#okay but you didn’t think i WOULDNT throw michael in there

[farfromstrange]

Matt smut coming in a moment!! I finally got down to write it and I’m almost done.

*pats myself on the back*

But then there is this fucker in the back of my mind:

I’m pretty sure he whispered, “Don’t hurt me.” But I did anyway, so…

ANYWAY TODAY IT’S HUSBAND’S TURN

You’re welcome :)

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 ‘TED MADE IT! IM SO HAPPY! YAY TEDDY AND EMMETT ADVENTURE TIME!!! Damn it, so everyone is in couples except Brian and Justin. Why couldn’t Brian go with Justin to LA? This sucks’ ‘oh wow Lindsay is really a fucking bitch. I get the worry though but holy shit what the fuck happened to her? I hate this shit. Throw them both away’ he is so annoyed with Lindsay and Melanie that he is currently repeating the words ‘break up’ over and over. They break up: ‘I TOLD YALL THIS SHIT LIKE TWO SEASONS AGO. FUCKING FINALLY now lets go to Brian and Justin’ ben and michael got engaged ‘man, they’re really stealing the spotlight, huh? DUDE. THIS IS NOT THE TIME. Stealing Debbies shine. Rude.’ And Justin is officially in LA ‘so he went to LA? When? What? Huh? This looks like that party at that club dudes place. I still don’t like this director guy. I hate this. Okay be honest, who is this actor Connor supposed to be? Tom Cruise? Or? He better not get in a way of my two boys or I’m fighting every person who wrote this show.‘ and the gang made it to Toronto ‘so this is like a play on that toronto is like Gay Pittsburgh? This does look like Woodys. BRIAN! OH MY GOD ITS BRIAN! Okay pause *stops tv AGAIN* listen. Remember how Brian reacted to Hunters handjob thingy? Pair that up with Hunters reaction to Brian explaining planes to Mike. BAM! Uncle and nephew duo! I love these two. I can’t believe i didnt think he wouldnt go to canada with a plane. That makes the most sense in the whole show. HE’S RIDING! THE RIDE! Wait stop. *pauses tv AGAIN!* so let me get this right? He found out from Mike that Justin was wanted in LA and his immediate reaction when realizing that Justin is turning it down is to lie about not doing the ride so that Justin wouldn’t sacrifice his future? What the fuck? I mean i know he cares about his future *looks at me and smiles* thats kinda the hottest part about him. But this is UGH. AW BRI AND EM HUGGED! AND HES SMILING! I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE IS FINALLY HAPPY BUT HELL, BLONDIE IS MISSING’ ‘i forgot how much Brian hates marriages. Im kinda surprised that they went that extra with it. Id get if he hated it for himself but others? I feel like he would be more of a minding my own business kinda person. Like me. *looks at me like he’s really proud of himself* me and Brian are clearly the same person because i know my bri bri.’ And we are back to LA ‘i dont know why but i really hate this. Like it’s weird. I love Blondie and the idea of his career becoming huge is awesome but this is just eh. (Justin says his ‘fucking’ line in the meeting) OH MY GOD. I FUCKING LOVE HIM LIKE THIS! PLEASE BLONDIE NEVER CHANGE! This kinda reminds me of when Brian said to Debbie that being a true american is getting fucked in the ass when they went to vote. They really are made for each other’ Mikey/Ben’s wedding is on ‘WHAT THE FUCK?! ALREADY? Awww Brian is his best man! No matter how he feels about stuff, he still cares the most about his friends. *points to tv* BRIAN IS THROWING THE CONFETTI! HES HAPPY FOR THEM BUT HE HAS TO BE GRUMPY AT TIMES. MY BABY HAS GROWN SO MUCH!’ ‘I just realized that Brian missed lindsays wedding and Blondie missed this one. They really cant be together. What the fuck is wrong with writers? Why do they hate them?’ And the Ride has officially started ‘AW BRIAN IS GONNA KICK ASS! Debbie is his mother! Why am i getting emotional by this, i already knew it? This wouldve been better with Blondie but GO BRI BRI! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!!! We should do something like this. You think its hard? We could have little pride flags on it like Ted! DID YOU SEE BRIS SMILE AT THE END? He tries to act tough but damn it, he really is finally happy, isnt he? If only fucking LA didn’t ruin it. But it’s okay, we got one more episode and all will be fixed!’ He is fully convinced that Brian will confess his love in the last ep. He is so sure that he sent a voice memo to family group chat AND friend group chat to let them know that the ‘i love you scene is coming up in the next episode! I’ll let you guys know how the fuck its gonna go down’

I’m with your brother - I love Brian getting excited for Mikey and Ben. He may not want marriage (loaded statement I know) but he wants to help others who do want it! Just like with Mel and Lindsay! (who are now broken up so that’s not a great example)

Brian has to go on the ride and not to LA for MANHOOD reasons. It’s stupid. It’s a dumb storyline. They could have done so much more with the history of the AIDS ride. Alas.

GAH! Work. More later!

[sinslasherfics]

Henlo!! Just gonna ask for general relationship headcannons for the boi™ Michael Myers? How do you think he would act in a relationship, and more importantly if youre okay writing (I know its a bit of a big request) what differences do you think there are between RZ and OG Michael?

ahhh thank u so much for requesting!! let’s get right into it 😊 i’m sorry if i don’t get it right!! pls let me know if i got it wrong, i can always rewrite!

general relationship headcannons | RZ+OG Michael Myers

RZ Michael

• whew so i think there is a big difference between OG and RZ michael!

• For starters, RZ michael would be much more i guess you can say “affectionate” than OG myers

• now, this doesn’t mean he’ll smother you in attention however

• you didn’t even know you were dating the man at first

• he just had it in his mind that since you HADN’T called the cops on him or ran away screaming when he came into your home on several occasions amd simply stared at you that this was it and that you and him were a thing

• michael baby that’s not how it works

• you just kinda got the clue when he just wouldnt leave

• “guess this is my life now”

• back to present times

• he won’t openly seek your affection or give you any

• he’s still having trouble coming to terms with his feelings for you and if it’s “love”

• you’d usually have to be careful with showing him any affection

• you cant be very sudden with your movements

•you tried to cup his cheek once and almost ended up with a broken hand

• but again this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you

• he does, but he’ll show it in weird ways

• the only ways he can really show love is during uh “sexy times”

• again that’s not to say he won’t show it any other ways than that!

• would probably gift you an amputated body part of your worst enemy

• your probably mortified to find it casually resting on your dresser

• he simply tilts his head, a silent question asking if you like the gift

• just nod along please

• is possessive. any man who he thinks might have the slightest interest in you you will never hear from again

• possessiveness brings out the affection in him

• will probably throw you over his shoulder, let you fall onto the couch, then hold your firmly against him

• it doesn’t feel like a hug, more like him squeezing you.

• he doesn’t know his own strength he’s trying his best

• he’d probably, with time, take his mask off around you

• do not ask for him to do it though, it’ll only make him wanna keep it on for longer

• when he does take it off don’t stare too much

•because right back on it’ll go

• probably will say a few words around you

•never a full on conversation

• the first time these two things happen they happen at the same time and your shocked

• hes just come home from a murder spree

• you sigh at the blood now on the carpeted floor as you walk over to him

• “can you take this off for me?” you gesture to his coveralls

• he stares at you for a moment

• you worry that was the wrong thing to say

• he nods before heading into the bathroom

• you take his coverall and wash them, set them outside the bathroom he’s currently in

• then you head back to doing whatever you were doing

• you hear him approaching and turn around

• you don’t recognize him for a bit

• his mask is off

• you almost say something but bite your tongue

• it’s better not to, don’t wanna make him go back to hiding his face

• he notices your shock but doesn’t think too much of it as you stop staring

• you ask him if he’s hungry to which he quietly grunts out a yes

• once again you almost jump

• you didn’t expect it

• but you smile, making sure it goes unnoticed

• he was finally opening up to you

• rz mikey has my heart

• sorry this was so long

onto og michael...

• i’m gonna make this one a little quicker, considering the fact that i don’t write too much for og since quite frankly he is terrifying

• very emotionless

• his cold eyes are uneasing, he’s almost constantly staring into your soul

• he doesn’t like to think of what you have as a relationship

• really i think he uses you as entertainment

• he hasn’t killed you

• yet

• so that’s something?

• expect no affection from this man

• like none

• don’t try to give him affection either

• he’ll snap your hand off

• the most he’ll let you do is breathe in his presence

• probably stand next to him

• it feels very one-sided

[black-mesa-hive-au]

Entry 4

CW: blood, panic attacks

(the recording suddenly starts, showing Calhoun's dorm room and another clone with slicked back hair at the doorway)

Gilbert: Afternoon.

Calhoun: uh-

Gilbert: Do we still have buds in the fridge?

Calhoun: y...yea?

Gilbert: mmmh. (he places his helmet on the hook by the door.) Man, I'm tired. Ughhhhh hungry too. Really takes a lot outta you standing practically all day.

Calhoun:.....

Gilbert: (he slides his shoes off and places them by the door.) Do we still have pizza from yesterday?

Calhoun:....you mean...pizza from last week?

Gilbert: Really? I swear we had pizza yesterday. Don't tell me you ate it all again and you're lying to me. 

Calhoun:.......

Gilbert: Are you even listening?

Calhoun: uh-

Gilbert: Ugh. Fine just don't listen to me.

Calhoun: I- Uh...

Gilbert: You're looking at me weirdly. Like I'm a ghost or something.

Calhoun: W-well! I'm looking at one right now! What the hell happened to you where did you go? You dont just expect to walk back in here and me be fine with it!

Gilbert: I just got back from my shift what are you talking about?

Calhoun: You and Michael have been gone a week! 

Gilbert: Look. I don't know who Micheal is or how you think I've been gone a week but I'd suggest you stop that talk before it really gets to your head. You watch those sci fi flicks too much.

