#ok look. i cant actually tell if it's bad bc my brain doesnt see bad when its tired

[jumexju]

SUGGESTION

Pairing !! : Carl Grimes / Fem Reader

Fic Type !! : Headcanons, Fluff, Comfort

CW !! : canon typical mentions of violence/death, gn reader unless i specify otherwise, trauma/sa mentions

Summary !! : Just some fluff hcs about carl cuz i miss him

Notes !! : feeding carl fans after I finished the series like a year ago (bcs i rewatched it) (I love that white boy) enjoy lololol :3

✦ MASTERLIST

ᰔ if youre a melomaniac, carl would def be stuffing vinyls into his bag while out on runs just in case you happen to like the music (he gets happy when u get happy)

ᰔ carl n you def sit in his room just to listen to music (lowk parallel play)

ᰔ speaking of parellel play, hes a sucker for it !! you dont gotta be doing something together, even if the two of you are doing your own thing, he prefers having you near him while doing it

ex : he's reading comics while youre drawing/writing/etc

ᰔ carl likes hearing abt your hobbies and if you got the random knowledge flavor of the tism, he loves hearing the random knowledge you bestow upon him at the strangest times

ex : "carl" "yeah?" "did you know that playing instruments can make you smarter?" ".. how?" *proceeds to explain how the brain works*

ᰔ if you play an instrument, carl loves hearing you play songs you know or have even written yourself (hes your number one fan!!!!!

ᰔ if you wear glasses, you probably lost them/cant use them anymore since the prescription has to be updated. SO : carl would do his best to help you with that

ᰔ he'd read to you if your eyes get tired and describe sights to you if your eye sight's that bad (he finds you squinting adorable, but he wont tell you that)

ᰔ he rarely ever takes off his sheriffs hat but he finds it endearing when you take it off his head and put it on yourself (he thinks u look cute chat)

ᰔ if you love to read, carls bringing you books he found on runs and likes to have you read to him, esp if you have a good reading voice

ᰔ carl sometimes struggles with his self esteem which just got worse with the loss of his eye, because of this he feels real warm when you tell him he's pretty and cup his cheek like he's your treasure

ᰔ imo carl's a pretty shy guy so he doesn't really like any pda unless its like hand holding n stuff (love this guy fr)

ᰔ he does like cheek n mouth kisses but like not in public chat sorry but that boy has like a 6/10 rizz (teenage loser rizz fr)

ᰔ michonne teases him about his affections towards you and he gets all red n sheepish (i love you michonne), he also lowk rants about u to her

ᰔ he likes locking arms with u bcs it helps him walk straight n not bump into you (due to his eye screwing with his depth perception and coordination), but also cuz he likes feeling close to u

ᰔ he escapes to the forest with you to read or just explore outside sometimes

ᰔ basic but he lets you trim his hair if youre experienced in cutting hair (i.e : if you cut your own hair)

ᰔ carl sometimes doesnt like when people touch him bcs of what happened to him (s4 2nd to last episode) and he doesnt open up abt it, but if u ask him he'll tell u

ᰔ during those moments, he prefers to just lay his head on your shoulder and just be there with you thinking about nothing

ᰔ carl would listen to descendents so bad guys trust me

ᰔ stargazing with him is a dream

ᰔ if you have trauma from sa he makes an effort to understand you and tried to get you to be open and honest with him bcs it helps him better understand your situation

---- ok now for my alt readers ----

ᰔ if youre a metalhead, he finds it so cute when he sees you get all dark n immersed in the song youre listening to and if you sing it dramatically? he's filled with a tenderness for you

ᰔ if youre a music nerd he loves it when you tell him about the bands youre into and the lore !!

ex : "yeah Ozzy bit an actual bat once cuz he thought it was a prop, he had to go to the hospital after," "im sorry- he bit a bat??"

ᰔ yes its the zombie apocalypse but that doesnt mean you cant raid hot topic/thrift stores/abandoned shop for clothes slay !!! if you're goth, he wears your studded bracelets (they remind him of you)

ᰔ he also finds the music you listen to romantic and lowk endearing (joy division listeners wya???), probably makes you playlists in cassette form so you can both listen to them

ᰔ he'd let you paint his nails black sorry its the truth and he slays with it

ok im going to sleep

bye chat

[anthenasikes]

hey ant whats aitsf please.tlel.me about it it looks cool as hell

HAaurghgrhr. I will refrain from spoilers. i was gonna just Say all the THings but. I wont. H grah. BUt uhjfg. fuck. is called ai the somnium files. ok chris you know how zeoror escape is batshit wild and it makes me insane crazy brainrot biting. the guy made some OTHER games and its like Wouagh. What the fuCjk. game that pisses me off sometimes but then also is like. AAYYghrhg?!??!?!?!? if you have ANY INTEREST IN PLAYING IT IN THE SLIGHTEST YOU NEED TO BLOCK THE SPOILER TAG CHRIS. I RB SO MANY SPOILERS. DUDE. game that has some REALLY . REALLY COOL ASS POTENTIAL FOR FANART IMAGERY. YOU GET IT. like. chris im realizing i cant say anything bc all the stuff that soecifally makes me implode is so spoilers. uhhgrm,. i dont know how to talk about it without spoiling it. Lmao. but like also it’s a fuckign fever dream. its like What the Fuck all of the time. like Genuinley the entire time i was watching it i was like What In The Hell. What? and then i finished and i looked back on it and i was like HOlyyy shit fuck. chris if you have any interest whatsoever block the fucking spoiler tags. also theres a second game but i have less thoughts on that one. still cool ass fanart. i only watched one playthru of that one tho so i have less recollection of the events but amame doi;s somnium makes me absolutely implode. ever see those rb spams of that one blue girl. anyways. uyghm. i just need to reiterate its like a fucking fever drea,m and the whole ass time youre like what in the ball shit and then like the guy does the thing like he did with zero escape where all the stuff gets mushed together at the end and youre like Aough. Ough. WHtahefd. Ourgbn m”!??!/ AH. Bruh and ALSO MUSIC SLAPS MUSIC SLAPS SO AHRD. CHEIS. MSUSIC. MYSIC> JYSDIFCKVm.. MUSIC. also if you ARENT going to play it YOU HAVE TO TELL ME so i can give you a VERY BAD SUMMARY FROM MY MEMORY. FUCK SHIT !!! hsaudKFGY JAHKLN?KLjjklwEjldWjeWjdWjkdjdajkldjkldw。就四点��还发空间上ohshit i switched keyboard while keysmashing that doesnt say anything that s just result of kesymash . ok . basically game. that pisses me off sometimes and then explodes all of my brains out completely. actually you know what. im going to rewatch another play through of it next time i need something to do i think

[just-some-random-blogger]

meowmeow, catmom! wish you good start of the week! this kitty TT looks so much like a bat or the toothless (like from the cartoon). actually its him who looks like a cat but doesnt matter. omg wheres the link?? omg wheres it?? omg i cant see?? ohh such a pity i dont know what are you talking about, oh goddess... but actually omg youre so pretty TT and your voice is soso pretty TT like i logged in to instagram for the first time in a while for you. youre SOSO TT hottie-cutie TT my hottest and cutest catmom TT i love you soso bad TT your voice is >>>>>>>>> and this cover is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> people!! shame on you for not reading your replies!!!! everybody need to hear it!!! this talent!!!!!!!! omg youre so talented *kisskisskiss your big brain and beautiful voice* 'im hannah montana' HAJDJKD one more hannah? still that meme with spider-men... 'singer by day, smut writer by night' isnt it the ladybugs line? AHAAHSH no nvm 'you wouldnt like me' nah i like you. youre like PRETTY. like really pretty. really-really beautiful. its good youre aware of this fact. people are just jealous. not only of your hotness but your confidence. they wish they could see themselves as hot and pretty too. (same actually) idk what about another countries but in russia (and some other post-soviet countries) we have like? kinda culture of depression? but still most of adult people deny existence of mental issues. we have this pattern where everybody should be sad, hating themselves and their life. and if youre content with these? ohh you do so many wrong things, you should know that youre wrong for doing the best for yourself. ig its even post-war way of thinking but as i live in this environment, its easier for me to talk about it. this's the same situation. people who consider themselves not pretty envy the fact that you consider yourself pretty. also the fact that they can support you through your worst and influence your self-image gives lots of people boost of confidence and feeling of power. so dont cry, hottie-cutie! its not your problem. 'i wanna perform the song i made a cover to so badly' i believe you'll have a chance to do so! thank you for shining, the brightest rock star <з privet, kak dela? (means how are you) omg im so sorry for anastasiya TT also anya is a different name TT anya is from anna, and anastasiya is nastya. all the travel-bloggers here say that nastyas MUST not call themselves nastyas in english speaking countries bc they can mistake it for nasty *shocked emojis* two different words that are spelt differently *more shocked emojis* well its their problem if theyre that stupid.... hope your nastya's doing good rn! eating tasty fried eggs and all. omg i tell you so much about russian i almost feel bad. please tell me more about your culture!! shame on me but i dont know much about filipinos so please be my guide! 'i dont like cold blooded animals' well i think im a cold blooded animal fhdjsk wait but if im a cat.... 'yes. (:' okay. poka >:( 'I WILL WARM YOU WITH MY WARMTH' oh you meant your COLD weather, didnt you? i appreciate this, thanks <з guess its part 2 again.... good for those people who come here to check if you have any new fisc... hope youre ok with it, though, bc your opinion is the most important<з

