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fangirlfics · 3 years ago

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Trouble Sleeping (Loki x reader)

I swear if this deletes for a third time Im gonna cry

KINDA A SLOW BURN BOIS

also I didn’t finish reading it over for mistakes bc I’m lazy

summary: y/n and Loki used to be very close friends and sometimes when she had bad nightmares he’d use his magic to calm her mind, a few years have passed and they’ve grown apart. Her nightmares come back and hesitantly she seeks Loki’s help again

word count: 3,592 wahahahaha

y/n leaned over one of the balconies that overlooked the kingdom’s private garden. The weather was perfect, the temperature ideal, sky blue, and the plants were all thriving feet below her. Despite the scenery however y/n’s attention was fixated elsewhere.

Down in the depths of the garden, propped up on one of the fancy golden benches was the youngest Asgardian prince-Loki. His dark raven hair was combed back as he turned to the next page in his novel, the cover matching the shade of green displayed on his clothes. y/n couldn’t help but sigh as she watched the handsome prince, they had once had an unbreakable bond. It was always Loki and y/n-best friends, one wouldn’t be seen without the other. But somewhere among their late teenage years, Loki had become more cold and distant towards y/n-leaving her alone in the giant halls of the castle to wander alone. That’s when her and Thor’s relationship grew stronger-she had always been friends with the God of Thunder but after her and Loki’s relationship crumbled to pieces he was there to cheer her up.

“Oh there you are!” Thor’s voice boomed-pulling y/n from her daydream. y/n glanced once more at Loki before turning her attention to her tall friend. “I was looking for you!” He beamed.

“What can I do for you, your highness?” y/n asked with a playful voice.

Thor smiled, putting his hands together before continuing, “I was hoping that you would join me and-” his words faded as he glanced down to the gardens and caught sight of Loki. y/n’s attention soon turned to the railing in front of her as she traced her fingers along it’s smooth surface. “You still watch him.” Thor told her, his normally enthusiastic voice was now dry and serious. “How long have you been thinking of him?”

y/n furrowed her eyebrows, playing with her fingers. “I never stopped.” She confessed, “I know it’s foolish but I can’t help it, I..miss him more than I can even begin to explain.”

Thor was silent as he watched the girl glance back down at the gardens then to the sky. “Let’s go...horseback riding.” He suggested, getting y/n attention. “To lift your spirits, we can go with Sif a-”

“No.“ y/n blurted out, “nobody else-I don’t want to embarrass myself again by falling off my horse.“

Thor chuckled, “nobody is going to think low of you-” he looked at y/n once more sensing her silent plea ”very well then, just us.” He agreed, making her smile.

“Thank you.” She laughed, giving him a hug. It caught Thor by surprise but he then loosely wrapped his arms around y/n in return. “Thank you for everything,” y/n whispered, “really, I don’t know what’d I’d do without you. I’m blessed to have a friend like you.”

“Of course.”

Neither of the two friends noticed that down in the gardens Loki clenched his jaw, snapping his book shut and silently retreated to his room-they also didn’t notice the pair of blue eyes staring through the window at them, when they returned laughing on horseback.

_____________________________________________________________

There was fire everywhere, thick black smoke made it impossible for her to breath. She was choking-desperate for air. She fell to the ground as the fire closed in quickly-it’s heat trapping her in the room. There was no hope, no help was coming and it was impossible to escape, with a loud crack the ceiling caved in leaving her trapped screaming out as the furious flames burned her alive.

y/n woke up with a start, beads of sweat lined her forehead although her room was cool and she found that her hands were shaking. Realizing it was just a dream she lied back down, covering her face with her hands as she tried desperately to fall back asleep. She got no more sleep that night.

The same thing happened again in the coming days and three days later while in training, y/n who was running on less than four hours of sleep was doing rather well. In one quick movement she jumped up-kicking the sword right out of Fandral’s grip.

“Very good!” Volstagg commented from across the room.

“Yes.” Fandral agreed, “show me that move and I’ll show you some of mine.” He winked.

“Just give me a time and place.” y/n responded playfully, earning a laugh.

“Impressive.” Fandral commented at her response. (she normally responded to his joke flirting with an eye roll)

“Yes impressive.” Loki commented from behind Fandral. “That y/n can apparently chase after two men at once.” He said this while staring casually at Thor. Sif went stiff inder the tension and Thor opened his mouth but y/n spoke first.

“I’m sorry?”

“Well by the looks of it, you can’t seem to decide between Thor and-”

“Brother that’s enough.” Thor warned, taking a step forward.

“I’m just putting out a warning, you do know what they say about these sort of things.” Loki remarked, not meeting her eyes.

“You know full well that I am not chasing after anyone.” y/n said, growing aggravated.

“It sure seems that way.”He then opened the door to the room and left.

“You know what?” y/n responded, dropping her sword to the ground with a loud clang “I am tired of this.”

“y/n I think it best if you ignore him.” Sif spoke up, “nobody is accusing you of anything, we all know you aren’t that sort of person-”

“Thank you Sif, but I am not taking this.“ y/n exited the room in pursuit of Loki, who was a few paces ahead of her walking calmly.

“I don’t like being followed.“ He simply called out to her, because his room was only about a minute walk away from the training room he reached it fairly quickly.

“What is your problem?“ y/n asked him, putting her foot in between the door and it’s frame as Loki was about to shut it.

“I don’t have a problem, now if you’d excuse me I’d like you to leave me alone.“

“Then leave me alone.” She huffed, “hold your silvertongue and stop acting as if you’re above me because you’re not.”

“Is that all?“ He asked her calmly, “you’re done with your childish tantrum?”

“Oh you are so-“ y/n narrowed her eyes.

“So what?“ Loki asked with an eye roll.

“Terrible.“ y/n blurted, earning a cold laugh from the God of Mischief.

“So I’ve been told.“ He stated bored.

“No, I mean you’re really terrible and for so many reasons.”

“Such as?“

“You want a list?“ y/n asked with a bitter laugh, “ok well you think you’re better than everyone and you’re not, you poke fun at other people because it’s amusing to you and-and everyone-I mean everyone thinks that you’re a snake, ever since we were younger, and I can’t believe I’m just now realizing that..they’re probably right.“ He swallowed hard furrowing his eyebrows, “you used to be my best friend Loki, I’d defend you from people’s accusations when you weren’t around and..I wasted my time because you are everything people say you are and worst.“ She saw the look in his eye, she hurt him-good now he understood how it felt.

Loki glanced away-looking down at the girl again. “Is that all?” He asked, trying desperately to remain collected. y/n scoffed. “You may think you know me but I know you much more, don’t forget, I’ve been inside your head. People may think I’m a bad person but I can live with that, you on the other hand can’t stand the fact that someone might not like you, so much so that you’ll break down about it. You’re a weak fighter, you’re not as clever or as witty as you seem to think, and frankly I don’t understand the fascination Thor seems to have with you, you’re nothing special.”

y/n pulled her foot from the doorway. What happened to us? She was about to cry and she did not want him seeing that. “Is that all?” She asked, reciting his previous question.

“Yes.“ He spat coldly.

“Good.“ She turned to walk away as Loki stayed in his place trying to keep the impression that he didn’t care.

Late at night y/n tossed and turned in her bed, trying to fall asleep after waking up from a particularly realistic dream-she had thought that by laying still she’d trick her body into falling asleep but that didn’t happen. She knew that she had been able to power through the last few days with almost no sleep-but she’d certainly crash if she didn’t get any sleep soon. The thought of making a visit to Loki for help came to her mind, but she really didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing she wanted/needed his help. Screw it. She thought after another couple of hours, her clock read 2:35 as she swung her legs over her bed and slipped on her slippers and robe.

The halls were dark and empty except for the occasional guards, which she was careful to avoid (she didn’t want to raise any suspicion). Thank God her room was only a three minute walk from Loki’s. It was once she was already in front of Loki’s door that she started getting second thoughts, but she was there already and the worst that could happen was getting the door slammed in her face or no answer. She raised her cold knuckle, letting it hover over the door’s fine wood before knocking. “It’s y/n..” She announced barely above a whisper, “trust me I really don’t want to ask for your help but I see no other option an-”

The door opened a small crack. “you do realize what time it is, right?” Loki’s annoyed voice asked-he didn’t sound like he had just woken up, maybe he was having trouble sleeping also.

“I know.” At her response Loki opened the door wider, revealing himself in a pair of emerald colored pajamas. “Look I know-” at the sound of approaching footsteps (guards) Loki stepped aside, giving her a cue to get in. She did, turning to face him one he closed the door again-his back facing the door he put his hands on his hips.

“What do you want?”

“I can’t sleep.” She said sheepishly, “I just-I’m getting the same nightmares again and I thought that maybe just this once you could, you know..” She put hands up, wiggling her fingers to imitate magic.

Loki rolled his eyes, “first off that’s not at all how magic looks, second why should I help you?”

“Just this once!“ y/n practically begged, “please. I’ve have not been sleeping at all I just need one hour. I won’t make you sleep on my couch like I did when we were younger, you can just...alter my thoughts or something and I’ll leave and-”

“Fine.“ Loki agreed, grumpily. He walked back over to his bed, getting in between the covers on the left side. “Well?“ He asked when she stared blankly at him. He rolled his eyes again, “Obviously if you go back to your room I won’t be able to sense when I have to alter your thoughts and you’ll just come back to make a racket when you have another nightmare.“ y/n nodded slowly, making her way to the right side of the bed. “Besides it’s a big bed, just stay on that side-away from me.” She laid down, hesitant at first as she tightened her robe around herself. Loki leaned over, placing a finger and thumb over her temples to enter her mind.

When she woke up she was in the same exact position that she was in when she went to bed and Loki was standing directly above her looking annoyed once again. It was still dark outside as he looked down at her from where he stood. “It’s about time, I’ve been trying to wake you up for the last two minutes.”

“What time is it?“

“6:05..the castles about to start waking up, you should leave before more people get uo to avoid being seen.“ y/n nodded in agreement.

“Ok“ she walked to his door, turning to watch as he laid back down in his bed. “And Loki..“

“What?“ He sighed.

“Thank you.“ She said softly, leaving the room right after. Loki was left surprised.

“Look I know I said just once-” y/n whispered that night outside of Loki’s door, it was past 2 a.m. again, but surprisingly Loki let her in again.

“The faster you stop pestering me, the better.“ Loki told her harshly. He had woken her up at 6 a.m. again like he had done the the last time. The time after that Loki woke her up at 7 and the time after that she had woken up past 8 to see Loki sitting in a chair some feet from her sharpening his knives-when she had asked him why he hadn’t woken her up he had simply reminded that he could just teleport her back to her room, that way nobody would know she had spent the night there.

Flash forward a month later, y/n tiptoed to Loki’s room in her nightgown again, the nights were getting hotter which had led to her to leave her robe behind. When she had reached Loki’s room she didn’t need to knock, since he now left it unlocked for her.

Once she laid down on the right side of the bed (more towards the middle now rather than all the way on the edge) Loki laid down about a foot from her. They didn’t go to bed right then however, since they had formed a habit of talking before falling asleep. “Have you been sleeping better?” Loki asked the girl beside him.

“yes.”

“Good...”

y/n rolled onto her side to face Loki, “Thank you again.” He nodded. “You know for someone who hates me, you’re actually quite kind to me.” The corner of Loki’s mouth folded up slightly,

“I don’t hate you...” He rolled over onto his side to face her, “but what I do hate-“ he then had explained the entire plot of a book just to express his hatred for one detail in it.

y/n woke up in the middle of the night with a start, her nightmares had came back. As it turned out Loki wasn’t in the room but when he got back with a glass of water he noticed she was off right away. “I’m sorry.” He quickly apologized, sitting beside her, “I was just-I didn’t think-”

“I know, it’s fine.“ y/n told him, but his hand was still on her shoulder and his blue eyes still held worry in them. “I’m just-I’m going back to bed...“ Loki nodded, watching as she laid down again.

“Are you sure you’re alright?“ She nodded.

As she began drifting off she felt Loki take her hand in his. Later on in the night y/n woke up randomly, but she wasn’t facing Loki anymore-instead she was facing his dim window, she felt warm but not from the covers and to her surprise she realized that the prince’s arm was around her waist, keeping her close. Their legs were tangled mess at the bottom of the bed and she could hear his slow breathing as he slept peacefully. She looked around slowly, trying to figure out a way to move away to avoid the embarrassment when he wakes up-but just as she began to shift around she heard him speak up. “What time is it?” up.

“Sorry...” She apologized growing red, “I don’t know how-“

“It’s fine.“ She heard Loki whisper.

“It is?“

“This is quite comfortable.“ He whispered again, then he moved slightly closer-resting his head on her shoulder and he fell asleep again-she assumed that he was half awake and didn’t fully process what had happened. She decided it didn’t matter and fell asleep again, after all he wasn’t wrong-it was comfortable.

There was a loud noise that woke y/n right up, making her jump. Now she realized that she was facing Loki again, her arms were wrapped around his neck like in a hug, his head was nuzzled in the crook of her neck-their legs still a tangled mess. Bang! Bang! There it was again, she lifted her head, looking towards the door as it came again-bang! Bang!

“Loki” She whispered, gently shaking his sleeping form. He ignored it, pulling her closer in response instead. “Loki, someone’s at the door.” She whispered, trying not to laugh. He sighed looking up towards his door.

“Just ignore it, they’ll go away it’s probably a servant or-”

“Loki!” Thor’s voice came from the other side of the door, “Loki, I know you’re in there! Open the door.” Loki rolled his eyes, standing up to make his way towards the door.

He opened the door a few inches, “what do you want?” He hissed.

“I-” Thor paused, “are wearing your nightwear?”

“Why is that of any importance-what do you want?”

“er, Loki is there someone in there with you?“ Thor asked.

y/n held her breath, afraid that somehow Thor would hear her from the doorway. “I-no!” Loki snapped, “What are you talking about?”

“Alright, alright I apologize. I’m here to ask if you have seen y/n? I’ve been searching for her, she’s normally turned up somewhere at this time it’s past 10.”

“No I don’t know where she is, I haven’t seen her. Check the garden, she’s most likely wandering around there.“ He shut the door, turning back to y/n.

“Past 10?“ y/n asked, covering her mouth, “I should’ve been awake two hours ago.” Loki shrugged. “Can you teleport me back to my room, I should go to the gardens since Thor’s looking for me.” Loki looked at the ground with an unfamiliar look in his eyes before nodding. “Thank you.”

The girl had spent more time with Thor training than she had expected that day, leading her to take an extra long shower at night to get clean. She hadn’t realized until she looked at her clock that it was past 10-normally she’d already be at Loki’s room by now. Quickly she dried her hair and changed into her nightwear.

She was about to leave and opened her door and unexpectedly Loki was there with his hand raised looking like he was about to knock. They stared at each other for a moment before she spoke up, “Loki? What are you doing here?”

He glanced to the side, not wanting to meet here eyes as she awaited his response, “I thought..” he said glancing at the ground before back to her, regaining his composure “that you-“

“Weren’t coming?“ She finished for him, he nodded.

“So I came to see if you were ok, I’ll leave.“

“Wait, no.“ She told him, grabbing his wrist and taking him by surprise, “I was just coming it was just taking me longer, but you can sleep here if you want since you’re already here...?” He nodded in agreement, stepping into her room.

He settled himself into the bed, opening his arms for her to crawl into which she quickly did. The two laid there for a moment, listening to the quietness as Loki slowly brushed through her hair with his fingers.

“remember the other day when I said that you were terrible?“ y/n suddenly asked, getting Loki’s attention. He stopped running his fingers through her hair.

“Yes, why do you ask?“ He responded cautiously.

“I was just mad at you. I’m sorry.“

He took a moment to think to himself, “I didn’t mean what I said either."

“Can I ask you something?” y/n asked after a while later.

“What?”

“Why did you push me away?” She asked, shifting herself to meet his eyes.

Loki sighed-only it wasn’t from being aggravated this time. He backed up a few inches from y/n-staring straight up at the ceiling. “It’s because..”

“Because what?”

“I had noticed that you and Thor were becoming closer and decided to..abandon you before you did me. I thought it’d hurt less that way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, everyone always seems to choose Thor over me, I just assumed you would, in time, do the same.“ He confessed, still not meeting her gaze.

“Loki...“ she set her hand on his shoulder waiting for him to look at her. “I would never abandon you for Thor, sure Thor is my friend but so is Fandral, so is Volstagg, so is Sif and I’m not abandoning anyone for them.“

He nodded.

“And tonight..“ y/n spoke up again, “when you thought I wasn’t coming-“

“I assumed you wouldn’t need me anymore, especially after you had spent so much time with Thor.“

“Loki!“

“What?“

“Don’t be like that!“ y/n told him, sitting up, “I do need you! I’ll always need you, I need you don’ t doubt that, and not just because of stupid nightmares, because I care for you and I love you, ok?”

Loki smiled to himself, “you love me?“

“Yes you stupid-“ she stopped talking because Loki had leaned in, capturing her lips in a kiss, taking no time to hesitate she leaned into him further deepening the kiss. After about a minute they pulled apart-resting their foreheads together.

“I love you too.“

#loki #loki x y/n #loki x reader #loki fanfic #marvel fanfic #reader insert #marvel reader insert

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devinescribe · 3 years ago

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Liars

Chapter 13 of '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

I am... very... very... sorry for not updating this. I've been trying to write for this, got started, halfway through I got bored of the concept, deleted it, and started over. It's still... meh, if I'm being completely honest, but I hope you enjoy

Warnings: talks and mentions of rape, talks and mentions of abuse, swearing, mentions of blood, mentions of bullying. I think that's all, but as always let me know if I missed any.

Finally a hearts game!

You were excited, and so was Niragi. It was low ranking so you weren't worried in the least.

There were a couple others playing with you, and you smiled. There was people to sacrifice if needed. "How fun!" You cheered. Niragi laughed, shaking his head. "You're a crazy bitch you know?" You heard someone say. You turned to face them, and smiled. Your smile looked so innocent, so pure. "Hopefully the craziest bitch you've ever met."

"Game: Maze Of Reflection (can I name things? No.)

Rules: Everyone will be partnered up. You will be asked questions that you can only answer truthfully. The questions will all have relate to you and your life. Your partner will get the questions they must ask you through the headsets on the table. If you do lie, the headsets send a wave of the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Once you've lied a total of 3 times, the headsets explode. There is no time limit. If your partner dies before you reach the end, you've basically won. You just find your way through the maze.

Clear condition: Make it to the end of the maze without lying to your partner 3 times.

The headsets will tell you who you're partnered up with. Game commences in two minutes.''

You skipped to the table, grabbing a headset. You noticed everyone except Niragi, Chishiya, and Last Boss, hesitating to grab one. "Well, come on now! You'll die of you don't grab one," you said. So cheerful. So excited. And for what? To watch the people in this room die? Maybe.

You put the headset on, and watched the screen load.

Partner: Player 59725

Below the number was a picture of Niragi. "Oh this is going to be so fucking easy!" Niragi exclaimed. You high-fived him. "Promise number two really saved our asses, hm?" You teased, remembering him saying something about keeping so many promises being dumb.

'Game start.'

You grabbed Niragi's hand, dragging him with you. "First question... oh, OK. What did your best friend promise to do if you were 28 and still single?" You asked. "That we'd get married," he answered. You heard his head set chime. "This is gonna be a bit too easy for my liking," you muttered.

"What cartoon characters did you idolize growing up and why?" Niragi asked. You bumped into a mirror and cursed. "Fuck... um... it was.... L Lawliet for his skills in solving things as well as his cleverness, Light Yagami for his twisted sense of justice, and Misa Amane for my fashion inspiration?" You said, trying to remember correctly. Your head set chimed.

This kept going on for a couple minutes, where you would ask each other a question, and the truth was told. Then the mirrors lit up.

'Players 11037 and 59725 switch. Your new partners are player 25718 and 617834.'

''So I go with Chishiya, and you go with that guy?" You asked. He nodded with a groan. "Well, I was getting rather bored, weren't you?" You asked him. He looked at you confused. "What do you mean?" Niragi asked. "Well, we know all there is to know about each other. There's nothing new or interesting being found out right now," you explained.

Were you really bored of him? No, not of him. You would never be bored of him. You just wanted a fun and interesting game. You would never get bored of him. Niragi hoped you wouldn't. He didn't want to be alone.

"So, did you bore the game master somehow?" Chishiya teased when you got to him. "I guess you could say that. We have nothing to hide from eachother, so it was getting boring for me too," you explained.

"Who in all actuality took your first time?" Chishiya read off the screen. He looked at you, waiting for your answer. "Easy, it was Niragi," you answered. Then you felt a pain in the bottom of of your stomach as your headset beeped. A voice on the headset called you a liar, as the pain worsened, and you screamed, falling to your knees. It hurt. Tears built up in your eyes as you tried to deal with the pain. "Are you lying?" Chishiya asked. "No, read the question again please? Just so I can figure out why I got it wrong. I know I'm not. I really did give him my first," you said, holding your stomach. It really was the worst pain you'd ever felt. It made you shudder. How did they know what was the worst pain?

"Who in all actuality took your first time?" He asked again. You thought for a minute.

'I gave Niragi my 'first'. The question is asking who took my first.'

You looked away. "It... it was taken... stolen... by... by a bully from school. One of the guys that tortured me," you stated. You had never admitted that out loud. You hadn't even told Niragi. You heard your head set chime, and looked at the mirrors. They were projecting you.

All of them. In the whole maze. You gasped, scooting back until your back was against the mirror behind you. You stared in horror as it replayed the words you had said. The thing you didn't want anyone to know had now been broadcasted to at least 14 people. The screen changed to Niragi.

"(Y/N) they did what?! And you- you didn't tell me?!" He shouted. "S-suguru, 'm sorry don't be mad at me," you squeaked, hiding behind your hands, as if he were in front of you. As if he would hurt you. "We'll be talking about this later," he said. Then the mirrors went back to being mirrors. Tears rolled down your cheeks. From the pain in your stomach and the embarrassment. The fear of the one person who you looked for approval of might leave you.

You stood up, and read Chishiya's question. "Who's the person you hate most?" You asked, wiping the tears away, holding your stomach. "Hm? Hate is such a strong word. I don't hate anyone-" Chishiya started, before holding his left hand. His eyes widened and he cursed, holding onto it. His headset beeped, and called him a liar. You guessed the pain worsened as he let out a groan of pain, followed by a small yelp when he tried to soothe the b pain. You went over to him looking at his hand in concern. "Are you ok?" You asked, grabbing his hand softly, your fingers barely ghosting over the skin. He hissed in pain, grabbing it back. "Fine. I hate my father. And my mother. I hate my parents," he answered. His headset chimed, and you looked a him in shock. You would've never guessed that was his trauma. "What? Little miss perfect grew up with a perfect family, didn't she? Got everything she wanted, the attention of people she loved?" He spat. You flinched. "Oh, look here's your question now. Who and what do you fear the most?" He asked. "My father and Suguru's father. And I fear being alone, getting hurt by people, as well as disappointing those I love and them leaving me," you answered. Your headset chimed, and you looked over at Chishiya. "Am I still little miss perfect with a perfect family?"

