duskvsdawn

[duskvsdawn]

Despite everything, it's still you

You had been through so much that you were convinced you weren't deserving of love. Even if your boyfriend showered you in love and support over and over, the thoughts were still there. So you ended it. You decided that being alone was better, but he wouldn't let you.

Contains: female reader, angst, comfort/fluff, smut, lots and lots of loving nicknames for you and he will not fucking let go of you ever, marathon sex because you missed each other so much.

Art credits. <3

≫ A/N: So, at the start, we dive right in. The first part hits so close to home that I actually cried as I was writing this. If you have had a troubled childhood, often your default mode is no self-esteem and the constant urge to keep people around you happy. I often struggle with so many negative thoughts, and not deserving love in any form is a frequent one, daily even. But I bet that even if Zeal can be a total freak, he would definitely be the gentlest of lovers and be able to make you feel more at ease.

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If you like my works, please like, comment and reblog! It is much appreciated 💚 And if you really enjoyed it, please follow me so you can be kept up to date on future uploads! Please do not re-upload, translate, or use for AI training.

"Reader, you can't possibly be serious about this, right? You're just breaking it off, just like that, after all we've been through? I love you more than anything else in the world. I will do everything I can to make you happy, you know that. Please tell me this is some sort of cruel joke..." Zeal said, close to tears and feeling incredibly hurt after what you just told him. "I'm sorry, I have to do this for your sake. I love you so much it hurts. But it hurts even more to be loved. It's unfamiliar and terrifying. And I'm sure it would be better if..." you said through tears, "it would be better if you were able to find someone who isn't as broken as me. Someone who doesn't carry as much mental baggage. I love you so, so much... I want the best for you..." you continued, the tears not stopping anytime soon. Zeal took a step forward to give you a hug, but you stepped back and turned around. "Please... Don't do this. Please don't make it any harder for me than it already is... Please... Just go," you whispered, covering your face with your hands.

Zeal's hand just kind of uncomfortably floated in the air for a bit, not sure what to do now. He didn't want to upset you more. Should he push a little further and shower you with affection to show you that you are deserving of love in hopes you would change your mind, or will that make you angrier and even more sad? Should he pack up his things and leave quietly? He really didn't know what to do, so his subconscious decided to do both things. He placed his hand on your shoulder for a little bit and then went upstairs to pack the essentials. He would be leaving a few things there, like a shirt that you always loved seeing on him, and a bottle of his cologne, in case you wanted him close somewhat even if he wasn't there. He didn't tell you about leaving these things upstairs, but you would find out soon enough. He walked back downstairs, hanging his head low and occasionally wiping some tears from his face. He put his bags next to the door and tried to approach you one final time.

"Darling... I truly do love you. I just wish you would believe me. I really don't want to leave, but if you feel it's the best, I will respect your wishes... I... I... I love you so much, and I will miss you even more..." your boyfriend whispered, taking a step closer once more to hug you from behind. You wanted to swat his arms away so badly. You wanted to yell at him to just fucking get out of there already, but you didn't. It all hurt so much. Seeing him so sad hurt you, feeling his love hurt you, and you absolutely despised yourself. But you were sure about this. You know you would be sick to your stomach and absolutely miserable without him, but you wanted the best for the bartender. In your own fucked up way, this felt like the only option to preserve the love between the two of you until he would inevitably grow tired of your mood swings and depressed thoughts, and actually leave you on his own accord. This would haunt you forever, but it truly felt like the best thing to do.

"I love you, too. And that's why I'm letting you go now. I wish you all the best and... And I hope you can be happy without me in your life," you said, uncontrollably sobbing now. You relished in his touch one final time, enjoying the feeling of his arms around you for a little longer until you gently pushed his arms away from you and stormed upstairs, slamming the door of your once shared bedroom to drop yourself on the bed as you cried your eyes out. Zeal could hear you crying even harder from here, and he weighed the options in his head once more about whether he should pursue his love for you, but he ultimately decided against it. Still wiping tears from his eyes, he took his bags and quietly left the house. Then, you noticed a familiar scent. He had left that shirt on the bed for you, sprayed with his favourite cologne. You cried even harder now, hugging it closely to your chest as you lay on the bed in a fetal position while it felt like your heart was being ripped straight out of your chest.

That was months ago now. You had hoped you would have been able to move on, but you simply couldn't. Not when your love for him was so strong. And it didn't help that he still sent you a text daily where he said how much he loved you. He really couldn't move on, either. He missed you so incredibly much that it hurt him to his very core. Oh, what he would do to see your face again and hold you in his arms as he would gently stroke your hair to tell you that everything is going to be alright. He had debated several times whether he should go over to your house and just tackle you to the ground with a hug and leave kisses all over your face, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was terrified that it would only upset you more, even if you knew you would love to have him shower you in affection. He knew you missed him, too, you had to, right? You always left him on read after he had texted you, and he often wondered if you actually really missed him. Have you been able to move on now? Did you find happiness on your own, perhaps? He hoped that would be the case.

But that couldn't be further from the truth. You were still weeping like a baby daily, missing your boyfriend so much. The house felt so empty without him there. You missed everything about him. Him casually humming some songs while he helped you cook, his gentle touches, his reassuring smile, the passionate nights you had together... You had sprayed his dress shirt with the cologne once more, and you held it close, relishing in the smell. It only tugged at your heartstrings more and made you cry even harder, but this way, you were able to somehow feel like he was close to you, just like he had planned when he left these things at your house. He knew you even better than you knew yourself, after all.

On one particular lonely night, Zeal decided enough was enough. He had to have you back. He didn't care if you would yell at him and call him the most vile of things. He didn't care if you would put up a fight and slap and kick the everliving shit out of him, leaving him black and blue. He missed you, and he would do all it took to convince you that you deserved the world and much more. He was debating taking his stuff back to your house and just leaving it there after he entered the home, but he thought that would be too much. He had bought that same exact shirt and cologne again, and so he decided to wear both before heading over to your home.

You were sitting on the couch, hugging a pillow close to your chest with your legs pulled up, missing him just as much. You heard the doorbell ring, and you were confused. You weren't expecting any visitors, after all, and especially not at this time. You slumped over to the door and looked through the peephole. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw him standing in front of your door, nervously fumbling with his hands, waiting for you to answer. Did the universe just decide to taunt you by putting the man in front of you that you missed so dearly? You weren't sure if you should open the door; you were afraid it would only hurt you more once you were able to touch him once more. But you decided it would have to be faith that he was here on this particular night. You took your chances and opened the door.

