#okay one of my favorites but yk
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I just sobbed for 10 minutes over what they did to umbrella academy
#this is my favorite show of all time and it got me through so much in Covid#the umbrella academy#tua#fucking despicable#okay one of my favorites but yk
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dropping off some of my unstable universe art because im going insane and we got 3 episodes in like one week?? below is just some sketches i dont feel like finishing but you guys can have them too i guess
#unstable universe#unstableverse#spokeishere#jamatop#ashswag#reddoons#swagdoons#parrotx2#clownpierce#minutetech#mapicc#planetlord#wemmbu#eggchan#devious duo#pride duo#tax duo#so many people oh my godddd#the recent episodes all made me insane in very different ways#spoke's just made me incredibly depressed#minutetech betrayal was crazy#im so upset about it still actually :(#but jamatop is (possibly) back!! that's cool#ash and redd are CRAZYY as villains i love them actually#i fw uu swagdoons#mostly drew them for my friend though (yk who u are hii ^_^)#also i am still not over the clown vs parrot episode probably one of my favorites still#okay ill stop yapping in my tags for now#☆ my art .
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Promises
He should know better.
Wolfwood has seen Vash make promises, or hear about the ones he has made in the past. He has also seen the end of each one and how every single time the outcome is less than what was promised.
Vash likes to say embellished words, with a soft and determined voice that lures you into his hopes and dreams, it almost feels like a spell, as if he was calling for you to come closer and believe him. But Wolfwood knows better.
He believes in him, but Vash is much closer to being an idealistic dreamer than a realistic person like he is. He might not be aware of it, but his beautiful promises of a better future give people hope, a hope that is usually embraced with things like disappointment and abandonment.
He doesn’t think that Vash does it with the intent of looking for any of those things. Far from it, he might even do the impossible in order to accomplish said promises, but life is too short and humans are too mortal for his wishes, so in the end, most of Vash’s promises end up being empty or they come to haunt him as a reminder of his failed vows. He admires the man, for his perseverance and idealism, but he also hates the man, for his stubbornness and lies.
Wolfwood knows all of this perfectly to a tee. And yet, he has also found himself being drawn to his world. Because he also dreams of it.
A world in where his always present calls for love and peace exist, a world that is far more kind than what he might deserve, a world in where the kids can be happy and roam around without any worry in their heads, a world in where he can peacefully turn grey with age and his hands can shed the harsh callouses of his life. Who knows, maybe a world in where he and Vash can finally know the peace that was taken away from them, in where they can share the calmness that comes with the passage of time, indulging in every tick of the clock welcoming with open arms whatever comes their way without any fear.
It is a beautiful promise. But Wolfwood is a person that has to keep his feet on the ground, indulging in “what ifs” would only make things harder than what they had to be. He can’t have any ifs if he can’t make it through the now. And by the way he is carrying his present, he is doubtful he will even get to see a shed of that promised world that Vash tries to drag him into. So why mourn something he doesn’t even have, or will ever have for that matter.
He hates the way Vash seems to promise things so easily. His tongue silky and pliant, slipping divine words one after the other, promises way too big for what that barren world can actually fit.
But when Vash talks to him in that holy voice of his, when he hears him say “It’s okay, everything will be alright, I promise” so gently right on his ear, while he holds his face so tenderly making him focus on him and nothing else, he wants to believe him.
He has seen the end of his promises. He knows how impossible they are. But for once, he wants to believe it too. Believe in that loving world that will cradle them both until they fall asleep, listening to the soft sound of the wind laughing while the moons smile upon them.
So he allows himself to indulge in the warmth of his palms, leaning into the comfort of his existence, feeling the soft air of Vash’s breaths against his skin while their foreheads meet in a touch that feels like a hot brand that will melt him.
For an instant, he allows himself to be selfish and believe that maybe, that is how living in that world Vash so desperately fights for would be. Soft and warm, making him feel safe in the hollow of Vash’s hands where the world seems to fit so well. A world where the blue sky is a blanket that covers the love and care that is nestled in it like the one in Vash’s eyes. He wants to see that world.
For now, he will selfishly think that the world that fits in Vash’s hands is right there in where he is holding him, where his blue eyes are drowning in the light of the sunset dripping with love and care while looking at him, that the gentle touch of Vash’s thumb wiping his tears is the same as the kiss of that laughing wind in that distant future, where the smile of his eyes overcomes the smile of the moons.
