#once again I love the perspective and I'm proud of the lighting! I'm using these for practicing all my skills

[vampthropologist]

お楽しみはこれから ("The fun has only just begun.")

Song 62 of my top 100 for the year. This is the song that introduced me to FAKE TYPE and THHK the year before! Requested by @galaxyempire-lilith (I now know what a drum major is.)

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[subastian-swallows]

Dark Whispers, Light Vows

CHAPTER THREE: MEMORIES

★ Chapter two

Chapter four ★

Pairing: Dark!Sebastian x AurorMC x AurorOminis - Love Triangle Fic

Words: 7.5k

Warnings: Angst, as always lmao, pain, drunk kissing, memories, letter from Sebastian — before Azkaban RIP

Summary: “In a race against time, (Auror’s) Alice and Ominis must work together to recapture their former friend Sebastian, an escapee from Azkaban. But when Sebastian begins to use a mysterious new form of magic to haunt Alice’s dreams, she’s torn between bringing him to justice or helping him escape, risking everything in the process. Love, friendship, and the battle between light and dark intertwine as Alice must decide which path she will take.”  

A/N: I'm so sorry this took me forever lmao, I'm getting sick and life is wild. I hope you enjoy!

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.” — Haruki Murakami

Alice always hated using apparition as a means of getting around, simply because no matter how often they used it—the sudden dizzy spill it provided her, somehow only got worse each time. But Ominis always preferred it over flying, the idea of being suspended in the air, provided little intrigue to him and Alice always teased him for it. She had learned of his fear in the middle of their sixth-year, when Quidditch tryouts had started up again in the springtime. He didn’t want to be there, that much was certain—with the soft snickers of those around him, mocking him for his overconfidence, and yet, because of Alice, he endured it willingly. 

Ominis wasn’t there to try out though, not intentionally anyway. He had just planned to tag along and support Alice from the sidelines, desperate for her to have something to do, simply to keep her mind preoccupied. And yet, it was so hard to deny just how much power she actually had over him, realising that perhaps he just allowed for it to happen—simply because he loved her. But Alice wasn’t cruel, or at least she tried not to be and so when she eventually pushed him away from the Quidditch pitch, Ominis’ hand lingered on her arm—a silent thank you, one that Alice understood completely. 

He welcomed the comfort of the Gryffindor stands, despite the clear confusion from those around him and perhaps, he just didn’t want to sit alone. So when Natsai had offered to relay what was happening, clearly amused by Alice’s sudden burst of furiosity, Ominis happily accepted and sat in silence as he focused on every little detail. Truthfully, he felt a little strange sitting next to Natsai, but not for the sake of not enjoying her company—in fact, Ominis liked her perspective on things. It was more so, due to the lingering thoughts of Sebastian. It was always his responsibility to describe things in vivid and rather over exaggerated detail, taking enjoyment out of either flustering Ominis or making him even more confused. But now, he relied on Alice, which in turn, wasn’t bad—except for when she stopped talking and so he branched out, creating new friendships and that’s where Natsai came in. 

Eventually, Alice returned as the newest beater for Gryffindor alongside Garreth and although she should have been proud of herself, Ominis once again—was the only one who understood why she felt miserable about it. The memory of Sebastian lingered much too long that day, ending with Alice almost attempting to forfeit her position altogether. For it was the position that Sebastian had dreamed of playing, always teasing the idea of trying out to be one of the beaters for the Slytherin team—and yet, he never got the chance. Alice knew that she didn’t need to feel guilty, but that was always easier said than done and in the end the only reason she stayed on the team—was because Ominis asked her to. 

In the end, she was pretty good at it too. Alice seemed to have found comfort in taking out her anger and pain, through smashing bludgers at the opposing teams. It had just become yet another thing for her to use as a coping mechanism and over time, Alice grew bold and risked more—that even Ominis questioned if it was helping anymore. Except perhaps it eventually did, even just a little and soon enough, Alice started to talk more, laugh more—and the game became more about the thrill it gave her, rather than the painful memories that lingered with it. Ominis became her number one supporter too, always wrapped in Gryffindor colours and although it made for constant gossip and idle taunting—his focus was always on her. 

By the end of their sixth-year, Alice was a well respected Quidditch player. She had found the ability to mask her pain, hide it away, so that it only hurt when she was in the dark and eventually—it stayed there. But the darkness never did like to stay silent, no instead, it simply just waited for the right time to strike and when it did, no one was safe. 

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Perched atop a hill, Hogwarts lay almost waiting—a daunting piece of her history that Alice was unsure whether she was relieved to see again. It had stayed much the same in the years since they had graduated, leaving nothing more to admire, then the fact that it still felt like home. But sometimes, homes are broken and when they are filled with too much pain, no matter how many good memories you might have there—it is still broken. Finally letting go of Ominis’ hand, as if she had been holding onto something too hot, Alice swiftly stepped forward and hummed sadly—as if to announce her complex feelings of returning to a place she had tried to forget. 

“Why am I not surprised that this place hasn’t changed a bit,” Alice said, rubbing her thumb harshly against her other palm, as she slowly spun around and attempted to find comfort in something— anything. She hadn’t quite thought about the feelings she would have being back and now that she was here, Alice quickly felt her chest grow tight. “They haven’t even changed the gardens.” 

“Are you truly upset about the school's flower arrangements, or are you just not happy to be back.” 

Alice smiled but didn’t turn to face him, her eyes now fixated on the floating watering cans. “Can’t it be both?”

“I suppose, it does feel strange, doesn’t it?” Ominis asked, moving to her side, only to grab her hand and halt the rubbing she had continued to do since they arrived. Alice looked down a little confused until she saw just how red her palm had gotten and she swallowed shyly, looking up at him—while Ominis let go of her hand. “Doesn’t it feel like we’ve stepped back in time? It’s almost a little nerve-racking, as if stepping back into a memory.” 

“More like a nightmare.” 

Ominis smiled softly, attempting to lighten the mood and yet Alice barely reacted, her gaze returning to the castle. Truthfully she was right, although they ended seventh-year on a happier note, it seemed that for the both of them—their time at Hogwarts had been tainted. “It wasn’t all bad, do you remember the last trip we made to the Black Lake?”

“You mean the time where Garreth almost got dragged into the water by that Selkie?” Alice said, unable to hide the fact that reminiscing about the moment they pulled a screaming Garreth from the water’s edge, made her smile. Ominis could clearly sense the new shift in her voice and so he looked at her, chuckling under his breath as he made his way towards the castle—keeping his pace slow, to allow Alice to join him. “Do you recall what happened after? How he thought, he had been chosen—”

“Chosen for something special? Oh, believe me I do. I had to spend the next three hours listening to him talk about it—and not in a way, I wish to repeat.” 

Alice’s nose scrunched up as she laughed and although it was a pretty pitiful one at that, Ominis enjoyed the sound. It meant that she could still find some comfort, amongst all of the wounds they had to reopen and when she looked up to see his smile had grown a little in size, Alice nudged him softly. “Have you kept in contact with him? If not…perhaps we should look to the Black Lake?” 

“I have been in contact with him actually, but now that you mention it—his letters do always smell a little salty,” Ominis said, leaning towards her, as if to mock her teasing and so Alice nudged him again—this time a little harder and her reaction, made him chuckle a little louder. “He’s actually taken over Pippin’s Potions. Calls himself a Potion’s Master—”

“I thought that was the title given to the Professor who taught Potions? I wonder how Sharp took that.”

Ominis shrugged, clearly amused by the thoughts of a particular red-head, who had managed to make their last two years at Hogwarts—perhaps, more fun than they had expected and Alice couldn’t help but find it sweet that they had stayed in touch. Ominis had been better in that department, keeping track of friendships, whereas Alice—simply focused on her work. She didn’t mean to pull away from everyone, but it was just easier that way and eventually, time became hazy—almost unimportant and she eventually grew used to it. Alice turned to Ominis now, attempting to continue their conversation, as if she was afraid to walk the castle grounds in silence and yet—when the sudden scurrying of a group of sixth-years caught her attention, Alice grew much too curious and dragged Ominis to follow them. 

“What’s gotten into you?” Ominis asked, despite willingly allowing her to drag him after the group of students and although she had most certainly heard his question, Alice ignored it completely. Truthfully she didn’t have a reason, except perhaps, to delay the inevitable and so she gently gripped his hand tighter and followed the group into the bell tower courtyard. “Alice, do not forget we have a job to do.” 

“Oh, do not be boring Ominis, besides—what if a student is in trouble? They're scurrying around like a bunch of headless Gnomes…oh perhaps, it’s a duel?” 

Ominis laughed, thoroughly at a loss for words and yet he didn’t try to stop her or even berate her, no instead, he simply focused on just how small her hand was in his as they ran to keep up with the students. But it wasn’t until Alice came to an abrupt stop and he had to physically stop himself from knocking into her, that Ominis felt her hand slip from his. The noise he made was almost automatic, a show that he was disappointed that they had already separated and when Alice turned slightly, stealing a quick glance at him—Ominis seemed to ignore it and stepped ahead of her, his focus now on searching for the students. 

“Their footsteps have stopped, have we caught up with them?” Ominis said, his usual confident demeanour waving slightly, just enough that she could tell he had grown flustered and so Alice smiled awkwardly and moved to his side again. “I can’t seem to focus—”

“My, don’t tell me—I’m going to have to do all the work? Aren’t you usually good at following trails?” 

Ominis swallowed hard, attempting to keep his head from even twitching in her direction and so Alice hummed, crossing her arms against her chest. She was right, he was an exceptional tracker. But he had been caught off guard, the feeling of her touch—which felt almost electrifying, as if she had touched him differently somehow, now lingered on his skin. And for a split second, his mind was completely blank. “Tease all you like, Alice, but I’ll have you know—I always track down my target. And as of right now, it’s a bunch of students about to duel each other, so I suppose we should step in.” 

“And why would we do that?” Alice asked, looking up at him with a faint smile spreading across her face, trying to gauge his reaction, but he seemed to have already found his confidence again and she pouted, turning back to the crowd—which had now morphed into a circle. “It’s harmless fun—”

“Until it’s not. Do remember we’re not roguish students anymore, Alice.”

Alice shot him a look and rolled her eyes. He was right, of course, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. It seemed that over time, Ominis never really strayed far from the confinements of his responsibilities anymore and Alice always felt bothered by it. “Well, you can stop them. But, I will not. Do remember we were once just like them, Ominis and as I recall—you enjoyed it, just as much.”

Twisting on her heels, making it clear that she wasn’t about to step in to stop the duel, Ominis tensed his fingers around the handle of his wand—before he too, turned and followed Alice towards the castle. He wanted to refute her words, or even just continue to argue with her, for no other reason but to still his beating heart and yet no words left his mouth. It was as if just being back here, brought back every little memory they had shared together, the touches she allowed him and yet, he knew it was simply just that—a memory and one that wasn’t always his. Ominis had found himself recalling their past arguments on duelling, which had mainly been due to her blatant disregard for her safety—and yet, Alice never did listen to him. 

She had found more comfort in the thrill it provided her, the scars it left on her skin and despite the nights of twisting in agony as Ominis mended her wounds—Alice continued to ignore how destructive she had become. It was as if she wanted the pain to be physical, rather than emotional, perhaps just to feel like she could control how much it hurt and yet, it never worked. Alice was like a ticking time bomb, merely edging the fine line of instability. But despite all this, the burden she had now become, Ominis refused to allow her to go through with it alone—and no matter what happened, if she simply just used him until she was better, it had already been long decided that he had accepted his fate. 

Ominis lingered back, perhaps just to figure out how to calm his heart, as if the beating of it could be heard—but Alice must have felt the sudden shift and when she stopped to wait for him, he quickly forced a smile. It had been a long time since it had felt this tense between them and Ominis simply wished to blame it on the situation they had found themselves in—but truthfully, for a long time now, he had found his comfort in blaming their past and Sebastian for everything, rather than deal with the idea that Alice might never truly be his. When they eventually reached the large oak doors, the wood scraping lightly against the stone floor, it was Alice’s stifled groans Ominis heard first—before a familiar voice echoed off the walls and even he couldn’t hide his animosity towards the owner. 

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“Gaunt, my, if you aren’t a sight for sore eyes,” Phineas said, his focus entirely on Ominis as if he refused to acknowledge Alice and although she had every urge to call him out for it, Ominis simply grabbed her arm and forced her quiet. Unlike her, when it came to dealing with those of the same snobbish attitude—Ominis knew that upsetting the Headmaster, would have only caused them drama and so she looked away to grumble as Phineas reached forward to pat Ominis against the arm. “All grown up, famous Auror—it’s quite the feat.” 

“Professor Black, I do hope you don’t mind us dropping in like this. Ministry business, you understand.” 

Phineas finally glanced Alice’s way, but she had chosen to keep her focus on practically anything else. She hated the man, purely for his outlook on the world around them, but in the depths of her heart—she truly hated him, for Professor Fig. It had been a long time since she had thought of him, the pain attached to the memories they shared, far too great and so Alice simply shoved them deep—something she had gotten exceedingly good at. “Care to tell me what brings you here? Last I heard, you were searching for Sallow?” 

“Clues, Professor—perhaps, simply to look around for anything we’ve missed,” Ominis said, straightening slightly when Alice pulled herself free from him, before she moved to lean against the staircase—Phineas barely even flicked his gaze in her direction as she did so, but it didn’t stop the disgust that quickly spread across his face. “Truthfully, I must express that it is vital that we’re not interrupted—”

“Gaunt—it’s quite bold of you to come into my school and demand things from me? Why should I even agree to this?”  

Ominis smiled, but it was the type of smile that bordered the line between charm and malice, one that looked almost too threatening—as if he was now a predator readying to capture his prey. And it was obvious that Phineas had felt the slight shift in the air, but when Ominis hummed softly and pulled out his pocket watch, it was only then that he grew nervous. “Professor, if you are directly coming in between an Auror and their duty—I have no other choice but to send word back to the Minister. And, you wouldn’t want that now, would you?” 

