#okay but how fucking cute is this bong

[bass-alien]

🖤💗🖤

[femonologue]

Many years ago, I was wandering around downtown Ottawa with my best friend. We ran into a friend of his who offered us some hash (it sucked), then said there was a really good house party nearby if we wanted to go. We were like, yeah, sure. So that's how we ended up at some completely fucking random person's house.

I look around to ask if my friend knows anyone here and he's simply gone, as is his friend. And this isn't some red solo cup hangout; this is a party. There's people counting out pills on the kitchen counter. I am clearly neither as cool nor as drug-savvy as the kitchen people, so I back away and instead wander aimlessly into the living room, which seems to give off more of a chill vibe.

A bunch of people are seated in a circle on the floor. One of them is fiddling with a big wad of newspaper or something. A really cute grunge girl with piercings and tattoos scoots aside to make room for me, so I sit down.

"What's that," I ask her, gesturing at the newspaper wad.

She gets a really big smile on her face. You know the smile. It's the I'm About To Watch This Innocent Soul Get High As Fuck smile. "You've never smoked a tulip?"

"What's a tulip?" I ask.

"It's like if a joint was also a bong," she replies. "You gotta try it."

"Alright," I reply, a little uncertainly. This will not be my first encounter with weed. I am more comfortable with the janky newspaper bong than I am with whatever the fuck is going on in the kitchen. Besides, this girl is really cute and I would like to have a friend here now that my existing friend has turned into vapor or been transported to the Upside-Down or whatever the hell happened to him.

I watch as one person holds the newspaper joint-bong upright and holds a lighter over the top while another gets beneath it, tilting their head back to take a puff. Apparently smoking this Cheech & Chong monstrosity is a two-person job.

"Oh," I say, looking at the fist-sized knob at the top of the wonky newspaper joint. "Yeah, it does kinda look like a tulip." Grunge girl smiles at me.

I watch as the tulip is passed around the circle, along with the lighter, and hits are cooperatively taken. It reaches grunge girl, who takes a huge puff and holds it for an extended moment before exhaling an impressive blast of smoke. She smiles expectantly and holds the tulip up for me, preparing to spark the gigantic meteor of dank that makes up its tip. By this point I have completely forgotten about my missing friend. I only care about making a good impression on grunge girl. I tilt my head back and hit the tulip like a smokestack.

It is the following morning. I am sleeping between a couch and a wall. I'm not positive that this is the same house I was just in. My memories are gone. Someone is yelling at me: "dude! Dude! Wake up, dude!"

I sit up. My mouth tastes like cigarettes. I do not smoke cigarettes. "Wha," I ask the yelling man, who I am quite confident I have never met before in my life.

"We're going on a quest," he tells me, gravely. "You have to come with us."

I look around. Neither my friend nor his friend are anywhere in sight. I also do not see grunge girl anywhere. I shrug helplessly. "Okay."

We embark from this house. I learn that the destination of this quest is Tim Horton's. This is a relief to me, as coffee and a donut sounds really fucking good right now. Somehow, the route to Tim Horton's takes us past the Governor-General's residence, which everyone else in the group loudly heckles on the way past. I do not know what the Governor-General has done to raise their ire, nor do I particularly care. I trudge along with my hands in my pockets, pleased to note that I still have my wallet, phone, and keys. I fervently wish that I could remember anything about last night. Maybe I talked to grunge girl. Maybe she's why my mouth tastes like cigarettes. The tulip tasted nothing like cigarettes.

I am asked about my politics. I voice my frustrations with corporate corruption, the pay-to-win electoral system, the lack of transparency and accountability. This is met with great approval. The guy who was yelling at me claps me on the back. I get the impression that we became friends last night. I don't recognize his face. I do not know his name and he definitely does not know mine. I behave as though we're friends anyway. We are comrades on a quest.

By the time we make it to Tim Hortons, the gaggle of stoners I'm walking with have all run out of energy and/or attention span. People order snacks and break away in pairs or solo, to call for rides or plan the day's events or just vegetate and wait for the drugs to leave their systems. I look around and find that my nameless friend has also gone to the Upside-Down. As I wash the cigarette taste out of my mouth with coffee, I unsuccessfully try to remember whether I saw grunge girl smoking tobacco at any point. I remember nothing. That tulip was so fucking powerful that it instantly sent me a whole day forward in time.

Alone in the city, I try to call my best friend and get no answer. I walk to the nearest bus stop, catch a bus most of the way home, and call up my parents to ask for a ride back. They ask where my friend is. I tell them that I have no idea; we went to a house party and I don't remember anything else.

When they pick me up from the bus station, they ask me some very safe, nonspecific questions, and seem to relax when I describe what little I can remember. It isn't until years later that I realize they were probably terrified I'd gotten rufied or something, and were so relieved to learn otherwise that they didn't even bother chiding me for smoking myself unconscious in an effort to impress a strange woman. In any case, they were probably happy to find out that I did, in fact, like girls; I suspect they had been privately wondering whether I was gay.

After getting home, I finally manage to get my best friend to answer his phone. I discover that he tried the kitchen pills, spent most of the night crossing the entire city on foot, and crashed at his cousin's house. He sounds like shit. I tell him that he should have tried the tulip, instead. He fervently agrees with me.

I never see grunge girl again.

That's okay, though. She got to see a clueless stranger get fucked the entire way up on some ungodly strain of giga-weed, and I got smiled at by a cute girl, and then I got to go on a quest. Wherever grunge girl is, I hope she's happy. I hope she's smoking the fattest fucking blunt and smiling as some kid passes out behind a couch.

[jammydodger3579]

Mary Jane Mindset

Summary: Wade and Logan get stoned together.

A/N: this was requested on discord, so hopefully yall like it. Haven't written for Wade before so enjoy. Sorry it's short lol. Patreon here

18+ for mature audiences only

700+ word count.

Warnings: drug use, swearing

“No, absolutely not” 

“Come on, just once... It’s a rite of passage!”

“I’ve done it before and I didn’t like it” Logan looked at the bong in front of him. It was disgusting, bright pink and covered in my little pony stickers. He looked at Wade, who was smiling like a schoolgirl. “Didn’t even work, healing factor and all”

“Not this strain, I grew it myself. From a wee baby plant. I call it “Bruce Banner” cause it’s big, mean and green. Could probably get him stoned too. God knows he needs it” 

“Have you even cleaned this thing?” He picked up the bong, looking at it questioningly. Wade shook his head. 

“Not even once. Keeps the good stuff in” Logan sighed, placing it back down on the coffee table. Wade walked into the kitchen and looked around in a drawer for a bit before walking back to the couch. He chucked some rolling papers at Logan. “Here, is that better?” Wade said, looking at the man. Logan nodded. 

“Okay fine, just this once” Logan said, caving into Wade’s antics. Wade giggled and clapped his hands together. Logan had been living with Wade for the past three weeks, and they seemed to get along enough. Logan mostly tolerated him, especially since he was staying with Wade and Blind Al for free. Wade got out his rolling tray and started grinding up the flower. Logan scoffed, Wade’s whole set-up was pink and purple, and his grinder was the shape of a cinnamon roll. “Cute” 

“You know you love it. Yukio got it for me” “I’m sure she did” Logan handed the rolling papers over to Wade. He started rolling the joint, struggling a little. 

“We’re gonna need water, snacks and something to watch” Wade handed the tv remote to Logan. He flicked through the movie options before settling on one called The Room. “You picked the worst movie in the world!” 

“Not my problem” Logan said with a smirk. He got up and went to the kitchen. He got a bag of pretzels, chocolate biscuits and two glasses of water for himself and Wade. He placed everything down on the coffee table before resuming his seat next to Wade, who’s just finished rolling a joint. He put it between his lips and lit the end of it, puffing out the smoke. He took another puff before handing it to Logan, intentionally blowing smoke in his face. 

“Puff puff pass,” Wade said. Logan nodded, taking the joint. He took a drag, letting the smoke sit in his lungs for a while before exhaling. It had an earthy aftertaste. He did it again before handing the joint back to Wade. The two kept exchanging the joint as they watched the movie. Logan lifted his hand to point something out on the TV.

“Whoa, what the fuck” His whole arm felt like jelly as it was suspended in the air. Wade smiled, exhaling smoke through his nose. 

“You’re cooked” he laughed, looking at Logan. His eyes were bloodshot. Logan sat back on the couch. 

“Whoa, I feel like I’m sinking,” he said, shifting in his seat. Wade finished the joint off, putting it out in an ashtray. He was smiling, watching as Logan adjusts to being properly stoned for the first time. Logan looked around the room, his vision felt colourful. Everything seemed more vibrant and pretty. He looked at the man sitting next to him, face full of fondness. “How long is this gonna last?” 

“At least an hour, maybe longer. It’s trial by fire” Wade shrugged, stretching his arms over his head and yawning. “Man, I could nap right now” 

“Don’t fall asleep, tell me something interesting” 

“Okay well, have I ever told you about all the trolls movies?” Wade said, blinking to keep his eyes open. For the next half hour, Logan gave his full attention to Wade, listening intently. He wouldn’t admit it, but he loved listening to Wade ramble on about something he found interesting. “OH oh oh!! This is my favourite part!” Wade said pointing at the TV. “I did not hit her. It’s not true. It’s bullshit! I did not hit her, I did not! Oh hi, Mark” Wade quoted, doing the accent and everything. Logan smiled at the impression.

“I see why this is the worst movie,” he said, laughing. He didn’t want to admit he was having fun, but his actions gave it away. Wade smiled. 

“Look at you, enjoying yourself. I need to get you stoned more often” 

“Let's not make a habit of it” Logan said in a gruff voice, but he smiled afterwards. He grabbed the bag of pretzels and started eating. Food felt even more delicious than usual.

“There are other drugs we can try” 

“Absolutely not” 

[number1greedlingfan]

Headcanons that are meaningless to everyone but me (or extremely niche inside jokes formed by my friend group)

Hawkeye finds pleasantries, mostly "hello"s and "goodbye"s, pointless and kind of annoying. She'll sometimes engage in them in person but never over the phone. She often hangs up while the other person is mid "bye".

