#once again showing that luke and his family are on a completely different level than other jedi

[whippedcloudsofcream]

I just found out that Cal learns Repulse in Fallen Order and seeing his version compared to Luke’s Force Repulse is so funny, the obvious differing of power levels 😭😭

[andmineisyellow]

Can we talk about the comparisons between garvez and polin 👀👀 the mutual pining. The TENSION

Yes! Yes! And yes! I love the pining and the tension, and that their relationships are rooted in friendship. And I think a big reason why they take up so much space in my brain is that I love that they are as similar as they are different.  Let’s break it down, shall we?

I don't know if Luke Alvez is book!Colin-coded because Romancing Mr. Bridgerton was written first, or if Book!Colin is Alvez-coded because I loved Alvez first. Either way, they're both charming, cheeky, and kind, they love British baked goods, and they often have difficulty expressing negative emotions. They’re fiercely loyal to their family (In Luke's case, the BAU) and are incredibly supportive partners. They're knowledgeable and witty in their own right, but they also recognize that their Penelope is the best and the brightest. And they will tell anyone who will listen just how amazing their Penelope is.

The biggest difference, of course, is that it takes Colin quite a bit longer to get to know Pen and develop feelings for her, as opposed to Alvez, who is pretty much smitten the second he meets Garcia. I think you can chalk this up to maturity though. Colin meets Pen when he's a young adult in the books and most likely as a child in the show, vs Alvez and Garcia who are 40-somethings when they meet. But in fairness to Colin, Luke has known Garcia for seven years and has (as far as we know) still not been fully upfront about his feeling. Once Colin realized his feelings for Pen, he made those feelings known.

And then we have the Penelopes, who on a surface level are quite similar as well. They are both typically the smartest person in any room, which makes them confident (sometimes overconfident) in their work, but can be insecure when it comes to what’s going on in their personal lives. They have an excellent sense of humor and are wildly resourceful when they need to be. Garcia and Show!Pen especially tend to internalize a lot, although neither of them is as good at hiding their feelings as they think they are. Gaining confidence outside of their specific talent, and learning to express themselves in a healthier way, is a large part of both of their arcs.

Overall though, I think their differences are much more significant. Again, Garcia is older than Pen, and she’s living in the modern day, so she’s much more comfortable with her sexuality. She also has a lot more life experience when she meets Alvez. For Pen, Colin is her first and only love, but Garcia has had significant others. She’s been in love before and she had a genuine connection with Derek that completely informs her negative first impression of Alvez. It is because of those past relationships (both good and bad), that she keeps Alvez at arm’s length, something Pen never does with Colin (at least not in their book and not yet in the show, we’ll see what happens in season 3). 

We also have to talk about Garcia and Pen's fashion sense because it tells us so much about both of them. Garcia loves maximalism. She uses bright colors and accessories to distract from the horrors and the trauma she witnesses while working at the BAU. Her loud fashion is an important part of her identity.  Pen hates her bright, neon dresses because they were forced upon her by her mother. For Pen, those bright “happy” colors are associated with her trauma and so she prefers softer and more simple looks when she dresses for herself.

As individual characters, and as couples Garvez and Polin are two sides of the same coin. They’re wholesome and they’re messy. They’re incredibly cute and incredibly hot. They challenge each other in ways you wouldn't necessarily expect.

I don't think I realized how much I missed Garvez until they were back on my screen and I'm so grateful to have them during this Bridgerton drought.

[phoenixyfriend]

Time Travel ft. Leia and Vader

(Helped by @atagotiak)

I was reading a bunch of different time travel fics, and my brain slotted in that one "Vader hands over the Empire to Leia and is now her most devoted sycophant" dynamic and mixed it with the "Luke and Vader time-travel and Vader does the right thing but only because it would make Luke sad if he didn't."

I landed on "Leia time travels to prequels era, but her least favorite family member has also traveled with her, though it takes him a few months to find her because he has less resources without the entire Imperial Navy, but he's still a scary Sith in all black with a breathing mask and intimidating cape."

"Tiny angry lady who wants to force democracy and her giant Sith father whom she hates but has resigned herself to pointing at threats like a tank who inexplicably loves her" is a delightful dynamic.

The first few months included a lot of concern about "why do you know so much about Sith if you're not trained or looking to be one" and then Vader shows up and calls her 'daughter' and she insults him and it's like "Oh. That explains it."

Council Member: We have a Sith in the Temple. Vader: Former Sith. Leia: Listen. He is your best chance against Sidious. Also, do you want Dooku dead? Vader can make him dead. Council Member: Your father i-- Leia, scrunching up her face: Don't call him that.

Like Leia is deep in conversation when the Temple starts panicking because Vader just. Showed up? He snuck in, somehow? So Palpatine wouldn't catch him on video entering through the front door? And people try to keep her away from the trouble, because there's an entire array of Jedi Masters to deal with this Surprise Sith, except she can sense exactly which Sith it is and once she shouts "oh you have got to be kidding me!" she just starts running and, well, it's Leia. Nobody can stop her.

(Leia does have less combat training, at least less force-assisted combat training, than the Jedi. But then the Jedi don’t want to hurt here here. She's not fighting her way down, either, she's just running really fast and all the best fighters already left. They had a head start. So Leia's mostly running past random padawans and the like.)

She shoves her way to the front of the group of Masters who. Well, they're certainly ready to attack. But Vader is just standing there. Doing nothing. Still intimidating as fuck but he's not doing anything.

And then Leia bursts onto the scene like "You motherfucker."

She hits her head on a clipboard and whines because UGH he's a walking WMD and they could REALLY use him against Palpatine but also. She hates him so much.

She tries to hand him off to the Jedi council but he insists that he will only take orders from Leia herself.

Jedi: Wait, what. Leia, completely ignoring them: Did you follow me here? Vader, through the mechanical wheezing: I have no loyalty to my master and no empire to serve. You are all that I have left. Leia: Me? Me? I'm all that you have left? You committed a genocide that killed all the family I had except for the twin brother you later mutilated! Jedi: Wait what Vader, going to one knee: I pledge my loyalty and blade to you and only you, daughter. Leia, ready to explode: I. I just. Jedi, some of whom really want to say things but are slowly realizing that they just accidentally acquired a Sith Lord by proxy: What. Leia: I hate you so much but I can't even get rid of you, you're too useful. Vader: I live to serve. Leia: Yeah. Got that. Fuck. Someone get him a full medical rundown, I don't know the last time that mess of a life support system was updated. Jedi, agitated again: WHAT Leia: Listen, I don't like him, but I'm not stupid enough to throw away the second most dangerous person in the universe when I can point him at the most dangerous person in the universe. Especially not if he's going to listen to me. Jedi: But... he's a Sith. Leia: Please trust me when I say this: you might be able to take him down eventually, but he will take dozens of you down with him, and right now he's... honestly, I'm pretty sure he's more depressed than malicious. Jedi: You hate him. I can feel it. Leia: Yes, but I can be professional about it. Vader: They have not yet d-- Leia: Nope! No talking! Not until I've had a chance to process this mess!

There is a whole lot of Leia snapping at Vader to stop it whenever he starts giving off vibes like he wants to take the most violent shortcut possible.

She is not the gentle hand that Luke would be.

Leia isn't a Jedi or working for them but she's wormed her way into being an ally. They don't 100% trust her, especially not with Vader just showing up and declaring her family but like

How do you say no to a WMD walking into your house and saying "I will fight the monster you cower from at night."

There's a lot of Leia snapping off an admonishment that sounds just a little too odd and then when questioned she just says "He knows what he did."

tbh I'm not sure how long it takes for them to tell anyone that Anakin is Vader. They might hold it off in hopes that Anakin can just retire to be Mr. Amidala after the war is over.

Well, Leia hopes. Vader just lets Leia make that call and then glowers at his younger self every time they're in the same room.

I do feel like Leia tells Obi-Wan the truth first

Imagine. Imagine a Vader who’s past still isn’t known. But has gotten somewhat comfortable around the Jedi (not really but the bar for what counts and comfortable for him is low). And Obi-Wan habitually banters with darksiders, right? If Vader’s guard is down for a moment and he, without thinking, references an inside joke...

Might be the most fun in terms of ways to tell Obi-Wan "We're time travelers and Vader is what happens if you let Palpatine drive Anakin off the edge"

If Vader has decided to pledge himself to her orders after destroying her planet, then fine. She can work with that. She's not going to be happy about it, but she can make it work.

The Jedi Temple hates having Vader anywhere nearby but he is actually very good at hiding himself from people, including Palpatine And for all that Leia seems perpetually irritated with her apparent bodyguard, he does seem to listen to her.

Jedi council: We still haven't figured out how to handle Dooku Leia: Do you know his location? Jedi council: Yes. Leia: [sigh] Leia: Vader, deal with it. Alive if possible.

(Leia does need to clarify an acceptable level of violence against the people protecting Dooku.) (She needs to clarify... many things.)

Leia always says "Vader" and one time a poor fool just asks why she doesn't call him dad and she snarls out "He is not the man that raised me, and I am glad for it."

Someone less foolish later prods more compassionately and she lets them know she was adopted and didn't properly meet Vader except in passing until she was nineteen.

"And then he tortured you." "And then he tortured me, yes." "Damn." "Didn't even find out we were related until a few years later when he chopped my brother's arm off." "You... wow." "I know."

At least one exchange that is L: You mean when you tortured me? A: He did what. V: I was not aware of our relation at that time. L: Not the point! I am fully aware of your interrogation methods and I refuse to let you be the one to acquire the evidence for-- A: Wait no go back he tortured you? L: Move on, please, we already have. A: That means I'm... oh Force, I'm going to torture my own daughter what in the actual fu-- L: We're moving on.

(“I end up torturing my own daughter” If Leia’s feeling especially spiteful I can see her saying “you mutilate your own son too”)

Concept: Leia is very free with traumatizing details of her past re:Vader and Anakin thinks that it sucks but doesn’t think much of it bc Sith. And then some time later he finds out...

(I love characters who use the traumatizing details of their past to shut down conversations.)

It's such a wonderfully horrifying concept for him to try to awkwardly comfort this girl he kind of knows because having a Sith for a dad sounds like it would suck and Leia seems nice, even if she's kind of weird and uncomfortable around Anakin, but he saw her flinch around a few other tall people wearing black robes the way she stiffens around Vader so maybe it's just that!

It is not.

Vader does get a significant amount of medical treatment. Including a bunch of "holy shit, that's a lot of drugs" and similar. There is so much lightning damage.

hnnng I'm just really in love with the image of Tiny Tiny Leia sitting behind a desk for some fancy negotiation, the picture of professionalism, while Vader just stands behind her shoulder, looming, glaring expressionless death at whoever came to speak with his baby girl.

Not that he would call her that, because she'd just hate him more and he's really not sure how to fix that problem, other than doing whatever she asks with no complaints and hoping she appreciates it.

Vader: [looks at children wandering by, has complicated emotions] Leia, tired of his shit: What now? Vader: I killed them, once. Leia, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath: And you're not going to do that again. No killing children. Vader: I know that. Leia: Great. I am... regretting asking. I am so very much regretting asking.

I do really like the idea of someone asking Leia once if she wants Jedi training and she says, no, actually, she's fully aware of the fact that she's angry little ball of hate sometimes, especially towards her bio father, and she'd like to refrain from putting herself in a position where she knows enough about the Force to Fall. She wouldn't Fall. But it does make people shut up.

[princessbatears]

I'm a storyteller both by trade and by hobby, and I understand a lot about how effective television storytelling works, in particular. My background has given me a different perspective than most people with regards to the finale, particularly what happens between Din and Grogu. Normally, I don’t get involved in fandom discussions, but I was encouraged to share my take on this. Spoilers below the cut in case I miss some tags, lol.

When I watched the episode this morning, I wasn't prepared for what happened. Like many of us, I expected a terrible cliffhanger or a neat conclusion like we got in the last season. Instead, Din encouraged his son to become a Jedi, leaving himself (and the rest of us) more than a little devastated. It was brutal. But also brilliant. Din and Grogu's individual and family arcs in this season came to a close in a way more beautiful than I could have expected. At the beginning of the season, Din kept Grogu at his side and protected him, but he was determined to pass him off to a Jedi. In part, this was because he believed it was Grogu's own good, but also because he wasn't ready to accept his fatherhood. We see this in the episode with Ahsoka. Even though he didn't want to say goodbye, he was willing to thrust Grogu upon her. When Ahsoka refused, Din was genuinely relieved and finally admitted to himself that he loved him and wanted him to stay a part of his life. That was further confirmed by the lengths he went to in order to get him back from Gideon.

Meanwhile, Grogu's gone through his own arc. We learned from Ahsoka that he hid his powers out of fear. We also learned that he's very afraid of being separated from Din, who he sees as his family. It's completely understandable. He's young and been through a lot. But that fear also makes it harder for him to train, so Ahsoka rejects him. Grogu himself continues to be a little reluctant to use his powers, needing encouragement from Din (unless it's to steal cookies). When he's captured, he fights the best he can to get away, but that fighting doesn't end up doing him much good because he can't control himself. It's my impression that, by the end of the season, Grogu's realized that he needs to be able to master his powers, not just to protect himself, but to protect Din, too. He's finally ready to step into his strength and become all that he can be, which is why he decides to go with Luke.

Din did not want Grogu to go. Everything in his being screamed that. He even say to Luke, "He doesn't want to go with you." However, when Luke explains what's going on, Din realizes that he must put Grogu's needs before his own. It's in Grogu's best interest to be nurtured in the ways of the Force, as he's always suspected, but now letting Grogu looks different than it did before. It wasn't Din rejecting his love for his son or pushing the responsibility of him onto someone else. He even did several things differently from when he tried to give Grogu to Ahsoka. First, he promises they'll see each other again. Personally, I don't think this is the end of them being together, even though Din says Grogu belongs with Luke (also more on that soon). Second, Din tells him not to be afraid. He wants Grogu to become confident in himself and all he can be. Third, he takes off his helmet to show his boy his face and let him touch him. While this is a huge sacrifice on his part because others also see his face, it is proof to Grogu that they are family and that they will always be family. Fourth, Din sets Grogu down on the floor and lets him walk to Luke. This is vitally important. In the past, he's tried to physically hand him over. This time, he lets Grogu make his own decision once and for all. Grogu walks over to look and asks to be picked up, indicating he truly wants to be trained. Din recognized him as an autonomous being with his own will, and respected and encouraged that, like a good father does. Was it easy? Absolutely not, but it was the right thing to do.

I'm not sure what Season 3 will look like as far as Din and Grogu's relationship goes. Maybe Grogu won't feature as prominently, maybe there will be a time jump, maybe something will happen and Luke will bring him back? I have no idea. None of us do. However, what I do know is that heart of the show is the relationship between Din and Grogu. I believe Filoni and Favreau know this, as does Disney. Grogu has made Disney actually relevant again, he's made them an insane amount of money, and I don't think they're going to let that cash cow go any time soon. So, everybody, please don't despair. It's going to be okay! ❤️

I'd also like to take a moment to discuss Luke. My feelings on this have evolved as I'm processed the episode over the last few hours. Initially, I wasn't very happy. I felt like a lot of people do. Why does it always have to be Skywalkers? Why couldn't it be somebody—anybody—else? Why did that have to do that weird CGI thing with his face that wigs me out? (That, admittedly, I'm still not a fan of, lol.) But with some time, I've realized that Luke makes sense. There's the inescapable fact that Star Wars is about the Skywalkers. They're the central characters of this universe. If Movies 6-9 hadn't been as godawful as they were, I think many of us wouldn't resent this fact so much. We're jaded, understandably. However, I don't believe it's fair to judge The Mandalorian's choice to include him based on other creators screwing him up in a future timeline. So far, Favreau and Filoni have been nothing but respectful of the Star Wars universe and its characters, and I'm choosing to trust them with this. But that aside, Luke is likely the only Jedi in the whole galaxy who would take Grogu as an Apprentice. Ahsoka didn't want him, too scarred by her own experiences and traumas. She also comes with the baggage the Temple placed upon its students, which was, if you have any "dark" qualities, you're untrainable. Meanwhile, in the original trilogy, Luke learned how to become a Jedi even though his legacy was those "dark" qualities. He overcame his own anger and fear and started new Jedi traditions. He's the perfect person at this point in his life to teach Grogu how to master his powers. He is obviously aware of how important Grogu is to Din and he'll take good care of him until the family can be reunited.

Personally, I loved this finale, especially the last few minutes. They absolutely destroyed me on a human level, but excited me as a writer and storyteller. By shaking the show up like this, it keeps the audience on their toes and reminds us that anything can happen. Din and Grogu's relationship is why people are so invested and throwing this huge kink that creates a massive conflict that the audience is desperate to have resolved. Aside from one of them actually dying (which would have me throw the show in the garbage), very little else could create such a reaction, which is the whole point. I can't wait to see what the creatives throw at us next year! 😃

[blush-and-books]

The End of Julie and the Phantoms - A [very long] Theory

The core of this theory was inspired by many posts that I have seen saying that Julie’s “everything was a dream” shirt may have insinuated that nothing happening on the show is actually reality. I brought my series finale pitch to my dear friend @willexx who then helped me develop this headcanon into something I cried about during lunch. 

It starts out pretty heavy, but there are some little light things here and there because it’s what the himbos would have wanted.

We start here:

In the last episode, the boys are ready too cross over. It’s an emotional moment for everyone, they’re crying, Julie is sobbing, and we as an audience have definitely seen better days. With one last “we love you, Julie,” a flash of light overtakes the garage space, blinding our screens. 

The scene flashes to Julie lying in bed, waking up from her ringing alarm. 

She is visibly confused, clearly wondering how she got to bed when the last thing that she remembers is the boys’ painful departure. When she reaches for her phone to turn off her alarm -- it’s a school day -- she quickly notices the date:

It’s the same day in 2020 that she met the boys, that she was going to clean out her mom’s garage, and that she had to perform to keep her spot in the music program. 

So, none of it was real?

Not exactly. 

