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tuiyla · 3 years ago

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Out of curiosity, then, how would you rank pezberry duets by queerness?

I'm so glad you asked! And so glad about your post about WSS the other day because it already gave me motivation to finally write down what I've been thinking about since November but this ask was that extra push. Answering took a couple of days because I really have been thinking about this for so long haha. Pezberry peeps? This one’s for you 😘

So as a bit of a preamble, I did originally want to take a more serious queer musicology look but writing ~proper~ things takes even more time than anticipated so this actual end result should only be taken with 48 to 56% seriousness. We’re just having fun pointing out how gay literally everything Pezberry do is. But that said, we’re still brining some queer theory into it for the funsies, which for the purposes of this post just means that we’re reading into the context and presentation of these duets to make a case for The Gays. Since Santana is canonically a lesbian, it won’t even be that much of a stretch. (Okay, but more seriously queer theory encompasses a lot, including the rejecting of binary gender and sexuality norms, fluid identities and all that good stuff. Media is a lot of fun when looked at in this way.)

Another disclaimer we get into it is a few words on diegesis because I need us to be on the same page. So Things, in this case music that exists within the actual story and is heard by characters is diegetic, whereas soundtrack that exists outside of the story’s internal narrative is non-diegetic. In or out of universe to put it simply. In Glee we have examples of both, the majority of the music, by nature of the show, being diegetic. The New Directions singing Don’t Stop Believin’ at Regionals is diegetic: they really are singing, everyone can hear them, and it’s even a plot point in this particular case. Now, this could actually be disputed because this isn’t strictly what non-diegetic means, but for simplicity’s sake in this already overcomplicated silly Pezberry duet ranking we’re gonna call fantasy sequences and songs not actually performed non-diegetic ones. So for example, Mercedes singing Bust Your Windows and vibing with the Cheerios in her imagination would be considered non-diegetic, because though it is happening on-screen and in her head, it’s not an actual performance within the show’s universe. The line between diegetic and non-diegetic gets murkier as Glee goes on but today we only care about eight songs anyway. I’ll get into why this matters to us with relevant songs.

Speaking of! Let’s finally get into it. Ranking Pezberry duets by how capital g Gay as in queer they are. To be clear, I think all can be read as at least a lil’ fruity so keep that in mind as we start at the bottom of our list. Listen, they’re all queer one way or another.

8. I Kissed a Girl

But OP! Really, the one literally about kissing a girl being so low? Well, yes. And no, it’s not my undying, pure hatred for the eponymous episode or that “it should have been a Brittana song” (Yikes) or anything. It’s that I Kissed a Girl is low-hanging fruit; so low, in fact, that it tips the scale into being “not all that gay”. The most obvious reason for this lies with the, to put it diplomatically, messy nature of the episode itself and the scene it’s in, as the whole thing is an incredibly half-assed #girlpower moment covered in the stink of the male gaze. How Glee fails miserably in this scene that was supposed to empower Santana and the girls’ support of her is a conversation for another day, but the context of the episode is not the only reason IKAG (the duet) ranks so low.

Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl has a... complicated history and it occupies a rather unique position within the queer community and queer readings. It’s been claimed, rejected and reclaimed time and time again and I actually encourage people to find whatever power they can in queer readings of media (queer theory hellooo) but it’s still a messy song presented in a messy context. Melina Pendulum has an interesting video on the topic that explores many aspects of the song, including the Pezberry Glee cover so I recommend checking that out.

After having rewatched bits of it I’m more inclined to cut IKAG the Pezberry cover some slack. After all, purely in-universe it is curious Rachel of all people would be the one to sing with Santana. Out of universe, we understand that they couldn’t be bothered to give her any role in The Outing, as an outspoken queer ally who probably should have decked her boyfriend had she been part of the story, so this will do. It fulfills the mandatory Lea Michele song requirement anyway so two birds one stone, zero narrative consequence or resonance - welcome to Glee season 3!

But round two of trying to put my anti-IKAG the episode bias aside, there is still a queer reading of the duet. And male gaze notwithstanding, it is Pezberry singing about at least some form of Sapphic interest and like I said I think there is space for claiming I Kissed a Girl as an actual queer song instead of the bait it is. That’s all the slack I can cut it today, though, so even do Santana and Rachel sound great and I love their cover out of context, it’s gonna have to contend with eighth place.

7. Be Okay

On a lot of days this is my favourite Pezberry duet, top 3 at least so it’s hard to put it so low. But the thing is, as fun and wonderful as it is as a performance I do think it lacks the kind of spark that makes Pezberry duets and indeed their whole dynamic so interesting to me. Looked at within the context of the story, that’s not a problem at all because Be Okay marks the end of their feud and the foundation of a new dynamic, one less explosive and perhaps more stable. It just so happens that the explosive nature of Pezberry is what makes them sexually charged in my eyes.

Still, Be Okay is not devoid of potential queerness. It is Pezberry making up after their feud, which read a lot like an actual bad breakup between bitches who never even dated. Be Okay makes their relationship less intense but it’s not only in their intensity where their fruitiness lies. The good vibes of the song and the contentedness with where they are and, given their complicated history, even the conveyed willingness to look to the future does give the idea that it’s Pezberry 2.0 (perhaps 3.0) that we’re seeing. It’s a celebration of what they have, so while not very radical or rich for convention-breaking interpretations, it is a song about them being willing to put the effort into their relationship, whatever the nature of that might be. It’s also them choosing the song and then performing it in front of all their friends, making it a public declaration of positive feelings. The lyrics aren’t too deep in terms of potential queerness or anything but they are fairly straightforward in what they’re saying: Pezberry are gonna be okay.

Overall I think the most convincing argument for Be Okay is that it does feel like making up after a bad breakup, but imo the “breakup” itself makes for a more compelling queer reading and this performance feels pretty mild by Pezberry standards. Then again, if we read it as them maturing past their differences and as a potential for a future relationship, it is pretty queer. And queer readings aren’t just about whether the characters are gay and in a relationship, because Pezberry canonically aren’t, plus Santana is a lesbian so we don’t need to make a case for her in that sense. But looking at performances through these lens is about seeing that transgressional and queer, and one (moi) could argue that there is something convention-breaking about Pezberry being even “just” friends in the first place. Anyway, moving on.

6. A Hard Day’s Night

Adorable hug aside, here’s where diegesis starts becoming relevant and the reason it’s in the bottom half. You see, this number is so low because it feels very jukebox-y. Not just in that, diegetically, the music literally is coming from a jukebox in the scene but the performance is contrived in that way. Pezberry are singing a Beatles song because the New Directions are having a Beatles week. They’re also singing waitresses now and Rachel wants to show off in front of the Funny Girl producers. Diegesis here also means that, because of these justifications in the story and them singing in-universe, it’s easier to dismiss the potential romantic/sexual and therefore queer undertones of the song.

What I mean by that is why I spent half the introduction explaining diegesis. If Santana and Rachel actually picked the song or, heaven forbid, just imagined singing it instead, we could read more into the lyrics as it would come across as more of a conscious - or subconscious! - choice. The way it is, with the jukebox nature of tribute episodes especially we just chalk all it up to the way Glee is. They’re singing this song because they’re singing this song, simple as that. And sure, the same could be said about all songs and even the one I’ll end up putting in first place, but like I said it’s that extra jukebox feel that gives me less queer vibes from A Hard Day’s Night.

Still, let’s not dismiss it entirely. Yes, Rachel is singing for unrelated reasons and Santana is singing because she’s also working there and a main character, but there’s still a queer reading to appreciate. A Hard Day’s Night as a song can be read quite suggestively and since Pezberry are actual roommates at this point in the story, lyrics like

When I'm home, everything seems to be right When I'm home feeling you holding me tight Tight, yeah!

and

But when I get home to you I find the things that you do Will make me feel alright

sure can be interpreted a certain way. The performance is capped off with the hug as seen above as well and generally marks the beginning of Pezberry’s season 5A closeness so the Vibes are there. Fun and kinda fruity and the whole “oh my god they were roommates” aspect of it can be elaborated on, but the jukebox nature does get points off from me. It feels less like Pezberry actively choosing to sing this song in particular and more like they’re just having fun, which is still valid and ground for gay vibes but it only takes A Hard’s Day Night so far.

5. We Found Love

These mid-range ones are quite interchangeable and coming to realize the ranking itself doesn’t matter as much as the reasonings, methinks, but anyway. We Found Love is curious in that I think this is the most random one to be a Pezberry duet. My counterargument for A Hard Day’s Night was that it’s a jukebox number performed by the two because they were the ones there, but the opposite is true for this one. The whole Glee Club was available and in the swimming pool to provide the soundtrack for Wemma’s engagement so, even though this wasn’t their first duet, it feel random to have Rachel and Santana sing it.

Normally when we think of ND group numbers that are actually just duets, it tends to be Finchel ones. Think the Pilot Don’t Stop Believin’ or Keep Holding On, among others. Rachel and Santana were part of the “help Will find a proposal song” project, yes, but only part of it. I suppose ignoring Tina and Mercedes is nothing new but there were other characters like Artie actively involved too and it’s not like Kevin McHale wouldn’t have also sounded great on the track. I mean, we can make it make sense from Doylist lens of course: Lea was just getting her usual singing feature fill and Naya was at this point on her way to becoming the second most prominent female voice of the season, and both characters were part of the storyline as previously mentioned so really just why not. I feel like that was the reasoning behind a lot of GCVs.

But pondering about the reasons aside, we do reach the diegesis point again where, if Rachel and Santana weren’t just singing this so their teacher could propose we could make more of a queer reading point. If they chose to sing a song with a repetitive lyrics that mostly just goes “we found love in a hopeless place” as a ~proper~ duet in, say season 5, or heck in place of Be Okay, we’d be having a different conversation. The way it is, We Found Love falls into the bottom half for that easy to dismiss quality. It primarily reads as a Wemma song rather than a Pezberry one. Rachel and Santana barely even appear in the same shot for the performance.

But you know, it’s still fifth because there’s a case to be made that Pezberry chose it themselves, or at least were chosen in-universe by Will/ND to sing it. The lyrics, taken out of the Wemma context do fit a romantic Pezberry AU and imo We Found Love overall has a stronger argument for being significant to them as characters than A Hard Day’s Night. But honestly I might change my mind about that by the time we get to end of this, like I said the ranking itself isn’t set in stone.

4. A Boy Like That/I Have a Love

When I clicked the answer button I didn’t realize this was going to be so high, as I believe I actually said it was mid-tier in reply to your post. Coming to think of it now, yeah it’s more like solid top half. What immediately strikes me about A Boy Like That is all the layers: the acting layer of Santana and Rachel playing Anita and Maria, the context of the many versions of West Side Story and how we could borrow from any number of these to make a case for a queer reading. So in my four months of thinking about this I wanted to but didn’t end up researching whether queer takes on the original text (and in this case, be that the musical or either of the movies) of West Side Story exist. I’m just going to assume there’s at least one queer theorist out there who looked at Maria and Anita’s dynamic through these lens.

Within Glee, we don’t see them to the entirety of West Side Story but crucially we do get this duet. And it’s a narratively important one, too, though not for Pezberry reasons. In the episode the performance is divided into two and first intercut in a signature Glee subtlety way with Sebastian’s introduction. A boy like that, be careful with a boy like that, get it? Good job Glee, good job. The Riverdale guy wrote this episode in case you were wondering. And then the second half is again intercut but with Tina counterarguing against the rest of the girls who are trying to convince Rachel not to sleep with Finn. I have more thoughts on the scene itself and Santana’s role but for the purposes of this already long ask, we’ll just consider Rachel’s dilemma a parallel to Maria’s undying love for Tony.

So we could easily use the “they’re acting” argument to dismiss this, just as we can dismiss A Hard Day’s Night as a jukebox performance and We Found Love as a Wemma set piece. But there are reasons why I’m ranking it relatively high, and I’ll be honest, one of them is just how Naya plays Santana playing Anita. There’s a genuine feeling of Santana/Anita not wanting Rachel/Maria to get with her guy, and because of that combination with the Glee girls scene there is a case to be made here, like in your post rachelberyy, that Santana doesn’t want Rachel to be with Finn. Yes, okay, again the characters are acting in a musical but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a reflection of how they actually feel - hello intercutting A Boy Like That with Sebastian’s intro what’s up. And this is very much a reading into things post and I’ve barely gone off the rails yet so I think it’s time. Santana was begging Rachel not to be with Finn 2k22.

No but really, it’s that West Side Story layer that simultaneously makes a case for a queer reading here but also makes it harder to argue for it, since they are just rehearsing for the school musical. I think this could have been more meaningful had Glee made Santana’s role as Anita a bigger part of the WSS episodes but other casting choices had drama and there was no question about Anita so I guess it makes sense they wouldn’t focus on it much. Without that deeper compare and contrast of the Glee characters with the WSS ones the queer case for A Boy Like That becomes weaker but by no means impossible. And again the layers of it make it more intriguing for me than previous ones where there’s less to play around with.

3. So Emotional

Went back and forth on the ranking of this but, despite being diegetic which we’ll get to, there’s tension here. The beginning of that juicy Pezberry spark that makes them so interesting to people in the first place. So Emotional is one with arguments and counterarguments. First, looking at diegesis and points that could be deducted, it is a song performed by the two of them for Glee Club. It’s also a tribute episode song like A Hard Day’s Night but I actually think this one stands on more solid grounds because Pezberry are still students themselves doing an assignment, instead of oh so randomly choosing the Beatles the same week ND are covering them.

Because of the context of an assignment and of Rachel and Santana clearly singing to their respective partners during the song, the relationship vibes are weakened but not entirely. In-universe, they still presumably decided on the song together and could have easily gone with any other Whitney Houston song, so choosing one that’s so charged is certainly, well, a Choice. Looking outside of the performance itself for this one as well, So Emotional also canonically marks the true beginning of a Pezberry friendship and is referred to as such. Although it’s chronologically their fourth duet, in many ways it’s threated as their first because it’s the first time Rachel and Santana sing together because they want to sing together. Not because of a musical, or a group number, or whatever IKAG really was in-universe, but because there’s a tribute week and they chose to do a song together.

In light of that, though we can acknowledge they direct the sexual/romantic feelings of the song towards their partners and perform as part of the club we can still use that information. Once again, it’s a Choice to go with So Emotional and there are lyrics in there that we could easily apply to their later dynamic; very charged, very emotional one could say. Far be it from me to say it was thinking ahead on the creators’ part and that wouldn’t matter, anyway, because authorial intent, as I’ll get to very soon, doesn’t matter to us when assessing just how gay Pezberry are during their duets. And So Emotional is just one of those where yes, we can recognize they’re not canoncially singing about each other but it still has the Vibes and still exists within the context of them growing closer.

If I want to be honest I should put it lower if we really were looking through a more academic queer lens because I think some performances I ranked lower would have better arguments. So Emotional doesn’t do much to challenge notions of heterosexuality, not outright and most of what it does is further establish, through the way the performance is filmed, that Brittana are the queer couple together here. But again why not go off the rails and suppose there were underlying feelings for each other here with Pezberry. There’s not much to support that in canon but it does establish a new dynamic between the two, much like Be Okay, and does so while being fruitier in my eyes. It’s that spark again which I’ll just take at face value for this and justify So Emotional in third place with it. Phew this is getting a bit messy let’s move on to the top two before I lose every reader who’s made it thus far lol.

2. Brave

Alright almost there, second place. So Brave is actually one of those Glee moments, like much of seasons 5 and 6 tbh, that I haven’t fully processed yet. Maybe I was too scarred by the feud that followed immediately after, but whatever it was I’d need to rewatch this whole storyline to be able to do this song justice. One day I will, and until then I’ll cut this section relatively short - that’s probably for the best lol.

So once again this is why I went on about diegesis. Because we don’t have the Wemma or assignment excuse here, this is a full on fantasy. Based on the camera work, though it is a duet we can infer it’s only happening in Santana’s mind. And that gives us so, so much more room to play with interpretations because fantasy songs like these are meant to very clearly reflect a character’s state of mind or complicated feelings they can’t express through regular dialogue. Should be, anyway. This is Glee season 5 so I’m a bit doubtful super extra care went into picking out each and every song but that’s not out problem, all we have is the end result. And the end result is what I can only describe as super gay.

First of all, Sara Bareilles herself has said this song was a love letter to a friend struggling with their coming out journey, so we already have the original song with a confirmed queer reading. In the Glee context, what I think they were going for is Santana’s complex feelings on her own disappointing career and watching Rachel thrive in the meantime, whom she’s grown to care for but has complex feelings about. But if they wanted to set up her audition and version of DROMP then I’m sorry, this scene just does not set the mood for it.

What it does set is the context that something queer this way comes. So you’re telling me Santana imagines singing this “it’s okay to come out, I wanna see you be brave” song with Rachel? Santana, the canon lesbian who’s had her own harsh struggles with her sexuality and coming out? And, in her mind, Rachel sings it with her? I’m sorry, what am I supposed to make of this again? It’s Santana trying to be brave about her career I guess but who even remembers what Funny Girl is when they have this whole sequence with a coming out (sorta) song.

Like I said, I don’t think I ever fully processed it but I hope I’m getting across how sus this is. Even if we consider that it’s actually only Santana, the already canon lesbian singing it, it’s still curious that she’d think of this of all songs as their fantasy duet. And even if she’s the only one with queer feelings here, that’s still a queer reading. And unlike with So Emotional, there’s no Brittany here for the feelings to be directed at. Yes, Santana is dating Dani here but let’s be honest Dani was barely more than a Demi Lovato cardboard cutout and Santana had a much more intense dynamic with Rachel. So yes, Brave is fertile ground for a queer reading and general gay vibes, and a good example of why non-diegetic songs can be read into much, much more.

1. Every Breath You Take

After all that talk about diegesis it just had to be, right? Every Breath You Take had to be number one, don’t wanna upset @amazonworrier. No but for real, this is the not so well hidden reason I’ve been wanting to write about their duets for a while. If there ever was a crown jewel of lowkey, or in Pezberry’s case highkey queercoded duets then Every Breath You Take has to be it.

Where to even start. What is this performance even? I can only assume it’s a shared fever dream induced by totally-not-a-breakup angst because surely they’re not actually singing their hearts out while rehearsing Funny Girl. And I can only assume, guess really, that the Glee peeps’ intention was to convey how pissed Rachel and Santana were and how they were keeping an eye on each other in the battle for Fanny. I guess. But did they really have to do the stalker song to establish that they’re feuding?

How it actually comes across to me is that here we have two people who really need to get a room but sadly they just stopped being roommates so now they’re living out elaborate and charged fantasies on a Broadway stage. Well not living out, I guess? Still. Sure, the fact they’re pissed and paranoid comes across but so does a level of sheer Gay that I can’t believe the producers didn’t notice. And I really don’t think it was intentional, I think they were purely going for a catfight here but because of everything prior and just the whole way this is filmed, it sure comes across as bitter exes still wanting to bang. Look at me finally getting to that point after 4,000 words of trying to find counterarguments to how gay Pezberry are in their duets.

Sure, you can have them sing

Every move you make And every vow you break Every smile you fake Every claim you stake I'll be watching you

and I’ll buy that they’re pissed at each other. But then you also have

Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace I dream at night, I can only see your face I look around, but it's you I can't replace I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace I keep crying baby, baby, please

and now I’m wondering if this really is a bad breakup for bitches who never even dated - or did they? Watching this performance you’d think so.

And once again I want to emphasize that there’s no loophole for this one. Out of universe, sure I guess they wanted the stalker song and already had the rights since they were gonna use it in season 3 anyway. But this is supposed to be a reflection of how they feel, how they both feel, with no counterarguments against the lyrics like “oh it’s XY week” or “oh it’s someone else’s proposal”. No no, they fully had a shared fever dream where they sang all that and glared at each other and were in general peak Pezberry Extra™.

Every Breath You Take “wins”, in this sense, because I’d struggle to find a reading that isn’t at least a little bit queer. One that doesn’t imply greater feelings, greater hurt, greater longing. Oh, I’m sorry, was this supposed to be about how the hate each other now? Because their previous duets were already pretty gay but this one is just off the charts.

So. In conclusion.

Once again the ranking itself could change pretty easily. I’m not set on it as much as I wanted to highlight some queer readings of Pezberry songs and rant about Every Breath You Take as the ultimate winner of this imaginary competition. If you or anyone else made it this far, I hope you enjoyed this brain rot lol and got your Pezberry fill. Actually, doing this made me realize I could go more in-depth with each song’s lyrics and twisting it until we get fruity Pezberry so hmu lmao

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juleswolverton-hyde · 4 years ago

Text

Not by the Moon | 07

Genre: Smut, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Drama, Tragedy, Werewolf AU, Supernatural AU, Bookshop AU

Pairing: Bookshop keeper!/Werewolf!JB x Reader

Warnings: A philosophical slant, (heavy) angst, Werewolf!Jaebeom being absolute hubby material, Werewolf!Jaebeom being awkward and (a bit of a) pervert, domestic fluff, talk of medication, apparently werewolves don’t like to wear clothes (what is my canon...), talk of life and death, mention of blood, mild swearing

Summary: Every story has a purpose or goal it is dedicated to, their authors at times going to great lengths to see the project they once started to completion. Nevertheless, the things the writers swore on to see their latest art piece to completion are static.

Unchanging.

None of them swore by the Moon nor Love because they can solely genuinely swear on all that changes like themselves.

And yet, a wolf in love foolishly swore by the moon.

That is when Time truly started ticking.

Author’s Note: This chapter is from Jaebeom’s POV.

Well, here it is, earlier and much longer than originally planned. It’s also a lot more tragic and philosophical than I intended it to be, but then again, what else can you expect from a tragedian fascinated by the human condition even as it is translated into the realm of the magical?

I think I just thought of the modern literary movement I might belong to: magic realism.

It’s a crying shame the Decadent Movement isn’t active anymore, though, because that one truly feels like a good fit for me both as an author and an individual. Ah well, c’est la vie.

Previous Chapter / Next chapter

Masterlist

There is nothing better for a wolf than being with its mate.

Well, there is one thing.

Having them completely at your mercy as you’re inside them.

I still don’t understand what the plastic wrapping is good for, but Jinyoung was very insistent on using it while we drove to the airport. And Y/N seemed glad I had whatever it is, her scent even betraying a hint of relief. However, one day, I hope she’ll tell me not to use it.

No, that’s not right. There’s a word for the… whatever it is.

A condom.

That’s the word.

I hope she’ll tell me not to use a condom. It doesn’t matter whether I’m in season or not, although the chances she’ll pup are higher if I am. I want pups with her, a little pack of our own. I want it to be our toddler running around the park, chasing its sibling. Then again, will I remain human long enough to see them grow up?

Will I even remember their birth on the day they’re born?

Will I still be here?

Or remain without a family, a proud bloodline?

I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times to get used to the sunlight bathing the room in a warm golden hue, swallow hard and force myself to calm down. There is no use in contemplating this now, not this early in the day nor in our time together. What counts is that I’m here now with Y/N in my arms and we’re in her apartment somewhere.

A faint whiff of brine seeps in through the air cleaner filter above the window overlooking the city. A gull flies by and lands on the roof of the building opposite ours.

Sea. Rusted metal. Right, the old harbour.

A high-pitched noise, a disquiet hum followed by a sigh, makes my ears perk up. I look down at the lady sleeping on my chest, curled up and fingers balled into small fists similar to a bunny’s paws. More importantly, however, she’s perfectly alright and was only unconsciously trying to get more comfortable.

A breathless chuckle rises in my throat at the display. Y/N’s adorable even when she’s fast asleep, her lips parted yet not enough to allow drooling.

I, on the other hand, am another story. I don’t do it often, but I must have been so tired last night I triggered the habit. The finger I swipe over the corners of my mouth comes away wet both times.

Oh no, I didn’t drool on her, did I? Would she mind, though, if I explained it’s a sign I’m comfortable with her?

It isn’t hard to guess the answer to the question. She would beat me over the head, likely with a shoe, and say I’m not allowed to bite her at all anymore. Not even in the future.

In a hurry to discover whether I made the fatal mistake, I check her messy hair but keeping my movements controlled to not wake her up. Fortunately, there are no locks sticking together nor a trail running down over the side of her face.

With a deep sigh, I slump further down into the bed again and kiss her crown. However, I don’t go back to sleep despite the comfort of the sheets. Instead, I lift the lady’s head and gently put her down on the pillow as I get up, carefully calculating every movement like I do when hunting to make sure she won’t wake up or notice my absence in her unconscious state.

The faint smell of burned iron comes from somewhere when I rearrange the sheets to bundle Y/N up. My mouth dries up, throat blocked by something I can’t swallow as a familiar stench disturbs the morning happiness. Former intentions abandoned, I claw through the sheets to try and discover where the rank odour comes from.

Did I hurt her? Is she bleeding? Why is she bleeding? Where is it? Where’s the blood?

As suspected, the frantic search wakes the pretty lady. Propped up on an elbow, eyes half-closed and brows furrowed, she turns to me. “Jae, what-’’ she yawns, “What’re you doing?”

Barely has she asked the question or I find what I’ve been looking for.

On her side of the bed, between her thighs, is a puddle of dried blood.

Where did it come from? Did I… Did I do this?

I grab her by the shoulders and pull her close to check her condition, turning her this way and that as each thought grows more troubled. “Are you okay?” There’s nothing to see on the bare skin of her upper body. “Are you hurt?”

Maybe the wound is somewhere lower, on her hip or leg. I didn’t bite her last night. Right? I didn’t hurt her. At least, I don’t think I did. No. Surely the wolf- I wouldn’t harm her. I had enough control to prevent that from happening. Yes, that’s the case.

But then, with a fading mind, how much can I trust myself?

“Jaebeom, I’m fine. What are you- ah.” Y/N notices the spot of dark crimson when I pull the sheets completely off the bed and toss them aside. She lets out an incomprehensibly careless chuckle, evidently oblivious to the gravity of the situation.

“What are you giggling about? Y/N, you’re bleeding!” I bark, lost.

A small paw cups my cheek, her thumb caressing the skin in an attempt to calm me down. “You took my virginity. It’s natural to bleed a little when that happens.”

“Are you still in pain?” Even though it’s natural, surely it’s not without repercussions. Otherwise, the stain wouldn’t be there.

“No, I’m not, silly. I’m okay.” She kisses the tip of my nose when I let out a whine, unhappy with the response. Withal, a curious tone in her voice overtakes my own displeasure. “Are you?”

Why do you say it like that?

She sounds weird, hinting at something I’m supposed to find as obvious as she. Yet, I have no clue about what it can be. So, I tilt my head and stare blankly at her, waiting for an explanation. “I’m fine.”

My choice of words makes her visibly flinch despite the effort to hide it. The sleepiness which glazed her eyes evaporated, leaving them devoid of the amusement at my failure as a human. The recognizable sour note of anxiety creeps back into her scent, setting off alarm bells in my mind. “I’m alright. No pain. Happy to be here. Happy to wake up next to you.”

I rub her arms in a poor attempt to make her calm down, have her scent return to its spring-like fruitiness. She is supposed to smell like fresh fruit still hanging from the trees, yet to ripen. Not like fallen fruit beginning to decay in the summer sun.

“Okay,” is all she says in response before she pulls away, the absence of the warmth of her palm sending a cold shiver throughout my body.

The world always seems a little colder without her.

“Want breakfast?” A low grumble pierces the silence following the question, giving me enough of a response. And a reason to get my head, no, that’s not the idiom. To get my thoughts ordered. Organized. To get my thoughts in order? To think about… stuff. Last night. This. Everything. “Never mind. I’m making you breakfast. You have to eat.”

I stand up and head for the bathroom to first get rid of the weird plastic wrapping she put on me last night. Having thrown it in the bin there after a bit of an awkward struggle removing it, I move to the kitchen. Nevertheless, I don’t start preparing food right away. Instead, I pick up the grey hoodie I gave her from the bag between the sofa and chair facing the kitchen. I remember how she held it up to her nose, breathed in and basked in the scent.

My scent.

A fragment of last night’s memory.

I remember we had sex and that she told me I’m her first, but afterwards things are blurry.

Smell. I said something about how nicely she smells. Not really an original compliment since I’ve said it a lot already, but I can’t help but focus on it.

And then…

Then…

Then instinct took over because I let it, thinking I’d remain in control even though I let go a little. After all, I’ve learned enough to know how to deal with the wolf inside thanks to the rehabilitation procedure Jinyoung put me through and supervised. Since then, there’s been a healthy balance between human and beast in my mind.

Or, rather, there was one.

I think.

Another boundary to watch out for. I have to keep myself in check. No more experimenting.

Because to do so is to forget.

And I want to remember.

I stop absent-mindedly thumbing the piece of clothing, drape it over the armrest of the sofa and head into the kitchen to make breakfast. Unfortunately, the fridge quickly brings my plan to a halt, empty except for a pack of soy milk and a tray of eggs. The groceries Jinyoung and I got were only enough for dinner last night and there are no leftovers.

To be fair, she did just come back from a trip abroad. But still, is there really nothing to work with?

I sigh in defeat and grab the plant-based milk to pour it over the apple and cinnamon granola I find in the cupboard above the sink. At least it’s food and drink in one meal.

From the drawer next to the oven, I grab two spoons which I put into the bowls, grab the hoodie from the couch and return to the bedroom.

Y/N sits with her back turned to me, but flips around a little too fast for my liking once she hears my paws approaching. “Jaebeom?”

The terrible mixture of barely suppressed horror and genuine concern in her gaze has translated into her voice, which is cold and calculating. The sour note of anxiety hasn’t faded from her scent, creating a stone to sink to the bottom of my stomach because there’s only one thing that can be a distressing factor this early in the day.

Me.

Withal, the reason why she’s scared puzzles me since I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. I’ve simply been me since I woke up.

Human.

Although, that’s me now.

