#okay so maybe it wasn't so much funsies

[phantom-of-the-501st]

A quick and short fanfic (for funsies!)

@saturn-sends-hugs @inkstainedhandswithrings because I know you guys like to read this stuff when I actually post it

"No-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away... The span of someone's life is only the core of their existence." - Terry Pratchett

Omega looked at Rex, puzzled, when he came back with a dish of what appeared to be white paint and the rest of the Batch seemed equally confused by the tray in the captain's hands. It wasn't what they had expected when he told them he would return in a short moment.

Without saying a word, Rex knelt down in the dirt, placed his right hand into the tray and pressed it to the wood in front of him. Omega stared at the print left behind as Rex peeled his hand back, stood, turned and held the dish out to her.

"Want to give it a go?" He asked, eyes soft. Omega hesitated. "It's okay. You can't do anything wrong. Just do as I did."

Cautiously, Omega placed her hand in the tray, glanced at the white spread across her palm and fingers, and then pressed her hand beside the print Rex had left. She pulled back. Her hand looked so much smaller in comparison. She glanced back at Rex and he gave her a gentle smile and nod, before presenting the tray to Hunter.

One by one the Batch made their mark on the wood, still unsure of what the captain had in mind. No-one said a word. Omega carefully looked over the marks once everything was done, slowly taking in what was before her.

Hunter had left his just underneath hers. Crosshair's slender fingers could be found on the opposite side. Tech's was as clean and precise as one would expect from the data expert, while Wrecker's much larger hand was slightly smudged and barely fit in the space. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"What are they for?" Omega asked quietly, closing her fist. The drying paint felt tacky under her fingers.

Rex glanced at her and then back at the wood in front of him. "Back when I first met Echo, I left a handprint just like it on his armour. It was in eel blood mind you, but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, every time he got a new set of armour, or the paint had started to chip, he would find me, hand me the paint, and ask me to press a new one." A small chuckle. "We literally have the same hands. He could've done it himself. But no, each time he wanted me to do the honours. It became our little tradition."

Omega could feel the tears welling in her eyes again and pressed herself into Hunter's side for support.

Rex's voice cracked slightly. "I just felt like I needed to do it one last time."

Silently, they all looked at the decorated wood in front of them. The slightly chaotic collection of hands stained into the board almost seemed to glow under the light of the setting sun.

Fist still held closed, and pressing more into her brother's side, Omega slowly drew her eyes away from the marks to the scrawl in Aurebesh above the hands.

ECHO

Beloved brother, batchmate and friend

March on, Soldier

[ivvyela]

imagine with me, if you will, a nwh potential fix-it involving none other than the multiverse saving duo deadpool and wolverine.

i know, i know - but please, let me cook.

wade and logan now jump across timelines to "fix" things aka travel the multiverse for funsies and deal with the consequences later and somehow end up in a universe where peter parker doesn't exist, but spider-man does. and wade, blessed with the power of "i know this for the plot", immediately knows that is bull. shit. and sure enough, they find one very depressed, very lonely, and very jaded peter parker.

after much annoyance, light stalking, and following spider-man while he's on patrol, they get peter to spill how he ended up in this situation. and after hearing everything, logan breaks the silence with a simple, yet effective: "shit, kid. that... shit."

"yeah, well... now you know, so you can, like, leave me alone."

"nope, not gonna happen." wade shakes his head and tactfully ignores logan's imploring look of what-the-fuck-are-you-getting-us-into-now "i take my job as marvel jesus very, very seriously, so frankly, this is my job to fix your sorry little life, buddy. and if flat-out telling them you exist didn't work, then - "

"oh, i actually... i never told them."

"...come again?"

"i tried to tell them, but i couldn't. so..."

"i'm sorry... your best friend and girlfriend were crying, telling you to come find them and remind them of you, and you chose not to?"

"they're happy and safe without me! i wasn't going to ruin - "

"oh my god. you sweet, self sacrificial, idiot spider-baby. okay! we can fix this! we're no tony stark, but consider us your pseudo daddies for the time being, kid. let's get you your life back."

which is how one very emotional and determined deadpool, followed by a stoic, nonchalant wolverine (who, in all honesty, probably should be completely against this, but once wade commits to something, he can't be talked out of it, and the sooner he gets his fix from this the sooner he can go home, so fuck it we ball), end up in a certain cafe, all up in a poor barista and her friend's face with a cut-out yearbook photo of some kid, yelling "LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT THIS BOY! HE'S SO LONELY! LIKE A SMALL, FORLORN, VICTORIAN CHILD! REMEMBER HIM, GODDAMMIT!"

(their efforts result in two confused and scared teens, and getting kicked out of said cafe.)

peter practically begs them to just leave him alone, that this was his choice, and he's fine with it, but both wade and logan know a lie when they hear one. they both know what being alone can do to a person, and peter is just a kid who got dealt the shittiest cards in life and at this point, it just feels wrong to leave him here without trying to do something. and maybe they both have a small soft spot for the teen, so what?

and peter knows both men can see through his broody, teenage angst front he's been putting up since the spell, and he's tried so hard to hate the two of them, get them to hate him so they would leave, but they're not budging, so really, there's no point in trying to push them away, right?

and so, he lets them in. he learns that while logan is stoic and intense and kinda terrifying, he's also someone who just wants to do the right thing for the people he cares about. he's also lost people, and he blames himself, but he's come out on the other side. he would tell peter about his daughter, laura, who wouldn't let him wallow in self pity because she is good, better than he has ever been. he never saw himself as a father, but she's still around, so he must be doing alright.

and at first hearing it would result in a pang in his chest, memories of thai food after walking into a smoke-filled kitchen, assurances that things will work out when everything feels hopeless, a tombstone that can never convey everything she was, but now... it's nice to hear that logan still had someone after losing everyone.

so, peter listens to logan's stories. in return, peter tells logan all about his mom.

and wade was brash and loud and conceded and really, really annoying, but he's... no, that's it. he's all of those things, but in a weird way, it's like all those bad qualities merge together to make him a good guy. and yeah, he can walk away at any point, he has absolutely no obligation to help peter, but he does it anyway.

("nonono, don't you dare make me some selfless hero type, kid. i know for a fact that every deadpool has a peter. i'm doing this for the me in your world."

"you're... huh?"

"bottom line, i'm a selfish bastard. i'm doing this for me, 'kay?")

peter didn't fight it. he's had experience with seemingly self-absorbed, deflecting type heroes.

wade doesn't replace him, not even close, but... still.

maybe peter will never get back what he lost. but, for the first time, peter sees a light at the end of the tunnel. that, maybe, he can stop being just spider-man, and he can start being peter parker again, too.

(and if there's a barista talking to her friend about how it's weird that two guys would show up holding a photo of an odd customer from weeks ago, demanding they remember him, and despite not knowing him she felt something, and her friend couldn't help but agree, well... that's neither here nor there.)

[bunniwords]

໑ৎ ׁ ׅ♡ ALIBI 🌀

part xv - masterlist - part xvii xvi. prettiest girl

︶︶ 　 ˚ ᡴꪫ synopsis — you are known for your brain rot anime content on twitter. so much so that you caught the attention of txt’s soobin on his secret stan account and became mutuals. what will become of this new friendship?

bunni speaks — WE BACK and with partial written chapters! i'm not great at writing fluff so bare with me... also i have a bit of writer’s block… so please be kind to me… i’ve wrote this like last week but was really beating myself over it but i decided to just post it…

ONE MONTH.

just one more month before soobin was going to see you in new york. was he ready for it? not exactly. probably far from it actually, but one thing was for sure is that he wanted to see you.

there isn't really a day that goes by without him calling and messaging you. the two of you actually started this thing where you'd each send a series of random photos taken throughout the day while the other was sleeping and it’s not helping him calm down his feelings for you at all. he saved every single one of those photos and put it in an album on his phone to look back at on. he loved imagining you taking each picture with him in mind.

now, this new routine has him developing a bad habit of looking at his phone first thing in the morning. soobin knows he read some sort of article about looking at your phone first thing in the morning isn't really good for you but science didn't account for the feeling of waking up to twenty notifications from the girl you like. waking up to your messages gave soobin profound excitement for the day. his eyes could barely open but his first instinct now was to look at his phone and see what photos you took. his favorites were the ones where you'd take your outfit of the day in your full length mirror in your bedroom or maybe the ones of you posing with your food.

you’ve asked him about his great face reveal and soobin felt bad about not showing his face because you actually asked him a lot about it... to the point where you concluded that he was ugly as a joke. a joke he finds no joy in hearing as he defended his good looks to wits ends.

but you were too deep in your feelings that you were pretty sure you would be okay with however he looked.

i mean, if he was a total predator... you'd definitely reevaluate, but soo was not that. you think.

"are you working from home today?" soo asked you over the voice call.

"yup! i just made breakfast. wanna see?" you asked as you wiggled your bowl in front of the camera.

god, you were so cute.

"let's see. let's see."

"it's just cereal," you laughed, "they had the txt cereal at the store so i grabbed it for funsies since i'm seeing them next month."

"oh, right. haha."

every time txt came up in your conversation, soobin definitely started thinking about revealing the truth and the guilt that came with that. he still isn't sure how you'd react. would you feel betrayed that he didn't tell you? or would you be happy? what if you just leave the restaurant after finding out? or start blackmailing him for having a fan account?

okay, that last thought went a little wild side, because you wouldn't do that. he knows you wouldn't, but his mind definitely wondering about what you’d think about any of this. thinking about you being mad at him and leaving him was probably the worst scenario he could think of. he could already feel someone digging into his chest with a tight grip on his heart from the thought of you hating him.

"damn, okay. i know it wasn't that funny but you could've reacted a little," you joked.

"ha. ha. ha.”

" you’re so annoying…”

soobin laughed with a quick apology and lame excuse saying he was distracted.

you rolled your eyes but accepted his apology anyway. “well, how was your day? you're in japan right?"

yes, txt was doing their japanese comeback before the start of their world tour. but to you, soo was simply on a work trip.

"yeah, i am!"

"how is it?" you said before taking in a spoonful of cereal.

"busy... but fun. my team had a few work events today and i'm so tired," he said.

he was really downplaying his 'work events'. he had a group interview, magazine solo interview, a photoshoot, and to top it all off, there was the music show and fan interaction at the end of the day. he was beyond exhausted but still wanted to talk to you by the end of all of it. although, he didn’t really want to talk to you about work.

"did you want to turn in early? we can always talk in the morning for you," you offered, but you could already hear him grumbling.

"no, just another hour... i couldn’t even talk to you this morning."

oh, were you weak. you weren't going to say no. absolutely, not. you know, he didn’t say that he needed to talk to you everyday, but for him to basically imply that he couldn’t go to bed without talking to you once today almost sent you into a coma.

"oh, uh, yeah, okay, one more hour and then you go to sleep,” you stuttered, thinking you really played that one off.

"right before i forget… japan. did you want anything from here?"

and immediately, your ears perked up.

"oh, yes if i can ask you to look for a few things! i have a list," you bursted out into a fit of giggles from the thought of you being able to get your hands onto anything you got on this anime list.

"you... have a list?" he sounded as if he was judging you.

"hey... it's not as accessible here in america," you pouted, "leave me alone. you want my list or not?"

"give me the list," soobin smiled and you could hear the endearment in his voice.

"also, with all due respect, shut up. i know you got a list. you just wanted to judge me," you fussed.

"hey! that's not true!"

it most definitely was true (to both him having a list and him judging you).

that's alright though because while you were forging your annoyance, you were trying to calm your heart down from imagining this man scouring through the streets of tokyo in search for your most wanted anime merchandise.

TAG LIST: @hoonatic @paegesoobin @lun4kazumii @noraimp @isa942572 @yourenzoo @soobjvn @besciitos @sakiimeo @kumabeom @yyeonzi @bunnisoobin @girlz4jaem @msorriluv @wonderstrucktae @thing89 @dreeener @arep4con-qu3sp @otblous @luvvvash @huethusiasm @starryeyedluv @304files @kang-ulzzang @thisrandombitch @nocturnal-lanturn @bbeomgyucafe @virgo-and-libra @mumeimei @jinostooth @gy0th-yawnzzn @pinkhor1zon @film-sea @daechwitonguetech @jakesbubu @pagetammgyu @hanniemylovelyquokka @s0urcherry @bee-the-loser @sol3chu

[silentglassbreak]

I have a request for when you have time and only if you vibe with it haha

How about: Mona, somewhat tall, dark hair, light blue eyes, loves a tattoo when she can afford it, loves jewellery (fingers full of rings, chokers). She's been friends with the band for a while, can be a bit shy but fun and lovely to be around. She's gotten out of her first relationship a while ago, one where she never felt really appreciated or loved and the other person didn't really bother with her enjoyment during sex ever, so much that she wondered if sex just wasn't for her. But Noah, oh Noah, doesn't even need to do much but she feels hot and bothered. So what if Noah finds out and vows to provide her with an amazing experience, finding out she's actually quite kinky along the way. The kinks are up to you if you'd like I'll love it all haha. Maybe they're also in love with each other and just realising it now, maybe it's just a fwb situation, completely up to you, I can't wait to see what you'll come up with, your writing is amazing! 💜💜

Something light and easy, just for funsies. ☺️ After Writing Notes: This was fun. I enjoyed having something more lighthearted. Hopefully it is what you were hoping for.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, kink (nothing too wild), oral sex (both receiving)

Blackbird

"This had better be good if you're calling me at six in the morning..."

