#and only made up my mind about the actual ranking as i was writing it

[neowinestainedress]

wave | lee donghyuck

pairing: lee donghyuck x fem reader genre: college au, academics rivals to lovers, kinda fake dating, forced to work together on a project, smut, fluff, humor (idk), music major!haechan, music major!mc | not really requested but thank you 💌 anon for the inspo summary: your indifference toward Lee Donghyuck, also known as Haechan, becomes rivalry when he decides to sabotage you. The battle turns into a war, the war turns into a plan, and the plan, well, the plan fails miserably... or succeeds wonderfully. After all, it’s all about points of view. Or, Haechan thinks he found a way to distract you and be better than you, but doesn’t think it thoroughly and screws it up. warnings: smut, mentioned weed consumption, alcohol use, fingering, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, public sex, jealous sex, bickering, teasing, etc | inclusivity notes: reader wears different hairstyles (no mention of texture, type and color), no mention of body type (but haechan lifts her a few times), no mention of skin color, no use of y/n wc: 22.4k (out of 42k)

a/n: finally i’m back! i started this fic more than a year ago so seeing it finally come to life means everything to me. i had so much fun writing it, so i hope you’ll love it too. please, let me know with comments, reblogs (that also help reach more people), or anon. i love knowing what you think. enjoy! also if there are formatting mistakes please let me know cause i’ve been having problems posting this and i copied it without editing it once again.

masterpost (with visuals and playlist) (i can’t post the link or else the post doesn’t show up in the tags, but you can find it on my profile)

Being number one in your academy isn’t a want, but a need.

You didn’t spend your entire life crafting your skills and splitting yourself between the books and the training room for all of that to be swept under the rug when you finally made it to your dream university; Neo Arts Academy.

Surely, with the prizes promised to those on top, you aren’t the only one with that racing passion to drive you through each day. Tons of people try their best, and even put their health at risk to reach the biggest success, but you manage to focus on yourself and keep your life in a pretty healthy balance.

You managed to focus on you… until something, well, somebody, started to come into your way.

Lee Donghyuck, also known as Haechan, his stage name —if he ever made it big in the industry he wanted to be already known.

You never paid him much attention. Honestly, you never paid attention to anybody, your only goal was to take care of your small garden and top everybody else, but when his competitiveness got the best of him, you just couldn’t push him in the back of your mind.

Apparently, his goals are the same as yours, and that isn’t a nice thing considering how competitive your world is. You first truly glanced at him during a songwriting lesson, when he huffed a bit too loudly behind you while he announced to his friend, probably named Mark, that he sucked at writing songs. However, you only chuckled mindlessly that time and went on with your day.

That was your first year there and everything went fine. Then the second year arrived and you applied for your minor degree in dance and that was when Donghyuck’s presence started to be louder. You had nothing against him, but you quickly learned he couldn’t stand you for some reason. Rumours were quick at flying around, being passed from mouth to ear and you knew them.

You simply couldn’t care.

Yet.

Haechan doesn’t hate you. He could never do that. After all, he doesn’t even know you. But he does know something about you. He knows your name, and how it is always on top of his in any ranking. He knows you will always win the contests he wants to win so badly. He knows you are good at theory and practice. He knows he just can’t win with you.

He also knows nothing can touch you. Not because you are unreachable and believe you’re superior to others. Actually, you are very modest about all your academic success, but you always walk straight on your road with the goal perfectly in the line of view.

Haechan doesn’t hate you. Though, lately, he has a strange feeling in his body every time he sits at his desk to study and his only motivation is to surpass you. Nothing different than the first months there, he got pretty soon you were going to be a tough but nice competitor, but fuck he never imagined you would be so hard to beat. Now that after a year he never won or got the top grade and always came second after you, you aren’t motivating him, you are driving him insane.

He doesn’t have many distractions, but he has friends, some hobbies outside of university, and even a part-time job. But you? Is there something that is distracting you? Is there anything that could distract you? He has no idea, not now that he is watching you walk into the room, ready for the classical ballet history class —yes, of course out of all the minors, you had to choose his— and sit a few rows in front of him, all alone as always, taking out your lilac book note and your pen.

Haechan has no idea, but he is going to find out something that can easily distract you and push out of your path.

You know people think of university as a moment to socialise, but being on your own has never been a problem for you. You have contacts with some of your hometown friends, and most importantly, you don’t mind doing things alone; you can go to the cinema when you want, you can pick whatever restaurant you like, you can take a walk, or stay at home.

You’ve always been comfortable in your bubble, and you’d like to keep it that way, but life has strange plans.

“Damn, always on a rush.” You recognize Haechan’s voice, but you don’t bother turning around because you’re sure he’s not addressing you. You think it’s weird he’s sitting next to you, but you blink the surprise away and grab your tablet from your bag. “Whoever put music theory at 8:30 in the morning on a Monday needs to go to jail.”

You chuckle at his comment, subtly rolling your eyes before opening the note app to go where you left it in the previous lesson.

“You write a lot.” This time you’re quite sure he’s talking to you, so your neck turns to look at him and you find him closer than you’d like him to be.

“I annotate, it’s just the essentials.”

He scans the notes quickly before scoffing. “The essentials? I don’t write as half as that.”

“Well, I think this is essential, but we all work differently,” while you’re answering him, you don’t even notice that his friend is not beside him, and you get lost in him for a second, mostly in the scent that’s filling your nostrils now that his brown jacket is so close to you.

“The professor talks too fast, how the fu— how do you get everything?” He stops himself from cursing and backs away, finally making you breathe some air that is not filled with his intoxicating perfume.

“I rewrite phrases. And, to be sure, I record the lessons, so I can re-listen to them in case something doesn’t make sense when I study them. And then I also re-write the not—”

“You record the lessons?” He almost snarls with his eyes bulging out of his skull as he, once again, stands too close to you.

“Is it illegal?” Your head tilts to the side as genuine curiosity blooms on your face.

“No, it’s… it’s…” he sighs, throwing his head back and cursing something under his breath in a tight dialect you don’t recognize. “I never thought about it.”

“Oh, well, it helps me a lot. Sometimes when I’m too tired to read I just play the lessons and memorize stuff while I do other things,” you smile, moving your hair to one side of your neck before grabbing the pen when the professor walks in. “You should try.”

“Oh, you can be sure I will.”

Haechan can’t be so stupid. He can’t believe he can be so stupid. Why didn’t he ever, ever, think about that? That’s a smart idea, better than crying and cursing when he tries to understand what he wrote down on paper when he revisits the notes, or asking Mark if he wrote some phrases he had marked down with several question marks or dots to fill —dots that he never fills.

But he’s still sure he can’t be a terrible student, he had always been on top of his classes, always aced them and his study method worked… but what if yours worked better? Given the results of the past year, and the start of this one, the answer is clear: yours do work better.

But he doesn’t think that it’s the only reason you are beating him in everything. What if you have other tricks?

Haechan is going to find out.

You always believed your only competition was yourself. You never liked to engage with other people and fight them or fear them. But Haechan had given you no choice.

It was an open threat at you when he purposefully told you a different day to turn in an assignment when you were sick, you had no choice but to fight back.

That was when Haechan truly became your rival. He had always been, you two were always at the top, fighting for the first place and the big prizes, but now it was a matter of pride.

Haechan had officially made it on top of your blacklist, at least he could arrive number one in something, not like there was a big competition to be in there, in fact, you didn’t even have one before he pushed your last nerve.

Fucking it up with you wasn’t Haechan’s plan, he wanted to befriend you and trick you into giving him some magic tricks, but things went… wrong. With Mark by his side, it was impossible to sit next to you. During songwriting you got up and sat on another seat in the middle of the lesson with the excuse of ‘not seeing from afar’, and he couldn’t approach you in any other circumstances. So, when you got sick for three days, he thought he could, for once, steal your spotlight.

He wasn’t sure you were sick, but he was sure enough you weren’t going to miss lessons days to study or work on projects; you never needed extra time, unfortunately, he knew it well. So the only thing that could lock you in your place was an illness of some kind. He did feel bad when you came back four days later and asked him if you missed something, he could see you still weren’t at your best, and he could’ve tried his luck by telling you the truth, hoping that the precarious state you were in was going to make you come up with a terrible essay on an instrument of the 18th century, but his eagerness got the best of him, and he lied.

So he had officially screwed his plan of getting closer to you.

“You are an asshole,” you scream, slamming the books in front of him on the table in the garden, not caring about his friends staring at you in shock. “And don’t look at me with that face of ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ because you know what I’m referring to.”

“I don’t, though…” he whispers, trying to keep a distance between you because you look scary —half bent on the table, furrowed forehead, pointing finger— and he thinks you are very motivated to reach over his neckline and strangle him.

You roll your eyes, groaning in annoyance. “You told me Professor Kim left an essay for Monday, I thought I could use the weekend to do an amazing job and he called me to his office because I was three days late.”

Haechan gulps, and the table goes silent, you feel his friends’ gazes on you but they are the last thing in your mind.

“Mind to explain?”

“I… I didn’t do it on purpose?”

“You have to ask me if you are an asshole because your mother didn’t put a brain in your skull?”

“Hey, take it back!” He warns with a pointing finger, glaring at you.  

“No,” you retort, crossing your arms on your chest and standing up straight. “You sabotaged me.”

“You are making things up. Maybe you should be in the creative writing major,” Haechan taunts, a shit-eating grin on his face.  

You gasp offended, clenching your fists to avoid wrapping your hands around his neck. “You — you — ugh,” you huff. “This paper was graded! And you knew it, it’s part of the mid-course work he adds to our final grade. Why would you do that to me?”

“You think I did that on purpose?”

“When did you turn it in?” You ask and when his eyes widen you scream at his face. “See! You turned it on time. I fucking hate you!”

“I didn’t answer,” he tries to defend, a challenging edge in his voice, getting to your nerves more than the look on his face.

“First of all, I can see it in your face. You’re trying to look surprised and even scared, but you’re having the time of your life because, guess what, you can’t surpass me if you don’t play your stupid games.”

He snorts offended, gulping before leaning closer. “You think I can’t beat you?”

“It’s not what I think, it’s what the rankings say, it’s what our professors say, and it’s what all the external opportunities I’ve got say. But if you want to try to prove facts wrong, bring it on,” you shrug, grabbing your things and taking a step back. “No more dirty games from now on, Lee Donghyuck. Trust me, you don’t want me to start playing them too, you might not even see the top three if I do.”

The months to come are fire. You should keep minding your business but as soon as he opens his mouth in class you can’t press your lips together and fake it. You try, every time, but you fail.

“I just mean that the melody is what attracts people,” he argues during a discussion in the songwriting class.

You huff, shaking your head. “People care about the lyrics more.”

He scoffs loudly and the professor glares at him for the reaction but he still goes on. “People won’t listen to a song if the production sucks.”

You turn around, eyebrows pressed in a furrow. “And they won’t listen to a song if the lyrics are dumb, or tell a bad message.”

“Really? Catchy pop music is a thing even if you want so badly to maintain the purity of the art of music with only lyrical depth.”

“I love catchy pop songs, but there’s something objective in music and something subjective, if you paid attention to any of our classes you should know, right?”

The class holds back a laugh and the professor coughs, making you utter an apologize, more addressed to her than your enemy.

“Oh, trust me, I paid attention to class,” he retorts, mockingly smiling at you. “And we’re not talking about the quality but the appeal. People remember the rhythm of the song or the tune more than they remember the words.”

“And words can hold so much meaning for someone they will stick to them forever. Also, lyrics can have different interpretations and if you’re a good writer you can make one song fit for more occasions.”

“That’s dumb,” he says, looking at you up and down after scoffing. “Notes can transfer different emotions, what you said just doesn’t make sense, please.”

“Can we tone it down?” Professor Park warns, glaring at the both of you.

You nod and mutter another apology before speaking up again, “I believe that a good melody can easily attract people at first listen, but if we talk about the long run, a memorable song also needs good lyrics. And Mariah Carey herself said how being a songwriter makes your career last more, so I think it’s telling coming from one of the best voices ever.”

“I think you both make a great point,” the professor cuts the conversation off before you can jump at each other’s throat again. “It would be interesting to make a deeper analysis and maybe break down songs and compare data over time. If it was possible to keep the decorum…” she whispers the last word and you want to disappear because you hate the scene you gave. “But we need to move on with our lesson, so, as I was saying…”

Out of all the heated discussions you had in class, the one about the importance of production and lyrics, led to your worst nightmare, working on a project with him. Professor Park was so nice to pair you together because she wanted to see how your different points of view would’ve worked in the song you had to write and produce and even if you smiled and said, ‘it will be really motivating,’ to avoid yelling at her face, now you want to die.

You’re sure the first two knocks on the door don’t even reach the other side; your hits are too weak and the small apartment in that complex is too loud for anyone to hear. Is this the environment you have to work in today?

You roll your eyes and knock again, this time making sure it’s impossible for them not to hear you. You wait there only for a few seconds and then the door opens, revealing a boy your age you can’t remember.

“Oh, hi,” he cheers, big toothy smile beaming at you. “You must be here for Hyuck, right?”

You hum, nodding and murmuring, “Yes, I have to work on a project with Haechan.”

“Come in.”

You step inside the house and look around briefly before your eyes fall on the table in the small living room; there are books everywhere, headphones on the ground, boxes of food and empty water bottles, and most importantly talks too loud for four boys that were supposedly studying.

“Mark, can you lower the music?”

“Music is what I’m studying, I can’t,” the man you know well replies. “Why don’t you keep your pencil close to you? Jesus, there’s graphite everywhere.”

“You’re so annoying, I can’t go in my room, Jeno still didn’t take down the light boxes,” the brown-haired replies, sending a death glare to the boy at his side who quickly replies to his defence.  

“Hey, I finished shooting half an hour ago and now I have an essay to write, leave me alone.”

“They’re entertaining, aren’t they?” Haechan’s voice brings you out of the haze of his bickering friends, their conversation fades in the background while your anger level rises just seeing his face when you turn around.

“Surely more entertaining than you,” you retort before taking a step forward, pretending to know where to go in that house.

Haechan rolls his eyes, thanking his friend who opened the door —Jaemin— and coming next to you. “You don’t know where my room is yet, so if you’d like to follow me.”

You trail behind him, waving at the men around the table but it’s clear that none of them even noticed your presence. Luckily for you, Donghyuck’s room is at the end of the corridor and the mess that goes down in the other room is not hearable enough to make your day a living hell.

“So, do you have anything in mind?” He asks after you sit at one of the chairs at his desk.

You shake your head, fixing your skirt and pulling out some things you might need from your bag. “Wanted to hear from you first. Since the melody is so crucial, we should start from that,” you mock in a fake-sweet tone, and you feel his glare on your skin.

“You truly are a pain in the ass, you know?” He scoffs, moving his hair out of his face, gaze fixed on you.

“And for what? Because I agreed with your theory?”

“If you have a melody in mind it’s easier to make the words flow.”

“If the melody has nothing to do with the idea, you only have some notes and not a song.”

Now that there aren’t rows of chairs dividing you, the heated argument has led you face to face, literally. And you feel your heart pound in your chest from the anger and, also because it’s weird to be this close to a stranger you can’t stand.

“Okay, Miss Taylor Swift, why don’t you enlighten me and show me what you got?”

You glare at him but he’s unfazed, holding the eye contact proudly. “My lyrics will be better than your production.”

“And are those lyrics in the room with us?”

“God,” you groan, throwing your hands in the air and your head back. “You drive me insane.”

“And you are pretentious and still never prove all the things that that little, bratty, annoying mouth of yours says.”

Deep creases show on your forehead, and you have to turn around because if you see his face for a second more you will slap him. But you want this project done, you have four weeks to turn it in, but you want this torture to be over as soon as possible, so you know you have to put the pettiness aside.

“If we want a great result and good grades, we need good lyrics and a good melody,” you say, calmly facing him again, slowly watching as his face softens. “My words and your production. I don’t care what comes to us first, if you think it can be useful, we could even brainstorm some tunes and catchphrases and then build it around it.”

“Now you’re making some sense,” he exclaims, smiling widely before patting the top of your head. “So that head is not empty.”

“Oh, seriously? I’m trying to have a truce, and you fuck it all up again?”

“No, sorry, I just think you’re really smart when it comes to college but a bit annoying when it comes to life.”

“You’re just mad you can’t beat me.”

“I can,” he retorts smugly.  

“Then why don’t you do it?” You tease, cocking your head to the side.

Haechan scoffs, lips twitching in a quick smirk before he wets them. “I didn’t yet, but are you so sure I won’t?” He whispers, breath colliding with your lips and nose brushing yours, your brain doesn’t even register his hands on your legs right away, only when his fingers caress your bare skin right above the hem you wake up from the haze of having him so close.

“Time will — time will prove us,” you say, turning to the desk and scratching your neck. “Time will tell us, not prove us.”

Haechan snickers, moving closer to see on your tablet where you opened the notes, and smiles smugly. He thinks he found a way to distract you.

The project isn’t done in the first week, and to put a cherry on top, Professor Park decides to make it the big project for the end of the class, adding a cover for the single, a plan to sponsor it, and, if someone feels brave enough, even to record it. Even if you wanted to, a thing this big, and now with so much weight on the final grade, can’t be done in one week.

Yet, you think you’ll have to deal with Haechan only on your weekly meet-ups for that project and during lessons, you never imagined you would have to deal with him even during your library study on Wednesday.

“Why are you studying in the middle of the week?”

“You know, if I had to replicate a sound every time we start a conversation it would be ‘and now, I just want to sit back and relax and enjoy my evening, when all of a sudden I hear this agitating grating voice,’ and that is the sound that plays in my mind, actually.”

“Grating? Really?”

“Well, it’s the quote but it fits,” you reply sternly, bringing your attention back to the book. “Also, the question is not, why am I studying, but why aren’t you? How will you beat me if you don’t?” You wink, laughing under your breath. You don’t even need to see his reaction; you know his jaw tenses and his nostrils flare for a brief second every time you tease him.

You hear the chair in front of you scratch on the floor, and deeply hope he’s not sitting on it. But Haechan is sitting on it, staring at you as if he could steal the information from your brain and pass it to his.

“I am studying.”

“No, you’re not,” you reply, eyes widening when he rips a page from your notebook and a pen from your case. “So, what have you learned since now?”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes to the sky and instead run a hand on your face while sighing deeply. There’s just no way to get rid of him, right?

“You don’t even know what I’m studying.”

“Sound design,” he replies promptly, and you look down to see if he could’ve gotten a grasp from your books but there’s a paper on it and there’s not much written on it. Haechan smiles and moves to the chair next to you. “It’s because I started it too, there are too many notions, it would be a suicide to wait for the finals.”

“Oh, so you do something else other than think about me,” you tease, nudging him with your leg.

“Hey! I don’t think about you,” he replies firmly, frowning.

“Sure,” you huff, waving him off. “So, what do you know?”

“Well, all the basis we learnt last year, so the definition of sound, the path it follows, how it’s perceived based on the medium and how fast it travels through them, slowest through gases, faster through liquids, and fastest through solids, and that temperature effects it as well.”

You smile, content with the reply but you want to test him more. “What about the five characteristics of sound?”

“You think that’s a difficult one?” He asks, almost disappointed at the easiness of your question.

“Well, if you want to impress me so bad, I could ask you to list all the types of compressors?”

“You already know that?” He questions, quirking a brow, trying to think why he doesn’t remember them. “Wait, we didn’t do that in class.”

You laugh. “See, you’re witty. No, we haven’t done that yet, but since you love producing so much, I thought you knew it as personal knowledge.”

“Why do you talk as if you don’t want to do the same job as mine?” There’s a bit of annoyance in his tone, but there’s genuine curiosity in his eyes.

You shrug, pressing your lips together before diverting your gaze.

Haechan gasps. “Don’t tell me you don’t know what you want to do, yet, because I won’t believe it.”

“It’s not that I don’t know,” you reply, a low huff leaving your lips. “I’d like to try different things out, being a PR manager sounds interesting too. And I’m also pretty good at dancing, so that could be a career path.”

“It’s a shame we didn’t start practical courses, I would love to see you dance.”

“Yeah, sure, so you can mock me some more,” you groan.

He shakes his head. “No, you wouldn’t enroll in a program if you weren’t absolutely perfect at it, so I can’t come at your skills.”

“You’re so kind, I think I might love you,” you mock, moving closer to him and pouting before pushing him away with a light push on his chest and focusing on your papers again.

“And by the way, I know the characteristics of sound,” he says, right next to your face.  

You smile and think to yourself that this might be fun. “Good, go on and tell me.”

You don’t get why Haechan’s roommate bicker so much. Not that you could lecture them when, as soon as you walk inside his room, your talks won’t be much different than theirs (worse, probably). But you think you and Haechan, at least, have a reason to fight so much. His roommates are… weird. They are close. They all are, in an annoying way almost, always moving in packs and breaking their back to meet up even if their institutes are scattered around in the Academy. Yet, they get heated pretty easily when they sit in the living room, and you can only blame it on stress as you chuckle, standing against the countertop with a glass of water in hand.

“Donghyuck left you all alone?” Jeno enters the kitchen, distracting you from Renjun screaming at his painting and Mark cursing while he tries to come up with a melody for a small assignment you decided to not worry about —you have Haechan to worry about now.

“Yep, told me to be here at 2 pm just to be in the shower instead,” you reply with a tight smile on your face that makes him laugh and scroll the black hair out of his face.

“My fault,” he explains while pouring himself a glass. “I convinced him to stay at the basketball field when we finished and he couldn’t meet up with you smelling like rotten leftovers forgotten under the august sun.”

“Creative writing?” You ask after you chuckle at his description.

“Nope, photography, Renjun’s worst nightmare.”

You laugh. “It’s because you leave all those big things around his room, right?”

“Our room,” he says, empathising on the first word.

“Okay, communism king, your room but I don’t think your comrade is happy about it.”

Jeno laughs, and hums before gulping down a sip of water. “I’m not rich yet to afford a studio so he’ll have to deal with his bestie working, sweating, and crying his way to the top.”

“You could’ve been a nepo baby and have everything handed to you.”

“Sucks not to be one. I wouldn’t even bother being in Uni, just leaving my best life with my camera and daddy’s money.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Haechan says entering the kitchen, hair still damp and casual housewear on.

“None of your business,” you reply, placing the glass in the sink and walking to the door. “Come on, we have a song to create. It could be our first Billboard number one.”

Haechan sighs, snatching the bottle of water from Jeno’s hand, briefly confused at his grinning face, and then follows you quickly.

“Are you trying to hit on my friends?” He asks, closing the door behind.

“Would you mind?”

“Yes, I’d hate having to deal with you in our group hangouts.”

“You already deal with me. More than you should since you always come to me even when we could not be together,” you say, tilting your head to the side, and sitting on your assigned chair. “Are you perhaps jealous? Do you want me all to yourself?”

“Nah, you can go and fuck all of them right no—”

“Okay,” you don’t even let him finish and you’re at the door, but he springs after you and stops you.

“What are you doing? I was kidding!”

“Why? Since when you can tell me what to do?”

Haechan groans and drags you back to your place, but he doesn’t sit just yet, he’s bent over to be close to you. “I need you here with me to work on this goddam song, and then you can go and have a gangbang in the living room, I don’t care.”

“You’d be mad you won’t be part of it,” you joke, having the time of your life watching his pissed-off expression as he stomps loudly back at his place. “Accept that you will never win with me, and maybe you won’t be so triggered every time we talk.”

“Shit, it’s late,” you murmur, lifting your head from the lyrics you’re trying to write down. Now you got the theme —it’s a love song that you hope won’t turn lame— and even a faint idea of a tune, and while Haechan tried to get inspired by other songs and tried instruments he wants to add to the track, you worked on the words.

“Don’t you think we’re trying too hard?” He whispers, placing the guitar on his bed before standing up and stretching.

“What do you mean?” You ask, lifting your neck so you can look at him after you turn around on the rotating chair.

“Music should come to you, it should be… spontaneous.”

You’d want to roll your eyes, mostly for the spontaneous part, but he’s right. Most artists don’t think about the songs they make, the song comes to their mind when they’re not thinking about it.

“Yes, but do you think we’re doing such a shitty job with this?”

He shakes his head, walking closer to you. “Not totally, I just think that if we want to be on top, we have to work around it differently.”

You gulp when he hovers over you and grips the side of the chair tightly. “Like?”

“We should… relax. Take our mind off of it and just wait for it to come,” he glances at the desk, studying the crumpled tries you gave up on and the only three phrases you were happy with written on the tablet. “We should get inspired,” he whispers, and you’re once again so focused on his face that you don’t feel his hand on your thigh, under the long black skirt you’re wearing, it surely must’ve been on you for a while if the fabric was already crumpled up and his fingers teased the hem of your panties between your hips and stomach.

“Is — is this how you inspire people?” You ask, glancing down with a rising chest but for some reason not pulling away.

“Don’t know, I’ve never done it before,” he chuckles, slowly moving closer to your core, observing the small signs of your body. “Should we see if it works?”

You hate him. You should be working on that lyric for the last half hour you have left. You hate him. He’s making it impossible for you to stick to your ‘minding my business’ plan that had worked through all your school years. You hate him, you do, and yet you nod, humming a feeble ‘yes,’ in response.

“Good,” rolls out of his lips, and it sounds so different from his usual tone, you can’t help but feel hot.

Your nails sink in the chair when his fingers slip right against your clit after he had your consent and starts teasing it.

“So, it’s a love song…” he says, and you frown, heart pumping louder as for a second you think he led you on and you looked like a pathetic horny loser, but his hand is still playing with your pussy and his face is still close to yours. “Chose that because you have somebody in mind?”

“We literally picked it for a reason last week, you —”

“God,” he shushes you up, pushing the panties to the side and teasing your entrance, it’s already damp, but not enough how he wants it. “Can you stop being so rational for once? I know why we picked it; remember I’m trying to inspire you.”

“Wait, you really think some fingering can inspire me to write a love so—” your words shut down when he places a hand on your mouth, eyes widening but pussy leaking an embarrassing amount of cum.

He quirks a brow in surprise and, shortly after, a smug smirk curls his lips. “Oh, so you’re into that?”

You can’t reply, but even if you could’ve, you’re not sure you would’ve said anything.

“So, anybody in mind?”

You shake your head. Your love life has been anything but exciting, and after a few tries, you were sure it wasn’t what you needed to focus on, especially because nobody sparked your interest. Nobody was worth moving your focus from your studies.

“Great, so I guess that’ll have to be me.”

“What?” You mutter muffled, closing your legs and moving on the chair.

Haechan rolls his eyes in his skull, keeping you in place. “Oh, come on, you can fake it for a few minutes. Don’t act disgusted, I’m knuckle-deep inside you,” he says.

“Not yet.”

“I’m knuckle-deep inside you,” he retorts after he pushes into you with two fingers, staring right into your eyes.

You bite back a moan and a curse under your breath. “Fine, but I don’t want to think,” you say. “Just, prove it to me. If you’re good, I’ll be inspired and I’ll come up with the lyrics, if you suck, we’ll go back to our original method.”

Haechan hates that he constantly has to prove things to you, and he hates even more that he does it, almost as if he’s your dog and he has to follow your orders while you keep him on a leash. But if this will work to come up with a great song, and in his outer-songwriting-course-plan to distract you, he won’t complain.

Honestly, he couldn’t complain even if it only meant to finger you. He might want to fight you every time he sees your face but, damn, what a face.

“Shit,” you moan. You don’t want to give him too much satisfaction, but he knows what he’s doing and it’s been way too long since someone touched you like that. Damn, even since you touched yourself like that. Maybe the whole ‘staring at your goals’ was taking some funny things away from you.

“Do you want to turn the song into a Hozier song?”

You huff, you just asked him one thing and his mouth is running again doing the opposite. “You wish you were this good to inspire a Hozier type of song.”

“Really?” He taunts, pressing his thumb on your clit, starting to tease the throbbing nub in circles.

“Yes,” your voice trembles, but your face shows confidence.

Haechan snickers, quickening the pace of his fingers, watching you fight against yourself to not show how much you’re loving it. “One second of this mouth on your pussy and I’d make you change your mind,” he whispers right against your ears, hot breath fanning your skin. “It’s a shame you don’t deserve it.”

You groan, head rolling back in disappointment, and that makes him laugh.

“You have to think twice before running that mouth, babe. Especially with me.”

“Never,” you talk back, opening your eyes and regretting as soon as they meet his. His gaze is too intense, and your brain is too far gone to keep it up.

Haechan only grins, enjoying your wrecked face and the sounds your pussy is making as his fingers keep working on you. You might try to deny him, but your body is speaking to him, and deeply so are you. It’s in your eyes, and your lips trembling, and in the beautiful moans that are rolling out of your tongue.

“Are you close, brat?”

You don’t have it in you to complain, or retort, the orgasm is right around the corner and you fear he would ruin the experience if you said something out of line.

“Answer me,” he orders, lightly slapping your thigh.

“Yes,” you breathe out, biting your lower lip to prevent the whole house from hearing you.

“Good,” he replies, smiling proudly and starting to move faster in and out of you, hitting your sweet spot every time he reaches the base, and torturing your clit with his thumb. And when it’s too much for you, you come. Body trembling against the chair, and legs pushing up as the shocks of pleasure run through you.

“Acid when you talk but sweet to taste,” he hums after pulling out his fingers from his mouth and you only glare at him as you quickly try to get yourself together again. 

“It’s late,” he says, staring at the clock. “Go home and let me know if this was useful somehow. And not by replaying it in your mind at night wishing I was there with you.” He winks and you slap his shoulder hard. “What the hell!”

“I won’t come up with anything on purpose, and I swear if you keep being so annoying, I’ll be terrible at this.”

“You would never, this makes up like 80% of our final grade.” He challenges you with a glare.  

“If I go down, you go down with me,” you retort, face to face, fiercely looking into his eyes.  

“It’s not smart of you.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” you smile sweetly before it drops from your face. “It’s a threat.”

It’s not like you’re trying to avoid him after what happened, but that’s exactly what’s going on. You don’t regret the act per se, you just can’t believe it was so easy for you to agree to do that with him. And you know he will use it against you for eternity.

A very dumb move from your side to give him the possibility to tease you even more and about something you couldn’t defend yourself from.

But if you try your best to change corridors when you see him from afar, walk quickly back to your dorm room, and sit on the opposite side in class (you fail at keeping your mouth quiet, but you need to discuss with him during lessons), it seems like he’s doing everything he can to be on your path.

“I’m starting to believe you’re a stalker,” you huff, clearly scaring him when you stop abruptly in the middle of the library and make him stop in his tracks.

“I’m not.”

You raise a brow, staring at him until he huffs and throws his hands up in the air. “Fine, fine, I was following you but only because I wanted to know what you will study.”

“Why do you care so much about what I study?”

“So I know how to beat you?”

“Isn’t it more exciting if you beat me only using your brain by putting some knowledge in it without seeing my cards?” You say, pushing a finger on his chest and making him walk backwards until his back hits the bookshelf behind him.

“I think sneaky games are funnier, though,” he whispers, hand moving to rest on your side. “Especially with you.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes, and taking a step back, freeing yourself from his hold. “The games you’re playing are not sneaky. Why are you always in my business?”

He shrugs. “Why not? So, what are we studying today?”

“We are not studying together.”

“Why? Isn’t it funny? The same study method, same hours, but one of us will be better than the other. That’s a truly equal comparison.”

You run a hand on your face and keep walking to find what you need. “If you didn’t distract me every two seconds, I would’ve already been like five pages into my studying session.”

“Oh, please, you are wondering around the library anyway. I’m just keeping you company.” His body follows yours like a shadow, his heat radiating so close to your skin that you think you might go insane.

“I don’t want your company,” you say, moving your eyes swiftly over the books in front of you as you try to find what you are looking for in the sociology section. When you finally find it, reminding yourself you have to buy it so you can annotate directly on yours, you walk back to your table, but Haechan is still beside you like a puppy on a string. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”

“I could, and I’d want to, but I can’t,” he says, sitting at your side, smiling widely when you glare at him.

“This is a useless lesson for you,” you try to dismiss him.

“Is it? Because we have the same ones.”

“Jesus, okay, fine,” you give up, throwing your head back and raising your voice enough to make some heads turn in your direction. His biggest talent is to exasperate you. “But we give ourselves a timing, and then when we’re done, we’ll have to answer five questions.”

“And who answers to them all?” He asks, there’s a taunting edge in his voice, and a grin on his face.

“Is the best,” you reply as if it’s obvious.

“Yeah, but there should be a prize.”

“Being better than you is the prize.”

Haechan scoffs, and he hates to admit in his mind that he finds your snarky remarks so fucking hot, if you weren’t in a public library and if his job on earth wasn’t to detest you, he would’ve already had you bent on the table.

“I love how you’re always so sure of being better than me.”

You snicker and send him a flying kiss. “Honey, I am better than you.”

“Wait, I just left out a detail!” You almost scream when you compare your answers for the nth time because you can’t believe he has done slightly better than you.

“That detail is important,” Haechan replies unfazed by your indignation.

“No, it’s not. We would have the same score if this was graded,” you insist, feeling more angered than you should. It’s nothing serious, it shouldn’t be serious, but with him, there’s your pride on the line.

“But this is between me and you, so I win. Also, my phrasing in the second answer is better than yours.”

“Shut up, it’s not.”

“It is, and you just have to admit you lost,” he insists, leaning over, staring at you with a challenging raised brow.  

You swallow, eyebrows furrowing, and then you sigh. “Your advantage is minimal. And you only won a battle, because I’m winning a war.”

“Fine, Napoleon, I still won and you’re coming to my place even Saturday so we can do this some more.”

“Hey, Napoleon sucked! He lost the most important battles, the only ones he should’ve won.”

“That’s why I called you that,” he winks, clicking his tongue mockingly.  