Last night, I don’t know who or what I was though it isn’t hard to guess.

The pretty lady traces the deep indentation in the headboard of the bed with her fingers bent to resemble a claw. “Did you do this?”

Did- Did I? No. I- I don’t know. I was less strict with myself last night and don’t remember much, but surely I wasn’t gone enough to do this.

I hope.

I think.

I’m not sure.

But the reality provides the necessary evidence to repute any kind of denial I can offer.

I set the bowls down on the nightstand and crawl back on the bed to sit next to her. Gently, I nudge her hand aside to mimic her action, my own fingers perfectly fitting into the large gash. “I don’t know.”

A surge of violence shoots throughout my body, triggering the nagging feeling of a forgotten memory strong enough to knock the air out the lungs and split my skull with flashes of a memory. Nevertheless, the fragments pass by too fast to make sense of them and the mere attempt to do so worsens the headache. I flinch and scramble backwards with a paw- a hand pressed to my head as if I can thus suppress the pain. Yet, I remain unable to look at anything but the damage.

“I don’t know,” I repeat, my voice hardly louder than a scared whisper.

“I felt your skin move beneath my fingers last night,” Y/N starts, catching my attention with the timid response suggestive of requiring more explanation.

Exactly what I don’t have since I can’t even explain it myself.

This shouldn’t be happening.

“I think I did, at least,” she adds doubtfully on a shivery breath. The sourness sweetens to doubt instead of anxiety. Nonetheless, it’s still worrying she’s ill… uncomfortable.

“Did I-“ I swallow hard, forcing out the words describing my worst nightmare. “Did I transform?”

“Transform?’’ She briefly turns her gaze from me to the indentation, lips parted in an attempt to articulate a thought that’s dismissed with a headshake the second thereafter. Her attention returns to me, her expression slackened. ‘’What are you- What… No, you didn’t, but you looked far away. Retreated further into your own world, more so than you normally are.”

“That’s good,” I mumble, nodding as I, too, briefly return my attention to the claw mark. “Was human. Good.”

Still, need to talk to the weird-smelling intruder. Doctor. Friend. Name, his name. Jinyoung. Jesus, man, get yourself together. Your name is Im Jaebeom. You’re a twenty-eight old werewolf that- no, who runs a bookshop called Paper Souls. Jinyoung is your friend, doctor and supervisor appointed to you by... by... some organization.

“Jaebeom,” the pretty lady puts her hand on my shoulder, features softened instead of frozen and marred by fear, “have you taken your medication yet?”

The natural fruity undertone seems forced to be stronger.

You should be scared. I might have- I made that claw mark. Why treat me like a human? I’m a wolf.

“Me- Med-“ The strange word barely registers until a spark of humanity recalls its definition. “Medication. Pills. No, I- I haven’t.”

“Let me grab a glass of water and get them.”

She ruffles my hair, jumps off the bed and rushes out of the room. I listen to her bare feet lightly treading the floor as she moves on the other side of the wall, hurried steps going from the hallway, where she rummages in my coat for the rattling bottle of pills, to the kitchen. There, she opens a cupboard to grab a glass. The loud clinking of glass alongside the sour undertone in her scent indicates she almost accidentally caused several to fall out and break on the tiles. Fortunately, judging by the deep sigh of relief, Y/N could prevent it from happening.

She turns on the tab, fills the glass with water, turns the tab off and walks back into the room.

“There you go,” she says, handing me the small brown bottle and water.

The mattress dips a bit when she sits down next to me with one of the bowls filled with cereal in her hands. After stirring the spoon around like she is trying to evade something, Y/N finally takes a first careful bite. Nevertheless, she starts eating properly after I kiss her temple, which is an apparently effective form of encouragement. I have to remember that.

Quietly seated in the golden sunlight, we have our first breakfast together. I don’t mind her watching me as I’m taking my medication, measuring out the amount Jinyoung told me to take. Or, rather, as much as the label notes I should. Immediately my gag reflex is triggered when I put them in my mouth, the taste of bitter metal extremer than before so it’s like licking one of the rusted over buoys drifting in the harbour.

He’s increased the nightshade and silver. Damn, I think even the worst coffee tastes better than this.

“That bad?”

“Yep.” I open and close my mouth, nauseous due to the sickening taste lingering on my tongue. To prevent the bile rising in my throat from escaping, I gulp down the water. Unfortunately, it only washes down part of the bitterness.

She holds up a spoon with milk-soaked granola to feed to me, but I turn it down and shake my head. I might actually throw up if I eat anything right now.

Disappointment flashes across her face, though it’s gone in an instant as she puts her bowl down and stands up. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

“But... food,” I meekly offer and point at the half-empty bowl on the nightstand. She should put herself before me.

Because I’ll be fine.

“We’re missing something important. Coffee,” the bunny-like lady playfully responds before she bounces off again to the kitchen.

The pleasant and slightly sweet scent of instant cappuccino warms the apartment, replacing the sharp scent of frozen water alluding to hail later on in the day. It’s a little early in the year, but soon the first snows will fall.

Hopefully, she’ll move before then so we can spend Christmas in her cottage. Although, it doesn’t even have to be the holidays. I’d light a fire, drape a blanket over our shoulders and keep Y/N close to warm her with mine as we read and look at the snowfall.

Like a snowflake falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling before our eyes, so we pass through life. At this rate, I think the next snowfall might be the last I’ll see.

Consciously.

Meaningfully.

Like a human.

The snowflake will faintly fall on the man I am, descend on the husk I’m becoming, while she will continue living.

Without me.

The living and the dead.

I smile wistfully until the same shot of pain treks through me as when I tried to fill in the gaps of the fragmented memory. Folded in on myself, cold sweat on my skin and short of breath, I press my palms against my snout to push the agony away.

The pained groaning must have alarmed the pretty lady because she rushes to my side and pushes one of the mugs in her little paws… hands in mine. “Here, take a sip. The caffeine will help.”

As told, I nip at the hot beverage. Indeed, the cappuccino lessens the headache and cold shivers that ran down my spine and threatened to spread. Though I dislike instant coffee, it actually tastes good when she prepares it. I sigh in relief, blow on the coffee to cool it down, and slowly drink it while Y/N caresses my jaw and ear just the way I like it. At the same time, she comforts me with her soothing voice, murmuring words of solace and assurance as she sits down next to me again.

I could listen to you all day. Maybe I should ask you to read to me sometime. Although, not maybe. I’ll ask it later. Note to self, write a note on your phone to ask her to read to you. Also, make note of kissing her temple.

My reverie is broken up by a comment which rubs me the wrong way. “I have to go to the office later today-’’

“Already? You just got home.”

“They’re counting on me, Jae. Besides, I’m not that jet-lagged.”

“It’s not healthy. You should stay home. Rest,” I bark. Her eyes widen, taken aback by my bluntness.

She opens and closes her mouth, planning to say something yet deciding against it. Instead, she tugs my ear. “I’ll be fine. And you have your shop to look after, so let’s both work hard today.”

“Still,” I take another sip, “I don’t think you should go.”

“As long as I have caffeine, I should be able to manage. How about this? I’ll come to your shop as soon as I’m done with work and cook for us. We’ll have a cosy night in like we had last night.”

“Last night was ‘cosy’ indeed,” I murmur, hoping she catches on to what I’m alluding to.

“It was. I really liked it.” Her lashes flutter with the memories of last night, cheeks tinged pink. Unfortunately, the heartstopping girlish giggle is short-lived and becomes serious too soon. “But while I did, I think we shouldn’t do it again so soon.”

“Agreed,” I respond, mind occupied by the ripples of transformation and the splashes of pain wanting to remember something significant only communicated in incomprehensible flashes.

Distorted.

Like the memories of the forest.

I need to call Jinyoung. He needs to know.

“What shall we eat tonight?”

The change in subject is welcome, but also a confusing bridge to cross. How can humans go from severe to casual without a care? The aspect of communication has me furrow my brows as I try to work out the mech… work… nuts and bolts behind it. Nevertheless, I answer the question. “I thought you had a plan already.”

The corners of her mouth curl up into a cat-like grin. “I have no idea, so that’s why I’m asking you. You’re a better chef than I am.”

“I’m not that good,” I murmur, my ears lowered like a shy pup. “But I’d like something we can make together.”

“Pancakes?”

“Yes!’’ I bark, leaning in and grabbing the sheets to contain the excitement at cooking together. ‘’Yes, I’d like that!”

A flicker of doubt passes over her face, hesitant in the way she tends to be when it concerns food. However, a second later, she taps me on the nose with a content hum. “Pancakes it is.”

While Y/N showers, I clean the dishes and pull the sheets off of the bed so she can bring them to the laundry. Although, maybe I could do it myself. I’d have to text Jinyoung for instructions since he always does mine, but even then it shouldn’t be too difficult. Humans do laundry all the time. It’s part of their routine and if they can do it, so can I.

I hope.

As I’m making the bed and contemplating the process to get at least the blood stain out of the fabric, my mate walks back into the room. Her wet hair is bundled up in a towel that’s smaller than the one wrapped around her body. The addition of the scents of cherry blossoms and matcha to the blend of summer fruits drives me dizzy as she moves to the wardrobe.

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help looking as the towel falls to the floor to reveal her naked body. An appreciative growl unconsciously rises from my throat, a surge of heat culminating between my legs.

Just one more time. I’ll keep myself in check. Behave. I’ll behave.

“Jaebeom,” cheeks flushed, Y/N glances over her shoulder, “don’t even think about it.”

“Sorry,” I mumble as I shuffle to her side to help her put on her bra by closing the clasps. When they click in place, I place a kiss between her shoulder blades, feeling her shiver against my lips. “I know what we agreed on.”

I wrap my arms around her waist and let my head rest on her shoulder. Eyes closed, I try to keep a clear mind as she scratches me behind the ear.

“It’s not necessarily... that.” Her voice is light, wanting to move past the concerns of last night with humour. “It’s rather the thought I wouldn’t get to leave for the office at all if we go back to bed.”

“You’re right.” I decide to play along, if only to give us both some peace of mind. So, I bury my nose in the side of her neck, nuzzling her and earning myself a bird-like giggle that spreads a nice fuzzy feeling inside. “I wouldn’t let you go. We’d read the day away with coffee.”

“Tea, in your case. Doctor’s orders. I don’t want you bouncing around the place. You’re my calm, well, sort of calm bookish wolf. Not a supercharged husky.”

It’s a lame joke, but nevertheless makes me laugh.

“What will you wear today?” I ask, glancing at the clothes on the hangers.

Here and there, there’s a colourful item in the collection. Withal, the majority of the items are mono… one-toned... black and white items to be switched up with a dark-shaded checkered blouse.

My attention drifts to the long white dress with lemons. The fabric is on the thin side, which makes it suitable for summer or a warm spring.

I’d love to see you in that dress, if only just once.

She pouts her lips. “I was thinking about grey high-waisted jeans with a black button-up shirt and ankle boots.”

“Wear my hoodie,” I whine, upset my… my girlfriend. That sounds nice. My girlfriend. It makes me upset that my girlfriend doesn’t plan on wearing one of the things I gave her. “You like the grey one, right?”

“I do, but-’’

“Then wear it.”

She sighs, shakes her head and turns around to look up at me. “There’s something like a dress code at the office.”

“Don’t care.” I nudge her nose with mine, bark lowered to a woof to persuade her to go with my choice. “You’ll look better. More pretty.”

“If you put a pair of boxers on, I’ll wear the hoodie. Deal?”

“But they’re uncomfortable. I only wore them because Jinyoung told me to.”

“Then I won’t wear the hoodie.” Little devilish will-o’-the-wisps light up her eyes as the corners of her mouth curl up into a taunting grin. “Shame. Now my colleagues won’t get to see I have a boyfriend.”

The tables have flipped since I’m apparently not the only one who’s good at using their charms.

Nevertheless, reluctant to start a fight over this, I let out a compromising chuff. “Okay, fine.”

Humans and their clothes. I like yours, but you’d look even better in mine. Still, I’m only doing this because I want every male at your office and in the city to know you’re mine.

No matter what size they are, clothing is a thing I absolutely haven’t missed. Notwithstanding, to please my mate, I wriggle myself back into the tight short trousers and the loose pants to wear over them. Y/N gives me a warning look when she sees me fumbling with my shirt, hopefully missing out on the obvious clue I secretly hope she’ll let me off easy.

Of course she doesn’t.

“Yes, Jae, also the shirt,” she chastises me like a mother disciplines a rebellious pup. “And the shoes. You don’t want other people to call the cops after seeing a naked man in the streets.” Unaware of the fact I can hear her perfectly even as she mutters under her breath, she adds. ‘’Or me to pick you up at the police station because of it.’’

Amused by the funny image the fantastical scenario creates in my mind, I relent. “Yes, ma’am.”

Once we’re both dressed, Y/N makes way for the bathroom to do her makeup. Ignoring my protests it’s unnecessary since there’s nothing to hide or improve to make me love her more, she closes the door behind her and locks it.

There goes the plan of dragging her out of there by the collar to have her scratch my jaw and ear again instead. A much better way to pass the time, if you ask me.

In the meanwhile, I return to the bedroom to take a picture of the damage with my phone and send it to Jinyoung.

Jaebeom: We need to talk.

Immediately, I get a response.

Jinyoung: Yes, we absolutely do. Everything OK?

Jaebeom: Yes, Y/N is fine. Alive. A little shaken, but so am I. Well, we’re more than a little shaken. Fuck, Jinyoung, I don’t know what happened.

Jinyoung: I’ll drop by later today. I have to give a lecture in a bit and have to see a new patient afterwards. He’s going through the reintegration program right now and needs a little extra help.

Jaebeom: Help with what? What is he?

Jinyoung: A wolf. Not a standard case.

Jaebeom: Anything I can help with?

Jinyoung: I think you need to focus on yourself right now. I’ll be at the shop around two.

Footsteps disturb the silence, going from the bathroom to the hallway.

That was quick. Are females always this fast with applying their face?

It’s a funny phrase, ‘applying my face’. Also, it’s the argument the pretty lady used as the final word on the matter. But she already has a face so there’s no need to apply a second like some Greek god.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Ears perked, I glance around the corner into the living room and in Y/N’s direction.

“Work?” she answers sheepishly, looking back at me with her head slightly tilted to the side. In her hands is the black trench coat she was about to put on.

Fortunately, she’s kept her makeup natural with a golden brown eyeshadow, a bit of a black line to accentuate her eyes and something to enhance her lashes. It’s a natural look which some of the female customers could learn from with their fake lips or chest that makes them reek of silicone and plastic. Their makeup, often overemphasizing their fake features, doesn’t add to their supposed charm. In fact, it makes me turn my snout away even faster if their attitude already hasn’t.

I’d never offer them coffee or want them around more than once.

But not her.

Not Y/N.

I can’t remember if she wore the same makeup when we met, but I vaguely recall a sense of calm and need for protection alongside a strange recognition. A connection that would make all the puzzle pieces of my life fit together.

The missing last piece.

“Not so fast.” I swiftly move to her side to kiss her forehead. No way I’m letting her go without giving her at least one more.

“There,” I pet her head, griggling and sweeping my tail triumphantly, “now you’re free to go.”

“I wouldn’t have gone without telling you, you know?” She stands on the tip of her toes to peck me on the lips, slightly swaying side to side to keep her balance.

So I lean forward to make it easier for her and chuckle against her lips. “Have a good day at work, Y/N.”

“You too, Jae.”

And with that, she puts on her coat, grabs her bag and opens the front door. She lingers in the doorway, waving half-heartedly as a final word of goodbye.

I wave back, faking a smile to see her off without worry.

Being human again isn’t so bad.

However, the deadline is another story.

The shop is as tranquil as it is on any other day. The quietness of unread words hangs between the shelves, the only noise to disrupt the silence being the rustle of a page being turned. Seated by the window as per usual, listening to the hail in the dim light, I read the time away, but whereas it’s normally a form of amusement and pleasure, it now functions in part to forget this morning’s discovery.

I didn’t mean to pry, but I inspected Y/N’s bookshelves before I left her apartment. There was the usual assortment of classics, but also a lot of Asian fiction, a genre I haven’t delved into too much yet. So, of course with the intention of returning it, I took Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami with me.

She must have read it recently because her fruity scent still lingers on the paper. The summer blend distracts me to the point that the movement of the hands of the clock pass unnoticed in the background.

Regardless of the appointed time, it’s half past two instead of two o’clock that Jinyoung comes in. In his one hand he holds a carrier with two paper cups, the sleeves on them decorated with the silhouette of a black wolf and the name of the café printed in vintage letters beneath the design, the letters spelling out Wolf’s. Judging by the scent, it’s tea the doctor has brought with him. Apple cinnamon for me, since that’s the only one I like, and rooibos for himself.

In his other hand, he holds his bag. One of the claps has either not been fastened before he left or came undone along the way. Whatever the reason, it’s clear he came here in a hurry.

“Sorry I’m late. Christian and I had a lot more to discuss than we thought.” Jinyoung stumbles inside, puts the tea and his bag on the counter, and turns around to lock the door and flip the sign so we can talk in private.

A hint of leather mixed with coffee and wood is mixed in with his own.

Male.

Threat.

Teeth gritted and jaw clenched, I make a mental note to myself to keep this scent away from Y/N. To keep this Christian away from her.

“Jaebeom,” the other male sighs. His tone holds a silent warning of being close to breaking some kind of boundary.

“What?” The answer rolls off the tongue as a growl rather than an actual question. Not that it matters since he must have had a lot worse to endure from me. Besides, it’s not him I’m pissed at so he’s safe.

Although, the wild undertone in his already peculiar personal blend alludes to the opposite.

Has he always smelled like this or is this new? He is human, but then why does my instinct tell me to watch out for him, that there’s more than to him? Strange.

“He’s no competition. I think he might have imprinted with my colleague, although neither he nor she might be aware of it.” He rolls his eyes. “The gods know whether Gráinne will do anything with it. I wonder if... no, I don’t think either of them told her anything.”

A grim wistfulness stains his voice, which ignites a curiosity about his colleague’s circumstances. Notwithstanding, that story will have to wait until another day and his willingness to tell me.

Still, I quickly fish my phone out of my pocket, open the notes app, and jot down a short reminder to ask about it at a later date.

“Anyway,” Jinyoung steps away from the door, hands me the cup with apple cinnamon tea, and gestures at the worn couch by the window overlooking the west side of the neighbourhood, “we’re here to talk about you. About the picture you sent.”

We move away from the counter to the sofa. A burst of hail spatters against the glass as we sit down.

I’m glad to have something to hold to conceal the shivers running through my body at the image of the claw mark mixed with the memory of what Y/N told me she felt. Or, rather, thought she felt although I’m certain she actually did feel the first ripples of transformation.

For a moment, we sit in silence as I mentally prepare myself for the conversation. Nipping on the tea with my shoulders curled over my chest, I try to reconstruct last night as best I can.

As much as my memory lets me.

To break the... something. There’s an idiom, no, a phrase? A saying.

I don’t know.

Not anymore.

To make it easier, likely noticing the struggle to say anything, Jinyoung speaks up. “There’s more than the photo. You’re leaving things out, things I need to know to help. What aren’t you telling me, Jaebeom?”

“Y/N-” I begin, my breath unsteady as I restart the sentence, “Y/N said she felt my skin move and if I try to remember last night, I can only recall fragments that give me a headache when I try to string them together. Which I can’t.”

He pales, frozen in place as the weird briny scent sours. “That shouldn’t-’’

“Shouldn’t happen,” I finish the remark.

A horrifying idea arises that sets the hairs on the back of my neck on end and has me nervously tapping my thumbs together as I try not to squeeze the cup in my paws. Nonetheless, voice a low woof bordering on a melancholic whine, I tell the doctor what’s on my mind. “I think the pills stopped working. Completely. I- I don’t think-’’

The world stops, shrinks, and strings my chest as tight as a string as I shrink within myself. Each thought evaporates as fast as the flashes in the wolf’s memory, incoherent if meant to be sensible at all.

The snow hasn’t even come.

I can’t leave her alone.

I don’t want to leave this life.

I don’t want to go just when being human again starts to get good.

I don’t want to be the old me again.

“I think so too,” Jinyoung agrees grimly. “If I increase the silver and nightshade or the doses it will kill you.”

He tilts his head to the side, eyes sharp with focus as he poses the question I’ve been wondering about myself. “Does she know what you are?”

I shake my head. I might be her weirdo wolf guy, but she’d never believe me if I told her what I really am. Besides, werewolves are the stuff of fiction these days.

We’re no longer seen as a real threat nor have the power and status we used to have in the days of yore. We are devoid of an identity acknowledged by humans.

But, if I don’t possess an identity, am I really here?

Alive?

Or dead like the wolf inside?

Paradise is calling, the song of the forest playing like a red thread through my broken memory.

Beckoning me home.

The woods are calling.

And I must not go.

Jinyoung’s new question pulls me out of my reverie, just in time before the train of thought would crash and burn. “Are you going to tell her?”

“No.” I take a sip of the sweet tea, to have a second of bliss and enjoy a new human pleasure.

Another happiness I discovered a little too late.

“Will you at least tell her about your meds?” Even though she’s seen me take them, Y/N doesn’t know what they’re for. But, then again, did she look at the label?

Regardless of whether she did or not, she’s perhaps not truly ignorant to the reason I have to take them. After all, she thinks they combat my amnesia, which is partially true. It’s a half-truth.

But the real reason is a secret I intend to keep.

“No,” I repeat, determined in my answer regardless of the world spinning out of control. “I won’t tell her.”

“She deserves that much, doesn’t she? She’s your girlfriend, Jay.’’ Although his features have softened, the doctor’s voice rises to a fierce bark as he reinforces his point. ‘’Your mate.”

“I can’t tell her,’’ I retort, my bark closer to a growl than a civilized answer. Tears brim on the edge of my lashes, obscuring my vision in spite of my attempts to blink them away. The vision of Y/N by herself in the snow, on her knees in the middle of the orchard, blocks my throat and makes breathing harder than it already was.

The vision changes to the image of a spring day close to summer, warm enough for her to wear the dress with the lemons. She’s seated in the same position between the trees which are now white and pink with blossom. However, whereas her belly was flat before, it’s now swollen, pregnant with pups.

My pups?

No, I have to stay here.

I have to survive the winter.

I have to be here if I ever change my mind and want to start a pack with her.

I must be here.

But the question is whether I actually can.

At this rate, I’m not sure.

I don’t know.

But I know enough to explain why I’m reluctant to tell my pretty lady anything. ‘’I can’t tell her, because the news will hurt her and I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt her.”

Plus, what am I supposed to say? I’m a wolf that turned into a man and is slowly dying, going back to his old form in which it... he. Am human. In which he’ll be stuck until it- He! Am human! Until he dies?

“Y/N has to know about this, Jaebeom.’’ A hand on my shoulder makes me look up from the floor to the man next to me. ‘’How about I talk to her, tell her what you told me and discuss what our options are as well as a plan for the future?”

“You’re right.” I let out a mirthless griggle. “Fuck, I hate it when you are. But… But how will you… explain, uhm, explain… this- me! How will you explain me? What I am? For all she cares, werewolves are my- myth- fic-’’ I throw my head back, frustrated I can’t find the right word or properly speak.

Jinyoung gives me an encouraging squeeze, kindheartedly chuckling at my failure. “I know what you mean. Nobody comes into our world willingly or at least without a good reason. I think your... situation is enough of the latter for her to get involved too. She doesn’t have to join the branch, I’ll leave that up to her. But, if Y/N decides to believe me, or us for that matter, she’ll at least have a community to rely on when you, you know, you’re...”

“When I’m gone.’’ The hesitance to state the facts makes me grimace and my tone sharper than intended. ‘’We both know where this is heading so just say it.”

“Fine,’’ the doctor puts his hands up as if he’s at the risk of being shot ‘’when you’re gone.”

“What’ll happen to the shop?” I gesture around the paper paradise, changing the topic slightly. Books have been another treasure of humanity I will forever be grateful for, especially since I hopefully have created a legacy with them that’s worth keeping.

The doctor glances around, a somber expression on his face. “Either the university will keep it and maintain it as a potential workplace in the reintegration program or sell it off. I don’t know, real estate doesn’t fall within my jurisdiction.”

“Ah, I see.” I lower my head, gaze averted to the half-empty cup in my paws.

Funny how I once thought of making this a family business or to have at least my pup’s name on the spine of one of these books. If I ever had them, would they like to be a writer? Would Y/N tell them their absent father, I... I love... loved to read?

I force myself to forget the thought, swallow despite having a dry mouth, and shake my head. “Thank you. For wanting to tell her. She’ll come over tonight, so-’’

He holds up his hand to stop me. “I’ll text her so we can meet at a later date. She just returned from a business trip and had quite the evening with you. You two deserve a bit of rest.”

“But what if...”

It’s unlikely, but what if it happens again? What if I spin out of control tonight?

“Keep your temper in check and try to suppress your instinct,” Jinyoung answers matter-of-factly.

So, no sex.

Although the unspoken implication doesn’t come as a surprise, I can’t help but feel disappointed even though Y/N and I agreed on not doing it again so soon. Notwithstanding, it would be a lie to say I didn’t want to do it again this morning. But then there was the pool of blood and the amnesia that ruined our morning bliss.

All the same, flashes of what I do remember from last night replay in my mind.

They say once you’ve had a wolf, you never go back. Maybe because I won’t let you.

She looked beautiful, tears glistening in her eyes, equally as beautiful as her meek whimpers. She’s so small and fragile, easy to overpower.

To conquer.

“Your mind’s…. gutter again, isn’t it?” A groan sounds from somewhere on the side, distant like a faint echo

I was inside her.

In spite of the weird plastic, she felt nice.

Warm.

Wet.

I replay the image of her whimpering on the sheets as I looked down at her over and over. My hand on her cheek and Y/N keeping it in place. I should have used that second to dive down and worship her soft breasts more.

I could have bitten her there. Just a small bite on the side.

The snapping of a pair of fingers before my eyes interrupts the pleasant reverie. A bit offended, I snap around to growl at whoever took the pleasure of a cherished memory away.

Only to face Jinyoung, who sighs and looks down at the bulge in my pants before pursing his lips with an exasperated knowing expression as he looks up.

Scrambling to regain my composure and hardly remembering what he said, I answer as best I can. “No!”

“Then why are you drooling?”

#JB #Jaebeom #GOT7 #GOT7 smut #JB smut #GOT7 x Reader #Jaebeom x Reader #Jaebeom fanfiction #Jaebeom smut #GOT7 Werewolf AU #Werewolf AU #Werewolf!Jaebeom #Werewolf!JB

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mhafiction · 4 years ago

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Req from @annonymousbread:

Here is an actual request if you’re okay with it ☺️

Maybe a story where katsu’s crush from class 1-A gets kidnapped and they don’t find her for over a year. Which by then class 1-A has graduated and all become pro hero’s.

Then Katsuki finally finds her on one of his missions?

Note: This is really becoming a Bakugo fanfic blog huh? I’m not complaining, he’s a very fun boy. -K.

“Bakugo!”

He remembered it. Your sobbing, the fear in your voice, your cries of pain. He saw the rubble, the overcast sky, every little thing rendered with terrifying accuracy. He looked down at his hands. Why was he back here? An uneasy feeling reveled in the pit of his stomach. You cry out again, your shouts solitary and panicked. Lighting courses through his veins, and without an ounce of hesitation, he takes off running. He had to find you.

His lungs burn as he navigates the field, his heart pounding in his head, eyes darting back and forth with frenzied panic as he scans the ruins. Y/N, where are you? The rubble morphs into a terrifying maze, and he feels a cold sweat drip down his back. Bakugo hears you call out his name again and again, and fears the worst, turning around-

There you were, standing in front of him with that faraway look in your eyes. Your eyes... those goddamn eyes haunted him ever since. He reached out to you, tried to call you name-

But you slipped right through his fingers. His throat was tight; nothing came out. And you just stared at him, unblinking, lips ever so slightly parted.

“Why Katsuki? Why couldn’t you have saved me?”

Your voice is accusatory, bitter, and so unlike everything that he knew about you... yet it felt so real.

Bakugo feels a dryness in his mouth as he shouts to you, his voice cracking. It was if a dam burst, and he sobs, sinking to his knees. “I tried!” He curses, watching you turn your back to him, and as he reaches out his hand to catch your wrist, he jolts awake.

Katsuki pants, heaving up and down. Sweat rolls down his forehead. It had felt way too real. He sighs, checking the clock. 4 am. Great. Should he even be surprised? He rises, pulling open his curtains and preparing for the day ahead, your face still fresh in his mind

Bakugo hadn’t gotten a good night’s rest since your disappearance, almost two years ago. Hell, he wondered how anyone from 1-A did. They had been there, too- that fateful day of the school festival, everyone riled up to celebrate the fact that it was their last one before graduation. And of course, something had to go wrong.

Your quirk was invaluable and insanely powerful: controlling probability. If you stockpiled enough energy, you could exert it to tip the scales to someone’s advantage, which could range from boosting the probability of rolling a six on a die...or boosting the probability of someone winning a fight. It worked better when more specific and focused, however.

You had gained a lot of attention from having such an interesting quirk, but some of it turned out to be pretty...bad. Including a plucky group of villains who had been able to capture you during the school festival. The brawl had moved to the city, after Bakugo sent one of the dudes careening into the side of a building with a skillful explosion. Pros urged him to evacuate, but he didn’t listen. He couldn’t have, not when you had been among the ones to save him when he had been kidnapped.

But you weren’t as lucky.

They got away with you. Bakugo remembered the look on your face as you were whisked away into thin air. Gone without a trace, slipped through his fingers.

The search was an ordeal that was significantly harder than his own. The group that had kidnapped you was pretty underground. This, in fact, was their first major crime.

