#on top of dealing with illness
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hey! do you have any future plans for the fallen stars au? or is that sort of done now?
not done! the story is approximately halfway done
#anonymous#maybe a lil less idk#i feel like i've answered a lot of asks about falling stars recently so i'd just like to remind everyone that#i don't have time to create 24/7. as much as i wish i did#i work a full time job. 8-4. 5 days a week#on top of dealing with illness#and now i'll be going back to school like i'm a busy guy#so while i appreciate the interest i must ask you for your patience. and if you poke at me to do it i simply won't#i will get to it when i have time and not a second before then :')
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Every once in a while I think again about the end of Thriller Bark and feel completely insane and ill about Zoro's sacrifice, FOR LUFFY, specifically (you know, the character Kuma's threat was directed at). It wasn't even that long into traveling together, a few months maybe, yet Zoro was ready to give up everything in that moment - in the chapter with Kuma appearing being titled The End of the Dream ! - to protect his crew and Luffy, so he could continue in his journey.
Since Luffy and Zoro met, they always understand how words and promises were imporant to them - with Luffy punching Helmeppo in ch. 3 for lying to Zoro. Zoro learnt how serious Luffy was about his dream, and soon he realized he backed up his words with actions as well - untiying Zoro and giving him his swords back - his biggest treasures. It meant that Zoro could be honest and honor-bound in the same way to Luffy, to gain this mutual respect and trust between them since day 1. To wield his swords to protect both Luffy and later their whole crew, and to step in a way between Luffy and danger.
He was being actually more upset that Sanji got up from the previous Kuma's attack and interrupted their fight - Zoro was trying to keep the whole crew safe by this exchange for Luffy's head - if Sanji was offering his life for Luffy half dead and without much strength left to fight for himself (he started the offering of his own life already believing he woudn't survive, with a "you should find a new cook"), then this very specific sacrifice would be meaningless to the crew (- if this arc was taking place post WCI, then it would turn out very differently, with the strength of Sanji believing in Luffy, but it wasn't his moment during this scene) - it would hurt them more than help them, because as much as Zoro was prepared to die as well, he was prepared to keep fighting until the last breath.
Zoro was thinking he might die - Kuma's words were pretty certain he WOULD die - but he still had the willingness and strength to take on the deal for Luffy, for his captain and his crew. ("if i die here, it just means I wasn't worth much to begin with" this line he says times and times again during the overall story, like in Rogue Town throwing Kitetsu and waiting if it would cut off his arm, up until standing against King in Wano "it's my power that was lacking", and all the other times he was questioning his worth - it's something he tempts the fates he doesn't believe in, to actually harm him, to take his strength away if he doesn't deserve to survive. and it's him saying he knows and accepts his own weaknesses - of not being strong enough (in comparison to Sanji in this example), and always fights through them.)
He threw away his swords, including Wado Ichimonji - literally throwing aside his and Kuina's dream, to compell Kuma into a duel (with the anime playing 'The Very Very Very Strongest' when Zoro bowed down and pleaded Kuma, offering him his head instead of Luffy's) so Kuma wouldn't go after the crew and specifically Luffy later - no matter the outcome if Zoro would surive or not.
And then, he was actually strong enough to survive taking his captain's fatigue, agony and pain! Possibly being the only one who could survive taking Luffy's pain.
Zoro could have back out when Kuma offered him the 'taste' of the pain, with the realization of the scale of the hurt with the very possibility of dying from it. But that wouldn't be Zoro now, would it? He accepted and took all of Luffy's pain so his captain wouldn't have to suffer or die, and when they found him afterwards, he still kept standing, tense with the fatigue but alive! (again, with anime adding the music of 'Luffy's Fierce Attack' to underline the importance between these two).