You two finally found your way through the maze, question after question. You didn't want to tell him some things, but it was better than dying.

'Last question is for both players. Tell the truth or you will be executed whether or not it was your third time lying.'

'Why is that the worst pain you've felt in your life?'

"Because... I was left handed. My parents might not have cared about me or anything having to do with me, but they sure as hell cared that I wrote with my left hand. They broke it once. Never wrote with it again," Chishiya answered. You grabbed his hand softly once more, and gave him a look of understanding.

"Mine has a few reasons. When... well when my first was stolen, it hurt. A lot. And when my father found out I gave my first to Niragi... he hurt my stomach. And the kids at school... the ones that tortured Niragi and I... they used to hurt me in similar ways to both reasons I said before," you said. Chishiya gave you a look that you couldn't read. Was it sympathy? Pity?

The screen chimed as well as phones a 'game complete message' across them both, and your headsets dropped to the floor. You grabbed his hand, pulling him out.

Outside, Kuina, Last Boss and another guy was out there. "My partner had a lot of secrets I guess," Last Boss muttered, wiping some of the blood from his arm. "Dude no way! He exploded on you?" You asked. He nodded, very annoyed at the fact they had. "Like, number 1, ew. Number 2, however, that's pretty fucking cool. What did they have to hide they didn't want to tell?" You wondered. "So... about your maze fiasco? Why did it only broadcast yours? And you and Niragi were the only two who got separated," Kuina asked. "I don't know... but if the game master is going to be a dick, I'm going to start hating these games," you said. "Hey... (Y/N), can I talk to you?" Chishiya whispered, pulling on your arm. You nodded, letting him lead you out of earshot of the others.

"I'm... I didn't know about your family situation. I shouldn't have said you were little miss perfect and assumed," he said, looking off to the side. "I accept your apology," you smiled. "I-i didn't apologize," he stammered. "Can I hug you?" You asked. He looked around, before nodding. You pulled him into a hug, leaning down, and whispering in his ear, "I know that was your way of apologizing. Thank you for telling me the truth... I'm glad I know you a bit better."

"Everything you heard, you say nothing about, got it?" Niragi threatened his partner. They nodded, terrified of him. They left, and Niragi immediately looked for you. He saw you sitting in the backseat of the car. He gave you a look, and you lowered your gaze. Kuina glared at him, sitting besides you in the back. He went over, and sat in the driver's seat. He purposely sat far from you. Last Boss got in the back, Chishiya finally getting into the front seat.

Niragi didn't say a word. He didn't respond to you, Chishiya's taunting. Nothing. You tapped his shoulder, and tried talking to him. "(Y/N), I'm driving. We will talk later," he stated. Was he really that mad?

You rushed into the hotel, rushing into your room. You didn't want to talk to him anymore. He was being mean.

You took a shower, changing into your pajamas, and sitting on your bed. You knew that Niragi would barge in at any second. You knew he would. Even if you didn't want to talk to him, he would.

You heard the door creek open, and got ready. Would he yell at you? Call you names? These were things that you had never thought about when thinking about Niragi.

You didn't look up as he sat on the bed besides you. "We're going to talk about it. I know you don't want to, but we have to," Niragi said. You looked up at him. "Are you mad?" You asked, playing with the fabric of your shirt. "Kind of. Why... first, let me ask, when did this happen?" He questioned. "Mmm... last year of high school... about two months before I gave you my first," you responded. "It wasn't really your fi-"

"To me it was. I didn't give him my first Suguru. He stole it. Why the fuck do you think I was so nervous the whole time?"

"Yeah but it wasn't-"

"It was! I-i... it was to me. Think about it, if your car gets stolen, it's still your car, no? You didn't give it to them... Then... if they stole my first... I still... I didn count as my first. You were. I counted you as my first."

You bit your tongue to stop the tears. You didn't want to cry and seem weak. "I... I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I'm sorry you had to find out about it that way..." you whispered. "I know. It just... makes me a bit upset that you're the one who made promise 9 and you broke it. I wish... you had told me back then, so that I could've helped you," he stated. "You did. You helped me back then. Even without knowing," you said, reaching your hand out to touch his. He pulled back. "How!? I-i- You cried when I- is that why? How could I have helped you if I didn't even know about it?" He asked, raising his voice. You grabbed his hand softly. "Because you showed me that... when it's wanted, when it's with you someone you trust, and when it's with someone you love... sex is a positive thing. It's not something I should be scared of. You gave me a positive image of what it should be like," you explained. He looked at you in shock. He didn't think you had actually felt that way back then, and even now. But it made sense about why you made promise 40 after.

You lay next to him, catching your breath, your hands holding onto him. Every inch of your skin was pressed against his, as if he'd disappear the second you would let go. He held you just as tight.

"Sugu... let's make a promise, yeah?"

"What is it?"

"That if by the time we're 28, and still single, we'll marry each other."

"I'd like that."

"Promise 40, we promise that if by the time we're 28 and still single, we'll get married."

It made so much more sense to him now.

"If you say so..." he muttered. You pulled him into bed with you, getting under the covers. "Sleep in here tonight. Please?" You pleaded, having a pillow and a space for him on the other side of the bed. "Alright," was all he said before getting under the sheets with you. You hugged him, burying your face into his neck. "I hope you know all the neck and back pain I have endured from hugging and sleeping with your short ass," you whispered. He decided to let your comment slide. He'd would just let you relax from the game. Tomorrow was another day.

You hoped you didn't have nightmare again.

#alice in borderland #niragi #×reader #chishiya #last boss #fluff #but also... angst?#hahahahahahahaha #Y/N youre playing with some goddamn fire honey

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calypsoff · 4 years ago

Text

Fifty Eight.

I am wondering when this Chris hate train will end, we are on day two of it and honestly it’s horrible. Nobody speaks to me or cooks and my clothes seems to be in a bag not washed, Robyn hasn’t spoken to me since and I feel very terrible about myself, I do. What I did was bad, I get it but I really need them to speak to me because I didn’t mean it in a malicious way, I never intended to go out of my way and do something to upset Mel this bad. I didn’t think it would be this bad, Barry has really changed, and I’ve deleted him off everything. I can’t have that in my life when I’m in this part of my life now, my wife comes first but I don’t think she feels that way right now because I did what I did. My phone pinged in my hand; TJ has text. Tapping on his message.

TJ: Ayo bro check this

Tapping on the link he sent me, the shade room page popped up. I swear if it’s anything to do with Barry I am going to go crazy, Robyn will kill me. Reading the top caption “Chris Brown cousin has a message” I read, putting the volume up on the video of my cousin in Jail on video phone “what the fuck” I said to myself, the video played “he is a dead man if that nigga come to VA, we don’t fuck with snitch ass niggas. I don’t care who he married he think he can escape what he done to me!? You got me in here because you couldn’t shut your mouth, you dead cuz! You can pass him that message! I got him, I got something for him. He a snitch, I got my people” he punched the screen, taking in a deep breath. I didn’t know niggas could send messages like that from jail, he got life, so he has nothing to lose. Why is it always me, exiting off the video and tapping on TJ’ name so I can talk to him about this shit “bro, I just saw it and I was like serious? In jail, he is so angry. He probably got sad you got the love of your life back” TJ said down the phone “I’m always on the edge of death, nigga I am tired. So is that nigga going to meet me? I might beat his ass by the way” I am angry at him, Barry is in Cali still and I told TJ I want to meet with him so he is sorting that out for me “yeah, he said he will meet you at iHop or whatever. Wish I was there, fucked up what he done. Just be careful anyways, your cousin is just angry. Lot of the comments people are just taking up for you saying he’s jealous and they would have done the same” shaking my head, I am fed up “see, anyone would. I will call you later. After the meet, what time he say?” I questioned “in half hour bro. Be cool and just cut ties. You have more to lose then him” TJ is right I do.

I am catching an Uber, I am unsure if Robyn wants me to use her services so I will do that. See that fat nigga and squash the shit we been on and close what friendship we had, I have bigger things to deal with and now I got a death wish going to VA, but I am, for my parents I am. They will get the home; I don’t care what they say. Since I am going out I need to tell Robyn, I have too. Even though she ignores me, but she is aware of me going, I miss her a lot. She doesn’t sleep in bed with me either, when thinking about it Robyn is right. I could have a daughter and my daughter will be Bajan, does that include her and that alone boils my blood because it’s wrong. Maybe I should have kept that to myself, but I just said it, well this is me going to find Robyn to tell her I’m going and to get blanked. My Uber will be here any minute so let me get out of this room to tell my wife I am going out, closing the bedroom door I see Robyn coming out of Mel’ room “Robyn!” I spat, she looked at me like I just annoyed her already. Jogging down the hallway to her “I know whatever you don’t want to speak to me but I’m going out, but I’ll be back later, just to see a client. Thought I would tell you, ok?” She nodded her head, she acknowledged it I guess. This is so awkward, and I hate it for me, I hate this so much. Walking off, what more can I say. I apologised but they don’t want to know but they have to eventually speak to me, I need to do something to show them I do care. I care about both of them and what happened to Mel has upset me a lot, I don’t know I need to speak to them somehow and tell them how sorry I am about it all.

Getting out of the Uber “thanks” I guess I’m going to sort this shit out, I just want this last meet with him and that is it, we done as friends because he has thrown me under the bus with Robyn and Mel, they both hate me so much for this. Pushing open the doors and making my way inside, I can see that nigga from here. Shaking my head making my way to the table, I really want to beat his ass, but I can’t, I need to be calm. Sliding into the booth sighing out “thanks for the breakfast anyways” pushing it back “well I thought last meal huh” he is so cocky “how’s the chlamydia coming along?” He looked up from his plate, angered I said it, but I said it loud enough for people to hear “nigga fuck you” I chuckled “asking a question and I get abused?” He shook his head “you have changed, you got this new fame and now you think you’re better than me. You giving me advice!? An ex-convict telling me!?” He is bitter “this ex-convict is married with millions in his account and on vogue, so you tell me who’s winning!?” I had to say it “what happened to you? Here I am trying to help you nigga! All you did was throw me under the bus with Robyn about knowing? You knew that is wrong” Barry sniggered “I said what I said, and I mean it; your wife isn’t perfect at all. Didn’t she fuck you in New York? How you feel that Rocky tapped that too” he’s trying to get under my skin “fine, I just wanted to see where your mindset was but fuck it. It was nice knowing you, we will see who TJ wants to remain friends with because I don’t think it will be you” getting up from the booth “Rihanna not speaking to you now? You are the bitch in the relationship, mr depressed. Got her pregnant to shut her up, hey everyone Rihanna is” before he could even say it I just attacked him, I couldn’t just not let him continue to talk shit. My fist meeting his face, all the pent up anger coming out in the punches I am throwing as he fell to the side moving to the corner of the booth not even fighting me back “speak now nigga!” He ain’t speaking shit, I stepped back from him “fuck you” I spat on him as I walked off and the diners just stared at me in shocked, fuck that nigga.

Looking down at my knuckles, I must have hit the table when I was beating his ass but now I’m waiting for an Uber to come and pick me up, I just walked off from the place, but my knuckles are a mess. Just all of it got to me, putting up with what my cousin is saying and then him and then Robyn not speaking to me, my anger just gets there better of me so that happens “Christopher Brown” looking up from my knuckles, the police are really here “yeah” I breathed out “if you would like to come with us quietly” clenching my jaw “sure” they will end up beating my ass if not, let me just go. The officer opened the door for me to get in, now Barry is going to press charges unlike Rakim that let it go. I have a conviction already, I am fucked.

My anger at Chris has left me and now it’s concern because Jay Brown called and said what is this about the shade room post which I wasn’t aware of, I just seen it now and it’s terrifying to say the least. I haven’t been speaking to him because the whole situation was fucked up, but now I’ve seen that I’m not happy, but I want him home and he said he was going out, where was he going I have no idea about. He didn’t even mention it to me which I don’t blame him because I am not speaking to him, I will go back to being angry once he’s home anyways “you think that little snitching title will leave him?” Mel asked, she is much calmer now. Hurt but calm, she’s ok to speak on it and what happened but this hurt me as much as it did Mel “erm I don’t know, I am shocked that they do this in Jail. What the fuck, Chris isn’t even that person and I hate it. I hate they do this to him; Chris isn’t that” looking at my phone, it’s been an hour and he hasn’t messaged me back or called me back “he hasn’t contacted you? I mean he wouldn’t go somewhere that is bad, that nigga has ptsd so he wouldn’t” Mel is right he wouldn’t so he must know the person “he’s been gone about four hours now, see I hate this! Every time we have a disagreement something terrible occurs, Chris has said that, and he always likes to make it up with me. You know what, this is a mess” I can’t never not be angry with him but when he comes back I will be even more angry at him.

Mel keeps looking at me, but she knows I am stressed out now, no contact and I’ve been trying for so long “even though I hate Barry I can try with him, I hate to see you like this” shaking my head, my phone started ringing and I looked at is ever so quickly, but the number is withheld. I will answer it either way “hello” answering the call as quickly as I can “Robyn, hey it’s me” this line is bad “Chris, where are you!?” I spat “I have been worried sick, what the hell. Why are not answering me, how could you” I said panicked “I’m sorry, I don’t have enough time just listen to me please. I’ll be really quick but I’m in a holding cell, I got arrested because I lost my temper and beat up Barry in iHop and they took me in for assault. You’re my first phone call I could make right, they got me in here wanting to charge me, but the evidence is there that I did it. They are looking to give me six months in county, right. I need you to post bail I’m at Beverly Hills station, they didn’t even let me make a phone call they just threw me in and booked me. Send someone else or anyone, I need the bail money Robyn” I nearly dropped my phone in shock “how much?” I shakily said “how much is it? Officer?” Be asked “for you, thirty thousand” what is that supposed to mean for him “thirty thousand, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get locked up just get me out of here for now please. I got to go” he put the phone down and my phone dropped in shock “what happened?” Mel said seeing my face of horror “Chris is in jail, again. This time for assaulting Barry in broad daylight at iHop” Mel’ mouth fell open “no way” I just want to cry “I need to get him out” Mel shook her head “no you don’t, get Rich to get him and stay away from there. No blogs have spoken about it, just do that” I am in shock.

Rich was in shock when I told him and he said he will once again pick him up, I just don’t know what made him do that. I am so scared, it’s not just the one occasion, if he ends up locked up for six months what about me. I am so stressed out now, I will pay anyone off for him not to go county or anything. Ok I wanted Barry to be beat up, but I was speaking out of anger, I didn’t think he would go and do that, he is so stupid. Now I am sat here just waiting and worried about him “Rich should have picked him up by now don’t you think?” I questioned Mel “yeah he should be here by now actually, I didn’t want him to do it though Robbie. I don’t want him to go Jail for that, not for him anyways. That was stupid” hearing the door back shut, the banging of the door was so loud, Mel and I just stared at each other “she’s not upstairs though bro” Rich is back, I shot up from the couch. Why is there banging happening in this house, Mel also got up but Chris should be back now. Rushing out, Rich pointed up the stairs “he went upstairs, he is angry” he held out some paperwork “he really isn’t happy, I told him you would be down here so yeah” taking the paperwork from him “posted the bail” passing the papers to Mel “I am going upstairs, thank you so much” I just need to see him, I can’t believe that this has happened.

Stood outside the bedroom door, I just heard Chris scream fuck. He is angry, blowing out air feeling upset for him and stressed out. Opening the bedroom door slowly, Chris looked behind him and at me with sadness filled in his eyes “Chris” I breathed out, walking inside the bedroom and closed the door “when I said I wanted to beat his ass I really didn’t want you to do it, I really didn’t me and Mel didn’t want that” I really didn’t want that at all “I promise you Robyn I didn’t go there to beat anyone’s ass, I went there to close the chapter with Barry and tell him how wrong he was but it worked out wrong, he started shouting you was pregnant in iHop, he started shouting Rihanna is pregnant, he kept talking shit and then when I got up from the booth he goes Rihanna is and I just punched him but because I lost my temper I kept punching him, he didn’t fight back. Then I walked off, look I must have punched the table a few times when I did” his knuckled are bruised and cut open “I didn’t go there to fight, I went there to tell him it’s done and how bad he is. I wanted to close that chapter, maybe see if he cared but it worked out wrong and now they are going to get me for assault” tears filled his eyes “I am going to miss my baby being born Robyn, I have fucked up. I have fucked up so much and on top of that my cousin” walking over to Chris “calm down, just calm down Chris. It’s going to be ok; we will fix this somehow. We will, nothing has hit no blogs. It’s all quiet right now, I can fix it” I am saying that like I can, but I am trying to think on a way “how did you get six months, where did you get that from? I don’t know, maybe we can just do something, maybe get community service. I will get my lawyer, it will be ok” wrapping my arms around Chris “it’s like you do good but then it turns bad” he will never know peace this boy, it’s like life comes at him every time.

Watching him run his knuckles under the water “what your cousin did was pretty creep by the way, the video was not good at all. Pretty evil I would say, that is when my concern kicked in and you was gone. Look Chris, deep down I am panicking because you hit Rakim and got away with that and now this, now I am going to try and keep this on the low. See if we can pay Barry off, he’s pressing charges on you Chris. He gave all your details, I read the paperwork. We can pay him off, if that keeps you out of county jail then I will do it. I just feel like something bad happens every time we have a disagreement, I was just upset at it all. I feel like you had the chance to tell me about him, I was saying to Mel. Chris wouldn’t have Barry around if he was bad, maybe he is on drugs I don’t know but right now we need to deal with you. Hand on my heart if Mel was whoring herself I would tell you about it, because it’s wrong but we pass that we have more to worry about” Chris made his way over to me “I am sorry, I was going to speak to you both tonight but that has changed” nodding my head “it has, Chris you got to stop losing your temper, honestly” he is going to get himself in some serious trouble “also your cousin scares me” I added.

#chrianna fanfiction #fanfiction #chriannaff #chrianna ff #chrianna #fanfic

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pepsi-writes · 4 years ago

Text

all american stories

He leaned on the door to support his weight as he laughs the hardest he has ever laughed in his entire life. Imaginary friend? Mr. Wiggles? Those thoughts alone were making America cackle.

"We are serious. Mr. Wiggles," Mrs. Dorji shivered at the mention of that name, "has been absolutely terrorizing Tandin for the last few weeks, and we would absolutely like you to get rid of him. Alas, we have tried to get rid of Mr. Wiggles, but..." She trailed off, trembling from remembering the event. She looked back up, tears now streaming across her face. Mr. Dorji wrapped an arm around his wife as a desperate attempt to comfort her. America finally gained enough composure to choke out a "A-alright, alright, I'll get rid of whatever Mr. Wiggles is, and you two and Tandin can rest assured that Mr. Wiggles won't terrorize anybody, anymore!"

With that, he snatched his Super - Duper - Totally - Effective - Imaginary - Friend - Destroyer - 3000 and let the Dorji's lead him to what he assumed was Tandin's room. As Mr. Dorji opened the door, America thought to himself.

Come on, Meri, the guy's name is Mr. Wiggles!

Mrs Dorji was probably exaggerating anyway. Who even cries over an imaginary friend?

It can't be that bad.

Right?

-----

NATO turned to America with a decisive look. "I've decided that I cannot call you 'United States of America' anymore, since you are my father. I've compiled a list of possible 'nicknames', in which you will choose one for me to address you as."

America squinted, unsure of why his son was being so stuffy and formal. This was a party after-woah. NATO had pulled out a super long list, so long that it brushed against the floor whenever he moved. "Let us begin with the first name. Father?" he quizzed. "No," America answered. "Too formal for me."

NATO let out an 'ah', then continued.

"Vater?"

"No. I keep on forgetting what that means, anyway."

"Daddy-"

"Absolutely not."

"Old man?"

"Come on, I'm not that old." America chuckled.

NATO tried many different variations, many different spellings, and many different nicknames. At this point, America just wanted to get into his car and drive home. After thirty minutes of NATO shouting out names, he decided to do just that. As soon as America unlocked the door to his house, he bolted to his bed and flopped on it, embracing its soft covers. The enchanting aroma of his pillow and the layers of warm quilts combined felt quite nice actually.

So nice, actually, that he fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

He woke up to a person delicately shaking him, as if he was a wilting flower. He couldn't see the figure very clearly, but he made out enough of the figures' features to identify it as NATO. NATO himself kneeled down to softly whisper in his father's ear:

"Papa?"

"I-wha-No!"

according to wattpad people love this shitpost the most

------

"China!" America saw him and ran towards him, his arms outstretched for a rare hug.

"America!" China also ran towards him, cradling something behind his back.

"China!" America cocked a rifle that he had behind his back.

"America!" China pulled out a shoulder-fired-missile weapon.

-----------

America turned his camera to the sign. The "T" flickered in and out, while the other letters stayed bright as if there were nothing wrong with its companion. For America, that was perfect vine material. No matter if he had to get out of his car and stand in the freezing rain. He wasn't going to throw away his shot.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, putting on his announcer voice, "welcome to, T-T-T-T-TARGET!"

------------

this is just one big dad joke

America, looked at Austria with a perplexed expression on his face. "What do you mean 'don't eat that'? It's just an apple. You can do my check-up as soon as I eat it." He held the apple closer to his mouth, its red skin glistening in the dim lights of the therapy room.

Austria snatched the apple and walked over to the nearest garbage can, opening the lid.

"That's the point," he seethed, throwing away the apple. "Haven't you ever heard of the rhyme? They say it all the time in your clay."

"What rhyme are you talking about?" America said, wondering if there was something he missed while not paying attention at school. Was it a nursery rhyme like 'Ring Around the Rosie,' or-

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, you dummkopf!" he yelled.

Oh, that rhyme.

"I'm allergic to apples, so if you eat an apple, I can't do scheiße to you during our session. Were you not listening when I told everybody this?" Austria questioned.

"Ye-"

"Good. Now never eat an apple again."

--------

"Are you drunk?" Russia asked, looking down at America who was laying face flat on the pool table.

America flipped over so he was facing Russia. "No, I'm not," he replied, but the shit-eating grin on his face told him otherwise. "You're drrrunk."

Russia shook his head. This was the third time America had gotten drunk this week. What was happening with his life that he needed to drink every time he had his back turned? "Come on, we're going home."

America's face morphed into one of exaggerated displeasure."Noooooooo!"

"Stop complaining. We're going home, and you're going to bed."

two bros walking each other home. i deleted some fluff because it was bad.