“Are you threatening me, Gaunt?” Phineas said, though it was more so a squeak and Alice couldn’t help but lean on the railing, edging herself closer, clearly amused by the situation unfolding. But it seemed that her eyes now had focused solely on Ominis’ hands as his fingers nimbly fiddled with his cufflinks and she swallowed hard, shaking away her thoughts. “I will not tolerate, such disrespect—”

“No threats here Professor, I was merely stating a fact. Besides, if I wished to threaten you, I would have gone for something more incriminating. But we’re not here for that are we, Alice—at least not today.” 

Alice grew flustered now, quickly realising that it was quite an enchanting sight to see Ominis confidently put others in their place and when Phineas ended up agreeing to his request, she simply taunted him as he passed her. Ominis reached the end of the staircase, shortly after the Headmaster had disappeared and Alice quickly grabbed his shoulders—a silent show of how he had impressed her and Ominis smiled, rolling his eyes. “So, how long have you been keeping tabs on the Headmaster?”

“For a while now, his name popped up on a mission I completed a couple of months ago. Did a little digging and well—let’s just say, the Headmaster’s got quite a bit of dirty laundry.” 

“You don’t say? Although it doesn’t surprise me,” Alice said, moving out of Ominis’ way and she hummed nervously at the idea of him knowing far too much, a skill he had acquired over time—and became quite proficient at. It made Ominis very dangerous, which in turn, made him vastly more attractive. “I’m curious, have you done any digging on me?” 

Ominis smile grew as they headed towards the DADA tower. He wasn’t exactly sure how much he should spill to Alice, not wishing to make things weird—considering that he had only done it when she had left after graduation. And although it was purely to keep an eye on her, simply to make sure she wouldn’t do anything foolish, perhaps it was just his way of providing her the support—she didn’t believe she needed. “I can neither confirm or deny that question—”

“So in other news, you did? Why—was there a time when you thought I was up to no good?” 

“Perhaps, I just simply wished to know where you were at all times, Alice?” Ominis said, holding open the door for her and making his teasing clear, but Alice grew flustered regardless and when she trudged past him—Ominis just enjoyed listening to her grumble under her breath, before he nudged her up the stairs. “Truthfully, I was just afraid you might have gotten yourself mixed up in something dangerous. It did always follow you—danger, that is.”

Alice stifled a laugh and stomped up the stairs, just loud enough that Ominis could think it had hurt her feelings and yet, he was much too smart for that and so he simply nudged her to move faster. It appeared that the DADA tower still harboured the most students and when she realised most of the attention was drawn to Ominis—she smiled and turned to him. “While I shall ignore the fact that you kept tabs on me, I must warn you that we’re being watched.” 

“Shall we hold hands? Make them jealous?” 

“Merlin’s beard, Ominis…they are children? Why on earth would we do that?” Alice said, clearly focused on the fact that having the students watching them, would make it harder for them to slip into the Undercroft. Whereas Ominis just wished to use it as an excuse to hold her hand and so Alice rolled her eyes as she tapped her fingers against her arm, now leaning against the rhinoceros skeleton. “Besides, I was referring to us not being alone…which means our secret passage—might not stay secret for very long.”

Ominis moved towards her and instinctively reached out to place a hand against her shoulder, before he gave it a light squeeze. He was a little amused by the way Alice had subtly called the Undercroft their secret and although he wished to correct her, perhaps she wasn’t exactly wrong. It had once been a place that they shared in private, somewhere to escape to—when everywhere else felt too constricting and yet, after Sebastian was sent away, neither of them had actually set foot back inside. The Undercroft had simply become yet another forgotten memory, something they had both collectively decided to erase from their past and now it felt almost wrong to disturb it. 

“Should I cause some sort of distraction?” Ominis asked, suddenly retreating his hand away from her shoulder at the faint noises of students stumbling down the stairs and Alice laughed softly and glanced around. It wasn’t a bad idea, but then it set in and she realised that meant she would have to enter the Undercroft alone—and so she quickly reached for his coat. “Only to keep them busy, I won’t leave you.” 

“I just don’t want to go in alone, Ominis. Perhaps, we just do what we’ve come here to do and then just charm the door shut forever? Hex it, if we must?”  

Ominis hummed curiously and reached his hand forward, as if he wanted her to take it. Alice seemed to take this as his way of agreeing to her request and she gladly reached out and took it, squeezing it softly—to show it meant a lot to her. And although, just like before, where her touch left a tingling sensation on his skin, Ominis focused past that—now more on just wanting to be there for her. “Then, let’s get this over with. I think we’ve lingered, long enough, don’t you?” 

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Alice didn’t know what she was expecting. Perhaps, she had envisioned that the Undercroft would have felt eerie, or even sombre—but instead, it felt overwhelmingly like home. And not in the way Hogwarts felt, as if you had just returned to a place filled with a mixture of emotions, glued together by those you encountered here—but almost like the feeling you got when you stepped into your childhood bedroom. It was as if Alice had stepped into a dream, nothing had changed and yet, everything was wrong. The place had never been a place of comfort or warmth, discarded secretly in the depths of the school, hidden from those not deemed worthy of it—but it was theirs. 

The Undercroft didn’t need to be filled with light or the fresh breeze of spring, no it needed to be a place of security—an escape from the world, its people, its burdens. And it was for a time. In their fifth-year, it had been just that and the memories they had all shared together there—would forever be etched into its walls. But eventually, even good memories can be distorted, forced to change and when you find yourself barely able to remember them—perhaps, it was time to let them go. Naturally finding her arm snake desperately around Ominis’, as if she didn’t want to risk being left alone, Alice welcomed how quickly he understood her reaction and he never hesitated in those moments to support her. 

“It just feels wrong…being here,” Alice said, finally speaking up and she shuddered at how quickly her voice echoed off the walls and returned to where they stood, her gaze fixated on the discarded Triptych and her jaw tensed, when she looked away. The pain from this place had now slowly begun to slither up her spine and she hated it, so she turned her focus to counting the taps—she was now leaving against Ominis’ arm. “It’s almost as if we don’t belong here anymore.” 

“It does have that ‘tainted’ feeling now, doesn’t it? I suppose it just feels more intense, due to the reasons why we’re here.” 

Alice hummed in response and stumbled when Ominis stepped further into the room. Truthfully, she had no desire to be back here, let alone discover what Sebastian had left them and for the first time—Alice wondered if she was going to be brave enough to continue down this path. “Do you have any idea on what he might have left for us?” 

“Knowing Sebastian, it could be anything,” Ominis said, his wand twisting slowly within his grasp and so Alice returned her focus to the room, to the shadows and she attempted to picture what Sebastian would have wanted them to find. It had to be something he had deemed meaningful, at least to him—but Alice felt herself almost too distracted and so she hummed curiously. “But I do wonder how he managed—” 

“Thinking logically about it, there’s only one thing it could be.” 

Ominis felt Alice shift against him, her arm tensing and un-tensing in a matter of moments, before she finally let him go. It was more than obvious that she didn’t actually want to, quickly stepping back to reach for his hand again, but this time—Alice hummed nervously, before she dragged him into the middle of the room. “Logically speaking…it could be more than one thing. It could be a book, photos…a letter. Do you think it could be a letter?”  

“I mean it makes the most sense, right?” Alice said, pulling out her wand as she turned to him. She had no idea what to expect, her thoughts piling in on her, as if she had opened a gate—which had simply held everything locked away and Alice was suddenly afraid of what they might discover, despite almost feeling desperate to find it. “Though, I can’t imagine an escaped prisoner would go unnoticed, walking about the castle—would he even be foolish enough to risk that?”

“Alice…perhaps, he left it before he was removed from the school grounds—” 

But before he could even finish his sentence, Alice gasped and the noise alone made Ominis go silent. It was the sort of gasp someone had when they had forgotten to take a breath and all of the air felt stuck in their throat, and Alice stumbled backwards—almost tripping over her own feet. She hadn’t thought much about the cruelty of Sebastian, knowing already too much of what he had done—simply to escape Azkaban, but perhaps this was the cruellest thing. Alice couldn’t comprehend what was the need to rehash old wounds and yet, Sebastian had been ready to do it regardless—and her stomach twisted at the thought, the feeling swiftly reaching to attach itself to her heart. 

Alice hesitated at first, with her wand raised high and yet, she couldn’t hide the shakiness in her hold. It felt like she had been slapped across the face now, perhaps always knowing of the place, Sebastian would choose to hide something as important as a letter—but despite the sudden revelation, her wand moved freely on its own and she swiftly casted Revelio. Eventually after several attempts at the charm and ignoring Ominis’ questions of what she might have been looking for, Alice locked eyes with a mirror and a new memory consumed her vision. She didn't need to look very hard, or angle herself in any particularly strange way, as it seemed that the old version of Sebastian—one she hoped, was still in there somewhere, hadn’t tried very hard to hide it and yet, it still seemed to have been forgotten.   

The letter was torn when Alice found it, tucked harshly between the wall and the mirror, that Sebastian once sat her in front of as he braided her hair. He was never really good at it, missing strands and always giving up before he reached the end, but he tried and that meant more than he ever knew. She didn’t know what to expect, perhaps feeling rather afraid now of what he had envisioned she would have wanted to find, but Alice was most certainly not prepared for parchment stained with tears. Her hands grew shakier at this point before she had even read it. Sebastian’s hand writing had been scribbled across the paper, messy, as if he was in a rush and it was only then, that she could no longer hide her tears, that now re-stained the parchment. 

Slowly unfolding it completely, the letter had been a note from the day he was taken away and it was addressed to her. 

My Kindred Spirit, I’m scared, Alice. Can you believe it? Me? Scared. And yet, here I am, actually scared of what lies in store for me, scared of losing you forever. Please tell me I haven’t? Perhaps, that is cruel of me, desperately grasping at whatever love still consumes your heart for me. But, I never wanted to hurt you, that much is certain. I never wanted to hurt anybody.  I thought I was doing the right thing. Everything just got a little messy. I can’t breathe properly anymore, as if it has been stolen from me and I find myself frustrated by the dust that surrounds me. Unless it has nothing to do with the dust and more so, for the anger and sadness, that is consumed by this place. I hate it now.  I was tempted to run. To where? Anywhere really, but that would have made things worse. Alice, truthfully, I must thank you. Not for this, but for showing me a love I never deserved and for giving me something to find strength in, when eventually everything fell to pieces. It wasn’t fair to you and yet, you tried so hard to save me. How can I say goodbye to you? I don’t want to, I don’t want to forget you, forget everything. I read that’s what happens, your memories are the first to go…I don’t want to lose my memories of you.  Please believe me when I said that I never intended to hurt you, to hurt anyone. I was just trying my best…and perhaps foolishly, I thought I was stronger. But now, the thought of being away from you, without your laughter, your touch, is unbearable and I’m scared. I’m really scared.  I hope that one day, you can find it in you to forgive me. I hope that time heals your vision of me and you only remember the boy, who loved you, who still loves you. I don’t deserve it, but I would like nothing more, than the one thing I have no right to ask for and I just need you to understand, that all I wish I could do, was turn back time.  I can hear them now, questioning Ominis, so I must go. But just know, even if they strip me of everything, I will fight with every last fibre of my being, to keep my memories of you. For if I can’t have you, our memories will take your place and bring me comfort, no matter what happens. I’m sorry, Alice and I love you. I am forever yours.  With all the love in my heart, Sebastian  

Alice’s breath had been stolen from her, ripped out even. She had barely managed to read the letter aloud, before she almost crumbled to the ground—Ominis catching her with ease, as he supported her to the floor. It had been so long, since she cried as hard as she did, the feeling of the air in her lungs disappearing along with her sight. Everything grew blurry, before the imagery of the Undercroft, morphed into something unrecognisable and slowly her tears grew hot—as if they were slicing away at her skin. She felt every emotion then, pain, anger, sadness, it was like his words elicited every little part of her to go into overdrive and Alice was no longer sure how to feel. 

Ominis couldn’t do much, but hold her. It wasn’t his place to say anything, perhaps feeling rather confused by it all and so he simply did the only thing he could do in a moment such as this—he tightened his hold on her and let her scream it out. To him, it had now truly felt like they had stepped back into a memory, but to him this was as if they had returned to their sixth-year and he had returned to supporting Alice through her breakdowns. But to her, it felt as if she had fallen into multiple memories, each one clawing at her to remember—to suffer through and Alice just wished it to stop, she wanted everything to stop. 

Eventually, the pain settled beneath her skin, scratching its way deep and towards her heart and so Alice barely even reacted when Ominis lifted her face—as if his touch wasn’t actually real. He must have been concerned, his mouth moving rapidly, while his fingers spread effortlessly against her cheeks and into her hair—and yet, Alice could no longer hear anything. She had turned off everything and when she slowly moved to stand, pushing away Ominis’ hands and refusing to acknowledge the fact he was trying to speak to her—Alice slowly stumbled towards the Undercroft's exit, before Ominis grabbed her arm. 

“Alice, speak to me?” Ominis asked, his voice almost too professional and when he realised that she had cringed at his tone, he swallowed softly and stepped towards her. Ominis could see that the letter had been too much and yet, it seemed that it needed to happen—as if it was a cruel way for Sebastian to get closure and without Alice’s help, they would have never found it in the first place. “Where are you going?” 

“Let. Go. Of. Me.” 

Ominis’ hand tensed, at how emotionless Alice sounded, despite the tears still clouding her vision. He was more than aware of the pain she would have been feeling, but she couldn’t just give up now—he needed her just as much as she needed him and perhaps, now Ominis realised that he might have pushed her too far. “Alice, I don’t think it’s wise for me to leave you alone right now.” 

“And so, what, Ominis? Are you going to stop me?” Alice asked, turning around at this point, so that Ominis’ hand twisted roughly against her arm and so he swiftly loosened it, not wanting to hurt her. Truthfully she wasn’t mad at him, nor was she really mad at anyone, but it was the easiest emotion to fall onto and so she did. “I just need some space, alright? Can’t you give me that?” 

“I just don’t think—it’s wise.”

