#ok ima shut up for fucks sake

[aeternal-nightmare]

First try to draw Oswald. I'm not fully satisfied but anyway

[tpwkwriter]

Meeting the in-laws.

• mentions of anxiety!! But fluff all round <3

————

“Fuck sake” the girl muttered under her breath, while searching top to bottom of her shared wardrobe.

The frantic sound of items being tossed around and draws and doors being slammed shut peeked the interest of her boyfriend.

“Dove, s’all this?” He beamed, motioning to the clothes and accessories scattered on there shared bed.

“Cant find nothing to wear for the weekend” she pouts, this weekend was, finally the time where y/n meets Anne, her lovers mum, although she was excited too finally meet her and see what it was like for him growing up, she also couldn’t stop her anxiety from raising in her body when she thought about what she was doing.

“No clothes, m’seeing a whole wardrobe all over m’bed darling” he says snaking his arms around her waist and kissing the crown of her head.

“Know but, nothing good enough, like what, what do I wear to meet my boyfriends mum?” She stresses picking at her fingers out of worry.

“What have I told you about doing tha” he remarks putting his hands over hers and pulling them down while pulling her closer.

“Wear what makes you comfy love, mum already loves you, couldn’t care what you wear, m’serious”

“How about we tidy up and go get dinner?” He proposed

To the girl happily agreed.

——————

Friday morning came along and due to the ride nearing 4 hours the day started quite early, y/n woke earlier then there alarm was supposed to go off, the dark sinking feeling in her stomach goes off, when she realised what day it was, don’t get it wrong of course she was excited but her approval towards y/n meant alot she just wanted to be liked by Anne.

She sits cross legged on her side of the bed, and leans her back against there shared headboard.

Turning her head to the sleeping Angel that lie next to her made her realise that even though she felt nervous, she would happily push through for him and his family.

She takes her phone in hand and tries to distract her from her mind, her thoughts where knocked when she felt a ringed hand sit on her exposed knee.

“Y’ok lovie” he mumbles, using his free hand to run it down his hair revealing his sleepy eyes and pretty face.

“Mhmm” she hummed

“Excited for today?” He asks finally opening his eyes.

“Yeah, cant wait to see y’mum” she replies pressing a kiss to his exposed forehead.

—————

Within 3 and a half hours of the drive it doesn’t take long for y/n’s feelings to kick again and intrusive thoughts raid her mind ‘what if she hates me’ ‘what if she doesn’t approve of us’ ‘what if she thinks I’m using her son for fame or money?’

“Nearly there dove” he says placing his hand on the girls thigh allowing her to fiddle with his rings.

“Okay baby” she murmurs.

“ she knows I don’t use you right? Money, fame” she adds, the tone of her voice shows stress the was currently feeling.

“Baby honey, no, never, she hasn’t even met you darling yet all she has to say it positive about you, she thinks your perfect already” he speaks keeping his eyes on the road but using his free hand to drum his fingers on her thigh, to show he he was listening.

As the couple pulled up to the house, H could clearly see the wave of nervousness rush over her.

“Hey, it’s ok m’love, we’re in this together okay, ima gonna be right with you” he says leaning over the handbrake to press a kiss to the girls lips.

Without a reply, the girl nods and they both exit the car and hand in hand walked to the door.

Within 5 seconds of the door bell being rung, it’s slung open revealing a smiley, beautiful Anne who instantly invited you both in to her home.

“Oh y/n darling, your much prettier in person, how are you?” She beams pulling the girl into a comforting hug.

“ thank you, thank you so much” she smiles reciprocating the hug and already feeling at ease.

“Thanks for the love mum” he sardonically replied.

“oh come here my darling” she laughs after pulling her son into a hug.

“Please come on through and take a seat” she said leading the couple down a hallway, whilst walking y/n took a second to appreciate the decor and details that surrounded the house, the walls were a dark evergreen, with details of gold and rose gold, as she entered the living room it instantly gave cosy, homey vibes, fairy lights strung over the Tv, candles sat on the coffee tables and mantle pieces, and a basket that sat in the corner full of fluffy and fuzzy blankets, the girl instantly fell at ease and comfort at this home.

After a while of catching up and laughs the couple slowly fall tired, H recommends that he grabs the remaining bags from the car.

“Want me to help H” she asks raising to her feet.

“No it’s fine I’ve got it, all your night stuff is already in the guest room, so feel free to get ready in there love”

“Let me show you it” he smiles, wrapping his arm around her waist and guiding her to the staircase.

Y/n didn’t realise how well H knew her until she looked at the stuff he put in her night bag, her favourite pjs, fluffy socks, all the skincare she uses before bed, it made her heart burst at how much he noticed this stuff.

Whilst finalising her self, once she was comfy she was about to head back down stairs to help Anne with cleaning up after dinner when she heard something that made her stop in her tracks.

“I think she’s perfect for you Harry” Anne gushes

“She’s well mannered, caring, sweet and has a lot of love for you darling, you can tell by the way she looks at you” no need to see her but you can hear the smile on her face

“She’s definitely the 1 mum” H adds

“Couldn’t imagine not being with her, don’t deserve it”

Y/n felt bad for eavesdropping but, once again it made her heart melt, she could almost reassure she was just a puddle at this point.

She wanted to make sure they were both in different rooms before walking back downstairs, just to allow H to have sometime with his mum and once she was sure they had quietened down she walked down the stairs and went back to the living room, where she found H with his eyes glued to the Tv that showing a random 90s romcom.

“Y’ok pretty boy” she asks plopping herself beside him.

And with that his focus was tranced to her, he instantly laid his head onto her shoulder, knowing she wouldn’t be as cuddly or handsy infront of his mum.

“ fancy lunch by the river tomorrow? Me, you and mum?” He asks closing his eyes in a sleepy manner

“Sounds perfect” she says running a hand through his tousled hair.

“Really love this house, has such a cosy vibe” she adds eyes scanning other details she missed.

“Thank you love, was the vibe I was going for” Anne says walking in to the room and placing down a hot drink down for you and sitting in the sofa opposite you and the coffee table.

As the night was coming to a close, the couple say goodnight Anne, and make it into there room for the next 2 days.

“If y’need anything in the night love, just go get it, this place is y’secound home now” he smirks.

“Ill take that with honour, love it here”

“Told ya it would be fine didn’t I, she loves you” he says kissing her forehead.

“I love her back, she’s amazing” the girls adds crawling into the sheets and getting comfortable

With H switching the lights, he does the same and joins her.

“Love you dove” he says turning to his side to throw an arm around her waist and kiss her hair

“Love you H” she says dissolving in his arms and with that all sinking feeling in her stomach stopped and she felt at home and at comfort.

<3

———

[quependeja]

.

[fallingfor-fics]

What We Were- Chapter 6: By far

A Beth and Rio fan fiction, Wattpad: fallingforfics

not my gif

Chapter 5

Warnings: NSFW

Rio POV

I got what she was tryna tell me and I mean in that dress there ain't no way I would be able to say no. I looked her up and down and landed my eyes on her boobs which I know she definitely saw because she smiled slightly and looked away blushing. Damn she's so adorable. I tried to make sure I wasn't giving her any heart eyes and I composed my self and cleared my throat.

"We should uh probably head out don't want Dean worried" I made sure to say while looking at her with my sexiest look I mean it's not hard tho look at me. I saw her cringe at the mention of his name. "Ex husband. Well soon to be we are kinda on the rocks" At this point we had got up I had payed and we were walking towards the door. "Dang that must suck, listen ima walk you to your car because it's late and can't have anything happening to my best runner" she laughed at that and it made a feeling go through me something weird I didn't know what to call it. It was the middle of my chest and I was a jolt of nerves kind of feeling. It wasn't nervousness I know what that is that the feeling you get when you have to give a speech to a bunch of people. This was different it was pleasant. I shook my head and put my hand in her lower back which she tended up a bit at first but then relaxed into it.

Beth POV My anxiety was leaking as we got closer to my car I was so eager and hungry for him I couldn't control it. We got to my car and we stopped and just stared in each other's eyes. He took his hand and brushed my hair away from his face and I knew it was gonna happen the start of every good thing was when he did that damn hair thing. It's like I could just melt through the earth and float in space with this feeling. He bent down and got closer. And closer. And closer to my lips and I wanted him to hurry and do it. I was leaving and I could feel his breath and temperatures were rising.

Rio POV

I really wanted to kiss her but I knew it wasn't a good idea before hand the other two times was ok I didn't think she would be able to tell I felt the same way she does but if I kiss her right now she most certainly will I have to make the right decision for the sake of the business and it had to be fast.

Beth POV

Instead of kissing me he roughly turned his head and started kissing my neck. It caught me off guard for sure but oh god I wasn't complaining. He continued to kid up my neck and then moved on the other side pressing me hard up against the car door(luckily it was late and I parked in the back parking lot) he was sucking and biting so hard on my neck and it cause me to let out a few moans which he just chuckled at then kept going. He then slid his hand up my dress and along my thigh real slow knowing damn well what it did to me. He kept leaving marks on my neck and I was so overwhelmed with pleasure I didn't think to stop. He squeezed my thigh causing me to moan louder than before " ohh my gosh" he stopped for a sec to smile then he was about to pick me up and fuck me in the side of the car but I had a better idea. I opened the door to the backseat which thankfully I had the car seats out of because they were in deans car. And I leaved back on the seat and he climbed in and hovered over me.

Rio POV

I figured now I was overwhelming her with so much pleasure that it would be fine for me to kiss her. So I did.

Beth POV

Then he leaned down and kissed me. So so good to. He was soft then rough he bit my lip asking for entrance and I opened my mouth allowing him to slide his tongue into my mouth and continue to very heatedly make out with me. Which caused me to start moaning so he would for sure know I wanted him in me right now. And he did to I could feel his hard member pressing against my thigh. I reached down and started to rub it causing him to moan this time. "Oh-h fuck" he said looking down at my action surprised he then very quickly undid his belt and then slid off my panties he lifted my dress up and grazed his fingers along my folds and clit causing me to moan a bit. "Mmm" he smiled and continued. Pushing one finger in me very quickly and then two in me and used his thumb to rub my clit. I started unraveling and was a moaning mess. "Oh fuck ooohhh god mmm yeah keep going" he stopped only for me to then feel his whole hard cock thrust into me. Feeling so overwhelmed with pleasure I let out a loud moan which made him smile. He then waited and started to thrust into me slowly. "oH god holy shit, mmm oh yeah please fuck me omg" he kept thrusting slowly and I had had enough I pulled him out and flipped over so I was on him I set myself down on his dick and start riding like no tomorrow "oh fuck mm shit fuck oh yeah mmmm" he moaned loudly. He then pulled me to him and started kissing me again then my neck me still riding him I could feel myself getting closer so I started going faster and I could tell he was too he really knows how to please a woman because he then started to rub my clit fast and started thrust so fast and hard into me I could feel my walls getting tighter and tighter. "Oh fuck of god I'm gonna cum I'm gonna cum of god oh god" I screamed "oh shit fuck mm you go ahead cmon cum cum all over my dick mmm fuck" I got closer and closer and he thrusted harder and faster I thought my legs would fall off and then it happened the best orgasm ever. "OH GOD mmm oh my god of fuck holy shut mmmm" I yelled but kept going so he could finish I kept riding his dick then got off causing him to wine but then immediately put his hard throbbing cock in my mouth and started sucking bobbing my head up and down. " oh fuck fuck oh shit I'm gonna cum ohhh yeahh keep going cmon I'm gonna cum" I kept going til I felt him cum in my mouth and swallowed it we both then sat breathless trying to steady our breathing sweat dripping from us.

"That's gotta be the best time we've had" I said looking at him "By far"

[confusedweasleys]

Elemental Desire (Part Two) - Stiles Stilinski x Reader

A/N: Ima back again for #quarantine! Yay. So yes I wrote this because people seemed to really like this story (I had people asking to put me on a taglist holy fuck!) Anyways this is for you guys? Also (spoiler) vote on who it should be at the end! LOVE you kiddos! (Also, sorry for the short chapter, kinda filler).

Request: @sry-stlinski

Triggers: the usual shit

Word Count: 1,011———————————————————————————————————

          Surprisingly, it wasn't the cold that woke me up, or the pain. It was the smell - the god-awful invasive smell of gasoline mixed with Redbull and hot cheetos. Well fuck me. There's really only one place that exudes that particular medley - Roscoe. I tried not to groan aloud - I wasn't ready to talk to Stiles if he was in the car - as I remembered the events of the pervious night. How the fuck did he even find me? Wait-wait...Am I wearing any clothes? I disregarded my previous concern and quickly lifted up the blankets to find that I was still wearing my jeans - Thank god. Unfortunately, I was wearing a faded red Star Wars shirt, which I new for a fact belonged to Stiles. Well fuck. Before I had much time to process that fact, I heard footsteps form outside the Jeep, followed by the creaky opening and closing of the door.

"Y/N?" I willed myself not to move, though I knew I was delaying the inevitable. I couldn't stay asleep for forever. "Y/N, I know you're awake." Nope. Not gonna move. Stiles signed and hopped into the back. "Y/N. Y/N. Y/N." He poked me in the side. "Y/NY/NY/NY/NY/NY/N-"

"Fucks sake Stiles!" I said sitting up and slapping his hand away.

"Still not a morning person," he said, smiling happily.

"Not when I get woken up by assault," I grumbled, pressing one of the pillows that was in the in the back into my face. I am so not ready for this conversation. Maybe he won't mention it...?

"You jumped out of my car last night and ran into a fucking hurricane." Ok scratch that. Maybe play dumb?

"Excuse me?" I said shakily. I looked out from under the pillow, laughing at him. "I think I fell asleep in your car on the way home. By the way, did you call my mom?" I asked, vainly trying to change the subject.

"Yes, I called Momma Y/L/N," Stiles said. "But last night-"

"Thank god you said something, you know how she gets when-"

"Y/N. Stop trying to change the subject."