-------

Russia tipped America's head up, revealing his awful eye bags. Examining them closely, he said, "Do you feel okay? Because you don't look okay."

America slowly pulled away to take a sip of his sixth cup of coffee since one in the morning. He gave a shaky thumbs up. "Never been better."

"You're going to bed."

"Already passing out."

---------

His eyelids fluttered open.

The first thing that America noticed was that he wasn't home, or anywhere, actually. Surveying his surroundings, he guessed he was in some sort of basement. A gust of wind blew against the mahogany curtain that decorated the only window in the room, fluttering them open and sending a single ray of light his way. America squinted at the sudden light, his sight still hazy. He tried to stretch out, but something kept him still. As soon as his vision cleared he looked down to see what was keeping him in place.

The second thing America noticed was that he was bound to a chair. By rope. Great. Now he got kidnapped. Wow. Astronomical. Phenomical.

He tried to remember what got him in this situation. He could admit, he had terrible memory - and the memories came flooding back, almost as if a wall broke down. Getting invited out for dinner, drinking some spicy juice or something at a bar, feeling weird, but not in a drunken weird. Getting dragged out to an alley by an adult child. His head hurting for a split second and then everything going black-oh. He was drugged and knocked out; he should have thought of this earlier. It seemed pretty cliche to be stuck in this situation, but everything that's happened lately might as well have been one of John Mulaney's stories.

The third thing America noticed was that he was bored. Like, super bored. Being shoved in a basement didn't prove frightening to him, just boring. Besides, he didn't get to experience the supposed scary part of it, so what's the point anyway? He was more accustomed to being swift with everything, living the, excuse his language, fast life. Tapping his foot, America satisfied himself with the blowing curtain, watching it flap in neverending waves, never settling. Damn, he really wanted some music to go with this. Even if it was Britain's despised classical music, he just wanted something other than this silence, this nothing.

-----

America stared in horror as the figure stepped closer into the light. Colombia gripped his arm tightly, and he was sure that would leave a bruise later. Now he could see that the figure had their arms up in surrender and that they looked confused, as if they didn't know what was going on. Their flag looked like a carbon copy of Colombia's, but only with a coat of arms in the middle.

"Colombia?" the country asked, their eyes lighting up. Colombia? That complete stranger knew his name?

He gasped. "Educador! Compadre, compadre, ¿como estas? ¿Quieres agua o algo para relajarte?"

Colombia knew this guy?

-----

America walked up to her, giggling at his phone. "Hey, come look at this video I made of you! Bet you'll like it~", he teased, trying to get Slovakia's attention.

Slovakia turned around, obviously annoyed. "Fine, but it better not be embarrassing, and you better not have shown it to Czech." America snickered at her mention of Czech, knowing that Slovakia was still basically lovesick for him. He handed her the phone, and clicked play.

Czech walked up to Slovakia's door, Hungary following close behind and eventually settling on the chair that was placed next to her door. He let out a sigh, checking his watch. He finally said in a small voice, "Slovensko, are you ok? We haven't heard from you all day. Hungary's practically begging to leave the house," she glared daggers at Czech , but he continued. "but Poland says he's not leaving without you."

No answer.

"Slovensko? Are you asleep? It's okay if you're sleeping, and in fact Hungary and I will leave you alone to-"

"Open up, fucknugget." This time Hungary was speaking, and in a low voice that definitely sounded agitated.

"Hun!" Czech scolded. "Meri is right there ," he said, gesturing to the camera, "you can't curse in front of him!"

Hungary ignored her coworker and continued to yell at the door.

"We've been waiting for you for the entire day and if you don't get your ass out here right now , I'll go in there and haul it out myself."

This time, the door slowly opened, revealing Slovakia, wrapped up in a large blanket.

To say she looked terrible was an understatement. Her hair was sticking out every which way, there were bags under her eyes, dried drool lined her cheeks, and mascara and eyeliner was smeared all over her face.

"Why are you here so early? Did UN schedule an meeting for 7 AM aga-"

"Why are you looking like absolute shit? It's one in the afternoon," Hungary spat, grabbing Czech's hand to look at his watch. "Get your shit together and let's go."

America erupted in giggles, shaking the camera so hard that the phone fell over, and then-

The recording suddenly ends.

"Meri," Slovakia looked up from the phone. "What the fuck."

------

Nothing in life made him happy. It was not a choice for him, but a necessity. If nothing amused him, entertained him, made him so that he enjoyed it, then he wouldn't get attached. He would be prepared for the end, and embrace it with open arms. He would-

The alarm clock blared with an ugly noise, echoing throughout the entire room and interrupting America's monologue. He stayed up all night again, because of course he did. This English paper wasn't going to finish itself, and he definitely needed some time to brood over his past decisions. In fact, he moped more than he actually wrote, and now he got only three paragraphs done - oh no. Now, bullshitting through it was his only option. He frantically opened his document filled with his past notes. America stole a glance at the pages written the day before, and he saw that there was only one. Oh God he was fucked. He stared at the document, trying to decipher the broken English that he typed during the long, boring lecture.

Romeo + Juliet good, at least he got that going.

Paris bad, okay, as in France's understudy in that one play that everybody's buzzing about. He could remember that.

They both die in the end: Romeo finds Juliet sleeping but thinks she's dead and so he kills himself, but Juliet wakes up and dies too by the same blade. Damn, were these even notes? This was a crappy summary of the end of the story, but he could build off of this. Okay, so he could bullshit a few more pages, proofread them to make sure it actually looks presentable, and then turn it in ten minutes before the clock.

America set to typing, typing as fast as he possibly could. Being in a coffee filled rage certainly did help him though, since he practically wrote two pages in like, an hour. Not good for a college sophomore like him, but there were only seven pages left to write. For once in his lazy, unmotivational life, America was not going to slack off and wait. This paper was the deciding grade for the semester, and- ooooh, was that a new update from Russia's Instagram- NO, he had to stay focused. The time whizzed by as he wrote like his life depended on it, because it did. If he didn't turn this dumb paper in, then he couldn't graduate, and then he would never get a job, and then he would be living on the streets- ugh, snap out of it already! He had already become too distracted throughout the night and he had work to finish. He could at least pass with an A, and then he could get an actual job and he would make UK proud, and he would make Canada not embarrassed to go out with him in public anymore, and-

Three hours later, and he had - very slowly - written his paper, skimmed it through, and turned it in, except this time it was nine minutes before the due date. He would probably get a D or something; you never knew with Mr. Williams. He would give you an A for a completely crappy paper, and in the same breath slap a old, hard, F on a paper that you had poured your soul into. Trust him, America knew from experience.

Five weeks later, he received his grade for the semester. Opening it, his first analysis of the paper was that his grades, were, at best, not so shabby. As his eyes drifted down from each class, they finally landed on his English grade.

A B+, with a comment that says 'Good work!' Not so bad for a procrastinating country like him, huh?

challenge: take a shot every time i write "bullshit."

#countryhumans #countryhuman #writing

4 notes · View notes

irwintry · 5 years ago

Text

11 Reasons Not to Fall in Love

Warnings: swearing, mention of alcohol

Summary: Ashton is in love, and Y/N might be, too. There are a million reasons not to fall in love–– here are eleven.

Word Count: 6.7k

ONE: YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN KNOW IT

Ashton sprinted down the terminal.

His suitcase rattled behind him, the wheels sputtering as they hit the cracks in dirty tiles. And his shoulders ached from the weight of his bag carving into already-sore muscles. A pair of headphones had fallen from his pocket down near gate A3, but he hadn’t bothered to retrieve them. Not when his connecting flight had less than ten minutes until departure. Ashton couldn’t waste another minute apologizing to strangers for slamming into them during a moment of distraction.

Sweat accumulated under his arms and along his hairline. Long corridors awaited him, meanwhile, his lungs strained within his ribcage as he rounded corner after corner. He hadn’t remembered the airport being this large. Perhaps he had slipped into a Twilight Zone nightmare where every doorway led him to where he had once been. Time ticked away, and Ashton was too frantic to check the clock on his phone.

“Final boarding call for American Eagle flight 1683 for Los Angeles. Please make your way to gate D26. That is D for Delta. Again, this is a final boarding call for American Eagle flight 1683 for Los Angeles, located at gate D26. Thank you.”

“Shit,” Ashton spat, his knuckles curling in a firm grip around his duffle. The same duffle his mum gifted him nearly six years ago, yet it still worked like a charm. The duct tape held up well.

His feet skidded against the rug leading into gate D26. He opted out of the dramatics, slowing down his pace and walking calmly around the rows of seating before addressing the gate agents with a smile. They saw plenty of passengers like him–– late, damp, and a bit smelly as well. But that didn’t erase the scowls from their features. He sped down the jet bridge, dropped off his carry-on at the end, and boarded the plane with two minutes to spare.

“Hey, hi, sorry,” he mumbled to the flight attendants, but his breathy words hardly translated through his large gasps for air. It didn’t take him long to find his seat in first class. The large cushions enveloped him like an old friend. He sat back after placing his bag underneath the seat before him, and his eyes fell shut as a sigh left his lips.

Ashton’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

snail butt:

text me when u land!!!!!!

His cheeks burned. A smile stretched slowly on his cheeks, the kind of smile that wrote novels and lit up silver screens. It was a smile that could not be hidden no matter how hard he tried. Ashton’s stomach had been stuck with thousands of pins. And all it had taken was a single text from you.

“Only a fool who’s in love smiles like that.”

Ashton turned to face the person behind the voice, his eyes wide and watery as he shut off his phone. “Excuse me?”

The older man beside him chuckled. “I know a smile like that anywhere.”

“In love?” Ashton repeated, soon falling into laughter himself. “No, no, I’m not––”

The man winked and glanced away, but Ashton chose not to harp on a nonsensical conversation. Instead, he stared at the seat before him, mouth slightly ajar as he registered the older man’s words. Ashton had never been in love, at least he believed it to be so. He had no knowledge of the feeling. So, he rejected what he heard.

He spent the next few hours with his gaze locked on the clouds, wondering if what he felt for you was, perhaps, something a little like love.

TWO: IT’S ONE-SIDE

The lights had flushed out his skin. Every inch of it was warm and wet to the touch, a sensation he knew well but hadn’t quite gotten used to. Even after thousands of shows–– thousands of performances that kicked his adrenaline to new heights only to have it plummet by the time he made it to the showers. Ashton stood against the tiled walls and let the water pelt against his skin. The pressure was never how he liked it. And the water was never hot enough.

He liked to call you after shows. He liked to hear about your day. You told him about the customers that pissed you off and the ones that sweetly tipped you a little too much. You told him that Oatmeal had taken a poo in your bathtub again, and he’d laugh at the thought. He’d think about the faces you’d make, because while you’d be upset one moment, your anger never lasted long. You could never stay mad at your cat.

Ashton had yet to call you tonight. He sat on the bathroom floor instead, fingernails picking at scabs on his palms while the sounds of J. Tillman’s Cancer and Delirium echoed around the room. He didn’t have the option to sit much longer; they had to pack up and drive off to a new town overnight. He always thought about the what-ifs. What if he walked out right then and there? What if he left without saying goodbye? What if he hopped aboard a plane and moved to the other side of the world? What if he cut off all contact with everyone he knew? And, what if that included you?

The thing that scared him the most was the possibility of it all. He could do whatever he wanted. It was his life, his body, his mind–– he had the ability to walk away whenever he so pleased.

He had the ability to forget about you.

Ashton stared at your contact on his phone. A picture from your New Year’s Eve party faced him, your goofy, smiling face staring up at him, happiness permanently immortalized within a small circle. And he wasn’t sure what your contact name meant anymore–– it had been an inside joke from years before, but time stole the memory.

He could delete your number if he wanted. He could rid himself of the pain of loving you by losing you. He could end everything now.

Ashton called you instead.

“You’re eating away at my cellular data,” you said right away, and somehow, the sound of your voice always made him feel better. All of his previous thoughts melted away. “How was the show? How are your bloody hands?”

“Beaten t’hell,” he spoke, but his words felt lifeless. Ashton could no longer identify his exhaustion. He felt like a stale being, like the grimy tiles beneath his bum as he counted scratches on the bathroom mirror. “Tell me about your day.”

“Didn’t do much,” you replied. “Oh, but––“

You talked for a half-hour. About the dentist, about your cat, about the food you ate... and he listened with pleasure. He listened because it was the only thing keeping him from walking away. It kept him from wiping the slate clean.

And he wanted to. He didn’t want to love like this. It was one-sided, trivial in every aspect, and you had no idea how much it pained him to even think about you. His urge to leave it all behind grew larger every day.

You didn’t love him. You didn’t see him the way he saw you.

“Hey, bug,” he mumbled. You had been talking about a Tinder date, one that went oh so right, and Ashton gripped his thigh until he drew blood. His eyes screwed shut at the idea of you piled under bedsheets, arms tied around the neck of someone else. “’m gonna have t’let you go.”

“Aw,” you said.

He pictured your pout.

“Well, okay,” you continued. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Ashton forced a smile. He wished you could see the ache behind it. “Of course, doll. Love you.”

“Love you, too!”

J. Tillman’s voice filled the tile room once again. And Ashton sat wishing your words held meaning. He wished he could erase the casual and fill in sentimentality. Because he now knew what love was, and he knew you would never feel the same.

THREE: THEY LOVE SOMEONE ELSE

His kitchen faucet had been dripping for eleven days. The noise faded into the background, its constant drip, drip, drip like an unspoken rhythm to Ashton’s ears. He found himself tapping along and making up songs to the beat of these drips. They weren’t irksome–– not for the first eleven days.

He was lonely on the twelfth day. Beaten hands pushed back dirty and newly dyed dark strands of hair. Ashton hated looking at his appearance in his bathroom mirror. The dark circles were unfriendly, and he hadn’t seen his skin that sickly color before. He was malnourished at his own expense. And he was exhausted.

Tired of spending all of his nights staying up until four because being home felt like a prison. Tired of looking at pictures of you and your boyfriend while Ashton was stuck wallowing with a sore heart. A sore heart that failed to tell you how he felt sooner. Because now he saw your face when you were with him–– with your boyfriend, and you looked so happy. Ashton couldn’t help but feel sorry for himself.

It seemed as though everything was falling apart at once. The faucet, his relationship with you––or lack thereof, and suddenly his dishwasher was overflowing, and every meal he made he was burnt to a crisp. The twelfth day of his faucet leaking was the last straw.

But Ashton didn’t want to call a plumber. He took the matter into his own hands.

An hour later, he had flooded part of the kitchen and dented a pip with his wrench. The activity hadn’t gotten rid of stress or anger, and it certainly hadn’t distracted him from thoughts about you.

He sat back against his fridge, a few stray tears spilling down his cheeks while he avoided the ache in his spine. The leaking had only gotten worse, but Ashton decided he would worry about it on the fourteenth day. He wanted to curl up on his couch and stay there forever. He wanted to rot in his home (was it even his home?) and have everyone forget about him. To have you forget about him. He wanted to forget about you.

snail butt:

hey.

pls answer me

are u ok

Ashton kept the messages open on his phone, but he didn’t respond to them. He wasn’t touched by your concern right now. He felt numb, and he wanted to sink into the tiles and melt in with the puddled water. It wasn’t normal anymore–– to feel this way. He lost himself in the shape of his hands; they no longer looked like his hands. Did he even exist?

snail butt:

ash

can i call

His eyes narrowed. For the first time in his life, he didn’t want to talk to you. You were the last person on the earth he wanted to talk to. All because he did want to tell you everything, but he knew he couldn’t. You had always been a constant in his life, and the reason you no longer were had fallen upon his shoulders. Because he had fallen in love when he never meant to in the first place.

Suddenly, you were calling him, and his fingers stayed still. His thumb didn’t move to answer the call.

This wasn’t who Ashton was. He always answered your call no matter where he was, no matter what time of day. His eyes brimmed with tears, yet they refused to spill. No one said love could be this painful. No one said it would be like this.

You called again, a contact picture of you in minion goggles popping up only to disappear a half minute later. Ashton knew he was worrying you. He felt the fear creeping up into your chest while you tapped “voice call” over and over, meanwhile mumbling a few frustrated words involving insults you never meant. You had sensed his change in behavior long ago. He didn’t blame you for forcing communication like this.

That was why he wanted to pack his things and leave sometimes. It was easier than convincing everyone that he was okay.

Ashton:

Hey sorry I missed your call

Can’t talk right now

Love you

FOUR: EVERYONE KNOWS BUT THEM

A familiar feeling filled Ashton’s stomach. It knotted and twisted, but it never loosened. His grip on his phone tightened with every word he read. Knuckles ached while his fingers dug into the metal siding, and tension soon collected in the hinge of his jaw.

This had been his night so far. Stuck in between tables and chairs in the middle of a bar while you texted him about your boyfriend. But Ashton wasn’t mad because of that. His anger boiled because your boyfriend had mistreated you, and Ashton was hearing every little bit about the story.

He believed that he was seconds away from breaking his phone altogether.

“Ashton.”

His head shot up, small curls falling over his eyes as his jaw clenched. A bunch of worried eyes faced him.

“You okay, mate?” asked Michael. His voice was hushed and full of a certain comfort that his friend needed to hear.

Ashton swallowed, and he could feel all of the individual muscles in his cheeks strain. The gray dots on his phone appeared again–– you had more to say. “’m fine,” he spoke. His eyes said otherwise. They were watery and wide, filled with an easily read emotion, yet he hoped his friends would avoid the conversation.

Luke hummed. “Sure.”

“Is she okay?” Michael set his drink down on the table before them.

The words sunk in Ashton’s chest. He appreciated their concern. He appreciated that they cared about you. But he didn’t want to talk about it–– he never did.

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Convincing.”

“Well, what do you want me to say?” asked Ashton, voice raising in frustration while the sea of eyes blinked back in response. A cold silence met him, but the music in the bar carried on. He sighed. “Sorry. Fuck. Sorry.”

He gripped his forehead and wiped the sweat from his drink onto the table. His fingers trembled as he did so.

“Does she know how you feel?” Michael mumbled.

Ashton raised a brow. “Know how I–– what?” He began to laugh. He felt strange–– like anger was fighting with anxiety, and he knew he could no longer repress his feelings by this point.

“Ash.”

He turned to face Luke.

“It’s obvious,” said the blond. “We’re not stupid. We know you love her. We’ve known for the past like, six months.”

The frustration softened, and soon, Ashton deflated. His shoulders slumped as his frown deepened. “It’s obvious?” he whispered.

“Not that obvious,” Calum intervened. “You jus’–– you get really sad when you get feelings for someone.”

“I’m not––” Ashton straightened his spine. “I’m not sad. We’re fine. She’s fine. We’re both really fine.”

“I’ve never seen you guys this distant before,” Michael said.

“Friends grow apart.”

“Not like this.”

Ashton dug his fingernail into the wooden tabletop.

“Dude,” continued Michael. “You gotta tell her soon. It’s just gonna keep hurting if you don’t. And it’ll keep gettin’ worse and worse.”

“Or maybe it’ll hurt worse if I do tell her,” muttered Ashton.

“So, you do love her?” Luke asked.

Ashton waited a moment to answer. “Yeah.”

Silence washed over the group, and a beat later, Michael asked, “does she love you?”

Ashton stared at a neon sign in the distance. He could hear its buzzing from his seat. It gnawed at his eardrums and wedged itself under his skin. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “She doesn’t.”

FIVE: THEY ARE OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR PAIN

Ashton had been late to his own birthday party. He strolled in after forty minutes, heart heavy while he pushed through sweaty bodies that he hardly recognized. The stairs were his destination, and he could only fake so many smiles. He could only force empty hellos for so long before someone was bound to pull him aside. Their skin burned his.

Because it had been you, and every touch was a pain unlike any other.

“Hey, hey, birthday boy,” you said, grinning from ear to ear. “Miss me?”

Ashton stared at you in awe. Not because you looked stunning, which you did. You always did. But because he hadn’t seen you in four months. He had hardly spoken to you— he felt like he hardly knew you.

“Holy shit,” he muttered as he wracked his brain in search of something to say. Or rather, the right thing to say. Heat trickled up his neck and into his cheeks.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” you asked. The drink in your hand had hardly been touched. Meanwhile, your fingers toyed with the small plastic straw.

Ashton felt his smile grow. His stomach was on fire. “Yes— yeah. Give me a fucking hug.”

Your arms wrapped themselves around his torso, your head burying into his shoulder while he tried to memorize the feeling of you against him. He missed being held by you. It came with a sense of belonging–– like he was always meant to be here.

“Did Michael fly you in?” asked Ashton, and meanwhile, he kept his hands on your upper arms. His gaze on you was intense–– that he knew, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Had you always looked that beautiful?

You shook your head. “Wanted to surprise you myself.” A smile grew on your lips.

Ashton smiled as well, but it ached to falter. He just wanted to be happy around you.

The drinks poured on, night crawling with sweat and glitter and everything Ashton had wanted to avoid. As the hours passed, you stuck to him like glue. And the more alcohol in your system, the more you kept your hands on him. Unsteady fingers scraped down his arms whenever a good song came on through the speaker. You were in constant movement, and all Ashton saw was a gaussian blur of colors and smiles.

He locked himself in the upstairs bathroom.

He sat there for at least an hour, knuckles drumming against polished tile while the bass reverberated through the floor. It had been months since his last interaction with you–– he never knew when he would see you next. And then you were dancing with his friends, mind elsewhere while you tried to forget about the dried tears over your ex-boyfriend. You were swaying and laughing, looking like an angel kissed you just that morning, and he hadn’t been ready for any of it.

In all honesty, Ashton would have preferred not seeing you at all. Your presence taunted him. It reminded him of all of the mistakes he made, and it reminded him that you would never love him the way he loved you.

Before leaving the bathroom, he washed his face. He washed away the past couple of hours in order to prepare for the next few. In order to see you again, he had to forget all of his feelings for the night.

But he couldn’t. He barely took a step downstairs before retreating to his bedroom. It was his own birthday–– he could be miserable if he wanted to be. Did he even want to be?

Ashton changed into a pair of sweatpants and a plain t-shirt. He could still hear the music through the floorboards, but it no longer bothered him. His phone remained silent with no phone calls or texts asking where he was. And then the door opened, and you walked in.

“Uh oh,” you said. “Birthday boy went missing.”

“You found him.”

You smiled softly. “You okay?”

Ashton shrugged. “Tired, s’all.”

You kept your arms crossed as you looked at him. He felt like you were analyzing everything about him. Perhaps you could read minds. Perhaps you already knew how he felt about you.

“Ya wanna sit?” he asked you, motioning to the empty spot next to him on his bed.

Your smile grew. “Duh.” You rushed over, flopped down against the comforter, and nestled into him. He hadn’t expected that last part. “Missed you,” you mumbled against his shirt, and your arm twisted around his. You were warm–– it was a good warmth.

