#okay Olympic wannabe I see you!!!!

[thencomethecherryblossoms]

Adding “Bible jumping up and down to see in the OR like he’s on a fucking trampoline” to the comedic even if it’s not supposed to be list btw

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Okay, yeah... I thought so...

Replies screenshot from my add to this post this post that I accidentally found through an email notification of an @ that you'll see didn't even scan on my tumblr radar on a reblog chain I couldn't add on to again because I blocked OP (good ♥).

This attempt at an @ is still hilarious by the way like OP was so afraid of me she blocked me I literally couldn't fucking hear or responded to any of what you little shits were saying ...

@poutyrootveggie @duncebento @specialmouse Whoaaaaaaa you little mediocre weebshit abled-bodied special needs dunces! I was so shocked that the last tough guy @ from the miku simp with the tumblr badges literally didn't scan and I only found out about this from opening my email and clicking the blog notes!

Yeah, I know you abled-bodied little shits wish god nuked you half as much as she nuked me since you're begging not to be perceived as feeling anything in your legs since you wanna be a vegetable that bad so you can have access to your weeby little comfort items and Mickey D's toys forever because you're never gonna grow up and get laid and I know you're gonna understand this as much as I understand tiktok memes because back in my day it was a Beelzebub Song but let me teach y'all's lil' steven universe sour cream studio ghibli guzzling wannabe misgendering unwashed surfer brah asses about something called hyperbole and sarcasm and metaphor and what a real dramatic "queer reading" means : It means I know and I don't care and if you want me to be nit picky about it y'all are too special needs to even mind your spelling...

And in this context means no disrespect but sometimes I wish I had as much the privilege and confidence as a low support needs abled-bodied autistic on social media explaining a thing about their Fandumb Oppression Olympics to be able to get away with typing like that much of a high support needs retarded version of myself while pretending to be that shocked by what a woman in a wheelchair is saying while causally misgendering her while I don't have any OCD regarding using any sort of punctuation while I'm doing that so abled bodies don't think I'm retarded, because I'm an abled-bodied autistic that can get away with doing the best impression of a retarded version of myself because I'm quirky brah it's not that deep but this lady who I just called "dude" and I have no idea how she feels about that doesn't Know Her Memes TM and that's what matters.

Not that a bunch of abled-bodied autistic weebs are trying to gang up on an actually disabled wheelchair user right now over what again, essentially amounts to a fandumb superiority/bully complex bigger than the weebs on Big Bang Theory and again, essentially started over Spoopynatch dishorse,,,,,

Because when abled-bodied autistics talk like that online or irl itssamememario but if my wheelchair bound arse ever did that in front of an older abled-bodied authority figure or anyone abled-bodied really...! Nitwit school. Special Needs Programing. 9PM curfew stuck in a group home.

Anyway, Homestuck ended years ago go lobotomize yourselves with a sharpy collective hallucination style if you wanna unlive that angy abt it!

Was shit like this why I'm getting so many new followers? Thanks but no thanks kidz go listen to your bops! ;) ♥

Have fun being stuck in your little tenderqueer fandumb mode forever because you made sure Hazbin is my last one but at least I'm a recovering Disney Adult using her Vivzietine patch instead of a little shit gen z otaku who's so spoiled I can get away with pretending to be more brain damaged than I actually am!! ;) ♥ X.O

(But oh, before I go @poutyrootveggie ...

"#ITS A MEME ABOUT PEOPLES UNNECECARY DOGSHIT HELP #I NEED THIS TO BE SATIRE" .. You mean a bunch of unnecessary dog shit like..? A bunch of weebs and apparent Homestuck and Supernatural fans trying to collectively dogpile on a Hazbin Hotel fan sharing on a fandumb post on fandumb website tungle.hel when they try to scold you about wishing you were doing s satire when they don't understand hyperbole and you wish that this abled bodied shit autistic with a Miku plushie for an icon and tumblr badges was a satire in and of themselves but deep down you know they're seriously pathetic enough to think, again that, causally misgendering and harassing a wheelchair bound woman for barking too loud about their own Special Interest Demon Discourse TM on a post made by a person with the studio ghibli cat TM as their icon talking about their demon shit rusty nail show discourse cause they're loser who liked that dog shit in the first place and I know I have far superior taste than any of ya so don't fucking @ me again... You think any of this cyberbully shit when I was just minding my own damn business and didn't even @ OP sharing sharing my fandom story fandumb story on a fandumb post on a fandumb website makes you look like the good ones? You mean pulling some "unnecessary dog shit" on me like that?

Well, jokes on you hon...This Hellhounds second bite fueled by Kesha's Cotten Candy bit down so hard on that lil' pussy OP got so scared of me that they blocked me back, meaning I couldn't even fucking hear you when you tried to @ me to stir shit up again and hows this for a final anime showdown? I'm pulling a Hatsune Miku putting my headphones back on so I won't be able to fucking hear you again.. You abled-bodied-wannabe-tard! LA! LA LA!`~ ♥

You want my silence? Pay me for it!

[neutronice]

YOI Misunderstandings (2): Yuuri

Oh Yuuri Yuuri Yuuri. Half of this one I sort of get, and half of this is entirely on this sweet precious idiot.

Yuuri Katsuki’s image of himself was so off and skewed that it nearly cost him a chance at love. Seriously boy, what are you doing breaking up with your fiancé on the eve of your free skate?

Yuuri Katsuki considers himself a dime-a-dozen Japanese skater. And boy oh boy does he act like it. He loses confidence and falls apart at the Grand Prix final in part because his dog died the day of, and what does he do? He refuses to even talk to his idol (...or so he remembers...) He lets himself accept Yuri Plisetsky’s abuse... and bombs nationals because his mind had given up. Had internalized just retire already!

I don’t think he ever says, but my guess is that he walked away from Celestino, not the other way around. And... when he returned to Hasetsu, he figured everyone else around him saw him as the failure dime-a-dozen wannabe that he saw himself as. Then... there were all these posters of him! And people who wanted to shake his hand! And his ballet teacher there cheering him on!

But nope. That meant nothing. He was a katsu-don who was terrible. Thankfully, he couldn’t give up the skating. Not when it brought him joy. Not when there was still a tiny little voice in his head that said he still wanted to skate, still wanted to try, still wanted to give it a go. Not when... he could not give up the dream of skating on the same ice as Victor Nikiforov.

So he went on the ice, and showed his close (and safe friend) Yuko his Hail Mary: skating to Victor’s free skate. Because that was how he fell in love with skating in the first place. This scene... of a post-katsu-don body Yuuri skating was private, and not meant to launch his comeback. Hell, on first watch it almost felt like he and Yuko were on the same level as skaters when you learn fast, they are not. Yuuri is an Olympic-level skater who seems to have decided he’s only cut out to give kids lessons on weekends.

Lucky for everyone, three visionaries appeared, set on changing Yuuri’s life, one Youtube upload at a time. Yes, I speak of the remarkable skating Otaku trio.

Axel, Loop and Lutz know better than their mom’s idiot friend and conspire to make events happen. Namely, making sure that the whole skating world sees Yuuri’s beautiful skating. Which... from reactions from everyone was beautiful. Here he thinks that they’re humiliating him, but these three young ladies knew better. Because... entreeeeeeee

Victor.

“You skate like your body is creating music.”

Okay, so when Victor got there, he was not entirely serious about it all. But he didn’t show up to some neighborhood skating rink and pick up a skater. Yuuri had chops. He just... seemed convinced that his talent was from hard work, not from... talent.

This is where the most heartbreaking misunderstanding started, though not as a misunderstanding. Victor did say he would get Yuuri to win gold at the Grand Prix. He (says to himself) that he needs to cast a spell to turn the piggy into a prince. And... that’s what Yuuri believes too.

Skating On Love: Eros, he seduces Victor (who probably was frustrated at the lack of successful getting-in-pants). In the free program, he thanks Victor for rekindling his love of skating. He is skating for Victor. And honestly, that is what sparks his confidence and lets him skate his best.

But somehow, Yuuri still thinks of himself as a dime-a-dozen. We seem him ignore Minami, who seems to give no fucks about Victor but is fangirling so hard over Yuuri that the boy needs a slap to the back to come back to Earth. Victor even has to yell at Yuuri for this. He’s an icon and role model to the young Japanese skaters... and doesn’t even seem to realize it.

This all means that Yuuri never internalizes the two most important things. His evolution as a skater (stamina so hardcore it is unrivaled), lyricality that means people can’t look away from his performance, and... landing the big jumps. He’s not a Joe Blow skater AT ALL. He’s at the top of his game. Victor sees it. Victor realizes that he wants to take Yuuri even further, because Yuuri has the capacity to get even better (after all, Victor’s short program was spartan.) Victor is now as driven by coaching Yuuri as he had ever been as his own skater. He sees the future.

But... our lovable idiot doesn’t. He still does not view himself as a skater so elite he rivals the best in the world. He thinks that his hard work is how he could capitalize on Victor’s teaching. He was Cinderella who went to the ball and danced with the prince, but needed to return to the rags from whence he came: retiring before he hit his peak.

Clearly, he was holding Victor back. He was being selfish keeping Victor off the ice. Because he did not deserve Victor as a coach.

It never occurred to him that Victor fell in love with coaching and with him. That thinking about the ways to bring his fiancé into the stratosphere he deserved to be in was where Victor was in Barcelona. Yuuri gave Victor life and love. Victor’s commitment completely changed between showing up in Hasetsu and Barcelona. He was no longer playing coach, he was falling in love: with coaching, with Yuuri. He was looking at the rest of his life with a smile on his face, even after the gold medals stopped being draped around his neck.

And... there was one more person who saw this too. Who did not see Yuuri as Victor’s chain: Yuri Plisetsky. When Victor said he was going to make a comeback? Yurio didn’t so much as flinch. He immediately asked what that meant about Yuuri. He doesn’t really care if Victor comes back. Yuuri Katsuki is Yurio’s worthy rival in Yurio’s mind.

And he skated for his life to prove it, skated to keep Yuuri skating against him. Victor? Fine. Whatever. Yuuri though.

Thank god Yuuri sort of figured it out. Maybe because of the broken record, maybe because of the silver medal instead of gold. We don’t know if he ever got over the dime-a-dozen mentality, but at least we know that he is staying in the sport. Possibly to exact revenge on Yurio for taking the gold. Possibly because when he skated the perfect program, he realized how much fun that was. Maybe because... he finally believed in himself with as much fervor as Victor.

Either way, thank god that misunderstanding worked out. The beautiful skating husbands deserve it.

[sugasplug]

EPISODE 3

tw: discussion of suicide

- lim is so fucking funny the way he does a complete attitude 180 when ryeon says "so i can use [jun-woong] how i want" 🤣🤣👌 top tier

- jun-woong can be such a bootlicker sometimes lmfao

- OKAY FULL NAME TIME LETSGO very grateful that he gave us the characters unprompted: Lim Ryung-gu, ryung as in "high" and gu as in "to rescue". wonder why thats considered a teaseable combo

- "MR. TEMP" "MR. CONTRACT" HES SUCH A BASTARD IM IN LOVE WITH YOU SIR

- god they cut jun-woong down so quick. "you look like a rag doll", ryung-gu's mean little snicker, "keep looking forward (newbie bitch heavily implied)" yall are fucking ruthless lmfao

- damn ok this show is so good at getting me comfortable in the flow of bullying jun-woong and then punching me in my kidney with some nuance. the scene with his fathers shrine grabbed me by the balls even as i called him an idiot for going home in the first place and almost getting caught. "i wanted to fill your shoes better...still, this is...a pretty big company. i dont think theres one as big in korea" please sir im begging you to shut the fuck up my heart cant take it 😭😭

- TLDR; jun-woong can have a little depth. as a treat

- "you know how our family is unnecessarily frank and objective, right?" ok dialogue exposition go off. thanks 4 this peek into the psyche of why jun-woong is Like That

- damn that shit on why the dads missing from all the pictures hit ngl

- jun-woong you bystander trash its all "dont get involved" til its YOUR shoes got fucked up. but hes too charismatic and funny to stay mad about it. also every time its shown him doing this he gets involved anyway so as far as we know hes not even bystander trash. hes....wannabe bystander trash ??