Havoc's "tried and true" opener on dates is that he prefers rainy weather because he, quote, "loves to curl up by the window with a good book and some tea". This is not only a bold-faced lie, but it hasn't helped him get past the first date so it's not any more effective than his other lines.

Fuery pulls more women than Havoc does (not that there was any competition lmao) but he is somehow unaware of this.

Mustang's singular hobby that he does purely for fun is building model ships. His only social interaction is with his coworkers because he does not have any other friends.

Ed thinks Winry is cooped up in her shop all day and all night but that's literally only when he shows up because he DOES IT UNANNOUNCED!! Winry has a thriving social life both in Resembool and Rush Valley. She knows every single person in Resembool and keeps tabs on the neighbors. She's invited to dinners and group outings all the time. People mourned when she moved to RV. Within a month of working at Garfiel's, she'd already met most of the people on the street and she remembers most of their names.

Because of her interests, it's often assumed that Winry is a "not like other girls" type but she is the exact opposite. If you say a single misogynistic thing about other girls' interests (like astrology or pop music) on a first date she is getting up and leaving.

Ling is hypermobile and can bend his hands like this️ ⬇️ as well as do things like back bends and pulling his shoulders out of their sockets. When he was younger he would go up to literally anyone (family members, visiting officials, perfect strangers) and ask if they wanted to see him pull his shoulder out and then not wait for an answer.

Ling's favorite fruit is mango. When he was seven he refused to eat anything but that and had so many that he threw up at a family function. (Mangos were ruined for him for two years.)

Lan Fan does not get sick often but when she does It's Bad and she's taken out for a week or more. When she was younger and delirious with fever, she started distressedly mumbling that she was turning into a cookie. Nothing would convince her otherwise (Fu tried everything). In the end, they had to get Ling to help and he calmed her down in seconds by saying "there are no crumbs so I think you're probably okay".

This is a small one: Lan Fan is on the ace spectrum.

When Mei cooks for other people she makes it as cute as humanly possible. Everything that can have a smiley face or heart on it will. Side note, Al and Mei are 100% a couple that cooks together.

Mei is a little bit fujopilled. You understand.

While he seems shady as hell, Greed's rap sheet is actually pathetically small. The worst crime he's ever committed is, of course, the single instance of kidnapping that we saw on screen.

Greed doesn't understand electricity. He thinks it's powered by electric eels ("eelectricity") and has numerous drawings in his diaries theorizing on the mechanics of these machines. Ex: A generator that has an eel tank with a water wheel inside of it. The drawing is accented with large arrows and question marks and "HOW DOES IT WORK"s. That being said! He's not stupid in all academics. Give this guy some numbers and put it in a financial context and he can calculate anything.

Greed likes the "finer things" but he also has bad taste and sometimes these clash horribly. Is the furniture in his home expensive? Yes. Does any of it match in any conceivable way? Fuck no. Also that nice walnut hutch that cost 1.5K is used solely to display his novelty bong collection.

Heinkel and Darius only became close and discovered the other was gay because of the Camping Trip. So,

[halfrican-heat]

Upstanding Gentleman (Ony)

Onyankopon was raised in a strict Ghanian household. He was pretty strait-laced...until he met you, of course. Still, Ony has many tricks up his sleeve that never fail to surprise you.

A/N: Yes, I'm high. Hello. So, this is the second Ony post I've had lingering in the back of my mind. It's in head cannon format but I think this could be something. Enjoy!

Warning(s): Explicit Sexual Content; Depictions of smoking marijuana; Penetrative Sex (p in v), Oral Sex (M receiving), Sex in childhood home, Black reader in mind, N-Word used; AAVE/Dialogue with Dialect

Pairing: Sober!Onyankopon x Stoner!Reader

Inspired by: Lauryn Hill and my bf :)

Sober!Ony was raised by a single mother who kept him in line. No drugs, no alcohol and he definitely had a curfew.

Straight A student and graduated the top of his class in high school

Spent majority of his childhood playing video games and taking apart old computers his mother would bring home from her teaching job.

Played basketball and practiced frequently with his friends

Loved taking photos and drawing

Only smoked weed once when he was seventeen and felt guilty about it for a week before he told his mom. (She smacked his head but wasn't that mad)

Never had a thing for drinking. His mom let him have some wine during his graduation dinner. His uncle, later that evening, gave him some liquor. Ony wasn't a fan.

Sober!Ony who went to college in a different state-- hours away from his mother.

He chose to go to a school pretty far away from home to study photography. He loved his mom but he felt like he needed a firm separation from his home life and college life.

That's where he met you. This sweet little thing from a town he had never heard of. So cute...

...and yet you smelled like trouble. Ony's suspicions were confirmed when you offered him a blunt in your car one night. Y'all had been talking for a minute at that point but you never gave off stoner vibes.

Ony declined but didn't mind hanging out as long as you rolled the windows down.

Turns out, you were a huge stoner. Bongs, smoking pieces, a stash larger than some of the ones he had seen back home. You weren't a plug, not really, you just really loved weed. You were super smart, too. Ony had known people like you from back home-- motivated stoners who smoked frequently but it didn't impede them getting shit done. You were like that and Ony really liked that about you.

Ony wasn't sure how to proceed at first but...one thing was sure: You had a hold on Onyankopon that he just couldn't deny.

Sober!Ony who, four years into your relationship, isn't super sober anymore.

"Mama, let me get one of them fruity drinks out the fridge." "They got alcohol in 'em Ony," You call from the kitchen. "I ain't ask you all that. They taste alright-- I feel like a classy nigga drinking them." "Okay, Classy Nigga," You say, bringing him one. "Mister Classy Nigga to you," He says, with a wide grin. "Pinkies out, baby."

Sober!Ony who branched out after meeting you but didn't partake as frequently as you did.

"Let me get a hit, baby." "Nigga, you don't smoke!" Ony kisses his teeth, side-eyeing you. "Then do that shit where you kiss me and blow the smoke in my mouth." You laugh loudly, throwing your head back at his nerve. "Okay, baby," You say, sparking up. Afterwards "Shit, where my inhaler at?"

Sober!Ony who made a great impression on your parents. Perhaps too great.

Your dad loves him, speaking highly of him every time your boyfriend comes up in conversation. "That Ony is a fine, upstanding gentleman," Your dad alway says. Little does he know... "What's that, ma?" His voice is husky in your ear as he thrusts into you roughly. His hand is over your mouth as your childhood mattress squeaks under your weight. Ony has you bent over, his pace punishing as he fucks you from behind. Tears streak your face as you helplessly claw at your sheets "Better be quiet," Ony drawls. "Don't want your folks to hear us, right? Or they gonna know what a slut you are for this upstanding gentleman."

Sober!Ony who loves the way you give head while high.

After many extensive and deep discussions about consent, Ony finally lets you give him head. At first, he was chilling. But then... "Shit, baby! Fuck," He groans, his head falling back. "Slow down, ma." You got his cum on your cheek from the first time he came but you don't care. You don't let up, taking his length down your throat. You suck the entire way down, slurping as you pull back to swirl your tongue around his leaking tip. Your tongue runs along the vein underneath his shaft before taking him back in your mouth, hollowing you cheeks as you slurp him down. "Fuck," He hisses, throwing his arm over his face. You had that man's toes curling and all.

Sober!Ony who loves how sexy you are at any given time of any given day but especially loves when you're feeling yourself while off the za.

Now the skies could fall...not even if my boss should call... Your hips sway seductively to the music as you take a pull from the blunt, in your own world. Lauryn Hill blasts from the radio as your lights change colors in a slow fade. Ony stands at the door of your shared bedroom, watching you sing and dance. You turn slowly, finally noticing him. You wordlessly hold out a hand to him with your body still moving to the music. See I don't need the alcohol...your love make me feel 10 feet tall... He takes your hand, pulling your body close to his. His hands trail your body, finding your ass as the two of you grind on one another. Yeah, Ony is gonna take his time with you tonight.

Sober!Ony who loves you as much as you love him despite your differences.

"Papa, you seen my bong?" "Judie?" "No, the other one." "She in the kitchen cabinet, baby."

"Ma, you seen my screwdriver?" "The fuck you doing drinking those?" "Bae...the tool. My tool." "Oh, it's on the counter by the microwave." a moment later "Onyankopon, what the fuck did you do to my damn radio!"

Overall, Sober!Ony who has changed a lot since the two of you got together. As long as you don't give him any cause for concern, he's happy to let you do as you please (and partake when he feels like it). You level each other up in ways no one expected. You're his lady and Ony doesn't want any one else but you.

"C'mere, my lil pothead," He says, cuddling up to you in bed. "Shut up, nigga." "Watch your mouth. Now lemme rub my legs against yours..."

A/N: I had fun with this. Asks are open!

[neonnoir-ao3]

Caine and Pomni falling in love in the Circus and making it out together only for Caine to realize how warped all their personalities were compared to who they actually are in reality, but especially Pomni’s.

Okay literal train-of-thought word salad from here on out, prepare yourselves accordingly.

• Like he knows Pomni as an anxious little jester but they love each other and she’s cute and funny and affectionate and all that fun stuff. But once they’re in reality he follows her like a lost puppy because he has no idea how this place works and gets to see how she actually lives.

• Pomni is basically an accidental femcel when it comes to vibes. A complete girlfailure, if you will. (socially isolated, chronically single brunette with glasses, you get the idea)

• A “nice relaxing night for her” is playing a random YouTube video essay that’s like three hours long while lounging on the couch and not wearing pants, eating an entire bag of chips and probably hitting her bong. She gave up on dating in college due to failure after failure so she’s accepted that she’s gonna die alone… or rather she says she has. (She read that “I’m not doing to be loved in this lifetime, am I?” quote in a TikTok slideshow and proceeded to down an entire bottle of wine that night while sobbing)

• She wanted to get a cat to ease the loneliness, but she doesn’t feel good enough— a cat deserves more than just a shitty apartment with a wreck of an owner in their mid-20s.