I rubbed my eyes, my deep frustrations seeping out in my words.

"It is!" I huffed, waiting for him to continue. "We're home!"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'd hope so. You've been on the road for like...three days?"

"Right, but we're home! And we want to go get breakfast!"

Still failing to see what any of that had to do with me, I tossed my arm over my face. "So...do that?"

"Okay, so you'll meet us there?"

"I beg your pardon?" I opened my eyes, knitting my eyebrows together.

"You'll meet us at Reggie's?"

I growled into the receiver. "You're out of your God damn mind if you think I'm getting out of bed anytime before ten, Nick."

"C'mon Mona! We talked about getting together as soon as we got home!"

"Uh, yeah, I figured that meant after you had taken some time to fucking recover!"

He giggled. "We're all caffeinated and hungry. Thought it would be a good time!"

"It's not."

"I'm buying!"

"I'd rather die."

"Too bad. Get dressed and meet us in an hour, please!"

Opening my mouth to protest, I felt the line go dead.

There were moments I truly regretted being friends with Nick Folio. He was a morning person.

Lifting my head off of the bed, I scrunched up my nose and pouted for a moment, gathering enough of my bearings to pull my legs off the side and stood up.

My arms reached over my head, my spine cracking and stretching. I walked over to the kitchen, pulled the refrigerator open and yanked the iced coffee from the shelf. Quickly, I mixed myself a beverage and drank half of it in three solid gulps.

Once the caffeine began burning it's way through me, I drug myself into the bathroom and stared at my reflection.

Well, it could be worse, right?

My icy blue eyes were only so puffy today, my hair freshly washed the night before. My shirt was clean as well, which was an improvement over the last couple of weeks.

I hadn't mentioned to any of the guys that I had been moping for the last two weeks straight. Sixteen days, more specifically.

Since Vinny decided he 'wasn't ready for a committed relationship'. Aside from being devastated, I also found it interesting given we had been dating for over a fucking year.

Fucking producers, man. Snakes - every last one.

I was blindsided by the breakup, and I had let myself feel it full force. My method was to be in pain, depressed, and disgusting for as long as it took for the heartbreak to fade away. If that meant not leaving the house, barely eating, and showering every three days, then so be it.

I did, however, know the boys would be home today, and had to prepare for that. My best friends for a good nine years now, I knew there was no getting out of seeing them as soon as they touched ground in California. I maybe expected a little more time to sleep in, but not much.

It was too early to care about appearances, so I brushed through my dark, chocolate-toned mess of hair and tossed it into a messy ponytail. I pulled my favorite band t-shirt over my head, a Bring Me shirt I got back at Warped Tour in 2012, and slipped into a pair of plain black leggings. My flip-flops would have to do, as I had no desire to hunt down two socks, let alone matching ones.

When I locked my front door, I winced at my nails. I had been biting and pulling at my cuticles for days without even realizing. I needed to get acrylics ASAP. I made a mental note to see if the nail salon had any openings after breakfast.

My deeply tinted sunglasses hid my eyes from the outside world. I hadn't bothered with any makeup this morning, not having the time nor the patience for it.

I hummed idly to my music as I drove the short ten minutes to Reggie's Diner, zoning out mostly. I pulled into the space in front, noticing none of their vehicles were there yet.

Of course.

Fucker wakes me up early, pulls me from the hole I had crawled into, and doesn't even show up on time. How predictable. I pulled a foot up onto the seat, balancing my chin on my knee while I waited.

The music streamed through my speakers, and the lyrics hit me in the chest.

"I guess this is goodbye. I guess we got what we deserved. Hold on to your heart, it's almost over."

"Ugh." I turned the volume down to zero, not wanting those kinds of emotions sinking in.

Before I could dwell too long, a loud, sharp knock came on my window, and I jumped nearly a foot in the air.

Standing in my driver's side window, Folio was pressing his forehead against the glass, making cross-eyed faces. I turned to the windshield, where Nicholas was lifting his shirt up to flash me. Jolly stood next to him, rubbing a palm over his friend's bare stomach, thrusting his hips like a complete moron. To my right, Noah stood at the opposing window, mouth pressed against the glass, puffing out his cheeks.

Tears nearly welled in my eyes at the absolute absurdity of these idiots. God, I fucking missed them.

I scanned the menu for no reason at all, already knowing exactly what I planned to order.

"French toast and an over easy egg, right?" Noah's elbow bumped me, his own menu open in front of him.

I pursed my lips. "No, I actually thought I'd get the waffles with bacon this time."

"Yeah?" He raised an eyebrow, and I cracked a smile.

"Nah, I'm getting French toast."

He snickered, nodding his head. "You always do."

"Yeah, well you always get raspberry lemonade so..."

"What's wrong with lemonade?!" He dropped his menu, eyes scanning me.

"Nothing." He huffed, narrowing his eyes. "Raspberry lemonade though?"

He opened his mouth to retort, but we were interrupted by the waiter. Each taking turns placing our orders, Noah went last, ordering a peach lemonade. I rolled my eyes, and folded my arms on the table, listening to them idly chat.

"I have a feeling that once I get food in me, I'm going to nap for at least eight hours." Jolly chuckled, fiddling with the salt shaker.

"Dude, me too. I think I'm just running on hopes and dreams right now." Nicholas added.

"How was the drive from New York?"

They all groaned in unison. "Fucking long." Folio commented.

"It felt like we were driving through Colorado for a fucking year." Noah tossed his head back.

I bumped him with my shoulder at his theatrics. "Your guys' bus is so bougie, it couldn't have been so bad."

"Once you've been in it for months like we have?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "I never want to see another tour bus again."

They all nodded together, affirming noises under their breaths.

"Don't you leave for the second leg of the tour in, like, eight weeks?"

There was a beat of silence before they all cackled. "Fuck, dude. Don't remind me!" Folio dropped his face in his hands.

Everyone fell into side conversations as we waited for our food. I was listening to Folio tell me about the people he had the opportunity to meet while they were traveling, but I felt my mind wandering, my eyes following, eventually settling on Noah.

Somehow, since I had last seen him three months ago, he managed to get even more muscular. His arms were bigger, and his hair was slightly longer than it was before he left. He had a fresh tattoo on the small patch of open skin on his upper arm, ink still vibrant. He was listening to Jolly, smiling at whatever he was telling him that was so entertaining.

"Mona?" It occurred to me that I missed what Folio was saying to me.

"Huh?" I looked back at him. "Repeat that?"

He smirked. "Space cadet?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's early." He mimicked me, rolling his eyes as well. "What did you ask?"

"I said, how's Vinny?"

My heart sunk, and the lump that I had just managed to swallow reformed in my throat. My face must have given something away, because the entire table fell silent.

"Oh, Vinny..." My stare fell down to my plate, pushing what was left of my French toast around. "He's fine."

Nick lowered his face so he could force me to meet his eyes.

"Everything okay?"

I nodded, biting my lip and trying like hell to smile. "Yeah, all good."

"That's not believable." Nicholas spoke up, pointing a finger at me. The glare I shot at him could’ve sliced right through his skin, had he not deflected with his own. “Care to explain?”

I set my fork down, folding my hands in my lap and folding my shoulders in. I could feel Noah leaning just a fraction closer to me, and my skin was warm where I felt his hoodie pressing against me.

“I don’t, actually. Thank you, though!” I tried to sound as chipper as possible, but it was falling on deaf ears. These morons knew me better than anyone.

“You guys fighting or something?” Jolly piped up between bites of hash.

I shook my head. “Nope.” Dismissive was not a skill I possessed.

“Do I need to fuck him up?” Folio did his best to look intimidating, and this made me cackle.

“No, Nick. No need.”

A bump to my arm made my eyes glance up at Noah, his face concerned. “What’s goin’ on, Mona?”

What was it about that fool that made me crumble like clay?

I sighed hard, leaning back in my chair, and averting my eyes to my plate, fingers now fiddling with my napkin. I could tell they were all looking at me, and it was a heavy feeling.

“Vinny broke it off.”

I don’t think I’ve seen four jaws fall at once before, but there’s a first for everything. I felt Noah tense up next to me, and it took all I had not to lean into him. He didn’t need to be fazed, it wasn’t a big deal…right?

“The fuck?!” Nicholas dropped his fork on his plate. “Why?”

I shrugged in response, pursing my lips. “Who knows.”

“Kicking his ass sounds pretty good, now.” Noah’s words were meant to be humorous, I’m sure. But his tone said otherwise, low and venomous.

When I chanced a look up at him, his eyes were narrowed into dangerous slits, focused on me. My hand gripped his arm, squeezing gently.

“It’s really no big deal, guys. Just wasn’t meant to be.”

“He didn’t give you a reason?” Folio sounded more concerned than angry.

I groaned, leaning my elbows on the table and rubbing my eyes. “Fuck, I guess? He said he wasn’t ready to commit or some bullshit.”

I heard at least two of them suck their teeth in disapproval.

“What horse shit. You guys were together a year.” Jolly wiped his mouth on his napkin.

“It was over a year.” I said, my voice small.

“Didn’t he ask you to move in with him like, three months ago?” Noah sounded like he was in disbelief.

“He did. I turned him down because I was afraid of something like this happening.”

“Mona?” My eyes fell on Folio, his hand now on my shoulder. “When did this happen?”

My face fell, then. I knew they weren’t going to like my answer.

“Like…” I took a breath. “Two and a half weeks ago?”

“What?!” Yep, about what I expected. “Mona! Why didn’t you tell me?” Nick was nearly out of his chair.

“Why would I?” I tried not to look at him, but I knew he was burning a hole in my face.

“Oh fuck, I don’t know.” He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “Maybe because we’re your best friends!”

I rolled my eyes. “Who were on tour! You guys didn’t need my petty drama while you were working.”

Noah scoffed, turning his body toward me. “And we could’ve just brought you out to finish tour with us.” He glanced around the table, silent agreement from the other guys. “It’s not like we haven’t before.”

He had taken my hands, which felt so tiny in his huge grip. I couldn’t help but smile at him, and then at the rest of them.

“Guys, as amazing as you all are,” I pointedly looked at each of them. “I’m a big girl, and I don’t need my boys coming to my rescue over a little heartbreak.”

Noah’s fingers squeezed me, bringing my attention back to him. “We know that, but we like doing it. So next time, tell us, okay?”

I leaned my face into his chest, his arms circling me in a tight hug. I smiled, feeling safer than I had before they left. When he released me, I smiled at them.

“I love you guys.”

“Mona!” I turned, my keys in hand to unlock my car. Noah was jogging in my direction, the rest of the guys already in their own ride.

“What’s up?”

He stopped in front of me, looking almost like he was losing nerve the longer he stared at me. He tucked his hands in his sweater pocket, now smiling at me sheepishly.

“I just wanted to know, do you have plans today?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Uh, just going to get my nails done. Might grab some groceries later. That’s it, though.”

He nodded, kicking his shoe against the asphalt. “Okay, think you’d want to see a movie later?”

This wasn’t out of the ordinary. I had my designated activity that I typically did with each of the guys.

Jolly was a ‘go out to a fine dining restaurant’ type of guy, so he would take us out at least once a month to a new place, and we would spend the evening critiquing the food and atmosphere - as if either of us had any right. It was hilarious.

Nicholas, being the tattoo artist he was, loved the days I took the time to spend in the shop, helping him clean up and hang out. He had very little time to tattoo these days, and when he did, his books were full. I would sit with him, help him sketch, and bring food to the shop. He usually gave me little bangers here and there while we had time, and it helped my tattoo addiction, and my budget, tremendously.

Nick, unsurprisingly, was the nature freak. Luckily for him, I loved to fish. We’d hop on his bike when the weather was right, and head up to Big Bear a few times a year, or hit the piers for saltwater fishing. I never caught much, but he always told the other guys I did.

Noah, however, was a movie guy. Horror, sci-fi, comedy, didn’t matter. If it was in a theater, he wanted to see it. I was all for that. I had a serious affinity for popcorn, and loved to listen to him whisper to me during the movie, or bitch about it on the drive home. Maybe I enjoyed the occasions where I got chilly, and he let me wear his sweater? Or maybe I just liked being alone with him?

When I first met the boys, Noah had instantly stuck out differently than the rest of them. He was stunning, reserved, funny, and glowed like the sun. He had a smile that made my knees buckle and a hug that could swallow me whole. Voice of a siren and talent like none other.

Of course, I had an immediate crush on him.

Something about the way he spoke gave me such pause, my ears yearning to hear every word, hanging on them as they came out. The way he moved, gestured, breathed...it made my skin tingle.

However, when Noah and I met all those years ago, he had a girlfriend. It was disappointing - to say the least - but I respected it, and continued on as his best friend. I put the feelings to bed, and accepted the group of four misfits into my life without hesitation, arms open. Did the feelings eventually relax? Sure.