He was training for this since the beginning - to become stronger to shoulder the pain of his crew if necessary. (And not only that - he was preparing for that so another Kuina incident didn't have to happen). He was the first one to fight one of the Warlords before anything really began: his fight with Mihawk at Baratie really set the tone and his own goals to overcome - a glimpse to see on how much different levels the Warlords actually were in comparison to Zoro, Luffy and the others, and if they were supposed to beat them so Luffy could become the Pirate King, that always meant to be ready and to get even stronger than them.
(small spoiler for egghead, ch. 1102: seeing Kuma (a Warlord at that time) remembering this Thriller Bark event later, during Egghead arc, and thinking that even he might have passed out from the pain, makes it all the more meaningful that it was Zoro who took the pain and withstood it - establishing how high was the strength of his willpower, already before timeskip.)
There could be so many other nuances and details from these last few chapters of this arc, and even what this deal meant for the following arcs! Zoro was still in pain on Sabaody, and because of that the crew wasn't as strong as it could have been (not to say they would have a chance anyway, knowing what all was in the motion).
The next is the tragedy and beauty of LUFFY never finding out about this. Half of the crew knew: Sanji, Brook and Robin knew the details, but would never tell Luffy - and that shows their loyalty to both Luffy and Zoro (and Zoro's decision). Luffy woke up and first thing he did was to jump up and down, excited not to be weighted down by his injuries, and only seeing his swordsman being down with injuries so severe he was out more days afterwards, knowing that something else attacked them (him = Zoro), after he was passed out from the fight against Moria, brought down his mood (even if it's not much noticable, but the change into subtle worry is there in the few next chapters).
"I can't explain it either!" - meaning he was thinking about it too, possibly how weird it was for him to move normally after such long fight. We don't really ever hear/see Luffy thinking about something, except when it's mentioned how he came up with a solution or idea, telling us there's more to Luffy than just being straightforward in his goals and speech. With Luffy being sometimes very emotionally intelligent when he wants to be, he could have figured it out from all these other people in the room asking similar questions and deducing. Even Usopp was putting two and two togehter. We might never find out if Luffy actuallly knows or not. Luffy probably wouldn't ask Zoro directly, especially if Zoro wouldn't tell first and didn't want to talk about it
- because for Zoro, nothing happened! Nothing, that would compromise his and Luffy's first promise. For Zoro to become the Strongest he couldn't back down from the duel with Kuma (just like before with his duel with Mihawk at Baratie. When he's faced with something he swore to overcome, he can't back down or evade. Even back then Luffy understood that as he held back Johnny and Yosaku, but Sanji was perplexed how far Zoro (and Luffy) would go to reach their dreams). When Sanji was asking him in front of Kuma "What about your dream?" Zoro was still thinking about his dream- it was just that the context has changed, it changed into a journey. His dream is the most important thing, but it wouldn't mean much, if, when on his way to accomplish that, he would betray his other words and promises.
#I will never get over how this very important ānothingā happened!#the first draft of this was just a shitpost with one block of text. but it seems im incapable of not adding more and more on top of it#one piece#roronoa zoro#gif:op meta#monkey d luffy#monkey d. luffy#thriller bark#zolu#luzo#kuma#bartholomew kuma#mine#gif:op manga#one piece meta#gif:zolu#one piece analysis#everytime i go into the thiller bark tag and see posts blocked bc of the other ship. i take 10points of damage ://#can we talk about how this was zoro's deal for luffy? can we? i know theres posts about it. i made few too. but theres still not enough....#for how this moment was big. for how kuma had a memory of it even in egghead. and zoro was the only present one there (after the ursa shock#insane and ill about it yeahh never gonna shut up about zolu thriller bark#luffy one piece#zoro one piece#long post
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"homura is an evil abuser who wants to control madoka and hates their friends" tired trope, canonically untrue, congrats on falling for the facade put up by a middle schooler.
"homura sees herself as inherently evil and abusive due to her upbringing, past actions, and status as a witch, which is still ongoing even at the end of rebellion" fresh, new, actually closer to canon, doesn't demonize a child for being mentally ill.
