#oh you have lots of big boys on your board?? i am throwing my army of 1/1s at you have fun

[kyngsnake]

obsessed with the fact that they chose fo3 baby mac over fo4 mac

[youarejesting]

Limited Edition. So Far Away

[FULL MASTERLIST] [Limited Edition Master list]

Beta: N/A Rating: All audiences Genre: Fantasy, Comedy, Fluffy Fluff, Adventure. Pairing: Bts x Friend!Reader Words: 1.4K

Summary: It is your first time buying proper merchandise, there are new chibi figurines and the first person to order will recieve a limited edition set. But what happens when BTS have gone missing without a trace and a few days later you receive your package. The box says congratulations, you open to find your limited edition figures, they look so lifelike. OH WAIT! it’s cause they are.

Returning home was quiet, absolutely no stress about little men being seen. Even going through customs was a breeze. You felt like you had succeeded but in what you were not sure. The boys had shown you around Seoul for a week before you had to return home. 

You didn’t miss them, at least not yet. But when you opened the door to your home, it felt almost empty. You walked into the house and heard a shuffling. “Who is there?” you said thinking perhaps it was Jungkook or Seokjin raiding the cupboards again

“Hey best friend” A wave of disappointment washed over you. “where have you been?”

“Oh…” You shrugged “Around”

Walking dejectedly to your room, you went to unpack your suitcase and saw the dollhouse. “It hurt a lot to see it without them in it. You placed it on your desk. Before promptly face planting your bed and crying softly. 

The days passed, you went back to your university and you started working on assignments and keeping busy with lectures and tutorials. You spent your time filling the void of loneliness and you never had the heart to throw away the dollhouse.

Just when things started to look better, you remembered them when they were Tiny. Rocking out to Mic Drop and Yoongi’s little hand gestures as he rapped.

Or on days you caught a glimpse of the boys on run bts or alive you would remember how they were when they had transformed back.

“How does it feel being the small one?” Namjoon grinned looking over you trying to be intimidating. News flash he wasn’t after seeing him reduced to the size of your hand with dimples and two left feet. That man couldn’t scare you. So why did you cower slightly? It was probably because you were weirded out by the sudden height change.

“It is odd” You muttered “I am used to you all being so small and adorable and needing my help and just generally being cute. But now…”

“Now we are sexy and manly and big and strong” Jimin puffed his chest making Jungkook and Taehyung laugh. 

“You can admit it we are beautiful,” Seokjin said 

One night you hid it in your closet thinking that maybe it was best to forget it all like it was all a dream. But it wasn’t. They would pop up with another live stream smiling and dropping little hints as if hoping you were watching.

“We really enjoy the Tiny Tan animation videos going around and we are planning to contact the artist and work with them, to create something” Hoseok grinned

You hadn’t left your bed in days hoping that you would soon forget that one day you would wake with no memory of the boys. But the notifications on your videos brought you back to the present. 

Life had gone from bad too worse everything was going wrong; family, friends, job, and school work. 

Your friends alienated you because you didn’t have time for you anymore so they stopped inviting you to things. Your parents continued their usual. 

“you're wasting your life and you aren’t doing anything”  “What’s the point of us paying for your college?”  “When will you get a job?”

You were sick of their complaining and just everything screaming at you, you were unhappy truly. 

Walking through the front door you see your friends all getting ready to go out and they went quiet looking around awkwardly. 

Dropping your bag and taking off your shoes you received a call, “Good afternoon this is Y/n speaking” you looked in the fridge for something to eat. 

“Hello miss Y/n this is Sejin,” Sejin introduced himself “I am calling to offer you flights to Korea for a week, the boys are feeling quite down and they mentioned wanting to see you” “Is it okay if I think about it and get back to you?” “Of course” 

You just walked past your friends hearing a few whispered comments about yourself. Exhausted stepping into your room you flipped back on your bed staring holes at your cupboard. 

Unable to hold back any longer you, opened the door and took the dollhouse from the top shelf and placed it on your desk. You opened the front panel and inside you saw a full-sized letter. It was obvious they had snuck it in your bag before you left Korea. 

“Dear Y/n, we were not the best guests in your home. We are sorry for making you cry. We all hope to meet you once again. Namjoon”  they had each written a tiny little message underneath with similar messages. 

“If you ever miss my handsome face, come see us, also I need someone to make me those delicious snacks you make TT visit again soon, Jin”

“I would like you to know I will cherish the memories and photos we took together, Jimin”

“I hope you always feel welcome to visit, Taehyung”

“Whenever I feel down I will think back to the times we had together, your hope”

“I don’t like to play favorites but you are my favorite Army. You made me so happy and treated us like people, Jungkook”

You couldn’t help the tears that fell especially when you saw Yoongi’s comment. “What is keeping you there? You are miserable. Come join BigHit and take any position you wish. I am just being selfish and rude because you are leaving, Yoongi”

Taking out your suitcase you shoved everything inside, clothes shoes and looking around, was there anything else you needed or wanted to bring. 

You took your computer external justice, all your paperwork, and zipped up your suitcase. Calling Sejin back. 

“Actually Sejin does the offer still stand that I can get a job in Korea?” You said rolling out to the kitchen opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water and some fruit.  “Well that’s the other reason why we were calling you back, Mr. Bang really wants to offer you a job” “Listen I will take it, is it too much of a bother to ask for a place to stay?”

“Of course we can find you a small apartment,” Sejin said “you would work as an assistant manager so you would work with me if you want you can have any job you would like,” he said and the girls were looking at you.  “What’s the earliest flight you can get me there? I am packed and ready to go as we speak?”

“I can get you on the next available flight. How far are you away from the airport?” “An hour?” “I can get you a plane in two hours?” “Perfect I will be there” 

Hanging up you felt a sense of relief “I’m leaving my parents will grab my stuff, so please do not stress. Our lease is up in a month so I will pay it out” 

“Where are you going?” Your roommate asked hugging you

“Korea, I got a job a house and a few friends that I miss dearly” you hugged all your friends and sighed “I have been miserable after they left and I don’t think I can live without them”

“Good luck and have fun” 

“Listen I will call you, I will keep in touch and if you ever want to come see Korea hit me up” you grinned “I am sorry for ghosting you all because I was sad but I think this is what I need”

With your bag in tow, you took a taxi to the airport and boarded the next plane to Korea, the whole way you were watching over the videos you and the boys recorded together. 

Getting a notification for a new Live you watched it happily. The boys were talking about things being slow and they wish they could see their Army and perform. 

Namjoon received a text and read it silently before grinning wildly. “I got a message from manager-nim” he grinned, showing the others his cell phone and they all grinned. 

“Here to Korea?” Taehyung asked excitedly 

“Yes and permanently” Yoongi read the text. “As Sejin’s assistant manager”

The comments were going off, “Army we have a new assistant manager please be kind they are a wonderful person who took care of us and brought us back to Korea when we had gone missing”

Jimin read the comments with a laugh. “SAM, SAM, SAM? Why do they keep saying three? What does that mean? Three?”

“Saviour Assistant Manager” Hoseok read over his shoulder laughing.

Tags: @victory0461​​ @gqmf-bangtanmama​ @simplymemyself​

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[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

Hayloft - Part 2

Series Masterlist - Bucky Masterlist - Full Masterlist

Summary: A young girl finds a soldier hiding in the hayloft on her father’s farm. Intrigued, she visits him more and more until her father finds out and puts him to work. As they grow closer, something else grows too.

Pairing: James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes x OC Jenny Richelle “Ricky” Hill

Warning: Strong language, inaccurate war description

Author’s note: Based on the song Hayloft by Mother Mother and the lovestory of my grandparents. I am Dutch and the war was a bit different here, so I will be basing this on the stories I’ve heard about my grandparents.

Word count: 2433

‘What are you reading Jenny?‘ ‘What’s it to you James?‘ ‘Just curious, that’s all.‘ He watches as a smile starts tugging on the corners of her lips. She tries to surppres it, but the sparkle in her eyes is clear as day. ‘Of sons and lovers,‘ she hums, showing him the front, ‘do you know it?‘ ‘Heard of it, haven’t had the chance to read it,‘ he answers, ‘will you read it to me?‘

From that moment on, she’d read to him every Friday and Sunday. Sometimes on Wednesdays if he’d look at her nicely. Though Jenny’s father would rather have her spend time with other lads who are a little more wealthy, he didn’t mind for the time being. After all, the two seemed to be great friends. Meanwhile, Jenny was falling hard and fast. She hadn’t known this feeling before. The butterflies in her stomach when he’d wink at her, the racing of her heart when he’d touch her skin, the way she got light headed when he’d tease her. She could deal with Michelle, the pictures, and the fear of being caught if she knew she could come home to James.  The pictures on the cork board at her work kept changing. Eventually, Timothy’s picture disappeared as he lived a town over and couldn’t possibly still be here. James and Johnny’s pictures were moved up to make them more prominent, but with their messy stubble, weathered faces, and much longer locks they were barely recognizable from them. Jenny continuously send secret letters to James and Johnny’s relatives and friends under her own name. When anyone asked about it, she just said she was catching up with pen pals. Then one day a strange letter arrived. Jenny hadn’t seen the handwriting before. As usual, she gathered the men in the living room to read them their letters and burn them right after. They weren’t allowed to keep them in fear they would be found if they were searched. And so she got to the strange letter. It read.

“Dear Jenny,

Thank you for your wonderful letter. I am grateful to hear you are safe and sound. It has been a while. Please say hi to him for me and tell me that I miss him. Tell him I’m not angry anymore and I understand why he left us when he did. There’s no shame in it, I just wish I could visit to see his face again. Tell him I got into the army. It’s not the position I wanted, but I get to represent my country. Please don’t laugh at me when you see my face.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Yours sincerely,

Steve Rogers“

‘Who is Steve Rogers,‘ Jenny asks James, but when she looks up from the letter she can see the tears in his eyes. ‘Are you okay James?‘ ‘He’s my best friend,‘ James sniffles with a smile, ‘I used to be better at everything, but now he’s finally outdone me.‘ He looks proud and nostalgic as he swallows his tears away. ‘You know, I haven’t heard people call me James in such a long time because he always used to call me Bucky.‘ ‘That’s a nice nickname,‘ Jenny smiles and takes a seat next to him on the couch while the others leave, having thrown their letters in the fire. She hands James his. He laughs when he reads it again. ‘He probably spend hours on this,‘ he chuckles, ‘he never knew how to use his words. I always had to help him find friends or a date. Last time I saw him we went to a fair and I was supposed to leave for the war the next day. He wanted to fight so bad, but he’s build like a toothpick and there’s no way they’re letting someone like that in.‘ Jenny hands him a piece of paper. ‘I wrote down the return address for you, might you ever want to write him again,‘ she tells him. James looks at her in disbelieve. ‘You are a goddamn angel,‘ he smiles and throws his arms around her, engulfing her in a tight hug, ‘you are the best thing that could’ve happened to me.‘ She laughs and pushes him off a little. ‘You’re crushing me,‘ she chuckles when he lets go of her. Alpine wanders into the living room and jumps onto James’ lap. Jenny scratches her behind her ear with a smile while James admired her. ‘I like Bucky. It’s a nice nickname. Fits you way better than James.‘ ‘How come?‘ ‘James is way too smooth,‘ she eyebrows knit together a little while she tries to explain it, ‘it’s what most of those soldiers walking around town look like. Bucky is a bit more rugged and strong. It’s a handsome name.‘ He watches her face change to a bit of mischief. ‘You’re going to be the death of me,‘ he chuckles. ‘I thought I was an angel,‘ she bats her eyes innocently, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. ‘Don’t forget to burn that letter. I’m going to help mother out with dinner.‘ And she’s gone while James feels his cheeks heat up. Alpine looks up at him with a judgmental look. ‘Don’t say it, I know,‘ he sighs, talking to the cat, ‘this isn’t going to end well.‘

‘Good morning gents,‘ Jenny chirps, opening the door to the shed to bring their breakfast, ‘I got some jam for you today.‘ Johnny almost jumps out of his bed. ‘Good morning Jenny, how does it feel to be old,‘ he teases her, poking at her side. ‘Ah, stop it,‘ she laughs at the tickling, ‘I’m not old. Call James old!‘ ‘I’m 23, not a fossil,‘ he chuckles in a rough morning voice. ‘Is it your birthday,‘ Timothy asks, peeking from under his covers. ‘Yeah, I’m 22 today,‘ she smiles, pushing Johnny’s face away, ‘so my father bought jam from the neighbors and my mom is making a cake.‘ ‘Cake,‘ James asks in disbelieve. It had been ages since he had eaten cake. Most people don’t have money to acquire the ingredients. ‘Don’t expect too much from it,‘ she smiles, ‘it’s just custard and rusk.‘ ‘Honestly, that’s better than I expected,‘ he smiles, ‘I’ve heard people make fig cakes these days.‘ ‘Oh, I’ve heard of those,‘ Johnny laughs, ‘heard they’re hard enough to bash someone’s head in.‘ James watches Jenny’s smile a she talks to Johnny before her shift. She looks so good in her navy, knee-length skirt; navy, fitted waistcoat; and ivory blouse. As for today she’s holding a jacket in the same navy color over her arm. The nights had become colder and longer. Winter is coming and they all know it. The shed will be a lot colder in the following months. ‘I’ll be back earlier today, I only have a half shift,‘ Jenny tells them with a smile, ‘enjoy the jam.‘ ‘Thank you.‘

Though the days might be colder as winter approaches, the work has gotten harder. It’s harvest time and the boys are busy beyond compare. They work until they’re covered in sweat and only stop when misses Hill comes outside to give them water. The two younger boys in the family help them with some smaller tasks while Penny, the other daughter, sits by the tree behind the farmhouse and knits. Around twelve, misses Hill comes outside with lunch and sets it down by Penny. They boys sit in a circle with her while she continues to knit. James watches what she’s doing and notices the small mountain of knitted materials next to her. ‘Say Penny, what are you making?‘ She looks up from her work. ‘Oh, mother told me to knit some sweaters because the weather is getting colder,‘ she tells him, ‘mother normally does it, but she’s busy sewing jackets.‘ ‘Sewing jackets?‘ ‘Yeah, you don’t think we’re going to let you guys freeze to death do you,‘ she grins and hands him one of the sweaters to show him, ‘you should be happy Jenny has a job. She’s terrible at knitting and sewing.‘ James takes a look at the sweater. They’re just simple, white sweaters. Probably made from the wool of the sheep that stand in the stables. ‘We’re going to dye them once they’re done so you all have your own,‘ she hums, continuing with her work. ‘How wil you dye them? Isn’t that terribly expensive these days,‘ Timothy asks her a bit concerned. ‘It’s fine. We’re going to use wild berries and some other things like coffee grounds,‘ she explains to him, ‘we’re not exactly short on money, but it’s good to be creative in these times.‘ ‘How’d you guys end up hiding stowaways,‘ James ask, taking a big bite out of his sandwich. ‘Well, Johnny was here with Jenny when we heard soldiers were going to check every house for young gents who didn’t join the army,‘ she says, giving Johnny a small smile, ‘so we made him hide in the crawl space under the house until things calmed down, but it turns out they weren’t going to check us because we need the help on the farm so the men that were here would be safe. Besides, they already took our brother away.‘ She doesn’t look far as sad as Jenny does when talking about him. ‘So who wants what color? I’ll be able to make brown, blue, and red.‘ ‘I’d like brown,‘ Timothy mumbles. ‘I’ll take blue,‘ Johnny grins. ‘I guess that leaves red for me,‘ James smiles at her, eating the last few bites of his sandwich before getting up again. ‘Let’s get back to work.‘ Johnny sighs loudly. ‘No fun that one,‘ he jokes to Penny. They hear something on the gravel and Wesley and Nathan jump up. The group sees Jenny stepping off her bike and putting it against the fence like she does every day. James looks at her like the world just got a little brighter. The sunshine in his life returned and seems to just look at him. ‘Ah, did I miss lunch,‘ she laughs as her brothers pull her towards the group, ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier.‘ She presses a kiss to everyone’s cheek, but stops for a second after kissing James’ cheek and smiles. She starts rubbing his cheek with her thumb and he can only think of what her lipstick stain on his cheek might look like. ‘It’s fine,‘ he grumbles, ‘how was your day?‘ Without realizing it, he puts an arm around her waist while she keeps scrubbing at his cheek. ‘Gosh, terrible,‘ she grins, ‘they took half the pictures off the cork-board. It’s horrific to see them take them off and see the poor lads being dragged down the street. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.‘ She looks satisfied at his cheek and takes a step back, realizing they all have stains on their cheeks. ‘You guys should wash up.‘ ‘Why don’t we get the same treatment as James,‘ Johnny whines. She steps over to him, grabs his jaw, and violently scrubs his face. ‘Wait, no, I surrender. Stop!‘ The group laughs for a second. ‘Oi, back to work lads,‘ mister Hill calls as he steps out of the house.

