#on outside he hears buck say “this is like just when i died” when he gets an electric shock from the toaster and starts laughing

[epiphainie]

i was gonna share a tweet that went smth like 'boyfriend gets upset if i say i'm gonna kill myself so now i add "and then i come back to life"' with 'this is bucktommy' but i changed my mind. i think tommy would just join in on the lightning strike jokes as the others look at the two of them in horror

[adrinktostopyourthirst]

bucky’s “gimme a minute, baby” in that skin-on-skin drabble has me in such a chokehold i’m actually struggling to breath right now and oops i just died. building on that, how do you think bucky kind of balances that control while also being the absolute man of service he is? hard to imagine him struggling for dominance—that man is NOT a sub—but he’s definitely walking a line between calling the shots and being on his fucking knees.

Bucky wants skin on skin…

I blame it on Bucky’s tunnel vision and tenacity. He can’t help but go after what he wants. He can’t help but lose his pride over it. Can’t help but have you…

The breath that rushes from him is ragged and desperate. Your fingers curl in his slightly sweat-matted tresses, tugging his face up so his glistening chin tilts upward and his glossy eyes meet yours from between your legs. He wants to speak, but he’s struggling for words. It seems strange to be able to bring him to this state - not submission, but utter desperation.

“What is it, Bucky?” you ask him and his eyes flutter when you rake your nails over his scalp.

“Baby,” he rasps.

“Hm?”

“Come on,” he sighs. “Let me just- Just…”

You smile at him and slightly shift your hips, his eyes drifting down to watch the movement and his throat bobbing as he swallows. This is torture for him and you can’t fathom someone wanting you so badly. You’re almost scared of what he will do to you when you allow him to lower his mouth back onto you.

In truth, you needed him to stop for a second. Your orgasm came toward you way too quickly. It was too much and your thighs had been shaking like crazy.

“What do you want, Bucky?” you ask him before your disbelief overrules the euphoric feeling you get when this man wants you like this.

His fingers curl in the sheets, the metal whirring with the movement. This is the kind of restraint you’ve seen from him in battle, when he wants to attack, but is waiting for orders. This is a soldier. A soldier waiting for the order to attack. To kill.

“Wanna lick you,” he mutters and his cheek falls to your inner thigh, pupils growing as his eyes dart between your glistening cunt and your flushed face. “Want to see you come.”

You shake your head and tilt it at him. “You weren’t trying to make me come.”

His mouth curves up at the corner. Bastard. He has his own agenda.

His brow drops as he straightens his position. His hands slowly curl from the sheets and slide to your thighs, squeezing the outside and sliding to your inner thighs.

Your confidence falters. And his smirk fully comes out when he knows you’ve caught on, his hands pressing down to open your thighs as far as they go.

“Let me have what I want, sweetheart,” he mumbles and presses lazy kisses over your thighs, visibly depriving himself of what he really wants - taunting himself. His voice is soft, but you know better than to think you have the power. You’re talking to a man starving.

Something in your belly twists at the thought and Bucky snickers at your pussy convulsing. His finger darts out and traces over your folds.

“Buck…”

“We want the same thing, don’t we?” he asks.

You nod, words lost.

“Good girl,” he says, lips fluttering against your clit with the words. You shudder. “You know I’d beg for it.”

Fuck, you do. He would. He has.

In defeat, you drop your head back between your shoulders with a long breath. You hear him laugh softly, feel his grip steady on your thighs.

Then you feel his mouth.

Oh no…

[unspeakable-imagination]

We Don't Have to Dance ||Part One

My masterlis is here and my requests are open!

Cw: Soulmate AU!, worst!Logan, use of tabacco and alcohol, poor mental health, mutant!reader fem!reader

It had been too long since your logan died. Every morning, you'd wake up in the X-Mansion, stating at the tattoo scrolled across your forearm reading, "James Howlett." Sometimes, you'd trace it with your fingers. Other times, you'd sit in your bed and cry. Those days, Colossus would have to drag out out of bed to the breakfast table.

It was one of those days. Colossus lifted you into the cook of his elbow and comforted you with his Russian songs that he continued to sing before lifting you upright and gently putting you into a your chair. Ellie and Yukio worked together in the kiten, plating you two waffles and handing it to the steel man, who, inturn sat it in front of you.

Days like this made it hard to eat. Tou mostly forked the waffles around until the others sat at the table with you, Colossus motioning to you and telling you something about eating that you were to consumed to hear.

You got the hint, though, and cut into the tiny stack of waffles to eat it. Looking up, you finally were able to tune into the conversation.

"Wade is asking us to come to a homecoming party. Imparently, there are two new additions to his single-room apartment. No, wait, she just said it's acctually three. He has a dog now, too."

"A homecoming party?" You questioned, shifting in your chair. "Who's he bring?"

"Didn't say, he says that he wants us to meet them." You nodded taking another bite as Collossus began to speak.

"How is he meant to have four people and a dog in that awfully small apartment?"

"I don't know," Yukio said," Maybe now that there is more people, they'd get enough income to movie into a new apartment?"

"That would be the realistic option," Ellie said.

You tuned out again, after that, playing with each bite of food before you ate it. Everyone's plates were already clear, and yours was down to the last bite. The moment tour fork hit your empty plate, you grabbed everyone eles' and stacked it onto yours. The looked at you, and Ellie and Yukio smiled.

As you walked towards the sink with the empty plates, you could hear them mutter about how you're getting better every day.

You pulled on the flats you were wearing in compbation with the mid-thigh kahki shorts. You had on some random white sleeve shirt, you didn't really care. What was important whas the lethar jacket ontop. It didn't smell like him anymore, but it reminded you of Logan. And it scared the people away. Any man that tried hitting on you, he tended to run away. You took a deep breath as tou treaded down the stairs to the kitchen to grab the pan of brownies that you'd made. Once it was secure in your hands, you twisted to run out the door, joining the others outside the vehicle that Colossus decided we take.

You didn't notice how long the drive was, you spent the whole thing looking out the window, watching the racing rain drops on the glass. You came to tour attention when you were all parked on the curb. You cringed, slightly. Colossus was usually a good driver, unless it came to parallel parking. You undid your seatbelt and situated the brownies under your jacket do they wouldn't get rained on. You threw open the door and slid out of the car, sprinting towards the apartment entrance. The others followed suit.

You made your way up the the second story and knocked on the door. Peter opened it for you and you thanked him, feeling towards the tiny table, not noticing the other people around aside for Buck, who sat silently at the table. You leaned close to him and squeezed his shoulders, whispering, "you can have the first brownie. Since you're my favorite."

She started to try and say thank you but you shushed him. "Hush, Wade says something like you've not spoken since the first movie or something. I done think you're allowed to talk," she joked. Buck only shook his head and grabbed his knife from his hip and cut into the brownies. You stood up and clapped your hands as you dpun around, speaking loud.

"Alrighty, Wade, who's the spec-" the words caught in your throat as you saw wade standing next to Logan and Laura. Your whole body went fridgid. Goosebumps ran up your skin and your throat went dry. You just sat there, still as death, stating at logan.

"[Y/n]! This is Logan and laura," and he held up the tiny dog in his hands. "And this is Mary Puppins, but we call her dogpool."

You didn't even pay attention, to shocked to speak. He looked so much like logan, just a little younger. He didn't seems sick, and he was staring right at you.

"[Y/N]," Colossus started, "It's him." You glanced at Colossus, and when Logan tried to take a step forward to you, you backed up, hitting the table.

"What is going on here," Wade asked, finally noticing the tension that the x-men had had since the moment that they walked in. "I don't understand. Did all of our panties turn to thongs?" He stuck his hand into his pants, "No, but I'm sensing some serious tension."

"I've got to go," you said, turning to go.out the door.

"No, [Y/N], Wait." Colossus was one step ahead and grabbed your shoulder, pulling you away from the door and towards the sofa. "You're staying here. You do not have a ride home. This could be good for you."

You were only silent, choosing not to fight. Instead, you chose to just listen to Colossus, shrugging his massive hand off, and sitting on the couch. You eyed logan the whole time. He had the same tells as before, but something about him was different. This wasn't the same Logan.

Wade handed the dog over to Logans arms, and he looked slightly disgusted at Wade, but quickly smiled at the dog as Wade began speaking. He clapped his hands. "Alright, everyone. These are my new friends. This is Logan, I found him in another universe and fed him like a dog, so I had to bring him home. As I think some if you know, this is his daughter x-23, also named Laura! And that little honeymuffin angel love is Mary Puppins, as stated before!"

You pursed your lips and watched the events unfold,unsure of what to do. Now that you realized that this Logan was from another place? It kicked you in the butt all over again that your soulmate really is dead.

"But peanut here is a new anchor being, so he's fixed out universe," Wade conveniently said, placing a hand on Logan's shoulder. You frowned. Nobody could replace your logan. Not the love you had with him. You nodded silently, trying to acknowledge what wade was saying, but became distraught. It only got worse when Logan sat in a chair, across from you.

He didn't say anything, he just sat there. Everybody had moved in with their party, taking to Laura and boggling at the now free dog. Exept you and Logan. You two just sat there, not talking, and occasionally looking to one another, only to look back down to the floor. It was like that for the whole night. Until Colossus said it was time to do home. You both sat there in silence, sitting in the bree of whatever your thoughts were.

When you did return to the mansion, you didn't say anything. You just went up the stairs into your room, and cried yourself to sleep.

[sparklefics]

Losing you

Bucky & avenger!reader

WC: 1,185

Summary: a near death experience puts things in perspective.

Warnings: near death experience (not detailed tho), mentions of injury and blood. Language!

I wrote a thing!! It’s been months since I’ve been inspired/ had time to write. Here’s a little angsty fluff.

Gif not mine.

[Masterlist]

Since you joined the team you’ve gotten along with everyone. Missions are successful at least 90 percent of the time.

For the last nine months you’ve been partnering up with Bucky. He’s damn good at his job and you get along just fine, at least when you’re on the field.

Off the field is an entirely different story.

It’s not so much that you don’t get along, it’s just you don’t hang out outside of work. The only time you ‘hang out’ is during training.

You wouldn’t consider him a friend— at least not like Sam is. Bucky is merely your teammate, your partner.

Normally Bucky is cool, calm and collected until the day you get hurt in the field.

“Star, come in.” Bucky speaks through the comms but is only met with silence so he tries again. “Agent Star, come in!”

Star is the code name Sam gave you when you joined his crusade as Captain America. He liked to joke around about his Stars and Stripes and the Sentinel of Liberty, respectively you, Joaquin and Bucky.

Bucky turns back to the last checkpoint and his body goes rigid as he takes in the scene before him. There you are laying on a puddle of blood—yours, he realizes.

He doesn’t take the time to over analyze what went down, all he cares about right now is getting you to safety.

—————

It’s scary to put so much on someone. To let them be your everything, he hadn’t realized that was what had happened. To him you were just his partner.

Until he almost lost you.

That’s when he realized what’s really at stake here. Not only your life, but his happiness.

—————

Three days, that’s how long it takes for you to wake up.

“Ow. That hurt.” You groan and hear Sam chuckle, when you bat your eyes open you see Bucky storming out of the room.

“That’s not funny, Star.” Sam says. “You scared us. How come you didn’t call for backup?”

“How long was I out?”

“Three days. And yes, he was here the whole time, barely got him to eat and shower.”

“Where’s Stripes?” You deflect and ask about Joaquin.

“Coffee run.” Sam stares towards the doorway and sighs. “Buck was the one that found you.”

“Hmm. I think he might be mad at me— you know for almost dying.”

“He’s entitled to that, you’re his partner after all.”

—————

Bucky never comes back to the med bay. In fact you don’t see him for weeks, until you’ve been given the all clear to go back out on the field.

You approach him silently at the gym while he’s pummeling a punching bag. Three bags already discarded after he ripped them open.

“Hey Liberty!”

“Don’t call me that. You know I fucking hate it.”