- the delivery of him and jae-soo becoming friends in this moment was 1 of the funniest things i seen in a long time i dont even know how many times i played it back. theyre both so ridiculous who does this shit

- the creation of kim woong-jun ahjussi = petty bitch lim ryung-gu confirmed

- THE ROOSTER CROWING IN THE BG WHEN JUN-WOONG SAYS THEY NEED CHICKEN AFTER JAE-SOOS DEPRESSION MONTAGE WAS SO UNNECESSARY I HATE KDRAMAS OMFG 🤣🤣

- lmao they rly spooked the fuck out this man he ran like an olympic gold medalist was chasing him with a knife

- ryung-gu seems to be developing a habit of holding jun-woong back from shit and im interested to see where that goes

- "a temporal error will occur if your temporary body gets close to your real body" sorry but what does going tachycardic have to do with time glitching ?? anw i really thought mr sexy grim reaper did all that shit to prove a point but it turns out he didnt and also kind of saved jun-woong's life by getting him away from his own body?? granted he didnt have to choke-throw him but yknow

- ryung-gu's energy is very matchy in the scene about the contract. jun-woong raises his voice, he raises his back. jun-woong speaks quier and with deliberation, so does he. gonna have to see if thats a pattern during a rewatch sometime

- OH NO THE STRAW 🥤😭😭

- damn my mans jae-soo rly said nah this nosebleeds gonna have to wait til im done studying

- "like im the only one standing still" [meme oof audio]

- "dont cry" [cries] "nevermind. cry it out" [stops crying immediately] why is this guy so relatable

- duality of man: jun-woong is smart enough to snag his shoes from the entryway before hiding so hes not caught out and able to argue his way onto jae-soo's case by citing his usefuleness as someone who grew up in the neighborhood but also dumb enough to forget his face will change to anyone in the land of the living that knows him and not even skim the contract before signing it. YOU ARE WORKING FOR THE MF JADE EMPEROR READ THE FUCKIGN CONTRACT

- LMFAO THE DIRECTOR WAS SO IN AWE AT THE GALL OF ASKING FOR A FORBIDDEN PRACTICE TO BE ALLOWED FOR THE SAKE OF FRIED CHICKEN SHE JUST SAID YES THATS INCREDIBLE

- jun-woong really stuck his head out the window just for the reverb on that "ANDWAE...!"

- damn this kid got kicked out of school, harrassed while alone by weird strangers who lied about knowing his name without ever meeting him before, watched his mom cough up both damn lungs then try to say she was all better because of the hospital bills, and became homeless all on one day which happened to be his birthday

- say bruh i dont think ur dads comin back w that chicken. FUCK AND HE LOST HIS DAD ON HIS BIRTHDAY TOO. SHIT. FUCK

- when jae-soo woke up from one (1) PTSD nightmare and went "hm yea i need to step in front of a moving vehicle immediately" i felt that 😔😔✊

- nah im with ryeon on this one jun-woong is painfully slow on the uptake

- idk whats funnier, the fact that mr sexy grim reaper got scammed just as hard as jun-woong or the fact that jun-woong damn near dove into the other room to avoid being seen. ngl tho id be pussybaby too if some guy choked me out and tossed me ten feet while my physical body was busy being defibrillated

- ok at the risk of sounding callous idk if trying to save jae-soo's dad is the right option here?? like sure he'll be alive and jae-soo might be less fucked up, but that money was assumably what kept jae-soo fed and allowed his mother to continue treatment at the hospital. if his dad doesnt kill himself for that money theyll still be homeless and broke, and shit, maybe his mom dies instead once shes kicked out the hospital and he's just got different trauma. and you know whatever bills his dad wracks up in the hospital after his car crashes is gonna push him futher in debt, not to mention the cost of repairing the car itself, or possibly getting sued by the driver of the semi (assumung s. korean road law is similar to the usa's). fucking with time is always so riskyyy how about just get the man a support system and some therapy idk

[juminly]

Nights Like These

Summary: A nice cozy movie night with timeskip! Iwaizumi Hajime.  Tags: Mostly Fluff & Smut towards the end. Warning: Smut starts after the “♥♥♥” and includes fingering and cockwarming.

–♥– 

Hajime knew that you loved mac and cheese. He had enough skills to be able to be able to whip up something nice and yummy for you after you've had such a long day and especially since you haven’t had an actual “date” in so long. Living on his own in the US for a few years did have its perks and this was one of them: he was a grown ass man who knew his way well enough in the kitchen to be able to cook for you. Sighing loudly, dark orbs stared for a few seconds at the smart watch strapped to his wrist then back at the pot in front of him. He was looking forward to seeing you more than anything. Being the athletic trainer of the national Japanese team was no ordinary feat and it took up a lot of his time and energy. But, that didn't mean that it would take up the time that you deserved, the time that you both needed. Being always so hyper-focused on his own work, his thoughts tended to drift off quite often to you, just thinking about the last few phone calls you had, the last few texts you sent him and the things you've done in your last few dates. He missed the way you sighed when he played with your hair... God, he loved playing with your hair, twirling your curls in his fingers. It wasn't even the agreed time for your date but he was anxious to see you. He wouldn't admit it to you though, not even to himself. The loud and strong thrumming of his heart in his chest was a big reminder of how much he loved you. He was smitten. No, ever worse! or better? He couldn't even think straight anymore, he was whipped for you and... Ring! Ring! Ring! Three rings. That's your own way of letting him know that it was you and he just absolutely loved it when you did that. If it were anyone else at the door, he wouldn't have been rushing towards it the way he had and flung it open just to see your face.

"Princess." The corner of his lips just curled up out of their own volition, didn't even ask for permission but they didn't even have to. You were here and he wouldn't have it any other way. Why was he acting and feeling like such a schoolboy? He didn't even care. What he cared about was why you were still not throwing your arms around him. "Come here, you." Leaning forward, he took your hand in his and pulled you in for a hug, squeezing his arms tightly around your waist, supporting your weight as you literally balanced yourself on the tip of your toes to wrap your arms around his neck and hug him back. He nuzzled your neck only for a brief moment, leaving a gentle kiss there and before you murmured in a wondering tone. "Cheesy?" He couldn't help but stiffen for a brief moment. Did you figure out what he had prepared for you? Or even worse, Hajime would be completely mortified if you thought he was cheesy or corny at any point and you didn't like it. Not that he was a man of many words but he always made sure that any word coming out of his mouth meant something. At least when it came to you. He didn't give two fucks when it came to the guys, they could all whimper and cry for all he cared. Nobody meant more to him than you. The click of your tongue snapped him out of his racing thoughts and that giggle... that same glorious and marvellous sound that made him turn his head the first time you met, that time when your eyes locked and he knew that he had to talk to you, even if one of the players on the team had to be used as a wingman just to be able to get a word in with you. "Babe-" You laughed softly. "What's going on in that head of yours? Are you daydreaming about me when I'm in your arms?" With a long sigh, you mumbled and seemed a bit disgruntled, which obviously made the furrow between Hajime's eyebrows even deeper. "If that's the case, then I can just leave. Is daydreaming about me better than real me?" He knew you were joking but how dare you use that pouty tone on him?

"I won't answer your first question. You'll have to wait and see for yourself. But-" Pressing his hand on the small of your back, his other hand inched down to grip you by the waist as his lips hovered against your own, his breath fanning over your lips, tickling them lightly just as a tingling sensation arose in both your chests. "Do you really think I would call you over if I didn't want you right where you are right now?" Closing the distance between you, he loses himself in the little taste of sweetness he could get from a chaste gentle kiss of your lips. It was hard for him to even contain himself or exercise any form of control when he's around you. "Right here in my arms." He murmurs softly before going back in for another kiss, a little bit deeper, a tiny bit more passionate as he molds your lips together, sucking on your bottom one before breaking away once again. Gazing down on you as you both try to catch your breath from the small loving exchange, Hajime stared down at your cheeks that were now painted with the most adorable blush, his heart swelling with giddiness that he was the one responsible for such a reaction from you. "Come on, we're watching The Princess Bride tonight and I better not hear any objections from you." He smiled as he saw yet another giggle from you, even as you rolled your eyes and told him that you've already seen it a thousand times before and you didn't even know why he wanted to watch it with you. Silencing you with a small peck, his usual frown was still on that handsome face of his but his gaze was soft and endearing. "I want to know more about the things that you love so you'll have to humour me for tonight, baby girl."

Kissing your cheek, his hand finds yours and he guides you to the living room, pulling you away from the kitchen since he knew that was the destination you had in mind. You always wanted to give him a hand when it came to literally anything but when it came to your dates or your time together, Hajime wanted to show that he wanted to do things for you. It was simply his love language. A language that was created since he met you. "Thanks for coming over. I know it was last minute but the guys' practice match got postponed so I decided to cut them some slack." - he chuckled before meeting your eyes that were now crinkling with laughter - "Not that I don't plan on kicking their ass later anyway. Gotta make sure they are in top shape and remember who's the one making the rules." Once he ensured that you were seated, he threw you a glance of warning over his shoulder as he walked out to the kitchen. "You better sit tight princess while I go get the food. I'll be right back." He winked at you and chuckled at the way you squirmed slightly and busied yourself with the remote control as he prepared your dinner for you. Hajime had his own way of showing his love and spoiling you. The man wanted to make sure that he followed through. Making you feel special, trying to show but a sliver of how he truly felt about you. Sighing loudly and after ensuring that the pasta was thoroughly cooked, he meticulously dumped it in a bowl, big enough to fit 6 servings of mac and cheese and brought two plates along with him to the living room.

As "The Princess Bride" began playing, you both dug into your food and being the humble fellow that he was, Hajime didn't dare comment on the food but he did find it quite... acceptable, to say the least. On the other hand, the look on your face when you saw what he had cooked for you was worth all the effort. He didn't use the basic Kraft Dinner mac and cheese, even though it was basically your favourite. However, he just wanted to do just a little bit extra for you, add his own touch : a four cheese mac and cheese with the finest pasta from a local Italian shop that he always ate at and even took you to a few times. The first few bites etched an expression of pure bliss on your face and that drew a shit eating grin on his face, one that you didn't even get the chance to see as you were too busy filling in your plate with a second serving. While you munched on your food and whispered about your favourite scenes from time to time, Hajime tried his best to keep his attention on the movie but you were much more entertaining that it was while you recited almost every single line that resounded from the TV. He wished he could turn it off and just watch you act out the movie and tell him about everything you love about it, he wouldn't have minded that at all.

He chuckled under his breath at the look of amazement on your face when you both managed to finish and lick clean all the contents of the pot. He just let you believe that you ate more than him - just for shits and giggles - when he was also devouring whatever he could from the food (about 4.5 servings - the man works out A LOT, okay? Don't judge-). Nobody could blame him, it was fucking delicious and he was proud that you loved something that he made with his own two hands. Taking a short clean-up/bathroom break, Hajime cozied up on the couch, checking all the stupid emojis and texts he received from the Olympic team. How did they even know that he was on a date with you? The texts and emojis on the group chat ranged from: "Ya betta get it on tonight, Iwa-chan~ Ya frown too much cause ya don't get laid enough!" - Atsumu, the wannabe Shittykawa. "WAT R U GOING TO BE DOING ON UR DATE? WILL IT BE FUN? MAYBE I CAN COME!? I LUV UR GF" - Hinata, the sweet sunshine boy bordering on annoying but too pure to be so, Hajime had to admit that he had a soft spot for him and the rowdy wing spiker who followed up with a text of his own. "WE'RE COMING OVER IN 1H TO HANG OUT WITH U! WE MISS HER SO MUCH!", Bokuto's follow-up did nothing but make the trainer's blood boil with imminent rage. If those two dimwits dared to even ring the bell of his condo, Japan can say goodbye to their favourite chaotic duo.

Putting in an Airpod in his left ear, Hajime began recording the most graphically violent threat he could muster on the group chat and stuttering mid-way through the voice note. Yes, Hajime Iwaizumi stuttered out of surprise and YOU were the only one who could catch this man off-guard as you walked back into the living room wearing nothing but one of his T-shirts. He barely managed a quick "I gotta go", clicked send without looking at the screen, blinked and gawked at you with a baffled frown.  "What happened to your clothes?" "Well~ Things did get a little messy in the kitchen and while I...-" You cleared your throat and bit your bottom lip, definitely not trying to turn him on. Sarcasm alert. "-kinda made things worse so I borrowed one of your T-shirts. I hope you don't mind." He simply shook his head, mumbling a husky "It's fine, what's mine is yours" and patted the seat next to him. His frown only grew deeper when you walked closer to him but made no sign of actually sitting down. Looking up at you, he could see the bright flush spreading across your cheeks when you pointed to his lap. "Is that seat taken?"

His eyebrow perked up in amusement along with a mirthful smirk, your bottom lip remaining a prisoner between your teeth. "Be my guest. Who am I to refuse a request from my princess." He chuckled as he grabbed your hand, pulling you into his lap and you squirmed in embarrassment, the feeling of your well-defined butt rubbing against him, those supple cheeks that his crotch was getting well acquainted with. The accidental groan that escaped his lips was a definite warning to stop what you were doing or continue at your own risk.