The experience was a sort of dream-like saga that was designed for her to be able to grieve on her own, and rediscover her voice in her own way. But just as the panic sets in that it was a complete figment of her imagination, the feeling of cold metal on her left hand becomes too hard to ignore: One of Luke’s rings. 

Reggie’s leather jacket is hanging in her closet.

Alex’s fanny pack is slung across the back of a chair. 

But when she runs downstairs, clad in her dinosaur slippers, rushing to the garage to see if the guys were there -- they aren’t. They have crossed over. 

As she moves through the day, she’s a new Julie, but everything else is the same. Instead of a baseball cap and low ponytail, Julie throws on her black jeans and Reggie’s leather and lets her hair run wild. She’s displaying a confidence that Flynn hasn’t seen in a long time, that seemed to have hit Julie overnight. 

Julie sings Wake Up in music, and keeps her spot in the program. She doesn’t oogle Nick in the halls and she tells Carrie off when there’s an attempt at an insult made. 

Real or not, the boys helped her. They did their job. 

When she gets home, and Ray irks her about cleaning the garage or selling the house, she is quick to insist that she doesn’t want to move and that if he needs her for the rest of the night, she’ll be in her mother’s studio.

There aren’t any instruments except for the piano, and the space has the original layer of dust that it had before her and the guys started using the space again. Julie feels empty. But she reminds herself that the ring on her finger is real, extremely real, so she retraces her steps that she had taken in the first episode and tracks down the Sunset Curve demo CD, puts it in the stereo, and plays it. 

Nothing happens. Or, at least -- nothing that she could see.

The camera pans up as Julie is hard at work to organize the garage, and we see the boys in the chairs on the ceiling, watching over her fondly. 

~This is where @willexx started to throw in some epic ideas~

The boys are real, and they have crossed over, which renders Julie unable to see them. However, in her reset reality without them, no one remembers Julie and the Phantoms or the fact that the boys existed in the first place. The boys, while she can’t see them, visit her and try to make contact with her as much as they can, even though their times with her are limited since they are supposed to be on the other side.

She’ll feel a ghost of a touch on her hand or her hair, and know that Luke is there. When she’s in the car and the radio is on a country station, she knows that it’s Reggie. In a journal for school, a small “okay” will be written in the corner of a page, and it is Alex. These little notes keep her going, and she’ll just sigh and say “my boys,” and leave everyone around her confused. 

Sometimes, when she wakes up in the morning, the demo tape can be heard playing in the garage. Somehow she’ll get filled with hope that if she runs into the garage, the boys will be there rocking out without her like she used to scold them for left and right -- but no one is there. Ray comments that the stereo is broken and Julie has no choice but to nod along. 

One day she finds Luke’s songbook that had been buried in the plastic garbage bags of the boys’ belongings. She still brings Unsaid Emily to his parents, and she cries herself to sleep that night. 

When Julie blows up as a solo artist, she actually records Unsaid Emily, and she records Bright, and all of the other songs that her and Luke wrote together. Luke Patterson is in the writing credits for many of the songs, where Trevor never bothered to list him, and a part of Luke is at piece. 

On the two year anniversary of Rose’s passing, Julie finds Luke’s “angst flannel.” Ray asks where she got it; she tells him a thrift store. But it feels warm, like all of the guys are there, hugging her. 

Another morning, she could swear that Luke and Reggie are strumming out Flying Solo on level one volume, and once again finds herself darting to the garage with no good excuse except to keep her hopes up. They, unsurprisingly, aren’t there -- but a note is, that says “you’re a star, Jules. We love you.”

The handwriting is messy. She knows it’s from Luke, who probably fought the boys to even write the note because he just wanted to talk to her even though they need to move on and his handwriting is awful. The note gets tucked into the pocket of the flannel, and when she needs to be reminded that she’ll be okay, she pulls it out of the pocket and holds it tight. 

Before every show, she reads the note, and mumbles a little prayer to them wherever they are -- even if no one else believes they are real. 

When Luke’s flannel starts to lose it’s original sweet scent of Emily and Mitch’s house, Julie spends an hour crying on the floor of her bathroom. A faded orange beanie appears in her room the next day. 

Little notes from Luke appear here and there, but never from any of the guys. In the shadows where she can’t see them, Alex tells Luke that in order for both themselves and Julie to move on, Luke needs to stop leaving her notes -- so most of the ones that Julie finds are even more messy than usual, like Luke was trying to write them without the guys noticing. 

During one of their forbidden conversations, Julie says to Luke: “hey, I never told you this before... But I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t know what I would do without knowing that you guys were still around. I think I would have lost my mind, and would have been convinced that I went crazy.”

Luke could have ran to Alex, repeated Julie’s tearful words, and given the drummer a fat “I told you so.” But he doesn’t. Julie’s validation is the only validation that he needs. 

Whenever her and Carlos and Ray make an extra seat at their dinner table for Rose, Julie imagines, deep in her mind, that it is for Reggie too. Reggie deserved a seat at their table; deserved to be a part of their family. A family that would have loved him.  And when a fork falls off of the table, Julie knows he’s there. One day, Julie asks Ray how he would have felt about having another son. He responds confused, and Julie gets tears in her eyes, and neither of them bring it up again.

When Julie and Flynn go to Pride together, Julie wears Alex’s fanny pack even though she hadn’t gotten any signs from him since they had all moved on. He still doesn’t reach out afterwards, too overwhelmed by her gesture to think of a way to properly extend his gratitude and love for the girl who is keeping his spirit alive -- but Luke lets her know that he was grateful. 

Luke still visits Julie like he visits Emily and Mitch. And on Luke’s birthday every year, Julie goes to a little bakery after school and buys herself a cupcake; sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night to light a candle and sing happy birthday. When she lights the candle, the candle gets blown out. Every year after that first year, she gets candles that you have to turn on and off so that Luke can’t ruin the moment. 

(He ends up throwing the fake candle on the ground out of retaliation.)

Julie is so emotionally stable for the most part that the complete change is a shock to Ray. He tries to ask her what happened, but she always acts like nothing happened and then hides in her room for hours. Sometimes, she makes random little comments out of the blew and Ray has many conversations with Victoria on whether or not he should have Julie seeing Dr. Turner again. 

At her first solo concert, Julie walks into the dressing room to find “Stand Tall” written three times, in three different handwriting styles, in red, pink, and blue. The message in blue is the messiest by far, and is followed up with a heart. 

The name of Julie’s first album is Phantoms. 

[rosaliepostsstuff]

Weasley support system

Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Summary: Y/N takes the position of a subtitute teacher at Hogwarts; her and George’s eldest son comes out as gay Word count: 1465

warnings: pretty emotional, but I wouldn’t say sad? supportive parents and siblings

a/n: This is based on the concept from my last post. I didn’t spend too much time working on it so I hope you like it?  I couldn’t decide on a title so this one might be rubbish. It was a good palate cleanser while writing the next chapter of little steps as it’s long and my mind started going in loops. Which is why if you have any request, send it my way. I know I haven’t shown much yet, but I’m open peeps

Feedback encouraged!

14th May 2020

Dear Y/N,

            The reason I am writing to you is to make a request.

            I have recently received news of our current Defence Against the Dark Arts professor’s plan to retire. I’m afraid this has come as a bit of a shock to me and I won’t be able to find a suitable and competent successor in time before September. I don’t suppose you would be willing to take that position long-term, however, I’d like to offer you the position of a substitute teacher for one year, time in which I’m sure to find somebody good enough.

            I am giving you time to think the decision through, but I hope to see you at the start of September.

 Minerva McGonagall Headmistress Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

  You finished reading the letter and placed it on the table next to your coffee mug and the breakfast leftovers. George took your hand and you looked up at him, both of your facial expressions in a mix of excitement and uncertainty. “What do you think?” He asked after a bit of silence, softly caressing your hand with his thumb. “It’s an interesting opportunity..” “It is..” you trailed off “I would see the kids more” he nodded.

You got a bit happier at the thought, and your mind once more went to how soon they’d finally be back home for the summer. You got used to being apart from them, last September even your youngest left for Hogwarts, meaning you and George were left alone at home. You got used to it, but you still missed your babies, who were not babies anymore.

Your eldest, Lucas - now finishing his fifth year, was an introvert with a heart of gold. The twin girls – Ruby and Vivian – although different from each other, both took after their dad – but to your luck with less interest in mischief. The youngest – Jacob, had a natural talent for driving his sisters insane.

You knew being apart from George for months after nearly twenty years of being married would not be easy, but you decided to go through with it, hoping this interesting experience would prove worth it.

Riding on the Hogwarts Express brought a familiar sense of excitement, but you weren’t a student anymore. It was strange, passing the compartments and seeing your children and their many cousins chatting with their friends just as you have all those years ago.

As a professor, you were determined to make your students comfortable and interested in what they were learning. They often asked questions about your work and sometimes about Weasleys’ Wizards’ Wheezes (as a Mrs Weasley it was inevitable) which served as a treat.

 “Luke, could you stay behind, please?” you called after your son one day, right after a N.E.W.T. level class with 6th years. He gave his friends a look and walked up to you. “Could you pass me your textbook for a second? I think there were some changes between editions and I’d like to check it with the one I have before my next group…” You said as he reluctantly took the book back out of his bag and put it in front of you.

You flipped through a few chapters and started skimming through one you needed to check. You saw some doodles around the text, along with a few signatures from the same person – Dylan. You did not give it much thought – you knew Dylan, he was Luke’s friend and visited your house a few times in their first years.

You also didn’t notice Luke’s change in expression when you reached that page. His whole body tensed up and breath hitched. He didn’t listen to you ramble about the change in the description of non-verbal spells, he wiped his sweaty palms in his trousers and studied your face, waiting for something.

“You should invite him over around Christmas, baby. It’s been a while.” You said closing both of the books. “Who?” “Dylan” “Why?” asked with a shaky voice, starting to feel slightly sick. “Well, you mention him so often. He’s still your best friend, isn’t he?” you looked up to see your son in a state you’ve never witnessed before and you didn’t understand why. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as his eyes started to shine. “He’s not really my friend, mum.” you waited for him to continue, “I like him.” his voice barely audible, yet you still didn’t understand what was going on. You brought your hand up to caress his arm as his lip began to tremble, “I know, baby, it’s-“ “No, mum, you don’t get it!” He bit his lip holding back his tears. “I- I like him…”

You pulled him into a hug and cursed yourself for taking so long to catch up. You embraced the boy as tight as you could. “I’m sorry,” he said between weeps. “No, baby! You have nothing to be sorry about” You brought his face to your shoulder and caressed his head. He took his height after his dad and was already taller than you, but right now felt so small in your arms as you wanted to protect him from the world. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner” “It’s my fault you didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me.” You said, now crying with him. You stayed like that for a bit, kissing the side of his head from time to time. “I’m not sure you could’ve done any better, mum. You’re pretty great,” he laughed softly. “I try.” You chuckled. “Could you.. could you not tell dad?” he said pulling away. It slightly worried you. Was he afraid of coming out to George? You didn’t know how he’d react, but it couldn’t be bad. He loves his children, no matter what. “I- I just want to tell him properly, face to face. I’ll do it during Christmas break.” “Ok, baby,” you said, relieved, pulling him down to place one last kiss to his cheek, to which he rolled his eyes. Back to normal, that means.

It wasn’t easy hiding it from George when you saw him next weekend, but you managed. Luke soon came out to his siblings (Jacob replied with ‘so?’ and the twins claim they knew).

Before you knew it, George was picking you all up from Kings Cross and you were heading home for Christmas.

The next day, you spent the early afternoon at the Burrow to Molly’s delight. Back home, you planned to decorate the house and most importantly – the Christmas tree, after dinner which you were now preparing in the kitchen. It was open to the lounge room, where you could hear George mumble mostly to himself while reading a magazine. You had missed that.

Lucas walked down the stairs inconspicuously and walked up behind the couch. “Can I talk to you, dad?” he asked and you tried to stick to your cooking and let them have their moment, but it was hard not to listen in. “Sure, champ, what is it?” George looked up from behind the paper for just a second, and Luke sat down. “I- I gotta tell you something.”

George put the paper down, confused by the sudden seriousness. “..You’re not making me a granddad yet, are you?” he tried to lighten the mood, but when Luke only looked at his feet, George straightened up completely with raised eyebrows. “No, I’m not,” George’s face relaxed a bit, before his son continued, “that’s unlikely.” he paused for a bit and took a deep breath. “I’m gay, dad”.

There was silence for what felt like hours when in reality it lasted just a few seconds.

George’s face showed pure shock. His back fell against the couch. “Dad?..” Tears started to well up in Luke’s eyes and you wanted to run up to him when you heard the shakiness in his voice. But then George looked up at him.

The warm, reassuring smile you saw on his face reminded you again why you love that man so much. He opened his arms and your son entered his embrace. “I love you, son. And I’m proud of you.” “I love you too, dad.”

That evening, decorating the house with your family made you happier than ever before. You watched the kids bicker about the placement of the ornaments when an arm snaked around your waist. “The rascals will always find something to fight over, won’t they?” he said with a smile and kissed your cheek. You looked up and placed your hand on the side of his face and whispered “I love you” “I love you back,” he said and kissed you softly. When he pulled away, you saw that familiar smirk and he turned to the kids.

“So, any boy you’re gonna introduce to us soon?”

[idratherdreamofjune]

@sunheart wrote in her tags on another post:

Genuinely hate being alive ... I completely understand on so many levels why you would hate being a woman. Its horrible. And then as a Christian there's this whole really ugly dynamic- that i know is probably a lie i just haven't worked out how yet- that we're the 2nd best. The afterthought. The mediocre option. Almost everything in life men are better at and it's hard to believe it's just cultural-  math logic leadership writing cooking writing physical activities on and on, and women are good at being Nice :)   Which ok i like being nice   but it's like that's my only option   I feel like any other impact i might wish to have upon the world   will be paltry in comparison to what i could do   if only i was a man.   I feel incompetent. Irrational. Emotional. Obnoxious.   I feel like I'm supposed to be a plaything for the beings that were *actually* created to be in harmony with God   like I'm not supposed to have a connection with God-  only through my husband   which what does that make me as a single childless bitch?   I can't even fulfill the main point of my existence. Jesus interacted with women but did he care about them like he did the men? David and John were named his favorites not Deborah or Hannah. And like i said i'm sure none of that's true but i don't know how and it feels awful. hate it.

   Hopefully others have shared encouragement on this already, but just in case I wanted to give some thoughts. Please know that if I sound riled at all (and I’m going to try to avoid that) I’m not upset at anyone who feels this way but am deeply upset by the enemy’s lies that so many are hurt by. As a younger believer I did struggle with some of these questions myself, and for a long time it was difficult to reconcile these concerns with the promises that God loves me.

   Your instincts are right - it is a lie that women are second best. And before I go any further let me also agree that yes, we are physically weaker than men and have other weaknesses too. But since when has weakness meant that someone is any way “less than” others? Men have weaknesses too, just different ones. That’s the nature of humanity: every person is a mixed bag of strengths and weaknesses. I’ve never heard before that men are better at cooking?? My dad literally struggles to cook a hotdog in the microwave and has never touched a grill in his life. And okay men may (possibly, not sure on this one either) be inherently better at math, but which gender is drastically underrepresented in the nursing field? I suspect there are fewer male teachers, too, though not as huge a disparity. Men are more prone to recklessness and violence - part of the reason married men live longer (gotta get that stable influence). Again yes men are physically stronger but have you watched ballet dancers (oooh i mean ballerinas, sorry there’re so few ballerinos that I forgot to differentiate) or female gymnasts? Nothing “less than” there! The famous Proverbs 31 woman is a good insight into Biblical support of female abilities and value: “strength and dignity are her clothing”, “she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” “Let her works praise her in the gates.” (The gates were essentially the city hall or forum of ancient Israel.)

   Going back to the beginning - women were created second, true. But did God not know His own plan? He was always going to create women. And the really amazing thing that I learned in the last couple of years is that, when God says He’s going to make Adam “a helper” (Hebrew ”ezer”), that’s the same word that is used to describe God’s actions for His people throughout the Old Testament: - Exodus 18:4 “The God of my father was my help.” - 1 Samuel 7:12 “Ebenezer” means “rock of help” and is a memorial of Yaweh’s help. - Psalm 30:10 “Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!” - Psalm 115:11 “You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord, He is their help and their shield” - Psalm 121:2 “My help comes from the Lord” - Hosea 13:9 “‘You are against Me, against your helper.’“

It is a common word for “help” used in other settings, yes, but the fact that it’s used of God illustrates that this is no poor or second-rate role. Helping - aiding - supporting - incredibly important! In fact this article I just found puts it this way:

In two cases it refers to the first woman, Eve, in Genesis 2. Three times it refers to powerful nations Israel called on for help when besieged. In the sixteen remaining cases the word refers to God as our help. He is the one who comes alongside us in our helplessness. That's the meaning of ezer. Because God is not subordinate to his creatures, any idea that an ezer-helper is inferior is untenable. In his book Man and Woman: One in Christ, Philip Payne puts it this way: "The noun used here [ezer] throughout the Old Testament does not suggest 'helper' as in 'servant,' but help, savior, rescuer, protector.'

   Moving on to the New Testament, and the topic of John, who is known as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”. John is the one who wrote the book which tells us that (under the direction of the Holy Spirit, yes) and he only uses that wording as a title, in place of his name. Nowhere does it say he was the favorite disciple, or even most loved, just that he was loved. To me it seems more as if John is saying “Jesus loved me! Can you believe it?!” It has a feeling of awe and thankfulness as opposed to superiority.

  Getting into marriage specifically, I do believe that a wife should be under the headship of her husband ...mainly in the sense of letting him have the last word on decisions and plans. This is in part due to differing areas of strength, and in part because in some situations it’s better to have a family leader - most groups of humans need a leader, and following an assigned (or picked) leader does not make one inferior. All that being said, a wife should be able to provide input, advice, and feedback to her husband, who should take into strong consideration his wife’s needs, insights, and concerns (Ephesians 5:25-29).

