#ok no more drama people im just so tired that i have to deal with this everyday because cait (and vi) are my fave characters lmao

[arcanegifs]

im too exhausted to argue anymore at this point

ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS S2 (2024) "This is what you asked for, heavy is the crown Fire in the sunrise, ashes rainin' down Try to hold it in, but it keeps bleedin' out This is what you asked for, heavy is the Heavy is the crown"

[hugollorizz]

i’m here sorry for the hour! (i think we have the same time zone) SOO one of my biggest hc, because i’m a drama lover and love suffering,, i think they fight really rarely but when it happens it’s a big deal and they both suffers so much having an argument with each other 😭..brahim is always the one who say sorry but he does with actions and not really verbally because my other hc is that his love language is physical touch (it feels just real YK?!?).

THOSE ARE MY PRINCIPAL ONES BUT I HAVE A LOT MORE HC, BUT I THINK I WILL WRITE THESE AFTER SCHOOL TOMORROW (today basically lmao) BECAUSE IM SO TIRED😭😭

OHH AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT, just as yk i read anything u wrote on AO3 and i really love the way you write emotions, dialogues, sensations and the scenes ITS JUST AMAZING,, and i can’t wait for you to write more😭😭🫶🏻🫶🏻 (this text is so long helpp) ohh and my favorite one is absolutely “”i want to hear your breath (just next to my soul)”” I LITERALLY READ THIS LIKE 26382728 TIMESS🫶🏻

AND NOTHING SORRY FOR THIS REALLY LOOOONG AND BORING TEXT, (i’m so talkative when i talk about things i love lol)

love youu💕🫶🏻😭

(i hope you understood this because my english is so bad sometimes and so confusing☹️☹️)

hii!!!

right off the bat, drama and suffering? girl same 😭😭 HDNFKJFJ ES YES BIG YES that is so 100% how it goes, like they're both dumbass supreme fr it's bound to not end well sometimes (ಥ_ಥ)

AAAAAAAA as for saying sorry, ur soo right brahim is definitely the one to do it first bc honestly? look at theo bro does he look like he'd ever say sorry FKSHFJKKK 💀 ok jk he probably would if he realllyyy had to but yk... but really, that's so cute to imagine and also kinda sad pfft-

& ahh yes the age old struggling to verbally say sorry is so both of them fr... both of them are a little stubborn for that hehehehe

i totally see physical touch being their love language hdnfksskkk aaaaa U KNOW THEM SOO WELL this is so accurate i' cryingggfggf

THANK YOU SO MUCHH FOR SHARING THESE,, and wow,, even more? i'm blessed fr ah 🥹

AND OH! i'm,, (❁´◡`❁) thank you infinitely, i'm soo glad there are people out there who like what i make it makes me soo happy, and of course i will write more for them, always!!!! :,-) *☆。

PLSS DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE LENGTH, i love getting long asks, they're absolutely the best to answer, and it wasn't boring at all AA already made my whole day has me smiling like an idiot etc etc,,

i'm also reaaaally talkative about these things, i get itttt and pls feel free to talk about them (or anything else!!!) whenever u want to!!

i love them fghdd

and love u too omg thank u sooo much 💐(´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) 💌💌

(yes of course i did!!! not confusing at alll and your english is really good don't worry pleaseee)

[visionthefox]

I'm curious, since you've critiqued the way she has been introduced and utilized in the show thus far, how would you write Earth and her arc if you were to?

well- I think I need to say first, I was rather... cruel to her, when she showed up-so I do have to say sorry to her fans! and who made that old old model of her.- sorry! this got long so, here , resume : make her mature- make her emotinally smarter- make her win her place and not be given so easy- make her stand her ground too - make her be more that the "helper" --if you wanna read me then click--

with this said, I guess- if she was really needed to light up the mood and the whole arc of OldMoon dying .. I guess I would keep her as a "mother friend" type of way, she is not this clueless, and totally would not allow Monty to talk to her that way.. I think I would keep her someone emotinally smart, calm, she will take note of those details most would ignore, and would think what to say- and when to stay out of the chat- she would be watching- while also giving space-she is that smart! she would Not be calling these stangers her brothers, and mostly, would listen to Moon, I never liked how she showed up to Sun and stared to touch him and talk to him as if she knew him.. totally not ok is you dont actually know the person.. (personal take- never touch someone when is this emotional- you dont know how they will react..) I feel that, since she wont be walking away, since she was send here! she would look around the place, learning from details when no one is around, and once Sun, eventually comes back, feeling so down and tired, she would give him space. explain "I was send here by the one who made us, Im supposed to be a new member of your family but, I can see this is not the right time, so, please I ask to be allowed to stay around, I offer my help if that means I get to stay" I feel thats how she should win her place, Like Lunar and LIke Solar, knowing well this is not the best of times, and doing her best to be helpfull, and not be in the way- she will accept if the 3 people do not like her, she understand it- and do her best to change their minds in small ways not that whole "talk to me talk to me im you sister talk to me talk to me" deal- but a more "im gonna do small actions to show, not tell" type of way.. (like say, keep the place clean to Sun and keep Moon in check) I feel like if she was would actually act like a older sister, a more, mature figure ,smart and gentle when needed to, she is Earth, she is supposed to be "the best" of them (as creator said) - but also, be someone who NOT let anyone walk on her- she would be a bear- a fighter, a strong woman! with a gentle side. And her flaws? maybe just being a bit overprotective? as she is a more caring figure, and would not let anyone talk down to her family, - ergo kick Monty ass- maybe also just be better with kids, making Sun feel bad? creating some drama but also development in the whole "caretaker" area. maybe also show who is her favorite at times? cant be helped! but she would learn to love everyone also- take away the "play pretend to be therapist" thing, I know she was made to have those knowladge FOR KIDDOS, but I feel that just ruin it, she is not the "famale character everyone use to vent and expect her to fix it all " in THAT way but imagine if she, depending on her mood, would let her family come to her and talk TALK like Lunar did to Monty, or Moon to Monty- but BETTER, is heart to heart, she knows she doesnt know it all, (making her eager to learn and such, bond with Moon) but is there to at least listen.. let them come to her, and if needed, get someone involved too. idk, make her be a more full character.. make her be that happy light in the constant drama, and also finally a protector too..

[bizarrescribblez]

👯‍♂️, 💘, and 💞? Give us the deets :3

AAAAAAA HI RUBY IM SO. LATE TO ANSWERING THESE OHMYGOSH 😭 I’ve had a few busy mornings so I’ve been tired and end up forgetting I had these BUT NOW I WILL FINALLY ANSWER AND TYSM FOR SENDING 🥺💗

👯‍♂️: What canon character are you most similar to?

I feel like to anybody who has watched the show this answer might be very obvious, but I feel like I’m a lot like Toki! :) ofc because of his optimistic attitude and his whimsical nature, but he also tends to say the most out of pocket shit ever and I’ve been caught by friends doing the same thing too IFJSN SO I’D SAY WE’RE VERY SIMILAR and to anybody who’s never seen him here he is!! My best friend!! We collect plushies together!!

💘: Why would people love your ship? Why would people dislike your ship? How might it start debates?

Omg you know well people would dislike my ships because it would get in the way of their ships JDBSJSNSN THE FANDOM FIGHTS WOULD BE SO CRAZY. I think mainly with my ship with Skwisgaar that fans would be annoyed that his trait of being the “sex god” would be gone once we’re together. Same with Nathan expect fans (mainly the older ones) would be mad Nathan would be more softer/domestic like once we get together. I CAN SERIOUSLY GO OFF ABOUT IT but those are my main points. Although I think my ship with Murderface would prob have the most love since it’d give him more development @ his insecurities/how he views himself..

💞: Aside from with your f/o, who else would you commonly be shipped with? Why?

Omg the way these technically are all side ships/established canon ex relationships in my head but it’s too embarrasing to get into BUT. The drama factor of all of these is insane. Ofc Seth. Rolls my eyes. HE’S AN F/O but people would ship it for that good old ‘lovers to enemies to what is their deal’ type beat to it! And ofc theres dethklok minute host (the name i gave him is marc tackett in case you’re confused why i call him marc) with the drama of one sided love (the love is on his end poor guy..) and ofc theres Rikki Kixx and Twinkletits.. I just think they are cutie patooties and people would be intrigued by the mystery of our romance tbh since for Rikki he’s only in one episode and with Twinkletits there would be a lot of awkward silence in scenes with us in the same room OK IM DONE RAMBLING HERES WHAT THESE GOOBS LOOK LIKE cuz i love showing the boys off 😔

oh yeah i feel like people would also ship me with knubbler too since I feel like we’d have a lot of side plot moments together and he helps me a lot with recording and such JFJDJD plus it makes sense since he is blonde like skwisgaar (and marc but he’s totally bleached blonde).. can i get five more of these little blonde bitches..

