#okay but this has the potential to be one of the best metal albums of the past few years

[damiansgoodgirll]

So girl, I’ve seen Beyonce is your favourite singer and she’s my favourite singer so could you please write Reader where she is a huge fan and she’s part of the judgment day and more like Rhea and Damian, she reacts to the album with them and they can’t understand like the hype or something like that because they are not into that genre and like reader has some crazy reaction.

Please it would be so fun! Thank you so my queen 🐝❤️

please, i always imagined what would their reactions be to beyonce or singers they don’t listen to lol, i’m so happy to make this request!

notes : i love rock music and metal too! i just needed to make reader a beyhive and make her hating metal music (please forgive me), also listen to this masterpiece thank you!

damian priest x reader x rhea ripley (PLATONIC)

cowboys

you always loved sharing car rides and hotel rooms with your teammates, especially damian and rhea. they were the first people to ask you to join them in the judgment day, seeing your potential in nxt and being barely twenty one, they wanted to give you a bigger opportunity and so they took you under their protective wing.

finn and dom were nice too, they helped you growing in your skills in the past year and they all took a liking in you but you had a bigger connection with rhea and damian.

they always pushed you, making you reach goals you thought were impossible and you couldn’t thank them enough.

there was one thing you didn’t like about them.

their favourite type of music.

rock. metal. punk. whatever they were listening to. you just couldn’t handle it. there was just one rock song you liked and it was beyoncé’s “don’t hurt yourself” rock song.

so long car rides with them were always a torture. you tried to make conversation most of the time but when it was a 7 hour ride, eventually you would finish topics and so you had to listen to them singing or more - screaming - to their songs.

they usually let you choose one or two songs, but that was it. and everytime you would choose rihanna or beyonce they would take over it.

finn once told you that metal heads only cared about their favourite music. the rest was trash for them. you didn’t believe him at first, thinking he was only overreacting but in this year you realised how right he was.

it’s like they were allergic to beyonce.

but tonight, oh, tonight it was going to be your night.

you were currently in the same hotel room as they were as rhea wanted to share a room with you all. you knew what was coming at midnight and so you asked multiple times to have a separate room from them, you didn’t give them explanations but rhea wasn’t having it.

so, a huge bedroom with two kings sized bed - one for damian and the other one for rhea and you - and a huge tv with all the apps you needed, spotify included was what you got.

the shock came when the track list dropped a day prior, letting you know that there were going to be 27 songs.

they can barely handle one song, how were they going to react to 27 songs?

you still didn’t ask them, as whatever band rhea was playing on spotify - probably motionless in white - were blasting in the room and you were currently fidgeting with your fingers.

the best guess was probably that they would leave you alone for two hours or so. maybe going at the gym or somewhere else. the worst guess was that they probably would laugh at you and telling you no. that would be the worst because you had been waiting for this album since the announcement day and you were already excited at the thought of a new beyonce album.

fifteen minutes to the album drop and you were already imagining yourself leaving the room to go somewhere else to listen to the album.

“guys!” you called for their attention. you were sitting on the bed next to rhea and damian, who were playing some cards game.

“you okay?” rhea asked and you nodded.

“i have something to ask you…”

“go on” rhea’s curios faced looked at you. rhea always liked the way you got shy around them, even if you had been with them for the past year. she kinda knew what you were going to ask, as you had been fangirling about the album with bianca belair for the past two weeks but still, she wanted to hear you asking them. deep down she knew she couldn’t say no to you.

damian, on the other hand, had no idea and he probably was going to have a heart attack at your request.

“so…i have a request…and for once i would like - uhm…i would like that you would consider my feelings” you struggled at first making rhea slightly chuckle.

“did we do something?” damian’s worried expression looked at you.

“no no no, you didn’t do anything to me…uhm…it came out wrong” you said “so, uhm…i don’t know if you know, probably not, but beyoncé’s new album drops in like ten minutes now and - uhm…since we’ve been listening to metal music all day long and i haven’t complained once - i would like to ask you if you could let me listen the album here? like, i know it’s not your type of music but i would really love to listen it here and not going like in the gym or somewhere else…since we have spotify and stuff…” you asked.

rhea was smirking and damian was very much confused.

“that’s it?” rhea asked and you nodded.

“why were you so scared to ask us that?” damian asked you this time.

“i wasn’t scared…”

“yes you were” he pointed out. he kinda felt bad that you had to ask them such a simple thing. yes, he knew beyonce wasn’t his music but he couldn’t see why it was a thing to ask.

“so?” rhea asked “you kinda looked scared”

“it’s not that. it’s just i know it’s not your type of music and you always act dramatic when finn or i ask if we can listen to something else so i thought it was going to be a problem for you”

“we always let you put your songs on” damian said.

“yes, and then you and rhea talk over it”

“oh” he said “i didn’t mean to do that i promise”

“okay…” you smiled “so you really are going to listen beyonce with me?”

“yeah, i mean, i don’t think 13 or 14 songs could hurt us” rhea joked and damian laughed too.

“actually…it’s 27 songs”

“what!?” the both screamed, making you chuckle.

“you still have five minutes to back up because the album is about to drop” you said as you were searching beyonce on spotify.

you observed the way rhea and damian looked at each others. definitely not ready for the outcome. but rhea couldn’t help but notice how excited you were about the album, and how you were happy with it. just a small thing that made you the happiest she ever saw you.

“here we go!” you almost screamed jumping back on the bed, sat between rhea and damian as you were about to press play when you saw the album popping up on her spotify home “are you ready?”

“wait…is it a country album?” damian asked and you nodded.

“you should have gave us a little more of infos about what kind of death we have to die…” rhea added a little dramatic, making you laugh.

“oh shut up! it’s gonna be great!” you said pressing play.

you were in tears after the first minute of ameriican requiem and now damian and rhea thought you were the dramatic one.

it got worse when beyoncé’s cover of jolene started as you always loved that song growing up.

“so she stealing songs?” damian murmured, earning a side look from rhea and punch in his stomach from you “okay i apologise”

the death of you was when daughter started, you knew beyonce was capable of anything but opera? the italian part? you were a crying mess, and even though neither of them were understanding the hype around beyonce, they couldn’t deny she was a great artist.

they were a little shocked when they saw you crying over her songs and they didn’t know what to do. if they should console you or letting you cry in peace.

“oh she’s doing it again!” you screamed when spaghetti started.

“doing what?” rhea whispered never getting a reply back.

you were crying and then you were not.

they felt like they were babysitting a baby.

damian was trying to stay awake just for you and rhea was kinda amused by the reactions you were having to her songs.

ya ya made you start jumping on the bed, tyrant made you feel like you were a porn star and ii hand ii heaven made you cry all over again.

one hour and a half later the album was over and you couldn’t believe the masterpiece beyonce just dropped.

“so?” you asked them, noticing their confused looks “did you like it?”

they knew they couldn’t say no because you looked too happy and they didn’t want to ruin your mood but they couldn’t say yes because - country? - definitely not their genre.

“i gave up after the jolene cover” damian joked, earning another side look from rhea “joking joking…it was interesting”

“rhea?” you turned to her and now she was speechless.

“uhm…yeah, it was an experience” she smiled at you, making you smile too.

you were happy with their reactions so you went all to bed.

two days later

another car ride. another show. another hotel room to be shared with damian and rhea.

you hit the shower first, tired of the trip you just had, you wanted to relax a bit before going to bed.

“your body laid out on these filthy floors

your bloodstains on my custom coutures

bathroom attendant let me right in

she was a big fan”

came from the bedroom. except it wasn’t spotify.

“they keep saying that i ain’t nothing like my father

but i’m the furthest thing from choir boys and altars

if you cross me i’m just like my father

i am colder than titanic water”

you heard damian singing.

he was singing beyonce. the opera song. they really thought you couldn’t hear them so they kept singing or more like, whispering, but you would catch a someone singing a beyonce song even in the loudest crowd.

rhea joining him too was something else.

you really couldn’t believe that but you pretended nothing happened because you knew you would have ruined their egos.

damian and rhea singing beyonce?

no one would believe that.

but you did.

and that was enough for you.

[writingmia]

Okay I just had an idea and I *had* to share it. I don't even ship Valgrace but this was too good not to think about. A Leo Valdez/Jason Grace 'Red, White & Royal Blue' AU.

Note: English isn't my first language, so please keep that in mind

Leo Valdez, who is half-Mexican, the son of the first American Latina female President, the one and only goddess amongst women, Esperanza Valdez. Leo, who always wanted to fix things and decided to follow his mother's footsteps in politics as a way to solve the issues he sees in his country. Leo, whom the public loves because of his sense of humour, quick wit and charm, who becomes America's sweetheart almost immediately when the elections first started.

And then you have Jason Grace, who has been born into the Royal Family and has had those duties and expectations on his shoulders from such a young age. Jason, who knows he will become a leader at some point, because his older sister, Thalia, is a rebel who refuses to conform to his family's expectations and ran away and abdicated the second she could. Jason, who is loved by his people, who is the white boy of the month every other month.

Zeus is the king, because of course he is. His Majesty, who doesn't really approve of the USA's election of Esperanza, because he sees her as lesser.

Leo and Jason who start off at the wrong foot because of something Jason unintentionally said, something that was his father's opinion and, of course, it was offensive to Leo, who immediately figured that Jason was a racist, privileged white guy who couldn't see past the tip of his nose.

Jason who's the one wearing glasses when he's at Kingston Palace and Leo who's caught off-guard by how casual he looks with them, how relaxed, not like the heir to an entire empire with a history of blood and slavery.

Leo, whose best friend is Piper McLean, the daughter of Tristan McLean, whose gaydar is immaculate and she's the one to open Leo's eyes that maybe Jason is gay, but isn't allowed to show it.

Jason, whose best friends are Percy Jackson and Nico di Angelo, who also happen to be his cousins on his dad's side (yes, it's pathetic that his best friends are his cousins but he didn't really get many chances to be social growing up, okay?!), who are both incredibly chaotic in their own ways. Percy, who immediately gets along with Leo and the two exchange sassy comments and send each other memes constantly. Nico, who knew Leo was bi before Leo himself knew, and fed into Jason's delusions until he had the balls to kiss Leo on his famed New Year's Party.

Thalia, who would be in the picture occasionally, but is mostly busy touring the US with her rock/metal band called 'The Hunters', whose first album was inspired by Greek Mythology and specifically the myths surrounding Artemis, which is so what they titled their debut album.

Annabeth, who is Piper and Leo's genius best friend and the only keeper of the singular braincell in their trio, who has been wanting to become the youngest woman to ever hold a Senate seat ever. Percy, who is completely enamoured by her the second he sees her and the two start their own romance on the side.

I'm obsessed with this idea, I think it has so much potential.

I wrote that very quickly and I've barely proof-read it, but I just felt like the idea had to get out of my head because it deserves to be shared with the fandom. If someone wants to continue developing this, I would love to read more. If someone has alr written something like this and I'm not the first genius to think of it, please let me know!

- mia

[floatingcatacombs]

annual music post?

12 Days of Aniblogging 2023, Day 6

Well, it could’ve been worse.

I’m still suffering from pretty much every health problem I complained about last year. I can’t breathe right, my stomach and gut have been a constant source of pain and discomfort, and we’re not talking about my bathroom situation. But nothing new has emerged, we've continued to eliminate plenty of potential causes, and I’ve had pockets of relief from various meds and exercises I’ve tried. Don’t get me wrong, my body is still the biggest contributor to misery in my life by far, and I would be out of job and insurance by now if I was just a little less lucky. But I’m still here, and I don’t plan on just withering away. One day this nightmare will be over. Probably! It’s really bad for me to think about the world where I just have to contend with this for the rest of my life, so I’ll stop doing that right now.

Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to much music as it came out this year, only keeping up with 100 Gecs, King Gizzard, and Tennis, whose new albums were all pretty good. Otherwise, I’ve been going through plenty of acclaimed 80’s British post-punk and rock, which means I’m slowly turning into my father, and no way in hell am I documenting that here.

I’ll probably have a more realized post next year. So in the meantime just go listen to Light Bringer instead, okay? They weren’t reflected on my spotify wrapped or anything because they’re not on streaming services, but their 2013 album Scenes of Infinity was the actual best thing I listened to this year. I’m such a sucker for symphonic power metal already, and throwing prog into the mix makes Light Bringer the ultimate cheese. Female vocalists in Japanese metal often have a singing style I’m not fond of that’s very affected and cutesy and reminiscent of idol pop, so it’s great to hear Fuki just fucking belting instead. The fifth song on Scenes of Infinity is like if Dream Theater or Seventh Wonder were great instead of good with a gigantic asterisk. I’ll even link a youtube upload. Post’s over, go do your homework.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Nothing More - Carnal

Hard-rock band Nothing More has been around for the last 20 years, and even after their breakout in 2014 with their self-titled album, they still haven’t gotten to the degree of popularity they’ve acted like they’re entitled to. I’ve gone on record over the years and said that I don’t like this band, whether it’s due to that arrogance and entitlement they’ve always had, their pretentious lyricism where they act like they’re saying something more profound than they really are, and their really bland blend of hard-rock, djent, and progressive-rock/metal, which always placed being “progressive” over writing actually catchy and accessible songs. They’ve always been a pain in my ass, hence why I haven’t listened to them in about seven years. They put out a few more albums in that time, and they just put out a new album, entitled Carnal. I thought I would listen to it out of curiosity, because it’s been almost a decade since I’ve listened to them, so I wondered if these guys have changed at all. I always thought, underneath their pretentious exterior, there was a band somewhere in there that could have potential.

