#ohhhh my god v oh my god

[canpandaspvp]

5/5 dtqk...tubbo....wilbur.........

[maraczeks]

bcs s6 thread pt 2

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

Teach Me How To Play Coach Miller

Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Pairing: Austin Joel Miller x Female Reader Word Count: 3,275 Summary: You're home alone, relishing a lazy day when your hot neighbor knocks on your door. Seems his TV is out and he really wants to watch the Rangers game. You know nothing about baseball... maybe he can teach you a thing or two? Warnings: smut, porn with very little plot, age gap (reader's college aged, Joel's in his 30's), oral (f & m receiving), unprotected p in v, riding, baseball terms, Joel's a filthy liar but it benefits all of us, mentions of voyeurism and masturbation, big balls Joel Miller in gray sweatpants, no use of y/n, not beta read.

Masterlist

---

It’s another famous hot September afternoon in Texas. Too damn hot to do anything besides walk outside, roll your eyes at the sweltering temperature, turn around and walk back inside. The thick humidity and overbearing heat makes your skin slick and clothing stick in all the wrong places– or maybe the right places– it depends on who’s looking. 

A ring of the doorbell interrupts your lazy day movie marathon. The house is yours for the weekend, your roommates are all gone for a festival and your coursework is all done, so naturally you’re laid on the couch taking a reprieve from the overbearing temperature.

Another ring.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” you grumble. 

You open the door, your knees buckling at your bad luck.

GOD DAMNIT. OF COURSE IT’S JOEL MILLER. *THE* JOEL MILLER. The hot DILF you and your roomies all lust after. The broad, golden skinned GOD of a man that you all argue over who’s going to get to bed one day. 

“Joel? H-hey,” you say, attempting to hide your embarrassment over how you look. It’s 4 PM and you’re still wearing what you woke up in��� an oversized Rangers shirt of your ex-boyfriend’s over a pair of lace boyshorts… it’s too freakin’ hot for actual clothes. 

“Afternoon–uh–so my cable box just stopped working and it’s the clenching game for the playoffs,” he nervously huffs, putting a hand to the back of his neck. “I know it’s crazy to ask, but can I watch the game on your TV?” He lifts a six pack of beer enticingly, “I brought this as payment.”

“Oh,” your eyes widen in surprise. Joel Miller… on your couch? Yes! Joel Miller on your couch! You open the door wider and step aside to let him in. “Of course, make yourself at home.” 

He walks into your house… this is a dream come true, he’s in GRAY SWEATPANTS and they hug his thick body perfectly. 

You take a precursory look around your living room, silently thanking yourself for picking up the house yesterday. Now the hunk of a neighbor you’ve touched yourself to while watching him mow his lawn is closer to you than he’s ever been.

You quickly stroll over to the coffee table, picking up the remote and handing it to him. 

“Thanks for this, appreciate it sweetheart,” Joel says, sitting on the couch, taking up a whole cushion with his broad body. 

Ohhhh, sweetheart. His eyes darken at the sight of your breath hitching, before his eyes gaze lowers to your bare legs. 

“Yeah, o-of course,” you nod, feeling very underdressed with your handsome neighbor taking a seat on the couch you were just laid out on a few minutes ago. “I’ll go get an opener.”

Joel turns the game on and settles his back against the couch cushions, “Thanks sweetheart.” 

__

The ceiling fan chains clang against one another, it only does this on high, it drives you crazy but the soft breeze it sends down is worth the annoyance. Your skin’s too overheated sitting only a couch cushion’s length away from Joel. Your foot nervously taps against the carpet while you try to focus on the book you’re reading. You’re overwhelmed by his presence, hearing his lips form around the beer bottle and taking a swig, the movement of his body against the couch cushions, the smell of wood and coffee he’s brought into the house. You sigh, turning your attention to the game, maybe today’s the day you’ll learn about America’s pastime. 

“Why is it called a shortstop? Do they have to be short?” You ask putting your book down. 

“No,” Joel chuckles, “s’just what the position is called.” 

“Ah, and every team has one?”

“Yes,” he shakes his head, “what exactly do you know about this game, sweetheart?”

“Um, I know I like their tight pants.” 

“Oh really?” Joel looks over at you, crooking his eyebrow up. 

“Yep, and the guy throwing the ball is really tall and cute.”

“That’s called a pitcher sweetheart,” he shakes his head at your ignorance.

“And he throws to the…” your finger taps your cheek while you mock contemplation, “catcher?” 

“That’s right,” he nods, his voice dropping an octave. “What else do you know?”

“I know there’s bases and home runs, adorable mascots and Cracker Jacks.”  

“What bases?”

“Hmm. First base, second base, third base, and home.”

“Good girl,” he grins, “you’re a smart girl.”

“I know I am,” you smugly smile at him. “First base is kissing. Second base is above the waist, third base is bel—“

Joel’s laugh cuts you off. “Is that right? Seems you know all about baseball, you’ve… ‘played baseball’ before?” 

“Mm,” you lean towards him, “I like playing baseball… I just haven’t in a few months… you know besides practicing with myself.”

He shakes his head, a devilish smirk lights his face as he angles his body towards you. “You practice a lot?”

“Yeah, especially when my hot neighbor is outside mowing his lawn and he gets all sweaty. My bedroom window looks right out on his lawn.” Joel’s eyes widen at the realization that you’re talking about him. “Sometimes he lifts the hem of his shirt and wipes his brow, I get to see a peek of his stomach, it’s super hot.”

“Funny,” he puts his beer bottle down and licks his lips. “I have a hot neighbor too. I’ve, uh, ‘practiced’ before while thinking about how good she looks running in her tight shorts and tiny tank top.” 

Your core begins to pulse at his words, desire lights inside your body. Joel Miller has noticed you *and* gets off to the thought of you?! And now, he’s on your couch, sending you a lascivious look. Let’s ball. 

“Can I play?” you ask, head tilted with a smirk before scooting closer to him.

“Yeah?” his eyebrows crook up. “You want to play with an old man like me?” 

You nod. “Put me in coach.”

“Batter up baby,” he growls, grabbing and lifting you to straddle his lap. You’re thankful for your measly lace panties, less layers between you and Joel’s dick. “You wanna show me first base?”

You gulp, pouty lips agape begging to be kissed by Joel Miller. “First base,” you nuzzle your nose against his, “is kissing.”

“Mm,” he nips at your bottom lip, “then kiss me, pretty girl.”

You pull away, angling your head to look at the TV. “But what about the game?”

“They’re losing by four,” he grabs your chin, turning your head back towards him. “Plus, I don’t think it’s possible to care about the game when a pretty girl like you is on my lap.”

Leaning forward, you plant a soft kiss and suck his plush bottom lip into your mouth. Your heart flutters inside your chest when his mouth opens inviting you to lick into it as he lifts the hem of your shirt. 

You swipe his hand away, “Not at second base yet.”

“Fuck,” he pants. “Been wanting to see you since you moved in last year.”

His confession rolls through your body, sending waves of want through your limbs. You want to rock your hips against him, you want to feel your bare skin against his, you want to feel him inside you, but you also love the game you’re playing and it’s not just every day your hot neighbor comes over to watch a ballgame and winds up with his tongue in your mouth.  

You deepen the kiss, moaning against his lips as your tongues collide and explore each other’s mouths. Raucous shouting of the announcers on the TV interrupts your makeout session.

“Mmph, will you look at that? Rangers just hit a grand slam ’n tied the game. You wanna celebrate now?” Joel grabs the hem of your shirt and angles his eyebrow up.

“Show me second base Joel.”

Your shirt is lifted and tossed aside, your nipples pebble under the cool fan air and Joel’s attention. He stares, eyes wide in astonishment as he takes your bare chest in. 

“Second base is above the waist stuff,” you direct. His large, calloused hands mold around the weight of your flesh. 

“Mm, knew you’d be soft,” he rasps in awe. His touch drives you crazy, just an hour ago, you were dozing off on the couch to Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion, now Joel Miller is holding your tits in his hands. He rubs the tips of his thumbs back and forth across your nipples. “Can I use my mouth on you baby?” he asks, his gaze moving from your chest to your eyes pleadingly. 

“God yes,” you pant, rising up to bring your chest to his mouth. He clasps his lips around your nipple, sucking and pulling, swirling his tongue around the peak before letting it go with a pop. Your back arches, your weight settling firmer against him when he nips his way across your chest, taking your other breast into his mouth and suckling. Your hands snake underneath his shirt and run across the plush of his stomach petting your hands across the smattering of hair across his belly. 

Joel buries his face between your breasts, breathing you in and groaning against your skin, his hands grab your hips and push your body firmer against his half hard cock still clad in his sweatpants.

He’s fully dressed, your teensy pair of lace panties do very little to stop your cunt from dripping onto the light gray fabric of his sweatpants. Your hips begin to grind against the shape of him, begging for contact. He ruts his hips up to tap against your core pulling a moan from you. 

He snickers teasingly, “We goin’ to third base already baby?”

You whimper a measly yes, rocking yourself harder against him. Fuck the pace of game, it’s going to be a quick one. You’re so needy for him, you can’t believe this is happening with Joel “hot dad” Miller. Your roommates are never going to believe you. 

You reach for the hem of his shirt, bunching it up before he chucks it off and throws it across the couch. You lean back, eyes widening at the sight of him. Good LORD, he’s perfect. His skin glows in the late afternoon light beaming in from the front window. His shoulders and arms are toned from all of the manual labor you always watch him accomplish. Your hands roam his soft muscles, exploring the plains of his body. He’s the whole fucking package. He looks at you with a smug smirk while you take him in. 

You want to taste him and see if he tastes like the sweat and sunlight. Your lips find his collarbone, licking and sucking, tasting the slight salt of the sweat the heat leaves on everybody’s skin on days like today. Delectable.

His throat groans against your tongue, he shivers underneath you, you’ve never wanted someone so badly before. 

“Fuck me,” you plead against his skin, “please.”

“Not yet, not yet baby, we’re still at third, you’re still learning all about baseball. I need to enjoy a game as sweet as you,” he implores, sliding a hand between your legs and petting your soaked panties. “This all for me?” 

“Yesss,” you hiss, licking your way up through his scratchy beard to his mouth. 

You gasp against his lips when he slides a thick finger inside. He chuckles a deep breath against your mouth, “So fucking wet aren’t you pretty girl?” 

Your only answer is a garbled moan and a clench around his second finger that stretches you. 

His fingers languidly fuck you while his thumb teases soft circles against your clit, you’re writhing from his touch, breathing mews into the air. He licks into your mouth swallowing every shattered breath that escapes from your throat. So many nights you’ve fallen asleep to the thought of this moment laying alone in your bed, gazing out the window at the Miller household. What would Joel Miller’s overworked hands and plush mouth feel like against your body? Well, now you know, and it feels even better than you could have ever imagined.  

He licks his way down to your neck, asking “Can I taste you?” against your skin. 

“Yes,” you cry out. 

Joel lifts you with a grunt and lays you down against the couch cushions. He stands over you, running a hand across your body, mapping his way from your breasts down your stomach to the trim of your panties.

“You’re gorgeous,” he muses, his eyes turning black as he pulls your panties down, exposing your pussy to him. You spread your legs open encouraged by the possessiveness of his stare. He tosses your underwear behind him before settling on the couch between your legs with a deep growl. Your legs are lifted over his shoulders. “Fuck,” he sighs, planting a kiss against your thigh, “you’re so fucking hot. Let’s get to third base sweetheart.”

His eyes flutter shut at the first taste of you when he parts your folds with his tongue. Everything about Joel Miller is wide- his fingers, his shoulders, his chest. Right now, his wide tongue is driving you crazy as it swirls against your clit. He devours you, licking and laving all over your drooling pussy, drinking you down and savoring you like you’re his last meal. His eyes stay on your face the whole time, watching you fall apart against his mouth. Your fingers wrap around the dark waves of his hair pulling him in closer, hips undulating against his mouth getting yourself off on the feel of the bristle of his beard against your sensitive flesh. His tongue flattens and runs up and down the shape of you before he dips two fingers into your entrance and buries them knuckles deep. Your back curves at the overwhelming sensation of his tongue on your clit as your soaked walls clench around his thick fingers. 

“Mm, close,” you whimper while your feet thud repeatedly against his strong back. He nods against your core, dark brown eyes still focused on your face. Your heart races at the way he watches you under his thick eyebrows creased in concentration. Of course Joel Miller is good at eating pussy, he’s a hard worker. You wail his name out when you orgasm against his mouth, your body tightens as you flood his fingers and throb for him. He kisses your swollen clit gently, letting a deep moan and chuckle out while you spasm underneath him. 

Joel’s face glistens with you when he lifts his head up, “Welcome to third base.” 

“You haven’t gotten here yet,” you arch an eyebrow and lick your parted lips, still panting for air.

He kisses each thigh with a loud smack before getting up. 

He looms over your blissed out body on the couch and yanks down his pants and boxers, a gulp rolls down your throat at the sight of him. So fucking thick and engorged with a sweet drop of precum rolling down his shaft.

“Wow,” you gasp, rolling to your side to bring yourself eye level to his twitching cock. Your eyebrows rise in awe when he wraps his hand around himself and strokes.

“Yeah?” his voice smolders through you. 

“I’ve thought about what you looked like naked, and now that I see it… wow.” You can’t believe the confession just left your mouth.

“Funny,” he collects a drop of precum on his fingertip and rubs it against your bottom lip,” I thought the same thing.”

Your tongue darts out to taste him, salty, bitter, so fucking manly. You want to taste more of him. 

You bring your lips to the crown of his cock, kissing the tip and running your tongue along the length of his shaft. He gasps, leaning forward to rest his hands on the sofa back. 

“Fuck sweetheart, that’s good,” he drawls when you suck him into your mouth engulfing the thick length of him in the wet heat of your mouth. 

You cup the heft of his balls in your hand… thick cock, big balls, of course Joel Miller has big balls. 

“You’re good at this sweetheart, really fucking good,” he huffs, rubbing his thumb against your cheek as you hollow them and suck him to the back of your throat. 

Your eyes flutter up to watch Joel snarl down at you while his hips buck into your drooling mouth.

“Can’t keep lookin’ at me like that sweetheart, or else we’re not going to get to homebase.”

Your pussy clenches at his words, begging to be filled like your mouth. It’s as if Joel can read your mind, his hand lands in between your thighs and begins petting your aching cunt. 

“Feels like she needs to have my cock in her, doesn’t she?” he says, tapping his fingers against your entrance. “Think maybe we should get to homebase?”

He pulls his cock out of your mouth and lifts you off the couch into his arms, he’s so fucking strong. 

He leaves a searing kiss on your lips before settling on the couch, still holding you close to him. 

“You ready for homebase?” he asks, gazing into your eyes. 

“Put me in coach, I’m ready to play,” you smile, giddy at the anticipation of getting fucked by Joel Miller.

“Go ahead sweetheart, fuck me,” his drawl drips in arousal as you slowly sink yourself down on him, gasping at the feel of his thick cock stretching you. 

Your hips rock back and forth to adjust to the size of him spreading you open. 

“Knew you’d feel so good sweetheart, knew it as soon as I saw you,” he says, peppering kisses across your face and neck. “So pretty, so soft, feels so fucking good.”

Joel Miller always seemed too intimidating, too closed off, too attractive to ever be interested in a neighbor much too young for him, and yet here he is ignoring the baseball game he wanted to watch, instead burying his cock into your pussy.

You ride him, your pace turning more frenzied and desperate the more he chants your name.