He should know better. But he loves the thought of that world. And he hopes that Vash will get to see that world, because that gentle sight is more fitting for someone like him than the one of his violent world.
He promises to himself that he will do what it takes for that day to be possible. Even if the end of that promise will be empty for Nicholas, he knows it will be a full one for Vash. So it really isn’t that empty for him after all.
He hates his lies, and he hates how true they sound, but Vash’s embellished words are far sweeter than his bitter thoughts so they feel better on his insides, almost like a balm that cares for the wounds of his throbbing, painful reality.
He should know better.
But aren’t humans weak at the promise of love?
#yeah….mm…mhm yeah#my thoughts were going crazy with this one. because WW crying is something that has me week on the knees#WEAK FFS#also the thought of him becoming bare and emotional at the hands of Vash makes me want to jump around until I pass out#think of it. he is afraid of him in a way. but he trusts him so deeply too it’s such a contrasting and little contradictory thing#more like. denial after denial but yk what I mean. because that’s the whole post#also as a fun fact. while on the making of this thing the line of “it’s okay. everything will be alright. I promise#it’s meant to be said by Vash to WW#but also I did it considering that a)Vash is saying it to himself as well and b)it’s something WW wants to say to Vash as well#they are both incredibly pained men and they know it but don’t adress it. so verbally saying such words to each other issssUUUEHWHAGAH#ah yes. the intimacy of being emotionally vulnerable with the person who you would trust your life to but never openly say shit to eachother#isn’t that such an amazing flavor? I won’t lie to you it’s one of my favorites#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#trigun fanart#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#nicholas the punisher#lenssi writes#lenssi draws#trigun 2023#trigun 98#because I did a mishmash on WW design bc this is meant to be TriStamp time skip in my mind#his eyes were originally their canon steel blue/grayish tone. but while doing the lighting the brown looked gorgeous#i couldn’t help myself so I left it that way. because there is something so beautiful abt his eyes shining like that in#the afternoon light while he becomes undone under the sunset ya feel me?#OHFUCKIALMOSTFORGOT another little detail. Vash’s right hand doesn’t have a glove and it’s on purpose btw you’re welcome
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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InkFiles Day 4: Ice
#txf#txf fanart#the x files#my art#inktober#inktober prompts#inktober 2024#I skipped some episodes okay I wanted to draw for Ice#my favorite episode so far <3#day 4 of saying I love ink wahoo#not in love with this one but. yk#inkfiles
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would be really cool if my mood ever stopped vacillating wildly between high-anxiety self-loathing despair mixed with bonesludge ennui and wowie!!! gosh im such a cute giggler i looooooove picking flowers and skipping!!!!! isn't life so grand? :D within the span of a few minutes. girl slow down. pump the brakes there kid bc this thing sure as shit didn't come with a seatbelt
#it's kind of exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to have that be happening all the time!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i want to lay on the floor and ruminate so bad rn but i have work to do like always#fear save me from my apathy once again pls so i can get back on track. we're nearly there okay we got this go team#(<- fucking bluffing so hard im seeing stars)#it does certainly create the impression that i only feel okay when ive got something key jangling reality away#but tbh i think that might just be the bonesludge talking. at least for SOME of it yk#like i definitely do that the bonesludge has a point for some of it but not all of it#you're missing out on some nuance there my good bonesludge#anyway i would like to just turn down my emotions a little bit maybe. just a little bit all of them thank you#ok maybe not the happiness i do like that. not to pick favorites but that one's pretty good#but the feeling visceral guilt and horror and shame at the mildest implied incrimination for hours to days afterwards? bad!#the despair and hopelessness and anguish of simply being alive?? yikes!!! please be nice to me body brain neurochemicals etc im begging you
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Second opera show was actually really good! Small audience but my scene especially went sooo well :’) I’ve been procrastinating on hw all night so I’m just now wrapping up. Can’t wait to sleep tomorrow zzzzzzzz
#I’ve been stressing about my audition piece for next semester also#I finally felt content with the one I chose#and then they said to try to keep them to 2-3 mins….#my piece is 5 mins 😭 they didn’t mention the time limit until AFTER we all chose our pieces#whatever. they can just cut me off mid piece :(#it’s my favorite art song and good for my range and timbre and I WILL act my ass off though#okay back to hw now#I just want a primary.. but if I get ensemble that’s okay too#I just feel like I CAN get a main role for once so I want to try yk?#musicposting