"I'm not trying to change the sub-"

"Y/N! I found you passed out, covered in bruises, blood, snow, in the middle of a fucking hurricane. Something is going on, and you need to tell me. If you're in danger..." As if he cares.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I said, annoyed. The voice was already back, after it caused me to have an elemental meltdown in the woods.

"What?" Stiles said, looking hurt.

"No, Stiles, not you. It's just - I just." I stumbled, at a loss for words. "I don't know how to explain it." Suddenly, everything just felt like too much. I felt hot tears well up in the corners of my eyes, and I quickly tried blinking them away. Tears were not the way to convince Stiles that everything was fine.

"Hey, Y/N don't cry. Whatever it is you can trust me I promise." He hugged me and wiped away my tears. "We've dealt with werewolves and creepy snake-lizards and fox spirits and literally every supernatural creature ever. Whatever it is, we can handle it." Well I guess he made the connection that it was something supernatural. Yippee. I think the magical hurricane might have been the tipping point. Oops.

"But Stiles I don't know- and it's not just me there's other things-" And then his phone went off. Which wouldn't have been a big deal, except for the phone was lying right in front of me, and the contact name clearly read Lydia Martin. And that was all the little evil voice in my head needed to really get going. See? He doesn't care about you enough to listen to you for one minute. Thank god Lydia was calling to interrupt you. She saved him. She really is everything to him. And you are nothing. Nothing.

"Can you shut up for one damn minute?" I whispered, feeling tears pool up in my eyes again. This was exhausting. The voice began to chant a mantra in my head, over and over again: Worthless. Insignificant. Least-loved. Easily forgotten.

I saw Stiles through the tears, saying something to me, a concerned look in his eyes. That was when I felt the wind. It was light, light enough that you wouldn't think twice about it. But I knew what it meant. It meant that I had to get out of there. I climbed into the front seat, easily slipping away from Stiles as he tried to pull me into the back. I was tired of running from him but I had to. I didn't know how to control this fucking thing. I was going to hurt him.

"Y/N. Y/N!" I heard Stiles shout my name as I burst out of Roscoe, blinking in the morning sunlight. Then I ran again. The voice continued to chant in my head. Worthless. Insignificant. Useless. I tried to block it out as I sprinted down a crooked alleyway, making rights and lefts to get far from Stiles. I felt the familiar weight rising in my chest. No. No. I need control.

"I need control." I said, stopping my running and planting my feet. "I need CONTROL!" I yelled, closing my eyes and throwing my hands out as if to protect me from the voice. Worthless. Insignificant. "STOP!" I screamed, feeling the weight tear from my chest again. It felt like pure energy had just left my body, banishing the voice from my head. I collapsed to the floor as a wave of exhaustion hit me. I opened my eyes to see the alleyway slightly destroyed. Water from burst pipes covered the group. Trashcans everywhere were overturned spilling our garbage. Dirt had been flung everywhere from the few planters scattered in the alley. Oh, and someone's car was on fire. What the fuck is happening to me?

A voice jolted me up from the group. "What the fuck Y/N?"

———————————————————————————————————

Taglist: @rogue-of-sound, @deansbbysblog

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 82

[Date: 16/03, 08.05 PM GMT - 16/03, 08.23 PM GMT]

CONTENT WARNING: Mild body horror

[Direct continuation of pt 81]

Maxwell: “god im gonna have to take the towel of my head arent i....”

Jack the Observer: “do it”

fetch: “God can everybody shut up and quit making the panic worse you're scaring him”

Little-K1ng: “fetch, check his head for me? i cant see right now”

kateza: “max, no one is going to be angry at you, ok?”

fetch: “yeah lemme chexk”

Maxwell: “...okay...”

fetch: “yeah lemme see here

...

guys

oh my god guys

you fucking idiots

you scared him over nothing.

those "metallic buds" were literally just tangled locks of hair.”

Little-K1ng: “oh my goD haahha,, ow,, thats kind of hilarious”

Maxwell: “fetch.....”

fetch: “ohhh my fucking god

max its okay”

Jack the Observer: “i don't believe you.”

Maxwell: “no...”

fetch: “its nothing, you're fine”

Maxwell: “I'm not i know what i saw--”

Little-K1ng: “here, max. your hair is kinda straggly, when im feeling better, do you want me to help you style it a little? i dont know how you prefer your hair”

fetch: “max, trust me. the reason it hurts so much is because your hair is matting and its pulling on your scalp”

Jack the Observer: “no no no no no no n on ononono”

Maxwell: “fetch the light was glinted off it”

fetch: “your hairs been greasy, plus you got it wet in the shower”

Maxwell: “But theyre right there

I CAN FEEL THEM”

fetch: “yeah, you can feel your matted tangled hair”

Little-K1ng: “im gonna go put on some coffee,, if yall can stop yelling please”

fetch: “i promise you're fine. i had to deal with mats for a while, this is exactly what mine looked like”

Maxwell: “then mona would be able to see it

no fetch you have to look

behind my ears”

fetch: “I am looking.”

Little-K1ng: “ill help untangle it later when i feel better and the migraine stops sending shooting pains through my eyes, but it could be that max is just frightened from what he saw”

fetch: “and what I see is matted hair”

Little-K1ng: “can someone else help me measure these coffee grounds i cant see it properly :((”

Maxwell: “matted hair isnt gold”

fetch: “max, buddy. you've been having headaches and haven't been sleeping well, and the whole situation with the trial scared you. you're probably just seeing things.”

Maxwell: “i.....i know im not

THE PEOPLE AT MY SCHOOL SAW THEM”

kateza: “i mean we definitely shouldn't just be brushing him off”

fetch: “max, c'mon. it's fine”

Little-K1ng: “arent kids at your school like super mean”

[fetch: “max, c'mon. it's fine”]

Jack the Observer: “you're starting to sound like knight.”

kateza: “i believe max”

Maxwell: “they kept saying all day my hair was puffing out and right before I left one of my friends said it looked like I had something shiny in my hair”

kateza: “is there any way you can get like... a picture of them?”

Maxwell: “i-i can draw them”

Jack the Observer: “that would be lovely”

Raeva: “Did you touch them Max? Because you can't touch halucinations”

[Jack the Observer: “you're starting to sound like knight.”]

fetch: “don't you fucking dare compare me to him.”

Maxwell: “YES I CAN FEEL THEM”

kateza: “So they're something tangible”

Little-K1ng: “hey hey hey hey hey pleas e stop ye ll in g”

Maxwell: “here one momen t ima draw it”

Raeva: “Then he's telling the truth!”

fetch: “you're all just scaring everybody and making everything worse”

Maxwell: “crap sorry sorry sorry i didnt mean to yell please dont be mad”

fetch: “not mad at you, buddy”

Maxwell: “here here here”

fetch: “im just trying to get everyone to calm down”

Maxwell: “like little rose buds”

fetch: “yeah, dude, its matted hair. what you think are little leaves are just tangled bits”

Little-K1ng: “i dont have enough brain power to dedicate to it if fetch says its fine, but max? its alright that you're scared. im not telling you theres nothing there, im telling you to take care of yourself and understand that i am proud that you took the towel off to show us”

Maxwell: “i...thank you but please....why cant you all see it”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt look”

Little-K1ng: “i can feel the back of your head, but it just feels like some little hard chunks of something. it couldbe hair, it couldbe metal, but my senses are massively overloaded and i cant tell the difference”

Maxwell: “okay okay uh do you have a brush?”

Little-K1ng: “...i keep my hair short

kateza: “Mona's not feeling well so it's probably not a good idea to have her check”

fetch: “guys I can tell you that max is fine. nothing is wrong and all you're doing is scaring him so please just stop it so we can help untangle his hair

Jack the Observer: “no.”

Maxwell: “.....”

Jack the Observer: “please consider that you may be in the wrong.

please consider that you may be in the wrong.”

Little-K1ng: “jack, have you considered that maybe you'rejust as scared as max is? i didnt really meet syd, but i know you two were close”

Jack the Observer: “yeah, i am fucking scared. we've lost people to this shit before. it is better that Max is scared than that he gets taken."

fetch: “for fucks sake”

Jack the Observer: “it is better to be fucking safe than sorry. If anything, Crown's taught us that we can't trust ourselves.”

fetch: “we aren't going to fucking lose him

quit catastrophizing”

[Jack the Observer: “yeah, i am fucking scared. we've lost people to this shit before. it is better that Max is scared than that he gets taken."]

Little-K1ng: “correction, in this specific case. you've lost people to specifically this circumstance. it makes sense you would be scared for him, and i understand your struggle here. but i think we should calm down first”

Jack the Observer: “yeah, we won't if you fucking trust him about his own pain??”

kateza: “Would you rather not do anything and find out one morning that Max is gone? Or would you rather believe him, find out that nothing is actually wrong, and then move along?”

fetch: “FOR FUCKS SAKE JIST DROP IT.”

kateza: “... fine.”

Maxwell: “AH”

[Little-K1ng: “correction, in this specific case. you've lost people to specifically this circumstance. it makes sense you would be scared for him, and i understand your struggle here. but i think we should calm down first”]

Jack the Observer: “we. have. all. lost. people. to. this. you have lost Fetch twice.”

Little-K1ng: “please dont yell, fetch, fuckjing o w”

fetch: “EVERYTHING IS FINE YOU ALL ARE PANICKING OVER NOTHING”

kateza: “Sure, whatever. Don't blame us when Max is gone and Page is back.”

Little-K1ng: “fetch please”

Jack the Observer: “yeah, next you're going to tell us that we're "barking too loudly"”

Renboo: “fetch calm down everyones just worried”

Grimm: “Jack,,”

Jack the Observer: “...”

fetch: “fine. you wanna keep scaring the shit out of everybody over some tangled fucking hair, fine. i need to check outside anyway”

Raeva: “istg You don't just touch hallucinations but fine have it your way sorry Max we tried”

[kateza: “Sure, whatever. Don't blame us when Max is gone and Page is back.”]

Maxwell: “......

fetch wait...”

Little-K1ng: “fetch...?”

kateza: “i don't want you to get snatched again, max.”

dreaming: “fuck.. we shouldn't have be so aggressive, i just wanted fetcg to believe max..”

Marcus: “Why are you all yelling”

dreaming: “uh..”

Little-K1ng: “oh, hi Marcus”

dreaming: “who's gonna explain”

Maxwell: “....hi....”

Little-K1ng: “i thought you were sleeping, guess fetch woke you up”

Marcus: “When did I fall asleep what the hell I was just making breakfast”

Renboo: “fighting really doesnt ever get us anywhere-..”

kateza: “hi marcus, max found buds growing out of his head”

Maxwell: “.....”

[kateza: “hi marcus, max found buds growing out of his head”]

Marcus: “Really blunt today huh?”

Jack the Observer: “fetch is being. stubborn. and max is being honest for once only to immediately get yelled at. kinda frustrated about that.”

Marcus: “Don’t you think”

kateza: “We can't just dance around this”

Marcus: “Maybe max wanted a chance to tell me information

About his own wellbeing”

Little-K1ng: “yeah... i was gonna say”

Marcus: “Fetch just stormed out

Monas not feeling well

you’re all yelling

About someone’s personal information”

kateza: “...

sorry”

Marcus: “Mona go lay down”

kateza: “I'll just

go”

Marcus: “I got Max it’s okay”

Maxwell: “marcus....its fine...i would have had a hard time explaining anyway”

Little-K1ng: “((peace sign))”

[jimins-melaninfilter]

🔥 PINK PANTHER 🔥

** SMUT WARNING **

After a long busy day at work Y/N just finished up the last bit of paper work for her annoying boss Mr.Scott .

Y/N : Ughh finally now he can get off my back about this damn work .

Y/N gets ups from her desk with a pile of papers and heads to her boss office

Y/N : *knocks on Mr.Scott office door * Hello Mr.Scott I’m finally done with everything you asked me to

𝗱𝗼

here you go .

Mr.Scott : Ahh yes thank you Y/N you know you’re my best worker in the office you’re really amazing you worked really hard go enjoy your weekend

Y/N : Thank you Mr.Scott I really appreciate that I will you enjoy yours as well

Y/n turns around and rolls her eyes while walking out Mr.Scotts office closing the door

Y/N : * starts mimicking Mr.Scott * Blah Blah anyways * Y/N cell phone starts ringing it’s her bestfriend Michelle *

Y/N : Hello

Michelle : Hey girl you off yet or you still being a lap dog for Mr.

𝗪

cott

Y/N : * starts laughing * I’m getting my stuff and leaving now and it’s Mr.Scott your crazy ass

Michelle : Girl you tryna

𝗴𝗼

hang and do something tonight

Y/N : And whats that ?

Michelle : GO TO THE PINK PANTHER BITCH DUH !!

Y/N : ahh I’m to tired I’ll see plus I don’t have nothing to wear

Michelle : Girl you say that boring ass excuse every weekend I’ll be to your house in about 15 mins so hurry up take a shower we are going to find you something to wear !

•

Clicks the phone hangs up *

Y/N : Hello ? Hello ? Ughh Crazy bitch Fine !!

•

Time skip to Y/Ns House *

Y/N : ughh my nice comfortable bed I should really get my ass up and get in the shower because 15 minutes for Michelle means 5 for me the girl drive like a bat out of hell

•

shower time *

Y/N : now I feel a lot better

•

knocking at door *

Y/N : nobody but Michelle * walking towards front door * Comingg

Michelle : Why you not dressed yet girl did you lay down first

Y/N : yes you know me to well , just sit right here and I’ll be ready in 5 mins

Michelle: yea sure grandma Daisy

Y/N : I am not a grandma shut up

Michelle : Hm whatever anyways whatchu got to eat in here * checks cabinets and fridge * just absolutely nothing that’s great girl you need to be in jail cause you aint got shit to eat what the hell you be doing ? starving your damn self ?