"Hey, darling..." Zeal awkwardly said as a blush was creeping upon his face. "Why are you here? What are you doing here? Are you trying to make me cry again? Are you going to just talk to me for a little bit and then leave again, hurting me even more? Do you want to taunt me? Do you want to just laugh at me because I am hurting so much, either with or without you? Are you-" you kept rambling on, but you couldn't finish your sentence. Within the span of a second, you suddenly felt his arms around you. Your thoughts were stopped in their tracks, and you just stood there awkwardly for a bit, but he didn't pull away. With some hesitation, you eventually wrapped your arms around him as well, burying your face into his neck. You could smell that familiar cologne, and the dam broke. You cried your eyes out as both of you just stood there on the doorstep, and you could feel some tears running down Zeal's face, too. After a little while, you pulled back and looked at him. His eyes seemed to glow a bit in the dark of the night, but still teary, and they instantly pulled you in. "Can I come in, please?" he asked you, and you couldn't possibly deny him, not when he was what you've been wanting all this time, even if you were convinced that being alone would be easier. So, you let him inside and both of you headed over to the living room to sit down on the couch.

"The reason I'm here is because the loneliness has become unbearable. I love you so much that it hurts, darling. I really can't live without you, even if I try to. I just simply can't. Being here again feels like home. Being with you feels like home. This is where I always wanted to be, and will continue wanting to be forever and ever. Please, just... Please reconsider. Give us another chance. I don't care if you will hit me, I don't care if you will curse at me. Despite everything, you are the only thing I want, and I simply can't leave until I have you in my life again." Zeal said quietly, wiping a few tears from his face every now and then. You could tell he was telling the truth. You could tell he meant every single word he said. Deep down, you knew he hadn't told a single lie. But even though you knew all these things, the traumatised child in you was still convinced that he was bullshitting you and simply telling you what you wanted to hear, even if that couldn't be further from the truth. You weren't sure what to say for a little bit, so you just looked at the hands in your lap. Zeal had subtly moved a little bit closer with each silent passing minute and eventually wrapped an arm around your shoulders. He gently pulled you closer against him, and you let him. After a little bit, you flung your arms around him while just sobbing his name.

"I missed you... I missed you so much... I love you so much... But it hurts so much. I want you to be happy, but I know you won't be with me in your life. Why are you sacrificing your happiness for me? Why?!" you finally managed to bring out between choked sobs, still not understanding why he would ever want to be here. Only a fucking moron would choose a life like this, after all. Only a fucking idiot like him would choose you over his own happiness. But, you see, that's the point. You are his happiness, even with all the ups and downs, even if you don't believe that to be true. "Because... Because I love you. Always," your boyfriend said as he wiped the tears from your face, shushing you and whispering his undying love for you in every way possible like a mantra. He just held you in his arms, letting your tears absolutely soak his shirt while gently rubbing your back and leaving some kisses on top of your head. Eventually, after some time, your tears dried up, and you felt empty inside. Zeal noticed you had gone quiet, but he kept hugging you; he could sense that was what you needed now. After a little bit longer, you looked at him, and the uncontrollable urge to kiss him suddenly arose as you looked into his beautiful eyes.

You smashed your lips onto his, and Zeal instantly reacted. Yep, still felt like a perfect fit even after all this time. His hands travelled lower, making you gasp, and he took this as an opportunity to sneakily snake his tongue into your mouth. You moaned when his tongue brushed against yours, your body reacting accordingly to all the attention it had been starved of for months now. It felt incredible to be intimate once more with the person you loved most in the world, and Zeal felt the exact same way. After a little bit, he pulled away for air. You stared into his beautiful tri-coloured irises, and you could swear they were subtly glowing once more, and you suddenly felt a familiar heat all over your body. His touches sent your body on absolute fire, butterflies were swarming in your stomach, and you felt the urge for more aching down there, the place your body apparently wanted him most. Zeal noticed by your half-lidded eyes and your breathing speeding up that there was something else you wanted, something that wasn't just kissing and hugging.

He gently pushed you back onto the couch as his hands kept wandering around your body. Eventually, they landed at the hem of your pyjama pants, and he looked at you questioningly. You shyly nodded and lifted your butt off the couch so he could slide the pants and your panties down. You turned your head away when you felt the cold air hitting your pussy, it seems you were wetter than you initially thought. You felt a single digit running up and down your folds as his other hand rubbed reassuring circles on your hip. "Eyes on me, princess," your boyfriend said, and you nodded once more. You tried to keep looking at him, but it was hard. You were embarrassed, and when he started eating you out like a man starved, you felt absolutely lost to pleasure. Your hands fisted his hair, trying to pull him ever closer, and Zeal knew that was a clear sign you were enjoying yourself. Even when you always tried your best to push him away because you were afraid of being hurt once more, deep down you always craved more of him, and that thought made him chuckle.

You could feel yourself getting closer and closer, that elastic in your lower stomach so close to snapping any moment now. You felt your orgasm crash over you like a freight train as you threw your head back and your vision sparked white as your body spasmed uncontrollably. Zeal crawled up to eye level with you as he left a kiss on your lips, letting you taste yourself. "How do you feel, darling?" he asked you, strained and husky. "Ffffffffffffffuck... Feel so good..." you whispered as you crashed your lips on his once more. "But... But I want you to feel good too..." you said as one of your hands travelled lower, brushing over his clothed erection. Zeal gasped; were you really okay with this? But when he saw you look at him with such pleading eyes, another deep chuckle left his throat.

He made you sit up to take your shirt off before he would strip himself because he wanted to feel as much skin against skin as possible. You seemed to understand the hint, because after he undressed himself, you wrapped your legs around him and pulled him as close as possible. Zeal kissed you passionately as he slowly pushed into you. You moaned into his mouth, clawing at his back when you felt him bottom out. He wasted no time slapping his hips against yours over and over, because holy fuck he could not deny that he missed this, too. You moaned his name in broken whimpers, enjoying the feeling of his body against yours again after so long. It didn't take either of you long to approach that delicious edge, and you had an inkling it would be one of many that night.

"Fuck, darling. You feel so good, fuck. I'm so close. Cum with me, sweetheart, please, cum with me..." your boyfriend groaned as one hand snaked between your bodies so he could rub your clit to give you the most mind-blowing orgasm ever. "I can't... Fuck... I can't hold it... I'm fff- I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" you moaned desperately, feeling such an intense orgasm was over you like you'd never known before. Was it because you had missed him and his body so much? Was it because you had gone so long without this kind of pleasure, and therefore a massive rush of endorphins hit you? You had no idea, but when you felt his warm, sticky seed paint your walls white, you knew you were in heaven.

You instantly had to beg him for more, your body signalling that it needed way more of him than just one round, and luckily for you, Zeal was feeling the same way. So there was a round 2, and 3, and 4, and uhhhh, how many exactly? You lost count halfway through, your mind going blank with pleasure, letting yourself relish in it. Zeal tried to keep his eyes glued to your face as much as possible, loving the expressions you made as you lost yourself in a sea of lust. Fatigue eventually started hitting both of you, though, but he wanted to push for one final orgasm. With the loudest moans either of you ever let out during sex, he ever so elegantly collapsed on top of you after he filled you up one final time.