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show me this and i'll be ruined immediately every time :")
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#themis#!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!#okay so look. pandaemonium tier. i have NOT done the latest one yet but ever since the start the whole thing has been my favorite#and it rose themis to being my 2nd favorite character just below raha which is saying a lot. and for a second i was even willing to say he#was the first. but raha is just different sorry themis. but YEAH#these lines live on in me forever oh my god everything w themis is just so holy fuck. oh my GOD#i think themis. deserves the world#LOOK okay wolthemis and all and and and and and then the fact that ?? the whole fallen star nickname thing ??? that Say My Name scene ????#and the moment he was revealed to be yk. finally. the fucking SCREAM i let out holy shit i have a voice recording of that. amazing#i am scared to do the last tier and by scared i mean terribly excited in a terrible way#i do not want pandaemonium story to end but i really wonder what the hell happens at the end... of it all. AAAAAAAAA
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Nothing like a gifset to remind me that I really DON'T like dating men actually
#this particular gifset there were two people in a car having a wildly intimate conversation but also lh and jokey#a man and a woman#and then he gets a look in his eye and goes quiet#and then he kisses her#and boy do i remember that#sitting there in the vehicle#having a grand time with a guy#and he goes quiet and i start to think oh is he gonna kiss me what's he thinking how's this gonna go#and the dread#over the years there was less dread#more okay i'm cool with this sure#but like#that's supposed to be an exciting moment yk?#it's supposed to be omg i HOPE this is gonna happen#there's supposed to be sparkles in the air#like when I show my friend my favorite movie and she's about to tell me what she thinks of it and it looks like it's positive and the momen#hangs for a second#as we're both excited#this isn't really a great example but you get it#it's like the moment when your best friend says i love you for the first time#all giddy and nervous and you have to seize the moment and say it back#so anyways friends if you've ever felt this way now you have my experience to think about#one more data point#personal#might delete later
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Ougggh Texas I need to see her destroyed in several ways I need to see her at her wits end I need to see her snap and lose it I need to see the look on her face when she sees something that finally pushes her over the edge, bringing out the killer in her. I need to see her lose control so bad that she is vulnerable, and is caught offguard by something she could have defended herself against. Despite this, I do not want her dead I want to see her be loved and experience love I want to see her heal. But first I need her to get worse.
#Chewing on Texas like a chewtoy#Shakes her around#texas arknights#arknights#The Texas headache is getting to me/j#My soggy wolfgirl#Number one favorite Italian American#I hope she steps in a wet oily rainpuddle that's deep enough to get into her socks#So she has to wash them but it's okay bc they'll be nice and warm again yk?
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Uh oh. I accidentally liked a marvel movie. Losing my media snob credibility immediately
#I say like I ever had it as a shounen fan#but man at least shounen is like. earnest#anyways#so I got bored the other night and I thought hey. I haven’t watched a marvel movie since endgame#(unfortunately was OBSESSED with the mcu as a teenager so… I was all over it before endgame)#but after that I didn’t give a shit and I mean endgame was already bad so I stopped watching them#but I wanted to see how bad they REALLY were#and folks let me tell you. they were bad. like. horrendously bad#I watched the doctor strange one and Thor 4 or whatever and man. god awful#soulless pointless poorly made etc etc#and I’ve just been going through all the ‘phase 4’ or whatever the fuck they are movies#and tonight I watched guardians of the galaxy 3 and uh oh. uh oh I liked it#okay admittedly there were parts of it I was rolling my eyes at and it was def tainted by… the irony poisoning of the mcu a bit#BUT!!!! but but but it did genuinely feel a lot more earnest than the others and I liked it#and the characters all genuinely cared about each other and it was obvious which for the mcu is ASTONISHING#and I know this is partially because I’m biased and I love the guardians of the galaxy and rocket in particular is my favorite#and the movie was mostly about him but. dare I say….#the movie was…. good?#okay not like GOOD good but it served it’s purpose as an action flik and was enjoyable and had fun characters#so I feel it did it’s job yk?#I will say I didn’t like the ending tho lol#how are you gonna make them all family and say that and ACT like it and then they separate at the end….#but like that’s normal for media unfortunately even if it is a trope I hate#kaz rambles