Nothing More has changed since the last time I listened to them, but I don’t know if it’s a good thing. I hate to say it, because I was hoping to enjoy this a lot, but Carnal is one of the worst albums I’ve heard this year. However, it’s not totally for the reasons you might think. The unfortunate thing is that this album starts off somewhat well, and I was somewhat surprised by the first third of this album, at least where the band has clearly morphed into a more straightforward alt-metal and pop-metal band, despite throwing in some djenty riffs now and again. It’s nothing special, but fans of BMTH, Five Finger Death Punch, and Disturbed should enjoy this a lot, for better or worse. Hell, David Draiman makes an appearance on this album, and on a better album, his appearance would be the worst thing on it, but it gets much worse, folks. The first third of this record is okay at best, but the album randomly starts throwing out some spoken-word samples for about four songs out of the next nine, and the samples are some of the most unnecessary and pretentious things I’ve heard.

You know the band was smiling in such a smug way after finishing the record, because they felt like they said something so profound, but these samples offer nothing interesting or worthwhile. They aren’t saying anything important, or anything that I can discern. It’s just a bunch of nonsense to inflate their egos, especially when the lyrics themselves have nothing to do with those samples. The samples irritate me even more when the album is 46 minutes, with fifteen songs, and this album feels so long, even without those samples, it just adds unnecessary bloat to it. The only thing worthwhile of this album is their vocalist, and because their sound moves into a more accessible pop-metal sound, the hooks are a bit stronger and more digestible.

The thing is, they’re nothing special, and even though I enjoy the first third of this record, it’s nothing more than solid enough. There are a few solid tracks throughout the rest of the album, but they’re hard to find. I wouldn’t even say anything here is really all that great, because I have no desire to listen to this again, especially with the samples that don’t add anything to the album and drag it further down than it already was. I suppose this is worth hearing if you love Five Finger Death Punch, and you want to listen to music that feels more important than it really is, but I hated this. The sad part is that this album is the “best” thing I’ve heard from them, and if the samples weren’t there, I’d say this is tolerable and decent at best, but those samples are so unnecessary and show me that they haven’t completely changed.

[stellarsalad]

An Amateur Pop Music Historian's Top 15 Hit Songs Of Literally 1984: The List (Part Two)

Victory! It worked! And here, without further ado, is the rest of the list.

7: Joanna by Kool & The Gang (at 24). I'd like to thank the excellent mashup You Reposted In The Wrong Neighborhood for introducing me to this lovely song. Favorite part: Despite how good a musical Sweeney Todd is, this is better than all the songs in it of the same name.

6: Jump by Van Halen (at 6). Van Halen is, if I'm not mistaken, the first hair metal band. They are also by far the best. My favorite part... is, well, how epic this song sounds, and how well every part of it works! Okay, maybe not the lyrics, but who cares when the synths go as hard as they do here?

5: That's All by Genesis (at 52). This is the song that introduced me to Genesis, and I am so thankful for that. It's not my favorite song off their self-titled album (that honor goes to Home By The Sea) but this is still damn good. Favorite part: How great Tony Banks's keys sound on the song. He owns this song.

4: Magic by the Cars (at 97). This is my very favorite Cars song. You Might Think goes at a 10, and Magic's choice to stay at an 8 just lets every part of it SHINE more. My favorite part: Despite 'it's magic when I'm with you' becoming such a pop songwriting cliche, it works for me here, because my god, the Cars are so talented.

3: Wrapped Around Your Finger by the Police (at 85). And this is my very favorite Police song. The lyrics are surprisingly dark, but in a really intriguing way that makes wondering what the song is about fun. But... my favorite part of the song, I think, has to be how the song is emotionally resonant for love, or anger, or sadness, and I don't know if any other song can match all those extremes that well.

2: Dancing In The Dark by Bruce Springsteen (at 14). Bruce Springsteen, like Prince, is one of one and one of the best songwriters across all of music. And this is the song that introduced me to his work. It's a prominent high point on Born In The U.S.A., and my favorite part... I think has to be the fanfic title potential in the lyrics. Come on! It's so untapped!

And... yeah, I think this also holds the title of my favorite song of the year. Number one is...

1: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper (at 17). 

I think my favorite part about this song is... everything. But I will especially remember where I first heard it, as I was headed homeward after an amazing month-long train trip around the US, aboard the last train home.

And the funny thing is, if I made a list for 1986, Cyndi Lauper and True Colors would be at number one there too. Thank you to greatest-show-ever Amphibia and its heartbreakingly good S2 finale of the same name for introducing me to it.

I enjoy listening to music alone, and so many songs are perfect for that mood. But Time After Time is one of a select few songs that make me feel less alone. 

So thank you, Ms. Lauper and your song, for that. And here's to 1984, an all-time great year for music, I think. I hope more will be as good - if not recent years, then years to come.

[stopeatingwhales]

the 1995 brits (pt. 2) x damon albarn & liam gallagher

ok this has nothing to do with the brits bc now its about glastonbury 1995 i just didn't know whether i should rename it lmaoo okay enjoy x

Pairing: 1995 damon albarn & liam gallagher x reader

Warnings: none at all

Word count: 2.495

part one

༉‧₊˚✧

The Glastonbury festival was always one of the best gatherings for music every year. All the best acts in the music would all be invited to perform, and it was amazing. It formed a unity, a connection between the fans and the artists, the creators and the consumers, morphing an atmosphere which only gentrified the solidarity and wholeness the nation felt when they all held adoration to the same album, same songs, singing the choruses from their hearts, with their whole being. It was a spiritual connection with the audience; you weren’t singing to them, you were singing with them. Nothing got as good as Glastonbury - a concert size any larger you would begin to feel detached with the audience - and boy was it a good feeling to be invited this year. Our band had blown up massively, and to be able to perform on the main stage, celebrating the summer and the true joys that music is able to provide and attain, is more than just doing your part. It’s a humbling experience; the lyrics that may have seemingly been written down as a daft thought on the back of a napkin whilst you were sitting having a coffee, relaxing in the tedious cycle that is life, being chanted back to you, shows the true connection those can have with simple melodies and lyrics. Once it’s released in any format, the music, the lyrics, the melodies, they aren’t yours; just as a book, once released, is not the authors’ anymore. It possesses the ownership of the public, that who purchases it, wears it out, listens to the songs back to back to memorise every single lyric and adlib. The songs become the nation's songs, they become the mere link to a dozen memories of each and every person, which they would take to their grave, remembering the good times, and potentially the bad. The true power of music is that it forms a connection - not just with the artist, but with yourself. You can relate to whatever has been said, you can understand yourself just that bit more which allows you to grow as a person, and mature and better into the person that you were set out to be.

I was standing backstage, currently watching the performance lead by Blur, trying to hide from any form of authority who would know that I wasn’t supposed to be back here yet. My band was on in a few hours, so I wasn’t permitted backstage, the only people allowed being the group that was on next. As I admired the performance being put on by Damon and the rest of the band, mumbling lyrics every now and again of songs that I had known from their albums, I felt an arm snake its way around my waist, the grip of the person’s palm squeezing my hip slightly. “Now how come I haven’t seen your pretty face in a while?” said Liam, who was grinning at me widely.

Since the Brit awards, I forced myself to stop partying as much as I used to, due to the addiction that had been stemming from my consistent use of drugs and alcohol. It began to take its toll on me entirely, and I hated the lifestyle that I had started to inhabit. Sex, booze, drugs... they all seem so wonderful, and seem to be fundamental elements that could provide an enjoyable time, don't they? But with repetitive use of such recreational activities, it would not only initiate the worst hangovers, but would also form a pit of longing in the body, endured with your attempt to fill it up with all the illegal pharmaceuticals to make you feel whole again, but of course, the happiness only lasts for a short while before you’re passed out on a couch, waking up at 5 in the afternoon with a raging headache and the only access to pain medication being a five minute walk to the nearest corner shop because you had finished it all. And to your surprise, the pit only got more deep and paining. It was ironic; the drugs designed for jubilation, euphoria, fulfillment, started to make me feel worse than I had already done previously. “I’ve just been caught up with working on the new album, so I’ve been too focused on that to be going out like I used to,” I replied, a grin masked over my lips. It was far from a lie; my band were currently working on our third album, and it had been quite an interesting experience as we were reinventing our sound, though wasn’t the main reason I had avoided all clubs in sight. “You miss me?”

“Course I do, you’re the only girl I know that’ll go as hard as the rest of the lads,” a frown painted over his face as he looked down on me. “It’s hot, y’know.”

I scoffed, my smile still evident on my face. “Oh Liam, you’re going to make me blush!” I joked, placing my arm around his waist. We both carried on watching the performance being led by Damon, who currently had the crowd screaming over the top of their heads at Girls and Boys. Oasis were on after - even these concerts were chipping in on the mess of their feud. “You nervous?”

“Me? Nervous? Never.” Liam replied, snarling at my question.

“Really?” I asked, diverting my stare to look up at Liam, my eyebrows raised in a sarcastic manner. Even though it wasn’t evident from his facial expression, everybody would be nervous. Especially if you were performing on the main stage in a few minutes.

“Okay, maybe a little bit.” He mumbled, staring at Damon with a look of disgust on his face.

“Knew it,” I grinned, allowing my hand to run up and down his back as a form of comfort to soothe his nerves. The tight grip he kept consistent on my waist proved that he felt tense. “You’ll be amazing, you always are.”

“You hitting on me?” he quickly fired back, cocking his head to the side as he admired me, his gaze flicking to my lips every now and again.

“Of course I am.” I sarcastically replied, rolling my eyes at Liam’s child-like characteristics. By now Blur had finished their set, leaving the crowd screaming and waving things in the air as a form of goodbye. Me and Liam stayed put in our place as the four boys waltzed off the stage, me congratulating them as they walked off one by one. Damon was the last to walk off, and as he began strolling off the stage proudly, our eyes connected, causing me to dart my stare away from his robust glare that had reflected off of his orbs. Knowing of his distaste in Liam, I brushed it off immediately, remembering the pettiness of their argument the last time we had all been together at the Brits. I heard Liam utter some profanity under his breath after Damon walked past us, but I chose not to question him on it, full-well knowing it was either wanker or cunt.

When the rest of the band turned up and Oasis were on cue to go on, Liam quickly detached himself from our embrace, pressing his lips to my cheek, grinning at me widely. “Don’t miss me too much!” he shouted as he walked onto the stage, causing the crowd to erupt into a fit from the mere sight of the band getting themselves ready - Liam just standing there cooly, picking up the tambourine left on the floor for him. I marvelled at the band as they began their set, instantly grinning as soon as Liam began singing the lyrics to Rock n Roll star. Let’s hope he’s not walking off stage this time.

I continued to concentrate on their performance, oftentimes laughing as the crowd progressively got more and more rowdy, screaming the lyrics as Liam sang them, as if Noel’s backing vocals weren’t enough to keep the song going to its full potential. “I wonder when you’re going to realise that you like me.” I heard a voice mutter from behind, causing me to abruptly turn my head, even though I knew exactly who it was. My eyes were greeted with the sight of Damon, a small smirk illustrated on his lips as he glued his eyes on mine - just like he had done before when he walked past me and Liam.

“I’m sorry?” I scoffed, raising my eyebrows at his clearly egotistical assumption, though I couldn’t help but resist a smile to contract on my cheeks as I gazed at him. Much like me and Liam, we also hadn’t spoken since the Brit awards, and it would’ve been a lie if I hadn’t wanted to talk to him again. Despite the fact that there was a certain tension between us that, from each meeting, seemed to intensify, and was something we were both clearly aware of, I ignored it entirely - even if my bandmates had teased me religiously every time they saw me have an encounter with him. Go out with him already! You two are constantly flirting!

Moving away from where I was standing, I made my way over to him to be able to talk over the loud music seeping out of the speakers, instead of shouting at one another. We then exited the backstage area together, welcoming us to the view of a plain grassland where a couple trailers had been parked, both of our bands included. Eventually, we walked to one of the random trailers, assuming it was his one, and stood against the shiny metal impediment as we shared a cigarette.

“Don’t act like it’s not true,” he replied casually, him reciprocating my grin as we began to walk further into the backstage space. “I saw the way you were eyeing me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I replied, attempting to act oblivious towards his statement. I could feel him gawking, focused on me as I admired the blooming sunlight that casted out towards us, the light so bright that it caused my eyes to tear up slightly. The music was still very much audible, and the screams of the many thousands jammed together in the mosh pit were still extremely loud.