Calhoun: But you-

Gilbert: But I what??? Are you sure you're feelin alright Calhoun?

Calhoun: I'm feeling fine! Just, I thought you were dead and-and...or like you were taken away or something!

Gilbert: Dead? You saw me this morning! We live together! I get off my shift at the exact same time every day. I'm here and I'm breathing.

Calhoun: I just- (he sighs) Fine, let's just go with your story. You just came back from your shift. Okay. So how was your day?

Gilbert: It was fine.

Calhoun: anything interesting?

Gilbert: Oh just a few bits of electric work and helping scientists open their offices again. The usual. (he grabs a beer from the fridge) How about you?

Calhoun: Well, I just did some errands for Dr. Freeman and guarded a bit. It was a pretty slow day, really.

Gilbert: (slowly pulls the beer tab) mm. Average. Wish there was something more to do, ya know.

Calhoun: (takes his helmet off, laying it in his lap causing the camera angle to change) Yea.

Gilbert: Heh, we're gonna be workin all our lives.

Calhoun: Well, if we don't we're a goner practically. (he laughs nervously)

Gilbert: Tell me about it. Look, I know I go on about it a lot but, do you ever think of running?

Calhoun: Like, running away?

Gilbert: Yea.

Calhoun: Of course.

Gilbert:I know you don't want to think about it but- I don't have long. I'm on my decommission year. They could take me any minute. Think about running all the time. Just. Run away somewhere. I don’t know where or with who. Or- or what will happen to me. I don't know if I can leave if I ever get the chance. Like physically- I don't know what would happen to a clone when taken from their natural environment.

Calhoun: I mean, our DNA is human so I'd assume so.

Gilbert: That could be a lie. All of us could be a lie.

Calhoun: Gilbert buddy, you're getting deeper than usual-

Gilbert: We could be like...not human. (he freezes for a second, unblinking)

Calhoun: Gilbert? are you okay?

Gilbert:.....

Gilbert: (he snaps out of it) Like, the thought of staying cooped up here doing the same thing over and over and over is exhausting. The scientists have had lives, they'll make lives and celebrate them. We're made like fish tank ornaments that help with things anyone could do with their own two hands. (he starts to pace) Black Mesa could hire anyone! They didn't need to make us but they just wanted to show off to aperture! How full of it do you have to be to make life like a party trick!? Build something just to throw it away after 3 years of use. We're not batteries. We're flesh and blood like everyone else! All of these things black mesa does for small achievements and pats on the back. Its sickening. I don't want to work here anymore. I've got shocked by those damn wires enough times that I'd probably be dead by now. We're technically not citizens of New Mexico. We're not citizens of anything so how could we stand up for ourselves and sue? (his breathing starts to become more frantic as he speeds up) The scientists would loose their jobs if they did and they're all too cowardly to try. To them we're just robots or something, so why would they care in the first place. We're useful to them. (he crushes his beer, the can contorting and shooting beer everywhere and continues to talk, this time even faster) We're made to be tools to them and not friends. Just objects that are alive. Th-that’s all we are and will be all we are. Just recycled over and over and over and over and over-

Calhoun: G-gilbert?

Gilbert: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-

Calhoun: GILBERT?!!?? LISTEN TO ME GIL-

Gilbert: over and over and over aND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER (he begins to grab the sides of his head, screaming and falling to his knees.) OVER AND OVER AND OVER

Calhoun: BREATHE MAN, BREATHE. JUST- (stands up, placing the helmet on the chair)

Gilbert: OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER ANNNNNDDDDDDD OVVVVEREEERRRRRRRRR!!!! (he screeches loudly as his nose begins to bleed)

Calhoun: GILBERT! GILBERT!! 3-3006!!! PLEASE I'M GETTING HELP- (he rushes to the phone on the wall, dialing quickly as Gilbert continues to screech)

Gilbert: (Starts to tug on his hair) OVVVVERRRR ANDD OVERRRRR AND OVERERRRRRR

Calhoun: (on the phone) HELLO? HELLO OTIS???

Gilbert: AAND OVERRRR AND OVERRR AND OV- (he stops, eyes bloodshot and blood still dripping from his nose. He freezes, pupils dilating as he frantically looks around at the ground. He takes a breath and falls to the floor with a thud.)

(The apartment is silent except for Calhoun's heavy breathing)

Calhoun: (drops the phone and looks back) GILBERT? Holy- oh my lord…(runs over to Gilbert, panicking and turning him over, checking his heartbeat.) no no no NO NO NO NO MAN DON'T DO THIS TO ME NOW.

(the sound of the keypad on the other side of the door chimes. Someone barges through the door, looking around frantically for the source of the screaming.)

Sisk: Calhoun? What was that scream-

Calhoun: (looks back to Sisk, showing off Gilbert's lifeless body) G-gg...

Sisk: Holy S--t. W-what the hell happened!? Did he just? Did you? 

Calhoun: No! No! I didn't do anything! He just got to talking a...about like all that existential stuff and just….kinda broke! He just died!!! in front of me!

Sisk: Jesus Christ. I didn't even know he was alive? And then he just...died? Right in front of you?

Calhoun: (nods, sniffling) 

Sisk: You- you don't just do that. Right? Right??? You don't just die that. 

Calhoun: I- I don’t know. He was gone for a week and just came back and immediately got to talking about all this. I...I have to call someone. (he stands up)

Sisk: What are you going to do about the body? The administration isn't going to be kind about a body laying around in your dorm! And where was he all this time?

Calhoun: I have to call (he makes his way back to the phone hanging on the wire) Someone….

Sisk: Who are you going to call??!! We need to do something about him!!! Please Calhoun come to your senses!

Calhoun: (dialing) Hello? Doctor Kleiner?

Dr. Kliener: Hello?? 2295???

Sisk: (Runs up and grabs the phone)

Calhoun: What the hell???

Sisk: You can't call a scientist!!! They'll think you killed him or something! Then you'll be dead for sure! 

Calhoun: No Sisk, you don't get it! I have to call him. This is important!

Sisk: So is Gilbert's dead body!

Calhoun: Look, I trust him to help! I don't have time for this!! Don't make me play rank on you. 

Sisk: WHY DO YOU TRUST HIM? 

Calhoun: OFFICER SISK- CALM DOWN

Sisk: CALHOUN THIS IS ONE OF US HE CAN'T HELP! HE WOULDNT KNOW A THING ABOUT HEL-

Calhoun: OFFICER SISK. I NEED YOU TO STAND DOWN.

Sisk: Bu-

Calhoun: PLEASE. 

Sisk: (he blinks for a second, and backs off reluctantly, looking Calhoun straight in the eye) You are making a horrible mistake. A horrible mistake.

Calhoun: Like you have any better idea!!??

Sisk: YES. I DO!!! WE BURY HIM OURSELVES! CLONE TO CLONE!! THE ADMINISTRATION WOULD PROBABLY JUST THROW HIM OUT!! YOU WOULDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN WOULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU CARED!! 

Calhoun: I DO CARE!! OF COURSE I CARE!!! WE CAN'T DO IT ALL BY OURSELVES. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!

Dr. Kleiner: I guess I'll just wait then….

Sisk: OH? WE CAN'T DO IT OURSELVES? WHAT HAPPENED TO US BEING JUST AS HUMAN?? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BARNEY CALHOUN THAT HAD HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT? DID THAT SCIENTIST YOU'RE CALLING SUCK IT OUT OF YOU??

Calhoun: THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP US!

Sisk: AND THOSE PEOPLE ARE OURSELVES. NOBODY IN THIS FACILITY HAS EVER SHED A TEAR FOR US. WHY WOULD THEY HELP US!!??? YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME. WE GET HURT.

Calhoun: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT VINCENT THAT WAY. THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 

Sisk: You know what? I'm not arguing with you anymore. It's like arguing with a child!

Calhoun: You're arguing with yourself.

Sisk: And so are you. Except this side of you still gives a damn.

Calhoun: (He takes a deep, shaken breath) You don't get it. you don't get it. There is more going on than you know of.

Sisk: Oh. Is that what is making you so stubborn? Some conspiracy again? You know I'm getting a little tired of this. You're always running away from the facts and siding with some random BS that suits you more.

Calhoun: I have facts. I have PLENTY. LOOK. GILBERT AND MICHEAL WERE GONE A WEEK AND NOW GILBERT IS BACK AND DEAD ON MY DORM FLOOR. THERE'S A FACT. GILBERT IS A 3RD GENERATION CLONE, MAN! THEY DON'T JUST DIE LIKE THAT- THE ADMINISTRATION TAKES THEM AWAY! YOU KNOW THIS. (he takes a deep breath) you should know this. Please just listen ,Sisk, I respect you. You're a fine officer and I love you like a brother I don't want to have to keep arguing with you.

Sisk:....

Calhoun: Goddammit man, just please-

Sisk: (he sighs) Fine….just call the scientist. I'll see you tomorrow morning then. 

Calhoun:...alright.

Sisk: (makes his way to the door, hesitantly stepping over Gilbert) He was my friend too you know. Most I'd like is a funeral. (he walks out, the door sliding shut behind him)

Dr. Kleiner: y-you still there? Calhoun?

Calhoun: Y...yea doc I'm here.

Dr. Kleiner: 3009 is….back?

Calhoun: Dead. He's back and he's dead. 

Dr. Kleiner: I'm very sorry about that ,Mr. Calhoun. 

Calhoun: I'm (he nervously laughs) Sorry you had to hear all of that. 

Dr. Kleiner: Its fine, it's fine. Me and Dr. Vance have arguments all the time. Its part of being, well, human. 

Calhoun:.....(stands there)

Dr. Kleiner: Calhoun?

Calhoun: (hangs up and places the phone back. He walks over to the helmet to turn the camera off as tears stream down his face.)