So that left police with no leads, no identification, and no evidence whatsoever. The case went cold. Not a day went by when Bakugo didn’t think of you. His graduation had been somber, Class 1-A collectively on edge together for the rest of the year. Y/N, the promising rising star, so obviously on track to becoming a powerful hero— snuffed out just like that. There was rage, there were tears, there was silence. But now, they had to move on. They were adults, pro-heroes who needed to focus on bigger things. He growled. Yeah, right.

It was no secret among his peers that he liked you. After that incident, many pitied him and the way he kept his head down and his jaw clenched. They didn’t speak up when he lost his temper, they didn’t point out that he was easier to piss off than usual, and they didn’t try to stop him when he’d curse a disproportionate amount at some inanimate object that had wasn’t working right. They knew his pain. Despite him never opening up to anyone, they knew. Bakugo immersed himself in his ambition; training and fighting being the only “healthy” outlet he had. By the time he left UA, he was already in the top ten and slowly forming an agency. He kept an old bulletin board dedicated to your case, spending months trying to track you. Everyone considered him crazy for refusing to let go. But that never stopped him.

His phone rings, and he groans, seeing the contact. Nevertheless, he answers, forcefully brushing the phone against his ear.

“Deku?!”

“Ah! Kacchan, I need to ask for your help on a case.”

Bakugo rubs his temples, annoyed just at the sound of his childhood friend’s voice.

“Heh? Like I would help you, nerd!”

Deku’s voice takes on a graver tone, somewhat faltering. “I think you’d want to after you hear this guy’s MO.”

“Yeah right.”

“No, listen. You remember-“ Deku pauses a moment, hesitating as he chokes back his words. His voice is strained over the phone, betraying some sort of feeling that leaves Bakugo on edge. “You remember Y/N?” Deku continues.

Bakugo bites his lip, brow furrowed with anguish. Internally, he thanks whatever higher power there is that his old friend can’t see his face.

“How could I forget?” He mumbles.

“Well,” Deku breathes, his tone still solemn. “This guy- eyewitness reports say he vanishes into thin air. Literally. He’s been spotted all over the prefecture, mostly dealing in theft, but the most recent case they’ve linked him to is the kidnapping of a Shiketsu boy. Promising kid. The cases also match up with your research, too. I know it’s a stretch-“

Bakugo looks at the old bulletin board placed above his bed, bitter recollection filling his head. “I’m in.”

“Eh? You are?”

“Yes, you shitty nerd! Just brief me on the course of attack. Bastard won’t know what hit him.” He prays that Deku won’t catch on to the trembling intensity of his words. He didn’t need anyone else’s pity, much less Deku’s. What he needed was to find you.

“...You know it might not be him, right? And even if it is, there’s no guarantee...?”

Bakugo tenses, and the line is silent for a moment. His palms are suddenly heavy, weary with exhaustion. He sighs, frustration in a single breath.

“Goddamn it, I know that. But I have to try, Deku.” His voice cracks, shaky but firm. “I owe it to her.”

Deku is quiet. The air is thick—almost suffocating. And finally, he responds.

“Then, drop by my agency this evening. There’s a lot to cover.”

———————————————————————

“Peh. So this is the place.”

Bakugo looks up at the building. It was modest, but classy. Respectable,especially with its prime location. Not that he’d let Deku know.

He’s escorted into a conference room, eyeing the place up and down. His face contorts into dramatic anger when he locks eyes with none other than Todoroki Shouto.

“WHAT’S ICY-HOT DOING HERE?!”

Bakugo grabs Midoriya by the collar, his eye twitching and his fist poised. Deku starts sputtering like a dying fish, waving his hands around.

“Kacchan- he was interested in the mission, too! And it’s not like we can’t use his help-“

“YES WE CAN! WE DON’T NEED HIM!”

“But he might be useful! He’s a top ranking hero too, you know-“

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE’LL BE USEFUL!”

Bakugo reels back his arm, ready to blast Deku’s ass into the stratosphere. Todoroki appears behind him, cool as ever.

“Bakugo,” Shouto begins, gently setting a hand on his shoulder. “She was my friend, too.”

Bakugo pauses, his violent persona sufficiently diffused. He loosens his grip on Midoriya, casting Todoroki a wayward glare. Shouto returns it with his own determined eyes. “Tch. Whatever. Let’s get on with this.”

They settle into seats, Midoriya wheeling in a large whiteboard with meticulous notes dotted all over it.

“First and foremost, I guess I should start with the fact that we’ll also be joined by Uravity, Red Riot, and Froppy,” Midoriya begins, adjusting a projector.

“Do we really need that many people?”

“In all likelihood, no. But there’s a tip that this guy is linked to some bigger crime ring.” A map charting several misdemeanors flicks onto the board. “So, with backup, we’re better safe than sorry.”

Bakugo slumps in his chair. “What is this, a high school reunion?” He jeers.

Midoriya gives him a wry smile. “I guess you can look at it like that. Thanks to your intel, Kacchan, we were able to track down his ID. I went through some records down at the station, and the guy we’re going after apparently has some sort of molecular rearrangement quirk.”

Todoroki cocks his head. “Sort of like that Yakuza guy? Back with Eri?”

“Sort of. But the point is, it allows him to disappear covertly. Really covertly. He just needs to break down his body and his target to their smallest forms and he can manipulate and transport them without a trace. Disappearing into thin air.”

“That sounds awfully familiar,” Todoroki notes, giving Bakugo a quick glance. Bakugo snorts in response, recalling your disappearance. Thin air, huh?

Midoriya nods. “I have a hunch that...it’s the same guy. But, since there’s no guarantee, let’s not get our hopes up. Let’s just focus on prioritizing the rescue.” He turns his board over, revealing an even more intricate chart on the back. “Let’s go over a plan.”

———————————————————————

The fateful day arrived. Police encircled the building- some dingy joint on the bad side of town that looked like any other dive bar. Bakugo would lead the calvary alongside Kirishima and Todoroki, while Asui and Deku rounded off any potential exits. Uraraka watched from above, surveying the entire scene with bated breath.

Bakugo kicks down the door, poised to attack, and meets the faces of at least twenty other folks. One shouts above the ramble and suddenly all hell breaks loose. People are throwing bottles, attacking at Bakugo and each other- and he catches a glimpse of someone fleeing down a flight of stairs behind the bar.

He pursues, carving through the dense crowd with ease. He flies down the stairwell, greeting darkness almost immediately. Bakugo’s explosions flicker in his hands, casting orange shadows over his face in the dim hall. It’s narrow, and there’s only one way to go. There’s only one thing to do. He takes off running, panting heavily, gritting his teeth. This bastard- the nerve he had. To steal the futures of some promising kids.

The hall opens to a cavernous room, and Bakugo edges along the wall, silently inching forward. He catches a glimpse of a long shadow limping back and forth, pacing with nervous energy. Bakugo grins to himself, prepared to strike, and as the silhouette passes the opening of the hallway, he tackles them, restraints in hand. “DIE!” He sends an explosion to their backside. The villain lets out a sturdy cry of pain and immediately yields. Not that it mattered, the restraints wouldn’t permit the use of his quirk whatsoever.

Bakugo looks the guy up and down, hate filling his chest. He growls, “You’ve got a lot of nerve, you know that?”

The man is silent, not even meeting Bakugo’s fiery eyes. Bakugo forces his head towards him, watching fear dance in his gaze. He sneers. “You’re just a coward,” he spits.

Kirishima’s footsteps patter through the hall, and the red-haired boy bursts into the room, stumbling upon the scene.

“Bakugo! That’s the guy!” Bakugo tosses the criminal to him, surveying the area. “Take care of it,” he mumbles in his raspy tone. “I’m looking for the victim.”

He approaches a nearby door- old and decrepit, like everything else in the place. With calculated force, he blasts it down, dread forming in the pit of his stomach. The room is dirty and neglected, like some kind of dungeon.

His eyes widen when he sees your face, hollow cheeks and empty eyes chained against the wall alongside a sobbing boy. Shock fills your sunken form, and you utter out his name, a wistful, raspy murmur.

“Katsuki...?”

Bakugo freezes, once again feeling a terrible weight in his chest. He wants to scream, he wants to go to you- but he’s rooted to the spot, disgusted at your treatment...and at himself. Police flood the little room, Midoriya shouting commands and comforting the boy, and everything’s in a haze. But throughout it all, he never tears his eyes from you, despite the clenching he feels in his heart.

You wake up in an unfamiliar hospital bed. The world seems different. Fresh, and new. A small smile forms on your face, and you giggle quietly to yourself, blinking in the gentle light. You examine the room. A clean, white place with a monitor beeping softly in the background. The hum of machines drone on, and to your right-

You gasp, surprised to see the sleeping face of none other than Bakugo Katsuki, slumped down in a chair. Your childhood crush, handsome as ever. Halos bounced off of the spikes of his hair where the light hit him, leaving him looking like some otherworldly beauty. You laugh to yourself, starting as a small chuckle at this moment- then dissolving into a deep, boisterous and emotional expression of mirth, one that caused tears to form at the corner of your eyes and made you choke over your own joy. It inadvertently woke your spiky-haired hero, who looked down at you, eyes wide and tired.

“Y/N.”

You lift your hand up to him, cupping his face. “Katsuki.”

His jaw clenches, and his eyes go glassy. As he speaks, you feel a sadness, deep and broken, in his heart, and his voice cracks.

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry I couldn’t be faster. That I couldn’t save you-“ he chokes.

“I never lost hope in you.” Bakugo looks into your eyes, and your heart skips a beat with how vulnerable he looks. “I stockpiled energy with the hope that you’d rescue me,” you whisper, brushing away a tear from his face. “I trusted you’d be the one. Out of all of them at UA-“ you smile softly, recalling your high school years. “You were the one I thought of the most. And thinking of you...it gave me hope.” How far away it all seemed. Those days with your friends, training on the field, hoping to be a hero.

“I thought of you, too.” Bakugo grips your hand, as if afraid you’ll disappear again. You pull him into a hug, stroking his trembling form. It felt so good to be in his arms, almost dream like. “Katsuki, I have something to tell you, though,” you murmur. “I had quite the crush on you, back at UA,” you chuckle. He pulls back, still holding you. He brings a calloused hand to your face, drinking in your features. “I did, too,” he admits. You feel butterflies flutter in your stomach, and suddenly it’s as if you’re sixteen again.

“Do you think it’s still there?” You breathe.

He never takes his eyes from yours, and slowly moves in to press his forehead to yours.

“If you do.” You close the distance, placing a kiss on his lips. You drown in his familiar scent, sighing with contentment. Now, this felt like home. Bakugo moves back cautiously, his gentle demeanor and tone never shifting. He brushes a hair away from your face, ever so softly.

“God, you think we can make it work?” He mutters. “You deserve someone who could have saved you on the first try.”

Your brow creases watching Katsuki avert his gaze. You force him to turn his head to you, looking at you straight on. “We have the rest of our lives, Katsuki,” you tell him. “And don’t you dare think that you’ve failed me. You’re the one who tried the hardest. You’re the one who saved me.” Bakugo shrugs.

“I didn’t do it alone.”

You shake your head, beaming. “That’s not what I mean. Holding on to the idea that you’d come— that’s what saved me. I would have died, ages ago if I didn’t carry that hope with me. If I didn’t have that goal to save up my energy to help you find me.”

Bakugo softens beneath your touch, melting as you give him a couple of pecks. He grips your tiny hand in his, swearing that he’ll never let you go ever again.

#bnha x reader #bnha x y/n #mha #bnha #mha x reader #mha x y/n #bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugo imagine #bakugo fluff #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugo katuski x reader

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 4 years ago

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Hakuoki Zuisoroku Omokage-Hana Drama CD “At Shimabara”

I think quarantine is finally getting to me lol. Or perhaps it’s just that I’m only starting to feel overwhelmed right now cuz of my classes... or how awful the news coming from south of the border is... so I kinda went on an absurd spending spree... then decided to finally get a translation for this commissioned because I reaaaaaally wanted to know what happens in this drama as I believe it’s the only one with just Saito, Hijikata and Kazama in it...

anyway.

This is translation is of the 薄桜鬼随想録面影げ花いまじんWebショップオトメパック限定特典ドラマCD 「島原にて」 (name and image pulled from suruga-ya) which google mtl basically says is the game’s Image Web Special Edition CD... or something. the entirety of that is not mentioned in the audio so I don’t really care. lol.

This was translated by the lovely Ran @jokertrap-ran. Check out Ran’s page here for info on commissions! Thank you again for accepting my commission, Ran!

Edited this a tiny bit since I’m only sticking this up as a text translation post.

Hakuoki Zuisouroku Limited Edition Drama CD “At Shimabara”

Translation by @jokertrap-ran

(footsteps, then a door slides open)

Saito: I have returned, Vice-Commander.

Hijikata: Oh, Saito. How was it? Did you manage to successfully see the messenger from the Shogunate back? Heh, I suppose there’s no use asking you that. There’s no way someone like you would leave any stone unturned.

Saito: Indeed; everything has been set into place. He told me to relay the message that they’ll stay on standby once evening comes once we reached the courtyard, vice-commander.

Hijikata: So it seems like they’ve finally acknowledged our strength, huh. There’s nothing I can say if we finally have something that stands out in their eyes. Good work out there, Saito.

Saito: It is only my duty.

Hijikata: You’re still as stiff and uptight as ever...Well, now that this has been settled, how about enjoy a cup of tea and relax for once?

Saito: But Vice-Commander, don’t we have to return to headquarters?

Hijikata: I’m actually still a little tipsy from when we were entertaining the guests earlier so I thought of sobering up before we returned.

Saito: I see. Then, I shall partake in a cup.

Hijikata: Come to think of it, you aren’t a light-weight, right?

Saito: No, I can’t say that I’m that resistant to alcohol…

Hijikata: What are you holding back for? You can’t just be going with a single cup! Here, have a ton!

Saito: Vice-Commander? A ton? Did I hear you wrongly…? Are you perhaps still a little inebriated?

Hijikata: There’s absolutely no way that little bit of alcohol would ever make me drunk!

Saito: But didn’t you say so earlier that you were still feeling a little intoxicated…?

Hijikata: You’re starting to sound like Kondou-san and Sannan-san. “I know more about how much you can handle than you, yourself”.

Saito: No, it wasn't my intention to be suspecting you but…

Hijikata: Yea, I know. There’s no swaying you once you’ve already set your mind onto something. However, there are still times where you need to loosen your shoulders a little. That’s why you should drink a little and relax, for once.

Saito: Understood. If you insist, Vice-Commander. But, drinking alone is a little... It would be much appreciated if you could join me as well, even if it’s just exchanging cups.

(pours drink)

Hijikata: I see, that might be true. I shall join you then.

Saito: Here’s a cup.

Hijikata: Thanks.

(Hijikata drinks)

Hijikata: Ah...

Saito: Vice-Commander!? Are you sure that’s okay…?

Hijikata: (sounds a bit drunk) Don’t fret about the small things! I don’t think you’ll drink up if I don’t start first anyway.

Saito: Then, vice-commander, I’ll down one too then.

Hijikata: Yeah.

-------

(crickets + sound of something being poured)

Hijikata: But, I still can’t bring myself to believe it.

Saito: Believe…?

Hijikata: In the fact that I can walk alongside Kondou-san out in the open and still receive money from the others like that when it was previously unthinkable. Even though it was just a few years back when we were poor, broke and scavenging; barely able to make ends meet at the dojo. It’s almost like a dream come true…

Saito: I do not agree with that. I simply think that the two of you have finally managed to obtain what you deserved.

Hijikata: Well, it’s a fact that we’re now doing more jobs that pay us at a more reasonable price. Even the dream I had of making Kondou-san a daimyo might come true...Will you pour me another cup?

Saito:...Are you sure?

Hijikata: What? I told you didn’t I? A little bit of alcohol like this will never get me drunk!

Saito: Is that so...then…

(more pouring then drinking)

Hijikata: Ah.... In any case, we’ve still got a long way to go. They haven’t yet seen everything that we have to offer.

Saito: Is there some dissatisfaction you’d like to voice…?

Hijikata: No, it’s just that the idiots out there have been fooling around much more since we came here. Souji, that dumbass, was playing such a childish prank just the other day!

Saito: Souji did…?

Hijikata: Yeah, he took the book I was still in the midst of writing and rearranged my entire collection. I had to go back and rearrange all the tomes [pages] from scratch again, thanks to him. Hiding things while I’m working outside, replacing the fillings of my steamed buns with wasabi and messing around with the boats. He’s really been such a handful. It would be great if he put even a little of his love for pranks...no, if he put all of his love for fooling around into helping, the Shinsengumi prosper a little more!

Saito: I deeply apologize for his actions...I shall make sure to give him an earful from my end.

Hijikata: No, there’s no need. It’s not your fault at all. This is all on Souji! And Shinpachi, Harada and Heisuke...Those three only cause nothing but an abundance of noise and trouble when left on their own. If only they’d learn to quiet down a little and learn the right way to treat guests. Maybe they might even be able to knock a couple more strategies into those hard skulls of theirs if they learnt to sit still for a bit. They’d all whine and complain about me being a demon and whatnot if I so much as give them a little warning…

Saito: I understand where you’re coming from...I’ve also tried warning them about it since I’m of the same mind, but... as you can see…

Hijikata: That’s why I said that it’s not your fault at all, didn’t I? None of this is! And Kondou-san has his own thing going on too. He might explode on them one in a while, but he’s still way too soft on them! Haa...Well, it’s my job to clean up after them for Kondou-san’s sake as well, so it’s not like it’s anything new now, but…

(door slides open)

Kazama: I’ve heard everything.

Saito: You are-- Kazama!

Kazama: It’s been a long time, Shogunate dogs. I’ve made it a point to drop in once in a while to see what antics the humans have been putting themselves up to.

Hijikata: I never would have thought that I’d be seeing your face here, in a place like this.

Kazama: I was there watching things go down between the Satsuma and the Aizu, but as usual, such things are of no concern to me. I couldn’t care less about humans, but you, I cannot ignore.

Hijikata: No one’s asking you to join us. I’m just asking what you are here for.

Kazama: I just happened to overhear your conversation about the Shinsengumi. It seems like you’re not all a united front.

Hijikata: Heh. It’s quite a bit of work to make everyone work together and it’s not like we’re the only ones attempting to do it, despite the amount of hard work we have to put in to achieve it.

Kazama: You certainly have a point there.

Hijikata: Huh? What, you’re actually being surprisingly honest today. You’d normally snort and turn your head away, mocking us from that high horse of yours and spouting about how you’re greater than all of us down below.

Kazama: Hard Work; no matter what the cause or source is no different even if the subjects are Oni or Human.

Saito: I don’t know what to think of you calling yourself a vessel, but…

Hijikata: Oh? Doesn’t that mean that you’re one in the world of Oni as well? Have they lowered you into one? Although it’s hard for people like us to understand.

Kazama: Unlike you lot, I’m proud to be one and am willing to uphold the name of the Kazama family from whence I came-!

Hijikata: Yeah, yeah, alright, I get it!

(sounds like Kazama sits. drinks are poured again)

Hijikata: Anyway, how about you drink up too? So? What happened?

(Kazama drinks)

Kazama: Hmm.... Nothing much. Although, there’s something about the Kazama’s family retainer, Amagiri...I do wish that he wouldn’t stand out so much.

Hijikata: What, does that Oni called Amagiri pull stuff off like our Souji?

Kazama: For better or for worse, he lives up to his name as a retainer. Although, he really should familiarise himself more with the Satsuma domain’s workings... He seems to lack awareness when it comes to my position. Fetching my bride back isn’t my only duty. He always seems to be lecturing me about the other things I have to attend to as the head of the Kazama family.

Saito: Isn’t that just the result of you digging your own grave? I’d have done the same too, if I were in Amagiri’s shoes.

Kazama: Silence! I absolutely detest those of a lower rank than me to be mouthing off towards me all so cheekily!

Hijikata: Saito... you should really watch what you say during times like this...or you’d carelessly be adding oil to the fire.

Saito: Roger.

Kazama: What are you whispering between yourselves about over there? Didn’t you want to hear what I had to say?

Hijikata: Yeah, yeah. We are listening. And then?

Kazama : It’s not just Amagiri; those Satsuma guys too… They seem to have mistaken me for their errand runner or something, calling me to them and then sending me off on one troublesome task after another.

Hijikata: I get where you’re coming from! We’re made to take care of the jobs nobody wishes to handle and all the delicious scraps go to you lot!

(drinks poured again)

Hijikata: Uh, I seem to recall you having other subordinates, right…? That...guy with a gun? Shiranui…? What happened to him?

Kazama: Ah... He’s not one of us nor is he someone from the Kazama family. He just got involved in this and threw his lot in with the Choshu by his own free will.

Hijikata: Oh? He joined of his own free will only to end up in such bloodshed along with you and the Choshu? I suppose he picked the wrong place to belong to. I pity him.

Kazama: But he is a fellow Oni, so I’ve warned him countless times... I told him that he should have more pride and be more strict with himself when doing things in Takasugi’s name. I wonder where in the world his pride as an Oni has gone off and disappeared to!? Is what he feels that he owes from his relationship with Takasugi that important!?

Hijikata: Yeah, I get it. We have a good lot of people here who have no sense of who’s their higher up too. There are countless out there who expect us, Shinsengumi, to be cleaning up after them even though we’re on off duty on that day!

Kazama: Precisely! Oni will be Oni, no matter what the circumstances. It’s unfathomable to think otherwise! We cannot participate in conflict between humans.

Hijikata: The new recruits all get scared shitless when they see the Special Corps... cowardly and unwilling to throw everything in the name of pride, where in the world has their Bushi spirit [spirit as warriors] gone!?

Kazama: Hmm... I never would have thought that we’d ever be seeing eye-to-eye on something like this... Drink up, Hijikata.

(drinks are poured and Hijikata drinks again)

Hijikata: Thank you…

Saito: Vice-Commander? I don’t think you should be drinking any mo--

(sets down cup)

Hijikata:...Shuddup! Leave me be!

Saito: But-

Kazama: Enough. Just let him drink his share. I’ll forgive it.

Saito: No, just because you’re willing to overlook it-

Hijikata: I’m fine! ‘Sides, weren’t you the one who told me to drink!

(slams cup)

Saito: No, I only told you to act the part and not to actually drink more of-

(pours again)

Kazama: He, himself, is saying that he wishes to drink. Let a man live, won’t you?

Hijikata: That’s right, you heard him! I won’t go crying to you just because I’ve hit my limit.

Saito: But-!

Kazama: Saito, you aren’t yet one who has become as resilient as man as you should. There’s no way a true man will ever fall victim to as little alcohol as this.

Saito: No, that might be true for you Oni, but the Vice-Commander’s-!

(sound of HIjikata drinking)

Hijikata: Ah.... Saito! Have you not been listening to me at all!? It’s not like I can’t drink; I just don’t!

Saito: Then I suppose it’s fine... (whispers quietly) why am I being attacked by both of him and Kazama at the same time? How did it come to this...This is an unexpected turn of events!

Kazama: Although this has come to the attention to the Yase, even if someone as powerful as myself steps in and attempts to extend a helping hand, those Oni are all unwilling to join me....! They all prattle on about how they’ll never submit to the likes of someone like me... If only they weren’t of higher standing than me, from the Kazama family... I would never allow people who’d dare disgrace me as such live!

Hijikata: Yeah, I understand! So many people have crossed me to the point where I could probably pour oil and light a whole hut of them up on fire. They’re all worthless people who can’t be saved at all... I suppose there’s no saving them, even if you wanted to. Ah, here! You should drink more too!

(drinks poured again)

Kazama: I will drink more, even if you don’t push me to.

(drinks)

Kazama: I do not plan to sit here and do nothing about how I’m being treated as lowly as this forever. I will not put up with this for much longer, just you watch…

Hijikata: Yeah, let’s show them! It’s...not like...we’ll accept being treated like this...for..ever…

(hijikata falls down and passes out)

Saito: Ah! Vice-Commander! Wake up, Vice-Commander! This is no good, it doesn’t seem like he’ll be waking up at all…

Kazama : Hm... How boring. Has he already reached his limit? It’s about time I return too. Would you tell Hijikata that this alcohol wasn’t all too bad for me when he wakes up?

Saito: Ah- Wait!

(door slides opens and kazama leaves)

Saito: ...How irresponsible for him to leave the Vice-Commander in such a state and then make a hasty retreat on his own… But, the Vice-Commander seemed to be able to hold a proper conversation with him earlier...Is it because of the alcohol? Or is it that...I don’t want to think about it, but could they be similar to one another? No! There’s absolutely no way! I’m sure that was just a coincidence!

Hijikata: Mmngh... Just you...watch…! I’m...not going...to be put...down by something...as simple...as this…

-end-

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki zuisouroku #hakuoki drama translation #hakuoki drama cd #Saito Hajime #Hijikata Toshizou #Kazama Chikage

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eleanor-devil · 4 years ago

Text

Boruto: Sacrifices [Remade] | Chap.2 - The Aftermath

Written by: Eleanor-Devil & @mirage-05

Prologue | Chap.1 | Chap.2 - You’re here

"The sudden and violent attack on the Konoha orphanage left citizens shocked and in fear as the threat of a former enemy lurks over Konoha. While there is no confirmation that the incident is indeed linked to Orochimaru, one of the two legendary sannins still alive, the Hokage office searches for every possible clue. Thirty of the kids who are-" That was when Mitsuki decided that he didn't want to listen to more of it and turned off the television. The sun was barely up and the Konohamaru platoon was supposed to meet later for an easy mission and a training, but its youngest member had not slept very well to greet the new day. The days leading to the new moon had always been hard for him, and this cycle has been no exception, only topped with the recent incident. Was it really his father? Not much has been publicized yet about last night, and although Mitsuki didn't really believe his father was in any way involved, he found himself wondering why the Sannin had been the first person to come to mind. It wasn't really a matter of trust, because he refused to believe Orochimaru could act on impulse and without a good reason. It was a matter of curiosity. He proceeded to the counter to take a pill for his increasing headache when he heard his phone chime. He picked it up to see a text message from his best friend.