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Close to my grandma's age when she had my dad literally wtf
#*p#She gave him up for adoption good for her#Side note she is my favorite grandparent#Been thinking abt it a little more recently as I'm staying with her rn#Also rlly been thinking about how my grandma is losing her memory and whatnot but she is still just as kind and enjoyable as before#But when this happened to my (non biological) grandfather he was so fucking nasty. Hmm okay rant incoming once again just need somewhere to#Is been resting inside me for years and I think maybe I should just get it out finally so like don't read. I mean you can if you want but..#recently I realized that he hit my dad when he was a kid and so now I hate him hate him#My mom's always hated him too because of the way he treated my dad's sister versus him#She's so spoiled god#Once my mom told me how they both came to the airport and when my dad arrived he didn't even get up but when she arrived he got up#Before she even was there and greeted her with open arms like hmm okay#And the his computer screen savers was just a sideshow and ofc most if not all of them were her and not one was my dad#Back to the she's so spoiled comment she literally just took whatever she wanted when she came to my grandparents house#I'm not even kidding it was even their cars#Oh she took all of my dad's legos without a word to him. He wanted to give them to my sister so he went to find them and they just weren't#Like you couldnt have even asked ??Think she took his chess set too maybe. Yk lots of things like that#And this is kind of why I was born now that I think about it#My mom felt that my dad didn't have anything of his own so she wanted him to have a kid. Like she wouldn't have had a child if she didn't#Think that#Why did she tell me this anyway#I dint mind but I think lots of parents would not tell their kids that#But yk there are some things she could keep to herself. Like did I need to know where and after what meal I was conceived. No not really.#Wait no I'm literally in the exact room right now aren't I....#How did I get here in my rambling damn it I did not need to think about that
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NO THOUGHTS ONLY SHADOWBRINGERS HFALKDSJFASLKD
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#sorry my head is like . ffxiv. yes. empty. just ffxiv.#i love love love love themes w like. apocalypses? the world ending wtvr yk. HDLFKAJDLFKS.. SHADOWBRINGERS. IS. SO.#okay i cld ramble on n on about each of the expansions n they're all equally special to me but i want to ramble about shb rn#i started ffxiv during shadowbringers so the expansion is. yeah. YEAH 🥹#emet-selch.. he's srs my favorite antag ever. maybe hermes too if he counts idk but they're not necessarily cruel 'villains'#they're so human they're so goddamn human n it touches me so much i love them they own my heart#listening to ffxiv ost just gets me like this thank you soken thank you to the ffxiv team i love you guys so much thank you thank you#eulmore ost w. pain in pleasure & indulgence & masquerade. THE DEVELOPMENT FROM THE START OF THE GAME TO ENDGAME#IS SO GOOD. I LOVE IT. n then grr i love songs w yk the waltz yk or rlly just stuff like this so much it's just so pleasing to my ears#it sounds like heaven. n then. the scenarios it brings in my mind! i love fantasy worlds so much they mean so much to me#huh. realizing once more i rlly like a lot of charas that end up destroying the world one way or another. or wanted to or smth#sephiroth. lucilius. n yh emet-selch & hermes as i mentioned.#i cld ramble on so much abt emet-selch oh dear help me i'm still not over the 'angel of truth' thing n then. azemet T_T#azemet srs is like my otp. or uh. idk a lot of ff pairing r my otps#AZEMET. THE ANGST. hdfjasdlkf emet w azem n hyth hehe his friends r so. chaotic canonically. emet probably doesn't look the part w#idk bcs he looks so grumpy n old lol but he's rlly so kind at heart 🥺 i'm sorry i'm head over heels he's so ugly /lh i love him#ffxiv ost just has this. oh my god. it's so good. it fits so much w just every aspect in the whole game n i'm not exaggerating at all#when i say i know them all so well by heart. i could ramble for hours n days on each song in the whole game n what they mean to me#i love. ffxiv so much. the recurring themes n the way they tie stuff up together is just smth i've always loved nn#ffxiv's story was smth i looked for my whole life before finding out abt the game? idk the game rlly just means so much to me#one day. one day i'll create something of my own. smth like what ffxiv means to me but.. smth entirely my own.#goddamn i'm genuinely still very anxious n nervous abt the future. n like this year yh but. i'm even more excited.#i want to do a lot i. i want to reach out to tomorrow. i want to reach my dreams!!!! i'll reach. even further. forge ahead#help it's 1 am wnvr it's later into the night i usually end up rambling like this huh.#don't mine me i rlly just like writing n i talk to myself often 😭 i'm a bit tired for other stuff tonight but.#thinking of. stories or wtvr just refreshing my mind. i love ffxiv so much :<< all these stories mean so much to me..#yk what i'll just do more tmrrw i just want to take this time rn for myself#hdjfaklsdf i love music. n video games. n stories n idk just all of it just HDLFKAJSDLF.. i'm so in love w them all i just appreciate it sm