-end of recording- 

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

it’s always the sanjays and adityas that end up as traitors smh. sangamesh is like that weird guy who can’t take a hint to leave you alone lmao.

can.. we just appreciate ✨tall women✨ they get so much shit cause of patriarchal standards but a pretty girl and you have to look up to see her pretty face 🥰

ahh i wish i could find it for you, but i spent like ten minutes googling “the moon is polyamorous tumblr” and i think my FBI agent is getting bored of me.

no! i like hearing about names, i think the idea of them are so cool. like we made sounds that refer to a person, but then some people have the same sounds so we added more and called them last names and even then people have the same sounds??

okay fine, i may... leave you for abigail thorn or kristen stewart.. but could you blame me?? also holy fuck i just found out abigail thorn is 6 foot.... *throws a non-existent wedding ring off my floor, picks bags off the floor and kicks the door open* bye bitch

nooo not the broken heart, we’re allowed to leave each other for hotter people okay /j

(also yes i have and i absolutely hated it. srry if you liked it, but the toxic masculinity and misogyny made me not like it, also maybe cause i was kind of in a hard place when i watched it and it definitely didn’t help lmao. i heard there’s an f3 coming out 😬)

yay!! i’m so proud of you (drop the @ so i can see what you’re up to). i think it’s a great idea and i’m glad you’re not stressing over it. also maybe i’m biased because i like your nonsense- mostly cause i’m part of it.

my life’s pretty boring, but i’m going on vacation. i’ll probably send you random asks cause i’ll miss you too much if i don’t. <3

also sometimes it hits me randomly that your telugu. like that still hasn’t fucking registered in my brain lol. and you know how every desi person knows each other, what if we like met irl and neither of us knows. ngl that freaks me out a little cause i don’t want to be perceived irl but it’s kind of cool cause i’ve never met anyone like me before :)

(that was long and rambly but hopefully the words came out right)

dw about answering my asks! i just like hanging out with you (in my head we’re just vibing in a room).

anyways i love you *squeezes you tightly*

mwah! here’s a pretty flower🌷

- indi <3

sooo true, if i were evil i could use those names but unfortunately i only want to destroy capitalism 😔 no but one of the names on my list was Vijay Kai. i want you to take a minute to guess the main reason why i listed this name. think hard. take a deep breathe and think more.

youre wrong! jay and kai were my favorite characters in ninjago and i made it Vijay bc it was indian and also the nickname V would be super cool. i am dead serious.

no but actually tall women are like 🥰😍🥺😚 im lov. feel so small and safe with tall women, lets just appreciate tall women for a minute, ty (and by tal women i mean literally everyone, im five one so)

no i googled it too, i think theres a blog with that name bc i couldnt find anything else, lmao. fbi agent should be happy theyre getting some variety in their daily lives of "i accidentally swallowed glue help!"

no i completely agree, like especially how some names can just be words, like naming your kid river or sky, but then others arent and theyre Just Names, like Wilson or Michael, or some other names that arent survival movie names (sorry to the people named wilson and michael lol) and like how technically we dont need names, like its easier with, but we could do without if we wanted to, but we were like "no i need to identify my friends and people i know!!"

nah, i wouldnt blame you, i too would leave myself for abigail thorn. wait shes six feet?? *beats you to the door without furniture bc Priorities*

mutually preemptive divorce <3 we part ways amicably only to come back together in the end

(no yeah, the jokes that they actually made werent funny At All, but the whole bit where the women "forgave" them only to give them a taste of their own medicine was the only good part. and the anthega guy, i couldnt get over his face, plus im gay for Tamannaah, Mehreen, and Varun Tej, so i spent the whole time simping lol) (but have you seen Varun Tej in Gaddalakonda Ganesh/Valmiki?? sir 😭✋🏽 some of us are gay)

ah thank you 🥰 its @thoughts-of-a-trying-tree, i wanted to keep the tree theme lmao. i love your nonsense too <3

ooo, a vacation!! thats exciting, i hope you have fun! im cool with you sending random asks but make sure to enjoy yourself and let go too!! ill live vicariously through you, lmao

no i feel like that sometimes too, its a bit strange to think of other people similar to me bc i spent so long thinking everyone else was opposite to me, if that makes sense? we've probably seen each other at suvidha or bawarchi lol, or maybe you were that kid stuffing kinder joys in their mouth so they could steal them (imagine if that was actually you, lol. dont tell me or ill lose my mind)

i am hanging upside down from the ceiling, swinging precariously and hoping i dont bring the roof down 😌 what a wonderful rooooom

love you toooo *hugs back* <3

aw, thank you! ill put it in a little vase <3

[curlytemple]

niche interests list 

okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me! 

pigs????

alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies. 

sugar creek gang 

OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes. 

 the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully) 

tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect. 

peter pan

so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth. 

shug

you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.  

the summer series

on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation. 

pappyland

this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.  

boy meets world

i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!

i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.

lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.

[video-killed-the-radio-host]

Father Dearest

With the help of the ever amazing @acealex-blueiguana , we wrote some angst about Cecil’s not very nice father.

TW: racism against Carlos, homophobia, deadnaming, misgendering

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Cecil puts the phone down, his face paler than usual. He leans on the counter and presses a hand over his mouth.

Carlos looks up from his work at the table. "Cecil? What is it?" He stands. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Cecil turns, burying his face in Carlos's shoulder.

"Love, I need you to talk to me." Carlos says softly, rubbing Cecil's back.

Cecil picks up his head. "My father is coming over for dinner." He whispers.

"I thought your father was dead?"

Cecil shakes his head but doesn't look up. "No. I wish I could say he was though."

"Maybe he wants to make amends?"

"You really think so?"

"We shouldn't rule it out."

Cecil nods but doesn't look convinced. He lets out a soft sigh and looks away. "Michael will be home soon."

"What are we going to tell your father?"

"It's none of his damn business!" Cecil snaps before taking a breath. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Hey." Carlos murmurs, cupping Cecil's face. "We'll figure it out. I promise." He turns as the door opens. Michael stands there for a moment, laughing and waving at presumably at Mika.

Michael walks into the house, shutting and locking the door behind him. "Home!" He calls out and carefully walks to the kitchen counter to lay his backpack down.

Carlos steps away from Cecil after giving him a soft kiss. "How was your day?" He asks,pulling open the fridge. "I'm thinking lasagna for dinner. What do you think?"

"There was a fight at school. Bet ya can guess at least one person involved." He smirks. "Whatever you make is always good. Still better than my house." The words come so easily. This is home to him now, but when did the change in his mind happen?

Carlos laughs. "Even Cecil's cooking is better than your house.'

"Hey! Rude. My cooking isn't that bad."

Carlos closes the fridge. "You made toast inedible."

"Maybe I like it burnt."

"Not even Khoshekh would eat it."

Cecil huffs a pout before looking at Michael. "Michael...um...my father is coming over tonight. I wanted to let you know."

The boy tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed. "Your father? How did he even find you?" He asks before shaking his head and twisting his sleeves. "Do- um- do you want me to stay someplace else while hes here then? I can stay at the station or see if Mika will let me crash with them- theyre normally down for it…"

"I have no idea…" Cecil shakes his head. "No. This is your home and if he doesn't like it, he can leave." As much as he didn't want to admit it, having Michael there would help to keep him grounded.

"Okie dokie." He pauses. "Um… if you change your mind, let me know. I can get Mika to pick me up if needed… I'm not really the greatest kid, and I dont wanna cause problems with your da- father."

"I'd rather have you here than him." Cecil says with a small smile.

Carlos puts the pasta dough and a jar of homemade sauce on the counter. "Do you know anything about your father?"

Cecil shakes his head with a sigh. "Never met him."

"Samesies." Michael says, trying to lighten the mood, before giving Cecil a hug. "We'll figure it out."

"Yes we will because that's what we do." Carlos smiles.

Cecil nods a little, wrapping his arms around Michael. "Yeah."

Unsure how to help right now, the boy changes topic to get Cecils mind on something else. "Mika was in the fight. They did good as usual. They also got suspended but promised they'd still walk me there and hang around until its time for us to go home."

"Who did they fight this time? And why?"

Carlos shakes his head with a laugh. "That kid is something else." He says as he starts to roll out the dough.

"One of the jocks on the football team. They threw food at Roger, so Mika threw a fist." He smiles. "Roger's okay. We checked on him before they got dragged to the office."

"Ah that means I'll be getting a phone call from a conflicted Earl later then." Cecil chuckles softly. "Oh well. I'm glad he had someone to stand up for him."

Carlos looks over his shoulder. "I don't condone fighting but i hope Mika kicked their ass."

"We both try to stand up for him, but Mika does a much better job." He nods. "They definitely kicked his ass. The dude didnt even know what was happening at first."

"I'm sure you won't have a problem with him anymore."

Carlos lets out a loud groan, making Cecil jump. "We are out of garlic!"

"Carlos it's not the end of the world."

"It's bad luck. My mama said that if you don't have garlic in your house when a stranger comes, bad things will happen."

"So get more garlic?" Michael offers. "Did you have garlic when I showed up?"

"Course we did. It wasn't fresh though…"

"I'll just run to the store and-" Cecil is cut off by the doorbell. He pales a little. "He's here." He whispers.

"Breathe, dad. We got this." The boy hugs Cecil tighter. "I'll get the door if ya want."

Cecil shakes his head. "No. I'll be alright."  He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders before crossing to the front door and opening it. He stared at the man on the other side of the door in shock. He looked just like Cecil, same deep eyes and platinum hair. He was lacking the winding tattoos though as far as Cecil could see. No wonder my mother hated looking at me. Cecil thinks.

Brian stands for a moment before crossing his arms. "You going to make your old man stand outside all night?"

Cecil quietly moves to the side, watching the man enter the house.