After dinner it’s time for the improvised cake. Jenny turns an, to James adorable, shade of red when they start singing Happy Birthday to her. She looks with bright eyes at the candles on top of the cake and closes her eyes with her hands folded together before blowing them out. James can’t take his eyes off of her. Misses Hill divides the cake evenly between the nine of them and everyone is quiet at the sweet taste. ‘It’s great mom,‘ Jenny smiles at her mother, ‘perfect birthday.‘ Misses Hill walks over to her daughter and hands her a small, wrapped package. ‘Your grandmother send this over.‘ Jenny’s eyes shine as she opens the package. Everyone looks curiously at the small box as she opens it. Inside is a dainty, golden necklace with a golden coin on it. Jenny flips it over to see the back of it and smiles. ‘She got it engraved,‘ she smiles, tears of joy poking her eyes as she shows her mother. ‘That’s wonderful sweetheart,‘ her mother answers, ‘shall I put it on for you?‘ Jenny nods and hands the necklace to her mother who helps her put it on while she holds up her hair. The whole scene looks enchanting to James. In fact, it looks enchanting to all of them. She lets her hair fall down and shows her sister the coin. ‘Look, its an angel riding a Pegasus,‘ she smiles. Penny gives it a small glance and shrugs. It’s not special to her, but it means the world to Jenny. 

The dinner comes to an end and James and Jenny end up reading on the couch as they often do these days. Alpine is curled up between them and comfortably purrs as both James and Jenny pet her gently. But is James actually reading? He seems to be awing at Jenny’s foccussed face. Heart shaped eyes almost pop out of his skull. ‘Stop looking at me,‘ Jenny whispers at him. He closes his book and pretends to be offended. ‘I was not looking at you.‘ ‘Oh please, you’re a terrible liar,‘ Jenny says as she puts her book down as well. ‘Do you want to go look at the stars from the hayloft?‘ She sighs and puts her book on the coffee table. ‘Fine, but bring a blanket this time. I found hay everywhere last time,‘ she sighs. Alpine follows as the two make their way to the hayloft and open the small window to look outside at she night sky while laying on the hay. James puts the blanket over the hay and arranges it so they can sit comfortably. He sits down first and takes her hand to pull her onto his chest. She turns a bright shade of red when she lands and looks up at his face. ‘You’re adorable,‘ he smiles, feeling tingles going through his whole body. ‘S-stop that,‘ she mumbles, trying to push herself away but his arm has her captured. ‘Hey, where’d my confident Jenny go,‘ he teases.  ‘Oh go fuck yourself,‘ she grins. ‘Gladly, through I’d rather fuck you.‘ She stares with wide eyes into his as a smug smirk plays on his lips. ‘Fuck it,‘ she mumbles and straddles him, dipping down to connect his lips with hers. ‘My dad is going to shoot you.‘ ‘Angel, that only makes it more exciting.‘

[thepurplebutterflythings]

Kitty Cat & Tweety Bird (Part 11) - Jason Todd

Gif: Dxnninja on Tenor

Word Count: 1.6K

Paring: Jason Todd (Titans) x (f)Reader

Summary: Y/N and Bruce bond more and more. Y/N throws Jason under the bus.

Warnings: N/A

A/N: This is a little series I am doing about Jason Todd in Titans. I don’t know Comic!Jason very well so I’m taking all of this from the show, and at the moment he hasn’t been in very often, so please forgive any mischaracterizations.

Tagging: @bella-0104-123 @ninergirl1d @httpfandxms @rosybrock @attackonnat @reclusive-chicken-nugget   @demoiselle-en-detresse00 @young-psychos @thesleepykaijuu @thescottpack @nightlygiggles @rougestorms @sinon36

________________________________________________________________

Bruce and Alfred spoke to the others about their plan for the Gala to Y/N and Jason with Selina, Harley and Ivy present.

“We don’t want news getting out before the Gala,” Alfred explained, “this is a big event, for big news.”

“Everyone on the board at Wayne Enterprises seem to believe that after my demise, one of them will be selected, and since you have said you are interested in taking over Wayne Enterprises eventually, we want this to announce you as the heir and future CEO for the company and fortune,” Bruce put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder, “not only that but I want to say to Gotham and the world that I have an incredible young lady as my daughter who I want them to see as she truly is.”

“God, you’re a sap,” Selina teased with a roll of the eye.

“Mum,” Y/N whined.

“No, your mother is right, I’m a sap,” Bruce winked at his daughter, “I just never thought I’d be able to say that I have a daughter, and such a lovely one at that too.”

________________________________________________________________

“Here, let me help,” Jason took the box from Y/N’s hands that she carried into Wayne Manor. Bruce had asked Selina and Y/N if they wanted to move into the Manor, both of whom were thrilled at the prospect. That’s what they were doing. The moving truck was outside the Manor, workers paid discreetly so not to go to the press with the news that a woman and her child, who was also Bruce’s daughter, were moving into Wayne Manor.

“Thanks, Tweety-Bird,” Y/N sighed, unloading the box into Jason’s strong arms.

“God, your mum has a lot of crap.”

“Yep,” Y/N nodded as she grabbed a lighter box. “You’d think she’d have a lot less, being a street kid.”

“Can I ask, how much of this is stolen?” Jason asked.

“I don’t ask,” Y/N said as they put the boxes on the table and fell onto the sofa. “Let’s me sleep better at night.”

“Good point,” Jason said, “jewel thief mother means probably a lot of things are ‘missing’ from stores or museums.”

“I really don’t like to think about it,” Y/N chuckled.

“Can’t blame you,” Jason chuckled as he brushed his hair out from his eyes. “I wouldn’t either.”

“Mum’s actually returned a few things she’s stolen and kept – a lot she sold off, so that’s out the question.

“It’s so good that she’s taking this fresh start and run with it.”

“Mum says it’s what her life would’ve been had things gone a little different.”

“And what do you think of your new life?” Jason asked, scooting next to Y/N and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“It could grow on me,” she teased, “I mean, there is a hot guy who’s a bit of a pain, and now I’m going to have to live with him too…”

“You never told me that you found Alfred hot!” Jason rebuffed.

“Oh, yeah, such a dreamboat,” Y/N poked Jason’s cheek, “you’ve competition for my heart, Mr Todd.”

“I could take that old man.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Bruce chuckled walking into the room, “Alfred was in the Army, a very dangerous man really.”

“Haha, an old man could beat you up,” Y/N teased in a playful, sing-song voice.

“Y/N, don’t tease Jason like so,” Bruce sat himself down, “it gives him false hope – two old men can beat him up.”

Y/N started laughing, leaning her head on Jason’s chest while Bruce flashed the boy a smile. It was clear what Bruce was inferring, himself and Alfred could easily take Jason Todd down, and Bruce probably wasn’t wrong either.

“Alright, alright,” Jason huffed, playfully pushing Y/N off of him, “I don’t have to sit here and take this, I’m going to go and help Selina,” He said walking out to the truck.

“She could kick his ass easily,” Bruce nodded after the boy.

“Oh, he came to terms with that the moment he found out my mother was Catwoman,” Y/N chuckled as Bruce moved to sit next to his daughter, “He knows Mum, Auntie Harley and Auntie Ivy could grind him to a pulp if they wanted.”

“Smart boy,” Bruce smiled, “even I know Selina could overpower me if she so wanted.”

“Mum is certainly tough.”

“Oh, yes, always has been,” he nodded, “she’s admirable.”

“Yeah, I remember being seven and her teaching me how to balance by using the stair-rails in the building we lived in.”

“Selina taught me that too.”

“Did she time you too?”

“Yes – 7 minutes was my best when she was here.”

“12,” Y/N grinned, “wanna see who wins between us?”

“You’re on, little miss.”

“I’ll beat you, old man.”

“Don’t speak to your father like that,” he chuckled as they got to their feet and ran up the stairs to the landing, kicking their shoes off.

“How come you can say you’re an old man but I’m being disrespectful?” Y/N smiled, putting her hands on her hips.

“Because I’m older.”

“As I stated you were.”

“Come on, let’s see if you’re as good as you say you are,” Bruce nodded to the bannister. “Three, two one.”

On one, they jumped onto the bannister. Y/N had an elegant grace in her movements, reminiscent of Selina. Bruce was more solid with his landing on the bannister, a loud thumping noise erupting when his feet hit the wood.

“You’re going down, Dad.” Y/N outstretched her arms and lifted her chin to help her balance while Bruce looked at his feet and wobbled a little, biting his lip and looking up at Y/N. “Don’t go easy and let me win, or I’ll push you off,” Y/N warned him. Bruce grinned.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he said as he finally got his balance properly and stood up straight.

________________________________________________________________

“Where are you guys?” Jason called as he walked in with Selina. They put their boxes down and looked around themselves with a frown on their faces. Jason had said that they were in the living room, but the only thing which remained was the imprints on the seating.

“UP HERE,” Y/N yelled out. Selina and Jason looked at each other before going up the stairs and seeing Bruce and Y/N balancing on the bannister.

“What’s going on here?” Selina asked.

“Proving that age is no factor in being the best at balance,” Bruce said as he wobbled a little.

“Give up, dinosaur,” Y/N grinned, “your knees will buckle with tiredness soon enough.”

“I’m still spritely enough to be Batman, aren’t I?”

“Don’t mean you can keep up with me,” she teased her father.

“How long have you been doing this?” Jason asked curiously, folding his arms.

“About,” Y/N, shaking, leaned and looked at her watch, “ten minutes. Still time to drop out, Dad.”

“No chance, little lady.”

“Dear Lord,” Selina sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “There’s two of them.”

“Will it really be that bad?” Jason asked.

“Yes.”

“Okay, my legs are killing me now,” Bruce groaned, stepping off back onto the ground.

“Called it,” Y/N cheered, punching the air as she hopping off the banister.

________________________________________________________________

Jason was cleaning his room when Y/N walked into his bedroom. She closed the door behind her and then leaned against it, looking at him.

“Hey, Kitty Cat,” he flashed her a grin as he saw his girlfriend leaning against his door.

“Hey, Jason,” Y/N said, pushing herself from the door and slowly stepping forward. Jason frowned a little at what was happening. Y/N was visibly nervous with a smile that wasn’t really a smile on her lip and a scrunched up forehead.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Jason asked as he threw his dirty clothes in the hamper.

“Erm, this is not going to be good,” she said in a serious voice as she leaned against the end of Jason’s bed. Holding a pillow in his hand, Jason laughed and shook his head, barely glancing at Y/N’s expression.

“Gee, you’re acting like you’re trading me into Don Falcone, what’s up?”

“You’ll love me no matter what right?” Y/N asked looking at Jason and then back to the bedroom door. There wasn’t much time left before it happened.

“Okay, seriously, what’s wrong? I’m worried now.”

“I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen,” Y/N said to Jason.

“Y/N, what have you done?” Jason asked, dropping the things in his hands to the ground and walking up to her.

“You are really not going to like what happens next,” she said. Then the bedroom door flung open.

Harley and Ivy came barrelling into the room and took Jason by either arm, grinning wildly. Y/N sighed and shook her head.

“Y/N/N told us that you and she don’t have outfits for the Gala yet,” Harley drawled, “I and Ivy are here to help ya. We’re going shopping!” She squealed.

“Oh God,” Jason groaned, looking at Y/N, “Shopping? Gala?”

“With Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy,” Y/N added. “I love you very much, Tweety Bird.”

“Do you really?” He asked, exasperated as Harley and Ivy gripped him tighter, “Cause I’m about to go shopping with Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy.”

“I’ll be there too,” Y/N assured him.

“Yeah, we need you to be matchy-matchy!” Harley sang.

“Great, now we’re one of those couples,” Jason sighed as Harley and Ivy dragged him from the room, Y/N trailing after them.

“There is nothing wrong with a matching outfit, Jason,” Ivy scolded him, “don’t worry we won’t allow you to be tacky.”

“Yeah, Tacky ain’t in our nature, lover boy.”

[achieveandhunt]

live typing extra life 2019

warning: this a fucking LONG post. if you plan on reading it all, godspeed.

i typed all of this as it was happening on stream so this gets progressively less coherent as i grow more sleep deprived. prepare yourselves. i may or may not go off topic at some points

larry vehemently vomiting pure malic acid. we’re off to a great start

what the fuck the soggy ass popcorn in that ranch jesus christ

lindsay in the song from AH the musical. i love her so much

jeremy going YAAAAAAY after someone eats a cursed oreo

matt getting AGGRESSIVELY kissed by larry

“this kiss this kiss” before geoff and jack kiss

geoff “i’m from alabama” ramsey

THIS FUCKING RANCH SEGMENT HAS ME GAGGING

jeremy “the alcohol demon the whiskey goblin” dooley

alfredo “you wont believe what the white people did today” diaz

DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS GET THAT DICK ESSENCE

wait why does it sound like wonderwall

they look like characters from the matrix

the speaking parts. make my teeth hurt

in conclusion: they weren’t kidding abt the tight pants 

okay everyone get ready for eric soundboard spamming YEAH BABEY

“hi i’m from broadcast and i don’t want to be here” they represent themselves well

also, let’s take a second to appreciate broadcast here!! they have a really tough job and don’t get a ton of credit. lots of love to all of broadcast!!! you guys are awesome

i am: foreseeing problems with this eric sound board

which one is eric?? will the real eric please stand up?? was the real eric the one we found along the way??

“i’m... just really worried that i won’t ever find love-” “i really don’t care”

WHY DO THEY HAVE THAT ON THE SOUNDBOARD (what does that apply to? whatever it is you’re thinking of, but mostly “daddy wants some”)

ooh someone’s about to get a fReE tongue piercing from a pineapple

god dammit i went to the bathroom for thirty seconds and now they’re eating chad’s chest hair

owie the shock collar and belly slap look painful, but drinking natty light from a shoe? that’s a true punishment

“and this roast was brought to you by meundies”

ah yes what better way is there to end a segment than people throwing up

“man action” oh no

THROBERT MULVEINY

K A R B is blind in T W O of her eyes

“my last name is cottagecheese”

I HAVE A PIECE OF METAL SHOVED UP MY A S S 

chris has somehow managed to lose 23 years of age and roughly 412 pounds

“just open throat like baby bird” who the fuck is writing this and why is it jeremy

jon. jon you’re breathing in adam’s ass fumes

a summary of this segment: ass and cottage cheese

BARB IS HERE I REPEAT BARB IS HERE

“to fitness” -starts choking-

final fitness coach: tad, here to workout your issues so they can beat you into submission

“will you buy my wet” well i don’t see that on the raffle items

we’re back folks & i’m loving this walk around segment

moonball wall and gavin&michael will soon be reunited can we get an F in the chat

jeremy getting a borderlands tattoo is very on brand

what’s extra life without a little satan

“starvation army, putting lead back into paint, increasing childhood obesity” people in chat: TAKE MY MONEY

chris “i’m doing a different hole” demarais

ah yes. the game we all play in hell: twister

nobody edit chris getting mustard shot down his throat. i’m scarred enough from the original clip

oh fuck. oh god. the mayo. oh god what the fuck is up with the misuse of condiments this year

this just in: a human soul costs roughly $12,700

D̷̯͑̆̈́͝Õ̸̲͎̥̬͈̬̙͕̲G̸̢̧̠͉͚̙̲̙̓̔̀̇S̷̥̀́͆̈́̇̀ ̶̣̞̗͚̬̭̖̦͇̈́̎̈́̿̓̈́͆̒̋D̷̙̟̩̫͉̺̐̊̚Ö̶̥́̋́̓ͅĜ̵̞̌͋̏̉̌̕͝͝S̵̤̹̣̫̮̻͛̍̑̕͝͝ ̷̧̨̞̙̥̟̜͍̉̍̑̏̇̀̾D̴̻̮̩̯͓͉̖͎̘͐̒͋̓̉͝ͅỎ̶̰͓̳̥͑̅͛͊̒͐͊͘̚G̵̩̻̦̥̠̃̔Ş̶̹͚̩̱͖̀͆͘ ̸̢̢͇̻͔̗̺̼͖̱̏̾̔̚D̴̨̨̫̙̃̾̋̾̆̓̓Ớ̷̡͓͎͊G̶̱̣̣̰̝̖̰̗̓͐̐̊͋̀͊̀̕͝Ş̷̩̺̬̖͙̺̟͗̈́͒͗̀̑́́̕͠ ̷̡͈̼̲͈̳̫̺̝̈́̋͌͗̒ͅD̸̨̬̞̪̗̘̄̑͆̿̈́͘͠͝O̸̡̡͇͕̻͎͍͉̅̌͗̄͌̑̉̔͂̎Ḡ̸͙̟̪̞̬̬͕͐̈̏S̶̝̪̼̮̠̜̭̳͖̘̑

urine: to help with aerodynamics

jon: maya, speak! maya: *the smallest arwoo*

today’s mvp: any dog. pick one. no matter which you pick, you’re right

how the fuck did blaine change back from satan so quickly

barb as a cat is... my new sleep paralysis demon

blaine: barbara speak! barbara: climate change is real

#dogsforkids

this just in: extra life killed my wifi

we’re back & kdin is in the business of killing people with spice. she is the spice queen

queue six thousand well-timed 1337 donations

HOLY SHIT THAT’S COLIN FROM WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY

hmm “questionable liquids” is very... questionable

trevor: oh there’s four of them! we all get to join in the Fuckkkk

“what’s your favorite kind of candy” “any meat”

i like pickles and i would rather rip my eyebrows off than drink the juice so i feel for trevor

the only thing worse than drinking apple cider vinegar is shooting it out of your nose