• He goes back to her apartment— it’s dingy and shitty but it’s the closest place to the office that she can afford. Her half of her pantry is ramen she bought in bulk. She’s medicated to high heaven and her kitchen counters look like a pharmacy.

• Pomni is either so fucking embarrassed when Caine sees how her life is in reality or the Human Depression™ in her Human Body™ has already set back in by the time they get there and she’s just miserably accepting of it. There is no in-between.

• She showers for the first time since The Incident (she didn’t need to bathe in the DC, her clothes were literally attached to her body there/hygiene was a total nonissue in that world) and she just breaks down and spends a good 30-40 minutes taking a scalding hot shower (as all the depressed girlies do) while sobbing her heart out. It’s cathartic as fuck to be able to lose her shit for once without the threat of abstraction, but it also hurts so fucking badly at the exact same time.

• Something about mental illness in real humans versus their digital avatars really messes with Caine. At the very least he could create a zany adventure to get their mind off of things, but then there’s some days where Pomni just stays in bed all day and doesn’t say a word. This world is so harsh and dull and colorless in comparison to the world he was made for, and there are fleeting moments where he wonders if it would’ve been better if they had both stayed there.

[peetasgirlfriendsblog]

dark! peeta x reader

summary: you and peeta have been friends since childhood. there's nothing going on between you guys... at least that's what you think

You and Peeta had known each other since childhood. Your moms were friends so you were friends, you know the whole deal. Years earlier you had had crushes on each other and even were each other’s first kiss. Time goes on though. You had gotten older and grown apart. Eventually your feelings and friendship had faded.

That was, until you had both transferred to the same college. Peeta moved East to a big city and you made for the South. Neither of you could cut it though. You both moved back home to attend community college. Being a little older than your other classmates and embarrassed by your failures, you clung to each other. All of a sudden it was “y/n and Peeta,” again. 

It felt good to have a platonic male friend, you thought often about how lucky you were. Sure, Peeta was cute but you were definitely over him. He wasn’t really your type. He was your boy next door bestie. The yin to your yang. One day you would piss off his girlfriend with your girl best friend antics but for now you had him all to yourself. You would never DATE Peeta though, and he felt the same…

…Or so you thought. Peeta was a loser. All he wanted was to be your loser boyfriend. He thought about you at all hours of everyday. Ever since your first kiss as young teenagers he has been completely yours. Truthly, Peeta flourished at his stuffy Ivy League college. The chance to stop obsessing over you was really doing him good. His parents were insanely proud of him, he was excelling in all his classes. As soon as he learned you were moving back home his act started. He withdrew from all his friends and his GPA dropped from a 3.8 to a 2.0. His parents were concerned.

  “Come back home and we’ll support you,” his father told him over the phone. Peeta fought hard to keep him from hearing the large grin that spread across his face.

He pretended to be surprised when he bumped into you on campus the day he began. He pretended that he wasn’t thinking about kissing you whenever you were together. But it was all an act. An act that was part of a plan that was not working fast enough for him. 

“Hey pretty boy!” you call to him from the other end of the hallway after you finished your classes for the day. 

He blushes and looks away. Even though he’s so shy he hopes that other people hear and mistake him for your boyfriend. He dutifully jogs to you and gazes at you with big eyes, “How were your classes today? Are we hanging out later?”

You giggle and nod, “Class was okay, I’m glad it's Friday. Lets go get fucked up. Are you gonna cook something for me?”

He talks to you on the walk to your car and gets in the passenger seat. Before you start driving you see him lick his lips from the corner of your eye. He seems nervous but you let it go. He had been seeming more secretly lately. That makes you feel so protective. He’s such a good, sad boy. He deserves to be happy. 

The two of you each take a hit from your bong in the car before stumbling up to your apartment. He takes his spot behind the stove while you lay across your couch and fumble with your phone. You complain to him about your recent Tinder hookup and he talks to you about the girl in his math class with huge tits. While he’s cooking you’re both knocking back drinks. You insisted on a shot to get started but now you have transitioned to mixed drinks while Peeta slowly sipped a couple beers.

He sets the plate down in front of you, “I made you a new drink too,” and he kisses your forehead. In your drunken haze you can’t bring yourself to be surprised. Whatever, I guess friends kiss each other sometimes? You thank him and dig in. You can’t help but notice him take a deep breath and jumpy shot. Well actually now you’re not noticing anything. Because the walls around you are swirling and your eyelids are getting heavy and you’re feeling a little scared and where is Peeta he needs to get you to a hospital or something.

“Peeta!” you let out and then you're gone.

When you wake up again your head is pounding and you’re feeling really confused.

“Peeta!” you exclaim, “What is going on?” As you struggle you realize you are tied. You were laid on your side with your hands bound behind your back. Your legs were bent behind you at the knee with your ankles bound. 

You were growing more frantic now, “Peeta! Peeta! Help me please!” You tried to get out of your ties but it was no help. Every move you made was forcing you into more uncomfortable positions. 

He came in through your door and suddenly you were aware you were in your room, “Oh crap I didn’t think you would wake up so soon.” Your eyes and mouth widened with realization and then he was kneeling next to your bed with his hand over your mouth. 

“Shhh, shhh,” He cooed while stroking your hair, his other hand stayed clamped firmly to your face. “It’s okay y/n, I’m right here.”

You were crying a little bit but your mind was still foggy, “Peeta what’s going on?” You noticed you were naked and started crying harder.

Peeta’s expression softened, “It’s okay baby, I’m here. I’m not going to hurt you.” His hand on your head caressed you down to the dip in your waist. “You’re so pretty,” he was so excited he was almost singing, “You’re so beautiful, I wish I didn’t have to do this, you're just so pretty.”

“Peeta you really don’t have to do this. Untie me and go home I will never tell anyone about this. It’ll all be fine, please just go home Peeta.”

He frowned and gave your ass a light swat that made you jump, “Can you stop with all that please? Just stop. This is going to be fun. You want me to do this.”

You shook your head, “No Peeta. I don’t. You’re my best friend, please don’t ruin everything.” Everything, of course, had been ruined. You were just saying anything you could to get him off you and out of your apartment.

“Enough!” He said sternly. “Now, I don’t want to hurt you. Please please please just let me have this.” His eyes went from dark to big and wide and pathetic.

You gulped, you were scared. Now you knew that he wasn’t your little Peeta. You became acutely aware of how much larger than you he was. His shirtless form was square and muscular. 

“Now…” Peeta hesitated, “kiss me.”

Silent tears spilled from your eyes. You were still tied in the same position, laying on your side. He shifted your face to the side as he tried to kiss you deeply. While you were going along with things, your heart was not in it. 

He slapped the side of your face. It wasn’t overly aggressive but it would get you to start listening to him. “Kiss me right or I'll hit you again.” You chose to kiss him like you would a boyfriend. He moaned and palmed his hard dick through his boxers.

“I’ve been saving myself for you, you know,” he muttered shyly. Both of his hands explored your naked body. At your chest he palmed your boobs and pinched both of your nipples. Gently as first but as you made small pained noises he became more rough. “I could’ve fucked that girl in my math but she wasn’t you…” As he trailed off he moved his hands lower. 

“I always knew it was going to be you,” and when he finished his sentence he quickly shoved his pointer finger inside of you. 

You shuddered at the feeling of the sudden penetration. That only encouraged him to keep going. He put another finger inside of you and began pumping at a rapid pace. You tried not to respond, something that became increasingly harder as he began to rub your clit with the wetness coming from your pussy. 

“You’re so pretty, I love you so much, I can’t wait to fuck you,” He was bent over you, fingering your pussy at a dizzying rate while desperately alternating between whispering into your ear and kissing the side of your face. 

“Peeta, no. Please don’t. It’s not too late, please just get off me.”

He rolled his eyes clearly annoyed, “I already told you we were done with all that. Now instead of making you feel good I’m going to do something you won’t like.” He huffed then moved to the other side of you. He positioned himself so that his knees were right next to your face. Though you couldn’t move too much you could look up at him slightly. 

He huffed and put the fingers he was using on you into his mouth, “You taste so good,” he smiled, “time to taste me.” He moved his boxers down a little bit and took his dick out of them. He was bigger than you thought he’d be, from the poor little boy act he was constantly doing. He tried to push it into your mouth but you kept your lips and teeth firmly closed. 

This clearly irked him really bad. “Fine.” He said shortly, “we can do this until you decide to behave.” He gave your cheek a hard smack with his erection. Then he gave you another, then another, then another. 

“Okay, fine!” You managed to get out. You opened your mouth wide in defeat. He took no time to slip his dick in as far as it could go. He groaned in delight and began fucking your throat. You could tell he had never done this before, his thrusts were sharp and aggressive. You choked and drooled all around him, that just turned him on more. 

“Oh you’re so good (y/n). You feel so good baby. Didn’t I tell you it wouldn’t be that bad? This is so good.” He was just saying anything at this point, completely overwhelmed at having the girl of his dreams to facefuck to his heart’s content. 

All of a sudden he was shoving his dick and balls all the way to the back of your throat. You sputtered and gagged while trying to get him off of you. He had you by the back of the head though and was holding you down so forcefully you had no hope of getting off. 

With you still held down he murmured cutely, “I’m sorry baby but you have to stop now or I’m going to cum. I really want to cum in your pussy so bad.” Finally he loosened his grip on you and you were able to free your head. You were sputtering and coughing like crazy, just trying to regain your breath. 

He kissed your messy mouth one more time and then crawled back behind you. He slipped his dick between your thighs and began moving back and forth. 

“You’re so wet for me baby, I knew you’d like sucking me off.”

“Peeta. I am so serious, please do not put it in me.”

“If I don’t put it in you,” he laughed sweetly and nuzzled your face, “then how would I cum inside of you?”

