#okay its in Minecraft blocks so its not *that* horror

[monarchetype]

me playing Wynncraft, finally reaching the Silent Expanse: haha eldritch nightmare realm watched over by an unblinking eye, what is this, the Magnus Archives Season 5?

me getting further into the Silent Expanse: oh wow an eyeball forest, very Ceaseless Watcher lmao

me entering a cave called the "Eyeball Gauntlet" where you enter differently themed eyeballs and kill corresponding enemies to drop eyes of ender items named "Crying Eye", "Digesting Eye", "Shading Eye", "Dyeing Eye", "Fearing Eye", "Dreading Eye", "Blinding Eye", "Stalking Eye", "Watching Eye", "Infecting Eye", and "Bleeding Eye":

[sillysaurus]

☆ about me ☆

𓈉 ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

૮꒰˶ᵔ ତ ᵔ˶꒱Ა ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

☆ this is my agere blog sfw/nonsexual!!

☆ u can call me lucario, silly, or nothing tbh

☆ i am a boy, he/him

☆ big/bio age: 18

☆ permaregressor (?)

☆ autism, trauma, and mental illness'

☆ furry, kidfur, agerefur (whatever the sfw term is)

☆ other: aroace, gay/mlm, greyplatonic, physically disabled, punk, metalhead

☆ i post all kinds of agere content (no specific aesthetic), art, picrews, game content, cartoon content, plushies, rare irl pics, headcanons, mood/stim/outfit boards, i take requests! but please make sure to say whether its agere/petre related or not (and add some details!)

☆ kins and comfort characters

☆ posts where i give information/talk about myself/experiences/regression/vent will be tagged #personal , if you'd like to know more about me <3

☆ my instagram is si11ysaurus (my username everywhere is either sillysaurus or si11ysaurus)

☆ agere school project sideblog @agere-school and oc sideblog! @burger-bugpup

things i like!!

૮꒰˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶꒱Ა ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

☆ blue! 🫐💙🩵📘🌀💤

☆ dinosaurs and prehistory 🦕🦖

☆ animals! favs: marine (especially jellyfish and cephalopods) and bunnies, i also really like pigs🐾🐇🐷🐛🦑🐡🪼

☆ outer space 🧑��‍🚀🌙🪐💫⭐️🚀🌠

☆ stuffies 🧸

☆ clowns/clowncore 🤡🎪🎟️🎭🎡🎠

☆ puppets, costume performers, animatronics

☆ puzzles, legos, toy food, trains, construction cars, monster trucks 🧩🚂🦕🥣🚜

☆ halloween and other spooky things 🎃🍭🦇🍿🌑🍫🕸️🍬🧟‍♂️

☆ alternative styles/aesthetics ♠️⛓️🖤

☆ weirdcore and liminal spaces 👁️🍄🖼️🔆

☆ coming of age movies/tv shows/books

☆ games: animal crossing (PC ID is 1209 6237 701), stardew valley, slime rancher, cookie run, pokemon, minecraft, my singing monsters, twisted wonderland

☆ tv: craig of the creek, rugrats, the nightmare before christmas, tmnt, clarence, curious george, octonauts, bubble guppies, summercamp island, spookiz, spongebob, alvin and the chipmunks, KND, kindergarten the musical, metalocalypse, criminal minds, we bare bears, the BFG

DNI (do not interact)

૮꒰ - ༝ - ꒱ა ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

if u are/if u interact with nsfw/kink of any kind: ddlg, abdl, ageplay, etc. post/reblog smut or anything like that

proshippers, radqueers, transID, pedos, zoos, lolisho

bigots, conservatives, capitalists, the phobes

if u have triggering themes on ur account: gore, s/h, e/d, excessive blood, etc. (agere content about horror sources is okay!)

if u interact anyways/ur account makes me uncomfortable in a way thats not listed, i will just block you

BYF (before you follow)

૮꒰ ˶> ༝ <˶꒱ა ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

please don't swear/curse on my blog

i wont put religious people on my DNI but i do have the tags blocked and i probably wont follow u if u post about it, please dont sent any religious requests

if u happen to find my main/find out who i am, please dont share (im closeted)

i am a blunt and aloof person, so i might not seem kind but i promise im trying my best to be!

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

🐇 🐰 💙 👑 🔇 🚹

[slimebiock]

buzzfeed unsolved enjoyer since brent and ryan were sitting in a car doing buzzfeed unsolved here. worth it enjoyer since the first episode got posted here. type of guy who was involved in the early days of the bfu fandom here.

i need you all to take a breath. maybe its because after i drifted from the buzzfeed fandom and went my own way while still watching their content, i went to minecrafters, who are actually evil people, and learned the true horrors of parasocial behaviour, but i dont care for any of this.

‘its all steven’s fault’ okay. weird comment. have you watched a single making of watcher, or paid attention to any of the podcasts or content that isn’t ghost files? no? alright so when you do that i’ll listen to your ten page essay argument where shane madej is painted as a victim of his evil capitalist friends.

‘the content is worse now anyways i miss unsolved’ good news you actually dont have to watch content you dislike out of this weird sense of devotion or parasocial behaviour. you can stop putting your white man on a pedestal. you can consume content normally and healthily.

i dont know how to explain to some of you freaks that content creation is labour. i dont know how to tell you that this decision was long hinted. they want to be free of contractual obligations from sponsors. they want to own their content and have it be theirs. they want to produce and create, because that is who they have always been. do you think they all started at buzzfeed purely to make Youtube videos for the rest of their lives?

you are not watcher. you dont own watcher. you are just here, like i am, witnessing all of this. your opinions do not matter, because last i checked half of you have made it very clear you don’t even watch the content you’re currently saying isn’t good enough or isn’t worth it.

and yeah, okay. whatever. its six dollars a month. maybe its because i work full time while juggling rent and utilities and groceries and a phone bill, but that just means i maybe dont go to a cafe once during the month ? and for the international fans i do hope they figure out how to make pricing fair and reasonable. but for the western fans acting if they were shot and killed by steven lim personally? do me a favor and remember you’re part of this issue.

its popular to be angry right now, and so you are. i get it. ive been around this block a thousand times before. but i genuinely hope a lot of you realize that the behaviour this has sparked is strange. these are human beings capable of mistakes, but you do not own them. you never have!

c’est la vie. content creators disappoint. move on.

[c-swirlz]

When I’m Graced by Your Presence (I Couldn’t Care)

Summary: Ranboo’s arrival on the SMP catches the attention of a mischievous Avian, who promptly drags him into a life of crime, pranks, and various other shenanigans.

Or: Five times Ranboo is ‘unwillingly’ dragged into Tommy’s mischief, and one time he embraces the chaos. Characters: Tommy, Ranboo, Phil, Techno, Wilbur, Jack Manifold, Sneeg, Tubbo Relationships: O!Alliumduo Warnings: None Notes: This fic was written for Fire on Ice (who’s AO3 can be found here) as part of The Writer’s Block Secret Santa! Credit for the title goes to AlexTwisted; their AO3 can be found here. [AO3 link]

In Ranboo’s humble opinion, based on what he’s seen, the stories he’s been told about the Overworld do very little justice to the realm and its unique beauty. The lush greens and soft blues are a stark yet welcome contrast to the deep purples of his home realm, and many things he finds are completely new discoveries, having never been allowed to venture beyond the End.

Then, of course, there’s the rain. The bane of any Enderian’s existence, as it’s basically their worst enemy falling from the sky. It doesn’t exist in the End, but there are many horror stories surrounding its deadly nature towards those who are not accustomed to it. Ranboo is grateful he doesn’t have to deal with it to the extent he would if he were out alone in the wild, and that’s thanks to one man: Philza Minecraft, who found him and brought him along to the SMP; a place where Origins live together without issue – for the most part.

The SMP is a big place. So, Phil proposes a tour.

“That floating island in the middle is the Pube,” Phil explains as he and Ranboo walk up to the edge of a large crater, a waterfall in the centre leading up to a building sat atop a floating rock of some sort. “The name was Wil’s idea. Tommy wasn’t too happy with it at first, but he warmed up to it pretty fast.”

Ranboo’s brow furrows, and his head tilts slightly to the side, like a wolf in the presence of a bone. Noticing his confusion, Phil smiles, chuckling quietly.

“Sorry— Wilbur and Tommy are my kids. Phantom and Avian. They’re little shits, just as a warning, but I’m sure you could just teleport away if they annoy you or something.”

“Uh huh.” Ranboo nods slowly, not really paying attention as his gaze drifts over to a nearby bush, which is rustling an awful lot despite there not being much wind. Then, a mop of dirty blond hair pops out, followed by a pair of piercing blue eyes staring into Ranboo’s soul. Goosebumps begin to prickle all over Ranboo’s skin, and he quickly glances away, taking in a steady, soothing breath before looking back over, pointedly directing his gaze off just slightly to the side.

The boy glances down at something Ranboo cannot see, and a moment later, his communicator buzzes.

TommyInnit whispers to you: You’re new

Ranboo blinks. Tommy. This must be one of the kids Phil mentioned, unless there’s somehow multiple people with the name Tommy running around. However, judging by the few feathers he can see through the leaves, he’s confident that this is indeed Phil’s child. Well, one of them, at least.

You whisper to TommyInnit: Yep. Name’s Ranboo

TommyInnit whispers to you: yes ik I can see your name on the comm dipshit

Ranboo huffs amusedly. If these messages are anything to go by, this kid has one hell of a sharp tongue, and he can’t quite determine whether that’s good or bad.

TommyInnit whispers to you: Anyway come over here will you??? And don’t let phil see you

Ranboo sighs quietly, pocketing his communicator and turning back to Phil, who is now looking at him expectantly.

“Uh…” Ranboo’s ears press against the sides of his head, and he glances far off to one side. “Could we, um… pick this back up a little later? If that’s okay? I… just remembered I have something I need to do, a-and it’s really urgent.”

For some reason, Ranboo has this nagging feeling that suggests he doesn’t expect Phil to believe him. But he does. Rather than express scepticism regarding his sudden departure, he instead smiles, assuring Ranboo that he can contact him whenever he wants to resume the tour. He waits for Phil to turn and begin walking away before he teleports over to the bush, appearing right beside Tommy, who leaps out of the foliage with a shriek. His wings puff out, and his eyes grow to the size of saucers. Ranboo isn’t entirely sure what the expression means, but he feels it’s appropriate, as Tommy’s eyes are indeed very wide.

“Fuck, I forgot you guys can do that,” Tommy mutters, exhaling sharply. “Why the hell do Enderians get all the cool abilities—”

Ranboo crosses his arms, and his ears twitch. It takes several seconds, but Tommy eventually notices and clears his throat awkwardly before planting his hands on his hips, jutting out his chin. In response to this, Ranboo simply raises an eyebrow, but Tommy doesn’t waver.

“Anyway, you, my newcomer friend—”

“We aren’t friends—”

“—seem like the perfect person to help me with some of my devious plans.”

Ranboo’s brow furrows. “And by ‘devious plans’, you’re referring to…?”

Tommy throws his hands up into the air, holding his head high. “Pranks, of course!”

There’s a beat of silence, and Ranboo swears he hears the faint sound of crickets chirping somewhere off in the distance. After a moment, Tommy drops his arms and they flop down to his sides, while his head lowers to an acceptable angle. Evidently taken aback by Ranboo’s lack of a response, he steps forward, clasping his hands together in front of him.

“Sooo, you’re gonna help me, right?”

Ranboo rolls his eyes, though he’s somewhat relieved this kid doesn’t seem to want to murder anyone, and instead just wants to play harmless jokes. Murderous tendencies are very common in the End, though he personally has never seen the appeal of killing others simply for your own amusement.

“Absolutely not.”

Tommy’s expectant expression almost immediately shifts into one of confusion and very subtle anger. “Ay?!”

“We literally just met,” Ranboo explains, as if that’s not already painfully obvious. “I haven’t even been properly shown around yet, and yet there’s this tiny chicken wanting me to be his partner in crime.”

Much like a fish, Tommy’s mouth opens and closes several times without a single sound escaping. His hands fall back down to his sides again, curling up into fists which tightly grasp handfuls of his shirt.

“Right, first off, fuck you.” Ranboo raises an eyebrow, unfazed. “Second, I’ve just decided you don’t get a choice in this situation.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, dickhead.” Before Ranboo can protest, Tommy lunges forward and grabs one of his arms. The tactile contact with his skin means he’s unable to teleport away, and so he’s forced to allow this child to drag him in the vague direction Phil went when the two of them parted ways just minutes ago.

Ranboo will be honest; this isn’t how he expected his first day here to play out at all.

“Alright, now if I know Philza Minecraft – which I do – he’s definitely fucked off to some random-ass cave to get diamonds.” Tommy’s grip on Ranboo’s arm loosens for a brief moment, and Ranboo takes the opportunity to free himself from his grasp, scowling.

“Well, if that’s the case, then how do you expect to find him?”

Tommy smirks, pulling out his communicator and tapping something out. A few seconds later, it buzzes, and Tommy grins.

“Very easily, my Enderian comrade,” Tommy says, pocketing the device. “Phil just sent me his coordinates.”