   The lie that women cannot be connected to God outside of their husband is refuted not only by all the vibrantly faithful single or windowed Christian ladies of history (Amy Carmichael, Gladys Aylward, Mary Slessor, and Elisabeth Elliot are some of my favorites) but also Scripture itself. When Christ spoke with the divorced Samaritan woman the disciples were shocked not because she was a Samaritan but because she was a woman (John 4:27; she was shocked on both counts - John 4:9) - I hope they got used to it because Jesus spoke with women a lot. Despite the culture of the time, Jesus clearly had very warm and caring direct relationships with Martha and Mary, Mary Magdalene, and other women. Anna the Prophetess in the temple had been widowed for decades and was serving God alone “night and day” (Luke 2:37). Incredibly, in a culture where women were looked down upon, the Lord chose women to be the first to discover the empty tomb, and Mary Magdalene to be the first to see the risen Christ! I love that passage so much (John 20:11-18).

   Another example is when Jesus stopped on His way to heal Jairus’ daughter (i.e. He put aside a powerful man’s urgent request) to lovingly interact with the woman who’d suffered bleeding for years - a terribly personal and female problem (Mark 5:21-35).

   To try to wrap up, I’ll return to David in the OT, who was a “man after God’s own heart”. But again, it doesn’t say that he was actually a favorite - it does say David was chosen by God though, to lead Israel and establish the family from which Jesus would ultimately come. You know who else was chosen? Esther - “for such a time as this”. Once she realizes the task she must complete, she tells Mordecai how it’s going to go, and “Mordecai then went away and did everything Esther had ordered him.” Esther gets a book named after her and is remembered in the holiday of Purim to this day. Also note that Esther was married to an unbeliever. Likewise Ruth was chosen, as a young foreign widow, to be part of the Messiah’s kingly line. As an aside, my favorite thing about Ruth’s story (besides all the faith and beauty of it) is the simultaneous deep respect and protectiveness Boaz shows towards her (okay enough mush). Anyhow what it comes down to is that God chooses and loves both men and women, and both have a place (singly and married) in His plans and kingdom. See also Galatians 3:28 “ There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

   This post has all over the place, and I probably forgot a bunch of things I wanted to add (if anything else comes to mind I’ll add it later), but I hope it’s been encouraging. Yes I’ve struggled with some aspects of how women are portrayed in the Bible, but what I shared above, plus the love and blessings I’ve known as a single woman are more than enough evidence that we are known and loved. If anything is unclear or anyone has any questions please speak out/send an ask! Anon asks are on too. Also if anyone wants to add or amend anything do so without hesitation!!

[fundielicious-simblr]

Harvestfest

(Adalynn’s POV)

(Ignore the fact that some people are missing, in spite of having a detailed pose planned out I forgot to add some people and it was too late to go and add them, at the point I’d spent 4 days trying to get almost 50 people to pose and was at the end of my rope 😂)

Happy Harvestfest! It felt so good to gather with all my family as we focus on being together, being grateful, and sharing in the blessings the Lord has showered on all of us. With so many of us now married and having to split holidays between our family and our in-laws, we all sat down and decided that the holiday that would bring us all together at the big house in Newcrest would be Harvestfest, meaning that we’re left to be with our other family at Winterfest. This year there were 46 people to fill up my parent’s house, which just goes to show how much the Lord has blessed us in the past 12 years, before I got married there would only be the 15 of us around the table digging in to the 2 turkeys that us Zoe and I would wake up at 4am to pick fresh from the farm, sharing in the sides that Macie would prepare for the evening, and laughing and singing together. One thing I’m very grateful for are all the children that are running around again, growing up it would be Charles, Parker, and Ashton that entertained us all with their shenanigans, but once they grew up and grew out of it then we all missed the sounds of having children around the house. Now there are 22 children that run around and call my parents ‘grandma and grandpa’. 

(Updates on the family are under the cut!)

Allan (55) and Casandra (52) Collins

My parents are thriving in this season of life they’re in! This year they’ve completed 34 years of marriage, what a testimony! Dad is still the pastor at Newcrest Baptist, the Lord has blessed the church abundantly allowing for dad to hire on additional pastors, which gives him the chance to speak at various conferences whilst not having to worry about his congregation in Newcrest being left stranded. Mum has been finishing up school with Ashton, the last kid in the Collins Homeschool, can you believe it? She’s managed to successfully homeschool 13 children from Kindergarten all the way to the end of highschool, which is no easy feat considering how different we all are. At Ashtons graduation party we’re planning on honouring her for all that she did to homeschool us and how she did and continues to pour into all of us. Since Ashton is basically self sufficient with schooling, mum has a lot more time to travel around and visit her grandbabies, since Barrett and Kyleigh’s kids are the closest to us she’s always having them over at the big house or going over for a few hours a day to continue to pour into the lives of her grandchildren. She also gets invited to speak at different ladies’ meetings in the wider area, as well as joining our dad on speaking engagements, either accompanying him to speak at different churches or speaking with him at loads of different marriage conferences. It’s such a blessing to see my parents be so richly rewarded for their dedication to the Lord!

The Leonard Family - Mason (34), Adalynn (33), Noah (10), Luke (8), Aaron (7), Paul (6), Joshua (4), Caleb & Jonah (1)

We’re excited to be expecting baby number 8! As time passes and I’m blessed with more children, I’ve realised I have a very consistent pattern of getting pregnant when the youngest child is almost 2 years old. Well, since the twins 2nd birthday is coming up I decided on a whim to take a pregnancy test and it was positive! As usual we’re not finding out the gender until the baby is born, but with the current numbers I’ve got I’m going to guess that this baby is a boy. The boys are excited to have another sibling on the way, but while we wait for the new baby to join us I’ve got the boys focusing on their school work. The oldest four boys are steadily progressing in their work and are loving school, they also love working on gaining their scout badges before the end of the year so they can progress onto the next level. Another exciting thing in our house is the nativity play that our church is putting on this Winterfest, the boys are in the children’s choir meaning that all our music practice has turned into Winterfest practice. Mason’s sister Molly is getting married soon as well, so the family has been gearing up to host people at her wedding in the next few months.

The Collins Family - Barrett (31), Kyleigh (29), Chloe, Allan Jr & Benjamin (8), Rose & Violet (6), Daisy (6), Marigold (5), Olivia (3), Preston (1)

Barrett & Kyleigh are also expecting a baby, this baby joining the family will be baby number 10 with the gender being a surprise! They live in Newcrest so they’ve got the advantage of being by the big house and seeing my parents all the time, as well as all my siblings who still live at home. Kyleigh and I are in the same boat are up to our ears in school books, but when you add in the fact she’s got 2 extra kids than I do, it’s amazing how calm she is about it! You’d never know she’s actively homeschooling 7 children whilst also running after two toddlers, she makes it look so easy! With everything happening in their house they’ve got plans for even more disruption, an old family friend that owns a construction company has offered to add an extension to their house purely to be a blessing to them! They currently live in a 3 bedroom house and the current plan is to add a second floor to the house to give them more room to grow, and with them adding a new baby every year I can tell there is going to be a lot of growing for their family to do.

The Moreno Family - Francisco (33), Zoe (29), and Javier Jr (2)

Francisco and Zoe are also expecting, and when we were all together they shared that they were having a baby girl! They’re not sharing the name they’ve picked out now, so we’re all waiting for baby girl to make her appearance so we can hear the no doubt beautiful name they’ve picked out. Little JJ is growing in leaps and bounds, it’s so hard being far away from family, which makes us cherish these times that we get to be all together even more. In other news, they’ve officially moved out of Oasis Springs and are excited to be starting out this new season of life as they get settled in Windenburg. They’ll be stationed there for the next 2 or maybe even 3 years, meaning that Zoe gets a few years living close to our sister Amira as well as our cousin Brittany. 

The Wright Family - Shane (26), Maggie (25), Arlo & Iris (1)

Shane and Maggie are enjoying their new season of life with the twins growing into toddlers and enjoying the learning curve that comes with having not one, but two toddlers running all over the place. Shane continues to work at the design agency, and now that the twins are slightly older Maggie has started going back to doing more freelance photography jobs, and is hoping to start back at the office full time soon. Their current plans for the winter include a family skiing vacation at Mt Komorebi along with Reece and Stacie and their in-laws for Winterfest. 

The Collins Family - Reece and Stacie (24), Liam (3), Hazel (1)

Reece and Stacie are also enjoying life with their family of 4 after the addition of little Hazel. Liam is starting kindergarten which is keeping Stacie busy with them as they start an official homeschooling programme, with the addition of Hazel’s basic toddler care as she attempts to be like her big brother. As well as starting school, the mother’s at their church have created a play group to help the kids socialise with each other since most of the families homeschool their children, so Liam is making new friends at church too. Their plans for winter include a ski holiday in Mt.Komorebi with Maggie, Shane, and their in-laws as well as with Stacie’s mother and sister.

The Collins Family - Beckett (23) and Mandy (21)

Beckett and Mandy made the journey home from Selvadorada in time for Harvestfest with the entire family. There’s not pregnancy news on the horizon for these two, but their lives are full of blessings in other forms; They’re in the process of fundraising to continue to build a church in Selvadorada, they hope to be able to educate the Salvadoradian population on the ways of the Lord with this new church. Currently Beckett pastors at an old church building, with Mandy helping teach english and Bible at the local school, she also sometimes helps the local midwives with deliveries and aftercare for postpartum mothers. While they’re in Newcrest they’ll be travelling to various churches in the local and wider area to help fundraise, as well as catch up on all their shopping whilst they’re still here, they’ll also head over to Oasis Springs to see Mandy’s family before they leave. Over the winter they’ll be hosting Macie, Celeste, Annette, as well as other youths from Newcrest Baptist as they head over to Selvadorada on a missions trip! 

The Eichelburg Family - Thomas (23) and Amira (22)

Amira is also expecting! The couple announced their pregnancy to the family when they arrived at the big house, she’s currently in her second trimester and currently doesn’t know the gender of the baby. In Windenburg she helps with the children’s church programmes or volunteers at a local charity shop in her spare time whilst Thomas is at work, now with the pregnancy she’s got other things to keep her busy. She’s planning to have her baby shower in her third trimester, so that should happen sometime in the next month or so, it’ll definitely be easier for her with Zoe moving close to her now. Their winter plans include planning the baby shower, escaping on a quick babymoon, and preparing to welcome their new addition before the new year! 

The Roberts Family - Felix (25), Priscilla (20), and Andrew (1)

Priscilla and Felix are enjoying this new season of life with little Andrew, he’s definitely put Priscilla through her paces as she learns how to deal with a toddler that’s her own child and not a child she can give back to their parents at the end of the day. Felix is working at his father’s offices as an Attorney, so is kept busy during the day before coming home to Priscilla and Andrew in the evening. Whilst Priscilla is loving time with Andrew, she can’t deny that she’s definitely praying to get pregnant soon! Their winter plans include helping campaign for the local conservative candidate in the local primary elections, as well as Priscilla helping coordinate their church’s winter show.

Charles (19) and Lorilee Mitchell (18)

These two are engaged! Charles proposed to Lorilee just before Harvestfest, hence the now allowed hand holding. The family is so excited to have another boy get married, with the couple planning a winter wedding in the bride’s hometown of Windenburg. Charles finished up with his pilot’s license soon before he proposed and he’s started working with the missions centre attached to Newcrest Baptist to help with their ministry efforts. He’s saved up enough to buy a small house a few miles away from my parents, so the couple will have a house to move into after their wedding.

Macie (31), Annette (21), Parker (18), Ashton (16)

There are the current singles at home, Macie is still living at home but is making herself useful to those around her in an effort to be a blessing and to pour herself into others to glorify the Lord. When she’s home in Newcrest she helps Ashton with difficult work and cares for the garden, visits her local nieces and nephews, serves at church, and bakes goodies to gift different members of our church family with. When she’s not home she’s travelling to see her many siblings and nieces/nephews scattered around everywhere, she also leads programmes at various christian retreats for young ladies and older single ladies as well. This winter she’s travelling with others to Selvadorada on a missions trip and will stay with Beckett and Mandy, as well as helping to prepare for Charles and Lorilee’s wedding.

Annette is primarily works as a babysitter/mother’s helper for the different women at church, as well as helping babysit her nieces and nephews or even her cousin’s children. When she’s not doing that she’s travelling to women’s retreats with Macie to help run the programmes or work in the kitchen.

Parker has graduated highschool and has started working for a construction company that is owned by a member of Newcrest Baptist, he’s starting out as an apprentice and hopes to learn enough to make this a full time career.

Ashton is the youngest and is currently the last Collins child being homeschooled by Casandra, she’s working through her final year and is on track to graduate early in the spring. The family is planning a graduation party to celebrate the youngest child finishing school, and the official retirement of our mother as our teacher!

The four pregnancies

The four pregnant women got together for a picture, it’s such a blessing to be pregnant at the same time as my sisters and my sister-in-love! Between Zoe, Kyleigh, and I we’ve got a combination of 17 children, and we’re adding 4 more since we’re all having singletons. Once all these children are born my parents will have a total of 26 grandchildren, what a blessing!

(AN) I just want to say thank you to everyone who left their condolences after I shared that we lost a friend, her funeral was last week and some friends were able to fly back to the states and see her laid to rest with full military honours. This is such a great community and I love being a part of it, thanks to everyone for being so great 💛

[ruzek-halstead]

misery loves company

pairing: luke patterson x julie molina

everyone knows luke and julie are in love with each other, except them. when luke gets sick with the flu, it becomes the little push they need.

slightly au (boys are alive)

"you're not about to tell me something like that and walk out, julie. that's not how this works."

masterlist || ao3

requested by: @5sosmukefan​ 

They were an hour into their band practice, and one thing was becoming increasingly obvious.

Luke was losing his voice.

At first, they thought he was trying something new; he always liked to experiment with what he could do and he was always practicing the levels of raspiness he could use, like he did in Bright. But by the end of the last hour, it was clear that wasn't the case.

"Luke, I love you bro," Alex started hesitantly, twirling his drumstick in his fingers. "But what the hell is happening with your voice?"

Luke frowned. "I hear it too."

"You seem to be sweating a lot," Julie noted and Luke raised an eyebrow. "Much more than usual. Are you feeling alright?"

"Of course I am. I don't get sick," he scoffed. He took off his guitar and placed it back in its stand, grabbing his hydro flask to rehydrate. In truth, Luke was looking a little pale, but denial was a powerful concept.

Reggie snickered, blanking his face when Luke turned to him with a stormy glare. "Either way, I think we should call it. You're sounding rough, my man."

Luke rolled his eyes in defiance, but Julie truly didn't like his colour. She walked over to him, setting her palms against his cheeks. He went slightly cross-eyed trying to look at her and question what she was doing. She placed the back of her hand against his forehead.

"Not sick my ass," Julie mumbled, "Luke, sit down, you're definitely catching something."

Luke's eyebrows furrowed together; the coolness of Julie's palms did wonders for his skin. "But I don't get sick!" He repeated in a whiny voice. Julie solely rolled her eyes and pushed at his shoulder so he'd fall back on the couch.

"You two should probably go," Julie redirected her words to Alex and Reggie, who looked confused and slightly offended (Alex). "Don't give me that look. You three were the ones who refused to get the flu shot like I did, and now you're going to pay for it."

Reggie's eyes widened. "Luke has the flu?" They'd never seen him put his bass down so quickly. "Peace out buddy! I'm steering clear of you like the plague!"

"So, you're going to stay with him?" Alex asked Julie with a raised eyebrow; she nodded. "You hear that, Reg? Julie is going to stay and take care of Luke! Isn't that just the cutest thing you've ever heard?"

Julie's gaze flickered between Alex and Reggie, who were both wearing devious grins. "I don't know what your tone is implying, but your presence is annoying me. Make yourselves useful and go get some medicine or something."

"She's touchy today," Alex whispered in Reggie's direction. He narrowly missed getting hit by the pillow Julie lodged in his direction. "Fine, I'm going! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Reggie snorted, "that's not much then." Alex smacked him upside the head. "We'll be back! Feel better Luke!"

Julie wasn't an idiot. She clearly knew something had changed between her and Luke recently. Since the very beginning, it was hardly platonic. There was always that chemistry between them; they just didn't know where it would lead. And to be honest, she still has no idea. Things between them hadn't progressed in the way she wanted in the slightest. The only difference was that everyone seemed to suspect something was going on between them (re: Alex, Reggie, Flynn, Carlos and her dad), which explained Alex's smartass comments. But the most that had happened were small touches here and there as they wrote new songs. And their songs hadn't changed much either; she had been writing more romantically charged songs on her own, but every time she came together with Luke, he steered them in the complete opposite direction.

She honestly didn't know where she stood with him.

Luke was currently laying face down in a pillow, shivering. Julie rolled her eyes, almost certain it was because he refused to wear shirts with sleeves. She grabbed a blanket from the back closet and draped it across his shivering form. He turned his head to the side and peeked open an eye, mumbling a soft, "thank you." She took this opportunity to feel his forehead again, and he was still burning up; he groaned at the coolness of her touch.

"I'll be right back," she told him. He mumbled something unintelligible in response. Julie pulled up Netflix on the television and chose the first show that appeared (Modern Family because Alex was obsessed with Mitchell and Cameron, naturally). She escaped back into the kitchen where she grabbed a bowl filled with ice water and some small hand towels.

When she entered the garage again, Luke was sitting up on the couch, the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His hair was matted against his forehead from the sweat and the angry pout on his lips nearly made her drop the bowl of ice water. "Julie," he groaned, beckoning her to come closer. "Is this what dying feels like?"

"You are such a baby," Julie snapped, sitting down across from him on the coffee table. Luke shot her an affronted look. "If I can go on with my day while Satan's ripping apart my uterus, you can handle the flu."

Luke looked as if he was going to retort, but a small smile appeared on his lips instead. "Yeah, you're right," he replied, "you're a badass, Jules."

"Don't I know it," she sighed, taking one of the hand towels and placing it against his forehead. He instantly leaned forward with a satisfied groan, resting his palms against her knees. They didn't have much room between the coffee table and the couch, and their knees knocked together. "How does that feel?"

