#om chapter 37

[rosemaidenvixen]

A Secret's Worth

Chapter 37: Barbara

Ao3

“Did you remember to pack extra socks and underwear?”

“Mo-om!” Jim’s face turned lobster red as he descended the stairs to the main floor.

Barbara chuckled as she picked up the cooler, holding Jim’s contribution to the potluck, from the dining room table “Sorry sorry I know I’m hovering,” she fell in step behind him once he reach the floor, the two of them heading out the front door “I just worry about you,”

And she was worried. 

It wasn’t like this came out of nowhere, she’d known for over a month this was coming. But the summer had flown by, June and the first chunk of July passing in a flurry of therapy appointments carpools and outings and texts with other parents. And now here they were, Bon Voyage only minutes away. 

The two of them headed down the porch, Barbara’s throat tightening when she saw the van idling by the curb. She was so so worried about Jim going through with this. But she knew that most of her worries were anchored in her own paranoia rather than reality. 

This was perfectly safe, they had a plan in place and Jim was a responsible young man who could take care of himself.

That didn’t make it any easier to let him go.

“I promise it’ll all go ok,” Jim hefted his bag higher over his shoulder “We’ve got a game plan, and I packed four pairs of underwear,”

He flashed her a reassuring smile, making her heart clench in a way that both stung and relieved “I know I know, now let’s not keep Mary’s moms waiting,”

The two of them approached the van. Darci’s grinning head poking out an open window “About time, we were considering leaving without you,”

“No don’t!” Toby’s voice rang out from inside the car “He needs to come with us so I can smoke him at horseshoes!”

Barbara left the kids to it and stepped towards the driver's window, nodding at the two women in the front seat “Julie, Amy, good to see you,”.

“Barbara, good to see you to,” Julie repiled with her own nod “You need a hand?”

“Nope I’ve got it,” Barabra stepped around to the back of the car, popping the trunk with her foot and sliding the cooler inside before shutting it again. Around the side of the car Jim had already placed his overnight bag inside and was about to step in himself.

A surge of emotion overcame her and before she knew what she was doing Barbara darted towards him and snagged Jim in a tight hug.

“Love you kiddo, have fun and stay safe,”

Jim was stiff for a few seconds before he softened into her embrace, returning her hug with one of his own “Love you to mom, I promise I’ll be fine,”

Her heart swelled, Jim nestled snug against her. In that moment Barbara wanted more than anything to hold Jim close and never let him go.

But she let him go, stepping back onto the sidewalk while Jim climbed inside the van. Flashing one final smile towards her before shutting the door. Less than a second later the van pulled away from the curb. Through the open window she could see Jim waving at her as they went.

Barbara tugged her lips up into what she hoped resembled a grin, giving a jerky wave back.

Then the van rounded the corner past a grove of trees, both it and Jim vanishing from sight.

Now it was just Barbara, standing all alone on the side of the road.

Jim was gone, heading the furthest he’d ever been from her reach, and he wouldn’t be coming back for two days.

Stomach going tight and eyes starting to water, Barbara forced herself to pick up her feet and move back towards the house.

This was perfectly safe, Jim was a teenager, a smart mature responsible teenager, he could look after himself.

He wouldn’t be alone, he’d have his friends, and responsible adult supervision.

This was fine. This was necessary. She and Jim needed to learn how to function separately from each other.

But god was it hard.

Jim was far away and if anything changed or something happened and he needed help she wouldn’t be there and she was so so worried.

Barbara stepped through the front door, shutting it behind her and leaning back against the wood. Closing her eyes and pulling in a deep breath.

And that was ok.

She was worried about Jim, and that was ok. It didn’t make her smothering or overbearing or paranoid. It was ok to worry about her son while he was away on an overnight trip. Now what was she going to do with that worry?

Realistically if something did happen she would get a call from Jim or one of his friends or another adult. She should keep her phone fully charged and on her person at all times in case of an emergency, and unless something did happen that was all she could do. But she shouldn’t just sit and stare at the phone all day waiting for it to ring, that would change nothing and help no one.

Fortunately she’d planned ahead on a distraction.

Pushing off the door and striding into the kitchen, Barbara grabbed the spiral notebook and pen off the counter and the totebags off the floor before heading back outside.

Running errands, and not just the grocery store.

First she’d run by the hardware store to pick up spare home repair supplies, then hit the department store for new clothes and sheets, and finally the grocery store to stock up.

With all Barbara had planned she should well and truly be able to distract herself from Jim’s absence for the rest of the day. Of course after she was done….

Well by then enough time should have passed to take the edge off.

Despite these rationalizations, Barbara still felt dark clouds lurking at the edge of her thoughts as she hopped inside the car, tossing her items onto the passenger seat. Visions of all the ways Jim’s little trip could go horribly wrong. Fighting the knee-jerk urge to shove the thoughts away, Barbara tried to address them as she pulled out onto the street.

His secret being exposed, his friends would cover for him.

A medical emergency, those were just as likely to happen here.

Mauled by a bear…well  the bear might actually lose.

The thoughts acknowledged, Barbara now tried to let them flow away. It wasn’t easy but she was getting better. Like Rose said, there was a big difference between acknowledging and working herself into a lather. 

Jim was gone on a two day trip. He was as safe as reasonably possible but she was still worried. And that was ok. Learning to cope with her worries was an important step for both of them. It was still so so hard, but that was ok to.

Barbara found herself saying that a lot lately.

It had been a month and a half yet somehow felt like it happened both yesterday and centuries ago. A month and a half since James had blown everything she thought she knew out of the water, since she’d started seeing Rose, since her entire way of living for over a decade had been flipped on its head. Leaving her adrift in uncharted waters, unsure of where she was headed or what currents would pull her.

A month and a half and Barbara still hadn’t quite found her bearings.

The blue and white Lowes sign came into view as she pulled into the parking lot. Barbara parked at the far end, the walk would be good for her, and grabbed her notebook.

Alright, time to get out of her own head and be productive.

She hopped out of the car and strode into the store.

And her time in the store was very productive. She bought spare light bulbs, nails, and screws. Looked at the fridge and freezer units, they didn’t actively need one right now but it couldn’t hurt to get some ideas for the future, and had a lovely conversation with a man in the PPE section. 

His name was Mike, he was from Milwaukee and he was here for his son’s graduation from engineering school in Los Angeles.

So when Barbara got back in the car she checked her phone, finding no new messages from Jim or the others, and she was pleased to see the better part of two hours had gone by, and she was still more or less put together.

Next stop, Macys.

Macys proved to be much more hectic than Lowes, because apparently July was an appropriate time to start a back to school sale, but despite the crowds Barbara still managed to get everything she came for and a few sale items.

In fact the trip was so busy that it wasn’t until she got back to the car that Barbara realized she hadn’t thought about Jim once during her rush for sheets and sale price t-shirts.

And after checking her phone, seeing no new messages or texts, she realized she didn’t feel bad about that.

Barbara felt not good, but better than she thought she would as she pushed her cart down the aisle at the grocery store. Jim had gone away for the weekend, and while he wouldn’t be back for a while, so far the sky hadn’t fallen, no catastrophe had happened, and no one had called her with bad news. Barbara had been trying to convince herself all day that this was going to be fine, but only now was she really starting to believe tha–

Her cart rounded the corner and her good mood crashing down to the ground and her heart shooting straight up into her throat.

She hadn’t seen him since that awful night, so much time had passed she’d been starting to hope that he’d left town of his own volition, but here he was. Blinking back at her from across the soup aisle.

His nose had a crooked hunch to it that hadn’t been there before, he’d likely never gotten it properly set after it had been broken, but the man in front of her was still unmistakably James.

For the longest time neither one of them said anything, just staring at each other with the creaking of other shoppers' carts and the store’s radio droning around them.

James was gaping, his mouth flapping open and shut like a fish before he finally managed to get words out.

“Barb I…I’m sorry,”

That broke the spell, shattering the bubble that had formed around her mind and letting rationality crash back in.

Seeing him again brought up a whole storm of conflicting emotions, one that she was nowhere near prepared to untangle. But through all the chaos in her mind one thought was clear.

She didn’t want this man anywhere near herself or her child ever again.

Barbara pulled her cart back, turned on her heel, and immediately started walking the opposite direction. From behind she heard James’ shoes slapping against the linoleum as he struggled to catch up.

“Didn’t you hear me? I’m sorry.”

“That’s nice.” Barbara said, please at how sharp and clipped her tone came out, rounding her cart around the edge of the aisle.

“I messed up bad and let you and Jim down, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make it up,”

“Good for you.”

This time she heard a falter in his steps, stopping for a few moments before continuing on after her “Look Barb, ever since I left, things have been hard,”

He darted around to the front of her cart, blocking her path and causing her to halt in her tracks “Will’s bar didn’t work out, for the past five years I’ve been working odd jobs and living paycheck to paycheck. And Heather….Heather cheated on me,”

Another step towards her “I need help getting back on my feet, if you could find it in your heart to just let me stay with you for a few months, six tops, I promise I’ll be there for you the way I should have been all this time,”

Barbara narrowed her eyes, staring at him for a few more seconds before steering the cart around him, walking further down the aisle, exiting it for one of the main corridors of the store. James still following on her heels.

“Barb look I’m pouring my soul out here,” a petulant edge crept into his voice “I’ve already apologized, what more do you want me to do?”

She didn’t slow down, or even turn her head “Go to Vegas, become a millionaire, or go to Hollywood and become an actor. Quite frankly I don’t care what you do, but there is no place for you with me or in my family,”

An abrupt shuffle and a rustle and suddenly James was kneeling on the floor in front of her cart, several other shoppers stopping and staring at the sight.

“Barb I…I fucked up real bad, there’s no way around that. But these past ten years have been so hard. It took me all that just to realize how much you and Jim mean to me. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness,”

No one moved, all the other shoppers staring at him in stunned silence, while James looked up at her, expression pleading.

For a moment Barbara was so taken aback all she could do was stare, mouth agape.

Then his laughter, cruel and mocking, from when he’d learned exactly what he’d done to Jim echoed in her mind and all shock vanished. Replaced with searing rage.

Barbara glared down at him, feeling her lips pull up into a snarl, cold fire smoldering in her chest.

“James let me make this clear. I don’t care about anything you have to say because your actions have proven that you don’t care about Jim and I,” her voice was icy and diamond hard “Whether or not you’re sorry is irrelevant, you’ve burned every bridge between us. And how dare you try to manipulate me by causing a scene in public.”

James flinched back at that, kneeling there on the floor face twisted up in a wince. Someone in the small crowd around them coughed.

“Dude, just get up,”

Not wasting a second, Barbara strode past James and pushed her cart to the front. She paid for and bagged her groceries without incident, all of them fitting in a single tote bag over her shoulder. For a moment she’d started to believe that she’d evaded James for good, but just when she was heading out the doors James darted in front of her again.

“Look Barbara I don’t want to do this, but if you don’t give me a hand I’ll take custody of Jim,”

Hearty laughter burst out of her, drawing stares from the other shoppers and employees around them entering and exiting the store “You’re going to try for custody after ten years of no contact and zero child support? Please do, let me know how that turns out,”

For a few moments James just stared at her, blinking in surprise, then the pleading look dropped off of his face in an instant, something dark taking its place “Don’t laugh Barb, I know your biggest secret. Now either you help me out or I’ll expose Little Jimmy’s ‘condition’ to the whole world,”

That threat sent a bolt of fear through her, heartbeat stuttering, but she dared not show it “You sure about that?” Barbara kept her shoulders square and voice steady, looking him dead in the eye and trying to project a confidence she didn’t feel “Because you have no proof and I’ve got five witnesses willing to say that Jim’s an average teenage boy. Not to mention with the trespassing and assault charges against you I don’t think anyone in Arcadia’s going to be inclined to believe you,”

James’ face darkened further, expression stony and all traces of remorse gone.

Or maybe they’d never been there in the first place. Maybe she was seeing James’ real face for the first time.

“You’re going to regret screwing me like this Barb,”

The cold certainty in his words chilled her to the bone, having to fight to maintain her poker face as she stepped around him and walked out the door “You did this to yourself James,”

Barbar headed out to her car, constantly glancing back to make sure James wasn’t following. Tossing her bag in the backseat before getting in herself and locking all the doors.

Then promptly burst into tears, fumbling for her phone with badly shaking hands. Somehow managing to pull up her contacts and bring it to her ear.

“Hello Rose?”

--

Barbara stepped through the front door, setting the last of her bags down on the floor while it swung shut behind her. She trudged over to the recliner and collapsed down in it, letting out a gusty breath. Today had been exhausting, in more ways than one, but at least it was over.

Sunlight streamed in through the windows, blinds open since Jim was on his trip, it set later this time of year. Nearly six o clock and it was still bright out. And it was just about time for…

Her phone chimed to life, Barbara fumbling to answer it, tapping the screen and holding it close to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey mom,” Jim’s voice rang out

“Hi kiddo,” she replied, a soft grin spreading across her face

And just like that, hearing her son’s voice so bright and happy, all the stress and anxiety of the day melted away “It’s good to hear from you. How’s your party going?”

“Great!” Jim said with a deep laugh. Too deep…

“Wait Jim have you…changed already?”

“Yup, about fifteen minutes ago,”

Despite herself she shot forward in her seat “But it’s so early?”

“Up in the mountains the sun sets earlier I guess, but it’s fine. I’m out in the woods, tent’s all set up for the night, but the gang and I are going to meet up later for snacks and scary stories. Well they’ll have snacks, I’ll have the wrappers the snacks came in,”

A soft laugh escaped “I’m…I’m glad you’re having a good time,”

She was, she really really was. She was glad her worries were for nothing and everything was going ok and Jim was having a fun time without her.

