#ok walking shampoo commercial

[formulation-nation]

Carlos Sainz the man u are (looks easy to draw, isn't)

[lamnwar]

GOM + Kagami AS GIRLS // KNB Headcanons

no one asked for this, I just thought about fem!aomine one random night back in february and then my mind started obsessing about the concept of fem!gom bc I'm a woman lover first, human second

Warnings: it's some genderbend hcs so description of fem bodies, some of them are men haters (as they should 😘), mention of various sexual orientations bc ain't no way some of them would be straight, that's mainly it I think?

AKASHI

fem!Akashi is a QUEEN let me say that first

she's so gracious and smart and pretty omg!! no one can top her

small but so potent, she'd have everybody kneel on her path

fem!Akashi has the most lucious red locks out there, walking shampoo commercial fr

she keeps them long and sometimes tie them in a neat low ponytail

has bangs! (that she cut herself during a mental breakdown but shhh no one can know that she is actually insane)

wear luxury brands because she's a rich girl but has quite a sober look

fem!Akashi is captain of almost all teams/club she's in, and that's because she's a natural born leader (that much wouldn't change)

definitely the kind of girl every other girl fawn over because she's just so perfect, you know?

Doesn't date because she has the highest standards ever for men and she's still not aware of her attraction to women (it's ok boo, you'll get there eventually <3)

manages to look royal even when she's all sweaty in the middle of a basketball match

MIDORIMA

tall, gracious, and has a mean face

but she's also like... stunningly beautiful under her permanent scowl (it's her crazy long eyelashes!!!)

the smartest girl you'll ever meet, she's a walking encyclopedia

ALWAYS has manicured hand, but never wears extensions/crazy colours

that's why it's quite surprising to most that she plays basketball given how much time she spends caring for her nails and hands in general

a bit of a diva, ngl

she just assumes the world should give her the princess treatment and you know what? she's kinda right about that

maybe she's a bit mean, but she's flawless outside of that

rumours have it she's dating fem!takao (fem!takao's the one who spreaded the rumour because she's very blatant about her crush on fem!midorima)

she's not addressing the rumors (she kissed fem!takao once and refused to face her feelings)

has a pixie cut with a 7:3 split that makes her look like these super classy businesswomen, if you get the vision

now... this need to be addressed; my girl has been blessed by the big titty fairy

constantly fighting with fem!aomine for staring too much at her chest

KISE

OF COURSE fem!kise is absolutely gorgeous who are we kidding

a model, who might be on the path to become an idol, too

has absolutely everyone head over heels for her

not to mention that she has that cute, girly look that makes her look so doll-like

and on top of that she's good at EVERYTHING

effortlessly charming, you can't hate her

even the jealous ones are somewhat secretly fans

is that eyeliner or the natural shape of her eyes? we may never know but she's got very enticing eyes

gorgeous blond hair that are kinda wavy, which makes her look like a princess

is a LESBIAN she's for the girls ONLY literally such a woman lover, she lives breathes eats women

has that kind of relationship with fem!aomine where she flirts with her just to see her get flustered because she knows she's exactly fem!aomine's type

I mean... pretty face, hourglass figure, a good D cup, she's THAT girl

yeah... she's just perfect

AOMINE

fem!aomine prompted all this btw

I just started by stating that she's in the itty-bitty titty committee and that makes her live in perpetual rage

especially because fem!kise, fem!midorima and fem!kagami got blessed in that department and just... WHY??

why them and not her? :( (talking like these aren't my headcanons and I have all the right to decide differently)

little does she know that she's one of the hottest girls around

it's that constant scowl on her face and her love for low-waisted baggy jeans

(might occasionally wear a whale tail but that's only when she's trying to subtly seduce her enemies (fem!kise))

known for punching guys, she's their worst nightmare 😈

just can't stand men in general and finds joy in physically fighting them

but women? hehehe... women make her WEAK

she's so easily flustered by a pretty girl giving her attention

still a basketball head, because that's who aomine is across all universes

she likely has a fanclub from that, as I mentioned before she's popular

does fem!aomine also reads gravure magasines? not quite but she's found out about spicy romance mangas and that kinda does it for her

likely to live her whole life denying her crush on fem!kise

MURASAKIBARA

fem!murasakibara is of course the tallest girl in the vicinity everywhere she goes

kinda intimidating, if you'd ask me but she's actually super chill

she might have people question her femininity because of her build but honestly? she doesn't give a fuck

she's comfortable in her looks - yeah she's tall and muscular, but she likes herself that way

pulls the androgenous style like no one else, a walking bi-panic trigger (I'm the first one falling 😞)

you know that girl that walks around with an entire pantry in her handbag? yeah, that's her

likes wearing skirts! also shamelessly (wo)manspreads when wearing one

she braids her hair often, mainly because it's practical when playing basketball

rumoured to have an emo girlfriend (it's fem!himuro and they're not dating, just spending most of their time together)

she's a low-effort girlie and it sometimes frustrates fem!akashi, who has a 12-step skincare routine and doesn't understand fem!murasakibara's simplicity

regardless, she's effortlessly beautiful and she's totally chill about it

fem!kise enjoys putting makeup on her, because, I quote "she's got such an amazing face"

(I might have a crush on fem!murasakibara 👉🏽👈🏽)

KUROKO

secretly a sweet reviewer on instagram

ik it's weird to start with that but that's what I came up with first when thinking about fem!kuroko

discovered space buns on tumblr in 2015 and doesn't stop wearing them

she's that girl that always listens to music and reads at the back of the class

she's the cute type so she often gets attention from boys

doesn't mind dating but it's not a priority in her life either

that one girl that holds the group of friends together by being everyone's favourite

loves to hang out with her girls!! will tag along in all of their plans

need someone to practice basketball with? she's there. need someone to go shopping with? ask fem!kuroko. need someone to rant to? she's your girl.

also knows about all the GOM's love life because they all go to her to talk about it

imagine her seeing any form of fem!kise and fem!aomine interaction knowing damn well what's happening there hihi

just a great girl overall!

KAGAMI

fem!kagami... my beloved

she's scary in the best way possible

always by fem!kuroko's side and unknowingly becomes her bodyguard

the definition of tomboy! she's really not into traditionally feminine stuff

has a wolfcut because yes

another one with big boobs but she kinda hates it because it sometimes ruins her aesthetic, yk?

like, when she can't pull the oversize look because of the girlies and it's just SO frustrating

also not very practical with her powerful style of playing basketball

they just... get in the way

constantly fighting with fem!aomine over stupid stuff, is not scared to punch her if need be

the fact that she's an amazing cook is surprising to most because she's such a rough girl that doing something as intricate as cooking is out of character

and it's just as confusing to know that she often gives company to fem!kuroko when she's doing her sweet reviews

now to what we're all wondering... is fem!kagami gay?

the answer is yes. like fem!aomine, she's a man hater and a woman lover

she's just more comfortable around girls than fem!aomine

doesn't know how to flirt because her head's empty except for basketball

but she pulls because... come on! look at her! tall, pretty, muscular, she's just a catch

denies the fem!kuroko x fem!kagami allegations (ofc fem!kuroko is her precious pookie but that's all there is to them)

[badsongpetey]

Ok, minor fixation with long hair Keith playing out here… wrote a very short au (my 1st for klance, go easy on me) on why Keith grows his hair (warning- 19yo guys swear):

At first it’s irritating, then it just genuinely pisses him off. “Hey Mullet!” “Yeah, like I’m gonna listen to a guy who doesn’t know what a haircut is.” “Can you even see thru all that mullet, Mullet?” Why the fuck does Lance even care?! And nobody laughs anymore, not that they ever did. Because his hair is fine, and it’s his head, and Lance can go to hell. Jerk. He’d make fun of Lance’s haircut, but he’s not going to be such a stupid child about it. And what Lance wants to do with his appearance is his business anyway. Not that he notices, but, Lance seems to be doing fine. Lance looks… fine.

Then one day, after the millionth mullet-related remark, he decides. He smirks back at Lance, who blinks in confusion at his lack of response to the taunt. If Lance thinks his hair is too much now, then he’s is really gonna make him blow a gasket. So he stops cutting it (bc yes, Lance, I do cut my hair, tyvm asshole). His hair is pretty thick and it grows pretty fast, so it’s not too long before Lance is really laying into him about it. And it’s priceless.

“Geez man, you hoping to land a shampoo commercial? Because I hate to break it to you, but they don’t want mullets.” Lance opines when he takes off his helmet after a mission, shaking away the sweaty strands of hair that stick to his face. And yeah, maybe he is making a bit of a show of it. Lance deserves payback. “Aw Lance,” he coos “you really think it’s nice enough for a commercial?”

Lance’s face turns slightly purplish as it contorts in indignation. “What?! NO! nonononono… that is NOT what I said!” He just smiles and walks past Lance, flipping his hair back. “My mistake then I guess.” He doesn’t look back, but he laughs silently listening to Lance huff and fume in frustration. Dude, don’t mess with a master.

And it just gets better. His hair is now long enough that he has to tie it back in a ponytail when he trains, and he can’t help noticing a certain tall silhouette has been standing in the doorway more often lately. One day, after completing level 5 training, he’s pausing to mop the sweaty bangs off his forehead and tighten up the hair tie, when he hears an amused chortle from across the room.

He looks over to see a smirking Lance leaning rakishly in the doorway, arms folded across this chest. “Oh! Don’t let me interrupt. You look gorgeous sweetheart.” He’s across the room and up in Lance’s face in an instant. Enough. “You seem to be awfully concerned about how I look dude. Anything you want to admit?” The smirk vanishes as Lance sputters. “W-what?? I don’t give a shit about it… except how stupid it looks.”

He squints at Lance, completely unconvinced. “Really? Cuz nobody else talks about, nobody else cares.” Lance huffs as he continues. “You know what I think? I think you like it. I think you like my hair a lot.” He isn’t sure if this is true, isn’t sure if he wants it to be true, but it’s a good challenge, and he stares unflinchingly at Lance, inches from his face.

Lance pales visibly and opens his mouth and closes it, repeatedly, like a fish outta water. He grins evilly. Lance rendered speechless, that’s a first, and a solid win. “I thought so.” He states as he quickly spins and walks back into the training room, sweaty ponytail smacking Lance squarely across the face.

He gets about 5 steps into the room before he hears a “THUD” behind him. He turns to find Lance, passed out, face down on the floor, and his grin widens.