Something I appreciated about mine and Noah's situation was that I had the opportunity to get to know him better than I ever would have, had we entered into any kind of relationship. I saw him at his very best, but also at his lowest depths. I watched him free fall through his depression. Held his hand while he fought through the shadows within his own mind.

Noah, like myself, had a dark and violent past, so we were always closer. The guys constantly made comments about it, saying we were kindred spirits, begging to be together. It was all very Shakespeare, and we typically brushed it off. We laughed at their silly jokes...but over the years, there had been more than a few long and awkward stares between us.

He never told me he had feelings for me. The words never left his mouth. But did he walk with his arm around me sometimes? Hold my hand at the scariest parts of the movies? Bring me snacks and nap with me when I was sick?

Every. Time.

Until Vinny.

Once Vinny came into the picture, Noah had to take a step back. He had been single for three years - me for four. He had ample time to make some kind of move. He never did. So we sat in comfortable solace. And then Vinny came in, swept me up, and 'ran off with me', as Noah put it. He was upset, but would never admit it. Our movie dates stopped. Sick days were cancelled. And my shoulders were always so cold...

Over a year, Noah and I had been as platonic as brother and sister. It was painful at first, but I think we both got used to it. We hadn't seen a movie together in fifteen months...

"Mona?"

I was pulled from my thoughts and brought back to a very sheepish looking Noah, who looked as though he was about to tell me to forget it.

"Yes! Of course I'll go to the movies with you!" Maybe that came out a little too excited.

It was worth it, however, to see the way his face lit up. "Yeah?" He nodded, hiding his teeth in his smile. "Alright, cool."

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hide my own enthusiasm. "What're we going to see?"

"Tarot is out, have you heard of it?"

My eyes deadpanned at him. "Looked terrifying."

"Perfect!" He turned to walk away. "I'll look up showtimes?"

I shook my head. "Just pick me up at nine? We'll figure it out from there?"

This made him smirk. "You got it." He began walking back toward his brothers, and I turned to my car door. "Oh!"

I whipped back around.

"Do you need me to bring you a sweatshirt?"

I felt the warmth pool in my gut. Oh, the game was so on.

"Nah." I waved a hand at him. "Yours will do."

-

Was this a date? It wasn't. I was sure it wasn't. It couldn't have been. Not possible. We were best friends. I was reading into this.

Noah had seen me with strep throat. Bought me tampons. Held my hair back while I vomited. There was no way he had feelings for me. He probably viewed me as his gross younger sister. Or his weird cousin who stole his clothes a lot. There was no way.

But I still found myself dialing Nick, staring down at my two outfit options, chewing the skin of my lip to a pulp waiting for him to answer. It took three back-to-back calls before his groggy voice mumbled into the line.

"I'm sleeping."

I rolled my eyes. "I need your help."

"Mona, I'm tired."

"Yeah, well, I was tired at six this morning. Sucks to suck. I need your help." I was now actively pacing my bedroom.

"Ugh, hang on." I could hear him moving around, likely sitting up in bed. A loud groan came on the other end. Stretching. "Alright, whose dying?"

"Nick, I don't know if this is a date."

He spoke through a yawn. "Your thing with Noah? You guys used to always do that shit."

I scoffed. "That was before."

"Before...what?" I could hear the sound of a door opening, and then closing.

"Before," I took a second, but wasn't even certain of what I was thinking anymore. I growled. "just before!"

"Well, that makes a lot of sense, huh?"

I could hear his voice echoing, and then the sound of water running. Wait...not water...

"Are you pissing on the phone with me, you freak?!"

He chuckled at that, still sounding exhausted. "You wake me up? You deal with the consequences."

I made a noise of disgust. "Wash your hands before we finish this conversation."

I could hear the sink running, and then he picked the phone back up.

"I honestly don't get what you're freaking out about, dude."

"Of course you don't get it. You're a cool, nonchalant, unbothered dude! Whereas I'm over here thinking way too much into this and having an anxiety attack!"

"Alright, alright. Calm down." He huffed back down onto his bed. "Talk me through it."

"Okay." I took a deep breath, turning to look at my bed. "I don't know what to wear. Usually, during movie nights with Noah, I wear sweats and a baggy t-shirt. I like to be comfy in the theater, especially since he takes us to the ones with the...uh..." I snapped to think of the word. "recliners! The chairs that lean back? So do I just go with normal attire? Or, do I dress up nicer? Show him I'm interested in this being more than just a typical movie date? Show off a little? Will that give him the wrong impression? Will he think I'm trying too hard? But if I bum it out, will he think I'm a slob and have let myself go since the breakup? I don't know what to do. Don't even get me started on makeup."

"Holy fuck dude, you are freaking out."

My heart was racing at the rate my mouth was moving, but Folio's voice made me snap my jaw shut. I only talked that fast when I was losing my mind.

"Listen," He breathed loudly, likely sinking back down into his pillows. "I get why you're nervous. But this is Noah."

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I'm aware."

"So that means, the beauty about going on a date with him is that he knows you better than anyone. Even me. So you can be yourself."

"It's a date."

"No shit. Noah has been pining over you since the day you both met. Wouldn't shut up about going to the movies with you all day. It's a date."

All of the blood drained from my face. "Oh."

My heart had froze. Thinking it to myself was one thing, but to hear someone else say it...

"Don't start spiraling. This has been almost a decade in the making. It's going to go fine. Just be you. Wear your comfy clothes. No makeup. Hair loose. You're stupid cute like that."

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Nick, knock it off."

He snickered. "Listen, babe. I may not be the one in love with you, but I can appreciate a fox when I see one."

I almost dropped the phone as my stomach lurched. "You said what just now?!"

Realizing his error, Nick's voice jumped several octaves. "No! No no no! I didn't mean it like that! It's a figure of speech!"

I felt my chest tighten. "Oh fuck..."

"Nope. Mona, listen to me! I was just using the phrase to prove a point! He's not in love with you!"

"He's not?"

"No, I mean...he is...well, he's never..." I could feel the vein in my neck threatening to burst. "Shit."

I sat on my bed, wiping my now damp palms on my pant legs.

"Listen, don't listen to me. I'm half asleep and I smoked before I went to bed, so I'm still a little faded. Just..." He took a hard breath. "Just be you, Mona. Regardless of how deep he feels for you, I know he's excited to just hang with you. He's kept you at arms length for over a year, out of respect. Now that he's allowed to get close again," I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I'm not sure he'll let you get too far anymore."

Something about that calmed me. That's why I called Folio. Despite my near-stroke, he knew how to talk me off of pretty much any ledge that I found myself inching toward.

"Okay. So comfy clothes, hair down, no makeup?"

"Right. But wear your jewelry."

My eyebrow raised in curiosity. "Yeah?"

"You know those rings you wear? And the choker? He thinks they're sexy."

I waited impatiently at the bottom of the apartment building, fingers pulling at the long sleeves of my shirt. Although I fully intended to snitch his hoodie, it was still too brisk to go completely unprotected.

His truck pulled up at five till nine, right on time. I hopped into the passenger's side easily, and cherished the familiar smell of him. I missed it something awful.

"Hey!" I looked over at him. Clearly, he had the same idea as I did, wearing his joggers, plain black hoodie, and his hair still wet from a shower. He looked so clean...edible. My mouth watered at the idea.

"Hey!" He reached over to pull me into a half-hug, letting his hand linger on my arm. His eyes glanced over me, lingering maybe a second or two longer on my neck. My black 90s style choker sat tight on my skin. He ran his fingers down my arm to my hand, running his thumb over the stone of the ring on my index finger.

Thank you, Folio.

"Multiplex has a showtime in thirty minutes?"

I smiled brightly. "Perfect!"

The drive was short, and we were bounding into the building, arm in arm, same as always. "We're getting popcorn?"

He smirked. "And candy."

After obtaining our goodies, we made our way into the theater, finding our seats. Before he leaned his back, he shrugged out of his sweater, dropping it in my lap. I looked over at him, and he only threw a wink at me. I slipped it on easily, sinking deep into the fabric.

The movie was scary...but it wasn't great. The story was very over-done. Teenagers in a place they shouldn't be. Fucking with stuff they shouldn't be. End up cursed and killed one by one.

Sounds like Evil Dead, right? Nope.

Cabin In The Woods? Nope.

Talk To Me? Nope.

Tarot, ladies and gentlemen.

I would admit, the jump scares would get me. During the first one, where the priestess jumps at the girl in the attic, I physically jumped, which caused Noah to grab my hand, and physically pull me into his side. I hid my face under the sleeve of the sweater, only watching from the top of my field of vision. The next jump, I nearly scrambled into his lap. He laughed at me for that.

By the final jump scare, I wasn't watching the movie anymore. My legs were over his lap, and his hand was tracing up and down my back. My ear pressed to his chest, I could hear his heart beating fast. Although he continued to watch the movie, laughing at the deaths, and chewing popcorn, I could tell Noah was just as nervous as I.

During one particularly horrific scene where a girl was being sawed in half...alive...I had to turn my face away from the screen.

"It's alright, they're barely showing anything." He whispered into my hair.

"You know I have a thing about being cut up alive." It gave me the creeps. Nightmare-fuel.

He chuckled. "I'll tell you when you can look."

The moment lasted far too long, the girl’s screams ringing in my ears as my fingers clutched at his shirt. After the scene had flipped, I let my body relax.

"It's over, baby."

The word.

He never called me that.

Mona. Mo'. Babes. Darling. Lady. Rick (Don't ask).

But 'baby'?

Never. Not once.

I pulled my face away from the soft cotton of his shirt, and instead of looking at the screen, I stared at him. Face lit by the lights of the movie flashing, I could see his eyes staring back down at me.

I couldn't have imagined the energy change. The voices in the background faded into a dull blur, not interesting me enough to see anything but him.

His lips were shiny, as if he had licked them. Maybe it was the butter from the popcorn.

I didn't care, because in that moment, they were mine for the taking.

Without any forethought, I grabbed his face, and pressed my mouth to his, feeling how soft his lips were. God, I had been missing out.

His arms tightened around me, leaning down to press himself against my body. His tongue pressed into my mouth, and my eyes rolled back behind my lids. I breathed into him, letting him feel everything I had been holding back for almost a decade.

Oh wow. Noah. It was always Noah.

Something inside my soul woke up. Something in my brain sparked to life and roared like a once-dead battery recharged.

Noah was it. He was what I was missing.

When we finally disconnected, his eyes looked about as blown as mine, breathing heavily. I just let my lips crack in a smile, my hand catching in his hair and knitting into the loose strands.

Our beautiful, incredible moment, was interrupted suddenly by a bright light flashing directly in our eyes. We looked over at the source, seeing a worker stood, flashlight pointed at us.

"Guys," He walked closer, voice hushed. "I get this movie is rated R, but you've got to go somewhere else to do all of that."

I sunk back into my seat, and Noah did the same. We both blushed hard, looking at each other, and giggling in embarrassment. We finished the last of the forgettable film in our respective chairs, our fingers still interlaced on the arm rests.

"Your aim sucks." His finger picked up the M&M out of his lap, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Yours is no better, dork." I giggled as I popped one in my mouth.

The overlook of the city lights glittered beside us, below the hill we parked on. The hatch of Noah's Navigator popped open, we sat in the back across from each other.

Since leaving the theater, we hadn't had any physical contact. I'm almost certain we were both too nervous. I wasn't sure how to get that magic back, but going home and parting company sounded torturous, so I recommended we go back to our spot.

It was customary to park here, just up the road from his house, secluded and quiet. We usually sat and debriefed the film we had just watched, but that didn't take long. We both agreed it was too stereotypical, agreeing it was only a 4/10.

After that, I recommended we play twenty questions...to stall, of course.

"It's your turn, punk."

I rolled the candy around in my mouth, and pursed my lips. "Mkay." I thought for a moment. "How many girls did you sleep with on this last tour?"

I wasn't sure when the questions turned dirty, but he seemed unfazed by it.

"Two. But they were meh." He poised his hand to toss another chocolate, and I opened my mouth.

"Yeah? Not the best?"

The candy missed and struck my nose, which I caught in my hand when it fell.

"Pretty much."

I nodded, ignoring the pull I felt in my stomach. I had nothing to be bothered by, so I ignored it.

"Your turn."

"Mm," He tossed another candy, making it onto my tongue this time. "What's your favorite position?"

I chuckled. "That's so stupid."

"Why?"

"Because, how many are there?"

He leaned against the siding of the truck, putting a handful of M&Ms in his mouth. "Kama Sutra says there's over a hundred."

I shook my head, giggling. "Well, I don't really have a favorite."

He rolled his eyes. "Everyone has their favorite."

"What's yours then?"

"Nope." He held up a finger. "Not your turn."

I shrugged. "Fine." I mulled it over for a moment, looking out at the lights. "Probably cowgirl. I'm old-fashioned."

He eyed me, as if he was suspicious. "Hmm," Popping the last candy in his mouth, he crumpled the bag in his hand. "I don't believe you."

"Why not?"

"It's too boring."

I raised my eyebrows. "You think I'm boring?"

He laughed. "No, I'm saying I don't believe you are."

"Because...?"