“Are you still mad at me?”

“Who said I was?” He turns around and you’re not ready for that tender look he gives you. A mixture of guilt that you almost died on his watch and something else you can’t pinpoint and it almost makes you think that he might actually care.

As scary as it was, almost dying put so much in perspective for you. First thing’s first, before you passed out on the field your very last thought was Bucky’s smile. That was strange…yes, he’s your partner but you were about to die and your last thought was of him not begging for help just one last smile of Bucky’s.

Secondly, it felt so off and hurtful seeing him walk out as soon as you woke up. You didn’t know why it hurt but the fact that it did meant that you wanted him there when you woke up. Or at least you expected him to be there, he is your partner after all.

You almost lost everything.

You almost lost him.

It’s infuriating how he managed to become something more than just your partner without you even realizing it. Though all your anger dissipates with the look he gives you. None of it matters when he’s looking at you and touching you so delicately.

Bucky traces a finger ever so delicately over the still fading bruise on your cheek bone.

You hadn’t realized he’d been standing so close to you. Or why the disheveled look he’s got going on looks so good on him. Has he ever looked better? Yes, but today he looks kinda hot and vulnerable, in a way that you just wanna comfort him, run your hands through his hair, cuddle the shit out of him.

Out of nowhere you grab his face and kiss him— on the lips!

“You can’t blame me for that. I almost died.”

You murmured against his lips. And to your surprise he doesn’t pull back, instead he deepens the kiss.

“Shut up, I'm still mad at you.” He mumbles against your lips.

“Ha!” You pull back just enough to slap a hand on his chest. “I knew it! You are mad at me!”

Bucky pulls you right back to his arms and rests his forehead on yours. “I’m just…I can’t lose anyone else. Do you understand?”

You nod.

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at myself. You got hurt out there, I should’ve—”

You pull back to look him in the eyes, “James Buchanan Barnes it is not your fault I got hurt. I should’ve called for backup, it’s not your responsibility to keep me safe.”

“Yes it is. You’re my partner.”

“You say that like it means something else. What are you really trying to say, Sarge?”

As if the kiss you two shared hadn’t made it clear this certainly would.

“Star, you are everything to me.”

And your anger makes an appearance again, you pull away from him. “I’m finding that a little hard to believe, cause since I woke up all you’ve done is avoid me.”

“I’m just— seeing you there in a puddle of blood it fucked me up.”

“Waking up and seeing my partner walking out on me fucked me up. You were the last thing on my mind before I passed out. I was trying to call for— I was going to call for you when I blacked out. Then I wake up and see you walk out the door and never come back.”

This isn’t how Bucky pictured this moment. It should’ve gone like in the movies. You both admit your feelings, kiss and voila: happy ending. Not you angry at him, with unshed tears in your eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m an idiot that can’t handle his own feelings. But I love you. I need you to know that. I love you.” He squeezes your hands.

“That’s the thing Bubba, I love you too. So don’t you dare walk out on me ever again.”

You pull him in for a hug and you climb on him like a koala, arms around his shoulders and legs around his torso. He tells you he loves you again and assures you that he’s not going anywhere without you. “Well then, take me to my room. You owe me three weeks worth of cuddles.”

[achilles-rage]

thirteen crows: chapter six

summary: your bar regulars come visit you at your house, begging you to let them in. then, you're visited by the masked men again.

word count: 2.6k

previous chapter

series masterlist

a/n: one again, you can choose who is who during the last part of the story, but i wrote it with the idea that buck is more eager to please, while eddie is sadistic hehe. and i'm so sorry, this was supposed to be longer (the smut was lol) but i sprained my wrist a couple years ago and it never fully healed, so typing is really painful sometimes, and lately it's been really bad. i'll try to make the next chapter longer if my wrist feels better though. enjoy<33

warnings: hints of smut, stalking, slight non-con (but reader likes it??? idk), no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

It’s been almost a week since you watched Isaac die in the alleyway. You’ve called in sick to work the entire week; you can hardly even get out of bed. While you hope and pray that you aren’t in danger as long as you play along with this fucked up game, the people around you are dying now. 

You went to take the trash out the day after Isaac died, it was late at night, and you almost bumped into a man in the dark back entryway of your building. The next day, he was found dead in his car. Stabbed to death. And you recognized him immediately when you saw the news.

You hadn’t noticed when he turned, thinking for a moment about following you, but choosing against it. But they did. They had been parked outside of your house for most of the day, just making sure their sweet girl was okay, when they saw the man. They knew what they had to do; they couldn’t risk anything happening to you. 

In reality, the man had stopped and turned because he thought he forgot his wallet in his girlfriend’s apartment, but then realized it was in his pocket, and turned back around and left the building. They weren’t aware of that, though. Clearly.

They start to get worried for you when you still haven’t left your apartment a week later. They’re almost sure you’re running out of food by now, and all you do is move from your bed, to your couch, and back to bed. 

You’re ignoring their messages and calls, too. You didn’t even laugh when you listened to Buck’s voicemail about a fight almost breaking out at the Thirteen Crows on football night. You usually love to hear drama like that. 

That’s why, eight days after they killed Isaac, Eddie shows up to your house with a smile and a box of donuts. Something to cheer you up, he says.

“Eddie, you have to go.” He’s only just able to see your face; your body completely behind the door as you open your door just far enough for you to stick your head out. His smile falters; this donut shop is your favourite.

“I heard about Isaac, and Tara says you’ve called in to work every day this week. Figure you could use some company.” he tries to reason, fighting the urge to push the door open and bully his way in. He can’t, though. He knows that.

“Thank you, but you really have to go.” you tell him. You try to be stern, but your voice comes out just above a whisper, and Eddie picks up on the edge in your voice. 

You can’t see him being killed too. You’re not sure why these men have attached themselves to you, or how the people around you are managing to piss them off, but you really don’t want to test them. And Eddie has a son, for god’s sake, you can’t risk anything happening to either of them.

“Why? Is everything okay?” he asks, feigning concern as he looks at you with his big brown eyes. You sigh, tears forming in your eyes as you tear your gaze from his and tilt your face to the floor. He’s so kind, and you want nothing more than to have his large arms wrapped around you right now, letting him calm you down, but you know you can’t.

“I don’t want you to die.” is all you say before you close the door abruptly. He hears the lock click, and he listens hard to hear your movements behind the door. When he doesn’t, he pulls out his phone, seeing that you’re still standing with your back pressed to the door, tears streaming down your cheeks and dripping off your chin. 

He huffs as he opens the phone app and hits Buck’s contact. He needs him here now. Their poor thing; they’ve scared you too much, and now they have to do something to get you back. To make you believe they can protect you.

He walks down the hall, just enough that you won’t be able to hear him before he explains what’s just happened to Buck, although he’s sure Buck had already heard most of the conversation from the camera.

Not even ten minutes later, Buck is walking into your building with food from your favourite takeout place. They both walk back to your door together, waiting impatiently for you to let them in. 

When Buck sees your tired face, riddled with sorrow, it’s hard for him to fight the urge to barge into your apartment and wrap his arms around you, but he restrains himself. He knows you have to let them in willingly.

“Please.” is all you say when you look between them, and they give you sheepish smiles.

“You’re not gonna get rid of us, sweetheart. We know you need someone. Please let us in.” Buck says, and Eddie’s brows raise just slightly, proud of the sincerity in his voice.

You hesitate as you look between them, their eyes big and hopeful. You know you shouldn’t; you’re half sure that they’re already on the masked men’s hit list already just by being here. But you feel like you’re going fucking insane. You want nothing more than to be close to someone right now, so after a few moments, you sigh and open the door further. 

They’re quick to move past you and into your apartment before you change your mind. They make themselves right at home in your kitchen, getting the food they brought ready, while you sit back down on your couch, too exhausted to follow them.

They sit the food in front of you when they come back in, then sandwich you between them on the couch. Their bodies are pressed up beside yours, but you hardly care right now, you’re just glad that someone is here. Finally.

“Now, you’re gonna eat, and then you’re gonna tell us why you think we’ll die because we’re here.” Eddie tells you sternly, although there’s a hint of softness in his voice that you cling to. 

You look down at the food and sigh. You don’t remember the last time you’ve eaten, so you take the food that Eddie holds out for you, feeling a little awkward as they watch you eat.

Buck picks up on your expression and grabs the remote to your tv, turning it on and letting the noise drown out the silence of your apartment. With one quick look to Eddie, both of them turn to watch the tv while you finish eating, continuing to steal glances at you every now and then.

When you’re finally finished, Buck takes your empty plate from you and sets it on your coffee table, then both men angle their bodies to face you once again.

You look straight ahead of you as they wait for you to start speaking, and then you let out a sob, closing your eyes as you lurch forward, holding your head in your hands.

They’re both quick to comfort you. Buck puts an arm around your shoulders and shushes you quietly, while Eddie’s hand goes to your thigh, rubbing a thumb across the skin not covered by your sleep shorts.

After ten or so minutes, you finally inhale a shaky breath, whispering a quick “okay” as you straighten up.

“Everyone around me is dying.” you say, unsure of what else you even can say. They furrow their brows in feigned confusion, both keeping their hands on you as they urge you to continue speaking.

“I just- I don’t want anything to happen to you. You shouldn’t be here.” They shake their heads adamantly, and Eddie is the first to speak.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen to us. We can take care of ourselves.” he says sternly, and you turn to look up at him, chewing on your lip nervously. 

The rest of the story is on the tip of your tongue; threatening to spill now that your friends, your very large, very handsome friends, are beside you. You don’t though. You know the masked men will find out somehow.

“That’s what Isaac said. And look at him now.” you speak in a quiet voice. Tears are forming in your eyes again as you think of the sight of him, bloody and gasping in the alleyway, and nothing for you to do for him.

“We’re not Isaac. Nothing is going to happen to you. That’s a promise.” Buck says, and you want to believe him so bad. Your mind is so jumbled that you don’t realize the “what the fuck?” look Eddie gives Buck. You know that they can’t really promise that, but you can’t help but believe Buck’s words. You’re sure it’s just because you’re desperate for his words to be true, but either way, you can’t help but let out a big breath, feeling your shoulders deflate slightly.

“I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you.” Both men raise a brow at your words. They both feel you’re about to tell them about everything, and they’re not sure if that’s good or bad. 

“If people around you are dying, why aren’t you worried about yourself?” Eddie asks, a slight edge in his voice that flies right over your head. 

You shake your head as you think about everything that’s happened to you the past couple weeks. Why couldn’t they have just killed you; gotten it over with, you think.

“I don’t know. I just- I don’t want to lose anyone else.” You whisper the last sentence, crossing your arms over your torso in a desperate attempt to calm your racing heart. Both men smirk at each other for a split second before their eyes are back on you. Their good girl; they knew you’d listen to them.

“We’re not going anywhere. We’re gonna help you through this, alright?” Buck speaks, and you nod slowly. You look up at him with the smallest hint of a smile, and he lets out a breath, elated to finally see that pretty smile he’s been so desperate to see for the last eight days.

“Yeah, who’s gonna kill us? We’re firefighters, and we wouldn’t go down easy.” Eddie tries to joke, and your smile widens. Buck almost moans at the sound of your soft laugh, a grin breaking onto his face as he makes eye contact with Eddie over your head. They’ve won.

You finally go back to work for your next shift two days later, a small smile on your face as you greet Tara. She explains the new people your boss has hired as you begin to work, and you almost feel normal for an hour or two as she tells you that the new guy is an absolute idiot, and the girl is super nice. You’re excited to meet them, although you’re sure the man will make you want to punch him, but you hope that he’s at least nice. 

You’re extremely happy when your regulars walk into the bar. It means that they haven’t been brutally murdered by two masked men, and you feel yourself becoming a little less anxious. Maybe the masked men have found a new target, you think, because the killings haven’t stopped, but the man that the police had found yesterday wasn’t anyone you knew.