“Missed you, too, bug,” he whispered. He leaned back against the pillows and took your body with him.

You hummed. A comfortable silence settled in, albeit the soft music from down below, and all Ashton could feel was you. He felt your skin, your heartbeat, your smile... He felt the happiness he had been looking for since the night began. This was why he needed you.

You turned to look at him. “Why haven’t we kissed yet?”

Ashton raised an eyebrow at you.

“We’ve been friends for like ten years,” you said. “I’ve even kissed Luke. Why haven’t I kissed you?”

“You kissed Luke?”

You pressed your palm against Ashton’s chest. “Should we kiss?”

“I don’t think––“

“We haven’t even tried it.”

Ashton shrugged. His heart rate had doubled, and the temperature in the room spiked. “Yeah, well...”

“Do you wanna?” you asked.

His limbs felt numb as he sat up. “Maybe now’s not the best time, bug.”

“Oh.”

Ashton wiped his hands against his thighs, and when he looked over at you, a pout had found its way onto your face. The soft light from his bedside lamp reflected in your watery eyes and in the moisture on your lips. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Shit.

“Why do you wanna kiss me so bad?” he mumbled.

You glanced down. “I’ve always wanted t’kiss you,” you said. You looked back up at him, and he saw something in your eyes that he had never seen before.

It gave him hope.

He nodded, swallowing thickly while he fought back conflicting thoughts. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay?”

Ashton nodded once again. “Yeah. We can–– we can try it.” He squeezed his eyes shut, meanwhile wishing he had let the whole thing slide. He wished he could turn back time and never let himself feel like this.

But then you smiled, and he thought that, maybe, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. He didn’t get the chance to think about anything else before you pressed your lips to his. It was quick, almost as if it had never happened. You moved away slowly, and he nearly pulled you back.

“Well,” you whispered, chuckling once more. The heat of your breath met his skin. With your arms still around his shoulders, you looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing you had laid eyes upon.

He wanted to believe it.

“Well,” he said in return. A small smile grew on his lips. He hardly remembered the kiss, but he knew he needed more. So, he placed his arms around your waist.

You leaned in again, this time capturing his lips gently between yours, but he held you close.

And then he pulled away. He pulled away because it meant too much to him. He pulled away because it didn’t mean anything to you.

SIX: NO ONE WILL EVER BE THEM

Ashton’s hands were numb.

The sun had only begun to rise. Its golden hue cast long rays through his blinds, the light taking shape and giving the dust a chance to shine. The colors washed against her back, but he wasn’t looking at that. He didn’t want to look at her.

He arose slowly, careful not to wake her before making his way to the bathroom. He kept his shower brief, and soon, the memories of the night prior infiltrated his brain. They had been together for a few weeks now. A few weeks of late-night hook-ups and early morning goodbyes. And last night, he called her by your name. She didn’t even notice.

Ashton wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. It was all numb. He could hardly feel the loofa as it scrubbed against his skin.

The morning was quiet around him. He thought about her while he spread jam on his toast. She was beautiful. She had kind eyes. But Ashton had to quit lying to himself. He never wanted to get used to the scent of her perfume on his sheets. He didn’t want to lose himself in the color of her eyes. He didn’t want to memorize her.

He grabbed his keys and drove off, skimming the coast with his tires as he dreamed of easier days. And then he called you.

“G’mornin’, Mister West Coast,” you said, and the stress of his mind eased with the tone of your voice. “You’re up early.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. The sky was lilac above the ocean. He wished you were here to see it. “Mind’s racin’, and such. Miss you.”

“Aw, miss you, too,” you replied. He could hear your smile. “How’s Sophia?”

Ashton nearly slammed on the brakes. He readjusted his grip on the steering wheel to keep his knuckles from turning white. He wanted to say, “she’s not you”, but instead, he said, “she’s okay. A little sick.”

“Wasn’t she just sick?” you asked.

He bit his lip. “Dunno.” And he truly didn’t. He didn’t know much anymore. He felt like he was a floating entity. He felt like he was living someone else’s life. “I really do miss you, stinky.”

“Stinky?” You scoffed. “I’m not stinky. You’re stinky.”

“You can’t smell me through the phone, idiot,” he said, the corners of his lips quirking upwards.

“Maybe I should just come visit and find out for myself.”

Ashton’s smile grew. “Maybe you should.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” he said.

You huffed. “Fine.”

Ashton was grinning now, cheeks burning while he stared at the road ahead. He still loved you. He didn’t know if he would ever stop.

SEVEN: IT WOULD NEVER WORK

“Don’t fucking skip my favorite song, you asshole!”

Ashton’s stomach burned from laughter. He held his phone high, yet the roof of the car kept it within arm’s reach. Meanwhile, you were fighting for dominance as he kept one hand on the steering wheel. You huffed once you gave up, and you fell back into your seat.

“C’mon,” he said, poking your thigh to earn a response. You didn’t budge. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Look, I’m changing it. Here. You control the music now.”

That pleased you. You grinned, taking the phone from his hands while he let out a laugh. This was how the week had played out. Back and forth playful bickering until you pulled out your infamous pout, and he had to keep himself from falling harder and harder in love with you.

It was a dynamic he had missed over the past year. His friends noticed as well. His feelings hadn’t changed, yet he was happy. He could finally allow himself to be happy.

You set his phone down in a cupholder and took his hand in yours. Ashton couldn’t deny the shift in energy between the two of you, yet he refused to let it overwhelm him. He refused to let his hopes get the best of his behavior. Instead, he just smiled at you and returned his gaze to the road ahead.

“Have your hands always been this big?” you asked him, holding his hand up in front of your face to examine it.

He laughed. “Are you–– are you flirting with me?”

You set your hands back onto your lap. “Maybe,” you mumbled as you traced his knuckles.

Ashton continued to smile, and a fluttering stirred in his stomach.

“Is that okay?”

His laughter quickly faded, and he cleared his throat. “Y-yeah,” he said, gripping your hand a little tighter. He traced his thumb along your thigh. A comfortable silence settled in, one full of smiles and unspoken words that kept his mind racing.

The next morning, he helped you pack your things. The security line at the airport was short, and you were already running slightly behind schedule. Your plane would begin boarding within the next half hour. So, he kept his goodbye brief.

And then you kissed his cheek, and he wanted to pull you back in and hold you forever.

“I love you, Ashton,” you said with a smile. A warm smile that held meaning. You spoke words that he had heard before, but they felt different as they settled in his chest. You turned away before he could say anything else, and he spent the drive home with tears in his eyes.

Because he loved you, and you possibly loved him, too. But he could never have you the way he wanted. There were too many miles in between.

EIGHT: YOU’RE NOT READY FOR COMMITMENT–– RIGHT?

His feet ached. His knees did, too. Sweat coated his forehead, and he carried on up the steep trail.

Ashton had been thinking about you for weeks. He was caught up in your smile and the soft words you spoke. He climbed mountains to get you out of his head. His muscles burned while his brain ached with the idea of you.

You left him with a thousand questions. Did you feel the same way? Did he still feel the same way? Is this what he wants? Does he want commitment?

Ashton was caught up in scenarios left and right. He was stuck on a house in the hills, or maybe a small town on the eastern seaboard with a mile to the ocean. He felt the waves on his shins, and he felt your hand in his with a silver ring imprinting on his skin. He saw children, and he heard their giggles. He saw his life with you.

But, even after all of these thoughts, he wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted. He still didn’t know. The mountain had yet to clear his head.

He set his keys in the bowl beside his front door. The cold shower felt like an old friend, and a familiar song echoed in the tiled room. Your favorite song. Ashton smiled.

He still loved you, even if you didn’t love him. He still wanted you. He wanted you for the rest of his life.

NINE: IT MIGHT WORK

snail butt:

hey what’s the address for mikey’s party

oh also!! surprise!

i'm coming to mikey’s party

Ashton’s leg bounced as he awaited your arrival. He felt trapped in some small room at the back of a club while his friends chatted around him. Michael wore golden party decorations around his neck, and he couldn’t stop smiling. Meanwhile, Ashton couldn’t hold back his fucking nerves. He hadn’t told a soul that you were coming.

When you stepped in, the room was yours. Your name was sung in a booming chorus, bodies making their way toward yours for one big group hug, and you were smiling, too. Ashton stayed behind. He felt like he couldn’t move.

Your eyes met his only seconds later, your smile growing while you shot him a wink. Michael talked about something that reminded him of you, and you laughed along. Ashton’s heart swelled at the sight of you. He wished he could have it every single day.

The night carried on slowly, and the conversations between the two of you were cut short. But the shared glances flooded the atmosphere. There was something heavy behind them, like a beckoning almost, but he couldn’t force himself to move in your direction. He wanted to look at you from afar.

“Stranger danger,” you said after approaching him later on in the night. You folded your arms and smirked, and Ashton was suddenly aware of how tight your dress was on your figure.

“Me?” he asked, mirroring your grin. “What d’ya mean? I’m the least terrifying person you’ll ever meet.”

“Say that to the fifteen-year-old kid who dressed up as Freddie Krueger to scare the shit out of his innocent neighbor,” you replied. You took a few steps toward him.

“To be fair,” he began and placed his hands against the small of your back, “you’re just an easy scary.” His smile grew. “Hi, bug. Missed you.”

You fell into him, arms wrapping around his shoulders while your breaths quickly fell into a rhythm. “I missed you,” you mumbled against his jacket. You pulled away suddenly. “I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?”

You nodded. “Come along,” you said.

The two of you said a quick goodbye to Michael, wished him a happy birthday, and made your way out into the chilly night. You had yet to let go of Ashton’s hand, even as he drove down streets that he hardly recognized. The address you gave him was one he had never seen before.

Ten minutes later, he was pulling up to an apartment complex fifteen or so miles away from his place.

“You gonna murder me?” he asked you.

You shook your head and smiled. “Nope,” you said.

A billion questions ran through his head as you led him up a staircase. But he stayed quiet. Even when you pulled out a set of keys and unlocked a numbered door, he still kept his mouth shut.

A lamp in the corner of the room lit up the small space. Boxes were stacked upon other boxes, and it hardly looked lived in. Yet, that didn’t matter. Ashton had realized what was happening. He felt sick to his stomach.

“I was offered a job,” you said.

He stared at the mess of boxes and mismatched furniture. Even through the clutter, it was thoroughly you through-and-through.

“And I was tired of having to constantly come visit you,” you continued with a laugh. “I didn’t wanna tell you until it was set in stone. But, yeah, welcome to my new home.”

Ashton turned to face you. You appeared nervous as you awaited his response. You were waiting for him to tell you it was a stupid idea, that you should have thought about this before packing up your life and moving to Los Angeles. But he wasn’t going to do that.

Instead, he cupped your cheeks and kissed you.

And you kissed him back.

TEN: THE FEAR OF FALLING OUT OF LOVE

He could hear the screams from backstage. A venue full of thousands of fans, all waiting to hear him and his band. He wished he hadn’t become numb to the feeling. It was his job–– it was normal. And the music he created no longer held the same meaning.

But he heard the songs differently now. He played with more passion, adrenaline rushing through his veins as his drumkit became a solace. Venues were his sanctuaries. Every night was filled with a new sensation he desired–– no, he craved.

His friends took notice. They fed off of his energy, and he wasn’t sure they had ever played this well before. It was something he wished he could share with you.

Ashton didn’t like remembering the thin line the two of you had drawn out. It was unexplainable, something unnamed that he was desperate to make sense of. Conversations were full of old jokes and stupid pictures he always saved into his camera roll. However, he never bothered to ask you how you felt. He never pressed about the one thing that stuck itself to his mind for well over a year.

He wanted to tell someone about how scared he was. Past relationships failed on his part–– he would flee instead of looking for reasons to stay. He chose to leave because he never saw things escalating further. Ashton had gotten used to the escape.

He felt different. He knew what he wanted, and he knew what he needed. Yet, the lack of reluctance created an unwanted fear. Ashton was afraid that, if you ever opened up to loving him back, then maybe he would stop loving you in return.

This fear showed itself in his performance. It fueled an anger that terrified him. But the shows were fucking phenomenal, he told himself. His hands bled after every night. And he still called you every night.

He was afraid of losing feelings. He was afraid of losing you. The idea of loving you was more beautiful than he could imagine–– the idea of you filled his heart with so much joy. That was where Ashton’s love for you differed from past relationships. He was used to falling in love with ideas, but this time, he fell in love with the honest you. He loved every little thing about you.

“Hi, bug.”

“Hey, how was the show?”

Ashton pushed sweaty strands of hair out of his face. His heart was pounding through his skin, fingers sore and shaky from an incredible set. His lips were numb. “Hi, um, it was–– yeah, it was good.”

“You sound out of breath.”

He inhaled as best as he could. “Sorry, yeah. I am.” Anxiety crawled up his forearms and into his chest.

“You okay?” you asked him.

He swallowed. He wasn’t okay, but it didn’t matter. “Yeah. I’m good. How was your day?”

“Oh, it was fine,” you said. “Didn’t do much. Watered your plants, ate your food, had a good nap on your couch, and then I––”

“I’m in love with you.”

You were silent.

Ashton’s throat burned. Everything was numb. His entire body had fallen numb. He wanted to end the call and never come home.

“You are?” you whispered a moment later.

His heart ached. “Yeah,” he said.

“Please come home soon.”

Ashton tried to laugh through the nerves building. “Can’t do that, bug. I got like forty shows left.”

“Poopy.”

This time, he could laugh. Maybe he had been nervous for nothing. Nevertheless, he now believed that he had nothing to fear.

ELEVEN: THEY MIGHT LOVE YOU BACK

The door to his home creaked as he stepped inside. A thick black night greeted him, not a single light to be seen as the white noise settled. He held his breath while he set his belongings beside the couch. It always felt like this when he came home. He was always welcomed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He would shower and crawl into bed, and he would spend the entire night in a restless state.

Ashton hadn’t expected to see you curled up in his sheets. That was where the night different from the many others. He hadn’t expected his heart to fill with such warmth at the mere sight of you. Two in the morning had never felt so good.

You held his pillow tight, and he wondered if it smelled like him. He wondered if you had spent the past few months here, and he wondered if it felt like home to you. Because you looked like home to him. It was like you were meant to be there, all curled up in his bedsheets with his shirt on your back.

Ashton knelt beside you, a smile etched on his features as he ran his fingers through your hair. He had never felt this much love before.

“Hey, bug,” he whispered, grazing his thumb against your cheek while your eyes fluttered.

You stirred beneath him and hummed.

“’m gonna shower, then I’m gonna hug you after,” he said. “Okay?”

You nodded, but a moment later, your eyes snapped open. “Ash!” you yelped. You tossed your arms around his shoulders and pressed yourself against him. “You’re fucking home.”

He chuckled, yet he didn’t reply. He held you tighter and took in your warmth. He took in your scent and the weight of your breaths. He wanted to hold you forever.

You were the first to pull away, a smile never fading as you rested your forehead against his. Your legs had wrapped around his waist, and your fingers twisted in his hair; it was a feeling he’d never let himself forget.

“You forgot to text me when you landed, asshole,” you mumbled.

He laughed again, raising his hand to cup your cheek before kissing you softly. And, like always, you kissed him back. Ashton had loved you for over a year, and perhaps, you loved him in return.

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syms-things-5 · 4 years ago

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Clear The Area - Chapter 10

Previous Chapter HERE

Warnings: Language

Summary: Back on set, Chris struggles to take his mind of things...

Chapter Ten

It had rained non-stop since Chris arrived back in Georgia which was rather befitting for his mood. The unexpected thunder and lightning had delayed some planned outdoor shots from that morning, with weather reports suggesting more was to come over the weekend. Chris was starting to wonder if he’d ever see Boston again.

“I could come and visit if you want? Keep you company?” Scott offered, downing the last of his glass containing whatever he managed to find in Chris’ liquor cabinet. He would have grabbed the next flight to Atlanta if Chris had asked him to. It was just the habit of him now to offer to do so wherever he was filming in the world.

“Nah, it’s OK. I told my Agent to tell them I had a family thing coming up so they know I can’t stay here for long.”

They had been on a video call for the past couple of hours, though not constantly talking. Scott had taken another call from a friend and Chris had been treated to a star-struck pizza delivery guy on his doorstop, but this was a nice comfort for them both. Chris was lounging around his cosy apartment in sweats and toyed with the idea of visiting the building’s gym to relieve come tension; tension that had built up in him since he inadvertently found himself face to face to Jenny 24 hours previous. Among the small production crowd that had gathered on location yesterday evening, they’d exchange brief pleasantries with him successfully dodging a hug she had initiated. Matt kept a keen eye on the media and thankfully nothing of note was registering online other than typical minor fan gossip but he could live with that. He resolved to keep his head down, get the shots in the can, and get out of there as fast as he could.

“Do you think we should look at getting that place booked again?” Scott asked, absent-mindedly scrolling through something on his phone.

“Huh? What place?”

“That cabin we stayed at in Vermont last year. That one looking over the lake? I literally just mentioned it to you. Have you not been listening to me? Mom wants to go again for her birthday.”

“Sorry, I was thinking about something else. Yeh, sure. I think I have the email of the owner somewhere. I’ll dig it out and we can take a look. Why that place?”

“It was nice and she liked having that separate guest house for Carly and the kids. It had that huge veranda with the barbecue pit. Wasn’t that where Shan thought she saw a snake?” Scott laugh at the sudden memory that had come rushing back to his mind, and Chris nearly spat out his drink.

“Oh yeh, now I remember. She freaked and wouldn’t come outside again!” he was laughing louder now and fell back on to his couch. “Jeez. We definitely have to go back now if only for that. She’ll have it.”

“We should probably not say that to Mom, though. Maybe stick to the script on this one.” Scott laughed again. “So, you coping OK?”

Chris shrugged indifferently as if he didn’t know what Scott was hinting at. It was uncomfortably humid and he was fighting off a carb come from his pizza; he really didn’t want to to get into anything too deep at this point in the day.

“Come on, don’t give me that. You’ve been a bag of anxiety for the past few weeks. I take it she’s texting you still?”

“Not really, just the usual stuff. I can handle it.”

“Just make sure you’re careful while you’re there, alright? That divorce looks nasty and you don’t wanna get wrapped up in it any more than you already are. Don’t give her any more rope to tie you with.”

“Have you been talking to Matt about me?!” Chris asked, suddenly feeling affronted. “Cos I know what I’m doing, OK? I’m not a complete idiot.”

“Only in passing. we buy the same gym clothes. And I’m not saying you’re an idiot. You just have a habit lately of thinking with something else outside of your brain.” Scott pushed back. He was leaning into his iPad a little more as if to ensure his words were getting through to Chris, now sitting a thousand miles away.

“Not all of my decisions are bad ones.” Chris shook his head in objection and he may well have believed it had he not also been keenly aware that, deep down, he’d been feeling like he was veering away from the straight and narrow of late and if Scott was picking up on it, then it was definitely a cause for concern. But there was a time and a place to assess his life choices and this was not it.

“You’ve been really, really distracted lately. Mom’s noticed it as well. Is it just this film or is there something else you’re not telling me?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m fine! I’ve got, what, four more days here and then I’m back home for the rest of the year. You can life coach me then. Honestly, I’m good. You don’t need to worry.”

Scott returned the frown and continued scrolling through his phone. Things were a bit messed up these days, Chris couldn’t exactly deny it. He didn’t know whether he was coming or going, with filming, his career, and wanting to leave LA. behind on a more permanent basis. He wasn’t getting any younger. Work aside, Jenny hadn’t particularly factored into his thoughts as much as his brother and others had assumed she had but he couldn’t very well admit to that given the alternative. In some ways, what had been happening with Sarah had very much been an indicator of what was missing from his life and what he desperately wanted to focus on. As much as they have both promised they would keep things civil and normal, there was something of a distance growing between them now, an ability to talk openly and honestly. If it hadn’t been for him lazing around their apartment the last few days before he flew out of town, he probably wouldn’t have talked to her or even seen her again. She hadn’t responded to a group WhatsApp joke he sent the other day, and she hadn’t responded again after he forwarded a cute picture of a labrador wearing medical scrubs. If there was one thing that always guaranteed you a response, it was dogs dressed as humans. He tried to put her in the back of his mind and focus on getting the film finished.

“We should put you and Sarah in a room together. Might get you both back to normal.” Scott may have intended his comment to be offhanded as he looked down at his phone again but Chris found himself keen to explore what he meant.

“What’s going on? Has she said something?”

“I was hoping you;’d know more to be honest. You practically live with them now.” Scott insinuated. “Mom says she’s been working loads and when she’s not working, she’s sleeping. That stuff with Charlotte’s really messed her up, I guess.”

He felt guilty hearing this. He hovered over her name and contemplated sending her a casual text but what could he say that didn’t sound as fraught as he was feeling? He could be funny and check Shanna hadn’t killed her. Maybe he could fake some emergency? OK, now you’re just being ridiculous, Chris thought to himself. And desperate. But sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures...

Chris 18.02pm: This feels weird

He chucked his phone to his side hoping he would stop thinking about it if he paid it no attention. He got up to get another beer from his fridge and spied the pre-made protein shakes that had been waiting for him upon his arrival. He knew he should be in the gym. He knew he shouldn’t have eaten a full pizza when he was supposed to be maintaining his training plan so he would feasibly look the same as before production wrapped the first time. As he rubbed his hand over his softer stomach he found it increasingly hard to care. He could figure that out another time.

As he stared into the abyss, he heard his phone vibrate on his couch. Against his better judgement he could feel a fluttering start in his stomach and he prayed to whomever was listening that he could just, for once, catch a fucking break.

Sarah 18.14pm: I know. I’m sorry. There’s a lot going on right now

He could picture her typing and deleting messages over and over again like she always did, chronically unsure of herself, and figured he should probably give her a break also.

Chris 18.17pm: I understand. Just miss talking to you. Scott’s not as friendly and he doesn’t laugh at my jokes

Sarah 18.18pm: :)

OK, an emoji. That’s a good start, he would take that.

Chris 18.21pm: how’s work?

Sarah 18.24pm: Busy but good. Today I removed a dice from a kids nose

Chris burst out laughing, leaning back onto his couch. They enjoyed listening to Sarah recount her days and the fairly bizarre stuff she ended up being witness to. He enjoyed himself even more watching his mother recoil in horror and fleeing the room when she was being particularly graphic.

“Woah! What is it? What’s going on?” Scott shouted through the screen, first in shock and then confusion. He’d forgotten Scott was even there. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh it’s...nothing. Shouldn’t you be heading to dinner?”

“Oh fuck, yeh. Don’t wanna give him another reason to be pissed off with me. I’ll catch you later, yeh?”

