#ok im normal. im being normal about this i can be normal about tI CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS GRAUGHHHHHHHHH💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

[cavejebus]

my adam playlist is about 20 songs now, so im gonna post it even though it is still a WORK IN PROGRESS!!!! ill add onto it when i wanna ofc, but i just wanna share a lil bit of my visionnn <3 expect a lot of linkin park lmao

some songs might not show up on the tumblr preview so i highly recommend going to the actual playlist if you have spotify!!

and batuta din moldova is there too cuz why not

below is a few categories and explanations for most songs!!!

ANGSTY SHIT

songs I thought either the lyrics or vibe had something to do with his angst... usually has to do with his background, during the trap, after the trap (whether he survived or not), or just headcanons :P

1. paper cuts - nirvana

"my whole existence is for your amusement", "why do they not try to escape?"

i THINK this song is about this dude who is like, in a really shitty kidnapping situation.... or something idk don't quote me on that :P it gives off the vibe of how it must've felt being in the bathroom all alone :( waiting for his boyfriend to save him :(

2. pictures of me - elliot smith

"you'll be the victim of your own dirty tricks", "i'm not surprised at all and really, why should i be?", "so sick and tired of all these pictures of me")

i like the whole pictures tie in.. the song isn't rlly about this, but some lyrics seem like how he would feel about being in a trap. like "I'm not surprised jigsaw chose me for this, my life is shit!!" ofc that would be if he knew who jigsaw was beforehand....... self deprecating shit yknow

3. given up - linkin park

"stuck in my head again//feels like i'll never leave this place//there's no escape", "thought i was focused, but I'm scared//i'm not prepared", "i hyperventilate//looking for help somehow, somewhere//and no one cares"

OK so first quote from this that I chose is like, how he sees his life as some useless "live to die" type thing, then the next quotes are how he realizes that he REALLY doesn't wanna die at the end of the trap. despite his whole "my life is shit I hate my job yadda yadda" talk, he still begs for his life once it's really in danger!!!

4. black heart - stone temple pilots w/ chester benningtion

"rescue me//(If you don't mind)"

lawrence......rescue this bitch....... ok but this song is mostly vibes, it can have angsty vibes :P

5. go with the flow - queens of the stone age

"she said, "i'll throw myself away//they're just photos after all", "i can't make you hang around//i can't wash you off my skin"

MORE PHOTO STUFF!!!!!! love it when it all ties in......... for the second quote its kind of a chainshipping thing... i cant make you hang around, adam goin "don't leave me!!!!" and i cant wash you off my skin, lawrence left his frickin bloody handprint on adams face.... oughh

6. and one - linkin park

"left all alone//far from my home//no one to hear me, to heal my ill heart", "it's too late to love me now//you don't even know me"

this song just generally gives angsty adam vibes, but the second quote is TOTALLY CHAINSHIPPING..... like they literally just met but already have such a connection since they went thru all that SHIT. but uh its too late for them to live a happy normal life together cuz lawrence never came back womp womp!! i can see adam sitting there waiting like "he don't even know me why tf would he come backk"

VIBES/STUFF HE'D LIKE

whether its based off of whatever tf he was listening to in his headphones that one time, or just based off of the time... i think his music taste would generally be pretty vast, while still staying around nu metal and alternative rock

1. one step closer, papercut, don't stay - linkin park

its 2001, hybrid theory has been release and is already fairly popular, i'd assume :P plus I think he'd favor linkin park since they've got a lot of complexity, as opposed to some mindless nu metal around that time

2. guns (are for pussies), down - 311

AGAIN with the rap x rock wtf!!!! he also like, cares about politics and probably trash talks all those gun loving dummies

3. brain stew - green day

who tf doesnt like this song... but it is about rotting in your room and he probably does that often <3

4. break stuff - limp bizkit

DO I HAVE TO SAY WHY I PUT THIS ONE???? ITS BREAK STUFF LIMP BIZKIT COME ON!!!!

5. the fear (flipped) - the shins

honestly have no idea why, but its giving adam!!! dunno what the song is about, but i glanced at the lyrics mentioned a bong and i was like "haha adam smokes weed"

6. tired of sex - weezer

he would like pinkerton, but i kinda only like this song off of it :P i don't listen to much weezer

7. blister in the sun, kiss off - violent femmes

i kinda just wanted to add in the acoustic sounding shit, but i do think adam would listen to violent femmes!! and you should too!!!

8. break it to me - muse

have y'all noticed that he kinda lied a lot during the trap? sure he isn't a good liar, but he seems like he's cool with lying for whatever reason... i just kinda picked this one cuz i needed to add some muse and the song kinda says shit about lying and stuff idk!!

CHAINSHIPPING SHIT

other than the angsty chainshipping in the "angsty shit" category, these just have cutesy lil lawrence x adam stuff <3 sorry to SHOVE chainshipping down your throat but whatever love is love

1. add it up - violent femmes

not specifying which lyric even though there IS one, i'm just embarrassed to say <3 but uh the only thing stopping them from making out sloppy style on top of john kramer was their chains :P

again, i WILL be adding more to this :3 but here's just my thoughts for now. im TOTES not just projecting my music taste onto adam hahahahhhhahahhahahhhaaa he's just so ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry if none of this makes sense!!!

[wovenstarlight]

The Sranks Webtoon makes me so sad because sometimes it does an amazing job at least being cool, if no completely accurate to the novel (e.g. Yoojin selling himself to shj, the diarma dream fight). But then it turns around and like? Makes jokes about Yoojin's squishiness but like different to the novel? (E.g. at the end of the most recent dungeon Yoojin playing weak to get his brother to leave makes him look like a baby?) And it's also weird with jinjae's relationship because whilst shj is exactly the weirdo he should be, they keep having yoojin be just plain confused or freaked out instead of his instinctual defence mechanism of continuing the batshit stream of consciousness of shj.

To me the Webtoon's in this weird middle-ground where sometimes I adore it and sometimes I feel the need to look away because who are these people. And it seems to possibly be because they're like trying to make Yoojin more? Palatable maybe? Like closer to that 'normal guy surrounded by crazy powerful people' that's expected of Sranks, but by doing that they keep forgetting that Yoojin is just as fucked up as the rest of the cast, he's just physically weaker and only really a freak around shj (and maybe stw? Dunno yet).

YOU UNDERSTAND.

[ohbo-ohno]

Serial killer AU and the contrast between how Ghoap treat us and other victims. Maybe they're holding our friend group hostage in the basement, and every day we're forced to see pain and torture of our friends and then Ghost drags us upstairs by our hair and....

The softest pillows ever, Soap helds pur hands so we won't struggle as Simon tortures us with cumming over and over again. We're literally covered in blood, they are covered in blood, and Ghost is so mean with everyone( Soap laughs as our friends struggle against his axe and then covers our face with kisses because we're adorable and he wants us to cry forever((

Scaredy cat whiny wet napkin reader who constantly needs to drink because we cry our daily hydration worth, and we don't really get used to them or fall into Stockholm syndrome, we're just terrified enough to comply with them. It's my favorite dynamic tbh, not just falling in love, but mostly submitting out of fear. Ghost is so soft with us, gots us sweets and vegetables even though Soap is moody because of the lack of meat, because we can't bring ourselves to eat normally after we saw what they did to our friends

🎷🐛

i am fucking LOSING IT

you're so real for preferring scared submission over stockholm syndrome btw. stockholm syndrome can be fun but something about complying only because you're scared... it's so delicious...

also... soap wanting meat... if any of you want a cannibal ghostsoap apocalypse au go read this it's sooo good. ghost kidnaps soap and takes him back to his cannibal compound to keep him :( it's written as a love story from ghost's perspective and a horror story from soap's lol it's great

anyways more about serial killer ghoap below the cut :) listened to bilgewater by brown bird while writing this if any of y'all like gothic country music

soap torturing someone with you in the room (because he hates letting you out of his sight) and he keeps taking breaks to come comfort you and gives you kisses IM :((( wipes your tears away and gets streaks of red all over your face, wants to fuck you cause you look so pretty but his victims don't deserve to see you that vulnerable, that's just for him and simon. ties you up in the corner so you don't run, maybe locks you in a little cage (i will put petplay into everything i write like god has challenged me to it personally). gags you because you get real scream-y and tend to beg for their lives, but sometimes has to tug it out so you can throw up :( tells you to close your eyes when he does something particularly nasty, the gore and your terror in the corner nearly enough to get him off without even touching his dick

being soft with you is like their reward to themselves for torturing people so well lmfao. like, they did so good making those people's last moments agonizing and now they get to cuddle up with you <3 washes off their hands and your face, bundles you up real close to them, gets to lay in all the nice soft warmth now.

