#ok that's like 2 eggs each for 5 days that's kind of reasonable

[my5hiningstars]

.

[ballorawan740]

SCP Scenarios: SCP x Fem!Child!Hybrid!Reader

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Requested by: @nightfoxyycats

I'm so sorry this took longer than expected T_T

(Yes Ik it's longer than the others I do, and that's cuz I usually end up mixing the headcanons into drabbles/one-shots, but this time, I kept it as bullet points and I got carried away. Oops. And yes, it's easier to write headcanons this way but it'll end up being long af)

When Cain first met you, he overheard and was curious about this new SCP during a test, so he decided to come and watch, from afar of course.

When Cain first met you, he overheard and was curious about this new SCP during a test, so he decided to come and watch, from afar of course.

Anyways, the little test was just a plain and boring one and little (Y/N) was taken back to her containment cell after 10 minutes. Cain had requested to see you as he remembered seeing in your file that you can breathe fire and cry lava among other things due to your dragon abilities.

It's not like he didn't believe them since he's been in the foundation for many years, but he was just curious about a hybrid child like you and wanted to see if you were doing well. You being a shy child was quiet at first and when Cain went to visit you every so often, you both became close and he was a father figure to you, even though you were abandoned by your father since birth and your mother died not long later.

He took good care of you and made sure you were well fed. You were rather polite to the guards and staff so Cain wouldn't need to worry too much about you intentionally killing them. But only for a short period of time as who knows what you'll be like when you're older.

Luckily for Cain, you were also carnivorous, so he didn't have to worry about you eating your 5 a day (not that you wanted to anyways you ungrateful meat-eating child).

Whenever there's a containment breach, the first thing he does is to look for you

Aside from some side effects, he isn't worried too much as he wouldn't receive any wounds anyways so hell just charge towards anyone who looks/sound like you

He's basically your new dad ok?

SCP 076 (Abel)

Abel first came into contact with you during a containment breach

He just saw you casually flying around and occasionally lending the guards a hand by breathing fire just to burn some holes for easier access (how professional)

He saw you again moments later when you were alone and you decided to approach this hulk of a man to ask for some help, thinking he worked there. Abel had abandoned you (like your hopes and dreams left you a millennium years ago) but you insisted on going with him so he took you in

Later his rage in the facility had vanished as he had cared for you for the short period of time he had met you and handed you over to the guards, much to their surprise

He then ran away as he's not totally scared of kids or anything and hid in his box

You insisted on visiting 076-2 and so the researchers did, realising much later that you both had bonded. Abel was a parental figure to you.

A very overbearing protective guardian I must say.

Even more so when there's a containment breach

Like imagine 610 and 682 mashed up together to form an extremely hostile entity and that's Abel for you

But that's only if you were hurt, if you weren't or fit was just a normal containment breach, had be extremely worried

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor) (Guy's pls don't be mistaken, I don't have any beef with 049 ok? XD If I make any characters a little OC then 049 will gladly rid the pestilence from you without consent)

This sassy MF so-called doctor right here met you when for some reason, the doctors had decided to put you both into a testing room (no, it wasn't Bright's idea).

049 was just doing his thing as you just sat on a really high chair (cuz you do be short so ofc you wouldn't be sitting on a lower chair which is lower than your taste in men/women) and watched curiously. The doctor thought it was somewhat cute and laughed slightly from your curiosity.

Sensing that you didn't have the pestilence, he allowed you to scooch closer just to see. After the test was done, the guards took you back out with slight aggression, but you, for some reason, were still polite to the guards despite their aggression which made 049's heart swell due to your pureness.

You yawned slightly and accidentally blew out fire from your mouth which almost caused a containment breach if it weren't for 049's quick thinking

Later on, the researchers had decided to put you both in the testing room again, and you both began to bond as 049 requested you to burn the bodies he performed surgery on

Needless to say, you both had a great time and the researchers were mildly amused

If you somehow knew another friend (*ahem* 035), he'd probs ask him/her to care/loof for you if there were a containment breach

Or he would just sigh and look after you himself if you were closer to 035 and he asked so nicely

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask) (Right about 049 being sassy.... I'll take that back, 035 is the sassiest, right next to a certain sculpture in the foundation)

Anyhow, 035 was actually the reason you were stuck in the foundation anyways

God knows how, but you met this guy wearing this theatre mask and you ended up here in the foundation

Now everyone thought you were either a Keter or Euclid

I mean, you were so close to being put into the Euclid class but ended up in safe since you were so polite to the researchers as well as shy and relatively easy to contain... For now

Whenever they used you in a test, you were rewarded with whatever you wanted, within reason ofc, whenever you behaved well which was like 98% of the time minus minor accidents since you weren't entirely in control of your powers

Sometimes instead of a reward, you'd request to see 035 as he would perform to you and that was only granted when its safe to do so and when that hideous mask would do as he/she/it is told

035 would be that somewhat overprotective yet goofy uncle that everyone loved and he was totally wrapped around your fingers unless you were hurt or if he urgently needed something or someone

If there was a containment breach, he'd look for you, if not he'll call out his 'friend' to look out for you (*cough* 049 *cough*)

When 035 finds you, he'd most likely ask you to fly around to see the nearest exit or he'd just carry you when there's someone chasing you

If 035 were to kill anyone, you'd cry and tell him no to which did end up in burning the floor but oh wells, they're rich enough to contain him so why not use the extra money to rebuild the floor right?

Anyways, 035 loves you no matter what and he'd do anything to make sure you're doing well

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

Ok so, when you and 999 first met each other, you were kind of just wandering around the facility minding your own business

999 just casually slithered up to your leg and offered you some sweets and a hug since you looked upset and so you accepted it

You both found a place to sit and just talk bout stuff and what life was like before you were captured

But you were cheery just like 999 and rarely attacked anyone, and if you ever did, it was either that you were hella pissed or you accidentally breathed fire/teared up some lava which burnt some stuff

The researchers would secretly take in some notes bout your interactions and just continued on with their day and left you both alone, but would sometimes keep a stern eye on you

They say it's for everyone's safety, and that's true to an extent, but the main reason they do it is to monitor your progress of you controlling your powers

Anyways, sometimes when it gets busy in the cafe or down the hallway, you just fly across the room, and sometimes, you'll be extra cheeky and play hide and seek with the researchers

999 would occasionally join in but he's more like a worried older brother to you

During containment breaches, 999 would run around looking for you and when he did, he would check if you had any injuries

When you say you didn't, he was relieved but not for long since you mentioned bout making new SCP friends and he just died right there and then (not really)

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

Similarly to Able, he'd be wary of you at first

Like, he can sense that you weren't just an ordinary child when you just appeared behind him

He was somewhat irritated when you followed him around, but you reminded him of 053, so he just let it slide and let you show some affection towards him

It's not like he didn't like it, he was just embarrassed

Anyhow, the researchers wanted to test how 682 would bond with you, so they made you meet up with him again but in his cell

You were both chatting like father and daughter and soon, everyone had found out that not only could you fly, you could also cry lava, which yes did burn a small hole on the ground and you could somehow breathe fire

You were also immune to the fire and lava so they decided to have a full-on body check and discovered that you were built similar to the komodo dragon with a side of 682 (XD Don't ask)

682 was left stunned, but luckily he didn't feel the need to run up the wall like that bunny

Like who tf invented a self-eating bunny?

Anyways, research shows that just like Abel, the giant lizard was very protective of you

The theory has it that you were somehow related to the lizard, perhaps he laid an egg before containment and some guy took it in and froze it then decided to hatch the egg

During containment breaches, he would basically rampage around the facility, killing anyone and everyone until he found you

And when he did, he would check on you like the amazing father he is and then carry on killing but was then stopped by you

So he would just carry you around until you fell asleep

SCP 105 (Iris)

I think Iris would be a good mother/sister figure when it comes to kids

It kinda came from the fact that Iris hangs out with Abel and Cain a lot, so it kinda just rubs off her

Her motherly/sisterly instinct just heightened when she first found you on a mission and she just took you in

It took a while to bribe the foundation that she kinda had custody

Not exactly custody, but she had a say when it came to your safety, especially the fact that you weren't exactly human and your appearance would cause a disturbance to others

I feel like Iris would be a stern yet kind guardian towards you, leaning towards the stern part since you're a child SCP and has fire breath and lava tears

Iris wouldn't be entirely bothered by you flying around, but she had to bribe the researchers and some SCPs to help you fly better

She would murder anyone who had to cry because they made you cry and cleaning up after your tears is such a mess considering that you have little control over them

Your fire breath on the other hand is slightly more controllable, but if you were hella happy or mad you'd breathe the fire and burn anyone/anything

Most of the time, its unintentional and you're usually sweet and kind towards anyone, so manners aren't a big thing for Iris to teach you

She'd even teach you some of the stuff she learnt/discovered and you'd just sit there being nosy and curious about everything

Like that one time, you almost caused a breach cus you were so curious and friendly that 682 was about to snap off your head and rampage out of the foundation

And don't even get me started with the brothers and 096, OML

Other than that, you both were like a family you never had :,) (You're welcome!!!)

During containment breaches, Iris would literally pick you up and run

Unless you weren't with her for whatever reason (Yes, you're attached to each other's hips... Don't lie, you love it!), she'd do anything to find you

If you were hurt, shed tend to your injuries immediately and lecture you about safety

If you weren't hurt, shed still give you a lecture, then pick you up and run

If you made friends on the way, she may or may not approve and bite of anyone head

And the foundation wouldn't want an Angry!Iris around

SCP 106 (Old Man)

This old man here is basically the definition of a cool uncle/granddad

Without a doubt, he'd go into his pocket dimension and comes back with a teddy bear or some sweets

He'd spoil you a lot and the foundation had enough of this cuz by the time you become an adult, you wouldn't be independent enough

Anyways, 106 would let you go into his dimension and practice your abilities there for the safety of others

The researchers would occasionally ask you to carry a camera with you just so they know what it's like in his pocket dimension

106 rarely gets mad, and even if he was, it'll be about someone trying to hurt you since you're too kind and shy to make him mad

You're even kind to the researchers and guards which is worrying to 106 as they might take advantage of your kindness (which may be true for some, but most of them are just glad you're kind since it makes their jobs so much easier)

Sometimes, you'd make things levitate which was a shock to anyone who walked by and witnessed this

But only for a few seconds though, so it's not much

106 would encourage you to use your telekineses and he'd attempt to train you

Which didn't work so well, so that sucks

During containment breaches, he'd use his pocket dimension to his advantage

He'd hide you in there just so you don't have to get hurt

If you weren't there with him, he'd kill and hunt down anyone who might know where you are

He'd make sure you weren't hurt otherwise he would go into scary uncle mode

If you weren't hurt, he would just hug you which stops you from crying lava

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

Now what makes you and 096 a unique pairing is that you're both shy

The only difference is that you can speak but 096 kinda doesn't

But that's not a problem since you both just understood each other since day 1

I'd say 096 is that introverted uncle/cousin but he's kinda chill and sweet with you

As for containment breaches, the only difference with this tall guy is that not only will he kill anyone who sees his face, he'd also hunt down anyone who'd hurt you

096 has a newfound ability for this and the researchers were shocked when they first found out

A certain chainsaw loving doctor wanted to test it out himself but was stopped rather quickly by the other researchers

Anyways, one time you almost burnt down the foundation because 096 crept up behind you which scared you to tears

And you screamed as well which didn't help at all since you could breathe fire

Also, when you're not with 096, you'd use your levitating powers to grab lighter objects which did result in the objects falling onto your head

And this is why you need to train more, so then objects wouldn't be yeeted onto your tiny head and knock the nonexistent brain cells out of your nonexistent brain - Sorry not sorry (Ok so at least pretend to laugh)

If anyone bullied you and you didn't say a word, 096 would know and even if you tried to stop him, it wouldn't work

Unless you're in a life-threatening situation, but even then, he'd kill the guy

Dr. Simon Glass

Unlike the others on the list, you're the one who approached the doctor

Mainly because you were lost, but you were curious as well

Simon would probably be the best person to run into, other than Kondraki, but still

It's because he's a psychologist and still very much human (I mean, Kondraki's a normal human I guess, but he has those butterfly thingys)

Anyways, when he first saw you, you were in his office flying about and crying lava

Simon saw you and was shocked but attempted to calm you down and get you you sit with him for a bit, then call the others

But boy did that not work out, because this poor innocent boi was boutta get killed by your firey breath cuz he startled you too much

Bright, Kondraki and Clef just strolled in and saw the mess and even attempted to get you to chill, but this didn't work either

So poor Simon Glass had to find his way to get you to stop being so scared which obviously worked

You sat down with him and he let you doodle on a blank piece of paper

And being a good psychologist he is, he used psychological methods to get you to feel comfortable and to start talking to which you did

You were so polite he gave it to a chocolate bar, but instead of taking it off his hands, you used your telekineses to levitate it in your direction

Simon recorded what he had seen before letting the other researchers take you and offered to take you under his wing on the condition that you were you have a check-up every now and again

That wasn't much of a problem since you were so polite and chill - Usually

During containment breaches, he would make sure that you were safe first and it wasn't so difficult to deal with you since you were with him most of the time

When you're not with him, he'd be extremely worried like a mother hen and run in any direction that would take him to you

He'd be relieved to see you and if you were hurt, he'd bandage you up and try to not cry

If you've made new friends, he would be very happy about it - Unless it's a Keter or Euclid class

They'll be on his watchlist

Anyhow, Simon Glass is basically your mother and mentor

He'd teach you all the basics you'll need and help train you if he can (he'd most likely have to ask the other doctors and SCPs with some bribery)

Dr. Jack Bright

Our favourite doctor here would be that goofy uncle/dad

I feel that he'd sympathise with you since he's also an SCP (sorta) and he feels kind of trapped in the foundation

If you're lucky enough, Jack might be able to take you out for an hour for some fresh air

You'll automatically be under his wing and nobody will ever question it. Ever.

Although he may be goofy and does stupid things, he would be surprisingly protective and his fatherly instincts kick in right away since he first met you

He would allow you to use your powers to an extent and teach you how to use your power properly

You are well aware of his anomalous abilities with his neckless, so whenever Bright had to change bodies, you'd automatically know where he is (other than the obvious neckless thingy)

If there were to have a containment breach, Bright would panic but quickly become calm as that's the only way he could find you and keep you safe

When he finds you he would give you that lecture while finding any scratches on you

If you were to grow, he would give most guys the dad glare of the century and all those guys would run tf away cuz nobody messes with Bright's newfound daughter

I have high doubts that he would let anyone do tests with you when he's not there and even if he was, they would need his approval, so most of the time, you don't even need to worry much

Dr. Alto Clef

(OML Why do I keep adding new characters?! There's so much to write T_T)

Right, so when Clef found you, it was like as if his long lost (well... not so lost) memory came back to him

For some reason, you reminded him of 166 (OML I'm so lost for this SCP, like boi she had a rewrite)

So he took you in the foundation like he did with his daughter and took care of you Since he works for the foundation, he's not remotely terrified or anything, but he's curious about your abilities

And of course, you managed to use some of your abilities because of some SCPs and Bright Clef took you to meet 166 and you both showed your abilities and since 166 is older than you, she's probably trying to help you control your powers more

Which, of course, makes Clef a proud dad

If there were any containment breaches, he'd panicked but once he found you with his other daughter, he was relieved

166 made sure that you weren't hurt and if you were, you'd be bandaged up so Clef doesn't have to worry too much

Anyhow, if Clef decides to introduce you to the tiger doctors, he'd make sure Glass is the first since he's the most sensible person (but let's face it, he wouldn't admit it)

Then it'll be Iceberg, Coggs (that's his name right), Light and a couple others Bright and Kondraki would be last since they would be somewhat chaotic (mainly Bright) even though they're the fun uncle

Whenever Clef has a mission, he'd shove you to either 166 or Glass, if he's free, if not then it'll most likely be Light (and if she's also busy, then yall screwed)

And bless the guy who takes an interest in you when you become a teen cuz our messy boi would make sure that guy would suffer

Dr. Benjamin Kondraki

Ok let's face it, Kondraki would definitely be the mother hen of the dad world in the SCP Foundation

He's literally your mother, kinda like Glass but kinda not, ya know what I'm saying?

Like he'll feed your curiosity since many people around you wouldn't and you're an SCP so you're trapped in the foundation anyways

I'd say he's quite cautious and caring, obviously, but if he's out and about, he'd definitely let you go with him

Unless he's going out for a mission, then that's a definite no-no

He would let you hang out with the safer SCPs like 999 and maybe 166 if Clef is chill, but he has to let you hang out with her cuz she's the only other SCP who could help you get a grasp with your powers

Like how to not burn the bloody floor when you cry and stop breathing fire inconsistently by accident

An attempt was made when they try to train your telekineses but they'll have to wait till you're older

Since most of the time you're stuck with Kondraki, I don't think he'd be all too worried bout breaches, of course, he'd be worried about your safety, but you're there with him

If not then god knows what Kondraki would do

Like that one time, he begged Clef and Bright to look for you in which they did but then they made him do something for them in return

Let's just say, it wasn't pleasant at all, but it could be worse since Clef had a shred of sympathy left for the man and Bright just wanted chainsaws

[ey8508]

Helm

Rumors and Secrets: Victor | 李泽言  

[ He always knew how to insert each screw where it should be. ]

Note:

R&S for this card (CG above)

Chapter SPOILERS up to Season 2: Chapter 14-17 (read at your own risk)

Contains 5 chapters

Translation isn’t 100% accurate (or include grammar errors)

Every part for LZ’s dialogue would be in “this setting”

Do not repost to any other site (reblog is fine)

Chapter 1 Page 1 -Caerus, there is an investigation task for you. - Target name? - Guozi is a newcomer who organized the audit. Her relevant information is in the attachment. - Once received, when do you want it? - Before next Wednesday. - with such little time, the salary has to be increased by 20%. After the dialogue on the screen was stagnant for a while, the other side only replied a word: OK. Page 2 Duan Junjie put down his phone and was about to continue to look at the acquisition contract in front of him when he was suddenly patted on the shoulder. The colleague smiled and asked him: "Lawyer Duan, our department is going to have a dinner on Sunday. Would you like to come together?" "Sorry, there is something on the weekend, I can't come." Duan Junjie shook his head. The man's face was a bit unpleased: "Last time you also said that when something happened, why didn't you stay active with everyone? Eating a meal is also a way of communicate feelings." Page 3 "Forget it, I have been in Huarui for so long, and I haven't seen lawyer Duan participate in the department team building!" The female colleague opposite Duan Junjie smiled and replied, "I would rather offend the high-level staff and never work overtime. You still want to occupy his weekend, don't even think about it." The colleague left angrily, but Duan Junjie kept his head buried in work without commenting on the evaluation of him by the people around him. At exactly six o'clock, he sent the compiled attachments of the acquisition contract to the mailbox of the president's office, ready to pack his things and get off work, when the computer suddenly received a notification. Page 4 Is President Li so optimistic about the contract?  Although he knows that the person in charge of the Huarui Group is extremely efficient, the time limit is too ridiculous.  He clicked on the message and found that it was an anonymous email with a bunch of garbled characters. Duan Junjie frowned. This string of garbled codes was in disorder, but he soon discovered that it was an e-mail with two layers of special encryption, and the secret key was only available to members of BLACK SWAN.  After deciphering the garbled code, he found that it was a sentence and a "S" symbol with a thicker style at the end. Come to the conference room of BLACK SWAN headquarters. Page 5 Duan Junjie read this sentence silently, and frowned. The other party does not use the B.S. communication channel, but uses an anonymous IP to send it. Obviously, it wants to bypass the surveillance of some people in the organization. After the establishment of the BS board of directors, the original Twelve members did not easily surrender to the BOSS. They were secretly engaged in a few small actions, although Duan Junjie is just a crew responsible for intelligence, because of the nature of the work, someone from Twelve has either hinted or tempted him, They secretly made a few small moves. Although Duan Junjie was just a screw responsible for intelligence, because of the nature of the work, there was also TW elve.  Duan Junjie refused either by suggesting or tempting him but Duan Junjie refused. And now... Duan Junjie looked at this email and realized something vaguely. Page 6 He glanced at the time, and now he is leaving to meet the sender of the email. It should be too late to get home at eight o'clock and cook cat food for Amo. Although he was mentally prepared, when he opened the door and saw the man sitting across the long table, Duan Junjie still couldn't help but blurt out: "Mr. Li" The man opposite the long table did not erect the barrier to cover his face. He wore a suit with a straight back and a calm expression, no different from sitting in the office of the president of Huarui Building. Duan Junjie paused, then changed his words, "BOSS." Page 7 Li Zeyan pushed the document in front of him, "I know that your superior has just sent you a task, push that task, and do this first". "Push it." Duan Junjie took the file, "Does it mean that I don't have to keep in contact with him again?" Li Zeyan did not speak. His silence indicates his answer. Duan Junjie fixed his glasses and read the document roughly: "When do you want it?" "Before next Wednesday. Is it difficult?" Page 8 "It's not difficult, but it will take up a lot of my rest time. And I see that this part of the document is just a lead, and the things that need to be explore later are much larger than these papers." He emphasized, "This will be a long work, BOSS." "State your salary expectations." Duan Junjie seriously considered his mortgage and car loan: "Fourteen salary." "Sixteen salary." Li Zeyan looked at him directly, "correspondingly, you have to get back information worth this value." Chapter 2 Page 1 Duan Junjie’s life is very regular. He gets up at 8 in the morning and makes a cat meal for Amo. Then he takes the subway that arrives at 8:27, leaves the station at 8:47, and walks for five minutes to Huarui building, go to the cafeteria to get an egg, two buns, and a cup of soy milk. Sometimes, according to the mood of the day, he changes it to milk, and make sure to turn on the computer at nine o'clock and start working. He is just a screw built in the Huarui Group, as long as he is firm and wedged in where he should be on time everything should be fine. It’s just that there are accidents occasionally in a regular life, such as today. Page 2 At 8:51, when Duan Junjie was about to walk to the door of Huarui building, his footsteps suddenly stopped because a fallen leaf was hanging in front of him for five seconds. An Evolver has used their ability. Duan Junjie quickly reacted. He looked around, cars, pedestrians, even the giant screen advertisements that flickered forever in the distance stopped. In the world of silence, the sound of leather shoes stepping on the ground seemed so clear. Page 3 Duan Junjie saw Li Zeyan appear from the other end of the intersection, walked calmly to the middle of the road, came straight to a car and bent down.  When he got up again, there was a tabby cat in his arms. When Li Zeyan hold the cat and stepped onto the sidewalk, time began to flow again.  The noise reappeared in the city in an instant, the cars and the crowd were intertwined, and no one noticed the small change just now. Li Zeyan stepped forward, suddenly as if he noticed, that he turned his head to look at Duan Junjie not far away. "Mr. Li." Duan Junjie greeted him and walked over. Page 4 Li Zeyan nodded, took the cat to a safe place and put it down.  The little cat was shocked and still seemed to be reluctant to leave Li Zeyan. After stepping on Li Zeyan's hand back and forth, it turned around and jumped into the bushes of flowers. Duan Junjie looked at the back of the cat, and inexplicably thought of his own Amo: "It has a labelled ear and it is a sterile cat." "The cats in this area have been neutered." Li Zeyan replied. These two sentences have no beginning and end, but the atmosphere is calm. Duan Junjie continued: "I didn't expect you to be a cat lover." Page 5 Knowing that all the cats in this area have been neutered and willing to use EVOL to save a cat, it really does not fit Duan Junjie’s impression of Li Zeyan. "It's just a matter of effort." Li Zeyan took off the cat's fur on his cuffs. "If it is not careful, it will not be saved every time." As soon as the voice fell, a thin mist gathered in Li Zeyan's always firm eyes, and his expression became a little dumbfounded as if something had touched his mind. Page 6 Duan Junjie saw Li Zeyan with this expression for the first time, but he intuitively felt that he shouldn't ask more. So he took a step back, "Then I will go first, and the yesterday's document will be sent to you before a quarter past ten in the morning." At 8:57, Duan Junjie arrived at the Huarui cafeteria. Today he bought one less egg because he wants to save time and punch in on time.