“Don’t worry about it. If I don’t hear from you again, I’ll assume you lovebirds have kissed and made up.”

Scott huffed. “Fat chance.”

A quick click and he was gone leaving Chris smiling at his phone like an idiot. He wondered if she could tell her was happy to finally hear from her, that they were joking, that a smiling emoji had been enough to lift the funk he was currently in.

Chris 18.33pm: I’m so jealous of you right now...

Sarah 18.36pm: Ha! Georgia can’t be that bad

Chris 18.37pm: I’d much rather be there

That wasn’t even half the story.

Four Days Earlier

He shouldn’t have been looking at her curled up on the couch. He shouldn’t have been focussing on the subtle way her throat moved when she swallowed a spoonful of mint choc chip from the bowl placed precariously in her lap, or the way her eyes crinkled when she chuckled at something funny in the film. Or her toes curling and then uncurling from inside her stripy red socks. What even were they watching again? Oh, The Other Guys. Shanna had chosen it and he’d been stuck ever since he’d arrived at theirs, beer in hand, hopeful for some last-minute fun before he had to return to Savannah.

Sarah leaned down the side of the couch to grab her bottle from off the floor and he blinked away as she took a long drink. He excused himself and got up from the couch. The kitchen windows were wide open and he breathed the fresh air in. This was getting ridiculous. His sister was a mere three feet away from him for fuck’s sake.

“What’s up with you?” Shan asked. She had followed him in without him realising, grabbing some more ice cream from their freezer. “If you’re bored, go out. I’m sure there’s people who’d love to entertain you for the night.” She rolled her eyes.

“Oh fuck off, I’m not bored. I’m just stretching my legs is all. It’s not against the law, is it?” he practically spat back at her. He regretted it when he saw her stunned expression. “Sorry.”

“I don’t know what has gotten into you lately but can you please sort it out before you’re back? I really don’t need Mom bothering me every hour asking me what you’re up to while you’re here. It’s getting ridiculous.” She turned and left the kitchen, the full tub in hand, unwilling to allow the mood he was clearly in to mess up her evening of doing nothing.

Maybe it was a bad idea to come here tonight. Shanna was probably right. He should have tried distracting himself with something, or someone, else only now he didn’t much feel like going out. He wasn’t dressed right, his phone only had 5% battery, and he was bored of the local bars which surprised even himself.

“Are you OK?” Sarah asked quietly, unsure of whether he’d heard her at first until he looked up from where he was sat at the table. She placed her bowl on the side of the sink and he allowed himself a brief moment of respite in thinking he decided so come just so she could check up on him.

“Yeh. Sorry for disturbing your evening.” He gave her his best sheepish smile.

Sarah brushed him off, “Don’t worry about it but if you want any ice cream, you should get some fast before Shan finished it off.”

“I think she might stab me with her spoon if I tried that.” He wasn’t kidding.

“I keep forgetting to mention this to you but I still have that dress, um, if you need to give it back to Matt or someone? Shan said she was going to keep hers but I wasn’t sure what to do about it.”

She was nervously playing with her hands and for a split second, he saw her with softly curly hair and the jewellery she wore with it on the night. That night. That night that had fucked him up in more ways than one. He could pinpoint his recent mood shift back to that night at the party, dealing with his drunken friends and the photographs that kept cropping up on the internet even now, so long afterwards, with people carefully dissecting every inch of his place that was on show, trying to work out if he was with someone. It wasn’t Jenny or the thought of being back on that set that was concerning to him but rather that the only time he’d felt happy and alive in recent weeks was when he was existing in the same room as his sister’s best friend. Sarah was somewhat calming to him. She had shit to deal with and so did he but he didn’t have to hide it in the same way he did with his family. And now, as she stood in front of him in her two-sizes-too-big hoodie and sweatpants, he wanted nothing more than to throw himself at her and let her hold him for a minute.

“You should keep it.” He nodded gently at her after what was undoubtedly too long a pause. “It looks good on you.”

“Oooh you should wear it on your date with Greg!” Shanna announced, making her presence known as she reached up for the chocolate sauce from the top of the fridge.

“It’s not a date!” Sarah denied as quickly as Shanna had opened her mouth. If Chris had been trying to hide the flash of unease that just moved across his face, he’d failed entirely. She turned back to the Chris. “It’s just a work thing.”

Shanna’s eyebrows looked like they were about to leave her forehead in surprise. “It is definitely a date and if you wear that dress, he’ll be all over you.”

Present day...

Shanna had a knack for creating awkward moments. If Chris had focussed hard enough, he could have grabbed the sauce bottle out of her hand and thrown it at the back of her head with unnerving accuracy. Except it wouldn’t have made him feel any better from the needling feeling he was getting in his stomach, it wouldn’t have served any purpose whatsoever. It certainly wouldn’t have stopped Sarah from practically blanking him for the rest of the evening.

He knew it wasn’t a date no matter how hard Shanna had been insinuating it was. According to Lisa, the UAPD was throwing a networking event of sorts to introduce doctors in the North East to medical Reps and unionists from across the country. The website he’d looked at made it seem akin to some kind of political rally that he used to attend alongside his Uncle, filled with men and women in smart but unremarkable suits holding clipboards and throwing their contact details around like candy. It appeared, by many accounts, to be a relatively full affair. He was surprised she had agreed to go. He’d never much figured her for a “company-man”.

Chris 19.35pm: Enjoy your night. Don’t speak to any strange men.

She was probably being bored to death by one as he spoke. He hoped she’d see his message and smile and be relieved that she had the option of someone else to entertain her during the long speeches if she had wanted but after a few hours of nothing he gave up hoping and resigned himself to a long night’s rest. This was probably for the best. He was tired and had a long day ahead of him if they had any chance of catching up on the missed scenes from today, and he’d be damned if he was staying here beyond Monday night.

He enjoyed a long, long shower and brushed his teeth before climbing into bed with his iPad to read over the new sides for tomorrow’s shoot in the park.

Sarah 11.38pm: Nope starange men. Just me lol

Chris 11.44pm: Wow....are you drunk??!!

Bless her. He could imagine her and Audrey giving up the speeches and making the most of the free bar. He’ll have to make sure to invite Audrey to his next gathering.

Sarah 11.48pm: On a school night. Sssssshhhhh

Chris 11.49pm: Shame behaviour, Ms Bernette

Sarah 11.54pm: As if your’e not doing the same

Chris 11.56pm: I’ll have you know I am tucked up in bed like a good boy

Sarah 11.58pm: Thats disappppointing Christopher

He couldn’t explain the thrill he got from her using his full name. He couldn’t recall her ever using it in the years she’s known him.

Chris 12.03am: I’ll have to make up for it when I’m home ;)

Sarah 12.08am: Can’t wait to seee that. I like drunk Christopher

Drunk Christopher was a fucking idiot, he thought, and she was one of a few people who knew that better than anyone. Drunk Christopher was someone who made risky decisions and initiated impromptu dance competitions against people who would wipe the floor with him. He was someone who pulled out his cap shield without anyone having to ask, and enjoyed drinks he could set fire to. What was his excuse for being an idiot here and now? He certainly wasn’t drunk, not even remotely so, but he’d be lying if he didn’t feel slightly light-headed at the thought of Sarah wanting his attention.

Chris 12.12am: Are you wearing the dress?

Three dots quickly appeared then disappeared. A few minutes passed and he saw them again, transfixed by what might have been going through her mind, what was she wanting to say to him then thinking better of?

Sarah 12.21am: Not anymore

Fuck. He knew what he wanted to say back; he’d been at this rodeo many times before. He’d even typed out and stared at his screen before deciding against sending it. She was drunk and clearly not thinking straight, and he didn’t want her to see messages she would come to regret in the morning and push her further away from him. It wasn’t right of him to corner her, not like this. If this was something they were going to explore, they’d need to be face to face and not three sheets to the wind.

It was going to be a long week.

#chris evans #chris fic #evans fic #chris evans x original female character #clear the area #fan fiction #sarah bernette

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supernaturaltfwmeme · 5 years ago

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Between the lines. Part 4

Summary:The reader is at Stanford with Sam and a few other familiar faces. She gets introduced to Dean, an FBI agent for help with a paper. The two grow even closer when Dean learns about her daughter and her troublesome situation. Check out the other parts here.

Pairing: Dean x reader.

Warnings: Language, Domestic abuse.

Something about this whole thing didn’t sit right with Dean and he wasn’t going anywhere until he knew you were ok. He knocked on the door again louder this time.

Inside Daniel Grabbed you and shoved you towards the door.

“Get rid of him.” He spat. You didn’t want to know what would happen if you went against him so you carefully opened the door. You came face to face with a worried dean.

“Y/n/n, what the hell happened to you? Are you ok?” Dean asked trying to look around you.

“I’m fine de. I just fell.” You lied.

“If you ‘just fell’ why did you tell Charlie you got into a fight at the bar.” Shit of course Charlie would talk to Dean about it, she’s known the Winchesters her whole life.

“I knew Charlie wouldn’t believe that I fell.” You say. Technically that wasn’t a lie.

“Neither do I y/n/n.” You step outside closing the door behind you.

“Dean you have to go.”

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re ok sweetheart.”

“Dean I'm fine really but I need you to leave please.” you try and push him back towards his car. You were getting desperate. You knew if Dean stayed any longer Daniel would hurt him too.

“Y/n what the hell is goin’ on?”

“Look I can’t talk right now ok just please leave ok, I promise I'm fine just go before..”

“Before what?”

“Before it gets worse.”

“Y/n..”

“Dean just go home.” You snapped. But it did the trick Dean just sighed defeatedly before heading back over to his car. You watched him pull off and leave before heading back inside. The second you got inside Daniel was screaming again. You knew what was coming.

A few days had gone by since you Dean had shown up on your doorstep, he’d been none stop calling and texting you to make sure you we’re alright. Every time he did, Daniel got more and more angry at you. He was convinced you had cheated on him that night, apart from to go to classes, work and pick Amelia up, he hadn’t let you out of his sight. You’d been avoiding all of your friends; you knew that they had an idea of what was happening but they didn’t understand nobody would understand. And that’s why you couldn’t tell them.

You were just leaving the library when you felt someone grab your wrist and pull you down the side of the building out of sight, you winced at the contact. They had barely even touched you but you already had a particularly nasty bruise there. And just about everywhere else that your clothes would cover. You looked up at the person whose hand was attached to your arm. It was Sam. And Charlie was standing just behind him. Sam noticed you wince at the contact and gently pulled your sleeve up seeing the purple skin before sharing a look with Charlie. You didn’t dare look at them.

“Y/n/n I know you probably don’t want to but please tell us what happened. We're your friends we can help.” Sam said sympathetically. You shook your head.

“You can’t help no one can.”

“Y/n we already know what happening, but you need to talk to us. It might make you feel a little better just to talk about it.” Charlie added.

“You won’t understand.” You said furiously wiping at the tear that had made its way down your face.

“Try us.” Sam said, giving you a reassuring smile. You took a shaky breath and finally made eye contact with your friends.

“Daniel he- uh- he likes to drink and when w-when he gets drunk he gets so mad and and..” You couldn’t finish the sentence. Tears now flowing freely down your face. Charlie pulled you into a tight hug for a minute until you had calmed down before letting go.

“y/n/n, why don’t you just leave him?” Sam asked.

“I can’t it’s not that simple.” you admitted.

“Why not?”

“Because he has us trapped there, he pays all the bills my job just covers the stuff I need for school and my car, he pays for everything else. And nobody is going to take us in. I don’t have any family to turn to. But he only hits me and I can deal with it.” You rambled without thinking.

“Us?” Sam asked confused. Your eyed went wide and you started to panic again. That is until you felt Charlie lightly squeeze your upper arm.

“Y/n, just tell him. It’s Sam he’s not going to judge you.” You nodded your head taking another shaky breath. Charlie was right.

“I have a daughter.”

“You woah that’s, wait she’s not Daniel’s, is she?”

“No.”

“Thank god. What’s her name? How old is she?” Sam asked a little excited.

“Amelia and she’s 4.”

“Wow. Can I meet her?” Sam sounded almost nervous. That made you smile. You were seriously beginning to question why you ever hid her from your friends.

“Of course you can, I'm sure she’d love to meet her uncle Sammy.”

“Oh my god I'm an uncle, this is oh my god I need to sit down.” You couldn’t help but laugh at Sam as he sat down on the nearby wall.

“Y/n, you really need to both get out of that house or get Daniel out, if not for you then for that little girl.” Charlie said

“I can’t.”

“Maybe you should talk to Dean, he can help. Hell it’s literally his job.” Sam added.

“Sam I c..”

“Can’t I know, but can you at least think about it.”

“Ok I'll think about it.” You promised.

“Sam one more thing.” Sam looked in your direction.

“You can’t tell anyone about Amelia ok?”

“I wont y/n/n. Promise.”

Later that night you were at home getting ready for work, you were trying to find an outfit that would cover your bruises, without making you to hot. You settled on a pair of blue skinny jeans with rips at the knees, a white top with long black sleeves and an ACDC logo on it and your black high-top converse. Not too long after you were pulling into the parking lot of a local bar, known as Harvelle’s roadhouse. It was the cops local watering hole of choice and also happened to be where you worked.

“Hey there Cinderella.” You couldn’t help but laugh at Ash’s nickname for you.

“Really ash, you’re never gonna let that one go, are you?” You said as you walked behind the bar, tying an apron around your waist.

“Never.” Ash turned to face you.

“Jesus Cinders, those bruises still there? How hard did this girl hit you?” Ash asked referring to the lie you had told him about the fight you’d had with a girl when you went out the other night.

“Eh don’t worry about it Ash, I've had worse.” It was sad but true. You slid Ash a PBR.

“Where’s Jo? I thought she was working tonight?” Ash didn’t say anything just nodded his head to the pool table at the other end of the room where Jo was laughing at something a guy was saying and twirling her hair. After a few minutes of Jo not getting the reaction she wanted she walked back over to the bar.

“Struck out Jo?” you teased.

“I’m not sure, maybe he’s playing hard to get.” She sulked leaning against the bar. The man Jo was talking to was playing pool with two other men and two women. The guy and one of his friends had their backs to you, but you could see the other man and the two women. The other guy looked older maybe mid 50’s and was wearing a suit. The woman with the short dark hair was wearing some sort of police uniform and looked around mid 40’s and the slightly short woman had long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and was also wearing a police uniform looked to be in her early 30’s.

You turned your attention to a random customer waiting at the bar, not noticing the group approach the other end of the bar where Jo was to take a seat after having finished their game. You turned around to talk to Jo and noticed a familiar face.

“Cas?” You walked over to the four people sitting there, the man Jo had been flirting with was nowhere to be seen.

“y/n is that you?” you smiled at the slightly older man.

“It’s good to see you again.”

“You too Cassy.” Cas pulled his face at the nickname.

“Well would you look what the cat dragged in.” You heard a familiar voice say from behind Cas. The man Jo had been flirting with.

“Dean.” You smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s a bar sweetheart.” You laughed at that.

“Wait you two know each other?” Jo asked.

“Yeah this is Sam’s big brother.”

“Oh so this is the guy you were out with when you were ignoring my texts.” Jo teased making you blush.

“Ooo had cinders got a crush.” Ash joined in.

“Oh shut it ‘Dr badass’. “

“Cinders ay?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“As in Cinderella.” You explained.

“Why does he call you Cinderella?”

“Because it doesn’t matter if she’s at work or you’ve convinced her to come out, she always disappears before midnight.” Jo explained laughing. Making you roll your eyes.

“That’s funny I couldn’t get rid of you until midday.” Dean added taking a swig of his beer.

“Oh you had to make that sound so much worse than it was didn’t you.” You laughed. Jo, Cas and Ash looking between you both and the obvious flirting going on.

“Are you not gonna introduce us ya idgit.” The older man Said to Dean.

“Sorry, y/n/n this is bobby, my boss. And this is Jody and Donna, they both work at the station where my mom does, and Jody is and old friend of Bobby’s too. Guys this is Y/n y/l/n. She goes to school with Sammy.” Dean explained. You all greeted each other and carried on the conversation. You and Dean flirted back and forth for the rest of your shift.

Over the next couple of weeks you and Dean texted back and forth getting closer every day. You hid it front Daniel as best as you could, deleting messages and stuff. He didn’t like you being friends with Charlie, never mind Sam and now Dean. Today was no different, Dean had just finished his morning shift, and you were stuck at school.

I’ve got to go to my stupid creative writing class and it sucks it’s so boring. You texted Dean.

Oh come on, it can’t be that bad. Dean texted back

I mean Sam, Charlie and Jess are in the class with me, but it still sucks.

If only you had someone to save you from it.

Yeah if only. You replied but Dean never texted you back.

After about 20 minutes of class someone knocked on the door.

“Come in.” your teacher, Professor Crowley, said. In walked Dean in his suit and flashed his badge.

“Mr Crowley is it? I’m Agent Winchester i need a word with one of your students and I wouldn’t expect her back a er.” Dean make a dramatic show of flipping through a notebook and stopping on a page before continuing.

“Miss y/n y/l/n?”

“Yes of course, you heard the agent y/n.” Crowley ushered you out. Sam, Jess and Charlie could barely hold back their laughter.

When you got outside the class room you turned to Dean.

“De what the hell is going on?”

“I’m saving you from the boring class sweetheart, now let’s go before Sammy, Charlie and Jess blow my cover.” Dean grabs your hand and starts dragging you down the hallway. You felt a jolt of electricity run through you at the contact but didn’t let go. Dean didn’t drop you hand until you made it to the impala and both climbed inside.

Before Dean could even start the car his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a text from Sam.

Could of got us all out of here De.

When you look like her Sammy maybe I will

Bitch

Jerk. Dean Laughed putting his phone down and starting the car

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“You’ll just have to wait and see sweetheart.” Dean laughed.

“Really De, you kidnap me from class and can’t even tell me where your taking me.”

“Pretty much.”

“Fine.” You pouted, “but I have to be back here for 3.” you told him.

“Why’s that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know Winchester.” Dean drove for a little while, drumming on the steering wheel and dancing in his seat making you laugh, before pulling up to an empty field on the edge of town turning his music up and climbing out of the car leaving his door open and instructing you to do the same. He went to his trunk and pulled out his blanket and a couple of beers. He put down the blanket laying down of top of it and patting the space next to him. He passed you a beet and just stared up at the sky.

“Dean what are we doing?”

“Cloud gazing.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Why?”

“Because you won’t let me take you out late enough to stargaze.” He shrugged. You spent the next few hours pointing out random clouds and coming up with ridiculous things they were and just talking it was nice.

You and Dean had been getting along so well recently, you really felt like there could be something there. Maybe someone would actually want you and could help you get away from Daniel. The only problem was he didn’t know about Amelia yet. But you were going to change that. You were going to tell him. Today

On the drive back to Stanford, you turned to Dean.

“Hey de.”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“I have something to...” You were interrupted by the sound of Deans phone ringing. He gave you an apologetic smile.

“Sorry do you mind if I?”

“No go ahead.”

“Winchester.” Dean said answering the phone, his face immediately dropped. You could only hear Deans side of the conversation.

“Lisa I don’t know how many times I have to tell you we’re not getting back together. Ever.” Dean paused for a minute letting the person on the other end, Lisa, talk.

“You know why.” He paused again.

“Because I refuse to raise a child that’s not mine.”

Tags: @waywardaardvark79 @vicmc624 @frackinawesomeninja @carryon-doctor-lock @supernatural508

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naturaldisasterfanfiction · 4 years ago

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A day later and I feel like everything that happened was just a dream, like the Diamond Ball didn’t happen, but it did and it went well but that is to my face of course, but now the question on everyone’s lips is who is the father. I don’t have my mobile on me, I gave it Dennis and told him to keep it to him because I don’t want to see what is being said about me, I am not stupid. I know they all are being nice to me because they are at my event, speaking to Cardi she was happy for me but then it kind of slid out on who is the dad and I felt so defensive about it so I need to just step back and not be so uptight about something any person would ask, I would ask. I am nosey like that but no, I was there like dog with a bone when someone insinuated about who the dad is, I need to just calm down with how I react but it’s done now and I know Jen is out there waiting for me to get out, she has been coming to my bedroom door asking constantly when I am coming out, I know they will have a lot of things to tell me which I have been ignoring, I just feel a little weird that people know and are now judging me but who cares. I think I am a little too overprotective and I felt myself slip and I didn’t like people touching my stomach too, when I say people I know these people, but they aren’t family, the excitement got the better of them. I had photographers near falling over each other to get a picture, they shouted many things, they didn’t want my family on the carpet, they were in the way. Let’s just say I made the right decision to release the information myself before I went on the carpet, I still find it slightly funny that the video does look like I am releasing skin care so I can only imagine how my fans felt.

I have left my slumber, I told everyone to leave me alone for a full day after the ball, so this is kind of like the first day seeing my family since. I just needed peace, but I can only imagine the messages I am getting, I told Dennis to answer them unless it’s important then leave them and I will answer them but I have been given space so now it is time to face the music “if it isn’t the lazy bitch herself, she shouted at me twice. Shouting ever so loudly saying don’t come and wake up, I am ok. Leave me alone, you lucky Monica is here, and she said let you rest, cause chile. We been working” they all look busy “well I am here for the talk; I am guessing everyone is being dramatic?” pulling the chair out “you want some food baby?” my mom asked, I huffed out as I sat down “not right now no, I am ok. You got Noella working too? Look at her” I am impressed “do you know how many messages you are getting; Dennis couldn’t deal. Your fans are using your email address for your business ventures to either complain or say how happy they are, so I am helping out, it’s fun to read and delete. But I am glad you are all rested up, after a long night and a lot of controversy it was a needed rest for you” smiling at my cousin “thank you, someone agrees. I know y’all was bugging” I chuckled “well we needed to ask for help on some shit” Jen said side eyeing me.

I can tell they are working hard, they are incredibly quiet “so tell me, what is being said? Give me the negatives, some positives also. Thank you” I am prepared for the negatives, I mean the main one is the father of the child, I know that will be o. people’ mind rent free, it’s annoying but of course it will be the main subject “interesting night, you are still trending on twitter. Rihanna pregnant is trending still. Along with Drake, Hassan Jameel and Chris Brown. Any takers on who they think the baby father is? There is an actual poll on this, I just voted for it to see if I was right” Jen is not shit, shaking my head at her “oh let me vote!” Ja shouted across “I think Hassan won, hear me out. It is because you was quiet and mysterious with him and they will all think it is him, I think he won anyways” look at these assholes predicting shit “I say Drake” Noella put her hand up “one hundred percent Drake” shaking my head at the people I call friends “I expected better from you Melissa, Dennis you might as well add your fucking opinion too” poor guy wants to say it but he is stopping himself “I uh, no it’s ok” Jen hit his arm “she won’t fire you, Ja is still living and breathing” Dennis looked at me and I am just done with them, they can do what they like “I think it is between Hassan and Drake” nodding my head “what about you Jen?” Jen giggled, she is not shit “well I voted Drake also and the winner in this poll is” Jen smirked at me “your favourite go to man and it is Drake” I laughed shaking my head “this is what is fuelling the rumours, listen to this. Drake has been seen partying with Rihanna in London and as yet, hear this. He had yet to confirm if the rumours are true. He has not posted anything since the announcement” shaking my head sighing out “wow ok, so I am ok to be a step mom with Drake but if it were Chris it’s hell, so nobody voted for Chris?” I am curious to know “he is actually last on the list, crazy” that is interesting to know, they really think it’s Drake’ baby and he is just not posting just to fuel that.

