#once again i am thinking about how i should replay this game

[playitagainmyjohnny]

[daisynik7]

Give You Blue

Chapter 4: Alone Together

Pairing: Eren x f!reader, Reiner x f!reader (past relationship)

Rating: Explicit (for mature content)

cw: switching POVs (reader is in 2nd person, Eren is in 3rd), angst, language, a bit of fluff

Word Count: ~5.7k

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Summary: You and Annie attend a dinner at the Mu Phi sorority house on campus. Reiner, on his way out of Delta Delta, ambushes you on the walk back to your dorm for a less than pleasant conversation. Later that week, RA Eren hosts a game-night for his fellow residents. But, with it being on a Friday right after midterms, he's disappointed when it flops. Fortunately, someone comes to his rescue. Author’s Notes: Hope you enjoy this one! Likes, comments, and/or reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated. Please let me know what you think, I thrive off of reading your comments! If you want to be tagged in any future chapters, please let me know! Divider created by @/mikeykuns.

“Eren, are you paying attention?” 

Armin waves his hands in front of his friend’s face, snapping Eren out of whatever reverie he’s stuck in. He shakes his head slightly, grinning. “Sorry, Armin. Sort of zoned out for a minute there.” They sit next to each other on Eren’s bed, watching a movie on his laptop. It’s Saturday night, and Eren actually agreed to be social today. 

Armin taps on the space bar, pausing the film. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Are you sure you’re getting enough sleep?”

The real answer is no, but with Armin, he’ll only worry if he knows the truth. “Plenty. All eight hours,” Eren lies. In reality, he’s getting four hours tops. He stays up late studying, then spends the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed, anxious about the future. 

Oblivious, Armin responds happily. “Good! Living by yourself is already paying off. Sometimes I wish I could have my own space. The frat house can get pretty noisy, especially with Connie as a roommate.” He chuckles, reaching towards the bag of chips between them.

“Connie’s a blast to be around, though. I’m sure you’re having fun.”

“Yeah, I am. You should really come by the house.”

“Maybe. When I have time.” In all honestly, he has no intention of stepping foot in that frat house. Not because he has a disdain for Greek life; but because it’ll only show him what he’s missing out on. He already feels that way whenever he catches up with Mikasa and Armin, both thoroughly enjoying their college experience still. 

Mikasa returns from the bathroom, hopping on the bed to squeeze next to Eren. “What did I miss?”

“We ended up pausing the movie anyways, so not much.” Armin passes the snacks to Mikasa, who throws a handful into her mouth. 

They continue the movie, Eren’s mind drifting into space again. He’s already thinking about the upcoming chemistry midterm next week, how he hasn’t fully memorized the amino acids and their structures yet. And how he has to schedule a date to meet with Hange Zoë, a senior doing research in the lab, to see if he can shadow her for a month. On top of that, he’s planning on hosting a small event at the dorms, something to help his residents let off some steam after exams. It’s all too much. He wants to sleep and pretend that none of these obligations exist. 

The credits roll on his computer screen. He blinks, fully unaware of what transpired during the movie. His friends hang around for a few more minutes before leaving to head to a party somewhere else on campus. Once again, he’s alone. 

He is not motivated to study tonight, already burnt out from the last couple of days. Instead, he practices his electric guitar, working on a particular riff of this song he likes, replaying it over and over through his headphones. He loses himself in the music for a while, the closest thing to an escape that he can reproduce inside his own bedroom. Fingers sore from picking and strumming, he decides to call it a night. Face washed and teeth brushed, he snuggles under the covers, glancing at his phone. 11:00 PM. Wild night, he thinks to himself, laughing. 

Suddenly, his brother’s name flashes across the screen. “Zeke?”

“Eren, hey. You’re not sleeping already, are you?”

“Nah. But I’m in bed.”

“On a Saturday night?”

“Yep.”

Zeke chuckles heartily. “Oh boy. I can already hear it in your voice. Welcome to the club, little brother. Your descent into med school hell is starting.”

“Yay, can’t wait,” Eren responds sarcastically. “Anyways, what’s up?”

“I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Clearly not well.”

“I’ve been better.” He keeps his answer vague on purpose. With Zeke, he doesn’t go into too much detail with the emotions he’s experiencing. As much as he respects his older brother, the two of them don’t always see eye-to-eye. While Eren usually acts out of emotion, sometimes to a fault, Zeke is detached, unable to empathize with what his younger brother is struggling with.  

“Is dad still giving you a hard time? I heard he wasn’t happy with your last quiz grade.” 

Eren ignores the urge to ask how he knows about that, already aware that they talk about him behind his back. “I told him it was weighted, so technically I passed.” 

“Well, you know how the old man is. Technicalities don’t really matter to him.”

He rolls his eyes, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom, almost regretting picking up this call. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying you should study harder.”

He’s fighting to keep his cool, his body tense with anger. Before he loses it, he mutters through gritted teeth, “Okay, thanks. I actually gotta go now, bye.”

“Eren, I’m just trying to help – ”

He doesn’t wait for Zeke to finish his sentence, already tapping on the red button to end the call. Now, with his mood ruined, he’s not sure if he can fall asleep. He wishes it was still daylight, specifically the golden hour when the sun sets. It would be the perfect time to head to his favorite spot: the beach that overlooks the shimmering expanse of blue ocean water separating Paradis and Marley. He discovered this area recently, on one of his drives that he takes to temporarily escape. It brings him peace, even if the moment is fleeting. 