HEWWO MINGMING

meow LOOK AT THIS KITTY T_T

this kitty TT looks so much like a bat or the toothless (like from the cartoon). actually its him who looks like a cat but doesnt matter.

I SEE IT I LOVE TOOTHLESS T_T I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IM LUV HIM IM LUV LUV LUV HIM

omg wheres the link?? omg wheres it?? omg i cant see?? ohh such a pity i dont know what are you talking about, oh goddess... but actually omg youre so pretty TT and your voice is soso pretty TT

HHAHAAHH THIS ESCALATED SO QUICKLY HAHHAHA

like i logged in to instagram for the first time in a while for you. youre SOSO TT hottie-cutie TT my hottest and cutest catmom TT i love you soso bad TT

your voice is >>>>>>>>> and this cover is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> people!! shame on you for not reading your replies!!!! everybody need to hear it!!! this talent!!!!!!!! omg youre so talented *kisskisskiss your big brain and beautiful voice*

NOT READING MY REPLIES I READ ALL THE REPLIES TO ME oh do you mean people dont read the replies i have for you HAHAHHAHAHAHAH thats fine HAHAHAH i dont expect them to. btw i removed the link in that post now so HAHAH you've watched it anyway hahahha

'im hannah montana' HAJDJKD one more hannah? still that meme with spider-men...

me HAHAHAHHAAHHA

'singer by day, smut writer by night' isnt it the ladybugs line? AHAAHSH no nvm

ladybug? do you mean that show Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir i never watched it but i had classmates that did so.

also i think its in general a pretty generic line haha

'you wouldnt like me' nah i like you. youre like PRETTY. like really pretty. really-really beautiful. its good youre aware of this fact. people are just jealous. not only of your hotness but your confidence. they wish they could see themselves as hot and pretty too. (same actually)

well you like me now since you know me but idk people tend to be intimidated by me when we first meet. anyway let's not dwell on that im glad you like me thats all that matters <3 im luv u <3 also

im honored you think im beautiful <3 <3 i worked really hard to get confidence in myself but now i find that my confidence which comes from God is what really makes me confident. its in knowing my value will never deter or fluctuated in the eyes of the Creator that keeps me guarded and sure enough to say, 'yeah u can think im ugly, but im really not /: stay mad praying for your saltiness' HAHAHAHAH

idk i feel like theres an element in the world that really just enjoys it when we suffer so i hope we both persist through it because were both too hot and too smart to wallow in self pity.

idk what about another countries but in russia (and some other post-soviet countries) we have like? kinda culture of depression? but still most of adult people deny existence of mental issues. we have this pattern where everybody should be sad, hating themselves and their life. and if youre content with these? ohh you do so many wrong things, you should know that youre wrong for doing the best for yourself. ig its even post-war way of thinking but as i live in this environment, its easier for me to talk about it.

T_T its so sad that the war is still affecting you guys. i hate war. MEN ARE RATS FOR THAT /: i hope that at the very least YOU know its ok to reach out if youre in a bad spot and its OK AND GOOD to be confident and HATING YOURSELF IS BAD T_T its a privelage that i dont have to go through that and that i have found myself and how to love myself through the love others have given me <3 i hope i can help you find it too in my own little way.

this's the same situation. people who consider themselves not pretty envy the fact that you consider yourself pretty. also the fact that they can support you through your worst and influence your self-image gives lots of people boost of confidence and feeling of power. so dont cry, hottie-cutie! its not your problem.

T_T i love you so much. you're so right. its so much easier to tear people down than build them back up and so T_T i hope i can be contrary and always build people up, enough that even haters find it tiring to hate <3

'i wanna perform the song i made a cover to so badly' i believe you'll have a chance to do so! thank you for shining, the brightest rock star

T_T THANK YOU I WISH I CAN SOOOOO BADLY

<з privet, kak dela? (means how are you) omg im so sorry for anastasiya TT also anya is a different name TT anya is from anna, and anastasiya is nastya.

i'll reply using google translate: у меня все х��рошо, любовь моя. HAL:SHDASL:HDAS HAHHAHAAHHAHA also actually T_T HAHAH I WAS THINKIN MAYBE I GOT HER NICKNAME WRONG???? then i wondered if i even called her a nickname T_T ASH:LIAHSFHASF

all the travel-bloggers here say that nastyas MUST not call themselves nastyas in english speaking countries bc they can mistake it for nasty *shocked emojis* two different words that are spelt differently *more shocked emojis* well its their problem if theyre that stupid.... hope your nastya's doing good rn! eating tasty fried eggs and all.

actual T_T nastya is so cute but ur so right in english it would be nasty AHAHHAAHAHAHHA 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳🤪🤪😫😫 i hope my other russian baby is doing well too. she in fact replies to me like you HAHHHAHA very dry but i love her either way.

omg i tell you so much about russian i almost feel bad. please tell me more about your culture!! shame on me but i dont know much about filipinos so please be my guide!

i love learning about your culture! ok i will teach you about my favorite things FOOOOOD!!! :D

first of all i love rice. there are so many desserts in the ph and in asia made of rice and it think we are so superior for that. and since my mom said she would make it tom here is champorado!!

essentially its like chocolate porridge ..... uh idk what porridge is made of tho but i would say its like that HAHFslhafashfas anyway its served hot made of cocoa sticky rice and coconut milk then once its all cooked its topped with milk and i think slay i think yummy i think yes i think youd love this since its cold there

i often wondered if it was originally from spain because colonialism and the name sounds spanish but the ingredients namely the rice is not and i was just like it cant be spanish and i researched it a bit and found it has ties with MEXICAN STUFF and now it makes so much sense because of the galleon trade and yeah it makes so sense. T_T i hope it makes sense. the galleon trade was basically when spain was like ok we control the imports/exports in the whole of the ph and mexico because we own them also you can only use that one bay in manila and acapulco so (: i hope i remember everything right HAHAHAHAHA

'i dont like cold blooded animals' well i think im a cold blooded animal fhdjsk wait but if im a cat....

ur not cold blooded ur my kitty kat

'yes. (:' okay. poka >:(

what does poka mean?

