#omg the delightfuls thinking he’s dead and start freaking out

[ravenpoefan]

Why does Father seem like the kind of guy to fall asleep with his eyes open?

[hasliaran]

Another Headcannon (might as well just say conspiracy theory) I thought up on Dreamtale (Jokublog's baby)

Emotions are emotions. They would ping-pong back and forth like a spectrum from negativity to apathy to positivity. (Thought: People don't generally feel things 24/7 so they'd stay close to apathy but nowhere near it) At times, it would mix and became some form of amalgamation of it. Like gleefully horrified, annoyed yet delighted, irritating though interesting (#enemies to lovers trope) and more.

HOLD UP, BACK UP PLEASE : Another theory. Nim was alone in being the Guardian of Feelings. A stand-alone person.

So the meter would go like this

APATHY >>>>>> to >>>>> FEELINGS. Hah, I caught you now!

Then, Nim went and divided feelings into two concepts(sorry Joku!) like a freaking dingus when it was already alright being a singular concept called EMOTIONS. (I know, I know. She has her reasons for it. That doesn't mean it's not upsetting and pretty much got the ball rolling in the story.)

I was thinking if one of the skeletons (that are the guardians of feelings *a concept*) dies, won't it all be over? See, you have to find something you - like/are interested - in first (happy with) to have a distaste for something else (or worry that it will go missing). And, then you have to find something you dislike (discomfort) to like something else (oh wow this place doesn't smell horrible, I like it). If one falls, won't there be nothing?

My theory is that apathy is the common enemy of feelings. (See I said here feelings, a singular concept, not negative and positive but it is a whole single being!!!)

That and the imbalance of it. After all, too much is always a bad thing. There always has to be the right amount to somewhat fit the bracket of good.

If Nightmare dies, the concept of negative feelings would disappear. This means anger, guilt, sorrow etc. Something that would start out with positivity would be gone (I am iffy about this sentence because I am certain it actually started out from nothing to being something.

VITAL: If you were happy, content constantly there would be no progression in society. No *OMG, fire warmth! Holy shite, it's cold how do I make fire again?* Interest in making things better for yourself. Rather, you would remain stagnant with where you are. This means killing yourself off before you could even walk from not eating because you think it's fine (confidence: lack of discomfort) and subsequently starve yourself to death because everything is A-Okay in this world! (Like you thought you lived with the Minecraft Creative-Mode on) So you are now DEAD as a doornail because hell naw.

If Dream dies, the concept of positive feelings would be gone with him. Happiness, Confidence, Content? (Yeah, I don't really have the words for it)

VITAL: Same here as well, you are now feeling negative. Your fate looks bleak. Always living in fear that something is out to get you. Honestly, from the sheer weight of despair that you feel the heart would have given up on living already. (Broken heart syndrome is a thing) Some say people refuse to wake up because they didn't want to experience suffering anymore. in the end, you end up DEAD, AGAIN.

Another mad theory: EVERYTHING HAS EMOTIONS.

From molecules of water to the air to animals to stones.

I tripped over my cat and she looks at me with betrayal. Water had been researched to be affected by emotions! AND WATER IS EVERYWHERE. WE DON'T LIVE IN A VACUUM SPACE. Positive words uttered to it or negative words can be there. Plants actually wilt when you utter negative things or lob your negative feelings at them. Just like a human if you say nasty things at them they really suffer as well and would most likely kill themself under the stress of it all.

(I am really getting off track here.)

But ya see, what I am implying here is that.

Due to Nim's choice of separating the two and Good Nightmare's choice/accident? of corrupting a large portion of the positivity concept (the Tree accident) leading to Bad Nightmare's decision of hunting down Dream (stars knows why!? I am confused as to why he wants this), for his last final positive soul. (to consume/destroy/corrupt - who knows?! but I know that positive apple soul would go bye-bye.)

Or what might be the future, Dream's decision to destroy Bad Nightmare in the end.

my headcanon (or maybe... Jokublog was actually thinking about this. I don't know but I am anxiously excited for any more upcoming Dreamtale's canon version story. My heart is already ripped to pieces from discovering facts about Dreamtale that brings me so much delightful agony. Can't wait for it to be stepped on and set on fire.) :

SO~.

If either of them dies WE ARE FUCKED.

ALL UNDERTALE AUS ARE FUCKED.

THE WHOLE MULTIVERSE IS FUCKED.

Ink the soulless bastard he is, (sorry comyet!) IS FUCKED.

we dead so bad.

because the destabilization of feelings leads to death, an absence of life (nothing), while the absence of creative energy -which is generally developed from people feeling things and creating- leads to the destruction of all creation! (there'll be nothing) So everything goes bye-bye!

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

- thesis written by Haslia Ran, 'a mad conspiracy theory that I would inevitably apply in TimeHealsTale that is a Work In Progress project'.

[bitchybutcher]

Texts I sent a friend the first time I watched The Boys, Season 2:

-        Gird your loins

-        I’m dying to know more about Black Noir

-        Ugh ffs Homelander smarming about on stage at Translucents funeral

-        It’s an empty box but I suppose how would people know cause invisible corpse

-        WHY IS ANNIE SINGING AT THE INVISIBLE PERVS FUNERAL

-        Aw no straight in with Sad Kevin

-        Oh ok angry drunk Kevin

-        Ugh not these Samaritans Embrace fuckers again

-        Oh Annie. Parroting the company line. I hope she’s gonna fuck them all over

-        SAD HUGHIE OH NO

-        BILLY JOOOOOELLLL

-        Aw Kimiko is learning

-        Her lil smile

-        Oooh Hughie is a liiiiiar

-        Meeting on the subway like a couple shifty teenagers

-        Oh I forgot they microchipped the supes like dogs

-        Oh nooooo young love angst

-        Oh no a Sad Kevin incident

-        Aaaaand he’s been arrested

-        A nice archer bailed him out

-        Omfg the fake Butcher re-enactment

-        Oh do NOT tell me this crazy bastard is gonna drink the frozen breast milk

-        Oh fuck he is

-        What the FUCK, HOMELANDER

-        This visually impaired ninja seems nice

-        That probably means he’s gonna turn out to be a dick

-        OH FUCK

-        Homelander what the fuuuuuck

-        Ok what the shit is happening here in the motel

-        WHAT

-        What the fuuuuuck

-        I – MM is making a dolls house? That’s so cute

-        Oh shit smuggled people

-        Homelander is nuts with power

-        Uhhhh who is Carol and why is she staring at Kevin while he sleeps

-        Finally an archer who is honest about how useless they can be once they run out of arrows

-        Oh noooo are they gonna try brainwash Kevin with homeopathic stuff? And why do they keep offering him Fresca

-        OH FUCK ME NOT ANOTHER RELIGION THING

-        Oh Hughie has grown a pair since last season. Good for him

-        Where’s Butcherrrrrrrr

-        Body gore porn dude is called Gecko that’s too cute a name for him

-        Stormfront seems like fun

-        She’s gonna be pissing off Homelander so much I like her already

-        OH WHAT THE FUCK THE CIA LADYS HEAD EXPLODED

-        I like Stan

-        Giving Homelander the dressing down he needs

-        I know it’s convenient for Toni to wear the padded suit all the time but does Homelander ever wear anything else

-        Oh hiiii Becca I still think you’re a bitch and Butcher deserved better

-        BUTCHERRRRR YASSSSS

-        “Daddy’s home”

-        I’m dead. It’s official.

-        The fuckin smirk and the voice I’m fuckin dead

-        OH NO KEVIN IS TRYING THE CHURCH THING

-        Is he making shroom tea

-        Why is Patton Oswalt voicing Kevin’s gills this is delightful

-        Atrain is awake again that’s not good

-        I’m cracking up at Sad Kevin and his singing gills

-        Homelander is gone way off the deep end oh boy

-        Awwww soft Maeve in the hospital with her girlfriend

-        I want to like Becca but I can’t shake the bad feeling

-        Homelander is a terrible father

-        I mean I know he has no role models to base his parenting on, but yikes

-        It’s like if Scar was raising Simba instead of Mufasa

-        ….are the gang raiding a party city store

-        I love how Frenchie always looks a mix of horrified and amazed whenever Kimiko kills someone

-        AWWW IT’S HER BROTHER YAY

-        Oh shiiiiiiiit

-        Butcher STOP JUST SHOOTING PEOPLE

-        You were right this season is weird

-        I like Kimiko’s brothers bedazzled denim jacket

-        Butcher don’t punch Hughie wtf

-        Starting with Hughie listening to the same song again, nice

-        Butcher is terrible at apologising it’s so cute

-        I’m sorry did Hughie just fall over trying to throw a punch

-        The kid’s a dandelion omg

-        Why are they on a boat? Did Karl just decide “I like being on boats lemme go on a boat”?

-        I see what you mean about Homelander being scary

-        He’s completely insane

-        Why does this storyboard guys shirt say assbinder

-        Chace Crawford is an excessively veiny man

-        BLACK NOIR IS CRYING

-        Or possibly laughing

-        Hard to tell when they have no face

-        Annie actually leaked all the compound V stuff good for her

-        FRENCHIE KISSED HUGHIE

-        Homelander is gonna get this kid killed tryna make him fly

-        Honestly the kid looks more like Hughie

-        OH MY GOD HE PUSHED HIM OFF THE ROOF

-        OH MY SWEET FUCKING JESUS HOMELANDER YOU CAN’T DO THAT

-        Oop there’s the laser eyes

-        Oh Homelander is back at the Tower and freaking Maeve out

-        OH FUCK THE BROTHER IS LOOSE

-        Hughie don’t do it

-        Oh ok I thought he was gonna jump off the boat

-        Kevin and the cult weirdos are up to something

-        Hughie no you don’t call the girl you like crying over Billy Joel lyrics

-        Oh god boyo you don’t then drop the L word in the same voice message!

-        He’s hopeless

-        Oh nooooo Kevin is attacking the boat goddammit Kevin

-        OH FUCK A WHALE

-        For fuck sake Kevin

-        Ewwwww

-        Butcher what the fuck

-        Hughie having a nervous breakdown inside of a whale

-        No but why is Karl so hot covered in blood

-        Actually I didn’t even need to include the blood part of that question

-        Oh boy here we go, the 7 show up to find Sad Kevin crying over spilt whale

-        ….why is Stormfront tryna get all up in Homelander’s ass?? I thought she was cool but now she’s all lemme suck that radioactive dick

-        OH NO

-        Poor Kevin he’s worked so hard to accept his gills and now Homelander has knocked him back down

-        Oooo dear Atrain is having a heart attack again this isn’t good

-        Oh fuck is Hughie gon get caught

-        Oh no it’s Annie it’s ok

-        OH FUCK

-        ANNIE WHY

-        THAT’S YOUR HUGHIE

-        OH MAN KIMIKO’S BROTHER IS BADASS YES SQUASH THE SMUG PRICK

-        Oh I do NOT like Stormfront holy fuckin shit what’s wrong with this woman

-        Poor Kimiko

-        What’s with the random woman talking about calling off her wedding?

-        Why is Frenchie taking drugs

-        FUCK SAKE FRENCHIE DON’T TRY KISS A GIRL WHEN SHE’S GRIEVING

-        What the FUCK is thiiiiis

-        Is he dreaming or is this the shapeshifter tryna stay alive by granting Homelander some sick wish

-        Yikes I feel bad for Doppelganger

-        I am fascinated by whoever and whatever the fuck Black Noir is

-        MM sees right through everyone’s bullshit

-        I feel so bad for Annie

-        Ooooo Atrain getting fired

-        MM having to put up with Hughie and Annie having a we didn’t start the fire singalong 😂

-        Ok who’s in the weird group therapy sesh with these women with strange views on love

-        Vending machine date so cute

-        Omfg ahahahaha the girl with the Ed Sheeran tattoo

-        I really want to like Becca cause she stands up to Homelander but I can’t shake the suspicions about her

-        I feel bad for Butcher

-        Homelander is a scary good liar

-        Oh shit interviewer lady is pulling out the diversity questions

-        OH FUCK

-        HE’S OUTED MAEVE

-        Poor Maeve what the fuck

-        Ugh Stormfront

-        Shut your racist hole bitch

-        Oh shit Kimiko on the warpath

-        Frenchie! Kimiko listen to him he’s tryna help

-        MM is doing a lotta sharing this episode

-        Ohhhh something bad is gonna come out about this Liberty lady they’re looking for oh fuck

-        Wait WHAT. STORMFRONT IS LIBERTY

-        Stormfront is like 70????

-        She’s really good with social media for an old bird

-        Ohhh fuck Homelander is pisssssssssed

-        Christ you’d know Homelander was an only child

-        Bitch you better not be fucking Butcher over

-        I FUCKIN KNEW IT

-        BECCA YOU RAGING BITCH

-        Got her goodbye fuck then called the supercops on him cause he’s a little broken? FUCK BECCA

-        Oh no Annie don’t give Hughie the “we can’t do this” talk

-        Pick your emo ass up and stop being melodramatic

-        All these women are chatting to Kevin?? Why??

-        Also this most recent one is super weird

-        THEY WERE INTERVIEWING TO BE KEVINS WIFE

-        This cult thing is so fuckin weird omfg

-        KEVIN GET YOUR SAD BUTT OUT OF THE CULT

-        Oh gross not the Doppelganger shit again

-        Doppelganger is really bad at flirting

-        ….

-        WHAT THE SHIT

-        Nonononono don’t do the selfcest

-        Not even Homelander is that fucked up

-        This is super weird

-        Why is Homelander crying

-        OH SHIT HE KILLED HIM

-        Uhhhh are they doing a lesbian scene in a vcu movie

-        Christ that was terrible and way too on the nose

-        “Strong female lesbians”

-        Homelander you himbo fuck what other kind of lesbian do you get

-        I feel bad for Ashley

-        She just wants to do her job well

-        Poor Butcher. His lil heart is broken

-     ��  Oh no baby you’re hurt and upset? That’s so sad let me suck your dick about it

-        Oh no what’s he gonna do

-        BUTCHER WHAT THE SHIT

-        I mean it’s really fuckin hot but still

-        There’s always a cut on the cheekbone

-        “They’ve been moving her around like a Catholic priest” omg HUGHIE

-        Aww he called Hughie his canary

-        Oh shit are Frenchie and Kimiko missing?

-        KEVIN GOT MARRIED

-        BILLY HAS AN AUNTIE

-        Doggiiiiie

-        Awwwww soft Butcher with his dog

-        Aaaand now I feel bad for Atrain cause he’s being kicked to the curb

-        Oh gross this interview with Kevin and his cult wife

-        This is so cringe holy fuck

-        Bring back the Patton Oswalt gills

-        Why are the gangsters discussing musicals specifically Hamilton

-        FUCKING HELL KIMIKO PEELED OFF THAT GUYS FACE

-        Ahahaha the boys showed up at Butchers aunties house

-        The dog’s name is Terror that’s so cute

-        Hahahaha Hughie was holding the fuck pig

-        Why is there a sniper on the roof

-        Oh shit it’s Black Noir

-        Ugh what does Annie’s mom want and why is Stormfront being her friend

-        Oh hey it’s dickless

-        These two writer dudes are hella irritating

-        Poor Elena getting dragged into this shit

-        Yes Maeve scheme against his ass

-        Heartbroken Butcher is so tired

-        He needs a hug

-        Hughie give Butcher a hug please

-        Why is Kimiko in a church

-        Oh hey its Frenchie’s other girlfriend

-        Oh ok Kimiko is doing hits that’s fair

-        The old man just looking away like “I do not see it”

-        Aw no Frenchie don’t break up with Kimiko

-        Oh fuck off Cult Kevin

-        Stormfront again?????

-        Does this bitch ever fuck off

-        DID SHE JUST CALL ATRAIN GARBAGE

-        Wait why is Homelander giving an unapproved speech

-        This is gonna end in someone getting murdered isn’t it

-        OH FUCK

-        That’s a lot more murder than I expected

-        Ohhhh phew ok he was just daydreaming

-        Ashley is gonna go bald from stress

-        I adore grumpy Butcher

-        Omg auntie Judy is a drug dealer I love her

-        Ohhhh shit Homelander is having a nervous breakdown

-        BOBBY FROM X-MEN????

-        Uhhhh why is Homelander talking to Stormfront this can’t be good

-        Ooh MM set a trap this gon be good

-        BUTCHER HAS A BROTHER???? THAT HUGHIE IS LIKE

-        Oop Lenny is dead

-        The random explosions as Black Noir trips the traps

-        Oh shit Butcher locked the others out to face Black Noir alone

-        YES MM

-        OH NO MM

-        YES HUGHIE

-        Oh fuck did he KO Butcher

-        Shiiiit shit shit shit

-        Yes Butcher save your Hughie

-        Oh good they all survived

-        For fuck sake Kevin stop with the cult shit

-        Maeve please save Kevin from the cult

-        Annie why are you sneaking around don’t do it

-        There’s a lot of shots of Annie’s bum

-        What the fuck is Sage Grove

-        Stormfront needs to go choke on a bag of dicks

-        Oh fuck no not Homelander again

-        Uhhhhhhh

-        Stormfront x Homelander was not what I was expecting

-        These two have the WEIRDEST relationship

-        They’re gonna do some really fucked up supe bdsm shit aren’t they

-        Frenchie is Betty White. Fair enough

-        Wait what is happening. Why is Annie letting Frenchie at her with a lil saw

-        Ohhh the chip

-        “This might sting a little” FRENCHIE IT’S A FUCKIN SAW

-        Oh fuck that’s a big chip

-        Oh look it’s loves psychotic dream

-        Well that’s suitably gross

-        Aww Kimiko hugging Annie

-        Butcher is so menacing I love him

-        Kevin tryna be helpful to his buddies he’s so cute

-        NO! NO BAD KEVIN! STOP TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE JOIN YOUR CULT

-        Kimiko with her brass knuckle

-        Oh man, flowers??? Homelander has it BAD

-        Annie back the fuck off and leave Butcher alone

-        OH SHIT IT’S STORMFRONT AT THE HOSPITAL NOOOO

-        What the fuck is going on at this hospital

-        OH FUCK BOBBY FROM X-MEN IS LAMPLIGHTER

-        Oh shit who got let out

-        What does Cindy do

-        OH SHIT SHE’S THE HEAD BURSTER

-        Aaaaaaand now they’re all out

-        Good job, guys

-        Ewwwwww acid vomit

-        OH NO HUGHIE

-        Are you kidding me?? Annie can’t go all Starlight unless there’s a power source in the immediate vicinity??

-        What kinda fuckin shite superpower is that

-        Aha Butcher agrees with me

-        Ok so I’m guessing Homelander went berserk on set

-        Uhhhh apparently Cult Lunch is a therapy sesh?

-        Atrain get outta there

-        This cult leader guy is an arsehole

-        Hospital escape lookin like a horror survival game

-        Awwww flashbacks to happy times

-        Omfg Butcher with the slicked back hair

-        Welp, Annie just killed a guy

-        Oh shit a baby seat

-        Annie is gonna have a bad case of the guilts now

-        Oh fuck ok Lamplighter killed the kids by accident

-        So Frenchie went to save his friend instead of tailing

-        Oh god that’s the penis isn’t it

-        Stormfront to the…rescue? Maybe? She’s gonna kill Lamplighter isn’t she

-        Oh, no ok she didn’t kill him

-        Aw no sad Butcher cause Hughie’s hurt

-        Oh nooooo Elena found a video from the plane

-        Mallory gon kill sad Lamplighter?

-        Stormfront is coming clean to Homelander? Whaaaa

-        She was buddies with the Nazis??? SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE VOUGHT FOUNDER GUY

-        Oh fuck the head burster is still alive

-        A montage of how Stormfront is brainwashing people into racist attacks, nice

-        I hate Annie’s mom so much

-        Black Noir has just fuckin LAMPED Annie

-        Butchers mum called him 😂😂

-        Oh shit his dad died

-        Why are Hughie and Lamplighter watching knock off supe porn

-        Oh boy a racist rally

-        Homelander just threw Annie under the bus

-        Hughie that’s a really weird pep talk

-        And he’s gonna get Lamplighter killed

-        BUTCHERS MUM IS ADORABLE

-        Oh shit it’s Denethor

-        And he’s not dead

-        Oh fuck he’s why Lenny died?

-        Shit Lenny shot himself

-        Butcher was SAS???

-        WHERE ARE MY PICS OF BUTCHER IN HIS ARMY UNIFORM

-        Ah fuck he’s bringing stepmommy Stormfront to meet the kid

-        I have an urge to run my fingers through Butchers beard

-        Frenchie and Kimiko are too cute she’s teaching him her sign language

-        Is this a cult birthday party?

-        Poor Eagle the Archer. He pissed off the cult so he’s gon be excommunicated

-        Uhhhh kiddo made a Lego film?

-        Good for him

-        I know it shouldn’t be sexy when Butcher starts threatening to brutally murder people in his growly voice, I know, but hear me out: sexy growly voice

-        11/10 would let Karl Urban murder me

-        Oh FUCK Lamplighter killed himself

-        Poor Hughie

-        Why do all the bad things happen to him, like having to saw off a dead guy’s hand with a broken whiskey decanter

-        Annie versus Black Noir, beat his/her ass girl!