"I am not going anywhere. Never again. I belong with you, and you belong with me. Together, hopefully someday, we can convince your trauma brain that you do deserve love," he eventually spoke up as both of you were basking in afterglow after you caught your breath. "I love you, babe. I always have, and I always will. And you can't convince me otherwise," he continued, leaving gentle kisses all over your face and neck. "I love you even more, Zeal. It feels great to have you by my side again. I missed you so much. You are absolutely perfect, and I consider myself lucky to have you in my life," you eventually answered, trying to hold back another flood of tears. "Good," Zeal replied, "because the only moment I am leaving is to pick up my stuff again and move it over here. After that, you're stuck with me forever," your boyfriend said, leaving a long, loving kiss on your lips.

[duskvsdawn]

I am so happy you enjoyed it UEUEUEUEU. It really felt so good to write and I hope lots of people will enjoy it just like you did. I love you so much, MUUUAAAHHH! 5 MILLION KISSES AND HUGS FOR YOU!

Let me in, please

Kaelix had been worried about you lately, since you hadn't been doing well after your accident. And to be honest, you really weren't doing well, indeed.

≫ A/N: So this is that fic based on his partial cover of "monitoring" that I was talking about. So... uh... enjoy, I guess, idk. I also based it on some theories regarding the song. I am quite happy with how it turned out. Writing it was an absolute joy. I hope you like it!

Contains: female reader, substance abuse, uh I guess angst as well somewhat?, there is quite a bit of fluff there too, smut, I am too lazy to think of the rest. It's just really interesting and it has smut, you know what you're signing up to at this point.

Art credits.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

If you like my works, please like, comment and reblog! It is much appreciated ❤ And if you really enjoyed it, please follow me so you can be kept up to date on future uploads! Please do not re-upload, translate, or use for AI training.

DING DONG

Your doorbell rang, but you were barely acknowledging it. Even if the doorbell was loud as fuck, in your current state, how could you? You took another swig of your whiskey and a puff from your joint afterwards.

DING DONG

You were sure you heard right this time, but you couldn't be bothered to go and check, so you stayed in your spot on the couch. The doorbell rang a few more times, and then you noticed your phone buzzing on the table. You had turned it to silent mode because you knew this was going to happen. Reluctantly, you picked up your phone and squinted your eyes when the bright screen greeted your face. 2 missed calls from Kaelix, and a few texts on top of it. Then, the doorbell rang again. You sighed and struggled to get up from the couch, due to the chronic, very aggressive back pain, and the alcohol and weed you had consumed that day. You should definitely take another painkiller soon; this was ridiculous. You shuffled over to the door and looked through the peephole. You were greeted by a restless Kaelix, hopping from one foot to the other, popping his hip and fumbling with his shirt and his phone.

Another sigh left your mouth as you opened the door only far enough to sort of hold a conversation; you didn't want him to see you this way. You knew he hated seeing you like this, under the constant influence of whatever you could get your hands on. Painkillers, benzos, alcohol, weed, just to name a few.

After your traffic accident about a year ago, where you were hit really hard by a car, your back pain and your anxiety about going outside were so severe that you decided to never go outside ever again. You had severe nerve damage and had already had a few surgeries up until now. Those were the few times you had actually seen Kaelix face-to-face without a door between the two of you. He would always be by your bedside, fetching you whatever you needed and gently squeezing your hand when he noticed you were stressed.

Groceries were delivered to your door, and so was all the other... "stuff". You would occasionally hold a conversation through the door, just like you would be doing now with Kaelix. He had been the only pillar in your life for years now, the only person who actually seemed to care about you enough to actually check in on you. And you were thankful for that, truly, but because you loved him so much (in both ways, you later found out, you had a suspicion he was feeling the same way), it hurt even more to push him away the way you were doing lately.

"Reader... Thank fuck you finally opened the door." He said as you peeked your head a little bit around the door, barely enough for him to see your eyes, illuminated by the lamp next to the door of your apartment. "I knew you wouldn't be leaving anytime soon if I hadn't gone to the front door otherwise," you replied, shrugging to appear as nonchalant as possible. But honestly, you were happy to see him. You missed him so much. "I am tempted to ask the obvious questions, but, Jesus, you look terrible. What have you been using today?" he asked as he tilted his head like an adorable puppy. He did that a lot, and you loved that about him. "Just the regular, really. Ordered some whisky for once instead of vodka, I had forgotten how good it tastes," you replied meekly, always embarrassed about answering such questions he asked you. But you couldn't lie to him about it. There we plenty of things you had already been keeping from him anyway.

The main secret being the delusions you often had. Like, really severe hallucinations due to all the drugs and alcohol you had in your system clashing with each other. Often, you would see bright colours, along with Kaelix's face, when you looked through the peephole, imagining the most lewd of conversations the two of you would be having. He would talk to you about how he would hear you having "fun" on your own in the bedroom, about how much he would want to mesh his body together with yours and get lost in a sea of pleasure together, imagining the most sexual kinds of things the two of you would do together when you were so strongly influenced by painkillers and other drugs in your system. Somehow, you always managed to hold a proper conversation when he was actually at your door when you were hallucinating, almost like a different part of your brain carried the conversation while the rest of it was over in lala land. You blamed these particular delusions on your massive, massive crush on Kaelix. God, you really wanted to do those things to him. But in the end, you'd always be alone in your bed, using toys and your own hands to get you off and finish with another drink and a cigarette afterwards.

You heard a worried echo of your name, until you were brought back to earth, and you realised that the sound was coming from in front of you. "Reader.... Reader, are you okay?" Kaelix asked you. You shook your head and lied, "Yeah, I'm fine, just lost in thought, is all." God, you were making such a fucking fool of yourself, and you mentally facepalmed yourself. "Your next surgery is next week, right? The one where they hope they can fix the pain?" your crush asked, and you just replied with a hum. "I really hope they can take your pain away. I hate how much it changed you. And I hope I will be able to reduce your anxiety about going outside, even if for a little bit..." Kaelix said with a slight blush appearing on his face as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah.... Yeah, that would be nice..." you replied, trying your best to not zone out again towards these intimate thoughts about the person in front of you. "Please, text me the exact date and time. I'll be there for you. You know I always will. I want to be there for you," he said as he wanted to reach out to touch your face, but you instantly pulled back. "Don't! Just... Don't..." you said, tears so close to spilling over. You wanted him to touch you so badly, but not now, not like this. Kaelix sighed as he said, "I will be expecting that text within an hour. If you don't, I'm coming back over here, got it?" You just meekly nodded once more and rounded off the conversation to close the door. You sent him a screenshot of your appointment date and time. That night, you pleasured yourself, thinking about Kaelix all the way through. He was just irresistible to you, and you needed him so bad. But after you finished, you fell asleep crying like you often did, hating what you had become so much.