ghost is so so tender when washing you off (when he doesn't want you covered in blood - sometimes he leaves it for hours, until it flakes off and you nearly scratch it away until you bleed). he's cooing to you while brushing a soft washcloth over you face, humming a little and saying things like you were such a good girl for us. such good bait, led our toys right to us, thank you so much, doll. look so good covered in their blood, wanna paint you with it sometime. that sound nice to you? no? ok, ok, deep breaths, honey, calm down. just relax for me, you're safe. gonna be real sweet to you now, you don't have to be scared anymore.

and they are sweet. place you on a mattress covered in the softest most plush blankets you've ever seen. they set a little stuffed animal in your arms, let you curl around it and hide your face in it. they know it makes you feel better, and they're nice enough to let you hide your face from them for now :( content themselves with pulling you right up into them (making you hold the stuffed animal when they kill people, look at you all smiley and say make sure he doesn't get dirty, baby, picks it up out of a pool of blood and tsks at you all disappointed, tell you to clean him and say gentle, like we are with you whey you get too rough)

actually can't stop thinking about this au it's like a curse

[a-random-weeb]

I CAN HELP- DONT WORRY- I CAN SEND IT AGAIN-

Anyway, hi 👋 here it is again

Yandere you say? What do you think of self sacrificing dazai? Or if you want a different plot what about Fyodor using his wits to isolate, manipulate and control the reader into loving him and depending on him for everything.

Im glad you liked the idea!

TYSM ANONYMOUS PERSON

Warnings: kidnapping, manipulation, unhealthy relationship

I don't know Fyodor as well, I haven't gotten far enough into the anime, so sorry if he's ooc. I just finished the Skyfall episode. (Ik I'm behind)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai:

•Hes obsessed with you

•He'll do anything for you, he'll give his life to you!

•So... why don't you love him back?

•cant you see he can give you everything! He may not be filthy rich, but he'll give you all his money if you ask!

•You, of course, are a little creeped out

"Oh Darling~ why are you ignoring me? Come on Belladonna, I love you!"

"Leave me alone Dazai! Accept that I don't feel the same way!"

•He eventually kidnaps you

•He wants to give you everything, but he can't do that if you keep rejecting him, can he?

•Other than letting you go, he'll do almost anything! Cook? Ok! Buy you things? Alright! Kill someone for you? With pleasure!

•He ends up hurting himself while trying to do everything for you

•He needs you, and he will never let you leave

"Oh Belladonna! I killed that one dude who glared at you! Look, I have his head!" He holds out the head, his clothes completely covered in blood. When you begin to cry and throw up he tilts his head "Whats wrong cutie? You should be overjoyed!" You shake your head.

"St-stay away from me!!" The horror in your eyes is clear as you try to scoot away despite being tied to a chair.

"Aw no, don't try to get away~" he drops the severed head and hugs you, getting blood all over you. You throw up on him

"Oh? Are you sick baby? Ah well, it's fine, I had to wash this jacket anyway, it was covered in blood!" He smiles and skips away to get medicine, leaving you there to regret your life choices.

˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚+* ♡˚.°˖✧‧˚

Fyodor:

‎•Lets say you both are dating

•At first it's fairly normal, there's a few red flags, but you're sure it's not the end of the world

•He's constantly taking you out out on dates

•he wants you to get as attached to him as possible

•He hopes to give you separation anxiety, then you'll never leave his side in the end

•He doesn't kidnap you, he makes it seem normal enough

•When you start living together.... thats when things take a turn for the worst

•He pays for the house and cooks and cleans

•He makes you quite your job

•He makes sure you're completely dependent on him

•It comes to the point you can't do anything for yourself

•You gain separation anxiety, it's all going to his plan

•He leaves you alone for three days, saying it's for 'work', but really it's to make sure you can't live without him

•If you're anxiety is so bad and you can't do anything and you keep calling and texting him, then he'll come back

•But if you can fend for yourself...

•He chains you to the bed, making sure you're well fed and taken care of.

•Hes not done until you can't do anything without him

•He can't have his beloved leaving him can he?

˚‎♡+˚*・ ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱° ‧˚˚‎♡+˚*・ ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱° ‧˚˚‎♡+˚*・

once again, sorry if Fyodor was ooc, and sorry for deleting it the first time 😅

I got 69 likes on this hehehehehehe

[ballcrusher74]

hello. are you. perhaps 👉👈 willing to talk about the inspector/faux. ive only seen cool arts and no context so im rather curious.

OK!!! I actually love rambling about my ocs so small questions like this make me day. I just get nervous LOL But! I will say, there's gonna probably be a bit I'm leaving out because it does involve my friends' characters and it's still an on-going thing atm (we tend to roleplay on lethal company as our guys. btw the oc group is called Cleanup Crew ! it explains the recent reblogs and new tags I've added on posts with this guy) AND this does also involve my own little interpretations of in-game mechanics and other things, but otherwise, I'll get the rest of him down!

Inspector, also originally known by the name of Terrance Conroy (or Terry), was a typical scavenger working under 'The Company' after a couple rough times on his home planet. (This information isn't necessarily set in stone, but the idea of him being a washed-up rock star before quitting his passion to get a job that pays his rent has been bouncing around in my brain.) He used to be a normal guy, trying to find a little hope in his desperate situation, and was a social butterfly. He tend to bounce from crew to crew, sometimes staying in some for only a couple days, and some for months. He was a very careful man, and looked out for his fellow crew members.

And then, one day, his first death on the job happens.

But instead of being greeted by a bright white light at the end of a tunnel, or complete pitch darkness, he appears on the ship again- completely physically fine.

This.. confuses him at first, yet he continues on.

And then he dies again. And again, and again. Over and over, the more deaths he's endured, the more he comes to a morbid realization that he can't truly die, nor can those around him. He tries to keep this truth hidden away from the others, as they seem to not have mentioned it at all before. He remembers everything. Every time he was ripped to shreds by an eyeless dog, every time he blew up into pieces from a landmine, every time he was shot multiple times, every time he was left behind or ejected as part of the disciplinary process- He felt it all and remembered it all. This goes on for the course of years (around 8-10 roughly) and over that course of time, he begins to grow very careless. What's the point of saving someone if they'll just come back? What's the use of tears when you're only a couple dollars off quota with a shovel in hand?

What's the point of it all? And with that carelessness comes selfishness into the picture. With how long he's been stuck in the cycle, he has become a very manipulative person, putting up a playful and nice persona on the outside- almost sickeningly sweet- in order to help other's do his bidding. He believes that if he were to cause so much chaos, disorder, and disruption within a crew, to where it's like animals mauling each other apart, he'd be able to break free from it himself. He doesn't care anymore about leaving others behind. He's desperate at this point to find a way out. Faux, who is an alter ego / disguise for Inspector, ties more into the on-going events right now, but I can give a basic rundown on his personality. He's a klutzy and quiet man, typically only talking to others when it's just him and them, and nobody else around, playing himself off as a selective mute. Since this is just Inspector in a jazzy little jester outfit, he still possesses all the traits of that man, just hidden away as to not blow his cover. He's still tugging on the strings in some way, people just don't realize. Sure, he's off putting and just a tad bit strange, but how can a goofy man like that be terrifying?

WOOOW ok that's a lot more typing than expected, but here's also a couple fun facts about the guy !

He stands at 6 feet and 1 inch, and is a very lanky guy compared to others, but this wasn't always the case. He used to just stand at 5 feet and 6 inches, and had more normal human proportions. With how many times he has died and how long it's been of the cycle, it has fucked up his appearance a LOT. Other things include : his 'skin' being grey, his voice constantly sounding like it's coming from a walkie talkie, no visible neck, his face becoming the helmet itself (it still bleeds, but there's nothing in there), and inhumanly flexible.

The only thing left of him that represents his last strand of humanity, is a singular, dim eye behind the tape on his visor.

He is very much not a rational man anymore. He is quick to jump to things, and won't hesitant with his actions.