"Like heaven," his eyes literally rolled into the back of his head. "Thanks for staying and taking care of me, Jules."

Julie dipped the cloth in the bowl to avoid meeting his gaze. "Yeah, of course," she muttered in response. "I'd do anything for you, you know that." She wasn't sure what prompted that confession, but now it was out there.

Luke’s gaze narrowed on Julie’s face, even though she was looking everywhere but into his eyes. “Yeah. I mean, me too. I just — you’re my best friend. Couldn’t do this whole life thing without you.”

She wasn’t expecting to feel anything when she heard the word friend. It should have been fine, because they are, in fact, best friends. But her chest constricted and she squeezed the cloth absentmindedly, dripping water onto Luke’s lap.

“Shit, sorry,” Julie apologized, avoiding eye contact as she bit her lip. She wasn’t generally a crier, but she was unable to stop her emotions from displaying all over her face and she didn’t need him seeing that. She placed everything back onto the coffee table and hastily stood up. She knocked her knees against Luke’s and his hands fell from her knees as if his touch burned her.

Luke was confused. Julie flipped off like a switch, and he’s only seen that happen a few times before.

“Uh — what just happened? Did I say something?”

“No,” Julie forced out a laugh, “no. Everything’s fine.”

Luke frowned. He wouldn’t fall into the trap of basic girl talk. Again. “This seems like one of those situations where girls say everything’s fine, but it’s really not fine, and next thing you know, they’re cutting up all your clothes."

"You already do that," she shot back, pointedly looking at his absent sleeves.

"I know you're not complaining because you get to look at my amazing biceps every day. And don't think I didn't notice you're changing the subject."

Julie rolled her eyes, busying herself with grabbing the bowl and dumping it out in the bathroom sink. Luke followed her, groaning in pain. He looked like absolute hell; pale, sweaty and determined to get an answer out of her.

"Julie, talk to me, please."

She avoided his gaze, skirting past him. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Bullshit," he snapped. His eyebrows furrowed together and his signature pout adorned his lips; he was starting to get annoyed. "Are you forgetting I know you nearly as well as you know yourself?"

That small statement lit a fire inside of Julie.

"Clearly you don't," she fired in response and Luke took a step back in surprise. "Because if you did, then you would know what's wrong. You would know that being your friend absolutely sucks because that isn't what I want! I want more and shit, I thought you did too!"

Everything came spilling out of her at once.

In any other situation, she would rather choke on pure air than confess her feelings for Luke, much less like that. But it happened. And now he was staring at her with wide, bewildered eyes, and Julie didn't know how she should go about it now.

So, bolting seemed like the correct option.

She was halfway to the door, when Luke grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. He was still pale and looking ghostly, but his eyes were shining bright as they focused solely on Julie.

"You're not about to tell me something like that and walk out, Julie. That's not how this works," he told her in a serious tone. All traces of his usual goofy nature were gone and Julie cursed herself for ever saying anything in the first place. Everything was too serious and too real, and she just didn't want to deal with it. "Don't you want to hear what I have to say?"

Julie pursed her lips, staring at his collarbone, rather than up at his face. "Not really. Can we just forget I ever said anything?"

"What if I don't want to?"

At this, Julie looked up. She was surprised to see his eyes focused solely on her; they softened when they met her gaze. "Julie, you mean the world to me. I just didn't want to do anything that would make things weird in the band. Plus, it's hard to know what you're thinking."

He still wasn't being exceptionally clear, and Julie wasn't entirely sure what to make of his statement.

"Well, I wasn't intending to say anything now either," she admitted quietly.

"I'm glad you did," he replied quickly. His grip on her wrist travelled down to hold onto her hand. "One of us should have the guts to admit how we feel about each other."

She hesitantly bit her lip. "You know, I haven't heard much of anything coming from you."

Luke's smirk widened. "You're right," he conceded. "I should probably let you know that I think you're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I've been into you since I first saw you in school. And I'd really like to kiss you right now, but I'm not entirely sure your flu shot will protect you from whatever the hell I have."

Heat instantly rushed into Julie's cheeks and she resisted the urge to shy away, because this was real and this was happening. "So, what does this mean?"

"Well, I guess I should start with asking you on a date."

For someone who avoided talking about their feelings for so long, he sure was doing a fantastic job.

"Julie, would you like to go out on a date with me?"

"Yeah, I'd love that."

Luke broke out into an excited smile, wrapping his arms around her and crushing her into his chest. He couldn't kiss her right now, but he sure as hell could show his affection in other ways. He pressed his lips against her temple, enjoying the quiet. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and he could hear Julie's breathing start to slow. It's been a long time coming, and he still wasn't where he wanted to be, but they were getting there.

Their quiet moment was interrupted when the garage door slid open forcefully.

"Reggie! It's happening! It's freaking happening!"

Luke groaned at the sound of Alex's voice.

"Reggie! Get your ass in here now!"

Julie turned to the door, staying tucked into Luke's chest.

Alex was shooting them an excited grin, slapping Reggie's bicep repeatedly when he finally joined them.

"Oh, finally! Carlos, get in here!"

Julie let out a squeak of indignation at the sight of her little brother staring down Luke.

"Well, it's about time," he said coolly, surprising both Luke and Julie. "Boys, I want my money by sundown, or else."

Reggie stared after him as he walked away, scratching the back of his neck when Julie sent him a withering glare.

"So, we may or may not have placed a bet on you two," Alex explained. He didn't seem sheepish in the slightest.

Luke chuckled. "Who's 'we'?"

"Literally everyone," Reggie replied.

"Carlos, Flynn, your dad — literally everyone," Alex smirked. "Honestly, you two are pretty clueless."

Julie hung on tighter to Luke, enjoying his warm embrace. She thought it might feel weird in front of their bandmates, but surprisingly, it didn't. The proud and giddy expressions on both Alex and Reggie's face was enough to relax her and help her realize that this was what she was missing all along.

"Yeah, we are," she mumbled with an upwards glance to Luke and his bright smile.

"Oh my god! I need to call Willie! We're going on a double date!"

x

i hope i did this request justice!! i had a bit of trouble with the ending so sorry if it sucks tehe, but i’m a sucker for luke and julie confessing their feelings for each other!!! hope you all enjoyed!!!

stay safe everyone x

[nicknellie]

Wow, it’s so crazy that Noel Gallagher released a song about Sunset Curve and Julie and the Phantoms! Title and lyrics from We’re On Our Way Now by Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds.

Good Luck In The Afterlife

Remember what might have been,

Had I walked you home,

And said, “I’ll see you later,”

You were living the dream,

But when the morning come,

You’d gone to meet your maker.

Bobby couldn’t count the hours he spent wondering what might have happened if he had stopped to think for just one second. If he had reminded himself that the boys were pretty much clueless if he wasn’t there to knock the occasional bit of common sense into them. If he had thought, just for a moment, that maybe they should have all gone to get the food together.

In every scenario that came to his mind, his boys were still alive. Because if he had gone with them that night instead of staying at the Orpheum, he would have noticed that the street-dogs tasted strange. He would have told them it was a bad idea, made them stop eating them, taken them somewhere else to get food. Maybe he would have had to put up with Luke’s grumbling (“They would have been fine, Bobby, it’s not like we’ve ever got sick from street-dogs before.”) but at least his boys would have been safe. Maybe the pizza they ended up getting, or the burgers, or the cheap takeout wouldn’t have been as familiar as a pre-show ritual, but at least they would have still performed together that night. At least Bobby wouldn’t have had to cancel the show, had to identify his best friends’ bodies, had to go through that painful shift to realise that now he was going it alone.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it. If he had been there things would have been so different. If he had simply walked them there at the very least and said goodbye to them properly. Maybe then he wouldn’t be feeling so guilty, so struck with this devastating grief. At least that way their last memory of him wouldn’t have been him flirting with some girl instead of hanging out with them on the biggest night of their lives.

It had been stuck in his head for days. All those different what-ifs, those wasted potentials, the moments that could have been the best of their lives. It was so unfair – that night had been setting them up for greatness, possibly the most important night of their careers, and it had come crashing down along with Bobby’s entire world. It was all he could think of. They had been so ready, so excited, so full of life, and in a few short hours it had been snuffed out like a candle burning too brightly.

He remembered waking up the morning after, absently wondering if it was some cruel nightmare, but knowing it wasn’t. That night he had slept in the studio, wanting to be close to his boys in any way he could. Waking up there without them wasn’t the same – if anything it just made the loss hurt more. No matter how brightly the sun was streaking through the windows or how happily the birds outside were singing, Bobby couldn’t make himself believe that it would be a happy day. That any day, from then on, could truly be happy.

He kept thinking about it, everything they could have had, to the point where it felt as if he was remembering a past life or an alternate reality. It was like he was drawing memories from another Bobby’s brain, feeling the fame and freedom they would have held together. It was at that moment that he decided he needed to carry on. He needed to do whatever he could to achieve their dreams alone, to make his boys proud. He was sure that they were out there somewhere, watching over him, cheering him on. They could have had everything, and Bobby was determined to get it for them.

Good luck in the afterlife,

I hear the morning sun doesn’t cast no shadow,

You chose to drift away,

But look at you now.

It was Trevor Wilson who left his mansion that day. It was Trevor Wilson who got in his car and gave his chauffeur the directions of where to go. It was Trevor Wilson who climbed out at the destination, head hooded and bowed to avoid recognition. But it was Bobby who sat in the grass in front of the graves of his three best friends, the boys he had loved and never forgotten, and felt tears pricking at his eyes in the bitter breeze.

He knew he didn’t visit their graves as much as he should have. It always hurt, seeing the three of them together when he couldn’t join them himself, knowing that they were completely unreachable. It was the closest he could get but it just made him feel far away. But when he did visit, he spoke to Luke, Alex, and Reggie. He told them about his music career and how he wished they were building it with him, he talked about his new-born daughter Carrie and how she was the best thing that had ever happened to him, he talked about his memories of them and laughed over stories they wouldn’t hear.

But it was alright. If he imagined it hard enough, Bobby could almost hear them laughing along. Like they were listening to him and keeping him company even from far away.

He wondered what they were doing at that moment, if anything. Ever since they had died Bobby had been curious about the afterlife. Was there one at all? Were his boys all together or had they been separated? Was there a heaven and a hell, or just one place where all departed spirits went? Most importantly, were they alright? He didn’t think he could bear it if he ever found out, somehow, that the boys were unhappy. If they couldn’t have their lives then all he wanted for them was happiness.

He found himself wishing them luck sometimes. Good luck for whatever would come their way. He wished that good things would happen to them, that they would all find their happiness, something that made their souls sing the way they had when they were alive. Something that made Alex’s heart beat like his drums, Reggie’s thud like his bass, Luke’s riff like his guitar.

Over time, Bobby had come to terms with their deaths. It had taken years of therapy, learning to accept that he wasn’t to blame, realising that they would never come back and working out how to be okay with that. Now, he saw it less like they had been ripped away from him and more like they had simply flown the nest, their time up, ready to move on. It wasn’t necessarily true, he knew, not when they’d had so much ahead of them, but thinking about it that way helped.

When he spoke to the gravestones, he would imagine how the boys would reply. Whenever he told them about a new song he had released he heard Luke’s enthusiasm as he told him he’d done a great job, Reggie’s excitement and desperation to hear it and jam along on his bass, Alex’s quiet appreciation of the music and the way he would have hummed the tune under his breath for weeks afterwards. When he had first told them about Carrie he imagined the jokes about him getting old because he was the first to have a kid, and each of them holding her with varying levels of terror and adoration on their faces.

Most of all, he imagined them being proud of him. Proud that he had carried on and persevered this long. Proud that he had built a family from the wreckage he’d been left in and got his confidence back. Proud that even if he was Trevor Wilson now, he was still Bobby at heart.

We’re on our way now,

The truth can be so hard to swallow,

Hey now, ‘cos you’ve got the love, you’ve got the love, lady,

I’m worn out, ‘cos with every little trick they try to drag you down,

You don’t know why.

Luke hadn’t slept since the night they had played the Orpheum. Ghosts didn’t necessarily need sleep, but it was possible – Luke hadn’t even bothered trying. He simply couldn’t believe their luck. They’d struck gold and none of it seemed possible. The whole thing, this entire journey they had been on with Julie in the past few weeks felt like a dream and a nightmare, but he never wanted to wake up.

It had been difficult to begin with. It wasn’t the easiest thing, getting to grips with death and being a ghost, especially when he had apparently missed twenty-five whole years of life on Earth, everything moving on without him and his friends. It had put into perspective how much each individual life really meant – the world didn’t stop when a person died, and there was so much that could be missed in such a short time. There had been the empty space he was greeted with whenever he turned to tell Bobby something, the hollow feeling in his heart whenever he thought of his parents, the conflicted feelings he got whenever he thought about the people he had met in death. The whole thing, this monumental transition, had been harder than anything he’d ever done.

But then there was Julie. Julie, who was light a ray of sunshine to light up his darkest days. Julie, who had talent beyond measure and a heart the size of a planet. Julie, who brought him back to life. She had made it so much easier with her love and her reassurance and her strength. The way she made him feel was like nothing he’d ever felt before, and he couldn’t attribute all of it to her power when she made him, Alex, and Reggie visible. His soul sang for her, a leaping melody of rich highs and gentle lows, composed for her by him. Without her, he wouldn’t have been nearly as happy as he was.

Although he missed Bobby and performing as Sunset Curve, he was glad he got this second chance as part of Julie and the Phantoms. This really felt like their big break, like they were finally on their way to achieving their greatness. In a way, everything would start to feel complete once they put themselves out there and rose to great heights. Bobby had made a name for himself, and it was time for the rest of Sunset Curve to join him, along with one incredibly talented girl who Luke would risk it all for.

But all that didn’t mean he wasn’t frightened. If anything he was even more scared. Now they had so much more to lose – each other and their second chance. He wasn’t sure they’d get a third.

There was only one person that really had a chance of ruining it all again, getting in their way. Caleb. Luke hadn’t seen him since that night and he was glad of it, but also wary. They had no idea where Caleb was, what he was planning, how he was going to get back at them this time. Caleb Covington didn’t seem like the type of ghost who knew when to leave an issue alone. Luke was sure that he would be back.

All that confused him was the fact that Caleb had never really explained why he wanted the boys as part of his band. It seemed like very extreme lengths to go to just because they were good musicians. It made him wonder if he, Alex, Reggie, and Julie had some untapped well of power deep inside each of them. If they did, and if they could harness that strength before Caleb could get to them then Luke was certain that their futures as legends would be cemented. As they deserved.

Good luck in the afterlife,

I hear the morning sun doesn’t cast no shadow,

You chose to drift away,

But look at you now.

Julie thought about her mother a lot. She knew that Rose was looking down on her, that much was certain. If she hadn’t been, then Julie would still be locked away, trapped by her grief, struggling to face each day as it came. She wouldn’t have had the boys, she wouldn’t have been playing music, she would have been quiet and empty still like she had been for so long.

It was Rose she had to thank. When she was alive, Rose would always build Julie up, tell her how much she was worth, that she was loved unconditionally and forever. Julie had thought that would all go away when she passed, but Rose – in her wisdom – had found a way to Julie still. She had carried on sending those messages and signs, showing Julie she loved her rather than telling her, urging her to carry on and be the star she was meant to be.

In return, Julie tried to find ways to thank Rose. She would talk to her because she was certain that she could hear. She would sing for her because Rose had always adored Julie’s voice. She would wear Rose’s old clothes, decorate rooms with dahlias and butterflies, sing along to the songs they had loved to duet while leaving Rose’s part free as if she would sing along too. It wasn’t a lot, but Julie knew that her mother would see it as enough. Julie’s private, quiet ways of honouring her mother would always be worth more than anything.

Sometimes, when she felt pensive, Julie would let herself think about how far she had come. She would stop being modest, just for a minute or two, and admit that she was strong, she was powerful, she was talented, and she deserved every good thing she had got. Julie hated thinking about the darkness she had been stuck in for so long, but when she thought about how she had created her own light and pulled herself out she felt nothing but pride. When she thought about what she was creating with the boys, she felt joy. When she thought about Rose, she felt a pleasant contentedness, knowing she was still there, rather than that damned hollow feeling she’d held for so long.

She could imagine how Rose would have reacted if she had still been there. After the performance at the Orpheum, Rose would have rushed backstage even if she wasn’t allowed, swept Julie up in her arms, twirled her around with a delighted laugh and told her that she was magnificent. She would have been so proud, Julie knew, so Julie felt that pride for herself.

“Look at you,” Rose would have said, straightening Julie’s jacket or running a gentle thumb across her cheek. “You’ve done so well, my little butterfly. You’re a star.”

She would have worked on songs with Julie, sang with her, prepared and supported her for her next gigs with the band. Just thinking of it made Julie realise that she had to do that herself, but it was alright. She could be her own cheerleader – her mother had taught her well and she could see that she had come a long way and deserved to be recognised for it. Besides, she had her dad, brother, and aunt there to remind her of it, as well as Flynn, Luke, Reggie, and Alex.

It wasn’t the same as having Rose, not really. Nothing ever would be. But the feelings Rose gave her would never go away – the confidence, the giddy joy, the focus, the feeling that everything would be alright eventually. Rose and her signs made sure Julie knew that. Julie schooled herself, made sure that she knew it no matter what. She always knew how far she had come and she was nothing less than proud.

*

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just let me know): @ace-bookworm @williexmercer @willex-owns-my-heart @itstiger720 @the-reckless-and-the-brave @that-one-newsie @bluedarkness @lookingthroughmirrors @tmp-jatp @salty-star @julieandthequeers @lmaohuh @sunnysbright 

[funkymbtifiction]

I absolutely loved the sorting chats thing but I was wondering if you have any other questions for figuring out your primary house? I took the test and I got the hatstall thing twice so I basically had to give my own imput on what house I think I am, but I can't figure out if I'm a Slythering primary who models Ravenclaw or the other way around and the questions on the quiz were too abstract to be helpful

Both the questions and the official descriptions, while helpful, are indeed vague. It always helps me to ‘see’ a House (or anything else) in ‘action’ in an actual person or a fictional character, in order for me to wrap my head around what someone of that House ‘looks like.’ They had a great many examples on their tumblr page until it was accidentally deleted / purged which helped me -- you kind of need to think about what each House values and represents, and then see them in a character that manifests those traits. Which is what I try to do when I write up my ‘Sorting’ posts (on my blog, previously linked) -- show how this character differs and how they might disagree with someone from another House, because of their primary focus.

