#omar's face is very pretty

[hikingofthenoldor]

Lawrence of Arabia (1962) is a visually stunning film.

I want to dissect the compositions and eat the colours. So I did the next best thing and that was grabbing a few screenshots and the colour picker and roughly painting on top, then deleting the screenshots underneath and painting in some vague details.

[cinnaleaf]

In Your DMs: Left on Read - Ch 1: Never Say Never

summary: you left jude on read once—but after one reckless night, he’s making damn sure you never ignore him again 💫 | MDNI 18+

warnings: angst/tension, push/pull dynamic, alcohol consumption, party setting, language, sexual references, public argument, easter eggs from previous fics wc: ~5.9k (approx. 21 minutes) 💋: it’s only chapter 1… pray for them. song inspo: VeLDÁ x Bad Bunny ft Omar Courtz & Dei V

It had been two weeks since you hooked up with Jude in a drunken rendezvous, and while the dick was surprisingly fantastic, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t starting to get the ick. You gave Jude your number after you left his house that afternoon in post-orgasm delusion and he’d been bombarding your phone with texts, voice messages, unscheduled facetime calls, and random tiktoks that “reminded him of you” ever since. He clearly thought your hookup was something more, which made you regret your decision to give him any attention at all. Although pretty privilege had its perks, a world class footballer being obsessed with you was not a perk you wanted to engage in – especially when it was Jude Bellingham.

You sat in the apartment you shared with Bri and Tasha, watching your other friend, Mateo, scroll through his phone while shaking his head. “Miss girl…” he drawled with an amused grin. “They have all of your tea in 4k. All of it.” Mateo handed his phone to you and you nastily glared at the screen, annoyed that you suddenly became a part of whatever the fuck this was:

SpillTheBeansUK Looks like Jude Bellingham had his eye on something other than football two weeks ago 👀. The England star was spotted leaving a Madrid club with 21 year old Y/N, an NYU Tisch film & television student from Miami who’s currently studying abroad and very much a regular in both cities’ party scenes. Her dad is none other than THE ‘Dr. Cinch’, the mastermind behind SculptHaus Miami, the go to clinic for IG baddies and A-listers looking for that perfect CINCHED look 💉 Jude’s no stranger to being deep in a girl’s likes, but he’s been extra consistent with Y/N’s lately. What’s really going on here? Because word is, she’s not exactly the type to be impressed.. especially by ballers like him. 🤨

2Fast4VAR wait she’s from miami?? bro lost before he even started. she’s built different. 😂

CertifiedMenace69 if i was jude i’d be in her dms, comments, and her email too she’s bad af

BigBootyJudeyFC he’s about to start liking those inspirational quotes on IG like “if it’s meant to be, it will be.” 💀

MissMiamiDade305 jude better watch out... does anyone remember when she had that miami promoter crying on IG live last year?? she does NOT play with these men 💀💀

gossipgorlzzz not him liking her pics and finally getting the W! stay persistent kings!!

SpillTheBeansES Si Jude cree que puede cambiarla.. le deseo suerte 🤷‍♀️ (If Jude thinks he can change her.. I wish him luck)

JudePorFavor jude’s probably in her DMs like “pls respond angel 😩” LMAO

Baddiebydesign not dr. cinch’s daughter!! she’s set for life. face card AND her dad’s the plug? i bet her friends never have to pay for fillers 😭

AnonymousInsider13 i heard she’s cool with that real madrid baloncesto guy too…santiago something. ngl that man is fine af. if she’s choosing between him and jude i see why she’s taking her sweet time 

RedBlooded1892 maybe her dad can fix jude’s shoulder that’s about to fall off the hinge 😭 cinchdollsnob her dad literally invented half the faces we double tap. a baddie with real face card genetics. life ain’t fair. ChampagnePapiButBroke jude and his big bum liking all her pics is sending me. boy was lurking HARD

ChickenNCoke cinched bellibabe is kind of an iconic alias icl

mamacitasintl lmaooo if jude’s trying to lock her down..good luck. her dad probably has a vetting process more intense than real madrid’s medicals

nosygirlieFC jude defo heard about trent bagging the perfume baddie and thought he could do the same LOL

You were annoyed by the post to an extreme amount. Whoever was the administrator of this god awful account decided to treat you like you were some Z list Love Island reject instead of a girl who got dicked down ONE time in a moment of weakness and dipped.

Bri leaned over to scan the screen and let out a cackle. “ ‘Jude Bellingham had his eye on something other than football two weeks ago!’ ” she mimicked in a dramatized voice. 

“Ew.” You scrunched your nose in disgust. 

Tasha was deep in the comments on her own phone, scrolling at lightning speed. “No but, ‘She’s not exactly the type to be impressed… especially by ballers like him’ is so shady,” she snorted, flicking her eyes to yours. “The streets know you too well.”

Mateo looked at you with a sly grin, clasping his hands together. “Sooo...how does it feel to be a Bellingham Baddie?”

You cut your eyes at him. “Don’t fucking start.”

“It’s too late.” Bri waved her phone in the air, grinning. “Your inauguration is already underway. These people are in the comments eating it up.”

“Let me see” Mateo snatched Bri’s phone from her and started reading out loud. “ ‘She’s bad as hell, I’d be in her likes too.’ ” He smirked, flipping his wrist. “Real recognizes real.”

Tasha leaned over, giggling. “Wait, this one says ‘Jude’s in his romantic era. He’s playing the long game.’ ”

“Oh hell no. Absolutely not.” You reached for the phone but Mateo dodged you with the speed of a messy gay man who lived for drama. 

“Hold on, hold on.” He scrolled further, widening his eyes before he started howling. “Ohhh girl, not this one!” he wheezed, hardly able to get his words out. “ ‘Jude’s big bum came from Dr. Cinch? Noted.’ ”

Bri and Tasha both started laughing with tears streaming down their eyes. “Not Jude having BBL allegations because they found out who your dad is!”

You ran your hands across your face, shaking your head. “I hate this app.”

Mateo was screaming along with the other two, kicking his feet out but you really didn’t find it all that funny. “No, I LOVE this app!”

After their laughter subsided, Tasha shook her head, continuing to scroll through the comments. “The way they dug up your whole life just off one club sighting is actually insane.”

“I know. They need jobs.” You groaned, leaning back against the cushions. 

Mateo tilted his head while eyeing you. “Well, since you’re the new bombshell in the Bellingham Baddie villa, you may as well tell me...how was it?”

Bri and Tasha perked up immediately, turning to face you while giggling, mainly because they already knew. You groaned, rolling your eyes as you picked up your own phone. “It was fine.”

“Fine?” Mateo questioned, not fully believing you because you usually gave him the full rundown in detail, but this time you were holding back. “Just fine?! Don’t tell me he’s a minute man. It’s always the hot ones.”

Bri leaned in. “Mmm, I don’t know about that. Tasha and I called and she couldn’t even talk. That man blew her back out for sure.”

“In her words exactly.. it was ‘one hundred percent worth it’ ” Tasha added. “If the dick was bad she would’ve come home the next day and roasted his ass but she didn’t. She was quiet as a mouse.”

Mateo pointed at you accusingly, narrowing his eyes while analyzing you. “And you keep dodging the conversation which means it had to be amazing.”

You rolled your eyes, fake scrolling through your phone like you always did when you couldn’t look someone in the eye. “Well I don’t know about all of that now...he’s doing too much.”

Mateo snickered. “You gave him the best pussy of his life and dipped. Of course he’s doing too much.”

You groaned again, letting your head fall back against the couch. “Can y’all shut the fuck up?”

“Absolutely not.” Mateo fired back immediately, leaning forward to read you for filth. “I know you. If it was mid, you would’ve been dragging him for filth. You’d be in this living room doing a full dissertation on why that man is a waste of height.”

Tasha nodded, scrolling with purpose. “But instead you’re holding back.”

Bri suddenly gasped, pointing a finger at you. “Ooh, she likes him.”

That was where you drew the line. The suggestion that you, of all people, would be catching feelings for a footballer, let alone Jude Bellingham sent you straight into defense mode. It wasn’t even about him specifically, but merely the principle of the matter. You didn’t date athletes. Not seriously anyway. NEVER seriously. You learned a long time ago they were all the same: entitled, egotistical, and so used to women throwing themselves at their feet just because they could handle a ball and had a few viral highlight reels. They saw women as accessories, something to show off when it suited them and discard when it didn’t. You weren’t about to be anyone’s little off-season toy passed around in a group chat the second they got bored. That was never going to be you.

But ballers weren’t completely useless though, they had their perks. Stamina? Unmatched. Strength? Ideal. But once the adrenaline wore off and post-orgasm clarity set in, the appeal disappeared right along with it. You entertained a few before just for fun, just to see if they were worth the hype, but they all had one thing in common: they started thinking they were special. Like they had you hooked. Like they were pulling the strings.

It was funny, really. Because if anything? They were always the ones falling first. Every time.

Jude was proving to be no different. The way he sauntered up to you in the club as if he knew where the night was headed, versus the way his ego deflated the minute you left his messages on read for weeks was textbook athlete behavior. And now? He was chasing you.

Mateo tapped the edge of his phone against his palm, watching you with an expression that made it very clear he was about to ask something that would grate your nerves.

“So what’s really going on with you and Jude?” He tilted his head, brows raised in intrigue. “Like.. what is he to you?”

You didn’t even look up from your phone and scrolled as you answered, “A pronoun.”

Mateo’s mouth dropped open, delighted by your messy answer. “Be so fucking for real Y/N” he said, crossing one leg over the other. “If he’s just a pronoun to you then why did you give him your number?”

Tasha didn’t even give you a chance to answer before jumping in. “That’s actually a great fucking question. Because you knew giving him your number meant this...” she gestured to the entire situation, the group chat chaos, the SpillTheBeansUK mess, “so why did you do it?”