"Wanna catch up with us for a late b-fast? Sensei is gonna meet us there later." He thought about it for a moment, then typed. "Sure." Maybe a little walk could do good to clear up his head a little. ... It was a nice day outside, neither too cold nor extremely hot. They were to meet in a cafe they had frequented over the past year, when they kind of got bored of the numerous fast-food restaurants around the town. It was small, cozy and didn't have many customers around this hour, so it had, in one way or another, became their safe harbor. "We were beginning to wonder when you would be coming," Sarada said good-naturally when she saw Mitsuki approaching. "Boruto was about to come and get you." "I walked around for a while," Mitsuki said simply. Boruto and Sarada looked at each other for the shortest of seconds. "Is everything alright?" the girl asked finally. "Yup. So when will we get going?" said the blue-haired boy, sitting down on the chair next to Boruto and grabbing the toast that was among the many things his friends ordered. "Konohamaru sensei said he will be here in about half an hour." Boruto explained, also digging in. "Seems like we have a simple mission at hand, and then a training afterward." "Do you know what kind of mission?" "Well, we thought it might have something to do with... the orphanage," Sarada said and Mitsuki actually stopped for a second before he moved on to take a bite from the toast. "Apparently, there are a lot of things that need to be done, and most genin teams are already assigned." When his friend kept his silence, Boruto frowned a little. "Dude... you sure you don't want to talk?" The blue-haired boy looked at him with raised eyebrows. "And you became the team therapist, when...?" "You know what I mean! If you..." "Boruto." Mitsuki cut in, giving him a level look. "I'm not gonna break down or anything, as you well know, so let's just eat in peace, okay?" The blond thought better than to push forward. "Sure." he said, returning to his meal. ... “Wait… our mission is in the grade school?” Konohamaru sighed before rolling his eyes. “For the fourth time, Boruto… yeah, it is.” Boruto folded his arms with a slight pout before looking to the side. “Well I’m sorry I didn’t think they would give us a babysitting assignment, ‘ttebasa.” “And again, it’s not a babysitting assignment. We were requested by their homeroom teacher to demonstrate the ninja rankings - apparently, there are quite a few students who are interested in the ninja career.” “It makes sense.” Mitsuki mumbled. “After all, we are one of the two teams who has two genins, a chuunin and a jounin.” “Not to mention the current Hokage’s son, and the future Hokage.” Sarada said a little proudly, earning herself a glare from the blond. Konohamaru couldn’t help but smile at his team’s antiques. “Well, hurry up, you guys. We are expected to be there in half an hour.” … To be mild about it… the mission didn’t start as they expected at all. “Where do babies come from?” “C-come again?” Boruto stammered out, completely taken aback, just like his teammates, while the mortified homeroom teacher chided the children, a number of fifteen six-year-olds. “Now kids, this isn’t our topic of discussion-” “Bah, we already know the stupid old ninja ranks.” “And you wouldn’t explain to us when you went to meet your child last week - maybe they can.” At a loss for words, the three pre-teens looked sideways at their sensei. Konohamaru, who had gone very red in the face, became even more uncomfortable under their gaze. “W-why are you all looking at me, kore?” “Well, you are the adult.” Boruto pointed out. Sarada cleared her throat, feeling like she should take the lead as the next responsible person. “Uh… I guess we can say they come from the hospital.” The kids didn’t look at all impressed with the answer. “Well duh…” “Laaaaame…” “We’re not three-year-olds you know…” “Well…” Mitsuki chimed in helpfully and all the heads turned to him. “Sometimes… they come out of test tubes, too.” A hushed silence fell over the class as his team and the teacher gaped at the blue haired boy, complete with their mouths open, wondering what on earth was he talking about. “That’s… wow…” one of the kids finally whispered, awed. “Way better than the ‘storks brought you’ theory!” “Hey, does that mean there’s a baby lab somewhere?” Before he could say anything more and add to the awkwardness, Boruto, standing next to him, clasped his hand over Mitsuki’s mouth. The teacher was the first to snap out of it. “Very well,” he said, turning a triumphant and scary smile on the grade schoolers. “If you know the ranks so well, why don’t you enlighten us?” The first kid who spoke smirked. “Simple. Gonin. Juunin. And… er…” “No no, you got it wrong. It’s Ronin, Shunin and Kyuunin.” “Hey, you just made it up!” “So what? Do it better!” “Is it true you are the Hokage’s son?” Taken aback by the kid’s question (and more so by the fact that one of them finally spelled a rank correctly), it took the blond a while to reply. “Err… well, yeah.” The kid who asked the question gave him a once over. “Funny, you don’t look like it.” And immediately, Boruto’s expression became irritated. “Why you little brat…!” “Just let it go, Boruto!” Sarada turned to the students with a smile. “Okay, I will fill you in on the ranks. The lowest ninja rank you can attain is Genin, like my friends here.” She pointed at Boruto and Mitsuki. “You have to have a special set of skills to become Genin.” “Like what?” “Something you would have to figure out by yourselves when the time comes.” “Are all the Chuunins this boring?” the kid who had spoken up to Boruto asked with a yawn. The girl’s cheeks flushed red with this. “Hey…!” The blond raised an eyebrow as a knowing smirk made its way to his face. “Hey, just let it go Sarada.” “That’s not the same!” “Sure it isn’t.” “And you become a Chuunin with an exam.” Mitsuki intervened immediately when the tension in the room suddenly increased tenfold. “If you remember, me and my team took it last year.” “How come only she became Chuunin then?” “Well, that’s because-” Sarada began, but was cut in. “Because she’s the daughter of Uchiha Sasuke!” a girl said with starry eyes, bringing the black haired girl to a halt. “H-how do you know that?” “That’s nothing to do with it.” Boruto said dismissively, and the girl found herself stiffening. “Uncle Sasuke took me in as an apprentice too.” “Are you trying to underestimate me?” the girl asked in a dangerous whisper. “Wha- it’s not your skills that are in question here, Sarada, it’s mine!” “Yeah well, maybe they do need some polishing.” “You two...” Konohamaru began with a frown, knowing which direction this was going. “Hey, if you’re gonna lash at me, why don’t we do it the old-fashioned way?” “Fine by me!” Without waiting, Sarada lunged at Boruto, who turned to face her in expectation… But before things could escalate any further, Mitsuki quickly worked his jutsu, extending his arms to catch his teammates from the middle and push them to the corners of the room. There was a round of collective gasps and a few oohs from the students. “And this,” the blue haired boy said pleasantly, “is not the way a Genin or Chuunin should act.” The kids began clapping Mitsuki. They couldn’t help it. Soon, Sarada and Boruto joined in the laughter as well. … “Well… this mission went well!” Boruto exclaimed with a huge grin. “The kids loved us!” “Well? To the contrary, I’m disappointed.” Konohamaru spared an unimpressed glance to the most vocal members of the team. “We were there to demonstrate those kids the ninja ranks, for one thing. And you guys’ behavior set them a bad example.” “Yeah, it wasn’t like those little punks were very interested.” “Irrelevant.” “Just because they said you didn’t look like Hokage-sama’s son…” “Hey, at least they didn’t call me boring.” “Enough, you two.” The Sarutobi’s voice was stern now. “You could both take a leaf out of Mitsuki’s book. I expect better collaboration in the training - if you want to defeat me, that is.” Just then, they were interrupted by a jounin coming up to them. “Konohamaru-san… you and Sarada-chan are required to attend a meeting in the hall in half an hour.” The Sensei and the Uchiha exchanged a brief look, already having an idea of what the meeting was about. “We will be there.” the young man replied crisply, and turned to the remaining members of his team. “All right, in light of this, we will have to cancel our training session. I will rearrange it for tomorrow and let you guys know.” “Aww man, now that Sarada is a Chuunin you two get all the fun!” This time, Konohamaru grinned as he punched the Uzumaki lightly on the shoulder. “All the more incentive to push yourself harder for the next exams. See you two tomorrow.” … The meeting hall was filled to its maximum capacity. Konohamaru, seated in the front lines where the Sarutobi clan members were, took a look around the huge room. All the six important clans were here, including his, as well as many important jounins and the ANBU. Naruto, the sixth Kakashi Hatake and some of their trustees were standing at the very front, facing all those who had gathered. They had just briefed all the Hokage office gathered about last night. For some odd reason, the setting reminded him of trials. There was a buzz of talking, which ceased immediately when Naruto cleared his throat. At the small pause before he started, Konohamaru met the eyes of Hyuuga Hanabi, who blushed slightly and gave him a very small smile, which he returned. "We've analyzed the nature and technique of last night's attack thoroughly." Naruto began, and everyone in the room returned to business mode. "The odds are in favor that Orochimaru is indeed after the attack. Three eye-witnesses reported that his curse mark was visible on the culprit." Naruto paused for a moment. Everyone in the hall kept their silence, but some of them looked at each other, as if coming to a silent agreement. "Now as for the precautions, we will triple the border guards and change the frequency of their shifts-" Konohamaru heard his clan's leader clearing his throat. Naruto looked over at him. "Yes, Sarutobi Kichiro-san?" he asked politely. “Excuse my intervention, Nanadaime-sama,” the leader of the Sarutobi clan started in a somewhat cold manner. “But I believe there’s a matter of utmost urgency before all these precautions.” There were murmurings around the room. “Please, share,” Naruto prompted, still politely formal, although wary of the calculating look in the old man’s eyes. He thought a brief, sarcastic smile appeared on the man’s lips before Kichiro turned to look at the people gathered in the hall. “Wouldn’t you agree,” he said, fixing his gaze on the Hokage again. “...that exiling Orochimaru’s son, Mitsuki, is our top priority?”

#boruto:sacrifices #boruto #naruto #mitsuki #orochimaru #sarada #boruto fanfiction #naruto fanfiction

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elphenfan · 5 years ago

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Nesting (Good Omens) 1/?

Chapter One I Chapter Two I Chapter Three I Chapter Four I Chapter Five I Chapter Six I

I forgot I hadn’t uploaded this here. Apologies. I was inspired by this post by ariaste here on Tumblr, though I sorta ended up not truly hitting any of the prompts fully. Maybe another time. I suppose this is a slight AU.

--------------------------------------------------

The first time he noticed it, he was sure he had stepped into the wrong shop.

But no, this was definitely A.Z. Fell & Co., the bookshop owned and, ostensibly, run by the kindest angel in existence. If nothing else, he should be able to tell just based on smell; not only was he so familiar with the bookshop that he could smell whether people had come in or not, he knew Aziraphale’s smell as well as he did his own.

But that said, something was off. Enough so that he had been left unsure for a long moment. What was it?

“Aziraphale, did you move the books?” he called.

The angel, who hadn’t even looked up from where he seemed to be pouring over some new acquisitions when Crowley had come in, lifted his gaze to frown at him. The glasses perched on his nose made the gesture look rather adorable.

“Move them?” he said, incredulity in his voice. “They’re all here, as you can see. What would I want to move them for?”

Was there something else in his voice, too? No, he must’ve imagined that.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“You’re the one asking. Why are you asking, anyway?”

He wasn’t going to say it was because something felt off. That would not only be giving up far too easily, it would more than likely offend Aziraphale. More than it already had, at least.

“Just thought the light fell differently in here,” he lied smoothly, moving further into the shop and gesturing. “Thought you might have moved them around a bit, that was all. For better display or whatever.”

“Oh.” No, it did sound as though there was something else in the voice, even if he couldn’t pin it. “Well, yes, I have. Just a few things. You know. Better composition and all that. A bit of visual appeal.”

As though he ever had much track with what was visually appealing. That was, of course, a matter of individual taste but Aziraphale had a gift for always getting it wrong, sometimes only slightly, sometimes quite spectacularly so. The man was almost a century and a half out of style with his clothes, for crying out loud!

And he definitely never moved his books around for something as relatively mundane as visual appeal. After all, that might have quite a disastrous effect.

“Aren’t you afraid customers will find that to be appealing, too?” he asked, leaning up against a bookshelf as he looked at the other. Taking just a bit of advantage of his glasses to let his eyes wander down over the form in front of him. Just as he always did whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Aziraphale stiffened slightly at that, as he tended to when the dreaded word ‘customers’ was used.

Crowley knew he would and hoped that it might prompt the angel to actually reveal the real reason.

Unfortunately, he was to be disappointed.

“What did you want?” the angel asked instead, turning his attention back to the books. “I thought you had something on up in…where was it? Manchester?”

He remembered.

“Finished that yesterday. Just thought I’d pop down and see if you’d be interested in some lunch. My treat, of course.”

And the way that Aziraphale not only unstiffened but positively beamed at the suggestion wiped the odd feeling about the bookshop from the demon’s mind.

The next time he came to the bookshop rather than meeting up with the angel somewhere else, as was often the case so as not to alert their respective head offices, though, he was struck by that feeling again the moment he set foot in the place. It was stronger than before. Much stronger, in fact.

This time, he didn’t mention anything, just moved around the bookshop quietly. Aziraphale was busy with something or other and if he knew he was there, he had yet to acknowledge it out loud.

As far as he could tell, the books had been…rearranged again. They had always looked…fine, but now there a bit more of a…well, frankly, a visual appeal to them, arranged so that your eye swept across them naturally rather than having to endure the bumps and dips of differently formatted books, as though you were tracing a particularly spiky mountain range with your eyes.

It was very inviting, even for someone who was hardly the biggest booklover or connoisseur.

It wasn’t just the books, though. The sofa was there as it had been for the last…well, before they’d fallen out over that whole holy water thing. But the cushions weren’t merely expensive, they were new and the – had the sofa itself been reupholstered? Had it ever been that before?

What on earth was going on? Aziraphale wasn’t the type to change his décor on a whim, or even that often, and both of those were severe understatements.

He was then tempted to ask Aziraphale but decided against it. The last time, the angel had clearly not wanted the question, though exactly why wasn’t clear to the demon.

Well, so a few updates for comfort. That was hardly a bad thing, was it? The sofa looked more inviting than usual and the cushions looked decidedly snuggable.

Had he actually just thought that word? Eurgh.

He helped himself to a bottle of red wine that the angel had left out just to get rid of that thought. But he did share it with the other, so that was okay.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It was only when he’d gotten back to his own flat, had in fact laid down to sleep, that something came to him, slamming into him hard enough to jolt him upright.

Those things…those additions and changes, they weren’t for comfort. They were – they were for nesting!

No, they couldn’t be. They simply could not because…because this was Aziraphale!

Yes, okay, so angels nested when they felt a particularly strong connection to someone else, usually another angel, and wanted to settle down with them in a more exclusive partnership. That didn’t negate their other duties, of course, or mean that they had no love for anything else.

To be honest, he had wondered somewhat about that whole thing. Angels weren’t supposed to form a stronger connection to one particular being than to the rest of the world. It was supposed to be equal, wasn’t it? Why had God allowed that sort of thing, that sort of behaviour, in the ranks of Her angels?

Then again, it was supposed to be caring, too. They were supposed to care about humanity in the first place, and it seemed that they somewhat struggled with that, judging by the comments Aziraphale had let slip over the years.

‘You don’t want to get Gabriel upset with you’ came to mind, for instance.

But there must be someone up there that wasn’t entirely like that. Otherwise, Aziraphale wouldn’t be nesting for them, would he? He had never picked anyone to nest with in the almost six thousand years they had known each other. At least, not as far as Crowley knew, and if it was the case, then he would’ve found that out about his angel by now.

Except…he wasn’t really his angel, was he? Or at least, he wouldn’t be for much longer, if he was nesting. Then he would be someone else’s and Crowley would’ve blown his chances for good.

If he had ever had any chance to begin with, of course, and he honestly didn’t think he had. Leaving aside the fact that they were on opposite sides…well, no, actually, not leaving that aside. He was a demon, fallen and sullied while Aziraphale was…perhaps not entirely pure but far too decent, too right to entertain those thoughts about someone like him. Friends were one thing, a nestmate was quite another. He couldn’t hide that from the higher-ups, either.

Even leaving all that aside, wouldn’t Aziraphale have nested earlier, if that had been on his mind? At least lately, as within the last 200 years where he’d had an actual base of operations he could use as a nest, and yet, up until this point, he had not so much as hinted that he wanted to, despite all the time they’d spent together. Wasn’t that evidence enough?

A point could be made that Crowley could’ve gone and started nesting himself, if that was what he wanted from Aziraphale, and it would be a good point.

Except for a few snags. First of all, it wasn’t as though Aziraphale ever came to his flat, so he wouldn’t be able to see it if he had done it. Second of all, he actually had started once or twice, or maybe more than that, realised what he’d been doing and had pulled it down in case the angel showed up and got the wrong, or right, impression.

He hadn’t even dared think at the time about what the reaction to it would be.

That he’d struggled with himself every step of the way of dismantling every single one of them was another matter entirely.

The point was that he had attempted it before now, because he couldn’t help himself, hadn’t been aware he’d done it until afterwards, or he’d thought that maybe, just maybe, there could be a chance for him only to get scared of losing what he already had and pulling it down. There’d never been anything remotely like that from Aziraphale, Crowley knew. He’d spent enough time in the bookshop that he would spot it if anything changed, as proven when he’d seen it earlier.

He still wanted to nest for his angel so badly but hadn’t dared to, not properly to show it off to him, in case he’d be rejected. No, not in case. In the certainty he would. Nesting wasn’t for a demon, was it? Neither for it to build nor be the recipient of.

And now he’d missed whatever miniscule chance he might’ve had; Aziraphale’s heart had been captured by someone else, enough so that he was prepared to commit himself to making a proper nest out of his beloved bookshop. One he was satisfied enough with to not only not pull it down but add to it. Slowly perfecting it.

For someone else. Someone who wasn’t Crowley.

No. No! No, he wasn’t. He definitely wasn’t nesting. He couldn’t be nesting, he just – he couldn’t!

Crowley realised then that he’d grabbed onto the bedding on either side of him hard and had begun to pull at it as though it had somehow offended him and deserved to be destroyed. He had also begun to hiss, as he did when he forgot himself. However, this wasn’t the soft hiss of contentment that sometimes slipped out when he was enjoying himself, usually around Aziraphale. This was a hiss of pain, even if it was an emotional pain rather than a physical one.

Taking a deep breath and then several more, as the first one didn’t help much, he told himself again that it was wrong. That’d he’d misinterpreted something as innocent as Aziraphale sprucing up the shop a bit. For his own benefit, of course. Not for anyone else’s.

Aziraphale barely had any contact with Heaven beyond what was strictly necessary to keep them off his back, and what he did have didn’t sound at all nice. There was no way that with that, he’d somehow managed to find himself a soulmate that he’d want to nest for.

No way at all.

Telling himself that, firmly, he laid down to get some sleep.

If he had dreams in which he kept falling, what of it? Those were hardly new.

The addition of reaching out towards a familiar body with its back turned to him and arms and wings wrapped around it from in front of it was new, though, as was the cry of a treasured name. One which wasn’t acknowledged.

He wished he could say he didn’t remember what he’d dreamed about when he woke. What he could do was push it as far out of his conscious mind as was at all possible, and that was what he did.

It took a few days, but he managed it.

That he had to avoid Aziraphale for those days was another matter. The angel thought he was on a job somewhere else in the city, thankfully, and wasn’t available.

---------------------------------------------------------------

By the time they met up again, a few weeks rather than a few days later, Crowley had successfully managed to not only suppress the nightmare but convince himself that Aziraphale wasn’t nesting.

That they met somewhere that wasn’t the bookshop was an irrelevant detail. Aziraphale had offered to treat him to some dessert so how could he refuse?

It was quite a worthy enterprise, too, as it always was when the angel was allowed to choose the venue. Crowley was quite good, too, thank you very much, but he wasn’t quite as adept at finding the hidden gems as Aziraphale.

One dessert turned to two then three. Then a fourth, with a side of Irish Coffee and then something a bit…stronger.

They got some wine to go, under the influence of Crowley’s glare rather than Aziraphale’s polite smile, then headed back to the bookshop, which the demon didn’t think twice about. It wasn’t as though it was an uncommon occurrence. Quite the opposite.

That didn’t last long, though.

The moment he stepped over the threshold, he stopped dead. There it was again, that feeling that –

He had to grip onto the doorframe to keep himself upright as it came flooding back to him.

“Crowley? What’s wrong?” Aziraphale asked from behind him. He sounded concerned but then, he would if there was something the matter with his beloved bookshop.

Crowley managed to pull himself together.

“Nothing. Just…dizzy for a moment, that’s all.” To emphasise his point, and also just a little because he did need it, he leaned his back against the doorframe.

Aziraphale moved closer to him and looked him up and down, what Crowley might have termed, in other circumstances, a light frown of concern marring his forehead.

“Oh, dear. Was the wine too much? Or the combination? Perhaps it’s best if we call it a night, then?”

Part of Crowley – to be fair, quite a large part – agreed with that assessment, though not necessarily for the reason Aziraphale thought, and what was more, was touched by the consideration the angel displayed for him.

There was a part of him, however, a little, nasty part, which hadn’t forgotten about the nesting part, that whispered to him that of course Aziraphale wanted to call it a night. He’d obviously done more decorating on the bookshop, the nest, and didn’t want Crowley to see, either because he might worry that he’d get the wrong impression or because it was at a stage where it wasn’t meant for anyone’s eyes but his intended.

No. That couldn’t be right. Why would he have invited him over to the shop in the first place, then?

But had he really? Or had Crowley just assumed because that was how it went, and Aziraphale had been too polite to say anything? Was so polite, in fact, that he even framed the dismissal as a question of consideration.

The demon tried to look and see if there was anything else in that expression of apparent concern. Something that might clue him into what the angel was really thinking.

He couldn’t find it. But perhaps he wasn’t aware that he actually wanted Crowley out of there, which would leave his surface expression quite…innocently true, as it were, while not negating the rest. The fact that he was tipsy probably also made it harder for him to remember that he didn’t want the demon here.

For a moment, Crowley considered pushing past it. Put on a brave face and pretend that it was fine, he’d only been processing the sugar or something. Ignore what Aziraphale might want and go into the shop, right into where the evidence was. Show the angel that wasn’t going to sit idly by and –

The thought of how Aziraphale might react to that breach of trust or whatever you might call it stopped him, though. Or maybe it was the bile in his throat. Or perhaps a combination.

Whatever the case, he backed out of the thought almost as soon as it had formed.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale said, his tone questioning. He’d stepped closer, his hand hovering in a raised position as though he had just about stopped himself from touching.

Something twisted in Crowley’s belly at that.

“Yeah…perhaps. Perhaps you’re right. I should – ehm, yeah, definitely.” He was happy that his sunglasses were currently rather large, as the risk of his eyes being visible was greatly reduced that way.

He wasn’t expecting the words that came next.

“Would you like to have a lie-down? I know it’s in the back of the shop, but the sofa is long enough to accommodate you, so perhaps – “

The sofa. The sofa. The thing that had been upgraded not just with new cushions but with actual new upholstery – which hadn’t even been needed!

One of the very things that had clued him in that his angel might be nesting for someone, someone who wasn’t Crowley, and he expected him to be able to have a lie-down there? That he would feel better after staying on that piece of furniture?

“No, I’m – I’ll just go for a walk or something,” he managed to say. To his own ears his voice sounded wrong, croaky and echoey at the same time, but that might just be the alcohol’s doing.

If Aziraphale heard it, he didn’t show it.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yeah. Course. Probably too much sugar or something. Enhances the alcohol.” He didn’t feel drunk right now, though, just queasy. “Like with fruit, you know.”

“Oh. Yes. Of course. Should I – “

Should. Not ‘would you like’ or ‘do you want me to’. No. Should. As though he was obligated to…

He waved a hand, somehow managing to make it seem flowing and nonchalant.

“Nah. I’ll be fine,” he interrupted. “Don’t worry about, about me. Go on in.”

He swallowed around a lump in his throat and managed a smile as he pushed himself off the doorframe. Though his face was tilted towards the other, he wasn’t actually looking at him. “I’ll see you around.”

With that, he turned and walked away, his slightly unsteady gait, even compared to normal, not due to alcohol at all.

He didn’t notice that Aziraphale stood standing in the doorway to his bookshop and watched him until he was out of sight and consequently, he didn’t see the expression on the other’s face, either.

All that kept replaying in his mind was that tableau that had assaulted him the moment he’d looked into the shop.

There hadn’t just been more clean-up, more attempts to make it cosy and inviting in a way it’d never quite been before, just in case it did attract custom.

The clincher to say Aziraphale was nesting, what had made him nauseous, even as innocuous as it seemed, sat there in plain sight.

A feather on the floor.

#good omens #go fic #Aziraphale #crowley #aziraphale/crowley #Ineffable Husbands #multi-chapter fic #pining crowley #crowley angst #elphen fic #chapter1

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thestray · 4 years ago

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The 62 2020 Movies Releases I Watched During 2020 Ranked

Like the awkward title says, I’m going to rank (and talk about) all the 2020 movies I watched in 2020. This is not meant as any empirical list of what was best, it’s ranked by what I liked the least to the most, and my main criteria is what kind of impact it had on me and/or how much I enjoyed the experience of watching it.

Little bit about myself, I went to art school for animation, then after art school I went to a community college where I studied screenwriting. Never ended up pursuing either thing professionally, but I still write screenplays in my free time and read screenwriting books and listen to screenwriting podcasts. I'm the type of person that loves special features, seeks out behind the scenes information and director interviews, and watch youtube videos analyzing films. I love film, and thinking about film and talking about film and sharing the films I like, and maybe one day making films of my own, who knows.

Ranking and reviewing 62 movies was a more ambitious and challenging task than I anticipated, I rearranged this list swapping titles back and forth so many times, and then I’d remember a movie I forgot I watched and have to add that and figure out where it ranks. I started this on January 1st and am just now ready to post it on the 17th, I was still switching rankings right up until posting this. Even looking at it now there are some kinda want to switch but I’ve accepted that this is more or less arbitrary, lol.

The more I learn about film and what goes into creating a movie the more lenient I am about them. It’s not like I’m never critical of films, but I try to consider both the good and the bad of a movie instead of thinking in a binary of films are either amazing or trash. Some of these films aren’t great, but I typically still enjoyed them to some degree. Except Mulan, lol. I’m sorry Mulan. Speaking of Mulan...

62. Mulan

I'm going to try to say something nice about all these movies even if I didn't like them at all. So... I like the cast, and there are some nice visual moments. I actually was looking forward to this movie before reviews started coming out, it has 2 of the martial arts G.O.A.T.s in it, Donnie Yen and Jet Li, and also Jason Lee as the bad guy, so I figured it might at the very least have some decent action, but they were all underutilized. There’s not a single moment in the film where I felt anything at all. I think all these Disney live-action remakes are doing is making a case for how effective animation is for storytelling.

61. Color Out of Space

I heard a lot of good things about this movie, and it’s really cool visually, and I love Nicolas Cage always, but I really couldn’t get into it. I guess my main issue is that it starts off already too campy for any of to the Lovecraftian horror to really hit. It felt like a B-movie with great production value, and maybe that’s what they were going for? I really wanted to like this but I really just did not feel invested in anything going on, did not relate to anyone in the family, so I don’t think I got much out of it besides the cool visuals.

60. Bloodshot

I think the main flaw of this movie is that is that Vin Diesel was a producer on it, and Vin Diesel should be kept away from making creative decisions on movies. How Did This Get Made did a great podcast episode on this movie. It’s absolute nonsense, it has a couple of cool sequences and special effects in it, and Lamorne with a British accent is great, he’s the main redeeming value of this movie.

59. The Midnight Sky

It seems like this movie wants to be Interstellar, it’s structured in a very similar way, but it just didn’t quite have that same emotional punch. It looks very good, it’s well-acted, it has it’s moments.

58. The New Mutants

It's not as much of a trainwreck as people make it out to be in my opinion, I think the cast is good and it has some good character interactions, but it mostly suffers from the fact that it's way too predictable, from the beginning you're way ahead of the characters, and it doesn't help that they're in this confined setting so there's not a lot for them to actually do. But I appreciate the attempt at using mutants to do a horror breakfast club thing, good concept.

57. Vampires vs The Bronx

Vampires as a gentrifiers taking over the hood, great idea. Mero is in it, the brand is brolic. It was a fun set up, but it was neither funny enough or scary enough in my opinion. The vampires die so easily it's like okay whatever. It's like a really long Goosebumps episode.

56. Freaky

I don't think the execution lived up to the great concept, but Vince Vaughan was really great in those sincere moments playing a teenage girl. Horror fans will appreciate the gory kills. I'm not going to spoil anything but I do think there are some narrative issues that keep this from being stronger than it could've been. If you made the killer a creepy janitor at the school or even one of the teachers, then I think that would've created more interesting situations.

55. Eurovision

I love Will Ferrell, I even love some of his flops like Casa De Mi Padre and Kicking and Screaming, and even the House I think had a lot of really funny moments. This was definitely one of the least funny movies he's done to me. I think the director David Dobkin couldn't commit to being silly the way Adam McKay can cause there's a lot of this movie that just has no jokes, and the movie is over 2 hours long which isn't normal for comedies so you spend a lot of time watching unfunny scenes and extended musical numbers.

54. The Wrong Missy

I'm not a big fan of most Happy Madison movies, the jokes are very hit or miss for me. I'm a big fan of Lauren Lapkus though so I watched it to support her, and she plays an absolute psycho in this. It's so over the top it's like this character is not a human being, but I have to admit there are a few moments where she made me laugh pretty loud. I'd never watch this movie again, but maybe I'd look up certain parts on youtube.

53. The Platform

High concept dystopian sci-fi horror. Reminds me of the Cube. It's one of those things that makes you think about what you'd do in the same situation. It's a very on the nose allegory, so by the end of it my only takeaway was "Yeah, it really be like that."

52. Archenemy

Another high concept movie. Joe Mangienello is good in it, but Glenn Howerton and Paul Scheer are my favorite parts of the movie, it's fun to see comedy actors play bad guys. My main problem with the movie was that I did not find the teen character to be interesting or relatable at all, in fact he can be kind of obnoxious. In his introductory scene he's REALLY bothering this random guy minding his own business, not respecting his boundaries at all. Then the rest of the movie is about him exploiting a homeless man and being really pushy for likes on some app, and he doesn't really have a character arc. Also wasn't a big fan of the animated sequences but I forgive that knowing this was a low budget movie and those sequences were done by a team of just 3 people.

51. Power

Jamie Foxx is great. I think he makes almost anything he's in watchable to some degree. The idea of this movie is fun but I think the action sequences are kinda underwhelming, but Jamie makes it worth watching in my opinion.

50. Birds of Prey

This movie was all style and absolutely no substance. When your main character doesn't have a solid purpose or goal you're really just watching shit happen, and that can be okay if the shit that's happening is occassionally fun or funny, but it doesn't really make for a memorable story in my opinion.

49. Wonder Woman 84

The most panned movie of 2020 maybe? It's got flaws for sure and some narrative choices I just can't understand why they made. It has some fun performances though and I ultimately appreciated that our superhero wins not by using her fists but by appealing to goodness. I feel like you rarely see that kind of idealism any more. It may not be realistic but I think that's one of the things fantasy is good for, showing us a way things could be better to strive for. But yeah, the Steve Trevor things was fucking weird, why'd they do that? And neither Steve or Diana seem concerned with about this random guy's fate. I'd probably rate this film higher if they had Steve simply appear out of thin air, I mean why not? It's magic. But I loved Kristen Wig and Pedro Pascal in this. Pedro is performing with his whole body, did he film this after season 1 of the Mandolorian? Maybe being under that helmet for a season made him want to be really expressive. The films overall kinda campy but I didn't necessarily mind that.

48. Peninsula

Sequel to the already classic Train to Busan, this film decides the up the scale, which is what sequels often do, but I think it was a mistake in this instance. This is more of an over the top action movie than a character-driven horror film like the first. There's a climactic Mad Max-esque car chase scene that is almost entirely CGI. I don't think it was a bad movie, it's an okay popcorn flick, but it definitely doesn't live up to the original.

47. The Old Guard

In terms of action I don't think it did anything interesting, but I like how they explored how horrific and heartbreaking it would be to be immortal. Coming to terms with your own mortality is a tough thing to do, but we often don't consider the idea that death is a blessing we take for granted.

46. Sputnik

A Russian sci-fi thriller about a young doctor being tasked with trying to figure out how to separate an alien parasite from a Cosmonaut that's returned from earth. Good performances, creepy vibe, and lots of interesting questions about ethics. It has a sort of epilogue ending with a reveal I didn't quite understand the significance to the story, but didn't take away from either. Solid.

45. The Invisible Man

Fun sci-fi thriller about toxic abusive relationships and gaslighting. Elizabeth Moss is great in it and my favorite sequences are before her character actually catches on and you have moments where the camera is just focusing on a random place, very creepy and effective.

44. Sonic the Hedgehog

Personally I would've preferred a fully animated film taking place in Sonic's world. I don't know why they always feel like they need to make these movies about human characters and then spend a lot of time having to hide your CG character and having people do comical reactions to them. It feels very played out to me. BUT Jim Carrey is great in this, of course. Jim Carrey is the reason to watch this movie. He makes the movie. And it goes without saying thank God they changed that character design.

43. 2067

What I liked about this dystopian future is that the cause was basically everything. War, famine, ruining the environment, pandemics, just all our collective fuckery has resulted in a world where the human race is on the verge of extinction, plants are extinct, and oxygen is synthetic. Enter time travel, a young man is tasked with traveling into the future to bring back the solution to saving the human race. Very timely obviously. I liked it.

