#old man save meeeeee

[idle-skull]

Gently holds his cold hands…

[rodeoromeo]

[nick-cassidy]

x

[ovaryacted]

pervy old man logan save me pervy old man logan save meeeeee

─ Pervy! Old man Logan Howlett x fem! reader || WC: 1.4k

CW: MDNI/18+. NSFW. Age gap implied [Logan is canon age, reader is 21+]. Bit of flirting (if you squint). Logan is a little pervy (duh). Wandering eyes. Panty stealing. Panty sniffing. Upskirting. Lewd thoughts. Bit of voyeurism. Teasing. Hints of degradation. Use of pet names (hun, darlin', princess). Mutual Masturbation (sorta). Groping. Clitoral stimulation. Possible dub-con at the end (reader is under the influence). Mentions of reader's clothing: skirts, dresses, sexy attire due to working at a club. Reader is hinted to be a little naive.

Be soooo glad that I love you. (And I do, very much). This is for the real ones that just want to fuck that nasty old man, and this is a bit different than what I usually write, but I had a thought and I ran with it. Hope you all enjoy this little crazy piece!

pervy! old man Logan who finds you working as a bottle girl in a downtown club after he drops off a bachelorette party, drawn to you when you step outside for some fresh air on your break. While chatting with him, you rant about your unfavorable living situation, and he proposes you take the spare room in his apartment under the guise of convenience and keeping you safe. You take it, not thinking of anything besides getting much-needed help

pervy! old man Logan who doesn’t mind having you around in his apartment. You’re quiet, neat, and not to mention a sight for sore eyes. He finds his gaze wandering over your figure when you walk around the space you share with him. Of course, he does that when you aren’t paying attention.

pervy! old man Logan who wakes up a bit early to make some coffee and breakfast for the both of you. He stands over the stove and gestures to your mug on the counter filled with freshly brewed coffee made just the way you like.

pervy! old man Logan who converses with you in the morning, asking how you slept and your plans for the day. He uses it as a good excuse to look at your chest, the stiff peaks of your nipples poking through the material of your baggy t-shirt.

pervy! old man Logan who approves of the skimpy outfits you wear for your work shifts at the club. Your attire consisted of latex shorts and tight bodysuits that leave nothing to the imagination, and he’s always looking at you, ready to give you the praise and approval you seek. 

“Yeah darlin’, it fits like a glove. Turn around for me, gotta get the whole view.”

pervy! old man Logan who drives you to and from work for your shifts. Late at night, he waits for you outside and leans against the side of his limo, smoking a cigar as he does. When you step out and stride towards him with a sway in your hips after a good shift, you lean against him for a hug. He follows through, squeezing your waist with one arm, fingers almost sneaking towards your ass.

pervy! old man Logan who looks at your thighs shifting as he drives. His palm itches to touch your skin, to squeeze you hard enough to bruise and leave his mark. But he refrains, tightening his grip on the steering wheel instead.

pervy! old man Logan who watches you change from the gap of your bedroom door, ogling at your bare back as you walk around your room, finding something to wear. You finally turn, giving Logan a nice view of your bare breasts, nipples stiff from the cool air. He can feel his slacks getting tighter just from looking at you, his mouth craving for a taste of you.

pervy! old man Logan who offers to help put on your shoes when you’re wearing dresses or skirts. He’ll place your foot on his thigh and tie your heeled boots while your hands are on his shoulders for balance. He doesn’t mind helping you out so long as he gets a good glimpse at the underwear you’re wearing for the day.

pervy! old man Logan who teases you and plays with the edges of your clothes frequently. You’ll walk beside him doing grocery runs or passing by him when you reach for a cup in the overhead cabinets in the kitchen. He takes it as an opportunity to intentionally lift your bottoms to prove how provocative your clothes are. Blatantly whistling at your ass coming to view, you smack his hand away and grow flustered. He only chuckles at your reaction.

“C’mon, hun. You don’t gotta get all shy on me. It’s not my fault these skirts are just too damn short.”

pervy! old man Logan who takes your panties when he’s doing the laundry, admiring the thin pieces of fabric you concealed under your clothes. The first time he found your underwear in his batch of laundry, he ran his fingers over the gusset, bringing it up to his nose and taking a whiff. He stuffs the pair into his pocket, saving it for later to wrap over his length when you’re asleep.

pervy! old man Logan who knows you get yourself off in the late hours of the night or early in the morning when you think he’s sleeping. He can hear you through the thin walls of the apartment, his heightened senses working overtime to catch the muted whimpers you release as you touch yourself. He tries to imagine what position you’re in, if you were completely naked or still had your underwear on, lying on your back or your face smushed into the pillow, arching your spine. He brings a hand cup himself, jerking off in tandem to your moans, wishing it were your fingers curling around his cock instead.

pervy! old man Logan who brings you home after you’ve had too many drinks at work, a result of serving a bachelor party and keeping them entertained with tequila shots. It paid off. You got a hefty tip at the end of the night, evident from the giddy expression on your face when you exit the front doors. Logan is waiting for you outside the club like usual, holding your figure steady against him as you giggle into his chest from your wobbly steps.

pervy! old man Logan who keeps a hand on your knee the entire drive back to the apartment. You didn’t seem to mind it this time, staring off into the window and watching the streetlights pass you. Humming a tune to yourself, you glance at Logan when his hand drifts higher to your thigh, offering a squeeze and receiving a sweet smile in return.

pervy! old man Logan who “helps” you get comfortable once you’re both home. You don’t say anything when he tugs your clothes away, stripping you of your shorts and tights, your top coming off next. You have half a mind to tell him you didn’t need his help, he knows you can handle yourself, but all he does is give you a toothy smirk.

“Easy. Just trying to make sure you’re taken care of. I always take care of you baby, don’t I?”

pervy! old man Logan who takes off your bra and flings it to the side, leaving you in your undies. You look up at him, slightly in a daze, taking in his rugged appearance. His large hands are on your hips, keeping you upright as your breathing grows uneasy, warmth coursing through you along with the alcohol you consumed.

pervy! old man Logan who steps closer to you, chest to chest, hovering over your body and listening to your heart beating in your ribcage. His textured palms begin to roam, running down your spine and reaching to cup your ass, kneading the flesh between his fingers. You whimper, gripping Logan’s button-down shirt to ground yourself.

pervy! old man Logan who places one singular kiss on your shoulder and another on your neck, biting your lip to stifle the moan that threatened to come out. Here you were, tipsy and left to his mercy, panties beginning to stick as slick blossomed between your legs. All the touching, teasing, and toying around from the man who’s cared for you is now coming to fruition. Maybe you should be a little worried, but somewhere along the way, you stopped giving a shit.

pervy! old man Logan who grins widely when you lean further against him, releasing a quivering exhale when his fingers slip between your thighs, rubbing your clit through the lace that covered you. He groans at the feel of how wet you’ve gotten for him, the specific pair of panties he’s touching was a personal favorite he’s “borrowed” a few times before rewashing them. Your core throbbed under his touch, lifting your head to stare at him, pupils blown. He could feel the blood in his body rushing south to tug at his groin, the bulge you felt at your lower stomach growing harder with every passing minute.

“How about you give your old man a kiss and let him play with you a little? Doesn’t that sound nice, princess?”

©️ ovaryacted 2024. Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI. Support your fellow creators by reblogging, commenting, and liking!

[devine-fem]

Save me old man Damijon… old man damijon save me… Damian with a scruffy beard please… Jon with long lanky old man hair please save meeeeee…

[belladonnadolly]

SAVE ME OLD MAN LOGAN SAVE ME PLS SAVE MEEEEEE

[netherfeildren]

joel in a black hoodie save meeeeee save me joel in a black hoodie

like it’s really just the hottest image to me ever—hoodie jeans and raggedy boots but Specifically those ones w the more square toe and she looks at him and is like what are you an Old Man or a FUCK BOY????????🤔🤔🤔

[episodicnostalgia]

Spider-man: The Animated Series, 109 (May 6, 1995) - “The Alien Costume, Part Two”

Written by: Brynne Stephens (as Brynne Chandler Reaves) Directed by: Bob Richardson

LAST TIME… On Spider-man:

You can read my review for part one HERE (if you haven’t already), but there was one subplot involving Eddie Brock that I didn’t really get into because my post was already running long.  Basically Eddie was still sore at Spider-man over that time he got fired for being bad at his job.  Consequently, he decides to sell Jonah pictures that make it look like Spider-man stole the Promethium X [*dangerous radioactive space McGuffin] from John Jameson’s space shuttle, instead of correctly laying the blame on Rhino, whom Eddie both witnessed and photographed (that bastard).  As a result, Jonah has bounty placed on Spider-man’s head, and Eddie’s sittin’ pretty with his old job back.

AND NOW… The continuation

The Breakdown

Despite the constant barrage of bounty hunters trying to take him down, Spidey is doing pretty well at staying the-fuck-outta dodge thanks to his enhanced strength (courtesy of the new suit), indeed he seems virtually untouchable.  Still the inconvenience of constantly being attacked is getting on the web-head’s last nerve, leading to an all out confrontation with Jonah that… doesn’t exactly go well (the wall crawler uncharacteristically loses his shit and trashes Jonah’s office), but it does lead Jonah to discovering the truth about Eddie’s deception regarding the Rhino.  And so, Jonah must face humiliation by releasing yet another retraction to Brock’s latest and-most-brazen fuck-up (which of course prompts his immediate re-firing).