When waiting to return from death, he is able to manifest in someone's head as a disembodied voice, and will typically mock them, or try and manipulate them further. In this state, he can see everything through the eyes of the person he's haunting. ^ Fun fact about this! This was originally based off a stupid bit where my friend was streaming LC to me with other buddies on the game and I kept telling them to step on landmines and then kill someone for a promotion, and then Inspector was born!

and UH I think that's about it I have for the guy atm! If the rest of the cleanup crew gets dropped than I'll update this accordingly perhaps. As of right now, enjoy my oc slop 👍

[shukakumoodboard]

*Pulls out my massive bag of money and jewels and blow* I’m your biggest fan so I must pick your brain now that you have a tumblr ask box. your finest gaalee romance hcs my good sir. Please

help.

I’m your biggest fan

did you know im crying ab this. kissing u on the face rn

ok gaalee romance headcanons. i've been thinking about this for days. grab ur mojito mix lets frockign gaur

ill be upfront in that i have very few i'll-die-on-this-hill opinions about the boys, but here's some i'm pretty stuck to <3

sfw headcanons

1. lee's better with words, gaara's better with actions, and they're both secretly envious of the other for it: my thoughts here are that gaara spent so much of his life not understanding love that he'd still struggle to articulate it in flowery ways that i think, as a born theatre kid, lee would be good at. but gaara would absolutely be that person who shows it in subtle ways -- like taking care of someone when sick, remembering food preferences, always ensuring lee takes care of himself when lee forgets or is busy having a self-flagellation moment. not that i think lee would be incompetent, but he strikes me as more of a scatterbrain, but would always be on top of verbal reassurances and affection (which i also think is what gaara would benefit from: clear straightforward declarations of feelings and intent)

2. they're both super cuddly in private look, you put together a touch-starved former monster vessel and a social outcast who mostly knows touch from violence (until gai) and you are going to get some clinginess imo. you can't convince me they're not the kind of people who would sit side by side at the dinner table so they can eat holding hands. bro (emotional)

3. they're probably actually really shit at "conventional" dating hear me out ok. they're like initially so far away and gaara is the whole president and lee kicked a meteor in half one time you think they can just wander around and go to restaurants? it's absolutely nonsense that shinobi don't suffer village celebrity paparazzi syndrome in nart tbh. not exactly the same but i have a whole wip in the bort-verse about them sneaking around. tldr i'd bet they sometimes get casual breakfast or dinner but i think more likely takeout and quiet time together as opposed to like fancy dates

4. language learning and hobbying as a form of devotion as a purveyor of my wares u may notice i have language headcanons. it is also my gaalee romance hc that they learn each others -- i've incorporated this into in the space between and a wip called multilingual, which is all about nejiten teasing lee about his crush on gaara in front of the man. i also think that lee would lean into gaara's gardening stuff with gusto because if it's something gaara loves, lee would want to love it too.

nsfw headcanons huehuehuhe

1. they're switches and i WILL die on this hill i think this is self explanatory but listen. listen i am SIQUE of the assigned top/bottom nonsense they both deserve to rail and also be railed. i may be the resident owner of the Rock Lee Fucks tag on AO3 but i also own the Gaara Fucks tag. ill kill a man over this

2. lee is absolutely a service anything this ties into the previous one. a big component of his canonical personality is that he's a disciple of gai -- he's a follower who bases a lot of himself around those he cares for. not the kind of person who is suddenly going to crop up with an intensely specific preference, imo? i think he would base his role on whatever his partner needs the most at the time.

3. rock lee's canonically huge dick ok lol listen. listen this one's canon jokes aside i think lee is hung as detailed in We Don't Talk About Fight Club and i will continue that joke. that being said i think normal hung. not arizona tea can hung which is a hilariously illustrated discord joke

4. tbh i think they're kinda vanilla in the bedroom i say this in a positive way i think they'd be far more into like, just being able to be with each other instead of getting into wild sexual mischief all over the villages although they definitely bone in weird places secretly. they Fuck, but like i don't see them as super kinksters or anything. however, i have seen many a kinkfic that im like nodding my head this is valid cakesitting bdsm what who said that

5. gaara's vaguely nebulous oral fixation i really have no justification for this one i just think some of those animal bijuu instincts might linger and turn into what that mouth do idk i keep going to write smut and whoops my whole body slipped and gaara's licking something. happened in fight club and fight club II, happened in hole time, happened in tgod, happens in at least two wips i have cookin' in the background... what is goin on actually

dkghkdf i hope you enjoyed this episode of kel's questionable headcanons. i really enjoyed answering, thank you so much for the ask <3

[thegeminisage]

ok, now that i've watched all of tos (none of the movies yet...) i am going to do the top ten worst and best episodes, according to Me. they are as follows:

WORST EPISODES

10. the savage curtain - idk who thought putting abe lincoln in a cage match with the vulcan version of ghandi against like, ghengis khan and space hitler would be a good idea. but it wasn't. i did like seeing the vulcan father of logic though like "im gonna go sacrifice myself for peace" ok king

9. i, mudd - all of the mudd episodes are bad. he's not charming at all whatsoever. however, this one is better than the other one because uhura gets to pretend to sell out kirk and they're SOOO cute about it. her little giggle when he PICKS HER UP BY HER SHOULDERS and tells her how proud he is. PLEEEEASE

8. charlie x - the entire premise of this episode is that the bad guy is just autistic. and then they make him live on a planet without people because he can't adjust to normal life ???

7. shore leave - obvious racism of this episode aside, the faux-irish jig that played while kirk was being menaced by his extremely unfunny old bully nearly drove me over the edge. we DO love a good mccoy death fakeout tho

6. a piece of the action - if i had any interest in gangster films before this it's all gone now. that being said. i loved when kirk drove the little car. he was so bad at it. he was so happy.

5. mudd's women - like he's literally just selling women?? and the plot twist is that secretly they're ugly?????

4. who mourns for adonias - this is just "what if ALIENS build the pyramids bro" except for the 1960s. nail in the coffin for this one was kirk proudly declaring they didn't needs gods - because they already had the One God, thank you very much!

3. the paradise syndrome - WHY WOULD YOU HAVE NATIVE AMERICANS MISTAKE KIRK FOR GOD. WHY. like i know why but Why. i think the very worst part of this episode was that it had an amnesia plot that would have FUCKED if you had simply removed the people. if there hadn't been people in this it would've been in my top 10 episodes. i think this broke me.

2. the omega glory - this is the same as the last episode except there's no amnesia, and also the "native americans" are white cosplayers who worship the american flag and mistake kirk for god because he can recite the pledge of allegiance yes really. if i had a nickel for every time this happened i'd only have two nickels etc etc at least kirk didn't knock anybody up in this one ig

1. patterns of force - why would you make your two jewish leads wear swastikas and then literally be whipped by nazis. i know he's such a bad person but not even william shatner deserves that. number one worst episode everyone says it's omega glory but it's this one

BEST EPISODES

10. plato's stepchildren - this episode is hard to rank because like it's both good and bad. the torture scenes were genuinely upsetting, especially the ones at the end w/ spock & nurse chapel, because they weren't just violence being inflicted on tied up guys, but they were SUPPOSED to be upsetting, like it was literally the point. and also this episode bears the distinction of THEEE kirk & uhura kiss. literally historic.

9. the trouble with tribbles - i feel like everyone's heard of this but it really is as good as everyone says. sometimes 1960s humor doesn't translate to 2020s humor but it was genuinely hysterical start to finish. also, the distinct trilling sound was so imprinted in my brain i recognized it in the 2009 movie where i had never registered it before.

8. the naked time - aside from the KING SHIT george takei pulled with the fencing this episode also contains the "i am in control of my emotions [sobbing]" moment and kirk & spock LITERALLY having a slapfight. this episode has everything. an absolute masterpiece

7. the empath - i feel like this paired with "the world is hollow and i have touched the sky" really made me a Bones Understander. i feel a little bad about that bc everyone says the characterizations in s3, or actually that the season as a whole, is kinda shaky? but i watched without knowing that and i feel like i Get It now. also, this was the only score i went and relistened to on spotify

6. tholian web - the spock & mccoy episode ever. there's so many things to say about this from the death fakeout to kirk's little space suit but what TRULY got me was the instant and totally nonverbal agreement to lie straight to kirk's face to both preserve personal dignity and troll the shit out of him (while chekov and sulu are like also silently laughing as they listen in no less). what this episode made me realize was that it's a good thing they argue all the time and make kirk play referee because if they were on the same side kirk wouldn't stand a chance. like he'd be finished.

5. the city on the edge of forever - ok, so, this episode made me feel like i was having a mental break. the time travel. spock's little hat. when he watches kirk kiss edith and then goes back into their room to pretend he didn't see anything. mccoy and kirk basically hugging at the end when edith bites it.