You sighed dramatically, tilting your head back against the couch from being exhausted by all of this nonsense. “He asked for it, so I gave it.”

Bri blinked at you. “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Mateo was unconvinced. “And you just gave it to him? No hesitation? No thoughts?”

“I was in a state of post-nut delusion.” You shrugged, sipping from your water bottle to avoid any further questions.

Tasha sucked her teeth. “Mmm.” 

Bri was already side-eyeing you. “Mmhmm.” 

Mateo tapped his phone again, unimpressed. “Lying just like the mattress he put you through, I see.”

You ignored them. There was a very brief moment where you considered not giving him your number. You could’ve just taken your Uber and dipped, pretended like it never happened, and gone back to your normal, Bellingham-free existence. But Jude gave you a cocky, half lidded smirk that made you fold immediately when he asked. You figured your brain was still stuck somewhere between your legs for wanting to hear from him again, which was exactly why you were so annoyed with yourself. Not only was he blowing up your phone, but now you were on SpillTheBeansUK. You scrolled through the endless posts dissecting your one mistake, making you feel more irritated with every new comment. There were threads analyzing your every move, posts tracking Jude’s IG likes, and an entire debate about whether or not you were “Jude’s type.” 

“How do these people have so much free time? Is the unemployment rate that high?” you muttered, aggressively tapping out of Instagram. “I was in the same club as him one time, and suddenly I’m the internet’s main character of the day? I fucking hate it here.”

Bri snickered, nudging Tasha. “Not her being mad when she willingly chose to leave with him.”

You shot the nastiest glare at both of them.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Bri challenged, raising her brow.

She wasn’t wrong. You did willingly leave with him. You hated the attention and the way people were dissecting your life, but you weren’t completely mad at the way Jude was acting. Mainly because he wasn’t just moving on like it never happened and letting you fade into the background. He was still chasing you. And even if you never wanted to admit it.. you liked that.

Your phone pinged in your hand to bring you out of your thoughts, making you glance down at your notifications.

JUDE BELLINGHAM ❌ 🙄 17:43 - Did I do something?? 17:51 - Because I’m struggling to believe I had you screaming my name two weeks ago but now you’re airing me. 18:02 - Hello? 18:27 - Ok I get it. I know you don’t really do this athlete thing. 18:28 - I’m not blocked though 👀 18:42 - Let me take you out?

You rolled your eyes before switching to a different text thread.

SANTI DOMINGUEZ 🏀 🇩🇴 20:42 - Y/Nitaaa que haces esta noche? (what are you doing tonight?) 20:42 - Fiesta en La Finca at mi pana’s house for the night. Big ass infinity pool, drinks, music, todo. Pull up. 20:43 - Bring your friends too. Dime que si. (Tell me yes.)

You smiled, already typing out a response.

20:45 - A party in La Finca? Bet. 20:46 - We’re coming. You better have good drinks!

Santi hearted the message instantly.

20:47 - Siempre, preciosa. Nos vemos. (Always, gorgeous. See you soon.)

You liked Santi. He was one of the few people in Madrid who weren’t constantly on some clout chasing nonsense, which meant you actually enjoyed being around him. And even though he could be a little flirty, it wasn’t serious. 

You were just about to lock your phone when another text rolled in.

JUDE BELLINGHAM ❌ 🙄 20:48 - Your dad is a plastic surgeon??

You frowned, watching as a second message came in.

— [SpillTheBeansUK post]

Oh. He really was chronically online. 

“Ew,” you muttered from the ick of it all before typing out your own response.

20:48 - why the fuck are you sending me STB links like you’re a gossip girl admin? touch grass.

There was no immediate response but you knew he probably read it the second the notification popped up on his phone. He was probably typing, stopping, then typing again, trying to figure out how to keep you engaged without pushing too far. It was funny really, the difference between the two of them. Santi would text once, maybe twice most of the time and you would reply immediately with no hesitation. Meanwhile, Jude would send text after text, throw in tiktoks, voice messages and a Facetime call here and there, which made you want to take your sweet time responding.

You could already feel the looks your friends were giving you, but Mateo was the first to speak.

“So you answer Santiago immediately but Jude has to beg for a response?” He smirked, already piecing together what would likely go down tonight at the party. Tasha hummed in agreement and glanced over your shoulder at your phone. “She doesn’t even respond to us that fast but Santi texts and suddenly her fingers work?”

You locked your phone and flipped it over on the table so they wouldn’t see any other message notifications from Jude or Santi. “It’s not that deep.” 

“It is that deep,” the three of them spoke in unison. 

Tasha pointed at your phone and then crossed her arms. “Explain.”

You stretched your arms over your head, already starting to prepare your exit strategy. “I don’t have to explain anything.”

“Oh, but you do,” Bri countered, shifting to face you. “Because you clearly like the attention from both of them.”

You let out a sharp exhale and grabbed your phone, making your way to your bedroom. “I have to get ready for the party and I suggest y’all do the same if you’re coming.”

You dropped your phone onto the bed and stood in front of your wardrobe, biting your lip while you scanned through your options. La Finca pool parties weren’t the same as your club nights. The vibe was more laid back but the guest list was usually stacked with the most beautiful people you’d ever seen, so naturally you had to one up them and show them how a Miami girl stepped out. Just as you were grabbing a cropped halter top from the hanger, your phone vibrated against your comforter and you snatched it up immediately.

JUDE BELLINGHAM ❌ 🙄 20:58 - Touch grass with me. What’s the move tonight?

You debated telling him about the party, but you decided against it and threw your phone back on the bed with a scoff to finish getting ready. Although he was giving you the ick, something about the way he chased you fed a very specific, very vain part of you and you would be lying if you didn’t admit you weren’t the least bit curious in how far Jude was willing to take it. 

Somewhere outside of your room, you could hear Bri and Tasha moving around, digging through wardrobe drawers and arguing over what top to wear. Mateo’s voice floated down the hall, loudly reminding everyone that if they didn’t hurry up, he was leaving without all of you.

An hour later, the four of you piled into a car with the windows down as the city lights of Madrid blurred past. The further you drove into La Finca, the bigger the homes became. When you finally pulled up to the house, you could hear a mix of reggaeton, afrobeats and spanish trap music playing through the air. The garden surrounding the property was already full of people with drinks in hand as they laughed and swayed to the music. 

You made your way to the pool area, smelling the mixed scent of tangy smoke from hookah and rum. You adjusted your top, feeling the backless cut brush your skin in the breezy, but warm night time air as you walked on the stone pathway. Your matching mini skirt hugged your hips just right and dipped low enough to show the string of your bikini bottoms underneath. Your small entourage followed behind you, already plotting the kind of chaos they could get into tonight.

Mateo adjusted the collar of his shirt, scoping out the scene. “I’m manifesting a man with a villa tonight. Just watch.”

“Manifest being the bartender while you’re at it” Tasha muttered, eyeing the outdoor bar where bottles of Ron Barcelo, Brugal, and Larios gin were already in rotation. Someone had cracked open a case of Estrella Galicia beers, and a group near the pool was passing around cups of Kalimotxo, the unofficial drink of every wild night in Spain.

“Vamonos mamis!” Santi yelled from somewhere near the pool. 

His height alone made him impossible to miss. He was a towering 6’5”, had broad shoulders with a trim waist, perfectly white teeth, dimples, deep sun kissed skin, and a freshly trimmed fade that made you tilt your head slightly to take a better look. He had that natural Dominican aura that made it impossible to tell whether he was flirting or just being nice.

“Oh, you’re outside, outside tonight!” he teased, sliding his arm around your waist for a quick hug. He glanced behind you and smiled at Bri, Tasha and Mateo. “Good to see you all. Drinks are in the kitchen. Hookah’s by the pool.”

“And you’re where?” Bri asked, arching a brow while biting the nail of her finger flirtatiously.

“Everywhere.” Santi winked, then tilted his head back toward the pool. “Come find me if you need anything.” He disappeared back into the crowd before any of you had time to respond, leaving the scent of his cologne lingering between all of you.

“Oooh he’s wearing Rêveur.” Tasha nodded in approval, taking a second glance back to get another look at him. “That man has taste.” 

“But why is he so fineee?” Bri muttered under her breath.

Mateo snickered. “Because God had time when he made Dominican men that’s why.”

You hated gassing men up too much, so you gave them a blank stare, eventually walking away to make your way toward the drinks as Bad Bunny’s “VeLDÁ” played through the sound system. They followed behind and Mateo took on his duty as bartender, rummaging through bottles of Havana Club and Brugal Añejo.

“Shots or mixed drinks?” Mateo asked, double fisting bottles in his hands.

“Mixed” you answered immediately.

“Shots” Bri and Tasha dueted.

“Majority rules, sorry Y/N” Mateo mused as he reached for the shot glasses.

On the other side of the yard, Jude leaned back in an outdoor lounge chair, resting his arms lazily while his drink sat half empty on the table in front of him. He wasn’t drunk, but the warmth of Madrid, the drinks, and the atmosphere had him leaning into the mood.

“That’s her?” Cama tilted his head toward the cluster of people near the pool, smiling with curiosity.

Jude didn’t answer at first and stared at the condensation on his glass before moving his eyes back to you. He clocked you as soon as you stepped on the stone pathway, he couldn’t have missed you even if he tried. The backless halter top with the matching mini skirt, coupled with the sheen of your Dior lip oil catching in the light every time you tilted your head back to laugh, had his head spinning. Even from a distance, he could see the faint tan lines peeking from under the straps of your bikini strings underneath your outfit.

“Damn..” Kylian whistled beside him, leaning forward to take a closer look at Bri and Tasha. “Who are the girls next to her though?”

