#okay bye bye i will come back with more maybe. in the future who knows

[lotus-lamps]

man i love how people are like "guys you're all mischaracterizing this person. stop the slander/where is the slander, you guys are always ignoring something something + this other character did something something" and then proceed to mischaracterize that other character in that same post with them getting really annoyed about mischaracterization like. sorry what

[cllightning81]

Hidden [LS2+OP81]

Summary : People believe Oscar is thirdwheeling your relationship with Logan. However, they'd be wrong.

Pairing/s: Logan Sargeant x Oscar Piastri x Reader

Word Count : 2.4k

Masterlist Logan Sargeant Masterlist Oscar Piastri Masterlist Want to be included in my tag list? Click HERE

Your relationship with Oscar and Logan had never been one that was shared with the world, and for the longest time, all three of you just assumed it would never be shared with the world. Oscar was more than happy about that. He wasn’t the kind of guy looking for public displays of affection towards him from either you or Logan but when Logan confessed that he wanted to go public Oscar pushed for you and Logan to go public and let fans see him as the third wheel. 

You had obviously argued with the idea. You understood why Oscar didn’t want to. They raced in so many countries where being in any kind of “non standard” relationships would get them banned or arrested, but you could also see where Logan was coming from. He wanted to show you both off. 

You, Oscar and Logan had grown up together karting in England. You can’t actually remember how the relationship between the three of you came around. You had started off as enemies, then moved to friends and all of a sudden became boyfriends and girlfriends. While you couldn’t exactly complain, it would have been nice to have a fun story to tell the grandkids in the future. Maybe one of them had the story hidden somewhere. 

You personally had stopped racing many years ago after seeing how much one season in Formula 4 cost your parents. Deciding that while you wanted to stay in racing, there were many other ways to do that. So you stopped putting your parents through the financial burden of racing and put them through the financial burden of university. 

You couldn’t lie, it did get you somewhere. Between university and an apprenticeship with Aston Martin and all the previous names they went by, you were set for the Formula One world. While you expected to be behind the scenes in the technology campus, you were more than surprised when Lawrence Stroll himself asked you to join them on race weekends. 

Who were you to say, no? Being at the racetrack every weekend and getting to support your boyfriends in person. So here you were walking through the Imola paddock. Oscar and Logan chatting as you trailed slightly behind reading the news on your phone, not paying much attention to what was being said. 

“You okay?” Logan asked as they both stopped walking. You looked up with a nod 

“Hmm? Yeah! Sorry. I was reading the news about back home” You shrugged, and they nodded, continuing to walk, obviously deciding it was a good enough answer considering you do it quite often. They boys stopped outside the Mclaren garage without an indication they were going to stop, causing you to bump into Oscar’s solid back. His hands instantly coming around to stop you from falling 

“Careful” He chuckled as you huffed, straightening your Aston Martin shirt and slipping your phone into your pocket. 

“Next time, tell me we're about to stop” You complained, and Logan laughed, saying his final byes to Oscar. Your hand gently brushed against Oscar’s own hand. 

“Be safe out there” You smiled up at him, causing him to nod 

“You know I will be” He smiled, allowing you and Logan to continue your walk. Logan blabbering about how he thought the race was going to go and just about everything until you got to the Aston Martin garage. 

“Be safe out there” You told him, and he nodded with a smile 

“I’ll do my best” He smiled, walking off as you walked inside the Aston Martin hospitality. 

“And over there just coming in is Y/N. She’s late, but we don’t tell her that” You heard Lance tell a bunch of little kids as you walked over behind him. 

“He does tell me that, but I also keep him safe, so he knows when to be quiet” You hummed, sitting down in the chair next to him. 

When you first started working in AM, you understood why people didn’t like Lance Stroll. However, that was just his guard. When you really got to know him and his family, you understood that they were just normal people, and Lawrence just wanted the best for his son. 

You sat with Lance for a little bit before leaving to the garage to start your own work for the morning. Saying a ‘hello’ to Lawrence as you passed him. 

The rest of the day went as well as it could. Oscar continued to be asked questions about ‘Third Wheeling’ and Logan. Both Oscar and Logan continued to be asked about what it was like to be the grid kid to you and Lance. How that came about you would never understand. Considering you were newer to this side of the paddock than Oscar and Logan. 

The race wasn’t the best with only one out of three cars coming back in one piece. Logan was a victim of Kevin’s dive bombing. It was a good move realistically if it had worked out correctly, but Logan just happened to miss it in his mirrors and went for a move on the car in front at the same time. Lance was a victim of the car not cooperating and ending up in the barriers. A loose wheel, the mechanics had come back and told you both. Whereas Oscar got to keep his 100% lap completed streak. Still the only one this season. 

Logan was waiting outside the Aston Martin Hospitality as you sat with Lance going over some basic race data. 

“Hey Logan’s waiting outside for you. Well, I assume it's you” You looked over before getting up 

“I’ll just be a moment” You mumbled as Lance shrugged 

“Take your time” He leaned back in his seat, obviously not caring about going over the data. However, you hadn’t expected him to make a run for it. 

You walked down to Logan, who reached a hand out to you. Taking his hand on your own. You tilted your head slightly as he wrapped his arms around you. 

“Hey what’s wrong?” You frowned, pushing some hair out of his face

“Just my team again” You sighed 

“I really wish you’d let me do something about it Logs” You pressed a kiss to his head where it was lying in the crook of your neck. 

“You know I like doing it by myself though” He explained, and you nodded 

“I do, but Logs the way that team is treating you is ridiculous. One conversation with your grid grandpa and you’d be sorted for at least a year” You joked, getting him to crack a smile 

“Oh we need to have a word about that. How come I’ve got two dads?” He asked 

“How come I’m your fucking mum?” You asked and he laughed, his head falling back. You smiled glad you could make him laugh “Who’s your other dad then?” You asked, having not seen the rumours about it 

“Button” He shrugged, and you whistled 

“Hmm I’m not going to complain about that one” You joked, and he tickled your sides, making you push him away. Oscar appeared next to Logans side “Osc save me” You complained as he just stood there laughing 

“I came to steal Logan for a little bit” He shrugged, and you nodded 

“Go ahead. I need to finish debrief” You smiled, stepping back a little 

“I’ll let you speak to him” Your eyes widened at Logan’s statement.

“Seriously? You’ll let me speak to Lawrence?” You questioned, and he nodded, turning on his heel and walking away with Oscar. You walked back inside groaning as all Lance’s stuff was gone. Obviously. 

“The kid gone missing?” Fernando asked, and you nodded 

“We were almost done anyway. I guess I’ll just let him go” You shrugged, and he nodded, glancing to where you, Oscar, and Logan previously stood. 

“So what’s the real story between you three?” He asked as you walked with him. You almost choked on your own spit at the open question

“I erm. I” You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks 

“I’ve seen the three of you behind closed doors. I used to work with Oscar remember” You nodded, having briefly forgotten about Oscar’s Alpine days. You looked over at him. It was Nando. You looked up to him throughout your karting days, and here he was asking about your relationship. 

“We’re all dating” You explained quietly as Fernando smiled at you with a hum. You looked up at him, confused as you stopped in the garage 

“Are you happy with those two idiots?” He asked, and you nodded with a smile as the blush rose. 

“Very happy Nando” You nodded 

“Good” And with that, he walked away, leaving you to gather your belongings alone. Once all your belongings were in the bag, you walked towards Lawrence's office. Knocking on the door. The man had been like a second father to you since he took over the company

“Come in” He called, and you walked into his office, almost like a school kid about to get told off. “Ah Y/N. Good race today, no?” He asked, and you nodded 

“Would have been better if the wheel stayed on the car” You shrugged, and he nodded, motioning for you to sit down. 

“Can’t go right all the time unfortunately” He replied, and you nodded 

“I guess that’s true” You placed your bag on the floor next to the seat you were now sitting in as he moved around the desk to sit on the same side as you. He didn’t like formal meetings you’d found over the years. 

“So how can I help you?” He asked, and you let out a shaky breath. You hadn’t thought through what you were about to say to him. 

“It’s about Logan” You started, and he motioned for you to continue “Williams isn’t treating him well. Actually they’re treating him like he’s a piece of shit on the grass. And I’m not the kind of person to come in here and ask for favours, but we know he’s a good driver. We both saw him in the junior formulas, and we can see the differences in his and Albon’s car. Please, Lawrence, is there anything you can do for him?” You asked. Lawrence's eyes softened. Obviously, before moving into the F1 paddock you’d warned him about the relationship, and with an NDA signed, he was more than happy to still have you on the team. 

“How bad is it?” He asked and you bit you lip slightly 

“Secrets about Logan’s car, midseason drivers talks. It’s bad. He won’t tell Oscar or I how bad, but it’s bad” Lawrence shook his head 

“That is bad. Look I’ll speak to Mike, but I can’t promise anything” You nodded

“That’s all I ask. It doesn’t have to be a seat even if it’s just a reserve or test driver. I know he’d appreciate it especially if they do replace him with an F2 kid” You sighed, and he nodded

“Anything for my grid grandson” He joked, and you laughed, shaking your head

“Oh my god. Not you as well” You laughed, and he laughed along. 

“Lance was telling me about it. Weird relationship you’ve got there” You laughed with a nod 

“We were talking about that earlier” You nodded 

“Well I’ll speak to Mike. Give me until Canada. Think it can wait that long?” He asked, and you nodded 

“I’m sure it will” You smiled, going to shake his hand as you both stood up however, Lawrence had other plans, pulling you into a hug. 

Back at the hotel, you could tell how Logan was feeling just by how he was moping around the room. You shared a knowing look with Oscar. You grabbed your shoes, pulling them on before pressing a kiss to both their lips, leaving Logan confused before walking out. Leaving them both alone. 

You knew what Oscar’s plan was while you were away, which is exactly why you left without saying a word. Your plan was to go buy a basket for Logan full of things just to cheer him up. Part of yours and Oscar’s master plan every time Logan was feeling down. 

Returning to the hotel room, you knocked on the door, realising that on your way out, you didn’t grab the room key. Oscar pulled the door open, still shirtless, having obviously been in the shower recently. 

“Hey” He smiled, pressing a kiss to your lips as you walked into the room. 

“Hey yourself” You hummed, glancing towards the bathroom where the shower was running. Placing the bags on the bed as Oscar’s arms wrapped around your waist looking into the bags as you moved all the goodies into a gift basket. 

Oscar pressed a kiss to your shoulder as you leaned back into him, looking at your handy work with a hum. The shower turned off as you took your shoes off, throwing them next to the pile at the door. 

You had brought all of Logan’s favourite candy – Italy has a lot of American candy sections – some of his other favourite foods as well as a little teddy bear. 

“You forgot something at home” Oscar hummed, and you looked at him with a frown. He reached into his pockets, pulling out your rings. You smiled, holding out your hand, letting him slide them onto your ring finger. 

Logan walked out the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist frowning as he saw the basket sat on the bed. 

“Thought you could do with some cheering up” You smiled, reaching your hand out for him to join you and Oscar. Your arm setting around his waist 

“Lawrence is speaking to Mike. He can’t promise anything, however it’s better than nothing. But we knew you still needed cheering up. So some of your favourites” You smiled, resting your head on his shoulder as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to your hair before turning his head to kiss Oscar. 

Coming Soon

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[anjee0]

My brother's best friend

Chapter 1 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

B Rabbit x Female!reader. (Feel free to put an oc insert if you wish as well)

Description - In which Y/n starts to become friends and possibly more with her brother's best friend, BRabbit.

Warnings - Throughout the series there will be: Mild swearing, Smut, Mentions of drugs and alcohol. (More warning to come throughout the series)

Y/n laid on her bed, flipping through her vogue magazine. She admired the beauty of models, hoping that maybe one day she could be displayed in it too. It was her dream for as long as she could remember. Everyday, when she was younger, she'd sit in front of her TV, watching models on the runway as her mum braided her hair. She missed her mum, the way she was so sweet and loving with her and her brother, the way she was supportive of her daughter's dream. Y/n missed every part of her. Her dad left when she was only two, so she never knew him well.

Suddenly, the telephone down the hall started ringing. She knew her brother Jordan wouldn't pick it up. He was downstairs drinking and smoking weed with his friends. It made Y/n irritated, she was the one who had to clean up after their mess. Whenever she asked Jordan to change the hangout place, he simply refused saying that their house was the resigned hangout place.

Y/n picked up the phone and put it to her ear. 

“Hello, Y/n speaking.”

“Hey girl!” A cheery feminine voice called through the phone. It was Carly, Y/n's best friend since middle school.

“Hey Carly, you okay babe?”

“Girl, get ready, we're going out!”

“Now, where?”

“Chin Tiki, I know you're stuck at home with your brother and his dumb friends.”

“Yeah, I am, the house stinks of weed.”

“Well hurry up and meet me at Chin Tiki before your brother makes you clean the house again.”

“Okay, okay, I'll see you. Bye.”

Y/n hung up the phone and ran to her room to get ready quickly. She decided to wear a mid thigh dark blue denim skirt with a simple top. She did her hair and makeup and threw on her favourite heels.

She went downstairs, walking past her brothers and his friends.

“Hey, where are you going?” Jordan asked.

“Out.” Y/n responded, eager to leave the house.

“I can see that, where are you going?”

“Chin Tiki. With Carly. I'll be back soon.”

“Well, we're about to leave for Chin Tiki too. Can you clean the living room?”

“No, you and your friends can clean. It's your mess, not mine.”

“Damn Jordan, your sister's finally started to talk back.” Future said.

The guys all laughed at Future's remark. She glared at him. She was never really fond of Future, or any of her brother's friends to be exact.

“I don't care Jordan, I'm not cleaning.”

Jordan slowly started getting out his seat and heading towards the front door. “Too bad, because we're already leaving.”

His friends followed him out the door quickly, also eager to get out. Y/n groaned, muttering something under her breath as she picked up the empty beer cans.

“Hey do you need any help?” A voice asked.

Y/n looked up and saw one of Jordan's friends, standing by the door awkwardly. He was wearing a dark blue beanie and dark baggy clothes.

“Oh, it's fine. Don't worry. You can get going.”

“Nah, it's fine. I'll help.”

He started picking up the empty cans on the floor and throwing them into the bin.

“Uh, Jimmy, right?” Y/n asked.

“That's me, but people call me Rabbit. You're Y/n, right?”

She nodded. “Thanks again… you didn't need to help.”

“It's fine. Like you said, it's our mess. Not yours.”

“Thank you.”

They finished cleaning up and left the house. 

“Do you need a ride? We're getting in Future's car, we can budge up for you.” Rabbit asked.

“I'll be fine. I've walked to the bar by myself at night many times and made it in one piece.” She smiled.

He chuckled. “Alright then.”

Y/n eventually made it to Chin Tiki, where she saw Carly. Radiant and beautiful as always. She hugged her tightly before they ordered a few drinks and took their seats.

“Hey isn't that Jordan and his friends?” Carly asked. She nodded over to the table where Jordan and his friends were sitting with a few girls.

Y/n turned to look, herself. “Oh yeah.” She saw Rabbit sitting at the table looking unfazed as he sipped his water.

“Who caught your eye?” Carly asked.

“Hm?” Y/n asked.

“You were staring at one of your brother's friends. Who?”

“No one.”

Carly nudged her friend’s arm. “Stop lying.”

“I'm not lying!” Y/n chuckled.

“You're doing that thing with your eyebrows when you lie. Tell me the truth.”

“Okay, there's this one guy-”

“I knew it!”

“I don't like him like that. He just helped me clean the living room instead of letting me suffer in silence.”

“Well that's sweet of him. And what am I talking about, you don't need to focus on guys right now. You've got a modelling career lined up for you.”

Y/n chuckled. “Thanks girl. Should we head out after a few minutes?”

“Sounds good to me.” 

Around 30 minutes later, the girls both left the bar and went outside through the back where the car park was. Whilst walking, they both spotted Rabbit sitting on the hood of the car listening to music on his headphones.

“I know you don't like him like that, but just go to him. What's the harm?” Carly said.

“Okay. I'll just say hi and come back.” Y/n replied.

She approached Rabbit and sat next to him on the hood. He took off his headphones and smiled at her softly.

“What brings you here?” He asked.

“Just wanted to say hi.” She replied. “What are you listening to?”

“Oh, uh. Just some rap.”

“Cool. Do you also wanna be a rapper like everyone else here?”

“Yeah, matter of fact, I do. You?”

“I wanna be a model.”

“Yeah? That's cool I guess.”

“Mhm. I haven't been able to find many places for me to apply yet. So I'm just stuck working at some small diner.”

“I've got a demo with my guy Wink lined up. He's gonna help me. I rap at the shelter too, but last night didn't go too well though. I uh-”

“I know. My brother told me. Which is surprising, he never tells me anything.”

“Why's that?”

“Well-”

“What are you two up to?” A voice interrupted.

Y/n looked up and saw Jordan with his friends, also accompanied by another guy who she recognised as Wink. 

She quickly got off the hood of the car as her brother and his friends approached closer.

“What are you doing?” Jordan asked.

“Just talking to him.” Y/n replied.

“Hey Rabbit, we're all going over to my house right now.” Wink said.

“What about your mum? Is she not home?” Rabbit asked.

“Nah. She's working nights now.” Wink smiled at me. “You can come too if you want.”

“Absolutely not.” Jordan butted in. “She's got work tomorrow.”

“Man, we all got work tomorrow, just let her have it.” Wink replied.

“Fine.”

“Can Carly come too?” Y/n asked.

“The more the merrier.” Wink replied.

Y/n thanked him before going to get Carly. She was quick to say yes, she was always up to go anywhere as long as her friend was always with her. 

“Is it okay if you guys can give us a ride?” Y/n asked the guys.

They were bunched up in the car like sardines in a can. They were all laughing together about whatnot and having a blast.

“So why do they call you Rabbit?” Y/n asked.

“Cause he's fast and likes to fuck a lot.” Future laughed.

Everyone laughed at Future's response. 

“All jokes aside, he's super talented. He's rapping next week at the shelter on Friday if you wanna see him ladies.” Future said.

“Maybe I'll come watch if I have time.” Y/n responded.

They eventually reached Wink's house and got out of the car quickly, feeling a quick relief of air after being crowded in the car.

Y/n and Carly walked with Wink as he led them to his house, the boys were trailing behind.

“Man, I can't rap next week. I have work.” Rabbit told Future.

“You'll go if she's there.” Future responded hinting to Y/n. He made sure he was quiet so Jordan couldn't hear.

“She's cute, but I don't like her like that. I don't think she's interested in me either. Plus, I think I wanna have a break from dating after Janeane.”

“Alright, fair enough. But try coming next week, okay? Forget last night. You're gonna do great.”

Everyone was having a good time at Wink's place. Y/n and Carly danced together and laughed with each other, it felt good for her to feel free for a while and not feel this immense weight on her shoulders.

Meanwhile Rabbit, Jordan and Future were lounging on the couch, taking a rest.

“Fucking Wink, man.” Future replied. “I hate him. Tryna act like the big guy around here.”

“Me too. Are you sure about this free demo thing with Wink, Rabbit?” Jordan asked.

“Yeah. He's gonna help me out, guys. What's the big deal?”

“Free comes with dick up your ass.”

Meanwhile, Iz started complaining about something to Cheddar and a few girls. 

“Another example of people's needs being denied by the city. I don't understand why the media's not all over it. Matter of time before it all happens again and the city won't care.” Iz complained.

“What the fuck is he talking about?” Rabbit asked.

Cheddar turned to face Rabbit. “That abandoned house where that little girl got raped.”

“It's what you call an “Attractive Nuisance.” Iz said. “If that house was on the other side of 8 mile, it wouldn't still be standing.”

“It could've been Lily, Rabbit.” Cheddar said.

Rabbit glanced over at Future and Jordan. Then at Sol who was across the room. They all gave each other a knowing smirk.

“Burn this shit to the ground!” Future whooped as he poured gasoline over the abandoned house.

Y/n and Carly were outside by the car, talking to Jordan.

“Can we come too?” Y/n asked.

“Hell no! It is too dangerous for you and Carly. You two can stay out here.”

“We're not babies Jordan.”

“Be grateful I even let you be here. Otherwise, I would've sent you home.”

 “And aren't you going?” Y/n retaliated.

“Yeah but it's fine for me.” Jordan replied before grabbing a can of gasoline and making his way to the house.

“He's so annoying.” Y/n said.

“He's just trying to protect you.” Carly said. “It's cute.”

Y/n gave Carly a look. “You gonna go after my brother now?”

“No, I was just saying it's sweet of him. Plus, I think Wink's pretty cute. He was looking at me earlier.”

“Well then go shoot your shot. Look, he's just standing there. Go!” Y/n nudged Carly forward.

“Okay, I'm going!” Carly chuckled as she went over to Wink and started making a conversation with him.

A minute or two passed when all of a sudden, the house erupted into flames. It was a blazing firestorm, brightening the dark night sky.

Rabbit appeared from the back and saw Y/n leaning against the car as she admired the burning house. He approached her with a soft smile.

“It's almost beautiful, isn't it?” Y/n asked.

“Yeah. Piece of shit should burn to the ground.” Rabbit replied.

Y/n chuckled. “I wanted to go in. My stupid brother wouldn't let me.”

“He's just trying to make sure you're safe.”

“Yeah, but sometimes it's annoying. He has to make sure he knows what I'm doing all the time. You know how earlier at Chin Tiki I said that he never tells me anything anymore? Well ever since mum died, he's just been so different. He's so secretive and moody but he can't let me be secretive.”

“I get that it can be annoying but, he's doing it because he doesn't wanna lose you too.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told me.”

“He did?”

“He said to me one night when we went out that he wanted to make sure you lived a good life. He said he knew he was being strict but he told me did it because he didn't want to lose you. You guys only have each other.”

“I guess…”

“And sometimes Future says something about you. Like he'll say you're hot and that he wants you and then Jordan gets absolutely pissed. If we weren't there to hold him back, Future would've been a dead man.”

Y/n chuckled. “That sounds like him. You got any siblings?”

“I've got a little sister at home. Lily. She's 7. I'd do anything for her. I love her so much.”

Y/n smiled at Rabbit's caring demeanour for his sister. She noticed how his voice softened when he talked about her, it made her feel content herself.

Sooner or later, everybody got home, managing to escape from the cops just in time.

Y/n and Jordan got home and immediately got hit with the stench of the weed that still lingered in the house.

“Did you not use Air freshener?” Jordan asked.

“I did. Didn't have much time.” Y/n responded.

“Right…” Jordan replied.

“Look, if you don't want the house to be messy and smell then just change the hangout place!” 

“You know what? Fine. I'll ask. Only because you weren't so annoying today.

Y/n scoffed as retreated to her room and got changed out of her clothes. She was starting to consider that what Rabbit said about Jordan might've been a lie just to make her feel better.

[kooksbunnnn]

Lost cause? 4: Can my happiness ever last?

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook× Female!Reader

Genre: Established relationship/ marriage, angst, heartbreak, makeout and kissing mentions, INFIDELITY. Panic attacks (TRIGGER WARNING). Pregnancy (do not read if this content triggers you) also, 18+, This is purely a work of FICTION please take it as FICTION only. Therapy and psychological conversations. Tears, guilt, regret and hope maybe?

Word counts: 10.1k approx

Summary: You always wondered, how would your life turn out to be if you and Jungkook had a baby? So, when you finally conceive and decide to tell your husband that you are pregnant, you didn't expect him to drop this bomb on you. You never would've thought that the surprise you planned would end up in agonized tears because of the shock your husband brings you. 