[imaginestuffs]

Hello there! I don’t know if your requests are open so if they aren’t then just delete this ask haha. But if they are open, would it be ok if I requested Sam Winchester x reader fluff? Maybe something along the lines of Dean making fun of his hair (most likely circa S8 hair because it’s beautiful) leading to a snuggly and pouty Sam later in the night asking the reader if he should cut his hair; with the answer obviously being “No” lol. If you choose to fulfill this request i would greatly appreciate it, however if for any reason you cannot fulfill this request that is perfectly understandable lovely! Happy holidays xx

I need Sam fluff currently, so this is perfect right now! I'm very excited to write it. Keep an eye on this answer it'll be posted right here!!💛💛 Happy Holidays!

-

Here it is, I hope you like it!!

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Word count:732

Warnings: Dean being a little bit of an ass. That's really it besides fluff!

Summary: Dean pokes fun at Sammy's hair and reader reassures him that she likes it💛

"Sammy seriously, just let me cut it. You look like you're supposed to be in a shampoo commercial." Dean said to his brother. "Shut up Dean. My hair is fine the way it is." Sam clapped back almost defensively. 

Dean raised his hands in surrender, "Alright, fine I'll leave you and your mane alone." He said leaving the table to grab a beer. 

Sam looked at him walk away, and he shook his head. He ran a hand through his hair wondering if maybe his brother was right. 

"Hey, I'm sure if you ask (y/n), she'll gladly cut it for-" Dean was cut off as he walked in. Sam glared at him, and Dean chuckled. 

Sam grabbed the books he was reading and walked to your room. He just heard Dean chuckle as he walked away. 

Sam had begun to have doubts about not cutting his hair. Maybe you didn't like it, maybe you just tolerated it for his sake.  

No, you wouldn't ever do that to him he thought. 

He stopped outside the door which was surprisingly open. You usually liked to have it closed so this was odd but he shrugged it off. 

"Hey babe, what're you doing?" Your voice cut through his thoughts and brought a smile to his face.

"Just wanted to come be with you for a bit. I brought some books, maybe you could help me go through them?" Sam sweetly stated.

A broad smile spread across your lips. "I would love to. Now come over here." You made grabby hands towards your boyfriend. 

Sam walked towards you and set the books down in front of you. He sat with you, and you looked at him once again making grubby hands. He chuckled and maneuvered so he leaned back against your chest. You let out a content sigh. Your back was against the headboard and your hands immediately went to his hair. 

He opened the book he was reading and planted it in a way so that you could see it as well. Sam's smile dropped a bit when those thoughts slipped into his mind again and he became slightly insecure. 

You noticed his mood changed and you frowned. Reaching over his shoulders you closed the book and set it aside. 

You nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck, his soft hair tickling your face. It made you giggle a bit. 

"What's wrong my love?" You asked softly. He sighed at the feeling of your warm breath across his skin. 

Your hand reached up once again to play with his hair. 

"Do you think I should cut my hair?" He asked disheartenedly. You lifted your head and angled his head so he could look at you. Confusion was written across your features. 

"Why in all of hell would you ask me that Sammy?" Your voice had an incredulous tone. 

He looked away a bit embarrassed.

"Dean was just saying-" you cut him off with a huff.

"Of course Dean would say something. Sammy, don't listen to him." You told your boyfriend. 

He looked at you once again with his puppy dog eyes. Your heart ached a bit. 

"I didn't think it was that bad..." he trailed off. 

You brushed your thumb along his cheek. "Sam, your hair is one of my favorite things about you. It's something that stands out about you. Plus it gives me something to hold onto." You winked at your boyfriend.

His cheeks flushed and he let out a small chuckle. 

He shifted his body so he was sitting up. You bent your knees a bit, he took a hold of your ankles and pulled you down onto the bed. Your head now resting on the pillow. You chuckled at his actions, and reached out to grab his hands. You tugged on his hands and he smiled before lying down on his stomach. When he lied down his head was against your stomach. His hands were under your shirt gently resting over your ribs. You smiled at the feeling and ran your fingers through his hair. Picking up the soft strands and making little braids here and there. 

He smiled against your skin where the shirt had risen, and you eventually felt his breathing even out. He fell asleep and you continued to play with his hair until you fell asleep too, reminding yourself to kick Dean's ass tomorrow.

[eerythingisshaka]

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Jason Momoa x Reader

Word Count: 4.3K

Warnings: Bad attitudes/smut

Vroom vrooooom!!

Your eyes squeezed tightly in annoyance before you started to buck your blankets off of your body, punching your bed in aggravation.  Every weekend it’s the same thing: at 7 am your sleep is disrupted by the violent roar of a motorcycle engine.  You just moved in to your new place a month ago and at first you assumed that the disturbance would be temporary.  People work on their vehicles on the weekend, and testing things may require a few loud repetitious sounds. But EVERY weekend?  The two days out of the week you get to be able to sleep without an alarm blaring and you still have to wake like its a work day.

Today was even worse because it sounded like it was right outside your window.  The funk of fumes made you cough while you got up to look out your window.  No one was outside but you put your shoes on anyway.  No way were you taking this lying down.

No shame in your bonnet game, you walked out in your pajama shorts, tank and slippers to survey your surroundings in the parking lot.  You see some guy hunched over a big old looking bike, his back turned to you.

You marched over to him without abandon, building up your month's worth of frustration to fire off at him.

"Hey man!"

The putter of the engine must've drowned out your words so you shouted again.

"Hey! You know what the hell time it is? Some people are tryna sleep!" you said to the back of his messy man bun.

He turned his face to you slowly with a raised eyebrow, looking amused as his eyes settled on your slippers.

You felt self-conscious, taking a step backward and crossing your arms.  "I had to hear you tinkering at this garbage at ungodly hours for a month!"

He reached for the ignition and turns the motorcycle off.  

"It’s not garbage.  It’s vintage."

His voice boomed in the newfound silence, throwing you off your anger rhythm.  He wipes his dirty hands against his well worn jeans as he comes to a standing, towering over you like a giant.  

You felt a wave of vertigo just looking at him but remained on subject.   "Looks old, like it should be thrown away."

He crossed his arms bouncing momentarily on his toes just making him grander.  "Perhaps you have heard of a concept called recycling, refurbishing, or reusing.  Just because something has lost its luster doesnt mean its a pile of junk."

“Well excuse me for liking the finer things in life.  Couldn’t kill you to trade this in for something better and less noisy!  So keep it down in the meantime.”  You walked off in a huff, scraping the soft soles of your slippers across the pavement.

“Nice to meet you too neighbor, the name is Jason!  I could show you how to sew that hole in your shorts too since you like the finer things!”

You stopped suddenly, sticking your butt out to look at the supposed hole.

“Don’t worry.  Looks good.”  His voice dipped into a tone that sounded predatory.  You walked backwards glaring at him  as you made your way back around the corner out of his line of sight.  

You stopped for a second to feel your behind and come across the hole you got roasted on.  You kiss your teeth, feeling yourself get warm with embarrassment.  It didn’t matter to you because sleep clothes aren’t supposed to always be fancy schmancy.  You peeked around the corner and spied on him as he worked.  He had the nerve to talk about anyone with his dusty olive green Henley on with the sleeves rolled up, showing off his large forearms and that geometric tattoo.  You couldn’t care less about his opinion, long as his motor keeps quiet.   The next weekend, you stayed out hella late catching up with friends after work.  Happy hour was popping and you are a sucker for discounted drinks, especially when they are as good as the ones at your favorite bar.  Your Lyft dropped you off in front of your place at 3 AM and you trudged to your front door and catch a glimpse of something in your peripheral as you dug out your keys.  On top of the trash bag there was a note scrawled on a piece of paper that says RECYCLE.

“What the fuck?”  you say out loud and picked up the note, turning it over you see the signature -Neighbor J.   

You balled up the paper.  “Oh you think you run my life now?  Where the hell he get the nerve even coming up to my front door.  He don’t know me, but he will!”  You cursed out the air, practicing what you plan to say to him next time you see him and plotting your next moves.

A few hours later, morning broke and so did your peace.  A loud banging at your door makes your heart race from surprise.  You prayed silently that it’s no police as you bounded toward your door and look through the peephole.  

You jumped back just as fast when you recognize the face, snatching your bonnet off and fingering your curls loose to be more presentable.  You scuttled over to a nearby mirror to check that your shirt had no stains, and shorts no holes.  All looked clear but you didn’t want to open the door in loosely fitted mickey mouse pajama bottoms, changing fast into some boy shorts.

After a quick change, you finally answered the door, to be greeted by his broad back.  He wore a tank top today, mauve pink of all colors, giving a full show to the power he packed in his arms.  Plus his hair was out of its man bun, showing off its waves, looking so touchable.  His jeans and boots looked like the same ones from the last time you saw him.  You chuckle to yourself over his laziness.

He turned to you like a shampoo commercial with his hands on his hips.  “You put your crap on my bike?”

You crossed your arms and leaned on your frame, shrugging.  “No idea what you’re talking about.

He pulls a cardboard box from beside him with empty water bottles and old cereal boxes.  

“You think it’s funny, playing crap Jenga on my property?”

You rolled your eyes.  “It’s not crap, it’s reusable, remember?  Look, I got your note about recycling.  I just wanted to let you know I am way ahead of you.  My contributions are better than that gas you spew in the air from your bike.”

“Single use plastics are one of the biggest contributors to the destruction of earth’s ecosystems.  Why the hell would you waste money on them anyway?  Get a filter and a steel bottle-”

“Please!  Can you stop telling me what to do like I ain’t grown!  I know how sustainability works, that’s why I’m re-cy-cling!  Now if that’s suddenly a bad to do, I’ll Google that, but you ain’t God here.”

His stare read threatening to you, but you weren’t afraid of him trying you.  He seemed to be the type to not be challenged often and you yourself loved a challenge.  Multitasking the stare down, you memorize his facial features from his shaggy facial hair to the break in his eyebrow from an old scar.  

You work your neck for emphasis.  “Are we done here?”

He scoffs, kicking the box toward you before strolling off.  “Stop using single use plastics.”

“Ok, George of the Jungle!”  You taunt, sending him off with a wave.  Closing your door, you laugh out loud, giving a fist pump to the air.  You won this round whether he acknowledges it or not.  Plus you never heard that engine all day afterwards, catching up on your rest.

--

A couple weekends passed and one hungry morning you realize you’re low on food to eat.  You can’t chill on an empty stomach so you get your stuff to head out to your car.  

The sky was cloudy that day, making you yawn involuntarily as you start your engine.  It sputters, trying to turn over, but won’t kick off.  You tried this four or five more times before you sit back, punching your steering wheel.  Of all days for this to happen, today ain’t it.  