Right, Ranboo forgot that’s a thing. “Ah.”

Tommy hops forward, frantically beckoning Ranboo to follow. “C’mon, we gotta find him!”

Reluctantly, Ranboo trails behind Tommy as they start walking again, his ears hanging low. “What’s your plan once we find him, exactly…?”

Tommy giggles, glancing over his shoulder. “Wanna know a secret?”

Ranboo raises an eyebrow, suspicious. “Sure…?”

Tommy looks back in front of him, and Ranboo focuses his gaze on the white and red feathers protruding from the kid’s back. They’re rather dishevelled, but not in such a way which indicates a lack of preening. Rather, it seems as if the wings have grown out in a very awkward manner. It’s unlikely they’re suited for prolonged flight.

“Phil’s biggest weakness…” Tommy pauses, presumably for dramatic effect, “is baby zombies.”

Zombies. Ranboo has heard of those; mobs which resemble deceased persons walking. He has yet to encounter one, but the stories he’s heard assure him that defeating it will be a rather easy feat. He’s heard very little about their baby counterparts, but he knows better than to underestimate anything in this world.

“Because I like him,” Tommy continues, “we aren’t going to do anything too extreme. We’re just gonna sneak in and pretend some of those little fuckers are coming to kill him.”

I doubt he’d believe you. “And how exactly are you planning on pulling that off?”

“Oh, I’ve done shit like this a lot. You just imitate the mob where they can’t see you and they freak the hell out.”

Okay, that… kind of makes sense, Ranboo has to admit. However…

“This seems like it’d just be a one-man job, though. Why am I getting dragged into this?”

“Because pulling pranks alone is boring, and nobody wants to help me anymore. You get sick of the isolation after a while, trust me.” Tommy then comes to an abrupt stop, causing Ranboo to almost bump into him. In front of them is a small cave, lined with stone. Ranboo can hear the faint sound of running water echoing within, and a shiver runs down his spine.

“This is it.” Tommy leaps towards the entrance, his wings slowly flapping to give himself some additional airtime. Ranboo lines himself up to follow, teleporting just beside Tommy’s landing zone. This is Ranboo’s last chance to back out, but he gets the feeling the kid wouldn’t allow it. He supposes he can tolerate Tommy for just a bit longer, and then he can get back to finishing the tour – assuming Phil doesn’t disown him after this – and establishing his place in the community.

“Let’s get this over with,” Ranboo mutters, and the two of them step into the cave. Immediately, Ranboo is overwhelmed by a plethora of sounds he doesn’t recognise, and he stares into the infinite darkness which greets them. Suddenly, light floods the area, and Ranboo turns to see Tommy holding a torch. Without a word, he bounds forward, and Ranboo continues to follow. An indeterminate amount of time later, they arrive at an area which appears to have been deliberately dug out, and as the two of them turn a corner, Phil comes into view, back facing them as he rummages through a chest haphazardly placed on the ground.

Tommy’s eyes are practically sparkling.

In Ranboo’s opinion, it’s absolutely for the wrong reasons.

“I suddenly regret letting you drag me into this.”

Tommy doesn’t respond, and Ranboo realises he’s moved forward, and is now slowly creeping towards Phil. Ranboo opens his mouth, either to stop Tommy or warn Phil – he isn’t too sure himself, but Tommy acts before he gets a chance to intervene. Faux groans and snarls echo through the cave system, though they’re not as deep as what Ranboo has been told zombies sound like. Well, Tommy did mention baby zombies specifically, so that isn’t too surprising. He’s simply imitating the youths of the species.

Phil flinches, almost dropping the armful of logs he’s retrieved from the chest. “Fucking— Christ, Tommy.” He tosses the logs aside, turning to face the boy. “Jesus, how many times do I have to tell you not to do that, you little shit—”

Tommy is in hysterics. Ranboo watches from afar, utterly perplexed. His confusion only grows when Phil starts laughing too. When the laughter eventually dies down, Phil ruffles Tommy’s hair, chuckling. “Alright, alright, you got me. I’ll admit, your impression is getting better, Tom.”

Ranboo hears a faint gasp. “Really?”

“Mhm, though I’m not sure whether I should be proud or scared.”

Tommy snorts, and there’s silence for a beat.

“Oh, by the way, you haven’t been bothering Ranboo, have you? I know how you get with new people…”

Tommy freezes, and Ranboo notices his body tense up. “Uh—”

“You did, didn't you.”

“…Yes.”

Treating the response as some sort of cue, Ranboo teleports into view. As if expecting his arrival, Phil simply smiles, while Tommy is visibly fighting to hold in another bout of laughter.

“For the record,” Ranboo starts, “I did absolutely nothing.”

“Yeah, because you’re a prick,” Tommy mutters, squawking indignantly when one of Phil’s wings smacks him upside the head.

“You’re such a dick to people, Tom,” Phil says, but the words lack any malice. He looks at Ranboo, though diverts his gaze slightly from his eyes, which he appreciates. “See what I meant when I said he’s a little shit?”

Ranboo huffs out a laugh. “I’ll be honest, I may have underestimated his, uh… determination.”

Phil wraps a wing around Tommy, pulling him close. “As expected, he takes after his big brother. Both of you are persistent as fuck.”

“Fuck off, it’s a talent.”

“Whatever you say.”

Ranboo suddenly feels very awkward. This… isn’t how he expected this prank to go. At all. Would this even count as a prank? It honestly felt more like some sort of troll. Clearly, Overworlders are much stranger than he initially assumed.

On a related note, he gets the feeling that, for the duration of his time here, he will be witnessing many more feats of TommyInnit, the Prank Master.

Tommy’s hypothetical words, not his.

“There appears to be a child skulking around my farm.”

Ranboo looks up from his inventory interface, just in time to catch the approach of a very grumpy looking Bunny. Over their shoulder, Ranboo can see the impromptu carrot farm set up on the outskirts of the SMP, and it doesn’t take him long to notice a familiar face hiding out in one of the trees.

“I take it this is typical Tommy behaviour?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Ranboo’s communicator buzzes, but he ignores it. “Good to know you’re quick to catch on.”

“I’ve been here a week; I’d like to think that’s enough time to get to know the people here, Techno. Plus, I had an encounter with him on my first day, so I’m well aware of his, uh… antics.”

“Ah, that’s right, Phil mentioned you got dragged into his mischief not long after you got here.” Techno chuckles. “Happens to the best of us.”

Ranboo’s communicator buzzes again.

“You should really answer that.”

It buzzes twice more.

“Yep, okay— Yeah, I should.”

He retrieves the device from his pocket, dismissing the interface in front of him as he pulls up the recent messages.

TommyInnit whispers to you: Ranboo TommyInnit whispers to you: answer me dickhead TommyInnit whispers to you: lure techno away TommyInnit whispers to you: I wanna mess with his shit

“Judgin’ by the look on your face, I’m guessing it’s Tommy.”

Ranboo nods. He isn’t surprised Techno can tell; he’s been told on numerous occasions that he has a very readable face. Whether that’s a compliment or an insult, however, he has no idea.

Techno sighs, but Ranboo catches a glimpse of a faint smile playing about his lips.

“Well, lucky for him, I have to go meet Scott. Said I’d help him with somethin’. Unfortunately, it involves leaving my precious carrot farm vulnerable to attack, but alas, this is how it must be.”

How subtle, Ranboo thinks, though he chooses not to comment. He simply watches Techno walk away, half expecting him to turn back and wink just to add the cherry on top of his very obvious scheme. Unfortunately for Techno and his noble sacrifice, Ranboo absolutely does not want to be dragged into any more of TommyInnit’s shenanigans.

He glances down at his communicator again.

TommyInnit whispers to you: wow that was fast TommyInnit whispers to you: idk what you did but it worked so I’m not complaining TommyInnit whispers to you: won’t force you to help out this time I just need you to pretend you never saw me TommyInnit whispers to you: I’ll kick your ass if I find out you snitched though

Ranboo’s been given an out. Unlike last time, he isn’t being forced to participate, and he gets the feeling Phil’s scolding — could it be considered that? — in the mine contributed to that. All he has to do is walk away and deny that he ever saw Tommy anywhere near Techno’s carrot farm.

However, the pull of curiosity is a powerful force.

You whisper to TommyInnit: what’re you planning on doing exactly??

A response comes through moments later.

TommyInnit whispers to you: replacing the carrot seeds with potato seeds TommyInnit whispers to you: had a stash lying around

Ah, Ranboo thinks, how convenient.

TommyInnit whispers to you: anyway run along now boob boy you don’t wanna be caught with the dirty crime boy while he’s on duty ;)

Ranboo’s nose scrunches up. Boob boy? What kind of nickname is that? He can’t possibly let this blatant slander slide, so, as Tommy floats down from his amateurish hiding spot, he teleports to the boy’s side. Tommy flinches, but doesn’t descend into a blathering mess of swears and other profanities, which… could be seen as some form of growth? Maybe? Whatever, it doesn’t matter.

“What’re you doing?” are the first words out of Tommy’s mouth, his brow furrowing in what Ranboo recognises all too well as subtly masked scepticism. It’s a valid question; Ranboo isn’t too sure what he’s doing himself. Unlike last time, he’s been given the opportunity to walk away, and yet here he is, chasing this crime-obsessed child by choice.

He shrugs. “Keeping you company, I guess.”

“Why?”

“Dunno — Guess I’m just kinda curious about what stunt you’re gonna pull this time around.”

“Huh.” Tommy blinks. “After last time I almost thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong I still don’t; I’m literally only here to see what you do to Techno’s farm. Like I said, it’s pure curiosity, don’t read into it.”

Tommy snickers under his breath, biting his lip to hold back full-blown laughter. “Alright…”

“I’m serious.”

“Whatever you say, boob boy.”

Choosing to ignore the nickname this time around, silently hoping it doesn’t stick, Ranboo follows Tommy over to the farm. He wrinkles his nose as the potent stench of damp dirt wafts up his nostrils, and he opts to watch from afar as Tommy gets to work, but not before being instructed to, “Keep an eye out for Techno, will ya?”

The operation only takes a few minutes, which comes as little surprise to Ranboo. It’s literally just replacing seeds in a field; it isn’t exactly anything glamorous. Per Tommy’s request, he keeps an eye out for Techno, though he doubts they’ll be caught.

“Ranboo!”

Ranboo squints against the midday sunlight, searching for Tommy who turns out to be a few paces away from the farm, looking as if he’s about to break out into a sprint.

“It’s done.” He grins, beckoning Ranboo towards him. “Let’s get outta here before anyone sees.”

Ranboo nods, teleporting to Tommy’s side. The two of them begin walking away from the scene, and then Ranboo’s communicator buzzes, because of course it does.

Technoblade whispers to you: yeah you two aren’t subtle at all

He can’t help but agree.

If Ranboo has learned anything since he arrived here, it’s that meetings at the Pube can get loud. Everyone gathered in one place creates a rowdy atmosphere by itself, but if you add unending idle chatter on top of that, the environment becomes borderline unbearable. Phil tries his hardest to reign in the chaos, but that normally takes up to ten minutes purely because everyone is caught up in their own personal conversations. This time, however, he seems to have given up on those feeble attempts. Ranboo can’t blame him.

“No, Tommy, listen— I know you’ve been through my shit. Don’t try to deny it; I know you’re the only one who’d have the balls to do it right under my nose.”

“Wilbur! I would never lay a finger on any of your precious belongings. I’m offended you’d accuse me of doing such a thing.”

“You are so full of shit—“

Ranboo glances over towards one of the far corners of the room, and, lo and behold, Tommy is there, arguing with a partially translucent man. Based on what he’s been told, he can safely assume this is Tommy’s brother, Wilbur.

“Uh–” Ranboo approaches the two, but shrinks back when both of them turn to look at him, their stares seemingly burning into his very soul. His ears press against the sides of his head, and he swallows the lump that has lodged itself into his throat. “Sorry, um– Am I interrupting something?”

What a stupid question; of course he’s interrupting something. For the love of Jean, the two of them were literally just arguing, or at the very least having a rather heated conversation.

Tommy waves a hand in his general direction, dismissive. “Just my beloved big brother accusing me of terrible crimes.”

“Yeah, except you absolutely committed them. Now hand over my stuff, muggle boy.”

Ranboo plants his hands on his hips, huffing out an exasperated sigh as the two of them continue to bicker. 

Brothers.

“I don’t have your shit, Wil! Look–” Tommy opens his inventory interface and shows it to Wilbur, who examines it closely. From Ranboo’s angle, he can’t see anything of substance; just some bread, a water bucket, a few stacks of cobblestone, and a set of tools.

“This is bullshit – I bet you’ve stashed it somewhere–”

“Okay, okay,” Ranboo interrupts, stepping between the two, “settle down, boys.”

To their credit, Tommy and Wilbur do step down, but not before throwing one last scathing glare at each-other.

“Now,” Ranboo pinches the bridge of his nose, “what’s got you two fighting like this? Phil’s already got enough on his plate as it is, so if the need arises, y’know, maybe I can help.”