-        HUGHIE COME SAVE YOUR ANNIE

-        YAY MAEVE

-        Black Noir has an almond allergy that’s such an off the wall weakness

-        Annie’s favourite chocolate bar saved her life

-        Well Maeve did, technically. But still

-        Omg Hughie accidentally saving Annie’s mom

-        Hughie and Annie are too cute

-        Oh shiiiiit Homelander screwed the pooch and showed the kid everything

-        HAHA SUCK IT BECCA

-        OH SHIT HEADS ARE BURSTING ALL OVER THE PLACE

-        Butcher in his lil jumper

-        For a non-American, this school safety psa video is supremely weird

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS CALLED BOB

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS JUST BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURAL BUT FANCY

-        Annie’s mom critiquing her choice in boyfriends while in mortal danger is gas

-        And typical

-        The lads going nuts with weapons they’re so happy look at them

-        And Butcher in his lil jumper again he looks so comfy

-        I would very much like to cuddle him in the soft jumper and give him beard scritches

-        Annie ffs let Hughie enjoy his Billy Joel, that’s a good choice

-        Ahahaha Maeve just called Hughie a twink

-        She’s not wrong

-        Oh fuck off Becca

-        Uuuuugh OF COURSE Mr Edgar is in with the cult

-        Oop Atrain overheard all of that

-        Poor Ashley she’s going bald from stress

-        The kid is gonna have a meltdown

-        Poor Hughie with his mom leaving

-        I wonder if she’ll pop up at some point and turn out to be a supe that would be fun

-        ATRAIN YOU CAN’T JUST APPEAR IN A CAR LIKE THAT YOU COULDA KILLED SOMEONE

-        Hold the phone is Homelander actually being a good dad for a minute

-        What the actual fuck is Stormfront on with this white genocide shit

-        Ahahaha the news broke

-        Uh oh the Vought soldiers got caught by Homelander

-        OH SHIT

-        MM BETTER BE OK

-        Becca fuckin constantly squawking about Ryan is so annoying

-        WHY IS KIMIKO LAUGHING

-        It’s adorable but still

-        Oh FUCK she snapped her neck

-        She’ll be fine

-        She’s like a wolverine, snapped neck won’t keep her down

-        AYYYYY MAEVE

-        The lads just watching them kicking the shit out of her like uhhh

-        Oh hey Becca did something useful and stabbed the Nazi in the eye

-        Huh. The kid melted Stormfront

-        Good for him

-        AHAHAHA YES HE GOT BECCA TOO

-        BYEEEEE FELICIAAAAA

-        I mean yeah, heartbroken sad Butcher isn’t nice to see, but Becca sucked

-        Aaaand now Homelander covered in blood has arrived to listen to Stormfront babble in German

-        This is like in those scenes where it’s like oh who will the dog go to

-        Ayyy Atrain got back into the 7

-        Aww poor Kevin getting rejected again

-        See Kevin this is why we don’t join cults

-        Annie thought he was breaking up with her, girl don’t be daft

-        Butcher and the kid, not awkward at all

-        The one lesson Butcher can teach a kid – “don’t be a cunt”

-        Aww happy endings for all the boys

-        Aaaaand a “happy ending” for Homelander too by the looks of it

-        Oh ffs a corrupt politician in with the cult, what a surprise

-        HIS HEAD BURST

-        Wait the politician lady is the head burster? I’m so confused

-        Confusion may have been aided by it being almost 3am

-        Hughie getting a real job, bless him

-        Too bad it’s with the head burster

-        Oh this is such a good song to end the season with

-        Welp, now begins the long wait for season 3, I guess

-        Should I sleep or find fic to read

-        Body says sleep, heart says fic

-        That’s a lie, heart says Butcher

-        ….Butcher fics it is

[vagrantblvrd]

Okay, so I can’t stop thinking about the AU where Jaskier somehow ends up working in a Geek Squad-esque department and has to deal with these witchers who bring in mangled/otherwise destroyed phones and the whatnot AU?

Like, the witchers aren’t completely technologically impaired right because the thing about living through who knows how many innovations and whatnot over the years but they really don’t make stuff the way they used to.

(Jaskier maybe sit through a semi-rant on the subject a time or two while processing whatnot for the witchers who have brought him yet another mangled bit of tech orth a fair bit of money and did he know they used to make them of sturdier stuff???)

Anyway.

Geralt is Geralt, all hm’s and hm’s and usually :( although there have been moments of >:( and an especially rare :| which is the closest to the teeny tiny smile Jaskier gets on a good day or when he says something that amuses Geralt enough to visibly show it. (An actual :) is something to be treasured for days afterward and gets Jaskier gentle ribbing from his co-workers because his relationship with the witchers and Geralt in particular is high entertainment for them, but yes.)

Lambert is a delightful asshole who came in all >:(((((((((( after Geralt mentioned there was a new face in the Geek Squad-esque group, one who got him a new phone in spite of the most recently mangled one being out of warranty and suchlike. Didn’t even ask why it smelled of swamp water and may or may not have had bits of swamp...gunk in its insides and anyway.

Jaskier clearly made an impression on Geralt and he’s like but why, though, and comes in intending to be That Customer - and indeed is through the entire ordeal.

Makes Jaskier go over the fine print in the warranty and whatnot when he brings in some horribly mangled bit of shiny tech - a tablet or some such that clearly cannot be saved and is just barely under warranty. A day later and he’d be out of luck, right?

And while it’s covered by the warranty it’s also just old enough the store doesn’t carry it anymore - been discontinued or whatever - which should be fine, right? Jaskier can set Lambert up with the newest model or other equivalent and everything should be fine, but no, no.

Lambert gets this glint in his eye and is like, oh, I’m not going to make things that easy for you, buddy, and goes off on this...whatever about how he liked the version he had - doesn’t want or need the added features on the new one even though they actually are pretty nice, just because he can.

And of course he came in on one of the days Jaskier’s usual supervisor is off and the one who’s had it out for Jaskier since day one is working. Positive Jaskier has done nothing to deserve being moved from overnight stocker to Geek Squad-esque team member and looking for the smallest reason to get him fired. (Or at least kicked back to overnight stocker and then fired for some other reason no one can call them on.)

This supervisor who is hovering, just waiting for Jaskier’s Retail Voice and whatnot to slip so they can pounce and Lambert might not know the details about it all, but it’s pretty damn obvious the supervisor doesn’t like Jaskier.

So he’s like, “Okay, but...” whenever Jaskier brings up a new avenue of convincing the asshole to just say he’ll take the new tablet and gtfo already, pls you asshole, pleasant smile on his face and gritting his teeth the whole time.

Just as the supervisor has had enough of watching Jaskier dealing with this stubborn customer and clearly failing to meet their needs, Lambert is like “Well, I really did like my old tablet, but I suppose this one you’ve been trying to sell me on for nearly half an hour will be adequate, probably,” like Jaskier’s got him at gunpoint or something.

Jaskier is like oh, excellent, sir, what a wonderful choice sir, you are totally my favorite customer sir!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD while also being like >:(((((((((((((((((( to Lamert’s clear amusement and whatnot.

After the deal is done and the bastard’s on his way out, Jaskier is like !!! when he sees Lambert stop in front of the assole!supervisor sure he’s going to complain about Jaskier. To his surprise though, Lambert’s just, all “Oh, he was so helpful! Answered all my questions!” and so on and both Jaskier and the asshole!supervisor are taken aback because that was not what they were expecting?

And then Lambert’s like “I only want to deal with him when I come in here,” to which Jaskier is ah, okay because he gets Lambert’s game now, and the supervisor is just okay, well, I have no control over that unless you come in on days he’s working, but you can bet I’mm make sure it happens if you do, haha.

Which more or less seals Jaskier’s fate on that angle, and absolutely what Lambert intended, and anyway, asshole.

Later on, after they’ve had enough such encounters that Lambert isn’t suspicious of this oddly helpful person at the store where they buy most of their consumer electronics he’s like, >:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD when he comes in nd Jaskier’s like >:(((((((((((((((((((( if you really wanted to help me out here with the asshole!supervisor you’d buy an extended warranty or whatever and Lambert rolls his eyes and scoffs because those are scams and he’s not an idiot, and anyway, he knows Jaskier doesn’ really want to shank him out back behind the store with a rusty knife the way he threatened one time because Lambert is a delight, okay, an utter delight.

Jaskier side-eyes him so hard for that and is like, oh????? So then Lambert won’t mind meeting him out back on his break? Asking for a friend, you know, no other reason. Strangely, Lambert does not.

(Mostly because of that time Geralt fondly told the others about Jaskier shanking a monster out back by the store’s loading dock when Geralt was a little bit bleeding out and in a bad spot and anyway, yeah, no, thanks, Lambert wasn’t born yesterday okay.)

But you know who is an actual delight that Jaskier loves to see come into the store?

Aside from Geralt???

Eskel.

The man is sweet and polite and holds actual conversations (not a slight against Geralt by any means, it’s just. Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone at work who isn’t a coworker or a horrible customer and so on) and otherwise doesn’t give Jaskier headaches.

(Though there was the one night after closing and rare time when the store would be clsoed the next day for a holiday or whatever so no night crew coming in. Jaskier was trying to get his car to start when Eskel showed up all bloody and half-dead and Jaskier was closest. Also his phone was broken and no way to contact Geralt or anyone else and how was Jaskier at first aid, asking for a friend and all.)

Anyway.

Jaskier’s favorite encounter with Eskel at work is when he calls Jaskier asking if he can help with a tech issue. Mangled laptop and files he wants to get off the harddrive you know, but ~sensitive file that have to do with the witchers and their work.

They all pretend Jaskier knows absolutely nothing about any of it, even though he’s patched all of them up at some point or they’ve saved his life from some monster or other and there really shouldn’t be any pretense about it all?

AND YET.

It’s one of those days where work is slow and the other Geek Squad-esque people are out on house calls and won’t be back for a few hours or called out sick or whatever.

And this, okay, this is something Jaskier convinced one of them to teach him or he taught himself through Google and YouTube and anyway, he can do the file transfer magic stuff for Eskel, no problem.

Tells him as such and to come by before anyone gets back from the calls so he can handle it himself without anyone looking on and all, so he does, right?

Jaskier lets Eskel in the back room with him while he works, and they have a nice little chat and catch up on what’s new in their lives and all that.

Jaskier is like oh, ew, gross because some of the files he salvages for Eskel are photo documentations of past hunts - for science!!1! - but also ooh, what was that hunt like???

(Accidentally clicks on some or some other reason for him seeing what the files are or just file names and anyway, shhhh, let me have this.)

Because curiosity and also songs and Geralt enjoys being difficult on purpose and Jaskier’s never sure how much Lambert tells him is complete bullshit, and anyway. Eskel’s the nice one. Usually.

Also, though, also.

There are so many photos of Geralt and Lambert, Vesemir and Ciri and certain sorceresses and suchlike, and it’s adorable and sweet and wholly expected?

BUT.

To Jaskier’s forever joy and delight there are at least two entire album’s worth of freaking goat pictures.

(Well, okay, goat and horse and whatever other animals these withcers have in their lives and so on.)

It’s adorable as hell and Jaskier makes these little squeaky noises of pure awww at the sight of them, okay, because Lil Bleater and whatever little terrors Eskel has known and clearly adores.

He’s like staring straight ahead and all everything’s fine and normal and whatnot while Jaskier is like omg and she’s so cute and omg Eskel, omg.)

Withcers may not be able to blush or whatever, but you can sure as hell bet he would have been blushing up a damned storm if he could and Jaskier also knows that and is just.

Charmed, okay, he is utterly charmed by this big soft dork and swears he won’t tell anyone even though the people who matter obviously know as well, and anyway, anyway, he gets this soft little smile for it and his heart is like oh, oh no, because Jaskier’s kind of gone on these idiot witchers okay.

(After the discovery of the goat pictures Eskel starts sending new ones to Jaskier who always gets that look people get when presented with adorable pictures of animals and this warm squishy feeling because oh, oh no, indeed and anyway, yes, because idk what pairings/ships i even want this to be anymore but just soft feelings all over the place even with Lambert, the bastard. XD)

[jadedragoness]

Battle Ground 1st Read Through Reaction

Can I just start off by saying, Holy crap. Chicago got curb-stomped hard. So freaking hard.

I really, really, enjoyed the story. I pretty much didn’t want to stop reading as soon as I cracked open the covers of the book but I did have to have periods of giving myself a break and just put the book down and go do something sensible like do the dishes instead of screaming or shaking my fists at the sky like a lunatic.

I do admit that as a story the continuous battle was draining and exhausting to read. But I think that was the point so I don’t really count it against the story. It is something important to know going in, and why I’d recommend breaks.

Let’s talk spoilers… just assume spoilers for everything Dresden Files related too. Ummm, also this runs long.

First Let’s Me Tell You About the Thing Which Exploded My Brain:

1. MARCONE IS FREAKING KNIGHT OF THE BLACKENED DENARIUS! WHHHAAAAT!!

...okay, I’m done screaming about it.

OF FREAKING THORNED NAMSHIEL!!! ...I lied, I wasn’t done. How long? What? When? I didn’t see this coming at all! And I’m so freaking torn about how to feel about it.

I am so damned (heh) relieved that Marcone’s didn’t die at Ethniu’s hands. I seriously freaked at the moment she snapped his neck that I went into instant denial and my eyes skipped several paragraph down out of the desperate wish to see if it was trick. I’m also very, very delighted that Marcone is now so much harder to kill. I mean, he was already pretty hard to kill being Marcone but this just takes it up to eleven.

On the other hand, a Fallen Angel is so freaking dangerous. *makes gargling worried noises* And while it looks like Marcone appears to have worked out a partnership with the coin I can’t help but remember that when we were first introduced to this Fallen he was called ‘Thorned Namshiel’ and not by the name of his bearer. So he appears to be the type to subsume the human who holds him. Which makes me worried that Marcone could be on that path and not even realize it. *goes back to making gargling worried noises*

I do find reassuring that the coin is on a chain around his neck and therefore easily removed and not buried in his body like some of the other Denarians will do.

However, I am feeling a little disappointed Marcone is no longer purely a ‘vanilla’ mortal who stood toe-to-toe eldritch beings and survived by simply being smarter, deadlier and amazeballs. I’ll miss that. I always thought that it was especially hilarious how much Harry would freak out about Marcone and how deadly Marcone is when even in the same room as scary monsters (like in ;Skin Game;, I mean seriously he was in the same room as Nicodemus and Harry was hardcore worried about upsetting Marcone… hilarious!) when Marcone was a vanilla mortal… but now he’s not.

And yet, now Marcone knows how to sling around magic and is incredibly hard to kill. *thumbs up at Jim Butcher* Yeeeessssss! *is so happy*

Although… if Harry doesn’t end up making all manner of ‘thorny’ jokes at Marcone I’m going to be very disappointed. =D

Things I Sorta Expected:

1. Murphy dying.

Now, I totally bawled at the scene after Rudolph shot Murphy. I especially lost it when Harry kept referring to her body as an ‘empty house.’ ARGH. But I wasn’t actually surprised that she died. I did feel like I got a very strong sense it was going to happen. Actually, from how often Harry’s thoughts seemed to be pinging in that direction I was partially convinced his wizardly ‘insight’ was kicking in and trying to warn him.

And he tried. He really did.

But ultimately it was Karrin’s own choice to be away from safety and be her badass self.

2. Hendricks’ dying.

I’ve actually have read the short story ‘Monsters’ from Goodman Grey’s POV and I’ve read it a little over a week ago and in it he notes Marcone’s bodyguard as a dumb Einherjaren. Which made my brain go: Whoa, wait… where’s Hendricks? Is Hendricks dead? Did Hendricks die and become in Einherjaren? Or is he off doing something and one of those guys is taking over for a bit? Fuck, Hendricks is dying in ‘Battle Ground’ isn’t he?

So I wasn’t exactly surprised, but I was still very, very upset. And when Ethniu picked up Hendrick’s corpse and smashed him into Marcone that’s where I lost it. Like totally lost it while also being worried about Marcone at the same time. Gah.

Curveballs I Did Not Expect:

1. Marva and Drakul. The deaths of Wild Bill and Yoshimo at the hands of Black Court vampires and the threat that we may see them again as Black Court? Did not see that coming. I expected to lose Wardens but not like that.

...and I may be in denial about Chandler (I like the guy, okay) being dead. Please. He’s a wizard. He’ll be back. Of course as soon as I wrote that I was instantly struck of by the thought of: “Yeah, but will you like what you get back?”

2. Also Drakul is a starborn? I get more and more curious about what it means! I’m with Harry in frothing in frustration over how people won’t tell him already! *screams into the void*

Also Kincaid worked for this guy? *shudders*

3. Marcone and Thorned Namshiel. *gurgles*

4. Justine had Nemesis in her! And for years?!

How in the hell are they going to save her? Mab barely saved Lea and she’s Mab!

Also I thought Nemesis was very infectious. Is there anyone else around who has been infected? Maybe among Harry’s friends with Justine as the vector? *is worried*  

5. Not getting a resolution on the situation with the Svartalves. Or did I miss something? Seriously, the ending of the book felt like it was missing about 30 more pages to wrap up and work a bit more on characters.

Things I Did Not Like or Was Disappointed By:

1. Rudolph getting to live. Fuck that guy.

Okay, I understand that his not getting murdered at Harry’s hands wasn’t really for Rudolph’s sake but for Harry’s own soul. I just want him dead. Dammit, is it too much to ask for him to have been shot by a turtleneck or stomped by a Jotun or splattered by Formor acid that slowly ate away at his guts as screamed until his internal organs slowly dissolved?

I have may have a bloodthirsty vengeful streak. And yet: want.

2. I also may have narrowed my eyes at the end of the book there after Harry said that Marcone was dropping off the keys and then it turned out Lara had picked them up instead. I may have also said aloud, “Butcher, are you Marcone-blocking me?” And he was, dammit, because I didn’t get to read more Marcone.

… I do not have a Marcone-addiction.

3. This is more disappointment than dislike but I didn’t get nearly as much Goodman Grey as I thought I’d get. Aw.

4. Harry not getting to talk to Ivy. *grumbles*

Things I Really Liked/Loved

1. Harry got his home back! And it’s the castle! The castle he all but swindled out of Marcone. Yes, I love it! I love Marcone but doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it when Harry get the best of him too. Anyway, I just love the fact that Harry is claiming parts of his life back from the traumatic heart-stomp events which occurred in ‘Changes’. *bounces in excitement* Now he just needs an office!

2. Marcone. Always. Actually I was a little afraid when he vanished after the battle started that there would be very little Marcone in this book too because Butcher is so Marcone-stingy.

3. That Harry is no longer a member of the White Council. I mean, they’ve been pretty useless to helping Harry out. And honestly, Harry has gotten so many headaches from them that I can’t help but think this is a weight he needed to shed.

Although, it really feeds my ‘Harry needs to become a member of the accords in his own right’ thing again. Seriously, he’s the Warden of Demonreach. He bound a Titan. It needs to happen. Ooh, or the Paranet can see about becoming an Accorded organization in their own right and then Harry can be with them. Yeeeessss.

4. Bob is back in Harry’s hands! Freaking yes! Whoohooo! About time! Oooh, wait, has Bob meet Bonnie? Can we read this happening? OMG, I want it so much… or would Harry be too horrified to let Bob influence his spirit-kid? LoL.

5. Seeing Toot-toot and Lacuna again! And when Harry pulled his ‘Za Lord’ maneuver and got the Guard and a ton of other fairies to help in the defense of… well, pizza in Chicago, that was great I punched the air.

 The I gloated even more over how Mab then explained Harry had scared some of the others with that move. Heh.

6. River Shoulders was so damn badass and amazeballs and like Wild Bill said, I’ll take two.

7. Michael and Charity already knowing that Molly is the Winter Lady and being the best parents and loving and accepting and… so much love for those two.

EVERYTHING MARCONE… yes, he’s getting his own heading

1. Gah, I love him. I have mentioned this before. That one of the first things he says to Harry when Harry is staring at him as he changes clothes is to paraphrase ‘did you forget how to get dressed or is this an awkward sexual reconnaissance’ nearly killed me. I was caught between giggling and choking on my own spit and then I nearly fell off the couch. Just remembering about it now, has me giggling at the computer screen.

2. Also, I find that ‘Excellent’ response from Marcone after they exchange threats to be fascinating. This was one of those points were I put the book down and wondered what Marcone meant by that. Then I had the thought that maybe in his own fashion, Marcone was doing the same thing that practically everyone had been doing with Harry since he got back from being shot. He was checking to see if Harry was still the same man he’d been before. And from Harry’s response, Yup. He was. So: “Excellent.”

Having also read ‘Skin Game‘ and how cold Marcone is in the end there? The difference with this Marcone versus the one where Mab was listening? I find that interesting too!

3. When Marcone showed up to the fight! So freaking badass! Love how he led the fighters.

Also I find it significant that both of the guys who are obsessed with protecting Chicago were the ones who manifested ‘banners’ which drew humans to the fight.

Really cool. And it reminds me all over again that for all their different life philosophies Marcone and Dresden do agree on the mantra of: Protect Chicago.

4. This book, especially the lake beach scene reminded me so hard why I love the banter between Harry and Marcone so much. When it just seems to be the two of them and they aren’t actively threatening each they have such a great rapport! Loved reading it! Wished we got more of it in the books.