Suddenly the roar of a motorbike distracted you in the distance and a horrible thought passes your brain.  Jason knew his way around a motorbike, so a car shouldn’t be too different, right?

You get out the car and stomp towards the other end of the parking lot where you see you neighbor mounting his motorbike.

“Hey!  Hey!”  You yelled out, waving him down.  He saw and you notice his shoulders jump a little as a smile crawls across his face. You weren’t expecting that reaction.

“I’m gonna be outta your hair, I got my girl fixed up and I’m taking her for a spin.  Continue to catch your beauty sleep, doll,” he says sarcastically.

You look at his bike and gave the tire a kick.  "I'm not worried about that.  Glad you got it up and running."

Jason turned off the engine and scratched his beard, coming to a standing.  "What’s going on?"

You shrug, making Jason laugh hard.

"Now I really know something is up.  This is the first time you are speechless AND the last thing you said was nice? What did you do?"

You tried to fight your attitude because you still needed to ask if he could help you.

"I mean, I still think the bike looks rusty and dusty. Can’t tell it from some junkyard scrap but hey, there’s a pulse!"

Jason pointed at you, clicking his tongue. "And a good morning to you as well."  He kicks on his motor again and begins to move.

"Wait wait!" You shouted.

He turns the bike off again. "Sweetheart, I got little patience."

You groan.  "My car won't start.  I was hoping you could give it a look."

“DO I look like a mechanic?”  he asks, leaning forward on his bike.

You stared at him dumbfounded.  “You literally work on this bike all the time!  No one is doing that shit without some experience!”

“A motorcycle is not a car, ma’am,”  he said.  “Apples and oranges.  Hell, their practically fishes and trees!”

“Do you really wanna insult my intelligence?”

Jason held his hands up in the air.  “I don’t have to do anything when it comes to you.  You come with drama and mess in tow, and I’m tired of hearing it, if we’re being honest.”  He got up from his bike, heading in the opposite direction on you.

A raindrop on your face snapped you back to reality and by the time you looked up the clouds opened up their floodgates.

You covered your head.  “Dammit!  Jason!”   

You ran after him as he continued to stomp on to his place.  “There’s a thing called humility and being a good neighbor and something tells me you haven’t learned that before.”  He stops in the middle of his yard whipping around to face you.  His hair soaked in rain yet maintaining its wave intrigued you.  Most people look like a sad dog in the rain, but the wetness amplified his stoic appeal.

“You’re spoiled,” he says, rain falling off his lips as he enunciated.

“I need help!  That’s all I’m asking!”  

“You don’t ask!  You demand!  You demand I be quiet and play childish games when people call you out.”  His voice became more aggressive with demonstrative movement to emphasize his words.

You clasped your hands together.  “Oh!  Well it looks like you’re just used to doing shit YOUR way, and no one had the BALLS to step to you.  Well I am, so what?”  

You step right under his nose, rain from his body drops in your face.  He looked down at you amused.

“You better run along before you do something you can’t take back,” he warns.

“I don’t have regrets, just learned lessons.  So what you got?”

“What I got?”

“Yeah, what-”

His lips crashed into yours with momentum and strength.  His hands gripped your arms a little too tightly, making your hands splay in a shocked manner, unable to move.  His force mixed with the weather conditions made it hard to breathe and your will to do so causes you to push him back with as much strength as you can.

“What the FUCK WAS THAT?!”  You scream, wiping your mouth to no avail.

He stands there frozen, breathing hard.  “I don’t know what to say.”

“Like hell you don’t!  This the shit I’m saying!”  You gawk at him, seeing his shirt cling to his body as the rain weighs down the fabric.  Jason whipped his hair back unapologetically.  

“I told you.  You’re spoiled.  I don’t kiss your ass, so you’re mad.”

“I don’t remember asking you to kiss me at all, did I?”

He shrugs.  “I didn’t ask you to get in my face and threaten me, yet here we are.  Go dry off,” he says, taking himself back to his place and leaving you in the rain.

--

Later that night, you’re in the midst of finishing up twisting your hair  for the night when you hear the familiar sound of an engine blaring.

You check the time, 12:35 AM.  You’re instantly fuming, twirling a mad finger around your last twist end and putting on your robe.  

Stomping outside, you see him clear as day, outlined by the parking lot lights.  Jason sits on his bike revving it over and over as you walked closer and closer.  You get about 30 feet away from him when he turns the bike off.

“You fucking get on my damn nerves.  I’m sick of this!”  You shout at him.  

He got off his bike, standing with his hands in his pockets.  Soon as you were within arms length, you raise your hand and bring it to the back of his neck, pulling him into you.  You were ready this time, opening up to take hi essence in with your own.  Your fingers clutch the roots of his hair, pulling yourself up to him as much as possible until he helped you.  Wrapping his arms around your waist, he doesn’t miss a beat in your mouth as he lifts you to his level and you wrap your arms around his neck.  You bit his lips, groaning into his mouth excitedly.  

“I told you, I step up if you try me.”  you say.

He licks his wounded lips, eyes heavy with anguish.  “And I can take a hit, if necessary.”

You both stumble back to your place, fighting to feel each other’s skin quicker than you could get undressed.  You let your robe fall off at the door.

Your scratch at the bottom of Jason’s shirt, pulling it up as he surrenders his arms to your tugs, shaking his hair loose once you’ve freed him.

He pulled your hair back roughly, exposing your neck to his tongue grazing the pulse point of your neck.  Your nails dig into his hips as you fight the ticklish sensation, making him groan.

“Watch those claws, kitty,”  he warns, taking liberties with your body. The palms of his hands feel rough against your stomach when he traces your curves up to your breasts.  You breathe erratically, feeling the warm arousal build as your nipples greet his fingertips, but you pushed him back roughly.  As he stumbles, he looks at you defensively.

“Am I moving too fast?”  He asks as his chest rises and falls heavily.  You take your shirt off, standing in just your underwear.  He starts to unbutton his pants…

“Stop!  Don’t.”  You command.

He freezes in mid zipper pull, looking frustrated.  “Look if this ain’t happening, just-”

“Did I say nothing is happening?  I told you to stop.  And it would be good if you just listened, for once,”  you say, dropping your voice lower and quieter.  You walked up to him, moving his hand aside, pushing him against the wall.

“You find me attractive, right?”  You ask as your fingers find his zipper and pull it the rest of the way down.

He keeps his poker face as you stare him down.  “I do.  You’re very sexy.”

As he admits this, your palm slides down his stomach and under his waistband.  Under your touch you feel him grow, making your heart skip.

“Not sexy enough.  You still got some growing up to do I see,”  you reply as you pull his bottoms down, letting his dick recoil from its boundaries.  

Jason exhales sharply, bracing his back against the wall.  “You don’t have to.”

You settle down to your knees, observing the specimen before you, gripping his shaft as you look up at him.  “You don’t want me to?”

His hair framing his face, he pulls it back taking a deep breath.  “You got my dick in your hands, and you think I’m backing down now?”

“Then tell me what you want me to do…”  You say quietly, biting your lip as you watch him while stroking him, blowing slowly along his length, lips puckered and tempting.

He reached for the top of your head gently massaging your scalp.  “I want that big mouth to show me what it can do.”

You smirk, letting your tongue flutter around his tip, warming him up.  You feel his scalp massage slow as your lips softly kiss his member.  His head falls backward as you open your mouth wider, swallowing his girth deeper.  You look up at him, massaging his balls. 

“Oh God, you’re amazing.  Your mouth so soft,”  he moans, looking down at you, jutting his hips towards your face minutely.  

You allow your throat to open a bit more, taking hold of his thighs as he pushes himself into your mouth deeper. 

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.  Just look at you.”  He pulls out of you, bending down to take you in for a kiss.  He tastes himself within your mouth, fully devouring your mouth in a kiss.  You hold his hands against your face as he embraces you, feeling overwhelmed with passion.

“Fuck me, now.”  You growl into his face, getting up.  He pushes you against the wall he once stood, pulling your underwear down to your ankles, you steady your hands on his wide shoulders.  

He stands up looking you deep into your eyes as you reach for his dick, coaxing him to move on, but he grabs your wrists, setting them on his shoulders.  

“You’re too impatient,”  He says, running his finger across your cheek, nuzzling his nose against yours.  

You exhale.  “Damn right I am.  The one thing we can get along about, you’re trying to postpone.”

He chuckles, feeling between your thighs.  “You’re this wet for me?  You like me more than I thought.”

You roll your eyes, closing them when his fingers fit so easily inside of you, digging your nails into his shoulders.  “Maybe I just like the sex.  Thought of that?”

He shrugs.  “Let’s see what fits and talk later.  Your pink looks real good.”  

He grips his hands under you, lifting you and wrapping your legs around his waist in one movement.

As he holds you, you feel for his dick, helping to guide his tip to your entrance.

“Teamwork, right?”  You gasp as he spreads you wider, pushing himself inside of you.  You exclaim, gripping the back of his neck for dear life.

“Did I hurt you?”  He asks.

You shake your head.  “No, keep going.  I want more.”

He obeys, pushing further inside your walls.  

“That’s it baby, deeper.”  You encourage him, you tighten up around him as your body relaxes to the new sensation.

Jason’s hands travel around your back, holding you close as works his length into you, working his hips like it’s his job.

“Ah, your pussy is so good baby.”  Jason moans in your ears.

“This pussy is good to you cuz that dick.  Give it to me, harder.”

Jason rams his length inside you, holding still as you writhe, repeating the action over and over.

“Yes, oh yes,”  you cry out, feeling tears reach the corners of your eyes, feeling a wave of pleasure creep and spread throughout your body.

Jason pounds your deeper, harder as you cry out, digging into his back, he pulls your mouth to his, kissing you passionately.  

“You take me so well.  I knew you were tough.  Keep cumming, I want all of you on me,”  he says.  You cover his mouth.

“Shut up, or I won’t stop,” you feel your body buckle under the pressure.  It became too much.

Jason opens his mouth, sucking two of your fingers as his pace quickens.

“I’m close baby, hang on.”  Jason cautions, gripping your breasts and he rests into the crook of your neck, giving all of himself into you.

His hand moves between your breasts, tracing your sweat with his lips.  He grunts with a guttural tone, “Looks good.”

“Pull…”  you say weakly between breaths, barely able to think straight.  Your body feels like it’s floating away from you as you hit another orgasm before you feel yourself go empty.  You look down to see Jason jacking against your stomach, strips of white paint your belly as he howls in euphoria.