MEANWHILE… Wilson Fisk is still on about that whole Promethium X thing (trying to sell it to terrorists or some-such).  The Problem is, Eddie Brock’s public humiliation makes him liability to Fisk since he holds the only photographic evidence of Rhino’s involvement (who I guess can be linked to Fisk through payroll statements or something?). So Fisk sends his latest super-minion, THE SHOCKER, to deal with it using murder.  But of course, just as the Shocker shows up to vibrate Brock to death (Kinky), our less-friendly neighbourhood Wall Crawler arrives on the scene to save the day [also because he wanted to bully Eddie a bit himself, almost as if… SOMEthing is making him more behave more aggressively?  But WHAT, I wonder?].  The ensuing fight ends up with Spidey buried in rubble just long enough for Shocker to think he’s won, and for Eddie to make his escape.

Chuffed at his supposed victory, Shocker rushes to Allistair Smythe’s hideout so he can boast about it, but of course Spider-man just follows him there.  Another fight leads to Spidey stealing back the Promethium X so he can run some tests on it back at his place. Of course this naturally escalates things even further, and Allistair sets another trap with the Shocker using John Jameson as bait (kidnapped straight out of the hospital, no less.  Poor guy is having a rough time).  The deal is simple, Spider-man and Jonah are to meet Allistair at an old church building, where John will be returned to his father in exchange for the Promethium X.

Spider-man may be a little more violent than usual, but he’s still Spider-man, so he willingly hands over the Promethium in exchange for John, which is when Shocker shows up to spring the trap.  While Allistair makes good his escape (as well as the Jamesons), Spidey and his foe have at it, and it does NOT go well for Shocker. 

Like, Spider-man is UNHINGED you guys; it’s truly some meme worthy stuff. 

Eventually Shocker [SHOOOOOCKKKEEEEEERRR!!!!!] gets chased to the top of the building where the belltower is located (oh yeah there’s a bell tower. Now you know), and proceeds to get the living tar beat out of him [YOOUU CAN’T ESCAPE MEEEEEE!!!].  But Just as Spider-man is about to drop the ol’ Shockster to his untimely demise [I’LL CHASE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EEEAARTH!!!], he remembers that Uncle Ben used to have a whole speech about Responsibility (I won’t get into it here, but it involves great power) and resolves not to klll his hapless foe.  Except… the suit has other ideas and autonomously produces a tentacle to force the issue by shoving Shocker off the tower against our hero’s wishes.  Thankfully, the suit still respects Spider-man’s impulse to shoot a life-saving web line, thus sparing Shocker from death-by-impact.

Having finally accepted that the suit is responsible for his new bloodthirsty attitude, Spider-man attempts to remove it, only then realizing that IT has other plans (even though Doc Conners totally warned him about this in an earlier scene). While thrashing around in a fruitless attempt to take his ‘costume’ off, the massive tower-bell starts ringing at such a volume as to drive the suit utterly BANANAS. It’s at this point that Spider-man figures out that sound is the suit’s weakness, after correlating this incident with a bounty hunter’s sonic weapon from earlier.  Considering he has no other viable options, Spidey pretty much just hangs out nearby the ringing bell until the suit gives up and separates from him.  From there it eventually succumbs into a puddle and slithers off into a crack, NEVER TO BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

[Oh and I don’t know if it’s worth mentioning, but Eddie Brock followed Jonah to the church, where he tried his level best to kill Spider-man while was distracted with the Shocker.  Of course he failed even more miserably than he did at his job, and Spider-man easily wrapped him up into a web cocoon, and strung him up inside the tower chamber beneath the bell.]

Anyways, with the alien symbiote out of the way Spider-man completely forgets to check in on Eddie who is still literally hanging out in the church tower.  At the same time, it turns out the alien symbiote is still very much alive after all (which Spider-man probably should have double checked) and in need of a new host. Since Brock is available for a rebound (not to mention unable resist), the Symbiote helps itself.  Eddie quickly goes from being terrified, to WAY TOO into it, and while we don’t yet see the end result of this new unholy alliance, it seems unlikely that it’ll be good. 

I bet they're gonna be Venom now though.  I just have an instinct about these things.

TO BE CONTINUED!

The Verdict

Man these episodes are fun.  On the one hand, this show takes a fairly complicated piece of Spider-man’s lore, and streamlines it nicely for children’s television.  On the other hand, it’s still AN OBSCENELY convoluted 20 minutes of unrestrained structured chaos.  I’ve talked about this before in my other posts, but watching this show as an adult is leaves me both constantly impressed and confounded at the same time.  Every choice the characters make are so hilariously unhinged, and yet somehow it all works perfectly within the context of what the show is trying to be.

One element that continues to work especially well, is Spider-man’s transition towards insanity as a consequence of wearing the suit.  The original comics really didn’t lean into this idea as comprehensively back when the symbiote was introduced, mainly because the writers were still figuring it out as they went, and Venom himself was still some years away from even being conceptualized. But It’s telling that virtually every version of the character since this specific adaptation has incorporated the symbiote’s tendency to alter, dominate, and/or consume the host.  It’s a story telling choice that makes sense, and one that this series deserves credit for bringing to the mainstream.

I also feel compelled to give Christopher Daniel Barnes a shout-out for this episode.  Spider-man losing his shit over Shocker is (unintentionally) so funny to me.  Shocker has always been a C-list villain at most, and up against the Symbiote-Spider-man he amounts to little more than a mild inconvenience, so the idea that Spider-man JUST HATES this guy to the point of flying into a murderous rage, cracks me up (even though I realize the suit is responsible).  At the same time, Barnes really commits to the role here and, hilarious or otherwise, Spider-man is believably psychotic.  Gotta love it.

3.5 stars (out of 5)

Additional Observations

There’s a scene where Spider-Man pays Dr. Curt Conners (aka the Lizard) a visit to help him figure out the mystery surrounding his fancy new extra-terrestrial duds.  In order to run his tests Conners tries to take a sample of the organism, only for it to retreat from his grasp when he reaches out with a pair of scissors.  Spider-man helps out by stretching out (pictured above) some of the suit with one hand so the Doc can cut it, which does work, but that still leaves the freshly cut piece of alien ‘material’ loose INSIDE Spider-man’s palm, which is also notably enclosed within the symbiote.  As a kid it always bothered me that the symbiote wouldn’t have just reabsorbed the freshly cut piece back into itself before Peter could hand it over to Conners. Thankfully I’m a well adjusted adult now, so I’ve moved on from such petty concerns.  Haha.  Ha. …ha.

The Promethium x subplot is officially resolved in this chapter, and it’s obvious the writers barely cared about that thread more than I did.  It turns out the substance has a short half life, before becoming inert, thus foiling the Kingpin’s plans and leaving Part 3 with more time to focus on Venom.

Spider-man’s personal microscope and PC must be incredibly advanced!  Within seconds he’s able to determine the Promethium X’s density, structure, and molecular weight, all with sharp colour-coded images rendered directly to his computer in real time!  Remarkable!

Responsibility Count – 2: Uncle Ben’s famous line returns!  I’m actually surprised that it’s been used as infrequently as it has been up to this point.  In my memory, future seasons would start to abuse the “power and responsibility” spiel with increasing regularity.  I suppose we’ll find out as we go.

Spider-man really needs to keep better tabs on his enemies after defeating them. Last episode he just leaves Rhino unrestrained in a military facility that carries sensitive technologies, and in this episode both Shocker AND Brock are just webbed up left behind. A few episodes back (in the Mysterio episode) it’s established that Spider-man’s webbing eventually dissolves, which means Eddie probably would have fallen to his death if the Symbiote hadn’t found him.  Oh well, I guess it all worked out.  Besides, what are the odds of something crazy happening like all three characters returning in the very next episode? Amright!?

[rabbitcyclops]

WHAT OMG WHAT WHWHEHEHHEHEHEHE

Bro- bro- I can't - who knew posting old man on main would've ended up here WHWHEURKEKENNEJ3KEKEKRKKR

YOU CANNOT FATHOM HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO MEEEEEE I HAVE ALL OF THE FANART I GET ON MY COMPUTER SAVED AND I LOOK AT IT WHEN I GET SAD

I can't even begin to express how grateful!!!!!!

@rabbitcyclops Kuro!!

He's living in my head rent free At first i didn't think id make him justice, but im quite happy with how he turned out! Every time i saw that one Mana sama picture i thought about him, so my drawing pen just slipped,,,,, [this is also totally not bribery so he doesnt bite Seinaru 🙏🙏]

[k3rm1e]

hey bestie!!

could I request a georgenotfound x male(or gender neutral) baker reader who comes onto one of George’s streams to help him bake and wearing one of George’s hoodies and chat just,, freaks out cause they didn’t know he was dating someone

cake

hey bestie!!

could I request a georgenotfound x male(or gender neutral) baker reader who comes onto one of George’s streams to help him bake and wearing one of George’s hoodies and chat just,, freaks out cause they didn’t know he was dating someone

hi anon! this has taken a long while, so i’m sorry about that. but this is here now so yeah, i hope you enjoy <3

cake:

  george was doing another one of his streams except this time, he wasn’t gaming. you could hear him screaming from the kitchen, attempting to bake a cake. why he didn’t ask for your help, you didn’t know. just the other day you had quite literally completed a three tier cake for an old family friend’s daughter’s quinceañera. the intricate gold leaf detailing and the expertly crafted edible roses had taken hours.

  so, you had no clue why george refused to accept your help. he wouldn’t even let you get ingredients. he probably got salted butter instead of unsalted. now he’ll have a salty cake. suits him right.

  you tried to ignore his yells, let him suffer in his own stupidity. but, just imagining the monstrosity of a cake he was making made you grimace in disgust. all he’s doing is disrespecting the art of baking. if anything, it's a stain on your honor. the baking blog that reviewed all the local shops would write, “boyfriend, who’s partner is a baker, cannot bake cakes. instead of helping him, said partner left him to suffer, and in doing so  disrespecting our craft. never purchase another cake from their shop, as they are a vile being and a harm to the baking community.”. you rolled off the couch and face first on the couch, kicking your feet back and forth.