“can you feel the love tonight” “i used to and that’s the problem”

“flubs every word man” damn, really missed the chance to say captain hair

jeremy not being able to intentionally flub his words is so fucking funny

OK BOOMER 

wow i can feel my blood pressure spike just watching these shots

Xavier Woods is here and he wants to know if it’s Christmas

miles doesn’t know what a question is

WHERE’S YOUR HAIR

oh no. oh no helping hands is next. everyone clear a splash zone

CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

miles bossing around chef mike is priceless

“you leave that fucking dough on the floor”

“you wanna slam your hands down on the table” *pizza sauce goes flying everywhere*

HOEDOWN HOEDOWN HOEDOWN jesus why do i keep doing that

“If Colin Mochrie is listening, I’ll see you here next year” OH FUCK YEAH

--- this is when i take a break so my soul can return to my body (aka i have work to turn in. college will never not be a pain in my ass) ---

oh god dammit i missed all of Always Open. fuck college who needs a medical degree

so... we have some very interesting things happening in family feud and i’m not sure if i like any of them

hmm. is now the time to get drunk

oily twist feels very... ominous

what do you mean you don’t remember gandalf having a taser in lord of the rings?

someone in the chat said “big stupid sleeping thing is what my parents called me in high school”

i think i’m blacking out what’s going on i don’t remember the past two hours

ah yes. voldemort and snape having a talk show together sounds exactly like something J.K. Rowling would make a spinoff book or show or porno of

can we just talk about how much shit chris has been doing this year? what a guy. what a dude

“coldy with voldy” actually means getting knocked the fuck out cold because you only got three hours of sleep last night and you don’t want to miss chef mike and lindsay cooking

this snape poem is summarized by one phrase: “that was terrible sit the fuck down” (sorry chris)

“let’s destroy a weasley” enter chad

fucking called it

“you smell poor” i need a caffeine drip

heh the wheel spins are at 69 heh nice

i’m a grown ass woman

welcome to a section called: we torture chad for your entertainment

“who wants us to kill weasley?” *massive cheers from the audience*

“wait weasley step away from the wideshot so i can masturbate to this later”

“i’m not gonna rub my eye mom”

oh they’re really gonna kill chad on stream huh

i felt that chest slap in my soul

i think i felt my own ribs crack

oh fucking

tumblr deleted my thoughts on the fanfic section

alright. fine. brief summary: my teeth are burning

my mom lindsay is on next and i’m so excited but i’m nearing the point of loopiness so things will go downhill dramatically from here

this is my fucking fourth extra life, you would think i’d be smart enough to sleep the night before

LINDSAY LINDSAY LINDSAY THAT’S MY MOM

JEREMY JEREMY JERE- wait a second... did jeremy get taller

oH CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

i hope Xavier comes back next year because he’s funny as fuck

m y a t t

oh god the mcdonald’s shade i’m rolling

lindsay “who’s the chef here” jones

chef mike mentioned mayo and i involuntarily gagged

chef mike clowning the big mac. i’m crying

he made the right choice with ryan bc i’ve seen his cooking stream(s) and it’s nothing if not great content

i heARD A MICHAEL JONES

“lindsay you haven’t done anything but warm up cookies so far” “yeah and?? you’re welcome”

you know that classic snack. slightly warm oreos

JEREMY THE LIQUOR GOBLIN DOOLEY IS BACK

oh god him screeching across set is making me cry laughing

why does it remind me of trevor’s voice cracks in the one minecraft ep where they’re singing the lion king

the biggest spoon for the smallest shot glass

i just realized we’re not even halfway through yet and i’m scared for the length of this list i’m gonna end up falling asleep involuntarily at some point

lindsay no your teeth are going to errode from that shot in your mouth

well timed leet donation #1829495

this gorden ramsey bit is so fucking good

jack: what do you think of the arugala? matt: i don’t even know what you said

iT’s NoT jUsT tWo CoOkIeS miCHeAL

jeremy and michael just chillin amidst the choas is exactly my demeanor at any party i’ve ever been to

lindsay scores: ryan = 7 because diet coke, matt = still eating lindsay’s meal so it’s a 10, xavier = also still eating it so it’s an 8. total: 25

“deep fry everything but a remote control”

chef mike scores: ryan = 9 for no death, matt = greens are present, words were said, score is 8. xavier = Gourmet Mcdonald’s, food is edible, score is 8. total: 25

oh fuck it’s a tie

now they fight to the death. death = doing as many shots as possible

i think we’re all going to need liver transplants after tonight

no jesus please don’t vomit oh goD oh fUc k please- oh thank god

okay i’m making a part two this is too much

[aestheticsandwriting]

One-Shot a Day, Day 4: Power Outage. RvB

Day 4: Power Outage. The overnight blizzard has caused a power outage. Thankfully the cabin Tucker, Junior, and Wash are staying in has plenty of firewood and candles, and the three brought plenty of card games and board games to keep them busy. 

“Hey, bud, how long have you been up?” Wash jogs down the stairs, spotting Junior sitting on the couch, doodling in a notebook, blanket draped over his hoodie-clad torso, taking note of the early time; about six-thirty.

“Not too long, but I moved down here to sleep about two this morning. My room got too cold.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty chilly in here. Had breakfast yet?” Wash tries to set the coffee pot going, not thinking about the lack of electricity until it won’t start, sighing and walking back over to the couch, glancing down to see Junior’s dragon drawings. “I’m going to put some more wood in the fire, and then get me some cereal or something. We’ll have to move all our cold and frozen stuff outside at some point today since the fridge isn’t running.”

“Nope, not too hungry right now. Papa Wash?”

“Yeah?” He smiles at the new name.

“Can I help you put the wood in the fireplace? Dad’s never let me cause he says it’s too dangerous.”

“Sure, I’ll let you help with a couple of small pieces. Big pieces can be really hard to put in cause they roll sometimes, but we can do a few smaller ones instead of one or two big ones.”

“Yay! Thanks!” Junior throws his notebook and pencil on the coffee table and scrambles to the small wood stock they laid next to the fireplace the previous night. The blond man knees down, showing the boy how to put the wood into the fireplace safely, using the poker to make sure the wood is back far enough before they close the door again, rinsing their hands and deciding to get some cereal for breakfast, taking the milk outside and setting it on the porch to stay cold.

After washing out their bowls and spoons, Junior looks at his dad’s boyfriend. “Papa Wash?” 

“What’s up?” 

“Will you tell me some stories?”

“What kind of stories do you want to hear?”

“I know you don’t like to talk about some of it, but would you tell me about some of your time as a soldier? I want to know what it’s like to be one.”

“Yeah, I think I can tell you some things. I have some funny stories from basic training.” The two lay down on the couch, Wash throwing his arm over Junior’s torso, wrapping them both up in the blanket. “There was this one time in basic,” a chuckle at the memory, “we had this obstacle course we had to do some days in PT. And one of the sections was kind of like a rope wall thing we had to climb. I was terrible at it. Well, that particular day I got my foot caught in one of the ropes, I just dangled there while everyone else was climbing all around me and I couldn’t get free. I had to re-do the course all by myself in front of everyone after they all finished to make sure I could do it in the right amount of time.”

Forty-five minutes and three stories later Wash pauses, glancing down curiously even though the boy can’t see him. “Why have you become curious about my time as a soldier recently?”

“Oh… well. I just am.”

“Junior… what’s going on? If you’re just curious, that’s fine you can tell me, but is there something else?”

“Well… both you and dad were soldiers, so I thought that you would want me to be one, too.” A pause as the boy fidgets slightly, the older man seeing that he wants to say more, so he stays quiet. “And, I figured I should know as much as possible about what it’s like in the military so that way I don’t disappoint you and dad.” 

“Oh, Junior.” Wash squeezes the boy tight against him. “Your dad and I want you to do whatever you want to do. If you truly want to be in the military, you can go into the military and we’ll both be very proud of you. But if you want to go to school and become a scientist or a veterinarian, or a nurse, or doctor, or if you want to go to trade school to become a mechanic, or welder, or carpenter, then that’s fine too! We want you to do something that you can be happy or content with. Trust me, it is not worth it to be doing a job that you hate if you have other options. You’re a smart person, and both your dad and I agree that we think you could do whatever you want if you set your mind to it.”

“Oh… So you don’t expect me to go into the army?” Junior squirms, turning himself in his step-dad’s arms so he can face him, concern bright in his dark eyes.

“Of course not.” Wash drops a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “Like I said, if you’re just curious about my time as a soldier I’m happy to tell you, and if you want to be a soldier, then your dad and I will be proud of your choice, but that’s not our expectation just because we were both soldiers.”

“Oh… Okay! I like that much better. Cause I was thinking I might want to be an artist.”

“And I think you’d be amazing at it.” 

“Could you tell me some stories about when you were a kid?”

“Did I ever tell you about my cat, Loki?”

“Nope.”

“Ooooh man. We had him back when I was a kid. Loki was always getting into trouble. One time he got stuck in a tree in our backyard.”

“Oh no!”

“Yeah. My mom’s about to call the fire department when dad stops her. Says he’ll handle it. So he sends her inside and gets out his chainsaw. Dad was never a cat person. So he starts to cut down the tree, but it falls the wrong way. Right into the power lines!”

“What happened to Loki?!”

“Poor cat was electrocuted, falls thirty feet out of the air, lands on his feet, and then walks away like nothing ever happened.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah! Another time, we found him in the dryer once ma had finished a load of laundry. And another time we found him in the engine of dad’s truck. That cat lived to be twenty-five years old.” Wash continues, telling him a few more stories of his childhood, Junior giggling as he obviously embellishes a few of them, and that’s how Tucker finds them close to two hours after Wash had come downstairs. 

“Hi, dad!” The boy calls, having stayed in his facing upward position so he could see Wash’s face while he was story-telling, giving him a perfect view of the open landing above.

“Morning, T, nice of you to finally join us.” Wash grins up to where his boyfriend is standing.

“Yeah, I must’ve really needed the sleep. What have you boys been up to?”

“Wash has been telling me about when he was a kid! He had a cat named Loki that could live through anything!” 

“Ooooh, that sounds fun. Have you eaten yet?”

“Yeah, we both had cereal. The milk is already outside to stay cold. I didn’t measure, but it looks like the blizzard last night dropped about two and a half feet of snow, but I turned my phone on to check the forecast quick, and it looks like it’s supposed to start warming up enough tomorrow to melt it. But who knows how long the electricity will be out, so we should probably move the rest of the cold stuff our there and surround it with snow.”

“Oooh, I’ll put my snow clothes on and pack the snow around stuff if you and dad bring it out!”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s let your dad eat breakfast first, though, okay?”

“Okay. Oh, dad! Wash taught me how to put small logs in the fire this morning, too!”

“I hope that’s okay with you? I didn’t let him put in anything too big.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. He’s grown a lot since last year, and I trust your judgment.” Tucker finally descends the stairs, dropping a kiss on his son’s forehead and his boyfriend’s lips before walking into the kitchen, grabbing a pop-tart and heading back into the living room, nudging Wash feet. “Move, lemme sit.”

“That’s pleasant.” The blond grins at him as he moves his feet, plopping them back down on Tucker’s lap after he sits.

After Tucker finishes, the three don their winter clothing, Junior bundled heavier than the two adults, still volunteering to stay outside and surround their food items with the snow to keep them cold. They set to work, carrying the food out and insulating it. 

After that job is done, Tucker sets to work turning on and heating up the gas stove to heat water, dumping in hot chocolate packets once it’s hot enough and passing mugs to his son and boyfriend, picking up his, and then settling on the couch with them again. 

“Dad, Papa Wash?”

“What’s up?”

“Can we play some games? Like Uno, or Clue or something? I’m starting to get bored. Wash and I were gunna play more of the racing game today, but we can’t do that until the power comes back on.”

“Yeah, go pick a game and we’ll play!”

“Yes! Be right back!” Junior hops off the couch, running up the steps to his room where the game bag had been placed, running back down with the whole bag a minute later. “I thought it’d be smarter to just bring the whole bag so I don’t have to go back up when we want to change games.”

The trio spends the afternoon and evening playing various games like Uno, Clue, Sorry, and even a round of The Game of Life before deciding to break for dinner. “Wash, will you go out and grab the stuff out there that we need for the quesadillas? I kept the chicken in here thawing cause those will cook with the gas stove and don’t need the oven since we can’t use it right now.”

“Yeah, sounds good to me.” 

Once Tucker has the ingredients, he sets to work, cutting up the chicken, placing it, cheese, sauce, and beans on tortillas, folding them, wrapping them in foil and placing each of them on a stove burner, keeping a careful eye on them to ensure nothing catches fire as they cook.

“Dinner’s ready, guys,” Tucker calls, carefully pulling back the foil from the last of the quesadillas, setting them on plates for each of the others to grab as they come into the kitchen and dining area. “Hey, Junior, are you going to sleep down here tonight or do you want to bunk in mine and Wash’s room if the power still isn’t back on?”

“I’ll just sleep on the couch. It’s pretty comfy, plus I’m getting too big to be sleeping in the same bed as y’all.”

“Okay, just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”

“Yep! Can we play another game of Clue after dinner?”

“Sure, bud.” 

After dinner, Tucker sets about finding the candles he knows the landlord stores for power outages, lighting them and setting them around so they can see, Wash re-stocking the fireplace with more wood, also grabbing more from the covered woodpile on the deck to bring in for the night, taking some up to his and Tucker’s room, rekindling that fire, too.

After a few more hours of games, and Junior nearly falling asleep during the last game, Sorry this time, Tucker tells his son it’s time for bed and that tomorrow they’ll put the tree up and decorate it weather they have electricity for the lights or not since it’ll be only two days until Christmas. 

The three trudge up the stairs, Junior to put his pajamas on and brush his teeth, Wash and Tucker retreating to their room for the evening, taking a few candles with them for light, making sure Junior has his battery-powered lantern and that all the candles downstairs had been put out and dosed with a slight bit of water for safety. “Come in and tell us goodnight before you head downstairs, J, but make sure you knock first if the door is closed in case we’re still changing.”

“Okay, dad.” Junior’s voice muffles as Wash closes the bedroom door behind them, him and Tucker changing into their pajamas as well, each man throwing on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt, not needed anything heavier due to the fireplace in their room. 

“Goodnight dad, goodnight Papa Wash. I love you both.” Junior walks into the room, his father having opened the door after they finished changing, signaling to the boy he could come in whenever. 

“Goodnight, Junior. I love you, too.” The couple says in unison, Wash hugging him and dropping a kiss to his forehead, before the boy’s father moves to do the same.

“If you wake up cold in the middle of the night cause the fire’s dying, come wake one of us, yeah? I trust you, but I still don’t want you putting in new firewood by yourself, especially not in the middle of the night, okay?”

“Okay, dad, I will.”

“Good. I love you.” He drops a second kiss on his son’s head before Junior turns and walks out of the room, the couple hearing his footsteps fade away down the stairs. 

“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing him call me that.” They each step into the bathroom, brushing their teeth and readying for bed in their normal routine for whenever Wash decides to stay at Tucker’s. “So Junior and I had a talk this morning,” Wash’s voice is soft as the couple crawls under the covers, the dark-skinned man tucking himself into the light-skinned man like normal, and Tucker notes the slight caring concern in the voice that he gets when they talk about an important subject.

“Yeah?” Tucker turns his head enough to make eye contact with his boyfriend. “About what?”

“His future job. He was asking me all sorts of questions about what it was like to be a soldier. At first, I just thought, ‘well, okay, he’s a ten-year-old boy that’s interested in this kind of thing.’ But then he kept asking about things, and when I questioned him about it he told me he thought we would want him to become a soldier because we both were, and he wanted to know what to expect that way he could have plenty of time to be prepared and not disappoint either of us.” A sigh from the younger of the two breaks the silence that had been left by Wash finishing his sentence.

“I wonder where he ever got that idea.” 

