#okay im def failing but like. women

[hiemaldesirae]

which way vintage woman /ref

[scatterbrainedbot]

RAT SONS LORE DUMP #1

THE HAMATO FAMILY

okay so im looking at my first few character sheets and theres a little bit of lore/context i want to give just to clarify, specifically about the last generation (of humans) in the Hamato lineage

(long text heavy post ahead!)

so background:

in the 03 version of tmnt The Ancient One (who is not a Hamato) essentially adopts three children: Hamato Yoshi, Yukio Mashimi, Tang Shen (girls dont get surnames i guess??) They seemed to have been explicitly raised as siblings. Still, love triangle trope was hungry ig. Both boys fell in love w Tang Shen and she fell for Yoshi. to which Mashimi said ‘alright bet’ and killed her. i cant even laugh at him for his pathetic Nice Guy “i was nice to you for years and u wont have sex with me???” tantrum cos like. sir, that is ur sister. boy howdy. all of yall need to go meet some other people.

mostly i chalk that whole mess up to the fact that the writing of women in most media in the early 2000s lacking like idk?? any actual characterization?? an ounce of consideration??? not a single braincell?? they were mostly just there to be a means to some plot trope, rather than an actual character in and of themselves — like im amazed april came out as lovely as she did, with her own like life and skills and autonomy (her big sis vibes in 03 are so so nice, and tbh i love her whole character a lot — still lots of misogyny moments in her writing too but im not trying to do an analysis into that rn)

so anywho!!

for the rat sons au, i decided to go ahead and scrap all the incesty undertones (idk, are those undertones? seems p straight up to me?) and completely revamp the origins of The Ancient One, Tang Shen and Yoshi <3 (and Mashimi too ig, but he essentially got cut out entirely. sucks to suck ya entitled lil douche)

Here's the general lowdown

So, the Hamato clan is one of the oldest and well established in all of Japan. The family rose to prominence in the feudal period of Japan’s history, due to their collective skill in the art of ninjutsu, their dedication, stealth, and discretion. Like most ninja, they were assassins available to hire, either for killing or simple sabotage, for politics or personal matters – though no matter the task, a Hamato’s loyalty was always to the head of the Family over their client.

Beyond their reputation as a ninja clan though, the Hamatos also had a reputation for being extremely generous to their community and highly protective of the less fortunate. (think kinda Al Capone vibes, like oh these bitches hella dangerous. but also. will def tip over $100 soooo…) This did lead to occasional conflict of interests during assignments/contracts. Most Hamatos would then seek the advice of the head of the family, and follow their lead, be it to the benefit of their client, or not.

(This also led to several members either abandoning the clan, or being killed by their clients for failed action etc etc)

As time passes and we reach the mid twentieth century or so, there is only one final heir to the Hamato lineage. A young man, named Hamato Sho. Sho spent his youth trying to serve his family and honor their name etc etc etc. But ultimately, this got him caught up in a lot of corrupt powerful nonsense that he eventually walked away from after the death of his friend.

This friend had left behind a young daughter, Tang Shen. Since he knew she had no other family to claim her, Sho took her in, expecting to only be a temporary foster at most. Surprise! this quiet five year old kiddo melted old mans cynical heart to absolute mush. his daughter now bitch.

He only ever adopted the one child, and he adored her sm. and he tried his best to be a good papa. he nurtured her curiosity and engaged in her interests and taught her everything he knew, without ultimatums or concerns about family names. at times he could have probably been considered very lax in his parenting, or far too lenient or undisciplined, but as a kid that grew up suffocated by watching eyes and guiding hands and Destiny capital D, i think that by giving his child room to be her own person and do her own shit (especially in her teenage years) he was in fact showing her a level trust and pride than he never had been given himself. basically he did everything he could to give her the exact opposite childhood he himself had (like rise splints <3)

Because of Sho’s encouragement, Tang Shen grows up to be a very independent soul, whos never met a problem she can jerry-rig, bodily move, or roundhouse kick into being fixed. She also becomes a fucking badass ninja master (and mystic warrior, lol) though mostly all she wants in life is the maintain the quiet little farm her father has started. maybe kiss the cute boy from town who walks her home sometimes (even though he lives the other direction.)

Meanwhile, Yoshi (surname pending) is in fact not a Hamato. Yet, at least. he, however, is that cute boy from town who walks home with Tang Shen most days and has been absolutely smitten with her since like fourth grade lol

(theyre besties for like a decade before they officially start to date. They get together finally after Tang Shens been trying to figure out a good date idea (one that isnt just something they already do) to ask him on for like a month, and Yoshi just leans over and kisses her goodbye super casual one day cos he thought they already had been dating for like. six months. cue her delight and his abject horror (he never wouldve kissed her if he didnt think that was already established as okay. p sure he even like asked her before randomly like, hey is it alright if i kiss u goodbye? and she was like ????? ok??? is this cos of ur european studies class. theyre both very silly) shes gonna tease him so bad about all of this. and tell Sho. Yoshi will never know peace again /affectionate)

Mashimi doesnt make any real appearance in their story i dont think. Like he might be a friend of Yoshi’s in elementary school. probably had a tiny start of a crush on Tang Shen when they were small and tried to take the ‘pull pigtails on the playground’ route of getting her attention. what he got was a kick to the chest and a broken nose. never came near her again after that. (eventually started avoiding Yoshi too since he was with Tang Shen all the time)

All that being said though, im afraid Tang Shen is not fully free of curse of the unwanted suitor. The Hamato name still carries a fair amount of pull, after all, and there are some very dangerous people looking to make some claim to its influence.....

[sinbury]

I’m relieved to hear you’re doing better!! I’m really sorry it took me a while to get to you life has really been beating me down lately and it made me nonverbal, I have thought of you though, how have you been?

I’m sorry, how’ve you been with that? I’ll never understand your loss but I do understand your bond, I have an older sibling and she means a lot to me. It’s funny huh they know how to tick you off but at the end of the day your each other’s missing piece.

Ohh okay good questions!! I do have a cat. I’ll show you pictures when I reveal myself but she’s a grey tabby!! I adore her and found her in the streets lol I have an older sister aaand my favorite hobby is crochet it gives my hands something to do yanno? I get pretty antsy so that helps. I wanna learn bass or maybe drums in the future (I heard the ladies love a girl who plays an instrument and I need something—anything to impress lol) jk I love the sound them 😊 okay, I’ll keep this short buuut I love villains because how misunderstood they are, most of them are woman and our feelings are belittled even in the media. It’s always “they’re crazy” or “you can’t excuse their behaviors because of their trauma” failing to realize that not everyone comes out of trauma as a soft uwu. Trauma isn’t pretty. And most men are forgiven by the public even after making terrible decisions. Some actions become a defensive mechanism and we just want what we deserve. People fail to see that with woman. Men get to feel rage and destruction and literally nobody bats an eye, that behavior is so normalized god forbid woman feel that same intensity of rage and selfishness without the public making entire studies about their behavior. I think 2 of my favorites that I can think of at the top of my head are Catra from shera and Jinx from Arcane. Maybe I’m bias? Now your turn, hobbies? What tv show are you currently watching? Fave season? - Red ❤️

thanks for responding!! i was starting to get worried abt u hehe xx im sorry to hear lifes been hard enough to make you nonverbal :( i dont know what thats like specifically but i know it must fucking suck. i hope u feel better soon and im sending u love 💕

grief sucks ass but its always nice to hear about other peoples siblings!! makes me feel a little bit closer to my brother sometimes :)

i am SO excited to see ur kitty!!! i love that u enjoy crochet bc i have dabbled in it myself and omg its tedious!! kudos for having that patience lmao. i def recommend learning bass too bc my brother was teaching me for a while and its SO FUN !!!!!! 1000/10 makes u feel like a sex god

i like your breakdown of villains in media too, thats always why ive been drawn to them too! especially hot sexy women who do unspeakable acts theres just something so good and cathartic about seeing that 😍😍😍 i havent seen all of she-ra or arcane but i do LOVE jinx from what little i know of her!!! probably due to my harley quinn obsession when i was in high school lmaooo

my pretty much only hobby is art. i just say art as a broad term bc i tend to skip around mediums forever and ever hehe i love all kinds of art!! im not currently watching anything new but one of my fav series is an old detective drama called Life bc the symbolism and the writing is just SO chefs kiss that ive seen it approximately 274818858 times!!! it only has 2 seasons and both are so beautiful in different ways :)

i realize now that i dont even know your pronouns smh!! tell me more abt u!!!! i need all the juicey deets >:3

[minilpark]

Top gun!Batfam au. That is all. Would like to know your spare thoughts.

i have thought about this just a tad because i hc that bob and fanboy love comics, but i never thought specifically about a topgun!batfam, so here's the little bit i've got for you!

iceman

okay you can't convince me that ice doesn't remind you of either clark (yes he isn't in the batfam but im putting him there as an honorary member) or alfred and lemme explain why-

ice as clark: boyfriends with mav aka batsy, tries to keep his bf in check, fails most of the time, very by the book and follows the rules

ice as alfred: keeps mav/bats in check, looks out for his well-being, the actual one in charge of the family but lets mav/bats believe he is

see? either is valid to me

2. mav

mav is bruce through and through to me. i think this because he basically adopts all the pilots as his own children and wants to keep them safe by teaching them how to protect themselves (like in the air w/ dogfighting) like how bruce does with his vigilante kiddos. also i imagine the tough love and strained relationships bruce has with some of his kids is just like mav and rooster- also not to mention the lasting trauma both bruce and mav have from their early years still haunts them both every day.

3. rooster

i was on the fence about who bradley would be, but i think he would be a great dick grayson and lemme explain why- dick is bruce's first kid that he's ever taken care of. of course with being the first, it's a different experience compared to those who come after you. there's pressure on both the parent (bruce/mav) and him to be the best and live up to expectations. besides this, he was the experimental kid and also holds a personal responsibility over the others (also fitting since bradley's callsign is rooster). dick is also consistently good natured and reliable in most iterations of him and i think this is fitting with bradley. he is kind natured and naive and sometimes doesn't think things through before he does something. there are times he can be scary when he's angry (def rooster vibes) and he's def the type to hold grudges, kinda like how rooster held one against mav for the papers incident.

4. hangman

i was also unsure about who jake would be, but i think i'm going to say he reminds me of jason. theres a lot of iterations of jay and how he behaves and how his relationship with the family is, so imma just keep this pretty general concerning his personality and also say hes on shaky ground with the others. as we all know, he is considered one of the black sheep in the family. after dying and coming back as red hood, things have been difficult to say the least. however, he still is just as strong, brave, selfless, impulsive, and smart-mouthed as he was before he died. i think these traits are fitting for jake. considering his callsign is hangman and the story we all know behind it, he also relates to how jay is a lone wolf more than half the time, but they both are becoming better at playing on a team.