“Oh, but you do.” he mumbled, causing me to shift my view to look at him. He had now fixated his stare onto the sun, the cigarette softly placed between his lips as he inhaled quickly before taking it out and allowing the built-up smoke from his lungs to escape into the atmosphere. Dropping the tobacco roll onto the ground, he placed his foot over it in order to burn it out, then turning his head to fixate his gaze onto mine. A brief moment of silence passed as we admired one another, the atmosphere carrying an element of apprehension as to what was about to occur between us. Through my peripheral I saw moving his body slightly to come closer to mine as he lifted his back off the metal surface and stood in front of me, my gaze not daring to leave him. Our eyes maintained strong eye contact as I felt my cheeks began to heat up furiously, followed by my attempt on telling myself that it was simply due to the sun’s radiance that my face held such warmth, almost as if to doubt the feelings, the tensions that had constantly piled up every time we had seen one another.

Our noses touched as our faces then became inches apart, my eyes focused on Damon, who kept darting his eyes to my lips every few seconds. Tilting his head slightly, he leaned his body forward, softly pressing his lips onto mine. We stood there for a few seconds, to allow the moment to truly sink in. His hands were gently placed on my waist as I placed them on his arms, like a form of support to allow myself to stay upright. After a while, I snaked my hands around his neck in order to deepen the kiss, the warmth of his lips colliding against mine sending shocks all around my body - the moment didn’t feel real at all. It was as if this entire time of me knowing of him, interacting with him, being in his presence, I had attempted to avoid myself catching feelings, not getting myself engraved in a situation with another musician, but due to my mind forcing such a hindrance, it became an inevitability - I caught feelings for Damon Albarn.

As we pulled away to catch our breaths, Damon leaned back, sneaking his arms around my waist as he looked down on me. “You liked that.”

“Shut up.”

“Can’t wait for Liam to find out about this.” he grinned, playing with strands of my hair as I glared at him. I knew he was aware of the glare I was giving him, because he seemingly began to grin even wider.

“He won’t, because you’re not going to tell him.” I replied bluntly, placing my hands on his chest as I began to draw little circles over his shirt. It felt so surreal, yet so normal - there was a certain amenity shared between us proving that what was felt in the past was indeed real, and indeed reciprocated.

“Always knew you’d give in one day.” he mumbled, a devilish grin painted on his lips.

“Really?” I scoffed. “Even when the tabloids were convinced me and Gallagher were an item?” I asked, staring straight into his eyes. I noticed him frown slightly after the question left my mouth, my lips attempting to form into a smile as I broke off his smug persona.

“Well it looks like you’ve left Liam to be with me.” he grinned, our eyes connecting once again. I took his hand away from my hair to interlace it with mine, holding it close to my chest for Damon to be able to feel my heartbeat. Even though anybody could have opened their trailer door and witnessed us in such an affectionate state, none of that seemingly mattered to either one of us. Everything that had occurred between me and Damon felt so perfect, to the point that I would want somebody to come and witness the true beauty of this moment. There was a strong feeling in my chest that I wanted him to feel, to understand, that what was occurring between us truly meant something, and wasn’t just a silly little play to mess with my feelings.

“Liam’s not that bad you know.”

“I’m just joking, love, don’t worry.” he mumbled, bringing our interlaced hands to his face to allow him to kiss the back of my hand. “You wanna go get something to eat before you head on?”

“Sure, I’d love to.” I said, forcing us to detach our bodies from our embrace and walk over to one of the food stalls, hand in hand.

[soulsilencer]

My friend @fossilbed did this and I finally decided what albums I want to include so it's a bit late sorry.. but some of my favorite albums. :)

• "Humbug" by Arctic Monkeys: This is genuinely one of my favorite albums of all time, it's such a good album. In my opinion their best one, the instrumentals, vocals and songwriting are very strong in it.

• "VOLUME 3: SLAVES OF WAR" by HEALTH: One of the best noise rock/cyberpunk albums ever, I absolutely recommend you listen to it if you want to get into the genre and the band. DISCO4 is really really good too, but I can't pick it over this classic. (Also if you want to potentially get into HEALTH they have a song in DISCO4 with nine inch nails too so. Wink)

• "Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?" by Metric: I WAS TORN BETWEEN THIS AND FANTASIES because both are so solid. The vocals are a bit rougher on this one, but the rock sound is amazing and it has anti-capitalist messages all over.

• "III: LOST CHAPTER" by PENTAKILL: I'm not even going to go in depth with this one, PLEASE listen to the metal League of Legends Vocaloids this album is SO good, each song is a different type of metal. Also I recommend watching the digital motion capture concert too, it has a loose story line and it's charming and silly.

• "Melophobia" by Cage the Elephant: Rock album with really good guitar in it, it's the CTE album I recommend to anyone because there's so much to enjoy in it from a songwriting perspective.

• The Black Panther Soundtrack: I've never seen this movie, but the soundtrack for it is such a good collection of rap songs. I don't have much to say except I absolutely recommend it, I haven't stopped listening to it since it came out.

• "Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded" by Rihanna: This album shaped me as a person when I was a kid okay... It's so refreshing and pretty nostalgic for me which adds it's charm. Absolutely iconic, cannot recommend it enough.

• "Planet Her" by Doja Cat: My favorite type of pop to be honest, it's very catchy and I love the beats in the songs so much and it's just a really fun ride.

• "Transit of Venus" by Three Days Grace: ANOTHER album that shaped me as a person from a young age, the fact that no one ever talks about it is criminal when it's so good. Amazing vocal and instrumental work, if I had to explain the vibe in a certain way it would be "driving late at night through a desert searching for someone who's missing from your life (both emotionally and physically)". Fully recommend this.

[avinaccia]

A Completely Objective and Logical Ranking of Every Hetalia Character Song

New character songs are dropping,  I have too much time on my hands, let’s go. 

Also here’s a Youtube playlist for the ~✨nostalgia���~

Bring it on in the tags 

71. Ah Legendary Class⭐The Awesome Me Highway [Prussia]: Absolutely tearing it up on the drums and on the vocal cords alike (I pray for Atsushi Kousaka). Great for the memes. 

70.  Happy Thoughts Museum [???]: This is listed as an official song but I had literally never heard of the title. Then I listened to it and BAM! Smack back to 2013 watching the teasers for the show on Funimation. Not sure I’d count it as a character song though...

69. (Nice)  My Song that is written by me for me [Prussia]: Deafened me but I can appreciate the industrial grind.

68.  My House is...Quiet. ~With the Trolls~ [Norway]: I have never heard this song, nor can I find any version of it online. By default it goes here and I am so sorry Norge.

67.  Make a Wish to Santa♪ [Sealand]: The discordant notes and childish exuberance only serve to make this sound like a demonic plea to Santa to eliminate the singer’s enemies.

66.  Heaven and Hell on Earth [Rome]: Rome sounds like he’s been in the corner of a restroom. Extra points for the metal version, minus points for the fact that the beach scene was replayed like 1764 times.

65. Canada Complete Introduction [Canada]: Quiet af until Kumacheerio shows up and blows out your speakers. they did you dirty my darling 😔

64.  It’s Easy!!! [America]: I don't think any video of this has ever stayed up for more than 20 seconds. Sounds cool, but like I was listening to 20 different genres at once, someone make him calm down.

63.  Bù Zàiyì the Small Stuff ☆ [China]: I cannot for the life of me find the complete song anywhere, clips have a cool beat though

62.  Let's Boil Hot Water♪ [Italy]: Exactly what it says on the tin..though a bit too close to elevator music for my tastes.

61.  The Fragrance of Early Summer [Japan]: Very ‘from the books’ Japan-esque song

60.  Peace Sounds Nice…[Baltic Trio]: All well and good until the radio demon shows up

59.  W●D●C ~World Dancing~ [America]: How a song can sound like it’s from 4 different decades at once is beyond me

58.  Overflowing Passion [BFT]: This is just drunken karaoke and I have 0 clue what’s going on #iconicforallthewrongreasons

57. Ren●Ren●Renaissance♪ [Rome+Chibitalia]: Wholesome Grandpa with Grandson content - barring the fact that Italy sounds on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Rome has had too much wine.

56.  Roma Antiqua [Rome]: Similar energy to any one of China’s songs - there’s a part of the song where it sounds like he’s singing in the shower, and I will never not laugh at [CENSORED]

55.  Country From Where the Sun Rises, Zipangu [Japan]: Very chill, very Japan, but just meh for me.

54.  Moon Over Emei Shan [China]: Good message, okay song.

53.  My Friend [England]: What a mind palace you must have Mr. Kirkland

52.  With Love, from Iceland [Iceland]: Three words: Heavy. Metal. Puffin.

51.  Having Friends is Nice...♫ [Russia]: Russia is the cutest thing ever

50.  Mm. [Sweden]: Smooth transition from WWE Smackdown to shopping at IKEA.

49.  Why don’t you come over? ~Beyond the Northern Lights~ [Iceland]: I don’t want to be mean but...this does sound like the second closing theme to an anime whose first closing was much more popular (à la Soul Eater)

48. Gakuen☆Festa [Germany, Italy, Japan]: Sounds like a 60s song of the summer but oh dear their voices do not go together. Hella cute though.

47.  Wa! Wa!! World Ondo [Main Cast]: One time I travelled 10 hours in a coach bus with a bunch of teenagers to a city of note in my country, and the only souvenir I bought was the fucking PAINT IT WHITE DVD. Perfectly chaotic, UN ĐĕùX~~

46.  In the Bluebell Woods [England]: In the album cover for this song he’s holding a guitar but this is not a rock song. Still has ‘running through the hills’ levels of dramatism though.

45.  Poi Poi Poi♪ [Taiwan]: You’re telling me that Taiwan, someone whose has *ONE LINE* in Beautiful World (which is criminal tbh what kind of representation-) managed to get an eNTIRE CHARACTER SONG???????

44.  White Flame [Russia]: There’s something to be said for a song that is 3x the length of any Hetalia episode

43.  Ich liebe… [Germany]: Baking cakes for your friends has never been so wholesome.

42.  We Wish you a Merry Christmas [America, China, England, France, Russia]: Nice to see they’ve gotten their shit together since United Nations Sta-hmm.

41.  Ah, Worldwide à la mode [France]: Sounds like a Disney Princess song, hard not to picture France frolicking in a field of flowers.

40.  Che Bello! ~My House is the Greatest!⭐~ [Italy]: Would not be out of place in an advertisement for Sea World.

39.  May You Smile Today [Japan]: THE feel good song of the summer

38.  Let’s Look Behind the Rainbow [Italy]: I will protect you.

37.  I'm your HERO☆ [America]: “Anyone who’s sad or sullen will be arrested” did NOT age well.

36.  Mein Gott! [Prussia]: Alternating headphone effect at the beginning is cool, so is the confidence...the actual singing on the other hand...

35. Nihao⭐China [China]: Listen, all of China’s character songs are great, I just can’t vibe with this one like some of the others.

34.  Pechka ~Light My Heart~ [Russia]: I’m still having difficulty wrapping my head around the fact that this and Winter were released at the same time.

33.  Pukapuka⭐Vacation [Germany, Italy, Japan]: Seems just a bit too much like they’re running on a treadmill that’s picking up speed and trying to sing at the same time. Peppy.

32.  Santa Claus is Coming to Town [Germany, Italy, Japan]: This is unironically the best song sung by this trio; can only vibe with for two months out of the year though.

31.  Excuse Me, I Am Sorry [Japan]: Japan’s character traits speedrun. Gives me barbershop quartet vibes for some reason but is catchy as hell.

30.  The Story of Snow and Dreams [Russia]: A superhero anime opening in the making

29. England’s Evil Demon Summoning Song [England]: Sir that is not how you roast a marshmallow, don’t cut yourself on that edge.

28.  Moi Moi Sauna♪ [Finland]: Exactly the type of song you’d expect and it’s wonderful

27.  United Nations Star⭐ [America, China, England, France, Russia]: This isn’t as much of a song as it is a four minute struggle for everyone to sing without America yelling every 5 seconds...Like a particularly musical episode of Hetalia.

26.  Paris is Indeed Splendid [France]: Paris-pa-pa-pa-paris

25.  Absolutely Invincible British Gentleman [England]: Poppy, rocky, polka-dotty

24.  Vorwärts Marsch! [Germany]: To quote the comment section: “This sounds like a German version of I’ll Make a Man out of you.” There’s some truth to that.

23.  Hamburger Street [America]: The product of America’s rapper phase. 8/10 because he’s trying so hard and because I can unironically sing along to all of this.

22.  Hoi Sam☆Nice Guy [Hong Kong]: A song that would absolutely destroy the ankles of anyone in DDR.

21.  I Am German-Made [Germany]: There was once a version that had Germany and Prussia singing at the same time and it sounded positively demonic and Broadway could never

20.  La pasión no se detiene ~Unstoppable Passion~ [Spain]: Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping...

19.  Fall in Love, Mademoiselle [France]: Sounds like it should be in Mozart Opera Rock, I have kiss kiss falled in love.

