#joshua graham mentioned
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“Pray with me”
Self indulgent homoerotic, unspoken OC x Canon with christian undertones
#thoughts#art#not warhammer#oc x canon#fallout#fallout new vegas#fallout oc x canon#fandom#joshua graham x oc#i am going insane#hands#i love drawing hands#joshua graham mentioned#ahhhhh
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This has been my after work project for a week or so now. Wanted to make a tarot card for my favorite goody two shoes courier, Evie, and Joshua. Where my courier/joshua shippers at?!
#joshua graham#fallout new vegas#fallout nv#tarot#tw religious imagery#ash’s art#listen i’m not the best artist but i have fun#i just love these two. i started shipping courier x joshua when he said thank you for being with me#AND how it mentions in the epilogue talking him down softens him#joshua graham x courier
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Honest Hearts is by and large not a funny DLC but I get a chuckle out of the part where Joshua goes “He (*a prominent member of a tribal culture completely alien to mine) has fashioned himself an abomination before the eyes of the Lord (*the Mormon god, which he, once again, does not recognize at all.) I'm happy to serve as an instrument of divine justice (*by reviving the mass rape and murder campaign that I spent the past three decades orchestrating which, incidentally, was exactly what forced cultures like his into decline in the first place.)”
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Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones
This was to fulfill a couple prompts for whumptober, but some things happened in October and well... I just finished it. I’ll keep posting the rest of the fics/reacts that I did for whumptober as I finish them ^^
Theresea could count the number of regrets she has on one hand. Today, she'll add another.
Watching as Joshua Graham ruthlessly murders the White Legs makes her wish she sided with Daniel instead.
See, there's a difference between killing someone and murdering them. It's all about your heart posture. In war, killing happens all the time. Soldiers are ordered about like mindless drones and they have no choice but to obey. Even God's soldiers held no resentment for their victims.
Jesus once said that simply holding anger in your heart for somebody else was the same as murder in the Lord's eyes.
Now. Rese didn't know if Joshua's bible was the same as the one she was forced to read growing up, but even if that part wasn't, no one could say that what he was doing didn't constitute murder.
She could tell he was a hypocrite sure, but even she believed him for a split second when he said getting rid of the White Legs was seen as just a chore for him. Seeing him emotionless as he took life after life would've been preferable to this.
Based on what he told her, he should've even been remorseful with every kill, yet it was far from that. His words may have reflected such an emotion, but it was completely juxtaposed by the sheer joy he emitted with blood on his hands.
The glint in his eyes as he lands every shot. Blood spraying all around them. Rese barely has to lift a finger.
His focus as he shoves a woman's head underwater. He doesn't so much as twitch when the woman claws at him to try and regain her breath. Doesn't blink twice at her bloodshot eyes and sputtering mouth as he drags her head out just to shove it back in again. Every time she thinks he's going to stop, he does it again. And again. And again.
Rese tries her best to stay still, to stay uncaring, but it's getting to be too much. The woman barely has enough time to cry out to her gods before she gets shoved back under. Before Rese realizes it, she's wringing out her hands in a way she hasn't done since she was a child. She scowls and forces herself still once more.
Finally, she can't stand the sound of her crying anymore and yells, "Joshua!"
This snaps him out of his... trance or whatever that was. He stands up and puts a bullet in her skull.
He averts his eyes. "I was simply... trying to gather information."
Neither of them is stupid enough to pretend that he said a word the whole time or that he gave the woman more than a second to breathe, let alone speak.
Thankfully, Rese knew when to keep her mouth shut.
Of course, that wasn't the end of it. His eagerness is downright terrifying as he crushes a young teenager's skull against a rock, a sickening crunch is heard and when Rese opens her eyes, his boot is covered in blood and brain goo.
Her stomach churns at the sight and she's reminded of something he said before. Something about being happy and dashing little ones against the stone?
He looks at it distastefully, like his shoes getting brain matter on them was more of an inconvenience than anything. Rese, on the other hand, was trying not to audibly gag.
She regrets it the most when they get to the end and she has to be right next to him and witness his treatment of Salt Upon Wounds up close. Sure, the guy was one of the worst, but even he deserves a quick death. Joshua just keeps hitting him and hitting him and hitting him after every question. Like an afterthought. Like he was used to giving prisoners such brutality.
She frowns.
How could a man who wished to escape his past, act as if he never left it? It doesn't make sense. She winces at his final hit before letting her speak.
Salt Upon Wounds immediately starts begging for his life. He says Joshua is mad, brutal, evil. She agrees with every point and would have said so if the aforementioned man wasn't observing her so closely. She feels sorry for the poor bastard, but she's more fearful of Joshua than whatever bad karma this would grant her.
She wears a mask of indifference as she looks at Joshua and says, "Kill him."
He smiles. She couldn't see it under his bandages, but she could tell. Her mask almost slips with the amount of disgust she holds for him.
She looks at her nails as screams are heard and abruptly cut short.
Joshua walks up to her, pats her on the shoulder, and says, "Now let's get you out of here."
Rese commends herself for not shivering at his touch and smiles for the first time since this battle started, sweet and saccharine. "Yes please."
She couldn't wait to get away from this psycho.
#just a short lil drabble about how crazy joshua is and how my courier reacts to it :)#the only mention of the christian bible is in that beginning part btw. just to further show how he doesnt actually care about the book he#claims to follow. he just wants brutality#fallout new vegas#fnv#joshua graham#courier six#oc: rese#my ocs#salt upon wounds#honest hearts#violence#drowning#waterboarding
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hello white fallout new vegas fan. I want to play a game. in front of you is a native american. they are going to list their grievances with the honest hearts dlc. you have to listen without interrupting to justify the writing decisions made by the creators. fail to do this or mention the quality of joshua graham's character writing and the bomb collar around your neck will detonate, just like in the hit game fallout new vegas. live or die the choice is yours
#im literally so sick of it man#you know what im maintagging this fuck it#fallout new vegas#fnv#bee talk
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Okay I meant to add a little essay under this but only remembered to do it now lmao:
Story wise, Joshua does come across as the more terrifying man. A refusal to die even when going through one of the most painful outcomes of a botched execution, surviving solely off of spite. His stats are also intimidating, 10 Endurance, a man that won’t go down easily and a 75-100 in Guns meaning he’s very skilled with a firearm.