5. phoenix

i think phoenix would be cass. needless to say, cass had a rough upbringing (we will not go into detail). i definitely think phoenix would have a hard upbringing as well as being the oldest sister of two younger brothers trying to help her mother after her father's tragic passing (this is my own hc btw). besides this, cass upholds bruce's moral code and is determined to prove herself to her newfound family and especially to bruce as she wants to take up the mantle later on. concerning phoenix, i think she also holds herself to a high standard especially with being a female pilot in the navy. she is also fiercely loyal and protective of her crewmates. i also think these two are just badass women.

6. bob

it took some deliberating for bob here, but i think he would be tim. tim is not only incredibly smart, he is a great detective and is also pretty gutsy as well. he is a passionate person and works extremely hard to prove his worth (he is a huge workaholic). with all these traits of his, i think bob would fit him really well. bob is definitely perceptive of others and in tune to how everyone is feeling (my hc and also just comes with the fact he is a "stealth pilot" lmao).

7. fanboy

i think mickey would be duke. duke is like the light of the family in my opinion. though i havent read much of his content, i do know that hes like an empath. when he works as a vigilante, he goes out there and uses his emotions to guide him unlike some of the other members. he is also lowkey self-sacrificial and willing to do anything to protect others and his family. i think fanboy behaves the same. he cares about his family and would do anything to protect them. he definitely brings smiles to the crew and keeps morale up in my opinion. in conclusion, fanboy is a blessing and so is duke.

8. payback

payback would be lucas. lucas is no doubt extremely intelligent like his father, strong, and he is also a great fighter considering he is a boxer, as well as being trained in mma and cage fighting. besides this, he is great at tactical analysis and engineering. i totally think payback fits the vibes luke exudes and he is also just as capable as him. both of them are like the rock in the team. they're there for anyone who needs them. (i also think they're both pretty mentally stable or as much as you can be as a crime fighter in gotham)

9. coyote

coyote reminds me of steph. steph is incredibly athletic and talented, but she also has trouble regulating her emotions. she sometimes lets her emotions get the better of her and she is also one for feeling an adrenaline rush. i feel like javy could definitely relate with her. however, despite her weaknesses, she is a great vigilante and very street-smart and pragmatic. when she does something, it has meaning behind it and i think javy does the same. when he flies, he's a team player and is strategic as to how he can lead his team to victory and get them home. both him and steph are also sarcastic and witty, often throwing out some quips at others who provoke them as well lmao.

[bluebeetle]

Im still so annoyed about the Diplomant’s Son story being used in Seeley’s awful Robins book LIKE-- Okay not only does it muddy the name of one of my FAVORITE Robin!Jason stories (and imply the dudes dad isnt dead when he def died in the second part lol)

 but it kinda ruins it by making it one of Jasons first missions as Robin and not one of his last--because it being close to last plays a big role in WHY he reacts the way he does in that book, and why its ambigous as to what caused Felipe to fall.

Like by this point Jason is 15; he has been Robin for 3 years, been through the death of his parents, homelessness, and then being taught to fight. As Starling’s run progresses, he ends up having to deal with serial killers targetting women and people beating up sex workers--things that really effect Jason, more than just random crooks and robbers. And then he tries so hard to help this rape victim and feels powerless that he can’t do anything even though he so desparately wants to--to help Gloria, to hurt Felipe--and then in the end Gloria takes her own life out of fear of Felipe and Jason feels like he’s failed and its all Felipes fault and just... then he either pushed the man to his death or let him fall.

Then leading into that al those unresolved issues and Jasons view of ‘death is deserved for some’ which had been beginning just get amped up to 11 after the trauma of dying and coming back. 

It’s a story that works best after Jasons had time to be Robin, had time to enjoy it--to feel like he’s not helpless and can help other people--only to be met with tragedies out of his control that make him feel powerless again, causing him to want to get control in some form, such as revenge, with violence. 

it doesn’t make sense for it to be something Jason has to go through right away, because of how much it ties into his issues that lead him to runaway at the start of ditf and reflect how he would become when he was older.

[naturalbornkillass]

delayed post from 07/10/22 - A weird week: still depressed // might need to get the “hottest girl in rehab” sweatshirt. // modern feminism // why am i attracted to older men i dont even ducking have daddy issues

The last part happened today but i’ll include it into my evenfully unevenful week

i’ve been ridiculously depressed and irritable this week. i havent touched my prescripted medicine and i probably should. i’m in no way getting better.

During the 4th of july, i got into a hugeeee argument with my dad and i ended up staying home and playing roblox w my friends. it was kinda fun, then it all hit me. I’m at home during the 4th of july, doing absolutely nothing. I was bored and depressed. I HAD NOTHING TO DO!! So I ordered some food from grubhub and it made me feel better for a little bit. Then it hit me again. I'm getting fomo. How can i celebrate the 4th. of july? and listen I’m not the most patriotic citizen, and to be honest, i’m not big on independence day. although I am big on the celebrations itself, whether or not i really give a fuck about the reason of the celebration .

i decided to try lsd for the first time, and it was def the most sensational type of high i’ve ever experienced. especially bc it was laced with some other strong ass shit, which i didn't really know until i got tested positive for other stuff. I didn't rly mind tho, i had a good time regardless. My therapist was not happy ofc, so they actually told me that they may have to send me to a 30 day rehabilitation program if things don’t improve within the next week. It’s either that, or I have to stay at a psych ward for 7 days minimum, which isnt as bad, given that it’s so easy to trick them into thinking that you’re doing well within the span of a week. But either way, i’ll be stripped away from any sort of communication with all of you. unless i can memorize all of your number. not tryna do all that.

I'm against it, obviously. I’m functioning! I should be fine.

The reason why i’m not making such a big deal out of this is bc I’m not being too irresponsible with everything. Honestly i really do believe that they’re just trying to profit off of me. No one really knows what to do in those places. None of the staff members really know what they were getting themselves into. If you’re there for the money, why cant you at least try to put some effort on the shit tht you were supposed to do?

if i do end up in one in the future, best believe i’m pulling up in the corniest fit ever

but fr tho i actually have to start putting some effort because i’m not trying to go to some goddamn facility. I have many plans for this summer and living in a place w a bunch of druggiez isnt my thing. if all fails, i hope to be grouped with cool people.

i met someone on roblox, which i’ve spent a few hours with….at night. it was fun okay, and im not for edating, but this is entertaining for me. i wonder how many ppl he’s groomed online. better yet, i wonder how many people get groomed on roblox??? He’s 21 btw i forgot to mention, and yeah he does sound like it. Thats all i can say tho.

The thing is, you’ll never know if your the groomer or the groomee. Edating is so funny to me despite the times that i’ve attempted to do so. I got out of that phase towards the beginning(-ish?) of 9th grade. After that, I’ve just started fishing for some creepy pedos online and i tried to see if i can get money off of them. I found many, but they all wanted my fucking face to be in pictures/videos and they wanted to be able to hear my voice and such, like how desperate can you be? Theyre all really fucking pathetic and it just pissed me off seeing people live like that. Discord users are really something else……..

just dont edate. It's that easy.

One thing that I have noticed is that I kinda have a problem with older men. Why am I writing about this online rather than telling a professional about this? Idk but I just felt like it needs to be talked about. No, I don't have daddy issues, which proves that it's only a common stereotype. Women have such a great amount of power, simply just by existing. Next thing you know, you've hypnotized them into throwing their cash onto you.

[ducavalentinos]

Okay so the way I imagine Mon being in a relationship separates into two Mons like season 1-2 Mon and season 3 Mon are two different people. I imagine Mon season 1-2 being like sweet and shy at first and nervous to ask you out. Season 3 Mon doesn’t give a fuckkkkkk he’s probably like one of those guys who doesn’t believe in relationships bc someone broke his heart when he was like 15. He’s probably like no im not looking for anything serious *proceeds to become unhealthily obsessed with you*

Interesting thought, anon! thanks for sharing with me and I’m just so sorry taking forever to answer it! :(((( But yeah, I see where you’re coming from, personally I tend to see Món in relationships as a progression of his own personality and its changes + growing older. I think I’ve said this before, but to me he really went from boy to man in these three seasons, his development was really well written, I just wish we had had more material showing this growth in the romantic area, because we are all mostly going with our guts and personal speculation/headcanons here since the show didn’t give us anything concrete about that, and I’ll forever be sad/frustrated about it *sighs in spanish* But in Season 1-2 it seems to me he was in his late teens?? and Season 3 he was in his early 20s??, so I think I can see it as natural him being more shy, nervous or sweet with a girl (although more about this point below) where he was younger and still lacked experience, therefore he lacked confidence, and then becoming more confident and/or cocky as he had more experience which gives us Season 3 Ramón, this older Ramón attitude can hint he has had some success with the ladies of Tijuana (or he’s just really faking it until he makes it, who knows, that’s another possibility here lmao) and I feel it’s all def. connected to all of this I mentioned + his family’s power and how that gave him more responsabilities in their organization than before. His way of addressing that girl with his killer >>>mi amor ven pa’ ca corazón<<< 😍 imo def. implies a certain level of confidence, but then again we have to notice he wasn’t interested in that girl, he called her over for Alex, right, so goddd it would have been so interesting to see if he would have addressed a girl he seriously liked in the same way, I think it’s possible he would, but with a difference I think he would also be feeling nervous as well, but maybe while Season 1-2 Ramón wouldn’t be so good at hiding it and playing it cool, Season 3 Ramón might be better at that, so I can see him being all presumido, but really inside he’s dying lool. And that leads me to the sweet aspect, tbh I can’t help but see him being sweet with whatever girl he fell in love with it, no matter the season, I see it as a Arellano trademark that they are all sweet and doting with the women they love, so even though Season 3 Món might have given him this idgaf vibe (if  it came from a heartbreak or not), or a f*ckboy vibe, I do see it as, again, natural of his age and only until he meets a girl that really gets to him, his the one, then I think this behavior would kinda break down, because no matter how hard he tries to deny his feelings and act indifferent towards you (if he wanted to) the more he fails because every time he sees you, his heart is already skipping a beat, and all he wants to do is to please you and make you smile, and ofc make you his and only his !!!!! <3333 JDSJDSJDSJ I laughed here with the *proceeds to become unhealthily obsessed with you* lmaooo like I just imagined mi bb pretending to be all cool with you, because he doesn’t want to get his heart broken again :(((((( and like you said, saying that: yeah, no, I don’t believe in relationships, let’s just have fun *pasatiempo by daddy yankee plays in the background* BUT he’s also casually asking things about you to your friends or something, and it doesn’t take long before he’s already thinking and seeing you as his mujer, and he just starts to dislike the feeling of being away from you for too long, or he starts to feel more and more bothered by the sight of any guy approaching you. I can see it so well: his clenched jaw and his temper rising, until one day he, of course, goes off and tells the guy: que no te acerques a mi novia, cabrón, o te mato! and you’re just looking at him confused as hell like: wait...novia??? and that's like the moment everything changes between the two of you, and your relationship gets like official *para siempre by daddy yankee plays in the background* lool bye.