"If you keep wiggling your ass on me like that, you're gonna have to own up to your actions, sweetheart." His rough baritone was telling of the growing desire he had for you. He hadn't seen you in so long and he was starved for your touch, as if the soft brush of his calloused fingers on your thighs was no indication to his underlying intentions. He knew how sensitive you were and he was not above taking advantage of that fact, the slight shiver that ran over your body only urged on him, wanting to coax even more of these delicious reactions from you. 

♥♥♥ "Iwa-" Before you could even finish calling his name, his lips were on yours, nipping at your bottom one and sucking deeply before licking his way into your mouth, tasting the freshness of mint from his mouthwash as he entangled his tongue with your own, groaning loudly into your mouth. Breaking only for a moment, he demanded your attention as his fingers began to meander up your inner thighs, wasting no time to slide his index and middle over your panties, a clear wet spot forming and drenching the fabric slowly..

"If this is what you've wanted all along, you should've just said so, you naughty princess." Pushing your panties aside with his other hand, he deftly parted your folds and circled his fingers over your entrance, gathering up your slickness before lathering over your slit, barely grazing your swelling clit that desperately needed his attention. Seeing how you held your breath and stiffened in his embrace made him only want to do even more to you. This is not the type of quality time he had in mind but he was definitely not going to object to it. "Baby girl..." He crooned huskily as one of his hands rubbed up and down one of your thighs, making sure that your legs remained parted so that he could finger you good enough, prep you for what he had in mind. Before capturing your lips once again, he licked the seams of your lips, demanding that your eyes meet his own as he murmured against you. "You call me by my name, baby. You're royalty to me, after all." He smiled softly as you responded in kind, calling out his name and pulling him in a deep kiss, your hips slowly beginning to rut against his fingers that had yet to turn things up a notch. "Hajime..." You whimpered shakily against his lips, his warm breath fanning over your wet lips as his thumb rolled over your sensitive bud, moving clockwise and counter-clockwise, fast and slow with just the right amount of pressure to leave you with fighting to catch your breath. With two fingers right at your entrance, he watches you with avid interest, humming in satisfaction every time a moan escapes your lips, his own hips grinding involuntarily against your behind as his own erection begins to harden under your squirming figure.

"Hajime, I want you inside me... Please, stop teasing me!" You squeal while your nails dug into his shoulders, gripping those thick muscles tightly, while his own body tensed, betraying the composure that he desperately tried to maintain. His large biceps flexing as he squeezes his arms around you even tighter, trying to cease the negligible movement of your body that is driving him insane.

"Shush, baby. I'll treat you good. Just relax." Finally plunging in his fingers inside you, he swallows your moans with a searing kiss while you cried out into his mouth, his thick digits thrusting in and out of you and curling into you, your inner walls clamping down on them and sucking him in. With every roll of your hips, he met you with a thrust of his own, his fingers knuckle-deep, reaching that sweet stop that has you keening, so damn close to falling apart.

Your lips parted with a loud wet noise, his chest heaving with bated breath, his state reflecting your own but it didn't change the fact that you were feeling even needier when he cruelly removed his fingers from your core. Your frustrated whine didn't elicit any reaction from him but, contrary to his exterior, he could feel his body bursting with heat and it became unbearable. He exhaled loudly, patting your thigh and growling in your ear. "Get up and take your clothes off, baby girl. I'm not getting inside you until you do."

Hurriedly taking off his shirt in one smooth go and just in time to watch you reach for the hem of the oversized shirt, pulling it up in a rush, exposing more and more of your smooth skin. Fuck... he wanted to mark you all up but the twitching of his cock straining against his pants urged him to do so later. There were more pressing matters to attend to and right now, he just wanted to drink you all in. Licking his lips with a desire only you could sate, the darkness of his unquenchable thirst swimming in his orbs almost too much to handle, yet you still kept your gazes locked as you unclipped your bra, letting it fall to the floor while he fumbled with his belt, unzipping his pants and freeing his aching length with a loud hiss. The way you squeezed your legs together didn't go unnoticed and he knew that he left you hanging. "Come here, baby." As you inched closer to him, Hajime placed one large hand on either side of your hips, guiding you before him as you placed one knee on the couch and then another to straddle him, giving him a glimpse of your dripping core that was so ready for the taking while you wrapped your arms around his neck. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins as he latched on to the crook of your neck, sucking on your soft skin deeply while sweet moans tumbled so easily from your quivering lips. "I've had enough, Hajime. I promise... Just please... I want you inside me." You pleaded as his warm hands settled on your butt, fondling your soft cheeks while he angled you right on top of his cock, groaning against your neck. "You're so perfect. I fucking missed you so much." With his fingertips digging into your soft flesh, he eases you onto his cock, sheathing himself fully inside you as you sink onto him, both of you moaning in harmony as your cunt clamped down on every single inch of him that you could take.

For a few moments, both of you remained silent, your forehead pressed against his bare shoulders and his own lying on the crown of your head. The silence of the room was filled with your heavy breathing as you allowed the fullness of your bodies, the fullness of your hearts washed over you and enveloped you completely. Neither of you wanted to move or even dared to, even though your instincts screamed to grind against one another and chase the release that you both wanted. But it wasn't what you really needed. This moment, the intimacy, this... love. "W-what about the movie?" You breathed out shakily against his arm, giggling softly while you began nibbling on the hardness of his bicep. He knew that you weren't even mildly concerned with the movie which made him chuckle out a deep laugh that rumbled in his chest. You... You never failed to those stupid butterflies flutter in his stomach with your cute little acts of possession.

He wore your love bites with pride and didn't mind that they were in a place that was even more visible than his neck. He licked a long strip on the column of your throat, decorating it with nips of his own, marks of his love and yearning for you while his hands sought your breasts, kneading them with tenderness. Even if words betrayed him most of the time, he trusted his actions to speak for him. "There's nothing better than watching you, princess."

–♥– 

Please feel free to leave comments/feedback!💜  Masterlist

Tagging @shhhlikeme @hqissodelicate @cleverlittlevixen (I hope you enjoy your movie night with your boo :*) 💜 

[laszlowrobinson]

A playlist that your character would actually listen to

It didn’t say to describe why they would listen to these songs, but I did it anyway because while idk anything about music I like to rave about it lmao

Spice Up Your Life - Spice Girls 

I mean the Spice Girls were and still are iconic spelled to sound like eye-con-eek. They were a good chunk of his childhood to adolescence since they WERE the 90′s. So not only is their music just, you know, great, it holds a very nostalgic place in his heart. I mean he for sure watched Spice World and didn’t give a single shit that it makes no sense. It didn’t need to, it was the Spice Girls hanging with aliens and chilling out on the bus in their iconic fashion. Anyone in that movie he will reference as their character from that instead of like oh Hugh Laurie from House MD? NO, it’s Hugh Laurie, Poritot from Spice World. Oh Stephen Fry? From Gosford Par? NO, it’s Stephen Fry, the Judge from Spice World. 

Anyways, while he would and does put their entire discography on, I’m putting this one in particular because it’s such a bop!! And their anthem. When the bitches were back for the 2012 Olympics, while they may have opened with Wannabe with choreography, (except Victoria who literally stood there Posing, the icon) they really went in with Spice Up Your Life okay, they rode around that stadium ON the cabs while singing it!!! It’s 100% the song that will pick him up off the floor. 

LA DI DA - EVERGLOW

What a song??? Holy SHIT. It may be only like a month old in its life span but it Hits, so it gets a spot on this playlist because as soon as I heard it I was like, “Laszlo would be obsessed.” It’s a bop, it’s a jam, it’s everything he could ever ask for in a song. First off, the production on it is just so good!!! The beats HIT and the clapping behind their vocals picks it up to another level. And that part where they like lmfao aggressively grunt?? after “Everglow forever let’s go.” amazing, brilliant, stunning, absolutely the best thing he has ever heard before. And then the VOCALS!!! The talent!!!! Like the range between all the girls is astounding, and I don’t just mean their vocal range. I mean ALL of it, the singing, the rapping, the power and then pulling it back for the softness until they come back to make heads bop for the chorus. Whew!!! Just such a good, pump up song that he can bop around too and that’s his favorite kind of music!! 

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) - ABBA but the Cher Cover 

No disrespect to ABBA because Laszlo loves them, but he looooves Cher and while he would ALSO play her entire discography, this song just hits different sung by Cher in 2018 in her beautiful, earthy voice. And she did it so tastefully. She respected the original song by not turning it over into something completely lost to the track but it still felt like she was putting her own magical Cher-y blessing upon it as if it were her very own song. It’s like the perfect crossover??? He probably had an out of body experience listening to her cover album of ABBA and then going to see her in Mama Mia! 2. Plus, like, this song is also his life lmfaooooo where is his man,,, @ god (who is Cher, as confirmed on Will and Grace.) 

I Know A Place - MUNA

Not only is this song just...so good...but the lyrics of it really hit home for him. Like??? “Don’t you be afraid of love and affection/ just lay down your weapon”??? ow bitch. But it is a celebratory song!!! It’s about being able to be whoever you are and not having to worry about getting hurt or dealing with the bleeeh people of the world because they’re going to a place that’s safe and accepting, and that’s in LGBT+ spaces. And there are a lot of people who don’t feel safe and who are having to hide themselves, but this song is providing them a little slice of heaven to be themselves. It also serves as a reminder that there are places were you can be safe and happy and yourself and you will be accepted!!! And that’s just such a lovely message, and for music like this to be out there in the world for the youth makes him so happy! And the music itself is so funky and absolutely something that one can dance to. It has those places that slow down...and then HIT for the bopping around for the hype of the chorus!! UGH! and Katie’s voice still being sort of haunting really just brings it on home. This song is so good!! Stream MUNA!!!!! 

Paparazzi - Lady Gaga (TW: fake blood from 3:20-end of the video) 

I’m linking the 2009 MTV performance because I’m going to say that this was his first exposure to Lady Gaga and holy shit was it life changing!!! This was everything. Like the performance art of it really came for his throat. Spoiler alert: when the blood started pouring from her chest and the crowd like gasped and groaned??? It was a Cultural Reset!! She was singing her heart out and going all out on that choreography. Her foot up on the piano as she slammed the keys??? The set design?? SO GOOD! And her dancers? Shout out to them, because damn they really did that. So, not only is the song amazing, he will always associate it with hearing it to this performance and it is still such a good song!!! The lyrics are insane. She did this when she was 23, only a year older than him, and boy did it light a fire under his ass. 

And it also serves to keep him humble lmfao. Even though he isn’t Famous famous like his other family members he does have his own little corner of fame and can’t be out here falling in love with the attention. 

Coisa Boa - Gloria Groove

Honestly, anything Gloria Groove puts out is pure gold to his ears. They don’t have to go as hard as they do, but they do it anyways! The really pronounced instrument that’s going on? Their singing??? Going from rapping to hitting that note at the end of “Quer papo de ousadia?” absolutely sends Laszlo off the rails. Like, there’s no other way to describe their style than Iconic. It’s fun and fighty and gah! So good!! Also it just being about getting the Squad and going ham is just, chef kisses. Again, his favorite songs are things that get him moving and grooving, and this ones ticks all the marks and so much more. One day they will release an album and on that day someone should check to make sure Laszlo is still alive. 

Toxic - Brittany Spears

I mean what is there to say. The song is iconic, it came out when he was like 17. It was everything and still holds up today. The production on it still just boggles the mind. That like eeeeee sound??? The spy music break in the middle of it?? And the video!!! Art. The fact that she did the back handspring during the laser bit really just made him go insane. Cultural reset from the pop queen of the time. Turned him into a bigger Britney fan. Everything about it is so good. Another nostalgic one, but !! it still holds up baby!! If this is played he is legally required to perform. 

El Mambo - Mon Laferte

Her voice is just?? out of this world. Laszlo is a huuuge fan of everything she puts out but this one really just took him out. Like she can hit some powerful vocals and that’s what the beginning seems like they’re counting up to, but when she came out of the gate just rapping about this guy who needs to get over himself, woooowie. And then she comes back for that mambo sound in the chorus and her beautiful voice going In, ugh. UGH. It’s so good!!! She is amazing and the instruments on this one really highlight that as well as making it groovy enough to dance around to as we say goodbye to toxic men and their overwhelming jealousy!!

Too Little Too Late - JoJo

I’m linking to the 2018 version because JoJo re-releasing all her music so that she can get the cash money from HER music is...stunning, amazing, love her and love that for her. This song was yet another cultural reset. And you know what, she just got better. Her vocals kick ass and the lyrics are still just as good as they were when they first came out. That high register run she does toward the end??? Okay?? go off!!! Another song about a wonderful lady kicking a man out of her life and becoming better for it. also she JUST came out with a Christmas album so go stream it. 