Michael grabs his bag off the countertop and slings one strap over his shoulder. "I'll- um- go put my stuff away…" he says to Carlos: his tone hinting at his growing anxiety. Visitors at his house always meant stricter parents than normal. After all, they have to save face and br the happy family the Richardsons claim they are.

He cautiously walks into the living room, doing his best to stay hidden and out of the way. He just has to make it to his room.

Carlos nods and puts a reassuring hand on Michael's shoulder before joining Cecil in the living room. "Hello Mr. Palmer. I'm-"

"Cecil you got yourself a maid?" Brian asks, looking impressed.

"I'm not-"

"Carlos is my husband." Cecil corrects.

"No. No son of mine is a fag."

Michael tenses at the word. "Not really your son." The kid, against his better judgement, mumbles under his breath as he's halfway across the room.

That catches Brian's attention and he studies the child. "You must be Michelle. The nice lady in yellow at the station told me about you."

"His name is Michael." Cecil says, shoulders tense. "And-"

Sensing that Cecil is about to ramble, Carlos speaks up. "Would you like a drink? Dinner is in the oven so we have about forty five minutes before we can eat."

"Got any whiskey?"

"We don't drink."

Brian cocks an eyebrow. "Since when? Last I heard you were a drunk and a whore." He snaps at Michael. "Get me a drink girl."

Of course she did. Lauren is just wonderful that way isnt she. Michael tries to brush off the sinking feeling in his stomach. He still has to put his bag away after all, so he ignores the request. Brian makes him feel similar to his Father, but Cecil and Carlos wouldnt let him hurt him. Right?

So Michael just grips his strap tighter and continues walking to the guest room. Theyve got forty five minutes to survive this "pleasant" conversation. He can manage that.

"Leave him alone. I'll get your drink." Cecil stands, grateful for the excuse to leave the room. He gets a glass of water but leans on the counter to collect himself. He hears his father call after him, something about not liking his attitude.

"Kids these days. To lazy to even listen." He looks at the Hispanic man he was left alone with. "It's bad enough my son is a fag but he settled for a mexican of all people?"

Carlos tightens his jaw and waits before answering. "I am not a Mexican. Not all Hispanics are from Mexico. I'm from Chile."

"I don't care what you are."

Michael flings his bag onto the bed. "People fucking suck." He says to himself. He doesnt want to go back out there, but he doubts Carlos or Cecil would be happy with him hiding away. So he snags his rubiks cube off the night stand and makes his way back to the living room.

"I'm not going to sit here and let you insult me."

"Well you're free to go back to the field you came from with-" Brian clicks his tongue. "Six bastard kids?"

"Here." Cecil interrupts before Carlos could answer. "All we have is water." That isn't the truth but his father didn't need to know about the bottle of wine stored away for a special day.

"Damn took you long enough. I see your mother didn't teach you anything about good manners."

"She was too busy raising two kids by herself."

"And what's your excuse with her?" He gestures at Michael.

Michael glances up at him before turning his attention back to the rubiks cube. It's the only way to keep himself from misbehaving. The click of the cube and the ability to keep his hands busy help his anxiety in a manner that doesnt destroy the sleeves of hoodies. Hes trying to swallow the growing pit of dysphoria, knowing that this evening will only make it worse.

"He's fine." Carlos sits down in a recliner as Cecil settles in the rocking chair. "You're hardly in a place to give parenting advice."

Cecil looks over, his face pale again. "Carlos…"

Brian shakes his hand and sets the glass down with a thud. "What you know about being a father? Besides the fact that you're supposed to throw sandals at them to shut them up."

The boy flinches at the cup and bites his tongue. He wants to say something. He wants to stand up for his dads, but hes scared. He doesnt know how Brian will react, and hes only just starting to heal again after being beaten by his own father.

"Is there a reason you're here or did you just come to insult my lifestyle?"

Looking away from Carlos, Brian looks at Cecil. "You'll do well to speak when spoken to boy."

"You'll do well to-"

"Why don't we change the subject?"

Michael keeps his head down, afraid of what might happen if he steps out of line. He's nearly done with solving the rubiks cube. Click. Click. Click. The sound near deafening when the conversation has silences.

"Fine. Straight to the chase then."

Cecil doesn't answer, pulling out his latest project and a set of knitting needles. He does look up when he feels eyes on him.

"Do you have any sense of manhood at all?"

"He could kill you with those needles." Carlos muses. "And I'd help."

Click. Click. Click. The boy smiles as he solves the cube. "Carlos?" He asks. Waving the cube at the scientist, he silently asks for him to shuffle before tossing it across the room to him.

Carlos catches the cube and looks at it for a moment before beginning to shuffle it. He turns it and shakes his head, shuffling it more before tossing it back. "There ya go."

"Some of us appreciate the beauty in art and take pride in what they make." He looks up at his father. "Even if it isn't what you want." He had a cold but sad look in his eyes.

"If it isn't good enough, toss it away and start over. That's common sense."

"The Chinese fix broken things with gold to show they are still beautiful despite being broken."

"Well last I check we are not Chinese. And we are to good for broken things. When something breaks, throw it away."

Michael scoffs at Brian's first words. That's what his birth parents did, but Cecil is different. "And you know all about common sense." He mutters as he works on the cube again. The kid knows he's not suppose to speak but cant help it. This dick is a moron, and hes lucky that Mika didnt stay for dinner like usual.

"Excuse me little girl?"

"You're good at throwing things away." Cecil whispers.

"You will not speak to your father that way."

"You cant call yourself that. You're just a deadbeat sperm donor." Michael snaps before he can catch himself.

"That is definitely out of line…" He mentally scolds himself. "Mika will find this amusing."

"You gave up the right to call yourself my father when you walked out before my mother and I even left the hospital." Cecil snaps, dropping his project to his lap.

"You haven't earned the right to have me be your father."

"You never even gave me the chance to try and be good enough for you!"

Carlos flinches at Cecil's words but tenses as Brian stands.

Panic and fear flood Michael's system when Brian stands, but the idea of him hurting Cecil forces himself to his feet. A giant on one end and a teen a little over five feet on the other. Brian is like his Father, but for some reason he doesnt feel as terrified standing up to him. "This is not your house. You do not get to talk to my dad like that." He growls.

Cecil keeps his eyes level with Brian as he stands, despite his heart pounding in his chest. Especially when Michael speaks.

Brian stops his track toward Cecil and turns on Michael. "You do not tell me how to deal with my son. I'm too late to make a decent man but I'm sure that can change."

Cecil stands and moves across the room, stopping in front of the older man. "I am not afraid of you, Brian Alexander Palmer."

Cecil barely flinches when a wide hand comes across his face.

"You do not get to address me like that. I am your father!"

"Abby was more of a father to me than you ever could have been."

Carlos manages to catch Brian's wrist before he can hit Cecil again. The motion causes Brian's sleeve to slip down a little.

Cecil's eyes fall on the marks on Brian's arms. The needle marks he knew all too well. I'm just like him….

Maybe Mika wasnt the best influence, or maybe they were the best one Michael could have.

As soon as Brian hit Cecil, Michael was reacting. He would gladly take pain if it kept Cecil safe. Rage immediately flooded the panic that was in his chest, and he throws the rubiks cube directly at Brian's head. "Asshole!" Michael yells. Hands clenched into fists; his body moving forward towards the bastard. Fight or flight. For once the boy chooses to fight.

Brian's head snapped to the side when it was struck by the plastic cube and he jerks his hand free from Carlos's grip. "You little bitch!" He brings his heel down on the cube, feeling it break under his foot. "I'll put you in your place since my worthless son can't seem to do that."

Cecil and Carlos react at the same time, rushing toward Brian as he lunges toward Michael.

Carlos manages to get ahold of the back of Brian's shirt but Cecil gets an elbow to the Face and stumbles back.

Too late to change my mind now. Michael's eyes dart to Cecil as he gets knocked back, but he stands his ground. Fists clenched, and eyes determined. He knows how to dodge and throw a punch. Hes not allowed to defend himself, but hes not defending himself right now. Hes defending Cecil. Hes defending his dad.

Carlos pulls Brian back towards him and away from Michael. "Not in my house."

Brian struggles against Carlos's hold. "The little brat needs to know her place."

Cecil picks himself up, nose bleeding a little but he didn't care. "You will not lay a hand on my son."

"My place is here. You do not get to talk to my dads like that." Murder in the boy's eyes.

"Where is your real family? Cause I sure as hell know this isn't it. Cecil's to dumb to keep anything alive more than a week."

"Out." Cecil says, voice shaking a little. "I want you out of my house."

"I came for dinner and we haven't eaten yet so I'm not leaving until I get what I came for."

Carlos brings his free and up to grasp the back of Brian's neck. "You heard him."

"This is my real family. But you havent met everyone." His eyes hold fire as he stares at the bastard. "Trevor! Can you help? Please!" The boy yells, making sure the sheriff's secret policeman can clearly hear. "Be lucky Mika didnt stay for dinner, or youd already be dead. You are nothing but worthless scum. So get out."

"Who the hell is Trevor?"

"If you bothered to stick around, you'd know." Cecil couldn't fight the smirk as the door was flung open.

"In my defense," Trevor says as he makes his way toward where Brian was struggling in Carlos's hold. "I would have intervened sooner but I didn't want to spook you. Also I found cool lizard in the bush." The Secret Policeman stops in front of Brian. "I was wondering if I'd ever see your face again Brian. I haven't missed it." He punches Brian in the nose, causing a satisfying crack. "That's for hitting an upstanding member of our town." He then thumbs Brian's forehead. "That's cause you're ugly."

"I appreciate it, Trevs." Michael smiles. "Did ya get any pictures of the lizard?"

"Hold em for me?" Trevor takes Michael's hand and puts down a blue gecko with orange spots. "It's not poisonous. I already checked. I'll take this" He takes ahold of Brian's arm. "And be back soon."