'I WILL WARM YOU WITH MY WARMTH' oh you meant your COLD weather, didnt you? i appreciate this, thanks <з

HAHHAH YES the weather and yes the people can be cold lol AHHAH

guess its part 2 again.... good for those people who come here to check if you have any new fisc... hope youre ok with it, though, bc your opinion is the most important<з

im going to attempt to finish my final homework for the day before replying to ur p2 so that i have something to look forward to

xxx

i already burned my brain trying to read this speech i did not want to read AND I WATCHED THE MOVIE GAH ILL TALK ABOUT IT IN P2

[bedpissercastiel]

watch this *turns in the shittiest most worst written article youve ever read*

[formulawonu]

hi can you do a svt comforts y/n during their period and what they are mostly likely to do. <3

seventeen & period cramps

seungcheol: whatever ur craving for or want hes buying it the moment u say it out loud dhjxkdjh i think he's a lil flustered when u bring it up but then he just goes into leader/protective-mode and just dotes on u and wants to make sure ur ok. if ur cranky he is staying away 🙏

jeonghan: because he would try to make u feel better by bickering with u sjhsjadkfj like if u say smth out of pocket he'd be like "rly 🤨" then u eventually just forget abt ur period cramps or crankiness bec ur busy being arguing w him. he tells u about his tactic after and ur like 🙄 but hes like "it worked tho????"

joshua: he's the sweetest!!!! like he'd be walking on eggshells just a teensy bit but he's nonetheless very receptive to what u need. if u want alone time he can do that if u wanna cuddle he can do that skjdhs he's also the type to heat up the heating pad for u without u needing to say anything

junhui: will pig out with u no questions asked. ur craving pizza? he'll by one for each of u. ur craving ice cream? a tub for each of u. just wants to make sure u are happy and does whatever he can so u feel u arent alone

hoshi: he would treat u like an actual baby and be so doting to the point where ur like "soonyoung i can FEED myself" "soonyoung i can walk im on my period im not injured" but thats just how much he cares about u 😭 asks u how u are every hour

wonwoo: he would stay in bed with you the whole day. like that's his way of making sure you're okay and that you know he's literally there if u need anything. u spend ur days napping cuddling doing ur own thing with him beside u just for extra care :( does not bother u at all and he's so understanding abt everything

woozi: the man is in his studio most of the time already but if he knows ur on ur period he would make an effort to check in with u more often or even leave the studio just that much earlier to see you and be with you :( IM GONNA CRY

minghao: this man just gets it. brings u tea or offers to give u a massage or heat up the heating pad like he does not get affected one bit if u get moody or whatever he just lets the attitude pass and helps u figure out what u want <//3 also he knows periods are different for everyone so he doesnt assume anything he just asks u what u need straightforward

mingyu: this man serves u shit in bed lets be real like if u say u want warm soup he'd make it from scratch or whatever 😭 he'd also be down to just cuddle u in bed if thats what u want or give u massages cus his love language is physical touch (fight me on this) sjhdfsdjh he'd also kinda steer clear of u if ur in a bad mood bc man does not wanna make things worse

seokmin: PLS HED BE SO FUNNY DKHFSDHAS like he's just constantly racking his brain for what to do while ur on ur period when u just need him to continue being the same like hes overthinking everything hes abt to say to u and wondering if ur gonna get annoyed. but honestly it just comes off cute u cant hate the guy

seungkwan: HES PERFECT FOR THIS LIKE along w hao hes the one that rly does not shift who he is or whatever. honestly u look for HIM when ur on ur period and hes there already ready to do whatever it is u need him to do. u ask him for reassurance food rest advice and hes ur man.

vernon: clueless and doesnt know ur on ur period unless u tell him urself or say u have cramps jhdfsdj u know what maybe if u say cramps he still wouldnt get it until he puts two and two together. lots of awkward laughs and he would also just ask u whats up or if ur in the mood to do this or that. hes okay

dino: HE WOULD GET ON UR NERVES TRYING TO HELP U JHSDFGSRJFGHD like i picture it u cant clearly explain what u want and hes trying to connect the dots so when he tries to do something ur like NOT THAT LEE CHAN and hes like omfg sorry im so sorry and hes mostly apologizing. hes trying his best <//3

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

[parappah]

sasuke makes me feel like.... you would match with him on tinder right. he looks pretty cute in his pictures but his bio isn't really saying anything special and he looks like he has the personality of a mailbox but maybe it'll be different once i actually talk to him right. he messages you first surprisingly and he just says "Hey" and you're like omg.... hey. and you guys just carry out some really basic small talk like hey where do you work, are you in school, etc. he gives really straightforward and kinda boring answers he just doesnt seem like he's doing much. he's not in school he doesn't have a job but you know. you can't really have your standards too high right now simply because of the fact that you were on tinder in the first place. anyway, you and sasuke text over the next couple weeks and its still dry and you usually have to text him first but you figure its just because he's shy and maybe he'll be different once you guys meet in real life. so you guys plan to go out to a restaurant and eat on a friday night and he comes to pick you up at your place but he doesn't get out of his car to greet you which makes you go like.... ok... that's a little weird and also bad manners but you brush it off. you get in his car and say hello and he says hey and on the radio he's playing like some chill lofi hip hop study beats and he doesn't have spotify premium so the ads would play between the songs kind of ruining the chill immersion he was probably going for. anyway, not much is said during your drive to the restaurant but you figure it's just because he's focused on driving and you think he looks pretty cute and you're lowkey relieved that he's not a catfish or anything like that. anyway you guys get to the restaurant right and you guys sit down you order your food ggs and he still isn't really talking that much and he only says things when you ask him a question which is kind of... ok... maybe he's just being shy and you feel like you should just stop being paranoid and just act like a normal person because hello not everyone is the same as you maybe he just needs more time to open up. He cracks a few smiles and jokes throughout the rest of your dinner which greatly relieves you but you still dont feel like you can be fully yourself yet because you know this is just the first date. After dinner he asks if you want to go back to his apartment and hang out and you’re like okay sure even though you know in the back of your mind that its dangerous but he doesnt give you like. Direct serial killer vibes outright and you’re lowkey thinking about texting your best friend to prepare the photos that are going to show up on your episode of 60 minutes just in case. You guys go back to his apartment and its a pretty okay looking place not much furniture but it seems pretty typical for a guy’s apartment. You guys sit next to each other on the couch and he turns on the tv you guys start watching some netflix he doesn’t even ask what you feel like watching and he turns on a show you’ve never seen before and that he’s in the middle of season 5 of but you feel like if you just sit and listen you can get the gist of what’s happening. You start to feel really uncomfortable just laying on the couch in your jeans bc you’re wearing jeans it’s just not comfortable to wear jeans while you’re just chilling so it’s hard to relax sitting there with a guy you’ve basically just met chilling on his couch in jeans. You decide to let your guard down a little bit and lay your head on his shoulder and he lays his head down on yours too and you’re just like okay great it seems like he’s into this and you’re just feeling reassured somewhat due to this small gesture. He puts his arm around you. More reassurance. Then out of the blue he mentions that his roommates aren’t there tonight and if you want to go back to his bedroom and you’re like okay sure not really thinking it through that much but like. You know exactly whats about to happen. A small wave of excitement washes over your brain a bit bc its been a while since you’ve had any intimacy and you’re somewhat curious about what this guy has to offer even though you know how you’ll probably feel afterwards. Anyway. You guys pretty much fuck. But it feels like you’re fucking someone who’s in the other room. He’s not a particularly bad fuck he has a pretty nicely average size/looking dick but you just dont feel him. There’s no emotion you cant tell what he’s feeling it just feels like. Yes theres a guy here he’s fucking me but thats it. Who is this man why am i here i dont even think he knnows my last name and i dont even know his last name either but i do know that he mentioned a friend of his named naruto. Anyway after you guys finish sasuke looks over and asks if you’re okay because you’ve been really quiet and you say yeah everythings fine your stomach just hurts from your dinner earlier which is partially true since you had some spicy food earlier and you can handle your spice pretty well but since you’ve been so on edge the entire night you kinda feel it doing the works on your stomach. He asks if you want to spend the night but it doesnt sound like he actually wants you to spend the night it just sounds like he’s asking out of politeness because it’s not super polite to just cum in someone and then kick them out directly after but you say that nah you have some plans early in the day tomorrow and you should probably just go home. He says aight and then grabs his keys and drives you back to your apartment and as you’re getting out of his car he gives you the softest “see ya” where you can just slightly feel some emotion in his voice but it just doesnt quite reach it. Anyway you go inside you go straight to your room and get in your pajamas and you just curl up and cry. Even though he wasn’t particularly a bad guy but his frigid demeanor just sent you off a little bit and the emotionless sex at the end was really the icing on the cake. And you just kind of feel empty and used like wow did i really just fuck a guy that i just met on tinder 2 weeks ago i feel like such a whore. You text your friends in the group chat what happened and they reassure you that you are in fact, not a whore. You and sasuke text a few times over the next week or so just to keep up appearances out of politeness even though you both know good and well that you’re not compatible. You dont ghost each other or anything like that you guys are still friends on snapchat and follow each other on instagram and you watch his snapchat stories and he watches yours but you just never really talk to each other again but every time you come across him on social media you’re just reminded of that really uncomfortable night

anyway thats how i feel about sasuke

[kvgehiras]

can i request sleepover hcs with trickstar (separate)? i feel like they would be so much fun to be with... the new shuffle unit really woke up my inner trickstarP 🥺 (hope it's not too much to request all 😭)