You let out an anguished cry as he shoved his dick inside of you. For a second he did not move, he was the happiest he had ever been. A blissful smile crossed his face and he thought about how lucky you both were right now. This image was starkly contrasted by you underneath him. You weren’t a virgin but Peeta was above average and absolutely stretching you out. You could feel the pain sear inside you and you found yourself wishing he would begin to move so maybe you could get some relief from the feeling. That thought fled your mind as soon as he began to thrust. As you might expect, because he was inexperienced, he started very hard and fast right away. He made up for it when he snaked his hands around to your front. One kneaded your nipple while the other one worked on your clit. The noises he was making were intoxicating. They almost made you forget the context of this scene. Still the occasional whimper was escaping out of you. You were really close. Because of his lack of expertise you were insanely close to cumming, only to have the feeling ripped out from under you. This happened multiple times. Finally, him rubbing your clit and fucking into you was enough to make you orgasm. The unintentional edging made it even more intense. You let out your loudest moan as he kept going. You could feel your pussy pulse hard around him. Evidently, he did too because his thrusts became sloppier and sloppier. You prayed he didn’t know what that meant.

“Did you just cum?” He asked lowly, “That’s so fucking sexy, you’re so fucking-” He didn’t even finish his sentence before he took your lips in his, biting you gently and then harder. His face twisted up tightly and let out loud, ragged breaths. His thrusts became more and more shallow. He buried his face in your neck and continued his hard breathing. You felt his dick get soft in you while he gave you a few more feeble pumps. When he finally pulled out of you you felt lots of his warm cum leak out of you. 

He moved back a bit to get a good look at your hole and how his cum leaked out of it. He resumed his place behind you and softly fingered it back inside of you. As the realization of everything that happened hit you you began to hyperventilate. 

“Don’t worry y/n,” he kissed you sweetly, “if we’re lucky then I just got you pregnant.”

You struggled against him as he wrapped himself around you. He fell asleep with the most satisfied smile.

[bjtch-craft]

"Wanna get high, babe?"

Simon Kalivoda x Male! Reader

SFW!!♡♡

☆ Summary: Simon and [Name] get high out of their God damn minds and start spilling their guts about each other, their feelings, and fears, which then turns into a small make-out session.

☆ Request: Yes or No

☆ Genre: Angst / Fluff

☆ Word count: 1,507

☆Warnings: Underage smoking, groping, and making out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Cease to resist, giving my goodbye Drive my car into the ocean. You'll think I'm dead, but I sail away."

Echoed throughout Simon's messy room as [Name's] head rested on Simon's chest, his arm around his body. They lay there in silence, the only sound being the whirl of the tape spinning around in the boom box.

The two boys had been listening to "Doolittle" in silence, enjoying each other's company as the music played.

Simon sat up, ran a hand through his hair, and looked around his room.

"What's wrong, sigh?" [Name] asked, sitting up and placing a hand on his back

"Wanna get high, babe?"

"I- I've only been high like... twice."

"You don't have to if you don't want to!"

"No! No, no, no, no! I do, I just don't want to seem awkward or whatever!"

Simon smiled and gently punched [Name's] shoulder. "You're cute when you're awkward."

[Name] smiled at Simon and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"So do you...?"

"Yes."

Simon got up out of bed, walked towards his closet, slid the door open, and pulled out the bong that was stashed in the corner.

"I've never used one of those. How do you..."

Simon sat on the bed, pulling out a lighter from his pajama pants pocket.

"Okay, so you light this part right here. It's called the bowl. Then you place your lips on the mouthpiece and inhale until this part which is called the neck is full of fucking smoke, then pull off the bowl and inhale, and then you know, exhale... it's real simple!"

"Sounds like it!" [Name] says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Simon brings the bong to his lips and shows [Name] how to do everything he just said to do. He pulls it away from his lips, coughing up his lungs.

"Oh shit!"

[Name] begins to pat Simon's back, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm- fuck! I'm good!" He says in between coughs as he passes the glass object off to his boyfriend.

[Name] shakily brings it to his lips and takes a rather large hit. He pulls it away from his lips, breathing the smoke out and holding back his cough.

"Holy shit!"

[Name] couldn't hold it in any fucking more and let out a loud cough and then a wheeze as he pats the spot next to him. Simon lets out a giggle as he brings the bong to his lips, ready to take another hit.

"How long does it take until I feel high? Like, am I high right now?"

Simon places the bong on the floor and smiles at [Name].

"You're so clueless, dude! It takes a little while before you feel it."

"Oh..."

"Want another hit?"

"Fuck it!"

After another hit (it wasn't just one. It was several. Between both boys.) Simon and [Name] stared up at the ceiling high off their assess.

"What are your plans after high school?"

"I'm not sure... but I do want to move out of this town... with all the blood inside my body. I've known too many people who are forever stuck here because of Sarah Fier."

"You don't have to worry about that, babe..." Simon adjusted himself, so his chest was up against [Names] side. "You have me to protect you!" Simon's high ass says.

"I know. It's just so scary in this town. I'm scared anytime I sneak out to see you! Scared that some fucker is going to try to make me a human pin cushion."

"I know, I know I'm scared too. It feels like there's a funeral every day. But I understand. I mean, I started dealing again to raise enough money to get the hell out of this town! And it doesn't help that I have to watch over Timothy. But you don't have to feel afraid you have me, Deena, Sam, and Josh! "

[Name] rolls over to face Simon and plants a kiss on his nose.

"And I appreciate all of you for that, but God, I feel like there's so much pressure put onto me! I mean, for fake's sake, my parents don't want us hanging out! But I don't want to ditch you. I've never felt this way about a boy before! And - and they hold me up to so many expectations!"

"Oh..."

"But you're the only- fuck this is going to sound so corny, but you're the only light in this drab ass nothing town."

A goofy grin spreads across Simon's face, his eyes lower than the boy he held tight.

"Can we move on from all this sad shit!?" Simon asks, placing a kiss on [Name's] cheek.

"Yeah yeah of course... sorry."

"Don't apologize. Everyone needs to get shit off their chest every now and then!"

"Yeah, you're right!" [Name] pauses before asking, "When did you start to catch feelings for me?"

The tape player stops for a second as "Here Comes Your Man" starts up on the tape.

"About two weeks after you first moved here... you caught my little eye when Mr Dickhill introduced you to the class!"

"Why?"

"Well, you looked nervous but still sure of yourself, and you were very... talkative! I mean, you started talking to me on the second day when I had spent all class period thinking of ways to talk to you! And when you bent over that one ti-"

[Name] swatted at his chest, letting out a little laugh, feeling the effect of the drugs kick in. He felt his body relax and his eyelids lower.

"What about me? When did you start to like me?"

"Like by the third week, I thought you were a cute, goofy guy. So I started hanging around Deena and Kate more and asking them questions about you and who you liked... and if you were into boys."

"Really?"

"Yes! And not to mention how you sat there and listened to my shitty project ideas for Mr. Dickhill's class, and you didn't just sit there. You added onto my shitty ideas and stuff."

"Well, I thought they were good," Simon says, letting out a giggle.

"Well, thank you Sigh!"

"You know what else I thought was good?"

"What?"

"How your lips tasted when I first kissed them~"

"How'd they taste?" [Name] replied, a smile spreading from ear to ear on his face.

"I think I forgot..." Simon said, half serious, half-jokingly.

"Let me help you remember..."

[Name] placed his hand on Simon's cheek and planted a kiss on the blonde. He gently pulled back, smiling, the whites of his eyes red.

"That was -" He didn't get to finish as [Name] pulled him in for another kiss, this one more aggressive and needy.

[Name] pushed himself on top of Simon and deepened the kiss by slipping his tongue into his mouth. Simon sat up and adjusted [Name] so he was on his lap and placed his hands on his back. [Name] placed one hand on the back of Simon's head and the other on the bed for support.

Simon's hands paved down [Name's] back and lightly groped his ass, causing him to moan into his mouth. In retaliation (as if he didn't enjoy it), he grabbed a fist full of Simon's hair and tugged at it. Simon pulled back and looked into his eyes, both of them blown, red, and their eyelids low. A rope of saliva connected their lips.

"Jesus~" Simon muttered.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, it's okay!"

Simon reconnected their lips, his hands still on [Names] ass as he brought the kiss from his lips to his jawline. He felt as if his stomach had been pumped with air as he felt his cheeks heat up and a smile grow on his face.

Simon moved down from his jawline to his neck, gently biting, sucking, and licking over the flesh. A whimper pushed past [Names] lips, and his heart rate sped up at the feeling. Simon pulled away and smiled up at him.

"How do you feel?"

"High... and a little horny!" [Name] said with a chuckle.

[Name] rolled off Simon and landed on his back. And staring up at the ceiling, a million thoughts rushed through his brain (all of them were high thoughts such as "Is there another word for, synonym", and "If I'm scared half to death, what happens if I get scared again?"

"[Name]?"

"Hm?"

"If I ever - hopefully not, but if I become a possessed psycho killer, I won't kill you, and if I do, I'd off myself!" Simon said. (The boy had to be high because what the actual fuck?)

"So we'll live on as ghosts and haunt the fuckers of this town?"

"Of course!"

"God, I feel so... calm, hungry, and at ease."

"Yeah babe... you're high."

"This song is so... nice~. Here comes your man, here comes your man, here comes your man." [Name] sang along.

Simon rolled over on his side, wrapped his arm around [Name], pulled him close, and planted kisses over his neck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors note!!

I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but someone requested Simon, and I just had to y'all! Anyway, I promise I'll get through all of these requests, I swear! ♡ Also, happy New Years!!

[stevenbasic]

GITJ Post 337: Saturday at Melissa's, p12 (10 PM: Melissa)

<bong. bong.>>

That clock, that silly clock of my mom’s in the great room, was chiming for ten o’clock. 

<<Bong. Bong.>>

I was walking downstairs, in the cute new outfit and heels I’d picked up at the mall this afternoon, after changing in my bedroom while he napped again downstairs. This evening was going so well we were doing so good with him by Monday I’ll have his brain trained just right haha I’m kidding. 