  “fine. fine. i’ll help him. but not because i want to, only to save my honor. that idiot denied my help.” getting up, you marched over to the kitchen, stopping right before the door. you took a breath, and whipped open the door. “George-”

  the kitchen was a mess. there was flour on the counter top and liquid butter in the microwave. george stood in the middle of the kitchen in a whit apron and a chef’s hat, looking very shocked.

  “what did you do to my kitchen!? do you even know what you’re doing?” you marched into the room, pushing him away to survey the damage on the counter. in you hasty anger, you had somewhat forgotten that he was live.

  “uh, nothing love. it’s just a bit of a mess.” he looked guilty, standing behind you with his hands in the air, holding a whisk with powder and egg on it.

  “seriously george, i knew you were bad at cooking, but not this bad. i’ve made cakes in front of you so many times, how are you still seriously so bad at this?” you stared at with your hand on your hips. he was ruining your lovely kitchen. if you were too late in stopping him, he could’ve used your electric mixer. good thing you stopped him.

  “i like your cake! why would i learn how to cook if i can just have you bake for me?” from his headphones you could lightly hear, “ohohoho, what do you mean by you like their cake george~?” and a whisper shouted, “shut up dream!” from george. you would ignore that line of conversation for the time being.

  “george, go grab me paper towels.” he sighed and threw his head back before doing what you told him to.

  as you began to clean up, george started talking to chat. “chat, twitch chat, this is my partner. they bake and are a bit mad that i didn’t accept their help at first.” he put his arms around your neck and put his head on top of yous. “don’t they look good in my hoodie?” he moved your head next to your cheek and you could hear him chuckle when your face got warm. chat was practically having a seizure, spamming about how you’re their new OTP.

  you sighed at george, “go get me the eggs babe.”

  you made the chocolate cake batter, messing around with george the whole time. he got flour everywhere, even spilt the milk. but, after some time you had finally made a cake you could be semi-proud of. did it look good? no. but working in conditions where you have to deal with being live on camera and dealing with a man who can’t bake for his life makes it much better. after ending stream, you guys laid down on the couch. 

  “thank you for not getting mad at meeeeee” george smiled at you as he ate his piece of cake.

  “yeah, you’re lucky i love you.” you kept staring at the tv, intently watching the show.

  “awwwww, you’re so cute.” george moved his head to be on your shoulder.

  you shoved his head off you, pushing him off the couch. “oh, shut the hell up you idiot.”

early post today! this was shorter, but hopefully you guys liked it :)

[script-nef]

#bokutoisblessed | Bokuto Koutarou

Category: crack, fluff

2.2k words; MSBY fans dying over Bokuto and his family

Bokuto uploaded another photo

It seems like just yesterday little Hana was swaddled in his arms and now look at her. Like. Holy [censored] look at the [censored] post. 

Dudes like. She can walk now. Her steps are so wobbly but also so cute and my heart like????? Just exploded when we were gifted with the sight of her??? AND THE WAY SHE GIGGLED WHEN SHE ARRIVED AT HER MUM’S LAP A SAFJAKFDL I CAN’T BREATHE

Comments [Anon]: Honestly we the fans of Black Jackals are so blessed because we get to experience this joy and bundle of life thanks to our lord and saviour Bokuto Koutarou and his amazing wife, who will hereby be named Kami-sama. Because God is a woman I called it.

[Anon]: I agree with 97% of this, except for the Kami-sama part. She said it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing so we have to call her something else. How about Wife-sama. That should be fine, right?

[Anon]: Oh I saw that post Bokuto put up! Saying how much he’s thankful for the support but not to call her that! The upload was a short video of her turning red after he called her Kami-sama and it’s a treasure I will keep for the rest of my life. And into the afterlife. Death can try to pull it out of my cold, dead hand but I won’t let it. YOU HEAR ME DEATH???? YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS FROM MEEEEEE

[Anon]: Bokuto said Wife-sama is fine! Apparently she was still red and it was the cutest thing ever. Bokuto is so biased (*cough cough* whipped *cough cough*) but hey I’m not complaining. I don’t think my imagination will ever come close to the actual reaction but I hope it does.

[Anon]: Do you guys remember, when he just started dating her, how he flooded us with posts of her and her only? Like, practically 95% of my feed was her since he was putting so much of them up. She could literally be doing nothing and he’ll be like “HOLY [censored] LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!” Without swearing because he doesn’t do that, but still.

[Anon]: OH AND THEN HE GOT INTO TROUBLE WITH HIS SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER ASKJDSKDJF THAT WAS GOLD

[Anon]: THEY LITERALLY PUT A VIDEO UP OF THEM TRYING TO TELL BOKUTO WHY HE SHOULDN’T DO THAT AND HE CONSTANTLY SAID “BUT I’M DATING HER AND THIS IS MY WAY OF SAYING I LOVE HER!!” LIKE BOI WE GET IT EVEN ALIENS WILL GET IT

[Anon]: And it started up again when she was pregnant with Hana. Like I could make a time-lapse video or whatever of her pregnancy just from the photos he put up

[Anon]: I honestly wonder how many photos he has of her and Hana

[Anon]: Probably a couple thousand. I mean like, I have a couple thousand of MBSY members but my love for them pales in front of Bokuto for Wife-sama, so.

→ Continue thread

Holy [censored] I just met Bokuto

Okay so there was news about a new resident coming into our apartment, more specifically my neighbouring unit. It was previously occupied by this really old couple and we had this small farewell party. They dropped hints that the new residents might be kind of loud but that they were great.

A few days later, my doorbell rings and who do I see? It’s [censored] Bokuto. Like, straight up. In his casual clothes. Exactly the same as the photo on his Insta page where he said he was moving. Which I liked practically a few hours ago.

He was standing there with the biggest smile and saying that he’s the new resident and that they’re giving out homemade cookies because of the baby and Bokuto’s volume. And invited me to a small dinner. And I’m. Like my brain. Literally. Like my brain is even blank now. Bokuto. Invited me. To his house. So I could have dinner. And see his wife. And little Hana. 

So I am here now, raiding my wardrobe to see if I have anything wearable because HOLY [censored] [censored] [censored] I’M GOING TO HAVE DINNER WITH BOKUTO AND HIS FAMILY I’LL REPORT BACK LATER IF HE’S FINE WITH ME SHARING THIS EXPERIENCE OKAY I REALLY GOTTA GO BECAUSE MY HEART IS BEATING WAY TOO FAST AND I NEED TO HAVE SOME MEDICINE

[Edit]: This was riddled with spelling mistakes because my hands were shaking from the aftershock.

Comments [Anon]: ???? What did you do in your past life to be awarded the opportunity of being neighbours with Bokuto???? Did you like, save the country or something? Is that what it takes to be blessed with him?

[Anon]: No you gotta at least save the entire Earth for this damn dude thanks for your service I guess

[Anon]: But if you gotta save the world to be neighbours with Bokuto, then what the hell did Wife-sama do to be married to him?

[Anon]: She saved the universe

[Anon]: But I think Bokuto will be the one to say he saved the universe to be with her that cheesy dork ugh I love you

[Anon]: LMAO I CAN HEAR HIM SCREAMING THAT

[Anon]: Are you back yet? Are you alive? Are you blinded by the magnificence that is Bokuto Koutarou and his family? I know I would be. So in order to kill me as well, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED YOU CAN’T KEEP US OUT LIKE THIS I AM KNEELING ON THE FLOOR AND BEGGING FOR THE INTERACTION PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I BEG OF THEE I WANT SOME MORE SIR

[OP]: That’s really weird so stop that. I’m just about to go out now! I’ll spend the dinner over there, experience heaven, hope I don’t die of heart failure and possibly come back with a war story. If they allow me. Wish me luck guys.

[Anon]: GO BRAVELY SOLDIER AND MAKE US PROUD I AM PRAYING THAT THEY’LL BE KIND ENOUGH TO LET YOU SHARE THIS WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE

I’M BACK

Okay so that could only be described as one of the best moments in my entire life. Don’t worry, they said it’s fine if I share this. #actualsaints

So I finally found an outfit and took the chocolate that I was saving for myself, but since I can give my arm and leg for Bokuto what the [censored] is a chocolate, right?

I’m greeted by Wife-sama herself. Like. Less than a metre from me, saying “good afternoon” and smiling like the saint of tranquillity. (A side note but how do you have that when you live with Bokuto? And a child? My brother wants to know your secrets.) And she’s wearing what I think is Bokuto’s shirt since it’s way too big for her, I mean the end comes to her thighs. Sharing shirts is the most romantic thing a couple can do I don’t make the rules I’m just the messenger.

Anyway she invites me into their house, their amazingly aesthetical and cozy house. There’s a display case for all of Bokuto’s trophies, awards, certificates and everything. There are photographs of them together all over the walls, hung from strings spanning the entire house. There was a wall section dedicated entirely to Hana-chan. I felt like an uncivilised cave gremlin there.