“No idea.”

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth.” Wash pauses for a second, internally marveling at how much Tucker truly does trust him with his child; it’s still so hard to believe sometimes. “That we both want him to do something that he can at least be content with, and hopefully happy doing. And that if he truly wants to become a soldier, we’d be proud, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be proud if he does something different. That was okay, right?”

“Yes, Wash, that was wonderful. You did great. You know Junior really does see you as another father, right? He was ecstatic when I asked him what he thought about you moving in with us.” 

“Yeah, I know. I just… Sometimes it doesn’t seem real.”

“I know. Did he say anything about what he might want to do after he found out we don’t expect him to go into the military?”

“He said he might want to be an artist. He’s good at it. I’m sure if he applied that into digital design he could do really well.”

“I bet he could make a killing at that. That or an animator of some kind. But he’s got plenty of time to decide and even change his mind. I can’t believe he’s going to be eleven in a couple months, though.”

“Ugh, stop that, you’re making me feel old.”

“It’s cause you are old.” The younger of the two grins, laughing when Wash playfully slaps him, pretending to be offended.

“Really? Cause I’m pretty sure old guys can’t do this.” The blond slings a leg over Tucker’s waist, straddling the younger man and leaning down to kiss him, grinning when he hears Tucker mumble the word ‘asshole’ against his lips. 

“Yeah, but you chose to have me around.”

“True.” As the word leaves Tucker’s mouth the light from their bathroom, which had been on when the power went out the night before, flicks back on, the heating system almost kicking on due to the thermostat being in the cold hallway, not the room filled with the heat from the fireplace.

“I’m going to go lower that temperature so it doesn’t run too much overnight since we have the fires going.”

“Sounds good. I’d like to not wake up in a puddle of sweat.”

“Agreed.” Wash climbs off Tucker, heading into the hallway, and Tucker stands to turn off the bathroom light, getting back into bed when Wash walks back into the room.

“Come ‘ere Mr. not-so-old guy,” Tucker smirks, kissing Wash again as he climbs into bed. “Let’s get some sleep, I have a feeling we’ll be playing in the snow with J tomorrow.”

“Agreed. Goodnight, Tucker, I love you.”

“I love you too, Wash.”

[fullymechanized-consoomer]

40K factions and you

Space Marines:

Your favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla, but occasionally you might try some Neapolitan, if you’re feeling dangerous. You’re faction’s lore is designed from the ground up to accept your self-inserts, and the models are some of the easiest to paint in the entire range. None of this matters because no matter how unique you think your super-cool “realistic marines who use real tactics maaaaan” are they’ll always come out looking like a slight variation of the ones below

8th edition has finally allowed you to feel a tiny sliver of the unbalanced and over-costed hell other factions have been stuck in for years, but unlike them, daddy GW is more than willing to spend a little extra on his bulky good bois so they still get all the coolest gear and lore. Like vanilla, small children love them, but they grow out of both eventually. 

edit: it was only a matter of time before GW stamped its foot down and made the inevitable decision that its favorite kid needs to be busted again. Then again in all fairness they toned down their overpoweredness from “godlike” to merely “demi-godlike” 

Imperial Guard:

You’re a big “history fan”. You’ve seen Enemy at the Gates, watched some history channel shows about Nazi wonder weapons, and make 54 karma post on r/history_memes recycling debunked Eastern Front jokes. Only your intelligent eye is able to conflate this factions obvious Metal Slug levels of cartoonish design and tactics with realism, and you make sure to remind everyone else of said realism by comparing your tabletop exploits to your military experience in the reserves. Everyone used to like you back when the faction was actually made up of underdogs and under appreciated, but the Guant’s Ghosts references have gotten kinda stale, and no one appreciates the brass balls of these Starship Trooper knockoffs now that 8th edition supports and rewards the very same mindless horde tactics the Guard used to be mocked for in Lore. Despite having some of the most tried and true designs in the game, as well as an incredible amount of options, you will quickly find how limiting the only “realistic” army is in terms of customization and paint schemes, as anything but camo, grey, or tan looks goofy and reveals how silly this faction actually is. 

edit: If your army consists of wrapping 30 guardsmen around basilisks I recommend you take a short fall down a long flight of stairs. Fuck you, Evan.

Eldar:

You’re a real shooter. You know what you like and you stick with it, cause lets face it, it takes a lot of loyalty to stick with these arrogant pricks. Their designs are unique but dated, their lore is a uneven mishmash of 40k grimdark schmultz Tolkien telephone, and Oliver Twist-esque whipping bois for whenever GW writers need to remind us how cool Space Marines are. But none of that matters because you know the truth: Eldar can kick tons of ass on the board, and look good doing it, as their unique designs lends them to all sorts of brilliant color combinations

And unlike other armies their rare design updates improve on their aesthetic while keeping their 40k-ness, something that is becoming increasingly rare in this era of Tacticool marines and Fantasy-creep. Just don’t expect to be taken seriously by anyone but the old-heads.

Edit: Leave it to the whipping bois to be outshined in their own event and get a single model update. Thanks GW, very cool. 

Dark Eldar

You are one of two people: a meta hopping smooth brain who only jumped ship once these guys got one of the best updates in 40k history, or a true intellectual who understood their hidden merit all along. Other faction players like to make fun of you for being edgy, when in reality you know that the Dark Eldar are just a bunch of sociopathic theater kids. They, like you, know how fucked from top to bottom this universe is, and instead of getting depressed they exclaimed “how can we be the best cartoon villains we can be?”. Despite having a relatively bare army list, the fact that these d-bags come in 3 flavors of crazy in a single army offers a ton of variety: the mustache twirling villainy of the Kabals, the crazy bloodstained snuff-stars of the Wych cults, and the BDSM horror show of the Covens. All three offer substantial benefits and drawbacks and must be played carefully in order t- 

Who am I kidding? You’re just gonna stuff  a bunch of Kabal warriors into Venoms and zoom around the map, aren’t you? Enjoy that speed, because your abysmal save stats wont protect you anything more than a furiously thrown walnut. At least your corpses will look rad clad in some of the grimest armor and gear in the game. 

edit: no longer anywhere near as dominent as they were in the earlier years of 8th, but they still look slick as hell and play great. 

Orks

Your IQ randomly jumps from 20 to 200 throughout the day. There is no predicting this, no planning around this, no stopping this. You’re best bet is just to go along with it, and that’s why you play Orks. Orks are roudy good-time buddies who love slapstick slaughter, not having thoughts, and occasionally pulling of cunning plans that human savants would struggle to comprehend. Orks seem to be the only faction that know what joy is, which is why you as a player spread it to everyone else. Yes, the memes and screaming can be a bit much to others sometimes, but like with any other mentally handicapped child  everyone around just grits their teeth through your bad episodes if it means not upsetting your unique sensibilities. And considering that this army’s aesthetic revolves around cobbled together nonsense, you have a lot of uniqueness to give. Orks are easily the most creative faction in the game when it comes to conversions. Nothing is too goofy, too dumb, or too silly to scrap together. As for performance on the tabletop? Go ham. This is an army that rewards merry bullshit and randomness. Remember, you didn’t pick Orks to win, you picked them to have fun. 

edit: So are Orks actually getting anything or what? GW’s plans for this faction is as chaotic as the minds of the ADHD scrambled minds who play them

Necrons

You have a very specific taste in... funky weird-science space Egyptians. Seriously, these guys are practically a completely different army to what they were a decade ago. Gone are the terminator references and eldritch lore nonsense, and here to stay is senility and glyphs. You lie to yourself, saying that you’re not really sure why you chose Necrons, but I know the truth: you chose them because they used to be busted. They used to be unfair. They used to be able to take out top-tier tanks with their version of pea shooters and come back after every turn. So overwhelmed were you by their dazzeling stats and bullshit cheese your brain’s wiring fried and the erratic firing of billions of flayed neurons made you think Necrons had cool lore and interesting models. But now they’ve been nerfed to hell, and you’re no longer stuck in that lasting state of sensory overload. Like a drunk snapping awake with a hangover you come to the painful reality: Necrons are kind of dull. So like me, you put them away in a shoebox forever, leaving their fragile sculpts to slowly fall apart.

Edit: FUCK WHERE IS THE SHOEBOX WHERE DID I LEAVE IT OH GOD OH OH NO OH FUCK THEY’RE ALL BROKEN MAYBE I CAN PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER BEFORE 9th EDITION LAUNCHES I’M SO SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER I NEED YOU, I NEED MY BOOOOOOOOYS!!!

Tau

You will forever be hated by the community unfairly. You are accuse being anime - and this is true - yet the Eldar get away with being copied wholesale from 80′s space anime and no one seems to notice. You are made fun of for your bad melee, despite having one of the most comprehensively designed niches in an otherwise sloppy game and dominating with nearly every edition. You are made fun of for your lore, despite being largely separate from the cliches and story traps that everyone else has fallen into. You are hated because you are different; hated because you are Asian. 

Tau are an anomaly in 40k: a completely new faction that wasn’t directly ripped off of some other franchise and with an aesthetic that is wholly their own. I won’t be making fun of them because they get enough of that, and you don’t deserve it. Just know this dirty secret: Tau outsell almost every other xenos faction, and despite the supposedly unanimous hate are probably one of the strongest factions in terms of play-style and modelling in the franchise. 

Edit: The tau are grittier than ever, happy now? They still do the same thing they have always done anyways.

Chaos

Unlike the DE you actually are edgy. You worship satan, you throw rocks at homeless people, you start fires because your dad doesn’t spank you enough. Chaos are the closest things that this cluster fuck of a universe can get to being the main villains. Their lore is at once intricate and stupid, both childish and metal as hell. You play chaos because getting your fingers pricked by the models’ spikes is the closest you can come to feeling anything anymore. Just like the chaos lore you love to hype yourself up, to puff your chest and revel in the darkness inside, but when confronted you tend to fold like wet tissue paper. You’ve stopped playing public games with these guys, because the other players don’t understand you and abuse the meta and make fun of your painting skills and  everything is so unfair and don’t you think that chaos marines should get buffs for their points cost, fuck?

Edit: The new models are slick and more power-metal minivan than ever, though the rules are still abysmal despite GW desperately wanting everyone to takes these guys seriously for once. 

Sisters of Battle

GW writers and designers hates Catholics and they hate women, so naturally they hate Sister of Battl. They also hate you for playing them. Because of this SoB are a monument to neglected potential. They have one of the best female armor designs in fiction, great lore, and an interesting playstyle that relies on faith/determination based feats of strength and valor... but GW hate Catholics and women, so SoB get shafted everywhere all the time. More often than not you will be disappointed reading about their exploits as they continually get unfairly slaughtered, corrupted into the horny service of the pervert god, or used as receptacles for blood-based paint when the writer’s favorite faction needs to fight demons. With no plastic models in sight for over a decade everyone began to come to the slow and dreadful realization that GW was looking to Squat our favorite estrogen warriors, until a new revamp was announced. Unfortunately the beta rules look as lackluster as ever, but that’s fine, because as a SoB fan you have learned to expect that GW hates you, Catholics, and women. 

Edit: GW found God and got woke because now they love women and Jesus’ one true Church, but let it be known that reformation doesn’t occur overnight, as the SOB’s faces still betray GW’s lingering discomfort in the female form:

Their rules are fun, and if every codex was designed like it 40k might actually be a fun game

Tyranids

nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom no- and that’s it that’s the Tyranids. I don’t know anything about them besides that, and neither do you, cause that’s their lore. Yes they have cool models, but next to no reliable updates. I’ll pray for you.  

Edit: it really looks like GW has just completely forgotten about you poor souls huh? The Night King, a character who is closely associated with the totally-not-reconned-Tyranid-invasion, comes back and not one word about you guys. They don’t even actively hate you like, say, they hate the Eldar. It’s just... apathy. 

Grey Knights

HAHA AHAHAHAHA HA HA UHAHAHA HAHAAHAHAAHAH HAHA ha ha Ah......... he. hehahaaaAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

edit: I hope you all realize that Grey Knights are far too specialized in fighting the permanently under performing forces of chaos to be 40ks “elite among elite.”  You and your entire faction has been made completely obsolescent by the Custodes. The rough times will continue, say hi to the Squats in heaven will you?

Custodes

You are either insufferably full of yourself or a fine practitioner of the model making craft. Most likely though you are neither, and you picked them because you only need gold and red paint to make them look good. Custodes are the space marine’s space marines, and they’re better than you and everyone else. period. At least in lore. On the table their incredible individual stats and elite status are reflected in points cost, so for most large games you will be fielding what amounts to any other faction’s skirmishing army. Unfortunately, since 40k is a stat-sheet battler that favors raw bulk of rolls and stats over the quality of them, you’d be hard-pressed to do well in any serious game. However, for the luminous of mind, the small size is a blessing in disguise since you don’t need to buy and paint as many units as the other armies, and no matter how hard the guard player trashes you his 50 unpainted manlets will never look as good as your 15 gloriously crafted golden Chads. Stick to smaller games, and the individual strength of each model will make up for the glaring absence caused by their loss.

Ironically enough despite being an elite faction from a relatively obscure part of 40k lore, these attributes make Custodes the perfect casual player’s faction. It is my personal theory that if GW didn’t grossly inflate their prices to such a high degree everyone would have a Custodes army. 

Oh yeah, Henry Cavil plays these guys, because of course he does. 

[zrtranscripts]

Season 7, Mission 39: Come Together

Do Or Die

SAM YAO: So this is it. Huge horde of V-types heading for Seaside base, where there are still thousands of civilians. It's all on us.

JODY MARSH: Do or die. Now or never.

AMELIA SPENS: Us against the world. Exciting.

SAM YAO: Amelia! How are you on our channel?

AMELIA SPENS: I've taken the liberty of offering the various heads of settlement temporary safe haven at New Canton. We're very well provisioned and secure. We're having wonderful conversations about free trade, which will, of course, come to nothing if you don't manage to defeat that horde. So I'm going to advise you on our anti-zom tech.

PETER LYNNE: It's nice to be on the same side, Amelia. I haven't forgotten that you were the one who looked after me when no one else would. So did Sage, of course. That's my trademark move. Being cared for by people who turn out to be just a little bit monstrous, like me. Still, I think you’ll do that job, well, really well, actually.

AMELIA SPENS: No idea what you're talking about. So what's the plan, gang?

JANINE DE LUCA: The V-types are extremely intelligent, now there is a huge number of them. They are marching in orderly phalanxes.

JODY MARSH: But every threat is also an opportunity, right?

JANINE DE LUCA: Correct! They are behaving like an army. I know how to fight an army. If we present them with a threat, they must honor that threat.

AMELIA SPENS: Threat, threat. Let's see, what have I got in my bag of tricks? Oh! Brent's pigs, the ones that eat dead flesh. He's donated a sty-ful to the cause. They're to the west. Runner Five, if you release them, that should cause some confusion.

JANINE DE LUCA: Good! That will give us time to evacuate the civilians from Seaside. Go now, Five. Run.

[pigs grunt and squeal]

SAM YAO: Wow. Look at them go, Five. They're sort of majestic. The rippling backs of dozens of pigs heading straight for the V-types, and – yes. The V-type army has diverted toward them. I mean, well, the pigs aren't going to enjoy this, but it should buy us some time.

PETER LYNNE: I'm at Seaside base with a crowd of evacuees. Janine, am I okay to lead them to safety?

JANINE DE LUCA: The horde is heading away from you, Mr. Lynne. Lead your evacuees north, skirting the burn cube ruins, quickly. Runner Four is leading a second group south and west. There are still many people on board the rig, but with luck, we can keep the horde occupied until they escape.

PETER LYNNE: Roger that. On my way.

COLONEL SAGE: I've heard from my people on the rig. They found a device in the latrines which matches the description of the one Jones planted in Abel. They've destroyed it.

SAM YAO: Well, it's a bit late now. Horde's already formed.

JANINE DE LUCA: Nonetheless, it is good to form a picture of what happened here.

COLONEL SAGE: Through knowledge, victory.

SAM YAO: Uh, Janine, look at that on cams. Horde movement. They started heading toward the pigs, but at the top of the horde, a few are turning towards Peter and his evacuees.

JANINE DE LUCA: We have more tricks up our sleeve, as they say. Runner Five, head east to the shore. Run towards the large propeller array now.

SAM YAO: Okay, Five, you're at the propeller array. It looks like, uh, a bunch of huge wind turbines. Are we going to blow the V-types away?

JANINE DE LUCA: The gusts of wind generated would not be strong enough, Mr. Yao. But do you recall some experiments Miss McShell performed on how V-type senses could be confused by a fan? She now suspects the V-type fungus responds to changes in wind speed.

SAM YAO: Ah, at the Aqua Center. I get it! Five, switch on the fans. [fans run] It looks just like the bit in The Crystal Maze where the money swirled around in a big glass tube, except it's leaves, stones, and loose zombie bits swirling around.