<<Bong. Bong!>>

Even me myself, after my nice talk with Shanette and seeing how good the girls were treating him, I had been able to take some time for a new manifestation in my bedroom mirror, still wearing this poor bikini. A manifestation to make everything I wanted real. Something that was going to help me, I thought, take Jay and me to the next level:

<<Bong! Bong!>>

That’s so weird, the foyer’s chandelier shaking like that with the chimes, the picture frames that just rattled on the wall. It’s like the clock was making the whole house sh-….oh wait. That’s not the clock haha. That’s my footsteps omigod. Anyway, my manifestation a few minutes ago was:

Manifestation: I am his protector, big and beautiful and strong. He looks to me and my girls for everything, everything he needs. He is happy to depend on me, for safety and for love and warmth. And for everything. With my girls and with what is happening to me I can provide for him and keep him safe and haha okay that’s enuffff..!

<<Bong!!>>

I was getting so excited, as I came to the bottom of the stairs. My footsteps were fucking making the house shake. And, it’d been a perfect day so far and he was here. This new knit sweater, and this big ol' bra, could barely contain my beating heart which was oh gosh so loud. That and the sounds of my heels on the hardwood - these crazy big heels that Shanette made me buy - almost now completely drowned out the clock’s chime as I rounded the corner to find him on the couch with the girls, waking right up as soon as I appeared and his eyes going super wide-

<<BONG!!>>

Ten chimes, and here I was, back again in the big big room of my mothers big big house looking at my little little guy among all my big big friends. The lights were still kinda down, but flickered a little when I arrived. He had just jumped out of Josie’s embrace. After he came last - his eighth of the day they tell me haha - he’d passed out right there on my lap. I’d left him to go change, and gave the girls the new jammie’s I’d bought for him at Hera’s. As he slept they’d gotten him into them - he looks so cute…but is that a new hickie? - and Josie cuddled him up into her on the couch, with all the pillows. She and some of the other girls had brought their pajamas too and were now out of their swimsuits. Josie wanted to make sure the first thing he saw when he woke up was her cleavage; I know that feeling, that’s such a great feeling. But, even though he woke up with his face in her chest his eyes - those big, shell-shocked eyes - were now on me. 

Good. 

Jay would definitely remember this weekend, what happened this Saturday…eventually. He’d remember it for a looonnngg time, but not right away of course, no. He would, for a while, feel like it was just a long, sexy dream. After tonight was over it’d slowly come back to him, his afternoon, the time in the pool, in the hot tub, with the sushi and on the couch during the movie. He’d start to recall how the girls grew, right in front of his eyes. Someday he’d realize that it wasn’t a dream and that he was a little smaller than he was when he came in through my door on Friday night. He’d begin to remember it all, eventually, and I’d be there for him if he got scared. I got warm just thinking about it. He’d remember, and he’d need me - but tonight I was going to show him how he needs me for other things…

We’d tuned down our perfumes a bit. I had to ask the girls to, so he could come back to us not so mushy. I needed him to remember at least a little of tonight, and be able to speak in semi-full sentences haha. So now, as he was sat up straight, woken by the sound of my heels, I could tell he was confused. He was turned on the couch looking at me as I ducked under the door frame into the great room. Everyone was so big and tall to him. Especially me. 

“Hi sweetie,” I purred, feeling my voice go deeper than normal as I immediately soaked  in the goggle-eyed stare he was giving me. The poor thing, I can’t blame him. In this new thick, wide-striped sweater of blue and green my boobs looked huge, my abs and tiny waist showing just a bit underneath it. In this short, white pleated skirt I picked off the racks my tanned legs were huge and bare and I was sure he could see the muscles bulging, thighs and calves. But it was probably those heels, those crazy white platform heels that Shanette insisted I buy, that brought on the dumbfounded, open-mouthed reaction I was getting from him when I appeared in the doorway. My head would have hit the frame, if I hadn’t ducked. “Stand up, sweetie,” I told him, as he sat next to Josie and Lakshmi and Katie, “You heard the clock. It’s ten. It’s past your bedtime. Come on, let me take you upstairs.”

The girls giggled, and the ones around him stood. Others watched, either from up on the balcony, out in the kitchen, or on the couch painting one another’s toenails and watching an episode of the Bachelor on TV. The new season was all female bodybuilders. 

“He has a bedtime now, does he?” Amelia drawled, from over on an overstuffed chair. She was looking into her phone, filming herself, sometimes pointing her camera at Jay. Was she streaming?

“All little boys should,” Shanette answered, meeting my eyes with another shared smile. She was wearing those cute red-heart pajamas of hers, and had been such a good friend to me today, getting me ready for tonight. Omigod I was so excited for this!

Lakshmi and Katie had taken him by the arms in support as his weak legs tried to find their balance. He seemed overcome by some funny look on his face, all open-mouthed; I think they’d call it awe. In these heels I was 7’5”. I knew! I checked! I’m a size 15, now, and these are platform stilettos. Can you believe they even carried them? Haha I don’t think they ever expected anyone to buy them. The shoes gave me ten inches, and I couldn’t believe how tall I was. And him? Him?! They told me they measured him at under five feet earlier today and omigod as he stood up I knew I just freakin’ knew he’d gotten smaller still. Omigod omigod omigod, look at him. He looked…tiny. With the girls’ help he took his first step, slowly, shyly towards me just like I nnnngh… just like I’d asked him to, he looked like a little boy in his cute new blue polka-dot pj’s, matching bottoms and top, all buttoned-up. Flannel and perfect and mmmhahannnyessss. Holy crappp I was getting so excited, so so so too excited I haha I had to calm down. Breathe, Missy, breathe!

But omigod, as the girls let him go, to walk on his own, I started to realize how really short he was compared to me. His nose was, like, at my belly-button! Goddddd all the feelings. I shhould have maybe taken my meds that night haha. 

“How does she look?” Josie asked him, as he took another step, but then froze.

His eyes, his eyes went up me, from my big feet, up my long massive legs, over my breasts and finally to my eyes. I smiled at him, waiting for what he was going to say, but he didn’t really seem able to talk. I knew we’d toned down the perfumes, so this must just be a man’s natural reaction to seeing an Amazon with hips above his shoulders and a 57-inch bustline haha. 

“You look like a cheerleader on steroids,” Amelia commented. Haha the outfit probably did do that. 

“Do you like your giant cheerleader?” Randi prodded. 

“Poor thing’s speechless, I guess,” giggled Katie. She was probably 5’10” at this point, and was still in the old blue bikini of mine she’d borrowed. “Are you speechless, hm?” she asked. 

I saw him struggling, embarrassed, and part of me wanted to just scoop him up and take him right away. But I knew this was important, and haha it was fun. So, I just cocked my head and waited for him to answer Josie’s question. Yes, honey. How do I look?

“It’s important that you say it, Daddy,” Josie told him, from where she stood behind him. Even she and Lakshmi looked so tall compared to him.

“How does she look, Dr. J?” urged Lakshmi. She was so cute in her casual PJs, but she’d say her butt looked too big in her soft white shorts, her boobs bulging too much out of her blue tank.

Finally, he found his words. “B-big,” he answered. 

The room giggled, loving that answer. I did too. But Josie pressed on. “Big, yes. Very big. And how does that make you feel?” she continued. 

“L-like she’s…” His voice trailed off. 

“Like she’s what?” Aubrey asked, from where she sat in the couch’s corner, curled up like a cat. Speaking of, where was..?

“Like she’s very strong,” Jay answered, his eyes locked onto mine. 

I nearly sighed, and definitely shivered, hearing him say that. Yes, I am strong. I am really, really fucking strong. 

“Strong? So she can do what?” Josie asked. Good girl, good Josie, doing this for me.

His eyes saw mine gleaming, sparkling I’m sure. He knew what I wanted him to say. “P-protect me?” he managed. 

“Very good,” Josie said. Yes, good boy. 

“And, it turn you on?” came Katarina, sitting next to Aubrey in my mom’s soft terry cloth robe, “seeing twoja żona, you wife so much bigger than you?”

Holy shit. 

“M-my wife?” he asked, gaze breaking from mine to look back at the girls on the couch. They were all watching him - the whole room was, really - with intrigued interest. Somebody took a picture, and Amelia was definitely live-streaming. My own heart had fluttered with the word - ‘wife’. Oh jeez, I just felt myself gushing, so wet. Just a slip up in Katarina’s English but haha. 

“‘Wife’’, Kat?” Randi echoed, in her smoky voice, “Maybe you meant ‘mommy’?” 

Omigod that was even better!

The girls giggled all around us. On the TV, the bachelor was being shown up by his hulking blonde date at the gym.

My eyes found Shanette again. Having Jay say it, admit it in front of all the girls would be amazing, awesome, especially since he hadn't really talked about his own shrinking too much. But awww omigod the poor thing I knew how humiliating and even dangerous to our relationship it might be if this all happened too fast. And, haha, it was so unlike me but I really wanted to put his - a guy’s - feelings first. I was already working to keep my energy under control, trying and struggling to keep my emotions haha normal. I’ve been taught tricks, techniques, how to relax and I needed them now. Breathe like they told me. Breathe and focus. Breathe and…what was it? Oh yeah…focus. Ahhh. Good. I knew that if I let loose things could go off the rails and no one wants that. Shanette, in fact, saw something in my eyes and stood up from where she’d sat, and started coming towards me. 

I can do this, I can keep it together. I looked down, and saw the framed pic of me from sophomore year, on the coffee table. The girls had told me what they caught him doing with it earlier this afternoon, that they had to clean him up. “I hear you’ve seen some of the pictures my mom has around the house of me,” I said, as I stepped over to pick it up, now standing right in front of him. Omigod I’m a fucking giant. “You liked this one?” I began, studying the young girl in the picture, in her schoolgirl outfit and already growing into her boobs. I cleaned off a smudge of something crusty from the glass with my finger, and remembered the moment when the picture was taken. I looked so bored! And I had been. I was never very good at those things my mom used to teach me, not nearly as good as my sister. “I was 15. I’ve grown up a little since then…as you can tell.”