Authors note: Hello, my lovely readers, or should I call you all my bunnnnys? It sounds cute to me hehe, its a cute little name for my kooksbunnnn family, the readers who wait for me, love me, and read the stories I write. Thank you for waiting so patiently, ily guys. Here's chapter 4, I got a little carried away with words, hence the 10k 👉👈 sorry for the long wait once again, enjoy the chapter now. Bye-bye!

Previous chapter

___________________________________________

Seriously breathe louder Ross

You giggle watching an Instagram reel of a scene from friends where a pregnant Rachel snaps at Ross, who was just standing as you put another grape into your mouth from the container Jungkook packed for you with washed grapes.

As you scroll through the comments on the mentioned reel, you can't help but read some of the comments,

Comment: Rachel has such pretty hair.

True. You always wanted to try her hairstyles.

Comment: people should appreciate how the writers gave every female character a different kind of motherhood and different experiences, and it’s beautiful how they portrayed every feeling. Also, I can't imagine how one of them had a miscarriage in real.

Miscarriage. This word itself makes your body shiver with fear, and you immediately feel your throat get heavy. You shake your head at this and scroll further, not wanting to cry for the 6th time on the same day.

Comment: Being pregnant is a magical experience, sure, but it's a whole ass rollercoaster of emotions, and you won't be ready for the amount of mood swings that come with it.

Yea, No shit.

Comment: I love how Rachel had a character development nobody ever expected.

Mhm. True.

Comment: Can’t believe how they ended up together even after Ross cheated on her.

That got personal, guess it was time to delete Instagram.

Month 6 and a half, day 188 since that night and you’re surprisingly alive. The night your heart got broken and you didn't think you would make it through 2 months of life.

More like, you didn't think you could make it alone, without Jungkook. Technically? Yes, you couldn't live without seeing him or hearing him for the start of your pregnancy and now he is always around you.

Always around. Helping you sit, eat, drink, lie, puke, pee, and all this while being at his respectable distance from you.

“Cut yourself some slack, you're growing someone inside you. It's okay to be dependent while you're going through so much..” that's what your mom said when you asked her about your future and if it was a mistake going through with this.

Looking back to her advice from weeks ago you feel like you are being a little hard on yourself. Therapy. Sonograms. Lamaze classes, doctor appointments, morning-afternoon-evening sickness, hormones, mood swings, and whatnot. You feel excited for your baby to come into the world but would it be wrong if you said you were scared?

When you asked these questions to the people around you these were the answers:

Mom: “Yes honey, of course, it’s okay to be scared. Your life will change, and sometimes you feel like you won't know what you’re doing, but trust me having kids is a tiring but very beautiful experience.”

Dad: “Sweetie, it's completely normal. Your mom used to freak out a lot as well when she had you. We’re here for you, it's all gonna be okay.

Namjoon’s wife, Binna: “I have seen my sister go through it and I am gonna be honest, it is difficult and the delivery is gonna be tough but the results make it all worth it. I am so excited to start my family one day, too!”

Jin’s wife: “It's a little nerve-wracking, to be honest, but it's the best thing Y/N, trust me I have never cried harder than when I saw that my test results were not accurate, I was heartbroken. Trust me, this is the best thing that would happen to you.”

Namjoon, Jin, and Jimin in different words but similar contexts: “I don't know much about how you're feeling right now so I can't say I understand but trust me, I’ll be by your side and our dumb little brother’s side always. We’re a family, Y/N.”

Hobi and Taehyung came together while you and Jungkook were having dinner: We have seen our sisters and relatives go through pregnancy, and it honestly looks so overwhelming. We respect women more every day. We’re here always, just one call away.” They had said with smiles on their faces.

Yoongi: “I am not good with words or comforting people, Y/N, but I just wanna assure you that I am always here. All of us will be there for you both. It's not gonna be easy for you, mentally or body-wise, but never feel alone. You’re our family and always will be, no matter what.” He said, patting you like you were a kid while Jungkook sniffled sitting by your side in your sitting area.

The most common advice everyone gave was: Be easy with yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’re going through a lot.

And it was true. You and Jungkook have been working on your relationship’s progress ever since your first session, and somehow it was going pretty well. You had dinner together and he made sure he attended the sonography sessions and therapy sessions with you.

You had regular sessions together and Ms. Shin recommended you both try talking about the future ahead. No definite planning, just talking about the options.

Wall paints, cradles, toys, shopping, diaper brands, baby food, everything you could see in the future around your baby. Since the biggest reason for fixing your relationship was because of your baby, you needed to familiarize yourself sitting around talking about the little person gluing you both together.

So you both decided to have dinner together daily and decided to make a pre-baby diary while eating. Yes, it was Jungkook’s idea. It's been 8 days since the last therapy session and you have already listed the paint options for the baby’s room, went maternity clothes shopping with your husband and browsed some cradle options.

All was well, right?

On the outside, yes. In your ovaries? No.

The lingering attraction you so badly tried to avoid for the past week is still lingering in the air around you. You roll your eyes as you feel embarrassment creep up your neck at how dumb you have been behaving around your husband.

You feel emotional, horny and everything at once. Absolutely mental.

♡♡♡

“I don't think I am normal anymore.”

The therapist watches you utter the sentence with a manic like chuckle. She must be thinking you're insane. You notice how her hand freezes for a mini second and then continues to pass you the glass filled with water.

“My question, however, Mrs Jeon, was how did your weekend shopping go, but you can still go on. Why would you think such a thought?” Your therapist calmly asks you after waiting for your response to her earlier question for a good minute.

You finally take the glass of water in her hand stretched towards you after muttering a low ‘thankyou’.

After what happened with you and Jungkook and his damn damp hair, you were freaking out. One moment you were feeling like you could cry out of embarrassment but the next moment you wanted to make out with him in the kitchen while he wore his white dress shirt and those grey joggers you always loved.

Okay. You know this is weird, hence the embarrassment. Duh?! Earlier you weren't able to control the urges you felt, the mood swings, the craving, and now?! This fucking arousal.

You made an appointment with your doctor as soon as you woke up the following morning, hoping she would prescribe some pills or any kind of medications to reduce the arousal you felt but it didn’t help you much because there was no way of completely avoiding that.

The doctor didn’t suggest you take the pills that might’ve helped you because you already had a lot of mood swings and anxiety episodes, those pills could’ve worsened them. She makes sense, a lot of sense but only when you thought about it with a cool head.

But at that moment, while she was telling you all that? It's just safe to say you can grit your anger in between your teeth.

Now you were sitting in front of your therapist hoping she would help you reverse the psychology or something which would help you not feel horny for your husband.

‘Your husband who betrayed you and was now trying to make up for what he did which you were okay with and hoping for everything to be better one fucking day ago but now you feel like you wanna kiss him so badly it makes you dizzy’

It was like a mantra, hecheatedhecheatedhecheated, so that you don't pull him in to kiss the shit out of his cute little face.

When you say the same things you thought, your therapist nodded her head noting something down in her notepad. Maybe she thought you were mental.

“Mrs Jeon, I would suggest you control your sexual urges towards your husband by trying to remove yourself from the room he’s in. Considering he doesn’t sleep with you, but if he does-“ but you cut her sentence in the middle by whispering quickly in his defense.

“No-no he doesn't, he sleeps outside in the lobby.” You shake your head not making eye contact, feeling somehow guilty of your husband's daily discomfort.

“And it's completely okay, Mrs. Jeon, to have your space and have some distance. It doesn't make you a bad person.”

Damn, she is good. You need to give her great ratings. You look up at her and watch as she nods her head with a small smile making you feel at ease.

“Did you talk about this issue with Mr. Jeon?” She asks you, and you shake your head slightly. Why do you feel guilty, and what do you feel guilty of most importantly? Nodding to your reaction, she says, “Would you like to discuss why?”

“Would that even change anything?” You say with a huff a second after she finishes her sentence, frustration evident on your face.

Shrugging she says, “It might make things clearer..” her eyes slowly crinkled due to her hair falling in her eyes. Flicking it away she looks at you slightly tilting her head. “Isn't this what you chose, Mrs Jeon? Being honest is what your relationship needs at this point, isn’t it?

Sighing you realize how you might be running away from things, after all, you chose this journey. You both did and somehow you feel you might be turning into an obstacle towards a better family life, yourself.

Turning your head towards the plant in the room’s corner, you speak with a distant voice, “I don't know, All that I have gathered from the problems I have had in my life is that I could win any kind of battle if it were against my mind but if it's my heart I am fighting against? It's a fucking lost cause.”

“What do you think is the reason you would be fighting your heart, Mrs jeon?”

You scoff whipping your head towards her, eyes glistening. Digging your nails before saying what you feel just on the tip of your tongue,

“I love him.”

There's a pause, followed by your therapist humming.

“I love him so much I wanna forgive him and try to make things better but..”

“But..?”

Another pause. A suffocating one.

“I can't seem to do that to myself or my kid. What kind of an example would I be if I give in to something that's not right?!” After you notice how your expressions change into a frustrated scowl in the tiny mirror behind your therapist's head you feel your tears start to fall off.

“I am sorry.” You say sniffling and somehow embarrassed of your feelings taking over you.

“It's okay, Mrs. Jeon, here..” she offered you the tissue kept on her desk, and you wiped your tears chuckling at your situation.

How did your life get to where it was? You have no absolute fucking clue.

♡♡♡

You wince minutely when you reminisce how your last session went with Ms. Shin.

One moment you were crying because you can't forget the night he told you that he cheated on you and one moment you cried because you wanna hug him and then cry into his chest about how your hormones wanted you to kiss him but you can't because then you would cry about how you shouldn't be feeling like this about someone who betrayed you, then again you cry because you can't forget how he betrayed you.

It's like a frustrating cycle. A cycle you wanna throw off of a freaking dam to let it drown and maybe rust when the water starts to break the metal. Maybe that would help break it because there was no way in hell you could succeed in breaking it.

Not to mention how you have to pee every minute of the day and then crave pickles with some honey on them while sitting on the toilet seat.

Sounds tasty, right? Yeah, you shake your head in a quick no too as soon as you step outside and think how pickles would rather taste better with peanut butter on it.

As you deal with your tears and the spasmodic hand stomping on the pillow or table around you to let go of the kissy-kissy thoughts in your head, your husband stays clueless.

Not clueless about the hormones, na-ah.

Just the fact that you stare at him before you slap your hand on the table, or thump down the cup on the table too harshly for anyone to not notice. He tried to ask you if you felt okay. But ended up getting yelled at for not leaving you alone.

You once yelled at him for leaving the windows open which you asked to be left open, saying he should’ve known better when to close them.

This looks cute in shows and movies of how cute the mother-to-be looks yelling at a clueless husband but you on the other hand feel bad for making him feel actually at fault when he has been trying his best to make you feel comfortable.

What does he do after getting yelled at? He apologizes, does what you asked or yelled at him to do, and leaves. He still comes back and eats the dinner your mother made with you and your dad helping her out.

You feel terrible for how you are behaving around him, the worst part being that he takes everything you do and say to him without even reacting ever so slightly. You tried living life with him normally but you can’t forget the thought that lingers in the back of your head; that the favorite part of living your life with him was the affection, the touches.

It's frustrating to say the least that you haven't even hugged him in the last few months, you know that there is a reason behind the distance but since your mind tells you to create boundaries and try things again, your heart doesn’t understand how someone could try to make things better from a distance. Especially you and Jungkook.

He did everything according to how you needed without you telling him. Your childhood therapist once told you no matter how perfect a person tried to be there are certain situations where you can’t control the things the universe decides for you. She said that when you were having trouble accepting that you were the reason one of your ex-best friends changed schools, stating that you made her feel insecure. You had no idea.

So you accepted your fate, then and now as well. Doing things as they go in the flow. You had a discussion with your parents about how you are supposed to be having dinner with Jungkook as advised by your therapist so your mom and dad eat their dinner by 7 o’clock as advised by their doctors while you accompany them by having your soup or tea.

They thought it was a good idea so you agreed to do it.

By 9 o’clock or quarter to 9 Jungkook enters and you have your dinner and the discussion you are supposed to have about the baby.

It has been 15 minutes since your mom and dad went to their room after insisting on sitting with you while you wait for Jungkook to be back. You have your phone in your hand which starts to buzz with Jungkook’s name on the screen with the bunny emoji.

Picking up with a smile you answer to his voice.

God, you missed him.

Yep, you said it.

Picking up he seems like he is on the way and is trying to get his phone back from someone. “Hyung give me my phone back, hold his hands Yoongi hyung, hey-!” yes he was snatching his phone back.

You can hear a bunch of yelling noises in the background and you recognize the screaming voice immediately, Jimin. You shake your head at the chaos and smile putting a grape in your mouth.

“Hey, Y/N I am sorry I am a little late, I just wanted to ask if it's okay with me to bring Jimin and Yoongi Hyung over to your parent's house we have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

“Yeah, of course, kook, it's okay. Is everything okay though?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“What did you call me?”

Your eyes widen at how you didn't even realize how normal this felt to you. You haven't called him Kook ever since you cried in his car after your first therapy session, always walking on eggshells.

“Y/N?”

Courage. Squeezing your fist and eyes shut you say,

“I called you k-kook. Is that not okay?”

Your leg starts to shake not knowing what to say next.

“No! Fuck, I mean it's more than okay. You know what? Let's not talk about it I don't wanna jinx it.” You can hear him smile and you can't help but widen your smile. It has been so long since you smiled this wide and you somehow feel better.

You repeat the words in your head, Don't feel guilty Y/N, go with it. Go with the flow. Cut yourself some slack. You’re going through a lot, be easy on yourself.

You smile and hear him chuckle before-

“Oh, no hyung not in my car ugh, we’ll be there in 5 minutes Y/N, I’ll reheat the food when I get there don't worry. Yoongi Hyung push his head out the window please-” And he hangs up.

Smiling at the chaotic phone call, you get up to check on your mom and dad if they are still up, wanting to tell them about the guests coming over. But since they were soundly asleep with the nightlights on, you switch them off, regulate the fan's speed, and take the phone from your sleeping-snoring mom’s hand plugging it to the charger and checking if they had water around them.

After checking up on your parents you close the door to their room and walk towards the kitchen to drink some water. Even the small activities could make a pregnant lady tired and the jug in your room was empty so you walked slowly towards the fridge. The pain getting better but still evident in your lower back which makes you put a hand on your back while you open the refrigerator.

Suddenly you spot a Harley bike model Jungkook gifted your father when he came home to meet your parents for the first time. Your father was really happy seeing the model, him being a Harley fan. If age didn't play a role in life your father would've still been traveling with your mom like those couples you saw in uni.

You remember how you and Jungkook loved to travel on his bike, you holding onto him as if your life depended on it, hair flowing from under the helmet and him accelerating the bike through the streets, hills, and empty roads leading to the cabin the whole group planned to visit during his and Namjoon’s collective birthday celebration.

Damn, you were so in love. Still are, and will probably always be.

The group has always been there for you, they're like the family you never knew you needed until they came into your life. The chaos was a part of your life, the screams, the teasing, the weekend game nights, the celebrations, movie nights which turned into everybody and their girlfriends crashing in the lobby on the mattresses Jungkook bought for the night stays.

You remember what the situation was when you met him for the first time six years ago.

♡♡♡

“Damnit Tae, jump outta here.” You argue with Taehyung as the three of you look out the window of your room.

“Fuck no. Are you mental? I’ll die if I jump out of here.” Taehyung says whisper yelling at your roommate, Aera, who rolls her eyes at her dramatic “friend” panicking with wide eyes.

“No, you won't, don’t be dramatic.” You scoff as you push him slightly in the windows direction.

“It's a whole ass floor Y/N, the fuck is wrong with you?” He scowls at you as he regains balance panicking.

“Maybe we should call Jungkook.”

“Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook with that loud-ass bike? Nice. Sneaking a boy out of our room with the help of another boy. Fan-fucking-tastic, Taehyung.” You clap two times with a straight face.

“Guys,” your friend giggles as she tries to focus on the main topic in the room, while Taehyung goes back to sit on your roommate’s bed.

“I think he is right, Y/N, we could at least get help from JK.”

“Mhm, help in getting kicked out.” You mumble not so quietly earning yourself a middle finger from Taehyung and an eyeroll from Aera.

“Fine, do whatever you want.” You say rolling your eyes.

The thing was you were only partly nervous because of your forced eviction but also because you had never met Jungkook, the campus crush. More like the crush of every girl who saw him on his bike. You were not one of them, at least you wouldn't admit that but you wouldn't deny that he was a pretty face to look at and a very hot piece of ass to stare at. The proportions of that man were totally insane.

Tiny waist, big- biteable chest, broad shoulders, thick thighs, luscious hair locks, biceps people could hang on, the all-black outfit, and the very contrasting facial features. If he wore a helmet people wouldn't imagine how the guy had big doe boba eyes and a cute mole under his lips, skin better than half of the girls who spent so much on products. He always had that glint in his eyes making him seem so innocent, innocent but with a physique that can crush people.

You never talked to him so you don't know how he sounds or if he is a rude person. You just know he is Taehyung’s friend whom he hangs out with around the campus.

While you thought about how Jungkook might or might not be your crush, Taehyung called him and you all got up to sneak him out of the house.

“Wait you don't need to come if you don't want to Y/N,” Aera said after looking around the hallways and telling Taehyung to tiptoe downstairs since her aunt’s room was on the same floor as yours.

“H-Huh? N-no I wanna go as well. So that if she wakes up I can tell her we both went out to get some fresh air while the guys ran away y-you know? “

You said. Terrible at lying. You wanted to see the man coming to save his friend.

Your friend was in a hurry sneaking her fuck buddy out so she didn't pay attention to what you said and how you said it. A total stuttering mess.

Walking out of the house you never imagined him to be so..so..so tasty. Thats the only words that come to your mind. He parked his bike at a safe distance because of how much noise it made and approached you guys.

The image in your hand was like the 480p version of how beautiful and ethereal he was but in reality, he had tattoos. Tattoos! Not even a small one, a whole arm that stretched inside his white sleeveless tee.

You thanked the cloth gods for making this particular article of clothing because you needed to see how hot men you would want to eat up looked in it.

“Told you, you would need my help.” He smirks as Taehyung walks past him only turning around to come back and give Aera a quick kiss and then running away again, making her blush.

“Run dumbass, their landlord would skewer us on her cane,” Taehyung says and you chuckle at how exaggerated he made Aera’s aunt sound. At your chuckle, Jungkook looks at you and you pause mid-laugh when you notice him looking at you.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook.” He extends his hand towards you and you blush not knowing how to respond to his raspy voice.

“Yeah, I know you.” You say staring at him with heat on your cheeks and immediately kick yourself mentally.

You sound like a fucking creep. I know you? seriously?

He smiles, “..and you are..?

“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude I’m Y/N, Hi heh.” You extend your hand to shake his and he whispers your name under his breath eyes still looking into yours.

“Hi Y/N, you’re very pretty.” While he rubs his thumb on your already heating skin making it burst into flames as he rubs it again.

“Kook!” Taehyung yells and you break the eye contact, taking your hand back.

“It's okay don't be sorry, I didn't find you rude rather, I found you cute.” He says as you look at him again. You think it was an imagination of your beauty-struck head or maybe it was due to dark but..did he just check you out?

You give him a confused look at what he said, making him chuckle. He sounds so deliciously hot and raspy. God.

“That you know who I am, considering how you’re always in the art studio. I found it cute.” He says with a smile leaning slightly towards your face and you lean back at the same time he leans in. He stays towering over you and maybe notices your expressions. You just hope he didn't notice how red your cheeks might be.

Does he know about the art studio? Only people close to you knew about it.

Seeing your wide eyes, he straightens up to his original height and chuckles. He sounds so good, it reaches inside you and you knew that you were fucked.

“Kook?” You didn't even notice when Taehyung came back to drag his friend back. Slapping his shoulder and then sprinting towards the bike again.

“Kook, let's go. She switched on some kind of light in her room oh god. She’ll beat your and my asses collectively.” Taehyung yells waving his friends over.

“Hey we’re gonna be in the beat party as well, Y/N lets go,” Aera speaks from the driveway of her aunt's house, slowly retrieving her steps.

But you were stuck. Stuck on how his bunny teeth played with the piercing on his lips. Not being able to bear eye contact with him, you flicked your eyes away.

When Taehyung yelled again from a distance, Jungkook responded with a ‘yea yea coming’ while stepping backward with his white sleeveless tee sticking to his body.

Generally, you didn't like summers but you were so glad it was hot enough that he decided to wear a sleeveless outfit, for you to ogle his tattoos.

Taehyung and Aera were already away from the both of you, Taehyung at a safer distance from the house and Aera still waiting for you at the house hoping her aunt just woke up for her nightly washroom trips and didn't see you guys with these beautiful men.

With a smile on his face, he stepped back facing you. Clicking his tongue twice to get your attention, you looked at him to immediately regret locking eyes with him. He winked at you and said, “See you around, sweetheart.”

You swear you saw his eyes flitting to your lips and then to your skirt that was flowing with the slight wind in the surroundings before he turned around and ran towards his panicking friend.

You knew he was casually flirting and was out of your league. And since you didn't believe your luck would suddenly turn out to be on your side you didn't think of his wink as something more than something casual.

But goddamnit, the crush you never admitted to, was finally admitted in your heart.

♡♡♡

You smile as you pick the model in your hand at the fond memories of how you tried so hard to remain just friends with the guy even though he hung out with you daily, accompanied you in your art studio confirming he knew about you before meeting you. You never knew your friendship could be more than what it was but maybe growing up and getting jobs made you want to prioritize yourself and your wants, so you decided to tell him how you felt but he beat you to it three days before you planned on confessing.

“Sorry sweetheart, wanted to kiss you as my girlfriend on Valentine's Day without the fear of rejection in the back of my brain.” That's what he said before he kissed the living daylights out of you on the gazebo at your favorite park.

You smile remembering how he took you to the park saying the cherry blossoms were blooming early that year, you believed him nodding with excitement and you went along with him running and holding hands. Reaching there you were sad that no blossoms were blooming but then he gave you the promise ring he ordered from the vintage store you loved so much. You knew it cost him a lot but when you asked him about it he just chuckled deeply avoiding that question and before you could pick that topic again he kneeled on one knee and asked you to be his girlfriend officially.

You smile at the memories and keep the bike model back on the shelf, the flashback coming to a halt as you come back to the living room when your phone buzzes with your husband's name on it.

He didn't ring the doorbell nowadays to be cautious in case your parents were asleep. So you went to the door and opened it already expecting Jimin leaning on Jungkook’s shoulders while Yoongi just snickered at his younger brother, seeming unconscious but Jimin was very much awake, also very very drunk as he clung to Yoongi telling him everything was going to be okay. Jungkook held three bags as he gave you a sheepish smile at his Hyungs’ behavior.

“Yes, Yes, Jimin. It's gonna be okay.” Yoongi held Jimin very firmly while giving you a small smile before asking where to put him so that he could blubber nonsense somewhere your neighbors wouldn't hear.

Jungkook chuckles and leads them to the guest room while muttering a ‘hi’, looking at you from head to toe as if checking if you had any injuries.

“Hi,” you whisper, enough for him to catch your voice.

“How was your day?” You ask trying to take the bags from his hand but he tilts his body giving you a look that says ‘Really?’.

Sighing with a smile, you close the door and follow him inside.

“It was good- Oh shit the guest room door is locked. Wait hyung let me get the key” he put the bags on the counter while a grunting Yoongi held a wobbly Jimin in his hands.