Instead, he scrolls through his contacts, tapping on his mom’s name, holding the phone back up to his ear. When her familiar voice greets him on the other line, the tears start flowing and he spends the next half hour confiding in her. 

~~~

You and Reiner cuddle in bed, his nose nuzzled to the back of your neck, spooning you. Bertolt is home for the weekend, leaving the room to yourselves. 

“Coco, are you still awake?”

You hum, snuggling closer to him, on the verge of sleep. He swallows hard behind you, as if he’s nervous. “I think I want to live in the fraternity house next semester.”

This gets your attention. Surprised, you turn around to face him. “What?”

“It’ll help me bond with my brothers better.”

“But we were supposed to live together.” The two of your agreed quite early in the semester that you would live together in one of the on-campus apartments. This news comes to you as a shock, since he’s never mentioned wanting to live on Greek Row, until now. 

“I just want to try it out for a year, baby. When we’re juniors, we can find our own place off campus, so we can do whatever we want.” He pulls you closer, kissing your forehead. “Everything is going to work out, okay? You can wait a year, right?”

Of course you can wait; that’s what he asks you of, so you’ll do it. But you don’t want to. You had all these exciting ideas laid out in your head: cooking meals together, relaxing on the couch in each other’s arms, being alone without worrying about parents or roommates barging in on the two of you. Being together all the time. 

“Coco, say something.”

It’s easy to get upset. Make a fuss and yell at him for being selfish. Simultaneously, you feel guilty for thinking this way, like you’re the bad girlfriend for disagreeing with it. For wanting him all to yourself.

“Okay,” you finally respond. “I’ll ask Annie if she wants to live together again, I guess.” It’s a compromise for the sake of making him happy. Because more than anything, you want him to be happy. 

He smiles, kissing you on the lips. “You’re the best, you know that? I don’t know what I would do without you.”

You wake up, back in your own bed, Annie’s soft snores filling the quiet of the room. A quick glance at your phone shows you it’s only 4 AM in the morning. It’s been a few days since you dreamt about Reiner, a new record since the break-up. Still, whenever you do, it hurts as much as it did the first night. 

He never warned you about wanting to move into the fraternity house. It came out of nowhere, a total and complete blindside, much like when he broke up with you. He’s been this way for a while, making rash decisions and springing it on you without a mention of it beforehand. You always end up going along with it, forcing yourself to accept it without disagreement. You never could stand up for yourself, thinking it was less hassle to bend for him than to argue about it. When you’re with someone for so long, the easy road seems the obvious choice, compared to one that has bumps and cracks along the way. But just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s better; it doesn’t always lead you to the right destination. And maybe that’s why you are where you are now: lost. 

It’s been almost two weeks since you saw him on that rainy day. Two weeks since he sent you that text message, which remains unanswered. There’s been moments where you stared at the screen, fingers ghosting the keyboard, wanting to send him a reply. Somehow, you’ve resisted those temptations. In the end, it’ll only lead to more heartache. The memories haven’t kept you up at night as much as it did before. Thankfully, your sleep schedule is back to normal, except for nights like this. You’re doing better each day. Annie’s two words to you are on constant loop in your head: Baby steps. Any progress, no matter how little or big, is still progress. As long as you don’t go backwards into a downward spiral.

Later in the week, Annie extends an invitation to eat dinner at one of the sorority houses on campus, Mu Phi. Hitch, a close friend, is a sister who currently lives there. As you approach Greek Row with your roommate, you look at the Delta Delta house right next door, wondering if Reiner is there, working as their hasher tonight. Possibly flirting with Christa or other sisters that surely find him attractive. You let the insecurities fade as soon as you knock on the door to Mu Phi, soon greeted by Hitch and two other friendly sisters. They lead you into the dining room, chatting about various topics, subtlety sneaking in how great sorority life is, asking if you’ve ever been interested. After all, they are constantly in recruitment mode, which doesn’t bother you. It feels nice to be desired. 

During the meal, the conversations continue. Annie, being the secret gossip she is, mentions the neighbors. You briefly described to her your run-in with Reiner and Christa, so naturally, she’s been curious since. “What’s it like living next to them?”

Hitch replies, “It’s fine. Did you know that Mikasa’s a Delta Delta?”

“Really? She rushed? I guess they can’t be all bad,” Annie muses.

Hitch eyes her with an amused smirk on her face. “Why would you say that? Who’s in there that you don’t like?”

Before Annie can respond, you interrupt, not wanting to spread any unwarranted gossip. “She’s joking. By the way, who’s Mikasa?”

“She’s this girl that attends Annie’s kickboxing class.”

Annie adds, “She’s also our RA’s sister.”

“Eren?”

She nods, confirming. His appearance around the dorms has lessened, possibly because of the upcoming midterms. He is a pre-med major after all, so you’re certain he’s too busy studying to be out and about. You wished you could have seen his face when he received the bag full of Pocky you bought for him, as thanks for sharing his umbrella on that rainy day. “I didn’t know he has a sister.”

“She’s adopted, from what I heard,” Hitch comments. “But they’re super close. Her, Eren, and Armin.”

At that third name, you glance at Annie, a slight blush creeping on her cheeks. She had a class with Armin last semester, and they were paired up for a big project. From then on, your roommate has been smitten with him, but she’ll never admit it out loud. You also recognize the name as one of Reiner’s pledge brothers from the same fraternity, though you’ve never met him personally. Knowing he’s close to Eren already gives you the impression that he’s a nice guy. 

The dinner ends with a tour of the house, not including the exclusive sleeping porch on the top floor, where all the sisters are forced to slumber beside each other. Right outside the entrance, you, Hitch, and Annie talk for a little while longer until your roommate announces, “My shift at the library is starting, so I have to leave now. Thanks for dinner Hitch!”

The three of you say your goodbyes, Hitch waving farewell from the door, you and Annie parting ways in opposite directions. It’s a clear sky tonight, the moon glowing brightly in the vast darkness, littered with barely visible stars. You take your time walking, enjoying the pleasantly cool air, admiring the other houses along Greek Row. From behind, a familiar voice calls out to you. “Coco.”

Before you face him, you curse under your breath, aware of exactly who it is. You find Reiner several feet away from you, presumably from the Delta Delta house. His fraternity is in the opposite direction, so he must have spotted you from afar, maybe heard you talking outside. You stand in place, waiting for him to catch up to you, ambushed. 

“Hey,” he says, with a sheepish grin.

You nod stiffly, unsure what to do next. It’s too late to make a run for it. Impossible to turn back the clock and sprint your way across campus. You should have known better, especially when you already assumed he’d be working there tonight. It doesn’t matter now; you’re trapped. 

“Are you heading back to your dorm?” he asks, hands in his pockets. 

You nod once more, voice stuck in your throat, unable to speak. 

“I’ll walk with you.” It’s not a question or a suggestion. It’s final. He’s determined to do it. 

Reluctant, you let him, pivoting on your heel towards the direction of your dorm, remaining silent. He stays beside you, hands in his pocket, glancing at you hesitantly. “What were you doing at Mu Phi?”

So he did notice you first. Eyes focused on the ground, you answer, “Hitch invited us for dinner.”

“Christa also invited you, remember? To the Delta Delta house.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” You don’t mean to sound venomous; well, maybe you do. Why bother bringing that up?

“I’m just reminding you. She’s really nice, you know.”

You snap, annoyed and frustrated. “Yes, Reiner, I’m sure she is very��nice. That’s why I think she’d understand why I refuse to go to that house for dinner.”

“Because of me?” 

“Of course it’s because of you!”

He sighs, scratching his arm excessively. Something he does when he’s anxious. “I don’t understand why you’ve been ignoring me. I thought we agreed to be friends. You won’t even respond to my texts. How am I supposed to know that you’re okay?”

“Okay? You want to know if I’m okay? Reiner, I haven’t been okay since the day you broke up with me.” 

“That’s why I’m trying to talk to you.”

You scoff, blood boiling. “You’re the last person I want to talk to. You’re the reason I’m not okay. You broke my heart.” It’s a cheap shot to blame him, but that’s what you do. Fire everything in your arsenal to defend yourself, to hurt him.

His expression turns sullen at your harsh words. “I couldn’t be your boyfriend anymore. It’s fucked up, I know. But I did what I thought was right. I didn’t want to string you along.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way? Why didn’t you talk to me about it? We tell each other everything. Why keep this away from me?” 

He chews on his lip, nervous. “I was scared, okay? Really scared to lose you. I thought if I started talking about it, you’d break up with me and hate me forever. I wasn’t ready for that.”  

You process this, not sure how you truly feel about it. On the one hand, you understand the fear of losing the most important person in your life. That’s what you two are to each other. Well, were. On the other hand, it isn’t fair that he makes decisions when he’s ready. What about you?

You arrive outside your dorm building, standing feet away from each other, your arms crossed over your chest, protecting your heart. When you don’t respond, he continues. “I care about you, Coco. You’re my best friend. You’re the most important person in my life.”

 “You say that now, but eventually, somebody else will come along. Then what?”

Quietly, he replies, “I don’t know.”

You have to stand up for yourself. Hit him with the bitter truth even if it makes him uncomfortable. You’ve gone far too long agreeing to what he wants, following his plan, sacrificing your sanity to protect him. You don’t owe him anything. He decided to dump you when he was ready. That gives you free reign to do the same. “I don’t want to be a placeholder for whenever the next person comes along. Do you understand how painful that is? To know I’m temporary? I can’t be the most important person in your life. Not like this. That’s why we can’t be friends.” 

He stares at you, dumbfounded that you won’t concede to him. Disappointed that he can’t get what he wants this time, after so many years of doing so. This is what it’s like to have control, to stick up for yourself. Maybe there is some good to come out of this breakup. 

After a while, Reiner speaks, voice trembling, eyes glistening. “You can’t do this to me, Coco. I still…I still love – ”

“Don’t say it. Do not fucking say it.” You cover your ears, as if that will prevent your brain from finishing the rest of that sentence in your head. 

“I mean it, though. No matter what happens between us. I want you in my life.”

“Why is everything about what you want? Have you ever considered what I want?” You begin to pace back and forth on the pavement, arms jittery, increasingly erratic. 

A little louder now, a tinge of arrogance in his tone, he says, “We’ve known each other our whole lives. Pretty sure I have a good idea about what you want.”

“Well, you don’t. It’s different now. You don’t know me just as much as I don’t know you.”

“How can you say this right now? You’re just going to throw us away?!”

“You did it first!” you yell at him, tears streaming down your cheeks.

He steps towards you, hands in a desperate prayer, begging. “I don’t want to lose you. Please, Coco. I need you. I need you.” It’s the magic words that he so expertly chants to you. The ones that tug at your heartstrings, make you weak in the knees. And for a second, you consider taking everything back. Reach out and hold him, forget about the pain you’ve suffered these past two months and agree to be friends. Because you’d do anything to see him happy again. For this to be a long nightmare and to wake up together, perfectly back to normal.

But you don’t. And only because the entrance to your building suddenly swings open, revealing Eren at the door, inspecting the scene with a concerned expression on his face. “Is everything okay out here?”

Reiner glares at him for the interruption. “Who are you?”

Eren steps towards you, glancing at you and Reiner. “I’m Eren, the RA for this building. Heard some yelling and thought I should check it out.” 

“Reiner is leaving now,” you murmur, avoiding Eren’s gaze, embarrassed. “I’m sorry for the commotion.” You turn to head inside, not bothering to wave goodbye to your ex, who stands there, watching you. Eren follows, sneaking glances at Reiner before swiping his ID at the door to let you both in.

“Coco,” he calls out. “Please.”

You ignore him, wiping your tears with the back of your shaky hands, listening to the door shut behind you. 

“Are you okay?” Eren asks, voice calm.

You face him, forcing a weak smile, eyes still wet. “Perfectly fine.” You turn to hurry into your room, overwhelmed and wanting to hide in the safety of your bed forever. 

Before you can, he grabs you gently by the hand, thumb brushing your knuckles. “If you ever need to talk or anything, my door is always open for you.”

You mutter a timid, “Thank you,” then rush down the hall and into your room, heart pounding against your chest. His comforting words replay in your head, trying to replace all that was said between you and Reiner.  

~~~

At the end of the week, Eren hosts a game night in the common room of the dorm building. He’s excited to bond with his residents with pizza from his favorite local Italian joint and some good old-fashioned Mario Kart. He lays the food out on the table and sets up his Nintendo console to the TV, the familiar opening sequence playing on the screen. Then, he patiently waits for his first guest. Fifteen minutes pass and still no one shows up. Where is everybody? 

At the thirty-minute mark, he lays down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The pizzas are surely lukewarm now, and the same tune playing on the TV is starting to grate on his ears. He texts Mikasa and Armin, complaining about the complete lack of attendees. Immediately, he gets a call from his sister. When he picks up, she states, “Eren, nobody is there because it’s the Friday night after midterms.”

“So?”

“People are getting ready to party. That’s what I’m doing, that’s what Armin is doing. That’s what everyone is doing.” 

Someone in the background yells, “Tell him to come out with us!” It’s Sasha’s voice. 

He groans, realizing his mistake. “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not. Just come out with us. You deserve a break.”

He considers it for a few seconds, before he replies, “Thanks, but I’m gonna head to bed.”

Sasha boos him. “C’mon, Eren! Join us! It’ll be fun!”

“I’m tired, Sash. Next time.”

Believing she can’t be heard, she whispers to Mikasa, “He always says that.” Well, she’s not wrong. 

Eren bids farewell to his friends, wishing them fun tonight. He lays on the couch for a while longer, trying to not to be too devastated at this failure of an event. Finally standing up, he heads to the table to begin packing.

“Am I too late?”

He turns around, surprised by her voice. The resident from down the hall, Room 104. The girl he’s seen cry at least three times now, the most recent being earlier in the week, outside the dorms. A small confrontation with the guy who Eren assumes is her ex, the cause behind all the tears. He was hoping to run into her soon, to check if she’s doing alright. He’s delighted to find her standing in the doorway, a small smile on her face. 

“Hey,” he greets, waving at her. She steps towards him, inspecting the plethora of food on the table. He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “You’re the first person to show up, so we have plenty of food.”

She gives him a sympathetic look, opening the pizza box to grab a slice. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

He grins. “Hey, you’re here, aren’t you? That’s all that matters to me.”

As she settles in on the couch with her food, she explains, “I would have come earlier, but I was helping Annie get ready for a party.”

Eren takes the seat beside her, dropping a piece of pepperoni into his mouth. “I guess everyone really is going out tonight,” he muses, recalling what Mikasa told him earlier. 

“Well, not everyone,” she reminds him, smiling. His chest swells with warmth seeing this side of her. Eyes free of tears, cheeks rounded with happiness, relaxed in his presence. He secretly resents Reiner, or whatever that guy’s name is, for putting her through all the misery she’s had to suffer. 

They eat their pizza, chatting about arbitrary topics like favorite toppings, best local restaurants around the town, even a silly bet about who will beat who in a race. The upbeat melody of the Mario Kart intro still playing in the background is no longer annoying now that Eren has company. 

One box only halfway finished, they wipe their hands clean of pizza grease to start the game, picking their favorite characters. Eren always opts for Yoshi, because of course he’s got to get the green dinosaur. She selects Toad, going on about how adorable she finds him, doing a decent impersonation of his high-pitched, bouncy voice, causing Eren to bust out laughing. They race, moving their bodies along with their controllers, bumping elbows and shoulders with bright smiles on their faces. She nudges him in the ribs when he tosses a red shell at her, knocking her off the course to take first place. He taps her knee with his when he slips on a banana peel she strategically lays out for him. It’s competitive, but not serious, both of them gloating and teasing one another at their victories. After going through most of the courses, they play battle mode, teaming up together to destroy CPUs on the most difficult levels. 

After exhausting most of the game to their heart’s contents, Eren checks his phone, shocked that it’s already past 11 o’clock. He glances at her, checking if she’s ready to leave once they shut down the game. She remains beside him, her attention focused on the piano in the corner of the room. Pointing at it, she asks, “We have a piano in here?”, clearly never noticing it before.

He chuckles. “Yeah we do. Do you play?”

She shakes her head, standing up to approach it, sitting on one side of the bench. He follows her, taking his place next to her. It’s only now that he realizes how close they’ve been all night. His heart starts to beat faster for some reason. 

Finger at a key, she presses on it, filling the room with a very out-of-tune C-note. “Do you play?” she asks.

“Not much, just the basics really. I’m better at guitar.”

“Acoustic?”

“Electric,” he answers, resting his hand on the piano, hovering his fingers over a chord.

“Electric guitar is so cool. I’d love to hear you play sometime.” It’s an innocent suggestion. But for whatever reason, Eren is shy about the idea of her being inside his room, watching him play his guitar. And for a split second, he imagines what other activities they can do with each other, in the privacy of his bedroom. He catches himself, mentally waving away the potentially inappropriate thoughts. 

