#okay i posted all the ones i have :thumbsup:

[unfortunate--moth]

Your Stupid Face - Chapter 3

Bisexuality Strikes Again

[wabbitears]

idk if ur cool w oc related questions herefeel free 2 delete this if ya arent but I am VERY intrigued by whoever meat machine is

OKAY! aight first things first just to make sure everyone is clear

I will never be bothered about oc questions im very happy that youre invested in guys I made up for fun. The only time I wouldnt answer oc questions is if theyre part of an object camp and the question is too spoilerly. otherwise just ask away.

ANYWAYS meat machine is this fucking thang. technically an object oc like your bee ef dee eyes, but fucked up

this thing is lowkey due for a redesign but whatevar. pronouns are it/its.

Meat Machine is the result of some weird meat experiment in a big science facility (think black mesa or aperture science kind of thang) growing extremely out of control and eating all the scientists there! Assimlating their bodies and mind for itself cause oops its also a hivemind yay! And it also infected all the machinery and shit in the building so its also the science facility in its entirety! glados style! hooray for all living environment fans like me.

What you see here is just one of its many gross meat filled robots that run around and manage all the sciences and researchs in the now uncomfortably meat filled facility. This is it's favorite and prefered body made out of the former founder. A computer tower object that was really obnoxious and unethical as fuck. Meat Machine is extremely freaky about that guy in particular.

Personality wise this thing is extremely loud and just really manic in general. Also it has an extreme god complex and believes itself to be some weird god and thinks everything biomechanical is holy. Yeag. As you can see here.

Its main goal is too further science its in weird twisted way and also collect more materials, especially meat and technology to add to itself and continue building and development the great machine that is itself.

So yeah thats my fucked up living laboratory that just exists in my object oc lore :thumbsup: yay! I need to post more about my assorted object ocs I love them very much. I've been hyperfixating on them so much for the past few years. Quite a few of them I play in object camps!!! Uh yeah I should post about them more, sadly a lot of my object ocs have. Not been properly drawn yet. I swear I'll get to that soon and post them. But for now just look at my freak.

And once again reiterating. Ask me about my wack object ocs forever I love to be asked about them !!!!!

[smileymoth]

I have no idea what marble hornets is but the stuff your sharing looks super interesting and makes me wanna get into it. What is it exactly?

i'm letting @theslyvoid9 answer this because he's the reason i watched it and he's literally right next to me rn. so um. listen to him. he's a connoisseur and has been hounding me about this for months <3 . take it away boy

okay hiiii sly here! so um anyway sdkhufsk gonna keep this kinda spoiler free but in short Marble hornets is a 15 year old youtube horror series and one of the first video projects to use the slendermans character for a more detailed story. The full series ran for around 5 years and lasts roughly around 8-9 hours. The story was kinda hosted on two separate youtube channels, with the main marble hornets youtube channel posting the main entries and a side channel that posts more cryptic videos inbetween the actual entries for lore^tm reason. To watch both of the channels videos in order i suggest this playlist as a easy starting point! Link Storywise. it starts off with our main character Jay getting the tapes for an old project from a friend and looking through them a few years later and noticing stuff.....very wrong in some of the tapes and deciding he needs to investigate further and that leads him down a...rather not good path and drags several characters back into the trenches with him in the process. Overall the editing and sound design is the main scare factor in this series with jumpscares being kinda minimal. So if you like horror with a more building and suspenseful atmosphere then this is a must watch! The characters are lovely, the story is really interesting and the mystery in it is really cool to see unfold. Fair warning tho that the editing does involve a lot of glitching aka flashing at points and the story starts of a bit slow but it picks up in a very natural way! ANYWAY yeah....in short its a youtube horror series about slenderman and glitching videos and mental illness :D I personally really recommend it and if you have more questions idk hit me up on my blog! Anyway back to danny o/

YEAH I AGREE W HIM !!!!!!!! very good summary :thumbsup: (he's not holding a gun to my head to say this) i found the story very captivating, the characters are definitely unique in personality and i was just staring at their face shapes all the time....... it hurts you a lot btw the story i mean it hurts SOOO much . watch it. NJEOW if you like angst and pain and interesting video editing and convincing acting

[theskymother]

ok it's about time i make a pinned post or something

hi i am theskymother :) i like animal jam. i played from 2015-2018 and joined back about a year ago!

my username is maght32. you can bother me as you please if you see me but please tell me who you are because i have the worst memory in the world

this is my blog for me to act unhinged. the purpose of this blog is to be funny. i promise if i say something outlandish it is a joke. i say everything stupid here so i can be normal where it actually matters

i do have other blogs/accounts on other places. you can interact with them (please do!!) but please don't mention animal jam on them i'm trying to keep them semi professional lol

tags !!