Jude glanced sideways, trying to suppress a smirk. “Focus mate.”

“I am focused,” Kylian replied with a laugh, still scanning the scene.

Cama chuckled and nudged Jude’s arm. “She looks good, bro. You bringing her home tonight or what?”

Jude tilted his head, taking another slow sip of his drink. “We’ll see. She likes to play hard to get.”

“Does she know you’re here?” Kylian asked as if he cared, when he was actually plotting on Bri and Tasha.

“Nah.”

The truth sat heavy on his chest. He hadn’t expected to run into you tonight, but then again, Madrid was a small world when it came to hanging around certain circles. It was bound to happen eventually. But seeing you laughing with your friends did something to him that he wasn’t ready to unpack.

“You should go over there” Cama suggested, nudging Jude’s arm. 

“Not yet.” Jude replied, following the curve of your bare shoulders as you tipped your head back to down a shot with your friends. The twist of your face from the burn of the alcohol, along with the parting of your lips made it too easy to remember the way those same lips felt against him just two weeks ago.

—

The shot you had just taken settled warmly in your stomach while the bass from the music grew heavier. The music was loud, the air filled with scents of alcohol, sweat, and smoke but none of it could shake the buzz in your head from spotting Jude in the party crowd.

Of all the parties in Madrid, he had to be at this one.

You clutched your glass tighter, trying to resist the urge to look back at the lounge chairs near the pool. Bri crossed her arms and smirked, darting her eyes between you and Jude. “So you’re just gonna ignore him all night?”

“Ignore who?” you replied flatly, knowing damn well who she was talking about.

“Oh girl. Pack it up.” Tasha chimed in from your other side while swaying to the beat of the music. “You know exactly who.”

“No. I don’t.” you muttered, wiping off the condensation wetness from your fingertips.

“Then why are you gripping the glass like that?” Bri teased, bumping your hip with hers.

You ignored her and instead scanned the crowd for any sign of Santi. You spotted him leaning against a pillar with a bottle of beer in hand, laughing at something one of his teammates said. His crisp white shirt clung to his torso, making you gawk just a little. When he caught your gaze, he lifted his beer and gave you a blinding smile.

Tasha clocked it immediately and raised her eyebrows. “Well.. looks like you have options tonight. Bellingham or Dominguez?”

You sighed heavily, ignoring her again and headed to the pool to dip your feet in. The infinity pool stretched out in front of you as you swung your legs back and forth in the water. You should’ve felt relaxed, or maybe even carefree and tipsy, but instead you were on edge.

On the other side of things, now that you were closer, Jude watched you from the rim of his glass as he took long, slow sips. Kylian and Cama were talking next to him but their words turned into background noise while he observed the way you leaned back with your hands pressed against the pool deck stone.

“She’s going to notice you staring eventually” Kylian leaned in, sensing Jude still had you on his mind.

Jude tilted his head back to finish his drink. The thought of you being so close yet so far away made the alcohol sit heavier in his stomach. You hadn’t really been giving him much of a thought since you hooked up and that bothered him. It made him want you even more. He internally debated with himself, wondering if he should just leave you alone or speak up now that he had an opening that you absolutely couldn’t leave on read. Just as he was about to stand, Cama clapped him on the shoulder with a wide grin. “Go talk to her bro. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“She could throw her drink in his face..” Kylian added helpfully.

Jude snorted. “Nah. I don’t think she’s like that.”

He really didn’t know you as well as he thought he did, you were definitely ‘like that’ if the need arose. 

Jude stood up with enough adrenaline and liquid courage to walk the short path to the pool’s edge where you sat. You felt his towering presence immediately as he stood with his hands tucked into his pockets, glancing toward you swishing your feet in the water.

“You ignoring my texts now?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, surprised that he had the gall to start the conversation off that way. “You’re not serious.”

A gleam of moonlight caught on his lips when he shifted closer to you with a lazy smirk plastered over his face. “I get it. You’re a busy girl. But you could’ve at least told me you would be here tonight.”

“For what? Why would I tell you?” you countered, looking up at him in annoyance. “I don’t even know you like that.” The nerve of this boy to think he deserved to know any of your moves when he wasn’t your man, or anything remotely close to it.

“You know me well enough to let me fuck..”

Your head snapped up so fast you nearly gave yourself whiplash. “Excuse me?”

Jude tilted his head, still with a dumb smirk on his face that made you want to slap it clean off his face. His hands were still tucked in his pockets casually, like he wasn’t standing there stirring the most out of you.

“I’m just saying..” he lazily shrugged, as if that would smooth over the conversation.

“Oh, ‘you’re just saying’ ” you mocked, standing up to meet his eye, though you still ended up having to look up because he was so tall. The edge of your skirt brushed against his thigh and you were close enough to see the sheen of sweat on his thick hairline from the warm night air. Up close, Jude was hard to ignore. He got under your skin in the right way to make you give him your full attention.

Just the way he liked it.

“And this is coming from the same man blowing up my phone like I owe him something.”

Jude chuckled under his breath, his eyes moving briefly to your outfit before locking back onto your eyes. “I wouldn’t have to blow your phone up if you just responded the first time, angel.”

Angel.

That word hit you straight in your core. It was impossible not to hear his voice from that night echoing in your head.

“That’s it, angel. Keep fucking me back.”

You took a deep inhale through your nose, clenching your fists on your sides as heat flared through your chest from frustration and other things you weren’t ready to name.

“Don’t call me that” you snapped, but the hitch in your breath told a different story. A story that said you liked it, and Jude noticed. His eyes lowered to your lips briefly, and the corners of his mouth twitched upward like he knew exactly where your mind went. 

“Ohhh, so you do remember” he mused, clearly enjoying himself.

“Jude, I swear-” You shoved his shoulder but he barely moved in the slightest bit. He stood his ground, leaning into your ear to speak low enough so only you could hear. “Don’t start. Unless you’re trying to start something you know I can finish for you.”

“You’re so fucking full of yourself, you know that?”

The warmth from the alcohol running through your veins made your voice louder than you intended, making you become acutely aware of the heads starting to turn your way. In between your conversation with Jude, Tasha and Bri made their way over to sit with Kylian and Cama near the lounge chairs. Bri was sitting on Kylian’s lap with her arms draped over his neck like they knew each other way longer than what had to have been no longer than 15 minutes. All four of them were watching the scene unfold with varying degrees of amusement.

“Okay, fuck this” you muttered under your breath, feeling the embarrassment creep in. Eyes on you and whispers spreading throughout the crowd was the exact type of thing you wanted to avoid. Your mind flashed to the SpillTheBeans post and the comments dissecting your entire life, snapping you right back to the cruel reality of being a newly added ‘Bellingham Baddie’, as your friends called it.

“This is exactly why I don’t fucking date athletes” you jabbed a finger at Jude’s chest for emphasis.

“Who said anything about dating?”

You laughed in disbelief and threw your hands up. The tipsiness loosened your filter in all the wrong ways. “You know what? I’m so sick of-”

“Todo bien?” (Everything okay?)

The sound of Santi’s voice made you freeze mid sentence. You turned around just enough to see him approaching with an unbothered walk, beer still in hand like he wasn’t about to walk straight into chaos. His eyes moved between you and Jude, reading the situation.

“We’re good.” you answered, holding up your hand toward Santi as if that would somehow deescalate whatever was about to go down.

“Didn’t look like it,” Santi eyed Jude in a way that was more curious than confrontational, but Jude wasn’t having it, being the crashout that he was.

“You her bodyguard or something?” Jude shot, tilting his chin as he stepped fully into Santi’s space. Santi’s smile didn’t budge but his posture shifted subtly enough to raise the tension up a couple notches. “Nah. I’m just looking out for a friend” he replied coolly, not breaking eye contact.

“Yeah? Well, she doesn’t need you to–”

“BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!” you yelled loud enough to cut through the music and all the other conversations happening around the pool. Heads turned with the rise of your voice and half of the party had their eyes locked on the three of you, but you were too far gone, and too far drunk to care.

“I am so tired of you men acting like I’m some prize you get to win!” You jabbed a finger between both of them in frustration. “I don’t fucking belong to either of you! And you..” You turned to Jude with fire in your eyes. “Stop acting like I owe you something just because I let you fuck me ONE time!”

Jude’s mouth opened, but no sound came out.

“And you..” You whipped back to Santi, who at least had the decency to look slightly guilty. “Don’t walk up here like you’re about to save me! I don’t fucking need saving!”

The silence was deafening after the read you gave them, broken only by the distant sound of water pushing against the pool edge and gossiping chatter from the crowd.

Finally, Jude ran a hand over his curls, exhaling hard through his nose. “You done?”

“Yes, I’m done! I’m never fucking you again so get it out of your thick skulled head!” you snapped and stormed off toward the house without looking back. 

Back at the lounge chairs, Kylian and Cama exchanged looks while Bri and Tasha creased in laughter.

“I don’t know whether to be scared or impressed..” Kylian shook his head in amusement.

“Definitely impressed,” Cama replied with a grin.

You stormed off down the path leading toward the house, weaving through random groups of partiers who definitely caught at least half of the argument. The adrenaline and frustration swirling around in your head had you on ten.

“Who the fuck does he think he is?” you spoke to yourself, enraged. “I fucking hate ballers. Worms for brains ass motherfuckers.”

The nerve and audacity of that man to approach you like he was owed something more than the one night you already gave him pissed you off. Your chest was filled with a fury of emotions you really didn’t want to unpack, especially not in the middle of a party where half of the crowd had probably pulled out their phones to message their group chats about what they just witnessed. As soon as you reached the back door of the house, Mateo appeared beside you out of nowhere, moving swiftly to match your quick pace.

“Girl.. what was all of that?” he asked, eyes wide with equal parts concern and curiosity.