Y/N : No I don’t starve myself dumb ass I cook when I feel like it

Michelle: Ugh girl anyway

Y/N : I’m ready let’s go

Michelle: Finally lets go Miss Daisy so we can hurry up and find you something sexy

•

Time skip to the mall •

Michelle: oohh lets go in Agaci they got some cute ass clothes

Y/N : yess thats my favorite store lets hurry so we can go to the food court

Michelle: yea I bet you are hungry cause you aint got shit to eat in that house but crumbs and dust

Y/N : Girl shut up, I do got food it’s just i haven’t cooked it yet , but you wouldn’t know about that since all you do is burn ramen

Michelle: get out my business

•

both girls started laughing •

Michelle : Ouuu girl that rose gold dress is sexy as fuck hold it so you can try it on and this and this and this

Y/N : ok girl damn

Michelle : Oops Sorry

•

both girls start laughing •

Y/N : * stomach starts growling * Uhh * giggles * let’s just try these 5 dresses on

Michelle : Excuse me maam don’t be so rude umm , excuse me do you have any dressing rooms open ?

Store clerk: yes right this way

Y/N : thank you

Michelle : here call me if you need help

Y/N : Will do

•

Starts trying on clothes *

Y/N : ouu this fits nice but I really don’t like it

•

Next dress •

Y/N : Nope hate it

•

next dress •

Y/N : now this is the dress this is damn perfect ! And I have the perfect heels for it

•

Y/N picks the short skintight spaghetti straps that crosses in the back draw string on one side Rose Gold Dress

•

•

Y/N : Now let’s take this off so I won’t mess it up

•

Gets dress and exit dressing room •

Michelle : took you long enough and I’m shocked you didn’t call me

Y/N : I was fine anyway let’s go check out I’m starving

Michelle: Yea lets do that

•

leaving the store •

Y/N : So what are you wearing at the Pink Panther

Michelle: ouu girl I got this nice ass red dress with some cute ass black heels and my makeup is going to be hitting its going to be a sight for the boys

Y/N : ayeeee yess maam we definitely gonna bring life to the party I can’t wait can you do my makeup too ?

Michelle: you know I gotchu girl cause you need a man in your life all you do is work and go home do you even talk to niggas , no sneaky links , like damn you need to get back out there bestfriend you need to get them cheeks clapped for god sakes not a fuck buddy in sight just you and your damn cat

Y/N : Uhh you in my business , dont do that * starts laughing * anyways when I find someone again then I will right now I’m just chilling and leave my damn cat alone

Michelle: girl all I’m just saying is that that just chilling mess waits for nobody next thing you know yo ass just chilling in your damn rocking chair patting that damn cat and watching Golden Girls

Y/N : Aye bitch now wait cause aint nothing wrong with Golden Girls !

Michelle: I know it ain’t cause I watch a couple episodes here and there

•

Both girls start laughing again •

•

while walking to the food court Y/N kept hearing this laugh from somebody a happy cute laugh so she looked and she saw these 3 boys sitting at a table chatting and laughing

•

one of the boys caught her eye but she didn’t want to stare and make it obvious so she kept walking once Y/N and Michelle got their food they finally sat down and ate

Michelle: bitch this food was life a lady was hungry I don’t think I can get my ass up

Y/N : * laughing * you so damn extra this food was hitting but we do need to get up before we be sleeping at the damn mall cause they are about to close girl lets go .

•

time skip back to y/n house •

Michelle : Wheew bitch Ima take a nap before we start getting ready

Y/N : you know that don’t sound too bad I am a lil beat girl

Michelle : * snoring sounds *

Y/N : Ugh she get on my damn nerves

•

while Michelle was sleeping Y/N started to doze off as well but she couldn’t help to think about what Michelle was saying in the mall telling y/n to get back out there and have fun . Previously Y/N had bad luck with relationships and guys although her last fling wasn’t but 4 months ago so it wasn’t that long ago since she had sex or anything •

•

Alarm starts going off @10 pm •

Michelle: Ok bitch wake up lets get fine cut some music on lets go

Y/N : ouu you heard that new Megan

•

starts playing Megan the Stallion •

•

Time Skip to wear Y/N is putting on her dress and heels both girls are done getting ready •

Michelle: Ouuuu bitch now you know you know damn you aint got no business being this fine and I’m serious girl you look good

😌

Y/N : you see me bitch

😜

Bitch that red dress is cute as fuck omg we did a bomb ass job with everything we need to take pictures !

Michelle: a wise man once said A Beat Face starts a Case , Free The Titty Protect The City

Y/N : * starts laughing * Girl who the hell told you that crazy ass shit anyways lets go

•

Club time

😎

Purpleish Pink lights , Loud music playing and people everywhere •

Michelle: Girl this shit is hitting lets go get a drink and a booth

Y/N : Yes I need a good drink

•

while at the bar Y/N heard the same laugh from the mall earlier and thought is this the same guy Y/N turns around and sees a group of guys the same 3 dudes from the mall they just added 4 more

•

dudes to the group and she sees the same cute guy and they met eye to eye a cute , bunny smile bright eyed guy who was wearing some black pants , black shirt , black leather jacket and and some black shoes Y/N was staring so hard the guy winked at Y/N

Y/N : Girl dont look too fast but its 7 fine ass boys behind us and I caught one their attention and he winked at me

Michelle: omg bitch where

Y/N : behind us !

Michelle : do one of them got on all black

Y/N : yea and he got a cute bunny smile

Michelle: yea

Y/N : yes bitch thats them

Michelle: ouu girl they walking over here

Y/N : well bitch quick turnaround so staring

Michelle: okokok just act normal

•

the 7 boys walked to the bar where Y/N and Michelle were bunny guy leading the pack and approached Y/N

? : Excuse me maam I couldn’t help but to see you looking I think I saw you at the mall earlier

Y/N : uhh yea sorry I didn’t mean to stare , I think I saw you too

? : No its ok I dont mind I was staring back myself

Y/N : Ohh * starts laughing and playing with her hair *

? : I’m sorry I’m Jungkook and these are my friends Tae , Jimin , Hobi , Namjoon , Yoongi and Jin

Y/N : Well hello nice to meet you all I’m Y/N and this is my bestfriend Michelle

Michelle: Hey yall wassup nice to meet you all

•

Michelle and Tae had been blushing and smiling at each other for a while until Tae came and sat by Michelle at the bar •

Tae : can I buy you a drink or something

Michelle : Sure that would be nice thank you

Namjoon : Jungkook you should invite her over to our booth to sit and chill

Jin : Yea go back to our booth before it gets taken , Hobi do you want to dance I made some new dance moves

Hobi : Shit wassup I’m down

Jimin : I’m coming to watch you make a fool of yourself so I can laugh

Namjoon : Yea I think I’ll go to , Tae you coming? Tae , Tae

•

Tae wasn’t paying attention to anyone but Michelle they were flirting at the bar •

Tae : Huh ? No go ahead

Namjoon : * shakes his head * whatever , Yoongi ?

Yoongi : Yea I’m coming to watch ans make sure Jin doesn’t hurt his self you know how he is

Namjoon: Yea you do have a point

•

Y/N and Jungkook began laughing at Namjoon and then Jungkook turned to you and asked •

Jungkook: Do you want to come sit with me at the booth and we can get to know each other

Y/N : Yea let me let Michelle know

•

Y/N looks to the side and see that Michelle and Tae are too focused on each other that they not even paying attention so Y/N taps Michelle on the shoulder and says •

Y/N : sorry to interrupt but I’m going to go sit with Jungkook at the booth maybe y’all need to go sit and mingle in private to so y’all can get away from the bar

Tae : * looks at Michelle * how would you like to go sit at booth by ourselves * Smirking licking his lips with his glossy eyes *

[hismissharley13]

Fallout

The morning after the night before.

I had woken early, nestled in Tig’s arms.  One of his hands was cradling my head, the other I was half using as a pillow, half draped down my back.  I jumped in panic before the events flooded back.  My face burned with shame as I realised what I’d done was no better than Jax.  My stirring had disturbed Tig, his arms drawing me close to him as he nuzzled into me, breathing in deeply as he did so.  His lips found mine and I couldn’t help but reciprocate.  To hell with Jackson Teller.  Tig’s morning wood pressed into my hip as his mouth explored my jaw and neck.  I hummed as he licked a wet stripe up my neck, re-igniting the fire in my belly and pushing all thoughts but one from my mind.

I’d gotten showered and accepted one of Tig’s t-shirts gratefully, knotting the long hem at my waist and slipping my skirt and panties back on.  I had spare clothes in Jax’s room but was I hell going in there.  Tig had crashed out on the bed again after our morning tryst and I needed coffee.

Jax shuffled into the kitchen a short while after me, rubbing sleep from his eyes, “Hey princess”

“Hmm?” I grunted, non-committal.

“Who’s shirt are you wearing,” he demanded, suddenly more awake.

“What’s it to you?” I refused to turn around and look at him.  He made me sick.

“What’s it to me?  You’re my Old Lady, and here you are in someone else’s clothes?”

I let out a hollow laugh, Old Lady indeed.  Sure didn’t mean that much to him when he was screwing that skank.  He grabbed my arm and spun me to face him, the coffee cup in my hand flying to the floor,

“Well, shit,”

“You haven’t answered my question,”

“So what, Jax?  I’m not going to either.  You know, I don’t think I ever hated anyone before I met you,“

“Where the fuck were you all damn night?”

“Why do you even care?”

“Goddamnit Kat! Tell me!” He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

“Goddamnit Jax! Go to Hell!” I mocked his voice.  Childish maybe, but he gave up and stalked back to his room.

I flew back to Tig’s room on tiptoe, swift and silent so as to not be noticed.  Tig was sat up, hair sticking out at all angles and the sheets pooled at his waist “Morning doll,” he mumbled sleepily, running a hand through his wild curls

“Hey Tiggy,” I rasped, the crying had left my throat pretty damn raw.  I wriggled out of his arms and scrambled for my clothes.  Tig looked up, curious to see what I was doing,

“You ok cupcake? Kat...Kat!” the forceful tone made me bot upright, dashing the wet tracks from my cheeks.  Tig sat up fully and tugged me back onto the bed.  I wilted into his waiting arms, folding my own consciously over my body.  I felt the heat radiating from his chest as he placed his arms over mine, “C’mon sweetheart, talk to me,”

“I-uh...shit, Tig, what the hell did we do last night?  What was I playing at-I’m sorry,” I dropped my head into my hands, despairing at my crappy judgement.

“Hey, you were upset, pissed off, hurting.  The last thing you need to do is apologise baby.  If you wanna forget about it, it’s your call.  I ain’t gonna think any less of you for it,”

“I’m not just some sweetbutt, moving on from one reaper to another like it’s nothing,” I glanced up at him, terrified of what was going to happen now.  Tig’s lip curled,

“Baby, you’re the furthest thing from a crow-eater!” he assured me, a hint of amusement on his face as he tipped my head towards him with a gentle hand, “I’ve never hit twice on the run with a crow,” sincerity evident in his gaze.

A small giggle bubbled up in my chest at his confession.  The slight smile on his lips widened into a toothy grin,

“That’s a great sound,” he twisted a damp strand of my hair between his finger and thumb, tucking it behind my ear, “granted, not as good as hearing your moans last night and this morning,” I gasped and smacked my hand against his chest.  Tig just wiggled an eyebrow at me as I laughed again.

---

Jax cornered me in the office later that afternoon,

“Hows about you gimme some answers Kat?”

“Hows about I keep who I’m screwing to myself just like you did?”

“You’re being ridiculous“

”Yeah, well, Tig didn’t seem to think so...” Silence fell, my eyes widened as I realised what I’d just done.  Jax straightened up and ran his tongue over his teeth, nodding slightly to himself as he started to turn for the door.

“Jax I-” my outstretched hand fell as his pale blue eyes burned a hole straight through me.  He spun on his heel and slammed the door behind him with enough force that the window rattled in it’s frame.  I dashed over to the window overlooking the garage where Tig was working on his Dyna, my stomach twisting horribly.  I couldn’t hear Jax’s low words at first, their discussion increased in volume by the time I had pulled the door open.

“Seriously brother?  My own Old Lady! I can’t believe you betrayed me like that,”

“I betrayed YOU?  I’m not the one who was too busy riding some 2 dollar hooker before coming to see his own fuckin’ girl, Jackson!  C’mon! What was I supposed to do huh? Leave her cryin’ in the damn gutter?”

“You were supposed to stay the fuck outta my business!” Jax roared and swung a fist towards Tig’s head.  I cried out, hoping Tig would dodge but he didn’t.  He stood there and let Jax hit him, holding a hand up before he could take another swing,

“That one you get for free, Jax.  You’re my VP, my brother and I love you, but what you did last night?  That was wrong and you know it,”

“Did you fuck her?” he spat,

“Excuse me?” Tig’s eyebrows shot up,

“I asked you if you screwed my Old Lady,”

Tig’s mouth curled into a sneer, he stepped towards Jax until they were nose to nose and cocked his head to the side,

“Why, scared she’d like me better?” Jax twitched almost imperceptibly and I took my cue.  I threw myself at them both, shoving with all my might to separate them.  I think it was more suprise than anything else that moved them back.  Insering myself between them both, I held my arms out to distance the pair,

“Stop it, just fucking stop it now,” I shrieked, their eyes locked like dogs in a ring.  Jax made to swipe me aside, Tig practically growled and tried to pull me behind him.  I screeched in frustration, grabbing fistfuls of Tig’s work shirt and Jax’s cut.

“I swear to God I am not a fucking toy for you both to fight over!” My eyes were wild as I whipped my gaze from one man to another.  I felt Jax wrench from my grip as he was pulled away by Opie.  My knees turned to jelly as the adrenaline coursing through me subsided.  Tig dropped next to me and embraced my trembling form,

“Kat, I’m sorry baby, I got you,” he kissed the top of my head softly,

“Tiggy, what the fuck is goin’ on eh?” Chibs crouched down next to our bundle on the floor.  Tig rose to his feet and dragged me up to mine.  I nodded that I was in control again and ducked my head, walking back to the office.  Last thing I wanted was a reminder of my own infidelity, never mind Jax’s.