You notice your heartbeat for the first time, pounding in your chest but you felt no stress.  Your mind is hazy as Jason talks but you can’t fully register what he’s saying.  He holds your face, looking concerned as he picks you up to take you to his bedroom lying you down.

You feel a towel on your stomach as you lay on your back, completely checked out of your surroundings.

“Sure, you can spend the night, no problem.”  Jason says half-jokingly as he crawls to the other side of the bed, pulling a blanket over the both of you.  You feel his hands in your hair, gentle massaging your curls as your eyes close.

The next morning, you wake with a fright, feeling this arm laid across your waist like a boa constrictor.  A snore behind your head makes you nearly jump out of bed.

“Good morning, beautiful,” a gruff sounding Jason stretches, kissing your shoulder.

“Whoa, whoa.  Don’t do that,” you say, sitting up and covering yourself in your section of the blanket.

Jason tousles his hair, moving closer to you.  “Oh no?  I can’t initiate this time?”

You push his face back.  “You can’t initiate ever!  This isn’t a back to back thing, so don’t think you got rights to me.  Where are my clothes?”

You see your drawers, robe and shirt by the front door.  “Can you close your eyes as I get my stuff?”

Jason lays back with his hands behind his head.  “Take the blanket.  I don’t mind my body being out.”

You make a face.  “Ew, just close your eyes and turn your head.”  Jason covers his face like he’s getting ready to play Tag.

You gather your panties, slipping them on.

“You don’t have to run off so fast, we were just getting to know each other better.”  JAson says behind his hands.

You talk through your shirt.  “Bullshit.  Don’t make this bigger than it is.”

Jason drops his hands.  “So there’s nothing to discuss?” 

You shrug your robe on, running your fingers over your twists that are now sexed over and slept on as best you could.  “I’ve already forgotten what we are talking about.”

He nods.  “Well I am glad you got function back to your legs.”  He smiles widely.

You groan.  “Happens all the time, you aren’t special.  And take your trash out, smells like shit in here.”

“That’s just sex in the air, sweetheart.”  Jason waves you goodbye as you flip him off, walking out the door.  When you reach your place, you take a deep breath, feeling the aftermath of last night coursing through your body still.  You felt positively sore, like after a good workout.  It replays in your head over and over; his hands on your body, his deep kisses,  his taste.  You shake your head, trying to free your mind.  No way is he taking up any space in your memory.  It’s over and done.  You take the morning to shower off, somewhat thoughtfully.

The next day you got ready for work, feeling better than you had in a while.  Dick was not the reason, so you thought.  You felt all around more positive until your peace became disturbed.

“No, no, no, NO!”  You yell out.  “It’s not even the fucking weekend!”

You pick up your purse, looking for your keys.  You curse yourself for keeping car keys and house keys separate until you remember you are without a working vehicle.

“FUCK!”  You didn’t want to see, you wouldn’t.  You’ll text your job and tell them what’s up and call a car.  Problem solved.  

You get out of your place, locking the door and notice the hood of your car up and Jason sitting in the front seat.

He turns off the engine, closing the hood, leaning on the car as he looked at you.  “Turns out I know cars after all.”

“Am I supposed to say thank you?  For stealing my keys?”  you say with a sour disposition.

He tosses the keys in the air, catching them.  “You left them at my place.  I thought it was an invitation.”

“None of it was an invitation.  Give them to me.”  You walk up to him with your hand out like a three year old.  When he drops them in your hand, he doesn’t let go.

“Say….”

You tighten your lips for what felt like an eternity until you say, “Thanks!”

He lets go with a smile and walks away.  “I swear I was gonna do it regardless, but you had to initiate so…”

“You kissed me first!”  you shout a little too loudly for a neighborhood.

He looks back winking at you.  “And don’t throw something away that’s reusable.”

Masterlist

[ejzah]

The Agent and the Lawyer, Part 9

***

2-3 Weeks Later

“Wait, is that hair?” Deeks asked pointing at the tv screen where a young woman had just walked up wearing a bizarre looking dress. Kensi nodded enthusiastically.

“Yup. That’s Krista. She’s definitely going to win this challenge,” she said, like it was perfectly normal to wear dresses comprised of wigs.

“Why?”

“Um, because she’s awesome.”

“No, I mean, why the hair dresses?” By now, Deeks wasn’t that phased by the bizarreness, but he was definitely morbidly fascinated.

“Because it’s art,” Kensi said, like it was obvious, gesturing to the screen again as she popped a French Fry in her mouth. “Oh, and that’s Angela. She is a witch with a B.” Deeks smiled, thoroughly amused at Kensi’s enthusiastic commentary.

Over the last few weeks, they’d had dinner together on a increasingly frequent basis. So far it was always at his place, which Deeks was fine with for the time being.

In that time, he’d discovered that Kensi had a truly awful sense of humor, had strange tase in TV, loved junk food, and was fairly messy.

The messiness had surprised him most; given Kensi’s military upbringing, he’d expected her to be neat and orderly. After her first few visits, he’d discovered that was not the case at all. She had a habit of shedding things and never returning for them.

Already he had a growing collection of her clothing and accessories, including a pair of sunglasses, a hoodie, a spare evidence glove, and for unknown reasons, a pair of jeans, housed in one of the spare bedrooms.

He’d also discovered that she was fiercely loyal and protective of her team. Although she couldn’t give him too many specific details, when she talked about her day, he could tell how much she cared about them all. It was like a strange little family.

If he was honest, it made him a little jealous. It had been a long time since he’d anything resembling a family.

“So you catch any bad guys today?” Deeks asked during a commercial. It was a question he’d started asking after their third dat-dinner.

“Yeah, but not before he murdered three people.” Kensi shook her head, finding solace in her food.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Nope,” she said firmly, turning on a bright smile. “What about you, how was your day?” Deeks sighed heavily.

“Well, not super great. Last week I got a client’s sentence reduced to community service. He got in an “ altercation” with his barber and broke the guy’s nose. Then today I found out he beat up his girlfriend. Which he was able to do because I kept him out of jail.” He realized his voice sounded incredibly bitter and he forced a smile. “Perks of being a lawyer, right?”

“That’s awful. Is there anything you can do?” Kensi asked and he sighed again, leaning against the back of the couch.

“Not really. The original complainant settled out of court for damages. This will be an entirely new case against him and he has the money to make it go away,” he said, turning his head towards Kensi. She had her bottom lip trapped between her teeth and he fought the urge to gently tug it free. That would definitely earn him an elbow in the ribs.

“You don’t have to represent him again, do you?”

“Hell no.” He’d resign before that. “I’m pretty sure he’d like me to and some of the other partners at the firm will probably try to push for it, but I’ll decline. I do have some morals.”

Kensi frowned at him.

“I know you do, Deeks,” she assured him. “You seem pretty disillusioned with the law right now.”

“I am,” he admitted. There was something in her expression he couldn’t quite identify as she stared at him contemplatively.

“If this is leading into another joke about my hair, I’m not really feeling it tonight,” he warned her and she rolled her eyes.

“I was actually thinking that maybe you need a change from being a fancy lawyer all the time.”

“What kind of change?”

“You could always accept Hetty’s offer,” she suggested and he snorted. Kensi looked mildly offended, leaning towards him earnestly. “I’m serious. I happen to know she hasn’t filled the position yet and she is still interested in having you.”

“I don’t know,” he said doubtfully. Kensi pushed the remnants of her burger onto the table, tucking a leg underneath her as she turned to face him.

“Four of the five last times I’ve come over you’ve had some issue with your law firm, whether it be the the actual cases, the other lawyers, or the way the law is so easily subverted. You’re obviously having serious questions about what role you play in that world,” she said with a shrug. Deeks shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t deny what she said.

He was quiet for a minute contemplating her suggestion. The day he’d gone undercover, had been one of the most terrifying and exhilarating experiences of his life. It had been nice to the bad guys not win for once, as brutal as their deaths were. Still, he wasn’t sure he really wanted to be around that constantly.

“You really think I would make a good consultant?”

“Well, you’re clearly a decent lawyer-“

“Such praise.” Kensi glared at him briefly before continuing.

“You definitely have enough confidence, you can handle us (not everyone can) and I think with a little training, you’d have no problem with criminal law. It might make a nice change.”

“But if I work with you guys, won’t that make this-“ he gestured between them-“a conflict of interest?” It was one of his bigger concerns. He wasn’t willing to risk his growing relationship with Kensi, whatever it might turn into, for a job he might not even like.

Kensi leaned a little closer, the scent of something (he thought it might be her shampoo) fanning across his face. This close he could see the distinct coloring of her eyes and he had to force himself not to get lost in staring at her.

“Well, in order for it to be a conflict of interest, you’d have to actually ask me out on a date,” she started, giving him a pointed look.

“Touché,” he said, earning a slight grin from her.

“Plus, Hetty’s pretty relaxed about relationships as long as they doesn’t disrupt the team in any way.”

“So you’d be fine with me being around almost every day?” Kensi gave him a once over.

“I think I can handle it.” She snatched a French fry off his plate and added, “Especially if you wear suits to the office.”

“Did you have any particular suit in mind?” he asked, his voice lowering as Kensi’s eyes skimmed over him again.

“I don’t hate that black one you were wearing for your LinkedIn picture,” she said, definitely flirting now as she leaned to whisper in his ear. A shiver went up his spine. “With a blue shirt.” Her nose just barely skimmed his cheek and he felt puff of breath against his cheek before she pulled back.

“Any other demands you want to make?” he drawled. Kensi shrugged, gesturing to his head.

“You might want to do something about that. Maybe wash it, run a comb through it.” He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Alright, if, and it’s still a big if. If I decide to accept Hetty’s offer, then I will definitely wear a suit and comb my hair.”

“Good,” Kensi said, grabbing her phone and slipping it into her back pocket. “Ok, well I need to skip out a little early tonight because Hetty wants us in early tomorrow. Something about mandatory safety trainings.” Deeks stood and watched as she tugged on her boots. “See you on Tuesday?”

“Sounds good,” he agreed. Kensi leaned back in to press a kiss to his cheek. She pulled away before he could react, her eyes twinkling.

“Have a good night, Deeks,” she whispered, smirking at him.