18. Embrace the Très Bien Moi [France]: This is the definition of SELF LOVE PEOPLE. 

17. Carrot and Stick [Belarus&Ukraine]: Absolutely DRIPPING in 2000s power ballad energy. The type of song that plays on repeat in the mind of the widow whose millionaire husband ‘mysteriously disappeared’ (and the only legit character song ever acknowledged by the anime)

16. C.B.C (Cowboyz Boot Camp) Vol. 1 [America]: AH MAH GAWWDDD

15. Winter [Russia]: Heavy metal fever dream and the perfect song for an angst-ridden teenager

14.  Seychelles Here ⭐ Vacation Island [Seychelles]: UN👏DER👏RA👏TED SONG👏OF 👏THE 👏SUM👏MER👏

13.  Nah, it will settle itself somehow [Romano]: One day I aspire to reach this level of chill

12.  Let’s Enjoy Today [England]: I will never not feel happy when listening to this.

11.  Einsamkeit [Germany]: Ludwig manages to air every single one of his worries about not being good enough compared to his friends and always being perceived as mean or uptight when he’s actually just a softie and now my heart hurts. 💔

10.  Aiyaa Four Thousand Years [China]: A very poignant and beautiful song about the passage of time and the inevitability of its passing; comparable to an ancient ballad complete with explosive crescendos and meaningful lyrics.

9.  Bon Bon Bon❤️C’est Bon C’est Bon! [France]: Peppy, cheerful, adorable, groundbreaking; has been my alarm tone for six years and I’ve yet to tire of it. 9/10 The moaning interspersed throughout has been an interesting wake-up call.

8.  Let’s Enjoy! Let’s Get Excited! Cheers! [Denmark]: This is on par with Everytime we Touch by Cascada in terms of rage potential unlocked (the good kind)

7.  Dream Journey [Japan]: Whoever’s playing the shakuhachi is absolutely KILLING IT. Dramatic, wonderful, great metaphors.

6.  Gourmet’s Heart Beginner Level [China]: Absolute banger, I’m a vegetarian but this would inspire me to eat shumai.

5.  Always with you...Nordic Five! [Nordic FIVVVVVEEEE]: Everyone harmonizes beautifully except for Denmark. Extremely catchy, number placement seemed appropriate. 

4.  Pub and GO! [England]: I love this trash man

3. Maji Kandou⭐Hong Kong Night [Hong Kong]: If you thought Denmark’s song was a banger JUST YOU WAIT. I WILL BLOW OUT MY SPEAKERS LISTENING TO LO-HA-SU.

2. Steady Rhythmus [Germany]: THIS SONG IS METAL AF. Seriously, if it can be classified as ‘hardcore’ by my father and his group of 50-somethings who have decided to single-handedly gatekeep the metal and hardrock genres, it can do anything.

1.  The Delicious Tomato Song 🍅 [Romano]: Beautiful, absolutely awe-inspiring, poignant, catchy lyrics with an extremely deep meaning that only years of meticulous research and analysis can unlock, Romano I love you.

BONUS: Closing Songs

5. Hatafutte Parade (World Series) 

4. Hetalian⭐Jet (The World Twinkle): The song is good, the dancing is cursed 

3. Chikyuu Marugoto Hug Shitainda (World⭐Stars)

2. Marukaite Chikyuu (Hetalia: Axis Powers): nE NE PaPA

1. Mawaru Chikyuu Rondo (The Beautiful World)

[syubub]

Rae I was hoping you could do a reading (nothing grand, it can be small) on BTS’ (each member’s individual) current post-Grammy energy? The past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I noticed a lot in their demeanors on both their vlive, and reaction to the loss they posted on Twitter. I have my own analysis and observations, but all that mostly comes from a psychological/logical pov. I want your take on the spiritual side and most importantly your thoughts on what the cameras won’t show us and what the members would probably never vocally/publicaly express (since bless their hearts, they’re such humble people). — 💼

That's such a great ask 💼 anon! I love the idea and I have to do it right now bc I need to know lol

bts post-grammy energy reading

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact. This is only my personal interpretation!

So first off we have the energy of the group.

The 6 of coins, the magician, ten of wands reversed.

Starting with the 6 of coins

This to me feels like they are happy to have preformed and likely feel very loved.

Like they're happy to have shown their talents to the world and spread some joy and love

The card itself Is a lot about give and take and sharing and I think they feel that with army

The kind of solidarity and appreciation of eachother

With the magician (this came up in pre grammy read too) it feels like the determination and drive to succeed. They probably are feeling motivated to come back again stronger.

I see this too as bts not holding back and doing what they feel they have to do (I'm excited for what it could be)

Then we have 10 of wands reversed

This talks about feeling relief about being able to release a burden

This makes a lot of sense

In a way they were kinda carrying A LOT on their backs with this grammy nom

And for it to be over I think now they can catch their breaths

Seokjin

Knight of wands.

This is so very him.

Passion, inspired action, energy.

It's the "pushing foward bc I have a thing that I'm going to do" energy

I see this as him being fired up and like "Okay so this is how we can do this and next time this will happen and we can do this as well"

Very much no time to dwell

It's the confidence and belief in himself and the group and their goals

Like he took his time to be be angry, sad, mad and whatever but I don't think it was at not winning. It was all the other stuff

And now hes ready to continue and push through

He could have a million ideas in his head rn

The knight of wands is one of my absolute favorite cards

It's also associated with sagittarius so maybe I'm just a bit biased lol

Renewed energy and passion

Love it

Yoongi

YOONGI

It's in caps bc im yelling

Ace of cups

You absolute pain

Yes this card can be about love

In this context though I see it as creativity

Ace is always the start of things.

The ace of cups is an emotional beginning

The beginning of a new creative project fuled by emotions and your emotions about your experiences

Yall

Yoongi is writing and making stuff and this might just be the new project that takes them to the grammys and win them the trophies

Yoongi had a planned we should always listen carefully to his words.

He technically said a 2021 grammy preformance and 2022 grammy win...

Ugh

Essentially I think that whatever project comes from the emotions of this time will be extremely significant for them

Maybe we'll get a song or album that talks about the shit they go through with interlude: FUCK YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT

I hope we get swearing...

Probably not bc in true bangtan fashion they can form their emotions and experience into beautiful metaphors.

To sum up I think yoobi kinda knew what would happen so he sees it as an opportunity to take the emotions/creativity and create a very special thing(again, is he consciously aware of this shit??)

Hoseok

Wheel of fortune reverse

Hobi :(

Dissapointment and misfortune

It's that "the whole world is against me" feeling

I bet he was extremely excited and it was just an emotional blow to him

I think he probably can't help but be hard on himself

Like, "if we did this better" or "we should have done this"

But he knows that it's not his fault. It's just hard not to question yourself

It's feeling like they just can't catch a break

With this card though I feel like there's also an energy of no longer feeling like they have to "play the game"

Breaking the cycle

I think dynamite served 2 purposes

1. To bring joy and some sense of normality to a mid pandemic world

And 2. To play the game by its rules. Everything according to the book

Kinda an experiment

And to see that even doing everything right and excelling at the game didn't really change the scammys mind

Theirs freedom there

They did it the grammys way

And now they'll do it the bangtan way

Bc they've learned

Maybe they'll try another English song but it will be more them

Namjoon

Seven of cups

This card...

The first thing I want to talk about is illusion

The idea that an option you pick has a whole lot of things hiding behind the surface and it's not what it first looked to be

Being hyped up by the grammys and having a bunch of interviews and stuff only to be used

I think namjoon is dealing with that extra hard because as a leader I think he has this idea that he's ment to protect his members

I think he feels a bit like, "I should have seen this coming and been more careful"

Stuff like that.

When joon said "I told you" after they announced the winner

I feel like he told them that it was un likely bc the closer and closer it got he kinda started to see things for what they really were

I think too that joon is trying to decide where to go from here

Do they try a new English song?

Do they say fuck it and make a metal album?

Do they make an album focusing on the positives?

Do they make an album talking about the negatives?

Do they mix a bunch of ideas together?

Do they go back to their roots?

Very many options and namjoon is trying to choose the best one

However.

Everything has an upside and a downside

Jimin

Chim chim

The hermit

Soul searching and introspection

Listening to yourself

I think jimin might feel a bit down

Like, he needs time to re evaluate

I think jimin tends to base his worth on some external factors and he might have put a lot of his own worth on this situation

So now he has to go back and remind himself that this doesn't define him and that his value has nothing to do with the grammys or how others view him

Like hobi he might be bit hard on himself rn

But the hermit is such a powerful card bc you find yourself in the soul searching and you can asses how to move foward

I think also the hermit might also symbolize feeling shut out of the music industry and maybe too a bit of shame about not winning

JIMIM :'(

Taehyung

Ha

The high priestess

This whole situation did not pass his vibe check in the first place

I think he probably knew

Maybe his angel told him or he subconsciously knew

Very much trusting his intuition and will probably be using that to guide him going foward in what he will do with this situation

Creating and being vulnerable and open is important

Anything that has to do with intuition and creativity and empathy

He's probably also comforting jimin in preticular rn

He's also probably thinking about how to comfort us

(Maybe he's working extra hard to push the mixtape foward in order to comfort us)

(( we are trying to comfort YOU. You don't need to comfort us!!))

Regardless

It's a very intresting energy and it makes sense lol

Jungkook

The hanged man

Koo

A pause to re evaluate

Similar to jimin in that this is a time to reflect and to do some soul searching

Taking the time to see things from a new perspective that is desperately needed for him

Some new and important thing might be on the horizon (see yoongis reading) and he will be able to see it and see its potential because he's taking time to just

Exist

Gather his thoughts so that he can know what he's feeling and take that

Morph it into something beautiful

And use that to move foward with a new perspective.

I think also this could indicate feeling like this is a hurdle they can't get over.

Stuck where they are bc the obstacles are insurmountable.

Another interpretation is being made an example of publicly?

Like he might feel like they failed publicly and that it hurt rather than helped south Korea as a whole?

But overall feeling like he needs that new perspective and taking this as an opertunity to find that!

I hope this kinda makes sense! I only pulled one card bc I think they're all feeling A LOT of things and I wanted to focus on the main theme.

It's a lot more positive than I thought but that's bts for you, always looking to grow and learn and create. I'm really interested to see what kind of songs come from this emotional influx! I think it definitely differs some from what they've shown so I'm curious how this energy manifests for them!

[rosealine-bishop]

Greaseball Headcanons

Okay so, @marastriker and I were talking last night about some GB headcanons. Not all were happy. But Im of the strong belief that no one starts out being the way they are and that their circumstances change and make them the way they are. So, playing off of that, here are some headcanons I've got about GB. (Some HCs may be familiar because they're also on this post here since they and I also were talking about other things and got to talking about potential kids and how GB & Dinah + Electra & CB would be as parents)

Anywho, I've talked about the background long enough, let's get to the main post.

(Might make this a two parter because it genuinely gets so so long)

(also @sweet-dining-car this is the post I mentioned)

TW: abuse, alcoholism, death, violence

So, for starters, GB wasn't always the way he is now. (Even now he actually deflects and has created this persona of a meathead who can be a total dick, but genuinely he's just a soft and nice guy at heart) Back when he was a kid, he actually was the cutest and sweetest kid out there. He was always so nice to all the other trains, and acting as a protector for all of the other trainlets (even if he was the runt of the litter. He just wanted to be like his favorite super hero: Captain America)

He would always be seen trailing Poppa or getting the most upset and doing his best to cheer up Poppa whenever he was having a bad day or looked even the slightest bit upset.

On that same note, Momma to him was like a second mother and both her and Poppa were the perfect relationship. (yes in my HCs Momma and Poppa exist together and same for the Hip Hoppers and the Rockies)

Unfortunately, at home, it wasn't as good as he could imagine it was in the train yard. At home, his dad was the biggest homophobic and toxic masculine guy you can image. A raging alcoholic with gigantic anger issues. He would constantly beat GBs mom and sometimes GB too.

His dad believed that BECAUSE he was the runt, that constant abuse would make him stronger. GB used to be the biggest cry baby but through years and years of abuse, would learn to hide it and "be a man"

His mother would sneak in some vinyls she managed to get for GB of Elvis or Frank Sinatra or anyone else she could find and she would help him hide everything when his dad would get home from work.

GB has always had a soft spot for dining cars because his mom worked close by them and he would sometimes visit her at work when he was way younger.

GB isnt actually straight. He's bi but represses it and hides behind the toxic masculinity because he made the mistake of telling his dad when his dad had a good week and he was almost beaten within the edge of his life. (and since that day, the abuse towards him was actually way worse)

GB would hide any of the abuse behind clothing and sunglasses and a cool guy persona. He would use it to deflect and pretend that nothing was wrong at home.