Without uttering a word in response, Wilbur crosses his arms, closes his eyes, and drops through the floor. Tommy shrieks, and subsequently begins cursing up a storm when Wilbur rises up behind him and grabs him by the shoulders.

“This dirty crime boy,” Wilbur says, shaking Tommy from side to side, “stole from my stash of precious valuables right under my nose.”

“I did not!” Tommy shoves Wilbur off. “Don’t listen to him, Ranboo; I’d never do such a thing to my dear brother.”

“You can deny it all you want—“

Wilbur proceeds to rant on and on; Ranboo quickly stops listening. Glancing towards Tommy, he sees the kid staring at him with enlarged eyes, his lips quivering way too much for it to be genuine.

Is he seriously giving me the puppy-dog eyes right now?

This isn’t a court of law; Ranboo shouldn’t have to step in to defend Tommy on his behalf. The kid has proven he’s more than capable of handling himself in much worse situations than a petty fight with his brother, but he suspects this is yet another one of his schemes.

It’s another example of an opportunity to walk away he doesn’t take.

“Y’know, Wil,” Ranboo interrupts, raising an eyebrow as a mischievous smile plays on his lips, “I’m pretty sure you went rummaging through Tommy’s blocks the other day. Probably isn’t my place to say this, but…”

Wilbur’s eyes are wide as saucers.

“I dunno—“ Ranboo shrugs. Time to deliver the final blow. “Maybe this is karma for your crimes.”

Tommy loses his shit. Wilbur looks like he’s just taken psychic damage, and for the first time since Ranboo approached, the man seems genuinely lost for words. Tommy barks out a laugh, eliciting confused and mildly irritated stares.

“I— Wha—” Wilbur glances between Tommy and Ranboo, helpless. “You’re siding with him?”

“You’re damn right he is!” Ranboo flinches as Tommy claps him heartily on the back — likely because he’s too short to reach his shoulders. “That’s what you get for stealing my blocks, fucker.”

Wilbur is unimpressed.

“I actually hate you.” There is no malice behind his words, and Tommy simply sticks his tongue out at him. Wilbur rolls his eyes and fondly ruffles Tommy’s hair, confusing Ranboo greatly. Weren’t they literally just fighting?

Oh, right, he thinks. Brothers.

Wilbur flicks Tommy on the back of the head, dropping through the floor again when he yelps. Tommy scrambles to grab him, but has no luck. He and Ranboo fall silent, not making a sound for several seconds until Ranboo pipes up.

“Well.” Ranboo blinks. “That was… a thing.”

Tommy snorts. “Can’t believe you actually managed to shut him up. Pretty sure you just saved my ass, big man.”

“Yeah, sure— Okay, I have to know; did you seriously steal stuff from him?”

Tommy’s eyes twinkle. The expression is all too familiar.

“Technically, no.” He glances around, and his voice drops to a whisper. Ranboo has to lean in to hear him over the chatter. “I made Shelby do it.”

Ranboo’s eyes grow wide. “Shubble? How’d you manage that?”

“Bribed her with food for Nunubu,” Tommy responds.

“That’s all?”

“The fuck’s that mean?”

“I dunno.” Ranboo shrugs. “I guess I assumed she’d want something more valuable.”

“Yeah, but she wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to fuck with Wilbur by asking for something I couldn’t deliver.”

“...Fair enough,” Ranboo responds.

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the Pube, a floating Jack-o-Lantern sits in a corner, its gaze fixed on the Avian and Enderian. A feminine giggle emerges from it, the subtle reverberation bouncing off the wooden walls. A translucent body fades into view, and long, dark brown hair billows out from their headwear. They remove the Jack-o-Lantern, revealing bright yellow eyes which shine much like the sun. Upon pocketing the item, they begin toying with something else from their inventory; something that doesn’t necessarily belong to them.

Shubble has made the advancement [Diamonds!]

“Ranboo!”

Jack Manifold’s shout catches Ranboo off guard. The bucket of milk in his arms almost topples to the ground, but after fumbling for a brief moment, he manages to catch it before any of the liquid has the opportunity to spill out.

“Ah shit, sorry mate,” Jack says as he approaches. “Forgot you startle easily.”

Ranboo shakes his head, smiling. “Nah, don’t worry about it; you just surprised me. What’s up?”

Jack huffs, planting his hands on his hips. “Someone’s gone rummaging through my stuff and stole three whole stacks of blaze rods. I feel like I’ve interrogated half the server; nobody’s fessing up.”

Ranboo begins gnawing on the inside of his cheek, and his ears droop. “Oh man, that– That sucks, man.”

Jack’s brow suddenly furrows. Ranboo opens his mouth to inquire as to what has prompted the sudden change, but then the man leans in uncomfortably close, looking just off to the side of his eyes.

“It wasn’t you who stole my shit, was it?”

“Wha– no!” Ranboo takes a step back, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. “No, of course not.”

Without breaking his gaze, Jack nods. “Okay.” He returns to an upright position, a comfortable distance away. “In that case, I want you to come with me.”

“Why?”

“Well, interrogating people alone hasn’t exactly been working out for me; I feel I’ll need some backup.”

Oh, joy.

“Sure, I guess. Not sure I’m your best option though…”

“Don’t say that.” Jack grins. “You’re plenty good.”

Ranboo doesn’t respond, but he feels his cheeks warm instantaneously with the comment.

“Now, I’ve already talked to Shelby and Scott,” Jack mutters, seemingly to himself. “Phil’s been supervising Sneeg all day, and I’d like to think Tubbo and Wil know better than to touch stuff that isn’t theirs…” He throws his head back, groaning. “Shit.”

“Uh—“ Ranboo takes a step forward. “Isn’t it possible someone might’ve been lying? It’d probably be more effective if we, y’know, actually went through their stuff to make sure.”

Jack’s eyes light up. “You mad fucking genius; you’re right!” He rushes forward and grabs Ranboo’s forearm. “C’mon, let’s get going while nobody’s home.”

Albeit reluctantly, Ranboo allows himself to be dragged across the SMP by Jack, stumbling several times as he frantically attempts to get his own two feet beneath him.

Eventually, they end up at Tommy’s house. Jack finally releases his vice-like grip on Ranboo’s arm and proceeds to make a beeline for the building without saying a word. Ranboo hurriedly follows, silently praying Jack is right about nobody being home. Thankfully, when they enter, all is quiet.

“Alright,” Jack says, “here’s the plan. I’ll go have a peek in Tom’s chests while you keep a lookout and let me know if anyone’s coming.”

Ah, so he’s the surveillance guy. Typical. He steps into the main room, leaning up against a nearby wall just as his communicator buzzes and he spots a flash of blond hair in his peripherals.

TommyInnit whispers to you: sup bitch TommyInnit whispers to you: look up

Ranboo rolls his eyes at the messages, though he supposes he should’ve expected this. He looks up and immediately finds a face peering down at him from the rafters.

“Hi, Tommy.”

Tommy’s eyes widen, and he urgently presses a finger to his lips, gesturing to the communicator strapped to his hip before reaching for it again.

TommyInnit whispers to you: dont tell jack im here TommyInnit whispers to you: lure him in

Ranboo decides not to question how the hell Tommy got up there. Honestly, he doesn’t really want to know.

“Right, so this child has literally nothing of value, good to know–”

Jack emerges from somewhere else in the house, coming to a stop in the doorway. Out of the corner of his eye, Ranboo sees Tommy slink back into the shadows, unseen by those not specifically looking for him. “Think I can safely say Tommy didn’t take any of my shit. Unless he has some sort of secret stash…” Ranboo thinks he remembers Tommy mentioning something like that recently, but the uncharacteristic desire for chaos urges him to keep quiet. Instead, he says something else.

“Hey, Jack… can you c’mere a sec?”

Jack’s brow furrows. Yes, even Ranboo himself knows how blatantly suspicious this is, but he doesn’t exactly have a plethora of options for luring the guy over, especially considering he has no idea what Tommy plans on doing to him.

Several seconds pass, and Jack doesn’t move, his arms now crossed loosely over his chest. He raises an eyebrow, and Ranboo, slowly running out of cares to give, decides to take more of a direct approach; just to move things along. He teleports behind Jack, grabbing his shoulders, and as Jack begins shouting profanities and attempts to wriggle out of his hold, he, with great effort, pushes him into the room.

“Oi, you cock! What’re you–”

Water abruptly trickles down from the rafters, suspiciously close to where Tommy has been hiding. A few droplets land on Jack’s head, and he shrieks. Ranboo leaps back to avoid the assault, watching the man’s scalp begin to literally steam with the amount of water it’s being exposed to. Some of the water runs down his face, and Ranboo has to bite his tongue to hold back a laugh as Jack starts squirming on the spot, feebly attempting to mask his pain.

“That’s what you get for trespassing, bitch!”

Jack’s nose screws up. “What do you mean?!” he squawks, wincing as he wrings the water out of his damp hair. “Ranboo’s here too, you dick; why are you targeting me?!”

“Ranboo’s got special clearance,” Tommy responds, jumping down from the rafters and planting his hands on his hips. “Unfortunately for you, Jack Manifold,” he says, retrieving his communicator and tapping at it idly, “I don’t seem to have you on the list.”

Jack’s jaw locks, and his eyes grow wide with raw, unbridled rage. “Since when was there a list–”

Ranboo half expects the man to erupt, much like a volcano, but Tommy steps forward before things can escalate any further, throwing an arm around Jack’s shoulders. He’s biting his bottom lip, hard enough to the point that Ranboo can see the tiniest amount of blood trickling from a small wound. The quiet wheezes he can hear makes him suspect Tommy is making an attempt not to descend into hysterics, which is honestly very valiant of him considering one wrong move could cause Jack’s emotions to spill over.

“Don’t take it personally, big man.” Tommy pats Jack’s shoulder with his free hand, which Ranboo doesn’t really get considering Tommy’s other arm is already around his shoulders. “It was just a harmless prank. Needed some entertainment, y’know?” He sticks out his bottom lip. “You forgive me, right?”

Jack sighs, his simmering rage seeming to trickle out of him all at once. Ranboo, demoted to an idle observer, watches with his head cocked to the side. He’s a little worried Jack won’t forgive Tommy, considering how furious he looked just a moment ago, but he finds himself to be proven wrong when Jack’s expression softens. He places a hand on Tommy’s head and proceeds to ruffle his hair, grinning.

“Oh, I suppose. I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t.”

Tommy barks out a laugh, eyes alight with joy. “Damn right you wouldn’t!” Then, he locks Jack into a loose headlock, and that is the catalyst for the playful fight which follows. Ranboo doesn’t get himself involved; there isn’t a need to. Instead, he continues to watch from afar, smiling.

He stays there until the ‘battle’ ends, several hours later.

Ranboo never thought he’d see the day he would be willingly spending time with TommyInnit, but he supposes there’s a first time for everything. No words are being exchanged; they’re simply sitting on the edge of the island which the Pube sits upon. Ranboo actually finds it oddly relaxing.

“Hey, Ranboo…”

Oh no.

Tommy looks over at Ranboo, eyes twinkling. “It’s been a while since we did something together.”

Ranboo cocks his head to the side, brow furrowed. “Aren’t we doing something right now…?”

Tommy hugs his knees to his chest, resting his head on his arms. “Yeah, I guess– but I meant something a little more exciting.”

Oh no.

“Tommy, no–”

“Tommy, yes.” Tommy grins. “C’mon, you’ve been my partner in crime for too long to back out now!”

Ranboo frowns. “I feel like I’m being manipulated.”

“Oh, you absolutely are,” Tommy says, stretching his legs out and lifting his arms above his head. Once he’s finished stretching, he snaps his fingers a few times, brow furrowed in thought. “Now who would be a viable target…”

Ranboo speaks up without thinking. “I don’t think Sneeg’s gonna be too busy today.”

Tommy beams, his eyes practically shining. Ranboo physically recoils, his ears pressing against the sides of his head. He shouldn’t have said anything.

“Perfect.”

Ranboo’s lips twitch. “You’ve already got a plan, haven’t you.”

Tommy leaps to his feet, puffing out his chest. “Indeed! A very simple one, in fact.”

“Oh?”

Tommy snickers, glancing around for a moment before whispering, “We’re gonna fill Sneeg’s secret tunnel system with lava.”

Ranboo blinks. “Sneeg has a secret tunnel system?”

“Yes, because he’s a little shit who has this weird obsession with living in people’s walls.”

Ah, that makes perfect sense.

It really doesn’t, but Ranboo doesn’t feel like questioning it any further, so he lets Tommy do his thing. The boy runs off, disappearing into the Pube for several seconds before returning with a bucket of lava in his possession, an evil grin growing on his face.

“Wha— Did you just have that lying around?!”

“…Yeah?” Tommy responds, as if that kind of thing is normal.

“...Understandable, have a nice day.”

Tommy barks out a laugh, yelping when the lava starts sloshing around in the bucket. He takes a moment to steady it, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when the liquid settles. Ranboo giggles to himself, but abruptly cuts himself off when he feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. This is followed by a low, ominous voice ringing out, right in his ear.