“So Kat stayed with me last night after walking in on Jax and Ima,”

“Ah shite, ye’ve gotta be kiddin’ me,”

“Yeah, I wish, brother,”

The door clicked shut behind me and I rested my head back against it.  I needed a damn drink.  I exited the office through the other door and headed over to the club house.  Bobby was at the bar going over some paperwork.  He looked up at me with a smile,

“Bobby, if anyone asks, you aint seen me or this bottle of ‘quila.” I told him, dragging the bottle from the shelf and walking over to the corridor.  Iuncorked the bottle with my teeth and spat it on the floor.  I stared and pointed at JT’s bike accusingly,

“Have a fucking word with your son, JT.  He’s a damn asshole,”

I climbed the ladder to the roof and tucked myself away in a corner to drown my sorrows.  About halfway down the bottle the world was getting fuzzy round the edges.  A couple more slugs and my eyes closed.

***

I was shaken roughly, roused rudely from my slumber.  As I opened one eye (two was way too painful), a sharp sting burned my cheek.  I gasped, noting somewhere in the back of my still fuzzy mind that the sky was dark

“Kat! Kat! Thank fuck, I’ve been searching all over for you,” relief flooded Jax’s voice.  Jax...I didn’t like Jax...why didn’t I li-ohhhhh, of course!

“You, you bastard!  You dont like me,” I slurred, “No, no tha’s not right, I, me, I don’t like you.  You’re a shit, a cheating piece of shit,”

“Kat, are you...fuck’s sake, how much did you drink?”

“Not enough,” I swayed dangerously and he grabbed hold of my arms, “Ic’n still ‘member what happened,” I swallowed thickly, “but s’ok, cus, cus I-ah shit, Jax, I slept with Tig,” I wailed, “I’m so sorry Jax, I never wanted-I cheated on you,” I sobbed into his chest,

“Shhh, shhh, it’s ok, I know, it’s alright,” he mumbled, his voice low and soothing, “Baby I’m never letting you go again.  I’m so sorry for what I’ve done,”

“Jax, I don’t feel so great,”

“Can you climb down you think?”

I shook my head, my mouth watering profusely in the unmistakeable warning of impending vomit.  Jax pulled my hair up out of the way and leaned me over the wall of the roof as I hurled.  Once my belly was empty, I gingerly straightened up.  Truth be told, I felt a little better for it.  I hugged myself against the chill I felt, looking up at Jax sheepishly.  He smiled kindly at me and motioned back with his head,

“C’mon babe, let’s get you cleaned up, hey?”

I nodded and allowed him to steer me back down into the club and straight to his room.  I noticed the bed had been changed.  Jax herded me into the shower and stood me in the enclosure, clothes and all.  He started the water and handed me a toothbrush loaded with toothpaste and a meaningful look.  I accepted and started to clean my teeth.  Jax busied himself with undressing me, pulling my boots off and tossing them across the bathroom and peeling my skirt down my legs.  I steadied myself as I stepped out of it with a hand on his broad shoulder,

“Your clothes are getting wet,” I observed, having rinsed my mouth and thrown the toothbrush haphazardly at the sink.  By some fluke it had landed in the intended target.

“So are yours,” he pointed out.  Smart ass.  He pulled the hem of the shirt up and I lifted my arms to help.  Jax stood me directly under the stream of water and grabbed the shampoo, massaging my scalp as he washed my hair.  At some point he had dispensed with his clothes.  I was too busy enjoying the warm water on my skin to notice, until he turned me gently around to face him.  He breathed a deep sigh as he ran his hands up and down my arms.  I looked up into his eyes and saw the remorse eating at him.  We both had blame to carry.  I uttered his name, barely a whisper.  It was enough to invite him back to me.  He brushed my hair from my face with both hands, cupping my cheeks and tilting my face to him.  His eyes darted from my mouth to my eyes, seeking my permission to continue,

“Oh Jax,” I moaned softly.  It was all he needed.  His mouth crashed onto mine, needing, hungry.  I couldn’t get enough of him.  My hands clawed at his back, his arms, his neck, dragging him closer.  I was buzzed from the tequila but I knew what I wanted.  I wanted Jax. We had a lot to fix, but eight years was going to take more than one stupid mistake from each of us to destroy, Jax and I were determined to prove that to eachother.

---------

@hanaissupergirl @cole-winchester @soawonder

[dazzlingfantasiesblogs]

Hurricane P21

Happy x Reader

Warnings/Triggers: Sluts. (I have no problem with peoples choices!). 18+. If under kindely un-follow me please!

Notes: o______o Let me know how it goes loves!

Gifs,pics and bolded lyrics are not mine. <3

Tags: @trippinjenni @moodygrip

You woke up early that morning. You had to get to Cara Cara and help market that slut house. Dressing in flowy work pants and a tank-top you started to make coffee. You sat against the counter, scrolling through your phone. Looking outside it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and you couldn’t help but wonder what was going to go wrong. Sipping the coffee you yawned after. “Man.. I am going to hate today..” you whispered to yourself.

Walking back in the room you grabbed your laptop bag. Happy rolled over, Kozy poking out of the blankets. “Where you going sexy?” you sat on the edge of the bed, kissing Happys forehead and then Kozys. “Going to work.. Gemma asked me to go to Cara Cara…” “Shit.. ummm how about not?” you looked at him confused. “Already promised. I will see you later.” Waving you walked out of the house. Happy grabbed a pillow putting it over his face. “FUCK!” he yelled into the pillow. Kozy crawled up next to Happy laying his head on his chest. “Now I see why you do that to your mom. It is calming..” he pet the dog looking at the ceiling. “She is going to come home and kill me…” he mumbled sadly.

Walking into Cara Cara you seen Gemma. “Hey baby! Let me introduce you to Luann!” nodding she pulled you along. Looking around all you could see is cum and herpes everywhere. “She keeps it very clean here. Promise.” Trusting Gemma you walked into an office to see blonde woman sitting at the desk. “Is this y/n?” you nodded holding out your hand. She pushed it away giving you a huge hug. Her breasts crushing your rib cage. When she finally let go you smiled to her. “So have you ever market porn?” “Not to this extent.” She nodded. “I need to see your business plat form. That way I can help tweak it if need be.” Luann held her hand out so you could sit at her desk. Sitting in her seat you went through the computer. “Organization for files will need to happen. Do you track how much your making each production?” She nodded opening a file. “Alright, then lets take last years numbers and write a goal of what we want by the end of next month.”

Gemma had left to go get you all soda and a sandwich. You where typing away at your lap top. Your legs crossed slightly. “Hey y/n.” looking over you seen Juice. “Hey sweety. What are you doing here?” He sat next to you. “I do a lot of the website editing for CaraCara. Luann asked me to bring the files over to you.” He handed you a USB drive. “Well thanks Juicey boy!” you plugged it in the computer. The files upload and you opened a folder. Scrolling through the advertisements, there was other production videos. “Geez this is a lot of porn.” Juice laughed nodding. “Yeah no kidding.” You kept scrolling. Zooming in on a photo you seen a picture of Happy and Ima. Her sitting in his lap. Looking at the date it was three days before you arrived in Charming. “Y/N..” Juice noticed the photo you were looking at. “Do you have a joint on you Juice?” He nodded. “Lets go outside to smoke.” Shutting your laptop, you brought your bag with you. Juice and you sitting on the Jeep. “That photo bugs you doesn’t it?” He said sparking the joint. He handed it to you first. Watching you take a deep breath. “Yeah.. It does.” Handing it to Juice he did the same watching your movements. “He never mentioned you..” you laughed a bit running your hand through your hair. “Yeah well.. he never told me he was here. Guess he moved on more than I thought. I didn’t know they spent time together.” Juice wanted to tell you the truth. That she was his choice of fucks. Instead he knew not to betray a fellow brother. He handed you the joint to finish off. You laid back on your Jeep, closing your eyes as the breeze blew cool air around you. “I know he loves you though.. he panicked when you where kidnapped. He lost his shit with Jax and the Colorado Pres. He hugged me for putting a few pieces together. He loves you a lot.” You nodded, feeling the high take over you. “Yeah.. well..” “Y/N!” looking over you seen Gemma walk over with a sandwich. “Here hun.” She handed you the pop as well. She walked back into Cara Cara leaving you and Juice. You handed him half of the sandwich. “Thanks!” He smiled taking a bit. “No problem. Thanks for sharing the joint!”

You ended up staying at Cara Cara for over twelve hours. Luann organized nothing, making your job so much more difficult. Scrolling through the pictures you seen more background photos of Happy. You started to feel sick to your stomach. “You ok darlin?” you looked up at Luann. Her worry was evident. “I just.. I will be back tomorrow.” Luann smiled. “Ok, thanks for all your help today.” Smiling you walked out. Putting your stuff in the Jeep you took a deep breath. You knew that was before you got here but it still hurt. He did easily get on without you. They must of hooked up at east eight times according to the photos you seen.  “Hey Y/N!” Lyla appeared hugging you. “Hey, long time no see.” Giving her a fake smile. She could tell you where off. “I was just leaving here to go have a drink at a bar. Want to go?” you nodded to her.

Following her to the bar you pulled in next to her. Getting out you followed her in. It was a small bar with some pool tables. Sitting on the stool you ordered a beer. She ordered one as well. “So whats on your mind?” “I need you to be honest with me Lyla. Fuck the club loyalty shit… How many times did Happy and Ima hook up?” Lylas face fell. You had no clue why you intently wanted to hurt yourself with whatever answer she was going to give you. “A lot. It started as a one night stand. A few times he came to Cara Cara to body guard. They hooked up a lot more. She went to his house a few times and viceversa.” Sighing you finished the beer. “Tequila please..” you looked to the bartender. She nodded pouring you some over ice. “Where they dating?” “I don’t know. They never had a label on it.” Lyla watched as you sipped the drink. “Why where you at Cara Cara?” “Gemma asked me to help market for them.. not sure why.. seems like your numbers are just fine..” she snorted a bit. “Luann and the club likes money. No wonder they asked you to help.”

One bottle of tequila between the two of you and your both where playing pool and laughing your ass off. You would hiccup and both start laughing. You danced to the music that was playing, Lyla too. Your phone went off and you looked down to see it was Happy. Picking up you answered.

You “MmmHello?”

Happy: “Where are you?”

You laughed into the phone.  You : “How is Kozy?”

Happy: “Fine, where are you?”

You hiccuped again and started laughing. You: “Dunno..”

Happy: “Are you drunk?”

You: “Fucking almost… another round!!” you called out. Happy pulled the phone from his ear.

Happy: “Tell me where you are?”

You: “Mm.. dunno.. gottag go drink with Lyla… she’d never choose another girl if I left her..” you hiccupped again.

Happy: “What?!”

You: “You and Ima… I seen the photos. Its whatever… you fucked her so many times I guess.. Maybe I should find a guy..”

Happy: “Y/N L/N where the fuck are you right now!?” He yelled into the phone.

Layla grabbed the phone talking.

Lyla: “She is with me. Safe. But drunk..” Lyla laughed at you trying to line up the ball on the pool table. “Babe hit the ball correctly…” Lyla laughed speaking to you.

Happy: “For gods sake, please tell me where you are!”

Lyla: “Mmm..nope. Don’t think y/n would like that. OHH shots! Byyyye byee Happy!”

The phone hung up and Happy slammed his phone down. He felt his phone ding and he seen a picture message. It was of him and Ima. Her sitting on his lap. Then there was a next one of Lyla kissing your on the cheek and her in your lap just like him and Ima. “FUCK!!!”

You took another round of shots. It felt so good to let go. Your phone buzzed again and it was Kozik. “FUCK why cant I have fun?!” you answered it.

Kozik: “Hey sis, I think I found a house you might like.”

You: “Oh thank god, I thought Happy called you..” you hiccupped.

Kozik: “Where are you it is so loud!”

You: “Dunno. Drinking at some bar with Lyla.”

Kozik: “Well be safe. Your old man is on the other line.”

You: “Tell him to go fuck Ima.

Kozik: “What happened?”

You: “Mm.. Gemma asked me to go and help Cara Cara… I seen the photos taken of Happy and that girl. Hmm.. Slut are sluts. May have been before I was there but still hurts!”

Kozik: “Sis.. he did miss you.”

You: “I suppose that is why he fucked her huh?” You laughed. “Well love you bro. Talk to you in the AM about the house! Oh can you get Kozy for me? Imma crash at your house if that is cool?”

Kozik: “Sure thing! Love you.”

You: “Love you to baby brother!”

Kozik: “I am older than you… Love you a lot. Be safe.”

Hanging up you and Lyla drank the night away. It was three AM and you and Lyla both fell asleep in your Jeep. Waking up she laughed. “Damn we drank too much..” you smiled nodding. “Thanks for getting me out and partying again.” She nodded hugging you, getting out of the Jeep and to her Car. “Thanks for letting me sleep in the Jeep so I didn’t drive drunk!”

Getting in the drivers side you drove to Koziks. Putting your key in you set your stuff on the table. Kozik walked out half asleep. “Mmm.. hey sis..” you looked at his tired self. “Sleep, I will take the couch with Kozy.” “Call Happy. He is losing his shit.”

You ignored it and laid on the couch passing back out. Kozik would understand.

Your phone went off and you seen it was 10 AM. Luckily Cara Cara didn’t need you to be there till when ever you damn well decided you got there. Walking to the kitchen Happy and Kozik sat at the table. You ignored Happy and grabbed some coffee. “Y/N..” you held you hand up pointing to the coffee. “Coffee first.” You sat back on the couch snuggled with Kozy. Happy stood up walking over to you. “I swear to the high heavens above us I will cut your dick off and feed it to a coyote if you dare open that mouth of yours.” Kozik snorted, choking on his hot coffee slightly. You finished your cup walking over to rinse it out. You washed it and set it on the drying towel. Not drying since it was the handmade one you created when you where twelve. Smiling at the fact he kept it all these years. “Kozik.. do I still have some of my clothes here?” He nodded his head. You walked to his bathroom, stripping your clothes getting in the shower.