“Oh, you think you will win the war? You’re wrong, honey, Waterloo is yours.”

Haechan laughs, standing up after putting his things in his bag. “I’m waiting for you on Saturday…” he says and before you can complain he starts singing, “Waterloo, I was defeated, you won the war…”

“Oh, shut up!” You say, hitting his arm as you push him away, but he giggles and walks away continuing with the tune.

“Waterloo, promise to love you forevermore. Waterloo, couldn’t escape if I wanted to…”

And you think that if only he didn’t try to sabotage your final grades in Music History, you might even find him funny.

Haechan hates you.

If he was sure he didn’t before, he is sure that he does now.

He can’t wrap his head around the fact that you, Miss zero social skills, and negative 100 friends, can be so good at debating. On every fucking topic. You’re well-spoken, witty, smart, somehow it looks like you know everything about everything. And even when you don’t know (and you always specify it — which he shouldn’t find so hot, but he does) you always come up with perfectly thought theories and analyses coming from the small knowledge you have on the topic. The thing he also hates is that you never sound like you’re showing off your skills, it’s just really nice to listen to you and —when he’s not the one intervening against you— you’re the sweetest person ever and everybody in every class absolutely adores you.

He wonders if you’re a robot. Maybe you’re some sort of artificial intelligence sent there to conduct studies on humans’ stupidity, and he was unlucky enough to start a fight with you. You just don’t seem real. And he’d love to dig deeper but he doubts he will find anything relevant.

You might be smart, but you also look incredibly boring. He tried to find out if you had interests, or anything that could distract you, but his research led nowhere. The biggest problem is that he hates you, but not to the point that he wants to get you suspended from University, so he has to find another way to make you slip.

Apparently, you’re playing the same game, but even at this, you are thinking faster and smarter.

“Where the fuck are all my anthropology notes?” Haechan mutters as he looks through his library, moving books and notebooks around, thinking he has gone insane. “Mark!” He screams, rushing to the desk to search again but he knows where he left everything; on the second shelf of the small library in his room, on top of the music theory book that hasn’t moved since a week.

“Yes?” His housemate peaks from the door only with his head.

“Did you mistake our notes?”

“What notes?” Mark furrows, backing away from his friend who looks out of his mind.

“The anthropology notes,” he says, voice full of annoyance because, why does Mark never know anything? He’s in the same course and, yet, he’s always somewhere else with his head. 

“Man, I don’t even take notes during that lesson.”

“What do you mean you don’t? Ugh, never mind,” Haechan groans, rolling his eyes because he can’t believe he can’t count on anybody. “Have you seen them somewhere?”

“Nope,” Mark replies, entering the room. “I mean, I don’t know what they look like.”

“You know right we have a test tomorrow? The winter break is close, and some courses have it. You are studying, right?”

“Yeah, just not every…thing…”

Haechan rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Why don’t you like it? I mean, I know it’s not really music related but it teaches you so much about other cultures and there’s a whole part about how music is different from culture to culture.”

“Next semester, we didn’t get there, yet. It’s a bunch of complicated terminology and theories I just don’t get,” Mark defends. He never understood why Haechan loved studying so much. He is only there for the music, and a few other theoretical lessons, but some courses don’t make any sense to him.  

“So you plan on being terrible tomorrow?”

“I just want a decent result; I don’t strive for perfection like you and your girlie.”

Haechan almost chokes on his saliva. “My girlie? Who’s my girlie?”

“That girl in class you always get into heated arguments with, and then she comes here and I’m pretty sure you make out when no one’s watching,” Mark says so calmly it infuriates Haechan more than if he was teasing him.  

“Shut the hell up! She’s my mortal enemy and while you have been paired with Yangyang for the song project, Professor Park thought it was nice putting her and me together.”

“Yeah, you can still make out with your mortal enemy,” he snorts, hitting his friend with a playful elbow hit.  

“Mark, shut up and leave, I have to study,” he tries to cut short, pushing his friend out of the room.  

“With what notes?”

“I don’t know. I left them on the shelf, and nobody entered my room since Saturday when she — Oh, my God.”

When your name resonates in the empty classroom after you’ve taken the anthropology test, your blood freezes for a second.

“Haechannie,” you cheer cheekily, turning around and pushing your tote bag far up your shoulders.

“Don’t,” he warns, lifting a finger to stop you from starting anything. “I have to talk to you.”

“Sure, the test was easy, right? You might have beaten me this time,” you say but you have to hold back a laugh when you scan his furious, pissed-off expression.

“Yeah, if you studied, it was,” he retorts venously.  

“And you surely studied,” you say, faking innocence.  

“You can study when you have something to study on,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Yes, and you do,” you still play dumb, but when he calls your surname, you know he’s not joking anymore. “Yes?”

“Do you, perhaps, know where the fuck my notes are?”

You look around, shrugging. “Where are your notes, Donghyuck?”

“I don’t know, I’m asking you for a reason,” he retorts, plastering a fake smile that doesn’t reflect in the darkness of his pupils.

“They might’ve mixed up with my stuff when you invited me over Saturday?” You sing-song, tilting your head to the side and shrugging.

“Might’ve,” he repeats, a hint of bitterness in his tone. “It was just a coincidence.”

You shrug again, pushing your lower lip in a pout. “Sometimes… things happen.”

“And if it wasn’t on purpose, why couldn’t you just text me?”

“Because I didn’t notice,” you reply innocently, batting your lashes, knowing it will get on his nerves even more.  

He groans, closing his eyes to calm himself down before he speaks again, “then how do you know?”

“Don’t know, just making assumptions,” you say. “It turns out I’m really good at it.”

“I swear, I — I want to… I want to —”

“To what? Choke me because I got my revenge? Oh, it turns out it’s really not that funny when someone plays with you?” You mock, and in doing so you get closer to him.

“Goddamn,” he groans before your back meets the hard wall of the room and his lips meet yours in a heated kiss, his hands on your body and yours limp at your side as you’re too shocked to react. “I want to — I want to kill you, actually.”

You smirk, chuckling straight at his face. “Filled the space with the wrong letter, ‘cause you’re kissing me.”

“Maybe my kiss is lethal, maybe there’s poison on my lips.”

“Oh, you’re so romantic you’d die for me?” You coo, placing a hand on your heart.

Haechan groans, throwing his head back. “Why are you always so, so, so, God,” he curses, running his fingers in his hair. “I want my notes back, now.”

“I don’t have them,” you say, grinning because he looks wrecked. You know it wasn’t very morally mature for you, but it was only fair. Also, you know he doesn’t arrive last minute with anything, he had already studied everything and you’re sure he had answered everything on that paper, he just couldn’t revisit.

“My notes back when you pass by for the project or it’s war.”

“It’s already war,” you retort when he walks past you to leave.  

Haechan turns around, locking his gaze with yours. “Oh, honey, it can get so much worse than this.”

You felt like testing your luck when his notes weren’t back on his desk, but you had no idea it could get worse than that, until it got.

When he deleted an essay from your computer and you had to remake and finish the work of five days in five hours, so you cancelled a project he was working on for another assignment you had. And then he erased the recording of a course from your phone, so you ripped his notebook in front of his eyes (and his roommates too). The list of petty things is long, and you’re not really proud (you’re sure not even Haechan is) of what you did, especially when things started becoming personal. You two want to destroy each other, but you are honestly just killing yourselves in the meantime.

Your book slams closed so hard that you almost zip your hands in it, and by protecting your fingers you lose track of where you’ve been. “Get lost,” you whisper bitterly as soon as you recognize the hand that did that.

“No thanks,” he replies, sitting next to you.

“I’m trying to read a book in the quiet of the library, so can you leave me alone?”

“It’s a public space, I can sit wherever I want,” he replies, leaning back into the chair, and widening his legs under the table. You know ‘cause you feel his knee push against yours and you have to retract your leg to avoid the contact.  

You glare at him, breathing deeply through your nose because you can’t make a scene here. You two almost got kicked out of a class two days ago, and that was humiliating enough. So, you think that ignoring him is the best thing you can do.

“Wow, so you have a bit of self-control and don’t talk back. Never thought I’d see that day,” he replies sarcastically to your silence with an amused grin that curls his lips.

You hold back a scream and huff loudly, “I truly need you to get fucked right now.”

“Nevermind,” he jokes, pulling a tight forced smile and you close the book again, now too annoyed to even focus on the words on the paper. “I came here in peace, by the way.”

“Yeah, your peace is war in my country,” you reply bitterly, trying to shift away but those damn chairs make the loudest sounds at the smallest movements.  

“That’s because you’re full of prejudices.”

You inhale deeply, rubbing your temple to soothe the headache you know is about to arrive. “Haechan, tell me what you want and then leave me alone.”

He smiles, happy you are finally willing to listen, before he clears his throat. “Okay so, I have to say that some of this is funny. I mean, only the debates and these random talks, but I’m not the biggest fan of all the other stuff we’re doing, so why don’t we bring it back?”

“Bring it back? As in?” You question, raising a brow in confusion.

“I liked it better when we would just compete without tearing ourselves down. If you cancel, ruin, or save one of my projects with the word boobs in it before sending it to the professor another time, I will go insane.”

You hold back a chuckle. You have to admit it was your lowest move, but it was quite funny when Professor Choi had a whole talk in class about being careful before sending out finished projects and exposed him in front of the class.

“No, it wasn’t funny,” he mutters sternly, watching you fight with all the muscles of your face to don’t break into a laugh.

“No, sorry, it was,” you defend, voice trembling, threatening a chuckle to come out. “Like Iloveboobsdemo1 is the best thing I’ve ever come up with. That could be the title of our song.”

“If you want to get expelled from all the academies in the world that would be a perfect idea,” he says, trying to be serious because seriously it wasn’t funny, but when you stare into each other’s eyes for too long none of you two can hold back the laughter anymore. “Okay, fine. It was funny, but I don’t want that to happen again.”

“So? Do you give up?” You taunt, tilting your head after placing it on your palms.

“I’m not giving up, we are changing strategies of our combat.”

“Oh, okay. You will lose anyway in the end, so if this can be more beneficial for me in the meantime, it’s fine.”

He sighs, rubbing his temples, and you chuckle. “Don’t laugh,” he whispers distraught. “I… could you sometimes at least pretend to give me some kind of chance of winning with you and not feeling like you’ll always have the last laugh?”

“I just replied.”

“No, a reply would’ve been ‘Yes, Haechan, don’t worry, we can change it.”

“Too wordy,” you comment, waving him off with a movement of hand.

“You said like ten words more,” he replies, voice breaking in his throat in a whine, but you decide to act as if you don’t notice.  

“It still flowed better. See, that’s why the lyrics are in my hands. You’re really not good with words.”

“You keep doing that,” he groans, slamming a hand on the table, attracting some curious eyes on you before you glare them away. “But it’s fine, okay, so… no more dirty games? No more sabotaging?”

“Yes, no more. Well, not like this, but we can still play a bit, right?” You ask, retracting your hand right when you’re about to hold his to seal the deal.

“Yes, but nothing weird, or you know what I mean.”

You hum, reaching out again and shaking his hand. “It’s a deal, then?”

“It’s a deal.”

The deal somehow turns into Haechan always being next to you. He’s like a shadow, sitting next to you in class, studying with you in the library, and so on. You don’t mind him when he minds his business, but he rarely does. Especially during lessons when you need to focus on what the professors are saying.

You roll your eyes when Haechan sneaks a paper next to your notebook and you read ‘how would a dog wear pants’ with two badly drawn different options on it.

“Does it look like the right moment?” You whisper under your breath, side-eyeing him, and trying to keep your focus on the lesson. You see him nod and decide to mark the second option, thinking that he’d be happy with it, but he has the urge to hear a whole dissertation on something that will never happen, right now.

“Why?” He asks as if you’re not in the middle of a lecture.

“Not now.”

“But this lesson is boring,” he whines, poking your side with his elbow.  

You huff, covering it with a cough when you realize it is too loud, and then take a sip from your bottle of water.

“You didn’t answer,” Haechan insists, this time poking your arm with the cap of the pencil. 

“I picked one,” you mutter, pointing at the paper with your head.  

“Elaborate and change my mind.”

“You think it’s the first one?” You say in disbelief, the utter shock causing the tone of your voice to be louder than you expected.

“Any problems there?” The Professor asks, and you feel your blood freeze.

“Mh, no, nothing, my pen has no more ink, I was asking for another one,” you lie, thanking God you two are sitting far in the back of the class and the Professor can’t hear and can’t see that your pen isn’t dead at all. So, with a suspicious nod, the middle-aged man goes on with the lecture while Haechan giggles beside you.

You glare at him, and he shrugs raising his hands. “If you kept quiet, it wouldn’t have happened.”

“If you let me concentrate on the lesson instead of asking dumb questions, it wouldn’t have happened,” you retort, and he laughs under his breath again, but doesn’t ask more questions. He still ruins your notes with ugly flowers and other drabbles and you let him be because at least he’s being silent and paying attention.

“So, you really are giving up,” you say when the bell rings and the class starts emptying.

“What makes you think that?” He asks, putting his things in his bag, just like you.

“You didn’t write anything down.”

Haechan shrugs. “Why would I? I have your notes.”

“No, you don’t,” you say but before you can realize he rips the notebook from your hands and snaps a picture of the two pages you wrote. “Hey! That’s not fair. That’s my work.”

“Your amazing summarizing skills and my artistic skills. I don’t gift beautiful sunflowers to just anybody.”

“Beautiful sunflowers?” You snicker, starting to walk down the stairs, pushing the notebook into your bag as Haechan follows at your side. “If Renjun saw them he would have a heart attack.”

“Can’t compare Vang Gogh to Picasso.”

“Keep Picasso out of your mouth,” you say threateningly.

“Still, aren’t you happy you will think of me while studying?” He bats his lashes, and you hold back an entertained grin.

“Can’t wait to go through the absolute most painful ulcers every time I glance down on those things.”

He gasps offended, bringing a hand on his chest. “See, this is what happens when you spend all your days on socials and your brain doesn’t know how to appreciate real art anymore.”

“You are so annoying, and distracting. Next time if you sit next to me, I’ll push you off the chair,” you warn, and only when a colder blow of wind hits you, you realize you’re walking back to your places together.

“Right!” He says and you think it’s the good time he leaves you alone, but no, he’s not done. “You didn’t explain why the dog would wear it only on its hind legs.”

“Is it really that serious? Why do you want to know so badly?”

“It’s funny. I’m sick and tired of hearing you only discuss music, sociology, and the media and other stuff.”

You sigh. But you still have a bit to walk, so you might as well have to deal with him and his hypothesis about dogs. “Because pants have to cover your lower body, so legs, and ass and everything else. If you wear them like the first option, half of the ass is out. And also, the back limbs correspond to our legs, we’re divided in half horizontally, not vertically.”

He doesn’t reply right away, processing your answer. And you think you broke him.

“Oh!” You exclaim. “Zootopia, animals wear clothes like the second picture.”

“Really? You had a whole statement that made perfect sense and then you added a cartoon to your thesis?”

“But it still makes sense,” you argue back. “And, most importantly, I made you agree with me,” you wink before stopping when you reach your complex.

“Fine, fine, you’re right,” he gives up before looking behind you. “You live here?”

You nod, searching for the keys in the tote bag, and you think it’s time to stop pretending that’s Mary Poppins’ bag and throw away some useless stuff.

“I thought there were only rooms here,” he states, looking at the big complex a few meters away from the university.  

“There are common dormitories, and then there are some one-room flats. I got one with a scholarship when I graduated. It’s less expensive than an apartment and I get a small place all to myself.”

“Oh,” he whispers. He doesn’t know why he thought you had roommates. “So, you’re alone, alone?”

“No, you can’t come in,” you say.

“I didn’t ask that,” he frowns, offended you would even imply that. “I thought you… well, oh, never mind.”

“Yes, I’m alone, so I can do whatever the hell I want. If I want to cook, I cook. If I want to stay up all night to study, I do that. If I want to dry the clothes in the middle of the living room, that is also the bedroom and the kitchen, I do that.”

“Is it really that small?”

“It’s decent, I guess. It’s spacious enough to live in it comfortably but not big to the point I have to waste days cleaning it.”

“Maybe we could study there, no loud roommates screaming in the living room.”

“I like the mess of your place, and I’ll be there Friday.”

Haechan rolls his eyes. “Come on, I hate the library. Can’t we for once study at your place?”

“I never invited you to my studying sessions,” you groan.

“But you love it.”

“No.”

“Yes, you have an orgasm every time you know something better than me.”

“Please, shut up,” you wave him off, starting to walk away.

“I don’t care, I’ll be here tomorrow,” he screams when you’re too far, clearly running away from him.  

“And I’ll be at the library!”

You never go to the library, to be honest, you were just unlucky enough that the washing machine thought it was the right moment to leak all over the floor and Haechan found you at home with your coat on the couch, the tote bag next to the door and your jeans half soaked as you tried to fix the mess on the pavement.

From that moment, your meet-ups become more and more periodic, whether it’s at your place, his or at the library. You hate to admit it, but the competition drives you forward, and you love seeing his face every time you defeat him somehow.

“Are you busy this Saturday?” He asks while he strums with the guitar to come up with a chord progression for your song.

“Yeah, why?” You reply, poking the cap of the pen to your cheeks, drifting your eyes on him.

“Want to go out with me?”

“What? Saturday is my day to study and do my things like I want to,” you say. It was the only day, along with Sunday, you had to fix all your notes without being wrecked from the lessons of the day, or listen to lessons while cleaning the house, and so on. You tried to squeeze everything there so Sunday could be your free day and you could dedicate it to your hobbies and to write for the magazine you worked for, nothing too serious, just some money to add to the survival costs that your parents would send you, and the monthly entrance you had when you would get called to help a dance studio downtown.

“Great, we’re going out tomorrow.”

You huff, slumping back on the chair. “No, we’re not. I’m busy.”

“You can take one afternoon for me,” he replies, placing the instrument next to him. “Come on, it will be fun.”

“Where would you even take me?”

Haechan smirks. “It’s a surprise.”

When Saturday afternoon arrives, you don’t know how to feel. You spent the whole night trying to find a positive thing about it, and the good thing is that for once you are leaving the house to do something funny —you hoped so— not all by yourself. The bad thing is that the person you are going to do this thing with is Haechan.

You try not to worry about it too much, he’s not that bad when he wants to, and he’s funnier than you’d like to admit, so maybe taking a small break from the obsessive studying and tidying, will do you some good.

When you hear the knocks on the door, you grab your coat and your bag and head to open it.

“Hi,” he says. “Anything to fix before we leave?”

“Don’t say that, they will hear you and break all together.”

Haechan laughs, briefly looking at your body, mostly covered because it’s still cold outside and you have way too many layers on you. “Toy Story for home appliances?”

“Yeah, that would be my life,” you reply, closing the door behind you and walking outside of the complex. “So, where are you taking me?”

“I told you, it’s a surprise,” he says. “Don’t expect anything big, I just don’t want to hear you nag about it.”

“Hey, I appreciate almost everything.”

“Yeah, it’s the almost that worries me,” he says. “Hop in the car.”

“You have a car?”

“Yeah, it’s right in front of your eyes,” he answers, gesturing to the space next to you.  

You turn around, holding back a laugh when you see the old blue car, it’s surely a Hyundai, you have no idea about the model, but you know for sure it’s falling apart. “This is the car?”

“Yes, I’m sorry I’m poor.”

“It will get us killed,” you say opening the door, letting out a breath of relief when the handle doesn’t stay in your hold.

Haechan rolls his eyes and sits in. “Can you don’t be overdramatic for one second?”

“I’m stating facts. Are the airbags still working? Is the oil level high enough? The battery? And the water for —” Your eyes widen when his lips crash on yours. At first, it’s a harsh attempt to shut you up, but then his lips shily go for more, moving along yours with a small flame of need.

“I won’t kill you, but please shut up,” he begs when he pulls away, sooner than you want to, later than he should’ve.  

You gulp, trying to shake the dizziness and the way his kiss made you feel lightweight. You might occasionally still want to wrap your hand around his neck but he’s quite good at being a charmer.

“I’m giving you the privilege to pick the music,” he says once you’re on the open road, the lights of the city shine against the windows and the other cars pass beside you.

“Yeah, can I connect my Spotify to the car? Oh, wait, this model from the future directly brings the singers into your backseats so you can have a live concert,” you joke after seeing the car radio.  

“Wanted to take the metro?”

You laugh. ��No, I’m just… why did you say that as if I could connect the aux or the Bluetooth? It was funny.”

“Fine, you’re forgiven,” he says. “Just play it through your phone.”

You hum, already deep into the scrolling of your music catalogue. “Can I put my driving playlist?”

“You have a car?”

“No, I have a driving playlist.”

“Why would you have a driving playlist if you don’t have a car?”

“Because right now it comes useful,” you wink, pressing play without waiting for his answer.

Haechan smiles, quickly glancing at you before his attention is fully on the road. “Baekhyun?” He asks with surprise when the second song starts. “You listen to Baekhyun?”

“Everybody should listen to him,” you reply, already getting defensive because his next words could be the last straw of your ‘relationship.’

“Oh God,” he whispers.

“If you tell me you’re a hater I’m jumping out of the running car and changing the trajectory of your life forever,” you warn, turning to the side to have a better view of him.

“Me? A Baekhyun hater? He’s my father! I just can’t believe you have some sort of sense and taste.”

You slap his shoulder, making the both of you break into a light-hearted laugh.

“You scared me for a second,” you say, placing your hand on your beating heart.  

“Sorry. So, it turns out we have one thing in common,” he jokes, creases creating at the corner of his eyes as his features soften and a genuine smile blooms on his face.

You shrug. “I mean, we have many things in common, actually. That’s why we get along so badly. Maybe it’s true, opposite attracts and that’s why we don’t attract.”

“I think we do attract… proved it a few times.”

“Once,” you reply immediately.

“Twice, with the kiss…”

“You did that to shut me up.”

“I don’t shut up just…” anybody… “I felt like kissing you.”

You smirk, loving watching him struggle. “Nothing wrong to admit you find me attractive,” you tease.

“Unfortunately, your mouth ruins everything.”

“My mouth is the thing that attracts you the most about me, or else you wouldn’t keep lingering around me like bees on honey.”

“Bees make honey, they’re not attracted to it. Bears are.”

“Yeah, you look like a bear, you know?”

He glares at you, and you laugh. “Bears are cute.”

“And attracted to honey.”

“And do I look like honey?” You ask teasingly. “Wait! You always call me honey!”

“It’s a mockery honey, not a sweet honey. You’re not my honey.”

You think about it. “You’re not my honey… could be a line of our song.”

“No academy talking today. It’s forbidden. You have to forget about uni.”

“Fine, I’ll forget about it just for today.”

The dates with Haechan, you can call them dates, right? Well, anyway, whatever they are, they become more common. At first, you tried to reject his weird, most of the time, last minute, proposal, because they would throw in the air all of your plans, but after a while, you somehow still found a way to go back on track without screwing up your academic goals.

“Why don’t you stay?” Haechan asks. It’s another Friday afternoon, and you two met up to go on with the song’s project. Much to your dismay, you have to admit you are the one who’s holding you two back. It’s like words can’t come out of you, not like you want to, at least. But Haechan’s not mad at you. Actually, you like the atmosphere around you when you lock in his room for those sessions. One time, he even made you try edibles to see if you could come up with something, but you ended up making out on the floor instead, so you stopped going for that path.

“I don’t know,” you say, huffing when you glance at the words in front of you and remind yourself that they don’t make sense. “I was thinking of going home and maybe listening to your tracks and…”

“Come up with something?” He drags the chair closer to you and steals your papers to read them. “It’s not as bad as you made it to be.”

“Yeah, it’s a good song, but it’s basic. And I feel like it’s a bit… cliché.”

“You do know that everything has already been written?” He jokes, but it’s not a teasing remark, it’s the truth, and he’s genuinely trying to lift your spirit.  

“I know, but it’s not my style, this is not how I usually write, I —”

“You write?” He stops you and only then you realize what you said. “Like, you have written songs before?”

You nod, shame pervading you when he stares at you with an expression you can’t comprehend. “Are you going to make fun of me?”

“No, I just thought you preferred lyrics over production, but I had no idea you were a lyricist.”

“Now, lyricist… I try, sometimes…”

Haechan smirks, poking your tummy making you cover it with your arms. “So there is something you’re insecure about.”

“Oh, I knew you were going to have a ball about this,” you groan, rolling your head back.

“No, hey, it’s just… I’ve never seen you like this about something you do. You are confident, usually,” he explains with no hint of mockery in his voice.

You sigh, looking at your feet tapping the ground and then look back at him. “It’s just… very personal,” you confess. “I think it’s clear I don’t have lots of friends. I used to, back at home, but here I’m alone. But even back then I’ve always felt like there was something I couldn’t completely let out. That’s why I love dancing, I can express myself in a different way, but I found out it still wasn’t enough and when I started playing the piano again I… started writing. It started almost as a joke, and it was a cheesy break-up song when my ex cheated on me, like the cheap version of drivers license,” you joke and he laughs with you.

“But it was still better than this, I guess?”

You hum, shaking your head. “Nah, my first song was a mess, but then it was like I just couldn’t stop writing, so my songs became my diary. Every time something happens, I write about it.”

He hums, moving the chair closer until your legs intertwine. “So, to write a love song you would need to fall in love?”

You’re taken aback by his question, and don’t reply right away. “No, I just need to be inspired. I’ll watch some movies, and it will come to me.”

His face twists in mild disgust as he shakes his head. “Movies are fake, it’s better to live things on your skin.”

“I don’t have time to date, and I can’t just find someone that easily,” you say laughing. “But don’t worry, I won’t make us fail. I’ll try to edit this and make it work if I really can’t come up with anything else.”

Haechan is not convinced, it’s clear in his face and the way his leg is bouncing nervously, but he doesn’t get back on the conversation. “Are you staying?”

“I have some notes to edit and —”

“You have tomorrow,” he cuts you off. “Come on, I have to do it too.”

You groan, hating the way you can’t say no to his big eyes staring at you. “Fine, but not too much.”

It’s useless to say that none of you get those notes written better.

“God, are you fucking Professor Kim?” Haechan growls, grabbing your wrist and stopping you in the college corridors right out of Music History class, the last lesson of Tuesday.

“What?” You babble out, surprised by his angry tone and his speculation.

“No cause you’re his favourite and it’s driving me insane,” he utters under his breath, glaring at you.

“I’m his favourite?” You tease, tilting your head to the side, loving the fire that turned on between you two. It had been three calm months, the bickerings were too intellectual and you missed this.

“Yeah, I gave him the exact same answer and he found the tiniest thing to say I wasn’t right, just so he could hear yours instead and praise you.”

“Oh, poor baby boy, Professor Kim didn’t give you head pats and now you’re mad?” You pout, patting his head in a mockery gesture. 

Haechan groans, throwing his head back, and pushing you into the nearest empty class, closing the door behind.

“Haechan, what are y—”

“Shh,” he says, shushing you with a stern gaze and a squeeze of your wrist. “You passed by his office the other day, didn’t you? Needed extracurricular help ‘cause you didn’t understand something,” he mocks with a high-pitched voice. “Taught you how to play his flute in a historically accurate way?”

You’d love to laugh at his terrible blowjob-music reference but when his gaze darkens, you only chuckle, and that’s enough to drive him mad.

“God, for you is just a game, isn’t it?”

“You really think I fucked Professor Kim?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure he fantasizes about having you bent over his desk and, fuck, it drives me mad.”

“You wish he fantasized about having you bent on his desk?” You joke, smirking.

He groans. “No, I hate the way he looks at you, and talks to you, the last thing he had to do today was to call you a good girl in front of the whole class.”

Your lips curl in an amused grin, but your heart —and something else— flutter at the way he says ‘good girl,’ you try not to show it and go on with your teasing. “Not my fault I’m good, and I’m interested in his subject.”

“Your fault you lick his boots,” he groans, pushing you flat against the door, standing so close to your nose. “I know you’re smart and you don’t need to ride a dick to be first in class but…” he stops, inhaling your scent, and leaning against your forehead.

You lift his head with two fingers under his chin, and lean in, whispering, “you still want to see me bent over a desk, and you want to be the one railing me, isn’t it?”

He doesn’t reply, not verbally at least. The only answer is a guttural moan and two arms lifting you, making your legs wrap around his waist as he kisses you roughly.

“Hyuck,” you moan into the kiss when he starts walking toward the desk, sitting you on the edge.

“Yeah?”

“We can’t — we — this is, we can get expelled…”

He snickers. “Be quiet and nobody will even hear us.”

“What if they lock us inside?”

“Shut up,” he groans again, kissing you another time as his bag drops on the floor. “You drive me so fucking mad, you have no idea.”

You snicker under your breath, but your heart loses a beat when his hands roam on your thighs, moving closer and closer to your heat. “Wait,” you whisper.

“Wait, what?” He hums, cupping your chin and lowering your head, staring straight into your eyes. Haechan scoffs when your thighs squeeze against each other and he can see you gulping. “Don’t act like you don’t want this,” he whispers, leaning closer to your lips, making you believe he’ll kiss you, but you only get a taste of his thumb rubbing over your full lips, “don’t act like you don’t want me.”

“Haechan!” You scream when he rips off your tights, the tear of the fabric resonating in the room as you look down in shock. “I’m gonna kill you,” you groan but he’s not bothered in the slightest.

“They were getting in the way, and I get rid of everything that gets in my way,” he says with a smirk.

You laugh mockingly. “Then why am I still here?”

His brows furrow and a small pout forms on his face but he shrugs it off. “I’m taking care of you, I told you,” he groans, kissing you harshly. “You’re not winning the war.”

“Oh, and your military strategy is to fuck me?”

“Yeah, until you forget everything.”

You huff loudly when he finishes ripping the tights from your legs, the only pieces left the ones trapped in your shoes, and you’re glad the skirt is long enough to don’t make you freeze on the way back home.

“So much better,” he says proudly, staring at his work of art, letting his hands wander on your now bare skin. “And, now, let’s find out if there’s a way to shut you up.”

You look at him in anticipation, waiting for his next move as if your life depends on it. And you hate to be so eager, you hate you fantasized on it more than you should’ve, but you want to know what his lips feel like. And it’s almost as if Haechan hears your secret thoughts.

“What do you want, sweetheart?” He taunts, kneading his fingers on your flesh.

“Nothing,” you mutter, trying to sound more confident than what you are.

Haechan laughs at you, shaking his head as he slowly gets on his knees, looking up at you. “You are always so fucking proud and annoying.” His hands rest on your knees before he pushes them far apart, forcing you in place as you uselessly try to close your legs. He tsk, shaking his head. “Don’t act ashamed, I’ve already felt you, and tasted you.”

You don’t reply. It’s hard to keep eye contact but this is bigger than sex, this is a game between you two and, he might not beat you in class, but he’s beating you right now.

His laugh brings you back to earth and you hate the smug smirk that’s sitting on his face. “So you do get quiet, thought I needed to give you a taste of my mouth to shut you up.”

You open your mouth to retort but the stern glare that flashes on his face is enough to put you back in your place.

“Good girl,” he says and your body trembles before you can even try to hide it. “Should I get a better taste of you?” He stares at you, waiting for an answer that doesn’t come, not like he wants to at least. “Use your words, babe. You know how to run that mouth when you want to, so, beg for it.”

“Fuck, no,” you retort, trying to move away but his hold on you doesn’t give any signs of loosening up.

“Okay, then,” he says, slowly standing up, and grabbing his bag. “See you around.”

“What?” You squeal, grabbing his wrist. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving,” he replies, shrugging.

“That’s not fair,” you reply, and he snickers.

“What? Are you wet? Do you want me?”

You don’t expect that reply and struggle to find the words, even more now that he’s standing between your open legs, keeping them apart, and his eyes are staring down at you, pinning you down in place. “I don’t want you,” you lie, swallowing the gulp in your throat when his right hand sits on your waist. “I just… I want to fuck.”

“Oh, do you? Well, there are plenty of people here, I’m sure many of them would want you. You know, even if you don’t pay attention to anybody, people look at you,” he whispers, caressing your jaw with his other hand. “First on the list is Professor Kim. Don’t you want to feel the thrill? Come on, go to his office now, so I can have something to hold against you forever.”

You chuckle. “Yeah? Want to blackmail me so I can do all the essays for you? Maybe you’ll get the best grades like this,” you tease, pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt and making him groan.

He licks his lips, staring at yours, and you smirk. “I don’t need you to be first, and you know it.”  

“Do I?” you tease. “Want to be first at something?”

“Don’t,” Haechan warns, eyes darkening even more while the tent in his tight pants becomes even more evident.

“What? You can be the first one who fucks me on a desk if you quit playing hard to get.”

“I’m not playing hard to get,” he replies, leaning even closer, your bodies are pressed together and you can feel his hard dick press against you. “I won’t be the one begging, especially to eat you out,” he groans, cupping your chin unexpectedly. “Don’t act as if you didn’t think of this before. I’ve seen the way you get lost in my fingers when we study together. You see me twirl a pen in my hand and you wish I was inside you, don’t you? And when we argue? There’s always a small fragment where you lose focus and stare at my lips. Where do you want them, honey?”

Your brows furrow but your entire body reacts differently, a small shake, while wetness pools down your panties, soaking them even more, and your eyes close because you can’t bear his smug glare.

“I said,” he urges, giving a quick squeeze to your chin, “where do you want my lips?”

“On — on me,” you breathe out, voice muffled by the firm hold on your face.

His lips twitch as he leans closer and kisses your cheek. “Here,” he says, holding back a laugh when your eyes widen. “That was where you wanted them, right?”

“Oh, fuck off, you know what I meant,” you huff.