[cauldroncreations]

forgot to mention that at the time i wrote this we were running a three person floor actually minus me because i had to take a lunch which is something my boss stresses HAS to happen because it's just an opportunity for her to cut labor/costs even further like she will not let u refuse a lunch even if it means leaving only two people on the floor. it wouldn't have HAD to be a two person floor while i was on my lunch if she would have just gotten out there but like yea whatever. whatever she just wants us all to kill ourselves i guess. im honestly just rlly gonna get into the meat and potatoes of this rn cause thats not even all of it ok so this guy seth has his availability so tight that he can basically only open. sometimes he can be our first in like directly after opening but no matter what his availability is set so that he leaves 11am. so he can only come in at 5am to open or 5:30am as our first in right. k so sunday mornings, they don't like scheduling people so that they leave before 12ish. cause sunday mornings it keeps rolling til then cause everyone is goijg to church then gettijg out of church etc right. k so seth can only be scheduled to open on sundays, can't be scheduled first in, because that would mean the openers PLUS first in would all leave before 12. and with openers leaving before 12 is non negotiable because the max shift they want SMs to schedule baristas for is 5 and 3/4 of an hour, cause that is just under the 6 hours that would earn u a lunch right. and the thing about seth is. even though he has set his availability to where he can only open. he fucking hates opening. crazy right. and so he called out for his opening shift today and i was scheduled to be first in from 6:15-12 but came in at 5 to help open. and even though we used to handle this situation by like, if u come in to cover someone's opening, then u also just swap over to the time they leave as well. but recently after drama w my sm where she yelled at me for missing a store meeting after my sister hashtag fuckign died and i went to the district manager about her, she has been doing this very fun cute thing where if u come in at 5 to cover for an opener, u still have to stay til ur originally scheduled time. not even a huge deal. EXCEPT for the fact that she MAKES u take a lunch. so. 6:15-12 is 5.75 hours. 5-12 is a whole 7 hours. not a bad bump in pay u know. BUT the lunch actually makes it 6.5 hours. not even a whole hour more than the original shift. not even fucking worth the time bro. and it sucks SHIT, because obviously u COULD just leave the remaining 2 openers dangling in the fucking wind, but that woukd be shit because me amd my coworkers actually care about each other. and it just feels like my sm is trying to punish the people who actually make an effort and try to make sure the floor is covered and we can open properly instead of punishing the people who call out all the fucking time. this same situation that happened to me today has happened twice to my bf as well over the SAME PERSON (SETH) MISSING HIS OPENING SHIFTS !!!!! ITS LIKE WHY ARE U SO FUCKING ANGRY WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY TRY AUGHHHHHHHHH GNASHES TEETH WAILS CRIES OUT WRITHES IN AGONY BANGS HEAD ON WALL NO ONE IS EVEN GONNA READ THIS IM JUSY SO PISSED OFF AND IM TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE DOG SHIT ACTUAL DOG SHIT OVER FUCKING NOTHING I KID U NOT I DID NOTHING TO THIS WOMAN SHE JUST DECIDED THAT SINCE WE ARENT TOTAL BESTIES AND I DONT CARE ABOUT TALKING ABOUT SCARY MOVIES OR GAME OF THRONES WITH HER THAT WE ARE SWORN MORTAL ENEMIES AND ITS LIKE IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY I WAS FINE BEING CIVIL WITH U I WAS NEVER FUCKING RUDE TO THIS WOMAN LIKE OBVIOUSLY CAUSE SHE IS MY FUCKING BOSS WHY WOULD I BE RUDE TO MY BOSS THAT WOULD BE IDIOTIC BUT SHE ACTS LIKE I FUCKING!!!!!! KILLED HER DOG OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!! yea just to go back to the whole sister dying thing. yea i got the news she died on a friday and a store meeting was scheduled for the following monday from 5-7. at the time my days off were monday and tuesday and i am obvs a morning shift worker so my f

why does my boss come in and just start eating breakfast in the back why is she never on the floor at her scheduled time why can't she die

[equallyshaw]

Can you do something where the reader is just really sad and crying so Matthew tkachuk comforts her pls?

Ofcourse!!! thankyou for requesting :)

it had been a long day for olivia. well,that was an understatement. she had been in and out of watching the game with the rest of the wags at the arena, but she has been constantly battling stress and anxiety for the past few weeks. unbeknownst to Matthew ofcourse, usually when she gets all stressed from her job or things that come up with her family- she will mask everything so he doesn't have to worry about anything while he is home. sometimes, she is able to cope with it through some of the wags or coworkers who are dealing with the same things. all in all, Matthew never finds out about these things and she wants to keep it that way.

yet that wasn't going to happen. late in the second period, she felt herself getting more and more anxious being around these people and wanted to leave. she thought she could make it to the end, but a fellow wag told her to leave and take some time before Matthew came home to destress. olivia walked out to the family parking lot near the arena and hopped in her car, hoping to get home quickly. as soon as she turned on her car, she felt the tears start to become too much and fall out. the past few weeks had been grueling. she was dealing with never-ending family drama. which olivia thinks that Matthew could never understand, because of how blessed he had been with his. it was always something she didn't talk much about, and he always wondered why. olivia pulled away into the night, getting home quickly in about 25 minutes.

she shut off her phone as soon as she had left the arena, just so she wouldn't be disturbed or felt like she 'had' to respond to anything urgent. she just wanted to shut the world out, for once before she saw matt. she threw her clothes off as soon as she hit the bathroom, ready for a hot shower. quickly hopping in and taking in the steam that begged to soothe her aching body. her worn out and tired body, that had been fighting internally for many weeks. it was time, and olivia was due for a well-needed cry session. it was something she could control, among so many things she could not. the tears rolled out for minutes at a time, what seemed to be a half hour. she shut off the shower and slipped in quickly to her fuzzy oversized robe. she took in the comforting and what seemed like a hug that she was giving herself. her robe comforted her in ways, she could not express to anybody.

she made her way out to the kitchen to make some coco, not knowing matthew had come home five minutes ago. she had been in the shower for some time, not realizing it had been that long. matthew took in the girl's appearance, she was in shambles. he didn't know why. she looked exhausted, defeated and so unlike herself. they hadn't seen eachother in a week so he really didn't know what was going on. olivia jumped at the sudden surprise, before turning around and sighing as she made her coco. "I thought you went to the game?" He questioned, and she shivered. "I did but I left early. Sorry." She said softly turning on the tea kettle. she turned around to face him and he waved it off. "I tried, I tried so hard to stay Matt. I just couldn't, im sorry." She said begining to sob. He immeditly rushed over, and took ahold of the sad girl in his arms. "Shhh, im here. it's ok. You're ok." He murmured many times, trying to comfort the girl. She shook her head, pulling back a bit to wipe her tears. "Hey, its ok." He smiled softly, wiping the rest of her tears. She nodded, pulling back all the way to turn off the kettle. Matthew wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He questioned, and she sighed knowing he wouldn't want to hear what she had to say. "You don't want to know." She mused, pulling away and walking back to the bathroom to do her skincare routine. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" He questioned, following her. "I just-just don't want to tell you and have you not understand. This one thing hurts and is better to talk to people who understand it." She confessed, beginning her routine. trying not to cry. Matthew leaned against the threshold, his suit jacket and tie already off. "Try me." He retorted and briefly made eye contact. She looked down, debating if she wanted to talk to him. "It's uh my family, and like, it's nowhere near what you have and like i try so hard to fix them, and to make an effort to spend time with them but nothing works and it-" she paused trying not to cry again. Matthew walked to the girl and pulled her into a hug, "It's not your job to fix them or force them to be with you if they aren't making an effort. it's a two way street, love. i see how much it's killing you tonight and before- it's not worth it. let them come around." He comforted and she nodded, sniffling. "It just makes me so grateful to have you guys as my chosen family. it was like the first time we met, your mom and sister wanted everything to do with me. i'd never had that and it just warms my heart that's all." She said shutting her eyes. Matthew smiled at her confession, and made him even more grateful for his family. "I love you Oli." He said kissing her head, making her smile widely. "I love you too matty."

hope you enjoyed :)

[pumpkinpaix]

this is gonna sound so harsh but im legit tired of chinese diaspora people who think that bc they are of chinese descent and they have pleco they can act like voices of authority in the fandom. if modao is the 1st chinese book you have read pieces of with a dictionary, if you have never interacted with the actual chinese fandom, you are not part of the intended audience and your biased opinion is not the One And Only Valid Truth 🍵

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree | this is really hard for me to express in terms of an agree/disagree axis lol

genuinely cannot tell if you’re trying to shade me here anon lmao 😂

this got long and rambly (of course) asldkjfslj. i would love to make the excuse that it’s bc i’ve got a migraine and had No Sleep but. let’s be real i’m always like this.