42. Monsters of Man

Some asshole tech bros let some killer robots loose on a remote southeast asian village as a trial run. It has lots of flaws but I give it some leeway because this is the first film of a guy who wrote, directed and was the cinematographer by himself, he didn't have a huge budget or much experience, so it's hard to expect perfection. My biggest criticism is that the film centers a white guy living in this village and some westerner medics, not the actual Asian people of the village. Could've been so much more of interesting commentary about racism and eurocentrism dropping these robots in a village of brown people no one will miss just for practice. That aside though I think it was a solid enough thriller and the robots looked pretty good.

41. Family Romance LLC

An interesting movie about a Japanese entrepreneur who has a business where he'll play whatever role in your life you need. Father, husband, coworker, etc there's a scene where someone even pays him to be scolded in his place by his boss. The main thrust of the film though is him playing the role of a girl's absentee father, pretends to reconnect with her and take her out on the town for activities. It's shot very documentary style, and there are a mixture of first time actors and non-actors. Sometimes there are long awkward conversations that feel just as awkward as real life. I really liked the premise, and the only thing that keeps it from being higher on my list is it doesn't have a strong enough conflict nor does it really have a satisfying conclusion.

40. Over the Moon

Directorial debut of animation legend Glen Keane, I really liked this visually. It was sufficiently enjoyable, but it doesn't have that emotional gut punch that Pixar or Disney films tend to have. But I guess cartoons don't NEED to make you bawl your eyes out to be good. I think there were some missed opportunities narratively, like I guess this is spoilery so just scroll ahead if you don't want to know, but she gains a step brother that she doesn't like and doesn't want to spend time with, once the adventure starts on the Moon they get separated very early on, and don't ge reunited until towards the end, but she somehow now cares about him and considers him her brother. I didn't feel like that was really earned, they should've been together throughout the adventure getting to know each other. But I otherwise liked the story aside from that nitpick. Loved the colors of this movie, almost everything in the moon world is luminescent which provides some nice visuals. Hope to see Glen direct more in the future.

39. The Croods 2

Nothing revolutionary but it has some solid physical comedy and great voice acting. All of Nicolas Cage's overacting is perfect for animation, and I liked Peter Dinklage as Mr. Betterman as well. There's a lot going on thematically but it all works pretty cohesively.

38. #ALIVE

Another Korean zombie thriller. I really liked this because I felt like as far as zombie outbreaks go this is the most realistic scenario. Once you realize what's going on you will just stay in your house rather than risk going outside and fighting zombies. But that poses the problem of a limited supply of food and water. The main thrust of the movie is not how this character survives though it's about him trying to retain his will to live. It's the perfect pandemic isolation allegory.

37. Love and Monsters

It looked kinda corny but I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I like Dylan O'Brien, I love Tom Holland as Peter Parker but I've always felt like Dylan O'Brien would've been a great choice too, he has a good everyman relatable quality. There's also a dog in the movie that I loved. Put a dog in peril in a movie and I will be on the edge of my seat guaranteed. It's a fun movie with some interesting creatures in it and a solid character arc for our main protagonist.

36. Extraction

I love the trend of stunt coordinators directing films. That's the main reason why the John Wick series is so good, and the reason why this also has some very solid action. Nothing crazy here in terms of story or themes, everything is an excuse for Chris Hemsworth to fuck people up and it delivers on that. There's one scene where he slaps around some kids attacking him that I found hilarious as well. Fully welcoming an Extraction 2.

35. Save Yourselves

A couple decides to take a break from social media and get away to a cabin outside the city. While they're disconnected from the world an alien invasion occurs, furry little basketball sized poofs. This movie was pretty funny. I'm a little ambivalent about the ending but I enjoyed these hipsters arguing about what to do about aliens.

34. Bill and Ted Face the Music

A most bodacious movie. Fun gags and a robot that steals the show. It's not as good as the first 2 but I don't think that's any surprise. I think it borrows a little bit too much from the previous films, like the collecting legendary musicians thing, could've done without that. It was a fun movie though, and the daughters really worked.

33. An American Pickle

Seth Rogen playing an orthodox Jew who's been preserved in pickle juice for 100 years and his modern day app developer grandson. I think this may be Seth Rogen's best acting role, as silly as this movie is he's kind of endearing as this character from 100 years aro, and as the grandson he's a lot more understated than he usually is in movies.

32. Tenet

Tenet! Is it controversial that this is not higher up on the list? I really like Nolan's films, actually been a fan since watching his first film Following in a film class. Nolan likes playing with time in his movies so it was inevitable that he'd do something that addresses it very directly eventually. I love the time travel genre and I think this is one of the most ambitious and unique approaches to it to ever done. I actually braved theaters to see this because I did not want to miss the opportunity to see it on the big screen. I did it as safely as possible and booked a reserved seating theater where I knew I wouldn't be sitting by anyone, had a mask, gloves, antibacterial gell on deck, sanitized my seat with wipes, etc, there only 2 other people in the theater all of us sitting way for from each other. Weirdest moviegoing experience I've ever had but glad I saw it on the big screen because the visual spectacle of this is excellent. The reason it's not higher on the list is because as conceptually cool as it is as I did not feel invested. Just on a story level having a character we know very little about pursuing a goal he knows very little about for no clearly defined reason makes it feel like... we're just watching events unfold as opposed to watching a character-driven story. There's a moment at the end that you can tell was meant to be an emotional moment, but I felt nothing. They try to introduce some emotional stakes with the female character, but idk, since it wasn't tied to the inciting incident it felt more like a b-plot than fundamental to the story. So it was a really fun cool looking puzzle, more like watching a cool Rube Goldberg machine, but not something I really thought much about after it was over.

31. Guns Akimbo

I really have been enjoying Daniel Radcliffe's post-Harry Potter career, he'll do some solid dramas he seems to prefer doing fun weird shit like Swiss Army Man, Horns, his role on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, etc. This is in that vein of fun weird shit, a guy who gets guns bolted to his hands and is running around the city in a robe trying to survive essentially a real life video game. A lot of the movies lower on this list had fun concepts but were lacking in execution, but this is one that is just as fun as the idea sounds, even more fun actually, it's funny, the action is good, and there are some great visuals. I found it all around enjoyable.

30. Let Them All Talk

Glen Close as a celebrated author who invites her nephew and 2 estranged best friends on a cruise with her. It's a very light-hearted movie with some underlying conflicts that the characters are afraid to address head on. Glen Close is great, obviously, she plays this pretentious self-important woman with affectations but is still likable and warm. It's a fairly pleasant almost slice-of-life until the 3rd act where everything comes together. To me it was a movie about communication, saying what you mean, saying what you feel, and those unspoken assumptions of what those around you are thinking or feeling about you. I know I can relate to the idea of wanting an apology from someone who might not even be cognizant of the fact that you feel slighted by them, or vice versa finding out someone's had a long standing problem with you when you thought you were cool. One sided grudges do no one any good.

29. True History of the Kelly Gang

I've heard of Ned Kelly, but I've never seen the Heath Ledge or Mick Jagger movies about him and I don't know much about him other than he's a famous Australian outlaw and something of a folk hero to some. The performances and cinematography if this are great. George MacKay from 1917 is the lead and he's amazing, sometimes vulnerable and soft, other times a madman. It spends a lot of time in his childhood and the child actor who plays Ned is great as well. It's gritty and sometimes surreal in it's imagery. From what I can gather previous films seemed to focus more on what happened with him and his gang, while this movie seems to focuses more on everything in his life that led up to him becoming who he is and forming that gang. Like a 3rd of the movie is spent in his childhood, and once the gang is actually formed things move at a pretty brisk pace, seemingly skimming over the exploits of the gang to the conclusion. The film feels very raw and gritty and very fuck the police which I always appreciate.

28. Lucky Grandma

A stubborn grandma in New York's chinatown gets her fortunte read and is told that she's going to be very lucky and come into a fortune, she then comes into possession of a bunch of money that belongs to a gang and she decides to try to keep it feeling it's owed to her by the universe. A funny crime drama with the unlikeliest of protagonists.

27. Da 5 Bloods

Spike Lee is an icon but he can honestly be a little hit or miss for me. I don't always enjoy every choice he makes, for instance he uses real footage of war attrocities in this, and it's really upsetting to see REAL people, including children, be killed, when you're not expecting that. I understand it's meant to be upsetting, but it does make the movie something I'll probably never rewatch. Spike Lee's films to me can also feel at times heightened to the point that it feels a little cheesy (Miracle At St Anna), and there moments in this that kinda took me out of it to be honest, but overall I enjoyed it. The performances were great, Delroy Lindo in my opinion is one of the most underrated actors of all time, he's just always good no matter what he's in, everyone else in it is good too, but of course I have to mention Chadwick Boseman who was great. At the end of the day it gave me a lot to think about in terms or race, war, America, forgiveness, trauma and so many other things.

26. The Devil All The Time

There's a LOT going on in this movie, maybe a little too much, it's like 2 or 3 movies smashed into one, but... I really liked it, and that's probably because Tom Holland is so good in it. Really liked Robert Pattinson in it too. I can’t really think of more to say about it say I won’t. Next movie.

25. Bad Education

A true crime movie about school district officiala who stole from the budget of a highschool. Hugh Jackman is great in this. I loved Jackman as Wolverine, but now that he's done with that I'm excited to see him other stuff cause he's always interesting to watch; The Fountain, Prisoners, The Prestige, he's always solid. I enjoyed this, it was done with nuance, it doesn't let them off the hook for what they did but it doesn't paint them as absolute monsters either. I really have to ask myself, if I could get away with stealing money that no one would miss... I don't know, I think I'd not do it out of fear not altruism, lol.

24. My Octopus Teacher

This is a documentary on Netflix about a diver who immerses himself in the world of underwater life and documents the life of an octopus. It's really beautiful, both in terms of visuals and in content. There's not a lot to talk about because it's fairly straightforward, but it was really fascinating to learn about this octopus and see the bond they mutually formed, and again I can't talk about how great this movie looks, it's like you're in a different world. This is something I could put in and mute while I draw just for the ambiance.

23. Kajillionaire

A quirky dramedy about a family of really obtuse poor scam artists. As absurd as their behaviour is I can totally imagine a trio of weirdos like this living in Los Angeles ( I can say that cause it's my hometown and where I lived most of my life. It's Evan Rachel Wood's best role, I never would've imagined her doing something like this but she's great as "Old Dolio". It's funny, at time sad but not in a hammy melodramatic way, and I feel it had the perfect ending.

22. The Gentleman

Guy Ritchie doing what he does best. It's fun, stylish, witty, has layers and twists and reveals. Everybody's good in it. It doesn't have anything poignant to say, but it's fun to watch the entire time

21. Run

A thriller about a wheelchair bound teen who suspects her mother is drugging her and tries to get to the bottom of it. You can tell this director is a Hitchcock fan because it definitely has that Rear Window vibe but takes it a step further, and in many ways it's even shot and paced like Hitchcock. The lead actress is actually wheelchair bound herself so it really adds to the realism of all the things she does in this film. Oh, and Sarah Paulson is the mom, when is Sarah Paulson ever not good?

20. Horse Girl

Alison Brie is an awkward neurotic woman getting over recent grief and a history of mental illness in her family, she starts to have weird dreams and then notices people from her dreams in real life, starts blacking out and having gaps in time, and starts to believe it's due to alien abduction conspiracy. Is she losing her mind or is it really happening? Alison Brie is really really good in this, and she co-wrote it too, it has a lot of moments where you really feel sorry for her or scared for her and you start to question what's real yourself.

19. Swallow

I found this movie really fascinating, it's like what if you turned one of those My Strange Addiction episodes on TLC into a movie. It's about this woman who ostensibly, at least from appearances, has the perfect life (at least by societal standards), she came from nothing and is now housewife to a rich successful man, and behaves almost like a Stepford wife. Then develops a compulsion to swallow inedible things, like marbles and batteries and thumbtacks, which is a real condition called pica. Its the kind of movie that gives you a lot to think about but no easy answers.

18. Time to Hunt

A Korean heist thriller set in the near future. A bunch of childhood friends rob the wrong person and have an Anton Chigurh-esque killer sent after them to retrieve the money and kill them. It's a really tense cat and mouse thriller with good performances. The ending seemed to turn a lot of people off based on a lot of youtube comments I read, but I didn't mind it. My only real gripe is that they set this in the near future but aside from some imagery in the beginning it doesn't seem to come into play that much, this all could've taken place in modern day or even the past with no alteration of the story. I think the future setting was more just for some social commentary that maybe went over my head a little bit because I'm not from Korea, but I think if they were going to do near future they could've added some futuristic weapons or something. But that's just nitpicking, while the future setting didn't add to the story much it didn't take away from it either.

17. Tigertail

As I get older one of my worse fears is making decisions that I will regret for the rest of my life, so this movie really hit home as a cautionary tale. It's a kind of quietly devastating movie. There's no huge tragic horrific even, just a huge miscalculation. Decades of your life of work and unhappiness go by and all you can do is wonder what things could've been. I also especially appreciated the cinematography and music of this film.

16. Mother

It's been a while since I hated a character this much, but this titular mother really pissed me off. She's a neglectful mother who only sees her son as a tool, but he sticks by her cause he loves her. It's definitely not a fun movie to watch, but it made me feel a lot and meditate on the idea of love and whether it in itself has innate value.

15. Call

I went into this movie cold, having no idea what it was really about other than that it was a thriller that revolved around a woman getting mysterious calls. I'm glad I had seen no trailers and did not know the gist of the plot becuase it went places I really was not expecting. One of the most fun thrillers I've seen in a while. So, I'm not going to talk about the movie but what I will say is that Jeon Jong-seo, who played the woman in Burning is in this, she was great in Burning and she's great in this. After watching it I googled her to see what else she's been in that I can watch and this is only her 2nd film. Apparently Burning was her first audition EVER and she BOOKED IT! Like, one a million success story right? But she deserves it cause she's great and I look forward to seeing what else she does.

14. Possessor

This was directed by Brandon Cronenberg, the son of David Cronenberg, big shoes to fill, and I think he's going to fill them fine cause this is already a cult classic in my opinion. The visuals in this, which look like they were mainly created with practical and in camera effects. There is some very graphic very realistic violence in this. The movie is about an assassin who works for an organization and uses some type of scientific process to "possess" people to carry out hits. When she's in a body for too long who's in control starts to blur. It's really fucking trippy, like a fucked up Black Mirror episode.

13. Borat 2

Been a fan of Sacha since the old Da Ali G Show days when Borat was just a side character. I'm amazed with out Sacha can stay in character the way he does, especially when later on in the movie he shelters in place with some Qanon conservatives with who knows how long staying in character. Maybe they'll reveal they were paid actors who knows, but whatever I fucking laughed a lot at this movie. There's a black woman in this movie that I hope to god was not an actress cause I loved her and her reactions so much. It was a breath of fresh air to watch something that's just goofy in 2020 because it wasn't a good year for comedy. As much as I love film sometimes I got a little fatigue from watching so many things with very heavy themes, this also had heavy themes it was satirizing, but also chimp pornstar jokes, so.. a fun time.

12. A Sun

A drama about a family's eldest son going to juvenile detention for his involvement in a violent crime. We see how his father, his mother, his brother and his pregnant girlfriend all deal with this. I found it very engaging. My only gripe is that there are some moments of levity where they use this really generic comedy music score it and it really takes you out of the film. No music at all is better than bad generic music. Other than that I really loved it and the ending is great. I really thought this would end up in my top 10 but the following films just had more personal relevance or were more fun to watch.

11. Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

R.I.P. Chadwick Boseman, this movie is like an acting showcase for him, he has so many great monologues here, the ending really took the wind out of me. It's also packed with really still relevant commentary on race.

10. Onward

You already expect a Pixar movie to make you cry, but this came from angle I was NOT expecting and I bawled hard at this. This movie was so applicable to my life experience it's like they specifically engineered it to make me personally cry. Honestly there are better movies lower on this list, but movies are just like any other art, when a song touches you on a personal level it doesn't need to have complex instrumentation cause it's how it made you feel that matters.

09. Palm Springs

A comedy released during a pandemic about trying to find stimulation and meaning when every day is the same thing? Ya don't say! Another take on Groundhog Day, which at this point I feel like it's its on genre with the amount of times the concept has been done, but I'm not complaining, I typically enjoy a good time loop movie (or show; Russian Doll). I don't know what else to say besides that it's really funny and Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti are both charming and great in it.

08. Scare Me

This movie was funny, creepy, the performances were great, and it's just really unique and clever. Written, directed, produced, and starring Josh Ruben, who I know primarily does really idiosyncratic "impressions" on instagram. It's 2 people alone in a cabin telling each other scary stories, they don't cut away to the stories you just watch them act it out. 4 people in the cast, one location, and it still manages to be a fun ride of a movie and manages to touch on some good themes in the overall story. I really hope to see Josh Ruben direct more films because I think he's really creative.

07. Ride Your Wave

A romantic comedy about a woman trying to find joy and purpose in her life. I often go into movies very cold, so I didn't know much about what this movie was about, just knew that it was from an animation studio and director that I really respected. It's very beautiful, very grounded, until it's not. Kind of movie that breaks your heart so it can uplift you later.

06. Uncle Frank

I really did not expect a lot from movie, not that I thought it would be bad, I just thought it be your middle of the road movie. It's about a teenage girl who really looks up to her uncle who she learns is a closeted gay man, in an era where that was potentially dangerous to be. They go on a road trip home when his father dies and learn about each other and themselves, it sounds kinda cookie cutter, but it really surprised me. Paul Bettany is so very good in this, and it made me cry. Easy way to get on high on this list is to make me cry lol.

05. Children of the Sea

This film had to be in my top 5 because I'm an animation nerd and this is one of the most beautiful animated films ever. Ever. It's right up there with Akira and the Ghibli catalogue, and the works of Satoshi Kon, and all the Disney movies and everything else. It focuses on details and nuances in a really gorgeous way. The story is VERY ambiguous and gets very metaphysical towards the end, the climax is like watching an acid trip. It's about a girl who meet 2 young boys who have adapted to living underwater, and they form a bond, and then... uh... there's no way I can concisely explain it. The creator has said it's not supposed to be understood logical, instead it's supposed to be felt. There's a lot of symbolism and metaphor, it's very philosophical and explores themes of connection and the cycle of life. It's produced by Studio 4°C, which is my favorite animation studio because they really push the envelope, they're responsible for Mind Game, Tekkonkinkreet, and the recent Mutafukaz, and other, if you've never heard of any of those definitely look them up, they're unlike any anime you've ever watched before. Anyway, beautiful movie and the cryptic plot allows for you to rewatch it multiple times and take different things away from it. I can't wait to own it on blu-ray.

04. 37 Seconds

I saw this very early in the year and love it. It's about a young woman with cerebal palsy who is also an aspiring hentai artist trying to get laid. Her mother who takes care of her like a child smothers her, so it's not only about trying to get laid but trying to have some independence. Firstly the performance of this woman who actually does have cerebral palsy and is a first time actor is so natural and endearing, secondly there are things they portray with an uncomfortable amount of realism and awkwardness that it really draws you in to the nitty gritty of her reality and what it can be like for someone who is wheelchair bound to try to have sexual experiences. I like that there were 2 films this year about characters in wheelchairs that used unknown actresses that face the same things their characters do, it adds to the authenticity of either film. Films like this are why I think diversity in film is not just about doing something for the demographic you're depicting but also giving everyone else not of that demographic new unique stories and perspectives.

03. Soul

I guess spoilers if you haven't seen this because it's easier to talk about why I liked it if I talk specifically about the plot. I wasn't expecting much from this when the initial trailer dropped, it made it seem like it was going to largely take place in this imaginary soul place with these blue things, and for most of the first act it seemed like that's what it was going to be, but when they come back to earth and the story really starts I really started enjoying it. This movie tricks you into thinking the film is about finding or fulfilling your purpose, only to throw a curveball that living life in and of itself is the "purpose", and this movie resonated so much with thoughts that were already on my mind. I relate so much to Joe as a creative person myself with so many unfulfilled dreams, at 36yrs old, having to put many of my goals on the backburner just to survive, and generally having that feeling that I'm still waiting to live life because I'm not fulfilling my "purpose". Sure reaching for goals is great, but I think our culture breeds this idea that happiness is a destination, an accomplishment, a certain amount of recognition, a monetization of your passion. I really loved how the film depicted that there's a dark side to focusing on your passions and how it can become a source of stress and unhappiness. This movie is just about savoring life itself, which people have been expressing through platitudes since forever but this film illustrated it in a way that words fail at, and that's what makes film such a great form of art.

02. Sound of Metal

This movie had one of the best trailers of 2020, I couldn't wait to watch this movie. FIrst of all I love RIz Ahmed and think he's an underrated and underutilized actor, he's fucking amazing in this, he needs an Oscar nom FOR SURE. His frustration is so palpable and he feels so natural in this movie. It follows a metal punk drummer who loses his hearing and goes to stay in a deaf community to acclimate. One thing I think is absolutely brilliant about this movie is the sound design. I'm not deaf so I can't speak from any type of experience, but they try to replicate what going deaf sounds like, what the audiologist tests sound like, what hearing aids and cochlear implants sound like, it's very immersive. I almost think of it like a companion piece to Soul, cause I had almost the same take away, it's just coming from it at a different angle.

01. I'm Thinking Of Ending Things

Okay, so I’m going to have a lot to say about this movie.

Maybe a very controversial pick for my number one because so many people absolutely hated this movie, lol. I am biased given that I'm a huge fan of Charlie Kaufman, he's my favorite screenwriter, and his films have only gotten weirder and weirder, so I know to expect the unexpected when going into one of his films. I can understand how this would be an offputting experience if you're expecting the conventions of normal narrative structure. It was surprising and perplexing to me how this film unfolded but I've watched non-narrative and experimental films before so I was intrigued rather than frustrated. You think it's about a woman who is thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend as they head to meet his parents. Once we get to his childhood home things start getting surreal, and that surrealism just escalates to the point where you realize this film is not at all attempting to depict reality and doesn't even have any continuity. This is the most a movie has ever felt like one of my dreams. I don't know how other people dream but this was so much like every weird nightmare I've ever had where I feel trapped in a situation.

There's a scene where the family is talking about art, the dad says he hates abstract art because it takes no skill, he prefers paintings that look like photographs because that takes real skill, the son asks why make a painting look like a photograph when you can just take a photograph, the woman states she paints pictures of landscapes and tries to imbue them with a sense of interiority, capturing the way she feels, the dad asks how can a landscape be sad if you don't have a person in it looking sad. I felt like this was a bit of meta commentary on the film itself. After I watched this movies I had my own theories, I watched some analysis videos on youtube that confirmed a lot of my ideas and gave me insight on other parts of the film, I watched the film again and formulated more ideas, it's so dense with things to project meaning onto and interpret it. I went on instagram and ended up having lengthy discussions about what the film meant both with people who loved it and hated it. Everybody I spoke with had slightly different interpretations and takeaways. One woman who initially did not like it came away with an appreciation for it after we had a lengthy discussion about it's meaning.

All of this is why it's my favorite film of the year, not only did I relate to it on a personal level because I'm in a stage of my life where I'm approaching middle ages and afraid I'm going to end up like the guy in this film, but I can't remember the last time a film led to such meaningful conversation about life, death, love, mental health, loneliness, trauma, etc. So like the scene where they're talking about art, I think this movie is neither intended to be abstract or realistic, it's supposed to be imbued with a sense of interiority. I know I sound way pretentious right now, but I just really appreciated Charlie Kaufman for making something unabashedly expressionist and serving it up to mainstream audiences. I really feel like I grow as a person and an artist every time I watch one of his films.

------------------------------------------------

So there ya go. That’s it. That concludes this arbitrary exercise in ranking the movies i saw last year, thank you for wasting your time on this, lol. I think it was a very good year for movies.

If there was a movie you were expecting to see on the list and it’s missing I just didn’t get to it in 2020, I may do an unranked follow up list of 2020 movies I missed in 2020, maybe.

That’s it.

End of post.

Bye.

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gerudoheiress · 5 years ago

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Nightmares

Wild looked around him. He was all alone and surrounded by a flat expanse of wild grass. With no trees or structures to be seen, his anxiety kicked into high gear: there was nowhere to hide. He spun around. Hyrule castle, swarming with an aura of malice, was dead ahead. No… Hadn’t he already fought this battle? Hadn’t he already won this war? But no, Zelda was still trapped inside, and he had to get to her. He reached for his sword and shield but there was… nothing. He looked at himself. On his body were the rags from the shrine of resurrection. He was completely vulnerable. What is happening? Swimming in confusion, he cast about him for something—anything—to defend himself with.

Suddenly, every hair on his body stood on end. From across the field, a faint but rapid rhythmic beeping triggered every flight or fight instinct in his body.

Run.

He serpentined across the grass, all too aware of the hot laser on his back. He heard the beeping quicken, and his eyes flew, looking for something to shield him, but he was absolutely without options. Right as the guardian fired, he dove to the side, suffering some burns but still alive. His lungs were straining, but he picked himself up to keep running. He couldn’t stop, but he couldn’t run forever. The guardian fired again, missing him entirely due to a well-timed change in direction. He could feel himself fading fast; his feet slowed and he tripped. This time, the guardian beam hit his arm, searing through it. He yelled in pain, wanting to clutch the burn but knowing it’d be worse if he touched it.

This was it. He’d failed. He’d failed fast and finally. The guardian was just feet from him now, and he stopped running, accepting what couldn’t be changed. He stood as tall as he could, terrified but trying to meet death with a brave face. He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing it’d be quick.

“Link, NO!” a voice shouted, echoing inside his mind the same way the voices of the other champions would. The unmistakable sound of a shield guard came from right in front of him. Wild’s eyes flashed open. The Guardian was stunned, and standing between him and the metal monster was a middle-aged man dressed in the garb of the royal guard. He held a elegant sword and shield, signifying his rank in the royal army. He had dark blond hair and kind eyes. He stood in front of Wild, placing his hands on his shoulders. “Link, it’s going to be okay. I’m so proud, you’ve done so well.” Behind the man, the guardian was retargeting them. Wild raised his hand to warn, but the man pulled him into a hug, protecting him with his body right as the guardian shot, point blank.

“FATHER––!” Wild bolted awake, drenched in sweat, his bedding kicked away. His shout made the entire group bolt from their sleep—some instinctively reached for their weapons. Faces of shock, concern, drowsiness, and fear all stared at him as he tried to choke down his panicked breathing. He brought a trembling hand to his eyes, and felt the dampness around his eyelashes.

“I’m so—I’m sorry,” his voice was hoarse. He stumbled to standing and began running toward the edge of the clearing where they’d set up camp. He needed to get away, needed to be alone, he was so embarrassed and the leftover adrenaline from his dream made his skin crawl.

“Wild, wait!” He heard Twilight shout behind him, but he only sped up. Once he passed the tree line, he allowed a pained sob to escape from deep within his chest. He clutched his head, Why can’t I remember? Why can’t I remember him? Tears were falling, blurring his vision terribly. His foot got caught on an exposed root, throwing him to the ground. He didn’t try to get back up. The noise had startled the nocturnal wild life, and he heard hoofs race away from him as he lay on the damp earth, sobs shaking his body. He’s my father...It’s not fair that I can’t remember him! The cool seeped into him from the ground. He couldn’t even know for certain if who he saw in his dream was someone he used to know or an idea—an archetype—that his imagination had filled in the blanks for. It was infuriating and depressing and there was absolutely nothing he could do.

Old habits of self-enforced stoicism kicked in, and he forced his breathing to even and his tears to stop. A decrescendo of sniffles left him thinking, I’m never going to hear the end of it from Legend. He knew he couldn’t stay away indefinitely, but he dreaded having to answer any questions and the looks of concern he knew were waiting for him back at camp. You’re weak, even in your dreams, He thought cruelly at himself. Standing without bothering to dust himself off, he shuffled slowly back to the edge of the forest.

Sitting at the edge of the clearing was Twilight in wolf form. Wild couldn’t suppress the pang of annoyance that the privacy he held sacred was being violated. But stronger than his annoyance was his gratitude for someone who cared. Cared enough to give him the time and space to come back of his own accord, but nevertheless stayed close to him. Wild sighed, breath still shaky, and walked to the wolf. When Twilight noticed him, no words were said. He got to his feet, shook himself off, and padded alongside him quietly back to camp.

Time was still awake, the rest had fallen back asleep. Wild stepped to him as Twilight took up a place next to Wild’s sleeping covers.

“I’m sorry for the disturbance.”

“None of that. You okay?” It was said flatly, without pity, but with a softness that came from empathy and recognition. Wild nodded once, avoiding the seeking gaze of Time’s good eye. Time sighed and placed his hands on his shoulders. Patting his arm, he extended,

“Take your time. We’re here for you when you’re ready.” Wild nodded again, then returned to his spot next to Twilight. He glanced sideways into his companion’s eyes and saw all the questions as clearly as if he had asked them out loud. He shook his head and pushed the heel of his palms into his eyes.

“It might have been a memory. It might have been a dream. It was probably a little of both. I can’t know though, that’s the worst part, I will just never know what’s real and what I’m making up in my mind. I hate it, Twi.” Wild stopped himself there. Tears wouldn’t be far behind if he kept up like this and he had already woken the group once tonight. He inhaled deeply and laid down with an arm over his eyes. He heard the clinking of Twilight’s arm cuff and felt the warmth of the wolf press against him. Twilight wouldn’t make him talk, but he wouldn’t let him pull away. Because he cares, Wild reminded himself. He removed his arm and looked at the wolf who was looking at him. He sat up and hugged his friend to him, tightening his grip softly around handfuls of fur.

“Thank you for being there when I... when I can’t do it.” Twilight huffed and shook his head gently. Wild didn’t extract himself from Twilight so much as rearrange. He soon fell asleep with his arm over his friend. Twilight’s comforting and steady presence seemed to be the only reliable way to sleep anymore. But for tonight, he needed him, and Twilight let himself be needed.

———

This fic was inspired by this excerpt from the @linkeduniverse archives, with the drama dialed up to, like, an eleven. Because we have no chill.