Comparing that to Caesar, a guy who sits on his ass all day with his highest stat being a 6 in both Strength and Endurance (has 100 in Guns, Melee and Unarmed, but Guns is ultimately useless. Melee and Unarmed would be impressive were it not him needing an entire guard around him at all times for “safety reasons”.)
However, beyond the in game symbolism and story potential of Graham, I find Caesar in a real world sense to be a scarier as he’s, well…more realistic.
Taking a look at especially modern day dictators, you don’t see men like Lanius, giant blood thirsty monsters in the literal sense. No, you see slowly dying, hypocritical old men, that allow war and all atrocities that come with it to take place in their name.
When you look at “male influencer” types, you don’t see smooth and suave characters like Vulpes talking to impressionable young men. No, you see loud, irritating men who spout pseudo intellectual bullshit that they don’t even understand to have a following.
Joshua can/has, arguably, fallen into this category (this comes from brain dead Redditors and the like using Joshua as a sort of alpha male influencer and completely looking over why “killing when done righteously is a chore like any other” Graham and “a little r*pe here and there” Sallow were the perfect combination for each other. (also a problem with Honest Hearts being racist and how else are some supposed to read it but that’s a story for another time lol)).
At the end of the day, however, when Joshua was backed into a wall, did anybody seem to defend him? Stand up for him? No. Caesar wanted him gone, and everybody under Joshua just followed and listened to their god, owner, and father.
Something something I find Caesar to be a much scarier person than Joshua could ever really be send tweet
#long winded#tw r4p3 mention#only slight but tagging just in case#fallout#fallout new vegas#caesars legion#edward sallow#joshua graham#text post
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Hate that you can't even mention how Honest Hearts and especially Joshua Graham being idolized and posted about uncritically by the fandom basically opened a door for racist Christian nutjobs to start feeling more accepted in the fandom when they used to be less of an issue due to NV being seen as the "queer fallout game" till Joshua became a fan favorite without hearing "let people enjoy things!!"
#like those fans have always been an issue yeah. but its very obvious the issue is worse currently than it was years before#like if you look at anything fallout related on tiktok your algorithm is very quickly switched to showing you hyper religious content#and general right wing shit#and unsurprisingly it comes from the overlap of fans who think theyre welcome to be insufferable bc joshua is and ppl think hes cool#vinny rambles#fallout new vegas
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No no but on the very thin chance they have a Joshua Graham cameo in Fallout Prime season 2 I would lose my ever living MIND. I would be frothing at the MOUTH. I would die RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
Even if they just casually mention that Some Guy is making trouble for some leftover legionaries while the gang is in New Vegas I will pause the show and proceed to make dying creature noises, ya’ll don’t even KNOW
#fallout#fallout prime#fallout tv#fallout new vegas#fnv#joshua graham#I’m telling you one could not even PAY me to shut up if that happens#in THIS economy
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Cannon Fallout Facts That are Wild:
Tw// Mention of Sucide
▪︎ Charon knows or is aware of the Beatles
▪︎ Charon is almost as tall as Legate Lanius
▪︎ Danse Loves it if you convince Virgil he should die, but only Dislikes Cannibalism
▪︎ Arcade Gannon's father's name was supposed to be Mark, and Arcade's middle name is Isreal
▪︎ The Lone Wanderer's Cannon birthday is July 13, making them a cancer
▪︎ You were supposed to kill your father in the og plot of bethesda's Fallout 3.
▪︎ There were supposed to be 12 neighborhoods in D.C. before being cut down.
▪︎ Joshua Graham was originally the Hanged Man in Fallout Van Burean, and you were supposed to find him tied up, hung by the neck.
▪︎ The sla'anter are a cut race of raccoon people.
▪︎ The Courier can be unaware of what fish are.
▪︎ Fallout 2 was the first game to include gay marriage (getting married in the game actually sucks though)
▪︎ There is a cut perk in Fallout 2 that indicates that you start the game as a virgin
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Okay but if The burned man is guy Fawkes then I think a reasonable argument could be made that an Independent Courier could be V
My bizarre Ceaser’s Legion headcanon thing:
JOSHUA GRAHAM IS GUY FAWKES FOR THE LEGION
‘Remember remember the fifth of November
Burning, failure and plot
I see no reason why the Burned Man’s treason
Should ever be forgot’
^ that is what the soldiers mean when they say the slaves are talking about the burned man again.
(Context- Okay so he’s a guy who tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament in 1605. He was in a group of 13 but he was the one tasked with blowing it up. He failed, and was hung drawn and quartered (standard way to kill traitors to the crown back then) And we celebrate ‘Bonfire Night’ (5th November) where we burn a ‘Guy’ a thing made to resemble a human to sorta represent that)
They have a big event on the day of the 1st battle of Hoover damn annually to celebrate, like how we do (for Mr Fawkes on 5th November)
Basically Guy Fawkes is a weirdly good way to think of Joshua: Joshua when a legion/ex legion courier approaches him and is like “omg!” And recites that rhyme at him and is like “we burn your body every year to celebrate”
Joshua’s life becoming a legacy/myth that the Legion burn efficacies of him to celebrate his death and the slaves whisper about how he will save them each year
I have more thoughts on this also but they’re for a later date
#Guy Fawkes was mentioned i am legally obligated to bring up V for Vendetta#Joshua graham#ceasers legion#fallout new vegas#v for vendetta
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Gently holds his cold hands…
#thoughts#not warhammer#oc x canon#fnv oc x canon#fallout oc x canon#fallout new vegas#fallout new vegas oc x canon#joshua graham x oc#joshua graham mentioned#oc x canon art#digital art#fallout#fnv#art#artist on tumblr#hand holding#premarital handholding#probably gay idfk#hands#art with warm lighting#old man save meeeeee#gay oc x canon#they are not together#but they should be
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Joshua Graham Character AI likes to mention his “piercing blue eyes” all the time. Made me think of this.
#joshua graham#fallout nv#new vegas#character ai#fallout#the sexiest and crispiest man alive#ash’s art
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Also I don't know why but a song I associate with Joshua as the Malpais Legate is "Leviathan" by Dirt Poor Robins. Something about how Malpais means badlands, him having an unhinged moment as seeing himself as a biblical disaster and unholy destroyer.
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Well this is certainly White Legs Conflict Coded: Joshua is always remarking on them and their “Great Salt Lake,” and Ulysses characterizes them in similar terms himself, “blood covered ghosts” and such. The other lyrics bring to mind that “vengeful spirit” archetype Siri introduces him as to the player: and you could take the repeated mention of lurking and concealment to allude to Edward’s disallowing of the mere mention of Joshua. Broke bitter bitch.