5. Okay, with Hendricks’ death I’m rather worried for Marcone. ‘Even Hand’ gave the impression Hendricks often acted as a very gentle conscience to Marcone. Losing him has got to be hitting Marcone hard. And that I now know he only has a Fallen angel on his shoulder?

Yup, growing more worried for Marcone at the time.

6. I’m also wondering about what was said in that exchange between Mab and Marcone on the roof when Harry called out Marcone for about being the Lord of Chicago needing to be more than talk. Okay, I can guess. I just really, really want to hear the words because I bet Marcone was badass.

7. The Lord of Chicago giving Harry the title of the Wizard of Chicago? Freaking loved it.

8. Also Marcone freaking purred. Purred. “Prove it,” he purred. “Hero.”

I think Jim Butcher is trying to give me a heart attack or cause me to crack my skull on floor because I nearly fell off the couch again.

9. With Marcone now outed as a magic-wielding Denarian does that mean we get more of him in the future books? Because I freaking hope so... I say this even knowing I’d have the exact same wish even without him being a magic-wielding Denarian.

Things I Found Completely Hilarious

1. Marcone’s opening lines to Harry. Heh. Forever Lol!

2. Is Lacuna a tooth fairy? Her obsession with teeth cracked me up so much.

3. That Mab smacking both Lara and Harry with those wedding plans. *snickers* I mean, I find it totally hilarious because of how gobsmacked both of them were about it. I don’t expect Harry to go through with it at all, not with how we know how seriously he takes relationships. So either he’s going to get out of being the Winter Knight or find some other way to defy Mab. Or hell, maybe Lara gets them both out of it by marrying someone else first. Honestly, I can’t see her agreeing to marry someone who’d burn her with a touch.

Pure Speculation or Things that Just Excite Me for the Future:

1.  Now I bet you’re all wondering why I’m not more upset about Murphy or Hendricks dying. Simply put, I’m 100% convinced that when both Murphy and Hendricks wake up in Valhalla, in drinking (with quaffing I bet) halls full of grunting, fighting obsessed Vikings and they will go ‘Nope, I’m out!’ three seconds later. Those two? Especially knowing how much trouble Harry and Marcone have got to be getting up to without them? They’d probably join forces and stage a breakout to get back.

This is what occurred to me the moment Gard explained what happened to their bodies. The whole not come back until everyone who knew them was gone, yeah, right. Not happening.

Or, jeeze, I can’t image Marcone not thinking this was a possibility and then not having made plans to bust Hendricks out and you know Murphy would demand to come along too. And with Thorned Namshiel providing help? I can see this happening.

...okay, this idea sneaked into my head but now I’m seeing Murphy (having busted out of Valhalla with a bunch of Einherjaren) and learning about the upcoming nuptials between Lara and Harry leads a raiding party (what else, with Vikings!) to bride nap (groom nap?) Harry away before he says “I do.“ Heh. This would be hilarious.

2. I’m sorta vibrating with the possibilities of what the future will bring with a Chicago that is waking up to the dangers of the supernatural while at the same time having learned that it is possible to stand up to monsters and kill them. Especially, what this means when bad things go down in Chicago again, because of course they will. And there may be more people joining in the fight.

Hmm, can the Paranet be deployed as a means of bringing vanilla mortals in or educating them so they don’t go after the good guys? They do sort of stand in the middle, more so than Harry. *lost in thoughts*

3. While I’m actually a little surprised that Ebenezar made it out alive as I actually had him down on my ‘Will Probably Die List’. I was relieved as I hope to see him and Harry actually have that conversation which Harry wants. Seriously, if only for Maggie’s sake, who shouldn’t have her first and last memory of her Great-Grandpa be him being a total jerk.

4. Harry can bind the prisoners of Demonreach to do his bidding? *blinks* Ooh, the possibilities.

5. These Librarians, the Men in Black of the DF ‘verse, sound amazing and I can’t wait to see them show up.

[thecrenellations]

Thick as Thieves Undead-Blog, Part Two | when your liveblog wakes up to drink some broth then goes back to sleep smiling because it trusts you | my notes from reading the book for the first time, Spring 2017

Format: Page number. My ridiculous thoughts (Context???)

Part One

Chapters 6-13:

Ch. 6 - Very intense chapter in which Kamet and Costis are captured by the slavers and escape

163. Costis <3 Muscles Good looking! (wow what a way to start this post)

one hot piece of attolian manflesh ... confirmed (people would call him this on LJ! I forgot about it for several years until reading this passage)

164. omg earring swallowed!

166. amanuensis? (perennial thanks to mwt for all the vocab words)

168. shit. severed hand.

172. wtf Costis don’t kill him

173. how do you silently kill someone like that?

174. wow fuck

men dead not even breathing hard. (compare to KoA assassination)

Everyone is a monster!

176. Thieves.

Ch. 7 - Lots of good conversation, potentially symbolic animals, and a surprise Eugenides

183. Grt scene (apologies)

184. now who’s asking rude questions? (about killing people)

186. lying to him <3

ok! unreliable narrator!

wait i thought they didn’t have slaves in Attolia?!

187. “I was unappreciated” ... I’m always lonely

so cute

188. me when mwt writes: what is this blatant unabashed fanservice?

WHO IS THIS BOY?!

189. Onarkus =/= Sandy?

190. okaaay #confirmed Gen!

191. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Boots

195. he caught a snake (associated with a certain king and assumed bootboy “you viper” “you are a poisonous little snake” ... another ominous dead animal)

Is Costis’s earring for Eugenides (I was thinking of the god!)

196. a goat and a snake .... how poetic

Costis stalks goat ...

197. hmmm.... goat and hand and last trace of Nahuseresh (OMINOUS)

does Irene know her husband was a bootboy?

203. no this what? (“trouble with a maid” story exchange)

Marin?

204. he was prepared to run away??

how old was he?

well this is a lot to chew on

205. K using past tense for N

C asking about slaves killed after emperor’s death... does he know?

Ch. 8 - This road trip was going great until SOMEONE fell in a well

208. Are Taymets taller than Eddisian mountains?

210. time passing, broad and focused

212. MY Attolian

classic minor mwt characters

215. singing Costis???

216. swearing gimme a break

please don’t let the Namreen kill them later...

217. Kamet says very little of what HE did/his interactions w them!

218. wot nice cut! (“Eleven days later...”)

gods?

219. “water finds a way” a saying from Eddis? how does C know that? also brings to mind QoA weather passages

Why doesn’t Kamet ask/wonder WHY Gen wants him?

223. They’re gonna do it? They’re gonna make it? So close!

224. does Eddis have comparable irrigation engineering?

227. NO!

228. u idiot you meant to leave him before!!!

at least look in the freaking well!!!

229. Kamet’s Face! wow he’s really in shock (at weapons shop)

230. SUCH FAMILIAR PHRASING! birds :( (I was caught up in the birds and completely missed the spilled wine!)

Ch. 9 - Retrieving Costis from the well, Ennikar appears again

231. “You’re certain he’s dead?” nice CUT

this time i heard him say?

was he talking?

232. thoughtfully tensing his lower lip?

who tf is this guy - another god?

mm grr I’m Kamet I have no friends

ok so he’s what’s his face Enkidu?

heroes walk the streets

234. AAH why

say his fricking name?!

god you’re so bad @ this

236. THIEF

237. FRIEND OMG

238. omg so good flour!

SO CUTE I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THIS

239. OMG Costis. Nice. (Costis tries the Gen method of deflecting concern)

241. “as if we were close friends traveling together???”

242. Costis ... knows a hero when he sees one?

But ... delighted? not horrified?

Ch. 10 - Hanging out with Godekker

247. SO MANY HELPFUL STRONG MEN (Enter Godekker)

249. PAY THE FASTENER

253. god so snarky

254. Kamet’s chops

fuck how is this book going to end???

256. You’ll never feel safe ... Gen + Relius’s fears?

258. Fuh!

259. Ok do i have hope?

he doesn’t have Tethys lesions does he?

263. aahhhh

Costis trusts him!!!! <3

aaahhh

264. Noli? where did he get that from?

smarrrt

265. yeah u did tell Godekker your name!

wtf is this god advice!

268. The So, so, so count in this book is OUT OF CONTROL!!! It may be a record.

Ch. 11 - Kamet’s stressful voyage

270. Lol Sophos is better @ assuming Attolian ships are there...

272. yesssss earring GOOD

274. yeah sure Kamet you still haven’t left!

I did not want to leave the Attolian!

276. watching Costis

277. my heart’s gonna break don’t leave, Kamet!

278. “as if the gods had cursed my wandering feet” nice. also iambic pentameter

also laying it on a bit thick there

280. Sea in the Middle of the World!

he’s so scared though. :(

the fuckin nerve!

Costis + Gen and their s3cr3t sign

281. nooooo it’s ok to lie, it’s endearing in this world!

also Costis seriously why do you think he would be ok w/ this!

I’m coming home! (to Attolia. In cursive, see image at top of post.)

282. war?

Ch. 12 - Dramatic times in Attolia

284. “I thought we were I + E” :o

shit where is his honor now (”I would have let you go”)

285. hey there Teleus...

my heart

285. yeah but C probs knows all those guards ... he thought punching Gen was the most embarrassed he’d been... (in retrospect, I don’t think he was embarrassed AT ALL during this scene. Costis fight mode was activated.)

yeah I mean she has given us the Magus all this time! (reflecting on the fact that Costis’s name has yet to appear)

286. Yesss angry Costis poking Teleus!

This is Something to imagine

287. THIS IS REALLY BAD (”the queen”)

OK...

holy shit

when is this???

she’s not THAT old!

288. THE room? (“filled with all the horrors I had fled in Ianna-Ir”)

289. 298 pages until this! (“Costis”)

289. Please stay alive Irene!

On some level I do feel that my childhood is ruined w the confirmation they banged. :( Gen is like 20! (Listen. I love them. I'm very happy for them. This is not exactly breaking news. 20-year-olds, and this one in particular, can obviously do anything they want. This note brought to you by me being Too Ace For This and having been both younger and older than him since first reading the books a very long time ago...)

292. Gggennn

293. Is this court respect a recent development? WHAT DID I MISS? (they watched him fight the entire guard, is what, c’mon me. Costis hit him on the head with an amphora.)

yeah we get it people underestimate Eugenides

OH MY COSTIS

294. is this Annux by any chance?

Boys ur making a scene!

King of Attolia vs of Attolians?

295. very ... dramatic

this is ... a private convo?

297. yup he’s Eddis’s best stalker!

Ch. 13 - Everything else that happens in this book!

298. “Do they know?” yeah wtf Gen

it’s like the new “and every1 was naked” (in KoA)

“and every1 was watching”

300. Gen: Yo Helen can u bring me that one coin?

Helen: sure. no prob

301. “Poor Costis”

yeah Melheret always sneaks up

302. “You’ve come from the prisons, not how an honored guest is usually received” UM ACTUALLY...

305. Kamet.... (crying in his room)

306. “the kind of Attolia sitting on the footboard” oh my god yeah classic

307. Irene comes thru with the stats

Was Kamet at the battle at Ephrata?

310. talk with the kitchen staff good god i would like to know. So bizarre.

lol toting around an ambassador all nite? What would Teleus say?

while Irene’s sick ...

WTF will Costis do now?

312. names ... Kamet ... Ormentiedes? 

Creeeeeeeeepy Relius (probably about “there are some questions you might answer for us” but possibly about the cutting up and feeding to wolves comment)

314. business arrangement uh sure

Yeah ok write it all down

316. talking to Costis?

(a note: the version I read was an advance reader copy, and the only major difference was that it did NOT include the scene with “the young Erondites”)

318. Attolia smiled at him!

anything worth doing is worth overdoing lol

319. alternate readings of poem?

322. orange trees!

cabbages!

324. sent Onarkus away RECENTLY???

Is Brinna Sandy!

Seriously. 

Cooks r weird (thinking about the entry for cooks in the Tough Guide to Fantasyland)

326. the magus!

an ACHING void

oh I know I’ll just GO!

poor Gen can’t have any friends...

331. they have duffles in Attolia

and with Attolian duffles, the story ends! Thanks for reading, feedback is welcome. I promise I have more developed thoughts about this book. For another weird journey, listen to my Thick as Thieves playlist, maybe.

[writelovetomeempress]

You asked for it! 105 and heartshipping

Ahhh heartshipping. How you give me cavities and block my arteries and put me in a sugar coma... but oooohhhh how I love it so much. Death by sweetness!

I needed some sweetness after the week I’ve had. Thank you for the sweet ship and the CHALLENGING AS F*** prompt, Alecto!

“You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

Yuugi  gorged himself on cheesy fries with his brows knit together and his back pressed into the booth; hoping it would swallow him up. This was the worst, most embarrassing, lowest of the low days he’d ever had and he just wanted to disappear. If he was lucky, he’d get a heart attack from eating all this grease and not have to worry about going in to work tomorrow and face him again.

He screwed his eyes shut involuntarily remembering the horrors of his work day. He showed up to work late because his power went out and the alarm clock obviously didn’t go off. He had to dress in the dark, resulting in a backwards shirt, then tripped during his mad dash to work in the rain and fell into a puddle. By the time he finally made it into work, he just hoped he wouldn’t run into his boss. But that wasn’t what fate had instore for him. Running into his boss would’ve been delightful compared to who he actually ran into… literally. Of all his coworkers, Ryou was the LAST person he wanted to see him like that, let alone run into him like that. There was just… something about him and his smile that made his heart try to mutiny every time he saw him.  Since that first day he helped him move into the cubical right next to his, He just loved being around him and talking to him. He was sweet and kind and shy, just like Yuugi was, but unlike him, Ryou’s shyness was endearing and adorable. He’d never felt like this about anyone before and of course, the universe made sure to stomp that dream into the mud. 

He didn’t just run into him, he accidentally knocked them both over and ended up on top of him somehow. In a matter of seconds, they were both covered in cold rain, mud and hot tea; a terrible combination on a good day and today was not a good day. On a good day, it could’ve been one of those cinematic moments where the main character accidentally trips and lands on their crush and it’s a cute adorable ‘omg I’m so sorry’ and the crush says something like ‘it’s okay’ cause they’re crushing on them too and it’s the start of a beautiful romance. Nope. No such luck. Ryou scrambled away from him like he thought Yuugi wanted to kill him, staring at him like he’d lost his damn mind, muttering a million apologies and ran out of there so fast Yuugi didn’t get to apologize once. All that wouldn't be so bad if Ryou didn’t have this look on his face like he was actually scared about it. He had no idea what that look was supposed to mean, so cheesy fries, the biggest burger in the country, and a double scoop sunday was his plan to forget about the whole thing.

“Hey Yuug’! Can I sit with ya?”

He looked up at his best friend and instantly felt a little better. “Of course you can, Joey. I thought you still had an hour at work?”

“Heh, they let me go early. Not much goin’ on today.” He sat down in the booth across from him and slid his tray of food over the table top. “So- oh…shit. That bad a day huh?”

“I tried to order cookies, but they’re out.”

“Fuck that’s bad. Get fired?”

“No. Worse.” Yuugi went on to explain the awfulness that was his day, top to bottom, watching with annoyance at the obnoxious grin on Joey’s face. “What?”

“I think you’re exageratin’.”

“I’m not. You should’ve seen the look on his face. I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

“No one could possibly hate ya Yuug’.”

“Well, I found the one that does,” he muttered, glaring down at his empty basket of fries. 

“I doubt it. I mean, yeah, it’s kinda weird that he freaked out like that, but there’s a fuckin’ like… a million other reason’s he coulda reacted like that,” Joey chortled, picking up his burger and watching pieces of toppings fall out the sides dont the wrapper. “For all ya know, he could be straight.”

Yuugi groaned. “That would be my luck too.” Actually the more he thought about it, the whole thing, from the moment he met him until now, it just made a world of sense. All the girls at the office seemed to like him and talked to him all the time, how uncomfortable he was being that close to him, and avoided his cubicle when Tea came into it to talk about the hot guy three cubicles down from them. He slammed his head down on the table. “I’m an idiot.”

Joey just laughed.

“Now what am I supposed to do? I can’t show my face at work again. I’ll have to move. Maybe I can fake my death.”

He laughed even harder. 

He sat up with a sigh to tell him it wasn't funny at all and he was actually considering it, when his eyes locked with Ryou, standing in line at the counter. Not that it lasted long, he immediately turned away. Yeah, he needed to fake his death. Maybe he could change his name to something else. Grandpa would be upset, hell, he’d be upset, but at this point? Totally worth it.

“Look, Yuug’. I make an ass of myself all the time. Chances are no one’s even gonna care. If he is straight, you’ll never have ta worry ‘bout him brinin’ it up again. He’s probably more embarrassed than ya are.”

His shoulders slumped and he sank further into the booth. It sure looked like it.

“Sides there’s other fish in the sea.”

He slumped more.

“And it’s not like ya see him outsida-”

“Hello Yuugi.”

He looked up at Ryou standing at the edge of their table with a tray of food and an uneasy smile. Yuugi forced his voice to work, not sure what else to do. “Uh… hey Ryou.”

He tried not to look over at Joey, but he could clearly see his amused grin. That’s it! Joey’s dead to him. “Ahh, ya work together right? Yuug’s told me ‘bout ya. Nice ta finally meet ya.”

Ryou frowned then his smile grew. “You must be Joey.”

“Sure am!” 

His smile faded as he sheepishly examined the rest of the restaurant, then met Yuugi’s eyes with pink tinged cheeks. “It sure is busy here. Is it always like this?”

He might’ve got his voice working once, but Ryou actually talking to him after all that happened destroyed whatever progress he’d made. Joey might still be dead to him, but at least he had his back. He leaned his elbows on the table and readied to take another bite. “Oh yeah. We’re here all the time, ain’t we Yuug’?”

“Yeah… yeah, it’s my favorite place.”

Ryou beamed at him. “Ahh this is the place you were talking about.”

He lifted his shoulders, still wanting to disappear into the booth. “Yeah.”

Out of nowhere a table of girls started waving at them. Ryou turned and watched them point to an open chair next to them. Yuugi looked back at his food, thinking that was that, but Joey caught his attention, glancing between the girls and Ryou. When he turned his attention back to Yuugi, he was grinning ear to ear. Yuugi swore he saw devil horns sprouting out of his head. “If ya wanna sit with us ya can. We don’t mind, right Yuug’?”

Ryou looked conflicted standing there with a tightened grip on his tray. Yuugi wasn’t sure what possessed him, but the next thing he knew he’d scooted over for Ryou to sit down. “Right.”

He held his breath or couldn’t breathe, watching Ryou smile and sit down beside him. He settled in in silence, then glanced up at him. “About today… are you hurt?”

“What?”

He had that same scared look as before. “That tea was really hot. I should’ve watched where I was going. I hope I didn’t burn you.”

“Wh-no. No, I’m fine. I’m sorry I ruined your shirt.”

Ryou giggled, a lot of the tension leaving him, and shook his head. “I ruined that shirt before you got there. Never drink red soda at work.”

Yuugi felt worlds better when he smiled like normal and started to eat his food. He went back to his food too, but Joey’s downright evil grin brought on a whole new level of anxiety. Was he being weird? Was that what Joey was trying to tell him? The silence between the three of them felt heavy, despite the room being loud with chatter. He needed to say something. He had to say something. What could he say?

Joey reached into his pocket, frowned at his phone, then shoved it back in, looking up at him. “Sorry man. I don’t think I can go ta the movie tonight.”

“Oh… Are you working again?”

“Not this time.” He winked and leaned back. “I gotta date.”

“But we planned this for months.”

“And I gotta date.”

“That’s not right. You shouldn’t pick your boyfriend over your best friend.”

“Says the guy who don’t gotta boyfriend.” He turned to Ryou and Yuugi saw it happening before it did, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. “What’re ya doin’ tonight, Ryou?”

Ryou didn’t answer and just stared at him.

“I really don’t wanna throw away good tickets ta see the new Quest movie, but-”

“But that’s sold out,” Ryou murmured. “How’d you get tickets?”

Joey grinned. “We know the right guy.”

Yuugi scoffed and muttered under his breath, “You mean your boyfriend knows the right guy.” Then mentally kicked himself. What if Joey was right? Now he’s making things more awkward.

Ryou actually giggled as he turned him, “Well… only if that’s alright with you, Yuugi.”

Alright with him?! Yes it was alright with him! Was he crazy? But he couldn’t say that so he tried to think of something a someone sane person would say. ‘I’d love for you to go with me’ nope. Too desperate. ‘You can do whatever you want’ nope. Too nonchalant. Yuugi stuttered and sputtered then cleared his throat, just nodding because his mind STILL hadn’t decided on an answer that didn’t sound stupid and he was starting to get a weird look from both of them. 

“Great!” Joey reached back into his pocket and pulled out his ticket, handing it… to Yuugi. “There ya go.”

Yuugi stared at him completely confused, but Ryou didn’t seem to be. He gently nudged him, just like he did at work, and smiled. “So what time is it showing?”

“7:30.”

He nodded and started collecting up his left over trash and food. “I’d better get going then. Could you pick me up? I’m still not really sure where anything is.”

“Oh… Oh! Uh yeah. Sure.” 

Ryou stood up and smiled, tilting his head cutely to the side. That was the same thing he did the first day he met him and his heart attempted mutiny all over again. He was so wrapped up in it, he almost missed the three words Ryou happily chirped, “It’s a date!”