Both men walk you home at the end of the night, vowing that they’ll protect you and themselves the whole way, and you let them. You know that if the masked men want to kill them, they’ll kill them regardless of if you let them walk you home, so you quickly agree to them coming with you.

It’s still dark when you wake up from a deep sleep, a hand clasped over your mouth and the familiar feeling of a cold blade at your neck. You stare up at the masks with wide eyes, trying to blink away the darkness as they shush your soft whimpers in low tones. 

“Hey, sweet girl. You miss us?” one purrs, both of them tilting their heads to the side as they take in your fearful expression.

“It’s okay, honey. You’ve been so good for us; haven’t told a soul, have you?” the smaller one speaks, and you nod quickly. They hear your muffled “no, no” under the firm hand over your mouth, and chuckle darkly.

“And nothing’s going to happen to you, sweet girl. As long as you don’t say a word to anyone about us. You got that, baby?” the larger one says, and you nod quickly when the knife is removed from your neck. 

You try not to think about the pool between your legs as they stare down your body. You know you shouldn’t feel this way about these men; they’ve killed two people you knew, and countless others, but you can’t stop staring at their broad shoulders and muscular arms. 

With one swift motion, the smaller man hands the knife to the other man and then yanks your panties down your legs, the smirk evident in his voice when he speaks.

“You like being our little toy, don’t you, sweet girl? You’re fucking soaked.” You hesitate, and when the larger man takes his hand off your mouth and leans down to inhale the scent of your skin, you nod once.

“Yes. yes.” you whimper, closing your eyes and shivering as the smaller man’s glove-covered fingers ghost up your inner thigh.

“Then, you know the drill, baby.” is the last thing you hear before your eyes are covered by what you’re sure is the same blindfold they used last time. 

They do the exact same thing as the last time they broke into your apartment; one man playing with your tits while the other licks and nips at your dripping cunt. 

You realize almost immediately, though, that the way they touch you is extremely different. While the man whose mouth attached itself to your clit last time was desperate and eager, the other laps at your cunt in a way that’s almost sadistic. His teeth ghost over your clit before he bites lightly, and if it wasn’t for the knife firmly placed between the valley of your breasts, you’re sure you’d be screaming and writhing away from him.

Similarly, the man whose mouth and hand are attached to your sensitive breasts seems to be relishing in your pleasure. As you fight back whimpers and moans, all you can hear is the man’s voice continuously asking “you like that, sweet girl? You want more?” 

When they finally leave, you’re once again left in complete darkness. Your legs are weak, and you can still feel the cold remnants of spit around your nipples, which is now making you shiver as it dries in the cool air.

As you drift off to sleep, all you can think about is how fucking good they just made you feel, and why they haven’t made you do anything for them. You want to believe their words; you want to believe that they won’t continue killing if you continue with their arrangement, so you find yourself doing so as your eyes flutter shut. 

You can’t help but think that this arrangement isn’t half bad. You feel extremely guilty as the miniscule thought trumps the stampede of fearful ones in your mind, but you can’t help it. If all they want is this, you sort of don’t mind giving it to them, even if it makes your heart race and your hands shake in fear.

next chapter

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[hopelessromantic423]

My Tears Ricochet

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Summary: You were finally happy with Steve, until a character from your past appears as a reminder of what could have been.

Warning: ANGST. Cursing. Messy ending hehehe. Flashbacks are italics!!

A/N: Heyyy!! I’m back from the dead!! Maybe you’ll see me next year?!? Who knows!!

Inspired by My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift

"Ready honey?"

A smile spread across your face while hearing the lovely voice of your fiancé. Today was going to be one of the best days of your life. Your engagement party.

Swinging the door open, you found Steve beaming with excitement while taking in your look. "You look absolutely drop dead gorgeous sweetheart," Steve said like his breath was taken away.

"You don't look too bad yourself handsome."

"I think I've died and gone to heaven doll. There is no way you're real," Bucky spoke in barely a whisper while gathering you in his arms. You hadn't seen him smile like that in a while.

"Buck! We've got a party to go to!"

There it was again. Those memories flash every once and while but they never go away. The memories of you and your ex-boyfriend Bucky Barnes. He was your everything before Steve, but you moved on. You forced yourself to move on and let go.

"Honey?" Steve's voice called out to your inner thoughts.

"Sorry! I just got caught up in my thoughts for a second," you sighed with a frazzled expression. Steve gave a soft sigh and pressed a kiss to your forehead before lacing his fingers in yours. "The people are waiting for the soon to be bride."

The crowd of friends and family cheered as you made your way down the stairs with Steve to the living room area of Tony Stark's house. Thankfully, he agreed to host. Almost immediately you were pulled away to the kitchen where Natasha was pouring you a glass of champagne.

"There's so many people," you confided while leaning against the kitchen countertop.

"So many people that are excited to see you married." She handed you the glass. "I think everyone is migrating outside, it's beautiful out today."

The breeze was absolutely lovely. Everything about today was perfect. Except your thoughts that were so pent up with nerves it was impossible to enjoy a moment for longer than five minutes.

Steve stalked over to you with a soft smile, as he usually had when spotting you in a crowd.

"Buck is here, says he wanted to congratulate you." Steve knows about your past with Barnes, but he also still sees him as his friend. From the tone in his voice, something was going sideways with the new guest.

"Oh, okay," your body stiffened. "I'll be right back," you addressed your cousins. You haven't seen Bucky in a few months, where things did not go well.

"Tell me (Y/N)! Tell me that you don't miss us."

"I- I can't Bucky. Please, just leave."

"You didn't answer my question," he spoke in a softer tone. "Do you love him?"

"Of course I love him Bucky. We've been together for a while now."

"But do you love him more than me?"

"Go home Barnes," you shouted.

Bucky looked hopeless standing near your doorway. "I'm leaving I promise. Just say you'll remember one thing." At this point you had pushed him out of the doorway and he was holding the front door with his left arm.

"What? What could you possibly say right now?"

"Remember how we were. How much I loved you." Then you slammed the door in his face.

Bucky stood talking to Sam with a beer in his hand. His eyes scanned the room until they caught your figure walking towards him.

If I'm dead to you why are you at the wake.

"Congratulations (Y/N), I'm really happy for you."

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Grabbing his wrist, you drag Bucky into one of the guest bedrooms near the end of the hall. He followed quickly behind your shuffled steps with a confused look on his face. You slammed the door the second he got in the room.

"You can't just walk in here to my engagement party since you were completely against it a few months ago!"

"I can still show up when your fiancé invited me!"

"You knew he had a ring didn't you? That's why you showed up to my apartment?"

"Of course that's why I showed up! I was trying to save you from making the biggest mistake of your life!"

"The biggest mistake of my life was thinking that you loved me!"

The look plastered on Bucky’s face was one of pure shock. Like a bullet just ran through his chest.

"Y/N," he said softly with his eyes softening to a sad lull. "Don't say that. You know I loved you. You know how much you mean to me, that's why," Bucky took a moment to collect his thoughts with a breath, "that's why I left."

"You are full of bullshit Barnes," you almost shouted in a whisper. "I would've stayed with you if you gave me the option. You decided to leave. You're the reason I'm in a fucking white dress."

"So you end up with my best friend instead?"

You couldn't tell Bucky how you found yourself with Steve. The truth was that Steve was the closest thing to Bucky you could find in the universe.

"I hate you," you mumbled while taking Bucky's shirt in your fist and meeting his lips to yours.

"I hate you more," he mumbled in between kisses.

You stepped back and caught your breath. Bucky stood watching your every sway trying to read what your next move was.

"We'll talk about this later," you stated brushing your white dress off.

Too nervous to hear Bucky's response, you stepped out of the room leaving the brunette with a dumbfounded look and a light smirk printed on his lips.

[specialagentlokitty]

Eddie Diaz x Daughter!reader - so much time

Hej do you think you can write a part two of Eddie x daughter reader - so much time? Maybe they still have some struggle in their father daughter relationship? - Anon 💜

Part two:

Throwing your jacket on, you grabbed your keys and stuffed them into your pocket as you made your way towards the door.

“Oh you’re going out?” Eddie asked.

“Going for a drive with some friends.” You said.

Eddie nodded his head, looking around a bit unsure.

“I thought with Christopher at school maybe uh.. maybe you and I could do something…”

“Sorry dad.”

With that you left and jogged down the street to where your friends were waiting.

Eddie sighed heavily, unsure what to do now, since that day a few months ago you two had gotten a little better.

You talked a little more, sometimes you’d have dinner with him, but other than that, there was not much improvement between the pair of you.

And although Eddie knew he wasn’t, he couldn’t help but feel like he was loosing his only daughter, or maybe he already had.

Sitting in the couch, he turned on the Tv unsure what to do with his day off now.

You on the other hand jumped into the front of the car and grinned at your friends.

“Not spending time with your dad?” Ryan asked.

“Why would I?” You asked confused.

“Thought things were getting better.” He shrugged.

You glanced over at him on the drivers side and you went back to looking as the houses passed your by.

“Is that why you asked me to take you on a drive?”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to him Ry, like sure we talk a bit more, spend a bit more time together but it feels weird.”

“Come on, he’s your dad. Surely it’s not that bad.”

“We haven’t had a proper conversation for years.”

“Shit…”

Ryan glanced at you and he sighed as he turned back to the road.

“I mean, at least he’s trying at least you know? That’s something.”

“I guess, but only cause I nearly died.”

“He loves you don’t be such a bitch about it.”

You slapped his arm and he laughed a little, grinning at you.

“Come on though, really, you can’t tell me you don’t want a relationship with your dad.”

“No of course I do, it’s just weird. Like, what do we even talk about?”

“School, his work, stuff you like I guess. I don’t know really.”

“Well, what do you talk to your mom about?”

“Everything.”

You nodded your head and went back to gazing out of the window.

You didn’t know what to talk to your dad about really, it felt awkward and neither of you really knew how to pick up where you left off.

“Come on man, it can’t be that bad.” Buck said.

Eddie looked over at his best friend.

“She literally leaves the house the first chance she gets.”

“She wants to spend time with her friends, that’s understandable right?”

Eddie sighed, nodding his head.

“Of course it is, but it’s like we don’t even know each other. I’m a stranger to my own daughter.”

Buck looked over.

“What happened between you guys?” He asked.

Eddie began to explain everything to Buck, to give him a picture of the whole story, from when you were a kid until now.

Now where you won’t even give him the time of day unless you didn’t have anything else planned.

Buck took a small breath and nodded his head.

“Message her now, just ask her if she wanted to get some dinner or something when she’s home.”

“She won’t.”

“Just ask her Eddie.”

Eddie picked up his phone and sent you a text.

Hearing your phone go off you pulled it out your pocket and looked at it.

Dad: do you want to go to your favourite place for dinner?

“He asked if I wanted to get dinner.”

“Say yes.”

“Why?”

“Oh just do it.” Ryan laughed.

You shrugged a little bit.

You: sure. I don’t know when I’ll be back.

You spent most of the day with Ryan, and instead of dropping you at home he dropped you off outside your favourite food place.

Eddie was stood waiting and he smiled when he saw you.

“Hey, good day?” He asked.

“Yeah, we just drove around really, spent a few hours at the beach.” You nodded.

Your dad nodded and opened the door for you, and you both sat down at a table.

And like every time it was just as awkward as ever as you waited for your food.

“How about we make this a weekly thing?” Eddie asked.

“Really? Why?”

Eddie sighed.

“I want to be your dad like I used to, where you’d come to me for everything.”

You nodded your head a little.

“I guess I could spare some time.” You smiled.

“Spare some time, really?”

“I’m a busy person dad.” You shrugged.

Eddie laughed a little.

“You spend your days going on drives and spending all your money.”

“Exactly, busy.”

Eddie smiled softly and you smiled back.

“It’s just… it weird you know? Like I know you’re my dad, but I feel like I don’t know you.”

“I understand it fully. And I know that’s my fault, I just want to fix it.”