Endless - Frank Ocean

Now this is the whole album because, honestly, that’s how it’s supposed to be listened to. There’s also the visual element that you’re supposed to watch while listening, but since that’s like no where to be found since Mr. Ocean’s people snatched it all up from the internet unless you want to buy it off Apple, this is all we get to work with. Which is fine, honestly. ANYWAYS, this whole album is just so beautiful. And no one really knows the full story behind where it came from or why Mr. Ocean made it, and that’s a whole over layer as to why Laszlo adores it!! Not only is the music stunning but the mystery surrounding it gives him life. Frank Ocean is another artist that he could press random on the entire discography and be happy with whatever decided to play, but THIS album is his favorite from the man. It may seem like the outtakes from Blonde but to Laszlo, they all feel intentional. It’s like peaking into a sketchbook versus the novel of Blonde, and that appeals to him!! There is a certain effort that needs to be put in to listen to it by finding it. So it’s that little bit of extra artistry that makes this album hit different than the others, plus the songs, though some very VERY short, are all GREAT. Every song has this sort of improv feeling almost? but feel effortless like all his other music. Some of them are really short, just snip bits of a song, but they don’t feel that way with how they flow together and cut one another off and it’s just a weird entity of music that feels fleeting and yet...endless. 

[hazyheel]

WWE Smackdown Live 7/23/19 Review

Well the show opened up in an interesting way, with us finding out that the commentary team for the night would be Tom Phillips, David Otunga, Xavier Woods and Big E. Well, that is certainly a way to stir things up. 

Shane McMahon opened up the show properly, with a promo. He got CM Punk chants right as he started talking, and later got you can’t wrestle chants. He put over the Raw Reunion show, and he talked about how Kevin Owens wasn’t on the show. He called him a coward for not showing up, but he was happy that he was not there. He acknowledged that Owens challenged him to a Summerslam match, and even accepted. He also accepted the stipulation that if Owens loses, that he would quit. He then said that he was skeptical about the truth of that, and he played the footage of him losing an Intercontinental title match last year and quitting, but returning a week later. Shane said that he wanted to make sure the stip will stand, and said that he wanted it in writing. Owens then showed up, and said that the quitting was the lowest point of his career. He said he was broken down then, and he has changed. He said that it didn’t matter, because he wouldn’t quit. He would beat the hell out of him in that match and win, and nearly attacked him tonight, but Shane said that he couldn’t attack him until the match. Shane then booked a match between Owens and Roman Reigns. 

Grade: B. A pretty basic promo, but we had a nice twist at the end there. I like Owens and Reigns matches, so I was excited to see that later. Of course the summerslam match would happen though, that was no surprise. I’m happy to say that the opening promo this week was good, even enjoyable. 

Backstage, Shane talked to Elias and Drew McIntyre, who kissed his ass about booking that face vs. face match. Shane then said that he wanted the match to be special, and booked Drew McIntyre as the referee, and Elias as the timekeeper. He then said that he would be the special ring announcer. Okay, lots of overbooking, but I thought that was kinda funny. 

Then we had Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Apollo Crews. Crews had control early on, hitting some of his nice offense, and reminding us all that he is a great talent. He gave Nakamura a nice delayed vertical suplex, holding him for around 15 seconds. He then gave Nakamura a clothesline out of the ring, and followed it up with a moonsault off the apron. Nakamura was in control during the commercial, but Crews gained control again when when we came back to live, hitting some nice strikes. However, Nakamura responded to the strikes with an awesome sliding German suplex. He went for the Kinshasa, but Crews countered with a ensiguri and an olympic slam, but only a near fall. Crews tried to follow up with a standing shooting star press, but Nakamura dodged it and hit a Kinshasa for the win. 

Nakamura continued the attack after the bell, giving him another Kinshasa at ringside. 

Grade: B. Good match here, lots of offense for Crews, and some close near falls. Crews has gotten a lot of TV time lately, which ups his stock, and Nakamura got a good win on TV to solidify his title reign. Good booking and a good match. 

Then we had Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville backstage. Rose said that she told Shane that the IIconics were making fun of him last week, so he gave Fire and Desire a match against them next week. Deville asked if that meant they had a Women’s Tag Team Title match next week, to which Rose responded, “Yep. And if we win, we deserve a tag team title match!” Then they stared into each other’s eyes lovingly. They really stumbled over their words here, it was kinda funny. 

Then we had a promo from Ali, who was sitting in a stairwell looking upset. He said that he has to rewrite his story. He said that he needs to change his story from a guy to had to scratch and claw his way into the WWE, and then to a WWE championship match only to have the rug pulled out from under him. He says that he refuses to let that injury be his whole story, and he refuses to be forgotten. He said that if his pen ran out of ink, he would use his blood to write his story, and he will go down in history. Good stuff, I like that. 

Then we had Miz TV, with Shawn Michaels as the guest. As he came down, Woods and Big E sang along to the song. They were kinda get on my nerves on commentary. The fans chanted for HBK, and he ate up the applause. He said that he loves coming back and seeing people, because they are his family. Michaels talked about how they inducted Rollins into DX/ The Kliq, they plugged one of the marine movies, and then they plugged Summerslam. Then Dolph Ziggler interrupted. He said that he never wanted to be a legend that couldn’t learn to let go. Michaels then said that he was fine with letting Ziggler get stuff off his chest, and Ziggler said that Michaels didn’t need to come back. He called Michaels embarrassing, as embarrassing as Goldberg in a wrestling ring. Jeez, leave the guy alone, it’s been a while. Michaels said that he wouldn’t disagree with him, but it was more embarrassing to work a full career, and be known as nothing more than a Shawn Michaels wannabe. Ziggler said that Michaels was second rate, and said that Michaels will only be known for kissing ass, and Miz told him to just do something. Miz was sick of his complaining, and said that if it should have been him, he needs to make it him. The crowd chanted for Ziggler to do something, and he swung at Michaels, only for him to hit Miz, giving Michaels a superkick instead. 

Grade: B+. I was super into this. These are three great talkers, and they cut a good promo. Ziggler came off as a whiny bitch, as he should have, who was confronted and led to his breaking point by a couple guys who were sick of it. Good way to build the probable match with Miz. And Michaels sold the superkick well, so that was nice. 

We came back for a match between Ember Moon and Charlotte Flair. Bayley came out right at the beginning, which distracted Charlotte and got Moon a rollup for the win. Bayley celebrated with Moon, but Moon threw Bayley back in the ring, and Bayley ate a big boot from Charlotte. Moon then gave both women an eclipse. 

Grade: C-. I would prefer an actual match, and this will probably lead to a triple threat when I would prefer a singles match. This is all more than likely leading to stuff that I don’t want to happen, and this was a very rushed segment. But it was effective, and not actively bad. 

Then Kofi Kingston came out to choose his challenger for Summerslam. Michael Cole replaced Woods and Big E on commentary for some reason. Kingston said that he wants to challenge Randy Orton, and he called him out quick so that he wouldn’t get attacked from behind. Orton came out, as commentators talk about Orton’s win over Kofi last week. Kingston said that he and Orton have history. He talked about how Orton killed his push ten years ago, because he was pissed about getting destroyed in a falls count anywhere match, which is a clever way to incorporate that whole moment in a kayfabe sense. Kingston said that he refused to stay down. Orton then confirmed that he held him back, saying that he was not ready then, and he isn’t ready now. Orton said that he was world championship material, while Kofi’s Jamaican accent and pancakes were not. He said that he was the reason Kofi became world champion, because he injured Ali. He said that Kingston doesn’t deserve the championship, and he can take it whenever he wants. Orton accepted the match for Summerslam, but said that he would destroy him with the RKO. As Orton was leaving, Samoa Joe came out. Orton refused to leave, and Joe vs. Kingston was next. 

Grade: B+. Another really good promo. I liked the way they incorporated things into Kayfabe. Plus I forgot how good Orton was on the mic, and Kingston is no scrub. This story makes sense, and it made me look forward to the championship match. Highlight of the night.

We went right into Joe vs. Kingston. They grappled around a bit, no one really getting the advantage early on. The part of this match that really stood out to me was how good Cole and Phillips were together. I liked their commentary a lot. Joe mostly dominated their match with submissions and big power moves, similar to their other matches. Kofi was about to get a win, when Orton ran into the ring and tried for the RKO, but caused a DQ. Kofi stood off with Orton in the worst fighting stance that I have ever seen, and Orton dropped Joe with an RKO instead. Kingston then gave Orton a trouble in paradise, and stood tall.

Grade: C-. Not very good stuff here. The match was boring, the post match angle was predictable, but it was necessary and effective. For whatever reason, Kofi looked so stupid in his fighting stance that it dropped the grade a lot. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it, look it up. It’s awful.

Then we had Finn Balor come out. He was interviewed in the ring, where they also plugged Smackville (which I will be reviewing, but not doing predictions for). They talked about Bray Wyatt’s attack on him, and Balor talked about how he doesn’t care about why Wyatt attacked him, he just wants to put him down. Balor challenged him to a Summerslam match, and Wyatt appeared on the titantron as apart of the Firefly funhouse. He talked about the Fiend as if it was a different creature, and said that the fiend accepted the challenge. He ended the promo with a “let me in,” and then showed choppy image of the fiend. 

Grade: B. Pretty good. Could be a good match for Summerslam, plus Wyatt kept up the creepy vibe of the Fiend. Good build. 

Then we had an interview with Charlotte Flair, who was pissed about not being booked on Summerslam. She said that she demands to be booked on the show, and will prove that she is the greatest female superstar of all time.

Then we had the main event. Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns, with Drew McIntyre as the ref, Elias as the timekeeper, and Shane as the ring announcer. As he announced the participants, Shane made sure to mention that he beat Roman a couple times, and called Owens a quitter. Owens then got on the mic, and said that he was going to drop Shane tonight and run threw Reigns to do it. Reigns took offense to that, and they started the match. McIntyre made sure to be right in the middle of the action in the early goings, pushing both of them around. However, Reigns quickly attacked McIntyre, and then Owens attacked Elias. They almost had their hands on Shane, but the heels came out to fight them off, and the heels beat them down. Owens was actually able to hit Shane a bit, before giving Elias a stunner, and Roman giving McIntyre a spear. They destroyed Shane with a superman punch and a stunner, and the two faces stood tall. The crowd begged them to attack him one more time, and Owens gave Shane another stunner.

Owens then got on the mic, and he said that his attack tonight will be nothing compared to the one at Summerslam. He said that he will actually make Shane enjoyable with the beatdown. I sure hope so. 

Grade: C+. Not bad, but certainly not great. I was hoping that we would have a match here, but watching a bunch of finishers was nice too. Reigns inclusion here really was just to get him on the card, so that didn’t make much sense, but it was fine otherwise. Still don’t care about that match though. 

Overall grade: B-

Pros: opening promo; nakamura vs. crews; Miz TV; kingston promo; Wyatt promo

Cons: Moon vs. Charlotte; Joe vs. Kingston

I would also like to offer a special message to Byron Saxton, whose father recently passed away. I wish you and your family the best in your time of suffering, and I am sorry for your loss.

[tarralin]

First Day

Written for @writers-guild-discord

Prompt: “You'll wish you never asked me that.”

Fandom: Original Work

Words: 752

Warnings: minor physical violence, slight spoilers for Fox Hunt

~☆~

Mabel sighed as she gazed over the property creek. It was exciting to have actual friends for once, especially since moving to Dallas and into a new gymnastic circuit.

But could she really do what they were asking of her?

“What if one if you gets badly hurt?”

Rica rolled her eyes. “Then we say we were practicing our contest floor routines.”

“How would that cover a black eye?”

Jules spoke this time. “We were all practicing at the same time and lost track of where the others were. We collided, maybe took a knee or heel to the eye.”

Mabel glared now. “How long have you two been planning this?”

“Since you took down those three bullies!”

“That was my first day at the gym!”

The incident occurred over a month ago. Her first rehearsal with her new team had just come to a close when she headed to her car in the parking lot. No one stopped her to talk, not that she expected anyone to. At sixteen, most of the performers weren't looking for new friends and only interested to see if the newcomer was talented enough to keep them from their Olympic dreams. Mabel had learned to control her own natural abilities to the point of fronting a false show of amateurism and lackluster performance, keeping the Olympic hopefuls off her back so she could focus on true strength gain.

She had just thrown her gym bag into her trunk when she heard heckling from across the lot. Her father's training ensured stealth as she snuck around a building wall, stooping down to be hidden by a dumpster. There were three male voices she didn't recognize from the gym but the two female voices she remembered from her new team.

“Don't you three have a puck to be chasing?”

“No, Jules,” -- that was the one called Rica-- “that's for actual hockey players, you know? Not wannabe benchwarmers.”

“What did you say?”