Wife-sama was still making dinner and I was going to help her but little Hana-chan came to me. Like, she tottered over to me in the blue frilly dresses and tugged on my pants, babbling and smiling. Y’all I nearly died. I literally saw the gates of heaven and had a foot in but Wife-sama saved me by pulling me back into reality. By asking me if I wanted to play with Hana-chan. Which killed me again. And she was apologetic about it too? Like she doesn’t think I would give my kidney to spend time with her?

So I was playing with Hana but sneakily looking at the two of them being cute as hell in the kitchen. Bokuto was attached to her at the hip for the whole time except for when she asked him to get some ingredients. He was a puppy incarnate. They were sneaking kisses, whispering to each other and it was honestly so cute like I was getting diabetes just from one night. 

The food was amazing, the dinner talk was so fun and delightful, Hana-chan was the cutest little angel ever, this was probably the best day of my life. AND WHEN I LEFT FOR THE NIGHT, THEY BOTH HUGGED ME AND IT WAS LIKE BEING HUGGED BY CLOUDS BUT THEY SMELLED SO NICE!!

I shall never forget this day. Mark my words y’all.

Comments [Anon]: How beautiful was their place? I feel like she would go with a pastel tone or black and white. And have cute things littered around everywhere.

[OP]: The house was really unique in the sense that it felt like two houses smashed together. Like they took turns decorating each section of the house. Looked like polar opposites. It was kind of weird at first but the aesthetics flowed well the longer I stayed there, if you can understand what I’m saying.

[Anon]: The fact that Bokuto and Wife-sama are practically opposites in many things but still formed a romantic relationship with each other and the fact that their taste or preferences complement each other perfectly is proof that they are soulmates. In this essay I will

[Anon]: Where’s the essay. Dude where’s the [censored] essay

[Anon]: HEY MAN COME BACK WHERE’S MY ESSAY

[Anon]: NOOOOOOOOOOO THE SACRED TEXTS

[Anon]: Bruh just a kidney? Take my [censored] liver. Take my heart. Oh no wait, she already has it in her squishy widdle hands.

[Anon]: I bid my left arm

[Anon]: Right arm

[Anon]: Lungs

[Anon]: I really love my brain but I barely use it so off it goes I guess

[OP]: ???? Guys? What are you doing? Stop this illegal organ trade in my post.

[Anon]: Shhhhh we’re showing our love

I saw Bokuto shopping and it was so cute

I do not do clickbait, it was genuinely adorable and my cheeks are about to fall off. As was everyone else’s in the entire mall.

I was just doing some shopping, getting some snacks and popcorn for the movie marathon I was going to have and who do I hear? Yeah, it’s Bokuto. And little Hana-chan whining to Wife-sama about how she’s not getting the snacks they want. It’s from memory since I didn’t take a video, I’m not a creep and I understand boundaries unlike some of you assholes, but it went something like this.

Bokuto: But think of all the caramel popcorn we could eat! Hana: Mama, sweeties. Sweeties. (What an angel, am I right?) Wife-sama: I already said no, it’s going to ruin your dinner. Hana: But it’s tasty! Bokuto: Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase? I’ll do all of the dishes and cleaning today! Wife-sama: You already do that every day, Kou. It’s not much of a bribe. (Husband goals) And Hana, we have other snacks at home. Caramel is bad for your teeth. Bokuto: But babe! Wife-sama: I said no, and that’s it. Hana: Mama!

It was just this repeated for like 10 minutes with Bokuto and Hana-chan alternating their whines. I would have snapped after 5 times but wow, this lady has the mental fortitude of Fort Knox.

They both sulked and followed her around as she finished her shopping. I can tell Hana is Bokuto’s daughter because her hair droops down like his and a cloud forms over her head. It was practically magic.

In the end, they bought one (1) salted caramel popcorn because Wife-sama is too soft-hearted and they literally clung onto her for 5 minutes peppering her with kisses. And Bokuto actually lifted her in his embrace. In the middle of the sweets section. Where everyone was looking.

Needless to say, she was very very red.

Comments [Anon]: Conspiracy theory: factoring in Bokuto’s godlike physical ability, inhumane and endless sunny disposition, his hair’s ability to reflect his moods, it can be concluded that Bokuto is, in fact, a God.

[Anon]: Well someone has a big brain

[Anon]: Wait then Wife-sama would be a Goddess. Gasp SHE DIDN’T WANT PEOPLE CALLING HER KAMI-SAMA BECAUSE IT WOULD BLOW HER COVER

[Anon]: Oh yeah, it’s all coming together

[Anon]: I can kind of see Bokuto and Hana sneaking in sweets and snacks into the trolley while Wife-sama isn’t looking lmao

[OP]: THEY ACTUALLY DID THAT I nearly ran into them again and heard her berating Bokuto for sneaking in chocolate and shoving it beneath all the meat so she wouldn’t notice. My man, please. You can never outsmart your wife.

[Anon]: Next time I go to the MSBY fan meeting, I’m bringing all the sweets I can for Bokuto and Hana. It’s the least I can do.

[Anon]: They’re so cute and I can’t wait for the MSBY match in three days where Bokuto’s family is going to attend. I promise I’ll post about it afterwards.

[illegal-brains]

Surprise Midnight Picnic

Criminal Minds Male x Female Reader

Contains: Mention of Child death/abuse, eating/food, fluff

For a first fic you’d think I’d go easy but I wanted to try a fic where you didn’t know who I was talking about for a lot of it, it seemed like a fun thing to try. I don’t fully reveal who it is until the very end but you could probably guess. 

Your phone buzzed on the table next to the stack of paperwork you were doing. You were working on finishing up the paperwork after a particularly rough case. Children kidnappings, three children lost and the one the team had thankfully found alive was going to need a lot of therapy, not to mention the case took place one town over from your hometown. Something so devastating happening so close to your old home was disturbing to say the least. The bullpen was mostly empty, save for yourself and the last members of the team packing up. You picked up your cell and read the message on your screen.

“Meet me at my apartment in an hour. The paperwork can wait.”

Despite not knowing what was he had planned, you recognized it had to be better than this paperwork. You usually stayed the latest and finished all of it in one night so you didn’t have to do it more than one day, but this was a case that needed an exception. You grabbed your bag and headed out for your car. Trying to ignore the images of the kids’ bodies you drive your car to your apartment and even though you’re tired you decide to get ready, changing out of your professional dress clothes into comfier jeans and a t shirt with an old band on it, Electric Light Orchestra. “He’ll love this,” you thought to yourself. You checked the time and realized it was time to leave if you were to make it to his apartment in the hour time block, so you started up the still warm car and headed over. 

You knock on his door and find a tall, handsome man standing there with a small smile breaking across his lips. He was dressed similarly, in soft 90′s style pale jeans and a well-loved t shirt of the same band.

You point to his chest and you both realize your accidental matching shirts and laugh together. “Great minds think alike, huh?” He wraps a long arm around you and pulls you inside, closing the door behind you. 

“So,’ you start, while he has his hands on your hips and yours on his chest. “What are you planning in that head of yours?” You asked. You smiled, albeit weakly. “I know this case was tough on you. It was tough on all of us, but especially being so close to where you grew up. You need something after that. Here,” He hands you the keys to his car. “Go out there and get in the car and start it for me. I’ll be out in five.” 

“Can’t I know-” “No. Go wait for me.” He leans down, brushes a little hair out of your forehead and gently kisses you there, then pushes you towards the door.”

“Okay okay I’m going,” you respond. You head down and start his car, locking the doors and keeping an eye out for your partner. You knew better than to just sit in an unlocked car late at night. Sure enough five minutes later he comes out, and puts something in the backseat, something you can’t make out because it’s covered in a blanket.

“Can I know now?” You ask the moment he sits in the driver’s seat. 

“No,” he laughs. “You’re an impatient one, aren't you?” He holds your chin is his hand and brings your face close to him. “Just tell meeeeee,” you whine, only to be answered with a small kiss and being pushed back into your seat. He drives, his sharp profile illuminated by passing streetlights, which quickly fade to be far and few. 

Finally, the car comes to a final halt on a dusty dirt road, the headlights shutting off the same time as the engine. “Okay, now you’ve really stumped me. Where are we? What’s your plan?” You ask, your hands up in defeat. He smiles again, something not so common, which makes it all the more beautiful, but doesn’t answer you. “Come on!” He says, and grabs the something from the backseat and opening his door, with you doing the same. He takes off, his long legs taking lengthy strides. “Come on!” He shouts again, over his shoulder. “Keep up!” 

You give chase, all the way up a hill and stop at the top panting. For an older guy who was running on probably less sleep than you were, he sure seemed to be full of energy. He uncovered the thing with a flourish and you realized it was a basket. He lay the blanket down and sat down, encouraging you to do the same. 

He smiles a little sheepishly and says “I got all your favourites, I ran by the grocery store on my way home. I knew that case being so close to your hometown made it difficult, but you didn’t let it affect your quality of work. As your boss and as your boyfriend I’m impressed with your performance on this case.” He unpacked all of your favourite fruits, and two sandwhiches with your favourite toppings, and two glass bottles of soda. You were touched he would do all of this for your, especially since you knew he was just as tired as you were. You thanked him with a simple kiss to forehead. He put a toned arm around your waist and pulled you close. His head rested on top of yours as you two toasted your sodas and looked up at the starry sky. 

You then picked your head up and your eyes met his dark ones, positively sparkling from the stars. “I love you, Aaron Hotchner. Thank you.” 

He smiles and kisses you again. “Of course.” 

[theblackbirdsgemimagines]

Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.