Alice scoffed and pulled herself free, before she gripped her wand so tightly that her knuckles grew white. She understood why he didn’t want to leave her alone, perhaps worried that she would run off to find Sebastian alone—to join him and so Alice slowly placed her wand away, returning her focus to the exit once again. “Do not fret, Ominis. I don’t plan to do anything foolish —apart from drinking myself into the morning, so just leave me be.” 

“One would say that is foolish, Alice and not the way to deal with your emotions,” Ominis said, stepping towards her and for a second Alice had forgotten that Ominis was much larger than she was in height and as he looked down at her—all she could do was exhale and push him away. But he didn’t budge, purposely keeping himself in her space, so that she remembered she wasn’t alone. “Let me take you home, I can even stay if you need it.”

“I want to go for a drink, Ominis. Besides, Garreth is in Hogsmeade, correct? Let’s pay him a visit too—I’m sure he’d drink with me.”

And as if she wanted to have the last say, or perhaps she just desperately wanted to leave this place, Alice turned around and headed for the door—this time followed by Ominis, who simply hummed in displeasure as he made sure not to lose sight of her. 

•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•

The Three Broomsticks was bustling even before the duo arrived, but it wasn’t until Alice acknowledged Sirona—who still owned and worked the place itself, that Alice refused to pay attention to the warnings of Ominis and ordered several glasses of firewhiskey. It didn’t take long for Alice to get drunk. She had purposely gone out of her way, to have more than her fair share of alcohol, before she drunkenly requested more—even going as far as shouting the other patrons a mug, for well wishes. But, eventually it got to a point that Ominis had to step in, holding back for the most part—simply to keep her from doing anything stupid, but now, he couldn’t stop himself and he quickly scooped up a sulky Alice, chucking her over his shoulder. 

“P-put me down, O-Ominis,” Alice said, slurring her words and yet, Ominis simply ignored her, continuing to take her upstairs into the only vacant room in the inn. He wasn’t exactly upset with her, knowing full well of the situation they were in—but, Ominis couldn’t help but feel almost frustrated by her disregard for her safety and he exhaled softly as he pushed open the door. “O-Oh no, Ominis—one bed-d? Do you mind sharing it with me-e?” 

“You can take the bed, I’ll find another place to sleep.” 

Ominis’ eyebrows furrowed, when Alice had spun in his arms to look at the room, but it wasn’t until she turned back to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck, that he swallowed hard and tried to look away—the lingering touch of her hot breath against his skin, almost driving him crazy now. “I don’t want to sleep alone, O-Ominis. Can’t you stay?”

“You know that’s not a good…idea, Alice,” Ominis said, though a part of him desperately wished to accept and do nothing more than hold her against him, but she was drunk and he was a gentleman—he had to be a gentleman. Slowly making his way towards the bed and awkwardly plopping Alice against it, Ominis was about to step back, when she reached out and gripped his coat. “I promise I won’t be far away, but I must not stay here…you know that.” 

“A-And what if I pretend I don’t? What if we j-just give into it Ominis? I know you want to.”

Ominis felt his whole body tense, but it seemed that whatever she had planned had completely taken him by surprise and when she slowly supported herself up—using the grip she had on his coat, Ominis could barely register her movements, until her hand was against the back of his neck. “Alice…? What do you think you’re do—”

But before he could finish his sentence, Alice kissed him. It was a soft kiss at first, with the hand on his neck, locking him into place—and yet, eventually Ominis’ arms subconsciously snaked around her body and he deepened it. He had dreamed of this moment for a long time now, for the moment that she would realise that he was right here—waiting for her. But no sooner did he deepen the kiss, despite feeling almost desperate for her lips against his, Ominis didn’t want it like this. He didn’t want Alice to be so intoxicated, filled with the pain that came with an ex lover—that he automatically became the rebound and yet, it seemed that title fit him best. 

Trying to push her away, the taste of firewhiskey now lingering against his skin, Alice whined softly and gave up, her fists still twisted harshly into his coat. She didn’t regret kissing Ominis and was sure she wasn’t going to regret it tomorrow, but even Alice knew she had overstepped the boundaries of their partnership and yet, she didn’t care. Gently pulling at Ominis to move closer, or perhaps to simply sit down beside her, Ominis only agreed because he knew—she would be too stubborn to give up and so he did and she hummed happily leaning into him. 

“I d-don’t regret it, you know—that kiss,” Alice said, her words a lot more slurred than before and it was clear that sleep was slowly pulling away at her and when she yawned softly—Ominis chuckled and patted her knee, the reaction alone, making Alice look up at him almost too warmly. “P-perhaps, I always wanted t-to do it. But I was afraid to.”

“You’re drunk, Alice. Stop talking, before you say something you regret.” 

Alice hummed softly and pulled away from him. She couldn’t quite figure Ominis out, knowing that deep down, he still had feelings for her and yet, here he was not wanting a single bar of her and so she pouted and reached for his face—pulling him to look at her as he smiled. “I-I may be a little drunk. But, t-that doesn’t mean I don’t see the way you act around me. You want to kiss me again, don’t you?”

“Right now, this conversation is void, Alice, simply because you’re drunk,” Ominis said, standing up slowly, just enough so that she didn’t fall over completely from the lack of him and before she could whine or complain about it—Ominis chuckled softly and knelt down to support Alice with taking off her boots. “I want you to kiss me, because you want to kiss me. Not because you’re drunk and upset over something you can’t control.” 

“B-But I do want to kiss you, O-Ominis.” 

Ominis hummed this time and his smile grew. He didn’t exactly know what she was thinking, apart from the idea that she desperately wanted to kiss him—but Ominis, didn’t want it to be like this and so he knew he had to be the one to stop it. Except, that is so much easier said than done. “I think it’s time for you to sleep, otherwise—you’re going to have a very sore head tomorrow.” 

“You’re being too m-modest, Ominis…and here I was, hoping you’d get too excited and continue to k-kiss me,” Alice slurred her words, grumbling softly as Ominis supported her into the bed and although it seemed like he was going to lean down and kiss her—Alice couldn’t help but to feel a little disappointed when he didn’t. “B-But, I suppose it’s just another one of your ploys, into pretending you don’t love me. I u-understand.”

“You don’t understand anything, Alice. But, it is not the time for it—or place, for that matter. So, go to sleep.” 

Ominis' smile grew softer when Alice grumbled, attempting to push away his hands, which had now moved the blanket up to cover her. But it wasn’t until she felt herself suddenly grow incredibly tired, perhaps due to draining every little part of her today, that Alice gently laced her fingers with his—before slowly pulling his hand to her lips. “I-I can promise you o-one thing, Ominis. I wanted t-to kiss you. Not because I’m d-drunk or sad, but because I wanted to.”

“Alice,” Ominis said, his voice practically a whisper now and yet, despite desperately wanting to continue his thoughts, or perhaps just simply lean down and kiss her over and over again—Ominis quickly noticed the change in her heartbeat and the soft noises, she had begun to make and he exhaled softly, a little defeated. Truthfully, it was for the best, but why did he feel so disappointed by it? “...sweet dreams.”

Slowly standing up and making sure not to disturb Alice, Ominis made his way downstairs. He was now more confused than he had ever been before, realising that it was the first time Alice had ever initiated something between them and he suddenly frowned—when he recalled Sebastian’s letter. He wasn’t stupid and he knew Alice had reacted the way she did because she was hurting, but why did it still feel so complicated—as if there was something there, that meant he had a shot. Ominis chuckled softly under his breath, almost desperately wishing for the thoughts in his head to stop and so he sat down at the bar and ordered another drink. 

He was more than aware of the love Alice still had for Sebastian, but perhaps, she was slowly opening herself up to the idea of also having room in her heart for another—and he so desperately wished to be the one who filled it. But would Alice allow herself the chance at happiness, despite the guilt she felt, it was hard to say—but Ominis was ready to be the one to push her in that direction, even if he wasn’t the one that eventually captured her heart. 

[noonewilleverknowistealkneecaps]

Hey, I've been following your Soviet Holmes art for a few… months? I don't know. Anyway, just wanted to say that I absolutely love the way you do this. I love this show and your art is like a breath of fresh air about these old show. Thank you for lighting up this part of Tumblr with your art, this adaptation doesn't have that many followers and fans, but I'm absolutely happy we have you ❤️

And i’m afraid i didn’t answer for a few months as well - for that im sorry. but! Oh wow, i didn’t realise I’ve been sharing holmes art for so long, thats cool, and you’re cool for this interest methinks🫵.

Im boutta jump around my room, jolly manner, for many of you are sharing the same braincell with me. I’m 100% yes for bringing something new to old shows: new perspectives, theories, lgbt takes or whatnot (that it lacks tbh, especially soviet media). It so exciting!! i mean!! showing well known narratives and characters from other sides and bringing (hopefully warm) nostalgia to those who love them old movies as much as you do.

Not no mention that soviet Holmes movie is one of THE classics in ussr cinema, it is shown every new year on tv after all. And with all that, i’m furious that it doesn’t appear to have much fanart or fanfics (as a mainstream!!). And with this treatment, imagine all the “coded” russian literature and other shows, man they are so untouched. Looking at russian etc., artists meaningfully for not having a cult of soviet johnlock already bc IT’SRIGHT THERE PEOPLE, BREAK FREE FROM CENSORSHIP AT ONCE, BE FREE, BE PROUD, SHARE, EXPLORE, RECYCLE.

My point is, i really want soviet media and old movies in general to see the light of the sun again, be explored in such tasty, tasty ways. I want to savour them ravishing contexts. Let us fester on our nostalgia. I know, for now i share some pretty straightforward and rather shallow interpretations, for now its just “lol, gay dads, adorable” but theres so much more deeper things in my brain(it is there!! I promise!!!) id like to share sometime soon.

Iuhhhhhhh, sorry, back to the message im answering to! THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOR TEXTING THIS AND TRANSPORTING THESE KIND WORDS TO ME BRAIN, MEANS THE WORLD AND BOOSTS MY INSPIRATION A TON!!!! I actually wanted to have asks for so long, its great to finally communicate with fans of my fav stuff, bc comments dont seem to be in favour on this app.

Anyway, you made me too emotional and you know too much now, let me eat you at once, dear commenter

[lazaruspiss]

DC Pride 2022

wee! i don't remember liking this one as much, but we'll see.

the foreword is very sweet, i'm endeared by it. The first story though... not so much.

"Pride's been a party for decades" - Jon Kent

Gay marriage in the United States was legalized in 2015. This story came out only 7 years after same-sex couples were legally recognized nationwide. We have also been actively dealing with anti-lgbtq legislation for a while now. It's some head in the sand bullshit.

I have strong and complicated feelings about this story. First off, I wonder how much say authors get in which character they're in charge of? Could they just not find any queer writers who knew who Jon was? This is probably the worst story I've ever seen from Devin Grayson, it's just so weirdly and blatantly tone deaf. I saw some people critique her portrayal of Damian on a racial basis when this first came out, but honestly I think it could be chalked up to that he was raised by assassins, I don't think it's an immediate racism-red flag if he's characterized a little too violently. He also very quickly shifts gears to telling Jon his dad would be proud of him, and caring about him in his own Damian way. I'm more hung up on how it's... Some of these stories are lighthearted and don't touch on oppression, but this story actively dismisses the idea of oppression. It almost feels sarcastic, a part of me yells that it's mocking Jon's shallow worldview, but that doesn't really make sense. It's weird. Damian is written off as strange and paranoid, and Jon is meant to be the main character, but it's Damian's perspective that I'm able to most relate to it through. This is also just a weird story for Devin Grayson to be writing. She thrives the most in angst/tragedy/drama, not... whatever that was.

Second of all, I can never get past Jon/Jay. Jay seems to be a queer asian character that was introduced by, as far as I'm aware, a white cishet author, and was introduced through a three page school shooting which was used solely as a plot device to make Jon look #badass. Every time Jay comes up, all I can think about is Tom Taylor's hack work and that damn school shooter introduction. Congrats to anyone who can get over that, but I cannot.

i'm too unfamiliar with the characters to properly enjoy it, but i do love the recognition for the absolute gayness that is wrestling.

i do have a soft spot for the queer stories that touch on the complexity of parent-child relationships. hawke's not really hostile but incredibly uncomfortable relationship with ollie hits a specific nerve. a few of the stories in '21 were like that too, where they build onto some specific yet relatable struggles that children and their parents run into. the letter, the metaphors, everything about this one is so sweet. another tear-jerker for me tbh. seeing damian and hawke interact at the end is so cute, and i do kinda wish that the gang from lazarus island could've stuck around and been damian's "ensemble cast" so to speak. ah well. they'll have a groupchat in my heart.

not to be a downer again, but the stories that reference the very real struggles that queer people still face really serve to make the first story feel worse and worse. anyways, god i love alysia. yeah i don't have anything interesting to say, this comic was more action focused which isn't my strong suit, but it's a fun read.

it's nice to see a light-hearted meeting the family scene every once in a while. i'd say this story does a better job than the last one of making me feel for jackson, and gives a bit about his backstory. i don't know how it lines up with the rest of his comics, but it stands alone nicely. it also ventures into feelings of displacement, home, family. i like it.

are noir wlw a thing now. they should be a thing. i think as far as stories that're in direct reference to a different series go, this one manages to not be too confusing when going in blind. the cannibalism could very well be a metaphor, and the story touches on what is pretty specifically a biphobia thing, which is all pretty interesting. im also a sucker for "monochromatic comic gains color at the very end to portray a change for the better" ngl.

they act like ray shunned his bf but like. he gently blocked a kiss and whispered that he didn't want to in front of the team. i get that the message is about internalized shame and all that, but what they call "freak out" i call "gently setting a boundary".

simple, to the point, made me tear up. again.

tim story :/ i like him i swear, he's just been so boring recently. it's simple fluff. there's just none of the insanity or weirdness that made me like tim and bernard in the first place is all.

i absolutely adore the art in this one. are they play fighting to figure out who gets to top? it sounds like they're play fight to see who gets to top. harlivy canon prey roleplay and/or CNC kink? very cute end, if not a bit corny. we now know they're top4top.

both jesse's stories end up feeling more "flash" than "pride", but they're still fun. also holy shit earth-11 dami and jon are SO cute what the hell??? dami w the buns and the sleeveless top and the belt, jon w the headband and the ripped leggings under her shorts, ohhh im so in love. fem klarion is also super cute. i wasnt expecting the masc donnaraven but ill take it.

you know that thing in shows where the single tear rolls down? yeah. it's a must read, really. devastating and healing all the same.