The ensuing scuffle was unmistakable. A gym bag fell to the ground with a thud and the rustling of windbreaker warm-ups told her someone had just been shoved to ground.

“Hey!” Both girls shouted at once.

Mabel scaled to the dumpster’s top and launched herself upon the trio. She hooked a leg around the torso of the nearest boy and used the momentum of the fall to slam him into another boy, sending them both rolling across the pavement. The third stood frozen and wide-eyed at the display as she paced the distance to the two girls who had been shoved into a wall, offering a hand to each.

“I think you and your friends should get to chasing that puck.”

That got the boy's feet moving as he backed away to run after the other two who were already scrambling to their feet and dashing around a corner.

“You two okay?”

“We are now. Thanks.” The Latina was first to accept Mabel's hand before turning to help her friend off the ground. “Why is it always your mouth that gets us into these situations?”

“Hey, they've never touched us before! How was I supposed to know that would happen?”

“You've ran into them before?” Mabel questioned.

“They love making fun of all the gymnasts when they can.”

“But this is the first they've actually followed us and did anything like that. I'm Juliana by the way, everyone just calls me Jules. Sorry we were late today and didn't get to meet you.”

“And I'm Rica, the reason we were late.”

That first round of laughter turned into a milkshake run and Mabel driving them home when they would have otherwise walked. Over the next several weeks, it surprised her to learn how many things there were to do outside her normal routine. Jules and Rica weren't daughters of career military generals like she was and looked forward to movies and shoe shopping instead of gun ranges and muddy forest hikes.

But now they wanted Mabel to train them as her father had taught her?

She glanced back out over the creek while her hand ran through her hair. “Are you sure you want my kind of training? My family has been doing intensive military exercises for generations and I still have a long way to go.”

Rica's brow arched with more attitude than if she had vocalized her usual ‘try me’ line. Jules simply shrugged. “We’re gymnasts, too. How hard could it be?”

A bark of laughter escaped Mabel. “You'll wish you never asked me that.”

~☆~

[margridarnauds]

laz and solene pls

THANKS FOR MY LIFE AVERY

Lazare

Sexuality Headcanon: GAY GAY GAY. I mean, the man has a RAINBOW across his crotch at one point. (Now, you could argue that it was a trick of the lighting, but come on. We know the truth.) Possibly with a side of demi, since I really don’t think that he really has any interest in sex until Ronan comes into his life, despite having a longtime (unfortunate and unrequited) crush on Artois and I genuinely can’t see him, say, going to a brothel or even having an affair with another officer or a soldier. I just think the man, with one, single exception, is more or less completely married to his job, and given the emphasis in army training on avoiding libertinism, the idea that “vices” weren’t inherent and could be stomped out, and my own headcanons as far as his family history...it ain’t gonna happen no matter what. Like, there are probably ongoing challenges in court as to who can successfully get the D, with no one being successful. (This has led to a number of young ladies swarming him at any given function in the hopes that they’ll be the one to melt his brooding heart.) In some AUs, like the Polyam AU, he’s obviously bi, but that’s the odd one out on multiple levels and is one of the few I’d really put into its own continuity (Come on, it acknowledges R/O, for God’s sake.) Asexual homoromantic Laz is also Very Important to me, with him trying to deal with everything because Ronan unleashes SQUISHY FEELINGS in him but he still doesn’t feel any sexual attraction towards him, though he’s not 100% opposed to sex in principle, and Ronan taking it personally because it’s Ronan and, in all fairness, it’s not like they have pamphlets on asexuality in the 18th century, though eventually they decide to navigate it in a way that makes them both happy.

Gender Headcanon: Generally, I write him as more or less cis, but trans Laz has a very, very special place in my heart since it puts his need to conform to society in an entirely different light. Like, it could be a Lady Oscar-esque situation where he’s an only child and Mama Peyrol and Papa de Peyrol (mainly Mama de Peyrol because *someone* is probably either in a brothel or on campaign WHOOPS) get worried and just...straight up raise him as a guy from the time he’s about 4-5 years old and he’s okay with it because, well, he is a guy and he’s happy that they finally notice that (and since boys habitually wore dresses until about the age of 7 when they had their breeching, this wouldn’t even be a Major Deal and they could probably come up with some bullshit reason for why they’d had a daughter baptized but now have a healthy son. Or if not, they just, like, bribe the local priest. Because they’re aristocrats and can afford to do shit like that). Then Papa de Peyrol dies, Grandpapa de Fuck comes into play, and it becomes more of a Thing, with always Upholding the De Peyrol Name and Fulfilling His Duty becoming the focus rather than, idk, raising a well-adjusted kid. Like, he gets some points for not misgendering him, but on every other level? Dude’s still an asshole. Because he’s Grandpapa de Fuck.

Laz is taught that he has to be the best grandson and heir that he can be, that no one can ever have a suspicion about him, which also becomes a bit of a strain as the pressure to marry looms in the future and Grandpapa de Fuck dies without even being useful. (Typical). And so Laz tries very, very hard to conform, to not so much as bend a single rule, to be the perfect military man. He gets this reputation for being standoffish from the time he’s a young officer, about the age of 14, never really interacting with the other men, even changing his clothes in secret, always sleeping on his own when he has the opportunity to, and, despite the other officer’s best efforts, never going into a brothel or having an affair no matter how many bets they make among themselves. Until one day some reckless peasant boy charges into his life and Laz really, really tries to fight it because this could ruin EVERYTHING but. It’s Ronan. Ronan’s persistent. And also an oblivious toenail so it takes a little while to get it through his head that, no, Laz is still a man and Ronan’s STILL gay AF. (Sorry, Ronan, you can’t no-homo your way out of this one. Full homo. All the homo.)

A ship I have with said character: R/L is pretty much my be all, end all for Laz, though I also can and do ship O/L and R/O/L.

A BROTP I have with said character: Poor Laz in canon doesn’t really have any friends that we see, unless you count the one time he and Artois conspire. (I don’t.) Even though I tend to have his troops shipping Laz/Ronan, that’s out of selfishness as much as anything else (if he’s getting laid, he might not be so snappish.) In the Abomination (which...obviously doesn’t go with the whole “Peyrol wanting to fire on him”...thing from the Zuka version), I like the dynamic between Laz and Papa du Puget, where you have the latter really helping him out in terms of figuring out where he is in terms of his relationship with Ronan and getting his sense of individuality back. Like, it shouldn’t require a neon sign to say “Hey, maybe not having anything to do with your boyfriend except for when you have sex might be part of the reason why he’s not speaking to you right now, maybe cuddle with him?” but Laz is new to this, doesn’t exactly have a roadmap, and thinks that his relationship with Ronan can be neatly packaged into his schedule. Which...surprise, it can’t be. Since du Puget is also very much a man of the Enlightenment with a HUGE library to match it (really, we know this, because when the Bastille fell he demanded compensation for it), if anyone can help Laz get grounded again, it’s him. And, since Laz is about 24-ish in the Abomination, he’s the perfect age to be Du Puget’s son (with Olympe being about 19), which adds an extra dimension as du Puget (my very, very specific version of him modeled after the historical figure) really mirrors Laz’s father in a lot of ways, from his friendship with de Sade (who Laz *loathes*) to his military career and his habit of occasionally having affairs. (Which is pretty shitty, but not unexpected given the times.) The difference is, du Puget really does get the opportunity to do what Papa de Peyrol never could: Do his best to protect Lazare from Grandpapa de Fuck’s influence, even if the damage has already been mostly done, as well as ultimately give up his career and his post for his family. (For what it’s worth, I tend to headcanon Papa de Peyrol as a wannabe Validad who was just...flawed in his implementation of it. Like, my take on him is this guy who would always bring back his son toys and souvenirs from his campaign, tell him stories when he tucked him into bed, etc., but whose own weaknesses ultimately still led to his death and his widow being left absolutely destitute to the point where she had to make a deal with Grandpapa de Fuck. Because it’s the 18th century and life’s a bitch, especially if you’re a widow with weakened financial prospects and a young child and your father in law is convinced your kid is his second chance from God.)

A NOTP I have with said character: Generally, I’d say Artois/Laz in anything that’s not set pre-canon given that, for all it could be interesting in a fucked up way, there’s no way it’ll end up well for Laz, but I have also seen Danton/Laz and it scarred me deeply. Salieri/Laz is something I’ve also seen a bit, which I don’t *get* because any time they would have met it’d be like: *gay staring*

*gay staring*

*gay panic*

*gay panic*

And then both of them rushing over to their extroverted boyfriends. If anything, I could only really see the two of them bonding over having absolutely ridiculous boyfriends (and, if it gets to postcanon for both, bonding over WHOOPS I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED MY BOYFRIEND).  

A random headcanon: Oh God, pretty much everything I have on him is a headcanon. Like, even the things I take for granted on him (like Sugardaddy!Laz) are headcanons. The man is one massive, walking headcanon because no one in the writer’s room wanted to sit down and work on their contract cop-out; they were just like “fuck, let him keep Maniaque. And give him this new song. And a bit in the opening, where he demonstrates the beginning of his homoerotic tension lifelong hatred with the lead. That’s good, right?”

Laz always liked music growing up; he liked how steady the beats were, he liked the smooth texture of the harpsichord keys, he liked his mother sometimes sitting him on her knee and gently moving his fingers over the right keys, he liked the way he could channel himself into the music. Communication was hard, mired in social niceties that he didn’t always understand, things that the adults treated like they were life and death, but music was simple. Hitting the key one place produced one sound, hitting it in another produced another, every time. When his father was at home, he would sit in the drawing room and listen to the two of them play, applauding at the right moments and praising Lazare enthusiastically. This was the first time young Lazare tasted success and praise, and he basked in it. By the time his father died, when was about seven or eight, he was quite good at it in his own right.

Obviously, since this was a bright, happy period in Lazare’s life, guess what Grandpapa de Fuck did? Yep, it went out the window. A man, Grandpapa de Fuck believed, could only ever be talented at one thing, barring some few geniuses (with his grandson not being among them), and Lazare was going to be a soldier. Everything else was going to go. As with most things relating to his childhood that his grandfather robbed him of, he chose to convince himself that it had been a childish indulgence. He still felt the music, though, in the steady rhythm of soldier’s boots and the beat of the regimental drum, but he could only direct it now, never play it for himself. Once, when he was a young officer being used by enthralled with the Comte d’Artois, the latter took him to a performance of an opera, chastising him when he noticed the way Lazare’s hands moved throughout the performance. Lazare buried it even further, not even talking about it when it could be avoided, much less consuming it.

Then, Ronan comes into his life. And Ronan’s not a music critic; the most he knows are the peasant songs they played at festivals or sang as together in the winter months when things looked bleak and they had little else to do. He probably doesn’t know the difference between a harpsichord and a piano, just that they’re Rich People’s Instruments. But, despite everything else, despite the hard time he gives Peyrol for it at first, he ends up egging him into taking classes again because, Hell, it’s something besides homicide that makes Laz happy and, for all of their differences as a couple, Ronan wants him to be happy. And it’s frustrating, because he should know how to do this; for so long everything in his life has been something that he already knew and could predict and, with this, he can hear his failure. There are many times that he takes his anger out on the keys or scatters the sheet music around. But, over time, he feels himself improving, the keys start to become old friends to him, and, gradually, he starts to play again. And it’s not like it was when he was a child, there is no audience eager to praise him, but, sometimes during a late practice session, Ronan will come over from behind (with some amount of warning, since approaching the experienced army officer from behind tends to have unforeseen consequences), drowsily nuzzle into Laz’s neck, and it’s just as good. (Also, he probably reaches around to play a few notes of “Ah, Ca Ira” or “La Marseillaise” while Laz is briefly distracted because Ronan Mazurier is, first and foremost, a little shit). (Also, they totally bang on the harpsichord at one point.)

General Opinion over said character: MY SON. My useless, emotionally repressed, gay, homicidal, aristocratic son who needs to have some sense knocked in his head but is trying his best and is quite possibly the only officer in Paris who is actually doing his job. Deserves more screentime and/or cuddles from his boyfriend who is STILL ALIVE, thank you very much, if and when he gets into the position when he’ll accept them. I wish he got something resembling character development or an arc, but HE’S MINE NOW. (And, tbh, I’m a little worried that it’ll be a monkey’s paw type situation with him getting more time. Like, I’m fully prepared to sell my soul to the Toho production, but I’m also preparing myself to see a much darker take on my son than I’m used to. Including when it comes to Ronan. And that might be a bitter pill to swallow.) Even though I love all my sons equally, I prefer the opportunity for nuance that original!Laz afffords (and the amount of Done he seems to be most of the time), as the other two lean a little more towards sadistic (though sex dungeon Laz is too good for me to pass up entirely). Also, I still hold Toho!Laz as an ideal faceclaim for Grandpapa de Fuck. 