“Wow realized it so soon,” Yoongi says sarcastically l as Jimin looks at you with a smile on his face. Gasping dramatically, he removes himself from his brother's shoulders and comes towards you, slightly tilted, but he somehow reaches you.

“I can see your baby.” Your eyes widen at what he said and you scoff a laugh as Jimin kneels down in front of your belly.

“He means you’re showing, and he is noticing that now, only, he sounds creepy as fuck.” Yoongi walks back to the sofa and sits down with a long sigh.

“May I please?” He says as hovers his hands over your belly with big puppy eyes and you chuckle at how patiently he wants you to answer.

“Yes, Jimin you may.” You say with a laugh and he whispers to your tummy hovering his hand above it like it's a crystal ball.

“Hi tiny person, I am Jimin, your godfather..” he giggles at the end of his sentence while you hear Yoongi chuckle from the couch.

“The fuck? When did we decide that hyung?” Jungkook stands next to you with keys hanging from his fingers, narrowed gaze focused on his elder brother.

“Shhhhhh” Jimin shushes Jungkook loudly almost spitting on your belly. You laugh as he looks pointedly at Jungkook.

“You don’t get to decide that. Dumbass.” Jimin slurs out and tries to get up grabbing the trousers Jungkook wore, almost making him fall over with his weight.

“Hyung, fuck you’re heavy when drunk.”

“I fucking know right? I don’t know how that happens..” Yoongi mumbles typing something on his phone, stretching his neck sideways to pop the strained muscle.

Jungkook stumbles while you also try to help him balance Jimin by bending slightly to keep a hand on his shoulders, but then you remove it as Jungkook whispers ‘I got him I got him’ assuringly not wanting you to take any strain.

Smiling to yourself you walk over to the couch adjacent to where Yoongi was sitting, asking if he needed water or anything like that.

“Nah I’m good. Thanks.” He waves his hand as he keeps his phone aside watching how Jungkook manages to drag Jimin back.

“...You’ll look good in a tutu as well..” Jimin says to Jungkook poking a finger to his sides continuously. “You know a white one with stars on it, I’ll gift it to the baby so that you can match your outfits then” Jungkook rolls his eyes in annoyance as Jimin’s voice fades into the guest room Jungkook opens for him to sleep in.

“Let me go check up on him yeah?” Yoongi says softly getting up from the couch, picking up a banana on the way to the guest room. Raising one of his brows and the fruit in the air as if asking for permission to eat it. You tilt your head with narrowed eyes passing on the message, ‘You have to ask?’

He smiles slightly shrugging and heads towards the guest room while pealing the banana.

“Jungkook, is he under control now or still wobbly- oh, fuck no-“ Yoongi asks from outside of the room but then pauses in his tracks as you hear Jungkook whine slightly out of disgust and you immediately get up feeling a slight ache in your lower back due to the hurry.

“Is everything okay?” You ask concern evident in your eyes.

Yoongi chuckles and moves away from the door, shaking his head. “Not gonna eat this now, sorry, Y/N.” He says, still laughing.

“Oh no did he-“Before you could say something Jungkook stomps his way out of the guest room and you immediately feel nausea entering you seeing your husband's sleeve covered in vomit.

“Hyung could you please help me heat the food? I’m gonna go take a shower, sorry hyungie just please-“ he continues walking towards the common bathroom at the end of the hall.

“Sure” Yoongi chuckles moving towards the fridge.

“I’ll help you..” you take a step towards the crockery cupboard.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll do it, you sit.” He says pausing you midway.

“No Yoongi lemme help..” you say but he just points the small spoon towards the island chair.

“It's okay Y/N I’ll do it.” He says nodding while opening the Tupperware filled with the various side dishes and the tofu-miso stew.

“I just don't wanna trouble you Yoongi, thanks though.” You say giving up on offering help as he heats the food one by one in the microwave.

“Oh it's not for free, I am taking the godfather’s title in exchange for this.” He smirks glancing at the room Jimin slept in.

“Yeah okay, try beating Jimin for the title. You chuckle looking in the same direction for a second and then at the man heating up the food. While he just gives you a small laugh while warming up the rice in the cooker, mumbling, “We’ll see who wins.”

You smile and pat your feet on the ground in a rhythm as Yoongi places the food on the kitchen island. You feel guilty for making him do this but he has already rejected your help three times so there was no point in arguing over it.

“Y/N?” Yoongi whispers looking at a plate in his hand.

“Yea?”

“I know it's none of my business and I should not even say something about this but can I just say it's really nice that you’re trying again?” He says lifting his head to look at your reaction to what he said.

You feel yourself freeze, this is the first time you had a conversation about your situation with Jungkook, the cheating, and the decision to try again. You sure talked about the pregnancy and yes there was always that lingering awkwardness in the air but this was new.

“Yea..” you sigh looking at your lap for a second and then lifting your head to give him a soft smile.

“Not everyone is lucky enough to get a chance to revive their relationship.” He says still looking at the plate while tracing the pattern on it with his index finger.

You know that his relationship ended badly, you knew how much he loved his girlfriend, you know he acts like it's okay but his dark circles tell another story, you know he looks thin and exhausted all the time but acts like it's nothing.

You know it's not nothing.

“Yoongi, I am sorry about-“But before you could finish your sentence he laughs almost in pain.

“It's okay Y/N, it's done, she is gone. She is happy without me and I can't change that.” He says and you feel your heart break at how small he sounds.

“It sucks but it's true.” He says softly, half to you half to himself, still trying to process his grief over the relationship he lost. After an uncomfortable pause, he continues.

“I saw him Y/N,” he points his chin in the direction of the washroom Jungkook was taking a shower in when you look at him confused at the change of topic.

“..and don't think I am taking his side 'cause he is like a brother to me but I say this honestly, he was devastated while he was away from you.” You just stare at him with eyes round and wide not expecting this conversation to go this way.

“He forgot to eat and sleep, just kept asking Jin Hyung and me if we saw you or if any other of guys saw you.” He says while you look at him nervously talking about the topic, picking his nails.

“Do you remember the time you were at the hospital due to your abdominal pain?” You nod at his question feeling your throat tighten up uncomfortably so you divert your gaze down at the plate with little blue flowers printed on the ceramic.

“He ran to the hospital since his car was still parked at your previous address.” Your eyes widen and you whip your head toward the man standing in front of you.

What does he mean he ran?

“What?” You whisper.

“Taehyung had a night shift and he was alone at the apartment. I tried to tell him to wait for me to pick him up when he called to ask if Taehyung left office or not, but he just hung up saying it would take too long.”

“So he ran to you.” You feel your throat tighten as humanly possible, eyes burning.

Wasn’t Taehyung’s house almost double times the way compared to your route connecting your house to the hospital? You can't even comprehend how he felt when you didn't even talk to him that day.

Shouldn’t you feel like he deserved to feel like that? Shouldn't you say that he did that to himself? That was what you should've said right? But your heart thumps harder every second making your eyes spill the tears gathering in them.

You remember Jungkook was really out of breath and was also wearing different slippers that day.

“Since it was pretty late, he couldn't even book a cab quickly..” Yoongi looks at you and notices how your gaze is zeroed onto him and immediately understands your expressions.

“Hey, I am not trying to make you feel bad or something like that, what he did and what you guys decided is totally none of my business but I just wanted to tell you that giving a second chance is not easy and I really wish things work out for your relationship. I really appreciate you both working through so much stress you know? I can see what his vision meant when he wanted to quit last month.”

“What?” You whisper

“No no, he doesn't want to quit now, I mean after what you both decided Namjoon talked to Mr. Park and handled it..” when Yoongi doesn’t see you respond to whatever he said he realizes that you look lost.

“You don't know, do you?”

“Don't know what?” You whisper again, heart racing. Why do you feel you're not gonna like what he is gonna say?

There is a pause, a very uncomfortable pause. He visibly scans your face and inhales sharply as if deciding against or in favor of telling you about the whole situation.

You clench your pajama pants into your fists as your hand rests on your lap. The kitchen felt stuffy all of a sudden. This might seem like an overreaction but your body feels defensive all of a sudden, deciding between running away or ripping the bandaid off.

Deciding on the latter you ask,

“Yoongi, please tell me?” You request softly and at your almost inaudible request, Yoongi sighs, giving up. He shuts his eyes for a second and then looks up smiling sadly at you.

You hold your breath.

“Um, he was promoted to be the next VP of the agency, and uh..” he rubs the back of his neck looking away, avoiding the eye contact with you.

“And he rejected it?” You whisper and Yoongi nods, still not looking at you.

“The job required him to give more time into his job, more hours away from home. From you and her.” He looks at you and then points his chin in your tummy’s direction.

“So when they told him the details about the hours and the business trips, he immediately refused. Since he was the most eligible person for the job, the CEO, Mr Park..” he says,

“Mr. Park.” You say at the same time nodding.

“Yes, Mr. Park tried convincing him saying he’ll adjust according to your due date and whatever changes Kook would want to his schedule but this kid..” Yoongi chuckles shaking his head, “..rejected it, saying if he had to quit the job he would do it but he would not add onto whatever hours he was working.”

“Then suddenly..” Yoongi picks up a tangerine from the fruit bowl and starts peeling it.

“He came up with an idea of actually quitting in order to give more time to you and your child, so when Namjoon said and I quote, ‘Y/N is gonna kill you if you do that, she knows how much you worked for this’ Jungkook said that you both decided mutually that rejecting the promotion was okay and you were okay with whatever he decided about his job. Which…looking at you right now doesn't seem like it.” Yoongi looks at you with a hesitant expression, offering you the peeled fruit.

You feel your ears heat up and not out of good reason, you are actually mad at him. You were hearing all of this for the first time and you can't believe he backed off from the job he got offered after working so hard. The reason he used to work his ass off, extra time, no holidays, always punctual, not caring about his meals and whatnot, and then just fucking backed off?

"When was this?" You say gritting your teeth, eyes glistening with angry tears, eyes still on Yoongi.

You take the piece of fruit from his hand and shove it in your mouth, eyes red with tears in them.

“Y/N..”

“Why didn't he tell me? And wait a minute he said it was a mutual decision?! What the hell?”

“Y/N, he must have had a reason for saying so, he did explain the reasons and it sounded like he gave it a lot of thought. “

“Don’t you mean WE gave it a lot of thought? hah.” You say chuckling bitterly, swallowing the fruit, your hand going through your hair in frustration as you face the direction where your husband showers unaware of the angry volcano on the other side of the bathroom door.

“What the hell is wrong with him?!” You almost scream but lower your voice remembering your parents are asleep, immediately looking around warily and Yoongi does the same, with similar expressions on his face.

“Sorry, I just feel so mad right now.” You say squeezing your eyes shut, speaking through your teeth.

“I guess you should talk to him,” he says looking at you softly.

“You’re damn right I will-“ you say

“But not now, privately, okay?”

You look at him breathing heavily, cheeks wet with tears, his eyes pleading to not lose your calm immediately. You look at his anger and countless emotions swirling in your mind, nose flaring.

“Ah, okay fine.” You say throwing your hands in frustration, coming back to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

The next few minutes Yoongi tried not to talk about anything and you just swirled your spoon in the spoon Yoongi served for you. He constantly made sure you were sipping the soup, giving you water, and peeling another tangerine for you.

He almost sighed in relief when the bathroom door clicked open and Jungkook came out of the washroom. The steam rushed out of the white-tiled space along with a drippy Jungkook and a goddamned towel around his waist.

You feel madder now. Is that even a word? You don't care because that's how you feel. Madder.

Remember when you said how your emotions were on a roll these days? Yea. It was an understatement because the moment you saw your husband with that damned towel hanging low on his hips your anger turned into angry horniness, you wished, only for a second, but wished Yoongi wasn't here so that you could straddle the half-naked guy and ask him about the stupid decision he made.

Although Jungkook had immediately rushed into the room to get some clothes on him it was enough to make your ovaries light up on fire. You're mad and horny, two things that don't go well for you. Especially not in this state.

"Hey guys I am sorry, I had to wash off all that puke stench. Why didn't you guys start eating yet?"

"I don't know maybe you took very long to shower." You snap at your husband and he freezes in his tracks to get the plate.

"Y/N, I was there for only 10 mins."

“I don't know, felt like 10 years." At your tone Jungkook looks at you concerned and then at Yoongi who watches awkwardly, the whole scene unfolding in front of him.

"Guys you know what I think I am gonna head home, I have eaten with Jimin earlier and need sleep."

“No- yoongi eat please-“ you request feeling guilty for making him awkward.

“Yes hyung, please finish your dinner.” Jungkook says, looking at his hyung but then flicking his gaze back at you.

“No no its really okay.” Yoongi says, already walking away from the island.

"Okay, hyung." He says after a second his eyes wandering back to you observing your sour mood. Eyebrows furrowed with thought while you just chewed on the rice mixed with the curry not looking at Jungkook after waving to Yoongi.

Yoongi walks towards the doorway with slow steps, the footsteps echoing along with the tinkled spoon made inside the curry bowl. He grabs the keys and walks towards the two of you, giving you a nod and patting Jungkook’s back.

"Take care Y/N and you too, kook." He stares two seconds longer at the younger male and then nods at him. Jungkook gets up halfway to which Yoongi waves in a signal for Jungkook to not bother seeing him off.

The door clicks shut leaving you and Jungkook in silence.

"Y/N wha-"

"Eat, Jungkook."

At your stern tone, Jungkook flinches and just resumes eating in silence. Silence for almost 10 minutes. 10 slow and irritating minutes. It was like the clock ticked 10 seconds forward and then 40 seconds backward. The silence added to the awkwardness you both felt, making the time more unbearable.

Again, did you mention slow?

All the thoughts come back to your mind, every emotion holding your neck in a chokehold, everything that you’ve felt since the day started comes back. The conversation with your mom about how she asked you if you wanted to move back in with ever, you thought your mom wanted you to leave so you cried. All the emotions you felt then catching up to you.

The thoughts of being alone with him made you happy and cry at the same time in the afternoon while you finished working on the report your seniors asked you to finish before your leave started. You feel all the emotions you felt while rewatching the notebook in the evening before dinner. You feel all the emotions at once, those emotions which you felt when Jungkook called you from his car and, also when he called you from his office to check if you had your medicine.

The emotions of frustration and anger when Yoongi told you about the job offer and how your husband rejected it. The thoughts about something bad happening to your child come back and make your head dizzy. It's too much at the same time. You're happy that he is eating his food in silence because if he did say anything before you finish, you might actually run to the bathroom to vomit all of your emotions.

After minutes of frustration and anger and sadness and silence, you finally got up and almost threw the plate in the sink, Jungkook tried to get your plate but you just brushed past him huffing finally making Jungkook ask you the question you didn't want to hear and hear at the same time.

You wanted to talk to him about the whole thing and didn't at the same time. You were on an emotional rollercoaster, and Jungkook was gonna be the bird that hit the coaster blades, getting hurt.

"Y/N did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, do you do anything right these days Jungkook? I don't think so." You chuckle throwing the glass of water into the sink thankfully not breaking it.

Turning towards your husband, you immediately regret saying what you said because he just looks like a kicked puppy. Big eyes filled with gloss, nose red, and wobbly chin. His features make you feel like the worst human being on this planet.

"Y/N, I am sorry for whatever it is but can you tell me what's wrong?" He whispers looking- no, pleading with his eyes as you stand like a wall in front of him.

"You tell me, did you do anything to make me feel stupid and pathetic recently?" You say pointedly. Venom. Pure venom.

"Baby.."

"Don’t. Don't call me that." You say firmly.

"Shit- I am sorry Y/N please tell me what happened..wait-" You push yourself away from the counter instantly feeling the pain in your lower back.

“Bab- Y/N wait.” He rushes to your side holding one of your hands and one holding your waist, giving you support but somehow his touch stings, in the best way. You hate your mind and heart. You just hate it.

“No, I can walk myself I am not a toddler.” He doesn't let go of your hand even though you tell him to, he helps you walk towards your room. You try to tell him that you can walk alone but he doesn't listen instead he just hums or mutters 'I know' and it infuriates you more.

Why isn’t he saying anything? You’re literally acting like a spoiled kid right now.

Opening the door he walks you inside the room and helps you sit on the bed. As you take heavy breaths placing a hand on your chest you feel how rapidly your heart raced.

Removing the lid of the glass sitting on your nightstand, he helps you sip some of the liquid. You feel tears in your eyes and when he removes the glass from your lips he just smiles sadly at you and wipes the tears from your face with his thumb.

Leaning into his touch you say, "Why are you okay with me being like this to you?"

Okay, that's a dumb question to ask. You were so mad at him but when you look at him you feel like you are treating him like shit for something he doesn't deserve. Of course, he cheated on you, of course, you want to not love him because of that, and of course, your heart aches when you think of the betrayal but can you ever unlove him? Can you ever hurt him knowing you're gonna hurt him and not feel bad? Can you ever just look at him and feel nothing for him? Can you ever not love him?

Your head feels buzzed and when he speaks and your anger explodes.

"I deserve it, baby." You scrunch his t-shirt in your hand and pull him towards you, making him almost fall on you but he regains his balance by placing one of his hands on the comforter. With wide eyes, he just stares at you and the way your eyes brim with fresh tears. He tilts his head as if feeling guilty for the tears but you don't let him say anything.

"Why?" At this he looks at you confused.

The other tattooed hand finds its way on top of your wrist holding his t-shirt and you feel your sanity fly away for a second but at his confused expression, you feel your anger come back.

"Y/N what-" he sputters with big eyes

"Why did you reject the job offer?" you finally say.

Pin. Drop. Silence.

"What?" he breathes out.

"You think you can make that big of a decision by yourself? " you say sniffling.

"How did you-"

"How did I know? How about, why didn't I know?" You raise your voice slightly, and he shuts the door so that your parents don't get their sleep interrupted, tilting slightly towards the entrance, your bed not being that far from the door.

"Y/N I am sorr-" you cut him off mid sentence.

"Sorry? How many things are gonna be okay just because you apologize Jungkook?! It was your dream, you worked so hard for it.." you say feeling tears spill out of your eyes and when he just looks down at your lap with his lips twisted in a straight line guiltily, you can't help but yell at him a bit, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

You didn't realize when your hand shifted from the t-shirt's neckline to his neck. You realize that only when his eyes shut for a second at the feeling of your hands on his face, the other hand coming to sit on top of the comforter on the other side of your body. Holding onto his face you asked him the question with big teary eyes, wet cheeks, and a wobbly chin.

"Tell me, kook?"

Sighing he answers, "Baby, they wanted me to go away."

"Don't lie to me, Jungkook, please. Yoongi told me they were ready to fix the schedule according to you -"

"And you think they were gonna do that for me forever?" He asks.

"Why did you say that I agreed then? Why did you lie? Why didn't you come talk to me? Do you think I wouldn't have understood or that you think it's not important for me to know?"

"Would you have let me quit if I wanted to?" He asked instantly.

You pause. Dammit.

"You see? That's why I didn't tell you. You're already handling so many responsibilities, I didn't wanna worry you more." He says, eyes turning soft.

You look at him. Eyes looking at him trying to find dishonesty, the thing was, Jungkook doesn't lie. Even after he did what he did, he came out to you truthfully. It hurt but you're where you are because he was honest. It's the bare minimum, honesty, but its rare. At least in your experience. But not with Jungkook. He can't lie.

"They were willing to change my schedule for me only until she is born.." he says looking at your tummy and then lifting his eyes to look at you.

"..I can't risk being away from you again. It might sound like I am lying but Y/N, baby, I don't wanna be away from you even for a single second. I wanna prove myself to be worthy of a second chance. I wanna be worthy of you and her. I can’t imagine my life even for a second without you or her. You can push me all you want, you can yell at me all you want but don't tell me that I should've chosen a job and not my family. I know I don’t have an answer for why I did what.." he pauses gulps and continues.

"...I did, I myself don't know why I did it, and trust me if I could turn back the time I would. But baby..." he puts his hand on yours that is resting on his cheek waiting for a second, barely visible, but he waits for some kind of negative reaction to him touching you. When he senses none, he continues,

"...I love you, and I will love you for my whole life, I will love you and my family until I breathe. I am so sorry for fucking things up but I want to fix them, I can fix them, we will fix it. Just don't please.." he squeezes his eyes shut slightly squeezing your hand as well.

"... don't ask me to go away from you. I can't live away from you. I would quit my job if that's what it takes to be with my family, to take care of my family, to take care of you, and to take care of us. Please tell me I can be with you, can you please tell me you don’t want me to go away? Pleas- “

You tell him exactly that, but not verbally because wasn’t it ironic how he feels sorry for not knowing why he did what he did when you don't even think of any second thoughts before you do what you do, without knowing why.

Lips crashing on his, you shut him up with an answer you feel him absorbing inside him. He freezes when you kiss him, his breath stuttering when you move your lips against him. You squeeze his t-shirt in desperate need, and you feel him flutter his eyelids against your cheekbones, your tears mixing with his, and he kisses you back.

Does it last? Does your happiness last? No.

As soon as he moves his lips, you hear him sniffle and break the kiss. His eyes are still red, and his cheeks are slightly wet as well. He sniffles again, but the only sound you can hear is your heartbreaking because he moves away.

Away from the bed. Away from the comforter. Away from the kiss. Away from you.

He gets up and takes a step back, shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. He curses under his breath as if regaining his composure while you just stare at the space where he was sitting earlier.

“I- I am sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't, I can't. I am really sorry, I shouldn't. I just shouldn't. I am sorry.”

And he leaves the room, shutting the door, not completely but leaving it slightly ajar. It's just like he does always. You hear the kitchen tap opening. He probably is doing the dishes. You hear everything from outside the door, but you feel like there's radio silence in your room.

A low beep-like sound ringing in your ears, embarrassment? Hurt? Love? Anger? Betrayal? Pain? Need? Desire? You feel so much at once, and you don't know what to do with it. This is getting so much more fucked and somehow you both find new ways to make this way tougher than anyone can imagine.

After some time, you hear the lights outside click off, and you can't help but wish he came to you. He does, but only to keep a fresh glass of water on the nightstand. He wishes you good night in a whisper, glancing once at your face and then,

...leaves.

Well, shit.

___________________________________________

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[chweverni]

HOW I THINK _ bonedo 'n their love languages ! (pt.2)

pairing; ot6!bonedo x fem!reader synopsis; how would your adorable boyfriend(s) express their love for you? word count; 614 author's note; pt.2 is here!! wooo what are yall's thoughts on a taesan fic involving love potions? i got the idea a while back but idk if the commitment is there lmfaoo

read pt.1 here !

-

KIM DONG HYUN - physical touch/gift giving & receiving !

ESFJs are.. interesting. when they're in love, every little thing their partners do, affect the way they judge their relationship. here, leehan would definitely be the one who's into physical affection a lot. for him, a day without your hugs and kisses, or cuddles right after waking up, is enough for him to jump into conclusions that maybe your day was bad, or that you had a nightmare. he'd do everything, in his favors to make your day better. leaving you in bed, with a forehead kiss, and going out of his way to bring you breakfast in bed is something i definitely think he'll do a lot! the type to be totally into pda because he desperately needs people to know that he has the most prettiest, cutest, sexiest, smartest and loving girlfriend on this entire planet!

think of gifts such as flowers, hand-made cards, CDs or cassettes, rings, things he made in art classes such as little pots, drawings, tickets to concerts or amusement parks, because he loves to spoil his babe a lot and would swim across oceans just to get you the things you like. and this would totally go both ways, too. you would exchange gifts whenever there's a special day you both would like to cherish together.

he'll probably get you hot water bags, chocolates, snacks and warm blankets when you're on your period and would check up on you frequently to make sure you're doing fine. he would give back rubs whenever you're having cramps, while you sleep helplessly on your bed.