The ticks of the fan chains clanging against one another accompanies the sound of your pussy bouncing up and down on his dick. Hips meeting hips, skin hitting skin, breath gasping breath, chain knocking chain. Your fingers wrap around his curls pulling his head up to kiss you. Your breaths puff against his, you can’t hide the blissed out smile that lights up your whole face as he pounds into you.

Your body begins to tingle and quiver when his cock hits the gushy spot that makes you see stars. 

“That’s it baby, that’s it,” Joel grits against your neck biting and sucking, marking you with his mouth and owning you with his cock. 

You scream a choked sob when your orgasm lights through you, your walls clutch Joel’s cock as you come undone. He grips you harder, pushing you into his chest and holding you as close as he can with his tense muscles as he lifts you and pulls out painting your pussy lips with his cum. You collapse against him, gasping for air against his sweaty skin, darting your tongue out to lick some of the sweet salt so you can always remember the taste of playing ball with Joel Miller. 

“Can I tell you something?” Joel asks, his voice radiates through your ear resting against his chest. 

“Hmm? Yeah,” you sigh.

“My TV still works,” he sheepishly says. You sit up at the shock of his words. “I just really wanted to watch the game with a pretty girl.” He sends you a sultry, guilty smirk that you cover with your lips. 

___ Tagging people who showed interest in my WIP a couple weeks ago for this. Along with my camp coven friends who helped.

@luxurychristmaspudding, @sizzlingcloudmentality, @sawymredfox, @magpiepills, @yxtkiwiyxt

@beefrobeefcal, @ace-turned-confused, @yopossum, @mothandpidgeon, @bitchesuntitled

@maggiemayhemnj, @jennaispunk, @timelordfreya

[finneander]

Cyberpunk 2077 no pills ending man. Man. Spoilers in tags i guess because holy fuck man

[sexilene]

I need more 80's slasher!rafe plsss lene!! 😘

ohhhh shureee!!! 💞 sorry if there are any misspellings!

𐦍༘₊ ⊹ warnings! 18+ - p in v, non con, over stimulation, violence, death, spanking, knife play, dark!rafe - ₊˚⊹

"rafe, i'm tired my feet hurt and- i just wanna go home!"

"hey, i took you out on a nice date that you wanted me to take you on!" he yells, clearly frustrated at you. 

"i didn't even wanna go on a date with you! i only agreed to go with you because you won't take no for an answer and you'd kill any guy that talks to me!" you shout back. you shift you balance to the other leg making you trip on the uneven road with the stupid little heels he advised you didn't wear, telling you to 'just go comfortable'. you walk away from him when he doesn't answer and just looks at you furrowing his eyebrows and squinting his eyes.

"HEY! don't walk away from me when i'm talking to you!" he yells back much louder than before, causing you to freeze and almost twist your ankle with the way you halted. turning around to face him, his eyes meeting yours and not looking away as he stalks over to you. 

"you better watch your tone with me. don't ever say some shit like that again, take it back," he demands, staring down at you. he grabs your wrist with a bruising grip when you don't answer immediately. 

"let go-"

"nah, you know what? im gonna show you somethin'." he wraps his arm around your waist and picks you up over his shoulder, carrying you back to his truck. the silence of the small neighborhood is suddenly disrupted by your loud protests. yet nobody comes out to see what's causing the commotion because rafe has already thrown you into your seat and buckled you in. a knife gripped in one hand as he uses the other to drive, both of you sit in silence as he drives out into the middle of nowhere.

"rafe, where are we goin'?" you ask in a soft tone, hopefully, to get him to soften with you as well. 

"shut up." he doesn't look away from the road, eyes still focused straight ahead into darkness being slightly illuminated by the lights of his truck. 

rafe finally parks the truck just before the entrance of a dirt path so that the tire marks aren't printed on the dirt just in case. he leans over and unbuckles you, then gets out of the car to go around and help you out. 

"rafe i'm really sorry about what i said, i know you just want to spend time with me- but you're scaring me!" 

"jus' come with me." he holds onto your hand tightly, guiding you through the dark forest just before a swampy lake. 

"why are we here..." you whisper 

"i wanna show you somethin', baby look." he points to where an obviously pale dead body of a young man lay floating not too far from where you two are standing, left to be eaten by gators. 

"oh my god..." you cover your mouth with your hand, looking up at rafe with teary eyes. 

"that's the asshole who'd perv around the girl's locker rooms-"

"oh my god rafe!"

"no hey- i'm not done. he's also the asshole who had creepy little pictures of you taped in his locker, did you know that?" he maneuvers his hands around to grab onto the sides of your face to get you to look up at him. 

"i got him to drive here, n'i got rid of him for you babyface, because i'm a good boyfriend right?" 

"you did this today?" you whisper.

"right before our date..." he whispers back.

you can bring yourself to do anything, tears rolling down your cheeks, he sighs and lets go of your face, running his hands through his hair. your body acting faster than your mind, taking the opportunity to make a run for it and find a way to call for help not even knowing what you are doing anymore. 

"jesus, you better get back here now!!! i'm not in the mood to play around!!" he shouts, pulling his knife out of his pocket and already chasing after you. you run as fast as you really can with the heels, heart beating so loud that's all you can hear. 

tripping over your heels again, your knees hit the dirt. you quickly throw off the heels leaving your white filly lace socks to get dirtied. 

"little bitch, didn't i tell you not to wear those stupid little heels....hmm?"

you shut your eyes after hearing his voice, knowing it's too late now. he bends down to you on the floor and lifts your chin up with the tip of his knife. tsking when he meets your eyes, manhandling you on your hands and knees, lifting your little skirt, and cutting off your panties making you shiver at how the cold air of the night hits your bare pussy. 

"rafe- no! m'sorry...m'really sorry!!" you whimper, closing your eyes shut when you feel his bulge in his pants pressing against your thigh. 

"have'ta put you in your place, cause like where the fuck do you get off runnin' away from me like that huh?" 

"i said i was sorry, please!" you sob, though you don't see him, rafe nods and presses the side of your face down into the dirt and pulls his thick hard cock out to press against your entrance. you scream when you start to feel the stretch, tears continuing to run down your face. to shut you up he stops for a second and stuffs your torn panties into your mouth to muffle your screams, then goes back to pushing himself in balls deep. 

"better quit it with the attitude, that's not how good girls are supposed to act. can't you see how much i love you? i kill for you princess and all i get in return is your fucking attitude?!!" he scoffs with a laugh, now starting a brutal pace, pounding into your poor puffy cunt with no time to really adjust to his size.

"jus' want you to be my good girl 'n listen to me cause i know what's best for you."

the only thing heard is the sound of his balls slapping against your clit, his groans, and your pathetic whimpers muffled by the piece of cloth in your mouth. a loud smack then ringing in your ears as he slaps your ass so hard it burns and leaves a sting that lingers when he grips the flesh in his big rough hands. you squeeze your eyes shut and tighten your pussy around him, screaming around the gag. he shushes you with an "easy girl, eaaasy" and smacks the same spot again, feeling how your ass cheek starts to get hot due to his assault.

"you gonna be good now? hm?" he taunts, taking the panties covered in your drool out of your mouth. 

"yes-yes! yes rafe, m'sorry." you breathe out, your hands clawing at the grass and dirt. 

“i know, i know...thaaaat's my girl, cream all over me." he can feel how close you are and how your cunt is starting to pulse around him harder. he reaches his arm around your waist and brings his thumb to rub fast circles on your clit making your eyes roll back and immediately cum all over his fat cock, squeezing him and leaving a white ring on the base of his dick.

 "atta girl." he doesn't lessen the assault on your body, continuing to pound into you and rub your clit to overstimulate you, causing you to weakly thrash around. 

"when you struggle it jus' makes your pussy tighter princess." he grips your hips to keep you from moving around too much, feeling like he can barely move at how tight you are clamping down on him. 

"stop- no more rafey, no more i can't." you mewl. 

"shhhh, juuus' one more i know you can do it baby."

he rams into you, his cock so thick stretching you out, you're moaning at how warm and good he feels in you that your brain just shuts off. 

"tell me you love me n' i'll let you cum. wanna hear you say it." he stops rubbing your clit and pulls your hips to be closer to him.

"can't- can't!!!" you whine all cock drunk.

"no, i know you can. c'mon..." he grunts and pushes your face into the dirt, keeping you there.

"i love- i love you rafe, love you so much!" you scream when you feel the bulge in your tummy and his tip kissing your cervix. 

"i love you too baby." satisfied he brings his hand back to rub your clit hard and fast. you moan out with your mouth open in an o shape, you cum for the second time. your hear your heartbeat in your ears as he spreads your ass painfully with a rough grip to watch how his cock goes in and out of your twitching cunt. 

"such a pretty pussy..." he grins, he pushes in one last time hard and fills you to the brim with his cum. panting he pulls out letting his cum drool out of your spent hole and that's the last thing you remember before losing all feeling and passing out. 

[pandorxxx]

Trading places

Lo’ak x omatikayan fem reader

Warnings: p in v, cursing,multiple creampies, orgasms, praise kink, dom-reader, whimpering/frustrated/crying lo’ak.

🔞mdni🔞

“Shiiiiit.” Lo’ak whimpered, his tied hands pressing against your stomach to slow you down. You had been riding him for the past hour, milking him dry of everything. Ropes of his own seed dripping down his balls with every bounce of your hips. Sticky pelvises colliding rapidly.

“You can take it, right? Isn’t that what you make do?” You moaned, holding onto his clammy shoulders as his head fell back on the couch. He shook his head lazily, tears streaming down his flushed face.

“I-Im so sorry, baby. I’m sorry, but I-I can’t do this. Please.” He spoke breathily, voice rippling with each hard bounce to his lap. His eyes met yours, he was practically pleading from the gaze he gave you, but all you did was kiss his forehead.

“No, baby. I want you to cum for me.” You teased, rolling your hips into his. He gasped, glancing down at the source of pleasure.

“Ohhh come o-nnnn. I came s-seven times already- ngh!- please. I don’t t-treat you like this. It’s t-oooo much.” He growled in frustration, his teeth chattering from the overstimulation.

“One more time, big boy. You can do it. You’re doing so good for me.” you moaned, purposely clenching around him. He groaned in restraint, his jaw clenching as his head went back again. He wanted nothing more than to rip out of those restraints.

You continued bouncing on him relentlessly. Loud clapping sounds filling the room. Lo’ak was usually the dominant one, and the switch in roles had him frustrated, on top of the unbearable pleasure you were sending him. He began to weep under you. Tears blurring his vision. He tried to push on your stomach again, just to hault your movements.

“Goddamn Y/n, please. Why are y-ouuu fucking me like this? I-I can’t feel my legs baby, pleaseee!” He cried, trying to wiggle out of the restraints, but it was no use.

“Because I WANT to.” You hissed, bouncing on him slow and hard, making his head spin. His mouth flew opened, silent whimpers escaping as his eyes rolled back.

“Yeahhh, baby. You like that? Hmm?” You teased, kissing his bottom lip. He nodded lazily, his body starting to spazz under yours.

“I-I can’t. Fuuuck, I can’t.” He mumbled, his head sinking into his chest as he fluttered in and out of consciousness. You let out a little chuckle, smacking his cheek gently.

“I know, I know. I’m almost done. Just wake up for me.” You reassured, rolling your hips into his. “Ah-a-ha! O-Ok.” He whimpered, his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure.

“Y/n. I-Im gonna cum. I-I’m cumming.” He moaned, lip quivering as his eyes rolled in pleasure. He let out a loud groan before shooting his eighth load of the night, directly into your womb.

“Ohhh yes, lo’ak. I can feel it….so fucking much of it.” You spoke sensually against his quivering lips. Your sweet words making him let out a loud moan as he filled you up to the brim.

“Keep filling me up, lo’ak. Juuuust like that. Pump me FULL, ok?” You moaned in his ear, licking it seductively to tease him.

“Fuuuuuck.” He spoke in an exhausted tone, head finding refuge on the couch again. You sped up the pace, moaning loudly as you chased your orgasm.

“P-please. It’s s-ooo sensitive, y/n.” He whimpered, shaking with every bounce. God, you loved the way he begged.

“2 more minutes. I-I’m almost there! Fuuuck lo’ak.” You whimpered, speeding up your pace. In turn, making lo’aks head spin.

“Ohhh, oh fuck. Ohhhh fuck!” He moaned, trying to get out of those restraints now more than ever. It was the moment when you started to roll your hips, nice and hard. He lost all thought. Beginning to pass out completely with a few sharp whimpers before he closed his eyes.

“YES! SO CLOSE LO’AK!” You screamed, eyes closed as your body began to shake from the on coming orgasm. He let out a small groan in response, still fluttering in and out of consciousness.

“Mmm cumming!” You announced, bouncing your way through your intense orgasm with a Loud moan. You finally slowed down before stopping completely. Catching your breath before looking down at you lifeless boyfriend with a loud gasp.

“Oh God. Lo’ak?” You asked, untying the restraints gently, only for his hands to fall In his lap. He groaned in agony underneath you, grabbing your hips softly.

“I-I’ve gotta.” Lo’ak panted, trying to lazily lift you off of him, with little to no success. “You’ve gotta what, baby?” You asked, caressing the sides of his heavy head.

“Gotta—uhh. C-Clean you up.” He muttered, trying to sit up, only to fail miserably with a loud sigh.

“What did you do to me?” He joked, looking into the sky in defeat. You chuckled, lifting your hips up slowly. He came out with a pop, his seed spilling out of you like a waterfall.

“Ohhh shit.” He groaned, finding enough strength to watch the scene underneath him. “How about i clean up this time, hmm?” You asked, pecking his quivering lips. He rolled his eyes, frustrated at the fact that he couldn’t tend to you how he always does.

“Fine. But this is the LAST time you’ll be in control. You’re too much for me.” He chuckled, rubbing circles into your hips.

“Yes, lo’ak.” You nodded, standing up slowly to tend to your exhausted boyfriend. Maybe you should do this more often?

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @terrorthewolf @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @st-cass @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @xreadersstuff @sweetllamaparadise @lia-nath @sullymenrhot @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @slay-nt @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @skxawngmia @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @taylormarieee @sweethoneycn

[binsito]

I loved your idea of hannie with his nail tech crush.. yk what i think though? OBVIOUSLY the nailtech kinda knows abt this little crush of his. She doesnt know how severe it is but she does notice the way he blushes slightly when she compliments his hands, or the way his eyes sparkle when she finally giggles at one of his jokes. Also who am i kidding the nail tech obviously ALSO finds hannie v v cute and v v hot bc,,,, he's hannie??? He's charming and handsome and he keeps his fingernails clean soooo maybe the next time he comes around, and she is feeling a little frustrated bc her own hands aren't enough fun for her.. she'll hint at wanting his fingers inside of her? Maybe she'll be kinda distracted and shy this tine or maybe she's bold and just straight up teases him by saying things that could be considered dirty but also might just be his pervy mind interpreting the wrong thing. Aaa idk i'm not a writer but yourw giving my head THOUGHTS

OHHHH MYGOD. thank god you left this ask bc i was dying to write more for this JASHDJA

warning: fingering, hand worshipping, swearing, slight perv!han jisung, lmk if i missed anything but it's pretty tame

wc: 914

hannie has to act normal.

hannie has to be cool.

hannie has to act like he doesn't go home after every appointment and edges his cock thinking about how nice it would be to have your lips wrapped around his tip.

so when he walks into the salon, straight into your suite and takes a seat at your chair - he makes a mental promise to himself that:

he. will. not. get. hard.

he won't get hard if you hold his hands, it's all part of your job.

he won't get hard if you smooth lotion on him, it's just a courtesy.

he won't get hard if you compliment his nails, they're only pretty because you made them pretty.