He shrugged then, almost looking cautious. After a moment, he pulled his knees up, resting his arms on them and interlocking his fingers. "I overheard Vinny talking once. He said you were a real freak in bed."

Something about that made my spine straighten and my blood run cold.

"Did he now?" My eyes were glaring at him.

He didn't falter. "He did. And I almost knocked his teeth in, but I don't doubt it."

"Why is that?"

His lips turned up in a small smile. "I just have a feeling."

His tone was menacing, and something about it made me swallow hard. I was caught between feeling mortified and turned on. Noah was always so relaxed and collected. I had never seen him look so...hungry.

"And you?"

"Me, what?"

Matching his energy, I sat up and leaned back on my arms. "Are you kinky? Or vanilla?"

I could see his lips twitch, caught off guard by my flip of power. "Define kinky?"

"Well," I leaned forward, leaving very little space between our faces. "do you have any dark things you like to do in bed? Anything...taboo?"

I could see his eyes watching my mouth as it moved. "I don't know."

Letting my tongue trace over my bottom lip, I smirked. "No? You've never had the chance to do anything different?"

He raised an eyebrow, now looking confused. "I mean, I'm not into like...feet, or anything, if that's what you mean?"

My eyes widened, and I couldn't stop the harsh, blistering laugh that busted out of me, making me lean back. Tears fell from my eyes, and I almost choked in the process.

I heard him laugh too, kicking a leg at me. "Hey, sorry I'm so vanilla."

I continued to cackle like a hyena, but sat up, holding my ribcage. "I'm sorry. Jesus, that was hilarious."

He rolled his eyes, clearly uneasy about his answer, but his smile was so warm, I couldn't help but reach out and grab his hand.

"It's your turn."

He sucked his teeth. "I thought it was yours?"

I huffed out the last of my laughter. "Fuck, I lost track."

"Alright, I'll go." He sighed, face now turning serious. "Was Vinny good in bed?"

His tone wasn’t playful, but I was still recovering from my fit of giggles. "Fuck no."

His eyes popped open. "Seriously?"

I wiped at my tears, sniffling. "Not at all, dude. He thought doggy style was kinky. He also referred to my chest as 'voluptuous'. Nothing kills a mood faster, let me tell you."

Now he was laughing, and I tossed my water bottle at him in response.

"It's not funny! He was awful!"

"So why'd you stay over a year?" He asked through his laughter.

"Cause." That was all I was giving on that subject.

"Did he at least make you come?"

Shaking my head, I made a gross face. "No. I usually finished after he would leave."

"Ugh, that's sad."

I rolled my eyes. "You're telling me. Guy thought eating pussy meant making out with it..."

Noah stilled, his eyes getting dark. "What a shame. Some guys have no finesse."

I felt small under his eyes, suddenly needing to switch topics off of me.

"My turn."

He just nodded in response.

"I want to go back to this kink thing." He stretched his legs and linked his hands behind his head, waiting. "Do you like it rough?"

"To me? Or to someone else?"

"Either?"

He smiled. "Both."

"Biting?"

He thought for a second. "Only sometimes."

"Choking?"

He snickered. "Yes."

Feeling brave, I sat up on my knees, slipping the hoodie over my head, and continued my interrogation.

"Dirty talking?"

"Give me an example."

I inched toward him, crawling on my hands until I was hovering over his legs. "Do you like telling her she's a good girl?"

"I suppose." His hands fell to his sides, palms up. "If she's being one."

Cocking my head to the side, I brought a hand up to his knee. "And do you like it when she begs?"

I watched as the Adam's apple in his throat bobbed. "Yes."

Slowly, my hand trailed up his thigh. "And what if she calls you names?"

His eyes scanned my face. "Like what?"

I smirked. "There's a lot of options. Sir. Master." I let a finger trace where I knew his anime tattoo was. "Daddy?"

Visibly, his sweats jumped when I said it, making my eyes shoot up to him, a demonic smile crossing my face.

"That's the one, isn't it?"

Sitting up quickly, he got in my face, his voice deadly serious.

"You know, you've asked me seven questions now. I think it's my turn."

I leaned back, moving to sit on my ass again, now under his heated stare. I just nodded.

"How long have you been thinking about me?"

My voice caught in my throat, confused. "W-What?"

He moved closer, looming over me. "How long has it been since you started picturing us together?"

I could feel his breath on my face, which made it impossible to construct a lie.

"Years."

"Have you ever thought of me when you were touching yourself?"

Oh God.

"Yes."

"Did you ever picture me, when you were with Vinny?"

It was suddenly really fucking hot out here.

"Yes."

His teeth flashed at me, ravenous.

"Do you want me to do all those things to you, that he never could?"

"Jesus Christ, Noah." It came out only as a breath.

"That's not an answer."

"Yes."

"Do you want me to lay you down right here? And eat your pussy until you're falling apart? Until you can't fucking remember how to breathe?"

Insert cause of death here.

"Y-Yes."

"You sure?" His lips were level with my ear now, voice so dangerously quiet.

"Yes," Finding the last of my spunk, I tilted my lips up, and let my eyes fell on him. "Daddy."

Somehow, I hadn't noticed that he had pulled his keys from his pocket, and suddenly, the hatch was closing. I only had a chance to look at it for a split second before I was being pushed onto my back, my sweats being pulled down off my hips. I giggled at the sudden change of energy, knowing I had flipped a switch in Noah. He leaned over me, suffocating me with a warm kiss, pressing himself down on my body.

He lifted off of me just enough to look me in the eyes. "You sure?"

He repeated his previous question, but this time with a touch less heat behind it. He was looking for permission.

Always the gentleman.

I brought my hands to either side of his face, forcing him to look me in the eyes.

"Noah," I pressed a quick kiss to his lips, and smiled. "I've never wanted anyone more than I want you in this moment."

His cheeks warmed under my fingers, and he gave me the most terrifying smile I had ever seen.

His hand slipped down into my panties, fingers slipping lazily between my lips, and I wriggled, gripping his shirt.

"Oh." My voice stuttered, and he licked a stripe up the side of my neck.

"Don't worry, baby. I've got you." One finger circled around my clit, and I pressed my hips up for more contact. "You've got yourself so worked up already."

Breathing becoming more difficult, I let my eyes fall closed. His hand slipped away from me to pull my panties down to my thighs, and I felt his body weight move off of me.

I opened my eyes to see where he went, but almost fell unconscious at the sight of him perched between my legs, hands bracing my knees. Without warning, he lifted me, arching my back upwards to lift my core to his face.

His lips latched to my sweet spot, and my vision almost went white. "Fuck!" I screamed, but he just opened his eyes to look directly at me.

He flattened his tongue, pressing it to my pussy with long strokes, pulling moans out of me at a rhythmic pace. My hands scratched at the floor, trying to find anything to grab onto.

Finally settling on latching onto his arms, my nails dug into the back of his skin as he tormented me, face pressing further and further against my core. I let my fingernails rip down the skin on his forearms, panting and thrashing against him. He let out a deep, guttural grown in response.

"Noah, fucking hell. I'm going to come."

He pulled his face away, replacing it with his hand, pressing a finger inside me and pressing it into that spot that had me almost crying.

"Ask me nicely, baby."

"Noah, please. Please!" I was desperate to feel his mouth on me again, trying like hell to not buck too hard.

"Nope. You know what I need, pretty girl."

Confused, I wracked my melting brain for what he was looking for. His finger laid on a pressure that made stars fly in my field of view, making it hard to concentrate.

Until, I realized...

"Please, Daddy, I want to come. Please." I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs.

He smiled, looking inhuman. My head rolled back and forth, wild.

"Mm, no problem, baby." And he was back on me, the tip of his tongue drawing my climax closer. His finger still pressed into me, and I'm fairly certain a second slipped in at some point.

It was so much, it was so beautiful. I was going to actually explode.

"Ugh, Daddy. That's it. I need it. Fuck, please. Don't stop." At this point, I was just babbling. Whatever I could to ensure he didn't stop.

When his lips grabbed onto me, an impossible suction that had my head swirling, I felt the orgasm crash into me, a sharp scream escaping.

Carefully, he set me down, and his fingers slipped out. When I cracked my eyes open, I caught the slightest glimpse of him sucking them into his mouth. I had never seen anything so raunchy, and it made my muscles twitch, already wanting more.

He sat back against the hatch, chest rising heavily, and stared at me.

He was gauging, and I could tell. He wanted to ascertain whether I was about to regret what just happened.

He's insane if he thought I could ever regret that.

Noah looked wrecked. His sweats bulged violently, begging for relief. I sat up slowly, letting the blood flow come back to the rest of my body. Carefully, I sat up on all fours, and crawled toward him. He didn't say a word, just following me with his eyes.

"That was amazing." I smiled an appreciative grin, looking up at him through my lashes. "How could I ever show my gratitude?"

I could see he was stunned, so I took the initiative to reach for his pants, pulling them down in the front, letting his erection free to stare me in the face. Taking a few long seconds to appreciate it, I looked back up, eyes innocent.

"Would you like it if I choked on your cock, Daddy?"

His pupils were so dilated, I swore his eyes were completely black. He nodded slowly, reaching a hand up to run his thumb down my cheek, and hooking my chin, forcing my mouth open.

His other hand now grasping my hair, he pressed me down onto his dick, my mouth swallowing it down as far as I could before I felt my gag reflex hit. A harsh choke came out of me, and his hand loosened.

I just inhaled a breath and swallowed him down again, picking up a pace.

A long, sweet moan erupted from his chest, his head falling back as he watched me work.

"Jesus, Mona." His other hand gripped the side of my face, catching a tear rolling down my cheekbone. "So fucking beautiful."

I felt his cock hardening, knowing he wouldn't last long this way.

"You enjoy being obedient, don't you?"

I smiled around his cock, stopping to lick a long stripe down the length to his sack, catching some of the skin between my lips for a second.

"Ah, fuck." His mouth had fallen open, eyes rolling back. "Going to swallow my come, pretty girl? You're so fucking desperate for it."

His hand shoved me down onto his cock harder, pressing himself past my tonsils and straight into the back of my throat. I coughed harshly, but he didn't let up, head leaning back and eyes rolling with it.

"So close, baby. So fucking close."

With every ounce I had, I hollowed my cheeks and sucked him as if trying to drain his life force right out. His fingers tangled in my hair ripped at my scalp.

"Fuck, I'm-" But he was cut off by his own release, his chest tensing and hand holding me in place, head pressed firmly against my gag reflex, the come hot as it hit me. I relaxed, letting my muscles swallow it down without incident.

Noah's body slumped back, and his hand loosened. Fighting for breath, I leaned my face against his leg, just gathering my thoughts.

It took me a moment to notice he was running his fingers through my hair, smoothing the knots he had created. I hummed against him before sitting up, and letting my eyes search his face - exhausted.

He looked so pretty like this. His hair was sticking to his forehead from sweat, his veins in his neck slowly relaxing, and his arms loose and sprawled out.

He caught me staring, and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

I just smirked, shaking my head. "Nothin'."

After about thirty minutes of semi-awkward silence and cleaning up as best as we could in the back of a vehicle, Noah and I made our way back to his place. It was late, so we made every effort to be silent as we made our way up to his room. It wasn't until he was putting the key in the lock of his door that we heard the voice behind us.

"Use protection."

Folio's voice made us both freeze, and our eyes looked back to where his door was closing across the hall. An embarrassed smile flashed over my face, and he just chuckled quietly before pulling me into his room.

It was familiar. I had been here hundreds of times, so I made myself comfortable, dropping my bag on his computer desk and kicking my shoes off next to all of his pairs. When I turned around, Noah was sitting on the bed, hands on his knees, and a look I didn't recognize on his face.

Concern? No, fear? I wasn't sure.

"What's wrong?"

He was chewing on his bottom lip, and I walked over to him, slotting into the place between his legs. His eyes, so fucking big, so sparkly, stared up at me. They looked soft. Vulnerable.

"I like you, Mona."

It was a very regular statement. There wasn't a certain word or emphasis that made it special. But it was. Because now things had changed. Noah wasn't just Noah anymore. He was something different. And the words may have been ordinary, but they sounded as if they should've been spoken in a confessional.

It was warming, and they made me smile.

"I like you too, Noah."

His fingers came to grip my waist, squeezing me gently. "I've liked you a long time."

Nodding, I placed my hands on the tops of his shoulders. "Same."

He shrugged hard, looking up and down my being, working out what he wanted to say.

"I want you to be happy."

I was a little confused. "Okay?"

His fingers pressed in harder. "I want to make you happy."

Remember getting butterflies when you were little? When a rollercoaster dropped? Or a cute boy smiled at you?

"You do make me happy."

He moved his hands to grab my own, and held them between us. "I want to be with you, Mona."

It was silly, I'm sure, but I was fucking giddy. Internally I was kicking my feet and squealing like a mouse. Disgusting.

"Noah?" His eyes were fixed on me, so he just twitched his brow in response. "Are you saying..." I swallowed theatrically, feigning anxiety. "you want to go steady?"

The smile that flashed across his face was blinding, all thirty-two teeth flashing like a beacon. I giggled, unable to hold back after making such an idiotic joke. He just followed suit, pulling me into a hug, his face pressed into my chest.