But she’d be lying if she said it didn’t sting a little. Jim, her little boy, had outgrown her. Jim was off on his own and doing just fine without her.

Which was good. He was fifteen, it was only natural for him to be more or less independent. But knowing how right this was didn’t do anything to stop her from feeling left in the lurch.

“Yeah….hey mom?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for letting me come on this trip…I know it’s a big change,”

From out of nowhere a crippling ache struck through her chest, burning surging up behind her eyes “Of course sweetie,” Barbara was careful to not let the sudden wave of emotion color her words “I want you to have a good time with your friends,”

“It’s just, for so long thinking about the future, what I do with all this…it scared me, I didn’t think that there was any way I could be happy. But now when I think about what comes next and everything we’re going to do together, for the the first time ever I’m excited about it,”

Her glasses fogged “That’s great hon,”

“I mean…for years I thought I was trapped, with the way I was stuck in the house, but I guess in the end I wasn’t nearly as trapped as I thought I was. Does that make sense?”

“Y– yes, yes it does,” she tried but wasn’t quite able to keep the tremor out of her voice.

“Thanks mom, I hope you’re having a good time to,”

“You know it, alright I don’t want to keep you from your candy wrappers,” that was a lie, she could talk to Jim for hours, but the longer she stayed on the line the greater the risk of him hearing her cry “I’ll talk to you later kiddo,”

“Ok, bye mom, love you,”

“Bye sweetie, Love you to,”

A tap of the screen and she was alone again. For a few minutes she stayed where she was sitting back in the chair, blinking away the remains of tears with Jim’s words echoing in her skull, observing the empty house in a whole new light.

Jim wasn’t a little boy, he didn’t need her the way he did when he was five. That was good for him, he was old enough he should be independent and living his own life. At first she’d felt left behind, but maybe this was a good thing for her to.

Barbara didn’t have a young child with complex needs that had to be figured out as they went along. Her child was a teenager now; confident, self reliant, and had a rich social life with friends his age. He didn’t need her–

For the first time instead of bringing pain that thought made her feel so dizzyingly light.

She could get in the car right now, drive to Arcadia National park, paint the sunset, and drive back at midnight while hitting every roadside attraction on the way. And Jim would still be A-ok hanging out with his friends at their party. Right now Barbara could do anything she wanted and Jim would still be fine, the whole world seemed to be opening up to her. She could explore museums, pick up old hobbies, paint the town red with her fr–

Before she realized what she was doing Barbara was lifting up her phone again and pulling up her contacts, raising it to her ear as it rang. Only three rings and the other person picked up.

“Hello?” Nancy’s voice echoed out.

“Hi Nancy it’s Barbara, I was just wondering…” she trailed off, suddenly unsure.

“Wondering what?”

“I guess, I mean…it’s still early tonight,” Barbara stammered “And I was wondering if you wanted to go out and…I don’t know, maybe do something like hit up a restaurant or–”

“Count me in!” 

“Are you sure? I mean I don’t want to interrupt your evening–”

“Barbara reruns of Mistrial and Error are still going to be here tomorrow. Now you get your car started while I head over, we’re hitting the town!”

A smile tugging at the edges of her mouth and excitement she hadn’t felt in years bubbling up in her chest, Barbara stood and all but ran towards the door.

[anniesardors]

one more song - chapter 37

Summary: With one glance at her, Jay thinks she must be the type of girl people write songs about. Strong and powerful and mysterious, with bright blue eyes that leave him wanting more.

He wonders if she's the type of girl he could write a song about.

AN: Happy one more song day friends! Oms is back with a fun festive chapter. Thanks for reading and hope you all enjoy 🎶

Read on AO3

[dailybhakthimessages]

🌹 10, MAY 2024 FRISDAY ALL MESSAGES శుక్రవారం, బృగు వాసర సందేశాలు🌹

🍀🌹 10, MAY 2024 FRISDAY ALL MESSAGES శుక్రవారం, బృగు వాసర సందేశాలు🌹🍀 1) 🌹 కపిల గీత - 337 / Kapila Gita - 337 🌹 🌴 8. ధూమ - అర్చిరాది మార్గముల ద్వారా వెళ్ళు వారి గతి - భక్తియోగ విశిష్టత - 20 / 8. Entanglement in Fruitive Activities - 20 🌴 2) 🌹. విష్ణు సహస్ర నామ తత్వ విచారణ - 930 / Vishnu Sahasranama Contemplation - 930 🌹 🌻 930. జీవనః, जीवनः, Jīvanaḥ 🌻 3) 🌹 సిద్దేశ్వరయానం - 59 🌹 🏵 శిష్యురాలు భైరవీ బ్రాహ్మణి 🏵 4) 🌹. శివ సూత్రములు - 244 / Siva Sutras - 244 🌹 🌻 3-37. కరణశక్తిః స్వతో'నుభవత్ - 3 / 3-37. karanaśaktih svato'nubhavāt - 3 🌻

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. కపిల గీత - 337 / Kapila Gita - 337 🌹 🍀. కపిల దేవహూతి సంవాదం 🍀 ✍️. ప్రసాద్‌ భరధ్వాజ

🌴 8. ధూమ - అర్చిరాది మార్గములద్వారా వెళ్ళువారి గతి - భక్తియోగ విశిష్టత - 20 🌴

20. దక్షిణేన పథార్యష్ణుః పితృలోకం వ్రజంతి తే| ప్రజామనుప్రజాయంతే శ్మశానాంతక్రియాకృతః॥

తాత్పర్యము : గర్భాదానము మొదలు అంత్యేష్టివరకు సంస్కారములను (షోడశ సంస్కారములను) అన్నింటిని విధ్యుక్తముగా ఆచరించు సకామ కర్ములు ధూమ మార్గమున పితృలోకములకు చేరెదరు. తరువాత తమ సంతానమునకే మరల సంతానమై జన్మింతురు.

వ్యాఖ్య : భగవద్గీత, తొమ్మిదవ అధ్యాయం, 21వ శ్లోకంలో, అటువంటి వ్యక్తులు ఉన్నత గ్రహ వ్యవస్థలకు చెందిన ఉంటారని చెప్పబడింది. వారి జీవితకాల ఫలవంతమైన కార్యకలాపాలు ముగిసిన వెంటనే, వారు ఈ గ్రహానికి తిరిగి వస్తారు. ఉన్నత గ్రహాలకు చేరిన వారు మళ్లీ అనుబంధం ఉండడం వల్ల అదే కుటుంబంలోకి తిరిగి వెళతారు. ఈ ఫలవంతమైన కార్యకలాపాలు జీవితాంతం వరకు కొనసాగుతాయి. పుట్టినప్పటి నుండి జీవితాంతం వరకు వివిధ నిర్దేశిత ఆచారాలు ఉన్నాయి మరియు అవి అలాంటి కార్యకలాపాలకు చాలా అనుబంధంగా ఉంటాయి.

సశేషం.. 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹 Kapila Gita - 337 🌹 🍀 Conversation of Kapila and Devahuti 🍀 📚 Prasad Bharadwaj

🌴 8. Entanglement in Fruitive Activities - 20 🌴

20. dakṣiṇena pathāryamṇaḥ pitṛ-lokaṁ vrajanti te prajām anu prajāyante śmaśānānta-kriyā-kṛtaḥ

MEANING : Such materialistic persons are allowed to go to the planet called Pitṛloka by the southern course of the sun, but they again come back to this planet and take birth in their own families, beginning again the same fruitive activities from birth to the end of life.

PURPORT : In Bhagavad-gītā, Ninth Chapter, verse 21, it is stated that such persons are elevated to the higher planetary systems. As soon as their lifetimes of fruitive activity are finished, they return to this planet, and thus they go up and come down. Those who are elevated to the higher planets again come back into the same family for which they had too much attachment; they are born, and the fruitive activities continue again until the end of life. There are different prescribed rituals from birth until the end of life, and they are very much attached to such activities.

Continues… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. విష్ణు సహస్ర నామ తత్వ విచారణ - 930 / Vishnu Sahasranama Contemplation - 930 🌹

🌻 930. జీవనః, जीवनः, Jīvanaḥ 🌻

ఓం జీవనాయ నమః | ॐ जीवनाय नमः | OM Jīvanāya namaḥ

సర్వాః ప్రజాః ప్రాణరూపేణ జీవయన్ జీవనః

పరమాత్ముడే ప్రాణ రూపమున నుండుచు సర్వ ప్రజలను జీవింప జేయు చున్నాడు కావున జీవనః.

సశేషం… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹. VISHNU SAHASRANAMA CONTEMPLATION- 930 🌹

🌻 930. Jīvanaḥ 🌻

OM Jīvanāya namaḥ

सर्वाः प्रजाः प्राणरूपेण जीवयन् जीवनः / Sarvāḥ prajāḥ prāṇarūpeṇa jīvayan jīvanaḥ

In the form of breath, He makes all creatures live and hence He is Jīvanaḥ.

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 Source Sloka उत्तारणो दुष्कृतिहा पुण्यो दुस्स्वप्ननाशनः ।वीरहा रक्षणस्सन्तो जीवनं पर्यवस्थितः ॥ ९९ ॥ ఉత్తారణో దుష్కృతిహా పుణ్యో దుస్స్వప్ననాశనః ।వీరహా రక్షణస్సన్తో జీవనం పర్యవస్థితః ॥ 99 ॥ Uttāraṇo duṣkr‌tihā puṇyo dussvapnanāśanaḥ,Vīrahā rakṣaṇassanto jīvanaṃ paryavasthitaḥ ॥ 99 ॥

Continues…. 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹 సిద్దేశ్వరయానం - 59 🌹

💐 శ్రీ సిద్దేశ్వరానంద భారతీ స్వామి విరచిత 💐

🏵 శిష్యురాలు భైరవీ బ్రాహ్మణి 🏵

యోగేశ్వరి మరునాడు ప్రొద్దునే లేచి యమునలోస్నానం చేసి వచ్చింది. బృందావనంలోని రాధాకృష్ణ మందిరాలకు వెళ్ళి నమస్కరించింది. మహనీయులైన యోగుల సమాధుల దగ్గరకు వెళ్ళింది. యమునాతీరాన సతీదేవి యొక్క కేశములు పడినచోట కేశకాళీమందిరము ఉన్నది. అక్కడికి వెళ్ళి ఆ దేవతను చూచి "అమ్మా ! నీ దయకోసం బయలుదేరుతున్నాను. నాకు విజయాన్ని ప్రసాదించు" అని వేడుకొన్నది. ఇంటికి వెళ్ళి విశ్రాంతి తీసుకొని, సాయంకాలం రాధాదామోదర మందిరానికి వెళ్ళి కాళీయోగి అక్కడి నుండి ఎప్పుడు వెళ్ళిపోతున్నాడో విచారణ చేసింది. ఆ రాత్రి తెల్లవారుజామునే వెడతారని అక్కడి ఆశ్రమ నిర్వాహకులు చెప్పారు.

కాళీయోగి దర్శనానికి వెడదామని నాలుగడుగులు ముందుకు వేసి మళ్లీ ఆగింది. పునరాలోచన ఇప్పుడు వారి దగ్గరకు వెళ్ళి నన్ను మీతో తీసుకు వెళ్ళండి అంటే వారు అంగీకరిస్తారో అంగీకరించరో ! ఇంటి పెద్దల అనుమతి లేకుండా - వారితో ప్రయాణానికి ఒప్పుకోక పోతే ఇక తన జీవితమింతే. కనుక ఇప్పుడాయన దగ్గరకు వెళ్ళకుండా తెల్లవారు జామున ఆయననుసరించి ఊరుదాటి కొంతదూరం వెళ్ళిన తరువాత ఆయనను కలసి కాళ్ళమీదపడి ప్రార్థించాలి, అని నిశ్చయించుకొన్నది.

గుడిలో ఒక్క తాటాకు గంటము తీసుకొని నేను తపస్సు చేసుకోవటానికి వెడుతున్నాను. నా కోసం వెతకవద్దు దిగులు పడవద్దు. వీలైనంత త్వరలో నేనే తిరిగి వస్తానని వ్రాసి ఘంటము తిరిగి ఇచ్చి వేసి ఆ తాటాకును వస్త్రములో దాచుకొని ఇంటికి వెళ్ళింది. రాత్రి అందరూ నిద్రపోయిన తరువాత రాత్రి మూడవ జాము సగపడగానే లేచి పూజామందిరంలో రాధాకృష్ణుల ముందు ఆ తాటాకు పెట్టి దానిపై చిన్న బరువు పెట్టి నెమ్మదిగా ఇంట్లో నుంచి బయటకు వచ్చింది. కట్టుకొన్న బట్టలు దప్ప ఏ వస్తువూ ఆమె దగ్గర లేదు. రాధాదామోదర మందిరానికి ఆమె చేరుకొని లోపలకు వెళ్ళకుండా దూరంగా ఒక అరుగు మీద కూర్చున్నది. బ్రాహ్మీ ముహూర్తంలో కాళీయోగి బయటకు వచ్చారు.

ఆశ్రమం పెద్దలు ఆయనకు వీడ్కోలు చెప్పి నాలుగడుగులు వేసిన తరువాత వారి నాగిపొమ్మని ఆయన ఒక్కడే బయలుదేరాడు. చిత్రం ఆయన చేతిలోనూ ఏ సామానులేదు. ఆయన కొంత దూరం వెళ్ళిన తరువాత, జాగ్రత్తగా ఆయనను అనుసరిస్తూ యోగేశ్వరి నడవటం మొదలు పెట్టింది. బృందావనధామం దాటారు. తెలతెలవారుతున్నది. త్రోవలో ఒక కదంబవృక్షం దగ్గర ఆయన ఆగాడు. వందగజాల దూరంలో ఉన్న యోగేశ్వరికి అమ్మా ! నీవు దగ్గరకురావచ్చు అన్న కాళీయోగి మాట విన్పించింది. ఆయన గొంతు తనకు తెలిసినదే. వెనుకకు తిరుగకుండా వెడుతున్న ఆయోగి తనరాకను గుర్తించాడన్న మాట. గబగబా నడుచుకుంటూ ఆయన దగ్గరకు వెళ్ళి కాళ్ళ మీదపడింది.

