#and I know this is partially because I’m biased and I love the guardians of the galaxy and rocket in particular is my favorite

[lesbiansanemi]

Uh oh. I accidentally liked a marvel movie. Losing my media snob credibility immediately

[mj-spooks]

Leverage Crew by their favorite holiday?

Okay so I’m going to say Parker’s favorite holiday is probably Halloween? I think costumes would be fun for her since she’s like a little kid, and hello, candy. I could see Christmas, maybe, except one of her character traits is... well, “I don’t like stuff, I like money,” which is more or less a direct quote. If it came down to presents vs candy, I’m guessing she’d pick the latter. Plus she’s such an adrenaline junkie, I can see her being a horror movie fan. I’m now picturing her forcing Hardison and Eliot to watch them with her. This is of course hilarious. And honestly I could see her having a really good time working in a haunted house. Did you know a lot of the higher end haunts have people on bungee cords? Parker’s all over that. She’s terrifying. And no one can quite figure out how she gets to all the places she does with the rig she’s (supposed to be) hooked up on.

Hardison’s, meanwhile, is almost definitely Christmas. Nana’s house was probably one of the ones all done out, yeah? I can see him getting real into helping her decorate. Then there’s the general excitement of the season, and all the delicious food, and the presents. One of my favorite things about Hardison as a character is how he breaks most foster kid tropes, because he has a loving and affectionate foster guardian who actually treats him like her own, to the point that he still as an adult considers her his family. What’s a big foster kid trope in the media? They don’t like Christmas, because they never got a “real” one because they had no family. So this might be my own personal headcanon out of spite for those tropes.

Eliot... alright, I’m gonna level with you here. This one is me being hella biased by my own upbringing. In this specific instance, I gotta say, I have never met a Southerner who did not love the shit out of Fourth of July. And not in a patriotic “God Bless America” kinda way, because ew. I actively want this country figuratively burn in a metaphorical dumpster fire, but July 4 rolls around and you best believe I’ve got a matchbook and something to light. No, more like in a “let’s all go down to the lake, get fucking tanked, and blow shit up” kinda way. Throw in the fact that the food options for Independence Day are usually fish fry (with freshly caught fish), or BBQ, and this definitely feels like a place Eliot would be somewhat typical to his place of origin.

Nate’s complicated for me, because prior to his son’s death, I got a really strong “Thanksgiving” vibe from him. A special time to come together, be with the family, be thankful for your blessings. No obligations of gifts or overly religious trappings to get caught up in, just you and the people that matter most, coming together and talking about how much you love and appreciate one another. That sounds like something Nate could get behind, back in the day. But of course, then his son dies and what has he got to be thankful for? I’m not sure he would’ve had a favorite holiday for a while there, aside from “It’s St Patty’s/Cinco de Mayo/Fourth of July/insert other drinking holiday here, time to get fucking wasted.” I totally see him as being someone who started drinking way early in the day and when someone asked he was like “It’s Cinco de Mayo, I’m celebrating, leave me alone.”

For Sophie, I’m going to guess New Year’s. Partially because of the completely hilarious “New year, new me” joke. I half imagine her sitting around in the days leading up to New Year’s, trying to create a new character for the following year. Tossing out likes and grabbing up new ones. “I think this year I’ll be really into tarot reading,” she says, making a mental note to see about acquiring a deck. But also, New Year’s is one big party, and people love to get all glitzed and glammed up for it. It’s a champagne holiday, and that feels like somewhere she’d be. I don’t think she’s got enough people in her life (pre-Leverage) to have a favorite holiday that’s about family or community in any capacity. And she’s not really a Halloween kind of actress. But a holiday that’s about getting dressed up, going out, and drinking expensive alcohol while reminiscing about the past year and wiping the slate clean for the next? Yeah, I think she could get behind that.

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

Fic Rec List (A Tag Game!)

Rules: Post links (Ao3, ff.net, etc.); specify fandom/pairing/etc; don’t answer the same fic twice - spread the appreciation; tag other people; you don’t have to answer all the questions, but leave them in the list so the next person can answer if they want.

i was tagged by @aninfinitenumberofmonkeys, who is also listed below because they’re a banging author and i love love love their work. ALSO i tried to tag the author’s tumblr where i could find it, but if i forgot or i totally fucked up and tagged you for a fic you didn’t write please let me know 😅

Fandoms mentioned are MCU, Stephen King’s It, The Umbrella Academy, Shazam!, Welcome to Night Vale

1. Favourite complete fic you’ve read this month (multiple chapters/parts): and i will not remember that i ever felt the pain by Fluffifullness @fluffifullness (It) -- it’s about the longing! it’s about grief and love and how they’re connected! it’s about the angst! but most importantly it’s about eddie 👏 getting 👏 all 👏 the 👏 hugs 👏👏👏

2. Favourite complete fic you’ve read this month (one-shot): we'll laugh and we'll cry until there's no more tears by knewwellenough @transfinnpoe (It) -- what’s better than this? coupla guys bein’ dudes, coupla dudes cryin’ and huggin’, coupla guys bein’ gay. ugh god i’m still weeping over this reunion hug, like, yeah there’s smut eventually but guys the hUG--

3. Favourite WIP you’ve read this month: hold on i still need you by QueenWithABeeThrone (It) because @viciousmaukeries is both a master of the written word and a genie specializing in granting my very specific fic wishes before i’ve even thought to wish them, so please, go read this tam lin au i’m still losing my whole mind over it

4. One fic/series you’ve read which you keep coming back to again and again:  hoping to be found by eddiespaghetti (foxwatson) @eddykaspbraks (It) -- *blows a kiss in the general direction of NYC* for eddie kaspbrak getting the healing he deserves

5. Most underrated fic you’ve read this year: did you know there’s no option to sort your bookmarks by kudos wtf anyway let’s go with some by virtue fall by StarryCleric (Umbrella Academy) because WHY are all my favorite five character studies so criminally underappreciated

6. Most underrated fic you’ve read EVER: trade all my tomorrows by tombenough_and_continent (Umbrella Academy) because again, why are all my favorite five character studies so underappreciated, wtf where’s the LOVE for my sad traumatized old man assassin, huh??? where???

7. Favourite whump/angst fic of the year: Next time, hire a nanny by TheArchaeologist @ancientstone (Umbrella Academy) i am counting this as whump/angst because my dude gets real hurt in this, but tbh it’s the ACTION i love this fic for, just nonstop heart pumping adrenaline and worry for my favorite time traveling (retired) assassin and his adorable little niece, and some amazingly soft hurt/comfort at the end

8. Favourite hurt/comfort fic of the year: If Either Way's The Hard Road by altschmerzes @altschmerzes (Shazam!) -- brothers being soft! my soft spot for kids played by jack dylan grazer strikes again! ahhh! good shit!

9. Favourite fluff fic of the year: Everybody Comes A-Running by Infinite_Monkeys @aninfinitenumberofmonkeys (MCU, GotG) -- listen, i KNOW i’m biased! i know! but this is still SO SO GOOD. the image of loki falling asleep while the guardians doodle on his leg cast is a gift i never knew i needed and it’s fantastic

11. Favourite smut fic of the year: Things That Happens After Eddie Lives (It) by IfItHollers @tthael is not, strictly speaking, a “smut fic,” it’s a fix-it that just happens to have some E-rated scenes, and it would have fit fine in #4′s slot because i’ve reread the whole thing so many times, but listen, this fic’s sex scenes are like the only sex scenes i’ve ever read and liked. talk about keeping in character, man! top fucking notch! plus there’s a line in there like “eddie knows exactly what oxygen does to fire but he breathes in anyway” while richie’s going down on him and, really, that line alone gives it this position on the list SO

10. Favourite gen fic of the year: the only soul I've ever saved by valkyrisms @valkyrisms (MCU, Thor, Spider-man) -- i just had the absolute pleasure of rereading this because it’s been months and i forgot so much of it, GOD if there’s a perfect way to write the unlikely friendship of loki and peter parker, it is unequivocally this

12. Favourite fix-it fic of the year/ever: An Eye For An Eye by dgalerab @dgalerab (Umbrella Academy) because it is no secret at all that this is my favorite fic, and series, bar none. season 2 will not live up to this, i’ve already accepted it, i’m alright with it, because i can always come back and read this after, y’know?