Eventually when GBs parents split (which was close to him turning 18), his dad managed to convince the court that his mom was unfit to be a parent. (Him and his mom talked about it before and agreed that in the end if the court asks GB his opinion on where he wants to live, he would choose his dad and then go find her when he turns 18. Because that way it would be best for the two of them)

So, at 18 he left without telling anyone and went to go find his mom. However, he never did and in fact found out about the fate of his mom from a phone call, telling him that she was found beaten to death. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.

GB actually blames himself for his mother's death, but like a good son, uses whatever money he had earned to give his mom a proper burial.

When he has to go back to get her personal belongings, he takes all the photos and rips his dad out of all of them and hangs them around his small one bedroom apartment. He even managed to find some old recordings of his mom singing and some old home videos. (he cherishes those and will play them when he's sad so that he never forgets his mom. and in a way he always has a part of her with him)

He actually is really good at metal working (thank you mara for this headcanon) so he uses his skills to make his necklace from one of his mom's old earrings so she's always with him and in a way that necklace becomes his lucky necklace in all his early races.

Speaking of races, his first race outfit wasn't the best quality at all. He didn't have much so he created the whole outfit from scratch and he actually used to hide his face no matter what, behind a poorly made train helmet, to hide from the risk of his dad finding him.

The longer he was away from that situation, the more he actually would hide behind the early version of the persona that he has now. He's always idolized Elvis and he holds a spot close to his heart for the singer, that he started slowly changing his appearance to look more like Elvis.

He started working out so he would never be seen as weak ever again.

Eventually, he made a big enough name for himself that he would get interviews on TV every now and then and that's how his dad found out about him still being alive. At first it didn't really click in his dad's head but the moment GB started speaking, his dad knew exactly that that was his son. (Yes he sounded more like Elvis but a father never forgets his son's voice)

So, his dad, as an anonymous donor, asked a young CB to crash GB in the next race. CB, not one down to turn down money did just that. And yes, that whole interaction had put GB out of many races and caused him to pawn off any and all belongings to pay for his hospital bills because any small sponsor he had managed to get dropped him.

(No one wants damaged goods)

and while GB is back to normal, he every now and then when he's super stressed, will feel his bones aching, like a phantom injury and he will start limping slightly because he never fully healed from that.

But now that he knew about CB would go to him and ask him to throw races in his favor, sometimes paying in sexual favors, sometimes in actual money. Because otherwise, he felt like he could never be at 100% and would always lose any race after his accident.

He needed the sponsors and money so he would do anything to get back into the top contenders.

He has major daddy issues that he and Dinah have discussed before. She's probably the only one who knows about GBs true past (aside from Pearl and Poppa and Momma)

Because of his trauma, he actually hates hearing even the word "daddy" so one night when CB accidentally lets it slip during one of their sexual encounters, GB slaps him. Thats the only time GB would actually hit anyone.

On that note, GB actually wont ever truly hurt anyone. For all he knew, Rusty actually did crash and all the damage was from that crash. He had no idea the Diesels roughed him up.

But one night when him and Rusty talk and he finds out about what actually happens, Electra has to get his components (namely Krupp and Killerwatt) to hold him back as GB unleashes hell and yells at the diesels. Like there is pure murder in his eyes.

Yes, sometimes GB hurts other trains during races but after every race they get an anonymous donor paying for all the repairs and a letter along with it with a long apology and flowers. (Dinah helps him spell check it)

GB has only cried twice since he was a child. Once when he found out his mother died (and thats the only time he would turn to alcohol. Otherwise he swears off of it completely) and second when he found out Dinah was pregnant.

GB is 100% terrified of thunderstorms because it reminds himself of his old living situation. Often times you can find him hiding in the closet or under the bed, pillows over his ears and under many layers of blankets.

He would actually be one to collect Squishmallows and other stuffed animals because he never got to as a kid. But whenever he gets any stuffed animal, Dinah names them. However, when his kids are born, he gets matching squishmallows with Norma Jean and Presely and names them after his kids. (Thats probably the only time he gets to name any stuffed animal)

GB actually really really loves Dinah. On the yard he may be this dick towards her but the moment he gets home he apologizes to Dinah profusely and will do anything she wants to make up for it.

He would NEVER do anything to hurt her and when she's pregnant will go above and beyond to be there for her. He even went to Dustin to ask for advice and tried to ask him to keep the fact that Dinah was pregnant under wraps (unfortunately, Dustin, being the sweetie that he is, cannot keep it under wraps and eventually the whole yard knows. Poppa actually gives him some of the best fatherly advice.)

When he finds out that Dinah is pregnant, however, he has multiple night terrors about his childhood. He becomes extremely scared that he'd be like his dad and both Dinah and Poppa reassure him that he's nothing like his dad. That in fact, he has more of his mom in him than he realizes. (Dinah even says he looks more like his mom than his dad, even though GB doesnt see it. She's also not one to admit that she actually knows that its true. She's seen a few ripped up pictures in the trash of his dad back when GB and her first started dating.)

Dinah is actually the one who helps GB compile all of the pictures of GB and his mom into a photo album. This photo album eventually has pictures of Dinah and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean, GB and Presely. So its just one big happy book about everything right in his life.

One day, he even finds Norma Jean decorating it and Norma Jean, being the little kid she is is worried that her dad was going to be mad because it looks like he had a bad day at the yard and she just touched something that he cherished, even if she was trying to make it pretty, but GB actually tears up at it because its the cutest thing he's seen and now that book is just that much more special to him. He actually gets the whole family to do hand prints on the back and then sign their name underneath (with an addition of him writing "One Big Happy Family" underneath it all)

_________________________________________________________

Okay okay this has to be it for this post because there are just so many more headcanons and I wanted to end it on a happier note. So if anyone wants to know more I'll create a part two but for now this is what we've got because good god is it long.

[wehatejulietsimms]

Hey everyone, TED Talk anon here! I thought it would be cool to just listen to ‘Created From Filth and Dust’ and give my honest opinion on each song since this is a blog about Juliet. I tried really hard to not put any ‘disliking Juliet’ bias in here and to just give my honest, unfiltered opinion about each song (and I’m not going to include the three covers since those weren’t written by her or ‘Bad Love’ or ‘100 Little Deaths’ since those are older songs, not really a part of CFFAD). So here’s my review of ‘Created From Filth and Dust’-

Intro Poem- Not gonna lie, it was pretty cool. Song really a song per se, but a good way to start a new album. Just wish the rest of the album actually lived up to what Juliet was hyping it up to be, though the ‘lyrics’ to this poem made pretty much no sense. It was like Juliet was trying to build up Lilith Czar’s ‘aesthetic’ and tried so hard to be poetic that she forgot to add meaning to the poem. The scream at the end was unexpected and a nice touch, though it was kind of obvious Juliet doesn’t know much about metal screams. It sounded really rough and forced and most likely hurt her vocal chords. She should probably learn how to make screamo before making screamo, or else it’s just going to hurt her voice and it’s not going to come out as good as she wanted.

Feed My Chaos- Catchy chorus, but not memorable. The verses are decent with a pretty basic melody, I liked the guitar in the choruses and the bridge, and the lyrics were actually good, but Juliet’s vocals kind of ruined what could’ve been an otherwise great song. She- as I stated before- tried too hard to get the ‘raspy rocker’ voice that she just doesn’t have and it came out scratchy and hoarse, and it kind of destroyed one of the only good songs off this album (and the only one that could actually qualify as ‘rock’).

King- The melody of the verses broke my ears. I’m sorry, but it was just flat-out bad. It sounded like something from a cliché teen movie. Instruments were kind of bland, nothing really catchy. As for the lyrics, I’ve already discussed this before, but they are honestly the opposite of feministic. With the lines ‘Who's to say a woman can't think with her dick?’, ‘Don’t test the switchblade in between my legs’, and ‘If it’s a man’s world, I wanna be king’ plus the actual song title ‘King’ make it sound like she’s saying that men- or at least masculinity- are stronger and better than women, like you have to be masculine to be tough. As for the line ‘If it’s a man’s world wearing the crown’, god I hate that line. It’s basically like she’s saying she’s giving up on ‘feminism’ and ‘women empowerment’ and instead saying ‘It’s a man’s world, we can’t change that, guess I got to act like a man to earn my place now’ instead of actually promoting female empowerment and gender equality. Overall, I hate this song. It’s toxic masculinity, internalized misogyny, and promoting sexist masculinity in women dressed as a femme fatale, and it’s not very appealing to the ears, as well.

Anarchy- Pretty catchy, not gonna lie. The lyrics are good, the drums are catchy, but I can’t really hear the guitar or bass. The only problem I have with this song is that the melody of the chorus and verses are the exact same, like Juliet got lazy and decided to use the same one. It’s not rare in the music industry, per se, but it typically shows that the artist just wanted to get the song over and done with. Other than that, the song was actually pretty good, Juliet’s vocals weren’t as bad as the others, and it was quite memorable. She should’ve stuck with writing songs like this, cause the direction she went in after this one was just awful. Probably the best song off this album but the 'If you fight me you're fighting a whole army' line makes me laugh. Fighting which army, yours or Andy's?

Lola- Kind of boring, not really notable, special, or catchy. Her vocals were decent, the chorus was okay, and the lyrics actually had some sort of meaning, but I’m really indifferent with this song to be honest. Not the best, but not the worst.

In My Head- Meh. The intro guitar was catchy, but the whole time she was more speaking than talking, so it wasn’t really all that entertaining. Also sounds like something from a cliché drama movie, and the lyrics were so confusing. I couldn't tell if she was horny or depressed. It was like she was trying to mix the two and it just wasn’t working. Also it sounded like she was trying to be all ‘edgy’ but that honestly just ended up sounding like she was glorifying mental illness or something, like she’s commending herself for having a ‘fucked-up mind’ or whatever and acting like being messed up in the head makes you a badass.

Unholy- Sounds like it would be in the sex scene of a bad country movie. I don’t really have an opinion on this song. The lyrics are raunchy and personally not for me, her vocals aren’t terrible, the melody isn’t really good, and the instruments are pretty generic. Nothing horrible but nothing special about this song. It has nothing to do with this ‘Lilith Czar’ character Juliet has made (and honestly, neither do most of the songs).

Diamonds to Dust- Kind of boring to be honest. I know it’s supposed to be a sad, slow song but it wasn’t remarkable or artistic in any way, and it low-key sounds recycled from ‘End Of The World’. A pretty crummy way to end an album in my opinion, like a failed ‘Save Rock and Roll’ situation. The lyrics actually made somewhat sense and Juliet’s vocals were pretty good (definitely not to her best potential, but good), but the emotion wasn’t there. Juliet tried to make a sad, touching, and emotive ending to her album but her voice just wasn’t in it. She didn’t show any emotion whatsoever, like she was just reading the lyrics off a page. It overall wasn’t that great of a song.

Overall, I’d say this album was a huge flop. Most of the songs I forgot the melody to right after listening to it, some I straight-up disliked, and the few that were actually good were ruined by one factor or another. The album didn’t have any significant meaning and none of the songs had any deep, important messages to send, or they sent the completely wrong ones. Most of the instruments were kind of generic with a few quality exceptions but Juliet tried so hard to sound like a badass, raspy rocker chic that she forgot to sound good. Also the Lilith Czar thing sort of bugs me. She built and hyped up this character so much but never actually used her, and she didn’t create Lilith just as a stage name like ‘Andy Black’, but as an alter-ego and forgot to so much as mention her after ‘Intro Poem’ or use her supposed symbolism as a feministic female patron (correctly, that is). She changed up the genre every single song, two of the songs aren’t even hers, two of the songs were some of her old ones, and another is just a poem and not even a song. That’s only seven songs with seven original lyrics, seven original melodies, and seven original instrumentals, and even then a lot of them sounded recycled from her old songs or they sounded generic and dull, and Juliet acts like it’s rock and metal but in reality it’s more pop with a few rock influences here and there. All in all some of the worst music Juliet has ever made and I would never recommend this to anyone. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk ✌🏽

oh my gosh i love that you did this. i was actually going to do posts for each of her EPs (both Juliet & Lilith's) giving my opinion on each song. i was just waiting until i had a day off work (bc my weekend is actually thursday and friday lol) but maybe i'll do it when i leave today!

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

He Could Be the One

(Part Two of the Hannah Montana au that nobody asked for but that’s actually really fun to write)

---

Geralt slips into the alleyway behind the venue and clambers his way onto a pile of empty boxes outside the star’s green room. If he can’t take Jaskier to see Dandelion then he can certainly take an exclusive picture of Dandelion to give Jaskier. Hopefully his unrequited crush would be one step closer to, well, requiting things.

When Geralt finally reaches the top of the pile and peeks in through the window, though, that plan goes to shit. He watches with wide, shocked amber eyes as Dandelion removes what is, apparently, a heavily styled blonde wig. Underneath the disguise is a shock of messy, chestnut brown hair.