“Same.”

Eddie smiled and handed you your drink as it came.

“So, tell me about school.”

“Well, you’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

“That much huh?”

“There’s a lot of drama.”

You began to tell Eddie about school, and the awkwardness began to fade.

It was still there, but as you talked away Eddie had some hope that maybe things were getting a bit better or at least he hoped they were

[littlespoonevan]

left half my heart in our living room

that episode did severe emotional damage to my psyche and then i turned on grow by sigrid and proceeded to make it worse :) i don’t know what this is i just needed to write some words because buck and eddie said So Many words in this ep and i felt all of them 💔

spoilers for 6x15

-

I feel like she sees me.

The sentence sticks in Eddie’s head. Niggling at the base of his skull like an itch that won’t go away.

“You’re quiet,” Buck says when they’re on the way home from the cemetery and it’s around that moment that Eddie realises he hasn’t said anything since they got in the jeep. Too consumed by their conversation from before.

I feel like she sees me.

He looks over at Buck now, one hand on the steering wheel, one resting on his lap, and he looks…comfortable, on first glance. But then Eddie notes the tense set of his shoulders and the way he seems to be staring at the road a little too hard, like he’s purposefully trying not to look in Eddie’s direction.

For one bitter moment, Eddie wonders if Natalia would notice those things but he shakes the thought away. He shouldn’t put this on her. She only knows what Buck’s told her.

“Do you really believe that?” he asks finally, voice quiet and a little bit too tentative. “That she sees you better than-“ me “-than any of us?”

Buck’s mouth parts and it’s clear he hadn’t expected the question. Eddie watches him while he works himself up to an answer – the way he shifts in his seat, the way his eyes dart to the rearview mirror instead of Eddie himself, the careful intake of breath before he finally decides to speak.

“I mean, it’s different,” is what Buck settles on. “Her perception of death and how it affects you, it’s-“

“Because none of us have ever had any experience with death,” Eddie can’t help cutting in.

“Eddie,” Buck sighs and it sounds like please.

“Chimney’s heart stopped last year,” Eddie says. “And when I got-“

“She doesn’t look at me like I’m a ghost, alright?” Buck says, sharp and slicing through Eddie’s intended comment about his own brush with death.

The words make him stop short. He clenches and unclenches his fists in his lap as he digests them. "What d’you mean?”

Buck sighs again and it seems more upset than before. “Maddie, Bobby, you- you all look at me like…like you’re not even sure I’m really here. Like I’m gonna disappear at any minute. You think I don’t see it but I do.”

“Because you died, Buck,” Eddie exclaims, frustrated and weary and more vulnerable than he’d planned on letting himself be. “You died. And for three minutes and seventeen seconds I thought I was going to have to live in this world without you and I didn’t want to.”

That makes Buck clap his mouth shut and he doesn’t say anything else but Eddie can see the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. The car stops abruptly then and he takes stock of his surroundings for the first time since they got in the jeep. They’re outside his house now.

He takes a measured breath and unclips his seatbelt, shooting a wary look in Buck’s direction. His hands are still gripping the steering wheel and he’s staring straight out the windscreen but he cut off the engine, at least.

“Come inside,” Eddie requests softly, climbing out of the jeep and not waiting to see if Buck follows.

He lets himself into the house and hears the slam of Buck’s car door as he’s dropping his keys on the side table. He hesitates when he gets to the living room, unsure whether he should keep travelling to the kitchen or just drop down on the couch and bury his head in his hands.

Buck comes inside before he can decide, the click of the door soft as he closes it behind himself.

“You looked at me like that too,” Eddie says without turning around. It’s easier saying it without Buck looking at him, even though he can feel Buck’s stare like a brand on his back. “After the well. And- and the shooting. I remember.”

“I’m used to losing people,” Buck says after a beat. “The fact that I got to keep you felt like a trick somehow. Like if I looked away for too long you’d be gone again.”

Eddie huffs a humourless laugh, feeling tears sting behind his eyes. He finally turns, finding Buck standing in the entryway. He gives Eddie a helpless shrug when their eyes meet.

“And I’m not allowed to feel like that?”

“You are,” Buck insists, body shifting like he’s about to charge forward but in the end he only takes one step. “I just don’t know what to do with it.”

“Why not?” Eddie asks and they’re teetering dangerously close to a conversation they’ve never let themselves have before but he doesn’t know how to stop pushing either.

Buck answers anyway.

“Because if I think about how much you see me – how much I let you see without you even asking – I feel terrified. Because I’ve spent years trying to get you to let me all the way in but it’s really fucking scary to imagine me doing the same thing. To believe that you’d even want that.”

Eddie works his jaw, swallowing against the heaving ache in his chest. He gets it, is the thing. No matter how much they’ve taken care of each other, no matter how much they’ve acted as one another’s soft place to land, there’s still a voice in the back of his head that says, you’re being a burden. Stop it.

“I don’t care if you want to start dating again-“ Lie. That’s a lie. “-but don’t- don’t say-“

As if sensing he can’t actually get the words out, Buck immediately starts shaking his head. “I won’t,” he says. “I won’t. I’m sorry.”

Eddie nods, clears his throat, and glances between the couch and the dining room. He doesn’t know what to do now, doesn’t know how they go back to having a casual beer, but before he can come up with something to say to break the tension Buck is stepping forward, crowding into his space and folding him into a hug.

I don’t remember the last time we did this, Eddie thinks even as his muscle memory reacts. His arms come up around Buck, one hand gripping his shoulder while the other wraps around his waist. Buck’s face burrows into his shoulder and Eddie only hesitates for half a second before he presses his temple against the exposed line of Buck’s neck and breathes him in.

“I’m not gonna disappear,” Buck whispers and, ridiculously, it makes fresh tears spring behind Eddie’s eyelids.

“Me either,” he replies and Buck’s arms tighten around him in response.

And he thinks they’re at an impasse now, a sort of crossroads they can’t turn back from but aren’t able to move forward from yet either.

If this is where they have to stay for now, he thinks he might be okay with that.

[missmagooglie]

Prefacing this by saying this is not what I EXPECT to happen in 7x09 and 7x10, it's just one specific scenario that I feel particularly feral about right now... so with that said, I'm gonna throw out a dream scenario for the end of S7:

Tommy and Buck are dating and it's going well. Buck is just sort of blossoming in his new identity as a queer man. There's a self-confidence and assuredness to him that we haven't seen before

Meanwhile, Eddie has broken things off with Marisol and is quietly going through his own reevaluation of his sexuality. His awareness of his queerness happens pretty simultaneously with his realization that the way he loves Buck isn't entirely platonic, but he keeps it to himself because Buck is happy with Tommy

Episode 9 finds Eddie and Buck together off duty. Maybe they're having an argument. Maybe on the surface they're arguing about something small but somehow it feels much bigger

Mid-argument some emergency strikes. Buck and Eddie are trapped together and it's BAD. They're both in mortal peril, but it's worse for Eddie. Eddie hopes help will arrive in time to save Buck, but he's pretty sure he won't be alive to see it

(And I just want to stress - I feel like it's essential that they are off duty when this happens. They are in sync on the job, it's how they fit together outside of the job they're still figuring out)

So Eddie gets Buck's attention - because Buck hasn't given up yet. He won't. He CAN'T. He's frantically searching for solutions as Eddie repeats his name in a weakened voice, until finally he cracks and says, "Evan, please. I need you to hear this."

And in the final seconds of episode nine, Eddie Diaz looks Evan Buckley dead in the eye and tells him, "I love you"

Episode ten opens on an unrelated disaster, just to keep us gnashing our teeth a little longer

Maybe we throw some flashbacks in there for good measure

Check in on the rest of the firefam frantically trying to coordinate a rescue effort

But FINALLY they cut back to Buck and Eddie in mortal danger and replay the last few moments of episode 9. And believing these are the last words he'll ever say, Eddie tells Buck how much he loves him. He says he's sorry he realized it too late, but he could never, never regret loving him

Somehow there's a callback reference to Mitchell and Thomas, and the way Buck looked at their clasped hands as they died, and Buck realizing that dying together was never the point of their story. Living together was

And Buck is full sobbing and begging him not to give up yet because Christopher needs him and the team needs him and finally saying "and I need you, Eddie. You can't leave me. You can't-"

We get the sense that Buck is on the cusp of a love confession of his own, but before he gets the words out he's cut off by the sound of helicopter blades overhead.

Their miracle rescue arrives in time, led by none other than Buck's starting-to-be-something-serious boyfriend Tommy

After the rescue, we see Eddie in the back of the ambulance, stable and out of danger, and Buck's about to go over to him but Tommy comes running over and sweeps Buck up in his arms and kisses his temple and says, "thank god you're ok. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you"

And Buck lets himself be held, but his attention is over Tommy's shoulder looking at Eddie

Eddie, who's gonna be ok

Eddie, who loves him

Eddie, who is the absolute center of Buck's world, but Buck has never allowed himself to think of That Way

And Eddie meets Buck's eye over Tommy's shoulder and gives him a sad smile that lets Buck know he intends to go back to quietly loving Buck at just a little bit of a distance so that Buck can be happy with someone else

And just to really twist the knife, we get an overheard piece of dialogue in which Eddie refers to Buck as his "best friend" for the literal first time ever (I'm pretty sure? Up til now, any time the "best friend" label has been used it's been by Buck, but please correct me if I'm wrong.)

And the season ends there

Cue the entire fandom going APESHIT for the entirety of the summer hiatus

[littlestarbigsky]

peril angst ahhhhhh

so i posted a short version of this earlier this week and im obsessed with this concept so now theres a whole fic and all the accompanying angst. eat up babes😚

pony and soda pretended not to notice, but they knew. actually, they knew much more than darry thought they did. there were things he was just bad at hiding and they all silently agreed not to discuss it, but there were also things that darry actively hid from them. they knew anyways, though. but darry didn’t need to know that.

they all knew he stayed overnight at paul’s house after football games… sure, they all liked to buddy around after a win, downing a couple of beers a piece while paul’s parents were out of town on business. darry was never quite sure if his brothers knew that the rest of the guys were back home by their curfew at midnight.

it had seemed innocent enough for a while, until darry started staying over for whole weekends. nights when they didn’t even have a football game to cover for them, darry sneaking back in just in time to catch a few hours of sleep before school on monday.

everybody knew that something had happened with paul. darry had long since given up pretending it hadn’t, and they’d all figured out the hard way that whatever happened his senior year was something darry would probably never talk about again.

things seemed to get hazy when darry graduated and paul introduced him to bob, the new kid who had just transferred from the prep school. they’d gotten along fine and everything that summer had been alright until it came up that darry was from the east side.

the phone bill started to go down as darry stopped making so many calls across town. it had been weeks since paul’s white t-bird was honking outside their house. all of a sudden, darry was spending more and more nights bugging the gang to play football in the lot, going over to buck’s to play pool with dally, hell, he even went on something of a bender with two-bit right before he left for school.

as much as their parents bugged him about finding a girl he liked at school, all he had to talk about his classes. every now and then he would talk about the football guys, and how they were just never as close as his high school team was.

pony and soda watched him change. before paul and after paul, night and day.

they had all pretended not to notice paul lingering in the back row of the church the day of the funeral. he didn’t even have the nerve to come up and speak to them or stay long enough to merit taking off his coat, maybe even follow the funeral procession to the cemetery to catch darry when there weren’t so many people.

he had told his brothers that he was meeting some of his old friends, that he would be back late and not to wait up for him. soda and pony didn’t discuss it, not even with each other, but they watched him drive off in beverly’s baby blue corvette with a pit of sickening dread in their stomachs.

what soda and pony didn’t know was that it was the first time in near a year that things had felt like they had before. the first time since his parents died that people talked to him like he wasn’t made of glass, like saying the wrong thing would shatter him into a billion shards.