#pmmm#madoka magica#do you understand. do you see my vision#it is VERY VERY COMMON for people (esp kids) to see themselves as edgy and evil when they're 'normal' over minor things#eg kids who listen to metal and think they Cannot Be Understood.....#let alone literal child who has spent almost 1/2 her life in a time loop watching her friends die a dozen times#even nowadays due to Trauma Stuff and mental illness i deal w being like#'wow im an awful evil person for [minor offense] [intrusive thought] etc'#im not even a 14yo raised orphan catholic who lived over a decade in a loop failing to save my friends#and!! EVERYONE ignores that homucifer IS A WITCH.#witches canonically CANNOT CONTROL THEIR ACTIONS (oktavia attacking her friends etc etc etc)#even if she's 'not entirely a witch' or one w more control she's still canonically influenced by her despair and misery at the end of it#see: her familiars running around her soul gem 'whispering' to her etc#'homura is an evil abuser w no good qualities' posts (esp in 2024??) drive me up the wall ffs#sambling#top hits
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Sleep Token // II
I haven't done any art this week, but I did this months ago for a @midnight-moth 's birthday, and ST are back touring again! And I still miss the old masks š¤
{More Artwork | Socials and Prints}
#currently dealing with the flu on top of a chronic illness flare up so I'll be posting some old stuff maybe from my drafts and sketches#sleep token#ii#sleep token ii#sleep token worship#my artwork#digital art#artists on tumblr#ii sleep token#tmbte#sleep token art#sleep token fanart
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my friends are gonna take one look at my spotify wrapped and send me to a mental hospital
#luc posts#the way im not even joking šš they're gonna see the 2k plays of tv by billie and decide that they can't deal with me anymore#at least ill get the top 0.001% of billie tho šš#spotify wrapped
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**Do not steal, trace, sell, repost, or alter my art in any way without my permission. Do not put my art through AI, as i do not EVER make AI pieces. AI isnt art.** since i dont wanna post on tiktok with these ill post here, these r the doodles and scribbles i did so far of my oc ive ended up making out of my avatar on roblox, when playing pressure.
adopted sibling type stuff almost lmao. just doing what i want here.
the character is actualy quite big but not big as sebastian is. squeezes in on peoples lobbies last minute even tho theres no reason for this character to be doing runs as its technically a 'patient' at urbanshade aswell. stole one of the staffs clothes. sebastian later will have broken the second tracker on the head for this characters sake and his own. Sebastian's hideouts are the best places to be at the end of the day because of the radio signals being broken and untracable.
alittle bit dumb in the head, a little bit careless at times, but thats a good thing to Cope for this character. i dont have a name for them yet, but im open to ideas.
#i said id quit and i really was. i turned off anon and asks completely for a while. im not dealing with the bullying anymore.#im too suicidal for that so please dont bother me like that.#im still trying to draw for me and just enjoy moments i can because i dont have much so#ill post but i wont be talking about myself anymore. ill just post my art every now and then maybe like this and thats it.#pressure#pressure oc#roblox pressure#roblox pressure oc#my doodles#cicidraws#okay to reblog but read disclaimer on top of post =#i know the percentages dont really make sense but there are strengths taken from each thing they added into the DNA of the character
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Restored Tally Hall MMMM posters! Original scans on the left and my recreations on the right. Font-matched to the best of my ability and reformatted to ideally print at A3 or smaller sizes. Feel free to print your own copies. :)
#these could probably go a size or two larger than A3 but I think at that point you may notice slight blur within the top photo-#or in all of the recreated text. probably not enough to be a big deal tho!#tally hall#marvins marvelous mechanical museum#mmmm#not exactly art so ill just pop this in my#grafftalk#tag instead :) but yeah this was actually really fun!
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i wonder what cartoon discourse would even look like if SU didnt exist. would people want non-violent cartoons pushing for systemic change over the individualist narrative that everything is solved by killing a big bad, or would everyone be in a constant state of perfect ecstasy that no such thing exists?