HELLO !!! nd no it's ok !!!! it took me some time bcs i didnt . rlly know how to start out hokuto's part BUT IT'S DONE NOW !!!!!!! (also i hope u meant it in a setting where y/n nd the members r in a relationship (separately ofc) bcs that's how i wrote it so ye) hope yall like it ~

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

AKEHOSHI SUBARU

• he probably brought up the idea while u were accompanying him on a walk w daikichi

• u were talking abt how u brought these glow-in-the-dark stickers nd they remind u of him

• "it would b so nice if u could see it omg!!! but .... it's the best when u watch it right before u go to sleep.....nd ur probably busy :(("

• "????? LETS HAVE A SLEEPOVER THEN!!!!!!! W ALL THE SPARKLE SPARKLE STARS!!!! AAAAA IT WOULD LOOK SO PRETTY!!!!!!!!"

• nd ur just like :0 bcs u cant believe this dumbass . he has a live to perform in day after tomorrow but he's gonna have a sleepover........what

• "dw abt my live !!!!!!! ill tell hokke nd the others that i can't come today but i'll practice extra hard tomorrow !! they'll understand dw (*・∀-)☆"

• they didn't.....actually...but he cut the call on hokuto before they could get him to attend so uh-

• "anyways!!!!!!!! ^^^^^^"

• yall bring daikichi over too. it's not even a question daikichi is literally yalls child at this point but anyways

• he probably looks for board games for a good hour or two while u get some food for daikichi nd then get some food for subaru nd urself

• (he doesn't find it)

• u peek at the doorframe bcs for a while u keep feeling like someone has been watching u for a while now nd then boom . u see the other baby (read : subaru . main baby is daikichi, ofc!) pouting at u

• u laugh nd wipe ur hands on ur apron before ruffling his hair nd he goes

• "i can't find the board games :((((( y/n :(((((("

• surprise guessing game : whos the actual puppy? akehoshi subaru or his actual dog daikichi??????? it remains a mystery

• anyways u help him look for them nd after u hand him over the thing u get food for the both of u nd force him to eat atleast a bite bcs this bitch is too busy trying to win against u in snakes & ladders 😭😭😭

• "subaru.....pls....the food is getting cold....."

• "no i Know im gonna win!!! the sparkly stars r my good luck!!!! i know it!!!!!!"

• he.... doesn't win .....for the 5th time....

• so manz just gives up, noms all the sandwiches visible (aka his portion bcs u alrdy finished urs an hour ago JDJDKDN)

• nd then sleeps, still sulking

• yes it ends up in u guys cuddling under the glowy stars

• nd subaru thinks that mayb losing against u isn't that bad after all (´꒳`)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

HIDAKA HOKUTO

• unlike subaru, this was actually a planned one

• u both had homework to do, u especially had a test tomorrow nd subaru just ditched the rest of trickstar to go hang out w someone else instead of their practice so ┐(´∀｀)┌

• hokuto appears at ur doorstep around 6:30pm, as discussed earlier

• "right on time!!!!!! so true hokke (´∀`)ｂ"

• he chuckles a lil as he closes the door behind him nd takes off his shoes

• "(y/n) u keep sounding like that masked pervert whenever u say smthg like that pls"

• u laugh it off nd then get him to the living room, where u two get ur books out nd then start studying

• hokuto asks if uve studied any material before to which u quietly reply no nd hokuto just goes

• "oh, that's ok… i think it will be good practice for me too if i taught u all this, right? so let's start, hm?"

• HOKKEEEEEEE ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

• sasuga hokuto kyun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• anyways !! u guys (finally) start studying now!

• except…..except ur alrdy falling asleep……

• hokuto doesn't even realise this till he looks over to his shoulder bcs wow it suddenly feels heavy! wonder why!

• nd then boom ur face is an inch away from his

• poor hokuto his face gets all red and his ears r burning nd when he realises that ur sleeping he just . freezes

• doesnt even move fucking muscle

• mentally too manz just checks out NDNDNDJDJKS

• BUT IN HIS DEFENCE WHEN HE CAME TO UR PLACE HE DIDNY EXPECT THIS!!!!!!! HE EXPECTED TO STUDY ND THEN GO HOME YK!!!!!!

• poor guy he can feel how hard his heart is beating nd hes praying that u dont hear it nd wake up

• thank goodness ur a heavy sleeper……..nothing, nd i mean not even if boulder is dropped on u, can wake u up

• sasuga…..y/n……?

• anyways !!!!!

• u wake up at like . 2 or 3 am nd u find hokuto just closing his eyes shut, cheeks still bright red nd. WHYS HE SO CLOSE-

• o u fell asleep on his shoulder lol-

• U FELL ASLEEP?????

• u jerk back up nd apologise a million times for falling asleep even tho hes so desperately trying to teach u nd hokuto just tries to hard to explain that it's ok !!!!!!! (bcs he actually kinda . liked it . aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA)

• after much thought u guys just decided to go to sleep bcs ur too tired anyways so it's not like u would retain this info anyways

• nd it was a good decision bcs after waking up in the morning nd going thru his notes instead u actually aced the test !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so true y/n !!!!!!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

YUUKI MAKOTO

• this one….. it's like . neither planned or accidental?????

• it just happened????? yk?????

• he called u suddenly in the evening bcs he went to this new game shop that opened near his place right

• nd hes just like !!!!!!! y/n!!!!!!! uve got to check this game out !!!!!!

• nd so u go to his place to play the game nd u see that he just has everything prepared so u get the snacks that u got for both of u on a plate nd get some juice from his fridge nd start playing the game

• nd the game is rlly good !!!!!

• from the graphics to the boss music, makoto rlly knows ur taste

• (he blushes nd thanks u all flustered too hehe)

• nd after switching consoles nd playing the game for over 3 hrs, yes it's a pretty huge game, u finally reach the boss battle!!!!

• nd this . this scares u

• uve seen ppl on the net say that this battle will absolutely End u . periodt

• u never rlly understood why but holy shit u now do

• uve been trying to win against this bitch for AN HOUR at this point . why cant he just die

• poor makoto is just cheering u on in the bg bcs u refuse to let him help

• "y/n….(;´Д`)...... it's ok bb…...i'll finish this up for u…. it's like 4am we have class tomorrow- wait no it's actually today-"

• "makoto No u always help me in games let me finally win smthg for u !!!!!!"

• nd u point at his forehead nd poke it several times as u make ur point

• "ill win for u !!!!! ok!!!!! this stupid boss can never be as strong as my love for u !!!!!! (*｀へ´*) 彡3"

• nd hes just . looking at u all worried but he . he trusts u . so he lets u do it urself

• yes u lost even more times nd cried a lil out of frustration

• so at one point, instead of directly helping u, he just starts giving u directions nd at this point ur too tired nd exhausted to say anything so u just follow him

• (u also have ur head on his lap nd hes combing thru ur hair nd looking down at u like :') lmao what a lovebird)

• but when u actually beat the boss, finally, nd the screen says "win!" in huge yellow letters ur eyes go O.O

• nd u jump out of his lap, while he's still spaced out, combing ur hair nd hug him v tightly

• nd hes like ????? huh ???? wh wh wh ?????????

• nd u explain that u finally won nd u guys just rejoice lol

• then immediately fall asleep. both of u

• (u guys were late to school next day . sigh)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

ISARA MAO

• unlike the other three, this man was actually dragged to ur place

• why? u might ask

• WELL THIS DUMB RAT IS BURNT OUT !!!!!! HE DOES TOO MUCH WORK ND HE DOESNT REALISE IT !!!!!!!!!!

• so after u guys r done w school, nd when u check in w his fam too that hes gonna stay at ur place (nd also that he has almost no work today, ofc) u drag him to an arcade nd hes like ???