Chewing on my bottom lip thinking, it’s jus mind blowing to me to think people would want me to be with Drake or even Hassan then Chris, when Chris out of them both is the sweetest, he is very misjudged in so many ways. Drake is actually a dickhead and Hassan wanted things I couldn’t give him, he did make me happy but I am not willing to change me in any way where I had to leave my religion and he wasn’t either, but he was manipulative in some ways too, I just never win with men. With Chris he likes to be real, not everyone can handle real “Jay wants to speak to you” Dennis said “tell him I don’t want to speak to him, he didn’t want to come to my event but wants to tell me about myself? I know that nigga want to come at me because I lied, I didn’t tell him. Text him back right now, you tell him. When I am ready to speak to you I will, this is my journey without your chains. Bye” I spat, I knew he was coming out of the woodwork “I have a lot of messages about who the father is, what should I say?” Jen asked “I don’t want no interviews, magazine or whatever I don’t care. The father is” I dragged out, what do I say. I need to think “I am not saying it is Chris, just put that the father does not want to be disclosed and that I need time of privacy, something along those lines. Next?” I mean they obviously been waiting for me to come out of my slumber “nothing really, we just wanted to see you. But the dress you wore, it sold out already. You have been praised with how elegant you looked; how beautiful you look. I mean look at this picture” Ja turned the laptop to me, my smile grew “I look good you know” I am taken aback by how happy I look, I was stressing so much in the SUV and then look at that, my happiness “lots of compliments, the compliments is more then the hate anyways. But we just wanted to see you and baby Fenty, see you are both ok” I cooed out “how cute of you all, I feel a weight has been lifted. Just have another to go” I am going to have to tell Chris, I think it is time “I need to speak to you Robyn” Mel said “shall we go somewhere” nodding my head ad I got up.

Mel touched my stomach “it’s so nice to see you pregnant, I can’t wait to meet baby Fenty. It’s going to be so exciting” smiling down at my stomach “same” I said in a whisper “how are you feeling? Truthfully, with everything that had come you now. Do you feel like a weight has been lifted?” I shrugged “I think the weight will be lifted once I see Chris, once I tell him and explain to him. At the end of the day I have kept a child he don’t know about and as a father to this child he has every right to know, so I feel like I have done bad and makes me no different from any other girl, he may not have wanted that. But I will be truthful to him and say if you don’t want to know then it’s fine, I won’t be upset about it because then I will just have to work harder with loving my child, but I know Chris. I mean I am just, yeah. I think I need this talk, I am ready for him to get me angry” Mel laughed “you seem so relieved to know Chris is the dad then Drake or Hassan” I breathed out “oh my god, they are unbearable and it makes it worse when you don’t love the person, you don’t care them. This baby, it’s just my mom is right. It was meant to come; I mean I know we used a condom. I would have been a young mother really if we let what happened in the past happen, but I am ok with it being Chris, but his reaction will be interesting” Mel laughed nervously “same, well I have to admit something to you. Don’t bark at me, let me just say it” letting out an oh, I should have known she done something dumb “so I text Chris because I really wanted him to come to the Ball, I feel like he needs to be told sooner rather then later. That is just me. I messaged him that himself and Mijo can come, I will be there. I just think you know it would be good, he is family now but he replied back that he loves me and that Rihanna is foul, she knows what she did and that you need to take your drunken sex with talks somewhere else, and I was like oh shit he mad, mad and now I am like you got issues, but I did that” staring at my Mel with my mouth hung open.

I am shocked he is angry at me telling him to go “now he is being petty, fuck that” I said laughing “what did you do to him?” Mel asked, but I didn’t do anything and that’s the funny part “we had sex, we literally got drunk, we made out and had sex. I woke up like fuck, he is here still and told him to go unless he was expecting me to hug him after that? You are kidding me?” I didn’t do anything to him, he can’t be real “but you don’t know what he was feeling, in his mind he was probably wanting all that lovey dovey shit, I mean when I was looking at you both. You looked so happy; he was smiling. Maybe he did want that? He does love you; I mean plenty of men do but the love between you both is different, he was probably on a different page, you was on a I need sex page and he was probably on a I just want to love this woman. But he is hurt, so I am guessing he is going to be butt hurt about the fact I invited him and then found out you pregnant?” I groaned out “it’s kind of worse now, but either way I need to get this done before I leave California so since you want to be so fucking confident in messaging him behind my back, I said no because I wasn’t going to tell him before. You can now get him to come here, find a way” getting up from the couch.

That makes me laugh so much, he is such an asshole. He was the same nigga having me and Kae at the same time and I lowered myself to that fucking level and he wants to be butt hurt over telling him to go, I swear to god. I feel angry at it, how can he be angry when he had me and didn’t treat me right then, I am pissed. Mel told me that now I am just irritated, I feel anger towards him, and I feel like now I want to argue with him, but I won’t, because this has to be a grown talk. I can’t even comprehend the foolish man being hurt by what I did, what about me. We didn’t end on mutual fucking terms, I walked away from him and had the fucking nerve to be upset when he had Kae on the low, he went back to that and how the fuck did he think I felt and then he still had the fucking nerve to turn up to New York acting brand new, I tried of his ass and now I am angry at him “are you arguing with yourself?” Jen said, shaking my head in annoyance, I am annoyed “nothing” I just said “are you all going out tonight? I need the place to myself and don’t come back till late” Jen raised an eyebrow “Chris should be here, it’s about time we have that conversation, you know” Jen let out an oh “oh I see, ok I get it. I will make sure to clear the home then, wish I could be here. It’s always drama with you both” I sniggered; she is right.

Mel waved me over “I don’t want to move though” I whined out “please” she eye balled me, she has been missing for a while now so let me see what is up “I will be back mom” getting up from the couch, making my way to Mel “I am just tired” Mel announced, she is tired but yet she caused her own mess because I said for her to not invite him “I guess it’s not working out huh” we went into the spare living room “well” Mel dragged out, sitting down on the couch and watching Mel. She looks so sad right now, I think Chris may have annoyed her “so, I messaged him. I said to come to the home we are in currently. Robyn needs to speak to you. He messaged back pretty quick and he said we are playing a games, we wanted to shame him in front of every one, this was all a ploy to make him look a fool. He said he can’t believe that you are having a baby by a bitch ass nigga, he doesn’t want to see you. That you used him, you are foul, I am foul. We are bad people for him. I then said, it’s not how you think it was, she can explain but you need to come here, he said no. Robyn is playing a game and he is done, he doesn’t want to see you, and at this point I am annoyed so I said, you don’t want to see her pregnant and happy? You want her to be bitter or something. He messaged back saying don’t get involved Mel, Robyn is a bitch. So yeah, that happened” he is so fucking lost, he is so fucked in the mind that he likes to hear himself “the only bitch ass nigga is him, I am not going to chase him about this. If he don’t want to care and play ball with the fact I want to see him then I am done, I will message him myself, but if he doesn’t then so be it” unlocking my phone “he may change his attitude if you do it, he think we played a game and now he’s hurt you’re pregnant by what I assume Drake” I will try this with him but I hate that I am having to do this through Instagram, tapping on his name to message him ‘I really need to speak to you, I think you will regret this moment if you don’t. Leave your ego at the door and listen to me when I say this, you either come tonight or you don’t’ pressing send on the message.

Chris and I have been going back and forth on messages, like I am doing this with him through Instagram. Reading his last message ‘You are just jealous that I am not sprung on you so STOP acting like I am! Now you want me to come there to fuck with me’ he is still stuck on the tiresome conversation “I am losing the will to live” I said to myself as I typed back to him ‘Nigga, you are so fucking sprung on me that is why you are fucking crying in my messages about one night! I am not answering any messages to you any more, you either come or don’t!!!!!’ pressing send, I am fucking annoyed. He is being so butt hurt and also vile that I left him hung, I am just not going to continue this over messages “you think you can handle him if he does come?” Mel asked, good question “there will be an argument before we even speak properly. I will be ok, he is the biggest stress I got right now” it will be interesting to see if he does arrive but knowing him he will come, I believe he will anyways.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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daysswithyou · 5 years ago

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Fallen Chapter 25: Done deal

previous / next

Characters: DAY6 Young K x OC (Rachel)

Warning!: Cursing and swearing

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The moment Younghyun got the notification and saw the video – the first person he thought of was you. Not Ayeon whom he wanted to ruin, not about his reputation that’s been tarnished – but you.

You who must be hurting now because of him,

You who must be forced to relive your nasty breakup with Jaebeom,

You who must have lost all your faith in him.

And that last part scared him the most. He can’t lose you now, not when he’s grown to love you. You’ve made him feel safe, loved and cherished – and you deserved to feel the same way with someone that knew how to truly love you. Yet… he failed to give you that. Pushing his crippling thoughts to the back of his mind, Younghyun set off in search of you, dialling your number repeatedly only to be met with a voicemail message. He expected as much – you were probably too angry to hear him out. He tried dialling the entire team – those that picked up either did not know where you were, or he was sent straight to voicemail again. Younghyun was getting desperate, until he overheard conversation from Mr Kim as he was passing by the lobby.

“Rachel Hwang? Yes, that’s my student. She’s at the Sacred Hearts Hospital with Esther and Jae Park? Thank you, I will head over immediately to check on her and inform her guardian.”

Before Mr Kim turned to face Younghyun, Younghyun was already running towards the hospital. He remembered seeing it on the way to the resort, it’s not far from here… he’ll be able to reach you shortly. But how on earth did you end up in the hospital?

---

Younghyun burst through the doors of the hospital and bumped into a few people in the process, hastily throwing apologies over his shoulders as he earned a few scowls from the staff. He reached the front desk counter and slapped a hand on the counter for support as he gulped in large breaths of air. The sound startled the service staff behind the desk, and they raised their eyebrows at Younghyun for the poor impression that he’s made.

Straightening his back and looking into the eyes of the service staff – whom looked thoroughly pissed at him by the way – Younghyun finally got his question out.

“Rachel Hwang… I’m here to see her.”

“Patient confidentiality sir. Unless you can prove that you’re her family, I cannot give you this information.”

“I’m- I’m her boyfriend. I know the friends she came with, Jae Park and Esther. Mr Kim is my teacher.”

The service staff deemed that information enough to let Younghyun through.

“Level 2, room 208.”

“Thank you!”

Without even waiting for a reply from the service staff, Younghyun bounded up the steps two at a time, not even bothering to wait for the lift.

---

Jae left the room for a short while to get drinks for himself and Esther. Esther too had cried herself dry once Rachel was fast asleep and she needed to replenish the fluids lost. As he waited for the vending machine to finish dispensing the bottled water, Jae heard the sound of someone frantically climbing up the steps. He wondered who on earth was causing such a huge commotion in a hospital and when his head turned, the bottled water was forgotten as Jae rushed forward to stop Younghyun from entering the room. Younghyun didn’t see Jae coming – too focused on getting to you – and he only felt someone slam into him, and the impact sent him stumbling back a few feet. He was about to swear at whoever blocked him but the words promptly died in his throat when he realised that it was Jae.

“Jae, how is she? I’m going to see Rachel now, talk later.”

Younghyun attempted to move past Jae but Jae held him in place by the collar of his shirt. Jae’s eyes stared dead into Younghyun’s, his eyes looking like 2 bottomless pits.

“Jae, what are you doing? Let go of me, I need to see her now.”

“No. If you go in there now, Esther will beat you into a pulp and I will not save you.”

“I swear, it’s not what you think it is, which is why I have to explain myself.”

“Explain it to who? To fuming mad Esther that will no longer listen to you? Or an unconscious Rachel that cannot even hear you?”

“Rachel… is… unconscious?”

“Yes, it’s that bad. You better come with me and hide yourself, don’t let Esther see you. I’ve never seen her so angry in my life.”

With a hand still on Younghyun’s collar, Jae dragged Younghyun into a quiet stairwell, making sure that the door is shut tight before turning to Younghyun.

“Brian, what the hell was that video all about? Do you know how badly that affected Rachel? I never thought someone could look that… broken. We found her bloodied and bruised, and she literally cried herself unconscious due to the exhaustion. Do you know that you really… broke her heart?”

Younghyun’s heart clenched at Jae’s words – not only were you emotionally hurt, but physically ruined as well. Who hurt you? He caused you pain, but worse still, he could not protect you from the harm or ease your pain. His voice wavered when he tried to speak, but the words came out eventually.

“What happened to her? How did she get all bloodied and bruised?”

“We don’t know. She did not have enough energy to tell us before she passed out. That aside, you and Ayeon… are you really back… with her? After all that she’s done to you?”

Jae spat out Ayeon’s name like it was some vile venom, fearing what the younger would say next. If Younghyun was really back with Ayeon, Jae would first, whack the younger on the head and second, lose all faith in him forever.

“No, of course not. I’m never going back to Ayeon. That video was a mistake. I did it to protect Rachel. Ayeon threatened to buy over the café unless I gave her what she wanted… I couldn’t see Rachel’s hard work all go to waste so I agreed. But I swear nothing happened.”

“You two really did not…”

“No Jae, we didn’t. Almost, but no. I rather stab myself a thousand times over than commit to that act with her. Whatever you saw in that video was as far as we went. I didn’t even place my hands on her until she grabbed them and forced them upon herself. But I broke it off immediately because I felt too disgusted to carry on. I worried that Ayeon would really come for Rachel because I didn’t keep to the agreement. But I guess that really wasn’t her goal all along.”

“Clearly it wasn’t. She just needed the video to make her story convincing, and you sent yourself right into the tiger’s den. How stupid can you be? ”

“I know Jae, I know! I know I messed up and I feel stupid, but I was left with no choice. Berating me now isn’t going to help with damage control. But I swear Jae, you have to believe me. I’m really not back with Ayeon, and I have no intentions to.”

Jae sighed deeply before running a hand across his face.

“Brian, you don’t get it.”

“What am I missing?”

“This isn’t about me, it isn’t about you. It’s about you and Rachel, it’s about her, what the both of you have. It doesn’t matter if I believe you. She has to believe you and be the one to forgive you. If not…”

Jae doesn’t have to complete the sentence for Younghyun to know what he’s referring to.

“I understand.”

“Good. Leave and don’t come back. Don’t go back to Rachel until she asks to see you again. If you force her to see you, she’ll just hate you more.”

“But I need to – ”

“I’ll inform you when she’s awake and I’ll update you on her progress – just so you know that she’s alright. Don’t let Esther see you as well, I don’t know when her anger will subside.”

“Got it, thanks Jae…”

“Good, now leave Brian.”

Jae clapped Younghyun on the shoulder before returning to the room. Any longer and Esther might raise suspicions. Younghyun heard Jae greeting Mr Kim outside the stairwell as Jae led Mr Kim to the room. Meanwhile, Younghyun has got other business to attend to.

More specifically, someone.

---

Younghyun bade his time waiting for Ayeon outside her room, his eyes practically searing holes into her room. He smelt her sickeningly sweet perfume before he felt her hand on his shoulder. He had to fight the urge to shudder and rip her hands off him. This was thoroughly revolting.

Placing her lips by his ear, she whispered seductively: “Hey handsome.”

Ok that’s it. In one swift movement, Younghyun jerked his head away from her, now towering over her as he straightened his back.

“Phone.”

“You aren’t even going to greet me, Brian? Tsk, how rude.”

“I won’t ask twice.”

Without another word, Younghyun lunged for Ayeon’s phone that was currently resting in the palm of her hands and he got it with ease.

“What the hell Brian! Stop what you’re doing!”

Driven by sheer determination, Brian did what he came to do whilst ignoring all her advances and yells. Scrolling through her phone, Brian found the video with ease, and permanently deleted all traces of the video from her phone and the school app. But he wasn’t quite done yet.

“Why did you do that?”

“I want my phone back back first.”

“ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION AYEON!”

Younghyun roared, certain that the entire building could hear him with the sheer volume that he was using. He didn’t care if people took more photos and videos to ruin his reputation – it was already tarnished enough, and he could care less about what others thought of him. Ayeon, clearly shaken by his fierce side that she had never seen before, tried to put up a strong front but Youghyun could see through it. He could see her pupils shaking, hear her voice wavering. Ayeon was all bark, but no bite. To think that he once genuinely liked her – if he ever saw his younger self now, he would have punched that bastard for having such deplorably poor taste and disgusting naivety.

“You want answers? Fine! If I can’t have you, no one will. You are mine, and mine only.”

Ayeon attempted to grab Younghyun’s collar but he slapped her hands away harshly. He would no longer be controlled by her. Younghyun scoffed at her words, he really couldn’t believe his ears anymore. Who still said such words – in this day and age?

“Listen clearly, and you better remember it well. You will never have me – not now, and not ever again in the future. You might have had my heart once but not anymore. You ruined me – ”

To prove his point, Younghyun brings Ayeon’s phone up to his face, and he heard the screen crack from the sheer force of his fingers.

“And you have the audacity to ask for me back? How shameless can you be Ayeon? You don’t damage someone then come asking for their forgiveness by hurting them again. You’ve only known how to do bad things in your life – you take advantage of them, hurt them and ruin them. You shouldn’t be allowed to do that anymore.”

With no warning whatsoever, Younghyun swung his hand back and launched Ayeon’s phone out of the window. Both watched as the phone got smashed into smithereens once it collided with the pavement – Younghyun with a stoic face and Ayeon with a look of horror on her face as she watched her new phone disintegrate into pieces. She just bought it before the trip… Turning to him with barely contained rage, she began to yell profanities at him.

“Fuck you Brian! FUCK YOU!”

Brian regarded her outburst with an expressionless face – the face of a men that truly had zero care for her. He might have been scared of her once – but not anymore, and never again. Dropping his lips to her ear, Younghyun sneered.

“Remember this feeling. Remember it forever. This is what it felt like when you thrashed my apartment that night months ago – small, insignificant, afraid. This phone is just a warning. The next time you lay your hands on Rachel, or anyone else that I care for, it’ll be more than just your phone that’s getting destroyed.”

Ayeon is left paralysed with fear at his words. Without waiting for Ayeon to grace him with a response, Younghyun walked away from the scene before he lost all control and potentially did something that he regretted. His phone buzzed in his pocket – a message from Jae:

Hey man, she’s awake. Doc said she’s doing well, still a little shaken though. Don’t come over yet, just wait till she’s willing to see you.

And so Younghyun waited. But that day never came.

For the rest of the trip, Younghyun was left with no way to contact you given that your phone was spoilt. You spent it cooped up in your room, keeping yourself entertained with a book that you brought along with you – thankfully. If you had to leave the room, Esther was always with you so Younghyun would have no chance to talk to you. You wouldn’t even spare him a glance, and Esther was still sending him death glares. It was frustrating, but he would have to wait longer. You however… had no intention of ever forgiving him or talking to him again. After all, you didn’t need confirmation to know that you’ve already broken up – it was plain for all to see.

The deal was long over before you knew it even was.

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mysticalenergy · 4 years ago

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Making Up

Sitting outside in the winter sun, I was thinking to myself, ‘This time a week ago, we were happy. We laughed, we joked, we made the poor girl in the lingerie shop blush.’

A lot can change in a week. I’ve hardly seen Tom the last couple of days. He’s gone before I get up, I assume running or working out, then he puts in an appearance very briefly before he either disappears into the office for hours at a time, or goes out. When we do see each other we hardly speak. It’s not that we’re arguing, we just quite literally hardly speak, like strangers living in the same house. I don’t know if it’s him, me, or maybe both.

Diana got an invite to visit with some friends who live out near the mountains and, as she’s probably heading home soon, decided to take them up on their offer and left yesterday morning. I don’t blame her for going. This is my home and even I don’t want to be here at the moment. She’s supposed to come back tomorrow afternoon but, if things are still like this, I think I might tell her to stay longer. I’ve booked myself in to attend a writer’s workshop tomorrow night so she’d be on her own for the night anyway probably.

I hurt. I don’t know how else to put it, I just hurt. I keep asking myself if it’s always been like this when he starts a new job, but I don’t know because I’ve always been working myself. Maybe it’s just me. I’m not used to sitting around doing nothing. Hopefully this afternoon I get the news I’ve been waiting on; I can start to use my leg again after 6 weeks. Tom was supposed to come with me but, I’m hesitant to ask because I don’t know what he’s got going on.

He still has all his papers strewn around the living room and it’s really bothering me. I don’t understand why he can’t take it all in the office, he spends enough time in there. But no, he sits in the living room and spreads everything everywhere knowing it drives me nuts. I think he just enjoys pissing me off.

Heading inside, I put spotify on and went to the kitchen to make a coffee. Looking around I saw the mess and felt the need to tidy it up. Careful not to mix things up, I gathered papers and stacked them neatly, then put all the pens and highlighters in a container and left them next to the papers.

Music is such a wonderful medium and can do so much to change a mood and before long I found myself singing along, loudly, and even attempting to do a bit of a dance on my crutches, laughing at myself and how uncoordinated I am. It’s different when I danced with Tom while on the crutches, he helped hold me up and turn me around.

Still singing, I turned around to go get my coffee and noticed him leaning against the wall, the hint of a smile on his face, “I haven’t heard you sing in so long,” he said so quietly I barely heard him.

“Hey,” I said softly. “Didn’t hear you come in.”

Watching the expression on his face harden, I waited for it. Nodding towards the stereo, he pushed himself off the wall, “I’m not surprised given the volume you’ve got that at. I could hardly hear myself think on the phone.” And, there it was, back to the new normal.

“Sorry,” I apologised. “I’ll turn it down.”

Walking over to the table, he looked down at the piles of papers I’d stacked up. “Didn’t I tell you not to touch them?”

“They were all over the place, I just tidied them up a bit,” I replied.

“Jesus is it too much to ask for things to be left where you put them so you can find what you want when you want it,” he ranted more to himself than at me.

Muttering to myself, “maybe if you didn’t leave your stuff laying around it wouldn’t happen.”

“What the hell are you muttering about?” he said.

“Nothing,” I calmly replied. “Nothing at all.”

“Where’s the highlighter I was using?” he snapped.