"hannie do you even put your fingers to use?"

what?

"you come here so often and yet they're rarely chipped or overgrown. you must not lift a finger." you smile.

oh.

he felt so stupid, of course he read into it in such a dumb, perverted way.

"you must take good care of yourself hm?"

fuck.

why couldn't he be normal? why couldn't he just have nice, clean thoughts? why was he getting hard? why couldn't he just keep his promise?

"your hands are always soft. i wish i had nice fingers like you. they're long and pretty.."

he clears his throat and laughs awkwardly. he was being such a loser.

"oh yeah.. they're definitely long, alright.. hah.." he says

who the fuck says that?

he literally wanted the ground to eat him up.

"yeah, they are. longer than mine." you giggle as you work on his polish.

"yeah.. way longer.."

and why he kept going? only god knows, but he definitely noticed your face flushing (and was he crazy or were you pressing your legs tightly together under the table?)

hannie doesn't think he's ever seen you this quiet, this concentrated on his hands before. after the conversation died out, there was no other topic to bounce off of. and normally han jisung would just start talking about random shit, would tell you your hair looked pretty or that he noticed your subtle eye makeup and that it looked nice.

but not now.

not today.

"hannie have you ever had problems reaching things with your fingers? i-it could just be because mine aren't as long as yours but.. you know they're never quite enough to reach."

"oh uh.. n-no but do you need help reaching something? i could help.."

"could you really? that's so sweet of you, hannie.." your smile could melt him into a puddle. you smile at him so sweetly, just for him and han jisung can't really handle that well.

"so what is it you need help with? something too high up or-"

"well.. i just can't seem to cum. doing your nails frustrates me so much. they look so nice so why can't i have them inside of me?" you pout at him.

the wind feels like it was knocked out of him. he thanks god that you have your own little suite and no one else was around to hear that.

"f-fuck, are you serious? holy shit, why didn't you say something sooner?"

"well because i'm a little shy and because i wanted to finish doing your set first, of course..

you really mean it though? will you actually help me?"

"yes.. fuck, yes i'll help you."

his eagerness was cute. unluckily for him, he still had to wait for you to cure his gel polish. his leg bouncing impatiently as you gave him a look to quit it.

he smiled shyly and let out a nervous chuckle as he tried to contain himself. once you were done, he damn near jumped out of his chair towards you. you put some of your supplies away and walked past him to lock the door. as soon as he felt the coast was clear and no one would walk in, he grabbed you - kissing you deeply and pressing you against his lean body.

it was an intense kiss, full of want and desire but you welcomed it because you had been feeling the same way. you pulled away slightly to grab his wrist, bringing it up towards your mouth so you could take two of his freshly manicured fingers in between your lips.

you made sure to get them nice and wet, saliva connecting them to the tip of your tongue when you pulled them out.

han jisung felt weak.

he found himself pressing you against the nearest wall, your pants long forgotten as he pumped his fingers inside you, finally leaving you fuller than your fingers ever could.

the pads of his fingers massaged your gummy spot and curled against it making your knees buckle. it was all too perfect and better than you could ever imagine. you knew the orgasm he was going to pull from you was going to be intense. you felt it bubbling up already and he hadn't even been touching you for long.

but when he brings his other hand forward to rub at your clit and you look down to catch a peek of his baby blue nails, you lose yourself to him and feel yourself cream around his fingers. clenching your cunt tightly against them, not wanting him to ever pull out.

however when he does pull out, he makes sure to have you watch as he sucks your essence off his fingers. rolling his eyes back at the taste and humming in satisfaction.

please refrain from reposting, modifying, translating, copying or stealing my work. - © binsito

[finchesslingshott]

HI THERE I SAW LES MISERABLES LAST NIGHT HERE ARE MY NOTES

ACT 1     ⁃    SOBBINGGGG OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE YOU ORCHESTRA     ⁃    ok valjean i see you!! get the emotions!!!     ⁃    YES ENSEMBLE I SEE YOU AND I LOVE YOU     ⁃    I DREAMED A DREAM. OH MY GOSH. HER VOICE. cry #1     ⁃    fantine death- THE EMOTIONSSSSSS. OH MY GOSH. cry #2     ⁃    cosette im sobbing i love you     ⁃    YES THENARDIERS YOURE SO ICONIC     ⁃    all together master of the house is a 5000/10 literally so funny     ⁃    THE SET???? THE FRICKING SET???!?!?!!?!?!??!     ⁃    VALJEAN AND BABY COSETTE SINGING TOGETHER BEFORE THE BARGAIN???? BRB SOBBING MY EYES OUT OHMYGOSH     ⁃    OHMYGOSH GAVROCHE. GAVROCHE. GAVROCHE.     ⁃    ok grantaire i see you!??! long haired drunk king??? get it i guess???!!!     ⁃    RED AND BLACKKKK IM CRYING THE HARMONIESSSSS - cry #3     ⁃    "listen!! lisTEN TO ME!!? L I S T E N  E V E R Y B O D Y" (really awkward pause) "general lamarque is dead.."     ⁃    me and my friend both said "womp womp" and were sobbing laughing     ⁃    i LIVE for the grantaire + gavroche duo like theyre such a cute duo i cant     ⁃    DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING OH MY GOODNESS HARMONIESSSS - cry #4     ⁃    oh my gosh the eponine/thenardier fight i love them so much what a traumatic duo     ⁃    IN MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFE I WANT TO BE COSETTE SHES SO HOT     ⁃    A HEART FULL OF LOVE THOSE HARMONIESSSSS THE END OHMYGOSHHHH - cry #5     ⁃    stars - so much better than russell crowe but thats not saying much - 1000000/10 i love you javert     ⁃    I. LOVE. TENORS. OH. MY. GOODNESS.     ⁃    ONE DAY MORE. OH MY GOSH. THE CHOREO. THE SET. THE CHARACTERS. THE HARMONIES. THAT STUPID RED FLAG. OH. MY. GOSH. - ♾️/10 i love you marius never change - cry #6

side note- i was sobbing at the end of "one day more" as intermission started and house lights went up i just looked up at my mom + friend and said "i freaking love tenors" through copious tears ANYWHO-

ACT 2     ⁃    THE BARRICADE????? THE SET????????????? OHMYGOSH????     ⁃    OKAY OH MY GOODNESS WHO ALLOWED IT TO OPEN WITH ON MY OWN THATS NOT FAIR - cry #7     ⁃    little fall of rain OHHHH MY GOSHHHHH MARIUS PONTMERCY I LOVE YOU - cry #8     ⁃    AND WHY ON GODS BEAUTIFUL GREEN EARTH DID "DRINK WITH ME" IMMEDIATELY PROCEED THAT IM SOBBING     ⁃    gavroche sprinting across the stage and hugging grantaire like his life depends on it, grantaire turning around dropping to his knees and just hugging that sweet little boy i love him grantaire was shaking i love him     ⁃    grantaire i love you why did you leave me - cry #9     ⁃    AND THEN "BRING HIM HOME??? RIGHT THERE???? WTFFFF????? - cry #10     ⁃    WHO SET GAVROCHES DEATH I WANT TO HUG YOU AND KILL YOU AT THE SAME TIME YOU PUT A SPOT ON MY BOY ON CENTRE AT THE TOP OF THE BARRICADE AND THEN JUST LET HIM SLUMP INTO GRANTAIRES ARMS??? BECAUSE YOU WANT TO HURT ME THAT MUCH???? - cry #11     ⁃    and ohmygosh the dead silence after his death like everyones in shock oh my goodness gavroche come back i miss you     ⁃    UGHHHH THE WAY THE ABC BOYS DEATHS WERE SETTTTTT I CANT THE SPOTS ON ALL OF EM IM SOBBING - cry #12     ⁃    ENJOLRAS BEING THE LAST ONE AND DOING THE ARM RAISE AND THEN JUST FLOPPING OVER NOOOOO BBY DONT LEAVE ME ILY - cry #13     ⁃    the guy putting gavroche in the cart with enjolras SOBBING I MISS THEM     ⁃    javert starting to emotionally unravel when seeing gavroche dead     ⁃    OK BACKDROP I SEE YOU ATE IT UP     ⁃    thenardier i hate you i cant wait for you to die say hi to judas ascariot for me     ⁃    EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY TABLES MARIUS I LOVE YOU - 10000000000000/10     ⁃    when "phantom faces at the window" all thE ABC BOYS CAME OUT WITH ENJOLRAS AND GAVROCHE SPLITTING CENTRE AS THE FIRST AND LAST OF THE ABC BOYS TO FALL ON THE BARRICADE LITERALLY STOP - cry #14     ⁃    javerts suicide omw literally in shock like jaw DROPPED tears STREAMING - cry #15     ⁃    the EMOTIONNNNNNN     ⁃    ALSO THE WHOLE SCENE LIKE THE BACKDROP??? THE TECH??? THE LIGHTING???     ⁃    orchestra i love you never change ever marry me     ⁃    the wedding ate i freaking love mme. thenardier shes so chaotic     ⁃    "this ones a queer / i'll give it a try" (mr thenardier dips another dude like a fricking king ily)     ⁃    marius i love you marry me forget cosette MARRY ME     ⁃    fantine in valjeans death scene I LITERALLY CANT I LOVE YOU - cry #16     ⁃    EPONINEEEEEE FANTINEEEEE I LOVE YOU     ⁃    valjean pulling off his coat and being in white bcs hes dead now UGH     ⁃    the FRICKING ENSEMBLE AND ENJOLRAS AND GAVROCHE SPLITTING CENTRE AGAIN WITH GRANTAIRE BESIDE GAVROCHE UGH I LOVE THEM - cry #17     ⁃    VALJEAN WALKING BACK AND HUGGING JAVERT UGH TEARS STREAMING - cry #18     ⁃    THE FINAL CHORD - "tomorrOW (pause for five seconds) COOOOOOOOOOOMEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" - cry #19     ⁃    I LOVE YOU ORCHESTRA

conclusion: i dont think i've cried that much in years and i know this is what i want to do with my life also i love you grantaire

thank you for your time i'm gonna go cry now

[toxicanonymity]

i see youve been reposting a lot of ezra content, will we be getting a dark ezra fic soon?? 🫣

850 / dark!Ezra x f!reader / part 1 here. 

Thank you @ezras--moon for the inspiration 💚 WARNINGS: dubcon somnophilia (but they both want it), unsafe P in V, jacking off, manipulative reader, creepy!ezra. LMK if i missed any.

💚💚💚💚💚

There's something different in the way Ezra looks at you over breakfast. There's a sparkle in his eyes.  "How did you find your rest?"

"Not that good."

"Sorry to hear.  But with any luck, we should have a bed soon." You dwell on the singular word choice. He continues, "Now that we’re within walkin' range of the other group, I'll approach today and see if their ship can spare any space." 

You ask, "Can I come?”

“Best if I go alone this time. Have any dreams last night in that pretty head of yours?" 

"No. I don't think so. I barely slept."

"Sounded like you were dreamin'." 

"What did it sound like?" 

"Sounded like you were enjoyin’ yourself." 

You pretend to be flustered. 

"It's okay," he smirks.  "Better than a nightmare, isn't it?" 

-

Later that day, Ezra returns from a trek and tells you, "I found a ship that will take us.”

Your face lights up. “Oh, that’s great.”  

Ezra continues, “One of the crew members fell victim to a damaged air filter today while he was alone" 

Your face falls.  "That's awful," you say.  And a little too convenient. 

"We leave tomorrow." 

-

That night, you do the same thing, pretending to be asleep. You're lying on your stomach in your sleeping bag.   

Ezra is sitting in the camp chair breathing heavily. His soft grunts and skin-on-skin are loud in your ears. You squeeze your thighs together at the sound of his voice.

"Mmm," you sigh. "Take me, Ezra." 

"Ohhh," he sighs. 

"Take me now," you whisper, eyes still shut, breathing regulated. "Mmmm."

"Oh my Lord," Ezra whispers as he strokes himself. 

"Ohh," you sigh. "Take me in my sleep." 

"Oh shit," he breathes. His hand slows. "You mean that?"

"Mmm yeah," you whisper. 

"Oh shit," he exhales. "Ohh, shit," he says shakily.  He pants heavily. 

"Please," you beg with your eyes closed. "Need it," you whisper.

"Ohh, lord," he strokes himself again, panting harder.  

"Need your big cock"

"Ohhh, fuuuck," he exhales.  He stops stroking himself entirely, then approaches your sleeping bag."Oh, fuck," he repeats. "Oh, fuck. . . Can't stop this," he whispers. "Oh, god." 

He carefully unzips the sleeping bag then murmurs, "You want this," as he pulls down your shorts. You stir but don't appear to wake up. He wedges a finger between your legs and feels how wet you are. "Ohh, shit," he laments, unable to stop what he's about to do. He begins to breathe more quickly. His movements become more urgent. 

"Mmm," you say. 

He nudges your legs apart, aligns himself, then whispers in your ear. "You want this bad."

"Mmmm," you sigh in affirmation. 

"As you wish," he whispers.  He notches the head of his cock at your wet, wet entrance. "Ohh, lord." He hesitates for a moment, feeling your body try to suck him in. 

"Yeahh," you sigh sleepily. 

“Ohhhh.” He begins to push his huge tip inside you with a shaky moan. 

You moan in return. "Oh, Ezra." 

"Ohh Lord," his deep voice whines shakily. He pushes further and you moan again at the stretch of his girth. 

"Ohh, yeah," you sigh as he buries more of himself inside you. 

"Ohhhh," he sighs, pausing almost fully inside you as your body adjusts to the intrusion. You're so full of him. "You want this," he reassures himself once again. "You want it bad," he whispers shakily. He retreats an inch or two then shoves all of himself into you, bottoming out with a shudder. "Ahh, fuck." 

"Yeah," you whisper, eyes still closed. "Just like that." He backs up, then smoothly but decisively pushes into you with a grunt. 

"Mmmm," you sigh. 

He buries his length in you again and again, filling you to the brim each time, grunting.   You push your ass back into him, meeting his thrusts with soft grunts of your own.  You clench your thighs and squeeze cunt around his cock and sigh, "ohhh.”

"Yeah, you love this," he whispers. "Yeah, you do."  His breath becomes more ragged and he begins to moan and grunt less restrained, but his voice is still low and breathy.   Your lower belly is a well of tension. If you can feel him come, you’ll come, too. 

"Fill me up," you whisper. It brings him all the way to the brink of his peak, but he won't do it.  If he doesn't come, the only evidence will be your soreness, which you could try to explain away. 

"Ohh," you sigh. "Mmm." 

He pulls out of you and rolls out of your bag, onto his back on the ground. He pants quickly and heavily, then sighs, "Ohhh, god," as he erupts in his hand. He doesn't lie there long. He gets up and rinses his hand with water then dries it off on his own pants. 

-

He sits back in the camp chair, legs spread, chest heaving.  His brow furrows and he covers his mouth as he considers what he just did. He shakes his head and prays for forgiveness as he watches you sleep.  You had a need.  He provided.  He tells himself over and over.  While he’s torturing himself, you squeeze your thighs together and silently finish yourself off.  