• "today is a rest day!!!!!! so no work at all!!!!!!"

• u said this while pouting a bit so mao mostly thought u were joking

• but even after going to the arcade, going to the shopping mall nd getting snacks, going to the fast food place u guys visit alot nd getting food from there, his brain doesnt catch on that ur indeed not joking

• until it's been 3 hours at ur place, ur having the dinner that u guys had bought from the fast food place while watching a random movie that was airing on some channel that his brain suddenly went

• 'i know they were saying that this is a rest day nd ur not allowed to work probably as a joke but bro…. i dont think it's a joke anymore'

• this is so sad f in the chat for mao lol

• but also he doesnt bring it up bcs ur forcing him to watch musicals w u (some of ur favs) nd he... actyally likes it?

• he hasn't felt so ….relaxed in a very long time now that he thinks abt it

• nd he has to thank u for it yk

• nd so after the musical marathon ends, as he thanks u, he kind of just goes on a rant yk

• abt how he's feeling

• he never expected for this to happen but u tell him it's ok yk

• nd while he shouldn't burden himself w so much work, ur always open to listen to his thoughts, opinions, random bs, anything !!!!!!

• for hours u guys just have a very deep talk abt how guys have been doing nd mao feels like hes so so glad that u did smthg like this for him

• yall also go to bed early bcs mao alrdy has a bad sleeping schedule (so let's not make it worse!!!!)

• nd in conclusion, it was a v good day! now yall do this whenever either of u r feeling down or get burnt out lol

[residentevildash-moved]

why dont you wanna play re2make?

short answer: it simply doesnt appeal to me

long answer: going under cut LOL

[warning its really long and i start to sound mean near the end i think]

re2make lands in a specific & unfortunate spot where i cant enjoy it at face value as a res evil game, and i cant enjoy it in a dismissive "woah look how crazy this is lol" way, either. it just irks me a lot. ill try to explain

my first res evil game was the re1 remake, which was very faithful to the orig re1, in terms of gameplay and style. i LOVED this. then i went to play the next game in the series, and went for the re2 remake, since i (naive, new to this cruel world) figured it was a remake like the re1 remake, in terms of style & stuff, and. um! well. it isnt! right? its different, since it was made in 2019, and REmake was in......2002? i want to say? hold on. . . yeah 2002. so of course they werent going for the same style of remake. they were making it to appeal to modern game audiences, so it was less of a 1:1 and more of a re-imagining. and it doesnt try to say otherwise, it knows that its a re-telling/re-imagining, i was just not expecting that (again, naive, unaware of the hell that is capcom games)

right, so, i played maybe 5 minutes of re2r, and was like "i dont like this, im just going to play the original re2" and did that. i loved re2 a lot. i mean. <3 <3 <3 . so, as someone who's now attached to the orig re2, i have my perceptions of each of the characters and everything all living in the delicate ecosystem of my brain; near and dear 2 me etc. re2make is a whole different animal, and if it interacts with said ecosystem, all the little bugs are going to explode and blood disaster forever. this brings us to the section of my answer where i explain my beef with re2 remake leon

[id: "My beef with re2make Leon" in all caps]

i just dont like him. i dont like what they did with his character, i dont like how he looks, and i hate how fans talk about him, which he is unfortunately getting blamed for since seeing him reminds me of the vile shit that ive seen (whoever made the naked sexy whatever leon mod(?) is going to hell and im smashing them with hammers). ok. taking a step back. what actually wrong with him?

the simple answer is "hes just not leon." leon, in re2, is kind of a bitch, a guy who got blackout drunk (bc he was upset abt a breakup) the night before driving into raccoon city to be like 8 hours late for the first day of his job. which turned out to be zombies. which he fought while hungover the entire time. while being ridiculous & stupid. re2make 'leon' (i need the ' ' for my own sanity) is just some regular guy who doesnt have any of that going on. he has a lukewarm, generic personality and could be named matthew and it wouldnt make a difference. design wise, re2make 'leon' was also made to look friendly(?), or whatever the fuck, and his haircut is more generic, while re2 leon looks kind of mean (on purpose) and has the iconic curtain bangs. theyre just different characters, so it irks me that the re2r guy is considered to be leon. i know its subjective, but this is all just my opinion anyways. i do appreciate his existence though, because hes fodder for horny people, dbd players, and annoying people who call anything that moves a twink. its like this

so thanks 2 him for that

i also dont like what they did to claire, sinc she looks like debbie ryan and her dialogue is less cool. shes just lamer and more .. i dont know. generic Girl. claire is a badass and re2r claire is kind of nothing, but not as nothing as 'leon.' i just feel bad for what capcom did to her

you may have seen my other response to an ask abt wtrc, where i said i was ok with it being different from the source, so i just wanted to add that its different with re2r because 1. it takes itself seriously, 2. its a videogame so thats many hours of psychological torment as opposed to 1-2 hours 3. avan jogia as leon

i hope this answers your question? i guess the true answer is that i cannot play it because it will make me mad. i think its a fine game for other people to like, like, its a generic whatever """resident evil""" experience, but i just really dislike its entire angle. heres my fav image ive made abt this

and some bonus re2 pics/concept art if you made it to the end thanks for reading

[hongism]

caly bestie baby beloved dearest you sweet kind soul... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??!/!!:? oh man oh jeez wth i wanna scream everything out so bad but i dont wanna spoil it for the people but omg wHAT HOW WHY?

ok but honestly in retrospect, i think it kinda does make a lot of sense and was somewhat already anticipated. i mean miss girl got brainwashed. TWICE. so in perfect moc universe aka caly’s big brain fashion basically anything could have happened. and loads of hints were dropped in the past chapters leading up to this too (glad i was able to decipher just a teeny tiny part ;;v;;)

there were loads of other things and EVEN MORE THEORIES that were mentioned that my brain cant really remember at the moment but i just gotta say, you really meant it when you said this act had some big revelations in store. what got me most surprised was actually wooyoung and mc’s past. im superrr excited to learn more about the pair’s story, as mindblowing doesnt even start to describe their fate and connection.

you can probably tell what the second most surprising revelation is HAHAH. damn they really just casually waltz in just like that after poor girl turned beast mode and started seeking revenge on the whole god damn universe :D im so so curious about how this even happened because the guy might just also be a victim of circumstance. but if they aint like jisung here, one eye open when ur sleeping babes.

again, absolutely exquisite writing miss caly. i cant tell you enough times how obssesed i am with moc and probably every other thing you write. take care and oh, happy late birthday dearest!! - 🌊

again,,,drastically late im sorry T^T but aAAA thank you beloved im so glad you enjoyed the chapter gah you’re too sweet to me!

now as for the chapter. im glad you were anticipating it heh i was most excited for that reveal and to see the reactions that came out of it bc i was hinting at it and i was hoping that people would figure it out before the big reveal and i was so happy to see that was the case :3

many many theories and many many things happening, and while wooyoung and mc were kinda dancing around this idea of maybe they know each other maybe they don’t, and now we finally have some confirmation as to what their pasts look like! 

and yes the second most surprising :3 we do have to wonder, how did this happen, what is going on, and why is jisung bringing her to him when he knows how important that man is to mc?? hmhmhm many questions to be asked :3

as always thank you sm and thank you for the bday wishes as well, im excited to share the next chapter 💖💖

[headofhelios]

Ok I am a single follower but I like hannibal tv but would enjoy ur movie thoughts I like some of the books too and have been meaning to get around to the movies 😳😳

OKAY I'M EDITING A READMORE ONTO THIS LOL I REALIZED THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO! so now my incredibly waaayyy too long answer abt my thoughts on 2002 will is under there. apologies bc this is less "movie thoughts" and more "2002 movie will thoughts" but well thats how the chips fell