#music#asks#joshua graham#majortomiscominghome#I should probably expand on this in it’s own post but w/e:#I think the narrative of Honest Hearts suffers from the broader series’ refusal to confront their constant allusions to Native genocide#because it mandates that Joshua’s descent back into the level of cruelty he practiced as Legate#be presented as a wholly personal/moral failing rather than a specific & insidious ideology#which is both racialized and prevalent in the Mormon faith since it’s founding#(I mention this now because the lyric ‘for a thousand years I’ve been asleep’ brings to mind one of Daniel’s lines about Joshua)#(where he goes ‘secretly that violence never left him’)#but I can never comment on it with a straight face because like.#Joshua is not indulging in some meaningless individualized ‘violence’#the kinds of people that he targets for dehumanization matters. the kinds of people that he subjugates matters.
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ok. finished honest hearts. most of my inventory is plants and mushroom and Soups And Potions And Elixirs made from said plants and mushrooms. which is excellent.
the salt-upon-wounds confrontation was Tchruly garbo like. first of all they lit up ole josh before anyone even had the chance to say anything LOL that wasnt like Bad necessarily just rly funny. like yeah we can negotiate before anything breaks out *the camera pans to Jotchua Grams lifeless body on the pavement* but um second of all what the hell was that dialogue. "grrrr im gonna kill you" "[speech 75] no thats stupid. dont" "umm okei :) but i'll be back >:(" *runs away* Like. man. listen. throughout the entire dlc i Did Not want to be fighting all those white legs lol. i didnt know those people. you know i generally hate the Hostile By Default Irredeemable Canon Fodder Raiders crap and in this case its just especially egregious to me, with them being a Tribe and with me being some random ass normie strolling into the area getting instructed by the local white saviors. like, okay, since i Was getting involved, then if anyone deserved to Feel The Judgment Of Mine fall upon them it was in fact salt-upon-wounds with his track record of being a horrible fucking person. so i had to fight my way through all those white legs only for the Problem Guy to be like "Hm Okay. Deal. You Leave Forever And I Get To Live. Sounds Good. Sucker" like. fuck no. youre dead. this is for waking clouds husband how DARE you make my bald queen SAD
which btw i did encourage cloud to get mad at daniel for hiding that from her. like yeah girl dont take this shit from him. youre allowed to feel angry. who does he think he is. making decisions for the sorrows like youre all children. be mad at him. chase him out. tell him to never show his stinky mug around these parts. If You Want. ahh but then the ending slides said she forgave him.... well i suppose i have to respect her choice... but... cloud honey if you ever wanna team up and chase daniels stinky mug far away just give me a call
i also encouraged follows-chalk to go out there and experience the world outside... i really hated how he felt obligated to ask joshua permission, and how joshua was like Well 🥺 I wont tell him what to do but 🥺 Is it wise... I just worry about my foolish little lamb 🥺... like. Shut Uuuupppp.... chalk is an adult. i think. either way what do You know. jotchua. last time you ventured into The Civilized Lands (lol) you were a fucked up genocide army general so forgive me for thinking you might not have the most objective and up to date outlook here. Anyway. chalk come hang out sometime. come to the lucky 38. youll meet my epic swag friends and family. LOL bit of an aside but (mostly so i dont become insane because of the dlcs writing) i like to imagine that most of the time chalk expresses incredulity about some Civilized World Concept like gambling (-_-) or big dams or big weapons, hes literally fucking with you. like hes joking around. he used to mess with daniel and jotchua like that and now hes doing it with you. like Wow... How Strange... You Say It Is Called A... "Window".... 😂😂😂...
loving how the ending slides barely mentioned joshua also. like wtf happened to him. who knows. damn maybe he did die and i didnt even notice. im sorry jotchua. may your soul quickly find its way to NOWHERE lol #owned
final verdict: waking-cloud and follows-chalk are great, joshua graham is an extremely funny character, daniel is nothing to me, the area is cool, the plot is dumb as hell, the whole thing is racist, the quests are boring. 3/10
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sands of zion, part 4.
fallout: new vegas Joshua Graham x female courier reader
author’s note: i am tipsy, have this xxx
summary: the Dead Horses want to move against the White Legs, but Joshua doesn’t expect the consequences...
warnings: war antics, the usual fallout: new vegas violence warning lol
••●••••●••••●••
since your conversation about Caesar, Joshua Graham had been watching you closely. you hadn’t mentioned or even inferred anything about Caesar since, treating the name like a fatal curse if spoken aloud. you seemed sober compared to how Joshua saw you before that conversation. where you’d take the time to talk with the Dead Horses each day and learn new words, now you stayed quiet and only spoke when spoken to. in Angel’s Cave you avoided others, and politely regarded Joshua when he was nearby. you spent days doing nothing, sleeping in your bed or walking up and down the river.