#steven universe#i mean western cartoons and its discourse is dominated by a very american sense of crime & punishment so i can imagine lol#but you'd think at some point someone might be like hey wait a minute... why is there always a Single Super Evil Guy on top that must be#killed and why does that always solve everything rather than actually dealing with widespread societal ills with systemic solutions#oh well i guess we never have to think about it. can i have 16 more copies of this exact story please? i can eat this shit forever
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After getting absolutely lost on page one of my text book for two days and wondering how the fuck 9/4 - 1 = 5 I'm going to drop calc and go back to it in a later term. I cannot figure out the math there. Khan academy you're my only hope.
#just cant do ten hours of math home work on top of ten hours of khan and being a homeowner and dealing with workers comp and dogs every week#ill catch up on khan while i have an easy class this term and revisit it in the future#maybe doing physics next term will help me prepare more for calc as well#why the fuck i need all this for an information security degree in beyond me#i know programming uses some math but not that much
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the most birmingham & also roller coaster thing happened bc 1 of these bitches just fell while ppl were on it yesterday
#stream#iād add the alt image read or whatever but idk what this is called how would u describe it#itās like a star & u put it flat & then on top of a pole & thereās a swing dangling from each point of the star then it rises in the air &#the star starts spinning#like ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLA#I DONT FUCK W THESE RIDES !!!!!!!!!!!!#THEYRE INSANE#like rollercoaster on a track fine i canāt deal w this spinning regardless bc motion sickness but like#omg like the sling shot ones ā¦ ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT ??????#ILL TAKE MY CHANCES GOING BUNGEE JUMPING INSTEAD I THINK THATS SAFER#GENUINELY !!!!!!#sky diving i think is safe if i pack my own parachute but what i DONT TRUST: THAT SMALL ASS PLANE
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hi your addendum to my post was so amazing i couldn't just not say anything i SEE YOU SO HARD in believing its like a greek tragedy. nobody was supposed to die on that ship, this was all avoidable had the company trained and took care of their employees better, had the crew been more stable, i love what you have to say about this
- @missingininaction
@missingininaction omgomgomg thank u so much!!! :D my friends and i have been talking incessantly abt how the whole thing is a greek tragedy for like the last month, like! i do not think jimmy is ontologically evil and to act like That's The Point is i think doing a big disservice to mouthwashing as a game because WHY would this game thats filled with nuance and complexity suddenly turn around and believe in ontological evil??
this is a sidenote for Me but in the medbay there's a book called "up or down? the illusion of choice" and its out on the counter. and i know this was just supposed to be a reference to how fish is made but it also implies that anya reads about philosophy and determinism (the idea that there's no free will) and compatibilism (the idea that there's limited free will) and i am just fascinated with the idea that anya reads about philosophy and about the very common argument that if people are shaped by their pasts and those pasts have an effect on them that they can't control, how "free" is free will? how "at fault" are people, really, for their actions?
i find the idea interesting, of anya reading that book to cope, because it makes her feel better. i feel like she believes that peoples' worst moments dont make them monsters because she reads about psychology and philosophy and is keenly aware how out of control a lot of actions really are. and that maybe if her assaulter isn't just a monster, it means she isn't just a victim, too. and that what happened to her wasn't anything she did to "cause it," it happened because the things that drive people forward are fickle and unpredictable things. it makes her feel better, to acknowledge the dead pixel, as it were, of the assault itself, but to still find comfort in the bigger picture of the nighttime screen as a whole. while curly refuses to see the dead pixel, anya sees it, is mindful of it, and yet still looks at the whole picture. willful ignorance versus mindful knowledge of both the wide philosophy of Was It Really His Fault and But It's Still Something That Happened And Ergo Someone's Responsibility To Acknowledge
#btw btw if u dm me ill give u the link to a jimmy fic im doing that addresses. All Of This#it centers on like. what if he did take responsibility for that assault instead of running from it#so he asks for help from the very unqualified medical intern#and thats the plot#the intern as a character is a well rounded person with their own Thing going on and personal themes and motifs n shit#so theyre not just slapdashed together to make the plot work#their 'theraputic approach' is interesting its like death note if it was therapist and patient#the B plot is the intern's relationship with their boss. anya.#the c plot is with daisuke and the stuff he's got going on internally#which is funny because one of those things is that he believe he's unimportant. and hes the c plot#he doesnt even get top billing in his own personal tragedy.... its the fucking c plot....#though THIS plot is where we get the most info about the intern as a person#either way yeah um. it deals a lot with that philosophy i mentioned & even the ideas of prison abolitionism and antipsychiatry#so if it sounds interesting dm me and ill link u the (as of now still unreleased! shhh!!!) first chapter#uso janai ka?