they went down to their old favorite spot, down by the river where they could skip rocks and no one would hear them if they got a bit too drunk and started shouting. bob’s parents were out of town, so he had more than enough liquor for all of them, and trip and brill had brought more packs of cigarettes than darry had ever seen in his life.

it was all so much. he had just had the worst week of his life, who could blame him for losing control?

soda and pony didn’t know that none of them drank anything, not so much as a drop. even chet had abandoned his cigarettes for the night. they just let darry keep on downing beers until he couldn’t see straight. they didn’t know that when bev started joking around about jumping into the river, darry had been too drunk to know that they were egging him on.

he forgot that it was january. he forgot that he was way too far gone to be able to swim. he forgot that he didn’t have parents anymore, that his brothers needed him now.

nothing sobers you up quite like a freezing river with an unforgiving rip current.

even through his numb and drunken haze, darry knew the moment he hit the water that it was a mistake, that they had set him up.

flailing in the icy water, watching them pile into that stupid blue corvette, he tried to scream. whether it was out of anger, to get them to come back so he could knock their teeth out, or fear, because god he was dying, but he just swallowed more filthy river water. he could hardly keep his head above the water for long enough to gasp in fresh breath, let alone cough out the water he had inhaled. for a moment, one terrifying breath of time, he knew he was going to die.

what pony and soda never managed to figure out was how. sure darry was alive, and sure he had made it out, but how? death had come for their brother, just like it had their parents, but something had stopped it.

something had grabbed darry around the waist and hauled him back to the riverbank and dragged him up into the grass, the weight of him familiar. that something had pressed an ear against his chest and listened for a heartbeat, and for a moment, remembered that feeling from a lifetime ago; when there was nothing between them but a thin sheet and dumb love. fresh water dripped off of chocolate brown curls, steely blue eyes watering as he whispered, “i’m sorry… i’m so sorry…”

darry woke up alone, soaking wet, covered in mud, and colder than he had ever been in his life, and all he could do was roll onto his side and throw up into the grass. it took him at least fifteen minutes to gather the strength to push himself off the ground, realizing he wasn’t getting any warmer.

none of them knew how he managed to get back home, still drunk off his ass, tripping over his trembling, hypothermic legs, barely able to see four feet ahead of him in the dark.

darry didn’t remember getting home, but soda did. sitting outside on the porch, a blanket over his legs. he heard darry before he saw him, coughing up a lung halfway down their block. he’d sprinted to meet him, is heart falling straight through to his stomach as he saw darry’s soaking wet clothes sticking to his chest and arms, water dripping down his face from his hair.

soda remembered throwing the blanket around his shoulders and hurrying to get him inside the house. it wasn’t that much warmer in there, but it was better than nothing. he saw darry’s blue lips and red eyes, skin white as snow. he had sat him down on the couch, wrapped in the blanket like a straight jacket and shaking uncontrollably.

ponyboy remembered walking out of his bedroom to get a glass of water to see soda changing darry’s clothes for him, the waterlogged clothing landing heavily on the floor. soda was muttering to himself, but it seemed like darry was bordering on catatonic.

“soda?”

soda whipped around to see their little brother in the kitchen, mouth hanging open, looking like he was about to be sick.

“i thought you were in bed,” soda answered shakily, not stopping his ministrations.

“what-” pony tried to say. “what happened to him?”

soda let out a strange squeak from the back of his throat, “i… i don’t know, honey.”

pony watched silently as soda got darry changed and into a sweatshirt and pajama pants, toweling his hair dry and help him stand up on legs that no longer seemed willing to support him. pony rushed over, grabbing darry from the other side, and helped soda get him into bed. without saying a word, they both crawled in next to him, extra blankets tucked around all three of them.

god, they remembered being so scared, what if darry had really been sick? what if he hadn’t made it home and nobody found him? he needed to be okay. he had to be.

darry woke up the next morning with a splitting migraine and cottonmouth and his two brothers curled up around him. he only remembered fragments of what had happened, but the sight of the two of them bundled up in blankets and trying to keep him warm…

he never wanted to forget.

[testingthewatersss]

Snow Trigger warnings for PTSD, mentions of war, torture, flashbacks etc. Bucky Barnes x F Reader Oneshot 4580 words Angst, comfort, fluff.  18+ MDNI You always tell him not to blame the weather, but that's easier said than done.

Snow was falling thick, and fast, fluttering down outside of the large windows that made up one of the walls of the common room.

Bucky was watching. He’d been watching since 3am, and it was almost 7 now.

“Is it setting?”

Y/N’s voice seems to take him off guard, but only for a moment. He turns towards her, before nodding and returning his attention the white expanse of the grounds.

“Good” she murmurs, stroking his shoulder as she walks towards the kitchenette, “I love the snow.”

He scoffs at that.

Of course you do, he thinks dryly.

“Don’t look at me like that, Barnes” she scolds playfully, “It’s not the weathers fault that bad things happened in it.”

He hadn’t even started watching her again, but he had, so he stops, pointedly staring out of the window again.

“Want a re-fill?”

There’s an empty mug by his knee. He’s perched on the bench, nose practically pressed against the glass, and it’s obvious from the stiffness of his movements that he hasn’t moved much since he sat down.

“Please, doll”

This time, she kisses him. Pressing her lips against his brow as she retrieves his cup in silence.

“Did you get any sleep?” she asks when she’s back in the kitchen, “I didn’t notice you slipping out.”

“Couple of hours, maybe”

She hums, accepting his response and adding an extra cube of sugar into his coffee.

“You could’ve woken me” Y/N reminds him, passing him his drink,

This time, she doesn’t walk away. She leans against the window, drinking from her own mug, and letting her free hand brush against his arm.

He reaches up for her fingers, tangling them in his flesh ones and bringing them to his lips.

She smiles as he rubs his face against her knuckles;

“You need to shave” she teases, taking the hint and stroking his cheek, “Unless you’re planning on growing it out?”

Bucky thinks she sounds almost hopeful. He finds himself wondering if she’d like that, if she’d like him better with a beard.

He doesn’t ask, but something must show behind his eyes, because the woman he’s with chuckles breathily, and shakes her head-

“You know I think you’re gorgeous, Buck”

He rolls his eyes, but, his stomach does unfurl a little.

“Gorgeous and exhausted” she adds as he lefts her hand go, “When did you last get a full nights sleep, huh?”

“1932” he replies, tone calm, “I’m alright, doll— really, I just, I just can’t settle”

His gaze flickers back to the falling snow, and she hears herself let out a sigh.

“Is it warm enough, or shall I get Tony to give the heatin’ a boost?”

“It’s fine” he says, “You do too much, doll, you and your brother- I can’t keep askin’-”

“you never ask for anything” she cuts in, “Seriously, Buck, I don’t think I remember a single time you’ve asked us for-”

“I’m always causin’ you problems” he grumbles, looking between the view, and his drink, “always takin’ things from ya’, things I— things I don’t-”

“Hey” She calls, “Look at me.”

He does.

Instantly, his eyes snap to hers, and any words he’d been meaning to say have died in his throat.

Her hand is warm from the drink she’s just placed on the small table she’s stood beside. She moves it slowly, so he’ll know it’s not a threat, but still, despite all of that, he finds himself snapping his head to the side to protect himself from a slap.

It’s a jerky movement that he manages to control. His eyes stay trained on her, even though almost screwed them shut.

“Breathe” she reminds him softly, “You’re alright.”

The nod he gives her is timid, but as her palm finally softens against his cheek, he lets out a shallow breath that melts against the window.

“You don’t cause me problems” she says calmly, “and you don’t take much, either… maybe a coffee, here and there, but I’d say all things considered-”

“I take up half your time” he replies, voice small, “doll, I- I love you— You’re… you’re everythin’ t’me and I… I know I must get on your nerves sometimes but I-”

Y/N shakes her head, looking down at the surface he’s perched on,

There’s enough room, she decides, gesturing for him to budge up;

He takes the hint, shuffling a little so that she can sit behind him.

His legs have too bend, and her back is against the wall, but within the space of a minute, he’s curling himself into the new arrangement, letting himself lean back into her chest.

“I love you too” she tells him honestly, “You could take up all my time and I’d be happy about it”

Bucky scoffs at that, even though the sound is tempered by the mug he’s brought up to his lips.

“I’m serious” she counters, “When I tell you that you can wake me up anytime, or come to the office out of hours to find me, you think I’m just, bein’ polite?”

He doesn’t reply to that. He doesn’t really know what to say.

“I love you-” she repeats, a little more firmly, “-so, if you need it warmer, then tell me, okay? we can do that-”

“It’s not that” he mumbles, “I just… I can’t sleep, darlin’ I… I can’t, and then when I do, it’s like… god, you— you’re gonna’ think I’m crazy—”

“I know you’re crazy, Barnes” she teases, “I’m still here”

She is, he thinks, despite everything I’ve done, she’s still here.

“I see things” he confesses, “It’s like I’m dreaming but… but more, real, y’know and it’s, it’s so sharp, it’s…” he takes in a shaky breath, “It feels like it’s happenin’ and then, I wake up, and it’s only been 10 minutes, maybe 20 tops, doll— 20 is the longest I’ve seen it last and it, it hurts, not just… not just in my head, and it’s, it’s not always because whatever I’m seein’ is painful it’s, it’s when I wake up, the exact moment I come round it, it’s like I’m-”

“being shocked?”

He’s silent, then. Gawking at his own reflection in the window.

She doesn’t speak again, so eventually he nods.

“yeah…” he agrees, “yeah, it feels like… it feels like electricity”

“You’re not crazy” she tells him, pressing her lips against the back of his head, “has this been happening-”

“ever since I got out” he tells her sadly, “I’m tryin’— I swear, but it… it’s-”

“It’s not your fault, sweetheart”

It’s clear from the look on his face, that that takes him totally be surprise;

“You know what’s wrong with me” he realises

“There’s nothing wrong with you” Y/N counters quickly, “but, yeah, I know what’s happenin’ and why”

The way he’s turned himself to face her is awkward, considering their position, but still, she smiles at him as reassuringly as she can before drawing in a breath and getting ready to begin her explanation.

“If you’re trying to keep somebody under any type of mind-control then them sleeping isn’t ideal” she says, “It lets the mind rest, and heal, and deeper stages of REM sleep help the subconcious to process events, y’know? It helps everything heal.”

Bucky nods, to show he’s following her-

“So, the last thing HYDRA wanted, considering that their way of ‘programming’ you relied so heavily on that not happening, was to have you passing out for a decent amount of time” she continues, “Having you in a cryo tank was perfect, really, because it’s not sleep. It’s not resting, really, it’s just putting everything on pause, including the brain”

He blinks, and Y/N finds herself reaching up, to stroke his cheek again.

This time, he doesn’t flinch. He keens back into the contact, relishing in the skin on skin.

“but” she murmurs, “they had to have you out of there sometimes, right? There’s no point having an asset who can’t come out of the freezer for more than a couple of hours at a time— so, they needed to find a way to stop you from sleeping.”

“is… is that possible?”

“Not really” she says with a sad smile, “It’s nature, and you’re human, serum or not— There’s only so much your body can take before exhaustion kicks in and you pass out”

He nods in agreement, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment.

“But, they didn’t really care about breaking you” she sighs, “and keeping you as ‘blank’ as possible was a priority so, they did what they could, and it worked.”

“Do you know what it was?” he asks, already assuming that she does.

“I’d wager it included pumping you full of drugs, sticking you in a cell, and tasing you every time you’d been unconscious for more than 20 minutes in a row”

Bucky grimaces,

“20 minutes is around the usual time someone is asleep before they hit the REM cycle” she explains, “anything before that is just ‘light’ sleep, it’s enough to keep someone alive, y’know? It covers the basic ground work, but any actual recovery is happening later on in the cycle, so, from a HYDRA officer’s perspective, training you to function on that bare minimum will’ve been ideal, because then, they could send you off on missions that lasted days, and trust that you’re not going to pass out and undo any of the fiddling they’ve done in there-”

Her thumb brushes his temple like a kiss, and he suddenly feels very, very sick.