“No, I’m the dumb one, remember? You are smarter than me, you know everything. I’m always a step behind, I need you to guide me step by step,” he mocks in a condescending tone, pouting.

You take a deep breath. “I hate you.”

“Oh, I know,” he laughs. “But if you use just three magic words I’m sure you’re going to love me for a while.”

You don’t want to give up but you’re on fire, and you fear that the more time passes by the more someone could find you out.

“I’ll ask nicely one last time,” he whispers against your lips. “Then I’ll ask you to do something for me and you’ll lose my lips for the second time. Where do you want them?”

“On my pussy,” you whisper, not meeting his eyes.

“Fucking finally,” he laughs. “Was it so hard Miss big brain?”

“Stop mocking me!”

“Mocking you?” He asks, getting on his knees again before grabbing your panties to pull them down. “I might hate you but it would be dumb to not recognize your qualities, right?”

You don’t reply, you have other things to worry about. For example, your mortal enemies kneeled between your legs in an empty class of your Academy, staring into your soul, ready to eat you out.

“So, since you’re so good with words, here we go again. Beg.” Haechan craves putting his lips on you just as you do, but this is the only moment he can have some power over you. And after the humiliation of today’s class, he has to make you pay for it a bit. Or maybe he just wants to hear that even if you’d choke him and slap him, you still want him.

“Please, Donghyuck, please,” you plead, looking into his eyes.

He’d love to hear you beg for him more, but the way your cunt is dripping on the desk is already enough to tell him how much you want him, and for now, it’s enough.

When his lips come in contact with your skin your legs immediately hook around his shoulders and you can feel the chuckle on your wet folds.

“Eager, honey?”

“Just, please, eat me out already,” you barely have time to finish that he stops playing around and starts moving his mouth on you. Your head falls behind while your thighs squeeze tighter around his face. Your hands clench on the edge of the desk as you try to keep your balance, but it gets harder with every lick of his tongue.

“Keep quiet, the door is closed not locked,” he reminds you, pulling away from you just to pick up again.

You try to don’t be too loud, but he’s better than you expected and maybe this was the wrong time to try this out. You should’ve simply begged him to fuck you, but now that you’re in the middle of this, the last thing you want is to stop him.

One of your hands is brave enough to let go of the hold on the desk and reach his hair to push him closer to your body, surprising him.

Haechan always thought you were much more shy than this, honestly, he didn’t even hope much for this to happen. But you surprise him, not only you let him have you in a random class at your university but you are also pushing him closer.

“You are eager,” he muffles against you, he can’t pull away when you’re pressing him down with so much force, but the way you’re acting is setting him on fire. He loves hearing you moan and whimper, not a word coming out of your pretty lips to confront him, just bliss on your face and voice. And that pushes him to give you even more, putting his entire self into eating you out until he almost drags screams out of you, making both of you forget where you are.

You’re not sure how many minutes pass by but when the orgasm rushes in your body you feel it’s too close. You’d probably force him down for another round if you were in any other place but you don’t feel brave enough.

“So? Disappointed?” He asks, cleaning his chin as he stands up, reaching you again. “Don’t lie, you’re still dripping down the desk, you’re even more turned on than last time.”

“I’m not,” you lie. You know you are, and Haechan knows it too.

“What is it? The thrill of being caught? My skills? Just me, or something else?”

You don’t know why you reply with what you reply, but you do. “Maybe someone else,” you tease, not even sure he’ll take the bait, but he’s too caught up in you to see the games you’re playing.

“Yeah? And who’s that?”

“See, I always believed you were perspicacious and could catch details, I can’t believe you didn’t get it. You’re so sure Professor Kim wants to fuck me, ever thought I want him too?” You bat your lashes and Haechan tries to silence a groan, but you feel his fists clench at your sides.

“Don’t play with me, I’m not falling for this.”

You shrug. “Fine, I’ll still think about him while you fuck m—” he shuts you up with a rough kiss, pushing you down the desk with a quick movement that makes your heart jump to your throat.

“He’s not even that hot,” he groans, turning you around before bending you on the desk, and pulling your skirt up around your waist. “And he’s not even that old, there’s not even the charm of the dilf.”

“He’s smart,” you talk back, not sure how much you can pull your luck.

Haechan scoffs, slapping your ass. “Not smarter than me.”

“You’re not the professor so…”

“A degree means nothing,” he says, his chest pressing against your back. “What’s that you like so much about him?”

You chuckle. You’re not sure if he’s playing into your game or is just so easy to fool, but either way, you decide to keep going. “Everything. Don’t you see him?”

Haechan groans. Out of all the people, out of all the professors, he has a very personal beef with him that started at the start of the year and the way you just praise him so much —even outside of this specific situation where he got you’re messing up with him— drives him insane.

“Because he’s the best at everything? Isn’t he?”

You nod, expecting him to talk back but the only answer you get is the sharp sound of his belt being pulled away from his pants and smacked against your ass. “Fuck,” you curse, hating the way your body buzzes with pleasure at the impact.

Haechan chuckles. “I wonder what he would think of you if he saw you like this.”

“He wouldn’t think,” you say. “He’d act, fucking me like I deserve instead of wasting time like you.”

When his cock fills you up with no warning you almost scream but his hand is quicker at reaching your mouth.

“Yeah, would he fuck you better?”

You groan in his hand, but your brain goes blank with each thrust into you, pulling his hips back before he snaps them forward, so forcefully that you slide upward on the desk and he has to pull you down so that your hips don’t hit the wood.

“Answer me,” he urges, making a makeshift ponytail with your hair to force you up. “Would he?”

“I… I don’t know,” you cry out, feeling him deep inside of you, filling you perfectly.  

“You just have to test me until I snap, don’t you?”

“He seems —fuck— fitter than you.”

Haechan snickers mockingly. “Yes? You want to be thrown around? Like you’re worth nothing? Do I have to do that to make you feel good?”

You shake your head, ass perking up, your feet on their tips as you try to keep balance.

“No? Is being fucked in a class enough for you? Does it satisfy your needs?” He hisses, eyes rolling back when he focuses them where your bodies meet, your cum dripping down his length and balls. He can’t believe how turned on you are. “Thought you were innocent but look at you.”

“Not my fault you don’t catch details,” you retort with a small bit of sanity —not really— you have in you.

“Details? Or maybe you’re just an actress. Making everyone believe you only think about grades and studies and here you are, drooling while I fuck you over a desk. Begging for my dick.”

You don’t even realize you are drooling down the desk and when you’re about to clean your chin, Haechan grabs your hands and pins them in place behind your back.

“No,” you whimper, falling flat with your chest pressing down the wooden table.  

“Yes, honey,” he mocks. “I want to see you become a mess for me. Should I take a snap of you like this? Send it to Professor Kim so he can see he will never have you like this?” He whispers against your ear. “Think I don’t know it was all a play? Not only you don’t like him, but you wouldn’t risk your reputation for a terrible fuck when you have a brain like yours.”

Your pussy clenches. It’s the way his voice sounds like velvet, it’s how deep it’s hitting you, it’s in his words, and the way it turns you on that your number one rival, the one that despises you, still knows your value.

“Still, I’m pretty sure he wishes he could see you like this,” he adds, biting your earlobe. “A shame he can’t, right?”

“Y-yes,” you mumble in a pathetic wail.   

“But maybe I could still keep it to myself,” his hips start moving with more force and you can’t hold back your moans as you clench around him. “Yeah? Want me to take a photo of you like this?”

You wish you could reply but words just don’t come out of your lips, brain emptying and eyes rolled back in your skull.

“Maybe another time,” he says, breath getting ragged as he keeps fucking into you with determination. “Don’t really want to pull away to take a pic of us.”

“There — there won’t be —fuck— another time,” you reply, forcing yourself to speak.   

Haechan snickers. “The mess between your legs tells me otherwise,” he mocks, reaching in front of you to play with your clit, making you shake. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, you deserve good things, even a good fuck from me.”

“Too much,” you cry out, feeling your eyes getting wetter as the orgasm starts choking you.

“No, you just haven’t had a decent orgasm in ages,” he retorts.

“Shut up! You know —shit— you know nothing.”

“Honey, I can only imagine you playing with yourself, but your hands or toys don’t come close to me,” he says, so smugly you can feel the smirk on his face.  And you can’t even retort because —as much as you hate it— he’s right.

“Come here,” he says, putting a hand over your shoulders to pull you closer to him. “Are you close?”

You nod, biting your lower lip until it bleeds because you’re sure the sound of your ass slamming against his hips is already a giveaway of what’s going on inside this room. You clench around him when he bites down your shoulder to muffle a louder groan as his hips start moving faster as he chases his climax.

You feel your legs give up as the second orgasm hits you and you hold against the desk again because you don’t know where else to hold on to. Haechan tries to keep his curses low, sticking his face in the crook of your neck and you feel you could come again just by his voice alone; his moans the pretties sounds you’ve ever heard.

“Oh god,” you breathe out when he gently lets go of your body and you can relax on the hard surface again, squirming in discomfort when he pulls out of you.

“I hope you didn’t tear my panties apart, too,” you say, rolling on your back, making him laugh.

“Don’t move, you’ll stain the skirt, it’s the only clean thing on the table,” he says, grabbing a napkin to prevent you from making even more of a mess.

“And who’s fault is that?” You ask, glaring at him.

“You should just thank me for the orgasm, better, two orgasms, I gave you.”

You huff, rolling your eyes, but still letting him clean you up, after all, the cum was his, so it’s his place to clean it. After you’re sure you won’t ruin the last untouched piece of clothes you have, you sit up, taking your —uncomfortably— wet panties to put them on.

“So…” he whispers as he cleans up the rest of the mess on the table and shoves your broken tights in his bag, “it was just for fun, right? You have no intentions with Mr…”

You break down laughing. “You’re so easy to fool. You seriously think I’ll ever let him see me like this?”

Haechan scoffs, finishing fixing his clothes before walking to the door. “It’s not about what you would do, is if you think of him.”

“I don’t,” you reply, following him even if you feel like your legs could give up any second. “I wonder if your jealousy was also a play,” you tease, nudging him as you two walk down the corridor to leave.

“It wasn’t jealousy, you would just have terrible taste if you truly liked him, and I have beef with him.”

You chuckle, deciding to believe him.

“Wait,” he says, stopping to search for something in his bag.

“I’ll go for the door, reach me,” you say, starting to head on, you’re not even sure you two could be there at that time. “Lee Donghyuck,” you curse when you try to push open the front door. “What did I say?”

He walks toward you nonchalantly and shrugs. “Yeah?”

“They locked us in!”

He smiles, shaking his head, and grabbing your hand. “Can you run?”

“What?” You blink a few times, trying to understand how his question fits the situation.

“After I fucked you like that, can you run?”

“Shush,” you scold, fearful someone might hear, you’re not sure who since you seem to be completely alone, but better safe than sorry. “And no, I don’t know, I… why would we run?”

“Do you trust me?” He asks, reaching out his hand for you to take.

“No,” you say resolutely.  

“Good,” he smirks before he starts running into the corridors, giving you no chance but to follow him, cursing and damming every life decision that led you here, with cum threatening to leak out of you after you finished having sex in the class of your Academy and are now running to go God knows where, locked inside the institute.

“Hyuck!” You scream when he runs up the stairs and you swear you never felt so much adrenaline rush in your blood but when he looks back for a second and shows you his big bright smile with his hair falling in his face perfectly, you swear the world stops and all your worries are lifted from your shoulders. Maybe you trust him. Maybe you need to be this carefree sometimes.

Your heart jumps in your throat when he pushes open an emergency door and the mild breeze of March runs over you. You breathe in deeply, pushing into your lungs the air and the first early spring scent, letting the wind play with your hair and your clothes while your hand never lets go of his.

And then you both start laughing. Never looking back, and terribly looking forward, watching your steps as you run down the emergency stairs. You laugh, and you’re happy and you can’t believe your fingers are still intertwined with the ones of your mortal enemy.

When you reach the ground floor, hidden in the back of the palace where the sun doesn’t shine, there are still some tears spilling out of your eyes. You two pant, trying to catch your breath, and look at each other before you have to look away or else you will start laughing again.

You can’t believe you followed him blindly.

Your hands are still intertwined.

With each passing day, Haechan is convinced he has a perfect plan. It’s all part of the original plan, but if he gets you to try out romantic things, not only will he distract you from your perfect grades but he will also make you come up with a song that will give him a perfect score.

There are some small details that Haechan didn’t even consider. Detail number 1: where this could lead you two and your relationship. Detail number 2: that while distracting you, he will inevitably distract himself. But he doesn’t get it until it’s too late.

Haechan can’t remember when you started to dress up so much every time you hang out. You always dress well, or maybe he is biased for thinking that even the most basic white turtleneck shirt and cargo pants when you are too done with life to put up your skirts, dresses, or cutely styled other types of outfits, look amazing on you. Yet, during these last few dates, you started doing more, playing more with your hairstyles, trying different make-up, and always looking perfect in whatever clothes you put on your body.

Haechan hates you. Now more than ever because this was supposed to be your silly little race to the top of your second academic year and yet here he is, feeling his heart pound in his throat as you walk toward him. With your hair in a slicked-back ponytail, a freaking heart-shaped side part, your short red dress, while the white cardigan covers your arms and shields you from the light breeze, and your red short heels tap on the asphalt and bring his attention to the white socks that reach you right below your knees, while your hand clench around a heart-shaped bag.

He hates you because he wants you too badly and he’s terrified this is crossing the lines of bland and stupid physical attraction.

You smile, calling him Hyuck and he’d love to scream because he can’t be so smart and yet so dumb at the same time. But he tries to ignore it, and smiles back at you, addressing you with your surname so he can put some distance between you. You don’t even get mad anymore, it makes you smile tenderly as you lower your face to the ground and tangle your arm with his to walk to the car. Now he hopes that the old sardine can will make you two blow up, not to kill you, but to don’t make you accept a date from him anymore.

But that old car struggles but doesn’t crash, and drives you to the restaurant safely.

“This place is so pretty,” your voice rings in his ears, bringing him out of the thought he’s struggling with since you walked out of your apartment.

“Yeah, it’s musically themed, thought it was a good idea.”

“And the dishes also have song names? That’s the best thing I’ve ever seen,” your face lightens up when you scan the menu and in reflection, he does too.

What the fuck are you doing? He curses when he catches himself lost on you, too focused giggling like a child as you catch the references between the songs and the plates. You look like a cliché embodiment of love, and he thinks you’ve done it on purpose. It’s way past Valentine’s Day, but he feels that Cupid is flying right above you, ready to play him a dirty trick.

“So? You picked?” You ask, bringing him out of his thoughts, and he shakes his head, coughing while glueing his eyes on the menu.

“Nope, I’m a bit uncertain,” he says, pretending he wasn’t just too busy staring at you a few moments ago.

You laugh, humming. “Oh, I know.”

“What did you get?” He asks, meeting your eyes above the paper in his hand.

“I wanted to get the Summer 69’ appetizer first,” you reply and he smirks.

“Are you hinting at something?”

“Oh, shut up, you perv! It just looks tasty, there are different appetizers from different parts of the world and it’s a cold start.”

“Then we can take the big one so we can share?”

“Sure,” you reply, smiling at him. “Oh, and then ‘I wanna dance with somebody’ as the main dish.”

“Do you?” He winks.

“I’m not sending you signals, I’m just starving,” you reply, rolling your eyes, but he hears the low giggle that you try to hold back.

“Fine,” he smiles. “I’ll take ‘Maneater’ in your honour.”

“I’m a maneater? Oh, thanks, the best compliment ever actually,” you say playfully.

He smiles, stopping for a second after he hands you his menu. “You look beautiful tonight, by the way.” And when your mouth parts and no sound come out of it, he thinks he screwed it up. It’s not the first time he compliments you but well, the other times didn’t sound so serious.

But then your face breaks in a smile, and your eyes light up, shily diverting the gaze as you thank him before the waitress saves you both from the embarrassment that’s tangible in the air.

“Karaoke? Are you being extremely nice, borderline perfect, tonight so you can show me the biggest twist ever?” You gasp when the karaoke downtown enters your line of view. You’ve been walking for a while now since he couldn’t find a spot nearby, but he never mentioned where your next stop would be.

“I’m always nice to you when we go out on da— like this,” Haechan replies, opening the door of the place for you to get in first. “Also, since we’ll have to record the song soon, I think it’s time to test our vocal abilities.”

You giggle, waiting for him before you start walking to the desk to book a room.

“Karaoke is for fun, never to show off you’re like Celine Dion.”

Haechan chuckles, nodding in agreement while you reach the booth that the lady at the counter assigned you.

“Right, I’m more like Ailee, actually,” he jokes, closing the door behind you.

“Prove it to me, I always hear your mouth run to talk shit but never to sing melodies, so…”

“Should we go for a duet?” He asks, starting the TV to scroll down the songs listed.

“Nope,” you say, sitting on the couch. “A solo song first.”

“Fine,” he says, humming as the titles pass in front of your vision. “Mhh, what about Dean?”

“Love him, would love him more if he came back from the death and dropped another album of the year,” you say, sitting back to fully enjoy Haechan’s performance.

He chuckles at your comment. “This one was a painful reminder,” he says before clicking on “Instagram,” making the logo of the place appear before the countdown, signalling the beat was about to start.

You never thought you would find yourself so caught up in him but when he opens his mouth, you feel like you’re being taken to another world.

His voice sounds like honey, so raw yet so lovely. And as he keeps singing, you think that he would be wasted as a producer, a voice like his deserves to be heard by everyone. But when he finishes, you don’t show any of the emotions you felt.

“Your performance was very touching,” you say while standing up to grab your mic, “but I’m a performer, so I’ll go with Queen Britney.”

“Can’t wait to see your Superbowl worth it performance,” he snickers, sitting back against the small couch in the room as he watches you getting ready.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you start, winking at him and swinging your hips to follow the rhythm of the music.

Haechan would love to find it as funny as he does at the start, but when you start singing for real, and moving around in the small boot, he gulps, feeling the air around him starting to dim. And it only gets worse when you turn around and start to perform for him. Of course, you know the song by heart, you don’t need to read the words, and you don’t need them to change colour to know when each verse, chorus and bridge starts.

“Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart,” you wink, tilting your head to the side, still moving your body to the beat. He can’t tell, not right at the moment, but he thinks you’re replicating the choreography. That’s the last worry in his mind.

I played with your heart.

And Haechan thinks you really did that. This doesn’t feel like a game anymore, and not even like sex. He looks at you, even right now, that you’re sensually singing a Britney Spears song, and he can only fucking smile like an idiot.

“Wow,” you exhale when the song ends, fanning yourself with your hand, “it’s really hot in here.”

“It definitely is,” he whispers, drifting his gaze from you.

“So? How was I?” You ask, head tilted to the side, and a big, bright smile on your face.

“Good,” Haechan mutters, catching himself staring at you for too long again, shaking his head, the red blush on his face is humiliating. “You were good.”

“Yes,” you cheer, clapping your hands. “Should we duet, now?”

He hums, grabbing the remote again and searching ‘duets’ in the search bar. “Sad, sexy or silly?”

You roll your eyes. “Really?”

“What? I’m trying to understand the vibe we want to go with.”

“I’ll let you pick,” you say just to regret it when you see the song choice on the screen. “Seriously? Anything you can do?”

“What? It’s fitting for how relationship,” he says nonchalantly.

“That’s a crazy choice.”

“Worried you can’t actually do better than me?” He winks, passing you the mic as the song loads on the screen.

“You’ll see,” you challenge with a glare.

One minute into the song you regret having agreed to that, not remembering the last time you sang like this, but the look on his face when it’s time for you to hold a long note for 15 seconds is worth it. And it keeps going until the end, as you both surprise each other with all the skills that this song requires.  

“Wow, you’re good,” you both say when the song ends and you break down laughing, a sound that grows bigger when the screen lights up to show a perfect score.

“Maybe we make a great couple together,” you say, laying back on the couch, tired from the singing.

Haechan turns to you, smirking and nodding. “I guess we do.”

You sit up, resting your chin on his arm. “Can you take another one?”

“Oh, don’t test me, baby.”

“So, ice cream is good for vocal cords?” You giggle as you walk to the side of the Han River with the ice cream in hand. It seemed like Haechan didn’t want to end the night anytime soon, but you don’t feel like complaining.

“Yeah,” he hums with conviction, licking another stripe of chocolate.  

“On which book you’ve read this scientific fact?”

“The ice cream ghost came to me one night and whispered the secret to my ear,” he jokes, making you laugh.

“Uhm, yeah, I think that ghosts are much more reliable than old men in white coats in a lab,” you joke, but then you remember something you wanted to talk about since you’ve walked out of the karaoke. “Mhh, you know what I was thinking?”

Haechan shakes his head, waiting for you to talk.

“I think we’re going down the wrong path with our song,” you voice out. “Especially me. A warmer, darker, I dare to say more sensual vibe, fits us better.”

Haechan chuckles and you glare at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” he giggles, but he can’t lose against you so he goes on. “That’s the production, you know?”

You huff, rolling your eyes, and jumping on the handrail to sit. “I never said it wasn’t important.”

“Whatever,” he snickers. “So I have to scrap everything I’m working on?”

You shake your head, cleaning your hands after swallowing the last bite of the cone. “No, I was thinking about the second base you were working on, the one with the guitars and violins, remember?”

He hums, but he’s dangerously close to you, and you don’t understand why his hands wrap around your waist.

“I think we could use that and —” you gulp when he places his feet on the handrail under you and reaches your height, “and then I can change small things of my — my writing to fit more. What do you think?”

He smiles before it turns into his usual smirk. “I still think you’re worrying too much and you’re not letting it come to you,” he whispers, and the air of his breaths puffs on your lips before he erases the space between you and kisses you.

You feel your breath taken away as you feel like you’re falling behind in the river as the wind blows harder and your hands immediately leave the handrail to reach for him.

You’re not sure that wasn’t an attempted murder from him, but you can’t care when you feel your heart flutter and your legs give up as he deepens the kiss.

“Let it flow,” he whispers, kissing you again, whispering against your lips, “and the song will come at you.”

You know it’s not what he’s talking about, but you kiss him again, this time pushing him down so your feet are on the ground again. Your hands are holding tight on his sweatshirt as you pull him even closer and he does the same wrapping his arms around your frame tighter.

You find yourself in the same position in the living room of his apartment, struggling to make it to his bedroom without waking some of the others up. Not that you care much, it would be fair payback for all the chaos they make when you and Haechan are studying together.

The clothes fall on the floor as quickly as he’s on top of you on the bed.

“I hate that I have to ruin your pretty face,” he whispers, fingers deep inside your sopping wet cunt, pumping in and out painfully slowly as he stares at your face, a cute mix between ecstasy and annoyance because he’s giving you something but not enough. “The red eyeshadow looks really good on you, you know?”

You groan, rolling your head back. “It’s not time for compliments.”

“I’ve been complimenting you all night,” he says, teasing your clit with flicks of his thumb but without giving you much. “It is a shame you will look like a mess once I’m done with you.”

“We can’t be loud,” you say, hating that, for one reason or another, you two always have to keep quiet.

“Nah, Jeno has his headphones on playing games with Yangyang. Renjun has headphones on with music to don’t listen to Jeno. Mark’s not home and not even bombs wake Jaemin up.” The explanation is particularly non-sexy now that he has his fingers inside of you and it doesn’t make you relax much, but you hum nonetheless and beg him to keep going.

“Patience, honey. We’ve got all night,” he smirks.

“Yeah but —”

“Ah, ah,” he says, clicking his tongue and silencing you with a finger on your lips. “What did I tell you before? Let it flow.”

“It was different it was —ugh,” you mumble when he covers your mouth with his hand, eyes widening before they narrow to send him a deadly glare, but he only smirks. He has control now. He always does when he has you underneath him, he still has to fight with you a bit, but you both know this is the only time he can ever win against you. And tonight is special, he wants you to let go of the reins completely, he wants you brainless, because even if your brain is the sexiest thing of you —yeah, yeah, and the thing that is making his college years hell on earth— your brain is also the thing that makes you obsess over the smallest thing and doesn’t make you follow your heart so freely.

Yeah, tonight Donghyuck wants you free, but for the sake of the dirty talking later —and to fool himself he doesn’t care about you that much— he’s going to say he wants you dumb.

And he’s starting strong tonight, his beautiful, long fingers reaching deep inside you, hitting right against your sweet spot, causing so much cum to pool around them and drip down while your pussy clenches hard and your hips buck up to ride the pleasure with him. And you don’t have it in you to fight; it feels too good, especially when he starts rubbing your clit and whispers dirty talk about how well you’re taking him.

Your eyes flutter open, just in time to catch the proud smirk on his face as he stares at your body, you dare to say, in awe. It shouldn’t warm your heart, but it does. You don’t even care if he sees you like a prize he won, right now, because even if he does, you know he only fights hard to win the trophies he cares about. He wants you, he likes you, even. Between the hate and the tension, something about what attracts you two together makes this work. And it’s fine.

“Hyuck,” you breathe out, chest panting and toes curling as you feel the familiar knot in your stomach. But you don’t expect the next words that come out of your mouth. “Kiss me.” When you realize what you said, you anticipate him mocking you, your ears already hear the snicker you know, oh so well, but it never arrives. What arrives are his lips on yours as he leans down, pressing his chest against yours while his fingers keep working wonder inside you.

The kiss is passionate, but not rough like the ones you’re so used to sharing. There’s no anger in it, just need and greed, and chemistry. So much chemistry, your hands have to run in his hair and tug them, making him moan and his dick throb against your thigh.

“I want you so bad,” he slurs against your lips. “I will do some dumb shit one day for you.”

You don’t get what he means. You don’t even know what he could mean by that given the nature of your bond, but his words, mixed with the sultry tone of his voice, are enough to make you come. You barely register the orgasm, hitting you like a singular explosion of a firework, leaving you gasping, exploding as quickly as it came yet slowly running through your bones as the feeling tones down.

Haechan snickers softly. “You love it when I get in trouble for you, don’t you? Even when it’s just a promise.”

Your lips part to reply but he shuts you with a kiss. “No talking, not unless I tell you to. I know everything I need to know, your body tells me that,” he says, grinning like an idiot when he shows you his cum coated fingers, tapping them against your lips, silently ordering you to taste yourself. You would never do that, but tonight it’s like he’s commanding you like a puppet on a string, and you obey. Closing your lips around him and sucking hard.

He smirks, feeling his dick get even harder as he stares at your lips. “That’s what I do to you, pretty girl. And I’m not even started.”

Your pussy throbs in anticipation while he pulls his fingers out. You know he’s one to keep promise, and you can’t wait for what’s to come. But he’s taking too long, and you can feel his hard dick against your leg, so your hand creeps down to touch it.

“You’re not in command tonight, angel,” he says, grabbing your wrist to stop you from moving your hand on him.

“But I want you,” you whine, trying to win him with a pouty look on your face.

It doesn’t work as he pushes your hand over your head and leans in. “Patience, princess. Keep quiet, don’t be greedy and just trust me. Can you do that? Or is it too hard for you?” He groans against your ear, making your hips buck up.

“I — I can,” you whisper but he stops with a glare and your brain replays his words ‘quiet, no words from you tonight,’ and he means it. So you nod, breathing in deeply as you feel weak in the knees for the way he looks at you.

“Good girl,” he says, pushing up to stand between your legs, pushing them open.

When he slips inside you, you gasp, dragging your nails on his back. “Are you alright?”

You nod, forcing yourself to look into his eyes.

“Good, and now,” he whispers, kissing your lips, and dragging out of you, “I want you to give into me and completely turn your brain off. You have me, that’s all you need right now.”

When he starts moving in and out, your body succumbs to the pleasure. Your muscles relax as you let him take care of you. His lips trace over your sensitive skin, leaving kisses on your neck and chest. His hands run over your body, touching and squeezing every inch. And he reaches so deep inside of you that you feel you can barely breathe.

“Just like this,” Haechan whispers close to your ear, gently biting the skin on your jaw. “Don’t think about anything,” he groans, hitting you deep after pulling out of you completely. “Not a single worry in that pretty brain of yours.”

You rarely let him win, but you have to admit that the way he makes you feel, the way he can lift all the stress off your shoulders, is a talent. He knows what he’s doing, and the scary thing is that he knows how to get you. So easily wrapped around his fingers, crumbling into nothing at his tiniest touch.

You whimper loudly when his fingers press against your clit, seeing stars at the new stimulation.

“You can take it,” he groans. You’re about to talk but he traps your lips in a messy, wet kiss as he pulls you closer by your waist, hitting even deeper. “You’re a good girl, right? You can take it.”

You’re doubtful, but you do take it, over and over again. You lose track of time and stop counting your orgasms after the third. There’s no need for that. All you need is the pleasure Donghyuck gives you, fucking you until both of you can’t do it anymore.

There’s nothing left once it’s over, no strength to talk or clean up the mess, just the warmth of your bodies cuddled against each other.

“Good morning, I will kill Lee Je — what the hell,” Renjun exclaims, entering the kitchen, making you turn around as if you’ve been caught stealing, holding the mug full of coffee in your hands and giving him a shy smile. “What are you doing here?”

You gulp, pushing your hair out of your face before coming up with a lie. “We studied too late.”

Renjun steps further into the room, staring at you with a raised brow before he tilts his head and studies how you’re dressed. You’re wearing Donghyuck’s sweater and pants.

“Oh, now they call it studying? Last time I checked you’re not med students, didn’t know music had anatomy in the program,” he taunts, grinning at you as he comes to your side.  

You choke on your saliva and don’t have time to come up with a reply because he strikes again.

“Oh, no, maybe you were exercising vocalization, it’s better when it’s done together, right?” He winks and you glare at him.

“It’s not what you think,” you lie, but honestly you feel so embarrassed about everything. You didn’t think anybody else would be up this early on a Sunday, but it’s clear you don’t know Renjun well. You could’ve left, but you didn’t want to. It was slowly starting to sink in that you didn’t like the solitude of your life anymore.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody,” he says, sitting in front of you. “Come here, don’t stay up.”

You do as told, and smile when he offers you a pack of biscuits. “I would’ve cooked something usually, but Jeno kept me up all night.”

You chuckle. “It’s fine, normally I don’t even have breakfast.”

“You don’t?” He gasps, and you nod.

“Yeah, just coffee.”

He looks down at you, shaking his head in disappointment. “It’s not healthy.”

“I know, I know, I’ll try to eat more, okay? For you.” You reach out your hand and he takes it.

A fit of cough brings both of your gazes to the door and you see Haechan stand against the frame. “Once it’s Jeno, another time it’s Renjun. I bring you home to study and you flirt with my friends.”

“Drop the bullshit, Hyuck. He knows,” you say, rolling your eyes.

Haechan’s eyes widen, but he slowly fakes indifference. “Knows what? That you don’t have time for a relationship so you can’t date him?”

“That you two fuck,” Renjun answers instead, making him cough.

“That’s not true,” he defends. “I hate her,” he says, laughing, but when he meets your eyes and sees them sadden, he feels pain in his heart. “No, no, I don’t hate her, but we’re… you know our relationship, why would we fuck?”

“Who’s fucking?”

“Not you, Jeno. Not you for sure,” Renjun says, rolling his eyes.

“Hey! Why do you always gotta be so rude,” Jeno whines.

“I doubt he’s not getting laid,” you chuckle, and Jeno winks playfully.

“See, words of a wise woman,” he brags, walking to the fridge to grab something.

Renjun sighs loudly. “A woman that doesn’t know you.”

“Would you fuck him?” Haechan asks out of nowhere and you glare at him.

“I just said that he’s hot and smart, I don’t see how he can have a hard time finding somebody,”

“’Cause he’s annoying,” Renjun answers, but Haechan’s not listening.

“I didn’t ask that,” Donghyuck says instead, his attention is all on you as if there’s nobody else in the room.  

“I don’t answer stupid questions,” you reply before sipping from your cup and drifting your gaze away.

“Wait, why are you here?” Jeno asks, only now realizing you’re not supposed to be at their place, not in the morning at least… wait… “Wait! Are you two fuck—”

“No,” Haechan answers sternly, glaring at him. “We’re studying. And it got late, so since we were closer to my place, I let her stay the night.”

“I thought you left yesterday saying you had a date, though,” Jeno says confused.

You chuckle under your breath before you feel Haechan’s hand wrap around your writs to pull you out of the room, not even giving you time to finish your coffee. “A studying date, and now drop it.”

When you reach his room, he groans loudly, walking to the closet to pick something to wear. You watch him move for a while, but then you can’t keep your thoughts inside your head anymore.

“Are you ashamed of me?” You ask and he turns around with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Am I something to be ashamed of? Do I don’t fit in the standard of the people you would usually fuck?”

He sighs, shaking his head. “No, I don’t want them to get invasive, they don’t let me live once they know something. And with you, it’s more embarrassing because of our history…”

You giggle, trying not to show the relief you’re feeling because, for a moment, you thought he was one of those types of men.

“Why can’t you ever make things easy for me?” He asks, annoyance in his voice. You have so much power over him, more than he likes to admit, and he feels like he can’t even be too mad at you about it.

“Sorry, it’s just, it’s funny having a history with you,” you explain. “My mortal enemy, always ready to steal my number ones, and my good grades.”

“You’re so annoying, you’re never sleeping over ever again.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I won’t let you fuck me ever again.”

“Liar,” he says. “And now move, I’ll drop you home.”

you can find part two on my account on the story masterlist or haechan’s masterlist (i can’t link it because if i do the post won’t appear in the tags)

general taglist: @froggyforhyuck, @wingsss45, @tddyhyck, @technologyculturedneo

fic taglist: @hcluvie, @gusgus0517, @multifandomania, @413cl, @odgsuji,

@hey-hey-heybitch, @nctrawberries, @n0hyuck, @haechoshi,

@girlwholoveslpreppyattire, @viciousdarlings, @hyuckmoon,

@jaeymark, @hqech, @xntlax, @milkyway-vxm, @fullsunahceah,

@beomgyusonlywife, @toroufriteh, @yesohhsehun @shxnz

@haecastor, @hyucksaint, @sk8ermark, @midnightrained

@maiteeeeesstuff, @smwhrinthehaze, @yoursyuno

© neowinestaindress ; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours. 