Tags: @littlegreendove @sp00kymulderr @bearsbeetsbeskar @ezras--moon @kyloispunk

[her-power]

Last Chance to Dance (Part Four: Rockstar! e.m. x fem reader)

🚨🛑🔞18+++ MINORS DNI - YOU WILL BLOCKED🚨🛑🔞 TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING (For entire series): Rockstar! Addict! Sweet! Mean! Eddie, smut, unprotected p+v, fluff, fingering (f receiving), masturbation, oral (m+f receiving), heavy drug use, descriptions of IV drug use, swearing, talks of anxiety, panic disorder, mental illness, talks of suicide

Eddie Munson Masterlist

Last Chance to Dance Part One Part Two Part Three

Summary: Full Summary on Part One

Word Count: 8.1k

I wake up to the smell of French toast coming from the kitchen; I smile, realizing what day it is. I groan, feeling the muscles in my back stretch and my spine pop. I throw on my jeans and exit the room. I find you in the kitchen, you were dancing to Prince on the radio, in an oversized band tee, not noticing me behind you. I realize the shirt you’re wearing is mine, a shirt that I haven’t seen in almost twenty years. 

“Merry Christmas.” I say and you yelp, awkwardly stumbling back into me as the spatula falls out of your hand. I hold your waist and you're laughing loudly. 

“Jesus Christ. You scared me!” You cup my face and kiss my lips softly. “Merry Christmas.” 

I smile against your lips, gripping your waist. “I was wondering what happened to this shirt.” 

You blush, winking at me. “You left it at my house.” 

“I’m sure I did.” I laugh, gently patting her ass as she goes back to cooking breakfast. I peek out the windows, the snow was pretty melted already. It seemed warmer than usual. I feel my phone ringing in my pocket, and I see that it’s Ted, I smile when I answer. 

“Merry Christmas, Teddy.” I say with a grin.

I hear him giggle. “Merry Christmas, dickhead. How you doing?” 

I glance over at you, and you look up, smiling sweetly at me. “Better than I have been.” 

“Oh yeah? Why is that?” 

“Remember the girl?” I whisper. “The one I told you about.” 

“The girl…the girl. Oh!” He laughs loudly. “Wow, man. That’s amazing. Are things…are things well…?”

“Things are incredible.” I grin and I pull my hair up in a half pony. 

“Good. I love to hear it.” He coughs a little. “Happy seven months by the way.” 

I glance at the date on my phone, he was right. I was seven months clean. I’ve never had that much time under my belt. “Wow. I didn’t even realize…thanks, man.” 

“I’m proud of you, kid.” He says, and I hear him let out another hacking cough. “The boys talked about meeting at the studio, Gareth told me you’ve been writing?” 

“Uhhh. Been preoccupied to finish, but yeah.” I smile. “I haven’t sang anything yet, it’s been a while.” 

“You know whatever you do it’s gonna come out amazing.” He’s coughing again, and I can’t help but feel a little worried. 

“You alright, Teddy?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Wrong pipe is all.” He laughs. “Where you at? East coast or cabin?”

“Boston. I have to go back to the cabin in a few days for my next therapy session.” I had almost forgotten until now, I would’ve been fucked if I missed it. 

“Okay, why don’t we plan to meet at the Boston studio after New Years? Bring your girl.” 

My girl. 

“Okay.” I smile. “What are you doing today?”

“Nellie is coming to town with the grandkids, been some time since I’ve seen them.” I can hear a smile in his voice. “Julie is coming too.” His ex-wife. 

“Ohhhh.” I grin goofily at the phone. “Rekindling things hopefully?” 

He laughs. “We’ll see. Enjoy your day, Eddie. Love you.” 

“Thanks, man. Love you too.” 

I hang up, you ask me who was on the phone, and I tell you it was the man who saved my life. 

We had finished breakfast, had light conversation about the plans for the day. Gareth had video chatted me, and when he saw your face on the screen, I thought he was gonna pass out. You had taken the phone from me, laughing and talking about things from the past. Gareth kept saying “oh my god, oh my god” which was weird because, he was the one who gave you my phone number. I had shrugged it off, he was probably excited that it actually happened, that we were in the same room together after so many years. When she had given the phone back to me, Gareth had smiled large. 

“You look good, dude.” He grins, sipping his coffee. “Email me that song you wrote, I want to add the melody notes.” 

“It’s not finished yet.” I sigh. “I don’t even know if I want to record it, it’s different from our regular stuff.” 

“Nothing wrong with being different, didn’t you tell me that?” He smirks at me, and I roll my eyes. 

“It’s…it’s almost like a ballad. I guess, I don’t know. I started it in rehab and then picked away at it when I hid out in my cabin. There are definitely parts that we can add the heavy stuff to, I don’t know.” I laugh awkwardly. 

“Dude, stop being hard on yourself.” He smiles at me. “I’m sure it’s great. Go enjoy your day with her and I’ll see you soon.” 

“Alright, man.” I smile. “Merry Christmas, idiot.”

He gives me the middle finger. “Merry Christmas, bitch.” 

I hang up, putting my phone on silent and look up at you. You were coming towards me with a wrapped present in your hand.

“What?” I laugh. “No, sweetheart. I didn’t get you anything. Why did you get me something?” 

“Relax. I’ve actually had this forever.” You sit down next to me, curling your legs under you. “I got it for you before…well, before everything.” 

You hand it to me, and I can tell you were telling the truth because the corners on the wrapping paper had wear on them. I stare into your eyes, trying to comprehend. “Come on I’ve waited fifteen years to give this to you.” You laugh and I smile at you, tearing the paper. My eyes immediately fill with tears, remembering. 

It was a music transcript notebook that I had my eyes set on at a record shop back then. It was 200 pages of smooth paper, leather bound; I remember this being expensive. 

“This…you got me this?” I look in your eyes and you nod. “How…what? Why?”

You shrug and give me a sad smile. “Because I loved you.” 

I rub my palm over my trembling lips, running my fingers over the pages. It still looked brand new after all these years. I feel my heart shatter in pieces, I feel every regret and mistake swim through my mind. You take my hand in yours, dipping your head to look in my eyes. “Hey, look at me.” 

I clear my throat, looking at you, feeling hot tears on my cheeks. You cup my cheek, wiping my tears away with your finger. 

“This isn’t me giving you this to remind you of what could have been or to have you beg for my forgiveness. Because I’m not gonna do that. I forgave you a long time ago, that’s why I hung on to this. It reminded me every day of the good. Not the bad. Never the bad. Because you were always good, Eddie.” You curl your fingers through my hair, and I shake my head at you. 

“I was only good because of you.” I whisper, wiping the snot from my nose. 

“That’s not true and you know that.” You say, moving your other hand to the other side of my face. “It just took you a bit to catch up, there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“Look where I ended up.” I cry softly. “Look what I did to myself for all those years, how is any of that good?” 

“Look where you are now.” You say to me, opening the binding of the book to a blank page. You point to it. “Blank page. New chapter, better life.” 

I stare at you in awe, wondering if this was a cruel dream and I was actually held up in that hotel room in Manhattan, overdosing, imagining things like this. I take your face in my hands, kissing you sweetly, you curl your hands through my hair, and I press my forehead against yours. You were real. This was real. 

“Thank you.” I whisper to you. “Thank you for everything.” 

“You’re welcome.” You smile against my lips and pull back, gently running your hand over my cheek. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” I whisper to you, pressing my lips to yours again, cupping the back of your head. I pull you by your thighs onto my lap, gripping your ass and your waist. You lean back, pulling my shirt off of your head and press your lips to mine again. I hold onto your back, clawing at your skin, as I continue to massage my tongue with yours. You grind against me, and I groan into your mouth, instantly getting hard. I kiss your neck, lick down to your breast, and take your nipple in my mouth. You let out a sigh, your back arching and I hold you tighter. You hold onto my shoulders, pulling my face to yours, kissing me deeply. I feel your hands unzip me, and I groan against your skin as you take my cock and bury me inside you. I hold your hips as you rock, the beautiful moans that you breathe out send shivers down my spine. I cup your breasts, rubbing your erect nipples as they bounce in my hand. 

“Unghhhh baby, you feel so good.” You moan loudly and my head falls back against the couch, rocking you faster. “Ahhhh, fuck.” 

“Mmmm.” I moan, pushing myself deeper into you, arching my hips. “You like that baby?” 

“Fuck Eddie.” You gasp out a shaky breath and I smile, hearing you say my name like that awakens a wild animal in me, I just want to feel all of you and more. I meet your lips, wrapping both my arms around your waist and turn you onto your back. I hold your leg over my shoulder, slamming into you, feeling every inch of your wet pussy swallowing my dick whole. “Just like that baby, don’t stop, don’t stop…annnnghhhh!” 

You’re getting so loud, and I feel myself shudder, pornographic sounds and grunts escape my mouth and I feel you clench around me. “F-fuck…ohhh…unghhh…”

“I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come…oh my…oh…unghhhhhhh!” You cry out as your orgasm rocks your entire body, I keep fucking you, and you’re still screaming as your pussy continues to clench my cock. I groan loudly, feeling my eyes roll back and I feel the warmth come out of my cock as I come inside you, I don’t stop thrusting until I’m completely empty. You’re still trembling underneath me, still moaning as the stimulation you feel starts to settle. I swallow a lump in my throat, pressing my lips to yours, thrusting into you once more. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Manhattan. 

The second to last city of the tour. 

I haven’t used heroin in two weeks. Two long, boring, fucked up weeks. 

Everyone keeps saying how proud they are of me and that I’m doing the right thing. But am I? Do they know that behind my stupid smile and my sense of humor is a fucking ticking time bomb ready to go off and take everyone down with them? No? Yeah, probably not. I’m not that easy to read anymore. I’m still a drug addict and I still know how manipulate people into believing my lies. The ache and the urge to use is so hard to resist, I feel like I’m slowly dying. Everything makes me sad, I cry all the time. I feel like a fucking pussy. 

The shows we’ve been putting on have been unreal though. We’ve had to do double shows because the stadiums have been sold out.

I should be grateful; we have great support from our fans. We had a meet and greet and had met a beautiful young woman, who couldn’t have been younger than twenty-one, who was battling terminal cancer, told us that our music keeps her going on the worst days. I hugged her while she cried, held her face and told her that she was strong, that whatever happens she will walk out of here knowing she made a difference in my life. And when she left, I locked myself in the bathroom, weeping because it was too much. It was all too much, feeling her pain, seeing it in her eyes. I made Ted take down her email, her mother’s email. I don’t know why but I needed to know what happened to her. 

We were on stage now, finishing the last song. I wailed on Sweetheart; my hair was sweat soaked and whipping around me as I head banged around the stage while Gareth slammed on the drums. I bring my mouth to the microphone, singing the last verse, and look back at Gareth, he grins, hitting the double bass petal, snare and we fade out. The roar of the crowd vibrates our bodies, thank them for coming to the show. I toss my guitar pick in the audience and blow them air kisses. 

The boys and I went to a local bar to celebrate, naturally, I had gotten extremely drunk. But they didn’t seem to care, I mean, if they did, they didn’t say anything. Being drunk was better than being sober and when I was sober, I kept seeing the girls face with the cancer. I couldn’t even see straight; I was surprised I made it to my hotel room. 

I don’t even think I shut my door, because as soon as I walked in to empty my pockets, I couldn’t believe what I had placed on the table. 

Sitting so perfectly beside my cigarettes, lighter, and loose cash was a little plastic baggy with light brown powder, and two capped needles. I feel a laugh escape my lungs; I don’t believe this is real. When did I buy some? Was it at the bar? Was it outside the bar? I really don’t remember. I held the baggy in my palm, staring at it like it was the missing piece of the puzzle. 

I didn’t even hesitate; it was like riding a bike. I had done the first shot; it had burned like hot embers in my veins. It made me sweat; the summer air didn’t help, but sitting on the floor next to the air conditioner did. The top two buttons of my shirt were undone, I didn’t take the necklace off. Maybe I should’ve. I press the needle into my vein again. Same spot, uh oh. I smile at the burn again; I probably should’ve waited before I did it again. My head feels heavy, but I am so fucking high I don’t even care. 

I look at the syringe, there’s still some in there, I clench my fist, looking for a different vein. It was just enough to…

Suddenly I’m in my back, staring up at the ceiling, everything feels foggy, I can’t move. My heart isn’t beating, or is it? 

“Look at what you’ve become.” I hear your voice and I slowly turn my head; I taste something foul in my mouth, something warm is spilling onto my cheeks. I see your face, kneeling next to me. There is no way you’re real, looking at me this way, your face cold, your eyes blank. “Just a dead man, laying on a cold floor with a needle in your arm.” 

My body reacts, I feel it trembling. I can’t speak, my limbs don’t work. Nothing is working. I feel calm though, isn’t that weird? 

Did the show really go well? Or did I imagine that too? I think I forgot the words to a song…but Gareth had took over. Have I been high this entire time? 

It’s quiet now. The room is still, I think I see Gareth…he’s screaming something at me. But he’s not angry, he looks almost scared, and he’s weeping. I can’t hear him; I can’t hear anything anymore.

“He’s still coding.” 

“Adrenaline.”

“Are you crazy?” 

“Just do it!” 

“Fifth narcan given.” 

“Eddie? Eddie? Can you hear me?” 

“Still no response. Eyes fixed and dilated.” 

“He’s not dying tonight! Do you know who this is?! Do another narcan, I’ll start compressions.”

“Can you step on it, Mike?!” 

“Give me the adrenaline.” 

“You’re crazy if you think it’s gonna work. Fifth narcan given. No response.” 

“Give me the fucking adrenaline!” 

“It’s not gonna work! Doug, don’t!” 

A loud, deep, gasp escapes my lungs, and my vision clears. I’m in the back of an ambulance, my shirt is ripped and there is a needle sticking out of my bare chest. I feel sweaty, I feel clammy, I think I’m still dead. I stare at the wide eyes of the paramedic and try to ignore the vibrations of what I assume is adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream. I pull the needle out of my chest, and I feel immediately trapped. 

“Stop the truck, let me go.” I say, my eyes wide. 

“We’re taking you to the hospital.” The man who I assume is Doug says. “Whatever you took is not fully cleared from your system.” 

“Nope, no hospital, let me the fuck out.” I go to crawl off the gurney and two strong hands push me back on the bed. I start to struggle, and I end up elbowing Doug in the face. He falls back, and the other paramedic tries to restrain me.

“Mike! Stop the truck! Code gray!”  I rip the CB radio off the wall, and I smash it on his head. I was a trapped animal in a cage, and I needed to get out. The ambulance slams to a halt, and I smash my shoulder against the back doors, awkwardly stumbling out and I start running. Well, running as best as I could. We weren’t that far away from the hotel, and I was grateful when the building came into few. It must’ve been late, because when I walk in the lobby the only person there was the receptionist and she looked at me like I was a walking zombie. 

I try to smile and wave to her, and I can only imagine what that looked like to her because she looked even more terrified. I make it back up to my room, everything was thrown everywhere, the bed was a mess, the floor had medical equipment laid out. There was a puddle of whatever liquid had come out of my mouth on the floor by the air conditioner. My phone, Sweetheart, my suitcase and everything else was still where I left it. This was the third time I have ever overdosed in my life, but it was never this bad. I never had to take an ambulance ride. I walk into the bathroom, and I can understand why the receptionist looked terrified. I was very pale, almost ghostly, my eyes had dark circles underneath them. My curly hair was sticking to my skin because of my sweat, there was a black and blue bruise on my chest. I did look like a dead man walking. 

Oh, what do you know, I still have drugs. 

Did I shoot up again after having just overdosed? Yeah. Why? You may wonder. 

Well, it didn’t kill me. 