it was as if merely talking about Caesar had taken the very spirit from you. and Joshua hated it. every day he awoke hoping that his prayers had been answered to find you back to your old self, but each day that passed he found himself losing faith in his God. if ghosts were real, then he was watching one walk around his camp that looked remarkably like you. Follows-Chalk had made several attempts at communicating with you, but nothing could get your mind off of the evil that was Caesar waiting for you back in the Mojave. how his assassins hadn’t made it here yet you didn’t know, and it made you overly paranoid. they could be watching, waiting in the shadows, seeing how far you could get before they grabbed you. you’d refused to leave the camp for anything that wasn’t immediately life or death business, and it was beginning to irritate the Dead Horses. if they got that annoyed with you, they could show you the way home and you’d never bother them again. but, there was still the problem of the White Legs to deal with before any of the inhabitants of Zion would show you the way home, so you had to deal with it soon. one day, amidst your paranoia, you awoke to loud, shouting voices coming from outside of Angel’s Cave. you didn’t decipher any of the speech clearly at first, then you heard your name being thrown around. darting out of bed, you grabbed your rifle, forgoing your trench coat or outdoor clothes, and burst out into the sunlight in your sleeping clothes. Follows-Chalk was stood against a group of Dead Horses members, attempting to placate them as they stared at you with anger in their eyes. Joshua was nowhere to be seen. your eyes scanned the river before you lowered your rifle. “what is all of this about?” you asked quietly, though you feared you knew anyway. “we can talk about this in a calm way–” Follows-Chalk began, but the voices rose against him faster than he could handle. you picked out a few words, and understood that they were complaining of your idleness in the recent weeks, and the threat of the White Legs you were meant to be aiding Joshua in eliminating. your lips pressed together in mild embarrassment, but you really could care less, because they had no idea who Caesar was and what he was going to do to you the moment this war was over. “send her to the White Legs if she’s so scared of them! we are ready to fight them, why won’t Joshua Graham make the move?” one woman yelled, anger distorting her features. the funny thing was that all of these women had braided your hair, taught you words and shared their food with you a handful of times before. now you were their worst enemy, save the White Legs. Follows-Chalk was doing his best, but you knew he was no match for angry women. the men stood further back, shooting you disapproving glares. they’d seen you as one of them many times, but now you were no better than a child. you put a hand on Follows-Chalk’s arm, and his worried eyes met your dead ones. you nodded and he stepped back, closing his mouth. you faced the group, eyeing up each one. “if you want to move against the White Legs, I will speak to Joshua Graham.” your words only did the bare minimum to quiet their anger. at the rise of more voices, you held up a hand. “do not forget that it has been me who has rescued one of your children, defeated dozens of your enemies and fought for all of you with my life many times over.” your voice was raised, built on a foundation of disbelief at their words. “I will finish this war, but not if you disrespect me any further. am I clear?” they all went silent, watching you. “am I clear?” you yelled, snapping. the women’s heads dropped and they moved back. the men bristled at your tone. “be ready to fight with your lives, if you can do that.” you looked at each one of them in the eyes, and felt every one of them staring into your soul. Follows-Chalk followed you quietly into Angel’s Cave as you sighed and held in a desperate scream of frustration. you barely remembered the last few weeks, it had been a big blur of nonsense. you’d finally realised how soon you were going to face Caesar and lose your life in the process, and yes, you had others depending on you, but they didn’t know half of what your life had been. “do you know where Joshua is?” you asked Follows-Chalk, as you unpacked your belongings in preparation for the fight of your life, which would soon be overshadowed by the fight you’d bring to Caesar. “he is making final preparations for the attack, or at least that is what he told me.” you nodded, smoothing your hair away from your face and sighing heavily. “thank you for trying to save my reputation back there,” you said, “it wasn’t worth it but at least they’ll fight alongside me now.” Follows-Chalk was at your side, a worried look on his sweet face. his hand rested on your shoulder. “what troubles you, Courier? you have been a ghost since...” Follows-Chalk didn’t finish his sentence because footsteps approached. your heads both swivelled to meet the owner, and it was Joshua. he seemed surprised to see you up and awake, organising your things nonetheless. “we can talk later.” Follows-Chalk eyes searched yours for any hint of a smile, and even though you faked one, it didn’t fool him. he’d grown to know much about you personally since meeting you, and that smile wasn’t like the ones he’d seen from you before. he walked away, feeling something uneasy about you. ••●••••●••••●•• you filled Joshua in on the near-uprising against you, and he agreed that a move against the White Legs was looking favourable. you both stood at his desk, moving around it as you mapped out the White Legs territory from several scout reports. Joshua didn’t mention your behaviour recently, he was just satisfied that his prayers had been answered at last, and content to be enjoying your company once again. you went back and forth all evening, hypothesising the best formations and plans. you briefly paused the debates to make dinner and start inventory of all the weapons available to the Dead Horses. there was a lot, the scouts had done well, and Joshua had tracked down some pre-War technology that had been made useful by tinkering and experimenting. the sun went down, and Joshua gave the order to be ready to move out at first light. you continued planning, poking holes in each other’s ideas, before you settled on one of Joshua’s plans. you liked it, it had the least chance of failure, and it would get you into the White Legs camp where you could do the most damage. the necessary Dead Horse members were informed of the plan, and you both tried to get some sleep. Joshua resorted to studying his holy book at some point in the night, and you had started to clean your rifle and organise your trench coat with its many pockets. neither of you spoke as you knew it would only serve as a temporary distraction from the real thing that would be upon you in a few hours. as the sky began to change with the rising sun, you both got changed and checked weapons one last time. you were attempting to braid your hair out of the way but it proved hard with a scattered mind. you gave up and let it sit behind your shoulders, sat on your old camping bed, when Joshua’s voice broke the silence of Angel’s Cave for the first time in hours. “may I...?” your eyes landed on him, and he was stood at the end of your bed, looking at your hair. you nodded and took off your hat, smoothing your hair down. he knelt behind you, taking your hair in three sections and beginning the braid. it was the simplest one, but it kept your hair out of your face. you sat there, staring at the walls of the cave and imagining your death. would a White Leg grab and slash your throat open? a stray bullet? an explosive? a brutal fist fight to the death? you didn’t even notice that Joshua was long finished the braid, and was still knelt behind you, just waiting. he was probably thinking, too. you turned around, facing him. the sight of him on his knees might’ve elicited a different reaction from you in a different life, but now it just made you sad. deeply and utterly sad. he looked up at you, and you looked down at him. “we’re losing time.” you said softly, feeling a strange knot in your throat. “we are.” Joshua watched as you stood up, slinging your rifle over your shoulder and leaving the cave. he stood, watching after you.
••●••••●••••●••
the atmosphere in the camp was different to that in the cave. where there’d been a sober silence broken only by a few meaningless words, out here there was a flurry of activity. shouts and chants rang out, splashing water, weapons colliding. last minute training and conversations went down at the same time, each Dead Horse member preparing in their own individual way to face the enemy. the elders and healers were blessing the warriors with marks and paint on their bare skin. some even began blessing the weapons held by the warriors, bathed in early morning light. you went to walk past the elders, who you assumed held dislike for you since your outburst yesterday, but one woman stopped you. she held out her hands, covered in paint, and you took off your hat, kneeling down for her. she was short and unassuming in appearance, but one look at her face told you that she’d seen more than you’d ever comprehend. her fingers danced over your face, making a mask of a warrior, and blessing you. she took your rifle from your hand and painted that too. a feeling of something you couldn’t quite explain went over you, like hands running through your hair, or a mother’s touch. suddenly, the old woman smiled, before turning away. she left you there feeling bewildered, strangely empowered, and ready to face the White Legs.