JANINE DE LUCA: The great mass of the horde has stopped stock-still. Mr. Lynne, lead your evacuees away from danger.

PETER LYNNE: Gotcha, Janine. We're using the makeshift bridge at Levantin Cliffs. It's only rope, so once we're all over, I'll cut it, and we'll all be safe from the horde. Sorry to cut off a route, but I think -

JANINE DE LUCA: Yes, it is critically important that no V-type bites you.

PETER LYNNE: We don't need anymore P-types, yes. All right. Everyone, over the bridge! That's it.

JANINE DE LUCA: With the horde halted, we have a valuable opportunity to consider what to do next. Miss Spens, I have received your resource list from the settlements, thank you. Colonel Sage, any thoughts?

COLONEL SAGE: I have little to add. I – oh, what's that behind Peter?

PETER LYNNE: Oh damn, it's a V-type. Just the one. Okay, I can hold it off with gunfire while I cross the bridge.

[gunshots]

SAM YAO: You're doing fine, Peter. You just need to stay a few paces ahead of the V-type. You're not far from the bridge. Once you're on the other side, cut the ropes – oh God, what's happening? The V-type's burst a red fungus out of its face and chest. It's holding Peter with its tendrils. Runner Five, you've got to cut him free. Go!

[fungus squelches, knife saws through tendrils]

PETER LYNNE: Thanks, Five. Look at this thing. It's not moving, just rooted into the earth. I couldn't get away from those red tendrils. Just cut through a few more, and I – [shouts]

SAM YAO: Peter, what's happened?

PETER LYNNE: The tendrils around my hand just twisted my bloody little finger off! God, that hurts.

[zombies groan]

SAM YAO: There are more V-types approaching from the south. Five, Peter, get out of there. Rope bridge.

PETER LYNNE: Right, uh, only there are six or seven V-types between me and Five and the bridge now. We can't go that way. It's... it's weird. They're not attacking or following the evacuees. Five, head east with me. Come on.

COLONEL SAGE: Curious. They're extremely intelligent, now. Well, what do they want?

SAM YAO: Look at the screen. Peter's finger, they're passing it around, trying to bite it.

COLONEL SAGE: But it's not working. They're throwing it away in disgust.

PETER LYNNE: Oh, right. I get it. Oh, of course.

AMELIA SPENS: Do you want to clue the rest of us in? Anything you've been doing with your finger you need to confess?

PETER LYNNE: The zoms didn't divert to follow the evacuees. They diverted to follow me. Don't you see? They want to absorb me, become invulnerable. That's why they're here!

SAM YAO: Sorry, what? How could they possibly know that?

PETER LYNNE: Remember the V-type watching me on Sigrid's island? You saw it, Five. And the zom watching me in the forest, the one that just turned to walk away? This – this whole thing. They're here for me!

AMELIA SPENS: This is narcissism. As a narcissist, I should know.

COLONEL SAGE: No, you may be right, Peter. I've researched dispersed intelligence. I believe the horde could grow that intelligent. Veronica's research on the nanites and the V-type confirms it.

AMELIA SPENS: Just a second. How do you have Veronica's research?

COLONEL SAGE: My drone retrieved her computer core, along with a sample of the goo, before triggering her self-destruct.

SAM YAO: Hold on. You did what? Your "I did everything for the sake of order" schtick is looking a bit dicey now.

COLONEL SAGE: I have made many errors. I expect to pay for them. But for now, if the V-types are following Peter, then they are intelligent enough to prioritize a high-value target over everything else. They wanted to hold Peter, not to bite him, lest they killed him, I suspect. They're probing us. But that intelligence may be their weakness.

PETER LYNNE: You're going to suggest using me as bait, aren't you?

AMELIA SPENS: I mean, it's not a terrible idea.

COLONEL SAGE: It's our only chance. Peter, keep running south. Five, divert to the fungicide store on the shore. Run!

JODY MARSH: All right, I've joined up with Peter's party of refugees. We're heading away from the burn cube site, and no V-types in pursuit.

SAM YAO: Yeah. If they're after Peter, everyone on the rig is safe for now. I mean, if this plan works.

JANINE DE LUCA: It is our best strategy. We have one burn cube left, the one I have on my person. These weapons are unreliable, but if Mr. Lynne funnels the V-types into one area, we may be able to destroy them all.

PETER LYNNE: I'm still running with about a thousand V-types behind me.

JANINE DE LUCA: We will have only one chance to make this work. There is a secluded cave off an inlet further south down the coast. Mr. Lynne, I will meet you and give you the burn cube at the entrance to the inlet. You will plant it in the cave and retreat through the tunnels in the cliff to safety.

COLONEL SAGE: No, I will take the burn cube and meet Peter. It's my responsibility.

JANINE DE LUCA: Very well.

JODY MARSH: This is so dodgy. How do we make sure all the V-types run in the same direction following Peter? What if some take a short cut? We can't afford even one to bite him.

JANINE DE LUCA: Five, this is on you. You are at the fungicide store now. Take two canisters and run to the sprinkler system along the shoreline. Go!

SAM YAO: All right, Five. You're at the sprinkler system. Just open that valve, and pour the fungicide in.

[liquid splashes]

PETER LYNNE: Oh, this had better work. I can see V-types headed up towards the cliffs now. I'll have no escape route if they're waiting there.

SAM YAO: It'll work. Five, turn on the sprinklers. [liquid sprays] There! Oh, that's beautiful, Five! That stuff won't kill the V-types, but they don't like it. They're diverting around the fields. Peter, that'll give you three or four minutes when they can't see you. You can head into the cave, drop the burn cube, and get out of there.

PETER LYNNE: And here's my date for the night! Hello Colonel, and hello burn cube. We must stop meeting like this.

COLONEL SAGE: Peter, you have been very brave.

PETER LYNNE: Well, just can't stop being heroic. Give me the burn cube.

COLONEL SAGE: That's not how this is going to go.

PETER LYNNE: Sorry, but those V-types love me. It's a lot for a boy to bear, but they just can't get enough.

COLONEL SAGE: You're not planning to escape through the cliffs. The burn cube can't just be left in the cave. The safest way is for someone to hold it, to trigger it when the cave is full of zoms. We both know it.

PETER LYNNE: And?

COLONEL SAGE: The V-types are out of sight. Give me your jacket. It's covered in blood from where your finger was wrenched off. It will be enough to fool them for a few moments.

PETER LYNNE: God, can't anyone let me die a bloody hero?

COLONEL SAGE: I think there's another way for you. My drone retrieved Veronica's nanite research for you, Peter. We've had some excellent scientists working on the rig. We have a cure for your immortality. I didn't want to tell you until we were sure, but now we're certain.

PETER LYNNE: You... you did that... for me?

COLONEL SAGE: Yes. And I will do this for you, too. Jump into the sea. I will take the burn cube. You're not the only one who wants to die a hero. And you... you are the proof that I was right. Chaos can become order. It has happened in you. [zombies groan] There's no time to argue now, Peter. Go to the rig. Become a human again. Live a good life. Let me undo what I have done.

PETER LYNNE: I... I – I don't know how to thank you.

[water splashes]

SAM YAO: Five, Peter's dived into the sea. Sage has the burn cube, and – yes! The V-types are following him into the cave. Get out of there. Head for the rig. Janine's coming to meet you. Now, go!

COLONEL SAGE: Are they all here? Sam, is it time?

SAM YAO: The last V-type is in the cave.

COLONEL SAGE: They're searching the cave for me. They can smell the blood. This is my time. It's good to... to put this thing right. I believe the best parts of my work will live on.

JANINE DE LUCA: Thank you, Colonel. This is the right choice.

[device arms, explosion, water rushes]

PETER LYNNE: I'm, uh... I'm on the shore. The side of the cliff has melted off and fallen into the sea. I'll – I'll come onto the rig in a moment, Five. He did it for me. To save me. I... I never thought that that was something anyone would do. To go in – in my place. I...

JANINE DE LUCA: He did it for himself, too. To expiate what he had begun. The V-type horde Jones summoned is destroyed. Any remaining V-types will be little threat for now.

PETER LYNNE: So all we have to do now is find Jones, and this is over.

[engine rumbles]

SAM YAO: Uh, guys. The rig. It's moving. It's heading out to sea.

PETER LYNNE: Oh God, I can't reach it in time.

[speaker squeals]

JONES: Abel runners, I've had time to think this over, and I understand what I'm meant to do. You're all dead now. I know where the sample of the indestructible zombie is. I'm going to infect everyone on this rig with it. You destroyed order. Now have chaos!

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Canadian Girl

Chapter Five

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC  |  Word Count: 2699 Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Stereotyping of Canadians (I'm allowed, I am one)

Four weeks went by. In that time Kennedy finally cracked it, mostly thanks to Steven. His disappearance had driven her to focus harder on her work just to keep her mind occupied. It wanted to drift back to the kitchen. To the conversation they were having. To the kiss they had shared. She didn’t know what to think.

Did she like Steven? Certainly. Quite a lot actually. He was someone she could very easily tumble headlong into love with. He was sweet, seemed to have a decent sense of humour. He certainly wasn’t hard to look at. But, he always seemed to evade her questions. She knew only his first name, that he worked here, but not where or how, or in what capacity. And, holy crap, he was so far out of her league it was like a t-ballplayer versus a major leaguer.

It was frustrating, to say the least. All these unknowns made her anxious. Still, it had caused her to throw herself into her work and, low and behold, she’d done it. She’d figured it out. The serum was no longer a mystery.

At two in the morning on a snowy Sunday in November, Kennedy threw her arms up like she’d just made a touchdown, and gave a joyous shout. It called for a celebration.

She’d skipped down to the kitchen for her go to. It was a bit bittersweet after the last time she’d had poutine, but she wasn’t going to let her conflicting emotions over Steven taint her favourite thing besides Stampede and Don Cherry’s blazers.

Everything came together with speed and efficiency. She was just pulling the perfect golden fries out of the oven when a presence in the room made her stand up and turn quickly around. The redhead lounging there had a way about her that had Kennedy taking a tighter grip on the hot tray. “Can I help you?”

A smile flitted over the redhead’s face. “So, you’re the one.”

“The one what?” Kennedy muttered.

“Are you making that stuff Steve’s been raving about? The poo-teen,” she asked, eyeing the tray of fries.

She knew Steven? Relaxing slightly, Kennedy nodded. “It’s poutine, and yes. I’m celebrating.”

“Celebrating what?” she asked, taking a seat at the table.

Apparently, she wasn’t leaving.

Kennedy decided to just go with the flow. Here, however, was a woman that looked like she belonged with Steve. Sleek, svelte, and incredibly fit. Kennedy felt fat just being in the same room with her. “I did it. Finished my project.”

“Good for you, Doc!” the woman said, excitedly.

“Thanks!” Kennedy smiled as she dumped the fries in the bowl. “It was so simple. I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier!” A scramble at the door had her turning to see a tall, broad, dark-haired man walk through and glare at the redhead.

“I can’t believe you. He’s going to kick your ass when he finds you down here,” he growled at the woman.

“You worry too much.” The redhead flicked her fingers in dismissal. “Besides, you’re here too.”

“Uh, hi?” Kennedy murmured, backing towards the fridge.

Reaching inside for the cheese curd, she had a strange feeling she shouldn’t turn her back on him. She’d thought Steven was a big guy, but this one seemed even larger, somehow more... lethal.

“How you doing, doll?” he grinned, giving her a nod before his eyes fell to the table. “Is that the stuff?”

“Yup! Kennedy’s going to share. Aren’t you, Kennedy?” the redhead cooed.

Kennedy looked between the two strangers at the table. “Sure?” What the hell was going on in her lab?

“She’s celebrating.” The redhead said. “She cracked the serum.”

“Really?” His dark blue eyes swung to her.

Kennedy froze. “Yes?”

“Are you asking or tellin’, doll face?” he chuckled.

Frowning, she dumped the cheese on top of the fries. “Keep it up, buddy. I don’t have to share.”

“Rude. Thought you Canadians were all polite and shit?” he smirked.

“Nah, man. Haven’t you seen them play hockey?” The black man chuckled, coming through the door, nodding Kennedy’s direction. “Them dudes are bat crap crazy. Don’t know why you Canuks even have an army. Just send a few of your goons over and be all, the bad guys have the puck!” he crowed in a falsetto voice.

Pointing a finger at the laughing man, Kennedy snapped, “Hey! Talk like that gets you banned from the poutine! Hockey is awesome, and my boys will whoop your ass any day of the week.”

“That’s some big talk for a girl,” he teased.

Stalking up to him, Kennedy got right in his face. Jamming a finger in his chest, she snarled, “Look, buddy, I don’t know who the heck you think you are, but strap on some skates, boy, and I’ll show you what this girl can do! I have three brothers, and hockey is right up there with Jesus for my dad. Don’t make me cross check your fudged up ass into no boards.”

He held up his hands, took a step back.

She nodded. “Hm, didn’t think so.”

“She really doesn’t swear,” the redhead snickered softly to the brunette.

“Except for ass, apparently,” he chuckled.

“Like I told Steven, ass is no different than crap. Neither is a swear. Shit pushes the line, but otherwise I save the big words for important or special occasions,” Kennedy grumbled, stirring the gravy a final time before turning back to the table.

“Steven?” The brunette pinched his lips together to keep from laughing. “I haven’t heard anyone call him that since his mom…” he cleared his throat. “Since before she passed on.”

Kennedy paused, she’d figured he’d lost his family. This was just confirmation. Turning towards the table with the hot pot, she dumped the gravy over the mess and went to chuck it in the sink. When she turned back, they were all staring at the bowl like it would bite them.

“Really?” She shook her head and plunked herself down at the table. “Forks are for wusses, just dig in.”

The first tentative mouthfuls went down, and she grinned like a maniac when all of them just attacked the bowl. It was quite funny to watch. Out of the three of them, the woman was most aggressive, having no qualms about snagging food from beneath the fingers of the other two. No matter how they protested.

She was just about to ask for names, because, clearly, none of them knew how to introduce themselves when all three froze like an alarm she couldn’t hear had gone off.

“What the hell are you doing down here?”

The coldness of that voice made her jolt. Coming to her feet, she gasped, “Steven?”

“Kennedy, I’m sorry about this,” he waved at the three at the table.

“Why? They’re okay.” A little intimidating at first but friendly enough. “That one tried to get all up in my stuff about hockey, but otherwise they’re fine.” She waved at the black man who looked sheepish when Steve glared at him.

“Still, they didn’t need to come down here and bug you while you’re working. Or steal what was likely your snack.”

“She offered to share,” the woman said with a grin, patting her belly.

“Yeah, lighten up there, pal,” drawled the brunette, grinning unrepentantly.

The black man stuffed another mouthful in, muttering, “No harm done, Cap.”

Kennedy froze.

Cap… Cap… Why was that familiar?

The lightbulb went off, and it was a floodlight so large it had her inhaling sharply.

“Cap, as in Captain? Captain Steve Rogers.” She looked up at Steven as the others froze.

From the corner of her eye, she caught the one who could only be Bucky Barnes, the metal of his vibranium arm covered and his hand gloved, smacking what had to be Sam Wilson in the back of the head. Natasha Romanoff was the woman, and, standing before her, bigger than life, was Captain America himself.

Steve freaking Rogers.

“Wow,” she said, shaking her head. “Wow, I am so, so dumb.” Backing away from the table Kennedy brought her hands to her face.

“Kennedy…” Steve said, reaching for her.

Jerking away, she held up her hand. “Wow!” She laughed at herself, the sound one of despair, ignoring how it hitched like a sob. “It’s been a really long time since anyone’s made me feel this, this… stupid. Well done, Captain.”

“Kennedy that was never my intention.” Steve stepped towards her again.

She stepped back. “Then what was? You knew I didn’t know who you were, yet you let me ramble on about what I think of the Avengers, Mr. Stark, the super soldier serum.” Snippets of their last conversation kept coming back, and she snapped her head up to glare at him. “Is this why you asked if I read the papers or had a TV? Were you hoping to keep me in the dark? Keep this charade of yours going?”

“Hey, now. That ain’t fair, doll,” Bucky said, coming to his feet with the rest of the team.

“You sit down,” Kennedy snapped, “Just because I haven’t nipped anything’s balls off in the last few years doesn’t mean I don’t remember how.”

“Kennedy! If you want to be mad, then be mad at me! They had nothing to do with it!”

“Oh, I’m mad, Steven! I’m fucking pissed!” Marching up to him, she slammed her palm against his chest and was annoyed when he didn’t even rock a little. “Was this all some game? Was it? See how long you could string Kennedy along before she figured it out?”