He casually walked away while Yuugi stared after him feeling like he’d stepped into the Twilight Zone. He didn’t mean it that way. He just moved here a few months ago. He probably meant something else. Maybe it was a popular saying. He didn’t mean it that way. He didn’t mean it. It wasn’t a date. Oh god what if it WAS a date?!

Joey’s delighted laughter snapped him out of it and he shook a tic-tac box at him. Yuugi blushed and snatched it out of his hands, shaking one out of it into his palm. “You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

“Make up for what? Gettin’ ya a date?”

He got up from the table scooping up the left over wrappers and walked away. Yuugi didn’t pay much attention until he realized Joey wasn’t going the right direction. He was headed straight for the table of girls. He frowned, watching him walk by them when a hand came out and high-fived him as he passed. He quirked a brow and blushed scarlet when Tea leaned out from the group of girls and made a heart shape with her hands. Next thing he knew, all of the girls turned to stare at him and giggle. 

Single most embarrassing day of his life, but he didn't care. He got a date with Ryou. 

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hey! Sorry I had some pre-midterm tests to deal with! :/ anyway, for the supportive characters and stuff for gladnis, could I see stuff with glaives, the other chocobros, and... up to you! (A little bit of little sister Iris would be heavenly though...)

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN, SWEET MUFFIN, I AM HERE TO DELIVER yo pizza

I don’t know if these two asks are the same person (are you? :o) BUT LOOK AT THAT. SAME WANTS, SAME NEEDS, SO I SHALL PLEASE THE THIRST. And I hope it’s ok to put these two asks together? They’re asking for nearly the same, so I thought it was ok, but if either of you have any troubles with it, you tell me, okie? :3

BUT HERE I AM, ANSWERING THIS DELIGHT OF AN ASK ALKSDJFG YES. GLADNIS DEARS, I MISSED THE OTP.

Anyways, these are gonna be shorter for each character as they’re plenty, but they’ll form one big post so I hope you like it! :3

How other characters (besides papa Regis) support Gladnis:

Noctis

My boy is…slow.

He’s really smart, he’s just…very dense.

He’s known both Iggy and Gladio since he has memory, he’s just…very, very…v e r y dense in these matters. Very. Like. Very.

Ignis literally TOLD him about his crush on Gladio MULTIPLE TIMES.

Did Noctis catch it? OF COURSE NOT. He thought Ignis just over worried about his personal relationships, and never noticed he spoke about Gladio in ways he never spoke about others. And same the other way around, Gladio also spoke about Iggy with Noct AND THE IDIOT STILL. DIDN’T TIE ANYTHING TOGETHER.

Sixteen year old Gladio, blushing crimson red, messing with his uniform: “Do you…do you think…Ignis will think i look stupid? Or…maybe…or maybe if I do something to my hair…”

Noct just be like lmao why are you so stressed over a uniform you dummy thing what does ignis care anyway lol

He knew via Ignis. And of course he didn’t get it.

“Today was really nice. Gladio and I went to the park and just spent a nice while talking…I hope…maybe we can have a second date soon…”

Noctis is like yeah that’s nice

“And it’s official now! I don’t know why, but it just makes me more nervous, but in a good way. Is it normal? I’ve never…I’m just so happy, from among all people, Gladio chose me? AMONG ALL PEOPLE NOCT.”

yeah that’s nice specs :)

Noctis thinks Ignis is just talking about friendship, and when he uses romantic terms like date or boyfriend he THINKS IGNIS IS JOKING BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE BE TALKING SERIOUSLY

noctis pl…please

He finished processing it for real HAVING TO SEE THEM KISS. 

Noct was talking with Gladio, chatting chattering, then said bye. Gladio was going through a hallway, Ignis appeared, they said hello, then hugged, and proceeded to kiss. 

Noctis.exe Processing data.

Ignis and Gladio spent the while hugged snuggled and talking, and smooched again.

Noctis.exe Processing, please be patient.

Ignis and Gladio held hands and started going away together.

GASP

“OHMYGOD WERE YOU FOR REAL!?!?!?!??!”

Noctis.exe has short-circuited

Noctis supports them, just acts like he doesn’t give a damn.

Noctis is The Teenage Brother; will go Ew at everything romantic they do in front of him.

Gladnis snuggle.

“Eeeeewwwwwwwwww”

Gladnis smooch.

“UGH- UUH- EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW”

Iggy pokes Gladio’s nose and Gladio proceeds to pepper his face in smoochies.

*noctis gagging noises*

Gladio may shove Noctis in between them on purpose to annoy him. There were have them, Gladnis smooching with a much smaller Noctis trapped in between their chests, flailing, screeching, completely ignored and about to explode.

Noctis is the Worst wingman.

“Hey Noct, do you think Iggy will like me in this outfit?”

“eh”

he’s busy with the face buried in a cushion while he rots in boredom, DON’T INTERRUPT HIM.

“Hey Noct. Do you think Gladio already has one of these? I want to get him one but not sure if he has one already.”

“yeah”

Yeah what? Noctis you’re not helping

Noctis does as Regis and will sometimes use his power to get these two to be together, but, unlike Regis, he won’t say shit about it and will even deny it.

The prince requires of his chamberlains in this room which is conveniently empty and there just casually happens to be a secret door for the roof on this particularly starry night.

“I. FORGOT. OK? I FELL ASLEEP EARLY, I WAS TIRED, COR NEARLY SET ME ABLAZE IN TRAINING, I FELL DEAD ASLEEP, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT DOOR, LEAVE ME ALONE.”

Noctis is a gossipy little shit, but in a good way.

“Omg Iggy guess what today Gladio spoke about his cap ripping, see, I already told you what you can get him for Crystal Day, hm? HM? YOU’RE WELCOME.”

Also uses it to his favor.

“Ten gil and I tell you what Ignis wants to do for his birthday. He told me. Hm hm. For real. TEN GIL I SAID.”

Prince Noctis PROTECTS HIS BELOVED BROTHERS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH TEETH AND NAILS, OK?

There’s this magazine that put up some tabloid stupid article that distorted something Ignis said and made Gladio look bad.

Noctis is alone in his office, feet on the desk, swinging a little on the chair, phone to the ear, and FREAKING AN G R Y.

“Yes, that’s what I said; put the article down and make another one clearing it. No, I’m not your boss, but I still request it. I will request it only once more. No? Then how much do you want for the brand? I will buy it and do it myself. Yes, I will buy it. My name and occupation? Prince Noctis CXIV, why? Oh? Aah, so NOW you want to put it down? How nice of you, guess you only needed time to re-consider it, right? It’s ok, it happens to the best of us, how kind of you.”

Ignis is trying to help Noct walk out of some place without being asphyxiated by the media, so he gets the spotlight.

“Mister Scientia! There’s rumors you and the Shield of the prince are DATING?”

Ignis freezes a little.

Noctis proceeds to let out tHE BIGGEST BURP OF HIS LIFE.

Next day tabloids “Prince Noctis BURPS LIVE! OOPS!”

The media are RUNNING STRAIGHT TOWARDS GLADIO.

Noctis is JUMPING BEFORE HIM TAKING HIS JACKET OFF AND DOING AN IDOL POSE.

“HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS I’LL BE HAVING A BIIIIIIIIIIIG BIRTHDAY PARTY NEXT WEEK!?!?!”

Socially Awkward Ultra Timid prince Noctis actually stood there POSING for the cameras for ten minutes to get them distracted from the relationship announcement.

“Prince Noctis will host Huge Extra Most Expensive Billionare Birthday Party OF HISTORY!! WOW!!”

((big birthday party was pizza time with the chocobros lmao))

If Gladnis ever have a misunderstanding or problem, Noct is the first they go with. Noct is there to comfort them individually, and, smart boy as he is, he also figures out the mistake and plays a big role at fixing it.

“What? Oh no, that’s not what he said. Or not as you think. He meant…”

“Oh? Oh no, that’s not what he was doing!! Ahahah you dork, no! Actually…”

Noctis keeps asking “When are you dorks getting married?” to embarrass them and make them go shy.

Joke is on him when they DO GET MARRIED.

Noctis keeps complaining that how dare they be boyfriends, how DARE they be boyfriends, MAKING HIM, THE ACTUAL PRINCE, THE THIRD WHEEL????? 

But whenever Gladnis have the slightest misunderstanding, Noctis is first to go SMACK SENSE BACK INTO THEM HOW DARE THEY GET UPSET WITH EACH OTHER

Noctis has also used his title to make reservations in restaurants that clear THE WHOLE RESTAURANT just for Gladnis lmao

Noct has always hated that when he makes a reservation, they clear THE WHOLE RESTAURANT like NO, why would he want to dine in an empty place!? Not like he goes out often, but he’s learned that his title has that accidental effect, so guess who’s using it for Gladnis anniversary dinners.

When they want to get fancy, or when Noct wants them to go fancy, at least. Normally they just go for noodles the DORKS

Noctis covered half their wedding without even being asked because HE LOVES THEM AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

((the other half was Regis and he was so upset he wasn’t allowed to cover it all, this dummy papa))

Noctis best supportive baby bro, please hug him.

Prompto

You knew about fanboy #1, but where is fanboy #2?

In the bushes, stalking them, snapping surprise photos to show them later.

“Prompto, that’s creepy.”

“BUT IF I TELL YOU I’LL TAKE PHOTOS, IT WON’T BE NATURAL ANYMORE, AND YOU TWO SHINE BRIGHTER WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE HAVING A PHOTO TAKEN. I’M HARMLESS, WHY IS IT CREEPY.”

Prompto that’s not the point, just…don’t.

How Prommy knew about Gladnis, hm?

It wasn’t that exciting, pretty modern way to know.

Noctis told him via text lmao

“DUDE I HAVE GROSS NEWS, YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT.”

Nocto! >:|

Prommy’s reaction was sort of cute, though. He’s a bit sharper than Noct to notice these things, but he still didn’t expect it. He thought about the two as a couple because he liked the sassy interaction, but he wasn’t sharp enough to see it wasn’t sass, it was ACTUAL FLIRTING. He was so used to the two being good friends it just. Didn’t occur to him that it was a real thing and not just him seeing things.

Noctis tells him via text.

Prommy is gasping OUT LOUD.

He gasped so loudly and sharp he chocked onto his own saliva and fell off the bed.

He ended up repeatedly swinging the feet in the air and against the mattress and squeaking. Squeaking.

“I KNEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW IT”

says the boy that didn’t know it

Prompto’s trying to talk about it all day with Noctis. 

Noctis talks about it for three minutes then goes “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh can we please nOT”

Noct is just Like That with everything that isn’t videogames or fishing, have mercy on him. 

“Dude, and who told who? Dude, have they kissed already? Does lord Clarus know, omg. Dude, DUDE, DOES LORD CLARUS KNOW OHMYGOD”

“PROMPTO I DON’T KNOW”

Prompto’s THIRSTY for gossip and news on his new favorite ship.

Prompto’s stalking them on social medias waiting for the first of them to drop the first hint of romantic something. Why? Just to squeak about it. There’s literally no other use for it.

Prompto’s now Asking and not stopping.

Training with Gladio? “WHO TOLD WHO. HOW DID IT HAPPEN. SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM. WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST DATE, CAN I KNOW THAT? HAVE YOU TWO ALREADY KISSED. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE. GLADIO, TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

Hanging with Ignis? “WHO TOLD WHO. HOW DID IT HAPPEN. SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM. WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST DATE, CAN I KNOW THAT? HAVE YOU TWO ALREADY KISSED. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE. IGNIS, TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

Arcade with Noct? “NOCT, WHO-”

“PROMPTO I DON’T KNOW”

Prompto’s always asking about their relationship to either of them when he gets the chance. He could talk about it ALL DAY and go on and on.

“Why are you so interested in our relationship, Prompto?”

“I DON’T KNOW, IT’S JUST SO WEIRD, I’M SO CURIOUS. It’s like…its. It’s you *takes a fry* and it’s him *takes another fry* and it’s…*puts fries together* and it’s you.”

…prompto, don’t.

Prompto is the Anti-Noctis. 

Gladnis snuggle. Noctis goes Eeeww

*Prommy puts a hand to his chest and aaw’s*

Gladnis smooch. Noctis goes EEEEEEEEWWWWWW

*Prommy clutches chest chest and whimpers*

Ignis proceeds to poke Gladio’s nose who then proceeds to pepper his face in smoochies. Noctis is gagging.

Prommy’s hiding his face in his hands and SQUEAKING into a pillow.

“NOCTO HOW ARE THEY SO CUTE I DON’T UNDERSTAND.”

Prompto’s always doing shitty photoshop pictures of Gladnis that are ridiculous on purpose just to make them laugh. 

Prom is there to yell NO when Noctis makes a mean comment.

“UGH YOU TWO ARE SO DISG-”

“NOOOOOOOOO! YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE, KEEP DOING YOUR STUFF”

“Stinky dorks-”

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVEBIRDS!!!!!!! CUTE!!!!!!!”

“EW go get a roo-!”

“WE’RE LEAVING, YOU MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE, OK, IGNORE THIS ASSHAT”

Prompto. He. He made Gladnis puppets.

Ignis is too busy, like absolutely fucking loaded of royal stuff and so he’s away and unable to reach? Aaw, don’t be sad big guy. *puppet Ignis proceeds to smooch him*

*Puppet Ignis proceeds to give Gladio a million cheesy compliments and pick up lines in an unnecessarily high pitched voice*

*Puppet Ignis is nuzzling at him and insisting on kissing*

“PROMPTO STOP”

It’s not Prompto, it’s Pocket Ignis, you rude ungrateful ass.

Gladio’s not annoyed, he’s actually pretty amused XD

Gets tired of Prompto not leaving him alone, though? Gladio’s going to be “Ok you conviced me, come here Iggy” and tries to make out with the puppet, hence making a hysterical Prompto screech and try to run away.

Same goes for Ignis. Gladio’s away on some Crownsguard or Shield training at the outskirts? Away and gone and missing?

PUPPET GLADIO IS IN THE HOUSE, BABY, DON’T WORRY, HE’LL SMOOCHIE YOU IN THE MEANWHILE.

There we have an Ignis quickly striding across the flat escaping while Prompto tries to catch up with him with his cheesy pick-up lines and pet names with the Puppet Gladio.

When Gladio asked Prompto if he wanted to be his bestman for the wedding, Prompto nearly freaking had an aneurysm the poor eager hyped thing. 

Best supportive buddy ok, pls hug.

Nyx

He knew via Gladio.

Because guess who’s Gladio’s WINGMAN AYEEEEEEE

Cor, actually

BUT NOT THIS TIME. This time Nyx bby. Cor was Advice Man. Nyx was Accomplice Mate.

Gladio would tell Nyx his progress with his crush. Nyx would always listen because it was so stupidly adorable. 

It started because both would take longer in the training halls than the rest so they’d often meet at the shower/dressing room, and conversation started little by little. Conversation on Ignis first came up when a sixteen year old Gladio was being a bit clumsy, dropping his stuff and putting his shirt backwards and stuff, so of course an amused Nyx had to ask.

“I’m…we’re…some friends and I are going out tonight but…there’s…there’s this guy I like and I’m a bit nervous and…”

Nyx Romantic Aid Buddy senses tingled.

25 year old Nyx thinks IT’S SO CUTE OMG THE TEENAGE SHIELD HAS A CRUSH THAT’S SO AMUSING LMAO so he tried to help

Helped Gladio gather his stuff, dress nice, and calm down by talking smooth and cool with him, and inspired him to go ask that boy out or, if not, at least impress him.

From that day on, Nyx would ask just casually how things were going with the crush, and Gladio would inform. 

And it went on for YEARS lmao both as a crush and when they were already boyfriends and so on

Gladio first kept informing him of what he THOUGHT Ignis thought of him but no advances

“You know, Gladio, it’s been quite a while since you first told me of your crush and you still haven’t asked him out?”

“IT’S NOT THAT EASY TO ASK A GOD OUT IN A DATE, I’M SORRY I’M SUCH A MORTAL.”

Nyx kept encouraging him day after day after day, and it was perhaps partly the reason Gladio dared say anything. either because he was inspired or just annoyed lol

When they started talking about it, at first Nyx had no idea who the crush was and Gladio forgot to tell him alkajsd

One day when Nyx first started insisting Gladio ask him out, Gladio insisted he couldn’t do it and after a long while he just went “it’s just…it’s…it’s…Iggy? you know…the prince’s adviser?”

Nyx went  .u.  ohno that’s adorable best friend crush

Guess who now is not being very subtle on it (thankfully Iggy won’t notice lmao)

Every time Nyx sees Ignis now, HE FLINCHES AND GOES ALL EXCITED LIKE GASP “HELLO IGNIS :D”

Ignis is ??? h…hello mr glaive that never before spoke to me until now out of nowhere and so excitedly and daily?? 

Nyx can’t HELP IT HE’S SO EXCITED IT’S GLADIO’S CRUSH OMG THEY’VE SPOKEN ABOUT HIM SO MUCH HE CAN’T HELP BUT GET ALL EXCITED

Also, whenever he gets the chance, he freaking. MISLEADS IGNIS ON PURPOSE TO MAKE HIM GO WITH GLADIO.

“Mr. Ulric, would you happen to know where lord Drautos is?”

“n- YES. YES OMG YES YOU ASKED THE RIGHT GUY, HE’S AT THE EAST WING, THIRD FLOOR, MAIN HALL.”

Guess which Amicitia is holding guard in that room.

Nyx is accidentally bumping into either of them when they’re together trying to make them fall into each other into a romantic awkward hug that will turn into an adorable ask out for a date.

Nyx this isn’t a romantic tv show it doesn’t work like that you just made Gladio drop his candy

Nyx is giving Gladio A THOUSAND NOT SUBTLE SIGNS when he sees him with Ignis

Gladio is trying to have a casual, normal conversation with Ignis.

From above Ignis’ head he can see, at the other end of the hallway, a HYSTERICAL NYX JUMPING, BOUNCING IN HIS SPOT, FLAILING THE ARMS, MAKING FACES, MOUTHING SOMETHING, AND MAKING SIGNS OF “HUG HIM”, “KISS HIM”, “TELL HIM”, “YOU CAN DO IT”

Gladio is unable to focus in what Ignis is telling him because Nyx is flexing like a gorilla while making strange faces.

Nyx throws Gladio into meeting with Ignis without preparing him.

Nyx and Gladio are standing at a hallway just talking and chatting casually and GASP IGNISISCOMINGGOGOGOGOGOGOOG *SHOVES HIM INTO THE OTHER HALLWAY MAKING HIM NEARLY FALL AGAINST IGNIS*

Nyx thinks Gladio is ignoring him when he’s making signs to him so he’s now literally MAKING SIGNS TO HIM, like. A cardboard piece with a message on it NYX WAS TRYING TO GIVE GLADIO DIALOGUES LMAO HOW IS HE SUCH A DORK

Nyx is switching the conversation to Ignis if Ignis is passing by.

Gladio and Nyx are talking about some food stall they both seem to know and AH YES IT’S SO NICE YOU THINK THAT OF IGNIS, GLADIO

Gladio’s constantly made a blushing, nervous mess in these situations when Ignis turn to look and Nyx just KEEPS GOING. 

When Gladio told Nyx he had finally asked Ignis out and he said yes, Nyx stood on the bench and literally roared out “Yes” to the roof with the arms open and down like a dinosaur screeching. 

Every time Gladio is talking with Ignis now, or hugging him or anything, when he looks up from behind Ignis, there’s Nyx alone or with his other two friends making thumbs up and nodding and JESUS LORD CAN YOU NOT STARE GUYS, STOP.

Best Romance Aid Buddy, please hug.

Libertus

Libertus knew via Nyx.

Libertus wasn’t the slightly shaken. He had this blank face on as he kept drinking from his smoothie. Calmly put it down. 

“Weren’t those two brothers?”

Libertus is still a bit lost in the royal families’ relationships.

Nyx is sharing slight harmless gossip on the situation with Libertus. Libertus doesn’t really care much but he’s happy to hear Nyx. Not like he has lots of options anyway lmao

“He ALMOST asked him out this time but he shied away again, dammit.”

“Bummer.”

“I know.”

“LIB, HE SAYS IGNIS DROPPED A HINT TODAY, THAT’S A SIGN.”

“nice”

“I KNOW.”

Libertus is busier in his own stuff and world to care about people he rarely interacts with, but Nyx’s excitement slowly catches his attention with time.

Even Libertus can’t be saved from some cute romantic story.

Eventually, it’s Libertus who approaches Nyx for the gossip.

“Yo. How is Shield boy doing?”

“THEYWENTOUTALONEINANONOFFICIALDATE BUTTHATCOUNTSASADATERIGHT OMG MY BOY IS PROGRESSING”

“Nice.”

The curiosity, of course, leads him to start spying a bit as well.

There we have Ignis standing in a hallway reviewing some papers when he feels a stare, so he turns and there, in the distance, is some Glaive that’s never spoken to him, smiling at him, and waving.

what the hell

Now every time Nyx gets all hyped because he’s seeing Gladnis interact, Libertus gets dragged along so he just stands there and stares too. 