Twenty minutes later you appeared in black skinny jeans, red heels and a blouse with SOA on the back of it. Your hair was in a lose ponytail and no makeup. “Alright brother, thanks again for letting me stay.” “You know you are always welcome sis.” Happy went to grab your wrists and Kozik stood up. “I am not getting involved in this one.” He held his hands up letting you slip away. “Happy I know it was before I came.. but part of me feels like you liked her.. if you did awesome. I cant expect me to be your only lover. However.. you only mentioned you had sex a couple times. That photo I sent you said more.” Walking to Kozik you kissed his cheek. “See you later brother. Is it ok if Kozy stays here? Don’t want him getting any STDS.” Laughing he nodded. “He has his own doggy bed from the old place anyways.” You walked over to the dog kissing his head. “Be good for uncle.” The dog opened his eyes and then closed them again. You dare not mention the stuff Lyla told you. Girl code.

“Have a good day.” You opened the door, grabbing your stuff and walked out the door.

Happy banged his head against the table. “I swear to whatever god is up there.. your fucking sister will be the death of me.” He groaned. “Well, you made shitty decisions.” “Are you always going to take her side?” Happy asked Kozik. “Inless she cheats or kills you.” He shrugged putting his cup in the sink. “I need to talk to her..” Happy sighed. “If she sees Ima, there will be a blood bath Kozik.” He smirked a bit. “Naw. Ima would have to push her over the edge first… which.. she is good at.” “UGH!” Happy stood up grabbing his gun, sliding it in his holster.

Walking out he waved to Kozy and Kozik. Getting on his bike he headed to Cara Cara after you.

Arriving he seen three bikes. Opening the door, he hurd the fake moans in the back and seen his brothers sitting in the lounge area. Jax, Juice and Chibs. He watched you walked out holding your laptop talking to Luanne. Pointing a few things out to her, he seen you where those glasses he loved so much. Luanne smiled hugging your side gently. “Sweety!” Jax called out to you. You nodded to him and went back to your work. Walking out a few seconds later, Juice stood up handing you a joint. Walking outside with him you did your routine like yesterday. Both of you sitting on the Jeep. “Have you talked to him yet?” you inhaled deeply and shook your head. “Not much.” Laying back on the Jeep Juice handed you the joint after taking a hit. “Ugh Juice, why cant shit be easy? Why cant we just smoke a joint everyday, Make tons of money and Happy understands shit.” You coughed a bit laughing. He laughed as well. “I know..”

Finishing the joint you walked in hearing a hip hop song. “The One” played. The guys rolled there eyes acting like they hated. Lyla came around the corner seeing you laughing because this was the song you where dancing too last night. “Then she put that booty on that Gucci belt!” you shook you ass against laughing with Lyla. “Yeah! Your lookin at the truth, money never lie! I’m the one yeah, I’m the one. Your sick of those other intimidators. Don’t let the real one intimidate you!” you danced around with Lyla, laughing your ass off afterwards. The weed calming your nerves with Happy there.

A few songs past and you came back out listening to the song “Ever since I met you, you got me changing my schedule. If you ain't know, that shit's eventful. And losing this money is dreadful, but. Believe me, that pussy is special. You wanna meet moms, I might let you. Rollie is so presidential, keep it on while we fuck that's 'cause I meant to, yeah. Fuck you twice, we take a nap, soon as you're awake, get back. Go for three, it takes a knack. I'm taking you to places that. You ain't been, girl, face the fact, meant it, I can't take it back. Whisky straight, ain't chasing that, I'll taste the cat. Yeah, you told me I own that pearl, yeah, that's 'cause I bone you, girl. You should be my only girl, when I hit it, you feel like you own the world” you rapped the whole verse. Shocking all the guys. You twirled around holding your camera taking pics of the building. Happy watched your every movement. He could tell you where relaxed with your movements as you walked around. “Yeah, ah, since the last time we had sex, honestly, I've been a mess, well, Fiendin' 'cause you got the best, borderline kind of obsessed and yeah. I'm on some kind of drug, I've been addicted and I cannot find enough. I call you, I'm tryna fuck, I'm in room 921, come on up. And we could put up the "please do not disturb". I got the drink, I got the herb, I'm tweakin', now I must be cured. The only way I rest assured is if, I get my fix. I love the way your dress just slips right off your waist, right down your hips. Technique's the best, she knows some tricks and yeah. I need you now, I need you bad. You and me both been fiendin' bad, I guess what I really mean is that, yeah” you glanced back at Happy every few moments you sang. Slightly biting your lip. His eyes caught yours and you seen him fidget. You noticed the boys where busy doing something as you kept eye contact with Happy. Bending over you fixed your heels, giving him view of your ass in those jeans. He knew what you where doing. This was your warfare and he would be damned if he said it was not working. You walked past Happy, shoulder shoving him. Your hand on his chest “Oh sorry… Babe..” you almost rolled your eyes at the name you called him. He felt your hand slide down his chest. His eyes pierced looking into yours. You walked away, moving your hips for extra effect.

You disappeared for a bit. Happy waited to see you come back out from the back area but you never did. He decided to go ahead and look for you. Walking through Cara Cara he tried to see where you could have went off too. “Happy!” he looked over to see Ima in some slutty nurse outfit. He didn’t know you where watching him from the upstairs balcony. She slid her hand over his chest, the way you just did. “Ima, leave me alone, I am looking for Y/N.” “Why.. when I am right here.” She slid her hand down his pants. He pulled back a bit. “Enough!” he growled. “I like when you get rough..” hearing the words you felt nauseous. “Surprised you have no shot her yet.” Kozik appeared next to you on the balcony. “I figured you would be here. Scouting everything before going in.” he smirked kissing your head. “I need to go back to Tacoma for a bit Kozik..” He looked at you. You had the same look you had two years ago when you felt done with everything emotionally. “Why are you here?” “You never replied to my text. I thought you might be in Jail.” You laughed a bit. “Wouldn’t surprise me if you were.” You nodded no. “Not this time around with Happy. I don’t feel like kicking every womans ass right now. Maybe I am just tired.” “Are you pregnant?” you nodded no. “Naw, had my you know what a week ago.” He nodded not even flinching.

Holding your stomach, you leaned over crying. Kozik rubbed your back unsure how to help you. “Sis.. what can I do..?” this was the first time you where getting your period. You fell into his arms feeling weak, tired and very warm. “Don’t let go..” you cried out into his chest. He nodded rubbed your back. Gliding his fingertips over it.

Later that night you two walked to Walgreens. Him holding your hand, to ease the pain. Walking into the tampon aisle you where unsure what to get. You had the talk with you mom and all as a young girl, but you had no clue what to get. “Ask someone..” Kozik smiled at you. Nodding no, you where too nervous and embarrassed. Kozik walked to a woman at the makeup table. “Hello mam, my sister is unsure what to get for her first… yah know…. Monthly thing…” The woman smiled slightly, thinking how sweet the boy was for helping you. She looked at you, seeing you slightly hunched over. “You will wanna start with these hun. When you get comfortable switch to tampons.” You nodded to her slightly. Walking to check out, you opened your small clutch pink purse that you had since you were a young kid. “$4.99.” you opened your wallet and sighed looking at Kozik. “Is there any cheaper?” The woman smiled to you. “Here baby, lets go get you Midol and some snacks. I will pay for it.” You shook your head no. “Hunny, your so lucky to have your friend with you. Trust me, I got you!”

A few years later you came back to that same store and dropped off a check for $100.00. Leaving the woman, a nice note. Expressing how thank-full you were to her for everything she did for you. Always being so sweet to you two when you came in and waved to her. She watched you two grow up slowly.

Ima tried again and Happy pushed her slightly away. “So since she is back you are just going to forget me?” “There was never going to be a you and me. I always loved y/n!” “Funny, you whispered you loved me once after sex.” Hearing that you grabbed your gun. Taking off safety and aimed it between the two. “Sis…” Kozik looked at you nervously. You shot out, it cut Imas nurse outfit and Happys shirt, hitting the cement. Happys head turned to the balcony seeing you and Kozik. You took out the shell of the gun counting how many bullets you had left. “Five should be enough.” You whispered. Going over the balcony, you took off your heels. Climbing the rafters down, Kozik shook his head. “Show off.” He spoke calmly taking the stairs. Walking towards Ima and happy. “You snuck into his house the other night.” Ima looked at you wide eyed. “Next time, don’t wear the fucking lipstick.” Quickly you pointed the gun towards her feet taking a shot. It melted the tip of her left high heel. She looked at you shocked. “That was planned. Good thing you didn’t move.” You winked at her. Turning away from them, you started to walk out to the office. “Luanne I am going to be gone few a few days. I will post your stuff and call if I need anything.” She smiled hugging you. You walked towards the door. “Oh and Happy will pay for the bullet marks.” Slamming the door to Cara Cara you headed to Koziks and Happys.

After clearing everything out of Happys you went to Koziks. You did it quickly, packing everything up.

Kozik: “He is headed to my house. He will be there in five minutes.”

You: “Thanks. Call you when I get to Tacoma.”

Kozik: “I will be up there in two days.”

You: “Why?”

Kozik: “To spend time back home with you and Kozy.”

You: “Your too good to me brother.”

Kozik: “Naw.. you have been there for me too sis.”

Putting your bags in the Jeep, you packed Kozy on in his bed. He fell asleep right away. You hopped in speeding out of the driveway. You headed towards your original home.

Happy pulled in Koziks drive way not seeing your Jeep. Kozik behind him. “You told her!” Kozik shrugged a bit. “She needs space Happy.” “No! she does not to get to run from this!” “What like you ran?” Happy hit his helmet with his fist. “That was two years ago!” Kozik rolled his eyes, going into his house. “Yeah, you where together for a long time. You promised her you would never leave.”

[roccoroks]

VOLUME 6 DAG FILES GATHER ROUND FUCKERS.....ITS THAT TIME AGIAN! ITS STORY TIME WITH ROCCO!!!! its been a long fucking week, elevator took a shit, roof blew off and the Indians are back from cherrokee and all of this in one 18 hour period, not to mention i have a desk clerk that thinks he is supreme overlord over the internet systems and security systems and he is not. thats my job. i am to supreme pizza as he is to cheese pizza but he has yet to figure this out. anywho (count down to when someone photoshops dicks into that gif) to day started out harmless enough, bird chirping and shit, sun was out, it was like 80 degrees but that was the highlight of my day. see i was being called in because we could no longer remote view our security systems because Lord WiFi fucked up the routers again. 10:30 am i arrive at the motel..... IN MAH NEW TRUCK MIGHT I ADD! *phone rings* me: hello (bleeeeep) how my i help.... dag: YES I WOULD LIKE TO BOOK ONE OF THOSE ROOOMS, THEY GOT DAT JACUZZZZZZZZI IN EM me: (MOTHER OF FUCK COULD YOU TALK ANY LOUDER!!) YES MAM, WE HAVE THOSE (MEETING HER VOLUME EQUALLY AS LOUD) dag: HOW MUCH IT BE FO 1 NIGHT? me: just one second.....( rack rate of 59.95, 10 dollar fee for destroying my hearing in everyway possible and the 5.00 i hate you fee) mam? dag: WHAT? me: huh? oh it will be 89.95 (i rounded up) dag: last time we stayed there... me: (oh for fuck sake, here we go) dag: it was 29.45 and tax me: was not, it has never been that rate.....ever dag: it was to me: was not, i know for a fact it wasnt, our minimum rate is 49.95 not 29 (oh shit im being a asshole and jill said i wasnt allow to be a dick anymore) you may have us mistaken with another motel mam dag: i dont like your tone me: (i dont like you) im sorry mam but the truth is that our rate is 89.95, now if you stay 3 nights i can give you 10.00 off dag: (yells to here husband) HEY! RICKYBOBBYJIMBOB BASS HE SAYS HE WILL GIVE IT TO US FOR 10.00 OFF IF WE BOOK 3 NIGHTS OR MORE dags husband: SHEEEEEIT THATS ALMOST 40.00 OFF *heard in the background* me: O.o (you no math what good) dag: OH YEAH WE TAKE THAT, THATS A GOOD DEAL 10 OFF A NIGHT! me:  (i seem to have made the screaming mongoose happy) ok i just need some info from you and we can get your reservation in place, when are you coming? ( i swear if you say as we speak and start moaning that the last person did, i will commit suicide) dag: uuhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... me: ( WAS THAT A FUCKING MOAN) mama? dag: HOLD ON, IMA THINGKIN (say it just as i spelled it) me: ........ *begins making the universal jack off sign* dag: oh! WE IS COMING TODDAY ME:  (REALLY.....HOW CAN YOU BE THIS STUPID AND NOT KNOW WHEN YOU ARE EVEN COMING IN.....WHEN ITS TODAY!!!) *A SHORT SERIES OF QUESTIONS LATER* me: ok i need your zip code please dag: ******* (its cherrokees zip code) me: (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... you people always cause problems) ok mam i have your reservation right here and i will see you soon! *dag hangs up with out further conflict* -12:4.....something pm IDK- -there is a nasty storm moving is and the wind is cutting about 60 mph in straight lines and shit getting crazy up in hurr- *struggling with printer, trying to refill the paper tray* me: *grabs multiple sheets of paper* yes, take my load of white paper *wont fit, grabbed to much paper* me: how about now *still no beuno* *removes more paper* me: now? *begins shoving paper into tray at maximum force* *still to much!* me: I WILL DESTROY YOU HP LASERJET P1101W! *phone rings* me: *throws paper in fit of rage, paper now covers 95% of the desk* .... O.e FML!! hello how may i help you? Jill: rocco? me:.....what jill: the cameras still dont work, i cant see shit on my phone me:......no shit? that might be because i have yet to get to that problem.... jill: dont be a ass just fix it me: why does this need to be delt with right this moment, im in the fight of my life with this stupid printer.... jill: i need to be able to watch everyone work... me: ......pervert.. jill: blow it out you ass me: you would like that wouldnt you...*heres her hang up the phone*...PERVERT! *TURNS AROUND TO SEE A LARGE LADY STANDING IN MY LOBBY* ME: hello what can i do for you? Dag: yeah hunneh wez gotza reservation widjall (good luck reading that shit) me: oh ok, whats the first name .....*notices she has what looks like a cross tattoo on her right shoulder*....thats a interesting tattoo you got there dag: oh this old ting? hunneh thats from a long time ago... me: oh is it tribal? (she indian so must bee) dag: sweety child no thats a pork chop... me:..........(BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH WTAF!) *snicker* uh...how come *pfssssss* i mean to stay *choking back tears* what pork chop dags husband: *from the couch in the lobby* BECAUSE SHES A FAT ASS! me: e.o.....(ho god ho god ho god! i cant do it! i just cant do it) falls in the floor laughing my ass off dag: mothafuck i told you not to speak! bitch you want to eat tonight dont you! me: (oh shit!) snaps to attention dags husband: pfssss wtf ever you know who wears the britches in this relationship! me: (shut up dude, this bitch has the size and capacity of a small bread truck, you may never be heard from again) here are your keys enjoy your stay (please dont eat me) *dag leaves, phone rings* me: hello how may i help you? jill: rocco me: now what jill: moms dog is sick me: i dont care jill: oh and bobby is sick, you have to cover third shift tonight, we have 3 late reservations coming in and you need to take care of it *loud noise heard in parking lot* me: OH SHIT NIGGA! THE ROOF JUST BLEW THE FUCK OFF AND LANDED ON A CAR! JILL: WHAT?! *hangs up phone and runs outside* me: *see that part of the roof has blown off and landed on one of the maids cars* OH THANK GOD, its just marys car thats distroyed. mary: OH YEAH BECAUSE THATS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER! me: meh.....*goes back inside while mary rages out* -12 am now...things are quiet.... to quiet... me: *le derpin on the omputer* *loud thud heard from outside* me: maybe its just thunder and it will go away. *more more disturbing louder noises heard from out side* me: please be thunder! please? please?? *yet another loud noise followed by muffled cussing and a loud clang!* me:.....my suspicions are now aroused..... *phone rings* me: front desk customer: yes we are in 304 and there are some people fighting on the balcony. me: yes sir i will get right on that! - it was that this time all hell broke loose- me: *looks out in the parking lot to see not one not two but all, yes all of my patio furniture from third floor laying in the parking lot and just then i see a tv fall to the ground* HOLY FUCK! *runs out the door* *screaming that i could hear running up the steps to 3rd floor* "your a piece of shit! i cant brelieve you would smoke my last cigarette you boofalo fuckin squirrel shit eating ass clown" me: holy shit! porkchop is fucking pissed! *arrives out of breath to 3rd floor* HEY HEY HEY! YOU TWO NEED TO KNOCK IT THE FUCK.... *pork chop throws a ash tray at me, just as it passes me i hear it break the sound barrier* me: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! *DUCKS* WTF! LOOK YOU BEST STOP OR IM GOING TO CALL THE COPS! *porkchop is now ignoring me and is attempting to throw her husband off the 3rd floor railing, yes they are hammered drunk* dag: "ima kill you, you sorry fucker! how dare you smoke my last cig!" me: *calls the cops" 911: 911 whats your emergency? me: yes my name is -------- and im at the --------- and there are two indians beating the shit out of each other on my patio 911: sir? me: SEND THE COPS! THE FAT ONE IS TRYING TO EAT THE LITTLE ONE! 911: ok sir units are dispatched and on the way me: *hags up phone and hides in ice room* -about 29 seconds later, two squads show up- me: oh thank god! -by this point the husband was locked in the bathroom narrowly avoiding being eaten, and porkchop was dragging out all the furniture on to the patio saying all the while " your ass can live outside just like that chicken of yours!" me: wtf does that even mean! - cops arrive on the balcony to find me hiding in the ice room and porkchop the great white grizzly bear destroying the room- cops- mam, your under arrest for destruction of property and DIP (drunk in pubic) dag: *grabs a remote off the table and squares up to fight.....i shit you not...* cops: *circling the enraged wildebeest, one goes in for the kill and nails a lucky blow to the back of her knee and she drops like a 900 pound bag of booze, shit and regret* your going to jail! me: oh snap! 20 mins later after filling out a report cops: ok have a nice night. me: wa....wait, whos going to help me clean..... cops: no me... *leaves* so there i sat, parking lot covered in furniture, 3rd floor could legally be turned into fema for government aid and 302 completely destroyed. me: *looks around......locks the doors and goes home*