My arms wrapped around his neck and I rested my cheek on the top of his head.

"You're so stupid." His voice came out muffled against my breasts.

My chest shook, now laughing harder. "You like me."

He pulled back, and his hand reached to pull me closer by the back of my neck, pressing his lips against me softly. When he pulled away, his words came out as the softest whisper.

"So much."

[asexualbookbird]

insert Imagine Dragons Radioactive Gasp Here

Hi. Coming up for air. I'm surrounded by yarn ends and fabric scraps I'm sweaty and covered in paint. I was a tiny bit productive this July! Made lots of progress on the Irish Lullaby Blanket, painted our balcony, started a few projects I really shouldn't have, and oh yeah! READ EIGHT BOOKS?? Who am I. I'm twelve books ahead of schedule according to goodreads, eleven by StoryGraph standards. It's wild. It helps that my library is holding an adult summer reading bingo contest and I fully intend to fill out the entire board.

The City We Became by NK Jemisin ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- WAOW. I initially rated this four stars, but sitting on it and coming back to it now, it was absolutely a five star read. I would love to reread it, the world was intriguing, and the AUDIO NARRATOR WAS STUNNING! I do try not to judge the contents of a book by it's narrator, but what a performance! When library bingo is over, I'm listening to book two ASAP.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oh look! A Classic I actually enjoyed! I don't want to judge horror on whether or not I'm scared, because it IS kind of tough to get to me, but this was fun! I could see the spooks! Even if it wasn't spooky For Me, Personally, it was still a fun time!

The Butcher of the Forest by Premee Mohamed ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oh. Ouchie. A shortie, but a goodie, I'm kicking myself for returning the ebook immediately because I would've liked to go back and reread bits of it if not ALL of it. A not exactly new take on fae, but an interesting one that I actually enjoyed.

Starling House by Alix E Harrow ⭐⭐⭐⭐- I did NOT intend to read this directly after Hill House but I am SO glad I did. THE PARALLELS!!!! The circular story!!!! THE STARLINGS!!!! I laughed, I cried, I yelled at Arthur, there were surprises I genuinely didn't expect, but made so much sense in hindsight. I don't exactly buy the romance, but I'll let it slide this one time.

Ghost Station by SA Barnes ⭐⭐- Two stars is Very Generous. And I'm sticking to it because the concept is still intriguing and if you squint there was some Leech stuff going on. Maybe I should just reread Leech. Sigh. Ophelia was hired to do ONE. JOB. To make sure none of the team members have Want To Murder Disease. And then Birch shows signs of Want To Murder Disease and she KEEPS IT QUIET BECAUSE *checks notes* HE KNOWS HER DAD HAD WANTS TO MURDER DISEASE. Everyone is stupid. They're scientists and everyone is fucking stupid. It wasn't scary, because EVERYONE WAS FUCKING STUPID. Biting all of them.

Thornhedge by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oh T Kingfisher, you have never disappointed me, why do I read anything else. Another fun take on the fae! It's so hard to get me to like a fae book, so GOOD JOB KINGFISHER! I liked the new take on Girl Locked In A Tower, I liked that Toadling was surrounded by love and still encouraged to do what makes her happy. Again, I almost reread (listened. Whatever) this immediately just for funsies. Another banger from T Kingfisher.

The Sun and The Star by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro ⭐⭐⭐ - I've been waffling on this rating a LOT. Disclaimer that I haven't read any of Riordan's stuff since the OG Percy Jackson series, and that was ages ago so I can't compare this to that. This was a fun little book, but it felt a little heavy handed with the themes even for a middle grade. It doesn't make me want to read more, but I'm not mad I read it at all.

The Scapegracers by HA Clarke ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Okay. Listen. Look. Look at me. Was this The Perfect Book? No absolutely not. Was it a banger? Did I have fun? YES ABSOLUTELY YES! It's a book I could've needed in high school, but I wouldn't have been mature enough to appreciate it so I'm glad I have it NOW. Angry Queer Teen Girls will run the world. And I'm here for it. So looking forward to the rest of the series, I need to know what sort of mischief these girls get up to. I hope they curse another fuckboy. They deserve it.

BONUS! I also watched The Haunting of Hill House on netflix! One bingo square said "read a book then what the movie" and I really thought Mike Flanagan's Hill House was a movie but no it was ten (10) hours of spooky fucked up family dynamics. Also Nate Ford was there. Naturally. It was good! It was creepy! I wanna watch it again JUST FOR THE TREE HOUSE. I was skeptical when I first started because who the hell are you people (Steve, Shirley) but no it was fun! But also. Fuck Steven and Shirley. Congrats to Theo and moving in with her girlfriend of one week, peak lesbian stereotypes. Biggest complaint is with Mike Flanagan and his need to not only kill cats, but get close up shots of said dead cats. What's up with that my dude. What did cats ever do to you?

Plans for August (how am I saying that) are The Bone Season side by side comparison with the first edition and the tenth anniversary edition. I'm counting that as two books, I think, because it IS two books, and looking at them next to each other, there's a pretty sizable difference in page count! No clue about word count. This is part of book bingo (reread a book you didn't enjoy the first time), and this has helped me realise that I've been avoiding this for a Reason. I truly and surely did not enjoy The Bone Season and have no desire to experience that again. Don't know what to do with this information. So. I'm rereading it. Yay.

I have a few sewing projects I'm working on, and I am SO CLOSE to finishing the Irish Lullaby Blanket! It's exciting! So lets go!! Bring it on, August!!

[sunthyme]

Okay, now is technically the last one before my prefect design lol. OOPS I FORGOR fuck well here they finally are lol...

😭Other Side Characters😭

I drew so many cutie patooties in this batch omg they're adorable. But first we'll kick off with the Royal Blade characters!

🐱Chenya🐱

Because I'm not spelling out his whole damn name 💀

(he/she/they/it/ whatever pronouns you can think of lol) Genderqueer - Pansexual

Teehee I forgot to colour in the damn hair clips... I'm gonna kms /j

- Genderqueer cat. Any character based on the Cheshire Cat is genderqueer to me istg. Chenya is no exception.

- I kept most of her design the same but added in some heterochromia for funsies and used those colours for the hair clips and earrings. Xe is also Hispanic, idk it just felt right.

- Totally has ADHD. The impulsive thoughts are obvious with this one and I think that Neige serves as its impulse control. They made like, a pact of sorts (after their Headmage yelled at Chenya for doing something) that Chenya tells Neige whatever the impulsive thought is and Neige either tell Chenya 'No, you can't do that' or 'We can do this instead'.

- Broke asf. I dunno but I feel like Chenya has like the worst habit of impulse buying you've ever seen so they never carry money on they to try and avoid it at Trey and Riddle's recommendation. It's mostly worked as Neige buys anything Chenya needs when they go out anyways.

Speaking so much of Neige,

🐦Neige LeBlanche🐦

(he/him) Transmasc - Biromantic Asexual

God I love how Neige came out, look at him!!! He's such a cutie patootie omgomg I love him sm

- Anyways, I was fighting my demons to not make him black and I lost. I dunno, we don't have enough sweet, cute black boys in media and that is a crime.

- I gave him some hairclips with cute lil charms on them and some of those silly little acne patches. Idk if he actually has acne, he totally could, but I think he'd wear them either way to like normalise not be ashamed of it, y'know?

- I gave him some cute little apple earrings which were a gift that Rook gave him after a concert with one of his letters lol. He wears most of the jewelry gifted to him at one point or another but he really likes the apple earrings.

- Has a crush on Vil. Idk how popular of a headcanon that is but as soon as they interacted, I felt like it made sense. I love the one-sided rivalry lmao with Vil hating his ass and he's just like, 'Omg, she's so pretty and cool and smart. Wow, I'm so glad we get to work together so much!' It's really funny ngl.k

- Loves to crochet, knit, and sew. All are kinda skills he picked up while caring for the dwarves but they're his favourite to do. He's made Chenya a few sets of mittens (because for some super mysterious reason, they always go missing) and a quilt at some point.

- Likes anything with apples in it, pies, drinks, you name it. Fall is his favourite season because of apple cider alone (otherwise it'd be spring).

Onto the Kingscholars!

🦁Cheka Kingscholar🦁

(he/him)

He's so cute!!! I love him omg I'd actually love to babysit him look at those eyes

- I kept his design also pretty on model, darken his skin a smidge and textured his hair to match Leona's. Smacked some dimples and birthmarks on as if he wasn't cute enough already.

- The gold eyeliner is like a royal thing, maybe be specific to the crown line or maybe Leona's just too fcking lazy, probably the later.

- He's actually really good at chess. He's played many games with Leona, even though he didn't get it at first, but now he can beat most people who play him (still not Leona lest he really screws up something). Most of his birthdays, he gets a new pretty chess set and he has a little display of them in his room.

Now for his dad! The only character here without a canon design (as far as I know... which I'm upset about).

👑Farena Kingscholar👑

(he/him) - Heterosexual

I woulda also made a design for his wife but I don' think she even has a name?? So maybe in the future.

- I based him more on Leona, trying to make sure that Cheka didn't just get his trait lmao. I think that he got his piercing actually after Leona got his because the palace staff were criticising him for it so Farena went and got one.

- I dunno, he's giving bi wife energy. It helps that the women of Sunset Savannah are buff and cool and I'm so mad we never saw them 😭😭😭 I wanna see Leona's sister-in-law so bad ;^;.

- He's not as much into the intellectual side of things like Leona is, would rather defeat people with strength which is why the two really don't get along super well. Though I think it's only perceived on Leona's side, I don't think Farena realises how much hurt Leona's had throughout his life.

- Angst aside, he doesn't get much in the way of free time what with all his royal duties and such. His favourite activities are spoiling his family and getting used as a weight for his wife's daily exercise!

We got even more other family characters incoming...

🐍Najima Viper🐍

(she/her) - Bicurious

Fair warning, I haven't encountered any of the last three characters lol.

- I didn't change much here either, just added some red streaks to her hair and matched her palette to Jamil's.

- I don't know if her age is ever implied but I think she'd be younger than him by like a year. She went to a different school with Kalim's cousin (who they're like besties).

- I feel like Najima didn't get the same set of exceptions set on her growing up and so her relationship with the Al-Asims, while still not necessarily healthy, was nowhere near as damaging. I think that while Jamil definitely envies that, he'd rather die than make her go through the same thing as him.

Up next,

🧢Mama Spade🧢

(she/her) - Bisexual

Never met her either 😭😭😭

- I based her off my Deuce design and really just added some more piercings. I actually toned down the blonde streaks but I think they'd both have just a few.

- I believe she has a small business??? Or something? I didn't read the wiki but her hat had a delivery service me thinks but I stan her having a small business.

- She loves her son very much and was super excited when she saw his new piercings. Also, super accepting when he came out, obvi and thinks that while Ace is a bit of a rascal, they do click together.

I don't have a ton for her but I want that event to come back pleaseeee 🙏🙏🙏

🐉Meleanor Draconia🐉

(she/they) Agender - Aromantic Pansexual

- I had so much fun with her horns. I made them more branchy and I think a full grown dragon (well, like an old one) would basically have a web of antlers. I added some purple to the tips for the 🌸aesthetic🌸.

- Also added some wave to her hair. Malleus looked in her spitting image so I figured I'd give Levan's genes a chance lmao. They're also super tall, probably even taller than Mal herself and especially with the horns.

- I think she'd have left some things that Malleus ended up growing up with not realising they were from her, like a hair clasp, some assorted jewelry, a couple toys and items that Lilia gave him when he was old enough. Pieces of her for him to grow up with, y'know?

Anyways, I'm so sorry for this posting without anything lmao I was real tired last night! Prefect is next on the chopping block!

[technovillain]

~PSYCHIC GENETICS~

So I keep trying to think about how genetics would work regarding someone being a psychic or not. It's obviously not super common to be a psychic but probably more common than people might expect in the world with stigma against it. I'm thinking like left-handed type percentage maybe which is around 10% of people.

But I'm using blue eyes as a reference point regarding looking into genotypes for psychic brain activity and I think I can make that work with that headcanon because around 8-10% of people have blue eyes.

So here's my concept for the psychic genotypes and phenotypes and how it plays into my character headcanons....(and I guess I'll see if any of my current headcanons are disproved by this theory too I guess lol!) Let me bust out some Punnett Squares and interpret the results. (I know that realistically to explain it better it wouldn't be determined by a single trait for the genotype and that a multi-trait explanation could probably type the phenotypes I created in a much more comprehensive way but I'd rather just go basic for right now ^_^)

Okay so here's the outcome of a homozygous nonpsychic and a homozygous psychic. All heterozygous outcomes. I choose to believe that the heterozygous outcomes can present in a number of ways, including:

Completely under-the-radar psychic presence that the individual is fully unaware of, functionally nonpsychic

Outright psychic with a psychic awakening from a young age like a homozygous psychic would typically have

"Weaker" psychics or psychics with a more limited skillset

"Spiritual" type individuals with some sort of psychic awareness without the outright presence of psychic "powers"

I personally think that the "strength" of a psychic's power has something to do with lineage, and not necessarily whether the genotype is purebred recessive for the psychic phenotype.