GOD okay sooo for the record i am reading the red dragon book and am like 7 or 8 chapters in and full transparency im not like. enjoying it lol. the book pisses me off with its misogyny (all the women in it are either dead or it feels like you're supposed to think theyre Selfish Bitches or theyre just there for like. bizarre and uncomfortable sexual moments like the guys talking abt that woman in the elevator, or that one part of mrs. leeds diary which is like. i guess could be there to Show Her Humanity or whatever but 1. there are more ways to do that 2. the book doesnt seem particularly concerned with her humanity considering she's barely even given a first name and so far the novel hasnt seemed to disapprove of how will thinks of her as a possession of her husband) and its inconsistency with will's most important character trait or whatever (he's so intensely, extremely empathetic towards EVERYONE, even serial killers, which makes him really good at finding them! and he can never turn this off, to the point where every time he has a conversation with someone, he ends up mimicking the way they talk, even if he tries to stop! but also he never empathizes with the victims or HIS OWN FUCKING WIFE? HELLO? so it really feels less like "extremely strong empathy for everyone that he cant control" and more like "he can empathize with serial killers extremely well and also other people if we want to Make A Point in one scene instead of letting the point show through the whole book") BUT UHHH ANYWAY. MOVIE THOUGHTS. THE MOVIE THOUGHTS YOU ASKED FOR COMING RIGHT UP!

okay this is what i am worried will either 1. draw annoying tv will graham stans to my blog like flies or 2. end with me being hanged in the town square BUT. it must be said. i prefer 2002 red dragon will graham to tv will graham. and quite frankly? so far? i think 2002 red dragon will graham is better than book will graham. i cannot lie.

my reasoning: because 2002 will actually empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss! y'know! like you'd assume someone with constant extreme empathy would! the difference between the first scene with molly in the book vs in the movie are SO striking to me now that i've read that part of the novel. in the novel he seems very... rough, i guess, and like he doesnt care about molly's worries. he doesnt seem to see things from her perspective, which especially feels like a kick to the gut because MOLLY! SEES! THINGS! FROM! HIS! PERSPECTIVE!!! she literally empathizes with him more than he does with her! what the fuck! MEANWHILE in the movie, he does seem to care about her. his assurances that he wont get too involved seem like assurances rather than him trying to get her off his back. he hugs her and tells her he loves her and i actually believe that yeah, he loves her, he knows she's worried about him, and he wants to comfort her and ease her worries. and the victims! AGAIN such a stark difference to me! in the book, will is like... uncomfortable empathizing w the red dragon, of course, but he doesnt seem to empathize with the victims all that much, ESPECIALLY not the women. he doesnt care about them. he sees them as possessions belonging to their husbands and its so fucking gross. despite already suspecting that the red dragon chooses families based on the women, he decides to waste time focusing on the husbands as a way of "asking permission to look at [their wives]." what the fuck? meanwhile in the film, he feels for the victims so much that he can barely even say that the kids were shot in bed! when he watches the tapes, he focuses on the women! because that's his fucking job!!! and we see him empathizing with them! wow!!

siiigh okay im gonna stop talking abt the book vs the movie now bc again im only like 8 chapters or so deep. but now we come to tv will vs. 2002 will, which is admittedly gonna be more subjective and part of that it bc i cant remember a whole lot of specifics from the show bc my memory is Very Bad. but anyway

let's get the shallow stuff out of the way. yes i prefer ed norton's face to hugh dancy's. call hugh dancy "gender" or whatever have your fun i support you and your right to call any blood covered man a gender but by god is that not even REMOTELY my experience. next shallow thing to get out of the way: ed norton's line delivery is like music to my FUCKING ears compared to hugh dancy's i am so sorry. like the jokes about will shaking like a damp chihuahua before taking 5 minutes to stutter out "he's killing them....... On Purpose, jack." are funny and all but christ i had SUCH a hard time watching the show bc of that im not lying. literally hearing 2002 will just say "he's not keeping them. he's eating them." nice and quick, matter of factly is better than well im actually gonna end that sentence there but you get the idea. like YESSS you little blonde bitch get to the point i love you!!!

OKAY NOW less shallow points but also less uhh idk man i just dont remember a lot of hannibal. but basically: after seeing how caring 2002 will is, i'm kind of... idk i'm just so over tv will and how abrasive and harsh he is in comparison. like i fell in LOVE with how vulnerable 2002 will is, how he feels like he cares deeply about the people around him (and honestly... idk i cant remember a moment in the hannibal tv series that made me feel the way i felt when 2002 will can't say "the kids were shot in their beds". it's like... yeah this is a guy who feels so deeply for everyone around him at all times. i believe that.) and i just dont remember getting that same feeling from tv will. i have been gently spoon fed the most excellent chocolate pudding and everything else in my memory is just a snack pack. i guess tv will has those moments (what comes to mind is when he brings gideon to hannibal's house and is crying and he says "please dont lie to me") but idk they just didnt really do for me what 2002 will does. and then their scenes with reba! wow! i rewatched the tv version after watching red dragon, bc the film version made me tear up, meanwhile the tv version i barely remembered and i wasnt sure if that was just bc of the different mindsets i was in while watching them or what. and ok i just rewatched the tv version again and like... yeah. it's the wills lol. i LOVEEE tv reba SO much she is giving everything in that scene!! she sounds so like... broken, both bc of dolarhyde's apparent suicide and bc of finding out who he was + what he was doing, she sounds so fragile and guilt ridden! she's amazing!! but will. idk. tv will's delivery just seems... idk this feels dumb to say but it sounds like writing. i admittedly LOVE the line "people who study this kind of thing say that he was trying to stop because you helped him." and his delivery there is good. but between tv "you didnt draw a freak, you drew a man w a freak on his back" and the 2002 version, the 2002 delivery seems more genuine while the tv delivery sounds rehearsed. idk overall the 2002 version of that conversation just makes me feel more? its like. idk i can feel the 2002 version gently holding my heart while the tv version is a scene that is nice in h/nnigram gifsets or w/e.

umm ok this is already suuuper long and my brain is getting a bit mushy so i'm gonna start wrapping it up lol. i'll probably compare book will and 2002 will again after i finish the book, and then i miiight rewatch hannibal, or at least parts of s3. but right now my thoughts are basically: book will is a fucking dick who has an easier time empathizing with serial killers than with his wife. tv will is a nothing girl after being so completely catered to + also idk he doesnt have the same fragility that i want from my wills now. and 2002 will is my little caramel apple. he has this delightful vulnerability and feels like he cares so much and empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss and 4 people in a diner for one scene! 2002 will made me care about will graham! which is honestly kind of a feat!

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

[tigerdrop]

okay kind of obsessed with the body swap art tho. idk why i just like benrey getting to bully gordon with his own body, his own voice, and i like gordon trying to navigate whatever weird shit benrey’s got going on. gordon not being able to figure out or control whatever organs in benrey’s throat produce sweet voice so it’s just spewing whatever emotions he’s feeling at random (including Horny? uh oh. can’t hide that as easily as a surprise boner can you gordon?)

this ask kicked me into actually thinking about it and your brain is so huge. massive. i lost control

last night i was struggling to articulate thoughts for the body swap thing but this is kickstarting me. i. really love bodyswap stuff........(sighing) i am yet again having to confront the fact that i latched onto an embarrassing number of Things after having first read about them in [REDACTED]. truly hate being alive

so like......potions. you can get into a whole lot of weird stuff with potions. truly loving that darnolds 5-minute existence gives me an excuse to think of the stupidest horny potions scenarios

and why in the fuck wouldnt he have a bodyswap potion just chillin in his lab. why wouldnt benrey crack that bad boy open and take a sip while darnolds bitching at him "dont you touch any of those goddamn potions. im not gonna tell you which ones which so if you die, you die"

gordon claps benrey on the back afterwards like "well, thats a risk im perfectly happy for him to take" but uh oh you fucking buffoon. the touch is what activates it. and shit just starts spinning and schlorping in his mind and he nearly falls over clutching the lab bench next to him and when he cracks his eyes back open, hes........shorter. and everybodys asking if somebodys okay but that somebody isnt him and hes kind of miffed about that

and then gordons head turns and he sees Himself being steadied on his feet by tommy and darnold and hes like.......guys? guys. hello! and the sound of benreys voice coming out of him with that irritated and loud timbre makes everybody turn to face him........b/c that is so insanely weird coming from him

im like way into the idea of benreys, like, Eye Darkness Thing transferring to gordons face when their bodies are swapped, too. its just his malevolent energies manifesting physically no matter what body hes in

Wait god wait. Like. Benrey in Gordon's body and he gets horny for some reason and has to live Gordon's fucking pained life of the suit edging the hell outta him- Bc now Gordon can actually fucking jerk off for the the first time in days. No edging bullshit from the hev suit

benreys newfound appreciation for why gordons such a bitch all the time

RRRRRRRRRRR gordon able to go wild beating his meat that night finally but right before he does he stops because hes looking down at. 8)!