“Nothing.” you muttered with clenched teeth, but Mateo wasn’t having it.

“Nothing? That was prime telenovela content and I need details immediately. Why did-”

“I’m never fucking Jude again,” you snapped, cutting him off before he had a chance to launch his full analysis. It sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. Mateo knew Jude having you this bothered by his presence meant you’d be rethinking that exact statement in approximately three to five business days. He’d seen it all before, so instead of pushing any further, he took one sip of his drink and gave a knowing look between you, Santiago, and Jude.

“Mmm… never say never.”

[simons-purplehoodie]

Morning Sun & Morning Kisses

A little ficlet inspired by this photo from omar’s after movie. It reminded me of how it would be for Wille to wake up and see Simon doing his makeup in the mornings. Enjoy!

He simply can’t take his eyes off of Simon. The sun is hitting his boyfriend’s back just right as he sits by the window, back to Wille, applying his makeup by tapping his face gently. If the sight of his shirtless boyfriend surrounded by the morning glow of the sun wasn’t enough, Simon’s also humming quietly to himself, his melodic voice softly filling the room with warmth.

Wille slides the sheets down slightly so that he can reach for his phone on the nightstand. He rolls back over and presses record, filming his boyfriend in this soft element, thoughts about how lucky he is to have this playing over and over again in his mind.

Everything about Simon in the mornings is nothing short of angelic. He’s told Simon as much countless times, which always elicits a shy burst of laughter from his boyfriend who then promptly swats at him for saying such things. Eventually the playful hands being thrown against him from Simon turn into grabbing onto Wille, and the two of them kiss softly until one of their stomachs growls so loudly they simply have to get up for breakfast.

This time he doesn’t say anything, just watches his beautiful boyfriend, his Simon, get ready for the day, recording the moment on his phone to watch another time when he needs a sense of calm.

All of a sudden Simon turns around, and his eyes widen when he catches sight of Wille’s phone.

“What are you doing?” Simon asks, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Nothing. Just capturing how beautiful you are,” he answers honestly.

“Shut up,” he watched as Simon says the words and promptly blushes. He turns away hiding, his beautiful smile that’s started spreading across his face, a smile that rivals the brightness of the sun illuminating Simon’s silhouette.

Wille continues watching and recording until Simon turns around again a few moments later.

“Oh my god, I thought it was a picture. Are you recording?” Simon laughs, throwing down the makeup brush onto the windowsill.

“Maybe. It’s not my fault you’re so stunning, I—“

His words are cut off by Simon diving on top of him, grabbing the phone from Wille’s hand and tossing it off the bed, all while bright giggles come out of his mouth.

He can’t help but burst out laughing too as he’s faced with Simon’s pout, and Simon’s very beautiful— and shirtless— form straddling him on top of the sheets.

“You’re ridiculous,” his boyfriend rolls his eyes.

“And you love it,” Wille shrugs smugly, holding the expression only for a second before he breaks out into a grin. How could he not? He has the most beautiful person in the world on top of him.

“Fine,” Simon sighs dramatically. “I suppose I really do.”

Wille reaches up and pulls his boyfriend downward which makes Simon collapse onto him with an “oof” noise. They barely have time to laugh before he’s leaning up and Simon’s leaning down, the two of them meeting in the middle to press their lips together. It’s warm, calm, safe, and oh-so- perfect, just like always.

When they finally are forced to part for air he opens his eyes, looking at Simon’s face just a breath away from his own. He notices the glittery eyeshadow Simon’s decided to apply today and he smiles.

“Your makeup looks beautiful baby,” he comments. “You look beautiful.”

The glowing smile and pretty blush that settles over his boyfriend’s face are enough to make him feel warm all over.

“You always look beautiful,” Simon murmurs, leaning down to kiss him again.

“I love you,” he says against Simon’s lips.

“I love you too, always.”

[theoneandonlycoralinejones]

Louis TWDG x reader - Opposites Attract

Warnings: None :)

(This takes place in a world where Marlon hasn’t died yet and the raiders aren’t a threat yet.)

     You had been staying at the Ericson Boarding School for troubled youth with the rest of everyone for a while now. You came with your friends, Clementine and AJ.

     The three of you were found by Marlon, after you had gotten into a car crash together.

     Since then, It's been a couple of months, and you've made quite a few friends here! You and Violet typically had late night talks, you helped Marlon out by hunting for food and scavenging; and generally you got along well with everyone. 

     Everyone; except for one person. That person being Louis. 

    He had a very laid back personality, one that you had a hard time getting along with. You felt all his flirting and teasing was gonna end him up with a huge zombie chomp. But, you still got along with him decently, he wasn’t your enemy, per se, just sort of opposites from you. 

     It was nighttime, and everyone was outside when Louis called for one of his infamous card games. This time, though, it wasn’t war. It had a slight twist,

"Let's play truth or dare, the highest card gets to truth or dare the lowest card!"

     We all pull cards, and you look around and then at mine. You got the lowest card.

     And who would’ve guessed, the person with the highest card was good ol’ Louis. 

“Truth or dare?” He says with a shit-eating grin.

“Uhhm, truth.” You sigh. 

He crosses his arms and thinks, “Hmm, out of everyone here, who would you want to be the last person on Earth with?” 

“Huh,” You look over to Clem, “Probably Clem, she’s got my back.” you smile, 

     He seems a little bit dissatisfied with your answer, hoping for something a little more out of character from you, but the game carries on and everyone picks a card again. The next couple turns are pretty normal and fun, nothing too crazy. It takes a while for the lowest card to be yours again. This time the highest card was Violet. 

“Truth or dare?” She says tilting her head. 

“Uhh, truth.”

“Again? Someone’s playing it safe,” Louis chimes in teasingly. 

     Violet rolls her eyes with a smile, “Shut up, Louis. ..anyways,” She hunches over on the picnic table and looks up as she thinks for a moment. 

“Hmm, you know, speaking of Louis, why do you talk about him so much?” She smirks sneakily. 

     A subtle ‘Oooooo’ can be heard by everyone else at the table. All of their eyes went on you, who was now wide eyed and slightly sweaty. 

“Whaaaaaat? I don’t! W- what’re you talking about?” You deny.

Violet shakes her head, her smile remaining. Her whole demeanor is nonchalant and sort of sleepy as she’s talking, “Well if I recall, you talk; a lot. And about half of it is about Sir Louis over here.” 

     You just sit there for a moment with a dumbfounded look on your face while at a loss for words. The truth is, you did talk about Louis, not in a positive light though. It was more complaining about how annoying he was than anything, but she was right, you did talk about him a lot. And even you couldn’t explain why.

“Uhh, I think I choose dare instead.” 

    Everyone around the table laughed at this, and you somehow played off the question and evaded further questions about it. The game went on for just a few more rounds, you got the top card and ended up daring Omar to do a handstand, which he gracefully failed at, and then eventually the long night came to a close. 

   We cleaned up the courtyard, turned out the lights, and then everyone headed off to their dorm rooms. Except for one person, who followed behind you to yours. Louis. 

“Hey, hey (Y/N),” He walked up behind you before you could walk inside your room.

You turn back to him, groaning slightly, “What is it, Louis? I’m really tired.”

“I know, I know, It’ll just be a minute.” 

“Sooo… why do you talk about me so much huh?” He teases with a smirk. 

You sigh and cross your arms, “Louis… I promise you it isn’t as deep as you think it is,”

“Or isss it?” He hums in a sing-song voice.

You sigh, “I dunno. You heard Violet, I talk a lot, I love to ramble to her, I don’t even remember what I say.” I shrug. 

“Are you sure it’s not cuz you… LIKE me?” He tilts his head forwards and looks at you with a cheesy smirk on his face. His hands placed in his jacket pockets. 

   You pause for a second, a slight tint of red on your face, but you immediately purge the thought and regain your composure. You smirk back, crossing your arms and tilting your head up.

“In your dreams, mister.” 

He shrugs, “Welp..” 

“I do hope to see you in them tonight,” He smiles as he casually walks away, wishing you goodnight.

    You shake your head as you watch him walk away,

    He really is something else. 

/ / / / / /

I post my writings on wattpad but nobody seems to be seeing them there so I'm posting them here as well <3 if you have requests put them in my ask box, I think it's set up, I just made this new account so i'll have to check lol, thx for reading !

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E4

I've never been that slow with a Young Royals rewatch >< It's hard for me to get through this season (especially now that I'm in the last 3 episodes...)

And here we go, starting directly with a very sad Simon 😞 Omar plays a crying Simon way too well, it breaks my heart every damn time...

I like hearing Wilhelm call Simon his boyfriend 🥰 Also is it me, or do we have a lot more close up shots in season 3? (No clue if that's what it's called, I mean shots that are very zoomed in on their faces like this one.)

Vincent drawing a dick on the ground, of course... And I don't get his explanation: "why even try if there's no reward for the effort?". It means if the school closes, they all won't graduate and have to do their grade all over again? Surely if they're taking tests and all, it counts for something? Why fail an important test and take the risk to fail your year? 🤔 (Not gonna lie, most of Vincent's reactions to what's happening to the school this season left me quite perplexed ^^') And if it's just the graduation ceremony that is cancelled, it still doesn't mean they're not graduating, does it? 🤔

But can you really Simon?

And Wilhelm repeating his mother's words "it's a privilege, not a punishment" breaks my heart >< (Also I'm gonna be a little shit about it but even the Royals have a choice in the end about accepting or not their role and job: after all, Wille is gonna renounce it in 2 episodes :p)

I do like what he said about the role of the royal family in Sweden! We have very little information on that in the show so I appreciate it here. And he looks so pretty in this light!

Wilhelm sounded so surprised that Farima said yes immediately when he told her they needed to help Simon. He was expecting to have to fight them on that.