[lorenzobane]

3 and 9 for the ask game?

(The Ask Meme)

3.) What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

Once again, SO SO many, but I'm just going to pick one somewhat at random. Dr. April Will See You Now- the basic premise of this one is that the Federation decides to have key bases shoot a sexy calendar to help boost morale during the war. Guess who Dr. April is? A snippet!

“A rather… erotic work, for something about a fruit,” Garak says as they sit down. 

“Is it?” Bashir says, smiling and looking down coyly at his food. “What about it, from a Cardassian perspective, makes you say that?” 

Garak pretends to be astonished at the question. “My goodness, Doctor, surely you don’t expect me to opine on Cardassian sexuality over my cassoulet.” 

“Sexuality? Certainly not. Sensuality… Perhaps,” Bashir replies, those eyes glimmering at him. Garak wishes he had a set as lovely as those when he was still at an age when a Gul would tell him anything if he could blink pretty. 

“Ever,” Garak starts, fellatiating the spoon to luxuriate in the taste of the Yigrish cream pie between them. “The optimist.” 

The wry look Bashir gives him after that is entirely worth the obviousness. Either way, Bashir continues, “well, it is somewhat sensual from a human perspective, too. I’ve always found the way that artists talk about satiation, of both food and sexuality, to be quite similar which is fascinating. Some ancient cultures even used terms like “sins of the flesh” or “carnal desires” to refer to sexual desire. The desire to devour a partner, I suppose.”

9.) What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?

Actually, in my upcoming chapter of The Family Next Door, Julian and Garak's kids (Ziyal, Tolan, and Mila Bashir) finally learn about their father's involvement in the Obsidian Order.

“Tora Ziyal was a half Bajoran half Cardassian hybrid; she grew up in a labor camp until she met her father, who initially tried to kill her. He let her live, so she was loyal to him. Bastard children are supposed to be killed.”

“Did he kill her in the end?” Mila whispers. 

“No,” Garak says, laughing bitterly and shaking his head. “No, he didn’t. But he should have. The father of a Cardassian bastard should always kill the child, lest it destroys the family.” 

Tolan tilts his head slightly. “Who was your father, Yadik?” 

Garak withholds a proud smile. They are so quick at reading between his lines. It appears he hasn’t failed entirely, after all. 

“Oh,” Garak replies airly, “no one was ever listed on my state’s record. Though Enabran Tain was kind enough to take me in. A child of unmarried parents has no social or political standing, after all. I was rather fortunate, as he so often reminded me. A good Cardassian father always kills his bastards. To be allowed to live at all, and to be allowed to serve Cardassia, was the gift he gave me. He allowed me to be its humble servant.”

He doesn’t add any intonation, careful to keep his cadence light and jovial as he walks his children around the issue. 

“I see,” Ziyal says after a silence. 

[casspurrjoybell-22]

Master - Chapter 53 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

"Master, when you finish beating all the bad guys and this is all over, what do you want to do first?"

I find myself frowning while I try to think of an answer to Kalem's sudden question.

It'd quite literally come out of nowhere.

Not too long ago, we were rutting against one another, sharing each desperate breath before we'd spent ourselves completely. 

I'd thought Kalem had fallen asleep in the exhausted tangle of limb we'd fallen in but apparently not.

"Do you not know?" Kalem asks when I don't immediately answer, his messy head of brown lifting to reveal a small pout that made my heart try to pump again.

"It's okay if you don't know Lincoln. Sometimes questions can be really hard."

My lips spread.

"They can be but I do know what I want to do," I reply as I pull him closer, intertwining our fingers atop my chest so I could have more to him.

"I'm just having trouble finding my words, love. You've sapped me." 

I'd started trying to use Kalem's word of the week with him to help him learn and while I was sure that was part of the reason his pout morphed into a massive grin, it was too proud to be the only reason. 

My boy clearly took pride in draining me.

There was no denying it with the giggles he made against my chest.

"I'm not sorry," Kalem replies, his devious smile growing wider by the second.

I loved these sides to my boy, the mix of sweet and sinful, innocent and wrecked, that somehow converged inside of him.

It was intoxicating.

Shaking my head, I pull my love in for a kiss that has him relaxing against me like wet sand.

The ease of it makes warmth flood my insides, attempting to fill me with the light he carried so freely within him and shared so graciously with me. 

"When this is all over and our enemies are no more," I whisper against his lips.

"I plan to show you the world, love."

Kalem frowns a little, his head tipping as if he'd never even considered such a thing while such thoughts were what kept me going.

During the lengthy excursions we made to weaken Diablos, where I could only think of returning to my love, I filled my mind with all the ways we'd enjoy the fruits of our labour in the future.

I wanted to show him everything and be there to see his reactions to it all.

How would Kalem react to having a monkey on his shoulder?

Would he burn with excitement and love or be too terrified to move? 

I couldn't wait to see the first time he would see rain, I knew he'd love the open pour from within my arms. 

I imagined the rainforests of South America would take his breath away, as would the unruly cold of Iceland in the winter months.

And what of a trip at sea, would my love be prone to seasickness?

That was only within our realm, there were treasures beyond it that I couldn't wait to show with him, knowing he'd love them all.

"I'd enjoy showing you the better parts of this world," I continue as I run my free hand through his hair, pushing it back so I can see all of him.

"You've seen so much of the worst, too much. I want to offer you a different perspective."

Kalem's lips quickly spread into an excitable smile as he wiggles above me, interest sparking behind his hazel eyes. 

"What kinds of things would you show me, Master?"

How could someone say everything in their mind, all at once?

"You'd probably try to pop up and touch the Northern Lights, so that should be our first stop," I declare, the idea already setting sail in my mind with just that statement. 

"What's so special about the Northern Lights?" Kalem challenges, his chin raising just a little.

"I never try to pop and touch the lights at home."

"Not anymore, no," my subtle tease makes Kalem's cheeks burn bright before he tries to burrow into my arm.

Chuckling, I pull him free with some effort.

"The Northern Lights are one of this world's most stunning, natural beauties. No words I could ever use to describe it could do it justice." 

Kalem's eyes sparkle with interest.

"I promise you will love it."

"What else?" he spurs, his excitement rushing to take flight now.

"From there, I'd have to take you somewhere with a lot of sunshine. You'd probably never want to leave the ocean if we went to one of the many beautiful islands of the Caribbean or the Pacific."

"But the ocean is water," Kalem points out with a sudden frown.

"You hate lots of water."

I can't help my grimace.

The truth was that I'd never enjoyed large bodies of water for personal reasons.

It did nothing for me but sour my mood but Kalem had convinced himself at some point that I didn't like water because the Elf loved it. 

Apparently, 'The Curtain Rod' loved the water, especially river water, which only explained why he was so horrid to me.

It made sense that such a disgusting creature would love water in such a fashion.

However, Kalem thought it was the only thing standing between me and the elf being friends.Blatant nonsense.

"That is true but I love you more and making you happy is the greatest gift to me," I reply while I let my fingers trail down to Kalem's cheek.

He immediately leans into it, his eyes falling shut as he presses a kiss to my palm.

"So when this is all over, we'll see the world together, love. Every inch of it, even the parts with lots of water."

"Okay," Kalem mumbles against me, his heart hammering hard.

"I'll be happy with making messes all day..."

I can't help my snort. "

And I didn't know if I would enjoy these special Northern Lights or all those islands but I really love you Master and I know I'll love seeing anything new once you're there with me."

My heart fills with futile notions of beating again as Kalem's words wrap around me, holding me close with all the affection he so happily doused me in.

My voice is slightly hoarse when I reply.

"I can not wait, my love."

The pull of Lyrra forces me to return to the present, to this painful, warped reality that had somehow become my own. 

I'd hoped it was a nightmare, prayed for it to be false but the sound of vampires readying to fight was familiar and too true to deny.

The poignant scent of blood wafting the air, the screech of sleek armour being adorned, the feel of Lyrra burning bright with vampires braced to follow my every command. 

I knew the signs of war well.

This was real. 

Still, my fingers clench shut, trying to catch the ghostly warmth that had filled them in my memories only to find cold emptiness instead.

The tears try to come but I don't let them fall. 

I'd get him back and once I did, the scar I'd leave on these wretched vermin would be so deep on the earth that no other would dare threaten our peace again.

I would see it so.

[bi-bard]

Come to Your Senses - Will Graham Imagine (Hannibal)

Title: Come to Your Senses

Pairing: Will Graham X Reader

Word Count: 1,080 words

Warning(s): mentions of murder/death/Will's time in the Baltimore asylum

Summary: (Inspired by "Come to Your Senses" from "tick,tick... Boom!"; Season 2) After he's released from Baltimore asylum, (Y/n) begs Will to back away from the hunt to prove Hannibal Lecter was guilty. He refuses, deciding it's for the greater good. If only (Y/n) gave a shit about that.

Author's Note: Did I get this idea while watching Raúl Esparza's performance of this song? Yes. Yes, I did. And I'm really fucking proud of that.

Here's a link to that if you haven't watched it.

Damn, I am very protective over this man.

---------------------------------

Will had become obsessed.

He was already consumed by proving Hannibal had framed him. I believed him the whole time. Will was the man I loved. I knew what he was capable of, and those murders weren't on the list.

When Will came home, I had hope. Hope that we could continue moving forward and allow the F.B.I to handle the case.

It was never that easy.

Jack wanted Will to continue helping build a case against Hannibal. I didn't want him to. If Hannibal was truly the murderer that we all thought he was, then this entire plan put Will in an incredible amount of danger.

I knew it wasn't my place. I had no experience in this field. All I was, was a nervous partner that wanted to protect my boyfriend.

"Will," I said softly.

We were laying together in bed. A brief moment of calm. A moment of calm that I had to drag Will to. He let me run one hand through his hair while my other hand held onto his. He looked at me, being the only sign that had heard me.

"Are you... Are you really going to work the Hannibal case," I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "This is important."

I sighed, "I know-"

"You keep asking about that," he cut me off, rolling onto his back. "This is my job."

"A job that almost put you on trial for murder," I said.

I wasn't expecting him to be angry. I had only mentioned it once before. When he first got back, I begged him to not work with Jack again. To take time to actually heal after everything that had happened.

"Will, you have been mistreated by almost everyone around you and I don't want to watch you get used again," I explained. "I... I'm scared that you've become obsessed."

"'Obsessed,'" Will scoffed.

"With Hannibal," I added. "Catching him. And... I... I can't watch what could happen."

"(Y/n)," he ran his hands over his face.

"Sorry for worrying that you're hunting a damn serial killer that makes dinner parties out of his victims," I muttered. "I just... I need you to try and see this from my perspective. Please. I'm... I'm worried about you."

"I'm doing the right thing-"

"You can't light yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm."

He glared at me, "You have no experience in this field. You have no history working in psychology. Stay out of my work. You don't understand the threat Hannibal poses. You are not intelligent enough to tell me what would be good for me. Stay out of my business."

I shrunk back a little bit.

"I'm... I'm sorry," I said. "I just want to keep you safe-"

"I am trying to catch a killer."

"I know that," I snapped. "I am watching you get stuck in tunnel-vision of catching him. And that is going to kill in one way or another. We're together, Will. It's part of my responsibility to try and help-"

"Well, stop helping!"

I took a deep breath and stood up. This wasn't getting anywhere.

I pulled on my shoes.

"Where are you going," he asked.

"Anywhere else for a little bit," I muttered. "I... I just... I want to help and you won't even hear me at all. There's a wall. You are completely disconnected."

"(Y/n)-"

"Stop," I said. "Just... I am not having a fight about this. I'm not."

I walked out of the room and out the front door. It wasn't until I got to the front steps that I realized I didn't have my keys. I closed my eyes. I was too stubborn to go inside and grab them.

I sat on the front steps and pinched the bridge of my nose as I let a few tears fall. For fuck's sake.

I sat on those steps and cried like an absolute idiot for God knows how long. I couldn't tell if I was wrong or if I was just wasting my time. I wanted to feel like I was trying to help, but maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was just overstepping like Will said. Maybe I didn't understand the pressure of what was happening. I just didn't know anymore.

How the hell had I ended up here?

I didn't react when I finally heard the front door open.

"You're still here," he noted.

I wiped my eyes before replying, "My keys are inside. I didn't have a lot of choices."

Will stepped forward and sat next to me. I turned my head away from him. My arms rested on my knees and my head rested on my arms. I tried to stop my shoulders from shaking from my crying. I felt a jacket lay over my shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he said after a while.

I let out a breath, "I know-"

"No," he stopped me. "You wanted me to be safe, and I dismissed you."

I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I would step away, but I can't. Jack wouldn't let me if I wanted to."

I turned my head to look at him.

"I still shouldn't have treated you like that," he continued. "I... I want to hear you out. Not hide things from you. I understand if you want to leave. You don't deserve to be stuck in this."

I sat up straight again, "Will... I... I wouldn't have stayed in town after you got arrested if I didn't want to be by your side."

His eyes darted from me to the yard. I was used to that. He usually did that.

"I just don't want you to get hurt," I mumbled.

"I know," he replied.

"But I'm not going to leave."

"Why?"

"Because I love you," I said.

Will looked me in the eye, "Say that again. Please. I haven't heard you say it in so long."

I grinned, "I love you."

Will leaned over and pecked my lips. It wasn't that it was fast. Just short. He would lean in slow, press a gentle kiss to my lips, and lean out again.

"I love you too," he muttered. "We'll get this sorted. And then, we'll leave. Go live in the mountains somewhere."

I chuckled and scooted closer. Our shoulders touched as we looked out at the field in front of the house.

It was scary.

That wasn't a question. Of course, it was scary.

But it was okay. Because I had him back. That's all that mattered to me.