"i made you this during pottery classes.. see the flowers here? they're real! i glazed them afterwards.", he'll say proudly, with his adorable eye smile.

you'd kiss him immediately right there and then, which he would return in a heartbeat.

KIM WOONHAK - quality time/physical affection !

another ENFP, who has an unhealthy obsession of being with and around you 24/7 because he just loves you a lot, he can't help it okay? for him, one second without you feels like eternity. you two spend every second together, being literally attached at the hip. the type to send you messages like, "i wish you lived next to me, so that whenever i wake up, i could just stick some notes in my window, wishing you good morning, hoping you'd see them.", knowing that you'd have to literally run out of your house to reach school on time if that happened. he's the one who yaps a lot in the relationship, while all you can do is either listen with full interest, or feed into his interests by asking him more. and if you do both, he'll probably be planning a future with you, far away from the main lands, because he wants you to himself.

the type to give you surprise hugs whenever you're fully focused on something, like reading a book, to see you flinch. he'll probably be into the concept of cheek touching, as a form of greeting you. be prepared for random kisses on your cheek, nose, forehead, lips, hands and knuckles through out the day, because poor baby just cannot get enough! think of teddy bear hugs, and him resting his chin on your shoulder.

he's totally the type to fall asleep in the bus/train ride home after school, leaning to your body or shoulder, while one of your earbuds is still playing faint music, to help him sleep.

"can you come over, baby? pretty please? i promise this is the last time i'm asking you this! i miss you.", even though it probably will continue to happen every single day.

-

that's it! i hope i did them justice as usual <3

thanks for checking in on my blog, love you, bye!

all creds to chweverni only on tumblr !

[megameatymatt]

Sienna - part 2 - Chris Sturniolo - Angst

In which... Chris left you—and what could have been—behind.

part one here

"Ooh, Sienna Would've been cute Ooh, Sienna Would look just like you With a temper like you, run around like you Jumping in the pool, like you Sing to all her pets in the way I did Be sensitive like you"

CW: unresolved angst, grief

A/N: sorry for the lowkey cliffhanger, I just felt like it was getting too long. Also sorry for the lack of dialogue, part 3 will be better I promise🤞 love you guys ok bye!

WC: 626

You sit on your rooftop, knees pulled to your chest. You've been up here for who knows how long. The sun is about to set, its soft glow creeping back under the horizon. For a second it almost feels like before—like the evenings spent next to Chris, your hands intertwined, his laughter loud and goofy as you watched the sun fade away together.

Sienna would have loved evenings like these too. You imagine her small body curled up between the two of you, her sleepy voice mumbling about whatever she'd be obsessing over that day. You would have traced the freckles on her nose, the ones she would've gotten from Chris. She'd stare with her sharp blue eyes full of mischief and warmth. She would have been yours.

But Sienna isn't here. And she never will be.

Neither is Chris, and he hasn't been for a while.

It's his birthday today. The thought weighs on you, a reminder of the day you two would've shared together, a day once filled with joy and laughter. You weren't supposed to be here without him, not on this rooftop, not watching the sun rise and set day after day by yourself, not mourning the family you'll never have.

Your fingers hover over your phone, the weight of the day pressing down on you, but before you even think about it, you dial his number. You don't know what you expect. Maybe you want to hear his voice again, just to feel close to him. Maybe just for a few seconds, you can pretend everything is still okay, maybe just for now.

It rings once. Twice. Three times. You're about to hang up, but then-

"Hello?"

Your breath catches in your throat. The world around you stills. Seconds pass, but in them, everything freezes.

“Y/N?”

Tears slip down your cheeks before you realize they've fallen. You blink but the tears don't stop, They fall harder, faster, and you can't breathe, can't think, can't stop. You squeeze your eyes shut. His name stuck in your throat. "Chris.." It's barely a whisper, but it feels like a prayer. A plea. A beat of silence stretches between you both, heavy and thick. Then a soft sigh from his end. "I'm coming over."

You don't meet him at the door. He finds you where he always does—on the rooftop, curled into yourself like you could fold away the hurt. He doesn't say anything at first, just sits beside you, but the silence isn't comfortable like it once was, instead the tension thick between you both. It suffocates, but you don't move. Neither of you do "Aren't you sweating in that heavy-ass hoodie? my heavy-ass hoodie... we're in the middle of August" You shake your head, not daring to look a him

He speaks once more, "Can we go inside, boring out here." The words hit you harder than you expect. The rooftop, once the place where you shared everything, and planned a whole family, now feels like a distant memory. It stings this shift, this realization that what you once had is no longer important to him. And just like washed-out watercolour, the future you both dreamed of sharing fades further into the background.

she was supposed to be here. She was supposed to be yours. Instead, she only exists in the spaces between you two, in the could-have-been and maybes. In the name you never got to give her. You wonder if he ever thinks about her, if she crosses his mind in the quiet moments. If he ever imagines what it would have been like—the three of you, a family. Or if he's forgotten her the way he's forgetting this, forgetting you.

But you don't say anything, instead, you glance at him with glossy eyes and follow him inside.

A/N: part 3 out probably not tomorrow, or maybe it will be, idk 😁️

credits to @hyuneskkami for the dividers ♡

taglist: @sturnobsessedwh0re, @sophand4n4 @courta13

[willixmsonswife]

blind date/leah williamson

*leah williamson x fem!reader *what happens if you are on a blind date and stood up by the person you were supposed to meet but a beautiful blonde comes to you rescue? *fluff ig? *1.3k words (1.7k with the bonus) .................................

My first blind date. I don't think I've ever been this nervous. Why did Beth even set me up? I didn't need it. I mean, yeah, I'm not dating anyone at the moment and I'm not good at flirting but did she have to make it that obvious and set me up with someone? I never met that girl and Beth didn't even want to tell me her name. How was I supposed to know who she was?

I sighed before I turned around on my bed, almost falling out of it. My hand reached for my phone, which was laying on the nightstand. In my stress, I dialed the first number that came to my mind. "Hello?" I almost threw my phone across the room. That was not my best friend. "Hello? Is someone there?" I had to answer now, right? "Hi. Eh it's y/n. We met like 2 weeks ago, on that event. I was there with Beth and Viv." I mentally facepalmed myself for calling HER out of all people. The women I've had a crush on for a year now, captain of the Lionesses, Leah Williamson. "Oh yeah y/n, I remember. What's up?" Was that my mind making things up or did her tone change when I said my name? It was probably nothing. "Actually I wanted to call Beth. I must've dialed the wrong number sorry for disturbing you." I was about to hang up when I heard her say something. "No no, don't worry you didn't disturb me at all. I was pretty bored actually."

"Oh, okay." My response was followed by an awkward silence. "So what are you up to this evening?" Should I tell her about the blind date? Would she even be bothered to know about it? "I'm actually going on a date."

"Oh you're dating someone? I didn't know that."

"Surprised? Don't you think that people ask me out?" I chuckled as Leah searched for a plausible answer.

"Eh- I- No, I do. It's just-"

"Don't worry, it's just a stupid blind date Beth set me up for. Apparently I'm not capable of finding the 'true love' myself." That made Leah laugh and I couldn't help but join in. Her laugh was really infectious, I had to admit that. "Where does your mysterious date take you, if I'm allowed to know?"

"We're going to the new restaurant in town."

"Oh the Italian one? I only heard good things about it but you'll have to tell me if they're true once you come back."

"I will do that. Alright, I'm gonna have to hang up now. I have to get ready if I wanna be there at 9."

"Well have fun then. It was nice talking to you, maybe we could meet up in the near future?"

"Yeah I would love that. I'll let you know when I'm free. Bye Leah."

"Bye y/n."

That definitely went better than expected but now I really had to get going. I stood up and walked over to my closet. I picked a nice navy blue dress that I hadn't worn in a while and matching high heels. my makeup was done 20 minutes later and my hair only took 15. With enough time to spare, I decided to drive to the restaurant and wait for her there.

.................................

"Hi, I have a reservation at 9 under the name y/l/n."

"Ah yes. Please follow me."

I followed the nice women to our table and sat down. "Would you like to order something to drink while you wait?"

"Yes, just a water please."

And with that she left. I looked around the restaurant and tried to calm my nerves by concentrating on the decoration, the color of the walls, literally anything. I fidgeted with the rings on my fingers while I watched the door carefully as if I could miss her walking in. The waitress came back with my water but I just took one sip before placing it in front of me. The minutes passing felt like hours and I got more and more nervous. Multiple people walked in but they all sat at different tables. Every time I heard the door open, I looked up and hoped that it would be her but it never was. After a while, I looked on my phone and saw that it was already 9:45 pm. She wasn't coming. I felt the entire hope just disappearing with that realization. I got ditched by a person I didn't even know. I did my hair and makeup for nothing. I was excited and stressed for absolutely no reason. Disappointed by how the evening turned out, I leaned down to pick up my purse. That was when I heard a voice. "Sorry that I'm so late. The traffic was awful." I looked up to see the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Wait, I knew those eyes. And that blonde hair. And that voice. "Leah? What the hell are you doing here?" For a second I completely forgot my crush on her and stared at her like she was some alien from outer space. "I'm here to save your night."

"Elaborate please." I leaned back in my chair while she sat down on the one in front of me. "Well your date didn't come, did she?" I shook my head and another wave of disappointment hit me. "Definitely her loss. But anyway, I'm here now. I can't just let you sit at this table, all alone, that would be mean."

"You know when you said 'near future', I thought you meant next week or something but not tonight." She chuckled and I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I wasn't planning this either trust me. But let's see where the night brings us, shall we?"

"Alright, fine with me."

.................................

The evening was simply amazing. Leah and I talked about everything and I felt like I was on cloud nine. The food was delicious and the three hours we spent together felt like 10 minutes. She offered to pay but I didn't accept. Instead I paid for both of our meals. As we made our way out of the restaurant, our hands brushed against each other and little fireworks erupted in my whole body. We walked side by side in a comfortable silence until we reached my car. "So this is it, right?" I turned around and looked straight in Leah's eyes. Big mistake. I could feel my cheeks turning crimson red and Leah trying to hide her cheeky smile was just a confirmation that I was blushing. "I guess so." She took a deep breath. "y/n, I really really liked talking to you and all of this felt so, so-" She searched for the perfect word but I already knew it. "Natural?"

"Exactly. That's why I would love to take you out sometime in the near future. And this time I mean next week and not tomorrow night." A big smile made its way onto my face. "I would love that."

"But how about I make it up to you."

"Make what up to me?"

"You paid, so obviously I'm going to give you something back."

"Leah I really don't want your money, I-"

"Oh don't worry, I wasn't talking about money."

Before I could say something, she leaned towards me and my brain just turned off. I felt her soft lips on mine and I instantly knew that it was going to be favorite feeling of all time. I kissed her back and arms made their way around her neck. We only parted when air became a problem but my arms stayed exactly where they were. As soon as we locked eyes and I couldn't help but notice the sparkle in hers. "That was way better than any amount of money."

"I hope so cause I was planning on doing it again." We both smiled at each other and I was sure that this evening couldn't have been any better.

.................................

Bonus:

"Leah are you sure that they're gonna like me?" I anxiously looked at her and she took my hands in hers. "Princess, they're going to like you just as much as I do. I have no idea how they couldn't." She squeezed my hands reassuringly and I felt a part of the nervousness leaving my body. "Alright if you say so. Then let's go." I put a smile on my face and followed Leah into the locker room. She knocked and several women answered. "Come in!" She turned to me one last time and I just nodded, not sure if I could form actual words right now. She opened the door and we stepped inside. "Hi girls, I already told you that I wanted you to meet someone very special to me. This is y/n. My girlfriend." As soon as those words left her mouth I could feel every pair of eyes on me. "Hi, it's so nice to finally meet you." Beth walked to me and engulfed me into a big hug. "Finally! I thought you'd never show yourself here, god." I laughed and hugged her back. After that, I answered a lot of questions from everyone in the room. I also got into a nice conversation with Jen and Katie. We even agreed to meet each other for lunch the next week. All of the stress that I felt before this meeting was totally unnecessary. Everyone was incredibly welcoming and they were all so nice to talk to!

After an hour or so, Leah and I left. We still had to drive home, make dinner and watch the movie she promised me earlier that day. I intertwined our fingers as we walked to the car and started talking about her teammates nonstop until we got to her car. "You were so right, I shouldn't have worried about this. Your teammates are way nicer than you're always saying."

"Oh just wait until you get to know them a bit better. You're gonna be pranked by Katie, Lia is going to spam you with messages and-"

"I absolutely don't care. I love them."

"Well I only hope that you don't love them more than me." She grinned and I couldn't help but tease her a little bit. "Ah I don't know about that. Let's see, shall we?" I got a playful slap on my shoulder in response. "I'm joking babe. I'll always love you more, more than anyone actually."

"I love you too darling."

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this is my first fic on tumblr so I'd be happy about some opinions :) also, i'm taking requests if you have some

[messedupfan]

Chapter 17

Summary: Wanda looks over her plans for her future after standing up to Vision. You discover something shocking about your friend on a night out. And the kids join you for a special haircut as Wanda collects her prize.

A/n: Hello! I didn't plan on posting this so soon but eh what the hell. Hope y'all don't kill me. Enjoy!

Masterlist | All Stories Taglist | All Chapters

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Wanda stands in the middle of the large empty property that she now owns. She walks around the area as she visualizes a house. She sees the walls and the windows. She thinks about where the kitchen would be and the kitchen table for breakfasts and intimate family meals. Then she walks into a dining room where she’ll host holidays and birthdays. She pretends to climb a beautiful staircase as she envisions the separate rooms for her boys. A couple more rooms, maybe one of them is a guest room and the other is an office space. Then she sees a master bedroom. The image of climbing into bed after a long day has her heart racing as she pictures collapsing into your arms. 

Her phone ringing breaks her away from her fantasy world and back to the land with overgrown grass. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and sighs. “Hello Vision,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “What can I help you with?”

“Mom?” Tommy's voice has Wanda softening her tone almost instantly. 

“Tommy, hi, why are you calling me with your dad's phone? Is everything okay?” She asks as she starts to fill with worry. 

“Dad says he has to go out of town for something… for work! I mean um… I mean he has to go out of town for work. Can you come pick us up?” Wanda sighs when she can hear Vision correcting their son. She doesn't understand the man. He is constantly making a big racket about being in Tommy and Billy’s life but this is the third time in the last couple of months that he has had her pick up the boys halfway through the week. 

“I'll be there soon,” Wanda says in a soft tone. She does her best to not let her frustrations with his father affect her tone. Vision is being harsh enough as it is. “I love you, sweetheart. Let your brother know that I love him too, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Tommy says. “Bye, mom.”

Wanda hangs up the phone. She takes one last glance around the empty land and sighs. One day, she will be able to fulfill her dream. But that is years away. 

“Vision, you can't keep doing this to them,” she says quietly once the boys are in her car. 

“It's my work, Wanda. It's what pays the bills,” he says with a roll of his eyes. 

“Oh I'm very familiar with your work,” Wanda retorts. “Who is she this time? Another TA? No, that pairing has to bore you by now. Besides, you don't need a dating profile in order to date a student.” 

“You've been stalking me?” He asks, he's more intrigued than anything. 

Wanda makes a face, “Gross. No. That would mean I gave a shit about your personal life. I have friends that use dating apps. And you weren't exactly discrete about it on your profile.” 

Vision’s face starts to get red and Wanda knows that she has struck a nerve. Not only did she reveal that she knows he isn't being faithful in his current marriage, she revealed how she found out. She is almost certain that the mention of her friends being involved has painted a mental picture of her having a laugh about him with them. She’d put good money on Vision picturing you as the friend, causing him to grow even more upset. 

“Vis, I don't care what you do in your free time. I care that it affects my kids,” she states firmly. “Either end the affair or give me full custody. Because I will not allow you to keep hurting them with this deadbeat father act you have going on.” She starts to walk towards her car expecting him to slam the door shut but instead, he follows her. 

“Oh you'd love to have me out of the picture, wouldn't you? So that you can live happily ever after with, Y/n! That's it, isn't it?” He shouts behind her. Wanda stops and spins as she lets out a malicious laugh.

“What is with your obsession with Y/n? They have been nothing but kind to our boys when you fail them time and time again. They are always there for the twins when you've abandoned our boys. Y/n has covered for your ass over and over,” she takes steps towards Vision as she defends her friend to him. “They do nothing but try to make you look better to those boys. You should be thanking them instead of threatening them! You have no idea the kind of person they are. And it's not their fault that you are such a sorry excuse for a father. Gosh, your own family finds it difficult to be related to you.” 

Vision shakes his head, “You are a vindictive cunt.” 

“Call me all of the names you want. You can't hurt me anymore,” Wanda glares at her former husband defiantly. She scoffs. “You're a pitiful man. I hope karma gets you one day.” She walks away and doesn't turn back once as he continues to shout profanities at her. She does, however, raise her middle finger at him. 

“Mom, are you okay?” Billy asks from the backseat once Wanda has joined her boys in the car. She turns back and reaches out to hold his hand. She smiles at him and squeezes his hand. 

“Mommy is more than okay,” she says confidently. She doesn't recognize herself at this moment and it's a fantastic feeling. “Are you boys ready to go? You didn't leave behind any important homework or school books right?” 

“Right,” the boys say at the same time. 

“Okay, let's go home then,” she smiles at each of her kids before starting her car and driving away from Vision’s house. When she pulls into the driveway of her current home she can feel the ghost of the person she used to be. The woman that once believed living a life on eggshells was normal. That she was always meant to be careful around her husband. That her children were to be completely obedient and quiet. That woman and that life haunt every corner of the house. They start to hide when the boys laugh loudly at something that happens in the movie they’re watching. But when you stop by to return the tupperware, the ghosts seem to disappear instantly. As if they were never there.

“You know, Y/n,” Wanda starts as she closes the door behind you. “We are friends, you don't need an excuse to see me.”

“Okay, you caught me but we never really got a chance to ourselves last week and I thought since,” you are cut off when the boys come running towards you and wrap their arms around you as they crash into your body. “Oh! Hi guys! What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be with your dad this week?” You keep your tone light, you would hate to ever make them feel unwanted. You hug them back just as tight. 

“Dad had a work thing,” Billy answers with a smile. “What are you doing here? Rachel isn't here.” 

You look at Wanda, not sure how to answer. “That’s right, Rachel is not here. But Y/n had my container and I asked them to bring it back,” Wanda answers for you. “Come on boys, I'm sure Y/n has to get back home and you two need to get ready for bed.” 

“Can you stay and read us a bedtime story?” Tommy asks with wide eyes filled with excitement as he steps back.

“Yeah? Can you?” Billy asks as he jumps back, just as excited. 

You hesitate and that causes the two kids to start begging. “Please? You and mom tell the stories really well together!” You look at Wanda as you reminisce about the couple of times the two of you read bedtime stories for the three kids when you and Rachel were staying here. 

“I thought you said bedtime stories were for babies?” Wanda says as she messes with her son's hair. 

“They are but not when you and Y/n tell them,” Tommy defends. Wanda gives you a look that says ‘I tried,’ and it makes you laugh. 

“Okay boys, go finish getting ready for bed and I'll join your mom for story time,” you agree and the kids cheer as they run up the stairs. 

“Thank you for that. You know, you don't have to stay,” Wanda says as she tests the waters and puts her hand on your bicep. You shrug as your arm warms up from her touch. 

“They think we're good together,” you say with slight innuendo. “Besides, it won't be long before they despise my presence. I'm sure their dad will poison them against me as soon as puberty hits. I have to enjoy their praises while I still can.” You smile at her as you maintain eye contact and stand a little closer to her. 

Wanda bites her lower lip as her eyes travel to your lips. It's been a week and a half since the two of you kissed. You had been by every day since but neither of you have had a moment alone long enough to discuss anything. She had so much that she wanted to tell you that she couldn't. Not when the kids are so close. She would hate it if the kids got excited about something that may or may not happen. “I wish their father thought about the fact that we only have a few precious years left with them before they become moody teenagers. But,” Wanda shrugs. “I guess that's my fault for falling for a selfish man before my frontal lobe developed.” Wanda’s eyes meet yours again as she flashes you a sad smile. 

You reach out and hold her shoulder. You open your mouth to say something but you're interrupted by a loud screech of, “We're ready!” from Tommy and Billy. You laugh. 

“I guess that's our cue,” you say as you drop your hand from her shoulder. 

“You go first, I have to put this away,” she holds up the tupperware and you nod then you climb the stairs and warn the boys that you are on your way. Wanda takes a deep breath as her body craves your touch. It was an innocent touch but it made her mind wander to not so innocent thoughts and she needed a second. She serves herself a cold glass of water and chugs half of it. 

“Mom! Mom! Mom!” She hears you chanting with the boys and hearing you call her that almost makes her spit out her water from laughter. 

“Okay! I'm coming!” She shouts as she gets to the bottom of the staircase. The chants don't stop until she walks through the door. You and the boys clap and cheer as she comes in. Wanda stops for a moment and poses. You start whistling as the boys cheer louder. “Alright, settle down. Settle down. What story are we reading tonight?” 

The boys fall asleep halfway through the story. You were so engrossed in the storytelling that Wanda had to stop you in order for you to notice that they had fallen asleep. You shut the book and the two of you carefully snuck out of the room. You waited for her in the hallway as she shut off the lights and closed the door. 

When the door was shut she turned to face you. The two of you stand there, both wanting to embrace each other. Maybe even share another sober kiss that would intoxicate each of you. Wanda wants to thank you for helping her find her strength. You want to thank her for always being there for you and your daughter. You want to tell her the deep feelings you've developed for her over the months. You want to hold her in your arms and never let go. 

“Can I show you something before you go?” Wanda whispers. 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” you answer, feeling a little awkward. You clear your throat and gesture for her to lead the way. Wanda takes your hand and laces her finger through yours as she guides you to her office. You were a little surprised that she led you here but you were more surprised with yourself that part of you anticipated her taking you to any other room. Especially with her kids here. 

Wanda lets go of you and walks around her desk to shuffle through her files in the drawer. When she finds what she's looking for she looks up at you with a grin. “Close the door and come closer. It's a secret,” she says with a playfulness to her voice. You smile and shut the door to her office before joining her side. “So I have a plot of land,” she starts as she opens the folder. “And I want to build my dream house on it. These are some of the ideas that I have so far.” She shows you printed-out mood boards and detailed sketches along with images and measurements of the land. 

“Wow, I think this is great,” you say as you flip through the pages. You look at her with a curious glance. “What inspired this?” 

Wanda shrugs, “I'm tired of living under someone else's guidelines of what my house is supposed to have or not have. I'm a very overqualified architect, I know what I can and cannot do.” Her confidence makes you smile. “Besides, this is Vision-free land. He's never owned it. He's never lived on it. He's never traumatized me or the kids here. It's a land that is free to have an unlimited amount of good memories and none of them have to be tarnished by him.” Her grin widens and her shoulders relax at the thought. 

“That's wonderful,” you tell her softly. “So, why are you sharing this with me?” 

A blush appears on Wanda's cheeks and your heart picks up speed in anticipation for her answer. “I um, I could use your expertise in building it. Not anytime soon. I still have to get the money to fund the project but, there isn't anyone I'd rather have build it for me than you,” she smiles up at you. 

You lick your lips as you consider kissing her. But you think better of it. Billy or Tommy could walk in at any moment and catch the two of you. It's enough to make you stand up straighter instead of hovering close to her. “I'd be honored to build your dream house for you, Wanda.” 