Desperate to change the subject, he suggests, “Want me to teach you something?”

She nods, eager to learn. He starts his thumb on a C-note. “This is a C-major scale. It starts here,” he presses down, wincing at how out of tune it is. “And then you follow through with the rest of your fingers. That’s a very basic scale, without complicating it too much.”

She does it easily, smiling at the keys in front of her. “Now can you teach me Moonlight Sonata?” she jokes. 

He laughs. “How about Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star instead?”

“Fine,” she says, fake pouting. She’s really cute.

By midnight, she’s perfected the lullaby, enough for the two of them to sing along to it. Even with the notes out of tune, it’s still pleasant to listen to. He then shows her how to play the easiest version of Heart & Soul, a fun duet they manage to practice together within the hour. She’s a quick learner, which he appreciates. After their performance, she looks at him, smiling. “You’re a really good teacher.” 

He brushes his fingers along the keys. “That was my dream job growing up. I always wanted to be a teacher.”

“A music teacher?”

“No, an elementary school science teacher,” he admits. “Thought it’d be so cool to blow their minds with little experiments or facts about the living things.” He stares distantly, a longing grin on his face, fantasizing an imaginary world where he’s pursuing a career he enjoys. 

“So, what made you want to become a doctor instead?” 

At this point, he’s speaking candidly, no longer worried about hiding the truth. He’s comfortable with her. “My dad. He’s a doctor, and it’s pretty much expected of me.”

“Are you enjoying it so far?”

“No, but at the end of the day, I’ll be helping people. And that’s what matters right?” 

There’s a small pause in the conversation as she pushes on one of the keys, the note ringing out in the temporary quiet. “Teachers help people too. More than what society gives them credit for. And besides, no one wants to go to a doctor who isn’t happy being a doctor, right?”

He faces her, processing her statement. “I guess I never thought about that.”

She continues, drumming her fingers lightly on the piano. “You shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to. If there’s anything I’ve learned these past few months, it’s that forcing yourself to be happy doesn’t actually make you happy. It’s silly to say that out loud, like it’s so obvious. But I’ve made a lot of excuses, pretending I was fine with decisions made on my behalf without my feelings being considered. It was always easier to go along with it, avoid confrontation or an argument. But at what cost? Sacrificing my own happiness? It isn’t worth it, especially when it’s your life that you’re living, nobody else’s.”

This is about her ex. There’s a strong urge to ask her about it, offer a lending ear to listen to what else is on her mind. But he doesn’t question it further. The words she speaks to him resonate. Although they’re both going through different struggles in their lives, she understands him better than he expects her to. Maybe more than anyone in his circle of friends right now. 

“I have a friend who’s an education major. Erwin Smith. His dad is also a teacher. I can give you his contact info if you want to talk to him?” she offers.

“I don’t know,” he responds hesitantly. He’s never considered changing his major. He can already picture the faces his father makes, disdainful and disappointment at his son “downgrading” his career. 

“It doesn’t hurt to have it, right? Just in case?” 

He thinks about it carefully before he eventually relents, whipping his phone out to type out the information she recites to him. She’s right; it doesn’t hurt to have it. It doesn’t mean anything. 

Phone still in his hand, he abruptly blurts out, “We should exchange numbers.” Almost instantly, he regrets it, aware at how inappropriate that would be. But when she grins at him, nodding, he’s immediately relieved. 

“I’m assuming this will be your personal number and not your RA emergency line?” she smirks.

Laughing, he confirms, “Yes, my personal number. I, um, enjoyed hanging out with you tonight. We should definitely do this again.” He passes her his phone as she does the same. 

“You’re teaching me Moonlight Sonata next, remember?” she jokes, tapping her number into his screen.

“Yeah, of course.”

She slips her phone back into her pocket. “Also, if you ever need someone to talk to or listen to you, I’m just down the hall.”

“Hey, that’s supposed to be my line,” he teases, nudging her elbow with his. 

“Well, you’ve helped me out way more than you know, so I want to do the same for you. Rely on me, okay? We’re friends now.”

Outside the room, students begin to stumble through the hall, back from their night of partying. Eren checks his phone, surprised to read 1:35 AM on the screen. “It’s already past 1. I’m sorry for keeping you up.”

“Don’t be. I wanted to be here with you. Thank you for hosting this.”

“Thank you for being the only person to show up.” 

They gaze at each other, smiling. He wants to stay like this a little while longer, but he knows it has to end. At least, for tonight. They’re friends now, and he’ll be able to enjoy that warm, vibrant smile more often, he hopes. 

“Anyways, we should probably sleep soon,” she suggests, glancing at the pizza boxes on the table. “I’ll help you clean up.”

“Thanks. Maybe we can hand some of these out. I bet someone out there has the munchies right now.”

She giggles. “Great idea, Mr. RA.”

They tidy up, clearing the room of trash and putting away the video game console back in Eren’s knapsack. She carries it with her while Eren balances the pizzas in his hands, offering a box to the passing residents that are not-so-discreetly drunk. By the time they make it to his room, he’s only got one left, deeming the event an overall success. Especially now that he’s made a friend from it. 

She sets the bag down on the floor, watching him unlock the door. “I guess this is goodnight,” she says, giving him a small wave as she begins to step backwards down the hall, facing him.

“Yeah. I guess it is. Sweet dreams, okay?”