#loz #linkeduniverse #linked universe #link #hero #hero of the wild #hero of time #hero of twilight #fic #fanfic #legend of zelda #mild angst #but we all like a little angst

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callsignbaphomet · 5 years ago

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Rapid Fire Tips for New Players

You can hit a stunned partner out of their stun.

Speaking of stuns you can see when a partner is stunned, next to their name two little yellow stars will show up and they stand still while wobbling helplessly. You can also hear when someone gets stunned.

One fire? Roll 3 times on dry land and fire's put out. On water or moist surfaces you roll twice or once and the fire's out.

Sharpen your weapon between "matches". When a monster stops attacking to go to another area it'll be the perfect time to sharpen your weapon. Please do.

ALWAYS BRING LIFEPOWDER!

Unless it's an Elder Dragon always capture the monster. I know y'all wanna be edgelords and kill the monster but it's in YOUR best interest to capture the monster. Unless you want to repeat every single optional hunting quest. Plus it's safer to capture, say you're one cart away from failing the quest and the monster is finally going back to its nest. If you capture it it can't fight back which means there is ZERO chances for you to faint.

Speaking of Elder Dragons, they cannot be captured. Traps (shock, pitfall) do not work on them. There is no way you can capture an Elder Dragon, I don't care what the commander said. In fact he should've known better!

Always upgrade your weapons. Trust me, you don't wanna play catch up once you reach High Rank. It'll be insanely frustrating.

Go back to the smithy every once in a while to see if you can upgrade your armor. Don't be an idiot. More defense = less damage = less carts. Don't be cheap with your armor upgrades.

Always take some time to go gathering, fishing and foraging in all different maps. You get materials, you can gather monster clues, you learn the map, you find pets, and unlock investigations. This is also an excellent way to complete bounties which net you Research Points and Armor Spheres. Green (easy), blue (medium), red (hard).

Every time you spawn back in Astera stop by the Resource Center (place with the woman, elf and dawrf...I think it's a dawrf...).

Make use of the Botanical Center. Trust me.

Take some time to rearrange your item box. It's empty now compared to how it'll be later, especially after Kulve Taroth. You're welcome.

It's okay not to "main" a weapon. It's also okay to have a comfort weapon. Play around with all 14 and see how you do and how comfortable you feel. Some have a heftier learning curve than others. There are plenty of good tutorials on YouTube. The only weapon I can give a full tutorial on is Insect Glaive ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

However! I do suggest you get acquainted with at least 1 ranged weapon for hard to reach monsters like Rathalos, Paolumu, Bazelguese, Azure Rathalos and Legiana. *laughs in flash pods*

Hey, dual blade users, quit fucking doing Demon Dance every chance you get. It's extremely risky as you are locked in a lengthy animation and a monster can easily cart your dumb ass. You also should not do Demon Dance on a downed monster's head if you're in multiplayer. The head belongs to hammers and hunting horn users. You go for the body.

Downed/tripped/KO'd monsters can be divided in 3 parts for attacking: head, body (this includes the wings) and tail. Each weapon is "designated" for each part. To sorta give you an idea: horns and hammers go for the head. Insect Glaive, Dual Blades, Sword and Shield go for the body and/or wings. You can even divide yourselves. One on the back/wings and one in the front so you don't trip each other. Long Sword and Great Sword users go for the tail. Charge Blade and Switch Axe users can go for either the tail or body just asses the situation. Bow, Light Bowgun and Heavy Bowgun don't need to get up close and personal so they can go where they please just be mindful not to shoot your partners.

Hey, Great Sword, Switch Axe, Charge Blade, Hammer and Hunting Horn users. Be mindful of your partners and your upswing attacks. You'll send your partners flying which means less DPS on the monster which is never a good idea. Ever. Unless you're communicating and someone asks for a boost to mount the monster then go ahead and upswing that bitch and y'all can laugh about that successful mount later.

Hey, Hunting Horn users, before you even think about engaging a monster do the Improvement Song on yourself. You're welcome.

Hey, Bow users, you know the Arc Shot? Neat right? Stop fucking spamming that shit! Look, unless you got it set up to get consistent KOs all you're doing is flinching your partners out of their attacks which means less DPS on the monster and like I said that is bad, no bueno. Quit. It. Even if you have it set up right you only throw it when you can get it lined up right so that rocks hit the monster's head.

Hey, LBG users, you know your Wyvernblast? When a monster is tripped, falls over or gets KO'd run up to its head, plant 1 Wyvernblast near it and let your meelee weapon partners go ham on it. MORE DAMAGE!

Hey, Insect Glaive users, you know all those really cool aerial attacks you can do? They're practically useless! Stop it! While pretty and flashy it does less damage than grounded attacks. Aerial attacks are pretty much situational and a bit niche. Don't spam that shit!

Hey, Bow users, yes, you again! Dragonpiercer looks really awesome but you should never do it just because you can. You're locked in a long animation and the monster could aggro you and cart you because you decided to be flashy. There's other reasons not to do the DP because it has less elemental damage but I don't know the math behind that. Find some tutorials on why DP is no good really.

Wanna join a quest? Cool, do not click on "available quests". It's rude, you'll most likely fuck up whatever the host is trying to do and there's a good chance you'll get kicked out anyway. Unless you're in a squad session or someone asks people in the hall to join their quest there's no reason for you to do that. Don't be that person.

If you wanna avoid uninvited guests just change your player limit to 1 so it's just you. Or put a password so no one can come in unless they know the password. Just know that if you change the amount of players to 1 you can't use the SOS Flare.

Abandon Quest will replenish all items you used so if a quest isn't going your way you can use that option.

If you're in multiplayer and you or someone else carts DON'T BE AN ASS CLOWN AND LEAVE THE QUEST. Fucking stay, you never know, you might just make it. 4 is better than 3, 3 is better than 2 and 2 is better than 1.

Please, please, please refrain from making racist, homophobic, rape and other offensive shoutouts. It's stupid af, cringey and you look like a fucking moron. I can't believe it has to be said in the year 2019 but I've seen some really stupid shit.

When in multiplayer please fucking avoid taking every item out of the item box. Each person takes 1 pack of potions and 1 pack of rations. That's it. Everything is shared between y'all and taking everything is a bitch ass move. Share!

Don't be that person that stops in the middle of the fight to carve a tail. There's a good chance you'll get hit by an attack and cart. Do it when the monster leaves the area, is killed or is captured.

If someone mounts a monster DO NOT FLASH THE MONSTERS. If you're a ranged weapon keep attacking. If melee take the time to sharpen your weapon and heal or reapply buffs. Soon as the mounter takes the monster down it's time to go ham on it. You get a few seconds of free DPS as the monster will be down and won't attack.

A lot of people still do this shit and it's caused a lot of carts. Do not flash Lunastra. It doesn't make her fall, it just pisses her off and she spams her Super Nova attack. This is for High Rank people.

Guild cards! Send them to everyone you see but only once. There's an achievement that unlocks once you collect 50.

Need help in the arena but no one wants to help? Go to the Handler or board. Online Session - Search for an Online Session - Filter Search - Quest Preference and switch it to Arena. It can be filtered to find any specific thing you need and chances are there'll be people already hosting sessions to do a specific thing.

If you're trying to track down a monster but the scoutflies are all over the place and you're kinda lost just open the map and close it. That resets them.

You can save builds in loadouts and it saves everything you wear so it makes switching between builds easy. Everything saves. Only got 1 specific decoration that you wanna use for several different builds? That's okay, make the build, save it and then make the other builds. The game itself will remember what you had saved and it'll "move" tat one decoration to the build you equipped. Easy peasy. Though I suggest you wait till High Rank so you can save the good end game loadouts.

You can also make item loadouts and save them. You can also customize the wheel and save it to the item loadout.

There's monster poop in every map. Hoard that crap like your life depends on it because it WILL depend on it during HR when Bazelguese and Deviljho decide to invade your quests.

Investigations are perfect for farming. Need a monster piece? Check your Hunter Notes and see what part you gotta break for it and then start an investigation. Bronze boxes give you shitty parts, silver give you good parts and gold gives the best parts.

Slinger ammo is actually more important than you think. Try to always have some ammo loaded on your slinger in case you need to get a monster's attention, need to stop it from escaping or flinch it after it pinned you down and you need to make a quick get away.

Monsters have weaknesses and resistances. Check what a monster is weak to and use it. Don't go fighting Kirin with a thunder weapon! Remember Pokemon? Same concept.

When you or a partner makes a monster fall asleep stop attacking! You can tell because the monster suddenly stops attacking and the music dies down. This is the perfect time to put some bombs on the monster to do massive damage. When you see a sleeping monster don't touch it!

#monster hunter #monster hunter world #monhun #mhw

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snkpolls · 5 years ago

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SnK S3E17 Results (Anime Viewer Only Version)

The poll closed with 135 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 113 Responses

This episode has received a ton of positive views across the board, and the poll here is no exception. Over 90% of respondents gave this episode the highest possible ranking.

THIS EPISODE WAS SO EPIC!! Got me on the edge of my seat the whole episode. Too many emotions were felt once the episode ended

Loved the pacing of this episode

Best episode of season 3

Damn

The animation was soooo goooood!

Definitely one of the best this season

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 113 Responses

At 36.6%, Levi vs. the Beast Titan is the scene that anime only viewers appreciated the most in this episode. At 25.7%, Armin’s sacrifice makes for a strong second favorite scene. 18.6% of respondents simply couldn’t decide what part of the episode they enjoyed the most.

WHO WAS THE EPISODE’S MVP? 112 Responses

Unsurprisingly, Armin easily took the claim to the episode’s Most Valuable Person, with 80.4% of the vote favoring his sacrifice over the actions of the rest of the cast. Levi came in second with 15.2% of the vote.

WHO’S SACRIFICE HAD MORE EMOTIONAL IMPACT ON YOU? 110 Responses

64.5% of the fandom felt more emotionally compromised by Armin’s sacrifice, although we’re sure the choice wasn’t easy for many. Both characters pulled through with their heroic actions!

WHICH CHARACTER HAD THE BEST “FINAL BLOW” AGAINST THE ENEMY? 111 Responses

At just over half, 51.4% of anime only viewers were most excited about Levi’s final blow against the Beast Titan, shredding his nape open to reveal the human inside!

WHICH WAS THE BETTER ONE LINER FROM MIKASA? 111 Responses

“Annie. Fall,” remains the most notable pre-mortem one-liner from Mikasa among respondents.

THOUGHTS ON WIT CHOOSING TO OMIT ANY MUSIC WHEN EREN TAKES OUT BERTOLT? 112 Responses

78.6% of respondents appreciated WIT’s decision to leave the take-down of the Colossal Titan without any music at all, allowing the viewers to really focus on the moment unfold in front of them. 16.1% of respondents enjoyed the lack of music, but also wouldn’t have minded if WIT had included something. A smaller amount think the moment would have been more profound with something playing in the background.

I didn't notice there wasn't any music

Was still in shock from about Armin so didn't notice

850 YEARBOOK VOTE: WHO HAS THE BEST TEETH? 109 Responses

With a slight edge over the Colossal Titan, the random Redshirt with the… very interesting facial features wins out this category with 27.5% of the vote. The Colossal Titan was in second place, and Eren’s titan ranked in third. Sorry, Zeke. We’re sure Levi would love to rearrange your teeth a bit.

WHO WORE THIS LOOK BETTER? 110 Responses

Reiner wins the most handsome look with 52.7% of the vote. We can probably thank WIT’s quality animation for this one!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ZEKE MEANT WHEN HE SPOKE ABOUT HUMANITY REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER? 112 Responses

65.2% of respondents feel that Zeke was referring to the King’s brainwashing and how it causes humanity to repeat the same history over and over. 22.3% feel that it’s a more broad statement and criticism on humanity in general and how we’re doomed to forever repeat history. 9.8% either lean more on the “time loop” theory or just think we’re quite witty!

The only solution is extinction

The story is an endless circle

humans are stupid? Or maybe he thinks him and his warriors are better than normal humans?

YOUR REACTION TO LEVI VS. BEAST TITAN? 112 Responses

At 71.4%, the overwhelming majority of respondents were super pumped up for Levi vs. Beast Titan and weren’t disappointed. 13.4% felt that everything went relatively predictably without feeling disappointed. 11.6% were simply impressed, and a small percentage felt it was too predictable.

It's beautiful. I've looked at this for five hours now

Levi gave beast titan a nice shave

DO YOU THINK LEVI WILL GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO TRY AND FULFILL HIS PROMISE? 111 Responses

64% of respondents are feeling positively about Levi’s plight and believe he will be able to face Zeke again and see his vow through. 19.8% are slightly less optimistic, believing that Levi will get to face Zeke again, but still won’t come out victorious. 14.4% are certain that he simply will never get another chance to fulfill his promise.

He promised Erwin to kill him, after Erwin’s death I god damn demand the death of the Beast Titan!

Yes, and I have a bad feeling he might end up dying on his 2nd attempt

REINER LOST HIS MEMORY AFTER BEING INJURED. THOUGHTS? 111 Responses

68.5% of respondents went with the more sarcastically worded answer, but feel that he only lost his memory due to the fact that his head was blown off. 21.6% of respondents feel that it’s something that’s going to ultimately affect Reiner personality disorder, and 7.2% feel that the memory loss is simply just a side effect of titan shifting in general.

I didn't notice

I think it will be revealed later

No, this will be momentary

HOW RELIEVED WERE YOU TO SEE HANGE JUMP INTO BATTLE? 113 Responses

The majority of the fandom was relieved to see that Hange is still alive after a couple episodes of not knowing their fate. Bonus points for them coming back in one of the coolest ways!

SASHA WAS INJURED AND RENDERED UNCONSCIOUS. DO YOU THINK SHE’LL BE OKAY? 113 Responses

Nearly 70% of voters aren’t too concerned for Sasha’s fate. 22% don’t want to say either way, and a small 8% believe she’ll be confirmed dead by the end of the arc.

WILL LEVI HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO USE THE SERUM? 112 Responses

The vast majority of respondents are fully confident that Levi will inject another character to eat one of the enemy shifters.

PLOT PREDICTION: Erwin is barely alive but will bleed out soon. Levi has the serum, Eren suggests they use it on Armin, (despite already being dead and not knowing if the serum works on the dead.) Levi gets angry at Eren for this and that leads into the rooftop trailer from S3 Part 1's final episode. When Levi is pinned by Mikasa, Eren steals the serum and uses it on Armin, not knowing if it will even work.

IF SO, WHICH SHIFTER DO YOU THINK WILL BE SACRIFICED? 113 Responses

72.6% of respondents are confident that with Bertolt out of commission, he’ll be the one to be sacrificed should the serum be used. 15.9% believe that it will be Reiner. At third, a small percentage are firm in believing that the serum will not end up getting used for one reason or another.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT ARMIN’S SACRIFICE? 113 Responses

A solid 54% of the fandom were emotionally touched by Armin’s sacrifice, feeling that he went out bravely. 25.7% gained a lot more respect for his character than they had previously, and 15.9% feel very strongly about those who consider Armin to be a useless character. Just a few weren’t really moved by the sacrifice at all.

PepeHands look how they massacred my boy

I'm still traumatized... Armin was my 3rd favorite character and I just... can’t believe it

IS THIS A GOOD END FOR ARMIN’S CHARACTER? 113 Responses

78.8% of respondents believe that this is a satisfying and fitting end to Armin’s character arc. The remaining respondents still want to get something more out of him.

Why did Armin have to go ;-;

Ohh Godd! give us Armin back oh lord! ;-;

HOW DID YOU FEEL SEEING EREN FINALLY TAKE DOWN THE COLOSSAL TITAN? 113 Responses

Nearly half of the fandom were excited to see Eren finally take out the Colossal Titan, cheering on his victory. 33.6% were happy to see it happen and felt it was well deserved. 12.4% would rather give Armin credit for the victory, and a small percentage were either neutral or unhappy with the development.

What did it cost?

HOW HAVE YOUR OPINIONS ON THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS CHANGED?

Naturally, Armin got a huge boost in favorability from this episode, and characters like Eren, Erwin and Levi have also gained fairly large boosts in this regard. Mikasa, Reiner and Bertolt mainly remain unchanged, with a few more favoring Mikasa higher, while Bertolt and Reiner are favored lower. Zeke, the Beast Titan, is the only character who’s favorability continues to move in a negative direction, unsurprisingly so. Yes, we do plan on asking this again after episode 55.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

;0;

Best episode yet

Floch came Clutch

Fucking awesome and hawt 💞😔🥵

Hyped for next episode

I noticed Zeke mentioned some underlying daddy issues. Poor guy's going through a phase... I bet he's about to be seriously grounded

Solidifies it as my favourite anime and dare I say perhaps even one of my favourite shows of all time

very noice

yeet

Thank you for running this poll. I've been looking forward to it every week since I discovered it at the beginning of the season and I appreciate the work you put in to it :)

(Thank you to the person who wrote the last comment! <3)

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 105 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!

#snk spoilers #snk s3 #snk poll #snk polls #poll results

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thegizka · 5 years ago

Text

The Way It Is

Maybe Matsumoto isn’t cut out to be a fukutaichou, but Toshiro wouldn’t know how to be a shinigami without her.

Written for Writer’s Month Day 1: Annoyance.

Note: I do not own any aspect of Bleach.

Read it on Ao3.

Toshiro didn’t like walking the Seireitei streets so late at night. Dinnertime was long past, and the reputable establishments had closed hours ago. Zealous drinking and rowdy shenanigans marked this late hour. He hated having to move amongst the participants. His mere presence could result in compromising rumors, and he had worked hard to maintain his standards and reputation. He would not let his subordinates destroy his hard work.

He found her in a sake bar well into her third or fourth bottle. She usually didn’t this much, but today was a notable date for her. Not that unhappy memories were an excuse for such excess.

“Taichoouu,” she sang when he approached, draping herself upon him in an overly-affectionate hug. He wrestled her off, but she was too inebriated to stand on her own and stumbled against the table. At least she had remembered to address him by his title.

“Matsumoto,” he greeted stiffly, unable to prevent a frown from pulling at his lips. “Your rank demands better from you. I’m disappointed by your behavior.”

“Taichou, don’t say that,” she pouted, reaching for another bottle. He pushed it beyond her reach.

“Enough. I need you alert for tomorrow morning’s squad briefing.”

“Just a little more,” she pleaded. “It’s too early to go home. Midnight karaoke hasn’t even started!”

He debated telling her it was well past midnight and there was (thankfully) no karaoke machine in this establishment, but reasoning with her in her current state was nearly impossible. Reasoning with Matsumoto normally could be a challenge.

“Pay your bill,” he instructed. “It’s time for you to go home.”

“It’s rude for a guy to make the lady pay,” she hummed, batting her eyelids. She was too uncoordinated for the attempt to be anything close to flirtatious. Toshiro’s frown deepened.

“This has nothing to do with me. Pay for your own poor choices.”

“You’re no fun, Taichou,” she grumbled as she rooted around in her shihakusho for her money. “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

He clenched his jaw against a retort. He didn’t have the time or patience to renew this argument with her. He just wanted to get her out of here before she could do anything particularly compromising.

Twenty minutes later, they finally left the sake bar, Toshiro dragging a stumbling Matsumoto behind him. She babbled incessantly as they made their way towards the Squad Four compound. He wished she would sober up so the journey wouldn’t be such a struggle. He was used to working late, but they were pushing his habitual bedtime, and he had plans to wake up early and go over the notes for the squad briefing again. Based on his fukutaichou’s current state, he would need to handle both of their portions of the meeting.

“Matsumoto,” he said sharply, cutting through her account of a conversation she’d had with Nano about getting a haircut, “I really don’t care what you do with your free time, but allowing it to infringe on your job is unacceptable.”

“It’s after hours, Taichou. I don’t have to think about work,” she moaned.

“We don’t have the luxury of not thinking about our work when we’re off-duty. What if a Menos Grande appeared right now? Or more ryoka invaded? Would you be lucid enough to fight without putting yourself and others at risk?”

“You need to lighten up,” she sighed, draping herself across him again. “Not every day is going to end in crisis.”

He tried to shrug her off. He could smell the alcohol on her breath, and it was annoying. Almost as annoying as the piles of paperwork she’d leave on her desk and never finish on time. Inevitably he’d have to pick up her slack.

“Matsumoto please,” he grumbled, trying to support her and push open the entryway to the squad barracks at the same time.

“Okay,” she giggled, attempting to stand up straight and barely succeeding. She stumbled through the door as he held it for her. Her giggles gradually subsided as they walked down the hallway, and he allowed her to lean on him. She had the sensibility to remain quiet until they turned the corner to her chambers.

“Do you have your key?” he asked.

“Why bother with a key when I keep it unlocked?” She swung open her door proudly.

“That’s against regulation,” Toshiro frowned as they entered. Her small sitting room was messy, clothes and papers strewn across every surface. He cringed at the lack of organization and hoped she at least had the sense to keep any sensitive documents safely tucked into their squad office.

“Ah Taichou, you’re so cute when you’re annoyed.” She attempted to poke his cheek but misjudged the movement of her finger and nearly took out his eye. He swatted her away.

“You know what else is against regulation?” she hiccupped as they pushed through to her bedroom. “Having a superior officer in my bedroom!”

He dumped her onto her bed with a scowl.

“I wouldn’t be here if you took your responsibilities seriously. Now go to bed. I’m not letting you use this as an excuse to sleep in tomorrow.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little late for lectures?” she grumbled, snuggling into her blankets. He sighed. Toshiro might be decades younger, but he often felt like the one needing to babysit his fukutaichou.

“Taichou,” Matsumoto called as he turned to go. Her voice was small, and she looked vulnerable curled up in her blankets. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

He heard the unspoken additions in her voice. Not like Shiba-taichou who disappeared nearly twenty years ago. Not like Gin who had defected so recently to follow Aizen. Sometimes he wondered if there was anyone besides him who hadn’t walked out on her in some way.

“No Matsumoto,” he promised. “I’m just going to grab some aspirin. You’ll need it when you wake up.”

He had brought her home like this too many times. He shouldn’t know exactly where to find her aspirin, or which cupboard she kept her glasses in, or the direction to turn the faucet to make the water run cold. Having Matsumoto as his fukutaichou could be frustrating, especially when he kept finding himself in situations like this. But she had been one of his first friends among the shinigami, and in her own way, she seemed to be looking out for him like a strange big sister. He wasn’t sure what his life would look like without her. He wasn’t sure what more he could do to help her besides staying by her side. No, he didn’t plan on going anywhere unless she was coming with him.

When he returned to her bedroom, she was already deep in sleep, face pressed into her pillow, deep breaths whispering against the fabric of her pillowcase. He quietly placed the water and aspirin on her bedside table and slipped out of her rooms. With a sigh, he headed towards his own chambers and much-desired sleep, rearranging the morning’s schedule in his mind so he would have time to make sure Matsumoto got a hearty breakfast. He couldn’t have his fukutaichou struggling through a hangover during their squad briefing, after all.

#writersmonth2019 #bleach #hitsugaya toshiro #matsumoto rangiku #bffs #brotp #squad four

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insomniac-dot-ink · 6 years ago

Text

Whales Aren’t Real, Ch2

Genre: sci-fi, wlw, series

Words: 5.5k

Summary: An Earth Restitution Team goes diving into the ocean to look for what remains of ocean life

The young RT member finds one of the few humans who adapted to the destruction of the planet, she asks her if whales are real or not.

Lesbian soft-apocalyptica.

Support the work:

Ko-Fi ⭐Patreon ⭐ WordPress

Chapters: One, Two (REWRITE!)

tw: for freaky fish and danger

Chapter Two: The Depths

“Do you think she eats kelp?” Remy kicks her feet back and forth, barely scuffing the floor each time as she swings them.

Kel glances at her flatly, “I don’t know.” He looks ready to put his head on the table and fall into a coma.

They sit in a large dark room surrounded by windows the size of trees to their left and plain plastic grey walls on the other side. The sky is black and almost starless beside them. “I mean, not kelp-kelp, but something like that, algae? There’s a lot of algae,” she holds five cards loosely in her hand and says.

“There is a lot of algae,” A distant, watery voice repeats, as if confirming some universal truth. The doctor reshuffles her cards as she stares off into nothing. “So much.”

Dr. Agatha was a petite woman with soft grey curls and deep wrinkles forming delicately around her mouth and eyes. She wore floral patterns that looked better suited to curtains and always had the air of someone lost at the grocery store.

She is their head scientist presently.

“Do you think she found her clothes at like, a Deadciv, can nylon last that long? It looked like nylon,” Remy says with a curious look on her face, “can you sew nylon?” Shang gives a disgruntled sigh and turns to her, “are you going to fold or not Remy?” Remy drags her eyes back to her cards, “oh, uh, nah, three chips in.” The table eyes each other apprehensively, “three?” She nods quickly, “you can all fold of course. I’m happy to just take home the pot now.” Shang rolls her eyes, “okay, she’s definitely bluffing.” Shang pushes his chips forward, “all in.” He gives her a victorious grin, as if it was already over.

Shang was a tall boy with jet-black hair and a mouth that quirked upward lightly whenever he spoke, he was technically the youngest crew here, but he didn’t show it. His clothes were always a sharp black and his eyes followed people’s faces like he was memorizing indiscernible mountains there.

Remy pushes the rest of her chips in too, “Do you think I could ask her about her shiny scale-freckles, is that rude?”

“Remy, I swear,” Shang looks like he might pop a vein.

Kel gives a smooth weary smile, “why don’t you go talk to her?” Remy shrugs, “it doesn’t exactly help that I’m still on probation.” Dr. Agatha chuckles, “your lab work is very helpful though.” “If only it wasn’t so boring,” she mumbles at the ceiling, “do you think she would ever talk me again?” “Can we stop talking about your fish-fiance? We aren’t even supposed to chit-chat with them,” Shang sits up straight and pushes his cards forward, “and I’m calling.” Remy sticks her tongue out at him, “fish-friend, better than a commander-crush.” “Shut up,” Shang almost growls.

“Anybody with a rank and suddenly it’s kiss-kiss, what can I get you?” She teases lightly, Shang turns away. “Five in a row crunchers!” Shang threw his hand down for the table for all to see. “A straight!” Kel frowns deeply and shows his three cards, “three fives.” “Boo,” Remy says as she bounces in her chair, she places her cards down, “four of a kind honey!” She whoops and threw her four tens down with a smack.

Shang pulls at his hair, “oh come on.” “Can’t take down the master,” Remy winks and starts doing her victory dance.

Dr. Agatha looks between all of them, a mystified look reflected in her round owl-eyes, she places her cards down one by one. Remy freezes mid booty-shake.

“Ah,” she whines.

Dr. Agatha nods, “deuces I think.” Remy hangs her head, “ah, come on.” She huffs and sits back down, “you were barely playing.” Remy pouts over her shoulder and Kel chuckles.

“I guess that’s a win,” the doctor pulls the chips towards herself and looks like she accidently walked into a studio and won a free car she didn’t know how to drive.

Kel starts collecting the cards again, “next round?” They all nod hesitantly, it was getting late, but their ‘Poker Crew’ was founded on the fact none of them were great sleepers.

Kel turns to Dr. Agatha, “though,” he hums deeply for a moment and pauses to study her, “you seem a little distracted doctor, anything wrong Aggie?” Remy cocks her head to the side curiously, she hadn’t actually noticed anything different about the doctor’s normal bird-trapped-in-a-warehouse behavior.

Dr. Agatha looks up and purses her lips, a dent forming in her brow.

“Well, first that nickname is definitely wrong,” she says astutely and adjusts her glasses, the table laughs softly and Dr. Agatha drums her fingers on the table. “But… well, it’s nothing much.” Shang puts his palms on the table forcefully, “what is it? I remember you didn’t even freak out when the lab was on fire last week.” “Oh, that was nothing.” Remy and Shang share a look.

Remy clears her throat, “is it the water filtration system? Jennison has been bugging the mechanics about it all month.” Dr. Agatha shakes her head, “no, I fixed that problem, any mico-toxins will now be thoroughly removed.” Shang blinks slowly, “were we drinking micro-toxins before?” “Don’t think about it too hard,” Remy mutters back.

Kel focuses on Dr. Agatha completely, his sunken eyes almost knife-sharp.

“What is it?” Kel asks slowly, “is it for the projects?”

Shang gulps, “is it the Planetsiders? I knew we needed to keep better track of their movements, I saw those blinking dots come close to The Observatory.” “It’s not that,” Dr. Agatha says loosely and Remy tries to catch her eye, try to discern something. Dr. Agatha frowns, “I’m missing vials of plant samples.” “Oh,” the whole table exhales and slumps down a little bit. Remy reaches for her cards. “Maybe check the last place you saw them?” She offers weakly. Dr. Agatha shakes her head, “they are The Shallows, near sector five. The trekker forgot to bring them back.” “Oh?” She had Remy’s interest again.

“Was it Steve?” Shang asks quickly, “it’s always freaking Steve.” “Hush,” Remy puts a hand in his face and Shang tries to snap at it.

“I don’t know,” Dr. Agatha says slowly, “they said there was some water bug anomaly I should see. I thought it would be quite interesting.” “Right, water bugs,” Remy sighs and looks at her two cards. A two and a four, nothing good. “Hit me.” She reaches for another card.

Kel was still watching quietly, “and then what?” He asks in a soft voice and Remy raises her eyebrows. Kel was always the observant one. There was something else.

Dr. Agatha takes a long second to respond.

She doesn’t so much as look up, but instead find the red angry scar marks on her hands very interesting. She plucks at the burn tissue and speaks into them, “when I mentioned it to Coronel Jennison… he said there was no reason to go fetch them.”

Kel’s eyes go a little wider and Remy senses Shang tense beside her, lowering his cards so he can look between them all. A stressed hush covers the table.