4. requiem for methuselah - the first time i watched this i was kinda like :/ because how does kirk fall in love with a woman in FOUR HOURS? that aside the ending scene blew my tits clean off. i paced around my house for like 30 minutes going "what the FUCK was that" because i couldn't simply lie down and sleep after seeing it. rewatching the episode with uh. new context made me like it a little better. but even if it had been garbage the last scene shook me so thoroughly it would still need to be on this list. i'm getting wound up just thinking about it. number one most shocking tos moment.

3. the dagger of the mind - look, i understand that this episode was technically just run-of-the-mill stuff as far as everybody else is concerned but they put james t kirk in a little brainwashing machine. and the machine was shaped like a chair. and it gives people amnesia sometimes. i don't know how i'm expected to behave normally

2. this side of paradise - this is the episode where a flower jizzes on spock and gives him feelings. and look: it's really funny, and there's a lot to love about it. but the ending where kirk hurls verbal abuse at spock for a solid 92 seconds WITHOUT STOPPING followed by: spock beating the shit out of him until he gets his logic back. i have rewatched this perhaps 1,000 times at minimum. what the fuck were they doing

1. conscience of the king - this episode got me into this mess. i don't think i can elaborate further without significant self-incrimination. let's just say what happened was i thought "oh i'll just watch this one tos episode for context for the fanfiction" and one month later i'm writing fic about [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

ok, that's my list. i thought about doing honorable mentions for episodes that had scenes i liked even though the overall episode didn't make it into my top 10. but then i realized that would mean recapping basically the entire series and this post is already too long. i do have to give the pon farr episode a shoutout though because even though so much of it was offputting there was literally a titty window in kirk's shirt. like, it's the pon farr episode. ok NOW i'm done

[historia-vitae-magistras]

there's a bit of a cultural divide between french canada and english canada, does matthew feel like he's more one than the other? I guess the answer could be, he feels both, but then a canadian fluent and familiar with the french and british side isn't the same as one thats only the one side if you know what I mean? maybe it's just where im from but knowing french here is considered very bourgeois lmao like only the rich kids learn french and its largely to tell apart themselves from us. knowing french is our, ohh ok you went to private school, idk if its the same deal for the french side knowing english. probably not seen in the same epitome of class and elegance lmao. but yea point is, being an '''allrounder'' is kinda indicative of class, but matthews meant to represent everyone, so where does he fall on that scale?

The vast majority of Anglo conceptions about French or any language are the hangover of the British Empire speaking. People see bilingualism as something posh people get at posh people's schools. Some French Canadians see English in the same way. But most bilingual people are bilingual because they didn't really have a choice. Language can be indicative of class with educational access, but it's not inherently tied to it.

Given the tying of life span to history in Hetalia, I think there would be a specific attachment given to French as it would be one of Matt's first languages given the nature of the French Empire in Canada before the conquest and auction. And given the demographics of Canada, Matt doesn't have a choice but to be both. He's born to both; he'll die as both, and it's not a weakness. Government bilingualism made bilingualism a trait of the political class. Multiculturalism in this country was born legally because when the French Canadians were such a pain in the ass and forced Anglos to give them rights, other groups, especially Ukrainian, Japanese and Chinese Canadians in the west of Canada, followed. But it's been with us from the very beginning. The first people we might call 'Canadians' were the children of French trappers and indigenous women, something you can still see in the demographics of French Canada. They would have been bilingual as a fact of life.

All these divisions are constructs created by nationalism, capitalism, and empire, not just inherent born and natural things. We made, subverted and changed them every day. He's both and more. It's not an inherently alienating thing. People live, breathe, and love in two languages.

Born French, first language French, but that doesn't make someone incompatible with the anglosphere? There are a lot of people who have French as their first language, and Anglos are absolutely shocked and make weird comments, 'but you're normal!' I don't think Matt would be alien from French or English by being both. Kind of shitty to suggest anyone who's both will never fit anywhere and can't understand a culture by being partially outside of it. People bleed, people love, people live their lives. Class affects people outside of the Anglo world. Culture, language and class isn't a zero-sum game

[astronnova]

response to @imminent-danger-came from this post!!!! thank you for replying mwehehehehehehehehehehe

#DAMN#IT'S TRUE#people need to accept that shadowpeach is a fucked up an' unhealthy ship (that maybe can get better) and that's okay! that's why I like 'em

yes this is SO true so true so true. their dynamic is so warped and bonkers and thats why i loooove it. its about the obsession. its about the guilt. the tragedy. its about the unstoppable force vs immovable object and how they cant stop coming back to eachother. im normal, i swear

#''azure and lbd were kinda the same just different execution'' YEAH. HMMM PARALLELS.

i love parallels i love it when writing does this i love feeling the overarching theme tie into every part of the story i love storytelling

#macaque and azure are also the same with their Wukong abandonment arcs. Foil MK that way. It fucking rules

this too. im a big fan of how bonkers azure and macaque are for wukong and also how mk is so open to subconsciously absorbing others ways of thinking that he just internalizes that too. these guys......... its okay that wukong has other things going on u guys......... its okay.......

#I will say. On one hand yeah oh my fucking god the fandomization of Macaque is so fucking terrible. This post is so right#On the other: I think Wukong very much did abandon macaque first lol#But they abandoned each other (It's why MK and Mei not doing so is 👌👌👌👌👌)

hard agree about the fandomization of macaque, it reeeeeeks. let him be an awful bastard

ok this has me curious! id love to know when wukong abandons macaque first, cause i personally can't think of the time he does that. (i know tone is hard to come across via text so i want to make it clear im being 100% genuine here).

based on all the time we know wukong left macaque, he always came back to him and his intentions for leaving were to protect macaque and the monkeys on flower fruit mountain. when he left to train with subodhi, he came back after his training. we also never see macaque show any disdain for this or claim that was wukong abandoning him with the action.

then, wukong goes to the celestial realm and works as the stable boy before he gets super drunk and petty and then goes back to flower fruit mountain. macaque never shows any anger over this either, so i don't think that's abandonment.

after, wukong and the brotherhood attack the celestial realm and wukong is captured and put into the furnace and then forced under the mountain. i don't think wukong's capture counts as abandonment, especially since wukong makes it super clear that he does not want to be under that rock.

originally i thought macaque didn't know about wukong's capture like azure and the others, which could be a reasonable conclusion for him to come to; that wukong abandoned him for the celestials, but we know that macaque knows wukong was captured. macaque even visits him under the mountain. that's when macaque severs their ties and leaves wukong trapped.

also yes........ yes..!!! mk & mei are the wukong & macaque narrative parallels.... i love storytelling

#And I think like. Why should Macaque have to bail Wukong out and put himself in danger with all of heaven because of what Wukong chose to do

its less about "macaque having to bail wukong out and indanger himself over wukong's problems" but more of like, wukong and macaque did the exact same thing, which was attacking the celestial realm. that's why wukong got caught. it's not just macaque, azure, peng, bull king and yellowtusk have some sort of moral responsibility in a way to at least try to help wukong, because all of their combined actions led to wukong taking the punishment for all of them.

i mean, sure, macaque has no reason or responsibility to bail wukong out if you look at it from that scene alone, with the "you dont owe anyone anything" mindset. but considering the other things we know, like how macaque was apart of the attack and supported wukong and fought along side him, there's a bit of a moral obligation to help wukong out since macaque's apart of the reason why wukong was captured.

#This post almost has the opposite problem of ''Wukong is villainzied while Macaque is a baby boy'' like#Wukong wasn't a good person either (they both suck(ed))#But he changed

HAHA lol sorry, that wasnt my intent. i want to make it clear that yeah, wukong wasnt a good person either! but i think the major distinction is that he wasnt a good person, past tense. in the show currently, wukong's a pretty alright guy, and the journey to the west helped him grow into a better person. i jsut feel it isn't necessary to mention wukong's terrible traits from the past because they arent... relevant to him in the current tense. that, along with the fact that the fandom keeps bringing it up, im focused more on mentioning macaque's terrible actions instead of wukong's because macaque is still acting that way while wukong grew as a person hundreds of years before canon. no reason to mention the terrible past of someone who's already made up for it, that kind of thing.

and your right! he changed, and thats good! my main point is that macaque didnt, but the fandom loves to act like he did.