Chapter 3 Page 1 Whether as Caerus or Lawyer Duan, he has been very busy this time.  Huarui's acquisition plan has advanced to a critical stage, and the investigation of the "small syringe" has also fallen into a bottleneck. Even Duan Junjie, who has no commercial sense, knows that this kind of medicine that can enhance Evol can create huge benefits that can change the world.  He once suspected that Li Zeyan’s reason for being particularly concerned about "small syringes" was the instinct of capitalists to seek profit, but if they were chasing profits, they should put this unstable pharmaceutical package on the market as soon as possible, instead of letting him investigate  The "black hand" behind the shadow of the "Syringe" incident. "Lawyer Duan, we'll be going first." Page 2 "Okay, bye." Colleagues picked up their bags and said goodbye to him. When they walked to the door, they could still hear a faint sentence floating over there: "Lawyer Duan also works overtime. It's really rare." The sky gradually darkened, and the neon lights of the city outside the floor-to-ceiling windows lit up for the first time.  Duan Junjie was the only one left in the huge office. No breathing could be heard in the silent environment, only the monotonous keyboard percussion sounded in the ups and downs! A sharp alarm interrupted Duan Junjie's work. He quickly opened the alarm interface and found that the source of the alarm was actually for Li Zeyan's office of the president! Page 3 "The sound pulse in the office fluctuates abnormally" Duan Junjie whispered while looking at the screen, "someone went there?" It’s not surprising that Li Zeyan would be watched. Duan Junjie was surprised that someone dared to do something in Li Zeyan’s office. He immediately sent an encrypted signal to Li Zeyan to get the other party out of the office immediately. However, after a long time, Li Zeyan on the camera  still motionless.  Immediately he saw a girl pushing open the door of the office, still holding some documents in her hand. The boss of Huarui Investment’s gazed at the film and television company, also a member of BLACK SWAN, Miss NOX. "That's it, there wasn't anything major?" Page 4 Seeing this scene, Duan Junjie breathed a sigh of relief.  It also reflects that the time for NOX to report on official business is the anti-tracking time given to him by Li Zeyan, and he must be worthy of the sixteen salary that Li Zeyan gave him. An hour later, Duan Junjie stood in front of Li Zeyan's office and knocked on the door three times. "Come in" Duan Junjie walked in, first closed the door carefully, and operated the small anti-eavesdropping device in his hand a few times and installed it on the door.  Then he turned around and said straightforwardly: "Boss, it's done." Page 5 "Tell me." "The source of the eavesdropping was traced to a tea room in Xicheng District. This is the background check of the tea room owner and the personnel he has been in close contact with recently." Duan Junjie operated a few times on his mobile phone, and the corresponding intelligence content popped up on Li Zeyan's computer.  , "A few people have contact with the small syringe".  The person who installed the eavesdropping has also been found. It was the cleaner who cleaned your office yesterday. According to the monitoring comparison, they were not from Huarui, but they should have sent someone in disguise.  People have been arranged to go to the Dingsha Tea Room, and they can act at any time. Page 6 "Understood" Li Zeyan's tone was always faint, his expression calm, it was not like he had experienced a tense eavesdropping crisis one after another, or for this man, he had experienced countless things. Things that are unimaginable even by Duan Junjie's thoughts. More dangerous than this, more knife-pointed. The scene of life and death on the front line. He scanned the page for a few times, pressed the button, and said: "Go to the next stage." Page 7 The meaning of entering the next stage is that he does not need to care about how those eavesdroppers will be dealt with.  Duan Junjie nodded knowingly: "I understand." Li Zeyan's gaze cast through the floor-to-ceiling windows, to the distant ground, as if he was talking to Duan Junjie, or he was saying to the invisible opponent: "The line has been laid long enough." Page 8 Duan Junjie lowered his head: "I will continue to report to you if there is a new situation." He turned to leave the office, and suddenly wrinkled his nose before leaving. A faintly sweet smell that he did not know where it came from, on the tip of his nose, it was like the caramel scent he would smell when he passed the dessert shop downstairs. This type of scent should not appear in Li Zeyan's office. It might be an illusion, Duan Junjie thought.

Chapter 4 Page 1 Unknowingly, it was the end of the year again. At this time, the center of the topic in the tea room of my colleagues will be more and more to rely on a lottery draw in the main link of the Huarui annual meeting. "Last year based on the report someone in the department next door got paid for a month of paid travel and wine!" "I want to pick a camera. Maybe the equipment is configured, and my photography skills will also improve." "Lawyer Duan, what prize do you want to win?" "The Sunshine Award." Duan Junjie replied. Everyone went silent. Page 2 Duan Junjie thinks this topic is meaningless, and he doesn't think he has the luck to win a lottery. Excessive surprises are often accompanied by huge risks. He is greedy for peace and stability, and does not want to give life too many twists and turns. It's better to go home and cook an extra meal for the cat when you have the time. Huarui’s annual meeting has always been very lively. In addition to the people at the headquarters, some cooperating companies will also come to socialize. The police, like the boss of the film and television company of the company, will not be absent every year. Page 3 After the last eavesdropping incident, probably out of affirmation of his work ability, Li Zeyan handed him more tasks. As a result, he came into contact with this woman who had an unusual relationship with the BOSS. Although he exchanged information online, the other party did not know his identity in reality. He glanced at the energetic girl, and then turned away, not intending to say hello to her as Huarui's lawyer. Page 4 What Duan Junjie didn't expect was that he won the second prize at this annual meeting. The moment his name appeared on the big screen, his colleagues seemed to be more excited than him. These guys who usually claim to be the elites of the law surrounded him laughing and making noise, and they said that they should be invited to share the joy, "You're from our department. Duan Junjie you finally won this year's prize! " Duan Junjie was so upset by them that he simply slipped out of the annual meeting with an excuse.  He had just gotten in the car and was about to start, and suddenly two figures flashed in the corner of his eyes who shouldn’t be there at this time. Page 5 Li Zeyan and NOX walked to the garage side by side, and the two seemed to be talking about something.  Duan Junjie thought it might not be an official business, because the girl’s face had the brilliant smile that she have on her age. She carried a bag of vegetables in one hand and gestured twice with the other. Li Zeyan’s eyebrows were still the same. It's cold, but there is a slight arc in the corner of his mouth, and if Duan Junjie is right, is this BS BOSS carrying a bag of cat litter in his hand? It's the same cat litter as Amo. Duan Junjie raised his eyebrows, he felt as if he had discovered something extraordinary. Page 6 So Duan Junjie asked questions unrelated to work for the first time in the work email when he went to work the next day. Why is the poster of the Huarui Annual Meeting is a Siamese? Li Zeyan quickly answered him. That is my cat, it is a Ragdoll. Chapter 5 Page 1 Affected by the public opinion of "Huarui's malicious acquisition of pharmaceutical companies", the atmosphere in the company has recently become much sluggish than before. The pantry is no longer full of laughter and gossip, but turned into quiet discussions and sighs. "When I went to drink coffee across the street today, the clerk saw my badge and said that he would not accept it. He won't even talk to me afterwards" "Hmph, he didn't accept it?, you should complain to him at that time, not only complain, but also wear a Huarui badge every day to buy as a Huarui employee, it is never a shame!" "Yes, I should do that" Page 2 Duan Junjie was stunned and stopped for a while, and the colleague in the pantry had already noticed him: "Lawyer Duan." Duan Junjie nodded at them and poured the remaining water from the glass into the sink.  A female colleague smiled and greeted: "Lawyer Duan, how is Amo at home?" "It's ok, Amo has not been losing weight recently." "By the way, we have recently established a Huarui cat-related group. Lawyer Duan are interested in joining?" a female colleague asked him with a smile, "Occasionally I can see President Li's cat too, Pudding!" "Thank you, I'll think about it." Page 3 After bidding farewell to his colleagues, Duan Junjie set off for the BS building. One or two minutes before, he sent a message from the special communication channel of B.S. saying that an emergency meeting would be held. Before coming to the meeting room, he habitually knocked on the door three times, and after getting permission from Li Zeyan, he walked in. "BOSS" "The next phase of the plan can start." "Understood, I will arrange manpower." Page 4 Li Zeyan ordered him to do the next thing as usual, until a silver-haired man suddenly broke in and interrupted Duan Junjie's bargaining over the length of overtime. The two talked in private. Before the silver-haired man glanced coldly on him, Duan Junjie turned around and left the meeting room. Only doing what should be done, not listening to what should not be heard, this is the work principle he has always believed in. Page 5 Duan Junjie feels that his current life is very good. Both Huarui and BLACK SWAN are huge and sophisticated machines, requiring countless from 'attorney Duan' and 'Caerus' as screws to maintain their operation. The man at the helm who directs the operation is Li Zeyan. Screws can get stuck occasionally and can be replaced, but Li Zeyan make no mistakes, let alone replace any mistakes, the consequences are fatal once it appears. Perhaps in terms of risk, following Li Zeyan is already the biggest gamble in Duan Junjie's life. Page 6 His chips were all bet on this man, and he inexplicably believed that Li Zeyan could win, not because of the gorgeous numbers in the Huarui annual report, nor because B.S. continued to grow these crowns and glamorous surfaces under his leadership. It is because the stray cat was rescued, the brand new "small syringe" industry chain, and the badge on the chest of a colleague. The reason lies in these small things. Duan Junjie turned on the phone and opened a chat window before starting the next stage of work. "What is the cat-related group number?"

[eggs-toast-and-daryl-dixon]

And I am back at it again trying to count the kills in The Walking Dead. I am slowly going insane.

That's the link to the first three seasons since I thought the post was getting a bit long :)

Season 4

Character introductions:

Patrick ? ep. 1

David ? ep. 1

Zack ? ep.1

Bob Stooky ep. 1

‘Mouldy lady’ (she doesn’t have a name I think) ep. 1

Lizzie Samuels ep.1

Mika Samuels ep. 1

Ryan Samuels ep. 2

Doctor S ep. 2

Tara Chambler ep. 6

Lily Chambler ep. 6

Meghan Chambler ep.6

Mr Chambler ep.6

Mitch Dolgen ep.7

Pete Dolgen ep.7

Alisha ? ep.7

Abraham Ford ep.10

Eugene Porter ep.10

Rosita Espinosa ep.10

Joe ? ep.11

Gareth ? ep.13

Gareth and Alex’s Mom ep.13

Alex ? ep.13

Top characters - in my opinion :)

Abraham Ford

Daryl Dixon

Beth Greene

Eugene Porter (don’t ask why, I genuinely don’t know)

Tara Chambler

On to the kills!

Karen: 5 walkers

David: 6 walkers

Glenn: 29 walkers

Daryl: 6 humans + 74 walkers (1 assumed) with a total of 80

Sasha: 22 walkers

Zack: 2 walkers

‘Mouldy lady’: 1 human (herself :( )

Carl: 28 walkers

Rick: 5 humans + 29 walkers with a total of 34

Carol: 3 humans + 10 walkers (1 assumed) with a total of 13

Maggie: 25 walkers

Tyreese: 26 walkers (1 was assumed when he put down a Mika)

Dr. S: 1 walkers

Michonne: 3 humans (1 assisted) + 32 walkers with a total of 35

Bob: 23 walkers

Herschel: 5

Martinez: 1 human (spoken of but never seen) + 1 walker with a total of 2

Governor: 2 humans + 5 walkers with a total of 7

Mitch: 1 human

Lily: 1 human (assisted) + 1 walker with a total of 2

Lizzie: 3 humans (not seen, but we can all agree she killed Mika) + 4 walkers with a total of 7

Beth: 3 walkers

Mika: 4 walkers

Tara: 10 walkers

Abraham: 14 walkers

Joe: 1 human (killed off screen and was by multiple of the claimers)

Rosita: 5 walkers

Eugene: 4 walkers

Total walker kills: 338

Total human kills: 27

Total kills overall: 448

Total walker kills over all 4 seasons: 1033

Total human kills over all 4 seasons: 121

Overall total kills in all 4 seasons: 1134

Main character deaths:

Zack: bitten on ankle and face, then crushed by a building ep.1-30 days without an accident

Mouldy Lady: stabbed self twice, left to turn ep.1-30 days without an accident

Patrick: ok I haven’t looked at this in a while and in my book it said he died of ‘extreme Covid’ so take that as you will ep.1-30 days without an accident

Ryan: Bitten and put down by carol ep.2-infected

Karen and David: Carol stabbed them in the head and then burned them 😳 ep.2-infected

Dr. S: Was sick and turned (I think Herschel put him down but I can’t remember) ep.5-interment

Mr Chambler: died from lung cancer then put down by ‘Brian’ ep.6-live bait

Shumpert: got drunk and walked into walker pits. He was killed in between seasons but is only mentioned at this point

Martinez (another fave dead): Hit by ‘Brian’ with golf club then fed to walkers ep.7-dead weight

Pete: killed by ‘Brian’ and left to turn under water ep.7-dead weight

Herschel (NOOOO): Head cut off by the governor (brutally) then put down by Michonne ep.8-too far gone

Meghan: Bitten then put down by The Governor ep.8-too far gone

The governor (thank the heavens): Shot by Rick (non-leathaly), stabbed through the chest by michonne, shot in the head by lily ep.8-too far gone

Mitch the Bitch: Shot with bolt by Daryl ep.8- too far gone (lots of people going this ep)

Lily: eaten alive, willingly. Between episodes but witnessed by Tara

Mika: Stabbed in the neck (I think) by lizzie ep.13-the grove

Lizzie: shot in the head by carol ep.13-the grove

Joe: Bitten in the neck by Rick (walker style) ep.16-A

Alex: Shot by Rick ep.16-A

Saddest death: Herschel. WHY DID HE DIE! HE NEVER HURT ANYONE! LEAVE HIM ALONE!

Happiest death: The Governor. Hmm let me see: he tortured Glenn, assaulted Maggie, tried to get Daryl and Merle to kill each other, killed axel, KILLED MERLE, killed his entire army, was the cause of Andreas death (but who really cares), killed Martinez and Pete (he just wanted to be a good person), beat the shit out of rick, tried to torture michonne, and I think I’m missing something... Oh yeah-HE KILLED HERSCHEL. That basterd deserved worse.

Best death: Lizzie. Lizzie was kind of a psycho and she deserved it a bit, but the main reason her death was the best is because it started carols whole ‘mental downfall’ thing, which is very important to the story.

Worst death: Martinez, I guess. I can’t choose Herschel since I’ve given him the saddest death so it has to be Martinez. Personally I think Daryl should have killed him because of their betting game thing in season 3

Top 15 killers:

1. Rick. 150 walkers. 10 humans. 160 total. Currently alive

2. Daryl. 140 walkers. 10 humans. 150 total. Currently alive

3. Glenn. 69 (noice) walkers. 0 humans. 69 total. Currently alive

4. Michonne. 61 walkers. 7 humans. 68 total. Currently alive

5. Governor. 27 walkers. 40 humans. 67 total. Dead S4 ep8

6. Herschel. 66 walkers. 0 humans. 66 total. Dead S4 ep8

7. Merle: 32 walkers. 24 humans. 56 total. Dead S3 ep15

7. Andrea: 54 walkers. 2 humans. 56 total. Dead S3 ep16

8. Carl. 50 walkers. 1 human. 51 total. Currently alive

9. Maggie. 39 walkers. 3 humans. 42 total. Currently alive

10. Shane (go away): 32 walkers. 4 humans. 36 total. Dead S2 ep12

11. Tyreese: 35 walkers. 0 humans. 35 total. Currently alive

12. T-dog (hang in there, man): 32 walkers. 0 humans. 32 total. Dead S3 ep4

13. Sasha: 25 walkers. 0 humans. 25 total. Currently alive

14. Shumpert: 21 walkers. 3 humans. 24 total. Dead between S3-S4

15. Bob: 23 walkers. 0 humans. 23 total. Currently alive.

First (and last) words:

Patrick: 1st (yes ma’am) last (I don’t wanna yack on someone)

David: 1st (take that) last (take that) he only has one line

Zack: 1st (I was just about to come find you) last (Don’t leave me!)

Bob: 1st (Hey!) last (?)

Mouldy lady: 1st (wait please) last (you don’t come back)

Lizzie: 1st (Nick! Look over here!) last (I’m sorry)

Mika: 1st (one of them has a name tag) last (I love them!)

Ryan: 1st (it’s happening isn’t it?) last (take care of your sister)

Dr. S: 1st (got no bites) last (you’ve gotta go)

Karen: 1st (Noah’s asthmatic) last (I’ll see you later)

Tara: 1st (you look like you barley got out alive) last (?)

Lily: 1st (Tara!) last (Meghan!)

Meghan: 1st (Mama) last (it’s ok, I can do it myself!)

Mr Chambler: 1st (have a cigarette?) last (please)

Mitch: 1st (you know this guy?) last (You, get up now!)

Pete: 1st (they’ve got a kid for Christ’s sake) last (it’s a sha-)

Alisha: 1st (just messing with my knife) last (I’ll find you)

Martinez: 1st (say the word) last (yeah and then-)

Hershel: 1st (was he bit?) last (it could work, you know it could) 🥺

The Governor: 1st (save your ammo for when you need it) last (liar)

Abraham: 1st (well look at this) last (?)

Eugene: 1st (it’s classified) last (?)

Rosita: 1st (don’t do this Abraham) last (?)

Joe: 1st (get your asses down here!) last (that’ll be fun, won’t it-)

Gareth: 1st (I’ll guess Alberts on perimeter watch) last (?)

Alex: 1st (did they deserve it?) last (Gareth?)

Finaly we’re done with season 4. Sadly a certain person *cough, cough* Shane *cough, cough* won’t leave us alone on the leader board, but I doubt he’ll be here for much longer. Until next time!

[something-tofightfor]

2020: a Recap

My timeline’s going to be filled with these today, so this is mostly for me as a way to wrap things up (I’ll be doing a separate writing recap later, so this is going to have very little to do with writing... read at your own risk).  2020 has been a lot of things for a lot of people, and most of them haven’t been great. We all know all of the BS that’s going on in the world, and have all had our struggles and challenges and week after week where we felt useless and scared and overwhelmed with everything. 

But I’m not going to talk about any of that, because I want to focus on the good things.  Some of these are stupid. Some of them are really insignificant to anyone but me. But they matter - and so do the tiny things that happened to everyone else that have them even the briefest moments of joy during this year. So here’s a list of the top 10 moments of 2020 for me. 

10. My pepper plants thriving for the first time. We’ve never had good luck growing peppers for whatever reason, and this year,  we managed to get consistent harvests from 7 different kinds of peppers well into October. 

9. I got to see two friends get married (safely). Spending almost an entire year away from 90% of my baseball friend group was really difficult. In the middle of October, two of them got married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony, and it was the first time we were all in the same place since last September. 

8. I learned how creative I can be. Resin pouring, bracelet making, ornament-making, writing... with all of this extra time to myself, I’ve taught myself some new things and had a lot of fun doing it. 

7. Getting to rewatch all of my favorite shows (and some new ones!) I’m 95% sure that I finished Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime Video this year. I rewatched favorite shows (Lost, The Punisher, Westworld, It’s Always Sunny, Daredevil and Parks and Rec to name a few) and found new shows (The Boys, Great British Baking Show, season 2 of The Mandalorian, Yellowstone). I watched a lot of TV this year, and I don’t regret it.  6. I played literally 300 hours of Animal Crossing: New Horizons. This might sound excessive, but there were a couple months where I played for a few hours a day. This game calmed me down, gave me a chance to focus, and was fun without there being any stakes. I would have been bored out of my mind from March - May when it was still cold out and I was stuck in my house without it.  5. I got a tattoo. I waited until I felt absolutely safe going into a shop (October) and got a very simple - but meaningful - tattoo. Ideally, I would have gotten at least one other (much larger) one this year, too, but that fifteen minutes with Dylan Yeehaw was the most normal that things felt for me in a long time. (No one has asked about this or made a comment, even though it was clearly visible in a picture I posted a while back)

4. I taught myself to cook a bunch of new things. Sourdough (still waiting on Jake Gyllenhaal’s response to my DM), macaroons, poached eggs, french onion soup, the perfect seared scallop ... I got really adventurous this year, and I can’t wait to try more recipes out this winter. I still need to try a carbonara, and I really want to make my own soft pretzels. 3. I got to see humpback whales in person with my own two eyeballs. We went whale watching last September in LA, and saw jack shit. That was not the case in Massachusetts. We saw 8 or 9 different whales, got absolutely SOAKED and had a blast. I’ve never seen anything so majestic in my entire life, and there were tears in my eyes from the second we first saw the whales until we were heading back into the harbor. Whale watching has been on my bucket list for YEARS and now that I’ve gone once and seen them, I just want to go again and again. I want to see Orcas and a blue whale. 

(The entire trip to Boston/Salem was a highlight of the year, and the only time I didn’t feel safe was in a backwoods PA Sheetz on our way home when we had to stop for gas and pee and there were a million and a half people inside of the building)

2. I got to meet @the-blind-assassin-12 and @malionnes in person. After the initial plans to travel and meet up in Vegas had to be put on hold, we came up with something closer and much safer, and I got to spend a weekend on the Jersey Shore in a house with them (No joke we were like two blocks away from the ACTUAL Jersey Shore house). All of us were very safe before and after we met, and I know people probably think it’s really reckless, but none of us would have done it if we hadn’t felt like we were all healthy. It was another short period of time where things felt normal, even though they weren’t. 

1. I was gifted a one-on-one with Ben Barnes by @its-my-little-dumpster-fire​. I never thought I’d actually have the chance to speak with him, let alone have FIVE WHOLE MINUTES uninterrupted with him. It was a video chat, but it was head and shoulders more personal and private than speaking with him at a table would have been, and I am forever grateful that she made it happen. I got to ask him some fun questions, made him laugh TWICE, and got a picture “with” him. Now that my nerves are out of the way, when I get to actually meet him in person, I won’t be as anxious.  And, since I’ve never posted the picture here: 

There you go. It was a million and a half degrees in that bedroom, and my time slot was an hour behind and I was so damn nervous, but it was worth every single second, and I won’t forget it (literally, because I recorded the whole ass thing).  I hope that you guys have found things to look back on and be proud of or happy about in 2020. Ideally, I would have gotten a sunburn at a baseball game, or won a bunch of money in Vegas, or gotten to travel and see more places and people. I would have not been out of work for the last 7 months, and feeling really useless a lot of the time. We would have gotten to spend holidays with our families and not lost anyone due to a virus that could have been contained much more effectively than it was. 

But we have to make do with what we’ve got, right? And all things considered, there were a lot of ok moments in 2020. There were some alright moments, too. And there were even a few almost perfect moments.  If you’re still reading - thank you. Thank you for taking the time to interact with me throughout this terrible, unending year. Thank you for being another bright spot - comments and messages and reblogs and art and producing things of your own. Thank you for everything, and I hope that 2021 brings health, happiness and a better time than we all had this year.  Be safe. Take care of each other. Don’t be an unreasonable asshole.  Happy 2021. 

[wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey]

Kdrama recs Part 2

Hello @camsthisky and anyone else who cares! I do apologize for the delay on this post--it has only been 84 years since Part I of my kdrama recs, I know, and I thought about going for a full century but this is me finding a way to de-stress after watching the first episode of I-Land alkdjfadlksj I’m gonna die of heartbreak but whatever

Speaking of heartbreak, there is a lot to be found in Korea’s wonderful historical dramas, so like, be warned—or, if you are an angst-loving monster like me, settle down for hot guys and good cries

Let us begin! (or, if you want romantic modern dramas see Part 1)

1. Scarlet Heart Ryeo/Moonlovers: 

aha ahahahahahaha *weeps* You may have heard people talk about this show. You may have heard ME talk about this show. This thing was my first kdrama ever and it RUINED ME 

Disclaimer: I have seen this show once and rewatched it twice and on the rewatches I can never quite make myself watch the last 4 or 5 episodes because things get tragic and messy and I get mad. HOWEVER there is a lot of good in the first part of the show and because this thing was all the rage in everywhere but Korea itself, there’s like over 300 fanfic for it and several good fix-its, including one by my good friend @thelonelybrilliance

Ok so anyway this show which could also be called An Abundance of Princes starts with a young woman from modern times getting thrown back into ancient Goryeo during an eclipse and finds herself in the body of Hae Soo, the cousin of the wife of one of the princes, and thus she gets embroiled in royal affairs which are, quite frankly, a mess. See, the evil eyeliner prince (whom I love even when he’s the worst) is plotting with his mom to get the Crown Prince out of the way aka dead BUT who should return to the Palace but the 4th Prince, Wang So, who has spent at least half his life living as hostage to a powerful family. 

So has a scar that cuts across his eye and which in this society makes him a horror to look at or smthing idk he just looks extra hot to me but anyway he wears a mask and is known as the wolf dog (or as the MURDER ANGST CUPCAKE thanks @abadpoetwithdreams). He might seem a little rough around the edges at first because his life has been hell but he really just wants to love and be loved okay people need to be nice to him wtf

Other princes include: 

    1.  the Crown Prince, Wang Mu, a good egg, not particularly charismatic but he tried to protect his lil bro when no one else would

    2.  the 8th prince, Wang Wook, who reminds me of a fellow named Shane and I don’t mean the cowboy

    3.  the 10th prince, Wang Eun, a dumb adorable spoiled bby (played by Baekhyun from EXO)

    4.  the 13th prince, Baek Ah, a tol soft boi, an artist, a BAE, a BRO, a SHIPPER ON DECK

    5.  the 14th prince, Wang Jung this son will fight everyone he’ll fight himself he just loves to fight! Not always wise but he’s a good boy and I like him a lot 

    6.  just realized I skipped the 9th prince but nobody cares 

One quick note is that IU plays Hae Soo, and I enjoy her a lot in the first half of the show where she is still spunky and rebellious...sadly her character kind of falls apart/gets too weak for my liking as the episodes progress

The MAIN reason why I feel it my duty to recommend this show to everyone despite the fact I have never met anyone who wasn’t traumatized by it is LEE JOON GI

Yes, this man:

 I mentioned him in the previous rec post—he played Bong Sang Pil in Lawless Lawyer (AND IS NOW CURRENTLY STARRING IN FLOWER OF EVIL WHICH WILL BE ON ANOTHER POST AHDFOIASDHGALDSKJF FRIQ I AM IN LOVE WITH THAT MAN) 

BUT SERIOUSLY LOOK AT HIS PHOENIX EYES!!! HIS RAZOR SHARP FEATURES! HIS BIG ADORABLE EARS! HIS BEAUTIFUL EXCESSIVE BANGS! 4TH PRINCE WANG SO LOVE OF MY LIFE

SOMEONE PROTECT THIS BBY

2. Hwarang: Ok so right off the bat I am going to smack down a disclaimer that I can’t stand the female lead. TRULY CANNOT. Thus, I don’t like the romance, and only care about the love triangle as far as it just shows how sad and lonely one of the guys is. (Also there are scenes of dumb old men plotting and I don’t like them either). At the end of the show, I am happy that the one guy is NOT stuck with the female lead as his wife. Good for you sir

Sounds like a show to steer clear of then, right? WRONG. This is a show that you skip through because the scenes that are good? Are GREAT

Picture this: It is the Silla era of Korea, and the queen is ruling as regent in place of her son, who has been hiding all his life because everyone wants to kill him. Well, son is now grown and must soon come into the light and take the throne. Queen who both wants her son as king but also really likes being queen decides to do everyone a favor and form an elite fighting squad out of all the prettiest and most talented sons of nobles in the land, with the idea that they will be loyal only to the throne, and thereby keep their dads from plotting to destroy everything. 

Let me tell you something, these ARE the prettiest boys in the land. Good hair, good jawlines, beautiful smiles—the cast lineup includes Park Hyung Sik and his cute lil elf ear, Park Seo Joon, Taehyung (yes from BTS!), and Choi Minho from Shinee, plus two other actors who are lesser known but who are drop-dead gorgeous. Anyway. Sorry, but they really are all beautiful. 

The fun thing is they don’t all get along right away, a few of them are VERY much opposed to the other for various reasons, but they all have to bond and become brothers in arms. And what they don’t know is that the real king snuck in and is one of them. 10/10 I would die for the boys! (also Tae has an older half-brother who is a lower rank than him but whom he looks up to and that makes for cuteness and pain) Once you skip the boring or annoying parts of the show, the rest has so much delight, laughter, and oops pain, lots of pain. I want to go re-watch. 

Two other things I should mention about the show: a super soft side romance between secondary characters and a game of, as they call it in the show, HOT SOCCER 

^pretty boy 1 (with the cute elf ear sadly on the other side of his head)

^pretty boy 2 (sad cheekbone bby) and pretty boy 3 (happy cheekbone bby)

^pretty boy 4 (the prettiest of them all, and he knows it!)

^pretty boy 5 (aka Taehyung danced around the set of a historical drama and made everyone adopt him as their bby) 

3. Faith/The Great Doctor: This is a longer kdrama at 24 episodes and they didn’t have much of a budget so special effects aren’t the best or anything but I just got really attached to all the characters? This is another modern girl goes back in time but UNLIKE SHR it actually has a happy ending, so if you need a historical drama cleanse after that tearjerker/enrager, this could be it for you

Eun Soo has to navigate the ancient kingdom, keep people believing she is a heavenly doctor with special powers, and keep Choi Young alive so he can fulfill his promise of returning her to her own time. The problem with that is Choi Young does have kind of a death wish because of reasons—

Eun Soo is a plastic surgeon who would really like a rich handsome husband one day but them’s the breaks for you, aka she has had no luck in that department. Back in ancient Korea, Choi Young (played by Lee Minho in sadly the only role I really love him in) is a high-ranking beloved captain who can fall asleep anywhere. Oh he can also make electricity with his hands! :D

The story begins when the sleepy sad captain tries to escort the new king and queen to their palace. This was during the time period when ancient Korea was basically a puppet kingdom/tributary of ancient China (Yuan). The king (who is very smol and lacks confidence, but still has a good heart for his country) lived as a hostage in Yuan for many years, and his wise tol queen is a princess of that land, and someone needs to sit them down and make them talk because they actually love each other a lot. Anyway, when the queen gets injured by assassins, Choi Young goes searching for a legendary doctor, winds up in modern Korea, and steals both Eun Soo and a SWAT shield, because hey, it looked cool I guess

Lots of fun things in the show: Choi Young has a crew of soldiers who are BEYOND loyal to him, and while he doesn’t think much of the king at first because he’s been burned by kings before, they slowly become bros and shippers on deck for each other. Eun Soo does not lose her spunk or loyalty unlike other people I could mention *cough*HaeSoofromScarletHeartRyeo*, and it cracks me up when she curses people out. There are also a bunch of people (mostly bad guys) running around with special powers or gifts, including a flame lady and a flute boy, and the latter wears delightful anime wigs, keeps his sword in his flute, and plays his flute to kill—literally! I love flute boy very much 

sorry it’s black and white but DO YOU SEE THE SWAT SHIELD

4. My Country: A New Age:

ANGST ANGST ANGST PAAAAAIN BUT ALSO BEST INTRO BEST FAVES BEST ACTORS

Picture this: two young men, who both hail from childhoods of trauma, who grew up together and are best friends, and who are tragically forced apart and end up on opposite sides of a conflict that threatens to upend the current rule of the kingdom. This IS the star-crossed brotp you’ve been waiting for!

Seo Hwi is the son of a general who died a criminal, and all he wants is to live simply and earn enough rice take care of his younger sister, who has seizures and a sweet crush on Hwi’s bestie. Hwi is the best softest most loyal boy with a good and true heart, a great deal of courage, and a talent for wielding a sword, and just wait till you see the best one-shot fight scene ever of him in battle, it is INCREDIBLE! (He is played by Yang Se Jong, who I now want to see more of) Hwi has an abundance of charisma points in that he picks up a small band of loyal soldier friends and they become the best little found family, lots of brotp-ness in this crew—do not mess with any of them because they will all FIGHT you

Seon Ho meanwhile is the illegitimate despised son of a powerful nobleman, only tolerated because the legitimate son died. Seon Ho loves his friend and is very protective of his friend’s little sister who crushes on him but his dad is a high class grade A power-hungry jerk and that causes complications of course. Seon Ho also has a good heart, he’s a gentle soul really, but he always gets stuck in bad positions and unfortunately makes a couple of difficult/bad choices so he hardens himself as much as he can but the consequences always kill him and he just wants to save his friends and destroy his dad and the stupid hierarchy that treats bastards as lesser. WHY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? 

Seon Ho he is played by Woo Do Hwan who has so much talent I die so many times over in this show just because of the way he portrays Seon Ho like that sad sad boy is one of my favorite characters evER! Is he problematic? At times maybe but I am HERE for him he just needs LOVE AND AFFECTION AND AN ABUNDANCE OF GOOD FRIENDS BUT INSTEAD (SOMETIMES THRU HIS OWN FAULT BUT HE ADMITS THAT) HE JUST SUFFERS AND SO I SUFFERRRR

*grabs a towel and dries up my tears*

Hwi also falls in love with a woman named Hui Jae (or was it Hee Jae i can’t remember) and they are very cute together, she’s pretty cool but the show’s one failing is arguably that they kind of underuse her in the plot as the story goes on? But I still like her and she still has a good role, and she is both brave and kind and not afraid to step in or tell people off, also keep a weather eye open for patching up scenes! 

Oh yeah, eVERYONE in this gets hurt/stabbed/shot/bloody, such a shame they have to take their shirts off to clean and bandage the wounds ;)

Last character I must mention is Bang Won, played by Jang Hyuk in his second interpretation of the historical figure. Bang Won is the fifth? son of the guy who becomes emperor/king, and he has his own plans for the country, so when Hwi catches his eye, he recruits him to his cause.  What you need to know about him is that he has issues with his dad, is slightly unhinged, and cannot and should not be parted from the fan that he constantly carries around with him. Gotta say, Jang Hyuk is FANTASTIC (heheheheheheh) in the role, able to convey all kinds of emotion in the rise and fall of his voice, in the tilt of his head, the tears of his eyes, the flick of his fan. Give this actor all the awards! 

To sum up: if you like to cry for days after watching a drama, if you like excellent heart-wrenching brotps, if you like conflicted characters, if you like amazing music and setting and plot, if you like guys with good hair and arm muscles (and 

abs, thank you shirtless scenes what) this show is a Must Watch 

DID I SAY STAR-CROSSED BROTP I MEANT SWORD-CROSSED BROTP ADKJFADLSKJFLKJDFALKDGKLJL </3

~

Ok I was going to leave the historical drama post at this for now but...I’m going to cheat a little and include the one historical C!drama I just finished.Yes folks I am talking about:

5. Nirvana in Fire:

Ok so maybe the switch from kdrama to cdrama makes you uncertain. Maybe the fact that this show has FIFTY-FOUR EPISODES makes you go hell no I don’t have enough time for that. Well if you overlook this show for those reasons, you are making, and I do not exaggerate, the greatest mistake of your show-watching life!

Look, first, this drama has one of the best, most intricate, most satisfying plots in history, with like 20 characters you would die for, and second, the episodes are only about 42 minutes each, which is shorter than most kdrama episodes, so you can deal.

Once upon a time there was a general/family who were just too good to exist in corrupt old China, so naturally they were framed for treason and there was a giant massacre and everybody died, including the eldest prince who was like um dad maybe this is all a horrible mistake and the king was like no u are the mistake. Sad times.

One of the many younger princes named Jing (A NOBLE HEART, if not always the cleverest) returns home from wherever he was, finds out that not only did his prince brother die, but so did his best friend/brother in the whole wide world, Lin Shu, son of the general. Because he insists on the innocence of said bros/family, Jing becomes an outcast prince and is shuffled off to fight in wars where he can’t cause any trouble. Meanwhile, Princess Nihuang, Lin Shu’s brave, awesome, amazing, wise, incredible girlfriend, refuses to marry anyone else, and because she is too cool to be messed with, nobody tries to banish her

Cut to I think eleven years later, when the two most powerful princes are vying to be the crown prince and heir to the throne. They both try to recruit the aid of a renowned clever and sassy strategist named Mei Changsu, to help them with plotting and PR and such.

Well little do they know that Mei Changsu is actually the not-dead Lin Shu, with a completely new face (for reasons), and that Mei Changsu is a chess master setting up a long con for the dual purpose of obtaining revenge/justice for the dead and of raising Prince Jing to the throne, since Prince Jing is the only man with a good enough heart and strong enough will to make China a better place for all the people. But just to make it hard on everybody, Mei Changsu is dead set on not telling anyone who he really is—again, for reasons. He is not always successful in keeping his secret.

I literally don’t know what else to say because there is so MUCH to say, so many characters to love, and I mean LOVE. How do you get a cast this good? How is everyone so different yet so important? How do you feel bad for the emperor even when he’s slimy? How do you have to stop yourself from rooting for the prince who would destroy some of your faves? I can’t praise the charisma and acting talent in this show enough! And the music! IS GORGEOUS!

1 strategist too sassy for his own good and too clever for everyone else’s good + 1 prince who loves his mom and his dead best friend and his dead older brother more than anything else in the world + 1 gentle wise mom + 1 eternally loyal princess who would defend her loved ones with the sword if necessary + 1 sassy Elrond healer man + 1 grumpy sulky baby who loves being a better fighter than almost everyone + 1 loyal to the death, brave badass general who is going to have a stress breakdown if the strategist doesn’t take better care of himself + not 1 but 2 good boys who deserve to be protected but who are willing to throw themselves into battle if necessary + 1 antagonist tiger prince who I love and am not ashamed to say it = THE BEST OF TIMES

^he hardly ever wears his hair down but when he does <33333333

*checks calendar* how soon is too soon rewatch something, asking for a friend

[smile-files]

melon’s comprehensive kinlist!

including name of character, source, image, short personality description, mbti, and then why i kin them! take your time to read, or don’t. i get it if you don’t want to scroll through an entire page just to psychoanalyze me lmao, have a good time

1. wirt (over the garden wall)

an angsty, socially awkward dweebus who nerds out over interior design and plays the clarinet. fears death. infp.

my first kin! for a month after rewatching otgw i desperately wanted to be him. to be like him. anything!! it eventually wore away but i still feel that urge sometimes - the urge to write r/im14andthisisdeep poetry and to distance one’s self from their siblings... and heck - his tape for sara is indeed just as awkward as he is but let me assure you that his poetry and clarinet are actually pretty cool. 9/10 i need to see him more. give me more otgw comics. ok thanks.

2. snufkin (moomins)

a philosophical vagabond of vague age. acts stoic all the time but can and will leave every social situation whether or not it’s humanly possible. infp.

after watching some 90s moomin (and later on moominvalley) i realized how much i liked him and how much i was like him; i soon daydreamed of myself, as snufkin, venting to someone. it made me very happy. i vibe with his general demeanor and ideals (minus his gripes about rules, i follow those by the book) and i love psychoanalyzing him. so fun. so fun.

3. arnold perlstein (the magic school bus)

overly-anxious jewish kid and certified expert on rocks and panicking. owns a pair of fire-proof pyjamas in a lovely shade of green. isfj.

you all saw this one coming. my early childhood lives in my mind rent free and such i can’t help but revisit arn and his character. i’ve always loved him (even in, and quite possibly especially in, the reboot) and i’ve always loved psychoanalyzing every single little thing he does (remember that one time he said he was traumatized? me too). i soon realized a lot of it was me projecting! so sue me. actually, sue miss frizzle. either one of them. i mean, if arnold really didn’t like the field trips he could’ve just filed a restraining order! ...just saying.

4. fluttershy (my little pony)

anxious pastel butterfly baby child. probably loves animals more than she loves herself. cries upon impact. isfj.

the pony i’d mentally point to and think “me”. i had like 10 fluttershy-related things growing up, like plushies or funko pops or that sdcc guardians of harmony thing. while not shy in the same manner, it was nice having a character i could relate to about so much! i cosplayed as her equestria girls form for my first comic con as well, so that’s pretty cool. in addition, me being a little lepidopterist means i was bound to love her. it was destiny~

5. lammy lamb (um jammer lammy)

socially anxious and generally anxious rock star who thinks literally everything is a guitar. has an emotional support girlfriend. infp.

man!! she embodies the feeling when you have to go to the eye doctor by yourself to get your glasses fixed or when you have to call someone over the phone... that sheer tension. the panic. the feeling of ‘i want to throw my entire being into the trash can’. but lammy has a bunch of friends to support her, so she’s cool. died by slipping on a banana peel! same, sister. and man would i like to shred on my ukulele now...

6. loser (bfb)

humble (screw bfb 21), supportive, well-loved cube dude who’s voice is like that of an angel. has an entire fanclub in his honor. enfj.

okay, no, i was never a cool kid or ‘popular’, really, but in school i was never bullied for whatever reason and was generally well-liked; i hung out with a squad of weirdos and yet the cool kids would often talk to me? and try to engage me?? despite my very apparent self-deprecation and awkwardness??? either way i feel like it’s such a blessing to me, that i have so many friends! i often feel like i don’t deserve it, but hey. it’s nice! and heck, back when i was on scratch i had a little fanclub myself :0

7. fan (inanimate insanity)

nerdy, friendly aspie boyo who subliminally vents via blogging. longs for stability in his life; was best friends with an egg. entp.

ever since i noted his aspergers-like behavior i became super attached to him - whether or not it was intentional, i found it nice having a character i can relate those feelings with. he’s really sweet and dorky and i love how he gets along with test tube, paintbrush, and lightbulb! it makes me really happy to see him whenever i do. it made me really sad when he was eliminated. what the heck. yeah i dunno i don’t kin him super strongly but i love him to bits.

8. spinel (steven universe the movie)

emotionally unstable clown girl who stood in a garden for thousands of years. patience of a saint. edge like an 11-year-old me. esfp.

uhh um uh totally wasn’t completely disturbed by how much i related to spinel after watching steven universe the movie... totally wasn’t reminded about how and why i hated middle school... totally didn’t rethink my life that day... that’s it. this is all i’m saying.

9. molly blyndeff (epithet erased)

innocent child who has a terrible father and a wonderful demeanor. teddy bear who needs a hug and a criminal as her new dad. infp.

epithet erased is adorable okay?? i knew molly was infp in the first few minutes... more precisely, i knew she was me. man!! i don’t relate directly to her angst but i still feel it. i can replicate her voice so accurately it’s scary. also, i coined a new thing -  ‘molly cake’! you have a chocolate cake, preferably with chocolate chips inside. use chocolate frosting and add little pastel star sprinkles! on top! my mom would make this cake for us anyway but then i realized it was literally just molly in cake form. and it’s just as sweet!

10. tommy coolatta (hlvrai)

a 30-something-year-old child who rocks a propeller hat. chose his last name off of a dunkin donuts menu despite the fact that he has a father. infp.

everyone loves tommy. he’s so sweet? and funny and loveable?? often times when i say something funny but bizarre, i just remember that tommy has said ‘soda helps you see faster’ and it makes me happy. if i’m going to be a weirdo i want to be the wholesome weirdo who loves soda and has a .png for a dog! also i legally have to kin tommy. i took a test for it (and i’m not complaining! i find it quite flattering).

11. twyla (monster high)

the daughter of the boogeyman; would very much like to boogey out of here, if you know what i mean. avoids people like the plague. infj.

seeing her role in the show and in the movies, i really love twyla? first of all, her voice is my new favorite thing. it’s like... gravelly? and soft? she’s the type of person who would very much like to disappear when in a crowd; thankfully, she literally can. i am drawn to any sarcastic, self-deprecating introvert who takes care of their bonkers extrovert friend (in this case howleen), as i often act as such myself. also the phrase ‘boogey sand’ will never leave my mind now :)

12. lapis lazuli (steven universe)

water gem who wants you to leave. cynical as all heck, sensitive as all hell. is there such thing as a gem therapist? just asking. infp.

in a similar way to twyla, i vibe with lapis’ sarcasm and wit as well as her emotional side. it can be kind of addicting, isolating one’s self. anywho, me and my sister used to do this routine of yelling up to each other this certain dialogue between lapis and peridot when peri was leaving for something (in which lapis replied to everything she said with dry ‘yeah’s); i would always do lapis’ part. i do reply a lot with ‘okay’ or ‘yeah’ or ‘cool’ to things people tell me, as i never really know what to say.

13. brad meltzer (xavier riddle and the secret museum)

shy jewish butterfly kid who absolutely hates time travel. attracted to people who know how to socialize like a normal human being. infp(?).

okay okay so... combine everything from arnold and everything from fluttershy and that’s basically what brad is to me. a jewish socially anxious nerd who loves butterflies and drawing. badabing badaboom, there i am. that’s it.

and boom! all of the kins i can think of, of course not including comfort characters like will byers from stranger things or isabelle from animal crossing. if you have any kins to suggest to me, i would love it! thank you for taking your time to read this, friend! have a fantastic day :)

[drukhari]

This might sound silly but you're kind of a referent here and I need some guidance. How do I get stronger? Like I really want to start getting buff but I don't know where should I begin. I'm not overweight but I'm definitely not fit or athletic, especially after spending so many days at home being sedentary. I want to focus on my back and upper body but I can't do a single pull-up/chin-up nor a push-up. So what exercises should I start with? Can you give me some advice? Thank you so much 💜

None of these questions sound silly at all anon, happy to help however I can 💙

So first off, the disclaimer that since I'm not a physical trainer (or have any formal education when it comes to strength training) I'll be supplementing any information described here with links to more knowledgeable resources who can dig deeper into the details.

Here's a good link to start with for some strength training basic info:

https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/strength-training-101/

You can start building up muscle right at home using bodyweight exercises, and in fact bodyweight workouts are usually recommended as a great place for beginners to start because it allows you to build a base strength level and focus on form, which will reduce the chance of injuries in the future when you might choose to start incorporating equipment like dumbbells or barbells.

With these exercises, your body provides the resistance needed - so you don't have to order any equipment to cycle them into a workout routine. I'd recommend checking out the below links for some good bodyweight exercises to start with, but if you want to check out others as well try Google searching "bodyweight exercises for beginners"!

https://kettlebellsworkouts.com/bodyweight-exercises-for-beginners/

https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/

Don't worry too much if you're not able to hit all the reps that some online resources recommend right from the start - that's perfectly normal and even the strongest body builders started out at that point once. What's important is to simply try and challenge yourself a little bit more incrementally over time, what that looks like in your own routine can vary. If during one workout you're able to do 5 lunges, and then the next time you try again you get to 6? That's forward progress, and you deserve to celebrate that.

The actual MOST important piece of the equation when trying to build muscle isn't even in the gym - it's nutrition and recovery. People can spend years training like a beast in the gym but if their diet is bad then they just straight up will not see the results, and that can be super frustrating especially when you're trying to really build up strength for the first time. It's important to make sure you're getting plenty of protein in your diet so that your body has the fuel it needs to build up those new muscles as you go - and don't buy into anything out there that recommends just completely dropping carbs from your diet. Carbs are a key part of a balanced diet just like proteins and fats are, and your body will require a healthy amount of all three to properly build itself up. Some good sources of each group that I tend to use in my own diet are below, but you're by no means restricted to these - and of course if you have any dietary restrictions that would prevent you from eating certain foods, then you can always do some Google searches for some ideas for substitutes.