#ramblings - any posts that i wrote

#bangers - posts that are bangers (to me)

#my art - my art

advertisement please help me survive the aj economy: i have shops in ajc and ajpw filled with the most random items ever you should buy stuff from them and give me your moneyyyy since i'm chronically poor. some day i will put masterpieces in there when i decide to deal with the aj art program......

doing commissions for these items! complexity on the will vary depending on which one it is. message me and i will give u my discord so we can figure it out there :thumbsup:

okay that is all adios

[transblitzo]

hiya! I recently saw your Mammon-is-Striker’s-dad au, and the brain worms have been relentless since! So I was hoping that you could maybe share more of it? Literally any information will do! Like, does Mammon know about Striker? Who does and doesn’t know? Does Mammon ever find out? Are there any really big changes in characterization or story? Does Striker change in appearance, does he have any extra powers because of his parentage?

first of all "the brainworms have been relentless since" it literally means so much to me that people would get obsessed with some dumb shit i made JHGFJKHKSJD i love u anon. i waited to answer this all day bcus i wanted to be free and awake enough. im gonna put the answers to ur questions under the cut bc i may get a little autistic abt this :thumbsup:

"does mammon know about striker?"

mammon knows about striker in the sense that he's generally aware he's had a lot of unprotected one night stands that resulted in illegitimate children he couldn't be assed to care about. in the same sense, he's probably aware of striker in the vague sense of "that guy who was hired to kill prince stolas". they'll probably meet at some point properly if/when i flesh out the plotline of this shit, but mammon likely won't acknowledge striker as his child until he sees proof in one way or another

"who does and doesn't know?"

the only people who know that striker is mammon's child are striker and maybelle. there are definitely other people who were made aware of the information at some point, but striker has made very sure that they're not still alive to tell anybody else. if anyone were to find out at some point (in regards to the main cast specifically), the most likely candidates are blitz or stolas, and it would not be because striker told them. put a pin in that

"does mammon ever find out?"

striker has been planning to kill mammon for years. i think i've mentioned this in another post, but his job working under carmilla carmine, while striker does have some respect for her, is mostly a front he keeps up to have easier access to angelic weaponry. he'll find out when striker goes out of his way to find him, and that's when striker plans to kill him.

"are there any changes in characterization or story?"

okay so this is the point where i get just a little bit salty, so stay with me. i think striker is a very strong premise for a character, but i find his writing to be a bit inconsistent and nonsensical sometimes. he's still a sadistic motherfucker when he needs to be- which is often, because he kills people for a living- but he's not like...two dimensionally heartless like he can be in the show sometimes. his default opinion on anyone that isn't actively opposing him is as neutral as possible, because when you're in his line of work, getting attached to people either leads to you or them getting hurt. despite that, i feel like he's something of a hometown hero- he cares for his community and its safety and prosperity. everything he does, he does for the benefit of the little guy, for the people who can't fight back. i feel like the main point where the show stumbles when writing him is the decision that him opposing the main characters from a moral standpoint (specifically in regards to stolas) means he's automatically morally bankrupt. i want him to be an interesting foil to blitz, and just making him comically heartless doesn't really make for that, y'know? as for the events of the show itself, when it comes to everything that's out currently i don't really have anything to change, but that'll very likely change in the coming months as we get more plot-heavy eps like we have been. anything i would change would just be tweaks to his personality. to be clear this au isn't my attempt at like...fixing him or anything, i'm making it very canon divergent for a reason, i just want to write him the way i want to yk?

"does striker have any changes in appearance or ability?"

yes and no. this is where that pin i mentioned earlier comes up. striker does have stronger abilities in terms of magic than imps would, but he actively suppresses them. both because his "true form" as it were is something that is both painful to enter and something he dislikes. he wears an angelic steel band underneath his fingerless gloves to keep any abilities he inherited from mammon in check, because he wants his prowess in combat to come from his own skill, and not handed to him on a silver platter by the virtue of being the son of a man he hates. if the band is ever to snap or break, though, the power inside of him quite literally becomes too much for his body, and it sort of like...tries to rearrange him into the general shape of a deadly sin. it's painful! real bone cracking skin-tearing shit. he hates it and avoids it whenever possible. if this happens in story, it'll be during a fight with blitz most likely. i don't actually have a design for this, but i've been brainstorming it for a while...artfight and other obligations are just taking priority.

as a bonus, you can listen to the song that served as the base inspiration for this au >:) it's not 1:1 the same events, but the vibes are there.

[noelledeltarune]

gooigi rant?? pls. i love the goo-ber

ok this is another case where i don't really have that much of substance to say but literally gooigi is so fucked up to me. like e gadd's research journal actually makes me kind of upset 💀💀. i know he has very little canon character but i am very endeared to gooigi and so just knowing about e. gadd's research journal kind of fucks me up :-(

like literally you read it and one of the first things said about goo is that its like. sentient to some extent. even as a blob. and it's capable of reacting to stimulus. when water is poured on it it actively like. moves away from the water to avoid melting. it can hear and will follow music being played.

so you see that and then it's like oh ok cool this thing is alive. sick. and so then there's the whole shebang with the using stolen dna thing to give gooigi like his actual physical form. and it's like oh okay cool so you've made a guy. that's a guy now. you made a person. 👍

and so then it's like the. weaknesses testing and stuff.

which like ok. whatever. sure. see like idk if gooigi just doesnt really care about the whole getting experimented on and hit with giant hammers and melted and set on fire thing so i'll also just say that's whatever. but like idk it kinda fucks me up in general just because of the last part LOL like

was this really necessary :-( like think with me. imagine you made a guy. you accidentally spilled coffee on some of the samples you were studying and it came to life and you so made a guy.