[halfincubus]

got tagged by @riosgoodgirll for this game like [checks notes] almost two weeks ago, sorry it’s super late but it got long because I ramble about ladies I like

rules: list 10 different female faves from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people 

under cut, because it really did get long

1.       Farscape – Aeryn Sun Where do I start with her? She is everything. She’s one of the earliest examples that I can remember seeing on tv of a strong female character that has trouble connecting to her emotions, while the male counterpart of her pairing is the one who wanted to talk about his feelings. She’s also a tough soldier for a dodgy race of militant space-humans (but not really humans) whose sole purpose in life is to fight and die, and through her relationship with her fellow shipmates, learns that there’s more to life than following orders and killing people. I just love her more than words can say. She definitely broke the mould.

 2.       True Blood – Jessica God, she’s so sweet. I love her character growth. She goes from this god-fearing teen girl, to spoilt, angry goth baby vamp, to total sweetheart with a serious vicious streak when it comes to protecting those she loves. Also she’s more beautiful than I have words for and I am so gay. Like, I could look at her for hours, wow what a face.

 3.       Buffy the vampire slayer – Buffy The OG strong female lead, the first of many in my life. Also one half of my first foray into enemies to lovers shipping – you never forget your first, as they say! I love her cheery wisecracks as she kicks vampire ass, the way she mimes staking, and her bouncy shampoo-commercial-hair

 4.       Harry Potter – Hermione I saw so much of myself in her when I was a young, frizzy-haired bookworm that I immediately identified with her, hard, and she’s left a permanent mark on my heart. I only liked her more as the series went on and more of her ‘flaws’ were layered onto her character, which really brought her to life in my mind. I say ‘flaws’ because I fucking love how vindictive she is and how much of a flaw is being intelligent enough to find dirt on people that you can blackmail them with, really? Especially if they’re sucky people. When she doesn’t like someone she absolutely destroys them, mad respect.

 5.       Penny Dreadful – Vanessa Ives I have a type, and she is it. Dark, brooding and with otherworldly good looks (I still remember Eva Green as the witch Serafina Pekkala the best) I still can’t recall her character without getting a pang in my chest. The show’s ending DID HER SO DIRTY but we won’t get into that, I’m just gonna talk about why she’s my fave, I promise. She is so mentally strong and yet simultaneously so fragile at the same time, I want to take care of her so bad. The Devil with a capital D has been trying to possess her all her life, and she is in constant mental battle against him, and she just never stopped trying (until the stupid finale but we aren’t talking about that!) and she’s so strong, I adore her. When she does a tarot card spread you can’t look away, her gaze is so piercing and haunting.

 6.       LOTR – Éowyn This is another one that got a strong hold of me in my formative years and shook me to my core. From the moment I read the ICONIC ‘what do you fear my lady?’ speech I was a fan for life. I strongly identified with her attitude to life (I, too, fear growing old and useless) and her totally boss moment against the Witch-King (more like BITCH king) made her my hero. Whenever I rewatch LOTR I have a stupid sappy expression on my face when she’s on screen.

 7.       The Walking Dead – Michonne Back when I watched this show, and when she graced our screens for the first time I was shaking with excitement. She had such an iconic look – the dreads, the bandana, the katana slung over her back. Her strong & silent archetype was something I was very into, and enjoyed watching. She just oozes cool. The only one on the show with the skills to use something other than a gun on a daily basis, so her kills were not only skillful but super stylish too! Oh and I really liked the vibe she had with Andrea – they should totally have been gfs but network tv are cowards

 8.       Killing Eve – Villanelle the inherent eroticism of a woman who is trying to kill you. I find assassins sexy, always have, don’t judge me. I really enjoy the fine line Jodie Comer straddles playing her as a sociopath with feelings that can get hurt. Also the chemissssstry with Eve is *chefs kiss*

 9.       Lirael – Lirael She spends her entire life up until early young adulthood feeling out of place and wondering why she doesn’t belong, and I just want to hug her. She is so lonely that she teaches herself a spell to MAKE HER OWN DOG (which is 100% relatable tbh) and then she and the dog strike out on their own adventure, which is super cute and heart warming to me. She’s so shy and withdrawn at first but then she really grows into herself with time, and teaches herself to be more confident in her own abilities, despite the fact that these don’t necessarily match up with the powers she has dreamed of her whole life.

 10.   GLOW – the whole cast Ok so it’s cheating a bit but how can you choose one favourite woman from that whole cast? Everyone is amazing and has their own strengths and character flaws, their own little quirks… it’s such good writing, real shame the show was cancelled (another ‘rona casualty)

and I’ll tag anyone who sees this and wants to do this because I can’t think of 10 whole people lol

[bobcatmoran]

So that’s the end of week two (plus one day) of teleworking. I’ve been out (as in “have actually gotten in a car and driven somewhere” and not “have gone for a walk down that one weird path by my apartment that I usually don’t take but it’s very wide and almost no one uses it so it works for social distancing”) a whole three times since then — twice to do inspections of agricultural products being exported because, as my old coworker would say, “The trade must flow!” and once to replenish my supply of groceries and sundry necessities such as shampoo and pick up some meds since I was at Target anyhow.

(cut for your dashes’ sake and because this is not Livejournal)

The inspections are…weird. Usually there’s a decent amount of awkward chit-chat with whoever’s exporting the stuff, but these have all been cases where I communicate over email and we figure out “This is where you will leave your shipment of stuff for me to inspect and that is where I will leave your phytosanitary certificate.” So I go into the warehouse or office, don’t encounter another living soul, look at the product to verify it doesn’t have any pests or diseases of agricultural concern, drop off the certificate on an empty desk or shelf, and then leave.

As for the teleworking, there’s been a lot of firsts. First Microsoft Teams experience. First time using the video chat feature of Skype in a business setting. First time signing compliance agreements digitally because magically after years of being told, “No, you have to have physical copies signed in ink,” suddenly digital signatures are ok. First time taking an actual monitor home from the office, which they finally let us do earlier this week, thank goodness. And thank goodness I had to go into the office anyway to get inspection equipment because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to bring one home.

And first time using Zoom, which I used to video chat with my sibs and my parents, the latter who went to Palm Springs for the winter and had originally planned to be heading home rightas things took a turn for the worse. They’re still there and don’t know when they’ll be back at this point, because they don’t want to travel at this point. One of my sibs is thankfully one of the few food service workers still employed full-time since they work for a commercial bakery that supplies a lot of the local smaller groceries. He can also get me flour, which is AWESOME since I’m the sort of person who’s been baking their own bread for the past decade and a half (if you want any tips or recipes, feel free to hit me up)

Other sib is, unfortunately, in job limbo right now since his new position as a higher-up at an NYC arts institution was supposed to be starting this week. He’s still got the job offer, thankfully, and has a bit of a savings cushion, but his start date has been been pushed forward to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Thankful I still have a job and probably will for the duration unless all international trade comes to a halt. And it’s actually not the first time I’ve been in a situation like this. My first summer out of college, I worked for a very isolated National Parks Service unit in southeastern Idaho. I was the last seasonal to leave by about two months and there was exactly one person who lived within 20 miles after the other seasonals had left — the park’s sole law enforcement ranger, who had a reputation for being very severe and standoffish. I had no TV reception, no cell reception, no internet unless I went into the office after hours in which case all my internet usage would be monitored because it was on a government computer. And town was 20 miles away. A town with a population of over 1000 was a good 50 miles away.

So, I figure, if I made it through that (I read SO MANY books from the tiny local library and played SO MUCH Game Boy Advance), I’ll be ok with this, where I have a lot more in the way of personal connections.

[nope-body]

Depression Hygiene

Everyday care-

Splash water on your face or wipe down with a wet washcloth. Preferably warm water. Rub dry. You’re good!

Brush your teeth. Even if you can’t do anything else, brush your teeth. Try to do it twice a day, but as long as you do it daily you’re golden. If you need to, do it sitting down. Do it with a fun flavored toothpaste. Do it while listening to music or watching a video.

Go to the bathroom. It can be easy to forget to do, but you’ll be more comfortable and have less of a chance of getting an infection or something.

Change your clothes. Put on clean underclothes, a clean top and bottom, and put your dirty clothes in the hamper. It’s a lot, but it’s a big part of helping you feel ready for your day.

Try to pick up 3-5 items in your room that aren’t where they belong. If you can’t, that’s ok!

Reach out to one person. Send them a “hi!” or “how’re you?” or “what have you been up to?” Make sure you don’t isolate yourself. I promise you that there are people who care.

That’s it! You did it! I’m so proud of you!

Every week-

Shower. If it’s too tiring to stand up the entire time, take a bath, sit on the floor, or sit on the toilet while you soap up. To make it easier to do, set a day you’re going to shower on. Maybe two, if you’re up to it.

If showering is too much, here’s some options:

Wipe yourself down with a wet washcloth, then a soapy one, and then a wet one again.

Use dry shampoo for your hair

Stand under the spray, but don’t use soap. Just get wet

Wash your clothes. You can even put a soft blanket in with them and then you have a nice warm blanket when they’re done!

Step outside, if possible. Even if you don’t go on a walk, spend some time in the fresh air. You’ll be amazed at how much it helps. If you can’t go outside, try opening some windows!

Once a month-

Cut your nails. It might feel weird or different. If it does, try soaking them in water.

Toss your towel and bed stuff into the wash. Remaking your bed can be hard, but think of getting under those nice warm, clean sheets!

Spend an hour or so picking up some clutter. It doesn’t have to be an hour straight! Maybe do it during commercial breaks and keep track of the time. Or do 20 minutes, take a break, and repeat two more times. However you want. Do what you can, and if you can’t get the entire hour done? That’s ok! Schedule the rest of the time for another day. Once you’re done cleaning for the day, reward yourself. No matter what you did, I’m proud of you.

If possible, do something with a friend. Go out, see a movie. Maybe do a monthly book club. Who knows. But have an enjoyable experience with someone you care about in person.

Rest day! This is your day where you don’t have anything going on, you schedule deadlines and workloads and completion check marks around this day. Pretend that this day never existed in the calendar, so you have no expectations and nothing you need to do. Then treat yourself. Maybe take a bath and use a bath bomb, or order your favorite food, or get a massage or something. This day is purely for you, and all responsibilities are out of the window. Just make sure you get up and do something for yourself. This is not a day to just stay in bed all day (though you can sleep in! Just not until 8pm).

Once a year (roughly)-

Get a checkup at the doctor. Tell them if anything has been odd or painful or you’ve been feeling different. This includes mental health. If you don’t have a therapist, your gp can help, either give you tips or suggest a few.

Go to the dentist. It’s torture, I know, but cavities are worse.

Cleaning day! Set aside one day to organize your stuff, clean things, wash the floor, you name it. Make sure to take breaks, and reward yourself for chunks that you do.