Carbs: Oatmeal, whole grain bread, brown rice, whole grain pasta, fresh fruits like apples, bananas and pineapple (tropical fruits in particular can be part of a great recovery snack post-workout)

Protein: Chicken, tuna, turkey, egg whites, Greek yogurt, low fat string cheese, cottage cheese, whey protein powder

Fats: Nuts like almonds or cashews, olive oil, peanut butter (which could also be counted in the protein category!), salad dressings, avocados

This is not by any means an exhaustive list of options, there are a TON out there so I'd definitely recommend checking out at least a few sources to get a feel for what will work best for you. And of course, if you're in a situation where you don't really have that much control over the grocery list or some items just aren't an option, don't sweat it. With nutrition obviously you want to aim for a strong balance, and maximizing protein however you can, but even just working at cutting out excess sugar sources and junk food from your diet in general will go a long way to helping fitness goals.

https://www.verywellfit.com/meal-timing-for-weight-training-3498426

Aside from nutrition, recovery after a workout is crucial. Pre and post-workout stretches will help prevent injuries, and getting a good night's sleep at the end of the day will be super important to help those muscles you worked out during the day to properly recover and grow. When coming up with a workout schedule, you'll want to also make sure that you're not working the same muscle groups on consecutive days because then you're not giving those muscles enough time to recover and you'll inhibit their growth as a result (also risking injury!)

For just starting out, try to aim for doing some exercises 2-3 days out of the week for 20 minutes (though it's ok if you're not able to train for that long early on, it's something to aim for then!), so this way even if you're doing a full body workout (meaning you're doing exercises that target all the different muscle groups instead of just picking one or two groups per day) then you will still have at least 1 down time day between workouts for those muscles to recover.

Now that I've just dropped that huge wall of text (including links with even more text haha) I think I'll wrap things up. Again, I'm by no means an expert and part of the reason I tend to ramble a bit when it comes to fitness advice is because I made a TON of mistakes early on when I was starting my own fitness journey, some that cost literally years of progress, and I don't want other people to encounter those same pitfalls. It can be tough sometimes, especially when you're getting started and you're looking for those gains in the mirror after the first couple of weeks, but don't give up on yourself - as long as you stick with it and keep making moves forward towards where you wanna be, even if those moves are just baby steps some days, then I guarantee you'll get there.

Wishing you the best of luck in your own fitness journey, anon. You've got this! 👍

[bb-bambam]

a decade with jjp

well, here we are at the end of 2019, which means that it’s been a little over 10 years with jjp. this is a compilation i put together of (most of, but definitely not all because i only really went through my blog and my twitter!) the jjp moments we’ve had the privilege of seeing over the past 10 years. i tried to put them vaguely in chronological order, but there were just so many that it was sort of hard to keep track! i hope you find your favorite moments here, and are reminded of some that you’ve forgotten about! (i know i definitely was!)

here’s to a wonderful decade of smiles, laughter, and happiness with our resident soulmates, and we hope for many many more!

predebut

the fateful audition that started it all (x)

bounce era

back in their awkward stages (x)

jaebeom teasing jinyoung (x)

they’ve always matched well (x)

jaebeom’s happy birthday song for jinyoung (x)

jaebeom singing that he loves jinyoung before cracking an egg on his head (at 7:45) (x)

flirting on twitter (x)

jaebeom feeding jinyoung (x)

shopping date (x)

their promise to make a second album (which would eventually come true 5 years later!) (x)

ggg era

jaebeom being soft for jinyoung even when they were on opposing teams (x)

jj dads w their baby youngjae (x)

hugging each other after pretending to fight to prank yugyeom (at 6:50) (x)

their fingers lacing together in a weirdly intimate way (at 13:50) (x)

a era

sharing a shirt in the “a” dance practice videos (x)

being cute in a corner by themselves (x)

jinyoung’s thank you note to jaebeom (x)

flirting during a fan event (x)

never forgetting their roots (x)

stop stop it era

jinyoung comforting jaebeom (x)

holding hands (x)

weird flirting (WHAT was jinyoung looking for?) (x)

jjparents (x)

the time jaebeom manhandled jinyoung to the ground and they both looked way too happy about it (x)

jaebeom exposing himself on instagram and trying to delete the evidence (x)

jinyoung being jaebeom’s (favorite) annoying dongsaeng (x)

not exactly a jjp moment but jackson being a jjp shipper (x)

just right era

jinyoung being extra for no reason (x)

their simpsons couple rings (x)

jaebeom feeding jinyoung (and then licking the same hand?) (x)

jealous jinyoung (x)

mad era

their iconic ceci photoshoot (x)(x)

being cute before the comeback stage (x)

jinyoung flirting with jaebeom (x)

clingy jinyoung (x)

the first sukira game (u all know the one) (x)

and what’s more, jaebeom puckered his lips (x)

this video where they were all over each other (x)

jinyoung declaring jj project as his one and only unit (x)

they aren’t close, they’re deep (x)

jaebeom recognizing jinyoung by touching his hand (x)

jjparents w their babies yugjae (x)

when they almost left jinyoung behind but jaebeom made sure they didn’t (x)

holding hands (x)

jaebeom thirsty (it’s the second tweet in the thread!) (x)

miscellaneous moments (including jinyoung calling jaebeom “jagiya”) (x)

fly era

domesticity in a restaurant and jaebeom feeding jinyoung (x)(x)

checking on each other onstage (also i kind of went off in my tags?? lmao) (x)

communicating w their eyes (x)

jaebeom knowing exactly how jinyoung wants to confess (x)

the second sukira game (including a comparison to the first!) (x)

jaebeom being absolutely whipped and letting jinyoung get away with anything (x)

them being cute and touchy (x)

jinyoung between jaebeom’s legs in the car?!?!?! (x) 

jaebeom helping jinyoung wear his blindfold (x)

the softness in this vlive (x) 

jinyoung being a “ghost” and jaebeom being whipped (x)

a hug for jaebeom for getting a strike (x)

jinyoung being needy (x)

them being domestic in front of everyone on vlive (x)

jj dads w their baby yugyeom (x)

when they went on this show JUST to be domestic (x)

jaebeom thinks jinyoung is the prettiest (and lowkey admitted he likes jinyoung crossdressing?) (x)

unnecessary clinginess (x)

fly tour

jinyoung doing The Most when jaebeom wasn’t there for their concerts (x)(x)(x)(x)

jaebeom watching jinyoung with utter fondness (x)

jinyoung being so incredibly happy to have jaebeom back (x)

jjp on a walmart date (x)

jjp on a pizza date (x)

jjp on a family shopping date w their baby bambam (x)

jjp on a family aquarium date w their baby bambam (x)

hard carry era

this 20 min vlive where it was just them being cuddly (x)(x)

their wedding day (x)

whipped culture on asc (x)

them being…like This at a fan event (x)

bookworm boyfriends (x)

communicating w their eyes (again) (x)

jaebeom singing prove it to jinyoung (that song was written for jinyoung ok) (x)

jaebeom LOOKING DIRECTLY AT JINYOUNG while talking about marriage (!!!!!!!) (x)

jjp describing each other as their ideal type (x)

the start of jinyoung calling jaebeom “jaebeommie” (x)

jinyoung demanding appreciation from jaebeom (x)

jjp talking about their feelings when jaebeom was injured (x)

sharing an umbrella (x)

i just really love this pic. jinyoung adores jaebeom so much (x)

jjp soulmates confirmed by mbti (x)

no one knows jaebeom like jinyoung does (x)

more couple rings (x)

in their own world (x)

jinyoung singing happy birthday to jaebeom (x)

jinyoung thinks jaebeom is the most handsome (x)

jaebeom telling jinyoung to sit on his lap (x)

again…them in their own world (and the lip thing) (x)(x)

this fanmeeting skit (x)

singing “my home” to each other (x)

never ever era

touchy at the airport (x)

their embarrassing moments are shared because their pasts are just too intertwined (x)

jaebeom touching The Butt (x)

jinyoung biting jaebeom’s cheek (x)

soft touches at a radio show (x)

jackson calling them out (x)

jaebeom again letting jinyoung be informal (x)

jinyoung doesn’t match with anyone but jaebeom (x)

bambam instigating jjp moments (x)

jinyoung always takes care of jaebeom (x)

they share shampoo (even though it’s not okay when mark uses it) (x)

coffee date (x)

yugyeom facetiming his dads (x)

they ACTUALLY almost kissed (x)

whatever THIS was (x)

jaebeom playing with the holes in jinyoung’s jeans (x)

jaebeom losing suspiciously easily to jinyoung at a bar battle (x)

jaebeom letting jinyoung win at arm wrestling (x)

jaebeom recognizing jinyoung from touching his butt (x)

jaebeom thinks jinyoung is the funniest man alive (x)

verse 2 era (<33333)

they filmed in hokkaido which is a place jinyoung always wanted to visit (x)

cuties talking on the phone (x)

this whole interview (x)

jjp in the bathroom then vs jjp in the bathroom now (x)

they’re just so soft (x)

tomorrow today (stream verse 2 and this mv!!) (x)

the iconic mirror choreo (x)

holding hands and looking super happy about it (x)

jj project is jinyoung’s home-like space (x)

their tombstones will be side by side (x)

they can’t keep their eyes off each other (x)

the depth of their relationship is just…wow (x)

jealous jaebeom (x)

photographer bfs (x)

always complimenting each other (x)

jinyoung being jaebeom’s favorite dongsaeng (x)

they drink together (x)

talking about soulmates (little did we know what jaebeom would do 2 years later…) (x)

their special relationship (x)

marriage (x)

their shared bookshelf (x)

kings of domesticity (x)

jinyoung is jaebeom’s cat (x)

jaebeom inviting jinyoung into his room (and jinyoung loving his cats!) (x)

even more couple rings (x)

jaebeom calls jinyoung “youngie” confirmed (x)

jackson telling us what we already knew (x)

jjp’s photo essay (x)

7 for 7 era

the jjp imagery in the you are mv (x)

clingy jinyoung part 43762 (x)

jinyoung getting away with everything as usual (x)

idk what THIS was but (x)

jinyoung being incapable of shutting up about jaebeom while he was in the jungle (x)(x)

jaebeom getting hot and bothered bc of jinyoung on camera (x)

these cute pictures (x)

always always in their own world (x)

jaebeom serenading jinyoung with “face” (x)

editors always acknowledge the soulmates (x)

lest we forget: jaebeom looked at jinyoung like THIS in the middle of running a food truck (x)(x)

eyes on you era

jinyoung recognizing jaebeom by touching his ear (x)

jaebeom recognizing jinyoung by touching his chin (x)

jinyoung can do ANYTHING (x)(x)

jjp married (x)(x)

jaebeom getting flustered (x)

this little thing they always do when they perform “look” (x)

jjp domestic (x)

jinyoung loves nora okay (x)

ice cream date (x)

they really want each other to strip (x)

informal jinyoung again (x)

they’re just so. soft (x)

always looking out for each other (x)

they love taking pictures of each other (x)

miscellaneous moments (x)

eyes on you tour

jjp on a paris date (x)

jjp dancing together in nyc (x)(x)

secret flirting onstage (x)

jaebeom checking out jinyoung’s entire butt (x)

miscellaneous moments (x)

lullaby era

don’t send them anywhere together (x)

complementary rings (x)

business as usual for them (x)

jaebeom staking his claim on jinyoung’s birthday (x)

looking at each other (and doing the lip thing!) as yugyeom talks about first loves (x)

jinyoung does not fear jaebeom at all (x)

jaebeom cannot lie to jinyoung (x)

miracle era

onstage flirting (x)

jinyoung’s fave songs are the ones jaebeom writes (x)

they make each other soooo happy (x)

one of my favorite sets of pictures ever (x)

literally married (x)

literally married pt 2 (x)

jinyoung through jaebeom’s eyes (x)

JB GA DAISUKI (x)

jinyoung waiting for jaebeom (x)

another serenade courtesy of jaebeom (x)

jaebeom being a (probably) biased ref (x)

jinyoung can talk to jaebeom about anything and jaebeom wants to have his last meal w jinyoung (x)

another ice cream date (x)

jj handshake #847348 (x)

focus on me era

happy to be together in the airport just before jus2 promotions and jinyoung’s drama (x)(x)

jaebeom making the jus2 showcase a jjp event for some reason (x)(x)(x)

jaebeom turning jus2 promotions into a jj project promotion period for some reason (x)(x)(x)

needy jaebeom (x)

finally reunited! (x)

eclipse era

jinyoung gives jaebeom a sense of security (x)

jaebeom’s cheeks are too cute (x)

eyes always on each other (x)

jinyoung getting away with informality part 397843 (x)

THEY’RE! SO! SOFT! (x)

hugs! (x)

jaebeom said jj project is forever (x)

bambam supports! (x)

jjp on the best friends episode of plof together (x)(x)

jjp on radio apart (x)

jaebeom likes being in jinyoung’s arms (x)

their got2day which was just them being soft (x)

JJP SOULMATES (!!!!!!!!) (x)

keep spinning tour

flirting onstage again (x)

they know everything about each other (ft. an interview from 2018!) (x)

holding hands at the airport (x)

it was fitting that they were chosen to make up a handshake (x)

very close at the airport (x)

giggly and tipsy (x)

thailand always gives us the moments we deserve (x)

selfie time! (x)

jaebeom always looking after jinyoung (he wasn’t feeling well that day) (x)

jaebeom being smug abt having jinyoung all to himself (x)

sharing secrets onstage (x)

ycmn era

jaebeom leading jinyoung offstage (x)

jinyoung being clingy again (x)

pda as usual (x)

everyone ships it (x)

jinyoung thirsty (x)

wanting to be with each other after got7′s first daesang win (x)(x)(x)

possessive jaebeom at the mamas (x)

jinyoung teasing jaebeom and jaebeom being whipped (x)

clingy jaebeom (x)

so smiley (x)

clingy clingy (x)

softest in the world (x)(x)

flustering each other (x)

jinyoung cute jaebeom sexy (x)

photographer bfs again (x)

jaebeom wants jinyoung all to himself (x)

actually what was going on w them on this day (x)

spending 10 years together looks like this (x)

dramas

dream knight (x)

dream high vs. dream knight (the tension…) (x)

when a man loves (x)(x)

compilation (x)

unknown/multiple eras

jjp are happiest with each other (x)

sharing secrets (x)

the happiness they get from each other… (x)

jinyoung being jaebeom’s fave dongsaeng (x)

sharing a jacket (x)

sharing a sweater (x)

compilations and miscellaneous stuff

compilation of jjp just knowing it’s the other (including by touching jaebeom’s inner lip…) (x)

compilation of jinyoung vs. jaebeom battles that jinyoung always wins (bc jaebeom is whipped?) (x)

compilation of jaebeom laughing bc of jinyoung (x)

compilation of pics of each other (x)

compilation of jaebeom being literally incapable of controlling himself (x)

compilation of all their “kisses” (x)

miscellaneous moments (x)

miscellaneous soft moments (x)

miscellaneous underrated moments (x)

and last but absolutely not least, this submitted list of further jjp nonsense (x)

[thetiredbiwrites]

Fabulous, Darling

Requested by @megaduppi​ “Hiya lovely! I was wondering if I could request a Seb x reader where they are stuck together in Sebs apartment because of quarantine and they start doing random things like Seb giving in to the reader and letting her do his make up and him looking completely fabulous? It can be funny and fluffy I am honestly craving it”

A/N: Thank you for the request 💖💖 hope you don’t mind, but I’m not entirely comfortable writing for the actors, nothing against anyone who does. So I made this a Bucky x Reader instead and they’re stuck in their shared apartment. It’s more fluffy than funny.

A/N2: I don’t know a lot about make-up. I can do basic (what is contouring?😂). So it’s pretty vague about what make-up she does and more from Bucky pov

5 weeks. 5 weeks you had been stuck in your apartment.

You were proud of your home. How you’d decorated, the layout and colours- the way you made it your own. But seeing the same crap everyday, the same rooms and nothing else, God, you were sick of it.

The urge to redecorate grew every day. The online shopping and endless scrolling through pinterest in boredom didn’t help.

The first week had been productive, making you feel good and enjoy the time. Time to spend with Bucky and doing everything you put off or didn’t have time for because of work. The two of you had tided and cleaned every room, sorted through all your clothes and shoes and reorganised the kitchen cupboards.

Now there’s nothing left to do.

Meaning whenever you thought of something to do, or came across ideas on various social medias or online shopping, you did it.

Bucky rarely said no to you and he certainly didn’t start now. He was just as bored and desperate for something to do.

This meant that when you asked for his special pancakes at midnight, he made the damn pancakes. You both sat together in your pjs watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and eating a stack of pancakes covered in syrup and toppings until 2 in the morning.

When you gave into the urge and decided to rearrange the living room, he just smiled and went along with it. Helping you move every piece of furniture and arranging all your photos and nick-nacks. A heated debate about how to order the DVDs broke out.

You won.

He had insisted the two of you stay fit, keep exercising, every day. Especially with all the snacking and pancakes you both ate. So when you declared a Just Dance competition, he danced like he never had before.

Ok, so making the prize sex-related definitely aided his decision and pushed him to beat you.

But even he had to admit, after 5 weeks, sex wasn’t that exciting and most of the time, neither of you were particularly in the mood.

Which is how you ended up feeling like grandparents one day, doing a 1500 piece jigsaw while soft music played in the background.

“Uugh, these pieces are all the same colour!”

“You just have to be patient. We’ll get there.”

“I have been patient, Bucky. I’ve been patient for 5 hours and we’re not even half done. Don’t laugh at me.”

Bucky finished the puzzle as you gave up and baked cookies instead.

More than once, Bucky somehow found himself sitting on the floor with you on the sofa behind him, doing his hair.

You practiced different kind of plaits and other basic styles to trying out more intricate styles. Although you did resist buying flowers and bows to put in his hair.

The day you curled his hair had left you in a fit of laughter until you couldn’t breathe. Plaiting his hair did leave it wavy, which, depending on the type, looked pretty good. But he could still tie it back into a low bun when that happened.

Bucky, however, wasn’t amused. Especially after you took a photo and sent it to the group chat. Bucky had immediately showered, letting his hair go back to normal after that one.

The last couple of days, you had a new idea. One Bucky didn’t agree with.

He drew the line at you doing full make up on him.

It’s not that he thought men shouldn’t wear make-up. You had painted his nails a few days ago and he approved of the sparkly red. He had kept them that way, even when he did the weekly shop.

No-one had commented but at a time like this, who was going to care about a man’s painted nails. But even when it’s normal he wouldn’t have taken it off.

Well, if Sam wasn’t around anyway. He wouldn’t be caught dead with painted nails, especially sparkly red ones, around Sam.

Sam wasn’t against men wearing make-up either. Hell, if Steve or Tony, or any of the guys really, showed up with nails painted, he’d compliment them. Probably in a jokey manner, but compliment none the less.

Bucky, though, would never hear the end of it. It’s just how their relationship went.

He’d do the same back. Bucky could pretend he wouldn’t. But he would.

By day three, Bucky felt his resolve crumbling. He tried thinking of reasons why he didn’t want to do it but couldn’t actually think of any. But the thought of wearing make-up didn’t agree with him.

But those big y/e/c eyes staring up at him and the pout on your lips, akin to that of Puss-in-Boots, was making it hard to say no. Especially when he didn’t have any reasons against it.

He made it through the morning but by 2pm he found himself yet again sat on the living room floor, legs crossed. His fingers tapping against his legs as he contemplates running until you give up on the idea. But where the hell is he going to go? There’s only so long he could stay locked in their only bathroom.

This time you were also sat on the floor, legs crossed and facing him. You were aware of Bucky’s nervousness but you knew, well, you were 95% sure that once it was done, Bucky would realise it’s fine. If he didn’t, he can take it off straight away. It was just the two of you so it shouldn’t be a problem.

You knew his limits. This meant you’d lightly push him into letting you do this, but if he really didn’t agree, if it ended badly, you wouldn’t sent a photo to the group. You wouldn’t even take one. The two of you knew each other well enough to know these limits in various situations and not cross them.

For now, you had collected everything you needed from the bedroom and started laying it out on the floor. You faced the mirror away from Bucky so he couldn’t look until you had finished.

Bucky’s eyes flicked across the products as you laid them out. Noting all the liquids and powders, brushes, some foam egg thing, and… is that a pencil?

“How much stuff do you need? That’s a lot of products. Why are there so many brushes? I know make-up is like art but I thought you were just doing something basic and simple, y/n? Y/N, please, don’t make me do this.”

Bucky’s complaining stayed in his head as he looked up at your bright eyes and kind smile, his mouth closing as the words died, forming a pout instead.

“While you do look so adorable,” you lightly grabbed his chin in one hand, smushing his lips together. “Quit you pouting. It’s gonna be fine.”

Bucky’s eyebrow raised, biting the inside of his lip, his eyes flicked between everything on the floor and your face.

“Bucky, baby. You got nothing to be nervous about. Besides, it’s not like anyone is going to see or know.”

Bucky slightly nodded his head to the side, grunting in agreement but clearly still unsure.

“Specifically Sam, he doesn’t have to know anything. You’re on your own with him. I mean, if anyone else dared to say anything, I would tell them to grow up. It’s 2020. If a guy wants to wear make-up, let him wear the damn make-up. Many of them are better than me, although let’s be honest that’s not too hard, and it’s makes me jealous. Who taught you?! Can you teach me? They look amazing.”

Once Bucky cracked a grin, huffing a laugh, you clapped your hands and picked up the first product. You had rooted through your stock to find foundations that were the closest to his skin tone and found some you had kept after your friend had stayed a few months back.

“Let’s get started” you wiggled your eyebrows and Bucky felt himself relax. Not entirely, but enough to sit still and let you work.

Bucky wished some of his girlfriend’s excitement and enthusiasm would pass to him. As you added more and more to his face, he felt his nerves increasing again.

The feeling of your hand softly resting against his skin, from his neck to his face, as your other gently moved brushes and product across his face was, admittedly, a great feeling. You relaxed him and the touches were light and soothing.

Yet his heart still beat a little too quickly and his head continued overthinking.

He felt guilty for being so worried. He’s watched you do your own and your friend’s make-up many times over the last few years. But he still couldn’t help the image of a clown or a kid who got into mummy’s make-up from being projected in his head.

As you asked him to close his eyes, he tried to think of something else and his mind ran with the image of a little kid covered in make-up. Except it was your kid who had gotten their little hands on all these products.

He could hear your laughter as you came upon the scene. The way your kid would smile, wide and toothy, like their mothers, as you took a photo. Bucky could see you cleaning the little one up before teaching them how to do it properly.

Bucky’s mind couldn’t stray from this path and as he heard you humming a song he didn’t know, another picture developed.

On your face was a beaming smile, love pouring from your eyes and a soft glow surrounding you from the sun through the window as you softly sang to the small bundle in your arms. A little hand reaching out from the material as Bucky approached and wrapping around his finger.

Bucky saw himself chasing after your young son, smiling at the loud and carefree laughter leaving the little boy as he caught him and subjected him to tickles.

Learning all those hairstyles you subjected him to this past month so he could do them for your daughter. Her hair like his but eyes like yours, shining bright and paired with a smile when he’d finish. Her little arms wrapping around his neck and hugging as tight as her little body could.

Bucky focused back on the present when he heard you sigh. Realisation flashing across your face as you shot up and ran towards the bedroom.

“Don’t look!” you yelled across rooms and his hand retreated, holding it close to his chest like he’d touched fire and abandoning the mirror sat inches from him.