Why did he have to delete his whole account? Why not just put it on private? (I know I've read in several fanfics the idea that searching and deleting through all the new people who followed him before going on private would be too much of a hassle but I feel like it's a stretch, and an acceptable price to pay to keep his account?)

Their conversation about Wilhelm's choice of foundation makes me so so sad! I had hoped that he would see Simon's point of view on how he can use his role as Crown Prince to try and make things better! I was actually pretty surprised that he was 100% not interested. It's a new facet of Wilhelm's personality that we hadn't really seen before I guess? And it feels like it creates a serious gap between them, it shows that they're not on the same page at all about a pretty serious subject (which is not good for the future of their relationship...)

This shot of these 3 made me laugh :p

This one hurts... Another crack in their relationship 😩 Simon is realizing how different they are. He knew they were but this season is showing us a side of Wilhelm that just seems incompatible with Simon :/ It's not just differences in tastes or personality, now it's differences in their core values also. And that is a huge problem.

So we learn that Simon mostly avoided Micke for Sara's sake. Or maybe he's exaggerating that fact because he's really angry at her.

The sit-in scene is very funny, they're all so dramatic, thinking they might starve to death xD I didn't think that August's eating disorder would be confirmed this way! Also I guess Vincent does have ADHD then? It was not just an excuse to get pills.

"Because we are different?" Yeah... that's what this episode is really about, how different you both are. Which wouldn't be an issue for me if it was less about such important matters :/ I wish we had seen them learn more from each other this season, instead of being in conflict to much.

I agree with Felice that it's getting out of hand! (I still enjoy the whole thing though 😁). I don't dislike Stella as much as a lot of people seem to, but I don't like her in this scene and how she talks to Felice!

Cutest scene of the episode.

I adore this scene. It makes me want to cry. I love them both and I'm so happy that they're slowly finding their way back to each other <3

"Erik was there." This sceeeeene!! Such a punch in the face, so fucking terrible >< (So well acted also!!)

Another trauma for my poor boy...

So lots of mixed feelings with this episode! I'm very frustrated with Wilhelm and his reactions, but I love the Sara arc. I really like the end of the episode, with some very good scenes. But now I really don't wanna go watch the next one ><

[ericsonclan]

do you have any personal headcannons for what some of the ericson kids home lifes were like?

Louis: He had a very privileged upbringing but also grew up in a very controlling household. Image is everything. Everything that he did was watched and critiqued by his dad and if he wan't good enough he didn't receive love and affirmation. His mom didn't agree with his dad's way of parenting but she didn't speak up for Louis. Louis' lack of self confidence and self love were caused by his upbringing.

Violet: She had a horrible upbringing. She had some people that were safe to her like her grandparents and her mom as well when she wasn't completely burnt out. But her dad was an abusive drunk who made her childhood hell. She had pockets of time where it was safe like being at her grandparents but the rest of the time she was in an intense abusive setting that she felt like she would never escape. Her defenses and the walls she puts up around people are an outcome of her life growing up.

Sophie, Minnie and Tenn: They had a really good home life. Their parents were really nice and loving but they died and for years the three of them were tossed around in the foster system. No one wanted to adopted three kids and as a result they ended up at Ericson because the system didn't know what to do with them.

Omar: He had very strict, hardworking parents so his home life had very much the same mindset. His parents loved him but didn't necessary like him. They blamed their inability to connect to be something wrong with him. Those "problems" being his quietness and lack of showing strong emotions. Thus they sent him to Ericson.

Aasim: He lived in a household that held him to very high expectations. He went above and beyond in reaching those but he could not hold back his love of fire. He ended up setting something on fire in the neighborhood and greatly pissed off the neighbors who threatened to sue unless his parents sent him somewhere.

Ruby: She had a very loving and accepting household. Her mom passed away when she was young which left her with her dad and her many brothers. Most of the time everything was great but once her anger issues started showing up then problems started happening. She punched a kid so hard they pissed themself all over the playground and so Ruby was sent to Ericson to learn how to be a proper lady.

Brody: She had the most normal, boring upbrining. She lived in a very plain household. Her parents had a kid because "that's what couples do" and so there was always a disconnect between her and her parents. Her anxiety was something very alien to them and they couldn't relate. When her anxiety kept getting worse they kept getting more frustrated and decided to send her to a school to "fix" it.

Mitch: He grew up in a low income household. His mom passed away when he was young and so his dad tried his best to raise him but it was a struggle. His dad had his hands full with just trying to get bread on the table so when Mitch started picking fights over neighborhood kids teasing him about his face and when he blew something up his dad didn't know what else to do but send him away.

Willy: He grew up with a more conservative family. So when he started touching himself they thought he was possessed by the devil. Prayers and church weren't working and they found a brochure for Ericson so they sent him there, partly to try and help him and partly to get rid of him because they were creeped out by him.

Marlon: A very all American household, white picket fence, working class but getting by, very patriotic. His dad voted for Trump. His mom didn't vote because that's not a woman's place. It was a miracle he turned out pretty okay. He had bad anxiety around things surrounding school like tests and sports. So one day he decided to steal a car to blow off some steam. He got caught with that stolen car that he took for a joyride. So to Ericson he went!

[transvestismus]

@theloopus tagged me to share my top 9 new-to-me movies I saw on 2024!!! Truth be told, I didn't really watch that many movies this year (only 36), but many of these were honestly life-changing to me. (Also, seeing all these lined up, I'm surprised at how many are historical fiction!)

To talk a little bit about my top 3:

Lawrence of Arabia (1961): where do I begin? It was on my list for years because I'd read on Tumblr it was highly homoerotic and it had Omar Sharif in it, but I never got around to watching it until one random Saturday on the week I had a legal translation midterm. The watch time was pretty intimidating, but I found myself fully engrossed in the film from its very start to the very end. Everything about this film is brilliantly executed, no one minute is wasted! But truly what blew my mind away the most aside from the excellent editing, directing and acting was the script. It's such a rich construction of Lawrence, both the man and the legend. The film is very self aware, and, in my opinion, does a pretty good job of interrogating the figure of a man who was central for the narrative of British colonialism and its expansion throughout the Middle East at the beginning of the 20th century. This film is a deconstruction of the myth. We see the hero be born and then become corrupted by the violence of colonialism, both British and Turkish. We see the queer man ostracized by the British army and later accepted by the Arab society, through the figure of Ali. We learn that he's no God, and certainly no better than any of the other British men who served in the army alongside him. We see the legend be born through the power of the press, elusive and full of contradictions. All in all, it's a very solid film, but it's not without its faults. While it was very important for Lean to criticize British colonialism in the film, and he does, the film does still feature white actors in brown face, and the ending does seem to imply the Arab society is too bloodthirsty to truly beat the influence of the white man away from its lands.

Eva Perón (1996): Yet another look into a somewhat mythical figure, this time for Argentina. I had to watch this for my History class, actually. This film came out in 1996 in an attempt to eclipse the USamerican musical Evita from the same year. It follows the role of Eva Perón in politics, her impact on Argentinian society and the way she struggled with cancer during her last days. Like LoA, it depicts a well-rounded portrait of a mystified figure in Argentinian culture and history, showing us the actress, the woman, the child, and the legend throughout her life, as well as how the peronist philosophy and movement fought against the Argentinian oligarchy through maneuvers from both ends of the political spectrum. Victor Laplace is great as Perón, but Esther Goris is simply breathtaking as Evita. We see her confronting Perón at times and trying to stand both beside him and also as her own woman, with her own desires and ambitions, which are obviously cut short suddenly by her becoming ill. Her performance really enhances the script and brings Eva Perón to life beautifully.

Crash (1996): I went into this film knowing only that John Waters enjoyed it and that it was heavily pornographic, but I was familiar with Cronenberg enough to know I'd have a good time, and I did! What struck me the most was the fetishization of wounds and surgical procedures (and cars!). As someone who is physically disabled and who has both been under the knife and stuffed chock-full with all sort of screws and nails and shit, and who has plenty of scars all over as a result, seeing all of that sexualised and eroticised really made me feel something I'd never experienced before and it's something I really treasure.

Anyway, I'm tagging @girlcockholmes, @televisionenjoyer, @prontaentrega @capytomamate, @messigoku, @sudaca-swag, @evilbubblewrap and anyone else who might wanna do it! Happy new year guys, I love you!! 💖

[storiesfromgaza]

The words of my friend and colleague Feda'a about the shocking news of her 8 year old daughter Habiba:

"Here is Habiba, 8 years old from Gaza City.

A beautiful girl with pretty red hair and the most beautiful face in the world.

Habiba is in third class and is the smartest girl among her peers, she can solve a mathematical equation in just seconds and never makes a mistake in any of her exams in her 3 years of education. She always gets the highest marks in her class. Her teacher said she is one of the most beautiful and intelligent girls she has ever met.

She is polite and quiet and earned a lot from her name, which means "the beloved", no one can see her without loving her.

Her love for her mother, her father and her only brother Omar is boundless, she is the "hug giver", she must hug you to express her love and she is a very, very, very kind girl.

I saw her many times, when some child assaulted her, she would reply: "This is not nice, don't use naughty words and she will never respond in a greedy way".

She loves babies to the moon and back, she carries them, hugs them and sings to them.

Habiba's dream was to be a doctor and I was preparing her to join the Palestinian children's council.

In the COVID-19 emergency situation, she participated with me in many zoom meetings with international partners from all over the world, she heard a lot about human rights, children's rights and international laws. She loved it and was very interested in doing it. like me and let the whole world know about the children in Gaza.

Her dream was to speak very good English and to inform people about the news and the situation in Gaza.

The war started, Habiba is a very sensitive child, her little body was shaking all the time from the sounds of shelling and rockets.