Take a vacation! Even if it’s not to some beautiful tropical island, you can still take a long weekend and go on a road trip, or visit a nearby zoo or something. Do something special that you wouldn’t do normally! Maybe take the train to visit a distant friend, or visit a natural park. Do something you’d enjoy but might not get to do ordinarily.

[formulation-nation]

If anyone is mean to him istg

[fandammit]

With sorrows to impart (1/2)

[One Day at a Time. Prompt fill from @actuallylorelaigilmore: schneider goes to penelope's door in the middle of the night, instead of the other way around. Way more angsty than I had initially intended, but there you go.]

It’s 11:30 at night by the time she gets through the thick stack of her pathophysiology flash cards, which is a full hour sooner than she thought she’d be finished with them. She’d had nearly three and a half hours of blissful, uninterrupted silence and she makes a mental note to thank her mom and Alex and Elena for basically leaving her alone since the end of the dinner.

She neatly files her flashcards in the plastic flashcard keeper Elena got her, tracing her fingers over the letters in “You can do it!” written in Elena’s firm, slanting script. She smiles as stacks her books on top of the each other and goes around and tidies up the living room. She’s about to turn the lights off when she hears a soft knock on the door.

Given how late it is, she figures it can only be Schneider, so she just waits for him to come barging into the room since the knock is only ever really announcing his entrance rather than asking for permission.

He doesn’t, though she can hear him shuffling back and forth in front of her door.

She furrows her brows and opens the door.

“Wow Schneider, actually waiting to be invited in? You feeling ok?”

He waits a beat too long before he reacts, just stares at her with this intense mix of relief and bewilderment. It’s so disconcerting that she immediately reaches out for him, grabbing his forearms and pulling him inside.

“Hey, what’s going on? Are you ok?”

He looks at her and then looks around the room -- the dim lights, the stack of books on the kitchen table.

“I’m sorry it’s so late. I know you have a test tomorrow.”

It doesn’t answer her question at all, and she wonders if he even heard it. She chews on the corner of her lip and steers him towards the couch, pulls him down to sit next to her.

“What’s wrong, Schneider?” Because at this point she knows that something must be. For all that he comes in and out of their house during the day, she can’t recall him every stopping by their house late at night.

If anything, it’s been her showing up announced at his door in the middle of the night. But it doesn’t escape her notice that every time she’s done that, it’s because something major has gone on in her life.

He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just sits there with his arms crossed in front of him. He has an almost faraway look in his eyes, and that scares her more than anything. The Schneider she knows is always so present in the moment, always so intensely there, that to see him looking so absent throws everything off-kilter.

She leans closer to him to see if she can catch the smell of alcohol coming off of him, but all she can smell is his shampoo mixed with the scent of those lavender candles he always likes to burn in his apartment.

She’s about to ask him if he’s been drinking, even though she doesn’t think he has been, and even though she isn’t sure he’d tell her if he had relapsed, when he clears his throat and leans forward with this elbows resting on top of his thighs.

“So, my uh --.” He clears his throat again and glances over at her, fully present in the moment for the first time since he walked into the apartment. “I just got a phone call that my mom died.”

She covers her mouth, then instinctively reaches forward and takes his hand.

“Oh my God, Schneider. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok,” he says quickly, like it’s an automatic response queued up in his brain. “I mean, I guess she’d been sick for a while -- cancer -- so this didn’t come as a surprise to anyone.” He clears his throat again and shrugs. “Anyone but me, since I didn’t even know she was sick.” He licks his lips, then takes a deep breath in, lets it out slowly. “Guess she forgot to mention that when she made her yearly Christmas call.”

A wave of sympathy rolls through her at his words, and she moves closer to him as she wraps both of her hands around his.

“Maybe she didn’t know then. I mean, cancer can spread fast and -- .”

He shakes his head.

“She’d been sick for the last year and a half, Pen. She just never bothered to tell me.”

It’s as close to bitter as she’s ever heard him be.

"You know, I've been up in my apartment, trying to cry for the last hour. Wanting to cry. But -- ." He makes a slicing motion with his hand and shrugs. "Nothing." He glances at her from the corner of his eye. "That's weird, right? That has never really happened to me before. Remember that Lowe’s commercial that used to be on all the time? Sob city."

She nods, but doesn’t say anything because she can tell he has more to say. She just sits and keeps ahold of his hand in both of hers, her thumb gently brushing back and forth against the contours of it.  

“But now?” He shakes his head. “Nothing, not a single teardrop, not even that burning in your eyes when you want to cry but are trying not to because you’re sitting in your doctor’s office and Mulan is on mute on one of the tvs and it’s that scene where she reunites with her father at the end the movie.”

“That scene does always get me.”

“Right? It’s so good.” He huffs a laugh, though it’s more hollow sounding than anything. “But now, even though I know I’m never going to reunite with my mom, I still can’t.” He sighs. “Nothing, Pen. There’s nothing there.”

He runs his hand over his beard, one side, then the other, and shakes his head.

"That's wrong, right? I shouldn't -- that shouldn't be the way it is."

"Your mom just died, Schneider. Nothing needs to make sense right now." She wraps her arms around him. He immediately drapes his arm over her shoulder and tugs him closer to her, rests his cheek on top of her head.

“I wasn’t going to come down -- I know that your test tomorrow is a big deal.”

She shakes her head.

“That test is just a test, Schneider. You’re a big deal. This is a big deal.”

He’s quiet for a long moment, and she can hears him swallow thickly.

“So, I was sitting there, with my phone in my hands, trying to cry. And I started thinking -- I bet I could cry if I had a drink. I was a really emotional drunk.” He clears his throat. “I figured I should head down here rather than to the liquor store.”

She squeezes him tightly.

“I’m really proud of you that you did.” She breathes in deeply, then reaches up and takes her hand in his. “And I am just really, really glad you came down here. You’re not going to have to go through this alone, Schneider. Whatever you need, we got you.” She lifts her head to look at him, so that he knows just how important this is to her, how important he is to her. “I got you.”

The corner of his mouth quirks up as he nods.

“Thanks, Pen.” He takes a deep breath in. “You know, just telling you all that -- it made me feel better. Or, you know, not as weird.” He squeezes her hand and shifts away from her. “I should probably let you sleep though.”

She hears the sound of metal rings sliding across a metal bar, and turns to see her mother silhouetted in the dark behind them.

"You will sleep here tonight, Schneider.” She walks over and gives him a gentle stare, her hand resting on Penelope’s shoulder. “I will sleep with Lupita and you will sleep in my bed."

Schneider puts his hands out in front of him.

"Lydia, you don't have to do that."

"It is done."

She walks over to him and brushes her hand through his hair, then kisses him very gently on the forehead.

"Go to sleep, mijo. And in the morning, we face it together."

She sees Schneider swallow thickly, then nod.

“Ok,” he says quietly.

Her mother squeezes her on the shoulder, then shuffles quietly down the hall.

Penelope stands up and holds her hand out.

“C’mon, Schneider, you heard the woman.”

He looks at her, then looks at her hand before he takes it and lets her pull him off the couch.

She keeps hold of his hand, leading him around the couch and to her mami’s bed like he couldn’t navigate around this entire apartment with his eyes closed. He doesn’t seem to mind though, if the firm grip on her hand is any indication. He lays down and pulls the covers over him, his long frame just barely fitting on the pullout bed.

“Get some sleep, Schneider,” she says, reaching over to pluck the glasses from his face and set them down on the nightstand. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

He nods, squeezes her hand once before letting go.

She turns to go, already trying to create a list of things in her head that she thinks might help him get through this.

“Hey, Penelope?”

She stops at the edge of her mami’s room and turns around.

“Yeah?”

He squints in her direction and she knows he must not be able to see her from this far away, so she moves back over to the bed. He looks up at her, his blue eyes wide, guileless as always, soft and uncertain in a way that makes her heart ache.

“Do you think the fact that I can’t cry...do you think that makes me a bad person?”

She shakes her head firmly, without hesitation.

“Absolutely not, Schneider.” She reaches down to cup his cheek, as though she can transfer her certainty through the tips of her fingers. “I actually think you’re one of the best people I know.”

He smiles up at her, his cheek scratching up against the palm of her hand, his eyes bright in the dim light of the room.

“Yeah?”

She nods again, once, decisively.

“Yeah.” She brushes her hand across his cheek, then pushes a few flattened strands of hair away from his face.

He closes his eyes at the sensation and leans into her touch, sighing quietly. She smiles and indulges him -- because his mom has just died and he’s wondering if he’s a good person and he deserves to understand just how much he is -- and runs her hand through his hair a few more times before she reaches down to take his hand.

“Good night, Schneider.”

He breathes in deeply but doesn’t open his eyes, just squeezes her hand once before letting go.

“Good night, Penelope.”

[taytcanterbury]

Enzyme Cleaner For Cat Spray Amazing Unique Ideas

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Cat Spraying Inside Litter Box

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[prompt-master]

domestic boyfriends hcs plz

I love my boys and support their domestic lifestyle so certainly anon!

- It started out with them rooming at college just so they didn’t have to be with strangers, but ended up dating and loving the life.

-they both end up getting really good jobs, Jeremy as a tech wizard who designs software and games on the side, while Michael is a dj, music editor and creator. He has a commercial with his audio work in it for shampoo.

-so they have a little apartment together now! It’s not the best but it’s definitely not the worst, they can’t complain. And Michael likes being on the fourth floor because of the porch

-they have the goddamn softest blankets since their bed is close to a rock. They’re working on buying a new one but it has to be perfect.

-they sleep all cuddled up

-Michael takes about two hours to wake up and even then that’s late, so when they have off Jeremy will get up and make Michael breakfast for him to wake up too

-Michael tells pretty much everyone that waking up to the smell of Jeremy’s chocolate chip pancake is the best feeling in the world.

-they’re supposed to split the chores but they never follow their set boundaries. When Michael is too tired to do the dishes Jeremy steps in and does so no problem, or when Michael hears Jeremy had a stressful day he’ll do the laundry for him

-but there’s also a lot of moments where both of them are in a slump and everything just piles up until Jeremy decides to stress clean

- Michael still walks in yelling “honey I’m home!”

- when Jeremy does the dishes Michael comes up and puts soap suds on his nose, and Jeremy usually responds by flicking water at him

-they have a mini fridge full of Mountain Dew red just in case

-Jeremy leaves his boxers everywhere and Michael keeps stumbling on them, they no longer phase him.

-Michael has a pet peeve for handprints and smudges on the windows but Jeremy opens the porch door by dragging his hand along it

-they both have opposing schedules, so they don’t go on dates as much as they’d like.