Nyx is the “IMPRESS HIM, HUG HIM, YOU’VE GOT HIM NOW KISS HIM” guy. Libertus is the kind to make *index fingers goes into the O formed by other hand’s thumb and index* signs at Gladio.

Libertus is going with Amicitia junior to get a laugh from how she talks about Gladnis. 

“And the other day Ignis went to our house and he helped papa prepare dinner, and it was very delicious and I had a wonderful time, Ignis is great and I always tell papa to adopt him and sell Gladdy at the market.”

Libertus finds little Iris’ sister talk funny. 

Libertus is shoving condoms into early-relationship-stages-Gladio’s pockets so they fall off while he’s talking with Ignis just to make them both embarrassed.

“Gladio?”

“I DIDN’T. PUT IT THERE, NO, IT’S NOT- NO, I REALLY MEANT JUST DINNER, THIS WASN’T- NO.”

When they do start having sexual interaction, though, Gladio just gets free condoms now and joke is on Libertus.

Libertus just wants to have fun.

Crowe

Crowe’s confused, but hell does she support that.

“I THOUGHT LITTLE GLASSES KID WAS ACE?”

Why was Nyx the only one that wasn’t surprised, where are you two dorks getting all your info from omg

Crowe noticed before Nyx told her.

Crowe’s sharp on this one. She did think Iggy was ace, but she wasn’t 100% sure because she could see the signs.

Crowe’s like (ಠ‿ಠ) every time she sees them interact after the first time he caught a first glimpse of a sign.

Sort of like how Libertus started waving hello at Ignis from afar, except she’s much sneakier and hasn’t been caught and does the creepy (ಠ‿ಠ)

Crowe’s trying to set them up every time. Indirectly.

She’s asking Luche to smack Pelna without him knowing Drautos will be watching so Drautos is chiding Luche and Pelna for their kidly fight, getting Drautos busy and distracted a bit, Cor will be curious and will approach and ask what’s going on, Gladio will look for Cor because he’s late for his training, so he’s going to ask someone if they know where Cor is, and Crowe is SO MAKING ANOTHER OF THESE LARGE PLANS TO HAVE IGNIS BE THAT ONE PERSON AT QUESTION REACH.

Crowe this is unnecessarily intrincate stop

Crowe’s giving flirting advice to Gladio, too

Glaive Trio = Gladio’s Wingmen Squad

Nyx is the supportive cheering guy. Libertus is the sexual jokes dork. Crowe is the STYLE ADVISER.

“Sweetie, you don’t want to tell him that. Unbutton the collar, your hair a bit more like…this, chin up, and you give him a look like you don’t care about anything. You grab his shoulder. And now a smolder as we practiced. Voice deep. Tone smooth, but sound a little raspy. And you say. Hey.”

Crowe’s giving Gladio a Judging Look every time he says he wasn’t able to ask Ignis out. It’s enough to make Gladio feel embarrassed and little (in a good way that makes him go YEAH IT’S NOT THE BIG THING I CAN DO IT.)

“You’re such a nerd with your condom jokes, Libertus.”

Crowe is making condom jokes, too, the double faced nerd.

Crowe is telling Gladio she could lend him her bike to impress Ignis.

“Just a problem, Crowe.”

“Hm?”

“…I don’t know how to ride this. And he does, so I don’t think he’s gonna be impressed.”

Dork.

Crowe is trying to make Gladio grab that Sexy Attitude, BUT HE’S JUST. TOO MUCH OF A NERD, HOW DOES HE HAVE ANY REPAIR.

Crowe SLAPS HIM WHEN HE SAYS HE’S NOT WORTHY OF IGGY.

“OF COURSE YOU’LL NEVER BE WITH THAT MINDSET, WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU YOU ARE? EXACTLY. WORTHY. NOW GO GET YOUR DATE WITH THAT BOY.”

((it’s nice slap, no worry))

Crowe is the dangerous (harmless) threatening friend that will insist as in REALLY insist for asking the crush out.

Nyx tells her and Libertus for the tenth time that Gladio chickened out last minute again.

Crowe is going over to Gladio.

“It’s not that hard, boy. I swear to the Six, if you don’t do it, I’ll do it for you.”

“I…I can’t…”

“…”

“…”

“Ok, I’m going.”

Crowe actually. WENT WITH IGNIS. 

Gladio’s standing in the hallway internally screeching so hard his face is red and he’s about to have a heart attack while flailing all over the place, and Crowe’s getting to Iggy.

Gladio thinks she’s just kidding and will just walk past him.

Crowe’s tapping Ignis on the shoulder and now they’re talking.

Gladio’s on the floor spazzing.

He can’t live anymore bye.

Crowe’s just making casual talk with Ignis lmao just did it to make Gladio have that breakdown because AH YOU DIDN’T LIKE HOW IT FELT, DID YOU? DID YOU???? WELL NEXT TIME I’LL DO IT FOR REAL SO YOU ASK HIM OUT NOW, BOY.

Crowe’s stealing Iris when Gladnis want lonely time but don’t want Iris to like. Suspect anything kajsdka.

Crowe’s clearing the area for Gladnis when they’re all smoochie snuggly and some idiot like Luche is about to walk by.

Hey Luche. *throws a towel to his face*

Crowe is warping to Gladnis when they’re about to smooch just to startle them lmao

Crowe’s having more fun than Libertus

Sometimes, after or while making out with Ignis, Gladio looks up and Crowe’s on the other end of the hallway like (ಠ‿ಠ) *eyebrow wiggle*

Crowe no

Crowe’s always. ALWAYS. The one finding them the secret spots in the Citadel when they want a quicky.

Gets them the tools, too *eyebrow wiggle*

Good girl Crowe approves.

Cor

*HYPERVENTILATES*

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED HERE, YOU KNOW I FUCKING LOVE COR WITH A PASSION

He knew about it through Regis because…fanboy #1 had to tell all his friends of course.

Cor is mid sandwich when Regis KICKS HIS DOOR OPEN

“CORHAPPYNEWSIGNISANADGLADIOAREOFFICIALLYDATINGNOW”

Cor still has his mouth half-opened for the bite he was about to take. Regis is welcoming himself in his office and grabbing a chair and sitting all while rambling near screeching

“YOUSHOULDHAVESEENIGNIS’FACEOMG BOYWASBEAMINGWITHJOYITWASSOCUTE HEWASLIKEANDIWASLIKEITOTALLYHAVETOASKHIMSOIDIDANDGUESSWHATHAPPENEDITWASSOCUTE”

Regis was so excited he left without having had one word from Cor.

Cor sat there in silence with the sandwich in his hands while his brain processed what just happened.

When he understood he just smiled, lifted the eyebrows, thought “who would have thought”, and continued eating his sandwich.

Have mercy on him, he’s dry and cold and a stone.

Cor was always Gladio’s Advice Man. Nyx encourages, Cor guides.

Cor is petting Gladio on the head every time he’s pining or moping about being unable to ask Iggy out.

Cor is Practice Dummy for Gladio’s attempts at how to confess.

It didn’t work lol

Gladio told Cor about his crush. IGNIS TOLD COR about HIS crush. COR KNEW ABOUT IT BEING A MUTUAL THING. BUT DID HE SAY SOMETHING. DID HE FUCKING. SAY SOMETHING.

NO. COR LEONIS DIDN’T SAY A FUCKING THING.

“Wait you knew all along? Why didn’t you tell any of us!? It would have made it much easier, we’d have known it was mutual and we’d have confessed earlier.”

“…it wasn’t my secret to tell.”

COR >:|

Cor is the most supportive uncle you’ll ever find. From afar. Very quietly.

Cor is there to support Clarus too when Clarus becomes a Lost Papa on the matter. Doesn’t understand much as Cor doesn’t have a similiar experience, but a buddy can always listen.

Cor is there to support Ignis when he becomes a little insecure as to if it’s alright to be dating someone from the second most important family of all Lucis and maybe Eos.

Cor is there to support Gladio when he becomes a little insecure as to whether or not he’s being a good partner as he thinks Ignis deserves because it never feels like he’s doing enough.

Always having his mug of coffee with him, of course.

Ignis’ parents are forcing him into extra training time?

Oh my what a shame I have no extra space for that….bUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME INTO MY SIX PM TRAINING WITH ANOTHER MATE BUT I DON’T THINK YOU’LL HAVE TROUBLES WITH SHARING RIGHT?

Ignis himself is overdosing on work and refuses to listen even to Gladio.

Cor is KNOCKING HIM OUT. ACCIDENTALLY. DURING TRAINING. A C C I D E N T A L L Y.

Ignis is nervous about dinner with the Amicitia.

Cor secretly made sure to put Clarus in a really good mood before work shift was over.

“I’m sad. I have watch on the main hall at five, so it won’t be over in a good couple hours, and Iggy finally had some free time today…”

Cor is fucKING SNATCHING THAT WATCH. NO ONE IS PAYING HIM FOR THESE EXTRA HOURS BUT DOES HE FUCKING CARE. 

NO

Boys went out late at night and were home pretty late. Clarus was angry.

“They were at my place. Sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Cor :0

it fine they young let them live 

who would have thought that under that stoic face there was such a nice devil, Cor

Cor is always number one person they go to when they want to share some Gladnis thing in conversation. It’s just so easy to talk with him, he has no expressions and doesn’t answer, it’s like talking to a lamppost.

He does give advice or comfort if needed, though.

Cor always comes up with holidays plans or discounts for the two.

“Do you look up holidays for two on your spare time just to tell us?”

“…they pop up randomly in my computer.”

Cor you don’t use your computer.

Cor is a bit too honest. Doesn’t mean any harm, he’s jsut being honest.

“You don’t want to kiss Gladio today. He’s stinky.”

COR 

Cor dealing with Gladnis in the everyday

“Ok, we’re in for our sparring session today, we-”

“Cor can I go smooch Iggy? He’s over there at the window :3″

“…”

“…”

“No. Defeat me and you can”

“D:”

“Ok, today’s session-”

“*Ignis’ sad puppy eyes*”

“-is cancelled, I heard Gladiolus is at the fifth floor, go look for him and say hello for me.”

he’s not giving preferences lmao he just has to train Gladio but couldn’t resist Ignis’ unintentional sad puppy eyes. WHO IN THIS WORLD CAN.

Cor is answering for them to the media.

“Mister Gladiolus, is it true you and Ignis Scientia are dating?”

“No, we’re not.”

“No, I was asking-”

“I’m not.”

“…I was-”

“No.”

Cor sees the struggle they go through with the media and Noct jumping in to save them and thinks it’s very noble so let’s give the boy a break, and be the shield ourselves.

Cor is now bodyguard for the Gladnis in public.

“Mister Amicitia!”

“Yes?”

“No, I mean Mister Amici”

“Y e s ?”

Media tries to go to Ignis

“…m…mister…Scienti-”

Cor’s popping out of nowhere with his dead face like

“Y E S?”

Cor’s using the Gladnis to encourage them to train harder.

“If you want to save him you have to defeat me.”

“COR, NO, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, THAT’S NOT HOW- NO”

“And I’m not having mercy on you, hm”

“BUT WHY WOULD YOU PUT GLADIOLUS IN A CAGE, HE’S NOT EVEN CONSCIOUS”

Ignis is tied to the ceiling somehow

“COR NO”

“Get through me and he’ll be safe”

“COR THIS IS NOT PEDAGOGIC.”

They won only once. Because Ignis broke out of the cage. and maybe they had Nyx help. And maybe Cor was blindfolded.

He’s the Legend, you can’t just win against Cor like it’s nothing.

Uncle Cor picked Gladio’s wedding suit. 

Uncle Cor will be the most hysterical loving grand uncle but we’re not there yet akldsjf

Uncle Cor good boi he approves and likes yes yes

Iris

NOW HERE IS THE TEA.

S I S T E R  I N  L A W   I R I S

Iris the Adorable and Equally Frightening. Iris the Badass. Iris the kiddo. AS HER ROLE IN GLADNIS.

Iris was like nine or ten when Gladnis became official.

You know fanboy #1 and fanboy #2. BUT THIS IS FANGIRL #1 BABY GIRL IRIS IS ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL FOR GLADNIS.

Iris likes Ignis and has always done. She once asked Santa Crys that Clarus adopted Ignis because he’s just such a good Big Bro.

Iris did genuinely asked Clarus once to adopt Ignis and sell Gladio at the market. 

She loves Gladdy wholeheartedly, it’s just Sibling Stuff.

Ignis has always been good to Iris since even before he and Gladio were a thing, and it’s always been genuine, not just that “get the little sibling love to have easier access” thing. 

Ignis and Iris even spend time alone without Gladio.

Ignis has gone to pick Iris up from school.

Ignis has given Iris his jackets if it’s cold or raining.

Ignis has cooked for Iris a million times.

Ignis has been her confidant for YEARS for things she feels too shy to share with anyone else, even Gladio.

Why do I feel I’ve already written Ignis-Iris headcanons and these exact same? 

Ignis constantly lets Iris use him as model for make-up or nails or hair.

Iris constantly sews plushies for him. Ignis has a whole shelf full of little and big plushies he’s been gifted.

Iris will go to Ignis if she sees him and try to drag him home since she was like seven.

Ignis nearby? Yes, papa, we’re taking him home. What do you mean no? I will feed him and make a bed for him in the living room.

Iris, he’s not a pet aksjdf

Iris and Ignis have their own little bubble and Gladio’s not allowed in, I’m sorry

There they are the two dorks. They’re talking. They’re talking about SOMETHING. What is it? What is it? YOU WILL NEVER KNOW. WHY THEY ARE GIGGLING, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.

Iris spoke so much and for so long about Clarus adopting Ignis that Gladio was a bit scared of how she would manage the news of them in a relationship because that would cut the option of adopting him.

Iris took it surprisingly well.

A bit too well.

Iris screeched.

Iris jumped out her window. 

Her room is on the second floor.

It’s fine, she’s trained since little because the little shit could never sit still and Cor had to do something to at LEAST teach her to land since age 5 because the gods know this child needs to know how to land.

Iris ran around the house for an hour before she got tired and collapsed in the grass, and even there she kept flailing and screeching.

Clarus arrived home to Gladio calmly watching TV eating ice-cream while a nine year old Iris was sprawled on a side of the house like her sould abandoned her.

Iris is a Prompto equivalent of The Asker.

“HOW WAS IT. WHO TOLD WHO. WHERE DID YOU GO. HOW MANY DATES HAVE YOU HAD. HAVE YOU ALREADY KISS. WHY HADN’T YOU TOLD ME BEFORE. WILL YOU MARRY HIM. GLADDY TELL ME MORE.”

Someone is knocking on Gladio’s door at two a.m.

“Gladio have you told him you love him.”

Gladio closed the door in her face.

Iris never stopped trying to drag Ignis home even when she was already 15.

There she is, calmly going, grabbing Ignis’ wrist, and saying nothing while heading to Clarus’ car.

Family dinner at the Amicitia, nothing is going on, nothing relevant has happened for months, everyone is quiet and

*LOUD FIST SMASH ON THE TABLE*

“YOU HAVE TO MARRY HIM OR I’LL BE SO FREAKING ANGRY, GODS DAMMIT”

The happiest motherfucking day in Iris’ life was when Ignis called at her door, sat down on her floor, and said “Would you be so kind as to teach me to make a moogle plush toy myself? I’d love to make one for Gladio.”

Iris taught both Gladio and Ignis to sew moogle plushes AND SHE WAS SO HYSTERICALLY FREAKING C LO S E TO TELL EACHE OTHER “HE’S MAKING ONE FOR YOU TOO OMG THE COINCIDENCE, WHAT WERE THE ODDS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Iris is fan #1 of Prompto’s Gladnis photos and is always asking him to show her.

Iris gets some of those photos framed. She’s not even gifting them to them, she’s just putting them at the livign room because LOOK AT THIS HAPPY FAMILY, THAT’S MY BROTHER IN LAW AND MY BROTHER AREN’T THEY THE MOST BADASS ADORABLE COUPLE IN THE WORLD AREN’THEYGODDAMMIT!!?!??!

Gladio is annoying Iris on purpose.

“Gladdy, I’m gonna have Iggy kick your ass.”

Ignis is very much ready to kick Gladio’s ass if Iris asks him for it.

Iris likes to cause little harmless misunderstandings between the two just for the sake of it.

“?? Ignis? I thought I’d bring the tools.”

“?? No, I was told I’d bring the tools? What are we cooking if no one brought the food?”

Iris is containing the laugh from the living room. 

“Hey, I thought I’d forgotten my scarf here?”

“No, you took it home with-”

“…”

“…”

“Iris.”

“IT WASN’T ME, WHY DO YOU THINK EVERY TIME IGNIS COMES HOME LOOKING FOR SOMETHING AND DOESN’T FIND IT IT’S ME WHO TOLD HIM THAT JUST TO HAVE HIM COME OVER? PFFT.”

Iris sometimes gets gifts to give to Gladio so HE can give them to Ignis

“Iris, I already give him a bunch”

“IT’S NOT ENOUGH GLADDY”

Iris alongside with Prom is always trying to get them nice, romantic dates. Cheesy sometimes. Overly cheesy sometimes. 

There you see the whole scenery Prommy and Iris put up together in a garden, a tiny table and cushions for a comfy date, in a little silk-drapes tent decored with lights, candles, and a couple flowers.

“Iris we just wanted to watch dumb cartoons”

“SHUT UP THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ROMANTIC”

Not like Iggy and Gladio are complaining but omg the EFFORT

You know what sorta sister in law Iris is?

Gladio and Ignis are having a private conversation at the garden.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

Iris from somewhere in the universe

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER”

Honestly how badass is Iris here, you pick on her, she brings forth her TWO BIG GUARDIAN BROTHERS 

Iris be. Cutest most troublesome most supportive sister in law since she’s a kid, ok? SHE’S MORE INTO GLADNIS THAN GLADNIS THEMSELVES.

AND THERE YA GO AKLSDJFGKLHJAD 

Aaaaaah man, this took quite longer than I expected, but was it worth it! I had lots of fun with it, and I hope you enjoyed it too? I REALLY HOPE SO BECAUSE THIS IS FOR YOU ALSKJDFDLGKJ

Also, I hope the midterm thing went okie!! Sending you lots of happy raccoonie thoughts for school to be gentle and go FANTASTIC! ( ´ ▽ ` )

Thanks for the ask and LOTSA MAGIC YAYS FOR YOU! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[salvatoreschool]

‘Legacies’ season 2, episode 9 review: ‘I’m THEE…Ted. I’m Ted. Sigh.’

I am so glad that Legacies season 2, episode 9 has brought our Salvatore School crew back. And now that we’ve met the Alyssa Chang, I can’t wait to see what’s next!

Before we took a break for the holidays, we saw Hope return to everyone’s memory, Landon choose to get back together with her, leaving Josie alone, and none other than THE NECROMANCER! was unveiled as the creature beneath the red cloak wreaking havoc in Mystic Falls. For a full refresher on Legacies season 2, episode 8, check out our review.

But now, it’s time to dig into all things Legacies season 2, episode 9, “I Couldn’t Have Done This Without You.”

From ‘Master of Death’ to ice cream scooper

I really didn’t know what I wanted after learning that THE NECROMANCER! was back at the end of the Legacies season 2 midseason finale. I never expected to get an entire episode of Ben Guerens as a completely human, suddenly powerless version of our hell-raiser. This was absolutely freaking delightful, and while I don’t know how long he will continue to be hanging around causing all sorts of trouble, I can’t help but be delighted to have his enthusiasm back.

Watching him take his journey from powerless mortal back to the necromancer he’s always been was interesting, and now I can’t help but wonder what role Chad will be playing as the season rolls forward.

Introducing Alyssa Chang

Is there anyone who wasn’t excited to see Olivia Liang portray Alyssa Chang? We’ve been hearing about her since the pilot, so I was more than excited to finally meet the witchy powerhouse.

I don’t know if I expected to love or hate her, but I find I’m pretty much neither. I’m intrigued by Alyssa Chang. While I wasn’t too happy about her treatment of Hope in regards to the whole roomie thing, I did love how loyal she felt toward M.G. Our favorite, comic-loving vamp needs more people in his corner, especially when the Saltzman twins keep running hot and cold on him all the time. It’s nice to know there’s someone else around to have his back when Kaleb is MIA.

I’m not sure if I love how she set Sebastian up to fail his test, or if I resent her for casting judgement on him before giving him a chance, but, I’m willing to give her loyalty to Lizzie and M.G. the edge here. Maybe it’s the Damon fan in me, but I keep seeing how similar Sebastian’s vibe is to TVD season 1 Damon. He’s just been resurrected after a VERY long dessication, and he’s not the good, kind-hearted vamp at heart. If he sticks around on Legacies, I can see a long and winding road to redemption for him, much like we watched Damon Salvatore tread.

Break-up and make-up awkwardness

It was inevitable that this episode was going to be full of awkwardness, with Josie and Landon still getting past all their break-up awkward, Hope and Josie trying to navigate a world where they both love Landon, and Hope and Landon trying to find their way back to some semblance of the normal they felt in Legacies season 1.

My greatest sympathies lie with Josie, even if I do think that Handon is my couple of the moment. While Hope and Landon are good together, I really do want to see Josie happy, so imagine the size of my grin at the end of this episode where all three parties find ways to bond in their new awkward and put the hard stuff behind them. I was basically brimming with glee whenever they were on screen.