“The fuck was that, chicken boy?”

Tommy screams. Out of the corner of his eye, Ranboo spots a tiny man sitting on his shoulder – how the hell did he not notice Sneeg was here sooner. Sneeg hops down and approaches Tommy, craning his neck upward to look him in the eyes.

“Where the hell did you come from?!”

“I’m always watching,” is Sneeg’s response. Ranboo hauls himself to his feet as Tommy and Sneeg initiate some sort of scuffed staring contest for literally no reason, and Tommy makes absolutely no effort to hide the blatant evidence of his and Ranboo’s plan to basically commit arson on Sneeg’s tunnel system.

“That’s great and all, bud, but Ranboo and I are kinda busy. So, if you could kindly fuck off–”

Without warning, Sneeg rushes forward, attaching himself to Tommy’s ankle. Caught off guard, Tommy lifts his foot and begins hopping around, shaking it furiously in a feeble attempt to throw the tiny man off. Eventually, he stumbles, and Ranboo’s heart drops into his stomach when he topples over, falling off the island. For a very brief moment, he forgets Tommy is capable of negating the consequences that typically accompany a fall from an extreme height.

Ranboo teleports down to where Tommy fell, and finds himself a witness to Tommy, an Avian, somehow being overpowered by an Inchling. An Inchling.

“Ranboo–” Tommy yelps as Sneeg tugs on his hair, cackling, having climbed up onto his shoulders. “Ranboo, help–”

“Thought you’d be able to get away with pranking me, huh?!” Sneeg grins maniacally. “I know you, Tommy. I knew you’d target me eventually.” He tugs on Tommy’s hair again, hard.

“Ow– Hey, Sneeg, listen–” Another tug. “OW– C’mon, man, easy on the hair! I’m sorry, alright?!”

Sneeg cackles again, clearly enjoying this moment of power. “Say it like you mean it, Tommy–”

Ranboo rolls his eyes, supposing he has to intervene at some point. Careful to remain out of Sneeg’s sight, he teleports towards Tommy, gesturing for the boy to remain quiet as he reaches for the Inchling perched on his shoulder. He contemplates grabbing him, but decides he’d rather not have his fingers bitten. Instead, he simply holds his forefinger behind his thumb, flicking Sneeg away the moment the opportunity presents itself. Tommy releases a long breath, and his muscles visibly relax ever so slightly.

“Thank you, Ranboo,” Tommy breathes, rolling his shoulders and rubbing the back of his neck. “Jesus, I thought he was gonna kill me–”

“Great idea – I might just do that!”

Tommy screams again, pointing. Brow furrowed, Ranboo follows his finger, spotting Sneeg rushing towards them.

“I think we should run,” Ranboo murmurs.

Tommy nods. “Yeah– Yeah, we should. If I’m going to die, I don’t want it to be at the hands of Sneegsnag.”

The two of them start running, and Sneeg immediately proceeds to chase them down. Ranboo realises they don’t have an end location in mind, but chooses not to waste his breath asking. They’ll figure it out on their feet. They run past several landmarks Ranboo doesn’t have the opportunity to admire, and it feels like Sneeg chases them across the entire SMP. Eventually, Ranboo looks over and notices Tommy is looking rather fatigued, sweat dripping from his brow and his face pale.

“Hey,” Ranboo says, slowing when he confirms the coast is clear – for now, at least. “You good?”

Tommy comes to a stop beside Ranboo, placing his hands on his knees as he wheezes, coughing to the point he gags. “Yep. Yeah, I’m– I am just peachy.”

Ranboo raises an eyebrow, and one of his ears twitches when a nearby bush rustles. With Sneeg right on their tail once again, Ranboo comes to an impulsive decision. He turns so his back is facing Tommy, crouching slightly.

“Hop on.”

Tommy straightens, blinking. “What?”

“C’mon, just trust me. Hop on, and we’ll go hide in Wilbur’s potion store.” His voice drops to a murmur at that last part, and he hopes Sneeg doesn’t somehow pick up on it.

Tommy doesn’t argue any further. He pulls himself up onto Ranboo’s back, and Ranboo hooks his arms under the boy’s legs to prevent him from falling.

“Hold on tight, okay?” Ranboo smiles, shifting his grip slightly. “I’m not coming back for you if you fall off.”

“For the record I’ll never forgive you if you drop me.”

“I’m not gonna drop you, Tom,” Ranboo says, laughing. “Not on purpose, anyway…”

As if on cue, Sneeg leaps out from the bush nearby, and Ranboo runs. Ironically, Tommy is light as a feather, making it remarkably easy to navigate the SMP in such a way that Sneeg struggles to keep up the pursuit. Tommy cheers, laughing as he wraps his arms loosely around Ranboo’s neck. Though he can’t see him from his angle, Ranboo can tell Tommy is smiling from ear to ear.

“Vamos, loyal steed!” Tommy shouts. “We’re almost there!”

At this point, Ranboo gets the feeling Sneeg has given up, but he makes a beeline for Potions and Just Potions regardless.

“Holy shit,” Tommy breathes when they finally reach their destination, detaching himself from Ranboo and leaning against a nearby wall. “Holy fucking shit.”

The two of them are quiet for a moment, catching their breath while birds sing in the distance. Eventually, Tommy giggles. Then Ranboo giggles. Seconds later, the two of them descend into hysterics. It gets to the point where Tommy is wiping tears from his eyes and Ranboo is clutching his stomach, grinning to the point that his cheeks ache.

“Oh my god,” Tommy wheezes. “Shit, that was– That was fucking great.”

Ranboo nods, struggling somewhat to take in adequate oxygen. “Sneeg looked so mad.”

Tommy slides down the wall, stretching out his legs to the point that he’s almost laying on the floor. “He did.” He then takes several deep breaths – most likely to compose himself, his face flushed. “Probably gonna have to watch my ass for the next few days.”

Ranboo takes a seat next to Tommy, nodding. “Yeah, probably.”

“Might need a bodyguard or some shit.”

“I’m not being your bodyguard, Tommy.”

“Fuck.”

“Sorry.”

“...Oh well, at least I still have my lava bucket. Self defence, innit?”

Okay, note to self: Obtain a stockpile of water buckets, ASAP.

Tommy has been oddly quiet lately. He still involves himself with the day-to-day happenings of the SMP, but it feels… wrong, somehow. Ranboo knows he isn’t the first to notice, as he sees Tubbo’s knowing expression out of the corner of his eye as the boy wanders past, head hung low and eyes dull.

“Is he… okay?” Ranboo turns to Tubbo, who shrugs, frowning as he lowers himself to the ground where he’s been hovering.

“Not sure. This hasn’t happened for a while.” Tubbo crosses his arms loosely over his chest and begins chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Might just be a bad day, but I feel weird making assumptions.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“Of course. He didn’t really have a whole lot to say, though. I guess he just wants some space.”

Ranboo doesn’t press any further. Tubbo has known Tommy much longer than he has; he trusts his judgement. However…

“I’m gonna check on him. Y’know, just in case.”

Tubbo releases a long, slow breath, nodding. “Yeah, that’s— That’s a good idea, big man. Honestly, he might even open up to you more, considering you two have been practically joined at the hip these past couple of months.”

…Yeah, Ranboo supposes he only has himself to blame for that. He isn’t complaining, though; Tommy’s company makes a lot of things rather entertaining.

He turns to walk away, watching as Tommy rounds a corner in the distance and removes himself from his view.

“Um—” He turns back to Tubbo, whose lips are slightly parted. They press into a tight line, and he inhales sharply through his nose. “I’ve already told him, but… let Tom know we’re worried about him, yeah? I’m worried about him.”

Oh, Tubbo is far too wholesome for this world.

“Yeah.” Ranboo nods, smiling. “Yeah, I will.”

Tubbo grins, and Ranboo sets off in the vague direction Tommy was walking. To make the trip just a bit quicker, he teleports forward every few steps, and eventually, he reaches the crater surrounding the Pube. Perched on the edge, swinging their legs idly into the abyss below, is–

“Tommy!”

Tommy visibly flinches, glancing over his shoulder with a furrowed brow. Ranboo approaches slowly, kneeling down to the boy’s level before carefully placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Ranboo murmurs, “you alright?”

Tommy shakes his head, hugging his knees to his chest and looking back out towards the Pube.

“Tubbo’s worried about you.”

“He’s always worried. He’s a clingy bitch.”

“Don’t say that,” Ranboo scolds. “He’s your friend; he cares about you. He just wants to make sure you’re okay.”

“You’re my friend too.”

“Yeah, but— That isn’t the point. Not the point—“

Tommy snorts. Ranboo smiles.

“Anyway,” Ranboo continues, pulling away and standing. “What’s got you feeling so down today, Tom?”

Tommy shrugs. “Dunno. Just an off day, I guess.”

Ranboo nods, humming sympathetically. He places his hands on his hips. “I get you; those kinds of days suck. Anything any of us can do to help you feel a little better?”

Tommy shrugs again, and Ranboo begins gnawing on his lip. He doesn’t want to leave Tommy alone while he’s feeling like this, but he has no idea what he could do to possibly brighten the boy’s mood—

Wait.

Disregard that previous statement he has the perfect idea.

“Hey.” Ranboo kneels down again, nudging Tommy. “Come with me for a sec? I want your help with something.”

Tommy sighs, but it’s loud and very much exaggerated. He hauls himself to his feet, running a hand through his frizzy hair. “If I must,” he says, jutting out his bottom lip. Ranboo laughs, motioning for Tommy to follow him as he turns and begins walking away. Tommy jogs to his side, glancing up at him with curious eyes, which Ranboo is just now noticing are rather red.

“Where’re we going?”

“Tubbo’s house.”

Tommy almost chokes.

“If you don’t want to talk to him right now, I’m not gonna make you.” Tommy breathes a quiet sigh of relief. “I just thought doing this would make you feel a bit better.”

“Doing what? You need to be a little less cryptic, boob boy.”

Ranboo’s ears twitch, and he smirks.

“We’re gonna mess with Tubbo.”

The way Tommy’s face lights up upon hearing those words brings about a warmth in Ranboo’s chest; a sensation he welcomes with open arms. The boy then proceeds to attach himself to Ranboo’s arm, grinning up at him.

“That I can get behind.”

Ranboo smiles, glad that Tommy already seems to be doing better than he was when he found him. He gently pries Tommy off of him and ruffles his hair fondly, placing a hand on his hip and pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. “C’mon then. If we’re lucky, he’ll still be home.”

There are no objections, so the two of them return to Tubbo’s home on stilts, pointedly ignoring the gaping hole in the adjacent mountain, which appears to have grown impossibly larger. Standing on the porch, no Tubbo in sight, Ranboo turns to Tommy. The boy simply blinks, confused, but Ranboo continues to stare expectantly. Tommy isn’t stupid; he’ll catch on.

“Wait— Don’t tell me I have to come up with the plan?”

There it is.

“You’re the boss,” Ranboo says, shrugging. “Guess I figured you’d have some better ideas than me.”

Tommy’s eyes are comically large. Ranboo almost laughs, but for the sake of the kid’s dignity, he refrains, waiting patiently as Tommy’s brain kicks into gear.

“…Yeah I’ve got nothing.”

“Seriously?”

“Being my best friend, Tubbo is my go-to for epic pranks. Unfortunately, this means he’ll probably be prepared for anything I throw at him – and I mean that both physically and metaphorically.”

Ranboo’s brow furrows in thought. “Right, okay–”

There’s the sound of a door opening nearby, and Ranboo is pulled into the shadows as Tubbo steps out of the house. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to be having that conversation right outside the guy’s front door.

Ranboo and Tommy watch as Tubbo runs his hands through his tangled hair, not stopping until it has been adequately brushed. His wings start flapping rapidly, and with a loud, piercing buzz, he takes off, flying away from the house. Once the sound has faded into the distance, the duo emerges from their hiding place.

Wonder where he’s going.

Dismissing the thought, Ranboo looks over at Tommy, smiling. “I think that’s our cue.”

Tommy’s brow furrows, and he blinks. “Huh?”

Ranboo plants his hands on his hips, smirking. “I think I might have an idea, but we’ll need to head inside.” Noticing Tommy’s confused expression shift into one that is almost entirely blank, he frowns. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, y’know. You– You can let me know if you wanna back out–”

“No.”

Tommy’s response is abrupt. Afterwards, he has more to say. Ranboo doesn’t interrupt.

“N-No, I– I want to do this. I want to do it with you.”

“You get sick of the isolation after a while, trust me.”

Something finally clicks. Since Ranboo arrived on the SMP, he hasn’t seen Tommy pull a single prank by himself, nor has he been informed of this occurrence by others residing on the SMP. He’s always dragged him along.

Ranboo is vaguely aware of the concept of instincts, and the fact that they exist in both Mobs and Origins alike. He figures these things may be related. One can only handle isolation for so long, especially when they encounter someone with whom they find themselves to grow to trust deeply.

This explains so much.

“Okay,” Ranboo says. “Yeah, alright– We’ll do it together, yeah?” Tommy nods. “Cool. We shouldn’t take too long; I genuinely have no idea when Tubbo will be back.”