On the seventh day, Habiba, unlike the previous days of the war, was calm and said she was hearing a sound that said "don't be afraid" and asked me if I had heard it, I was surprised but I didn't take any action.

Then she picked up her colours and brushes, for the first time she brushed her hair with the colouring brushes and said I am an "artist".

She draws the TV telling the news of the war and the Palestinian flag.

An hour later, Habiba was killed in a brutal attack on her home, through no fault of her own, she was carrying a colouring brush and not a gun, she is a girl with many dreams.

They killed her dreams and deprived me of enjoying the light of my beautiful child "habiba".

I worked for more than 7 years in PCHR (Palestinian Center for Human Rights), one of the most prominent human rights organisations in the country, I worked with international partners who called for and believed in human rights, and today I call them to stop everything. No mother would need to go through such suffering.

Source

[mayapapaya33]

Just finished Downfall, watched the 4 sided dive, and I'm now 5 seconds into episode 102. Aaaaaaaahhh! So many thoughts my brain is going to explode. All I'll say here is Ludinus starting off the conversation by saying he's showing everyone the Gods' true face is so fucking manipulative hahaha. Matt is so talented at portraying people who manipulate with the truth. He and Brennan share that in common, and it's fantastic. Telling convenient bits of truth at strategic moments to emotionally vulnerable people. Chills.

I like to think I'm a pretty great person, obviously I have flaws, but I do my best. If you showed someone a film of me on my worst day with zero context I'd probably come off as a huge asshole, just saying.

Also Omar is the most placid dog I've ever seen lmfao, like I know Sam would never drug him just for a bit, but also wow, his natural personality reads as very very stoned.

I need Wildmother/Lawbearer fanfiction stat. And Champion Purvan Suul raising his deity as his daughter/charge. Laura said he was basically her second dad and I need it so badly. The scarred landscape, Purvan showing up to this couple's doorway to tell them their new baby is actually a Goddess, whom he is the champion of. Ugh, amazing. I need the book immediately.

[maisha133]

Huda-Character Analysis; dealing with family abuse and neglect

I'll admit when I first read This Woven Kingdom, it was easy to overlook Miss Huda--considering that fact I found her character to be too overwhelming and childish. Literally everyone else around her—Kamran, Cyrus, Alizeh, and Hazan are all risking their lives for the throne and/or dealing with torture from the Iblees--and yet she seems to be obsessed with dresses and concerned with much frivolous matters.

However after reading All This Twisted Glory, my impression of her has changed from thinking of her as this shallow, air headed girl to one that is secretly suffering with depression and loneliness that is evidently shown through her mannerisms.

To really get a good picture and understanding of Huda, we have to go back to This Woven Kingdom when she first commissioned Alizeh to make a gown she can wear to the ball. At first, I simply had thought she just wanted to wear a pretty gown and marry the prince (Kamran). The question however, is why did she want to meet him so badly?

Here we have discovered two things about Huda. The first matter is that she is an illegitimate child of a prostitute. Seeing that her father is an ambassador, this certainly was huge societal scandal that already placed a dent on Huda's reputation of being a bastard child. On top of that, we have come to know that Huda's step mother hates her greatly. Her step mother did not even plan for her to go to the ball in the first place! She had commissioned Alizeh in secret to make the ballgown. Her mother's resentment of Huda being a bastard child runs so far deep that Huda was not even sure if her mother would truly kill her had she found it about going to the ball behind her back. But is the idea of Huda's mother literally murdering her and cutting off her limbs so farfetched when Huda mentioned that she and her half sisters would put rat entrails multiple times in her pillowcases?

When Huda admits to Alizeh why she wanted to meet Kamran-it's very much clear: she wanted to escape the hell from living with her family and she genuinely wanted to be with someone kind and empathetic--and unfortunately Kamran to her disappointment, did not live up to her expectations (more to be discussed about their dynamic >.<). Huda wasn't just looking for a life of splendor, she simply was looking for a life of happiness-one where she can experience love and compassion from others. Even when she first told Alizeh of her true lineage she was scared that Alizeh would judge her harshly--despite the fact she was just a "snooda" at that time of this revelation. If anything, Huda's desperation stems from wanting to experience true freedom and wanting to be loved for who she is.

Furthermore, it is interesting to note that Huda is really not the best communicator-she has a hard time reading the room, often talks too fast, speaks in tangents and most notably always appears anxious and nervous. Kamran also notes her nervousness when she speaks with Sarra.

It seems that Huda had been frequently physically abused and berated by her mother to the point she always appears anxious/distraught when she is confronted/asked a question. Her nervousness and fidgety movements may have to do with the fact that she had to walk on constant eggshells around her mother/sisters not to get hit or beaten. Huda has been berated to the point to where she struggles to find self worth within herself which in turn affects her communication. For many outsiders her poor communication style may come across as daft or airheaded when in reality she is struggling with anxiety.

I think the reason why Huda came along with the others to retrieve Alizeh from Cyrus wasn't just rescuing her friend, but to also have a journey on her own and for her to escape her own living hell . As evidenced by Alizeh's POV:

Her friendships with Alizeh, Deen, and Omar are so special to her and I feel that she genuinely feels loved.

I love that despite Huda facing such neglect in her life, she is so humble and kind. I love how she immediately provides Alizeh with comfort once she wakes up from her coma and plays a role as a care taker to Omar-making sure he is fed properly and looking out for him since he is a child.

I hope as this story progresses, Huda too finds her happy ending with that special someone who can truly appreciate her for who she is. I also hope that she can gain confidence and grow into a mature young woman while also keeping that cute bubbly side of hers.

I love how we see some of Huda's confidence in All This Twisted Glory where she is 100% unapologetically calling Kamran out for his hypocrisy. I love seeing her fiery and protective side for Alizeh's well being which is such a stark contrast from her being embarrassed/ashamed most of the time. I do hope somewhere down the line she is able to change Kamran's entitlement/stereotypical arrogant noble behavior and be the one to teach him humility. Likewise, I hope Kamran also sees Huda as her own person and that she shows everyone--especially to him that she not shallow or idiotic.

There is so much to be expected TWK #4, I hope that the book delivers *fingers crossed*

[jeannereames]

Actor for Alexander

I've been asked a bunch of times which actor I think could play Alexander. Mostly, I've had to say, "Nobody." And, "Cast a complete unknown."

I still, honestly, think that would be the way to go.

Pulling off Alexander takes not just Peter O'Toole levels of talent but Peter O'Toole levels of charisma. And unconscious arrogance. (He played Lawrence or Arabia in a very Alexander-ish way, below with Omar Sharif.)

That's the problem. Colin Farrell was, imo, not right for the part. He's a good actor in "small screen" intense sorts of roles. Liked him in Phone Booth. LOVED him in Ondine. I did not like him as Alexander.

Buck Braithwaite is, I think, better, although I have issues with some of how they directed him. Still think William Shatner beat them both in sheer presentation.

Of people NOT cast as Alexander, Michael Hurst (who played Iolaus in the old '90s TV show Hercules) would have been a dream cast for me. Even in the '90s show, he was too old, but man, he's an amazing actor and looked right for the part. Stick that man in a Macedonian cuirass pronto!

Jon Bon Jovi in his youthful days could totally have played him. Blond hair AND he's (relatively) short. Total command of the stage.

It's not an accident I picked a rock star.

I believe I've finally found a (current) "name" actor I would not hate in the role (again, depending on how he was directed).

It took seeing him in Elvis, and also in Dune II, but yes, Austin Butler could, imo, play Alexander. He's blond and blue eyed, and he has a long face (which Alexander had). He's really too pretty, and definitely too tall. At 32, he's also too old (especially for younger ATG), although the baby face helps. But he's got the charisma in front of a crowd that many actors (even good actors) don't have. I think he has the emotional range to be both terribly charming and frighteningly fierce.

So if you had to cast a name actor, Austin Butler could pull off ATG, imo.

But ANY name actor is going to have the same issue ... baggage from prior roles. in that respect, Buck Braithwaite was not a bad choice. He did have film experience, but I'd never heard of the guy before. (He was still too old.)

If Austin Butler were cast as Alexander, could audiences NOT see him as Elvis-Alexander or Harkonen-Alexander? Dubious.

So yeah, I STILL think that finding a talented, YOUNG, hungry, super-charismatic unknown would be the way to go. Alexander should be a young actor between 22-24, imo. They can age him up easily. Harder to age him down, but still possible. Colin Farrell was just 26 at filming, and he still looked too old, imo.

Alexander was a BABY when he crossed to Asia, just 22. He needs to look it, for the full impact of what he did to really knock your socks off.

[poachersinyourhome]

i stood up about an hour and a half while waiting for tmv this friday at the music festival and i overheard a few conversations from tmv fans, here are some of the most remarkable ones:

1. a guy spreading massive misinformation abt tmv/cedmar to a very impressed young girl: this guy rlly wanted to impress this pretty lady and started saying incorrect data reagrding the voltaic marsics, such as deloused being created after omar and cedric discovered they could talk telepathically (who tf told u that) , flea being forced to play in it, tmv BEGGING rick rubin to play in it and him being reallly weirded out by their music, omar being cuban and cedeic never having entered to mexico in his life, HE SAID CEDRIC CURLED HIS HAIR EVERY DAY AND THAT HIS NATURAL HAIR WAS STRAIGH?!!! AND AS A "PROOF" HE SHOWED EARLY ATDI PICS WHERE CED HAD SHORT HAIR???? i was SHOCKED by the amount of lies he told. the only "true" thing he said was that ced and omar kind of forced / kidnapped larry harlow to play in lvia but he exaggerated it a lot. he also said omar and cedric were gay

duration of the conversation: almost all the time i was there waiting for tmv to come out 😭

how many stars: ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. bro lied a LOT but it was entertaining af

2. two young tmvoltaic fans saying how some of their songs were sexually arounsing: oh. they mentioned a few songs and said that the beat and voice of ced were quite sexually arousing, i remember the malkin jewel (i think that one is kind of obvious?) and also THAT part of cotopaxi (you know what part im talking about). i think they said more but i could barely hear it.

duration: about 5 minutes 🐶

grade: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. very funny. but 😭 saying you find tmv songs sexy surrounded by tmv fans was a weird decision but ok.