this guy is sentient. reacts to stimuli. can definitely act independently because you cannot play as gooigi in 1p mode in the luigi's mansion 3ds port.

so like this is the main point of the post because it just messes me up soooo baddddd like i have never ever imagined gooigi as a tool even playing lm3 in 1p mode just because of the way that he like. is a separate guy from luigi. not really questionably. like when you collect something as one the other will still react (even if you're only controlling luigi while gooigi is out of the tank, gooigi'll give a little thumbsup yknow). the several cutscenes where gooigi just acts on his own independently of luigi like right after you beat king boo + the ending + several of the credits photos if my memory serves correctly. that's a guy. so hearing e gadd be like "oh man this person i made has his own thoughts and feelings and doesnt listen to me sometimes. i think i will possess him." is just like. was that really the only option. did you HAVE to do that.

like i'm sorry this is becoming just mainly pictures but 😭😭 wow so crazy how embedding a chip in someone to control them will stop them from acting independently and doing what they would normally do if they could control their actions... and like the fact he landed on POSSESSION of all things as the best way to control gooigi like 😭😭 this kinda shit's always happening to guys who's names end in uigi

also like kind of unrelated but can you imagine being luigi and finding out about this? like "wow you used my dna to make a guy and then spent hours of rigorous testing trying to and eventually succeeding in quashing his free will so you could possess it to hunt ghosts? thats nice" he doesnt actually know about this as far as i'm aware but it's the principal of the thing :-( i feel like it would upset him

ANYWAYS point is i like gooigi and always imagined him as like being his own character so the research journal fucks me up a little 💀 top ten moments that really cement e gadd's status as a fucked up scientist.

in general to me i feel like he definitely got meaner over the years :-( which makes me kind of sad because in lm1 his main goal definitely seemed to be like..helping luigi LOL. like he saved his life and seemed genuinely concerned when he found out about mario being a real man who has since been captured. and he helped luigi to get mario back without it feeling necessarily like his primary goal was in his own self interest. but a lot of his dialogue just feels really mean in dark moon and lm3 goes like almost the opposite way. this section in particular always stood out to me as feeling out of character compared to him in the original

and like i could be wrong about dark moon because i've never played it but just like reading the dialogue on the wiki was like 😬😬 he was SOOO mean to luigi like

reading half of these was just like man if i were him i would have cried i'm serious 😭

and this is of course not to say that i hate e gadd in general but i will admit to not really liking him much after dark moon

[bucketofbugz]

okay some things I have thought of for the horror actor tmnt iteration:

-They aren't technically "actors", at least not professionally. The movie they're making would be an independent project that they're working on rather than them being in an actual production. ^This is 100% just so that I didn't have to create any new adults to run the thing.

-This is a "mutants are just a normal part of society" iteration. It's easier.

-The turtles are highschool students (leaning towards 11th grade), and the ones to come up with the idea in the first place. Splinter's probably a retired actor or something. They come up with the idea near the beginning of the school year and work on it throughout, getting help from people in their specific classes (like Raph and Mikey ask around in art, Donnie in computer science, and Leo in journalism). Nearly everyone that works on the film is half an actor and half working on something else. Some have just one job, but most have at least a small job in addition to their main one. Depends what they felt able to do They'd definitely still be working on it well into summer.

-I have not decided if I'm going to give the characters they play different names, or if I want their regular names to be their character names (like Mikey's real name is something else, but his character's name is Michelangelo). I will figure that out before I write it, obviously.

-Raph is an actor + costume designer.

-Leo is an actor + script writer.

-Donnie is an actor + editor.

-Mikey is an actor + practical effects artist.

-Casey is an actor. Just an actor, that's all he wanted to do. "As long as my character gets to die in a cool way"

-April is filming + sound design

I'll probably create a few new characters for this au + add in some others (like Mona and Mondo I'm 100% adding. Also Sunita and Irma I think- maybe Karai?) but yea :]

So essentially, this au has two separate stories. The actual production of the film, and the film itself. This way I get to write a horror story without facing the consequences of actually killing characters :thumbsup:

If I ever write this au it'll probably be in comic form, so the movie will likely be a separate comic that I'd write after I write the actor comic.

Anyway sorry for posting about this iteration so much the brain ants have latched onto it it's the same thing that happened with the Mikey nightmares au