13. Favourite crack-fic fic of the year: 

14. Favourite sick-fic this year: 

15. Favourite kid-fic this year: kith and kin by penhaligon @arthurpenhaligons (Umbrella Academy) i know i’ve flailed over this on tumblr before but, guys, c’mon, UNCLE FIVE. what else do i need to say? i still cry every time i reach five saying “i don’t want to do this anymore” even though i’ve reread this several times, i just....... five ;_;

15. Fic this year which you didn’t expect to love as much as you do: Mostly Void, Partially Stars by Infinite_Monkeys @aninfinitenumberofmonkeys (MCU, Thor, Welcome to Night Vale) because who writes an mcu night vale crossover and makes it work? oh my god how, this was so good, it’s a mark of superb writing when i actually bark laugh while reading it, like, what a concept, what execution, what a fic, take all my kudos just take em

16. Fic which convinced you to ship a pairing: 

17. Favourite AU you’ve read this year: Who You Gonna Call..? by lesbuchanan @lesbuchanan (Umbrella Academy) -- why is river consistently the most galaxy brained person on this site? i have no words but *chef’s kiss*

18. Longest fic/series you’ve read this year: Keep the Car Running (MCU, GotG) starmora! woo! literally 300k+ of starmora and i did not regret a single second of the entire week it took me to read it

19. The last fic you’ve read: all good things by Fluffifullness @fluffifullness (It) -- pleASE someone for the love of god go read this fic and come scream about it with me, it’s just. so good. so so good. the losers defeat pennywise but don’t manage to prevent all those eggs from hatching, resulting in an apocalypse au that so far is MINDBLOWINGLY good and i’m dying over here just thinking about it

20. Wildcard fic you haven’t mentioned but deserves a shout-out + why:  In Our Bones by scullyseviltwin @scullyseviltwin (It) because it made me CRY and then it made me cry AGAIN and i LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT

EDIT I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAG PEOPLE AKJHSKJFHAKJFH WHOOPS uhhh okay how bout if i tagged you as an author consider yourself tagged? yeah let’s go with that, but like, no pressure you know the drill just do it if you feel like it or if you’re like me and you’re using this as an excuse to procrastinate other things

EDIT #2 also just like. do this. if you feel like it, regardless of whether you’re tagged or not, just like........ pretend i tagged you aiight

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

Symmetry

"Duality is not a curse, but a gift." --Author unknown

Type: Scout Rifle

Slot: Kinetic | Energy | Heavy

Element: Arc | Solar | Void

Perk: Revolution - This weapon fires full auto. Hold reload to swap to Arc Seeker mode. Arc Seekers track toward enemies you target.

Trait: Dynamic Charge - Precision hits build up Dynamic Charge. Swapping to Arc Seeker mode increases damage and partially reloads the magazine based on the number of charges.

Masterworked Trait: Electric Styx - Increases the maximum number of Dynamic Charge stacks.

Ornaments: Skyline Constellation, Binary System

Origin & Description: Seasonal exotic of the Season of Dawn, Symmetry takes its name from a Guardian faction known as the Symmetrists and their most well-known philosopher, the warlock Ulan-Tan. Ulan-Tan theorized that both Darkness and Light formed a cosmic balance and neither could exist without the other, making the idea of "defeating" the Darkness ridiculous. He also theorized that there was symmetry in the Guardians' relationship with the Traveler - that as the Traveler had raised Guardians from the dead and healed their wounds, it was a Guardian's duty to raise and heal the Traveler. Whether he intended to or not, Ulan-Tan wound up the focus of a lot of controversy, which he didn't much help by asking, "Are you afraid of me, or are you afraid I might be right? If in order to defeat Darkness we had to give up the Light, would you do it?" He also totally called Guardians out on our tendency to look upon marvels and turn them into guns: "Give a power to a Guardian and they shall know that power as a weapon, for when a Guardian chooses to alter the world, they do so with the bullet and the blade. Grant a Guardian godly power, and that Guardian shall fashion it into a perfect rifle." Yeouch. I think people may have just disliked how badly Ulan-Tan had our number.

Symmetry itself is an exceptional scout rifle and a lot of fun. I'm biased here because it's basically an exotic version of a legendary weapon I already have and love: a full-auto Vouchsafe I call "the nailgun" for its pinpoint sights and the pneumatic pew-pew-pew of its firing. The Scout Rifle archetype, intended as a middle ground between Sniper and Pulse Rifles*, has generally longer range than Pulses but smaller magazines and no burst fire; however, some scouts can roll the Full-Auto Trigger System perk which lets you hold down the trigger to fire continuously, and it turns out that lets you use some scouts as essentially very good pulse rifles. Symmetry fires at 260 RPM, the highest speed currently possible for a scout, and fires full-auto. Hold reload to engage that cool blue marbled-ink effect and swap to its alt-mode Revolution, in which it fires slow homing Arc Seeker rounds like a backwards Skyburner’s Oath. The two modes synergize via Dynamic Charge. Dynamic Charge builds up in regular mode as you land precision hits (similar to Polaris Lance). When you swap to Revolution it'll consume your Dynamic Charge stacks and give a massive damage buff to your Arc Seekers based on how much charge you had. Symmetry will also auto-reload when you swap modes based on the number of Dynamic Charge stacks so you don't waste part of your overcharge time reloading. Unmasterworked, Dynamic Charge will stack up to x15; the masterwork trait Electric Styx raises the cap to x20.

* Unfortunately Bows are kinda eating Scout Rifles' lunch at the moment. Bows also live in this mechanical space, and while they fire slower they hit hard and are overall more fun.

In a game deservedly famous for its weapon design Symmetry still stands out as extraordinarily beautiful. Season of the Dawn has an elegant, clean aesthetic that stands in sharp contrast to the overgrown rust of Season of the Undying and I am 100% here for it. The moment one of the art directors mentioned using 18th-century navigational instruments as inspiration I was all in and after a few weeks of playing I am even all-er in. The sleek coiled barrel at the center of its default look spirals outward in Revolution mode as the entire weapon lights up a deep royal blue with sparks and those strange marbled-ink patterns. The ornament Skyline Constellation, which drops from rank 100 of the Season Pass, changes it to white adorned with golden map-like tracery and changes the coiling barrel shroud to a series of winglike ornaments; switch to Revolution mode and those wings fan out as all the linework ignites. It's truly a gorgeous weapon.

Destiny 2 Compendium Armarum Exoticarum

[ Ace of Spades | Ager's Scepter | Anarchy | Arbalest | Bad Juju | Bastion | Black Talon | Borealis | Cerberus+1 | The Chaperone | Cloudstrike | Coldheart | Collective Obligation | The Colony | Crimson | Cryosthesia 77K | DARCI | Dead Man's Tale | Deathbringer | Dead Messenger | Devil's Ruin | Divinity | Duality | Edge of Action/Concurrence/Intent | Eriana’s Vow | Eyes of Tomorrow | Fighting Lion | The Fourth Horseman | Forerunner | Gjallarhorn | Grand Overture | Graviton Lance | Hard Light | Hawkmoon | Heartshadow | Heir Apparent | The Huckleberry | Izanagi’s Burden | The Jade Rabbit | Jötunn | The Lament | The Last Word | Legend of Acrius | Leviathan’s Breath | Lord of Wolves | Lorentz Driver | Lumina | Malfeasance | Merciless | MIDA Multi-Tool | Le Monarque | Monte Carlo | No Time to Explain | One Thousand Voices | Osteo Striga | Outbreak Perfected | Parasite | Polaris Lance | Prometheus Lens | The Prospector | Queenbreaker | Rat King | Riskrunner | Ruinous Effigy | Salvation's Grip | Skyburner’s Oath | Sleeper Simulant | Sturm | Sunshot | SUROS Regime | Sweet Business | Symmetry | Tarrabah | Telesto | Thorn | Thunderlord | Ticuu's Divination | Tommy's Matchbook | Tractor Cannon | Traveler's Chosen | Trespasser | Trinity Ghoul | Truth | Two-Tailed Fox | Vex Mythoclast | Vigilance Wing | The Wardcliff Coil | Wavesplitter | Whisper of the Worm | Wish-Ender | Witherhoard | Worldline Zero | Xenophage ]

[the-questionmark-kid]

finished Voltron and I’m mad about it

If you’re interested in watching Voltron but don’t want any spoilers, move on 

1) a quick shot of Shiro with his husband, while adorable, doesn’t count as queer representation, and in fact, I almost would have preferred (or at least had in addition) that gender neutral language had continued to be used in regards to Pidge throughout the rest of the series. 