[i2rizz]

I've seen how long an Uno game can run, especially with you add crazy mechanics. lol!

Blue Lock canonically only allows guys to compete within it. How would Isagi, Kaiser, Rin & Sae react to finding out one of the top 5 highest bids is actually NOT a guy (the Reader who snuck in and survived)?

This is is such a greatt idea ugh. Blue Lock is an intense male-dominated environment, so the reveal that one of the highest-ranked strikers is actually a woman would be crazy af

Here’s how I think Isagi, Kaiser, Rin, and Sae would react

Isagi Yoichi

At first, Isagi would be shocked. Not because he thinks a woman couldn’t compete, but because he genuinely didn’t suspect anything. He’s been playing against you, analyzing you, and even losing to you at times—and he never once picked up on it. That would mess with his ego a little.

But after that initial surprise? Isagi wouldn’t care. If you made it this far, it means you’re damn good. The Blue Lock system doesn’t care about gender(kinda does? Bare w me)—it cares about ego, and clearly, you have it. In fact, he might even respect you more for suviving in such an environment. If anything, it just fuels his drive to beat you properly, this time knowing exactly who he’s up against.

"You fooled all of us… but that doesn’t change a damn thing. You’re still my rival, and I will devour you" (Ik what i did there)

Michael Kaiser

Kaiser would be amused as hell. He’s the type to enjoy chaos, and this revelation? Absolute gold. He’d mock everyone who got outplayed without realizing it, all while giving you that cocky smirk.

"So, you played the entire system and made fools of us all? You might actually be my favorite person here"

However, deep down, he’d respect it. If you’ve earned a top-five bid, it means you’ve humiliated some of the best strikers in the program.But that wouldn’t make him go easy on you. If anything, Kaiser would take it as a personal challenge. He’d test you, push you, and maybe even enjoy making you prove that you belong at the top.And let's be honest, he'd totally flirt just to throw you off your game.

"I wonder… was I fooled, or did I just not care? Either way, you’re still beneath me"

Itoshi Rin

Rin would hate this at first. Not because you’re a woman, but because you managed to deceive him. He prides himself on his sharpness, on being smarter than everyone else—and yet, you got past him.

"Tch. This is ridiculous. How the hell did I not notice?"

But the moment the shock fades, Rin would settle into his usual hyper-competitive mindset. If you’ve made it this far, it means you’re a real threat, and that means you’re just another obstacle between him and being the best. He might secretly respect your audacity, but he won’t say it. Instead, he’d be more determined than ever to crush you on the field.

"It doesn’t matter who you are. You’re in my way, and I’ll destroy you like I do everyone else"

Itoshi Sae

Sae would probably be the least fazed. He’s seen enough prodigies in his career to know that talent transcends gender. If anything, he’d be more annoyed that it was kept a secret for so long.

"Huh. That’s a pain. Whatever"

If you’re in the top five bids, then in his mind, you deserve to be there. No extra praise, no special treatment—just acknowledgment that you’re skilled enough to own your position. However, he might secretly admire the audacity of sneaking into Blue Lock and winning. That kind of boldness is rare, and Sae respects winners.

"You survived in that shitty system? Guess you’re not completely worthless"

None of them would write you off just because you’re a woman. If anything, your ability to thrive in Blue Lock would make them take you even more seriously. Isagi would be determined to beat you, Kaiser would find the whole thing entertaining, Rin would be pissed but hyper-focused on surpassing you, and Sae would acknowledge you in his usual dismissive way.

Now, if you had a playstyle that actively messed with their egos? That’s where things would get really interesting.

Bonus: General Reactions from Others

• Bachira would be thrilled and probably say something like, "Damn, I knew you were different! This makes it even more fun!"

• Kunigami would take a moment to process before ultimately deciding that if you earned your place, then that's all that matters.

• Shidou... oh god. He would not shut up about it. Probably making all sorts of inappropriate remarks just to get under your skin.

Ego? Chances are damn high that he knew from the start, but was curious to see how far you'd make it

•Ego is the one person who probably knew the entire time but just didn't care because, at the end of the day, all that matters to him is talent and results. He's probably watching from his dark little room, slurping his noodles, thinking, "Interesting. Let's see how far she can go before someone figures it out"

And when the reveal finally happens? He's just sitting there, completely unbothered, like:

"Oh? You just now figured that out? Tch. What a bunch of idiots"

He'd 100% throw in some speech about how "football doesn't care about gender, only results" and probably taunt the guys for being so shocked when you were clearly better than most of them anyway.

Honestly, it'd be the ultimate flex to know Ego had the power to expose you at any moment-but he chose not to, just to see if you were really worthy of the spot you fought for.

[dangermousie]

2024 list - cdrama edition

Yes, it's cdrama world so even though December is halfway though, they may drop 10 more dramas I will check out between now and 2025. But if I wait, this will never get done and it can always be updated, so here we go. This has been one of the best cdrama years for me!

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2024; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. As always, very subjective.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

61 My Divine Emissary - it’s actually a pretty good drama year when the worst cdrama I’ve checked out this year is merely utterly shrill and brain dead but not horrifyingly offensive to good taste.

60 Are You the One - no you are not. There are objectively worse dramas I've ranked higher but this is here because I am annoyed at the waste of Zhang Wanyi and this drama's popularity and douban rating. I am a petty bitch.

59 Fight for Love - they had wonderful actors and a great premise and utterly wasted it. There might someday be a good drama about a female general torn between a royal and an enemy general but this ain’t it.

58 Peacock in Wonderland - I am a few decades too old for this brain dead fest but I am glad Zhou Jun Wei is not canceled at least.

57 Her Fantastic Adventures - honestly, this, MDE and Revenger are all the same type of subgenre - they aren’t offensive they are just as empty as air. This also suffers from casting an utter dud as ML and a charisma boat as SML. Why?

56 Lady Revenger Returns from the Fire - the main thing I remember from this is that Miles Wei must have stolen the wig maker’s parking spot. That wig is the one that should have gone into the fire.

55 Fox Matchmaker: The Red Moon Pact - it’s so pretty, so full of gorgeous costumes and actors and I enjoyed the first few eps, but ultimately it was like watching colorful paint dry. It was so dull, I couldn’t even hate watch it, and that is more damning than anything.

54 Your Trap/Imprisoned Love - the plot of this mini made no sense but the softcore vibes of sanitized 1990s cinemax were on point!

53 The Unexpected Marriage - cutesy dumb period romcom. Could be worse, not that this is much of a praise.

52 Love’s Rebellion - so twee, so precious, so full of cutesy awful CGI and actors who aren’t bothering. I am not sure why Zhang Linghe and Jing Tian are in this mess that looks like rainbow vomited on a xianxia set.

51 My Wife’s Double Life - her life may be double but her brain is only half.

50 Jade’s Fateful Love - I lost some braincells trying this one, but (a) it’s gorgeous and (b) no transmigration say you? Multiple transmigration in first ep alone! Good for you, makers!

49 Follow My Heart - how do you have Luo Yunxi, Song Yi and Cheng Lei and waste them so utterly? First few eps were nice and then it’s like exercise in how much you can tolerate before you call it quits.

48 The Story of Pearl Girl - almost made me dislike ZLS and LYN and that's a feat. Dull and stupid and pointless from beginning to end.

47 Brocade Odyssey - more like Snooze Novella.

46 Melody of Golden Age - see write up for FMH because it fits here. This is bland with a side of bland.

45 The Legend of Taotie - an unequivocally bad drama but the look is such a nostalgia trip and I had fun.

44 Sword and Fairy 4 - it’s kinda a mess but I loved the actors and some of the plots and you can do worse.

43 Dawn Amidst Hidden Clouds - I enjoy watching Chang Huasen as a ML but the rest is eminently forgettable.

42 Blossoms in Adversity - dumb as a set of particularly dumb bricks and ML I don’t think could act if his life depended on it, but it was strangely addictive and I watched it often before better dramas. It’s just a genuinely good time somehow!

41 Judge Dee - it’s not you it’s me in action. It’s smart and gorgeous and well acted, I just don’t do procedurals.

40 The Substitute Princess’ Love - it’s like some of those trashy web novels I enjoy. It was clearly cut, its budget was equivalent to loose change found in the pockets of makers of Fox Spirit Matchmaker, but it was a surprisingly fun watch, though I enjoyed the first half better than the second. Also as a drama old, it was a fun blast from the past seeing Dylan Kuo (if you have never watched the old twdrama The Outsiders, what are you even doing with your life?)

39 Rise from the Ashes - a wacky as hell mini where reborn FL wreaks revenge with help of her fake uncle as they carry on as some sort of Borgia/Phillip II of Spain fame hybrid. If you don’t need to use your brain, you could have a worse time.

38 The Legend of Heroes - it suffered from me seeing other versions of this tale before that I liked more and not loving how dark looking it is but that cast is A+ and Wang Hongyi was a revelation as Yang Kang.

37 Beauty Strategy - a mini of what a few years ago would have been a proper angsty drama of palace scheming enemies while lovers, powerless emperor etc etc. Honestly, I loved it.

36 Lovesickness - this year’s gender-reversed Ancient Love Song, not as artistic or good but still a good time about a woman traveling back in time and falling for a powerful but doomed duke.

35 Fragments of Kylin - demon slayer falls for a demon; this one came out of nowhere and didn’t have much of a budget but is surprisingly lovely.

34 Love of Nirvana - the good parts are vvvvv good and points for making the emperor the villain, but it almost never emotionally grabbed me, and a lot of time was spent on narratives I had no interest in.

33 Enslaved by Love - the only reason it’s not the most fucked up drama on this list is because Shadow Sect, Palace Shadows and Burning Flames exist. The ML is toxic enough to be banned by the Geneva convention but FL does get some of her own back and also if you ever wanted to see blindness-curing sex, boy do I have a drama for you!

32 The Princess Royal/The Grand Princess - I am in the minority of finding this drama very mid. The acting was fine (except for former eunuch dude), the writing was fine, but I never really got invested alas. I don’t even know why. I think it’s just not my type of narrative; there was no intensity.

31 Secrets of the Shadow Sect - head of sect lady and her very very subby bodyguard. What’s not to love?

30 Palace Shadows: Between Two Princes - ML pretends to be his own twin, bdsm and sluttiness ensues. I cannot even explain how wild this drama is but the acting is on point and way way fun!

29 Dashing Youth - I had no expectations of this drama (was either indifferent to or disliked everyone in the cast, wuxia and wuxia-adjacent is rarely my genre, the number of characters is huge) but I loved how under its bright colors, it eventually gets very dark (it’s quite old school that way) and somehow I am invested in everyone in the huge cast. This being a prequel to The Blood of Youth makes us know the fates of many of the characters and this adds the air of tragic inevitability to it all.)

28 The Last Immortal - a surprisingly sweet and touching xianxia that works largely because Zhao Lusi and Wang Anyu are so so so so solid separately and together.

27 Burning Flames - the most gonzo drama on this list. I love it for committing to insanity as it should (if you pick insane source material, commit.) Humans taking on the worst Gods since Olympus, fur and chains, sentient crystal FL, ML who goes from Crown Prince to mine slave to rebel leader, bare chests and fur, demon elves, a villain that leaches color from the world - this drama has everything and I loved its unhinged glory.

26 Lost You Forever 2 - it would have been higher except it fell apart in the last third so badly I am still wondering how the makers could misunderstand their own characters and their own narratives so badly. The first season was a masterpiece. This is a hot mess.

25 Fateful Love - this was released after years in the dungeon and feels old school in the best way. It's what reading one of those OP FL web novels feels like, and the OTP is shockingly competent and adult. I loved that.

24 Love Game In Eastern Fantasy - excellent start, mid middle, and a terrible last third but I cannot have truly hard feelings since before it fell off, it really was fun.

23 Love in a Dream - it's a mini that has the most gorgeous cinematography I've seen all year except for Fangs of Fortune and Eternal Brotherhood. I loved the vibes and the story (though of course it suffered from mini running time constraints) and its feeling of tragic love and lost time.

22 Different Princess - a ridiculous amount of fun and ship about an author falling through to her own novel and falling for the villain.

21 Kill Me Love Me - the story is a mess and a half but the OTP gave me some incredible incredible scenes, and Wu Jinyan, Liu Xueyi and Baron Chen are gorgeous and acting their hearts out, plus the whump mmmm.

20 Meet You at the Blossom - this is a Thai/Taiwan/China coproduction so I am including it. It's my list! An uncensored BL adaptation with delicious dysfunction, sunshine x murder boy, angst, shippiness, groveling and wigs that are surprisingly decent for the budget!

19 Sword and Fairy 6 - I love this tale; the young OTP (a whale weapon and a clone of her trigger? More wholesome than you think) who are so ride or die for each other, the other amazing characters (sect leader who has to live as a man and her “twin” who is an ancient trapped spirit, a wolf demon, etc…) It’s just genuinely good and proof that targeted to younger audience doesn’t have to be bad.

18 In Blossom - sure, we all know JJY can’t act, but the narrative was so fun and the visuals were so gorgeous and Liu Xueyi so gorgeous and magnetic in his first proper Male Lead role, it was all worth it. I liked the first half when they were still cautious of each other more than the second but this is just a good time!

17 Snowy Night Timeless Love - a classic, tragic, romantic wuxia the way "they don't make it any more" only they did. Just lovely.

16 The Rise of Ning - such a pleasant, easy slice of period life with a side of revenge and fakecest (but only a teeny side.) Secondary characters are not particularly engaging and the plot suffers from being limited to 40 eps, but the main OTP is so enjoyable and Ren Min and Zhang Wanyi are doing such nuanced, lovely job that I can't even complain.

15 Hard to Find - my second favorite mini on the list, this is an aesthetic feast. The doomed couple from enemy kingdoms, the vengeance, the twists - if ever a mini deserved to be a proper drama, this would be it. But alas, if it was they’d probably not let it.

14 The Double - unhinged web novel vibe done so perfectly in the inimitable Yu Zheng style. The leads were so good even the amazing villains didn’t truly steal the show. Like with a lot of cdramas, it lost a lot of steam in second half for me, but still a great watch.

13 Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty 2 - I never like procedurals. Somehow both seasons of this show are the sole exception. It is so gorgeous, so impeccably acted, with such great characters. I cannot wait for s3.

12 Love in the Desert - a mini drama in story but with a proper budget and run time, this is such gorgeous sensual fun with a great main OTP, a truly incredible secondary OTP and some beautiful visuals.

11 Fortune Writer - the best mini this year and better than most “proper” cdramas (Douban raters agree), this tale of villains in love fighting the narrative has a lot to say about writing cliches and writing conventions. I love how clever it is and how it actually made me care for the characters.

10 Tender Light - except for that ending, this was in the running for my favorite 2024 cdrama. The writers’ lack of ability to commit and carry through pushed it lower but otherwise it’s a genuine masterpiece. The acting, the chemistry, the looping narrative, what it has to say about abuse and complicity of society and blazing your own moral path is something else.

9 Derailment - who knew a little quasi scifi modern would be this high but this one is amazing. If you watch one modern this year, make it this one. Our FL is a rich girl a little in the future who somehow wakes up in a different timeline a few years back in the body of that universe’s version of her (who is poor and has been missing) and her one connection is a young man who was in love with that universe’s version of her. I don’t want to say more so as not to spoil because the twists are twisty but this is EVERYTHING and also addresses transmigration, what it means to love, what is ethical etc etc. And that OTP!

8 Will Love in Spring - this is a year of miracles because I don't just have one modern among my favorites, I have a bunch. This is a gorgeous story about love and healing and awkward, scarred emotionally and physically people feeling if their odd angles and prickly flaws actually fit and working towards a future with fits and starts and it's just so chemistry driven, so tender, so gorgeous.

7 Snowfall - a fever dream of a vampire narrative set in an alternate universe of the Republican era, it’s gorgeous, passionate, hella queer and just like watching the most amazing fanfic come to life.

6 Heroes - a complete masterpiece about three men about to be on the scrapheap of history in the Qing Dynasty about to fall (a constable devoted to obsolete norms, who spent his whole life studying for the imperial exam which got canceled, the world’s best swordsman in the era of guns, and a former imperial guard who emerges from prison into a different world) whose stories intersect as they search for treasure and the women and other people in their lives. This is smart, impeccably acted, filmed in a stunning way, bleak and funny at once and - I don’t use the term masterpiece often but I will use it here.

4 (tie) Blossom - a romantic fever dream, with gorgeous damaged destined lovers. The director is the person who made A Familiar Stranger and Butterflied Lover into amazingness on a short run time and no budget, so when he actually has a proper run time and a budget - oh boy - it's romantic and beautiful and intense, a drama as opera.

4 (tie) The Legend of Shen Li - I am often indifferent to xianxia that suffers from too much CGI, hella immaturity and not enough stakes. Shen Li is everything. It’s gorgeously filmed, it’s adult, it gives the story time to breathe and centers it on characters and relationships. And the OTP is everything you can ever dream of - it reunites Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin, totally healing those Princess Agents wounds - their chemistry is still utter fire but the narrative supports them every step of the way.

3 Eternal Brotherhood - if JoL2/FoF did not come out this year, this would be my favorite cdrama of the year. It’s clearly a passion project with a small budget but this complex and grim tale of three rather different sworn brothers in a world at war is gorgeous, smart, well acted, dark and inspiring at once. There are shots that take my breath away, the love stories are amazing, the pace is perfect, and ohhh our complex mainsssssss.

1 (tie) Joy of Life 2 - (almost) nothing can beat this masterpiece. The first season was perfect and somehow the second is even more perfect. It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s heartbreaking, the cast is still impeccable and Zhang Ruoyun still gives a completely jawdropping performance as the focus of all the madness Fan Xian. If you watch only one cdrama this year, make it this one; well, this and Fangs of Fortune.

1 (tie) Fangs of Fortune - this is an emotional and visual feast, with such incredible characters, interesting explorations of fantasy and mortality and morality and what makes life worth living. It made awful actors good and mid actors amazing (and amazing ones extra amazing.) It is also the most stunning drama I've ever watched as well as throwing me back into what it's like to be immersed into an amazing fantasy book as a kid and the characters and the relationships and the themes sing to me. A miracle.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Fangs of Fortune - I have rarely seen a drama that speaks to me so personally, but it is also narratively perfect, emotionally devastating, with impeccable acting, complex characters and visuals that are beyond stunning.

Joy of Life 2 - there is not one second I forwarded, not one unnecessary scene, not one weak link character. It’s a smart, fierce masterpiece.

Eternal Brotherhood is a runner up - it came out of nowhere and owned my whole heart. It’s the sole other cdrama this year where I did not ff a second.

WORST DRAMA

My Divine Emissary may have been the lowest ranked drama on my list but honestly, a drama with a tiny budget and a bunch of nobodies does not deserve to be listed as the Worst. What does? Fox Spirit Matchmaker - a huge budget, fancy stars etc etc and yet it's a completely and utterly unwatchable mess. To make something this thoroughly dull is a genuine feat. I cannot think of a drama that insults its viewer more not just this year but any recent year.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Fan Xian (Zhang Ruoyun), Joy of Life 2 - how could it ever be anyone but smart, irreverent, fierce, broken, idealistic, funny Fan Xian. The man who fights against the horrors of the universe, who remains human while being so larger than life. This character is everything.

Or Zhu Yun (Hou Minghao), an ancient, irreverent, vivid, borken demon who wants to die even as he might finally find a reason to live in Fangs of Fortune.

Runner up: Zhou Luo (Zhang Xincheng), Tender Light - idealistic loner who refuses to compromise his principles even as it would be easier to, even as it destroys his life, ZXC has always been a solid actor but here he is beyond.

Alternatively, Zichuan Xiu (Yang Xuwen), Eternal Brotherhood - only way to describe Xiu is “trauma sunshine.” He’s funny, he’s irrevocably fucked up, he is magnetic and intense and he fights for his hopeless ideals and he breaks and he keeps going.

or Xing Zhi (Lin Gengxin), the lonely ancient god in Shen Li discovering the pleasure of life for the first time in aeons.

or Zhuo Yichen (Fangs of Fortune) - a traumatized idealist who goes through so much hell but retains his heart and his core of steel even as he grows up about complexities of the world and the human heart.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Shen Li (Zhao Liying), The Legend of Shen Li - so fierce, so certain, so alive. She is a goddess but ZLY made her feel so real.

Runner up: Nan Ya (Tong Yao), Tender Light - an abuse victim who keeps trying to find a way out, she’s strong and damaged and complex and honestly, one of the best performances this year.

Alternatively, Jiang Xiao Yuan (Liu Haocun), Derailment - she makes a character that in other hands would be boring or trite, someone I want to reach through to the screen and protect and love.

Or Mi Lan (Ouyang Nana), Snowfall - a tiny, suicidal, abused, seemingly helpless blind girl who decides she needs to protect a deadly ancient vampire as her reason for living and she is unstoppable, fierce and a force of nature in her goal.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

99% of the denizens of the town in Tender Light - selfish every day denizens monstrous because of their very everydayness - they watch abuse and choose to blame the victim and gossip and enjoy the view. I hated them all.

BEST BAD GUY

Li Lun (Fangs of Fortune) - with his glorious mane, equally glorious eventual redemption, and incredibly dramatic attitude to a bad breakup, that was a feast.

The Emperor (Joy of Life 2) - a magnetic monster, smartest and the most ruthless character in any scene - Chen Dao Ming gives an insane performance.

Wang Jia Luo (Heroes) - a revolutionary for conservatism, a young man with brains and ideals who gets destroyed by them, who out-Javerts Javert, his descent into villainy and inability to live in the modern complex world, is one of the most compelling and tragic arcs of the drama.

Shen Yurong (The Double) - both repellent and somehow sympathetic, it takes skill to make me feel for a man who tried to bury his wife alive in ep 1. The performance of the whole drama for me.

City Lord (Eternal Brotherhood) - an utterly vile toad of a man, with nothing truly human and yet hiding it under weak and caring facade. I need him taken out.

"HAROLD, THEY ARE LESBIANS" AWARD

Wen Xiao x Pei Sijing, Fangs of Fortune - Duh.

"HOW DID CENSORS NAP THROUGH THIS" AWARD

Vamp Daddy and Loser Li in Snowfall and the entirety of Fangs of Fortune.

MALE LEAD MOST LIKELY TO BE BROUGHT HOME TO MOTHER

No, thank you! The few modern ones she'd not approve of (a mortician with issues? A teenager? A man who had his memories rearranged?) and the period ones are no go since few moms would be keen on wild-eyed, bloodied sons in law however hot and long haired they may be.

FAVORITE SHIP

Dou Zhao x Song Mo, Blossom - one of the most perfectly in sync couples out there, smart, competent, different kinds of damaged, get each other before they love or even trust each other. Your OTP could never. Unless your OTP is them.

Fan Xian x Lin Wan'er, Joy of Life 2 - she is his peace and his haven and the place his busy mind can rest, he is her safety and happiness and ability to live and not exist. They are everything to me.

Shen Li x Xing Zhi, The Legend of Shen Li - the chemistry, the yearning, the slow inevitable collapse into admittance, the way he protects the world and she protects him, the way they dance around each other, her being the aggressor, his surrender to forbidden emotion, their utter mutual belief in each other’s competence. They are everything to me.

Whatever the throuple (with sides?) thing was going on in Fangs of Fortune - I've raved enough about it elsewhere but that was insane in its intensity and gorgeousness and emotion and narrative arcs.

Runner up: the OTP in Derailment - those two went through some mind and soul breaking stuff and made it out.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Hands down Ruo Wen x Ge Xinwei, Love in the Desert. An amoral, magnetic bandit leader and a princess gone wild on spring break stole the drama utterly. His unhinged energy was so matched by her sfl but with an appropriate target fixation. They made me swoon, laugh and cry.

Amusingly enough, Fu Xin Bo is the male actor in two - the crossdressing sect leader x wolf demon OTP in Sword and Fairy 6, and First Prince x Eldest Princess in Joy of Life 2. What can I say, man knows how to pick them. Those OTPs are both utterly adorable!

If we are talking about an OTP where it’s not that it’s not the main but it’s not a ship-centric drama so they don’t get much time, then we have Si Yilin x Ka Dan, Eternal Brotherhood - they are both such desperately good people in a mad world, tender with each other despite surrounding cruelty and Shen Zhiheng x Mi Lan, Snowfall - a vampire age gap romance done well, the ancient gentleman vampire and the tiny fierce blind girl who decides to protect him.

And of course Qing Geng x Fei, Fangs of Fortune - Ai Mi and Zuo Ye breaking my heart yet AGAIN.

NOTP

The couple in Fox Spirit Matchmaker - such pretty people, and so bland and boring and pointless together. It was kinda amazing.

HOTTEST SCENE

Ka Dan and Si Yilin (Eternal Brotherhood), the primmest, properest OTP of them all, consummate their love without any marriage, but with plenty of golden light.

FAVORITE SCENE

God, so many good scenes this year so far - Fan Xian watching the death of the old censor and the aftermath, in JoL2; his confrontation with Wan'er after she finds out about the truth behind her brother’s death, the scene where he poisons Second Prince, his scene with the registrar. Xiu giving up his future to protect the surrendered soldiers only to come back and find Di Lin executed them all in EB, the scene in Ning’s bedroom when he tells her how he really feels because she can’t hear, the very end of that season and Di Lin striding into the light, Ka Dan and SYL’s letters to each other. XZ literally defying heaven’s lightning and all their longing in Shen Li. The last scene of LYN and his girl in Heroes, the way Heroes always intercuts the golden past of the guard and princess and the dreary present (especially when we see her bicycle spin out of control back when and her husband lose it in the present and this time there is nobody to catch her), the big reveal in Derailment and the hairwashing scene, Mi Lan touching Vamp Daddy’s face as their thing in Snowfall, and the cage stuff, the aborted sex scene in Will Love in Spring, so many scenes in Fangs of Fortune but especially the aftermath on the stairs between ZYC and ZYZ post the latter's loss of control, the final sacrifice,Li Lun x ZYC x ZYZ battle against the bad guy, the whole plague demon storyline, ZYC becoming a demon, ZYZ having to slap himself to nerve himself to walk to his death, everything. And we haven't gotten to it yet, but the scene in all Blossom previews where Song Mo falls to his knees in front of Dou Zhao from a dead run is imprinted in me.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Shen Zhiheng (Gao Weiguang), Snowfall - Vamp Daddy made me hormonal in a way I haven’t felt for a cdrama lead since the heady days of Darren Wang in The Wolf. Those outfits, that hair, that height, that restraint, that lack of restraint. THE CHAINS

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Liu Duan Duan as Second Prince in Joy of Life 2 - what a performance! Unhinged, magnetic, pitiable, terrifying and always mesmerizing. The Second Prince is Fan Xian’s foil and a worthy one. LDD is always a great actor, and with a role that actually gives him something to sink his teeth into - wow!

Runner up - Baron Chen in Kill Me Love Me. It's the year of unhinged royal princes, I guess.

BEST COSTUMES AND WIGS

Fangs of Fortune - the whole design is exquisite!

MOST EXTRA OUTFIT

Burning Flames - this drama was a feat of extraness and that meant costumes but even among those, costumes worn by Peter Ho's human king and Jeremy Tsui's psychotic god stood out.

FAVORITE SECONDARY ML

Wu Shan, Blossom - this man is a literal sunshine angel.

MOST BLATANT INNUENDO MOMENT

The Double - As our FL fondles her wet flower petals in the bath, our ML wields and swings his giant sword shirtless in the rain. That was eye popping.

FAVORITE 2024 CDRAMA SONG

This Chen Xueran song from Eternal Brotherhood:

MVP OF THE YEAR

Liu Xueyi (In Blossom, Kill Me Love Me) - this is the year LXY finally achieved leading man status and he was spectacular in both of his outings - so very different in both but equally magnetic in either even if the dramas themselves had flaws. I have a new fave!

ACTING SURPRISE

Ouyang Nana - Li Muge performs miracles. He made Yang Chaoye be good in Heroes (2022) and now Nana, who was always as wooden as a post, is a revelation as blind abused girl who becomes a vampire in Snowfall.

Hou Minghao - I've always found HMH a stunningly beautiful man and a thoroughly bland actor. But he was surprisingly solid in Dashing Youth and utterly blew me away in Fangs of Fortune. Like jaw on the floor level blown away.

Wang Hongyi - found him bland as paint in LYF (both seasons) but his Yang Kang in Condor Heroes blew me away and then he repeated that feat as a very different character in a very different drama (Snowy Night.) Consider me a new fan.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Joy of Life 2 of course - I need to see the looming confrontation between Fan Xian and the emperor, though not sure how that will pass censorship.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

FF button has cured me of finding contenders for this category, but perhaps cutting out a lot of terrible acting and lack of stage presence of “not yet a eunuch” dude in The Princess Royal, would have improved it.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Lost You Forever 2 - there were other issues with it, but all the cuts couldn’t have helped with coherency.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Same as last year - the emperor cannot be irredeemable. WTF, China, you are a communist country! Though they are nibbling at the edges this year. Also fake feminism - I am all for girl power but not when it's ridiculously anachronistic for the period with no explanation at all. And finally NO MORE TRADE DRAMAS PLS PLS PLS

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Men (and women) knowingly fighting for a doomed cause because otherwise they’d cease to be who they are. Or if we are being shallow all the beautiful men in chains.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Lost Your Forever 2 - the first season was my favorite drama of 2023 but LYF2 just fell apart so so so badly, it was almost fascinating. It totally eviscerated the characters and the meanings of the story.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

So many of top dramas on my list are not dramas that were on my radar at all before airing - Heroes, Eternal Brotherhood, Fangs of Fortune, Will Love in Spring and Snowfall were not anything I anticipated, let alone I realized how much I’d love them. Same for Derailment and Tender Light. This has been a year of surprises.

2024 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have honestly watched everything I wanted.

BEST NON-2024 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2024

Lighter and Princess, hands down. I rarely even enjoy moderns and this one made it into my Top 5 cdrama of all time. This is how you make a love story. This is literally perfect. PERFECT.

Runner up: Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty - I, a procedural and mystery hater (especially when there is close to no romance) somehow fell like a ton of bricks for this gorgeous, smart, impeccably acted show.

MOST ANTICIPATED

A Dream Within a Dream looks like Fortune Writer with proper length and budget, Legend of the Female General looks epic and I love the novel, Divine Tree with Deng Wei is all my fave tropes, Veil of Shadows is peak Guo Jingming, and so many more.

[im-subtextsexual]

I’m glad so many people picked up on the vibes between Eloise and Cressida. Not a ship I ever considered before, but the tension was palpable. I’ve been a Queer Eloise truther since reading the books. Her portrayal on the show only made it more obvious in my mind. I didn’t think the writers would ever go there, but the set up is just so explicit, now I’m not sure. I don’t think they’d actually make Eloise / Cressida canon, but I do think they’re testing the waters for wlw Eloise. And it makes perfect sense. 

First off, the character is queer (I’ll hold off from labeling her a lesbian outright, because there’s definitely room for other identities like bi, demi, ace…. etc.) Even in the books. I legitimately think Julia Quinn accidentally wrote a sapphic character and then didn’t know what to do with her. So what we got is “To Sir Phillip, With Love”, widely considered to be one of the worst in the series. Believe me, if there’s any story that could stand to deviate from the books, it’s this one. And the story could so easily be adapted to a wlw romance, it would be a wasted opportunity not to do it. Like… the story would be better if they tweaked it to fit a queer canon. AND it could be done in a historically accurate way to shut up the naysayers that “a lesbian storyline wouldn’t fit in this universe.” How? Allow me to explain.

*SPOILERS FOR BRIDGERTON SERIES BOOK 5*

In the book, Eloise strikes up a correspondence with Sir Phillip Crane. Yes, THAT Phillip, the one currently married to Marina from season 1&2. Marina kills herself because she can’t stand to be married to Phillip and deal with their children in the wake of her lover / his brother’s death. His initial interest in Eloise is to find a mother for his children. She is intrigued by his intelligence and decides she doesn't want to be alone, but isn’t necessarily eager to marry or have a family. Due to romance novel shenanigans, she runs away to Phillip's house and is forced to marry him. Even as they grow to kind of love each other, it's far from some grand romance. It’s the very definition of “settling”. The most interesting part is the narrative structure of their story being told through letters in the beginning. We could keep all that, but make it gay. 

*Imagine*

Eloise meets some dapper gentlemen new to the marriage mart. We’ll call him Emmett. Very little is known about Emmett and his family as they keep largely to themselves at their estate in the countryside. The only thing that’s widely known is the family suffered a tragic accident where the man of the house and his oldest daughter died, leaving his son (the other twin) to take on the responsibility of rank and title very early. Emmet is making a rare appearance in London to find a wife (there are rumors of stipulations in his inheritance requiring a match). ALL the debutantes are fawning over him because he’s mysterious and extraordinarily good-looking. One might even say “pretty”… To everyone’s great surprise the season’s most eligible bachelor takes a special interest in Eloise after overhearing her talking about her disdain for the social convention of marriage, and how she would only consider it if it were an in-name-only, marriage of convenience. Emmett strikes up a conversation with Eloise and she is taken by his humor, wit and shockingly deep empathy for the limitations society puts on women. They continue to gravitate to each other through the first few events of the season, but Emmett has to return home suddenly because of a family emergency. Eloise is shocked to find herself disappointed, but they promise to write. Cue the correspondence romance.