Joshua Graham had been watching the scene unfold from the entrance to Angel’s Cave. for some time now he had believed you to be a blessing sent by his God, or a divine being who he just happened to cross paths with. whatever you may end up being, he would spend the rest of his existence eternally grateful for you. the way you had accepted the Dead Horse tribe as your own, adhering to their customs and way of life so quickly. it may not have been your first port of call when you realised you were trapped here, but you soon realised what had to be done to survive, and Joshua could appreciate that.
he joined you by the river, taking the sight of you in before speaking.
“I see you have been blessed, by one of our oldest healers no less.” he could barely contain his urge to smile at you from beneath the bandages. you looked so proud for a moment, watching your reflection in the water. then you came back to reality. your brilliant eyes met his, and you looked away again.
“she does me a great honour, I can almost… feel her with me, or someone watching over me. maybe your God has time to watch over both of us today.” Joshua’s chest tightened when you spoke of his God.
“if He is willing, everyone here shall be watched over, and protected.” Joshua wanted to say more, but stopped himself. he could not let these feelings interfere with his mind right before battle. you were staring at the river water once again, then you spoke quietly.
“if He is indeed willing, we will live to wash in this river tomorrow. we all will.”
••●••••●••••●••
Joshua gave a short speech worthy of a war chief to the Dead Horses. those who would not be fighting would stay here, hidden in Angel’s Cave until either the return or retreat of the warriors and scouts of the Dead Horses. you stood there in silence, pushing the image of Caesar out of your mind and instead replacing it with that of the White Legs. they were your problem today, not some tyrant in the Mojave, which you had no feasible way of returning to yet. it hadn’t occurred to you that once this was over, you’d either be dead, kidnapped or alive and on your way home to the Strip to face Caesar. it felt horrible to admit, but you were starting to think which of the three options had the best outcome…
Joshua Graham was at the front of the crowd, leading the Dead Horses into battle. they gave off war cries and other unfamiliar sounds as you all waded up the river, but once out of the camp, silence fell like a blanket across each and every one of them. you were bringing up the rear, you and Joshua had agreed that it was best you stayed split up, for many reasons. you recalled the conversation in question, one that had happened amongst the planning and strategising.
“and if one of us goes down?” you raised an eyebrow and Joshua leaned back in his chair.
“then we stay separate for the battle, as long as we can. should one of us fall, the other will assume command.” he offered up. that seemed satisfactory to you.
“alright, I’ll take the rear, you be up front.” you said, to which his eyes barely widened, but you still caught it. “what’s wrong with that?” you asked, leaning over the paper which detailed your plans and formations. Joshua watched you lean, and resisted the urge to touch your hair that was loose over your shoulder.
“I am simply surprised that you would volunteer to take the rear, that is all.” he replied, after taking his eyes off of you. he could watch you pour over battle plans and maps while sat on his desk until the day he died.
“well, you are the war chief. what good are you in the back?” you'd smiled at him before sketching in your position in charcoal on the paper. he’d watched you, imagining you on the battlefield the next day, victorious.
now, as you watched the Dead Horses march determinedly towards the White Legs camp, you wondered if Joshua had wanted you up front with him. would it have looked fiercer? more intimidating? perhaps, but your plans had been finalised last night, and this was not the time to go changing them. you instead counted your steps and watched the feet in front of you to distract you. so far the march had gone uninterrupted, but you had some distance before White Leg territory began. then you’d be in trouble.
••●••••●••••●••
Joshua Graham halted the march as you reached your destination. just past this trail was the last known White Leg camp, as reported by Dead Horse scouts days ago. this was it. you quickly worked your way up front to speak to Joshua. he seemed ready for battle, for war.
“Joshua, we haven’t seen a single White Leg, something isn’t right.” you whispered to him, mouth right next to his ear. he did not react to your worrying statement, but instead loaded his pistol. “Joshua, did you hear me?” you demanded, slinging your rifle down your shoulder.
“we cannot back down now, even if every single living White Leg is waiting for us in that camp. we fight here and now, God willing.” Joshua replied, not looking you in the eyes. you put a desperate hand on his arm. he went still.
“are you sure we can win this? if every single one of them is in there, armed to the teeth? with the high ground?” Joshua’s cold blue eyes finally met yours. his gaze felt entirely alien to you now.
“you aren’t abandoning the fight before it’s even began, are you, Courier?” you hold his gaze, but let go of his arm.
“I’d follow you almost anywhere, Joshua, but if this becomes a bloodbath, I beg of you… order them to retreat.” Joshua’s eyes slipped away from yours and down to his pistol.
“if this becomes a bloodbath, we won’t be on the wrong side.” with that, he raised his pistol in the air, rallying the Dead Horses. you ran back to the rear, shaking your head and sweeping sand from your hat. you loaded your rifle up, and followed Joshua Graham and his Dead Horses into the White Legs camp.
and it was a bloodbath. on both sides.
the second the White Legs realised what was happening, they had the jump on you. the Dead Horses fought hard and some, to the death, to advance into the main camp and start taking out the entirety of the White Legs tribe. you took out any sneaky attackers who attempted to cut you off from behind, but soon there were so many even you were struggling to drop them all with your rifle. close combat became the norm within minutes, and you were facing off against strong, bloodthirsty warriors with insane melee weapons. you couldn’t ever imagine the gangs in the Mojave fashioning these creations up, they lacked the imagination for one, and the sheer insanity for two. though many of the weapons you went up against seemed impractical, the White Legs wielded them with skill and ferocity that you hadn’t seen before. you started questioning if you were ever going to survive this. why didn’t Joshua hang back and think things through? why did he insist on charging in without knowing the odds? because he was Legion once, just like Caesar, and the arrogance of the Legion never truly leaves you. he is the Burned Man, of course he couldn’t wait to finish this war—
a loud boom, the earth shaking, you flying briefly then colliding with rock. hands on your throat, your rifle snatched from your arms. the White Legs had set off grenades, killing some of their own, but killing more of yours. coughing and sputtering against the warrior who had you by the neck, you kicked out, but they forced your legs apart and had you pinned hard against the canyon wall. it wasn’t a bad way to go, dying in battle, at least you died doing something worthwhile in this world. a clean shot entered and exited the warrior’s head, and you dropped to the sand. you didn’t have to look up to see who pulled that off, because he was already coming. he had you up on your feet, leaning on him, rifle back in hands. his voice was all around you, but you knew he was there, somewhere. you found your feet, standing up and letting go of him, and took aim.
one down. two, then three. Joshua snuck off, taking out more White Legs from behind. the Dead Horses were fighting bravely, taking on two or three White Legs at a time. you helped the best you could, dropping the odd White Leg warrior here and there. but soon you were spotted, and on the move again. knives in hand, you took as many White Leg melee fights as you could get. Joshua was still shooting somewhere across the camp, his shots evenly timed and most likely hitting their mark each time. Follows-Chalk spotted you across the camp, and made his way over, taking down White Legs as he went. for how soft he could be, he was downright lethal in battle. as he neared you, you realised with a start that he was covered from head to toe in blood. his markings were barely visible beneath.