“So, they… they made it so I… I literally can’t sleep?”

“It won’t have taken them long” she says, “a couple of days of constant conditioning and your body will’ve adapted.”

“I…I can’t remember anythin like that-”

“No” Y/N agrees, “No, you’ll have blocked that out, love, it’s… it’s probably better that way, I don’t think you’d be any better off if you did”

So, I might’ve been tortured into never sleeping again, but at least I don’t remember the process, he thinks, almost bitterly,

“Is this just it, then, doll?”

Y/N feels her head tilt in response to his question. She brushes a stray curl back behind his ear as she shakes her head,

“No” she says, “No, Buck… you can retrain yourself, but it… it’s a little more complicated.”

“Why?”

“Because” She says “using some type of stimuli is what makes the technique so effective— It’s the shock and the pain from the shock that makes the body learn what not to do.”

Oh, he realises,

“And we can’t just torture me to sleep”

“No” Y/N chuckles sadly, “No, sweetheart, we can’t.”

He nods, defeated.

“But” she begins, “we can do what we did with the rest— what we’re doing, with the rest.”

“The rest?” he asks, confused, “the rest of what?”

“The rest of the bullshit they had you scared of” she explains, “This wasn’t the only thing they’d trained you on”

No, he thinks, No, it wasn’t.

“You’re gettin’ so much better” she tells him proudly, “I mean god, Buck— you don’t ask me for permission to sit down, anymore, or to eat— you come and find me, when you need me, and you go to the gym with Steve, you never would’ve been able to do any of that half a year ago, remember? you—”

“Couldn’t have done any of it without you” he cuts in, “Y/N, I- I couldn’t have handled any of this if you hadn’t been so patient with me in the beginning and even now, even now I still forget sometimes and-”

“But that’s what I’m saying” she says,“It’s going to take time, love, because we’re not using pain as a deterrent. We’re re-conditioning you to know that you’re safe, now, and that’s a lot more complicated than just making rules for someone to follow, and hurting them if they break them.”

“and… and we can do that with sleeping?”

He sounds so small, so honestly hopeful, that Y/N can’t help but smile;

“Of course we can, love”

Love

The sweet natured term of endearment makes him blush as he nuzzles into her hand,

“It’s going to take time” she murmurs, “but, every time you wake up, and it hurts, and you’re scared— then I’m going to tell you that it’s okay, that you’re safe, and then we’re going to breathe it out, and help you fall back to sleep until eventually, your subconcious relaxes, and it’s not just a few minutes at a time, and then-”

“Eventually” he whispers, “eventually, you think I’ll be able to make it through the night?”

“I know you will.”

She sounds so certain that he can’t help but believe her.

“and do, do you think the… the things I see, when I’m… when I sleep, will those-”

“That’s different, sweetheart”

Now her voice is laced with sympathy, and Bucky can’t help but swallow as he feels a terrible swell of dread settle in his core.

“Dreams are your minds way of processing things” she says, “There’s nothing anyone can do to stop them, and, honestly, considering how much you’ve got bottled up that you never really got to process, I’d say that they’re not going to lighten up any time soon.”

At least she’s honest, he thinks, at least she’s telling me the truth,

“But… you—You, won’t… You won’t kick me out, if I— if I-”

“No” she’s quick to promise, “No, Bucky, I’m never goin’ to be upset with you for not bein’ able to handle a nightmare, okay? I love you, and none of this is your fault.”

He almost can’t believe that she means what she’s saying. But then, he looks at her, and remembers how good she is, how in love with her he is and how, no matter how much he might not like her answers, she doesn’t ever lie to him.

“I love you more” he whispers, “I didn’t want to wake ya’ today” he admits, “..I felt bad, and I— I wanted to let ya’ sleep in”

“Because you’re sweet” she murmurs, leaning in to kiss him, “You’re sweet, and thoughtful and tired”

He chuckles, rubbing his nose against hers.

“C’mon, try and cat nap, huh?”

Her suggestion makes him cock his head curiously,

“I’m stayin’ right here, we have a couple’ more hours until the others start swarming” she says, “so, why don’t you cuddle up, and try and get a little bit of rest?”

“and when I… when I wake up?”

“You must’ve gotten real good at hiding it” she notes, “because I’ve been spent whole nights asleep next to you without noticing”

He hums considerately before replying,

“the shock… Its like it.. it stops me from moving, and I don’t scream, doll, I- y’know I can’t really do that, they-”

“They didn’t like that.”

He shakes his head

“So” she exhales, taking his mug and placing it on the ground, “Now, we’re going to work on you letting me know when you wake up, okay?”

He bites his lip, clearly nervous as she guides him back down against her chest.

“How? H-how would I do that?”

The waver in his voice breaks her heart. She holds him a fraction tighter, and adjusts their position so that he’s curled up between her thighs,

“Any way you want” she purrs, “You can move? You can do anythin’ at all, just try and let me know- and if it hurts, if it hurts, then you can try and tell me that too”

“I… I’ll try” he replies, “But I… I don’t know how I’d… I’d tell ya’ if it hurts, I- I never— they… the things they’d do if I made a fuss ‘bout things like that, I-”

“We’ll work on it, love”

She sounds so calm, so stable, that all he can do is exhale, nodding in acceptance as he lets himself settle impossibly further into their embrace.

Within minutes, he’s sleeping.

Or, he seems to be, at least.

To feed her own curiosity if nothing else, Y/N looks at her watch the second she realises that his breathing pattern has changed. She makes a note of the time, and then, she watches him.

He appears to be peaceful, or, well— he’s still.

Of course he is, she thinks dryly, if he’s too scared to react to the feeling of being electrocuted, he’s hardly going to be tossing and turning, is he?

She consoles herself by stroking his hair, by soothing him the way she does when he has woken her up- When he’s been thrown back into reality from a nightmare so heinous that even decades of conditioning can’t stop him for begging for mercy.

Her fingers run through his hair, she hushes him, and whispers gentle terms of endearment into the air above his head,

and then, when it has been exactly 17 minutes since he’d closed his eyes,

he misses a breath, the regular rise and fall of his chest falters, and his metal fingers tighten around the hem of her shirt.

“It’s okay” she murmurs, tone quiet, “It’s alright”

Terrified blue eyes roll up to her, and she can tell from the look behind them that he’s worried about being in trouble;

“Does it hurt?”

He gives her a small, jerky nod and bites his lip.

“Ouch” she exhales, hoping he’ll copy her.

“O-ouch…” he mimics, throat tight.

She beams at him, and nods.

“Want to go back to sleep?”

I can’t, is his initial, panic driven response, but then, he feels fingers in his hair, he feels her thighs carding him in and offers her a very, careful nod.

“Okay, love— I’m here, I’m right here”

With a deep, forced inhale, he shuts his eyes.

This time, Y/N notices how both of his hands stay fisted in her top. She notices how he’s hiding his nose in the crook of his metal arm, almost like he’s trying to protect himself from some kind of attack, and, finally she notices how actually, all of this really should’ve been obvious from the start.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart” she murmurs, “I should’ve picked up on this all sooner”

Unsurprisingly Bucky doesn’t reply. He stays silent, and unmoving for 11 more minutes.

It’s almost like clock-work. The second the hand on her watch flicks over, he gasps, and then he chokes, tensing every muscle in his body.

The whole thing seems less subtle this time around, though she suspects that’s because she knows what to look for now;

“Okay” she soothes, “Hey, sweetheart-”

Bucky gulps, adrenaline flooding his body as he tries to snap himself back to reality. He blinks three times fast, looking up at Y/N from his position against her chest;

“Ouch” he whispers, desperate for approval, “Ouch?”

“Yeah” Y/N agrees, carding his hair back, “Yeah, baby, ouch”

He nods, and then he hides his face, again.

For a moment, she considers that he might be trying to go back to sleep, but then, she notices the way his chest is heaving.

“Oh, Buck” she murmurs, using her arms to usher him closer to her front “C’mere, it’s alright”

He shuffles up until the his face is against the crook of her neck. He wraps his arms around her waist, and then, he’s sobbing.

“T-that o-one was bad, doll- I— I— I was- I was falling, I- I couldn’t see anything, and I— I- I was just—just falling, and th-then it… it it hurt so much”

“I’ve got you” she promises, “I’m right here”

He’s clinging onto her, she thinks, he’s holding onto her like he’s afraid going to disappear—

He is, she realises, he’s scared he’s going to snap back to being somewhere else.

That, is tragic. The way that he’s so painful unsure of himself, is tragic.

but, it’s not particularly surprising.

Not considering how long he’s spent being thrown back and forth from horrible, vivid nightmares, to cryo tanks and torture chambers and forced murders and now, to a friendly reality-

No wonder he has emotional whiplash, especially considering the way he’s been conditioned not to show any emotions at all.

“I’m sorry” he gulps, trying to reign himself back in, “I, god, I- I’m sorry”

He’s pushing himself up on his forearms, staring right at her as she shakes her head.

“No, Buck” she murmurs, “You did great—You’re doing great”

That seems to surprise him. His head tilts curiously, and as his lower lip trembles, she notes the way he doesn’t seem to lock his jaw to stop it.

“You did exactly what we talked about” she continues, “Remember?”

He does remember, so he nods. The praise in her tone helping his racing pulse to settle.

“I… I remember, doll, I— I- I think that’s why I- why I’m feelin’ it so much”

She doesn’t understand. He knows she doesn’t from the crease between her brows. It’s the same one that appears when she’s working in the labs and she can’t quite place the formula.

It’s so familiar, that he can’t help but smile at it, even though his eyes are still streaming.

“Normally, I— I just… I just try and stay still, and, and quiet so I don’t wake you up, or I get up and try and keep busy, I- I don’t usually think about what… what happened.”

“Is this better, or worse?”

She’s actually asking. She’s not just being polite, she’s genuinely interested, and it shows.

“Better, I think” he decides after a beat, “It… it’s not- not easy, but wi-with you here I feel— I feel safe, and it’s… it’s nice to get it out. It makes me feel human”

Y/N nods, smiling as she brings her fingers up to dry his cheeks.

“I love you” she murmurs, “I love you, and I’m so, so proud of ya’”

“Oh, god” he whispers, blushing now, “I… I love ya’ more— I don’t know what I’d do without ya’”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that, since I’m not goin’ anywhere”

Then, Bucky kisses her.

His metal hand comes up to cup her cheek, and he presses his lips against hers, like she’s oxygen and he’s drowning.

It’s so tender and sweet that Y/N can’t help but peck at his cheek when he finally pulls away.

“Look at that” she coos, nodding towards the window, where the snow is coming down thick and fast, “it’s really pilling up now”

Bucky chuckles, wiping the last trace of tears from his eyes as he nods.

“Hope Tony’s not plannin’ on takin’ any cars out”

“No” she sighs happily, “I don’t think he will be”

“You really like it, don’t ya’, doll?”

“I really do” she agrees, “It’s pretty, don’t ya think?”

“I suppose”

She laughs at that, and he thinks it sounds like music, like the nicest song he’s ever heard.

“Don’t blame the weather for what happened in it” she says, more gently than she’d said it earlier, “Didn’t you ever make snowmen as a kid?”

“Sure I did,” he tells her, “but, I spent half my winters growing up dragging Steve back inside”

“You’d think he’d have stayed inside by himself” she scoffs, “Unless he liked bein’ sick”

“Have you met Steve?” he replies dryly, “He’s got the self preservation of a plank of wood”

“True” she allows, “but, still… you must’ve had some fun”

“Some” he agrees, with a quiet edge of nostalgia, “I think I always preferred the bit that came after”

“Hmm?” she presses, hoping he’ll expand on his own.