Wanda rises from her chair and pulls you in for a warm embrace. “Thank you,” she says against your chest. 

“Of course,” you respond quietly as you wrap your arms around her. You close your eyes as you embrace the moment. “I should get going. It's pretty late,” you state without letting her go. Wanda hums in agreement as she also makes no motion to break away. 

Eventually, the two of you do break away and she offers to walk you to your car. You feel giddy as you remember the night of the kiss. Wanda’s mind is thinking about the same thing as she walks with you arm in arm. 

“I don't know if this is weird to mention but we did make a bet on it so I feel as though I kind of have to tell you about this,” you ramble nervously as the two of you get close to the car. “Uh, you win the bet. That volunteer texted me the other day.” Wanda's smile drops and her demeanor shifts a little. 

“Oh? And what did she have to say?” Wanda asks as she starts to feel her positive energy waiver. 

“Nothing worth mentioning,” you say in an attempt to let her know that you're not interested in Nebula as you reach your truck. “Anyway, I'm thinking about getting my haircut on Sunday after I pick up Rachel. Should I give you a call?” You lean against the door as you watch Wanda. She gives you a tight smile and you know that whatever you thought might happen isn't going to. 

“Yeah, I um, I think I have a few ideas ready. Just let me know where to be on Sunday,” she doesn't look at you as she speaks and you want to slap yourself for even mentioning another woman. 

“Okay, I'll make the appointment and text you the details,” you fiddle with your keys awkwardly. “I'll see you on Sunday,” you say as you climb into your truck. Disappointed in yourself. This was not at all how this was supposed to go. It was starting to feel like there are forces out there trying to keep the two of you apart. 

On Friday night, you stare at the message from Nebula as you consider responding while you sit at a booth with Darcy. It's becoming a common occurrence, hanging out with Darcy, Steve, and Bucky. Your coworker is typically the one inviting everyone out. You're surprised that he doesn't invite his girlfriend. In fact, you don't think you've seen Natasha since Wanda's New Years Eve party. And Steve hasn’t talked about Peggy in some time either. But you don't think about it too much. 

“I know that face,” Darcy says as she steals a couple of fries from your plate. 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” you put your phone in your pocket. 

“You have many faces, Y/n. That face is one of regret and frustration,” Darcy continues to steal your fries. You shake your head and look around the bar to avoid looking at your friend. “Come on, lay it on me. Is Wanda seeing someone finally? Did your former child-bride reach out to you?” 

“Daisy wasn't that much younger than me,” you defend as you take a sip from the beer bottle. “Besides, you never got to meet her. You don't get to judge.”

Darcy leans in closer with wide eyes, “She dumped you when your kid was in the hospital! What more do I need to know about her?” You shake your head. Then your eyes widen as they land on Steve and Bucky kissing. Your eyebrows knit together from the shock. “What?” Darcy spins around to search for what you could be seeing. Then she sees them. “Oh, yeah. That,” she turns back to you with a shrug. “I've known about that. Now back to you.” Darcy snaps her fingers in your face and waves until you look back to her. “Hello? What's going on with you?”

“What do you mean you knew about them?” You ask instead. “They both have girlfriends! They're cheaters! I didn't know I was friends with cheaters!”

Darcy sighs and rolls her eyes. “Calm down. The way I understand it, Steve and Peggy broke up sometime after that party at Wanda’s place. And Bucky and Natasha have an understanding. I don't know if it's an open relationship situation or a throuple or what. I don't ask them questions because I don't care. What I do care about is you. So, what's wrong?” 

You shake your head before running your fingers through your hair and sigh. “I fucked up,” you go on to explain the bet you made with Wanda about Nebula. “Then we kissed and before I could get a chance to talk to her about the kiss, I mentioned that she won the bet and she completely pulled away. I haven't been able to get a hold of her since. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just, she likes to win. I thought she'd like to know that she won and she gets to choose my next haircut.” You shrug then shake your head and then rub your face. 

Darcy reaches across the table and holds your wrist as a way to provide some sort of comfort. The two of you sit in silence for a moment. Darcy hasn't gotten to know Wanda enough to be able to explain her behavior. But she's known you for some time now and she knows that sometimes all you need is support. No encouraging words. No solutions to your problems. Just someone's presence. 

Steve and Bucky rejoin the two of you. Steve sits next to you and Bucky sits across the table next to Darcy. “What’d we miss?” Steve asks as he throws his arm around your shoulders. You shrug in response. 

“I'm an idiot,” you mutter. 

“Oh come on, I asked what I missed. Not what I already know,” he teases and with her free hand, Darcy throws some fries at him. “Ow, hey!” She snaps her fingers and points to you and you start to feel a little ridiculous. “Oh, I'm sorry Y/n,” he says once he is paying attention. You shake your head and stand up muttering something about leaving. “Hey, no, come on. It was a bad joke. Stay, Y/n,” he tries to call you back to the table. 

“You're so full of yourself, Steve!” Darcy says before she catches up with you. “Hey, lets-” 

“No, it’s fine. I'm fine. It wasn’t about Steve. He's always like that. I’m just…” you shake your head. “I need to go home.” You tell her calmly. “I won't do anything stupid, I promise.”

Darcy sighs then nods, “Yeah, okay. I'll see you soon. Oh! That reminds me, I will be moving to Germany to join a research team for a year. I leave in three months.” 

“Oh my goodness! Way to bury the lead!” You pull her into a quick hug. “Congratulations! That sounds like an amazing opportunity!” You pull away and admire her for a second. “You are possibly the coolest person I know.” 

Darcy closes her eyes, tilts her head, and smiles. “I know I am,” she says happily. She opens her eyes and pats your arm. “Get out of here. And tell Wanda I said hi.” 

You make a face, “Why would I tell Wanda-” 

“Oh please, you think I actually believe that you're going to your apartment? She is your home. And I better be receiving an invitation to the wedding by the time I come home from Germany.” 

You shake your head as you give her a final hug goodbye. You get in your car and consider driving to Wanda’s house. Her boys are with her so you try to not think about it. But as you're driving, you suddenly realize that you're close to her neighborhood. You sigh as you think about what Darcy said. Wanda is your home. You take the turn into her neighborhood and start to think about what you're going to tell her when you see her. 

As you pull up, you notice the time and frown as you see that the house is dark. You put the car in park and stare at her house. It was pretty late. You shouldn't have expected that she would be awake just because it was a Friday night. You don't even let Rachel stay up past eleven at night. But you know that sometimes Wanda likes to enjoy a glass of wine and catch up on her favorite reality show before going to bed. 

So you take your chances and call her. The phone rings a couple of times before you finally hear her voice. “Hey you,” she is speaking softly. You wonder if her boys are near her. Awake or asleep, there's a reason she is so quiet. 

“Hey, did I wake you?” You ask as you start to regret being here. 

“No, no,” Wanda says, her voice still low. “I’m catching up on my show. But um Billy had a nightmare. He’s sleeping next to me and I'm trying to not wake him.” Your eyes travel up to her window as you see the faint glow of the television through the blinds. “Are you okay? Do you need something?” 

You don’t respond right away. You just think about her. “No, I'm okay. I just,” you sigh. “I never responded to that volunteer. I want you to know that. I’m sorry if I-” 

“Y/n I don’t think now is a good time,” she interrupts. 

“I’m parked in the driveway. If you don't want Billy to hear,” you tell her quickly. You watch the shadows of the curtains move and the blinds open after a couple of minutes. Her silhouette stands in the middle of the window. “I think we have a lot to talk about.” 

Wanda is quiet as she stands still. You hope that she accepts your invitation. “Go home, Y/n. It's late and,” she trails off as she closes the blinds. “We don't have anything to talk about.” Your heart breaks at her words. 

“Wanda please,” you beg, “let's talk about this. Maybe not tonight but soon.” 

“Y/n, I,” her words seem to fail her as she goes quiet. You sit in your truck patiently waiting for her to continue. To say something. Anything. After a while you wonder if she hung up so you lift the phone off of your face and are slightly relieved to see that the call is still going. Then you watch the call end. Your eyes travel to the front door as it opens. 

Wanda walks out and you step out of the truck to meet her halfway but she holds her hands up to stop you. You stay close to the truck. “Wanda, can you explain to me what I did wrong? Because I don't feel like I-” 

Wanda waves her hand to cut you off, “Stop, you didn't do anything wrong. It's me. I'm… I wanted our friendship… I want us to…” she closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I practiced this speech to myself since Wednesday but,” she sighs as she runs her fingers through her hair. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “When we kissed, I did want us to explore the possibility of more between us. Hell, I deleted all of the dating apps I was on and blocked every person I hooked up with that night. I thought I was ready. But I'm not. And it's not because of you. You are great. You're great to me, you're great to my kids, to my entire family actually.” She opens her eyes and you can see the tears building up. “I'm in a better place than I was when we first met but I’m not ready for anything more than your friendship. At least not right now.” 

You cast your eyes down to the ground for a moment to allow your heart to break. You bite your lips to keep from letting the emotions show on your face. Then, when you feel ready, you swallow your feelings and you nod. “Okay, yeah,” you look at her as you try to hide your sadness. “I can do that. I can be your friend. It’s okay, I understand that you still have a lot of healing or whatever to work through. It's okay, Wanda. I lo-” 

“Don't,” Wanda cuts you off and you nod with your mouth shut. “I know that you care about me. A lot. I care about you too. A lot. But I… I don't expect you to wait for me to be ready. No. Let me rephrase,” she steps closer and holds your hands. “Don't wait for me. Don’t put your life on hold for me.” 

You want to argue and fight for her but if this is what she wants then there isn't much else that you can do. You look her in the eye and ask, “Are you sure this is what you want?” Wanda nods. “Okay. I won't um I won't wait and I won't bring this up again. Not until you do. I understand.” 

“Thank you,” she says softly. 

“Will I still see you on Sunday?” You ask as you think about the bet again. “You still have a prize to collect,” you remind her playfully. 

“Yeah, I'll be there,” she flashes you a small smile that drops as fast as it appears. You drop her hand and shove your hand into your pockets. 

“Darcy wanted me to tell you that she said hi. I was hanging out with her before this,” you tell her. 

“That's nice, how is she doing?” Wanda crosses her arms over her chest to keep her body warm as a cool breeze comes by. 

“She's good, she'll be gone for a year. She got a big opportunity in Germany. But she's got three more months of being stuck here,” you inform her conversationally. Trying to move past the emotionally heightened moment. 

“Wow, that sounds fascinating. I'll have to reach out to her. I liked meeting her,” Wanda says. 

“I'm sure she'd love that,” you nod then you look at your watch. “I'll let you go back inside. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-”

“No, I'm glad you did. I'll see you on Sunday,” Wanda kisses your cheek before she walks away. “Goodnight, drive safe,” she shouts over her shoulder as she continues walking to her front door. You climb back into your car and drive to your apartment. 

You allow yourself to cry and feel the heartbreak. You don't drink alcohol to forget it or make it easier. You don't smoke from the pack of cigarettes that you purchased on the way home. You just lie on your bed and clutch a pillow to your chest. 

On Sunday you pick up Rachel from her mom's house and tell her that you lost a bet to Wanda and that she is going to pick out your new haircut. Rachel giggles with excitement. 

“A mullet? Really?” You look at Wanda like she is crazy. “Are you trying to sabotage my dating life?” 

Wanda laughs with a shrug, “It's not my fault your hair is long enough for it. Besides, I hear it's a very popular style for the They/Thems of the world.” You shake your head as she plays with your hair. The hairdresser laughs at the request as well before promising that the style is coming back. You tell him to just get it over with. 

In the end, you don't completely hate it but you still don't feel like it's your style. However, Wanda's boys love it. “Mom, I want my hair like Y/n's! Mom, can we get our haircut too?” 

“Oh, I'm sure that the schedule is busy and we didn't make an appointment for you two,” Wanda tried to tell them.

“Oh we have a couple hours free, I don't mind giving them a cut. The kids want to match their parent,” Clint says. 

“Oh I'm not,” you stutter. 

“We’re just friends,” Wanda corrects. 

Clint nods as he eyes the two of you with a knowing smirk. “So am I cutting the kids' hair or not?” he asks a little loud, drawing the attention of the boys. The twins begin to beg over and over until Wanda caves. They cheer as they each hop into a chair. Clint disappears into the back to collect his wife to cut Billy's hair while he works on Tommy. 

You sit next to your daughter and Wanda sits on the other side of her. “What about you? Do you want to get a haircut?” Wanda asks. 

Rachel shakes her head with a scrunched-up face. “No, I'm okay.” 

“Her hair doesn't grow back fast. It took a while for it to get this long,” you explain. “That's her mom's genetics,” you say lightly as you mess with Rachel's hair. She swats her hand away and goes back to playing games on your phone. 

When the boys are done with their haircuts the group of you decide to grab some ice cream together and enjoy the treats at a nearby park. 

Wanda is messing with your hair as you watch the kids play on the playground. “Why are you suddenly so obsessed with my hair?” You ask with a laugh.

“I don't know, I've never seen a mullet in person. It looks so… touchable. I don't know. I can't explain it,” Wanda replies as she continues to move her fingers through your hair. “Business in the front,” she touches the front of your hair and then moves her hand down to the back, “party in the back!”

You shake your head slightly, “You're insufferable, you know that right?”

“I know,” she says. As much as you are giving off the impression that you don't want her to touch your hair, you're happy that she is. 

“I'm starting to rethink this whole friendship thing,” you grouch with a playfulness to your tone. 

“Whatever, Uncle Jesse,” she pulls her hand out of your hair and holds her phone up. “Say cheese!” You roll your eyes as she takes candid pictures of you. Then she calls her boys over to pose with you. The three of you show off your new haircuts. 

After going to a fast food restaurant for dinner, you and Wanda decide it's best to split from each other so that the kids can get ready for school on Monday. Everyone hugs each other goodbye. 

“Baba?” Rachel asks for your attention as you're driving home. You hum to let her know that she has your attention. “When you do fall in love again. I hope it's with someone like Wanda.”  You don't say anything as you keep your eyes on the road.

Chapter 18

Taglist: @princessprudy @sayah13 @agaymilflover @awkwardmandalorian @bentleywolf29 @thatshyboy1998 @artisannat @thisischaismagic @wqndanat @madamevirgo @likefirenrain @tearsofglitter @feltlikethat @the-writer-arcane @natashasilverfox @karsonromanoff @aloneodi @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous @jovialsublimecomputer @natasha-maximoff @iliketozoneout @doudouneverte @druggedduck @notbornbutforged @when-wolves-howl @lifespectator @justyourwritter69 @wandaromamoff69 @awesomelygayasf @nekoannie-chan @diaryoflife @wuwu96 @wandanats-goodgirl @sincerely-indi @blueredg52 @sisiofthemultifandom @fuzzyuniversityeclipsefriend @arcturusseer @scarlettwidow34 @chasethemoon @raven-ss @canyonyodeler @sokovianbaby @alexawynters @bittysworld @hopeless-romantic17177 @spongebobtentacles @the-ox-fan20

[annievrse]

vodka problems

eren x fem!reader —ᡣ𐭩 fic summary: sasha and connie throw a party, and all the exciting things happen at parties! OR in which you and eren are exes, and it's the first party you both attend after the break-up. w/c: 5k+ warnings: maybe ooc eren (because idk how to write him yet, yikes), angst, alcohol, dissociating, c-word (3 whole times), swearing, anxiety about the future & love, maybe some errors, and a rushed ending because i had no more ideas. a/n: this isn’t how i thought this would go, but it’s how it turned out so, enjoy.

You were going to kill them. Nothing could sway you from doing so. Sasha Braus was about to be your first victim, and Connie Springer your second. The plan was already brewing in your mind: promise them an all-you-can-eat buffet, take the pair to a warehouse, blindfolded, get them into a position where the method of execution could be performed (you hadn’t thought that far ahead yet), and then strike. Quick and easy, and nobody would be surprised; they couldn’t even be convinced to go in the first place because you’d already said this to their faces. 

“Don’t be so dramatic!” Sasha exclaimed, rolling her eyes. You glared at her from your spot on her bed and then at Connie, who sat on the floor against the wall across the room. 

Connie laughed manically. “She’s gone insane!” 

You shook your head, clenching your fists to stop the slight shaking of your hands. “Guys…” 

At the sound of your exasperated tone, Sasha threw a lone throw pillow at Connie’s face, and the pair stopped teasing. 

“Listen,” Sasha started, sauntering toward you. “We can’t just… exclude him from our group get-togethers because you broke up.” 

It was the truth you had accepted a month ago, yet it was like a thousand needles in your stomach when Sasha said it aloud. You nodded, your gaze finding your hands.

“I’m sure he feels the same right now,” Sasha looked over her shoulder at Connie, who shrugged. The former rolled her eyes again and turned back to you. “Or at least, I hope he does. Asshole.” 

“Hey! It’s not like he’s been sleeping around! Eren’s a good guy,” Connie’s face screwed up in an angered expression at the thought that his closest friends were talking wrong about his other friend. “Just because he’s not hung up on this doesn’t make him an asshole!” He stood up, Sasha facing him. 

His last comment made your eyes weary. The one thousand needles tripled. 

“We know that! But-–” Sasha tilted her head in your direction. “Let girls talk shit, okay? It was a bad situation.” 

Connie cringed at the mention of the aftermath of your and Eren’s breakup. “Maybe you’re right.”

“I am right,” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Y/n is allowed to react the way she is because girls can feel emotions without being overdramatic.” 

“What about killing us? You said she was being dramatic.” 

“I mean, threatening to kill your friends is a little…” Sasha glanced at you. “But everything else! I know what you boys have been saying, and it’s not only hurtful to Y/n but to me! And Mikasa! Girls, in general! Just because Eren moved on so quickly doesn’t mean Y/n has to! She has every right to feel the way she does. I was like this for months when Nic and I broke up!”

“That was a different thing, and you got back together.”

“Besides the point!”

“Sasha?” You pipe up, tired of watching your friends argue over you. 

The two twist their heads toward you, forgetting you were there. Sasha’s eyes softened when she saw the dejected look on your face. 

“I’m just gonna go,” You wring your fingers. “I’ll see you tonight, though. Yeah?” 

Connie opened his mouth to say something, but Sasha elbowed him. “Yes, we will be seeing you tonight. Glad you’re coming.” 

You got up from the bed, and Sasha hugged you.

“Bye, Con.”

“Bye,” Connie replied solemnly. 

As you left the room, you heard a smack. “Do you ever know when to shut the fuck up, Springer?” 

You left their shared apartment—where you would return later. 

7:29 pm

Hearing the elevator ding, you turned towards the opening doors; the smell of sweat, alcohol, and weed hit you in the face as you exited. Despite Sasha and Connie’s apartment halfway down the hallway, the music and scents spilled out their front door. 

You held the bottle of Chardonnay you had brought loosely between your fingers, the effects of the other bottle of wine you had downed before coming hitting you straight on: liquid courage and all that. 

You opened the door without knocking and stepped into Sasha and Connie’s apartment. Music made the floor vibrate, which was ignored due to your inebriated and gloomy state. 

“Y/n!” Hands on your shoulders, and the familiar ecstatic energy of your best friend drew you out of your daze. “You’re here!” 

“I’m here!” You laughed bitterly, although the previous unwanted anxiety and feelings towards tonight were already dissipating. 

“Oh jeez, you’re already gone,” Sasha shook her head disapprovingly. “Tch, should’ve kept you here from this morning.” 

You disagreed. “No! See, I wouldn’t have brought us a bottle if I stayed here. This is for nobody else.” 

Sasha’s grin grew wider. “Thank you!”

You lifted the bottle towards her face, giggling. Sasha snatched the bottle out of your hand as soon as it was close enough and uncapped it, all in one motion.

Your jaw dropped at the sight of the now half-empty bottle in her hands. “Sash!” 

She held the bottle out of your reach and grabbed your hand, pulling you into the kitchen. “I think the boys are in Connie’s room, but don’t worry, I won’t take you to them.”

You knew who the boys entailed, and you were beyond grateful. 

“Annie, Ymir, and Historia are in the living room, playing some board game. I don’t know who does that at a party, but they’re having fun…” Then she looked behind you. “Oh! Marco,” Sasha pushed you backwards slightly. “Get Y/n a drink. I gotta pee.” 

You stumbled back into a tall figure, spinning around to meet your friend. “Marco!”

The freckled boy rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. “Y/n! What would you like?”

You pursed your lips in thought. “Make me a mimosa? Mr. Bartender?” 

Marco laughed and reached up to retrieve a glass from the cupboard unit beside you. “Of course, Miss. Any special requests?” 

You eyed the Grey Goose on the counter, not thinking twice about your answer. “Hold the vodka, please.” 

Marco blanched as he poured sparkling wine into a cup. “Oh, yeah, okay. No problem.” 

You folded your lips between your teeth at the awkward air settling between you, and you didn’t think your response through before it slipped out. The music from the living room speakers, paired with the clink of a spoon on glass, was the only sound in the kitchen. 

It was no secret what had happened between you and Eren—the entire friend group had been there to witness it, which was the worst part. A party, a few bottles of vodka, and insecurities from both sides were at play that night. It was a recipe for disaster, and it just so happened that you and Eren were the casualties, along with friendships that were becoming more strained as the weeks passed. It didn’t help that you or Eren were often missing from group gatherings when the other was present, but somehow, Sasha had managed to get you in the same apartment as him for a night. It was either a master plan that could save the group or cause it to dismantle completely, and nobody wanted that. 

“Here you go,” Marco said, pushing the glass across the counter. 

Tears welled in your eyes at his sudden distance. “Thanks, Marc.” 

At the sound of your teary voice, his eyes shot toward you. “Hey, hey,” He reached for you, bringing you into his chest. “I’m sorry. No crying tonight, okay? Nobody hates you, I promise. You are as much a part of this group as he is. You are not allowed to leave.” 

“Who said I was leaving?” You mumbled into his chest, tears dampening his t-shirt. 

“People talk,” He replied, rubbing your back. “And a little Sasha told me you mentioned the group would be better without you.” 

You sniffled and laughed, eyes watery. “Can you blame me? Mikasa hasn’t spoken to me in a month, and Armin only says hello when he has to. I can’t keep putting myself through that. I don’t want to lose more friends over this.”

“If I were a nice person who cared about your well-being, I would tell you to leave us ASAP. But since I’m not, I need you to stay, okay? Who else would I make mimosas for at these ‘parties’?” 

You laughed and pulled away. “Nobody.” 

“Exactly!” Marco exclaimed. “And just you being here tonight tells me you don’t actually want to leave.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“No guessing about it,” Marco stepped back. “You are staying. Now,” He clapped. “Wanna join the losers in the living room for a game of Monopoly?” 

You nodded, sipping your drink. Marco would never know the effect his words had on you. No matter what happened with Eren, you had a place in this group. Sure, Sasha had repeatedly told you the same thing, but hearing it from someone else, who didn’t have to say anything, was special. “I would love to.”

9:02 pm

After Sasha had joined the game and Historia had won Monopoly (thanks to Ymir, who kept slipping her money under the table), the rest of the boys emerged from Connie’s room, bringing the stench of weed along with them. 

“Holy shit! Y/n?” Jean yelled in greeting. The grin on his face was wide, and it caused one to break across your cheeks too. 

“Hi, Jeanie,” You laughed, standing up from the couch. You rounded the table to hug him, ignoring the others. You and Jean had always been close, even before you started dating Eren. Not seeing him because you chose to distance yourself proved more hurtful than beneficial. 

“Haven’t seen you for ages. How are you?” His voice was soft against your ear, and you tightened your arms around him. 