“Sweet dreams, Eren,” she repeats, turning on her heel to walk to her room. 

~~~

You lay in bed, listening to Annie’s drunken snores beside you, mind focused on your new friend Eren. Snuggling closer to your pillow, you smile to yourself, happy for the first time in what feels like forever. It’s the most fun you’ve had this semester, and most importantly, it’s the longest you’ve gone without sulking about Reiner. 

It’s in this moment that you realize the baby steps you’ve taken so far don’t seem so small anymore. Things are finally starting to look up. 

Taglist:

@batafuraikisu @bloompompom @monirei @filunara @katestrophes @ichinosejager13 @hoperenae @zellskz @e-ayyy @liliorsstuff-blog @maliakealoha @holdmeclosebutdontloveme @chrollohearttags @sailorputa @squickkk @dnyllmh @hellomeow12 @s-cream-ing @potofstewie @conniesbbymama @erzascarlett28 @lem-hhn @roronoazorosbxtchh @ichigostrawberry15 @rhaelrence @lilshades @bigmoodyjoody @icansmellsouls @aangsupremacy @ashsauroras @bakuhoes-bxtch @mrs-wolfwood @si-kamo @jmtherula @imaddicted-b @monkemanjeager @neesiewrote @large-juice @chiinni @belovedackerman

[guiltycorp]

Okay finished the Haruspex route of Pathologic Classic! I need to play Clara's route to see the whole picture but I'm already fascinated by the differences between P1 and P2 in terms of characterization. I think I like Pathologic 2 even more now considering how they improved on Artemy's route, I am sorry to say I didn't like it at all in classic... This is all just my personal impression after first playthrough ofc. Ramblings about both Artemy and Daniil ↓ I think what bothered me about Haruspex was mostly just his attitude and his messiah plot. Once the first day is out of the way it's all smooth sailing for him, a bit too much so?? The only personal conflict he has is figuring out his father's exact wishes for him and choosing a sacrifice. Killing anyone is treated as fair or something that needed to happen and the Haruspex is always shrugging it off... And either option, Aglaya & the Town or Polyhedron... It just doesn't seem like he is that attached to either? So it doesn't feel like he is sacrificing much personally? Like sure he wants to save the Town because of his messianic qualities, but that's again more about fulfilling his 'role' rather than genuinely wanting to save lives, or at least it read that way to me. I'm sure it's meant to be both and P2 makes this far more apparent, but in P1 it elicited a rather squinty reaction from me. Plus well yeah, getting rid of Polyhedron is pretty much just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, like yep he sure didn't care about that thing lmao so getting rid of it isn't such a difficult choice at all. The suggestion that the Polyhedron could be his Udurgh is kind of useless because the Town and Earth are far better candidates and fit with Kin beliefs better, which in this game Artemy pretty much doesn't doubt at all.  Maybe this is why the Bachelor is so present in his route? Daniil did say he'd commit suicide if he lost, maybe we'd want to think twice about pushing him towards it... But again! Does it seem like this guy cares ahhh haha... The dialogue option that is actually engaging with what Daniil said is pretty much there to make it clear to the player what the Utopian ending is and what it would be like.

Ngl at first I thought he was meant to be the 'sacrifice' until they said it's a woman. Every time Artemy learned something about the Bachelor's motivations he'd write down in his diary like '...if it matters' since the player can always choose what ending to go with I guess. I also find it curious that he can say that they are friends but still always writing only 'the Bachelor' in his diaries while Daniil switched to 'Artemy' and 'Burakh' during the final stretch. The one-sided yaoi................ 🤔 At least Artemy doesn't get mad at him for ordering to set the mythic bull on fire, I guess their friendship did mean something to him after all at that point. Also when Capella tells him that he should ask the Bachelor for help with getting into the Polyhedron since the Bachelor 'fawns upon you a lot anyway' the Haruspex just goes 'oh yeah! ok' fjdghdjg... Now that I think about it I DID like the Haruspex route for what it did with the Bachelor hahah, his dialogues and letters are just so good sometimes. Like wow, I felt this.

Very cool, if i was Artemy I'd totally abandon my weird murderous calling for this. Tangentially related... P2 had one moment that I remember from my last replay when Rubin, if kept alive, falls into a deep deserved sleep in his home, and Artemy just starts emotionally monologuing at him.

Like, P1 Artemy would never, but also it goes to show that he's still very much a repressed man here too, buying into toxic masculinity ideals who can't just talk to his friends about his feelings directly... The same character, but more complex. I want to make it clear that I DO like him and his motivations in P2 actually, and his personal conflict being more about the future of the Kin makes that game much more powerful to me than what his classic route was. I heard that initially he was planned to be far more violent and dark, so maybe he could have been sort of a villain protagonist and this was changed later and this is why it feels a bit bland? Hmm... Idk this is fun to me because meanwhile the Bachelor didn't feel that different to me in both games lmao. A highly stressed educated guy who is just trying to prevent the spread of epidemic the 'right' way and then clinging to the only chance he has left to preserve both his ideals and his life. He is a bit less polite in P2 at first (while still very much helping by warding off Rubin) but then rather quickly becomes more cordial to Artemy and vice versa (and wow it sure is nice when Artemy can actually be polite and friendly..). And the moment when he explains some of his personal deal to Artemy feels rather similar in both iterations mood-wise.

I liked his route in P1 a lot, surprisingly so, and I now understand why so many people liked him before P2 came out and afterwards too... There's just something very real about how he is the intelligent Capital doctor but with an extraordinary dream to combat death itself, possibly given to him by the Powers That Be due to these children trying to cope with people dying around them. And instead of favoring him for it they hate him! They leave him with nothing but this final chance to fix things, even if that means destroying everything and rebuilding anew. Daniil's desperation feels very real and thus more compelling, plus like... I mean it's pretty much confirmed that it's not just the Polyhedron and that the soil itself is 'rotten' (literally in the meta real world and through blood beneath the earth in the Town itself) and the decease could return again, sooo his ending doesn't look that bad comparatively. I also appreciated how Maria (or uhh was it Nina talking through her here as well?) explained how their Utopia doesn't actually mean a 'perfect' place, more so just an impossible dream.

The Bachelor doesn't mind this at all, a detail I loved.

...Hmm that said maybe P1 makes it a little too easy for him to kinda ignore the Kin issue, he is only mad about their circumstances when it comes to Vlad choosing to doom thousands of the Kin workers inside the Termitary (which is just his doctor ethics). I mean it is realistic for him to ignore the implications of representing the imperialist side, he does mention his father was a military man too at some point I think... Still, he is very quick to accept the Kin's unique beliefs as something that has obvious merit, trusting the Haruspex with that side of things in both of their routes, and he doesn't make much of a distinction between them and regular Town people when it comes to patient treatment. If anything it's probably a sign of how the writers weren't thinking that hard about this worldbuilding aspect at the time... even if I appreciated them showing the downsides of the Kin's society, I think those were done better than in P2 purely because it was a bit more realistic (I am talking about sexism mostly, such as selling their own daughters and not respecting their autonomy, plus the mention of Kin politics and different ruling clans rather than the hive mind situation implied in P2). Like, it is more obvious in P1 that wholeheartedly embracing the Kin's return to tradition isn't such a good solution for them either, but one that will likely happen anyway with Artemy and Taya as their new leaders. And it could get trickier in Pathologic 3 I think, especially since most of us really appreciated the portrayal of colonization in P2 and would expect it getting addressed again in future games of other character routes, but we'll see I guess! Either way I look forward to that game a lot now.

[aluria-sevhex]

HELL FUCKING YESSSSSSSS

hey if you wanna read all of my posts as i play through ISAT, they are all tagged as #Aluria plays ISAT for the first time (please don't spoil)

notes:

-aight i'm back yippee

-title theme my beloved

-i always find it so funny when an enemy tries to freeze Mira

-gonna try this boss again

-ok i think i'll just replay Floor 3 on this loop instead of looping forward after i find out another one of Bonnie's favorite foods so i can build up everybody's stats

-OH. BONNIE OVERHEARD THE DEATH CONVERSATION.

-heh Bonnie slapped Siffrin

-uh... the audio is REALLY ominous...

-oh, Bonnie...

-WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DID I JUST LOOP SLIGHTLY BACK IN THE PAST?

-Siffrin you ok i don't think that was helping ur mental health issues your eye is covered in shadow in your dialogue portrait

-i will once again NOT kill Siffrin via anaphylaxis. i will take the fish head

-...i didn't. get info on Bonnie's favorite foods this time.

-ok according to the save screen that didn't count as a loop

-anyway time to try looping to get the Bonnie snack info

-hey... the Tear dialogue isn't as silly anymore (it just says yes or no without the 'looping time' or 'living time')

-hey i didn't skip any loops this time!

-time to kill this pair of assholes again

-"carry my ashes with you" aw that's a sweet dialogue option

-i am so tempted to kill Siffrin. but i won't.

-awwww... i talked to Bonnie and now Sif is comforting them

-ok how the fuck do i get the info. BONNIE PLS.

-hold up. does Siffrin no longer nod when zoning out? :((((

-WAIT FUCK DID I FORGET TO GET THE KEY ON FLOOR 2.

-...Mira's roommate. was learning to make bombs. why???

-lol Isa knows how to make a bomb

-Mira has anti-anxiety meds. this makes a lot of sense tbh

-...what are these papers for???

-so i decided to try using the silver coin since a person said that you can do something with it related to the croissant lore. and it said "you think about the Incident" or smth like that lol

-lol Sif forgot the term 'stuffed animal'

-idk why but it feels like a lot of Craft skills are like. slower. or have bigger cooldowns in Act 3. even tho i KNOW they don't and my brain is fucking with me

-ok the game accounted for the key thing

-in the bathroom again

-Sif is calming themself again and figuring out what to do

-Siffrin, self-loathing and calling yourself stupid won't help :(

-i zoned out at some minor dialogue but i don't remember what the dialogue was the first time so i am fucking clueless about what was going on with a choice i made. sorry Mira idk why i 'saved you' by smacking your mouth ;_;

-i love getting to obliterate weaker Rock enemies with Paper α V

-i have now gotten Sif to level 60

-sometimes it's nice to take a break and talk to Loop

-wait a sec. doesn't one of the lower floors have a sharpening stone?

-ok it's been a while and now i have everybody back to level 52. time to kick the asses of the 3rd floor boss

-ooo Odile got a new skill

-time for the last snack break!

-Bonnie's upset now because i didn't try the fritters D:

-time to face the King again... and hopefully talk to him

-welp. *that* didn't work

-oh nvm now i can ask him questions via the Craft menu!

-you. you can give the King the flower.

-yeah the characters have a point! why Vaugarde specifically?

-the King is NOT responsible but he says Siffrin has an odd smell. huh... the only other things where an odd smell has been noted is Bonnie saying the star crest Sadnesses smell odd... but if Sif had that smell then it would've been noticed sooner...

-dude. how rude to say that if Siffrin doesn't understand Time Craft they can't understand the King's methods. maybe i should read more on Time Craft in one of the libraries? or that one book on craftonomy...

-the "you have heard this before" for zoning out got more and more annoyed

-once again. what does the King need to say?

-hm i was talking to Odile and Bonnie piped in really excitedly that they have more pineapple in their pocket

-GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MIRABELLE I LOVE YOU BUT YOU STOPPED ISA'S CONFESSION ToT

-time to talk to Euphrasie and loop again ig

-hey what's that in her hair?

-"you inhale sharply, almost choking on the smell of burnt sugar around you" BURNT SUGAR BURNT SUGAR THAT'S THE SMELL OF TIME SHENANIGANS AS SEEN WITH THOSE SADNESSES

-SAY SOMETHING ELSE EUPHRASIE

-how do i get the familytale?

-ok i talked to Odile and i'm gonna help her!

-am i gonna have to go all over town for this?

lmao yeah i think i will

-oh hey the wizard-loving kid is named Manon

-oh my god. i have to go back to the boulanger

-FINALLY

-:O THERE IS NO RESEARCH???

-oh THAT'S why Odile is in Vaugarde

-oh... her mom left... all of her travels here have been to try to reconnect with that part of her...

-HEY SIFFRIN I AM ONCE AGAIN ASKING WHERE THE *FUCK* ARE YOU FROM?

-damn. bro has amnesia

-LMAO I ASKED MIRA ABOUT THE PAPERS AND THE BATTLE THEME STARTED

-...bonding proposals???

-oh my god Mira joined a dating website group

-"we have one of those at home"

-"oh, i don't have a type! i like all kinds of people equally!" is this in a bi way or an aro way

-YEAH AROMANTIC REPRESENTATION

-DIVERSITY WIN! THE KICKASS HANDMAIDEN WHO'S IMMUNE TO BEING FROZEN IN TIME AND THE SORT-OF CHOSEN ONE IS ARO!!! I FUCKING CALLED IT YEAHHHHHHHH :D

-oh, Mira :( you're not the problem you don't have to do anything like that you're not comfortable with

-hm this game is dealing with personal identity a lot

-:( :( :( oh, Mira...

-DIVERSITY WIN!!! THE SKETCHY WANDERER STUCK IN A TIME LOOP WITH MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS IS ACE!!!

-MY BLORBOS ARE ACE AND AROACE FUCK YEAH I AM SO HAPPY

-FUCK IT I'M POSTING NOW

SERIOUSLY THO I DON'T THINK I CAN ACCURATELY CONVEY HOW FUCKING HAPPY THIS PART IS MAKING ME. TWO OF MY FAVORITES ARE ACE AND AROACE HELL FUCKING YES

[strobichie]

just sae.

♡⸝⸝ summary: poor you decided to replay ddlc, but something seems wrong... why is monika sae?

little note: bachira is sayori, rin is natsuki, and isagi is yuri!!

your perspective:

i had recently gotten a new computer, there are so many things i still need to work with and customise to my liking.

so, to cure my boredom, i'm installing ddlc again and replaying it!

my favourite character is natsuki, i absolutely loved how adorable and relatable she just is. she reminded me of one of the kids i babysat.

after installing the win files i extracted them all and started the game up, as usual, i see the 4 dokis on the main screen on startup.

i entered my name of choice and started the game ---

wait, bachira??? FROM BLUE LOCK??

why was he sayori? not gonna lie, his sprites are really cute, but how..??

i re-checked the website i downloaded the game from but it displayed the 4 dokis there and there was nothing wrong..

huh, why am i being scared?

i should be grateful, honestly.

i've been blessed by the gods above!! for once i'm fucking lucky!

no way was i gonna pass up the opportunity to interact with my favourite anime characters especially since they somehow ended up in my favourite childhood game..!

i wonder who natsuki, yuri, and monika would be, though?

this is interesting! as i progress even more reading the dialogues and clicking on the chat box, after a few minutes of suffering i finally got to the literature club with bachira!

"seriously, a girl? way to be a killjoy." rin... RIN?!?!?!?!?!

OH MY GOD RIN IS SO HOT? HIS ATTRACTIVENESS SCALE WENT TO 100 TO 1000 SO QUICK!!

wait.. could that mean ---

ISAGI IS YURI!! YES!! MY FAVOURITES ALL IN ONE ROOM!!

i hope monika is kaiser or even better, anri..!!

gosh this got me feelin' so giddy and chipper in the early fucking morning..

i skipped a few of the dialogues, and abruptly stopped when a certain person came into view.

...sae? really?

what an eyesore. i hate sae, of all people, why sae?

sure he was similar to monika, but only in appearance. kaiser or anri could have been able to fulfill this role.

i sighed in annoyance, at least i have rin and the others...

i continuously skipped many dialogues and had finally gotten to the part where sayori, or in this situation bachira, hangs himself..

right, this was a horror game after all. did i really forget about the main plot?

i stared at the screen with an obvious frown. rin and isagi are next..

and the person behind all this was saeshit. ugh, seriously... well, good thing i can just delete his files at any given time.

progressing through the story even further, i got a special poem and cringed at the 'drawing'. it was bachira hanging in a humorous manner.

this was unfortunate.

i clicked on the chat box endlessly, wanting to speedrun to the moments of all my favourite characters deaths..

seeing rin crack his neck and isagi stab himself looking like a crazed maniac broke my heart. good things don't last.. this will probably be the last time i'll ever be able to play this version of the game.

then, here sae was, fuck was he smiling for?

"let me take a quick one of rin's cupcakes, these such are really good for a brother so shitty and nasty." i scoffed and gritted my teeth in anger, sae was clearly the asshole in their brother-ship.

i was met face-to-face with sae, i pursed my lips and stared at my computer screen.

"it's nice to talk to you even if it's by a dialogue box." is this even real?

"i know that you're thinking: is this legitimate? to answer your question, yes it is. i became self aware after everything in that god damn manga and anime called blue lock, i felt sick and tired of not being able to show up in the manga after a long period of time. somehow, i found a way to break the barrier between the fictional animanga world and reality as you call it." that was a mouthful. he was pretty talkative now. my burning hatred for sae cooled down a bit as he spoke more ---

"i found this 'cutesy romance horror' game and it had all the things i needed in order to cross over to the real world. this version of the game only exists on your desktop, {user}. is {user} even your name? are you even a girl?" he shot me a confused expression.

"honestly, i don't care anymore. even i started falling in love with you. i thought i wasn't capable of love, just like the original character monika, i fell in love with you." this sent a shiver down my spine, i sweat-dropped and continued reading his dialogues.

"you read that right, i love you. even if i'm not real, i love you. i won't ever let you leave me. i'll kill you even if you think of it." he coldly stated and i opened my file explorer, ready to delete his character file --- huh.. why couldn't i delete it?

"i'm disappointed, why would you wanna try to delete me? i love you, you should be grateful i love you." but i hated sae, i hate him!

"i've been practicing for a while, i think i can finally break the laws of physics and rules of nature between our worlds." uhm, does he even know what the fuck's he saying?

"i'll see you soon, goodbye {name}. i love you." HOW DID HE GET MY NAME? DID HE HACK INTO MY COMPUTER BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK..?!?!?!

i was scared shitless, jesus christ, just what did he mean by all that? i force shut down my computer and rolled to my bed covering myself in my blankets. time to go back to sleep after that eventful experience.

short little fic, should i make a part two?

finally made a part 2!

[greeb-theartist]

Made a really big rant on wambus in my friends discord server, wanted to share it;

I wanna do a really big info dump on Wambus and Triffany's relationship and also talk about Wambus himself cuz he's pretty cool and I'm really fixated on him now... so:

I think a lot about Wambus tbh. Lemme explain. I feel like that's why he's so attached to Triffany, and everytime she doesn't come back for days and nights on end you can see it in the beginning of this game he just has this gut feeling that she's not coming back for him. I'll say it once and I'll say it again, wambus did not cheat on triffany with the cactus. cactriffy was created because of Wambus' unstable emotional attachment to Triffany.

When Triffany doesn't come back for awhile, rather instead of bottling his feelings up and exploding one day on her way random he tries to talk to the cactus about it. Cactriffy is a type of coping mechanism for him to deal with his abandonment he feels like he facing. Wambus is stubborn though, a crucial part to his character yes, but Triffany is too and I believe that is what many people in the fandom forget. He didn't cheat on her, she didn't cheat on him, all that happened was that they were both too set in their ways and hobbies to apologize to one another.

I feel like what people in the fandom also don't consider is that Triffany held her stakes *way* too high for Wambus. She expect so much of him it seemed, and it can probably come from her whole ordeal she has to be like her grandmother and such. They both have expectations they've tailed to live up too, and have different ways of coping with it. Triffany's way however seems to be staying away from humanity, more comfortable with intimate objects. Wambus is too, but he also misses feels like he failed Triffany so much he can't be forgiven, he can't be believed in anymore.

Speaking of not feeling he can be believed him anymore, I feel like this fandom tends to ignore his death voices lines. Wambus DIES thinking he is a failure, the others do not. His death is unique because it points out something about him: He was so set in his beliefs, he didn't realize Triffany loved him. And the truth is? It's because she didn't show it as much as she should. The whole reason why Triffany plans to grow a garden of all his favorite plants and such is because now the failure has shifted to her. She's now realized she's failed him not only as a wife but as a friend too.

With this next part I'm stepping into a bit of theoretical theory, but when watching @doomedpuppetyuri replay bugsnax, it had shown me a few times where Wambus was often mistreated by the cast. Take for the beginning party for example, I am always extremely infuriated by how people make such a joke of it. When Gramble says to Wambus "you don't know a thing about love, that's why your wife left you" it feels like an assumption. Triffany did *NOT* in any way leave Wambus, there a difference between packing up your things and leaving someone behind us. A stubborn personality getting in the way of an apology. They were not divorced in anyway or how, they were simply doing their own thing to handle their lives. Another thing I've noticed is Gramble often brings up Wambus a lot more than Wambus brings up Gramble. People forget that Wambus never starts the arguments, he is easily agitated. He doesn't speak much either. Same thing with the whole idea people have where Wambus threw cromdo out of spite or something. Cromdo, like the man he is but no hate to cromdo I love him probably agitated Wambus in some way that made him do that, and a small detail too is that in the DLC, Floofty has picked on Wambus too once (stating, Wambus doesn't trut Floofty since the 'Noodler Incident')

(And also I just wanna say no hate to any other characters I mention in this I've just noticed this about their relationship with Wambus.)

Wambus' emotions are their own topic themselves, because people often forget he's grumpy all the time, people make him grumpy. He's easily able to change his mood depending on what he's exposed to from other Grumps, and it feels like the some of other Grumps aren't nice to him. But Wambus is also at fault here sightly, because he's not the best at handling criticism and such, his mood can often change. Take the first scene where we meet Wambus for example: due to his stubborn qualities, when Filbo says something (accidentally) it provokes Wambus to be more hostile towards him. However, you can tell he is regretful. He is regretful when he apologizes to Filbo, Gramble, and Triffany.

Anyways I hope you enjoyed this has probably been my longest ramble ever on wambus troubleham 💔💔

[diduthinkihadforgotten]

tonight i am thinking about how you’d play with my hair til i fell asleep in your arms. remembering doing the same to you.

i say it all the time but i keep replaying every moment in my mind on a loop. every movie night, every bad joke you laughed at anyway, every eye roll and sleepy morning the late night conversations and the last time i ever hugged you.

i miss our dog. i miss the kind of frivolous impulsivity we brought out in each other. silly adventures with my most fun friends and my favorite person. when we got our dog, our Draco, it was another random wonderful thing. the way you looked at me when i told you i’d take him home.

i thought about sending you an ill advised late night message, something-something i had a best friend and now i don’t. i haven’t felt this alone since i was a scared little kid.

that probably isn’t healthy. probably a bad omen. but my mind keeps going back to that night you fought my ex, before he was my ex, for my honor. you always told me i deserved better than anyone here could give. that fucking tic tac toe game.

someone once told me that you and me were always gonna be playing secret mental 4d chess light yagami & l lawliet style until we either fucked or killed each other. i had already won at that point- you told me as much.

i remember when we had that conversation. you and me were in our own little world sitting across from each other and locked in the best pokemon game i’d had in months. that tiny picnic table was crowded like the last supper. we had 13 people not including ourselves. we’d arranged the whole hang out so we could play cards in the dark and drink cheap brandy.

i was about two turns away from winning the game when you looked me in the eye and told me that i’d officially and entirely beaten you. i asked if you meant the card game and you said no. i laughed and we put the cards away anyway.

we were close again so quickly. all it took was a 16 hour phone call in february and a premonition.

when i moved back i was so terrified id be entirely and wholly alone, but there you were. i hadn’t even told you i was coming back yet. but you were waiting. you’d made the rest of them wait too. i didn’t spend a day alone that i didn’t want to.

even now, it’s like you’ve got a sixth sense for when i’m feeling especially and overwhelmingly alone. you still care and still check on me even though we broke everything and you should hate me for it.

i wonder what weird red string-christmas lights up on the wall-twin flame fate tied us together like that. if i occupy a similar spot in the back of your mind to the niche i let you stay in.

i’m sure someday we’ll see each other somewhere as inconsequential as a grocery store, or out and about on halloween. it’s a small town after all. we can’t pretend to avoid each other forever.

i miss you, too.

[rivalsforlife]

hello!!! sorry for the long text (and for possible mistakes in this) in advance!!

in december last year i stumbled upon your fic "the catch up game". i decided to read it and honestly that was the best decision of my LIFE. that is the best fanfic ive ever read. this changed my life actually. i remember being impressed at how amazing the characterization was and how everything felt so canon. i was awake until 4 am reading because i couldnt sleep without knowing what would happen next. i started to cry while reading, not because of sadness, but because EVERYTHING was SO GOOD that i wasnt able to express my emotions properly and all i was able to do was CRY.

recently, after months have passed, i've decided to read your fanfic again, and everything was even better than before. i felt all the emotions again, and i was awake until late to read again, and i cried because it was great AGAIN. after i finished reading, i decided to read your other works and EVERYTHING is so well written!!!!

i should say that i LOVE the way you interpret narumitsu as a ship but more importantly as individual characters. i love the way you interpret the other ace attorney characters as well, they all feel so,,, alive? idk how i should put this (im horrible with words, sorry sgdugshs).

all i wanted to do telling you all this is: thank you. thank you for sharing your writing with us. know that when you write again (if you want to, of course!) i will be there to support you!!! i deeply admire your work and you deserve ALL the kudos.

well. i think thats it. i hope you have a good day/night <3 <3 <3!!

🥺 this is such a sweet ask, thanks so much for reaching out!! I'm so glad to hear that my writing had such a strong effect on you and that you enjoyed my works!

ace attorney is always so much fun to write because they're all fantastic characters on their own, but the games have all these great relationships between the characters and such a strong emphasis on platonic relationships as well (which might not be the thing to bring up while talking about a narumitsu fic, but it's always something I want to pay special attention to). Especially with the catch-up game which I intended to be more of a Phoenix characterization study/exercise I wanted to pay at least a little bit of attention to all of his important relationships!