[hell-is-a-teenage-girll]

for the send a secret thingy:

ive been dealing with internalized biphobia for a hot minute (esp with a lot of “women are inherently the best and men are inherently spawn of satan” shit online) and with my past ex i could believe it lmao

but i have a new love who’s nothing like that and i feel both guilty and relieved that we’re a straight-passing couple. im not cis (they/she) and he’s def not het (bi), but the outside oblivious cishet wouldn’t know that and it makes me feel safe(r). but i also know that as a bisexual im already not exactly welcome, and with this relationship i feel like im going to lose my “community” because we’re both taking the “easy way out”.

((i know that you haven’t had the best experiences with men so im not asking you to write anything nice about them (as a group or at all) but i appreciate you opening your asks for secrets. i didn’t think i had this one until i started typing. 💚))

Aw I’m sorry you feel like this!

And trust me I do don’t hate men at all, I actually get along better with them, but here on tumblr and other social media it’s as if they don’t understand boundaries or being polite what so ever.

But anyway, you are not taking the easy way out! You are and will be always Bi (as long as you feel like that ofc) no matter with who you are together, no matter how they look, no matter how you look.

I always feel bad when I read things like this, because it sounds horrible. I don’t know how it feels but I did have a loooong period of thinking I wasn’t a good lesbian, because of my stone identity (which at the time I didn’t know was a thing and in “our community” not giving back was seen as “oh so you must not really be attracted to women’’) so i thought I was a failed lesbian and failed woman, so I went to men, but I never know if that is close to the feeling of something like that.

whenever I’m not sure (maybe it’s my autistic mind) I’m kinda curious because I always wanna understand people, feelings and situations, so I can help maybe.

So idk if my answer does anything but all I really hope for you is that you find peace with who you are, trust me it is such a waste of time to be scared or stressed about who you are, when what you are is great, valid and totally okay! 💕

SEND ME A SECRET

[florafey]

Thoughts on QoN

I started reading The Queen of Nothing on 19 November, 2019, and finished it about fifteen minutes ago on 23 November, 2019. Much as I did with The Wicked King, here are my thoughts while reading.

Spoilers, of course, are under the cut

- Oak is EIGHT??? I’ve been writing him like a three year old this whole time lol whoops sorry Oak

- Idk how to feel about this whole Vivi/Heather thing it smells like manipulation to me

- Lmao Jude’s a freelancer gotta love it

- I have now named my Goblin Brain Grima Mog how dope is that name fr

- Jude is an adrenaline addict and that’s a fact

- “It feels good to be fighting someone other than myself” SWEETIE CARDAN LOVES YOU

- Oooooooh I like Grima Mog I have a feeling she and Jude are going to cross paths again, maybe in Faeire

- (Also not surprised by Grima’s prediction of Cardan being dethroned soon that boy hates his job more than retail workers during the holidays)

- Oh look, three books in and Jude is finally admitting her feelings for Cardan

- I love the juxtaposition between Taryn in her pretty dress and Jude literally being two steps from death and not seeming to care lol

- Hmmmm okay I want to believe that Taryn killed Locke but couldn’t this just be a way to get Jude back into Faerie??? Idk why they would want that but I don’t trust Taryn 

- (Also I hope Locke is dead it would be Taryn’s one redeeming quality)

- ooooooohhhhhh shit Taryn’s PREGNANT AASHHSJSDKJDKSSKLDSJDJSJ HAHAHHAHAH this is too good oh no

- There’s literally zero chance of this plan of Jude pretending to be Taryn is going to go well. Or even close to well

- “Squeeze hug” awww that’s gonna be in a fic I promise

- This feels like The Parent Trap

- I’m sweating

- ITS CAAAAAAARDAAAAAAAN 

- Oh and his tail is out wow good for him

- Fuck a duck I love his tail

- And gold eyeliner, stellar cosmetic choice if I may say so

- Yep I knew it see here she goes off to his chambers he’s gonna find out eeeeekkkkk

- He knowsssssss he been knew of COURSE he been knew how could I be so stupid to think he didn’t know it was Jude this whole time I’m a clown and a fool

- Wow I’m kind of soft right now I love my babies and they clearly love each other but they’re being so ANGSTY AAAAAA

- “Wisdom is for the meek” uhh??? Madoc what are you talking about bud

- Ahhhh see now Jude is getting protective over her throne and crown, she’s blooming into a Queen....good shit for sure

- Also Jude better be the spy she was born to be now that she’s in Madoc’s camp and he thinks she’s Taryn

- Oh, she’s going foraging in the woods? By herself? Yeah, this is gonna go great, Oriana, really

- Yeah def can’t trust Grimsen although I love how Holly Black describes his work and how they’re beautiful but also deadly and cursed

- I’d like to hear more about how he tried to kill Cardan with that ruby earring and failed lol

- tHE GHOST??? What the hell is he doing here???? Am I the only one who just thought homeboy was dead?? Yikes lol

- Ugh Locke was such a Man good thing he’s rotting now

- “You’re scheming” “I’m always scheming” yeah ain’t that the truth bby

- uh oh MOMMY KNOWS heheheheheh

- Well no wonder Cardan turned out like this look at how he was raised, poor boy

- I mean, to be fair, look at Jude while you’re at it

- Oh hey it’s the Roach

- OH HEY ITS CARDAN

- Awwww Vivi went to Cardan because she thought Jude was in trouble and not only did he go to the Roach to go get Jude but he came too !! wow for people who can’t stand each other they make quite the gang 

- I love how inconvenienced Cardan seems by Locke’s death but not actually sad lol what a mood

- Breaking into Grimsen’s forge does NOT sound like a good idea no sir

- Ugh king and queen wow

- I cannot WAIT for Madoc to realize the Jude is the High Queen I cannot

- AYYYY MY GIRL GRIMA MOG what did I tell y’all, hmmm?

- Wow Madoc really just stabbed Jude like that and is going to leave her ??? the disrespect

- Ohh my god oh wow her blood is making flowers grow she’s a QUEEN wow look at that, you go bby

- Ah fuck Jude, you got set up by the bumb ass father you have

- ABAHAHAHAHHHAH this isn’t funny but Jude falling from the rafters onto the banquet table is on par with the beauty of Kaz and Wylan falling through the ceiling onto Van Eck’s dining room table heheheh

- @hollyblack can I breathe??? Shit girl

- Cardan said THATS MY WIFE 

- Wow Cardan washing Jude’s hands herself??? This boy is in loooove

- Oak and Jude’s maid playing Uno ????? Iconic

- “You’re generally terrifying” oh same Cardan

- So Jude really could have pardoned herself this whole time!!!!!! Come ON sis how didn’t you pick up on that WE picked up on it (don’t worry tho we know you’ve been stressed it’s okay you’re here now)

- And Cardan really expected her to pardon herself I have no words for this boy 

- Jude and Cardan’s relationship is so strange but at least it’s healthy now, you know?

- Look at Cardan being vulnerable and Jude not being mean to him for it 

- He’s being KIIIIIND WHAATTT

- “This is my room, and that’s my wife” AAHAHAHHAHH

- Cardan touches her hair oh my gooooooood i’m dying send help

- Can y’all tell I’ve been deprived lol

- Hahahahah Jude trashed Lady Asha, as she should 

- So I think I like QoN Cardan the most, although I did find Cardan in the first two books terribly entertaining to read about (Srry Jude)

- So Taryn seems to be behaving better than she did in the first two books, kind of being a badass, knowing the Ghost’s true name and all

Cardan likes hearing about slushy machines are you kiDDING ME????

- “Our marriage is an alliance” okay but you sleeping in his shirts isn’t, now, is it? Or how about him petting your hair? Or you thinking he looks cute in gold eyeliner?? lol Jude get real

- Aw I like this Fand/Jude freindship us girls gotta look out for each other

- Grima Mog more like Grima MOM lol

- “Big horns, little dude” LMAO HEATHER STOPP

- I’m enjoying Heather, I have to say

- Finally they kiss it only took TWO HUNDRED PAGES 

- oh guys they really like each other im soft

- Casual hand holding? yes 

- I can’t believe these are the same idiots who were trying to drown each other in the first book 

- look they’re trying to be vulnerable and without armor I’m gonna cry

- I feel quite uneasy about this Queen Suren girl who’s parents have her leashed somehow

- Oh wow fuck Grimsen am I right

- Oh SHIT Cardan really broke the crown like it didn’t mean shit to him...the development...the wisdom

- Cardan really said I want my WIFE and my PEOPLE 

- Oh wait fuck fuck fuck oh no stop wait

- Lmao Jude collapsing on the floor is literally me whenever I have to be in charge

- Okay there’s gotta be a way out of this, I didn’t mean it literally when I said Cardan was a snake

- Hey, Jude’s like, smart as shit, no?

- Hahahaha she basically said “Cardan is like, 90% of my impulse control”

- I love how Taryn is hyping Jude up throughout this while shitshow, I love how the two of them have developed past their book one probems

- The Bomb teasing Jude about the dust on her skirts made my day

- Look at Jude really having healthy realtionships with the women around her, I’m so proud of my little murder gir

- Nicassia better come in clutch here, I don’t trust Jarel or Nore not one bit

- Uhhh that story Heather told about the snake that wanted to marry the princess made me howl with laughter and I don’t think it was supposed to

- Vivi got Cardan a snowglobe that says “Congratulations on your promotion” for his coronation gift and he kept did DID EVERYONE HEAR ME I SAID VIVI-

- Oh damn Kaye alright no need for all that

- Ohhhh I had totally forgot about the dress in book one that Jude ordered but received a different one instead... Cardan sent it?? wild 

- Okay I hope Jude knows what she’s doing but when has she ever not

- The UNDERSEA HEEEEEELLL YEAH

- Oh look and Cardan!!!!!!! Yeah Jude knew what she was doing that’s my girl

- Awwww look at that hug wow the development these two have been through is unreal I’ll keep saying it 

- “I knew little else, but I always knew you” KILL ME

- Oh wow mortals and mingling more with the folk this is good

- Robert of Jersey lmaoooo

- So the Ghost and Taryn ??? Kind of funny but I’m kind of here for it

- I’m literally so close to tears and I’m not kidding they’re having a fucking WEDDING CELEBRATION in the MORTAL WORLD with a banner that says “Congrats Newlyweds” yeah I’m crying now thanks a lot Holly

- Cardan adjusts his paper crown in the microwave reflection so it’s skewed......I don’t think I can react any more I really afjsflsdk

-Wow that was better than anything I could have imagined, hoped for, dreamed of

- The character development, the plot, the resolution, EVERTHING was astounding I’m blown away

This was long as shit If you made it this far, I appreciate you lol. Now go read all three Folk of the Air books again. Go now

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 1: “Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host” - Giraffez

AHHHHHHH AUTUMNS WORLD HI!!!!!! THIS CAST IS AMAZING IM SO EXCITED AND SCARED!!! JINX YES!! AND 4 KILI PEOPLE INCLUDING LILY?? cant wait !!!