"లే! యోగేశ్వరి ! చాలా దూరం శ్రమపడినడచి వచ్చావు. ఇంట్లో చెప్పకుండా బయలుదేరి సాహసం చేశావు. నాతో చెపితే వద్దంటానేమోనని వెంటవచ్చావు. సమస్త బంధాలు పరిత్యజించి భగవంతుని అన్వేషిస్తూ ఏకాంతంగా కదిలిపోయే భక్తుని వలె నన్ను నమ్మి నావెంట వచ్చావు. నీ నమ్మకం వ్యర్ధంకాదు. ఇక్కడికి మన ఆశ్రమం కొన్ని వందల మైళ్ళ దూరంలో ఉన్నది. స్నానం చేసి దేవతార్చన చేయవలసిన సమయం సమీపించింది. మామూలుగా నడచి వెళ్ళటం, అశ్వవృషభాదివాహనాల మీద వెళ్ళటం ఈ అడవులలో కుదరదు. చేయి పట్టుకొని కండ్లు మూసుకో అన్నాడు కాళీయోగి. ఆమె ఇలా అన్నది "స్వామీ! నే నిప్పుడు మార్జాలకిశోర స్థితిలో ఉన్నాను. నేను మీ చేయిపట్టుకొంటే మర్కట కిశోర న్యాయమవుతుంది. మీరే నాచేయిపట్టుకుంటే నాకు ధైర్యం ఎందుకంటే మీరు చెప్పిన దాన్నిబట్టి ఏగాలిలోనో తేలుతూపోతే నేను గట్టిగా మిమ్ముపట్టుకోలేక పోతే నేనే అఖాతంలోనో పడి పోతాను. దిక్కులేని దానిని, మీరే దిక్కని నమ్మి వచ్చాను".

కాళీయోగి కొంచెం ఆశ్చర్యంగా ఆమె వైపు చూచి, చిరునవ్వు నవ్వి 'అలాగే' అంటూ ఆమె చెయ్యిపట్టుకొని "యోగేశ్వరీ! మనందరికీ దిక్కు కాళీదేవియే. నీకే ఆపదా రాదు”. అన్నాడు. ఆమె "స్వామి! మీ రనుగ్రహిస్తే ఒక అభ్యర్ధన, కండ్లు మూసుకోమని అన్నారు కండ్లు తెరచి మీ వేగాతి వేగగమనాన్ని చూడాలని కోరికగా ఉన్నది. మీరు నా చేయి పట్టుకున్నారు కనుక నాకే ప్రమాదం రాదని ధైర్యంగా ఉన్నది అన్నది. యోగి ఇలా అన్నారు "అమ్మా చిన్నతనంలో తల్లి చెయ్యిపట్టుకొని బిడ్డకు నడక నేర్పుతుంది. తరువాత తండ్రి చెయ్యి పట్టుకొని పాఠశాలకు తీసుకువెళ్తాడు. ఆపైన భర్త చెయ్యిపట్టుకొని జీవితంలో నడిపిస్తాడు. నీ విప్పుడు రెండవ దశలో ఉన్నావు పద".

( సశేషం ) 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. శివ సూత్రములు - 244 / Siva Sutras - 244 🌹 🍀. శివ ఆగమ తత్వశాస్త్రం యొక్క సూత్రములు 🍀 3వ భాగం - ఆణవోపాయ ✍️. ప్రసాద్‌ భరధ్వాజ

🌻 3-37. కరణశక్తిః స్వతో'నుభవత్ - 3 🌻

🌴. తన స్వంత అనుభవం నుండి, ప్రవీణుడైన యోగి తన కరణ శక్తిని లేదా ఇష్టానుసారంగా వాస్తవికతను కలిగించే, సృష్టించే లేదా వ్యక్తీకరించే శక్తిని గుర్తిస్తాడు. 🌴

భగవానుడు మనకు భిన్నమైన వాడు కాదు. ఆయన విశ్వం యొక్క వ్యక్తిత్వం. అందులో మనం ఒక చిన్న భాగం మాత్రమే. దీన్ని అర్థం చేసుకున్న వాడు యోగి అవుతాడు. దాని పర్యవసానంగా అతను భగవంతుని శక్తులను కూడా పొందుతాడు. భగవంతుడిలా కనిపిస్తూనే ఉంటాడు. వ్యక్తిగత చైతన్యం భగవంతుని చైతన్య క్షేత్రంలోకి ప్రవేశించినప్పుడు, యోగి సహజంగా భగవంతుని శక్తిని పొందుతాడని ఈ సూత్రం చెబుతోంది. ఏళ్ల తరబడి గుహలో నివసించే వ్యక్తి గుహలోంచి బయటకు వచ్చి వెలుగు మహిమను అనుభవిస్తున్న స్థితిలా ఇది ఉంటుంది.

కొనసాగుతుంది… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹 Siva Sutras  - 244 🌹 🍀Aphorisms of philosophy of Shiva āgama 🍀 Part 3 - āṇavopāya ✍️. Acharya Ravi Sarma, 📚. Prasad Bharadwaj

🌻 3-37. karanaśaktih svato'nubhavāt - 3 🌻

🌴. From his own experience, the adept yogi realizes his kaarana shakti or the power to cause, create or manifest reality at will. . 🌴

Lord is not someone different from us. He is the personification of the universe, of which we are only a miniscule part. The one, who understands this, becomes a yogi and as a consequence of which he also derives the powers of the Lord. He continues to appear like the Lord. This aphorism says that when individual consciousness enters into the field of God consciousness, the yogi naturally educes the power of the Lord. It is like the state of a man living in a cave for years, comes out of the cave, and feels the grandeur of light.

Continues… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

[levis-little-nuggie]

nuggie character analysis rambles about normal mode chapter 37-12 dialogue

Jogging Lucifer’s Memory

MC goes into Lucifer’s room to find Asmo sitting snuggled up next to Lucifer showing him the photo album from when they were in the Celestial Realm. Lucifer calls out to MC saying “Hey, you there. Don’t stand there with your mouth hanging open. Do something.” To which, Asmo responds telling MC that this is always how Lucifer used to act in the CR when they were angels. We know Lucifer differently because being the Avatar of Pride, he puts on a “calm and reasonable” façade to exude what he thinks perfection looks like.

Lucifer: I’d like you to tell me about my other brothers.

I’m the oldest and the second oldest is … Mammon, I believe? What’s Mammon like?

All he cares about is money

Lucifer: I see. Well he’s the Avatar of Greed, isn’t he? I suppose it makes sense.

He’s innocent and genuine

Lucifer: Innocent and genuine… and you’re telling me he’s a demon?

Also, intimacy +1 for Mammon

What about the third-oldest, Levi. What’s he like?

He’s a super-annoying otaku

Lucifer: Hmm, doesn’t sound like he’d make a good demon at all...

He’s shy and very unique

Lucifer: Sounds like it will take some time to break the ice and get him to open up, then.

Also, intimacy +1 for Levi

All right, what’s your impression of Satan?

He’s your alter ego

Lucifer: My alter ego… What’s that supposed to mean?

He’s a very learned member of the demon elite

Lucifer: Hmph. So compared to others, he’s fairly normal, then.

Also, intimacy +1 for Satan

Next is Asmodeus… That would be the one who was just in here…

He’s a club-hopping narcissist

Lucifer: Yes, I could tell that much.

He’s alluring and the personification of beauty

Lucifer: Hmm… So that’s the sort of guy you go for, is it?

Also, intimacy +1 for Asmo

Now, on to Beelzebub. What about him?

He’s always hungry, and he’ll eat anything.

Lucifer: ...Certainly that doesn’t include other demons as well, does it? Because I have no interest in being eaten.

He’s kind, strong, and has a healthy appetite

Lucifer: I see. So he’s a meathead, then.

Also, intimacy +1 for Beel

Now, how about the youngest, Belphie? What’s he like?

He’s lazy and has no energy

Lucifer: I see, Well he sounds pretty harmless.

He’s clever, and you can always count on him.

Lucifer: Hmph. Taken a special liking to him, have you?

Also, intimacy +1 for Belphie

Regardless of your choices, at the end, Lucifer follows up with

“...I guess that covers everyone. Sounds like quite the variety of strong and unique personalities.”

I found this bit of dialogue interesting because I believe it reflects the fandom’s attitude towards the brothers. There are times where we see people say that some of us care too much about these boys and see depth in their characterizations when in (their) reality, Beelzebub is just a meathead.

However, if you choose all the #1 options, you haven’t learned anything about these boys through playing the game. I realize that Solmare tends to forget the depth behind their own characters, but that doesn’t mean we have to as well. Satan is more than just the cat-loving bookworm. Levi is more than just a weeb. Beel is more than just a hungry jock.

Sure, you can keep going playing the game thinking Belphie is just really lazy and spoiled, Mammon is just a greedy scumbag, and Asmo is narcissistic and materialistic as anyone can be, but you’d be missing out on all the juicy depth and character arcs that provide substantial comfort to the rest of us.

I realize that I, myself, haven't really gotten into posting about character analysis and that is something I enjoy, I couldn't help myself to make a post when I noticed the difference in MC's dialogue options when offered the opportunity to tell Lucifer about his brothers.

[obeyme-and-you]

MC The Lamb Part 5

MC’s relationship with Belphegor 

Spoilers for chapter 16 and a very vague spoiler for chapters 36/37 (I say vague because I didn’t explicitly spoiler anything, but there is an implication for what happened)

Gabriel is italics

Kimimela is Bold

MC’s Disciples

(The information used to explain the disciples was taken from this website https://www.britannica.com/topic/Apostle)

(Some of these Disciples don’t have much information about them or at all in some cases but they will be briefly mentioned for comparison sake still)

Fyi, even though 90% of the disciples are martyrs, and I do make jokes about them dying, I do not believe everyone is just gonna die, and I do believe that any character that may die, will come back.

Judas Iscariot and Belphegor

Arguably the most important for both stories, right after JesusMC of course

NOTE: This one’s going to talk about MC’s death and mentions of grief, and self destructive thoughts from Belphegor after he killed MC. If you don’t want to read that, please skip it, I’d rather no one reads it than it be a potential trigger for anyone.

Judas-  known for being the cause of Jesus’s death, he was given 30 silver to tell the whereabouts of Jesus, Kissed Jesus and called him Master in order to betray which one was Jesus, killed himself afterwards, different beliefs believe different things about Judas, one says he lied to protect him, one he looked like Jesus and died instead, and in the Gospel of Judas (something found in the 70’s and published in ‘06) says he was a collaborator and Jesus pulled him aside to tell him what needed to happen and had Judas report him to the authorities

Fun fact! Judas betrayed Jesus for about $600! Judas was cheap bitch

Belphegor- He killed MC. He was the reason why MC died, and he did it for less than 600 bucks, which means he’s an even cheaper bitch than Judas. Judas is probably the most important of the disciples because without him, Jesus never would have died, which means Jesus would’ve never gone to hell, never would’ve come back, and never come back again. Without his death, his story would be obsolete in Christianity. Which means in turn, if Belphegor never killed MC, a lot would’ve changed. MC would’ve never come back and be in theory immortal, wouldn’t have set off the chain of events that have caused the events happening in the later chapters (the 30’s, mainly 36 and 37). Him killing MC is going to one of the biggest things a lot of the future chapters are going to be reliant on. He has caused the events that will eventually unfold (yes I know it was Diavolo’s plan but he knew Belphegor had to kill MC in order for the events to happen).

In terms of betrayal, while Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss, Belphegor betrayed MC with a hug (if ya pick that option obviously). So, instead of using the phrase “a Judas kiss” when talking about a traitorous action that’s disguised as affection, I petition using “a Belphie hug” if it comes up again instead :).

After Belphegor kills MC, to me it feels very much like he starts to realize the significance of what he’s done. How he acts, and what he says, to me, sounds almost self destructive, it sounds like he’s almost egging the brothers on, trying to get them to attack him. It feels like he realized what he did and almost wanted one of them to take it out on him. He loves his brothers, and him seeing them hurting so greatly because of what he did to MC? He realized he made a very big mistake, and after not being able to deal with Lilith’s death for thousands of years? After he blamed himself for thousands of years for the death of his sister and the pain his brothers felt because of her death? He realized he hurt his brothers all over again, and I think he wanted one of them to attack him. So, while he isn’t exactly the same in Judas in this situation, he did show, in my personal opinion, some actions that suggest some self destructive actions. 

Judas Iscariot and Belphegor comparison 

Judas felt a lot of guilt for what he did, and Belphegor did too.

Now, it is important to note that the story of Judas is different based on different bibles and also religions. In at least the West, the one most people are aware of is the one described already, the others bring up some interesting points though. The reason why I included them, is because it is possible that they may come up again. Belphegor has already proven to not care about Diavolo and is 100% willing to go against his command if he doesn’t agree with it, that’s why he got stuck in the attic by Lucifer. Not to mention the fact that his brothers have said how he’s the mysterious one out of all of them, because no one can ever tell what’s going on in his head. No one ever knows what he’s thinking or planning when he is planning something, not even Beelzebub. If any one of the brothers would go against Diavolo’s plan for MC, whatever it may be, it would be him. All of the brothers love MC, but they haven’t been shown to go against Diavolo’s orders, and while I do believe they would do anything to protect MC, I feel like Belphegor is the most willing to lie to or even take the blame for MC, if it means keeping MC safe. Judas is a character that is difficult to completely pinpoint, just like Belphegor. 