After a second, he offers her another smile,

“Sometimes” he says, “My sisters would drag me out in it, and Stevie… he’d be over the moon, so off we’d go” he continues, “and then by the time I couldn’t feel my feet anymore we’d head back to the house— My ma would’ve filled up the tub by the fire, and the girls would go first, then Steve and then me… and then, once we were all warmed up she’d make us milk and honey and we’d all just… watch the windows and drink it… I- I always thought that was nicer than actually bein’ outside in it”

“You’re such a sweetheart” Y/N purrs, stroking his cheek again, “You just want to be cozy, huh?”

“I… I think that I’ve always been that way”

I bet you have, she thinks affectionately, You’re the softest man alive.

“Well” she whispers, “I can’t fill up a big tub for you to share with Rodgers, but, I can probably find some milk and honey for you?”

“Are you serious?”

He’s starring at her, wide eyed and pink cheeked, and she can’t help but press another kiss against his lips-

“I’m serious” she swears quietly, “Did she add anythin’ special, love? or was it just warm?”

“I… I think she’d put a stick of cinnamon in it if we had the money, doll- but, don’t, don’t worry, bout-”

She lets her finger drift over his mouth to silence him.

“I think I can manage that” she murmurs, “Why don’t you grab a blanket? Pick a spot and we’ll get comfy, yeah?”

“Can we stay here, doll?”

“Sure we can” she answers easily, already heading towards the kitchen, “We should have a couple of hours until the others start to surface— Did you make a date with Steve in the gym this mornin’?”

“No” he says, “He offered like always but I said my back’s been achin’ something fierce… told him I was goin’ to rest it up for a couple of days.”

Y/N hums considerately, carefully setting a pan of milk onto the heated stove. She watches as Barnes’ stands, following her suggestion of grabbing a blanket from the hidden bench he’d been sat on before settling himself back down on the surface.

He is being careful, she notes, Definitely bending from his knees—

“How long has it been bothering you?” she asks, dropping a small collection of cinnamon sticks into the now simmering pot, “and don’t just say it’s a lie you cooked up to get out of goin’ to the gym at 6am.”

The chuckle he gives her makes her even more certain that that had been his initial plan.

“About a week” he replies, “It comes and goes, Doll— it’s just been, y’know, coming more often than it’s going lately.”

She believes him, so she nods before stirring in honey to the mixture she’s tending.

“I’m not sure sparrin’ is helpin’ much” he scoffs, bringing his knees up to his chest, “I know he likes runnin’ through drills but, maybe I’m gettin’ too old—”

“You’re the same age, more or less” she quips, “I’m all for you bailing on the daily workouts, but you’ve gotta lie better than that”

He chuckles quietly, moving to stand as he sees her gathering mugs, she meets his eyes shaking her head,

“Stay down” she insists, “I have two hands.”

He surrenders silently, another sign, Y/N thinks, that his back really is bothering him.

“It might not be as good as your mothers” she warns, handing him the steaming mug, “But it’s hot and sweet”

“Just like you, doll”

She laughs, tucking herself back into her previous position so that he can go lean against her chest;

“I think we should take it easy today” she suggests softly, breath warm against the back of his neck, “No running, or meeting’s, or following Rodgers to head office… just- me and you, maybe some old movies…”

“God, sugar-” Bucky sighs, whole posture relaxing, “God, that sounds amazing"

[exhuastedpigeon]

Tease tidbit Tuesday

tagged by @devirnis @wikiangela @spotsandsocks @daffi-990

A little more from my outsider POV fic. It's already over 4k and the only member of the firefam to show up is Bobby.... Don't worry, they'll be coming in soon (probably).

Bobby doesn't actually clear anything up for Liliana when it comes to Buck and Eddie's relationship, so she has to make some assumptions.

“Off the job they still have each other’s backs,” Bobby says carefully, like he’s trying to find the right words. “They’ve both had some pretty serious injuries on the job and off the clock, both of them have almost died more than once. Each time the other one is right there to save them or to take care of them after. Hell - I’m pretty sure they’re each other’s power of attorney at this point.” “That sounds like they’re partners off the job too,” Liliana says. Everything Bobby is telling her fits into the idea that the two of them are in a relationship. She’d be shocked if they weren’t after everything she’s seen herself on social media, heard from other firefighters outside of the 118, and now hearing from Bobby.  “It’s more though,” Bobby laughs a bit as he says it. He’s talking faster now than he had before, like the words are pouring out of him “Eddie had pretty severe PTSD after everything he’s been through both on the job here and in the Army before and Buck supported him through all of that. He made sure Eddie’s son got to school, that Eddie got to therapy, that they had everything they needed.” “But they don’t have a relationship disclosure on file with the department, correct?” “Correct,” Bobby nods. “But I’m not sure if that’s because there isn’t a relationship to disclose or that they don’t want to give up having each other’s backs.” “Well, as I’m sure you know, there is no official policy about firefighters in relationships not being able to work the same shift,” Liliana says carefully. “Maybe they just need to be reminded about that.” “Maybe,” Bobby says and then adds. “Is it better or worse for the department if they’re in a relationship?” “Honestly, I’m not sure,” Liliana says with a shrug. “But I have to tell you Bobby, from the outside looking in it sure looks like they’re together and if they are together, and they’re both queer and willing to put their relationship out there, I don’t think it’ll hurt.”

no pressure tagging @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @wildlife4life @spagheddiediaz @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @malewifediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @weewootruck @monsterrae1 @loserdiaz @cal-daisies-and-briars @jeeyuns @rainbow-nerdss @callmenewbie and anyone else who wants to share!

[princessamericachavez]

I think a lot about every time 911 shows us Eddie understanding a little more about Buck in real time... 

(after cut because this got long but bare with me)

Like, the first season should be the most obvious, with the earthquake eps and the next one showing Eddie’s surprise/reaction to Buck’s immediate unconditional support when it comes to Christopher. You can literally see something click for him in Stuck, first when Buck clears Chris spending the day with them with Bobby, then when he introduces Carla to them. 

But then you have new and interesting glimpses at moments when Eddie found another piece of Buck’s puzzle. In Kids Today, for example, we see that Eddie’s approach to Buck’s “sulking” is rather closed off, almost cold, and it’s one of the very first time we hear him mention his father’s toxic masculinity preachings... but when Hen points out that Buck doesn’t have much outside of work, you can literally SEE the second it clicks in for Eddie. Not that Buck doesn’t have anyone, but that he doesn’t know he does. That he doesn’t understand. Which is why he brings Christopher over. Not to teach a lesson, but to show him he’s wrong and he has people who love him regardless.

While the whole lawsuit arc was probably illuminating, for me the real highlight when it comes to Eddie understanding Buck a little bit better is in the famous kitchen scene. Before they get all flirty with the sexual tension... we see Buck ask if maybe Eddie is still angry at him, if maybe Eddie wanted to fight/hurt him, and while Eddie pokes fun of Buck making this about himself, I think it’s a very big moment when he realizes how deep the self-loathing runs, that Buck cannot just accept the fact that he was forgiven, that he still things that Eddie wanted to/would under any circumstances hurt him. So he makes a point to say “I wouldn’t do that”, matter of factly (even if he later has to sidestep it with a joke because this is pre-therapy Eddie after all). 

Which of course later leads to The One That Got Away and Buck’s traumas shining through his relationship with Red and you can see how adamant Eddie is that no, Buck is not being left behind and no he isn’t losing the 118 family, and he’s annoyed when the others aren’t as quick to reassure him. But this is all part of Eddie-understanding-Buck-arc in s3 (remember the post-embolism thing i mentioned above). Which, of course, later becomes a punch in What’s Next? when Abby is back and Eddie sees real time one of the people who’ve filled Buck with abandonment and scars. Buck who, at this point, fyi, Eddie has already chosen as the person he trusts most to look after his son in case he dies.

Anyway, s4 is short but there’s treasures like What’s Your Grievance and Buck Begins, in which Eddie very clearly sees the roots of Buck’s pain and is already quick to validate his feelings and offer him a shoulder and space to vent. This Eddie is far more prepared than his counterpart at the beginning of s3 to see and understand Buck and offer his support openly. Which is what leads to the shooting and, more importantly, Buck once again acting like he’s expendable. And, because Eddie’s had this whole journey so far, he’s at a place where he can see better than the other characters that Buck doesn’t think himself invincible, he thinks himself disposable. But you can see the confusion in his face when Buck says it the first time, the moment —again— when he processes this new and painful information about his best friend. And he, once again, takes action with words of affirmation to show Buck that, again, he’s wrong. 

Now, by s5 Buck and Eddie know each other pretty well so there’s fewer surprises on Eddie’s side (s5, after all, it’s Buck’s turn to go through the journey of truly seeing Eddie’s scars and pain and being there for him) but I think about Home And Away, and how Eddie needs to do a double-take after he jokes that Chimney will not forgive Buck. Because it’s a joke, it’s meant to be, but the hurt in Buck’s eyes is so clear —because, again, he thinks himself easily discarded as soon as he screws up once— that he looks genuinely shocked that he has to clarify the joke in the first place. S5 keeps telling us Eddie already sees Buck, in little things like recognizing how Buck wants to fix things and how he might struggle with lack of control when he can’t help. 

Then s6 doubles down on the idea that Eddie already knows Buck so deeply, “it’s clearly bothering you”, knowing the happiness convention call was hard on him and teaming up with Chim to cheer Buck and Hen, picking up on his changes in habits and the fact that he might be hiding something, not joining the schedule to check on him after the lightning, being the one who offers the right space for Buck to open up... and then there’s the cemetery scene and there’s another DING moment when a new piece falls and Eddie realizes that Buck has changed, how could he not, and he’s now trying to catch up with whatever is wrong or new. And even then, he knows Buck enough to reassure him that he doesn’t need to pretend for anyone else’s sake. 

Anyway, I don’t know where I’m going with this, except for the fact that I love the journey these two have gone through and how we’ve gotten to see on screen (rather than just assume or be told) the moments that have slowly morphed Eddie’s perception of Buck from the cocky kid from day 1 to the rather hurt and vulnerable and open hearted man he truly is. 

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

And finally we’ve got the retolds with a twist! The ones where you’re utilizing your epic talent to revisit all the biggest Buddie moments from a slightly different angle that breathes new life into them! It’s so fun!!!

📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖 (they’re friends! Buck’s bi! They’re gonna fall in love! How do I always forget about them dealing with covid before it comes back up in these stories?! Lol you’d think that one would be a bit harder to forget considering i actually went through it too but 🤷🏻‍♀️)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 (I’d apologize for how many emojis that is except YOU JUST SHOT EDDIE! WHILE HE AND BUCK ARE ENGAGED! Like was that really necessary? (yes it was i love the angst) Can’t wait to see how this plays out especially with them already having the will and “you’re not expendable” conversations! Perhaps they’ll be replaced with an elopement conversation….)

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (i really love your shannon characterization! She’s such a real person and i love her! Also i just realized we’re approaching tsunami territory!!!! I have no idea how that’s gonna go down here but I can’t wait to find out!)

I hope you have fun answering all these and HAPPY PREMIERE WEEK!!! 22 million killer bees incoming!!!

- PCA <3

AWW thank you! You're literally always so kind and I want you to know it genuinely does mean a lot and is very validating.

48 for 📖 (omg I know covid is always SO ANNOYING to write around? I gotta do an au where it doesn't exist sometime):

---

His eyes begin to sting. Fuck. Fuck. He’s crying. 

“I’m just really glad you’re okay,” he blubbers. “I don’t know what I would’ve…”

He shuts his mouth. Stops himself. He barely manages to hold it all back. But he can’t finish his sentence. It feels far too much like a confession. 

I don’t know what I would have done if you died, because I love you, and I need you to always be okay. 

Eddie’s eyes widen a little. Even in their tired, droopy state, the realization in them is clear. He sees it. Fuck. Buck is screwed. 

“Uh,” Buck leans back in his chair, putting space between himself and Eddie. “Sorry. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Eddie rasps. “Buck…”

Buck stands. “Uh… I’m going to call Carla. Make sure our plans for tomorrow are still… Yeah.”