Omg! first day and im placed on the Eener tribe <3 love the way it sounds like an alarm so much ! xo love the tribe divisions and love my tribe mates! super excited to get to know them more, and reconnect with others :)

https://youtu.be/9P1GrFrTHnQ

---

it’s the way i keep putting my birthday as the date...as if this is a doctors office and not autumns world...I DONT NEED NO DOCTOR THO I AM CURED IN AUTUMNS WORLD ‼️‼️‼️ anyways manifesting a jinx win 🕯 hi my name is jinx and i am the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. i keep telling myself that. it’s okay to be hungry for the win like i am this time. i can’t let it blind me but it’s okay! it’s okay to say i’m gonna win! if i fail, it’s not smth i haven’t done before. but. im taking a page from autumns book and speaking it into existence. my name is jinx clementine and i WILL BE the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. *uptown funk vc* don’t believe me just WATCH ‼️

It feels absolutely insane to be back. I feel like I’m a bit oversaturated tbh

I can’t believe this cast. Packed with icons. So many people from Kilimanjaro?? I’m just like??? I’m just so excited to play and hope that our team does great. I just don’t want to lose cause I really don’t want to vote any of these other people out! 

when i’m the annoying overactive player... i keep putting my birthday as the month/day/year 😭 so watch out for that. anyways, important announcement: the only song i ever listen to is potential breakup song by aly & aj. i never listen to anything else. if i feel like listening to music that’s what i listen to. it’s been on repeat since 2007. my itunes consists of 1 song, potential breakup song by aly & aj, and the play count is somewhere around 50,000 plays. if you ever see me listening to music, don’t even ask what song i’m listening to, because you know it’s potential breakup song by aly & aj, so why would you even ask

I don't give one fucks, two fucks, red fucks, or blue fucks, I'm gonna put all my effort and energy into this season. I have a point to prove, not to just myself, but to every person who has doubted me in any way. The biggest concern I have is meta gaming, alot of it but its going to be okay. Chris and Jinx? Vibing. Mikki and Captain? that group chat was made 5 minutes into the game. Monty and Lily C are gonna be vibing since they're winners. Lily O and I played fr*nce, but that's... no good. I'm going to just let go and have a great time. This is Autumn's World, and sometimes, we all need to just relax and let nature take its course

Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host....... Legit i was like oh come in have some fun then BOOM FUCKING MESOPOTAMIA FLASH BACK OUT THE GATE so sevice to say I'm nervous as hell about this challenge i so don't want to get voted out first .....or on the same challenge as before so even if we do have to go to tribal hopefully the winning tribe will take pitty on me and you know give me safety

feeling delusional for writing what i wrote about winning 😭🌚 LIKE DKKDKDKDKDKDDKDKKD IM TRYING TO BE MY BEST POSSIBLE SELF AND APPARENTLY THAT FACILITATES DELUSION GOOD NIGHT 

https://youtu.be/FJM9fQW7evY

---

autumn not letting me in the game at first bc i’m mixed. i can hear my ancestors screaming

Yknow I’m not exactly thrilled that the song decision was made without everyone being present but like my stupid night shifts make it completely understandable at the same time. On that topic, though. Party in the USA for our music video, hmm. Not even bleach is that basic.

good morning it’s day 2 in autumn’s world and i don’t feel any better about the whites. ps. daily i love monty 

https://youtu.be/DAXdEjZW1mc

https://photos.app.goo.gl/mQ3vUbaX1nEnsp2Z9

My tribe has a varying amount of timezones which makes it harder to connect with them socially as I cannot PM them as much as I would like to. Additionally, I am finding it difficult to message them because I have to work from 8 to 5 everyday of the week. This sucks because I know I can at least make people like me in the per-merge enough to keep me. However, I can no longer reliably use this strategy. I just have to hope others are way more inactive than me and that my tribe somehow wins immunity. On that note, I am really liking that Mikki and Benj took a leadership role in the tribe. So, they are definitely people I want to keep on this tribe. It would have to be Blake or Khalid that gets the target from me. We'll see how talking to them goes before results.

I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!! Ok so starting with my tribe:

Mikki - ABSOLUTELY THE FAV!!! We got along right away on day 1 and are def the closest in timezones which is so great to have someone like that. Sooo fun and easy to talk to really wanna be #1 allies. I know shes amazing at orgs and won and probs is getting along well with everyone but who cares i wanna play w her!!!! The main thing is too have fun and i just know it will be with Mikki

Captain - Also amazing!!! Super active in helping with the challenge and great personally love that hes gonna do english teaching which is smth i was looking into and also in a closer time zone to me and had fun discussing stuff w him so far!!

Blake - We played Kili together!! Shoutout Autumn for getting 4 Kilis back omg. I was on a tribe with Blake and Autumn together for like 2 rounds and we did vote together once so have some positive history at least hes a bit more quiet compared to the others but hes cool and i think we could do good!

Raffy - Iconic parts in the video challenge and also fun so far!! Havent talked as much as the above 3 but still feeling good about him!

Khalid - Seems nice and friendly but we havent messaged yet and no clue if he will do his lines in the music video :O we'll see But overall love my tribe and the overall cast. LILY THE KILI WINNER QUEEN???????? Cant believe shes back would be so awesome to play w her again since last time we were mainly on opposite sides. JINX MY ONE MONTE FRIEND??? YES!! SO excited i hope we get to tribe swap together since in Monte we werent that close and i voted them off i know such a disgrace but since then we have become more friends so would love to play together!! Also played w Chips in Kili and were sort of friends! Chris we are hosting a season together but i think itll be cancelled tbh no ones applying and we dont know each other at all outside of that but i loved his intro and just started getting into agatha christie literally ordered 2 of her books a few  weeks ago sdhksa cant believe he mentioned her in his intro so super excited to properly meet him. Joey we are sorta friends but i voted him out recently in other game so dunno how he feels abt me!! Everyone else i dont really know but will meet some soon surely WOOO AUTUMNS WORLD

SO THE GAME JUST STARTED so there's not really that much to spill right now but I do really enjoy my tribe. I have my bestie captain who I will protect as much as I possibly can. and I've spent all day yesterday and today talking to benj who I LOVE so so so much. I feel so good with him. SO UM ASAHJSHSJAJHASHJAS IM ON THE SAME TRIBE AS RAFFY WHO UM ASHJSAHASHJ I played with once before where I was super chaotic and I literally fought him (playfully) and it was so messy and chaotic and stupid BUT I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM AND HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME SO WE JSUT WERE LIKE "nice to meet you" and I didn't realise until later and idk if he knows yet and I am not bringing it up COS LIKE IDK I DON'T WANT IT TO GET WEIRD AND MAYBE HE DOESN'T REMEMBER BUT MAYBE HE DOES IDK but besides that I love him a lot he's so fun and his videos for our music video are AMAZING he's so full of life. Khalid hasn't been on much but I really enjoy his energy when he is. he's so cool and lovely. Blake is nice!!!!! but I can't help but feel my instincts being like WATCH HIM. like something inside me is saying beware of this white man.LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS but I just get instincts in games with people sometimes where I just feel like unsettled??? and that's how I feel right now. we're all in different timezones so socialising is the opposite of overwhelming. I've never had a game so quiet in the beginning like this before. but I've never played survivor either. I think I might be okay??? if we went to tribal but I really don't want us to go to tribal pls....

JINX IS OVER ON THE TUA TRIBE BTW and I'm sitting here with grabby hands. I wanna play with them so bad and just get to have our redemption arc because we didn't play on the same side the first time we played so LET ME HAVE THIS I just wanna play with them and have fun with them but they are so far away :((((

I'm so excited overall tho the whole cast looks amazing and I'm having fun so far. this challenge has been a blast and. a great way to bond with everyone. I feel so close to benj already. I really love him a lot. so I'm having a good time yes ashjshajjahs YAY

oh and I also did my tarot and idk where things are going to go exactly but I'm very :eyes: raffy got the tower and Khalid got the devil....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also I wanna play with women at some point PLS PLS I haven't been this surrounded by men since I was a closeted 15 year old surrounded by posters of Robert Pattinson and Taylor lautner

Benj just submitted his version of the music video and it is..... bad. I don't know why Mikki filmed vertically? Like, I feel like that's the first rule of music videos? You have to always film horizontally. Also, some of these people's energies were not giving at all. The beginning waking up part was cute though. It's just.... these people aren't giving what they think they're giving is all I'm saying. And Benj put this weird filter on all my videos that makes it hard to see what's actually going on tbh. Anyways, time to kick the socializing into high gear so as to not get voted out! Or pray that Mikki's version of the video is better

hello autumn's world.. this is captain's speaking. sorry i'm one day late to this confessional booth stuff but i'm here and i'm ready to give u some tea. *ahem* thanks jarod for these questions.

1. How do you feel about your starting team? Anyone you are happy/upset to see? OOOOH i feel like my team is very CUTE! like i didn't think autumn was gonna put me and mikki in the same tribe lmao .. i thought it was gonna be divided from ur race and u know mikki is white and i'm not. ANYWAYS, im happy to see mikki in my team of course. thats my ride or die and i know i'm gonna have someone i can 100% trust no matter what for sure. but blake knows for sure that mikki and i are very close so thats gonna be interesting. which leads to the next part, i'm kinda eh with blake in my tribe thats only because our previous experience in CoW so i just hope that its gonna be better here this time *prays*.. for others, i don't know them before so i'm excited to get to know them!!!

2. Who are you most excited to play with on the cast? Most afraid of? oh of course mikki for sure and another person is geekoffilm cause u know we're like besties besties and i love both of them so much. most afraid of... probably monty tbh. they tried to gun for me/mikki(/cora) in jarod's mini so i think they know that mikki and i are gonna be tight so i'm just gonna have to keep an eyes on them cause they are a great player.