ok i’ll start with where i agree: i don’t think anyone has the right to act like an ultimate voice of authority in fandom. i think different people with different backgrounds have varying realms of expertise and they should be respected when they share that knowledge, but that the instant someone starts to use that kind of power as a weapon against people they personally don’t like, i think they forfeit that privilege. no one has the one and only valid truth about a piece of media because that’s fundamentally impossible. i have definitely interacted with diaspo who behave like their heritage gives them some kind of incontrovertible authority over everyone else, and they’re fucking insufferable and often rather cruel, even/especially towards other diaspo. meet me in the denny’s parking lot and fight me for real. i’ll kick ur ass. >:c

however, I also think it’s true that there’s a lot of dismissal of heritage fans in this fandom, if that makes sense, from both sides of the equation: non-Chinese fans ignore our cultural hangups because they’re inconvenient, and non-diaspora disdain us for being not Chinese enough. that puts a lot of us in a position of feeling disrespected just for being who we are, or having our very real knowledge and unique experience as individuals devalued because of it.

regardless of my identity, I have formally studied a lot of things: literary translation, media analysis, the politics of oppression, film critique, religious studies, philosophy, four foreign languages etc. and that is all knowledge that I had to work for, and work hard for. I do have a certain measure of authority on all of these subjects over a layperson (to varying degrees), and there are going to be times when i will be more correct than someone who disagrees with me -- but I’ve also absolutely experienced people talking over that specialized knowledge because of who I am, which is, to be clear. extremely infuriating and hurtful. like, i have cried so much about it in the last 18 months. people see my racial and cultural identity before they see anything else, which is understandable to a degree, but upsetting when it becomes the basis for how my work is judged, whether positive or negative. i don’t want you to trust me blindly because i’m abc. I want to you to trust me because you have examined my work critically and judged it to be trustworthy!

so i guess this is getting into the strongly disagree part of the answer: i’ve been speaking a lot with other diaspora fans lately, and it’s been simultaneously hugely relieving and also really saddening. relieving because oh thank god someone else Gets It, and saddening because pretty much all of us, no matter what kind of diaspo we are (north american, european, SEA, taiwanese etc), we’ve all experienced a lot of pressure in this fandom, from non-Chinese, Chinese, and other diaspora fans alike. we’re all acutely aware that we are not modao’s intended audience because being diaspora vs being “from the mainland” or whatever, are actually quite different things, but modao still feels close to home. even if it was not written FOR us it is still familiar to us.

and, because so many of us are multilingual and multicultural, we end up being the bridge between the “actual” chinese fandom and the english-speaking fandom, which is largely made up of non-chinese. (sidenote: I hate it when people say things about being “actually” any identity because it’s almost always for the exact reason you brought up: to use heritage as street cred. it’s like damn, being “actually” chinese doesn’t make ur opinions any less rank. sure you might be “actually” chinese, but do you have basic reading comprehension and literary criticism skills? no? ok then sit your ass back down) many of us are most comfortable in english! so we produce our content in english! but we also DO often have a somewhat privileged access to the culture that underlies mdzs and can explain it in a language that other non-Chinese fans can understand. so it’s not surprising that people flock to us for answers to their cultural questions. and like. if we think we know the answer, it’s natural for us to try and help. this is fandom! we’re here to have fun and find community! and it is definitely a little bit nice to have my culture treated as something desirable for once instead of just like. a weird exotic curiosity that no one really cares too deeply about. and, since a lot of us are able to do things that non-Chinese fans can’t (research in chinese, for example. ask family members for help and more information etc.) we end up just having more information to share.

I think this sometimes results in a tendency for fandom at large to put heritage/diaspo fans on pedestals and tout them as authorities (or use our conflicting viewpoints as ammunition in fandom drama) when the diaspo in question have repeatedly stated that they should not be taken as authorities on something -- and then, once you reach critical mass, your reputation starts to precede you, and I think there’s a lot of misconceptions of how a lot of diaspo act in this fandom simply because of that phenomenon. most of us know that we’re not ultimate arbiters of some kind of cultural gateway, and it can be very tiring both to be treated as such when we insist we are not, and then punished by other people who assume that we acted like we were.

i don’t think there’s a benefit in trying to keep en fandom and cn fandom totally separate, and I also think it’s unfair to consider the cn fandom the “real” fandom. i think that way lies deeper misunderstandings, gatekeeping, etc. i think we can definitely acknowledge the differences between them, but i think trying to make meaningful connections between fandom circles is really valuable! i don’t think i’ve ever made it a secret that modao is my first cmedia fandom? so it’s also the first time i’ve had reason to interact with chinese fandom, which has been super enlightening and interesting! i’ve made some super cool friends and learned a lot about how fandom works in china, how it’s similar and how it differs from the fandom i’m familiar with.

and then, kind of circling back around, there’s also a bit of a sense like, okay, so if diaspo don’t belong in the CN fandom, but we can’t talk about our own culture with some degree of confidence in EN fandom, then like..... where do we go...? if we see EN fandom doing something that contradicts our cultural knowledge, do we just. not say anything? do we not count unless we’ve already ingratiated ourselves to CN fandom? that’s probably where the core of my strong disagreement comes from, because criticism of diaspora fans as like, acting above their station so to speak, feels just like a tired continuation of the same shit we’ve had to deal with for our whole lives, being told we’re not good enough for anywhere and that we should just be quiet and keep our heads down and get over it. that our opinions, despite coming from a unique perspective with a unique relationship to the subject in question, are less valid or real than “actual” chinese people, you know? and sometimes i see that and im like lmfao just sneer at me for being jook-sing and leave then if you’re so eager to think of me as lesser.

so yeah, basically im of a few minds: true! diaspora fans don’t get to throw their weight around just because they’re diaspo. they don’t get carte blanche to act like bullies or try to shape the fandom to their own personal liking and crusade against people who disagree with them. they don’t get to pretend their heritage makes them superior to everyone else, and i think western diaspora especially need to be careful when asserting any kind of moral lens over the text to acknowledge that we have our own biases to interrogate. i am not immune.meme etc. on the other hand, this vein of criticism tends to put all diaspo in a bit of a double-bind, and also, however unintentionally, plays into the general, continuous trend of dismissing diaspora for being diaspora, and i’m really not about that. i don’t think that’s the motivation behind opinions like this, but i do think that when the basis for the argument hinges on the idea that diaspora are not “real” chinese, no matter how much I too have beef with certain diaspora fans, the argument needs to be revisited. 

(ko-fi)

🍵 ((un)popular) opinions meme

[angstysebfan]

The Truth Will Set You Free - Part 7

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader, Thor x Reader (other Avenger characters)

AU: Modern

Summary: You dated for two years, and thought he was the one for you. One day you came home and found him with someone else. After running away from you, you return home and found yourself in the arms of Thor. When Thor decides to introduce you to his friends at a dinner, you realize that there’s something familiar about the house you were visiting.

Warnings: implied cheating, language (not proofread)

--

You sit in your living room, ignoring the TV in front of you. You think about everything that has happened over the last several days and can’t believe the whirlwind you have faced. Who knew when Thor brought you to meet his friends, you would be faced with the horror that was your old life. Only then to find out that Bucky never cheated on you.

You don’t know what to think anymore. You care so much for Thor. He has been so patient and kind, and you know he cares about you, maybe even loves you. Then there is Bucky, who was your first love. The man you thought you would be married to and have a million babies with. But do you still hold that love for him?

You decided to distance yourself from both of them. Of course you spoke with Thor, who completely understood why you needed space. You decided to not reach out to Bucky, as you told him when you spoke you needed time. Knowing him, you knew he would reach out when he couldn’t stand it anymore. In your distance you decided to try and not think about it, at least for a little while. You needed to destress before you could even think about what to do.

As you sit there, “not thinking about it”, you hear a knock on your door. You get up, hoping and praying it’s not Bucky, because you are so not ready for that conversation. You open the door to reveal yet another person you really didn’t want to see. You say nothing and just stare.

Shuffling her foot against the ground she asks quietly, “Can I come in?”

You open the door wider and allow Nat to enter your apartment. “How did you find me? I don’t remember giving you my new address,” you say flatly. 

You see her gulp and again look down, “Uh, Thor actually gave me the address,” she says.

You are honestly shocked he would do that, but keep your mouth shut as you sit back on the couch. “So what do you want?” you ask.

She takes a deep breath as she sits, making sure to keep space, “I-I told everyone the truth. Something that I should have done years ago. I just... I just want to apologize again for.. ruining your life in the process of my bullshit,” she says.

You give a breathless laugh, “Yea, ruining my life is a pretty accurate summary of what you have done to me,” you say. 

You look at her again and see the pain in her face. You sigh, so tired of drama, “How did they take it?” you ask.

She looks at you in surprise of your question, “Well. They all still want to be my friend. They were upset with me about what happened with you and Bucky, because I took complete responsibility for that, but they all accept me,” she says.

You nod, “As I knew they would. Which is why I still don’t understand why you would hold onto that secret knowing what happened between you, me and Bucky,” you say, annoyed.