Someone please save him. I would, but I’m too busy tossing him into the Seine atm.

Solene

Sexuality Headcanon: Solene’s sexuality has always been tricky for me because bisexual Solene is very near and dear to my heart (ONE OF US, ONE OF US), but I could also make an argument for lesbian Solene who separates her working life from her private life. In another universe, she very likely would have ended up with a man no matter what, I’m not sure if she’d have been entirely content, but she probably wouldn’t have questioned it so long as she was decently secure and well-cared for, like most WLW throughout history probably did. Even in canon, I could see her taking up with a man (like in the Zuka and Toho versions where she and Danton have a longer term “relationship”), because it’s a means of security + stability so long as he’s not some abusive assfuck who thinks that he owns her, but as far as actual trust and companionship are concerned? I can only really see it with women, which makes sense when you consider how closely tied Solene really is to women, especially in the French and Toho versions where she’s got “Je Veux le Monde” which is literally her belting out about how awesome women are and how men (specifically Ronan) are too blinded by their own ambition and bloodlust + the fact that we always see her surrounded by the other women, during La Nuit M’Appelle, Je Veux le Monde, and Fixe.

Gender Headcanon: She’s most likely a cis woman. Je Veux le Monde has a great emphasis on childbirth, etc. associated with that, though I could also roll with a significant portion of that being her taking power in her own terms, using the only language she knows, like she also seems to be doing in La Nuit, while still perhaps being a little unhappy with the way gender identity is dealt with in 18th century French society. 

A ship I have with said character: Solene/Olympe. Like...was there any doubt?

“Oh, I think Peyronan’s my OTP and I can’t wait to work on all my fanfiction for them!” *Accidentally writes Solympe fic after Solympe fic*

“How did THAT happen?”

I mean, it does help that they aren’t at each other’s throats for the early part of their relationship, unlike SOME PEOPLE.

In all honesty, given how little Solene actually gets to do, there’s really not all that much room for shipping, save with the women around her and Lucille in the Zuka version. Which is an option, definitely, given that they “become friends” BUT.

A BROTP I have with said character: Despite headcanoning Solene as one of a VERY small number of people who can genuinely scare Laz, I do like to imagine the two of them bonding over Ronan’s more ridiculous moments. Like, at first she’s pissed as HELL at him for obvious reasons, but it also becomes a matter of “What did he do this time?” “He told me that my chess set was royalist propaganda. Then he jumped out the window. I have yet to try to retrieve him” “*Sigh* Let me talk to him.” And, in the Abominationverse, with the advent of the twins, Uncle Lazare is the nearest thing they have to a responsible adult when Solene and Olympe want to have a date night and Olympe’s parents are otherwise occupied, and since the children are already strangely drawn to him, well...there are worse babysitters, especially during the period of time when Ronan is off playing Hero of the Revolution and the twins are the only thing Laz really has to keep his mind off of him.

A NOTP I have with said character: Solene/Danton as a ship somewhat creeps me out, given that (1) He still has the ability to throw her out on the street with nothing and (2) ...Historically, we know how this one’s going to work out. Danton’s married, eventually he’s going to marry a fifteen year old a couple of weeks after his wife dies, and then he gets fucking guillotined. There is no way Solene doesn’t get fucked over AGAIN in this one. (Also, I just...don’t see them as a romantic couple. He was a customer, they did the do, Ronan was SUPER pissed about it and Danton’s probably forever on his shit list for it, but still. It wasn’t a *romance* for her. It was food for the day. It was part of her rent for the month.)

A random headcanon: The pink ring that Solene wears in the “Je Veux le Monde” music video (and, seemingly, in the showcase video) belonged to her mother. When Mama Mazurier realized she wasn’t going to survive her last birth, when Solene was probably about 5-7, she pressed it deep into the girl’s hand, as if hoping that she could press the ring into her memory as well. It was the last movement she would make in this life. As time went on, the taxes mounted up as one disaster after another seemed to befall the family. They sold off whatever they could, with the ring being one of the few things that remained. (And it got to the point where their debt was so high that, really, selling the ring wouldn’t have helped in the long run, and so Papa Mazurier decided that at least Solene could have it, nearly crying for the first time in front of his children when she offered it to him once before firmly putting it back on her finger). She briefly considered selling it off when she got to Paris, to the point where she had it in the palm of her hand, ready to sell to a street vendor before she decided that it wasn’t worth it, feeling the sharp press of metal when she clasped it hard. When Ronan later told her, “When people lose their dignity, it’s the end,” he didn’t know what she’d done to avoid doing just that. Ronan, as always, saw only what she’d lost, rather than what she’d kept.

Also, since I’m just returning home from the angst wars with Laz and he got a nice, long headcanon, Papa Mazurier loved both of his children equally. Really, he did. He was a true validad, which is also why he had to die. But, looking back, Ronan always felt a little bit like he was the least favorite of the two of them, because it seemed like, generally, Solene tended to get what she wanted more. In reality, though, as Solene would later tell Ronan when he, Olympe, Lazare, and her were sitting down together, it was really just that she knew how to ask for things tactfully, including when to wait, whereas Ronan went in guns blazing. Solene learned how to play the long game, and it paid off. (Also, even though she was initially pissed off over her brother screwing their father’s murderer after abandoning her to pursue a half-baked revenge plot, she is also personally amazed at the fact that, not only did Ronan get a gig that her and most of her friends DREAMED of, a furnished apartment with a faithful, devoted, aristocratic lover who is willing to buy him anything he asks for, not the least well-tailored outfits, he did it accidentally. By continuously insulting him. In prison. If Ronan ever screws this up, Solene is going to personally kill him. And then kick Laz’s ass because Ronan is still her brother dammit.)

General Opinion over said character: Hello, continuing evidence of my bisexuality. The Superior Mazurier Sibling, AKA THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY HAS SOME COMMON SENSE. Deserved better writing, hot cocoa, and to have seen Olympe at least one time that wasn’t over her brother’s corpse. She is one of the few things I think the French cast did best with, since later productions really tried to sanitize her, though I love Zuka!Solene directly calling out Ronan in La Nuit m’Appelle. LET HER HAVE A PLOTLINE DAMMIT. Also: WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T WE GET HER SHOWCASE COSTUME?  (Also, Matthieu Carnot would have rocked as her sibling, just saying.) I just...have many emotions about Solene Mazurier and what she deserves and what she got and I will never forgive the show for skimping on her storyline the entire time and then having the last thing we see of her being her crying her eyes out over the brother who abandoned her (and, okay, in other productions, they reconcile, but it doesn’t ACHIEVE anything between the two of them and it’s mainly Solene reaching out to him whereas I want him groveling). It’s a good thing she hooks up with his beard after his funeral, otherwise the angst and overall incomplete nature of her arc might be too much to bear. 

[hellomissmabel]

Bad liars

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Stucky, Bucky x reader, Steve x reader, mentions of Bruce Wayne, Steve Trevor, Wanda Maximoff, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Peggy and Sharon Carter, Sam Wilson, Lance Tucker

Warnings: Angsty-ish but with a fluffy ending. Sort of. Mentions of death (loss of loved ones) and a bad stepmother.

Word count: 3.875

Summary: Steve has a heart to heart with Bucky’s one-night-stand

A/N: Written for @mrshopkirk because she’s wanted some fluff and @winterboobaer because it was her birthday!

“Hi, I’m Y/N and euhm… Is Bucky here by any chance? Bucky Barnes?”

Steve shakes his head and chuckles at the girl standing in front of him, nervously wringing her hands. “Yeah, Buck’s here alright.”

The relief is visible when it washes over her and she smiles a little. She’s got a beautiful smile, Steve thinks, no wonder she’s here for Bucky. He always had a sweet spot for pretty girls with pretty smiles and a knack for seducing them.

“He left his wallet at my place. I went to his home address first but his upstairs neighbour said he’s most likely here.” Looking down at her feet shuffling on the pavement of the sidewalk, a little strand of her hair falls in front of her eyes. She tucks it behind her ear as she looks back at him, confirming Steve’s suspicion that she’s exactly Bucky’s type. The shy girls are always the most fun, Bucky used to say to him.

“He sure is,” Steve grins a little wider. “Buck’s always out on Tuesday night and ends up here at about 6 a.m. like clockwork. Wednesday is my day off, so I make him something between breakfast and a savoury snack before he passes out on my couch.”

She laughs heartily, the sound intoxicating and soon Steve’s laughing with her. “Bucky knows the drill. Leave everything the way it was when he arrived. There’s food in the fridge and he has a spare key so he can lock everything up if I’m not around.”

“I see. Can you give this to him, please?,” she asks kindly, handing over Bucky’s wallet to Steve which he gladly accepts and stuffs in the back pocket of his jeans.

“Thanks. He’ll be happy to have it back. I’m Steve by the way. You wanna come in for a cup of coffee? It’s fresh and it’s the least I can do after you’ve come all this way here to give Bucky back his wallet.”

She blushes but refuses his offer. “It’s nothing, really. No need to thank me. I needed a change of scenery anyway, Manhattan can be sometimes be a little… overwhelming.”

Steve nods softly, his gut feeling telling him that it’s not just Manhattan she’s talking about. Yet he keeps his foot down, giving her his most charming smile to which she eventually concedes. He holds open the door for her to move past him and come in. Y/N stops halfway, looking around the hallway for the kitchen. Steve smiles sincerely as he walks in front of her all to the back of the house and into the kitchen.

“So you’re the lucky girl that got to enjoy Bucky’s company last night.” He tries to break the ice by making a light remark, gingerly hurrying about the kitchen on his tiptoes trying not to wake up Bucky who’s snoring on the living room couch in the next room.

“I took him to my place, we had sex and after that he just left. So yeah, if lucky means getting laid then I’m most definitely a lucky girl,” Y/N replies jokingly, accompanied by a dry chuckle from Steve.

“Bucky never stays over. Just not his M.O.,” Steve sighs softly as he hands her a cup of coffee for which she thanks him kindly. “Don’t feel bad about it. He usually takes his lovers to his own apartment. He never lets himself wander into unknown territory  o I’m surprised to hear you took him to your place. That’s a first.”

The girl rolls her eyes, hardly impressed by Bucky’s lack of chivalry. She’s been around men long enough to know that Bucky is not the only one like this. “Well I usually don’t do one-night-stands either. But Bucky just has something about it that makes it very hard to resist him. I made an exception for him.”

“Oh, you don’t have to explain yourself,” Steve winks at her. “I’ve been there too.”

She sends him a curious glance to which Steve can only chuckle. “I didn’t think you were the type to sit back and watch his friend take all the ladies home. You strike me more as the type who shows the ladies a good time as well.”

Steve lets out a light yet hearty laugh. “Thank you, I guess? But yeah, I’m actually bisexual,” he explains matter-of-factly. “Bucky is my best friend but he’s also my ex. Ex-boyfriend.”

“So Bucky is…” He can see the dominos falling behind her eyes, collapsing one by one at first and then faster and faster until the connection is made. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. Some of my friends are bisexual as well but… they’re all girls and I… I’ve never slept with a bisexual guy before. Or at least I think so.”

“You probably have but they just never told you,” Steve says softly, trying not to step on any toes. “I know Bucky certainly never does and I only mention it when the girl, or guy for that matter, asks about it.”

She tilts her head at his remark, thinking it over and nodding. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re probably right,” she says with a small laugh, hiding her face in her hands. “Oh man, my love life is so ugly.”

“You wanna bet on that?,” Steve challenges her friskily. “Wanna exchange stories?”

She laughs again, but it sounds a bit strained to his ears. “Okay, okay,” she relents bashfully. “I take the bait. When I was in college, Sharon and Nat had this personal coach, Lance Tucker. As a ballerina, Nat always has to stay in shape and Sharon’s a gymnast just like Lance. Lance Tucker, you know, the gold medallist at the Olympics?” Steve nods eagerly, eyes wide in amazement. “Yup, he was their coach.”

“And because I’m far from athletic and not flexible at all, Peggy didn’t even consider whether or not I’d be interested in sports. I was so jealous of the attention Peggy gave my half-sisters that I found a way to get some attention for myself, too. A different kind of work-out. I was no troublemaker but I wasn’t innocent either and Lance, the coach, he liked that about me. He was an overly confident dickhead but I didn’t care. He was hot and I was horny.”

Exhaling sharply, she laces her fingertips a little tighter around her mug. “Peggy sent Lance away when she found out we were seeing each other. In hindsight, I realised I actually loved him. And Peggy knew, she knew that Lance, even though he wasn’t exactly cut out to be boyfriend material, that he made me happy. So she sent him away… to hurt me. And that’s the beginning of my tragedy.”