So here's an example with my headcanons for the Aquato lineage.

Zalto - the more "spiritual awareness" type psychic presence without actual powers

Mithra - fully realized psychic with very strong powers including visions

Lucrecia - fully realized psychic from a young age

Marona - functionally nonpsychic

Lazarus - fully nonpsychic

Augustus - limited skillset psychic / possibly just untrained

I like to assume that both of Donatella's parents are fully nonpsychic. This puts the kids' respective genotypes and phenotypes as:

Dion [NN] - fully nonpsychic

Frazie [Nn] - outright psychic

Razputin [Nn] - outright psychic

Mirtala [NN] - fully nonpsychic

Queepie [Nn} - psychic with limited skillset, fully unaware of psychic status

With the 50/50 probability, 3/5 kids with psychic presenting traits lines up pretty well!

But touching back on what I said about the intensity of the psychic abilities one may have based on lineage, I would draw it back to the previous homozygous genotype carrier of the family. Letting that person's psychic strength sort of have a determining factor on what the cap of their lineage's power might be. So for example I headcanon Mithra as being a very powerful psychic, and that was passed down to Lucrecia as being vey powerful. Marona wasn't a strong psychic, Augustus had a higher level of psychic activity than her, Frazie has about the same level as Augustus, and Razputin, while having the mixed genotype, meets the same level as his origin point Mithra.

Just for funsies here's some of my other psychic geno- and phenotype headcanons :]

Loboto's mother had the recessive psychic gene and didn't know it as she was the "functionally nonpsychic" genotype. She would be disgusted to know this about herself👍👍 Loboto had the psychic phenotype with a young awakening but due to his procedure cannot reach the cap of power he would have been able to otherwise, and now has a very limited skillset, lending mostly to telekinesis upon his gradual recovery

Morry's father was fully nonpsychic [NN] and his mother had a strange spiritual awareness that occasionally allowed her to accurately predict the future or have suspiciously accurate "gut feelings" [Nn]. Both of Morry's brothers are NN and he is Nn.

Sasha's parents were both Nn and functionally nonpsychic, and Sasha is nn.

Both of the Natividad sisters' parents are the nn genotype and consequently so are the daughters.

(Referencing my headcanon Zanotto family tree) Tia & Teddy were both Nn and functionally nonpsychic, Bob is fully psychic nn, Laurel was Nn and functionally nonpsychic, Jonny was Nn which explained his prophetic visions, Truman is nn, Delphine is NN, Lili is Nn.

Okay that's all for now, if you read my very long and incredible nerdy post then I appreciate it!!! And if you have headcanons about genetics and psychics please tell me abt them!!! Genetics is one of my big burner interests that I will occasionally remember and try to apply to fiction lol! ( I really should do more research on it though because my understanding of it all is still a bit elementary tbqh )

[yuurivoice]

since you love to write, does your job ever feel like actual work? Kinda like that saying “if you love your job, you’ll never work a day of your life.” Kinda question.

also, how much free time do you normally have?

It felt like actual work from pretty early on. The moment I crossed over from doing it for funsies to sometimes taking commissions I didn't really feel strongly about for money, it was work.

I've had to drag my ass into the booth and record on days when I couldn't even take care of my basic needs because of ADHD struggles, and that sure felt like work.

I've had to write like absolute dogshit and just accept it because I had deadlines and people waiting on me. That felt like work.

I've had to spend hours breaking down different shots needed for visual projects, like a caveman painting on a wall for a renaissance artist to reference. That definitely felt like work.

I've had to deal with community moderation, personal betrayals of trust, harassment, goddamn pr crises, tax nightmares, and shipping hundreds of orders by hand. That was work.

That old cliche of if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life is a crock of shit. But all of that being said, even though it is work, and even though it can be really difficult sometimes?

Wouldn't trade it for the world. There is no other calling for me, my heart is not satisfied if I am not telling stories, and for some reason the universe decided that this was the path forward. I didn't plan on it. I never loved voice acting, but I learned to. I wish there was less bullshit over the years that robbed me of my joy. I wish I wasn't fighting my brain for so much of the time I've been doing this.

But the good will always outweigh the bad.

It's a dream fulfilled. I never needed or wanted to be some sort of massive sensation, or have broad renown or appeal. I didn't need to become a best selling author, or create a hit video game, or do anything like that. I am happy that I've found even a small group of people who love to get lost in my worlds, or spend time with my characters, or hear them get railed in pumpkin patches.

I get to experience the magic of creating something I didn't know was within me. Again and again. Projects like BitterSweet, Shattered, and Echoes of Evalas are precious to me because of the wondrous feeling creating those stories gives me. They could all flop, and I'd do it anyway.

I was creating art when no one was ever there to listen or watch. In that regard, it's never been work. It is a function of my existence. I was made, raised, and shaped to tell stories. It's the one thing I can do. At a table of friends, an audience of hundreds, or on long drives by myself. It's like breathing. It just happens.

Being able to call it work is a privilege. I'm thrilled that I've got the chance to work. I'm happy that I even have the opportunity to have days where I have to push myself. Because it has given me more than I've ever thought it could. I was on food stamps living with family under constant threat of getting kicked out. I was lonely, isolated, and scared of the world. I was considered lazy.

Finding my lane, getting traction, and thriving was something I considered out of reach. I was ready to tap out and accept that I just wasn't quite right for life. Like maybe I just didn't have all the right parts. I was okay with it, even. I was tired.

So yeah. It's work. But I spent a long time desperate to find work I was suited for, and with a lot of recent life changes I've removed many of those points of friction that would make it tough to work. So I'm thrilled.

And that, my friends, is what happens when you ask a professional yapper if they love yapping. 😂

As for free time, it's hard to say. So much of what I do being my own boss and shit, plus creative stuff just constantly churning in my brain, I struggle to clearly define what is and is not "free time". I basically have to be on call. At any given moment something might need my attention, or creativity comes knocking. It's hard to completely disconnect.

I've done a good job of getting into the office about four times a week. That has helped me find some sort of balance, but even recent writing I've done was on my laptop at my little breakfast nook having coffee.

I think the big thing is, I can create my free time whenever I need or want to.

Anywho, this is why you don't open Tumblr when you wake up to pee in the middle of the night because then you spent 30 minutes staring at your phone writing a whole ass essay. I'm gonna go get out of bed and make something awesome now. 💖

[jackals-ships]

actually rambling about sexuality and gender id stuff bc i find Language Fascinating and also bc Welcome To The Jackal Won't Shut Up Show <3

once again I have locked the windows (under a cut bc rambling bullet points)

think i told my moirail once that my gender is that tweet like "met a very pretty twink at the bar and we made out turns out he was a very handsome butch actually"

personally i Was a girl (and could be a girl again) and i do partially feel that my circumstances changed me into no longer (or not quite) a girl

however even as a girl i was a very masculine girl. baby jackal could Not tell you why dresses were becoming Bothersome but looking back it's like ah. baby butch that's the energy

(stone butch blues hit a lil too close to home the first time i read it and made me OTL)

boy is fine. man is. Not Quite. girl is what i Used to be. woman is. Not Quite Right Either. ma'am is bad but sir is Nice?

but also im a Guy and a Gal and both of those are gnc. the more like a Gal i feel the more masculine i dress, the more like a Guy i feel the more feminine. used genderfluid as a label for a lil but that also didn't feel Quite It

wlw and mlm solidarity in my jackal? more likely than you might think

DID think "okay maybe im a butch lesbian and some of this is comphet"

but i don't think so bc i don't care Who i kiss i just like kissing and holding hands and cuddling

^ "platonic and romantic Feels different" DO THEY? bc i would kiss my friends. i like kissing. my friends make my chest feel Fuzzy and Soft ?? i have yet 2 see a difference explained that makes Sense and maybe one day i will

i id as some kind of ace flavoring bc. gestures vaguely. it's funny when docs are "ah it must be a libido issue-" one time my theater tech teacher told us we can't fuck in the prop room. it wasn't me that did it but like with my body sending eye emojis I Understand Why Now,

i do not wish to be Touched. i am ambivalent/might enjoy Touching. this has yet to be properly tested but also im unsure if i Care to test it? there are other things i like Much More ?? (the things are kink) (chop chop put on the knights armor we're telling a Story)

(my moirail said my kink is world building and i haven't emotionally recovered since)

fiction is a whole different story obvs im exploring via my little freaks and squishing em together for funsies

but i still don't Understand What Sexual Attraction Feels Like yanno? i have not seen an explanation for this either that makes Sense To Me

tldr this is why i use queer most often as a short hand bc the longer version is just "shit man idk I just work here. sometimes"

[queenlua]

okay let's make tibarn/naesala happen

let's enumerate every possible way to make them work. for funsies. because i am normal and have normal 3am hobbies:

option 1: reyson and leanne both die tragically somehow; tibarn and naesala have weird sex about it

pros: ngl this is my Default Option for like 80% of my ships for a reason. it's just fundamentally neat when ppl are sad about their dead former lover and think about them constantly even whilst they are flinging themselves into the arms of a new one. if you can get TWO people doing that simultaneously? with each other?? hell yes

cons: honestly...,,, both of these boys seem enormously terrible at providing anything remotely resembling comfort. like, i feel like they try to have weird angsting-over-reyson-and-leanne sex, but then they just have normal-ish, boring, wham-bam-thank-you-m'am, vaguely-unsatisfying sex, so then you're not even getting Demented Catharsis out of it, and then WHAT IS THE POINT. like have you ever known a dude who takes up jogging to try and get over his ex? and then he quits after a couple weeks when he remembers Wait Cardio Is Boring As Fuck? it's like that. i think they try it for a bit and it's blah and all purely physical and then they're done. i'm just not quite seeing it here!

option 2: naesala's the weird skrunky sometimes-third-wheel sometimes-third-partner to reyson/tibarn

pros: i think this meshes best with all their personalities as presented in canon. tibarn & reyson keep letting naesala off easy because, y'know, he's more useful to keep around and guilt-trippable, but also because he's pretty fun to drag into bed sometimes, right

cons: this is avoiding the tricky bit, right? i specifically said naesala/tibarn because i want to figure out how to emulsify these oil-n-water bitches together. if you let reyson be the glue between them, you're taking the easymode way out!

option 3: do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield

(aka, naesala and tibarn both murder the hell out of some senator who dicked both of them over, and they look into each other's eyes and realize that despite all their differences they do both find Murderous Justice very hot, deep down. and maybe also each other? like it's hot that this guy also Gets It right)

pros: ok, come to think of it, you could make this one really funny. like, suppose Reyson's been kidnapped or something, right, and Tibarn's like I Will Do Anything (Even Ally With Naesala) To Get Him Back

and so Tibarn fights Through Hell And High Water to rescue his twinky boyfriend

and they SUCCEED, and Reyson's super-unconscious but safe, and in that moment he looks into Naesala's eyes and... they get supremely frisky, and it feels incredible and right in the moment but boy that's gonna be awkward the second Reyson actually wakes up lmao

cons: dissolves the second reyson wakes up, alas. like the Weirdness hangs around after, that's still fun, but.

option 4: naesala has a little bit too much fun being the powerful one for a change

i'm pretty sure naesala would Literally Die rather than ask tibarn for help, ever. but tibarn? tibarn might in fact get desperate enough to call on naesala for help. you could probably spin some toxic yaoi out from there, right. tibarn very much trying to hold onto a sense of self and telling himself he's just doing this for instrumental reasons, but also having his sense of self lowkey fucked up by having to play second fiddle to naesala. naesala very much enjoying stringing this guy along. that kind of deal

pros: wasn't thorki big for a while or something. i feel like we get thorki vibes out of this. can i steal some MCU ppl away to spur on a Second Great Awakening Of Tellius...

cons: this would require me to have a good Theory Of Mind for Tibarn in particular, which i do not, alas!

anyway god i should get some sleep. further options welcome

[skayafair]

John, Lies and Trust, and the Dark World

Okay, okaaaayyyyy I'm so normal about all this you have no idea *exhaaaale*

This is basically John's character study after all the s4 finale's revelations. The post ended up being too long, and I know how we're all here either ND or just hate long walls of text, so I broke it down into a series of about 4-5 posts I'll put here gradually. The last (?) part, the parallels between s3 and 4, is still in progress, but others are completed.

There's goint to be a general introduction, then the Dark World, the deal, John's personality after the Dark World, and S3 &4 parallels. Enjoy! I'll be glad to discuss.

Introduction

So, I've relistened to s3 and the finale once again. I'm not feeling well, fellas. The more I think about this whole deal, the worse it gets.

What initially tripped me off was how lifeless Arthur sounded after he learned about John's deal with Kayne and how easily he agreed to Kayne's offer, like he suddenly lost all the fight he used to have in him - because John betrayed him with his lies, in Arthur's pov (probably). Now, I've listened to the finale about 3 or 4 times and still can't determine if The Great Divorce is waiting for us or not. There wasn't that much time for any interactions or processing, so while Arthur sounded shocked initially, it's also Kayne they're dealing with, and, moreover, ecstatic Kayne, which is worse, and he's just blew up one person's head and yeeted another gods know where. AND he hears John, so not much room for talking things out. Maybe Arthur was just being smart and cautious. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway, because the boys were getting MUCH better at communication and established a remarkable level of trust between them. And Arthur had all the hints at what was going on in general, so. Is he an investigator or what.