3. What are your first impressions of everyone based on this first challenge? OH GOD. i love benj!! benj is very organized so we started off pretty well. i threw out lush life randomly and then we decided to go with lush life, how cute!!! but yea, benj and mikki have done lots of works and i love THEM. RAFFY ALSO DID AMAZING in his parts!!! like he has PROPS and his camp is sooooo summery and AHH he's so great. blake.. ahem if blake didn't look at his lyrics at the first part, it would've been a bit better. and idk about khalid. i'm very worried cause khalid hasn't sent any of his parts yet. and like he seems inactive??? so idk but i don't wanna lose the points for full team participation :oooooh: I DIDNT JUST SHOW ANYONE I CANT DANCE TO LOSE AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DANCE AND MAKE MY LEGS ACHE JUST TO LOSE!!! SOBS!! but that is a sign that tells me i should exercise more x ANYWAYS!!!! its just interesting point to add x

4. What is your strategy going into the first portion of the game? trying to lay low and build some connections with ppl from my tribe. benj and raffy for sure. i rlly like their vibes so i need to stick with them. and just try not to lose challenges cause its gonna be suck voting one of them out. also, if we somehow win, i want to send someone who i can trust moving forward to exiled island.. but we'll see. its gonna be a lot of thinking and convincing people.

5. How do you want other people in the game to view you in the early stages of the game? as someone who they can trust and talk to and someone who always puts effort into challenges cause thats what most important in the first stage of the game.. i'll come back here after results x

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD IM PISSED! not about raffy getting sent to the outback. its what raffy deserved. i like raffy so thats fine i just need to work on my relationship with him after he comes back. BUT KHALID. GOD. he just doesnt care about the challenge AT ALL. he was inactive. he didnt even talk about the challenge. and then coming to the chat and telling us SORRY after we have submitted… god thats BS. we literally all put our effort into this. and for someone who just dont care about the pandemic (idk about the uk but i guess they allow partying now) and go out and party. GOD i mean he’s going back to bahrain anyways WELL GUESS WHAT, HERE IS ANOTHER PLANE TICKET HOME. take that and sashay away babe

---

cause thats just FUCKED UP. everyone put their efforts in. benj — his leg is HURTING he cant move much btut he still did his parts and helped us with the editing. RAFFY — he literally worked 8 to 5 but he still found time to just shoot his parts and like more random parts. blake — well even though he didnt study the song much, he still did it and he is a team player. MIKKI — well u know i love mikki and ik how much shes in her head for this challenge but every scene she is on, i smile watching her because she just did it SO WELL PLUS she stayed up late for khalid and her health is not good. fucked up khalid u done fucked up enough. hope u enjoyed ur short time at autumns world.

First challenge, done, middle of the road WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, absolutely love that my music video streak has been continuing! Coming into this game, I felt absolutely nervous as hell about playing with 2 winners on my team, but in all honesty, I’m gonna take the Jinx approach- Embrace it, you don’t get another opportunity like this. I love the fact that I’m being more engaged than before and that’s what I want to be, especially in confessionals. I’m always trying to be better, and how can I better myself I HATE THE WAY MARV ALBERT PRONOUNCES PARENTHESES, YOU DON’T SAY IT LIKE “THE C’s”? JESUS MARV ITS GONNA BE YOUR LAST GAME YOU CALL IN YOUR CAREER COME ON MAN.

---

I hate to be called Joestradamus, but when Captain or Mikki get voted out first because of how tight knit they are, don’t @ me

*slides into splits* WE WON YES YES YES YES WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH

re khalid missing the challenge: no everyone in our team worked rlly hard on that except khalid who went out fucking partying then he lied about going to send the vid soon cause you know what if he already filmed his parts, looking for a vid and click send are not that hard he fucking told us he was about to send ASAP and then disappeared and then had the NERVE to tell us AFTER THE DEADLINE that he's so SORRY OH PLS

This tribe name is Autumn's last name backwards! https://thumbs.gfycat.com/VigorousBiodegradableIrishterrier-size_restricted.gif  

Now that that is out of the way, let me list my tribemates... Giraffez Joey Lily C Lily O Monty. Something is incredibly amusing about how there is a tribe with someone named Chips and someone named Giraffez. What is not amusing is that I get a "I don't like/want to speak to/etc." vibe from Giraffez? I could just be a delicate and annoying flower but our conversations have been short and dry. Joey has some great high energy and excitement and I love that he loves being part of this game. He is also pretty fun to talk to. Hoping that we can keep an open dialogue and that perhaps I can rope him into a future alliance of sorts. Lily C is a sweetheart truly and I adore her personality so much. She is such a go-getter and goes to bat for those with who she feels can be loyal. I'm hoping that we can build loyalty and trust together. Lily O has been busy with work at a bowling alley. That's actually really cool because when I was a child that was my dream job. Not even joking... my parents were in leagues when I was growing up and my brother and I entered ones designed for children. It was a big thing in my family and I thought that I would love to be in that "atmosphere" all the time. Anyway, we haven't spoken until after the results were announced so honestly if I had to guess I was their intended target if we had had tribal council and they were mine?? (perhaps...) It has been really nice getting to connect with Monty and really cool finding out that they are beginning job searching after college and thinking of pursuing education as a career. I have a soft spot in my heart for all educators.

Okay so I'm just going to say this now. Autumn needs to simplify the twists to more like Blue's Clues with an OBVIOUS large blue paw prints where I'm supposed to look. I have no idea what that announcement was about war rooming someone into the game and feel like I"m fifty million steps behind these big-brained people who figured it out. https://media2.giphy.com/media/m59avtxDzXeiQ/200.gif

I think that I missed the message about what we do with tickets or I'm still just as clueless as previously stated but I am intrigued nonetheless. I think even if I knew what to do with them I would just hoard them like I would Chuck E. Cheese tickets in case something else came along. Hope they're not like Fire Tokens and let you buy like Peanut Butter and Idols because I am anti- fire token. https://media.tenor.com/images/d7de1f75f2c43f8e044e958b964430fa/tenor.gif

On a side note, I'm paranoid when I see people on calls because even if they're not talking about me or plotting they are potentially aligning with each other and that does not include me. I don't really know much about how calls work on Discord as I am a pretty big noob generally speaking with the platform but it did say that Joey and Giraffez were on a call earlier?? I'm stressed. https://media0.giphy.com/media/3o7TKRwpns23QMNNiE/200.gif --- http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-post-savage-blindside.gif

https://voca.ro/1lb9WKsDr6xA

Ok.....so after talking to Joey a little ive learned a few things mikki is a bit of a beast Benj is well......social to and everyone despised Mesopotamia........which i get from the stuff that pumped me up to 16th place that season but I'm mostly hoping that i can make it to the end this time....... So far I've talked to pretty much everyone Lilly and Joey and monty not sure which one really but the one whose discord is 13survivirgirl13 so hopefully soon i can work out some kind of an alliance with them and if we swap or merge from three to two either next week or the week after (probably the week after honestly) i feel i can maybe set us up as one and us four can really rule the roost for a moment....hopefully.....who knows i could just he a delusional old queen whose doomed to be nothing more then premerge every time i play tumblr survivor......or maybe I'm just crazy *shrugs* either way it should be a damn good hoot

we won the first challenge, god bless. which brings up something funky i realized: that the best part about winning immunity is having the day off. and also…idk something just doesn’t sit right…the way autumn was emphasizing that someone would be eliminated from the game…like….hm……….idk….never trust a bitch named after a season!

omg we lost AHHHH but thankfully we have an easy boot sorry khalid im glad i dont have to vote mikki captain or blake eeek pls lets win the next one

I'm totally pumped for this game! Like when I saw my tribe and Jinx is on it I screamed! I want us to have the same success of being together at ftc!! Jude honestly is great to me and I'm enjoying getting to know her a lot, Ricky I remember from HvV4 but we both say no to that and start anew! Bryan I am hopeful to talk more since its been dry and that is okay. Sucks we ended losing Michelle early but I am sure it was for the best! We WILL reign successful

---

Yesterday was so stressful to me like editing I have no problem with but I thought my biggest worry was that I needed Bryan to submit stuff late-ish. But turns out an hour before due time thd program wanted to stop working 🙃🥲 and I felt so close to wanting to forfeit- which is something I never do but I just felt hopeless and guilty and even imagined getting voted out. So I had to call Jinx who assured me something could be salvaged and they'd make sure I would stay (rip Bryan) but after the extension by cool hosts I found encouragement and did my magic stuff. SOMEHOW we won and to be honest I dont think anything will top that feeling of relief in the org (give me 3 days) but man what a ride yesterday was for me!

I got a Super Idol! Well, at least I now know that I can fuck around in this game a little bit more since I have this extra insurance in my back pocket which guarantees I stay around in the long run. I want to start getting into alliances because being a solo person with not much time on their hands is definitely a scary position to be in. Preferably, I want an alliance with Nikki and Benj (though I suspect that they already have an alliance with at least one other person on the tribe). It does suck that I am not at tribal considering that it will help build my bonds even stronger. I guess I just have to suffer for the time being

i think this is gonna be an easy vote cause khalid needs to go. but idk you can never feel safe in survivor :/ but so far everyone has been telling me they're voting khalid so lets pray

Omg that immunity was so hard, I literally did not know what I was doing and I think out of everyone I was a bit lackluster. I will say on the tribe I have not really talked to all of them but I will say I trust Jinx the most and we have talked a lot and I think that moving forward we will have each others back. All I need to do is talk to the rest of the tribe and form bonds that will last me to a swap or merge. 

https://youtu.be/kKOciJGjrzw

https://youtu.be/mx7WPjx8zCk

---

khalid babe this ones for you 🥺 https://youtu.be/QX2boYNUbxw

[myapogee]

therapy is expensive but tumblr read mores are free. (not that i want anyone to therapy me, i just need to vent)

at dinner i was like very obviously Not Good so my mom asked me about it and i sorta hummed and hahhed until saying how i just really hate my job and wanna quit and later this month i’m gonna talk to my boss about that to see if we cant find a way to make me Hate My Job Less

and my sister came in at some point, missing part of the convo, and was like “well if you’re going to quit, you need to start looking for work before then” and my mom’s all like, “yeah put your resume on linked in or indeed, etc”

and like. i told them i wasnt gonna quit for awhile, i’ll just let my boss know i’m unhappy and have a few months to work thru it and try to get happier and if that fails THEN i will quit.

but the reason i said that is because i dont wanna tell them my real back up plan which is “actually i dont wanna live at all, so if i quit or get fired i’ll probably just kill myself” bc that is not good etiquette to mention at the dinner table

idk i feel like. like when i was younger i was at a point where i was like “i want to die, but so does everyone else, so i guess i’ll keep living because they somehow do”. and then i learned i was wrong so i went into “i want to want to live, so i’m gonna make the most of what i have, now that i know wanting to die isn’t normal”. 

and now im just. like. fucking exhausted from trying that hard. i want to die, and i recognize that a certain amount of other people do too, and many of those other people either Actually Just Die or they get help or something i dont fucking know how the other ones get thru that tbh bc if i did i wouldnt be where i am. 