“Buck, wait a sec,” Eddie tries.

But Buck is already leaving. His hands are shaking. He doesn’t think he wants to be alone in the room with Eddie again. 

xx.

Buck makes sure Carla is with Chris when Ana brings Eddie home from the hospital. He leaves beforehand. Goes right to Maddie’s. He can’t be around Eddie right now. He doesn’t trust himself not to completely spill over. He feels badly about it, but it’s better this way. And he can’t burden Eddie with any of this right now. Not with the recovery ahead of him.

“Oh, Evan,” Maddie says when he tells her everything. “It’s okay that you got emotional. You care about him. He knows that. It doesn’t mean he knows how you feel outside of that.”

“I don’t think I can pretend anymore, Maddie,” Buck sniffs. “He almost died. He almost died and his girlfriend thanked me for stopping by. You were right. I need space.”

---

96 for 🚨( Lol two snippets of shooting angst in a row I'm so sorry):

---

Basically, Buck does his best to keep things together in this looping, daily hell. He must be doing an okay job of it, he thinks. No one says he’s falling apart, even if he feels like he is. 

iv.

Eddie’s first thought when he can think again, is that death feels heavy and sluggish. Sore. Not at all what’s promised. It takes him longer, and the slowly regained ability to hear the beeping of hospital machinery, to realize that he isn’t dead at all.

He survived.

Somehow, he survived. 

Well, not somehow. He doesn’t remember a lot, but he remembers one thing. Buck. It’s not by chance that he survived being shot down in the street. It was Buck. Buck saved him. Which makes Eddie realize. Oh god. Buck had to save him. After everything that’s happened to him…

Eddie tries to open his eyes. It’s not easy. Each eyelid feels weighed down and the lights are blinding. He makes a hoarse, uncomfortable noise in the back of his throat. The most he can manage at the moment.

When his vision clears - at least as much as his dry, stinging eyes will allow - he tilts his head a little to the side. The motion sends a ripple of pain across his right arm, concentrated most acutely in his shoulder. He ignores it, trying to get his bearings. 

Beside the bed Eddie is stuck in, is Buck. He’s slumped back in a stiff plastic hospital chair, fast asleep. His neck is craned at an awkward angle, head leaning against his shoulder. There’s a thin blanket over his torso, like someone gently placed it there, afraid to disturb him. A nurse, maybe? 

Buck’s forearm, opposite to the shoulder he’s leaning on, is outstretched onto Eddie’s bed. His hand rests inches away from Eddie’s. Like maybe he was holding it when he drifted off. With his uninjured arm,, Eddie stretches his wrist and fingers to brush against Buck’s hand. It hurts. It’s laborious. But he manages contact. 

Buck jolts a little, eyes flying open like he’s been shocked. Eddie watches, eyelids drooping a little, as the realization smacks Buck, full-force. 

“E-Eddie?” Buck stammers. 

“Hi,” Eddie manages to rasp. 

“Oh my god,” Buck cries, squeezing Eddie’s hand so much it hurts. “Oh god, Eddie. You’re awake.”

“Hardly,” Eddie mumbles.

Buck doubles forward, crying and pressing his lips to Eddie’s hand. 

“You’re awake. You’re really awake.”

“Didn’t die,” Eddie says. 

“No,” Buck runs a hand through his hair. Kisses his forehead. “You didn’t die. You’re alive. You’re going to be just fine.”

“M’okay?”

“You’re okay,” Buck promises. “You held on. You fought like hell.”

Eddie tries to smile. He’s not sure if he manages it.

“Couldn’t stand you up… For the wedding…”

Buck laughs a little wetly. “I love you so much. Fuck.”

“Saved me,” Eddie mutters, eyes fluttering shut. 

“I sure tried,” Buck whispers. 

Eddie means to tell Buck how much he loves him, too. How thankful he is. But his jaw feels too heavy. The effort feels like too much. 

“You go back to sleep,” Buck says softly. “I’ll be here when you wake up again.”

So Eddie lets himself be carried back under, knowing that he’s safe. Buck has him. He always has. 

🔹🔹🔹

When he wakes up again, it isn’t Buck he sees, but his father. Which throws him for a loop. For a moment, he’s sure he’s dreaming. 

“Dad?” He asks groggily.

“Hey-hey! Son! You’re awake!” Ramon exclaims happily. His eyes look a little wet.

“DAD?” He hears the sweetest voice in the world from the other side of the room. 

“Chris?” Eddie asks. He shifts to sit up, but winces in pain.

“One second,” Ramon says, reaching for the hospital bed’s controls. “Let me fix this.”

---

30 for 🔼 (THANK YOU! I'm trying to do her justice. And yesssss tsunami on the horizon):

---

Her hair is half brushed, her shirt might be on inside out, and she is nowhere near ready to leave. She’s going to make them late, for sure. 

“Hi,” she exhales when she throws the door open. “Sorry. Running behind.”

“Hey, no worries,” Buck says, shrugging. 

“How’s um…” Shannon blanks. God, her brain is all over the place today. “Your health?” 

Buck snorts. “The blood thinners? Terrible. Otherwise, I’m fine. That’s what’s frustrating.”

She frowns sympathetically. “Sorry, Buck. That really sucks.”

“Yeah,” he shrugs again. But this one feels more forced than the first. “Hey, where’s Chris?”

“Brushing his teeth,” Shannon says. And yeah, she’s aware of the time. “Like I said, we are running behind.” 

“Seriously, it’s fine,” Buck insists. “I’m just the chauffeur.”

Shannon smiles gratefully. “Thank you. Give me ten minutes?”

He nods. “Sounds good.”

[maygrantgf]

tease/tidbit tuesday

tagged by @bigfootsmom 😈

The reflection of light suddenly catches his eye and Buck realizes that there is a mirror in the middle of the room. The mirror is about half his height and tilted at an upwards angle. There are a few stains and scratches on the mirror, but otherwise it seems to be in very good condition. Buck doesn’t know much about mirrors, but he finds himself surprised with how well it's held up considering the state of the house. The beveled edges have an intricate floral design, something only an antique can possess, and the light bounces off of it beautifully. Buck finds himself appreciating the designs, he feels almost mesmerized.  The mirror is partially covered by the same tattered cloth that covered the furniture downstairs, so he is only able to see the left half of his body in the mirror.  He soon realizes that he hears whispering.  Confused and a little startled, he quickly looks around the room trying to find the source of the whispers. At first, it sounds like one person but then it sounds like a group of people. He starts to yell for someone in his team to ask where the whispering is coming from, but his voice dies in his throat. It’s coming from the mirror. Buck just stares, trying to make sense of what’s happening. He wonders if his paranoia is finally getting to him, making something in his head snap. That’s when he sees it.  It’s a dark figure behind him. There are no facial features he can make out but he intuitively knows he’s staring at a side profile. The figure faces the window, yet no light illuminates its face and remains dark. Buck feels rooted in place. He wonders idly if this is what sleep paralysis feels like. He can’t move, can’t speak, can barely breath, yet- he doesn’t feel scared. He feels calm.  Somehow, he gains the ability to speak. His voice sounds foreign to his own ears when he asks in a very monotone voice, “who are you.”  No answer.  “What’s your name.” No answer.  “What are you doing here.” No answer.  All he hears is the whispering. It gradually gets louder and louder until he can no longer bear it. He thinks about covering his ears, but he can’t move. The whispering gets so loud it hurts, the buzzing in his head like locusts. He can’t understand, he doesn’t think he wants to understand. Why is this happening? Why can’t they just shut up- Next thing he knows he’s outside. He blinks.  He sits on the curb in front of the house while everyone looks at him in concern and confusion. Hen is sitting next to him and he realizes she’s holding his hand.  “What- what happened?” he asks them, slightly dazed.  The buzzing is still persistent- a dull ringing in his ears now. He barely hears Hen’s answer as she explains. He thinks he hears “fugue state”, “dissociation”, and “panic attack?”  He’s not entirely sure, all he knows is that he feels guilty that he’s made them worry so much. When they get back to the station, Bobby says that maybe he should go home early. He doesn’t argue.  

lord help me i will finish this fic before halloween

tagging @lonelychicago @2x01diaz @boykisserbuckley @alexisrosemullens @dorkydiaz

[anemptypuddingcup]

Starve; Sanji Vinsmoke.

“S-Sanji…” You whimper, your weak body unable to move. You’ve been stuck in the same spot for over a week, you were surprised that you haven’t died yet.

It’s been over a week since you’ve been kidnapped and locked up in a room. Your kidnappers never fed you, they just kept your for the bounty on your head. You were worth a lot of berries, over a million. It’s surprised you that a pretty and young pirate woman like yourself would be worth so much. Though you wished to at least be fed.

Another day passes as you sit there on the dirty floorboards of the ship, fantasizing over Sanji’s food and him. Hallucinations also caught you when you started chewing at your arm, thinking it was some delicious luscious meat. You sighed as your stomach growls and growls angrily, demanding to be fed. You felt weak, so weak that you felt your stomach began to eat at itself.

A sudden noise of ruckus outside catches your attention as you hear people falling on the floorboards of the ship. Your eyes gained their light back then you realized that the straw hat crew somehow tracked you down and came to save you. You let out a cry, a cry of desperation and pain. A cry, demanding them to open the door and let you out. “OI SANJI! I THINK SHE’S IN HERE!” You hear Luffy yell. Rushing footsteps arrives to the door and you quickly scoot back from the door to avoid being hurt.

Sanji kicks down the and see’s you, his love thinner with sunken cheeks. You both stare at each other before you eyes began to brim with tears. His face had said everything, and you didn’t want him to look at your thinner and slightly disfigured body. “S-Sanji….S-SANJI!” You cry, reaching your arms out to him. Sanji rushes to your side and catches you before you fall back into your side. “Please, don’t stress yourself o-out.” Sanji mustered, holding your body tightly. “What did they do to you…? My beautiful blossomed flower has wilted…” He snivels, holding your body tighter.

Your frail arms wrap around his body and hugs him tightly (to the best of your ability). “Please…get me out of here…” You say weakly to Sanji. Sanji nods and carries you out of the dark and dingy room. The brightness of the sun blinds you, but you were happy to finally witness daylight again.

A few days after the incident, it took a while for you to start eating normally again due to dehydration. But Sanji stayed there with you, he cooked three meals for you everyday and you would eat it. No matter what it was or how long it would take you, you ate every last bite of his food. The only problem with you was that your body had still looked thin and deformed. Everyday when you looked in the mirror you would sigh out of sadness and pinch your sides.

Sanji noticed, and he couldn’t keep his eye off of your afterwards. He would feel up in your body, telling you how beautiful your body was and how pretty you were. You would always get flustered at his words, they would always shoot right through your heart. Continuing on into the night, Sanji catered you and showered you with touches and affection. You didn’t even need the sex, just his words alone made you all warm and fuzzy.

“You look so beautiful my blossom, especially when you’re cumming on my fingers~” He cooed, his fingertips massaging that soft bundle of nerves. You arch your back, lying your head onto his shoulder. “S-Sanji- P-Please!~” You moaned, bucking your hips against his fingers. Sanji peppers kisses into your neck and shoulder, making you whimper from pleasure. “S-Sanji!~ M-M’gonna!~” You moaned loudly. Sanji hums as he begins to pump his fingers faster into you.

You moan and whimper as your gummy walls tighten around Sanji’s fingers. “S-SANJI!~” You moaned as you cream on his fingers. Sanji nuzzles into your neck and you feel his soft breaths. “Your cummin’ face was so pretty, I wanna see it again blossom.” He giggles, kissing your ear. You sigh out of relief and peck Sanji on the cheek.

“You beautiful alright blossom? Don’t you ever think otherwise.” He whispers, slowly moving one of his hands to your breast. You jolt slightly from his rough hand touching your tender breast and hold his hand. “Sanji…” You say softly, nipping at his ear. He peck your cheek and smile.

“Well, shall we continue love?”