“No! Never!” He shook his head forcefully. “It was nice to talk to someone who didn’t treat me different because I was Cap. Spending time with you was fun. Have you tell me little side notes about your life because you were comfortable with me. I liked you. You were different and interesting. But you’re afraid of guns, were worried about meeting my friends, and I was afraid if you found out who I really was, you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

She stared at him for a full ten seconds before she exploded. “Jesus, Steven!”

Scrubbing her hands over her hair, she gritted her teeth together. Then, Kennedy did something foolish. She snatched the pistol off his hip.

“Kennedy? Put the gun down, doll,” Steve said cautiously, holding up his hand when the others tensed.

They all went on alert, and she huffed out an exasperated breath. “Oh, for fuck sake! I’m not going to shoot him. That really would be stupid.”

Rolling her eyes, Kennedy broke the pistol down in seconds, throwing all the parts on the countertop. They stared at her with their mouths open, but she only glared at Cap.

“I didn’t say I was afraid of them. I said I dislike guns, Steven, but that’s not because they make me uncomfortable. I come from a family that hunts. I can gut a deer or skin a rabbit with the best of them. I just prefer not to. And yeah, maybe I was worried about meeting your friends, but did you ever even once stop to think that it’s because I have issues with self-confidence? That it’s because I look at a woman like her,” she pointed at Natasha, “Who’s the embodiment of what every woman has always been told their entire lives is the epitome of female beauty, and feel inadequate about myself? That I look at you, Captain freaking America, and think there is no way, no way in hell I would ever be good enough for you. That she’s who someone like you belongs with? Did you even think at all, Steven?”

Throwing up her hands, Kennedy stalked towards the door, thoroughly exhausted and embarrassed. “You could have trusted me, Cap. You could have told me the truth four weeks ago and, yeah, I may have wigged out a little. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? The man I’ve come to know, like and respect has been keeping one hell of a secret. But I’d have come around because I thought you were sweet and so nice and funny. A good guy and for some crazy reason, you seemed to like me.” She held up her hands when he shifted toward her. “You kept coming back. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what you wanted. Why you just kept popping up. Couldn’t even fathom it until you kissed me that, oh my God, he might actually have those kinds of feelings for me.”

She’d been gesturing wildly with her hands and finally just sank them into her hair, giving it a sharp tug to help her release some frustration. Taking a shaky breath, she let them fall to her sides. “I’ve spent the last four weeks playing devil’s advocate with my own brain cause I thought, maybe, just maybe, I’d found a real special guy who could look at all my flaws, and like me anyway. I guess that genius IQ of mine means nothing after all. I really am… stupid.” Stupid… she’s been told that before….

“Kennedy, I don’t… that’s not true,” he said, pain coating his features.

“You played me, Captain Rogers. You’ve been playing me all along. Tell Stark I finished it. The serum’s been deciphered, and the formula’s on my hard drive. I’m going home.” Turning on her heel, she walked away before he broke her heart into even smaller pieces.

***

She had sounded utterly defeated.

It killed Steve to know he’d been the cause of that sound. Silence hung over the kitchen after she was gone before he sat down hard in a chair, dropping his head to his hands.

She was wrong, but not entirely wrong.

He hadn’t trusted her with who he really was. She’d been nothing but honest in their interactions. He was the one who’d lied. Even if it was by omission.

“Wow, she swore at you. That makes you special,” Natasha said. “And she called me beautiful. I like her. Go get her back.”

“Shut up, Natasha,” Steve sighed. “I’m so screwed.” His forehead thunked down on the table top.

“Yup,” Sam agreed, running his finger around the inside of the bowl of tasty fry goodness.

“Wilson, you’re partnered with Scott for eternity,” Steve said. “Just had to go and call me Cap.”

“What!? Ah, man. That’s like working with an overexcited puppy someone has fed caffeine,” Sam groaned.

Bucky dropped his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Go after her.”

“She hates me.”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Wow, some pep talk.”

During the last mission, Natasha had finally had enough of wondering why he was checking his phone and receiving updates none of the rest of them were getting. She’d wrangled Bucky into stealing it, playing a round of keep-away with it until she'd had a chance to read a few of the updates on Kennedy. It had been impossible to keep her a secret after that, and he had to admit, he'd gushed like a damn fool when he'd fessed up.

“Look, pal, you should have told her weeks ago. Definitely, before you kissed her, which, by the way, you failed to mention. She’s got every right to be mad and hurt because you didn’t. But you have every right to have her get to know you without preconceived notions. We don’t get a lot of anonymity anymore, so I get why you kept it a secret. Go and talk to her. Make her understand.”

“Buck,” Steve sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face.

“I ain’t seen you as happy as you’ve been these last months every time you’ve come back from seeing Kennedy. You really like her, punk. So go tell her the truth.” Bucky squeezed his shoulder.

Steve looked up at the others, got nods of encouragement from all of them. “Alright. First thing tomorrow.”

Snickering softly, Nat poked him in the shoulder. “I can’t believe you let a civilian steal your gun.”

Sighing, Steve laid his head back on the table. “Shut up, Natasha.” He was never going to hear the end of that, he was certain.

Next Chapter

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 4

The game of the week screams off the page but there are plenty of actually decent footballs happening on this here beautiful final Saturday of the summer.

Let’s see if I have the mental fortitude to write even a single word for each game, good or not. What the hell does good have to do with degeneracy, anyway?

Times are Eastern, schedule is stolen from FBSchedules and odds are ripped from Vegas Insider.

Saturday, September 21

Matchup                                                          Time (ET)          TV/Mobile

11 Michigan at 13 Wisconsin                         12:00pm              FOX

You can throw out the rankings when these teams play because neither one of them has any business being ranked this highly! One of these teams will be basically out of the running for the playoffs by the time this is over. Everybody expects Michigan because Wisconsin hasn’t allowed a point this year and Michigan has mostly sucked so far in both of their games but this is the perfect place for a shitty Wolverines team to start tricking people. Wisconsin is up 110-0 on teams that are made of sawdust. Michigan is at least particle board, if not sterner. Wolverines +3, under 44.5.

Michigan State at Northwestern                    12:00pm               ABC

With an o/u a hilarious 36.5 I wouldn’t turn to this piece of shit if every single person on twitter were cryptically sending out tweets like “MICHIGAN!” and “nooooooooo” and “asdjseskrjhjsdbf” and “THERE’S STILL A WHOLE QUARTER LEFT!” You aren’t fooling me.

Western Michigan at Syracuse                       12:00pm             ACCN

What the hell is this ACCN thing, anyway? It’s just an ESPN skin but it’s got like 2% market penetration. At times like noon, September 21st, 2019, we can all be thankful for the unlikelihood of accidentally switching to ACCN while searching for football to gamble on.

ULM at Iowa State                                            12:00pm               FS1

Louisiana-Monroe is a real dark horse contender for the Big XII title.

UConn at Indiana                                              12:00pm               BTN

Webster’s dictionary defines the word “torture” as...

Tennessee at 9 Florida                                     12:00pm             ESPN

I’ve had this weird premonition all week that Florida is totally going to fuck this up. On the one hand, the Gators should score more than 14 on defense. On the other hand, they should give up some points on offense. On the third hand, Tennessee is in a very bad place as a football program. Vols +14, under 49. But don’t put more than $1.50 on any of it.

Southern Miss at 2 Alabama                            12:00pm              ESPN2

Do people bet a lot on Bama games? Nick Saban seems to willfully undercut gamblers every week. The Tide are easily 39 points better than Southern Miss but they could realistically sit on a 24-0 lead for the entire second half.

Boston College at Rutgers                               12:00pm                BTN

BC just lost to Kansas by 24 and here they are favored by 8 the next week. Rutgers is probably really that bad but that still seems impossible. 32 points worse than Kansas? NAIA schools aren’t 32 points worse than Kansas.

23 California at Mississippi                              12:00pm              ESPNU

Don’t look now but 6 Pac teams were ranked in the top 25 this week. Rather, go look now. No way that lasts. Never trust a west coast team heading east for an early kickoff.

Elon at Wake Forest                                           12:00pm               RSN

Wake Forest sucks but nobody sucks more than Elon Musk.

4 LSU at Vanderbilt                                             12:00pm             SECN

Some things you can count on. One of them is LSU’s football team never making a goddamn lick of sense in any context.

Morgan State at Army                                         12:00pm            CBSSN

The Troops have a -49 point line as I write this but apparently every other betting option is off the books? Not sure how that works but it’s probably illegal.

 Coastal Carolina at UMass                                1:00pm       FloSports / NESN

There needs to be better vetting before allowing teams to just move up to FBS status. This is horrible.

Louisiana at Ohio                                                 2:00pm            ESPN+

This is a very tiny step up from the 1pm game. Ohio has been a mess so take the Ragin Cajuns on the road +3.

CCSU at Eastern Michigan                                 3:00pm             ESPN3

There is no watchin this one up, either, so find other things to amuse you. Like gambling or day drinking.

Troy at Akron                                                        3:00pm            ESPN+

Finally we get that magical intersection of stupid, useless, and entertaining and it’s a goddamn ESPN+ game. For shame. SHAAAAAAME!!!!

Louisville at Florida State                                    3:30pm            ESPN

Did FSU’s big comeback last week wake the ghosts and get Willie Taggert on track in Tallahassee? Probably not. What little I’ve watched of these two has me thinking Louisville is a straight up better team than FSU so my advice would be to take the Cardinals +6.5 but that’s right there on the line. Don’t think twice.

South Alabama at UAB                                        3:30pm            NFLN

The Iron Bowl, Jr.! UAB -11 seems like pretty good value but you CAN THROW OUT THE RECORDS WHEN THESE TWO PLAY! A fun game to play if you watch this one is to see what fanbase is best represented in the crowd: UAB, USA, Bama or Auburn. Roll damn Tide.

Temple at Buffalo                                                  3:30pm          ESPNU

This seems like a conference rivalry but it isn’t. That’s all.

15 UCF at Pitt                                                       3:30pm   ABC/ESPN2 (RM)

I saw UCF mentioned as a legitimate top 5 team this week so I’m expecting them to lose. If Pitt wears their sweet yellow helmets I especially expect UCF to lose. So load up on UCF -11 because I am a fucking idiot. Book it.

22 Washington at BYU                                        3:30pm    ABC/ESPN2 (RM)

Poor, sweet UDub. What might have been? Probably nothing but what will be is definitely nothing. BYU is sure to follow up their big upset of USC with a belly flop.

Wyoming at Tulsa                                                 3:30pm         CBSSN

O/u has moved up to 46.5 but that still seems low to me. Very appropriate CBS SN fare here. This is just good watchin’.

Miami (Ohio) at 6 Ohio State                                3:30pm            BTN

I don’t want to be a true believer in Chase Young or Justin Fields. I need to stick to my traditional hate Ohio State stance because any time I’ve flirted with liking a player on their team it has ended in heart break.

SMU at 25 TCU                                                       3:30pm            FS1

SMU has looked better than a dead fish so far this year. I’m kind of intrigued in this game as entertainment. I don’t want to pin expectations on it but I might hang around for a quarter or so.

Bowling Green at Kent State                                 3:30pm          ESPN3

Here comes the MAC to ruin my good mood.

Appalachian State at North Carolina                     3:30pm          RSN

And here’s Mack to ruin my good mood even more.

8 Auburn at 17 Texas A&M                                      3:30pm          CBS

Just the words Auburn and Texas A&M next to each other promises a level of psychosis that will be tough to live up to. I hope you’ve got a defibrillator nearby if you take it upon yourself to place bets on this game.

Kentucky at Mississippi State                                 4:00pm        SECN

I think this is the entertaining side of S!E!C!

South Carolina at Missouri                                      4:00pm       SECN Alt.

And this is dark, depressing, unwatchable side of S!E!C!

Central Michigan at Miami (FL)                                4:00pm        ��ACCN

Once upon a time there was a small, slow, relatively unathletic wide receiver from Miami who went to Central Michigan and became a huge star, one of the best in the NFL, a Madden cover boy, probably a serial rapist who is now unemployable even though he’s still one of the best football players on the planet. Where am I going with this? Oh, yeah, don’t move to Pittsburgh.

West Virginia at Kansas                                            4:30pm          ESPN+

What if Kansas wins again? Does Les Miles sign a fully guaranteed 25-year extension and then immediately retire?

New Mexico State at New Mexico                             4:30pm         ATTSN

That’s some rivalry game you’ve got there. Would be a shame if it happened at the end of the season instead of the middle of September. What the fuck is this game doing on September 20th? What are these two teams planning that’s so important at the end of November?

William & Mary at East Carolina                                6:00pm         ESPN3

Has William & Mary always used “Tribe” for their team monikers? I definitely should have noticed that before now. That’s really kind of gross and weird. Anyway, I don’t see any betting info for this game but if you’re looking for a FCS -over-FBS upset for this week, this is the one for you.

Hampton at Liberty                                                      6:00pm         ESPN+

Liberty’s football team only went to FBS because Jerry Falwell, Jr. made a promise to a young man in a locker room and the younger Falwell is a man of his word when it comes to young men in locker rooms. Allegedly.

Wagner at Florida Atlantic                                           6:00pm        ESPN+

Wagner “Seahawks” is a missed opportunity so obvious I don’t think it needs to be spelled out. Prove me wrong.

Ball State at NC State                                                    7:00pm       ESPNU

I always think of Marvin Gaye when I see Ball State. And for the last couple of years every time I think of Marvin Gaye I think about rumors that he was a serial killer. I don’t believe every rumor I hear about rich and/or famous people but I do believe most of them. NC State -19.5 is a pretty solid bet if I get to use your money for it.

16 Oregon at Stanford                                                   7:00pm        ESPN

I don’t want to sell myself as some kind of Pac-12 expert but I absolutely expect Stanford to win this game by 30 because it is exactly the kind of thing that happens in Pac-12 football.

Baylor at Rice                                                                 7:00pm       CBSSN

Baylor out here sullying the good name of CBS Sports. It’s like finding out Matt Groening was a passenger on the Lolita Express.

Old Dominion at 21 Virginia                                          7:00pm        ESPN2

I know it’s ODU but Virginia winning by 27 seems like a dodgy concept against literally any team in the country. UVA has a decent shot at going 12-0 and losing the ACCCG by 100.

Southern Illinois at Arkansas State                              7:00pm        ESPN3

If you asked me once a week every week for the next 52 weeks if Southern Illinois is a D-1A school or not I would be wrong more often than not. It turns out they aren’t in the MAC at all.

Georgia State at Texas State                                         7:00pm         ESPN+

Get rid of FCS and make a real college football playoffs, you cowards! Isn’t a game like this between two FBS level programs mockery enough? How much more degradation can the product withstand before you have to give up the ruse and pay the players?

Charlotte at 1 Clemson                                                  7:30pm         ACCN

Charlotte’s odds of winning the Coastal are as good as anybody’s.

UTSA at North Texas                                                      7:30pm     Facebook

utsa-unt utsa-unt utsa-unt. There! Now you’re beatboxing!

San Jose State at Arkansas                                           7:30pm        SECN

Bad west coast team going east to play a bad SEC team in the evening. Hmm. Not sure the rules here.

Oklahoma State at 12 Texas                                           7:30pm          ABC

Chuba Hubbard is gonna get his Heisman moment tonight. I can feel it.

Nevada at UTEP                                                               8:00pm      ESPN3

The dark heart of football degeneracy is still beating. MWC and CUSA linking back up for a game only the most stupid among us can love. And I am as stupid as they come.

Nebraska at Illinois                                                           8:00pm       BTN

I told you ranking Nebraska was a mistake. I don’t think I needed to but it’s still worth noting that I did.

7 Notre Dame at 3 Georgia                                               8:00pm       CBS

This is only the third all time meeting between Notre Dame and UGA. The line for this one is up to 14.5 but both previous meetings were decided by one score or less. That’s not necessarily relevant to this matchup but Georgia -14.5 still seems crazy to me even though I hope they win by 58.

Colorado at 24 Arizona State                                     10:00pm     Pac-12N

The first rule of Pac-12 after dark is betting on a Pac-12 after dark game is a terrible idea. That’s probably the only rule.

Sacramento State at Fresno State                             10:00pm     Facebook

A game that belongs on facebook. Maybe only on facebook. Why waste money on upkeep for stands and press boxes?

Toledo at Colorado State                                             10:15pm       ESPN2

I will for sure be torn away from the TV but this late run of weird matchups in style and uniforms is exactly what I love about college football and it will just keep getting better the deeper we get into the night.

Utah State at San Diego State                                     10:30pm      CBSSN

This is my entire brand explicated. A potential first round QB playing against San Diego State until 2am east coast time on CBS Sports? Be still my heart.

UCLA at 19 Washington State                                     10:30pm       ESPN

And the marquee late game is Mike Leach and Chip Kelly in a seemingly very lopsided matchup. Run it up, you stupid boomer pirate.