2) Honerva is a more interesting villain than Zarkon, and much scarier in terms of power, but her sudden turn around did not resonate in the least. Allura reaching out to her by sharing memories of Honerva’s past life, as well as Allura’s kindness towards Lotor (and Lotor’s obvious happiness with Allura) was incredibly effective, but Lotor’s own eventual end lessened this effect. 

3) Lance’s infatuation being allowed to grow and then being reciprocated by the “untouchable” object of his affection is just...gross. I’m sick of this trope. Lance also suffered from all of Voltron’s character writing in that his “growth” was sudden and was the result of a major personality shift that came out of nowhere. I am biased, though; I have never liked Lance and nothing he ever did throughout the series made me enjoy him. I honestly found him incredibly annoying and ultimately useless beyond serving as a “relateable” character I was unable to relate to at all.

4) Lotor’s fate is the most disappointing point of the last few seasons. I wrote about this in a previous post, but Lotor was set up as an incredibly effective brittle character, with so much potential to walk the line of black/white morality that no other character was truly capable of doing. Keith came the closest with his Galra heritage, but he never experienced the Galra culture or had a Galra education - Lotor was embroiled in both, managed to out-preform everyone, and only then discovered it was partially due to his Altean heritage, the very people he was predisposed to hate. I cannot accept his turn from anti-hero to villain because it’s so...unbelievable. Lotor cannot idealize the Altean society without valuing the lives of the Alteans he saved. We already know he’s capable of empathy  - he works just fine alongside other races and half-galra soldiers - and he was honest in his pursuit of peace. To have the writers try and paint him as the same psychopathic conqueror his father was was a true disservice to the character they had created. In addition, the “defeat” of Honerva would have been so much more powerful had Allura and Lotor approached her together. To me, this is the culmination of the entire meaning of the show: when all seems lost, hope lies in the strength of unity. Not to mention how much more interesting Lotor’s arc would have been over Allura being...possessed. 

5) If I never see a romantic plotline that requires a potential love interest to ask a guardian for permission to pursue another adult, it will be too soon.

Did I enjoy Voltron? Overall, yes. Are there a hundred ways I can think to make the series more dynamic and interesting? Oh you have no idea. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to draw an angsty picture of Lotor and Allura and write a fix it fic.

[spaceorphan18]

hey! i'd love to jump on the marvel bandwagon but i have no idea where to start. what movies should i watch & in which order? help! x

Hello Nonny!! And thank you for asking me this - made my day, really :D 

Well - the first thing I’ll ask is do you have a favorite character, or a character you want to know more about? Cause, let’s say you want to know more about Captain America - I’d sit and watch all the Cap movies, or movies that he’s in.  If, however, you’d like to experience things beyond a single character well then --- 

SO’s Guide to the MCU: 

So, these are in chronological order - the order they were released, and this is the order I suggest you watch things in.  They kind of flow into each other really nicely.  Note: There are also a bunch of TV shows, too, but I haven’t watched any of them, nor do you really need to for an understanding of the movie universe.  So, here we go: 

Phase One: 

Iron Man - This movie kicked the whole thing off in 2008 and is the story about Tony Stark becoming Iron Man. Tony Stark is a billionaire who sells weapons for a living, but when he’s kidnapped and nearly killed, he rethinks his life’s priorities. It’s a solidly good movie, and I do recommend starting here as it lays the foundation for everything that comes after it.  It also kind of gives you a feel for how Marvel movies run, so you can get an idea if this type of movie is your thing or not.  

The Incredible Hulk - Not to be confused with the (supposedly) awful film from 2003 named Hulk.  This version of Hulk is not much better, and it i the one film that I recommend skipping over entirely unless you really want to see everything.  Hulk is gonna be recast for Avengers anyway, so there’s not really anything here that connects to the rest of the MCU, and it’s not really that good of a film in the first place.  FWIW - Bruce Banner created a serum that accidentally turns him into the Hulk, and that’s pretty much it.  

Iron Man 2 - The continued adventures of Tony Stark and Iron Man.  This movie gets a lot of crap, but I don’t think it’s all that bad.  It’s not necessary if you want to hit the highlights, but if you enjoy Iron Man, I do recommend it.  It also introduces Black Widow. 

Thor - Oh, Thor. Thor is a demi-god, based on Norse Myth, who lives in a place called Asgard and has a magic hammer named Mjolnir.  If you want to do your homework before watching the Avengers then I do recommend this - even if it’s a middling film.  Thor and Loki’s relationship is one of the highlights of the MCU, so that alone makes this film worth a watch.  Also, there’s a brief introduction to Hawkeye.  However, it’s not necessary, as I made it all the way to a few weeks ago without seeing it and managed to understand everything just fine. 

Captain America: The First Avenger - Captain America is original just a scrawny kid named Steve Rogers who just wants to do good in the world. The Cap movies are slightly better than the Iron Man and and a lot better than the Thor films, so I’m going to recommend all of them.  This one is also is a solidly good film, it’s a nice intro to Cap, gives some background and depth to the MCU, and sets up The Avengers.  Plus Peggy Carter.  

The Avengers - Avengers, which brings together Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Thor, Black Widow, and Hawkeye, is possibly one of my all time favorite films, and I definitely recommend it over everything else in phase one.  If you are a little iffy about whether or not you’ll like the MCU - maybe start here, and see if you like the characters, then go back and watch their origin stories if you are interested.  

Phase Two: 

Iron Man 3 - The continuing adventure of Iron Man.  It’s a bit wonky, but Tony’s story is really compelling as he struggles with PTSD.  I think if you’re an Iron Man film, it’s worth the watch, but maybe not if you aren’t as interested in his character.  

Thor: The Dark World - Like the first one, this film struggles a bit, and also like the first one, the only redeeming thing about this film is Thor and Loki’s relationship.  It is pretty skippable if Thor isn’t your thing. 

Captain America: Winter Soldier - The best film in phase two, it’s Cap and Black Widow against the government in this high stakes political thriller.  It’s a well done film that has ramifications on the entire MCU, so I definitely recommend it! 

Guardians of the Galaxy - This is the MCU’s version of Star Wars, complete with scrappy characters.  It’s mostly about Starlord, who comes from Earth and was abducted at a young age.   Space stories aren’t my cup of tea, but this film is well done, funny, and sets up a ton of stuff that will be played out in later films.  I recommend at least seeing it once so you know who these guys are because they will be back. 

Avengers 2 - I’ll be upfront, it’s not as good as Avengers 1, but there are some good things in it.  And it’s the whole crew back together again, which is always fun.  I do recommend seeing it at least once since it introduces some important characters and plots that get carried into phase 3. 

Ant-Man - Ant-Man is Scott Lang, a down and out criminal, who is recruited by a scientist to steal back some technology.  This film is mostly stand alone, but it’s a fun little heist-comedy.  It’s not needed for the greater understanding of the MCU, though there are nuggets in here, but if you want a light-hearted film to watch one evening, I do recommend it! 

Phase 3: 

Captain America: Civil War - Don’t let the title fool you, this is really Avengers 3.  I love this film since it explores the various dynamics among the Avengers - especially getting into the heart of Tony and Cap.  But even if you’re upset that it’s not fully a Cap movie, I strongly recommend this one since this film sets up so much going forward and will be referenced a lot in other movies. 