“Been better, but I missed you.” 

“We’re here too, you know,” Connie piped up, rolling his eyes. 

“I saw you this morning, idiot,” You laughed, Jean joining you as you pulled apart. 

You stepped to the right of Jean and scanned the faces of everyone in Connie’s room; Armin, Mikasa, Bertie, Reiner, Eren (sparingly), Connie himself, and—who is she? 

A petite brunette girl stood at Eren’s side. Her features were sharp and tinted pink when you met her eyes. 

You lifted your hand in a lazy wave and turned back to the couch. Your chest tightened at seeing someone you didn’t know hanging out with your group—were they replacing you already? 

Sasha noticed your fidgety hands and grabbed them as you sat next to her. You didn’t look anywhere but at the table. 

The room grew tense and awkward. 

And when nobody spoke, Eren threw his arms up. “I’m getting a beer. Anyone want one?” 

The sound of his voice was cutting. It shredded the weeks of progress you had tried to heal and buried deep into your subconsciousness. You missed his voice. 

Your eyes lifted, and when your gaze landed on him, Eren inhaled sharply. “I’ll have one.” 

Everybody held their breath as you and Eren exchanged words. They never thought they’d see the day, even if it was to be mean to each other. 

Eren’s lip curled. “You sure you don’t want vodka? I heard it’s good for ruining relationships, which you seem great at!”

“Okay! That’s where we end that. Real mature,” Sasha stood abruptly, her hands ripping from yours. “Eren, a word?” 

“Would love one, Sasha,” Eren’’s tone was clipped as he stalked back down the hallway. 

The brunette girl shifted her weight. You watched her stand awkwardly without Eren there. 

You couldn’t move with everyone’s eyes on you. With your muscles frozen, you’re eyes were unblinking as the muffled voices from down the hallway got louder. 

“Y/n, right?” A new voice spoke. You lifted your head and saw the new girl walking hesitantly toward you. “I’m Cate.” 

Your eyes flickered to Jean, who was holding his breath. A small smile replaced your blank stare as you shook the girl’s hand. You couldn’t hate this girl. No matter what happened between you and Eren, she would never be the target of your anger. 

“Nice to meet you.”

Around you, the room started moving normally again. Laughs were heard, and conversation picked back up. After her introduction, Cate scuttered to the kitchen, and you slumped back into the couch. 

“Nice to meet you,” Jean teased, flopping down next to you, lifting his leg to put it over your lap. 

“Shut the fuck up. What was I meant to say?” You snapped, smacking his knee. 

“What you said was fine. Jean’s just being a dick,” Marco said from the other side of you. 

“If anything, Eren’s being a dick,” Jean mumbled. 

You said nothing. And when Jean was going to start speaking again, a pair of legs stopped in front of you. 

The blonde boy looked nervous as he looked down at you. “Hey, Y/n.” 

“Hi, Armin. How are you?” 

He sighed and smiled. “I’m well. How are you?”

You shrugged one shoulder. “You know…” 

Armin nodded and sat on the coffee table in front of you. Your knees hit his as you pouted at him. 

“Armin… why haven’t I seen you in biochem?” You asked, giggling as you said your following sentence. “You didn’t drop out, did you?” 

Armin gaped at your jab and shook his head. “I’m offended at the thought! I had to change classes. It clashed with my other biology class.”

You smiled understandingly. “I guess I was just hurt you didn’t tell me. I know it can be awkward.” 

Armin sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.” 

“I always want to hear from you,” You furrowed your eyebrows. “You’re the only one who listens to my ramblings about everything.” 

Jean and Marco went to object, saying anything about how they’d had heard it all for the past few weeks when Armin laughed. “That’s true. Got anything for me right now?” 

“And that’s when we leave,” Jean stood, motioning for Marco to do the same. “Bye, guys.” 

10:39 pm

To say a majority of the group was intoxicated would be an understatement. 

Ymir and Historia left an hour ago because Historia was on the verge of passing out. Sasha and Eren had gone to different ends of the apartment a while ago after Sasha yelled at him for half an hour. He hadn’t looked in your direction since he came out of the room. 

Eren now sat, with Cate, on the couch, a beer held loosely between his fingers, taking sparse swigs. His eyes were heavy, but his cold facade never wavered. Surrounding him were Bertie, Reiner, Mikasa, Armin, and Annie. They were conversing about the NBA or NFL; you couldn’t remember the topic when you left. 

Conversely, you were perched on the counter in the kitchen as Marco, Jean, Connie, and Sasha competed in a ‘who could make the better drink’, with you as the judge. You were beyond tipsy, everything falling from your lips unfiltered, which was good and bad when tasting their beverages. 

Your face soured as you swallowed. “Fuck, Jean! That’s disgusting!” 

The tall boy cackled, holding his stomach as you tipped the rest of the drink down the sink. “I spent my time on that! You're so ungrateful!” 

The rest of the group laughed at your misfortune, pushing various shaped cups and glasses in your direction for you to try. 

The laughter soon died when Cate walked into the kitchen. She wore a smile on her face and waved when she noticed everyone’s eyes on her. “Hey, guys. What’re you doing?” 

“Best drink competition, wanna play? Y/n’s judging,” Connie asked, his eyes hanging and words slurred. 

“Uh, yes! I’ll make mine now. No peeking!” She laughed, picking up a random cup off the opposite counter. You and the others covered your eyes playfully. 

“Okay, done,” Cate muttered, handing you a black cup. “Tell me what you think.” 

Maybe it was the alcohol playing tricks on you, but when she handed you the cup, the typical mischief you’d encountered in everyone else’s eyes when they gave you their drinks was far less dark and cynical than hers. Cate wore a smirk as Jean did, but it seemed more calculated than his silly one. But your drunk brain was too dismissive to take it to heart. So, you took a sip of her drink. 

And when the sharp tang of vodka hit your tongue, you almost vomited. Your lips parted, and your eyes watered at the taste and what it had caused you weeks ago. 

“Bitch,” You whispered, yet nobody heard. 

The kitchen was silent as Cate stood before you, arms folded over her chest. She leaned closer to you, her mouth next to your ear. “It’s a shame. You’re so pretty but such a cunt. I almost feel bad for the guy. He had to tolerate you for so long. Thanks for letting me have him.” 

And as Cate fell back onto her heels, she sighed, like uttering those words filled her with relief. 

Sasha instantly recognised the look on your face and gasped. Even in her drunken haze, she had perfect aim. Her palm came in contact with Cate’s cheek before the boys could even react, and you took no notice of what had just happened, gaze unfocused and on the floor. 

“Woah!” Connie yelled, placing his glass in the sink to hold back his best friend. 

“Sasha, what?” Jean exclaimed, hooking his arms around Cate’s from behind. 

And Marco was silent. He stood beside you, taking the cup from your hands and sniffing the liquid. He sighed when he recognised the smell. “Fuck.” He whispered. 

“You’re never allowed back into my house! Get out!” Sasha screamed. “Or you’ll finally get to see the crazy bitch you’ve been calling me for a month!” 

The commotion had finally caused a reaction from the group in the living room, who were now flooding the space. The music was quiet, which made the scene more tense.

“What the fuck is going on?” Reiner yelled over the arguing, taking notice of Cate in Jean’s arms and Sasha in Connie's. 

“Let go of me, Connie!” Sasha cried. She now had tears streaming down her face at the same rate as you. 

You were dissociating; Sasha could see it clear as day. Your hands shook, and your eyes were unfocused as you stared at the floor, your body swaying ever so slightly. 

“Please, let me go.” 

Having heard the plea and sadness in Sasha’s voice, Connie released her. The girl stumbled out of his hold and rushed toward you, helping you off the counter with Marco’s assistance. She ushered you back into the living room and down the hallway to her room. 

“Let go of Cate, bro,” Eren snapped, stepping forward to reach her. 

Jean threw his friend a glare. “Okay, bro,” Jean laughed bitterly and let go of the brunette. 

Nobody in the kitchen said a word except for Marco, who had had enough awkward silences tonight. 

“Before you go, Eren, because you tend to do that a lot now, I’d take a good, hard look at who you’re keeping company,” Marco shifted his gaze to Cate, who stood rubbing her arms. 

“Me? You think this is my fault? That girl is insane! No wonder you broke up, Ren,” She looked up at Eren. 

The other boys, Mikasa and Annie, watched anxiously for Eren’s next move. 

11:00 pm

Meanwhile, you were in Sasha’s room sipping on a water bottle she handed you. Despite the short time, you were already starting to sober up, both from the shock of what just happened and the granola bar Sasha had forced down your throat after she locked her bedroom door. 

“God, I hate her. I tried to keep quiet tonight for Eren’s sake, but I can’t, not after that,” Sasha mumbled. “What did she say to you?” 

“Uh,” You bit your bottom lip. “She called me a cunt and thanked me for giving her Eren or something. I don’t know. I zoned out.” 

Sasha let out a noise of frustration. “If I could punch Eren, I would. He has some serious nerve bringing her here when he knew you were coming.” 

“It’s no big deal. I mean, it’s true,” You said tonelessly. “I did some fucked up stuff to him that night.” 

“Firstly, shut up! You’re not a cunt, how are you? You got the courage to come here in the first place, and I’m so proud of you. Just because one girl, who must hate women, said that about you doesn’t mean you are one. It's a reflection of her, not you. And secondly, he said shit too! You’re both in the wrong. Stop taking all the blame.” 

“Thanks, Sash.” 

“You know what I mean. It’s bullshit. I hate that people took sides; I really do. It makes me feel like our group wasn’t as close as I thought.”

You placed your hand in hers. “I’m sorry for fucking up our friend group.”

Sasha sighed. “You didn’t fuck it up,” her eyes were glassy when she looked at you. “I think it was already fucked up.” 

Her statement made you laugh sadly. 

But your laugh was cut short by the sound of the front door slamming. You shared a look with Sasha as you heard footsteps approaching the bedroom door. 

“That’s probably Jean. Bet Eren left,” Sasha mumbled, squeezing your hand before straightening up from her bed. 

And as she opened the door, nothing could prepare you for who was standing there with his fist raised to knock. 

“Oh my god,” Sasha groaned. “Have you finally decided to talk to her? All it took was some girl to insult her for you to want to speak with her?” 

Every muscle in your body was unmoving. It was like someone had poured ice water over your head. If you hadn’t sobered up from the snack and water before, you definitely had now. 

“Sasha, please,” Eren whispered. Even though he towered over Sasha, Eren looked small. He was curled in on himself, shoulders hunched. 

“It’s okay, Sash,” You stated, noticing how Eren’s demeanour changed at your words. He looked almost the same as when you were together, ganging up on your friends to tease them lovingly. 

“Fine,” Sasha said firmly. Then she brought her finger to Eren’s chest. “But if you make her cry, I will strangle you.” 

Eren just nodded, knowing it wasn’t the time to joke around. Sasha side-stepped to let him inside her room before turning around and holding the door handle.

“I will shut this door for privacy only. I don’t want to walk in here later to see you’ve killed each other,” Despite her words, Sasha smiled as she said so. 

“Bye, Sash,” You wave, hyperaware of Eren standing a few feet away. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

And when the door clicked shut, Eren shifted in his spot. You waited for him to speak, but it never came. You guessed his conversation with Sasha earlier in the night had put him in his place.

“Where do you wanna start?” You asked, choosing to help him sort out his thoughts instead of attacking him immediately. 

Eren, seemingly grateful, fidgeted with his hands. “I want to talk about the party first.” 

You nodded, looking away from him. 

“I wanna start by saying we both had too much to drink that night. I should’ve never tried to find you afterwards; I was just so confused and hurt,” Only then did Eren glance in your direction. You met his eyes and shook your head. “I want to hear your side, but could I say my piece first?” 

You nodded, allowing him to continue. 

“Thanks,” He sighed with a crooked smile and shook his head softly to rid it. “Anyway, I, uh—that night went downhill so fast. I know they say that drunk words are sober thoughts, I know. But at that moment, I was so angry. I was angry at myself, you, and everyone else at that damn party because I—I couldn't take the questions, and the expectations, and the responsibilities. And you’re right. I am immature because I couldn’t understand why you made that choice, and I still don’t understand why you did. It just hurt me so deeply that I didn’t know how to accept it. I still don’t!"

"I stumbled around all night with that damn bottle of vodka because I knew you liked it, and when I saw you with the same bottle dancing with Sasha, I snapped. I couldn't believe you were having fun after hurting me so badly," Eren paced the floor. “But I can’t move on from you, sweetheart. I really can’t. And tonight,” He sighed deeply. “I don’t know why I brought her here. I guess I just wanted you to hurt as much as I do. But, if I knew she would act like that toward you, I never would've spoken to her in the first place. I’m sorry for that.” 

Tears brimmed your lash line as you nodded. Eren remained near the door. 

“I—uh, I’m sorry for everything I said too. Yes, you can be immature, but you’re not arrogant or aloof when speaking about serious stuff; you're doing it right now. And I’m sorry for doubting your love for me—in hindsight, it was a shitty thing to say considering…” You trailed off.

Eren stayed silent.

“I literally hung you out to dry in front of everyone, and you're still here trying to make amends with me!" You exclaimed, angry with yourself. "That's like one of the least immature things ever."

You sighed, rubbing your forehead. "That night scared the shit out of me, with all the talk about the future and what we’re going to do when we graduate literally next semester. Eren,” You look up at him. “I don’t have any plan. I’m going to finish my degree, and then what? I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to see my friends once a year because we’re all on different sides of the country, of the world! I want to stay here with the lunatics out there and you.”

The sudden confession made you pause. Eren inhaled sharply, meeting your eyes. You swallowed and continued. “I always wanted to stay with you.” 

Neither of you spoke. As you stared at each other, you noticed small things about Eren’s appearance that hadn’t been there the last time you’d seen him: the flyaways near his face were longer, his usual clean-shaven jaw was lightly stubbled, his black t-shirt was tighter around his arms, and the green in his eyes was darker. 

Eren broke the silence first. “I just want to know why you said no,” He begged. 

You were waiting for this question. Sure, Eren had asked it when you’d first answered his initial question, but now, he deserved an explanation. He hadn’t been angry at your answer, more heartbroken than anything. 

“You say you want to stay with me forever, yet you say no at the first real chance to do that.” 

You blinked, and tears fell down your cheeks. “I know,” Your voice was strained as you wiped at your eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

The bed dipped beside you, and Eren’s thigh pressed against yours. And as you hiccuped, Eren wrapped his arm around your shoulders, letting you lean into him. 

“It’s my biggest regret, saying no to you. I couldn't believe you’d actually want me like that.” 

“Of course, I want you like that. I want you in every way if you’d let me. But until you say the word, I’m not acting on anything you don’t want me to.”

You lifted your head from his chest and turned toward him. His arm fell from your shoulders, and you took his hands in yours. 

“If you asked me again, just know I’d say yes,” You cried. “That night… that night was among the very few when I didn’t believe you were real. There is absolutely no way that someone could love me the way you do. Nobody. I believed I would never be loved like that from a very young age. And it was confusing when you came into my life and told me differently after I'd spent years drilling into my mind that I’d be alone forever.” 

“I was terrified that saying yes meant I was falling for some cruel joke,” Eren’s hand hovered over your cheek before you tilted your face to rest in his hand. “But now that you’re still here, still wanting to marry me after I said all those horrible things to you, I know what you feel is true. You’re true.” 

Eren laughed, eyes watery as he nodded. “That doesn't make sense. But, yeah, I’m real, and my love for you will always be real.” 

"It only took a failed proposal for me to realise what I lost," You cringed, peering over at Eren.

He gave you a pained expression, hand over his chest. "Ouch, at my expense?"

You nodded, dragging your hand over your cheeks. "Unfortunately."

And just like that, the pair of you fell back in sync. Eren wrapped his arms around your shoulders, hugging you close. "I know we still have a lot to talk about, but can we just sit here for now?"

"Yeah," You whispered, circling your arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier in the living room," Eren muttered.

"It's okay. I was ready to say something mean back before Sasha interrupted. So I'll apologise for the intent."

Eren snorted. "I don't think anything you say to me could stop me from loving you."

"Even when I yell at you for leaving dishes in the sink?"

"Especially then," And then you felt him lick your cheek.

"And he's back," You mumble, wiping the side of your face. "I was starting to miss the weird side of you."

"Not my fault."

"Too soon."

You pulled yourself out of his embrace and composed yourself, wiping under your eyes and shaking your arms.

“Let’s start over,” Sticking your hand out, you sighed. “Hi, I’m Y/n.” 

Eren shook his head and clutched your outstretched hand. “Hi, Y/n. I’m Eren. I hope you don’t mind, but I will propose about a month into our inevitable relationship.” 

You smiled at him, tears slipping past your lashes again. “And this time, I’ll say yes, Mr Jaeger.” 

“Hey, I never told you my last name.” 

[gardenschedule]

Paul trying and sometimes failing to be chill about Yoko

Link to masterpost of quote compilations

“I told John on the phone the other day that at the beginning of last year I was annoyed with him. I was jealous because of Yoko, and afraid about the break-up of a great musical partnership.”

1970, Paul to Ray Connolly in the Evening Standard

I’d been able to accept Yoko in the studio, sitting on a blanket in front of my amp. I’d worked hard to come to terms with that. But then when we broke up and everyone was now flailing around, John turned nasty. I don’t really understand why. Maybe because we grew up in Liverpool, where it was always good to get in the first punch of a fight.

The Lyrics: 1956 to the Present

"It just became impossible for me to work with Yoko sitting there watching us," says Paul. "I wanted to write simple things like 'I love you girl' and every time I knew she was listening I felt I had to come out with someone clever and avant garde! "I'm not blaming Yoko -- I'm blaming me. It was no more John's fault for falling in love with Yoko than it was mine for falling in love with Linda. It just meant that we didn't work together anymore. We tried but it didn't work."

Paul McCartney, in his first magazine interview since the split, tells FLIP's Keith Altham... "THE BEATLES ARE FINISHED!"

We didn’t accept Yoko totally, but like I say, how many groups do you know, these days [who would]? I mean, it’s a joke. It’s like Spinal Tap! I mean, it’s Spinal Tap! A joke!

September, 1986 (MPL Communications, London)

And in John’s thing, you know, when as – you obviously know – he was going through a lot of pain when he said a lot of that stuff. And he felt that we were, um, being kind of vindictive towards him and Yoko. In actual fact I just answered a question on an American TV thing – I think we were quite good, looking back on it, and knowing people in life. Many people would’ve just downed tools with a situation like that and just have said: “Look man, she’s not sitting on our amps while we’re making a film.” I mean, that wouldn’t be unheard of. I mean, Sean Penn... do you know what I mean? Most people would just say, “We’re not having this person here. Don’t care how much you love her.”

But we were actually quite supportive. Not supportive enough, you know; it would have been nice to have been really supportive because then we could look back and say, “Weren’t we really terrific?” But looking back on it, I think we were okay. We were never really that mean to them. But I think a lot of the time John suspected meanness where it wasn’t really there.

September, 1986 (MPL Communications, London)

I’ve already mentioned how in September 1969 we were in a meeting and talking about future plans, and John said, ‘Well, I’m not doing it. I’m leaving. Bye.’ In the ensuing moments, he was giggling and saying how this felt really thrilling, like telling someone you’re going to divorce them and then laughing. At the time, obviously, that was wildly hurtful. Talk about a knockout blow. You’re lying on the canvas, and he’s giggling and telling you how good it feels to have just knocked you out. It took a while, but I suppose I eventually got with the programme. This was my best mate from my youth, the collaborator with whom I’d done some of the best work of the twentieth century (he said, modestly). If he fell in love with this woman, what did that have to do with me? Not only did I have to let him do it, but I had to admire him for doing it. That was the position I eventually reached. There was nothing else I could do but be cool with it.

Paul McCartney, on “Get Back”. In The Lyrics (2021).

MANSFIELD: But, you know, [after John showed me the pictures of himself and Yoko nude for the album cover of Two Virgins], I asked Paul about this. And this, to me, is indicative of their relationship, maybe as much as anything I [had] ever heard. I said, “Paul, you know, what do you think about this?” And Paul says, “I don’t know.” He said, “I don’t really agree with John. But I just am going to figure that John’s ahead of me on this, and that someday I’ll understand and I’ll catch up. So, you know, I’m okay.” ROSEN: And what did that reaction tell you about their relationship? MANSFIELD: That it was an extremely deep relationship.

Ken Mansfield (record label executive and Apple Records U.S. manager), interview w/ James Rosen for Fox News. (December 4th-5th, 2007)

John and Yoko had to visit Sir Joseph Lockwood of EMI with the nude photos to ensure that he would allow their use and there wouldn’t be any censorship problems. Although he personally didn’t like the album or photographs, Paul accompanied the two of them to their meeting. Sir Joseph thought that the fans would be outraged and the Beatles’ reputation would be damaged, but Yoko told him: ‘It’s art.’ Lockwood said: ‘Well, I should find some better bodies to put on the cover than your two. They’re not very attractive. Paul McCartney would look better naked than you.”

The Paul McCartney Encyclopedia by Bill Harry. (also... rekt lmao)

So that – I think, in order to kind of say to Yoko, “Look, my life is now yours,” he had to say things like, “The Beatles were bastards, we were total jerks, we never wrote anything good…” Which I think was rubbish, basically. And as I say, you have to realize that some of that time he was on heroin – so he’s not going to be just talking absolutely lucidly all the time, there. Some of the times, he was having other sorts of problems…

1989, Paul

And I think we would all have continued the Beatles, but Yoko came along, John fell wildly in love with her, he needed a big, big change in his life and he got it! He came to live in New York, he kind of threw over all his English [pause] contacts and everything. And, you know, can’t blame him! If that’s what he wants to do in his life! So we had to kind of, fade into the background to allow them to have their relationship. What were we gonna do, ringin’ him up? ‘Hey John, you know, hey, come and see me! Leave Yoko!’ No, that obviously never gonna happen. [pause] See, you had to let him do what he wanted, and he- he did you know… And he enjoyed it.

Paul McCartney on John’s early 70′s attacks as a sign of his feelings towards him. Interviewed by Bob Costa, 1991.

“. . . I mean, I think really what it was, really all that happened was that John fell in love. With Yoko. And so, with such a powerful alliance like that, it was difficult for him to still be seeing me. It was as if I was another girlfriend, almost. Our relationship was a strong relationship. And if he was to start a new relationship, he had to put this other one away. And I understood that. I mean, I couldn’t stand in the way of someone who’d fallen in love. You can’t say, “Who’s this?” You can’t really do that. If I was a girl, maybe I could go out and… But you know I mean in this case I just sort of said, right – I mean, I didn’t say anything, but I could see that was the way it was going to go, and that Yoko would be very sort of powerful for him. So um, we all had to get out the way.”

Paul McCartney, interview with German tv program Exclusiv, April 1985.

PAUL: ‘Cause she’s very much to do with it from John’s angle, that’s the thing, you know. And I – the thing is that I – there’s— Again, like, there’s always only two answers. One is to fight it, and fight her, and try and get The Beatles back to four people without Yoko, and sort of ask her to sit down at the board meetings. Or else, the other thing is to just realize that she’s there, you know. And he’s not gonna sort of – split with her, just for our sakes.

Twickenham, January 13th, 1969

PAUL: Yeah, see, that’s the thing. The only one time we’ve actually done it, she’s agreed. She really is alright. It’s like, it’s the thought of her being there when some of— [faltering] And then you don’t talk to John, so then he doesn’t talk to you, you know. And it’s like, you can screw it up just as much because she’s there, as – as John’s relying on her because she’s there. So that’s the thing. You know, but I mean, like, you’ll notice, if John – if you’re onto a beam with John about something, then he really isn’t, you know, he really won’t let Yoko talk about it. Because he knows when you’re on a beam, and he knows about it, and you’ll – you can talk straighter to him.