I remember hearing writing advice once that you should have a general idea of what every character in a scene has going on in their own life, like where they came from before this scene, what they're doing after, what's the pressing issues on their mind, etc, so it doesn't feel so much like "and Maya stands off screen until she comes back in to talk about Phoenix and Edgeworth's relationship". So I'm always super happy to hear when people notice things like that because it means I'm doing it at least a little bit correctly!!

Anyways all that is to say that I really appreciate this ask and it definitely brightened my day. I know I haven't posted anything in a while (school + unemployment hell year + more school and now work??? have done a number on me). I have been writing, but I always want to wait until things are done before I post, and I think I've officially hit the year and a half mark on this project as of today, but I have no idea how much longer I'll be able to stand it before I decide it's too much work to wrangle this thing into something I like - and it's not ace attorney anyways and writing characters for the first time and figuring out how they sound is always a bit terrifying. (There's like 2/3 longfics that are the first things I wrote for ace attorney that I've abandoned.)

Maybe replaying aai2 when the official version comes out will motivate me to write more AA, because I do have one good narumitsu idea in my head that I hope I'll be able to write? But either way I'm glad that even my work from four years ago (!!!) is still having an effect on people. Catch-Up Game is still my favorite thing that I've written and I'm always happy to hear people liked it!!

This got more rambly than I intended sorry about that. Thanks again for the very sweet ask. I hope you have a good day/night as well!!

[lavender-teardroplettes]

You should do Miguel and Si hcs (Weathering Feelings VN)

Since idk how many people have played it I’ll suggest doing so before reading this post since it’ll contain spoilers!

Hcs under the cut!:

This one’s a little more interesting than most to me due to the nature of the game and Miguel looking at the PLAYER and less so the stand-in he has for you in game, gets a little meta in the best ways in my opinion. UwU

Si would find the general idea for the game really cute assuming the download page is a little different from the irl itch page and doesn't include any spoilers. It would be neat if the moment he downloads it the page is gone since it's meant for him and no one else. (though this is an open mc headcanon even if it wasn't Si, I just think it's a neat idea). While he knows games aren't the same as getting real therapy, sometimes it's nice to harmlessly vent to a game just to get it out.

I think he'd play a "normal" route where he wouldn't notice anything off about the game just yet, not hitting the right flags right away and putting the game down for a day or two before booting it up again to try and get a new route with one of the other Doctors before going back to try and do a better route with Dr. Nubloso....only to get him again even after picking different answers. Weird...but he thinks "maybe I have to hit a flag first and clear his route first." He does better the second time around, but now things are getting...weird, and he notices that the game sprite seems to be looking directly at him.

Once he gets to the part where things get really weird and Dr. Nubloso starts talking about going into the game files before the route ends, Si gets really spooked and closes the game again. He's surprised and a little shocked at the change of pace in the story, but he also can't help but be a little curious about what would happen if he did delete the file. It's also around 2-3 am at that point of time, so he also thinks that maybe he fell asleep or misread something in his sleepy state. He sleeps on it, opens the game again, and plays through one more time to make sure, once again giving different answers, and once more getting the Cloudy Day therapist.

Once he confirms the weird ending and the request of deleting the file, Si looks around in the game files before finding it. His curiosity gets the better of him after a little debate with himself, and he does. Now....When he boots up the game again he is NOT expecting to see Miguel at all, and he certainly wasn't expecting to be talked to directly. He almost yelps and turns off the game again, but something pulls his attention to the new development and tells him to stop and hear him out. Maybe he's overacting and this is just really good...specific writing? So he plays on, almost exhausting each available line of dialogue Miguel has for him, even replaying them a few times before Miguel acknowledges what he's doing and gives him the whole 'oh, you're testing me and my loyalty' speech. And...he has to admit, he does feel a little bad for the character by that time....that is until he hits the nsfw route and gets WAY MORE flustered than he should've been. And yes....he played both routes. ovo

By the end of it, he gets the ending where Miguel resolves to break out of the game for him, and he's left confused when all that loads after is a glitched screen. He does some more digging in the files and finds some "easter eggs" from Miguel, getting flustered at two of the special pictures hidden in the files. Curiouser, Si- seemingly out of a whim- decided to read the game's script...and his stomach drops when he notices little notes hidden in the game's files from Miguel- even down to the nsfw scenes. Before he can really react or fully process that this could be real, there's a knocking at his door..... Miguel came to find him just like he said he would. :)

That's all I really have for now since it's been a hot minute since I thought about how this would work given what we have with the current demo, but as you can see it's a really fun premise to play with!

[anonzentimes]

when i played danganronpa i got so fucking fixated on it that i was spending entire nights awake playing the game cause i just couldn't stay away from it which resulted in being too tired to understand what was going on sometimes and people like you who are insane about the franchise are the reason i can make sense of a lot of stuff that i wasnt able to get due to playing at 7 in the fucking morning after going to bed the night pror at 5am (i plan on re playing the games at a normal persons pace sometime later lmao)

OH MY GOD!!!!!!! KIND OF SAME? Okay. well not exactly the same. For Danganronpa 1 I watched GameGrumps play when the episodes were coming out so it was a good pace. Skip to Danganronpa 2? I watched it all in 5 days with barely any breaks. I genuinely had a headache when Chapter 6 happened and it took a really long time to process everything that happened in the chapter. Honestly same thing with v3 I also got a headache playing that game haha! But most prominently I barely understood the entire Izuru concept for a while LOLL!!! 3 years later I'm a lot better at articulation, understand it all perfectly, and am able to combine those to make mini essays as an outlet for my passion about the franchise. I totally relate and honestly I can't even remember how I got to the point of knowing everything so perfectly anymore, I just love it so much and am just here. Like people talk about the comical fact of once you enter you can never leave, but people don't mention when it's so bad you can't remember how you truly got to this point 😭!!!

And the funniest thing is I haven't actually fully rewatched Danganronpa 2 or Danganronpa 1 before. I've always seen little scenes again and analyzed things to death but i haven't fully seen them again. Danganronpa 1 I think my memory is slightly fading so I should rewatch/replay it but I remember all major events and characters, Danganronpa 2 I want to play myself and mostly remember everything because well duh, and Danganronpa v3 I actually got to play and replayed half of it when I was sick at some point because I just felt like it Lol. I've wanted to actually play Danganronpa 2 myself for like 3 years but haven't gotten around to getting it BUT A MUTUAL GIFTED IT TO ME ON STEAM FOR MY BIRTHDAY JUST A FEW DAYS AGO????????????? SO I'M GOING TO GET TO PLAY IT MYSELF AFTER SO LONG??????? (I'm trying to get my Splatoon 3 catalog finished before I start playing though haha) I am genuinely so excited about it you have NO CLUE AGHRHRHDHSJ

Anyways, personal rambles and relating aside I'm really happy I can help you understand things about the franchise! I know I certainly wished and sometimes even now wish people could just articulate things for me when I'm struggling so I can understand things better about media I like Lol. It's an honor to assist people understanding one of my main special interests :)

[manofmanymons]

may you share some takuma x kaito hcs i am in drought and dying

Yeesus do I need to start writing about them again is the takuma x kaito fandom okay al;kfjdaklj I thought was getting too annoying about them but maybe not???

first things first in case you missed any of the other times I rambled aggressively about them

here's the most recent time someone asked about them <3

here's a post from that time someone (multiple someones? all the same anon? I'll never know) was asking about marriage hcs 💍

here's a time I was just randomly babbling about them :P

this isn't a hc but just a scene that haunts my brain a lot >w<

this post talks about multiple ships but they're in it 💃🏻

here is a short fic that's like 90% just me shoving hcs in your face 📝

and since we're already shamelessly self plugging here's the first thing I ever wrote about them teehee

OKAY SO

GETTING TO THE ACTUAL POST NOW LMAO

several pre-relationship hcs

Dracmon knows the idiots are crushing on each other before either of them figures it out. Agumon can tell that there's something different about the way Takuma talks about Kaito but he's not sure exactly what it is.

Y'know that scene where if you pick the wrong dialogue, Kaito will get all pouty if Takuma says people would like him more if he softened up his speech or looks a little? I imagine Kaito might briefly worry about if Takuma would actually like him better that way. In the end he doesn't change, obviously, but the realization that he likes someone enough that he considered changing for them for even a second gets him angry and a little embarrassed. How dare Takuma make him have Stupid feelings.

Literally every single one of their friends (and most of the kemonogami) knows Kaito has a crush on Takuma. They have the restraint not to make fun of him for it, but they very much ALL know. They'll even try to subtly (why does that not look like a real word) play wingman for him, making excuses for why those two should be alone together or asking Takuma about his thoughts on romance and if he likes anybody. Takuma only realizes that's what they were doing in hindsight years later. Kaito never notices even though he's the one they were trying to help lmao.

At least some of them have bet on how long it would take them to get together.

Fuck it I don't talk nearly enough about idiot pining Kaito. He likes Takuma so much it's embarrassing. Miu has sent pictures to their friends' secret groupchat that doesn't have Kaito or Takuma in it of the stupid way he smiles when Takuma texts him. Ryo caught him on video trying to strangle Takuma for calling him adorable once. He will secretly replay the part of the video where Takuma calls him adorable when he's alone because he likes hearing it. Lowkey sped past the cute, silly "butterflies in your stomach" kind of crush straight to the "my heart hurts when you're here yet aches worse when you're gone" kinda head over heels. He would die before admitting it, even to Dracmon. We love a boy who's just a tiny bit pathetic alkdja

I swear I'm not tryna be hardcore delulu playing the game with ship goggles on but like...Every time I think about that time where he gets mad at Takuma for being too close to Miu, but instead of complaining about him being too protective, Miu remarks that it looks like he really wanted to spend time with Takuma, it just kinda reads like he was perhaps a little bit jealous. Most mentally sane and emotionally stable way of expressing that you want your friend to pay attention to you.

I think it's hilarious that Kaito's voice is so goddamn deep for a 14 year old. I also think it a contributing factor to Takuma's crush on him. Like "wow that guy sounds cool."

Anywho, established relationship part

For the first few years post-canon, they keep going back and forth between who's taller. Takuma doesn't really mind either way, but Kaito hates being shorter. Solely because of how funny his reactions are, Takuma will jokingly call Kaito "little" whenever he's taller, even if it's only by 1cm. "My precious little boyfriend," "my little love," etc. Kaito hates this. He does not hate how happy Takuma sounds when he's saying it.

Usually when they're in public, people assume they're friends. Kaito is unbothered by this. Takuma does not like the way people look at his boyfriend. Again I really don't think he's the jealous type in the sense of ever legitimately worrying about anyone stealing his bf away or minding it when Kaito spends time with Not Him, but I could see him getting irritated if anyone openly stared at or god forbid flirted with his bf in front of him. Bc like real talk for a second, outside a shitty small town, you cannot tell me that no one aged 13-17 would crush on Kaito just from looking at him. Way too many angsty teens in the world.

Freaking cat boy constantly lies on top of whatever Takuma's working on and falls asleep.

They are secretly both the "would you still love me if I was a worm" boyfriend.

Bf who overthinks x bf who rarely thinks things through

Obsessed with Takuma constantly thinking of 2-4 different ways to respond during conversations being how he actually thinks and not just a game mechanic. The patience it takes for Kaito to cope with being stared blankly at for 10 seconds after asking for a kiss bc Takuma's too busy wondering if he should ⬅️ tell him he doesn't need to ask next time, ⬆️ just kiss him, or ➡️ ask if he's sure he wants one. As if Kaito didn't already feel dorky enough for asking. "Why would he ask?" HE'S ALLOWED TO PROPERLY ARTICULATE WHAT HE WANTS SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF WAITING AROUND FOR TAKUMA TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE OKAY BUT HE WAS STILL SCARED OF DOING IT WITHOUT ASKING FIRST

Dracmon really does trust Takuma a lot and is more or less the captain of this ship. He still threatened to kill him if he ever hurt his partner when they first got together. Even when your bestie can turn into a mechanical dragon with cannons, something about a 10+ foot demon pointing a gun at you and telling you he would not hesitate if you screwed this up will really set ya straight.