At that, I stood up as straight as I could. In my heels, and with my new height I was almost two feet taller than the girl in that picture. And compared to him? Here, now? I towered over him, ridiculously. I could barely see him under the shelf of my big boobs. He was a small, small man that even 15 year-old Missy Monroe holding her mom’s books would have dwarfed. 

“Jesus…look at you two, Missy,” Josie marveled. Yes, look at us. All of you…look at us.

“Yeah, in those heels?” Lakshmi followed. 

“It’s amazing you can even stand in them,” Aubrey added. 

“Oh, I'm very comfortable in heels,” I said, as much for him as in answering Aubrey’s comment. I peered down at him still over my tits, feeling so good like I was growing even as I stood here.  “The higher the better,” I continued. 

“High heels give girls power,” said Katie, petting the back of his neck, “They move differently, feel differently, even speak differently. Don’t you think, sweetie?” Yeah. When did my voice get so deep? I liked it. 

“I think he’s afraid of high heels,” Randi offered, “But the styles keep getting taller and taller. Little men like this one here will just have to deal with it.”

I noticed he hadn’t answered my question, of course - I’ll have to work on that with him, soon. But now that Shanette was standing alongside me - no slouch in the height department, but in bare feet she seemed short to me too - I caught him looking up at her. She smiled, with those crazy cute dimples of hers, down at him. Josie and Lakshmi were closing in on him from behind to join Katie.

“Well, he looks tired, Missy,”  Shanette said, reminding me without flat-out reminding me what my goal was here, “But there’s something he needs to do before he goes to bed.” I didn’t know exactly what she meant but everything became clearer as she tapped her cheek with her index finger and then bent closer to him. “Give Auntie Shanette a kiss goodnight,” she said, and waited for him. 

He glanced up at me, and I nodded. Immediately he got up on his tiptoes and planted a quick kiss - <<smack!>> - right on Shanette’s right cheek. Omigod he wanted my approval. Good. 

“Auntie Josie wants one too!” Josie sang, suddenly spinning him by the shoulders and leaning in, too, to offer him her cheek. 

<<smack!>> He kissed her too.

“And Auntie Lakshmi!!” Kiki laughed, crouching down. 

“And me!” called Katie, white smile beaming. Soon the whole room was descending on him, lining up and surrounding him, awaiting their goodnight kiss as if from a treasured little prince. Some girls were still in their bikinis, and boobs were everywhere! He was in little man heaven, for sure.

But, coming in for her turn, Randi’s brows knotted a bit and she paused. She saw how confused and nervous he looked as he was giving out his kisses. “What’s the problem, shorty? Why so shy?” she asked him, “Don’t you remember making out with all of us, just an hour ago before your little nap?” 

Oooo the poor thing. I saw the confusion just double all over his face, and weirdly I could read him like I was reading a book. He thought it had all been a dream haha. His mind was clearer, I could tell, than earlier this evening, probably because the girls were being good about keeping themselves and their perfumes in check. I needed to make sure I did the same! We needed to have a talk, I needed him listening to me, and I needed him able to remember. But being good was hard! I just had such a strong urge to overwhelm him, right as we stood here. Breathe, Missy, breathe!! I reminded myself, trying to, uh…focus. 

Anyway, his confusion passed after a little bit, and he doled out all his required goodnight kisses. Aside from Emily and Bianca still standing on the balcony above, watching in the funny way that they do (Sammi, now with pink hair and freckled nose, had joined the crowd, gotten her kiss) the whole crowd of my bunnies was around us, giggling. He looked up at me, expectantly. Oooooo god! I looked calm, but my heart was pounding and my head was racing. I needed to breathe, focus…but being near him made it so hard!

“We’ve had such a good time together,” someone said. 

“Yeah we’re going to miss you,” said another. 

I smiled, feeling the affection they had for him redouble my excitement. “Ready for bed, mister?” I finally asked, and the sea of girls began to part, opening up a path out, in the direction of the stairs. He looked that way, and then back up at me. He could have stepped, himself, towards the upstairs, but he didn’t move. He just looked at me cute and helpless. 

You want me to pick you up, don’t you?

“C’mere, honey,” I said, crouching down so I could scootch one hand to his side, the other behind his little butt, “I’ve got you.” 

And then I stood, easily picking him up and holding him against my left shoulder. His head rose above the crowd, and though they all cooed and clucked and buzzed his name he looked only at me. He was focused only on me. Good boy, don’t look away.

“Goodnight, ladies,” I said, now taking my first step towards the stairs with my little lover boy in my arms…

==============================================

thanks again to my editor-in-residence ResistanceIsFutile for elevating this one to a higher level on lots of fronts.

Check out my Patreon

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 44 - My Papycha, the Secondhand Dealer (Part 1)

I'm very normal about this episode, but thankfully, all the writings to translate will probably distract me from the need to gush about Kerubim and Joris's love for one another.

The text on the left says "PAPYCHAT!". Usually, "!" means "M" in Amaknean, but I think Joris is just very enthusiastic.

The text on the right says "BROCANTE". It means "secondhand store". Also, there's a kama there. Cute :)

"HACHE" (axe) and "BONG" (??????????????????????????????????...probably onomatopoeia for the sound that contraption he drew makes.

Doesn't make Joris writing "bong" any less funny.)

A literal bear has entered a literal china shop. Warning, warning!

To my memory, this is one of the two times old Kerubim cries during the series, the first time being when he thinks Joris will be stuck for the rest of his life in the Heads for No Tails restraint.

I think he should be legally allowed to kill that pandawa guy.

I do think he loves them, but also, something tells me, a vase that took 20 years to make probably costs an amount of money that I don't even want to fucking imagine.

"VIEUX VASE" (old vase)

WHEN WILL JORIS'S REIGN OF EVIL END? Did he steal that piece?!

Though, it seems that even without it, the vase was still restored, — because, judging from all the cracks on it, the photo was taken after The Incident. I guess this story has a happy ending, despite the missing piece.

Photo of the clock: "REVEIL" (alarm, waking up) Bottle 1: "ELIXIR" Bottle 2: "BONBON" (candy) Bottle 3: "MIEL" (honey)

(the clock itself reads "5AM". Maybe Kerubim's alarm. I doubt he makes Joris, who isn't in education, wake up so early. Or maybe Joris wakes up at 5AM and then goes back to sleep. That would be the funnier possibility.)

This action will have consequences.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT JORIS AND HIS NEED FOR ROUTINES AND HATING BEING TOLD TO GO TO SLEEP?

It's obvious that Kerubim is just trying to get him to stop asking, Joris knows that, — and it's generally always why he's being asked to go to sleep early.

The text says: "PIERRE MAGI(Q)UE" (magic stone), with "Q" (::) being accidentally replaced by "N" (:)

Joris's guesses for this thing are: "Is this a ball?", "Is this a thing to do sport with to get muscles?", "Is this a geode?" and "Is this an egg?"

Truly, he is a dedicated thinker.

"VIDE GRENIER" (attic sale)

The first two vinyls say "GUST PRODUCTION" and "SADGUIRAM#2" respectively, while the third one says "ROMAIN".

The existence of vinyls also implies the existence of bands and their fans. We already know that, and all, but this still means a lot.

I wonder if slavery has always been a thing in the World of Twelve, or if it came back in style after centuries of being out of style only in Waven. Love their nonchalant response to it, too.

Chances are, this is just normal.

SEE WHAT I MEAN WHEN I TELL YOU JORIS IS A NIGHT OWL? He is NOT good at being awake early.

I also am beginning to suspect Kerubim is a morning person, unlike Joris. hdfkghsdgf.

Kerubim makes buying things a sort of a game for them to play together, to educate Joris on how to be a salesman in the future and continue their family business, but in the process pretty much hugs him and also look at Joris's face and then hand on shoulder car door man hook car and and um and [CAR CRASH] [GLASS SHATTERING] ‘GOOD LORD!’ [GENERAL COMMOTION] [BABY CRYING] ‘WAAAAH WAAAAH’ [YELLING] [POLICE SIRENS] WEEWOO WEEWOO [HELICOPTERS] ‘WE’RE REPORTING LIVE-‘ [EXPLOSION] ‘MY LEG… MY LEG…’

Yeah I'm okay./ (starts foaming.)

"LUIS"

Joris... I have some amazing news from the future. You'll never guess.

At heart, Kerubim is an optimist, and Joris is a pessimist, and they've always been that way, even as kids. I think it's cute that they both have these contrasting characteristics, and that they've had them their whole lives.

It makes them both really like each other, — but also, probably makes them annoy each other to death, across the 600 years of coexistence.

[themushroomgoesyeet]

The sonic live fandubs have been rotting a hole straight through my skull so here are some incorrect arcana-ified quotes wheeeeeeee

(also tw for swearing ig)

The Devil, stepping through a portal from his realm hell: hi Lucio, it's me, the Devil™, I'm here to convince you to do sin! Come with me, steal candy from babies & small businesses!

Lucio, still in his mercenary arc & was just minding his business: I will never do such a thing! I'll sin my own way!

Devil: ok bye *sics his demons on Lucio *

Lucio: OK FINE I'LL SIN I'LL SIN I'LL SIN

Devil: *calls back the demons & goes back through the portal to hell *

Lucio: heh, works every time

~~~~

Lucio: *starts a plague *

Devil: heeeey that was pretty good, you got 16 sin points

~~~~

Lucio: *contracts the plague*

Devil: bing bong what's up you're doing a bad job

Lucio: I KNOW I'm doing a bad job!

~~~~

Lucio: *does plot stuff & destroys hell or something (idk what happens in Lucio's route) and comes back to the real world thinking the day is saved*

Devil, materializing with his entire army: ding-a-ling cock sucker! ok, you can't do that to hell and get away with it; I had to roll back TIME, do you know how much of a fucking logistical issue it is when you destroy HELL?!?!? that's MY HOUSE DUDE

~~~~

Devil: *about MC* who's that person? do you know them? are they a friend? that's kinda cool, are they alive? do you know them? are they alive? do you hang out with them? do you save them? that's awesome dude, I wish I had a friend like that, that could save me if I was ever in danger

~~~~

Lucio: *having flashbacks about the plague*

Devil: weeoo weeoo I'm in your flashbacks now, apparently you didn't save MC - you did a very bad job actually that's really embarrassing for you buddy

Lucio: wait, WERE YOU MC?!?!?

Devil: no I'm the Devil™

~~~~

Lucio: *becomes count & commissions a bunch of art of himself*

Devil: okay, that was like awesome - not a sin. you did just waste military money which is super funny, uhhhhhh...you're really really bad at this

Lucio: your standards are so fucked!