#''We can't change who we were yesterday or in a past life or a hundred lifetimes ago! We live with the choices we've made for what-#-matters is the choices we make right now!''#Like yeah obviously Macaque was biased. (He says so himself: ''Everyone is the hero of their own story'')

yep ^

#But Macaque also steps in in s2 because Wukong LITERALLY abandoned MK chasing after another source of power.

i feel like thats a misinterpretation of season 2 and wukong's actions, because the reason wukong "abandons" mk is to keep mk out of danger. wukong's objective is to find a way to defeat the lady bone demon without having to drag mk into it, because he feels mk isn't ready for that kind of large battle yet. he isn't leaving mk behind to go look for more power for himself, he's leaving mk in a safe place while he goes to deal with the main threat to keep mk from getting involved. he isn't quick enough, but the point still stands.

macaque steps in and even admits in the shadow play episode that he only came by to torture mk for fun ("i was gonna do the whole watch the hero be tormented by their own mistakes thing..." is what he says, which is funny because that's really relevant to wukong's character too haha).

#SWK is making the same mistake he always has. And then MK in s2 is ALSO making that same mistake#And Macaque had to be a loser about it but it is very interesting to see it from his pov.#He steps in when MK is acting that little bit too much like Wukong in all the wrong ways. (2x07 4x09)

and you've got a point! wukong has a habit of shouldering everything himself and believing he has to be the one to fix everything, since he has the most abilities and powers out of everyone... *gestures vaguely* alive, lol. that's why he keeps secrets throughout s2-3, because the way he deals with large scale threats is by keeping his cards close to his chest. given his past, i don't blame him

so true, too, cause mk's going down that path of self isolation like wukong has already done. mk's trying to spare his friends from his "burdens" (his trauma with lbd in s2 and his trauma from azure lion and the scroll in s4) and by doing so he shuts down and keeps to himself. macaque interprets this as him "abandoning his friends", but that's because macaque's a projector LOL. we already know he does that constantly. i find it interesting too, cause macaque is somehow the most empathetic person in the cast but uses that as a way to drag people down to his level, its rlly fun. i like macaque a lot

i'll be real, i don't think macaque steps in because he genuinely wants to help mk, it's more like he sees mk (season 2 specifically here) as a smaller, weaker wukong that he can actually punch around. he knows if he tried to mess with the real wukong he'd get his ass handed to him, so he goes for the easier target. in season 4, his perspective is different but it still isn't 100% in mk's favor. and also imma be real his advice was butt booty dog water bHKBHADBHKAHAH

side note that im not able to articulate that well because its late but it moderately fits this topic: macaque uses shadow play as partially a way to continue placing doubt in mk's mind about wukong. macaque has a vendetta, and so he thinks everyone else should hate wukong too, no matter how wukong acts now. macaque practically refuses to accept wukong's changed because that would mean macaque would have to self reflect and realize that he isnt all that like he acts like he is. he's very self righteous and tries to put down mk while also placing doubt and manipulating mk into disliking and not trusting wukong. he does this like every chance he gets in season 3, also

#But maybe I think in general that ''antagonist'' is a better word to describe macaque rather than villain

sure! i can agree, mostly s4 and up, but in s1-3 he fits the bill for villain too, imo

#Anyways me on team ''Wukong and Macaque both hurt each other in equally fucked up ways'': my totally unbiased imp opinion#''Wukong was on a path of self-destruction. We all were.''#MY PERSONAL INTERPRETATION: MK is to Macaque what the Monk was to Wukong.

oh yeah i agree, wukong and macaque are such a tragic duo because of all those centuries of baggage, and they've hurt eachother so much intentionally and unintentionally. its great, i love it

"wukong was on a path of self-destruction. we all were" that phrase caught my attention big time because up until those point macaque had like no remorse for anything he'd done, so it was super interesting having him say that to mk. i was like. what da hell, macaque redemption arc REAL!?!??!?!?! im interested to see where they take macaque! he's the most likely to get that redemption tbh he's got all the flags

also i think that's a pretty cool way to look at it, and i def see what you mean. mk's good nature and desire to help rubbing off on macaque when wukong's couldn't is a very cool way to look at things, and also it slots into canon very nicely. macaque won't listen to wukong, mainly because they're so connected and all those centuries of baggage (six eared "i want the old wukong back and i also blame him for everything that goes wrong" macaque), but having someone new who also has some stake in their lives (wukongs successor) be the one to tell him Stop Being Weird and having it work, its very interesting.

#LMK is very much a show about everyone dealing with the world in their own way.#Some open noodle shops. Some try to create a clean slate. Others want to leave the world better than they found it#And Macaque was very much just in survival mode trying not to die while also trying to get back at Wukong#''Look out for number one'' like that's how he coped with the world/how he saw it.#And MK kind of up-ended that point of view. 3x10 was THE time to abandon Mei yet MK refused to

so true! lego monkie kid's s1-3 message of the world being fine just the way it is because there's good people in it is what made me fall in love with the series at first. and also how it shows how people live their lives and keep moving despite the hardships of the world is very nice. me like. and yeah! macaque's "look out for number one" mentality is very nice and i like how that fits into his and wukongs characters. its very night and day (HA get it). wukong tries to look out for everyone else while macaque is only interested in looking out for himself. its cool , i like that. especially because it relates back to their original versions in the original story, where macaque represents the dark desires of the mind like his selfishness and spitefulness and wukong kills him as a sign of overcoming those desires and instead choosing the path towards enlightenment and doing good for others and the world.

macaque has a habit of forming full opinions and thoughts on people without properly knowing them and then sticking to those thoughts for the rest of time, not considering their ability to grow and change. mk constantly makes him have to come to terms with the fact that he is wrong and its so awesome. especially because we all know daaamn well that he saw himself in the "mei is my best friend, im not going to leave her when she needs me!" moment. its really good

#So strange to me people think they can't like villains. I'm assuming it's more than just the kids/teens in the fandom

yeah its super wild. a lot of ppl (esp in this fandom, i havent seen it this bad since like voltron i think and i wasnt even apart of that fandom) believe that to like a villain there has to be some reason why the character is secretly "the good guy" or something, because if they like a straight up bad guy then it means theyre a bad person, when in reality its just relating to the conflicts that those "bad guys" represent and stuff. idk its wild out here i have never seen people jump through so many hoops to justify why they like a villain. they dont have to be secret good people, they can be bad and you can like them because of that. like, one of my fav characters from modern cartoons is emperor belos from the owl house and that guy is like basically pure evil LOL

i'll answer your other tags tomorrow! i am very tired and it is past midnight for me. snoozing at my desk, almost

[m00ngbin]

hi dunmeshi 4 the ask game :]]]]]]]]]]]]]

YAYYYTTYY I LOVE DUNGEON MESHI ARGAHJAISJFNSOFJSISJF

Fav female character: I think namari probably. She is so incredibly cool and ik I mostly just know stuff from the point that the anime's at, but already she's my favorite. Actually she's tied with Izutsumi, both of them have captivated me in different ways. With izutsumi it's like the fight to be seen as human and the struggle with her identity and her total independence growing into something that allows her to rely on people when she needs to while still letting her be independent has captivated me. With Namari it's moreso how skilled she is and how she knows what she wants and also that she DOES care about Falin, but she also understands her situation and what the consequences will be if she up and leaves. WE DONT GET A LOT OF HER SO THIS IS JUST BASED OFF OF WHAT IVE SEEN AND REMEMBER, but I think she's really cool

Fav male character: Chilchuck. I like a union man, what can I say. Dude for the guy with one of the most normal lives and backstories, he's also the most cagey with every single detail about his life. I like that in a guy (joke) I think he's neat and I like the whole thing with his family. Saying that I LIKE the whole thing with his family is weird actually because it's kind of miserable, but I think they're really interesting. Also his daughters are really cool. Also also chilchuck is tied with thistle, but I'm only thinking of this at the end of typing and Im getting a migraine so UNFORTUNATELY I will not be telling you why I like him atm

My fav season + episode: there's only one season so far so I have to say season 1, but my favorite episode is the changeling one just bc I thought it was a really neat insight into how the different builds and body types of the different kinds of human would affect different common tasks, even just ones like sitting down. Also it was cool seeing them as different races. Elf senshi

My fav cast member: yk this prompt never works with anything unless it's live action. Uh I love chilchuck's va for a lot of reasons. Homestuck

A character I'd die defending: THISTLE. IDC IDC IM ON THE FRONT LINES ONCE AGAIN. DEFENDING HIM TO MY LAST BREATH HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME

A character i just can't sympathize with: that bitchass lion

A character I grew to love: believe it or not but I HATED Yad when he first showed up. I thought he was going to do something, I thought everything was going to go horribly wrong and he would betray them somehow. But no he's just a kidadult trying to run a kingdom full of immortal people that can't ever leave and can't even taste anything because being immortal has taken away all of the little joys they have. He's ok

My anti otp: I don't think I have one other than the obvious. I saw someone say that the winged lion and laios should've fucked and I don't really have anything to say about that. Maybe they should've, idk. Idk why I brought it up it just stuck out to me

[windalchemist001]

Wondertober 2024 - Day 26: shooting star

Ocs: chaim al-asim

Npc: Sakhr Qadir, Irfan

Chaim was sitting outside, it was dangerous, but he had his mask off. The wind was blowing his hair and to be honest he felt at peace. The night sky with stars seemed to go on for ages, they were far enough from the city that stars and moon were the only real light. Well minus the lamps that would be on in the hideout (not that he could see them from here.)