what if i just. spent my week off from work putting all my things into boxes. like drawings that i dont want my family to see into the recycling or a box labeled “please burn this if you respected me at all”. put some women’s clothes into a box labeled “never been worn: donate to good will”. etc etc. and then just. i dont fucking know man. i googled some stuff about overdosing on pills and google was like “here’s the suicide prevention hotline number”. thanks google, ya mean well. 

everyday just kinda sucks. and then if one thing goes a little wrong i spend the remainder wanting to die. and there are good moments. there are funny youtube videos. there are good tv shows. there are games of cards against humanity with my family and of D&D type games with online friends. there’s stuff that brings me joy. but its like. guess its fucking selfish of me to say but it’s... not enough? 

the biggest thing is almost def my job. and if i enjoyed it more, things would probably be better. so i should quit and find a new one. thats just. easier said than done.i wish my job could go back to being what it used to be. but things changed like a year ago or maybe two years now idfk time is an illusion. and its just. been shit ever since. 

i’ve started learning portuguese more seriously. been doing the few minutes a day on a couple different apps. i think. my ideal existence. would be moving out to my grandmother’s home in portugal, living alone now that they’ve moved on. it’s lovely there year round, so i get my exercise walking to the lil convenience store, getting some things to eat and bake with, having bread delivered by the bread truck to my home every day. the house is paid for, so all i have are utilities and food. which i pay for thru commissions online. maybe some sore of artwork with the local people. there’s land, and anyone who wants it can do with it what they will but all i ask is if they grow any food i get a little now and then. i get to be a hermit, but i’ll help out my neighbors now and then, and i know they’ll help me too. it’s a community, but with its share of isolation, and without the obligations i feel here. i grow old, having lived my own life on my own time. eventually, i’m found dead there, by a curious neighbor who didn’t care quite enough to find me before it was too late. but it wasn’t suicide. just age and the problems that come with it. but i’ve lived with minimal capitalism, with few to no family or friends or pets. there’s solace, silence, and peace. i have lived life, and can leave it without worry.

... that wont happen though. as long as my parents are alive, i am bound to them, and if i did manage to leave this house and go anywhere at all never mind portugal i dont think i would be free of the worry over them. familial obligation, holidays, etc. i can’t live without worry while i’m avoiding them and feeling guilty about it. but i can’t live as myself without worry while i’m still shackled to them too. if i stay alive, i’ll be in limbo for years as they grow older and i need to help take care of them or find people/places that can take care of them for me but that i need to pay for. etc etc. there’s so much. responsibility in this world. that i never asked for. god i just wish i was never born, really. it’s amazing to me now that anyone can have kids. like raise orphans or whatever sure. but to actually birth a child into this existence, knowing how terrible the world is? why would you choose to put someone through that? why force them to experience this, it’s dreadful. 

this. okay that latest paragraph, i wanna be clear, i 100% am not ever gonna kill someone. like i’m not gonna hurt my parents so i can live free or whatever, and i’m not saying taking someone out of this life is better than bringing them into it, etc. i’m suicidal sure but i’m not a fucking asshole.

anyways.

pls don’t... fucking reply to this in any way or even acknowledge it. i know it all already okay? the pandemic has brought people down. capitalism brings people down. the fucking winter and its holidays bring people down. i know. 

its just. a painful cycle to be in. and i really think. there’s only one way to break it. and we’re all gonna die eventually so it’s just. how long do i have to feel like shit. before i’ve earned freedom from feeling anything at all. why push back the inevitable. when it would benefit me so much to fucking embrace it.

[nanyoky]

AWWW YEAH KIDS. I am HYPED. I woke up stupidly early for zero reason, Infinity War trailer came out, I talked to my leasing agent, steamed some tablecloths at work, came home, shotgunned one on an empty stomach and now i’m READY WITH SUSHI AND CIDER

oh my god we have a fucking saw/blair witch/every shitty horror movie from the 90s and 00s “this is REAL people” intro i’ve only had one piece of sushi i’m not PREPARED for this

i’m assuming these pairs are all just people who have just boned. bughead. varchie. josyle. ....mackler?

jughead’s like “don’t blame yourself babe let me offer emotional comfort in this trying time” and betty’s just “shut up i’m solving a MYSTERY.”

((this is the exact point i paused to jump over to tumblr and type that last i’d like to thank not only god but jesus))

he just called her poirot they definitely banged. changing from cute nicknames that imply your gf is a fresh faced young lady detective to “lol babe you’re such a mustachioed old man” is def one of those comfortable, intimate signs you’ve touched each other’s business 

me, @ penny’s bangs: you again

“messed up that pretty face of his” fp jones was the town bicycle and worked his way through literally everyone in his age demographic before 30, confirmed

jughead is such a sweet bean. so sweet. such a bean. fully realizes that violence is a regular part of his dad’s life. has experienced some of this violence himself (the gauntlet). still spirals into a panic at hearing his dad got beat up.

penny peabody is the shadiest person on this show and that is SAYING something. she is just- LOVING the powertrip. she LIVES for this. jughead- wide eyed, panicked, offering all he has and anything else she can think of- her black little heart is beating out a samba

i can’t fucking WAIT to find out that fp is fine and hasn’t been hassled one bit but the goulies in jail and penny just came up with this story for the  LEVERAGE

cheryl pushes her way between jarchie with josie in her wake because they have gay things to do that require the full span of the hallway

there is a CHAIN on this box

archie’s fantasy for their future is the gayest thing i’ve ever heard is he about to propose

“where are betty and veronica in this?” because jughead knows he’s about to get a marraige proposal and fully intends to say yes but doesn’t want the core four to get weird. “they’re roommates” because archie supports beronica

of course the tire goes out and the old guy from every horror flick of the 80s pulls over to offer some folksy yet sinister help

“you’re not seriously going to go with this guy alone, are you?” archie keeps whiplashing from “pretty but dumb” to “only person with any fucking sense in this town” so fast i have a headache

“you’ve come this far. we’re all good. okay?” oh my god. oh my god. jughead is REASSURING archie that he hasn’t failed him in this favor. now. as he is about to drive off into the night with ol man smithers who definitely has a suspicious amount of rope and knives in his glovebox. this what he takes the time to communicate. i am feeling DELICATE.

“don’t look under that tarp boy” DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY?? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY??? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY????

YASSSSSS. what did i say a few months ago huh??? what did i say? i said “god i hope season 2 doesn’t abandon the mega creepy trend of people comparing archie to jason.” and lo. the creepy dude on the road delivers. my savior.

oh fuck me sideways was that the title card i’ve been drinking on an empty stomach don’t judge me

there is so much about this episode that’s giving me a heavy Jeepers Creepers vibe

jesus christ riverdale has had MULTIPLE SERIAL KILLERS in this guys lifespan. the town with pep. has had two serial killers. currently has two active gangs. HOW MANY PEOPLE EVEN LIVE HERE?!

whut the fuck why is archie seeing good trip bambi

honestly jughead i feel like if someone says “don’t look under that tarp boy” and you’re SURPRISED when you see blood leaking out of the tarp at least like 20% of this is on you

i feel like jughead probably went from “oh phew it’s a deer” to “nope definitely a sicko” in the second it took for this guy to assure him that his hunting does not make him comparable to a serial killer

jughead perks up at “slaughtered family” because he’s read in cold blood 50 times and can’t wait to bring it up again

archie came back for his boi i’m so proud right now my heart is so full

teh crate says “wiscatonic ((as in whiskey-tonic)) university via h.p. lovecraft” and “polar expedition january 13 1923″ because this show loves me and wants me to be happy

PENNY IS MAKING A POWER GRAB WITH THE KING IN JAIL HELP I’M SO ALIVE

great soundtrack choice

these boys are just being so TENDER rn this is what i signed up for i need to lie down

fucking told you fp’s fine

“or raise your voice to me ever again” HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. PENNY. FUCKING PEABODY.

“fp made me a promise he didn’t keep” oh my goodness. oh my golly. oh my goshdarnit.

JOSIE SIDEPLOT

again it’s really hard to remember that these characters are kids cuz none of the actors look like teenagers but a mom being like “honey there is a serial killer on the loose and yo’re the mayor’s daughter can you maybe not go walking alone after dark” is a pretty fucking reasonable request. get a walking buddy jos come on.

oh yes that is not a remotely sinister gift tag “i’ll be watching you” is a totally normal harmless crush thing to say

“are you the one putting things in my locker” “well i can be” “ew.” ICONIC EXCHANGE.

“i don’t date” yes my love for josie just increased

“Chuck asked me out” “im assuming you said no” “of course.” “good because our wedding is next year and i’ve already got way too many deposits out”

no the supporting cats are back only to break things off with alpha kitty nooooo

oof chuck’s turnin a new leaf OR IS HE

also this begs an interesting question about loyalties because clearly josie is all about supporting other women, and season one cheryl is very much okay with aligning herself with season one chuck, but cheryl and josie are very tight from day one so do they talk about these kinds of things? did season one cheryl downplay her combativeness and full ability to step on every woman around herself to lift herself up around josie because she wanted kisses?  i need answers.

okay so chuck is trying to be a better person and i guess this is sweet but last episode i was half committed to hitching my wagon to josie/reggie???? what am i supposed to do now?! i’m not fickle! but this is getting more time and development and i’m so tired of fighting the tides of canon. my life is HARD okay guys.

“You’re in here doing THE TWIST” this woman deserves an oscar for saying that with a straight face

okay but WHY keep this from people. unless she’s getting further communication. unless she’s being threatened. GOD I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE BEING TOLD TO HUSH UP BUT WE’RE NOT SEEING IT ON SCREEN I CAN’T WAIT IF THAT GETS REVEALED

josie has the exact same hairdo three days in a row because it’s the same SUBPLOT

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE A DAMNED SHOULDER PAD PENNY IS THAT YOU

OMG PARALLEL PLOTS THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON WOW I’M DRUNK THAT TOOK ME AWHILE TO CATCH UP

okay so now cheryl is all about condemning misogyny- i mean it makes sense with her season 2 subplot but like kinda some 180 here no?

like why why is she so quick to say it’s him when it doesn’t fit. what gain. other than a smokescreen because she’s being threatened by the real perpetrator to throw suspicion I AM SO TIRED BUT I NEED ANSWERS

“there’s no evidence” “well keep looking” mayor mackers is such a sleeper shady person in this town

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK CHERYL

CHERYL CHERYL CHERYL

WHAT THE FUCK

Kevin: “my dad’s been acting shady” beronica: “SUSPECT. TUMBLR WAS RIGHT.”