Eloise grows more and more smitten with Emmett every letter she receives, but still has the same reservations about marriage especially when she thinks of the intimacy a relationship like that would require. When Emmett hints that he may want more than friendship, Eloise's feelings get the better of her and she goes to visit Emmett unannounced. He is shocked to see her, but let's her stay and she gets to know his mother and two younger sisters. The Bridgertons go looking for Eloise, worried something has happened to her. When she is found to have been staying for days in an unwed man's home without a chaperone, the potential scandal causes Anthony to force Eloise and Emmett to marry. Surprisingly, Emmett actually agrees so Eloise does too (all of this is essentially what happens in the book).

Eloise confesses to Emmett that she's nervous/resistant to physical intimacy, but he assures her they never have to be together that way. In fact, he would prefer the marriage of convenience they always talked about. Eloise is relieved until their kiss at the wedding sparks an attraction she wasn't expecting. They spend the first month or so of their marriage sleeping in separate rooms, enjoying each other's company, and letting the tension build. One night, Eloise's control and curiosity finally snaps and she goes to Emmett's room to initiate a physical relationship. She catches Emmett off guard in his sleeping clothes which makes it VERY clear... Emmett is a woman (cliffhanger of episode 4, and where we deviate from book canon to make it queer).

After the initial shock, Eloise allows her new "husband" to explain. Emmett is really Emma, the daughter believed to have died in a carriage accident with her father so many years ago. It was her twin brother that actually died, but since there were no other male heirs, Emma's family fortune would have gone to a distant uncle who is cruel and abusive. To save them of that fate, Emma's mother conspired with the local coroner to make it look like Emma was the one who died, so "Emmett" could inherit everything. Emma has been living as Emmett ever since, successfully keeping up the deception by keeping a low profile in society. The only reason Emma came to London that year is because her uncle died, and a cousin had come around asking questions hoping to inherit. She thought getting married would help secure her identity as Emmett and the cousin would back off. At first Eloise is outraged. She feels betrayed by Emma's duplicity, and is terrified if any of this ever got out everyone they know would be ruined forever. She agrees to keep the secret to save her family's reputation, but shuns Emma. Eventually, Emma (already aware that she's in love with Eloise) attempts to make amends and Eloise is charmed enough that she relaxes back into the relationship they had before the Big Reveal. The only problem is the attraction is still there, even more so now that Eloise knows the truth. Things come to a head, and they go at it Bridgerton style.

Emma and Eloise live happily in a true marriage for a bit until Cressida and Penelope come for a visit. They both find out about Emma, but are sworn to secrecy. Pen easily swears her loyalty (having already suspected Eloise), but Cressida is sickened. In a rage, she threatens to out them all, and storms back to London. Eloise follows her and begs Cressida to keep the secret, and tries to explain why the "wrong" feelings she has for Emma are very right for her. To Eloise's surprise, Cressida isn't upset about what she's doing with Emma, but who she's doing it with. She didn't know what they're doing was an option; that she was an option. Cressida confesses that if she'd known a life with Eloise was a choice she could make, it's the life she would have chosen. Eloise lets Cressida down easy by explaining they didn't have that choice. Everyone in the ton knows who they are. The only reason her relationship with Emma works is because of the ruse that allows Emma to be Emmett. Cressida takes this in stride, and vows to keep the secret, but her mother overhears and causes the biggest scandal London Society has ever seen.

The Bridgertons and a few friends (like Lady Danbury) are as understanding as possible, but the rest of the ton is rabid. Things escalate to the point where Emma and Eloise have to appear before the Queen. Emma pleads her case about pretending to save her family, and insists that Eloise didn't know until well after they were married so she's innocent. Eloise can't help herself and gets on her soapbox about the way society limits women, and that the Queen should understand their plight. Shockingly, she does. She annuls their "marriage" (because they didn't consummate anything... RIGHT?!) but she agrees to let Emma control her family's estate until one of her sisters produces a male heir. After that, she and Eloise will receive a pension from the Crown so they can live independently (the real Queen Charlotte actually did this for suspected historical sapphic couple The Ladies of Llangollen). Since Emma and Eloise would never be able to find husbands now, they decide that they'll just be two spinsters growing old together in their house in the countryside. You know... just two gal pals. No one believes that shit, but they rarely interact with the ton, so they're largely left alone to live as they please.

Happy ending, close to canon, historically accurate, and super gay. It's not that hard. You're welcome.

[fairy-writes]

Hello!! I really like u and think ur really cool! Can I request an rivals to lovers with hoshina? Like you've been rivals ever since high school and noticed that you both become a part of the defense force at the same time and the rivalry grew stronger and then like you've heard the other officers talking bad things about him and then instantly defended him since you acknowledge him as someone who is strong and wouldn't let anyone bad mouth about him despite being rivals and then he heard it

once again i really really really love u and have this friend crush on u <33

ONE-SIDED CONFLICT

Reblogs and Comments are greatly appreciated!!

__________________________________________________________________________

Fandom(s): Kaiju No. 8

Pairing(s): Hoshina Soshiro x Reader

Word Count: 0.9k

Genre(s)/Tag(s): Female!Reader, Rivals

Notes: Not my best work, but I don’t really know how to write Rivals to Lovers rip

I really hope you enjoy it, at least a little bit! Thanks for reading! <3

__________________________________________________________________________

Your rivalry with Hoshina Soshiro was more of a one-sided conflict. Well… that wasn’t explicitly true. He just got under your skin a lot more than you got under his. He always watched you with that shit-eating grin on his face, like he was watching something amusing. 

And that aggravated you. 

But… Nothing aggravated you more than people smack-talking him. 

“Can you believe it?” 

“I can’t!”

“Why would they bother letting someone with blades be a Vice-Captain?”

“I’ll bet you 1000 yen that he bribed his way to that position.”

You clench your hand around your coffee mug until it nearly cracks as you hear your fellow members of the Third Division talking about the newest Vice-Captain.

Hoshina Soshiro.

The very name gets your blood boiling and your heart racing. You were both blade users in the Defense Force. Perhaps some of the only ones. You were the only ones to primarily use blades. Sure, you could use guns and heavy artillery if the situation called for it. But there was something about slicing through kaiju flesh that gave you a certain thrill. 

It also didn’t help that you and Hoshina had some sort of ‘rivalry’ going on. It wasn’t outright declared, but seeing as you two came from different clans that specialized in kaiju slaying, the odds were pitted against you from the start. 

It was always, “Look at what Hoshina Soshiro accomplished!” and never, “Good job at rising through the ranks!” So perhaps that contributed to your upbringing and the need to take him down. But even so, you could acknowledge his skill and prowess with the katana and even more so with slaying kaiju. 

Which is why it made you so angry to see other people try to tear him down. 

Your coffee mug actually cracked when you flexed your fingers and started leaking said coffee all over the table. But you paid it no mind.

“Don’t you have better things to do?” You snap at your teammates, and they look at you dumbly. Almost like they can’t believe someone is standing up for Vice-Captain Hoshina. 

He was just that, your Vice-Captain. 

They should respect him. 

“I’m sorry?” One of your teammates asks incredulously, and you roll your eyes.

“He obviously earned that position. So you should respect that. He wouldn’t be our Vice-Captain if he wasn’t qualified!” 

“Perfectly said, Platoon Leader.” You flinch, duck your head out of reflex, and turn to see the man you had been talking about. 

Hoshina Soshiro is watching you with that same shit-eating grin he always has on his face. He studies you with a calm expression. As if he didn’t care about what others were saying. And maybe he didn’t. But you certainly did. 

Everyone turns back to their meals with quiet grumbles, but no one says what they had been saying to his face. He jerks his head to the side for you to follow him. So, you begrudgingly get up and follow after, leaving your cracked coffee mug and spill behind. 

You follow your new Vice-Captain down the hall until you reach his new office. He leaves the door cracked open to give you an escape. That was the peculiar thing about him. He always gave you an escape from whatever you were doing. Whether that was sparring with him or studying together, he always gave you an out. 

Hoshina claimed it was to preserve your dignity when he whooped your ass in whatever competition you competed in. But, more often than not, you didn’t need an out. 

Because most competitions ended in draws between the two of you. 

“Vice-Captain?” You ask, mildly confused when he comes to a stop before the large windows behind his desk that overlook the Third Division base. Captain Ashiro’s is a floor above his, but his office is still impressive in its own right. 

“Y’know, fightin’ with your fellow teammates isn’t the best idea.” He said, and you huffed,

“It was hardly a fight.” You grumble, and he turns, his eyebrow arched and a look on his face that screams, “Really?”.

“We both know that infamous temper of yours would’ve gotten you into more trouble than was worth.” He borderline teased, and you can feel your ears burn with embarrassment. 

He knew you well. That was one of the downsides of being rivals with him since high school. He knew all your tricks and tics just like you knew his. 

“If I may, Vice-Captain—”

“Soshiro.” He cuts you off, and you stare stupidly, almost not comprehending the words that just came out of his mouth. But you gather yourself and push on, 

“Fine, Soshiro. If I may, they shouldn’t be talking about you like that, regardless of how you feel. You’re pretty incredible with a blade, and they should respect that.” 

Hoshina—no, Soshiro—stares at you almost as stupidly as you felt, eyes cracked open slightly in shock. 

Then he begins to laugh. 

And laugh. 

And laugh. 

“I think that’s the nicest you’ve ever been to me!” He wheezes, wiping a tear from his eye as he composes himself and leans his hands on his desk. Your ears and face burn, and you very nearly accept defeat and make your escape when he approaches you from around his desk. 

He stops just before you, staring you in the eye with that same stupid grin on his face. 

“How about we meet outside work, and you can tell me how incredible I am?” He teases, and you just nod idiotically. Captain Ashiro knocks on his office door and enters, saying something about the reports she needed for the latest meeting. You are then dismissed. 

You stop outside his office and lean on the wall, cupping your burning cheeks. 

Did you just agree to a date?

[thewritersofdeceased]

Could you rank the TBP boys ( Ghost crew + Finney ) in a x render type of way , wich who will be more and less faster in proposing to their partner in a future ? Than you for reading, your writing inspires me <]

I’m so glad my writing inspires you!! This was absolutely a blast to write!! ‼️🫶 I did it as headcanons and x reader vibes!! It's a bit easier for me, but I will fix it when I get done with all my requests!! (I promise just pls remind me if I forget :( )

TBP BOYS AND WHO IS MORE OR LESS LIKELY TO PROPOSE IN A FUTURE!

BRUCE YAMADA

out of all the boys, I'd think Bruce would be the first one to propose to his partner!

He'd probably do it at once of his games after his team wins

Like those sappy marriage videos you'd see on your fyp

definitely made it a surprise for months.

Hell, he'd do it with a ring pop if it made you happy

literally asked you if you'd say yes if he married you one day

Silence lingered the field as Bruce and Y/N laid underneath the clouds. On a blanket that the ravenette had brought, a sudden questioned popped out of him. "Hey, Y/N? " He started, earning a hum in response from the other. "Do you think.. if one day in the future would you marry me? Or say yes?" He then asked, sitting up properly to face the other.

"Marriage? I never thought about it." Y/N responded, sitting up slightly, using their arms to hold themself up. It took them a couple seconds, but a smile formed on their face as they thought about it "I mean, yeah. You're sweet, kind, caring. Who wouldn't say yes to marrying you?" They then asked, tilting their head at Bruce.

Of course, Bruce smiled at the answer, nodding his head to it. Then it was official. He'd marry them one day. Whether with a ring pop or with an official ring. One day. He swore.

ROBIN ARELLANO

Robin, out of all the boys, was probably the 2nd one to even think of marriage.

Definetly plans it ahead with Finney or one of the other boys

no way did he plan it all on his own.

He'd be a bi nervous asking you about it, probably fidgeting or something

He knows his family isn't exactly on the richer side, so he's more nervous about getting an actual ring

since he wanted to join the war for his dad, he'd propose to you before he left for war.

Robin sat quietly in the park, tossing what looked like a ball in the air. He'd stole it from Bruce, well, more so found the ball near the baseball fields and claimed it as his own. Y/N Sat besides him, reading whatever sorts of book they had. Though they looked to Robin when hearing the boy speak to them.

"You ever think about marriage?" He'd ask them, no longer tossing the ball in the air and now looking to meet Y/N's eyes. He could see the slight look of confusion on their face, but tilted his head only. The gears were turning slowly in Y/N's mind as they fished for an answer.

Placing their book down into their lap and gently taking a hold of Robin's hands, they'd merely smile. "If this is your way of asking if we'll ever get married in the future, the answer's yes." Now that gave Robin the answer and motivation he needed to even think about the whole ring situation he'd been in.

BILLY SHOWALTER

Bily's a bit iffy on the whole marriage thing, but he'd eventually succumb to it!

He wants it to be perfect when he decides to marry you in the future

He'd try and ask earlier in the day, during one of the days he does his paper routes!

He writes the question down on a sticky note and puts said note in the paper

Look, he's nervous okay? he's trying his best.

Gets Griffin to try and help him out, when that don't work he goes to the others.

Placing his bike down gently on your yard, Billy made his way towards the comforting house you resigned in. He enjoyed it. Rover sat by the bike, waiting patiently as the dirty blonde made his way up to your steps. A small smile was on his face as he eventually knocked on the door, his smile widening more when you opened the door.

"Hey sunshine.” He’d greet. Sunshine was your nickname he’d given you after seeing you in the sunlight, specifically in his mother’s camera. So he stuck with the nickname Sunshine. Going into his bag and grabbing a newspaper, he held it out to you, smile remaining as he spoke again. “Here’s your pape for the day.” He spoke, faking a New York accent. Just for fun!!

He took a couple seconds before he would leave, smiling when he soon realized you had read exactly what he'd written on the sticky note. "Of course I'll marry you, Moonlight." You two were basically the sun and moon, and Billy knew exactly what kind of rings to get you two.

FINNEY BLAKE

Finney's a bit more cautious to get married, but he really wants to

He's just super nervous about it and doesn't know the exact way to approach

He tries to use anything you've told him to his advantage

He's one of the boys who has to read off of something, he's that shaky and nervous.

But when it comes to asking you about it during childhood, he asks you in the confinement of his room

You and Finney were currently sitting together in his bedroom, doing different homework for different classes. He was doing work for science, you were doing work for {subject}. Out of nowhere, in what sounded like a shaky tone, Finney spoke up. "Y/N? If we're still together in the future, and I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?"

The question was sudden, but it made a small smile form on Y/N's face as they placed their pencil down and sat up properly to look at Finney. "Yes. Yes I would." They spoke softly, reassuring the brunette boy. Of course he was nervous, gently taking their parents hands into their own.

"Of course I'd marry you."

GRIFFIN STAGG

Griffin's seen what marriage can do to a person.

So he's actually really fucking nervous to marry anyone,

He doesn't want it to end up like his parents marriage so he's super cautious to even think about marriage

Though he uses words in books to ask you if you would one day

you just gotta give him the time to not be so nervous and think about it

The library was you and Griffin's favorite place to go, or the cafe just outside of Denver. Anyone who knew Griffin knew how much the kid loved to read. In his hands now was a normal sized book. It was paperback, not being hardcover. The name of the book was "Blackmoore", the artist being "Julianne Donaldson". He had a calm look on his face as you read whatever you had chosen to grab, whether it was horror, drama, romance, etc.

After a couple seconds, Griffin gently tapped the table, trying to get y/n attention, and when he did, he slid the book over, his index finger pointing to what he wanted y/n to pay attention to. A quote stated, "“You are brave and loyal and true. You have such a good heart." He held my hand close to his chest and covered it with his other hand. "It is only afraid. But I would take such good care of it, love, if you would give it to me."

Just seeing how he was hinting about something including marriage, it made y/n chuckle as they watched Griffin mess with his hands. Gently tapping the table and catching Griffin's attention, Y/N would sign(ASL) "I'd marry you if it meant you were always smiling."

VANCE HOPPER

Vance saw what marriage did to his parents, so he's not really excited to think about it

His parents aren't even divorced yet, but he still is nervous

He doesn't want his marriage to end up like his parents

he also doesn't trust his parents to show up if they ever got married

asks you while at the grab n'go

"Hey, babe." Vance was first to speak, even if all of his attention was focused on the pinball machine he'd love. A soft hum escaped Y/N as they looked at Vance, their brow raised and head tilted. "If I beat my high-score, you think one day you'd marry me?" He questioned.

Which resulted in soft chuckles escaping Y/N. They weren't laughing at Vance, no. They were laughing at the fact Vance was willing his high score for it. A soft hum escaped before they answered the blonde's question.

"If you can beat it by the time we're adults, babe." They replied, letting out even more soft laughs and nodding their head. "Then yeah, if you can, I'll say yes."

[sirxaibs]

Keigo Takami / Hawks X Reader (eventually various X reader but that’s if I decide to continue with the burst of inspiration)

If this isn’t that meaty for you…. THEY JUST MET LET THEM COOK

Summary: Small light banter for a first meeting between freshly debuted Hawks and an Isekai’d reader.

Basically after reading copious amounts of amazingly talented stories by amazingly talented writers. “DEPOLLUTE ME, GENTLE ANGEL” by @fallen-w1ngs and Changing History by SummerBlack on Quotev. With “depollute me” the author humanizes the pro hero from being just a symbol. Meanwhile with “Changing History” the author introduces an emotion more attuned to feeling real and how life isn’t just a cycle that is predetermined. So my dynamic of choice was you as the reader have already been thrown in this world for the first 18 years of your life. If you were put in this world why not do the expected? Become a hero. But if all things are fake why take anything seriously?

If you couldn’t gather from that, the reader and hawks will grow and learn that they have the ability to matter and deserve to feel like they belong. I don’t have a very serious style of writing but I do try! Maybe not my best but key emphasis on try! Today we delve into YOU! YOUR CHARACTER!

This was all made on my notes app while on vacation 😺

Word count: 4280 ish, (idk through editing I added some things)

A blur of red and gold emerged first, feathers catching the sunlight just before their owner stepped forward with an easy, lopsided grin. Hawks, the newly minted Pro, looked entirely unbothered by the attention, despite the sudden chorus of excited shouts.

“Hawks! Can you sign this?”

“Dude, your debut fight was insane!”

“Picture, please?”

He laughed, ruffling his windswept hair as he glanced over the eager faces.

“Man, you guys really know how to make a guy feel welcome,” he said, grabbing the nearest pen. “Alright, line up nice and neat, yeah? I’ve got places to be, but I can’t just leave my awesome fans hanging.”

As he signed posters, notebooks, and even the occasional wing-shaped keychain, Hawks kept that signature smirk in place. He’d always known he’d make it this far—but seeing the real, tangible proof of it in the form of starstruck faces and excited voices?

Yeah, this was pretty damn cool.

As the crowd died down, Originally just going to walk away you thought about when would even be the next time you’d see him. Unfortunately since being thrown into this world, the whole concept of canon magnets for main characters was not even a concept in your life.

“You know, if you’re acting like this right out of the gate, I can’t even imagine how inflated your ego will get once you’re officially ranked among the top heroes.”

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I have no idea where you’re getting that impression.” You almost felt bad for taking away his moment. The disheveled blonde looked like he might’ve been having a sincere, heartfelt moment.

“It’s always the pretty boys with the massive egos,” you sighed dramatically, looking away. Seeing Hawks in all his glory had to come with a little entertainment, right?

He took a step back, eyeing your UA uniform as if sizing you up.

“Maybe the hostility’s coming from jealousy?”

“It’s the Icarus trope for me” you mutter

“Sorry?”

You laughed lightly, rolling your eyes. “Oh nothing! You sure would think that.”

To be honest, you hadn’t meant to bump into him. You were just on your way home from school, with nothing more in mind than a nice nap. Being a third-year at UA in the most boring era of this universe really didn’t leave you with much to look forward to.

“I mean, looks like we’re heading in the same direction,” he said, curiosity creeping into his tone as he took another sip from his drink.

“You’re not wrong, but the flashy vibe you’re giving off? It’s almost alarming.”

He gave you a distraught look.

“Imagine this, I’m getting saved by—wait, what’s your name again?” Oh, it wouldn’t be impossible for actually knowing him. Sure, he had only debuted a few months ago and the crowd that just left that chanted his name every two seconds would be a sign for his name, but you couldn’t help it. In your past life, the sheer amount of content of the show you consumed meant you had to know him but better safe than sorry.

“Hawks,” he replied, deadpan, amusement flickering in his eyes.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. In response he raised his brow

It probably looked like you were laughing at him, which, in a way, you kind of were. You remembered the draft photos of when his character was first being developed—back when they considered giving him an actual hawk head. The thought alone made you smile.

“Pro hero Hawks saves me, and the sheer massiveness of his ego completely blindsides me. I’m struck by how conventionally hot he is, and then I die in your arms. Yeah, not a good look for you.”

You sighed inwardly. All in all, you were probably born in the worst generation in the My Hero universe. You couldn’t even be part of the middle generation where you could’ve had the chance to work as a teacher with Aizawa and the rest of the crew. It was a possibility, sure, but it felt so far out of reach. And the idea of being around Present Mic—preferably with his hair down and you age-appropriate for him? That would’ve been a dream.

But here you were, a few years older than the main cast. Actually, you were the same age as Keigo. As much as you loved his character, he didn’t really become important until the fifth season. Which meant you had little to no relevance to the plot or any of the major characters. You couldn’t help but feel like you were stuck in some lame generation, unable to make an impact.

Why couldn’t any isekai story go right? You really felt like you’d lost the genetic lottery over and over again. You couldn’t have been born just a few years younger, so you could’ve at least had the chance to be around your other favorite sunshine-blonde character, Mirio. Not being his age had probably made you feel like you’d lost years of your life unknowingly.

“Maamaa, we just met, and you’ve already got a grudge against me?” He teased, giving you a playful frown.

Immediately it springs in your head that you’ve probably come off as a total asshole. Screw the curse of having an outside point of view. The fact of knowing none of this was real maybe gave a bad look on the outside.

You suddenly felt a wave of regret hit you, realizing how your words had come across. His playful tone, the teasing frown—everything made it clear he wasn’t offended, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had crossed a line. You opened your mouth, but your thoughts were tangled, and it took a moment to collect your words.

“Ah, look, I—” You hesitated, eyes darting away, feeling heat rising in your cheeks. “I didn’t mean to sound like that. It’s just… I don’t know, sometimes I get carried away, and—” You mentally cursed yourself for being so awkward. You hated how easily you could go from sarcastic to genuinely sorry in a second.

Hawks gave you an odd look, the smirk still there, though softer. “Hey, no worries. I get it.” He shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal, but you could tell something about his tone had changed slightly. Maybe he was trying to lighten the mood too, like you were.

“No, I’m serious,” you quickly added, glancing up at him, feeling the need to apologize properly. “It’s just… I don’t know. I’ve been here long enough to see how people get caught up in all the… hero stuff. And I didn’t want to be another person acting all starry-eyed over you just because you’re a pro hero, you know?” God you sounded pathetic. Maybe if you prayed to all might really hard it would go away.

Hawks studied you for a second, then nodded slowly, his expression unreadable for a moment. “I get it. You don’t want to be one of those people who just worship the ground we fly on, huh?”

You sighed, relieved that he understood, but still uneasy. “Yeah... fly on. It’s just… this world, this universe… It’s all so… strange. I mean, I know you’re a big deal, and I respect that. But sometimes it’s hard to take things seriously when everything feels like it’s set in stone. To be so ‘MUCH’ all the time. Anyways I’m literally doing exactly what yours doing for a career so don’t take my words to heart. Heroes are kind of just people that help people and I’m like one or those people and by no means-” You paused, biting your lip.

There was an odd moment of silence before Hawks chuckled, and for a moment, you thought you might’ve said something ridiculous.

“You’re fine.” His tone was soft, genuine this time, as he took another step back, giving you space. “You’re not the first person to think I’m all ‘ego and feathers,’ but not everyone’s as honest about it as you are. So, props for that, I guess.” He tilted his head, his usual cocky grin returning, though it seemed more self-aware now. “But hey, if it helps, I do my best to keep my ego in check. It’s not as big as it looks.”

You blinked, unsure how to respond, but the words that came out were almost reflexive. “Well, you’re doing a pretty good job of hiding it, I guess. You’re going to be one of the top ten. I know it.”

Hawks laughed softly, the sound surprisingly genuine, and you found yourself relaxing a little. Maybe you hadn’t totally messed everything up. “You’re so sure about that? Well then fair enough. Just don’t expect me to give up my flashy style anytime soon. It’s a package deal.” He says that as if he doesn’t get In the top ten within a few months.

You could tell he wasn’t taking offense anymore, but you still felt like you needed to clear the air. “I mean, you’re doing your thing. I just—” You faltered, trying to find the right words, feeling like you were digging yourself into a hole. “I just didn’t want to be some random person making snide comments. You’re a pro hero, and I respect that.”

His eyes softened again, and there was an odd sincerity in his gaze. “Thanks. That means more than you know. You look about the same age as me so as you’re a pro as well, wouldn’t you know it you’ll be up there at the top, maybe we’ll have a hero rivalry” he smirks

“Ah yes the trials and tribulations of endeavour and all might persist in the bodies of 18 year old aspiring heroes” you pause for a moment thinking about it. You know that’s not too far from the original source material

“Well I’m not exactly a pro just yet, give me a few months and I’ll be there”

For a moment, neither of you spoke, the awkwardness between you two slowly evaporating. It was strange, how you’d gone from a sarcastic comment to a brief but genuine moment of understanding. And yet, in a world where everything seemed so scripted, the fact that this had played out in such a way felt a little… surreal.

After a beat, Hawks stretched, giving you a wink. “Well, I should probably get going. Hero stuff, you know?” He shrugged, turning on his heel. “But hey, if you ever need a hand or just wanna throw some more sarcastic remarks my way, I’m not hard to find.”

You managed a small, half-smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He flashed you one last grin before taking off, his wings spreading wide as he took to the sky, disappearing into the distance. You watched him go, still feeling that odd mixture of guilt and amusement bubbling in your chest.

Shaking your head, you turned and continued on your way home, feeling slightly lighter, despite the awkwardness. At least you hadn’t ruined everything completely. But, then again, in a world like this, there was always something new to look forward to. Maybe you’d even see Hawks again and maybe next time, you’d be a little better at handling it.

Or, you’d at least try to be.

In this world, reports of people with superpowers started popping up everywhere. No one really knew what was causing these Quirks. And before long, the supernatural became the new normal. Dreams became reality, and the world turned into a superhuman society, with 80% of the population possessing some sort of strange ability.

Blah, blah, blah. The world might sound impressive at first, but being dropped into a world where you know everyone’s futures? That kind of ruins the excitement. Save the fun stuff for when Izuku is supposed to take over

You’d think living in a world of superheroes would be a dream come true, but it felt more like playing a life simulator with a DLC attached.

‘Actually if any one had heard that thought, please smite me dead on the spot’

Maybe when you finally met Shigaraki, you two could bond over how lame your lives were.

————

The moment Hawks took off, disappearing into the sky with all the grace and flair of a man who knew exactly how cool he was, you were left standing there, alone in the middle of a busy street. You blinked a few times, processing the bizarre encounter, like a glitch in the matrix where you’d just met one of the to be top heroes, and somehow managed to be the awkward, sarcastic mess you were known for.

Oh god, you thought, did I just make myself look like an idiot?

The awkwardness of the moment hit you all at once, like a ton of bricks. Your brain replayed every word you’d said, every overly dramatic sigh, and every time you’d made some weird comment about his ego. I probably just ruined any chance of ever having a normal conversation with him ever again, you thought with a groan.

But, hey, at least you’d gotten one thing right: you had no idea how to not embarrass yourself in front of a pro hero. Progress, right?

Your feet shuffled along the sidewalk, your eyes fixed on the ground, just in case anyone noticed how ridiculously flustered you were. You didn’t even know where you were going at this point, your legs had basically decided to take you home, but your brain was still stuck on the fact that you’d just made a snide remark to one of the most famous people in the world. That was bound to come back to haunt you, right?

In the midst of your spiraling, a thought hit you like a slap to the face: What if he tells people?

No, no, no, no. Hawks wasn’t the type to hold grudges. He’d probably just chuckle about it with his equally cool friends and forget about it. Right?

… what if he tells Mirko. All you feel is dread

But still, the mental image of him, sitting around with his hero buddies, casually telling them about the weird girl who got all awkward and snarky when she met him, was enough to make you want to curl up in a hole and disappear for the next decade. I’m never leaving my house again, you thought, hands buried in your pockets. It’s safer this way.

As you trudged home, you passed by the same old buildings, the same street vendors, the same couple having a heated debate about the proper way to cook curry (which, honestly, you were kind of invested in now). It was the same old world. But now, you couldn’t help but feel like you were living in some kind of sitcom where you were the awkward side character. This is what I get for getting tossed into this universe, you thought, rolling your eyes at the universe itself. And why am I still here? Shouldn’t I be a sidekick by now?

You eventually reached your apartment building, doing your best to ignore the fact that you’d just been face-to-face with Hawks and didn’t manage to do anything remotely cool or competent. The elevator ride felt longer than it should’ve. It was like the universe itself was giving you a moment to reflect on your life choices. By the time you reached your door, you felt like you needed to apologize to the doorframe for even existing.

With a dramatic sigh, you kicked off your shoes and collapsed onto the couch. You stared at the ceiling, wondering if you should’ve just said something normal like, “Hey, cool wings.” That’s it. Cool wings… nope absolutely not, move on, but no, you had to act like a nervous wreck who couldn’t even handle basic social interaction. Congratulations, you’re a disaster.

But as your mind started spiraling into self-loathing, you couldn’t help but chuckle a little. The whole situation had been so ridiculous, so out of place, that it was actually kind of funny. You’d just had a conversation with Hawks granted, it was a weird, awkward, almost cringeworthy conversation but still, a conversation! That was more than most people could say.

“Maybe I should just call it a day. Hide under the covers and pretend nothing happened.”

You threw your arms dramatically across your face as if the weight of your shame was too much to bear, but in the back of your mind, a tiny thought crept in: Hey, if I run into him again, maybe I won’t make a fool of myself next time.

Then again, you thought with a grin, Probably not.

At least tomorrow’s a new day, right? You could try to be normal then probably. Or at the very least, you could give yourself a good pep talk, like, “You got this, champ. Try not to make an idiot of yourself this time.”

As you lay there, wallowing in your embarrassment, you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Because, in the end, this was just another bizarre chapter in your weird, barely-coherent life in the world of heroes. Maybe next time, you’d at least try to make a good first impression. Or maybe, just maybe, you’d accidentally land on your feet and make it out of another embarrassing moment unscathed.

Who knew? Anything was possible in this crazy universe. Well, except you being smooth. That was clearly out of the question.

————

The bell rang, signaling the end of class, and as your classmates hurriedly packed their bags and ran out the door, you sat there, contemplating your life choices. Graduation was right around the corner, and while everyone else was excited about the future, you were just kind of… existing.

You were in your third year at UA, the very school that trained the next generation of Pro Heroes. But here you were, staring at your desk like it owed you money, with no idea what you were supposed to do next.

Let’s be real, everyone else had a purpose. Izuku? He was going to be the greatest hero of all time. All Might? He was the symbol of peace, the beacon of hope, and probably the only guy who could do a cartwheel and not look like a dad on a trampoline. Even Bakugo had a clear goal in mind: to be the best, which, considering his attitude, was more like a “do it or I’ll yell at you until you cry” kind of vibe.

But you? You were just here. You weren’t supposed to be in this world. Seriously, how did you even get here? One minute you were living your normal life, and the next you’re dropped into the middle of a world full of heroes, quirks, and crazy villains, but there’s no manual for how to fit in. It was like being cast in the world’s weirdest TV show and being told, “Yeah, just figure it out, you’ll be fine.”

And you were so fine. So fine, in fact, that you didn’t even know what the point of it all was. You had no grand dreams of becoming the next All Might or Deku. You weren’t even sure what your quirk was half the time, maybe you had an ability to be totally average? If so, congratulations, you were really nailing it.

“Look, you’re fine, you’re fine,” you muttered to yourself, giving the window a dramatic look. “You’ll graduate, become a hero, maybe stand by the snacks table at hero events, get a cool costume, the usual.”

You sighed, staring at the city below. Your classmates had their lives all planned out, while you had absolutely no clue what was happening. “Like, how do you even become a hero if you’re not, like, destined for greatness?” You asked, though you were fully aware the universe wasn’t going to answer. Or if it did, it would probably just laugh and say, “Sorry, you’re just here for filler content.”

You turned to the empty classroom, contemplating your entire existence for a moment. “Man, is this what it’s like to be a side character? ’Cause I really didn’t sign up for this. I was just trying to live my best life, and suddenly I’m here, trying to figure out if I should be saving kittens from trees or passing out flyers for charity events.”

A laugh bubbled out of you. “Who knows, maybe I’ll be that hero, the one who’s really good at handing out pamphlets at superhero conventions. You know, hero stuff. The job that’s always available but no one really talks about.”

You let out a half-hearted groan. “Ugh, I’m like a glorified intern in the superhero world. ‘Oh, sorry, your quirk is literally just being chill? Guess you’ll be a sidekick to the sidekicks!’”

But then it hit you: maybe that’s fine. Not every hero needs to be the big shot. Maybe your purpose was to just… exist. No huge fanfare, no dramatic showdowns with villains, just a random person who shows up at the right time to, like, hand out snacks or prevent a minor inconvenience. You could totally be that person! There’s a whole squad of heroes out there who are doing important stuff without anyone caring about them.

You snapped your fingers. “Wait a minute. Maybe this is my calling! I’ll be ‘The Human Buffer’. I’ll help all the heroes hand out protein bars, hold their coats while they go into battle, be that one person who’s just there to make sure they look good in their hero pose. Yeah, I could be that hero!”