“is the blood yours?!” you demanded, open-mouthed in shock.
“never mine!” he answered simply, moving you aside and clubbing a White Leg in the back of the head. a scream from somewhere made you freeze, and you saw a Dead Horse warrior die to a White Leg who wore a scary helmet and wielded a power fist. Follows-Chalk returned to your side, panting but still raging. “Salt-Upon-Wounds, the White Leg leader. you must kill him, without him they will die!” you were about to protest when a White Leg charged you, and took you to the ground. Follows-Chalk had him off of you in seconds, swinging his club with a war cry. you rolled out of the way, letting Follows-Chalk kill the White Leg, and took aim again with your rifle but Salt-Upon-Wounds was gone. he was just there. you scanned the battlefield with your scope, bloodshed was happening everywhere, but where was their leader?
“he’s gone! where is he?” you shouted to Follows-Chalk, but he was gone too. the ever-changing nature of battle meant you were now alone, again. you skirted around skirmishes and takedowns, reaching the spot where you’d first laid eyes upon this Salt man, but all he’d left behind was blood and death. the grisly sight of the Dead Horses falling on the battlefield hurt your soul. how would they ever carry out their after-death rituals if they lay abandoned on a cursed battlefield? you ducked reflexively as a machete narrowly missed your neck. one shot to the chest from below and your attacker fell, dead. your eyes scanned the camp again, raging with the sounds of war. you were sure that you’d never forget the sounds, even after returning to the chaos of the Strip.
an arrow whizzed past, just missing your face, you ducked down and ran, taking shelter behind a boulder. you aimed your rifle over the boulder, and spotted the archers hidden further in the camp, high up in the cliffs. that was why your warriors were falling so quickly, archers were picking them off! you steadied yourself and took aim again, within minutes all of the archers you could spot were dead, bodies hanging limp on the cliffs with single bullet holes in their heads. the Dead Horses began to fight back harder, now unburdened by arrows, and out for revenge for fallen brothers and sisters. you’d lost sight of Joshua a while ago, and Salt-Upon-Wounds had disappeared. you joined up with whichever Dead Horse you came across in battle, your kill count for the day reaching double digits. soon, the camp became a much smaller battlefield as the White Legs started backing themselves into corners.
you helped a Dead Horse member overpower a White Leg wielding a club, firing off another shot as another White Leg charged at you. they were getting desperate. they were beginning to fray. the Dead Horses were making a comeback, using the White Legs own weapons against them now. your eyes focused in on a flash of white becoming visible from the back of the camp, then your heart dropped into your feet. Joshua Graham was fighting Salt-Upon-Wounds, one-on-one, hand-to-hand.
••●••••●••••●••
you took aim, but the two were moving too wildly for you to confidently pull the trigger. you didn’t dare ask Joshua’s God for any more help, so you rallied the Dead Horses to you, and those who came were ready. you took them towards the back of the camp, flattening any White Legs that stood in your way. Salt-Upon-Wounds saw you approaching, and you went down to one knee, rifle aimed. Salt-Upon-Wounds held Joshua Graham by the neck, and God knows where his trusty pistols had gone. Joshua’s clear blue eyes bored into Salt-Upon-Wounds’s. your finger went to pull the trigger again, but Joshua was now in your sights, forced to stand before Salt-Upon-Wounds like a human shield. you lowered your rifle slowly.
“call off your warriors, or Joshua Graham dies!” Salt-Upon-Wounds announced, the battlefield stood still for the first time. you made a sound that told the Dead Horses to stand down, and they reluctantly did. “good girl. lower your weapons, all of you!” the remaining Dead Horses gathered around you did not move, instead they watched you. they were waiting for your move, and they would follow.
“do as I do, or we lose.” you whispered to them in their dialect, and it was passed around quickly. you threw your beloved rifle to the sand, and your knives, and the Dead Horses followed. they did not protest, they did it silently, they did it with you. for you. Salt-Upon-Wounds began walking towards you, still holding Joshua captive in his grip, a power fist on his free hand, already shiny with blood.
“you, outgirl, listen to me. I take Joshua Graham’s life, then the Dead Horses. then you will be for me, but not for kill.” Joshua’s eyes hardened but one look from you told him to not respond. his job was to focus on surviving Salt-Upon-Wounds right now.
“why not kill me?” you asked, lowering your hands and taking a step forwards. Salt-Upon-Wounds tightened his grip on Joshua. “do you know who I am, Salt-Upon-Wounds?” you let your hands rest on your belt. you could feel exactly what you needed.
“I see a outgirl who fights.” Salt-Upon-Wounds said after a moment, he was not big on talking, you realised.
“I am the Courier, I control the Strip in the Mojave and your leader, Caesar, wants me dead.” Salt-Upon-Wounds’s body tensed. “he is your leader, isn’t he?” Salt-Upon-Wounds threw Joshua to the sand, angry.
“Caesar… wants you. I give him you, and kill Joshua.” Salt-Upon-Wounds let Joshua’s shirt go, and raised the power fist. Joshua began to roll, you reached into your trusty belt, pulled out a small knife and launched it in Salt-Upon-Wounds’s direction. it landed in his face, he recoiled and stumbled backwards, yelling. you dove for Joshua, grabbing him and hauling him back towards the Dead Horses. the remaining White Legs watched in horror as Salt-Upon-Wounds was injured by an outsider. Follows-Chalk grabbed Joshua, but as you went to get up, you were dragged backwards.
you made fleeting eye contact with Follows-Chalk, then Joshua as you were flipped over by Salt-Upon-Wounds. the Dead Horses picked up their weapons as the remaining White Legs attacked. you saw the power fist coming, time slowed, Salt-Upon-Wounds pinned you down with his legs and yelled with pure rage as he brought the fist down. you reached up, twisting the small knife still embedded in his face. blood spurted out, showering you. you yanked the knife out, the shock gave you time to get it from under Salt-Upon-Wounds, but he was still bringing the power fist down.
you felt the dull heavy impact on your hand first. then the pain of your hand bones being shattered to pieces took over. your entire arm was throbbing from the impact. you were screaming but you couldn’t hear it. Salt-Upon-Wounds revelled in your pain, and raised the fist again. you clutched the small knife in the other hand, panting, tears forming in your eyes. he roared from above you, bringing the fist down in one big overhead swing. you whipped your good hand quick, and the knife flew. it skimmed the power fist and landed between Salt-Upon-Wounds’s eyes.
you were crying as Salt-Upon-Wounds’s stiff body went limp, the weight of the power fist dictating his fall. the power fist met the side of your head as you desperately tried to escape from under the now dead weight, and you were out cold.