But, that being said, If they include one of these alternate options later, I think it’s going to be the last one mentioned. There’s a few reasons for this.

First, as previously mentioned, none of the brothers can ever figure out what he’s thinking about. It’s obvious that all the brothers love MC and they all show it, but he would be the one to get away with lying about it the easiest. And, it was mentioned during the Leviathan vs MC TSL battle, that Diavolo knows when someone is lying, so if it came down to it, he wouldn’t be able to lie to him. The fact that no one knows what goes on in his head, would mean he could convince Diavolo that he wanted to do it, and also his brothers. They love him, but if any of them could convince the others that he wanted to betray MC, it would be the one who already did it once before.

Secondly, if any of the brothers could be convinced to throw MC under the bus because MC told them too, it would be him. All of the others wouldn’t be able to do it, they would put their love for MC in the way, which would stop them from doing something that could potentially harm MC, even if it was the only way for them to win. I don’t think it’d be easy to convince him, and it would probably hurt him a lot, but I do think he would do it with enough conviction. 

Thirdly, he is the only one that could keep it a secret from the others. The others are too open books for each other, too easy to see their intentions, too easy to see when they lie to each other. 

Finally, he is the only one who wouldn’t confront Diavolo about it immediately or even go through with the plan. Lucifer would try and do what he can to keep the others safe so he would say something. Mammon would do anything to keep MC safe, no matter the cost. Leviathan would refuse to do any plan like that. Satan would try to find another way, and get angry at MC for suggesting it. Asmodeus wouldn’t be able to go through with it even MC did manage to convince him. Beelzebub has already stood up to Lucifer to protect MC and Belphegor, he stood up to Diavolo to protect Belphegor, why wouldn’t he try again to protect MC? Belphegor is the only one who could do it, the only one who could be convinced, the only one willing to betray MC to keep MC safe. (There is very much the possibility in his head that he OWES MC to do it)

Jesus Christ that was a lot, alrighty what’s next? Ah yes! MC the healer of broken hearts, or something.

PREVIOUS: MC The Lamb Part 4 / NEXT: MC The Lamb Part 6

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

An OM Question that's been bugging me since chapter...*goes to look*...37

What are Fae's weaknesses?

Pure solid iron

[old-hyper-super-clover]

100 Follower Q&A special

Hey there! So as announced, I'm holding a Q&A to celebrate. I'd love to interact more with all of you, so I thought this might be a good way to start that.

I also thought it might be interesting to find out more about the MCs Clover and Violet, so you can ask them stuff, too! Ask anything you want, or pick as many numbers as you'd like from this list below (and simply add whom you're addressing with the question!)

FOR ME:

GENERAL:

1. What got you into writing?

2. Why did you start this blog?

3. Your favourite anime?

4. Your all-time favourite anime character?

5. How did you come up with your blog's name?

6. How did you come up with your MC's name?

7. What genre do you enjoy writing the most?

8. Where do you live?

9. When's your birthday?

10. Which of your writings are you most proud of?

11. What things (stories, drawings, ...) are you currently working on?

-

OBEY ME THEMED:

12. Your favourite character(s)?

13. Your favourite card(s)?

14. Your favourite event?

15. Your favourite costume?

16. Your favourite main story chapter?

17. Your favourite obey me song?

18. Your favourite Devilgram story?

19. Your favourite OM voice actor?

20. What do you think of [anything OM related]

21. What got you into obey me?

22. Hand in your Obey Me ID, NOW

-

FOR ME AND/OR CLOVER AND/OR VIOLET:

23. Your favourite food?

24. Your favourite colour?

25. Your favourite band/ group/ singer?

26. Your favourite season?

27. Your favourite instrument?

28. Your favourite meme?

29. Your favourite video game?

30. Your favourite flower?

31. Your favourite genre of books?

32. What is your dream job?

33. What languages do you speak?

34. What would be a perfect date for you?

35. What do you like most about nature?

36. What's a big turn on in your opinion?

37. What's one insecurity you have?

38. What's one thing you're good at?

39. What's one thing you'd like to be better at?

40. What's something you own that's important to you?

41. Do you keep a journal?

42. Do you have any special/ weird talents?

43. Do you collect anything?

44. Do you have any phobias?

45. Do you have pets?

46. Describe a fond/ happy memory

47. Give us a cute/ funny childhood story

48. Give us a (random but nice) piece of advice

49. Tell us a scary/ weird story!

50. Hit us with a biology fun fact!

-

FOR CLOVER AND/OR VIOLET:

51. Whom are they (best) friends with?

52. Are they crushing on/ in a relationship with anyone?

53. Have they ever fought with any of the canon characters?

54. What was their first impression on the Devildom?

55. If they were anything else than a human, what would they be?

56. If they were a demon, would they have a tail or wings?

57. “Clover!/ Violet! Expose the other by telling a funny story about them!”

-

DOODLE REQUESTS:

(probably rather crappy but I liked the idea)

58. Different hairstyles for the MCs

59. Aesthetic change for the MCs

60.MCs in the official outfit set [XY]

61. MC(s) with character [XY]

62.Them but in [insert Outfit]

63.Their demon forms

[Please keep in mind, the doodles will take longer, I'll post them as soon as I get to draw them (´ ∀ ` *)]

[nordic-language-love]

Language Learning Log 2021 - Week 8 (15.02 - 21.02)

Norwegian

Wrote 1.5x journal entries

italki session (45 mins)

Langblr wotd challenge x4

Mysteriet om Nils ch 36 exercises + ch 37 reading

Japanese

Duolingo: Katakana 1, 2 & 3, Position

Watched JFZ videos + read through ch 9

Played Final Fantasy XII with Japanese audio

Norwegian

I pretty much hit none of my goals for this week and didn’t really engage with the language as much as I normally do at all. Not for lack of wanting to! I’ve just been struggling with severe executive dysfunction this week. Like normally my day will be like: get dressed, tidy bedroom, light a candle, get cracking with the day’s tasks. This week it’s been like: stare at wall for 30 minutes bc I can’t decide what clothes to wear, open wardrobe, retrieve one item of clothing, sit on bed, open drawer, retrieve another item of clothing, take off pyjamas... with like 10 minutes between each step. So by the time I’m actually dressed I have neither the time nor energy to do the things I wanted to do.

Hopefully this week I’ll be a bit more productive! I’ll set my goals a bit lower and be a bit more flexible and see how I go.

Last week’s goals

Mysteriet om Nils ch 36 exercises [7/7] ✅

Read 3x articles + note new vocabulary for each one [0/3] ❌

Watch 1x Mummidalen episode [0/1] ❌

Listen to 2x podcasts [0.5/2] ❌

Catch up on langblrwotdchallenge + write something for each day [4/9] ❌

Write a book review for Blood of Elves [0/300 words] ❌

This week’s goals

Watch 4x TV shows/news broadcasts

Revise/edit vocab lists from last month

Listen to 1x podcast

Catch up on langblrwotdchallenge + write something for each day

Write a book review for Blood of Elves

Japanese

I started playing Final Fantasy XII this week and I realised I could have the audio in Japanese, so that’s what I did! I don’t really understand any of it, but I can pick out a handful of words here and there (mostly things like this, that, what, not, yes and no, but also west, wood, brother and a few numbers), and I’ve learned the word 帝国 (ていこく - empire - very useful I know lol) as well as got to grips a bit more with the different ways to say ‘I’ (it’s interesting to hear which version the characters use!)

(Random side note: it’s also interesting hearing the difference between the voice acting in the Japanese version compared to the English. Some characters feel completely different and I like them more. They sound like real people in the Japanese version lol)

As with Norwegian, I’ve not engaged with the language as much as I normally do due to executive dysfunction and I’ve done no kanji/writing practice at all. But playing FFXII is helping to restore some of my drive, and it’s great that I can engage with Japanese while doing it!

Last week’s goals

JFZ chapter 9 videos + grammar ✅

Learn 5 new kanji [0/5] ❌

Duolingo: Position skill [8/8] ✅

Watch 1x Pokémon episode [0/1] ❌

This week’s goals

JFZ chapter 9 exercises

Learn 6 new kanji (3x food-related, 3x verbs)

Continue playing Final Fantasy

Productivity

As previously stated, it’s been a hell of an “executive dysfunction” week, but looking at this I’m really pleased with how much exercise I’ve been doing. Maybe that accounts for some of it? I think there were three days this week where I exercised for two hours. Which is good! I’m glad I’m getting back into it and I like how much stronger I’m feeling. But maybe the executive dysfunction is in part because I’m physically tired too. And hey, I can’t spend all my waking hours exercises and studying and doing housework. This week I’ll try to strike more of a balance.

Last week’s goals

Stretch on at least 4 days [6/4] ✅

Train pole/hoop on at least 2 days [2/2] ✅

Do some form of writing on at least 2 days [2/2] ✅

Read 150 pages of Time of Contempt [84/150] ❌

Work out at home on at least 2 days [2/2] ✅

This week’s goals

Stretch on at least 4 days

Train pole/hoop on at least 2 days

Do something creative on at least 1 day

Finish Time of Contempt

[kosegruppaa]

📚 7, 10, 22, 36, and 37

hi kerry thanks for indulging me <3 (i fully went and got a bit drunk in the mean time  😬) 

7. what book made you cry?

most things will make me cry if it’s the right day, but three books i know made me cry were red, white and royal blue (do not remember why?), superior by angela saini (i cried a bit at the very end, it was just very.. powerful?) and i cried A LOT reading eg snakkar om det heile tida by camara lundestad joof (’i talk about it all the time’, a personal essay/non-fiction about race & racism that was absolutely heartbreaking but also the most beautiful and effective writing i’ve read all year). 

10. what book was better than you expected it to be?

i guess eg snakkar om det heile tida, because i didn’t know a 100 page essay could be that good. also the graphic novel frida kahlo by vanna vinci. it was just incredibly well made! 

22. best fiction?

either my year of rest and relaxation (by ottessa moshfegh). too relatable in some aspects, and also just very interesting premise to read and then think about. or this is how you lose the time war (by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone), which i absolutely fell in love with, i also want to write beautiful love letters to my time travelling warrior girlfriend like. the longing!! the absolutely captivating writing style. i wanted to live in that novella. 

36. what books did you dnf?

hmm, i don’t think i started any books i don’t at least plan on finishing. i read the first chapter of crmie and punishment, but never continued, but i do plan to read it next year. also currently in the middle of some books that are collections (one short story collection, one poetry collection and one essay collection to be exact) that i plan to finish next year, i just didn’t bring them with me to where i’ve spent christmas and new year. 

37. what book did you relate to the most?

my year of rest and relaxation. (no further comments 😬)

[mywritingprogress-blog]

31 01 2019

16:37

today was a horrible day, the only thing that made my day better was this book. i currently have two chapters, but i gotta admit: i found them in my laptop. i forgot about how passionate i was whilst writing this book, i really loved the concept. i still do. i found a couple more stories but this one will be project number one.

PROJECT NUMBER ONE - MINERVA 

i have a lot of scenes already, now i just have to tie them together. this is going to be an emotional process. love it. now it’s time for chapter three. 

the first thing i do, is making my “chapter plan”. i write about the things i want to happen, without going in to detail. for me this is the best way to write a chapter! 

•

vandaag was een verschrikkelijke dag, het enige wat het beter maakte was dit boek. momenteel heb ik twee hoofdstukken, maar ik moet toegeven: ik vond ze op mijn laptop. ik was vergeten met hoeveel passie ik dit boek schreef, ik vond het concept erg leuk. nog steeds trouwens. ik vond nog wat andere verhalen, maar dit wordt project nummer één.

PROJECT NUMMER ÉÉN - MINERVA

ik heb al best wel veel scenes, nu moet ik ze alleen nog samenvoegen. dit gaat een emotioneel proces worden. ik hou ervan. nu is het tijd voor hoofdstuk drie.

het eerste wat ik doe, is het maken van een “hoofdstuk plan”. ik schrijf de dingen waarvan ik wil dat ze in het hoofdstuk gebeuren op, zonder de details. dit is voor mij de beste manier om een hoofdstuk te schrijven.

[chaitanyavijnanam]

విష్ణు సహస్ర నామ తత్వ విచారణ - 649 / Vishnu Sahasranama Contemplation - 649

🌹. విష్ణు సహస్ర నామ తత్వ విచారణ - 649 / Vishnu Sahasranama Contemplation - 649🌹 🌻649. కేశిహా, केशिहा, Keśihā🌻 ఓం కేశిఘ్నే నమః | ॐ केशिघ्ने नमः | OM Keśighne namaḥ కేశిహా, केशिहा, Keśihā

కేశినామానమసురమ్ హతవానితి కేశిహా

కేశి అను నామము గల అసురుని హతమార్చినందున కేశిహా అను నామము ఆ విష్ణుదేవునకు గలదు.

ఇంద్రుడినీ, వరుణుడిని సైతము మించినవాడు, శౌర్యానికి సముద్రము లాంటి వాడు అయిన కేశి అనే రక్కసుడు కంసుని ప్రోత్సాహముతో వారువమై అనగా అశ్వ రూపమున వాయువేగముతో నందుని మందలోకి ప్రవేశించి సంకటములు కలిగించినవాడు.