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danganronpa is whispering its siren song to me but alas nobody shares my big brain million iq opinions (drv3 hater) (korekiyo defender) (ishimaru understander) (celeste and hifumi apologist) (kaito hater) (protagonist love triangle poly advocate) (post sdr2 anime enjoyer) (fucking hates the writing bar the first half of sdr1 and ending of sdr2) (never even finished v3 because it was so dogshit terrible and also i genuinely can barely get through the minigames) (problematic psychological horror fan)
#the executions were not gorey enough they were not even that camp. except the celeste one.#leon baseball one was good. the korekiyo one had potential. kaedes ROCKED. taka's concept version was cool. everything else was shit.#everything about the way they wrote korekiyo drives me fucking insane ive written essay length posts on it before. i care him okay.#let me project onto the predatory fem gay man stereotype incestual serial killer.#mostly because his writing was wildly homophobic + transmisogynistic and a horrible depiction of abuse#but had so much potential for a genuinely good character if theyd pulled their heads outta their asses and deconstructed the tropes#which is what danganronpa is all about thats what makes the first game halfway secent#ughhh. its just so frustrating how all the writing js so close but so far.#like genuinely this is one place where i think fandom and fanfic is better than the original#say what you will but it's one of the only fandoms where ive felt p much all fanfic and headcanon done genuinely#has told a better and/or more complete story while keeping the original concepts and tone#unfortunately most of the fandom is insane and/or too preoccupied with shipping (understandable. i guess.) to like. engage with it fully.#and there's still such a dearth of content for my faves#kiyo is like at best a side character and at worse written as even more of a parody of himself 😭#theres literally like four people in the world who get it max. korekiyo eating spaghetti is still my favorite fan art of all time#...anyway. idk why im thinking about this rn but im nostalgic all of a sudden#i never really got invested into any of the crazy fandom stuff i just read old fanfic and watched from the sidelines#but me and a couple friends had a lot of own interpretation and theories and fanon sequel ideas n they mean a lot to me yk?#genuinely got me to do a lot more writing and art even if it was all korekiyo themed. im like soooo good at drawing him now (lie)#he's still my litmus test for picrews if i cant make him it's shit. he literally just has long hair a mask and pretty eyes. simple elements#anyway whatever he will live on in my head forever.
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its kind of sad... the valedictions poll has newrly 200 votes and the salutations one only has 6 💀
#salutations r just sm more boring. i kind of want to redo the valedictions poll#bc i think i relied too much on the wikipedia page and judt kind of..copied those. ykwim#also its kind of annoying ppl keep being like UGH these all have different contexts 🙄🙄 Yeah man#im asking which yr favorite one is. not which one you use most...#same 4 ppl who r like Well i always end my emails with x. OKAY but which is your favorite...#idrc it you vote for the one you use modt but yk. its judt a little annoying 2 see the same thing over and over in the tags
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dropping by a bit just a bit before midnights and i head to sleep because HELLL am i so glad with my fire units actually. i need to do work on proper teams and grids and shit but ?? wilnas percival michael medusa athena anila nemone etc i am Winning here
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა gbf ໒꒱ *·˚#fire... i never really favorited it as an element in gbf to play w but now it is different LMFAO#wilnas + percival is sooo fun i love doing a bunch of super strong attacks and charge attacks esp w michael's double ca skill#but yeah even before i got lucky with those three units in particular i was pretty smart w using athena and nemone already#like. synergy. or maybe i'm stupid idk but !!!!! the way they build up levels of yk. one when they get hit. one when they dont. so it fits#okay that's all ..... sorry it's funny to me i was suuuper yeah with gbf farming before the break and then throughout it NAH FAM but after#again. hi! also i played a bit of ffxiv today GOD i miss playing that game actively sooo much ..... kinda feels unreal i havent been super#active. anyway. sleep. uhhh oh wow i don't really feel stressed even though i have a quiz tomorrow that. is likely easy but i didn't really#study HAHAHGBSJ I HAVE A LOT OF TIME THOUGH SINCE IT ISN'T TIME-LIMITED and until afternoon sooo yeah. yeah#GOOD NIGHT i ramble again. also percy jackson universe my fucking BELOVED wait
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