Most of the time they hang out, they do whatever Takuma wants to. It sounds bad, but Kaito just really hates making decisions and really likes being around Takuma regardless of what they're doing. It took Kaito confirming this for Takuma's mom to stop getting on him about it though.

As close as they are, Takuma knows and doesn't mind that there are some things Kaito is always going to want to do with Miu instead of him, and Kaito knows and doesn't mind that there are some things Takuma is always going to want to do with Minoru.

Uhhh they are,,,very silly. Kaito high key one of those kids who decided he was too old for a lot of things when he was still really young, so sometimes Takuma has to force him to act his age and/or make up for lost childhood. Of course, Takuma himself has a tendency to think he's older than he actually is, but sometimes Kaito sounds so much like a tired adult that even he knows that's not normal.

Kaito has a lot of biases regarding how dumb he thinks romance is that he has to get over now that he's in a relationship. He's about to call someone else's big romantic gesture stupid until Takuma comments on how sweet it is and he has to go "yeah, real cute" instead. He's trying his best guys he really is.

...Several love songs have wormed their way into his playlists since dating Takuma. Some were even there since back when he just had a crush. Many are a result of Takuma sending him songs and saying "this made me think of you." Don't tell anyone. He only listens to rock and metal, he swears.

Sorry besties I cannot think of anything else rn I'm sure there's more but I'm eepy

[yanderefairyangel]

*sight*

Alright so basically was again talking about Engage story and how I thought it did a better job then 3H with someone and at first it was very cordial, but when I said that in Engage, animals, clothing and dishes are linked to the area unlike in 3H where everything is linked to the monastery, I wake up to a condescending reply where I am told I have no reading skills and as much media literacy as a 3 year old and that I was straight up lying, before getting blocked with no chance to reply to this person... who managed to misunderstood something I said in less then 2 lines. So I decided that instead of just ranting I would actually use this to show how the Somniel is better then the monastery while explaining further this idea because I actually think it's a clever idea and shows why you should never rely only on conveying your worldbuiling through telling.

So what do I mean by linked ? In both Engage and 3H you have many things originating from all the continents, but in 3H everything is linked to the monastery whereas in Engage it's not, the only thing that is linked to the Somniel is what originates from Lythos in terms of dishes or clothing, and only because the Somniel is part of Lythos.

If you want something originating from Firene, you need to unlock said region from Firene first while keeping in mind that the animals or materials avalaible in let's say , the map of chapter 4 is not avaliable in chapter 5's map and slightly different then in map 6. Same can be said about Brodia, Elusia and Solm and even once you unlocked those areas, you still need to make donations to be able to unlocked some dishes in the Somniel, some outfits or to adopt some animals. Therefore, we understand that those are all linked to the different areas of the world it originates from, all the more so when Engage having no NG+ if you replay another file, you have to do this again giving a real meaning to the exploration phase. It's also giving you the sense that Alear is actually gaining knowledge on the world they live in and are getting used to it, fitting with their own character developpement of slowly stepping more and more into their role as the Divine dragon. Additionally it helps making the Somniel much more tolerable because it gives you a sense of progression, it doesn't feel monotone nor routine like. You get to visit different landscapes that are moreover beautifully designed with colorful graphics meaning you are less likely to feel bored and feel like you are repeting over and over again the same thing. The fact that the more you progress into the story, the more you unlock stuff even activites linked to one specific character (work out => Alfred, Wyrvern riding =>Ivy etc) so it makes the Somniel feel actually meanigful and gives the feeling that Alear is getting used to their world, as well as varying in the Somniel during the playthrough so that at no points it feels boring while still leaving the possiblity to skip the Somniel when you don't want to go back to it. The only cons of this strategy is that it's up to the player to actually seek for the world and do the exploration and donations but depending on what you want to see on your first playthrought, it actually leaves you the choice.

Now in 3H. The monastery is the place where you end up spending most of the game and oh boy does it hurts the story. So while 3H has this gigantic worldbuilding, the main problem is that it's conveyed through dialogue. And unlike Engage where you had only 2 chapters of Lumera and Alfred explaining the whole world to Alear and then lefting the rest to explore so that the story could focus on it's events and left the support dwell more into it as well, the characters will very, very , very often repeat the same wordlbuilding elements. So now, while 3H also let you cook specialty from Adestria, Faerghus or Leicester or let you pet animals from diverses regions... you never work for them. They aren't linked to the area of the world they originate from, they are all linked to the monastery as they are already there. All you need to do is to fufill the request that unlocked the cooking activity. It's not "Oh I went to Faerghus and now that I visited the place I can cook any dishes originating from there", no it's already there. And while I get it since Garrech March is the center of the world and that with these many students from all over the continent, they need to have a lot of recipes from all around the world, it kills the creativity because everything is handed to you, you just need to do some secondary quest rather then actually explore the world so as a result, the only thing you have to do is do monastery activities rather then visit the world to get them. Same thing for the animals, they aren't linked to their world, but to the monastery and thus everything is avalaible regardless of which route you choose. Even in Leicester you can have stuff from Faerghus in the monastery because it is linked to it rather then to the place it originates from, so it creates a very monotone thing in the monastery that contributes to its repetitveness and gives little variety to the route you choose. And when the game asks you to replay everytime the first 12 chapter, let's say that it's not good. And with NG+ it's worse because the necessity to gain activity point that gave the impression Byleth was becoming a better teacher is ruined by the sole fact that all the points you had can be re-acquired right at the begining despite you doing nothing to deserves it on this playthrough.

Moreover, it never feels like Byleth is learning about the world they live in because the characters will constantly acts as if they didn't knew about... everything. It doesn't matter how much time you can spend at the library reading about the family and the world, for reasons the character will always treat you as if you didn't read those. And this is because of being a route game. Since 3H can't know which routes you'll play first, it constantly treats every 12 chapters as if you never played the others while also taking into account that you might have played the others and trying to rely on that for a lot of things. It creates a paradox, but paradoxes never works and it actually hurts the story because one of the reasons why 3H feels so easy to burn out from is the repetiteveness and the monastery being that one place where all the worldbuiling is stocked into when it's not conveyed through dialogue or supports or the main story, it only makes the monastery more and more tedious. Compare that to the Somniel where you have the possiblity to skip those phase, where when you go to the donations maps, you can notice the difference between the different areas, to the world exploration phases after battle where the title screen will appear to tell you "that you don't know enough about said animal to adopt it", where you have to make donations to unlock all these regions linked items. There is more variety here.

If Engage was a route game where you can side with any of the 4 kingdoms, no doubt it would have a real advantage over 3H by the fact that these exploration phases and unlockable items linked to the regions they originate from with what's more, the possiblity to observes the landscape gives much more variety and diversity making the whole Somniel and fighting phases less monotone. In 3H, the only variety offered by choosing your path is your students, whom you can recruit anyway no matter what houses you choose, so it ends up that 3H's has little variety. Imagine if depending on whether you choose Black Eagles or Blue Lions, you end up with different stuff for each route : different pets to pet, different plants to plant, different dishes to cook and if you could unlock outfits linked to these regions rather then having only the outfits that are Garrech March made since you can only choose to dress your units between differents uniforms or a maid/butler outfit. Say whatever you want about Engage's design, but at least, it lets you dress your units as how people in the kingdoms traditionally dress up. But since the only NPC you can intereact with in 3H are people of the monastery, it once again kills that diversity. In Engage, you can talk to NPC living there in their environement. In 3H you can't. The only way you know how people of Faerghus dress is by looking at Dima and the other with their outfit that seems to fit more for a country where there is a cold climate but that's about it.

And worse : since 3H recylcles a lot of maps and place present in the support for the dialogue even in main story, it's even less varieted. It gives even more the impression that you don't move, that everything is static. And it's not even that all maps are the same, but the fact you have so little opportunity to appreciate going outside of the monastery makes it hard to project yourself. You can literaly go click on map yet it feels like you don't move at all and mainly due to the calendar system. Outside of battle and side mission, can you really say that 3H lets you explore the world ? And is it really that different between the routes ?

You wanna know a game that does exactly like Engage ? Fates. Freaking Fates.

Fates has its flaw, but diversity and variety was not one of them. When you choose Hoshido, you get special item originating from Hoshido in my Castle and since those aren't available if you choosed Nohr, so that means those ressources are linked to Hoshido and that gives more variety to the playthrough.You have to choose an entire route to get to have both ressources. It gives actual variety to the landscape and life to the world. 3H in comparision hands you everything it has no matter which route you choose : dishes ? all there in the monastery. Animals that can be found in variying regions of Fodlan ? They are all already in the monsatery, no need to visit any country to adopt them. Clothing ? All comming from the monastery, no way you can cosplay as some villager from Remire or any palce you are curious about.

What I am trying to say, it's that by showing its worldbuiling and letting you explore the world and do all these little stuff, Engage is able to make it's world more lively and creates an actual dynamic between Alear and Elyos rather then having them staying passive. In 3H, the worldbuilding is always presented to us but the fact that it is linked to the monastery and not avalaible in any other context ruins it and fails to give it life, if anything it gives everything to the player no matter the route making the experience feels shallow which is what I am sure player that feels like 3H has this enormous worldbuilding and does nothing with it comes from. It's great to have a big worldbuilding, but because everything is tied to the monastery rather then the region it is originating from, it ends up feeling like there is no substance in this worldbuilding and in 3H's case it hurts even more due to how it makes the replay experience so repetitive. You can play a different route, but the monastery phase will remain pretty much the same since it's the same story for 12 chapters, only some dialogue changes and different scene... doesn't help a lot does it ?

And you are pretty much forced to play the monastery phase just because you need to boost your teacher points to unlock every monastery feature but with NG+ it's only once you'd have to do that since you won't have to do it for the next playthrough making the whole thing even more tedious.

The Somniel in comparison is not only very easily skippable, but the fact that it gets more and more feature because of your progression in the story and the world rather then your Somniel activity does convey a progression rythm making the exploration phase worth it. Unlike for Garrech March were the feature depended only on how much you invested into monastery actvity, for the Somniel the feature rely on your progression into the world. And the lack of NG+ in Engage actually respect that every of these feature is linked to the world and that's up to the player to search for them, unlike the monastery where everything is handed to you, linked to the monastery and therefore making it that the world of Fodlan fails to come to life.

This tell don't show way of exposing the worldbuilding that 3H has is really a big flaw, especially for the gigantic world it created for itself. Engage has a simpler and smaller world, but the fact it lets you explore it and most importantly, interact with the world rather then being locked into the Somniel like Rapunzel in her tower helps it give it life, it breaks the possible monotony of the Somniel by giving variety to your moves.

If 3H had a world hub phase like Engage, you have no idea how this would improve it's wordbuilding by giving it actual substance. At first Engage's activity might seems like silly little fun, but it actually gives you a dynamic and active relationship to said world rather then staying at home and having everything handed to you over

Now that's not saying Engage has a perfect worldbuilding but I can say that if the devs had a library like for 3h, it's likely that to fill it you'd have to again unlock the kingdoms first to have them in the Somniel and it's possible they might have you have a mini games like a quizz with Vander since it's how it worked for all the Royals having a special activity to train Alear. And in the case of 3H, if the reading could actually pay off. That would be an improvement.