The mischievous grin on your face paired with the glint in your eyes had Bucky worrying again. Noting your hands behind your back, hiding something from his view, had his heart rate picking up. Again.

His eyes reluctantly closed when you asked and he tried not to flinch as you touched his face, giggling as you did.

“Ok, all done. You can look now.” You announced, holding up the mirror.

This time it was your heart racing, becoming restless the longer the silence stretched. Bucky’s eyes glued to his reflection, wide eyed and jaw dropped, his entire body frozen.

You began to worry you had pushed him too far.

“You hate it. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you-“ “No, no,” he cut you off, large hand resting over yours as he finally took his eyes off his reflection. “No, I don’t hate it, actually. You know, I really like this colour.”

A smile spread across your face, huffing a laugh as Bucky batted his eyes, referring to his eyeshadow.

He looked back at the mirror, moving his head to inspect different angles.

“Glitter’s a bit much though, don’t you think?”

“Nope. You look fabulous, darling!” Bucky laughing at your over-the-top British accent.

“Am I pretty?”

“Oh, baby, you are the prettiest.”

“Well then, I guess I better share.”

You only caught a glimpse of the devious smile before your boyfriend launched at you, knocking you on your back.

Laughter bounced off the walls as Bucky pinned you down and rubbed his beard all over you, covering you in red glitter (matching his nails, of course).

“No, wait stop! I wanted to take a photo first!”

---------

A/N: I have an instagram (@/elberex). I was thinking of posting sneak peaks on there? 🤔🤔

[crystaljins]

Take a chance. | 04

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 11.6K

Synopsis:   You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Hanahaki!au

Notes: LOL i forgot to put an author’s note! THanks for reading and hope you enjoy what I think is the most entertaining chapter of this fic 

Warnings: Angst. Graphic depictions of vomiting. Mentions of illness and death.

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

“How was your sleep?” Taehyung asks you cheerily over breakfast the next morning. You had been unable to rouse Jungkook, and had simply given up and left him to keep sleeping until checkout time. He had looked oddly adorable, curled up in the blanket and his face relaxed and peaceful. Something in your chest had hurt at the sight and you’d decided that a bit of extra sleep was good for him in his condition. Beside Taehyung, Minah is half-asleep, looking significantly less perky and cheerful than she usually does. She’s almost dead to the world as she robotically raises a forkful of eggs to her mouth.

“It was fine.” You say with a smile. It was more than fine- you had a wonderful time with Jungkook the night before. Even just the recollection of lying shoulder to shoulder with him makes you want to smile. Perhaps for the first time, you don’t regret agreeing to plan this wedding. You’re in such a good mood it would take a lot to drag you down right now. “I very rarely accompany clients on their overnight trips, so it was nice to mix things up a little.”

“Jungkook didn’t kick you or anything? When we had sleepovers when we were kids, he had this atrocious habit of sleepwalking.” Taehyung says, chuckling fondly at the memory. You bite back a smile as you picture it yourself.

“I can imagine that would have been very stressful.” You comfort him and he shakes his head. He jerks his fork in the direction of his near-comatose fiancée. “My brother used to sleepwalk, so we had to lock all the doors every night or he’d end up down the street.”

“It was, but I’m used to it- Kook and Minah are poor sleepers. She kicks the covers everywhere and there’s been a few times we’ve had to go to the ER because she’s fallen off the bed and hit her head.” Taehyung complains. “I feel like most of my teenage years were spent babysitting these two.”

That drags out a genuine laugh from you, but you also find yourself bubbling with curiosity.

“The three of you seem so close.” You comment, wondering how to word your question without giving away what you know. “It must have been strange for Jungkook, to have his two best friends suddenly in a relationship.”

Taehyung’s expression darkens and he begins to roll a grape around his plate using his fork.

“It was.” He says, though his tone is slightly guarded. “It was actually one of the biggest obstacles to us being together- we’re the only family Kook has left, and I guess we were both scared that he’d feel like he was no longer welcome if we were to be together.”

You bite your lip contemplatively. Minah has nodded off and is now slumped against the table while lightly snoring.

“How… how did you overcome that?” You ask. Only because you know that inadvertently they’d done exactly what they were afraid of doing. Looking and Minah and Taehyung, you realise the true tragedy of their situation- as much as they love each other, was there ever a way for them to be together without hurting Jungkook? And the reality is so much worse than they could have ever imagined- they probably hadn’t even considered Hanahaki as a possible outcome, considering it’s not the most common disease in the world. Perhaps they wouldn’t be together if they’d known.

“Hmmm…” Taehyung ponders. “It certainly wasn’t easy. Every time I thought ���She’s the only one for me’, I’d just remember Jungkook and I wouldn’t be able to say anything to her. I felt so strongly though… and I took a chance. And I guess it all worked out, because here we are.” His smile is peaceful and filled with an unbridled joy that makes your heart ache. In answer, the smile you’d had slides off your face. The good mood you’d found yourself in evaporates like mist on a warm day.

Taehyung and Minah both have no idea that currently their happiness is balanced on the edge of a knife. If Jungkook’s condition worsens, or if one day they stumble upon him in one of his weaker moments… They won’t go through with their wedding. It’s something you realise as Taehyung moves on to fondly recount the time that he broke his arm and both Jungkook and Minah had cried the whole way to the hospital. They love Jungkook. You’ve seen it over the past month and you’re seeing it now in the way that Taehyung talks. And if they were to ever know the truth, they’d be forced to choose: Each other, or Jungkook. What sort of choice is that, to be forced to make?

That’s what Jungkook has been trying to prevent this entire time, you realise. That’s why he’s been slowly letting himself die- for the happiness of these two people. You feel sick- though it’s with good intentions, you’re both lying to these people. And yet the alternative is breaking up a trio of friends who have been together since they were kids. Who have faced the difficulties of life together and plan to continue facing them together. And Jungkook is your friend, your co-worker, your friend, and your colleague, and the man who helped you pick yourself up when you had hit rock bottom all those years ago. His happiness and health is what is important to you and now he is the ticking time bomb at the centre of it all, ready to go off at any moment.  Unless…

“Are you ok?” Taehyung asks, interrupting your train of thought and leaning forward in concern. “You suddenly look really pale.”

You flinch and school your features into a practiced smile, the one you reserve for difficult clients. And aren’t these two the most difficult clients you’ve ever had? You clear your throat.

“I’m fine. I just bit my tongue.” You lie smoothly. You get to your feet and nearly knock your juice over. “Shall we get going? We have a lot to do.” You urge. “I’ll go wake Jungkook.”

Taehyung nods and smiles, opting to stay with Minah as she sleepily finishes her breakfast. It is only when you are safely out of view that you let the smile on your face crack. You’ve realised something, though. You have to help Jungkook. You can’t explain the compulsion to do so- you just remember his face last night as he had smiled at you and you are gripped with desperation. And there is a method, a solution to this whole complex situation that can prevent anyone from being hurt:

If Jungkook can get better without forgetting Minah.

++

When you’d asked Jungkook if he could come by your apartment on your first day off after the trip, he’d thought it was to celebrate Minah and Taehyung finally booking a venue. He knows it had been a harrowing few weeks with the two being so indecisive, and after seeing the layout of the garden, he’d known it was because of him that they’d been so difficult. Perhaps you’d been feeling guilty towards him- you’d been a bit strange after that night he’d declared the two of you friends. You hadn’t treated him any differently, or anything extreme like that, you’d just been distracted. It makes him fearful that maybe he crossed some sort of boundary by trying to be your friend. But whatever the reason, he’d assumed you’d sorted it when you asked him to come over, and he’d even brought along some food as a peacekeeping technique for good measure.

But when you open the door, you look like you’re anything but celebrating. In five years, Jungkook has never seen you anything less than pristine. Hair and makeup done, pantsuit ironed, office in order and perfectly punctual. He’s always felt a little embarrassed, what with his messy hair and stained business shirts, standing next to you because somehow, you’ve always been so put together. But currently, you’re the messy one. Your hair is unwashed and pulled into a messy bun that can’t contain all the strands, you’re wearing an old, faded tshirt with ketchup stains on it, you don’t have any makeup on and your apartment. He can only just glimpse it behind your figure, but it looks like a hurricane has gone through it.

“Are you… ok?” Jungkook asks when he finally recovers from the shock. You glance behind you and frown, like you hadn’t even noticed it.

“I’m fine.” You say dismissively, leading him into the living room of your apartment. You have the Netflix selection screen open, but it doesn’t look like you were watching anything. Mostly because of the papers scattered across every flat surface of your living room, on the coffee table, on the couch, spread across the floor. “I have something to say to you.”

Jungkook stares incredulously at the mess around him. Being organised and neat and a little cute about it has always been your thing, as a wedding planner. You were the kind of person to use those pink paperclip hearts instead of normal ones and to have a string of bunting decorating your office for no reason other than the aesthetics. Something must be seriously wrong for your apartment to be like this.

“Is it that you were abducted by aliens?” He questions. “Did you want to induce me into the weird cult you’ve joined?”

You snort and shake your head- he’s noticed you’re a little more playful and less guarded around him since becoming friends. As his boss, you were warm but always professional, a little too serious for your own good, but as his friend you smile a lot more and are more receptive to his jokes. It’s… nice. Unexpected but nice.

“No.” You blink and then look around as if registering the state your apartment is in for the first time. “Although… I can kind of see why you’d think that. No, these are papers that Namjoon sent me.”

“Your brother?” Jungkook asks, setting down the plastic bag of snacks on top of a stack of papers resting on the coffee table. “Why is he sending you papers? Are you considering another career change?”

He gathers a stack of papers on the couch and pushes it aside so that he can settle comfortably amongst the cushions. As he does, he glimpses the title of one- ‘A retrospective review of 162 individuals with Hanahaki treated with cognitive therapy’. He squints at it uncomprehendingly for a moment before waving the paper at you.

“You’re researching… Hanahaki?” He questions, though internally he feels uneasy. He’s not sure why- just the thought of you worrying about his disease when it’s supposed to be his problem makes him feel deeply uncomfortable. You seem to pick up on his concern.

“I wanted to see if there was any other way for you to be cured.” You confess.

He understands- he does. He totally gets and appreciates that you’re trying to help him, but he went down that path when he was first diagnosed. He had visited doctors in secret, begging them for a way to be cured without anyone ever discovering the truth. They’d all, after a cursory physical exam and history, had explained that he would likely need some very aggressive therapy to be cured, and recommended hypnotherapy as the quickest and most painless way of doing so. Apparently forgetting Minah was the only way for the disease to lose its grip on him.

“(Y/N),” He says softly, prepared to break the bad news, news that he’d already accepted a year ago after his fourth doctor’s visit. “You know I can’t forget her…” He tries to explain to you gently, and you shake your head.

“Wait, wait.” You protest. “I know that. And I know why you can’t.” You tell him rapidly, and then you’re moving frantically around the room, sorting through the papers. You’re clearly looking for something. “But I know that it wouldn’t make them happy to know you were suffering either, and that’s so not what you want for them, I’m sure.” You continue to explain. You scuttle over to the paper stack next to his legs and begin shuffling through them. “So I spoke to Namjoon, to see if there was any way for you to be treated, and he said, hypothetically, that if you fell out of love with Minah, then you wouldn’t have to forget her. He said that conservative therapy is supposed to do that and that’s his aim with your treatment, but there’s no harm in trying other, less medical methods as treatment since Hanahaki doesn’t have a physical cause.”

You pause there, distracted by what’s written on the haphazardly scattered sheets. Jungkook feels a strange feeling, watching you sit amongst the mess you had made for him. Perhaps… gratefulness? It’s difficult to find a name for the almost fond feeling he’s experiencing.

“So then what’s with the mess?” He finally asks, aware of the way he feels like there’s something buzzing in his stomach. You pause and squint at him.

“Well, I was trying to prove that it could be done- that if we could hypothetically help you get over Minah, then you wouldn’t have to forget her.” You explain. “And there’s a lot of debate whether it can be done because everything about this disease is so poorly understood and human feelings of love are so complex and probably one of the greatest mysteries of life.” You finally produce a single paper from the stack and brandish it triumphantly. “Here it is!” You cry. “There is one instance of someone recovering spontaneously from Hanahaki. The general academic opinion is that because Hanahaki is rare enough, and humans are so complex, the only effective way to ensure all romantic feelings are removed - which is the duty of a doctor treating a patient- is through the existing treatment options. But some individuals are capable of getting over someone completely without treatment. There’s even speculation that the incidence of Hanahaki may be much higher than suspected because the early stages where it’s just one or two petals and people get over the feelings that cause it quickly enough that they don’t bother to go to the doctor.” You explain, almost breathlessly. It’s difficult to understand your words because you’re speaking so quickly- he registers the presence of numerous mugs with coffee stains on the insides of the brims and the way your hands shake slightly with a caffeine high.

“Did you stay up all night?” He asks. He’d assumed the dark circles under your eyes were just him being unused to you without makeup, but now he’s not so sure. Maybe your unkempt appearance is for an entirely different reason.

“Maybe.” You admit, but you wave your hand in a dismissive manner and begin to skim through the paper you’d finally found. “That’s not important. What’s important is that this man, in this article, proves that it can be done. That you can be cured without complete ruining Minah and Taehyung’s wedding.”

You always seem to have this unique ability to render him speechless. He’s quiet by nature, often opting to remain silent in a situation that he could be speaking up in, but it’s not because he has nothing to say. More often it’s that he’s holding back what he’s actually thinking. But with you, you seem to tear the very ability to speak from his mouth. He never knows what you’re going to do or how you’re going to react to something. And this is one of those moments- like he suddenly has a mouthful of ice, no words will come.

Instead, he feels something. Warm and bright and enlivening- hope. He hadn’t realised how the Hanahaki had made every bone in his body feel like it had been turned to ice until this exact moment, where heat floods his entire being from his chest all the way out to his fingertips.

“It won’t be easy, and it’s not 100%.” You hastily amend, seeing the way that Jungkook has gone deathly quiet. “It’s a shot in the dark, but it’s better than nothing. And these aren’t substitutes for your sessions with Namjoon, either. Think of it like a side project or homework from Namjoon’s sessions.”

“What are you suggesting we do though?” He asks, and his voice has dropped to a breathless rasp.

You smile in response and produce a printed webpage from the top of another stack of papers- it’s a wikihow article. In bold letters across the top it declares How to get over your ex. Jungkook stares at it in confusion for a moment before accepting it from your hands.

“Recovering from a breakup is always hard.” He reads aloud. “There’s always a lot of emotional baggage to deal with and it can be hard to bounce back… This is supposed to help me get better?”

“It helped me.” You admit, and there’s a slight pout to your lips that is surprisingly charming and yet completely at odds with what he’s known of you, as a proper, put-together business woman. “When… when he broke up with me. I used that article to get over him.”

Jungkook knows who the he is, of course. Your ex-fiancé. When you first met him, you’d talked about the guy. You’d shared stories absent-mindedly as you cleaned glasses and mixed drinks while he sulked at the bar counter. It was a relatively quiet bar and he was unemployed at the time, so he had been there almost every night, avoiding Minah, not wanting to face Taehyung’s nagging, and just generally feeling sorry for himself and his inability to find a job. You’d never seemed sad or bitter about it- there had always been a fond nostalgia as you recalled the man in question, despite the freshness of the breakup. For five years it has never occurred to him that maybe you hadn’t gotten over things as easily as he thought you had, and for five years he’s never thought to ask.

“Did… did it work?” He asks. You stare at the article, squinting at it like you’re unsure.

“Well… I suppose it must have.” Is what you say. “Because I don’t feel sad when I think about him anymore.”

That makes Jungkook smile for reasons he’s not sure of. It also makes him think- maybe following the instruction in a wikihow article won’t be so bad, if it’s with you.

“What’s the first step, then?” He asks. You smile brightly and gesture to the Netflix selection screen.

Step 1: Let yourself grieve and process the emotions properly

Too often we force ourselves to move on too quickly. If we don’t allow ourselves to properly grieve then it is difficult to find closure after a breakup. Buy yourself your favourite foods, make a nice cosy spot for yourself at home, and let yourself have a good cry. If you can’t cry on your own, maybe watching sad movies will help you get it out.

A few hours and one quick clean-up of your living space later, Jungkook finds himself blinking in confusion at the credit’s scene. He’d had his doubts when you first suggested you watch Cars together, since it didn’t sound like it would be a sad movie. But he’d also never seen the movie before and had had to take your word for it. It was a good movie, with emotional moments for sure, but it definitely didn’t fall into the category of ‘sad’. It had been a poor plan from the start- he’s not really the type to cry in movies, anyway.

He turns to where you’re seated beside him on the couch, prepared to tell you as much. But he finds the words dying in his throat as he registers your facial expression. You’re devastated- tears pour down your face. Your expression is scrunched like he just told you that your cat died. It’s so baffling, that someone like you would be so torn up over a kid’s movie.

For moment, he can only stare in wonder. You’re such an enigma- one moment you’re a firm, no-nonsense businesswoman, the next you’re the kind of person who genuinely cries in movies and uses gel pen in her planner because it looks cuter. He takes in the way your face is twisted and tears continue to roll down your cheeks. But then suddenly you’re turning to look at him and he flinches away, hiding his face before you can see the expression. 

“Well?” You ask him. “How do you feel? Was having a cry therapeutic? Was it a sad movie? I think for me the race scene is always what gets me.” At that last sentence your voice chokes up and he knows even without looking that a fresh wave of tears has rolled down your face.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he does what he does next. There’s literally not a single rational reason for his next move but it happens- he releases a fake sniffle. He’s facing away from you, but if he were to turn around, he knows the glow of the television would give away the fact that there’s no tears on his face. He makes a point of exaggeratedly wiping at the non-existent tears on his face. 

“It was.” He rasps. He should win an Oscar for his acting. “Thank you, (Y/N).” He adds in another sniffle for good measure.

He’s surprised when he feels your arms snake around his middle and feels your cheek rest against his back, right between his shoulder blades. Your body is warm where it presses softly against him and he feels his face heat for some reason. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed for crying, Jungkook.” You tell him and he feels the vibrations of your voice against him. “Especially not in front of me.”

“Thank you.” Is all he says. And in the darkness, you never do discover Jungkook’s deception or that the first step in your plan was a failure. But you also never get to see the way a warm, fond smile spreads across Jungkook’s face.

++

“ Step 2: Remind yourself that you have options

While it’s very important that you avoid rebounding fresh after a breakup, it’s important too to remind yourself that you have options. Build self-confidence. This may involve dressing up nicely and going out with friends. Whatever makes you feel attractive and comfortable in your skin. A breakup may leave you with questions like “Is there something wrong with me?” or “Am I not worthy of them?” And these questions can be harmful and hurtful to ask yourself. Instead, remember that you are worthy of love, and that someone out there would be lucky to have you. “

Jungkook reads aloud a few days after the movie night, perched on the edge of your bathtub. You are standing while facing him, focusing hard as you fix his appearance. He grimaces as you lean in close to adjust his hair, oblivious to the way your cleavage is eye-level due to your positioning.

“Explain again how going clubbing with Jin is going to achieve any of that.” He complains as you turn away from him momentarily to fidget with something resting beside the sink. When you turn back to him, your fingers are covered in some sort of product that you proceed to smooth through his hair.

“Well,” You say. “The idea is to make you feel confident and to see that there are plenty of people who would want you.” You don’t add the “even if Minah doesn’t” but Jungkook knows that the implication is there. “I don’t want to set you up on a date before you’re ready, but I have a feeling that with the right clothes and hair, you’d be really popular amongst a lot of people- I just want you to know that. And despite what you say, Seokjin knows the clubbing scene quite well. He’s the best person to have along on this kind of outing. And I’m coming too so that Seokjin doesn’t push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Remember our signal- if at any point you want to go home, just come over and smile at me, ok? The point is to have fun, not to feel silly or uncomfortable.”

No matter how Jungkook tries to picture this particular attempt going, he knows with Jin along it will only end in disaster. Either Jin will ditch early in the evening to go home with someone or he’ll spend the whole night making Jungkook wingman for him in increasingly humiliating ways. The only hope for the evening is that you will be there too, but in your current attire he kind of feels more nervous.

You look amazing. You’ve always put-together and well-groomed, but tonight you’ve gone the extra mile. Gone are the pantsuits- tonight you’ve opted for the full clubbing look, complete with styled hair, makeup designed to direct people’s gazes to your lips and a dress that looks so good on you that even he, the man currently dying of hanahaki because he’s that in love with another woman, is being forced to wipe his sweaty palms on his pants whenever you turn away. You don’t even seem to realise how amazing you look.

The doorbell rings and provides him a brief reprieve and a chance to gather his wits as you leave to welcome Jin into your home. What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he get a grip? Why do his lungs keep threatening to go on strike? If he didn’t know any better, he’d say he was about to go into another Hanahaki fit, but the sensation is different. Rather than feeling like something is choking him, he just feels short of breath. Like his heart can’t keep up- especially when you lean in close, oblivious to the way your dress is quite revealing compared to what you’d normally where.

He hears Jin whistle obnoxiously and rolls his eyes. So far, all your plans have been useless and ineffective and yet here he is, letting himself be dragged along. Why is he doing this? He doesn’t really have an answer. To distract himself from questions he’s not ready to ask himself yet, he gets to his feet and examines the clothes you have forced him into. You’d followed him back to his apartment after work and gone through his entire wardrobe before settling on a pair of jeans and a white tshirt. You’d also found a leather jacket that Minah had bought him ages ago and he’d promptly forgotten about and forced him into that. He actually… looks good. Normally his clothes are poorly fitted, and his hair is messy. In his college days, he’d put a lot of effort into his appearance and a lot of girls had liked him. Since then, however, he just hasn’t bothered. Nothing he does gets Minah’s attention anyway, and he still can’t quite get the hang of using an iron. Not to mention that thanks to his sickness, he’s constantly plagued with exhaustion and a lack of energy- putting effort into his appearance just hadn’t seemed worth it.

Looking at himself now, though, he remembers who he used to be. Before starting a business, before meeting you, even before he’d realised the extent of his feelings for Minah. When he was just a stupid college student with his two best friends to look out and care for him. Yeah, at that age he’d already gone through a lot of hardship, having been orphaned at the mere age of 15 and raised by his grandparents since, but he hadn’t wanted to let those tragedies define him. What had followed was a period of his life where he had revelled in the vivacity and excitement that came with being a young adult with minimal responsibilities. Those were probably the days where he was happiness, and he’d forgotten they’d ever existed until this moment. He feels like he’s staring at a stranger, looking in the mirror.

He can have fun tonight. What’s the harm? He suddenly understands the motive behind what you’ve been trying to do- you’re trying to remind him of life outside of Minah. And maybe he can be cured, the more time goes on. Even his sessions with Namjoon haven’t been this helpful or productive, although part of that may have been his own reluctance to be treated. As Namjoon has been constantly telling him, the only way Jungkook can get better is if he has a desire to get better. He swallows roughly and offers himself an awkward smile in the mirror before stepping out into your living room.

Jin ends up dragging the three of you to one of the higher end clubs in the area. As you all stand in line, Jungkook can hear the dull throb of the heavy bass beat radiating from within the club and there are heaps of people dressed in their best and waiting to be allowed in. Jin watches you as you idly fidget with a long, dangling earring and scroll uninterestedly through your phone.

“Don’t you think (Y/N) looks nice, tonight?” He asks Jungkook, leaning in close so that you can’t hear them, not that you are listening anyway. Jungkook blinks before nodding awkwardly.

“Well, she always looks nice.” Jungkook points out. Jin nods and laughs lightly.

“Yes, but you can’t really compare her normal attire to this. If I’d known (Y/N) could dress like that, I would have taken her clubbing with me much sooner.” He admits, tilting his head and blatantly trailing his gaze over your exposed legs and stilettos. It irritates Jungkook, for some reason, seeing Jin eye you like you are a piece of high-end steak rather than his boss.