Central Arkansas at Hawaii                              11:59pm  Spectrum / Facebook

A great night of degenerate football only truly ends with a Hawaii home game. On facebook? Sure. Facebook should make one of those stupid little handheld black & white TVs that only receives facebook sports broadcasts. I would probably buy one just to watch Hawaii on the smallest screen possible.

[secondsightcinema]

All Twisted Up Inside: Arthur Kennedy and Frank Sinatra in Some Came Running (1958)

This is about Kennedy’s performance in Some Came Running (1958), directed by Vincente Minnelli. Kennedy scored his fourth Best Supporting Actor nomination for his portrayal of Frank Hirsh, the embodiment of small-town small-mindedness and hypocrisy. 

I am thrilled to be writing this as part of the Arthur Kennedy’s Conquest of the Screen Blogathon, hosted by Virginie at Wonderful World of Cinema, and today is Kennedy’s 105th birthday, which makes the celebrating all the sweeter.

Some Came Running was adapted from James Jones’s second novel. The first Hollywood adaptation of Jones, From Here to Eternity (1953), had been the vehicle for Sinatra’s comeback, and had won him a Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Minnelli writes a little bit about it in his memoir, I Remember It Well, but he doesn’t mention Kennedy.    If you’re not familiar with the movie and want a plot synopsis, here you go.

I’m going to look at the movie, its themes, and how Kennedy’s character Frank fit into the bigger picture.

Some Came Running was Jones’s sophomore effort, and it took him seven years and 1,200 pages to say what he felt needed to be said. Minnelli writes that some critics felt the book was unfocused and lacked strong themes. Jones told Minnelli that the book’s basic theme is the failure of people to ultimately connect, and how much more people want to be loved than they want to love.

Its protagonist, Dave Hirsh (Sinatra), finds himself in his hometown, Parkman, Indiana, with a wicked hangover and no memory of getting there. The book is set in 1948, and Dave is still wearing his army uniform. He is a writer, but Minnelli makes it clear that Dave doesn’t feel good about himself or his work. He says he’s quit writing. 

 Minnelli makes it clear why Dave is so lost: older brother Frank, a wheel in the small town who owns a jewelry shop, is on the board of directors at a local bank, and is on the local planning commission, sent 12-year-old Dave to a boys’ home when he married his well-to-do wife, Agnes. Dave doesn’t even know if their father is alive or dead. It’s easy to believe that with a complete lack of family and the betrayal of being sent away to fend for himself, Dave doesn’t have much in the way of relationship skills beyond card games and bars. He’s intelligent and talented, but he feels so unwanted, such an outsider, that though he knows it was Frank who jettisoned him, that it had nothing to do with him, he’s, to use one of my favorite phrases for describing such characters, all twisted up inside. He has no reference for feeling loved, so he will need a lot of help learning to give and receive it.

Frank is not the guy who can provide it. Frank is as messed up as Dave, though he would protest mightily if he heard me say it. After all, he’s a pillar of the community, a successful local businessman, married for the past 18 years to Agnes, who is as superficial and materialistic as he is (so they’re well suited). While Dave doesn’t pretend to be anything he’s not, so authenticity is one thing he won’t have to learn, Frank has made his way in little Parkman by acting the part of the guy who belongs. He will do anything to preserve what he’s got, and Dave’s showing up in town terrifies him. He’s afraid Dave is going to show him up for the utterly phony and emotionally and spiritually bankrupt empty suit he is. Frank is a little sweaty, always afraid, always watching for an opportunity or imagined danger.

This is a classic Kennedy portrayal of an unsympathetic character. Kennedy could play any kind of man, from a hero to villain, and all points between. His honesty allows him to construct an unpleasant man like Frank—vain, self-pitying, self-involved, always on the make, unable to feel any remorse for abandoning Dave or to offer him any honest way to rebuild their relationship. 

To Frank, Dave is merely a threat to be managed. Frank and Agnes never really rest. All their energy goes into managing appearances, faking emotions, and avoiding bad press. Dave has Frank’s number, but to his credit he is able to relate to Frank’s daughter, Dawn, as a fond, protective uncle. When, inevitably, Frank and Agnes’s dishonest life leads to a family crisis that threatens their daughter and their spotless reputation among Parkman’s wealthy, it’s Dave who steps in to offer Dawn the benefit of his experience, and a way out of the inevitable false step that so many mixed-up girls in ’50s movies seem all too ready to tumble into. She avoids that, thanks to Dave, but still follows through on the sidestep such movie teen girls make: She leaves Parkman and goes to New York City, just like her spiritual sisters in Picnic and Peyton Place. 

Frank is loathsome. I wonder if the writers considered making him a little less so, perhaps softening him slightly toward the end of the movie. But it’s an honest choice to depict him this way. There are people like Frank, who when they have left tire marks on your back, have the nerve to ask you to feel sorry for how bad they feel as they pull the knife from your back.

Anyway, Kennedy isn’t the only morally compromised character in Some Came Running, but as Dave’s big brother he carries a lot of the story’s weight. Other characters have their own limitations. Gwen (Martha Hyer) is massively conflicted about her feelings for Dave, and ‘Bama (Dean Martin), Dave’s gambler friend, breaks with him when he decides to marry Ginny (Shirley Maclaine), whom he calls a “pig.” Ginny, the girl who followed Dave to Parkman from Chicago, is the only person in the story who is able to love unabashedly. That is, it’s messed up that she loves Dave, who is only nice to her when he’s drunk, but her love is unconditional, something Dave has never before experienced, and he wants to allow her to love him even if they’re poorly matched in just about every way. 

There’s a chaotic quality to this movie, perfectly expressed in its final bravura sequence, which Martine Scorsese highlights in a TCM featurette about CinemaScope. A fair at night, all brightly colored lights, noise, and chaos. It’s as if Dave’s emotional confusion has finally exploded, and it doesn’t end well. 

One more thing: Some Came Running is about gamblers, drunks, small-time hoods, and their more respectable opposites. It’s squalid, and Minnelli found the bars and louche characters intriguing. It’s another reminder that even in the ’50s, a decade before Bonnie and Clyde was said to have been the final nail in the Production Code’s coffin, directors continued to pick away at the Code. Ginny isn’t exactly a prostitute, but she is called “tramp” and “pig.” ‘Bama is a gambler, living at the edge of the law, but he still feels morally superior to Ginny. Frank tries hard to convince himself of his own virtue, but his frustration and let’s just say it, horniness almost destroys his carefully cultivated life—his, not any of the shame he so operatically fears Dave will bring upon him. A question: In this tiny town, where everybody knows everybody else’s business, isn’t it a little strange that people don’t remember Frank sending Dave off to the home? And those who knew Dave when he was a kid, like Connie Gilchrist in a terrific small part—wouldn’t they perhaps bear Frank a little ill will for throwing his brother away so his ascent wouldn’t be dragged by caring for his only living relative?

Here’s two of Kennedy’s early scenes with Sinatra. They lay out the relationship dynamic and let viewers get to know Frank, his sad, dishonest way of life, and how emotionally barren he is. 

Frank, pushing open the hotel room door: Dave? Dave, shaving at the mirror: C’mon in. Frank: How’d you know it was me? Dave: I figured it’d be you. Frank, extending his hand: Dave, you old son of a gun, welcome home. [Forcefully pats Dave’s shoulder] Oh it’s good to see you, boy. … It’s been a long time.  Dave: Sixteen years. Frank: Oh, you dog you, 16 years and not even a postcard.  Dave: I didn’t think you’d worry about me. Frank, trying again: Oh…you’re looking fine, Dave. … Oh, I know, I know, [fiddles with his hair] it’s getting a little thin on top. But like they say, not much grass on a busy street. Dave: You may be losing your hair, but you haven’t lost your razor-sharp wit. You want a drink? Frank: At 10:30 in the morning?   Dave: I don’t watch a clock.  Frank [chuckles mirthlessly]: What ever happened to your writing? When we used to see your name in print, at least we knew you were alive. Dave: I gave it up. Frank: Why? We heard you were doing pretty good, you got some— Dave [interrupting]: The old man still alive? Frank: Oh, oh…you didn’t know. No, no, God rest his soul, he passed on four or five years ago. Towards the end, Dave, he was just hell on wheels. Dave: …booze. Frank: Well, what else?  Dave: Tchew, what a family… Frank: Oh, wait till you see the new generation, Dave, why that niece of yours is a real lady. … Say, why don’t you pack up and move out to the house, huh? We got plenty of room… [Dave regards him] Well, I’m pretty sure we have. Dave: No thanks, Frank. I’m okay right here. Frank: Well then let me call Agnes and have her get a—a fatted calf out of the deep freeze. You’re gonna have dinner with us tonight, Dave, you know that, don’tcha? Dave: Sorry, Frank, I got plans. Frank: Oh. Uh, well, what are your plans, Davie? Uh, what made you decide to come back to Parkman? Dave: Cause I shot my big fat mouth off to a couple of drunken friends of mine and told them where I was born.  Frank [slightly defensive]: Well, what’s wrong with that? Parkman is your home… Dave shoots him a look. A long pause. Dave: How’d you know I was here?  Frank: Practically everybody in town knew you were here…before I did. [aggrievedly, again] You might have called me, Dave. You owe me that much.  Dave: No, I owe you more than that. Four hundred and ten dollars, to be exact, I’ve got the check all made out.  [Frank looks anxious] Frank: What’s that for? Dave: This little check represents room and board for Mrs. Dillman’s home for little boys. Three dollars and fifty cents a week from the time I was about 12 until I read a travel folder.  Frank: You can’t still be brooding about that.     Dave: I’m not brooding, I’m grateful. I was a little better off than most of the kids. I had a generous big brother. I was what they called a semi-charity boy. Frank, jumping out of his chair: What the devil’d you expect me to do, have the whole family move in with me? You knew I had just married Agnes.  Dave is silent. Frank: Good Lord, Dave, you’re a man now. You know that a man has to live his own life.  Dave: How is Agnes, Frank? Frank: Oh…Davie, I did what I thought was right. Nobody can do any more than that. Sure it was tough on you, but how do you think I felt, putting you in the home, my only brother… I’m not made of wood, Dave. [theatrically] If you only knew the nights I couldn’t sleep.  Dave smiles maliciously: Your story moves me to tears. Take the check, c’mon… Frank protests, then takes the check: Oh all right, if it’ll make you feel any better. I’m not gonna fight with you, Dave. Life’s too short for that. Say, why don’t you have dinner with us, I’d like it very much. …Not that it’ll look funny if you didn’t, you know, but…will you do it? Dave, quietly: What time? Frank: You mean, you’ll come? Dave: If you’re sure Agnes won’t throw up. I’m not her favorite relative.   Frank: Ohhhhh, what talk. Uh, meet me at the store, say, at 5, and I’ll call Agnes and have her fix something real special. [pats Dave on the shoulder again, all brisk and manly, reaches for the doorknob, then stops, chuckles to himself] Uh, Davie, about that little gag of yours of putting your dough in the other bank, and all that… Dave: I thought it would break you up. Frank [opens the door]: See you at 5. 

   *    * 

Frank enters, sighs heavily: If you could just see yourself. Dave: And a good morning to you, sir. Frank, sarcastically: That was nice going, Dave, I’m real proud of you. One day in town, just one day, and you’re picked up in a drunken brawl with a floozy and tossed in jail…like a common hoodlum.  Dave: I know all about it. Frank [pacing]: I just don’t understand you.  Dave: Is that your problem for this morning? Frank, putting his hand over his heart: What have you got against me?  Dave: Not a thing. Frank: Oh, yes you have. I take you to my home, I introduce you to the best people in town, like the Frenches, and this is the thanks I get. You seem to resent my position. It’s no crime to be successful. I’ve worked hard for everything I’ve got. Nobody’s helped me. Dave: Is this gonna be another one of those long lectures? Frank: Oh, I might have known….  Dave: Frank, I’m not trying to needle you, I don’t feel well. I got a headache, and I have to be in court.  Frank: You won’t have to be in court, I’ve squared it. And that mobster friend of yours has already skipped town. You both forfeit bail.  Dave: Ohhhh, thank you. Frank: I didn’t do it for you, Dave. I’m raising a decent girl [however, it is Frank who presents the moral hazard to his daughter, not her Uncle Dave].  Dave: That she is. She’s a fine girl. Frank: And I’ve told the judge you’ll be leaving town.  Dave [pauses]: Did you tell him where I was going? Frank, raising his voice: How do I know where you’re going? Dave: How did you know I was leaving? Frank: Aren’t you? Dave [pauses]: Yeah, I guess so. Frank, aggrievedly: I wish I could say I was sorry, Dave.  Dave: I wish you could say so, too. Frank: Well, I suppose it will be in all the afternoon papers. That’s all I need. Just when my name was beginning to amount to something. … How could you do this to me? Dave: Me, me, me, me! Don’t you ever get tired thinking about your dull, greedy, small self? [Frank does not reply] Now get out of here, I’m tired of listening to you, get the hell out of here. 

   *    *

This was written for the Arthur Kennedy Conquest of the Screen blogathon, hosted by The Wonderful World of Cinema. Go on over and read about more of his work. 

from Second Sight Cinema | http://bit.ly/2STeFAH via http://bit.ly/1om9FS6

[chorusfm]