The two of them duck inside the house, Tommy making sure to close the door behind them. He sticks close to the door while Ranboo ventures further into the house, searching for something they could use to their advantage in order to catch Tubbo off guard. There isn’t a whole lot of note; just a few chests, a pile of barrels in a corner, and the starting foundation of some basic furniture. Not a whole lot they can work with.

Ranboo looks back over towards the door, where Tommy has begun browsing through his inventory. Squinting, Ranboo spots something interesting in the boy’s possession as he scrolls.

“Hey, Tom?”

Tommy hums.

“Mind if I steal that bucket of milk from your inventory?”

Tommy looks up from the interface, cocking his head to the side. “Sure…?” He retrieves the bucket from his inventory and hands it to Ranboo without a word, who gestures for Tommy to move away from the door before approaching it himself.

“What’re you–”

“Just trust me,” Ranboo says, glancing over his shoulder at Tommy and winking. “Tubbo won’t see this coming.”

With a bit of work – and some precise placement, Ranboo eventually manages to successfully craft a simple door trap, the bucket of milk he has ‘borrowed’ from Tommy poised to fall onto the next person to walk through the door to Tubbo’s house. This kind of trap has many flaws, of course, but it’s the first thing Ranboo came up with, and he’s confident Tubbo won’t expect it, just as he told Tommy.

Of course, there’s always the possibility that Tubbo won’t be the one who comes through the door…

“Tommy.”

“Yeah?”

“Shoot Tubbo a message, will you? Give him a reason to come home fast; I don’t wanna risk someone else triggering this.”

Tommy has already pulled out his communicator, and throws a thumbs up in Ranboo’s general direction as he types. “Already on it, big man.”

“Cool, thanks.”

After the message is sent, and Tubbo confirms he’s on his way, Tommy and Ranboo are left waiting for several minutes, which Tommy insists feel like hours. The two of them lounge around on impromptu chairs made from oak stairs, scrolling idly through message history and the depths of their inventories, until eventually, they hear the approach of a familiar buzzing. Acting quickly, Ranboo grabs Tommy, pulling him aside to hide behind the pile of blocks they’d placed down in advance, giving them a perfect view of the show while remaining concealed from view.

There’s a muffled, “Tom?” from outside, and Tommy begins snickering. Ranboo nudges him, shushing him quietly despite also being close to laughing himself. Tommy bites the inside of his cheek, wincing when he seems to bite down just a little too hard.

“Tom?” Tubbo calls again, and the door swings open. “Tom, are you–”

Right on cue, the bucket falls, landing exactly where it was intended to: Onto Tubbo’s head.

“Ah!” Tubbo stumbles backward, fumbling with the bucket as he moves to pry it off. He is eventually successful, and, after throwing the bucket aside, brushes his sopping wet hair out of his eyes. Beside Ranboo, Tommy rolls backwards, a laughing fit much like the one back in Potions and Just Potions quickly overtaking him. With Tommy incapacitated, Ranboo takes it upon himself to retrieve an axe and chop the blocks away which make up their hiding place. Meanwhile, Tubbo watches with wide eyes, his expression a mixture of both bewilderment and rage.

“Motherfuckers.”

Tommy’s laugh becomes impossibly louder; infectious to the point that Ranboo has to allow himself to have a little chuckle just to prevent a descent into hysterics.

“Fuck you guys, seriously,” Tubbo says, though there is no malice behind his words. “I’m gonna have to go shower now, you dicks. That’ll be the fourth time this week–”

Tubbo storms off into another room, muttering to himself the entire way, and Tommy cackles, his laughter slowly dying down after that. “Oh, fuck,” he breathes. “I forgot how great this feeling is.” He looks up at Ranboo, who has gotten to his feet and is currently brushing the stray dust off his clothing. The two of them lock eyes, and oddly enough, Ranboo doesn’t feel the irritation he and his fellow Endermen experience when faced with direct eye contact with those not of their kind.

Tommy grins. “Thanks, Ranboo.”

“For what?”

Tommy sits up, shrugging. “I dunno– lightening the mood, I guess. I’d probably still be wallowing in my own sadness if you hadn’t come along. Even if it was at Tubbo’s request.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know I volunteered.”

Tommy laughs. “I know, I know, I’m just fucking with you.” He hauls himself to his feet, wrapping his arms around Ranboo from his side. “But seriously, thank you.”

Ranboo gets the feeling he’s thankful for more than just today.

He keeps quiet about that, though. He wouldn’t want to embarrass his friend.

[selamat-linting]

anyway, i read a lot of homestuck last night. im currently on act 5 act 2. it was A Lot so i had to sleep it off and divide my commentaries into several parts just so it could sound coherent

-i've heard a lot about how this is the golden age of homestuck. some even told me to just skip acts 1-4. i guess in terms of sheer quality and the variety of media involved in it, its true. the flash games are of higher quality and has a lot of blatantly important lore. the trolls and the beta kids finally try to find an even footing together. jade is finally in the game. everything is coming together. but personally, i miss the simplicity of act 1-4. its really hard to keep up who's who and whats going on right now. and, i read this AFTER homestuck is over. i dont have fellow theorists pointing out details i might have missed. im not done but im due for a reread

-the art also undergoes rapid switching between one styles to the next. i miss the cutesy armless art tbh, but its okay. right now i think we have at least four art styles at play. the anime-ish style, where everyone is drawn with proper arms and body proportions, the hyperdramatic style with a bit too many details in the face, the armless simplistic art from the first chapters, and something introduced from the troll walkthrough game: the 8bit chibi art. the switch seems to be almost random but i did find that the more a character is deep into the building blocks and the doom of the game, the more they are drawn with the hyper dramatic facial experession. best example of this is aradia who is already overwhelmed with hopelessness and doom before the trolls even know theyre going to play a game that ends the world.

-and speaking from a fandom perspective, i've always wondered why people who be attached so hard to homestuck characters. esp how some was elevated into the tumblr sexyman/woman status. like, yes they are well written, interesting characters, but they are also tiny little funko pop looking bug children. why the bishification? okay its true that people can like even benedict cucumberpiss and those block people from minecraft so terrible appearance doesnt protect your characters from being animefied but. its still weird yknow. its not like homestuck is serious half of the time. but then i see the flash video where most of the plot important bits happens and then i get it. hussie occasionally drew the kids in the style that makes teenagers think "oh dang they're cute?". especially karkat! that scene where he woke up on prospit for the first time. he looks like a shonen protagonist in a sports anime. scrawny but feral and determined enough to fight god.

-and the troll walkthrough. oh its gorgeous. must took forever to make. i love how everyone is drawn, i love the simple puzzles, and its such an effective way to explain the dynamics between each member of the group, adding future hints of how the story will progress, explaining what the fuck just happened, and adding more tension and horror. what gets me the most was terezi's playthrough. we could see a bright future of her, where she wears a cute dragon plushie and her human friends are vandalizing her wall, and then there's a cutesy option of sleeping in a pile of junk that suddenly brings you to game over. reminding you that yes, this threat is serious. it gets even scarier after you watch the squiddles end theme where we get the first horrorterror appearance. its very scary

-also, the troll kids could create the universe, make use of impessive machineries, and bring a fuckload of toys. yet none of these kids have proper beds in their base. they just plop to the floor and nap. theyre such kids lol

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

scott smajor dragging me into the empires fandom via the unsettling and continuous Threat of being the one to destroy everything he loves with an eternal frost that he can't control

[sparkycinnamon]

Finally making an introduction post!

Thought it was the time to make an intro post, so:

Hi! I'm Pipes, though you can also call me Cheesy, Right, or Spark! I'm a non-binary autistic oriented aroace who likes reading, cartoons, drawing, and writing.

Pronouns (in order of preference):

They/them

She/her (only if we're close)

It/its

Xey/xem

Ae/aer

Fandoms (bold indicates a current hyperfixation/special interest):

SpongeBob

Object shows

Bugsnax

Kirby

Roblox

Minecraft (just the normal game, I'm not interested in any of the SMPs or whatever)

Amphibia

Gravity Falls

DuckTales (2017)

Big City Greens

The Ghost and Molly McGee (as you can tell I really like Disney Channel cartoons)

Cookie Run

My Little Pony (mainly FIM, but also some of the older generations)

Alphabet Lore (and some of the parodies of it)

The Jell-O Wobz

Dead End: Paranormal Park (up to season 1)

The Amazing World of Gumball

KaBlam! (particularly the Henry and June segments)

Hey Arnold!

Animator vs. Animation

The Amazing Digital Circus

Music artists I like:

I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Lemon Demon

Tally Hall/Miracle Musical

Louie Zong

Glass Animals

Set It Off

Caravan Palace

Diviners

Two Door Cinema Club

Some other things I like (again, bold indicates a current hyperfixation/special interest):

Food (especially candy)

Retro commercials and snacks

Analog horror and ARGs

Bugs (especially ants and dragonflies)

Webcore/“old web” aesthetics

Worldbuilding

Different alphabets/letters/languages

Lost media (especially cartoon/internet-related lost media)

I have far too many AUs, and far too many OCs.

I'll block you if you're a bigot, proshipper, or NSFW blog (I'm a minor). Just be a decent person and we're cool, okay?

Other stuff:

I don't curse very often, but if I do, it's probably because I'm really ticked (expect me to swear a lot in my vent posts too). Either that, or I’m doing it “for the bit”. I do reblog posts with swear words in them a lot, though.

DM me if you want my blacklist so you can tag stuff so I don't see it (I'll only give it to people I trust though)

As I said in the beginning of this introduction post, I am autistic and have trouble understanding text, so please be patient with me and use tone tags as much as possible! /gen

My rambling tag is #right hand rambles, my art tag is #look at my art boy, and my writing tag is #i write sometimes.

Other, less common tags I use are;

#right hand's attempts to be funny (for textless memes)

#right hand spitballs au ideas (for aus that don’t have names yet, aus with names will have a tag with their name instead)

#adventures in objectopia (for object oc stuff)

If you need something tagged or I forget to tag something for you, please tell me.

Also, I'm white and I really don't want to offend anyone, so if I say something bad, or I reblog something bad, please tell me! /gen

Please don't ask me to RP out of nowhere. /nm

This blog is SFW, but I may occasionally reblog posts that could be seen as suggestive. If you don't want to see that, please block the tag "suggestive".

I'm okay with adults interacting with me, but I'd prefer that you don't DM me if you're an adult unless I know you already/we're mutuals/I DM first.

All my posts are okay to tag as kin/id/me!

Other than that, please feel free to interact with me! I don't bite, I promise.

[patheticpat]

The Slime-tro

Basic Knowledge

> Hi, my names Corduroy! You can also call me Roy, Cordie, or Dev!

> I use They/Ae/Ze/He + Sli/Slime neo’s and a lot more as seen here: https://en.pronouns.page/@PatheticPat

> I am 20 - just for it to be known.

Fandom-Related Interests

Minecraft! > I mainly build and explore when playing! :D > Sadly due to some of the major fucking issues on the YT side community, it’s killed a good amount of my love for the game however I still like it, just not as much or the way I used to!

In Stars and Time > I have mental illness and it’s this games fault! /j > lol anyway, I am obsessed. I genuinely could not tell you who’s my favorite or anything literally the whole game and cast are fucking amazin, talk about a game that literally rewrote my brain the whole time I played it-

Legend of Zelda > The first game I ever actually finished was Breath of The Wild > I don't know which of the two my first game actually was, though I do know it was one of the Four Swords games! > I was playing through Link's Awakening, Tears of The Kingdom, and A Link to the Past, before being sidetracked by life, like usual

Slay The Princess > This game straight up murdered and revived me multiple times? Hello? Is that not illegal? /j > Tower is my favorite number 1 princess and I can and will be shameless about it >:3c > Other favorites do include literally the inter rest of the cast though

Stardew Valley > Anyway wanna hear me lose my mind over Elliott or Krobus? No? Okay your loss lol

Terraria > I have over 175 hours in the game and I got it a little over a month ago, do you think I'm fucking okay?

Deep-Sea Prisoner/funamusea > Don’t get me started I will and can talk peoples ears off about how much I am in love with her stories and characters

A Hat in Time

Hollow Knight

Cult of The Lamb

Slime Rancher

Hermitcraft

Modded Minecraft

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Skullgirls

RPG Maker Horror Games

Five Nights at Freddy’s

Bolded Text means its one of my main interests as of me editing this.

Italicized Names mean I still have a small interest/am watching them, even if I’m not as interested in a particular thing they were in before

Other General Knowledge

The Header Belongs to - https://skulldrils.tumblr.com/

The Profile Picture is from The Witch route in Slay the Princess! :)

I reblog content I'm not into. Ace Attonery? Some random new anime that's probably super popular but I've never heard about? Yeah, if I've never watched(and or played) but I think the post is funny or cool, I'm reblogging it. Does it mean I'm going to go check the actual media out its self tho? Probably not. It's only happened once and I intend to keep it that way. (It happened again, but still!)