[coern]

okay some worldbuilding before I go and eat lunch

seven races I mentioned earlier- (bolded are races with a champion) hylians: I guess "humans" in this case? average human bodytype, biggest population in hyrule, humans but with pointed ears. link & zelda are hylian zora: FISH!!!! fish ppl. live in eastern hyrule. their champion (mipha before 100 years, current champion is sidon) pilots divine beast vah ruta (ruta is an elephant :)) gorons: ROCK PEOPLE!! live on a volcano in northeast hyrule, their champion (daruk before 100 years, current champion is yunobo) pilots divine beast vah rudania (lizard that climbs on walls) rito: bird people :) live in the mountains in northwest hyrule, their champion (revali before 100 years, teba after 100 years) pilots divine beast vah medoh (bigass bird. literally a plane) (my personal favorite just because there's a rito npc named kass who plays the accordion and is a very pleasant guy) gerudo: really tall women :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup: live in a desert in the southeast; their champion (urbosa before 100 years, riju after 100 years) pilots divine beast vah naboris (camel/llama that perpetually looks like its about to fall the fuck over) (side note, its a running thing that gerudo are mostly a women-only race; one gerudo male is born every century to be the 'gerudo king' (no there isn't one in botw, I'm not sure why, maybe cause the last one never died)(don't worry about that its botw sequel plot) and you have to disguise yourself as a woman to get in which is kind of funny) sheikah: as creating a champion (huge fucking art book for the game with like 400 pages) describes it, 'the wise clan that supports the royal family'; hylians but they built the ancient technology that ppl used to beat clammy ganon koroks: little forest guys :DD you can find them all over, you can solve little puzzles and they give you small collectibles called korok seeds(golden shit), iirc there's 999 of them you can find in the overworld, and they live in korok forest right in the middle of northern hyrule where you get the cool sword to fight clammy ganon with. theres a big one named hestu who expands your inventory in exchange for korok seeds!! love them sm

IM TOO TIRED FROM SUMMARIZING THE ORIGINAL STUPID GAME I'll post actual encore later but its literally just "wouldn't it be funny to make an au where tsukasa tenma has to save the world And Also he's 117 years old"" except I'm more stupid about it than the actual game of botw

HI heres yuor reminder to write your paragraph on botw

okay pls bear with me I cannot summarize well and had to call klesek (my sister) to help me (and wikipedia thank God for wikipedia plot synopsis) under a read more because shit there's a lot of plot I did not realize

Pre Game plot so basically 10,000 years ago calamity ganon (clammy ganon in the rest of the post because I cant write calamity on a keyboard for some reason) appeared and tried to murder everyone n destroy stuff (its sort of a mindless beast spider-looking thing) so four champions (each from 5 of the 7 races in the game), the princess of hyrule (hyrule is the fictional country this takes place in) (btw the princess is zelda), and her 'appointed knight' (appointed knight would be link)(also, link counts as a champion iirc) have to go and take it down, weakening it with a robot army (robots are called guardians they look pretty cool), four humongous fuckass robots (divine beasts), fancy sword (master sword wielded by 'appointed knight' its a whole thing), then seal it away with the princess's Light Power (hydrogen bomb) cut to 10k years later, almost present, the same thing happens BUT the princess's mother dies when she's young, cant teach her how to use her light hydrogen bomb, and that combined with the ancient technology (divine beasts & guardian robot army) being old, not knowing enough about what happened the first time because that was Ten Thousand Fucking Years Ago, causes them to pretty much fail- clammy ganon attacks by surprise on the princess's 17th birthday, all the champions Die in their divine beasts, which are taken over (along with the guardians) to be on clammy ganon's side, which kill everyone, specifically her appointed knight, and make the population of hyrule all but like fifty npcs. happy birthday! the princess does however take her appointed knight to the 'shrine of resurrection' hoping that later when he isn't dead anymore (mysterious ancient technology baybeee) he can stop clammy ganon for real this time. "later" is 100 years into the future. happy birthday part 2!! okay now for what happens in the actual game SO in the actual game of breath of the wild you play as link (of course) after the 100 years, when he wakes up (without his memories because he just died and slept for a century) (happy birthday!!!) and has to go and enlist present champions (descendants/friends/apprentices of the ones from 100 years ago), take back the divine beasts (each has a 'blight' (parts of clammy ganon) in them that you have to fight to get it back), get the cool sword (master sword), get your memories back (with Pictures), then go and beat clammy ganon's ass for a third time with more help now :) ILLL PUT THE REST IN A REBLOG BECUSE TUMBLR KEEPS EATING MY POST CAUSE ITS TOO FUCKING LONG

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V7E3 LiveWatch

And here we go again. New week, new episode. Things are starting to look interesting, lets see where this goes.

Right off the bat; Elm is basically how I imagined my character Olivia Drabe looking, with Olivia having far darker skin but about the same height and body-build. Everyone seems to like her. 

Ohhh. Dropship formation. Remnant equivilent of Fortunate Son plays in the background.

Clovers giving an ACTUAL TACTICAL BRIEFING. Or, at least, as much of one as a Huntsman can. So thats pretty cool. Least they got that right.

Alright lets see what this here floating info sign says.  Looks like a Huntsmen network report, the place people get jobs from.  Ahh, Petra Gigas...thats a Giest Grimm, something using rubble. RNJR fought one in Vol 4. 

Seems their target is named SDC Mine No 2. So...must be one of the bigger mines (if numbered by size) or oldest (if numbered by age)

Multiple Huntsmen posts in the area, I guess they have some kind of permanent defense positions SOMEWHERE in there...and its south of a place called Aurora Pass.

The active operatives screen is pretty cool, it shows all the people involved. I wish I could get a better fucking view of it though...

Wait, how big is this airship?! It looks like they’re inside a fucking BUILDING.  Also why the fuck is Jaune at the command table? Guess its the whole “leader” thing.