So that's not what I want to talk about but needed to get this out of my system, and it leads to the actual topic.

Trust.

Trust between these two has been something like a cornerstone since the very beginning, has been tested and broken and mended a number of times, but it becomes one of the most important and prominent topics as early as in season 2. We all remember the pits, thank you very much, right.

This was an important lesson for John to learn. He... that's a bit of a projection but it seems to me like he's finding out the limits of what's what (the good and the bad, acceptable and not, hurtful and healing, etc.) a bit like I do - by hitting the extremes and gradually coming to the happy middle, like a pendulum. Once the extreme is found, he'd try his best not to go there again unless it's really necessary in his opinion. Before the pits he learned that saying and doing some things was a no-go, and lying to Arthur was one of them.

Frankly, it's almost funny how bad he was at it almost since the beginning. He's supposed to be a great manipulator, and seemed to be pretty sucessful at it at first, but lost his cool too quickly, being too annoyed by Arthur and just grumbling the orders. Even so, when he started getting attached even in the slightest, lying immediately became more difficult for him. So this is one thing we learn rather early: John actually hates lying. He's really, really BAD at it when it comes to Arthur whom he cares about, even when he's not very sure about it yet. He lies so reluctantly that it's pretty easy to spot when something's off and you don't even have to be an investigator for that.

Could it be partly because the original King in Yellow is supposed to whisper the truths any sane person cannot bear, and not just manipulate them?

Right before the pits, when they agreed to trust each other and John rolled back to lying, it wasn't just for funsies or a vicious manipulation. And he didn't like what he was doing. But, in his opinion, it was necessary, it was useful and helped him - and them - in a precarious situation. He lied about the depiction of the KiY on the wall and some other things which seemed objectively dangerous and could trip Arthur off if mentioned, but didn't take anything away if stayed hidden. And the wall carving thing was simply about John's fear. I'm not sure what exactly he was scared of, but to me it seemed as if it was of losing Arthur's trust just when they established it. They arrived to the KiY's place, what if Arthur suspects John was plotting something (when he wasn't, but how does he prove it?!), so better not to mention this. It's just a carving, who cares, they'll be fine. It probably sounds irrational, but that's how I saw the situation. And it was irrational, because John panicked.

I can't remember which ficwriter said that John reverts to lying when he's scared (pls tell me I'll leave the credits here), but I think it's a very good observation that's never come across my mind before I read it.

So he was panicking and making things up as he went, and it backfired exactly with what he was trying to avoid.

Therefore:

John hates lying and isn't good at it

reverts to it when deeply scared

learned it was a very important point to never lie to Arthur, otherwise the trust will be lost (and John values this trust a lot)

It goes without saying that the no lying rule goes both ways as both boys hate being lied to.

And right after this newfound knowledge and determination to be better John promises to never forget Arthur (mutually), then promptly loses Arthur (not being sure if he's even alive) and gets pulled back to the King.

I was impressed to learn he stayed true to his word and fought the King tooth and nail every moment he could. Even Kayne confirmed that, so it's not just John's bravado.

He won. Actually this is a huge revelation in on itself, because it shows how just strong and big part of the King John is: he's beaten the King in a battle of wills in his own realm. Think about it, just think. No wonder he defeated Yellow, too.

I bet he thought he had nothing left to lose and was desperate not to lose himself. John actually wants to live really bad, I think, and not as a part of someone else, but as his own person. but definitely together with Arthur by the way he sounded in s3 and 4

And then he ended up in the Dark World, alone, just like he used to fear.

TBC

[m-n-m-s]

Hiiii, could you please write headcanons of 1610!Miles having a younger sibling? Not a spiderperson tho. Also pretend that his younger sibling was also in ITSV and ATSV movies! 😄 (fun fact, Miles actually had a little baby sister in the comics)

HIII

1610! Miles with a younger! sibling

1610! Miles Morales + Gn!Younger!Sibling Reader

red: miles

green: you

ok so depending like how much younger than him you are

it would be a lil different

let's say you were like a decent few years younger, not rly close in age

y'all would be pretty chill ngl

"miles?"

"yeah?"

"can you help me with my drawing?"

"..."

"..."

"ok fine. just stop with the puppy eyes."

if you're like way younger than him and you give him your best puppy eyes that man is a goner.

however.

if you guys are like similar in age, with you being a few years younger

the two of you will be switching between:

BESTIES!!!!

i hate you.

"wow, this is actually a great drawing."

"...thank you?"

*literally five minutes later*

"get your arachnid-looking ass out of my way."

"extremely unnecessary. but okay."

you found out the fact he was spider-man relatively quick

yk that one scene in itsv when he gets everything in his dorm room stuck to him?

that happened once at home

you just strolled in and he's standing on one of the walls sideways

attempting to un-stick several drawing tools off of his hands.

one of which was also stuck to the ceiling, may i add.

you kinda just stood there for a moment

both of you engaged in like a staredown typa thing

"i can explain."

"why the fuck are you standing parallel to the floor??"

"..."

"you spiderman or something?"

"...maybe?"

you were originally joking with that sentence, but okay

anyway from that point on you had to restrain yourself from using the "miles is spider-man!" card with your parents

forced him to swing you around the city once

big mistake!!

miles will insistently claim that you were clinging to him so hard that you cut off his blood circulation.

"we are HUNDREDS OF FEET UP IN THE AIR MILES! DO YOU WANT ME TO FALL AND DIE??"

"you really don't need to yell in my ear. maybe i should drop you-"

"do not."

miles will literally never admit it but he was ridiculously worried for you while he was with the other spiders during itsv

the same in atsv

but both of you would rather eat the dust beneath the other's bed than admit that you missed each other

the most you would probably do when he came back home would be like this sad shoulder pat

"good on you for not dying."

"thank you for not getting kidnapped by a random villain dude."

"aww, were you worried about me?"

"nah. did you miss me?"

"no. i finally got to take my time in the bathroom in the morning."

this is a lie.

if miles wasn't preoccupied with trying not to die, he would be picking at his nails, hoping you were okay

meanwhile, you were almost missing the annoying knocks on the door and the accompanying "god, hurry up!"

when gwen finally visited him in atsv, you were so prepared.

subtly embarrassing your older brother in any way possible

for funsies!!

"yo, miles! why is your bright pink teddy bear in the middle of the fucking hallway??"

"shut up. that's not mine."

bro definitely apologized to the teddy bear afterward

you definitely tried to fight someone for miles at least once

he watched in amusement the whole time.

but if it actually started turning out to be a physical fight he would pick you up and/or drag you away

you're not gonna get hurt because of him

"let me go! i can take him-"

"sorry, no can do. mama would murder both of us."

there was one time when he almost got into a fight with someone because he heard them talking about you

you had to use all your strength and will to drag him outta there

"damn your stupid mutant spider strength-"

"radioactive."

"i didn't ask. c'mon, spidey."

shenanigans aside, you were always there for him whenever he came back late after his spider duties

you didn't ask questions, because most of the time, he didn't look like he would answer them

so you quietly patched him up, cracking stupid little jokes to see him smile

if he wanted to talk about it, you would listen

maybe even give him a hug, which you never really do

the next morning he would let you steal some food from his plate to thank you

maybe even take you for a swing, only if you promised not to cut off blood supply to his arms

all in all, miles n his younger sibling's relationship would be very funny to watch but also very sweet <3

his lil baby sis in the comics was so adorable omg 😭 🫶🏻

i was gonna make this shorter but it ran away from me 😦

[sadraccoon061]

So, here's a thing!

The first part of my new Sims Story*.

Inspired by Shadowrun & Cyberpunk worlds & themes etc. Basically, my Alien squad getting up to shenanigans that I have decided to mash into a story for funsies:

Newt moves in with new roommates VexX and Ambergris, all aliens living on Simterra*. Newt hopes to make a new life for himself and pursue his medical training, and maybe make some friends along the way. Little does he know that VexX and Amber are actually part of a Runner crew, taking on jobs that frequently involve the underworld and shadier elements of the city...and it often leads to trouble.

*Insert clever title here...TBC *My name for the Sims planet

Anyway, if you check it out, hope you enjoy it!

【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ　１：　Ｉｎｔｒｏｄｕｃｔｉｏｎｓ】

Newt: Well, here goes nothing. I got this? I got this. Okay Newt...just like we practised...Oh! Should I have brought some kind of food as a gift? Have I got time to run to the shop? I wouldn't even know where the shops are here...ugh Well, that's that then. Guess I'm doing this, gift or not...

Newt walked into the apartment, and was immediately greeted by a man in dark sunglasses with deep grey skin with red markings, and with red hair to match. Newt was an alien himself, but this man looked like no being he had ever seen before. He was so intrigued and realised that he was staring, and his carefully rehearsed introduction ended up tumbling out in a garbled mess... Newt: Oh...um...helloit'snicetomeetyou, mynameis- ???: Woah! Slow down, kid! You're Newt ain't ya? Newt: Y-yeah that's me! I live here! Well, sort of. I will live here...um...I'm moving in today!

VexX: [VexX chuckles] Heh, I knew it! Take a breath, Newt, ya found the right place. 'm VexX. Guess we're officially roomies now! Newt: G-good to meet you! [Newt automatically reaches out to shake hands, and VexX returns the gesture] VexX: Careful kid, that's my eyeball you're squeezing. One of 'em, anyway! [VexX winks]. Newt: Oh, I'm so sorry! Um... [Newt withdrew his hand, flustered, which only seemed to amuse VexX]

VexX: [VexX laughs] Relax, 'm only jokin' with ya. Seriously, don't worry about it. It ain't like ya expect eyes to be there, y'know? Even with people like us! [VexX eyed Newt's bag and suitcase] Is that all ya stuff? [Newt nods, and VexX nodded back in understsanding] 'kay then, here, let me grab that one for ya and I'll show ya t'ya room. Newt: That's okay I can manage...don't trouble yourself...um... Newt quickly realised that his protests were pointless, and he surrendered the bag to his insistent, helpful new housemate.

VexX: So I'll give ya the grand tour later but for now, my room is at the end there, you're next to me 'cause...well, Ambz will explain 'm sure...there ain't all that much to see but it's home, y'know? Newt's gaze swept over the apartment as his new roommate lead him to his new room, excited. His new home. VexX was right that there wasn't much to see - from here he could see most of the rest of the apartment. His attention snapped back to VexX. Newt: Sorry...uh, Ambz? VexX: Yeah, Ambergris, our other [VexX cleared his throat, looked over his shoulder and raised his voice as if addressing someone who wasn't present. The increased volume made Newt jump] ANTI-SOCIAL roomie - I'll drag his ass out of his room so he can say hi, don't ya worry. Newt chuckled softly - he already felt far more at ease than when he first arrived. He hadn't imagined it going this smoothly! One roommate met, one to go...

VexX: And here it is! Your own personal space. [VexX gestured around the room] It uh, might not look like much but- Newt: [In almost a whisper] It's perfect. VexX: I mean uh, I wouldn't go that far but whatever powers your uh, light-speed drive I guess. Newt nodded, taking in his new space. The furniture was sparse, a shabby bed and chest of drawers and a pokey desk. But to him, it may as well have been a luxury hotel suite. He could work with this - besides, it wasn't like he needed much space anyway. VexX: I'll leave ya too it so can settle in a bit, and I'll go drag Ambz out...we'll be in the livin' room when you're ready. Ambz might not even be awake, so take ya time. Newt: [Newt chuckled and smiled] Thanks, VexX. It's been great meeting you. VexX flashed Newt a grin, showing off rows of spiky teeth. Newt also thought he saw a hint of an otherworldly looking tongue, but it could have been his imagination. VexX: Yeah, you too - welcome to your new home, kid!

VexX left Newt alone in his new room, clutching the handles of the small bag of belongings he had brought with him. His suitcase was still by the door, but he could grab it later. VexX seemed friendly, even if he looked intimidating. Though he wasn't entirely sure how to feel about the nickname "kid" yet. Especially when VexX didn't seem *that* much older than he was - he hoped it wouldn't stick! But, those were all things to worry about later. For now he had a space of his very own. Yeah, things were going to work out just fine.

Uhhhh thanks for reading!&lt;3

Special thank you to @occultradio for encouraging me to Do The ThingTM and for being a massive inspiration tbh :).

Thank you to all CC & pose creators!

Onward!