---------------------------------

Masterlist (Includes links to All Writing Challenges)

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[dizzydancingdreamer]

The Daughter of Aphrodite | Leo Valdez

Hello Lovelies! So I was inspired by my classics class and figured hey, what better than to write about Leo Valdez to make the cravings go away? This is my first Leo fic and I decided to take up a third person perspective because it felt right. It’s really fluffy and I hope you all enjoy! Until next time, all my love!

Description: Leo and y/n have been pining after each other for too long. Her friends help her come up with a plan to get close to him, now she has to cross her fingers that her mother, Aphrodite, doesn’t step in.

Pairing: Leo Valdez x Female!Reader

Warnings: Absolutely none

Word Count: 2.7k

Tags: FLUFF

(Pics not mine but mood board is :) )

Her hands were covered in dirt, a trait most uncommon to a daughter of Aphrodite. Somehow, though, she wore it like a pair of silk evening gloves. Her hair was messy, thrown in a bun atop her head, but every strand that fell around her face seemed as though placed by the gods themselves. Even in chaos she was perfect.

Leo leaned precariously against a two by four, watching the daughters of Aphrodite and Demeter replant the gardens around camp. Well, more like the daughters of Demeter and one daughter of Aphrodite. The rest of the Aphrodite sisters were lounging in the sun, avoiding the mud. He couldn’t help but smile when one of her friends gingerly rubbed some dirt off her face. He could almost hear the girl scold her. Always getting your hands dirty, hun.

“Just talk to her already man.” 

“I have, multiple times. At least a couple times a day.” 

Jason ran a frustrated hand through his hair, watching as his friend watched the girl he loved from a distance. Everyone at the camp knew how Leo felt, everyone except her. She was every bit as pure as she was kind. Not to mention loving, gentle, and patient. She was everything he knew he needed and, even more so, everything he desperately wanted. 

“You know what I mean.”

Leo turned to his best friend, a lazy smile plastered on his face, “I know, man. I will.”

Jason only grumbled before heading off. Leo always said that. Clearly he hadn’t followed through yet. Not that it mattered. No one was exactly raring to go head to head with the boy who could light his entire body on fire. His girl would remain his girl until he could work up the courage to, well, make her his girl. Still, Jason just wanted his friend to be happy. 

Leo watched her for another moment before heading off to do what he was supposed to be doing; fixing the door for the sons of Ares. 

Across the green, musical giggles filled the spaces between the chatter. Her laughs were contagious, the Demeter girls rolling around in the plots they were supposed to be filling with hydrangeas, clutching their stomachs with red faces. The other girls, her sisters, also laughed, just a little more contained. They sipped on pink lemonade, twirling the straws in dainty fingers.

“So you’re telling me,” Arabella, a Demeter daughter with wayward curls, barely contained a chuckle, “you have never been kissed.”

Dawn, one of y/n’s sisters, chimed in with a few of her own runaway giggles, “don’t forget the best part: she’s never been kissed because every time a boy gets close, mother steps in!”

They collapsed again in another fit, filling the camp with some much needed life. She smiled sweetly, cheeks blushed like an angel, giggling right along with them. It was funny after all. She liked making her friends smile, it made her feel warm inside. 

“Is it really true? Every time a boy has gone to kiss you Aphrodite has stepped between it?’

Her voice was pure honey, slow and sugary, “oh yes. One time, right as a boy leaned in, a bolt of lightning struck the ground, right at his feet. I’m not sure what she told Zeus to get him to do it. Mother has her ways, I'm sure.”

“Well,” the giggles died down but the atmosphere remained light, “if you could kiss any boy here, without Aphrodite striking him down that is, who would it be?”

Her eyes widened a touch at the question. One boy immediately swam to her mind but she brushed it away quickly, her smile still neatly in place. She knew for a fact that he wasn’t interested in her like that so there was no reason to offer his name to the group. Regardless, though, her heart still fluttered for a certain son of Hephaestus. 

She coiled a loose strand of hair around her finger, her charm bracelet jingling gently on her wrist, “hmm, I’m not sure.”

Her sisters eyed each other cheekily before peering around the camp. When their gaze landed on precisely who they had been looking for, they giggled a collective hum. 

“How about him, hun? Would you kiss him if you could?” Daisy nodded her glass across the field.

Her eyes wandered with her sister’s gesture, past a couple of younger campers playing a game, to a boy fixing what looked like the door to the Ares cabin. Silly boys, always rough housing. That cabin had to have the window fixed just last week. Her eyes lingered on him a little longer than they should have considering she was trying to convince her sisters that she didn’t like him. Her soft lip pulled between her teeth as he ran a hand through his hair. 

Giggles erupted around her again, pulling her from her daze with heated cheeks, “Leo? He would never kiss me.”

The giggles only increased. Her eyes shifted quickly to the Ares cabin, hoping to Zeus that her group wasn’t causing too much of a scene. She wasn’t so lucky. Her eyes met Leo’s brown ones from across the lawn, her nose instantly burning. She tried to look away, she wanted to. Well, she thought she wanted to, at least, but his eyes held hers in a way that made it impossible to look anywhere else. 

She bit her lip again and he smirked, his lips pulling tight in a way that should be a crime. His skin caught the light like a gem, shining from his labour in the hot sun. When he noticed her eyes, drawing over his face and arms, his grin widened and her heart stuttered dramatically. When he winked at her and went back to work, her heart stopped. 

“Oh, hun,” Arabella’s hand swept under her chin, pulling y/n’s focus from the fire boy, “you’re clueless, aren’t you? Have your sisters taught you nothing? That boy is smitten.”

Sarah Beth, her eldest sister, huffed indulgently, a teasing smile on her rosy lips, “oh we tried, Ara, trust us we did. Sis is helpless. Blame it on mother.”

Y/n whined, the sound like one of Apollo’s harps, “what do I do? I’m cursed!”

Even in her torment she giggled, rubbing her cheek affectionately in Arabella’s palm. Arabella smiled lovingly, an idea sparking as she pulled y/n’s face back up. It was a foolproof one, too. Arabella looked at her wide eyes, watching them dart across the green to the boy she was clearly head over heels for. Yes, it needed more than anything to be foolproof.

Arabella poured a fresh glass of lemonade, taking extra care to mix enough ice with the pink liquid. She plopped a straw in it, stirring it once, twice, three times before shoving it in y/n’s perfectly polished nails. 

Her eyebrows scrunched, a cute confusion laid over her features, “I have lemonade, Bella.”

Arabella had to stop herself from rolling her eyes, “it’s not for you,” her eyes tilted to Leo, “he looks thirsty, hun. I think he wants a drink.”

“I don’t think lemonade is what he’s after,” Sara Beth didn’t look up from her own drink but her cat like grin said it all.

Her sisters had to stifle another wave of giggles as she gingerly passed the lemonade back and forth between her hands, contemplating whether or not to go to him. When she looked over at him for the hundredth time in an hour, she made up her mind. It was now or never.

She stood, much too gracefully for a girl with a heart racing a mile a minute, and took a deep breath, “please, mother, do be nice. He’s a lovely boy. I really like him.”

“Go get him, tiger,” Arabella nudged her gently towards the mechanic, a proud smile on every girl in and around the flowerbeds.

The walk across the green felt like it was never ending and much too short all at the same time. Every step that she took towards his crouched figure she debated downing the liquid herself and then running away. But no, she couldn’t. He was like a magnet, drawing her towards him with ridiculous ease. He didn’t even know he was doing it, that was the worst part. The tips of her ears felt hot, her feet stopping a few feet away from him. Oh, gods, what did she get herself into this time?

Leo’s hands stalled, a flowery scent curling around his face and clinging to his skin. He closed his eyes, breathing in as much of it as he could. That had to be what heaven smelled like, he just knew it. Like chrysanthemums and honeydew. Yes, he knew for certain. He drew another breath. Gods, he couldn’t get enough. 

“Hey, Leo,” her voice went high, her words like unintentional poetry, “whatcha working on there?” 

Why did she say that? She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. So silly, what did it look like he was doing? When she opened them Leo was looking at her, a loose grin on his lips, a glint in his chocolate eyes. Her chest squeezed fervently.

“I’ll give you one guess,” his eyes glanced to the door before landing back on her, peering at her from his seat on the ground.

She scrunched her nose at him, trying not to giggle as he stood to face her, “oh ha ha, very funny.”

Leo laughed easily, a sound less honeyed than her own but still so sweet, “that’s my job. Well, when I’m not picking up after Ares’ sons. Can you believe they split the door in half?”

She glanced up at him, her doe eyes dancing over his tanned skin and black curls, unable to fight the butterflies that bounded inside her chest. He really was something. She held the glass a touch tighter when she breathed in his motor oil and nutmeg scent. She was certain this was what Olympus smelled like, not that she’d ever been.

“Honestly yes, I can,” she met his eyes again, sucking in a small breath when they drew down her body to the drink she had yet to hand over.

His eyes flitted back to hers and darkened a touch, a knowing smirk plastered on his lips, “say, is that for me, cariño?” 

Her cheeks flamed and she knew if she lifted a hand to them they would be hot to the touch. How fitting. 

“Erm,” she stalled, pulling her lip between her teeth once more, her eyes shifted to the grass at her toes, “I thought you might like some lemonade? If not that’s ok! It was silly of me, I’m sorry, I can just-”

Leo’s hand closed around hers, pulling the glass, and by default her, closer to his heady nutmeg chest, “I’d love some, thank you.”

His voice had lost its playful edge, only the soft warmth remained. He lifted the glass to his lips, drawing her hands with his as he took the first sip. She could practically hear her sisters swoon from across the grass. Wow, she’s really doing it isn’t she? Way to go, sis! Her whole body heated this time, her neck to her toes consumed by lapping flames. It was intoxicating.

Leo took the glass from her hands and set it on the step beside him, the taste of strawberries pungent on his lips. When he glanced back at her, he ran his tongue across his lip. The light hit her in a way that was entirely ethereal, clinging to her skin in a way that defied the laws of physics. It was maddening, like standing next to one of the muses themselves. God’s when did this ever happen to someone like him?

“It’s my sister’s recipe,” she fiddled with her fingers, lost with what to do without the glass to hold onto, “I hope you like it.”

He closed the small gap between them even more, pulling her fingers into his. Her heart skyrocketed, his hand was warm and calloused. His fingers fit too perfectly into the spaces between her own. Was it normal to be this breathless?

“It was sweet,” he squeezed his hand in hers, his voice carefree but low.

He slipped his other arm around her waist, thanking the gods for wherever his courage was miraculously stemming from. She practically buzzed in his arms, her melon and flower perfume melting around him. He bit the inside of his cheek. Was it perfume, or was it just her supple skin?

“I like sweet things,” he mused, revelling in the way her eyes widened, catching his innuendo without missing a beat. 

Her mind was stuck on his hand. It was on her back, low on her spine, his fingers lightly tickling up and down. She avoided arching into his fingers. It was heavenly. He was good with his hands and it showed.

Her eyes brushed over him once more, stopping on his lips for a millisecond too long, “she makes muffins too.”

He tightened his arm around her, drawing the daughter of Aphrodite against his chest. Gods, she was soft.

“I don’t want muffins, cariño.”

Now or never, Leo. He leaned his head down, his nose brushing hers sweetly.

Please, mother, let me have this. She tilted her head up, her hands sliding up his chest. 

Leo’s lips found hers at the same time her hands circled his neck. His lips were slow, testing to see if she would kiss him back, as if it was even an option for her not to with the way the flames, his flames, were licking at her skin. How did he do it? She felt like the sun; his lips tasted like fire and recklessness. And strawberries, a bushel of them.

She took his sweet kiss, savoured it, and then slammed her lips back against his, slipping her hands into his raven locks and tugging-- hard. He moaned softly against her sweet lips, giving in to every demand her mouth challenged. How could her lips be sweeter than the lemonade? He clutched her harder against him. 

She pulled back only when her lungs demanded it, leaning her forehead against his heaving chest. She took the staggering lack of lightning as a good sign as a dizzying warmth filled her chest. He pressed his face against her hair, nuzzling against her sweetness lovingly. He had been waiting forever for that and he wasn’t about to let her go just yet.

Her fingers slid back down his chest, curling around his shirt, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you, Leo.”

What? He pulled his head away from her hair, staring into her doe eyes confused. And then he laughed, a full laugh that had his whole chest shaking and hers as well, before drawing his lips back to hers. He tugged her bottom lip between his lip, his hands squeezing her hips fiercely. She’s mad, beautiful but out of her mind. Gods.

“Cariño,” his lips brushed over hers, his words mingling with her breaths, “I kissed you. And trust me, I wanted to. Believe it or not, I don’t owe anything to the Ares’ brothers. You, on the other hand, have all my time at your disposal.”

He didn’t wait for her to answer before closing his lips over hers. There was a lot of lost time he was more than ready to make up for.

Meanwhile, across the green stood Jason, Sarah Beth, and Arabella, their heads close together but their eyes glued to the Ares cabin.

“I’m taking credit for this,” Jason and Arabellas’ voices mingled, proud and in sync.

Their eyes flashed to each other, “no, I did this!”

Sara Beth just giggled lusciously, twirling the straw of her own lemonade in lazy circles.

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[hello-yue-here]

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

[otomeray]

From an ice princess to the warm Queen | Cinderella Phenomenon evermore post #1

(8 Days left before evermore's official release)

Spoilers ahead!!!! SPOILERS AHEADDD TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T PLAYED YET-

Starting off the thread of posts with our main protagonist, our princess, our precious MC:

Lucette Riella Britton ✨

«────────────»

Cinderella Phenomenon Opening (Lucette introduction)

«────────────»

🌟

The song started off with a intense feeling that makes the viewer feel pumped up and ready to fight someone-- JKJK but the song Broken Cinderella implies the kind of princess Lucette is.

▬▬▬

A princess lives in a monochrome world

Broken from the sight through her lonely eyes

It reflects the ocean and stars

But her cry echoes around

The simple loss of love in her heart

Making this whole fairy tale a lie

Within sorrow’s tender embrace,

This was never meant to happen.