YES EXACTLY....... gordon freeman humbled by the sight of benreys huge meat. except its his meat now 

at first he only feels mildly weird about jacking it when hes not even in his own body right now but hes been edged for days now and hes just thinking "if i can just get this out of the way now, ill be clear-headed for however fucking long im stuck in black mesa. maybe this is why ive been so goddamn stupid lately. yeah"

but then he gets some time and space to himself at long last and unzips and the shock of seeing benreys huge uncut dick instead of his own brings him back to reality like "?oh my god what the fuck am i doing"

embarrassment! guilt! but also hes still fuckin horny and eventually curiosity wins out. whats the harm, right. its not like he has to say anything about it. and gordon freeman is (mostly) heterosexual and hes never been this up close and personal with a foreskin before and hes just......curious. scientifically

maybe hes even.......locked himself inside one of the company restrooms while hes at it. just to make sure hes got privacy. and there is a mirror right there........  he was gonna just bust one out and leave as fast as he can but now hes curious

starts. thumbing the hem of his shirt under benreys vest. starts lifting it up experimentally just to see where all that hair leads. out of curiosity. and seeing the curve of benreys stomach peek out in the mirror makes him hiccup on sweet voice inadvertently 

weirdly enough theres a part of him thats both relieved and disappointed that hes never seen that color before

he never envisioned that seeing benrey like this would be a turn-on but like......with that vest and that helmet on he just looks like some kind of fuckin roundish rectangle shape. but now gordons intimately familiar with how his body feels to move around in......what hes gotta look like underneath all that armor and ill-fitting work clothes......and the hornier he gets the stupider he gets

takes off the helmet.......just to test the waters. if somebody manages to bust in, thats not so weird to explain. and hes surprised by the shock of black hair he finds under there. he doesnt know what he was expecting....but honestly, benrey looks, like, kind of nice like that. more like a person

im slightly obsessed with the idea of benrey just not even registering as a Real Guy, physically, to gordon, one that he could possibly be attracted to, until hes out of his work uniform.......like hes more of an icon of a person than anything up until that point. pure signifier. no substance

like......you know......the equivalent of how benreys HL model registers to 99% of people watching the series. sure, thats not necessarily anything youd register as "hot", most likely, but then u peel that away and its like........Oh

the model is the icon and the representation of the icon is the real

and gordon runs a hand thru benreys hair and tries out one of those shitty little smirks benrey likes to use on him and the effect is.......dizzying. is that him? is that what benrey really looks like to him?? he feels fuckin salacious doing this

he can even.........get his face up close to the mirror and really look at those teeth

run his tongue over them experimentally.......feel their sharp edges.......and, no, theyre not sharp like a knife, but they are definitely pointy. and surprisingly well-kept......hes never seen benrey brush his teeth before but clearly he must. theyre so smooth and slick under his fingertips

and then he flushes and drops his hand b/c hes getting some weird fucking thoughts right now........but looking back up at himself in the mirror and seeing benreys face all wide-eyed and red makes the issue worse

oh, you really like seeing him look like that, dont you. and gordons pissed b/c this isnt even his fucking brain but its still whispering the exact same neurotic, self-defeating shit at him that hes trying very hard to tamp down

and then he starts getting a little crazier. taking off the vest. he can explain that, no problem. its just kind of hot. heavy. he needed a breather! its normal. just in here to splash some water on his face and cool down, nothing wrong with that. but that just makes benreys shirt all the easier to access.......and he tugs the hem of it just a little higher and looks at himself in the mirror and runs a thumb over the curve of his stomach, where the hair is thickest, and he shivers

gordon freeman is deeply normal and would never get off to the sight of a guy with arms the size of his head tentatively dragging the hem of his shirt up, just for gordon to look at him closer

hands shaking from nerves as he decides to loosen his tie and start unbuttoning and he sees more and more hair-dusted skin and muscle and fat and a thin sheen of sweat reveal itself

> i could see gordon trying to tense and flex the muscles a bit just because hes normal

HE IS, AND HE WOULD

he doesnt know when "being horny b/c hes been pent up and edged for days and he just needs to get his rocks off real quick so he can be normal again" turned into "being horny b/c the way benrey looks under his uniform is scary good to him" but if he thinks about that too hard hes gonna have a panic attack

tells himself that its all just because he hasnt been able to get off. thats why hes thinking this shit. hell stop thinking it once he nuts

> hey this is a quick aside but yknwo how he talks to himself in third person sometimes? what if he does and then kinda does a mental double take at how his name sounds coming out of benreys mouth, with his voice. ok thats it goodbye

oh ym god thats making me go insane. doing it by accident and then.........saying it again. on purpose. just to hear benreys voice doing it

getting one knee hitched up onto the sink and leaning forward with his arm braced against the mirror and his forehead leaning on his arm and tugging benreys dick (no, idiot, thats your dick right now, stop thinking about it) and tentatively groaning out his own name and it comes out so hoarse and desperate that it punches him straight in the gut (too bad, hes thinking about it, he cant not think about it, not with the way he looks and sounds right now)

> remember in the series when benrey called him gordon one (1) time and he noticed immediately and was like..i think thats the first time youve called me by my name.

he looks so fucked out and slutty in that mirror that it almost makes him pass out

eyes darting like hes trying to commit every single detail of how he looks right now to memory (b/c he is. he fucking is. he wants to make benrey look like this so fucking bad. just for him. wreck him and get him flushed and sweaty and panting and moaning gordons name and jesus christ, okay, thats where his brains taking him. okay. cool)

hes dizzying himself thinking about it. he knows benreys hot for him by this point, theoretically. assuming his weird come-ons werent just jokes. benrey would probably let him do this to him. benrey would probably want him to touch his dick. gordon thinks about how good it might feel for his own hand to be on benreys dick and he cant get himself solidly into one headspace or another - hes gordon, hes benrey, he wants to touch, he wants to be touched, he wants to feel his own hand on this dick (and god, maybe he could. maybe he could ask. wouldnt that be crazy.)

benrey in gordons suit and gordons body and gordons face leaning over him, b/c fuck, he really is tall compared to benrey, hes figured that one out awful quick. and gordons (his) hand on his (benreys) dick and stroking him and leering down at him with those dark, dark eyes that dont even really look like his eyes, anymore, not with the way theyre shaded over, and hearing his (benreys) (his) voice moaning out his (gordons) (definitely gordons) name and all the little "pleases" and "thank yous" that he cant stop letting out b/c benreys voice was made for it, made to beg and whine and ask so nicely, and his heads spinning as he comes all over the fucking mirror and sink

> i wonder if this could be combine with the ideas that parts of the self or like mind is still a bit left behind if that makes sense, like with benrey also wanting this that part of the reason gordon wants to say those things

"do you want to fuck him or do you want to be him?" well my good bitch, perhaps you can have a little of both. welcome to my personal hell

hes never come so hard in his fucking life and the noise that rips out of him when he does, finally, after days of being jerked around (ha ha) makes his ears burn with shame

now if you really wanna go crazy. imagine that benreys up and walking around this whole time b/c being edged by his stupid broken suit is making it impossible for him to sleep, and he hears........all of this. stops and presses himself flat agains tthe wall to listen

he cant actually get into the bathroom to scare the shit out of gordon/offer to join in/etc, b/c this stupid flesh body of gordons cant even noclip, but he can press his ear to the door and. listen. and he can flush all the way down to his chest when he hears gordon in there, moaning out his own name with benreys voice

so thats what gordon wants him to do, huh. thats what hes thinking about.

poor benrey, tho. he gets to experience just a lick of the endless fucking suffering that gordon goes thru every single day just by being alive, and "the HEV suit trying and failing to suck him off to completion while his dick twitches against the hard metal of the interior every time gordon groans in there" is just one small part of it

anyway . see ya. my final message

[bee-calm]