Ohhhhh. Okay the airships are just there for show. They’re not actually on them. Hence why everyones there and seeing Piedro.  Huh. 

Oh and we see Atlas Military Huntsmen (not Ace Operatives). They...look like Commisars. NICE HATS YES. Also we see their guns working against Grimm! HEYYY! Also those must be the Huntsmen mentioned in the Huntsmen Posts

Odd, the screen said the Geist wounded Huntsmen, but then Clover says it took lives. Maybe he means someone else. 

Ohhh, UPGRADE TIIMMMMEEE. Fucking NORA. I wonder if that combat footage Peitro saw from the Festival was captured by Penny...

Lots of indications of changing characters...and damn, Peitro made Ruby an ENTIRELY NEW UNIFORM.  Thats pretty awesome honestly. 

Ohhh okay I see how this is. They’re time-jumping. The briefing happened BEFORE they got their weapons, then they got their weapons, and now they’re deploying by fireteam to the mine. By...leaping out of the airship and landing.  Never change, Hunters. Never change. 

Oh, and they sent Hare and Marrow with them too! YES my two favorite Ops (so far).  First look at Marrow’s weapon. Its not a railgun like I thought it was. Looks like he can throw it.

Hare seems to have some kind of mechanical...shoes? Legs? On her back. Maybe its some kind of acceleration system. 

Elm is literally Olivia. I swear to god. 

Jaune is the only person in this entire fucking show with a REASONABLE landing strategy.  Even if he doesnt seem to really get how to do it right. Oh well. 

QROW GOT AN UPGRADE TOO. HE LOOKS SO FLASHY.  Also...Clover and Qrow deploying together. Thats COMPLETELY intentional. They’ll cancel each other out. 

Ayyy he said LZ! Watch as the ENTIRE FUCKING FANDOM misses that...

Bumblebee moment. Blegh. Dont care. MOVING ON.

Marrow and Hare, now THAT is a ship I can get behind. 

That is the thickest, least fluffy snow I have ever seen in my life. It moves like slush. 

“Without heating or a protective aura, the cold of Solitas can kill you in hours.” THE COLD DOES NOT CARE. THE COLD ENDURES. CALLED IT

Also I do not care about your LOOK, guys, for the love of god dont leave shit exposed like that. Yang your gonna get frostbite on your titties. 

Also Blakes jacket is literally busted and held together with belts. I HATE THE NONSENICAL CLOTHING CHOICES OF THIS SHOW SOMETIMES

Also better possible romance; Clover and Qrow. I approve.  Also the tunnel their in glows yellow and red. Raw dust?

Jaune literally just went backwards like 6 seasons somehow. That being said Nora, do focus on the mission and NOT RENS ASS

Accident...ohhh thats what this is, isnt it. This is the mine Ilia’s parents got mulched in I bet.  That doesnt look like a normal cavein to me though. Thats an asset denial charge.

Little bit of Monochrome love too. 

Besides the obvious SDC crate, theres a container that says Mantle Shipping. 

Okay that jumpscare actually kinda got me.

HOLY SHIT HARE HAS AN EXOSUIT!

Hey, Serapeeds. AND WEISS USING HER SWORD AS A SWORD! Actually a lot of Solitas Grimm seem to be really easy to take down...I wonder if the cold makes them weaker. 

New ordinance for Yang; Impact-implanted explosives.  Crescent Rose can spin its head now. Marrows weapon is a rifle of some kind but it turns into a boomerang. A bladed boomerang. Not bad.

And his semblance is making thing...pause? Slowing time, maybe? That was pretty fucking cool. 

Jaune’s shield now has external hardlight barriers, ala the Hardlight Shield from Halo 4.  Ren can now launch his pistol’s spikes as weapons on wires. 

Vine-guy seems he can use his aura to make like...extendo arms or something. 

Elm smiling and thumbsuping Ren. HA

Annnnnnnnnnndddd Hare moves Fast. Im not even surprised. Ruby suddenly has wet panties

Clover’s weapon is a fucking fishing rod. That is both cool and also kind of silly.

Yep. Called it. Clover and Qrow; the only people who can work together without killing each other.

Multiple Dust types active in one area. Interesting.

Now that is how you operate as a fireteam!

Okay I take it back, it looks like Elms semblance is she can root herself in place. HA. Clever. I think Specialist Cross would like a chat with her. 

Harriet: (Launches skyward and uppercuts a Giest in the face) Me: Welp there go my pants. 

Wonder what purplse dust is. Gravity maybe? I thought it was black. 

Atlas Control. Ahhh, the military terminology. I love it.

Fuckin Tyrian. “Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Salem?”

Speaking of him is he just randomly killing people for NO REASON because he can or.

[sovaharbor]

the apex of this city, and the devil of hell's kitchen (or something equally dramatic)

hi i published a fic on ao3. it's matt/male oc, rated E for future shenanigans (so 18+ obviously, please keep this in mind). :thumbsup:

currently 2 chapters posted, i will be putting an excerpt from both below the readmore :) if you're interested in reading, this whole sentence is a link! wow!

chapter 1:

“i’m not doing this,” matt starts, as their feet hit cement again rather than loud, clanking metal.