"You better take your hands off of me! I have rights!"

"Night Vale doesn't work like the outside world and I'm sure you'll find that out." Carlos calls with a wave before looking back at Cecil.

His nose had stopped bleeding which is good but he still was shaken up.

"Hey" Carlos says softly. "It's alright. He's gone now."

The boy cups his hands to keep the gecko in his hold. "I'm sorry for not behaving and staring a scene… I didnt mean for you to get hurt…" Michael whispers. He made it worse. Maybe he shouldve stayed with Mika.

Cecil shakes his head. "I was dumb to think he would be a nice guy." He sits down and puts his head in his hands. "I'm sorry I let him in here. I should have known better."

"There's no way you could have known…"

"I should have known! And what if I turn out just like him? I already am like him…." He groans. "I should have known."

Michael plays with the lizard as he walks over to Cecil. "Hey…" He gently taps Cecil with his foot. "You're not like him. I can prove it. Do ya want me t list all the ways I already know you're nothing like him?"

"He has my face and…" he leans down and rolls up his pant leg, revealing the needle scars. "It's easier to hide on my legs. I'm no better than he is."

The boy ignores Cecils attempt to argue. Hes not shocked by the scars; Em had told him about Cecil's past before. Still playing with the lizard, he sits on the floor.

"You dont drink. Ya dont misgender me- not accidentally and never intentionally unless it's to keep me safe from Mother and Father. You dont snap demands at me. You're not racist or sexist. Ya see good in broken things, and you dont see them as just trash to be thrown away. You havent walked out on your family." He lists. "Ya never broke my rubiks cube before." He gives a small smile. "You let me play with Tic Tac which I know he wouldnt ever allow if they belonged to him. You're a good dad."

"According to Abby so was he until I came along."

"And yet...you made the best you could with a shitty hand and you didn't let it beat you. Because you're stronger than he is. You are not your past. And you are not him. You are better than him."

"According to my case worker, Mother and Father were good people before I came along. Does it make it my fault that they're not good people now?" He asks wanting to prove a point.

Cecil opens his mouth to argue but whatever he was going to say was cut off by the over going off.

"See? Even the oven disagrees with you." Carlos chuckles. He stands and goes to the oven to pull dinner out.

"I know this shouldn't bother me as much as it does but it's a...chain isn't it? Hereditary?" He runs a hand through his hair. "I don't want to be like that."

"Theres no way you'll be like that. Carlos wouldnt let ya. You arent your father. Hes more of a sperm donor actually, and that doesnt determine how the kid will turn out. I dont know my birth parents, but I dont think I'm like them. I mean I wouldnt give up a defenseless kid and have them left in the snowy night only a couple hours of being alive. That's just a messed up thing to do." He pauses, taking one of Cecils hand and letting the gecko crawl onto it. "You already have shown that you're much better than Brian. You're a dad. Hes a deadbeat."

Cecil gives a small smile at the lizard before looking up at Michael. "It isn't often we switch roles." He says, his expression soft. "You're such a good kid."

"No, I'm a terrible child." He smiles. "Mika is so gonna have a field day when they find out I yelled and threw my rubiks cube at your sperm donor."

"I hope he's locked away when you tell them about how I let myself get slapped because they might go nuts."

"You didnt even flinch! I dont know how you did that! I flinched when he put his cup down too hard."

"I think I knew it was coming. I've spent enough time with pissing off Lauren to know when I'm about to get hit. Or stabbed. Or kicked. Or- yeah. I think you get the idea."

"I'm use to it too, but I still flinch. Even when m not gonna get hit, I still flinch. Its impressive."

"Tell ya a secret. I almost went into cardiac arrest. It's amazing I didn't."

"How about you stop talking about dying and come eat before this gets cold?" Carlos calls.

"I propose after dinner we watch a movie and try to salvage this evening. What do you think?"

"I couldve fought him. You and Carlos were quick to shutting that down though. Lame." He giggles and stands up, grabbing Cecils arm and trying to pull him up. "What movie?"

"I didn't want to risk you getting hurt. I can take more than you can." Cecil points out as he stands. "Coraline?"

"If I can knock you on your ass and slam Father into a wall with my ankle more sprained than usual, I think I could handle Brian." He huffs before smiling. "Okie dokie."

"I had never met him. I don't know what kind of damage he could do. I refused to risk your safety. And that's all I'm saying on it." Cecil says, hoisting Michael over his shoulder and depositing him at the kitchen table.

The boy squeaks when Cecil lifts him up and laughs when he gets dropped off at the table.

"Children. Settle down so we can eat." Carlos said,sitting the pan on the table. "Don't make me smack you both with a spoon."

"Uh rude."

"Oh hush and eat."

[imaginethishoe]

 Unfaithful (Part IV)

(Part I) (Part II) (Part III)

(Masterlist)

So this took forever. I kept changing things and rewriting sections. I hope you guys like this one. Next Chapter will hopefully come out quicker than this one did.

Warnings: Language, Character Death :(

"Happy Birthday Danny! Two years old already." John said as he spun my son around in circles, his own children walking in and greeting me before continuing through Polly’s new house that the boys got her.

"I know. And he's already starting trouble." 

"Sounds just like a Shelby boy, yeah?" He rustled his hair before putting him down and letting him go play with the new toy he bought him.

"Everyone's in the parlor if you want to say hello."

"Everyone?" I rolled my eyes at the mere thought of seeing Thomas. It had been a two months since the incident. Im sure Grace was about ready to burst by now.

"He isnt here yet, if that is what youre asking."

"I would be fucking surprised if he even showed his face."

"He'd better. Danny has been looking forward to seeing him for weeks." As if on cue, there was a knock at the door. I gave John a pleading look that I knew he wouldnt be able to resist.

"Fine. Go set up or something. I'll open the door." I smiled and kissed his cheek, reveling in the fact that John had a huge soft spot for me.

I walked into a packed room, Michael and Finn talking about something I had no interest in, Ada trying to get Karl to sit still, Polly smoking and reading todays paper, and Arthur in the corner, throwing danny up in the air over and over again.

"Oi, stop tossing my kid around." A voice echoed behind me. I didnt turn around; i didnt have to. He walked over to where Arthur was holding a giggling Daniel and took him from his arms, hugging him tightly.

"He's a great father, isnt he" I looked to my right and Grace was standing there, hand on her side. Her eyes werent glowing like they usually did, and there were dark circles under them. Despite being pregnant, I could tell that she was losing some weight. Her hair looked like yarn, not its normal silky blonde, and her cheeks were sunken in, arms looked like they could snap under the slightest touch.

"Jesus Christ Grace, you look horrible." She laughed as much as she could.

"Yeah. Its like this baby is draining the life from me." I gently grabbed her arm and led her to a chair and helped her sit.

She may not be my favorite person, but I'm not completely cold hearted.

"Have you gone to a doctor?" I asked putting the back of my hand on her forehead. "You’re burning up for fucks sake!"

"God, you sound just like him. Im fine. I just need to rest."

"This doesnt look like something rest is going to take care of. I think you should go and see someone." She put her hand on top of mine, giving it a soft squeeze.

"Everything is okay. Thank you for worrying." I gave her a small smile before looking back over to where Tommy was, his eyes fixed on his past and present.

Before i could even stand up, he was putting Daniel down and walking out of the room, asking me to follow him.

"What is it you want Thomas?" I questioned once everyone else at the party was out of ear shot.

"I wanted to apologize." I waited for him to continue. "I should have told you Grace was pregnant before we fucked."

"Don't say fucked. It makes it sound like I'm some cheap whore that you left five pounds for after you were done."

"In simple, Im sorry, okay?" I eyed him for a few, not sure about those words leaving his mouth. If Tommy Shelby was apologizing for something, hell must have frozen over.

"It's going to take a lot more than words to fix this shit show Thomas. You've managed to fuck me over twice. I don't think I can handle a third time."

He sighed and nodded his head, showing that he understood how serious I was.

"Tommy! You better get in here!" We both walked back to where the rest of our family was. Everyone had crowded around Grace.

"What's happening?" Tommy asked frantically. I felt a small pang in my chest when I saw him run to her side like she was the only thing of importance to him in the world.

"Her water broke." Polly entered the room with two buckets, one full of towels and the other empty. Ada wasn't far behind, holding a pail of water. "You boys better get out of here. This won't be a pretty one."

The Shelby boys, not including Thomas, filed out. I gave Danny to John and walked over to where the other women were kneeling.

"Pol, do you need me to do anything?" She looked up at me with a confused expression, which settled back into worry.

"Yeah, take this." She handed me the empty bucket and turned to continue what she was doing before.

"Well what am I supposed to do with it?"

"Keep it. You're going to need it." She lifted up Graces dress so she could see what she was working with. There was blood spreading all over Polly's couch. My hand flew to my mouth and I turned around, gripping on to the metal as I vomited my breakfast into the once empty bucket.

I've helped deliver almost one hundred babies, none less bloody than the next. Why am I retching at a time like this?

In seconds Tommy was by my side, his hand gripping my waist. If I thought I would be able to without throwing my insides up, I would have laughed at the situation; Tommy running back and forth between two women, unable to discern which needed more care.

From the looks of it, Grace needed his undivided attention.

"Are you alright?" He questioned, his voice low.

"I'm fine. Go, tend to Grace." He eyed me carefully before turning around and returning to his place beside his wife.

I sat in a chair facing the fire, needing the crackling wood to help rid my body of the chills I had.

Grace let out a blood curdling scream, and suddenly the fire wasn't so warm anymore.

I watched him from across the field. He was just standing there, staring at the grave, watching Scudboat and Curly fill the hole back up.

I tried not to think about how different this should have all turned out, but I couldn't help it. She should be here. She should be the one holding her child.

It had only been a little over a week since Grace died. This was the first time I've seen him since, and still it's only from a far.