“Don’t talk about her like that.” He huffs, and rather than get defensive, Jin’s smile widens like he’s just gotten exactly the response he was looking for.

“Why?” Jin presses, and there is something irritating but most definitely troublesome that lurks behind the look in his eyes. “Does it bother you? Do you not like the idea of another man looking at (Y/N) like-“

The bouncer interrupts the conversation before Jin can finish whatever stupid statement was brewing in his mind. He lets you straight through, but he holds up a hand to stop Jungkook and Jin from following and demands they hand over a hefty entrance fee. Jungkook winces as his wallet suddenly feels far too light. On the other side you wait, squinting at the inside of the club like you’ve never seen one before.

“Now,” You say, your tone warning. “This is just to make Jungkook feel more confident about himself, ok, Seokjin? I told you he just needs a little confidence boost- show him how to have a good time and maybe chat up a few girls but no pushing him to do anything he doesn’t want to, ok?”

“Ok mum.” Jin tells you dismissively, already walking past you like you’re an irritating mosquito. He wraps his hand around Jungkook’s wrist and drags him along too. “Go buy us some drinks or something- we have work to do.”

You vanish behind them as Jin pulls him into the crowd where people are already dancing. The crowd seems to pulse with the sultry beat. It’s so heavy and thick Jungkook can feel it pounding in his ribcage, drowning out even the beat of his own heart. Oddly, Jin does not stop at any point to begin dancing- he keeps dragging Jungkook along like he has a specific destination in mind. It quickly becomes clear that Jin has no intention of dancing tonight when he continues to pull Jungkook past the dancefloor and into a quieter booth where the music doesn’t drown out any change at conversation. He settles into the booth and smiles at Jungkook, patting the space next to him.

“At last, a chance to talk properly.” Jin says cheerfully as Jungkook hesitantly follows his lead and slides into the booth beside him.

“I thought we were meant to be meeting girls and-“ Jungkook questions and Jin interrupts him with an amused shake of his head.

“Oh, Kookie, I’m not helping you get with any girls tonight.” He says. “First of all, you can do that on your own. If you need a confidence boost, here it is: You’re a wonderful guy and picking up girls at the club is a stupid way to convince yourself of that, and I’m not sure why (Y/N) thought it would work. But now for my real reason for coming along tonight. I wanted you to realise something about our beloved boss.”

“What?” Jungkook asks, feeling betrayed and uncomfortable despite the fact that Jin was in no way being nasty or mean. He suddenly feels silly coming here, though. Jin jerks his head in the direction of the bar, and Jungkook spots you almost too easily. You’re leaning against the counter, ordering something from the bar tender, but there’s something uncomfortable about the way you hold yourself, no matter how gorgeous your outward appearance is.

“That’s she’s a knockout.” Jin says, matter-of-factly. “To be totally honest, men should be lining up at the door for her. She’s pretty, she’s kind, she’s accomplished. Do you know why they’re not?”

“Why?” Jungkook asks, feelings defensive for some reason. Jin smiles and watches you for a long moment as you gratefully accept your drink and hand over your card to pay.

“Because of you, dear Jungkook.” Jin explains patiently. “Now don’t go looking like I’ve just slapped you with a rotten fish. I mean that in a good way. She’s uninterested in the dating scene already, but pair that with the fact that she started a business with a guy like you, who by all accounts, is sweet, quite clever and occasionally reliable, and men start to feel too insecure to even take a shot.”

“Why are you saying all this?” Jungkook asks. Jin shrugs and leans back in the booth. A group of girls passes by on their way to the bar and start giggling when they see Jin. He merely smiles at them before turning to face Jungkook with a surprisingly serious look on his face.

“Because, Jungkook,” Jin says slowly. “That’s not going to last forever. (Y/N) isn’t a constant in your life like you’ve been treating her. All it would take is for her to meet a nice guy she wants to settle down with and then you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that you missed out on something really great for reasons that even I can’t figure out myself.”

He can’t guess at Jin’s game. What motive does he have, saying all this stuff? Is he trying to scare Jungkook? Currently, all Jungkook has on his mind is to survive until the wedding. Once the wedding happens, he can drop off the radar for a while, maybe get some treatment, maybe not. He’s not got the room or headspace to think beyond that. You don’t factor into anything he’s got planned currently, beyond helping his oldest friends plan their wedding without putting his secret at any further risk.

So why do Jin’s words make him so deeply uncomfortable? Jin has clearly gotten some kind of weird idea in his head, like he’s often prone to doing, and it shouldn’t affect Jungkook at all. It means nothing- you mean nothing to him.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Jin says, getting to his feet and reaching into his back pocket. He pulls out his wallet and slides some money across the table towards Jungkook. “Just think through what I said. I think I’m done for the night and might call it in. Buy (Y/N) and yourself something nice.”

He turns but pauses before he can disappear onto the dance floor.

“By the way, would it bother you if (Y/N) went home with someone tonight?” He asks curiously.

“Why do you ask?” Jungkook responds, oddly defensive and a little pouty. Jin just grins.

“Because I’d do something about that, if it would.” Jin says, and this time he really does vanish into the crowd. Jungkook doesn’t notice though, because he’s too preoccupied with the man who is currently leaning in far too close to where you idly lean at the bar. He’s quite handsome, but you don’t seem to notice. You look bored, only half engaged in the conversation. You probably can’t see Jungkook from where he is seated and are waiting for him to achieve the objective for the night. The man in question looks you up and down in a way that has Jungkook’s skin crawling. He feels nauseous- he’s not sure why. Normally he only feels this way when a particular nasty Hanahaki episode is coming on, and he hasn’t had one today. Perhaps that’s all it is- his body warning him to go home quickly. Regardless, he has no interest in staying a moment longer, especially not with the stranger eyeing you with an intensity that is entirely inappropriate.

Before his mind catches up with his body, he is striding over to you. When you see him, your expression softens. The guy beside you tenses but backs off quickly as Jungkook slots himself beside you and offers him a grin that is probably more of a baring of teeth than a smile.

“What’s wrong? Where’s Seokjin?” You ask. Jungkook shakes his head and offers you a more genuine smile, though it is a weak one. He feels… relieved, now that that other guy has backed off, for some strange reason.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ve had enough. I want to go home.” He says, and that’s really all the convincing that you need.

You don’t find out that the second step was a failure as well.

++

“ Step 3: Take some time to process your emotions.

This is perhaps the most important step to moving on. You need to ask yourself a lot of questions and do a lot of digging after a breakup. Were you too reliant on your ex? Is there anything you feel you haven’t gotten closure? Taking the time to think through these things can be painful and uncomfortable but until you do this properly you can never truly move on. Try writing them a letter, telling them how you feel and maybe all the things you left unsaid, and then throwing the letter away. This can give you an outlet for figuring things out in a comfortable controlled environment.

Good luck!”

You don’t realise you’ve been staring blankly at the article for far more time than you have to spare until Seokjin interrupts your daydreaming by knocking on the door of your office. You hastily minimise the window and straighten.

“Come in!” You call, fidgeting with some of the papers on your desk. You were supposed to be organising honeymoon details for one of your clients, but you’d somehow gotten side-tracked. You don’t even remember what caused you to look up the article you and Jungkook had been working through for the past couple of weeks.

Seokjin pokes his head in. He had never explained his sudden absence that night in the club and you know you’re probably never going to get the actual truth anyway.

“Did you get the-” He asks and you pinch the bridge of your nose irritably.

“Seokjin, if this is about those texts, then all I can say is please stop sending me the link to the professional dog party planner. I know you like dogs, but exclusively planning dog birthdays is way too niche a market!” You sigh exasperatedly. Seokjin pouts for a moment.

“Harsh.” He says. “But actually not what I was going to ask you about- although don’t think I’ve dropped this matter for good. Actually, I was just trying to say that Jungkook apparently left something for you on your desk and he wanted me to make sure you read it since he had to go look at some dresses with Minah.”

You glance at the clock and are surprised to see that it’s already 4 o’clock. You hadn’t realised you’d lost so much of the day.

“I hadn’t noticed it.” You admit, shuffling through the mess of papers on your desk. A clean white envelope addressed to you in Jungkook’s messy writing slips out amongst the clutter and lands on the floor. “Oh, it’s right here.”

Seokjin nods and smiles.

“Well, then, I’m done for the day. Don’t stay too late, ok, (Y/N)?”  He tells you, bidding good-bye with a wave and exiting the office while whistling a tune you don’t recognise. Seri hadn’t come in for the day, since she’d been invited to a wedding for one of her clients so it’s just you in the office. The only task you have remaining for the day is to wrap up organising this couple’s itinerary but for some reason since starting you’ve felt distracted and unproductive. Without realising, your gaze drifts to the envelope Jungkook had left for you. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out its contents.

You’d told him he didn’t have to share the letter he wrote to Minah with you. The final step had been for him to process- he didn’t need you there to help or to pressure him or to turn it into homework. You’d merely said that it was the final thing the article said to do and whenever he was ready, he could sit down and write it and then throw it out. So while you can guess what’s in the envelope fairly easily, it doesn’t mean you’re not surprised to see it resting on your desk, addressed to you. You can only wonder at why he felt the need to have you read it.

You manage to make a little headway into your work but the burning curiosity to know what Jungkook has written cuts more and more into your ability to be productive. Finally, with a tremendous sigh, you can bear it no longer. You know you’re not going to achieve anything when you are as distracted as you are. Instead, you reach for the envelope and carefully peel the flap open, exposing the hand-written letter inside.

“Dearest Minah,

You’re probably surprised to be getting a letter from me, huh? I know I’m not really the letter-writing type but a good friend of mine insisted I do this to help me ‘process’ or whatever. She means well, I suppose, and it’s worth a shot. So here goes… Ha, even though this letter isn’t going to you, it’s harder to write down than I thought it would be. The truth is that I have been lying to you and Taehyung, for a very long time. And I don’t even know where to start with telling you everything, but I guess I can start from the moment I realised just how important you are to me.

Do you remember just after college, when we first found out they were demolishing the old community hall? The one with the garden my mum used to tend, when she was alive? It was when Taehyung was doing that year of study abroad so it was just you and me to deal with that. And I have this really vivid memory of sitting in that garden alone, just missing my mum. I’d felt like nothing in my life ever went right- I couldn’t find a job, I was an orphan, and now they were taking away the one place where I’d always felt happy. And you found me there and sat next to me and I’ll never forget the words you said to me that day- “It’s not places that make us happy or bring us joy. It’s the people in those places- and all three of the people that made this place special are right there in your heart, Kookie. Taehyung, your mum… and me.”

That was the first time that I realised that you’re so much more than a friend to me, Min. You’ve always been the person I go to when things are though, and you’re never too tired or too busy or too stressed to drop everything and pick me back up. You were the person who held me at my mum’s funeral. You were the person to drive me to college and help me move in. And in every moment, I know you hate compliments, but I have to say it: you’ve been beautiful and full of kindness and somehow always smiling. That day was the first day I realised it, but I’ve probably felt that way my entire life- I love you. So much it hurts. So much that it’s killing me.

That’s the secret I’ve been keeping from the two of you. I’ve been dying. For the past year- ever since you and Taehyung started dating. Of Hanahaki. I don’t even know if you’ve heard of it, because it’s not that common. I certainly hadn’t, until the day I started throwing up petals. Apparently, it’s a disease caused by unrequited love I’ll keep coughing up petals until I die. The doctor said I only started vomiting when Taehyung confessed to you because before then I must have subconsciously thought my love was requited. I think that’s what hurts the most about all this- that before Taehyung confessed to you, I always thought it would be you and me. I can remember so many moments where I thought you felt the same- where I thought I had all the time in the world and that one day you’d wake up and decide I was the only guy for you. But you did that with Taehyung.

And I can’t even be mad because I love Taehyung too. He’s my brother, even if he’s not related to me. And the only person I’ve ever met who is as kind and caring as you are is probably him. He’s perfect for you, and you’re perfect for him. The thought of coming between you makes me feel… makes me feel like dirt on the ground. Like I should be trodden on and hated for all eternity. That’s why I couldn’t tell either of you- I knew it would destroy you both. And I know you both would probably call off the wedding the second you find out but that’s not what I want. I didn’t hide this and avoid treatment for an entire year because I don’t want you together, or because I want you to be miserable. I did it because you two are the two most important people to me on this planet.

I didn’t mean to lie to you, for so long. I’m so sorry- I know it’ll ruin you to find out. The day I was diagnosed I went straight to your apartment to tell you, but you were on a date with Taehyung. I’d used your spare key to get in and I was going to tell you and him both, straight away. But… the two of you were slow dancing together and I… I’ve never seen you look that way before. You… you both looked so happy. And I couldn’t bring myself to come between that. I didn’t want to lose either of you and I knew telling you would mean giving up my two best friends.

The purpose of this letter was to help me “process” what I felt. I tried really, really hard to get over you. A friend of mine (You can probably guess who considering I don’t have that many friends) and I tried all these ridiculous methods to help me get over you, and the funny thing is that for a moment, I’d really thought they’d worked. I didn’t vomit for three whole days but then right as I sat down to write this letter, I had an awful episode. And she tried so hard, but for some reason my body refuses to get better. The doctors must be right- they told me I need hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy means that I have to forget both you and Taehyung… and I can’t bring myself to do that. That would be erasing every happy memory I’ve ever had. I think the cost of getting better is too high. I don’t know what to do. I want to get better, yet the only way is to say goodbye? Is there no way to save us?”

There’s a massive break in the writing here, and then the pen colour changes, like Jungkook had stopped and come back and written this later. It’s addressed to you, to your surprise.

“ (Y/N), thank you for trying. I know you meant well, and I know you tried your best. Thank you for caring enough to want me to get better- thank you for everything. I actually had a lot of fun trying, even if it didn’t work in the end. Please don’t be sad about this! But I think that what’s best for now, is if we just focus on planning the wedding, and we can figure out what to do after. I know you want to help, and the way you can help is just by being you. By being the fantastic friend and co-worker that you are.

I have to go now, because I’ve got plans with Minah and Taehyung, but I’m going to send this letter to you, even though you said you didn’t have to read it. I want you to know the full story and why I made this decision, and I’d really like if you supported me in it.

Thank you again.

-Jungkook.”

A droplet of water lands on the letter and spreads outwards- the ink beneath it bleeds as it soaks into the paper. Steadily, more drops begin to land on the page and the words blur and start to lose their meaning. You slowly reach your hand up to your face and it is only then that you register that there are tears pouring down your face. You’re not even sure why you’re crying. Is it because your plan to save Jungkook failed? But you knew from the start that the chances were miniscule- that it was a shot in the dark to even try.

Up until now, you’d secretly wondered what was so special about Minah for Jungkook to be dying for her. Was it her looks? Her sweet personality? It’s been so long since you’ve even thought about love that you can’t, for the life of you, fathom Jungkook’s decision. Or at least, you couldn’t. After reading this letter, you understand. You can see his love for her in every pen stroke. In the way his letters go wobbly and almost illegible at the parts where it was harder for him to admit things. In the stories he chose to share. You understand Jungkook’s situation, and you knew the plan was just something to give the two of you hope and probably wouldn’t succeed… So why are you crying? Are you upset that he’s accepted what you already knew? Or is it uglier… are you upset that his feelings for Minah are so strong that he can’t move on?

You don’t have an answer.

++

“I feel like we haven’t hung out like this in ages.” Minah sighs, and the expression on her face is serene as she loops her arm around Jungkook’s. This close, he can smell her perfume, and some of her hair catches on his shoulder as she flips it carelessly out of the way. “We’ve been so busy with wedding stuff that there hasn’t been any time to just hang.”

“We’ve hung out.” Jungkook protests. He allows her to semi-drag him down the street even though her full height barely reaches his shoulder. “What about when we went out to dinner the other night?”

Minah frowns and shakes her head.

“Tae and (Y/N) were there. It doesn’t count. And it was to discuss a date for the bridal shower.” She complains. “And you didn’t say a single word the whole night! I’d have thought you’d lost your voice if you hadn’t ordered twice the amount of food everyone else did.”

“I was hungry.” He grumbles. Minah laughs and shakes her head fondly.

“You always did eat a lot. I’ll have to speak to (Y/N) about getting you extra servings at the reception dinner.” She says. She glances around. “Hmmm… anyway, it should be somewhere around here…”

She pauses and turns around the street, her large eyes scanning the names of the boutiques that line the sidewalk the two of them currently stroll down. It’s definitely one of the more expensive areas in town- the only time Jungkook has ever been here was when the Seri’s car broke down and she needed someone to drive her to the cake-tasting appointment she had booked. Finally, Minah’s eyes settle on the place she’s been looking for. The awning and walls are painted white and trimmed in a way that is reminiscent of a wedding cake. In silver letters across the sign, it declares “Bridal Beauty” and three pure white mannequins decked out in floor-length wedding dresses sit in the display window.

“There it is!” She crows excitedly, urging Jungkook to walk a little faster. It makes him smile, her eagerness. That’s how she always is- filled with an excitement and joy for life that no one else can match. “Ok, Jungkook, listen up.” She declares, placing her hands on her hips and trying to look imposing. She doesn’t succeed- she needs more height than the heels she currently wears can lend her, if she wants to be the slightest bit intimidating. And maybe the soft pink lipstick and round eyes and carefully curled hair do not help as well. “I know that you don’t know a thing about fashion, and you’re just going to sit there all bored on your phone while we do this. I want you to know that yes, I could have asked my mother, or (Y/N) or even that girl at work who’s weirdly invested in my relationship with Tae to come, but I chose you. You’re the only person, other than Tae, whose opinion matters. So, try to at least look a little impressed when you see me trying on these dresses, ok?”

Jungkook knows how he would have reacted, before the Hanahaki. He would have grimaced, made some sort of smartass remark, before reluctantly agreeing to do whatever would make Minah happiest. Maybe even mocked her high-pitched voice a little for good measure. But as it stands, all he can manage is a weak smile and nod. Today, he feels especially downtrodden by his illness- he knows you’re probably reading the letter right this instant and discovering what he had quickly realised for himself. How would you react, he wonders? Would you be sad on his behalf? Would you cry? Or will you tuck the letter away and pretend you never read it?

Minah notices his weak reaction, he thinks. Her expression falls, like that wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for, before she leads him inside.

Within the boutique, the air is perfumed, and the décor is airy and bright. White curtains and the bright sunlight filtering in make him think of early mornings.  He can hear soft piano music tinkling from deeper within the boutique. An older woman in a pantsuit who has, on occasion, come in to visit you in the office, appears and smiles widely when she sees Minah.

“You must be the lucky bride! (Y/N) told me you were coming. Come through here. I’ve actually already gathered a few things that might be to your taste for you to try on.” She urges, her bright red lips thinning into what seems to be an attempt at a smile. You also have a business smile, but yours is so much warmer and more genuine. Recalling your smile, he knows for sure that you are crying as you read his letter, and for some reason that makes the ache that has been present in his chest since reading it deepen.

Minah smiles and allows herself to be led away. Jungkook follows into the next room. Half of it is hidden by curtains, which Minah disappears behind. The end he’s in, however, has a plush couch which he supposes is meant for him. He’s supposed to sit on this couch and wait for her to put on her dress. The wedding dress for her wedding to someone else. He swallows down an uncomfortable wave of nausea and hopes he has enough strength of character to survive this without exposing his secret.

The lady from before steps out from behind the curtains after explaining the dresses and walks over to Jungkook.

“Hello! You must be Jungkook! (Y/N) told me about you- it’s nice to finally meet the man behind the numbers! (Y/N) has only good things to say about you.” She says. “Would you like any tea or a hot beverages while you wait?”

“No that’s fine.” He answers with a shake of his head. She nods and offers another thin smile. Of course you would only have good things to say about him- you think far too highly of him. That letter he wrote is probably tearing that opinion to shreds with each moment that ticks by, but he’d resigned himself to this outcome when he’d first finished writing it.

“Well, my office is just over there if either of you need anything. And the bathroom is to the left, over there.” She tells him, before leaving him to his own devices.

He’s playing a game on his phone while Minah changes and is focused on it enough that he is wholly unprepared for when she steps out in her first dress.

All the air whooshes from his chest like he’s just been hit by a moving train and had the wind knocked from him. Minah has always looked pretty in anything she wears, but in this dress she looks ethereal. It’s off-the-shoulder and hugs her torso snugly up to her waist, where it flares outwards in a cloud of tulle and lace. She looks shyly downwards, evaluating the dress for herself.

“Well?” She asks. “What do you think? The fit is loose because they’ll have to tailor it, but not bad for a first go, huh?”

His voice fails him. He’d be lying if he said he’d never wondered what Minah would look like on their wedding day. What kind of dress would she wear? How would she do her hair? Ultimately, he’d always decided that it didn’t matter as long as it was her walking down the aisle, but that doesn’t change how much of a sucker punch to the gut it is to see her in her dress. He hadn’t realised how much it would hurt, the realisation that all of this was real. That Minah really is marrying Taehyung, and there’s nothing he can do to change that, without ruining her happiness. He feels his stomach drop like a stone when a wave of nausea rushes over him and he knows an episode is coming now. He doesn’t have any time to waste.

“Sorry, Minah,” He cries, scrabbling to his feet and swallowing down the first retch. “I think the eggs I ate were gone off-“ He doesn’t finish his lie before disappearing into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He does so just in time, because the petals instantly begin pouring from his mouth. He doubles over in pain as retches wrack his whole body.

Dimly, he feels a panic that he hasn’t felt while having an episode in a long time. It’s inconvenient but it’s always the same. He’s used to the disease after suffering it from an entire year. But this time, it’s worse. Never before have petals poured from him in such intensity- never has he experienced such pain while having an episode. Suddenly, with alarming clarity and fear, he understands how this can be a disease that kills. Black spots swim in his vision and he crumples down on all fours. The retches show no sign of slowing.

He’s screwed. He needs help. It’s never been this bad before, and Minah is just outside, banging on the door in concern. Panicked, he had dropped his phone when he first slammed the door shut, and he scrabbles to reach for it now, feeling his head swim and his tongue cramp. He doesn’t know whether you’ll even help him, after reading that letter, but he knows you’re the only one who can help him. It’s almost instinct, to find your contact details in his phone. His hands shake and he chokes up another wave of petals before he manages to hit the call button. The line only rings twice.

“Jungkook?” You answer, and if he weren’t in so much pain he would have noticed the way your voice is raspy from crying. “Jungkook, I got your letter and-“

“(Y/N)!” He cries urgently between retches. Tears stream from the corners of his eyes due to the exertion. “Help me. It’s… it’s never been this bad… Help me.”

He can only barely make out your voice crying his name in concern before everything goes black.

++

When Jungkook awakens, it is in an unfamiliar room. The walls are painted bright yellow and the carpet is a soft beige. The sheets he sleeps on are a soft pastel pink and the blanket is bright pink with different coloured sprinkles printed across it. The curtains are open just enough that a sliver of sunlight comes through, warming the air. He rolls slightly, not quite ready to sit up but also curious about his surroundings. The smell of the air is familiar, but he can’t quite place it- sweet and pleasant, and a little fruity.

A bag hanging off a hook catches his eye- he recognises it as an IV fluid bag. He’s hooked up to fluids. They steadily feed into the crook of his elbow. He stares in confusion at it. He’s not in a hospital. There’s a desk in the corner, stacked with papers and a cork board hanging over the wall opposite him with dozens of photographs pinned to it. The heads of the pins are shaped like little red hearts. There’s also a string of fairy lights hanging over the wall directly above him- they aren’t switched on but they’re in the shape of little dangling pineapples. What hospital would have such cutesy, precise decorations? No matter how he thinks about it, he’s definitely in someone’s bedroom.