Doctor Strange - Strange is an unusual character that represents the mystic side of Marvel comics.  He’s a surgeon who’s wrecked his hands, so he’s forced to find new ways to heal and stumbles upon some seriously weird mystic shit.  It’s a solid film, but I wouldn’t say that it’s a stand out.  If you’re interested in Strange and his beginnings, or just a Benedict Cumberbatch fan, I’d say check it out! But it’s not really a necessity.  

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - I’ll be honest with, I had a hard time getting through this movie.  If you’re a fan of space stories, or just really like GOTG and its characters, I’d say watch it - but feel free to skip if it’s not your thing.  It’s not really that good of a movie.  

Spider-Man Homecoming - I’ll be honest, I’m biased and love Spider-Man, so this is an automatic yes for me.  Peter Parker’s just your average high school kid who got bit by a spider and has super powers.  (Though, I’m assuming you know this partially since most people know about Spider-Man.)  If you watched Civil War and found Peter Parker endearing - yes check it out! It doesn’t have a lot of bearing on the MCU as a whole, but it’s a fun, low stakes, high school story that I think is worth watching.  

Thor: Ragnarok - Finally a Thor film that’s good! Yes, I whole-heartedly recommend this film.  It’s a great comedy, and finally gives Thor some good character development.  It also has a lot of influence on Thor’s character going forward.  

Black Panther - Black Panther is the king of Wakanda - an advanced African country, who keeps its borders closed to the outside world.  Another definite yes! Like Spider-Man, if you found Black Panther interested in Civil War, check this one out! It’s incredibly solid, has really engaging characters, and is more thematically complex than a lot of MCU movies.  I recommend it! 

Avengers: Infinity War - This film is a masterpiece of everything that’s come before it.  If you can watch it in a theater - I do recommend doing it that way for the experience.  However, it does rest on the shoulders of everything that’s come before it, so it may not have the same weight if you haven’t seen most of the rest of the MCU.  

Upcoming Phase 3 - 

Stuff that’s not been released yet

Ant-Man and Wasp - After the heaviness of IW, I think this will be a fun little adventure story and already looks worth checking out. 

Captain Marvel - MCU finally gets their act together and has a female character as their lead.  This should be interesting, especially since Captain Marvel will probably play a big role in Avengers 4

Avengers 4 - The conclusion of Avengers 3, and the finale of the first three phases.  It’ll be interesting to see how all of this pans out, and will set the stage for anything that comes after it.  

So, there you go, Nonny, hopefully this helps a little bit!  Honestly, the only film that I straight up don’t recommend is Hulk -- but like I said first, I’d stick to following characters you enjoy if you feel a bit overwhelmed by everything.  If you want more information, let me know! 

[antifascistpunisher]

So after finally finishing the series my friend @irdeadite and I have some thoughts about it. Spoilers ahead!

Dead’s Review:

 The Good: Jon (obviously) He acts the fuck out this role. He's wonderful! 

The action (Blood and violence yas fuck it up) 

The story is interesting. 

Conspiracy theories are p interesting. 

Frank x Maria (even though it's SAD)

 The Bad: Could do without the hetero-normative shite. It's not necessary to the plot. Why do we need to see two characters fuck (twice)?

I can see Frank caring about Karen in a protective guardian way and that's 100% fine, but when it's shoe-horned in that “oh he maybe likes her in that way and she likes him like that too Ouughjahgdjsda squee” way...It's just... Annoying

. It's possible for a man and woman to be platonic friends w/o that stuff getting in the way (Frank even said she’s family and the show runners even said she reminds him of his daughter, and you don’t fuck family or people you consider family. That’s just making it weird).  Let the man grieve about his family who recently died 6 months again. A relationship isn’t what is needed (friends are nice to have to lessen the ache), but it's not really going to move the plot along. It's not going to fix or really help Frank along in his life. It's just excessive.  Could do with out that.

My Review:

The Good: 

Jon absolutely killed it in this role. I have never seen a better version of the Punisher and I doubt I ever will again. He can be sweet and gentle and then go into full blown berserker mode, bringing Frank into the realm of being a complex and nuanced figure, which is something I think was lost in the past media portrayals of him. He made me cry, which is something the other Punisher movies weren’t able to do.

It got a little slow at times but the action more than made up for it. It was brutal but not cartoonishly so, reflecting the best of what the comics had to offer. The scene at the carousel was the peak of “holy shit, yes this is the Punisher” levels of violence we have come to see in the comics.

The concept of veterans getting fucked over by their government is very much topical and poignant.

BATTLEVANBATTLEVANBATTLEVA-

The portrayal of PTSD was to me, completely spot on and done in a thoughtful way that I really appreciated.

Dueling Mustangs! I’m a super biased Mustang owner and I loved this.

Fucking love the banter between Micro and Frank and watching their friendship progress

I was worried it was gonna take a leaning towards conservatism in its politics but thankfully didn’t do so, but it didn’t go into liberal/centrist territory either

FRANK INTERACTING WITH KIDS OH MY GOD

The actor who plays Billy did an amazing job of getting me to absolutely fucking hate him and they did a fantastic take on Jigsaw’s origin story and how his face gets all fucked up. Beautiful! 

Curtis is the best okay and I will fight anyone who says otherwise

Dinah is a really amazing character and I hope we see more of her in the future.

Like Dead said, the FrankxMaria scenes just absolutely killed us both but were amazing

The Bad:

The series kinda started off slow and shaky and didn’t quite seem to have a firm grounding on where it was gonna go with the story. I’d say around episode 8 is when it really hits its stride.

Fandom baiting of Ka/stle shippers. Like look man, ship what you like but this has been reaching obnoxious levels and it was pretty obvious they were hoping to draw people in and keep them more interested by showing affection between Karen and Frank. And of course now I can’t look in the gifs section without seeing 5000000 Ka/stle edits. That’s really frustrating because when that becomes a focus it takes away from the other scenes of beauty between Frank and his other friends, especially Curtis and Micro. And the scenes of his memories with his family and Maria (especially in the last two episodes) are really outstanding and emotionally poignant. 

The Billy/Dinah sex scenes. These were, really jarring in how they would just randomly show up for extended periods and seemed pretty out of place/unnecessary. I was hoping Dinah was going to be partially based off of Lieutenant Molly and that we would have a *gasp* lesbian main character, but I guess that was too much to ask for and instead we were subjected to the Standard Hetero Nonsense. I’m not knocking the scene with Frank and Maria towards the end because it felt a lot less like an in-your-face - “THE PRODUCERS WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO REMIND YOU THAT SEX EXISTS” and more of a scene of intimacy based in his last memories of her. And you know, something to focus on while he was getting the stuffing beat out of him by Agent White Devil there.

So overall, we loved it. It’s got some flaws that we hope get worked out in future seasons, but we overwhelmingly love it. Jon is the best Punisher, hands down.

We give it a skull-throne worth of skulls out of ten. The Blood God Approves.

[catcomixzstudios]

How To Life Chapter 50

How To Be A Good Person

- Treat people as people, never anything less. You’re bound to encounter all kinds of people throughout your life. I find that the best approach to dealing with a vast majority of people is to think of them as a human being first instead of a person of this faith or that color or whatever. Stripping away those things that make us different, we are all human beings at our core. We can respectfully disagree about our differences, but never lose respect for people. To those folks that treat you as less than human, avoid falling to their level when you can; hate and abuse breed more hate and abuse. Seek those that treat you fairly.

- Try to resolve conflicts without violence whenever possible. Violence can be inevitable at times. There is no crime in my eyes for defending yourself or protecting yourself from losing something precious. But any situation that can be resolved without hurting others is almost always preferable. There are some that only respond to violence, but you must never lose sight of the peace you seek. Violence is a very dangerous, slippery slope, and any chance you have to avoid it should be taken advantage of.