Y/N releases a shuddering breath, warning Steve that the hardest part is still to come. “I met my first and regrettably also last long-term boyfriend not long after that. His name was also Steve, Steve Trevor. He was a fighter pilot in the army and we dated for a very long time, pretty much up until the day he died. His plane was shot down and landed in the ocean. They never found his body. I guess everything in my life went downhill from there. Steve was without a doubt the love of my life.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” She hears his words but does not register them, smiling sadly into the contents of her mug.

“So I’ve basically been sleeping around since then. I briefly dated Bruce Wayne but I did that just to piss off Peggy more than anything else. I liked him very much but I didn’t love him. He was more like a sugar daddy to me after Peggy cut my allowance. I didn’t add up to her expectations, I wasn’t getting over my grief quickly enough and postponing all these social activities she wanted me to partake in… But I just couldn’t put up with her bullshit anymore, I couldn’t put up a straight face and smile like I didn’t just lose my boyfriend in a terrible accident.”

Her smile, her laugh, the tears in her eyes, it all adds up into a bittersweet story. On the outside, she seems like a regular girl with nice clothes and a pretty smile. She looks like the kind of person you want to be associated with, not too high class or stuck up but with a proper character. But that proper character has been shaped by a lot of pain and a decent amount of hurting.

“Taking away the money my father left me was her way of punishing me.” Y/N’s voice is merely a whisper now, dying down in the stillness of the kitchen and almost disappearing into Bucky’s snoring. “I needed money because even though Nat offered to support me, it would’ve only further angered Peggy. So I started looking for a gentleman in need of a lady and a lay. Peggy eventually gave me my money back after Bruce found out just how poorly she treated me and he threatened to ruin her reputation.”

Her tone has taken on a certain determination, like she wanted Steve to know that nobody messes with her like that again. There’s power in her eyes and Steve releases a low whistle. “Yeah, no, there’s nothing I can say that will top that. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”

“Oh no, I want to hear it. I don’t – I don’t want anyone’s pity,” she waves him off. “It’s your turn, Stevie. Tell me about your fucked up romances. It’s fine if you don’t want to share them.”

“Alright, alright…,” Steve chuckles, a little unsure if she really wants to hear his story or if it’s all a diversion. Maybe she’s really interested or maybe she’s trying to lock away the damage done. Maybe she’s hiding, stomping out the scars she showed him just now.

“My very first crush was Sam Wilson.” Y/N’s eyes grow big at this and he chuckles lightly. “Yeah, I went to high school with Sam Wilson, the famous football player. My high school was full of jocks and wannabe cheerleaders. Anyway, because Bucky was a pretty popular guy in high school and I kinda ran with the same crowd. Not because I was popular but because Bucky told – no, ordered everyone to be nice to me and treat me kindly. Sam was a part of his inner circle. He wasn’t gay or bisexual and was always surrounded by girls swooning and fawning over him. Being gay or bisexual wasn’t exactly… accepted. But Bucky didn’t care and stood up for me.”

“Bucky and I… We’ve been together since high school. But then halfway through college we kinda lost track of each other. Bucky was forced to move away to another state so he could take care of his sister, Becca. But his sister got better and they both moved back to New York. Meanwhile I had a brief affair with Tony Stark. Tough façade, kind heart. But he wasn’t exactly comfortable with his sexuality. It didn’t last very long though because he left me for a women, Pepper. And yes, in case you’re wondering, there have been girls. Like Bucky’s upstairs neighbour Wanda. Wanda and I were in a relationship for almost a year. But it just wasn’t the same, you know? I’m pretty sure Bucky is my soulmate, but we just can’t figure out a way to make it work.”

“If it’s meant to be, you’ll find a way to be together. You obviously care a lot about him. You love him.” Y/N stares straight into Steve’s eyes, sending chills running down his spine. It’s like she can read his mind, which of course is impossible. But it seems like she can somehow feel what he’s feeling. He knows she understands, he knows she gets what he’s saying.

Nevertheless, the doubt remains too strong to just ignore. “Y/N… What if Bucky doesn’t…”

Setting the cup down on the kitchen table, she places her hands on mine. “Just talk to him, Steve. Talk to him about how you feel.”

Steve nods faintly, an insecure smile painted on his face. “I might just to that.”

“God Steve, you’re such a bad liar. Why not pinkie promise, eh?,” Y/N coyly kinks an eyebrow as she holds up her pinkie. Steve links his pinkie with hers and they shake on it, bursting into a soft fit of giggles. “I’m sorry if it’s awkward, you know, talking about your love for Bucky with one of his one-night-stands…”

“Nah, it’s fine. You’re a really nice person, Y/N, I feel… strangely comfortable talking to you about this.”

Y/N’s lips curl into a genuine smile as she move to speak further words of encouragement, but she is promptly interrupted by the innocuous chiming of her cell phone. She takes her phone out of her purse and looks at it, frowning. Y/N apologises for the interruption and moves to put it away again but it buzzes again and this time she doesn’t wait for it to stop, simply pressing decline.

“Something wrong?,” Steve asks concerned.

“Yeah, no, it’s just… I’m supposed to be somewhere in an hour but I don’t want to go. It’s something my stepmother Peggy set up for me and my half-sisters, Nat and Sharon. She says it’s for charity but we both know it’s just to show off,” she shrugs half-heartedly.

“Ah that sucks,” Steve offers as a meagre reply, unsure of what to say exactly.

Humming in agreement, she takes a sip from the mug of steaming coffee, her gaze fixed on the dark liquid once she puts it down again, studying it quietly. “Especially when you don’t have a date,” she continues after a moment of silence and a deep sigh.

“I was hoping I was still too hungover to show up and Nat would make me stay home. But I can take my alcohol pretty well, thanks to my father’s fantastic genes. I only get really tipsy and never drunk, which unfortunately Nat, Sharon and Peggy know all too well.”

“So I take it you’re not very close with your family at all,” Steve pitches gingerly, trying not to step on any toes. It’s a daring question and she seems hesitant to give him an answer. So he stops his pursuit for a reply and just nods. “Me neither. Dad bailed when I was still in diapers. Mom had to raise me all by herself. She died a couple years back and I was a wreck after that. It’s around the same time I met Bucky, he really saved me.”

“I’m sorry about your parents, Steve. But I’m glad you had Bucky to pull you through after your mother’s decease. I didn’t have anybody.” Seeing the colour drain from her face again, just a single, little light still flickering behind her eyes, Steve suddenly feels very sorry for the girl.

She takes a deep breath, collecting herself, and speaks up again in a very soft voice. “Peggy, my stepmother, has had a long list of husbands. Her first husband was Sharon’s father. She married him for love and he walked away on her. Her second husband, Nat’s father, she married for money. She divorced him after two years when she found out he was cheating on her. Her third husband, my father, she married neither for love or money. She married him for power. And after much discussion, she eventually adopted me but much to her dismay. Then my father died of a heart attack and I suddenly had no mother, no father and a stepmother who didn’t want me. I’m like Cinderella but without the prince.”

Momentarily Steve is capable of catching the colours of regret running like a current behind her words. She’s slipped into a state of recollection, hit like a speed train by the freshness of her wounds. “I’m sorry, probably too much information on a Wednesday morning and we don’t even know each other.”

“No, it’s fine,” Steve reassures her. “We all need somebody to talk to about our problems and what better person to talk to than a perfect stranger.”

She chuckles, wiping away a tear that has escaped the corner of her eye. “How did you cope?”

“When in college, I took art classes at the local art academy and I also gave tours at the museum in my spare time. Huge history nerd back in the day.” Steve smiles fondly at the memory.

“I attempted playing a saxophone once and I almost got the fingering right. But let’s just say a career in music is not something I should pursue very soon. Anyway, I would’ve stayed at home, withering away in my grief if it wasn’t for Bucky dragging me along. He was the one that suggested taking drawing lessons and trying to master playing an instrument. He kept me busy. He’s been my best friend for a very long time and when we started dating, things just fell into place I guess. I felt myself again. I was ready to move on.”

“I attempted playing the piano when I was younger, mainly because my mother pushed me into it and so I could help out Nat. She’s a ballerina and I used to play on the piano and watch her do her routines. It gave me some kind of solace, some kind of peace. The compositions, no matter how hard, they always make sense. If you put your mind to it, you can play them. It takes time, though, and I wasn’t given much. Peggy, she… she’s not my mother and she hasn’t made much effort trying to be one either. Peggy told me to keep myself together and Nat, well, at least she’s kind to me. I love her but not like a sister, more like a friend. We don’t always see eye to eye but that’s okay. Sharon��s always away on another competition, she’s a gymnast, so she didn’t really have to care, you know?”

“You know, Bucky plays the keys. Maybe you can get together some time and he can teach you a couple notes?”

“No. No, that’s too much to ask.”

“I’m sure Bucky wouldn’t mind, Y/N.”

She’s a good liar. She’s good at lying to herself. Lying through her teeth, convinced the past doesn’t affect her anymore. But we’re all lying to ourselves about that, aren’t we? In what way are we different? In what way don’t we go about our days like nothing happened and everything is fine while there’s so much background noise?

From the corner of her eyes, Y/N can see a dim figure emerging from the living room. “Hey there, stranger. Good morning, Steve,” Bucky greets the pair who turn both their heads in the direction of his voice.

Bucky tries to suppress a yawn, sleepily weaving his fingers through his hair and scratching his day-old stubble. His voice is hoarse and his breath still laced with alcohol. “What are you doing here? Y/N, right? I don’t remember bringing you here… Or did I bring you here and was I just too drunk to remember it?”

“She came to give you this.” Steve holds up Bucky’s wallet and he releases a grateful sigh.

“You’re a lifesaver, Y/N. How can I return the favour? I’ll do anything.”

“You should probably get rid of that hangover first before you start making promises like that,” Steve jokes, getting up from his seat across from Y/N to fix Bucky a cup of coffee, too.

“I should probably get going,” Y/N suddenly blurts out, intimidated by the presence of Bucky. She doesn’t want to overstay her welcome and she’s definitely already taken up enough of Steve’s time with her ramblings. “You know, the family thing,” she says to Steve, albeit apologetically.

“Hey, if you ever need someone to talk to again…,” Steve suggests softly, “I’m here for you. We,” he turns to Bucky and smiles, “We are here for you, aren’t we, buddy?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about but yeah, we’re here for you. I guess…” Steve elbows Bucky in his side and he mutters a small “ow” under his breath, never breaking eye contact with Y/N. She looks even better in daylight, he thinks to himself.

Y/N shyly looks down at her hands. “Thanks guys.”

“You know where we live, so feel free to swing by whenever you want,” Bucky pipes up, his lopsided grin making her heart melt instantly. “Just maybe give us a call beforehand just in case we’re not home. You have my number.”

“I’ll let you out,” Steve proposes but Bucky stops him before he can say or do anything else.

“No, I’ll let her out, Steve. I gotta talk to her anyway.”

Steve’s a little bit confused by Bucky’s change of heart but decides it’s for the best he lets Bucky just do his thing. No point in arguing over something he’ll probably explain later. As he watches Bucky place his hand on the small of Y/N’ back, guiding her back to the front door, his heart clenches together involuntarily at the sight. Maybe Bucky does swing more for the other side than he originally anticipated. After all, almost all his bed partners besides Steve himself are women.

When Bucky and Y/N arrive at the front door, she turns to the brunet with a sweet smile. “Thanks for the other night, Buck. Even though you were hammered, you did a pretty good job,” she chuckles as she pokes him in the ribs. “Can’t remember the last time I had three orgasm in a row.”

“I wasn’t that drunk, Y/N,” Bucky bites back good-humouredly, sending her a little wink. “But I’m glad you enjoyed it. I, euhm, what I wanted to talk to you about…” Bucky’s eyes shoot back over his shoulder, glancing down the hall to see if Steve might be listening in. “I couldn’t help but overhear some parts of your conversation with Stevie.”

“Which parts?,” Y/N inquires carefully.

“About Steve still being in love with me. Is that… true?”

“He loves you so much, Buck,” Y/N confirms in a tender tone, squeezing his bicep in reassurance. “And I have a feeling you still love him, too.”

“Very much so,” Bucky admits as he gently releases the breath he’s been holding ever since the start of this conversation.

“Well better hurry up then, Steve’s been waiting long enough,” Y/N pecks Bucky’s cheek before taking her leave, waving at him before grabbing a cab back to her place, leaving a very flustered Bucky standing on his porch.

A little, stupid grin creeps up on his lips as he kicks the door closed behind him, Steve’s singing resonating throughout the entire house as he prepares lunch for the two of them. Unexpectedly, Bucky circles his arms around Steve, causing him to stop swinging and swaying to the music playing from the speakers in the living room. Bucky buries his face between Steve’s shoulder blades, mumbling incoherently. “What’s this for? What did I do to deserve this?”