-they usually spend time with each other winding down, relaxing on the couch and watching movies

- you would not believe how many times Michael has carried Jeremy to bed because the boy fell asleep on the couch

-the SQUIP actually helps with their schedules and life, sometimes even waking Jeremy up to tell Michael his alarm didn’t go off.

- Rich is basically always over, he says he loves “casa de los homosexuales”

- Michael big spoons Jeremy and kisses his neck, then says “no homo”

-they take showers together, usually at night. Jeremy leans against Michael’s back and they just have a comfortable silence.

- they have the god damned greatest game station set up and if you so much as put dust on one of their consoles they will kill.

-seriously like a third of their cash goes to that decked out baby. They have it organized by console, genre, and alphabetized.

-they also have a ton of posters and nerd decals and merch everywhere

-Michael has this giant pacman ghost of pinky that Jeremy won him (by accident) at a carnival once and he loves it half to death

-once they were brushing their teeth when Jeremy inhaled the foamy mint stuff and choked

-they also lay on each other and scroll through their phones if they need down time.

-They have a scrapbook of all their memories and yes it is gay.

-there’s a hole in the wall covered up by a movie poster because Michael once wore his skates inside and crashed.

-when Jeremy is really tired he doesn’t sleep with his shoes on, no he kicks and flings his shoes across the room, it scares Michael.

- Michael wakes up in the middle of the night to panic attacks every now and then, to which Jeremy will rub his back and hold him to calm him down.

-sometimes Michael catches Jeremy talking to himself- or well his SQUIP- and he just sounds so upset that it physically hurts him

-Jeremy has better control over it now so he’s ok. But sometimes he falters yknow?

-random kisses everywhere. Just lean over and kiss your boyf do it.

- “dude you’re so high right now”

“I am not”

“You just asked me if the guy with the biggest dick was named dick and if that’s why we call them dicks.”

[kniveth]

DOMESTIC KAGEHINA FLUFF HEADCANONS BECAUSE WHY THE HELL NOT

- Both are bad at cooking, so for the first few weeks they just eat takeouts or instant ramen - Suga got REALLY MAD when he found out about this and he proceeds on lecturing them on basic cooking tools and ingredients - They started splitting days for cooking schedule, and would usually follows simple receipts on the internet - Kageyama somehow never managed to get it right. Even the rice taste bitter like HOW - Finally it’s decided that Hinata will be in charge for cooking, dishes and laundry for Kags - Lost each other once when shopping for furnitures and both of their phones died so Hinata went to the information​ center and the announcement went, “For Mr. Kageyama, your child is waiting for you in the information center” and Kageyama was laughing all the way home and Hinata will never live this one down. - Kags is actually thankful for the event because this made Hinata wants to hold hands wherever they went so everyone will know that they are boyfriends, duh - Hinata is prone to flu in winter and Kags would never be able to sleep when it happened bcs what if his boyfriend SUFFOCATE on his own mucus and DIE - The only time Kags’ cooking taste alright was that one time he cook Hinata a bowl of hot soup when he is sick - Hinata wants a dog but Kags is allergic to it, so they decided to just keep a cute pet fish and name it Tobio - Kageyama is surprisingly good at cleaning and keeping things in order - Trying to fix the clogged bath tub together but ended up sitting there for hours cuddling - Having a sunflower in a pot near the window and Kags is so protective of it and secretly calls it ‘Shoyou’ - Hinata blasting cheesy old music and forcing Kageyama to slow dance in the living room with him but Kags is just too awkward and they ended up falling into each other to the floor and they do not want to move from the position so they just lay there while the music is still playing in the background - Hinata wearing Kags’ oversized t shirts will never end without Kags dropping everything and sigh in desperate agony with reddened face bcs how could Hinata be so damn smol and cute and huggable - A lot of small fights and sarcastic remarks when grocery shopping because both felt that the other is less knowledgeable about choosing the right brands for canned goods - The fridge is always full of milk btw - Nights with disney movies and ice creams and all the lights off and Hinata will be having earworms of the disney songs for days and Kags always felt like singing along but is too embarrassed to - Washing and combing each other’s hair. Kags hair is so soft it’s like a shampoo commercial - Hinata buys bathroom products with cute odors like coconut milk or strawberry and mint and Kageyama tell him it’s really lame but he secretly likes it alot - Kageyama likes to collect figurines and merch and Hinata is stressing over it bcs 'WE HAVE NO PLACE LEFT TO PUT THAT THING OK. NONE.’ - Hinata overworking himself and slept on the desk so Kags had to lift him back to bed - Hinata likes to cuddle when he sleeps and Kags will woke up with a sore arm because Hinata’s fluffy head was on it all night but he really didn’t mind - Not wanting to get out of bed for hours on lazy mornings obviously - Racing to use the bathroom first on busy mornings! Kags managed to get in first once but Hinata keeps banging on the door desperately so Kags just pulled him in and off course both of them ended up late - On birthdays they’d decorate the room and invite the team for movie night and pizza - Kageyama wanted to surprise Hinata by making Hinata’s birthday cake himself once. The cake actually looks okay and Hinata is so happy and everyone else is like, “what the hell how does that cake not crumble into pieces”, but it turns out that Kags had asked Suga for help and Suga was by his side THE WHOLE TIME making sure everything went alright, so the cake was supposed to be OKAY. But then Hinata take the first bite and it was… Not how a cake should taste. Everyone realized this by Hinata’s expression. But he finished it and told Kags it’s delicious and everyone else is so moved that they all ended up eating​ the cake too but Suga is still in shock because HOW THE HELL DOES THAT THING FAIL HE WAS THERE THE WHOLE GODDAMN TIME JUST HOW - Their bedroom has a really big window by the bed and there’s this big sakura tree by the window. On clear spring days when they are done with everything else they’d just sat there cuddling, watching the pink petals fall down - Walking outside on winters just because they want to feel the warmth​ of each other’s hands amidst the freezing winds - Hinata likes kissing Kags’ temple. Kags likes kissing Hinata at the back of his head and nuzzling on his fluffy hair - Hinata is afraid of cockroaches and there was a flying cockroach in the kitchen once and he screamed so loud and Kageyama was just about to walk into the apartment room and he was so SHOCKED bcs what is happening to Shoyou and he sprinted to the kitchen and Hinata is crying and curling into a ball of mess and the cockroach is flying around threateningly. Kags wanted to laugh but he loved Hinata too much so he slapped the poor cockroach and THEN laugh. Hinata needs a lot of soothing and cuddling after the incident

AAAAHHHH I went a little too much in this I’m sorry this is getting out of hand I can’t hold myself asdfghjkl

[zimbyplays]

 100 Questions No One Ever Asks

i was tagged by two lovelies - @stardustsim​, @edgypandasimmer​, and @carmysims and i’m not feeling all too well right now but i figure why not.

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? Open. I used to sleep with them closed but then when I was younger and still had a dog, he would hop up on my bed and get ready for sleep, then stop and start growling at the closet. Frickin’ TERRIFYING. Eventually I found out it was a hanging mirror that he kept seeing himself in, but I’ve slept with the doors open since.

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? ALWAYS, but I never use em...

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? never tucked in. I hate feeling trapped. Hands and feet always out of sheet or blanket

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? ...shhhhhh (yes)

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? I LOVE using post-its! But I rarely use em. They show up a lil in my sims legacy notebook tho!

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? I used to try coupons but I got lazy

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? Bear please. Let my death be quick. And not like the bear attack in The Revenant.

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? nope

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? most of the time they’re forced smiles, but that counts right

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? ...idiots?

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? not in a long time

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? nope, I have literally gone 3 days limiting my food/drink intake so that I could go without using the bathroom to avoid such things

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? nope, see 12

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERE’S NO MUSIC PLAYING? All the time

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? ew no

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

do you mean sleep like *

winky wink

* or just like, actual

sleep

? Cuz if it’s the second one, then 1.

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? king

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? “Whistle While I Work It”

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? uh yeah, why wouldn’t it be

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? Not really a fan of cartoons, except MLP:FIM. 

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? Least favorite... which means it’s a fave but not as much of one... right? Or do you mean most HATED?? Least favorite I guess is District 9 Most HATED is I Know Who Killed Me 

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? Doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t remember where anyhow

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? Sparkling water or maybe a clear soda like Sprite

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? I like ‘em alone, or with honey mustard

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? Chicken

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? This list is too long. I literally have dozens of movies where I can literally press “restart” on as soon as it ends and never be tired of it ever. Off the top of my head: What’s Your Number, The Birdcage, Two Night Stand, Ratatouille

27. LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? My lovely boyfriend

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? nope

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? hell no - nothing against others who choose to, but I never would

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? Does like, a card count? Few months ago maybe? If you mean an actual letter tho, it’s been a couple years since I’ve lost touch with my pen pals

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? nope but i might be able to figure it out

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? nope. I’ve been pulled over for speeding twice, but they both let me go with warnings

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? yes

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? does a burger count? I’m a fan of burgers. If not, then I dunno, it changes based on my mood/craving. I had a deviled ham sandwich recently that was pretty tasty. 

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? eggs benedict.

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? it varies all the time

37. ARE YOU LAZY? Yes. 

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? I was a witch 3 or 4 times, a fairy, a ninja turtle, a bride, Princess Leia, a power ranger...

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? Ox I think

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? just the one

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? Yes, to Shape and um... Women’s... Journal? I dunno they were free. Thanks T-Mobile Tuesdays

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? OMG I used to looove lincoln logs. ♥ ♥ ♥

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? absolutely

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? well this is a dated question... Leno. Used to love him. Letterman would literally put me to sleep he was so boring.

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? Not unless you count WWE... I used to watch that until I was 14 or so, I used to call it a “manly man’s soap opera” cuz ooo-weeee the drama. 

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Yes.

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? Yes. But my singing volume coincides with the radio volume. I always sing one notch quieter than the radio. Unless I’m alone in the car. Then it’s anything goes.

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? Only if I’m playing music

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? not really... I mean... well okay sometimes

50. EVER USED A GUN? nope

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? five years ago. At my brother’s wedding.

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? of course, but that doesn’t make me love them less

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? Yes.

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? yeah... wasn’t impressed

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? hmmm.... HMMMM.... I mean I love pumpkin pie with all my heart, but apple is a close second

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? paleontologist. Thanks Jurassic Park.

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? nope, unless you count the ones in the Sims. Those shits exist for sure.