Aaaaaaah love me new to the tbhk Fandom! Jfjfjes I wanted to know ur opinions on a few ships I'd that's ok! Ehehe so the first one is hananene, I really like the ship it's cute! And the second is aoinene! Oh man that one's my other djfjfkelrkkfsjf

2/2 SAmE ANON WHO ASKED ABOUT HANANENE AND AOINENE I HAD A TYPO FRICK I MEANT TO SAY AOINENE IS MY OTHER OOPS THAT IS ALL BYEEE 

hi anon !! as usual this is probably gonna get pretty long so i apologise in advance hhdgdhd

so this is the part where i get cancelled because i have to admit that i don’t really care about hananene all that much- i don’t dislike it or have anything against it!! it just doesn’t interest me that much personally, and i kind of prefer the idea of a platonic relationship between them (give me chaotic bi best friends rn). one thing i will say about them is that they need to have a serious talk at some point about this thing hanako does where he assumes what nene wants instead of actually just asking her- bc he’s made some pretty terrible decisions because of it and still doesn’t really seem to acknowledge that it’s maybe a bad thing to do. im very much rooting for nene to yell at him once the current arc has been resolved bc he kind of deserves it. anyway, i can definitely see the appeal, its the Main Ship for a reason, but it just doesn’t particularly get me, you know?? 

i dont think its any secret that aoinene is one of my favourite tbhk ships- one of my favourite ships full stop, even. you look inside my brain and it’s just full of aoinene thoughts 24/7. nothing else in there. i think my favourite thing about them is the fact that they can be cute friends-to-lovers who garden together and probably wrote letters to each other when they were kids, but they can also be super complex and painful (while still having the potential to work things out eventually.)  aoi and nene are both characters who have been lying to each other since the beginning of the series- nene has been keeping the supernatural stuff from aoi to the point that aoi was convinced nene hated her and was avoiding her, and aoi has been putting on a fake personality in order to fit in, and never mentioned it until she felt lost enough to want to disappear into the far shore. again theyre another two that have a LOT to talk about after this arc, and i very much hope that aidairo don’t skip over the the struggles they’re probably going to have to go through to repair their relationship. i guess the thing that really gets me about aoinene is the fact that neither of them are in the right, but nothing they’ve done is irreparable either- it might take a bit of work to fix things, but that sort of,, potential for growth is something that i really enjoy. i definitely prefer ships like that where both characters are a bit flawed bc it just makes it feel way more human despite this, aoi + nene do still clearly care about each other though!! (i will gladly fight anyone who thinks aoi doesnt care about nene.) some of the times nene has looked most distressed have been when aoi is in danger, and aoi openly worries about nene doing strange stuff by herself- and she looks up rumours and scary stories to tell her bc she knows nene enjoys them !! (also you cant tell me that aoi’s ‘i missed my chance to tell her’ didn’t seem at least a little bit romantic) i should probably stop here but aoinene has pretty much every single one of my favourite tropes, they can be super sweet while also having the potential for a lot of depth, and man i just want them to talk things out and start being more honest with each other,,

[petewentzisblack1312]

Hi… I wanted to ask this on anon so I didn’t ask on your personal, idk if this is too personal or anything to ask but

Do you have a problem with people saying they have a mental disorder if they don’t have a diagnosis? Like for me so… I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I am like 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And like I know you can’t diagnose me so I’m not going to go into depth with my symptoms but ever since I was like, 11, I used to get very depressed to the point where I contemplated ending it but then i would snap out of it and I think for me my manic phase are hypomanic bc ive never experienced like the full range of those symptoms but my depressive phases get very rough esp if I have external stressors but it will go through what I assume to be these phases like sometimes within the day esp if I have a stressor.

I am in nursing school and I work at a psych hospital so like this isn’t coming out of nowhere, I am very familiar with all mental disorders and it was actually during my psych nursing class and learning about bipolar disorder that I was like… hm… why does this feel like a mirror right now. I am aware I should get to a therapist and get an actual diagnosis (if I had money I would lol) but like idk. Idk if it’s worth going to my doctor at my physical and being like “hey I think I have this” I am lucky enough now that I am in a good place and can manage my symptoms but I am terrified I will go through a stressor again and lose it so idk. I mean I feel like I already know the answer but I wanted to ask anyway to see your take :/

Anyway idk as a future medical professional I think self diagnosis got a bad rep and it’s like idk I think for mental disorders esp you can tell if you have anxiety and it’s a persistent problem. You can tell if you have depression. I know bipolar disorder is harder to diagnose but idk I think since I’m in the field it’s easier? Idk I felt like a sense of relief with learning about it and finding similarities and being like “well maybe that’s why I’m like that”. But idk now I’m feeling uneasy bc I don’t have a diagnosis and I don’t want to be like, stepping over people who were diagnosed. Thank you in advance if you read all this and yeah I’m sorry I know it’s a lot and this is controversial

ok this is a long post so im putting it under a cut but tldr, no i dont have a problem with it. it doesnt matter if you actually have an illness, it matters if you find a solution to your problem. if treating yourself like you have a certain condition makes it easier to go through life, then keep doing what works for you, you are doing nothing wrong. this all goes for physical and mental illnesses.

im a firm proponent of self diagnosis. i wouldnt be here if i didnt have the confidence to research mental illnesses and advocate for myself. as someone who is extremely familiar with the medical profession on account of being the daughter of a doctor and a nurse and spending my childhood running around a hospital, im extremely privileged to even have the knowledge and ability to do so, and i try to bear in mind the understandable hesitancy of people without this advantage. i know that you are well within your right to refuse medication that makes you sick, i know that you can complain about a doctor that isnt listening to you, i know that you are allowed and encouraged to be adamant about things you are told dont matter, and in addition to that, i have a VERY well known doctor and a nurse in my corner, and i am STILL treated as though i do not understand my own experiences enough to have any authority more often than i am not.

the reason self diagnosis gets a bad rep imo is because people have constructed this boogeyman of the worst case scenario, people collecting mental illnesses they dont have for attention as opposed to what it is, people doing research into their experiences and making theories on what they have so they can manage it. youll often see the take of "i dont hate self dxd i just hate people who do it for attention" and i think thats very irresponsible considering a symptom of many mental illnesses is thinking youre faking it and doing it for attention, nevermind the fact that attention seeking behaviour is literally a symptom of many mental illnesses people often dont want to empathize with. gatekeeping whos illness is real just keeps people who need help out. i could go into an anarchist screed about democratizing health, but basically, as someone whos life has been saved by my insistence on self diagnosis, and whos life has been made significantly easier by treating myself as though i have the conditions that i theorize i have, self diagnosis saves lives, and i, as an advocate for disabled people of all kinds on my island, will never put any conditionals on self diagnosis. it doesnt matter if you find the right name for your problem, it matters if you find a solution that works. i have yet to meet any of these fabled people who never try to receive a professional opinion, only people who literally cant.

as for feeling guilty, ill repeat how i opened this answer: it does not matter what exactly your problem is, it matters that you find a solution that works. in medicine generally, there will be a wide spectrum of problems with overlapping treatments, things which are similar but distinct, things which look identical but are completely different and at different levels of concern. it doesnt really matter which grab bag of bullshit your brain is reaching from, it matters that you know how to deal with what it throws at you, whatever that may be. dont worry about getting it right, worry about getting it working. okay?

for advice on how to deal with doctors, its helpful to pose it as a hypothetical as opposed to an absolute. when i bring up things im dealing with that i have a theory about i say "i think i have x" or "i think i might have x" or "i have a lot of symptoms of x". doctors are often egotistical and are easily challenged so it helps to pose it at a problem they can solve as opposed to one youve solved for them otherwise they get spooked. in my experience posing it this way leads them to actually interrogate this line of symptoms, and theyll ask you why you think that, and you can bring up symptoms that led you to that conclusion, and ones that give you trouble especially. for example, ive said "i think i may have autism or adhd? or both" to several doctors, and they either agree with me (i believe its been put in my file as a possibility now although i cant get an official test done due to financial and resource restrictions) or they ask why i think so, and i detail what i believe is due to my autism. its small, but this reframing helps a lot.

i think this covers all you said but my head is empty as hell.

[urmomification]

WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]