▬▬▬

Like how the song said her to be, she was a princess that was suffering in grief for many years. She shut herself out from the world that her mother tried so hard to hide it from her, the world that was full of greys. But when she gets cursed, she is given no choice but to adapt to the life outside of the palace. And once she starts to open up, we get to see her old personality when she was a child. So when we see her as a kind and smiling person, she's never changed. Her warm personality isn't something that was new in her, it was a personality that was deep inside hidden by the manipulation and abuse given to her by her own mother. I've never actually thought that Lucette changed but rather showed her true colours from within. Lucette only became cold and cruel when her Mother forced her ideals upon her and since no one was guiding her to the right path, she was put into the idea that her mother was right about everything she said. Hildyr changed her into becoming the ice princess.

And as we can see from the other routes in the game, Lucette starts to return back to being her true self when she slowly starts to learn how to trust in others once again. The time she spent with the guys makes her open up to the world that's surrounding her and eventually, the ice in her heart melts by the warmth that she could only experience when being with the one she loves.

(Those were some cringy fucking lines)

And now finally, we get to see the real Lucette that's off from the image of being an ice princess in evermore 🥺

🌟

«────────────»

Evermore opening (Lucette introduction)

«────────────»

🌟

The evermore opening has much more lightening and vivid colours. It was so beautiful I couldn't help but feel amazed by the settings for this opening! It went way beyond my expectations!

 ▬▬▬

I used to think that happy ends did not exist

In a world filled with greys and loneliness

Without a purpose, why was I still here?

Then you took my hand and showed me light I couldn't see

Darling~ You filled my empty world with vivid colours

The shadows of my past are gone and I can see more clearly

The stars shine more brightly in the endless night sky

With you here by my side, I can smile

Stay with me forevermore

▬▬▬

Brb I'm crying a river AAAAHHHH

The lyrics are literally in Lucette's perspective and that made me feel more emotional because of this...Lucette has warmed up and she's finally achieving her happily ever after with her true love... AAAAHHHHHHH I'M FEELING EMOTIONAL

Lucette is already open to her personality and is always a precious bby. I am so proud of her character development! The way she dresses now is so pure and the lyrics OMG THEY ARE SO HEART WARMING AND ADORABLE SKSKSSISJSISMSKS

This opening was so soft and beautiful. I'd love to see more of soft Lucette now!!!

🌟

Additional screenshots from both Openings:

«────────────»

Cinderella phenomenon opening

Evermore opening

«────────────»

Lucette is an amazing MC period.

[starlightsearches]

Hi! I'm another anon but I'd love a jeaolous fic from Hux's perspective (If you're up for it of course) 👀

Casual

Hello love! I have this jealous Hux blurb for you; I hope you enjoy!

Requests are open ✨

Armitage Hux x Reader

Warnings: Some language and some angst!

General Hux can practically hear the tension in his jaw, the way it flexes, the grinding of his teeth as he pretends not to notice you—a skill he used to be quite proud of, until now. Now, he thinks it might be clear to everyone on the bridge that he has to fight to keep his eyes away from your station, thinks every stray glance or quiet whisper is a sign that they all know his secret.

This is his own fault. He’s never been good at being casual—no one’s ever expected it of him. But when you sauntered into his office on a night when every part of him felt too tightly wound, when you leaned in close—the smell of your perfume filling his senses—and offered to help him relax, well, how could he have refused? Especially when he had been imagining this same scenario over and over and over again since the first time he saw you. 

He has to be casual with you, because you’re so casual with him, and it makes him second-guess everything. Would it be too much, he wonders, if he brought you caff to one your private meetings? If he kissed you one last time before you left his office? If he sought you out when he was feeling anything that couldn’t be fixed with an encounter in a storage closet? 

He should have fired you before it got this far, would have fired you, if it had been anyone else but you. Now he’s pinned here in his own private hell, unleashing that hell on everyone he comes into contact with and hating himself for it.

A flurry of noise reaches him from your side of the bridge, and he turns to look, even though he knows it will cause him pain. Admiral Roleck is back by your side, whispering some faint praise into your ear, and you smirk, whispering back. It’s more than he can bear.

“Take over the bridge,” he whispers to his second in command, ignoring their look of surprise as he crosses the bridge in a few quick strides. 

“Excuse me, admiral,” he says to Roleck, “I need to speak with the lieutenant, in private.” Everyone on the bridge watches the events unfold, and General Hux can feel their hungry eyes, desperate for a morsel of gossip they can share later over their next meal.

“Of course, general,” Roleck responds, but he rests a casual hand on your shoulder, leaning in once again to speak to you, his eyes still locked on the general, “we’ll speak more later.” Once again, Hux is reminded that casual and exclusive are complete opposites, and he’s forced to wonder exactly why the admiral needs to speak to you about. You give the man a distracted nod, aware of the tension but seemingly ignorant to its source, watching General Hux with questioning eyes as you follow him to his office.

You move in on him as soon as the door closes, as you’re accustomed to do, but it’s different this time—you kiss him gently, carefully, because you know he’s upset, and he lets you because his selfishness outweighs his anger.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” you say when you pull away, too aware that he is not reciprocating your affection. He’s about to do it—ruin everything. You won’t want him after this, and he understands that, but wanting all of you and only getting a part is killing him.

“I can’t do this,” it’s a quick response, a gut reaction, and it tears into you, he can see it. It hurts him to hurt you, but he can’t live like this. Fuck casual. “I need to know if there’s anyone else.”

“General, I-”

“I won’t share you. I can’t. If there’s someone else, then I need to end this.” It’s frightening to speak to you this way, with words that weigh so heavily in the air that separates you from him, but it makes him feel brave too.

Your silence is massive as it floods his office, squeezing all the air out of the room as it fills the space. You think carefully, and Hux watches every movement with terror in his heart as your lips move to form the words that might break him.

“There’s no one else but you,” you whisper, and he can breathe again, his heart filling with pure light. “I only want you, general.” 

Holding you in his arms has never felt like such a gift, and hold you he does, pulling you close to him in a brief and foreign display of weakness. You kiss him again, slow and sweet, and he savors it. He was right before—fuck casual.

[reelwriter19]

Black and Blue

Pairings: Kevin Atwater x Black Reader 

Summary: With all that’s going on in the world, I wanted to explore things from Kevin’s perspective. What’s it like for him and his family, existing on both sides of the spectrum? 

*Title inspired by one of my favorite Chicago PD eps

Attempting to soothe your 4 month pregnant and agitated stomach, you got in your cousin's face, finger pointed, rage on high.

“As much as you want to refute my choice of a life partner, Detective Kevin Atwater is the reason your dumbass isn’t in a jail cell right now...or worse.”

“So now I’m a dumbass?!”

“YES!”

“You don’t think what we’re doing out there is important?! Did you sell out when he put that ring on your finger or was it the day he wrote the down payment check for this bougie ass loft you’re livin’ in?!”

Without hesitation, you smacked Brian across the face, just as Kevin walks in to the front door. Already changed out of his riot gear, he dons his usual black hoodie, dark jeans and combat boots. He holds a beat on locking away his gun, as he’s not quite sure what he’s walking into.

“Baby, you good?”

You and Brian are still staring each other down. You finally break the silence, with gritted teeth.

“Get out of my house.”

Brian slowly backs away from you, being sure to glare disapprovingly at Kevin on his way out. Locking the door behind him, Kevin continues his routine of securing his gun as you walk over to him crying.

You weren’t quite sure if it was the adrenaline from the fight you just had with family, the worry for your husbands safety out on the currently extra dangerous streets or the pregnancy hormones, but all you wanted was Kevin’s hands on your body.

As you reached up to place your arms around his neck, he obliged and pulled you into a passionate kiss. Within seconds, your legs were wrapped around his waist as he carried you up the stairs into the bedroom, slowly lowering you on to the bed. He hovered over you, gently reaching down to kiss the remaining tears away. You removed his hoodie and proceeded to let him know just how glad you were to have him safely home in one piece.

_________

Hours later, the two of you were absently wrapped in sheets. Kevin sat up, his back against the headboard, while you laid across his lap. With one hand intertwined with his, you used the other to trace the solid ridges of his stomach.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?” The deep sound of his voice breaking you out of a trance.

“I don’t want you to be mad at Brian.”

You sit up to turn and fully face him. The look of curiosity and annoyance growing across your brow.

“Kev...the things that he said...what he’s doing out there? You saved him tonight from the possibility of not making it back home and he couldn’t even say ‘thank you’? He’s a disrespectful little...”

“But Y/N, I get it. The way Brian grew up, hell the way we grew up, he was trained to hate people like me. Do you remember how reluctant you were to date me when you found out what I did for a living?”

“Of course. I was pissed cuz you didn’t tell me right away.”

“Exactly, but I didn’t because I wanted to make sure I had you before your opinion of me was tainted by what you thought a Chicago cop was like. Y/N, Brian never had that chance. Sure I’m married to you and by default he’s family, but that deep seeded hatred takes years to undo.”

“True, but you guys in Intelligence…”

Cutting you off with a touch to your cheek.

“We’re a rare breed baby. You know that. Just think of all that nonsense I had to fight off two years ago with Doyle’s people. They’re the majority. They’re the ones who don’t care about Brian’s life and they’re the reason why he was out there looting with that group after others protested peacefully downtown for hours. And you know good and well that if circumstances were different…”

Kevin slightly repositioned himself over you, placing light kisses on your pregnant belly.

“...if you weren’t cooking my beautiful baby girl in this sexy ass oven…”

Smirking as you playfully swatted his hand “Boy! I told you I want a boy…”

He rolled his eyes at you while further pinning you down under him. Unable to move, you gazed upon your husband as he proceeded to have a full on conversation with the child growing in your stomach. Although annoyed at the topic of his current Ted Talk, you truly loved these moments. Being black in this country was hard enough. Adding to that, your choice as a couple to stand with a foot on both sides of the spectrum of black and blue, it was a rare occasion when the love of your life was allowed to put his guard down and just be a man. You came back to reality when he purposely grazed your sensitive skin with his beard.

“Listen baby GIRL...mamas gonna try to act tough when you get out here, but I got your back, ok?

Laughing reluctantly and whining in protest and for him to move… “Stop it! That tickles!”

Kevin relented and moved up, gazing deep into your eyes. The look on his face as if he was ready to put another baby in the oven. You bit your bottom lip. As you each moved in closer for a kiss…there was a sudden urge...

“Great, now I have to pee!”

He burst into laughter as you untangled yourself from his limbs and the sheets and scurried to the bathroom.

“Shut up!”

_________

The next morning, you awoke to a text from Brian.

My bad cuz...I ain’t mean that shit.

Brian was never verbose and you knew him sending just that simple message took a lot. You were about to respond when you heard voices downstairs. You had expected Kevin to be at the District by now. He previously had a routine of waking you up before he left, no matter the hour, but that became less frequent once you got pregnant, deciding to text you his whereabouts instead. His voice ringing in your head now...

“You need to be well rested, Y/N.”

You got up, put some comfortable clothes on and went downstairs. To your surprise Kevin was sitting at the dining room table with his partner Adam and your cousin Brian. It looked like they had been planted in their seats having a heated discussion for hours. You stood in shock and then walked over to the kitchen to make some tea.

Adam was the first to break from the tense meeting, walking over to greet you with a hug and a peck on the cheek after you placed the kettle on the stove.  

“Morning, Y/N, you’re lookin’ beautiful as always.

With a chuckle, “Hey sweetie...you’ve always been such a good liar...I appreciate that.”

“I'm serious girl, you look great. I told Atwater if he acts up…”

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Kevin yelled from the dining room as he approached. He and Ruzek were like brothers. He’d stood by Kevin’s side through it ALL, unwavering in his loyalty, so it was only natural that, as a brother, he also knew which buttons to push to irk him the most.  

Kevin punched him in the arm and Adam reciprocated with a swat to the back of Kevin’s neck. You shook your head and laughed, proceeding with the business of putting the kettle on the stove….this boyish nonsense was routine.

Both deciding there could be no winner in this moment, they finally calmed down. “Man chill out, you’re gonna upset my goddaughter.”

You immediately rolled your eyes and sighed as you grabbed your favorite mug from the cabinet. “Daughter...I see he’s gotten to you too huh?”

You darted a look at Kevin, which he avoided, clearing his throat with a  smirk.

“Adam, are you hungry?”

Walking past the guys into the dining room, you offered an olive branch to your cousin as well, who still sat at the table in deep thought, “Brian, you want anything to eat? I can make some breakfast.” He looked up at you and rose from the table. You were startled by the look of both sorrow and determination in his eyes.

“I’m good cuz.”

He gave you a quick hug and exited the apartment.

You turned to Kevin and Adam for an explanation. “What just happened?”

Kevin spoke up first.

“I called him. He was pissed when he saw Adam here at first but I needed him to get it. I wanted him to understand why I still do this job everyday. That we haven’t sold out. We haven’t abandoned our people, I’m doing this for my people. It’s hard as hell but people like Adam, Intelligence...it’s a family, and we’re doing what we can at least to make this shit a little better.”

“How did he take that?”

Adam retorted, attempting to break the awkwardness, “Well, Brian didn’t try to hit me in the face, so I guess you can say it went alright?”

You snorted. With Adam’s sarcasm and Brian’s temper, you knew that was no small feat.

“Ok man, I’m gonna head out. I’ll catch up with you at the district.” Adam pounded Kevin’s fist and made his way to the door, but not before one last jab. With a wink to you, “Bye baby…”

“Bro! Get the hell out!”

With a mischievous laugh. “What?! I was talking to my goddaughter!”

You couldn’t help but laugh too. “BYE Adam!”

Kevin walked towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your hands rested lightly on his strong arms.

“How many people have you told that we’re having a little girl?”

“Not many...I mean, the people down at the 21st of course…”

Hitting his chest… “Kevin Atwater! We haven’t even officially checked yet! Such a man.”

He tilted your face up to look directly at him. “What’s wrong with me wanting a girl, Y/N? If she’s anything like her beautiful mama, she’ll be strong, graceful…” His words slowing down as he was sure to kiss your face after proclaiming each of the attributes he adored.

“...independent….smart.....beautiful.”

Per usual, you were becoming puddy in his arms. “You said that one already.”