“I wish that I could give you a reason and make things better, but honestly, Y/N, the truth is I was scared. I didn’t want to accept that it was my fault. I didn’t want to lose any more friends, when I already lost the most important one in my life, and the second most important one,” she says.

You look at her confused, “The second?” you ask.

“Bucky kicked me out. He stopped talking to me. He finally spoke with Steve after I came over and apologized, but he still refused to come to most hang outs if he knew I was there. It took almost 2 years before he would be in the same room as me,” she said. 

You look at her in surprise, unable to comprehend what she just heard. Nat continued, “Even now he barely talks to me, but at least he will hang out with us. Him asking me to meet to tell you the truth was the first time he has spoken to me in a very long time,” she says. 

You knew at this point, you keeping your distance was going to be short lived. You had to speak to them both, but you still needed to time to figure out what to say. You still had more questions that needed answers, especially after this news. You look at Nat, “Well, even if you were scared, it’s not right to make me look like the bad guy. You and Bucky just let me look terrible to our friends,” you say.

You remember what Steve told you, and knew that you said, wasn’t 100% true, but you wanted Nat to feel bad after everything so you said it. Nat nodded, “You’re right. I’m selfish. I always have been. I liked being the center of attention and I love having people love me. When I thought that could slip away, I made sure it didn’t. When I knew Bucky wasn’t going to say anything, I decided to keep my mouth shut too. I never thought I would see you again. I know that sounds bad, but it’s the truth. I--” she stops and sighs.

“I loved you. I would have loved to have you love me back. I was ok with being your best friend because it gave me a piece of you. I would have stood beside you at your wedding and allow my heart to break into pieces to see you happy. When I ruined that? I- I lost myself and decided that if I couldn’t have you as a friend, then... I turned back into the selfish bitch I was. And all I can say to you is that I am so sorry. I know it doesn’t make it better,--”

“You’re right it doesn’t. Because while I can understand you being nervous and afraid to tell the people that you love that you are not who appear to be, it doesn’t give you the right to throw me under the bus to make yourself feel better,” you say and then scoff. “You say you love me, but I honestly don’t think you know the first thing about love, because you would never have let me reputation fall like that if you loved me,” you say.

Nat looks down at her hands and you see tears falling. “You know we can never go back to the way things were, right?” you ask her.

She refuses to look up at you but nods as the tears fall. You sigh, suddenly exhausted, “Whether I am with Thor or.... whatever, we cannot be friends. I will still hang out and will acknowledge your existence, but that will be all for a very long time,” you say.

Nat chokes on a sob as she nods, finally looking at you. “I--I understand. And no matter who you choose, you will have a man that loves you, and I promise to stay out of the way,” she says.

Before you can respond, she stands and walks out the front door. You sit there in silence for a moment before you finally cover your face with your hands and cry. If that was so difficult, how are you going to deal with your next decision?

--

Part 6 / Part 8

Sorry this took so long and was so short. I needed to get Nat’s part finalized so that we can now focus on the guys. Now who will she choose? I have heard your thoughts, and I have to say I am on the fence. We shall see in the coming parts. Feedback is appreciated.

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[barsformars]

reaction: to their s/o being a teacher; ateez

req: Hi! Can I request Ateez Reaction to you being a teacher and them visiting you at school. Thank you you are the best ♥

a/n: thank you for requesting! this was kinda hard to write but i hope it won't bore you out JDJEJE I tried please hehehe

Seonghwa

being naturally curious about a lot of things, seonghwa would probably be more than happy to listen to you 'rehearse' your classes the next day at the dinner table, and if he has the energy to comprehend the content he might even ask questions so that you can kind of practice answering your students.

and before he even visits your school, he will make sure to ask you how many teachers there are in your department so that he can buy some snacks and drinks for everyone knowing just how exhausting teaching can be, hehe model boyfriend, 11/10 will make your colleagues jealousssssss

Hongjoong

you can count on hongjoong to help make your classes more interesting to keep the students attentive, like he would tell you what he wished his teachers did so that he would have liked school more and stayed in it longer but well JSJSJEJ

he would probably be very awkward while walking around your school waiting for you to end your class, like the only memories he had was when he was really young so, yea the school would probably feel pretty strange to him since he spent so much time in the studio since he was like what....15/16(?)

(also bye he's so small in the gif i-)

Yunho

he would be really amazed honestly, like he would always think of how much nonsense and bullshit teachers have to deal with and he would shudder so he really respects you for choosing this career and having the passion to educate children no matter how tiring it can be,, would always ask if you need any help unwinding for the weekend or something

he probably isn't supposed to but he would tell the security guard that he's just going to wait at the library or something but he ends up crashing your classes,, just suddenly appearing at the back of the room and surprising you. your students always asks you when he's going to come again as if you would know lmao

Yeosang

he likes hearing the tea, all the drama between your students or like from entitled parents or just the stupidest most chaotic things that the students in your school do jdjeje and like seriously,, schools really do have the juiciest gossip and stuff

the type to just hang out at your desk in the staff room and make friends with your colleagues, secretly judging the ones that you told him shit about. ok im making him some so mean and like drama hungry but he's really not, ok, he just finds it really interesting but he won't let anything loose.

San

like Yunho, he would really admire you because in his eyes, teachers are seriously one of the most selfless people on earth because they really do more than just teaching and he himself have received so much guidance and help outside of academics from his teacher and ya so uk,, he would really love a s/o who is a teacher.

you would just see him talking to students eating alone in the cafeteria, playing football/basketball with students and even helping your colleagues with carrying the books and all while waiting for you to end class. you know how there's always that one teacher who brings their kids to school and everyone loves them, yea that's San, but instead of a kid he's a grown ass man, of course (you've also heard he plays video games with some of your students????)

Mingi

he loves an intellectual, but you know what he loves even more, an intellectual who's willing to share and give that knowledge back to society. and mingi likes to learn, so hell yea he would definitely sit beside you while you plan out your classes so he can kinda pick up whatever you are teaching at school. he would probably like to read it up on his own and ask you about it

he would just go straight to your classroom but instead of going in he would just kinda loiter outside because he's shy lmao, it's a little creepy for the students if you think about it but he would peek through the windows and just admire you as you do your thing jsjsjs

Wooyoung

he was in no way a bad student but he was definitely loud, like you can't tell me he's quiet in the classroom. so naturally, he would ask you about your students, like who are the quiet ones and who are the loud ones, the class clowns etc. like yeosang, he's probably more interested in knowing about the people in school than what you teach (no offence)

and when he comes visit you in school, like Yunho, he would crash your class and try to match faces to names and be like "ohhhhh so you are the really smart one", "ohhh you are the one with the bad handwriting" 💀 or "you better hand up your work on time, I swear to god"....your students are just like 😳😳😳😳😳 "ok"

Jongho

constantly stocks up your desk with markers, marker refills, whiteboard duster, blank papers, stickers, stamps, you get it...whatever you need for your classes, he will make sure that you never run out and never have to worry about making last minute runs to the store to get them. will also text you reminders to eat well, sleep early and to not drink so much coffee

he may be quite shy but when he goes to visit you at school, I see him interacting with your students a lot, like he would ask how they find your lessons, or how they were coping with studies and stuff, would even play with them during breaks and tell them the dad jokes jdjsjs,, your students might like him more than they like you oops

[noturtypicaldumbblonde]

my thoughts on episode 6 of Gossip Girl

. it already starts with aki, LETS GOOO!! nice to meet his mom, im hoping this ep will show us more of aki by himself

. unfortunately for me obie and audrey will have a lot of screen time from what i've heard...

. loved the talk between julien and her dad, i always loved their dynamic. the conversation about the importance of an education and how Internet isn't a reliable job is super important right now.

. "you gave me that one and i hate both. you should have brought a coat" can :) audrey :) shut :) up :) ? and dont tell me she's being rude bc of the stress, she has always treaded aki like garbage, homeboy deserves better

. "you were right about him, by the way" ok max, but where's the apology? :|

. have i ever mentioned that i hate the teachers and they should go to jail? i did? well, i mentioned it again.

. luna is SO cute. i have a huge soft spot for her

. "YOU ARENT A CONQUEST YOU ARE A CONQUISTADOR"... RAFA... PLS GO AWAY... PLS PLS PLS

. audrey was so rude with zoya and for what? zoya's mom is DEAD i think she knows what she is talking about

. i'm happy julien is growing!! she is very charismatic and i enjoy her arc. ik lots of people don't like jordans acting but i think she does a nice job, makes me dislike and like julien at the right times

. LMAO ZOYA SHOWED GG STILLS TO HELENA

. wait, americans eat dinner at 6? yall are insane ,':|

. its more of a pet peeve but why is audrey so worried about the doctors work? isn't this a prestigious hospital? i had family members in BRAZILIAN PUBLIC HOSPITALS and i wasn't this worried about the doctors work

. jodi is so cute!! i'm loving her

. hm.. how could roger have reported on kikis companies failing if audrey didn't know about it? did she just not know that the company had gone bankrupt? im confused

. i'm divided on the dinner scene

. I HAD ALREADY GOTTEN THE SPOILER THAT AKI WAS GOING TO BE OUTED BUT FUCK, IT STILL HURT. i might make a post about it later cause i got outed (more than once) so its personal to me.