I’m sitting up on the floor of the hotel room, a stupid smirk on my face because I knew I wasn’t dying again. I know I’m a piece of shit, I know Gareth was the one who found me teetering on life and death. 

I hear three loud rapping knocks on my door. “Fuck off.” I groan out. 

“This is NYPD.” 

“I didn’t die so you can leave now!” I shout at them. 

“Not gonna do that sir. We could do this easy way or hard way, open the door.” 

I feel angry now, I stumble to my feet and whip the door open. 

“Edward Munson?” 

“Depends on who’s asking.” I let out a low chuckle, there was three officers, and they weren’t impressed. 

“Edward Munson, you have a right to remain silent…” one of the officers comes towards me. 

“Fuck right off!” I said, stepping back but he has the upper hand on me. He grabs my forearm and I swing my fist, connecting with the side of his jaw. The two other officers tackle me, and I’m still able to fight them off. I feel a back hand connect with my nose and mouth, tasting blood immediately. I’m finally forced onto my stomach, my hands are behind my back as I’m shouting profanities at them, letting them know my lawyer was one of the best in the country. They pull me to my feet, the officer that I punched looks at me like a disappointed father. 

“It’s a shame. You’re my son’s favorite band.” He wipes the blood from his face. 

“Gonna tell him to stop listening cause you’re dealing with the devil?” I grin at him, knowing very well there is blood staining my teeth. They pull me out of the hotel room, and lead me out to the lobby. There’s already a line of people outside, I see paparazzi. Oh, this is gonna be great. I wonder what the tabloids are gonna say about me now. 

Heavy metal rockstar Eddie Munson arrested in New York City for being on a drug induced psychosis and beating up cops. 

Probably not exactly that, but at least nobody found out I died for five minutes. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We had driven to the studio in downtown Boston. It didn’t feel like winter, it felt like a cool spring day. I had to go back up to upstate New York for my therapy session, she was impressed with what more I had to say. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to get her to not think I was an asshole. I had mentioned you, and the way she looked at me made me think I was telling her a bedtime story. I had spoken to the paramedics that I had hurt the night of my overdose, apologizing for my behavior even though it probably didn’t mean much because I still hurt them, they never wanted to press charges because they’ve dealt with worse people but since the ambulance company was state run, charges had to be filed, as well as the charges for assaulting three police officers. I had to complete a 90 day program, continue my sobriety with a sponsor and have two years of mandatory therapy. 

You were excited to see the studio when we pulled into the lot. We had stayed at my condo, and I was exhausted. I was up all night doing the finishing touches to the song I was writing. I had sent it to Gareth this morning and all he had written back after I sent it was: “Dude. I’m weeping.” 

I’m not sure if that was a good or bad thing, but as soon as we walked into the studio Gareth had tackled me into a bear hug, lifting me off my feet. You had laughed at our exchanged, and he had done the same thing to you. Ted had arrived soon after with coffee and bagels. He had hugged you like he had known you forever, and when he saw me, I honestly could’ve cried. He had met us when we were a struggling newbie band, we were just kids. Straight out of a small town, no dime to our name. We would sleep in his basement, he’d cook us dinner and his wife would do our laundry. He’s why we’re here today, why we can do this job and I hope he knows just how grateful I am for him. 

This was my favorite place to record. It was mostly an office building, but we had owned the studio. No one bothered us, we didn’t bother them. We purposely remodeled it to make it soundproof, there was an engineering table, with two computers, and a sound mixing station. We had three recording booths, three large couches sat up against the wall. Ted sat on one, patting his forehead with a tissue. He was sweaty, seemed a little pale but he had mentioned earlier he felt like he was coming down with something. 

I sit next to him. “How was seeing your family?” 

He smiles at me. “Oh, it was great. The grandkids are getting so big. Julie wants to go for dinner tomorrow night.” 

I smile, nudging him with my shoulder. “That’s good, right?!”

“Yeah, I think so.” He smiles, looking over at you. Gareth was showing you all the different controls on the engineering board, and how the sound works through the speakers. I follow his eyes, and I smile.

“She’s beautiful.” He says with a grin. “Don’t fuck it up again.”

“I don’t plan on it.” I laugh, running hand through my hair. I was getting nervous about the recording, and he could sense that. Gareth was the only one who read it, and now I was going to be singing it in front of everyone. Even you. I didn’t show you what I had written, it feels like a diary entry almost. Gareth had already told me that he knew what music to put in for it, I had made a note towards the end where the heaviness would come in. 

“You’re gonna do great.” Ted says with a smile. “You always do. Remember, kid. Blank page, clean slate.” He goes to stand up from the couch and I poke his ass with the tip of my shoe.

“Thank you.” I tell him, quietly. “For never giving up on me.” 

He rolls his eyes, and winks, I laugh. “Save the theatrics for later, you got work to do.” He claps me on the shoulder, and I let out a loud sigh. I walk towards the recording booth, the song in my hands. Gareth gently massages my shoulders, following me into the booth.

“You got this, man.” He tells me. “Deep breaths, sing your heart out, block everyone out, and just feel it.” 

I nod at him, shaking the nerves out of my hands as I close the door to the booth. I lay the paper on the stand and place the headphones over my ears. I hear Jeff’s voice over the speakers in my ears. 

“Ready?” 

“No.” I laugh and give him a thumbs up through the window. 

I already had the melody in my head, it was just Gareth’s job to mimic it, and Jeff would add the background after. I glance at the song, meet your eyes, and I smile. 

I begin.

“It’s cold in here, my hands shake, my bones ache. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. All the mistakes, they’re catching up, maybe I should’ve just been left for dead. My mind is broken; the walls I made are crumbling around me. It’s so easy to just be, but the ache is there, it calls to me, I just want it inside of me.  Down the rabbit hole I go, can’t find my way, can’t find my way, can’t find my way back home. It’s so easy just to be, but it calls to me, calls to me. Down the rabbit hole I go, how are they supposed to find me? Will I be bone, will I be ash, will I be lost for good?  I don’t regret it, it’s why I’m here, my heart bleeds in my chest. One last shot, that’s all I want, and then maybe they will heal. It’s all I dream, the clouds around me, smiling as I go. But you came back, screaming my name, and it all fades to black. Down the rabbit hole I go, can’t find my way, can’t find my way, can’t find my way back home. It’s so easy just to be, but it calls to me, calls to me. An angel with wings, that’s what I thought, but it was a devil in disguise. I can’t go back, I have to repent, my sins are killing me. My sins are killing me!” I extend the note at the end, and I hear Gareth on the drums. I keep my eyes closed, nodding my head to his beat. I wait for three beats, one, two three…and I’m yelling out the song, feeling my stomach muscles clench as my voice comes out, sounding broken, and angry.

“Cold floors, cold walls, I can’t feel anything at all, just these thoughts that haunt my mind, driving me fucking insane, one last shot that’s all I want, I don’t want to feel this. But somehow, I’m still alive, and there’s nothing left to see. Down the rabbit hole I go, can’t find my way, can’t find my way, can’t find my way back home. Down the rabbit hole I go, can’t find my way, can’t find my way, can’t find my way back home.”  I add the second to last verse again, followed by the chorus, and I yell, my voice fading, and I glance over at my bandmates. In the speakers of my ears, I hear Jeff, “Fuck YEAH, man!” 

I laugh, taking the headphones off my ears. You had tears in your eyes as you’re clapping, and I come out of the booth. Gareth is already whooping as he comes out of the booth, his drumsticks in his hand. 

“Play it back.” I tell them. I look over at Ted, who’s smiling with tears in his eyes. I squeeze his shoulder and he places his hand over mine. We listen to it back, and I’m amazed at how it sounds. We begin to brainstorm on what melody should go where, where to add the guitar. How heavy it should sound at the end. We spent about three hours in the studio, recording the music, adding more riffs, adding piano to it. Once it was completed to our liking, we listened. We haven’t had a melodic song like this since our first album, and I couldn’t believe that was my voice. 

“I say we go celebrate by getting some Italian.” Ted says with a grin.  

“You buying?” I grin, pulling you towards me by your waist. 

“Ha, you’re funny. Let me piss first.” He goes into the bathroom, and I lean my head against your shoulder. 

“That song was amazing.” You tell me, gently rubbing my chin. “I forgot you could sing like that.” 

“Wasn’t that great.” I say, giving you a goofy smile and you nudge me with your shoulder. 

“It was perfect.” You kiss my lips gently and I grin. 

“Ugh, don’t miss that.” Gareth laughs and pokes my stomach. “I’m starving, where’s Teddy?” 

“Bathroom.” 

I watch as Gareth walk into the bathroom and the door closes behind him. “Teddy! Are you taking a shit? Did you fall in?” 

We both giggle. I turn to you, but your eyes are somewhere else. Gareth has come out of the bathroom, his face ashen, his body trembling. “Call 911.” He says loudly. Jeff whips up his head, and the engineer is immediately on the phone. 

“What?” My heart is in my throat. 

I watch as you run into the bathroom, I go to follow you, but Gareth stops me, his hand on my chest, tears are streaming down his face. “Don’t go in there, Eddie.” 

I push his hand off me, ignoring his words and I jog to the bathroom. “Eddie! Eddie!” 

I skid to a halt, watching as you’re giving chest compressions to Ted. Gareth slams his chest into me but has remained frozen as he stares at what you’re doing.  

He’s not moving, his eyes are partially closed, and I see a little blood in the corner of his mouth. “Ted?” I almost yell. 

You look up at me, your expression in full nurse mode as you continue your compressions, feeling his pulse. “Eddie, stay outside, please.” 

I don’t hear you; I slide to the floor and move next to Ted. Trying to see, trying to understand. “Wake up, man.” I say, my heart beating fast. I hear blood rushing in my ears. I couldn’t see his chest rise and fall; just the force of your compressions trying to pump air in his lungs. 

“Eddie, come on.” Gareth sputters out, his hand on my shoulder. I slap him away, there was a cold chill going down my spine. 

“Teddy, wake up.” I’m getting angry now, I feel my throat lock up, and tears sting behind my eyes. He was fucking with us, he had to be. I place my hand on his, he was still warm, but I got no reaction. “Wake the fuck up, man!” 

I watch as you sit back on your heels, your eyes meet Gareth’s and I see you shake your head, you look at me now. “Eddie…”

“No.” I say through my teeth, I hold his face in my hands. “Teddy. Teddy. Wake up. Stop fucking with us man, stop this.” He’s not even looking at me, his chest isn’t moving. I feel myself trembling. I shake his head. “Teddy, wake up!” I feel your hand on my forearm, Gareth’s hand fisting my shirt from behind. I can hear the sound of a two-way radio outside the door. An angry, loud, groan escapes me and I’m sobbing. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t fucking do this to me, man. Please wake up. You’re supposed to go to dinner with Julie tomorrow. You don’t have to worry about me anymore, I’m better now. I promise, just wake up. Please Teddy. Please.” 

The paramedics are in the bathroom now, and I can feel Gareth pulling me back. A loud, guttural, groan escapes my lungs as Gareth has to practically drag me from the bathroom. “Teddy!” I scream, thrashing against Gareth’s grasp. The struggle causes both of us to fall on our asses to the floor, and he’s almost restraining me. You’re in front of me now, holding my face in your hands as angry sobs and groans scream out of me. 

“I need you to breathe for me.” You say calmly. “You’re gonna hyperventilate, Eddie. Breathe.” 

“I don’t care!” I moan out, my teeth grinding. My ears still ringing, this wasn’t happening. This wasn’t fucking happening. He was the closest thing I’ve had to a father and there was no way he was gone. 

“Eddie, baby, please…”

I struggle in Gareth’s grasp, my body still shaking with sobs as I see them wheel Ted out from the bathroom. A mask over his face, the paramedic on top of him doing compressions. They disappear, telling us what hospital and nothing is making sense. Nothing. None of it. 

I felt like I was in a fever dream as I pace in the hospital waiting room. I was talking to myself, reassuring myself that he was okay, that he was alive and would be cracking jokes in his hospital bed. I wouldn’t talk to anyone, even you. I had tried calling Julie, but her phone had immediately gone to voice mail. Gareth was still pale, sipping out of the same coffee cup he has been for the last half hour. 

The doctor had come, and before he could even say the words, I’m walking away from him. I’m holding my stomach; afraid my insides are gonna fall out and a jagged breath escapes me. A sound I never knew I could make before comes rattling out of me, it hurt so much. A massive heart attack killed him. 

“We did everything we could. I’m so sorry. If it gives you any sort of comfort, he didn’t feel much. If anything it just felt like a tickle.” I whip my head around to look at him, I know my eyes are wide and look feral. 

“Do you actually know that though? You don’t know what or how he felt, so don’t even fucking claim that you do.” My voice is breaking, and you pull me away from the doctor, leading me to sit. “I don’t want to sit!” I shout, but your palm is on my chest, gently pushing me down. I hear Gareth say a few more words to the doctor and he walks away. He is handing me a plastic bag, it had Ted’s key, his wallet, his phone, his fucking wedding ring. 

“They need Julie to release his body to the funeral home, have you gotten ahold of her?” His voice sounds far away, he’s still crying, and I can’t look at him, I just shake my head. My hands are trembling as I’m gazing at the plastic bag, I shake my head, rubbing the snot from my nose. Ted’s phone vibrates in the bag, and I see Julie’s name light up. I stare at her name, and I pull the phone out. I stand up from the seat, clearing my throat as I slide to answer. 

“Julie?” I hold my stomach, a small sob escaping me. 

"Hello? Eddie?” She already sounds panicked. “I have no reception where I am, what are you doing answering Teddy’s phone?”

“Um.” I let out a small groan. “We’re in Boston, at a hospital. Ted, he…he uh…” I can’t say it, I can’t fucking say it.

“Eddie…what is going on?” I hear her voice shake.

I squeeze my eyes shut, my wrist falling away with the phone before I put it to my ear again. “Ted’s gone…he…he died.” 

“No, he didn’t.” She inhales a gasp. “Eddie, don’t lie to me, no he didn’t!”

I’m weeping. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” 

“No Eddie!” She’s screaming, a loud, heartbreaking scream. “I talked to him earlier, he was fine! He was fine! Oh jesus…”

“I know, I know. We were at the studio…and…and then he was in the bathroom. He didn’t hear me; I was trying to wake him up. Julie, I tried, I tried to wake him up, I’m so sorry.” My knees are buckling as I’m sliding to the floor, my body aching, my throat feeling like it was closing up. 

“Eddie, Eddie, you listen to me right now. Don’t fall back on what you’ve come so far to accomplish. He was proud of you. Despite everything, he loved you, Eddie. You were like a son to him, don’t fall apart now. You hear me?” I nod into the phone; I can’t see straight. I don’t even remember her asking me what hospital, or when she said she would be there. I was still crumpled on the floor, you were at my side, rubbing my head, and I was scrolling through the photos on his phone. There was so many of his grandkids, his kids. There was a bunch of us performing, a bunch of random selfies because I’m sure he forgot how to flip the camera. I scroll through his contacts, trying to remember if there was anyone else, I needed to call. I stop when I see your name.

What?

You’re not looking at me, you’re talking to Gareth about something I’m not bothering to listen to. I click your contact name and see a thread of text messages between you and Ted. It goes back seven months ago. 

What the fuck?

Before I could even make a comment on what I have seen, the doctor comes back, asking if we’d like to see him. I place the phone in my pocket, I would deal with this later. I didn’t even know how to react towards you, why were you talking to him seven months ago if you just met him today? I get up from the floor, and I realize I’m ignoring you. I turn to kiss your lips quickly, Gareth, Jeff and I follow the doctor to a hospital room. I watch as you sit down, waving at me defeatedly, looking tired, sad. I could feel my heart breaking and I didn’t even know why.