••●••••●••••●••
Joshua stopped believing in his God right then and there. he was already up on one knee, but Follows-Chalk, fuelled by the fear of the power fist caving your face in, threw Salt-Upon-Wounds’s corpse off of you. the side of your face was open, blood pouring out. Follows-Chalk had his arms under you already, lifting you up and calling out for a healer. the surviving Dead Horses surrounded you, reaching out and touching your bare skin with their hands. a sign of respect, a collective hope that you would survive this gruesome injury and live to recount the battle around a campfire full of Dead Horse children, reunited with their families. Joshua’s mind was making his body move, but he had absolutely no awareness of it. it was as if someone else was taking charge of him physically as he worried about you.
Follows-Chalk sent any remaining Dead Horse scouts forward to call for the healers, the warriors remained with you, escorting those who had survived the battle back to the Dead Horse camp. Joshua walked in step with Follows-Chalk, eyes never leaving your body. he offered to take you from Follows-Chalk several times on the march home, but he refused, determined to get you home alive. healers came rushing up the river, war-torn bloodied scouts in tow. the old woman was there, stood in the river, a serious look on her face.
Follows-Chalk set you down in the river, holding you there so the old woman could examine you. she spoke harshly to her other healers in Dead Horse dialect, Joshua Graham listened but for the first time, he couldn’t translate the words in his head. the old woman bent down in the river, and her words seemed to move the water.
“the sky, the earth… we beg of you, as the blood of ours joins you, return her to us.” the other healers repeated the words, muttering under their breath, eyes closed. the old woman cupped her hands, pouring water over your open head wound. Joshua went to his knees watching the old healer work. the river welcomed him, he let it soak him through. Follows-Chalk also dropped to his knees gently in the river, copying the prayers of the healers.
soon, every Dead Horse member present was on their knees, praying and begging the land and sky to not take you from them. Joshua clasped his hands, rattling off one last prayer to his God. then, as the old woman’s worn hands touched your cold ones, a jolt of something went through you. all you really remembered was the hot blood streaming down your face, tainting your vision red. now you looked up and saw clear blue skies, white dancing clouds and felt the hold of the river all around you.
the old woman rejoiced as your eyes flickered open, everyone was relieved, thanking their ancestors’ spirits and the land and the sky for not taking you. mercy had been granted today, but it would likely not be granted again. Joshua slowly moved towards you, the river pulling him. he took you from the old healer’s hold, and sat you up out of the river. you looked around, surprised at being back in camp. hadn’t you just been facing Salt-Upon-Wounds...?
without another word, Joshua stood, carrying you up the river, and into the safety of Angel’s Cave. the healers did not use the same medicine that you were so used to in the Mojave, but Joshua was familiar with the basics. now that he had you alive, he intended to keep you that way. he carried you to his camp bed, carefully setting you down. he lit the campfire, taking off your wet clothes with as much dignity he could give you. he covered you in furs, then as your eyes danced in and out of consciousness, began stitching up the gash on your head. he knew it wouldn’t beat a surgeon’s steady hand and some anaesthetic, but it was better to close the wound rather than let it become infected.
he worked for hours, having to stop his hands from shaking each time you winced or moved your head away. he’d unravelled the bandages from his hands, leaving them exposed to the open air. he told himself that the constant tingle that soon felt like he was burning all over again, was nothing compared to this open wound on your head. you probably had one Hell of a headache too. he could really only pray that your brain had remained unscathed. he then carefully began to wrap your broken hand, though you had no real feeling down there and barely reacted.
Follows-Chalk, now clean of his enemies’ blood, came to see how you were getting on. Joshua had just about managed to finish the stitching to your head, if he ever forgot the sight of it, he’d be grateful. Follows-Chalk had the healers gather all of the herbs that could possibly help and brought them into the cave, Joshua had other ideas. he knew you’d found old world medicines in the Mojave, and often made more when out scouting for the Dead Horses. he told Follows-Chalk to search your bag, and he found the stash of Stimpacks.
Joshua hadn’t seen you use these in his presence. perhaps because you were trying not to invoke feelings of despair in him that no medicine would relieve his pain or mend his burns. Follows-Chalk, however, had seen you use these from time to time. admittedly, not often, but he knew how they worked.
“you push it into the skin,” he told Joshua, as you lay there, eyes closed and breathing shallow. “I think.” he added, absolving himself of any responsibility should this go wrong.
“I… I’ve seen this before, but rarely used them.” Joshua admitted. Follows-Chalk stared at the Stimpacks. another strange thing from beyond Zion.
“should we not use them?” Follows-Chalk asked, eyes lingering on your stitches.
“they’d help her…” Joshua began, when you opened your eyes and reached for the Stimpacks yourself. the two watched as you took one, jabbed it into your side, then removed it.
“done.” you sighed, handing it back to Follows-Chalk. “Follows, you’ve seen me use those before, don’t be scared of them.” you rolled onto your back and went to reach up to feel your stitches. Joshua’s hand caught your good hand and placed it back down to your side.
“I am no doctor, but we better leave those alone.” he said, thinking about how the stitches would turn out when they healed. if they healed. Follows-Chalk seemed to agree with the way he eyed up the stitches uneasily.
“there are no doctors left anymore anyway.” you mumbled, closing your eyes and rolling over to sleep. Joshua pulled the furs over you and stood up, clearing away his impromptu stitching kit. Follows-Chalk looked at you for a moment longer before standing, and approaching Joshua.
“Joshua Graham, I must ask you something.” Joshua paused, then turned to face Follows.