. is audrey fucking stupid? sorry for my language but how did she manage to out aki to his parents and to zoya in less then a minute?

. obie can't decide what he wants in a gf. julien doesn't care enough but zoya cares too much. he keeps complaining that they arent "who they used to be... and they changed..." but has he ever considered that maybe perhaps they never even changed, obie just had a false notion of who they were?

. i don't even understand the teachers motivations at this point. if GG showed one scene of the teens being """humbled""" it was a lot

. audrey not telling aki she outed him was so disgusting

. jodi seems to want to be closer to aki and i hope it happens!! i love family dynamics.

. that little scene between audrey and her mom i- ???? audrey should be the one apologizing not kiki. and the blonde annoying thing has the audacity of throwing a ""

. aki's dad outing him in national television... and NOT A SINGLE PERSON WENT TO HUG HIM? AKI BABY THEY DON'T DESERVE YOU.

. urgh im tired of the julien×zoya drama

. dude... audrey outed aki to a bunch of people, never told him, never apologized for anything, treats him horribly and then..? organises a threesome?

. aki DOES NOT KNOW that it was audrey who betrayed his trust. now that i think about it we never even see how he deals with being outed to everyone he knows

. WAIT WHAT??? AKIS DAD IS TELLING AKI TO STAY AWAY FROM JULIEN?? WHY??? BRO WHY? IS HE GOING TO PUBLISH SOMETHING ABOUT HER? MAYBE THE PROTESTS? IDK THEORIES ANYONE?

. STOOOPP NO JULIEN×OBIE PLS PLS PLS

. i missed luna and monet :(((

. i loved the episode and cant wait for season one part two!

sorry this post is huge, i had a lot of thoughts,

clary <3

[bakurapika]

uh oh encanto opinion ahead

so i know everyone’s gifts are also problems, some more or less obvious, and i’m sure there’s a whole section of tumblr where this is a well-known and stale take

pepa’s gift is the one that i feel like is the most stressful out of the ones that didn’t get a specific resolution. just the clear skies, clear skies thing is, madrigals, like you fucked up a perfectly good kid is what you did. look at her. she’s got anxiety. any time she’s feeling any emotion that isn’t positive, she gets yelled at by friends/family/the town. and how do you deal with that? postcanon i’m sure she has fewer expectations and can chill some, but her emotions messing with everyone around her (how many papers have gotten ruined with her rain, how many people get bruised by hail) is still a consequence she has to deal with. and if she is like “oh i’ll just go to my room where I can’t hurt anyone,” she does in fact become elsa :/ 

while im here i want to confirm as someone with ocd that bruno definitely has ocd and it’s canon now thanks

oh also i think this is intentional but haven’t seen it either. i’m sure that julieta marrying outside the family and bringing an outsider in was a huge point of contention between her and abuela. (the tired way julieta is pushing for abuela to be easy on mirabel, the short talk that maribel’s dad had with her about being an outsider, the gut reaction of HIDE EVERYTHING, DON’T MAKE WAVES about the vision.) 

i’m sure they didn’t even know if the magic would spread to grandkids at first (and if that would have any negative consequences for the current gifts). hence why abuela @ isabela was like “ur on thin fucking ice” and she felt pressure to be perfect to keep her mom and grandma from constantly duking it out over the choice of marriage. so mirabel not getting a gift was rubbing salt into old wounds, and things went from “i guess this situation is ok (reluctant)” to “SEE? YOU MARRYING THAT BOY WAS A MISTAKE” 

ok last opinion but i wonder for julieta if she always liked baking? is her food good? was it always good? or did you have to hork down a burnt or spoiled snack because it would fix your body? i assume no one is going to give her constructive criticism if the food is remotely passable so, if she already enjoyed baking as a kid, he ability probably hasn’t significantly improved since then

EDIT WAIT BECAUSE OK julieta’s gift is the only one that really helps the town in an obvious way, right? bruno is universally despised and pepa’s gift is chaotic and at best is able to make rainbows, probably has some useful applications (rain for crops) but requires her full attention and time. meanwhile julieta’s gift is just, magic healing, but in a way that can be transported and presumably even preserved. it’s the perfect gift. so julieta was presumably the original golden child, but with the marriage problems above, went astray

which would ALSO be why abuela is so damn set on approving a perfect match and making sure that any new marriages won’t cause family drama

[blurays]

.

sorry for having the most depressing existential crisis ever by myself but kind of worse than feeling cursed for dying is feeling like ok well illness is not a moral determination on me or else four year olds wouldnt be getting the same thing but that means its just random which means things are just Bad for no reason at all

and like im so Aware of it and it feels like no one else is and it feels like insane like i guess apparently it is considered Wrong to focus on it and i mean its not like i want to sit around being unhappy but i cant understand how it’s not logical to be like just. incredibly sad forever about all this other than the fact that being miserable is not fun but it’s really just. insane to think that idk this sounds fake deep lol but like i read about some university department news and im like not belittling academia blah but its like there are people who dedicate their lives to studying x subject and im supposed to pick something and do that like some career and pretend it matters? when i wont live long enough to idk have the life anyone else does

its not like i know what people should say but im tired of no one knowing what to say im tired of feeling like idk anyone who understands it im tired of struggling to explain that sometimes i just have very strong moments of not giving a shit about twitter drama bc im more focused on Mortality As A Concept or my stomach hurting all the time or my arm rotting so that it scrapes against the joint... im tired of knowing i probably wont ever be as old as my older brother even and then having ppl tell me i need to live in the moment like im not desperately aware lol.  im tired of people not understanding or caring that it comes and goes because sometimes i can repress it but sometimes i cant 

even if i dont die Soon which feels very vague to me like i was supposed to be thrilled at the concept of 3-7 years it’s like. no one is ever going to understand it and it feels like people don’t even care or try.. it just makes them uncomfortably e and they think im making a big deal of it and using it or something.. which like whatever i get its not like i go around comforting everyone especially now and ik im not the center of everyones universe. but its like okay everyone else wants to avoid it but i cant because i cant even read a book watch a tv show whatever without some casual mention of cancer. because its some entertaining side thing in everyones lives but for me im simply focusing on it too much 

like i dont want to be The Sick Girl really especially because to get any sympathy you have to be very happy about it and very constantly talented at something which is hard, when you are in pain all the time and very aware of the death your brain is soon about to cause u at any possible moment,  but i dont know what else to do lol. maybe meds will help but idk :) i want to be optimistic but its like i dont think we can talk therapy our way out of this one !

idk why im writing this lol im just tired of trying im rly at my limit like... hearing “i think you overthought it” yeah well. dying will do that to you

i know describing myself as dying isnt rly making me any more appealing to be friends with but im just sad . cool. its not like i would super want to be friends with someone who was miserable all the fucking time but on the other side its also like wow im having fun feeling so entirely isolated 

i wish i was a different person mostly. maybe if i was more graceful this would be more fun & like sympathy garnering instead of being like very lonely and my bones hurt etc

[darth-does-stuff]

ok so i need to place this information somewhere and i just decided id post it here 

 idk if im even gonna post the actual superhero au fic but im posting it here anyways

 this superhero au is gonna fit all the angst in here because there is little angst in the chaos crew au lmao

but here are the separate arcs each is gonna face in this au under the cut

(there is gonna be some graphic stuff so be warned)

(it is also going to be very long)

heed the tags guys

Logan

A very important factor for his entire character in this au is that he has cybernetics. His right eye, his left arm, and the lower half of his left leg. This happened due to an explosion, his arm and lower left leg essentially blown off, and shrapnel piercing his eye. 

His arc centers around his cybernetics, thinking they are a burden, and feeling like he doesn’t fit in, along with feeling inadequate. 

Logan struggles with thinking that his cybernetics aren’t truly a part of him, just something he has to deal with. A burden. He resents it, there’s no sugarcoating it. He wishes he had his human limbs back.

 In his arc, he’ll deal with the fact he has them, and that no amount of wishing will ever change it. He accepts them as a part of himself, an imperfect part, for sure, but every human is imperfect. Hell, even human parts of himself are imperfect, so it fits right in. 

Before he accepts it as a part of himself, though, he deals with feelings of inadequacy. People often pitied him (keep in mind they thought he had prosthetics), trying to ‘lighten the load’ for him. He appreciated the thought, but they never let him do anything. He felt like they were belittling him. Logan tried to brush it off, but deep down, he worried that he truly was inadequate. Was he weak? Should he even be doing these things? Was he good enough? Sometimes...Logan felt he wasn’t.