They tell us as soon as we’re outside the room that we would have to go in one at a time. Jeff goes in first; I’ve never seen him cry before, and when he came out, he looked like he was about to pass out. I fist his shirt to get him to stand upright, and I hug him to me. Gareth goes in next, he’s in there for a few minutes until he comes out, wiping his eyes, looking at me like I could shatter at any moment. 

I pat his back, reassuring him that I was okay. But I’m not sure if I was.  I step into the room; the lights were bright. Ted was laying on his back, a white sheet was up to his chest. My stomach clenches again and I have to support myself on the bed rail before I sit down. 

I take his hand; it was so cold. I had to warm him up. He shouldn’t be cold. Tears fall down my cheeks as I stare at his face. I’m not sure if he looked peaceful, or if he looked dead. 

“I still think you’re fucking with me.” I tell him quietly. “After all those times you brought me back, I would think this was some sort of punishment.” My lips tremble and I feel hot tears pool down my cheeks. “Fuck you, man. Why’d you have to go and die on me? After everything – after so many years of you practically raising us to be better men, better friends, a better brotherhood. What are we supposed to do now? What are we supposed to do without you?” 

A sob escapes me, a small whimper, my head falls to his bed and I’m laying my forehead against his hand, holding it tight, my chest hurting, my stomach in knots. I feel strong arms on my shoulders, pulling me up. 

“Come on, dude.” It’s Gareth, my head falls to his chest, I felt weak, he helps me out of the chair. I feel like I’m being weighed down by cement as I stare at his body. 

“No…” I groan out loud, I sound like a kid. A kid who just said goodbye to the only person he’d ever known as a father. “I can’t leave him.” 

“It’s okay, dude. I’m here.” Gareth continued to lead me away, my head falls in my hands and I’m groaning again. It hurts, it all hurts too fucking much. 

We waited until Julie got to the hospital a few hours later, I could barely stand up when I saw her. She was cradling me like a small child, rubbing my head, telling me everything was gonna be okay. I didn’t want her to comfort me, I told her. After everything I put him through, she should hate me. She told me that she could never hate me, that I meant so much to her and Ted, that we all did. That she prayed everyday my heart still beat, and that I’d fight the addiction I so desperately craved right now. 

Once Ted was set to go to the funeral home in his hometown in Vermont, you had driven my car back to my condo. You were leaving tomorrow, going back to Maine, to go back to work. We don’t speak when we take the elevator up to my place. I’m on my phone looking at news articles, there was no way the media didn’t get wind of this. 

And I was right, the first article on Google says: Longtime friend and manager of Corroded Coffin, Theodore “Teddy” Callahan has died of a heart attack, at 58. I toss my phone roughly on the couch, you jump a little and I mutter that I was sorry. You sit next to me, wrapping your arms around my shoulders, you lay your cheek on my arm. 

“What can I do?” You ask me sweetly. 

I don’t answer you; I’m staring off, I can’t see straight. Tears still continue to pour down my cheeks. My entire body feels stiff. I had to know, I had to know why she was in Ted’s phone. Why it seems they have been talking longer than they let on. 

“How long have you been talking to Ted?” I feel you freeze next to me. 

“What? I just met him today.” 

I meet your eyes, I’m not in the mood for games. “You may have met him today, but you’ve been talking to him for seven fuckingmonths.” 

You pull away from me, rubbing your eyes. “Eddie, I can explain that.” 

“So, explain.” I feel my chest heaving. There are so many emotions: grief, anger, sadness, the urge to stick a needle in my veins. 

You just stare at me; I can tell you’re trying to figure out what to say. Realization settles in my gut and I stand up from the couch. “That letter was a crock of shit, wasn’t it?” 

“No, no Eddie! I meant every word.” Your eyes are filling with tears. 

“You LIED to me!” I yell at you. “You said Gareth gave you my number. Gareth didn’t even fuck know you were around until the other day! When did Ted reach out to you? Because I know you didn’t.” 

“After your overdose, after everything with the courts.” You sigh, standing and walking toin were me, I step back from you. “Eddie, I wasn’t gonna send you a letter at first. I couldn’t do it. It was like someone brought you back from the dead even though you were alive.” 

“So, you knew everything about me, about my struggles, about ALL of it and just pretended to care? Pretended this whole time?” I’m staring at you with wide eyes. 

“I’m not pretending Eddie! He reached out to me because he was scared, he didn’t know what else to do. He said you kept talking about me, how sad you seemed and he thought maybe, maybe I’d be able to help. I was fully ready to just see you, rekindle our friendship but I never thought we’d end up here. When I saw you, it all came rushing back and I couldn’t control it. I love you, I have always loved you.” 

“That don’t mean shit if you came to see me out of pity.” I feel tears sting my eyes again; I just want to rip my fucking eyeballs out. 

“I didn’t! I came here because I was worried.” 

“Your aunt just happened to be away that entire week?” 

You stare at me. 

“Answer me!” I yell, my voice breaking. 

“My aunt has been dead for five years. When I travel I use her place because she left it to me.” You sound so small and I just laugh at you. 

“That’s fucked up. Even for you.” I clench my fists, pressing them to my eyes and you let out a sob. “These last three weeks, you’ve been making love to me, cooking for me, bringing me gifts from the past, telling me that you love me, when this entire time you had no intention in ever speaking to me again if it wasn’t for Ted?” 

“Eddie, I thought about you every day!” 

“Stop the bull shit! Stop it!” I clench my stomach, the same familiar ache forming. “I don’t believe you. Every time you speak, I hear a lie, even if you are telling me the truth. Is this punishment? For breaking your heart? Well, you win, sweetheart! Cause mine is a pile of fucking dust!” 

“Eddie, please.” You’re sputtering. “Let’s talk about this.” 

“No.” I shake my head at you, tears falling. “I don’t want to talk anymore. I want you to get out.” 

“What?” 

“Get the fuck out of my house.” 

You stare at me with wide eyes, pure heartbreak and disappointment on your face. I have to look away from you, I can’t look at you. Because if I look at you this way, I’ll want to take you in my arms, kiss your tears away and pretended like this never happened, but I can’t do it. I can’t. You don’t say anything to me as you take your purse off the couch, you look back at me once and I meet your eyes. I watch as you walk away from me, down the hall until you get to the elevators. A shaky sob escapes me, and I sit on my floor, I hold my head in my hands. Before, I was the one who walked away from you, because I couldn’t handle how to be loved by you. Now, I’m sending you away, because I can’t stomach the thought of you actually still loving me, after everything, after all the pain, the things I’ve done. Maybe you really don’t, and this whole thing was just a game. 

How could you love someone like me? I’m broken, I’m damaged. 

I’m still a fucking monster. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ A/N: Thank you guys! Don't worry, it's not over! Taglist: @kellsck @bellalillyrose @iggyizalien @trixyvixx @originalstar1 @themorticians-world

[melissa-titanium]

What if I told u I love ur oil stained teeth hc *bats eyelashes*

HEY???????????????? I FUCKING HOPE YOUE XPLODE OHMY GOD HELLO. HELLO .HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. THANK YOU SOFUCKING MUCH SG98HA98GAHEROUHFEIURGJ I M OS. IM LITERALLY HONORED IM SO FUCKING GLAD IT RESONATED WITH YOU I LITERALLY LOVE WEIRD DD FANGS. THE IDEA THAT THEYRE ALL A LITTLE DIFFERENT IS SOOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD ESP J'S WEIRD MANDIBLES funnily enough i actually drew up a concept 4 smt similar a while back i dont beleive ive eever posted it.

ignore how shit this is. it's old and i was still trying 2 figure out how to draw them.

but OH MY GOD OHHHH MY GODDDD I FUCKING LOVE THIS SO MUCH. IM OBSESSED IWTH LIKE. N'S TEETH MOVING INDIVIDUALLY WHILE V'S ARE BUILT FOR JUST ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANNIHILATING HER KILLS oh this rules. im crazy. im crazyyyyyyyyyyyy IM CRAZYYYYYYYYY

[lookismaddict]

Lookism Chapter 442 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made. The sole purpose of this is to provide summaries/reviews for each chapter so if you don’t want to see the rest of it, then just keep scrolling. It’s your choice.)

Time to cry all of our hearts out. 😫

Nuuuuuuuuuu poor babies 😭

OMGGGGG THE FIRST GEN. KINGS ARE HERE!!!!! AHHHHHHHH BRO I GOT MAD GOOSEBUMPS 😩

Ugh, this is making me feel touched and all. Everyone gathered in one place because they really respected him. Bruh, Imma cry again 😭😭😭 I hope Taesoo Ma, Gongseop Ji, and the rest of the First Generation would somehow investigate his death and avenge Jichang. 🙏🏽

YEEEEESSSSS DANIEL HAS ANOTHER ALLY!!!!! YESSSSS LET'S BUILD THIS CHARLES CHOI HATECLUB!!! 🔥

OHHHHHH. MYYYYYYY. GOOOOOOOD. JAKE IS SO FREAKING CUUUUUUUUUUUTE AS A LITTLE KID!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD, I JUST WANNA HUG HIM AND CRADLE HIM IN MY ARMSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! 😩😩😩❤️❤️❤️❤️

HE REALLY IS CUTE THO WHEN HE WAS LITTLE. WHO WOULDN'T WANNA JUST GRAB HIS CHEEKS, PINCH THEM, GIVE HIM A PIGGYBACK RIDE, AND HUG HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM????? 🥺🥺💞💞💞💞

Ohhhh shiiiii, Jake gonna meet with Daniel there and THEY'RE GOING TO TEAM UP AND FIND JINYOUNG PARK AND TAKE DOWN THE FIRST AFFILIATE LIKE THE ACTUAL BOSSES THAT THEY ARE. 😎

Ohhhhh my- LINEMAN ABOUT TO GET AN UPGRADE!!!! IS THIS GOING TO BE HIS TRAINING ARC??? 👀

AYYYYYYYYYYYYY LETS GOOOOOOOOOO!!!! TIME TO TRAIN LINEMAN!!! BULK UP AND SHAPE UP BRO 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

Oh shit... 5th Affiliate. 💀 Did I mention that I don't like this phase of Eli? I mean, sure. You're doing this all for your family in Hostel, but there's another way to settle this and provide for them, no? I mean, you got friends bro. You don't have to shoulder the burden on your own. Learn how to depend and rely on those who you hold dear too.

King, it's ok. Just undrown yourself and stop siding with Workers.. 😀

I stg, this twink of a crew leader is afraid of Daniel Park. Little did he know, Daniel and James Lee are actually a team lol. I swear, it's like Eugene blames Daniel for everything now that Daniel tried to interfere with his plans. Mf would now blame him for everything and anything that doesn't work out.

Mandeok: *suddenly walks into Eugene's office* Eugene, the coffee maker isn't working anymo-

Eugene: IT'S HIS FAULT! IT'S ALL DANIEL PARK'S FAULT!!! HE ERADICATED SOME OF MY AFFILIATES, AND NOW HE'S AFTER MY COFFEE MACHINE?! Yuseong: *starts to rock back and forth in his chair, cradling himself while afraid of his brother's psycho outburst*

Come on stink, get it together. You're going coo coo now. I don't know why I thought of Eugene in this scenario. It was funny in my head.

Oh great. NOW, THEY'RE THERE. 🙄

WHO'S GOING 100 MPH ON THE MAIN STREET BRUH??? Also, who tf are YOU mf? 🤨

Also, omg. PTJ, do you always ctrl + c and ctrl + v on your characters' hairstyles or something? Because Warren doesn't look like Zack anymore, but now he looks like-

Like ok, I get it. You're addicted to the copy + paste hairstyles, but I don't wanna have to do this, but... Imma hand over the scissors to Eli and have him end the ctrl + c, ctrl + v era. 😭 Bc, wth is this shit? But they look good tho, ngl.

OHHH NAH NAH NAH NAHHHHHHHH. SOMEONE TAKE HIM BACK, FR. GOO, COME GET YOUR BRO LMAAAAOOOOOO. But oml. EVERYONE'S GOING TO BE AT THE FIRST AFFILIATE, I STG. THEY ALL GOING TO HAVE AN EPIC BATTLE LIKE SMASH BROS. OR SOMETHING, AND THEY'LL GO AT IT, IN ON FINAL BRAWL. And fr Warren, wth have they been feeding Logan for him to get THAT BIG? STEROIDS???

If he took, "I need a big boy" to heart, then I don't want it. 💀💀💀

Nah, it must be all that coke protein powder. Goo gave him a whole bucket of protein powder and Logan would be sniffing and eating it all.

Well, obviously "No." Logan. Also, HOT DOC IS BACK!!! Ofc he is. He's the main star of the First Affiliate.

THERE HE ISSSSSSS, THE MAIN MAN OF THE HOUR!!! 😩 LOOK AT HIM BEING ALL TOUCHY WITH ELI!!! Tbh I didn't know how to feel ab that. "Put these away, motherfucker." YTFJTYFGUYKGFJYGUHKIFUDFKILLUGYKF I'M LMFAOOOOOOOOOO ELI REALLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE. HE'S SO DONE.

What did he mean by "I'm not sure though?" 😀 Also, the way Logan said, "How cute is this bastard... Should I give you a kiss?" and Warren replying with, "I'm taken, so no thanks." MAN, WHAT IF YOU WEREN'T TAKEN? THEN WHAT? 🤨 ALSO, THE WAY HE SAID HE'S "taken" NOW BC HE HAS SALLYAHSIDFHSDFIUSHDFIUW. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT GOT ME SCREAMING.

AWWWWWW MAAAAAAAAN, I wOnDeR wHo CoUlD tHaT bE ??? Definitely, not Daniel Park.

OH MY GOD. ARE WE FR GETTING A LOGAN LEE VS. DANIEL PARK SHOWDOWN NEXT CHAPTER???? AYOOOOO??? HE'S GOING TO SEE DANIEL'S CURRENT FORM????????? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SQUEALINGGGG!!! 😆😆😆😆

"Will Logan Lee face off with Daniel Park soon? Will they ever find Jinyoung Park now? Who will be the next to arrive at the First Affiliate??? Tune in, next time ONNNN-"

Yeah man, F this.

[claudethecrabdemoness]

Ok so I think I found a way to fix Vox LOLLOLOL. 

And by fix him, I mean make him much, much worse.

🔌 📺😝🎩⚡️

So I was drabbling in my head w Claude and Vox and they got to deep talking about their previous lives and regrets and all sorts of existential meanderings, when Vox surprised me by saying “I was a Christian, ya know. A good one. Never even missed a Sunday- come late night or hangover or hellwater. *chuckle* Fat lot of good it did me, right?”

And then I was like oh. OHHHH. 

He should’ve been a televangelist. 

So now this is canon as far as I’m concerned, and can even make perfect use of the little priest getup from his song number. After all, that is essentially what he’s doing with the V’s: amassing a hell-wide cult through the power of his broadcast monopoly. And explains why Claude had never heard of him before- he’s not your average kind of celebrity. 