Devil: are you sure you're evil?

~~~~

Devil, at any given time: hiiii Lucio, it's me, the Devil™, I love you......I'm having so much fun with you

~~~~

Devil, after fighting Lucio & MC: hey what's up, I'm completely fine by the way you stupid idiot

Lucio: NICE TIMELINE RESET DICKNIPS

MC: actually, this guy never reset the timeline; you're kinda just really bad at killing people

Devil: yeah no I'm fucking with him at this point - you ever heard of gaslighting? that's like my specialty, I'm the Devil™. did you know that? hi, I'm the Devil™, nice to meet 'ya MC. I already know who you are - you kissed those 5 other people that one time?

MC: oh! gaslight me! gaslight me!

Devil: uhhhhh I already am, I was gaslighting you this whole time

MC: ohhhohoho cool!

Devil: shut up

~~~~

Devil: EEEEEEYYYYYYYYY, WHAT'S UUUUUUP, IT'S ME <3

Lucio: STOP

~~~~

Devil: it's really cute how you're gonna defeat me with the power of friendship & all but again I am the Devil™, from the Arcana™

~~~~

Lucio, infiltrating Vesuvia's government: ok, let's see, best way to sin.......killing the count

*Valerius walks by*

Lucio: new idea.....adultery

Lucio, meeting Muriel again for the first time in years: wait, I traumatized you as a child! that's badass!