You stood up, grabbed your bag, and strutted out of the classroom with newfound confidence. You might not have a big, world-saving destiny, but you would be the hero who was always there with the perfect snack after a long day of saving people. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was a role that needed to be filled, and by golly, you were going to do it.

“Alright, world,” you said dramatically as you walked down the hallway. “You don’t need me to save the day, but I’ll be here when you need someone to tell you where the bathroom is during a fight. Hero work!”

As you passed your classmates, all talking about their big future plans, you couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe you weren’t meant to be the hero everyone else was, but you were still going to make your mark. Whether they needed an emotional support snack or someone to bring them a towel after they worked up a sweat, you’d be there.

And hey, you’d probably get a cool title too: The Most Average, Most Helpful Hero.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like the idea of being a hero. Who wouldn’t want to swoop in and save the day, right? But the thing was, you didn’t belong here. You didn’t have that spark that made someone destined to be a hero. You weren’t meant to exist in this world. You were more like an accidental extra, someone who wasn’t supposed to show up on the hero timeline but somehow did. And now you were just… waiting for your scene to end.

It wasn’t that you didn’t respect heroes, of course, you did! But watching everyone around you with their grand dreams and bright futures made you feel a bit like the odd one out. Even if you’re living in a year with just side characters. They had their roles, their destinies. Meanwhile, you were stuck in a universe where things were already set in stone. It was like showing up to a concert that was already halfway over and realizing you’re just gonna have to sit in the nosebleeds for the rest of the show.

Keigo had mentioned once that it was important for heroes to ease the worries of the people. Isn’t it paradoxical that his future words are the ones giving you a path. That they had to be more than just strong, they had to make people feel safe. And you’d never had any doubts about that philosophy. But how could you be that person when you didn’t even feel like you were supposed to be here in the first place? It felt like playing a game you didn’t know the rules to, in a world that wasn’t yours.

Sure, you were about to graduate from UA and technically become a Pro Hero, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were sort of stepping into a role that didn’t really have anything to do with you. You had no grand dreams of fighting side-by-side with All Might in his final battle. There were so any many risks and what if a simple butterfly effect made the villains win by you being here. Honestly, you’d probably end up being the hero who handed out flyers for charity events or stood at the front of the line for photos to be safe. Was that the kind of hero you wanted to be?

“Well, I guess I’ll be a hero of some kind,” you muttered, though it was more out of obligation than excitement. “But what does it even mean if I don’t have some grand purpose in all this?”

A little chuckle escaped your lips. This was ridiculous. Here you were, stressing over your place in a world that was literally made up. You were a character in a story that already had its plot laid out, and yet you were still acting like you had to be a main character. It was all just so absurd.

But you didn’t want to be that person someone who just complained about fate and waited for something to happen. You could still make a difference in small ways, right? Maybe not as the next All Might or Deku, but as someone who showed up when it mattered, who helped out in their own way. The world was full of side characters doing small but important things, why couldn’t you be one of them?

With a grin, you stood up and grabbed your bag, heading out of the classroom to join the rest of your classmates. Maybe you weren’t the protagonist of this story, but hey, you could still make your mark on it. A little self-awareness never hurt anyone, right? Besides, in a world full of heroes, sometimes it was enough just to be one even if you were doing it a little differently than everyone else.

[kazu-naito]

deep diving into the angel hierarchy of heaven's secret:

disclaimers: a) most of what i'm writing here are my own thoughts and theories; b) i'm not yet caught up with the abh january update, so if there is anything missing from there i'll add it later on

in the original duology we never got much information about how the angels hierarchy work in this universe and only knew a few names, however we did get the full picture in hsr and the order goes: seraphims > cherubs > thrones > supremacy > authority > beginning > archangels > angels

so far into the hs we've only met representatives of 3 of these 'classes' (aside from regular angels ofc) and i put one for each here:

(moreover, keep in mind these rankings are not exclusively set by birth, as we've seen rebecca climbing from the very bottom to the very top)

now it differs a bit from most of the christianity angel rankings, in which supremacy and beginning don't exist, no alternate names that i found had these names but i don't think it matters. in this context they would be replaced by dominions and principalities, respectively. still going by these, there's an omission of virtues but they do what they gotta do (or maybe they belong to that empty spot in the middle)

going back to heaven's secret, the only visible difference between angels of different spheres is that those of the first sphere have yellow/golden wings, whereas everyone else has common white/fair wings. a good example is fencio, who lost his throne status and therefore - the colour of his wings as well

i also don't think they would've shown us the full ranking if it wasn't gonna be explored more, after all we went years without it with no issues. and it was only the angel's that was revealed, not the demons' as well

from the new characters we only know of mikael's ranking so far - archangel. which tbf makes it a bit hard to guess everyone else but here are some theories:

raphael: although he is not mikael's blood brother he could still also be an archangel. throughout the book we see he has a special connection to heaven and formidable power - he could be a regular angel with unusual abilities. i don't think he is higher ranking than mikael since he is his 'subordinate'

somnus/furius: higher ranking than mikael. i haven't seen the wings to put them amongst the actual big shots but if i had to guess i'd put them in the second sphere - they have enough power to be an archangel's superior but if they had actual power they'd be busy ruling heaven and not supervising earthly matters

anhea: regular angel. she has said it herself she fought the war against the mother of life on the outskirts while the big names were in the frontlines

edit feb/25: anhea confirmed she is a lower ranking angel

cain: everything about him is a mystery ngl. if we are to believe pileon's words about him going against his own family, the type of power he possesses, the easy superiority in fights/energy/strength against other immortals - i would say he is in the very least an archangel. the recent confirmation that his family is indeed dead (and he was very very likely responsible) made me think he either got a lenient punishment (which wouldn't happen if he wasn't 'important') or he got a punishment similar to fencio's and lost his original ranking. or maybe he's just old idk

[fanfic-obsessed]

A mating of the soul

Here is another one that requires some careful build up beforehand. It has been on my mind for a while and I think it has finally percolated enough to release into the wild to find its forever home. 

As always, ignore any part of canon that contradicts this, for I certainly am.

So this one is going to take some necessary world building facts, then some world building cultural implications, and finally some actual build up to get to the scenes in my head.  Buckle in folks, the ride is about to begin. 

World building Facts

Soulmates: Soulmates exist, with all the regular mythology and usage as in our world (the universe is saying that we should be together).  However the reality is much different.  Soulmates are two or more people who make a vow during a highly specific ritual that carries over through every lifetime after (This relationship can be platonic, familial, romantic, even adversarial).  This ritual has been lost since before any writing was invented, no one can even be sure that this ritual originated on earth. Part of the reason for that is as part of the ritual itself, the participants sacrifice their knowledge of how to do the ritual. 

Getting down to the specifics, in the initial ritual all the participants (2 or more people) make a vow of some kind. This vow is unique to the pair or group, and in making this vow there is a mystical bond created between the participants, making them soulmates in that life and every life after.  In every life after the soulmates will find each other, and know each other (though specific memories of those previous lives will be of the feelings rather than the events), and they have a choice. They may make the vow, unchanged since it was first made, again reaffirming the bond for that lifetime. They may choose to stay connected but not reaffirm the vow for that lifetime (for instance if they met each other late in that life and one or all the partners have other commitments for the lifetime that mean they cannot keep the vow). They may also choose to dissolve the bonding entirely, painlessly. 

Should the soulmates reaffirm the vow, and one of the soulmates breaks that vow in that lifetime, a phenomenon called bondrot occurs. Bondrot is excruciating pain for the soulmates that did not break their vow, the magic of the ritual trying to encourage the complete shattering of the bond. Should all soulmates in a bond break the vow, not only is the bond forever broken but the former soulmates will live with an unspecified pain of something missing, in every life thereafter.

Magic: A quick note about magic in this universe. Magic functions a bit like chemistry or medication, in that different magic can mix and have strange reactions to each other. Any magic user above rank amateur (like any doctor worth their license) will not cast magic on a person where they do not know all the magic affecting them. 

For the purposes of this, the Lazarus Pit counts as magic. So does the Soulmate Ritual, no matter how many lifetimes ago the ritual was cast. 

World Building Cultural implications  

Now this next bit are not actual facts. However there is a culture that has grown up around these reincarnated soulmates. Even though most do not actually have solid memories of their past lives, they do start to recognize each other through the centuries.  Enough that in the past 200 years or so, there has been a small town of soulmates that has sprung up with enough magic that it is not tied to any one place but is accessible from all over the world. One pair of soulmates in this town have figured out how to bring forward more of the knowledge they have gained about Soulmates over their many lifetimes, and are the foremost experts in Soul based magic. 

Not every soulmate grouping lives in this town, but most come in contact with it in their lifetimes and certain cultural norms have developed. 

The Vow: Every group of soulmates guard their vow and it’s wording with everything they are. The only people who know the wording of the Vow are the people that swear it. Though no one actually knows, most soulmate groups believe that the initial ritual was created by some form of slaves, fearing that they would be separated from their loved ones.  Thus they keep the working a secret so that no one will be able to induce Bondrot or force the bonds to break. 

Current Lives: There is a tendency throughout all the soulmates to be somewhat disconnected from the people in their current lives. No one can really tell if the disconnect comes from the soulmates (not forming connections in the current life because they have connections already) or the non soulmate (that they can sense something strange so never form that connection) or some combination of both.  Because of this disconnect soulmates tend not to talk about being soulmates with anyone in their current lives.

Death: Soulmates do not see death as an ending, and in some cases is the answer to a problem (particularly if that problem is related to Bondrot). Most of the time, once one member of a soulmate group dies, the others die within about 6 months. Generally enough time to put their affairs in order. 

Now, almost three pages in, it is time to build the specifics.

One, Jason and Tim are soulmates. It is and was a romantic relationship.  They reaffirmed their vow (The vow they made was swearing to never willinging kiss another-further reinforcing the idea that the initial ritual was designed by slaves) two months before Jason died in Ethiopia, but had not told anyone in the batfam that they knew each other. 

Tim started to get his affairs in order, but realized that Bruce was losing his shit over Jason’s death. Thus decides that, before he can join Jason he needs to get Bruce back into better mental ground, still never letting on who Jason was to him. By the time Bruce is stable, Red Hood has been revealed as Jason. But here’s the twist. 

Jason comes back, digs himself out of his grave, and is thrown in the Lazarus Pit by Talia. Talia wants him to forge him into a weapon against Bruce, to an extent. She wants to break down Bruce’s psyche so that she and Ra’s can mold Bruce into the heir to the Demon’s head.  If her plan had gone as it was supposed to, Jason would have been wielded to kill Tim and Dick then killed by Bruce (in the midst of a grief fueled psychotic break) only to be revealed as Jason Todd as he died. Talia would then swoop in to the Broken Bruce with the lure of a remaining son (Damian). Bruce would follow after her for the sake of the only child he had left and she would mold him into the person she wanted him to be. 

This is not what happened. And where Magic enters. 

In the first place, there is no way that Jason does not recognize Tim, Robin costume or not. And Jason has no problem with his soulmate being Robin. Second, death does not mean the same thing to Jason as it would to most, and he’s aware of that.  He’s a little irritated at the Joker for murdering him, but despite the fact that he has no clear memories of his past life he is pretty sure that the Joker is not the only person to murder him (also to a certain extent does not feel traumatized/surprised that the Joker- an unrepentant murderer- murdered him). He is more betrayed and pissed at Sheila but she ends up dead. Jason is also very aware that Bruce has tons of trauma regarding death, so does not come out of the Pit thinking that Bruce should have killed (thus triggering the destruction of the core of Bruce’s being) the Joker.  He also outright, and vocally, disbelieves Talia when she tries to say that Dick deliberately missed his funeral.. 

In short Talia is not able to weaponize Jason after the Lazarus pit. So she finds a magic user. Later opinions will say she found an idiot of an amateur magic user, who she has cast a memory spell on Jason. It is a spell to suppress his happy memories from before his death, and to increase his anger toward Bruce, Tim, and Dick to a very specific level (so he does not go kill Bruce outright).

The Soulmate ritual is soul magic. It is ancient and, save for Bondrot and the bond breaking, is unbreakable.  However it does not need to be broken to be affected. If a person’s memory of making The Vow, and the memories of the person they made the vow to is suppressed, then how will Jason even know there is something to break or that he has. 

The Lazarus pit is magic of the body and mind. It heals and hurts and causes madness that is supposed to fade after a time. It saturates and causes instability, but is supposed to drain from the flesh.

The final spell cast is one of the mind and the emotions.  It is cast to be permanent, but not in the same way that Soul magic is permanent (it lasts unto death or being broken not it lasts unto eternity).  It is meant to exist on the surface and shape a person, but not meant to penetrate deeper. 

As far as Talia is concerned, the memory spell worked as intended, Jason no longer remembered most of his good memories from before his death and wanted to kill ‘The Replacement’. She noted that Jason’s pit madness did not seem to be fading like it should be, but cared very little about it. After all, it would not hurt her plans.  

She released him on Gotham to become The Red Hood. 

When Jason attacked Tim at Titan’s Tower, Tim realized quickly that something was wrong. He managed to knock Jason out and call ‘Doc’, a member of the soulmate group that was the foremost authority in soulmates and soul magic.  Doc was able to examine Jason, read the magic laid on him and their interactions. The magic had combined into a horrific Gordian knot, making it impossible to undo any of the magic without breaking any of the rest (and with that shattering both Jason and Tims souls and sending them into an eternity of agony).  They also could not tell Jason what was going on, for fear that the knowledge would put pressure on the memory spell (which was poorly applied besides), thus back to shattering it and  their souls. Though Tim and Doc discuss death as a reset, they cannot be sure that the magic will not follow them into the next life and make things worse.

Tim makes the decision to not tell the rest of the Batfam either, correctly deducing that they would never be able to leave it alone. He maintains the status quo, never letting on the pain he was feeling as Jason, not remembering their vow, breaks it often. He tell no one about his deeper relationship to Jason. 

Now we have built enough to arrive at the scenes in my head, set a few years after Bruce returns from the Timestream. The Bats (Batman, Red Hood, Nightwing, Red Robin, Black Bat, Batgirl, Robin), two lanterns, along with Zatanna and Constantine are captured by some weird new villain who has a device, decidedly running on science and not magic, that is supposed to transform suffering/ bad memories into  power for the villian. The villain had already drained one of the Lanterns, who was from off world, into a near catatonic state. 

The villain, who doesn’t get a name, they are not important enough, takes Jason to put in the machine, also plugs himself in and turns it on…

Only to begin to scream, which is not what happened the first time. The magic acting on Jason reacted badly to the villains machine.  For the villain. 

The distraction is enough for the group of heroes to break out and capture the villain. Tim goes right to unstrap Jason. 

Jason wakes up and calls Tim by a name the Bats had never heard (a nickname that had stuck around through each lifetime) and as Tim goes still, Jason apologizes over and over for what he was doing, saying that he can feel himself being dragged under again.  After a small amount of time Jason goes silent and when he speaks again it is clear he does not remember anything after being strapped into the machine. 

Later, during the debriefing in the Cave with the Bats and the two magic users (the lanterns had left to get the injured lantern medical care), Damian brings up Jasons strange words after the machine was turned off. Damian goes to say what Jason had called Tim, but Tim interrupts, saying that if Damian attempts to speak that term, Tim would rip his tongue out and feed it to him. Completely serious and threatening in a way that is unusual.  

There is a bit of back and forth while Tim tries to not have to answer any questions, Jason is very confused and irritated, and the rest of the table is only mildly less confused. Finally Tim does convince them that saying the wrong thing would have disastrous consequences (Dick: What’s the worst that could happen? Tim: You shatter the minds and souls of multiple people and send them into eternal agony), but they convince him that it is better to give them, including Jason, as much information as possible. Tim insists on calling Doc to explain things.  He also turns to Bruce and goes “Doc knows me as a civilian, we can either invite him to the Cave, and disclose our identities to him, or we can invite him to the Manor and Constantine and Zatanna can stop pretending they don’t know who we are.”

Batman decides to receive this Doc in one of the manor’s sitting rooms. 

Doc arrives, Tim gives him a brief overview of what went on. Doc then surprises everyone by asking Tim if he had any additional pain (since Tim is bearing all of the pain from their Bondrot, he would know better if the machine had done anything to make the bond unstable).  When Tim says no, Doc nods to himself and murmurs that they then have time to do things right. He looks at Jason and asks if he was ok with the rest, barring Tim, knowing what was going on. Dick tries to interject but Doc says that without Jason and Tim’s ok, none of them were learning squat. 

Jason does decide that he is okay with the bats and the magic users knowing whatever was going on. Doc nods and goes “Alright, here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to do a quick spell to give an overview of what is going on. Mostly to establish my bonafides with the magic users, so that when I explain the sheer fuckery going on we don’t waste time with what I should or should not know. Then I will tell you what the parts that I safely can.” Jason starts to look even more irate “What I do or do not tell you has nothing to do with your abilities. But I will not risk a 80% of unending agony for your ego. After I explain I will do a slightly deeper check, then you will choose someone, not Tim, to make decisions on your behalf, I cast a spell to ensure that they will make choices with your long term interest at heart, then you and Tim will go somewhere out of earshot so that I can give a more complete explanation.Then see if we can plan on where to go from here.”

Jason let Doc do the overview spell (specifically created to not interfere with other magic), the results of which appear in triplicate on letter sized paper on a nearby table. The Doc goes “The long and short of it is, at some point after your cam out f the Lazarus Pits some moron of an amateur magic user cast a spell on you which interacted weirdly with both the Pit and another piece of beneficial magic that, if broken, is going to result in that eternal agony. Because of the interaction between the magic we can’t remove one without breaking the others. Too much information about the spell effects will cause your mind to break the spell and lead to the aforementioned eternal agony.”

With that Doc moved on to a verbal check with Tim. Things like likelihood of nightmares for Tim tonight (Tim: 100% Jay saw me completely for 1 minute 19 seconds before fading); Tim’s current pain level (Tim: 9.3 out of 10; Doc: That’s lower than I thought. Tim: 1 minute 19 second) and other questions that no one had the context for but the answers were still concerning.  

After that Jason picks Alfred to speak on his behalf, Doc behinds Alfred to make decisions for Jason’s long term welfare no matter Alfred’s feelings on the matter (on the off chance that Death is brought up as an option again). After Jason and Tim are out of earshot, Doc hands Constantine and Zatanna the most recent result of the spell, also summoning the previous results as well to give a more complete picture. 

The first thing Constantine said was agreeing that the memory spell was cast by a moron.  Then he gets a little pale when he sees the Soulmate magic that is affecting Jason. 

Doc explains Soulmates, that Jason and Tim are Soulmates in this sense, and what exactly the combination of magic on Jason is doing. He also mentions in this explanation that killing Tim and Jason had been discussed but put aside and that Jason had broken their vow (one of the contextless questions asked) three times in the last week. 

All of the bats, including Damian, are a little distressed to realize that the only reason that Death was not still be considered as an answer was that they did not know if the convoluted magic would follow Jason into the next life. Also Bruce and Dick were having a bit of a crisis in the realization that Bruce’s breakdown had prevented Tim’s death before they ever met him. 

Though Black Bat is not particularly well versed in magic, she is the one (while peering curiously over Zatanna’s shoulder) that points out there is a difference between the most recent results and the ones from previous overview spells cast. Doc looks and realizes that the machine had shifted something in the spell, in that telling Jason the vow he made would no longer shatter the spells. From the readings it was clear if Jason and Tim made their vow again, it would reestablish their bond, free of the other magic.  

There is still a risk. There was about a 20% chance it would not work and the act of Tim (because Tim is the only person who remembers the Vow) telling the vow to Jason would shatter them both. 

Doc (who had previously, extensively, discussed Tim’s wishes on the subject with him)and Alfred (bound by magic as well) decide that 20% is worth the risk, to Batman’s vocal displeasure.  The call JAson and Tim back in. Because of the way that the machine shifted the magic, they cannot tell Jason what he is vowing or why. All they can say is that Tim is going to tell you a vow that you will have to make, and that should fix things. 

Tim gets no explanation either, but goes along with it. He does insist that they find a room big enough that they can be in sight, but far enough away that no one can overhear their vow. 

They say their vows again (‘I swear not to willingly kiss anyone but you’) and it works, reestablishing their bond. It does not fully break the other spells, though that will come naturally with time.  But the bond being reestablished is enough for Jason to gain some of the knowledge he has again about soulmates and realize exactly how much pain he has been causing Tim.

Jason and tim, now holding hands, say goodbye to Doc (after another brief check to make sure things are as astable as can be) and go to leave to head to Tim’s Nest. The batfam expresses vocal displeasure with that. Jason goes ‘both of us are due about three panic attacks…each. We need to feel completely safe to do that, and the manor has not been safe for us for a long time’.

I have no idea where it goes from there, but anyone who wants to pick it up and run with it is welcome.

[zomboivex]

Vexting’s Official (Unofficial) Tier-List of the TKD Cast

I’ll break down my reasonings below the cut.

S-Tier

For me, these are characters that steal the scene whenever they’re in it, for me. I live, breathe, and eat this character up.

Rui Mizuki - is it really a surprise that Rui is at the very top? He has stolen my heart the first time I laid my eyes upon him. There’s something about a blond man that has ties to a deadly touch that just gets me (hello Prosciutto). But- in all honesty, I just love how deep and complex he feels, to me. He’s profoundly tragic all while masking it with an air of being overly friendly and helpful. I could honestly write an entire dissertation of this character (and I plan to). But I’ll save that for another day.

Leo Kurosagi - A polarizing character for many. I do think he gets a lot of hate compared to other equally offending characters. But aside from that, I really actually enjoy Leo. Sure, he’s an ass at times. But he really strikes me as someone who is so deeply insecure but refusing to let others know any of his weaknesses so he comes across as an asshole. He DOES do assholeish things. He reminds me a lot of younger me, as well. So biased. And yeah- I was a shit person. But growth, ya know? Anyways. Leo does have redeeming qualities. He does try to help Alan and look out for him (when he refuses to give the original copy of the case file but made a copy to give) as well as trying to make sure Tohma doesn’t take advantage of him. Not to mention making a literal app for Sho’s food truck. He DOES care. He shows it in his own way. And yeah, he’s a prick. But ya know- I just don’t see him as the worst offender (‘realistic’ or not).

Ren Shiranami - Ren is unironically fucking FUNNY. Dude is trapped in a clown world. Forced to wear the most atrocious outfits while trying to just keep to himself. He’s really trying to keep out of things and I love that for him. Also his SSR standard is my favorite standard. And he’s beyond expressive. I just love this guy.

A-Tier

This category are characters I greatly enjoy for one reason or another. They don’t quite make the cut into the S rank for one flaw or other. But, they’re still pretty solid in my eyes.

Ed Hart - He fucking cracks me up. I’m not into the whole vampire trope thing but he subverted my expectations by being the most cringe crackpot theorist I’ve ever laid eyes upon. I adore and despise him at the same time. He’s only not higher simply because it’s Ed. He just- can’t go any higher.

Yuri Isami - This newest chapter really bumped him up to top 5 territory for me. I love me an overconfident guy who’s clearly overcompensating. I won’t say anything else. But iykyk. He really shot up from like C-Tier to A-Tier.

Haru Sagara - Haru is fucking hilarious and he bounces well off of Ren. He zips about and is unapologetically a nuisance to all. Though, sorry Haru, you stay in A-Tier because you do have a few things that kinda make me go ‘hmmmmm’ for a second. And I can’t put my finger on why, just yet.

Ritsu Shinjo - One-track minded and really stuck in a single line of thinking. He’s hilariously wrong and doesn’t even realize it. I mean he’s not ALWAYS wrong, obviously. But- the fact that he’s so over-confident to the point of ignoring anything else anyone says kills me. A-Tier if only because of association with Taiga. And also his pretentious hand on chest pose that he has all the time in (most) of his cards. Get outta here ya failure.

B-Tier

These characters are one I feel positively towards but I don’t think too much on them. They’re ones that I do enjoy seeing but I don’t get beyond excited when they pop up. Still, it’s an enjoyable time, all the same.

Haku Kusanagi - I’m feeling positive about Haku but there’s still not enough there for me to push him up or down. I do like what I’m seeing, though. And I love his warding card with Rui. It’s hands down my favorite card in the entire game. In fact, I love his dynamic with Rui so far and I really hope we get to see more of them together. He’s- very similar to Rui, I feel. Only slightly different. But that’s a topic for another day.

Zenji Kotodama - Good god. First of all, he has the literal best SSR character card in the entire game. IYKYK. That shit EATS. In fact, Zenji EATS. He’s a fun character with enough tragedy to balance him out. I would feel so safe and included around Zenji and he’s honestly a great guy with killer fashion. I adore him. He’s only lower because I do want to see more of him. Truly. More dynamics. I want to hear what others thought of him before he passed.

Jiro Kirisaki - Jiro is growing on me and may see some upwards movement in the future. He’s interesting enough to keep me invested but doesn’t seem to also hog up screen time, either. He’s a solid balance of being there and present and impactful but also- not in your face about it. I am so curious about him. And because there’s a LOT of mystery there, I’m keeping him here for now. But I have a feeling he’ll see some upwards movement on this list.

Sho Haizano - Sho and I would 100% throw hands. But then we’d both laugh it off, I think. He’s a bit too passive for my liking. But I can respect a man with a good truck and passion for food. As a fellow food man, myself. Sho, you’re solid there. But wash that bandana, please. He’d be higher. But- again- his passive nature makes it hard for me to place him higher than he is.

Alan Mido - Alan is a comfortable character. He’s comfortably there. But the lack of information makes it hard to place him higher, for me. I do imagine he gives some of the best hugs, though. I feel like I need an Alan hug in my life. Truly.

C-Tier

Characters placed here are ones I feel a little indifferent towards or feel a bit annoyed if they’re on the screen (depending on the context). But they’re not irredeemable in my eyes. Just characters that I personally can’t rank higher at this time.

Kaito Fuji - Kaito, you have been ALL over this list, haven’t you? From A-Tier to D-Tier to slowly moving comfortably towards the middle. He has some amazing screen time. And has two really sick fucking cards. But the constant on-screen screaming KILLS him for me. I don’t mind the boy failure aspect. I think it has its charms. But I actually have to mute my game because of him.

Romeo Lucci - Romeo, you’re really only so low because of exposure exhaustion. You’re everywhere. He has his charms, for sure. I can see why he’s appealing to some. He cracks me the fuck up because he’s so exasperated. I’m just- also kinda sick of seeing his face is all. One day, I’m sure you’ll shoot up higher.

Jin Kamurai - Jin was solid D-Tier for a while for me but after doing my character study of him, he’s been slowly going up. I don’t care for his character trope. The cold/callous CEO(esque) son who actually has a soft spot for those he cares about. Ehhh not my type. He tries too hard to be hard and it’s- kinda lame. But- I also like this pathetic side of him that’s untrusting and afraid of being betrayed again. He has some interesting aspects so we’ll see where he winds up on this list in the future.

Lyca Colt - Lyca isn’t BAD. Per say. But I’m not a fan, at all, of his werewolf form. It just- looks stupid. It looks BAD. And I can appreciate that others like him. But that really took me out. In a negative way. Now. Lyca has some sweet traits about him. And I do teeter on liking him and hating him. So he has a chance.

Subaru Kagami - I do not trust this fucker at all. I would hate him in real life, too. He sets off alarms in my head. I know he’s an actor and it’s not really a surprise that he’s putting on an act. But something about him makes me feel physically nauseous. He’s not in D-Tier if only because he does have some nice interactions and I bet he’s a pretty crier.

D-Tier

If I placed a character here, it’s because there’s just something I greatly dislike about this character. It is a personal opinion. I don’t hate them. But until the game gives me a reason to move them up, they remain here.

Tohma Ishibashi - I can see the appeal of him to others. But he comes across as so slimy. I also just cannot take anyone serious who has their monocle pierced to their fucking ear. Or even just wears a monocle. Okay cartoon ass villain.

Lucas Errant - Stale bread. He’s the ‘safe’ option. And- again, I see why people see the appeal in him. He has cute moments. But I just find him to be a scene drainer. Anytime he’s on screen I suddenly feel myself losing interest in the game.

Towa Otonashi - Towa is interesting. I’ll give him that. But he also comes across as the type to really idealize what romance is. He just gives me major ick vibes. I do look forward to learning more about him, though. And he is very cute. It’s just that personality kinda kills it for me. Anyone who has an idealized version of someone else instead of seeing them as a person with flaws feels extremely just….. gross to me.

Taiga Hoshibami - I understand why people like him. People like unhinged bad boys who give no fucks. And good for them. Not my cup of tea. But my biggest issue with Taiga is exposure exhaustion. I’m so fucking sick of seeing his face to the point that every time I do see him I roll my eyes and find my mood instantly decrease. They better do something actually interesting with him soon because I’m really getting sick of him.

[ajastu]

this is a blog made specifically so i can ramble, so time for another one. Been thinking on n off about the concept of a new game in a beloved franchise letting you down in some way, and when expressing that disappointment crosses a certain line.

Like, from personal experience: i was disappointed by dishonored 2. i swear this has something to do with dragon age, bear with me for a moment. The plot fell flat for me, the trailer basically tells you everything that happens in the game, and it really pales in comparison to the way the narrative was crafted in the first game.

HOWEVER, no matter how much of an essay i could write about the shortcomings i, personally, see with dh2, i can still acknowledge that it was a solid fucking game, with care taken in the production of it, and that a lot of people loved it for the exact things that disappointed me, and they are not in the wrong for it.

this got long, unsurprisingly, so the rest ill put behind a read-more 👍

Whenever i talk about what i think could have been done better in the sequel, it is more of a....thought exercise. Because the fact is, we're never getting the dh2 i really wanted, and so there is no need to get upset or frustrated about it. Might as well have fun analyzing it n getting to the core of what it is exactly that felt off, but not in an angry way? more like....having a fun discussion with a friend. pulling a puzzle apart kinda deal. make it Productive, and not just a feedback loop of negative feelings. Find good things in it, even.

So, when i still see people foaming-at-the-mouth mad about veilguard, im not gonna lie, i feel kind of concerned about the mental well-being of some of them.

The fact is. Veilguard is a solid fucking game. Just, objectively speaking. The level design is (to me, at least) intuitive and fun to explore, it does not feel like a slog (looking at you, dai. that one's open world design gave me the most mind-numbingly boring fever dream once), the battle mechanic doesn't make me want to download a 'skip combat' mod, the faction mechanic is fun and closer to the spirit of dao that dai was*, the plot is coherent and has a Theme, and, despite what people like to say, the lore reveals make sense and are consistent with the previous lore in the series 🤷‍♂️. I genuinely do believe that the whole blight origin thing was already thought out before dao came out. thats just how worldbuilding works, usually.

I have a ranking of the DA games in my head, based on how much i liked them. Before datv, it was as follows:

dao (a game of its time, but one i love immensely)

da2

dai (its decent enough, but it never really grabbed me like the other two)

I expected datv to take 4th place. As it currently stands, it might just share the first place with dao, for me personally.

I remember exactly the moment when it clicked for me that playing datv felt like playing dao (it was the first blackthorne mission). And that moment was very special to me. It is also, perhaps, the only game in the series which really actually made me lose my entire mind during certain story missions, but that one might just be because i saw no spoilers before going in.

It is also so so so important to me because of the way they handled the trans and specifically nonbinary representation.

It might not have been exactly what people wanted, but no game will please every single person. like, i am sure that some people dislike the game for exactly the reasons i like it. And the thing is, neither of us is in the wrong. It all comes down to expectations, and how people handle it when something does not meet theirs.

When i went into dh2, it was after a several years long wait for a sequel. I was so excited! I built up this idea of what the game would be like, and i looked forward to seeing it become real. I had Expectations! And the game did not meet most of them. It does not mean it was a bad game. It was just not what i was expecting. I could sit here and pick at it until i start despising it, but that would be a disservice both to me and to the people who put their time and passion into making it.

Before datv's release, my expectations were as low as they could possibly be (because dai is my least fav game in the series, so i was wary about the next one, and because ive heard of the development hell and the fact they were planning to add micro-transactions to the game at some point etc etc). And i do acknowledge that this played a part in how much i ended up enjoying the game. I gave it a chance while not expecting anything, and it let me see it for what it is: a solid fucking game. a good one, even.

I can absolutely see how someone with certain expectation for da4 could be disappointed by the game not addressing the things they wanted to see addressed, or addressing them in a way they don't agree with. I've been there, even! And the fact that i personally liked datv doesn't mean other people can't or shouldn't criticize it.

The difference here lies in where exactly that criticism comes from, and what it hopes to accomplish, and whether or not at some point it becomes more harmful than useful.

When caught up in the spiral of disappointment, it is important to stop and think about whether this is productive. whether this is contributing something to your life. I am no stranger to chewing a bone**. in fact, i am very predisposed to it. Which is exactly why i make an effort to reflect on whether or not it is worth it.

Because, at the end of the day, no matter how much criticism is being put out into the world about datv, or dh2, or what have you, the simple fact remains: it won't change anything about the game that got released. The effort and emotional turmoil is, ultimately, wasted. It is always better to turn that passion into something productive: fanworks, or an essay (in good faith!) that analyzes your own feelings on the topic and what you would want to see differently, or a whole another game/piece of media entirely. It is important to stop coming from a place of vitriol and hatred, because that will burn you out and leave you feeling worse. You have to make a choice to choose joy in your life.

When you see someone enjoying a game you didn't like, and your first reaction is seething hatred and/or a desire to send death threats, you have to ask yourself: is this really worth it?