“he’s the black hood” “he’s having an affair” “Maybe he’s having an affair AND he’s the black hood” JESUS CHRIST

oh no what are you going to do veronica please don’t try to seduce your friends dad i don’t think i can handle that

sheriff k seems REAL ready to share details of an ongoing investigation with the school newspaper. maybe betty has just worn him down

KEVIN IS A CLOSET TABLETOP NERD HELP ME I NEED TO KNOW MORE HOW DID HE GET INTO THIS DO HE AND BETTY PLAY THIS DID HE MAKE JOAQUIN PLAY THIS I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE

why is THIS the comedic subplot of the episode i mean i love it but HONESTLY!?

oh god please don’t tell me these are sex grunts stop grunting sheriff k

he is so uncomfortable veronica stop

OOOOOOHHHHHHH kevin’s mom is miliatary. gotcha. that had been nagging at me.

oh frick oh dang. it’s too early in the season for this but DANG SHERIFF K GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DO

“i’m in. for kevin’s sake. and also to keep you in check” every friendgroup needs a veronica I desperately need a veronica

oh god no this is a trainwreck betty stop this

FUCKIN CALLED IT  MACKLER SAILS YASS

GAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Episode Scorecard:

# of sick beat drop editing sequences: none that i counted- nice use of retro tho.

do i still miss joaquin: yes. even moreso now that i’m reminded of the missed opportunity of he and the sheriff meeting. can you fucking imagine how awkward? IMAGINE IT. also i miss polly. either bring them back or write me a fic where they’re chillin together safe from harm.

episode hair mvp: Melody’s confrontation afro

episode outfit mvp: cheryl’s very bisexual romper. honorable mention to veronica’s very veronica pjs

cast and crew mvp: editing. some really nice throwbacks and genre motifs as well as use of comedic editing style. it all felt natural too which is hard to pull off. well done in the cutting room. also whoever made the stamps for that drug crate. and gave the shady truck dude that hat.

[moreracquetball]

what are some of your favorite things to write? in general, but also dialogue vs description and why,, also (though im sure you've been asked this before) which are your fav songs from the marvin trilogy & why? :0

Ahhh, i love love love love this ask a lot!!

My favorite thing to write is probs anaphoras (I think that’s what they’re called?) Here’s an example of what I mean from my Whizzvin College AU:

And Whizzer wants to go back to how things were before—when it was just fun, with mouths pressed against inner thighs and secret glances when out with friends and arguing for the sake of getting the other to take his pants off.

But no, no, no, Whizzer wants to go back to how things were before even that—when they hated each other and it seemed like it would always stay that way, with mouths shooting off snappy retorts and pointed glares when out with friends and arguing just for the sake of hearing themselves talk.

Whizzer wishes that Marvin had never kissed him that day. He wishes that he himself could have been smart and kind enough to not kiss Marvin back.

Anyone who’s ever read one (1) fic of mine knows that I like to use repetition of phrases and sentence/paragraph parallels. I just love how it makes the prose really flow with a rhythm, you know???

I really like description (esp bc then I can use metaphors and imagery and try to make pretty prose that just ends up sounding like purple prose when I read it back), but I think I’m wayyy better and more well-practiced at writing dialogue. My dialogue is never really choppy (maybe a little over-flowy at times but it’s usually p okay) and I feel like my descriptions (of another character, of the setting, of the narrator’s feelings, etc) is a hit or miss a lot of the times, so I’m more comfortable writing dialogue.

My favorite songs from the Marvin trilogy, you ask????

In Trousers:

1. My Chance to Survive the Night

It’s the most pivotal moment of the entire musical and the peak of Marvin’s character arc. After spending the entirety of the story having a sexuality crisis (wondering over whether he liked guys, whether he liked girls and guys, whether he liked girls at all in hindsight), Marvin finally accepts his homosexuality and commits to his true identity and literally says “that’s it for girls.” The music is also very jazzy and slow (compared to the majority of In Trousers songs, which have very fast melodies), and I just really loved Chip Zien’s voice here in particular. Esp at the very end, when he just lets it all go and starts belting it out, my heart skips a beat. It’s my favorite song of In Trousers.

2. A Breakfast Over Sugar

I love the exploration of Marvin and Trina’s relationship pre-divorce. Esp after knowing in hindsight how they react/treat to one another in the later sequels (obviously, I had listened to Falsettos before In Trousers and only knew of Marvin and Trina’s relationship in that sense as bitter exes), this song just brings a lot of context and depth to their relationship and past. It shows Trina’s desperation and willingness to play house and be unhappy, and it shows Marvin’s growth of character as he is through playing this charade and wants something real in his life - even if he has to give up all that he had ever known. The duet is also written very realistically and uniquely (it sounds more like free-flowing dialogue than lyrics to a song, if that makes sense??), and the slow piano just - ughhh, KILLS ME. Wow i ranted a bit sorry about that.

3. Another Sleepless Night

It’s one of the songs that gives pretty equal attention to all four of the characters and not just Marvin, which i really like. It also shows how Marvin has affected each of the women in his life even after years of separation and just how selfish Marvin has really been throughout his life and how much he has taken from these women. I’m also obsessed with the lines “I know this girl. I call her my wife. She is my wife. She is my thorn in the bushes. No happy endings and no fuss. What a girl, what a saint, what a wife ain’t is my wife. So I sleep in a bed too big for one person. I’m big for one person. But this bed is bigger than both of us.”

March of the Falsettos

1. This Had Better Come to a Stop

First of all??? Just the music in general is??? A full-fledged banger??? But even aside from the scarily catchy melody, I love how much it adds to the story by demonstrating like a “typical” day in their lives and how they all bitch and accuse and heart-break over one another. It shows Marvin’s selfishness and meanness, and it shows Trina’s anger and heartbreak, and it shows Whizzer’s frustration and helpless, and it shows Mendel breaking through the barriers of this tight-knit family and wedging himself in there, and it shows Jason in the background of it all, watching with wide, disappointed eyes. It also has the parallels between Whizzer and Trina (the whole “I met this man today…” and trying to make Marvin jealous; as well as the shared look of pain and the soft “this is all very neat”), which I am 100% HERE FOR OMG. And it has the blessed line: “AND STILL THE BASTARD DIVORCED ME.”

2. I Never Wanted To Love You

I could actually talk about this song for approximately 100,000 hours, so I’ll try to keep it short. For one, it’s right after the most climatic scene of the musical (”Marvin Hits Trina”), which makes the song all the more devastating. Mainly, love it because it shows 1) the complex nature of all these characters’ relationships/dynamics with one another (all of which have been driving the whole plot and theme) and 2) It’s the beginning of Marvin’s redemption arc and him confessing his wrong-doings and the root of his insecurities. I love the slow, melancholic melody and the harmonies and the lyrics, and it’s just - really really really powerful.

3. I’m Breaking Down

It’s def my fave solo of the Act 1 AT THE VERY LEAST. It’s just so hilarious and Stephanie J. Block KILLS IT OH MY L O R D and I love Trina a lot and it’s just one of the more light-hearted songs that never fails to hype me up and make me smile

Falsetto Land

1. A Day in Falsettoland

It’s just so pure and happy and I love the little piano bit. Mendel is esp hilarious in the first part (and it’s the closest that he’s ever come to a solo soooo i love it lots) and Trina is i c o n i c and the lesbians are sooo cute (Tracie KILLS IT ESP - OHHHHHHH HER “DO YOU KNOOOWWWW HOW GREAT MY LIFE IS?”) and it shows how Marvin and Whizzer’s relationship has matured and grown stable and less toxic and they all tell me that “everything will be alright” and every single time, I almost believe them.

2. Year of the Child

I just really love the melody and the choreography and vocals. Marvin and Trina are like so very cute in this song bc it shows how much they both adore Jason, and Mendel is such an icon, and it’s the introduction of the lesbians next door!! What more could you ask for????

3. What Would I Do?

Honestly I can’t even talk about how much I adore this one - how often I binge-listen to it and feel my heart sink and swell - how all the layers and melancholy and references and harmonies and just everything about it can move me to tears. It’s so so so so so good and so so so so important and I could write 10k words dissecting the lyrics and context and overall meaning and purpose, but for now i’m just going to shut up.

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[moritzstiefelwiki]

Yooo for the detailed headcanon meme would u mind doing like... all the ones ure able to for Hanschen? Like feel free to skip as many as u want but itd be cool to hear ur thoughts on my Best Boy

Um? Little Hansy Rilow? Jackass Extraordinaire? Love of my life? Ofc I’ll do as many as I can!! Thanks so much for sending these! I hope you like them and I’m sorry they took me so long! (Also I answered these out of order and towards the end I was running a bit low on steam so there are some answers that are Not So Good mixed in there, sorry)

Under the cut or on Ao3 here :) 

1. What does their bedroom look like?

I think for the most part it would be tidy. Bed made, desk (mostly) clear, etc. He’s got some laundry on the floor, a couple of books lying about, and his jacket as well as his school things are never put away but everything else is in it’s place. 

His desk is by the window so he can make good use of natural light and It’s usually got assignments for school on it as well as whatever books might go along with them when he’s not using it. 

He keeps a small collection of books in his room- his favourites. Whatever he’s currently reading is kept on his bedside table and everything else is stacked by his desk but they should be on the shelf in the living room. 

He’s a nerd.

2. Do they have any daily rituals?

 I don’t think he would, not outside what he needs to do (school). Not unless you count him monologuing while he masturbates as a ritual, I have a feeling that’s a daily thing. 

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

 He does not, he would much rather lounge somewhere comfy with something he finds enjoyable. A book, a person, a puzzle, etc. 

4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

I can see him being like “Everybody, get out of my way” (This is meant to be read in John Mulaney’s voice from the thing where he followed this with something like “I’m just here to feed my birds”) but I can also see him just clearing enough space for himself and getting to work. I guess it depends on who’s in the kitchen making what and what he’s going to be making. He’s not going to be interrupting someone that’s making cake or pastries just so he can cut vegetables in peace. 

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

His parents/governess were somewhat strict about cleanliness when he was a child so he makes an effort to keep himself well groomed, especially when adults are present. No dirt under his fingernails, his clothes and hair are neat etc. He’s less concerned about it when he’s with the other boys and even less when he’s relaxing, either by himself or with Ernst, but he still somewhat pays attention to how much dirt he’s getting on himself or how much work it will take him to make himself look properly presentable before he finds himself around adults again. 

I think I got into workspace okay with his bedroom? He’s mostly tidy because he has to be, any disorder in his room can easily be taken care of. 

6. Eating habits and sample daily menu

I think he would love sweet things (candy, fruit, berries, etc) and he’s always a slut for baked goods. I have no idea what kind of things ppl usually ate in 1890′s Germany. 

7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

He only really considers time wasted if he’s not spending it on something he likes to do or needs to do. So he has no favourite way to waste time, he only feels as though he’s wasting time if he’s bored out of his mind for no good reason. 

8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

Ernst. It really isn’t safe for him to be smooshing booties in a vineyard with another boy but? He’s doing it. And being all poetic about it too ofc, he really likes Ernst. 

If he can indulge he will, he loves it. Life’s too short to deny himself pleasure, so long as said pleasure doesn’t harm him and/or get in the way of him becoming a millionaire.  