When Dandelion turns around to face the window again, his makeup removed and his wig clutched in his hand, Geralt gasps in shock and loses his grip on the rough bricks of the windowsill. 

“Fuck!” he cries, falling backwards onto his ass in the alley. The camera he’d rented from the school newspaper goes hurtling off into the darkness, probably broken. 

He knows that face. He knows that soft-looking brown hair.

Dandelion and Jaskier are one in the same.

A moment after he hits the ground, the venue’s back door bursts open and Jaskier glances around, brows furrowed with worry. “Hello? Are you okay out here?”

“Hnnn...” Geralt groans, rubbing the spot on his hip where his body had first connected with the ground. He knows it’s going to bruise; if this is even really happening. It feels like a dream. Like something that only happens on the Disney channel but never in real life (this cannot be real life). If it does bruise well...holy fucking shit, Jaskier is a pop star.

“G-Geralt!?” Jaskier glances between his classmate, still laying sprawled against the dirty asphalt of the alley in a state of apparent catatonia, and the wig still clutched in his hand. “Well shit.”

“You-you’re-” he gawks, pointing up at Jaskier. You know, like an idiot. “You’re Dandelion!”

“Ta da?” Jaskier half-smiles. The slender brunette is clearly exhausted from the show he’s just put on and now he looks anxious on top of it. Seeing just how vulnerable and scared Jaskier seems, Geralt’s heart melts in his chest. It always melts when he sees the cute junior; he’s had a crush on the other boy for months. Ever since he’d transferred into Geralt’s English class. 

The same junior who is, apparently, an internationally recognized pop sensation with a net worth somewhere in the millions. 

“G...Geralt?” Jaskier asks again, waving his hand in front of the older boy’s face. “Hello?”

“You’re uh...” Geralt is trying desperately to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth so he can fucking say something and stop staring like a fool. “Holy shit, you’re Dandelion. That’s why you’re always humming his - your songs between classes, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“I think I broke the school’s only camera,” Geralt says, gesturing out into the darkness. “But it was worth it.”

“Want to come sit in my green room and chat? My manager is probably going to want you to sign an NDA or some shit,” Jaskier sighs. “I don’t know. I’ll let him handle it. I’m too tired. That was fun, but I’m exhausted. And hungry.”

“I’m so sorry.” It’s the only thing Geralt can think to say as he stands up and dusts himself off. He hadn’t meant to encroach on such an enormous and personal secret; he’d just wanted a gift for... “I was trying to take a picture of Dandelion to give to this guy at school that I like.”

“Oh yeah?” Jaskier smiles, leading Geralt into the warmth of the green room. The shorter boy takes a seat on a very comfortable looking couch and pats the cushion next to him. “Come sit, I don’t bite.”

The nervous senior lowers himself onto the couch as if he’s afraid it might come alive and eat him. His ass is perched on the very edge; ready to take flight at any moment if necessary. “It was going to be a gift for him. His name is uh, it’s Jaskier.”

“What?”

“I thought you were busy tonight,” Geralt gestures vaguely towards the wig, “Although I didn’t think it would be anything like this. Since you couldn’t be here with me, I was going to take a one-of-a-kind candid picture of Dandelion as a gift for you.” 

“That’s incredibly sweet, Geralt,” the pop-star croons, placing a casual hand on his classmate’s knee. Geralt is very, very close to swooning (which he will never admit out loud). 

“Am I going to be in trouble?”

“No. Probably not. Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

“I’d never do anything to hurt you or break your trust, Jask.”

The young pop icon smiles, ducks his head, and blushes. Geralt has never been happier before in his entire fucking life.

---

Dandelion has a show two towns over the following weekend. Jaskier gives Geralt a free ticket (complete with a backstage pass) and begs him to come along and see some kind of ‘cool surprise’. The senior is flabbergasted, holding the laminated papers in his hands as if they’re the holy grail. 

They might as well be.

---

“So I’ve got a new album coming out,” Dandelion announces towards the end of his set. “And since you’ve been such a wonderful and rowdy crowd, I think you deserve a sneak peek. What do you think?”

The audience’s response is nearly deafening. Geralt’s chest is being crushed against a black metal barrier by a wave of other giddy teens but he doesn’t give a shit. He wants to be as close to the stage as possible; he could wake up from this dream at any moment and he really wants to enjoy it until then.

“This one is for my homecoming date,” Dandelion states. He shoots a quick wink in Geralt’s direction and the senior’s heart stops rather suddenly in his chest. 

Jaskier is waiting for him to answer. To give him the affirmative. To reassure him that his declaration has been met with with agreement. 

Geralt nods subtly and watches the pop star’s beautiful, bright blue eyes light up with joy. “Alright!”

The beat picks up quickly and Dandelion is lost to the music. After every few words he glances surreptitiously in Geralt’s direction and the white-haired high schooler realizes rather suddenly how exciting this really is. A fucking millionaire pop star is masquerading as a regular kid at his high school. The kid he’s had a quiet crush on for quite some time. A kid that likes him back. Dandelion starts to sing and Geralt is jolted out of his thoughts by the pointed lyrics. 

“Smooth-talking. So rocking. He's got everything that a guy's wanting. Guitar cutie, He plays it groovy; And I can't keep myself from doing something stupid...”

---

When the show is over and Geralt is alone with Jaskier/Dandelion backstage, the younger boy steps forward and reaches out tentatively. Geralt takes his hand and twines their fingers together comfortably. Confidently. “So, would you perhaps be interested in being my boyfriend?”

“Which one of you?” Geralt teases.

“Both. You  might be in some tabloids. Gay celebrities are, unfortunately, still kind of a novelty. Especially young ones.”

“This isn’t fair,” Geralt whispers. 

“What’s not fair?” Jaskier replies, sounding panicked. Geralt pulls Jaskier and releases their clasped hands to embrace him tightly.  

“How am I supposed to impress you with a cool prom-posal if you ask me to homecoming like that?” he grumbles, “It’s not fair. I’m not a rich, hot pop star. At best you’re getting a public display of devotion and affection and at worst you’re getting dinner from McDonald’s.”

“You think I’m hot!?” Jaskier giggles, the rest of the context only slightly less important somehow. His fingers grip the front of Geralt’s shirt and the older boy barely resists the urge to shudder. He’s never really been this close to someone before and he really likes it. Especially since it’s Jaskier. Then the younger boy shocks him again by going off on a tangential monologue.“You’re insane if you think I’m the hot one in this potential relationship! You have the softest looking naturally white hair I’ve ever seen. Your shoulders are fucking beautiful and if you murdered me by suffocating me with your pecs then I would die a very happy guy.”

When Jaskier looks up into Geralt’s face he sees that the older boy is blushing furiously and desperately trying to avoid any kind of eye contact. His hand on Jaskier’s waist twitches anxiously. Aw, he’s shy! 

“I can’t wait for homecoming,” Geralt finally mutters. 

“I can’t wait for you to shut up and kiss me.”

“Really?”

Jaskier, the international pop star and millionaire, leans up onto the tips of his bedazzled converse and smiles. “Yeah. I would really like it if you kissed me.”

Geralt, the shy high school senior with an interest in photojournalism, presses their lips together slowly. Jaskier’s hand finds its way into Geralt’s hair and tangles there comfortably. Geralt’s hand squeezes against the younger man’s soft, slender hip. He lets himself feel a touch of velvet-soft skin here and there as Jaskier’s shirt rides up or moves along with them.

They stay wrapped up in each other like that until Dandelion’s manager knocks on the door. He calls through the door. “Well you’re going to have to sign some paperwork if you want to be his boyfriend for real.”

Jaskier bites his lip and looks at Geralt with nervous anticipation written across his face. 

Geralt smiles and pulls Jaskier close again. “Where’s the pen?”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

The Dragon Egg (Part 2)

Part 2 for @secrettunnelatla

“No, this isn’t good enough!” Azula grits her teeth. It is decent work--as far as sound goes--but it isn’t battle of the bands worthy. Not even close. If they wanted to make it to Audio of Agni their concept would have to be much stronger, much less generic than a silly gimmick. “What kind of lyrics are these? Who came up with this concept?”

Chan, Zirin, and Ruon all point at one another before ultimately jabbing their fingers at Zirin who points to Azula herself.

Azula pinches the bridge of her nose. “Necrophilia, Zirin? That’s what you came up with?”

“You said that you wanted ‘attention grabbing’.” Zirin shrugs.

Azula rubs her hands over her face. “Our talents need to be attention grabbing.” Hers certainly are and she needs lyrics and a concept that will do them good service. “We need something that will highlight and showcase what we can do.” An absurd gimmick will only draw attention away from the aspects that matter the most.

“You got any better ideas?” Zirin grumbles.

Ruon quirks a brow and smirks, “we can try…”

“Don’t say it.” Azula frowns.

“Surf rock.” Chan finishes for him.

“We need something bigger.” Azula declares. “Something that hasn’t been done before.” She wishes that she would have saved their dragon metal concept for a later date. Then again, dragon metal is what had given them the propulsion they needed to break out from under her father’s shadow. The propulsion they needed to get their start.

But now she is at a loss for how to top that. She can’t imagine that there are many things that can top emerging on stage with a full suit of glimmering metal scales and glowing talons. She isn’t sure what can draw attention better than staring down an audience with reptilian contact lenses.

“I heard that steampunk is in.” Chan shrugs.

“Steampunk is overdone.”

“Zombies?” Zirin suggests.

Azula shakes her head. “The Blind Bandits already did that.”

“We can hold a seance on stage.” She tries again.

“Why are you so keen on utilizing dead things?” Azula pinches the bridge of her nose. Though a seance isn’t a particularly terrible idea if, perhaps, they incorporated other elements, such as handing out tickets in the form of tarot cards. “I suppose we might be able to work with that.”

But an evening of phantoms and psychic energy is a rather far leap from dragon metal and she isn’t sure that their style of music would line up neatly with the aesthetics of a supernatural night…

She spares a glance to the clock. “Keep coming up with ideas, we need to practice.”

“We’ve played these songs hundreds of times, shouldn’t we be coming up with some new songs?” Chan asks. “From Ashes To Phoenix, just announced their second new single.”

Azula’s face reddens if only slightly. “Zuzu can release as many new singles as he wants, that won’t make them sound any better than someone chewing on a microphone with feedback for three minutes.”

Chan stifles a laugh.

She should have known then that the rest of practice was going to be a waste. She has known Chan since they were children and she knows how he can be. She isn’t particularly surprised when he makes practice hell, purposely floundering his way through certain guitar riffs and singing off key when he saw most optimal. His screw ups always through Ruon off and eventually Zirin would practically flop over her drum kit with laughter.

As per usual, Azula is the only one not laughing.

As per usual, Azula is the only one with anything real at stake.

She is reminded quite potently of it when her father calls. Chan has thrown Ruon off for the sixth time that night, they already have to take it from the top so Azula steps out into the hallway and swipes to answer.

He starts in on her before she can even put the phone to her ear. “How is it that your brother has already put out two new singles and you haven’t even come up with one?”

“Because I’m trying to come up with something that has some quality.” She has chosen her words carefully but neglected to watch her tone.

She thinks that it would be more befitting of him to simply yell violently at her. But his voice is so slick and smooth that she can’t even hide behind incoherence. “I’m not funding your band for you to disgrace the legacy. I handed you a blazing torch and you are letting the fire die.”

“I’m trying to…” she pauses. “Pick out the best kindling. Something that will burn for a long time. Zuko is just tossing random sticks into the pit and hoping something will catch.”

This seems to satisfy him, though it doesn’t keep him from ending the call with a curt, “there’s a fine line between perfecting a song and stalling.” He doesn’t even know that she hasn’t started working on a song yet.

He doesn’t need to know.

She rubs her hands over her face. The man was pissed when Zuko’s first album flopped and he’d had low expectations to begin with. She vividly recalls childhood music lessons; they’d come so naturally to her. She could pick up a violin or stroke the keys of a piano and it would come out just right after the first few tries.

Her voice, they said, was golden. A gift. A marvel. She had impressive range. She has impressive range.

And Zuko, even with extra lessons and several teachers struggled to make use of even a recorder. His vocals were ‘generic’, ‘nothing special’  and sometimes he would sing off tune. Ozai wasn’t fond of his improv either when lyrics slipped his mind.

He still forgets lyrics.

His own lyrics.

Azula isn’t sure how he hasn’t yet been booed off of a stage. She supposes there are perks in having magazine writers fawning over abs and ‘chiseled faces’.

But she wants more than that. She wants real talent. She wants a voice so sublime and lyrics so powerful that they draw focus away from any other aspect of her. She loathes and dreads the day when they push out cover that fancies her physique over her genius.

She won’t rely on that.

Unlike Zuko, she doesn’t need to.

She has a voice and she can do things with it that so many others can’t. She glares at Chan and Ruon as they cackle to themselves. She joins them once more, whatever aura she emits, their laughter cuts off. “Are you finished?”

They nod and Zirin nods.