“A little birdie told me you love me. Well, guess what?,” he repeats as he holds Steve close, silently thanking Y/N. “I love you, too, you big dork.”

@beccaanne814-blog @avengerofyourheart @a-little-hell-to-raise @marvelingatthewonder @mrshopkirk @hardcorehippos @knittingknerdy @winterboobaer @italwaysendsinafightt @viollettes @hymnofthevalkyries @feelmyroarrrr @justareader @austinamelio @volklana @4theluvofall @bovaria @themcuhasruinedme @theoneandonlysaucymo @caplanbuckybarnes @hymnofthevalkyries @nenyakj @amrita31199 @emilyevanston @minervaem @howlingbarnes @buchananbarnestrash @austinamelio @youandb @you-and-bucky @fvckingsteverogers @thatawkwardtinyperson @that-sokovian-bastard @abovethesmokestacks @justareader @marvelrevival @marvel-fanfiction @justanotherbuckydevotee @barnes-heaven @heartmade-writingbucky @buckyywiththegoodhair @captnbarnesrogers @mellifluous-melodramas @its-not-a-phase-hux @melconnor2007 @ivvitm1109 @toofuckinfabulous @ailynalonso15 @jurassicbarnes @howlingbarnes

[nottooldforthisship]

Can I suggest you to take a look at this awesome Wordplay Prompt challenge ? Totally worth it !

As always : FIC REC MASTERPOST

Oh, and this post starts with my 600th fic recced on the #FROTW (yaaay!) and It seems legit that the fic is :

- Where Your Heart Is , by @tvshows-addict​ and @anhcor​ : Louis is ready for his brand new adventure. So what if he suffers from a genetic condition that prevents him from being touched? College is going to be awesome. It has to. Karma kind of owes him right now. Forget about his overprotective mother, or Liam-- his entirely too chipper step brother-- or his mess of a roommate. Forget about the gloves he has to wear at all times. He’s here to expand his knowledge, write and drown himself in books -- No matter how distracting ‘Hallway Boy’ may be-- The obnoxious, flirty frat wannabe determined to become the bane of Louis’ existence.Or, a college AU set in San Francisco where two lost boys who seemingly have nothing in common find inspiration, each other, and themselves in the process.

Larry Uni and Hate to Love AU (154k). Okay, lets be real, I’m probably not the most neutral about this fic because I spent months reading/betaing it on Google docs AND OMG IM SO EMOTIONAL BECAUSE ITS FINALLY HERE.  Anyway, trust me on this  go read it. RIGHT NOW.

- Play the Odds , by @alivingfire​ : Harry and Louis are best friends since childhood who, after a night of drinking, find themselves locked in a bet: first one to kiss the other a thousand times wins. Wins what? They don't know. Glory, Harry supposes. Bragging rights, though those don't do much in this economy. All Harry knows is that this is one bet he can finally win. What he doesn't expect, though, is what happens when he starts kissing his best friend on a daily basis. Namely, he doesn't expect falling head over heels in love with his best friend. Now all he has to do is make sure the bet never ends, so he never has to stop kissing Louis.

Larry BFF to Lovers AU (26k) : amazing fic with flatmate Harry and Louis, a drunk bet, a lot of pinning, so much fun and fluff !  (bottom Louis for the smut)

- Chestnuts Roasting... And All That , by  @elsi-bee​ : Louis is apparently the only person at his new job who is single as can be.  It’s not a big deal to just tell his new colleagues that he has a boyfriend, right?  Until he has to make this imaginary boyfriend magically appear at the office holiday party.  Cue fake relationship antics with a certain someone who is more than willing to play along.

Larry Fake relationship (46k) : : lawyer Louis, a work party and a new flatmate who agrees to fake their relationship ? Fuck yeah ! Nicely done :)

- Nothin' I Would Rather Do  , by @lululawrence​ : or...the one where Anne is determined to set Louis up with her son, but he's perfectly happy with the random sexting "relationship" he has running with the random he met at a bar several months back.

Larry sexting AU (9k) ! Love that. Awesome ,plot and fun ! Bottom Louis for the smut (and great sexting of course)

- Everything You Touch Turns To Gold , by @writing-about-larry​ : When Louis had retreated to his hotel room in the evening after a long day of commentating, he found himself on his bed, scrolling through twitter. There was a lot more going on than he was used to. The tweets he got to see were all pretty similar.   Best of #rio2016 commentators thirsting for @HarryStyles. Something to say to that @Louis_Tomlinson  #BBCOlympics Fic, featuring Great Britain's swimmer (and medal hope) Harry Styles and sports commentator Louis Tomlinson, who finds it incredibly difficult to keep reporting objectively.

Larry Olympics AU (4k) : swimmer Harry being the wet dream of Journalist Louis? Seems accurate to me :p Very fun ! (bottom Louis)

- Life as We Know it , by Rearviewdreamer (btw I never find you on Tumblr and I’m sad): When a couple dies unexpectedly Harry and Louis are brought together to care for their daughter

Larry Hate to love and adoption AU (34k) : TW for minor character death (minor character, but ... read the tags). Nicely done ! A bit angsty and smutty (bottom Harry). Also kudos for the blind date fal at the beginning, I laughed a lot!

- my heart, it went wild  , by @afirethatcannotdie :(sorry it doesn't let me tag properly) : Louis thought he was going to Ibiza for the sunshine and the beach and the alcohol. Harry thought he was going for a break from uni and to play some golf and to dance the nights away. Neither of them were supposed to fall in love.They do anyway.

Larry Spring Break AU (17k) with a lot of parties and alcohol, some pining and 2 students who fall in love :) Not that much of smut., and cute !

- Happy is the Heart that Still Feels Pain  , by @wingsjade The last thing Harry needed was the hot RA helping him to make bad choices. Actually, that wasn't true. The last thing Harry needed was to fall utterly, painfully, stupidly in love with him. 

Larry Uni AU and forbidden love (17k) : oh god so much pinning and very angsty ! Bottom Harry (and totally desperate!Harry too).

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Kim Kardashian wants another surrogate, but what is it really like to carry another woman’s baby and then give it away?

http://fashion-trendin.com/kim-kardashian-wants-another-surrogate-but-what-is-it-really-like-to-carry-another-womans-baby-and-then-give-it-away/

Kim Kardashian wants another surrogate, but what is it really like to carry another woman’s baby and then give it away?

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are rumoured to want a fourth child via surrogate ‘soon’, according to an insider at US Weekly.

Although Kim claimed this was untrue, she did say in a recent interview for E! News:

“If it were up to my husband we’d have like seven. Maybe four is all I can handle. I don’t know, maybe three is all I can handle.”

But what is it like for the woman carrying another’s baby?

Ashlee Earl, 30, from Mount Pleasant, Utah, delivered twin boys for a New York couple in October last year. Here she tells GLAMOUR UK why she, along with approximately 3,000 other American women last year, decided to carry another woman’s baby – and how she felt saying goodbye.

“People imagine the moment a surrogate hands over a baby after its birth to be traumatic, filled with tears and confusion, perhaps an inward and outward struggle of despair and regret. But to get to this point, when you say goodbye to the baby you have protected and nurtured for nine months, you have to go through psychological tests and home visits, which will flag you up as unsuitable if you can’t handle it.

The ones who wouldn’t are weeded out. The women left are the women like me, the ones who understand clearly they are not the mother – they are a fairy godmother, giving a baby a safe haven to grow strong in before gladly passing them to the parents who have yearned for them for years.

This misunderstanding about surrogacy is one of the reasons I’m happy celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Nicole Kidman talk about it in the public eye, breaking down taboos. When I was visibly carrying the twins and couldn’t hide I was a surrogate, people were obviously confused. They thought they were my biological babies I was giving away, or thought I was weird.

With the chance to explain, they got it, calling me ‘a hero’ or ‘an angel’, and many would share their own battles with infertility, sometimes things they hadn’t told anyone. Their stories made me even more sure being a surrogate was a good thing to do. I’d got pregnant with my sons easily and instantly, and when you have your babies like that you don’t realise the pain and devastation so many women – and men – go through to become parents.

The only downside to people like Kim and Kanye being the public face of surrogacy is that wannabe parents assume it is only a celebrity thing to do, even my mum worried I’d end up with an Olympic athlete who didn’t want to mess up her body, and that it is very expensive, but neither of these assumptions are correct. Agencies will work with all sorts of intended parents (single, married, straight and gay) and come up with financial plans to help them. I was paid $27,000 plus expenses to carry and deliver the twins.

Carrying another woman’s child is unconventional, but I’d been interested in surrogacy for a long time and when, two years ago, I started to feel that hunger to carry a baby but my husband Taylon said our family was complete with our sons (Axton, 5, and Iker, 3), I started researching it seriously. I’d heard great things about the Reproductive Possibilities surrogacy agency and contacted them. After various discussions and tests, we agreed they would act as my agency, even though my husband was not supportive of my decision. Luckily, he came around.

It felt like I’d hired them as a dating service. They set me up on a call with one couple, but we didn’t feel good about them so we took it no further. But the second match felt right. Their personalities and beliefs were the same as ours. The intended father, in particular, at this early stage was amazing – I didn’t think men like him existed, he was a baby hungry as I was, desperate for a family. The intended mother had had cancer, which was in remission but she’d be on chemo pills for the rest of her life, and had had her eggs retrieved at diagnosis. Embryos had been waiting, frozen, for nine years before we met, and I had them inserted via in vitro inside me.

A few weeks later, we found out together, via FaceTime from the doctor’s office, that I was carrying twin boys. In that moment I felt the power of what a gift I was bestowing on this couple, and the amazingness of the puzzle we had made, putting a baby together within the human body. Finally, this couple – who’d been secretly stockpiling diapers and hiding them in their attic since before they had even met me, hoping one day to need them – could look to the future with hope. They decided to keep me and the process a secret from everyone except their parents, who were helping to pay for it, until the birth.

It’s easy to forget that raising a baby brings many stresses and worries, so one surprising pleasure I got from my whole surrogacy experience was not having to think about the future. Before the birth of my own children, I was nervous about choosing the right name, desperately trying to get the nursey finished, buying supplies.

This time, I got to enjoy the pregnancy. I could lie around being lazy and not have to nervously anticipate the next stages. And I was lucky to have cool intended parents. Some won’t allow carriers to dye their hair, wear nail polish – but mine were totally fine with the already healthy lifestyle I was living and didn’t say I couldn’t do anything. No rules or regulations. I just added a pre-natal vitamin to my daily diet.

We kept in touch via Facebook and text, I’d message them photos and tell them if the twins moved, and FaceTime them from doctor’s appointments so they could feel like they were there, then at 25 weeks they flew in to Utah from New York to attend a doctor’s appointment with me.

The hardest was explaining my bump to my little boys, telling them that these babies weren’t their little brothers and that they’d be moving to New York as soon as they were born. The biggest relief was finding out I was carrying two boys. I already had my two boys so handing over two more was easier on everyone than if they had been girls because I’ve always wanted a daughter.

On the day of the birth, I hung out with the intended parents in a hospital room until I had to go into the operating theatre for the C section. I was only allowed one person in with me and I chose my husband, which I felt guilty about. But I needed him, and they got to watch the birth through a window, and they were the first people to hold the boys. They took them home after two days, while I stayed in hospital for two more recovering.

I was prepared to say goodbye to them and hadn’t got emotionally attached to the babies while I was carrying them so I didn’t cry or feel sad. A fellow surrogate told me to think of it as an extended babysitting job that would end after nine months and that was invaluable as I watched this new family of four walk away. I was always clear with myself that I was doing this for someone else, but my sister, who’d been staying with us to look after my sons, was an emotional mess.

My milk came in three days after I gave birth, and I stuffed my bra with cabbage leaves and only had pain for a couple of days. The parents didn’t want any breast milk so I never pumped, and my breasts only took a couple of weeks to dry up. Nursing was the one thing I missed.

I’d be very sad if they ever decided to shut me out of their lives – I made sure it was in my agency contract that the intended parents have to stay in touch and send one photo a year until their 18th birthday – but I don’t think it will ever happen. They send me photos every day, and it’s amazing to see how those boys are loved. Life moves on and contact will taper off a little but we will forever feel an emotional connection. We are an unconventional extended family now, two circles entwined.

The most important piece of advice I’d give any woman thinking of becoming a surrogate is to think long and hard about whether her own family is complete. Things can go wrong during pregnancy or childbirth so make sure you are completely done. Nothing is guaranteed. You need to be physically and mentally aware of what the process involves. But I don’t regret it for a second, and would do it again. The journey was nerve-wracking at times, all four of us worried that everything would be okay, but when I saw the couple with their babies for the first time, all I could feel was joy.”