:: పోతన భాగవతము దశమ స్కంధము పూర్వ భాగము ::

క. నలినాక్షుఁడు లీలాగతి, విఅలయముఁ బొందించె నిట్లు వీరావేశిన్‍ బలలాశిన్ జగదభినవ, బలరాశిన్ విజితశక్రపాశిం గేశిన్‍. (1176)

వీరావేశం గలవాడు, మాంసాశనుడూ, లోకములో నూతనశక్తి రాశిగానున్నవాడు, ఇంద్రునీ, వరుణునీ జయించినవాడు అయిన కేశిని తామరరేకులవంటి కన్నులు గల శ్రీ కృష్ణుడు అలవోకగా అంతము నొందించినాడు.

సశేషం...

🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹. VISHNU SAHASRANAMA CONTEMPLATION- 649🌹 🌻649. Keśihā🌻 OM Keśighne namaḥ केशिनामानमसुरम् हतवानिति केशिहा / Keśināmānamasuram hatavāniti keśihā Since Lord Viṣṇu killed an asura by name Keśi, He is called Keśihā.

The demon Keśi, sent by Kamsa, appeared in Vraja as a great horse. Running with the speed of the mind, he tore up the earth with his hooves. The hairs of his mane scattered the clouds, and he terrified everyone present with his loud neighing.When the Lord Kr‌ṣṇa saw how the demon was frightening His village of Gokula by neighing terribly and shaking the clouds with his tail, the Lord came forward to meet him. Keśi was searching for Krishna to fight, so the Lord stood before him and challenged him to approach.

:: श्रीमद्भागवते दशमस्कन्धे पूर्वार्धे सप्तत्रिंशोऽध्यायः ::

समेधमानेन स कृष्णबाहुना निरुद्धवायुस्चरणंश्च विक्षिपन् । प्रस्विन्नगात्रः परिवृत्तलोचनः पपात लण्डं विसृजन्क्षितौ व्यसुः ॥ ७ ॥ तद्देहतः कर्कतिकाफलोपमाद्व्यसोरपाकृष्य भुजं महाभुजः । अविस्मितोऽयत्नहतारिकः सुरैः प्रसूनवर्षैर्वर्षद्भिरीडितः ॥ ८ ॥

Śrīmad Bhāgavata - Canto 10, Chapter 37

Samedhamānena sa kr‌ṣṇabāhunā niruddhavāyuscaraṇaṃśca vikṣipan, Prasvinnagātraḥ parivr‌ttalocanaḥ papāta laṇḍaṃ visr‌jankṣitau vyasuḥ. 7. Taddehataḥ karkatikāphalopamādvyasorapākr‌ṣya bhujaṃ mahābhujaḥ, Avismito’yatnahatārikaḥ suraiḥ prasūnavarṣairvarṣadbhirīḍitaḥ. 8.

As Lord Kr‌ṣṇa's expanding arm completely blocked Keśi's breathing, his legs kicked convulsively, his body became covered with sweat, and his eyes rolled around. The demon then passed stool and fell on the ground, dead.

The mighty-armed Kr‌ṣṇa withdrew His arm from Keśi's body, which now appeared like a long karkatika fruit. Without the least display of pride at having so effortlessly killed His enemy, the Lord accepted the worship of gods in the form of flowers rained down from above.

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

Source Sloka

कालनेमिनिहा वीरश्शौरिश्शूरजनेश्वरः ।त्रिलोकात्मा त्रिलोकेशः केशवः केशिहा हरिः ॥ ६९ ॥

కాలనేమినిహా వీరశ్శౌరిశ్శూరజనేశ్వరః ।త్రిలోకాత్మా త్రిలోకేశః కేశవః కేశిహా హరిః ॥ 69 ॥

Kālaneminihā vīraśśauriśśūrajaneśvaraḥ,Trilokātmā trilokeśaḥ keśavaḥ keśihā hariḥ ॥ 69 ॥

Continues....

🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹🌹

[dailybhakthimessages]

🌹 14, MAY 2023 SUNDAY ALL MESSAGES ఆదివారం, భాను వాసర సందేశాలు 🌹

🍀🌹 14, MAY 2023 SUNDAY ALL MESSAGES ఆదివారం, భాను వాసర సందేశాలు 🌹🍀 1) 🌹 14, MAY 2023 SUNDAY ఆదివారం, భాను వాసరే, నిత్య పంచాంగము Daily Panchangam🌹 🌹. హనుమాన్‌ జయంతి శుభాకాంక్షలు అందరికి, Good Wishes on Hanuman Jayanti to All. 🌹 - ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ 2) 🌹. శ్రీమద్భగవద్గీత - 370 / Bhagavad-Gita - 370 🌹 🌴 9వ అధ్యాయము - రాజవిద్యా రాజగుహ్య యోగం / Chapter 9 - Raja Vidya Raja Guhya Yoga - 32 వ శ్లోకము 🌴 4) 🌹. శ్రీ మదగ్ని మహాపురాణము - 217 / Agni Maha Purana - 217 🌹 🌻. కూపవాపీతటాకాది ప్రతిష్ఠా కథనము. - 1 / Mode of consecration of tanks and ponds (kūpa-pratiṣṭhā) - 1 🌻 4) 🌹. నిత్య ప్రజ్ఞా సందేశములు - 082 / DAILY WISDOM - 082 🌹 🌻 22. వేదం మొత్తం 'ఓం' లోపల ఉంది / 22. The Whole of the Veda is Inside “Om” 🌻 5) 🌹. నిర్మల ధ్యానాలు - ఓషో - 347 🌹 6) 🌹. శివ సూత్రములు - 84 / Siva Sutras - 84 🌹 🌻 2-03. విద్య శరీర సత్త మంత్రం రహస్యం - 4 / 2-03. Vidyā śarīra sattā mantra rahasyam - 4 🌻

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹 14, మే, May 2023 పంచాగము - Panchagam 🌹 శుభ ఆదివారం, Sunday, భాను వాసరే 🍀. హనుమాన్‌ జయంతి శుభాకాంక్షలు అందరికి, Good Wishes on Hanuman Jayanti to All. 🍀 మనందరికి ఈ రోజు కాలము, ప్రకృతి అనుకూలించాలి అని పరమాత్మని స్మరిస్తూ - ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ

🌻. పండుగలు మరియు పర్వదినాలు : హనుమాన్‌ జయంతి, Hanuman Jayanti 🌻

🍀. శ్రీ హనుమ స్తోత్రం 🍀

హనుమానంజనానూను: వాయుపుత్రోమహాబలః రామేష్ఠ: ఫల్గుణసఖః పింగాక్షో: అమిత విక్రమః ఉదధిక్రమణశ్చైవ సీతాశోక వినాశకః లక్ష్మణప్రాణదాతాచ దశగ్రీవస్య దర్పహా ద్వాదశైతాని నామాని కపీంద్రస్య మహాత్మనః స్వాపకాలే పఠేన్నిత్యం యాత్రాకాలే విశేషతః తస్యమృత్యుభయం నాస్తి సర్వత్ర విజయీభవేత్

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

🍀. నేటి సూక్తి : ఆధ్యాత్మిక సంసిద్ధి - ఆధ్యాత్మిక సంసిద్ధికి రెండు పరస్పర విభిన్న రూపాలున్నాయి. ఒక దాని యందు సాధకుడు నామరూపాత్మకమైన సమస్త జగత్తు నుండి ఉపరమించి తనలోని ఈశ్వరతత్త్వమందు లీనమవుతాడు. రెండవదాని యందు అతడు సమస్త జగత్తులోనూ ఆత్మదర్శనమూ, ఈశ్వరదర్శనమూ చేస్తూ తద్ద్వారా విశ్వాత్మకతను అందుకుంటాడు. 🍀

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

విక్రమ: 2080 నల, శఖ: 1945 శోభన కలియుగాబ్ది : 5124, శోభకృత్, వసంత ఋతువు, ఉత్తరాయణం, వైశాఖ మాసం తిథి: కృష్ణ దశమి 26:47:30 వరకు తదుపరి కృష్ణ ఏకాదశి నక్షత్రం: శతభిషం 10:16:52 వరకు తదుపరి పూర్వాభద్రపద యోగం: ఇంద్ర 06:35:51 వరకు తదుపరి వైధృతి కరణం: వణిజ 15:45:18 వరకు వర్జ్యం: 16:22:08 - 17:53:40 దుర్ముహూర్తం: 16:56:56 - 17:48:39 రాహు కాలం: 17:03:24 - 18:40:23 గుళిక కాలం: 15:26:26 - 17:03:24 యమ గండం: 12:12:29 - 13:49:27 అభిజిత్ ముహూర్తం: 11:47 - 12:37 అమృత కాలం: 03:28:00 - 04:58:40 మరియు 25:31:20 - 27:02:52 సూర్యోదయం: 05:44:34 సూర్యాస్తమయం: 18:40:23 చంద్రోదయం: 01:56:45 చంద్రాస్తమయం: 13:52:27 సూర్య సంచార రాశి: మేషం చంద్ర సంచార రాశి: కుంభం యోగాలు: రాక్షస యోగం - మిత్ర కలహం 10:16:52 వరకు తదుపరి చర యోగం

దుర్వార్త శ్రవణం దిశ శూల: పశ్చిమం ✍️. శ్రీ వక్కంతం చంద్రమౌళి

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

🍀. నిత్య ప్రార్థన 🍀 వక్రతుండ మహాకాయ సూర్యకోటి సమప్రభ నిర్విఘ్నంకురుమేదేవ సర్వకార్యేషు సర్వదా యశ్శివో నామ రూపాభ్యాం యాదేవీ సర్వ మంగళా తయో సంస్మరణాత్పుంసాం సర్వతో జయ మంగళం తదేవ లగ్నం సుదినం తదేవ తారాబలం చంద్రబలం తదేవ విద్యాబలం దైవబలం తదేవ లక్ష్మీపతే తేంఘ్రి యుగం స్మరామి. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. హనుమాన్‌ జయంతి శుభాకాంక్షలు అందరికి, Good Wishes on Hanuman Jayanti to All. 🌹 - ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ

🪷. శ్రీ హనుమత్ కవ���ం 🪷

అస్య శ్రీ హనుమత్ కవచస్తోత్రమహామంత్రస్య వసిష్ఠ ఋషిః అనుష్టుప్ ఛందః శ్రీ హనుమాన్ దేవతా మారుతాత్మజ ఇతి బీజం అంజనాసూనురితి శక్తిః వాయుపుత్ర ఇతి కీలకం హనుమత్ప్రసాద సిద్ధ్యర్థే జపే వినియోగః

ఉల్లంఘ్య సింధోస్సలిలం సలీలం యశ్శోకవహ్నిం జనకాత్మజాయాః | ఆదాయ తేనైవ దదాహ లంకాం నమామి తం ప్రాంజలిరాంజనేయమ్ ౧

మనోజవం మారుతతుల్యవేగం జితేంద్రియం బుద్ధిమతాం వరిష్ఠమ్ | వాతాత్మజం వానరయూథముఖ్యం శ్రీరామదూతం శిరసా నమామి ౨

ఉద్యదాదిత్య సంకాశం ఉదారభుజ విక్రమమ్ | కందర్పకోటిలావణ్యం సర్వవిద్యావిశారదమ్ ౩

శ్రీరామహృదయానందం భక్తకల్పమహీరుహమ్ | అభయం వరదం దోర్భ్యాం కలయే మారుతాత్మజమ్ ౪

శ్రీరామ రామ రామేతి రమే రామే మనోరమే | సహస్రనామ తత్తుల్యం రామనామ వరాననే ౫

పాదౌ వాయుసుతః పాతు రామదూతస్తదంగుళీః | గుల్ఫౌ హరీశ్వరః పాతు జంఘే చార్ణవలంఘనః ౬

జానునీ మారుతిః పాతు ఊరూ పాత్వసురాంతకః | గుహ్యం వజ్రతనుః పాతు జఘనం తు జగద్ధితః ౭

ఆంజనేయః కటిం పాతు నాభిం సౌమిత్రిజీవనః | ఉదరం పాతు హృద్గేహీ హృదయం చ మహాబలః ౮

వక్షో వాలాయుధః పాతు స్తనౌ చాఽమితవిక్రమః | పార్శ్వౌ జితేంద్రియః పాతు బాహూ సుగ్రీవమంత్రకృత్ ౯

కరావక్ష జయీ పాతు హనుమాంశ్చ తదంగుళీః | పృష్ఠం భవిష్యద్ర్బహ్మా చ స్కంధౌ మతి మతాం వరః ౧౦

కంఠం పాతు కపిశ్రేష్ఠో ముఖం రావణదర్పహా | వక్త్రం చ వక్తృప్రవణో నేత్రే దేవగణస్తుతః ౧౧

బ్రహ్మాస్త్రసన్మానకరో భ్రువౌ మే పాతు సర్వదా | కామరూపః కపోలే మే ఫాలం వజ్రనఖోఽవతు ౧౨

శిరో మే పాతు సతతం జానకీశోకనాశనః | శ్రీరామభక్తప్రవరః పాతు సర్వకళేబరమ్ ౧౩

మామహ్ని పాతు సర్వజ్ఞః పాతు రాత్రౌ మహాయశాః | వివస్వదంతేవాసీ చ సంధ్యయోః పాతు సర్వదా ౧౪

బ్రహ్మాదిదేవతాదత్తవరః పాతు నిరంతరమ్ | య ఇదం కవచం నిత్యం పఠేచ్చ శృణుయాన్నరః ౧౫

దీర్ఘమాయురవాప్నోతి బలం దృష్టిం చ విందతి | పాదాక్రాంతా భవిష్యంతి పఠతస్తస్య శత్రవః | స్థిరాం సుకీర్తిమారోగ్యం లభతే శాశ్వతం సుఖమ్ ౧౬

ఇతి నిగదితవాక్యవృత్త తుభ్యం సకలమపి స్వయమాంజనేయ వృత్తమ్ | అపి నిజజనరక్షణైకదీక్షో వశగ తదీయ మహామనుప్రభావః ౧౭

ఇతి శ్రీ హనుమత్ కవచమ్ || 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. శ్రీమద్భగవద్గీత - 370 / Bhagavad-Gita - 370 🌹 ✍️. శ్రీ ప్రభుపాద, 📚. ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ

🌴. 9వ అధ్యాయము - రాజవిద్యా రాజగుహ్య యోగం - 32 🌴

32. మాం హి పార్థా వ్యపాశ్రిత్య యేపి స్యు: పాపయోనయ: | స్త్రియో వైశ్యస్తథా శూద్రాస్తేపి యాన్తి పరాం గతిమ్ ||

🌷. తాత్పర్యం : ఓ పార్థా! నా శరణుజొచ్చువారు అధమజన్ములైన స్త్రీలు, వైశ్యులు, శూద్రులు అయినప్పటికిని పరమగతిని పొందగలరు.