I looked to my left as John approached me and stood by my side, staring at his brother just as I was.

"He's going to need help, you know. He won't ever admit it, but he can't stay in that house alone. It'll rip him apart. Just like after the war."

"John." I said barely above a whisper. "I don't think I can."

"I didn't say it had to be you. You have every right to say no. I just thought you'd be open to it because of Danny."

I thought about the possibility of moving back in with Tommy. In the house I swore I would never go back to.

And I realized that I'd never be able to stop thinking about all the times I wished an untimely death on Grace.

"I have to talk to Polly before I make any decisions." I couldn't look at him. I didn't want him to question me about it before I was sure, and he would ask a million questions the moment he saw the look on my face.

He just sighed draped his arm over my shoulders. I leaned into him, appreciating his warmth shielding me from the cool air.

PART 5

If you’ve made it this far, you might as well like. :)

So if anyone would like to be tagged in Unfaithful or anything I post, please message me (Even if you already have), dont comment under any posts because they are super hard to go back and find and I dont want to leave any of you beautiful people out. <3 Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave feedback my loves.

[daniellesimagines]

Sanity Break (Trevor Collins)

word count: 1773 requested by: none pronouns: she/her warnings: none fandom: achievement hunter au type: regular summary: your desk neighbor has a habit of bothering you when he finishes his work – you finally have enough of it inspired by: @5lbsofsmarties​ (x) authors notes: i really didnt think my last trevor imagine was going to do as well as it did tbh so i hope u guys treat this one well too 💚🖤 also i know trevors the boss but iT WOULDNT HAVE WORKED THE WAY I WANTED TO WRITE IT OK IM SORRY other parts: none

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“Knock it off, Trevor,” you mumbled, keeping your eyes on the computer screen in front of you.

“But you’re not paying attention to anything I’m saying!” he whined, throwing another tiny wad of paper at you.

“Because I’m working,” you reminded him, “Maybe you should be working too.”

“But I’ve already finished editing all my videos!” he insisted, “And there’s no point in starting another 5 minutes before I leave for the day!”

“Then go pester someone else,” you growled. You quickly saved all your files before transferring them over to your USB stick, already knowing what was coming next.

Trevor was never one to take a hint, so he continued ripping up little pieces of paper, crumpling them up, and tossing them at your desk. His aim was usually pretty terrible, but he occasionally hit where he intended to – and in this case, his intended target happened to be your head.

The moment he hit your ear, you abruptly stood up, yanking your USB out of your computer, and turned off your system. You knew all eyes were on you – surprised the usually quiet person was making so much noise – as you shoved your chair under your desk.

“Someone please tell me Geoff is still in this building!” you exclaimed, grabbing your bag and jacket as you turned to face everyone.

“Uh… Yeah…” Matt nodded, “I’m pretty sure he’s still in the Achievement Hunter office…”

“Thank you,” you smiled sweetly at the group, “I’ll see you all later.” You hurried out of the room before anyone could ask any questions.

You entered the AH office, happy to find that Geoff was the only one in the room. You knocked on the door frame since the door was already open, causing him to look over his computer monitor as you walked in.

“We need to talk,” you stated, making him chuckle and look back at the screen in front of him while you came to a stop beside his desk.

“I’m guessing this isn’t a ‘Have a great rest of your day, Boss; I’ll see you on Monday’ kind of visit?” he asked.

“Not this time,” you couldn’t help but smile, “I’m taking next week off.” Geoff’s hands froze in the middle of typing something as he looked back up at you.

“Okay…” he trailed off, “Why…?”

“I need a sanity break,” you responded simply.

“And your videos?”

“Will still be edited – just at home,” you assured him, “I need to work on my content in the peace and quiet of my own place for a while.” A smile started appearing on Geoff’s face as he returned to his work.

“I told you you wouldn’t be able to handle being next to Trevor,” he mentioned.

“Then we can talk about station reassignment when I come back,” you said without missing a beat, making him laugh loudly.

“Enjoy your break from this building,” he told you, “Call me later if you need more time.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Geoffrey,” you sighed, turning around and leaving as you called another few words over your shoulder. “Have a great rest of your day, Boss!” you chirped, obviously making him laugh again.

~

Trevor’s POV; Thursday afternoon

“Hey, has anyone seen Y/N today?” Trevor asked as they were cleaning up after filming an AHWU, “Or at all this week…?”

“Didn’t she tell you?” Jeremy looked up at him so he could see the confused expression on his face, “She took the week off.”

“She took the whole week off? Why’d she take the week off?”

“Geoff said she called it a ‘sanity break’ or whatever,” Michael replied casually as he passed by to put a box on Ryan’s desk of things he’d gotten in the mail, “Something about you annoying the shit out of her.”

“Did… Did she say that…?” his expression dropped slightly.

“No,” Jack assured him, rolling his eyes at the phrasing Michael had used, “She just said she wanted to work in the peace and quiet of her own home.”

“So it was because I annoy the shit out of her?” he sighed, tossing another empty box into the recycling cart.

“I’m sure that’s not it, Treyco,” Jeremy said, “I’m sure she was just overwhelmed with how hectic the office can get sometimes and needed some time alone.”

“You mean how hectic our office can get sometimes and needed some time alone because of me,” Trevor corrected, making him sigh.

“If you feel that bad about it, why don’t you buy her flowers or something on Monday and leave ‘em on her desk?” he suggested.

“You can write on the card ‘Sorry I’m an annoying prick’,” Michael chimed in.

“You are not helping!” Trevor groaned.

“He’s still upset about the restaurant getting his order wrong three times at lunch,” Jack shook his head, “Just get her some flowers; She’ll love them.”

“Are you sure she’s a flower person?” he asked worriedly.

“Bring her some food too then,” Jeremy said, “That girl’s always eating.”

“Yeah…” he nodded slowly, mostly to himself.

The group finished cleaning up in silence, periodically looking up at Trevor and noticing he was still in his own little world. By the time they were done, he finally spoke again.

“Do you guys know where Geoff is?” he asked softly.

“Last I heard, he was in a meeting,” Jack said. Trevor let out a defeated breath, prompting him to speak up again, knowing he didn’t want to wait until you came back into work. “But we’ll let him know you went home sick and will try to be better by tomorrow,” he told him, making him look up at him.

“Thanks,” he smiled slightly, hurrying out of the room so he could get his stuff and leave.

~

Your POV; 30 minutes later

You were in the middle of watching a rerun of your favorite show when you heard a knock on your apartment door. You sighed to yourself, not particularly thrilled about having to unravel yourself from your blanket burrito to answer it. You did anyway, of course – not expecting to find who you did when you opened it.

“Shouldn’t you still be at work…?” you asked after looking at your clock, trailing off when you noticed the bouquet of different types of flowers in one of Trevor’s hands and a box of your favorite cookies in the other.

“I don’t mean to be so annoying,” he started rambling, looking down at his feet, “I just… You’re really funny and pretty and smart and I like talking to you and hearing you talk, but… But I don’t like knowing I annoy you enough to not want to come to work, so… I brought you the cookies that I’m pretty sure are your favorite because you’re always eating them while you edit and also flowers… I, uh… I didn’t know what your favorite flower was, so I just got one of each… I know you shouldn’t forgive me because you’ve been telling me to leave you alone for like…ever…and I haven’t been listening, but… I’m really sorry, Y/N.”

By the time Trevor’s speech was over, you honestly thought you were going to start crying. Sure, people had apologized for upsetting you before, but no one had ever gone to this much trouble just to make you happy. And truth be told, you weren’t exactly sure how to process it – but you figured you knew a good place to start.

“Do you want to come in?” you asked softly, making him sigh.

“Yes, please – I’m really cold,” he pouted, making you giggle as he shuffled past you to let you close the door.

Once you turned back to face him, he shyly handed you the flowers and cookies, his heart racing at the smile on your face as he followed you into the kitchen. He watched you fill a glass with water – no one had ever bought you flowers before, so you didn’t own any vases – and admire the unusual bouquet before returning back to him.

“They’re beautiful, Trevor,” you said softly, reaching up to press a kiss to the middle of his cheek, “Thank you.”

“Well, you know…” he blushed lightly, “Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl…” It was your turn to blush that time.

“You trying to sweet talk your way around this?” you asked.

“Is it working?” he returned bashfully.

“Maybe,” you began chewing on your bottom lip. You brushed the feelings off though, shaking your head. “You should sit down,” you told him, leading him back to the couch in your living room, “Warm up while I make some hot chocolate.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to-”

“Are you saying you don’t want hot chocolate?” you cocked an eyebrow.

Trevor was silent before he went around the corner – letting you listen to him take off his coat and sit himself down on your couch. You smiled victoriously, quickly making two mugs of hot chocolate – making sure to put extra marshmallows – and taking it into the living room.

“Thank you,” he murmured, groaning in satisfaction the moment the hot mug met his cold hands.

You giggled again under your breath, both of you remaining silent and watching what was already on your TV screen as you finished your drinks.

“You picked a good week not to come in, you know,” Trevor told you randomly, shivering as he rubbed his arms in an attempt to warm himself up, “It’s been really cold since like, Sunday.”

“Here, Trev,” you whispered, holding your blanket out to him, “You need this more than I do.”

“I agree,” he snatched it from you, smiling when you giggled. He wrapped it around himself before looking at you for a moment and then lifting his arm up. “Doesn’t mean we can’t both still use it though,” he mentioned. You, finding yourself growing a little chilly without your blanket, happily obliged to the offer.

You repositioned yourself slightly, scooting as close to him as you could get – both of you allowing the blanket and each other to keep you warm. Trevor’s arm came back down once you got comfortable, holding you securely against him. You sighed happily and Trevor felt you relax, your head now lying on his chest – and you felt him press his lips to the top of your head.

“I really am sorry,” he murmured into your hair.