Sitting on top of the rock formation that held many caverns that they used as hide out away from the city and one of the few places where you can find shade for miles. Or light a fire with out being spotted. Which was why chaim was sure no one should see him.

Taking a deep breath he moved to lay down. He wondered if this was how the original king of thevies felt, having the freedom to do what he wants but at the same time not really for the responsibility of keeping an eye on others was his job. But he knows he was doing the right thing, he just had to be the best person he could.

Closing his eyes he could pertented that nothing was wrong with the world and that he wasn't living a lie of some sorts. Oh how long for freedom, to do anything and everything he wants, but the chains of his family still hold him, and honestly he can't think of just abandoning his mother alone in that house, the thought sort of made his stomach turn.

His mother being the only reason why he hadn't just completely cut ties to the rest of his family, and made his whole life running his little band of thevies. Maybe if he had he could have reform them a bit better, but its nothing something he hasn't been able to do a few guys he manged to be normal members of society, but their is always new people to take into the fold.

Though their are a few people who are harder to help than others. Sighing softly he wonder if he'll mange to help everyone. Foolish as a hope that is, still didn't mean he couldn't want it. His mind went to a certain pain in his ass second.

How can someone be both untrustworthy and a good ally. He wasn't fully sure. But at the same time his second was sort of the poor opposite of his retainer. To the point he begin to wonder if they would hate each other or be friends. And while it would be interesting for them to meet the headache that would cause seems not to even be worth it.

Sighing deeply he wonder if one day if he could help sakhr change into a better person, than maybe the other would be able to be a happier person.

Another sigh and he open his eyes the stars still twinked in the sky. And he wonder if maybe he could save everyone. After zoning out for who knows how long he heard something from behind him and sat up.

Irfan moved to fly behind him while he moved to put on his hat and mask before turning to see what was going on. And it seems that the very person he had been thinking of seemed to appear.

With a bit of a whistle Irfan return to him and he gave the bird a little scratch. As it landed on his shoulder. The malenhe had been thinking about seemed to have manged to get up here. Connecting to Irfan to speak he begin to talk.

"/sakhr, what are you doing here? Or rather how did you get up here since I doubt you were able to just climb up here./" though when the other male didn't say anything he moved closer tilting his head as he moved closer to him again he called the others name but no reaction till he chaim placed a hand on the elders arm. And he called the others voice in concern.

Though chaim with guess how close they were snapped the elder from what ever trance he was in and chiam watched him take a step back seeming to come back from what ever his thoughts were.

"/you ok old friend? You seem rather out of it./" while he was using the term rather lightly given their relationship, but he wasn't to sure what to say to the other at the moment.

"Im fine, why the underworld are you up here?" The tone was snappy and eyes narrow.

Rolling his eyes before chaim quickly scan the other. Moving closer again he made sure the other male wouldn't notice his hands Irfan moving his wings also drawing attention upwards which would allow him to snag on of the claws on sakhr's person.

"/I am just relaxing and then night sky seemed to be amazing, though from what I have heard their is meant to be a meteor shower tonight so I figure I would take a look, though from the looks of it.../" taking a few steps back he held the claw out and turn it in his hand before lightly tested its edge.

Chaim could hear and see sakhr though the side of his vision patting himself down, which made him chuckle. "/I think you're now due for some more claws, since I think you were using them incorrectly again, at this point I should just buy you climbing gear instead/" he had to muffled his own laughter since it was a bit to deep to use his familair to express.

Sakhr tried to grab the claw but he shifted so the elder wouldn't be able to grab it. "Give it back!"

"/and why should i? If i do you'll keep using them till they can't even cut a tomato or even paper./" Irfan flew off him and begin circling around them. As he continued to move about dodging the older male.

It was kind of funny how easy this was, but than again sakhr only had skills he learned on the street while chaim had years learning diffrent fighting skills both with his dagger and hand to hand, than their is also his gymnastics training, which lean into the parkour skills, so he had an advantage, but still this was still fun because he couldn't and shouldn't let his abilities go dull after all just because he had the skills doesn't mean he won't lose them sort of like the claw in his hand.

Though this isn't the only claw his second carried so he waited for the right opening and got in close and than spun using sakhr as the center he would be back to back with the other male and before returning back to the front snagged the second claw and moved a bit away from him throwing the first claw high into the air for Irfan to grab while he held on to the second and begin testing it.

"/seems you went and dulled this one as well. That settles it, you're getting climbing gear./" he hummed honestly how is that this is the thrid set hes had to replace this month! And that's not including the fact he taught the other how to sharpen the blades and yet the idoit was using them like crazy! Doesn't help hes using them on stuff he shouldn't be using the on! And he also refuses to keep them well maintained.

He step back again avoiding being grab. Though when Irfan made cry he glanced behind him noting how close to the edge he was getting so tossing the claw in hopes to detracted sakhr, chaim was hoping to get away from the edge.

What he hadn't thought was that sakhr wouldn't observe the sounding and he felt the male tackle him off the cliff. Cursing he knew the other male was stupid, but not this stupid. Grabbing onto the male with his legs, chaim attempted to reach for a magestone he kept on him.

once he pulled out the ring, he put it on and with a deep breath he closed his eyes ingoing everything the other male was doing as he held a bit tighter to the wiggle second. before opening his eyes and using a wind spell to slow their fall, only once he thought he was safe did he let go of then other male and used said male as a spring board to do a flip so when he hit the ground it was on his feet

Sakhr on the other hand seemed to hit the ground on his butt. And Chaim watched as Irfan flew to his side, in which he extended his arm for the bird to land on.

His familair seemed rather worried and chaim did his best to comfort him quietly speaking to him though their link. Only pausing as sakhr seemed to be getting up with a few cursed.

"/next time dear second you should watch where you are other wise you might end up where even I can't save you./" he huffed and looked at the sky he could see a few falling stars but form this postion he wouldn't see it well, frowning he was about to start running, only to pause when sakhr stop him.

Honestly chaim found himself tuning the other out but knew he should do at least be nice. So motioning Irfan up he watched as his familair went into his room and than a magic carpet wiggled its way out of the window and lower itself so he could get on. Irfan land on his leg and got a few pets from him. "/if you want to watch than fine but do hurry, other wise we'll miss everything./"

Sakhr seemed to roll his eyes and moved to get on though chaim found himself chuckling seeing him struggle and bit and tug the other more on before motion the carpet to fly.

The carpet knew where to take them to see the shooting stars in the perfect spot one he wouldn't have really seen from his original spot sitting on the top of their little hide out. Honestly watching the shower was amazing and stole his breath, even sakhr seemed to be silent.

Time seemed to slowly passed as he was amazed by it all. "/we.... should make a wish, for i wish for a better tomorrow./" he really did hope it would happen. Though when he heard the other male laughter he turn to the other.

"You are such a woman. If anything I'm wishing for what I know ill get. Cause I know ill take you down and take my places as the new leader and you'll have to do what I said." Sakhr laughed.

Chaim found himself rolling his eyes. "/You're going to need a lot of wishing since that isn't going to happen anytime soon./" he found himself chuckling only his laughter to be cut off as he found himself pulled back his head slaming into the others chest

"Dont let yourself get to cocky or other wise ill be the one with the big room." The smirk on his face showed that sakhr was thinking of something.

"/if you say so./" he moved to sit up not liking the odd angle of looking up at the taller male. "/just keep hoping that the stars will make our wishes come true./" chaim turn back to see the stars and just smiled softly at the sight wishing he would see the stars with someone he loved because that would be an amazing moment, but maybe this could be the changing point to change sakhr for the better, all he can do is just hope for now.