But all of that is rather abstract too, isn’t it? ;)

Bottom line. Are you a Katniss Everdeen or a Luke Skywalker?

When you consider Slytherin, think about Katniss. What is her #1 priority in life? Her sister, Prim. She volunteers as Tribute so her sister does not have to go into the arena. She is willing to run off with Prim and Gale (another “chosen” family member) into the woods, and let the rest of society fend for itself, because at least her prioritized people, those to whom she is most loyal, would be safe. Katniss cares nothing for most of the other Tributes, but she adopts Rue in the arena, because Rue reminds her of Prim. She hunts for Prim. She tolerates the big orange cat that she hates for Prim. She does everything... for Prim, and later, for Peeta, once she has invited him into her small circle of ‘caring.’

For Slytherins, it’s MY people. MY family. MY city. MY country. It’s possessive, and personal, and it would gut them not to feel a sense of responsibility to prioritize THEIR people. If they were on their way to help a friend or a sibling and they ignored someone stuck in the ditch that tried to flag them down, there would be no guilt, because My People Come First. Always. That’s how they are wired. If this is only a ‘Model,’ it will be dropped like a hot potato the minute things get rough, and the person will feel no guilt. But the Slytherin would feel enormous guilt at not putting their people FIRST.

The Ravenclaw is not a loyalist house, but an idealist house. The Jedi Code is a perfect example of a Ravenclaw system -- it asks the Jedi to abandon their own instinctual feelings and gut impulses and live according to a set of high idealistic rules. Their expectations are lofty and their chosen system is something they live by, because they have created or adopted it to take the place of emotionalism. The Ravenclaw might craft ‘it is good to defend and prioritize one’s family’ into their system, but it would come from a place of intellect more than emotion. Luke Skywalker is a good example of this -- of a man who chooses to live by the Code of the Jedi, but who also crafts and shapes it more to his own form. Luke, being a compassionate individual, adds such things as love and mercy to his own version of the Code. And he lives that out. Kylo Ren is also another Ravenclaw, who is rejecting his own emotions in an attempt to live up to an ideal -- for much of the first two movies, a bad ideal, but a system he believes in (the Dark Side of the Force, and a renouncement of his feelings) and tries to enforce on other people through persuading them to join him (Rey).

Fortunately, being a Ravenclaw also means that when he sees another, better way to be (again, through Rey’s influence and her healing him)... he can discard the old system without a second thought, without guilt, and adopt an entirely new one. That is the skill and talent of the Ravenclaw. To forever be tinkering with what they hold to be true, and what they live by. If they find out their system is flat out wrong, irrational, corrupt, or immoral, most Ravenclaws will abandon it. Like Kylo Ren, they will toss the broken lightsaber into the sea and go build a new one. (The lightsaber being their “I live by these principles.”) These ideals come from the outside and their own tinkering, but they aren’t instinctively felt. Unlike the Slytherin, they do not go by emotions -- they go by what they have chosen to be.

As previously mentioned, I know a Slytherin. She always had a deep abiding affection for Katniss, because she understood her completely. When The Hunger Games first came out, and I was struggling to understand why she liked it so much (I found it incredibly depressing and morbid), she just said, “I would do that for my sister.” Years later, when she was taking the Sorting Hat test, I knew she would come out a Slytherin, because... she is Katniss. But the difference between us was distinctive. She would rush to defend, to protect, to be loyal to, and I would sit back and analyze the situation from a detached viewpoint, ignoring any emotions I might be having in the process... because I am constantly weighing everything against my logical reasoning and my faith. It’s as simple as that. Of course my family comes first, but my faith also says to treat everyone with kindness and “do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” So there is always a push-pull in me between instinct (my family, not MY family) and everyone else, according to my belief system.

Consequently, if you want an idea of what a Hufflepuff looks like, look no further than Rey Skywalker. She may be a little grouchy and standoffish, but she also stands up for and defends... everyone. She has a collective emotional loyalty to the entire human race. She protects BB8. She protects Finn. She attaches herself easily to Han Solo, then to the mission to find Luke, then to the Rebellion, and finally, she even sees the potential for good and healing in Kylo Ren. Everyone is fair in her mind, everyone is equal, it would never occur to her to prioritize a select few over the greater good. Hufflepuff values.

And Leia, of course, is a Gryffindor. Someone who has found her Cause and intends to champion it, and you can come along for the ride or get the hell out of her way. She and Han, a Slytherin, butt heads a lot, because he has no interest in a Cause, until he attaches himself to her. Then her Cause becomes his Cause, in a truly Slytherin fashion -- what matters to My People, matters to me. She trusts her gut and does whatever it tells her to do, and entertains no turning aside for anyone. She will stand alone if she must.

You need to ask yourself, who am I? What do I trust? And what would gut me to ignore? My loved ones? Slytherin. My system and logic? Ravenclaw. My general concern for humanity? Hufflepuff. My gut instincts? Gryffindor. What are you willing to do in your life? Sacrifice other things to maintain and cultivate your intimate relationships? Slytherin. Abandon belief systems that you know to be erroneous without a second thought? Ravenclaw. Defend everyone who cannot defend themselves? Hufflepuff. Walk away from your entire family and friendship group on a matter of principle? Gryffindor. Who, by the way, do you ‘understand’ on a completely instinctual level? My Slytherin friend understood Katniss. My Hufflepuff friend understands Hufflepuffs. I understand Ravenclaws like Kylo Ren, because I get his struggle. It’s familiar to me. And my Gryffindor father understands Gryffindors and in true Gryffindor fashion, thinks cowardice is unforgivable. 

[detroitbydark]

Chp 13

Characters: Commander Fox x Mouse (reader), and more Jedi/clones/politicians than you can shake a stick at.

Summary: that one time Padme throws a big party, Bly cracks jokes, fox hates himself some more, mouse wears matching underwear, and Anakin has a heart to heart.

A/N: Snuggle up Fox Fanciers this boy is stupid long and full of yearning on a level I didn’t know I could yearn. You’ve been warned!

Special thanks as always to @skdubbs and @crimson-dxwn for being my sounding boards and supporters in all this. Love you ladies! 😘

————

“For the love of the Force…” Mouse curses quietly. Padmé was never going to let her live this one down. She turns, admiring herself in the floor length mirror. The kriffing dress was perfect. Like, absolutely perfect. Had she not lost a few kilos since Coruscant she may not have even fit it to begin with but she had and it did and it was all that mattered at the moment.

It was easier to admire the stunning red dress clinging to each curve, cutting off just below her knees than it was to think about him. Yeah, knowing Fox was going to be there and seeing him were two entirely different things. Seeing him had felt… complicated. 

There had been a split second when she’d first laid eyes on him in that door, bucket slung under his arm, that she would have done anything he asked just to be near him. The loss she’d felt the first few days on Naboo was nothing in comparison to what she felt when he’d entered the Senator’s office. It was a blessing to be holding Leia, to have Luke as an excuse to leave as soon as she could. 

She couldn’t think with him there. Her first instinct had always been to radiate to him, even before she’d really understood that was what she was doing. Fighting that instinct was hard and it hurt, but she didn’t think she had it in her to be that girl anymore. She didn’t know if she could give all of herself again and again to be pushed away when he got scared. 

Padmé had said all the activity would be just a few days and then they’d be back to normal. Mouse just had to survive. She’d gotten good at that.

On the way out the door she questions retrieving a shawl. She’d be eating with warriors, battle hardened soldiers. She doubts their delicate sensibilities would be thrown into a tizzy by the sight of her scars. Maybe the more delicate socialites and their wives, but she doesn’t much care for their opinions.

She reaches up to touch the skin of her shoulder as an afterthought. It wasn’t the appearance so much as the feel of it she didn’t like. She hated rubbing the lotion into it, the almost rubbery feeling of the proliferative tissue there, but the doctors had said it was important to keep it softened to prevent it from tightening and contracting over the joint. So, two to three times a day, Mouse let go of her own uneasiness and pressed the special lotion into the skin, rubbed and massaged until the skin was pink with irritation.

The walk to the grand dining room is short and Mouse's heels echo softly down the large hallway. She can hear the conversation before the doors are even opened for her, punctuated by deep, masculine laughter. She’s fashionably late and Padmé raises a brow from her spot across the room. Mouse offers an apologetic smile and the senator returns it. Anakin stands a foot behind his wife. His attention is split between watching her and conversing with his former master. 

It’s odd seeing the Jedi, both men, in formal wear. Tuxes just don’t look quite right on them. That’s not to say they don’t cut striking figures - General Kenobi would have his choice of Coruscanti society girls if he marched around the capitol like that. It's just a little wrong to see the Jedi not in their robes.

“Sweetling!” The deep rumble drags her attention from the senator who returns to speaking with the men in front of her, neither of whom Mouse recognizes.

“Marshall Commander,” she greets, turning and accepting a soft kiss on the cheek as Cody draws near.

“Mous’ika,” he chides, using the name he’d obviously heard somewhere.

“Yes, Cody?” she asks sweetly, managing to hold in her giggle until he laughs.

“That’s more like it! How have you been?” 

Mouse falls into conversation with the Commander of the 212th. They’d met a handful of times now since she’d arrived in Naboo. The Commander had accompanied his Jedi on more than a few visits and while General Kenobi was spending time with his former Padawan, Cody had taken to having tea with Mouse and Padmé. He was a steady man who loved to gossip over holodramas and sip herbal tea. In another life maybe, Mouse could picture him as a professor, or maybe the owner of a bookshop. Something quiet, studious.

A server makes the rounds as they chat and Cody plucks a flute from a tray and hands it to her. She takes it with thanks. The bubbles tickle her tongue as she takes a drink. Something prickles at the periphery of her senses and she glances around, trying to figure it out what it might be. She shakes off the feeling and gives her full attention to the Marshall Commander in front of her.

“This isn’t either of our particular scenes, I believe. We’ve got to blend in somehow.” He holds up his own tumbler in show, amber liquid and round cubes of ice rolling around in its confines.

“That’s very true. I was afraid I’d get here and be relegated to a wallflower.”

“As if Padme would allow that,” he scoffs.

Mouse laughs again. “Are you always right, Cody?”

“Ask General Kenobi.”

Music plays quietly, a string quartet from Coruscant flown in for just the night, as Mouse falls in at Cody’s side. A few troopers  in dress greys stop to chat for a moment here and there and Mouse dutifully smiles and offers polite conversation, laughs at the appropriate times. She recognizes some here and there, a scar or tattoo sticking out in her memory, all Commanders with the occasional Lieutenant thrown in for color. She feels the sensation again and can finally place it. It’s as if someone is watching her. Cody offers her a questioning look as she glances around again. She flashes a smile and shrugs. She was being silly. No one was watching her.

“Are you still sponsoring the little girl on Coruscant?” Cody asks, making polite conversation.

“Me’kar? Yes, I actually just received a comm from her guardian the other day. She’s doing well, picking up basic incredibly fast.” Mouse had started sponsoring the child shortly after her arrival, not able to get her bright smile and sweet eyes out of her mind. It wasn’t uncommon for the children’s home to accept sponsorships to supplement the small stipends they received from the Republic. It cost money to keep the children dressed and fed and extras could be more than the budget allotted for. Mouse was more than happy to do it and the updates and occasional holo from the little girl were bright notes in her week.

“Have you given more thought to adopting her?” Cody asks knowingly, as if it was a forgone conclusion.

“I’m still thinking.” Mouse shrugs. It wasn’t a decision to take lightly, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the little girl and what it would be like to come home to her everyday, to be a mother to a child that needed one. She’d once harbored a silly dream of a family with one clone commander and little Me’kar playing a starring role. Now she still thought of a family, but maybe just of two and not three. Cody glances over her shoulder, a smile splitting his features. Mouse turns and sees, arguably, the most beautiful Twi’lek woman in the galaxy wrapped in a body contouring dress that looks nearly painted on. 

“Have you met General Secura? Let me introduce you. She may be able to answer some of the questions you have.”

———

Aayla Secura was wonderful. Mouse found herself completely enthralled with the twi’lek woman as she spoke of Ryloth, customs, and traditions. The Jedi didn’t think her idea of adopting Me’kar to be improper and encouraged her. Family was important for her people and she didn’t believe any child should grow up without the opportunity to have one.

“I would encourage you to fill out whatever application needs to be started immediately. Bring the little one here or raise her on Coruscant, either way it sounds like you’ve been thinking a great deal on it. You’ve asked such important questions. The rest is all just figuring things out as you go.”

Mouse can’t help the bright smile she flashes. Aayla glances over her shoulder as Mouse takes a swallow of her second glass of bubbly. It’s sweet on her tongue and reminds her of Fall orchard fruits, crisp and delightful. She’s just a little bit more relaxed than she’d been an hour ago as the alcohol works to relax her nerves when she thinks she feels eyes again. She’s quick to laugh it off as nerves - she hadn’t been around so many people in ages.

“Have you met my Commander Bly yet?”

Mouse wonders on “my” for a moment, but as soon as the Commander is at the Jedi’s side she wonders no more. He stands close, closer than to be expected and his hand rests along the cutout in the Jedi’s dress for just a moment longer than is proper as he greets her. 

“I’m rounding up stragglers, sir,” he says with a half smile, turning and offering Mouse a nod. She holds out a hand and Aayla introduces her. Bly has a moment when his brows twitch up in unison before he takes her hand and shakes it gently. “If you ladies would care to, I believe we're supposed to take our seats for dinner.”

Bly offers his arm to his general and she slips hers through it, allowing him to guide her. Mouse follows a half a step behind as they move to the grand hall. Large round tables are set up under sparkling chandeliers. Mouse tries to break off to a smaller one, out of the way and to the side of the room, but it seems Cody has taken up the rear behind the trio. He takes her arm gently as she tries to veer off.

“I believe you were assigned a seat of importance, Sweetling.”

Mouse shakes her head. She really was only here because Padmé wouldn’t hear of her not being there. She tries to explain to Cody as Bly glances over his shoulder. A look passes between the two troopers.

“I’m sure there’s at least one seat left at the head table.” 

Mouse watches as Aayla gives her Commander a questioning look. She swears she sees him wink.

She’s not watching where he guides her, still gently trying to plead her case. She looks to her left and sees Padmé smiling brightly and knows she won’t back her up in her decision to hide in the shadows. Cody pulls the chair out for her as she offers him a grumpy look. He chuckles and captures her hand, bringing it to his lips for a soft kiss. Mouse feels her cheeks flame, too flustered to come up with anything in response. She doesn’t pay attention to the set of greys next to her as Cody nods and she slides into her seat. Not until he walks to his own seat beside General Kenobi does Mouse turn to introduce herself.

And comes face to face with the Commander of the Coruscant Guard.

Fox is leaned back in his seat, brow raised in her direction. He radiates slow simmering irritation.

“I- I’m sorry” she doesn’t know why she’s apologizing. She had nothing to do with this. Her eyes dart around frantically trying to find any other option, an escape, but all the other seats are full and the last of the guests are taking their places at the other tables. If she got up now she’d only draw more attention to herself.

Fox says nothing as he turns back to his drink and Bly on his other side. Mouse stares down at her plate, her stomach already twisting into knots. She throws back her drink, downing the rest in one swallow. A passing waiter offers her another and she readily accepts. Maybe if she’s just a little bit drunk this wouldn’t be so bad. 

Padmé clears her throat and all eyes fall to where she stands at the head of their table. She’s resplendent, of course, in a loose cream gown that drapes her in the most eye pleasing of ways. Even if she didn’t have an air about her that demanded attention, her wardrobe choice alone would have done the job.

“I’d like to begin by thanking everyone for their company on this lovely evening. As I’m sure you’ve heard,” she says as if she’s letting the room in on a grand secret, “we’ve recently welcomed our first children into the world.” The small gathered crowd laughs as if on cue. Mouse glances to the other tables. She didn’t know faces, but she’d dutifully typed all the names into the guest list Padmé had dictated. They were some of the most influential individuals in the outer rim. Padmé has thought to treat this evening as a soft unveiling of the plan she’d eventually propose to the senate. It was a test crowd of her peers. She’d use their reaction to modify and gauge where to go from here.

“Now,I find being a mother is much like being a senator. There is always something that needs doing and a mother’s work, much like a senators, is never done.” She offers a smile as she glances from one side of the room to the other. 

“The men and women I have invited here today,” she gestures to the clones and Jedi around her “are very familiar, also, with work that never seems to be done. These are the Marshall Commander and Commanders who keep the Grand Army of the Republic afloat. They and their men risk their lives for a Republic which has given them nothing in return, and for that,” Padmé gives a gentle smile around the table, “I want to be the first to openly admit that we have done them a grave disservice.” 

Mouse glances to see the wait staff lining up along the walls with the first course. She really does try to pay attention to what the senator has to say, but Fox is so close. She can imagine she wouldn’t have to move far to be back against his chest, feel his hot breath against her skin. Maybe he’d wrap his arm around her, hold her tight, whisper sweet things in her ear-

Maker, she was pathetic. Her stomach turns in agreement.

“Throughout this evening I hope each and every one of you enjoy yourselves, and I also hope that you take a moment to give these brave men some of the gratitude that we, as a Republic, have denied them for far too long. Something I hope we will begin to change in the not so distant future.”

Polite clapping erupts as staff circles the tables and places the first course in one impressively synchronized movement. As Padmé sits, her husband leans in and presses a kiss to her cheek. Mouse looks away.

The food looks good. Or at least it should. Mouse had helped pick out the menu herself. Crudité, a small salad of exotic fruit, a light dressing. It should be perfect. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying it if the sound of silver clinking against china meant anything. She takes a bite and chews carefully - it has all the depth and flavor of sawdust.