He squeezed you tighter, hoping to stay in this moment a little while longer. Your face buried in his chest, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For trying to make it right with Brian. For reminding me why I chose to stay with you. For reminding me how easy it was to fall in love with you even after I found out you were a cop. I’m proud of you babe.”

No sooner than the two of you became lost in eachother again, the kettle whistled loudly on the stove. Kevin moaned against your lips in protest as you wiggled away from him to take it off the stove.

Trailing right behind you, he smacked your butt and then reached for you. Longing for the comfort of your body to hold flush against his chest. You turned the stove off and allowed him to engulf you in his arms from behind. Your fingers interlocked with his as they rested comfortably on your stomach. You each looked down for a moment at your growing belly.

Neither of you discussed it often, but there was an innate fear of what it meant to birth a black child into this world. Things had changed, yes, but the cases Kevin was exposed to and the systemic racism that still existed, as obvious in more recent events, was enough to make any future parent uneasy.

One day, when Kevin found you deep in your thoughts, he reminded you that he would never let you shoulder that burden alone. You and his unborn daughter were his world. Everyday that he chose to put that badge on, he was doing so with the intention of making the world around you and for generations to come, a little bit better.

“I have to get to work.”

You turned to face him. “I know...just make sure you come back to us.”

With a kiss to your forehead and another placed softly on your lips. 

“Always. I love you.”

[halesshepardn7]

For 2 Years, 8 Weeks, 4 Days: #1, 3, & 15!

OMG thank you for asking! Lets dive in! 1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

So really what inspired me with this fic was wanting an alternate Horizon encounter. From there I was like huh what if I write a story about what Kaidan was up to for the whole 2 years Shepard was dead because its just a giant blank. So it was a small idea that turned into a big idea and I just love how it's coming together right now. 3. What's your favorite line of narration?

This is so difficult because there are so many! I'm not sure if I can pick just one but I was very proud of myself after I wrote this the other day.

A little back story with this scene. Shepard just became a Spectre and is on her way to track down Saren. She meets with Kaidan in the headache room and they talk about when they combined their barriers on Eden Prime and she asks if he felt anything weird when their barriers combined. So they do it again to see what would happen.

She scoots closer so that our knees are touching. She looks into my eyes taking a deep breath before she holds out her hand in front of me, flaring up her biotics forming a blue emulating aura around her skin. My biotics flare up in response to hers. I hold my hand up just inches from hers. We’re both breathing a little heavier in anticipation for what will happen next. Her hand is shaking slightly in front of mine, hesitating for a moment before I look her in the eyes and give her a nod of affirmation. Then she slowly brings her hand to mine and a biotic barrier flickers up around us, blue threads lock and intertwine with each other as the barrier develops, and grows stronger, glowing brighter.

Shepard’s face changes the instant our hands touch; she sucks in a huge breath as our combined energies flow between us, her eyebrows raise up in shock as the flow of emotions rush into our bodies at the same time. I look into her glowing blue eyes and I feel anxiousness flowing into my body. Was she nervous? As we adapt to each other's energies the aura changes, I begin to feel a sense of calmness, mixed with a feeling of fear. What is she afraid of? Her face becomes more guarded. I wonder what she is feeling from me. Am I emitting the same feelings that she is? Is my nervousness making her afraid? I take a few breaths to calm myself down, trying to project a more calming feeling to get her to relax. I study her face, the features of it glowing so beautifully under her blue light. My heart flutters and I feel a heat flush over my cheeks as I smile gently at her.

Her face changes, her eyes widen and she takes in a sharp breath, pulling her hand away and shifting backwards on the floor until she’s back against the wall. Her chest moving rapidly as she tries to catch her breath. Her biotics flicker out against her skin, leaving her sitting in the dim red glow of the room once more. I hear her trembling breath from across the room. I try to catch my breath myself as the overwhelming feeling of emotions still flows through me. That had been the most intense thing I’ve ever felt, I wonder if she’s feeling the same way. 15. What did you learn from writing this fic?

I answered this from a previous ask but basically I learned to be more confident in my writing and I learned that writing in first person, present tense sucks. I learned how to write from a mans perspective, which wasn't as hard as I thought but will some advice from some guys I learned I wasn't far off. I also improved on my writing so much since the first chapter of this story.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

03 - Music Room 3007

Chapters songs:

*Dagger; Slowdive

On The Level; Mac Demarco

F song; Strawberry Guy

^^^ when including * in chapters next to a song, that means it is a song that will be performed in the chapter.

———

— Y.L. Perspective

      "Sunshine girl is sleeping. She falls in dreams alone," sings Toruku in a calming tone into a microphone, along with the strumming of a guitar. "And me, I am her dagger. Too numb to feel her pain."

     "The world is full of noise, yes. I hear it all the time. And me, I am your dagger. You know I am your wound." I join in, adding onto his

      The words we sang were truly upsetting. About a boy, a lover, who is aware he's hurting the girl he loves. I couldn't compare any relationship I'd ever been through to those lyrics.

      Although one had always caught my eye: "I didn't really lose you, I just lost it for a while." It was easy to automatically think of the boy I was duetting with when we covered this; for some time now, Toruku has had small feelings for me.

       One of the things that repelled me from a relationship with him was the idea that it would end horribly, and that it would potentially ruin our relationship.

      Not to mention how much drama that would cause for two other unproblematic teenagers who were only trying to make a living off of their talent: Hikishi and Giki.

      But today wasn't about what would happen between the two of us— today was her day.

     "I thought I heard your whisper, it happens all the time." And with that, the song is brought to an ending, followed by my gaze met with the blonde boy.

       "That was, once again, better than before. But I feel as if it's missing something." He explains, as he removed the wooden instrument from his arm and leaned it against the bean bag he sat in.

       Music room 3007 contained the following: I couple of bean bag seats, a coffee table, a vending machine, almost every instrument in existence in an extra storage room, tools used to record and analyze music, and posters + records we kept throughout the years.

       Truth is, music room 3007 wasn't even really a part of the school anymore. Sure, it was still on maps and the district still paid the electricity, cable, and water bill. But barely any students or teachers paid much attention to it, for it was stuffed behind the gyms, which were two large buildings that would block out any view of the smaller one that stood behind it.

      'I hope Sugawara won't have any problem with finding this place.' I think to myself, as I stand from the chair to turn the camera and microphone off.

      We would set up different amps, microphones, and cameras when recording a cover of a song. This time, it was a basic acoustic from 1993, named 'Dagger' by Slowdive.

     After turning it all off, I plop back onto the cushion. "I think we've don't this quite enough times already, 'Ruku. We should upload it already and get on to the second song. I mean, we've been here a whole hour trying to perfect 'Dagger'." I say, removing my uniform's blazer, and throwing it across the coffee table. Next came my tie, and I unhooked the first two small buttons of my white collared shirt. The music room got hot when so many electronics were in use.

     "Maybe you're right. We should probably get onto another song." He replied, running his hands in the bridge of his nose and down his neck.

      I quickly stand up from my chair and stand behind him, leaning onto his shoulders. "I think you're just tired. Are you sure you wouldn't wanna go home?"

      Toruku runs a hand up my arm, patting my shoulder, then sighs heavily. I couldn't imagine how tired he must be after today. His thoughts must've been wearing him down. "Yes, I'm sure. Besides, I don't wanna leave you all alone."

      "No need, Sugawara will help me get home, remember?" I ask him, followed by a moan of protest. It worried me that Sugawara and Toruku most likely wouldn't get along, especially since both seemed so compatible at first.

      Both his hands leave mine and lay in his lap. "And what's with this Suga guy, Y/n? Is he your buddy?" His voice echoed through the band room, stabbing the back of my brain while I think for an answer that wouldn't sound suspicious. I would say no, but who knew what the future could hold.

"I dunno. But he means no harm! At least I think so.." Tired from squatting, I lift to stand on both feet properly. Toruku slides his hand away from my figure and brings it towards his face. It covers his mouth as he once again sighs. "You seem tired after today, Ruku. Is it because of Moku?"

Hopefully, I hadn't overstepped any boundaries with what I had said. Hopefully, I was remotely correct about why he looked so down. "Yeah, it is. I won't act as if it doesn't bother me because I know it bothers you too. Although it's been three years, I still feel very guilty for going on without her."

'At least he knows I'm here with him.' I thought, moving to the bean bag I had been in just a few moments ago. By her, I meant Torukus passed girlfriend, and my best friend: the reason I practically stopped living at the age of fifteen. Honestly, Toruku and I weren't even really that close. I knew her as her boyfriend and he knew me as her best friend. And as close as we were to her, we were never friends. Moku's death only brought us closer to each other, stirring up the beginning of a rock band.

      "I know what you mean. I do. Thankfully, this birthday of hers went better than the last two, wouldn't you say?" I ask, leaning on my elbows that sat on my knees.

      "Definitely. The previous ones all ended up in fights and long makeups. I guess we're just more laid back about it now," He explains, getting up from his seat, and browsing the instruments that were hung on the wall. His fingers wrap around his belt loops as he stands. "I feel bad for getting over her so quickly."

       "I know exactly what you mean. Never forget that I'm right here next to you, Toruku. That we've gotten through this together instead of alone. Although I wish you had talked to me more when it had first happened, I was all alone!" I chuckle at the last part, even if it wasn't funny at all. "I think the life we made out of our relationship has turned out for the better. Look where we are now: moving to American in about a year to sign to a label. Wouldn't she be proud we've gotten so far?"

      "Maybe you're right," Toruku says, leaning against the back wall. His hair danced over his eyes barely, as they stared right at me. "Maybe you should hit up Toru and Hajime, ask how they're doing. They went through this too, you know."

      "Yeah, I know. I haven't because I'm afraid of what they'll say, or if they even say anything at all. They're both a part of a very different social class after all. If anything, I'll probably get a simple thumbs up on my message." My voice grows low, expressing my tiredness from this conversation already.

      Toru and Hajime were two other people that used to be in my friend group with Moku throughout our childhood. Both were loud and expressive and played volleyball, but they were also very kind and friendly towards Moku, Toruku, and me. Once middle school had started, the five of us grew closer and closer by the second. We joined volleyball clubs, hung out at our houses practically every day, and grew popular throughout the years. But once Moku had passed, we all fell apart. She was what held us together after all.

       Both Hajime and Toru decided to go to another high school, and Toruku and I went to another. After that, we hadn't heard a single word from them.

      "It's worth a try, Y/n. We wouldn't want to seem inconsiderate." Toruku says as he pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pockets, as well as a lighter. After lighting one, the smoke leaves his mouth slowly, as he continues. "I wish you would at least try to make amends between them. You were closer to them than I ever was."

     "I'll try. Just not now."

———

       After another hour of practice with Toruku, the two of us stood silent on our phones while we waited for Sugawara. Something told me that he had gotten lost. Either that, or he just forgot about me, which I wouldn't blame him for.

       But right when I was about to tell Toruku that we should go home, a message from an unknown number had shown up on the top of my phone screen that alarmed me.

      [Text Message: ###-###-####]

Hey, I can't find the music room. It's not on the school campus. Either that, or it's the most invisible classroom ever brought to this school.

     [Reply to ###-###-####]

I'm assuming this is Sugawara? Sorry, I don't have your number saved. If otherwise, the wrong number.

       After the second the message gave me a preview, I fully entered the screen. It had a profile picture, but not a contact name. Although, that was my very first-year-like of me to be irresponsible. [Sugawara] read the title after I'd edited it, and nothing more. Only a few brief messages that we had just sent to each other.

Sugawara

  

Hey, I can't find the music room. It's not on school campus. Either that, or it's the most invisible classroom ever brought to this school.

I'm assuming this is Sugawara? Sorry, I don't have your number saved. If otherwise, the wrong number.

Actually, right number! But seriously... I have no idea where the hell you are. Is it off-campus? I might just cry if I don't figure this out. I've been at it for a solid ten minutes.

Ten minutes?? Damn boy, you could've just asked to meet me in the cafeteria or something. Toruku and I have been waiting here for a while as well.

Sorry!!

No need to apologize.

- you have started sharing your location with {Sugawara}-

Thanks. See you in a bit.

      After discussing where I was hanging, I decided to look more into this saved contact. 'Had I really been so close to him as to have discussions with him?' I think as I decide to read a few more messages above our most recent convo. They only consisted of homework answers, tutoring questions, and a few more comments about school festivals and such. A good ten invites to a volleyball game were stored in there as well. I hadn't realized how much he had meant to me just two years ago. Time flies, taking most of your memories with you.

      A few more moments went by before a knock came upon the room's entrance door, as well as the voice of someone behind it. "Uhm— hello..? Is this the right room?"

     "No, go away," Toruku replies in a deeper, scarier voice as he shuffled towards the door to reveal Sugawara standing there alone with a frightened expression.

      Suga sighed, putting a hand over his chest while he smiled. "That gave me a heart attack." He says, fixing his eyes towards my sitting figure. "Ready to go?"

     I nod, lifting from my seat and stretching out my arms while yawning loudly. "God, I'm tired," I mumble to myself, gathering my bag and the tie and jacket I had taken off, before slowly walking over towards Sugawara. "Isn't it after practice? Shouldn't you be all tired and worked out?"

    "Oh, no. Today was only focused on the new players, which honestly didn't go so well." He explained, finishing with a soft chuckle. Though I could tell it was filled with disappointment, for the way he looked down on the floor was purely depressing.

      But quickly steered the conversation another way to distract him from it; that was the least I could do. "Oh, well, today it was just Toruku and me. But thankfully we just recorded some extra vocals so we didn't have to record the rest of the teams' jobs."

     Sugawara distracts himself, taking small glances around the room as I explain to him what we did. He observes the different colors and pictures on the walls, the furniture we helped ourselves to, and the instruments gathered onto the wall. "It looks quite comfortable in here. To be honest, I'm surprised that the school even lets you decorate this place all by yourselves."

       "They didn't, they just don't know about it. It's quite convenient if you ask me.." I mumble, shuffling from one foot to the other. What I said was no lie, we were truly blessed to have had a room to ourselves here on campus. If it wasn't for the band teacher who had shown it to us, we probably would've spent our practice time in a garage where there's no AC or comfortable floors.