Twickenham, January 13th, 1969

‘All new wives don’t like their husband’s old friends or cronies,’ he replies. ‘I don’t think [Yoko] liked Paul. I think Paul was ready to like Yoko. Maybe she saw Paul as a threat. It was a partnership. The partnership should have been John and Yoko, not John and Paul. I am not saying it was a deliberate process, but it was a natural process. John had a new partner: she. Yoko Ono. It was going to be John and Yoko’s songs and not Paul and John’s songs.’

Don Short (newsman), c/o Sandra Shevey, The Other Side of Lennon.(1990)

As the meeting was drawing to a weary close, John, not this day with Yoko, who hadn’t seemed particularly connected with what was going on, said he wanted to play us a tape he and Yoko had made. He got up and put the cassette into the tape machine and stood beside it as we listened. The soft murmuring voices did not at first signal their purpose. It was a man and a woman but hard to hear, the microphone having been at a distance. I wondered if the lack of clarity was the point. Were we even meant to understand what was going on, was it a kind of artwork where we would not be able to put the voices into a context, and was context important? I felt perhaps this was something John and Yoko were examining. But then, after a few minutes, it became clear. John and Yoko were making love, with endearments, giggles, heavy breathing, both real and satirical, and the occasional more direct sounds of pleasure reaching for climax, all recorded by the faraway microphone. But there was something innocent about it too, as though they were engaged in a sweet serious game. John clicked the off button and turned again to look toward the table, his eyebrows quizzical above his round glasses, seemingly genuinely curious about what reaction his little tape would elicit. However often they’d shared small rooms in Hamburg, whatever they knew of each other’s love and sex lives, this tape seemed to have stopped the other three cold. Perhaps it touched a reserve of residual Northern reticence. After a palpable silence, Paul said, “Well, that’s an interesting one.” The others muttered something and the meeting was over. It occured to me as I was walking down the stairs that what we’d heard could have been an expression of 1960s freedom and openness but was it more likely that it was as if a gauntlet had been thrown down? “You need to understand that this is where she and I are now. I don’t want to hold your hand anymore.”

Michael Lindsay-Hogg (filmmaker), Luck and Circumstance: A Coming of Age in Hollywood, New York, and Points Beyond. (2011)

“Paul, in his usual way, tried to be the nice guy and was open-minded about John’s weird choice,” says Brown. “He invited them to stay at [his house in] Cavendish Avenue for a while.” The day after Cynthia’s return, they moved into the second-floor guest bedroom and made themselves at home. “But the problem was that Yoko wasn’t a very warm person—not even able to say thank you in response to anything Paul did for them. And he went miles out of his way to make them feel welcome, being a nice guy. So that didn’t last very long.”

The Beatles – Bob Spitz

PMcC: I always had the impression that Klein had got them to go with him because he was the only one who was ever sympathetic to Yoko. Klein saw the Yoko connection and told Yoko that he would do a lot for her. Give Yoko a lot. And that was basically what John and Yoko wanted, recognition for Yoko. We found her sitting on our amps, and like a football team, an all-male thing, you really don’t like to see a chick in the middle of the team. It’s a disturbing thing, they think it throws them off the game or whatever it was, and these were the reasons that I thought, Well, this is crazy, we’re gonna have Yoko in the group next.

SG: She was giving you advice in the studio?

PMcC: Well, she was definitely turning up. Looking at it now, I feel a bit sorry for her because, if only I had been able to understand what the situation was and think, wait a minute, here’s a girl who’s not had enough attention. I can now not make this into a major crisis and just sort of say, “Sure, what harm is she doing on the amps?” I know they would have really loved me. You know, we didn’t like Yoko at first, and people did call her ugly and stuff, and that must be hard for someone who loves someone and is so passionately in love with them, but I still can’t—I’m still trying to see his point of view. What was the point of all that?

All You Need is Love: The Beatles in Their Own Words by Peter Brown and Steven Gaines (thank you @tavolgisvist!)

Examples of failure to be chill:

PAUL: But it’s just funny to sort of realise that after this is all over, you’ll be off in a black bag somewhere – on the Albert Hall, you know. JOHN: Yes. PAUL: And sort of doing shows and stuff, and you know, digging— JOHN: Yeah, but I— PAUL: —digging that thing of it.

January 25th, 1969 (Apple Studios, London)

Yoko had evidently approached Paul McCartney about appearing in the film, as the Beatles' road manager Mal Evans penned in his diary: "PAUL HAS APPOINTMENT WITH JAPANESE LADY WHO WANTS TO PHOTOGRAPH HIS BOTTOM." Presumably Paul declined, and one must wonder if the same invitation might have been extended to John.

Chip Madinger, Lennonology Volume 1: Strange Days Indeed. (2015) (note: unforgivable rudeness on Paul's part to both Yoko and all of us who would have benefited from him featuring in "Bottoms")

“I was in India meditating about the album, when it suddenly hit me. I wrote Yoko telling her that I planned to have her in the nude on the cover. She was quite surprised, but nowhere near as much as George and Paul. “Paul gave me long lectures about it, and said ‘Is there really any need for this? ‘It took me five months to persuade them.

NEW MUSICAL EXPRESS, JUNE 7, 1969

He wasn’t happy. But the big things that were driving him mad were beyond me. He kept on working and writing, but when John came over, all he could talk about was how much he loved Yoko. That disturbed Paul. In spite of John’s obvious happiness, Paul stifled his jealousy with not-very-cute bursts of racist crap.

Francie Schwartz - Body Count

John & Yoko's perspective:

It’s the same. You can quote Paul, it’s probably in the papers, he said it many times at first he hated Yoko and then he got to like her. But, it’s too late for me. I’m for Yoko. Why should she take that kind of shit from those people? They were writing about her looking miserable in the Let It Be film, but you sit through 60 sessions with the most bigheaded, up-tight people on earth and see what its fuckin’ like and be insulted — just because you love someone — and George, shit, insulted her right to her face in the Apple office at the beginning, just being ‘straight-forward,’ you know that game of ‘I’m going to be up front,’ because this is what we’ve heard and Dylan and a few people said she’d got a lousy name in New York, and you give off bad vibes. That’s what George said to her! And we both sat through it. I didn’t hit him, I don’t know why.

I was always hoping that they would come around. I couldn’t believe it, and they all sat there with their wives, like a fucking jury and judged us and the only thing I did was write that piece (Rolling Stone, April 16th, 1970) about “some of our beast friends” in my usual way — because I was never honest enough, I always had to write in that gobbly-gook — and that’s what they did to us.

Ringo was all right, so was Maureen, but the other two really gave it to us. I’ll never forgive them, I don’t care what fuckin’ shit about Hare Krishna and God and Paul with his “Well, I’ve changed me mind.” I can’t forgive ’em for that, really. Although I can’t help still loving them either.

John Lennon: The Rolling Stone Interview, Part One

JOHN: But I understand how they felt, because if it had been Paul or George and Ringo that had fallen in love with somebody and gotten totally involved, suddenly… It wasn’t like, you know, somebody – George coming in and saying, “I’m going to work with Eric Clapton in a band now, and screw you.” It wasn’t that kind of thing at all. It was just suddenly this involvement.

December 6th, 1980: Andy Peebles talks to John and Yoko

“Lennon stated that “there’s some underlying thing about Yoko in [Get Back]”, saying that McCartney looked at Yoko Ono in the studio every time he sang “Get back to where you once belonged””

David Sheff, All We are Saying: The Last Major Interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono

TRYNKA: ‘The Ballad of John And Yoko’, with Paul playing drums and bass, seemed like Paul’s tribute to you. Was that the case? YOKO: Yeah. I thought that was beautiful. Paul was trying to be diplomatic about the situation, try to make it well... He meant well. There were other instances where he’d do things that were meant well.

Yoko Ono, interview w/ Paul Trynka for MOJO. (May, 2003)

YOKO: Even now, I just read that Paul said, “I understand that he wants to be with her, but why does he have to be with her all the time?” JOHN: Yoko, do you still have to carry that cross? That was years ago. YOKO: No, no, no. He said it recently. I mean, what happened with John is that I sort of went to bed with this guy that I liked and suddenly the next morning I see these three guys standing there with resentful eyes. SHEFF: Do you think that kind of attitude from people was also jealousy? JOHN: It’s a kind of jealousy. People can’t stand people being in love. They absolutely can’t stand it. They want to pull you down in the hole they’re in.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono, interview w/ David Sheff for Playboy. (September, 1980)

‘He wanted me to be part of the group,’ Yoko says. ‘He created the group, so he thought the others should accept that. I didn’t particularly want to be part of them… I couldn’t see how I would fit in, but John was certain I would. He kept saying, ‘They’re very sensitive … Paul is into Stockhausen… They can do your thing…’ He thought the other Beatles would go for it; he was trying to persuade me.’”

Philip Norman’s 2008 biography Lennon

After the initial embarrassment, that how Paul is being very nice to me, he’s nice and a very, str- on the level, straight, sense, like wherever there’s something like happening at the Apple, he explains to me, as if I should know. And also whenever there’s something like they need a light man, or something like that he asks me if I know of anybody, things like that. And like I can see that he’s just now suddenly changing his attitude, like his being, he’s treating me with respect, not because it’s me, but because I belong to John. I hope that’s what it is because that would be nice. And I feel like he’s my younger brother or something like that. I’m sure that if he had been a woman or something, he would have been a great threat, because there’s something definitely very strong with me, John, and Paul.

Revolution Chaos Tape – Yoko Ono, June 4, 1968

"The line [the walrus was Paul] was put in partly because I was feeling guilty because I was with Yoko and I was leaving Paul. It's a very perverse way of saying to Paul: 'here, have this crumb, this illusion, this stroke - because I'm leaving.'" -John

Playboy, 1980

JOHN: And throwing in the line “the Walrus was Paul” just to confuse everybody a bit more. And because I felt slightly guilty because I’d got Yoko, and he’d got nothing, and I was gonna quit. [laughs; bleak] And so I thought ‘Walrus’ has now become [in] meaning, “I am the one.” It didn’t mean that in the song, originally. It just meant I’m the – it could have been I’m the – “I’m The Fox Terrier,” you know. I mean, it’s just a bit of poetry.

August, 1980: John talks to Playboy writer David Sheff about ‘Glass Onion’.

“Still, the real reason that people disliked Yoko was because she ordered them about and sent them on errands in a particularly rude way; she was brought up with servants, and that’s how she treated the staff of Apple. George found it particularly galling that she never gave the Beatles their definite article. He told me, ‘She would say, “Beatles do this” and “Beatles do that”, and we would say, “Uh, it’s the Beatles actually, love.” She’d look at you and say, “Beatles do this.”’ And he laughed and shrugged his shoulders. Whether Yoko was ever aware of the disruption her presence caused to the Beatles’ working practices I don’t know. Some people thought she was so involved in her own work and self-interest that she didn’t notice; others thought that it was a deliberate ploy to separate John off from the others.”

Barry Miles, The Zapple Diaries. (2015)

[mysticbby2009]

we never do say goodbyes Rafe Cameron x Madison Scott part 1 , different air or different us

summary / part 1 / next part

you are standing in front of the family, who have been a second home to you since you were born , the family who took you in when you had a fight with your parents , the family who was their for your ups and downs , now leaving.

It is still not making sense to you. The Camerons can't leave; they can't. Your tears are blinding you from what is going on in front of you, them stuffing their bags in their car while a 14-year-old Sarah can't even look at you because if she sees you crying, she won't be able to stop, Rafe and Lucas acting like everything's fine, but you knew deep down they were breaking too; they just had too big of egos to show that they'll miss each other.

you knew the day the news came out that they're leaving for New York you would have to say goodbyes , you just did. while you're hugging Sarah so tightly that you both can't breathe, or maybe that's because of the tears streaming down both of your faces.

She gets in the car, and now you're face-to-face with the guy you were in love with, Rafe Cameron, your brother's best friend, a guy you knew would not look at you like you look at him. You slowly wrap your hands around him and let out a sigh, "Bye Rafe." Your voice is nothing but a whisper, something only he could hear, "We don't say goodbyes, Mads. I'm going to see you later, okay? One day I'll be back." And at that point, you believe him, not knowing what the future holds as you see their car drive down.

And now you're 18, 4 years since the Camerons left and 2 years since they came back. You got your best friend back, but Rafe, he went to college before they came back along with your brother, and you and Sarah are driving to the airport to pick your dumbass brother up, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss Lucas when suddenly Sarah breaks your train of thought, "You okay, Mads?" You yourself didn't know the answer to this; you were happy and excited, but the thought of him coming back made your stomach churn. The crush died down after spending 4 years away, but it's still Rafe, your first love. You were scared if the feelings crept back and you'd again turn into the child who wanted nothing more than his attention, the child who was shy and secluded, the one who didn't even know what confidence was and break whatever you have worked on since you were 15, the one who made heads turn, the one who bantered like she had been doing this since she was a child, the one who'd flirt with anyone, the one who was happy and comfortable with who she was and how she looked, something that 14-year-old you lacked.

You looked at her with a content look on your face, "I actually think I am," giving her a small smile, and Sarah just looked proud of how you were so confident, so comfortable. She loved you when you were a child, but the Madison she met when she came back to New York is her favorite.

Suddenly you see the face you have only seen on FaceTime for so fucking long, and you don't even care to wait to let him catch his breath as you hug him, "I missed you so, so much." While next to you both Sarah and Rafe were having their brother-sister moment, Lucas just takes a deep breath and says as if longing for this for so much time, "Me too, kid, me too.". And in that moment you couldn't even be mad at him calling you your least favorite nickname.

Next second you're looking at Rafe, who honestly can't believe his eyes. He knew you grew up well; you were beautiful even when you were 14, but now you're so undeniably you, so confident, so sure of yourself, and he just says, "Told you I'd be back," as you hug him, totally being engulfed by how huge he was, "Glad you're back, Rafe.". The minute you pull away, you notice how much he has grown, how tall he is, how his buzzcut is making him look so mature, but he still has the same smug face.

"God, you're tall," you blurt out, looking at his 6'4 body towering over you. He just chuckles and says, "Everything is tall for you, lil Scott." "Haha, very funny. I'm not that short, dude," you reply. "Sure you're not," as he pats your head like you're a child, causing you to scoff. You're going back home while you sit in the passenger seat in your own car because Lucas wasn't even getting in the car if you were driving and preferred walking home than getting himself killed. As you look in the rearview mirror, looking at the guy you never thought would be in the back of your car and seeing him right there like he belongs nowhere but where he is right now.

you break the silence and say, "okay so lets get some food from the wreck, go home let you two losers rest a bit and then go the toppers party" and everyone agreed.

You're in the party with a little black backless top with a denim skirt talking to Lucas. JJ and Kie are talking about how things were when you were 16, remembering the weird alliance between Lucas and JJ for being partners in crime. You look around to see the party, the rustling people, and your playlist playing in the background because Topper knows his music taste is shit, while your eyes find Rafe talking to Topper and Kelce, and you don't even know why, but you can't take your eyes away from him, while suddenly you see the 3 guys make their way towards you, where Topper looks like he just had a great idea, which you know it isn't one "Okay everyone, gather up; we are playing Never Have I Ever. I'm not going to explain the rules." while you groaned cause you always play this at a party specially a topper party, man does not know how to entertain people as you all find your place on the couch, you notice Rafe's eyes on you but you cant let him see how that still breaks you inside.

"Okay, never have I ever. Never have I ever played strip pool," which leads a group of people to take their drinks while you did too, causing Lucas to say, "Hello? What?" And you just brush him off saying, "I'm, like, great at pool, okay? Not a single piece of clothing came off."

Slowly the game continues, causing people to get drunk and sloppy along with the questions, "Okay, never have I ever gone skinny dipping," where you, JJ, Kelce, and Rafe take a drink, and JJ, being drunk, says, "Mads story is crazy; tell them, bro." Lucas just looks at you being what happened to my lil sister when JJ doesn't wait and starts telling the story himself, "mads and this guy when skinny-dipping scandalous i know but that's not the end the guy she's with sees the flashlights and bolts, not even telling her that the police is here and now she's naked getting questioned by the guard and she just starts flirting and booms not in trouble and has the hot security guards number " As everyone is laughing, you feel Rafe's blue eyes on you smirking, "Okay, let's move on from my embarrassing stories to someone else's," and the game moves on.

after a while, you're in the garden talking to a guy from your school when rafe comes up ," lil Scott." you roll your eyes at him smirkingly "hey rafe what's up" and he just looks at you trying to find the girl who he left 4 years ago, "you've changed", "i grew up rafe ,I'm still mads" , "nahh you're maybe mads but you're not the shy girl anymore" you gave him a small smile , "ill take that as a compliment" you say as you move past him not letting him make another comment and he watches you leave , he cant help but chuckle he knew this summer is gonna be different and you were waiting. give me a comment if u want to be in the tag list and Criticism is very welcome , this is the first time I'm writing something and i hope you guys enjoy.

[taegularities]

regarding: colour me in – hellooo, just a small announcement on discontinuation/a general question.

i know life is crazy busy and it's just been 2 days, but i still wanted to ask – are you guys still going to read the cmi chapter i posted? or are we more or less over it? because usually, most readers interact with a post right when it's posted and then things quieten down pretty fast. this time, everything's been quiet from the beginning.

since this chapter did really really badly, with almost no feedback and asks and just little interaction on even previous update posts regarding the fic, i assumed that cmi's relevance has faded. i fear i might be doing smth wrong/that the story has gotten boring (even though i still really love it/them!), and it's been affecting my motivation since last year.

so after months of thinking back and forth and seeing the changes in interaction, i've eventually decided to discontinue colour me in for now. idk whether i'll pick it back up; it depends on how much i feel like writing it and whether ppl will come back for it/ask for it. if not, i'll leave things like this and move on to some fics that i've been super excited to write!

don't get me wrong, i appreciate the 2, 3 ppl still leaving feedback lol and i love love LOVE this story so much. to me, it's the most important thing i've written and it always inhabits parts of my heart and soul. and maybe i'll write bits and pieces when i miss them again (which i def will lol). but life is insane, and i just can't put all my effort and hours into smth to receive close to nothing back. there's just a huge gap and imbalance between my and my readers' efforts. not to mention the amount of ppl who disappear after the drop who hyped up a chapter just shortly before.

buuut yes, there are a couple jk oneshots, and a whole yoongi/jk series i've been dying to write, so that's what i'll do from now on whenever i have the time/motivation. i take tumblr a bit less seriously than i did before, too, bc life has changed a lot since covid – so i'll be a bit slower, hope you understand. maybe i'm also just early af efkdhgkfag and maybe there will be a lot more interaction on this chapter as the week proceeds and i'll change my mind! maybe y'all are just busy :') but since i've been noticing the silence on here quite a lot, i am not too hopeful.

anyways, i still love you guys!!!! i'm sorry if i couldn't deliver the right thing with this series anymore or if you felt like it was lacking/not good/interesting/exciting anymore. i've always tried to get better, not to let my writing deteriorate. if that's the case, i'll try much better in the future!! just be excited for the other stuff that's to come – it's pretty damn cool, if i may say so myself :P phew this is making me sad i could actually shed a tear lOL BUT WE'RE STRONGER THAN THIS. and yeah okay bye, see you 🤍 !!!

[starleska]

Hi! I recently started watching "Teen Titans" (not the new version, but the 2003 one), aaand... now I've got a new hyperfix, or rather, a HUGE hyperfix on Control Freak, I went to tumblr, hoping to find some content with him, but there's so little of it(the exception was your post about headcanons for him and a very nice fanart, published in February), So... I would really like to know if there will be more Control Freak content (like, headcanons or maybe him x reader content)? If not, it's OK, I understand! Have a nice day! Bye!🌸🌸🌸

hey there sweet anon!! i hope you're having a great day 🥰💖 omg Control Freak!!! i haven't thought about him in a hot minute, oh my gosh—i'm so happy that you've fallen head over heels for him, he deserves so much more attention :3c here, i made you a silly little thing:

Control Freak has a special place in my heart, as i loooove nerdy fanboy archetype characters 🫠 my intention has always been to make some more stuff for him!! perhaps fanart, or some more headcanons, maybe even an AMV down the line...but if you've spent any time on my blog recently, you'll see that i'm in the midst of an enormous Mr. Ring-A-Ding | Lux Imperator hyperfixation, which is closely tied to my Doctor Who special interest—and i'm afraid you're going to need a nuclear warhead to separate me from that 😂💖 i try not to promise folks any fandom-related stuff as i have so many interests, often get very very deeply involved with them, and tend to burn myself out quickly making so much 💀 so right now, the plan isn't to make anything, but i'd like to in the future!! i'm sure the fixation will come back round 🙈💖 i hope that's okay!! this gives you a great opportunity—i'd love to see anything you make with him 😉

[skzhocomments]

Dear Diary, - Kim Seungmin Fanfic - Chapter 6

General Masterlist

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 5 | Chapter 7

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Chapter 6

Chapter word count: ~4.1k words

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27th of December Dear Diary, I’ve been so excited to write and tell you how my life’s been lately! It’s been nothing short of chaotic, really, but also so much fun! So, first of all, Changbin and I will hit the 3rd month mark tomorrow! Can you believe that?? Ughhh, he’s so adorably sweet. Please tell me we married him in the future! Okay, moving on before I get too delusional! There’s so much stuff I still want to say. Do you remember that we joined the photography club? Yeah, well, guess what your girlie got for Christmas from her parents! YES! A FREAKING CAMERA!!! I’m so fucking excited, you have no idea. Although Seungmin hasn’t said anything so far about giving him back his camera, I don’t want to push it. I promised him I’m gonna buy one as soon as possible and give his back, so that’s what I’ll do the moment I go back to Uni. Which reminds me… I’m screwed. I go back after New Years’, and then not even one week later, we’re gonna start our exams. I have 6 of them and am woefully unprepared. Shit, what if I fail? I’m really stressed. And I also need to get a job. Even though my parents send me money every month, it’s barely enough, and I feel really bad about having to ask them for more to buy a new book or whatever. I saw that a café close to Uni is hiring students to work part-time and I called them up last week, and my interview is the day after I return. I’m really excited to start, but also anxious. Anyways, I gotta go help in the bakery, so I’ll come write more later. Bye~ Phoebe

“You got a job?!” Yuna gasps when she sees me take out my new work shirt.

“Yes! At that new café around the corner! Come see me and I’ll treat you to something.”

“That sounds like so much fun! Wow, should I get hired too? We should work together!”

“You’re sweet.” I laugh at her intensity. She can be quite the character, and although I don’t actually know much about her family’s situation, it’s clear that she has a lot of money to spare, so she doesn’t technically need a job.

Still, getting a job just for the fun of it is exactly the type of thing Yuna would do. Just as the reason why she came to this university and decided to live in the dorms – she wanted to go through the experience of being a student.

“Are you gonna make cute drinks and latte art?”

“I think so! I have training this week, and I assume it’s to learn how to use their equipment and stuff.”

“Man, I should really get a job.” She contemplates as she places her hands between her palms.

“Hey, posture, remember? Sit straight.”

“Ugh, you’re just like Jeongin!” She complains and falls on the bed, hiding her face between her pillows.

“He asked me to take care of you when he’s not here, so what am I supposed to do, Yuyu?”