I picture he got his start on local access TV, in the early 40s, just right after Al would’ve had his heyday with radio. He was an East Coast boy, no doubt, and mastered the quick-talking pander of the telecasters at the time. He often ran small broadcasts for local churches- fundraisers, telethons, what have you- and the Christian community ate up his All-American boyish charm. Especially the ladies. He married one who went to his church and really believed his words had the power to change lives, urged him to start his own televised worship, and boy did he thrive. They quickly became a household name, and he basically kick-started the whole televangelist movement into high gear. Like the bastard he is. Soon he gained a country-wide following and had money pouring in from the faithful by the buckets, and of course it all went straight to his head. Hence why it’s a TV now as punishment. That’s when he began exploiting his pulpit, believing himself a prophet, staying with his wife only to maintain their image, buying houses and toys and cars all with parishioner’s money, staying awake for days on cocaine and coming back down with barbiturates, the whole nine yards. 

It eventually caught up to him when his followers tried to commit a mass murder/suicide in his name, and a lengthy court appeal didn’t really smooth over their new reputation as a dangerous cult. Which is so unfair. It wasn’t like he told them to go all Old Testament, buuut… it’s not like his message was that far off from it either. Idiots. From then on, he started overworking, overthinking, and overdoing the whole thing right into the ground. His wife left him, he lost a ton of money in legal fees, and he had to hire protection now to keep up with the death threats from angry loved ones of his devotees. All the stress and resentment drove him into religious fanaticism, and his sermons just got more and more ego-driven and manic, asking for larger tithes and claiming it would be help him work the Lord’s magic even faster. He eventually was killed by a hit put out on him by an up and coming newer cult- ironically a spinoff of his original one- proving that he was very much mortal, but his faithful followers still believed he was a messiah of some kind. 

And that’s because- in his haze of drugs and self-destruction- he believed he was one too. He was sure that what he was doing was for all the Right Reasons, even if the methods were unorthodox. But hey- even Jesus flipped tables and rebelled against the Romans, so who’s to say his path is any less holy? He was SURE that he’d still be getting a ticket to Heaven, despite some minor setbacks…

So you can imagine his rage when he very much woke up in Hell. 

All his hard work, all his devotion, all his MONEY- for what?? Damned to live with a TV instead of his beautiful face and nothing to show for his decades of faith??

What the fUCK??

It was then that he realized God was the biggest scam of all and immediately renounced his faith, spending the first few years of demonhood sinning and drinking as much as possible. He had no idea how to cope with it all, and saw no point to trying, really. What good is having a TV head when you can barely stand the thought of using it- just a constant reminder of the empire you left crumbing behind you. 

And that’s when he met Alastor. 

Now here was someone else cursed by his favorite medium and a deer form that boasted anything but the predator he saw himself as- only this man was anything but deterred by it. The Radio Demon’s broadcasts may have terrorized everyone else in Hell, but they invigorated something deep inside Vox. Something he hasn’t felt since his first televised sermon… something like worship. 

He had to seek him out. 

This then ties in perfectly with his one-sided crush/obsession with Al, their doomed stint at friendship, and the impending rejection he receives at the end. AGAIN. First God, now Alastor…? You’d think that second blow would reduce him into an even greater depression than before, but instead, it flips a switch inside him. That’s when Vox decides ENOUGH. He’s done pandering, he’s done negotiating, he’s done elevating anyone else above himself. And why should he?? If anything HE should be the one on that pedestal, HE should be the only one to get credit for all HIS deeds…

HE should be God. 

And dammit, if he can’t join the original up in Heaven, why not try to become one down in Hell?

The rest is canon as we know it, but I just really realllllly love the idea of ex-Christian Vox, and all the disillusionment religious trauma can bring. He went straight from communion to capitalism, and I like that in my hell-bound guys. I will def be using this as his canon backstory for my AU with Claude, bc I needed to bring even more conflicted suffering and RSD to this character before I can truly ship them together hahaa. 

And…. despite what his real backstory actually is…. this is the only one I subscribe to now. 😈

ALSO:

TELL ME THIS ISN’T HIM!!??!??? HELP. CREEPY HANDSOME IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO FOR THIS CURSED TV MAN I HAVE DECLARED IT SO PLS ADJUST YOUR FANART ACCORDINGLY. 

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk I’m going to go rot in my hole now thinking of more hcs for this akskshagaga-

[luciluck2046-md]

Murder Drones: Glowing Future AU

5. MF get some therapy wtf

TW: Mentions of Suicide. Reader Discretion is advised

[...]

"And here's m-my bedroom. J and V still have to take their things, but th-the ceiling is all fr-free now-" I mumble, annoyed by the fact that I have to show HER the house.

|

"The fuck you mean ceiling?" Tessa asks me.

|

"I haven't sl-slept well so DO-DON'T ASK ME SHIT." I groan. This is only kinda true, I mean I did have the shittiest sleep of my life but I also don't want her in my house. Also N is still helping the girls with moving in at Lizzy's, so right now I'm alone. "Anyway if you nee-ed to sle-sleep, I'll give you a sleeping bag or someth-ething." I add, yawning.

|

"OHHHH DID YOU DESIGN THE DRESSER??" She asks me, admiring my closet.

|

"No..? Dad built ha-half of the things in this house and most of th-them suck. Except thi-things with fucking doors..." I mumble, sitting on my chair to finally move in the important data back to my pc from before the reboot I made two days ago.

|

"And interesting choice of... Liking." She says confused. "OHHH whatcha doing???" She asks me, looking at me loading different data.

|

"Unfucking the shit I fuc-fucked up." I roll over my eyes, while inserting the next USB stik.

|

"Думаю, стоит сказать, что я очень горжусь своей работой здесь. / 𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑 𝚜𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙸'𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎." Doll tells me. I groan.

|

"Tessa, do NOT op-open my closet." I say tired after I hear her slightly touch the doors. I didn't even turn to see her. I hear the door squeak as it opens slowly. "TESSA I FU-FUCKING WARNED YOU!" I yell, throwing a pen at her as I spin in my chair. She catches it right before it hits her screen-

|

"Come on, can't I explore a little?" I shake my head. I would literally kill her if N wasn't so attached to her. But if she does anything suspicious she's dead.

|

"I kno-know exactly where you are in my room de-despite not seeing you, so BEHAVE fo-for fuck's sake..." I mumble, turning back at my laptop. I know every single squeak my floor makes, so it's easy to detect her.

|

"Hiiiiii Uuuziii, hiiiiii Teeeeess!" N knocks on my door, opening it with a wide smile. I chuckle. He's so cute when he smiles...

|

"N, can you do anything about the fact that Uzi doesn't let me rummage through her closet?" Tessa asks just like a sibling would do.

|

"Even I can't go trough it, so I am sure I can't." He says confused. "What do you like at her closet so much?" He asks. I think about it.

|

"Yeah... Why ar-are you so interested in my dresse-ser?" I ask her.

|

"That thing seems filled with drawings and I NEED to know how they look." She responds amused. I'm pretty sure that's not the reason she wants to see my closet, but N is satisfied with her answer.

|

"Well Uzi puts my drawings in there... Actually can I show her my drawings!?" N asks me excited.

|

"Oh, yeah, just let me get them." I respond, smiling. I get up from my chair and open the closet to get N's drawings.

|

"Hey what are those about?" He asks me, pointing to some drawings on the top shelf.

... OH ROBO-GOD, OH SHIT, OH FUCKING SHIT. HE DOES NOT NEED TO SEE THOSE.

"UHHHHH SO-SOME OF MY RAMBLINGS!?!?" I try to find an excuse, picking the sheets and starting to crumple them up.

|

"Ohh, let me see!" Tessa says, pulling a drawing from my hands.

I try to get it back but there's no use. I cover my face embarrassed and get prepared to hear her shit.

"... GOD WTF, HOW OLD ARE YOU!?!?" She yells at me.

|

"Huh, what are those-" N asks, trying to see what Tessa's holding, but she hides it from him.

|

"NO!" We both yell, I embarrassed and Tess frightened. "Can you go outside for a second? I need to DISCUSS with this girl for a bit." She asks, making sweet eyes but with a very sarcastic voice. He goes out the door after saying "Alright" and I get prepared for the questions.

"I'm 18 so sh-shut up..." I mumble, answering her previous question.

|

"I am pretty sure those things were on that shelf for over 4 years, WHY WOULD YOU DRAW THAT!?!?" She yells at me.

|

"RO-ROBO-GOD, CAN'T A KID HAVE CRU-CRUSHES FOR FUCK'S SAKE?" I yell back at her. She slaps her face.

|

"... You drew some unorthodox shit. Some would even say catholic. WHO'S THAT GIRL!?" Tess yells again.

|

"I have the ri-right to remain sile-lent." I mumble embarrassed. I know who that girl is. And I'm trapped with her as a virus right now.

"ХАХАХАХАХА Я ТЕБЕ ДЕЙСТВИТЕЛЬНО ПОНРАВИЛСЯ? Я УЧИЛ, ЧТО ЭТО ШУТКА, ЭТО ТАК ХОРОШО!!! / 𝙷𝙰𝙷𝙰𝙷𝙰𝙷𝙰𝙷𝙰 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙰𝙲𝚃𝚄𝙰𝙻𝙻𝚈 𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴𝙳 𝙼𝙴? 𝙸 𝚃𝙰𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙰 𝙹𝙾𝙺𝙴, 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃'𝚂 𝚂𝙾 𝙻𝙰𝙼𝙴!!!" Doll laughs in my head.

|

"Doll Please, Laugh Quieter." Cyn says from my tail. I groan LOUDLY.

|

"... Lesbian." Is all that Tessa tells me. I'm about to give her a godly ass beating if she doesn't shut her mouth.

|

"I'M BISE-SEXUAL, BITE ME!" I respond annoyed.

|

"Is everything alright in there?" N asks, slightly opening the door.

|

"Yeah, she's j-just being annoying..." I mumble, shutting the door to my closet so hard, that I'm sure that the drones in the other end of the bunker's hallway heard it. I also completely dematerialize the drawings that I crumpled in my hands some minutes ago.

|

"Girl, who hurt you?" Tessa asks annoyed.

|

"Shut. U-up." I say as I sit back to my laptop. "Say anything else a-and you're fucking dead-ad." I add. She is not a friend of mine so she CANNOT say or do anything that annoys me WITHOUT regretting.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

My screen turns on in the dead of night. N is hanging from the feeling like usual, and Tessa is sleeping on the couch from the living room.

I groan. I used to get full 8 hours of sleep before I decided to build my railgun. Now I have to survive off oil and sleep, but at least now I don't need to charge anymore. I used to always get tangled in the wire. We're so lucky we can't choke...

As I am lost in my thoughts, I hear N whimper quietly, and I sit up on the edge of my bed to look at him. His screen turned on, and he's... Crying... Did a bad memory get to him..?

"N..? Come he-here, do you want to ta-talk?" I ask him worried. He nods his head, getting off the bar and sitting next to me.

|

"Please don't do anything dangerous..." He whimpers.

|

"Oh... N, I pro-promise you that I'll always be safe... As lo-long as it's okay for me to be safe!..." I try to reassure him, while not lying.

|

"No Uzi! I want you to stop sacrificing yourself for almost no reason... Please understand that!.." He whines.

|

"But if you die- Actu-tually I don't think you'd understand... Okay, I'll ke-keep myself safe, I promise." I try to explain to him, but I give up, hugging him. Lies sometimes are better. It's for his own good.

We sit in silence, hugging each other for a while. After about twelve minutes, N finally breaks the silence.

|

"Uzi... Do you trust Tess?" He asks me, still sad, but at least he's not crying.

|

"I would kill her if sh-she does anything to hurt you." I respond angered. I don't trust her. Too shady, too curious, too... Human like. I don't hate her, I despise her.

|

"... I don't think I trust her either..." He tells me.

|

"It's alright... I'll prot-rotect you. I promise." I respond, making another promise.

I will keep only one of those promises.

And it sure isn't the first one.

We sit on the edge of my bed, still hugging, for about half an hour. N yawns tired.

"Uzi..? Can I sleep with you this time?" He asks me, slightly embarrassed. I chuckle, nodding my head.

|

"Sure, the bed is big, you can sleep next to me!" I smile.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

"OH MY ROBO-GOD, UZI FUCKING DOORMAN, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!?" I wake up to mom yelling at me. I rise up on my bed, waiting for my vision to calibrate.

|

"... Wh-what happened?" I ask sleepy. Then I realize. N is still sleeping next to me. Actually wait, wasn't I hugging him while sleeping-

|

"DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM??" she keeps scolding me. N finally wakes up, I wonder how did it take him that long.

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"Y-yes I MEAN NO, ONLY NEXT TO HI-HIM NOT WITH HIM-" I try to explain.

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"Good morning Uzi! Good morning ma'am!" N says, unaware of what's going on right now.

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"DID YOU SLEEP WITH MY DAUGHTER!?" Mom asks him, threatening him with a shoe.

|

"Huh? I just had a bad memory and Uzi comforted me, I wouldn't call that sleeping with her." He tells mom, actually explaining something.

Mom is speechless. I guess she wanted a reason for me to break up with him but now she sees that he doesn't deserve to break up with me.

|

"Weeell weeeeeeell, what do we got here?" Tessa comes in the room, acting all knowing and annoying. "Who has a crush on who?" She asks like we aren't just dating.

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"... We've been officially dating for ab-about a week." I mumble tired. "Just when I finally get some sleep y'all wake me up..." I say, after a big yawn.

|

"YOU WHAT??? N YOU SMART MOTHERFUCKER!!!" She yells, hugging N in a proud sister like way.

I just realize that I want an older sister. Or sibling. I used to think about this all the time. Huh. Weird. She won't be my sister figure though.

"И вам доброе утро, почему вы все решили поорать в этот утренний час? / 𝙶𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚘, 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚛?" Doll asks me annoyed.

|

"I don't know, I finally had over 6 hours of sleep and they decide to wake me up." I mumble in response. Mom is looking weird at me.

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"Anyway, can I go ba-back to sleep?" I ask annoyed.

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"You have to go to sch-" She tries to say but I will NOT let that slide.

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"Uhem, this vir-virus is so bad it's actually fucking my circuits up. And I literally downloaded viruses th-that burn your processor to get rid of school. And they did almost no-nothing. I am NOT going to sch-school." I explain to her. Only I know how much I tried to download bad viruses only to see that I got the best antivirus. Ever. It's good most of the time but when I actually need it, it doesn't work.

|

"Alright, you can stay home. I'm going at Yeva's house again today, so be careful to not destroy the house." She tells me, leaving the room.

|

"... Can I go to school?" N asks me after she left.

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"If yo-you want? You aren't tied to-to me." I respond amused. He eeks excited and he hugs me goodbye. "Have f-fun!" I tell him, and he leaves too.

Dad is gone at work, so right now only Tessa's here. I lie in my bed, face down in my pillow, and groan loudly.

"Alrighty, so care to explain how you two got together? I'm surprised he chose you out of all people." Tessa asks me, spinning on my chair.

|

"Same." I mumble. "Can you leave me alo-alone for FIVE FUCKING MI-MINUTES!?!?" I yell at her tired.

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"Alright!" She answers, keeping her mouth shut.

...

Only for the next five minutes. That bitch.

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOO What do you think he likes about you?" She asks amused. I am sure she counted every single second.

|

"... I don't know-ow, don't ask me." I respond embarrassed. "I honestly don't see-see what he sees- WAIT ARE YOU TRYING TO GE-GET ME TO VENT!?" I yell at her, even more embarrassed.

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"Maybe." She smirks. "What do you see in N?" She asks something else.

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"A cute-te inocent boy with puppy personality. If any-anyone would hurt him, I would kill everyone in the room then my-myself." I mumble the last part.

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"What would happen if you lost control over your body because of Cyn or... Whatever that virus is, it seems important." She asks me. I should have seen this coming, but this question really hit me in my weak spot.

|

"BITE ME" I yell at her.