A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB

THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL

Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek

Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.

Dorm Leads:

Riddle

GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁

I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️

He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭

Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs

Leona

👁💧👄💧👁

.....I am a Mere Simp....

Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj

Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....

Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*

Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭

Does this make me a furry

Probably

I am too Simp to Care Anymore

I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ

FUCK

Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED

Azul

He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU

The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol

...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj

Kalim

FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E

He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)

Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd

He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡

Vil

Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj

My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜

Canon: Vil is pretty~.

Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...

Idia

I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj

Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol

What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.

Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕

Malleus

HEAVY BREATHING

Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd

BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...

He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....

I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!

HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭

This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤

DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-

Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol

No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj

Vice Dorm Heads:

Trey

Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~

I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚

The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞

Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)

He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj

But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.

Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭

I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗

Leech Twins (?)

Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol

THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)

The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.

The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.

This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚

Jamil

I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs

I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭

AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗

Rook

God. FUCKING Rook, lol.

IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs

HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao

Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬

STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk

He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak

Lilia:

GOD.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.

I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.

I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-

Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺

THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS

Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T

The Spencer to your Carly.

He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs

He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤

Extras:

Ace

God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk

Deuce

THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY

The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.

If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.

But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭

Cater

Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡

Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡

Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj

Jack:

H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G

Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭

If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad

How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It

Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛

God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛

I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭

I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞

Sebek

CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-

He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU

I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚

Silver

HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺

Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞

Ortho

IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙

Cheka:

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!

Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭

I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡

I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭

Teachers:

Dire Crowley

Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god

Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir

Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN

Crewel

Ew.

Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ

UncoMFORTABLE

Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R

Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj

Trein

The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj

Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~

Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️

Vargas

Found the womanizer //SMACKED

And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!

He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭

I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙

[idlecreature]

the buried fic comment from hell (it's so long i'm SO SORRY, I GOT EXCITED)

DEL.. I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO LEAVE A LONG ASS COMMENT ON UR BURIED FIC IN PUBLIC….. SO I’M DROPPING IT HERE i’m so sorry in advance this is about to be a mess,, i’m so fucking emotional right now

((the review under the cut is in response to my fic which can b read here))

okay first –

The mental image of tiny gangly Barnabas and Jonah crouched with their hands in the dirt….. is so fucking cute?? I could feel Jonah’s jealousy just burning off of him. You had me right away. Fuck. You know how to open a story and I’m deeply envious, I’ve always struggled with it. Also, you threw in that little hook:

Despite what Jonah believes, there are some things that just can’t be explained in words.

Barnabas’ voice is so fucking good… guh… you know. I didn’t much care about Barnabas in any deep way before I joined the Jonah server and you guys have all just completely GUTTED me, I can’t believe how much I care about this highly-strung bastard,, he is so GOOD. HE’S SO GOOD???? HE’S SUCH A SWEETIE. LIKE. BARNABAS FEELING GUILTY AND HORRIFIED THAT PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL TO HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND???? AAAAAAAAAA. And the melancholy aspect, too, which I imagine is how Mordechai was able to relate to him, get attached to him… Barnabas being bitter about how useless his tears are while he’s crying anxiously at the prospect that he might not be able to help those families after all…….

All of those scraps of Barnabas’ letter to Jonah made such EXCELLENT transitions, holy hell. Again I am inspired by your storytelling prowess. I am taking notes, for whenever my ability to write longform fic returns from war. This one was my favorite, made my heart clench:

A good world starts with a good person and a few choices that are made with the heart—

He’s so earnest I’m going to weep ;_; Barny.. you can’t make Jonah a better person he’s AWFUL,,

(Side note, super digging that I can indent stuff, block quoting makes this SO much easier.)

Also really digging that Jonah doesn’t have as nice a reputation as Barnabas… Jonah is the bad influence friend lmfao. AND JONAH’S CAT… I LOVE HIM…

And then you delivered a swift blow straight to the religion kink, as promised… “There’s something undeniably old testament about Jonah; the fire and fury of creation, the self-annihilating stare of Lot’s wife.“ LOSING IT I’M LOSING IT… WHAT A WAY OF DESCRIBING HIM God, here I thought I couldn’t possibly be more attracted to this bastard man. I am aghast at myself.

LOSING IT EVEN MORE OVER BARNABAS STACKING TEACUPS ON JONAH’S HEAD???? Why must you make them so fucking cute oh NO this is going to hurt isn’t it. ((This was the note I stuck in the Word doc while I was reading it and I thought I’d leave it as was for your enjoyment))

“Taking cues from your dreams?” Barnabas replies. “You know only the desperately mad do that?” 

“Or desperately inspired—savants and prophets and visionaries.”

And then you continued to try to kill me… Jonah thinking of himself as a prophet……. hhhhh canon-typical overambitious zealotry I’m HERE FOR IT………

“Are you trying to make me angry with you by playing the devil’s advocate?” 

“Just testing you,” Jonah says in his alloyed voice, silver-and-honey-gold. 

Del I cannot stress enough… My religion kink………. It’s been SO VERY ACTIVATED.

“Your morality has only ever been a thin cover for your shame.”

OUCH, JONAH, JESUS

Every bit of their dialogue was so familiar and tinged with bittersweetness and I owe you my entire life… Sincerely. Ugh. Like, how you described Barnabas’ internal angst about it later on – when he’s thinking of Mordechai, and he refers to "his many dog-eared fantasies” about Jonah it just really vividly conjured the thought of he and Jonah having a sort of? Queer solidarity, ESPECIALLY having grown up together. And that makes Jonah’s flash of betrayal at Barnabas not wanting to be SEEN with him that much more agonizing, personally. Like. I’ve had that happen to me more than once in real life. And much as Jonah is a piece of shit who is absolutely manipulating him………. still, ouch. Ouch. (Barnabas’ thoughts on the company Jonah keeps also made me wince. You did an AMAZING job with all of the internalized shame and frantic rationalizations, hooooooboy.)

The Lukases being colorblind is such an interesting piece of lore by the way I love it????? Now I have. Some questions, about Peter. Mordechai’s characterization in this is so fascinating to me. I’m enTRANCED by how you reverse-Uno’d it so that Barnabas was the reason Mordechai lost himself to the Lonely… the power dynamics……. so tasty. Ugh. And all of the sensual descriptions, especially of that first visit Barnabas had at Moorland house?? I didn’t clip any because I would have ended up clipping the whole fucking thing. It was aching, haunting, beautiful, holyshit. Their romance is somehow more fucked up than Barnabas and Jonah’s…

Also, I was so eager to read this I skipped the tags/warnings and completely didn’t realize Mordechai was going to be an actual vampire so that was a VERY fun surprise lmfao.

Barnabas feels like he’s close to learning something about violence and desire, how close they are, how the wires can get crossed.

THIS QUOTE IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEE ugh I’m having an aneurysm over how Jonah managed to fashion Barnabas into a creature that could understand him by gifting him to Mordechai for a while… letting Mordechai crack him open at the points where he was already brittle and experience an influx of some of the true darkness of the world. Just a tasty taste. That way when he discovers the truth of Jonah’s occult interests he won’t run away, because he’s already got his own fingers in the mess. He’s already given himself to one horror, why not Jonah? Shave some of the shine off of his morality, make him nice and gray so he won’t contrast so much with Jonah… And satisfying his curiosity at the same time. Two birds.

Oh, also, still sobbing about this line:

he realises that he doesn’t want to wear any colours that Mordechai can’t properly see.

EVERY TIME I let my guard down for ten seconds you smacked me with more of Barnabas being the most precious bleeding heart in the universe!!!!!! He aches so much for the people he’s trying to help and he hates people like Mordechai but part of him also wants to save Mordechai, somehow… maybe recognizes the parts of him that are like these people, still. Nearly faded but not quite gone yet. And as you’ve already established, Barnabas simply cannot let things go. Can’t disappoint people… can’t leave them when he could be doing something. Anything. Augh, FEELINGS.

Of course he knew Mordechai and Jonah were friends, he’d just temporarily believed in a sane and fair universe where things like this don’t happen. 

AND YOU HAD SUCH A PERFECT BALANCE OF HUMOR… This could have been such a feelbad fic, and tbh it still would have been spectacular. But you always eased it at just the right moment to keep it from going off the rails into irretrievable deepdark territory. Fed me little soft moments so I’d still be vulnerable enough to have my HEART RIPPED OUT LATER…

I’m not super interested in the Buried canon-wise but I love how you’ve written Barnabas’ natural affiliation with it… so subtle but powerful? (Of COURSE Jonah was jealous, lmao. He had to work so hard and he’s still not on Barnabas’ level. There’s some kinda beautiful commentary on ambition versus goodwill in there somewhere but I’m too busy nursing my battered little heart right now to articulate it.) It wove its way in and out of the rest of the plot so naturally, too. For some reason it compliments Barnabas’ temperament as I read it in canon just… so well. Was there a discussion about this on the server, and if so, PLEASE tell me about it sometime I’m so fascinated.

Jonah wasn’t even present for a lot of the fic but his characterization was so INTENSE and luminous, Christ… I know I already praised it a bit but. Woof. I wasn’t expecting to get a taste of his POV at the end and I was so excited I kicked my feet (my cat was very disgruntled) like, this line!!!

Now, he thinks there’s some truth in those false statements, in the lies we tell and why we want to be believed.