“But Bibi, I’m an adult too!”

“So what?” I chuckle. “Even adults need someone else to take care of them. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right.” She sighs. “Who’s taking care of you, though?”

“Of me?”

“Yeah. Is Changbin treating you nicely?”

“Oh, yeah, he is.” I reply, my voice faltering slightly towards the end. This goes unnoticed by Yuna, and I don’t ponder on it too much either. I can’t understand why I’m hesitating either.

Changbin is great. He’s treating me right… so why do I feel so… uneasy?

“Really?” She sits up again, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Tell me all the spicy details, girl!”

“What details?” I chuckle, embarrassed.

“Is he big?”

“Yuna!”

“What?! I’m curious!”

“You shouldn’t be curious about your boyfriend’s friends’ dick sizes!”

“Why not? It’s only natural to want to know!” She whisper-shouts.

“I think it’s anything but natural to want to know. For instance, I’m not really interested in Jeongin’s dick size.” I point out with a laugh.

“Well, maybe not… what about Seungmin? Don’t you think he’s packing?”

“What?” I ask, baffled. “How did we even get to this conversation?”

“I’m just saying! It’s normal to be curious, it’s not like you’d cheat on your boyfriend or anything like that, but you can’t seriously tell me they aren’t talking about our boob sizes or stuff like that! You know, boy talk!”

“Yuna, that’s disgusting. I don’t want to think about anyone talking about my boob size. Is that really a thing?”

“I’m pretty sure it is.” She nods, her gaze grave.

“Damn, they are?” I sit down next to her, grimace on my face. “My boobs are not that big, though.”

“Yeah. Mine neither. What should we do, Bibi? Should we get boob jobs together? That way we’d have cute matching boobs.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” I stand up, shaking my head and bursting out laughing.

She follows soon after.

“Yeah, right. As if we’d ever change anything about ourselves for a man.” She smiles and throws herself against me, pulling me back on the bed as we continue laughing harder. “However, if you do want to get a boob job for yourself, I’d support you. Although I think your tits are pretty the way they are.”

“This is really weird.” I conclude and we eventually stop laughing.

“Bibi, you’re the best friend ever. I really like talking to you. Can’t you skip work and spend some time with me?”

“No, Yuyu. I haven’t even started, and if I don’t leave in the next 5 minutes, I’ll probably not have any job to get back to. I also enjoy spending time with you, though.” I smile apologetically and pat her head.

“Do you wanna hang out after work? I’m meeting Jeongin for a movie later tonight at his place.”

“I don’t wanna intrude in your alone time.”

“You won’t! I’ll tell him to invite more of his friends and we can do a big get-together! You can also ask Changbin to come.”

“Hmm. You sure?”

“Yes, silly! I’m sure!”

“Okay, that sounds fun enough.” I smile and stand up for real this time, putting on my shoes and grabbing my backpack to leave.

~

My training lasts for 4 hours, and when I’m done, I open my messages to check if Changbin texted me back.

I am bummed out to see that he promised some friends he’d go with them to the gym to help them train, and can’t cancel last minute, so I send him back a sad emoji and call Yuna, who picks up after one ring.

“Bibi! You done?”

“Yeah, just finished.”

“How was it? You have to tell me everything!”

“I’ve learned how to make a heart in coffee.” I chuckle at Yuna’s excitement.

“Really?! You gotta show me!”

“It doesn’t look that good yet.”

“Who cares?! It’s still cool as fuck!”

“Okay. I’ll show you. Now, where do I need to come?”

“Oh, right! I’ll send you the address. Let me quickly call Seungmin, he’s not here yet either and maybe he can come pick you up!”

“No need! I don’t want to disturb him. Just send me the address and I’m gonna get there soon.”

“Bibi, we’re friends, you’re not disturbing anyone. Now hold~” She speaks quickly, and not even one second later there’s elevator music on the other line.

It takes Yuna 2 full minutes to reconnect our call.

“Mission accomplished! Seungmin will be there in 5!”

“Okay.” I chuckle again. “See you soon!”

“Love youuu~”

I end the call and put the phone back in my bag, looking fondly at my uniform. The day’s been fun already, and I’m really glad that I’ll get to spend some time with my friends.

Things are really looking up.

Seungmin pulls up next to me in less than 5 minutes, and I open the car’s door cheerfully.

“Hey!” I smile brightly as I enter the car, but he just nods.

His demeanour is… glum, and the silence in the car is deafening.

“How was your day?” I ask, trying to start up a conversation and smile, but Seungmin doesn’t even look at me.

“Good.”

“That’s great. What did you do?”

“Not much.”

“Really? That’s unusual, you’re usually so busy!” I try to keep it going, but he’s making it near impossible.

“Mhm.”

“So… who did Yuna invite?”

“I don’t know, Phoebe. Can’t you be patient until we get there and see for yourself?” He looks at me for the first time, and his tone is slightly exasperated.

“Sorry.” I turn away and look out the window, feeling my chest get a bit heavy.

Seungmin and I don’t say anything for the rest of the ride, and the 15 minutes until Jeongin’s apartment are spent in an uncomfortable, tense silence.

~

The apartment is spacious and modernly furnished, the natural colour palette making the place appear elegant and rich. The hallway is large, and there’s multiple closed doors I can see from the front door.

To the right is the living room that leads up to the rest of the house; it’s large, in natural colours, and has a big sofa in the middle right in front of a cinema-like TV.

“Bibi!” Yuna exclaims and jumps on me as soon as I enter the apartment. “I missed you sooo much!”

“You’ve seen me 6 hours ago.” I remind her while taking off my shoes.

“Come fast, you gotta show me everything you’ve learned at work today!”

“Now?” I laugh. “How?”

“I’m sure Jeongin has a coffee machine in his kitchen.” She grins and drags me after her to the kitchen, which might be just as large as the living room. I try to contain my surprise and simply follow Yuna, who leads me towards a brand-new coffee machine, even bigger than the one we have at work.

And we are a coffee shop.

“See? I told you there’d be one. Now, how does it work?” Yuna point towards the machine and waits for me to figure it out, and thankfully, the buttons on this one are similar enough to the ones on the machine from my place of work, and I manage to get it going.

A few minutes later, Yuna hands me fresh milk that I pour into a cup before I steam it, and I try my hardest to make coffee art.

“That heart looks like a butt.” Hyunjin, one of Jeongin’s friends that has been closely observing me and Yuna, remarks, and I throw him a nasty glance. He quickly backs off with a laugh, then asks everyone else to come in the kitchen and guess what they’re looking at.

“That’s certainly a heart, come on, Hyunjin, don’t be mean.” Chan pats Hyunjin’s back a few times to scold him.

“Well,” Jeongin grimaces, “I’m not so sure… if you turn it like this,” he starts, turning the cup around, “it’s definitely a-”

“Peach.” Lee Know, another of their friends, says with resolve.

“Come on, guys!” I whine. “This is unfair. It’s a heart! It looks like heart, right? Right???”

I look around to everyone in the kitchen, but Seungmin is nowhere to be seen. My heart drops a second time, and I get the feeling that something is deeply wrong with him to act so distant.

After our debate is over and Yuna tries my coffee that she fortunately likes, we all head back to the living room with multiple snacks and drinks in our hands, preparing for the movie.

“Whose turn is it this time?” Chan picks up the remote and browses through films.

“Mine!” Yuna exclaims happily and raises a hand.

“Noooo. She’s gonna pick romance again.” Lee Know whines, and Yuna rolls her eyes.

“Maybe we should let Phoebe pick since it’s the first time she joins us.” Jeongin suggests, before Yuna tuts at him and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“Nah, don’t worry about me. I’m happy with whatever you guys decide. Yuna should pick.”

“See, Jeongin? That’s how you should act.” She rolls her eyes again, ignoring her boyfriend’s apologetic glances as she snatches the remote from Chan’s hands and settles in the centre of the sofa.

Chan makes enough space for Jeongin, who quickly plops down next to her and puts his arm around her shoulders. Hyunjin goes to sit next to Chan, seemingly running away as far as possible from Lee Know, who’s already sat down at the other end of the sofa, to Seungmin’s left.

The only place for me to squeeze into is either to Lee Know’s side, or between Yuna and Seungmin, although there isn’t much space on the sofa. Still, Yuna pats down the spot next to her and I finally decide to sit down as well, and she clicks on a movie.

Lee Know was right; it’s romance.

~

I don’t know what I was expecting out of this movie night, but it was certainly not how vocal everyone is. They talk over the film a lot, sometimes even pausing it in order to discuss several elements of what’s going on on-screen.

The discussions are mostly unbiased and objective, but at one point during the film, while the characters are expressing their undying love for each other, Seungmin suddenly scoffs and lets out a silent “Yeah, as if.”

No one hears him but me, and my heart sinks down in my chest for the third time this day, because I now get a glimpse of what might’ve possibly happened.

I contemplate for a few seconds and look at his side profile, but nothing on his face betrays the heartbreaking words he just muttered. Still, leaving it like this, pretending like I didn’t hear and going about my night simply doesn’t sit right with me, so I cross my arms and touch him with my right hand.

I fully expect him to shake my hand away from his arm, or to move away, but he doesn’t.

He lets my hand rest on top of his arm, and my hold on him tightens.

A few minutes pass, and I feel his hand rest on top of mine. We don’t exchange any looks; we don’t say anything. Our eyes stay glued to the TV while our hands hold each other in solidarity.

I’m here for you, my hand speaks.

Thank you, his replies.

~

“I’m sooo tired! Can’t believe it’s already 12!” Yuna yawns on the sofa as the rest of the guys pick up the empty cans and bags of popcorn.

“Yeah, do you guys wanna stay over?” Jeongin asks, still plopped down next to Yuna.

“Nah, I’m good. I live close anyway.” Chan smiles politely.

The other people also refuse the offer, so I pull my phone out and open an app to call a taxi. No buses run at this hour anymore, so I have no other choice unless I want to walk 40 minutes through the dark.

“Seungmin, are you going to the dorms? Will you drop Bibi off?” Yuna asks brightly, unaware of the inner turmoil in Seungmin’s soul. He looks at her for a few seconds without saying anything, and I start feeling weird.

What if he wants to go somewhere else and not the dorms? I don’t want to disturb him.

I see Seungmin open his mouth to reply, and I immediately cut him off, knowing he’d refuse anyway.

“No, no, it’s fine!” I say quickly, waving my hands around. “I’ll just take a taxi. No worries.”

“It’s okay.” Seungmin nods. “I’m going to the dorms anyway. It’s the same building. Let’s go.”

He doesn’t wait for me to reply, going directly to the front door to put his shoes on, so I follow him unsure, like a lost puppy.

“Are you sure?” I whisper when I’m next to him, and instead of replying, he grabs my shoes and places them in front of me.

I get the hint, so I bend down to put them on, tying messy bows that surely aren’t going to hold on each one.

We thank Jeongin for having us and say goodbye to everyone else, then make our way to Seungmin’s car outside, and just as when we came here, neither of us says anything.

The drive to the dorms takes a bit longer than during the day, despite the empty streets, and soft tunes are playing from Seungmin’s phone connected to the Bluetooth.

Once we reach the dorms, we get out of the car and walk together towards our building, and after the first few steps, I notice that one of my shoelaces has come undone.

I don’t say anything and simply bend down to tie it, letting Seungmin go, as I’m sure I’ll catch up in just a second.

However, to my surprise, I see him bend down as well, and he grabs the shoelaces from my fingers and ties my shoes instead.

“There’s no need-”

“You’re tying them wrong, that’s why they’re getting undone.”

“I’m not tying them wrong!” I protest, crossing my arms in front of my chest, which unbalances me, and I fall on my bum.

“Be careful.” Seungmin chuckles and helps me stand back up, and I immediately burst into a fit of laughter.

“This is so embarrassing.” I mutter under my breath and clean off my clothes of any dust on the ground. “Thanks.”

We resume walking and get in the building, and Seungmin comes with me to my door.

We smile at each other briefly as I start rummaging through my pockets for the keys, but the heaviness in my heart is ever-present. I feel like I shouldn’t leave Seungmin’s side just yet.

Maybe he needs a friend to talk, someone to simply listen to him.

When you’re heartbroken, the last think you need is to be by yourself; all alone with your thoughts.

Seungmin turns around to leave and I instinctively grab his hand, making him look back at me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly, removing my hand from his.

He just shakes his head.

“Then…” I start again, rummaging through my head for every possible excuse to give him, just so he doesn’t leave on his own. “… I took a few pictures with my new camera the other day… and I was really hoping you’d give me some feedback on them. And I also have to give you back yours.”

I look at him expectantly, and he lets out a quiet sigh.

“Phoebe, I know what you’re trying to do, but-”

“I’m not trying to do anything.” I reply with urgency. “I’m serious. It’s just a couple of photos. Promise. Come in?”

Seungmin looks at me for a few more seconds, then lets out another sigh.

“… Okay.” He agrees eventually, and I triumphally open the door and invite him inside.

I turn on a lamp with a warm light and glance around the room, and I almost face-palm myself.

“Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess.” I laugh when I see Yuna’s clothes scattered everywhere on her bed. “Let me quickly put these away.”

“It’s Yuna’s bed, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, how did you guess?”

“Only Yuna could pull off that bright pink.” He chuckles as I fold her clothes and put them away in her closet.

“Right? She’s literally Barbie.”

“She is. Both she and Jeongin are such fashion freaks, I’d never wear half of the things they do.”

“I also don’t think I’d wear such daring colours.” I hold out one of Yuna’s bright pink skirts and put it on top of my black trousers, glancing in the mirror with a focused look.

“That pink doesn’t suit you.” Seungmin remarks, and I frown slightly as I put the skirt back.

I’m not exactly sure why his words hurt me, but they sting slightly.

“The lilac you wore last time suits you very well, though.” Seungmin must’ve noticed the change in my expression, as he quickly adds this last bit, and I roll my eyes and chuckle.

“Kiss-ass.”

“Who, me?!” He scoffs, sitting down on the now-empty bed. “I’ll let it go for now, so let’s see those photos.”

“Sure, sure.” I laugh and grab my camera, giving it to him, and then sit down on a chair opposite from him.

I inspect how he treats it, how gently he touches the buttons, as if the whole thing is made of glass, and I come to appreciate him even more for the carefulness he always shows towards objects – and even towards the people he holds dear.

“These are pretty good.” He nods. “You need to improve the lightning though.”

“Yeah, I can’t figure out the right settings for it.”

With no warning, Seungmin presses the camera against his eyes, and I see him quickly press a lot of buttons.

I stare confused at him and don’t move at all, when he snaps a picture of me.

He then hands me the camera and I open the picture he snapped, and of course, the lighting in it is perfect, the warm tones and the dim light skilfully captured through the lens.

“See? Your turn.” Seungmin smirks smugly, and I do the same.

However, the settings are all wrong, since the light now comes from a different angle, and it takes me a lot longer to go through all the settings he’s previously changed in just a matter of seconds.

After a full few minutes, I snap a picture, and not only is the light completely off, but it also came out blurry, and unfocused, which immediately makes me pout.

“Let me see.” He raises his hand in the air, waiting for me to give him the camera, but I just shake my head and try again.

The second attempt is a bit better, but the lightning still doesn’t look as it should.

I shake my head again and change the setting once more, taking a third picture.

“Bee.” Seungmin says, pulling me out of my trance. “Let me see.”

“It’s all wrong, Minnie.” I complain, and for some dumb reason, I feel my eyes water up.

This is so stupid. It’s just a picture.

Maybe I’m tired, and that’s why I’m getting so emotional.

I hand him my camera and rub my eyes a little, trying to control my breathing and calm myself down.

“This last one is pretty good.” He compliments.

“You’re just saying that to be nice.”

“When have I ever said anything to be nice?” He scoffs and we both start chuckling.

“I just don’t get why I’m so bad at it.”

“You’ve started this, what, two months ago?”

“Three. And I don’t mean just photography. It’s everything. Our exams are coming up and I don’t know shit.”

“We’re gonna study together for the exams, and you’re also gonna get better at photography, Bee. I’ve been doing it for years now. Of course I’m able to change the settings a bit better. That doesn’t mean yours are bad, though. You can still change them up in Photoshop and colour correct them anyway.”

I listen to him and nod absent-mindedly.

“Okay, maybe except for the first one-”

“Minnie!” I whine, and he starts laughing at me.

I see him continuing to browse through the other pictures again, and all of a sudden, he drops a bomb on me.

“Ria and I broke up today.”

He doesn’t even raise his eyes from the camera as he says this, and the smile on his face doesn’t falter, but it looks all bitter.

“Seungmin…” I stand up and sit down next to him on the bed, rubbing his back slowly. “Why?”

“She… she left, you know?” He shuts down the camera and puts the lens protection back on, then sets it on the desk. “And each time she came back, she was a different person.”

I don’t say anything as I’m waiting for him to continue on his own.

“We were supposed to spend New Years together, but she dipped last minute, saying she’s been invited to a party by her new friends in the new city. I told her it’s fine.”

“It’s not.”

“Yeah… it wasn’t. It didn’t feel fine. But what was I supposed to do?”

“And then…?”

“And then she came back today, and she was cheerful, and happy, and she told me she doesn’t love me anymore, and we broke up.”

My heart plummets down once more, and I feel it bleed. I don’t even want to imagine how he is feeling. Despite not knowing anything about his girlfriend – or his ex, I suppose – it’s clear he loved her a lot, and that he still does.

“I just don’t get how feelings can change so quickly, you know? We were happy for years, and then all of a sudden, she wants to go away and rediscover herself away from me, and then she’s this completely different person. She left as the Ria we all knew and then came back as a stranger.”

“I’m so sorry, Seungmin.” I frown and stop rubbing his back. Instead, I engulf him in a hug and hold him tight. “I’m here for you. We all are.”

“I know… I just… it doesn’t make any sense.”

“It really doesn’t.”

“I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you.”

“Don’t even start.” I hug him tighter. “We’re friends. That’s what friends are for.”

“I suppose.”

We continue chatting for a bit more, and Seungmin’s complexion looks a bit better when we decide to call it a night and head to sleep.

My heart also feels lighter, as if all the anxiety melted away when both of us opened up about our thoughts and insecurities.

And we also planned a few studying sessions, so I can hopefully pass all my exams, even if I’m getting more unsure about my major each time I open my notebooks.

And at our next studying session, I should really give him back his camera.

~

Chapter 5 | Chapter 7

[anantaru]

hi!

thank you for the amazing kinktober so far, you're so consistent it's amazing! i know a lot of writers struggle during kinktober as maybe they run out of motivation or time but you've been doing really well! keep it up 💗

you have great talent and super detailed writing, which i love. however, there's some things i would like for you to think about in your future writing. this is purely constructive feedback as both a writer and a reader myself!

during many of your kinktober one shots, i felt difficulty keeping up with what i was reading due to the language you are using. i understand if english isn't your first language and it's not even about grammar or anything like that, i just find a lot of your sentences confusing.

my confusion mainly comes from the incredibly long sentences and punctuation in odd spots – let's take the wrio & neuvilette threesome as an example. the first paragraph is just one sentence. this makes it really hard to read – a good rule of thumb would be to have one idea in one sentence. the longer the sentence, the more likely you are to lose the reader halfway through because the sentence is difficult to process. using shorter sentences will also help you with the use of commas, which should act almost as like a reading pause. the flow of your stories often gets interrupted with a comma in a spot where, when reading, you wouldn't naturally pause. 

but really, i think your stories will get exponentially better if you just shorten your sentences. so instead of:

"you do realize, dear iudex." wriothesley suddenly speaks out, a masculine voice entering your system as he stops in midst his slurred sentencing, secretly wanting to be the one who's rushing his shaft into you instead because— you can feel it then, immediately notice that the man fully needed you on his own, carnally, couldn't help himself but desire you, lasciviously."

this would be easier to comprehend, whilst still having the same meaning:

"you do realize, dear iudex," wriothesley suddenly speaks out. a masculine voice entering your system as he stops in midst his slurred sentencing, secretly wanting to be the one who's rushing his shaft into you instead. because– you can feel it then, immediately notice that the man fully needed you on his own, carnally and couldn't help himself but to desire you, lasciviously."

now again, these are just my opinions and you don't need to change anything unless you want to! just wanted to give some feedback and tips for growth 💕

genuine question, but why? where did you read that i would love to get a crash course on punctuation and grammar? genuinely, why?

i don't even know what to say. you start this with flattering me, then saying you get it and it's okay my first language is not english and it's not even about my grammar, but then you decipher my entire grammar down below "for growth" 😟 what growth, my love this is fan fiction, i'm literally just writing for fun. like what did you genuinely expect me to say back? "omg thanks! sorry for having french as my mothertongue and not english 😟" + the way i write is, bingo, the way i write. i will not change it, i‘m just writing for myself and do not need feedback for "growth" the last thing i care about on here is followers and growth, wtf is even growth bye, it does not matter to me and never will. i just have fun writing on this platform and talking to my readers. this is so crazy to me, just imagine what you could've done with your precious time instead of typing this out to me.

[nerdy-talkie]

What makes a movie memorable? Is it the dialogues? Or the cinematography? Or is it the people you watch it with? There can be one answer or there can be multiple. For me, Past Lives was memorable for multiple reasons.

The movie revolves around the lives of Nora and Hae Sung, two childhood friends, well, they're more than just friends but also not exactly lovers. Fate comes between them when Nora immigrates to Canada from Seoul. The conflict begins when they meet again after 12 years through a social media platform. It takes them another 12 years to meet in New York, physically.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that this movie was the debut of Celine Song, it's meticulously crafted and the nuances of a love story are wonderfully captured. It's refreshing and takes its time to bring you into its world. Shabier Kirchner has done a wonderful job with the camera, the frames are neither flashy nor are they boring, there is just enough depth and just the right amount of colors to compliment the story. If that's not perfect cinematography, I don't know what is. The cities in the movie, especially New York and Seoul, are beautifully shown, they're so well integrated into the script that they feel like supporting characters in their own rights.

The story is also wonderfully paced, although there isn't much in the second half of the film, it still doesn't feel out of place or awkward. More than anything, Past Lives is a cozy watch, it's a movie you may want to watch on a comfortable day when regular rom-coms may feel too artificial and a European art house might feel like too much of a work to understand. Infact, this is why I love some of the Asian dramas, the last time I felt like this was when I saw Koreeda's 'after the storm' and 'still walking'. These movies don't complicate the plot, neither do they introduce unnecessary drama, they understand that there's enough drama in everyday relationships and show just that. In the case of Past Lives, it shows the regret of two lovers, two souls that never got a chance to be together and explore what could have been.

In the end, this movie is not so much about past lives or future lives, it's about coming to terms with the present life. We all make choices that define who we are. Nora chooses to immigrate, she chooses to live in New York and become a playwright over going back to Seoul. Hae Sung chooses to stay in Seoul, he chooses a traditional job over a creative one. The choices they make continually push them apart, but something holds them together. Maybe it's In-yun, a Korean concept that says people are brought together based on interactions in their previous lives. Or maybe it's something more. But whatever it is, it's not strong enough to win over reality, and the characters are painfully aware of that.

A Korean proverb says, "even simply brushing clothes with someone is a fate". The movie stays true to this philosophy, maybe even the all powerful director didn't have enough power to change the fate of these broken lovers. But that's okay, because maybe in another life, they'll find comfort in each other's warmth.

If someone tells you that past lives is about a love triangle, don't believe them. Rather, it's about human connections, proper good-byes, overcoming regrets and coming to terms with one's life.

Watch the movie if you want to watch something that's grounded and simple, but beware of the emotional hangover it may leave!