“I didn’t realize you had a type.” 

Mouse glances at Fox who is firmly staring at his own plate, chewing as if nothing is amiss. He’d always looked good in his greys but he looks utterly delicious now. His hair is longer and his face is shaved clean of its usual five-o’clock shadow. 

“Excuse me?” Her voice is quiet, barely above a whisper.

“I didn’t take you for a trooper chaser.”

The food very nearly gets stuck in her throat as she attempts to swallow. She takes a pull of wine from her glass, coughing lightly.

“Everything ok, Mous’ika?” Cody asks from across the table, concern evident.

Retrieving her napkin from her lap, Mouse covers her next cough. “I’m fine, Cody.” She tries to give him a reassuring look from behind the fabric. “Must have forgotten to chew,” she jokes awkwardly. At her side Fox makes a low sound. Cody glances between the pair of them for a moment before turning back to General Kenobi at his side.

“Cody,” Fox says, and Mouse catches the quick flash of brown eyes. “I seem to remember it took nearly a year for you to say my name. You’re moving faster.”

“Why are you saying this?” she questions. Why would he think such a thing? She hadn’t done anything that deserved such an accusation. He shrugs before turning to Bly and asking him a question about field munitions.

It leaves Mouse's head spinning. No one else seems to notice as they all speak quietly to one another.

“Commander Bly? General Secura?” Bail looks to the other side of the table and the pair. “What are your feelings on Senator Amidala’s personhood bill I sent you?”

 “Far be it from me to dislike a law that makes me human,” Bly cracks. A round of laughter rises among the other troopers present. Aayla rolls her eyes at her Commander in an unmistakably fond way.

“What I believe the Commander is trying to say Chancellor, is that it is a more than welcome change to the status quo.”

“I was trying to say that?”

“Yeah, the vocabulary seems a bit past him,” Fox cracks dryly. 

Aayla looks from one to the other. “Force I wish General Koon and Commander Wolffe could have been here. Maybe than you’d remember how to behave.”

“The ori’vod is the one who taught us,” Bly offers with faux indignation.

Obi-wan manages to smother a chuckle, though a smile still tugs at his lips. “Master Plo Koon sends his deepest apologies. The Wolffe pack is still firmly entrenched on their mission and he didn’t feel it appropriate to leave them.”

There’s a general consensus of agreement among the group. Mouse catches General Kenobi's occasional glances around the table, the majority of them falling between Commander Bly and his General.

“Senator Amidala,” he begins, his voice pensive, “How do you propose to introduce your personhood bill?”

Padmé gives a warm smile. She’d been waiting for this; Mouse can tell by the way her eyes sharpen and the slight quickening of her voice. “I think we need to show the public that it’s not only the GAR that stands behind the Clones, but also the Jedi Order as well.”

Mouse makes a small sound of dissent, feeling Fox adjust next to her.

“Mous’ika?” Cody questions, “Do you not agree with the senator?” Mouse looks embarrassed as she glances Padmé’s way, but the senator looks more curious than anything. Mouse gathers her thoughts while she finishes her glass of wine. A passing server goes to refill the glass but, at her side, Fox waves him off. She wants to glare at him, but all eyes are on her, waiting.

“I’m no politician, so I’m not sure my opinion should amount to anything,” she begins, “but general public opinion about the Jedi Order is not…” She looks apologetically at the few Jedi at the table “Well, it’s not good right now.”

There’s some concerned looks flying her way. Bless. It was easy to miss what was happening at home when one was in a war zone the majority of the time. 

She reaches for where her wine should be and grabs a glass of water that hadn't been there a moment ago. She takes a sip before speaking again.

“It would be a poor decision to align solely with the Order on this one, I feel. Just a look at the holonews and you’ll see articles and op-eds questioning the Jedi’s involvement in the war.”

Fox clears his throat.

“She’s right” How sweet it was to hear those words. “We’re dealing with domestic terrorism on an unprecedented level. Nothing that we can’t handle but it’s something to take into consideration. The public feels like the Order has overstepped its bounds. It lacks policing of its own.” Fox holds up his hand when Obi-wan goes to speak. “While that may not be the case, in the court of public opinion the Order is guilty more than it is not.”

Mouse can feel him looking at her, handing the reins back over. “The average Coruscanti already is apprehensive of such a large military force within their presence. It’s going to take some doing to convince them to see the troopers as anything but soldiers awaiting orders” she finishes diplomatically.

There are speculative looks and nods around the table. “Much to think about,” Bail agrees, taking a slow sip of wine. His eyes linger between her and Fox for far longer than she likes. “Thank you.”

Mouse nods, her cheeks glowing hot from the attention. Her hand brushes against Fox’s as she sets it back down on the table. Her fool’s heart skips a beat when he doesn’t pull away immediately. She fights the urge to lace her little finger with his. Luckily, the next course comes and they both have to adjust to the changing of plates.

Her stomach is still turning in loops and food is still not something that sounds appealing in the slightest as the main course comes out. She doesn’t even remember what it’s supposed to be. It looks like it was probably delicious, roasted meat and delicate fresh vegetables sautéed to perfection. She takes a few testing bites but her plate remains mostly untouched.

“Quit pushing your food around and eat”. Of course she hasn’t forgotten Fox is sitting next to her. It must have been too much to hope he had forgotten about her. 

Again, when she glances his direction he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to her. She doesn’t acknowledge he’s said anything and listens in quietly as the others at the table chat. 

She takes another bite and chews slowly before swallowing.

“Come on, another,” he says. This time something is softer about his voice. When Mouse looks she sees him glancing at her. 

Her chest tightens uncomfortably. Why did she give him the power to do this?

“Mouse.” 

She thinks for a moment that she just might be imagining things. Under the table Fox’s booted foot knocks softly against hers letting her know she wasn’t. This wasn’t fair. 

“Eat.” It’s a soft plea. He didn’t get to be soft with her anymore. He didn’t get to give orders. He’d lost those privileges.

“I’m not hungry.” 

Fox’s head turns slowly at her words. “You could have fooled me. You look like a strong wind could blow you away.”

“Let it go, Commander. You're being ridiculous,” she manages to whisper under her breath. She doesn’t realize the table has gone quiet, that half a dozen or more pairs of eyes are watching them. Fox hasn’t either.

“There are faster ways to kill yourself than starvation. I’m sure you remember at least one other way.” The sudden acid in his voice hides the sound of frustration and strikes a direct hit.

Mouse has never considered herself a dramatic person, far from it really. So the rapidly rising urge to turn and punch him in the eye comes as a surprise. The anger behind it is soon replaced by mortification when she realizes that everyone has gone quiet.

Cody’s jaw is set into a tight line, the antithesis of Bly’s slackened one. Both Aayla and Bail are staring down at their plates. Mouse doesn’t look at the others.

Fox is frozen at her side, unmoving and unspeaking. Horror is dawning in his eyes as she pulls the napkin off her lap and places it in her still full plate.

His hand fumbles reaching for hers under the table but she skitters out of his reach.

“If you’ll excuse me?” She addresses the gathered group, “I’ll be back shortly.” Hot angry tears are already starting to swell in her eyes as she pushes away from the table and makes her way from the great room. She manages to keep it together until she’s in the guest wing. She doesn’t slide to the floor in a heap til she’s in her room.

She doesn’t return to dinner.

————

 “You know I remember it all.”

The words catch Fox by surprise. He picks up the tumblr resting along the stone terrace wall and takes a drink as he looks at the Jedi - former Jedi- he didn’t even know what Anakin Skywalker was anymore.

“Congratulations?” Bitterness is already brewing in his gut. First Mouse and now this? Could it get any worse? Could a man not drink away his self-loathing in peace?

“The first time I met the Chancellor I was a child, but I remember it like it was just this morning. He smiled at me. It was like having someone see me for the first time. Like my Mother. Like Qui-Gon-“

Fox isn’t in the mood for this. 

“-as I got older his attention focused on me. He honed me. Groomed me for something-“

“That’s great, sir, really.” He’d failed to hold back his acidic comments when Mouse had been near. Now that it was Skywalker he doesn’t even care to try.

“Shift it Fox and listen to what the kriff I’ve got to say.”

Fox brings the glass to his lips and finishes it in one long, slow pull before taking it and throwing it out into the placid lake below. It would have felt better had it smashed. The urge to break something has been simmering on the back burner all night. Skywalker was bringing it to a rapid boil. 

“And what are you trying to say Jetii? Your life story means to me about as much as sith spit.”

Something dangerous flares in the other man’s eyes. “We’re the same, you and I.”

Fox barks a laugh, a bitter stagnant sound as he feigns turning away for just a moment only to spin right back. “You and I are nothing alike. Are you one of millions? Does your order see you as interchangeable battle fodder? Tell me your serial number, sir.”

“Your loyalty is unquestionable. You would do anything for the people you care about.” Anakin seems undeterred by Fox’s growing ire. “We both love women who are far stronger than we gave them credit for-“

“Shut up.” Fox’s voice is low, a warning growl from a wounded animal. He’d already hurt someone he’d claimed to love, said something ugly and cruel. It wouldn’t take much effort to get him to throw a swing against the man in front of him.

“-we think we know best. Sometimes we do. Then we let our own ego get in the way and we hurt the ones we love with our good intentions.”

“What about shut up don’t you understand?” Fox takes a step forward, chest out. He wants this to escalate. 

“What I don’t understand is how you can take a girl like her and purposefully hurt her. I watched her put a blaster to her-“

“ENOUGH!” Any cool Fox had left vanishes as he closes the space between them. His finger jabs into the other man’s chest, punctuating his point. “You don’t get to talk about her. You don’t get to talk about that night.” 

How dare he. In the end, who was he but Sidious’s favorite lap dog? Rage boils over as Anakin steps into the jabbing finger, making Fox take an unwanted step back.

“Yeah? You want to go there? Pretty sure I remember being there just as much as you were. I was also there when your blaster killed Fives.”

Fox can’t hide the way he flinches at the name. 

Anakin takes a slow even breath before he speaks again. “Fox, I’m not going to say I didn’t want to turn the damn thing on you and put two through your composite -Jedi way be damned- but I can look back and remember what your face looked like. When you stepped in the corner where you didn’t think anyone could see? You didn’t want to shoot Fives. You didn’t want to kill your brother.”

Fox closes his eyes, tipping his head up toward the night sky.

“She knew that too-“

“You think I don’t realize what she was doing? You think I don’t realize she was ready to sacrifice herself so I didn’t have to kill someone else I - “ He opens his eyes focusing back on the Jedi. 

“But you didn’t feel her in the Force like I did. I was as much of a mess as any of us but you know what I felt coming from her?”

Fox shakes his head. He doesn’t want to know.

“Resolve. Love and resolve. She would have done anything to keep you safe. She was the only steady one of us all.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” He’d seen it in Mouse’s eyes, that decision she’d made and would have followed through with. For him. The nightmares where she had to follow through still found him, the ones with her wide eyes staring up blank and glassy while smoke rose in tendrils from her head.

“Because we're the same. Our love was used as fuel for manipulation. It was a tool to gain our compliance. I saw a future where Padmé died. Over and over and Palp- Sidious made me think I could stop it. If I did what he said I could stop it all. Then he was dead and I still had the dream. But you know what? She would have died at my hands because of me, because of my blind, fumbling attempt to prevent it in the first place and my children -” Emotion swells in his voice.

“When I watched you tonight, when I heard what you said, I saw those very blind steps I had been taking all over again. Stop it, Fox. She doesn’t deserve it.” Anakin stops and takes a deep breath, 

“You don’t deserve it. Let the pain stop.”

Fox drags himself away from the Jedi, turning his back to stare out at the expanse of water below. “There’s no fixing what I’ve done”

“I think you’re wrong.”

“And I think you’re a fool.”

———-

Fox feels spent. Physically and emotionally exhausted, riding the fallout of an adrenaline surge down to rock bottom after his confrontation with Skywalker.

He’s ready for bed. He needs a solid six hours of sleep. Maybe a coma? 

He wasn’t pleased with the continued attempts by others to force something with Mouse that was obviously not meant to be. He wasn’t pleased with his own behavior in response to it. He wasn’t a Hutuun, but he had certainly acted like one. Honestly, he'd rather take the butt of a blaster to his head as opposed to thinking about it anymore. 

He tried to think of something else. Personhood. Not in a million lifetimes did Fox think someone as powerful as the Chancellor of the Republic or one of its most brilliant senators would take up the torch for him and his brothers. It was bound to be a controversial bill but after listening to Bail and Padmé speak, it didn’t seem so overwhelming. It was a real possibility that the end of the war wasn’t going to mean the proverbial scrap heap. The end of the war could mean citizenship, recognition, lives outside of battle and the GAR. 

The thought left him a little lightheaded - or maybe that was the Alderaanian wine that had been flowing. 

He tries to rein in his excitement at the thought. If Fox had learned one thing in his time in Coruscant and among politics it was that politicians were exceptionally good at dragging their shebs when it came to anything good. It would require finesse and more than a little debate for the good Senator to see her plans to fruition. If anyone could do it, it was Padmé. The time frame in which she could do it was up for debate. Fox raises a brow as he looks down the hall. If the sound coming from General Secura’s room meant anything, there was some very brisk debating going on between the General and her Commander. 

Fox tries not to look at Mouse’s door as he goes to his own. He tries not to think about what personhood would mean for his vode that had broken regs and found something to fight for outside of the GAR.

 Fox is  barely in his door, already bending to remove his boots when he hears it, a soft plaintive voice in the hall. It’s instantly familiar. He’s already cursing himself. He’d done enough to her tonight. Obviously, he’d proven that he couldn’t be in the same room without hurting her. He hears her voice again and he’s pulling the door open without a second thought. 

Mouse is leaning half in the hallway. “Hello?”

The disaster that had been dinner flashes in his mind's eye as do Skywalker’s words from a short time ago.

Let the pain stop.

Clearing his throat, he steps into the hall.

“Oh Maker...” it’s not the exact thing he was hoping to hear as she laid eyes on him, but he’s sure it’s no less than he deserves. “It had to be you, didn’t it?”

Fox gives her an appraising look. Her cheeks were hot and flushed even before she’d seen him and the gown she’d worn to dinner is still firmly in place. Her gentle eyes are rimmed in red. She looks just as stunning as she had a few hours ago. 

The foundation his resolve has been built upon continues to crumble.

He chides himself. That foundation had never been strong, not when he’d asked Bail to transfer her, not when he’d seen her in her hospital room, certainly not when she’d given him the cold shoulder earlier when they’d arrived. It seemed everything about Mouse worked to destroy the barrier he’s tried to erect between them.

“What’s wrong?” He asks gruffly. He’s tired from travel and of the mental gymnastics he’d been putting himself through. Mostly though he was tired of feeling like he was fighting with both her and himself.

Mouse's eyes dart each way down the hallway as if looking for someone else to save the day. She isn’t that lucky. A particularly loud moan coming from Secura’s room emphasizes that point.

“My dress-“ a new wave of red blooms in her cheeks, “the zipper is stuck. I’ve been trying for nearly an hour and…” She glances down at the floor and her bare feet. He hates that she won’t look at him but he’s done nothing to earn that honor now has he?

He huffs taking a breath and a leap. “If you don’t hate the idea of my help, I’m willing to offer it.”

Mouse's eyes slowly rise back to his. “I-“ she’s making a decision as well. He can see it written across her face. Maker, he thinks, please give me this one chance.

“Yes. Please.” She stutters out her answer, pulling away from the door frame and moving into the suite. She glances over her shoulder as she moves as if she’s afraid he wouldn’t actually follow.

Mouse stops near a small dressing table with brushes and makeup laid out on its top. A full size mirror is immediately to its side. She watches him in the reflection. It’s the first time since the hospital on Coruscant that Fox has been alone with her. That feels like so long ago, another life and time. They’re two different people now.

He steps carefully into her space as if one off movement would spook her and this would all end. This close he can smell the soft floral perfume she’s dabbed on. He can feel the heat radiating from her. Equal parts comfort and temptation rolled in one. 

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he says suddenly. Skywalker’s words haunt him. “I shouldn’t have said the things I did.” Mouse’s head cocks to the side as she watches him.

“Why did you then? I’m certainly not Cody’s type and-“

“And what?”

She steals herself. Fox can see the deep breath she takes before she speaks again, “even if I was, my interest will always lie elsewhere.”

The meaning of her words strike home. “Me? After everything?”

“It was always you.” She admits softly.

She still- she still cared for him? After everything?  After he’d nearly killed her. After he left her maimed. After he pushed her away over and over. 

More of the wall crumbles. All he’d have to do now is take one big step and he could be over it.

“So, this zipper you were talking about?” He deflects, needs another minute to think because there's too much to sort through and he can’t make more mistakes. Not with Mouse. Not with them.

She nods softly toward her left side, pulling her arm forward to show the jammed apparatus. Fox closes his eyes. Her scars stand proudly from under the thin straps of her dress. When he opens them he catches Mouse watching him in the reflection, her look is sad. 

“I can find someone else-“ 

His hand immediately drops to her hip as she tries to walk away, pulling her back and erasing the laughable space in between them. The shock shows on both of their faces.

“Easy,” he manages, and after a moment she settles against him. His thumb rubs small circles over her waist and he’s not sure if he’s trying to soothe her or himself. “I’m just coming up with a plan of action.” That draws a small smile from her but it’s all the encouragement he needs. “You need help taking your hair down?” He turns his head, the tip of his nose brushing against the soft strands still secured in their up-do.

 It’s an absolute sithshit question, she had two working arms she could remove all the pins and clips herself, they both know this. Fox just wants- he wants more time. He wants to be ready to look at the damage he’s done and not feel repulsed by it. To maybe, just maybe, not hate himself when he looks at it.

“I- yeah, that would be helpful.” She says quietly after a moment. She sits on the stool in front of the mirror, her eyes following his actions with apprehension and curiosity. Fox takes a steadying breath and begins. 