“It’s okay,” you whispered again, wrapping your arms around his waist and closing your eyes in content.

Maybe the co-worker at the desk neighboring yours was annoying… But you wouldn’t trade him for anyone else.

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master list / master list for mobile users

you can also check out my last imagine here, my to do list to see what’s coming up, and click here to go to the page for my calum fic :)

[lizziebennet]

Order of favorite to least favorite Harry Potter movies and why? :)

i love getting questions like this!!! 

1. HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN 

this movie is the Official™ best harry potter movie. director alfonso cuaron (who would later go on to win a best director oscar for gravity) completely elevated the series from chris columbus’ movies that were obviously aimed towards children. cuaron took the source material seriously and gave us a well-crafted, well-directed, and pretty faithful harry potter movie. PoA isnt my fave book – not even close to my fave actually but this is both the best movie cinematically and the adaptation that is most enjoyable to watch over and over and over again. there are some sticky moments tho: dan’s acting in the infamous “HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!!!!” scene, the opening scene not making any sense .. at all…,  the character of dumbledore just… in general, the introduction of ron as a vehicle solely for comic relief, and the dropping of wizarding robes at hogwarts. listen, i can complain ab small things from every hp movie for HOURS but overall this movie is just FANTASTIC!! the score!!!!!!!!!! the only movie where they got harrys hair right!!!!! and definetly has the best ending of any harry potter movie. if u wanna know more ab why this movie is awesome check out this video essay which goes in depth about cuaron’s directoral style in this movie.

2. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

i feel like this is such an underrated hp movie tbh. goblet of fire is such an important book because it sets up the conflict for the rest of the series w voldemort’s return. and thats the main reason this movie gets my #2 spot tbh: the graveyard scene at the end of the movie. this movie isn’t perfect always, but the graveyard scene is a pivotal moment in the series and imo they hit it out of the park in this movie. they didn’t edit the scene to shorten it for time – they have harry and voldemorts first interaction be as tense and lengthy as it is in the books. the scene where voldemort comes out of the cauldron and rubs his head… it gives me chills every time. i think the dark parts of this movie is where it really shines – the opening with frank for example. it makes me SO happy that they opened the movie the same way they do in the book. they do a pretty good job w the character of moody and with showing harrys feelings of isolation and general angst. and yes, everyone has shitty hair in this movie but what can u do. i also take offense w the treatment of fleur in this movie… in fact whose idea was it to make beauxbatons an all female school? and durmstrang all male?? because that was a fucking dumb idea noah fence. another thing that i hate about this movie is the “conversation” between dumbledore and harry at the end of the movie – if you can even call it that. the talk they have in his office in the books is integral to the plot going forward and it is so shitty that they just had like a .2 second scene instead. actually, dumbledore is just horrible throughout this whole movie. another infamous moment w the “DIDYA PUT UR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE!?!??!?!” i remember that michael gambon (dumbledore) just refused to read the books ever and they completely missed the mark on dumbledore. i actually know of a lot of hp fans who hate this movie but i

3. HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE

i know this is a lot of people’s fave or second fave harry potter movie, but i just couldnt give it that #2 spot. its tough because hbp is my 2nd favorite book behind ootp and it means so much to me and there are just some things the movie royally fucks up that i cannot give it so much praise even though, overall it is a good movie. simply put: if i hadn’t read the books this might be my #1 or #2 movie. but alas i have so i get to judge it harshly. lets start out with what the movie does well: this movie does a gREAT job of being a coming-of-age film. we really get a sense of the characters growing up and being teens in this movie and its great and hilarious at some points. this movie also does the best job with the harry/dumbledore relationship. michael gambon stretches himself to be closer to the soft and omniscient dumbledore from the books. he doesnt exactly get there for me but its closer than in any other film with him. they do a good job with the pensive stuff and the introduction of horcruxes, and with the climax of dumledore’s death. the reemergence of quidditch is lovely. HOWEVER, this biggest most irksome thing that i just cannot get over in this movie is the fucking MESS that is harry and ginnys relationship. one of my absolute favorite parts of the book is their relationship – the way harry pines for her and the way they get together (”several sunlit days”!) and they just completely throw all of that in the trash along with ginny’s character. i also dont love how hermione is portrayed in this movie. the way they did her and ron’s relationship is just�� not great. in the books its so obvious that they belong together but in the movies its like theyre both just stupid. this movie does a fantastic job of balancing comedy – giving us some of the funniest scenes in an y harry potter movie – with the darkness and threat of voldemort. the way the did the whole sequence in the cave is great. the scene where the death eaters attack the burrow is stupid and unnecessary however. and while i think they do a great job like telling the story in this movie, they dont really go deeper into harrys psyche which is one of my favorite parts of the book – harry realizing and accepting his role as the savior of the wizarding world. the prophecy is kind of ignored in the movies which is … lame but we also miss out of some of my favorite book moments: harry understanding why his parents died and vowing to fight voldemort w his last breath, harry flipping out when he learns that snape is the one who overheard the prophecy, harry fighting scrimgeour. overall, this is a fun movie to watch and it isn’t half bad, but it couldve been so much more in my opinion. 

4. HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE

the original!!!!!!!!!! i rewatched this recently and this is ?? such a solid movie?? most of the credit for this being a good movie goes to jkr for writing a great book, but still they coudlve easily fucked up this movie and then there wouldn’t be a franchise!!!!! so i have to give it a lot of credit. it does a wonderful job of introducing us to the wizarding world, giving us our main characters, and giving us hOGWARTS. the pacing of the movie is great, the kids are soo soosososo cute in it i cant even stand it!!!!! the comedic beats hit, the emotional beats hit. the one beef i have with this movie is that they cast like 40 yr olds to be james and lily in the mirror of erised and they are not!!!!! that old !!!!!!! also they do a great job w effects considering when it was made. watching this movie is like being held by a warm blanket of childhood memories and i love it so much. 

5. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 

im sure some of you are surprised to see this movie so far down on my list but guess what this movie fucking infuriates me!!!!! let me just start by saying that the majority of this film is actually really good. but the small percentage of the movie that isnt good RUINS THE WHOLE THING FOR ME!!!!!! ill start with the good tho: the gringots sequences. badass. the cinematography in this movie is just like 5x better than most of the series so well done them. snape’s memories sequence is just like really fucking good okay ill give them that like the moment harry looks up after emerging from the pensive knowing he has to die GIVES ME CHILLS. voldemort killing harry in the forest. this is well shot and executed scene. harry being dead and talking w dumbledore is good too one of the only times michael gambon like acts so. the courtyard apocalypse scene. hermione’s “ill go with you”. while i object to this scene being in the movie that line is [gets choked up and cant continue]. like i said the majority of the movie is good, great even. BUT THEY FUCK UP SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS OF THE ENTIRE SERIES!!!!!!!!!! lets start slow: ariana dumbledore. bet u forgot she was in this movie. dont worry the writers did too. why did they make harry some kind of horcrux gps???? no???? WHY DOES HOGWARTS RANDOMLY HAVE A BOATHOUSE THAT WE’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE?? AND WHY DID SNAPE DIE THERE?? ron and hermiones kiss in the chamber of secrets was stupid and doesnt compare to the moment in the books. dont even get me stARTED on harry and ginny. THEM NOT MENTIONING THAT REMUS AND TONKS ARE MARRIED/HAVE A KID UNTIL LUPIN IS DEAD RIP. those things bother me but nothing compares to the fucking mess that is everything after harry comes back to life. good god its the fucking most important act in the entire series… and it is a complete disaster in my opinion. just so many?? horrible?? decisions?? starting with voldemorts speech after harry is “dead”.. why did he hug draco. why. also i dont get nevilles speech at all that was stupid. the reveal that harry was alive is stupid. the fact that they dont kill the snake and have it be like this ooo will they kill the snake in time thing is STUPID. voldemort wrapping harry up in his robes?????? why???? voldemort and harry jumping off a building together???? WHY???? voldemort and harry melding faces????? WHY?????!?!?!?!?!??!?! it just doesnt make any sort of logical sense and its not so exciting to watch. why wouldnt voldemort just KILL HARRY ANY OF THOSE TIMES??? iT DOESNT MAKE SENSE?? i fukcinNNGNNG hate it im sorry. and the final like showdown between them is just not as good as it is in the books??? like them circling each other in the great hall with everyone watching as dawn breaks >> them crawling through rubble outside on a bridge. also it REALLY FUCKING IRKS ME THAT VOLDEMORT LIKE DISINTEGRATES INTO PAPER WHEN HE DIES LIKE. that completely undoes a lot of what the books are saying and like lessens the impact of his death imo. the whole point is that he was trying to be like this immortal god but in the end he died just like everyone else he was HUMAN. they also do that w bellatrix like when molly kills her she like ?? explodes?? it just lessens their deaths i think. and the lack of closure with the elder wand like harry just fucking throwing it into the distance is DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugg ugg ugg. i know my expectations were high and i know its a tough task to finish the series buT they really let me down with the FUCKING CLIMAX OF THE SERIES. like guys it was epic enough in the books u dont need to add this nonsense!!! jfc!!!!

6. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1   

noah fence this movie is just really unenjoyable to watch. its a tough movie to make bc its like 95% just setting up for what happens in part two, but i think they def couldve done a wayyy better job in some areas. one of the great things ab deathly hallows the book is harrys psyche and how angry he is with dumbledore, how he is trying to figure out these clues, his desperation, his fascination with the hallows etc. they really underplayed harrys anger with dumbledore imo giving it just one or two scenes and a handful of moments when i think it couldve been such an interesting emotional core of the movie. they do a good job showing the war and having it be like war movie and being isolated. but they struggle with pace in this one a LOT. however two sequences really stand out to me as Good: 1. bathilda bagshot’s house. in the theater the snake was TERRIFYING waiting for it to jump out that was a good action sequence. 2. the tale of the three brothers. beautiful animation. the ron/hermione conflict with couldve been another emotional center of the movie is glossed over in my opinion (maybe this has something to do w the fact that emma watson can not act like she is enraged???). overall meh tho. i dont go to rewatch this one very often. 

7. HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS

this movie is………….. not great. again it relies totally and completely on jkrs work for any of the good parts of this movie and considering that this may be my least favorite book well…. the camera work in this movie is just bad honestly like they just plop the camera in one spot and film the scene???? gilderoy lockhart is HILARIOUS in this movie however a real gem. there are some good sequences and i love this movie but there are also lots and lots of cringey moments. 

8. HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX 

i debated whether i hate this movie or CoS more but ultimately decided on this one because this movie makes me so angry and CoS is just like moderately not great. [deep breath] ok guys heres the thing: OOTP is my favorite harry potter book. and this movie takes exactly zero (0) of my favorite things about the book and does them in the film. the tone of this movie is angst and suffering but not even in a good way. i love LOVE the angst in the book because it is justified it is raw it is harry working through his feelings and being attacked from every side. the movie just communicates…. sad. theyre just like “oh lets uh have this be blue toned… nice.” they do not go deeper than the plot of OOTP, just the events that happen. they dont get into the story, the message, the POINT OF THE BOOK!!!!!!!!! were they afraid to have people yell in this movie??? like ??? they have mrs figg be soft spoken and just like murmur to harry and uncle vernon and aunt petunia dont really go in at harry like its all very tame?? and then THEY MISS OUT ON HARRY DRAGGING RON AND HERMIONE SO HARD WHEN HE GETS TO THE BURROW!!!!! an iconique scene that instead harry just like says some stuff passive aggressively and then fred and george come and are like “we thought we heard u yelling harry” like how??? he was just speaking at a normal voice??? the movie skips out on the fascinating moments with the order at grimmold place and with ginny and the weasleys to instead give us sirius naked in some weird room at the train station and harry dreaming about voldemort in a suit??? why????????? generally they do a good job with the umbridge stuff but again fail to communicate the deeper meaning of what the fuck is happening like the mINISTRY OF MAGIC IS DENYING THIS!! and what does that do to harry?? and his angst?? some of the stuff with the DA is good but some of it is… not. this movie really fails when they try to incorporate comic relief. it doesnt land great and it just makes me think about how much time we are wasting on this when we could be doing other things. FOR EXAMPLE GRAWP????? GRAWP.  i hate the dumbledore stuff in this movie. like. their relationship isnt set up enough in the previous movies to understand how hurt harry is by dumbledore. instead we get like half-assed scenes like when harry just like calls “sir” to dumbledore but he walks away fast like. really?? THE WAY THEY DID SNAPES’ WORST MEMORY [SCREAMS FOR 1200 YEARS]. LAZY! AS! SHIT! GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD WHAT A NIGHTMARE WHAT A TOTAL DISASTER MY GOODDDddddddd AND THEN ITS LIKE NEVER EVEN ADDRESSED AGAIN???? JESUS CHRIST I SWEAR TO GOD THIS MOVIE IS A MESS. the break into the ministry is okay… its starts the david yates trend of like not saying spells while ur dueling and just having like bright lights come from ur wand which i HATE and also the stupid trend of death eaters apparating with black smoke which i HATE. i have mixed feelings about “nice one james.” sirius’s death is GOOD like the way they have it silent with harry like screaming i like that they did a good job a+. however dumledore and voldemorts fight is……….. strange and just not as good as in the books. also when voldemort possesses harry and harry like has a chat w him?? DUMB. and that leads me to the greatest sin of all…… the reason this movie gets the last ranking… THE LACK OF HARRY AND DUMBLEDORE’S TALK AFTER SIRIUS’S DEATH. my absolute favorite moment in the books. unparalleled. some of the best writing i have ever seen in my life. JUST COMPLETELY GONE. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY MENTION LIKE THE PROPHECY IN THE MOST FUCKING LAZY WAY EVER IN LIKE HALF OF A SCENE THAT LASTS 1 MINUTE. AND JUST SHOW SOME LAME ASS NEWSPAPER MONTAGE WHICH IS SOOOOOO LAZYYY OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDDD. we get NO emotional resolution for harry and dumbledore. we get NO resolution for harry and sirius. its like these events that happen have ZERO consequences. THE PROPHECY!!!! THAT IS THE CENTRAL PART OF THE STORY MY GOD!!! harry finds out he is THE CHOSEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST CUT OUT OF THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT NO WE NEED A SCENE WHERE FILCH GETS BOILS!!!!!!!!! like harry after sirius’s death is so critical like him asking nick if sirius can come back…. harry smashing the mirror… you get none of that emotional depth, that grieving. the ending of the movie is also stupid. also why tf is harry wearing a BLAZER????? god i hate this movie. 

i swear i did not mean for this to get so long but once i start talking about harry potter i CANNOT shut up im so sorry and thanks for asking babe

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 He just saw Brian’s scar ‘HE HURT MY BOY! MY BOY IS HURT! HOW FUCKING DARE HE THAT MONSTER! YOUR STUPID BOYFRIEND HURT HIM!‘ Ethan is leaving and this man is now sitting and bouncing up and down ‘he’s leaving! He’s leaving! and please stay gone! HE NAMED HIS UKULELE?! just for that alone id break up with him. (Justin says Ethan will be back tomorrow) not if i have a say in it! WHY IS JUSTIN DUMBING HIMSELF DOWN FOR THIS DUDE? He just called himself an idiot because he didn’t know a quote or whatever. HEY! 1500 SAT! YOU GOT INTO DARTMOUTH! and you’re dumbing yourself down for the knock off version of Shaggy? Have some respect for yourself AND ME. (Ethan says you will be and shows his ring) I actually puked in my own mouth right now’ ‘BRIAN COME ON WHY WOULD YOU WORK WITH THIS HOMOPHOBIC PIECE OF SHIT?! Oh this dude for sure has a gay crush on Brian. I mean same but I’m better. BRIAN COME ON!’ WE ARE AT THE CONCERT SCENE! ‘Oh god here he go again, i cant esca- WHY ARE WE CLAPPING HIM? No stop that! You dont know him! You dont clap for terrible people! BLONDIE! BLONDIE IS THERE! HE SURPRIS-WHO IS THAT?…did you see how he looked back? OH HE IS CHEATING ISNT HE?! AND THE SAD VIOLIN MUSIC? OH FUCK YOU IF THIS IS THE CASE! PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT! JUSTIN BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!’ Ted just got arrested ‘WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? What the fuck? This is..what even? See! If you had stayed an accountant, we wouldnt be in this mess!..what’s that noise? Oh Benny Boy is puk- CAN YOU DO ANYTHING? MICHAEL HOW..lets me calm down so i dont say something rude…he has the spine of a gummy bear. He is a DRUG ADDICT! Why is he acting like he has the flu? Why does he keep throwing HIV into peoples faces? Dude, i get that he’s sick and this was before now so it’s different and scary but COME ON? At this point someone should smack him and tell him to get over himself..and i am willing to make the sacrifice to volunteer..i know what Ben is saying is serious but all i can think about is Brian saying that self pity makes his dick soft’ And we are finally at the Britin scene again ‘i really hate that ring. SEE BLONDIE! You miss the bars and the clubs! This *waves at him* pretentious behavior is not you. Wait i forgot he saw that fucker leave with that other fucker! Oh blondie, its gonna be okay, i know JUST the man who can mend that heart! (Camera shows Brian) *screams like a crazy person and pauses tv* AHHHH THERE HE IS!! LOOK AT HOW HES LOOKING AT HIM! He is trying so hard to pretend like he doesnt care (Brian watches Justin and then like closes his eyes for a second longer) *literally pulls his hair* AHHHHH FUCKING HELL! LOOK AT THAT! HE HAD TO CLOSE HIS EYES TO FORCE HIMSELF! He is so in love and still hurt and he wants to go to him but he also doesnt but he cant stay away. He didnt need to sit next to hi- YES BUY HIM ANOTHER ONE- NO THANKS?! JUSTIN WHY DO YOU FUCKING HATE ME SO MUCH? (Brian asks where’s your fiancé) RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF HIM IF YALL WOULD JUST FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND STOP FUCKING PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF! (Justin answers and it shows Brian and he once again pauses tv and rewinds it) DID YOU SEE HOW HE CLOSES HIS EYES FOR A QUICK SECOND AGAIN?! DID YOU SEE THAT! HE HAD TO LITERALLY PULL HIMSELF TOGETHER FOR A SECOND! DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT! HE BLINK BLINK BLINK AND THEN CLOSES HIS EYES FOR A SECOND LONGER CAUSE THAT ANSWER HURT! (Brian points to the ring) seriously can we get rid of it- WHY ARE YOU LEAVING BRIAN! NO! COME BACK!!!…does that mean they broke up? Please say yes. I am begging you please say ye-ohhh cool trick’ Just so you know, he burned himself 3 times because he wanted to try to lit up a match the way Justin does it in the end of the ep.

Oh this dude for sure has a gay crush on Brian. I mean same but I’m better. I snorted so hard at this!

AHHHH THERE HE IS!! LOOK AT HOW HES LOOKING AT HIM! He is trying so hard to pretend like he doesnt care (Brian watches Justin and then like closes his eyes for a second longer) *literally pulls his hair* AHHHHH FUCKING HELL! LOOK AT THAT! HE HAD TO CLOSE HIS EYES TO FORCE HIMSELF! He is so in love and still hurt and he wants to go to him but he also doesnt but he cant stay away.

Your brother is alllll of us analyzing everything. Also he's right.

Just so you know, he burned himself 3 times because he wanted to try to lit up a match the way Justin does it in the end of the ep. I DIED AT THIS.