You're not going to convince people to stop liking a game. Frankly, why would you Want to do that? What will it accomplish in your life? What will it contribute? In the grand scheme of things, a crusade like that is a very foolish thing to burn yourself out over. Put the bone down, and go get a proper meal 🤷‍♂️

________________________________________________

*i dont think that, with the state the current game industry is in, we will ever get another game with a similar bg mechanic like origins had. too many resources needed for that. but the factions are as close as it gets, in my personal opinion

**meaning, fixating on a topic, especially one that causes some kind of negative emotion

[duskvsdawn]

*inhale*

Shu yamino has the worst luck of being haunted by a succubus. The catch is.. the succubus is a first timer and unexpectedly holds close traditional romance values, she prefers genuinely dating her targets rather than just using them for lust. So yeah.. can i request prompt no. 33 with Shu but the non smut version? Thank you very much (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

-🍰

≫ A/N: Hello darling! Ooooh this is super interesting! A sfw version to a succubus story? This will be a challenge, but I love challenges when it comes to writing! This will be able to train my brain a little bit and make me write something I usually wouldn't, so thank you for this super cool request! I am not entirely sure how to approach this, but I will try my best! It isn't super long, but I hope you enjoy! ❤

CW: This is just cute, compared to what I normally write, I am gonna try my hardest to keep it sfw, the topic of sex does get spoken about but nothing actually happens because Shu is a total sweetheart and respects your boundaries (he is a real gentleman, after all)

Art credits.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

If you like my works, please like, comment and reblog! It is much appreciated ❤ And if you really enjoyed it, please follow me so you can be kept up to date on future uploads!

I am obsessed with you

Shu woke up, covered in sweat and with glowing cheeks. You had come to visit him in his dreams once more, and it left him breathless again. You had kissed him so intensely that it took his breath away, which made sense, because he was pretty knowledgeable about mythical creatures, and he could quickly tell that it was a succubus visiting him at night (or whenever his sleeping schedule allowed him to sleep). Your lovely lavender and vanilla smell was still lingering in his nostrils, a smell he knew very well by now. His mind and body always went into overdrive every time you came to visit him, and all sorts of hopes and dreams would fill his head. He was absolutely infatuated with you and he wanted to meet you when he was awake as soon as possible. Shu got out of bed, splashed his face with cold water and went on about his day.

You, meanwhile, were watching his every move, using your invisibility powers to spy on him. But you knew he wasn't stupid, because he would often look around the room because he noticed some presence there. A succubus is a powerful being after all, and can leave a lingering scent, their auras are usually threatening and can fill one's mind with intense feelings of lust. But not you. You were different. It had not been long since you were allowed into the succubus rank, and not many of your colleagues were happy about how you did your business. You were completely different from them. Where they would visit as many partners as they could to do all kinds of nasty things with them to suck them dry of all the power they could give, you approached things differently. You were attached to the sorcerer, and only the sorcerer, and you were not interested in all the sexual things that the other girls did. Instead, you wanted to get together with the sorcerer in a loving and caring relationship instead of hopping from one man to the other, and give him kisses and cuddles because he was just so incredibly handsome and cute to you. You kept a close eye on him all day, and you wanted to make a move on him so bad, but you were too shy. He surely noticed you, so you were hoping he would ask you first.

Another night came, and you visited him once more. You embraced him and left your face in his neck, and afterwards you gave him an intense kiss, just like you did the night before. Your heart was beating loud in your chest and you wanted to visit him outside of his dreams so much. But it seems he wanted the same. After your kiss, he spoke up: “Please, I need to touch you in real life. Can you please come visit me outside of my dreams?” he asked, and you thought 'finally, he asked me!'. You were incredibly happy that he did, so you decided to do just that.

Shu was awoken by someone gently shaking his body. The familiar smell of vanilla mixed with lavender overwhelmed his sense of smell once it became functional again when he awoke. He was met by your face hovering above his, smiling at him. You were shy about all of this as this was the first time you were actually in someone's bed. Shu smiled back and reached out to rub your cheek with the back of his hand, and that made you feel more at ease. You laid down next to him instead of hovering over him, and wrapped your arms around him.

"I am so happy you asked, I was too shy to actually come visit you myself." you admitted with a blush appearing on your face. He asked you why you went about things so differently than other succubi did, and you explained to him that you were absolutely obsessed with him, and that anything sexual was something you didn't nessicarily like. He nodded his head and kissed your forehead, his kisses gradually moving down all over your face, and ending on your lips. You let out a happy sigh as your twirled some of his hair around your finger. It felt so soft and it was incredibly pretty. And the moonlight being reflected into his beautiful galaxy colored eyes made a massive swarm of butterflies appear in your stomach. You were so in love with this man, it's absolutely ridiculous.

And your powers told you that he was just as infatuated with you as you were with him. You kissed him some more and hid your face in his neck to smell his lovely scent. It was musky, but he also smelled like the bodywash you knew he always used. But you never actually watched him in the shower or when he changed, because you respected his privacy and seeing him naked made you feel way too nervous anyway. Maybe you would someday, after the two of you got married, went on a honeymoon, went to the accomodation the two of you would have rented for the occassion and- you were getting ahead of yourself. Just thinking about all these things made you giddy but also incredibly nervous. You wanted to just tie the knot with him so badly, and maybe, someday you would. He really wanted to do the same as he loved you dearly and he treasured you so much. The two of you practically already knew everything about each other as the both of you had talked a lot in his sleep. In his dreams you would often sit on a comfy couch, holding hands, looking into each other's eyes as you talked about basic things and aspirations.

Lost in your own thoughts, you were pulled out of them when Shu left a gentle, loving kiss at the top of your head. You looked up at him with teary eyes, so close to spilling over. He gently wiped them away and asked you what was wrong. You told him that you were constantly being ridiculed by your colleagues for being so different from them. That you loved him so incredibly much. Him and only him, and that no one else mattered to you. You asked him if you were even a succubus at all at this point. The way the others talked about sex so casually made you uncomfortable, like it was the most normal thing in the world to sleep around. Like sex was the most fun you could ever have. Maybe it was, but to you it was different. You considered it something sacred, shared between two lovers that had been together for quite some time. You asked him if it was wrong of you to have such traditional beliefs when it came to love and sex, and the sorcerer shook his head.

"I don't think that's wrong at all. It makes you unique. And I do feel bad that the others make so much fun of you for having these beliefs, it's not fair. I don't want you to get hurt. I admit I would love to have intercourse with you at some point, but only if you want it too, and if you are maybe at some point comfortable with it." Shu said as he left another loving kiss on your forehead. You smiled as you felt much more at ease with his answer and you could tell he was telling the truth. You happily nodded and leaned your forehead against his. One hand entangled in your hair to gently rub the back of your head as his other hand lovingly rubbed your back. With him next to you, you felt whole. You felt happy. You felt at home in his arms. And Shu felt the very same way, gently kissing your lips.

"Stay here with me. Atleast for tonight. I would love it even more if you stayed forever. I know you've been around for a long time. I felt a presence and smelt your signature smell. It felt comforting. Please, stay." the sorcerer said, and you happily nodded your head. You leaned forward and kissed him, as one of your hands was placed on his chest so you could feel his heartbeat.

You would never leave his side, and you decided to not care about what the others thought about you. You didn't care if you were stripped of your powers and left to be a normal human being. He was your soulmate, you just knew for certain. You closed your eyes, and the both of you drifted off to sleep. You would still visit him in his dreams, so you would never have to be apart for a single second.

[alexanderwales]

Pitchposting: Generation Ship

(Pitchposting is a way of giving away ideas that threaten to grow in my mind until they become draft documents. They are free to a good home, though there's no guarantee that I won't try to write them at some point.)

Alright, hear me out: it's a generation ship, one expected to reach its destination with an entirely new generation of people who never knew the homeland, except instead of being a scifi concept, we're doing it as mundane as possible.

I think this is one of those ideas that only appeals to me because I immediately start thinking about the logistics of it all, and there's something in the mundane, gritty realism that really appeals to me. Mostly I'm worldbuilding and problem solving, trying to get at what it would actually be like for people to have been at sea their entire lives, to have a ship that either needs to endure the waves or be rebuilt as it goes.

I was going to say that this needs to be fantasy, but I guess technically it can be an Alderson Disk or something. An Alderson Disk has a habitable circumference of approximately a billion kilometers, a sailing ship can go maybe eighty miles a day, that's a ballpark of 12.5 million days to circumnavigate the disk, which is 34,000 years. That's a hell of a lot of generations, twice as long as we've had agriculture. (But you could also just have it be a fantasy world that's larger than our own, with a generation ship that was only trying to flee to greener pastures that are a hundred years away.)

The purest version of this story is a world that's just water, to match the void of space. The ship sails, repairs are made from flotsam and jetsam and driftwood from unspecified places, rainwater is caught and put into barrels, pitch is used for patching, fish and kelp are hauled up from the ocean, birds are captured from the sky, and the ship must necessarily endure storms and swells.

I've always felt there was something compelling about constrained living situations, places where everyone knows everyone and you have to make it work because there's absolutely no way out — where you're on a knife's edge because there's only so much preparation you can do. A generation ship needs to think about absolutely all of its needs and how it will deal with the deterioration of all things over time, along with problems that might only crop up once every hundred years, or problems that won't become apparent until long after the ship has left the dock.

Let's say you have a sailing ship the size of one of the largest sailing vessels of the 19th century, a thousand people all told. The families are carefully braided to prevent accidental incest, everyone has their position in life, every master has at least one apprentice but probably more so gout or cancer don't eliminate the last person who knew how to make more pitch.

This is clearly an Idea story, one that starts with a ridiculous premise and then explores it, but one of my favorite things about idea stories is finding the characters and the conflicts within them. For a generation ship, the biggest, most obvious conflict is the conflict between generations: the old people who once knew dry land, the middle generation who will likely die before the destination is reached, and the children who will be the beneficiaries of all this travel.

We have a woman who was born to the sea, who loves the sea, who loves the travel and takes great joy in knowing that she's probably not going to see the end of it until she's ancient. We have the grizzled sailor who's nearly risen to the rank of captain and sees the whole mission as utter foolishness. A boy of thirteen who is obsessed with writing stories about the land they've set off toward and keeps his telescope on the horizon, hoping that the predictions were off, that they're somehow two decades early. A girl of sixteen who doesn't feel suited to the marriage that's planned for her, who is secretly in love with her best friend. A scientist who has been quietly advancing the state of knowledge with every new fish brought up from the deeps.

And then there's the plot, which there are so, so many options for. I would start the novel with simple sailing, a few chapters of the daily routine, the personalities, their petty fights with each other, and the stress of being in the middle of unfathomably deep waters whose depths are only glimpsed when the nets bring up something new. Then ... an island, another ship, sea creatures that have a glimmer of intelligence, a storm that makes the ship limp, spoilage that threatens starvation unless drastic action is taken, a political squabble that might bring all the plans crashing down.

Maybe it's a book about being trapped by the past, or about hanging on by what feels like a delicate thread, or about how systems are fragile and careful thinking and brave leadership are the only things that will get us through.

Mostly I think I want to be a geek about a ship that needs to survive in the ocean for a hundred years, and I do not have the time to write this novel, not when there are so many other novels to write.

[kittencomicslol]

Awake at night again unable to sleep. Decided to write another snuggle/comfort fic with Gyutaro but this time w demon Gyutaro!! Hooray :3

No TW’s, it’s literally just more tooth rotting fluff. It’s a little short but it’s nice. Did my best to spell check this one too but Y’know I was sleepy so if there’s any errors just lmk >_<

With a small little huff, Gyutaro laid down next to you on the bed. It had been a rather long day… Daki handled a Hashira rather immaturely. Though everything ended up fine after Gyutaro came quickly to defend her, and their secretive location didn’t get it out, it was still upsetting for Gyutaro. He tried to explain to Daki that she needed to be more careful about dealing with high ranking slayers and per usual, Daki got upset and whined about how he needed to let her be ‘more independent’.

Gyutaro didn’t try to push much since the last thing he would ever wanna do is upset his dear little sister, but he was still rightfully annoyed after their fight.

“Hey..”

You spoke out softly, your voice ringing in his ears in a way he could only describe as comforting. Somehow, your presence was always able to help him calm down even when in a fit of blind rage, and oh how he loved you so for it.

Gyutaro was still upset, and since he didn’t know how to properly handle or express his feelings he just let out an angry huff as he kept his back turned to you. Fortunately for him you knew him well enough to understand what was going on and how to help.

You weren’t pushy, and you didn’t ask him a bunch of questions or berate him. You simply scooted closer, gently wrapping your arms around his thin body and resting your head against his back. Gyutaros heart ached.

He loved how sweet you always were with him, how you handled him so gently as if he were the most precious thing in the world. He loved you dearly and if there was one thing he didn’t want, it was for you to be uncomfortable. He hated being the little spoon when you cuddled or having you up against his back. He knew his body wasn’t perfect.. he didn’t exactly mind. He was proud of his ugliness and how much of a monster he was, but he still knew that it would be less appealing to touch. He knew you claimed it was fine but he didn’t want you to be uncomfortable due to his weird protruding bony spine or hips.

He grumbled slightly, flipping over and gently pulling you against his chest. He made sure to not bring you too close though, out of fear his ribs might make you uncomfortable. But you didn’t seem to mind all that much when you gladly snuggled yourself up against him, resting your head against his weird skinny chest.

Gyutaro didn’t think he would ever fully comprehend how or why you were so comfortable with his deformed hideous body.. but it’s not like he was upset at you for it. If anything, he was impressed and thankful that someone could actually love him. He had grown up accepting the fact he would always be alone and became content with making Daki his top priority.. but then you came along.

Gyutaro grumbled, nothing coherent or of meaning; just a habit he had when thinking about something or having overwhelming feelings. He wanted to scratch himself since even thinking about the fact you loved him overwhelmed his senses.. but he didn’t. He wanted to keep you safe and comfortable, and right now that consisted of holding you close.

“It’s nice to see you, Gyutaro.. seems like you had a long day, hm?..”

Your voice was something he would never get used to either. But that wasn’t a bad thing at all, because he would never get tired of how soothing it was. He huffed in an upset manner and nodded slightly, seeming to be in a frustrated almost nonverbal state.

He was glad you never pushed when he was upset, because even if he knew he wouldn’t ever lash out or harm you because he loves you too much, he still got frustrated from questions when he was upset. He always found them so hard to answer when he was overwhelmed which only always caused a spiral into more anger.

A content sigh escaped the demon's lips as he felt your hand gently run along his back in a tender manner, selfishly indulging into all of the pampering you gave him despite his knowledge he did not deserve such love. It was only natural after all.

“Well, don’t worry.. we don’t have anything to do at all tonight… we can just relax.. sounds good?”

Simple yes or no questions were always better in moderation during such situations, especially if it was context to help him settle down. Gyutaro let out a grunt and nodded again, giving you a slight squeeze while keeping you held close.

You couldn’t help but smile, grateful he was trusting enough of you to confide in your comforts when he felt vulnerable. Hell, he didn’t even do this sort of thing with Daki.. he didn’t want her to think he was weak or unfit to protect her. Besides, Gyutaro knew very well she was just too young and immature to properly understand or handle his complex feelings. Gyutaro still loved Daki dearly and allowed her to confide in him when she was upset, but he never wanted to stress her. He only ever wanted the best for her, willing to overwork and stress himself to the bone just to make sure she didn’t have to raise a finger.

He was able to find solace in calmer moments, and was always able to push through even if he was ticked off and overwhelmed after extensive work. Your help was also another thing that helped keep him more stable.

Every time you helped him calm down or showed him love, Gyutaro seemed to understand why Daki enjoyed him helping her so much.

No wonder Daki confided in his assistance if being tended to and pampered felt this good.

“M’ proud of you, Gyu.. always working so hard.. you’re such a sweet man, you know that?”

Your voice cooed, causing his stomach to do flips from the simple words of praise that acknowledged his hard work. The words ‘sweet man’ were definitely not fitting for him in any other circumstances or around anyone else, and he knew that he wasn’t sweet. But he could care less, always brushing off the rationality and letting himself comfortably melt into your sweet words of affirmation and love. As long as he was with you, he was more than fine being a sweet man. Anything that made you happy, anything you wanted to call him.. he would love all of it, just seeing you smile is enough to make his heart race. He never realized how emotionally sensitive he was until he met you, but.. he doesn’t really mind it.

At first Gyutaro was worried and even intimidated by how you made him feel. fuzzy, comforted, calm.. all were signs of weakness to him, which was something that he couldn’t be based on what was instinctually ingrained into his head. At least.. that was until he actually started working with you and becoming more comfortable with the idea of feeling comfortable. He still hated the idea of being weak.. but he didn’t mind being calm for a little bit, even if it meant showing some weakness. He felt this way because you would be there, someone he knew that he could show these ‘weaknesses’ around without being viewed as lesser.

He grumbled softly, pulling you closer just ever so slightly. Gyutaro made sure to be gentle, always aware of his weird boney physique and always worried of hurting you, or even just making you uncomfortable.

“You did good today, Gyutaro.. so good. I’m so lucky to have you, and so is Daki.. you make us the luckiest souls in the world..”

These words were ones that he would never forget; Akin to whenever else you praised him. He would just never get over it, and never fully get used to how good and relaxing it truly felt. Despite what you claimed about you and Daki being the luckiest souls alive because of him, he felt the opposite. Because despite his misfortune, he honestly and truly believed he had to be one of the luckiest men alive to have gotten to meet and form a relationship with you. He was the luckiest man alive to be able to provide and care for his sister and you, and it was a task that made him feel something nothing else could.

Lying peacefully in your arms listening to sweet words of affirmation, for once Gyutaro truly felt at peace in this hectic life he upholds.

[dystopicjumpsuit]

No Sleep Till Coruscant

A/N: Written for the lovely @kimiheartblade. You know what you did 💙💙💙

Pairing: Captain Rex x Fem!Reader (reader has insomnia and hair that is long enough to pin up)

Rating: M (minors DNI)

Wordcount: 3k (Look, this was supposed to be 500 words. I had to stop somewhere. If people enjoy it, I’ll write another chapter.)

Warnings and tags: fluff; a little awkwardness/secondhand embarrassment; bumps up against consent issues due to power dynamics (Rex is the ranking officer, but the reader makes the first move and definitely wants this); SMUT with feelings; hair touching; talk of masturbation; heavy petting; suggestive dialogue; Rex touches the reader’s neck and throat, but there is no choking

Summary: You can’t sleep. You ask Rex to help you relax.

Suggested listening:

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“Can’t sleep?” The deep, familiar voice rumbled close to your ear, and you knew without looking who it belonged to. He may have shared a voice with millions of other clones, but his was the only one that made your skin prickle with awareness.

You tore your eyes away from the Venator viewport as your captain stepped up next to you. You hadn’t even heard his approach, and his ability to move in total stealth while wearing half his body weight in armor and kama never failed to amaze you. His dark eyes traced your features a little too observantly, and you shook your head without speaking, turning back to the viewport and hoping he hadn’t been able to read your expression too closely.

“Something on your mind?” he asked.

“No more than usual,” you replied with a shrug. “I’ve never been very good at sleeping.”

“I guess we all have our faults,” he smiled. “I was wondering what yours was.”

“I suppose there are worse fatal flaws than insomnia.”

His lips quirked in a tiny smile, and he turned toward the viewport to gaze with you at the hypnotic blue swirl of hyperspace. After a few moments, he spoke again, quietly.

“Probably easier to fall asleep if you’re actually in your bunk instead of standing on the bridge hours after your shift ends.”

“Probably,” you acknowledged.

“Do I have to make it an order?”

You smiled. “I wish it were that easy. You could just comm me before bed every night and order me to go to sleep, and I’d have no choice but to comply. Insomnia cured by the power of the legendary Captain Rex.”

He turned his head minutely, and even without seeing it, you could feel his scrutiny. “Worth a try. Come on. I’ll walk you to your quarters.”

It wasn’t a request, so you fell into step next to him as the two of you proceeded down the silent halls of the Venator. You didn’t speak at first, content to walk with him in companionable silence. The majority of the ship was on sleep cycle, and the few troopers you passed merely nodded and continued about their business.

“What’s your excuse—”

“Got plans for shore—”

You and Rex spoke at the same moment, then stopped abruptly with quiet laughs.

“After you, Captain,” you said.

“Just wondering if you had plans when we get back to Coruscant for shore leave,” he said.

“Probably going to lie awake and wish I could sleep for most of it,” you admitted. “You?”

“I don’t think you quite grasp the ‘rest’ half of R & R,” he observed.

“Right, because you’re one to talk, Captain ‘Duty Never Sleeps,’” you teased.

“I never said that,” Rex objected.

“But you’re probably saving it to drop on the next batch of shinies they bring us, aren’t you?” 

His chuckle was so quiet you barely heard it. “What were you going to ask?”

“I was just curious what your excuse was for being awake in the middle of the sleep cycle,” you said.

“Duty never sleeps,” he said solemnly.

“I walked right into that, didn't I?” you laughed, allowing yourself the tiny indulgence of nudging him with your shoulder. Not that it did you any good; you couldn't even feel him beneath the cold plastoid armor, and all you got for your effort was a sore shoulder. 

Far too quickly, you reached your quarters, pausing outside the door. You didn't want to go inside, if you were honest with yourself. There was nothing in that room except an empty bed and four empty, gray walls that stared back at you through every endless, agonizing hour that you lay awake. Rex, too, seemed unsure of what to do now that you'd reached your destination. He fidgeted subtly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

“Do you want to come in?” you asked on impulse. His eyebrows shot up in surprise, and you hastened to add, “For safety, you know. If you order me to go to sleep, and it actually works, it would probably be best if I'm close to the bunk. That way I don't fall and hit my head or something…”

You trailed off, realizing you were rambling.

“Good point,” he said, his eyes flicking almost imperceptibly down to your lips. “Wouldn't want to have a medical emergency.”

“Kix would never forgive us for the extra paperwork,” you agreed, keying in your door code and motioning him into the room.

As the door slid shut behind you, Rex asked, “Speaking of Kix, have you talked to him about your trouble sleeping?”

“Yeah. He gave me some pills that made me wake up in the morning with no memory of walking to the mess hall and making a grilled cheese sandwich while the cooking droid yelled at me for entering a restricted zone. I never bothered to try them again.”

“Can’t say I blame you,” Rex said dryly. “How was the sandwich?”

“Apparently I threw it in the trash without tasting it. Damned waste of cheese, if you ask me.”

“If it was GAR cheese, you did the galaxy a service,” he said.

“When can I expect my commendation?” you asked.

“Best I can do is a heartfelt thank you.”

Your eyes crinkled with amusement, and Rex smiled, looking rather adorably pleased with himself at having made you laugh. You scrambled for a clever reply, but nothing came to mind, and the silence stretched out until it became awkward. 

At last, you managed, “I'd offer you a seat, but the only option is the bunk.”

Rex looked away. “I should probably go, anyway. Will you be able to sleep?”

Suddenly possessed by unprecedented audacity, you murmured, “If I say no, will you sing me a lullaby?”

Rex drew in a quiet breath and stepped closer to you. “How often is it like this for you? How often do you lie awake, tossing and turning?”

“Every night,” you confessed.

“And what do you usually do when you can't sleep?” Something shifted in his tone, his words coming out low and husky.

Your tongue darted out to moisten your dry lips, and this time, there was no mistaking the way his eyes dropped to your mouth.

“I—I'm not sure I should say,” you rasped.

He dragged his gaze away from your lips at last, looking up into your eyes. “You can trust me.”

“I know.”

“Then… Will you tell me?” he asked.

“Sometimes, I take matters into my own hands.”

His eyes locked with yours, his gaze sharp and intense. “You…”

You nodded. “Sometimes it works.”

“When was the last time it worked?” His words were quiet and rough, his eyes dark as he looked deeply into your eyes.

“Last night,” you admitted breathlessly. “Probably why there's no way I'll be able to sleep tonight.”

“What did you do?” he whispered.

Drawing a deep, steadying breath, you began, “If I describe it to you, will you—”

His eyes widened as you paused, tongue-tied. “Do you want me to… Touch you? The way you tell me?”

You nodded, your entire body feeling like it was aflame. Hearing him put it so bluntly, you understood the magnitude of your suggestion. This was such a mistake. What was I thinking?! Asking a superior officer to—to—Asking Rex—Rex! Of all people—to touch me like that! I must finally be losing my mind.

Before you could backpedal, though, he slowly pulled off his gloves and dropped them on your nightstand. Your breath shuddered to a halt as you realized you'd never seen his hands without gloves before. In fact, this was the most exposed you'd ever seen the captain: helmet and gloves removed, yet still covered in armor. You felt like a swooning maiden in some overwrought period holodrama, having a fit of the vapours at the tiniest sliver of skin.

“How did you start?” he asked, stepping forward into your space. 

Force, has he always been this big? You felt acutely conscious of the bulk of his armor, his pauldrons so broad that it seemed like all you could see was white and blue plastoid. When you met his eyes, though, you saw something else: a searing heat that burned away all your doubts—a hunger that made your blood race in your veins.

“I started with my hair,” you replied, your voice noticeably hoarse.

He moved slowly and very deliberately, raising his hand to the back of your head. You could feel the warmth radiating from his skin as he carefully and meticulously removed every single pin holding your hair in its tidy, regulation bun. You felt your hair loosen as he pulled them out one at a time, making sure not to drop any, and when he finished, he set them in a neat pile next to his gloves on your nightstand. 

He threaded his fingers into your hair, combing out the remnants of your bun, until your hair tumbled freely down around your face. He touched the locks gently, not tugging on them in the slightest: simply feeling the texture and brushing them softly out of your eyes.

“What did you do next?” he asked in a low voice.

“I touched my face. My cheeks,” you whispered, “and my lips.”

He tucked your hair back carefully before his fingers grazed your skin. The first brush of skin on skin was electric, and you stifled a gasp. His thumb traced the line of your cheekbone as his fingertips curved under your jaw. His touch was light and gentle, his hand blissfully warm in contrast with the cool, recycled air of the starship, and you swayed slightly closer to him, leaning your face into the sensation.

He trailed his thumb down the line of your cheek until he reached the corner of your mouth. Your breath sped up slightly as you felt the calloused pad of his thumb brush over your lips, followed by two of his fingertips.

“Your lips are so soft,” he murmured, his eyes fixed on your mouth.

You brushed your tongue lightly across his fingertips, tempting him to slide them deeper between your lips. He hesitated for a moment, then slipped them into your mouth as you swirled your tongue over them. He rested his forehead against yours, his warm breath fanning softly over your skin. He raised his other hand to caress your cheek, his gaze fixed on you with an expression of pure fascination.

Slowly, he withdrew his fingers and traced them over your lips once again. For a moment, you thought he was going to kiss you, but instead, he took a ragged, shuddering breath and spoke again.

“Keep going. Describe it to me. What next?”

“Next—” the word was inaudible, and you paused to search for your voice. “Next, I touched my throat. Softly. And very slowly.”

The warmth of his fingers as they traversed the short distance from your jaw to the collar of your uniform sent shivers racing across your skin.

“May I?” he asked as he reached the opening of your collar.

You nodded your permission, and he unzipped your jacket with his other hand, the pressure of his knuckles barely palpable on your torso as they descended the line of the zipper. Instead of immediately tugging off the garment, though, he simply continued to stroke and caress your neck, drawing his fingers down from the corner of your jaw to the notch above your sternum.

“After that, I… I traced my collarbones,” you whispered.

His fingers slid beneath your uniform to run along the ridge of your clavicle as his thumb rested against the base of your throat.

“What did that feel like?” he asked quietly.

You shuddered. “Good. It felt… good. But not as good as when you do it.”

At last he slid the jacket off your shoulders, leaving you in only your camisole. His eyes flickered down to your chest, and he swallowed audibly as he realized you weren’t wearing a bra. “What did you do after that?”

“I brushed my fingertips down the center of my chest,” you murmured. “Between my breasts, but I didn’t touch them yet.”

His lips curved into a small smile as his fingers followed the line of your sternum until they reached the silky fabric of your camisole.

“Is this regulation?” he asked in a lightly teasing tone.

“No,” you admitted. “Are you going to write me up?”

“I’m sure the general would be very interested in how exactly I knew that your underwear was out of reg,” he said with a quiet huff of laughter. “Do you want to keep going?”

“Yes,” you replied, somehow managing to keep your voice from betraying the fact that you thought you might actually die if he stopped touching you now.

Is it possible to die of frustrated lust? GAR lieutenant investigates. More at eleven.

Rex dipped his fingers lower, beneath the satin camisole, as his thumb traced over the plush swell of your breast. 

“Is this how you touched yourself?” His voice was low and gravelly, with no trace of laughter lingering in it.

“Yes,” you gasped. “Just like that.”

Your heart pounded so hard you were sure he must be able to feel it as he trailed his hands over your soft, delicate skin. His eyes were fixed on your body, pupils dilated wide with arousal.

“And what did you do next?”

“I think you can guess,” you replied, heat rising in your face.

He leaned close and whispered in your ear, his warm breath sending a wave of tingles down your spine. “Indulge me.”

You inhaled sharply. “Next… Next I touched my breasts—I cupped them in my hands and played with them.”

Rex froze. His hand stilled, resting against your sternum. Even his breath paused momentarily. He whispered your name, his lips barely brushing the silky skin of your neck.

“Rex,” you murmured in a low, husky tone. “Touch me.”

He dropped his head lower, his lips almost making contact with your shoulder, but he hovered a breath away from you. Both of his hands settled on your ribcage and slid up beneath your breasts, tracing your contours, before finally cupping your breasts through your camisole, squeezing you gently, capturing your nipples between his fingers and teasing them until they were stiff and aching with pleasure.

“Like this?” he asked, his harsh whisper hot against your skin.

You arched up, desperate to feel his mouth on your body, but he held that tiny distance between the two of you. “God, yes, just like that.”

He slid his hand down your abdomen until he reached your hip. His fingers slipped beneath the hem of your camisole to tease the soft skin of your belly, and then curled beneath your waistband as he dragged his knuckles over your hip.

“What were you thinking about when you touched yourself here?” 

You dropped your head to his shoulder, burying your face against his neck, not wanting him to see the truth in your eyes.

“Tell me,” he said. His voice was soft, but every instinct you possessed screamed to obey his command.

“You.” 

The word was quiet—barely a breath—but you might as well have screamed it. Rex’s reaction was immediate and overwhelming. The hand that still held your breast released you, and his arm clamped around your body. His fingers tightened on your waistband and pulled you hard against him as he finally, finally kissed you. Lips, tongue, teeth descended on your shoulder, worked up your neck and across your jaw, leaving a trail of heated sensation in his wake.

When he reached your lips, he devoured you with all the passion he’d been holding back with such meticulous self-control. His kiss was everything you’d imagined for months. It swept over you like a wave, scattering your thoughts and making your head spin as his tongue slipped between your parted lips. He released your waistband and glided his hand beneath your camisole, up your bare abdomen, to palm your naked breast as he kissed and kissed and kissed you, until there was only one coherent thought in your mind: Is this really happening?

You clung to him, fingers gripping plastoid. You’d wanted Rex for so long, and now that you had him, it almost didn’t feel real. The thought galvanized you. You broke away just long enough to yank the camisole off over your head, dropping it to lie in a crumpled heap on the floor as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back into your kiss. His armor bit uncomfortably into your exposed skin, but you didn’t care; you were practically climbing him, frantic for contact.

“Wait,” he rasped. 

“Seriously?!”

He laughed at your impatience. “Seriously. I haven’t waited all this time to rush it now.”

Your breath caught at the implication: he’d wanted this just as much as you had. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“Why didn’t you?” he asked pointedly.

“You’re my captain—” you began.

“And you’re my lieutenant,” he replied.

Ah. Solid point.

“You’ve—you’ve been waiting for me to make the first move?” you asked. “This whole time?”

“Since the minute you came aboard.”

“Damn,” you said, struck. “Are you sure I should be working in intelligence? I completely missed the signs.”

“In fairness, stealth is one one of—”

You cut him off abruptly with a kiss. You slid your hands over the back of his head, stroking the soft, velvety, close-cropped blond hair. His groan of pleasure rumbled against your lips, sending a jolt of arousal through your entire body.

“Captain?” you whispered.

“Yes, Lieutenant?” he murmured, nuzzling your face gently.

“Permission to remove your armor, sir?”

“Kriff, don’t call me that,” he begged. “But also yes. Please.”

You went to work quickly, helping him unbuckle and strip off the heavy plastoid.

“Not a fan of being called ‘sir’ in the bedroom?” you asked curiously.

“Just don’t need to be reminded that we’re breaking about forty-two regulations right now.”

You shot him a look brimming with mischief. “We’re going to break a lot more before we get to Coruscant.”

[accirax]

I think I remember you making a theory about who would die and when in Eden’s Garden. Now that the title of chapter 1 has been revealed, (and the title usually at least loosely relates to the themes/victim/culprit of the chapter), have your options on who might bite the dust this chapter changed?

Project: Eden's Garden Chapter 1 Killer/Victim Theory

Ooh, an Eden's Garden ask! It's been a while since I've gotten to talk about this game, so, thanks :D

Funnily enough, the inciting incident of this ask isn't actually real. I haven't made a full death prediction for P:EG, mostly because of how little information we have as to the characters' full personalities and, perhaps more importantly, their bonds with each other. Your memory might be a combination of my mastermind ranking (and its update), that one time I rambled about different fangan writing styles (including the logic behind a first victim), and some off-the-wall speculation about what a ch2 victim Eva might look like in another meta discussion post mostly focused on DRDT. I made some offhand comments about potential victims and killers (especially in the early game) in all of those posts, so given my history of discussing DRDT's death order, I can see how that post might have formulated in your mind. Alas, it does not actually exist.

Still, with the first chapter of P:EG coming out soon (ish), I'd be delighted to spare some speculations as to who might be on the chopping block for the first chapter, least! My usual apologies for this taking so long, but this time, I also wanted to replay the prologue since I was kind of hazy on what actually happened in it. However, this extensive writing period has given me additional time to think of what I want to say, and hopefully come up with a convincing theory as to what may happen.