“not doing what?” apex asks back. he’s still pulling matt along; they’re getting close to the other side of the roof, the ledge growing imminent.

“being complicit in a crime.”

“i’m pulling you by the arm. that’s basically kidnapping, right? if you really wanna defend it in court, that is. by the way, hardcore parkour time!”

matt has half a mind to catch his boot on the ledge and send them both tumbling, because that is not something that would actually hold up very solidly in court since he’s not exactly fighting this right now, but this apartment complex is six floors up. not exactly ideal. so when apex leaps from the one roof to the next, matt goes along with them. as they land, he’s immediately continuing, “fine, sure, but i have to go home.”

“home? how old are you, sixteen? you got a fucking curfew?”

“no, but i have work tomorrow.”

“okay, and? i have class tomorrow. hardcore parkour!”

they leap onto the next roof. apex is hardly breaking a sweat; their grip is too strong for matt to break out of at this point. (nobody ever mentioned super strength. did they have super strength? wait— class tomorrow. class tomorrow.)

“are you sixteen?”

“oh my god, no, ” apex snaps, sounding genuinely insulted by that question. “i’m in college, scarf-head. a highschooler could not pull off what i do.”

chapter 2:

scarf-head shakes his head, clicking his tongue in a way that sounds like genuine disapproval. “that was an awful punch. your knuckle is busted. you seriously throw them like that all the time?”

“what the hell do you mean, busted?” jesse asks in lieu of answering that question. (yes, he does throw all his punches like that; it gets the job done. if he shatters the jaw of one cop, the rest will usually back off, so he’s not needing to throw more than one punch. if he really needed to throw a second, well, good thing he’s got two hands, right?)

“busted,” scarf-head repeats with heavier emphasis. and to emphasize it even more, he just gently presses his thumb against the knuckle of jesse’s index finger. over the sound of jesse making a choked-back noise of pain, he continues, “see? busted.”

with his good hand, jesse smacks scarf-head’s away. “alright, asshole, i get the point. could’ve just said it was broken. what are you gonna do, teach me the right way to throw a punch?”

there’s a pause. it’s not tense, or heavy, but it’s…still noticeable. mostly because scarf-head tilts his head again, just a little (it’s such an obvious tell, although for what is something that’s still escaping jesse) — and then his tongue darts out to lick at his lips. (that’s another tell.) “yeah,” he finally says. “i can, yeah. but…only after that hand heals up. you should probably get that checked out—”

“it’ll be fine,” jesse interjects, “so don’t worry. next week, maybe?”

[spaltcode-blog]

The Assets of Requirement

Ah, the magical Asset Pipeline of Rails. As a rookie programmer I never tried to learn the way it worked, mostly because it seemed too complicated. And in comparison to other fundamentals, the Asset Pipeline was a low priority when it came to writing competent migrations and rspec tests. So if you want to learn about the mysterious, and sometimes unpredictable, Asset Pipeline I invite you to this mini-series.

 WORD OF THE DAY: Requirement

 In Harry Potter, or more accurately Hogwarts (and indirectly Borgin & Burkes in Diagon Alley and Hogs Head Inn), the room of requirement acts as a special place one can only enter if they REALLY need it (and they must walk past it three times thinking of what it is they need). In Rails, the Asset Pipeline Manifest acts much the same way. Except nobody gets burned alive in it.

 In Rails 4 and 5 the Asset Pipeline is powered by the gem `sprockets-rails`. In a very simplified explanation, sprockets combines all the javascript and css into their own one large minified files so the server does not need to make as many requests, boosting the speed of the web app. In this blog post we will call these the warehouse.js and warehouse.css (Rails does not call it this, in fact it is precompiled file that uses fingerprinting for production to see if the contents have changed. But that is essentially what the Room of Requirement is in Harry Potter and the analogy is pretty good if I do say so myself). Sprockets does this minification, called uglifying, by looking at the application manifest, or application.js/application.css, and reading the order in which each file/directory, should be loaded and concatenated together into the large compiled file, like a warehouse.

 NOTE: All of these examples and explanations pertain to css styling as well, I just happen to use js files as the examples.

 In Rails 4 the default application.js file looks like this.

`// This is a manifest file that'll be compiled into application.js, which will include all the files

// listed below.

//

// Any JavaScript/Coffee file within this directory, lib/assets/javascripts, vendor/assets/javascripts,

// or any plugin's vendor/assets/javascripts directory can be referenced here using a relative path.

//

// It's not advisable to add code directly here, but if you do, it'll appear at the bottom of the

// compiled file.

//

// Read Sprockets README (https://github.com/rails/sprockets#sprockets-directives) for details

// about supported directives.

//

//= require jquery

//= require jquery_ujs

//= require turbolinks

//= require_tree .`

 Notice those requires at the bottom? That is called the manifest and even though it is commented out, it actually provides the app with functionality, from the ‘=’ before require.

 Sprockets specifically looks for this file (application.js), reads through the comments, any comment variation for those who feel the need to be special, and when it finds a `=`, runs the helper method on the argument with some Vanishing Cabinet magic (it’s a path relative to the application.js file) loading in the file or directory contents.