The day of the surgery came, and Kaelix was driving you towards the hospital. Most of the road was smooth, but if you encountered a speed bump, you would wince in pain, and he would apologise. You were being prepped for surgery, and so, Kaelix would be patiently waiting in the waiting room once more. It seemed like an eternity had passed until someone approached him and told him the surgery went well, and he was allowed to see you now. He quietly approached the recovery room and sat down next to you, gently holding your hand while you were recovering from the anaesthetic. After some time, you blinked a few times and fully opened your eyes. For the surgery, you had to be sober, and he loved seeing you like this more than any other way. You threw him a weak smile and, with some effort, managed to lift up your hand to leave a gentle kiss on the back of his hand. Kaelix turned into a stuttering mess when you did that, and tried to leave you alone as much as possible because you seemed really tired, and he wanted you to rest up properly. That, and he was so flustered that he had no idea how to face you anymore.

You had to stay in the hospital for a few days to make sure you were recovering well, and Kaelix would be there as often as he was allowed to. As always, he would get you anything you needed. Getting you whatever food you craved (and were allowed to have), bringing you some soda, and even helping you towards the toilet if you needed it. He offered to help you shower, but the nurses didn't agree to that quite yet. They would be keeping a close eye on you to make sure your body is functioning properly. He would even sneak in a few times far after visiting hours were over. You meant the world to him, and he didn't want to leave you alone. He would whisper sweet nothings to you while you would be drifting off to sleep, and tell you about his day because he knew it calmed you down.

Your release day came, and you were packing up to leave. Kaelix then finally asked you the question he had been meaning to ask you for days. "Reader.... How is the pain?" your crush asked you, giving you a hopeful look. "You know," you replied, "it's barely noticeable now. I am really thankful to the surgeons who did this for me. I am totally bringing them a gift sometime soon." Kaelix was trying his back to hold back his tears; he couldn't believe he had seen you in barely any pain, and also sober, for days now. It was new to him, but he was not complaining. It was new to you, too, but you weren't complaining either. The drive home, you were still really tired, but when you weren't dozing off, both of you would crack some jokes about all the stupid shit you did and said while you were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It was somewhat confronting, but you felt like a new life was approaching you now, and it felt okay to joke about it.

In the following weeks, Kaelix would be coming over daily, and you actually allowed him in. He noticed you had stayed sober now that the back pain was much, much less than what it used to be. He would gently force you to go outside with him a few times to get you used to the outside world again. It would start with short walks around the block, allowing you to get some fresh air. But in due time, the walks would become longer and you'd occasionally ride your bikes to your favourite ice cream place to get some ice cream. You even got some groceries together! Both of you would be enjoying life more than you ever had before, and genuinely enjoying each other's company. In the weeks that followed, you did more enjoyable things to provide you with more positive experiences outside again, and you were grateful that he was with you all the way.

At some point, both of you were over at your place, having a few celebratory drinks to toast to the massive progress you've made in recent weeks. It felt so different from the usual drinking you would usually do when you were in such massive pain, and for once, it just felt like something to do for fun. When both of you were pretty tipsy, you finally admitted your biggest secret to him: the delusions you had been having while you were "medicated". Kaelix just listened to you in awe, not sure what to say for a little bit. When you finished your story, there was an awkward silence in the room. He eventually broke it when he said. "You know... I uh... I had been having such thoughts for some time too. Not under influence, obviously, but... Yeah, they were there," The bouncer said while he scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling a massive amount of shame to admit this to you. A shy giggle left your throat as you looked at your crush. At that moment, he just looked so adorable to you, and you decided that if it wasn't happening tonight, it was never happening at all. You took a deep breath and blurted out, "You know... We uh... We can go to the bedroom, if you want," while you were turning 50 shades of red. Kaelix was caught really off-guard, but considering how much he loved you, he quickly agreed.

While you entered your bedroom, you would share some sensual kisses while you stripped each other. He gently pushed you back onto your back onto the bed and whispered, "Please let me know if you're in any pain, okay?" and you meekly nodded. He asked you if you had any condoms, but you told him you were on the pill, which he already knew, actually, so it would be fine. Kaelix held you close as he slowly pushed into you, soon bottoming out.

Both of you moaned out loud, so happy to finally feel each other's bodies after dreaming about this so many times. You soon begged him to please start moving already, and he was happy to oblige. Both of you would be sharing orgasm after orgasm, getting more and more vocal with each passing round. You were overstimulating each other to hell and back, but it felt so incredible that neither of you was able to stop. After, uh, you lost track of time, hours maybe, you felt so tired and overstimulated that you just knew that this would be the final round. You could tell that Kaelix was so close to collapsing as well; he kept holding you closer and closer, while he kept whispering into your ear how much he loved you and how good you felt to him. You would be returning the favour, however, moaning his name over and over while you kept whining about how good he made you feel. It just took a few more thrusts of his hips to help both of you towards that final orgasm. With an incredibly loud moan, both of you had your final release of the night as Kaelix unloaded into you one final time and collapsed next to you.

Both of you took some time to catch your breath as you held each other close and shared some kisses, stealing each other's breath away. You gently pressed your foreheads together, so incredibly happy to finally share this moment together. "You know," Kaelix said, "I have loved you for years at this point. And I am so incredibly happy to see you like this... Sober, enjoying life, enjoying me. It's truly a dream come true," he said as he pressed a gentle kiss onto your forehead. "You know," you started "I told you about these delusions for a reason. Both because I was tipsy, but also because I felt it would be in the past, and I always trusted you. And on top of that, always loved you, too. Please... Stay with me... Forever..." you replied as you were close to tears at this point. Your (now boyfriend?) noticed and gently wiped those tears away with a thumb while leaving some gentle kisses all over your face. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love you so much. And I will do anything to keep you happy forevermore." Kaelix said between long, passionate kisses on your lips. "And I am so incredibly happy to have you in my life, too. You mean the world to me, you know that. And tonight, I feel on top of the world. This is all I could ever dream of. I... I love you, Kaelix..." you admitted in the dimly lit room, a blush covering your cheeks. "Reader... I love you even more. Good night, princess," your boyfriend said as he hugged you as tightly as possible, feeling both of you drift off to sleep soon enough.

[duskvsdawn]

Let me in, please

Kaelix had been worried about you lately, since you hadn't been doing well after your accident. And to be honest, you really weren't doing well, indeed.

≫ A/N: So this is that fic based on his partial cover of "monitoring" that I was talking about. So... uh... enjoy, I guess, idk. I also based it on some theories regarding the song. I am quite happy with how it turned out. Writing it was an absolute joy. I hope you like it!