He’s never done this before, that is to say done anything more than held hairpins passed to him by senators like Padme and Chuchi on a transport after an event when they complained of the intricate styles giving them headaches or had simply needed to feel free of the bindings of senate formality. He’s seen enough though, and begins to work slowly from the base of her skull working up to the crown of her head. Mouse holds out her hand and he drops the thin pins in as he goes. As her hair begins to spill down, he watches her transform before his eyes back into the mouse he’d always known. Loose waves frame her face, still painted to perfection. Her red lips part and a soft breath escapes her as he massages his fingers along her scalp. Tension melts from her shoulders and she begins to lean back into him as his fingers rake through her hair, untangling strands until they slip smoothly through her fingers.

“You're going to make me fall asleep if you keep that up,” she says finally. The ghost of a smile crosses his face.

“Come on then. Stand up. Let’s get this thing undone before you have to sleep in it.” The stool is pushed to the side as she stands, and Fox moves a half a step back so he can see what he’s doing.

“The chain,” she says softly, catching his attention. “Unclasp it first, before the zipper. I can’t reach that at all.”

The thin gold chain hangs low on her bare back, spanning the distance between the straps of her dress. It glitters temptingly in the light, just like it had when he’d seen it earlier at dinner, when his mouth had gone dry at the mere sight of her.

Fox meets her eyes in the mirror as his hand moves softly from her right hip, up and over her back. His fingers drag feather-light over the bare skin they find. Mouse's eyes flutter shut and he can see her inhale deeply. Her skin was still as soft as he remembered. He gently scoops her hair to one side, over her right shoulder. Her eyes are still closed.

“Breathe, precious girl,” he orders softly, fighting a wince at the pet name that slips out. If Mouse cares, she doesn’t let on. She exhales slowly, opening her eyes at the end. Her pupils take a moment to adjust back to the light. “Am I ok?” he asks quietly.

“Are you?” There’s no heat or snark in her words. She’s staring at him, genuinely curious.

“I think so.” His fingers find the tiny gold catch holding the chain in place and it opens with ease.

“Can you- do you think you can do the zipper. If it’s too much to look at I-“

Fox stops her with a low sound. She hadn’t looked unsure or self conscious in the gown she wore all night. He wasn’t going to be the one to make her question it now. He’d already done enough. 

“I’m good.” 

He gently presses her left arm forward to gain access. He takes a steading breath as he looks down. The scarring spills across her shoulder, two shades lighter than her normal skin tone. He’s seen plenty of burns in his career and this wasn’t the worst but it feels like it is because he was the cause of it. A few centimeters more and he would have missed her entirely. A few centimeters the other way and-

His fingers move to the gown, easily plucking open the hook and loop closure at the top of the zipper. Mouse sucks in a sharp breath as the tips of his finger skim along the bare skin there.

“Is this ok?” he asks. She nods mutely. “I need words, Mouse,” he urges as gently as he can muster.

“It’s good.” Her voice wavers slightly as she speaks, “Go- go ahead.”

Fox can hear his heart beating in his skull. He can hear the rush of air through his lungs. Everything feels loud as his fingers slowly work at the jammed zipper. Mouse’s breathing is shallow as his fingers press into her, as they pull and twist until whatever has been keeping the closure jammed comes loose and it slides down. His fingers trail behind the zipper as it falls open.

He looks up to find her eyes on him again in the mirror's reflection. Her pupils are blown wide and her lips are parted. Fox feels the beginning wave of blood rush to his groin, the surge only becoming stronger as Mouse slowly - carefully - reaches up and slides the right strap of her gown down. She doesn’t look away from his reflection as her hand trails across her collarbone to the left strap. She pauses as if waiting for him to tell her to stop.

Fox puts the tips of his fingers over hers and together they lower the strap. He can see the rest of the scar now, can really get a feel for the size and the shape of it. It’s glossy compared to the surrounding area, as if her skin had been pulled too tight and frozen that way. She slides her fingers from the strap - laying flat against her lower arm - up, bringing his fingers along with it.

“Does it hurt?” The question slips out as her fingers glide over the surface.

“Not usually. It pulls sometimes,” she says softly, “They both do. I use lotion, try to get it massaged a couple times a day.” Fox’s eyes lock on hers. “The other option was worse.”

That’s right. She could be dead. He’s tried not to think of that the last few months, so trapped in his own guilt about hurting her that each time the psych droid brought it up he immediately countered with how she wasn’t and she had to live with what he’d done to her.

“Can I…?” He glances down and then back up. Mouse gives him a tense smile and a nod.

It feels different from how skin is supposed to feel. It feels thicker, less textured missing the fine hair that covered the rest of her arm. He traces the outline of it. It had only been glancing, the distal part of her shoulder taking the brunt of the burn from the bolt. His fingers map out the boundaries twice before he comes to a stand still.

He doesn’t want to stop touching her. 

“Where’s your lotion?”

She doesn’t question him. He can see it in her eyes, in the split second of hesitation. She doesn’t want this to stop either. 

One arm moves across her chest to hold her gown in place while the other reaches to the dressing table and wraps around a bottle. Fox takes it when offered and squeezes a small amount into his hand. 

He’s taking that step over his wall, he realizes.  It doesn’t feel like much of an obstacle anymore anyway as it lays in crumbles at his feet.

Her skin is warm under his touch, no real difference between the good tissue and the scarred as far as temperature is concerned. He works the lotion into her skin pressing his thumb in firm circles from the edges to the center. Mouse lets out a tiny sigh and it’s becoming more difficult to ignore the desire roiling in his belly. 

“Fox…”  he hums in response to the soft moan of his name, “it feels so good.”

“I missed you, Cyar’ika.” He offers tentatively as he presses in close, aligning her back against his chest. His free arm wraps around her waist holding her lightly against him. His hand falls away from her skin and his mouth descends to pepper soft kisses. She was warm. She was alive. she could be dead but she wasn’t and in the end it was because of his actions that he could still hold her, still hear the soft hitch in her breath as he sucks gently at the juncture where her shoulder and neck meet. 

Mouse’s head tips, offering him more room. Her arm falls away from her dress and reaches back behind her, cradling the back of Fox’s while he sucks a mark into her skin. A sea of red flutters to the floor as the dress falls. Fox growls as he looks up and sees the pair of them, him still in his greys and her naked except for a small lacy pair of red panties. His red. From there his eyes travel up, finding the other shot he fired. 

The scarring to her right flank is worse than the shoulder; he can see the puckered skin and the patterned appearance of healed grafting but he doesn’t feel the wave of guilt he’s felt earlier. She was alive and hot in his arms.

“Tell me to stop.” He demands quietly against her skin, “make me stop.”

Mouse’s hips press back against the hard line of his erection straining in his greys. Another low growl spills from his lips as he spins her around. Her lips are on his in an instant, messy and desperate as she presses up and into him. Her teeth pull at his lower lip. “Fox…”

His hands cradle her face as he slots his mouth over hers, breathing in the air she gives him like a gift from Fett himself. He can feel the press of her breasts against his chest, the way her hands wrapped around him and gripped at his back. 

It was a dream. It had got to be. If it was, it was  the first good one he’d had in months. Mouse whines quietly as his hands slide down and grips her hips as if they were the only thing tethering him to this reality. It’s too much and he should stop but he can’t because what he should do and what he wants to do are too wildly incompatible.  His fingers graze over the pebbled skin of her right flank. Mouse inhales sharply.

“Stop.” The word leaves her mouth with sudden desperation, like it had been pulled from her body unwillingly.  It’s like a bucket of cold water thrown over Fox as he jerks away.

Mouse turns from him, shaking her head as she snatched up a robe and quickly wraps it around herself. They’re both panting quietly.

He’d done something wrong, misread her signals. He was scum. He was an idiot. He should-

“I can’t do this again” She’s still breathless when she speaks, ruby lipstick smeared over swollen lips. “Fox look at me.” She demands quietly when he tries to turn away. “You can’t do this to me again.”

“Do what?” He can hear the desperation in his voice, he sounds pathetic.

She looks at him for a moment before she moves closer to him. He wants to turn away. He doesn’t want to hear how he’s ruined everything, how everything has become clear but it was now too late. 

Her hand comes up softly to his cheek as she looks at him through dark lashes. Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“You can’t make me want you again, not if you're going to push me away when things get hard.” She has her free arm crossed over her chest. Her tone isn’t as strong as her words. They waiver as they fall from her lips. 

He wants to make her every promise in the book before he even knows if he can keep them and it’s not about getting his dick wet.

He misses her. Has missed her every single day since the horrible event in the Chancellor’s office.

He misses her smile - the soft one she saved just for him. He misses the way she viewed the world  from a different but similar way he did. He misses planning for a future with her even if he hadn’t told her any of it. Most of all he misses the quiet moments, the times when they would just lay together and enjoy being near one another.

“It was all for you Cyar’ika.” He says with force, as if he said it sure enough he’d convince her that every action he’d ever made in regards to her was completely selfless.

“Kriff” she curses, shaking her head. Her hand falls away and he misses the warm feeling of her skin against his, “you of all people-“ she mutters under her breath before speaking clearly.

 “I get to make choices Fox. When it comes to my life, I get to weigh the risks and benefits and I get to make choices. You took that away from me. Have I loved being here?” she asks, gesturing around at the sumptuous suite, “I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t, but would I have rather been with you? Do you know that answer.”

Fox shakes his head.

“That’s right! Because you never asked. The truth is I would have rather been with you every minute of every day of the last three months. Doing paperwork, writing schedules, reviewing supply requisitions, it wouldn’t have mattered because I’d have been with you.”

“Cyar’ika, I didn’t-“

“No Fox, you didn’t think.” She sniffs lightly, her eyes bright with unshed tears, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life and you pushed me away. You turned your back on me when I needed you and now? Now you’re here and we fall into our old patterns? Not again. Not unless you can promise me you are in this 100% because I can’t do it again. My heart just can’t.” 

Fox reaches out and swipes a trailing tear with his thumb “I-“ She leans into his touch, her cheek resting against his palm as her eyes drift shut. Just one second. she allows herself that. She straightens and steps away before his eyes can memorize the image of her.

“No, don’t say anything right now. Leave. Think. Decide what it is you really want. If it’s me you can find me and let me know.” There’s a finality to her words that has him biting back any response he may have made. She steps into him, rising up on her toes and gently bumping her forehead against his own.

“I do love you,” he says quietly.

 Mouse blows out a ragged breath. “I know. You just need to decide if that’s going to be enough.” She moves toward the door, opening it. “Goodnight Fox.”

[ohgodmyeyes]

hi! I was curious as to what are both your fav and least fav versions of anakin? (like aotc, rots, old force ghost, clone wars, etc)

This is such an exciting question, but I'll try to be succinct instead of long-winded and boring. (My stories are already there for that.) Here's a quick rundown of a few different Anakins, from my most treasured to the one (and only one) I tend to side-eye: 

ROTJ Anakin / Force Ghost Anakin - I'm grouping these guys together, because I love them all for the same reason, and that reason is that they DID it. ROTJ Anakin is the Anakin who finds himself again; who takes responsibility for his family, and a huge step toward atoning for the things he's done. He spends ROTJ slowly changing; we see it in how he regards the Emperor, and the way he regards Luke. The closest thing he’s ever going to do to getting his wife back, realistically, is saving his son and finally openly defying Palpatine. It doesn’t matter that anyone else knows Vader has been rescued from himself, or that he was really a good man all along. Luke knows, and that’s enough; it’s part of why their relationship is so special to me. Luke is the only living person who says a proper goodbye to Anakin: He knew all along that it was worth it to try to know him. That’s beautiful.

His journey isn't finished at this stage, exactly, but his he's in a better place than he's ever been, and I love him for it. He's hope personified, even for the very worst of us.

As an aside— physicality isn't a barrier to any of this; I love him all busted up and dying, I love him as a fully-healed Sebastian Shaw, and as a pretty, young Hayden Christensen.

Padawan Anakin / AOTC Anakin / Jedi Quest Anakin - In second place is a much younger iteration of him— a sad, lonely kid who's easily excitable, and dangerous, somehow, without being at all frightening. He's a mixed-up kid who's had a less-than-ideal upbringing, bound to an ancient prophecy no one knows enough about. He cries out constantly to be held and loved; he's got his heart in his hand, and he's always ready to give it away to the next person who shows him kindness— or who even just needs him. 

He's still so compassionate and well-intentioned at this point in his life, even when it doesn't benefit him. He can be petty and sensitive, although anyone would be, if they had to bear the kind of weight Anakin carries on his own shoulders at that age. His emotions sometimes run amok, but his heart is still so good... and more importantly than that, he knows it. He still has hope, for himself and for others, despite the overwhelming sense of 'otherness' he tends to feel. That's what sets him apart from Vader for me, even though I think AOTC Ani resembles the ultimate, 'suited' Darth Vader a lot more than the Anakin we meet at the beginning of ROTS. 

Plus— although this is fairly irrelevant— AOTC Anakin happens to be Anakin at peak hotness. No damn wig is going to change that, nor is the sad fact of my own rapidly-advancing age. :) 

Little Kid Anakin / TPM Anakin - The sweet baby version of Anakin comes in next for me. The altruism he struggles to hang onto until he finally falls is front-and-centre at this stage. He's tough by necessity (obviously, he's a fucking slave), but he isn't jaded yet— largely owing to his mother. Even when he loses Qui-Gon and gets to the Temple and struggles to integrate, his heart just stays enormous. God knows what he's already been through, but he never stops trying, and there's nothing fake about his confidence at this stage in his life. I love that; I think we could all stand to be a bit more like nine-year-old Anakin Skywalker.

There's an Anakin & Reader story on ao3 by @itohan called 'Kuebiko', and it's a beautiful depiction of what it might be like to be a caregiver for a very young Anakin. It's headed for some pretty sad places, to be sure, but there's a lot of sweetness and lovely (sometimes chilling) little insights into his character that I don't otherwise get to see very often. Anyone else with a soft spot for child Ani should go and read it.

'Classic' Vader, between the end of ROTS and the end of ANH - This is an enormous chunk of time, but again, I think it's more helpful than not if I just group these iterations of him together, at least for the purpose of compiling this list. It's horrific and tragic and a devastating waste of potential, but Anakin really does spend a huge amount of time mired in a thick, dark cloud of grief and anger. He convinces himself of a lot of stupid shit during this period in his life: 'Anakin is dead, I'm fulfilling my destiny, I can get Padmé back, she'd love all this ORDER I'm bringing, blah blah blah'. Every ounce of his extraordinary control is purely surface-level; he's a raging wildfire inside for a longer period of time than I think nearly anyone else could realistically sustain (as in, Kylo Ren was always going to die at 30, and I'm surprised I didn't, too lol).

He's empowered by his shitstain of a 'Master' to hurt and kill people against everything that once made him who he was, and no one can know he suffers for it (or for the loss of his wife, or the family he wishes he could have raised with her). No one can know anything about him; he's a man playing a part who can't ever take off his costume. Everything hurts him, and the only places he can turn to for comfort are the battlefield, and the inside of his own head. He has profound disabilities of every imaginable nature, and receives no more than the most cursory physical maintenance to remedy them. He escapes into his missions, but every one of those is a slight against his own better nature. His personal pursuits don't benefit him either; for basically twenty years of his life, he's living in an emotional storm— it ebbs and flows, but it never lets up, and his entire existence is set up specifically to reward the most despicable of his behaviour.

He doesn't make very many genuine emotional breakthroughs, because he's not allowed— just tricked and lied to and manipulated and taken advantage of, even when he's the one ostensibly in 'control'. His life only starts again when Luke comes into it; again, one more reason their connection is so special to me.

I'm going to go ahead and recommend another Anakin/Reader story by a different author; it's called 'mrfiveohone' by DarthDoritos, and it's on ao3. It's a brilliant exploration of what a strange, budding relationship with a youngish Vader might look like, and just an overall beautiful portrait of escalating intimacy on top of that. Another one I would highly recommend (completion status notwithstanding) is called 'Afterimage', and it is by garnettrees, also on ao3. It's a very dark Vaderdala story that gets right inside Anakin's head in the most wonderful ways. He never stops loving Padmé, and in that, he never truly stops being who he is. 

This is the Vader I (admittedly somewhat dramatically) see the most of myself in. It puts us at-odds sometimes, but my urge to get up underneath that mask and make him feel worthy of his own name is insurmountable. I love him because if I didn't, I'd be in trouble. 

Which brings us to TCW Anakin… who is, perhaps, the only version of Anakin I can honestly say I don't care for. Which is fine, because the show itself really isn't my kind of thing. Suffice to say, that particular depiction of him departs so dramatically from any of the other ones I've known (or listed here) that I just can't get into it, no matter how hard I try. 

I'm going to end this with a shout-out to Lego Anakin! I've never seen a shitty version of Lego Anakin, whether in a cartoon or on my desk at home. :)

Thank you for asking, anon. That was fun to write out!

[warriorswand]

One, I completely with your post about Cassian and having a love interest in the series. And two, how cool would it be if the force some how have him “visions” of Jyn throughout the series, like when he sleeps he sometimes just gets these flashes of this women. I know it’s probably not gonna happen but I want Felecitg to be in the series in some manner 😅

Yes!!!!! A fellow like-minded individual, I am here for you!!!!!

Firstly, to your point, I would LOVE the exploration of Cassian and Jyn’s connection somehow, they’ve lived dramatically parallel lives and think it would be incredible to maybe see how many times they ALMOST found each other, almost collided, almost met but didn’t quite because it wasn’t yet as the force willed it to be. I somewhat doubt they go that route but damn if they do I will actually NEVER shut up about it.

I’ve definitely been thinking about what the series will look like and other characters to be included in it. I saw something somewhere saying they introduce Cassian’s sister which I’m actually interested in seeing! I think that would be really compelling and advance his character and flesh out his background far better than a previous love interest would. Having a sister he survives childhood/losing their parents/joining the rebellion with and then the series follows the loss/death of this sister which would only serve to further drive him towards isolation and being fully encompassed by his role as spy/assassin in the 5ish years between when the series will happen and when Rogue One happens!