“Good.” She says in a low hiss. “Start over. This time lets focus. We’re going to have a new song by the end of the night.”

It will be a lackluster song, but it will pacify her father, at least until she can come up with something better.

By the end of the session the only thing that she has acquired for her troubles is a headache and a sudden resentment of Zirin. Chan at least knows when to bring a terrible and tired joke to an end. Zirin is a collection of relentless crass comments.

Even if she doesn’t mean any harm by them, she doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up. Sometimes Azula thinks that Zirin is holding the rest of them back. Sometimes she regrets seeing the potential in her. Sometimes she regrets having vouched for her during music lessons until the teachers saw the same thing that she did.

Sometimes she thinks that she only lets Zirin stay because she is Chan’s girlfriend.

Sometimes she lets it go and carries on with practice as though the comments are only mild annoyances. And most of the time they are.

Tonight she has had her fill of aggravation.

Tonight she has had her fill of letting the woman pound on the drums every time she attempted to speak. She locks her microphone in its stand and without another word or a glance back, she leaves the recording studio.

As the door slams she could hear Zirin remark, “daddy’s little diva.”

She doesn’t know how long they wait for her to come back. But she doesn’t. Not that night. Were it not for her father’s expectations she would be well on her way to finding new bandmates. She can’t afford that yet; she is too pressed for time.

Too awkward and isolated to find anyone else anyhow.

She uses her walk home to come up with excuses as to why practice has been cut so short.

.oOo.

Seicho doesn’t expect a call so soon. Spirits, it would be embarrassing if her work had given Azula an allergic reaction. With the woman’s number flashing across her cellphone screen, she pictures rock ‘n roll legend, Fire Lord Ozai showing up at the shop all muscle and fury to tell her off for ruining his daughter’s flawless skin.

Seicho shudders and grins all at once. She isn’t sure if she would particularly mind getting yelled at by her idol, it would be like one of his concerts, but without the music. She picks up the call before it can go to voicemail.

“If it’s a rash, you should probably call the doctor! I’m sorry for…”

“What are you talking about?” She can see Azula’s half-frown through the phone.

Seicho clears her throat. “Nevermind, I thought that you were someone else.” She lies. “Is everything going okay with your tattoo?”

“So far, yes.”

“Are you cleaning it at least twice daily.”

“I clean it once in the morning, once at noon, and once at night. I’m not calling to talk about my tattoo.”

“What are you calling for then?”

Azula is silent for quite a while.

“I suppose I just want someone to talk to.”

Seicho very nearly asks her why she doesn’t just phone a friend, why she has decided to talk to her of all people. Instead she inquires, “what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” There is a long pause. “Nevermind.” The phone clicks.

.oOo.

She feels foolish hanging up just to call again. But her father is still up and about, she sees his silhouette behind the curtain and she hasn’t come up with an excuse that he’d accept. She could tell him that Chan had to leave early but then he’d ask why she hadn’t continued without him. She could say that the other two refused but then he’d question her lack of control and ask why she didn’t practice alone.

She should just enter and get it over with, it is better if she does. It is the difference between a scolding and a slap.

But today she can’t take any more berating. She hits redial and holds the phone up to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Can we meet somewhere?” She doesn’t bother backtracking to return the greeting.

Seicho draws out her pause for so long that Azula nearly hangs up a second time. “Does the skate park sound good? I’m already there.”

It isn’t her scene. “I’ll be there.” She hangs up before the girl can change her mind.

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter One

Harry was lonely, ever since his first album kicked off so successfully he had learned that people are assholes and liked to use people for fame. He has also learned he couldn't do casual hookups. He could never allow himself to go the whole way no matter who it was with or how drunk he tried to get himself just so he wasn't a 21-year-old virgin. He wanted to date. He wanted to be in love.

Which was how, after drinking an entire bottle of wine by himself in his hotel room, he found himself on Anonymous, a discreet dating app that matched people based on sexual orientation, commitment level, and interests. No pictures, no personal information except your name and age. He was debating on it, whether or not to do it, or to delete the app when he felt the sudden urge to just do it and get it over with.

He started with the first name box and typed Harold, moving on to the last name box he typed in Stones. He then filled out his other information such as his age, 21. The next step was his likes and dislikes which was pretty easy. Afterward, he made sure his sexual orientation was marked gay and made an age group he was comfortable with then made his profile public.

He went to his bio and after a bit of thinking just decided on a quick sentence to sum it up, Looking for someone to come home to after traveling. With that, he closed the app and put his phone on the charger then turned over and went to sleep knowing it could take up to 24-48 hours for the app to start matching you.

Louis walked into the townhouse he shared with Zayn, Liam, and Niall after dismissing the horrible date in his car. He knew he should have driven himself, but he and the guy had been talking for two weeks, so he figured it would be fine. It wasn't fine. Louis likes sex, he was always having sex back in uni, but recently he hasn't been happy with just a quickie. He was ready to start settling down and making plans about the future and was in it for the long haul now. Apparently no one else near his age was at that point. He was 23, 24 at the end of the year, two of his best friends were getting married to each other in eight months.

"How was the date Tommo?" Niall asked turning back to look at him from the sectional.

"He was in love."

"That fast?"

"I understand some people fall in love quickly and all, but I mean come on. We've been messaging each other for two weeks." Louis pushed himself off the door he had been leaning on and moved to sit on the sectional sofa, "what are you watching?"

"No idea." Louis snorted reaching for the bowl of popcorn Niall was munching on, grabbing a fistful of it and putting a piece into his mouth.

"You know I've been on the new app called Anonymous. Its actually pretty cool, you just give it your interests, likes and dislikes, hobbies, age, name, and commitment level. No pictures, no personal information. Just your personality and what you like. I've been talking to this girl on there and we actually click really well." Niall told him, Louis scrunched his face up

"That sounds risky."

"Nope. Everyone is verified. A matcher will contact you and ask you questions about yourself and make sure you are real and if a person has a verified check by their profile that means they've been checked over. After that, you start getting matched to five people and you can decide if you're into talking to them. If not just press decline and if you are press accept. You're only able to talk to three people at once so you have to be specific."

"Sounds like a lot of work."

"Says the guy who is on his fourth dating app." Louis paused as his thumb clicked on the dating apps folder on his phone showing he actually had six installed, "oh sixth dating app, my bad. Did you really download Grindr?"

"No." Louis said as he uninstalled said app without looking at Niall as he cracked up beside him. "I'm going to bed, have work in the morning. Night."

"Night Grindr boy." Louis sent his laughing mate a glare before hurrying up the stairs to his bedroom.

If he just happened to go to the app store and install Anonymous...well that was his business and Niall will never find out. Louis laid in bed going through the somewhat familiar steps by now. The only difference was that you had to list more than ten likes and dislikes and more than five hobbies you do or would like to do. Nothing like the other dating apps which was completely optional and mostly ignored. After his profile was completed he closed the app and went to sleep.

**

Three days later Louis was on his break when he got a notification from Anonymous that he was matched to five potential interests. He had hesitated but clicked on the app then click on the matches section reading the first match.

Name: Dan Stevens Age: 26

And that was when it went downhill, the guy was heavy metal punk and Louis was not into that do he declined it. The next three weren't that much better, but the last one for the day seemed alright.

Name: Joshua Wilder

Age: 22

His hobbies were a bit more athletic than Louis was okay with, but that could be compromised on. His commitment however was "something casual/nonexclusive" which Louis was definitely not okay with. However, he figured everything starts causal in a way so he accepted it getting a popup his next potential matches will be ready within 12-24 hours. He had to wait to see if Joshua would match with him before he could send a message so he locked his phone and finished his lunch.

Harry hasn't been having any good luck with the app, he had completed all of the requirements for verification but had declined nearly every match so far. He was too nervous to actually go through with it and the few he had accepted and accepted him when he told them he was demi-sexual and wouldn't be having sex anytime soon stopped talking to him and Harry got notified the match declined him. It was a week after the making of the profile, Harry was feeling stupid for doing it when he got notified of his daily matches. Sighing heavily he clicked on the notification and looked through them.

Name: David Brockman

DECLINED

Name: Franklin Bottons

DECLINED

Name: Stewart Wesley

DECLINED

Name: Kyler Jennsons

DECLINED

Name: Louis Tomlinson

Age: 23

Commitment Level: Committed/Looking For Someone To Marry

Hobbies: Skiing, Surfing, Writing, Reading, Singing, Playing Guitar, Playing Footie

Interests: Skiing, Surfing, Writing, Reading, Singing, Playing Guitar, Football, Traveling, Watching Movies, Musicals

Dislikes: Hiking, Cats, Cycling, Running, Yoga, Avocados, Cooking, Horror Films, The Vegan Craze, Trendy Shit

The last few things threw him off a bit, but Harry shrugged and accepted him. He was the only one that was lining up with his interests and if he turns out to be just another one around for a bed partner Harry would delete the app and pretend it never happened.

Louis got the notification that he had a new match while he was playing fifa with the lads. He ignored it in favor of scoring a goal then he grabbed his phone and opened the app.

Name: Harold Stones

Age: 21

Hobbies: Singing, Dancing, Baking, Cooking, Travelling, Reading

Interests: Singing, Dancing, Baking, Cooking, Travelling, Reading Swimming, Surfing, Skiing, Snowboarding, Canoeing, Musicals, Films, Photography, Writing, Playing Guitar, Volunteering

Dislikes: Horror Films, Spiders, Mountain Climbing, Skydiving, Archery, Paragliding, Mountain Bungee Jump, Volcano Boarding, Heights, Roller-coasters

Louis remembered why he accepted him, he had drunk a lot of beer one night and thought, "if this guy doesn't like volcano boarding that means he actually did it and he had to ask him why" and so he accepted him. The guy seemed like fun and they had a lot of similar interests so he messaged him.

Why volcano boarding?

Louis honestly wanted to know who in their right mind surfed a volcano slope. He locked his phone, tossed it to the side, and continued the game.

"Yellow card! Foul! You tripped me! Louis shouted looking between Zayn and the game.

"I admit to nothing." Zayn said as he scored a goal

"I saw it mate don't worry." Niall said as he stole the ball from Liam, "take that."

"That was low." Liam said, "I didn't even do anything."

"No, but your fiance did." Louis said

"HE SHOOTS HE SCORES!" Niall shouted as Louis scored the winning goal of the match

"Night lads." Louis grabbed his phone and headed upstairs to his room putting his phone on the charger before he took a shower for the night.

[happymetalgirl]

The 15 Worst Metal Albums of 2020

This list might have been shorter if not for my running into a few awful albums at the end of the year that I had been avoiding wisely up until that point. My morbid curiosity got the best of me, and what’s done is done. I’m paying the price for it by going back over the worst albums I heard all year. Let’s get this over with.

15. Ghøstkid - Ghøstkid

This was the debut solo album from the former singer of Eskimo Callboy, who had a pretty decent backing of hype heading into this release under the Ghøstkid moniker, but with the namesake frontman putting in no more than the standard performance on a bunch of poorly assembled tracks in an unappealing and dated poppy metalcore style, ultimately the eponymous album wound up disappointing me pretty substantially.

14. Powerman 5000 - The Noble Rot

Powerman 5000 are just such a low-rate band that even one of their more okay albums makes it here. While not as astoundingly, mind-numbingly basic as their worst material, The Noble Rot is still some of the most unevolved, underwritten, and forgettable electro rock and industrial metal I’ve heard from a big name artist. This is some eighth grade level songwriting here, and that’s a fuckin’ feat for a band that’s been around longer than any eighth grader has.

13. Corey Taylor - CMFT

There was a lot of hype around Corey Taylor finally coming out with a solo project, and it was pretty damn disappointing to hear a bunch of uninteresting classic rock too tacky for Stone Sour. CMFT focuses on the fun side that has made its creator such an enigmatic figurehead in the metal press, but its one-note approach does little more than highlight Corey Taylor’s songwriting deficiencies. I really could have seen this album turning out better too, with just some more time and care put into it, if a fun time of an album is what Taylor was going for. Unfortunately Taylor tried to make a party album and a grand ceremonial tribute to his greatness at the same time, and ego-petting and partying don’t really go hand in hand.

12. Evildead - United States of Anarchy

It has some good bones underneath it, but Evildead’s long overdue (if anyone was asking for it) third album wears out its welcome so quickly with some of the most adolescent thrash I’ve heard in a while. The band gets some good rhythms going and the vocals aren’t terrible either, fitting the older thrash style pretty well. But the band’s predictable formula tires out very quickly, and the political commentary of the lyrics is too cheesy and cringeworthy to ignore. It seems every year we get a handful of these kinds of albums that try to get into the simmering thrash revival with some ultra retro approach, and a good portion of those albums are from long-defunct bands who figure their primitive old-school approach might be a selling point despite their sounds often being even more juvenile against the backdrop of today’s metal landscape. So it’s not a huge surprise or anything to hear an album as ham-fisted and corny as United States of Anarchy; this year it just happened to be Evildead.