9. Makeup?

None. I can see him maybe trying, or at least wanting to try makeup at some point? Never with anyone around or if there was a chance of someone catching him though. (I’m a sucker for boys in makeup tho and I think modern Hanschen would enjoy makeup. If u want to hear a bit more abt that u know how 2 contact me)

10. Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

Neurotypical Hans™

11. Intellectual pursuits?

Literature and languages. He loves reading, loves diving into a book and analyzing characters, plot, symbolism, all of it. He loves talking about them as well, he could talk for hours about his favourites. He’s fascinated by other languages and speaks a handful rather fluently as an adult. He probably also enjoys reading the same book but translated into different languages because no translation is exact and it’s always interesting to see a slightly different take on things. 

I can also see him having interest in biology? Because science is fascinating and it’s amazing how diverse and intricately designed living things can be. 

12. Favorite book genre?

He talks about the books he likes when he’s jerking off so I don’t think I really need to get into that lmao 

13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

Multisexual. Bi/pan/ply/whatever. A pretty person is a pretty person & all that.

I think he might see the idea of sexual orientation as a little silly or perhaps performative? He understands that he’s expected to only like women and knows that once he’s older he’ll be expected to marry one, to have children etc etc. So for the most part he keeps his attraction to men to himself (Ernst being a very obvious exception, likely not the only one but it’s not something he would ever reveal lightly) and he thinks that most people are doing the same in order to avoid being judged negatively by their community.

Something along the lines of “everyone is only acting like they’re exclusively attracted to the opposite sex because it’s what’s seen as normal. They don’t want everyone else to point fingers at them calling them sinners and sexual deviants and condemning them to hell so they deny themselves half the beauty the world has to offer. For this same reason, they’re quick to attack anyone around them who might be revealed as queer. They’re so focused on keeping their own secret safe that they never realize everyone around them is keeping exactly the same one.”  

14. Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?

Biggest: “When I am amillionaire”Smallest: I don’t think he has any small goals tbh ? 

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

I’m not rly sure what this one’s asking tbh?? He likes looking nice tho.

18. Favorite beverage?

Hot chocolate 

19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Have you prayed tonight, Desdemona?

(I think a recurring theme would be his future- what he wants, what he can get, how he can get it etc.)

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

21. Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

I’m stickin 2 sex ones bc otherwise it’s Too Vague and stresses me tf out tbh

Turn-ons: hair pulling, necking (he loves hickies but he’s strict about not having any that might be visible), being straddled, nice thighs, a good ass, little gasps and moans, begging

Turn-offs: bad kissing, poor hygiene, not listening to/paying attention to his feedback, going too fast (Mr. “half-closed eyes, half-open mouths, and turkish draperies” would Def love foreplay and teasing,, trying to skip right over it is? A no.)

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

23. How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

See 1  

24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

See 11 (he’s pretty good at everything tho)

25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

Long dead because it’s 2017, but 5 years from the show he probably sees himself in university. 

26. Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

I don’t know what his plans would be but I’m sure he’s got some cushy career in mind that he wants to work towards. He’s a Rilow, he doesn’t need a backup plan. 

27. What is their biggest regret?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Ernst. His worst enemy is probably whoever is second in the class rankings, if you go by the play. Melchior in the musical. Little Hans is In It To Win It. 

29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

His brain shuts down for a minute and then he realizes that yes, this is happening and oh dear god I need to get out of here. He tries (and fails) to give the impression that he is calm, cool, and collected but he’s doing pretty good for someone who is screaming internally as loudly as he is.    

30. Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

He just keeps going. He tries to act like everything is fine, to show that he’s strong. The second he’s alone he deflates. He’s depressed af but does everything he can to hide it. 

31. Most prized possession?

I’m not sure what exactly, but it’s something fancy and adult that makes him feel sophisticated. He won’t admit how much he loves it though. 

32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

33. Concept of home and family?

He thinks of it as faintly ridiculous. 

“Why are these people somehow more important than others simply because you share blood? Shouldn’t the value of your relationship with someone have more to do with how well you get along and care for each other? What’s the point of marriage, you put on a show so you can have children as you’re expected to and this absurd cycle repeats with your children and so on.”

34. Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

He greatly values his privacy, he usually only shares exactly as much information as is necessary. Unless he trusts you, in which case he doesn’t s hut the fu ck u p 

35. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

See 7

36. What makes them feel guilty?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

Analytical for the most part. He knows what he wants out of life and  what he needs to do to put him on the path to getting it. I feel like he operates with a mindset a bit like “people can leave you but things are forever” and so he’s pretty okay with making decisions that hurt people (himself included) if it will benefit him financially, academically, raise his social status etc. 

38. Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

A? I don’t know tbh, my knowledge about this is limited to the 30 seconds I spent skimming the wiki article   

39. What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Peace and quiet, being alone. Bonus points if he’s somewhere pretty and/or rly comfortable.  

40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

I don’t feel I know enough about either to say lmao  

41. How misanthropic are they?

He thinks people are ridiculous, h

ryan sent me a post abt dragon dicks which got me rambling abt this one furry i follow and. lowkey shattered my train of thought, I don’t remember what i was planing 2 say here and I’m too tired to start the Thought Translation Process over again lmao 

42. Hobbies?

Reading, puzzles, Ernst, calligraphy, 

43. How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

He completed university. The only real difference between formal education and self-education is if you have a diploma people will believe you when you say you know what you’re talking about.  

44. Religion?

He’s whatever everyone else is. I don’t what religion everyone is in the show,, I don’t know shit abt religion tbh. But he believes in god, though he’s not as devout as everyone else. 

45. Superstitions or views on the occult?

Foolish. Ridiculous. Absurd. Childish. He believes in them.

46. Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

Words mostly. He’s excellent with them and loves to talk and talk and talk. 

47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

Ernst, probably. I don’t doubt that Hans loves him dearly but I don’t think he’s in love.  

48. How do they express love?

He talks about milk. 

I can’t think of anything lmao

49. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

Tbh I can’t imagine him fighting. He probably just says something that pisses someone off and then gets knocked flat on his ass. 

50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

I don’t think so, I think he feels almost like. I don’t think invincible would be the right word, but he sees no reason to fear it at his age. Yes, Wendla and Moritz died, but he has no plans to kill himself and he can’t get pregnant so a botched abortion isn’t a threat to him. He’s in good health and he’s got his wits about him. What is there for him to be afraid of? He can worry about dying later. 

[fragiilexa]

❤️💛 😊💙

Mun VS Muse — send a symbol!                     ACCEPTING

❤️ = How does the mun and muse approach romantic relationships? Is either currently in a relationship or do they have a crush? 

Okay so imma let Lila ‘speak’ here at some point ‘cause she wants too but I think that we approach them very differently. As in me? I approach them in a very vague ‘I’m not even actually doing anything even tho doing something is the way to get into a relationship’ way, which is probably why I’ve never had that before. And then you got Lila here and if she wants to be in a relationship she like, jumps on them and never lets go, like, unless they get too close tho. then she bolts *side eyes her AF* 

Lila isn’t in a relationship in her main-verse, though all of that is hella confusing for me, her closest to being a main verse is lilaxdemi or lilaxlip but she’s honestly not ready 4 a main-verse again so yeah, but like I guess I could say she’s dating Demi. Cause that’s closes to her main-verse,,, ja feel? i dunno her verses are confusing but ME yeah I hella have a huge massive fricken crush it’s cray but alas I am not in a relationship :/

💛 = How would the mun and muse describe their best friends?

ok so I have a lot of negative memories associated with the term ‘best friend’ so erG I don’t really use it anymore bUT IF I HAD TO SAY my closest friend by far is the lovely, Cass. My favorite person in the world, I would def describe her as one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, not only on the outside but most definitely on the inside. She has a heart of gold & she’s just a really good person & makes me smile when I feel like I’m gonna implode or collapse and I’ll always have her back just like I know she’ll have mine. She’s like, the Maya to my Riley, but even more so. ( if u watch girl meets world? ) lmao  

“ Pax is my bffl. Which is best friend for life if you don’t know your texting terms yet. Like, fuck everyone else I love her and she’s always there for me when I feel like shit... which, is sometimes a lot. She’s hella hot but also has this like, sweetness, like honey or something in her voice. It’s really odd and hard to describe, which is what I’m supposed to be doing but I just don’t know what I would do without her. Like I don’t... I don’t really show anyone my issues, ya’ll fuckin know this. But... I trust Pax. I love Pax. I love Pax to the max, “ She laughs. “ Hashtag bffls forever. We’re gonna grow old together and she’s still going to be there, like, no matter what. She’s just... like, the sun... when I can’t be that, and the moon when everything’s dark... she’s like that small guiding light and after... after the things that’ve happened in my life I’m just glad that I have her... *starts singing count on me by bruno mars bc why the fuck not* “ @heatheniisms ( tagging bc u need to read this i wannA cRY )

😊 = What makes the mun and muse happiest?

Okay so personally I have... quite a long list of things. None of these are in order so yeah... but let me start. Okay so some things that never fail to make me happy are Cass, duh, also Joe Jonas because he’s the love of my life, my cat & dog Jaz & Rosey, Thomas S*anders because he’s the light of my life, Liza Koshy because #relatable and she always makes me laugh, also Jesus, not just saying that to be a suck up to dah lord but I just??? really like?? thinkin’ about Him makes me happy to be alive. Other things would include but are not limited to, sunshine being at camp, writing & being really into what I’m writing, moana & disney in general, seeing other people happy, creating happiness in others ( i.e. sending them stuff, making them stuff, doing stuff for them so they can relax u think im kidding but im not ) and uh also dogs bc they’re perfect.

“ Uh... Yuki. Music, Pax and my friends uh... Food. What makes me happiest is... “ Dead. “ It’s just hard uh... to pick from so much stuff... probably Yuki though, him’n Stitch... they’re my little ohana. I don’t know what I’d do without them and they always usually make me smile. Either that or singing... playing music... maybe that makes me happiest. I dunno. “

💙 = What is one thing that can calm down the mun and muse? Is it a person, thing, or place or thing?

My Cat. Oddly enough, sometimes when I need to calm down he’s always there... even if sometimes he tries to bite my nose in the process of trying to calm me down he always seems to do the trick, also though I’d include Cass bc she’s just her she can calm me down in almost any situation. But I don’t think there’s one thing that can like, keep me calm in all situations though ‘cause sometimes I just need to feel whatever I’m feeling you know? I dunno I’m rambling but... onto lila....

“ Uh... there’s this message that Ash left before he... uh it was something that he sent on one of my bad days and even before it could calm me down. Now it’s kind of mixed uh, emotions but it’s one of the only things that I go to... or it’s the one thing I try to go to instead of other.. hm... other ways of calming down that aren’t healthy. “