.

..

...

"... I already tr-tryed to kill myself once because of this, and N is alr-already marked by this fact. Don't re-remind me about this event." I respond after a period of silence.

|

"I wonder, you don't seem that special." She chuckles. "He should have taken V, she's better." She adds.

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"HE CHOSE ME-ME OVER HER SO SHUT-UT UP." I yell at her. She sounds just like my intrusive thoughts. I hide myself in the corner of my bed. "Just sh-shut up." I mumble, trying not to cry.

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"But isn't it annoying to know that you could lose control at any moment? Isn't it painful to know that you could be alone again?" She keeps saying, with an evil smirk. I think she knows what she's doing, since I'm on the verge of tears.

|

"... Sh-shut up... Please..." I whimper.

It should be a nightmare, am I right? But wait... We can't dream. If this is a nightmare, this means that it's going to happen anyway.

"Bruh I don't want N to date someone with this little self respect. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF FOR FUCK'S SAKE." She yells at me, dropping the act. "I didn't want to get you crying, but come on. He ain't leaving you even if that means the death for him." She adds annoyed.

|

"... Wh-what was that..?" I ask trying to calm down.

|

"A TEST. You have so little self respect, and I am not letting N date someone this... This unaccepting of themselves. He clearly saw something in you so TRY to see it. At least thank me for telling you one of your problems." She explains bored. "Also go get some therapy, I haven't seen anyone else ever need it more than you do." She mumbles.

|

"... BITE-TE ME, I DON'T NEED THERAPY!" I yell at her. She raises an eyebrow.

|

"На самом деле, говоря, а не просто слушая, вам ДЕЙСТВИТЕЛЬНО НУЖНА терапия. / 𝙰𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝙳𝙾 𝙽𝙴𝙴𝙳 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚢." Doll gets in the discussion. I roll over my eyes.

I am still staying in the corner of my bed, leaning onto the corner of my room.

"Come on, go get your oil or whatever, I know y'all overheat very fast. I don't understand what was Cyn thinking." Tess tells me.

|

"One Word. Efficiency." Cyn responds annoyed. I don't see in any way how this is more efficient.

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"Yesterday ev-evening I drank the last can, I have to go to re-refill at Doll's place." I mumble. Doll killed so many drones that her house is a very big oil supply.

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"По крайней мере, поблагодарите меня, что я сохранил тела. / 𝙰𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚜." Doll tells me annoyed. I roll over my eyes and I whisper a "thank you" while heading out the door.

"Do you want to co-come? Mom is still trying to find where Yeva's backup is. Since Doll's works, that me-means her should should work too." I ask her.

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"Sure! Yeva was one of the best hacker's I've seen." She approves.

|

"Can you explain how the fu-fuck do you know every bit of mo-mom and Yeva's personal life?" I question her, kinda laughing.

We may actually get along one day... Though there are more chances for me to leave N than for us to be friends.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

Prev | Next | Masterpost

Wait are those two actually getting along? NO FUCKING WAY!1!!!1!! It's so fucking insane!!! Anyway, nothing very bad happened this chapter, isn't it surprising?

...

Knowing my writing quirks, the next chapter will have a BIG depressing moment. Or maybe not ;)

[julesthequirky]

Beautiful Trauma - A Soldier Boy Miniseries: Chapter 4

Pairings: F!Reader x Ben/Soldier Boy

Summary: The reader is the real widower of Ben/Soldier Boy and loved their life together before the incident. In 1983 she took Compound V, so she could be with Ben forever, but in 1984 her life crashes to the ground, and she’s stuck in a world without him. In 2022 a knock at the door changes her life, and when she’s told that Ben is alive she hopes that there can be a forever after all.

Chapter Warnings: Antiquated views, traditional gender values, smut (p in v), SB lewdness, SB boomer mentality, language, repressed memories.

Chapter W/C: 1922

This work is unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine. If you like it, heart, and reblog it. All feedback is gold.

Ben emerged from the apartment building covered in dust but otherwise unscathed. You stood in the alley beside his fallen shield with your mouth agape. No way. No, there’s just no way.

Your husband jumped down and sauntered towards you, arms outstretched, a big shit-eating grin plastered across his face.

“I knew it, baby!” He punched the air. “I fucking knew it!”

He picked you up, gripping your thighs, prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist. Your hands cradled his face, thumbs stroked his cheeks, and a big dumb grin spread across your face as he spun you around.

“Look at you, with powers. Got me rock fuckin’ hard, baby.” Ben commented and ground his hard-on against your core.

A small smirk tugged your lips. Ben’s lewdness always got you going. It was ridiculous, really.

“Fuck me against the wall, Ben.”

He chuckled darkly, his hungry eyes eating you up. “Yes, ma’am.”

Arms wrapped around his neck, his plump lips drew yours in, sucking your full bottom lip. His hands squeezed your ass, pulling you against his tented sweats, and Ben pushed you against the bricks harshly. The wall cratered and crumbled beneath you.

The first time should have been at home in your marital bed or even on the couch. Definitely not against a brick wall in some seedy New York back alley. But that was Ben. He wasn’t prudish about his exploits.

Ben fished himself out of his sweats and yanked your leggings down, along with your panties, and mumbled something about loving elastic.

The very first punch of his cock knocked the breath outta you and had your walls stretching to accommodate his girth. The first slide home had you moaning into the air, gripping his blue Giants jersey, and Ben’s guttural grunt landed in your ear.

“Fuck, you’re tight. Relax that pretty pussy for me.”

At his words, your pussy fluttered, easing the grip you had on him.

“There you go. Gonna be better than that dumb fucking toy in your drawer.”

Ohhhh fuck.

“Fuck me, Ben. Please, just fuck me,”

“Woah, look who’s got a filthy mouth now?”

A moan elicited from you as he pulled back and bottomed out. His hips snapped into you, setting a hard and fast pace.

“Fuck. So wet, you’re coating my cock.” His forehead dropped on your shoulder.

With every thrust, he filled you completely. He was so warm, and hard. You could feel the beat of his heart in your core as he pulsed. Every ridge, every vein, with every slide and stroke he sparked sensitive nerve endings, and you held on as that familiar heat gathered in the pit of your belly.

“Oh, God, Ben.”

“Oh, yes, baby. Fucking gush all over my cock”

Ben fucked into you harder. A few more thrusts, and he had you exploding around him. He had you calling his name, worshipping him as he fucked you through your orgasm, and once it subsided, you sagged against him, desperate to catch your breath.

Ben’s cock lazily stroked inside you as you rested your head against the crumbling bricks.

“You really needed that, huh?”

Sated, with a dopey smile on your face, your fingers trailed through his hair.

“You bet, Sunny.”

Ben stared at you, and you feared you’d said something wrong as his ministrations had paused.

“The first time you called me that was after consummating our marriage.”

You nodded. “I remember. Short for sunlight. Seemed appropriate. Even more so now…” You trailed off, fingers circling his chest.

He snapped up into you, and your hand pressed hard against the centre of his chest, fingers gripping his shirt, your eyes fluttering shut, and a soft groan slipped from your lips. Ben hauled you against his chest and fucked you once more against the brick wall.

He made you cum, and his sweet nickname fell from your lips, eliciting his own release. Hot streams spurted inside you, painting your walls white.

“Fuck, woman, I’m gonna stuff you so full of my babies. Just you wait.”

*

When Ben’s old manager opened PH4, the repressed emotions flooded back. You had called and called, desperate for an answer, desperate for the news not to be true, and each time you were prompted to leave a voicemail. You begged and pleaded down the answering machine but you never received a call back.

The Legend took in the soot on your cheeks, dust covering your hair and the torn clothes and you both sported, and his eyes widened in response.

“Fuck happened?”

“Building exploded.” Was all Ben said.

“Fucking hell. You both look like shit.”

“Nice to see you too.” Ben huffed and barged in.

You followed Ben, marvelling at the space and oppulence of the place.

“You got your suit. What more do you want?”

“A place to stay.”

The door closed as you wandered around the penthouse, viewing all the photos of him with famous people. This fuck cared more about his appearance than anybody else. He pretended to give a shit about the normal and mundane people he encountered – like you – but you understood better than anybody else what a lying sack of shit he was when he left you empty-handed, screaming into the void for answers.

“Sure, sure. I’ll hook you up. What happened to your apartment?”

“It exploded.”

“Well, shit.”

Ben sat down and waved you over, but you couldn’t sit. You stood there staring at the wall of photos, thoughts plaguing your mind. You had questions you wanted – no, deserved answers to. Mainly why he ignored all your calls and where your daughter was. If there was anybody that knew, it would be him.

You heard the ice clink into the tumblers and the snapping of fingers to grab your attention.

“Y/N, sit the fuck down. Get her a drink, would ya.”

“The fuck do I look like to you? A waiter?”

“Just do it.”

Of course, this was the first place Ben thought of. This guy used to be the VP at Vought when Ben was in his prime superhero days in Payback.

“Why didn’t you answer any of my calls?” You asked out of nowhere, eyes still fixed on the wall of photos.

“Calls?”

That familiar churning of rage burned in your chest, and you spun around to confront him directly.

“Don’t you play fucking dumb with me. I called you, desperate for answers, but you never answered. You left me in the dust. And I had to go on knowing nothing. Do you have any idea what it was like living day to day with the knowledge that Ben was dead?”

You waited for an answer but got nothing.

“I’ll tell you. It’s fucking awful. It’s like permanently being in one of Mindstorms fucking nightmares.”

Sensing danger, Ben stood, moving towards you.

“You chose to ignore me. You purposefully let me believe because you didn’t want to deal with a hysterical grieving woman.”

“I had no idea! I knew just as much as you did!”

You doubted that.

“You’re a lying sack of shit! A coward whose nose is jammed so far up Vought’s asshole. You couldn’t care less about anyone but your damn self!”

“Babe, another time.” Ben urged calmly. He tugged at your shirt for you to follow him, but you smacked his hand away.

“You let Payback take my baby. Didn’t you?”

Ben stilled beside you and turned to face the old VP.

“No! I had no idea about that.”

“You’re lying!”

His eyes flicked to Ben, who stood beside you. “You need to control your girl.”

“Fuck you!” You spat.

“I don’t have to listen to this. Ben, get her out of my sight.”

You weren’t going anywhere, not without getting answers first. And before Ben could pull you back, you stormed up to The Legend, demanding, “Where’s my daughter!”

He blanched. Here was this short lady getting in his face, challenging him.

“I don’t know.”

You grabbed his shirt and pulled him down, pushing your face into his.

“Where the fuck is my daughter?”

“Y/N. Stop.” Ben urged again.

He made the mistake of putting his hand on your shoulder, but you held him off, hand on his chest. Ben stood puzzled, but when he looked down, he deadpanned.

You watched The Legend watch Ben attempt to pull you away with no success.

“I won’t ask again, so why don’t you tell me what you know.”

He sighed in defeat. “I only heard down the grapevine after Payback disbanded. That’s the truth. I heard she was staying with Mallory.”

“Mallory? Who the fuck is that?”

“Fucking Captain Lesbo.” Ben huffed behind you.

You turned to Ben, loosening your grip on The Legend. He managed to pull himself free, muttering something about “keeping his woman in line.”

“Tell me who she is.”

“Worked with her in Nicaragua. Can you believe it, they put a woman in charge? Probably why everything went to utter shit. Last I heard, she worked for the CIA –  Hey!!”

You walked out of The Legend’s penthouse, intent on finding this Mallory woman.

“Get back here, woman!”

A hand pulled you back inside and slammed you against the shut door. Ben rested his hands on either side of your head, trapping you.

“If you’re wanting to find Mallory, you’re gonna need a plan. You can’t just go out there with no fucking clue, hoping to get lucky. What were you planning on? Storming the CIA?”

“I just want to find our daughter, Ben.”

His expression softened. “I know. And I have a feeling Butcher knows just where to find her, but that’s a job for tomorrow. Today, I wanna chill with my girl.”

“You soppy bastard.” You said, a smile forming as your fingers trailed through his hair.

“You guys make me puke.” The Legend grunted.

*

Head resting on Ben’s shoulder cuddled up to him, he had the remote in hand, legs spread as you both sat on the fancy sofa watching daytime tv on The Legends huge screen. A loud noise coming from your pocket interrupted the cosy atmosphere.

You pulled the phone from your pocket. It was just an old Nokia. Simple enough for your needs. The tiny thing blared at you, the screen bright with MEDS unblinking at you. Beside you, Ben reached for the phone.

“The fuck is that? Jesus, turn it off.”

You silenced the phone, and his large hand snatched the device from you. Ben turned it over and over in his hands, pressing buttons. His brow furrowing, creases deepening the further annoyed he got.

“It’s a phone.”

“A phone? That ain’t no phone. Looks like something I’ve seen in your sock drawer. What’s this meds thing? Are you a pill-popper now?”

You reached for the device, but he held it out of reach.

“Chronic depression is—”

“Depression? You don’t need pills for a little bit of sadness.”

You’d expected this reaction from Ben, but it stung nonetheless.

“Please, Ben, I need them. We have to go to the pharmacy.”

He waved his hand dismissively.

“I’m here now. Whatcha gotta be depressed about?” He turned to you and gripped your chin, fingers spreading your lips. “Where’s your smile, baby. Show it to me. That’s all you need.”

Without your medication, you were likely to deteriorate. Later, tomorrow… you couldn’t say how you’d be feeling. But you smiled weakly for him. Perhaps he was right, and you didn’t need them? Maybe it was just him you needed, but deep down, you weren’t so sure.

Tags: @spnfamily-j2

[chernabogs]

ooo ask games! i won't spam you with all of them so here are a few: 💌, ✨ and 📚~

Plz spam me I have a chronic condition (I like talking abt my works LMAO)

Under a read more bc she got a lil long!!!

💌 — Is there a fav trope you like to write?

I love unrequited/pining anything bc I can eat that up in a heartbeat, but I am also deeply fond of the 'two people one braincell' concept where it's just two folks who need to be beside each other to really have one coherent thought 😭

✨️ — Out of the comments you've received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

Ohhhh LMAO oh god. Any time anyone rb's a fic of mine on here and goes ham in the tags or as an addition (Lian and Hana this is targeted at you, lovingly ♡) it automatically becomes a fav I will re-read again and giggle at.

I also had someone on Erlkönig recently pick out bits of their fav lines from my most recent chapter and add comments, which I thought was v sweet 💕 a lot of Erlkönig and Obsiquy comments make me happy, tbh. Anything is sweet in my eyes!

📚 — Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you'd recommend?

Oh god now I gotta amount my brain power (and look at my bookmarks) 😭😭😭

In terms of fics, Like Lark Notes From the Sky by ARevenantDreamingOfRoses (locked unless logged in) is an absolute banger. It follows an MC who has the ghost of KoD attached to them, guiding them throughout the game; MC is implied to be Fae too.) A stunning, STUNNING piece of work so far. 4 chapters!

you are proof of my existence by ToshihikoRin is also lovely. It covers heavier topics in it, but the author balances this with light-hearted moments too. 27 chapters!

Atramentum by Chronophage is also another really beautiful piece of work. The author writes in a manner I find engaging and easy to follow. It doesn't have Grim in it, as a warning. 36 chapters!

In terms of writers, @welshoot , @hanafubukki , @curekibouka-writing , @llondonfog , @ / raven-at-the-writing-desk, @da-birb-writes-sometimes , and @vera-deville are a few of my immediate top of head who ik write fanfics. But honestly, there are tons of fantastic writers in any of the twst tags that I've come across :)