11. Five Finger Death Punch - F8

They may not always place highest in this list, but they always manage to make it here, and this was actually an improvement on the last album, not that that’s saying all that much. In fact, I’d say this is the only time in the band’s history that they actually shifted their trajectory upwards. But while the band’s ugly continual creative decay has been a hard thing to watch and made them the five finger punching bag of the metal world, there seems to be a large enough swath of mouthbreathing chuds who love their incoherent derivative shit and flock to their shows enough to put them in lucrative headlining slots and on top of the metal world. Goddamn that sure sounds a lot like someone else we all know doesn’t it. I’ve criticized them plenty in the past, and while indeed an improvement, F8 only mildly remedies the numerous problems with Five Finger Death Punch. Still septic to the system are the predictably formulaic and tiresome songwriting, the stale production, the corny butt rock choruses, the shitty bootlicking worldview that bleeds into Ivan Moody’s douchey and faux-deep lyrics, the contrived ballads and country-dabbling. Even with an improvement in the flow of the track listing and a few more bangers that somewhat hearken back to their first album, F8 is still an over-thought and overly calculated batch of Sirius XM fodder that’s trying to please everyone in some superficial way. I’ll grant that it seems as though the band realized they had been giving the more metal-immersed side of their fanbase that has been with them the longest smaller and smaller crumbs with each new album. I’m not gonna hold my breath for this being anything more than placating for the time being; I’m sure the next album will find the band back on whatever bullshit they feel (or their execs feel) they need to be on to pull enough streams from inattentive radio metal bros. I always end with the disclaimer that I still steadfastly stand by the band’s first two albums, and even American Capitalist to a degree, and that I totally acknowledge the immense potential for greatness this band could seemingly at any time decide to fulfill. Ivan Moody is a talented vocalist with a lot of star power and they really could have been the second coming of Pantera or singlehandedly ignited a new wave of American groove metal and metalcore or carried it on their own. But instead the band have followed the money on the path of least resistance to fast-track their way to the top of festival tickets, which I’m sure affords them quite enough luxury and comfort in life, more than most bands these days get, but it doesn’t exempt them from criticism, and unfortunately I think their legacy will show that they were a lowest common denominator kind of band at the end of the day when they could have been, again, like a second Pantera or something.

10. Anvil - Legal at Last

Another year, another album of Anvil unable to evolve past their prototypic thrash of their forty-year-old origins. Though as tacky as ever, Anvil actually also managed to make a mild improvement on their last album on the musical front at least. The songs are a little more energetic and easier to get through, if not for the lyricism though. Anvil lyrics are never anything beyond a fourth-grader’s poetry assignment for their English class, but some of the Facebook boomer lyrics here are fucking cringy dude. A quick look at the track listing will let you know exactly where you’re gonna find the juiciest cringe, but honestly, even as far as cringe goes it’s nothing comedically special and cringe culture in general is played out anyway. So do yourself a favor and just ignore Anvil the way they deserve to be ignored.

9. Halestorm - Reimagined

It feels a little harsh to place an EP here, especially for a band whose album back in 2018 was one of the best things I have heard to come out of hard rock in a long time. But these stripped back covers and revisions of songs from the band’s catalog just suck all the oomph out of them, perhaps making the case by contrast for the importance of the role the rest of the band behind the indeed charismatic powerhouse frontwoman Lzzy Hale play in making their sound what it is. It’s unlikely this points to any kind of new direction for them, so I’m not particularly worried about them running into this problem again. Plus, I don’t think Halestorm and Lzzy Hale are like fundamentally incompatible with more ballad-y rock music, this forced balladization of older songs just did not work, and it makes perfect sense as to why.

8. Gama Bomb - Sea Savage

The fact that this album is only number 8 on this list is just depressing for its reminder of just how much shittier it got this year. The fact that there are seven albums from this yet worse than Sea Savage, goddamn. With one exception, this was maybe the stupidest album I heard all year, at least in the thrash department it was. God this thing is a sugar high mess. I feel like a toddler on an entire bag of Halloween candy or an elementary schooler on a 2-liter of Mountain Dew sat at a computer to program a thrash album would’ve probably come up with something like this. The erratic operatic highs and dumbass lyrics, it all just embodies everything that ever made thrash look bad. It’s like that drunk guy at a party who’s hyper as shit and doing a bunch of crazy stunts for attention because he thinks it’ll make the people there like him more, but really he’s just embarrassing himself. Yeah, definitely the worst thrash metal album I heard all year, and one I wish I could unhear.

7. Amaranthe - Manifest

One of the albums I was avoiding but reviewed late out of my own weird sense of obligation that I wasn’t surprised to find only validated my reasons for avoiding it in the first place. The weird combo of dancy pop music and power metal isn’t as crazy of an idea as it might seem at first thought. In fact, that’s basically in part what Babymetal are doing, and actually getting better and better at. But Amaranthe get the worst of both worlds with Manifest, unsavory pop melodies and utterly generic symphonic metal to make for something I’m not at all surprised I was so repulsed by.

6. Trapt - Shadow Work

Yep, I listened to it. God, no wonder this band is flailing in irrelevance with aggressive MAGA nonsense being their only audible desperate plea for attention. The album, thank fuck, isn’t steeped in the same bitch boy tantrum that the band’s singer has engaged in all year to the point of getting his band’s Facebook page banned for hate speech, and the music isn’t like offensively poorly made or anything like that either. There’s clearly a conscious meeting of the baseline requirements for the type of music they make, but holy fuck it’s so damn flavorless and predictable. It’d be one thing if this was the trendy thing to be doing, but this diet hard rock for people who think Three Days Grace is too wild has been out of fashion for over a decade. And Trapt are just recycling the same dumb formula that overstayed it’s welcome in the early 2000’s. Yeah, I’m not surprised at all, but god, it’s the kind of thing that has to be apparent to the band themselves too unless they’re lacking of any and all self-awareness. Trapt have thrown themselves to the forefront of the online metal world’s discourse by being an annoying, toxic, and childish presence all year; the silver lining being the unity among metalheads in roasting their laughable posturing about their Pandora numbers and the juicy memes about their one hit “Headstrong” that rile the snowflake singer up without fail. And this shit album is just another reason to laugh at them and more fuel to roast their crybaby Trumper frontman with. Go back into your hole, Trapt. 3/10

5. Unleash the Archers - Abyss

I talked about it in my review, but there really is only one simple thing that sinks this album so low. And that is just how incredibly low-effort and lifeless it is with a genre that’s supposed to be so life-affirming. Power metal isn’t the most highly revered genre in metal, but that’s just for its cheesiness. I love it; when it’s at its best, it’s some of the most inspiring metal music out there and I genuinely wish there was a bigger demand across the board for it. But Unleash the Archers just sound so flat and unenthusiastic in this album, and, sorry, in power metal, unabashed enthusiasm is just nonnegotiable. The guitar parts are phoned in and lacking in imagination, and the vocals especially are so narrow-range, it’s all so antithetical to the ethos of power metal and it doesn’t make a strong case for itself. I’ll leave it there; this album is lazy and lifeless so I feel no need to waste any of my time and work on it.

4. Burzum - Thûlean Mysteries

Ol’ Varg must’ve needed a new wizard hat or camouflage pants or whatever goofy shit he’s been doing since retiring the Burzum name to focus on his racism and LARPing because I thought Burzum was supposed to be finished. I thought you were done with Burzum, Varg. Apparently not too done to not dump an hour and a half of embarrassingly half-baked ambient dungeon synth song fragments that sound, so many of them, quite obviously unfinished. Varg Vikernes has been a washed-up shell of the musical god the various weirdos who idolize him make him out to be for a long time now, and it has shown in the gradually degrading work he had put out after his release from prison. Yet after clearly not caring about creating music in any meaningful way for a long time, Varg drops this heap of shit in his fans’ laps. I suppose they deserve it, but I’m sure some of them are delusional enough to lap it up with a smile on their face while still believing their white nationalist idol to be a musical genius. Again, it’s entirely dull ambient music, not metal at all, but it deserves to be shit upon for its astounding laziness and purposelessness.

3. Asking Alexandria - Like a House on Fire

Doubling down on exactly the unflattering crossover of pop music with their significantly sanitized butt rock in their apparent quest for arena glory that started with their self-titled album back in 2017, Asking Alexandria’s bid for the big spotlight that Imagine Dragons occupies didn’t get any stronger this year with Like a House on Fire. After three or four years of aiming for this style, the band still aren’t even all that competent with the basics of fucking pop rock, which is pretty downright laughable. Honestly, for an album so high up here on my shit list, my feelings on it are more or less just that of unsurprised disappointment; as soon as I got a feel for what the band were doing with the album, I knew it was going to be a mess of predictable results. And lo and behold. This was just such a wholly inexcusably floppy paper towel of an album, and one more Asking Alexandria release I know I won’t be returning to ever again.

2. Hollywood Undead - New Empire, Vol. 2

Coming on at the last minute to get on the scoreboard, reliably, is Hollywood Undead. When I reviewed both volumes of this project earlier, I referred to them as “corporate Linkin Park”, and I stand by that 100%. This album especially showcases nothing but what an incoherent, vapid, clout-chasing act they are, with such a corny, focus-grouped sound that sounds like it was made in a lab by a bunch of out-of-touch boomers. God, they could’ve been safe too if they had left it with the more tolerable first volume back in January, but this follow-up sequel from just this month was exactly why I had avoided listening to the first installment in the first place. And I should’ve never played this second one either. The album opener, “Medicate”, is probably the worst song I sat through in my own volition this year, and the rest of the album doesn’t get much better. It’s nothing new for Hollywood Undead after I gave their 2017 album my award for least favorite album of that year: more unfitting interplay between machismo posturing Eminem-cosplay and the sappiest, wimpiest radio rock and pop choruses; more cringy tough-guy struggle bars; more forgettable-at-best instrumentals. Congrats again, Hollywood Undead, you made one of the worst albums of the year once again.

But even worse than Hollywood Undead is an album that I feel like is already so legendarily bad, that there is no other album that could’ve been sat here. It had to be this one.

1. Six Feet Under - Nightmares of the Decomposed

Shitty metal bands everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief any year Six Feet Under decide to put out new music because any album they release is just about bound to end up as everyone’s #1 worst album of the year, and boy is that guarantee becoming more and more airtight with each successive release. It’s truly astounding too how Six Feet Under manages to outdo themselves every time. I don’t even want to think about what could possibly come after Nightmares of the Decomposed; we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But for now, holy fermented shit, this thing is not just bad, it’s like the holy grail of terrible TERRIBLE albums and I don’t want to know what kind of apocalyptically despicable album Chris Barnes and company could possibly conjure to outdo this one. And make no mistake, it’s still Chris Barnes dragging this band down. I gave this album a 1/10 instead of a 0/10 because there was at least a sliver of salvageable instrumentation on it, as thin of a sliver as it was, a few halfway decent musical ideas of you squinted hard enough. The instrumentalists are checked out and clearly just participating for the paycheck, but I can’t even imagine what kind of professional instrumental performance could possibly overshadow the embarrassment that Chris Barnes put to tape in the studio here. Maybe that says it, because it honestly sounds utterly unprofessional. It’s baffling how this got through management and sound engineering to be released to the public because I don’t think I’ve ever even heard any amateur high school band’s vocalist sound this bad. Vocal ingenuity is generally something to be applauded in the metal world, and pioneers like Randy Blythe, Dani Filth, and Travis Ryan deserve all the praise they get for their innovation with dirty metal vocals, yet what Chris Barnes has “invented” here on Nightmares of the Decomposed to compensate for his continually-deteriorating vocals is just sad. The man simply cannot perform highs anymore, clearly, and the alternative is this fucking comical, cartoonish squealing that sounds more like a bratty toddler gargling their own snot than it does anything fitting for a death metal record, even a death metal record at stupid and cheesy as Nightmares of the Decomposed. Chris Barnes should be thankful that metal is not a sport and that there’s not nearly as much of an abundance of performance statistics to point to and analyze to see what kind of records are broken in a legendarily awful performance. I feel like if there were any kind of performance stats to pull up, this album would have to break some kinds of records. Like this is worse than that 7-1 Germany-Brazil World Cup game, this would be like if the Brazilian team all got unholy levels of blazed and repeatedly scored on themselves because they kept going the wrong way and kicking the ball into their own net, and then pissing their fucking shorts. Even in 7-1 defeat, Brazil had more dignity than Chris Barnes here. Six Feet Under and their label have to know they are a laughing stock and that people will listen to them at this point for the sheer entertainment value of how mind-blowingly awful they sound. It’s not an illegitimate marketing tactic, and it’s the only explanation I can come up with for how this passed inspection. If that’s their mission, to be a spectacle and instill cringe in death metal fans in a regular ritual of comically stupid performances across every successive album, they’re sure doing it, and I guess this baffling headache-trophy is their well-earned prize. Congratulations Six Feet Under, you did it again! Worst metal album of the year.