- Recognize any privileges or advantages you have over others. It’s very easy to lose sight of the conflicts you do not have to face that some others DO on a daily basis. I’m not asking you to give thanks every day for the challenges you don’t have, mind you, and the ones you do have still matter to you. Just keep in mind the ones who have various difficulties you do not. Perhaps you have overcome many of your demons, but many people will not have shared your experiences. The most basic thing you can do is legitimately try to understand the plights of others and respect them. The less fortunate and oppressed are the best judges of whether or not they’re being mistreated or having a bad time. You can even do one better by helping their voices be heard and trying to make the world a better place for all.

- Give credit where credit is due, but don’t get overly prideful. You will do many great things in your life. Some challenges you overcome will mean much more to yourself than others, but they are still meaningful for you. Many challenges are even greater, and may take years or even your entire lifetime to accomplish. Give yourself credit for your accomplishments of any size. You deserve to be recognized for your effort. Just avoid going overboard with the praise. You’ve certainly made mistakes, and there is a big difference between admiring your accomplishments and gloating. You shouldn’t ever have to put someone else down just to lift yourself up.

- Try to base as much of your life on facts as possible. Life can be scary and confusing. It’s easy to cling onto beliefs that we have little or no basis for. However, I find that generally the most healthy attitude to have towards existence is to acknowledge the truths rather than hide behind comforting lies. That may sound scary to some, but when you seeing the truth in the world doesn’t have to take away from its beauty. Knowing how something wonderful works doesn’t make it any less wonderful, and understanding that something horrible is true allows us to process it and do our best to move on despite it (or hopefully go about fixing it). I believe that we live in a reality based in fact, and understanding those facts is much more healthy than ignoring them.

- Be able to understand that we’re all different and have different opinions on different matters. You don’t have to agree with others, but they should still be able to have their opinion. Understand that, while you have a right to your opinion, that doesn’t guarantee it’ll be respected or even acknowledged. People’s humanity should come first before ideas. People should not have to die for the sake of an idea. Ideas do not have feelings and I think a vast majority should be preserved if only for the sake of cultural understanding. Not all ideas are created equal. If someone’s ideas are challenged, they should be able to try to defend their beliefs. Talking and/or debating about ideas or beliefs in a way that isn’t an assault on individuals is an important thing in society that helps us continually grow.  

- Respect your home, family, and friends (though do not praise those that would abuse you). Some individuals will go out of their way to take care of you as best as they can. They might be your biological parents, they might technically be strangers who become your family. Being a guardian is difficult and no one is perfect. You can’t always get what you want how you want it. You should be able to acknowledge, however, when someone is making their absolute best effort to give you a good life. Be thankful to have people who care about you around. On the flip side, to those that actively hurt you or train you to hurt yourself, you have shown true strength for fighting a battle you never chose to partake in. There are others like you, and people who will understand and love you in ways that don’t hurt you.

- Acknowledge those who make the world a better place (don’t worship them), and strive to do good like they do. It’s often human nature to focus on the horrible things in the world. We should never forget about these things, as recognizing them is the first step to trying to fix them. But we should also find time to seek out and give thanks to the unsung heroes who spend all of their time (or even just some) doing their best to make things better for others. I’m not saying we should put charitable people on a pedestal as if they’re better than everyone else, mind you, just that we need to remember there are people out there doing good. Consider what you can do to make life a little better for others; very simple acts of kindness and charity can have a massive impact on people’s lives.

- Forgive the mistakes of others and yourself. Learn from them. One of the most human things you can do is fuck up. We can’t ever have all of the information, skill, and just plain good fortune to always make the right choices. The best thing we can do is try to come to terms with these mistakes, and figure out where we went wrong. Good people will do their best to take responsibility for when they are at fault. Not every act is forgivable, and you don’t owe anyone forgiveness even if they are truly sorry and vice versa.

- Help others that need it. As stated previously, the smallest acts of kindness can have a much wider impact than you expect. Sometimes just doing something as little as listening to someone when they’re having problems is all that you need to do. Other times, you might be asked to help someone face a much greater challenge. If you believe that you’re strong enough, helping others deal with their issues is one of the kindest things you can do for another person. Good people will remember good acts done for them, and will often be more willing to aid you in your times of need. Though you can’t help everyone with everything of course; you’ll have to choose your battles and make time for your own issues. As long as you’re doing your best to make life better for others, that’s all anyone could ask.

- Live life to the fullest. Undertake new experiences. Do your best to understand others and the world around you. You’ll almost certainly never be able to accomplish all of the things you want to in life, but you should at least try! Some of our more grand dreams might not come true or even be practical, but there are often little victories we can partake in; try to go to new places and meet new people once in awhile. Do your best to attempt to keep life at least a little fresh. There’s more to the world then we could ever hope to understand or accomplish. When your time is almost up, do you want to focus on all of the dreams you have not accomplished, or think about all of the great things you did and amazing people you’ve met?

- Be aware of your own biases. Don’t believe something just because you want to. We will come across tons of different stories and pieces of information in our lifetimes. People tend to cling to information that already fits with what they believe. As easy as it is to trust in something that you already think is true, keep in mind that you are at least partially responsible for the spread of information. You may well spread something that isn’t true if you fail to do even the most basic research on the topic. The reverse of the situation is true as well; just because you don’t happen to believe in a certain piece of information, that doesn’t automatically make it false. Be aware of uncited stories and info as well.

- Try to stop those who would condemn, harm, or just plain make other’s lives miserable. Strive to not be like them. You can’t and should not fight every battle that comes your way. Some individuals merely seek to provoke a response out of you or others for their own amusement. Do not to assess your value as a person from faceless trolls. However, there are many individuals that will genuinely try to make life horrible for other people. These kinds of people should be exposed and stopped whenever possible. Those people and the behavior they partake in is disgusting, and should stand as an example how NOT to act.

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[amorremanet]

Since we’re always Sorting characters from other fandoms into Hogwarts Houses and I haven’t seen anyone else do this yet, I thought it would be fun to sort canon HP characters into Houses from EAGLECREST!, the infinitely superior American Wizarding school created by tumblr user @sashayed, which you should seriously check out if you haven’t because it’s cool.

(In the interests of disclosing my biases: I’m a member of House Justitopia, and I can’t dispute that Sorting as being too obvious without proving exactly why I deserve to be in Justitopia. It’s also not a completely comprehensive list, just a fairly long one.)

HARRY POTTER: I’m torn between Shrugstagram and Justitopia for Harry, and I don’t know how well he would adapt to the idea of a secondary House, but Harry James “fuck Umbridge, fuck the Malfoys, and fuck anyone who thinks they can just push people around for the lulz” Potter can’t deny that Justitopia streak.

RON WEASLEY: Shrugstagram, oh my god, there is no question

HERMIONE GRANGER: The most Justitopia to ever Justitopia, but lbr, there’s a Laxdisick streak here too

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM: Bluthyoncé, for seriously. He comes into a Justitopia secondary as he grows up and comes more and more into himself, but ultimately, Neville’s heart is in Bluthyoncé. (Herbology and horticulture are a kind of creative art, okay.)

LUNA LOVEGOOD: Shrugstagram with a Bluthyoncé secondary. It’s pretty evenly mixed between the two for Luna, though. She really only favors Shrugstagram ever-so-slightly because they have hammocks.

GINNY WEASLEY: Laxdisick, with a Shrugstagram secondary, but it’s really, really slight. Ginny is so Laxdisick that it hurts.

DRACO MALFOY: The most Laxdisick to ever Laxdisick, are you even remotely kidding me.

JAMES POTTER: ……okay, no, I retract that statement about Draco. James is actually the most Laxdisick to ever Laxdisick, are you even remotely fucking kidding me.

SIRIUS BLACK: Bluthyoncé, with a Justitopia secondary.

REMUS LUPIN: Justitopia, with either a Bluthyoncé or Shrugstagram secondary. My heart can’t decide which one feels the most “right” for Remus, and my head can’t pick between, “But having him be the mirror of Sirius would be super cool” and, “I don’t know, though. Remus isn’t actually that much into beauty or socializing, so much as living and letting live, and only really fighting when he has to (because he’s fucking tired, you guys).”