 So, for example, sprockets reads and responds:

`//= require jquery`

“AHA! Require jQuery!”

 `//= require jquery_ujs`

`”OH! Require jquery ujs”`

 `//= require turbolinks`

“:thumbsup:”

 //= require_tree .`

“Oh, now to require each file relative to the manifest recursively.”

 Did you notice that? First, those requires at the beginning are referencing the ‘jquery-rails’ and ‘turbolinks’ gems (gems, vendor, assets, and any custom directory are loaded through configs, custom directories are loaded like this config.assets.paths << Rails.root.join(‘my_custom_directory”, “lib”)). And the very different `require_tree` loads all the files within the same directory, and even sub-directories, as the application.js recursively and spits them back out in alphabetical order (spits them back out is concatenating them to the special warehouse.js uglified file we invented for this blog post).

 So, to recap Sprockets looks for the application.js file for javascript and application.css for styling and loads everything line by line, loading trees recursively and ultimately adding them alphabetically, to a file for the browser to only load once.

 But what happens if two people try to enter the room of requirement at the same time with different needs? That is, what if our file directory looks like this:

`app/

 assets/

   javascripts/

     components/

       bar.js

       baz.js

     application.js

     foo.js`

 And our application.js looks like this:

`...

//= require turbolinks

//= require components/baz

//= require_tree .`

 Uh uh, a few problems.

1. Require components/baz refers to the file baz.js in the components sub-directory, the path is syntactically correct (remember relative to application.js location), but there is no .js!

2. We require baz.js on two lines! One when we require it explicitly and the other time when we use the lazyman’s `require_tree .` helper. Won’t baz.js be loaded twice!?

3. Jquery  and jquery_ujs turned into ellipses!! (Okay not a real problem, but I needed a third point)

 First, Sprockets is real smart. So smart that it knows it is requiring other .js files if application.js is a .js file. AND, in case you didn’t know jquery, jquery_ujs, and turbolinks are actually .js files too.

 The second problem has a bit more impressive solution, long story short, no it will not be required twice. Sprockets prevents the same file from being included twice (but not the contents, be careful not to include the same content with different names or paths from being included twice). The reason you may see or do use this explicit require yourself is if you needed the contents of baz.js to be loaded before bar.jas and foo.js.

 Without the explicit require the results of the warehouse.js from `require_tree` would be ordered as:

Contents of bar.js

Contents of baz.js

Contents of foo.js

 With the explicit require:

Contents of baz.js

Contents of bar.js

Contents of foo.js

   The two other requirement helpers are `require_self` and `require_directory`

 Typically, require_self would be needed for the style manifest more often than the javascript manifest, but it is still used in both.

require_self will require any of the code written in the application.js/.css file itself.

 So

`//= require turbolinks

//= require_tree .

 console.log(“Hello from application.js”)`

 Would not ever run in the browser without require_self. To see that pleasant greeting you would need to do some configuration similar to this.

 `//= require turbolinks

//= require self

//= require_tree .`

 The require_directory helper would most likely be used for js files before css files, but can still be used for both. This helper is a non-recursive loader that will load only the files in the specified directory.

  So with this newfound knowledge, go forth and conquer your manifests. Require in the best way you know how, and never ever trust a Malfoy.

[tacky-optic]

I SAY BEHOLD BEHOLD OUR RAMBLES WITH YOUR PUNY MORTAL EYES, RANDOM INTERNET PEOPLE. IF UR DOWN THIS FAR Y'ALL SIGNED UP FOR THIS A LOOONG TIME AGO!!! but i really do appreciate this btw. its a genuine pleasure having the ceo/phd holder of luzeni go absolutely ham on my silly little post lol

anyway sending u a letter delicately sealed with an exquisite wax stamp pressed with a design of luzeni making out mega nasty style. yes there is carefully concealed old man yaoi inside

_ so many delicious hypotheticals, goddamn. having this mega sad edgelord noir detective zenigata blush a lil when this friggin' gyuhuhu-ass guy wearing an obnoxiously bright jacket crawls into his window is such a fantastic mental image. there's a reason i have this hyper-idealized image of this god forsaken schrodinger's koike zeni movie in my noggin because THATS WHERE YOU'D GET THE REAL NASTY SHIT. they had it right there-- reciting romeo and juliet and wanton declarations of violence via shooting to kill. that got to me man. right here. in my very real heart that i'm pointing to.

there's permanence in their impermanence, i think. same vein as that "stability in instability" take i already blathered about. their refusal to maintain anything concrete is their truce.