But, once he hits the arc with accepting his cybernetics, he faces this feeling of inadequacy and proves it wrong. He’s been doing things normal humans couldn’t dream of and the city’s still thriving. He’s faced countless robbers, countless villains, and found a home with the team. He was good enough. He was okay. He’d be fine. Of course, sometimes he’d still have those feelings of not being good enough, but he could deal with it now. It wasn’t something that haunted his nightmares.

But, even after the whole cybernetic arc, he still faces the problem of not fitting in. Even before having superpowers and cybernetics, he wasn’t like other children. He was the eldest child, so his parents were basically helicopter parents, afraid he was going to get hurt in some way. As he got older and he had more siblings, they got a bit more lax, but he still hadn’t done things normal children had done. He didn’t explore, didn’t interact much with other children (though that was more of his doing), barely went outside, and had his every move basically monitored. Logan preferred reading a book to playing at the park, drawing a picture instead of hanging out with friends, etc., etc. So, he always felt a bit like an outsider. It only got worse once he had the incident. 

Now, he had fucking powers and literal robotics attached to his body, and he was scared. He was angry. He was...confused. How would his life change? What would happen to him? Then, all of a sudden, he got roped into being a fucking vigilante and just had to deal with it.

Then, he joins this team, all of them so much more normal than him, and he still doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared they are going to judge him, belittle him, like so many before them had done.

But...they don’t. They accept him, they joke with him, they are happy with him. And, he slowly starts to relax. He comes out of his shell and he feels...complete. It’s okay he isn’t normal. It’s okay he doesn’t exactly fit in. Everything is okay. 

He doesn’t blame his parents for being helicopter parents, he still loves them and his siblings. He knows they were worried about him. Sure, they did mess up, but he’s made countless mistakes in his life too. He doesn’t blame them or his siblings. They helped him become who he is and he is eternally grateful for that.

Patton

Patton faces the problem of his public image and his own self-image. In public and when he is Typhoon, he puts on this bright and chipper personality. And it’s grueling to keep up because that is not who he truly is. He’s much more mischievous, much more sarcastic, much more brash, much more himself. 

He tries to keep up this optimistic persona because he doesn’t want backlash. He’s afraid of what people would say if they saw the real thing. So, he puts up an image. Smile, all the time. Wave enthusiastically. Don’t let them see through you. Act like you’re fine. You always have to be fine, right? That’s what Patton thinks, at least.

With his arc, he slowly learns to just accept himself. It helps when Virgil joins the team, because he sees him not putting up a facade. He acts himself, dark and broody, sarcastic and sardonic. And nobody really questioned it or gave him backlash. Patton has this moment of ‘Oh’ because he realizes that he can show what he truly is. He no longer has to hide.

When he first starts showing himself as he actually is, he’s scared. It’s only natural, no matter how much you prepared for it, you will still be scared. Some people notice. There are a few news articles as some just want drama. But, his team, his friends, his family backs him up and it strengthens his resolve. He learns to ignore those types of people, knowing they only want drama. He can finally be...himself.

Roman

Oh boy, this is going to be a doozy.

Roman’s angst is that his entire world view changes, his beliefs (not religious) crumble. Everything just seems to flip for him.

Roman had always thought that everyone could be redeemed. No matter the deed. Everyone deserves a second chance. He’s faced criminals and villains with this belief at the forefront of his mind. 

When everything else seemed to be crumbling around him, this belief sustained him. It kept him going. It was a constant when nothing else stayed the same.

But now? Now everything is foreign. Everything is changing with nothing being that constant that he so desperately needed. This situation he is facing hits even closer to home because--well, I’m afraid I can’t say because of spoilers, but let’s just say it may involve a certain mustached villain ;)

But, anyways, in his arc, he realizes that everything can’t just be sunshine and daisies. He’s known this before, but it hits full force now. He has to accept that some people can’t be redeemed, that some are just...evil. He hates to admit it, but he knows it’s true.

His friends--no, family backed him up. They helped him with this realization, helped to make sure he doesn’t break. And he is so, so, so, so grateful and thankful for them.

He knows that some people can’t change. He’s...well, he’s not fine with it, but he accepts it at the very least. And when he looks around at his family, seeing how genuine and kind they are, he knows that, no matter what, all he needs is his family to survive.

Virgil

He faces problems with his self-esteem, his own anxiety, and his fear of lack of self-control.

He has little self-esteem. He always has, really. Since he was a kid, he always overthought everything he did, criticized himself severely, always tried to push himself harder, in unhealthy amounts. It all left him feeling so tired.

He kept doing this even into adulthood, checking himself, always wondering if he could do better, barely feeling good about things he did. Things he wanted to be proud of, but just couldn’t.

When he joins the team, it’s a slow process. He was immensely afraid of being judged, of being insulted, of them. They were all these heroes the city recognized and praised and he was left feeling like shit, in his mind at least. He felt like he couldn’t keep up. Virgil kept trying to push himself harder to at least try and be on the same level as them, but ended up pushing much too hard, passing out from exhaustion and stress.

They realized his mindset, having had once had this mindset themselves, and help him deal with it, help him try to minimize it because it’s not something you can be fully rid of. They know this themselves because sometimes they still get those moments, where they feel they aren’t doing enough and push harder, too harder. But, the best they can do is to deal with it. And that’s exactly what Virgil does. 

His anxiety is also a doozy. 

It holds him back so much. Especially with fear of failing. He doesn’t want to fail anybody. He wants to do the best he can and do it perfectly. But, the problem is that he can’t. He knows he can’t and it terrifies him. His anxiety and fear of failing prevent him from doing so many things just because of what could go wrong. 

The team also helps with this. They provide somebody he can rant to and offer solutions and different types of perspective. They help him to realize that if you only worry about what could go wrong, then you wouldn’t be able to do anything, you wouldn’t be able to live. Because with that mindset, you aren’t living, you are only surviving. 

And they help Virgil see this point. Help him to not let his anxiety hold him back from things he really wants to do. And it provides him with so many opportunities. 

They all know that sometimes, it’s going to happen. Sometimes, Virgil just can’t be able to do something because the fear practically paralyzes him. It’s like with his self-esteem issues. It’s not something you can be rid of, just something you have to deal with. They help him when this happens, help bring him back to reality and help to calm him down.

Lastly, his fear of no self-control. You have to remember that their powers can be heavily influenced by emotions. Strong bursts of emotions can work it into overdrive. Too much use of their powers can also use all of their energy. In very extreme cases, it can lead to death.

But, while Virgil is also afraid of the side effects, he’s mostly afraid of what his powers can do to other people, innocent people. And, to him, it’s a found fear. It’s happened before. He’s hurt others without meaning to and he vowed to never do it again. This is partly why he became a vigilante, to protect others instead of hurting them. But he is so afraid of still harming them and he has nightmares about it. It practically haunts him. He fears turning into those killers and villains he’s fought.

Once again, the team is very helpful in debunking this. They’ve explained their own experiences, explained how they themselves have hurt innocents without meaning to, and it’s something you have to just...deal with, like all other problems. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Him worrying about being a bad person just proves furthermore that he isn’t. After all, a bad person wouldn’t care about it. But, he does. And that is what provides the difference. 

Janus

spoilers spoilers spoilers

Remus

spoilers spoilers spoilers-

[ohsayaka]

tell us more about that very specific version of junko,, im curious oo

THANK YOU ANON THANK YOUUUU This is for a nondespair au where its just a decent normal highschool and nothing bad happens outside of like, drama. ok so i took the whole boredom thing she has going on and changed it a little? i mean shes a completely different character but you get what i mean.. my junko is a very energetic person. shes enthusiastic, loud and expressive and can get tired of concepts/tasks/ideas/people/moments very quickly and needs constant simulation to stay engaged! its hard for her to sit through painful or boring situations so she likes to spice things up and keep the energies high when she can. but theres times where you just have to deal with it and i think she can become very depressed when shes in that state. she doesnt want to dwell or explore painful/negative emotions, but can fall into it Fully without meaning to when shes sad.

i also like to think she likes loud music !!!!! shes still a model and wears clothing like this

[zmayadw]

Hello to all :)

Time for the next part!