PETER PETTIGREW: Everyone thinks he’s a Shrugstagram and to be fair, they’re partially right. But there’s a serious Laxdisick streak here, too.

LILY EVANS: Justitopia, with a Bluthyoncé secondary. (I’m not saying that James has a Type and that Type is, “some mix of Justitopia and Bluthyoncé,” but that is exactly what I’m saying because both of the people James Potter would gladly marry are exactly that thing I just said.)

SEVERUS SNAPE: Everyone thinks he’s a Laxdisick, and they’re partially right. But Snape’s desire to be left the Hell alone so he can just do whatever he wants (like playing with his chemistry set and studying the Dark Arts just because)? Yeah, that also screams, “Shrugstagram.”

MINERVA MCGONAGALL: No Chill Minnie McG is Laxdisick as Hell, with a Justitopia secondary.

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE: Laxdisick as fuck, with a bit of a Bluthyoncé secondary because they’re more willing to indulge him in his fondness for chamber music and ten-pin bowling, his weird excessive love of Muggle sweets, and all of the moments when he should just be a Deal With It gif.

TOM MARVOLO “LORD VOLDINGDONG VOLDEMORT” RIDDLE: oh my god, Laxdisick, I’m so sorry, but he literally does not fit anywhere else.

KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT: Justitopia with a Laxdisick secondary. His Laxdisick secondary is very closely tied with Bluthyoncé, though, because frankly, Kingsley could go literally anywhere but Shrugstagram. He is the absolute least Shrugstagram person ever.

NYMPHADORA TONKS: Bluthyoncé, with a Laxdisick secondary. It could go probably go either way between Laxdisick and Justitopia, but honestly, I think that, for all Tonks does care about social and political issues (she wouldn’t be in the Order otherwise), her behavior overall seems more like general go-getter-ness, rather than specifically protesting anything.

PANSY PARKINSON: Bluthyoncé, but with a hardcore Laxdisick secondary.

LAVENDER BROWN: The most Bluthyoncé person you will ever meet in your life. Also, the Best Bi. But that’s not really relevant to her being the most Bluthyoncé person you will ever meet in your life.

BLAISE ZABINI: Literally the only person who can challenge Lavender’s claim to being the most Bluthyoncé person you will ever meet in your life.

CEDRIC DIGGORY: Bluthyoncé, with a Justitopia secondary. tbh, with Cedric, it’s probably close enough that he could be in either of those Houses as his primary. I just feel like he’d choose Bluthyoncé over Justitopia because he cares about people and ideals, but he chooses people over ideals, when push comes to shove, and Bluthyoncé values people in a way that’s more in line with Cedric’s.

VIKTOR KRUM: Laxdisick, with a Shrugstagram secondary. He just wants to play his Quidditch and chill with some people who don’t treat him like a freak show for being famous, okay.

FLEUR DELACOUR: Bluthyoncé as Hell, but with a hella Laxdisick secondary.

BILL WEASLEY: Bluthyoncé, with a Shrugstagram secondary. I’m torn between that and a Laxdisick secondary for Bill, since he’s cool and all, but he’s also one of the only three known characters to have gotten all twelve O.W.L.s and he was a Prefect, then Head Boy. But his overall attitude still makes me lean toward Shrugstagram.

CHARLIE WEASLEY: Laxdisick, with a Shrugstagram secondary.

PERCY WEASLEY: Laxdisick as fuck, with a Bluthyoncé secondary that he would try so hard to deny, but oh boy howdy, it’s there.

FRED WEASLEY: Shrugstagram, with a Laxdisick secondary (because Fred is the one who asked Angelina to the Yule Ball by yelling at her from across the common room and masterminded stunts like dumping a bunch of experimental sweets in front of Dudley in the name of testing them on a human subject who had no ability to consent or not).

GEORGE WEASLEY: Shrugstagram, with a Bluthyoncé secondary (because George is the one, out of the two of them, who displays more emotional awareness and more sensitivity to the needs and desires of other people — like when he reminds Oliver that he’s a good player, too, and is more annoyed with Percy for making Molly cry than for “choosing the Ministry over his family”).

GILDEROY LOCKHART: Bluthyoncé, with a Laxdisick secondary.

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: Laxdisick, with a Justitopia secondary — look, I know it seems like I’m bagging on Laxdisick in all of this, especially right now, but I put her partially in my own House, okay?

Also, to explain: Umbridge is a social crusader in her own way. She crusades for things that are terrible and is, in many ways, a moral guardian who thinks that she knows what’s best for everyone better than they do (not unlike Dumbledore, which is why she totally should have been a Gryffindor, not a Slytherin, thanks much JKR) and genuinely believes that her way of doing things is The Best Way For Everyone’s Betterment.

Basically, just because she’s deplorable and vaguely fascist doesn’t mean that she doesn’t live by very Justitopian principles or in very Justitopian ways.

It’s the same principle as saying that being a Gryffindor does not mean that you are always in the right or even a good person, c.f. Peter Pettigrew, Cormac McLaggen, Romilda Vane, James “hey, Evans, I’ll stop bullying and publicly humiliating your friend simply because he exists and I’m bored if you go out with me” Potter, Sirius “I tried to straight-up murder this guy who pissed me off, in a way that would’ve gotten one of my best friends sent to Azkaban if not executed, and I still think of it as a silly prank that was totally hilarious Remus, shut up” Black, Molly and Arthur Weasley, and Albus “dude, let’s just say that he knowingly left a child in an abusive home so that he could raise said kid ‘like a pig for slaughter’ because that’s only the start of it but I’ve got other shit to do tonight” Dumbledore.

Like, you can be a crusader for something and you can care about social and political issues without necessarily being a good person or even caring in ways that line up with what most Justitopians believe, y’know what I mean?

However, two big things make her more of a Laxdisick primary, ultimately: 1. She cares more about using supreme executive authority to do what she wants and more about actually DOING things than about high-minded debate (whereas, in Justitopia, we would spend an entire day debating some shit and only end up deciding that we need to schedule another debate);

and 2. Frankly, she would choose Laxdisick over Justitopia, in the end. The Eaglecrest Sorting Hat might send her to Justitopia, but Umbridge would choose Laxdisick for herself if it did, because she wouldn’t want to be surrounded by the predominantly Left-leaning “rabble” in Justitopia.

REGULUS BLACK: Laxdisick, with a Shrugstagram secondary — though it could also be the other way around.

Like, let’s just get this out of the way: Regulus’s outrage at Voldemort that led to his death was not based in any moral objections; there is literally nothing in the text to suggest that he actually had a change of heart about Blood Purism, Pureblood supremacy, or anything like that. His outrage was based in, “Hey, you hurt MY House Elf, who is MY friend, what the Hell, that’s not cool, I will wreck your shit, you bastard.”

So, nope. Unlike his big brother, Regulus is not going to Justitopia any time soon. His deal comes down to being a mix of Laxdisick’s go-getting and concern for things like status and being Better Than You

and Shrugstagram’s desire for peace and chill that can frankly border on apathy (because Regulus is the quieter Black brother, the one who’s more likely to have told Sirius to stop making Walburga angry and go, “YOU’RE the one who’s making this home a toxic environment!” when Sirius stood up for himself to their abusive shit-bag supremacist parents, and who joined the Death Eaters because his family told him to and he wanted to make them happy)

ANDROMEDA BLACK-TONKS: Laxdisick, with either a Bluthyoncé or a Justitopia secondary. But the secondary House here could seriously go either way. I’d personally lean more toward Bluthyoncé, because frankly, marrying Ted and telling her family where to stick it does not inherently mean that Andromeda has the active concern for social and political issues that defines Justitopia, but it could go either way.

NARCISSA BLACK-MALFOY: Bluthyoncé, with a Shrugstagram secondary that she would try very, very hard to deny — but let’s face it: Narcissa only really cares about anything when it affects her, Draco, her sisters, and/or Lucius personally, in that order. She’s, like, the epitome of someone who just wants to lounge around with her #aesthetic fripperies and visit art galleries with a plan to buy the gallery, rather than buying the art, and wants you to know that she’s better than you, but in a way that’s too lackadaisical for Laxdisick.