“This is a seminal work of fiction, not something to run your horny clock out.”

I’m glad that M.G. is keeping Lizzie in her place a little. I thought it was cute that she wanted to bond with M.G. over his comics, but when we learned that it was just an effort to distract herself from Sebastian, I quickly turned on her. Not cool, Lizzie. Not cool. (Even if the tie in to the Crisis on Infinite Earths crossover event was super fun to see.)

But, seriously, though. Good on M.G. for standing up for himself and his interests and not allowing her to use him to distract herself. He deserves better, and I’m glad he recognizes that.

Is Landon really powerless?

There was a lot of heavy-handed talk about Landon’s lack of power in Legacies season 2, episode 9. No matter how long Sebastian and him spent together, the ancient vamp could not stop trying to emasculate Landon for being less powerful than Hope.

While I’m really happy that Landon isn’t afraid to be less powerful than his tribrid lady, I can’t help but wonder if we’re being set up for another huge reveal in the second half of season 2. Legacies season 1, episode 13, “The Boy Who Still Has a Lot of Good to Do” was the episode we learned Landon was a phoenix, so could Legacies season 2, episode 13 be when we learn the extent of a phoenix’s powers?

Because there’s got to be more to being a phoenix than just coming back to life. Having a power like that at your fingertips has to mean there’s more he can do. It’s just going to take the perfect set of circumstances to bring forward any other powers he might have boiling under the surface. I’m wondering if there isn’t some healing, superspeed, or SOMETHING else waiting for him to discover.

Is Chad going to be this season’s true hero?

I mean, his introduction, death, and resurrection in this episode has me wondering what role he might play as season 2 goes on. Will he be THE NECROMANCER!’s undoing? Or just a simple, loyal acolyte to the king of the undead? Only time will tell, but I won’t be forgetting him anytime soon, that’s for sure.

Josie’s little premonition

There are exactly three visuals that we see when Josie starts magically messing with the mora miserium. They are: someone smashing the mora miserium in front of a large fireplace, an image of the entire Salvatore School engulfed in flames, and an image of Josie who had clearly gone full Dark Willow. (Like, seriously, the look of it is SO reminiscent of what Willow looked like when she went dark on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)

I’m curious if this was just the mora miserium trying to convince her to let it out, or whether this was a true sort of premonition of a future that could be if they don’t find a way to get rid of the mora miserium safely.

Friendship restored!

That three-way hug!! I’m really glad that Hope, Josie, and Landon have been able to individually work on their relationships. We saw Hope helping Josie, Josie helping Landon, and Landon leaning on Hope. Everyone is doing the work to get back to the friends they were before all the Malivore-memory-related shenanigans.

I really need Hope and Josie to keep bonding, because I love them having each other to lean on. With all the craziness going on for both of them, it’s really important to me that they have each other to go to in times of trouble, stress, or emotional upheaval.

KYM IS BACK!! Now where’s Kaleb?

Okay, so I didn’t think twice when Dorian kept mentioning his intern, but OMG! It’s Kym! Talk about ecstatic. I don’t know where Kaleb was supposed to have been for the entirety of this episode, but knowing that soon we will have Kaleb, M.G., and Kym all together again is giving me life. I loved their dynamic earlier this season when they were investigating the Croatoan, so there is bound to be some great stuff for them coming down the pike.

Bye Sebastian… the pirate vampire?

So, Sebastian is most definitely in TVD season 1 Damon mode. He’s purposely pushing Alaric’s buttons, he’s head-over-heels for Lizzie, and he’s unable to control his need for chaos. The only question remaining is: Will he end up down a Damon-like path of redemption, or will his story meet a swift and bloody end? Or did it already?

Also, there were a couple of references to Sebastian having a pirate past in this episode that had me wondering where they are taking our new vamp troublemaker. Alaric’s book, Alyssa’s reference to a boat, and when you think back to the Croatoan and the whole Roanoke situation, it would make sense that a pirate could have ended up on the island for all that craziness.

And that original outfit we saw him in. I definitely think it had a pirate-like quality.

I’m definitely eager to see how his pirate-hood may play into later storylines, especially since Alaric did something with him for the time being. Is Sebastian back in his coffin? Is he dead? Did the vamp really choose to leave? I’m sure we’ll find out in Legacies season 2, episode 10, “This Is Why We Don’t Entrust Plans To Muppet Babies.”

Altogether, I think was a great midseason return. We got to see how THE NECROMANCER! came to be back in Mystic Falls, we watched as Sebastian proved himself incapable of following the Salvatore School rules, and we saw Josie, Landon, and Hope well on their way to healing all the ills the first half of the season brought.

I’m anxious to see where the rest of this season takes us after Legacies season 2, episode 9. Have we seen the last of Vardemus? Could we meet the real Vardemus at some point? Is Clark really dead? Is Hope still friends with Maya and Ethan? The questions floating around in my head could go on and on and on and on. But for now, I’ll just trust that there’s a great storyline ahead, and we only have to wait a single week til it arrives this time.

What did you love most about ‘Legacies’ season 2, episode 9?

[selkiewife]

Harlots Season 3 Episode 1 Reaction

*There are spoilers below

Ahhh the opening music. Love it ha.

Okay... who are these people? Is this Josiah Hunt’s family?

Ok get it stable girl

Lady Harlot! Yessss did they make up?? Hmmm I guess?

Hey Luce. Hey new characters.

Holy shit Theon- er Alfie- Isaac is here already and face to face with my LOVING WIFE NANCY BIRCH what.

They’ve given Alfie lines to speak with his MOUTH not just his eyes! Listen up.

“Dainty Size” ha- I mean granted, she’s small but. Did she just threaten to “flay his face off??” Was that a Theon/ Ramsay call back? I doubt it. (Get out of the GOT headspace Selkie, ffs)

I’m sensing real guilt from Charlotte that she’s a bawd and isn’t just one of the girls anymore. You’ve done nothing wrong Char!

Well that’s a weird kink Lucy (licking the bald head). These men are ridiculous.

And now, Kate Fleetwood And Alfie Allen engage in the battle of the jaw lines.

Wait why are they rhyming? Oh right that’s what people did in those days for fun/ to flirt. I know this from Shakespeare. Get in there Fanny! Charlotte is so quick, damn. I want to be them.

“Not a Rogue” Isaac just said more words in this scene than Theon said in the entirety of Season 8 (I’m not ragging don’t at me- Theon said more with his eyes than everyone else combined in Season 8, so it’s fine. I’m just delighted to hear Alfie speak. In fucking RHYME. HA!)

Oh fuck... Bedlam is so horrifying. They are trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for Lydia and no one is shocked when I tell you it’s working

Charlotte and Isaac. Be still my bisexual heart. Okay but what about Lady Isabella? Well this is just work though. Also maybe they have an open relationship? Or are they even together at all? I NEED ANSWERS HARLOTS. I love how sex is always so clothed on this show- It is realistic of the time period because of the weather and cause clothes were so involved. It just always looks right- like a job and kind of unappealing. And they always get the squeaking of the bed and shit right you know? Oh wait, but they are having a moment.

This must be the brother. Hey Emily. How much time has passed here? 

Did Charlotte just say she hasn’t slept with anyone since she became a bawd. So I guess her and Lady Fitz aren’t together then. But they are friendly? 

What the fuck Nancy where is your birch rod?? Hold up, where is Will? No seriously, where is Will?

I love Cherry so much God. 

Lydia is trying to remember a soliloquy. This is all so Shakespearean what with the rhyming and... 

It’s that stable girl

Lady Fitz’ voice cracks me up tbh it’s so over the top and hushed-dramatic but I love it.

William’s in York y’all... but why?

And Alfie’s.... still rhyming... like? I am starting to have flashbacks of my past outdoor Shakespeare jobs right now and part of me is totally into that. What does that say about me really?

That woman really creeps me out... Oh but this must be the molly house plot line. 

Back in Bedlam. The Shakespeare is continuing... you guys.

*makes a mental note that Lydia would be a great Alannys Harlaw for sad edits (help me chums)

I really love Harriet’s arc. omg THE THEME OF THE EPISODE IS SHAKESPEARE. Harriet’s brothel girls produce stripped down Shakespeare shows before the fucking commences. Truth though, that is my kind of brothel.

I want the backstory on why Nance wears that gold ring around her neck. Ha- Nance is just a big softie in truth. Okay a gripe though- WHY is Lucy not becoming a dom like Nance? They clearly set that up in the Season 1 finale but never went anywhere with it in Season 2- but they could now- since she is showing such dissatisfaction with her job- but instead she’s going to be a bawd? *Slams hands on table* Give me apprentice dom Lucy working through her trauma with Nancy storyline you cowards! It would be so great- they could use that storyline to give us more Nancy backstory too.

I know we aren’t supposed to like Isaac but something about him getting arrested is turning me on here. (But let’s be honest, I have to like Isaac cause it’s Alfie. I don’t have a choice. Like, I’ve been known to say that John Wick’s dog had it coming- just so we’re all on the same page here.)

Honestly I’m going to have to disagree with you Charlotte, I feel like the gibbet would have been better than Bedlam. I mean. Lydia could write self help books though I swear. Okay so it’s been a year- there was like a years jump- okay.

See, I like how they don’t just completely forget about the dead on this show. RIP Kitty. Aww I’d forgotten that Fanny named her daughter Kitty. I kind of shipped Fanny and Kitty. Now I’m really sad. They would have been a perfect little family.

Oh wow Lucy joined forces with Elizabeth and Fredo. I bet that will end well. 

Okay Isaac that was completely unnecessary. Leave baby Kitty out of this. Why does Alfie always get roles where he’s like harassing babies and dogs good lord. He’s so freaking good at them though lol.

Lydia and Isabella are so Shakespearean it’s verging on camp... and I love it. Oh... Lydia. Oh man... she thinks she is going mad. Charles, ffs, you make everything worse.

“A genius with a needle.” Oh no- it’s a hanging offense- again this is not going to end well. Lucy honestly has a noose wish.

Emily wants to learn the art of commerce. Emily is a Slytherin and we stan.

I need more Nance backstory dammit. 

This poor stable girl. I wasn’t listening well when she said her name. But God... poor thing.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. NANCY BIRCH CAN SING. aww she’s singing Kitty to sleep. Oh no... you’re pushing it Alf. First the dog murder, then shouting cunt to a baby, and now trying to burn Nancy and Kitty during this sweet lullaby scene. Like you really want people to hate you don’t you? (In his defense I think he thought everyone was out of the house. Still, arson is not something to be trifled with in those times Isaac... christ. They didn’t even have like firefighters right? I mean, the whole city could catch on fire...) Alfie I swear it gets harder and harder to defend your characters’ actions with each role you play. But you know what, I am not going to even try with this one and instead I’m going to go with the idea that Isaac is just the kind of villain you love to hate. 

Oh Fuck you Alfie. Now I have to take back my previous statement because you’ve fucking got me with that line “this trade turns us into rats” and that look of regret. Damn you. 

Nancy get out of there... How dare you use Nancy and baby Kitty in this manner, show. I am beside myself.

Charlotte says “Let it burn.” No Char. That is not the attitude. Get some water. I get it though. She still wants to be free. She really should have left with that Irish what’s his name that was so lovely. But then she wouldn’t be on the show and I’d be sad.  

And we wouldn’t have Lady Fitz, which, speak of the siren... I kind of wish we had more info on what the hell happened between her and Charlotte this past year instead of this subplot with her daughter- I find myself not caring at all that her daughter is eloping. I mean, I know that there is some INTRIGUE about that but... we’ll have to see if it pays off I guess?

Final thoughts: AHHHH. I love this show. A quick search in the tag has shown me that people are unhappy? I thought it was great! But I do get what people are saying about the time jump. I found that confusing too. I also don’t think people should be concerned about Isaac ruining the Lady Harlot ship. I think that Charlotte and Fitz will be more of a slow burn and I’ve also seen speculation that Charlotte will seek shelter with Lady Fitz so maybe we will find out more about what happened with them next episode. Also, I just want to enjoy Isaac’s storyline in peace without shipping drama. (Um.. you do know you are on tumblr right selkie?) I think he is interesting, the human trashcan rhyming rogue. (And for the record I do ship Lady Harlot.)

Important Questions: Where the hell is Amelia and Violet and what happened with Amelia and Hunt? Surely they will be on next episode. A quick google search in IMDB for the cast list of the next episode has told me... absolutely nothing. So we’ll just have to wait and see. I see people freaking out that they cut them from the show. I suppose it is possible but I certainly HOPE not. I think they just had a lot to get through with this first episode. They will be on next episode. I am willing it into existence. 

Ahhh, I’m so excited this show is back. 

[the-cookie-of-doom]

OMG! You ok? Why did he try to burn the house down?! / going in I didn't know more than you now about my fic AU. Turns out it wasn't about sex. The money person has an agenda (revenge I believe). It's too complicated to explain all right now with my brain this dead lol but in my AU idea it's an open plot idea. I wouldn't follow the original story and just make it whatever I'd like. So what would you have Peter do with or to Stiles he isn't allowed to talk about?

Lol not literally! Don't worry! He's just a dumbass that couldn't figure out the directions for a microwave thing apparently (and he's 14... like come on, dude) but since we live in the Very Dry part of SoCal, fires have always been a thi that freaks me out. Sucks Bc my neighbors burn shitty wood, not Actual Fire Wood, in their fireplace, so the smell always makes me think there's a wildfire. 10 years later and the smell still activates my fight or flight response, but this time the house is literally full of smoke lol

Hmmmm I think it would start out with Peter being leery and creepy as usual, and make Stiles think it's a sex thing. He wouldn't force him, but there would be the Implication, and there'd also be lots of banter. But eventually I think it would turn into Peter and Stiles talking about some pretty serious topics, basically why Peter is the way he is. He's not likely to seek therapy anytime soon, but Stiles tricks him into it for at least that one night xD

I'm sure Peter would also delight in the fact that Stiles can't tell Derek what happened, so Derek really has no idea if they slept together or not. Peter's an asshole like that (and we all love him for it)

Alternatively, it could totally be a sex thing, and then Stiles goes back to Derek the next morning feeling Conflicted. But because werewolves, it doesn't matter if Stiles can talk about it or not, Derek would be able to smell what happened.

Actually, forever ago I had a stitch vampire au, and I think one scene would go great for something like this. Stiles gets kidnapped by a vampire who wants to fuck with Mitch via his and Stiles' empathic connection. The vampire wouldn't "debase" himself by having sex with a human, but Mitch doesn't know that, so he thinks that's exactly what's happening; in reality the vampire just compelled Stiles to jerk off.

I think for a "I get one night with you and you can't tell anyone" fic, some voyeurism could go a long way in screwing with both of them. Stiles keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Peter to finally touch him, but he never really does. Not in any meaningful way, anyway, just watching and touching himself. Then the next morning Stiles smells like sex and Peter so Derek would think they slept together, even though they never really did. Peter was just trying to cause drama.

[ohsweetflips]

13 or 19 for the doc Drabble thing, with anyone from taz

i at first wanted to try my hand at some dani/aubrey with prompts but these specific prompts gave me such a taakitz vibe that i had to write these for them omg

13) “Who did this?”

19) “Please don’t let me be alone.”

content: hurt/comfort with a happy end, my first time writing kravitz

It was all rather embarrassing, really, and Kravitz bet that, in just a couple hours, he would be laughing at this over a bottle of wine with Taako.

But it wasn’t a “couple hours” currently; currently, it was “now,” and “now” meant Kravitz trying to find the humor in this entire debacle while also trying to figure out two things: one, if Death could die, and, two, what would happen if he did. He didn’t think there was a grim reaper for Death. He knew that there were still some important people between him and the Raven Queen, but a grim reaper for the Grim Reaper seemed... redundant.

“Now” also consisted of being crumpled in the corner of some dingy basement, pain pulsing throughout his bones while, from a flight of stairs or two up, explosions from Lup and Barry’s own magic could be heard.

Kravitz found that the levels of pain neither bettered or worsened depending on whether he was in his skeletal form or not, so he decided that, if he was to die (which was still giving Kravitz a headache), he might as well look good while doing it.

They hadn’t expected this particular cult of necromancers to be that strong. It sounded like every other bounty they had ever been sent on when the Raven Queen first told them about it: necromancers harvesting energy from the dead to be used by themselves and achieve, perhaps, godhood or immortality or anything that fell into the category of “hubris.”

In hindsight, or perhaps in his waning grip on reality, he almost considered looking lighter on necromancers and liches, for Barry and Lup have proven to be wonderful people, but most people weren’t Barry and Lup.

Like this cult, for instance. A cult that somehow managed to conduct a ritual to start taking power from the reapers sent to detain them. It was almost too perfectly coincidental that Kravitz suspected that divination had to be at play here as well.

Which was delightful, truly. Necromancers who could also see possible futures. Fucking terrific.

Kravitz had gotten separated from Barry and Lup. Actually, last time Kravitz was with the other two, they had all gotten separated from each other. They were outnumbered with at least four necromancers to a reaper which, again, wasn’t typically a problem, but this was proving to be an odd situation.

He last remembered Barry and Lup being dragged away, dragged apart, as he himself was taken this decrepit cellar. He was happy to know that they managed to escape their own rituals and find each other again.

The necromancers’ ritual was like a sphere of power; whoever was stuck inside began to have their life (or their essence) stripped from them. Kravitz managed to break out thanks to his scythe and, in a feat that some might call unbelievable (though Kravitz was just that good), take out his set of necromancers, but once they were all dead did Kravitz truly feel the effect of what they had done to him.

They had taken what was making him, well, him. He wasn’t alive, so it wasn’t like they took his life source, but what kept him... living in death was weakened, and whatever power he exerted to fight off the necromancers just made it worse.

Thus, Kravitz found himself pathetically slumped in the cellar. This problem, technically, could be fixed. The Raven Queen could restore him. He just had to get out in time.

And, listening to the explosions upstairs only continue to rage on, the chances of that happening weren’t quite on his side. Which was disappointing. Kravitz did enjoy a good game of wagering bets and chances, but not when the odds were so... morbid.

Which was quite an ironic thing for Death to think, but wasn’t this whole situation ironic, in a way?

Time passed and, in his state, it felt like hours, but Kravitz was a smart man. In his state, he didn’t have hours, so it only had to be minutes. Maybe five. Maybe ten. Definitely not twenty. Lup and Barry would both give each other too much shit if it took them that long to be rid of a bounty, difficult or not.

A non-specific-but-probably-less-than-twenty-minutes amount of time passed and, from upstairs, Kravitz suddenly heard a tear in the rift of their reality, followed by less explosions, as if half the necromancers had been downed and there was now only one other reaper present.

And then, in front of Kravitz, a bright white tear ripped through the center of the room and, as it opened, out stepped Lup dragging a dazed, only slightly panicked, Taako behind her. And then, when Taako’s eyes fell upon him, “slightly panicked” became “holy fuck what the fuck is fucking happening” and Kravitz felt, well, guilty. It wasn’t like he meant to get this fucked, but he still didn’t want Taako worrying about him.

“He was freaking out over my stone of farspeech that we weren’t with you-” Lup rushed out, jutting a finger at Taako. Studying her, Kravitz realized that she didn’t look too pleased with his current state either. “So he’s here now. Barry and I are almost done with the ones up there, so you two, uh, stay put, and we’ll be back in five to get you all good, cool?”

“Extremely,” Kravitz said, forcing a smile. 

Lup, once again, cut through reality, and Kravitz heard another tear open up upstairs, followed by a muffled “oh shit, she’s back” from an unlucky necromancer.

Taako was already kneeling on the concrete floor next to him, his hands ghosting over Kravitz as if he was scared to touch him. “Kravitz-”

Having Taako here, Kravitz felt simultaneously better and worse, happier and even more terrified. Like he could relax with Taako here while, in the same breath, be consumed by the grave reality (no pun intended) that faced him.

“Hello, darling,” Kravitz greeted quietly, weakly.

Taako swallowed thickly and his eyes flitted up to Kravitz’s face before back down his body, checking for wounds. “Who did this?”

Kravitz ran his eyes over the corpses around them. “Look around.”

Taako shook his head, wringing his shaking hands like he didn’t know what to do with them. “This is bullshit, absolute bullshit,” he rambled. “Like, you know that, right? Krav, love, my man, you know this is fucked, yeah? You- you three should take us with you! Like, yeah, we probably don’t want to do shit, but we’ll do it anyway, and-”

“And put you all in danger?” Kravitz asked, quirking an eyebrow. “No thank you.”

“We’ve been through worse!” Taako exclaimed, his voice suddenly loud and forceful and- and the panic in Taako’s voice almost did Kravitz in for.

He had yet to come to the conclusion as to whether or not Death could actually die. Honestly, most signs pointed to no. If anything, his soul would just end up back in the Astral Plane and the Raven Queen would have to come and fish him out and it would all be quite embarrassing. He would probably get a good reprimanding for it, too.

But seeing Taako like this, so close to him and his hands shaking because he’s scared of hurting Kravitz, willingly walking into the base of a necromantic cult because he’s worried about Kravitz... it felt like it might kill him.

“I’m going to be okay,” Kravitz whispered, and he hoped with everything he had left that he was telling the truth. 