I block a lot, I will block due to DNI's to An Annoying Post(s) to I Just Got A Bad Vibe. A variety of reasons! Now, Don't ask why, as 9 times out of 10 I won't remember why I blocked you. I however, will trust my past judgement and won't unblock you, So Please Don't Ask.

I do draw! It just takes a long time for me to finish pieces!

I Swear A Lot, if that’s something that makes you uncomfortable, I would suggest not following me or blocking me

I barely tag, If you need me to tag something, just ask and I will try to do it within reason.

> The Post about blocking frog content best explains it, here it is

> However, Under No Circumstance am I going to tag for usage of the word Queer or When I Swear. For the latter, refer to the fourth bullet point in this section, for the former... just fucking no. Just block me and save yourself the trouble.

Sorting sorting sorting, I enjoy sorting my (tagged) posts out. If your confused as to why there's multiple (seemingly redundant) tags on a post that you think only needs one, that's why. My brain can't figure out which one to tag it as, so I'll save myself the trouble and use them all.

> Examples: Slimer.WIP, Slimer.SKETCH, Slimer.POST on one art post.

I am a shipper, and in fact, a multi-shipper! There’s no end to combinations thus there's no end to my ships :)

“Why slime?” Because slimer be sliming!

Tagging System w/ some notes

> #Slimer.POST -> My Post Tag -> Uncommonly used; but here nonetheless > #Slimer.REBLOG -> My Reblog Tag -> I only really use this tag when I'm reblogging something and have something additional to say. Up in the air if I actually say it though. > #Slimer.Art -> My Art Tag > #Slimer.WIP -> My Work In Progress Tag > #Slimer.SKETCH -> My Sketches Tag -> I use this for art that I finished the sketch for, and probably don't plan to take further than a sketch. > #Slimer.LIVEBLOGGER -> My Liveblogging Tag -> Now in much more common use, I'll be using this tag when a streamer I'm watching does something particularly funny/depressing or when I'm playing a game and want to broadcast my thoughts or something funny. -> My format for that is '#Slimer.LIVEBLOGGER: {GAME}' btw! > #Slimer.SAVE -> Bookmark tag > #Slimer.ASK -> Answered Asks > #Slimer.RAMBLES -> My Rambles -> Sometimes when I start saying stuff... I might not shut up. If you don't wanna see a paragraph of tags on a post from me, I'd highly recommend blocking this tag. I'll use this tag if I ever decide to ramble about something in post format. This only affects tags as of current though. > #Slimer.RANT -> Rants -> Same as rambles, however this one is for tags only. And is only for when I get mad about something. Again, I'd recommend blocking this tag if you don't like seeing paragraphs about text in tags, or seeing someone get mad over something; Inconsequential or not. > #Slimer.VENT -> My Vents -> Entirely contained to my posts, I would highly recommend blocking this if you don't want to see others vent. I mainly use this to complain about my home life and mental health. I’ve mainly moved this onto a private side blog but sometimes it’s nice to be seen? If that makes sense?

And a DNI/BYF For Those That Care:

if you’re a terf/radfem/gender critical,

if you’re any form of queer exclusionist,

> Yes that includes you if you think mspec lesbians or she/her gays or he/him lesbians aren't queer/valid and whatever bullshit reason you have to justify why you think they don't belong in the community. Fuck you, get out.

> Also, don’t you fucking dare tell me that oppression is “black or white”/“you’re either this or that” You are a specific BREED of dumbass cunt that I don’t fucking want near me. Also don’t try taking words away from me to describe my experiences! I won’t be fucking nice about it if you say I’m a horrible person for it. Cuz congrats, this trans masc is tired of trying to be respectful of people who don’t even try to be nice to him!~

if you think its okay to participate in harassment: whether you're making the posts or reblogging them, especially if it's over fandoms or fucking ships

> I Do Not Care if it makes you uncomfortable, just learn to block and filter content, I promise that you will feel a million times happier after you do that, and that you'll find you'll have a lot more free time to do shit when you aren't harassing random strangers on the internet.

If you respect things like DNI's and such, please just do yourself a favor and block me if you see this. I obviously can't force you to follow this, however do please take note in the fact that when I do end up seeing that type of content from you, I will be slapping you with a fat ass block.

I consider harassment of pretty much any goddamn type deplorable. The same goes for hate like transphobia or exclusionary bullshit. Get out, Open your fucking eyes, Seek some resources for help, and Fucking get it.

And at the end of it all, see ya'll fuckers later!

(Post Made: 4/13/22 / Post Edited: 12/14/24)

[babyboyregressor]

Just an updated about me thing big and small version

ABOUT BIG ME

• I go by Benrey, but I'm also okay with nicknames like Benn, BenBen ect ect

•He/They/It pronouns plz and thank you

•I'm t4t n i like trans guys n enbies ig

•I like gaming, drawing, singing (not good at it but it's a huge vocal stim thing for me) and makeup

•Speaking of stims! I go nonverbal a lot so I vocal stim a lot. Especially singing songs. I whistle or sing random notes to try and convey my emotions when words are too hard. I almost always have my headphones on so I can listen to music and to block out noise to a certain degree. I mimick a lot as well. I have certain sounds I like to listen to as well. I have a half life soundboard on my phone because some of the noises are fun and help me calm down, especially the barney voice lines, he has been a huge comfort character for me since I was in middle school.

•Half life and hlvrai are some of my special interests, I absolutely love Barney Calhoun and Gordon Freeman!

•Some of my favorite video games aside from hl are minecraft, Left4Dead, Dead by Daylight, Cod, The Isle, Gang beasts, Resident Evil specifically biohazard and I haven't played village yet, Justice League, Mortal Combat, I have other games too but I cant think of them and I dont play them as much.

•I have a cat Gazlene, Gaz for short, but I live with 9 cats, 3 one month old kittens and 2 kittens who are a few weeks old and then the two moms and my cat and my brothers cat.

•I love the movie Luca, the jurassic park/world series, including camp cretaceous, and Tangled, The rapunzel story has been my favorite story since I was a literal baby.

•I love the smells of Lavender, Lemons, and Pine

• I love horror even though sometimes it can be a bit much for me, especially with loud noises and jumpscares, but some are cool! I really like the halloween movies, mostly the new one that came out in 2018 I think? Story was kinda off I think but its coolio

•I'm bad at makeup but I love putting makeup on people

•I chew on everything and I like to nibble people sometimes but usually I just bite my nails and fingers, although I got some chewlery so that's not happening as much anymore

•I live off energy drinks and sweets

•I have really bad anxiety when it comes to calls and facetime cause I never know when to talk and they often cause me to calm up and go nonverbal

•I'm learning asl!

•My favorite songs as of now are How can I tell him by jens lekman and Him by James Marriott

All about little me!

♡I'm usually 0-3

♡I has ALOT of pacis, I have maybe 15-20 adult ones and like 1000 babies ones i dun use no more

♡I has no cg cause my last one was bads

♡ I sings lots nd color pictures and loves luca lots an punzel

♡I like dinos my fav s a baryonyx!

♡I have a bunch of onesies and a bunch of short overalls and a skirt overall toos, s pink and looks like a cupckae!

♡I like kitties a lots but dogs are loud n scary sometimes

♡I like to be a cowboy somtimes toos cus cowboys are cool! Like rango

♡ i always follow da rules cause rules keep u safe

♡I like iced water and warm milk, and strawberry n chocky milk

♡I like games! I like res evil n minescaft

♡um I dont talk lots unless I'm 3 but usuawy s 2 or smoler

♡Wjen I'm 3 I usually am more excited and talkitives and I like to wear overalls and "big kid" outfits but I'm still baby, I real like to run around and play and info dump about stuff or listen to cgs voice and follow rules

♡when 2 I like to sit aroun n watch tv and hum or if I had a cg I like to follow them around eveywhere and hold onto them and whisper to them and sing them songs or crawl around and shove stuff in my mouth cause why nots and I almost always have my paci cupped to my shirt, I also love to follow the cats around at squeal n babble about them. I usually wear my onesies n maybe a big hoodie or smth and I almost ALWAYS have a stuffie I also clap a lot and LOVE to follow rules and do things for my cg (which again I dont have but if I did okay we theoretically talkin bros), even if its jus grabbing them smth or answering a question. I know a couple of small signs like dada milk juice I love you and how to spell baby for when I dont wnana talk but usually it's just messy signs mixed with stimming, babbles, squeals, and giggles

♡when I'm younger than that I usually like to sleep a lots and I never talk aside from either small short babbles or loud long babbles of nonsense, I always have a onesie or smth like that one I always have my binki/paci and I love love love to be carried, like plz hol me am smol. I usually just wanna snuggle and be held n fed tbh I know how to say milk and dada in sign that's it

Dats it! Next I'll post what makes me small or what my dream cg, nursery or paci would be like, oh or maybe showing all my onesies and pacis! I dunno eyt

[spookyboogie3]

MY FAVORITE AH MOMENTS W/O R*an H*yw**d

Also keep in mind some of these moments i picked Bitch Face r*an may have been present for but this aint about his stupid ass. 

The straw bit on Off Topic

Fiona and Trevor’s “Look at us” “Look at us” “Look at us” in TTT

Drunk Jeremy inhaling helium, followed by Jack and Trevor on Off Topic

“Krusty KrAYAYAB!!!” TTT

Jeremy trying to slam his face through a table, followed by Michael doing the same thing

“my god…… the munchdew” “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Minecraft: Skyfactory

Actually all of Simple Farmer Geoff from Skyfactory

Whatever those sounds were that Jack was making in the beginning of GTA video

Alfredo screaming as he continues to fall down a steep tube in a GTA race

DESTROYING THEIR OFFICE DEAR LORD

“How did he drown though?” “UNDERWATER, MATT!”

Anytime Fiona starts to RAGE in TTT (bonus if others join in)

The time Gav was the phantom in TTT and he kept dying and being brought back and Jack spitting water and then trying to catch it

Alfredo’s Magoo moments in Minecraft

Geoff laughing in the background of a video hes not in

Lindsay fucking around with Chef Mike on Harecore Minigolf

Lindsay fucking around in general

Gavin and Fiona playing Animal Crossing and laughing at the stupidest shit

The Fish Tempura incident on Wheel of Fortune

Lindsay’s reasoning for why her and Michael should have 4 kids

Geoff’s fucking ad reads (my favorite is 23&Me)

The whole thing during Push the Button where everyone especially Michael gets mad at Fiona because she said the best candy to get while trick or treating was lollipops

Matt’s fucking desk in the corner of the room

Anytime Millie is in a video

Everyone falling off the pink ladder during TTT and dying repeatedly because of it

Alfredo “the two-time champ” Diaz dying very early in YDYD 3

Gavin and Michael fucking up almost every game they play on Play Pals

RAY OR NO and then RAY OR NAY on Off Topic

Reddit Roasts Geoff

Gavin asking if someone could kill 20 cows with their bare hands and the proceeding so say he could rip out a cow’s veins by reaching into its neck

Ify’s narration during Let’s Roll Ave Caesar

The internet losing its shit when Jeremy shaved his head years ago

“We need a knife” Gavin comes back with a hammer

Griffin chain sawing the Off Topic table up

“How do I put the boat in the water??” “Right click you animal”

As of 2020, 8 years of playing Minecraft, certain people still do not know how to play the basics of this fucking game.

Honestly it took over 200 episodes for some of them to figure out how the compass worked. You know after they decided that the sun was setting in the wrong direction. (this was in 2016??)

Flynt coal still is a joke they make

So is Day 2

Whatever happened in that GTA lets play where someone called a mugger or a hit on someone and the game glitched and 50 guys showed up and lined up on the street below from where they were playing

Anytime Gavin gets mugged, it’s an old running gag but it’s a classic

The time a mugger fucking started driving the fire truck away after mugging Gavin with Michael and Jeremy still in the truck thinking the other is driving and it takes them like 2 minutes to realize what happened while Gavin’s yelling “come back”

They got a water jug and immediately started water boarding each other

“It pinged and went dingle”

“Hey Trey-Boi” “Hey Gay-Boi” Immediately realizes what he has said

Jeremy’s website puns

(OLD) Ray jerking off in the corner during a let’s play

(OLD) the world in Minecraft never loading and everyone screaming about as Geoff says its fine for him

Jeremy’s “I AM MONSTER TRUCK”

Jack taking AH to Disney……in Minecraft

On Twitter, Gavin asked about recommendations for a computer mouse and Fiona starts sending him pictures of actual mice.

“Its not ghey, if its on the moon”

Literally anything Fiona does as Po

Jeremy saying the heterosexual flag is boring

UNO THE MOVIE!

Geoff fucking cackling the whole time.

“here’s looking at you kid”

the video was almost 3 hours long

“you know what my favorite color is? blue” “oh really? You know what my favorite hand is? Yours

They all want it to end but no one wants to lose and so they fuck each other and that prolongs the game. Also they put on more rules, so they just keep getting more cards if they don’t have a card to match the previous

Alfredo saying he won’t participate in ghost hunter because he knows what happens to people of color in horror movies

Fiona walking in on Off Topic with a protein shake and Gavin asks if shes drinking milk and she says without missing a beat “ah no that’s cum” and everyone laughed not expecting the answer

(OLD) “SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER” *falls in hole*

(OLD) Ray and Gav running in a panel dressed as X-Ray and Vav and Ray running the whole way around the room before he got to the stage

Duck taping Jeremy to the wall

(OLD) All of Minecraft Episode 3 Plan G (This was the very first AH video I watch and why I know who they are)

Geoff and Gav creating Achievement City and giving everyone houses just to prank Jack into burning house down with lava.