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š» āĖā¹ ąæ š³
#the weather is so lovely today. itās breezy and cool but the sun is warm so itās not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i havenāt been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldnāt be surprised if#something wasnāt optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i donāt wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldnāt care less if i donāt write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldnāt even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#itāll be fine i guess#i donāt want to give up but i donāt have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#ā” dear diaryā¦
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Recognizing Tumblr polls' true purpose and making use of it, so I dont have to make the decision. Excluding Elliott and Maru since Ive married the former and want to marry the latter in a future non-Joja 1.6 playthrough (this is my ruthless achievement finishing run). Im still going to be dating the non-winners otherwise to see their cutscenes. Feel free to spill tea as well.š
#dee does things#stardew valley#this was just going to be a joja run but I remembered having children was An Achievement and I dread the idea of ever having children so#Ill get them over with and have them stay in my joja run c: or do away with them I dunno!#youre free to consider this in multiple ways e.g. who'd be the chillest about it and/or who youd personally do this with etc. etc.#Id actually love to see peoples thoughts on this/the characters in general so...feel free..... š#my top contenders would be Alex Sam Sebastian or Haley tbh with no particularly concrete reasons tbh#dont know if post divorce Ill erase memories or something Ill deal with that when I get there.........
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I think the meal replacement drinks are actually working thank fuck
#drank one this morning with my meds and ive had no nausea at all ?? for the first time in ages#when i try eating in the morning i straight up just vomit so that has never worked#this is so nice#i feel like death for other reasons but not having to deal with the nausea on top of that is such a relief#chronic illness#...ok i did just get nauseated like a second ago but still a huge improvement#probably the fact that i drink a lot of monsters doesnt help#no prep tho unlike coffee and i am too exhausted to make coffee. etc etc#ok i have to go now.
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people donāt get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things arenāt worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because theyāre things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. iām at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but iām a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. itās not āoh but i can push through itā because i canāt without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I canāt think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely donāt know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers donāt have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice iām making thatās true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ābut you are making choices about your lifeā when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i canāt go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isnāt freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I donāt go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still canāt. good days just mean i donāt want to lie down on the pavement when iām going somewhere#I just. I donāt magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately itās#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because thatās all logical but thereās no way to explain what itās doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i donāt react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and itās only getting worse#I canāt even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isnāt counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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thinking now about the last ask... do i ship patrick and/or michael with anyone anymore actually. i don't think i do. that's weird. i used to be into patrick x noah when i was younger because noah used to be "blorbo" to me, but ever since then.... hrm. don't think i've been into other ones. never liked patbit, firebrand and patrick is pretty cute, i've even seen people ship michael and patrick together which is... eh. (i see them as siblings so that'd be fucking weird, but idk if that's the canon, so i'm neutral on it as a concept)
#og#so autistic about one andersen i simply forgot about the others#ig it's not a big deal though. i dont gotta be into shipping with every slenderverse character#still weird tho. so insane about mla0 yet i only care about shipping with shaun and stormy#maybe ill just leave the shipping to people who have much more telekinesis autism etc. about michael / patrick than me. they know more#they are the wise scholars on top of the mountain from skyrim to me
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