(Spoilers for Trigger Happy Havoc, SDR2, and V3, as well as some very minor spoilers for SDRA2 Chapter 2. You only need to worry about them if you wanted to go into SDRA2 completely blind.)

The Title

The first step here is obviously to take a deep dive into what the title could actually mean or imply. I keep wanting to think that the title refers to death, but that phrase is "beyond the veil," not "beneath the veil." "Beneath the veil," as far as I can tell, isn't a commonly recurring phrase. Plus, it's not like saying that there's going to be a death in this chapter is anything mind blowing, nor does it help us narrow down who would die.

So, let's take a step back. "Beneath the veil" implies that somebody is hiding something, because there's a piece of fabric concealing their face, and therefore their true intentions. However, it's not necessarily a super successful concealment, because (according to a quick google search) most veils are transparent. The character(s) this title refers to may only be partially concealing their hypocrisy from the group, as opposed to being fully undercover. Notably, veils are often (in Western culture, at least) associated with weddings. The choice of the word "veil" could implicate our local Matchmaker as the beholder of the hypocrisy.

Speaking of hypocrisy, I think that's the key word in this title that can help us pin down the central characters and themes of this chapter. As defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, hypocrisy is "a feigning to be what one is not or believe what one does not, especially the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion." In simpler terms, it's lying about or double-crossing something that you believe in to make it look like you have the moral high ground.

Therefore, in order for a character to fit the themes of this chapter, they have to have something they're actually hypocritical about. Take Ulysses, for example. In what way is he pretending to be better than the others around him? What core beliefs has the game shown us that he has that could be weaponized against others? I don't yet see anything compelling, and therefore, he might not be super important to this chapter.

Combining the title with the way the prologue ended, I definitely think that this first chapter is going to be about Damon's point of view being proven correct. Meanwhile, the rest of the students will secretly struggle with morality and their desire to kill while pretending that everything's cool. You know, like how most killing games start! (Other than the protag being such a downer.) It'll be interesting to presumably witness this typical group dynamic from the perspective of an outsider. Being someone who's used to tearing others' arguments apart, I wonder if Damon could be better than the average person at finding the hidden meanings and opinions behind others' words. I just think it'd be super funny if he were listening in on a breakfast conversation and it was just like--

Ingrid: Keep your chins up, everybody! If we can keep our heads on straight and trust in one another, I'm sure we'll start figurin' out how to get out of here! Damon: ("We'll start," implying that no progress has been made thus far. Combined with that if clause, Ingrid's frustrations that no one is thinking clearly and she's found no one to trust become obvious.) Eloise: Right...! It's like my dad always said: "in union, there is strength." I'm sure he'd be happy to hear that all of us are on the same page. I wish I could tell him... Damon: (Sounds like someone has been obsessing over the thought of going home.) Wolfgang: There's no need to worry, Eloise. I won't let any of the despicable killers in this academy keep us from our families. You can count on me. Damon: (Jesus Christ.)

Anyways, victims and culprits! I'll be discussing the top 5 most likely students that I can see filling each role.

The Killers

As much as I'd like to talk about the culprits second for the sake of drama, it'll be a lot easier for me to talk about potential blackeneds first. I think I've said this somewhere on this blog before, but who a victim is really depends on who the killer is. After all, the victim was only targeted because of the killer's rationale. A victim can be random, but a killer is pretty much never random. So, who could be filling our first blackened spot?

#5: Diana

Despite her placement as #5-- AKA, above 11 other students that I won't be talking about in a role as the killer at all-- I actually don't really like putting Diana here. To me, her fears and hopes for the future read as genuine. And, while a character who starts off fully sipping the hope Kool Aid can obviously come to murder in the end, for Diana, I don't think it would happen so fast. If she isn't secretly evil, I think it would take at least one murder to make her crack under pressure.

However, I can't argue that Diana has a compelling argument for the title of hypocrite. Simply put, she's the character in the prologue who seems most invested in everyone working together and being friends, without any personal power-seeking agendas. Therefore, if the veil in question is that of promoting friendship, Diana would be the most extreme example to use to prove the point that friendship in Eden's Garden Academy (at this point in time) is a fruitless endeavor.

#4: Wenona

After discussing my reasons for suspecting Diana, Wenona might come as a surprise. Does she really fit the theme? Out of all of the characters who could be hiding behind a guise of teamwork and being a good person, is she really the best fit?

Well, while I think it's likely that the main crux of the hypocrisy this chapter will be about remaining unified and trusting one another, that theme can always be interpreted in multiple ways at once. We could have characters who are hypocritically pretending to be nice while harboring ill intentions, and characters who are hypocritically pretending to be meaner than they are looking down on the nice folks while secretly being soft inside.

That's more of what I'm getting at with Wenona. If she were the blackened, I think the hypocrisy would be "pretending to be strong and better than other people while actually being just as weak as the rest of them." As the Ultimate Entrepreneur, Wenona seems to take a lot of pride in herself and her skills. She has the same sort of snobbish demeanor that Damon has when it comes to assessing the less academic of the talents recruited to Eden's Garden Academy.

Wenona is a cutthroat genius when it comes to social politics and financial practices. Even if this killing game wasn't in her initial plans, she'll obviously be able to crush it. She isn't trapped in here with Tozu; Tozu is trapped in here with her. That's what she wants everyone to think.

But, if she does become the blackened... how much of that attitude is really real? I'm imagining a scenario in which Wenona's reason for killing is less "fuck this shit I'm out" and more genuine fear for losing her life at the hands of the killing game and/or never returning to her regular life. When asked why she killed the victim, she tries to fake ruthlessness, but in the face of her execution, the clear truth is that she was just afraid of dying. Thus, Wenona would spend the majority of the daily life hypocritically sneering at the "weaker" students like Toshiko or Diana for not being tough enough to cut it in the killing game, before ultimately proving herself as the weakest link in the end.

#3: Eva

From the Prologue alone, we can already tell that Eva is a character who easily has strong enough opinions to potentially become a hypocrite. But, wait-- wouldn't her killing someone actually line up perfectly with the argument she made?

How is that hypocrisy?

Well, although Eva is certainly of the opinion that someone will kill, she acts as if she's above it herself. If it's been a while since you've seen the Prologue, that could be easy to forget. However, after she makes her initial statement that someone here will kill because they have too much to lose, she starts talking about how pretending that everything is fine will only make people more vulnerable to being killed. She directly accuses Wolfgang of doing this purposefully in order to better his own chances of succeeding as a blackened.

Most of her statements use the pronoun "you," which, whether referring to anyone in the group or Wolfgang specifically, does not include Eva herself. You, Wolfgang, are making a mistake that will lead others towards their deaths, murders that will happen by your guys' hands. Me, though...? (I'm tight as fuck!!!)

After criticizing Wolfgang so harshly, Eva would be the biggest hypocrite if she was actually the one to be the first killer. Even though Eva was doing the other students a favor by telling them the harsh truth, she did so in a way that put herself above them. She's let everyone know that she's smarter than them for immediately seeing straight through the killing game, and for not falling for Wolfgang's obvious manipulation tactics. If the rest of the students then learned that Eva played directly into the killing game's hands by becoming its first killer, I think they'd have every right to call her a hypocrite.

As for Eva and Damon, I think that making Eva the first killer could be really interesting for Damon's character. That's because, whether he'd admit to it or not, I think that Damon does align with Eva more than anyone else at this point. They were working together to promote the idea that pretending that nothing is wrong is dumb at best and harmful at worst. Damon doesn't seem like the type of protagonist who would be super vehemently against the idea of killing another student himself.

Thus, if Eva did become a killer, it would give him a startling window into what he would look like if he had decided to forsake this academy and kill. Every assertion he's internally made suddenly sounds flaky and desperate when coming out of the mouth of someone on death row. And, now that he's been betrayed by Eva too, why do some of the counterarguments the other students are making against Eva's claims sound more and more legitimate...? I think Eva's death as a killer could be the perfect wake-up call to Damon that his cold and calculating demeanor might not be as perfect of a plan as he acts like it is now.

However, much like Diana, I do think that Eva's reactions are genuine-- in this case, genuinely coming from a place of wanting to save the other students as opposed to wanting them all dead. Even if it would be compelling if Eva turned out to be some massive hypocrite, that doesn't mean that the setup for that being the case is actually there. We've seen so little of all of the characters so far that it's hard to provide textual evidence as to why I think this is the case, so unfortunately we'll just have to rely on my gut feeling. Every day I have to remind myself that it's okay to say "it's just my opinion" in the Just My Opinion essays. Sigh.

#2: Wolfgang

I feel like (as compared to something like DRDT) I have so little of a finger on the pulse of the P:EG community in terms of knowing what's popular opinion and what's not. Is Wolfgang's placement here a surprising take? Are people surprised to see that I have Wolfgang listed as a potential early killer as opposed to a final boss antag/survivor? Are people surprised that he's not #1???

Anyways. Hypocrisy. Wolfgang. It's so obvious that I feel like I don't even need to say it. I mean, I already did say it in this very post. Eva has already called Wolfgang out for hypocritically claiming to protect everyone while actually increasing the odds that someone could be taken advantage of. Wolfgang claims to be a defender of the people, but as soon as he hits the Trial Grounds, he seems to fixate on proving his viewpoint correct over all else. In the Chapter 1 demo (really mild spoilers for that, I guess), the literal last thing we leave off on is Damon calling out Wolfgang for being a hypocrite when it comes to investigating the school. Wolfgang Akire, Ultimate Laywer? Nah, I only know Wolfgang Akire, Ultimate Hypocrite.

Going back to my analysis of how early deaths work (here's the link again if you didn't read/refresh on it before but want to now), if P:EG is a project that wants to make their early deaths out of characters that are really visible, then Wolfgang is perhaps the best choice for that. The only other possible rivals he has in that regard are Damon or Eva.

Given how visible Wolfgang has been, it feels inevitable that this chapter will revolve around his hypocrisy somehow. The question is whether that would result in him dying or not. And, part of that question for me returns to what I mentioned at the beginning: how much does the fandom expect that it would result in him dying?

Make no mistake, this isn't an effort to people please by going along with what most people believe to be true. It's an effort to deduce which option would read as a more surprising and satisfying answer to a mystery posed in this mystery series. If the fandom is really caught up on the idea that "Wolfgang is P:EG's Byakuya/Nagito/Kokichi antag character, and that character MUST make it to the end after opposing the protagonist all the way through!!!", then it would work as a successful subversion to have that character die early, and leave the audience questioning who will come to fill the void in the story that Wolfgang left behind. However, if the audience has already broken free of those expectations and see Wolfgang as someone whose biases and neuroses could easily lead to him snapping early, then actually making him the first killer could turn out kinda boring.

I think I'm of the latter opinion at this point, although I could obviously just be biased in thinking that others share my opinions because my opinions are the main ones I've heard. Even if Wolfgang is a really obvious fandom's favorite edgy antag archetype, I can't deny that there's a lot of really good thematic setup in the Debater vs Lawyer department that I feel like the writers will want to reap the payoff from. It would be a shame to let whatever twisted worldview Wolfgang is cooking on "go to waste" by having him exit the story so early. But, I'm also always a fan of riffing wildly and unexpectedly off of the preconceptions of a killing game that Danganronpa fans have built up in their minds, so I would neither be too surprised nor mind at all if the writers did wind up letting Wolfgang flame out early, as long as they have a plan for what happens next prepared.

#1: Jean

Despite what I was just complaining about in Wolfgang's section, I'm almost certain that this will come as a surprise to people. Does that make me a hypocrite, too? Yay, how thematic!

Jean does not seem like the typical first killer. He's way too silly and entrenched in his theming. He's an oddball character! Accirax, weren't you literally the one who said that oddball characters don't die in Chapter 1?!

Oddballs tend not to die in Chapters 1 or 2. This is because oddball characters are generally created to supply a very niche kind of comedic relief[...] Any character deemed worthy of being included in a fangan occupies one of 16 highly contested slots. So, if you include a character for the purpose of making jokes with them, you'll want to get your bang for your buck! It’s hard to fit every joke you have in mind into only a chapter or two. The best example I could come up with for a (canon) oddball who dies early is Teruteru. In his case, the writers likely anticipated that his hyper-flirtatious nature would get tiring if it continued on for too long, and thus, exhausted all of the jokes they wanted to make in Chapter 1 before his exit. An oddball who dies this early has a limited shelf life, and is likely accompanied by other oddballs who can pick up the comedic slack.

Why, I sure did! Thank you for remembering that one niche argument in a really long post about a completely different series, imaginary person. However, that logic is why I initially wasn't suspicious of Jean either. With a bit of investigation, however, I've landed on him as my most likely choice.

Let's start with the hypocrisy. Although not necessarily the loudest voice on the subject, Jean, too, is someone who has strongly advocated for unity and friendship in the face of the killing game. It was easy for me at least to forget, but he has a bit of a leadership position in the Prologue, a bit behind Wolfgang. Even Damon can surprisingly attest to the command he can wield when he needs to.

It makes sense that, as a Ship Captain, he's all about getting people to work together under his leadership to accomplish amazing feats. Therefore, while not as obvious about it as Diana or Wolfgang, Jean would also be someone who could only commit a murder hypocritically.

Like, you can't just say this and then selfishly try to win the Class Trial to protect your own life. Well, not without speaking from beneath the veil of hypocrisy, anyways.

However, as I just admitted three sentences ago, the argument for Jean fitting the hypocrisy theme is weaker than someone like Diana or Wolfgang. So, what chose me to pick him over those two, or someone else at a similar level? Well, for that, we'll have to go over my...

Project: Eden's Garden Chapter 1 Murder Theory

HA HA! You thought we were merely conducting narrative analysis, but we're taking a look at evidence as well! It is a bold choice to try to predict who the blackened will be based on the murder committed when said murder hasn't even been committed yet, I'm aware. However, it's the choice of location that made me lean towards Jean. And, while it's no guarantee...

... I find it really likely that this will be the site of the murder. It screams murder location to me. Why the hell is there all this water on the floor if it won't be relevant in some way somewhere down the line? It's also locked in as the first area that you investigate closely. This doesn't have to mean that a murder will happen here, obviously-- none of Makoto's classroom, Hajime's beach, or Kaede's classroom become murder locations-- but it still does mean that this location will leave a lasting impact on your mind. The first time you ever get to wield the controls in this fangame is to investigate this room. And investigate it, we did.

I feel like locations that become murder relevant are often investigated in a much more specific way than ones that aren't, especially in cases where aspects of the room are critical to solving the mystery. This often includes them having CGs and/or cutscenes to illustrate the location's functions at work, and potentially be art used for a truth bullet in the future. Off the top of my head, I can remember a couple of times this happened in v3.

To use a fangan example, it also happened at least once in SDRA2.

(translation by Johnny Youngster)

The P:EG basement area was investigated to hell and back during Eva and Damon's first introductions. Like, can't you imagine this being truth bullet art?

Anyways, down in this basement that no innocent student has any good reason to visit, there's a conspicuous vent we've investigated in detail that looks over the Dining Hall, which several students are inclined to visit at various points in the day.

It has gaps in it that are wide enough to see through, and perhaps wide enough to use a weapon through. Even beyond something like a poisoned spear or the like, if you could shoot a gun through these slits, it could be enough to take someone out. Damon has very conveniently already removed one of the grates in the way, which will make it easier for the killer to do their malicious deed, and perhaps even make it easier for them to figure out that they could remove the other vent as well.

Now, it is true that Damon and Eva had to work together in order to reach this vent, which could make it difficult for the killer to utilize. However, it's obviously not impossible. If the killer were tall-- say, six feet tall, an entire half foot taller than Eva-- then it's possible they could access it on their own anyways, especially if they possessed any sort of climbing ability. The killer could also have an accomplice with which to create the same sort of setup Damon and Eva made (although, to Jean's credit, if this were the case, he'd probably be the one on the bottom -> not the one holding the weapon -> not the actual blackened). Or, they could use the cardboard boxes and duct tape that have conveniently already been identified in this room to make some stairs.

Although, that raises a problem, doesn't it? The entire floor of this room is covered in water.

A cardboard box would likely have structural issues if you put it in the water and then tried to stand on it. Maybe it could work if you put several cardboard boxes inside of each other...? Or if you just quickly used them as steps to hop up before fully leaning your weight on the generator. Regardless, we have other problems. Even if Eva has proven that the water won't electrocute you if you step in it, it's still an issue. If you step in the water with your shoes on and then try to quickly flee the scene, you'd leave wet footprints and damning damp ankle evidence behind. You could take your shoes off and roll up your pants like Damon does, but that could cost you precious time.

If only there were someone out there who was already wearing waterproof shoes...

... and maybe even a cloth or sash of some sort to wipe them off with before leaving the room.

Even Jean's character conception makes sense to me from this perspective. For your first chapter, you need a character who can be a kind and friendly leader type whose betrayal will rattle the more friendship-inclined of the group, and you need them to wear waterproof shoes. Leader plus waterproof shoes... well, that could be a ship's captain, couldn't it?

In this case, Jean's oddball nature is actually a boon to him in pretty much all manners. Despite relying so much on the gimmick of "I'm not a pirate!", Jean does seem to have a serious side to him. That duality gives him some clearly articulated character depth, even if it may not be explored much in the main plot. The striking nautical gimmick makes it harder for him to fade into the newly introduced crowd. He's quickly recognizable at a glance, making it easier for the casual viewer to remember him in the long gulf between chapters.

Speaking of being memorable, Jean is placed right in front of the tree when the characters in the Tree of Knowledge room are introduced.

He also stands there before the 0th Class Trial.

(Using this screenshot even though it's blurry just to show that these are different points in time.)

It's not as memorable of a spot as Eva, Grace, Wolfgang, or Toshiko (who go around and introduce themselves with Damon and thus get top billing), or even as Eloise and Desmond (who at least get their own room), but it's still notable. Between my own playthrough and others', I've seen people go around the circle with Ingrid first or Ulysses first, but everyone always talks to Jean right after they enter the room. The dark trunk is a great contrast against Jean's bright orange design, so he's really striking standing against the door. When I think of this room, I know exactly where Jean is, while the others are... somewhere back there. If I'm right, it's a subtle way to make sure that all players have at least some connection to Jean before he dies, and possibly even to make the first post-Trial gathering feel a little emptier with that super-highlighted spot empty.

I do want to touch on the narrative again, though, because that's more important than the murder plan that may or may not just be my own invention. I maintain that, right now, Diana or Wolfgang make more sense as someone who would illustrate the hypocrisy of pretending to be friends while actually murdering for their own purposes. However, depending on how Chapter 1 plays out, I think that Jean could be just as good as them, if not better. There's been some foreshadowing that Jean might take on a leaderly role in the group, but at the moment, it's been pretty focused on Wolfgang alone. However, if Jean starts to take on any sort of leadership position, even if it's mostly in the background or as the heart to Wolfgang's brains, I think he could work just as well as Wolfgang.

So, that's my prediction for now! The most likely blackened is Jean, with Wolfgang and Eva as backups, and Wenona and Diana as backups after them. But, in the case of any of them being the killer, who would they kill? Obviously, the answer may differ slightly depending on which of them (or someone else) it is, but I'll try to come up with a good aggregate answer.

The Victims

While my victim ideas will still be roughly ranked in order of likelihood, know that there's a lot less difference between #1 and #5 here than on the killers list. And, along that line of thinking, I'm a lot less confident in these predictions than in the killers', in the sense that I would be less surprised if the victim was none of the five characters discussed below than I would be for the killer. But, at any rate: the five most likely victims.

#5: Kai

I could definitely see some personal bias coming in to me placing Kai here. Not because I dislike Kai-- actually, he was quite possibly my favorite character coming out of the Prologue. I love a funny pathetic drama queen. I just remember, after first playing that Prologue, having the fear that Kai would turn out to be the first killer, thus eliminating my so-far favorite from the game. Obviously I've since removed him from my likely killers' catalogue, but I still can't shake the feeling that he could be an early death.

Kai is an easily recognizable and memorable character. You know who he is near-instantaneously-- take one look at him and you're already saying, "oh god, the influencer." He's really talkative, already having taken up a lot of screen time in his "arc" of being terrified by the body to being too lazy to participate in the Trial to eventually blabbering his way through it anyways. He also already has a defined dynamic with Damon. Even if I can't necessarily say that Damon would be sad to see Kai gone at this point (sorry Kaimon shippers), he'd have to have some sort of personal reaction to it. I could see him eventually recognizing something along the lines of, "it's weird to not have Kai around bothering me anymore."

It's no surprise that Kai is a popular character in the fandom, because he has all the traits to take on a role like that. However, that sort of characterization is a double edged sword. When considering the killing game as a whole, it's hard to come up with a first victim who will still be remembered and celebrated by the end of the entire saga (assuming that's what you're going for). However, despite not being a super critical character to the story*, I could see Kai continue to be featured in fanart and included in fanfiction due to his humor and pretty boy appeal long after his demise.

(*I'm not saying that Kai couldn't be a super relevant character if he survives Chapter 1, I'm just saying that, if he is the Chapter 1 victim, I don't think it would be in a Mukuro/Twogami/Rantaro Early Mystery kind of way.)

Kai is definitely one of those characters that I see in a crux position, where they're either going to be a super early game character or a super late game character. And, to be honest, despite what I've said here and what I believed after playing the Prologue, I actually now think Kai might have the legs to go long game. Although he could just be a bit of a cowardly funny guy who can't handle the circumstances and instantly drops dead (sort of like what was originally planned for Hiro in THH), Kai does seem to have a lot of... issues. While I originally thought those might just play out in his FTEs-- which is still theoretically possible-- I think the story might take more time to dive into them. There's also a clear arc before him of initially not rising to the killing game's challenge, but eventually being forced to take things seriously and give it his all.

There're also the comments that Grace made in Kai's introduction about him a dictator. From what we've seen of Kai so far, that label seems really hard to believe. If his character ever needs to rise to that dictator status, he'll probably need more time to do it.

I'm also applying some... meta knowledge here. I'm pretty sure I remember from watching some of the San Japan interviews that Kai is at least one of the writers' favorite characters, which is a bold take if he does die literally first. Also, I just learned from trying to look up what Kai and Damon's ship name is that apparently three of the staff artists ship Kaimon. Could that indicate that Kai and Damon might survive together...? I could definitely just be looking into things too much with both of these, but it's hard for me to not consider all the evidence at hand.

Anyways. Kai could really easily be taken out first, or he could have a major role to play yet. In either case, I'm sure this speculation will be fun to look back at in the future.

#4: Toshiko

Hey, maybe I can make that wedding veil thing have meaning after all.

Part of what I was considering when coming up with my list of potential victims is what sort of rationale the killer would have when choosing who to kill. Obviously, with the method I described in Jean's section, it's possible the criteria would be "whoever walks into the Dining Hall alone first," which is essentially random. However, that doesn't give me much to work with, so I tried to assume something more specific than that. However, I also didn't want to make it too specific-- like Peko targeting Mahiru in SDR2 Ch2 due to a prior conflict-- because that forces me to pin down my killer too hard, and might rely on information I simply don't have.

Instead, we're looking for a broad category, like "Sayaka wanted a manipulable man." Honestly, the "I want to kill but I don't have a specific image in mind of who" apparently doesn't happen too much in canon, but I think it's a really useful one to consider. Would the killer want to target an unpopular person so that anyone could have a motive to kill? Would the killer want to target the smartest person around so that they'll have fewer hurdles to deal with in the Class Trial? Would the killer take out the weakest and most vulnerable target because that's all they could manage, or even because they want people to believe that's all they could manage?

To go along with the hypocrisy theme, I think that the killer taking out an easy target for simplicity's sake is a very plausible option. Especially if the killer is a strong person like Jean, there's that added injustice of, "dude, you couldn't even pick on someone your own size?"

If that is the case, Toshiko is an obvious choice for someone who's small and easy to beat in a fight. (Kai follows these guidelines too, to an extent.) Other than her small size potentially making her harder to hit, I could imagine anyone being able to overpower her with relative ease. This part is more of a shot in the dark, as we haven't seen any daily life play out yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if Toshiko's notably younger age leaves her with few friends around the school. Thus, she might more often be found alone, making her easier to ambush and giving the killer more time before somebody realizes something is wrong.

Toshiko is also in the group of Eva, Grace, Wolfgang, and herself who got additional focus via conducting introductions with Damon in the Prologue. Including the first victim within that group would be a great way to give their character with the least screen time a bit more before they die off.

However, I also have my doubts that this will happen. It's just... such a bold move to kill the literal child as you're drawing first blood. Like, obviously I picked it for the hypocrisy-themed chapter because that kind of thing would make you look like a monster, but, would anybody really bite?

I also just kinda get the vibes that Toshiko is set up to be more than the first victim. While uniquely making her a child could be intentional, if the first killer is meant to look extra heartless, I don't understand where the Ultimate Matchmaker talent would have come from in that case. I guess she could matchmake or otherwise psychoanalyze people in the Chapter 1 daily life before she dies...? Maybe the killer could be worried about her figuring out how they're feeling and want to silence her. Actually, okay, that's convincing enough.

Picking Toshiko goes against my gut instincts of where Eden's Garden is headed, but I can't deny that there are sensible arguments behind Toshiko dying first as well. Or, maybe I'm just delusional. I'll leave that up to y'all's judgment at this point.

#3: Diana

Uh, kind of the same things that I just said about Toshiko, as well as my arguments for Diana being the killer. Diana also appears to be pretty weak, so it wouldn't be too hard for others to overpower and kill her. I also didn't forget that she too is a child, although she appears much more mature than Toshiko due to 1) being a high school senior as opposed to a high school freshman and 2) having an industry job rather than however Toshiko's business functions. You could still use the argument of "why would you kill someone who still has so much life left to live," although it might feel a little awkward when characters like Mark are only one year older than Diana and Toshiko is (presumably) still standing right there.

Really, though, the main reason why Diana ranks this high is because she's so darn nice. Even if people might see her as a little ditzy, I still feel that she'd have the most unilaterally "why did you choose to kill such a sweet person" response across the board. Depending on who the killer is, that choice could be hypocritical. If it's someone like Jean or Wolfgang who had been trying to convince everyone to work together and shaming those who didn't conform, eliminating someone who was happily following along with your plan could be considered hypocritical.

However, I still think that Diana is more primed to have a surprisingly deep run than a surprisingly short one. If Diana died first, then her character is "nice girl," and that's it. What about all of that weird mastermind coding?! My new theory is actually that Diana will be killed at some point because people think she's the mastermind, even though she's actually innocent. (That, or The_Humbugg is right and Diana has autism, and the mastermind coding is a galaxy brain method to ensure that viewers are wary of her for reasons that are entirely not her fault, much like how neurotypical people might instinctively find autistic people unsettling/shifty even when they aren't trying to be. I love The_Humbugg's video everyone should watch that.)

I was actually at first worried for her in Chapter 1 for that reason, until I remembered that (currently, at least) the students haven't been told that there's a mastermind among them. (Assuming there even canonically is, I might add.) Obviously, they could learn about that in Chapter 1, but at that point, just put it in the Prologue. Then the fandom could be sure in the long hiatus that speculating about a mastermind had a point, and potentially start thinking about how a killer could react to that information.

Still, Diana's extreme friendship stances make it easy for me to fit her into the hypocrisy theme in either the killer or victim position. But, if she can use her chameleon skills to fade into the background for just one chapter, I think she might have a long life ahead of her.

#2: Wolfgang

Anybody think this dude is just... flying too close to the sun?

Perhaps this placement is a remnant of the past: when my sister and I were first playing through the Prologue, we totally thought that Wolfgang gave off first victim energy. Except, funnily enough, we thought it was because he was kind of a bland, friendly character who clearly didn't have much going for him, if he was burning one of his voice lines on "Miss Madison!". We were fully taken aback when he popped off in the Prologue trial, and agreed that he wouldn't be a first victim for those reasons anymore. However, he could still die first for other reasons.

Other than Damon, it's hard to argue that any character gets more of a spotlight in the Prologue than Wolfgang. Hell, he might even beat Damon in that regard. It may just be the fandom's penchant for fawning over pale, skinny, antagonistic men, but Wolfgang certainly felt like the most after-the-fact-discussed character to me. However, it's possible that Wolfgang is being set up as a huge figure in the Prologue and Chapter 1 daily life because that's all the time he has to shine. It's possible the Prologue trial was conceptualized under the rationale that the Ultimate Lawyer should have to attend at least one Trial.

While Wolfgang isn't necessarily easy to overpower, it's easy to see how any killer would want to off him so that they don't have to face him in the Class Trial. Even if Damon did a considerable amount of heavy lifting, the majority of the Class sees it as Wolfgang's skills that got them through the Class Trial. He certainly displayed how ruthless he was willing to become against those who spat in the face of what he called justice. If I were becoming the blackened, I'd be worried about facing off against him in the Class Trial. One easy way to prevent that from happening is to cancel his attendance.

Also, while I said I didn't want to get too into the details of any killers in particular, should Jean be the blackened, things could get extra spicy. If I'm right that Jean and Wolfgang could come to lead the group together, then killing your co-leader because you're afraid he could properly bring you to justice is just extra salt in the wound.

But, now it's time for the counterarguments, naturally. Everything I said about the lost potential of having Wolfgang cap out at first killer is probably even more true if he's the first victim. The whole "lawyer versus bargain bin" thing would only actually be applicable to one Trial, even if the memory of Wolfgang's Trial prowess would probably hang over Damon's head for a while. More decisively, if the game is going for an ethos/logos/pathos thing, I have a hard time seeing who would fill the ethos shoes quite as well as Wolfgang did. I guess Damon could eventually step into that role, coming to embody all three...? However, it might be a little early to set that arc in motion.

Again, maybe it's just an inability to shake my initial assumptions, but I still have the vibe ingrained in my mind that Wolfgang will be a shockingly early death. Well, shocking to some people. Not me or Venus, though. But, I won't be shocked if he lives, either. Wolfgang will be a narratively important character, we just need to see how exactly he'll go about it.

#1: Eva

Wow, Eva gets to be the third character included who introduced themselves alongside Damon and the third repeat character from the killer's list! Unfortunately, it seems like I'm not predicting that she's going to make it even as far as the third death in this killing game. Tell me that statement's a lie...!

I think I'll actually start out with some of the counterarguments this time, because they relate to things I've said about other characters. Like Diana, I did initially call Eva to mind because I thought people would think she's suspicious, and perhaps kill her under the assumption that she's the mastermind. However, that's once again probably not going to be the case, because the students don't currently know whether there's a mastermind among them or not. Also, going back to the ethos/logos/pathos thing, I think there's a pretty decent chance that Wolfgang will be ethos, Damon will be pathos, and Eva will serve as logos. There are... probably better options for a replacement logos (including Damon just double wielding with truth and pathos bullets) than a replacement ethos, but Eva is probably still be the best fit. Given that no one trusts her (ethos) and everyone thinks an emotional argument would be a lie (pathos), all she has to convince people is the cold hard facts (logos).

Also, you can't ignore that Damon, Wolfgang, and Eva could just be a really obvious protag/antag/support trio that will all make it to Chapter 5 or whatever. I'm hoping for something a little less vanilla than that, but, hey, that's just me. It's their game and they can do whatever they want.

However... The_Humbugg comes in clutch once again! I won't fully reiterate all of their points, but basically, they bring up a lot of solid arguments about how Eva might have additional information about the prior killing game in which Cara died. Even beyond the possibility that Tozu might stack the killing game in a way that could subtly target Eva, unlike Kai, she does feel like she's being written as the Early Mystery. Also, if she's the one bringing up information about the prior killing games, it's possible another student could "connect the dots" themselves and assume she's somehow behind this one.

Beyond those more far-reaching speculative points though, I do also think that Eva being a victim would fit with the themes of hypocrisy. Specifically, the veil part. Given that the killer is (probably) "beneath the veil of hypocrisy," they aren't just hypocritical, but they're hidden beneath their hypocrisy. They might not even know that that veil is there. So, essentially, killing Eva-- the one who's been directly calling people out for their poor assumptions-- would be the killer succumbing to vice and doing anything to shut up the nagging voice that's accusing them of wrongdoing. They can't come out from under the veil of hypocrisy and confront it face-to-face, so they wind up only furthering their hypocrisy in an attempt to hide from it.

Eva is also in the top three most highlighted characters of the Prologue, between introducing herself alongside Damon (bonus points for meeting Damon first and in special circumstances) and her little speech at the end of the Class Trial. Even more than Wolfgang, to me, her heightened involvement in the Prologue feels like an inclusion to get her more content before an early death, rather than setting up a major character with other relationships and plot threads down the road. That's just my gut instinct, though.

Final Thoughts

And with that, Eva's section is over. I do want to make quick mention of Cassidy, though, because I know a lot of people think that she'll be the first victim. I think it's because of where and how much she's appeared in promotional material...? To be honest, I don't really see it, but I probably would have listed her sixth for lack of other ideas. She is another character whose jokes made her very memorable after only one chapter, and I could see her getting on someone's nerves enough for them to choose to strike back against her. Again, won't be super surprised if it is her-- because, to reiterate, I don't have incredibly strong feelings about who the victim will be-- but I didn't have much of my own to add for Cassidy speculation.

Well, you askers have done it again (/pos). You got me to ramble for way too long about Fangan Possibilities. It's fine; I think that geeking out over various fangan theory essays is important for my account and my personal ecosystem. Perhaps next time, I'll have a bit more evidence to look over if the first chapter is out by then. Or, maybe I'll have a thought of my own after rewatching/replaying the prologue again, or somebody will send me another ask that I take WAY too long to respond to.

Thank you again for the ask and your patience, @thefandomenchantress! I hope you and everyone else enjoyed. Until next time!