GOD, YOU’RE REALLY GONNA GIVE ME FEELINGS ABOUT JONAH AND FUTURE-JONAHLIAS IN THE SAME FIC?????? EVIL… I’m so so so fucking here for it, oh my God, Jonah with an amplifying anxiety disorder, THE PRICE OF IMMORTALITY… too bad the Eye doesn’t let you see the future, Jonah, lmao… the line “immortality just made his anxiety turn nuclear” is SEARED into my brain now, I am NOT accepting canon to contradict this ever again. I’ve always wondered how Jonah’s neuroses might have worsened in two entire fucking CENTURIES and I love the way you wrote it. I am fucking. Losing my mind.

There’s so many other things I could comment on, like. The brief but glorious Jonah-grinding-himself-off-on-Barnabas’-thigh shenanigans. Was incredibly hot, and Mordechai’s poor fragile heart breaking, and Barnabas telling Isabel that it’s fine to call him Barny…….. I’m hhhhhhhhHHHH fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m just!! I am incomprehensible!!! Everyone told me this fic was amazing but it’s fucking amazing, Del, what the hell. I’m never gonna be the same after this. The end was SHOCKINGLY sweet and I have WHIPLASH.

………… So, now that I’ve made you read a novel. Hah. Sorry. My point is. I loved every bit of this. It deserved heaps more praise but my eyes are starting to cross. Thx for sharing :’) 

Love,

Tony xx

TONY. TONY THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. FIRSTLY I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS. SECOND OF ALL, THANKS TO YOU I’LL BE SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOREVER HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THIS REVIEW HAS AFFECTED ME? IT’S THE BEST FEEDBACK I’VE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE A FIRSTGRADER GETTING THEIR FIRST GOLD STAR I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD LIKE I COULD THROW THE JEWEL OF THE SEA OFF THE SHIP AND LEAN OVER THE RAILINGS BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE AROUND ME TONY IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN A FIREPLACE KEEPING ME WARM THROUGH THE WINTER MONTHS I LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR THIS YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CHAMPION IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW I WOULD FRENCH KISS YOU WITHOUT HESISTATION UNTIL THE BOTH OF US HAVE RUN OUT OF AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING BLESS YOU TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[radramblog]

a perfectly normal tierlist

Well I’m at that point where it’s late, I’m tired, and im out of ideas. That’s right motherfuckers its time for a tierlist. I dunno which to do though, so let’s just hit the random button aaaand

…wait, there is no random button. Ok, sure, I’ll just close the old eyes and pick the first one I see that I can actually have an opinion on. No takesies backsies, unless it’s like american sports or something. aaand here we go.

…aww fuck.

Mistakes are being made.

Shit tier

ABO: Aside from the fact that it’s based on a flawed study that has been solidly discredited no matter how many right-wing grifters try to sell alpha chad pills, this shit is 100% horny on main all the time and not in a way I find particularly appealing. I can’t say I’ve intentionally read anything tagged with this shit, because seeing it on a taglist actively reviles me.

Soulmate AU: Most of the AU stuff is lumped together elsewhere, but this one has a special place in the colder, more shrivelled bits of my heart. I’ve yet to see this used anywhere other than to justify someone’s OTP in universe and skipping all the, yknow, interesting stuff. Like there’s enough of it out there that I’m sure someone has made an actually good fic out of this. But not for me.

Bang or Die: Save it for the hentai, you horny fucks.

Sex Pollen: I don’t know what this is, but I don’t like the sound of that.

Miscommunication: Do you want to read a 100000 word fanfic based around the absolute worst trope in romantic “comedy”? I sure as fuck don’t!

 Bad tier

Amnesia fic: Jace Beleren is the only character who gets away with this shit, and even then I’m getting pretty sick of it. If I’m interested in reading about a character, I’d rather read about them, not the post-death-of-personality husk that inevitably leads to bad angst.

Arranged Marriage: Another shitty romance trope to force your leads together. Yawn.

Baby fic: When I was younger I ended up seeing Just Go With It in cinemas for stupid reasons and it’s just this and it wasn’t good

Sharing a bed: I’m not sure what this refers to, unless it’s like, being forced to share a bed because shenanigans, hilarity ensues, which doesn’t sound like the best time.

Pregnancy fic: This is not my kink.

Love Triangle: I’ve seen this play out in real life and it’s ugly, and those examples were relatively low-key. Maybe once I read one that turns into a polyamorous throuple I’ll change my mind.

Mutual Pining/Unrequieted Love: Part of the problem with a lot of the media that gets romantic fanfiction is that they never actually bite the bullet with the romance, just tease that shit for years and years. I’m not sure why you’d want more of that for your wish-fulfillment.

Meh tier

Fix-it-Fic: Undoubtedly whoever is writing these have a different definition of “fixed” than I do. My main issue with these, however, is that a lot of them are for things with perfectly fine endings that just didn’t have the ship they wanted or were not a happily ever after. With that in mind, some of them are pretty golden (TLCstuck comes to mind).

Angst/Hurt and Comfort: I graduated from angsty teenager to depressed adult a long time ago.

Bodyswap: Your Name is overrated. (editor’s note, Raderph has never seen Your Name.)

Crackfic: The most hit or miss thing on this entire list. Good crackfics can be absurdist brilliance, bad ones are late 00’s randumb but somehow worse. With that in mind, crack ships can be a lot of fun.

All these generic-ass AUs: Man I gotta probe someone’s mind who’s into this stuff, because it’s never appealed to me. If I’m looking at an AU, I’d much rather it be characters in an actually interesting scenario or world rather than just Starbucks or Hogwarts with the serial numbers filed off. Throw ‘em in Mad Max or something, not Jane Austen. You get the idea.

Huddle for Warmth: As a Perth bloke who’s never experienced snow this is completely unrelatable to me.

Enemies/Friends to Lovers: Look I’m a refined homestuck fan we perfected this shit 10 years ago.

Dark Fic: Another hit or miss one, but unfortunately the majority of them are pizza cutters. All edge, no point.

First Kiss: Romantic awkwardness can be cute, but my cringe threshold is often too low for the high school shenanigans this tends to entail. With that said, I’m writing about fanfiction tropes on my tumblr blog, so maybe the cringe was inside me all along.

Time Loop: This is in meh because I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever stumbled across it in fanfiction but also I can’t imagine it’s done well that often.

 Ok tier

Gen fic: …doesn’t this just mean a fanfic that isn’t a crossover or a shipping fic? That this is separate here implies that it’s notable when a fic isn’t one of those things, which…. is depressingly fair.

Crossover: Lotta bad ones out there. Lotta good ones. If it’s a crossover with two things I really like I’m probably gonna enjoy it, and some- particularly those where it’s basically just an AU with characters from one universe slotted into another- work nicely imo.

Humor: why is this a tag yes I like it when things are funny a lot of people aren’t going to be funny though

Major Character Death: Fuck me up. I wanna cry motherfucker.

Slow Burn: I can’t even justify liking this to be honest. I think it’s a lot like how slice of life anime go, where its just characters you like doing things and slowly developing characterwise and relationshipwise. Which if you like it you like it.

Fluff: Fuck me up. I wanna cry motherfucker. (but of joy)

In vino veritas: This is a pretty dumb trope but I can’t help but enjoy it. Sloppy drunken makeouts into morning after oh god what have I done is extremely unfun in real life but pretty funny when it happens to someone else.

Missing scenes: But what if I want to see what happens when Barry gets his pokemon’s teeth kicked in by Jupiter, huh? This is just wish fulfillment for trivia/minutiae nerds, which unfortunately I am one of.

Fake relationship: Another dumb trope that I cannot defend. It’s a cute dynamic that often really works. don’t judge meeeeee

 Good tier:

Established Relationship: If I want to read about my ship, I want to read about them being in a relationship, which means that if it was already established and we could skip all the BS that’d be great……… is this so hard

Unhappy ending: Fuck me u-okay not doing that a third time. Sometimes you’re sad and you want somewhere to put that sad. With that in mind, the meta-unhappy ending, AKA a great fic that hasn’t been updated in years (I could name a few…dozen) is the worst fanfiction trope and I want it to go away.

Canon Divergence: I find “What if” a lot more interesting that fix-it stuff because the former has variety. It’s really interesting to see events from a story divert and follow different beats, so long as those beats make sense to the overall context.

 God tier:

Porn without plot: Presented without comment.

[cubanmalefootlover]

In the line of duty

How is it possible a heroic spirit inside a super ticklish body? An unflagging, tenacious soldier could have the answer…

 Corp. of the USMC Dustin Coleman looked completely different when he was off-duty and wearing his normal clothes. He’s like any average 21 years old and happy boy, trendy, outgoing, always smiling, very chatty and playful. But today he’s dressed in camouflage uniform, cap and boots because he’s been sent to this odd country at the other side of the world, too far from home. He missed his parents, friends, parties… However, he had to give his best in this mission, defrauding was not an option.

Following strict orders, Dustin and a dozen of highly trained men arrived at the city to eliminate the last remnant of terrorists in this zone, although they were ambushed and brutally attacked. After several days of bloody skirmish and chaos, Dustin and four others survivors discovered that those terrorists were actually government collaborators disguised as terrorists. A week later, Dustin opened his eyes in a supposedly hospital government, but there’s no trace of any member of his squad. Very concerned and having confirmed his suspicions of a plot, he managed to take a jeep and ran away. He had to report to his superiors about a few interesting things.

Dustin was driving through this unwelcoming land, winding around the rough path with care. The enemy had shown to be well-prepared and how perfidious they could be with foreign troops. Tired, more than twenty hours without sleeping, paranoid, thirsty and hungry, Corp. Dustin Coleman had no time to think in his own misery. Every mission was loaded with real danger and any day could be the last, but he didn’t fear for his own life.