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? yep

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? hahahaha, no

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? only if I’m sick and cold

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? only if I need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? undies

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? NSYNC

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? Walmart

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? bitch I said walmart, I can’t afford either of those brands

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? cheetos

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? sunflower seeds

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? uh no

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? nope

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? something in physics?

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? sure

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? Nope, I got third place once

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? Of course, I cry at the drop of a hat I swear. There are 30 second commercials that will bring me to tears.

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nope

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? nope

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? hate the smell of incense

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes.

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? seriously I’m not picky, I just wanna go 

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? Journey with Steve Miller Band

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? Hot tea

81. TEA OR COFFEE? Tea usually, tho sometimes I just need coffee

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? hate sugar cookies, never had a snickerdoodle

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? not really

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? yeah

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? I lack patience

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? DJ! I’m so against Bands at weddings but boyfriend wants a band and I’m like NOOOOOO. That might be because I spent a few years as a wedding DJ tho

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? sure

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? lol no i can’t afford that

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? black

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i’ve learned the basics for both, but have the patience for neither

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? Living room

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? yes

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? not married

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? hmm... well freshman year I saw our school production of Peter Pan and Peter was played by a Senior named Herman and I guess I like a guy in tights cuz DAYUMMMM. Of course, he graduated that year. So that was the end of that.

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? lol, no. but I will cry and throw a fit...

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? yeh

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? green!

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? sure

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? NOBODY!!! Okay maybe @simplysims27​, and @sweetsugarspnsims​, and ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO WASTE WAY TOO MUCH TIME ANSWERING ALL THESE QUESTIONS LIKE WTF I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD THE PATIENCE FOR THIS

[blepbean]

Crankiplier Prom thing fanfic

Hi and here it it right in front of your eyes 👀 have fun!!!! Word count: 1831 P.S I did a really quick check on spelling and punctuation and such so I’m sorry if there is any mistakes I have to go to bed soon

Mark and Ethan sat on the couch, Mark on his phone and Ethan just… being Ethan, While everyone and their friends is in prom well they had no one to go with. Ethan got closer to Mark, but not touching him he peeked behind his shoulder to see what he was doing. And Mark was on Tumblr? Any other apps like YouTube, Facebook? Who even uses tumblr? “It’s 2017 and you’re using tumblr.” Said Ethan behind him. Mark turned to Ethan who has his head resting upon his shoulder. He slid his phone away deep within his pockets.

Mark ran his hand through Ethan’s bright blue hair, it was smooth like the ones in the shampoo commercials. I mean how does he keep his hair that smooth. “Shut up, besides tumblr is still popular and it’s a great app.” Chirped Mark. “Sure.” Replied Ethan. Ethan shifted his position so he could be facing Mark, when suddenly Ethan had a thought. “Crazy idea.” “Hit me, I’m bored.” “How about-” Ethan paused for dramatic effect, like the ones in the cool movies, he wonder why they did that. “We go to prom, were going to be ‘boyfriends’ I mean everyone already ships us.” Mark felt like he should either slap Ethan or just ignore him. He did neither. “Sure, why not. We already look cute together isn’t that right babe?” Mocked Mark. Ethan chuckled and did Ethan just blush? “At least I get to see what prom looks like with my own eyes for the for times.” Ethan sighed and laid down in the couch, his head resting in Mark’s lap. “So are we like going to flirt or make us look like really cute or Am I going to be clingy?” Asked Ethan, looking at Mark’s eyes.

“You’re going to be clingy because let’s face it you already are.” Mark said. “Yeah, well I’m going to go get dressed. See you in a bit Mark.” “Bye babe.” “Shut up Mark we’re not even there yet.” Mark let himself chuckle. Surely this is the best idea Ethan came up with. Well Mark already knew that he was going to regret this, but for the sake of the blue loud boy he will do it.

–Time Skip XD–

As Mark let Ethan drive for the first time and Ethan actually managing to park correctly without Mark’s help. The sudden cold hit Ethan as he opened the car door, he shivered as his breath took forms of clouds. “Here have this.” The older man lent him a jacket, it was Mark’s and Mark didn’t care even though his fingers was numb. Still they have to act like 'boyfriends’ and is that what they do? I mean both of them actually never been in a relationship in their Whole entire life. As both of them walked towards the entrance they got a taste of what it actually is. Great ribbons of fabric was carefully placed so it looked like a love heart. As Ethan hummed the rhythm of the song that was on inside, he looked at him. Mark thought that Ethan did look cute but like it looked like Ethan is like a tiny fragile blue bird. Mark stood behind Ethan and put his arms around him. “What are you doing?” Ethan asked. “What are you talking about babe?” Mocked Mark, Ethan sighed and turned around to face him. “I’m going to have to get used to that am I?” “Well you’re going to have to get use to this… and this is your idea.” “Fair enough.” Said Ethan. Silence was like a spell between them. Ethan looked at the other couples on the line who was dressed in these beautiful dresses and suits. Ethan tapped his foot in annoyance. Finally the door was open and both of them stepped inside.

And it was huge, like gigantic. The school rented a warehouse that looked like a hanger. And they did a good job of now making it not looking like a warehouse. “There’s no going back.” Whispered Mark. Suddenly Amy and Tyler dragged them into a corner. Making way pass the crowds of hundreds of people like going through a ball pit. “Let me guess, one of Ethan’s crazy ideas.” Said Amy when they got isolated near a corner. Mark nodded his head and put his arms around Ethan. “And I thought the ship would be real, we can dream.” Said Tyler. “So like the whole school will be talking about this and fangirling over this.” “I know, but you know what it’s all worth. At least Ethan and I get to see what goes on in a prom.” Mark glanced around the prom. Amy sighed. “Did you seriously do this just because you get to see inside-” “Shhhhhhhhhhhh, Amy hush OK I was bored out of my mind.” Interrupted Ethan.

Amy looked at Ethan and Mark for a while, then nodded and walked away. Tyler shortly following. “We’re going to regret this aren’t we?” Said Ethan who was staring at the middle of the dancing couples. “I mean you do realise that people are going to see us, and people are going to fangirl that we’re 'together’. Well this is great.” “Are we supposed to hold hands or?” Asked Ethan, turning his attention to Mark. “I don’t even know anymore.” Replied Mark, slowly gripping Ethan’s hand.

Ethan grinned at Mark. His expression looked like he just regretted every single decision he made on his life. Ethan remembered on 9th grade, how that really gay weekend that Ethan confessed to Mark that he was gay. Mark shuffling through nsfw pictures and Ethan saying it the second time. After that they actually hang out even more, which was really, really strange. When ever he’s around it always felt that he would blush or make a fool of himself when ever he’s around with Mark. Probably because he’s like in love with him. Not the typical crush. Like the ones when ever he looks at Mark time stops like the cliche in movies. He feels like he can’t breathe around him. His insides churn whenever Ethan is around Mark.

Ethan’s grin turned into a smile. This was the first time he wasn’t feeling these feelings, like they left him. He liked that, he doesn’t want to be in love with Mark. As he knew he’s straight, in a relationship or girls are flocking around him. “This is a bad idea, we’re going to make a fool of ourselves.” Said Mark. Ethan raised an eyebrow at him. “Mark backing down? Never thought that would happen, the great and truly great Mark?” Mocked Ethan. Mark now left, going to the dance floor with the music suddenly turned up. Ethan sighed and let himself sit in a chair. He looked at the crowd having fun. After 39 minutes he saw Mark approaching him. “Having fun?” Asked Mark. Ethan shook his head, Mark sat down next to Ethan. One arm on the small, romantic table like the ones in movies. “I sat here, watching couples have fun and occasionally girls that look at me with dirty looks.” Replied Ethan, he sighed. “Why don’t you even go to the dance floor, seriously? This is like our last year here.” Said Mark. Ethan looked into Mark’s eyes. “Mark I don’t want to dance, I want to be with you, I want to you to be with me, tell me it’s all going to to be OK. My lungs forget to breathe when I’m even around you.” Ethan paused.“ Let me put it this way, I love you. Now I’m just going to go because I know you don’t have these feelings for me. I don’t want these feelings for you as well because it’s hopeless and I know you’re straight and girls flock around you.” Ethan looked at Mark, realising he just said that right in front of him. He walk away from him.

Time doesn’t stop. No one freezes. Mark doesn’t run to Ethan. Ethan hoped at least one movie cliche would happen. Doesn't look like it. Ethan gets in his car, drives home, puts on a black track suit and a superman shirt and hops onto bed. Ethan feels like he should call someone, he picks up his phone. Thinks about who to call, but decides against it. Ethan sighs, thinking about the past 4 years he’s been madly in love with him. Trying to not do that but instead fails. He closes his eyes. A hour later Ethan wakes up at a pounding noice at the front door. He ignores the noice, probably Mark who is going to slap Ethan in the face. His phone rings, he lazily picks it up and realised that there’s over 10 calls from Mark, 4 calls from Tyler and 8 calls from Amy. The pounding on the door begins to get louder and louder. He runs downstairs, not caring that his parents are sleeping and not even noticing the sound.

Ethan opens the door, with Mark. Soaking wet from the thunderstorm. Still wearing his suit. “You probably hate me know don’t you?” Asked Ethan. “Yes, and how you can just tell me that and just leave? Ethan you might be one of the most smartest person I met but sometimes you can really be dumb." Said Mark, a thunder was heard. Ethan glances at Mark, the drops of the rain outside comforts the moment. “Ethan I have loved you since 8th grade. I thought you weren’t gay but you told me that you are actually gay I fell in love with you even more. I keep telling myself to get over you over the past 4 years! I have spent every single day with you! Ethan! Look at me right now standing in your front door, out in the rain, just to talk to you. I have went far lengths to save your ass, had some moments when we were that close to kiss but nope. You just don’t do-”

Ethan interrupted by flinging himself into Mark, pressing his lips against Mark’s. He didn’t care that it was raining, probably going to catch a cold. Ethan puts his hand behind Mark, Mark doing the same. Ethan pulls out of the kiss. Then looks at Mark in the eyes, with meaning. “You do realise that this could have happened much earlier Ethan.” “Mark shut up.” Said Ethan. Then Mark pulls Ethan closer to his chest, then runs his hand through Ethan wet hair. The younger boy hugs Mark. His face buried against his chest. Ethan felt like he could stay here forever, not care about responsibilities, the future. Ethan presses his lips against Mark one more time. Then before Ethan could speak he left. Ethan standing in the rain, alone, soaking wet. If he said that to Mark earlier, he didn’t have to go through the heartache. He goes inside, closing the door behind him. He stared at the darkness for a moment, then let himself smile. A classic cliche at movies. It had been a really weird night.