He sits up and squints at the photographs pinned to the corkboard. It’s hard to see without his glasses on. He doesn’t know where they are, but he supposes that’s a problem to solve once he works out his location. While he’s staring at the photo-board, unwilling to leave the warmth of the bed, the smell of bacon and freshly brewed coffee starts to filter in from the next room. His stomach rumbles. Had he eaten dinner last night?

His stomach drops as he recalls that no… no he hasn’t. With dread he recalls the way Minah had looked in her dress, the way his Hanahaki had hit him harder than ever and calling you in a fit of desperation. Did… Did Minah find out? This isn’t her bedroom, that much he knows. She’d moved in with Taehyung six months ago. He knows their room. This is… this is someone else’s and the only other person it could be is you.

He can hear two people conversing in the next room and is about to scramble out of bed when you poke your head in through the door, confirming that it is, in fact, your bedroom.

“You’re awake!” You cry, and the look on your face can only be described as heartbreakingly relieved. “That’s good, because I made breakfast! Namjoon says you can come off the fluids and so he’s going to come remove the line before he heads to work.”

He’s…. he’s in your room and you’re making him breakfast? As baffling as the situation is, he knows one thing for sure: He’s safe. If he’s here, in your room, and not in a hospital bed, then somehow you got him out of the situation without Minah finding out. Perhaps your reaction to his letter hadn’t been as bad as he anticipated. He doesn’t know what you did to get him here, but he just knows he’s grateful. A warm, unfamiliar feeling billows outwards in his chest, relief soaked in something else he can’t identify. All the tension drains from his body and when he inhales, the sweet scent he now recognises as yours seems to fill him all the way to the bottom of his lung.

“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asks, stepping into the room. He’s wearing a neatly pressed suit and smells of cologne. He sets a tray of swabs and medical tape on the bedside cabinet before seating himself on the bed beside Jungkook. “I was concerned to hear you’ve had such a nasty episode. It’s to be expected considering your situation, but it’s still disappointing. I suppose that means (Y/N)’s unorthodox methods were a failure?”

Jungkook ducks his head shamefully as Namjoon fidgets with the tape holding the catheter in place.

“I… yeah. They didn’t work.” He confesses. Namjoon raises an eyebrow.

“No need to sound like you’ve just murdered my sister.” He says. “It’s not your fault they didn’t work.”

“I know. I just feel-“ Jungkook begins, trying to explain the guilt and shame he feels, but Namjoon patiently holds up a hand to stop him from speaking.

“Jungkook.” Namjoon explains patiently. “Despite the poorly understood cause, Hanahaki is a physical illness. Just like home remedies can’t cure cancer, hanging out with my sister isn’t going to magically to you waking up better. I only agreed to let her try because I knew how stubborn she is, but also because I knew it was good for you. You haven’t made any progress in our sessions over the last few weeks, and somehow, she got you to open up and reflect on your relationship in a way I haven’t managed to even though I’m literally a specialist.”

That has Jungkook speechless. Namjoon smiles and adjusts his thick-framed glasses on the tip of his nose.

“You’re doing everything you can, and you should be proud of yourself. And despite the doubts I expect you’re feeling, no, you are not getting worse. I ran some tests while you were sleeping and there’s been no progression. And Minah didn’t find out either.” Namjoon reassures him. He glances at his watch. “But I have to get to work. Feel free to enjoy breakfast. She’s actually a good cook. And that bandage can come off in a couple of hours.” He offers with a wink, gathering all his supplies and leaving Jungkook alone in the room.

It takes a few moments to gather his courage to step out into your living room. He doesn’t know why he’s so frightened to. There’s no reason to be afraid- all he should feel is grateful that his secret hasn’t been discovered. Whatever meds Namjoon had administered in first aid leave him feeling better and healthier than he has in a long time, so there’s no reason for dread and unease to grip him like it does.

You have bedding strewed in a nest over the couch, meaning you probably slept out here, and you’re wearing a pretty sundress as you hover over the stove. He takes a deep, shaky breath. For some reason, the second his eyes land on you the fear and anticipation leaves him abruptly and is replaced with a hot, sticky sort of feeling in his chest like his heart is liquifying. For a long moment, Jungkook simply gapes, unable to fathom exactly what it is he’s feeling, and you don’t register his presence until you turn around. You cry out in shock, wielding the spoon you’d been stirring the pot with like a sword as you catch your breath. For some reason he finds it endearing, and an unfamiliar and frighteningly pleasant sensation billows outwards in his chest. 

“Jungkook! How are you feeling?” You cry, recovering your composure and stepping forward towards him. “Namjoon told me you were fine, but I need to hear it straight from you. I read your letter and I-”

The words die in your throat as you find his arms wrapped tightly around you. He had planned to thank you, but to his surprise, his body seems to be moving on autopilot. All he knows is that yesterday he experienced his most painful episode of Hanahaki to date, but seeing you somehow makes him feel like it was all a distant nightmare. But when he tries to explain that to you, all that comes out is a sob. He’s not even sure why he’s crying, but gradually your posture relaxes and your arms snake around his waist. Since being sick, few are the times that Jungkook has allowed himself to properly cry. He isn’t allowed to feel sad and heartbroken, to cry it out like he’s been wronged, because he knows he’s rotten to the core. Only bad people long for their best friends’ fiancé the way that he has been. And you should be pushing him away in disgust after reading the letter and discovering that he can’t move on from Minah even knowing what it means for every involved. But you do no such thing. It feels good, to come apart in your arms, because he now knows you’ll put the pieces back together afterwards.

And the whole time, you don’t say anything. You simply let Jungkook cry in your arms until the eggs start to burn beside you.

[curioussubjects]

come be a season 12 truther, baby, with me

In honor of tonight’s Berens/Glynn episode (!!!!), I’d like to take y’all on a magical journey in which I share why I think Dean and Cas got together in season 12. 

Keep in mind that this post takes for granted that Dean and Cas are in love with each other and that their relationship has been increasingly coded as romantic with each passing season. Consequently, what this post does is point out some key moments in their relationship and argue why they don't get together before 12. I'll also go briefly over 13 and 14 for reasons I'll explain later in the post. First, though, let me go over seasons 4 through 11, with some pit stops along the way:

Seasons 4 & 5: this isn’t the destiel you are looking for. the ust is delicious, yes, and i, too, got sucked in posthaste immediately groped by an angel lj community style. At this point Cas is still too alien for anything beyond the development we see on screen happen. HOWEVER, season 5 is the first time we get to see Cas being human (The End) and Cas being less connected to heaven and how that affects his behavior. This will matter. 

Seasons 6 & 7: the pining omg the pining. The notable things I want to point out with these seasons is a. this is the beginning of Cas doing things to spare Dean and it not ending well (Cas dies #1, soulless!Sam); b. Dean is v. sad; and c. we also start noticing the emotional toll of Cas’s divided loyalties and how human he has actually become since s4. Hurty feels all around.  

Season 8: purgaytory babes aw yeah! Still lots of terrible awful pining. This is a turning point with the addition of the bunker as tfw hq: we have a home in play now, a static emotional center. Cas is still off doing his own thing, Dean still wishes Cas would just let him (+ Sam) help out. Cas going off on his own leads to disaster #2 (Angels fall, Cas loses his Grace). For all deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much of a gap between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 & slaughtering angels & leviathan. On the other hand, we do see Dean being more emotionally open, but to no avail. Bad timing. This is a trend. [oop also worth noting we get Dean being kinda done with the one night stand thing because always with the adios and ahem also hint hint Cas refusing to stay put]

Seasons 9 & 10: aka Dean and Cas make bad decisions, but mostly Dean. The biggest turning point here is Cas being human for an extended period of time. There is still plenty of spec over the effects of being human on Cas’s Grace and his Soul. What we can say for sure, though, is that Cas is much more human once he becomes an angel again. In contrast to s8, s9 sees Cas being vulnerable and Dean pushing him away (first because of Gadreel, which he didn’t want to do really and that’s even sadder kdjfgksdfj & later because he was pushing everyone away due to the mark).  

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait: there’s been so much amazing fic and spec about this episode with its fanfiction gap, but I can’t see a deancas get together here, folks. I know, it’s terrible. The lying from Dean and the hurt from Cas, imo, make the distance between them quite insurmountable at this point. While the episode is amazing (Bobo’s debut, too! So ♥) and has some notorious subtext throughout, I just can’t see the character bridging that gap into anything physical, much less emotional. Nevertheless, this episode does show perhaps the first intentional romantic tableaux with Dean and Cas, and that’s not nothing. 

10.16 Paint it Black: from the point Dean gets the mark of cain until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible. But one of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. For one, it’s a rare bit of emotional honesty from Dean and for two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the thing between them, it’s still uncharted waters. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6.  Anyway, he’s the full confession, so we can put a pin on it:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. [...]  Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. [...]  Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more, which all culminates in season 11, so...

Season 11: The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Luci (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems and by the end of the season we’re getting a clean slate. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. What this season does that is also super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible. 

11.04 Baby: Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? The convo between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development in on of the things Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all.  SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more? DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

Compare this exchange with what we get from 11.11 and 11.19:

11.11 Into the Mystic: I’m bringing this episode as a crossreference to 10.16 and to show again that for all the closeness between Dean and Cas there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin'...If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else. [...]  Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters: Continuing our trek regarding Dean wanting certain things we have this gift of an episode with Jesse and Cesar, and this exchange:

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13. 

Alright, now having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point in retrospect, after getting smacked by the domesticity of 13 and 14. Under the cut because I can’t shut up, and things are long enough as is. 

Season 12:  Finally, the promise land, y’all. So, what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. Important to keep in mind that until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. 

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim). 

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You): Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it.

Offscreen happenings: Mixtape, how Cas knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow. This is hella suspicious. 

12.19 The Future: This episode changes everything, y’all (bobo and meredith, folks, bobo and meredith ksjdhfakjshlfksd). Consider watching this episode again and pay attention to some weird things: 1. Dean’s reaction to Cas going awol. Compare it to Sam’s, who is like whoa Dean chill. Now, thought experiment, imagine something happened between Dean and Cas, and then just radio silence from Cas. Imagine how Dean would react with getting ghosted by Cas specifically after something happened between them.  2. Cas comes back to the bunker with the specific goal of stealing the Colt, which he already knew was under Dean’s pillow -- something Sam didn’t even know.  3. “He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But Cas clearly knew where the Colt was already, which means something happened before  Cas came back to the bunker. Cas played Dean in seeming to have reconsidered not working with Sam and Dean wrt Kelly. This is still a point of drama, but it leads somewhere else (see s13 & s15). 4. WHEN DID DEAN GIVE CAS THAT MIXTAPE OMG 5. Dean and Cas’s brief convo in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together -- because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth. 

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him -- Dean is clearly shook by it -- Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) -- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow -- ???? -- Cas goes awol -- Dean acts like he got ghosted by his partner.

Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But ymmv, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication. 

Ok, maybe the narrative is still too subtle (?????), but as I said before, looking at 12 with the knowledge of 13 and 14 does offer a new perspective because of the difference in dynamic between Dean and Cas. I know lots of people look at 14, mainly, as having dialed back on the destiel side of things, but I always thought that was a strange take. Largely because they’re so domestic and their dynamic, ie, the lack of tension, reads like an established relationship. It’s a different kind of beast than we have been used to so far, so it does look alien on screen, especially since we “skipped” the conventional getting together cue that would let us change gears. Let’s take a look at 13 and 14, then.

Season 13: Ah, yes, the season of shit gets domestic. The pining? Gone? What? Deancas now reading like an established couple? It’s more likely than you think.

13.1-13.5: Dean’s grief mini-arc. Dude’s acting like a widower. We all know this. I want to gesture towards the reunion moment though with “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying. 

13.6 Tombstone: hi this episode is pure love and Dean is so happy his sweetheart is back from the dead? He’s even ok being Jack’s third dad now? What a time to be alive. Also? apparently Dean and Cas were just having movie night together? Dates? Mutual Pining dates prior to shit going to hell in 12? Do you ever cry? What else are they getting up to offscreen? What else will they get up to off screen? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. 

Season 14: MORE DOMESTICITY. With some pining because Michael. But...heart eyes when Dean comes back? Watch that scene again with Dean going off to shower. Suspicious. But then shit hits the fan and we’re all sad again. boo. 

14.15 Peace of Mind: Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t coupley asf. 

14.18-14.20: Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established issue between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here; he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? Divorce arc was entirely too literal. 

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will they or won’t they because they already have. The tension is instead will they or won’t they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. There’s a crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned TWELVE FRIGGIN’ EPISODES. Y’all. Y’all that’s half a season. And we’re not even entirely done with it yet because Dean was cut short in purgatory, and they haven’t dealt with Cas’s side of blame in this mess yet either -- that Cas keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. And, you know, that’s a whole lot more exciting than witnessing their for realsies first kiss. I’m also confident Dabb & co will deliver the conclusion to this emotional arc and it will be a whole mess of feelings on all our parts. 

For the moment, though, it’s looking a lot like Dean and Cas had a rocky start to their ~involvement, then DEATH, then they got together feat. sweet sweet domestic fluff, then DIVORCE. So, yeah. Season 12, guys; it’s where it’s at. 

As for the more performative aspect of Dean and Cas’s relationship…that’s a whole other thing and all I can say is they got the green light for something, but I don’t know what it is and it’s driving me bananas, but it’s definitely something and we can talk about that, too. Place your bets, etc.  I’m clowning on the “I love you” pay off because it’s a glaring missing piece in this whole story. See also: holding hands? Carving Cas’s initials on the table? Saileen endgame parallels? All supported by the narrative. Like a lot. So. *finger guns*

[cavesalamander]

My brief thoughts on this season of anime!

Just a quick review of the ones I’d recommend and/or keep watching. I managed to find all of the below on Funimation or Crunchyroll or Youtube!

Horymia: (Yes) This is looking to be a very funny romcom slice of life style anime, and seems to be a fairly good one! Had me laughing a lot. The Main couple are a nerdy quiet boy who’s actually dumb as a sack of bricks using his disheveled appearance to hide his tattoos and piercings, and a popular pretty girl who’s actually a total homebody. Their friends seem to have a lot of potential to be fleshed out as the series progresses and I look forward to seeing how it goes!

So I’m a Spider, So What?: (Yes) Whooo another isekai (excited)! This time a girl and her entire class!? Get isekai’d in a massive explosion. The main character reincarnates as a trash monster in a dungeon and must fight her way up the food chain just to survive. Meanwhile her friends who have mostly reincarnated as Cool Humans or the occasional elf or baby dragon, have mostly found each other, and want to figure out what happened/why and if they’re all okay. It’s genuinely pretty funny, though leans a little too hard sometimes on the gamey aspects of this new world. I think it may get darker as it goes along too.

Mushoku Tensei: (No) Whooo another isekai (derogatory). 34 yo old man gets reincarnated and uses his worldly experience to Learn Magic Fast and creep on his mom and prepubescent tutor. If you can stomach that stuff, it actually has a fair amount of potential? It did set itself up to touch on some interesting stuff down the road, but I’m kind of Over the horny toddler/young boy trope and it kinda just seems like the protagonist is Just Awesome At Everything but not in a remotely charming way.

Cells at Work Code Black: (Yes) If you liked Cells at Work, this is that but dingier, and is able to tackle some darker themes - like what stress, smoking, drinking, and probably eventually STDs can do to your body.

Kemono Jihen: (Yes) I don’t wanna explain TOO much about the plot of this one because it looks to be a mystery series, and the first episode sets it up the characters very very well. A man from the city is called to a rural town where animals are being mysteriously killed and found rotting. He’s tasked with finding and killing the perpetrator, assumed to be a monster of some kind. It does the horror very well, and even in the first episode manages some twistyness.

The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter: (No) Even for a blatant fan service anime this one is just......... stupid. It might have a scrap of joy to it if the protagonist were anything other than a boring sycophant. His harem just all seems to be random girls who’s singular personality traits are to be in love with him in various stereotypical ways, that he just uses to min max his Cool Stats. But like, it’s not even self aware enough to make that into an interesting premise.

Sk8: (Yes) It’s a racing anime that seems super stylish and fun and very well animated. The protagonists have some cool chemistry already, and it really leans into the Underground Illegal Racing part of the fun - all the various characters who battle in death defying races through this abandoned mine, all have seemingly ordinary day jobs. Definitely worth a shot if that sounds up your alley.

Suppose a Kid from the Last Dungeon Boonies moved to a starter town?: (Probably) Okay so the premise is just there in the title and is actually pretty fun. Think: a random NPC who is considered pretty weak where the monsters are lv 50 moving somewhere where the monsters are scary at lv 5, shenanigans ensue. The MC boy is hilariously oblivious to the fact that anyone with a shred of sense can see he’s insanely over leveled to the area, and just trying to be nice and polite to everyone ^u^. The tentative nature of my recommendation is that it is kind of leaning harder on the Girls are Obsessed With Him train than is ideal. How much it depends on that as opposed to utilizing the premise to its fullest extent will have an enormous bearing on how fun the show is to watch going forward.

Ex-Arm: (Absolutely not but yes) It’s a fucking train wreck.

Heavens Design Team: (Yes) God decided to outsource creating animals to a team of angels, and works as a client giving weird ass requests for the angels to fill. Hilarity ensues, and it is peak edutainment to boot. It’s so much fun learning weird shit about animals, or trying to guess the animal these seemingly random train of failed attempts leads to.

Dr. Ramune -Mysterious Disease Specialist-: (No) It has a promising premise and some good moments. The main characters are solving these weird “diseases” that people get by finding the actual emotional cause and using magic of some kind to monkey paw it into a resolution. This could be really fun and interesting, but something about the execution just... falls flat? Like maybe it picks up as the season goes on but for now it’s not rly worth it.

Vlad Love: (Yes) I was going through the list of anime this season and was like wtf is this and literally just now watched episode 1. It’s about a girl with a blood donation kink and her vampire girlfriend. Literally. It’s rly funny and over the top ridiculous but like, gay vampires.

Back Arrow: (No) It’s like... fine. It’s about these two warring kingdoms surrounded by a wall with a mountain range between. They worship the wall as god, and occasionally get gifts from beyond it, in the form of mech suits they use to fight each other in. One day a boy shows up from beyond the wall in one of those suits and no memories of anything and he wants to get back. Which... could be promising I guess? But something about the show just didn’t grab my attention.

Skate-Leading Stars: (No) It’s like Yuri on ice if it was less gay and less well written I guess...? The first episode set up the Drama competently enough, but I just... couldn’t give a shit.

Project Scard: (No) For some reason part of Tokyo has been turned into a post apocalyptic hellscape where people just murder each other. They also have super powered tattoos and use them to fight each other. Animation is very similar to Handshakers - which is an Aesthetic that may not appeal to some. The first episode didn’t rly do much for me but I could see it going somewhere if it tries.

Wave!!: (No) Might have been a tentative yes if I hadn’t gone on and watched the second episode. First ep went hard with the queerbaiting cause they want to be the new Free! but with surfing, but Ep 2 just forgot all about that entirely. Dialogue is mostly boring and there’s like 3 sets, which becomes painfully obvious very quickly by ep 2.

Idoly Pride: (No) Literally looks like they ripped off the waifus of a bunch of other more popular anime and made an idol anime with the most basic ass idol plot. Nothing exceptional here.

Gekidol: (undecided) It’s an idol anime... set after a mysterious apocalyptic event? It’s mostly so far seemed intriguing as hell but not my jam. Mysterious craters destroyed parts of Japan, and its rebuilding and the MCs wanna bring light to the world. Maybe aliens exist? Idk! I’m intrigued.

I*Chu: (No) Another idol anime but this time it’s cute boys! Idk maybe this is a decent idol anime but it rly didn’t grab me and idol stuff isn’t usually my jam. I couldn’t tell anything exceptionally unique about this one from just the first episode.

WIXOSS Diva: (No, but) I don’t normally watch spin-offs of series but I didn’t realize until halfway into this that it was one cause Crunchyroll didn’t attach it to the core line. It’s like... magical girl battle idols in VR! Which honestly if you’re a fan of that it might actually be worth checking out.(edited)

Idolls!: (No) Another idol anime! But this one uses mocap 3d models. Phoned in plot line delivered by a weird tiki statue that tells the girls what to do. Seems extraordinarily low budget, and more just a way to sell music. The whole episode happened in a single set and  was basically just... girls want to make it big as idols... oh no... gotta book a stage! Yay they got one! Now must get an audience! Like... ok

Hortensia Saga: (No but) Sword and sorcery fantasy setting that’s mostly sword, main character is a princess masquerading as a male knight alongside the son of her dead parents’s also dead bodyguard. The first episode is very lore heavy and felt kinda like the prologue to a video game. So it ended up feeling a little expository and trope laden, but it has potential. Seems a bit Game of Thronesy? Wasn’t like... bad or anything, so if it’s your thing you might enjoy it.

Otherside Picnic: (Yes) I think it’s gay first of all, two girls going exploring / treasure hunting / monster hunting in a bizarre mirror world to their own. Girls are cute, it’s very interesting premise and writing seems solid.

Wonder Egg Priority: (Yes) It deals with some HEAVY themes? But it’s... a bit of a psychological horror but in a way that feels very like it’s dealing with some of the real life issues. The main character girl comes across as neurodivergent, and it’s just... idk man the first episode was good and left me wanting more.

[lightanddarklove]

Connverse Week Day 5 - Drive

Drive Carefully, Get Home Safe

Gen |1569 words | No warnings apply

Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe | Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe Read on Archive of Our Own | Day 1 prompt | Day 2 prompt |  Day 3 prompt | Day 4 prompt | Day 6 Prompt | Day 7 prompt | My Writing Masterpost

I wasn't able to finish Day 4 (or 6) yet, I'm trying not to make it into a monster chapter like Day 2, but this was easier to get out. I had an idea for a Greg & Steven one shot that this spun off of, I might try to write that later this month.

I hope you enjoy Connie being the comfort recipient, I've been punishing Steven too much and wanted to turn it around a bit. Its a bit more somber, but the kids will be alright.

I appreciate any feedback, and thanks for reading!

After a stressful evening, Steven wasn't quite prepared to have Connie fuming with him the following afternoon. He probably should have seen this coming, but he reassures her that his accident wasn't as bad as she fears. Post Volleyball, pre Snow Day of SU Future. Hurt/ Comfort. Steven Centric. Gen.

Steven had spent the day with his dad, working from his phone on rescheduling the projects he wouldn’t be able to delegate. The unscheduled tune-up his car had needed only resulted in 2 missed lectures which wouldn’t be too bad, but most of his other work would be piling up on his desk at Little Homeschool. This wasn’t how he wanted to spend his day, but it was unavoidable.

Greg had avoided putting any undue pressure on his son, seeing how booked his schedule usually was. Talking to the mechanics and getting the work needed with the car handled was something he could do that could ease Steven’s mind. The other phone call Greg had made while Steven was busy was not going to relieve the teenager’s stress right away, but it would likely help him in the long run. Greg just hoped Steven wouldn’t be too mad. Greg had kept his promise that he wouldn’t tell the gems the real reason the car needed to fixed today and not on a less busy day. However, Connie had not been mentioned in that conversation, and it was probably best she be kept in the loop.

When Steven darted off to give Connie a call, Greg went to grab a soda and snack for when Steven returned, knowing that would at least help keep his son from chewing him out too badly.

At around 4pm Connie sent Steven a text that just said “Call me.”

Steven rounded the back of the carwash and paced nervously for a moment. That could be about anything. Maybe trouble with something in class? Or something was going on with her parents? Or maybe it has something to do with one of her friends, or clubs? There was no use just hypothesizing about the problem, it would be better to get more data and then work on fixing it. After 3 rings the call connected.

“Hi Connie, is everything ok?”