🌷. భాష్యము : భక్తిలో ఉచ్చ, నీచ జనుల నడుమ భేదభావము ఉండదని శ్రీకృష్ణభగవానుడు ఇచ్చట స్పష్టముగా ప్రకటించుచున్నాడు. భౌతికభావనము నందున్నప్పుడు అట్టి విభాగములు ఉండవచ్చును గాని భగవానుని భక్తియుతసేవ యందు నియుక్తుడైనవానికి అట్టివి ఉండవు. ప్రతియొక్కరు పరమగతిని పొందుటకు అర్హులై యున్నారు. చండాలురు (శునకమాంసము భుజించువారు) యని పిలువబడు అతినీచతరగతికి చెందినవారు సైతము శుద్ధభక్తుని సంగములో పవిత్రులు కాగలరని శ్రీమద్భాగవతము (2.4.18) తెలుపుచున్నది. భక్తియోగము మరియు భక్తుల మార్గదర్శనము అనునవి అత్యంత శక్తివంతమగుటచే ఉచ్చ, నీచ తరగతి జనుల నడుమ భేదభావమును కలిగియుండవు. ఎవ్వరైనను అట్టి భక్తుని స్వీకరింపవచ్చును. అతిసామాన్యుడు సైతము భక్తుని శరణము నొందినచో చక్కని మార్గదర్శనముచే పవిత్రుడు కాగలడు.

వాస్తవమునకు గుణముల ననుసరించి మనుజులు సత్త్వగుణప్రధానులని (బ్రాహ్మణులు), రజోగుణప్రధానులని (క్షత్రియులు), రజస్తమోగుణ ప్రధానులని (వైశ్యులు), తమోగుణప్రదానులని (శూద్రులు) నాలుగు తరగతులుగా విభజింపబడిరి. ఈ నాలుగు తరగతుల కన్నను నీచమైనవారు పాపయోనులైన చండాలురు. సాధారణముగా అట్టి పాపజన్ముల సాంగత్యమును ఉన్నత తరగతికి చెందినవారు అంగీకరింపరు. కాని భక్తియోగము అత్యంత శక్తివంతమైనదగుటచే శుద్ధభక్తుడు సమస్త నీచజనులు సైతము అత్యున్నత జీవనపూర్ణత్వమును బడయునట్లుగా చేయగలడు. శ్రీకృష్ణభగవానుని శరణుజొచ్చుట ద్వారానే అది సాధ్యము కాగలదు. కనుకనే “వ్యపాశ్రిత్య” యను పదముచే సూచింపబడినట్లు ప్రతియొక్కరు శ్రీకృష్ణుని సంపూర్ణ శరణాగతిని పొందవలెను. అంతట మనుజుడు ఘనులైన జ్ఞానులు, యోగుల కన్నను అత్యంత ఘనుడు కాగలడు. 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹 Bhagavad-Gita as It is - 370 🌹 ✍️ Sri Prabhupada, 📚 Prasad Bharadwaj

🌴 Chapter 9 - Raja Vidya Raja Guhya Yoga - 32 🌴

32. māṁ hi pārtha vyapāśritya ye ’pi syuḥ pāpa-yonayaḥ striyo vaiśyās tathā śūdrās te ’pi yānti parāṁ gatim

🌷 Translation : O son of Pṛthā, those who take shelter in Me, though they be of lower birth – women, vaiśyas [merchants] and śūdras [workers] – can attain the supreme destination.

🌹 Purport : It is clearly declared here by the Supreme Lord that in devotional service there is no distinction between the lower and higher classes of people. In the material conception of life there are such divisions, but for a person engaged in transcendental devotional service to the Lord there are not. Everyone is eligible for the supreme destination. In the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (2.4.18) it is stated that even the lowest, who are called caṇḍālas (dog-eaters), can be purified by association with a pure devotee. Therefore devotional service and the guidance of a pure devotee are so strong that there is no discrimination between the lower and higher classes of men; anyone can take to it. The most simple man taking shelter of the pure devotee can be purified by proper guidance.

According to the different modes of material nature, men are classified in the mode of goodness (brāhmaṇas), the mode of passion (kṣatriyas, or administrators), the mixed modes of passion and ignorance (vaiśyas, or merchants), and the mode of ignorance (śūdras, or workers). Those lower than them are called caṇḍālas, and they are born in sinful families. Generally, the association of those born in sinful families is not accepted by the higher classes. But the process of devotional service is so strong that the pure devotee of the Supreme Lord can enable people of all the lower classes to attain the highest perfection of life. This is possible only when one takes shelter of Kṛṣṇa. As indicated here by the word vyapāśritya, one has to take shelter completely of Kṛṣṇa. Then one can become much greater than great jñānīs and yogīs. 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. శ్రీ మదగ్ని మహాపురాణము - 217 / Agni Maha Purana - 217 🌹 ✍️. పుల్లెల శ్రీరామచంద్రుడు, 📚. ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ శ్రీ గణేశాయ నమః ఓం నమో భగవతే వాసుదేవాయ. ప్రథమ సంపుటము, అధ్యాయము - 64

🌻. కూపవాపీతటాకాది ప్రతిష్ఠా కథనము. - 1 🌻

హయగ్రీవుడు చెప్పెను:- బ్రహ్మదేవా! ఇపుడు కూపములు, దిగుడుబావులు, చెరువులు ప్రతిష్ఠచేయు విధిని చెప్పెదను; శ్రీహరియే జలరూపముచే దేవ శ్రేష్ఠుడైన సోముడుగాను, వరుణుడు గాను ఆయెను. ప్రపంచ మంతయు అగ్నిషోమమయము. జలరూపుడైన నారాయణుడు దానికి కారణము. బంగారముతో, లేదా వెండితో, లేదా రత్నములతో వరుణుని ప్రతిమ చేయించవలెను. వరుణదేవునకు రెండు భుజములతో, హంసారుఢుడై, నదులతోడను, కాలువలతోడను కూడియుండును. అతని కుడి చేతిలో అభయముద్రయు, ఎడమచేతిలో నాగపాశము ప్రకాశించుచుండును. యజ్ఞమండప మధ్యభాగమున కుండముతో ప్రకాశించు వేదిక నిర్మించి దాని తోరణమున పూర్వద్వారమున కమండలసహితముగా వరుణకలశము స్థాపింపవలెను, భద్రకమున (దక్షిణద్వారమున)ను, అర్ధచంద్రమునను (పశ్చిమద్వారముదను) స్వస్తికమునను (ఉత్తరద్వారమునను) వరుణగకలశములు స్థాపించవలెను. కుండమునందు అగ్న్యాధానము చేసి పూర్ణాహుతి ఇవ్వవలెను.

"యే తే శతం వరుణ" ఇత్యాదిమంత్రముతో స్నానపీఠముపై వరుణుని స్థాపింపవలెను. మూలమంత్రము నుచ్చరించుచు, ఆచార్యుడు, వరుణదేవతాప్రతిమకు ఘృతము పూయవలెను. "శం నో దేవీ" ఇత్యాదిమంత్రముతో ప్రక్షాళనముచేసి, "శుద్ధవాలః," "సర్వశుద్ధవాలః" ఇత్యాదిమంత్రములతో, పవిత్ర జలముచే స్నానము చేయించవలెను. పిమ్మట స్నానపీఠమునకు పూర్వాది దిక్కులందు కలశములను స్థాపించవలెను. తూర్పుననున్న కలశమున సముద్రజలము, అగ్నేయమున నున్న కలశమున గంగాజలము, దక్షిణ కలశమున వర్షాజలము, నైరృతికలశమున సెలయేరు నీరు, పశ్చిమకలశమున నదీజలము వాయవ్య కలశమున కొండకాలువ నీరు, ఉత్తరకలశమున కాలువల నీరు, ఈశాన్యకలశమున తీర్థజలములను ఉంచవలెను. ఈ వివిధజలములు లభించనిచో నదీజలమే ఉంచవలెను. ఈ అన్ని కలశములను "యాస���ం రాజా" ఇత్యాది మంత్రముచే అభిమంత్రించవలెను. విద్వాంసుడైన పురోహితుడు "సుమిత్రయా" ఇత్యాది మంత్రముతో మార్జననిర్మంథనములు చేయవలెను. "చిత్రం దేవానామ్‌" "తచ్చక్షుర్దేవహితమ్‌" అను మంత్రములతో తేనె, నెయ్యి పంచదార అను మధురత్రయముచే నేత్రములను తెరువలెనుః ఆ సువర్ణమయ వరుణ ప్రతిమపై జ్యోతిస్సును పూజించి ఆచార్యునకు గోదాన మీయవలెను.

సశేషం…. 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹 Agni Maha Purana - 217 🌹 *✍️ N. Gangadharan 📚. Prasad Bharadwaj *

Chapter 64 🌻Mode of consecration of tanks and ponds (kūpa-pratiṣṭhā) - 1 🌻

The Lord said:

l. I shall describe the (mode of) consecration of wells, tanks and ponds [i.e., kūpa, kūpaka]. Listen! Lord Hari (Viṣṇu) as Soma and excellent Varuṇa remains in the form of water.

The universe is permeated by fire and water. Viṣṇu in the form of water is its cause. The image of Lord Varuṇa (the presiding deity of waters) should be made of gold, silver or gems.

(The image should have) two hands, the right conferring refuge and the left should hold the snake-noose and as seated on the haṃsa along with the rivers and serpents.

There should be an altar at the centre of sacrificial shed having a fire-pit. There should be an arch. A pitcher made of stone for Lord Varuṇa should be placed.

Pitchers (should be placed) at the entrance to the fire receptacle which may be of a semi-circular shape or a svastika of auspicious nature. Having done the agnyādhāna (rite) in the pit for water the final oblation should be done.

(The image of) Varuṇa should be touched in the bathing seat with (the mantra) ye te śate[1]. It should then be anointed with ghee by the priest with (the recitation of) the principal mantra.

Having washed the eight pitchers with pure water with (the recitation of) śaṃ no devī[2] they should be consecrated. Sea water (should be kept) in the eastern pitcher.

8-9. Having kept the Ganges water in the (pitcher on the) south-east, rain water in the (pitcher on the) south, water from waterfalls in the (pitcher on the south-west, river water in the west, water from a masculine river in the north-west, spring water in the north, waters from sacred places (should be kept) in the north-east. In the absence of all the above, river water (should be poured into these pitchers) with the chanting of yāsāṃ rājā[3].

After having cleansed and anointed the eyes with the three sweet things (honey, sugar and clarified butter) with (the mantra) durmitriya[4], they should be opened with Citram[5] and taccakṣuḥ[6].

Continues…. 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. నిత్య ప్రజ్ఞా సందేశములు - 82 / DAILY WISDOM - 82 🌹 🍀 📖. బృహదారణ్యక ఉపనిషత్తు నుండి 🍀 ✍️. ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ

🌻 22. వేదం మొత్తం 'ఓం' లోపల ఉంది 🌻

మీరు బైబిల్ యొక్క ఈ గొప్ప భాగాన్ని విన్నారు: 'ఆదిలో శబ్దం ఉంది. శబ్దం దైవంతో ఉంది, మరియు శబ్దమే దైవము అయి ఉంది.' అలాంటిదే ఉపనిషత్తు ఇక్కడ మనకు చెబుతోంది. బ్రహ్మం నుంచి శబ్దబ్రహ్మం, ఆ శబ్దబ్రహ్మం నుంచి విశ్వం ఏర్పడ్డాయి. ఇక్కడ దైవం నుంచి పూట్టి దైవమే అయినటువంటి ఆ శబ్దం, కేవలం మనం పలికే ఒక అక్షరం కాదు. అది ఒక శక్తి. ఇది వస్తు రూపంలోకి సాకారమైన శక్తి, ఒక ప్రకంపన.

ఆ శబ్దమే వేదం, లేదా భగవంతునితో ఉన్న శాశ్వతమైన జ్ఞానం. అది భగవంతుని నుండి విడదీయరానిది, కనుక ఇది దైవమే. విశ్వ మనస్సు ఈ శాశ్వత జ్ఞానం రూపంలో తనను తాను వ్యక్తపరచుకుని ఈ విశ్వాన్ని సృష్టించింది. మనుస్మృతిలో, మరియు ఇతర ప్రాచీన గ్రంథాలలో, సృష్టికర్త అయిన ప్రజాపతి, 'ఓం' లేదా ప్రణవంతో మొత్తం విశ్వాన్ని రూపొందించాడని మనకు చెప్పబడింది. ప్రణవము, లేదా ఓంకారము, సమస్త విశ్వమునకు బీజంగా భావించబడుచున్నది. అది పరమాత్మ శబ్దం యొక్క సారాంశం. ఇది బీజరూపంలో ఉన్న వేదం కూడా. వేదమంతా ‘ఓం’ లోపలే ఉంది.