Contains: female reader, substance abuse, uh I guess angst as well somewhat?, there is quite a bit of fluff there too, smut, I am too lazy to think of the rest. It's just really interesting and it has smut, you know what you're signing up to at this point.

Art credits.

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If you like my works, please like, comment and reblog! It is much appreciated ❤ And if you really enjoyed it, please follow me so you can be kept up to date on future uploads! Please do not re-upload, translate, or use for AI training.

DING DONG

Your doorbell rang, but you were barely acknowledging it. Even if the doorbell was loud as fuck, in your current state, how could you? You took another swig of your whiskey and a puff from your joint afterwards.

DING DONG

You were sure you heard right this time, but you couldn't be bothered to go and check, so you stayed in your spot on the couch. The doorbell rang a few more times, and then you noticed your phone buzzing on the table. You had turned it to silent mode because you knew this was going to happen. Reluctantly, you picked up your phone and squinted your eyes when the bright screen greeted your face. 2 missed calls from Kaelix, and a few texts on top of it. Then, the doorbell rang again. You sighed and struggled to get up from the couch, due to the chronic, very aggressive back pain, and the alcohol and weed you had consumed that day. You should definitely take another painkiller soon; this was ridiculous. You shuffled over to the door and looked through the peephole. You were greeted by a restless Kaelix, hopping from one foot to the other, popping his hip and fumbling with his shirt and his phone.

Another sigh left your mouth as you opened the door only far enough to sort of hold a conversation; you didn't want him to see you this way. You knew he hated seeing you like this, under the constant influence of whatever you could get your hands on. Painkillers, benzos, alcohol, weed, just to name a few.

After your traffic accident about a year ago, where you were hit really hard by a car, your back pain and your anxiety about going outside were so severe that you decided to never go outside ever again. You had severe nerve damage and had already had a few surgeries up until now. Those were the few times you had actually seen Kaelix face-to-face without a door between the two of you. He would always be by your bedside, fetching you whatever you needed and gently squeezing your hand when he noticed you were stressed.

Groceries were delivered to your door, and so was all the other... "stuff". You would occasionally hold a conversation through the door, just like you would be doing now with Kaelix. He had been the only pillar in your life for years now, the only person who actually seemed to care about you enough to actually check in on you. And you were thankful for that, truly, but because you loved him so much (in both ways, you later found out, you had a suspicion he was feeling the same way), it hurt even more to push him away the way you were doing lately.

"Reader... Thank fuck you finally opened the door." He said as you peeked your head a little bit around the door, barely enough for him to see your eyes, illuminated by the lamp next to the door of your apartment. "I knew you wouldn't be leaving anytime soon if I hadn't gone to the front door otherwise," you replied, shrugging to appear as nonchalant as possible. But honestly, you were happy to see him. You missed him so much. "I am tempted to ask the obvious questions, but, Jesus, you look terrible. What have you been using today?" he asked as he tilted his head like an adorable puppy. He did that a lot, and you loved that about him. "Just the regular, really. Ordered some whisky for once instead of vodka, I had forgotten how good it tastes," you replied meekly, always embarrassed about answering such questions he asked you. But you couldn't lie to him about it. There we plenty of things you had already been keeping from him anyway.

The main secret being the delusions you often had. Like, really severe hallucinations due to all the drugs and alcohol you had in your system clashing with each other. Often, you would see bright colours, along with Kaelix's face, when you looked through the peephole, imagining the most lewd of conversations the two of you would be having. He would talk to you about how he would hear you having "fun" on your own in the bedroom, about how much he would want to mesh his body together with yours and get lost in a sea of pleasure together, imagining the most sexual kinds of things the two of you would do together when you were so strongly influenced by painkillers and other drugs in your system. Somehow, you always managed to hold a proper conversation when he was actually at your door when you were hallucinating, almost like a different part of your brain carried the conversation while the rest of it was over in lala land. You blamed these particular delusions on your massive, massive crush on Kaelix. God, you really wanted to do those things to him. But in the end, you'd always be alone in your bed, using toys and your own hands to get you off and finish with another drink and a cigarette afterwards.

You heard a worried echo of your name, until you were brought back to earth, and you realised that the sound was coming from in front of you. "Reader.... Reader, are you okay?" Kaelix asked you. You shook your head and lied, "Yeah, I'm fine, just lost in thought, is all." God, you were making such a fucking fool of yourself, and you mentally facepalmed yourself. "Your next surgery is next week, right? The one where they hope they can fix the pain?" your crush asked, and you just replied with a hum. "I really hope they can take your pain away. I hate how much it changed you. And I hope I will be able to reduce your anxiety about going outside, even if for a little bit..." Kaelix said with a slight blush appearing on his face as he nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah.... Yeah, that would be nice..." you replied, trying your best to not zone out again towards these intimate thoughts about the person in front of you. "Please, text me the exact date and time. I'll be there for you. You know I always will. I want to be there for you," he said as he wanted to reach out to touch your face, but you instantly pulled back. "Don't! Just... Don't..." you said, tears so close to spilling over. You wanted him to touch you so badly, but not now, not like this. Kaelix sighed as he said, "I will be expecting that text within an hour. If you don't, I'm coming back over here, got it?" You just meekly nodded once more and rounded off the conversation to close the door. You sent him a screenshot of your appointment date and time. That night, you pleasured yourself, thinking about Kaelix all the way through. He was just irresistible to you, and you needed him so bad. But after you finished, you fell asleep crying like you often did, hating what you had become so much.

The day of the surgery came, and Kaelix was driving you towards the hospital. Most of the road was smooth, but if you encountered a speed bump, you would wince in pain, and he would apologise. You were being prepped for surgery, and so, Kaelix would be patiently waiting in the waiting room once more. It seemed like an eternity had passed until someone approached him and told him the surgery went well, and he was allowed to see you now. He quietly approached the recovery room and sat down next to you, gently holding your hand while you were recovering from the anaesthetic. After some time, you blinked a few times and fully opened your eyes. For the surgery, you had to be sober, and he loved seeing you like this more than any other way. You threw him a weak smile and, with some effort, managed to lift up your hand to leave a gentle kiss on the back of his hand. Kaelix turned into a stuttering mess when you did that, and tried to leave you alone as much as possible because you seemed really tired, and he wanted you to rest up properly. That, and he was so flustered that he had no idea how to face you anymore.

You had to stay in the hospital for a few days to make sure you were recovering well, and Kaelix would be there as often as he was allowed to. As always, he would get you anything you needed. Getting you whatever food you craved (and were allowed to have), bringing you some soda, and even helping you towards the toilet if you needed it. He offered to help you shower, but the nurses didn't agree to that quite yet. They would be keeping a close eye on you to make sure your body is functioning properly. He would even sneak in a few times far after visiting hours were over. You meant the world to him, and he didn't want to leave you alone. He would whisper sweet nothings to you while you would be drifting off to sleep, and tell you about his day because he knew it calmed you down.