[kimchichigay]

first love with jaemin

dO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING BEING NA JAEMIN’S FIRST LOVE AND HIM BEING YOURS MY HEArT alright before we start this is my first time making something like this so pls be patient with me

• ok this twerp would definitely be the kind to slyly drop a lot of subtle but not so subtle hints that he likes you before y'all started dating

• hints as in I’m talking about lOTS OF SKINSHIP AND BEING SUPER CLOSE AND INTIMATE WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT KIND OF INTIMACY dONT GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST YA NASTY

• like for example he’ll tuck your hair to the back of your ears like its nothing and then flashing you his million dollar smile

• or him telling you some cringey pick up line that is worth punching his beautiful face for poor chenle nearly threw up his lunch when he overheard you both

• BUT WHEN HE FINALLY THINKS ITS ABOUT TIME TO CONFESS HIS FEELINGS PROPERLY HE’LL BE THE CLUMSIEST LIL SHIT EVER

• HE BE TRIPPING OVER HIS OWN FEET AS HE MAKES HIS WAY TO YOU OR EVEN FALLING FACE FLAT oN FHE GROUND POOR BABY

• HE STILL TRIES TO BE COOL THO

• donghyuck, jeno and chenle makes sure to film everything down and probably make a meme out of his mishaps

• mark and renjun are probably just there for emotional support

• he’ll probably begin by wiping his sweaty (ew) palms on his trousers and nervously clearing his throat cORNY I KNOW

• you will most probably be like ??!??? at first but then you realise what was going on the second you saw the trash can moved behind jaemin. you knew this was bound to happen so you secretly kept it inside of you knowing too damn well jaemin will appreciate it if you pretend not to know anything for his sake

• this hopeless romantic smh

• “ok so y/n there’s this thing I’ve been trying to tell you all along. this may sound ridiculous but this takes so much courage from the bottom of my heart and the strength of jaehyun and yuta hyung’s fist to knock some senses into me. and if I don’t do this now johnny and ten hyung are going to call me a wimp and I have to buy them pizza later because I proved their point. I–”

• but who the hell said you were good @ keeping your mouth and excitement shut you can’t stand the tension anymore too either so lmaO

• “I like you too jaemin.”

• “pls do not interrupt me y/n”

• before he could say the three little words he’s been dying to say, he took a deep breath but stopped half way, opening his half lid eyes widely after his mind was able to process

• “wait what”

• “SHE SAID SHE LIKES YOU DUMBASS”

• “SHUT THE HELL UP DONGHYUCK”

• “can I come out now???” jisung’s head pops out of the bushes

• long story short jaemin was finally able to claim your heart that day and jisung got ant bites from hiding in the bushes for too long with the bouquet of flowers jaemin planned to give you after his confession

• the dream unit with the exception of jaemin also found their new source of entertainment from the video they got that day

• NOW DATING JAEMIN YES LETS GO ONTO THE DEETS

• NA JAEMIN IS DEFINITELY THE TYPE OF BOYFRIEND WHO WOULD SPOIL YOU WHENEVER

• he’ll get you small lil gifts of whatever reminds you of him

• that hair clip??? ITS CUTE BUY IT FOR Y/N that necklace?? A MUST BUY !! THAT LIMITED EDITION PIKACHU DOLL?? SCREW THAT VIDEO GAME WINWIN HYUNG WANTED HE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LIKE HE DID FOR THE PAST 19 YEARS

• he’d even turn up at your house at 2am with fried chicken if you text him at night saying you’re hungry GOALS YALL

• HES ALSO KIND OF LOWKEY LIKE YOUR 2ND MOM LMAO

• I call him dropping by your classroom during snack breaks/lunch breaks with food with him, knowing so damn well about your horrible habit of skipping on your meals

• he would force you to eat with him or at least take a few bites from the food he specially prepared/bought for you

• cOUGHS HE ONLY BOUGHT/PREPARED YOUR FAVOURITES COUGHS

• and didn’t he say he enjoys cooking in the dorm too?? imAGINE HIS HOME COOKED FOOD MADE WITH HIS LOVE

• I’m crying blood

• AND IF YOU REFUSE IM 999999% SURE HE’LL FEED YOU PERSONALLY

• “say ahh, y/n”

• “jaemin I said I’m not hungry”

• “stop lying through your food deprived mouth and eat!!!”

• “jAEMIN!!”

• “LISTEN IM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU FINISH THIS LUNCH BOX”

• JAEMIN WOULD ALSO BE KINDA PROTECTIVE BUT NOT CRAZY PROTECTIVE YKNOW

• HE’LL ALWAYS CHECK ON YOU IN BETWEEN TOILET BREAKS BY WALKING PASS YOUR CLASS AND TRYING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW

• AND THE SMILE OH NY GSKDNDN THAT SHEEPISH SMILE HE’LL GIVE YOU WHEN YOU TELL HIM TO GO AWAY IN EMBARRASSMENT JSNNDKEBXOEKE

• but lbr it’s either that really cute BF material kind of smile he be giving you through the window or that weird derpy smile he always has when he’s being dumb

• either way you’re embarrassed by this goofball

• and to add on to your embarrassment, he knows that some of your classmates may be watching the two of you so he’d blow kisses/make kissy faces at you

• he just absolutely loves to see you blush because it’s just so cute to him and he loves cute things especially you you’re his favorite cute thing and he wants to keep you by his side forever

• FIRST KISS YES

• YOU CAN NOT FORGET ABOUT FIRST KISS

• AND yALL KISS ON YOUR FIRST DATE TOO OMG SO IMA INCORPORATE BOTH PLS BE PATIENT WITH ME YALL

• because jaemin has been receiving lessons from his hyungs on dating it isn’t surprising that he brought you to the movies on your first date not because it highly suggested by his hyungs…

• you both agreed to meet outside the movie theatre and he was there an hour early and boy was he nervous as heck

• the older members were also there for a little while to prep him up aw how supportive

• sO after giving him half an hour long of prep talk and re-styling his hair (for running through them anxiously mULTIPLE OF TIME) ITS FINALLY TIME

• YOU TURNED UP RIGHT ON TIME AND YOU SAW HIM STANDING THERE OUTSIDE DAZING OFF INTO THE DISTANT

• HE LOOKS SO GOOD JUST STANDING THERE AND YOURE LIKE ‘tF HO W IN THE WORLD DID I END UP WITH HIM BLESS’

• pls excuse me for a moment here oh my god na jaemin is seriously one of the most attractive 16 years olds I’ve ever seen f U CK CALMD DJOWN

• ok lets get back

• IT WAS THEN YOU START TO FEEL THAT WEIRD FEELING IN THE STOMACH LIKE YOURE ABOUT TO THROW UP FROM THE NERVOUSNESS AND ANXIETY BUILDING UP INSIDE YOU

• BUT YOU STILL APPROACHED HIM ANYWAYS FROM BEHIND AND WHEN YOU FINALLY REACH HIM YOU GAVE HIM A LITTLE TAP ON HIS SHOULDERS

• POOR BOY WAS SO STARTLED HE JUMPED A FEW FEET IN THE AIR jk I was just exaggerating

• bUT STILL

• AND WHEN HE TURNED AROUND HIS JAW JUST DROPS THE MOMENT HE LAID HIS EYES ON YOU MAKING YOU BLUSH AND SHIT AND YOU COULDNT LOOK AT HIM IN THE EYES GOD DAMNIT SHDBNDSKDN

• SEEING HOW SHY AND EMBARRASSED YOU ARE BY HIM AND HE JUST LOVES SEEING YOU LIKE THIS ,, YOU BET MY LAST $3 THAT HE’D TEASE THE HECK OUT OF YOU

• “aigoo, my beautiful girlfriend looks even more beautiful than usual tonight. did you dress up especially for me?”

• I want to kms

• you’d just smack his arm and walk away, trying to hide your face. “let’s go buy the tickets before the show starts, you twerp…”

• the smile on his face would just become wider and he’d catch up with you, naturally reaching out for your hand and intertwining them together

• where the fuck did that nervous dipshit go and where the fuck did he find such confidence to become such a cheesy little shit

• jaemin also bought popcorn and drinks for the both of you and being the cheesy lil shit insist y'all share the drink with two straws while giving the excuse “i wouldnt be able to finish mine if we bought two” 

 • “I can buy my share myself” 

 • “nonono it’s too late for that now the movie is about to start and the line for the snacks is now really long lets go babe you don’t wanna miss out the beginning of the movie”

 • he holds your hand and leads you both inside the theatre and to your seats • “what are we watching again” 

 • “the conjuring 2” 

 • TOTALLY NOT TEN AND JOHNNY’S SUGGESTION 

 • “hmm,, ok… wAIT WHAT” 

 • you stared at him wide eyed and jaemin suddenly looked remorseful and he regrets everything especially listening to his hyungs who probably learnt all their “techniques” and “moves” from watching too much corny chick flick and kdrama 

 • “sorry, I should’ve asked you. do you want to leave right now? I can get tickets to see another movie.” 

 • THIS BOY IS LEGIT READY TO GET UP AND GET YOU TICKETS TO WATCH ZOOTOPIA IN THE THEATRE NEXT DOOR 

 • HE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU 

 • but your cheapskate ass just grabs him and pulled him back down in his seat but not letting go of his hand 

 • “its fine jaemin, ive seen the trailer and my friends say it’s pretty good. let’s enjoy this movie shall we? haha.”

• though your face say yes but heart say no, jaemin was reluctant but eventually decided to sit back down when the lights went off

• “but if the movie gets too scary and you dont feel like watching it anymore you can always tell me, ok y/n? we could have dinner early or something, i’ll bring you some place nice.”