కొనసాగుతుంది… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹 DAILY WISDOM - 82 🌹 🍀 📖 The Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 🍀 📝 Swami Krishnananda 📚. Prasad Bharadwaj

🌻 22. The Whole of the Veda is Inside “Om” 🌻

You have heard this great passage of the Bible: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Something like this is what the Upanishad tells us here. The Eternal Wisdom was manifest, with the eternal Word, and with this Word the whole cosmos was created. The Word which is with God, and which is God, is not merely a letter, or a sound that we make through our lips. It is an energy; it is a force; it is a vibration which materialises itself, concretises itself into object-forms.

The Word is the Veda, or Eternal Wisdom which is with God, and it is inseparable from God, and so, it is God Himself. The Cosmic Mind projected itself in the form of this Eternal Word, and manifested this universe. In the Manusmriti, and such other ancient texts, we are also told in a symbolic manner that Prajapati, the Creator, conceived the whole cosmos in the pattern of ‘Om’, or the Pranava. The Pranava, or Omkara, is supposed to be the seed of the whole universe. That is the essence of the Word that is Divine. It is also the Veda contained in a seed form. The whole of the Veda is inside ‘Om’.

Continues… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. నిర్మల ధ్యానాలు - ఓషో - 347 🌹 ✍️. సౌభాగ్య 📚. ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ

🍀. కేవలం ఒక అడుగు కూడా మనిషిని దేవుణ్ణి చేస్తుంది. బుద్ధుణ్ణి చేస్తుంది. చేస్తుంది. అది గాఢమయిన ప్రయత్నం మీద ఆధారపడి వుంటుంది. నీ దృఢ సంకల్పం మీద, నీ సమగ్రత మీద, నువ్వు లీనం కావడం మీద ఆధారపడి వుంటుంది. 🍀

పరిణామమంటే అభివృద్ధి, దానికి కోట్ల సంవత్సరాలు పట్టింది. విప్లవమంటే కూడా అభివృద్ధే కారణం అది చైతన్యం, అది పెద్ద అంగ, దూకడం. అది క్రమంగా జరిగేది కాదు. అడుగులో అడుగు వేస్తూ జరిగేది కాదు. అదంతా నీ మీద ఆధారపడి వుంటుంది. నువ్వెంత సాహసివన్న దాని మీద ఆధారపడి వుంటుంది. కేవలం ఒక అడుగు కూడా మనిషిని దేవుణ్ణి చేస్తుంది. బుద్ధుణ్ణి చేస్తుంది. అది గాఢమయిన ప్రయత్నం మీద ఆధారపడి వుంటుంది.

నీ దృఢ సంకల్పం మీద, నీ సమగ్రత మీద, నువ్వు లీనం కావడం మీద ఆధారపడి వుంటుంది. మనిషి సహజంగా, ప్రకృతి సహజంగా ఎదిగే అవకాశం ఏ మాత్రం లేదు. స్పృహతో వుద్దేశపూర్వకంగా ఎదగాలని మనిషి అనుకుంటే తప్ప మనిషి మనిషిగానే మిగిలిపోతాడు. అది విప్లవానికి ఆరంభం పరిణామాన్ని దాటి నీ జీవితంలో విప్లవాన్ని ఆరంభించు.

సశేషం … 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

🌹. శివ సూత్రములు - 084 / Siva Sutras - 084 🌹 🍀. శివ ఆగమ తత్వశాస్త్రం యొక్క సూత్రములు 🍀 2వ భాగం - శక్తోపాయ ✍️. ప్రసాద్‌ భరధ్వాజ

🌻 2-03. విద్య శరీర సత్త మంత్రం రహస్యం - 4 🌻 🌴. మంత్రం యొక్క రహస్యం, జ్ఞానాన్ని తన చలన శక్తిగా కలిగి ఉన్న దాని శరీరమే. స్వచ్ఛమైన జ్ఞానంతో తన చిత్తాన్ని, మానసిక శరీరాన్ని ప్రకాశింపజేసే యోగి అదే శక్తిని పెంపొందించుకుని మంత్రశక్తిపై ఆధిపత్యం సాధిస్తాడు. 🌴

అనుభవ చైతన్యాన్ని విశ్వ చైతన్యంతో విలీనం చేయడం ( సర్వవ్యాప్త స్వభావం కారణంగా విశ్వ చైతన్యం) ఆధ్యాత్మిక అత్యున్నస్థితిని పొందే రహస్యం. అత్యున్నత జ్ఞానం అనేది అత్యున్నత వాస్తవికత యొక్క సూక్ష్మ స్వభావాన్ని అర్థం చేసుకోవడాన్ని సూచిస్తుంది. పండితుడు యోగి ఒకటి కాదు. పండితుని జ్ఞానం స్థూలమైనది, కానీ యోగి యొక్క జ్ఞానం సూక్ష్మమైనది. ఇంద్రియాల ద్వారా స్థూలాన్ని గ్రహించవచ్చు. వ్యక్తిగత చైతన్యాన్ని పరమ చైతన్యంతో ఏకతాటిపై నిలబెట్టడం ద్వారా మాత్రమే సూక్ష్మాన్ని గ్రహించవచ్చు. అభ్యాసం ద్వారా ఖచ్చితమైన అమరిక ఏర్పడే వరకు, సరైన ఆధ్యాత్మిక పురోగతిని సాధించలేము.

కొనసాగుతుంది… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🌹 Siva Sutras - 084 🌹 🍀Aphorisms of philosophy of Shiva āgama 🍀 Part 2 - Śāktopāya. ✍️. Acharya Ravi Sarma, 📚. Prasad Bharadwaj

🌻 2-03. Vidyā śarīra sattā mantra rahasyam - 4 🌻 🌴. The secret of the mantra is its body which has knowledge as its moving force. A yogi who illuminates his chitta and mental body with pure knowledge develops a similar power and gains lordship over the mantra shaktis. 🌴

Merging of empirical consciousness with cosmic consciousness (cosmic because of omnipresent nature) is the secret of attaining spiritual consecration. Supreme knowledge refers to the understanding the subtle nature of Ultimate Reality. A scholar is different from a yogi. A scholar’s knowledge is gross in nature, but a yogi’s knowledge is subtle in nature. Gross can be realised through senses and subtle can be realised only through aligning individual consciousness with Supreme consciousness. Till such time the perfect alignment sets in through practice, right kind of spiritual progression cannot be attained.

Continues… 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹 🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹🍀🌹

[incarnaiton14]

*🌹. విష్ణు సహస్ర నామ తత్వ విచారణ - 606 / Vishnu Sahasranama Contemplation - 606🌹*

*📚. ప్రసాద్ భరద్వాజ*

*🌻606. శ్రీశః, श्रीशः, Śrīśaḥ🌻*

*ఓం శ్రీశాయ నమః | ॐ श्रीशाय नमः | OM Śrīśāya namaḥ*

*శ్రీశః, श्रीशः, Śrīśaḥ*

*శ్రియ ఈశః శ్రీశ ఇతి మహావిష్ణుః సముచ్యతే*

*శ్రీకి ఈశుడు అనగా ప్రభువుగనుక మహావిష్ణువు శ్రీశః.*

:: పోతన భాగవతము అష్టమ స్కంధము ::

క. హృదయేశ! నీ ప్రసన్నత, పదివేలవపాలి లేశభాగముకతనం

ద్రిదశేంద్రత్వము గలదఁట!, తుది నిను మెప్పింప నేది దొరకదు శ్రీశా! (726)

*ఓ శ్రీశా! లక్ష్మీరమణా! పరమాత్మా! నీ అనుగ్రహములో పదివేలవ వంతులో ఒక లేశ భాగము వల్ల దేవేంద్రపదవి కలుగుతుందట. ఇకనీకు మెప్పు కలిగిస్తే లభించని భాగ్యము ఎమి ఉంటుంది?*

సశేషం...

🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

*🌹. VISHNU SAHASRANAMA CONTEMPLATION- 606🌹*

*📚. Prasad Bharadwaj*

*🌻606. Śrīśaḥ🌻*

*OM Śrīśāya namaḥ*

*श्रिय ईशः श्रीश इति महाविष्णुः समुच्यते / Śriya īśaḥ śrīśa iti mahāviṣṇuḥ samucyate*

*Since Lord Mahā Viṣṇu is the īśaḥ i.e., Lord of Śrī, He is called Śrīśaḥ.*

:: श्रीमद्भागवते दशमस्कन्धे पूर्वार्धे एकोन��्रिंशोऽध्यायः ::

श्रीर्यत्पदाम्बुजरजश्चकमे तुलस्या लब्धाआपि वक्षसि पदं किल भृत्यजुष्टम् ।

यस्याः स्ववीक्षण उतान्यसुरप्रयासस् तद्वद्वयं च तव पादरजः प्रपन्नाः ॥ ३७ ॥

Śrīmad Bhāgavata - Canto 10, Chapter 29

Śrīryatpadāṃbujarajaścakame tulasyā labdhāāpi vakṣasi padaṃ kila bhr‌tyajuṣṭam,

Yasyāḥ svavīkṣaṇa utānyasuraprayāsas tadvadvayaṃ ca tava pādarajaḥ prapannāḥ. 37.

Goddess Laks‌mi, whose glance is sought after by the gods as well with great endeavor, has achieved the unique position of always remaining on the chest of her Lord, Nārāyan‌a. Still, she desires the dust of His lotus feet, even though she has to share that dust with Tulasi devi and indeed with the Lord's many other servants. Similarly, we have approached the dust of Your lotus feet for shelter.

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

Source Sloka

श्रीदश्श्रीशश्श्रीनिवासः श्रीनिधिः श्रीविभावनः ।श्रीधरः श्रीकरश्श्रेयः श्रीमान् लोकत्रयाश्रयः ॥ ६५ ॥

శ్రీదశ్శ్రీశశ్శ్రీనివాసః శ్రీనిధిః శ్రీవిభావనః ।శ్రీధరః శ్రీకరశ్శ్రేయః శ్రీమాన్ లోకత్రయాశ్రయః ॥ 65 ॥

Śrīdaśśrīśaśśrīnivāsaḥ śrīnidhiḥ śrīvibhāvanaḥ,Śrīdharaḥ śrīkaraśśreyaḥ śrīmān lokatrayāśrayaḥ ॥ 65 ॥

Continues....

🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹🌹

#విష్ణుసహస్రనామతత్వవిచారణ #విష్ణుసహస్రనామములు #VishnuSahasranama #PrasadBhardwaj

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[prabhupadanugas]

ॐतत्सदिति निर्देशो ब्रह्मणस्त्रिविधः स्मृतः । ब्राह्मणास्तेन वेदाश्च यज्ञाश्च विहिताः पुरा ॥२३॥ oṁ tat sad iti nirdeśo brahmaṇas tri-vidhaḥ smṛtaḥ brāhmaṇās tena vedāś ca yajñāś ca vihitāḥ purā From the beginning of creation, the three syllables-om tat sat-have been used to indicate the Supreme Absolute Truth [Brahman]. They were uttered by brāhmaṇas while chanting Vedic hymns and during sacrifices, for the satisfaction of the Supreme. Plate 37 - Chapter 17 - Jnana-yoga ---Parts 5 _ 6 --Conclusion -- Om Tat Sat 2 The three words om tat sat are uttered in conjunction with the holy name of the Supreme Lord, e.g., om tad viṣṇoḥ. Whenever a Vedic hymn or the holy name of the Supreme Lord is uttered, om is added. This is the indication of Vedic literature. These three words are taken from Vedic hymns. Om ity etad brahmaṇo nediṣṭaṁ nāma indicates the first goal. Then tattvamasi indicates the second goal. And sad eva saumya indicates the third goal. Combined they become om tat sat. Formerly when Brahmā, the first created living entity, performed sacrifices, he spoke these three names of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The same principle holds by disciplic succession. So this hymn has great significance. Bhagavad-gītā recommends, therefore, that any work done should be done for om tat sat, or for the Supreme Personality of Godhead. When one performs penance, charity, and sacrifice with these three words, he is acting in Krṣna consciousness. Kṛṣṇa consciousness is a scientific execution of transcendental activities which enables one to return home, back to Godhead. There is no loss of energy in acting in such a transcendental way. https://prabhupadabooks.com/bg/17/23 #bhagavatam #srimadbhagavatam #vishnu #vishnupuran #harekrishna #harekrsna #harekrishna #harekrisna #prabhupada #bhagavadgita #bhagavadgitaasitis #bhagavadgītā #srilaprabhupada #srilaprabhupad #srilaprabhupadaquotes #asitis #india #indian #wayoflife #religion #goals #goaloflife #spiritual #bhakti #bhaktiyoga #chant #prasadam #picoftheday #photo #beautiful #usa https://sites.google.com/view/sanatan-dharma https://m.facebook.com/HDG.A.C.Bhaktivedanta.Svami.Srila.Prabhupada.Uvaca/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CcAWv2bLzh0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[katelides]

Good Or Bad Luck CH 37

Good Or Bad Luck: Chapter 37

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12562445/37/Good-Or-Bad-Luck

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12942966/chapters/32882457

The three couples are spread across the living room. Aubrey and Stacie laying on the couch so both could be comfortable since the blonde is still paralyzed. Beca and Chloe are curled up on the loveseat with a blanket draped over them. While Emily and Benji are sitting up against the couch, Benji having draped his arm around his girlfriend. Once in a while he presses a soft kiss on her temple, thinking that no one sees it. But boy is he wrong. The two other couples shoot each other coy smiles and continue to watch the movie.