Dustin was scanning all around with eagle eye. He was focused in the road when a twinkle made him look at the right side of the horizon. In the direction of the flicker he saw a house still standing among a few ruins of small buildings, very common in this zone of the country where remains of bombarded towns appeared in sight. Out of the blue, strange noises started coming from the jeep's engine.

-What the fuck’s going on?

He tried to ignore it and kept driving as fast as he could but as he got the level of the wrecked houses, it stalled completely.

-Great, now I'm screwed! –he grunted.

The young man jumped out of the jeep to check the engine. While he was busy in his task, he saw a large cloud of sand coming to him.

-Shit! Is this real? This isn’t happening. No, no, noo… this isn’t happenin’!

He stared at the house about five hundred of meter from him. It’s dark from soot and looked gloomy. It must be uninhabited. His soldier instinct warned him not to go, but stay in the road under the sandstorm wasn’t an option. Not a safe place to get sheltered except that wrecked house… “Damn it!” He swallowed hard and took his M16, a knife and ran toward the house.  

“Looks like nobody’s been here for a while”. He stepped forward as if he were in the battle field.

He looked at the door hesitantly. Then he pushed it and saw a family having lunch. The members of the family stopped eating and stared at the soldier in shock. Dustin aimed his M16 over them. All they stared intently till an older woman said something in their language and a twenty-something girl, probably her granddaughter, translated with anguished voice:

-Don’t hurt us, please…

Dustin stepped inside watching all around.

-We don’t have arms or anything… -spluttered the young woman.  

Dustin looked at her better; she had a small body and pretty face. When he was sure there wasn’t anyone more and no danger, he relaxed just a bit.

-Are you the only one who speaks English? –he asked her. She nodded with fear. The view of this American soldier, with those piercing eyes, aiming his powerful rifle to them got her goosebumps. He was young but looked very dominant and obviously capable to kill them all in a jiffy.  

They looked accustomed to this kind of presence and seemed harmless. Their haggard bodies and sadden faces betrayed too little strength to fight or even escape. This people had nothing to offer him except water and shelter until the sandstorm finish. He made a gesture to they continue their poor lunch. They ate two more bites and the women ran to the kitchen. Dustin followed all them the whole time. The women came back with a bunch of saucepans which placed diligently on the tattered table.

-This is for you, sir… -said the same small, pretty-faced young lady.  

-No, thanks… -he reluctantly mumbled, feeling really grateful because this people offered him their better food.  

The men had closed the windows as better as they could and now were blocking up remaining holes. It worked because the sand kept outside. The food smell filled the place; everyone was satiated except the starving soldier. Dustin was looking at the banquet with a stoic face. Poor boy, his stomach was rumbling like hell; he could eat a horse! There was no hope in the middle of the desert, above all under a sandstorm. He finally sat in a chair and started devouring ravenously: meat, vegetables, bread; local cuisine, but succulent. The members of the family stayed all together to the soldier could watch them.  

When he finished he waited in a corner close the main door. The monotone sound coming from the sandstorm acted as relaxant; he began to feel less tensed and chatted with the pretty-faced girl, the only one who spoke English. She told him her family was thanked that his troops had come to her country to help them against the terrorists. He told her everything was confused and what had happened to his squad with very little details. She told him that sometimes things are not what they seem. He sensed her last words slightly menacing, but he thought it was just his paranoid subconscious.

As he usually did when he met a cute girl whom he wouldn’t have any later relation, Dustin didn’t worry about asking her name, only things in common. She liked sports, parties and hang out with friends like him. She was apparently excited about having found her soul mate and didn’t take her big green eyes off his tall, wiry build encased in his camouflage uniform that made him look authoritative and dominant as he behaved.  

He didn’t even notice when his eyes began to close during the talk… As soon as the girl heard his snoring, every member of the family helped to carry him to a back room.

Dustin woke up with a startle. Blinking repeatedly his eyes, he noted that he was in a bedroom, probably in the same wrecked house. He tried to sit up but his wrists and ankles were strapped with thick ropes to the legs of the bed forming a big X on the mattress. The sunlight coming from the windows made him see two things: the sandstorm was over and the sunbeam angle indicated it’s been three-four hours since the jeep had stalled in the road. Next he distinguished the nine silhouettes of the family members coming out of the semidarkness. The older man said something in their language. The young cute woman approached to the bed:

-He says that this was your last food… Now you will stay here until you die.

-What?!! That’s crazy! –Dustin yelled. He struggled with all his might to no avail.

-Why did you do this to me??!!!! Are you all crazy??!!! FFUUUCK!!!

The ropes were strong enough and had been knotted properly to hold his sinewy, well-trained body in place for long time.  

-You can’t do this to me! –he roared-, I'm here to save you from the terrorists! I'm your friend! Hey you… girl… you have to help me!

The older man kept speaking angrily. Again the young pretty-faced woman deciphered:

-You will stay here until we decide how to finish you off…

Trying to not panic, Dustin managed to convince her to intercede on his behalf. Apparently she told her family exactly what he asked her to say, but they remained deaf to his arguments. The adults of the family went out of the room to talk far from the yells of the prisoner. Dustin continued struggling and kicking against his bonds; he vociferated tons of threats against all them if they don’t let him free immediately and the fate they all would face for hurting an American soldier.  

Two little boys found this situation funny; they started playing each other in a childish fight. The intimidating soldier tied up on bed must seem an amusing situation since they jumped on the bed as well imitating his awkward pose and gestures. One boy accidentally poked his side and he withdrew his torso. Then the other kid, trying to hit his brother, jabbed the other side of the powerless soldier and he jerked uneasily. The boys must have noticed this and began to prod playfully his both sides, making him jump and chuckle.

-Hehe-hey kids hohoho don’t do that… -He tried to look as angry as he really was, but his lips got distorted in smiles as he was touched.

The boys giggled and spoke in their language which turned Dustin more annoyed. The young woman, who was watching the whole scene, grinned mischievously and called the elder man. They talked and sniggered while watched from time to time to the captive in bed squirming helplessly.

-You’ll know ‘bout me as soon as I get out’f this, assholes!! –yelled Dustin.

All them surrounded the bed and stayed looking at him with empty eyes. It was eerie even for a highly trained man. There was something very strange in the eyes of that people that made him fear the worst. His hairs stood on end and a chill went down his spine.

-YOU ALL WILL PAY FOR MY DEAD! –he said with extreme seriousness. But all his words sounded worthless to them.

The elder man took a pair of scissors while another two men brought out knifes.

-What’re you gonna do to me??!! Hey! HEYYY!!! GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!!

Dustin tried to resist, but he couldn’t stop those scissors and knifes carefully cut away the strong camouflage fabric of his shirt and the undershirt until leaving Corp. Dustin Coleman’s slim torso naked. He went blush seeing himself in that situation. He was now so painfully vulnerable, just like a man like him NEVER should be. Dustin prepared himself to be slashed, burned, his nails or eyes pulled out, brutally beaten or who knows what kind of method of torture these people would conceive for him. This is war and this was his fate; he had to face it as a hero. He closed his eyes and waited when he felt someone sitting at his both sides. He opened his eyes and saw the elder man and probably his older son. They were watching intently his fit torso and stopped their devious gaze in his hairy underarms. After too much and distressing hours, unable to change his uniform and driving under the middle-east sun, his armpits were reeking with sweat. Dustin didn’t understand why, but soon he did when they brought their wiggly fingers to them. He shook his head a second before feeling those fingers landing in his skin. His body reacted before his mind could realize what was happening.

-Woowoohohono no no… C'hamon, men... C'mon! Hey-haha! Wait a fahackin minute..! Hahahohohooo-hehehehe… that tickles-that tickles… no… don’t!!

The men muttered something in their language. Dustin was now more infuriated than ever, but all he could do was squirm as much as he could to avoid the contact which was pretty difficult in his X-shape pose.

The elder man let his fingers pressure increase just enough to make Dustin jerk and twist with all his strength. He started to giggle harder.

-HAHAHAHAHA… C'mon men… No… no-no-no-NO HAHAHAHA!! Oh my Gad that tickles too much! Oh god OOHHOHOHOHOHOHO GOD NO HAHAHA!!

-They are not sure if this tickles you… -said the pretty-faced young woman.

-Of cohohorsse yehehessss!!! I'M FAHAHAHACKIN TICKLISH!!! Tehehell thehem stop hohohehesshh PLEEEEEHEHESSS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The elder man and his son slid their restless fingers down the prisoner’s sides and devoted to rub and knead them along the entire length of this very reactive flesh. Also fingering the soldier’s muscular biceps was too nerve-racking to him. Dustin broke into a deep belly laugh:

-AAHAHWW-NOOOOO...AGHHH-HAHAHAHAHA NOOO MEN… I CAN'T TAKE! I CAN’T TAKE IT… PLEASE DON’T DO THAHAHAT TO ME NO… NOHOHOHONO NOT LIKE THAT NOHOHONO NONOHOHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! AWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! STAP!!! I'M TOO TICKLISH! YOU SHOULD TORTURE ME IN OTHER WAY! NOT LIKE THIS! OHOHOHOHOHOSSHHIIT!!!!

One thing Dustin was always trying to hide about himself was the fact that he was explosively ticklish. Actually, he was the type of guy who loved and hated being tickled, but in this situation, he would have preferred to be tortured in other way. This people believed to have found out the perfect punishment for him. The look of panic on his face and his violent thrashing whenever the fingers touched his body was a spectacle worthy of being watched. He followed every move his captors made and did his best to jump out of reach, but all were fruitless efforts.  

-HAHAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! HELL NO… DON’T… HEHEHAHAHAHAHAAAWW!!!! NOOUHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA I CANT STAND THIS I CAAHAHAHAHNNTT!!! FUCK!! CHOOSE ANOTHER WAY TO KILL ME AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! YOU MOTHERFAHAHAHACKERSSEEHEHEHEHAHAHAAAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!

In a matter of minutes, Dustin was reduced to a hysterical mess. With his eyes filled with tears and sweating buckets, his skin glistened as if he’d just come from a hard training under the rain. He did a silly dance on the mattress trying his best to keep his willpower. Such scene looked borrowed from a grotesque movie: a helpless man was ravaged with tickling and he could do NOTHING to stop it.

Then one of the women cried. Everyone stared at him as if he were some kind of monster: his camouflage trousers had become a huge tent around his crotch. He peered down at the spot they were looking.  

-Oh shit… -he panted-. Tickling does that to me… Now you’d let me go?

All the members of the family retreated from the bed. Dustin sighed with relief thinking that the torture would stop once and for all. Perhaps they would be willing to free him and then disappear because he would take his revenge for having humiliated him so much.

The elder man threw some pieces of the torn shirt over his bulging trouser and again drew back, plotting another way to destroy the soldier, a more traditional, bloody way for sure. Dustin thought these will be his last minutes on earth. The children somehow realized there was something wrong with the upper body tickling, though they didn’t know what. Then they focused their eyes on the huge combat boots protruding from the bed and spoke to the adults. The elder man was reluctant, but after a persuasive talk he seemed to agree. Indeed, there’s another place which is as sensitive as the upper body and it’s located very far from the pudenda.  

Absorbed in his pray, Dustin hadn’t seen any of this until the sound of some stools dragged to the end of the bed made him stare over there. Two guys sat close the corners of the bed and started unfastening the strong laces of his desert boots. 

-No, no, no! Don't you dare YOU FUCKERS! -Dustin kicked against the ropes.

The knots of his Magnum men’s Elite Spider boots were taking too much time to loosen, so the captors brought their knives and shredded the laces.

-No nonono hold on! HEY… DON’T! DON’T TAKE MY DAMN BOOTS OFF!

They ignored him; their hands kept busily cutting the laces. As the soldier felt his boots being taken off, he knew he was doomed.

-We have tickled you too close of your private parts. This time we will tickle you far from your genitals –sentenced the pretty-faced girl as Dustin shook his head in total shock.

Dustin wore desert boot socks, slightly damp from sweat but they had no clue of smell. He swallowed hard and closed tight his eyes. The wicked men wiggled their fingers over the socked soles and scribbled them up and down the length of both feet. Dustin was in real trouble now, knowing perfectly that his feet were his most ticklish spot. He fought to repress his giggles and made futile attempts pulling his legs away from the ropes. Patiently, the men were testing every corner of these size 11 feet covered with suitable military socks. Dustin was responsive as if his feet were bare. They explored the heels, the arches, the instep, the ball of the foot, under the toes, in between the toes as much as the thick socks allow, on top of the toes and even the ankles. The room filled with boisterous laughter; spasmodic gusts of desperation poured from the soldier’s lungs in form of loud guffaws. Corp. Dustin Coleman got lost in TICKLE HELL. Incapable to keep his mind, he lost all control of himself and laughed unrestrainedly like never before in his life. Others member of the family took turns to have their own fun.

After about 10 minutes, they noticed the sheets around the victim’s body were bathed in his sweat. He was breathless, but was determined to endure this. Somehow he understood that his life depended on his resilience. The women threw more clothes over his private area since they realized that the tent in his camouflage trouser had grown even more, if it could be possible. “What size was the male organ of this American soldier?”, they asked with surprise.

Indeed, his throbbing cock was pumping hard against the strong fabric and leaking precum below his shorts. The tickling on his feet caused him stronger arousal, but since the fingers didn’t touch directly the skin because of the thick socks, he was still quite far from the climax; hence, if they kept tickling him through the socks the growing and non-consummated orgasm could shatter his strength. Right now Dustin wanted to cum more than else in the world. Even the fact of being freed and sent home wouldn’t make him feel better if his tormentors didn’t let him cum first.

Having caused such agony just through his thick military socks, some members of the family wondered how much they could harm him if they removed his last protection and did their evil work directly on his bare soles. The elder man was loath to uncover the prisoner’s feet, however he accepted. They pulled the soldier’s socks, exposing inch after inch of his feet and without more ado, they resumed the previous torture.

-OH MY GAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA…!!!!!!!!

Corp. Dustin Coleman went completely insane with tickling. The poor marine howled, ranted and shrieked as his ultra-ticklish soles were scratched with fingernails until he finally climaxed. It was the most thrilling orgasm he had ever had; he kept coming and coming in a nonstop orgasm until his sexual energy was totally spent and he collapsed from exhaustion.  

When Dustin regained conscious, he saw again the same room and knew it wasn’t a nightmare as he hoped. The sunbeam revealed that it was morning, so he had been sleeping 12 hours or more. Surprisingly, he wasn’t tied up in spread eagle, but he had only a manacle around his neck attached to the bed by a chain, so he sat up and stretched his aching body. He had still his camouflage trousers on and could feel the sticky mess in his shorts, but was too ashamed about stripping off his last clothe and stay nude in this crazy place filled with psychos. There was a tray with meal in the bed that he devoured angrily. At least these people weren’t going to starve him to death.

After noon, several persons came in the bedroom. They weren’t the family of the previous day. Dustin cried who were them. These new people said something Dustin didn’t understand. They forced him spread eagle again, took off his trousers and shorts and fastened his wrists and ankles as well, then they vented their anger on his body in the same odd way. In a matter of minutes, Dustin was in a state of ticklish dementia; his Adam nipple vibrated frenziedly and he got beetroot in a forced smile-grimace as they tickled and tickled the fuck out of him. Every of them wiggled their fingers all over his body, from his responsive neck to his super ticklish soles, including his private parts, so he reached orgasm soon and, shockingly, after he climaxed, they continued tickling him knowing that after the orgasm the ticklishness should peak.

Next day Dustin woke up with the neck manacle and the meal. Today he was stark naked. His green shorts, his uniform, cap, boots and socks were scattered on the floor. He was asking himself tons of things about his recent days when the door opened and another bunch of people entered in the room, these were different from the previous. Dustin was astonished! “All the fucking people of this country are coming here to tickle me?”, he thought in utter disbelief. “This isn’t happening!”  

Once again, Dustin’s hysteric laughter thundered against the walls for several hours. It was terrifying how two people grabbed his ankles within a leg-lock and held back his toes with one hand while used the other to scratch his exposed soles with no mercy. As well other people scribble their fingers on his armpits, down his sides, his ribs, nipples, abs, navel, inner thigh and calves. Corp. Dustin Coleman had been gifted with an average cock, about 6-7 inches long ―he used to measure it and compare with others guys― and medium balls. His orgasms were intense, at least that’s what he had experience so far. Nonetheless, in this bizarre situation, under the rapturous effects of the tickling, his cock had reached 13 inches long and his balls looked like goose eggs! He was beyond wonder, but he got used to it very quickly, after all some BIG genitals had been always his great dream! Perhaps, he thought, the penis and testicles grow when they’re properly stimulated, above all if the cock is also engulfed in a greedy mouth that gave him the blowjob of his life, which it was repeated many times all the while he was tickled. To make things better, he felt also a myriad of tongues licking every corner of his body. Needless to say he came countless times and after every climax he was, as expected, more and more responsive, so no one in world could imagine how he was feeling right now. He was miles away from Hell or Paradise, in a sort of limbo. He was completely out of himself in an endless cycle of agony and ecstasy, but what these people ignored is that Corp. Dustin Coleman had an exceptional stamina, so he confronted his fate with all his strength and good mood…

  Fourteen weeks after that day when Dustin’s jeep got stalled in the vicinity of those wrecked buildings, one squad of the company *** stomped in the deserted house. They had followed some traces that leaded them to finish the conspiracy and defeat all the terrorists in the area. One of those traces guided them where the jeep was, the rest was history… As they walked within the gloomy house, a half open door attracted their eyes. They pushed it and found a tall, wiry figure, it was a man and they recognized him quickly. Corp. Dustin Coleman was sleeping on the bed and buck naked as if he were in home. His hair had grown to his shoulders and was bearded. A look of despair twisted his nice looking face as soon as he saw his compatriots. He apparently had forgotten his English and was speaking the language of the country. In the infirmary he managed to claim that he had been tickled to no end every day by many people, but he was told again and again that he wasn’t tied up and that nobody lived in that house two years ago since the war started.

Dustin was sent back to United Stated and put in an asylum for a month, until he gave signs of recovery. He stopped talking about being tickled and behaved normally. His memories about that place looked a dream. Everyone assured him that they didn’t explain who had kidnapped him there since it was a ghost town, all the people had died during a bombardment a year ago. His kidnappers surely were terrorists.

  One year later, Dustin Coleman took a fly to Middle East. The town was still deserted despite the plan to rebuilding. Our veteran soldier rented a car and drove toward the gloomy house; he pushed the door as if he came home. The same family was inside looking at him without surprise. He was wearing his normal clothes, those that made him look like any 22 years old boy, cool, happy, uninhibited and friendly. He smiled and waved his hand, after all they knew him and he knew all them.

-Hey, guys –said Dustin in their language- this time I came to stay…

  The end