~~~~

~~~~

MC: Lucio, you're an asshole man

Lucio: you are what you eat MC

MC: wh-what the hell man......that was kinda sick

Lucio, surprised that joke worked: thanks, I worked hard on it

that's it I'm done good night everybody

[frenchfrywrites]

would you ever write weed headcanons for the twst 3rd years like you did for the obey me cast?

Getting high/high hcs for the twst 3rd years

Cater

He loves to smoke a blunt

He has a huge collection of cute and pink and pretty roach clips

He can do a couple of smoke tricks (he thinks he looks so cool 🙄)

He gets high often. 

Well as often as one can when your housewarden is riddle lol

Speaking of housewardens, he sneaks off and smokes with others outside (due to riddle and rules)

(finds himself hanging with Che’nya, Lilia, Kalim, and surprisingly malleus most often me thinks)

He’s a total social smoker, and is so fun to be around

If he's alone he'll sometimes he’ll bring out a clone to help him with something that he wants

And then he forgets why he did that and just ends up hanging out with himself lol

Trey

I’m tempted to say he doesn’t get high, and is the sober bestie

BUT! I can also see him being into edibles

He could make his own :)

And they taste soooo good

He’s very smart about his edibles too

You could never catch him taking more because it hasn’t hit

Always stacks up on munchies too

Because oooh man eats his weight in snacks and drinks while high

He’s not terribly giggly, but he gets all dopey and lost in thought

You’ll look over and he’s just smiling looking at you- completely lovestruck hehe

Leona

All he needs is catnip hehe

Kidding!! 

Unless…

No fr I’m kidding, he has big bong energy to me

I mean I can see him dabbling a bit in everything

But to me he has intricate very fun and swagful bongs

And he doesn’t get high too often

So that every time that he does get high, he feels it 10x more

I think he could get SO giggly

He’s so playful and joyful :) you can tell when he is(n’t) high due to how bitchy he is

Rook

He likes shrooms <3

Either that or he’s the sober friend

Idk he seems like he would love hanging around with people who are high

He’ll mess with them a little bit

But mostly he’s a good sober friend!

He’ll take care of you and listen to insane ramblings and enable said insane rambling

He just wants to have a silly fun time :) 

But yeah when/if he does shrooms he usually microdoses just to have a bit of euphoria and delight

If he does a big trip he does it alone and is well prepared

Vil

I don’t think he gets high too often

But he certainly indulges from time to time

I see him doing edibles to preserve the quality of his lungs

Okay.. yall know the drinks with thc? I can see him fucking those uppp

He pops open a can and pours it into a fancy glass teehee

He’ll watch a movie and think that he understands literally everything about it… the nuance.. The depth 

Meanwhile he is just so far gone that he’s usually pulling something from nothing

He does NOT get high socially

If anyone asks, he’s never gotten high in his life!!!

Idia

He’s only ever taken a hit or two off of Cater’s blunt 

(partly to get out of the social situation, partly to try it out)

He didn’t think that he got high, but he was gone

That being said, he wants to try getting high more often, but he’s too shy to figure out who to ask for it

When he gets high with you it hits him quick and hard

He still insists that he's not feeling anything

Very silly guy and finally relaxed and at peace

maybe if he does enough he'll finally admit it's effecting him, but as long as you're there he's not freaked out at all

Malleus

Has also taken a hit off of Cater’s blunt

It did not get him high 💔

Idk his dragon fae ass has some weird shit going on and he needs powerful wizard weed to get any meaningful high

That being said, he’s gotten high a couple of times in his life

He likes it a lot and wishes he could do it more often

It relaxes him soo deeply

He gets all sluggish and cuddly and cute

It’s a damn shame he doesn’t get high more often 

Lilia

He’ll take anything and everything!!

He loves getting high and has done just about anything and loves it all

I can see him being someone who gets high with others, but he also has fun by himself :) 

He gets sooo giggly

You might not see him but you’ll hear fufufu coming from somewhere lol

When he does decide to show himself, he rambles on and on about anything that comes to mind

And boy does a lot come to mind

You might not be able to follow his trail of thought lol! It’s all over the place

[spineless-lobster]

My thoughts about the newest Christmas special!!!! (Spoilers, duh)

first things first, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This is literally everything I could have asked for from a Ghosts episode!!! I will be going chronologically so I can somewhat organise my thoughts

AAAAAA Pat it watching the new scouts!!!!!!!!! This means so much to me!!!!

Okay but like the gasp I let out when it showed how Alison got a hold of the VHS tapes!!!!

Mike being exactly like his parents is so cute and funny lol

Fanny is such a girlboss for, ahem, "not leaving"

YES!!!!! PAT AND CAP BEING DRAMA TEACHERS!!!!!

I love how much the Captain thrives in his stage manager role

"Baron Hardup" is such an underrated joke omg

I had to look up was a "bluey" was because I'm sure Julian wouldn't bring up the Australian kids show about a little blue dog

Screaming and crying and throwing up was my reaction to the home videos because that hit me so hard

Pat's reaction to being made fun of in the tape: "I don't want to watch it anymore" FUCK 😭😭😭

I relate to Pat on so many levels

"Forty feral ferrets frolicking in France" is the new "The butler burnt the butter but the bacon bore the brunt" and I'm living for it and I WILL memorise it like how I did with the butler one

I love how optimistic Alison is in this episode even while stuck in traffic!

HUMPHREY'S BODY AND ROBIN HOLDING AND SWINGING HANDS IS SO 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

MY VIZ-I-ON!!!!

CAP'S LITTLE DANCEY-DANCE OMG!!!!!!!

Robin comforting Pat is one of my favourite scenes in this episode (I have a lot of favourites lol) I always love seeing Robin be all wise and comforting and it's shown perfectly here

"On one hand, my darling daughter. On the other, my beloved wife." OMG THEY DID NOT JUST HAVE JULIAN SAY THAT 😭

YESSSSSS!!!! THE FIRST AND ONLY GOOD LORD FROM CAP!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!

I relate to Kitty with having all the pressure to be perfect being put on her

BING BONG!

"I'm just gonna phone home- I'm E.T." HILARIOUS DELIVERY!!!!

ALL THE PLAGUE GHOSTS 💖💖💖💖💖

Okay but the voice Cap puts on during Kitty's breakdown is making me go feral

Cap's Spice Girl speech is the gayest thing I've ever seen and I love that so much for him

"Shine like a star!" NEW DAILY AFFIRMATION JUST UNLOCKED!!!!

THE CAPTAIN BEING A DAD TO KITTY OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

I KNEW IT!!!! I KNEW THEY'D MAKE HIM THE FAIRY GOD MOTHER!!!!!!!

The way Mick got so invested in the panto lmao

This is great Fanny/Julian content btw

He put the "fairy" in fairy godmother let's just say that

✨Slwing!✨ WAND NOISES!!!!!

Cap is THRIVING in his role GOOD FOR HIM!!!!!

KITMASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD YESSSSS!!!!!!!!

Bonus sound effect from Humphrey <3

The shoe lmao

FIRST ON-SCREEN GHOST HUG AND IT'S A KITMAS HUG OMG YESSSS THIS IS EVERYTHING!!!!

The "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" has both "In The Bleak Midwinter" and "Sorry Song" vibes I love it!

"Moonah so big you can almost touch it!" ROBIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

As a proud owner of Risk Cap getting Risk means so much to me

Thomas sobbing to The Smiths is such a mood

FUCK! THE REST OF THE TAPE IS SO 😭😭😭😭😭

FUCK! PAT'S CRYING!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I will be religiously rewatching this episode. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[killemwithkawaii]

I have a mighty thirst for Larry Johnson and I need to confess my sinful fantasies about him and anything to do with fucking him while we're both stoned as fuck.

I've pretty new to smoking weed still, I've only really used vape pens and edibles without having someone else roll or load a bong for me. Enter one sexy stoner god; Larry Johnson- The Weed Wizard.

One night it's just he and I hanging out, smoking weed and playing video games, and he playfully teases me and pats my back after I overdo it a bit and cough my lungs out for the fifth time.

I often get horny when I smoke weed, and I think Larry's regular joking around and ribbing would just have me squirming in my seat.

What I don't know is that he's noticed me not-so-subtly staring at his mouth out of the corner of my eye every time he takes a drag, biting my lip when he puts his hands over mine to properly grip the heavier bongs, putting an arm around my shoulders to lean in closer to light the bowl for me.

Before I can cough myself sore, Larry tells me he knows a trick to cough less- shotgunning.

I agree and he takes a long hit before pulling me close and exhaling slowly into my mouth without breaking eye contact. The next time he exhales, his lips are even closer to mine. After the third exhale of smoke he kisses me and then neither of can keep our hands off each other and fucks me to into the couch, all dazed and desperate. ~R

High Sex with Larry Johnson-

[CW: NSFW Lemon, Larry Johnson x (gn)reader, unsanitary, drug use, dubcon (technically bc you're both intoxicated???), MINORS DNI!]

>YUS SOME HIGH SEXY TIME WITH LARRY 😤👌💨💕💦

>I'd bet he would think it was soooo cute that you're a baby stoner and would loooove showing you the ropes~ >:3c

>The process of getting your weed ready and smoking as foreplay is so good??? Selecting just the right strain to set the mood, taking a big whiff from the bag to build anticipation, him introducing his pieces (and maybe laughing and sharing stories about the names he gave them), picking out what flavor wrap you want, the sound and smell as he grinds up a nug, him carefully collecting all the keif left on the sides of the grinder with one of his paintbrushes, the way he licks the blunt suggestively while making eye contact, watching his hands as he breaks down the bud and loads the bowl just so, him insisting you get greens and lighting it for you while you hit it, competing a little over who can take the biggest bong rip, seeing him blow smoke rings or french inhale just to show off a little (and maybe teaching you how to do it, too)...~ Just 🥴💨💓💦💦💦

>High sex where you're just grinding away and it's so damn sloppy but you're too gone to care about the mess or the noise or the occasional slipup in rhythm 👍👍👍

>Sometimes one or both of you gets the giggles or gets distracted and you end up having a deep and/or silly off-topic conversation mid-coitus, then realize you're naked and remember you were in the middle of having sex and you get back to it 😂

>Also taking a pause once in a while to take another hit while you're fucking (maybe while one of you is still inside the other) 😩👌💨💘

>Okay but what if he rolls you your own blunt to enjoy while you lay back and he goes down on you (and he wont stop talking about how he has the munchies and that you're really hitting the spot right now)? Do you shotgun him hits off of it and taste yourself on his lips or what?? 🤔

>Alternatively, sucking his dick while he smokes a blunt and he dirty talks and praises you and pets your hair the entire time 🙈💞

>Or, you could just go with some casual mutual handjobs while passively watching tv and cuddling up, not in any hurry at all to get off, just relaxing and enjoying the intimacy of touching each other while stoned UwU 💋💨💘

[onsunnyside]

sonny babie!! i cannot get stoner!ari out of my head 😖 him being secretly soft makes him so much yummier

dumbass(-ish)/oblivious!reader is very much giving arts and crafts lover hehehe 🥺 i think you're oblivious to the feelings behind ari's sweet gestures and gift but it's not lost on you that those are very nice things he does for you. so what do you do to show him appreciation? handmade gifts 🥰 you just want to show ari's you're really thankful (for his ~friendship~ and kindness 😈) by giving him something you put time and effort into and that makes his crush on you grow even more

in my head, after you smoked for the first time with ari, you crocheted him a coaster for his bong using his favorite colors. and yeah, maybe it does look kinda ridiculous bc who has a bong coaster 💀 but your smile when you see ari use it is worth it to him!! the second skateboard lesson you have with him is one where you gave him a sticker you made for his board. (you're all "i made you a sticker to say thanks! do you like it? it's you hehe!". the sticker is your cute drawing of a bear) it's obviously not on theme with the rest of his board and he sticks it on the space between his thrasher and skate or die stickers 😭. his friends make sure to tease him for that ofc

oblivious!reader is just so sincere and cute 🥹

(may i please be 🪷 anon? hehe :~D)

I AM ON MY KNEESSSS THIS IS SO ADORABLE YOU MAY HAVE SINGLE-HANDEDLY CONVINCED ME TO WRITE THE FULL FIC !! I'm an absolute whore for this kind of opposites attract love. cute little crafts start littering his dorm room, his roommate (curtis) asks if he's picked up some hobbies ("when the fuck did you learn how to knit?" "It's crochet." "It's what?") and that bit about the stickers, oh my !! i am so soft !! ari doesn't even want to use his board anymore bc he might ruin the sticker, but you say it's okay and that you'll make him a bunch more. ugh !! big scary beefy skater stoner ari and his crush on you, the sweet crafty, pastel-loving, blanket-maker, girl !!

[istherewifiinhell]

okay apropos of nothing. these idiots

[ID: Rise turtles screenshot redraw (from ep: mystic library) with 3 mutant-sonas, all looking up in apprehension in front of a help desk. They are: a red half mask wearing caimen (a small crocodilian) in dark and light green, a green eye mask wearing snapping turtle, in tealish tones, and blue masked... thing, with reptilian features and antenna, in mint green and warm beige. END]

da dipshit brothers <-collective gendering leave me alone

weep whomp bullshit be below

goes like this

ID: discord msg from: Stop. eating. THE POISON! (green): (going through screenshots) look it us

[ID: Og rise screenshot, the turtles are leo, raph and don. END]

see no mike shot cause we dont have a mike. if ur a mike type and sad abt it idk get urself adopted?

attempt one:

ID: message from: keep it down Vomitello (blue): (RED) mutant sona. NOW image attached is the green and blue characters in sort of proto designs, more 'rise style', lined and coloured, over the screenshot. the red one sketched in with only the expression and a blob of colour. text with an arrow points to it as "YOU GO HERE" END

fugging guy doesnt even have a mutant sona. ridiculous

an aside about styles:

[ID: msg from green: Yours is too cute that’s not fair (edited) blue: JUST CAUSE" i cant draw ur guy aswell rise style harrrrrd look practice sketch came out looking like 03 jhbdjhfg. myyyy bias attached sketch of the green turtles head more in line with 03 shows turtles (smaller eyes, diff head shape) END]

ID: msg from: beautiful birthday baby (red): Oh oof you can't just put me on the spot like that green: yes we can blue: im sorry u havent THOUGHT ABOUT IT. fucked up of u END]

Red: Leatherhead but not as big or smart Blue: HMMM which kind of crocodilian u wanna be. theres some fun ones Red: I'm partial to caimans and alligators Green: well chop chop pick up the pen tool Red: So caiman seems about right for a smaller alligator Blue: theyyyy are just little guyssss Red: Idek if I have clip studio installed rn Blue: u got mspaint. itll do

EIGHT HOURS PASS

[ID: msg from blue: gotta do everything around here attached art now has the caimen character drawn in, mostly the same as above. Though still in broad cartoony style, he has strong eye ridges, flat head, prominent alligator type snout with nostrils and gullet. END]

Green: WOOOOW THATS REALLY GOOD Red: Sorry I've been busy That is good tho thank you Blue: THANKIES. i do like crocodilians. is the thing. [Green] ur odd man out now. beak urself Green: That’s on you for not changing the style Blue: WELL. i was tryna draw ur guy as youuu drew him fghjsdf. gotta put him on the pottery wheel... MOLD HIM [...] Blue: anyway u. any actual animals ur guy is supposed to evoke or should i just look up bulbasaur realistic fanart

ID: Green: Lmfao is supposed to be a normal snapping Turble Blue: arrghhhaa YEAHgg photo of a snapping turtle making a funny face

an aside about... the devils green:

[ID: Green: Now I’m trying to think of how a big croc mouth smokes weed Blue: smoking big doinks in amish silly sketch of the caiman smoking a joint, eyes half lid with a big goofy smile, smoke coming out the nostrils. END]

Green: But [Red] doesn’t use joints Blue: IM NOT DRAWING A BONG. Green: I’m thinking of his big dumb [novelty branded bong] tryina get the croc mouth on it Blue: jhgbhjsdfg Green: That’s what’s making me laugh

ID: Blue: with difficulty sketch of the caiman with head lowered to a excessively long bong, arm stretch to over the distance of both his muzzle and the bong. hand drawn holding lighter to the. smoke bit. smoke comes out of the nostrils again. Green: HELL YEAHHHHH END]

Blue: 2 hours old and hes already schmoking Green: When he exhale becomes a dragon Blue: Yer Green: [Red] look at your weed smoking fursona Red: I got distracted but I hate and love it Green: was the distraction weed Red: No it was tik tok Green: so worse the worst drug

Attempt 2:

[ID: Blue: okay get creatured idiot art now has the turtle as the above art, without only minor touches. He has a wider set eyes, a more shapely and pronounced beak, the 'teeth' coming to a point, eye ridges, and more colour variation. END]

Green: YIPPEEE i forgor is yours a robot Blue: yerrr lol least amount of guy to draw and from front view so idk how to show. the CHOMPERS

(aka, now I FELT left out)

attempt 3: et volia

[ID: All characters as above, with highlights and shadows now, only drawn over the screen shot, not edited into frame. The blue masked reptile robot thing has been moved so its more visible also gaining a flatter head, eye ridges, a pointer (tho still round) beak with more teeth indicated in the comical expression. it has a scarf the same colour as its mask. END]

anyways i was like arggghh how to edit them into the scene better that seeeeeem HARDDDDDD. think about makeing them bigger and moving them and etcetc. until i realised i bet i could just get this background from the episode.... and then i was fucking around on websites. suffering... until i remembered.... i have... ALL OF SEASON 1. on my laptop. and. the thumbnail for this eps file is LITERALLY. this

[ID: the blank background of the library, with the desk in fore, little orb lights above, and the kooky purple mystic library selves and what not in back. END]

s'its about 3 mins in.