Once the end credits start rolling Benji lets out a heavy yawn, Chloe nuzzles her nose on the crook of Beca’s neck and Aubrey stretches her arms while Stacie gives her a tight hug from behind. Beca is the first to speak up. “Do you guys want some tea?” Chloe lets out a grunt, knowing that Beca would have to move to do that and she does not want that. “We’re fine, how about you two down here?” Aubrey says looking down over the side of the couch. “I’m ok.” The youngest couple chimes at the same time. Their cuteness factor increasing in double fold.

“I think it’s time for us to head home.” Stacie says getting up and bending down again to pick her girlfriend up. “Do you need a ride, Benji?” She asks once Aubrey’s in her wheelchair. “Oh yeah that’d be great, Beca picked me up this morning.” Chloe nudges Beca in her side and cocks her head towards the boy. “Actually we need to do some more moving tomorrow and we were thinking that, if you don’t mind taking the couch, you could stay here.” Benji’s eyes light up and Emily’s smile grows brighter. “Yeah no, of course the couch is great.”

Beca tries to sit up but get pushed back down by Chloe’s weight. “Uhmpff ok Chloe we need to get up.” The redhead lets out an adorable whine which makes everyone but Beca laugh. “If you let me get up I’ll carry you to the room.” Beca whispers so only her girlfriend can hear it. Immediately she’s allowed to get up. “I don’t know what you told her but you’ll need to teach me.” Stacie jokes with an added wink. “No chance Conrad.” Beca walks over to her best friend and gives her a hug and then leans down to hug Aubrey.

While the youngster say goodbye Beca watches Chloe’s eyes fall shut and not reopening again. The redhead was out cold for the night and she looked adorable. So she points at Chloe and then at the bedroom door before whispering. “I’ll be right back.” She walks over to her girlfriend and picks her up bridle style and carries her to the bedroom. Chloe lets out another cute whine when Beca lets her go. “I’ll be here soon baby, I’m just going to say goodbye and get Benji settled.”

“…ine… ome… ack sooo…” Beca shakes her head with a smile. “Are you going to get dressed?” The light snore coming from Chloe answers that question really quick so she makes her way out to the living room. “Ok, so Chloe is out like a light.” Aubrey lets out a laugh. “Yeah that happens when she’s happy after a movie. Don’t take it personally.” Beca rolls her eyes playfully. “Alright, I really like you and all but I want to join my girlfriend in dream world so if you two finally head to bed and you two leave and do whatever you two do when you’re alone. Just drive carefully.”

Stacie punches her best friend in the arm. “Way to be sentimental Mitchell… but yeah we should head out. Goodnight everyone.” With a wave and a smile the two disappear, leaving Beca lone with the two younglings. “Ok I’m going to set up the co-“ Benji cuts his cousin off. “Becs go to bed, I got this.” The older brunette lets out a sigh. “I know, I guess it’s just me wanting to take care of you.” Benji grabs Beca by her shoulders and pushes her towards her bedroom. “I know, now go to bed. Goodnight Becs.”

The next thing Beca knows is being back in her room, looking down at a sleeping Chloe. The brunette takes out a pair of sleeping short and a t-shirt before undressing the redhead and dressing her again. Once Chloe is settled Beca gets changed herself. She then quietly settles next to her girlfriend and spoons her, whispering a soft ���goodnight’ and pressing a gentle kiss in her hair. Soon sleep takes over.

-,-,-,-,-

The next morning Beca wakes up with a numb arm and red hair spread across her face. Yet  it can’t dampen her mood. She woke next to her gorgeous girlfriend so her day definitely started great. But she has to get up so she can prepare some breakfast for the full house. Oh God… For the first time dawned on her that her apartment is filled with lots of life and for once everyone is happy. Best day ever! Beca carefully pulls her arm from underneath Chloe and rolls out of bed. She steals one more glance at the beautiful redhead before slowly backing out of the room and closing the door behind her.

In the living room she’s met by an adorable sight. Benji and Emily both fell asleep in the living room. Emily on the couch, laying on her stomach and her left hand dangling of the edge holding Benji’s hand who’s laying on the floor. They must have fallen asleep while talking. Beca thinks to herself. She tiptoes back to her room to take her phone and goes back to take a picture. Once the picture is taken the brunette goes to the kitchen and starts preparing a huge family breakfast. One her mom used to make every Sunday when she was little.

An hour later Beca is ready to feed an army. She has made pancakes, waffles, scrambled eggs and bacon. She brewed a fresh pot of coffee and is now ready to wake up the rest. When she walks into the living room she finds that everyone has woken up and is sitting on the couch. “Morning Becs.” Chloe’s chipper voice is the first thing the brunette registers and before she knows it she’s being wrapped in a tight hug. “I missed you when I woke up.” Chloe whispers.

“Hey B what have you been cooking for the past hour?” Benji asks with a grin. “Help me get everything out here kiddo and you’ll see.” Beca says while cocking her head to the kitchen. The young boy instantly shoots up and runs to the kitchen. A loud ‘Yeah!’ can be heard seconds later and Beca lets out a laugh. “I’ll take out the plates, can you two set up the table? I need to make sure some food is left.” She jokes. She kisses the tip of her girlfriend’s nose before leaving, earning a high pitched ‘aawww’ from Emily.

Chloe rolls her eyes with a smile. “Let’s help them out, I’m pretty curious about what Beca prepared.” As they both want to enter the kitchen they get stopped by Beca. “Take the plates and set them out on the table, and you take the knives and forks, Em.” Beca gives all the necessities and turns back around. A few minutes later Beca walks out with 3 plates and Benji follows with another plate and the coffee. “Breakfast is served.” Benji announces when all the plates are set on the table.

“Hey when can you two go into the studio and start recording?” Chloe asks before taking another bite from her waffle. “That’s all up to Emily, we need to figure out some things but we’re almost ready, I think.” Emily nods her head. “Yes, uhm I’ve been working on the lyrics and I think we can start recording.” Chloe smiles and nods her head. “That’s great, I can set up a studio for you two tomorrow morning. Is that alright for you?” Beca agrees and so does Emily. “Great, I can’t wait to hear it.”

“Beca this was an amazing breakfast.” Chloe says leaning in to peck the brunette on her cheek. “Thanks Chlo, glad you all enjoyed it. We’ll need our energy to do the rest of the move today.” Beca starts clearing off the table but gets stopped by Chloe. “Babe, you did the cooking so you’re going to let us do the dishes.” The brunette wants to argue but gets shushed instantly. “Actually, why don’t you both go and get ready while Benji and I clean up?” Emily offers with a gentle smile. “Since we fell asleep talking we never changed out of our clothes so we don’t need as much time. And it’s the least I can do for all you guys help.”

Chloe jumps up and hugs Emily from behind before dragging Beca towards the bedroom. Ever since the redhead woke up she felt so guilty that she fell asleep after the movie. That only ever happened if she was completely relaxed and happy. And last night ad been the first time in while she had felt that happy. And right now the only thought on her mind is How do I make it up to her. Beca is the most caring person she as ever met. She’s always ready to help others and wants nothing in return and maybe it’s time that she gets the recognition she deserves.

The redhead walks into the bedroom and finds Beca sitting on the edge of her bed, already changed into her jeans and putting on socks. Chloe walks up to her and goes to straddle the brunette’s thighs, catching her of guard. “B-baby? What uh what are yo-“ Beca gets shushed and her lips get covered by her girlfriend’s. Beca wraps her arms around Chloe’s waist while Chloe tangles her fingers in the brown locks that belong to Beca.

Their breathing becomes heavy and their kisses more passionate. If it wasn’t for the knock on Beca’s door this might have gotten more heated. “B, Emily and I are ready when you are.” Beca breaks the kiss and take a moment to catch her breath. “Y-yeah, we’ll be uhm out in a minute.” She hears Benji mutter an ‘alright’ and then silence fills the room except for the heavy breathing. Chloe has left her head to rest on Beca’s shoulder, trying to hold in her laughter.

“Alright Beale, what did I do to deserve this.” Beca asks in a raspy voice that send chills down Chloe’s spine. “You just… being you.” Beca chuckles at the answer and turns her slightly so she can press her lips against her girlfriend’s temple. “If you say so. But we do need to get going so if you’d kindly get off my lap?” With a groan and fake pout Chloe does as told. “Hey Chlo?” Beca stops the redhead from walking by grabbing her arm and standing up making them stand really close to each other.

“Yes Becs?” Chloe whispers back looking into Beca’s eyes. “Maybe, you know if you want to of course, you can stay here? I mean tonight?” The corners of Chloe’s lips curl up into a sweet smile. “I’d really like that, but do you think we could maybe pick up some things? Like pajama’s and a toothbrush?” Beca takes a step back and walks over to the bedside table on the side where Chloe slept. “I uhm might have thought of that?” She carefully says while pulling open the top drawer. She pulls something out of it and slowly turns around.

Slowly the brunette reveals a packed toothbrush with a worried expression clouding her face. An emotion that definitely wasn’t necessary. Chloe lunges forward and almost slams Beca into the bedside table. Thank god the brunette has good balance and holds them both up. The redhead has a death grip on Beca’s neck. “I’m going to assume by the lack of oxygen that you don’t mind?” Chloe’s grip loosens a bit and she leans back and aligns their faces so their noses brush against each other. “You have no idea.”

“I hope it’s not weird or something?” Chloe shakes her head. “No, it’s perfect, it’s a new step in our relationship.” Beca nods her head. “I was actually thinking of taking it a step further but maybe it’s to soon?” Chloe raises her brow. “I actually emptied some space in my closet for you, if you want you can leave some things here?” Chloe’s stops breathing for just a second. “I mean we’ve been dating for 5 months and I-“ The brunette gets cut off by a gentle kiss. “I’d really like that Beca.”

The two hug each other for a few minutes, both on a high of taking a huge step in their relationship. This step makes Chloe even more sure of the fact of how in love she is with the brunette.

I DO NOT OWN PITCH PERFECT!

REVIEWS = HAPPY ME

HAPPY ME = QUICKER UPDATES

FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR FOR SNEEK PEAKS FOR UPCOMING CHAPTERS –katelides

[nordic-language-love]

Language Learning Log 2021 - Week 10 (01.03 - 07.03)

Norwegian

Read 2x articles

Watched 2x Distriktsnyheter broadcasts (Nordnytt & Midnytt)

Watched 1x Nytt På Nytt episode

Listened to the radio (P2 Ekko)

Wrote 1x journal entry

Speaking practice: talked about my day

Mysteriet om Nils ch 37 reading, grammar + exercises & ch 38 reading (read aloud)

Italki lesson (60 mins)

Japanese

Duolingo: Position, Greetings

Kanji drills

Played Final Fantasy

Norwegian

It’s been a while since I watched Nytt På Nytt. I had subtitles on but I avoided using them as much as possible and found I understood quite well on the whole (I do have to pay close attention though - I definitely can’t just have it on in the background and tune in and out lol). I’ve been watching all other TV without subtitles though. I think it’s good sometimes to have them on because I inevitably run into a couple of new words, so it can be good for vocabulary, but for listening practice it’s definitely better to have them off.

I worked with Mysteriet om Nils again this week and managed to complete the whole of chapter 37. What I’m most proud of is one of the end-of-chapter exercises was a prepositions gap fill and I managed to get it all right! There were a few I wasn’t sure on but I went with my gut. So my instincts for using prepositions must be getting better. I’m really happy with this because prepositions are bastards and I usually mess them up.

Last week’s goals

Mysteriet om Nils ch 37 reading ✅

Watch 4x TV shows/news broadcasts [4/4] ✅

Practise speaking on 3 days [3/3] ✅

Write 2x journal entries [1/2]

Read 2x articles [2/2] ✅

This week’s goals

Mysteriet om Nils ch 38 grammar

Watch 4x TV shows/news broadcasts

Read 3x articles

Write 150+ words fiction

Japanese

I’ve not done much Japanese this week. I bought some bilingual short stories and I can’t wait to get started with them! But I feel like I need to sit down with them and study them properly as there’s a lot of new words/kanji in them, and sitting down to do things is something I’ve struggled with this week. I had a little peak at the first paragraph of the first story and I couldn’t understand a full sentence anywhere (although there were some sentences that were close! So that’s something!)

Last week’s goals

Review JFZ ch 8 (practice saying numbers/dates aloud and writing the hiragana as well as the kanji) ❌

Duolingo: bring Position skill up to level 2 + finish making notes [8/8] ✅

Learn 5 kanji from the Position skill [5/5] ✅

Continue playing Final Fantasy ✅

This week’s goals

Read 1 short story

Duolingo: start Hobby 1 skill

Kanji drills on at least 3 days

Continue playing Final Fantasy

Review JFZ ch 8

Other

I’ve been pretty bad at exercising this week. Actually, I’ve been kinda bad at doing anything. Executive dysfunction is a real problem for me at the moment :( I’ve made a detailed plan for today, so I’m hoping that’ll help me get in gear. I’ve also more-or-less planned my workouts for the entire week. Of course, I adapt my workout plans based on my feelings (if I’m really tired/sore then I don’t push myself as a rule), but I’m hoping I’ll be able to mostly stick to it.

I’ve been so bad at reading lately too. Idk why... I was enjoying the book I was reading? I’ve just not been able to sit down to do it. I guess I’m too busy being distracted by my own brain.

Last week’s goals

Stretch on at least 3 days [1/3] ❌

Train pole/hoop on at least 2 days [1/2] ❌

Do something creative on at least 2 days [1/2] ❌

Finish Time of Contempt [125/330] ❌

This week’s goals

Do a little reading on at least 2 days

Stretch on at least 3 days

Train pole/hoop on at least 2 days

Do something creative