      Meanwhile, Toruku explained to Sugawara the reasoning behind each decoration, I check the timing. It was 6:00 PM, just in time for my mother to get home from work.

      "Should we get going?" I ask the grey-haired boy, as he's brought back to reality. He and Toruku sharply turn, pausing their supposedly intriguing conversation, as he nodded to my question.

       "I guess so. Well, thank you for showing me this place, I never would've discovered it if it wasn't for you two." Sugawara states, bowing towards the blonde boy with a cigar.

      "Alright, I'll catch you later, Y/n. And it was nice meeting you today, Sugawara." After I have a small hug to Toruku and said my goodbyes, Suga and I were out the door.

      Our walk began with the two of us climbing down a few stairs, and jogging towards where the sidewalk actually began. From there on, it was easy getting towards the main part of campus, and walking home would be a piece of cake. For Sugawara, I mean.

       "So, do you walk home every day?" I ask, tightening my hands around my bento box. The silence between us rested heavily on my chest; not a single word left his mouth.

       But it may have been because he was stuck in his own little world, for soon after my question, he blinked his eyes a couple of times and cleared his throat. "Oh, no— not really. I only walk after practice when I stay late. But on free days, like in the morning, I ride the bus."

       Nodding, I explain my way of getting to and from school as well. "Me too. Well, usually my mother would drive me before school even started. Either that or I would ride my skateboard and hide it in some gutter. You know how angry the school gets about skateboards." I laugh, hoping he'd approve of joking with school rules. But knowing Sugawara, he probably already knew I bend some.

       "Ah, yes. That's convenient. But how far did you live before moving into [Neighborhood]? Surely not too far, right?" He questions, looking down at me for an honest answer.

        I widen my eyes at this, making my answer to his questions obvious already. "Uhm.. no! Just a mile and a half away, not a big deal.." My head turns the other way while I giggle at Sugawara's shock. It wasn't a big deal for me at all, I didn't mind getting the few extra steps in the morning. As for him, he must have not had to walk that far every day to understand. I didn't blame him for being so surprised. It wasn't every day you find someone who voluntarily walks that far.

      "Oh— that's.. that's a lot! I'm sorry that you had to do that. It must have been hell! But thankfully you have someone to join you on transportation, right?" Sugawara gives me side-eyes, as a smile appeared on his pale face.

      "Yeah.. you're right." My sentence runs low in the cold, shaking as I shift from the sidewalk to the road. The pavement felt hard and slippery due to the transition from winter to spring, yet it was still freezing outside.

      "You know... it was strange bumping into you today. To be honest, I feel like I'm fifteen again. I think that's just how you make others feel, you know?" My words come out abruptly, but I didn't mind. After today's long day all I wanted was one honest conversation.

     Thankfully, Sugawara felt the same I did. "Spending time with each other must have brought back lots of memories, even if they were small." He says to me, observing the way my feet jumped from the curb to the street.

      The feeling he brought was like a scent from years ago when you're a little kid. Whether you're reading by a window, or running through a meadow, you'd forgotten it ever even tickled your senses.

     "It's kind of strange. Even if we weren't best friends, you still meant a lot to me. I'm wondering whether or not you're still the same, and if that could be brought back." I explain, drawing out my arms to make a tree-like pose while I played hopscotch with the roads. The keychains that hung on my badge made a 'clunk!' noise against the ID, meanwhile, I discussed. "We've both changed so much, Sugawara."

       "You're right, we have. But for the better, you know? I think at the moment I'm mentally healthier than in the past year. And as for you, I think anyone can see that. I don't mean that your time of grief was a mistake, but I'm happy that you've been nicer to yourself."

       "Yeah, me too." My words stutter, interrupted by the loud engine behind me. Sugawara and I quickly turn towards the noise, widening our eyes at how close the vehicle was. Suddenly, an ear-piercing honk is signaled from the driver, and I'm quickly pulled from in front of the car to under a streetlight in one's arms.

       The action is hasty and happened in just a split second, but enough to save me from being run over. Barely comprehending what had just occurred, I freeze in place just like the slippery road. And as the car honks off, I'm left, once again, alone with Suga. Only this time, uncomfortably in his arms.

     Lightning travels down my back once I realize I was being held by a stronger, warmer body. Both my arms were being tightly held by his, and my body barely being separated from his by an inch. I stared right into his eyes, as he did so as well.

     "Y/n, you. you've got to be careful. Be careful."

      Sugawara's words ring in my ears, as I rapidly blink to regain consciousness. Immediately after, a scatter to search for my school bag, which was thrown only a few feet away from me. After retrieving it, I quickly stand onto my feet and turn to Suga, who's already prepared to continue our walk.

      "I'll be careful."

      With that, the two of us continue our journey towards home in silence once more.

      I've gotta be careful with Sugawara.

——

Thanks for coming back to read :) I know my story is crappy but I've only been writing for a little so you could understand why. Please please vote for my chapters, thank you.

- star

[lesbiansforboromir]

Its been too long since I read the books and last time I saw the movies I was on denethor is a dick to my baby, let the man die. However, now I'm curious, since I remembered for instance that in the books he was devastated when he thought faramir died and your last reblog about that made me rethink my whole stance. Could you give me more positive denethor moments, or do I have to read the books again?

God I- I need so much for you all to understand how much I love asks like this, for PURELY selfish reasons, I just LOVE the idea of people like... doing what I do! Which is think about lotr and it’s characters and consider them in new angles and have fun with that! I feel connection and love in this chili’s tonight- ANYWAY. 

To be clear, Denethor is one of my favourite characters, like JUST below Boromir in how much I love him and how furious I am with his portrayal in the films. I have a tag for him here that has a lot of good posts all about it. But positive moments for Denethor, yes ok! Lets start with my favourite quote from Denethor because it completely encompasses his- literally his ENTIRE book character;

In what is left, let all who fight the Enemy in their fashion be at one, and keep hope while they may, and after hope still the hardihood to die free.

Do you feel all the love and pride in his people and all the folk of middle earth who’re resisting this seemingly impossible threat? Even unto their inevitable end? Do you see the inherent belief that this is an unwinnable war, and yet how Denethor has remained Gondor’s greatest and most stalwart defender for all these years? GOD I do- ‘dying free’ is a VERY important sentiment that also puts a lot of his later, seemingly ‘mad’, actions into a much more understandable light. BUT I WILL TRY to not make this too much of a dissertation, god willing. SO! Onto Pippin’s swearing!

'Little service, no doubt, will so great a lord of Men think to find in a hobbit, a halfling from the northern Shire; yet such as it is, I will offer it, in payment of my debt.' Twitching aside his grey cloak, Pippin drew forth his small sword and laid it at Denethor's feet. 

A pale smile, like a gleam of cold sun on a winter's evening, passed over the old man's face; but he bent his head and held out his hand, laying the shards of the horn aside. 'Give me the weapon!' he said. Pippin lifted it and presented the hilt to him. 'Whence came this?' said Denethor. 'Many, many years lie on it. Surely this is a blade wrought by our own kindred in the North in the deep past?' 

'It came out of the mounds that lie on the borders of my country,' said Pippin. 'But only evil wights dwell there now, and I will not willingly tell more of them.' 

'I see that strange tales are woven about you,' said Denethor, 'and once again it is shown that looks may belie the man – or the halfling. I accept your service. For you are not daunted by words; and you have courteous speech, strange though the sound of it may be to us in the South. And we shall have need of all folk of courtesy, be they great or small, in the days to come.’

The film really had no idea what to do with Pippin offering his service to Denethor as- well essentially an acknowledgement and an honouring of Boromir’s sacrifice for him. Because the Denethor in the film would have scorned it, but it’s an important plot point, so it’s just kinda in there awkwardly and uncomfortably. This is because Denethor genuinely appreciates Pippin’s gesture, his son died for this hobbit! But Pippin is fervent and honest and Denethor can tell! Denethor is grateful, he empathises! These are not traits film!denethor possessed, so we get the.... tomato... scene.... BUT ONWARDS, I consider this a positive scene, simply because Denethor and Gandalf’s rivalry in the books is just so much FUNNIER and interesting than in the films;

'And you, my Lord Mithrandir, shall come too, as and when you will. None shall hinder your coming to me at any time, save only in my brief hours of sleep. Let your wrath at an old man's folly run off and then return to my comfort!' 

'Folly?' said Gandalf. 'Nay, my lord, when you are a dotard you will die. You can use even your grief as a cloak. Do you think that I do not understand your purpose in questioning for an hour one who knows the least, while I sit by?' 

'If you understand it, then be content,' returned Denethor. 'Pride would be folly that disdained help and counsel at need; but you deal out such gifts according to your own designs. Yet the Lord of Gondor is not to be made the tool of other men's purposes, however worthy. And to him there is no purpose higher in the world as it now stands than the good of Gondor; and the rule of Gondor, my lord, is mine and no other man's, unless the king should come again.'

LIKE. IT’S FUNNY! Essentially Denethor’s like ‘oh ho I’m just an auld man dont be angry with me Gandy’ and Gandalf’s like ‘Denethor when you are ENFEEBLED by age you will DIE out of spite alone’ and Denethor’s like ‘OH FINE if you want to be that way, but you’re bloody annoying to deal with and I don’t TRUST you wholly so DEAL with it,’ And again we get Denethor’s like whole deal! Gondor is what he is here to defend! It’s his entire purpose in life! He doesn’t trust that Gandalf’s not going to use him for his own ends to the detriment of Gondor itself, which Gandalf LITERALLY admits he’d do in the next paragraph. Because he says ‘he’s the steward of everything, not just gondor’ which on the one hand is like, yeah, we get that, but you can understand Denethor’s perspective too. WHICH IS. GOOD CHARACTERISATION FOLKS!

'[Osgiliath] was 'It was a city,' said Beregond, 'the chief city of Gondor, of which this was only a fortress. For that is the ruin of Osgiliath on either side of Anduin, which our enemies took and burned long ago. Yet we won it back in the days of the youth of Denethor: not to dwell in, but to hold as an outpost, and to rebuild the bridge for the passage of our arms.a city,' said Beregond, 'the chief city of Gondor, of which this was only a fortress. For that is the ruin of Osgiliath on either side of Anduin, which our enemies took and burned long ago. Yet we won it back in the days of the youth of Denethor: not to dwell in, but to hold as an outpost, and to rebuild the bridge for the passage of our arms.’

This is just like a little thing but I think it’s just kinda important to emphasise that Denethor wasn’t just a politician, he bled heavily for Gondor’s safety too and the retaking of Osgiliath was an incredibly important victory that Denethor achieved for Gondor’s safety as a whole. Anyway SPEAKING of the tomato scene- god this really does entirely emphasise the difference between Film!Denethor and Book!Denethor;

‘Can you sing?' 

Yes,' said Pippin. 'Well, yes, well enough for my own people. But we have no songs fit for great halls and evil times, lord. We seldom sing of anything more terrible than wind or rain. And most of my songs are about things that make us laugh; or about food and drink, of course.' 

'And why should such songs be unfit for my halls, or for such hours as these? We who have lived long under the Shadow may surely listen to echoes from a land untroubled by it? Then we may feel that our vigil was not fruitless, though it may have been thankless.'

In the end Pipping doesn’t sing for him but like?? Look SEE LIKE. It’s not MEAN, Denethor is in general sardonic and kinda harsh and frustrating in tone but he’s not dismissive or uncharitable or heartless; he’s interested, he likes TALKING to Pippin, he likes to hear about the world! Songs about food and drink and weather are fine! Of course they have merit!

'Not – the Dark Lord?' cried Pippin, forgetting his place in his terror. Denethor laughed bitterly. 'Nay, not yet, Master Peregrin! He will not come save only to triumph over me when all is won. He uses others as his weapons. So do all great lords, if they are wise, Master Halfling. Or why should I sit here in my tower and think, and watch, and wait, spending even my sons? For I can still wield a brand.'

Do you hEAR the bitterness in these lines? How he has to SIT here and WAIT as he sends his loved ones to die- but he has too, he HAS to do this, it’s not new, he’s been sending his sons to their probably deaths for years, and god he wishes he could be a reckless man and just ride out himself again but there IS no one to step into his place if he should be lost and Gondor just can’t take that! IT’S cOMPELLING. And so... now we’ll end on the part you mentioned, which really is like... AGONISING, it’s heartbreaking, especially after Denethor’s manners and character up until this point, sharp, sardonic, dauntless, uncowed by ever new loss, every new defeat, Boromir’s death even did not crack him completely but now-

And as [Pippin] watched, it seemed to him that Denethor grew old before his eyes, as if something had snapped in his proud will, and his stern mind was overthrown. Grief maybe had wrought it, and remorse. He saw tears on that once tearless face, more unbearable than wrath. 

'Do not weep, lord,' he stammered. 'Perhaps he will get well. Have you asked Gandalf?' 

'Comfort me not with wizards!' said Denethor. 'The fool's hope has failed. The Enemy has found it, and now his power waxes; he sees our very thoughts, and all we do is ruinous. 

'I sent my son forth, unthanked, unblessed, out into needless peril, and here he lies with poison in his veins. Nay, nay, whatever may now betide in war, my line too is ending, even the House of the Stewards has failed. Mean folk shall rule the last remnant of the Kings of Men, lurking in the hills until all are hounded out.'

 Men came to the door crying for the Lord of the City. 'Nay, I will not come down,' he said. 'I must stay beside my son. He might still speak before the end. But that is near. Follow whom you will, even the Grey Fool, though his hope has failed. Here I stay.' 

I’ll NEVER forgive the appropriation of the ‘my line is ending’ line, he doesn’t MEAN that he’s grieving the loss of his lineage, he’s grieving the loss of his WHOLE COUNTRY, of his people! As well as his son! And in this final moment with him his priorities of heart surface, where his people are banging desperately at his door, begging for their Lord to come to their aide, he refuses, because Faramir is far more important to him in this moment. 

I said I wasn’t going to make this a dissertation but WHATEVER, there you are anon, hope it’s what you wanted than thANK YOU AGAIN for the ask :)