That familial relationship would also satisfy a lot of the plot lines that, to me, really speak to classic Star Wars themes about struggling between choosing a cause greater than ones self and choosing your loved ones and the force and how it connects people and things without those plot lines having to be romantic love based (which, once again, gets back to traditional Star Wars themes). It would be hard for me to watch a lot of romance heavy plot because it reallly sits in opposition to the priorities I think Cassian would have being a rebel in such a huge war but I’d love if we could see some more of that classic family and the struggles of family in war dynamic Star Wars is so known for (I mean hello great plot/drama in the og trilogy!).

It’d be super cool too if they maybe showed how he comes to find K2 and/or some other droids he has close to him and their interactions because connections/friendships to droids seem much more up Cassian’s alley than those friendships with organic life forms (probably because of spy/trust issue things).

Now back to the point of your ask, YES, I really really am just hoping they don’t take the low hanging fruit of bland romance, I truthfully feel like the whole force-bond thing is Cassian and Jyn to a T, and that she absolutely is the first person he falls in love with and vice versa for her. To me, that fits his character, his arc, and who we know him to be.

Obviously, before anyone yells at me, the mans not a virgin or anything, he’s probably had one night stands (maybe under aliases only)/done some sketchy “sleeping with this person undercover because it solidifies my identity” relations but I really feel like that’s the extent of it! We see so many characters in Star Wars who, due to their lives and the war and dedication to fighting against the Empire, that they don’t end up fostering romantic relationships (Obi Wan, Luke, etc.) and that would make EXCEPTIONAL sense in Cassian (DAVITS DRAVEN PROBS PARTIALLY RAISES HIM I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE!!!!!). And, further, those “sleeping with someone undercover things” would contribute to him feeling like he isn’t a good man, what with always living as different people and a lot of them probably unsavory individuals so he can network with criminals/imperials alike!

All things considered, I’m still a little nervous about the series but if I don’t like it for whatever reason I’ll just go back to the version of canon I’ve had since Rogue One came out, after all, my ability to choose my canon is VERY developed considering I live in the world where Jyn and Cassian survived Scarif and led long lives loving each other as #spiesinLOVE fighting for the rebellion and we simply don’t know about it because Davits Draven would NEVER expose his operatives to that level of scrutiny ;)

P.S. I love Felicity too, oh how I would just DIE if she showed up lol

[amyltia]

Dark side, hope and redemption : Anakin and Ben

After watching the behind the scene of TROS, it was said that one way to differenciate Kylo from Ben was hopeful/hopeless. I didn’t realize that, but it does add a new light on the saga for me (maybe what I’m about to say has been obvious for a long time - like 42 years - but it never struck me clearly).

The dark side is emotion uncontroled, pain, selfishness. The light side is control, moderation, giving. Works pretty well with the 3 main couples of the saga (a meta I’m working on). I still think that’s true, but there is a another perspective possible : hope is light side and dark side is hopelessness. Let’s analyse what it means and focus on what it says of Anakin and Ben’s redemption arcs.

1. “Surrender to it” :  The dark side is the side of hopelessness

A. When all is lost, “surrender to it” : the dark side’s motto

Characters fall to the dark side when they have lost hope of being good.True villains don’t even have that wish, but Anakin and Ben “surrender to it” when they don’t believe they can be good again or that something good could happen for them. Let’s not forget that Vader and Kylo, while being those persona, are in constant pain and their life is misery, they surrender to the dark side because they have lost the hope that things could change, they are hopeless.

Darth Vader lost the life he had built, his love, his statut, his friends, etc all impossible to retrieve. But in recent comics we learn that he did try and had hope to bring Padmé back, but is that the same hope we’re talking about ? Then all sith have hope, Palpatine more than anyone, but we call that ambition and it is. What is the difference between hope and ambition ? In SW at least, I think hope is something good you can do (saving someone but for the saved one good, not the idea of Vader when he tries to bring Padme back - in ep 3, Anakin wanted Padmé to rule with him on the path of the dark side, nothing says it has changed). Hope is that you can be good or that something good that you wish for could happen. The real question is what is good then ? It’s a vast question indeed but let’s say good is “what doesn’t hurt anyone”.

Kylo Ren feels abandonned by his family, feels like it’s too late and he already is a monster. It even shows in The Rise of Kylo Ren comics, that he turns when all hope is gone aka [SPOILER when the temple is destroyed, when he believes Luke is dead, his three camarades too and especially Tai the only one telling him he could come back. Tai dead, Ben “surrenders” to the dark side and kills Voe, becoming the leader of the knights of Ren], from there there is no coming back (...until Rey!). He has became hopeless and had to surrender to the dark side and he “can’t come back to [Leia] now” as he says to Rey in TROS. He has lost his family and has no hope of finding them again, and that is what differenciates Kylo Ren from Rey : she has lost her family too but she maintains the hope of a family reunion. Tho being a delusion it is ambiguous but it still kept her alive.

When something bad happen, sinking in despair is what leads characters to the dark side.

N. B. There are then two types of characters : the jedi who turn to the dark side (Anakin, Ben) and those who become ermits and exile themselves (Yoda, Obi wan, Luke). It’s not the same reaction, it seems like experienced jedi who have failed as protectors and teachers of others don’t turn dark side but exile themselves. But young characters whose own life is ruined (at a very personnal level) turn to the dark side. Yoda, Obi wan and Luke decision to exile is not so spontaneous, and Obi wan and Yoda even had time to look for a solution : they have been desperate when Anakin turned to the dark side and after order 66, but they made up a plan (to separate the twins, protect them, etc).

For Anakin and Ben, they can’t look forward and give in to despair. But sometimes they try to move on from what happened, to rebuild their life with the hope that things could get better. This is what Ben begins to do in TLJ, leading to the hesitation of the legacy saber in the throne room.

B. The case of Ben in TLJ : finding “a new hope” and reaching the neutral area

In TLJ Ben is torn apart, his attraction for the light side rises and he finds hope again : he turns to the future, he wants to repair his life, his has this HOPE that he can, with Rey, move on and “let the past die”. I always wondered why when he says this it doesn’t sound like a dark side thing, and it’s disturbingly neutral (neither good nor bad) while being the “main villain”’s big project [it’s like Palpatine main goal being not full wicked and having us think “oh maybe, yeah it could be a good idea to destroy planets and rule the galaxy with fear under a sith’s command”]. The good/evil rate of the character main goal IS the character’s position on the good/evil spectrum, that’s why Palps is full dark side and Ben in TLJ gets closer to Rey’s position on this spectrum, closer than ever while he is Kylo Ren : that’s why the legacy saber hesitates between the two. He has at this moment a hope for his future.

In TLJ, Kylo and Rey both move on this spectrum and meet in a neutral/grey area (on the spectrum below, Palps works as a control sample)

Dark side : Palps (ruling), Kylo in TFA (surrending to the dark side)

Neutral (aka grey) : Kylo in TLJ (ruling with Rey for a new order, moving on : hope of a future), Rey in TLJ (she lost hope on her family but wants to be good)

Light side : Rey in TFA (being good and hope of finding her family)

But hope is found and hope is lost for Ben in TLJ : right after the throne room scene, because of Rey’s refusal he goes full dark side back (aka trying to kill Luke and the Resistance) because he has lost what made him reach the grey area in the first place : the hope that Rey could help him move on.

In their last force bond in TLJ, after Crait, he has one last moment of hope...only to be rejected again, destroying the last bit of hope and of light side in him.

My guess is that that is why we see him so determined in TROS, he sunk back into despair but like in TLJ he still wish to move on from it with Rey, only he wants Rey for selfish reasons (just like Vader tried to bring Padmé back to help himself).

2. The light side is hope

Luke was "the new hope" of the galaxy. At the end of TLJ, his projection and implication has brought once again hope in the galaxy (as the broom boy shows us)

Ben has hope again. (SPOIL COMICS in those we may assume while he was Ben Solo that tho he felt it difficult to belong to the Jedi Academy, he had hope he still could fit in, it’s the loss of that hope for the reasons shown it those comics that makes him turn). TURNS because he believes he’s gone too far, can’t fit in and won’t be accepted. Believes it’s too late. TURNS again because he understands it’s not too late and he can still save Rey and do good, hope in himself that he is not the monster he thinks he is.

Anakin : he wants to be good and has the hope he can (and he does great until the end of episode 3). He has hope to stop being a slave and win the race in TPM, to become a Jedi and win Padme’s love in AOTC, to save her in ROTS....until one point. TURNS because he lost hope to save his mother and then to save Padme. TURNS again because he has hope to save Luke and to be good again, once again hope in himself to not be the monster he thinks he is.

Rey has the hope her parents will return. When she lost this hope in TLJ she could have went full dark side but she succeeds in the trial and stays in the light. But in TROS when the trial, like in a fairy tale, presents itself for the second time, she almost fails : learning that she comes from darkness makes her slowly lose hope in herself, therefore falling to the dark side. She doesn’t completely but she does get close.

There goes the second spectrum :

Dark side : Palps (ruling), Kylo in TFA and TROS (surrending to the dark side), Darth Vader (lost hope in life and himself, believe power will compensate his despair)

Darkish : Rey in TROS (on the process of loosing hope in herself)

Neutral (aka grey) : Kylo in TLJ (ruling with Rey for a new order, moving on : hope of a future), Rey in TLJ (she lost hope on her family)

Light side : Rey in TFA (being good and finding her family), Luke, Anakin, Ben (hope they can do good)

N.B. This meta is not about Luke so I won’t complete his journey on the spectrum (in TLJ I mean)

N.B 2 A meta about power and dark saide/light side could be a good addition to this one.

3. Hope for redemption : Luke and his father in OT VS Rey and Ben (TLJ VS TROS)

In ROTJ, it was Luke who had hope he father could be redeemed, in TLJ it’s Rey who has hope for Ben. So far it’s the same

But in TROS it changes : Rey succombing slowly to the dark side has (according to the theory I just explained) lost hope on Ben. Still can debate on why she healed him right after stabbing him (hope ? love ? regret ? no wish to kill ?). And Kylo Ren who didnt have hope, after the stabbing and healing and scene with Han gets hope again. Her compassion makes him gain hope in himself and he understands that “as long as he’s with her he is on the right path” (quote from the Making of of TROS).

So while TLJ repeats the dynamic of hope and redemption of the OT, TROS breaks it (but I think it’s a good thing). Rey has lost hope in Kylo Ren and in herself, or at least is in the process of losing it.

1- As she is surrending to the dark side, she looses hope on what she believed (herself and Ben) : the correlation is there. So far the theory works.

2- So the hope of Ben’s redemption still comes from Rey (the compassionate act of healing him, but it is not her first motive like it was for Luke or in TLJ, it is only a side effect), Leia and the memory of Han, but from himself too. Vader saves his son and it redeems him, but Ben is redeemed before he does anything, his turn is mental, it is a decision : he decides to go save Rey, and from that decision, due to his resurgence of hope in himself, he turns good again. It’s a small difference but it’s important because it’s the difference between Ben and Anakin redemptions : Anakin acts spontaneously and this good act redeems him, Ben has to FIRST forgive himself to be redeemed, his redemption is much easier, it only takes him to forgive himself and have hope in himself again, just with that he is Ben Solo again.

Conclusion

Anakin and Ben have very similar arcs but the differences are important. First, in the third movie of each trilogy : while Luke actively saves Vader, Rey doesn’t and it’s up to Kylo himself to complete this function on himself. Secondly, it takes a spontaneous action to Vader to be redeemed, while Kylo just has to gain hope in himself. Ben litteraly was his own biggest enemy. It’s not saving Rey that makes him turn, he already had, while Vader understands afterwards that he has turned. Ben’s redemtpion is a mental and psychological process, a decision, a choise consciensously made, while Anakin understands afterwards that he had turned, after his spontaneous act. Two different redemptions for two different journeys. But both show the HUGE importance “hope” has and always has had in the Star Wars universe - it’s not for nothing that the very first movie is titled “A New Hope”. The PT, OT and ST have this core thematic continuity about hope being the way to the light side, and despair and hopelessness leading to the dark side.

There are three types of characters according to this hope distinction. Wether it is to fight this despair, to find hope again thanks to someone or from within, Ben and Anakin have the most complex relation to hope and display the spectrum of intention the most extreme. On the other hand, Luke is the representation of hope in the OT and he regains that status again at the end of TLJ. Third type is Rey, she seems to be like Luke but absolutely isn’t (which is great). She is much more greyish and is always fighting to maintain her hope (in her family, in herself, in Ben), because she is aware of her weakness and choses denial to maintain this hope. That’s why it’s very intersting in TROS to see her loosing this hope from time to time, but not enough to be surrending to the dark side. Because she understood the primary lesson of Star Wars : that the best way to remain in the light side or to get to it is to have and to find hope, I think that’s my favourite lesson from Star Wars.

Others main meta

(1) Force jump/flying (TROS meets The Rise of Kylo Ren or Kylo Ren finally meets his peer in Rey) :

(2) TROS’s Ben as a mirror to Anakin’s arc or what is a Skywalker ?

[knifesxedge]

you really are about to unlock smth bc a) i have SO many thoughts on the sequel trilogy and b) im DESPERATE for a distraction so um. i think about the prequel trilogy and i really truly start to lose it. bc force awakens was SO GOOD. like remember the first time you watched it and you (me, but maybe you as well) were like? HOLY SHIT. it was obviously a new hope v2 but it was FRESH and NEW and there were cool characters that i CARED about. (1/3)

HELL YEAH let’s get into it ok ok ok OPINIONS INCOMING.

TOTALLY with u on this. like the prequels make me mad about the wasted potential but tbh the sequel trilogy is just like. draining emotionally because they LOOK so fucking good. the force awakens WAS so so good, like very very star wars even if it was following the plot beats of anh. and then it just. tanked itself holy shit. like at least the prequels look bad, sound bad, it’s like a comical level of tragic. the sequel trilogy feels like having chalk dust spread all over my skin and then being put in an echo chamber of nails on a chalkboard 😔 at this point even tfa comes with a TINY lil bit of like 😞 just because i know what comes after but YES tfa is one of those star wars movies that just FEELS so fucking star wars it makes me unhinged. “THATS ONE HELL OF A PILOT” YEAH BITCH!!! IT IS!!!!! GAY PEOPLE!!!

the last jedi. a mess. i like certain rian johnson films but he should not be allowed to be anywhere near Star Wars. my main problem? (beyond the racism and romanticizing stalking and emotional and physical abuse?) it doesn’t FEEL like star wars. like. ok even in the darkest moments in mainstream star wars films they are SUPPOSED to feel hopeful. tlj feels like watching a train wreck in slow motion it’s just like shitty thing after shitty thing after shitty thing happening to the main cast. i think the casino planet’s design was a little lazy and WAY too underlit and rose’s character was pointless in the way she was shown in the movie. exhausting. the jokes were all on the wrong edge of disrespectful to the characters and the original star wars like luke tossing the lightsaber over his shoulder? appalling. not funny just there for shock value. everyone is out of character. everyone is stressed and miserable all the time. aside from things i didn’t really want to see but wouldn’t have argued with in a better movie (ie luke dying) it really was just a racist misogynistic mess. oh yeah did i mention how they did rey’s character dirty because she went from being a scrappy desert mechanic who’s a little dorky and just trying to find a family and a place in the galaxy to Bland White Girl Servicing a Man’s Character. that pales in comparison to how finn poe and rose’s characters were treated but HOLY shit. i walked out of the theater crying. tfa raised my expectations only to have tlj smash them down to the floor it was. hhhhh ok ok ok im trying to think if i liked anything from the movie. um. you were right it looked good! sound and score were great as usual. i did think poe’s conversation with hux at the beginning was funny. i really liked when leia used the force to come back to the ship (ik that was a controversial scene for some people but i did really like that scene. she deserves it). laura dern is cool i hated her character but in theory laura dern being leia’s lesbian boarding school friend is neat. but yeah im sorry i really REALLY didn’t like that movie we only saw it in theaters once it was so bad. :( i do agree with u abt the force mysticism being cool tho!

rise of skywalker. now maybe it’s because the bar was on the floor after tlj. but i actually liked it quite a bit. still kind of a mess. jj trying to retcon all of the stuff from the last movie because for some reason he wasn’t just allowed to do the whole trilogy. the pacing being a nightmare for the first half. the atrocious abuser-validating kiss at the end. but im gonna be real after having to sit through tlj i was happy enough just to see the main trio back together and finn and poe being treated with more respect to care much about that stuff. disney queerbaits me once again but that’s on me for clowning. i really genuinely liked the scene where rey passes the lightsaber to kylo i thought that was cool but it was overshadowed by the knowledge that the Kiss 🤮 was coming so i didn’t get to enjoy it like i wanted. ALSO hayden christiansen and all the other actors doing the voices in the scene where rey is fighting the emperor (who im pretty sure was only in there because RIAN put the trilogy’s intended big bad into a sparkly gold bathrobe and killed him off in the second movie but im not complaining about seeing ian mcdiarmid) were apparently on set in costume and force ghosts were supposed to protect her in like a big circle and what im saying is i feel robbed and cheated and feral

the only movie of the three i REALLY liked was tfa. now we’re back to How Would I Fix It. step one fire rian johnson. step two put JJ on the whole trilogy and HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE for having a plot planned out, or else get a different director TO DO ALL THREE MOVIES. none of this middle of the road “trying to appease both sides of the fandom” bullshit. kylo dies at the end and they DO NOT kiss and that is all the redemption he gets. if disney is claiming gay rep then they SHOW us ACTUAL gay representation. poe and finn kiss on screen and we don’t get a two second blurry background kiss between random characters. completely toss out whatever the fuck that plot was supposed to be in tlj and separate ros into two movies so JJ could actually DO the entire plot he had planned (instead of disney execs chopping down what was p much a four hour movie into two hours twenty two minutes which was SHORTER than the two hour forty minute cut jj reluctantly okayed but i DIGRESS).

god. what the fuck. anyways sorry for completely going off the rails but ty for sharing ur sequel trilogy opinions and ty for letting me rant sorry this got so long but ily!!! ❣️💕💝