“What?” Remy finally asks and they all seem to be focused elsewhere, lost in their own thoughts. “Why should it matter if Jennison doesn’t want some vials back?” Dr. Agatha rearranges the cards in her hand again, “the Council… isn’t very happy with our results right now.” “Oh,” Remy blinks. “Oh, right.” Her stomach drops a little bit and she looks back at her cards, “Right. I fold.” She puts them back down.

Shang makes a face, “Already?” She just nods, “I better make this my last game.” She snaps her fingers, trying to get the attention of the large lump snoozing in the corner near the dark windows. “Come here Delaware,” she calls softly, “let’s get back to my room before the Chiv’s spot you.” Delaware turns over, his large paws sticking up in the air before he pulls himself up and comes trotting over on his big Basset Hound feet, waiting patiently for Remy to rub his ears.

“You’re… turning in early?” Shang comments with a slight annoyed twitch to his eyebrow.

Remy stands up straight and turns to her compatriots, “yep,” she gives a little salute, “I’ll need all the sleep I can get if I’m going to get up early to go get Dr. Agatha’s samples tomorrow.” “Uh,” Shang squinted his eyes at her, “aren’t you on probation?” “Just from official missions!” She sings and Kel shakes his head at her.

“Remy,” he says in a warning tone.

“Don’t worry,” she turns before they can try and talk her out of it, “I’ll take the ship out and be back before Jennison can even get his slippers on.” She waves, “cadets get visiting passes to topside,” she shrugs, “I’ll just use mine now.” They all are still eyeing her, but Dr. Agatha hums deeply, “if you have time, I could use some more gray algae samples as well.” “Can do!” She started to run off with her dog at her heels, Kel is mumbling something about not being paid enough to watch kids and something about reckless abandon.

But at least she knew none of them would turn her in. She gets ready to sneak out in the morning.

-----------------

Remy rubs the crusty gook of sleep out of her eyes and yawns widely, her limbs are rocks attached to her body and her eyelids tug back down. Five hours was not enough. But the train would have to leave the station whether she was well-rested or not. She wipes blurrily at her eyes again and teeters down the second bay corridor.

She turns the corner and her mood instantly drops as she sees a figure standing in front of the bathrooms, Remy internally groans.

“Tara,” she says bitterly and tries to shuffle forward with a nod, “morning.”

Tara was the other cadet on the mission, a certified pilot and trekker that made most everything her business. She was at least a head taller than Remy and had fluffy orange hair that tied back in a ponytail at her back.

Her expression is a remote mask that reminds Remy more of a cold stone wall that actively tried to crash into visitors. Tara doesn’t exactly look at her as she approaches.

Remy tries to slip past the stalk-still girl and make her way into the lavatory, unfortunately for her, Tara had other plans. The other cadet steps in her way.

“Yes,” she says in her flat tone, a smarmy smile filling her face, “morning to you too.”

Remy’s shoulders fall, “isn’t it a little early for you to be Medusa-ing the bathroom?” She makes a face, “some of us need to pee.” Tara shakes her head, “waking up at dawn for once are we?” Tara says slowly and her gaze seems to smack Remy in the face as she examines her.

Remy just nods stiffly, “out for a morning stroll.” She says cautiously and Tara rolls her eyes.

“You can’t just… go on a trekking mission by yourself,” Tara says hotly and crosses her arms over her chest, “it’s ridiculous.” “Were you spying on the monitors again?” Remy puts her hands on her hips, “So uncool.” Tara wags a finger in the air, “it’s against regulation to open the hanger without permission.” Remy scrunches her face up, “I do have hanger permission,” she tries to side step her, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to piss- which I also have regulation permission for.” Tara was being extra difficult this morning and thrusts her arm out to block Remy’s path, “it’s not like it matters you know.” Remy sniffs loudly, “Dr. Agatha needs the samples.” Tara’s eyes go cool and remote, “you really stuff that much cotton in your ears? It. Won’t. Matter. The Council has already made up their mind.” Remy clenches her fists and finally ducks under Tara’s arm, managing to open the lavatory door and turn toward her, “stuff it Tara. Some of us are going to actually do our jobs.” “I’m telling Jennison about this!” She sings loudly and Remy ignores her.

“You do that.”

Remy’s blood was boiling by the time she furiously started to brush her teeth, the poor enamel probably scrubbed clean off as she rapidly got ready for the day. “Doesn’t matter,” she mutters and gargles some water, “already over.” She angrily spit and imagines Tara’s face when she finally meets the whales. That would shut her up, hopefully sooner rather than later.

--------------------------

Remy gives Kel the thumbs up as he enters the hanger control room, he normally wouldn’t go to all this trouble- he liked his sleep and also liked to be in the Observatory’s good graces. Remy has a feeling he’s getting ancy too though.

She bounces around the hanger, picking between different models: the sleek 144-J with it’s speed and agility, the military grade bomber I-22 with it’s fierce density, or even the long-haul ship, Hv-88. The ship for napping in when you didn’t want to be found.

Eventually she just settles on the faithful Wb-77 as Kel bangs on the glass to tell her to hurry up. She jumps into the cockpit and gives him another wild grin as she secures her helmet.

He just presses the gate button and they both watch the thick doors below glide open with an impressive gust of air. Remy holds her breath, she always held her breath at those moments- the moment between falling and flying.

The engine hums and Remy’s fingers dance over the controls, Kel yells something nonsensical at her and she just waves. The horizon calls her as she guns her thrusters into the pale blue skies and takes off.

She whoops into the rising sun, there was nothing else like this.

Remy is still grinning throughout her twenty minute flight to The Shallows, it was a very pleasant day after all and most of the Observatory wasn’t even awake yet. The weather remains a lovely blue when she arrives at the the sandy banks of sandbars.

The samples had luckily been left in a secure box floating next to one of the many metal poles that stuck out.

Remy collects it quickly and surveys the surrounding area, it was as empty as a blank page, not even a Planetsider ship for miles. And for once that was a bad thing.

Remy takes a deep breath, she knew what she needed to do.

She streaks off across the deeper ocean, scanning and raking the waters with her eyes for any signs. The best sign would be a giant shadow underneath the waves, but she would take anything at this point.

Remy’s nerves are almost fried when she spots it, her entire body relaxing as she sees another living being- and just the one she wanted to see too.

She maneuvers a turn near the Deadciv building, gliding carefully around the area- right where she had met the girl before, Remy’s heart leaps. This had to be her sign.

She gently lands the plane a little ways from the ruins and covers herself in protective jelly from head to foot, she had brought her swimming gear just in case. It feels tingly and a little heavy as the adhesive drys.

Remy quickly finishes and makes her way over to the tops of the tall decaying buildings and starts waving furiously, it’s only a little disappointing when she sees no one there.

“Dang it,” she swivels around in all directions, looking left and right for any signs of life. She is cursing and splashing in the water when she turns and faces a sharp spear pointed in her face.

“Are you following me?” The girl, Callisto, had found her after all.

Remy’s eyes light up, “I knew I would find you again!”

Callisto’s lips curl back, “What do you want? I don’t need stalkers.” Remy frowns slowly, “not stalking! Just… finding. Again.” Callisto lowers her spear slowly, eyes still shifty and narrowed, “I was hoping you had a little more common sense than that.” Remy tries to give a winning smile, “me?” She chuckles, “never.” Callisto’s face seems to soften, “I haven’t seen your sea monster or anything if that’s what you’re looking for. I told you before, there isn’t anything here.” Remy snorts, she adjusts her helmet, “it’s a bit of a different venture this time.” She mutters, “are you hunting?” Callisto holds her long sapphire spear up, “yes. And you really aren’t helping.”

Remy swims a little closer to her, “I was actually hoping we’d meet again. Maybe we could help each other!”

Callisto makes a face at her, “I don’t need any… body gunk, or whatever it is you’re wearing.” “Protective jelly! It’s water based,” she sings happily, “and I was thinking of something a little more practical.” Callisto tilts her head to the side, she turns around, “one second.” Callisto starts swimming and climbs onto one of the Deadciv roofs so she can stand up, Remy follows after.

Remy struggles to her feet and realizes how much taller Callisto is then her, she shifts from foot to foot.

“I’m listening,” Callisto says slowly, “but I’ll have you know it’ll have to be good. I don’t go around making deals with Deserters often, it’s…. Dangerous. You must know that.” Remy hums at that and tucks that bit of information away, she grins, “yeah, but I don’t follow the rules, I make ‘em!”

“Okay?” “Yeah,” Remy itches her wrist nervously, “or uh, play with them. Just a little bit.” Callisto shakes her head, “and all to find some giant sea-beasts? There are easier ways to get eaten.” Remy lifts her chin, “whales eat krill! Isn’t that great? They don’t eat people, though I’m sure they could swallow you whole if you’re not careful.” “Alright?” Callisto was still looking at her like Remy was attempting to grow a second head. “Listen, little Deserter-” “You really can call me Remy.” Callisto gives a shallow smile, “You don’t want to meet most things down there, whether they eat ‘krill’ or not.” Remy perks up, eyes going wide, “have you seen living things down there then?”

Callisto rubs the back of her neck, “it’s not like it’s empty. But it’s not friendly either.” Remy dives to grab Callisto’s arm and shake it, “take me!” She begs, “I have my camera, my gear, it’s still only morning.” Callisto’s face screws up into a scowl, “why would I take a stranger to the most dangerous place in the ocean?” Remy sets her jaw, “I’ll trade you, like I said, we can help each other.” Callisto eyes her thoroughly for a moment, “what will you do with the creature?” “Just take a picture,” she snorts, “we don’t have to fight it or anything.” “We would lose anyway,” Callisto says off-handedly, “and these aren’t ‘whales’ though, none of them sing. They’re...” She shivers, “different.”

Remy gulps but lifts her head up, “I’m willing to take the risk, they don’t need to be whales, they just need to be… big,” she looks closely at Callisto, “I just need a guide.” Callisto meets her gaze, “what do you have to offer?” Remy taps her chin, “Money?” “No.”

“Seeds.” “Nope.”

“Tech.” “What kind?” “Water purifiers, air purifiers, hand-held blasters-” “We have those,” Callisto says in exasperation.

“Uh, fresh water?” “Don’t need it.” “Salt water?” She raises her eyebrows, “really don’t need it.” “Labor.” “No.” “Other, kinds of labor?” Remy tries to strike a sexy pose.

“Definitely not.” Callisto just shakes her head and looks ready to take off again, Remy puts her hands up. “Meat,” She says loudly, “dried fruit, medicine, proteins.” Callisto stops in place, her lips tugging down and her large dark eyes turning back to Remy, she looks her up and down, “what kind of medicine?” Remy exhales slowly, “any kind. Shots, penicillin, pain killers, uh,… band aids.” Callisto’s eyes shrink down, “can grunts get access to that sort of thing?” “I’m not a grunt,” she says defensively, “and yes. I have free reign of the medical bay. And I can also get,” she strikes a pose, “sneaky.” Callisto has an almost-smile, “well,” She says loudly, “I do need Xanim. It will be a clear liquid in a large vial, get me at least three.” Remy pumps her fist in the air, “alright!” She doesn’t mention the fact she doesn’t know where or what that is. She figures that’s a problem for her future self.

Callisto straightens her back, “right. I’ll meet you tomorrow at-” “Wait,” Remy focuses on her, “we need to do it today. Now.” Callisto looms over her, “you don’t have the medicine now.” “It’s a promise though,” Remy says quickly, “a huge promise, and you can take like, my shoe as hostage until I get it to you. We just…” She bites her bottom lip, “really need to do it today.” Something wasn’t smelling right at the Observatory, Remy knew she needed data, evidence, and she needed it now.

Callisto seems to consider her for a long, long second, her gaze curving over Remy’s small frame, her choppy brown hair and tight ponytail, the Jelly covering every inch of her body. Remy stiffens slightly.

Callisto lifts her chin up, pushing her long braided hair back, “I want the most expensive thing on your ship. You’ll get it back when you give me the Xanim.” “So you’ll take me?” Remy’s eyes sparkle. Callisto shifts in place, “I make no promises of finding anything.” Remy gives a wide, pleased smile, “no guarantees necessary, just take me to where you’ve seen them before,” she reaches for her camera, “I’ll do the rest.” Callisto shakes her head, “crazy Deserter madness.” Remy just laughs at that, Callisto looks over her shoulder, “you really want to go?” Remy nods enthusiastically, “as soon as possible.” She was technically running on a limited amount of time, Jennison would only tolerate an ‘unofficial mission’ for so long.

Callisto turns toward the dark waters, “follow my rules then. One, I lead. Stop when I stop, go when I go and don’t touch the buildings. Not all of them are sound. Two don’t make a sound, in and out. Three, don’t… flail around, if you see danger, stay still.” She blinks, “and Remy?” “Yeah?” “Don’t get eaten,” she says in her deep grey voice, “I’ll do the rest.” Remy shivers a little bit, if her mother could see her now, making deals with Planetsiders, she would never hear the end of it. Good thing her mom wasn’t there.

She doesn’t have a moment to collect herself as Callisto quickly dives into the dark with a small ripple. Remy jumps in after her with a much bigger splash, the world descends into a thick choppy bleakness.

Lost buildings stand on either side of them and pale streaks of light filter in the water all around them, Remy adjusts her helmet settings so the glass doesn’t steam up. The water is thick with clouds of dank water here and there, but still mixed with patches of clearness.

Remy can’t help but staring: crumbling dark buildings on all sides of her and a profound stillness. Most had large empty windows and concrete walls that were falling into themselves.

Tiny fish glimmer here and there, Remy is sure there must be bigger ones somewhere for Callisto to hunt, but there was nothing now.

She feels a tug on her leg and Remy remembers that she has someone to follow, she quickly turns on her shoulder light and Callisto points toward their feet. Remy turns herself around and starts swimming,

Down, down, down. They sink slowly, using the currents to swim toward the darkness below.

Callisto makes several corrections as they go, leading her first straight toward another tall building and then right and down again, Remy has no idea what this does.

It’s quiet and eery, it helped not being alone down here at least. She focuses on the back of Callisto’s head as the minutes tick by, memorizing the shape of her outline, the sleek limbs cutting effortlessly through the water and long floating hair.

Remy’s heavy air tank helped her sink into the depths, though she wandered how Callisto descended so easily, a swim bladder? Was she denser than other people? Force of will? These questions would have to wait.

The light starts to disappear as they swim against the currents, slowly dropping toward the ocean floor, Remy’s ears begin to pop and she hopes she thought this through enough.

Remy gulps as Callisto drops directly down into the complete darkness. The other girl looks over her shoulder to make sure she’s following and Remy hurries after her, she can just make out that the other girl’s irises then. They are the size of quarters, large and unearthly.

The pamphlets from her schools awareness program comes back to her: No longer human.

Remy pushes that thought away and tells herself to quiet down, she had things to do, she takes a deep inhale of oxygen and lets herself be consumed.

There is more rubble down here, piles of discarded concrete and jagged metal poles sticking up from nowhere, Remy dodges them and keeps her shoulder lamp pointed at Callisto’s back. They were still nowhere near the bottom it seemed.

Remy purses her lips as a thrum of unease goes through her system, she tries to remind herself why she is there: the project, the project, the project. You can’t find whales if there’s no project.

That doesn’t stop the hairs on the back of her neck from standing on end. Nothing is ahead but darkness and the glare of her own flashlight.

She’s staring off at a distant rubble pile when she runs headlong into the back of Callisto, bumping softly into her and being jostled backward for a second. She opens her mouth to ask what gives but then remembers she’s not supposed to make a sound.

Callisto turns to her slowly, eyes sharp and huge in the glare of her flashlight. She mouths something, her lips moving silently to form indiscernible words.

Remy puts her palms up and shrugs at her, she tries to mouth something back, such as ‘what?’ and ‘huh?’

And then she sees it. Something in the bleakness ahead, a sparkle of light just in front of them.

Remy’s eyes go wide, she reaches for her camera around her neck, Callisto dives over and grabs her, shaking her head violently, Remy struggles away. This is what she came for.

Callisto in turn tries to cover Remy’s shoulder lamp with her hands and the world descends into an absolute darkness- all except the oscillating sparkle of light in front of them. Remy’s eyes go wide and she can’t tell if she’s breathing anymore.

Callisto pushes them back, slowly, easily, but Remy knows, she knows something is over there- and she can’t go back now. She lunges forward faster than Callisto can catch her, Remy dodges left and wrenches her shoulder light away from Callisto’s outstretched hands.

The light blares ahead and Remy lifts her camera up as fast as she can, she doesn’t click. The sparkle is a light blue, forming a long electric ribbon in the inky darkness around it, Remy can make out that they are aligned against a long, sleek body, immense and shimmering.

Against her better judgement, Remy pauses to grin, something lived here, something lived! Ancient, bright, larger than a minnow, something colorful and powerful in her flies up from her center toward the sun. It lived. And then the creature turns.

Remy didn’t know about nightmares, she always was the kid that jumped off monkey bars and begged to be told ghost stories at midnight. Remy wasn’t sure what she was seeing now, something primal heaves in her.

It’s face was as big as she was, spiked and covered in flaking scales. It had two sightless white eyes placed against a blunt forehead and misshapen jaw, all leading to a mouth that took up everything else. Rows of teeth stuck up out of its bottom jaw, caught in the gleam of her single headlight.

Remy doesn’t have a moment to scream, the creature’s body lights up, glowing in the dark and tensing to lunge. Remy clicks her camera.

This would have been the moment she felt the teeth dig into soft, puny body and break it in two, the last thing she ever sees. Instead, she feels an arm loop around her chest and violently yank her back and behind a rubble pile.

“Ah!” Remy manages a yelp and tries to take another blurry picture as the thing bobs after them, turning quickly and letting off an electric glow.

Callisto makes some deep sound in her chest, rumbling and fearful. Her whole body clenches and then she’s propeling them off the rock pile, lifting them high into the waters and ‘up.’

Callisto reaches over to wrangle with Remy’s shoulder light and tear it off, but Remy slaps her hand away.

“One more picture!” She gasps, “they have to see how big it is.”

Callisto yells something back and rows of teeth come gasping toward their feet up from nothing, long jagged tendrils ready to rip them apart.

Remy reacts quicker, she yanks at the long spear in Callisto’s belt and jams it forward. The shark-electric creature crashes its nose into the pointy end and a burst of thick blood fills the water.

Remy manages to wrench the light off her shoulder then and drop it. They creature turns and follows the bright glare, it’s powerful tail whipping around to jerk it toward the moving target.

Remy exhales, nothing is left. They are left with a quiet darkness- Callisto holding her around the chest as they fled. The spear and light disappear below them like a dream.

Callisto rises like a hot air balloon (swim bladder?). Remy is light-headed and every part of her is heavy and tense, the adrenaline pumping freely in every vein she had.

She checks on her oxygen tank and then has a sense of utmost relief when she sees the inkling of light up above, she was clutching her camera in her hands. She had made it.

Remy is shaking from head to toe when they burst up into the midday light and gasp for air, Remy collapsing onto the rooftop and Callisto giving a hacking cough. Her legs are boneless jelly underneath her as she tries to stand.

They both take a moment to collect themselves, Remy raking her hands over her helmet.

“Heheh,” she starts laughing, her mouth falling open and a rumbling, manic laughter bubbling up from her center. She rips her helmet off and spits her oxygen mouthpiece out. “Oh my God!” She laughs again and opens her arms wide to the sun, “Oh my fucking God.” She tries to stand up again and fails, spinning around on her knees and praying to some unknown force that protects idiots and sea-dwellers. She whoops, “Callisto!” She calls, “Callisto, Callisto, fuck.” Callisto was covering her face and holding her side, breathing heavily, “you, you,” she heaves and her face jerks up, “you crazy bastard! I should kick your ass.”

Remy laughs again and falls over, “True!” She spreads her arms out wide, “Crazy enough to save the projects though!” She crows, “and you,” she points, “you saved my life.” Callisto growls, “not on purpose.” Remy pushes her sweaty hair back, “you are going to get so much medicine.” Callisto blinks a couple times, “You’re lucky I’m too tired to drop kick you off into The Salts, did you even try listening to me?” Remy sheepishly scratches her nose, “we’re alive?” Callisto shakes her head, she wobbles over toward her and bops her on the head with her knuckles.

“Ow!”

“Crazy bastard,” she mutters, “you’re lucky I’m faster than death himself.” Remy blinks a couple times as she covers her head, “cocky much?” Callisto snorts, “grateful much?”

“Right, okay, I can kiss your toes or something,” she tilts her head up, “thanks. Yeah, thank you.” She flexes, “We made it! Alive and everything.” Callisto exhales slowly, “I’d keep it that way,” she grey eyes go hard, “You got what you’re looking for, you shouldn’t come back.” Callisto blinks a couple times, “but… I will be back? That’s the whole point.” She lifts herself up into the light, “so we can return to the earth.” Callisto’s eyebrow twitches and she seems to clench her fists, she opens her mouth and then closes it. She looks away, “you should get out of here.” She rasps heavily.

“Can’t I give you a hug or something?” Remy smiles, “I can’t believe we made it-” “Get. Out.” Callisto takes a menacing step forward, “or I’ll take your camera.” Remy frowns deeply, “hey, we’re in this together.” She tries to say lightly, “we just fought death himself, remember? And… it will be good. After this.” Callisto growls, “so you can all come back here muck it up again? So you can take our water and food? Get the fuck out of here.” Remy takes a step back, “We’re not like that, it’ll be different this time.” Callisto jabs a finger in the air, “Go. Get your silly dreams crushed somewhere else.” She scowls and spits at Remy’s feet, “no good deserter in the first place.” Remy scrambles away from her fury and hits the ‘Summon’ button her helmet the whirrs the engine alive on her plane. She scowls, “Jeez, stuff you too.”

Callisto’s angry eyes follow her as she backs up and jams her helmet back on, fleeing the scene before Callisto changes her mind about saving her. Remy doesn’t look back this time and swallows her bitterness.

It would be different after this, she would make sure of it- even if Callisto couldn’t see that now.

She takes off back to the white pillar in the distance with a round sphere on top, back to the Observatory and the future she would make herself.

<======= Chapter One

#wlw #sapphic #sci fi #science fiction #writers on tumblr #original story #original writing #writeblr #f/f #my work #whales aren't real #chapter two #I rewrote it I hope it's better now

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lizardrosen · 6 years ago

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Andrew Scott Hamlet (2017)

I'm finally watching the Andrew Scott Hamlet and it's so good!

This post is mostly a liveblog I did on twitter, but edited for reading clarity, and with a few notes I took that I didn’t talk about in my posts.

the watchtower scene is in a security guard room filled with screens, and the ghost makes the camera short out

Andrew Scott is just. a perfect hamlet - AUGH, his bitter laugh at “unmanly grief”. He stays inside while everyone else is dancing on the balcony outside, and sits on his suitcase in the dark. He’s a good sad boy.

and he's FRIENDS with both laertes and ophelia - he and laertes share a genuinely friendly hug before laertes leaves, and then it’s so clear how much ophelia and hamet care for each other, and she holds him as he cries, and cheers him up.

Polonius is a Good Dad, and while most of his advice is stuff he's said hundreds of times before, "this above all..." isn't rehearsed, he really just wants to say what he means to a child he loves dearly

oh cool, i'm loving how they rearranged and merged the scenes here!

Hamlet's "too too solid flesh" merges into him kissing ophelia and hiding behind the couch while laertes and polonius tell her not to trust him, and then he speaks with horatio, and they just miss r&g - he hasn't gone to see the ghost yet, so he hasn't put on an antic disposition, which means claudius was already planning to keep him in line before he gave any cause for it, and I just love how shifting a few scenes changes everything so dramatically.

Hamlet and the ghost: - horatio is so frantic for his friend's safety! but then Hamlet runs to find the ghost anyway. hamlet reaches out hesitantly to touch his father's face and they CLING to each other, then "pity me not." the ghost speaks of his death super fast, as if afraid to dwell on it, then slows as he charges hamlet "taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul proceed against thy mother." But then two minutes after being told not to blame his mother Hamlet goes "o pernicious woman" he's not very good at following directions. and then, poor baby, he picks up the gun and uses it to follow claudius as he walks down a hallway on the security footage.

a very well structured scene!

polonius gave laertes a watch as a parting gift, and then after hamlet makes horatio and marcellus swear, he gets engrossed by his own watch in a way that feels dangerous, and then goes "the time is out of joint" this is a GOOD parallel and i hope it comes up again because DAMN!

Up to Me, by Bob Dylan is just. the perfect song for the transition to act two, i can't handle how well it works with the action on stage - hamlet walking off sadly, then claudius and gertrude being flirty and cute, then hamlet kissing ophelia in the bath and perusing her face

Oh man, Polonius forgetting what he has to say when speaking to Reynaldo is a moment of such stillness and silence that it’s one of the most tense and compelling things I’ve every seen. I was half convinced he was going to have a stroke right there, or that his heart would be what actually killed him in the closet scene later.

When Ophelia tells him about Hamlet charging into her room, he’s super wrong, of course, but he cares for his dauther truly. She deflates when he says “the very ecstasy of love” though, because it’s clear she won’t get any real help there.

ooh, they put To Be or Not to Be before polonius talks to him, not before the nunnery scene. interesting! It’s a fairly common visual trope for Hamlet to be barefoot at around this point in the play, but it’s always fun to see.

Polonius has a mic on him so Claudius and Gertrude can hear their conversation, and all of his asides are whispered into it, a fact Hamlet clearly KNOWS, because “Except my life” is said while mockingly lifting the collar of his teeshirt and whispering into it.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are perfect here, omg!!! Guil is a black woman, and Ros a tallish man, and you can tell all three were good friends. when Guil finally has to say "my lord, we were sent for" you can see on both their faces that this play just became a TRAGEDY. "o what a piece of work is man" isn't a show this hamlet is putting on, he's baring his soul, and ros and guil are literally CRYING for and with him, because they can clearly see how he’s changed. but because they know they have split loyalties they can't come closer to him to comfort him. poor babies! rosencrantz is very proud that he was able to save them by bringing up the Players, and behind hamlet's back, guildenstern mouths "tragedians" and gives him an approving nod when he gets it right. i love them so much, and they're up there with gary oldman and tim roth!

The Player is the same actor as King Hamlet, I’ve never seen that specific double casting, but it’s so perfect! Poor Hamlet trying his best to remember his speech — he’s trying his best and the actual players are very patient with him.

the middle of "O what a rogue and peasant slave" is the first moment when you can visibly see Hamlet lose it, instead of sinking into depression or twisting his own and other's words like he had been up to now, but then he pulls back suddenly and goes "why what an ass am I"

"He asked no questions, and was of our demands most free in his reply." ROSENCRANTZ, you LIAR! 27-3 and you think he might have had the edge?? But as he says this he puts his hand on Guil's shoulder to make sure she'll also keep to that story.

hey ouch, this was one of the most painful nunnery scenes i've ever seen! she's all dressed up for him, but so scared, but she rolls her eyes at the book Polonius has her read. they get a few moments to be cute together before they break up for good and they're just crying, and they KNOW they're being watched. then he laughs at the favors and just drops them on the ground before he walks away, and after she gathers them up and starts to go, he comes in through a different door to kiss her violently and throw water on her face, and everything just HURTS. (the water has a daisy in it!)

Polonius briefly checks that she’s okay but then goes back to talking to Claudius about sending Hamlet to England. Meanwhile, in the background, she’s become fascinated by the daisy. She flinches away from everyone’s touch and stares at nothing, and I really like the clear progression in her, that her later breakdown isn’t just a reaction to one single shocking event, it’s all the slings and arrows that have been aimed at her throughout the play and her whole life.

ALERT, ALERT, HE'S PLAYING WITH HIS WATCH WHILE HE TELLS HORATIO HOW MUCH HE LOVES HIM!!!

(he also says Horatio is "not a pipe for fortune's finger to sound what stops you please," which is a line that's often left out, so i'd forgotten that metaphor was already on his mind)

the rest of the court enters through the auditorium, and sit in the front row to watch the show! and i only just now realized that when hamlet says "and my father died within these two hours" he's speaking ~madness~ but ALSO talking about the length of the play he's in.

The dumbshow is to the tune of One Too Many Mornings by Bob Dylan again, and shows papa hamlet's gonzago’s entire courtship with his wife, and them raising hamlet together and seeing him off to college, which then leads directly into the dialogue part of the play! it's SO GOOD.

The Lucianus monologue is very good, and then Claudius just walks out grimly, and it's presumably the intermission bc the screen goes staticky.

there's been a conceit of a camera following characters around and the image shows up on two sets of screens above the stage, so we get to see the play within the play AND hamlet et al's reaction to it at the same time.