Taking a deep breath and counting to five before saying anything, I turned and asked, “Was it the yellow one?”

“No, it was pink with purple spots,” he quipped. “Of course it was the bloody yellow one. You saw me using it.”

“Jesus, alright. Calm down, I was only asking.” I snapped back, leaving him to it and heading to the kitchen.

“What the hell are you doing now?” he asked.

“Getting out of your way,” I answered.

“You can get back over here and help me look for the bloody pen,” he demanded.

“Ok, that’s it,” I stormed. “I get that you’re tired and stressed out but don’t take it out on me. It’s not my fault and it’s in the bloody container on the table with the rest of the pens and highlighters. Open your bloody eyes before you open your mouth.”

He looked down at the container on the table, “Just leave my stuff alone and be a good girl, keep the noise down, I’ve got phone calls to make.”

“You condescending assho...don’t speak to me like I’m a child,” I said, raising my voice. “I said I was sorry. You’re hardly ever home anymore so I thought I was fine.”

Looking at his watch, he went to walk away, “Just keep it down, I’ve got a call to make.”

“Guess, I’ll go on my own then,” I muttered. “Getting used to being on my own.”

Spinning on his heel, he glared at me, “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” he shouted. “It’s not like I’m doing nothing here you know. It’s called work, not that you’d know about that, we don’t all get to sit around and do noth...” he stopped himself from finishing the sentence.

“Go on,” I yelled. “Say it. You don’t get to sit around doing nothing like I do. Well screw you Hiddleston, it’s not my bloody choice to be doing nothing. I’d love to be back at work rather than putting up with you and your shit at the moment.”

Storming out of the room and heading for the office he stopped and turned around, “Don’t forget we’ve got that dinner to attend tomorrow night, hopefully you’ll be in a better mood. Make sure I have a tie to match whatever colour you’re wearing and if I don’t have one, I’d appreciate it if you could get me one,” he almost spat.

“What dinner?” I asked, “you didn’t tell me about any dinner. I’m going out tomorrow night.”

“Cancel your plans," he said. "I told you about the bloody dinner a couple of nights ago. I meant to tell you last week but it slipped my mind. Maybe if you listened occasionally...”

“You didn’t tell me about a dinner and I do listen,” I retorted. “I’ve got plans, go without me.”

“As my wife, you’re expected to be there,” he shouted, opening the office door.

Angry beyond words, I looked him straight in the eye and quietly said, “But I’m not your wife.”

Standing there glaring at each other, breathing heavily, he shook his head, “You can be a real bitch sometimes,” and with that he went into the office and slammed the door shut behind him.

Going to the door, I knocked, “Tom? Tom, can I come in? I’m sorry.”

“I’m on the phone,” came the cold reply.

…

Checking the time, I grabbed the keys and headed for the door. Getting into the car, I drove out of the driveway, tears rolling down my face. Deciding that, come hell or high water we were sorting this out tonight, I drove myself to the surgeon’s office for my check up.

The surgeon checked my knee, moving it this way and that, then gave me the news I was waiting for. I could get rid of the brace and start putting a little bit of weight on it. It meant I’d still need the crutches for a bit longer but I didn’t care, I was allowed to walk. Leaving the surgeons office, my first thought was to call Tom but, considering how we’d left things, I wasn’t sure that was such a great idea. I figured he’d see for himself when I got home anyway.

Arriving home, I saw that his car was gone and, feeling very deflated, I went inside. I fed Bobby and Paddy then wandered around the house not knowing what to do with myself. Unable to settle, I ran myself a bath hoping the warm water might calm me. After 10 minutes, I’d had enough and went to the kitchen to make some chamomile tea. Drinking the tea, I turned on the tv and channel surfed but nothing looked interesting so I turned it off again. I picked up my book and opened it, then sat staring at the words, not really reading them. Turning the laptop on, I thought I might write for a while, but after 3 minutes of sitting with a blank screen I gave up and pushed the laptop away. A couple of minutes later, still staring at the laptop sitting on the coffee table, the screensaver started. My screensaver is set to show a slideshow of all the photos I've got saved. Tom and I smiling at the beach, Tom and I smiling while bushwalking, Tom and I smiling at a café, Tom and I sitting on the floor near the Christmas tree kissing...ok, so this wasn’t a great idea. Not knowing what else to do with myself, I decided to go to bed. No point in staying up, God only knows what time he’d be home.

…

Going into the bedroom, I picked up one of his shirts and put it on. I’d started wearing his shirts simply so I could smell him, this was the 3rd night I’d gone to bed alone. Getting into bed, I tried reading again, but the words were just a jumble. Putting the book down, I looked over to his side of the bed, reached out and dragged his pillow to me and lay there hugging it. Inhaling deeply, I could still smell him. Putting my hand up, I grabbed my phone and typed a message, ‘Hey Boo. I miss you so much xx.’ Reading it twice, I deleted it, put my phone down, then picked the phone up, retyped the message and hit send before I could change my mind.

Turning out the light, I lay for a little while listening to the night noises around the house. The trees rustling in the breeze, a distant bark from somebody’s dog, Paddy or Bobby scratching, the gentle hum of the fridge and the soft ticking of the grandfather clock.

Snuggling down, still hugging Tom’s pillow, my eyes were getting heavy, and my heart felt a bit that way too. I missed him. I missed his stupid jokes, the sexual innuendo, the gentle touches. I missed pissing him off doing things I’m not supposed to, hell, I even missed him groping me at the most inappropriate times. A silent tear fell from the corner of my eye and landed on my pillow. ‘4 months tops’ I said to myself, ‘only 4 months and he’s finished filming.’ This time seemed extra tough, but I knew it would be after spending 6 months together.

I was hovering in that blissful state between consciousness and sleep, aware of the sounds around me but so close to sleep as to not care, when I heard a car. Fighting to stay awake, I listened for the key in the door but I was too far gone and sleep claimed me.

Waking, I looked at the time and discovered I’d only been asleep for half an hour. Rolling over, I settled myself back down on the pillow and was just about to close my eyes when my sleep fuddled brain registered there was a soft glow of light coming into our room. Rolling back over and squinting, I lay quietly listening for any sounds. Not hearing anything, I decided to go see why the light was on.

Barefoot, I made my way quietly down the hallway towards the living room. I knew I’d turned the light out so figured either Diana had come back early, which was highly unlikely, or Tom was home. Entering the living room, I saw him laid back on the chair, earphones in, eyes closed, looking absolutely wiped out.

Walking over to the chair, I slowly reached out and stroked his forehead. Eyes still closed, his hand reached for mine, holding it to his lips, “you should be sleeping love,” he said.

Leaning across the back of the chair, I kissed his forehead, “I’d rather be here with you.” Standing up and putting my hands on his shoulders, I started massaging them. “I’m sorry about this afternoon.”

Opening his eyes and sitting up a bit, he tilted his head back so he was looking at me, “Come here,” he said patting his lap.

Walking around to stand in front of him, he pulled me down in his lap, cradling me in his arms. “You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I should be thanking you for making me realise what a bastard I’ve been this week. I know it’s no excuse but with all the workouts, meetings, phone calls and costume fittings, it’s been hell. Then factor in the time difference issues we’re having, and it’s just been a royal shit show. But none of that is your fault.”

“No, it isn’t my fault and I wish you’d talked to me about what was going on. I’ve felt so isolated and lonely,” I explained. “Then there’s the mess you insisted on leaving behind. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take it all to the office.”

“I wondered about that myself,” he said, “But I think I figured it out.”

“And what did you come up with?” I asked.

“I didn’t want you to forget I was here. Didn’t want you to forget why I wasn’t with you all the time. I know I don’t usually worry so much, but this time, with your leg,” he reached down and touched my leg, “you didn’t have work to keep you occupied and I felt guilty that I’d left you when you still needed me...not that you’ve ever needed me, but you know what I mean. I’ve missed hanging out with you, missed you, missed us. I guess it all just got to me and rather than talk about it, I bottled it all up.”

“I shouldn’t have let it go so....”

“Oh my God, your leg!” he exclaimed. “The brace, shit, I forgot. I’m so sorry.” Pulling me close to him, he buried his face in my hair.

“Do you want to know what the surgeon said?” I asked softly.

Keeping his face buried in my hair, he nodded.

“No brace, I can put some weight on it, but still need to use the crutches for a while until my muscles get used to being used again,” I told him.

He didn’t speak, merely nodded again and gave me a squeeze.

“Tom, what’s wrong? Look at me,” I said.

Slowly he looked up at me, tears in his eyes.

Wiping them away, I whispered, “Why are you crying?”

“Because I love you so much. Because I was so damn wrapped up in my own world, I lost sight of what’s important. You. You’re more important than any of this. Your crack about not being my wife hit a nerve and made me stop and think. I made a few calls this evening and said the endless 18 hour days have to stop. I don’t mind doing a few, but not day after day after day. I also owe you an apology about the dinner. I realised I hadn’t told you about it, I only thought I had. And, even though you’re not my wife as you so... lovingly... pointed out, and we will discuss it again at some point no matter how much you don’t want too, we do have to go. Now, how about you give me a kiss and let me show you how sorry I am.”

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finderskeepersff · 6 years ago

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43.

Stacking my plate on the pile of plates already made by other clients here, turning around and lifted my sweatpants up. These have gone so loose on me “Cassius, you finished your breakfast, let’s talk come on” I am still here, a whole month later and I am still here. I didn’t lie to Kyle when I said I am fine here, people are happy. They are living so it’s good “shall we go to the office Cassius?” nodding my head “why not” I am a mess and I can admit that, I have been here for so long and this shit is not cheap either but I am actually just happy, walking into Henry’ office and I closed the door behind me “take a seat my friend” he pointed at the seat “friend now!?” I spat, sitting down on the seat “yes friend now, it’s like I have known you for years” he laughed “cool” stretching my arms out, I am tired actually “you have decided to shave your head bald again?” rubbing the stubble on my cheek “yeah, it’s not that bald, just the bare minimum and kept a little stubble. Getting ready for leaving I guess” licking my lips smiling “you look happy to leave, that is a good sign. I have kept an eye on you from when I first met you till now. You have drastically lost weight Cassius. But I am glad you are kind of eating, breakfast and that is it. It’s not good for you but I want to trust you when you say that you won’t have drugs, it’s this moment we have worked on Cassius and I want you to know that you are welcome to come back here at any time, but where is your mind at?” blowing out air all wide eyed “scared, I have been in this bubble where I was protected and I will be there” I will be back where I was, I know that. It was a nice break, it was nice to have a detox I guess and someone to just kind of help my mind “Cassius we spoke on something with your father, remember when we discussed about choosing?” nodding my head “my dad will always be there and I have to accept that, this is what he does to me. I can feel him looking at me in disgust right now. But I am going to get on with it, if I am right then my son will be born soon. I fucked up Henry, I was the man she didn’t want and then I have to face her? I think I will go back to Brooklyn, see my mom and bring myself to see Sofia. I fucked up, I fucked up what I had and I sit back and see what I did” shaking my head sighing out, I am just a fool.

“How can you face the person you let down, how do you just go to someone that ran from me. How do I go back to her when she left me, I am just fucked up Henry but I am. I am going to do it, I know my boy will be here soon” I grinned “you have been counting that down haven’t you?” nodding my head “I sent Sofia roses on her birthday and then flowers on our anniversary, in my heart. I am with Sofia but she is isn’t anymore. I owe her an explanation and I will give that to her but I need to build myself up, being here is draining but also I have never been at peace. You said about choosing and it’s Sofia, I can’t speak to my dad like you want me too but I can only go by my word to myself and I know what I need to do. This rest to my mind has been a long time coming” I do talk too much they say “the most clever men have breakdowns Cassius, this is not weak. You need to understand that this is not weak, what you need to do. You need to speak to your partner, you need to let her know. You are very headstrong and I have seen it, you are all about power. You are so quiet, you watch your prey and then you attack. I have witnessed when you and Lewis fought, but nobody knew he had an injured abdomen, you did. Then you knew where to hit him in the building without getting caught, you knew the cameras but I knew it was you that did it” I sniggered “he shouldn’t talk shit” I shrugged “Cassius you need to accept that you have been abusing yourself to release that pain, you need to accept that you are not weak. You will see that and only you can do that. I am happy you want to leave now, you are ok but don’t turn to drugs, your dad is your weakness and you need to fight that. You will fight that, you know why? Your son will help you, I hope you and your partner, well ex partner work it out too” Henry is a good man.

I will somewhat miss this bedroom, it was dope. I had everything I needed here but it is time to face reality, I have needed to do this. I probably look like a whole different Cassius, been here for months, probably three months or maybe longer “you ready? Your friend is not coming for you?” shaking my head, they don’t know I am leaving. I am doing this myself now “you do have my number right? Talk to me whenever you want or delete it” I chuckled holding my bags “I wouldn’t do that, you a good guy for a white person” walking out of the bedroom “thank you Cassius, and you know what your goal is, your goal is to face your demon, the guy that lives with your mom. No murdering please, I don’t condone things like that” I had to laugh “nah, I don’t murder anyone” I lied, I have but he don’t know that. Walking towards the door “you beautiful, I can’t believe you work here. But thank you for being so kind to me” I said to Alicia, she is a pretty girl and she works in this place “nice to meet you Cassius, gain some weight” hugging her “I will, kind of. Thank you for always getting me Wendys though” moving back from the hug winking at her “I was being nice, you just fix your relationship with that special one ok?” nodding my head “telling the whole world about her” Henry said “I didn’t have much else to do but talk, one day I will come back and see you my friend” shaking his hand “I believe in you, you’re a good guy” he pointed at me.

I sighed out heavily seeing Ethan, welcome back I guess. He is a whole dummy, he is not even looking my way. Walking over to him, I want to kick him but I won’t “nigga” I said behind him, Ethan turned around “woah!” he moved back in shock, his eyes bulged out “Cassius?” he spat, he stared at me “boss, wow. You back” Ethan hugged me, this nigga is really hugging me right now. I just laughed it off “calm down” patting his back “I got the jet, get you out of here. Wow! Cassius, what the fuck? Where have you been? I got a text, I assumed it was a set up but I came. Look at you boss” he touched my arm just staring at me “this is what drugs do to you, well rehab or whatever. Do I look like cancer patient?” I chuckled saying “you said it, wow Cassius. I am just happy to see you. Usually when they go Rehab they look better” pushing my snapback back to scratch my head “they do but I wasn’t eating, I didn’t eat there. I am good mentally though, still a little off but I just need to do some things but yeah. Let’s go” I am tired already, I am so used to having a nap at this time and just relaxing.

Taking my snapback off of my head and placed it on the table “you need anything to eat?” the flight attendant asked “I am good” I rejected, I don’t eat much anymore “he need a whole bucket of fat, my nigga. He is not ill” Ethan said on my behalf “you look fragile” resting back on the seat “whole bunch of shit Ethan, I can’t account for my actions when I am on a high. I had to go, I am back now but I am just tired. I am tired of this, I am going back to Brooklyn to do what I do and it’s tiring but give it me, what is happening?” I might as well start now “well niggas are shook, they think you coming back with a vengeance on some shit. The streets seem to be quiet, you know what. The Latino shit was like a bad idea, but it worked out” I laughed out “so crazy Cassius wins huh” I said through my laughter “never underestimate me on a high, I do some pretty shit stuff but I am always plotting” shaking my head laughing, so I did good “Samuel has been harassing me for Sofia’ address, he said you promised him something. He has been hounding us. I was like fuck you, we will deal with you when we can. I didn’t give no address” I forgot all about that “ok how about the club? The money?” I am sure it is open by now “perfect, this shit is fucking working. We running some of Atlanta and we got Brooklyn on lock, well New York but we just need the man behind it back. It was a good time, still is. You good now though?” nodding my head “tell Raphael, we need to run through with another opening. Miami I think” you always need to build, that is what I am thinking.

Here I am back at the house, well least I am not in rehab but here I am back at my mom’ home “you good good then?” Ethan said at the side of me “I am good, I just need to rest up in here and then I will call you ok?” dapping Ethan, let me see the family. I may rent another home around here, I am not sure at all what I am doing with myself. Walking up my drive with my bags in hand, Kyle kept on buying me so many damn clothes it was crazy. It’s weird because I have been away for so long and here I am, back at this place. Stage one I would say, it is stage one because I should be in Atlanta but I just can’t bring myself to do it, I can’t see Sofia and for her to see me in this state, it’s not it at all. Unlocking the front door, pulling it open. I stopped abruptly seeing Jasmine in front of me, she dropped her phone staring at me. I swallowed hard looking away from her “I…. I am sorry. Cassius I didn’t do it on purpose” my mom yelped out running down the steps “oh my god! Cassius!” my mother shouted running at me “Cassius, my baby boy” she hugged my torso, I couldn’t help but smile hugging my mom “you came back, I was so worried about you and look at you. Oh my god, look at your face” my mom touched my face “what has happened to you, oh my baby” my mom cried, I sighed out, I didn’t want that reaction.

My mom is staring at me still all teary eyed “Cassius where did you go? What happened to you? Look at you, have you seen yourself?” nodding my head “I am good, I am back. I just needed some time away, I am good now” I am mentally, I don’t know about physically right now “oh Cassius, I have been so worried about you. Jasmine, you need to go. You will miss your flight” I wish I cared for Jasmine going with Sofia but I don’t care, it’s like she did fuck me over but I rather she did then Sofia be on her own “where is she going?” I asked my mom “she is staying with Sofia, you are nowhere to be found and it’s so soon until the baby. You was missing on us” licking my lips just looking at my mom, she is not wrong I did “does she need any money?” I asked my mom “ask her” my mom said “oh shit Cassius is back” Josiah walked over to me and hugged me “I am back, back to business” looking up at my dad “come on Jasmine, I need to drop you off” not a word from him, he walked by me like I never left.

Rubbing my forehead, I am just tired right now “I would like to know where you was Cassius, I would like to know where did you go? Tell me that” we are alone now so she will ask “Texas, I was in rehab” my mom’ eyes widened “you went there? Wow, why?” my mom sat next to me “sometimes fighting your demons is tiresome, I was tired of helping myself. I needed that help, so much so I ended staying there for longer” my mom placed her hand on my arm “I love you son, I am happy you are home. You look so ill but you are back and back to yourself” smiling lightly “I need to deal with business, I know that” I will be going out tonight “you need to deal with Sofia, you need to see her” rubbing my eyes “I know but she has left me, it’s hard you know. I think the drugs masked my feelings towards that but when they sadated me she was the person I remembered when I woke up. I want to get Sofia back but I fucked up, how can I just go back and be like hi I am back. I ruined her Christmas, New Year, birthday. I haven’t been there, then again my son will be better without me” I really believe he will be “Cassius Carnell Warren, I will drag you to Atlanta. You need to gather yourself, I am happy you are back but you are not doing that. You can put your ego aside” my mom doesn’t understand “I fucked myself up, I could have been ok. I could have been doing my odd line here and there but I didn’t, I exposed myself to Sofia. I am not worth it” my mother seems to not want to hear me “ok but that grandchild is, you promised her that you would be a father to that baby, I have spoken to her and she told me that” putting my head down.

Sat waiting for the midwife to come back into the office, she has been gone for a while now. She went to get my results, she gave me some injection to help fight any antibodies in my blood but now I feel like shit even more. Looking down at my bump, it is crazy how much this baby kicks me and is moving, seeing him again on the screen he seems so content just sucking his thumb “I am back” Helen my midwife said “the results are perfect, everything we needed to see. So with that being said, we just need to confirm that your birthing partner is still Cassius?” I paused staring at her “erm” what the hell do I say “yes” I just said “that is fine now do you have any concerns?” nodding my head “I have been feeling very ill, I mean blocked nose, cramping, vomiting. Flu like symptoms. I am ok now but I feel very ill. I am cramping too” I find it so weird “ok, you need to stay hydrated. If you do feel bad cramping, or more than ten contractions in an hour then you need to come back” now I am nervous “the baby is fine, he is growing as he should so you shouldn’t worry. I just wanted to make sure you was ok, as it being your first baby but no worries. I am always here if you need anything else” I am glad my baby is ok “I am very nervous now” taking in a deep breath “baby can come any day now, it may not go the full weeks, it can come now” this is what is making me so nervous.

Driving with this bump is weird but I am fine, Monique has been worried so she is sending Jasmine over which will be nice to have someone around. It’s been a very lonely time, it’s just me and my bump, I have watched near everything on Netflix. I feel like I have made myself ill from stressing, so I am going to be positive and I am going to think about the baby. I am just so upset that he is not speaking to me, I have cried already about this and I can’t cry anymore about it. I just wish I didn’t love because then I wouldn’t care but I do, least tell me you will be here for the baby, Monique said for me to wait and he will be with me but I don’t know how to feel about that. I feel very much alone in this.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfiction

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thesnapewecandreamof · 6 years ago

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hey! i love your hcs! how about a snapexfem!DE. like Bellatrix or someone sends her to seduce him and figure out his loyalties....but instead she falls in love with him and tells him the truth; he forgives he coz he himself is something else pretending to be something else Lucius being protective of sev; dumbles n minnie worried that he may switch sides for love like he did before but also wanting him happy and lots of action and drama and angst but happy ending!! what say? plsss....

You’ve sent this multiple times anon, don’t worry I haven’t deleted it! Actually, this has been bothering me during the holy week and now it’s done, I’m free to write it up. Funny thing, just experienced my first very minor earthquake here. I thought I was just dizzy but nope! Anyway, on to Severus and Bella’s rocky relationship.

Dance with the Me

- It started off simple enough. It was a match made in hell, as some Death Eaters would later call it. Bella was known to push her fellow Death Eater’s buttons until they snapped and Snape was famous for acerbic tongue and witty insults. Iron sharpens iron and all that tension needed a release.

- Bella was set on proving Snape’s treachery and Severus teased her by saying they might as well get on with the good part. He knows how certain touches can loosen a tongue, what better way to prove his loyalty? He didn’t know what he expected when Bella took him to a secluded a room the moment he finished speaking. He entertained the thought of being played but, really, she really was good at what she does, fortunately for the order, he was good at what he does also.

“Let us dance, shall we?”

- They fell into bed regularly. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom was an unspoken rule. There were no tender moments of love making after a painful bout of cruciatus. There were no cuddling afterwards. It was all a convenient release for both of them.

- They still had their verbal spats outside the bedroom. Bella still tried to reveal his true colors and he did his best to make a fool out of her.

- Severus returned from a meeting barely coherent once and almost fell face-first into Albus’ office. The Headmaster was quick to search for injuries when he saw the other marks on his body. Severus did his best to look neutral and scrambled to hide all his dark deeds from the Headmaster’s probing mind.

- Narcissa and Lucius caught them once. Severus didn’t know what to say so he opted for silence. After five seconds Lucius dragged Bella to another room while Narissa kept him there.