Taako took a hard look at Kravitz’s face, worrying his bottom lip, and finally, finally, laid a hand on Kravitz. He gently, carefully, cupped Kravitz’s face, and the sharp breath he took couldn’t be missed. “You’re cold.” Taako’s voice barely reached between the two of them.

“I’m going to be okay, Taako,” Kravitz repeated, more forceful this time, and now it felt more like a reassurance to himself than anything. That was what Kravitz was feeling. Throughout the pain and the exhaustion, there was this heaviness, this heaviness that somehow felt so empty, and of course this was how it played out. He had lost parts of him, parts of him that made him feel so alive, and he was closer to death than he had been in a long time.

Another explosion upstairs. The fighting was quieting down, but it wasn’t yet finished, and Taako looked up like he was trying to see through the ceiling into the chambers above.

“I- I could help them,” he said, his words coming out jumbled and nervous. “We’ll finish them off and then we can help you and-”

And, suddenly, the thought of being alone in this cellar once again sent a spark of something so fearful through Kravitz that, no matter how much it hurt (and, fuck, did it hurt), his hand shot out and grabbed Taako’s wrist and, before he could really think about it, he was saying, “Please don’t let me be alone.”

And, right after, Kravitz actually felt quite pathetic. Kravitz spent most of his afterlife alone. He died a young man in his thirties, and then spent the next couple centuries as Death on his own. He was alone, yes, but he never considered himself lonely. He lived an afterlife so exhillirating that, even if the only other being he consistently came into contact with was the Raven Queen, it was fine.

And then he had a boyfriend and an eccentric pair of coworkers and friends that he hoped lived long, happy, fulfilling lives and, all of a sudden, “being alone” seemed terrifying.

Taako looked back down to him, his mouth slightly agape, and, eyes meeting, they shared between them an understanding.

They had both lived such lonely lives that deserved no repeating.

“Okay,” Taako said, nodding. Nodding a lot. “Okay, yeah, of course, Krav, I’ll stay right here.” Another explosion, and a holler from the two other reapers could be heard. “It sounds like they’ve got it taken care of, anyway.”

Kravitz nodded despite the headache, and pulled his hand back despite the pain that jolted through him again. Taako, who must have seen him wince, frowned. He leaned in and, when his lips were ghosting over Kravitz’s forehead, he whispered, “Is this okay?”

“Please,” Kravitz said, and Taako pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

“You’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.”

“Besides, you look too good to die in a shitty basement. This would be a bullshit way to go.”

Kravitz laughed, and it was tired and quiet, but it still stirred something warm in him. “That would be a fun way to cheat death, yeah?”

“Yeah, and- wait, do you, Death, have a grim reaper?”

“You know, I was wondering the same thing.”

--

“But, Taako, listen,” Lup said for about the fifteenth time the next night, tilting her wine glass in her hand. “We didn’t expect these guys to be so fucking strapped!”

“Yeah, usually our hunts aren’t all that difficult,” Barry, leaning back in his chair, added on. “Like, what was it that one time, with the pirates? We took down, like, a couple ships, yeah? There was maybe twenty people yesterday.”

“And they had us pretty fucked,” Kravitz said, an arm slung around Taako’s shoulder, their chairs pushed together.

“Well, I’ll say,” Taako said, taking a sip from his own glass. “I show up to the scene and Krav looks like he’s one magic missile away from hanging out with Magic Brian and Jenkins and Barbara and everyone else that we’ve killed.”

“Which is a lot,” Kravitz interjected.

“The rituals they had going were fucked, too,” Lup said. “Like, I’ve obviously seen and dabbled with some necromancy in my youth-” Kravitz scoffed “-but this was some next level shit.”

“Still, it would’ve been cool to study-”

Kravitz pointed a finger at Barry. “Listen, Bluejeans, no magic that almost kills me is cool.”

Lup smirked at her husband over the rim of her glass. “Yeah, come on, Barold, get your shit together.” She took a sip. “Hey, if you did kick it, is there a grim reaper for you?”

“That’s what I asked!” Taako exclaimed over Kravitz’s own exclamation of, “Fuck if I know!”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 015: Some Antics on a Boat

Previously on BnHA: Field trip from hell. Ride of the Valkyries played while about 200 villains appeared out of nowhere and tried to murder our beloved superpowered children and split them all up, thus setting the stage for lots of mayhem.

Today on BnHA: We meet the U.A. principal. Deku hangs out with Tsuyu and Mineta on a boat. Mineta gets a lot of focus, and I was prepared for it to be the worst thing ever, but it mostly isn’t, except for about once every four pages or so, when it kinda is.

(ETA: Yeah so he officially took it Too Far in chapter 17 and as of that chapter is now in fact dead to me. But I’m not gonna bother changing the recap, so you can all come along on that journey with me if you are so inclined.)

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 19 23 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

I really have to hunt down these color pages one of these days. I tried a brief google search the other day but it brought up too many pages I hadn’t seen yet, and I didn’t want to spoil myself by accident. guess I’ll have to be patient

son of a bitch All Might is in the break room all the way back at fucking U.A.??

here I thought there was a break room hidden somewhere in USJ. I mean, you’d think they would have one; rescue training has got to be tiring

he says he should be fine in another ten minutes. then he says he’s going now

but he immediately coughs up blood orz

HEY IT’S THIS PANDA WITH A SCAR!! I KNOW THIS GUY! well I don’t know him but I’ve seen him before!

holy fucking SHIT he’s the fucking principal??

what the fuck kind of I’ll-fuck-your-shit-up powers is he fucking hiding behind that cuddly face then

because I know it’s just an assumption, but surely the principal of U.A. has to be a stone-cold badass, right?

I can’t believe this fucking little gerbil knows Deku’s secret

now he’s fucking plugging the fucking superhero vitamin shoppe I can’t

and he’s holding up a tablet with a yahoo news article about All Might saving everyone and their fucking dog earlier that morning

that’s a nice little plug for you, tumblr. yahoo still owns this shit, right?

so this fucking rat praises All Might for being his good heroic self, but then gently tells him off and reminds him to take it easy

I’m glad he’s reminding All Might to take better care of himself, but...

you would fucking think so! and yet!!

oh my god now this guy is sitting down to have tea with him. he’s never going to make it to USJ at this rate

I have to assume the principal isn’t secretly evil, since if he was, he could take down All Might all too easily since he knows all of his fucking secrets. but he sure does have the worst fucking timing, jesus

though again, we still don’t know how much danger All Might would actually be in if he did go to USJ. those villains seemed pretty damn confident. maybe he should just stay here and enjoy some tea

he calls him “Sensei”... not sure if that’s just because the principal outranks him, or if he actually was his teacher at some point. it’s probably the former, but. hmm

and now we’re back at USJ! Thirteen and Iida are on the run along with Still Too Many Arms and The Bulky Guy with Slightly Racist Lips. (do you guys think they’re racist? idk I just think it’s 2018 and there are other ways to draw POC, Japan)

anyway, they’re fighting Dr. Neck who at this point really needs a new name because he’s still a shadowy blob and now he’s looking more like an octopus but Dr. Octopus is already taken, so

for now I’m just gonna call him Not Today, Satan. you know. cuz of all the Swirling Evil

Thirteen is sending Iida back to U.A. to let them know what’s going on since the communications and alarms are down! good thinking to send the guy with super speed. I just hope he has the stamina. they never really mentioned anything about that but I’ll assume he’s good to run however many miles back to the U.A. campus

that is, assuming he’s fast enough to dodge Not Today, Satan. but I have faith

Iida’s trying to argue that he should stay, but clearly this is the most useful thing he can do at the moment, especially considering that he’s the only one who can do it! just go, Iida.

THIS IS YOUR MOMENT, CLASS REPRESENTATIVE

lmao and I was actually thinking the same as NTS here:

oh, just, everyone. in shounen manga, ever, since the beginning of time. but I’m so fucking happy you pointed that out lmao

back on the boat, Mineta is still freaking out very unhelpfully. he thinks they should all just hide somewhere until the grown-up heroes come to save them

meanwhile, Deku is being smart and useful and brings up a very good point that hadn’t even occurred to me:

basically, he deduces that the bad guys don’t know what the kids’ quirks are. so they have the element of surprise on their side, AND the bonus advantage of the villains underestimating them

I’m super impressed with this kid’s leadership and planning skills right now. I know he’s already showed them off, but I’m still mad about him not utilizing Ochako’s powers properly the last time lol. but this time he seems to be off to a great start

also, what a contrast from his first time facing a group of intimidating “villains” back during the entrance exam! he’s come such a long way so quickly

Tsuyu starts listing all of her gross frog abilities (sorry, I love her, but “I can spit out my stomach” is not something I ever needed or wanted to know and now I kind of want to spit out my eyes from the mental image).

so gross

Mineta becomes derangedly fixated on her usage of the word “secrete” and just. why

I actually kind of wish they weren’t loudly explaining all of their strengths and weaknesses to each other within possible earshot of the baddies (some of whom could possess super-hearing for all they know), especially barely three pages after Not Today, Satan chewed out their friends for doing the same exact fucking thing. but whatever

now Mineta’s doing something. what’s your power then, Mineta. something to do with grapes I’m guessing??

how did this kid make it past the entrance exam

LMAO

THEY’RE SO MAD. EVEN DEKU. THAT’S THE MOST STERN I’VE EVER SEEN HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE LUFFY AFTER SOMEBODY HAS JUST TOLD HIM THERE’S NO FOOD

sob now Mineta is crying

this is quality fucking comedy

oh shit the villains are getting tired of waiting

um this unsettling man with a grasshopper face just fucking broke the boat in half

so Mineta shoots out a bunch of panic grapes for absolutely no reason

literally Lambo and his grenade trigger-response

I confess, I really think Mineta is cute and somewhat hilarious when he’s not being a perverted shithead

(ETA: I was young and naive and I didn’t expect him to actually go and start feeling people up holy shit)

Deku berates him at first but then realizes that the bad guys are avoiding the grapes out of an abundance of caution!

Mineta freaks out again, and I was this close to writing down a paragraph about how I really empathize with him, since he’s just a kid and only like four days into high school, and all of a sudden he’s just thrust into this situation where he might fucking die (and probably die horribly at that). this close. but then he has to ruin it with a line about how much he wishes he could have sexually assaulted Momo before he kicked it

so that’s... great

but Deku saves the moment by quoting All Might while simultaneously doing That Thing I Fucking Love where someone tries to be brave and determined even though they’re also clearly scared. look he is trembling

Deku my son you are a constant delight and a gift to the world

oh my god

sure, just casually mention Kacchan as your inspiration for whatever heroic and probably very stupid thing you’re about to do next. go ahead, do that. don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine

...that is very Kacchan-like. like, the face and everything. he knows his shit

also, what exactly is he planning to do?

so he’s thinking that he can’t take out all of them no matter how extreme he goes. and then he says something about not sacrificing his whole arm, so is he gonna pull another stunt like he did with the baseball and his index finger?

GASP HE’S THINKING ABOUT THE EGG IN THE MICROWAVE

IS HE GONNA DO IT? CLENCH LIGHTLY DEKU!!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU

HE’S PULLING BACK HIS MIDDLE FINGER OH MY GOD IS HE GONNA FLICK THE WATER AND CREATE SOME SORT OF TIDAL WAVE

AHHH

THE WORST FUCKING STATE, LITERALLY MY LEAST FAVORITE!! BUT!! ALSO ONE OF THE SMALLEST SO IT’S FITTING!!!

YESSSS

EVEN BETTER THAN A TIDAL WAVE OMG. DUDE CREATED A FUCKING VORTEX

OH FUCK ME I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE THE AFTERMATH. WE ALREADY GET IT, JESUS

lkshdgk it’s not supposed to do that fuckk

Mineta is inspired, somehow, but doesn’t know how the fuck to direct it so he just throws more grapes

but now the grapes are actually coming in handy!!

looks like team rocket’s blasting off againnnn... *ping*

yay! and Deku’s not crying even though his hand is mangled! such a brave strong boy.

and then shawarma after

BONUS:

interesting that he thinks this is somehow “the right balance”

(ETA: hey Horikoshi, psa, literally committing sexual battery is not “balance” in any way, shape, of form. jesus christ. I love Japan for the most part, but the rampant misogyny there is completely ridiculous and I really need them to get their shit together already. #metoo needs to get the fuck underway there like yesterday.)

one thing I DO like though is that Horikoshi actually gives a very thoughtful and detailed explanation for exactly how he passed the exam! thank you for that! now I can stop wondering. I still have no clue about the invisible girl though lol

[jbuffyangel]

Weekly Rundown 10/21/18-10/26/18

Time to rundown what I’m watching, loving, hating and everything in between! Spoilers ahead! Full episode reviews and reactions are linked in the titles.

Daredevil Season 3

Just so y’all know - most nuns do not wear their habits in public anymore. It’s been that way since Vatican II, but TV refuses to catch up.

The action is amaaaaazing again. I love how Matt actually gets tired when he’s fighting.

I don’t want Matt to put that ugly Daredevil suit on again he looks ridiculous. Keep the black mask and call it a day.

I want Foggy to propose very badly. I need a Foggy wedding in Season 4.

Is there any particular reason why Karen didn’t haul ass to Frank’s Punisher lair when her life was in danger and Matty Mcbrown eyes was off Daredeviling an existential crisis? That’s where I’d go.

Matt refusing to ask the other Defenders help because “it’s not their fight” is the stupidest reason ever.

Arrow (“The Longbow Hunters”)

It is a bit creepy when Stan says, “I bet a guy like that would do anything to keep his family safe.” Maybe Stan is a nuthouse, but leave me to my dream for now.

Is it me or did Yorke look older than 40? 1978????

Deputy Director Bell is evil. Calling it now.

The Longbow Hunters don’t actually use bows. This is a twist I did not see coming.

Bl*ck S*ren can’t lawyer worth a damn, but she can wear a suit.

“Stay behind me.” That was oddly hot Rene. I’m wildly uncomfortable that I find you attractive right now, but it is what it is.

Rene: Been back in town a week and you’re already sneaking out of A.R.G.U.S. behind Papa Dig’s back? I’m so proud.

Felicity: Thanks man.

This whole exchange was delightful and not remotely derogatory like “Blondie.” THY NAME IS CHARACTER GROWTH.

“Grab your balls Curtis, we’re going in.” If the Rene character only exists to say this one line of dialogue then it was worth it.

Why didn’t BS and Dinah go after the Longbow Hunter? What is up with allowing all these criminals to run away at a moderately brisk pace and our people acting like they can’t catch them? They are called legs! Move your ass!  

BITCH YOU BETTER NOT STEP ON THAT PHOTO!!!!!!!

Legends of Tomorrow  (“The Virgin Gary”)

Legends Season 4 premiere is fantastic and full of all the hi-jinks I’ve missed over hiatus.

“Speaking of the same old crap isn’t that what he did last year?”Legends gets points for acknowledging that Wally gets the storyline shaft a lot.

When you are officially a hero the time bureau gives you a medal, but I was more excited about the balloons.

It would be super weird if the Legends spent more than a day in 2018.

Remember when Oliver asked Sara to move in with him and she went running screaming in the other direction? It all worked out because Sara knew he was really in love with Felicity. I’m just saying she’s come a looooong way.

I want to be clear about one thing and it’s not up for debate. Ready? The best thing about Legends is Mick. It’s always Mick. That is all.

OMG NATE’S FATHER IS BIFF FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE?????!!!!!!!! THIS IS SPECTACULAR CASTING!!!

Manifest “Connecting Flights”

It was nice to fill in the back story of the characters left behind after the plane went missing, however the show is starting to lose my attention. I need more movement on these character relationships. Manifest is hitting a lot of the same notes week after week.

This Is Us (“Toby”)

Randall is going ahead with the city council job? Are they independently wealthy Does no one have to work?

Baby Toby is the cutest.

Holy crap is this how in vitro really works? It’s so friggin expensive and no guarantees. Wow, my sympathies to all those who have gone through this excruciating process.

Randall unbuttoning his shirt is all the reason I need to vote for him. Done deal. 

Toby used his wonderful sense of humor to cheer up his depressed Mom. Ugh my heart.

But for real though sometimes you need just “one damn day.” #MomLife

Three hours to get ready Kate? Just as an FYI - that’s all over when you have a baby. You’ll be lucky to get a shower.

Miguel carried a piano up stairs to cheer Rebecca up. That’s love.

“There’s so much of her in you it scares me.” THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILD ASSHOLE.

A+ on the prom dresses. Absolutely what I wore in high school. We were fashionista slaves in the late nineties.

Kate’s impression of Adele is dead on.

Miguel tries so hard. He’s just trying to keep his promise to Jack.

Rebecca is such an amazing mom. Kate doesn’t give her nearly enough credit.

KATE IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Rookie (Pilot” and “Crash Course”)

I really loved The Rookie. I typically don’t hate procedurals, but this one has surprised me thus far. It’s fast paced, so it held my attention more. I hope it stays that way. 

I love how it is the rookies versus the training officers. It fills my Rookie Blue void.

I am not invested in any ships yet. I am not buying the romance between Nolan and Lucy so far. I actually think Lucy has more chemistry with Bradford and Nolan with the Captain.

A Million Little Things (“Friday Night Dinner” and “The Game of Your Life”)

I want to love this show, but they are making it next to impossible. I hate cheating storylines in any show. It’s one of the main reasons I quit watching Shonda Rhimes’ shows because she is unable to write one without including adultery. Arrow’s original love story revolved around cheating and was an absolute mess. It feels like a lazy way to inject drama. This cheating storyline between Eddie and Delilah is making two characters who are otherwise very likable extremely unlikable. 

Instead of jettisoning this plot into the atmosphere where it belongs and never speaking of it again, A Million Little Things is double down on it.  Delilah is pregnant! Oh wonderful, now we get to play “Who’s the Daddy?” for several weeks.

Apparently, the writers come from The Fl*sh school of writing. Characters can only be mad at other characters for one episode. All the friends found out about Eddie and Delilah’s affair and the very next week they are sitting down to pizza. It’s at Delilah’s house and Eddie’s wife Katherine comes too because FRIENDS. No. Just no.

Instead of being angry at Eddie and Delilah, the friends make excuses for them. Regina’s conversation with Delilah turned into a huge “I didn’t see your pain” apology, which is flat out ridiculous. What Delilah did was so off the charts wrong there is no excuse for it. If you are in pain see a therapist. It’s not an excuse to cheat on your husband. Also, Regina you are not to blame for Delilah lying to everyone for over two years. 

Gary, who has been the angriest, decides he’s being too hard on Eddie (ya know by actually holding him accountable for his actions) and lets Eddie move in with him after his wife finally kicked him out. Are you freaking kidding me with this? I was already mildly irked at Gary for giving Delilah a free pass, but I understood his reasoning because her husband just jumped off a building. She has been punished quite a lot. But Eddie? I think we could muster a couple episodes of anger towards Eddie.

The writers attempted drum up sympathy for Delilah by shining a little light on her seemingly perfect marriage with Jon. It’s not really perfect, but what marriage is? Jon was short with Delilah during a family dinner. He took a phone call from work and snapped, “Everything I do is for this family.” What a bastard. Of course, that is reason enough for Delilah to jump into bed with Eddie, her husband’s best friend. GIVE. ME. A. FRIGGIN. BREAK. If my husband slept with someone else every time I was cranky with him, he’d have a harem.

So, on top of being suicide apologists, the writers are adding cheating apologists. There is no reason to cheat. It’s just mean. Nobody has put a gun to your head. If you want out of your marriage you march to an attorney’s office and file for divorce. Not sure if you want a divorce? Then go to counseling. But cheating, under any circumstances, is wrong. It’s cruel and selfish. It’s trying to have your cake and eat it too. A Million Little Things trying to excuse away Eddie and Delilah’s heinous behavior is almost as bad as the cheating itself. Trying to make suicide and cheating okay with excuses is dangerous behavior. I AM NOT A FAN.

Stray Thought - on what planet is a school program presented in the middle of the freaking day? What kind of ridiculous school do Eddie and Katherine send their son to?

Blindspot (“The Quantico Affair”) 

Zapata has a very interesting running stride. Sorry I was in cross country. That stuff interests me

Roman saying "He knows. This is it. Kill him" underscores the dramatic tension.

I’m gonna need someone on Team Blindspot to pick up on Remi's side eye. Y'all are FBI agents for goodness sake.

I don't actually know what Patterson's name is, but I feel confident it is not Lisa.

I think Martin Gero saw me write "Where is Patterson's storyline?" in my last review. I could have opted for patience, but complaining loudly via written word felt like a better plan. 

Hey watch the condemnation Remi aka Jane aka double secret agent who told so many lies I can't keep it straight anymore.

OMG Rich not explaining how the tattoo was solved is the best thing ever. PLEASE DO THIS EVERY WEEK

I wanna talk about the Book of Secrets mostly because Rich calls it the Book of Secrets.

Hahaha. Her one night stand showed up at work. This is how Meredith and McDreamy began. I highly recommend elevator scenes too.

One night stand boy is Weitz's nephew. IT. JUST. GOT. BETTER

Sure Madeline come on in and check out our super secret tattoo murder board.

"Thundercats ho!" OMG was that an ad lib?

Totally ship Patterson and this dude. I should probably learn his name.

Somebody tell Rich about the one night stand. Pleeeeeeeease.

I'm not calling him Lincoln. He shall be known as "Slab of Man-Ham" forevermore.