[evilkitten3]

do you think another reason the chuunin exams were created (besides filtering out the "untalented" nin & introducing them to the life of a shinobi) was to create a trauma-bond between the teammates that survived/passed it? it's no secret that kid's lives or their innocence were never really valued in Konoha (or anywhere else for that matter), so I wouldn't be too surprised to find out this was done to strengthen the bond between teammates & better their teamwork/spirit

also, do you think the chuunin exams were especially traumatic during the sannin era, especially bc they were 6 (or a few years older but defo younger than naruto's gen) ??? and even if it wasn't the chuunin exams goal to create a traumabond, it certainly did for the sannin?

honestly, no. it's possible that i'm just the sort of person who tends to assume the best of people, especially fictional ones, but it's also true that i just tend to find fucked up shit more interesting when it was done with good intentions. i'm only into cartoonishly heinous motivations when they're applied to individuals rather than systems, i guess.

the thing you need to keep in mind concerning my view of the naruto universe is that literally every single character is deeply traumatized, whether they're aware of that or not. for starters, the vast majority of characters were raised to be child soldiers in a world where that's considered normal. our modern view of the 18-21 age group as the youngest adults doesn't apply there - legally, these people are becoming adults at ages as young as twelve (and that's the improved version - a lot of the older cast members have been shinobi since as young as five or six).

even the characters who never became ninja have all been through some pretty serious trauma. ayame and teuchi lived through the kyuubi attack, tazuna and his family had to deal with the whole gatou situation, and so on. no one in this world is remotely okay by our standards. but what that means is that being a neurotic mess is the norm. for the whole. entire. world.

a world based on structures so fucked up is going to be full of thoughts that to us seem entirely contradictory - how can konoha say it cares for its citizens when of the five most famous genin-by-six, the most functional is jiraiya (kakashi is a mess, tsunade is drinking and gambling away her problems, orochimaru is out there inventing to moral event horizons to cross, and itachi murdered his whole family and tortured his little brother about it)? but - and this is something that is understandably hard for people to wrap their heads around - we're shown things from people like the sandaime's point of view. we know - for a fact - that hiruzen cares deeply about his village and its citizens, and that most of the people he was personally involved in fucking up are the ones he - genuinely - cared for the most.

the second thing you need to be aware of is that the rankings in the naruto world are based on real life ninja ranks - jounin, chuunin, and genin are all real world terms that were modified to fit the world of naruto. whether irl ninja could move up in the ranks or not is something i don't know, but given that naruto is a shounen, it makes sense for the protagonist to have a clearcut explanation of the steps he needs to take to achieve his goal (ninja president) laid out early on, and that he and his friends be given the opportunity to move through the ranks throughout the course of the story (although, as many people have pointed out, naruto stayed a genin pretty much the whole time)

from an irl perspective, the chuunin exams are a way to introduce other characters, give the main trio a chance to level up, and also have a tournament arc for funsies. in-universe, the purpose is for genin to get a chance (or six chances kabuto) to become chuunin, and to strengthen ties with other villages via a show of trust - we're showing you our next generation. this is incentive to maybe not go to war again pretty please heart emoji poop emoji.

the thing is, life and innocence are valued in konoha, and likely the other villages as well, though we don't see it as much. but it's such a twisted, foreign concept to us real world non child soldiers that it doesn't seem like it (more accurately, it's valued by the people but not the system, and the people in charge of the system ignore that bc unfortunately for the entire naruto universe sakura didn't get around to inventing mental health until after the fourth war ended)

danzou and hiruzen exemplify this perfectly imo. hiruzen is full of ideals and beliefs and trust, and bc of that isn't able to see the system for what it is and can never fully understand why all of his good intentions keep churning out shitshows. on the other end of the spectrum, danzou is very aware of the world he lives in, possibly more than almost any other character. but bc of that he views the nature of humans as a flaw for shinobi to overcome - ninja are tools for the good of the village, and can and will be discarded just as easily. from a brutally practical viewpoint, danzou and hiruzen were probably genuinely extremely effective at keeping konoha together. it's just that how that worked out and how they did it is morally abhorrent to the majority of people (including hiruzen himself)

lastly, the concept of trauma as we view it not only doesn't but honestly can't exist in the world of naruto. say someone has a jutsu that allows them to create a brain scan similar to something we can do irl. the effects of mental illness on an adult brain wouldn't register as anything abnormal bc that's what everyone's looks like. you aren't having a "panic attack" or a "trauma response" or a "flashback", you're just going through the same shit everyone else is. that's all par for the course, it's just what life is like. that's how the world of naruto sees it, at least.

so where we see "children going through horrific events together and bonding bc they have no choice", the residents of narutolandia see "tuesday". so no, i don't think the chuunin exams were formed with the intent of gluing people to each other via trauma - they don't need to be. that's what life is for.

concerning the sannin, i'm not sure they ever took the chuunin exams. i honestly don't even know if the chuunin exams would've been a thing yet - the earliest one we know of is the one kakashi and his team were at, which was konoha-only and thus already fairly different from the one naruto went through. the sannin lived through all of the first three ninja wars, and though they probably didn't fight in the first one, they likely became genin just as it ended (otherwise i'm not sure how sarutobi would've had time to teach them...?). orochimaru's parents were already dead by the time he became a genin, so it's not hard to imagine they died in the first war. the sannin are actually relatively lucky - the second world war didn't happen until they were in their 20s, so they got a good two decades of not being at war (this is the longest space of time between the wars, followed by the time between the third and fourth wars (~15 years) and then the time between the second and third wars (less than 1 year)).

actually, thinking about it now, i think it's possible that spend early pre-ninja childhood with their village at war, then spending the rest of their youths in (relative) peace, and then finally getting tossed right back into shitshow two electric boogaloo might've been why they ended up more fucked up than most. so i guess the solution really was the moon coma after all

tldr: madara was right. not where i thought i was going with this but it does seem to be where we ended up

[hostilemuppet]

So, backstory. I (39M) married my husband (29M) a few years ago (I was 36, he was 26). We got together after a passionate night of lovemaking in a motel room after meeting in a gay bar. I realised the next day that the handsome stranger was actually the guy who had made multiple attempts on one of my brothers (28M, then 24) life (dont ask why hes not in prison, money can accomplish anything) and figured out pretty quickly that he was using me to make my brother miserable. Now since he was playing with my heart, I thought that at least I should have my own fun, yknow? So I started messing with him a little, encouraging PDA that he wasn't really that interested in (were both pretty high profile so public image was important to him, and also im not sure if he even liked boys?), "influencing" him to buy me things I didnt need. I'm not a monster, I was just fucking with him a little for funsies.

Anyway eventually I asked if he actually loved me etc etc so he bought us cruise tickets and the proposal was beautiful and the ceremony even more so. He moved in and I let him bring very few of his belongings (hes a hippie). Soon we had twins (0F, 0M) (he stayed home while I worked (my job is not important)) and life was great. Soon the cat got let out the bag and he found out that I knew that he was trying to use me for my brother (who was also in on the situation). He said something about divorce so I threatened to tell everyone every little detail, even that /thing/ he likes. What followed was 8 more months of constant psychological warfare and the best sex I've ever had, until the unthinkable happened.

We actually started to fall for each other. Now I'm not proud, what with the twins and all, but I instantly filed for divorce (i am also a child of divorce, okay, I've got commitment issues and it made it too real, weve all got flaws). He got full custody and I got to return to my bachelor lifestyle. And it. was. MISERABLE. I missed him so much. I missed pissing him off. I missed when he'd get mad and put dairy milk in my coffee to make me sick. I missed the way every time we woke up hed say "morning, my bitch husband who I hate" and id call him sweetie and kiss him on the cheek as he stewed in rage. I even missed the kids!

A couple years (and several rehab admissions, mostly mine) later we ran into each other at some charity event that I don't even remember what was for. I asked him how the twins were doing. He said they were good. He said I was looking well. I returned the compliment. We both had some wine. Next thing I knew, it was morning and we were married again. Now, I know what you're thinking, but he said he missed me too, and yeah he's the only partner I've ever had that's lasted longer than 2 months so maybe I don't have the best history but I really think we can make it work this time!

Tl;dr: AITA for turning my little brothers mortal enemy gay?

Edit: stop asking who I am, none of you know who I am, I am anonymous, that is the point duh

Edit 2: i am not Floyd [lastname]-[lastname2]

Edit 3: I mean it, I am not Floyd. I dont care if the ages and timelines match up

Edit 4: just bc my husband is a hippie doesn't mean he's the only hippie you guys know of

Edit 5: a lot of celebrities have fraternal twins

Edit 6: fuck you guys

[nebulousfishgills]

I recently extended Emily's transformation scene in Diplopia since when I originally wrote it I hadn't read Breaking Dawn or Life and Death to understand how transformation works in this universe (which I have since done) and figured I'd just post it here as well for funsies since I'm actually quite proud of it.

(Tagging @practically-an-x-man since I think you'll be interested)

Emily felt a sharp pain in her neck as she felt Caius' teeth sink into her skin. She seethed, feeling her blood trickle down the length of her neck. Caius let go, pulling back to show his lips stained with her blood. Emily only had a second to process it before she felt a clear burning sensation in her neck. At the moment, it wasn't as bad as she remembered getting struck by lightning had been, but it still hurt.

It got worse the more it spread, slowly and agonizingly, but Emily didn't dare scream in pain if she could help it. She sucked in rapid breaths through her teeth while letting out the occasional gutteral groan from the back of her throat. Once her body started rapidly twitching, the edges of her vision started to black out. Emily's lip quivered as Caius held her close, almost protective.

"It hurts..." She groaned, the only thing she would allow herself to say. The burning pain only grew worse, Emily shrieked through gritted teeth. Caius soothingly shushed her, dragging his fingers through her hair.

"I know, agapé. It's okay. Just let it happen." Caius said to her. He laid Emily back on the bed as she started seizing up. By now the pain was blinding, but Emily still refused to scream. She refused to show weakness, not even here.

The burn only continued to spread, reaching her arms and chest before long. Fire was a source of comfort for her, but now it felt like she was being roasted alive, tossed into a bonfire carelessly. The imaginary flames licked at her, melting her from the inside out. Was her hair even still attached? If her whole body was on fire, surely her hair was being singed off in the process.

Not my hair. I can't lose it again. Henry loves my hair.

Finally a loud, gutteral scream tore itself from her throat once the burn had reached her toes, her heart beating hard and fast as if to fight against the war within her body. Beating, bravely beating to resist the burn. Her last line of defense. But it ached, if not from the fight but from the hurt she'd felt before. Yearning for Caius to make the pain stop, for Henry to hold her, assure her that it would be okay. Keep fighting. It hurts, but you can't give up. You're strong, you'll endure this. You'll be okay.

It sounded like something he could have said many times in their past. The lab, the fall into the void... or maybe the voice she was imagining came from Caius right next to her, encouraging her to hold on. Suddenly she couldn't tell which was which. Reality seemed to blend with imagination, time seemed to slow and speed up all at once. Her eyes were open, then closed, then opened again, but it was dark either way. She thought she saw red, but it could also have been her mind imagining the flames that danced around her body. Consumed her.

How long had passed? Minutes? Seconds? Maybe even hours? She couldn't tell. Emily felt her body moving here and there, although she couldn't tell if someone was moving her or if she was spasming alone.

Maybe death wouldn't be so bad. Wasn't death supposed to be cold and dark? She craved the cold, whatever to soothe the burn.

I thought becoming a vampire was supposed to be an escape from my pain and fear, my way to finally feel peace. If this is peace, I don't want it. Just let me go home, please, I just wanna wake up and be home. Am I awake or asleep? Maybe I'm dying. It feels like I'm dying. Death sounds nice right about now. It's cold, probably peaceful. That's what Henry wanted for me, right? Peace? A nice, comfortable absence sounds wonderful.

Emily had no way of telling how much time had passed or was passing. Minutes felt like years, days felt like seconds. She heard voices through the burn, the fog, although they could have belonged to people or just risen up from her imagination.

Isn't she beautiful? She'll only get better. I didn't think it was possible for her to look even more beautiful. She's everything we'd hoped she'd be... I just wish you were here to see it.

You're so beautiful... We're going to change the world, just the two of us...

She's almost done, I think.

A perfect specimen. No doubt her strength will have grown... Alas, we have to leave her for now. I need you for something.

A specimen? She thought. No, I'm not a specimen. I'm a person. I stopped being a specimen ages ago.

Could you have used a more revolting descriptor? And no, you can surely handle it yourself. I don't want to leave her.

I need you for it, but if she wakes, you can come back.

Fine. I'll be right back, my love. You're being so brave... so strong... I love you.

Maybe it was seconds later, maybe an hour, but the burn, that horrible burn started to fade. She could feel her toes, her fingers. It was like she'd dipped them into an ice bath. Sweet relief that spread to her hands and feet. Slowly... although her heart, her poor brave heart only got hotter, beat faster. The very fires of hell descended upon her chest, only getting worse the more time passed.

Emily could feel her face cooling off, slight stretches of her skin as it almost reformed around her features. A tingle ran up and down her right half, dancing across where her scars should be. Things were shifting, or perhaps finishing their changes. Her heart beat faster and faster, growing hotter and hotter.

Feeling returned to her arms and legs. Her limbs and digits twitched experimentally, the movement felt refreshing. And smooth. Her torso cooled off, only left with her heart, beating faster than should be possible, hotter than all the other heat had been. Emily couldn't even scream, she just gasped for air that wouldn't come. She lurched, groaning before falling back.

Finally, finally, the burn faded. She would have thought death finally had claimed her had her awareness told her otherwise. Then, after a hard fought battle, her heart gave three final strong beats, Thor's last steps after defeating Jörmungandr. It's earned a nice rest.

Her heart and body finally stilled, allowing herself to sit in a perfect, burn free bliss.