Ray’s house is a dirt block with no furniture and single torch

Geoff’s giant ass house next to Ray’s tiny house

Jack tries to destroy everything with lava throughout the episode

“lets be honest, I realistically didn’t lose anything”

Michael stealing art from Gav’s house “NOO! I want nice things”

The sign to Michael’s says “Awaiting Approval, Awaiting Approval, Awaiting Approval” he runs into house and say “I’m home”

Ray also steals this sign at some point

Plan G – The failsafe.

“Oh whats this? Is this a button? Whats this? (pushes button) Yeah it was a button”

“Did you push the button?”

“Yeah”

“okay”

“wh-what does it do?”

“uh…”

Cue Achievement City beginning to explode as Michael starts screaming

Rays reaction “NO, MY SHITTY HOUSE JUST GOT EVEN SHITTIER!”

Not something funny but something VERY IMPORTANT. AH admitting that they all fucked up and how shitty their behavior was when dealing with harassment in the fanbase. People were racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynistic, and just downright horrible to a lot of the employees at RT and AH. This came up after Mica Burton left the company and talked about it publicly and how nothing was done about it. Fiona who also experiences these same things, along with Lindsay and other employees, but Fiona took the charge on the Off Topic talking about people can’t continue to get away with that behavior. She got to sound off her feelings to a group of white men who all respected her and LISTENED to what was saying and how she felt. She cried; Geoff cried. They all want to do more, so this doesn’t happen in the future and they’re not tolerating the racist and horrible comments. AH taking a mature moment to talk about how they failed to stop these comments and Geoff was right when he said the company has a long way to go.

 Outside of AH each member has more to them than just all of the comedy and laughs and dumb shit they do

Geoff helped found Roosterteeth and Achievement Hunter. He has a beautiful daughter in Millie who is awesome in her own right. He’s a recovering alcoholic. Currently doing F**k Face podcasts. Was in the fucking army. Takes accountability for every mistake he makes.  

Jack also helped start Achievement Hunter. He does so much work for charity. His twitter is full of things to help people go vote. He’s like the dad to AH, especially Fiona. He’s happily married to his wife Caiti.

Michael was an electrician and has a lot of handy man experience. He made a few videos online about him raging at games and that got the attention of RT. He’s currently married to Lindsay who he met because of RT. They have two kids together.

Gavin is an expert at high speed filmmaking and know how use and edit footage from a slow-motion camera. He has worked on actual films. One of the creators of the Slow Mo Guys. Worked his ass off to get to work for RT. Currently dating model and cosplayer Meg Turney

Lindsay flips between being the mom of the group and a complete chaos queen and we all love her for it. She started as an editor for the RT podcast and then AH stuff. She is an incredible voice actor, most known for Ruby Rose (RWBY), Space Kid (Camp Camp), Hilda (Xray & Vav) just to name a few. She also has a degree in finance

Jeremy started as a fan who made videos on the community page. He took over Ray’s place after Ray left to do Twitch full time. He is a self-published author and a skilled rapper and singer. He’s currently married to his wife, Kat.

Matt also started as a fan making videos on the community page. He actually interacted and made stuff for the guys in really early Minecraft episodes. Seriously this guy is like king of Minecraft. He has a degree in electrical engineering. He also has pretty decent singing voice.

Trevor is THE BOSS. Has a degree in aero-space engineering and is getting paid to babysit AH. Currently dating Barbara Dunkelman, RTs queen of puns.

Alfredo worked at IGN before RT and is a well-known streamer. He is the best when it comes to first person shooter games. He and Trevor look so similar.

Fiona. Po. Her majesty. Host of This Just Internet. A Twitch streamer. Baby of the bunch. Grew up in Europe. Her and Gav act like a pair of siblings. She has stated and showed time and time again she will fight for people to have safe spaces for anyone who needs them.

Ify, our new guy. He is wonderful and I want to stay forever. He’s a comedian, a writer, and an actor. Co hosts F-ing Around with Fiona. Has his own film podcast, Who Shot Ya? I look forward to more content with him in it, cause everything he’s been in so far has been great.

 Were all hurting but well make it through this

We have all these wonderful moments and a lot more that I didn’t list and this incredible team of personalities with their own accomplishments and achievements. Not to mention old team members who were also great additions and the entire crew behind the scenes editing and making videos look the best that they can.

 Here’s to Achievement Hunter and to this community. We need to be here for each other in times like these.

@theonyxranger gave me the idea for this based on their own post they made about the fans giving their favorite moments without bitch face and there were just too many. Oop. 

[all-hail-the-witcher]

really funny and stupid soulmate au request: whatever your soulmate is singing, you automatically join them in a duet wherever you are (any ship is good)

okay full disclaimer, I have n o i d e a what this is, the words just kinda happened and its really memey but somehow works ??

_______

ship: ralbert

genere: meme floof with a side of theater nerds

warnings: mikeys dog, too many bill wurtz references, comrades, an obscene amount of winking, Albert is a disaster lighting technician and race has no respect for lighting gels, high school musical

words: 1832 wat

editing: nah comrade

_______

If anyone knew anything about Albert it was that he always carried a packet of rosemary in his left pocket “in case he ran out of weed,” that he was trying to get excommunicated from the catholic church “just for lols,” and that he hated high school musical. The last one was particularly damning because all of his friends were theater nerds. (Albert prefered to yell at all of them from the lighting booth and assert his dominance by randomly having people shine the spotlight into the wings where people made out during rehearsal.) He had even gone as far to ban the soundtrack from ever being sang in his presence. Spot said his unrequited hatred for the movies were directly related to the fact that he had not yet found his soulmate and he didn’t like them because it portrayed love he had not yet found, but Albert loudly disagreed saying that the plots were merely just “shit on a stick.”

Cue Racetrack Higgins, the hot new kid in town.

When he showed up to the audition for the school musical, some dumb title that Albert hadn’t taken the time to note (he only had two brain cells and one of them was reserved for figuring out where he was gonna get his weed from and the other was reserved for coming up with new ways to get excommunicated), he had not expected to see a literal angel.

Alright so maybe it wasn’t an angel. Rather, a blonde kid who looked kinda vaguely like a beanpole. And quoting Bill Wurtz. Couldn’t forget that.

The ethereal beanpole had introduced himself after a particularly memorable incident about ten minutes before the audition started. Somehow, he had ended up on the catwalk holding a stack of painstakingly organized gels over the edge as if he were about to drop them.

Now, Albert was not the most organized lighting technician and he did enjoy a bit of mischief every now and then, but only if he was the one pulling the mischief. Plus, he had just organized all the gels and didn’t want to do that again. He’d much rather hide Spot’s keys in the janitor’s closet. So he did the natural thing.

“HEY BEANPOLE! IF YOU DROP THOSE I WILL CUT OFF YOUR HAIR AND FEED IT TO THE SPIDER IN THE BROOM CLOSET!”

The kid’s head snapped up. But, instead of looking like a squirrel about to be chased by a hungry seal shaped pitbull that smelled vaguely of thai food and cheese like the freshman did, the boy winked mischievously and let the gels dangel further over the edge. Then, in a singsong voice that Albert could only describe as the one belonging to his true Lord and Savior, Bill Wurtz (take that catholic church), said: “how bout I do anyway?”

Albert’s next insult died on his lips and he settled instead for glaring at the sexy beanpole with all the power of a pissed off techie.

“What?” The boy pouted, “can’t think of a good comeback?”

“Listen beanpole-”

“It’s Race.”

“Whatever.” Albert stomped down the catwalk in his black timbs, being sure to make as much noise as possible in order to attract the scattered actors below them. “Let it be known that while I did appreciate your history of japan quote, I do not appreciate your presence on my cat walk. And, if you to continue to dangle my gels over the edge like that, I will make sure you never get cast in Wanda’s World-”

“Its Animal Farm.”

“-and that you never get your clammy little paws on a single ounce of weed during your time in this hellhole. Capisce?”

“Weed is for losers,” Race said, thwacking the pile of gels on the catwalk with a muffled bang, scattering the top ones, much to Albert’s dismay. “I prefer vape myself, much more sleek and trendy.” Then, much to Albert’s surprise, he winked, turned on his heel, and exited the catwalk, tipping an imaginary hat before descending the stairs back down into the auditorium.

“Well fuck him right in the nipple,” Albert cursed to himself as he scooped up the pile of gels and stalked back to the lighting booth where he threw them unceremoniously on the ground - he’d sort back through them later. Instead, he sat on his beloved spinny chair that he had stolen from his history teacher back in 9th grade, wrapped the blue fuzzy blacket around himself he’d stolen from Spot last year, threw his feet up on the lightboard, and resolved himself to watching the auditions.

Race, apparently, had been correct, the musical was a rendition of Animal Farm. Although, why someone would write a musical version of a book about a bunch of patronizing pigs making everyone call each other comrade was beyond him.

Albert gradually began to tune out the auditions eventually pulling his beats from around his neck onto his ears and playing random indie songs instead of listening to the screeching below him.

However, once Race took the stage he paused his music out of curiosity. If he was going to have to deal with this kid all year, he might as well see if he had any talent. However, when he heard the opening chords of what was unmistakably a High School Musical song, he groaned and pulled his beats back on, cranking up the volume to drown out the atrocities of the shitty song.

This plan, however, was foiled when he found himself somehow singing a song that was not the one that was playing through his headphones. Initially, Albert ignored it, too dead set on his own blocking out of Race’s singing to care what his mouth was saying. But as it got progressively louder he ripped his beats off in frustration to see what exactly was going on.

To his utmost horror he realized that he was singing a duet with Race.

Albert’s stomach dropped. He knew exactly what this meant. And there was no way that it could be tue. It had to be a glitch. There was no way in hell that his soulmate was the same kid who had tantalized him on his very own catwalk with his precious lighting gels and a horrendous yet perfectly wonderful Bill Wurtz quote not a half hour before.

And there was absolutely no way that he was going to discover his soulmate by singing a high school musical song infront of all of his friends. No fucking way.

In a panic, Albert clapped his hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds coming from it. That way he could play it off as if it had never happened and continue living his perfectly happy soulmate-less life.

Much to his relief, Race stopped singing mere moments later and he pulled his hand away from his mouth, taking a deep breath of relief. However, this was immediately converted back to anxiety as he began to sing the second verse of the song against his will.

“Take my hand, I’ll take the lead

And every turn, you’ll be safe with me

Don’t be afraid, afraid to fall,

You know I’ll catch you through it all”

Race’s head snapped up and a bright smile formed on his face as he continued to sing, heading toward the steps to the lighting booth. A hush had fallen over the auditorium. Albert briefly wished that he had not tried so hard to get excommunicated because maybe some divine power would have been able to save him from the embarrassment that he was about to experience.

“And you can’t keep-”

“Even a thousand miles can’t keep us apart

“Us apart, cause my heart is-”

“Cause my heart is wherever you are”

Vaguely, Albert heard the familiar clang of someone slowly mounting the steps to the catwalk and he attempted to duck his head further into his black sweatshirt to no avail.

“It’s like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you

It’s one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do

And with every step together, we just keep on gettin better

So i can i have this dance, can i have this dance?

Can i have this dance?”

Then, as if being in such close proximity to Rae had some profound influence on him, Albert felt his legs begin to carry him toward the catwalk and, subsequently, the annoying beanpole himself.

“Oh, no mountains too high and no oceans too wide

Cause together or not, our dance won’t stop

Let it rain, let it pour

What we have is worth fighting for

You know I believe that we were meant to be, yeah”

And then, somehow, it was one of those Dramatic Theater Scenes™ that Albert usually hated so much, but somehow he didn’t mind this time. This must have been the feeling that his friends had so often described to them upon finding their soulmates: complete euphoria, as if nothing in the world existed except for them.

Albert found himself getting closer and closer to Race until they were practically ontop of eachother, his hands clutching at Race’s green minecraft shirt as they continued to sing, oblivious to the audience that they had accumulated.

“It’s like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you

Like you

It’s one in a million the chances of feeling the way, the way we, we do

And with every step together, we just keep on gettin better

So can I have this dance, can I have this dance?

Can I have this dance?

Can I have this dance?

Can I have this dance?”

The auditorium below them erupted in a chorus of cheers and Albert felt his face blush bright red under his black beanie, causing him to pull away from Race as he returned to reality. Startled, Race looked at him, but then his face transformed into the mischievous smirk that Albert was beginning to suspect was customary for him.

“Guess you wanna save face in front of all your friends, huh? A badass like you can’t have feelings and all that.” He winked and Albert rolled his eyes. “That’s okay, you don’t have to kiss me now if you’re uncomfortable with it.”