Wish you all a wonderful evening! :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 13

We continued enjoying our time, as Aurora got more crowded with people. At some point Cleo showed up, coming to say hi to us, as she was here to meet with Hannah and the others . She had one drink with us before going to sit with them, telling how she is bussy helping her mom at the Gates of Hope with redecorating and other stuff, but she hopes all will be done soon, so we can finaly meet in peace. As it got more crowded with people, Phil was busy and also didnt have much time to have fun with us. Jessy was in a quite good mood, joking and drinking, it was nice seeing her like that.The music playing was good. There was a mixture of everything, from 80's till present day. A song started and Jessy grabbed my hand „Ohhh, lets dance, Maya, i love this song!“ I had no chance to say anything, as Jessy lead me half way to the dance floor already. She started dancing, and i couldnt do anythign but join her. And we had fun. I needed this, i tought, just some simple fun with good friends. Dan joined us from time to time, showing off his killer dancing skills. Phil was passing by us few times, going to one of the booths or tables, always winking at me with that devilish grin of his. One of the times, as Jessy and me wer dancing Phil came from behind me, wraping his free hand arround my waist and squeezing agains me. We just moved with the rhythm of the music for a while, before he groaned at my ear „Arghh, as much as i would love to stay here with you gorgeous, but work is calling.“ I grined at him, as he let go of me slowely „Aww, next time then.“ As much as i liked it, i hoped Jake didnt see this. I wouldnt want him to get the wrong idea about Phil and me. I really wanted to know where i stand with him, but this noncomunication between us wasnt helping. Lily told me to be patient, but as i told Jessy, my patiance is running short. I leaned to Jessy telling her i need to go sit down for a while, and we returned at the bar. Dan and Thomas wer there talking, and both got up from the stools letting us sit as we came. Thomas smiled at us „You two really got it going on tonight.“ He turned to Dan saying teasingly „You better be careful,man, and keep her close to you“ He pointed at Jessy „They wer smoking hot on the floor, dont let someone steel her.“ Jessy grined at Thomas „Let him sweat a little, he might appriciate me more then.“ „Awww, babe, dont be cruel, you know i appriciate you.“ Dan told her, being dramatic as always, making a puppy face. „Ohh, shus it, you big goof, and lets dance.“ She told him, taking him by the hand to the dance floor. Thomas turned to me „So, can i presume all is good between Lily and you now?“ „I guess you can.“ I told him, and he smiled „Thats good to heare.“ A waiter came with two drinks, handing them to Thomas. „Guess then soon we can all get together again, without any drama.“ „Definatly!“ i said, smiling. He smiled back „Good. Well, have fun, Maya, see you arround.“ I waved at the waiter asking for a mineral water, i was really thursty from all the dancing. I checked my phone, it was after 3, and i noticed a missed call sign. I opened the call log, and when i saw it was another of those hidden numbers, my mood darkened all of a sudden. What is going on here, i touhgt, thess calls are starting to get me worried. Jessy and Dan returned from dancing, and i decided i had enough for the night. This thing shook me up good, and i doubted i could enjoy the evening anymore. I told Jessy i'd be going, to wich she protested a bit, but hugged me and said to call her for coffee any time im up for it. I took my things, waving them goodby. As i was near the entrance, i saw Phil, so i waved at him, he winked and made a phone gesture with his hand, suggesting we'll be talking soon.

As i left the Aurora, cool night air washed over me, so i put my jacket on. I got to my car,  just leaning on the side of it, my mind still thinking of those damn calls. They are starting to freak me out a bit, and that sinister feeling started to creep up to me again. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, when a voice said „Are you ok?“ I opened my eyes, seeing Jake standing infront of me. I managed to barely make a smile at him „Yeah, im fine.“ He was looking at me, those deep eyes scaning every inch of my face, like he knew what i said wasnt true. „Just tired, i guess.“ I added, giving him a bit bigger smile, wich seemed to make him belive me. He leaned on the car next to me, and we just stood there in silence for a while. I get restless every time im close to him, my hands itch to just grab him and pull him closer. „You look good, by the way.“ He said after a while, giving me a shy look. His words snaped me from my fantasizing, and  i smiled and winked at him „Thanks, glad you noticed.“ „Ofcourse i did, i do have eyes, you know.“ He said teasingly. I turned towards him making a gesture of bevilderment as i said „Oh my, he can joke!“ „I try my best.“ He said, smiling. Oh that beautiful smile, i tought again, making me smile, too. „You going back in?“ he asked. „No.“ I started „I'm actualy contemplating should i walk or drive back to the motel.“ „And how's that going for you?“ he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. „Well, considering im still standing here doing non of the above, i would say not good.“ I replied, sighing desperatly. He chuckled at me „Hmm, well, how about I drive you back to the motel?“ I looked at him surprised, not really expecting it „You would do that?“ He smiled shyly at me „I would“ pausing a bit, before adding „For you.“ My heart started beeting like crazy, and i could feel heet comming to my cheeks. This night really is interesting. „Umm, well, sure, i'd like that.“ I told him. „But, you dont mind walking back again?“ i asked. „No, its fine.“ „Alright then, lets go.“ I told him, taking my keys out of my purse handing them to him. Our palms touched as i gave him the keys, and our eyes met. He moved his hand slowly away, taking the key, giving me goosebumps. I barely glued myself of the car to let him get in. I got in myself as he started the car and we drow from the Auroras parking. It wouldnt take us long to the motel, and i wished the ride wasnt that short. I noticed he was driving slower then you would normaly drive, as if sharing my toughts himself. I felt nervous, my head was blank, i didnt know what to say. All of a sudden, a tought crossed my mind. „Hey, Jake, can i ask you something?“ „Sure.“ He said, sounding relieved the awkward silence got broken. „Well, i just tought, i havent had a chance to ask you before. Wern't you in some kind of trouble, if im not mistaken?“ i paused before continuing. „I mean, we never discussed it any further. And since you're here at Duskwood for quite some time now already, i was just wondering what's up with all that.“ „You're right“ he started, glancing shortly at me, focusing back on the road „Short version: lets say i made a deal with some people, making sure i'll be left at peace.“ „A deal“ i started „You didnt threaten anyone, or something like that?“ „What?“ he said, „Ofcourse not! What made you ask that?“ „Hey, its a legit question.“ I told him, rising my hands up. „You can understand why a tought like that might cross my mind.“ He was silent for a moment before saying „Ok, fair enough. But, no, i didnt threaten anyone, if that makes you feel better.“ „It does. I just dont want for things to get complex for you again.“ I said, adding after a little pause, my voice getting a bit sadder „Or you dissapearing again.“ He looked at me with such tenderness, slowing the drive even more now „Dont worry, Maya, i'm not going anywhere.“ I smiled at him „Good.“ He turned his head, focusing on the road again, and i realized we came at the motel. He parked close to my room. Neither of us was eager to leave the car, so we just sat there in silence for a moment. I had a felling he wanted to say something, but wasnt sure about it. I finaly managed to force myself to leave the car. I was about to pull the door handle, when Jake suddenly said „Wait.“ I turned towards him. „Can i ask you something now?“ „Sure“ i said, even tho i had a feeling i wouldnt really like the question. He got all nervouse, but finaly asked „You and Phil.. is there something happening?“ Oh,no,no,no, i tought, why he had to ask it. The night would end perfectly without this. I groaned pleadingly at him „Ugh, can we not talk about Phil now, please.“ „Why not?“ he asked, and i noticed his nervousness intensifing. „Because i dont know what to tell you, Jake.“ „How about the truth?“ he said. „I cant do that.“ He looked at me confused „Why not?“ „Because i myself dont know what the truth is.“ I groaned, leaving the car. He left the car, closing the door and walking over to me handing me the keys „What do you mean?“ „I mean, i'm a mess, Jake.“ I started „I dont know what to think any more. You want the truth? Fine. Yes, i like Phil, i cant denie it. We clicked, i feel good arround him, thats the truth.“  My words  stung him, and he barely managed to say „I see.“ He leaned with his back against the car, steadying himself. But i wasnt finished yet. „And then there's you, Jake“ i started, my voice full of compassion and tenderness. He looked at me, his eyes meeting mine. „I like you, too. I like you so much, that it hurts.“ I paused a bit before i continued. „Im drawn to you like a magnet, i cant pull off. But, its like, every time the magnets are about to connect, one switches polarity and the other is thrown aback. Its driving me insane! With Phil, everything flows easy. But with you, its everything but easy.“ „Maya, i know i'm not the easiest person..“ he started to say, but i held my fingers to his lips, not leting him speak.They wer so soft and warm, i had to focuse hard on what i wanted to say. „I know, its not easy for you to open up, to let people in. I get it. And i know i said i can wait, that i'll be patiente. But my patiance is fading. I dont know how much longer i can go on like this, Jake. Its tearing me up inside.“ As i said it, i leaned my forehead to his, putting both of my arms to his chest,leaning against him. We just stayed like that for a while. Being this close to him, and the warmth of his body radiating - i felt serene. His heart was beeting fast, probably matching mine. I could stay like this forever, i tought, but i needed to continue. I was waiting for this, to finaly tell him what was on my mind. „I need to know what might be of us.“ I said „If there even exists the posibility of 'us'.“ We stayed like that for a while more, non of us daraing to move or speak, before i slowely pulled away from him. I sighed „You dont have to say anything now. Just, think about what i said. You know where to find me if you want to talk.“ I leaned to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek „Good night, Jake. Thanks for the ride.“ I turned walking slowly towards my room, when i heard him say „Good night, Maya, sweet dreams.“ I turned back, not stopping in my steps, giving him one more smile, him smiling back. I hoped me opening up like this will make him finaly understand the depths of my feelings. I knew there was a posibility he might not feel the same, but i didnt care of it now. I did what i could, i told him how i feel, now he holds all the cards. I unlocked my door and entered the room, kicking my boots off, throwing myself on the bed. What an interesting night it was, i tought smiling, covering myself with blanket and letting sleep take over me.