[mrsbsmooth]

For the anon from earlier (the one abt lewie) and all of us who are loyal to Lewie + love him in our playthroughs and need some reassurance, we need to have faith in our man Lewie. That man has been set on mc since DAY 1, and everyone in the villa seems to know it. The ppl in the villa are always saying that he's a keeper and to not let him go, and look how hard he fought for mc when Roberto was going after her and even Elliot too. I do genuinely believe Lewie may have felt pressured to talk big game about Chloe to the boys and that's why he said what he said, he's a people pleaser after all. Was there interest from him to Chloe? Maybe, but he even said himself that it doesn't compare to how he feels with mc and again everyone seems to pick up on it too. Even the Casa boys say that he got all and I quote "melty" about mc and wouldn't stop talking about us on his date. I also find it as a good sign that when Chloe tried to make a move he turned her down because he doesn't want to "Mess things up with mc". This is the second time he's been on a date and someone has played big moves on him and he turned them down cause of us, not to mention miss Ivy trying to kiss him behind our back and he also turned her down. You can tell he's very serious about mc, that man has slept on the daybeds every time he wasn't sleeping with us. So I have faith in him and I think we all should :) I've been seeing around that people are upset he didn't leave with us but FB can't do that cause we were going to Casa but who knows lewies reasoning as to not going. Maybe the reasons will be explained once we get back.

Ihave a possible theory that Lewie maybe didn't leave with us because he wanted to make sure that he was 100% about us, that that spark he's never felt with anyone before (in his own words) is with mc and ONLY with mc. He probably stood behind to think out everything and to see if any of the other girls made him feel the way Mc did. Which I know sounds bad but he won't do it in a douchebag kind of way, he's just doing it to prove something he already knows, that his and mcs chemistry + feelings can't be reached by any other girl. Catch me being delulu here ^

P.s. I also feel guilty because I've been crushing on Andy a lil and I have kissed him and flirted with him, but I replayed it and am staying loyal to Lewie. Andy just makes it really hard 😭

Hopefully this does not age poorly and Lewie/FB will not prove me wrong :D

Babe I’m with you.

I’m gonna go and replay once I wake up properly (5:45am here now) and be loyal to Lewie. I just can’t do it to his little face. Even if he does bring a girl back, even if he did kiss her, god, even if he did more than that. EVEN IF HE SAYS HE OWES IT TO HER TO GIVE HER A SHOT which is the single most hurtful thing he could do.

(Like side note, personally he could do absolutely whatever he wanted in casa and if he immediately dropped her when he saw us again I would forgive everything straight away)

But for real I just can’t do it to him. Lewie has my heart and my whole ass, I love him and I want him back 😭

[eccentric-nucleus]

the game-thing i'm working on is getting to the point where i'm thinking about writing dialog & i am once again thinking about how difficult good game writing is to do. games sometimes have enormous amounts of text but a lot of it is just like, 'seven paragraphs of lore-appropriate justifications for fetching me 10 rat asses' or whatever. this is not text that is really doing anything from a thematic standpoint.

(okay lots of people seem to like the ffxiv writing so maybe i should take a look at that. but i don't know anything about that)

'visions of mana' came out recently & that got me thinking about 'legend of mana', which was for a very long time my favorite game of all time, and now might only not be in top place because it's been like 20 years since i played it and i'm a very different person from who i was then. but legend of mana's writing was like, deeply formative for me? it's just such a weird game. the main character is utterly uninvolved in all of the main quests. there are three separate main quests that are completely unrelated to each other, and you only need to complete one to trigger the end of the game. there are all these sidequests about the interiority of random villagers. more than any other game i've played, legend of mana reminds me of a fairy tale? some of the quests are just weird. there's a multi-part quest about a depressed kid who kills himself and is taken away to the underworld! there's a short, simple quest where a crazed mage is trying to get a world-destroying power that will make the stars fall, and when he gets it it's a fireworks display, and he's like "...oh", and then this never comes up again when you talk to him afterwards. he's a teacher at the magician's academy. there's such a broad spread of what a quest might be like that it's kind of impossible to tell where any one might go.

so, the mana series as a whole kind of has a recurring theme: mana power supports life. every time mana power resurges, in the form of the mana tree growing again, there are huge wars over who gets to control the flow of mana power. horrible death weapons get created to fight in those wars. civilizations are destroyed and the fighting only really stops when the mana tree is inevitably burned down. 'mana power' is kind of a representation of... the totality of existence. everything good and bad that people could possibly want. the final dungeon of legend of mana is the mana tree itself, verdant outside and consumed by luminous rot inside. the final boss is the mana goddess herself.

anyway visions of mana starts with the premise that there are all these little bucolic towns peaceably living together, and every so often they pick a random person in the town to go on a quest that ends with them being sacrificed at the mana tree, which consumes their soul. a little low-stakes compared to the mana tree's usual civilization-destroying power-struggle antics, but sure okay. the mana tree can absolutely be an evil soul-sucking thing. but it's so clearly poised for some mid-game reveal about something, & i'm concerned it's gonna go in a "actually we don't need to do all the sacrifice stuff" direction, & that would be kinda disappointing. "is a peaceful idylic existence worth the sacrifice of an innocent person", etc. something something those who walk away from omelas something something cursed child etc. it's a big swing to take! and i really do not have faith in a videogame to pull off something actually philosophical these days.

all that is to say i was thinking of replaying legend of mana for writing ideas but tbh i have no clue if it'll hold up.

[hacked-by-jake]

Hi!

I would be greatly obliged to get some advice.

I am kind of stuck with Moonvale. Not with the minigames, but with the story. I am by nature a very curious person, and I am out of gems! My will to play this game has kind of disappeared. I want to know the story and see all the images and stuff, but I just don't feel like even opening the game.

What should I do?

Btw I adore your blog and what you say about Moonvale and Everbyte is so on point! ❤😇

First of all, thank you so much for the compliment and I'm very glad that you seem to like my opinions. I'm really happy about it. And of course I'm crazy happy that you like my blog, it's a very huuuge compliment for me and I'm so honoured. 🥹💚

Oof, how can I help you? To be honest, the only advice I can give you is to try it. Try it once again and try to fully concentrate of the story. I don't know how much you liked duskwood but maybe it will help to think about the fact that we're still the same MC, if you played with code. I mean, I think many of us have some imagination about our own personal duskwood story, so maybe trying to keep the imagination going and imagine MC having their next case now will help. I just mean, like, romanticising the playthrough even more, haha.

I'm glad you're not stuck with the mini games. But I fear, the only option is to force yourself to keep playing and hopefully the story can catch you completely at some point.

Or maybe you're just taking a break for now. I mean, it's a game and it's supposed to be fun. And if you don't feel like it, maybe right now is just not the time for you. Maybe replay Duskwood to get the vibe back and when you finished it, maybe then you will feel ready for Moonvale. Playing it without a wait stuff.

Out of gems is another problem, of course. I mean, I can really recommend you to open the app once a day to get the free daily gems. Two are better than nothing, I think. But otherwise, I don’t know what you could do. I'm very sorry. But maybe it's really just like that and right now is not the time for you. Even if you want but actually, there's something like a wall in your head that stops you.

But I think just getting into duskwood again might help as well.

I think if you concentrate on the story at some point you will start liking it. Maybe you already started to play again. Which would of course be the best thing.

And I really hope you can finish it at some point. Because I think after some time to cool down our emotions and stuff it's easier and is a better experience. 💚💚

[armed-saphire]

if you had been writing the women in metal gear what would you change with them (a lot i know) because i feel like just the idea of women being written well in metal gear will benefit us all

I'm answering but just so we all know my qualifications here are just that I'm a woman I am not a writer or game designer or whatever also as it goes on I get more pissed off so it gets a little messy structure wise hope that's ok anyways here's what I wrote:

Um ok, so it would take sooo long to write a full structured analysis so I'll give little things for each character. Uhh mgs1 make Meryl less of just a flat love interest stand-in because the rest of her backstory in that game feels like it’s shoehorned in to make it seem like she has actual character when she's just meant as the glorified damsel in distress (not to say she can't need help but a lot of it felt like a bunch of "leave me Snake, I can't help you I'm just a GIRL!!"). Also, this is just my personal HC but it would add so much to her if she was transgender but it's not like NEEDED- anyway also Naomi was meant to be brown idk what happened but I would return her melanin to her I think. Mei Ling is mostly fine character-wise but I would remove all of Snake's weird advances and comments about her. I would actually remove that from all of his interactions with women in that game I think. OH and Sniper Wolf should put the thangs away I'm thinking like a fur coat and also I want her whole character to be more than just a sexy lady with a tragic past. her speaking in a seductive voice 80% of the time and just being honestly creepy was stupid. I think she could just be a person maybe. that would be cool I think. She could've been just tough and standoffish and then revealed her true feelings as she was dying instead of all the weird seductive stuff

Ok now Mgs2, Fortune is pretty much fine but I wish she didn’t have her booty cheeks out on the seemingly cold big shell bc Raiden was shivering and sneezing like a little wet dog when he lost his suit so I'd assume she’s cold too. if she was wearing some cool pants or something that would be neat but other than that I think she's pretty well written. next Emma ummm her personality itself isn't the issue to me but I didn’t like how Raiden was kind of creepy towards her (not really but like. “You should wear contacts” I'll punch him maybe). Also, she should've had a cooler outfit but that's it. Honestly, I’d have to rewatch or replay Mgs2 to get a good grasp of her character but I see no crazy issues. Rosemary omg I think she’s fine but I hated how it kind of felt like it was Raiden and Campbell vs Rose and she always loses even in non-canon codecs it was so annoying. Other than that once again I will have to listen to the codecs again because I haven't heard all of them in a while. Actually, I just remembered I didn't like how she was kind of written to be oddly insecure?? Ig?? I mean she spent a lot of time in codecs talking about personal stuff and not the mission which I guess was intentional but I found it odd. Olga’s fine no notes. Don’t think there's anyone else. (skipping mgs3 bc it only has 3 women and I think they’re all written ok I don't have many issues.) Ok, mgs4 for the B&B unit I will refer you to this post because I’ve already talked about it. other than that Meryl was actually really good until the final part on outer haven that was so bad “I can't protect anyone” or whatever she said girl fuck off the only reason she said that was so that big strong man Johnny Sasaki could come to save her omg fuck you also Johnny Sasaki should die that's crucial to this anyway, Mei Ling was fine but I’d remove the codec call where Otacon and Snake say that Mei Ling probably just slept with older men to get to her job position I just think I wouldn't have that in the game probably. Naomi ok so I haven't finished mgs1 so I can't tell you exactly if what she does in Mgs4 is fucked up compared to how she is in mgs1 I mean personality wise but also I was eating a really gross ass sandwich when I watched one of her long cutscenes and it skewed my perception of her a bit oh also I would personally like to button her shirt up for her. uh idk Rose once again was fine but also I’m killing everyone for the mistranslation from the JP version of mgs4 that in English made her seem like some evil liar idk anyway you look that up if you really wanna know it’s on Twitter. uh who else does Sunny count doesn't matter she's fine no issues. 

GZ you already know what I'm going to say also TPP so I'm skipping it also I'm not wasting my time getting triggered for no reason so like read my mind or something

Because I skipped 3 games I’ll do MGR Courtney her character itself was fine I didn't like the codecs where 1 Raiden jokes that she should get lipo and 2 the call that's just Raiden and Kevin talking about how much they don't wanna date her also her design is so like beauty standards boring as shit at least make her look cool or something idk. and Mistral I’m so tired of femme fatale characters in Metal Gear it’s not cute it’s not like empowering the way it’s done her entire character is sexualized and it is JUST because she's a woman. I said this about Wolf too it’s hard to feel bad for a character’s sad war backstory when it is also very clear they’re just meant to be a sexual object with no substance it’s not cute either it's just stupid. Also, there’s other stupid sexist codecs about her too obviously lastly uh Sunny’s also in it she's fine whatever

also i just noticed i skipped peace walker but like whatever its fine lol