_ i personally think zeni cares about his bosses and the people he has to surround himself with (just so he has the resources to get closer to capturing lupin) a little bit. maybe 'flipping off' isnt the most accurate way of putting it but he would get some sensation out of proving them wrong, or just proving something, anything at all. he is SO praise-deprived. dude starts openly full-body bawling the second anyone tells him he did something, like, a little bit okay lmao. very pathetic wet cat behavior. zenigata is too human, he cares too much. every single aspect of him is simply a lot. in those moments where his full-throttle lupin-fixating is on the backburner, any bit of validation that lets him know he isn't wasting his life on this pursuit wracks him right to his goddamn core. stokes the fire, makes him work ten times as hard. as long as all of it circles back into fueling the Chase, its solid :thumbsup:

but maybe that's more of a pt 2/certain specials thing, i dunno. it weaseled its way into my brain somehow s'all i can say lol. either way its in his character dna. like you said there's just so many different versions of him, all with different extremes that somehow manage to maintain his core characterization. but holy shit moments where he does not give even a SINGLE SHIT are some of my favorites. pt 1 finale where he has that big-ass tantrum "I'M NOT GONNA GO ALONG WITH YOUR DUMBASS PLAN" and then the commish is like "DAMN RIGHT YOU FUCKING WON'T, YOU'RE DEMOTED" and then zeni smashes a chair or some shit. i think a golf club was involved?? whatever. "IM DOING THIS MY WAY. IF I FAIL I QUIT. TEA TIME'S OVER MOTHERFUCKER." its peak

_ "Let Lupin rot in jealousy and desire and the anger of not being the focal point of everything". as a chronic jigzeni obsessor this sings to me. i froth at the mouth over this. it really is difficult to concoct jigzeni without lupin peeking his ugly little freaknasty imp head in there because man, he really is so deeply integral to their lives (as he should be! as much as he simultaneously does and doesn't deserve it he is our mc.) but it IS possible. in my heart of hearts it is doable and it freaks all of them the fuck out. what a beautiful subversion-- it's not the guy, but the guy-adjacent. and the guy does not like that because it really is really sexy. sexier than he could've had it, which, wtf. that's not.... that's not right.

i think it boils down to jigen and zenigata just straight up not caring for once. which is all chill for jigen but inherently easier said than done for zenigata. i think that's where most of the hold-up stems from for some ppl. there's this one fic (sry i keep linking fics and i feel like i'm giving out homework waghhh) that i think about a lot where jigen's just perfect. like can we please just forget about him for ten fucking seconds??

unfortunately zeni could not forget in that fic. but if he did? mm. good shit. get bent, lupin. or not i guess. its jigen's turn, oops. better luck next timeline

i have unprompted lupin-esque questions pop into my stream of conscious, interrupting my day-to-day wholesale, and one of them is "damn. does lupin only have three companions because zenigata never caved and joined him". like what kind of question is that??

i think its one of the more recurring ones because the sorta lines in lupin tv/films that're like "kinda surprising you're a cop" or "you'd fit in real well with us" or, the wombo combo of the two, "your skills are wasted on your job" really dig into my brain and won't feckin' leave.

in a lot of iterations, jigen and goemon meet lupin when they're tasked with killing him. fujiko's essentially his other rival. and yet, despite whatever the rest of the gang may be doing or whoever they pledge themselves to or whatever other jobs they might take on they always wind up right next to lupin again. on the same team, even.

and then there's zenigata. the sole obstinate holdout. they truce, they save each other's lives, have an avengers bonus credit scene shawarma lunch, etc etc. yet he isn't *with* them. he dips after they stop some evil billionaire from blowing up a city for some asinine power/profit grab or whatever the fuck, shouting that he'll "get them next week" while comically shaking his fist at the sky, and jigen rolls his eyes for the dozenth time and goes "that guy'll never change, will he". no jigen, he won't. when things calm down he'll sit alone in his office and do paperwork for all the property damage he caused with lupin & co. like he always does.

lupin and zenigata prefer it that way, obviously. they know their roles and how to play them. zenigata's too good to be a cop but he's also too good to be with lupin. lupin will kill in self-defense whereas zenigata will *not* kill, period. a la "life is a much more incredibly significant thing".

and then there's the *other* obviously-- the adversarial aspect. they can only *truly* challenge each other if they're on opposing sides. jigen stuck around after lupin beat him. goemon pledged his allegiance to lupin after he bested him. fujiko cozies up to lupin because it's easier than outright contesting him. but lupin is the best criminal and zenigata is the best cop. of course they'll never swap sides. they have the most fun from where they are.

"but tackyyy, what if he *did* join them?" you may ask. well whether it'd be cathartic for zenigata or not aside, there's some other q's that come up that deserve some consideration.

would the gang finally be "complete" if zenigata finally shed his inspector title? what would that look like, how would it work out? what does that even *mean*? is lupin just collecting people he thinks are neat? if so, if a hypothetical (realllllllly emphasizing that hypothetical btw) fourth-- someone with skills on the right level and surprisingly good chemistry with the gang-- came along, would lupin welcome them? or would lupin look at zenigata and go "nah, i'd rather have *that* guy"? lots of stuff to explore.

but at the end of the day there's one thing that really gets my brain gears turning. i think zenigata's higher-ups imagine him on lupin's side and shudder. i think *zenigata* imagines himself on lupin's side and shudders. i think the only way his full potential can be realized is if he's with lupin *permanently*. those blips of unbridled feral skill wouldn't be blips anymore. they'd be normal. and devastating. and the five of them would be unstoppable. and maybe that'd scare him, finally knowing exactly what he's capable of. maybe it *already* scares him, knowing he's the only one who can decide what happens.