• instead of watching in the beginning of the movie, jaemin was watching you the entire time with a stupid smile of his face despite worrying over the fact that you might be scarred for life

• eventually you caught him and you had to forcefully make him stare ahead at the big screen instead. at first he was pretending but soon enough he was immersed in it

• this dipshit istg

• when the climax of the movie came, you knew what was going to happen and you immediately grabbed jaemin’s hand while following your instincts and hid behind his shoulder

• he was caught off guard at first lmao since he was too immersed in the movie that he nearly forgot that hes on a date 

• after realising you had grabbed his hand and possibly squeeze it for as long as the climax part of the movie lasted, he blushed and tries to bite back a smile from forming on his face

• and when he turned to look at you, seeing that you’ve curled up in the seat, ears covered with your other hand and eyes squeezed shut, he was this close into melting into a puddle of goo because you looked so cute and squishy and he just wants to hold you 

• and he did 

• i am trying not to scream as i type this 

• he skillfully wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his embrace, stroking your hair as he teases you “aigoo my big baby i told you we should’ve watched something else instead.”

• you both went on to watch the movie like that, you clinging onto him like your life depended on it and him enjoying every second of it and lowkey wishes the movie to be longer

• when the creepy music in the background began to play as the second climax arrive, you were already gripping onto jaemin’s arm. being the perfect boyfriend material he is, he covered your ears. (BASICALLY JUST LIKE THE WAY SUNGJAE DID TO JOYIN WGM WHILE THEY WERE WATCHING A MOVIE I MISS THEM SO MUCH)

• but as soon as it was over (after all that exorcism and shit and everything becomes brighter), you’ll just look up and blush in embarrassment cos jaemin was staring back at you with a smug look on his face tHIS LITTL E SHIT

• you also notice that there are red marks on his arm from where you were grabbing him so you gasped and began apologizing for nearly tearing his arm apart during the movie while gently stroking his arm while rambling on and on about how sorry you are and also complimenting how he’s practically hairless 

• apparently you were rambling on too much that he couldn’t take it??? not in a bad wAY BUT it wasn’t just your rambles that was driving him crazy 

• it was your moving lips

• yes LiPSSSS gIRL YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

• YOU GUESSED IT

• he kissed you 

• to shut you up 

• and to also finally man up and kiss you like how he should’ve 3 weeks ago when you both started dating

• mmMm gotta get me a guy like jaemin A++

• you were too stunned to kiss him back so you just stared at him wide eyed when he pulled away

• “i-what-huh-wait, jaemin-what-” you poor confused child

• “how did you know peach was my favorite flavor.” he wipes the corner of his lips as he said that with a shit eating grin, causing you to turn crimson.

• “what are you kids still doing here? the movie is over; leave.” 

• whoops 

• so basically that was how jaemin found his confidence and that was just only the beginning of this cute relationship and he just adores the heck out of you and loves you to bits you guys are practially engaged in his head and he hopes that not only you’ll be his first love you’ll also be his last iTSNT THAT THE CUTEST THING EVER

• i am crying blooODdd i hope you guys enjoyed this like how i enjoyed torturing myself ㅠㅠ

[the-little-red-noodle]

7/3/19 11:39pm the aftermath

Spencer and i broke up today.

I am so exhausted. My eyes hurt from crying. My chest hurts from breathing and thinking and seeing him. I feel hollow but also so fucking heavy i can’t move. I feel hurt, i feel frustrated, i feel confused and i feel so fucking angry that this is happening one of the weekends i was looking forward to the most this summer. I am really really frustrated and really sad.

I had been in costa rica for like 10 days. I was so excited to see him. I just landed at the airportand he texted that he was on his way to my house and i was excited that i would have most of the day and the night to be with him. I would get to talk about the trip and be excited and kiss him and talk about the larp.

Fuck i just wish he could express anything ever. Fuck.

Where was i? I got home, i was trying on larp stuff and being excited and he got there and he seemed normal and we went to my room and i changed back into normal clothes and he sat on the other end of my bed and i was motioning for him to sit with me and he moved to still sit across from me and i was like what’s up?

And he just sat there holding my hands and stuttering and trying to speak and stopping and then i said,

Are you trying to break up with me?

And he said yes, I’m sorry. And i just felt like confused and like aw he’s having trouble speaking but also what are you doing?

And then i was like why? Why are you doing this right now, we have such a fun weekend planned and we have a party tomorrow and a larp and all this to celebrate together, why are you doing this now? You couldn’t have waited until after our fun weekend, until after my fun weekend? Until after i could do the stuff i had been so excited about and planning and planning with you? You couldn’t have waited??

Theres never a good time..

There fuckin is, it’s called ANY of the times i brought it up to you that thigs weren’t working. ANY of the times i said we weren’t communication well. ANY of the times i said i wasn’t happy or that we’re so different or that we just love differently. THATS when you mention the fact that you feel that way too. You fucking. Tell. Me. You fucking say hey I’ve been feeling that way too, we are super different, our communication doesn’t work well together, idk if I’ve been super happy. You fucking say something then. You don’t calm me down over and over saying that we’ll work it out we’ll work it out and then drop this on me literally an hour after i get home from a trip and before this really fun weekend that i would have liked to enjoy. I really was looking forward to this stuff and now you fucking ruined it. I’m not the kind of person who deals with shit by going out partying and pretending everything is fine. I fucking know it’s not fine and i see peoples faces looking at me with the “how ya doin?” face and the pity and the “oh wheres spencer?”

Dude, fuck you.

It’s not like i didn’t also think the relationship wasn’t working. I went back and forth so many times on whether or not to end it or stick it out, but i wouldn’t have fucking dropped it on you right before you had a bunch of important shit to do

Fuck you

Of course i knew it wasn’t working, we been knew. It hasn’t been working since the start frankly, we don’t communicate cohesively. I actually have emotions? And talk about them? And want to hear how you feel about stuff? What a fucking concept???

Fuckkkk youuu

I actually cared enough to go out of my way all the damn time to do what you needed, and show you how i felt, and love you the way you receive it best. Where was my gesture? Where was forthought into doing something for me? Where were any words that actually came from your heart and not phrases that i said were special to me?

Dude, fuck you man.

I’m angry. I’m really really frustrated because we talked so many times about when i was having doubts and when i was feeling like we needed help and we needed to fix shit and where i asked you over and over AND OVER!! HOW YOU FELT! That’s when you fuckig say something! You fucking tell me hey I’ve been having some doubtsabout the relationship and I’m not sure if I’m happy, and then we would have talked, seen that we felt the same way, and ended things respectfully together. But instead, you kept that shit in for months so you could blindside me before i have shit to do

FUCK. YOU.

How do you expect relationships to go? We small talk, fuck, eat, and sleep? And give each other space but don’t ever text or talk while we’re apart? What kind of relationship is that?

Beat change

What kind of relationship was i settling for? With someone who, not wouldn’t, but couldn’t share their feelings. Someone who was incable of really anything involving emotional intelligence. Someone who RARELY asked me how i was doing or what i was thinking about or how i was feeling. Never asked about my past, never knew HUGE pieces of who i am because he never bothered to dig around? He never knew about my depression, or the self harm, or the eating disorder, just a few. So many parts of what ultimately made me me and he just never asked. I asked about him CONSTANTLY and i could never get much.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i have to do so much fucking legwork to get the affection i need and so much effort to train him how to respond to a text in less than an hour. What was i settling for? Because he was the one? Hell no, we been knew this was casual from the start

OH THAT TOO! BITCH THIS WHOLE OPERATION WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!

We weren’t even dating! We weren’t a couple! We were hooking up and then YOU decided you liked me more and YOU decided you wanted to be exclusive and YOU wanted me to be your girlfriend and YOU initiated all those conversations that got us here. And then YOU have the audacity (I’m being dramatic) to step out after you decide theres no fixing us when you didn’t even give it a fair shot. When i brought up how to make us better and how i asked how you felt about every little thing just to gain an inch of insight into what the fuck was ever on your mind.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i had to stretch to get reassurance. Where i had to stretch to get validation. Where no compliment came free or unprovoked. Basically everything you ever told me was because i fucking prompted you to speak. If i hadn’t, we wouldn’t. If i didn’t start a conversation, there was no conversation.

God i am so fucking angry about it. Yes I’m sad and we’ll get to that, but I’m really fucking angry. And i feel guilty because i want to shut down and not be social but i feel like people are fucking relying on me to show up to stuff and drive people to things and camp and do all this and i fuckiiiiinnnggg wanna just not.

But i can’t be a hermit because then i let everyone down. If i bail that means mark has no ride or tent and julia won’t go and shell be bummed and shea will be mad because I’ll miss another fucking larp and everything falls on me

But if i go, i know myself, and I’m gunna be a fucking wreck the whole time. I’m gunna be crying and not wanting to participate and I’m gunna have to watch all the couples be happy and be like “so wheres spencer? What happened? Are you okay?”

I hate are you okay.

Fuckin..???? Like..???? Naw?? I got dumped before a bunch of shit i was super excited for and now can’t be excited because I’m heartbroken and have to do all this shit without him after getting my hopes up that he would go and it would be so romantic and right up our alley and so fun.. and now it’s fucking ruined and everytime i think about the larp, i think about how many people are counting on me to go and how people will say they understand but are also super disappointed and secretly hate me for throwing a wrench in our plans

BUT ITS NOT MY FUCKING WRENCH

ITS HIS WRENCH BECAUSE HE COULDNT HAVE FUCKING TOLD ME HOW HE WAS FEELING MONTHS AGO OR, and i can’t stress this enough, FUCKING WAITED UNTIL AFTER.

I’m mad because he knew how important this weekend was to me, that i literally cut my family vacation short to spend time with him, and i can’t even get to enjoy it with my friends now cuz i swear theyre all gunna be looking at me and thinking ah shit is she ok, should we say something, is she drinking too much, is she eating too much, is she blinking too much, hey are you okay?

I’m frustrated too because i swear i went back and forth on breaking up with him so much and i can’t believe he’s the one who did it, and blindsided me, and ruined my fun weekend. I literally texted mark like a week before my trip in a frenzy like I NEED TO BREAKUP WITH SPENCER! And he talked me down. Yah, mark talked me down. Who always seemed to hate spencer and not like that we were dating, he fucking talked me out of ending it. MARK.

Dude, fuck you, right now. Fuck you for not being about to just talk to me. Fuck sake, it can’t seriously be that difficult to have an emotion formed into a single thought right? I do it constantly. How hard is it to say “i feel like we’re having problems” or “I’m struggling” or fucking anything. Nah, just keep it in and unleash it on the worst time possible. Sounds super.

Fuck you man.

Ima go to bathroom or something. I need to walk this off. Fuck I’m so angry

Also, fuck you for the corny friend line near the end

“I hope that someday-“ “i swear to god if you say that we can still be friends..” “well.. yeah, id like to”

Like, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, i don’t wanna be your friend, dude. We don’t really have a lot in common, it’s kinda part of why we’re breaking up, remember?

The couples who usually stay friends after a breakup are the ones who have a ton in common and lose attraction for each other, whereas spence and i have eh not a lot a lot in common, and i reaaallyy attracted to him. That pairing doesn’t bode for great friends. That sets us up to be like fuck buddies again. No, i don’t wanna be friends. At least not now. I basically said we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, but honestly, fuck that noise, ok? That’s basically u saying that I’m not attractive and that youd be fine just hanging out in groups and hitting on my friends.

Pass.

I’m glad i asked about romy tho. I always thought he had a thing for her and maybe that was why he wanted to end things. Theyd make a good match i guess. Both of them are incapable of expressing any emotions and are crazy stoners.

Man i am not gunna miss the potheads. Omigod. I worry so fucking much about his health and I’ve told him many times. Youll notice, if you read the records back, not once has he expressed interest in my health. Never commented on drinking or working out or anything really. Never worried about my safety ever. Not even after i was sexually assaulted, which i know is a low blow, but honestly..??? Where was the concern? Where was the fuck that guy attitude? If someone had groped spencer, you better believe i would say some shit. I would fucking destroy them. I wouldve done anything to keep him safe, including getting sexually assaulted so that i could get his drunk ass home. Whos gunna carry you back to your dorm anymore? Whos gunna take care of you when you’re throwing up from alcohol poisoning? Won’t be ANY of the people in your inner circle, I’ll tell you that much. Your friends don’t give a shit about your health and it shows and it broke my heart everytime. I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

And then offer you weed. Then you threw up again and they passed out. Ffucking what? call me overattentive, but thank god you had me those nights. When you passed out drunk behind a tent at BFtR or when you got too high at a wonderland party or when you drank too much at the alpha toga party and were throwing up in ralphs bags while your friends IGNORED YOU. whos gunna do that for you now? Are you gunna end up dead after a delta party one day because your friends don’t give a shit about you? I worried about this NONSTOP. Because i cared so much about you, and i still do. And i would worry every time youd leave the house and go to bars or whatever because i know that something like that is going to happen again, and I’m not gunna be there to pick up the pieces and give you a placw to sleep and make sure you drink water and take medicine and care about you. Tell me which one of your “friendsl is going to care about you the way i did. Cuz I’ve watched them all fail that test frankly and it breaks my heart.

But i guess.. that’s not my problem anymore. The days of getting you home safe after one too many is over. The nights of staying up till 5 am holding your hair up are over. The conversations I’ve tried to have about your health and hoping youd change those habits is over. Cuz it can’t be my problem anymore. Cuz i can’t watch you kill yourself anymore. I can’t watch you poison yourself everyday anymore. I can’t watch you hurt and hurt and shove it all down anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t watch you be high anymore. I can’t look at you with your eyes drooping anymore. I can’t worry about you taking weird drugs and acid and wondering if you’re okay anymore. Cuz I’m not your girlfriend anymore, and i can’t be your friend either. But i hope you get such a friend soon. I hope you find a better person to look after you a little. Cuz I’ve watched too many of your “friends” just inable you to do dumb dangerous shit. I can’t watch it anymore

I’m not gunna fight for us to stay together. I’m not gunna ask you to reconsider. I’m gunna (try to) not reach out. I don’t wanna talk. Theres nothing more to say. Anything else, all of this, is just me being angry. And needing to get out anger, but it doesn’t ever need to see him. He doesn’t need to hear how I’m feeling. He doesn’t need to see me suffer. He doesn’t need to hear that I’m angry or sad or doing well. He feels enough guilt as it is, and i don’t need to add to it.

But i can still be angry. And i can still be sad. And at some point, I’m gunna do okay. Because that’s how this shit goes. You go up and you go down and you have friends, real friends, there to catch you. And i hope you do too.