Patterson and Rich are the perfect work wife/husband team. Remember Rich is the work wife

How does Weitz maintain employment? This may be the greatest of all Blindspot's mysteries.

Of course "Jane" and Weller are on the train Weitz. IT'S THEIR JOB. Seriously someone get this dude a DVD of #Blindspot S1-S3

Patterson girl, Jane is never that cranky with you when she's diffusing bombs. SOMEBODY NOTICE PERSONALITY CHANGES PLEASE!!!

"You're new here." ALL KNEEL TO PATTERSON.

[vera-invenire]

VnC Liveblog - Chapter 14

Previously: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13

Those are, uh, some interesting eyes you got there, Murr. I know you’re a cat, but please don’t murder anyone, kay? Please, Murr.

We start with a recap of our latest mystery -- in one week three vampires have mysteriously disappeared and the suspected kidnappers are the Church’s anti-vampire unit, the chasseurs. (should that be capped? eh, I’ll leave it for now.)

I see Vanitas still hasn’t bounced back from whatever blow he was dealt when he recognized that button. Only now he looks...sad, too?

Mentioning the Vampire of the Blue Moon in a general way makes him almost defiantly manic and driven; mentioning his quest for revenge makes him look not only lost but like he lost something, like it’s still an open wound. Mentioning the chasseurs gets you a face similar to the lost look, but he’s maybe not quite as dazed? I think it’s the difference between still being gutted and raw and being resigned to the wound, maybe? Speculating off of two textless panels is so fun and productive, guys.

Anyway, the catacombs! The catacombs of Paris are famous, y’all. LOTS of skulls, so of course it’s perfect for VnC.

Memoire 14 Catacombs

Where the Dead Sleep

Well, I hope they’re not playing poker.

(I bet you ten bucks Noé got distracted looking at the streetcar and didn’t realize it was leaving. The things Vanitas has to put up with, honestly. Aw, and Murr caught the eye of a fancy lady! That’s the real love story, right there.)

So the catacombs are a vast ossuary built inside an old system of quarries, we’re told. Twenty meters underground and roughly two hundred kilometers in length, it is said to house the earthly remains of approx. six million people.

So many skulls, guys. (Vanitas picked a good name)

Riche: oh god oh god, i just touched him, i just touched the hot guy, what do i do, he l p

Murr, why you giving her the stink-eye, she’s nice.

Look at this smooth, mofo. He caught the girl AND the candle. Thank god he’s oblivious or else nothing would be able to stop him.

(the real plot twist of VnC: Noé knows EXACTLY what he’s doing when he gives people That Look. He just acts oblivious to stave off the incipient fanclubs. *le gasp*)

Guys, I think the dhams are my favorites. And Dante’s angling for the de Sades, eh?

Noé’s not interested in the comedy routine, though -- something else is distracting him.

I’m glad Noé’s noticed something is off about Vanitas. He’s been avoiding the ‘camera’ for a bit now, which isn’t like him. It’s almost as if he’s withdrawing to the background, an intriguing facet of Vanitas’ personality that we haven’t seen before. But Noé notices he’s gone and won’t let him slip away so easily.

(though now that I think about it, the retreat to quietness isn’t completely new -- it’s what he does when he goes up on the rooftops, after all. we just haven’t seen him get this introspective around others before.)

Hmm, vampires in the tunnels of Paris, fighting the chasseurs...this is reminding me of World War Z, ie. it sounds freaking terrifying, yikes. (er, the book, not movie version. don’t think that made it into the movie.)

“There could even be another war.”

And vampires going feral and attacking humans sounds like just the thing that could provoke another human-vampire war, don’t it. This could turn into one of our big stakes in the series. And with the introduction of Jeanne, who fought in the last war; the chasseurs, who also fought in the last war; Ruthven, who brokered the end of the war...well. It’s not hard to imagine that the board is being set up again.

(it occurs to me that if there’s a faction of vampires that actually WANTS war, a simple way of bringing it about would be to accuse the humans of causing the spread of Charlatan and the curse)

(...they...could blame a human...a particular human in possession of a Book that is made to alter vampires’ true names...)

(oh, crap)

(o_o)

Hey, Vanitas is laughing! First time that’s happened since last chapter when he left Orlok’s office. Good job, Dante.

Noé’s still watching, though.

Vanitas looks run-down. He’ll laugh at Dante getting busted by the guards, but his mood is still extremely -- flat? tired? -- right now.

I love how Johann has no compunctions at all to cozying up to Noé. He’s like, hot guy? Don’t mind if I do.

We already know Noé is a little oblivious when it comes to people, so I think it says a lot that he’s already so attuned to Vanitas.

He knew right away that Vanitas’ reaction on the chandelier was weird (and seems to have hit the bullseye as to why) and he knows when Vanitas’ actions are a veneer over something else. He’s already started differentiating between what’s real and what’s a front when it comes to Vanitas, even if he can’t always understand what he sees (see: their dance). And they’ve known each other for what, a few weeks?

Poor Vanitas. Noé was already disinclined to go along with the most egregious examples of Vanitas’ bullshit -- now that Noé’s Vanitas Radar is getting more refined, soon Vanitas won’t be able to get away with anything. For a loner like him, that might be hard to adjust to.

(Noé looks so comfy, I wish I could sleep like that. Vanitas, don’t you think you’d be more comfortable sleeping inside with Noé, he could use you like a pillow)

This button is a Symbol, and I think it used to be an important one.

Though -- is he looking at the back of it? Are we gonna get an FMA-style message on it?

And hey, speaking of FMA, check out that pocket-watch --

Vanitas waits on the roof until -- what is that, 3am? -- then gets up with a slightly alarming look of grim determination, dark bags under his eyes. (he didn’t sleep at all)

Someone’s trying to sneak out in the dead of night. What are you planning?

!!!!!!!!

:D :D :D

omg. I’m cackling. Look at Noé standing there. Fully dressed! Leaning on the wall with one hand in his pocket! Casually reading! Ahhh, this is the best. Reminder that Noé can be hellishly smooth when he feels like it and it’s awesome.

Not only did he outmaneuver Vanitas, but he scheduled his nap perfectly because he knew Vanitas and knew his next likely course of action, even though (because) Vanitas hardly said anything during the day. This pleases me so much, you have no idea.

(and not only is the nap thing galling on principle, but now Noé is well-rested while Vanitas is walking around with visible bags under his eyes. It’s beautiful.)

*epic flaily hands*

guys, guys, it’s a reversal of chapter 2! look, look!

This chapter is gold.

I LOVE parallels, especially when the shoe ends up on the other foot. Even Vanitas’ coat looks deflated this time around, ha.

I think my bottom lip is wobbling. Boys.

The best part -- the best part -- is we already know Noé likes Vanitas’ cranky face. He must be enjoying this as much as I am, lmao.

Also, please note that Vanitas can’t seem to say ‘no’ to Noé, to the point where it’s kind of turning into a pattern. A delightful pattern.

(Thanks to Assassin’s Creed: Unity, I, too, know where this side entrance to Notre Dame is located. Thanks, Assassin’s Creed.)

Hm, hold up.

Lock-picking seems like a very Vanitas-ish skill, so I’m not questioning that. (I do question what his upbringing was like, but that’s another conversation). No, the thing is, didn’t he use the Book to pick a lock in Orlok’s office before?

Yup. There are the formula marks. So why didn’t he use the Book this time?

...wait a minute. wait a goddamn minute.

holy shit. vanitas didn’t have the Book when they went to orlok’s office. that was the whole POINT of going to orlok, HE had the Book, so --

Vanitas can alter formulas without the Book?

UM.

Nothing like a little B&E (plus assault) to get one’s spirits back up.

Vanitas finds a hidden switch behind the candelabra that opens a secret passage. (this may also have been in Assassin’s Creed.)

“These aren’t like the place we visited this afternoon. There are entrances to the underground labyrinth all over Paris. ...but the catacombs we’re headed for are made so that only those in the know can reach them.”

...uh-huh. So how do YOU know about them? And if you knew, why’d you just follow the dhams to the tourist spot? Were you that thrown by that button?

The chasseurs live down here? Uh.

What’s that saying about those who hunt monsters...?

...

...Vanitas was a freaking chasseur, wasn’t he.

But he left them? Or they left him? How does the Vampire of the Blue Moon fit into that?

It would also mean that he lied to Noé in the beginning when Noé asked if he was a chasseur or a bourreau, but. That wouldn’t be much of a surprise. And not technically a lie if he wasn’t one anymore?

Sheltered he may be, but our boy Noé ain’t no dummy.

they’re his former comrades

*raises eyebrow* Chasseurs but not chasseurs? Renegade chasseurs, maybe?

And he knows exactly how they fight because of course he does.

This explains so much. The abilities of the vampires are on a whole ‘nother level, literally superhuman, so it’s easy to overlook sometimes that Vanitas is a really good fighter for a human.

Particularly against vampires.

He’s been doing this vampire-doctor thing for a little while now, right? Meaning, he’s been hunting down transformed and blood-mad vampires and fighting them with only one reluctant, mercenary dhampir as back-up. Sure, he latched onto Noé as a ‘shield’ immediately (probably because he had a few too many close calls and, unlike with Dante, he doesn’t have to pay for Noé), but he was still fighting -- and surviving -- the monsters long before Noé got on the scene.

So were could he have possibly gotten these vampire hunting skills? *insert thinking emoji*

(I don’t know how the Vampire of the Blue Moon fits into all this, but taken with the chasseurs, I can’t help but find Vanitas’ current vocation dryly amusing. Both these entities from his past who HATE VAMPIRES have done Vanitas wrong, so what’s he gonna do?

He’s gonna turn around and save the goddamn vampires out of spite. (...and probably for some other reason we don’t know about yet, because Vanitas, but you get the idea))

Oh look! More skeletons. (momento mori, yus)

Oh shit. It’s that guy from the end of chapter 13.

...oh god, this is a trophy room, isn’t it.

The boys are like “oh, f---!”

This guy’s design is weirdly -- cherubic?, and it’s freaking me out.

Hm. So lower-ranking (-powered?) vampires revert to a more human physiology after death? Why?

And damn, these skulls are in seriously bad shape. Must have been a hell of a fight to take each of them out. Shows the power of the chasseurs, for certain.

Is this guy taunting them?

Noé just seems shocked (as he should), but Vanitas almost looks struck dumb, like he doesn’t know what to do with Disturbingly Cheerful guy.

Hmm, a couple things.

I thought this guy’s name was Roland?? @vnckocurzyca, I think you said his name was Roland? It’s got all the marks of a translation error (swapped Ls and Rs), I just want to know the right name to call this guy, lol. (and if YP screwed up the translation so I can rag on them a bit)

Another thing that might only be amusing to me -- Vanitas has been carrying a sling on his back that I’ve been assuming carries the Book, his knives, etc. But when he stands next to Cheerful Guy who has his own his massive sling (that looks an awful like some sort of improbable weapon of the Kingdom Hearts variety), Vanitas looks like nothing so much as a Boy Scout standing next to an Eagle Scout and it’s kinda hilarious.

Just think about it. In another lifetime, this guy could have been Vanitas’ senpai.

Cheerful Guy is important, I see.

So, he got his high position sometime after Vanitas was no longer associated with the chasseurs? And he wasn’t even posted in the area until recently. Gives me reason to think he wasn’t involved in whatever happened to break Vanitas away from them.

Though it occurs to me the chasseurs might not recognize him anyway, depending on how long ago the association was (couldn’t have been that long, Vanitas is only 18 according to the omake) and when exactly he took on the name ‘Vanitas’. They might have known him under another name, maybe his REAL name, and isn’t THAT thought interesting.

“I’m Vincent and he’s Gilbert.”

“I’m Vincent and he’s Gilbert.”

“~I’M VINCENT AND HE’S  G I L B E R T.~”

ahhhhh, I love easter eggs.

(I prefer to read Vanitas’ bowing and babbling here as his version of a customer service voice. you know, that really fake, ‘sincerely apologetic’ one everyone who has ever worked in retail had to master.)

(is that not the face of every retail worker in the world, I mean, come on)

Vanitas has NO IDEA how to deal with this man, it’s amazing. But it looks like they haven’t been made (yet), so that’s good.

That armor on Mr Paladin’s arms is very reminiscent of Jeanne’s leg armor, no?

*tilts head* Is this a typical shounen-ish ‘he’s strong’ assessment, or can Noé analyze him on a different level because of his vampire eyes?

Either way, it says this guy is more dangerous than he seems. Guess you don’t rise to the rank of paladin by sitting on your butt.

(and what exactly is that weapon on his back???)

...y’all. I play a lot of video games. Suddenly walking into a large room with strategically placed cover spots is A VERY BAD SIGN.

I HOPE YOU SAVED BEFORE THIS CHECKPOINT, GUYS.

Ohhh, shit. There it is. Mr Paladin was playing them the entire time and they fell for it like a pair of shmucks.

Specifically, VANITAS fell for it. Dude, the sneaky tricks are supposed to be your area of expertise. Either this guy is better than you or you are seriously off your game. (possibly both)

(...random, but Mr Paladin is reminding me a bit of Might Guy. probably the gushing emotion and positivity.)

A flash bomb? And Vanitas knows exactly what it is, knows it’s meant to hurt Noé specifically. It also means that Mr Paladin knows Noé is a vampire, probably knew it when he was gushing about all those be-fanged skull trophies. Man, you can never trust the goofy ones.

When you think about it, a flash bomb would be the perfect weapon to use against vampires in an enclosed space like underground tunnels.

I’m paying attention to how MochiJun is depicting the affects of the flash on Noé ‘cause we still know precious little about how vampires eyes, and vampires in general, work.

So, we’ve got a shattering, as if the flash caused the world to break apart for Noé, and then a disorienting swirl where his vision is completely obscured. His eyes really are his weak point.

...ohhoho, wait. Wait, wait, wait, I just remembered something.

Vanitas used the flash bomb trick on Jeanne, way back in chapter 3 --

The canister looks about the same, too. I guess now we know why Vanitas keeps one of those in his pack.

It didn’t work as well on Jeanne, but, well, it’s Jeanne.

Mr Paladin is not only dangerous, but also creepy. And kind of dehumanizing, too, which I suppose is to be expected from this group. Not like Veronica de Sade is much better.

Alright, so. Does this mean Noé can usually see the two ‘worlds’ separately? And this is a thing all vampires can do because of their eyes, while some powerful vampires are then able to rewrite the formulas they see on a large scale? Though since Paracelsus was able to trigger Babel, that means having the innate ability to see formulas isn’t a requirement for rewriting them. And, you know, the existence of the Book.

...why would the Vampire of the Blue Moon, who could presumably also see and change formulas as other vampires do, need to write a Book that allows people to do the same thing? What the hell is in that Book, anyway? Does it just deal with True Names?

Give me answers, MochiJun! *shakes tiny fist*

oh geez, the disorientation was so bad it made Noé physically sick.

And Mr Paladin, the doll look is not an improvement, fyi.

So, if Vanitas can rewrite formulas without the Book, is that power also in his eyes, even though he doesn’t have the weird pupil-thing going on like the vampires, or does he work magic the way Paracelsus (presumably) did? Did the flash bang affect him, too? He’s not in the same kind of distress as Noé, but he had an instant’s more warning and DID cover his eyes. Hmm.

I do appreciate Vanitas’ panic over Noé’s plight, though! That’s always heartening to see.

That’s the frown of Bracing Yourself To Do Your Job. Because that’s what killing vampires is to this guy, his job. And he’s not nearly as gullible or naive as he looks.

Uh-oh.

Do we have a super-soldier serum on our hands here? That would explain how the chasseurs are able to take on vampires one-on-one.

Never trust the goofballs.

(i don’t think this fight is going to go well for our heroes, guys.)

Next up, CHAPTER 15!

[torc87]

How I learned that Opera is not for me because fan fiction has spoiled me - An Essay.

So I went to a screening of Puccini's Turandot this evening. Metropolitan Opera so it was Beautifully performed, Beautifully sung, lovely costumes and stage settings ( ok, those lost out a bit from not being live but not by much) .... And I was Annoyed to Death by EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER.

Like, I genuinely wanted the main characters to be executed already annoyed.

And sure, watching requires some suspension of disbelief. Love at first sight, with someone who just ordered a man executed, ok. Fine. But...

So to start. The main male lead, the romantic prince risking his life to wed Turandot, is a Selfish freaking asshole. Like omg, he has No redeeming qualities.

First off, how selfish is it to abandon the father he Just found, the blind father that just minutes ago he was delighted to see alive, in order to risk his life on a bunch of riddles that dozens of other men failed to answer.

Like, I don't know if it's pure arrogance believing he alone can win, but it is flat out selfish of him to try when his father begs him to help him and stay with him. He very selfishly puts his filial responsibility of Liu, the slave who has taken care of his father till now. It's self centeredness of the highest order. From the moment he ignores not just the advisors telling him dozens of men have tried so he will be executed too, but also his father's begging? I have zero sympathy for him.

Next follows the three advisors scene. And that one...i am confused by. Like, how does that fit the rest of the Opera? What does the three advisors longing for home in the country have to do with Turandot's bloody challenge? Even if she wed someone, they would still be advisors and still reading their sacred texts in the capital instead of their house far away with a lake and a forest.

They annoy me both bc I don't see how their complaint has anything to do w Turandot's wedding and also bc...if you miss your house in the country, quit, resign and go. You arent slaves, you are civil servants in high positions. Ones I presume you worked for to get. Pretty sure you won't be executed for resigning or asking for a vacation. That scene just didn't fit at all.

Ok, next.

Turandot is admittedly horrible. Bc ok, having her suitors killed? Fine, she's justified. They knew the risks, knew she didn't want to marry them, they made the choice to pursue her against her will anyway.

( also how haven't all the countries whose princes were executed start a war yet? Good diplomacy this is not)

But ok, no sympathy for the suitors. She doesn't wish to wed or have sex with anyone. Fair enough, maybe she's gay or asexual or just doesn't want to go from princess to possession. Ignore that and try to coerce her with the challenge and you basically brought the consequences on yourself.

Calaf included in this by the way. He's an asshole to ignore that she doesn't want to be wed and just focus on his lust and how he desires to make her his. The main romantic hero is a Selfish asshole. Greaaat, pretty sure that's not what Puccini intended.

But then Turandot also orders the city not to sleep ( what is That meant to accomplish?) And has an old blind man and a servant girl tortured.

And yeaaah, at that point she stops being sympathetic. She is violent and cruel in her fear and hurts innocents. She must be doing more than executing her suitors bc the entire city is terrified of her and convinced she will have them tortured if they don't figure out Calaf's name. Great, so that's the main heroine who in theory should be getting a happy ending...and is a horrible human being.

Who do we have left?

Three advisors again. The scene where they offer Calaf women and jewels and power if he tells them his name. Um...do they think he forgot that if he gives them his name he will die at dawn? Not much use for those jewels if he is dead. Why not try bribing him to just go away? Pretty sure the princess will be delighted and will reward them if they manage it, name or no name.

So, advisors are annoying.

Emperor? Not annoying just kinda absent. Not really an active enough character to be annoying.

Liu and Timur.

So not much to say about Timur. He could probably try harder to keep Calaf from taking the challenge. And the stereotype of blindness as helplessness is...not great. Like, he was a king, deposed or not. What, nothing was left? It would be much more original to have him be an active strong character. Hell, have him kill himself instead of Liu, a noble sacrifice. Kingly. And ok, it's an 800 year old tale, have to let sone things go. Deep breath.

Then there's Liu. Noble, caring, self sacrificing Liu. Why is she annoying? Well first, bc she could have just lied and said that the stranger had helped her out when her master fell and didn't introduce himself. I know, suspension of disbelief. But it is annoying.

And second....Calaf does Not deserve that sort of devotion. The selfish son of a bitch watched his father be roughed up and Liu tortured in front of him. All he has to do to stop it was say 'i will leave and willingly refuse to marry you'. There, he lives, and torture stops.

That sort of suicidal devotion bc he was kind to her once...its annoying and to me felt very undeserved. More like self effacement than love.

So then Liu dies. And Calaf is intended and tells Turandot she is cruel and bloodthirsty. Like yeah, you only now got that? Not when she had a man executed in front of you when you first saw her?

But you still love her and want to marry her despite the bloodthirstyness? Greaaat. Love your morals Calaf.

So then Calaf metaphorically rapes her. Like, I know it's just a kiss but she is clearly unwilling and I'm pretty sure that kiss represents sexual congress with all the talk of stirring her desire.

And ugh, I hate 18th century 'forced kisses are romantic and she's sure to want more' thing. Modern perspective interferes a bit.

But then he gives her his name and puta his life in her hands and she agrees to marry him and it's all happy ending love won, right?

Um, did Calaf forget that his father and Liu just killed themselves not an hour before? That he promised revenge for it?

Real happy union that.

But yeah, both the prince and Turandot are horrible people who deserve each other.

And at first I wanted a fanfiction with a happy ending to fix it, maybe have the three of them end up together...but now I dont like any if the characters and want to rewrite the whole thing to Make them decent people w logical reasons for what they do...and THEN have the three of them end up together.

I've been spoiled with fanfiction usually easily available to fix crappy canon. Except I think this is crappy enough I want a bottom up type rewrite. And I doubt many people care enough about it to have written it so...guess I might have to try.

.