“What happened last night after you left?” She wasn’t yelling but her tone was stern. He continued to pace.

“Uh, just a bit of car trouble, I don’t know what dad told you but-“

“Steven.” Connie barked. He swallowed hard. “You should have had some caffeine or slept on the couch, Mom is fine with that when you’re tired, but you insisted that you were able to drive and I have to hear from your dad that you dozed off while driving home!” Steven dragged the hand that wasn’t holding the phone down his face.

Connie, I didn’t think-“

“To tell me after it happened?” She cut him off, exasperated.

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Well, you did make me worry. I can’t believe you wouldn’t have called me after you were done on the phone with your dad.”

“It was late, and you had school today-“

“I want to know what’s going on with you Steven,” She said, voice tight. “If you got hurt, and nobody told me, I- I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I’m not hurt,” he said gently, trying to calm her. “It wasn’t that serious of an accident. No one else was hurt either. I messed up, but I’m waiting on the Dondai to be fixed and then it’ll all be ok.”

“You hit a guard rail, you could have gone through it, gone into the ravine and gotten really hurt!” Connie shouted. Steven cursed internally that his dad gave her all the details.

“I got lucky, I wasn’t going that fast when it happened.” He soothingly replied. “I also only grazed the side of the car. I’m ok, I promise.”

“I- I’m scared Steven,” she said, voice quaking. “What if this happens again? I don’t want to-” She choked down a sob.

“I don’t want it to either Connie.” His voice thick with emotion, but soft. His gut had twisted when he heard her start crying. “I’ll be more careful.”

“Falling asleep at the wheel kills people,” she bawled. “You could have hit a pole or tree or building! I don’t want to lose you.” His mouth went dry, heart thudding heavily as it had after the accident. “A- a-and if you do get into trouble, I want to know about it. Don’t leave me in the dark again. I hate it.”

“I’m sorry. I should have called. Your parents might be mad, though.”

“Well mom knows, I texted her after I got off the phone with Greg.” She admitted quietly. His pacing stopped, mind spinning. “She knows not to tell the Gems, though, your dad told me you didn’t want them to know, and I told her that.” Steven took a few breaths, trying to stop the tangled thought spiral of panic after knowing Dr. Maheswaran had been told about this accident. “So she’ll understand if you need to call after dark. Honestly, if you have to drive somewhere late, and you want to just talk on the phone to keep yourself from falling asleep, I’ll take that over worrying you won’t make it home.”

“Dad offered to do that too.”

“If you don’t call me on the ride, just text me that you got home when you leave my house. If I know you’re safe, I’ll sleep better at night.”

“I can do that.” He murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m glad you’re ok.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t hit anything else. The car was scratched up but other than the passenger side mirror falling off, most of the damage isn’t too bad. I needed some other work done so they’re doing all of it today. I’ll be back on the road tomorrow.” He paused. “And I’ll be more careful from now on.”

“I sure hope you will,” she replied anxiously. “Why aren’t you getting enough sleep?” Steven chewed the inside of his lip as he considered what to say.

“It’s just been really busy lately.” Steven said, shrugging. “Little Homeschool takes up a lot of time, and some days are harder than others to get enough sleep.”

“Please try to take care of yourself, ok?” she urged. “I want you to be safe.”

“I know, I’ll try to be better about it. I don’t like making you worry.”

“My mom’s going to make you take a tea with you if you try to leave while yawning too much.”

“Yeah, just, please don’t tell Pearl. I don’t think I could take her hiding my car keys to make sure I don’t have any accidents. I don’t want to have to rely on Lion again, he disappears for days at a time, and warps can’t get me everywhere.”

“I won’t. I know you like your independence.”

“Are you still mad?” Steven asked.

“A little bit, but I know you understand, so I feel a lot better.”

“I hope you can forgive me.”

“As long as I know you’ll be more careful. I won’t stop talking to you over it.”

“Good, that was awful last time.”

“Yeah, but we made it through.” Connie paused. “I should probably tell mom you’re doing ok, I stopped texting her after you called me.”

“Ok, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye,” Connie replied, and hung up. Steven put his phone back in his pocket. He walked back to the pair of beach chairs his dad had at the front of It’s a Wash. He laid back in the chair and sighed.

Greg came out of the office where he kept his microwave and mini fridge with a piping hot egg and cheese wrap on a paper plate, in one hand and two sodas in the other. “Everything ok, Schtu-ball? I got a bite to eat if you want.” Greg offered the sandwich to Steven, which he took, but wouldn’t meet his dad’s eyes. “You mad?”

“Yeah, kind of,” Steven said, shrugging. “She brought up some good points though. She was yelling and crying, which made me feel bad that it was my fault, but I was gonna tell her later, just not today.”

“Well, I figured you should have somebody else to talk about this with.” Greg replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “I probably shouldn’t have pressed as much, but I know you feel guilty about the car, and if you won’t talk to the gems or me, somebody’s gotta check in with you, you know?”

“I hate being the reason she’s upset,” Steven muttered, taking a bite of the sandwich. The pair looked to the setting sun, and Greg sat down, placing one soda next to Steven’s chair and kept the other in his hand. ”I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

“We all make mistakes, kiddo.” Greg said. “I know I did, at your age. As long as you’re learning from them and you don’t get hurt doing reckless things, we’re not going to hold it against you. She’s angry with you because I know the two of you mean a lot to each other. And you mean the world to me. Just be more careful, ok?”

“Yeah,” Steven replied.

Greg and Steven spent the evening in quiet reflection, enjoying the sunset and each other’s company. Greg could only be grateful that Steven’s first accident hadn’t been worse. No one could replace the love he had in his heart for his son, though he knew Steven had the love of many. He hoped one day that Steven’s best friend would be the one he thought that way about, too.

[0225pm]

wow the quality of the video really sucks after it has been compressed but well i don’t have a choice!

anyway, i’m moving back to tumblr again mainly cus wordpress sucks and it’s not allowing me to post videos unless i buy their premium plan which is tbh a no cus idk why platforms for blogging should even charge you for the features that they were supposed to have???? also sadly, tumblr also only lets you post 1 video per post limit which is why i’ve put the pics and videos i took into in one but it’s better than not being able to post a video at all.

so it’s our monthsary!!!!

we’ve been officially together for 3 years and 5 months now and wow, i’ve only just realised what a long time that is 😂 honestly, if you want to count how long it has been since we first met each other, it’ll probably be about 8 years now. tho han sees it as 8 years but i see it as 3y5m cus idk who he was back then ya know what i mean? like i know the 3y5m him now than the him 8 years ago.

han sent me his live location as he does so every sat, and i was late. even tho he came all the way to my place i was still late :/ and i was so sorry 😭 i know there shouldn’t be any excuses for my lateness but i have my reasons, even if anyone thinks it isn’t valid :/ so i alr prepared right? like i mentally prepared and visualize what i wanna wear and etc. and so i went to take a shower and all. and then my mom all of a sudden asked me to do things like ordering food for her, clipping her nails, airfrying some sotong balls cus she was feeling peckish. initially she asked me to order food, which i then did but it was immediately cancelled due to the weather. it suddenly rained really heavily. and then while i was in her room drying my hair, she suddenly said she wanted sotong balls which i then went to airfry. and then when i alr did that and continued drying my hair, she then asked me to clip her nails and i was like “i’m going out ibu later farhan will be waiting for me alr” and she was like nvm la it will only take a while. so i did that and then i had to just rush cus i checked his live location and he was alr nearing tenaga area which is so damn close to my place alr. then i quickly picked out the outfit i wanted to wear. i mean come on, it’s our monthsary and i wanted to dress up right and i alr had this mental image of what i wanna wear right? so i took it out, wore it and then i realized that it was still a bit rainy??? like kinda drizzling so i figured he’ll be coming up first to wait till the rain totally stops but he texted me asking me to come down instead. and at this point i was sweating profusely. yeah, it was rainy but i was feeling so warm from rushing and doing so many things at once. oh ya, i was wearing this satin white shirt with shorts and that was my initial outfit like it looks laidback and casual and effortless but i decided to change cus i was perspiring and it felt so uncomfortable wearing a satin material when you’re perspiring like heck!! so i ended up wearing my fav tee with the same shorts and brought my hoodie along. it’s also my fav hoodie from uniqlo. i think their hoodie quality is bomz it’s not too thick or too thin and i wanna buy more but maybe wait till they have sales or something. so i ended up just looking super hobo as heck like it just looks like i didn’t even bother to dress up and i felt sad but i didn’t want han to be waiting even longer.

so when i went down he was alr sitting at the seats at the void deck and i can feel anger radiating within him lol like i knew he was mad and he still had his helmet on and his rain jacket on and all. and then he gave me different options of where to go for our lunch and then i just sat there pondering for a bit. and then i asked him if he wanted to put the jacket and pants at home but he didn’t want to so he took it off and then put it on the table and he took off his helmet as well. and then i asked him if we could eat at genki and he told me that genki was one of the options that he forgot to list so we decided on genki! his anger didn’t last long and as he stood up to head over to his bike i went to him and open up my arms cus i just wanted to hug him lolol then at first he tried to act all “ew” and moved away but he ended up hugging me anyway hehe and then don’t want to let go lol so bobo so cute. honestly i’m still shy??? around him wtf. like when i initiated the hug itself i felt so shy loooooollllll and when he didn’t wanna let go it made me blush wtf but ofc he can’t see cus we have to wear the stupid mask bc of stupid covid. i hate it wtf my face is so sensitive and it’s breaking out bc of having to wear the mask so my skin can’t breathe. like what’s the point of me not wearing makeup underneath the mask when i still break out anyway right zzz hais. ok sorry side track a bit but ya hahaha so then i told him i wanted to show him something!!! and then he was like “eh eh who said you let go” or was it “who said you can stop hugging” but it’s either one la hahaha then i took his hand and pull down my mask and then kissed his hand 😂 then i told him to look and i said “no transfer”!!!!!! hahahahaha cus i was wearing this lipstick and wtf man the formula is damn amazing really didn’t transfer anywhere at all. i even kissed my own hand and i even drank water but not transfer AT ALL. it was a gift i got from two years back i think hahaha for my bday from rai, a kylie kit and i haven’t worn it out before mainly bc the color didn’t suit my skintone cus the shade felt so light but when i wore it this time it felt like the shade was darker somehow? idk if i became pale from staying at home all the time or idk lol but i like the shade now 😌

oh at first i didn’t wanna go to tampines cus we always go to tampines hahaha and i guess i made a face and han teased me about it lol as much as it annoys me it’s a good kind of annoying? 😂 cus he’s so cute whenever he teases me in that way lolol but we ended up just heading to tampines anyway cus he wanted to save up on petrol also and i thought ok ya cus he has to work now and he has to go to and fro everyday so it’s better for him to save the petrol as well. i put on my hoodie and then we went to the usual parking spot at tampines. and then bc both of our masks were down i could actually kiss him hehe. and then from there we walked to the front entrance of the mall cus of this covid there’s only one in and out entrance but entering was a breeze tbh cus even tho there was a long line, we didn’t have to wait long.

then we went up to the escalator. and genki wasn’t crowded at all either so that was great!!! we did the safe entry thing, got our temperature taken and got our seats. then we ordered some food hehe. i was excited cus lol i love genki. not as much as i love my bf but if i have to choose an express sushi shop i would choose genki 😂 i wanted something soupy and filling so i got their beef udon since i alr had their duck udon the previous time we went there. and then i got a drink and chawanmushi as an appetizer. i love their chawanmushi as well and it’s something i will always get. i used to buy their clams miso soup but since it was taken out of the menu, i got their chawanmushi instead. and i was so happy when han decided to try the chawanmushi!!!!! i’ve always knew him as someone that wasn’t into eggs but he actually liked this one!! and he even ate the prawn and the naruto/japanese fish cake when i fed it to him omg 😭😭😭 i was legit so happy wtf hahahaha and then his fried squid came, also one of the hot foods i will always order but usually i’ll get it if i didn’t buy any of the udon. but since i alr got the udon i didn’t order it. and then his mini chicken teriyaki don came and lol the bowl was rly so mini ahahaha i wish i took a picture of it but i didn’t. but it was worth for the price of $4 i think since it was actually filled to the brim. there was even slices of tamago in it. he fed me a spoonful and it was nice!!! i’m gonna try that next time i go to genki if i’m feeling like eating rice 😂 i like udon cus of the chewy texture of the noodles and the soup. and then a plate of mentaiko fries came 🤤 there was A LOT of mentaiko on it it was so amazing and i was so surprise cus i didn’t order it but at the end of the day han said that he saw that i didn’t order the fries so he ordered it for me 🥺😍 so sweet hais and i really enjoyed it. i love genki’s mentaiko sauce it’s so damn goooooodddddd. so salty so nice. and then my udon came hehe and i devoured it. i fed han some too and gave him one of the fish cakes cus i think they made a mistake and put two pieces. the udon was so good i love it hahahaha. and then han ordered a seaweed roll, 2 more beef sushi and 1 mentaiko salmon for me hehe yes i know how to eat salmon now!!!! but it must be seared. i still can’t eat raw ones unless i rly dipped it in soy sauce or if it’s cut super thinly then maybe can try 😅

then after we finished eating, we went up to see if we can catch a movie. i wasn’t sure if we’re allowed to sit together so i asked him to ask first if we have to be separated and yay we don’t have to separate!!! so we decided to watch train to busan 2: peninsula. since we alr watched the first one together and there wasn’t much movies that were showing so we decided to catch the 5:10pm slot. it’s been so so so long since we last watched a movie tgt so this was nice. we didn’t get anything to eat since we just ate and i was still full but we had some time so we went to fairprice and got some candies. then farhan bought a root beer slushy which turns out to be scam!!! cus it’s just ice and it was practically solidified even after the movie was over it didn’t even melt much within 2 hours wtf. and then he also got a hotdog bun 😂

the movie was great. not as great as the first one cus the first one was definitely much more impactful but this one was not too bad. a bit too much “racing” scenes but i guess it’s to keep its audience on the toes. the storyline is a bit meh as well but i guess the suspense from some parts made up for it. it’s quite tragic though.

and then after the movie, i asked han if he still wanted pizza but when we saw the queue there was still a bunch of people waiting for their orders. even some foodpanda and grab delivery riders were waiting so i told him we’ll just order in and at first he was like we’ll see how but i ordered anyway. then we went out to head home and han finally lighted a cigarette. hahahaha he actually had to suppressed his desire to smoke cus we didn’t have time since i chose the earlier slot for the movie and im so proud of him for being able to suppress the feeling and yet not turning into a cranky momok.

while on the way back, he wanted to top up some petrol so we stopped by spc and then he wanted to top up his cashcard so we had to go one big round from the carpark to where he can top up his card but the machine is stupid!!! and he got upset cus he wasn’t able to top up his card. i think he still prefers the card with chip reader than the contactless ones. so then we decided to head to 7-11 so he can purchase one with chip but they ran out. so we decided to find another petrol station cus he said usually it’s being sold there too. so we did and this time round i guess i was being cranky cus the seat of his bike was eating into my skin and it hurts like heck so i told him to just top up the card since they don’t have the chip ones and he needed to top up anyway but then in front there was another petrol station and apparently they had a chip + contactless card there and i think they only accepted cash for it so he came out and then went in back and bought one there. and i was still cranky lol and i was perspiring so much both from my scalp to my body and it was drizzling too so all i wanted to do was head home so i got upset and i lashed it out on him when we made our way back cus he kept trying to make a joke out of the pain i felt and it just triggered me cus it’s like he doesn’t understand how much it hurts??

but it’s not his fault. cus i’m the one that chose to wear shorts even tho i know how much it hurts when i sit too long on the bike. and then he said he’ll cut the netting off but i was like no wtf. cus 1, we don’t meet everyday which sucks but ya we don’t and thus i’m not the one sitting on the back of his bike everyday so having to sit one day out of the week doesn’t bother me as much as having to sit on it everyday ya know what i mean? and 2, the parts that are still protected which is probably about 90-80% of the seat is still useable so it’ll be able to help protect the other areas from getting damage by the claws of cats.

and then when we got back, he wanted to pass his gummies to me but no one in this household eats gummies or candies. my mom can’t even eat sugary content cus of health, my dad isn’t a fan of gummies or candies he much prefers chips and chocolates and my brother too prefers chocolates or ice creams. i don’t like sugary content either but unless it comes from cakes or pastries or ice creams or chocolates so rly, no one is gonna eat it. and then he got mad at me and all i could hear was “you do to me can but when i’m doing it to you cannot” and i didn’t get what he meant by that tbh so i just kept quiet all the way till we’re home. i quickly took off my hoodie, changed into a more comfortable shorts went to take a piss and then went into my room. i sat down for awhile in front of the fan cus i was sweating so much and then i cooled down before i apologized to him and then asked him if he was still upset. i tried to get him to explain what he meant but couldn’t get anything out of him cus he just prefers to sweep it under the rug whereas i like to talk about it so i can see what i did wrong or which areas i have to improve or change so it can better our lives ya know but he’s not like that and i have to understand it so i just kept quiet and then i kissed him and stroked his face and hair a little.

and then he asked me if the pizza was here and i said ya hahaha it’s alr in the kitchen and whether he wants me to take it so he was like yes and as i was going to take the pizza he grabbed me and hugged me tight and i just instantly melted. it was genuinely hot lol i like this kinda shit hahahahaha but i’ve always felt afraid that i was gonna hurt him with my weight so i didn’t dare do anything that will shift my whole weight onto him but he didn’t care and he said it doesn’t hurt 🥺 haissss

honestly going home was all i was looking forward to. it’s not bc i’m horny lol or maybe that’s one of the reason but it’s mainly bc i just want to lay in his arms and just cuddle and give him kisses and also receive kisses. i’ve missed him all week long and we haven’t really been able to talk much since he’s working and he’s always tired when he gets home but it’s good that he’s working hard for his future and for our future.

and then the time for him to head home came. a truly saddening end of the day and he left a little later than usual but i’m just glad he got home safely and didn’t get lectured for being home a little late.

[davidfostercomedyblog]

8 Things Dad & Biggie Smalls Had in Common

I don’t remember when we discovered that Dad shared his birthday with Biggie Smalls, but I remember how happy it made us. Shortly thereafter, we found out the two also shared their birthday with Mr. T and Havoc from Mobb Deep. This made us even happier. Somewhere underneath this WASP from Staten Island we called “DAD,” was there some intimidating, young black thug? We liked to believe so.

Coincidences like these might seemingly make it difficult to defend astrology. I mean, what did Dad have in common with these self-proclaimed killers who rapped mostly about sex, money and getting intoxicated, usually in the same breath? I guess a lot, actually. Dad enjoyed a drink or three on occasion (each day) and drove a 7-series Beemer at the height of his career. He grew up in New York with a single mom, definitely loved music, and now I’m starting to wonder who he might have killed? Probably some Red Sox or Dallas Cowboys fan. I’m sure he had his reasons.

Dad and Biggie were two of my favorite men, obviously on opposite ends of the spectrum in familiarity; but love comes in many expressions. I loved the Notorious D.A.D. in a way I could never love B.I.G., but the inverse is probably equally true.

As a newly married man with fantasies of family (FOF?) I imagine this is a brutal reality to prepare for: After puberty my kids will come to love certain strangers, as much, if not more than they love me, just in a different way. Fortunately I figure also from my own personal experience that they’ll never weep tears of appreciation while discussing “their Biggie Smalls” (at least I hope not), whereas I can barely talk about Dad for 60 seconds without crying.

I’d like to examine the 8 things DAD and BIG shared in common, not in defense of astrology, but in the interest of commemoration and highlighting fundamental human similarities over superficial differences, an important theme in our present time. Of course there are likely more than 8, but 8 is a conspicuous in Eastern philosophy… and there’s the ages they would have turned today:

1.     DAD would be 88! BIG would be 48! Crazy Eights… and three 8’s equals 24, which is half of 48. I guess I’m admittedly more curious what Biggie would be up to these days, since Dad’s cognitive and physical plateau of his twilight decade was sadly typical. Many wonder if hip hop would have died the way it did shortly after BIG if he hadn’t. I assume it still would have, as one of the great historical constants (in music) is change, and just as the Beatles eventually gave way to Poison and Def Leppard, Biggie would have given way to Drake and Lil Wayne. I wonder if he’d still be with Faith. I wonder if Jay-Z would have risen to become the godfather/Russell Simmons figure of the culture. Would he and BIG have shared the title or would it have been exclusive to BIG, and would anyone be using the term “bae?” Who knows?

2.     Brilliant writer: Dad never completed his personal memoir (he did start it) but he was definitely the Biggie Smalls of birthday cards and personal letters. Getting a hand-written letter from my father was as if sent from a lost time of years past. It was as if he’d sent it from the 1940’s, pre-war. Although not in old English, it felt like it should have been, with thoughtful prose and a finely crafted penmanship in the kind of thin black ink only found on the desks of corporate big wigs. There were no clichés or generic thoughts in Dad’s cards – instead specific reflections on the year past and that to come. Similarly, Biggie is credited as one of the greatest lyricists of all time. While pretentious fools naively rank Tupac higher, those who know (better) are able to distinguish between conscious subject matter and clever writing. Tupac was kind of the Christopher Nolan of rap, tackling profound topics, but at the expense of quality art. Instead, Biggie rapped about what guys in their early 20’s knew best: Sex and weed. His brilliance was in execution and content, the cleverness of his metaphors and witty humor he was able to ironically weave into raps on dark topics, a la Quentin Tarantino from the same era.

3.     Humor: I have many memories from childhood of workdays when Dad would take me with him into the office. Our arrival on the floor was like a moving comedy show as he would shout at receptionists into open doorways at friends, occasionally with mild expletives like George Costanza’s corporate colleagues from Houston. Everyone loved him. Everyone laughed at Dad’s jokes, including Mom at home, but I always laughed longest and loudest and he’d look at me affectionately, acknowledging: “My biggest fan.”

4.     Golden Era’s: Just as Biggie spearheaded the golden era of hip hop, alongside Nas and Mobb Deep, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z and Wu-Tang, Dad was an ad executive in Manhattan when it was still cool to be an ad executive in Manhattan. Just like BIG was a Bad Boy, Dad was Madmen, the show that enlightened me to the fact that Dad’s glass of Dewar’s on the rocks he’d pour nightly after getting home was probably not his first of the day. In any case, both men were patriarchal pillars of culturally defining movements in New York City history. I’m very proud of that.

5.     “Cheese, eggs and Welch’s Grape:” For Dad it was more like cheeseburgers and Dewar’s scotch, but let’s be honest – neither BIG nor DAD could recall when they last wore a 32 waist. When Mom would go shopping for shirts Dad would call out to reminder her: “Extra Chubby,” which could just as easily have translated to “Extra Biggie.” We all loved Dad’s belly.

6.     “Crazier than a bag of fuckin’ angel dust! When I bust my gat motherfuckers take dirt naps!” OK, to my knowledge Dad never owned a gat or busted it at anyone, but I never saw anyone more out of control than when Scott Norwood missed that field goal in Super Bowl 25. Dad frightened all of the kids in the party as he bumrushed the television, screaming: Fuck you, Marv (Levy)! Fuck you! As far as we all know Marv Levy is a sweetheart.

7.     168th Street: Odd coincidence, I found out Biggie Smalls died while I was skateboarding at the triangle on 168th St. and Broadway, across the street from Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. 20 years later I found out my father died as I held his hand on 168th Street inside Columbia Presbyterian Hospital.

8.     Me: I think we have many parents in life, the most important of which by far being our biological ones, but our psycho-emotional development is then undoubtedly impacted and shaped by best friends, romantic partners, idols and society on the whole. It is on enormously different scales – extra chubby, biggie size different scales – but I wouldn’t be who I am without the Notorious DAD or the Notorious BIG. I thank you. I love you. RIP.