BELLATRIX BLACK-LESTRANGE: Laxdisick. ……Yeah, that’s all I have to say about that.

SIBYLL TRELAWNEY: Shrugstagram, with a Bluthyoncé secondary.

ZACHARIAS SMITH: ……okay, this little shit might challenge James’s and Draco’s claims to being the single most Laxdisick to ever Laxdisick. Because……… no, seriously. He is so Laxdisick that it hurts.

ERNIE MACMILLAN: Laxdisick, with a Justitopia secondary. But Ernie is way more Laxdisick than Justitopia. Like, it’s there, but he’s still so painfully Laxdisick.

JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHLEY: Shrugstagram, with a Justitopia secondary — Justin’s secondary House is probably very closely tied between all of the non-Shrugstagram options. Like, I could see him telling the Sorting Hat, “Ugh, will you please just send me to that Shrugstagram one, this is getting really tedious” because there are decent cases for all of the Houses, and Shrugstagram would only win out because he’d get Tired of debating his Sorting instead of something better.

and okay, I’m getting bored and really do have other things to go do tonight, so I’m just gonna do three more in the name of pointless (and mindless) self-indulgence

EILEEN PRINCE: Shrugstagram with a Laxdisick secondary — and I will completely acquiesce that Eileen is pretty much entirely headcanon, but I don’t care. No one else loves Eileen, and JKR and Pottermore refuse to call her “Eileen Prince” while insisting on forever linking her to her abusive shit-bag husband by calling her, “Eileen Snape,” so screw it. If not even her creator gives half-a-crap about Eileen, then I’m going to love her ten times harder.

Eileen Claudia Prince is my cranky, snarky, perpetually exasperated, bisexual daughter with a permanent resting stink face and I love her. She’s totally done things wrong, but she does not deserve any of the shit that her gross-ass husband or her fuck-up son ever put her through (Tobias by being an abusive drunk, and Severus by fucking up literally everything).

Also, all of that nonsense on Pottermore about Minerva having a husband was full of shit. Everybody knows that Eileen and Minerva were girlfriends in school, then split up for a while, then got back together after Severus murdered his father and got away with it because Tobias was a shit-bag and no one cared enough to investigate his death.

Eileen and Minerva are girlfriends, do not listen to JK Rowling when she lies to you about either of them being heterosexual or about either of them only having one romantic love in their entire lives and it was some husband because of course it was, JKR can’t actually let any of that LGBTQ shit get all over her story, everything must be heteronormative af and boring because fuck you, she said Dumbledore was gay at Carnegie Hall that one time, ten years ago, what more do you want

……whoops, I got a bit Justitopia there for a second. I would apologize, but I’m not sorry.

So, anyway, as I was Sorting………

BARTY CROUCH, JR.: Bluthyoncé, with a Laxdisick secondary — okay, this is almost as headcanon as my Eileen Sorting, but not quite as much. The issue here is less a lack of canon, like Eileen, and more that there’s a decent amount of canon (at least, there is when you compare Barty to other minor characters in the series), but JKR and the text never take a firm position on any of it, which leaves it open to interpret him in a lot of ways.

Seriously, I’m not kidding.

I’ve loved this little bastard ever since the first time I read GOF, back in the summer of 2000, when it first came out. I’ve been in the HP fandom online for longer than some of you have been alive.

Granted, in a lot of fandom places, most people don’t remember that Barty even exists, and a lot of the people who do, only remember him for the sake of making painful Doctor Who jokes because David Tennant played him in the movie, or that classic, “Q: Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking? / A: Because it was making him Moody, har har!” line

(and seriously, these jokes are not funny anymore. They haven’t been funny for years. Guys, can we please collectively let it go)

But among the fans who actually deal with him, there are some WILDLY differing interpretations — from, “He probably wasn’t even involved in torturing Frank and Alice, he might not have even been a Death Eater in the First War and only turned because he went to Azkaban and almost died and then got kept on Imperius Curse house arrest (which is probably its own form of torture tbh), it’s all his stupid abusive dad’s fault” (which…… I disagree A LOT, but okay)

to, “He is seriously the cruelest and most heartless monster in the series, second only to Voldemort; he’s basically a sociopath, a completely terrifying sociopath with no soul, I bet the Dementor who Kissed him didn’t even taste anything” (I disagree with this one as much as I disagree with the other extreme, but for different reasons. Like, for starters, “Okay, but, ’sociopath’ is an outdated and functionally useless term, but if you mean antisocial personality disorder, then…… no, actually, his behavior does not really indicate that, but thanks for playing”);

and let’s not even get started on the Sorting, because I’ve seen arguments for all four Hogwarts houses with him and literally the only one that doesn’t hold water is Ravenclaw (because it’s literally just, “Well, his Father had that one line about him getting all twelve O.W.L.s and he’s a bonafide evil genius, I can’t put all the unsorted Death Eaters into Slytherin or people will say I’m hating, and I refuse to accept any interpretation of Hufflepuff that isn’t some reductionistic bullshit about how they’re all unimpeachable cinnamon rolls or acknowledge that Peter Pettigrew, canonical Gryffindor, was also a Death Eater — so, Barty gets to be a token non-Slytherin DE, and he has to be a Ravenclaw because of Reasons”)

—but they all (usually) have some kind of basis in the text (even if they take it to conclusions of which we can only say, “Well, you’re not wrong”

So, anyway. My interpretation of canon is that Barty Crouch Jr. would be a Bluthyoncé with a Laxdisick secondary (and frankly, it’s probably pretty close between them, with his Mama Demeter being a Bluthyoncé/Laxdisick and his Father being a Laxdisick/Justitopia), and I’ll probably explain why if anyone actually wants to know

But right now, I want to go do something different, so I’m gonna.

At least, I will once I sort……

RUBEUS HAGRID: Shrugstagram, with a Bluthyoncé secondary — because yeah, Hagrid’s all about being chill and super-cool and encouraging and supporting the kids, but he does appreciate beauty in his own way (as in, “He looks at literal dragons that could straight-up kill you if they felt like it, and he just marvels at how majestic and beautiful they are”) and he does have a party streak in him. So…… Bluthyoncé secondary. For real.

I’m done now.

You’re free.

Go on, go home, there is nothing left to see here.

Thank you for reading, okay, bye

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Munroe Bergdorf on the L’Oréal racism row: ‘It puzzles me that my views are considered extreme’ | Global

By 8.12pm on Sunday, Munroe Bergdorf is done in. It is a week since she was announced by L’Oréal as the face of True Match, a campaign that marries makeup to social justice, and three days since she was sacked unceremoniously. A BBC 2 producer is on the phone, talking to her about an interview with Victoria Derbyshire the next morning. “It has been the worst week of my life,” she tells him, trying to deflate the tension with a laugh. Prompted to explain why it has been so bad, she reels off “the death threats, threats of rape, threats of assault, people telling me to kill myself, the general bombardment and fear that something else will happen”. She pauses, then sighs. She hasn’t left her flat in days. “The most ridiculous thing is that you call out racism and they respond with more racism. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

Bergdorf, a 30-year-old, black, queer, trans woman who models and DJs, is no stranger to abuse and ridicule. Her very existence is subversive and threatening enough to the mainstream that a trickle of racist, homophobic and transphobic bile has become par for the course in her daily life on and offline – but now it has become a torrent.

As the Daily Mail reported it on Friday, “with a dizzying fanfare, she was brought in as the ‘face of modern diversity’. But days after she was announced as L’Oréal’s first transgender model, Munroe Bergdorf launched an extraordinary rant declaring all white people racist”. The story went viral, reported everywhere from Al-Jazeera to the New York Times.

“I’m trying to think of the best ways to get across what I actually said,” she tells me, over a picnic of French fries and apple Tango at her kitchen table.