Your release day came, and you were packing up to leave. Kaelix then finally asked you the question he had been meaning to ask you for days. "Reader.... How is the pain?" your crush asked you, giving you a hopeful look. "You know," you replied, "it's barely noticeable now. I am really thankful to the surgeons who did this for me. I am totally bringing them a gift sometime soon." Kaelix was trying his back to hold back his tears; he couldn't believe he had seen you in barely any pain, and also sober, for days now. It was new to him, but he was not complaining. It was new to you, too, but you weren't complaining either. The drive home, you were still really tired, but when you weren't dozing off, both of you would crack some jokes about all the stupid shit you did and said while you were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It was somewhat confronting, but you felt like a new life was approaching you now, and it felt okay to joke about it.

In the following weeks, Kaelix would be coming over daily, and you actually allowed him in. He noticed you had stayed sober now that the back pain was much, much less than what it used to be. He would gently force you to go outside with him a few times to get you used to the outside world again. It would start with short walks around the block, allowing you to get some fresh air. But in due time, the walks would become longer and you'd occasionally ride your bikes to your favourite ice cream place to get some ice cream. You even got some groceries together! Both of you would be enjoying life more than you ever had before, and genuinely enjoying each other's company. In the weeks that followed, you did more enjoyable things to provide you with more positive experiences outside again, and you were grateful that he was with you all the way.

At some point, both of you were over at your place, having a few celebratory drinks to toast to the massive progress you've made in recent weeks. It felt so different from the usual drinking you would usually do when you were in such massive pain, and for once, it just felt like something to do for fun. When both of you were pretty tipsy, you finally admitted your biggest secret to him: the delusions you had been having while you were "medicated". Kaelix just listened to you in awe, not sure what to say for a little bit. When you finished your story, there was an awkward silence in the room. He eventually broke it when he said. "You know... I uh... I had been having such thoughts for some time too. Not under influence, obviously, but... Yeah, they were there," The bouncer said while he scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling a massive amount of shame to admit this to you. A shy giggle left your throat as you looked at your crush. At that moment, he just looked so adorable to you, and you decided that if it wasn't happening tonight, it was never happening at all. You took a deep breath and blurted out, "You know... We uh... We can go to the bedroom, if you want," while you were turning 50 shades of red. Kaelix was caught really off-guard, but considering how much he loved you, he quickly agreed.

While you entered your bedroom, you would share some sensual kisses while you stripped each other. He gently pushed you back onto your back onto the bed and whispered, "Please let me know if you're in any pain, okay?" and you meekly nodded. He asked you if you had any condoms, but you told him you were on the pill, which he already knew, actually, so it would be fine. Kaelix held you close as he slowly pushed into you, soon bottoming out.

Both of you moaned out loud, so happy to finally feel each other's bodies after dreaming about this so many times. You soon begged him to please start moving already, and he was happy to oblige. Both of you would be sharing orgasm after orgasm, getting more and more vocal with each passing round. You were overstimulating each other to hell and back, but it felt so incredible that neither of you was able to stop. After, uh, you lost track of time, hours maybe, you felt so tired and overstimulated that you just knew that this would be the final round. You could tell that Kaelix was so close to collapsing as well; he kept holding you closer and closer, while he kept whispering into your ear how much he loved you and how good you felt to him. You would be returning the favour, however, moaning his name over and over while you kept whining about how good he made you feel. It just took a few more thrusts of his hips to help both of you towards that final orgasm. With an incredibly loud moan, both of you had your final release of the night as Kaelix unloaded into you one final time and collapsed next to you.

Both of you took some time to catch your breath as you held each other close and shared some kisses, stealing each other's breath away. You gently pressed your foreheads together, so incredibly happy to finally share this moment together. "You know," Kaelix said, "I have loved you for years at this point. And I am so incredibly happy to see you like this... Sober, enjoying life, enjoying me. It's truly a dream come true," he said as he pressed a gentle kiss onto your forehead. "You know," you started "I told you about these delusions for a reason. Both because I was tipsy, but also because I felt it would be in the past, and I always trusted you. And on top of that, always loved you, too. Please... Stay with me... Forever..." you replied as you were close to tears at this point. Your (now boyfriend?) noticed and gently wiped those tears away with a thumb while leaving some gentle kisses all over your face. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love you so much. And I will do anything to keep you happy forevermore." Kaelix said between long, passionate kisses on your lips. "And I am so incredibly happy to have you in my life, too. You mean the world to me, you know that. And tonight, I feel on top of the world. This is all I could ever dream of. I... I love you, Kaelix..." you admitted in the dimly lit room, a blush covering your cheeks. "Reader... I love you even more. Good night, princess," your boyfriend said as he hugged you as tightly as possible, feeling both of you drift off to sleep soon enough.

[duskvsdawn]

so i made the setup for the kaelix x reader monitoring fic. hopefully i submit it somewhere this week. i can't make any promises but I hope so. (I will remove this once it's published)

[duskvsdawn]

that moment when one of your masterlists has more likes than the fics itself lmao

[duskvsdawn]

okay wuyang needs buffs for sure, but he kinda cute though <3

look at this cutie!

[duskvsdawn]

i am not good with compliments. they make me depressed. especially if it's from people i'm close with, because i know for a fact i don't deserve said compliments.

[duskvsdawn]

i’d let xileak eat me in any day #ngl

omnom?

[duskvsdawn]

I said I was gonna write 2 fics this week, but I don't think it's happening. I just don't feel well and even though I already have the story lined up in my head, I just can't bring myself to start on it.

Maybe next week. Sorry to everyone who might have been looking forward to it... I just can't do it now... T_T

[duskvsdawn]

beautiful T_T

7 Last Minutes.

TW. Implied Death

Idk what compelled me to write this but I feel like I need to join the Luxiem angst bandwagon. Enjoy this I guess

7 minutes

The day I met the 4 of you. The day I finally felt my life was complete. A place I could call my home—People I could call home. A beautiful friendship that turned into family. My family.

6 minutes

Quilldren. That's what I chose to name them. The people who choose to support me. The people who choose to love me as I am. Another family I created. Another family I love. I will always cherish every second I spent with my quilldren.

5 minutes.

Our anniversary. What fun times. Our bond has strengthened. My Quilldren family has grown. I've grown. I've reached several milestones. Oh how happy I am. I wish this would last.

4 minutes

I don't feel good. But that's okay. It's probably nothing. My boys are here. My Quilldren are here. My Family is here. I'm happy. I'm okay.

3 minutes

I'm getting worse. I can't stream. I haven't been streaming. I can't get up. How are my boys? My Quilldren? I'll come back. One day. I promise.