For now, it’s too hard. It’s too hard to look at my instagram with pictures of you. It’s too hard to see your face. It’s too hard to think about what to do about your mom and sister that follow me. It’s too hard to think about if i want to take the pictures down.. cuz what if you do..

I guess i should probably sleep.. but i just feel really fucking hollow. And really fucking heavy. And really fucking tired. But really fucking sad... like really fucking sad..

And i bet he’s feeling none of it. Cuz that’s what he does. He pushes everything away and never talks about how things affect him.

As we were talking, he said that this was the most he’s cried in the past years combined. And considering the last year he had, that is really fucking sad. In some ways it’s nice to know i had a big impact, but also like.. god.. he needs to be talking to someone. He needs a therapist. He needs help. He says he doesn’t, but he does. We dated for 10 months and he couldn’t talk about his dad. We never talked about my past. He really scimmed the surface of what a connection should be, and that’s really sad. And he ended it before he could make some real improvement because he was getting better.. really slowly but he was.

Idk what to do with myself. Idk how to feel or what to say or who to say it to. I want to sleep and i want to do yoga tomorrow. And i want to figure it out from there.

[gendermesenpai-blog]

3:18pm

I just listened to 59 minutes and 51 seconds of the Kanye/Charlamagne interview while I was going through my key database and updating my contact information across my various accounts to include my new mailing address.

I feel like there is no proper way to react to Ye at this point - if you say he is full of shit and talking out his ass, you’re pretty much just a hater, you turned your back on Ye because that’s apparently considered the correct thing to do now that he’s out here wearing MAGA hats and talking about how slavery for 400 years was a choice. And the truth is that a lot of what he has been saying since he came back to public life in recent weeks makes a lot of sense, so if you refuse to acknowledge that and say no, it’s all bullshit, he’s lost his mind and reached a point of unquestionable irrelevance, the “end of Kanye” as people are calling it, you’re really just exemplifying the closed mindedness that Ye is criticizing.

Hold up, what? Is this real life? Am I serious? I don’t even know.

Because if you say he’s a genius and he’s making all the right moves right now, you sound like you just smoked PCP out of a 3 inch section of garden hose.

But I mean I just listened to the guy talk for an hour and only said “yo shut up Ye that’s stupid” one time. And I don’t even remember what it was now, because I can only really remember the stuff he said that was smart.

OK I am done talking about Kanye now.

Last night I performed my first show ever. First time performing my own music. I feel like I butchered it completely. It is really weird when you’re up there. Even if there’s only like 10 or 15 people. It feels way different than you imagine it would. But I fucked up a lot of lines. I had to restart one of the songs and still fucked up on the same part. I was much drunker than I had meant to be. I had been drinking since 3 and went on at 11 or something. And I had been smoking since at least 8. Idk, literally no one said a bad word about it. All of my friends and some complete strangers were saying how great I did. But no one can convince me that it was good. I feel terrible and cringy about it. Sick to my stomach in a way. But I still want to do it again? Is that stupid? I’m stupid.

There is video of it but the guy who is supposed to send it to me is slacking hard as shit. His fucking phone, holy shit - I tried for like an hour last night to get it to send the videos to me on like 3 different apps, Mega, Messenger, Youtube, none of them would upload the fucking videos. So he has to plug it into his computer and transfer them. He said like everyone else that I did really good, that I had fucked up a bunch of lines, but because none of them knew any of my songs they wouldn’t have known that from the way I performed it? I don’t know. I don’t see how anyone could’ve not noticed.

A funny detail he told me was that, like, ok my ex roommates and their weird Chicago friends were there the whole time, and apparently their plan was to fuck with me by clapping obnoxiously after all my songs, but because everyone was enjoying it so much and being so loud anyway, they couldn’t do it. I really, like, I keep going over moments in my head that I can remember where I like mumbled certain lines, or delivered lines at the wrong part of the verse and the adlibs were mismatched, or when I completely blanked and was just letting the beat play out. At one point I just shouted out my own beat. Hahaha. I was like “listen to this beat” lol and just waited for the next transition

I can’t even decide if I’m glad I went through with it. I guess time will tell how this affects my relationship with people. Specifically this one vet messenger we have on our squad who everyone looks up to seems very enamored with me right now. He made a big speech about how I’m an asset, and I’m part of the elite group or whatever, the privileged group of elites, and like, how I’m Baltimore now, and even if I leave, no matter where I go, I’ll always be Baltimore.

It’s so weird, I had basically just planned on being here for a while and just kind of surviving or whatever and then taking off and never contacting these people again, and I accidentally made everyone love me and respect me and want to have long-lasting relationships with me and shit. Well, not everyone obviously. But yeah it’s weird as hell. The big group picture we took at like 3 am last night when everyone was plastered drunk and coked out is pretty funny, I think I actually might pass as a girl in it. 

No one has said a word about the changes, not my face or my tits. I think they still haven’t noticed. One guy asked maybe a week or 2 weeks ago if I shave my legs and I used a couple of the lines I had prepared. We were alone, I think I had shaved the previous day and so the hair was coming back in as spots and were visible enough in the light that he noticed them. I said “why are you interested or something?” and he laughed then I said “Nah, you know that episode of Always Sunny where Frank shaves off all the hair on his body, like even his eyebrows and he’s like ‘I jussst wanntttoobeee purrreeeee’... [pause] it’s basically like that.” I think that was it, he was smiling the whole time though, I don’t think he thought anything of it really. And actually, the way he asked me was “do you shave your legs for speed?” so he kind of gave me an out at the beginning. I probably made it weirder by saying that. But they’re jokey lines and I prepared them to be jokey and he laughed and smiled so I think it worked.

I’m still not wearing a bra. I think I want to start if just to project them because when they get hit it hurts a lot. Even when I’m just taking my bag on and off. And then I always try to go in for these bro-ey handshakes with dudes and they bump their fist into my tit and it hurts a lot. Happened like 3 times last night. I have to like stop doing that handshake or somehow learn to prevent them from making contact with my tit. 

When I first started treatment I felt weird about the tits. They weren’t a huuge part of my dysphoria, and they started coming in really immediately, or they felt like they did. So it was like, all of a sudden I had these lil titty knots that I didn’t know what to do with. I felt kind of conflicted and strange, almost in a body horror kind of way. When I was younger I was chubby and had “man boobs” or whatever and I always hated them because of how people made fun of me. But now, it’s been like 4 months or whatever, I keep having these weird days or moments where I think the progress is slowing down or reversing or something, I check in the mirror and my tits look smaller, or my facial hair makes my face look worse or whatever, and I start thinking about how if my tits disappeared now I would be hella distressed, like I would be like noooo, come back lol. Even though I wasn’t even sure if I wanted them before. Now I’m like... yo.. tits are great. lol. They’re so sensitive!! It’s a blessing and a curse maybe.

Godddd I keep thinking about the show and being like “what the fuck did I dooooo”

It would help if I had the video, I need to review it to see how bad it really was, otherwise all I have is my shit warped memory that’s probably all exaggerated.

What else. I moved into a new house. It’s lit. Cheap as fuck, roommates are cool as hell. Haven’t unpacked my shit yet. No furniture to speak of. Ima get a desk and a chair soon, maybe a dresser. Buncha hangers for the closet. Posters. I need money fuck. I have to get my next dose like within the next 2 days. I only have 2 doses of spiro left. I might deal with it today actually, I smoked some pot and I’m feeling good so maybe when 5 rolls around I’ll go do a little Uber work. Currently sitting on a hot $0.42 in my bank. I do have like $6 in cash on me but that’s food money for tomorrow in case I end up just falling asleep today/tonight like has been happening. It’s almost like a mild case of narcolepsy except it only affects me when I’m laying in my bed. But since I don’t have a chair in this room yet, this is my only place to sit or be comfortable in my room. And I still have that tailbone thing. Fucking 4 weeks to heal just because I bumped my saddle on my ass. Fuck’s sake, what is that? Universe, what is you doing?

Oh, I upgraded my bike a shitload. Maaaad new parts. Like $450 worth of parts. Feels pretty dreamy. Pretty sexy. Although I am having some trouble adjusting to the 48t up from 46t on my previous chainring. I can still ride it and all that, but I do feel considerably slower than I did on the 46t chainring. Maybe it will end up making me stronger again? I don’t see how anything could make me weaker at this point lol. And I am pretty fast on flats! I just mean climbing, like heading north from downtown which is like basically one giant hill. I’m always out of breath on those climbs now. I’ve been trying to do big powerful breaths instead of constantly panting though, if I’m going to have to breathe different, I might as well try out some different stuff and see what works. Panting like a dog at all times is not sexy.

The 170mm cranks and the new ratio have made my pedals/cleats work a bit differently. I am popping out more again. I reeeally need to buy some Time pedals. In the meantime I will replace my cleats. Once they start getting worn down they are practically useless for skidding which is what I need them for, like, to stay alive, because I don’t really use my brake anymore. I am actually probably going to go brakeless after I get my Time pedals. Now that I can ride fixed, and I’ve been doing it for a while, I understand that brakeless isn’t really as edgy and difficult as people think it is. You can ride brakeless and just be fucking slow as shit all day and never get anywhere but look cool as fuck doing it. You can ride brakeless and go fast as hell, but not even skid, because you just know your city and the lights and intersections well enough to slow yourself down at the right time via reverse pressure. With clipless pedals, this is a piece of cake, really. Anyone who learns fixed on straps probably has more trouble with this sort of thing. But on clipless, it’s easy as shit to me, I do it without even thinking. I know how to control my bike well enough to not use the brake that’s on it. And that’s the point where I feel safe enough to try going brakeless. Bare in mind, I won’t be riding the same exact way - I will be extremely careful at first and ease into it with more comfort in time. I will not take unnecessary risks. The city that I work in, and the company and clients I work for, affords me the ability to ride hard only when absolutely necessary. So for the most part I will be able to practice brakeless control without flying around subjecting myself to dangerous situations constantly and without exception. Of course I will eventually probably do that, but I’m giving it time. Like when I took my back brake off after I was beginning to learn to skid. I could’ve taken it off much earlier, but I took it off when I was ready, and it’s worked out well for me so far.

I think I need to write some new songs.

[notsohesitantly-blog]

im getting rly tired of reading my own depressing shit so im gonna do something normal n write about my day n good things for once

lmao today i realized i have to get an A in chinese because i’m taking it for my major and if i got a C it would majorly bring down my gpa....bye, well i have an easier load this semester so it’s not like i don’t have time to allocate for it. i’m just. lazy LMAO and chinese is so difficult!!

in other news i feel like suuuper obnoxious in my asam classes because like 90% of ppl take asam classes for GE’s so i def sound like a complete know it all. i used to be insecure about it and was super conscious of how many times i raised my hand in class but lately i’ve just been over it...i’m passionate about ethnic studies. this is what i wanna do for the rest of my life and yeah i can’t shut up about it. i don’t think a lot of ppl wanna be friends with That Girl in their classes but i’m not gonna stay quiet n cool about something i genuinely care about just to be more cute n likable. sorry not sorry

lately i’ve been feeling really anxious that being bipolar will prevent me from being a good teacher/mother. it’s silly but i’m just scared that i’ll sacrifice my morals and passion for the sake of appeasing my moods. part of it is cause that’s how mi madre handled (handles, presently) her bipolar, and part of it is because i know how strong my moods are and sometimes it feels impossible to handle. it feels like i’m gonna die if i don’t act out or cut or isolate myself. but tbh being in class again made me realize how important asian american studies (and teaching) is to me. sometimes when i’m really Feeling It, i can’t trust any of my feelings, like i truly don’t know if it’s the bipolar or it’s really Me. it’s scary when that happens, but even then there are some core, undeniable parts about me that even the bipolar can’t shake my faith in. and this is one of them, my feelings about education and the future and blah blah blah i’ll have the rest of my life to elucidate but my point is...i’m good fam. i’m gonna be a good teacher, a good mother. love is a lot more powerful than any impulse or dangerous thought, and i have so much love!!!

it’s a quieter week this week so i have time to run errands over the weekend (find textbooks, FIX MY PHONE LOL, make appts, buy new clothes, find a new fucking job lol, study) and i’m looking forward to that~ i’m also reading a really good book and my mother got me a gym membership l m a o LMAO LOL but i guess that’s a good thing, i’m really excited to just get shit done this week so the rest of the month goes smoothly because this might be the last quietish week i’ll have in awhile...! but that’s a good thing, i hope i’ll be able to build up my energy for all the stuff i’m planning this semester. walking around campus is a little bittersweet though, i can’t believe it’s my last semester!!!! i love my school so much sometimes i feel ungrateful for being excited to move on. but i am grateful, so grateful. i’m taking the gap year so i can finally deal and healthily cope with all the emotions i’ve either denied or internalized the last 3 years (which is tough so far but! life goes on!!) so that when i do move, i won’t have negative associations with this place. i have a good feeling that the places where i grew up will be highly romanticized and missed by my future self, in a good way. no more emotional baggage or flashbacks. when i remember my college years, i think i’ll remember it like the chainsmoker’s roses (the only good chainsmokers song, although i actually found a remix of closer i actually like LOLL). because that’s what it was, heartbreak and all.

hmm what else, i’m trying to cut down on red meat (and meat in general) from my diet. i don’t think i’ll ever go pesquetarian or vegetarian but just...less red meat. i’ve been eating a lot of fish & bread lately and it’s good. i also want to stop drinking coffee but that’s not going as well because i have to wake up at 6 am on tues/thurs LOL but tbh caffeine does NOT react well w/ my meds. i can’t even drink tea past 7 pm it’s tragic......but i do anyway. MY POINT IS THAT IMA TRY TO STOP OK

lastly, i’ve been wanting to buy eyebrow razors for awhile b/c i have too many unruly hairs to pluck, but i’ve been holding off because they’re smaller and easier to cut with and i wasn’t in a place where i could trust myself. but i got them today n holy moly they’ve changed my life!!!! and hey, i’m proud of myself too :^) no more ugly eyebrows or cutting scars hehe