3. two confused guys who werent there to see tmv but were waiting for toto (toto was playing after tmv so there were a few toto fans among us). : they were a woman and a man who were CONFUSED AF. the guy kept bopping his head with a confused face during the whole show, and while they were playing the long silent part in cicatriz the guy whispered to the woman " i bet everyone is as confused as we are" and they turned around and saw me crying my eyes out (because cedric was right in front of me) and the woman said "oh im not sure. that kid has been screaming every single song" and the guy said "wait what? they have lyrics? i cant differentiate between the voice and instruments" and the woman said " i could only understand the songs in spanish" and the guy nodded.

duration of the comversation: idk they were next to me the whole time and were talking theought the whole showbut i could only gain a few bits of it.

stars: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. i get u guys 😭

i heard more things throught the day:

-drunk guy screaming to cedric PAPIIIIII CEDRIC TE AMO the whole time 😭

-a guy poiting at my deloused shirt saying "brooo themarsvolta! do you like them" (at a themarsvolta concert) (me being at barricade for tmv) (me crying of excitement) (having a themarsvolta shirt on) "yes! 😅 theyre my fav band" and the guy being like dooope

more things happened that day but ill be sharing them later

[acaplaya-musings]

A random selection of old VoicePlay live performances

I had vaguely considered making separate posts for each of these, but eh, let's just throw em in together.

Want something to help entertain yourself while you wait for any new VoicePlay/Geoff content? Well here's a small selection of live show recordings that I stumbed across over the past month or two! I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

4:2:Five - Frankie Valli Four Seasons Medley

This one isn't technically VoicePlay - it's pre-VoicePlay! Aka the group under their former name, 4:2:Five. Apparently this was for some "Celebrity Cruises, CLIA award dinner" (just based on the first couple seconds of the video), all the way back in 2010! So we have Geoff, Layne, and Earl all looking very young (baby Geoff! 💜), and then they're also joined by former members Danny Alan and Ryan Reed (shoutout to one of the Patrons in the Discord server for identifying them for me!)

I knew every song here, and I loved both the singing and the bits of choreography, but the first time I watched this it took me an embarrassing amount of time to fully realize that "oh wait this isn't actually acapella" 😅😂

VoicePlay - Boy Band Medley (Acapella) (from 2013)

Last month (back in December) I happened to hear What Makes You Beautiful by 1D on the car radio. My first thought was "god this song must be over 10 years old now" (correct - it's 13 years old), but my second thought was thinking that VoicePlay would be great at covering the song. I said this in the Geoff's Patrons Discord server, and someone else was like "they have covered it", and of course I was like "link???"

I still think a cover of "What Makes You Beautiful" done by the current lineup now would be amazing (with either Omar or Anthony as the collaborator maybe?), but this was definitely fun as well! Honestly it's kinda fun to go into a medley like this, not knowing for sure what songs are gonna be used, and so you have like one or two seconds of uncertainty when a new song starts, and then it clicks and you're like "oh my goodness"

If you're reading this without watching the video and you're being like "what do you mean you weren't sure about the song lineup? Isn't it just more or less the same as their 2019 boy band medley?" Nope, there's only three songs here that also make it to their Boy Bands In 5 Minutes video (also the 1D song they replaced WMYB with, Best Song Ever, hadn't even been released yet when this live performance was done! As it came out in July 2013, while this was January 2013).

As I watched this video, I quickly realized that if I had somehow known about VoicePlay in this early era (and had been like 2 or 3 years older than what I actually was in 2013), Geoff wouldn't have been the one who would draw my eye the most… I would've been giving most of my attention to Tony 😅 (what can I say - he can dance and he looks great in eyeliner)

Kinda amusing to see that apparently the joke about Geoff being "old" has been going on even since his short-hair days.

'WOW HITS' VoicePlay on The Sing-Off Tour 2015

When I asked for the link to the previous video, this video ended up being shared in the chat soon after as well, and I was like "alright sure, might as well watch it", and yeah it's pretty great 😄 (And also Utterly Ridiculous)

Was so blown away by getting a Layne rap section that I kinda hadn't fully processed what song it was, and so the drop into the "chorus" with the background choreo movements from the other four guys fully kicked me in the face 🤣

I wasn't fully familiar with every song here like I was for the previous two medleys (never heard of "Drunk On A Plane" before in my life), but hey, it's still overall a good time (even if I feel like I'm missing a bit of context with the "WOW album thing, lol)

Voiceplay - Oogie Boogie Song Live 12-20-19

This one was also shared in the VP Discord server back in December last year, though the original video of course comes from 2019, and it's a live Disneyworld performance! (I think)

Look, if you're a big VP fan like me, then you likely know Oogie Boogie's Song off by heart. And if you watch as many reaction channels as I do, then you perhaps may even know it inside out and backwards. But this video is still worth a watch in my opinion! (Though note that the audio is a little iffy, and there's a bit of a feedback noise when Geoff goes for the E1 sub)

I've mentioned this back in my Voiceplay Visuals post I did for Oogie Boogie's Song, but basically that video is one of the few videos where my brain struggles to fully comprehend Geoff as "Geoff". It's hard to explain. I still know it's him, obviously, and it's not like a Song Of Durin situation or a Hide And Seek situation, but with the heavy face makeup and the costuming and the in-character theatrics and all, he's very much being a different person (or, well, Boogey Man, I suppose).

All of ⬆️ the above point to say that this video is honestly really something! Like seeing Geoff looking like his regular self (no costuming or face paint), but with him still acting in-character and just looking like he's having a good time? Man it's almost too much for me to handle, I love him so much <3

[pagegirlintraining]

Hey Michelle 💜,

✄ DVD BONUS: pick a fic and I’ll describe or write a deleted scene!

♡ SMALL THINGS: pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite minor detail from it!

♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!)

(for the time of my life)

(queen of dancing fics!!)

Hi Sophia 🥰 thanks so much for asking about Time of my Life. I love that story so much 🥹

I’ll do these in a different order because I think it works out better that way :)

♡ SMALL THINGS: pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite minor detail from it!

I kinda love that August gets both punched and arrested in this one. Yup, I'm simple as that :D (But also just the thought of them continuing with Simon's dance lessons after the Sheldrake performance just for the fun of it has me all 🫠🫠🫠 when I think about it). Oh, and I kinda manifested Omar in that red shirt from Allsång so that’s pretty cool 😎

♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!)

The Place To Be is an obvious one. But as for a song that isn't directly included in the story, The Golden Times by Jacob Brass is literally Simon looking back at the end of their summer all nostalgic, so proud of what they've done together and excited for the future they now get to build. So yeah, I love that song a lot.

✄ DVD BONUS: pick a fic and I’ll describe or write a deleted scene!

I wanted to write the scene of them deciding to keep dancing together but ultimately had to admit to myself that I just have too many other projects going on. But I very much picture them cuddled up in Wille‘s room when Simon attempts to inconspicuously bring up that dancing together was actually kinda fun. He‘ll joke about how he even kinda misses the soreness from training every day. And Wille, both because he decides to be gracious and not make Simon spell it out completely and because he’s freaking ecstatic that Simon loved dancing together as much as he did, suggests that they could always continue their lessons just for fun, without any high risk lifts if that’s okay with him. Obviously Simon agrees, and maybe he falls just a little more deeply in love seeing the excitement on Wille‘s face…

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E1

So after digesting my first watch a little bit, I'm starting my rewatch of this season and I'll share a few thoughts and reactions (and screenshots) because I can't keep it all to myself 😱

I was happy that we dived directly into the (sort of) trial and confrontation between Wilhelm, Simon and August. I do wonder how much time passed between the speech and this scene though. It sets the tone for the entire season for Wilhelm: he's gonna be alone, with no support whatsoever from his parents. He enters the room alone, his parents arrive after him and his mother doesn't even look at him... Simon arrives with his mother and August with his stepdad. But Wilhelm has to deal with the situation alone (aka how to get incredibly mad at Kristina barely 5min into the season 😤)

Simon looks so pretty and so sad. (And how did Omar manage to look even younger this season??) He wants to be done with this whole thing. Also I checked but 1.2 millions kronor is not as much as I thought it would be (it's apparently around 107 000€, which is not bad, but I was expecting more)

I see what you did there Simon 😏 (Can someone gif this scene and put it in parallel with Wilhelm seeing Simon's room for the first time and saying "cozy" in season 1? :p)

The boys coming back to the meeting: very smooth. Nobody knows what you were doing. Nop. Not at all. (We can see Linda kinda smirking when Simon sits back whereas Kristina looks like she just ate a very sour lemon). Wilhelm arranging his hair and Simon smiling at him: they might be in the middle of an important meeting and at the Palace but they're still 2 teenage boys in love (and I love them for that 💜)

Rickard looked and sounded like such an idiot in the previous seasons that I didn't expect him to actually be competent! But I guess we were mostly seeing him through August's eyes... I know Rickard said he was the best lawyer in the country but I have to admit that I thought he was just bragging ^^' Also: August is such an asshole. Did he really need to rile up Wilhelm like that? He's got quite the confidence to attack him and tell him how he just fuck things up on his own, in front of everyone like that, including the queen. Who, again, is not defending her son!! She tells them to shut up but she says nothing to August for talking like that to her son 😠

(They look like they've been called to the principal office). Kristina doesn't look at them immediately, she looks at Erik's picture on her desk first. Then she looks at August. And then finally at Wilhelm. She is so awful to him this season... Right from the start. And then she breaks down crying for Erik.