2 minutes

I regained energy. I filmed our 3d Concert. How fun. How happy. I wish this would last. Forever.

1 minute

I couldn't keep my promise. I can't come back. I'm too weak. My Quilldren… My Luxiem.. I can't come back anymore..

3 seconds…

To my boys…

2 seconds…

I have loved you all…

1 second…

..Very dearly.

“That's… his last words..? To us..?” Luca says closing the laptop with the finished video. The other boys don't say a word—They can't say a word. “Why.. Why didn't he tell us? Why didn't he say anything!? We could've- We could've helped him…” Luca cries out in a fit of Rage? Grief? Helplessness? Shu brings Sobbing Luca into a hug, with Vox who follows. “We… We already lost Mysta… not- not him too” Luca says in between sobs. “I'm sure Ike knew what he was doing not telling us. As much as it pains me that I- We couldn't help him… he knew what he was doing.” Vox says gently, trying to keep composure. “He'll… He'll come back.. Right?” Luca says with hope. A slight bit of hope. The last bit of hope left in him. Vox and Shu look at each other through tears. They know the answer. They know the other knows the answer. But both are too afraid to say it out loud. Afraid they'd lose Luca too.

Idk how to make the text yellow ugh. Y'all gonna have to deal with white text Luca SIGH😣✌

[duskvsdawn]

bro.... just... bro... i can't.

“Covid game me narcolepsy” no you fucking pervert it didn’t. You’re just a weirdo with a gross fetish. Covid didn’t make you suddenly want to fuck dead people. Keep that shit to yourself you gods damned weirdo

I have type 2 Narcolepsy. Studies have shown that serious viral infections can cause people to develop Narcolepsy if they are already genetically susceptible to having it. This includes covid. That is what happened to me.

You on the other hand might want to google the difference between Narcolepsy and Necrophilia….

[duskvsdawn]

I felt a tear run down my thigh reading the Xileak fic

i'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing... probably the latter.

[duskvsdawn]

*looks at latest fic* yeah... about that...

✨censorship has no place in fanfics✨

[duskvsdawn]

What a tasty meal

This is a massive trigger warning before the trigger warnings: this fic is based on Kaelix's cover of Butcher Vanity, and it gets really, really dark. My true crime and dark fantasies brain went BRRRRR...

How did you end up here? And who was this mysterious man twirling a knife in his hand? You don't know the answer to any of the questions you have, but you know his intentions aren't good...

Contains: female reader, drugging with ether, you end up naked in Xileak's remote shed, Xileak is just fucked up in this fic, extremely non-con sex, mutilation, murder, cannibalism (I told you it was gonna get fucked up. heed these warnings, my friend), I don't blame you if you don't wanna read this one cause whoo boi... Normally I don't put this warning, but... Minors... be very, very aware, I put these warnings here for a reason.

Art credits.

≫ A/N: I am letting my inner demons free in this one. I have no idea what came over me to make this. I just... wanted to? Again, I won't blame you if you skip this one, and I won't see it as a personal attack either. Sometimes you just gotta write something completely different, and uh... ngl hearing his cover of it sent my mind all kinds of places... Oh boy, I am going to end up on a watchlist for this fic, for sure. Damn me and my true crime addicted brain T_T I am sorry if people hate it, but boy, I just had to write it. It only made sense to make Xileak the one doing these things because actual Kaelix could never. He's a wholesome, cute little baby who whines at the slightest of inconveniences. Evil alter egos, however... They have no moral compass and are complete opposites of what their "normal" version is like (in my mind). So with Kaelix himself being so wholesome, I can only imagine how fucked up Xileak would be.

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If you like my works, please like, comment and reblog! It is much appreciated ❤ And if you really enjoyed it, please follow me so you can be kept up to date on future uploads! Please do not re-upload, translate, or use for AI training.

You stirred awake with a low moan. You wanted to reach for your head because it hurt, but you quickly noticed that your hands had been shackled above your head. You blinked a few times and took in your surroundings. You looked down first and noticed you were naked, and on some sort of sturdy wooden table. You looked around the room. There wasn't much furniture in there, save for a single velvety-looking loveseat chair in front of you. There was another tiny table next to the table you were on, and you noticed there was a knife roll on it. Judging by its size, it held a variety of different kinds of knives. The dark brown leather shone threateningly under the light you were under, and you swallowed with difficulty. You knew that you were not getting out of here unscathed.

You closed your eyes again and tried to remember how you ended up here to begin with. You were walking around in your neighbourhood, on your way to work, already on edge due to the horror stories that had been going around lately about some kind of mysterious figure doing absolutely horrible things to the women he had captured. But you shook your head to remove the thought from your head, the area where these cases were reported was so far away, after all. But all of a sudden, you had the eerie feeling that you were being followed. You'd had this feeling regularly lately while you were walking in the dark streets (little did you know what this mysterious man had been stalking you for weeks already), and your instincts were barely ever wrong in these kinds of cases. Your pace sped up, and suddenly the feeling was gone. When you thought you were safe, you clasped your hand over your chest to catch your breath as you leaned against the wall next to you. But then, around the corner, you saw someone quickly lunge at you. It caught you so off guard that you just kind of froze in place. He covered your nose and your mouth with a cloth, and you pretty much knew instantly what he was doing, and you knew you were doomed. The person moved behind you, pressing the cloth even harder onto your face. You could feel yourself so close to passing out when he whispered in your ear, "Shhh, darling. Sleep now." You lost consciousness, and the man hoisted you over his shoulder, knowing exactly which short route to take to his van without being seen, and quickly drove off.

A low moan left your throat again as you felt another wave of headaches bubbling up. Seems that this attracted the attention of your captor, as he quickly entered the room. He leaned against the doorframe, twirling a butterfly knife in his hand. He was tall, had red and black hair and a threatening aura about him. He had red eyes that shone with evil intent behind his red glasses, and a smirk on his face. He just stood there, looking at you. When he licked his lips, you spoke up.

"I am not getting out of here alive, am I? So you're the guy who mutilated all those women. Where am I, anyway?" The man chuckled and slowly approached you, the wooden floor creaking under his feet while still twirling the knife in his hand. "You truly are as bright as I thought you were... Oh, this is going to be an interesting night." The man said as he suddenly stopped twirling the knife, and instead smashed it down inside the table right next to you. "So you're the one who has been following me for so long, then, stalking me. Did you seriously think I didn't notice?" you spat, but the man chuckled as a response.