- “Severus, I love you like you are one of my father’s bastard son and thus my brother but Bella is my blood. If you-”

- Severus convinced her that there was no “thing” between him and Bella. Afterwards he was trapped in a lecture with Narcissa about thing he had never thought he’d need to know.

- After that hellish five minutes, Lucius replaced Narcissa and Severus was disappointed to see that the Malfoy Head had his own bout of lecturing, “Severus. I love you like you are the bastard son of my mother and thus my brother but...”

- Bella began following him to his lab when sleeping himself didn’t reveal his true loyalties. Wonder upon wonders but Bella was a brilliant witch. A bit deranged but her ideas do have some merit.

- They were very adventurous in bed. Once they found themselves in a library searching for new...explorations.

- Severus’ greatest nightmare came through one night. Voldemort walked in on them. The less said about that the better in his opinion. Bella liked to tease him about it much to their Lord’s amusement.

- Bella began to look forward to more ways to wrenching those glorious screams Severus releases in their bedroom. Severus himself tried his best to surprise Bella and glance at the rare expression of peace on her face after their activities.

- Albus asked him about it once, “Do I have to be worried, Severus?”

- Severus looked into his tea. Such a casual question, not at all alarming and yet his heart pounded and his mind raced. It was an easy question, wasn’t it? “Of course not, Albus. Just making the best out of a horrible situation, I assure you.”

- “You have turned once, for love. Will you do so again?”

- Severus scoffed. He did not love Bella, it was an absurd notion. She was insane and he was a traitor. They were both murderers and they had a wicked mind. Their love would be centered around their lord and the perversion of such a concept almost had Severus sick.

- He did not love Bella. “I will not turn, Headmaster. I give you my word.”

- Bella did not love the traitor Snape. All the love she has is for her lord only.

- She did not go to Azkaban for Snape. She did not do the things she loved for him, she did not devote herself to him.

- But there will always be a ‘but’ in all circumstances else life would be too boring.

- But Bella adores the side of Snape that he himself cannot bring to love. She adores the darkness in him that all the people around him shunned. She did not think him worthy in spite of his darkness, he was worthy because despite the flicker of light inside him, he still follows the road he picked.

- But Snape listens to her. He actually listens. And he does not cower before her, fearing for his life and sanity. He looms with her.

- The nights of sex where they balanced pleasure with pain and so many other substances were many but there were times where they took care of the other’s wounded back and scratched wrists. They were never tender, they didn’t need that, but they were there.

- Their loyalties would never be for each other. That was an obvious assumption and to think otherwise would be foolish. but-

- But there could be so much more if they had more freedom. The lack of freedom was the root cause of many of their exploits though no one would admit it. There were no moments of vulnerability, no moments of gentle comfort.

- Their lives were always meant to intertwine but-

- But there is a war brewing and when they stood on opposite sides when the time came there were feelings of regret and betrayal. But they were Snape and Bellatrix, the traitor and the insane.

“Let us dance, shall we?”

Note under cut

Ok. I just re-read the ask and realized I read it wrong. I am sorry anon, I’ll post the correct one tomorrow, the one more in line to the guilty pleasure thing I forgot about. I just can’t let this one go.

Actually the first time I read the ask and thought about SeverusXBella I had my doubts and then I got thinking and it ended with this. The hijinx they’d get into, all the sass in their conversations, all that darkness around them. There goes my answer to the age old question of “Does Severus Fuck?”

#severus snape #bellatrix lestrange #asks #wrong answer #will post tomorrow #sorry about that #a bit dizzy #and out of sorts

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aurora-the-kunoichi · 6 years ago

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So it looks like Tumblr the bitch it is deleted Chapters One and Two of Chance meetings. So I am reposting them per request.

Chance Meetings Chapter One

Turtles and Reader

It had been a long miserable day at work. Your boss was upset you were unable to finish the report he wanted on time. But what he didn’t realize is that your lazy ass co-worker didn’t get the info to you for you to finish it. But of course, it didn’t matter, YOU still got a verbal warning, not him. So, you had stayed later then you planned, to find the info you were promised and finished the report, slapping it on your boss’s desk. Grabbing your purse from your desk you turned off your light in your office and headed out into the night.

The fall night air was crisp sending a chill down your spine. All you wanted to do was go home crawl onto your couch with a warm cup of hot tea and watch TV. You would need to decompress for a bit before you could head to bed.

Strangely the streets of Manhattan were void of the usual crowds of people on your way home but then you remembered the late night and checked your phone.

“Fuck.” You swore under your breath looking at the numbers illumining on your phones screen, it was almost 11pm. Maybe a small of tea then. Picking up the pace towards your car a loud shriek came from the neighboring alleyway. Your eyes darted to your car in the distance and back to the dark alley.

“God damnit.” Hoisting your purse strap over your shoulder you disregard your senses to head to the safety of your car and cross the street to the slowing growing sounds of distress.

When you were mugged last year, you decided it was time to do something about your safety. You took those classes for a reason, you promised yourself now that you could defend yourself you would help those in need too. Your sensei had been impressed by your skills and how fast you advanced up the classes. So, it was time to see if everything stuck.

Your fists clenched in frustration seeing the scene just a few feet into the darkened alleyway. Three thugs were beating up a woman. Two were holding her down delivering punches to her stomach and face while the other held her stolen purse glowering down at her.

“Hey, I wanna have some fun, hold her down for me.” The guy with the purse smiled lewdly as he started to unbutton his pants.

“Here goes nothing.” Your let out the breath you were holding. “Hey fuck faces! Let her go!”

Abruptly they halt their activity and turn to look at you as well the woman beneath them.

“Please help me!” she screamed her struggling intensifying seeing someone coming to her aid.

You take the stance you remember from your classes adjusting your feet.

“What the fuck is this? Listen here bitch, keep moving and maybe we’ll forget you interrupted us.” One snarled getting to his feet while the other kept the woman pinned to the ground with his weight.

“No! Please don’t leave me!” the woman cried again tears falling down her blood caked cheeks.

“I’m not going anywhere, get the fuck off of her and give her, her purse back.” You took a few steps into the darkness showing them you meant business. If they thought you were going to leave this woman to her fate they were sorely mistaken. You didn’t like thought of violence, but you were ready to defend this woman and yourself. You had only trained one on one, but you had beaten each opponent male and female alike with ease. So how much harder would two more threats be?

Not wanting to be caught off guard you lunged first, connecting a right hook to the asshole holding her purse. His eyes widened when his head snapped back from the force of your blow. The purse’s fake leather slapped against the cement of the ground when his fingers lost their grip on the handle. The man stumbled backwards into his advancing friend when you spun on your heal making the side of your boot connect with the others temple. Their two heads collided like balls on a newton’s cradle and they crumbled to the ground in a heap of bodies.

“Look out!”

The voice of the woman she had saved came too late when the final man rushed you after he relinquished his hold on his prey. You both slammed into the dumpster with his momentum making your head bounce off the metal container. The force of the blow sent stars floating into your vision when you blocked his punch aimed for your already ringing skull.

“Bitch!” he spat in your face pressing his body into yours. You could feel the pronounced bulge in his pants while he ground it into your pelvic mound. He was getting turned on by this? Your eyes shot to the battered woman as she picked up her purse gripping it tightly to her person. You could see the terror in her eyes shift to remorse when they darted towards the street and back to you.

“I’m sorry.” And then she was gone leaving you alone in the alley to defend yourself.

Distracted by the retreating woman he got in a good punch sending your head back into the unforgiving metal. Darkness crept around the edges of your vision when his hands slipped around your throat and started to squeeze.

Instinctively your hands shot to his face reaching for the soft flesh of his eyeballs, but his hands slammed back yet again blurring your vision even further. Your fingers redirected to the hands wrapped around your neck now scratching at the skin of his hands. The oxygen was slowly being cut off to your brain, you couldn’t concentrate, this was a horrible decision! Murdered or raped or possibly even both all you knew was mistakes were made. But at least that woman was now safe.

Then the man laughed leaning forward licking a wet strip up your face and ground his now apparent erection into the apex of your thighs. “I bet you feel nice and warm inside that sweet smelling cunt of yours. I bet you’re tight too? I can’t wait to find out.” The horrid man whispered in your ear as he pressed his thumbs further into the soft flesh of your throat.

“Fuck you, you worthless piece of shit! “You growled the best you could passed your narrowing wind pipe. “I bet you have a tiny penis.”

Then you heard four loud thumps behind your attacker and a low gravelly voice just behind his head, “Listen here buddy, I don’t think the nice lady wants you to touch her.”

Your vision was so distorted from the lack of oxygen you couldn’t see what had come to your aid, all you knew was you were grateful. Thankfully you could still make out the surprise in the man’s face when he was ripped from your body. When his hands slide free from your throat you fell forward on your knees gasping for the sweet oxygen you had been deprived off for several moments. Coughing through the pain now emanating in your lungs you leaned back just in time to see your attacker fly across the alleyway and hit the wall with a sickening thud.

His eyes held horror just before they closed, and his body gave out on the cold dirty ground. “Serves you right you fucker.” You coughed trying to get to your feet. You wanted to thank your saviors. Thank god they showed up when they did.

“Brah, she took care of the other two. This chick has spunk, I like her. Can I keep her?” One cheery voice sounded in the shadows.

“No Mikey, you don’t get to keep the human.” Another snipped quickly followed by a thump against something that didn’t sound quite solid.

“Human?” you mumbled finally stumbling to your feet. Everything was spinning now and the darkness in your vision didn’t disappear. You had to have a concussion. What did they mean by human? Weren’t they human too? What else could talk and walk?

“Ma’am are you alright?” this voice was much closer, so you reached out for it. You couldn’t keep your feet beneath you, so you tumbled into strong arms. Your fingers connected with something weird feeling, human skin was supposed to be soft right? With what vision remained you looked down to see green pebbled flesh connected to giant three fingers hands what were holding your upright. The breath caught in your throat. “What the fuck?!” you thought internally, you didn’t want to scare it? Him? Them?

“She’s gonna freak out Leo, let her go.” A deep voice rumbled just behind the one holding you.

“If I let her go Raph, she’ll fall. Do you want that?” Whatever was holding her sounded worried and stern at the same time as he addressed his companion. What was going on?!

Finally collecting your courage, you peered up into a large green face with a blue mask around two very beautiful blue eyes. Your lungs stop working as the breath stops in your throat, but your hands move on their own accord and reach up touching the massive being’s face now holding your up.

“What are you?” you manage to make your mouth work forcing your traitorous lungs to begin working again. The darkness crept further into your line of sight, but you could see three more equally large figures looming just behind bright eyes above you.

The tall one with a purple mask stepped into your vision, a long bo staff wrapped in his three fingered hand. “We’re mutated turtles Miss, who happen to be ninjas. I assure you we mean you no harm. I believe you may have a concussion and might pass out. But try and stay with us ok?”

Turtles? Did he just say turtles? You had hit your head harder then you thought. There were four huge mutant turtles hovering over you and you were not scared in the slightest? The darkness began to spin again taking you with it, there was too much to grasp your couldn’t stay awake.

“Please…… don’t leav….” You tried pleading with them before the pull of unconsciousness took you. But before it consumed you, you heard one of them talk again.

“What do we do now Leo? We can’t just leave her here with these guys?”

“I know Mikey, we’ll take her to the lair.”

Chapter Two

#TMNT #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt fandom #TMNT TMNT fanfiction #tmnt fic #oneshot

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tespuco · 5 years ago

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PotC Liveblog: Curse of the Black Pearl

CotBP is one of my ‘forever films’ for sure - every time I rewatch it I not only feel the same sense of wonder and delight as the first time but invariably discover new things to love and squee over as well.

I would love to learn more about Elizabeth as a child: this lonely, solemn girl who feels something perverse in her thrill at pirate stories and gallows humor, yet who gravely takes on the duty of looking after young William Turner because she wants to be good, too. (@dollsome-does-tumblr‘s Elizabeth-centric, post-CotBP fic Shrouded Heart explores this ambivalence in her self-concept with heart-wrenching emotional realism)

Wow, Will was doomed from the start, wasn’t he? I would be too if I were a 12-year old piece of half-drowned human driftwood waking up to a miniature guardian angel who softly murmurs, “I’m watching over you” before I drift back into unconsciousness

Framing Elizabeth’s memory of seeing the Black Pearl and meeting Will as a dream, one that impels her to put on the medallion, suggests fate or some other supernatural influence at work - a nifty way for writers to sidestep accusations of Contrived Coincidences and call it Destiny instead!

Keira Knightley is so beautiful hELP

Awww, Will is so proud of his handiwork! It’s interesting because the film puts a fair amount of emphasis on it early on, his skill and pride in not just wielding swords but forging them - only to tell us later that he’s really a pirate by blood and at heart. I like it when fics like fried_flamingo & salr323′s At World’s End: Redux lean into Will’s identity as a blacksmith and extrapolate from it an affinity for land/earth/balance/creation as opposed to the sea’s wild potential for destruction. (He lost his father to the sea and to piracy; he never learned to love either.)

My god everyone’s layered in buttoned-up and corseted finery in the fucking TROPICS no wonder Elizabeth passed out (ngl despite the ‘Caribbean’ in the title and visiting the Disney ride in New Orleans Square, I remember stupidly assuming Port Royal was part of England, not Jamaica; at 9 yrs old my geography was shit and I had yet to learn what imperialism was ok)

“A ship with black sails that’s crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out.” shiver me timbers now that’s how you tell a ghost story

“If he were telling the truth, he wouldn’t have told us” has the same antimonious energy as Winnie-the-Pooh going, “Well, it’s a good thing I noticed it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have seen it”

This is definitely tmi but in retrospect the rescue scene played a formative part in my (bi)sexual awakening: for a long time my go-to pubescent fantasies involved near-drownings followed by hypersexualized resuscitation attempts and frantic uncomfortable sex on wet rocks in damp subterranean caves

Omg I just realized Elizabeth’s scene with Jack on the docks mirrors the one she had on deck Will in the flashback: a (wo)man overboard recovered, rescuer hovering over a supine body and fingering the pirate medallion around his/her neck, love at first sight

“One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness.” “Though it seems enough to condemn him.” Basically “no good deed goes unpunished” but with style

16 years later and the swordfight between Jack and Will holds up as an iconic example of swashbuckling fight choreo. I also love how the exchange establishes the Jack/Will dynamic: the former as a kind of ironic mentor (“Excellent form. But how’s your footwork?”), the latter as an unwilling pupil who nevertheless mostly plays along

“I practice with them three hours a day.” “You need to find yourself a girl, mate.” Raunchy Shakespearean-grade comedy at its finest (along with “This sweet, proliferous bouquet that is Tortuga…What do you think?” “It’ll linger.”)

“This shot is not meant for you.” I love the hints we get of Jack’s darker side: he keeps his bitterness close and his grudges closer; for 10 years he saved that bullet for one man, refusing to expend it in any number of life-threatening situations in the interim; he drawls, “Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen. The deepest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers,” like a witch uttering a curse. A dishonest man, methinks, would not feel the stab of betrayal so deeply.

The running joke of Will not getting recognized for his skills and earnest efforts is what makes Norrington’s parting words to him at the end so satisfying: “This is a beautiful sword. I would expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life.” (NORRINGTON KNEW IT WAS HIM ALONG BUT WAS TOO JEALOUS TO EVER PRAISE HIM TO HIS FACE that petty little shit lmao)

I remember looking up the definition of ‘acquiesce’ after watching CotBP as a kid, so Barbossa had a direct hand in expanding my 9-year old vocabulary.

Competent, hyper-focused!Jack at the wheel with an unholy gleam in his eye as he gets drenched in a torrential downpour is my kind of Byronic hero

I prefer Jack Sparrow’s backstory to remain a loose collection of rumors and half-truths jumbled together even in his own memory, but I DO want to know how Jack and Gibbs met, how the former earned the latter’s (mostly) steadfast loyalty. I want to eavesdrop on all the inebriated conversational musings they’ve shared over a bottle of rum, whether topside on the decks of a ship not the Pearl or shouted above/muttered below the ruckus of a Tortuga tavern.

I’d also read/watch a prequel about the mutiny. “He plays things closer to the vest now. And a hard-learned lesson it was.” WHO HURT YOU JACK

Well obviously Barbossa did, but I still have so many questions! How did a younger, more trusting Jack earn the ire of his first mate and crew, to the point where they’d stage a mutiny? Then again, to hear Gibbs tell it, Barbossa simply appealed to Jack’s sense of fairness; perhaps in their unadulterated greed they saw Jack’s honest streak as a vulnerability to exploit? Or was it something in Jack’s manner of captaincy that fomented discontent? Idk, I can’t tell based on the way the crew jeers at “Gents, you all remember Captain Jack Sparrow?” whether their antipathy smacks more of derision or vitriol.

“Mr. Gibbs? …Jack? Jack Sparrow?” Elizabeth must be SO confused by these blasts from her distant and more recent past: who knows when Gibbs left Norrington’s employ, but the last time she saw Jack he had her in chains and at gunpoint, and now apparently he’s conspiring with Will??

I’ve always been kind of baffled by the cabin scene between Elizabeth and Will. What is she apologizing for? Taking the medallion and not telling him? Or for telling him and making him realize his father was a pirate?

Also her tearful, “Because I was afraid that you were a pirate. That would have been awful” is the biggest, bald-faced lie if I’ve ever heard one. She took an interest in him BECAUSE she thought he was a pirate (although I do think young Elizabeth had been afraid FOR him, after Gibbs’ pantomime of the hangman’s noose)

“daft like Jack” should be my Jack/Elizabeth/Will OT3 tag

Ah, back when PotC incorporated visual gags to spice up their action sequences instead of building the equivalent of a Rube-Goldberg machine around a single, unfunny gag. Compare: Gibbs’ canteen making its unlikely way from the Interceptor to the Pearl and back as an accompaniment to the battle and Jack’s breakout from his cell VS the overextended Tortuga sequence in DMC where Jack weaves in and out of a brawl to no apparent purpose except to try on different hats and then exit the tavern.

“Though it does seem a shame to lose something so fine, don’t it? …So I’ll be having that dress back before you go.” Barbossa is despicable and Geoffrey Rush delivers his lines with such RELISH

I will squee over the island scene & its deleted segments at length in a separate post so for now I’ll just say: Elizabeth is obviously a huge Jack Sparrow stan and she’s doing a piss-poor job of hiding it

Listen it’s easy to overlook Norrington’s sense of duty and decency in the face of the stick up his butt and his bouts of extreme pettiness. But the fact is that Jack’s attempt to manipulate and appeal to his ambition fails. Because the Commodore is no Barbossa - he’s a fine man who serves others, not only himself; who cares whether a woman’s acceptance of his proposal is less than sincere; who wouldn’t have risked his men ambushing the Pearl’s crew had he known about the curse (last two courtesy of the deleted scenes on the Dauntless).

Now that I’m paying closer attention I’m just blown away by the careful consideration in Jack’s plans. He’s playing both sides to further his own goal of enacting revenge at minimal risk to himself, but he looks after the unwitting parties he involves in the process, too: while the Royal Navy occupies the undead pirates from the safety of their long range cannons, Jack can intervene to save Will, use him to break the curse, and kill Barbossa. All the good guys win! (He couldn’t have foreseen the Trojan Horse or the en masse submarine attack; nor Norrington’s pettiness in defying Jack’s instructions to man cannons that would’ve blown the undead into smithereens.)

Exhibit B: “Now, to be quite honest with you, there’s still a slight risk for those aboard the Dauntless, which includes the future Mrs. Commodore.” Disregard his insouciant delivery here, and you get Jack telling the whole, unvarnished truth!!! “What do you have to lose?” he asks Norrington, who brushes him off: “Nothing I’d lament being rid of.” It’s JACK who reminds him that for all their precautions, the ambush might put Elizabeth in danger. Jack knows about the curse, and after being marooned on an island with her, he knows Elizabeth will do whatever’s necessary to save Will. So he finds a way to ensure not only that she won’t interfere, but that she’ll be kept safe from harm!! I’ll never be over it

And Murtogg’s “You think he wasn’t telling the truth?” line is such a great callback to their early sketch as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern on the docks of Port Royal. These dimwits happen to know Jack does tell the truth, expecting no one to believe him. His own exhortations on the subject notwithstanding, Jack’s real trickery lies in rarely telling the whole truth, letting people make their own assumptions, and giving them enough rope by which to hang themselves.

Governor Swann is such a darling, the ultimate doting father. It’s easy to assume he doesn’t get Elizabeth at all, but he’s no idiot. He rightly suspects she only agreed to marry Norrington to save Will, and while he’s not above nudging her in that direction (“I believe you made a very good decision today. Couldn’t be more proud of you.”), he’s also not about to let his only daughter bargain away her happiness for the sake of his OTP. (And his face of exasperated affection at Jack’s hanging, when he realizes she only pretended to faint as a diversion! Notice the lack of surprise in his expression: that’s the face of a father who is all too used to her Pulling This Kind of Shit)

Jack keeps popping up like a bad penny and both Norrington and Barbossa are so appalled every time lol

The sequence where Will breaks the curse and Jack shoots Barbossa and Elizabeth jerks like she’s the one who was shot is just - *chef’s kiss* the CHOREOGRAPHY! the CAMERAWORK! the EDITING!

“I feel…cold.” *a single apple rolls out of Barbossa’s dead hands* Can you believe a summer blockbuster movie invented poetic justice tell your English professors

“If all I have achieved here is that the hangman will earn two pairs of boots instead of one, so be it.” Ugh Will is sooo not my type but he’s so DASHING and GOOD no wonder Elizabeth covets him. What a hero

“My place is between you and Jack.” Ohhh you know what I would love to track the main characters’ alignment arcs throughout the series. Here Will’s situating himself as the Chaotic Good between Jack’s Chaotic Neutral and Norrington’s Lawful Good. But I would argue he’s still pretty Lawful and, even under Jack’s tutelage, only resorts to Chaos in extremis; meanwhile Jack flits between Chaotic Good and Chaotic Neutral; Elizabeth’s arc is similar except it’s unidirectional; and without the Law at his back Norrington spirals into Neutral Evil.

It’s the Sparrabeth shipper in me but the last line of the movie is Jack singing a song that Elizabeth taught him. (*Cutler Beckett voice* “We’ve had dealings in the past. And we’ve each left our mark on the other.”) For a fic about what Jack leaves her, may I redirect you to Shrouded Heart by dollsome, linked above - and this brain dump comes full circle!

#this is already too long and it's...only the tip of the iceberg that is my potc feels #i've reserved my more effusive observations for illustrated commentary #stay tuned for comments & tag novels on edits i've found of my fave scenes #pirates of the caribbean #the long and short of the meta #t-recs

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