Hamlet talks very fast and impatiently to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern as they try to tell him to visit his mother, and they’re trying SO HARD to connect with him. Interesting that the “My lord, you once did love me” line is given to Guildenstern, but it makes sense for how these characters have been played so far. I’m not at all worried that they did that to make the play straighter, because they do not shy away from the homoerotic subtext. And he pauses and really seems to think about his answer before saying “I do still, by these pickers and stealers.” And the recorder scene is just sad on both sides, everything is SAD

oh DAMN, claudius watches hamlet come into the room with a gun and then does his "O my offense is rank, it smells to heaven" speech, and seems to forget his audience as he tries to pray, and right after hamlet decides not to kill him yet, he stands and smirks and tells him "words without thoughts never to heaven go" and stands with his arms open, DARING hamlet to actually kill him. the last thing we see is his fingers trying to get a grip on the handle, and then a blackout.

if you don't know this play you might think he does it now.

when ros & guil find him he's wiping his bloody hands on polonius's shirt, and during the sponge bit he wrings it out so it drips on the floor. andrew scott is so gooood at this role but also legitimately scary.

and he's been playing with his watch more and more as everything gets more dire, i love this detail a whole bunch.

after hamlet calls claudius his mother, he hugs him and claudius reluctantly returns the embrace. for a brief moment hamlet seems to be seeking comfort here, and then he sniffles and breaks away. "To England" he says as he goes, mocking the accent.

so. ophelia. she's wheeled in strapped into a wheelchair, presumably at a psych facility. mostly she's turned inwards and singing softly, except when she hits her head and screams as if to say "you hurt me and ignored me, but you can't ignore the hurt you make me do to myself." and like. i get it, and i'm mostly glad that it's not the same version of mad ophelia you tend to see, where she's all over the stage and ripping her clothes, but still. it feels icky and ableist and like. fear tactics? shock factor? something like that.

laertes comes in looking truly unhinged -- actually gets gertrude kneeling on the ground with a gun at her temple, before claudius calms him down, and he's jumpy in a way that mirrors hamlet right after killing polonius. poor horatio is the first to come in and gets a gun pointed at him for his it. no one deserves any of what’s happening to them!

but laertes stills entirely when he sees ophelia. ouch.

flowers!

rosemary - the nurse who wheeled her chair

pansies - claudius

fennel and columbine - claudius's security guard

rue - gertrude

she drops the daisy on the ground and turns to laertes to apologize about the violets.

when claudius goes "where the offense is, let the great axe fall" gertrude looks at him sharply because THAT wasn't part of the plan, and he brushes her off with "I pray you"

the Bad Quarto scene with her and horatio is in here, and makes a LOT of sense given that interaction.

gertrude is in the doorway, unseen, as claudius tells laertes the only reason hamlet's not dead is because gertrude loves him so much. and then she's CLEARLY watching for his response when the messenger tells him about the letters from hamlet. i like this gertrude a lot.

(and I’m pretty sure I saw Hamlet being a sneaky boy and passing behind the window right by Claudius, as Claudius is handed his letters)

ooh, hamlet's wearing white and khaki when he comes back from the pirates, and he seems much calmer than he did the last time we saw him.

and laertes is so lost and sad when he says "what ceremony else?"

they're such good foils for each other, i can't stand it!

hamlet seems amazed as he asks "what is he, whose grief bears such an emphasis" and he's not angry when he climbs into the grave, more like he's expecting to be welcomed with open arms, and then he's just surprised when laertes tries to strangle him. when he says “yet have I in me something dangerous” he’s trying so hard to convince himself of this, oh kiddo.

welp, hamlet is no longer calm, as he screams about how much he loved ophelia, and writhes around on the ground. then he stands up like nothing happened and says "what is the reason you use me such?" and sounds so hurt.

some hamlets did not date laertes, but this one SUPER did

Hamlet feels bad about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, but moves on quickly because he feels worse about Laertes, and it’s so painfully clear that he knows what genre he’s in. Osric is just a security guard (and later the judge for the fencing match) with no noticeable character but that works really well for this production, and Laertes has enough going on without having a boyfriend.

“Hamlet does it not… his madness” isn’t him giving up empty excuses, but real sorrow and despair, and maybe he really does believe he briefly became another person. I’m ! So ! Sad ! and oh SHIT, when laertes says "this one's too heavy" here, it's NOT to make sure he gets the poisoned blade but because he was moved by hamlet's apology and is BEGGING claudius to let him off the hook of needing to kill his friend, but claudius shakes his head and so they play.

HEY WOW RUDE!!! the music during the fencing match is Not Dark Yet (also by Bob Dylan) and everything HURTS

laertes FLINCHES and runs forward too late to stop claudius from putting in the poisoned pearl, and then he does his best to fight badly, and i'm going to CRY. hamlet's about to drink when gertrude runs forward with her napkin, then claudius grabs the cup from her and she maintains eye contact and they clasp hands as she drinks. she turns her choke into a laugh, while in the background laertes offers claudius preemptive sympathy. but everything is drawing to a close so he has to commit to hitting Hamlet, no matter his reservations.

the music stops as soon as hamlet is struck, and the brightness of the fencing match returns to the darkness of Act Two, but one by one they rise as ghosts, hand their watches over to King Hamlet, and go into the party upstage. And Laertes and Hamlet exchange forgiveness! it's a soft hopeful darkness though, something horatio wishes to be welcomed into, but hamlet tells him to "absent thee from felicity awhile" and he agrees.

hamlet gets scared for "the rest is silence" then it all snaps back to real time while he convulses in horatio's arms.

The play closes as it opens: with a bunch of news stories about the death of danish royalty.

And the closing credits are One More Cup of Coffee by Bob Dylan, it's so good!

#hamlet #recap #horatio #ophelia #laertes #polonius #claudius #gertrude #death mention #guns cw #this was a really good play!

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poisoned-monkey · 6 years ago

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saiouma exchange for #18

this is my entry for the SaiOuma exchange hosted by @saioumaexchange! i hope my recipient enjoys this! the story is under the read more! (my recipient’s number was 88)

ratings: T (for use of foul language, nothing else tho)

includes: fluff, tooth-rotting cuteness, demon prince kokichi, and more.

I abruptly woke up to find myself on the floor with my left leg tangled in a sheet. I shot an irritated glare over the top of the bed at the lump who had nudged me off the bed. Groaning, I hauled myself up to sit on the edge of the mattress. Only a mop of curly purple hair stuck out from the mound of covers and I pushed back them back to reveal a peacefully sleeping face, a bit of drool leaking out the edge of his mouth and I hated myself for finding it oddly endearing.

Though it was not endearing enough to warrant any mercy from me. I gripped the sides of the blanket and jerked them off in one fluid motion. A loud groan emitted from the body below as he curled his wings and tail closer to himself to conserve heat. Yeah, dark purple wings and a sharp pointy tail. The boy below me was a demon. A high ranking one according to him. It was times like these that made me question how this had happened; how exactly I had a demon living in my house and sleeping in my bed. It made me think back to the day that we met.

-A few months prior-

I sighed as I stepped out of my car and into the darkness. The agency had kept me over rather late because I was behind on some papers that I had put off in favor of solving some of the more urgent cases that had been given to me. It was well past ten o-clock and the night was stiflingly muggy. I immediately missed the air-conditioned car and couldn’t get into my house fast enough.

Silence greeted me as I turned on the lights and tossed my keys haphazardly onto the table. I floated around in the kitchen putting my things away when I noticed I hadn’t taken out the garbage yet. I sighed as I rolled up my sleeves and gathered up the bag. Best to do it now rather than later so I can relax without dreading it. I pulled out my phone, flicked on the flashlight, and headed out.

I wasn’t exactly scared of the dark but I didn’t exactly want to stay in it longer than I had to, so I moved quickly to the side of the house. As I approached it I noticed bits of scattered trash on the ground and warily thought that a raccoon might have infiltrated the can.

That is until I noticed two legs sticking out the side of it. I broke out into a cold sweat as a multitude of thoughts rushed through my mind: the most prominent one being that someone disposed of a body in my garbage can. Until I noticed one of the legs twitch a little bit. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Okay, not a dead body, that was good.

But that left the question of who the hell was sleeping in there? I directed the light towards the lid of the bin and tentatively raised it.

Inside, I found a filthy boy nestled in a shell of purple hair, and what looked like…scales? He was cradling a weird looking backpack like it was his lifeline. He was also indeed very much asleep. His face was slightly turned away from me, leaning into an empty ramen cup.

I looked at him for a minute, really looked, and I could see beneath the dirt was a rather pretty face...but I didn’t dwell on that.

“Hey, um, are you alright?” I asked. I received no response so I repeated myself, that time a little louder. I sighed, reached out and poked his cheek. It was pleasantly squishy. His body stirred, eyes slowly fluttering in awakening. Eventually, a pair of sleepy but vibrantly purple eyes greeted me. The boy’s pupils were slit, almost like a cat’s, or a snake’s…though, I wasn’t able to entertain that thought for too long. The figure suddenly lurched forward, sending trash flying everywhere about the alley behind my house. He began glancing around wildly.

His regard finally settled on me. After a long moment of shared eye contact, he smiled like he knew something I didn’t; which, in my defense, was partly true as I hadn’t ascertained why he was in my garbage can yet.

“You,” he pointed at me with a clawed fingertip, “name?”

“Um, Shuichi? I don’t mean to be rude but what exactly-?”

“Then don’t be!” The boy replied cheerfully with a shit-eating grin as he began to try to unsteadily mount the garbage can. When he finally gained his footing, something black flapped behind him. Wings…like a bat. And a tail? “Feast your eyes, pitiful human, upon the prince of the underworld: Kokichi Ouma!”

Prince…of the underworld? A demon?

“You, Shuichi, have been specifically chosen to be my new underling. You can thank me later.” Kokichi glided down to the ground and started walking towards my front door. “This is your house, riiiiightttt? Well, ours now I guess I should say.”

After the demon boy had invited himself in and cleaned up, he was actually quite striking. He had slight curls of purple to his dark hair, the hue of which glinted nicely off of the scales on his wings as well as the ones that covered his hands, forearms, and legs. His clothes had been tattered and torn so he stole some of my shirts and somehow managed to cut gaping holes into the backs, claiming them as his own.

Once he finished wandering through the house, “checking for enemies” as he put it, Kokichi plopped down in front of the table with a mountain of my snacks and my emergency sweets, which I had reserved for guests, and prepared to chow down.

“Why don’t you have any soda?” he asked through his mouthful of food. “All you have is coffee products. Got a caffeine addiction I should know about, roomie?”

I sighed as I pulled out the chair opposite to him. “It’s not an addiction-“ I paused. “I just like coffee, and besides soda isn’t good for you” I stated, reciting what I say to my friends who are also concerned over the amount of coffee I ingest.

Kokichi rolled his eyes and pointed a tasty cake in my direction. “Soda is good for demons, didn’t you know?” He assured matter-of-factly as I ogled him warily. He laughed a considerably strange laugh. “That’s a lie because I’m a liar if you couldn’t already tell,” he proclaimed whilst shoving the entire cake in his mouth.

I mulled his words over in my mind for a minute before I spoke again. “So, does that mean you’re lying about being a demon?”

Kokichi laughed again. “Think the wings are fake? Too bad! So sad! Not a lie~” He fluttered his wings slightly in response. “These babies are 100 percent real and I can fly farther and longer than your typical, boring demon,” he boasted, looking proud.

“I see…then, if you’re a demon prince why were you in my garbage can?”

Kokichi eyes suddenly welled with tears. “Maybe I like dumpster diving? Y-you shouldn’t judge people’s hobbies, Shuichi!”

I immediately backpaddled and raised my hands to placate him. “I-I’m not judging you or anything! Don’t cry!” and on the drop of a dime his attitude was back to being chipper. He batted his tear-soaked lashes at me.

“You sure know what to say to mend a broken heart, Shuichi! I feel better by just listening to the lyrical tones of your voice~” he mused romantically, then asked, “Anyways, I’m beat so the bedroom is…? Where?”

“Um, it’s down the hall to the right but-“ in a flash, he was gone – “it’s my bed…” I said to the air as I dragged my hands down my face. What the hell have I got myself into?

Kokichi solidly declined to answer any of my questions after that and playfully led me in circles until I finally just accepted that I had a new houseguest for an indefinite amount of time. A guest, for that matter, that refused to listen to a word I said and did as he pleased in my house.

And that was how Kokichi Ouma squeezed himself into my life.

-Present day-

Surprisingly, me and Kokichi settled into an easy routine as the days passed by. And, even though I would never admit it to him, I started to enjoy not coming home to an empty house. Even if Kokichi could be absolute hell to live with sometimes (pun intended).

It had been a relatively rough day at the agency and I wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep. When I opened the door, I expected to see Kokichi in his usual spot by the TV, watching his favorite cartoons that came on at this time, but instead I was greeted by an empty couch and a peculiar smell in the air. It didn’t smell bad exactly, just different.

“Kokichi?” I called out into the house as I toed my shoes off and made my way past the entranceway. I arrived at the door to the kitchen to find Kokichi dancing around to some unknown tune that was playing through his earphones. He was rhythmically stirring a pot full of some neon orange substance with what looked to be little tentacles swimming in it. On the table were sandwich cookies messily shaped into smiley faces with something thick and green leaking out of them. Next to those was a seemingly innocent chocolate cake and oddly enough, that was what had me on edge the most.

I tore my eyes away from the foodstuffs and noticed the kitchen was in utter disarray. Splotches of outlandishly colored goo dripped from the counters, little granular specks intermingling bizarrely with the consistency of the goo. Utensils were haphazardly tossed around the room and the spice rack was going to need rearranging, but it wasn’t the worst mess Kokichi had made by far (I still get nightmares of the laundry room incident). Plus, he was actually trying to cook for a change so I just brushed it off with a tired groan. I came up beside him and plucked an earphone out to speak with him.

Kokichi immediately perked up and tossed me a grin. “Welcome home, Shuu baby, how was work?”

I gave him a weary smile. “Terrible. There were at least ten calls from someone calling themselves Tater Tot that thought we were a Wendy’s. He was refusing to let us serve him because we were and I quote, ‘starch racist’.” I laughed bitterly as I loosened my tie. “And that was the cherry on top of everything else that went wrong today.”

He whistled and turned off the burner on the stove. “That bad huh? Well, I know just what you need.” Kokichi attached himself to my arm and dragged me toward the living room. Plopping me down on the couch, he disappeared in puff of smoke only to reappear seconds later with a bundle of clothes. He proceeded to throw them at my face. “Get comfy, Shuu baby, I promise I won’t look! Might be a lie though, you never know, so change quick!” He added and then zoomed back into the kitchen.

He returned after I had changed with all the food(?) he’d made hovering behind him as he carelessly tossed whatever was on the coffee table into the floor. Clicking his fingers, the food floated itself down onto the table and he clapped his hands, signaling a little puff of fireworks to erupt for the sake of presentation. I should have known at that point not to be surprised but his little magic trick still captured my attention, causing me to give a little clap. Kokichi beat his wings a little with pride as he threw himself down beside me.

“Hope you’re hungry, these are some of my favorite recipes from the demon world and I made them just for you! Best be grateful!” He said, shoving a cookie into his mouth as he reached for the remote. “Now, we are having a movie night because movie nights fix just about any problem someone could have; it’s a custom where I come from to have a movie night for the kingdom every second Saturday to keep the people from revolting.”

As I was about to question the authenticity of that statement, I noticed that the TV antenna looked… mushier than usual? It was a dark pink and was sort of glowing.

Kokichi noticed my line of sight and giggled. “I’m glad to see that you finally noticed that I installed a top-of-the-line antenna from the demon world! It gets like a bajillion channels-“ he paused in surprise- “oh shit! One of my favorite movies is on!” He settled in and cuddled a pillow in his lap as literal stars twinkled in his eyes. “It’s a documentary about these ghosts who fuck with ghost hunters and they can do the littlest thing and the people go wild like, man, humans are so dumb!”

I was about to protest until I felt a pat on my arm. “Don’t worry, Shuu baby, I think you’re an above average human and that’s no lie.”

Above average huh? Well, I suppose that’s as close to a compliment one would get from someone like Kokichi. I felt a warmth grow in my chest.

“Thanks, Kichi, I think you’re an above average demon too.” I laugh as I lean over and bump his shoulder.

Kokichi scoffed and bumped me back. “I’m waaaayyyy above average for your information…but I’ll take the compliment.”

We stopped talking then to focus on the movie and I found that the movie wasn’t half-bad. It was entertaining to listen to Kokichi laugh and comment on the spectral antics on the television. I even tried some of Kokichi’s weird food which was surprisingly not terrible but did leave an odd aftertaste.

Not long after though, the exhaustion of the day caught up with me. Combined with Kokichi’s comforting warmth beside me, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke, the TV had turned to some random infomercial trying to sell- ah…scale polish? I heard light snoring to my side and found that Kokichi passed out holding my right arm and was using my shoulder as his own personal drool pillow. Sometime during the night, he had covered us with a blanket. I huffed out a small laugh as I observed his sleep-ruffled hair and almost angelic snoozing face, save for the pointy fangs gently poking the bottom of his slightly parted lips.

My eyes strayed over to the analog clock in the corner of the room and I realized I had been asleep for a good while, it being three in the morning then. As content as I was to watch the little demon being quiet and sweet for a change, work came early and my body was starting to hurt from falling asleep sitting up. I could imagine Kokichi was not much better off with the weird angle his head was laying in.

I reached over with my other hand and patted his cheek, whispering, “Kichi, it’s time to get up.” He answered with an incoherent mumble. A smile graces my lips and I ask him to repeat that as I softly poked his nose.

He opened one bleary eye. “Tired, carry me,”

I shook my head in amused disbelief. “You can literally teleport, Kokichi, why should I carry you?”

He gave a grin that was equal parts devious and adorable. “ ’Cause you love me, Shuu baby.” At those honey coated words, a flush spread across my cheeks. I was about to offer a clever rebuttal but a pointed finger landed on my lips to shush me. Kokichi, the demon prince of the underworld, repeated, “Carry me.”

I rolled my eyes as Kokichi wrapped his arms around my neck and his skinny legs around my torso like a demonic koala, his tail curling around my inner thigh for extra support. It shocked me how easy it was to lift him despite the fact I was embarrassingly out of shape, but I managed to get him to the bedroom with no major incidents.

Kokichi unlatched himself and stood in front of the bed stretching out his wings and arms. I yawned out a goodnight in preparation to leave for the guest bedroom, but then I suddenly realized he was behind me. He pushed me, causing me to fall on the bed.

I looked up, startled to see him grinning before he jumped into the bed, snuggling in on the other side.

“I’ve decided to share my bed with the less fortunate,” he proclaimed, shimmying further down under the covers. “And not in the perverted way, in case you were wondering.”

I should have questioned why Kokichi wanted to share a bed with me but I was still pretty exhausted, and the thought of returning to the stiff guest room mattress was unappealing. So, I just gave into his whims and crawled under the covers with him.

I settled in as Kokichi scooted marginally closer, leaning his head on my arm and wrapping his tail around my leg. It should have felt weird but I found Kokichi’s presence quite…comforting.

“Hey Kokichi?”

“Yep, Shuu baby?”

“Thank you for doing all this for me today.”

Kokichi snickered and nuzzled harder into my arm. “You’re just lucky you have such a kind superior who actually cares for their underlings.”

“I guess I really am lucky, huh?” I murmured, mind already drifting away. It’s been a crazy experience living with Kokichi, the supposed prince of demons, but I know one thing for sure: I’m glad he came to live with me. I’m happy he’s here even if he won’t tell me why.

With those thoughts I drifted into sleep, unaware of the secret kiss Kokichi had planted on my cheek.

“I’m glad I picked you, Shuichi.”

author’s note: you’ve reached the end! thanks for reading uwu

#@saioumaexchange #saiouma #shuichi saihara #fanfic #kokichi ouma #ndrv3 #danganronpa #demon prince au #also #fluff au #they love each other #:333 #my fanfic

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elleberquist6 · 6 years ago

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Believe in Me - chapter twenty-five

Summary: Dan Howell is living at home while he’s saving money for college, which isn’t easy since his parents don’t understand him. Unlike them, he loves dogs, is a vegetarian, has no interest in the family business, and he despises the supernatural. He struggles to accept things that are illogical, even though he is a kitsune. Kitsune are foxes whose powers involve the ability to cast illusions, but Dan just wants to be normal. Phil Lester has just moved to London, where he works as a dog walker. When his path crosses with Dan, Phil is eager to get to know him. Unfortunately, Phil soon finds that being friends with Dan is far more complicated than he could have imagined.

Rating: Mature Word Count: 2178 Warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

—

Kitsune fact: Foxes have a sort of informal class system. At the bottom are the babbling, lunkheaded would-be tricksters… At the top are the graceful, elegant scholars and scholarly maidens whose sophistication makes human scholars' heads spin. This is truly an unwritten rule because no fox story ever juxtaposes, say, a rice-thief fox with a scholar-fox, and no character, fox or human, ever alludes to a class difference between foxes, but it's clear in the way different foxes are characterized. [http://academia.issendai.com/unwritten-fox-rules.shtml]

~ 4 days ~

After Martyn’s birthday, they caught an early train to London and were home before 9am. They stopped at Dan’s house first since he had to get dressed for a shift at the coffeeshop. Phil had planned on being exhausted from travel, so he had used another vacation day, and he flopped on Dan’s bed while Dan pulled on his work clothes.

As Dan’s head popped out of the top of his black polo shirt, he smiled at Phil while he adjusted his hair. “If you’re tired, you can take a nap or just hang out here for a while.”

Phil held out his hand waiting until Dan took it. He pulled Dan closer and stole a quick kiss before saying, “Thanks. I think I will. I miss you already, so come back soon, please.”

Dan leaned in to give him another quick kiss before saying, “I’ll be back soon. I miss you, too.”

Phil wrapped his arms tighter around Dan’s waist, holding onto him until he got one last deeper kiss. Then he rested his face against Dan’s neck, feeling the warmth of him and inhaling his scent. He sighed against the skin and murmured, “Don’t go. I want you to stay here so that I can hold you.”

Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair. “I want to stay so that you can hold me. I really do, but if I don’t leave now I’ll be late for work.”

Phil released him, and Dan took a step back; he was giving Phil a concerned look. Phil thought he knew why – lately, Dan was the one who was needy, while Phil comforted him. Just now the opposite was true. Phil forced a smile onto his face. “I hope you have fun at work.”

Dan snorted, but he no longer looked as concerned. “That’s not likely. Okay, I’ll see you for dinner once I get off?”

“Yup, see you,” Phil said, still holding the smile on his face.

Once Dan left, Phil leaned back in Dan’s bed with a sigh. He couldn’t fall apart like this, not when Dan needed him. They were both keenly aware of the fact that Dan’s birthday was in 4 days. It had been a while since they talked about it, but he still knew that Dan was terrified and convinced that his life as he knew it would be over on that day. Phil had promised him that everything would be okay, but Phil was having trouble convincing himself of that now.

After spending the last few days loving Dan and being loved in return, it somehow seemed like they both had so much more to lose if the worst happened when Dan turned 21. But, no. Phil couldn’t think like that. Everything was going to be okay – he had told Dan that it would, so he had to believe it, too. He had to stay strong for Dan.

Phil had just closed his eyes, deciding that napping in Dan’s bed sounded like a good idea, when he heard a voice, “Oh, it’s you.”

Phil opened his eyes and sat up in bed. “Adam! Good to see you.”

Adam smiled and sat on the end of the bed. “I forgot why I liked you. Most people aren’t happy to see me. Did I miss Dan? I came to welcome him home.”

“Yeah, he just went to work. I’ll tell him you dropped by. So, what have you been up to?”

Adam shrugged and looked at an empty corner of the room. “Not much, tbh. I hadn’t realized how much my life revolved around my brother, not until he went on a trip with you. I don’t really talk to anyone besides him. I used to have friends, but none of them knew that I was a kitsune, so it’s impossible to explain to them or anyone else why my life is like this now. Dan is all I have.”

Phil wished that he could reach out and touch the spirit, but he settled for a reassuring smile. “You have me now. I’m your friend, Adam.”

Dan’s brother smiled. “You’re sweet. Thanks. I’m glad Dan found you.”

Phil hesitated, since there was something he wanted to ask, but this hadn’t gone well the last time. However, with Dan’s birthday drawing closer, he had to ask now. “Adam, could I talk to you about what’s going to happen on Dan’s 21st?”

Adam smirked. “I thought you might say that. So, your museum plan didn’t go well, I take it?”

Phil’s cheeks flushed. “No. You were right. That was a dumb idea anyway. So, I just want to know more about what’s going to happen on Dan’s birthday so that I can be there for him.”

“Sure, I might be able to help a bit,” Adam said with a nod. “Oh! But maybe we should find Grandma. She’s the smartest person I know, so there are probably things that she could explain better than me.”

“Sure, sounds great.”

Adam led Phil through the house, and they found his grandmother in the kitchen, where she had been sipping coffee while reading the newspaper. After Adam explained that Phil wanted to know more about kitsune, she picked up her coffee and led them to a room that Phil had never been in before – it was a cozy library cluttered with books.

Elspeth placed her cup of coffee on a desk and she started pulling books from the shelves. As her fingers traced contemplatively over the spines of the leather-bound books, she said to Phil, “These contain everything we know. What exactly were you hoping to learn?”

Phil shifted uncomfortably. All he wanted was for her to reassure him that Dan would be okay, but he asked, “What are the different things that Dan could become? He’s convinced that it will be something bad.”

“Hmm, this book I think…” Elspeth said as she pulled a book out of the stack. As she flipped the book open to the first page, Phil read:

The Transactions of the Asiatic Society of Japan/Inari:

Its Origin, Development, and Nature

By: Rev. D.C. Buchanan, M. A., Ph.D.

December 1935

Elspeth flipped open to page 34, and she started reading aloud:

Fox Names and Grades

The following are some of them:

Kitsune( 狐 ) The Ordinary name for "fox".

Byakko( 百狐 ) "White Fox"; the tutelary diety of Inari.

Genko( 黒狐 ) "Black Fox", whose appearance like the "White Fox" is a good omen.

Shakko( 赤狐 ) "Red Fox"; also a beast of good omen.

Kuko( 空狐 ) "Air Fox"; the same as "Tengu" (goblin) and exceedingly malevolent.

Reiko "Supernatural Fox"; a powerful demon, exceedingly clever at bewitching men.

Tenko( 天狐 ) "Celestial Fox"; who flies like a bird and may be a "Tengu".

Koryo "Haunting Fox"; who delights in bewitching men.

Yakan "Field Shield"; the most harmful and haunting of all foxes.

Yako( 野狐 ) "Field Fox"; the lowest grade of fox.

Yorikata "Assistants"; a grade higher than "Field Fox".

Shuryo "Chief"; highest rank of fox.

Nogitsune “Wild Fox”; not really considered evil, more like prankish.

Phil did his best to listen, but he shook his head as he became even more confused. This wasn’t really what he needed to hear. He needed to hear about Dan. When Elspeth looked up from the book, Phil caught her eye. Phil said, “Um, could I ask you something different?”

Elspeth closed the book, smoothing the cover under her hands – Phil focused on her hands for a moment. She wore several large silver rings that were set with gems, and her nails were carefully trimmed. Her hands weren’t exactly beautiful, though. The knuckles were large and the backs of her hands were veiny. She had the hands of an old woman, and that comforted him – she looked wise. She asked, “Of course. What would you like to know, sweetie?”

“I’m not really familiar with any of the terms you’re using. Could you just tell me about Dan? Like, what is going to happen to him? He’s just going to wake up on the day of his birth with a different personality, based on whatever kind of kitsune he’s become?”

“No, he won’t just wake up like it. I woke up completely fine,” Adam answered, and he waved at his transparent body. “This happened to me in the late afternoon of my birthday.”

“It was at his time of birth,” Elspeth interjected. “The exact hour of his birth. He started feeling odd, we told him to sit down, and then he faded before our eyes.”

Phil gave Adam an apologetic look, and then he nodded at Elspeth because he finally felt like he was learning something important. He asked, “So, do you know the hour of Dan’s birth?”

“Yes, he was born just after midnight.”

Phil nodded. He wished that Dan was born later in the day like his brother, since that would give them more time. But something that Dan said made even more sense now: he wanted to spend the nights before his birthday in Phil’s arms. Now Phil knew that they would be lying in bed when this thing happened to Dan, right after midnight. Dan would be lying in his arms, and there was a chance that the last thing he would ever feel would be Phil’s arms around his body.

Elspeth was looking at the books again, glancing at the covers while rearranging them on the desk. Finally, she looked up. “Sweetie, I’d love to help you some more, but I’m meeting a friend for lunch. If you have any more questions, feel free to come find me later. Until then, you’re welcome to look through my library.”

Phil hadn’t been sure what else he wanted to ask her, so he thanked her as she left the room. Then he took her chair behind the desk. He looked over the covers of the books, unsure where to start. He glanced at Adam, who was drifting around the room, staring at nothing. “I don’t know where to start. Any advice?”

Adam shrugged. “Not really. I’m not into this stuff. I think I’m going to go, too.”

“You’re bored?” Phil asked with a smile. “Okay, I’ll see you later, Adam.”

“Later,” he said as he drifted through the door.

Phil read for a few hours before deciding that he needed to rest his eyes for just a moment, so he pillowed his cheek on the page he had been reading. Before he closed his eyes, he noticed something odd about this book. A handful of pages had been ripped out of the section he had been reading. Who would do that?

Someone shook his shoulder to rouse him. Phil blinked his sleepy eyes, realizing that he must have fallen asleep. As he sat up he straightened his glasses on his face and saw that Dan was waking him up. Phil smiled at him. “You’re home.”

Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair. “I am. I’m hungry. Do you want to get something to eat?”

A few hours later, they were lying beside each other in Dan’s bed. Phil was running his fingers idly across Dan’s body, but Dan was distracted. He said, “Phil… about the books you were reading today…”

Phil sighed. “Yeah, I didn’t understand a lot of it. It’s hard to read an ancient Japanese myth and put it in the context of you and me.”

Dan rolled onto his stomach and shifted until he was lying across Phil’s chest. He murmured contentedly as Phil wrapped his arms around him, and Dan spoke softly against Phil’s neck. “Don’t, then. Don’t try to put us in that context. I want to just be you and me, not a kitsune and a human.”

“Okay. We’ll be you and me, then. Dan… about your birthday, tell me if there’s anything you would like me to do.”

“Thanks.” Dan snuggled closer. “I told my manager that I couldn’t work on the day before or the day of my birthday. He was mad since I just used time off, but I insisted. It’s not like I can work anyway if I’m going to become a spirit on my birthday.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Phil…” Dan said as he ignored what Phil had just said. “Will you spend the day before with me? The whole day? I’m scared and there’s no one else I want to be with on that day. Just you.”

“I’m going to be there,” Phil insisted as he placed a kiss on Dan’s head.

#phandom #phanfiction #dan and phil #dan x phil #kitsune #magical realism #illusion

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