"Of course you noticed, you were the only one who did, actually. You must have some sort of sixth sense for these kinds of things. But here's the thing, darling. I'm taller and quicker. However, I had to plan out this session much more carefully than all the other ones. You see, you are by far the smartest woman I have laid eyes on. And I just had to have you, so that's exactly what I did. I know you carry a pocket knife and pepper spray, I really had to think this out thoroughly so I would succeed." The man said as he made some adjustments to the table, walking around it to do so. He turned some kind of crank, and you noticed that your hands weren't as tight above your head anymore as they were at first, and he gave you some leeway. He turned another crank to move the table up a tiny bit higher, so it was now at the height of his hips. The gears in your head started turning, and you realised why he had done what he had done. He quickly yanked on your legs, pulling you down the table, and got in between them to then quickly shackle them to the feet of the table.

"Let me guess. You are going to have your way with me, and you're going to enjoy seeing me squirm and hear me scream. But no one will hear, because we're in some sort of remote cabin in the woods, right?" You spat as you narrowed your eyes at the man, and the man let out a hearty laugh. "Oh, princess, you know me too well. Guess you watching all those true crime documentaries made you the smart little thing you are now..." the man said as he reached up to let a leather-gloved hand run over your cheek. You turned your head and bit the man's hand. He cursed under his breath and quickly withdrew his hand. But his curses quickly morphed into a soft, maniacal kind of laughter. "You shouldn't have done that, princess. You see, the more you fight..." he paused, pulling your naked pussy against his covered crotch, and you could feel just how hard he was. His massive frame leaned over your body to whisper into your ear, "The more it turns me on..." He finished by licking the shell of your ear.

He leaned back and then noticed the wet patch on his pants. Another chuckle left his mouth. "Is this what I think it is?" he asks you, letting a single digit run up your folds. You were soaked. You could hear the squelching noises as his hand played with your sopping cunt. "N-no! You're wrong... That's not..." you said with a blush covering your face as you turned your head away. With a smirk on his face, he let the fluid run through his hand, licking his index finger clean. He then put up his hand close to your face. "Your body disagrees with those statements, sweetheart... If I didn't know better, I'd say this is turning you on. Tell me..." he said while he licked the remainder of your wetness off his hand, "is this a secret fantasy of yours? Is this the kind of thing you have been fantasising about while you were all alone in your bedroom, getting yourself off with those delicious moans of yours?" The man said as he left some searing kisses on your lower stomach, so close to where, apparently, your body wanted him, even if your mind didn't agree.

The man unzipped his pants and let his cock spring free. It was huge, there is no way that would fit inside of you. You swallowed back tears, realising just how this night was going to go, and you dreaded it. Another smirk on the man's face as he pushed into you in one swift motion. A silent moan left your throat, feeling yourself being stretched open, but he didn't move just yet.

"Xileak." "What?" you asked. "My name. Might as well tell you what to moan as I'm going to ruin you. It's not like I'm going to let you get out of here, anyway. No way you can tell anyone," the man said, and then set a brutal pace.

You knew he wanted to hear you, but you tried to keep silent as much as possible. He just kept going, and going, and going... Filling you up time after time. You kept silent because he told you he liked to see you struggle, so you were hoping he was going to get bored with it. Tears streamed down your face as you tried to go along with him to not upset him, to maybe get out alive, even if you knew you wouldn't.

"Fuck, I just can't help myself... But c'mon, at least put up a fight. Do it for me, babygirl," the man said as he leaned over you, wiping the tears from your cheeks with his gloved hand, still keeping his pace. You shook your head and bit your tongue; you weren't going to give him that pleasure, at least. After he filled you up one final time, he struggled to catch his breath and then tucked himself back into his pants. "Alright, darling, playtime is over," the man said as he walked over to the knife roll and unrolled it.

You swallowed with difficulty as he took one of the knives out of the leather purse, and closed your eyes, accepting death. You had a feeling he would just slit your throat, and that would be it. But that couldn't be further from the truth.

He would carve several lines into your body, some deeper than others. You screamed a lot, it hurt like all hell, even if you knew this is exactly what he would want to hear from you. But you had nowhere to go, you couldn't pull away from the knife since he had tightened the cuffs to the top part of the table again, and he had tied your ankles to the table as well. "You know," he said, "normally I only keep one part from my victims... but in your case, I am going to keep two." The man continued. When he noticed you weren't responding, heaving your breath, he continued once more. "I am definitely keeping your heart, because you have so much passion in there, determination... And I am keeping your brain, too. Because you are so smart, you make my head spin," the man said as he let the knife cut a little deeper, hearing you scream even louder. At this point, you were losing more and more blood, and you were starting to feel a bit faint. Xileak noticed, however, and gave you a second to regain your breath. But the blood kept spilling out, and you felt yourself slip away. At this point, you were straight up dissociating, anything to not have to actively feel and witness what he was doing to your body. He noticed this, too, and would occasionally straight up stab one of your limbs. This certainly got a reaction out of you as you let out some strangled sobs, tears flowing freely once more. The stinging sensation hurt so much, you weren't sure how much more of that you could take.

More and more blood flowed out, and you had no strength to look down, but you were sure you were losing colour. The man dug his finger into the stab wound he had given to your thigh, and you screamed once more. When he pulled out his finger, he licked it and chuckled once more. "Mmm, delicious... Absolutely delicious..." the man said as he continued cutting lines into your body. You were so close to passing out now, trying to force air into your lungs. And then, he stabbed your chest, right into your lung. You felt a few more stabs all over your body, and you passed out.

The man rode the table over to a special section he had in the cabin. He placed you on a metal table there instead and started dismembering you, treating your body with care as much as his fucked up mind could, making it easier for you to fit into his freezer. He let the blood drain out before he would place you there, however, and kept his promise to preserve your brain and heart, placing them in a jar with a combination of alcohol and formaldehyde.

After he let the blood drain from your body and he had cut you up into easy-to-store pieces, he wiped the blood off his face as he chuckled once more. "Oh, I am going to fully enjoy eating you over the upcoming weeks. Definitely the most delicious meal ever."

[duskvsdawn]

i've been kind of out of the loop recently, so i have no idea what cover you mean lol

but!! i am very excited about some gorey kaelix :3c

i hope youre doing well, and that next week treats you well regardless c: <3

hey hey, that's totally okay! if you want to know what I'm going to write about, check out the shorts on his youtube and you'll see ^^

and thank you for your kind words, I am going to try my best to not go absolutely insane. I figured I would try and write to keep me distracted. I have no idea if it's actually going to happen and if I can make it work, so it's emphasis on "try".

I hope you're doing okay, too!

[duskvsdawn]

so, uh...

the upcoming week is going to be stressful for me for... certain reasons. so I think I might try to pick up some writing again. i currently have a plan for 2 Kaelix fics that I want to write. i have no idea when they are happening exactly, but probably somewhere in the upcoming week. warning: they are quite different from what I usually write and inspired by 2 of partial covers he did, one of them is going to get really gorey. by me saying "partial", you probably already figured it out. so uh... look out for those? but I don't blame you if they aren't up your alley.

[duskvsdawn]

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