“what is it?” he asked, curious as to what Follows-Chalk could possibly have to ask him.
“when the Courier is recovered, I should be the one to take her back to the Mojave. do you think the same?” Follows-Chalk asked. Joshua was not expecting this question so he stalled for time by organising the medical inventory for a moment.
“I think that when the Courier leaves us, she should go alone once she reaches the Mojave.” Joshua said, giving Follows-Chalk a look. Follows-Chalk nodded, but in his head, he did not agree in the slightest. “she fell into our lives, and she has the right to walk back out as she arrived... alone.” Joshua knew he was lying to himself too, not just to Follows-Chalk. Joshua prayed for nothing more than to accompany you back to the Mojave and see how you live your life, but there was the not so small problem of the Legion, and your life did not have space for him… who knew who you had waiting for your safe return back on the Strip?
••●••••●••••●••
when you woke up, you had such a headache it made you sensitive to light and noise like some sort of mutated wasteland creature. Joshua had been asleep by the fire next to your camp bed, and when you sat up, holding your head, he came back to life. he brought you fresh water, handed you Stimpacks, ordered stacks of medicinal herbs from the healers. Follows-Chalk was in charge of the recovery of the fallen Dead Horses from the battle, so you didn’t see him for some time. you spent days in Angel’s Cave recovering, even then you weren’t sure you’d be fit to make the gruelling journey back to the Mojave anytime soon. your head hurt and your hand was still useless. Joshua felt both joy and despair at your predicament. he knew that you needed to get back to the Mojave soon, with Caesar and his Legion becoming an increasingly worrying problem, but when Joshua watched you sleep he saw your pained expression and knew you were in no fit state to travel. you barely moved your broken hand, he worried that it was beyond saving some days.
Follows-Chalk was surprised to see you still on the camp bed, huddled under the furs, stuck somewhere between heavy sleep and being consciously aware of the world. Joshua tried his hardest to get you to talk, drink water or even sit up, but each day you refused and fell back into a fitful sleep. it wasn’t until one night that Joshua finally found the strength to wake you. it had been a slow day, you’d tossed and turned and had bad dreams. the night was cold, cool. Joshua and Follows-Chalk took it in turns sitting with you, but you did not improve. Follows-Chalk left the cave to retrieve more bodies from the battlefield and transport them for proper burial with the other Dead Horse members, leaving Joshua on the night shift. at first, you were just whimpering in your sleep, Joshua had grown used to the sound, as much as it scared him. then you started to move. you jerked and shivered, the whimpering turned into incoherent words. Joshua shut his holy book and sat next to you, watching your face contort in your sleep. all of a sudden you were crying, repeating words over and over. Joshua couldn’t stand to watch, he reached out, a hand on your shoulder, but you didn’t wake. something had you stuck deep in your mind.
after several unsuccessful attempts to rouse you from sleep, Joshua pulled the furs away, his hands on your arms. he turned you onto your back, repeating your name over and over. you didn’t come out of sleep. he started to wonder if it was a seizure, or if he was about to lose you. he didn’t stop trying to wake you, and after he shook you by the shoulders, your eyes flew open and you sat up, gasping. relieved you weren’t dead, Joshua’s hands fell from you and he said a prayer. you threw the furs from your legs and checked that this was real, that this wasn’t a dream that turned into a nightmare. you’d had so many these past few days, unable to escape them. they bombarded you each time you closed your eyes. your eyes landed on Joshua praying and you began to worry that this was yet another dream.
“Joshua, Joshua, is this real?” you grabbed him by the face, leaning right into him. his clear blue eyes met yours, and his hands settled onto yours.
“this is real.” he took your trembling hands into his bandaged ones and held them tight. “I am real, you are real, we are real, we are here.” he told you, and you moved off the bed to be closer to him. he was real, thank the Lord. you ran your hands over the bandages and let the feel of them bring you back to the present.
“we… are real.” you decided, nodding as your hands went back to his face. “you are real, I am real.” Joshua nodded back, and you let your hands trail to his neck, then around him. he let you do it, just happy to be there. you had him in your arms, and he felt real and you felt real and you were finally free of the endless cycle of nightmares. Joshua’s arms then encircled you and you melted into him. your eyes closed but you did not slip back into the land of nightmares and horrors. you stayed there with him, safe.
“are you okay?” he asked, not pulling away.
“if you’re here… I think I am.” you replied, after thinking for a moment. words seemed to elude you sometimes, but it felt even worse now, since the battle.
“I will stay here then, with you.” Joshua said quietly, and you sighed in relief. you both sat like that for a moment, until Joshua’s arms managed to lift you into his lap and have you tucked in his chest. you watched the roaring fire behind, letting it soothe you back to sleep. when Joshua felt you go heavy, he lifted you up back into the camp bed, but climbed in with you. he removed his heavy SWAT vest, and his boots. in just his trousers he held you there in the single camp bed, furs covering you both, and prayed that your mind would heal as well as your stitches had.
••●••••●••••●••
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#fallout#fallout new vegas#fallout joshua graham#messyyythoughts#fallout new vegas honest hearts#zion#joshua graham#courier six#female courier#Female Courier x Joshua Graham#sands of zion#part four#fnv
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A side blog for another obsession, Fallout. I've been playing for years but haven't felt compelled enough to write anything about it until the Honest Hearts DLC showed up. So here I am, finally. It may be a small community (or a large one) but please accept my humblest gifts.
Currently fighting for my life over here with Joshua Graham x Daniel (if that's even a thing, because their backstory makes me squeal in excitement despite limited in game interactions)
I will write about Courier Six and Lone Survivor. So come down and hangout with me. Also open to any ships revolving the characters listed below. The ships you're most likely to see between characters will be Joshua Graham/Daniel and Joshua Graham/Caesar mentions.
Requests are open at absolutely any time once I start writing, anything for the few listed characters I ever feel compelled to write about, feel free.
Characters I will write include Fallout New Vegas: Joshua Graham, Daniel (Zion), Caesar, Ulysses, and Six (you)
Fallout Tv series: Lucy MacLean, Maximus, Cooper Howard (The Ghoul).
Fallout 4: (All Companions), the Lone Survivor (you)
This is my Fallout blog. I am also a huge Fallout 3/4 nerd so don't feel shy to request that as well. I've finished the Fallout show so be aware that this blog may produce spoilers if you haven't seen it already. Feel free to come talk to me about it. I'm trying to find my people!!
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