[notquitecharlie]

1/22/24

(I wrote this on paper last night or technically early this morning. Im doing a little better now. Not much but a little, I'm gonna transcribe it best I can because parts are rambly, I'm sorry)

Dear Friend,

I dont think i can do this anymore. I fucking know that I can't. I'm going back to the homeschool program that I used to do. I feel like the boy who cried wolf with every one of these letters but sometimes writing to you makes me feel ok for a little bit. I know how i'd do it. Wanna know something funny? I'm the problem! I mean that with sincerity. My parents rules aren't unrealistic. they just want me to be straight and normal. They just always want ti know who I'm with, where I am and what I'm doing and saying. It's not unrealistic. They're just caring and thats so good and ice and I'm so grateful that I have people that that that that that that care you know. It's makes me so happy. So happy. It's my fault. Isn't that silly? Are you laughing friend? I feel bad I never make you happy. You make me so happy, you're who I have and i just say sad sad sad sad fucking things alllll the time. But its funny you seem to care about me. You say nice things and you click the little heart but thats just becuase you dont know me. You care (or at least let me think you care) about some stupid 17 year old that's fucked up in the head and I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm so sorry. Why do you deal with me? I don't make anything better or nice or good. I am un-loveable. I am useless. I don't deserve to be alive. Why do you let me pretend people care? That's so kind. It's 2 a.m. I've been sitting in a corner of my bed since about 10 p.m. I haven't been reading, I've just been sitting here scared of myself. Too scared of myself to let myself get out to where the sharp things and the painkilling things are. I found this old notebook by reaching under my bed a minute ago. Imagine if someone I live with read this! That's be so silly friend. Everythings so silly. My parents said if I finish my associates degree before I'm 18 and I move out for college they won't support me or have a relationship with me. That's fair. A bit of bad timing though because I have a semester and a half of credits to complete. I'm so hungry and cold. Ha. Imagine if i died that way. I'm only 10 pounds underweight. I could be like the guy in Elevation by Stephen King and just watch it keep going down until it's time to die. That'd be funny. I don't remember the last time I felt hungry though. I don't eat much but I never get hungry either. This is odd. odd. odd. odd. odd. odd. But i can't get up and leave the bed. Writing has made it a little better but the kitchen? Where all the best things are? No. I'll be fine. I don't know what I'd eat anyways. I'm so sorry. I know it's bad to complain about hunger. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve food yet theres so much. I feel so bad about that. So bad. I hope you'll forgive me. And I don't know why I just complained about being cold when I have blankets. I'm so fucking ugrateful. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I am. I'll do better. I'll be better. I'm sorry.

Love always,

M.

[rotationalsymmetry]

Im mostly going to drop this because not all ridiculous arguments are worth engaging with. But hey. One more ridiculous argument for the road.

"It's like if someone wanted to come up with a white equivalent of transmisogynoir."

Ok, but "white woman" in a white dominant society (ie most of the people in power are white, there's a cultural history of presenting non-white people as less competent, safe, worthy of protection etc) literally means "a woman who is in the most privileged/societally default position possible in regards to race"

"Trans masc" does not mean "trans person who meets society's expectation of a normal, default trans person" or "trans person who is the most privileged sort of trans person."

Because, sure, cis men are privileged relative to cis women. (Which doesn't mean cis men have no issues special to men. Obviously they do. Men have shorter lives than women ffs. And men with other things going on -- men of color, disabled men, poor men, men with ADHD specifically, etc -- have stuff going on with that that are not automatically the same as or strictly less bad than stuff going on with women in the same situation.) But. Being trans...can't be separated from gender. A trans masc is generally speaking someone who used to move through the world as a woman, and for some trans mascs (like you know, me) still does.

And it's fucking wild to be told "oh, the second you decided your gender wasn't strictly uncomplicatedly just a woman, you became just as privileged as a cis man." That's got nothing to do with reality.

And I mean, I think there's room for nuance there. I think there's room for going huh, maybe I was resistant to some self image stuff that people who uncomplicatedly identify as a woman get. That's pretty cool! But it's not going to affect like my income. Or whether I got my ass squeezed by a stranger walking home from work that one time. Or whether I got sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend. Or whether I had extra medical needs in my late 20's due to a series of abnormal Pap smears. Or whether an ability to get pregnant has very much affected my relationship to sex. Etc etc.

And again, yeah, in some ways it would make more sense to call both things transmisogyny! But I don't think the people who hate the term transmisandry would actually be any happier about that.

As far as I can tell, what they actually want is a nice clean model of reality where they can always tell which group has more privilege than which other group. (So that they can always "elevate the more marginalized voices" and I guess just not ever listen to the people they've pre-decided are more privileged?) Which is...not a good understanding of privilege. And is really bad for people's ability to admit they have more to learn.

As a side note, if you were going to do some sort of riff on misogynoir, it would make more sense to go with black men than white women. But there's a whole history there that I don't actually know enough about to start expounding on, you know? I just see pieces. Black men being seen as dangerous in a way that consistently puts them in danger, and which is very much tied up with the prison industrial complex, and how that in turn also hurts black women, who tend to be stuck with all the childcare and none of the financial support, and with providing all the emotional support for a partner or son or brother or father who's been deliberately isolated from his community. And white feminist circles in the 70's being sure that they didn't have to worry about black women because something about "matriarchy" and black women having a lot of relative power within black communities? I think in retrospect it was just blatant "ugh we don't want to have to care about you at all."

I wonder how many people throwing around misogynoir as a comparison even understand what it means or whether they think it means "black women have strictly worse issues than white women" like, the whole point is that if your misogyny model of the world is based exclusively on white women's data, you're going to be missing stuff.

The point is, listen to more people.

Don't ever assume you know what someone else's issues are. Don't ever assume you're done understanding how the world works.

Anyways, in Meyers-Briggs terms I'm a Perciever if you couldn't tell, and I realize settling into models of the world is important at some point to do things. "There is a strict hierarchy of privilege and marginalization, and it's this:" is the wrong model. "Different people have different issues, there are certain patterns of some people's issues getting ignored more than other issues, it's good to look around for ways to counter that and also if marginalized people work together we're more likely to get what we want" is a good model. I like grounding it in class, that thing that US Americans hate talking about but which explains so much, but I don't think people strictly have to do that especially when they're putting anti-capitalism in the center of the wheel in its place. And for me there also a very strong "people forcing other people to do things is bad, more freedom/autonomy is better" and I don't actually know how you can even come to the conclusion that trans people -- that self-identification -- is a real thing without that.

This privilege/marginalization stuff doesn't exist so people can get "most oppressed" prizes. It exists as a conceptual tool to help us get things we want in the real world. Doctors who use our pronouns, and who know how to recognize medical conditions showing up on dark skin and who don't reflexively dismiss women's health complaints or assume black people don't feel pain as badly. Anti-discrimination laws. Trans women who get arrested getting to be in women's prisons and not men's prisons. (I mean, better to not have prisons at all, but one step at a time.) Higher minimum wage or UBI or both. In the US, student loan forgiveness, free higher education going forwards, and universal health care. Neighborhoods where you don't have to drive to get to the nearest grocery store or hardware store. Disability payments where you can save money or get married without losing your only source of income. A world where non-standard pronouns are normalized and kids grow up knowing they don't have to stick with the gender their parents told them they were. A world where people can walk down the street with any gender presentation holding hands with anyone of any gender presentation and not be in danger. A world where black people and disabled people don't have to worry they'll be shot dead just for existing in public, a world where black people and disabled people can thrive and life full long lives surrounded by a community that values our lives. A world where trans people of any age can get appropriate health care without obnoxious, hostile laws interfering, a world where people who want kids can have them and those who don't have easy access to birth control and abortion.

It's not about being right on the internet. It's about a world that's good to live in. And our main enemies aren't people who are marginalized in slightly different ways or people whose understanding of which groups are most marginalized are slightly different. Our enemies are people who hate all trans people, who hate all queer people, who want white people to be in charge and people of color to be subordinated or possibly be somewhere else entirely or dead. That doesn't mean we can't have our disagreements, some intracommunity conflict is normal and healthy and frankly inevitable. But...we should be seeing it as conflict, as disagreement, between people who are basically on the same side, not do the things terfs do and go "oh, wow, these other women are the main problem, no we can't possibly ally against the enforcers of patriarchy, here's the real enemy."

[amar4t-exe]

Un-mother

This pain within has been nurturing

ever since I was born

hindering all my functioning

leaving my heart torn.

How blind have I been?

How stupid I was to believe this time things would be different.

How naive and unseen

Trying to salvage something it was never my responsibility to heal.