Bergdof (left) DJing with Lina Bradford (centre) and Yasmine Petty in New York last November. Photograph: Drummond/BFA/Rex/Shutterstock

She explains that, the morning after the rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, where an anti-racist protester was killed by a white supremacist, she wrote a Facebook post in response to that event. “It was an epic three-parter about how racism is a social structure and how, if this is the case, what can you do to combat racism?” She says the post was deleted by Facebook for breaching its terms on hate speech; the racist, transphobic comments made about Bergdorf, however, were left up. (A Facebook representative said: “We haven’t yet got to the bottom of what happened to Munroe’s post”, but “we are looking into it.”) The post was then filleted for its most incendiary lines: “Most of ya’ll don’t even realise or refuse to acknowledge that your existence, privilege and success as a race is built on the backs, blood and death of people of colour,” she wrote. “Your entire existence is drenched in racism. From micro-aggressions to terrorism, you built the blueprint for this shit. Come see me when you realise racism isn’t learned, it’s inherited and consciously or unconsciously passed down through privilege. Once white people begin to admit their race is the most violent and oppressive force of nature on Earth … then we can talk.”

Unsurprisingly, Bergdorf made some people uncomfortable, made some people cheer and pissed off many others, including her mother, who is white and reads the Daily Mail. “That was an awful conversation. I’m half-white. My mum thought I was lumping her in with everyone, but this isn’t about individuals. To understand my point, you have to take yourself out of the conversation – it’s not about you – and truly think about society, structurally, economically, as a whole.”

But isn’t that the trouble? Lots of people won’t and don’t understand. Not everyone reads Frantz Fanon and Patricia Hill Collins for kicks – academic theory will only go so far in convincing the average person on an average street that institutionalised, systemic racism is just as damaging as a violent, racist attack.

“I don’t regret what I said,” she says, calmly. “I’m an activist. Being an activist means calling people out, not just saying what everyone else is saying and what everyone else wants to think and upholding the common consensus. L’Oréal knew that when they hired me.”

Bergdorf on ITV’s Good Morning Britain with Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid. Photograph: Ken McKay/ITV/Rex/Shutterstock

This isn’t provocation for provocation’s sake; Bergdorf knows there is no time to pussyfoot until everyone else catches up.

“I can wholeheartedly say that the dictionary definition of racism was written a very long time ago and not by a person of colour. It doesn’t allow us to have a conversation about modern-day racism. If you’re not aware of it, then make yourself aware of it. Racism isn’t just calling someone something, it’s a whole system. If you think we live in an equal society, you’re living in a daydream. You need to recognise that there is such a thing as white privilege and you can be homeless and still have white privilege, because you can still have a better chance of getting out of homelessness than a person of colour in the same position.”

Isn’t the problem that the language is outmoded? It’s hard to get people on board when “racist” is a loaded catch-all umbrella to describe everything from unconscious biases in the workplace to US neo-Nazis.

“We do have the language,” she says, “but it needs to be out there: unlearning, microaggressions, being complicit, unconscious bias, privilege – these need to be taught, we need to address why syllabuses only teach white history, we need to speak about slavery and the brutality of colonialism.”

Bergdorf’s speaking voice is an even-handed murmur; she pauses occasionally, apologising for what feel like rocks in her throat. Someone she knew from university, she says, sold the story to the Daily Mail and bragged about it.

She deliberately hasn’t seen friends or family since the story broke because “I need to deal with it without being told constantly ‘It’s going to be OK’, when who knows if it will be.” Her flatmate has been around and friends have rallied, but, for the most part, she has been managing alone, without an agent or a PR. She has four upcoming campaigns this year; three of her clients have yet to call her to confirm that is still the case. It is irrelevant, she says, because her principles will always come first.

“My body has always been political – the way people respond to my body has always been political, whether or not it was about gender or race,” she says. “I grew up in a white-majority area on the borders of Hertfordshire and Essex … but I’m mindful of my parents and giving too much away; they’re really worried.” She had a solidly middle-class upbringing, with one younger brother who is “straight and super woke and the first person I called”. Her dad is Jamaican and her mum is white English. “Dad was tough on me growing up as a very effeminate boy, but we’re very close now. Mum is feisty and super successful, heading up PR for a financial company.”

‘Dad was tough on me growing up as a very effeminate boy, but we’re very close now’ … Munroe Bergdorf. Photograph: Teri Pengilley for the Guardian

Bergdorf was horribly bullied at her all-boys school and beaten up. She says the loneliness she felt through her teenage years was intense. “I lived in my own head and in make-believe. I was obsessed with Cyndi Lauper – I still am. She gave me a lot of strength: that quote ‘On my darkest days I wear my brightest clothes’ is still true for me.” We laugh – today she is wearing sombre, black tights and a grey marl top; understandably, she is not ready for dressing up. “The mornings have been the worst, as my anxiety has been super high and it’s difficult to get up.” She shows me pages of abusive social media screenshots. “I didn’t get out of bed till 1pm today.” Isn’t it a form of self-harm, to put herself through it? “No, I need to know what’s going on so I can feel in control. And I’m resilient: I worked hard at it.”

Bergdorf studied English at the University of Brighton. “I guess I was genderqueer, but there weren’t really the words to express my identity – I just started wearing makeup and heels.” A three-year career in fashion PR followed university before she “crashed and burned”. When she decided to transition at 24, she also learned how to DJ so “I could be myself, self-care and make money. Needing that time and space to yourself is why a lot of trans girls fall into sex work, because the process is expensive and the money is reliable”. She sighs. “Trans women of colour are being killed at an alarming rate.” When she was transitioning, she says the average life expectancy for a trans woman like her was 30. “At the time, I thought: ‘That’s only a few years. I should be speaking about this.’”

Bergdorf was raped during the period she was transitioning; she reported it to the police, but the attacker was never found. She took even more strongly to activism. “It wasn’t just standing up for rights that were my own,” she explains. “Islamophobia, antisemitism, anything I saw that I didn’t think was right, I would protest or post. I think that’s the stance everyone should take: if white people protested and worked to dismantle racism … I would have loved to have seen the reaction around Brexit from liberals with racism. If people rallied around issues that don’t affect them as well ones that do, we’d be getting shit done.”

Bergdorf built an audience – and influence – within the LGBT community, partially through DJing. “It was the best investment. I was 25, got loads of gigs and it felt like it was what I was always meant to do. I had a lot of fun. I was a complete wild child and went off the rails and did all that rock star shit.”

Despite cabin fever, and stressful breaks to deal with her buzzing phone, Bergdorf is warm, smart and charming; on meeting her, you can understand how she has made the connections that have built her career. A shoot for a couture Lebanese Muslim collection was her first modelling gig; campaigns with Illamasqua and Boy London followed.

She was shopping on Thursday afternoon when L’Oréal called her about the story the Daily Mail said it was going to publish. “I kept explaining the context and the full post and they wouldn’t listen. They said not to go out and not to talk to anyone.” In a statement, L’Oréal said, without irony, that it “supports diversity and tolerance towards all people irrespective of their race, background, gender and religion … we are proud of the diversity of the ambassadors who represent this campaign. We believe that the recent comments by … Munroe Bergdorf are at odds with those values and as such we have taken the decision to end the partnership with her.”

L’Oréal’s key ambassador, Cheryl Cole, was found guilty of assault for beating up a black nightclub toilet attendant, but evidently that doesn’t conflict with the company’s policies. (Cole was cleared of racially aggravated assault.) Clara Amfo, a Radio 1 DJ and a L’Oréal True Match ambassador, quit the campaign in solidarity with Bergdorf, partially in protest at the hypocrisy of the situation.

“It puzzles me that my views are considered out of touch and extreme,” says Bergdorf. But it is an argument from which she can’t run. “I said no three times to Good Morning Britain,” she says. “But then I thought: ‘This is what you’re meant to be doing and this is a conversation that needs to be had. A lot of people are relying on you.” On Monday morning, her conversation with Piers Morgan goes as we discussed it would the evening before: Morgan asks if he is racist, says he is offended at being considered racist or sexist and shuts down Bergdorf. “The split between support and hatred has been about 50/50,” she says later that day. “On the one hand, it’s amazing, but it is horrible and awful to think that people hate me.”

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