While Wilhelm holds her. I wasn't expecting to see her grieve so much this season. We didn't see that at all in season 2. Is it because she repressed all of her emotions too much? I hate that she breaks down like that just after Wilhelm publicly coming out. How can she not be there for him. I get that it must be hard to lose a son, but she still has a very alive one, who needs her.

Kristina is not getting redeemed in this season but Linda kinda is! I was super happy to see her get in mama bear's mode at the trial ^^ It was about time!! But here: I'm sorry Linda but it's not your son's role to keep you updated about what's going on in your house! You're the mother! Stop putting everything on this kid's shoulders!! Maybe he never tells you but do you ever ask??

Simon being truly angry at Sara is so good. I am so happy so he's able to feel that way and to not feel like he has to repress it, to forgive her, to help her. She did something truly bad and he's allowed to be mad. Also look at his angry lil' face 💜

In things that made me laugh: Wilhelm's reaction and face to learning that Simon is grounded all semester xD He was talking all smoothly/flirty and then his tone changes so dramatically when he realizes he won't be able to get his boyfriend in his bed very soon! Horny boy is horny (and frustrated :p)

This faaaaaace ☹

I'm happy to see that Simon still has Ayub and Rosh here to support him. I wish they would have told him that replying to comments online was a bad idea though. You know the saying kids: don't feed the trolls!!

Wilhelm looks like such a normal teenager when he gets back to his room. First time we see him so carefree. It breaks my heart to know that on the other side Simon is so unwell already.

Wilhelm waking up happy and smiling. And being just a teenager (for the first time in a very long time): thinking about his boyfriend, redrawing the heart on his hand. It's such teenager things!! My boy just wants to have a normal life... (And then he's immediately reminded that he's actually not just a regular teenager with Farima's text).

Simon's worried face when he asks about Wilhelm's initiation. You can see he's truly horrified at the idea that he might have gone through what's been described in the article.

And then it starts: the piling up of everything on Wilhelm's shoulders. First his mother looking really unwell and breaking down (even though she hasn't been said to be officially ill yet), and now the negative impact of his speech on the school... Which Vincent takes great pleasure in reminding him about.

This first episode is really good at setting things in motion. We see already the beginning of what's gonna go down during this season: Simon not feeling well, dealing with online hatred, struggling with his new place next to Wilhelm in the spotlight. And Wilhelm trying to finally live a carefree life at school with his boyfriend now that he's officially out but slowly getting crushed under the pressure of his role as Crown Prince and the increasingly obvious lack of support from his parents.

[cerridwen007]

The Two of Us.

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader.

Word count: 1.3k

Summary: Third part to the Javi x f!reader situationship series. Follows the morning after reader and Javi fuck after being apart for a month. Reader lays out all her feelings on the table hoping Javier will too.

Inspired by the song "The Two of Us" by Omar Apollo.

Warnings/Notes: ANGST, FLUFF, Swearing, no use of y/n, bad Spanish.

A/N: It's finally here, the third part of the trilogy. I am pretty happy with how it turned out and am so thankful for all the feedback and love I've gotten on the series. This is the first series I've managed to complete and has definitely motivated me to finish and write more series. I was thinking of maybe adding some smut in here as well but decided to add a whole bunch of tooth rotting fluff instead. Also, I have an idea for an angsty prologue of the lead up to "She" that I might post in the next week or so once I finish writing and editing it, which I plan on having smut return in that. As always, comments, likes, and reposts are very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy it!

Part 1: She. Part 2: Her.

***********

Sunlight flutters through your curtains as you wake. You smile to yourself as you remember the warm passions of last night. The smile quickly fades when you realize Javier isn't in your bed. A tear threatens to escape the corner of your eye, but you don't let it. You weren't going to cry over a man this morning.

The threat of tears instantly disappears, when you walk into your kitchen and see Javier standing there shirtless making breakfast and coffee for you both. Your heart instantly melts and begins to flutter at the rare sight of domestic Javi before you. Before you even realize what you're doing, you come up behind him and hug his back tightly.

"Mmmh, good morning handsome." You coo while holding him closely.

He leans back into your touch and holds your hands in his.

"Good morning, mi amor....sleep well?"

"Great, thank you...and yourself?"

"The best sleep I've had in a while, actually."

You smile and plant soft kisses on his back, making Javier chuckle.

"Careful Hermosa, I might end up burning our breakfast if you carry on like that."

You giggle. "That wouldn't be the worst thing ever."

You both laugh, and he turns around to hug you and kiss your forehead. He holds you close and turns back around to stir the scrambled eggs. You hold each other close till Javier finishes cooking, and you help him bring your plates and glasses to the table.

You're both all smiles as you eat your breakfast till a sudden realization hits you. Is this just you doing what you had before, fuckbuddies and nothing more?

A tear wells at the corner of your eye as you look at the man before you, as much as you love your physical, sexual relationship you still wanted and needed more for him.

You wanted to be his forever and wanted him to be yours too. His eyebrows squeeze together as he looks at your thinly drawn mouth and watery eyes.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

As much as you try to stop the tears from escaping a single tear falls down your cheek. He reaches up to you and wipes it away gently with his hand, cupping your jaw.

"I.....I.. want you, Javier."

"Cariño... you have me. Here, right now."

"I meant I want you....I want this... I want us...forever... more than what we were before."

He looks uncomfortable as he clears his throat.

"And I know that you probably don't want that, but I don't think we can continue whatever this is, if you don't feel the same way.....I can't let myself fall in love with you more and more everyday...knowing that you won't ever love me back."

His mind becomes clouded with all the aspects of being in a relationship with you. Waking up to your beautiful smiling face every morning, kissing down your body, coercing those beautiful sounds out of you every night. Maybe even one day settling down on his dad's ranch with you, little Peñas running around.

But then his slight smile slips off his face when he thought about you two fighting, everyday when he comes home from work, him accidently taking his anger from his job home to you and the narcos finding where you lived and murdering you because of him.

He couldn't seem to form a proper sentence with all the thoughts getting mixed up in his head. You reached out and placed your hand on his across the table, rubbing it comfortingly.

"Javi, look at me."

He looks up at you, with those big, brown, baby cow eyes, making your heart melt.

"Tell me what you're thinking.”

His throat closes preventing all the words from spilling out.

“Tell me…do you..do you love me Javier?” You say, voice breaking.

His heart thunders away in his chest as his mouth goes dry. Another tear falls down your cheek, you bite your lip to stop it from quivering.

“I…I… love you, querida.”

Your heart skips a beat. Confusion and anger fill your veins, unconvinced of his admission.

“Don’t say that you love me if you don't Javi…Don’t fucken play with my feelings so you can keep fucking me!” You spit at him, getting up to leave the table.

He looks at you distraught. He gets up and grabs your wrist firmly.

You angrily stare at him as you try to pull away from his grip but he doesn't let go. He pulls you closer to him and firmly grabs your jaw with his other hand so you will look at him.

“Look at me Hermosa.”

He swallows deeply, while his eyes dart back and forth across your face. His voice trembles a little as he speaks, so unused to admitting his feelings. You bite your tongue to hold back the angry, sad tears that blur your vision.

“I- the reason that I didn't say I loved you back before was because I was afraid.”

Your expression softens his words.

“I have never loved anyone since Lorraine who I left at the altar and looking back I don't even know how much I loved her …..I left though cause I was afraid and I'm still afraid…for different reasons this time.”

He pauses a second to see your saddened expression focused on his lips.

“I'm afraid that you will get sick of me and leave me…I'm afraid that once you see all of me, the flaws and all you will hate me. I'm afraid that I won’t be a good partner, won't give you enough attention or love and that you will grow to hate me. I’m afraid that my job will get in between us, that I'll take my stress and anger out on you, that the narcos will hurt you to get to me….. I’m afraid that I'll lose you.”

He feels his eyes start to water, and to hide his vulnerable state, he lets go of his hold on you and turns away. Your heart begins to physically hurt seeing Javier hurt in front of you.

“Hey.” you softly tell him. “ I can't say that won’t ever lose me, cause we both know that’s not true, but I know that I'll still love you even with all your flaws and that I won't get sick of you.”

He turns around and looks into your eyes as you continue speaking.

“You’re a good man Javier, more than you know or think, I know you always do your best but I also know that you're too hard on yourself, that you beat yourself up too much over things out of your control.”

You close the gap between the two of you and hold his hand gently.

“Being in a relationship is hard - for anyone, and I'm sure that we could make it work by both putting in effort and talking to each other about what we need and want.”

You take a deep breat and close you eyes for a second, feeling the last of your anger dissipate.

“I can’t promise you that you won't lose me in one way or another, but I can promise that I'll love you for as long as I live. And I would rather spend a short life in your arms than a long life without you.”

He gulps hard and looks at you. You slowly pull him into a hug and rest your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He shakily exhales as he wraps his arms around you and lets his head fall onto the top of your head, breathing in your hair.

You hold each other close, swaying softly and relishing in the warmth of each other. Before Javier breaks the silence, speaking softly.

“I really do love you. Mi amor, I love you more than you will ever know.”

You lift your head to look at him and plant a soft kiss to his lips.

“I love you too, Javier. I'm yours forever.”

You both smile softly before kissing each other gently. The comforting taste of each swapped onto your own tongues. Your hands holding each other tightly, almost afraid to let go.

You don't know what was to come from here but you were just happy to be in his arms. It was the start of a new chapter for you and Javi. One where you would get to experience him wholly, just as you needed to.

************