Yet here I am, pouring my heart out

between stanzas and painful memories

Trying to not eat my brains out

by figuring where, and when everything turned in a washed out allegory.

Does she hates me?

Does she even like me?

Does she even listens?

Would she love me if I turned into her vision?

What can I do?

Nothing. It's too late.

Is there something to salvage?

No. Her love isn't for me,

she doesn't love wreckages like me.

I tried to be normal, by any standards

So I could bathe into her warmth

like my siblings, but I only know wrath.

I've been molded to feel the slaughter.

Sadness has made me so weary and heavy.

yet my sleeping escapes my head

It forces me to think and relive things that are everything but steady

Bringing back all those remembrances I long to bury.

She doesn't like me. Neither my curls.

She doesn't like me. Neither my dresses

She hates my existence, and my stomach churns.

I wanna leave, since she dislikes my presence.

My mother, abhors me.

My mother, she hurts me.

My mother, her words cut me

My own mother, she regrets me.

But how do I explain her that I regret being born?

How can I say I wished I never left her womb?

As it was warmer than her whole being?

When everything she does is from my poor yet genuine affection, fleeing?

The supreme witness above knows I've tried

But I can't reach her anymore.

Too busy trying to survive in a grown up world I was never prepared for.

My hands and heart by her hands, are tied.

I was the best, until I wasn't.

Her silence a punishment, for my little cries.

I was loving, until she made sure for me to dream about leaving. And a little I died.

But to her, is indifferent, even pleasant.

Is it ok to not love your mother?

Is it messed up to feel at ease when she'd be gone?

Is it ok to not feel. empathetic towards her?

Cause I don't feel it anywhere, not even in my bones.

They're tired to beg for love crumbs, yet they keep my starved belly full.

They're tired to wither away, yet I cheer up as soon as she basks me in, getting me away from the burning sun's dull.

They're tired of feeling the hard numb, but at least I am feeling something.

I think it's time to follow my own way, even if I'm condemned to feel that abandonment sting.

Im ready to wear and carry my burdens.

Away from this broken nest I was bred

Away from asking myself if I am enough to blend in

hoping my love and affection are properly nurtured and fed.

[astronomodome]

ok so i can't actually confirm this cause i can't find the damn post about it, but i'm pretty sure the clock that bdubs gets from scar that prompts him to kill impulse at the end of third life is the exact same clock that scar gave bdubs during the first session that had just traded hands like four times throughout the series. like, it was already bdubs' clock and i'm Super Normal about that already, but ESPECIALLY after limited life. because in the last episode, cleo and scar are debating whether or not bdubs is loyal to them or etho (and ties), and cleo's like "oh, it's not a big deal, we can just give him a clock and he's on our side". bdubs objects and says that he already has a clock that impulse gave him. cleo takes the clock and renames it "Momma's Favorite Son" and gives it back, and bdubs has it on him when impulse fucking kills him and IF I THINK TOO HARD ABOUT IMPULSE AND BDUBS AND CLOCKS IM GONNA EXPLODE!

oghhhhhh im gonna have to confirm this later but ahhhhhhhh

its about being killed by the people you swore to protect its about found family and what that means its about old alliances and not being able to go home again and loyalty and trying your very best and still coming up short

if you ask bdubs about impulse he'll talk about the mid-century modern house and the pool and the horses but if you ask impulse about bdubs he'll talk about that day by the moat and the way the arrows felt in his back and the bitter taste of betrayal in the back of his throat

but they'll both talk about a clock.

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

Matchup Commission: Petal Style Ok! It’s been a while since I’ve sent any matchup requests lol. Anyways! Id like this one to be with Hríd! I’m 18, INTP, Libra, and 5’2. I’m a cis (at least I think so?) bi girl. Usually I’m very easygoing to the point of being a bit lazy, but when I’m drawing or working on something I tend to hyper focus for hours on end until it’s done. It’s pretty self destructive but I can’t really be productive otherwise. Im pretty outgoing despite being VERY depressed and I love meeting new people! I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic and loyal to a fault. I consider myself very sex positive but I’m overall pretty vanilla, save for having a thing for praise and being tied up. My hobbies, besides fencing, are mostly art (visual and musical) related— I needle felt, embroider, draw, sing, sculpt, you name it! I just can’t paint. I was classically trained as a kid in piano and clarinet. I also like collecting perfumes (and my friends say that I can be a bit pretentious about it). My body is pretty frail from being unathletic as hell and having POTS, and I’m often very fatigued. This leads to me taking a LOT of naps and sleeping in whenever I can. I take great care of my appearance and how I dress! Either im too lazy to put on anything other than pajamas or I go the whole nine yards and decide I have to be the best looking person in the room. I like the finer things in life but I often worry that it makes me seem greedy or selfish. High fashion, classical art, orchestral performances, formal events, and fine jewelry are all things I’d love to have or go to often but I’m a broke college kid so I have to settle for viewing from a distance. My love languages are gifts and words of affirmation! I hope this was enough, thank you in advance <3

Okay first off, mood at the cis(?) because me too girl. Secondly I think you and Hrid are going to get on famously. Ohh, I can just see it now... (Third, special note: I'm doing this a little different then some match ups I have in the past but I think it will come out better!)

It's a cold, dark winters night... One where you would normally find yourself wanting to curl into bed and sleep or enjoy a simple hobby like felting or needling... But there's an impromptu performance the heroes are putting on in the music hall, and you don't want to miss it, or a chance to put on something nicer than your usual summoners cloak! So you dress yourself in something nice, but not too crazy, this is just for fun after all! But you can't help but indulge in your finer taste a little. Still, you're ready in record time and eager to dance and play with the heroes!

It's as you're making way to the lovely music, considering dancing a bit or even joining the heroes playing instruments that you're hit by a sudden bout of fatigue; you're wobbly in your heels for a second, arms out to support yourself on the nearby wall but someone comes in your aid. Vision still a little blurred as you support yourself in their arms, you mummer a thank you as you take in their sent. It's subtle, but they smell like pine and mint.

"Summoner, are you alright?" You blink once as you look up at him. As your eyes meet, something just... clicks. It's like meeting for the first time again as your heart starts pumping. He looks so concerned for you, blue eyes solely trained on yours... It's a look, you realize, you could easily get lost in.

For Hrid, though, this crush has been festering in him for far too long... He always admired you on a surface level, for what you did for him and his family but it wasn't until he got to know you more did he realize just to what extent that went to. He fell hard and fast for you, from how hard you pushed yourself for your work and passions, to even with your disabilities you still tried to enjoy yourself.

When you respond to him "I'm alright Hird, since you caught me." With a warm smile is that he knows he can't let you leave his arms without telling you how he feels. Everything just feels so perfect in this moment, he can't help but let the words tumble from his lips.

"I love you." His words are warm and soft and genuine, but in that moment Hrid realizes his mistake as your eyes widen.

Thankfully, it all ended up alright; you feel the same of course, and after some teasing on his behalf the night ended up even better then you could hope; with Hrid by your side.

As I said, this is admiration that turned into genuine love. Hrid, I think, is the kind of person that doesn't really go searching for a love or romance. If anything, it catches him off guard and he has a hard time coming to terms with it. He's just dense in that way, I suppose! With you though, he couldn't stop it...

You're quite opposite in that way, being a hopeless romantic yourself! Once Hrid realized his feeling though, knowing how you are, he wanted to make things sweet and romantic when he confessed to you... the fact that it happened on accident because he got so overwhelmed of his feelings for you still haunts him!

But when he gets to cuddle up with you on a day where you're particularly tired, or when he gets to indulge in fencing with you, or when you share your love of perfume or high fashion or jewerly with him with that sweet genuine smile on his face... There's nowhere he'd rather be then with you.

That said, he might try to coddle you. He just worries! Just remind him that, while you do appreciate his help that you're also more then capable of taking care of yourself. He just wants you to know that he can take care of you (he's the eldest and the only boy he feels like he has to take care of absolutely everyone he loves). Turn the tables and take care of him! His love languages are acts of service and quality time, so while he'll certainly learn yours to indulge you (the kind of guy to see something you like and buy it before really thinking about it) and treat him too!

All and all, I see this as the kind of relationship that's warm and soft. Communication shouldn't be an issue but the two of you may have troubles sharing your burdens with one another, so don't be afriad to talk about them! You may have to corner and catch Hrid off guard for him to do the same (this is mister "I can carry everyones burdens" after all) but he can't bare to lie or hide things from you.