Now it was Albert’s turn to roll his eyes as he hovered his lips mere inches from Race’s and said the same thing that he had been told not too long ago: “how bout I do anyway?” and smashed their lips together, earning a loud round of applause from the crown below and one lone whoop from Spot.

As Albert was passionately mushing his lips against his soulmate, he couldn’t help but think to himself, maybe high school musical wasn’t so bad after all.

_______

im actually low key proud of this like maybe I still know how to write lol

feedback is always appreciated, hmu to be on the tag list

tag list

@fairly-awkward-trashcan@well-the-kids-do-too@racetrackcook@ughwaitwhat@aw-jus-let-em-try@tommy-s-s0cks@voice-foundshoe-lost@stopthe-presses@ridin-in-style@pinecovewoods@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing@bencookisagod@be-more-chill-evan-hansen@stellar-alpaca@saxoph-ella@smolcanadiankid@disney-princess-sized@the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog@insane-tomato@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn@have-we-got-news-for-you@thatfancyclam@myidkwhatmynameisblog@legoflambwrites@not-a-scab@albertdasillvaprotectionsquad

@entschuldigung-bitches

@thebroadwayaesthetic

@tea-and-theater

@seasickdolphin

@auspicioustarantula

@newsies-of-ny

@mrs-higgins

@sunshine-e-cigarettes

@spot-me50-papes

@papesdontsellthemselves

@deathcast-s

@the-poodles-of-pulitzer

@hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters

@humanracoon

@irondad-spiderson-duo

@albert-eats-cookie-cake

@nico-nat

[loreweaver-universe]

OKAY I DON’T EVEN NEED TO PONDER THAT’S MY NEW NUMBER ONE FOR THE SERIES HOLY BALLS

I’M GONNA DIVE RIGHT IN TO EPISODE SEVEN IN A SEC HOLD ON TIGHT

Before I close out the episode wrap-up, though–I have been very sick for most of the last week.  Stomach churning, blinding headaches I could barely keep my head up for, energy drain so bad I went outside for a bike ride around the block to clear my throbbing sinuses and came home sweaty and exhausted and slept for a good seventeen hours at its peak.  To be honest, I’m not even well yet, just well enough.  As a result of that (and the continued difficulties with my restructured patronage after the Patreon snafus of the last year) I am, once again, in crunch time, hurting for money for my rent and bills.

I’ll be doing one more session’s worth of episodes tonight, but anyone who’s willing to pledge to my Patreon would help me immensely (you gain a vote on what shows I do, and at certain tiers of patronage you gain access to the community Minecraft server and a couple soon-to-be official extra reward tiers!) or simply donate to me directly would really help me out right now.

Whether you help me out that way or not, though–thank you, all of you, for reading my blog, for helping me when I’m in trouble and for making all of this possible.  Making people smile is all I want to do with my life and everyone I can make laugh is incredibly fulfilling.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I’M WRITING A STEVEN UNIVERSE FANCOMIC!

AND STRAWBERRY’S BACK FROM THEIR TRIPS!

I’m working with @strawberryseally on a Steven Universe fancomic called Trespassers, which you can read from the first page onwards by clicking that link.  There are four pages up (and a bunch of fanart and stuff on the blog in general) and although Strawberry is also very sick, we’re gearing up to start putting pages out again!  Stay tuned!

You should also go pledge to Gio, our Discord server maintenance tech, creator of Rubybot, and Minecraft server overlord.  He deserves far more than I can afford to give him.

In the meantime, if you’d like more of me:

My Discord server, where you can come hang out with other fans!

My Twitch channel, where I stream Minecraft and miscellaneous games!

My Youtube channel, where you can check out past streams!

Our community also has a guild in Path of Exile, which launched their newest expansion this month (all free!) adding an infinite dungeon with leaderboards to the game.  Go check the game out, it’s a fantasy horror game that’s basically Diablo II with Materia and a Sphere grid.  If you want to join the guild, get in touch via the Discord server!

If you’d like to help support me financially (yes please, I’m stilling hurting from the Patreon snafus of the last year) you can use my direct donation link to put some food on my shelf, or pledge to my Patreon if you want to support me per episode completed, which not only allows you to vote on what shows I do next now that I’ve begun my Madoka Magica liveblog, but also grants access to the Minecraft server I stream from to $5 patrons or higher!  

It’s your kindness and support that lets me do this stuff, and I wouldn’t be where I am without all of you to do it for.  Thank you all so much for your support, and for tuning in every episode!

OTHER PEOPLE YOU MAY ENJOY:

I may have been one of the earlier Steven Universe liveblogs, but a whole community of livebloggers has sprung up over the last two years!   I linked to a bunch individually for a few wrap-ups, but honestly, this end-slate is already eight billion miles long, so I’m just gonna link to my links page.  Click here if you want recommendations of other livebloggers, or other neat people, or webcomics and podcasts that I recommend.

[bupsdreamjournal]

May 5th, 2019

OKAY. Dream journal update! I will warn you, this one is pretty creepy (even if the beginning doesn’t make it obvious). If you have any issue with blood, dismemberment, violence against animals or anything creepy in general, would not recommend this one.

Like all creepy dreams, this one started in Minecraft! This is not the creepy part, to be clear. The dream began in a underground tunnel with a railroad in Minecraft. I wasn’t sitting at a computer playing the game, I was just in it (which I think is pretty normal for videogame dreams). Walked down this railway for a little bit until I turned a corner which had the rail going upward out into the daylight. Right before the railroad sloped up, there was a little nook on the left side where whoever built this railroad kept a villager trapped, presumably for trading. I checked out the enchantments the villager sold which included one that doesn’t actually, although I don’t remember what it was called now. I called out to someone (presumably the person who built this tunnel) something like, “oh, so this is where you keep your villager?”.

I went up the slope and out into the daylight. In front of me was a field which led to a pretty basic wooden house (remember, still in Minecraft). I went inside with whoever was with me earlier and we started looking in the chests and stuff. Mostly just wool of different colours in all of the chests. Out the backdoor of the house was a fenced-in area where the owner of this house kept the sheep they got all this wool from. We left this house shortly after.

Now here’s where the intrigue comes in. Across the way from the wooden house, there was a large castle (still Minecraft-built). The person with me explained that it belonged to a guy I knew from middle school named Charles. I think he’s been in other dreams I’ve written down. The two of us headed into the castle grounds and devised the idea to go find where Charles stored all of his GOOD STUFF and nab it. We continued through the castle grounds to look for his chests. At this point, the dream was no longer Minecraft-based. It just looked like a regular castle, impossible to be made with 1-meter blocks. We got to this balcony in the shade and it looked out on this area that looked like London. On the right, we see that there was a VERY large statue of a samurai warrior in the middle of construction. There was press taking pictures and doing interviews out in the sunlight, next to the structure. Charles’ castle seemed to attract people of refined culture, I thought.

All of a sudden, from behind us, a very tall bald man appeared looking out to the city below like we had been. As if continuing from where our conversation a few minutes earlier about stealing Charles’ enchanted equipment and stuff, the man said, “you shouldn’t do that”. I noticed that one of his eyes had something very sharp jetting out of it, and that that eye was otherwise completely white, a weird foggy/milky white. Gross.

I began to see a flashback from this man’s life. He was in a hallway of this building not far from here. It was pretty much the hallway behind us but... not? It’s very hard to describe the layout of these dreams because it’s constantly changing. Anyway, he’s in the hallway and he’s letting go of a bunch of dogs that he was carrying. They’re absolutely flooding out of his arms, there’s so many of them. I knew from seeing this that he was sending these dogs, presumably trained, to go find Charles’ treasure and retrieve it.

Behind him, standing in the doorway, there was a guy that looked like the goblin bankers from Harry Potter. The little goblin man was holding a tommy gun. He began to open fire on the hallway, shooting all of the dogs. I had to watch in slow-motion as these dogs kept springing from the bald guy’s arms only to be shot immediately.

The scene went dark. When I again was able to make out what was going on, I was looking into a very dark stairwell. Out of the darkness I could see some hands grab the steps on the way down. Shortly after, I could see a big Victorian-era dress follow behind. When whatever this thing was made it to the land few steps until it was on the floor I was viewing it from, I could see it in it’s full horror. Walking on its two hands, there was what looked like a woman, wearing the big dress, with no legs or jaw came crawling into the hallway from the stairwell. This thing was dripping blood from its mouth. The hallway I was in at that point seemed to be several floors down from the castle grounds of Charles’ castle, since it had pipes all along the roof like you’d see from a basement hallway. A person (I think a woman) in a suit was standing in the hall waiting for the thing with another of those things beside her. The two crawlers looked at each other, inspecting each other’s dress.

The woman in the suit directed the two things to a door in the hallway. The door had a window so I peaked in. I wasn’t creeped out at any point in the dream but looking back on the whole thing now, it’s kinda creepy. Inside the room looked like a child daycare, with bring colours and halls covered in fields and a smiling sun. However, instead of children in there, it was more of those legless women with no jaws. Somehow, I understood what was going on. Charles’ goblin security had magic bullets that turned those dogs into these things, and they were going to just hold onto them forever. I was just a passive observer in this part of the dream so I wasn’t able to do anything, and so that’s where the dream ended.

Looking back on it, it is very creepy to me what lengths someone would go to protect their treasure. Also very creepy is what behind-the-scene horrors this place hid to do so. And then of course, the grotesque creatures these people made of dogs. Gross dream.

Thanks for reading though.

[talkstwomuch]

She walks into the store with its overcrowded t-stands, trying not to be overwhelmed by all the loud graphic tees, bright prints, and her beloved stripes.  She considers putting on her sunglasses to block out the fluorescent lights.  She picks up a pair of jeggings, admires the color and softness, and sighs.  She decides she’s too old for them.  After walking around for 15 minutes trying not to feel 80 among the teens and twenty year olds and being by the number of sales people she passed, she exits the store.  She glances at the five headless white mannequins, all wearing fashion’s latest.

I love fashion.  My degree is in Apparel Merchandising and Management. But my degree these days goes towards spotting trends (please lord make the off the shoulder and cut out tops go away!), helping my kids with their wardrobes when they let me, and trying not to yell at retail employees a la Vivian Ward with a “Big mistake.  Big.  Huge.  I have to go shopping now.”

They say malls are starting to be a thing of the past and mall rats like I was in the 90s (okay, late 80s) are extinct.  I beg to differ.  I have a 10 year old who lives for the mall.  I can already see her asking me to drop her off near the closest entrance to Hot Topic when she’s 15.  But I have fallen out of love with mall shopping.  I walk into stores like H&M, Forever 21, and American Eagle and am mostly ignored.  I start to wonder, “Am I too old for these stores?”  I feel like I am having an identity crisis with my style.  At 42, I feel like I’m probably too old for my current wardrobe but not just yet ready for a Mrs. Roper muu muu:

On Small Business Saturday the family and I headed to downtown Fullerton. Ever since we moved back to Orange County hubby and I have wanted to go hangout down there.  After a delicious lunch at Big Slice Pizza, we walked down Harbor Boulevard between Amerige and Wilshire.

Our first destination was Lost Levels, a video game shop with retro arcade games and pinball machines for customers to play.  The guys running the place chill behind the counter and are helpful if you need it.  They also have video game systems for purchase, video games to put in those systems, candy, and other merchandise that your kids will want to spend all their money on.  After letting the kids milk us for all our quarters, we headed over to Goldie’s.

Goldie’s is a clothing boutique with hipster California wear.  The guys took a hard pass on coming in so my daughter and I greeted were warmly by a sales girl as we decided on what jewelry we had to have (a Leo necklace for my girl, some dangly earrings for me).  I was handed a mimosa (yes please) and the girl was so sweet to ask if Scarlet wanted some OJ or lemonade.  We walked around for a bit longer than the guys probably wanted us to, I tried on a top that was too delicate for my taste, and left with hopes that we will be back soon.

My favorite stop of the day was Half Off Books.  A couple of visits had already been made by Scarlet and I and we couldn’t wait to introduce her dad and brother.  We walked in and were told hello by no less than three staff members with huge smiles.  An adorable older doggo made her way around the store as we were told about their fire sale.  The kids and I headed straight to the children and young adult section, eager to find the books we would take home.  Curls and I started making a stack while my boy got frustrated and started sulking after trying to find a Minecraft book.  I approached sales guy Luis and asked for his help in finding a book for him.  I mentioned that I had to steer my eight year old out of the horror/crime section on the other side of the store and told him books he had already read.  Within five minutes Luis had the Scary Stories trilogy by Alvin Schwartz and not a minute later Wesley was reading one of the three.  All of the guys are obviously passionate about what they do and love books.  I can’t think of a better place for us to grow our collection of stories.

Small Business Saturday didn’t solve my Mrs. Roper’s muumuu problem but it did give me hope that there are still good companies out there who treat their customers well and I won’t have to resort to online shopping only.  So if you can this Christmas, head over to that Mom and Pop shop in your town and give them your business.

Mrs. Roper’s Muumuu She walks into the store with its overcrowded t-stands, trying not to be overwhelmed by all the loud graphic tees, bright prints, and her beloved stripes.