[energyanon]

Surprise reading as I can’t seem to shake off the curiosity. Ok, I’m gonna set them up in relation to this drama. Personally, I don’t believe it. NV would have to have various personality disorders in order for this to be true, among 5000 other reasons why that is not normal, sane human behaviour. But the Instagram.. so many things don’t match up. However, both me and another anon felt fuzzy headed when we were representing her.. maybe it’s not just her overthinking, maybe it’s something more relating to some kind of disorder, but that’s not my place to say. Let’s check it out. Once again I’m gonna type as I go.

I’ve decided for three set ups here: 1. NV, 2. The group chat as a whole as cited on said Instagram, and 3. Henry.

Set up 2. (The GC) first. I picked up NV and got a headache.

First flag: Natalie wanted to be on top of the GC… that’s weird..

Henry is at a distance but he is staring at them both. Starting to feel like I may have been wrong in my judgment here ha.. 😬 I’m really hoping it’s not true cause otherwise that’s fucking sad and NV has genuine issues. But, I’m ok with being wrong.

Alright, let’s start as NV (cause GC, I feel I already know their feelings regardless of if it’s true or not) FYI, I have moved NV to being close but not on top, as one energy on top of - group of energies would be much too hard to decipher.

NV:

Immediate dizziness. I feel very hot and my air con is currently blasting down upon me so it’s not me. The group chat feels very little to NV. like tiny, as in I could step on them. (1. This can mean they’re not even being seen, she barely cares about them, or 2. Can feel more powerful than) as we know in the screenshots the latter was supposedly the case, so I’m not going to cross that out just yet, but it feels more like I’m just not even seeing them. they’re dirt under my feet. They don’t really have her attention and she’s not super bothered by them, but once I brought her attention to it She does want to stamp it out, it’s a complete nuisance. She wants to cover them up. I gave them a little tap, which ended turning into many taps which turned into actually wanting to destroy their rep all together. so she’s angry about it. (At this point I don’t know if she’s angry about This situation being a lie, as in she’s sick of these people doing this to her, or if she’s genuinely angry at the group for exposing her) the tiny dirt now feels a bit bigger but more like a basketball sized nuisance. She still feels bigger than them, it’s just that this is so ANNOYING. Still wants to rip them up into little pieces, she’s annoyed, she’s moving me around a whole bunch, she’s angry, she’s frustrated, she’s tying her hair up, she’s not having it. like it’s fucking annoying. this is all so ANNOYING. She’s stressed, she’s annoyed, she wants this over and done with.

No more energy shifts. Incoming questions.

Q: do you know them?

No I don’t fucking know them

Ok do you think that was a friend who exposed you?

I don’t know I can’t think I- (just a bunch of profanities) [note: it’s like she’s keyboard smashing in my brain right now it’s REALLY annoyed]

Jaw clenched, I’m swaying from side to side my hands are on my hips, hair away from my face I want to move somewhere else but I need to deal with THIS FUCKING THING FIRST ISHDJFKSJXJDSNX.

god it is SO ANNOYING like if you guys were all in front of me right now you’d be heading me yelling and screaming and So irritated I’m so I’m SO Annoyed. I can’t even think of any other questions to ask cause I’m too busy getting keyboard smashed atm.

I’m gonna move to the group to just see if the intentions there are legit. I need a break from NV.

Ok the group:

the group have some anxiety, stomach dropped. They’re not angry they’re just looking at NV. None of them can be sure if It was NV - I think some of them doubt but it was a “get it out just in case” situation. At least one of them feel bad. Nervous jitters from my right leg. You know how you fidget when you’re waiting to get in trouble?

Q: do you believe it was NV?

There are many of them so I’ll just say it as it came up. No (1) I don’t know (majority) one of them is a yeah, feels like the leader of the group but even then the yeah isn’t a solid resounding yeah. But it’s also not like a “yeaahhh?” It’s like I’m just gonna make a decision and it’s yeah.

Q: are you mad that nv is with Henry

I’m not mad (1)

We’re not mad, we just think he could do better. (Majority)

Q: why did you do this

To expose her

Q: why to expose her if you didn’t truly believe it was her

There is a very weak “it was the right thing to do” like.. when I say weak it feels like they don’t even believe that, but they’ve convinced themselves it is..?

Q: at any point did you lie or fabricate the screenshots?

Resounding no, but one solid yes from someone.

Q: Yes?

One of them.

Q: which one

(I was shown one of them, it was one of the purple and black ones, one where there isn’t much purple - I’ll have to check it after)

Ok, my leg isn’t going crazy anymore - there is just an expectant waiting. They’re looking at NV, she’s taller than them but not much taller (not like they’re a basketball being looked down upon, just normal human heights) the feeling is just waiting. Waiting to see if there is a response. That’s it, that’s all I’ve been given I can’t even conjure Up another question. (Sometimes when the energy is done sharing its just done, I can’t force it past that and I’m not in my right to)

Checking Henry:

Henry is tired, he’s disillusioned, he’s just staring into space. The other two are in front of him (facing one another) but he doesn’t see them. Genuinely no thoughts from him it’s complete disassociation. But I did ask if he knew about this situation, he doesn’t seem to know yet.

And yet he’s still disassociating.. the thought “I don’t know what to do” came up, but it was so slow and fractured it was like… you know that video of that kid who’s trying to say have you ever had a dream that you could do anything but he muddles it up for 20 seconds before getting to it? It’s like that (I’ll link it when I’m done)

“I don’t kn- I just I - what do I ev- wh-“ and it keeps going but imagine it taking FOREVER for him to say it.

He’s stuck in the disassociation. Weird choice, but I need to do it. I’m gonna slap him. (Which yes, means slapping myself)

Ok, that didn’t make much difference, he’s still super tired, he still didn’t see the other two but I tried to bring his attention to NV and he was already turning around to leave “I don’t care, I don’t care I’m too tired” and then he turned back and said to NV to clarify “I do care, but I don’t, I’m tired” and I took him out cause he was walking out of there anyway.

Back to NV one last time, and then I’m doing other stuff with my day and then I’ll do CE tonight.

NV

It’s always dizziness with this chick, I swear. Everytime im with her I’m dizzy, I’m losing blood pressure. She’s calmed down at least but fuck I’m dizzy more dizzy than I usually am (can be her, could also be me continuously going into different energies, I don’t tend to feel like this though but don’t rule it out)

Dizzy, Im not tired, but fatigued like I don’t need to sleep, I need to just lay down. I see the GC but they can fuck off I don’t care. She wants to kick them out of the way. As soon as she does she wants to leap out at them and tear them to shreds. She goes from 1- 100 real quick. I don’t want her to destroy my representative for the group, cause I don’t want anything to accidentally manifest in real time for the actual group, so im going to create a little thing that she can destroy instead - just in case there are any energetic consequences of her destroying the representation of the GC. Found a little piece of paper I called it placebo GC and we’re tearing it up.

Ok so, I got her to tear up Placebo GC. She got raveonous with it. I am now coming to believe that NV has some major anger issues. To be fair, im feeling how annoyed she is and I get it honestly it’s the only way to get out this level of emotion. It’s not healthy, therapy is needed for sure, but I’m not gonna sit here like this and say that she’s overreacting cause when you’re feeling like she is, there’s no where else for this to go

She ripped them up, crushed them, tore at them with her teeth, crushed them into a little ball again and chucked them away and then we just screamed “FUCK!” For literally about 3 minutes and she was LIVID. I’ve sat her down now while I write this, she’s still annoyed, she’s not livid.

Interesting to note though, all throughout the screaming there was never a single thought that came up that was like “why can’t they just let US live, why can’t we just BE together” she really doesn’t seem to care about the affect it has on her and Henry’s relationship, she’s just annoyed people are talking shit. Like she just doesn’t care that people won’t accept them.

Oh! I haven’t checked on her vs. HC so lemme do that. I wanna see if she checks up on him too, cause from a normal relationship perspective, this would affect him too. But let’s see.

Yup, ok, nothing from her end, if anything she’s giving him the silent treatment. Like she’s looking at him in the way you do when your partner has said something stupid and you’re too angry to answer. But she doesn’t care that he’s there. I went to him also to see if he would comfort her and he was just a brick wall, kind of more like “here I am I’m showing up but idc. I really idc. Sorry that you’re going through it I guess.” Both of them had the ~aura~ (I don’t know how to explain it on text) of “this did not go as planned” however, they didn’t SAY that, just as an FYI, it was just a bit of a shared feeling translated into words.

That’s it. I’m ending it there. I’ve got life admin to do, be back later for a CE reading as promised. :)