Dylan Slocum of Spanish Love Songs

Spanish Love Songs will release their new album Schmaltz on March 30th. It’s one of the freshest and most honest punk rock records in recent memory. I recently had the pleasure of speaking with vocalist Dylan Slocum and he told me about the delicate art of opening a record and embracing dad punk. Did you write the opening and closing tracks to be so much different from the rest of the record? To be slower, quieter songs compared to the punk sound of the others? Yeah, that was definitely deliberate. It’s funny you picked up on that. They were always going to be quiet. The first track, “Nuevo,” was written on guitar and we were all in the studio, and we all love – I forget the name of the Frank Ocean song, but it’s just like a him and a Hammond organ or something. It was in our heads and someone brought it up and I was like, “Oh shit! Yes, we should definitely use organ to start this album.” And especially since the last album started with the most disgusting, cliche guitar slide and a minute and a half punk song. I was like, “Let’s mix it up and do something different.” It might be to the point that people will be like, “What the hell is this album? I thought this was a punk band!” So that was deliberate and then the last one…no, I don’t know. I feel like we like acoustic songs at the ends of albums. Growing up I feel like all our favorite albums did that. I just had that song and it was kind of written in response to “The Boy Considers His Haircut,” in the middle of the album, and I just thought, “Let’s just track acoustically and throw it on and see how it goes,” and it ended up working pretty well. Yeah, I saw definitely one of those people who had listened to the singles and then pressed play on the album and thought, “What is this album?” [Laughs] Yeah, well, we’ll see how it pans out. Maybe not the best move for a band trying to gain new listeners, but I think it’s interesting. Hopefully it pulls people in in a way that they wouldn’t expect. Well it’s one of my favorites on the album for sure and, hey, it worked for The Hotelier on Home so… Exactly! Exactly. There you go. It works. This is your first record on A-F Records, right? Before you were on Wiretap? Yeah. That’s Anti-Flag’s label, isn’t it? That’s pretty big. How’s that been? It’s been great. The label’s incredibly supportive. I was in Belgium hanging out with our old European label Bearded Punk, we’re good friends with them and one of their guys is our tour manager when we tour Europe. We were drinking in a bar and someone brought up Anti-Flag and it was like, “Damn, haven’t listened to Anti-Flag in a minute.” So we started talking about Anti-Flag and then the next day my friend Gregory decided to send A-F the record – I don’t know how he got ahold of their contact info. So the day I got home I got a call and when I answered my phone it was Chris Stowe, the label manager, and he was like, “Hey, someone named Gregory sent us your album, and we like it. Let’s talk.” It was incredible. Good thing we have good friends, I guess. The label’s been incredibly supportive. They’ve really let us take the lead on a lot of the creative decisions. The Anti-Flag guys are great, we got to catch their show over in LA. They’ll, like, they’ll retweet stuff about us. It’s little things like that, you know? And obviously the label is great too, they got The Homeless Gospel Choir and Swiss Army. It’s been nice to join this label that’s been historically political and make out own sad little grouchy corner of it. That’s a really great story. [Laughs] Yeah, we’re still in shock that it happened. We’d been in discussion with Uncle M to release it in Europe, and once A-F got on board, Uncle M was like, “Yeah, that’s a no-brainer.” [Laughs] Somehow these four beers I had in Antwerp lead to us having these two amazing labels putting out our albums. Prior to this, we’d had to pay for everything we’d done, and we had to push everything really hard. Wiretap’s great, but Wiretap’s small – they’re growing, but to have somebody bigger, like, validate us was just an incredible, incredible feeling. Made us feel like a real band. [Laughs] Speaking of historically political labels, I’d noticed a recurring thread throughout the record. You talk about guns and shooters a lot. Could you talk a little bit about that and why that pops up so often? I grew up in this weird Bible Belt area of California. You know, very Republican, very Second Amendment rights. When I was six, my grandfather shot my dad – he survived, but at a very young age, I was like, “Yeah, guns are fucking awful.” So it’s always been something I’ve been very anti, for obvious reasons. [Laughs] Then when we were writing the album, it was in the middle of this school shooting after school shooting. It was weighing pretty heavily on me and it just kind of bled its way in there. I think it first appeared in “Buffalo Buffalo,” because when I was writing that, my girlfriend was going to Portland, and there was a mass shooting a couple of days before she left. I was like, “No, please don’t die in a mass shooting.” A lot of the lyrics are like that, just feeling unsafe. But then there’s some that are about just feeling like a mentally unwell white male sometimes and, like, what’s the difference between me and the guy who did that? There’s a big difference, of course, but it’s a weird headspace to occupy. That’s a bunch of stuff jumbled into three lines, but it was on my mind. [Laughs] I like that a lot in the lyrics that it’s never the focus of the song, but it’s still there. That’s how it feels sometimes, hearing about mass shootings almost every other week. There’s other stuff going on but that possibility is always lurking there. I think that’s a good way of looking at it. I actually tried to write a song that was all about it, but it didn’t work, so it had to be changed. It was actually “El Nino Considers His Failures,” and it had completely different lyrics. It was all about shootings and guns and gun culture and it just felt forced. A lot of that stuff ended up falling to the periphery, and it’s probably better there. I feel like it’s such an obvious subject, but people are so calcified in their beliefs about it. We’re a political band in that we’re operating within our own space and saying how we feel, but I don’t think we’re the type of band who’s capable – yet – of writing the anti-gun song. I think it stays more on a personal level. For me, the fact that we were able to write an album that isn’t just about failed relationships is enough for me. [Laughs] We’ll take that. [Laughs] That’s something you got on all the other pop-punk bands. Our first album was all about my divorce and the relationship after that that just crumbled. So when we started writing, I made a dare to myself and I told our guitarist Kyle, “I am not going to write a single song about a relationship in the traditional sense. Just watch.” [Laughs] Nobody believed that I could do it just because it’s such a prominent thing. It was a very conscious effort to avoid that, so I’m proud of that aspect at least. Have you got any favorite songs on the record? I think “Otis-Carl” and then the single “Joana, in Five Acts” are probably the most personal to me, so those have been fun. I think those will probably end up being my favorites in the long run because they’re not just about me. They’re about people I’ve lost, obviously, so I think I’ll be happiest with those. But I think this is a pretty cohesive set of songs for us and I think we’ve figured out what this iteration of the band sounds like. I’m really psyched on all these songs. I know you’re playing pretty soon at 924 Gilman. Have you ever played there before? Nope. What’s that like for you? I’m on the East Coast and even I know what Gilman is, so I imagine that must be pretty surreal for you. It’s going to be great. [Laughs] Being from the LA area, I remember even when I was, like, six, hearing about Gilman and how Green Day can’t play Gilman because they’re sellouts and even then I thought that was fucking stupid, that whole old-school punk mentality. Me and my band, we’re like the most un-punk band you can think of [laughs]. Playing this hallowed punk venue is going to be great. Being part of the history there, it’s going to be fun. We don’t consider ourselves very punk, so whenever something punk gets brought up we kind of laugh to ourselves. But I’m sure it’ll be incredible, those Bay Area shows are always a blast. It’s pretty funny to hear you don’t even consider yourselves punk. Yeah, I know we play in a punk – pop-punk? – band, but if you knew us, you’d see just how un-punk we actually are. One of us is an actual dad, and the rest of us might as well be. We all have steady job [laughs]. We aren’t doing the traditional punk thing. We joke because we play a lot of shows with really punk bands and we play a lot of shows with really indie bands, so we say we’re not punk enough for the punk kids but we’re not indie enough for the indie kids. We’re in this weird void of, “We hope you like us, but you might not!” I feel like you just coined yourself a new genre: dad punk. I feel like dad punk’s a thing. There’s a genre called dad rock, right? Yeah. I think a band like Jimmy Eat World could be dad rock, but they’d be like the dad punk subgenre. If they’re dad rock, then dad rock is awesome. Dad rock is great. That’s where I aim. I’ve got no beef with dad rock. We’re not 19 anymore. It’s exhausting to play straight punk and thrash around. We’re getting ready for a six-week tour and I remember we played a show in January, and I was looking at the bands, like, “Fuck! I guess I’ve got to start exercising now.” [Laughs] So now I go running, listen to the songs, and try to imagine what a full 40-minute set looks like in my head. And it’s fun, it’s fun to take something so silly serious for once. If there’s anything else you want to say, feel free. Thanks for talking to me. I hope people check us out, give us a listen. Maybe skip the first track if it’s too slow for you [laughs]. If you’re looking for some straight-up punk the second track is that [laughs]! We just really hope people like the album. We’re getting really excited for the fact that maybe people might like us. Thanks so much for talking to me. --- Please consider supporting us so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/interviews/dylan-slocum-of-spanish-love-songs/

[thomasjturner-blog]

ANIMATION PRACTICE CINE 1099 TERM 2

11 Seconds Club lip sync animations.

http://www.11secondclub.com/

I have been watching and listening to a lot of the content provided on the 11 seconds club to gather research and inspiration.

My first idea was conjured by listening to February’s audio clip from the website.

The clip was from the Adams family where Uncle Fester is being belittled by his impostor mother.

I then thought about how I could incorporate the degrading tone that was produced from the clip into an animation. Firstly I watched how fester was as a character in the film, he was very sheepish and polite and with a very fearful personality, yet on the contrast he has a wild sense of humour and little regards for rules. This made me think of how a child would act as if being scolded by a parent, That idea was almost to realistic and would not have been very interesting to watch as, so I thought how could I make the idea more interesting. I thought about how children act when they are away from their parents watchful eyes, and from my personal experience they are all tricksters and will try to do everything they are not allowed to do when their parents are there, this immediately made me think of a monkey, because of the bubbly personalities and the way children just throw themselves around and not get hurt. This then brought me to break dancing. 

First idea for the animation.

‘The Woeful monkey’

Reference material

Storyboard.

Script.

Intro

1-7 seconds. Monkey is break dancing, he pulls of some good moves and finishes with a backflip.

 7-8 seconds. He looks around to see if anyone had seen him, then he suddenly looks terrified.

9-14 seconds. His mother is acting up and flailing her arms and body in a way that makes her look ashamed of the other monkey.  She is talking down to him.

Mother-‘You only owe me your entire existence on this planet’.

As she is doing this the scene changes to a shot of the back of her legs and you see the boy monkey jump to the floor and spread his arms like he is praying, he then moves unto his knees.

Mother-‘Please by all means go sing dance date’.

14-18 seconds. The camera changes to a close up looking down on him from the mother’s perspective, he is on his knees begging her forgiveness.

Gordon-‘Oh mother, I am so terribly sorry’.

Last two seconds is of The monkey (Gordon) rolling on the floor with his hands on his head.

Task 1: Basic Character animations.

I created a basic animation of the fishes body moving from left to right to try and replicate a swimming movement.

Task 2 :Testing Emotions through facial expressions.

I tried to convey a transition from calm to menacing then to sneaky and back again.

Task 1,2,3 and 4 combined.

Audio for task.

http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/august17/winner

Task 3 is to create a  Basic lip-sync.

Task 4 is to create a Lip-sync of a sentence that demonstrates (1) Foundation (2) Structure (3) Details (4) Polish.

The audio clip used is of a man singing about an immigrant who has been betrayed by his own people and his new country, and the singers confesses to killing him. The animation is to show how as he is singing he is using body language as well as facial expressions to convey his emotion as the murderer, but at the end when he his head is bowed in ‘remorse he releases a sneaky smile’. 

The Environment is just a practice to see what sort of things I can create in a short time frame at a fast pace. The idea behind the temple style crypt is to try and present that he is at the grave of the victim from the song, although it is not very clear from the screenshots.  

Idea 2.

Audio Research.

Possible candidates for second idea.

http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/february09/winner

http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/october09/winner

http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/october10/winner

http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/january11/winner

http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/august12/winner

Final Choice for Second Idea.

http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/november08/winner

‘You sunk my battle ship’

 Script.

Intro,

Establishing shot,

Stereotypical colonial admiral standing at the ships wheel. (evening time)

He speaks.

     ‘My purpose in coming here tonight is twofold’.

He then lifts his arm and displays two fingers to represent the number.

He then pats the banister of the ship leading to the deck and says

      ‘Firstly I wanted to aid this young lady’.

He then raises his arm again and holds both fingers up and says

       ‘Secondly I was curious to see-

Shot cuts to over the shoulder of the captain to establish the crew he is addressing

       ‘how a bunch of empty headed nitwits conducted themselves’.

Angry voices come from the crew and they begin to move towards him, Cut scene

Cut scene to a long shot of the ship where it is shaking violently and there is smoke billowing from the rear of the ship.

End.

Final Idea.

Script.

Intro you will only see the squirrel talking until the end of the Scene.

Squirrel.

‘So I can move into your spot? Start a training camp old school remember’.

The Squirrel is trying to convince the snail to start a training camp like the old days.

He doesn’t get the reaction he is expecting.

Snail

‘No, no no one has been in my house in a long time and I don’t think you would be comfortable there’.

The squirrel senses that the snail is getting angry so he has an idea to play with his a little. So he askes

Squirrel

‘What do you walk around naked?’

The snail falls for the bait and becomes mad, he thinks the squirrel is being serious about moving into his house. He wears the house on his back so he is infuriated by a stupid question like this.

Snail

‘NO!’

He is naked in his house but he is getting embarrassed. As he is a snail.

Squirrel.

The squirrel is baiting the snail more but he cannot control himself any longer and starts to smirk he is holding in laughter.

‘What then?’

Scene establishes both characters and ends.

Story Board.

Recorded footage for animation reference. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DMIRhki0nXVNzILWuu1LGS5UXT61Qm7e/view?usp=sharing 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QsGKynO9KltcvWFgM1S6uNN1GMj_URqn/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JML9mFvNQADUy_54yEopDIJKuOplj_kY/view?usp=sharing

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

All of the videos are of myself saying the lines from the audio clip it is entirely down to you to watch them.

I started off recording myself, and the result was unsatisfactory. I then sought out my flatmate who was trained by a voice coach, and she gave me advice on how to project my voice and to not put as much emphasis on my jaw and more on my lips. She then demonstrated for myself, after following her instructions my lip movements improved.  

Inspiration

Boy with the coocoo clock heart

The Secret of Kells

Thomas Ferson Deux pieds

Big hero 6

Cars

Over the hedge

Open season

Nut Jobs

Toy story

Corpse Bride

Caroline

The fantastic Mr Fox

 All the animations above have helped me develop my ideas throughout the term but I will only focus on the ones that inspired me to create my final idea.

The fantastic Mr Fox gave the idea to use an animal as my protagonist, also the way that the camera is always positioned towards the characters in a front perspective inspired me for the final frames to establish the snail.  

Over the hedge and open season were the most influential into my final ideas as they both have very strong personality’s playing as animals, very similar in ways of fantastic Mr Fox but the final design and humour is based predominantly into the more DreamWorks style of film, this is largely due to the style of characters I could source and partly due to my own preferences.

The Scottish squirrel army from open season had a large part to contribute to the secondary movements, such as the tail movement along with the eyes as the leader squirrel has very expressive movements.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvfcWxGZv9M

Character animation

The animation was a simple process as I was just filming myself and others talking and then just copying the lip and jaw movements onto the character, I was very lucky as a had a very well made rig for my project it made the whole process a lot easier on my behalf.

The second stage of the animating was the body movements, these were a little harder as they take up much more screen real estate so they should be much more accurate.

Finally, I moved onto secondary movement, this involved blinking, nose twitching, tail wagging, ear turning and eye direction.    

Environment

These Images are not mine they are references from google.

The reason behind using London housing for my environment design is the fact that the houses are very unique in style and have a lot of culture poured into them. The next point is there are a lot of small park areas peppered over London and a lot of them bear the presence of a squirrel population. It is a very common sight to see squirrels in and around the park areas.

I started the design of the house using a single plane as I was only going to exhibit the outside of the model and not the interior.  

This is the final model of the house. I simply used extrude, bevel and translate to create all of the shapes of the mesh. 

The original house was built inside of Cinema 4D but then I reworked it inside of Maya

I was originally going to create the traditional yellow brick of London but I decided against it as it was too similar to the colour patterns of the characters. 

I started looking at houses around London. I went around the different borough’s looking at the housing designs.

I differed from the traditional colouring of the London yellow brick as there was a clash between the character and the environment. I needed the character to stand out from the background but still look natural there.

I was originally going to create the traditional yellow brick of London but I decided against it as it was too similar to the colour patterns of the characters. 

I downloaded the Image of the brick and edited the colouring in the material editor in CD4 I also used the image to create a bump map and displacement map so it would appear to have the proper depth of bricks.

I followed the process with the chimney, chimney pots, rubber roofing, pavement and roofing tiles. 

The glass texturing was very simple, I used a GGX reflectance from the CD4 defaults metal reflection selection then merged it with the Lambertian colour to create a subtle reflection then I added a transparency tab with refraction at a value of 1.517 to resemble glass and then turned the opacity to 39% creating a reflective surface that would absorb the light but also give slight colouring in the reflection.

Character.

I followed a very similar process to the glass when creating the reflection for the eyes, the only difference was there was no transparency added the eyes. The other anomaly was the pupil where I created another Lambertian but I removed all reflection to allow the rest of the eye to appear more reflective giving a definition between the pupil and the iris.

For the character I used over the hedge as my mood board essentially , I tried to create a mix from Hammy and RJ’s colour pallet, as they are very stereotypical for a squirrel and a raccoon and the squirrel character has a similar body shape to them both combined so it seemed like a logical thing to do.  

For the squirrels fur I simply created Lambertian colour and took away all reflection in the same way I created the pupils.

Different types of lighting and ray-casting depth.

Test render of vector style graphics vs realistic cartoon.

This was a low level light with a low ray accuracy.

This was a high level of light but a low level of AO, GI and Ray casting.

This is with AO at 100% accuracy but a low level of GI 

This is with the GI ramped up to high sampling but there is very little difference apart from the bottom image is slightly crisper and brighter and the top image is more saturated.

These two images were testing for the time of day. I was trying to get the right amount of length from the shadowing.

I set the physical sky to present day London. (it doesn't account for weather)

Render Issues. 

At first, I was going to complete the whole project in Maya, but for some reason I was not able to use Arnold with the Squirrely character, there was a render restriction on the rig, I know this because I tried it on several different computers and I rendered other OBJ’s on the same computers with Maya. So as a solution I learned how to export all of the animations from Maya into Cinema4D using alembic Cache, this stored all of the geometry and animations and then wrote it into CD4.  

Evaluation.

Throughout this project I have been watching many animated films to try and source information and inspiration to create own original content. Choosing the style of the animation was a very hard thing to do as there are so many different ways to create a realistic render, and each way will create a different mood and feeling to the final piece.

The final story is of a squirrel talking to a snail asking to live with him and set up a training camp in his house. I set the humour of the proposal from the squirrel as a little ironic as the snail naturally does not have a house or a nesting ground, as it can retract into its own shell and that is suitable enough accommodation for itself.

The squirrel is naturally turned away by the snail but the squirrel persists and keeps asking. The point behind this is that the squirrel might be lonely and cannot see the reality of the situation so he is seeking out help in places that will never be able to cater to his needs because of the desperate situation he is in.

The squirrel at first is sounding enthusiastic at the idea of starting a training camp, this is an inspirational thought for the squirrel but when it gets shot down by the snail, the squirrel turns to humour as a natural defence and starts to try and brush off the fact he will not find hospitality in the snail so he puts the snail into a defensive position to try and show he is unaffected by the rejection.

The snail is not introduced until the final shot, the point behind this is to try and show that the squirrel is actually alone and might as well be talking to himself, as the squirrel and the snail are from two entirely different worlds, one of them is very fast paced and energetic, whilst in contrast the other is very relaxed and easy going, taking the slow route through life. The choice of the snail as the other character is metaphorical for a hopeless situation, as the snail will never be able to provide the help and the answers the squirrel is trying to find.

Overall, I am not entirely happy with the outcome of the final animation, for example the squirrels left hand is very stiff and has very little movement, I could improve on this in future projects by taking into consideration that the body is never fully stationary. Although I was using a lot of reference material I believe I did not pay enough attention to the secondary movement as a whole.  Adding to this point in some places the tail the back and forth movement is very sharp and has little softness to it, I can work on this by studying more in depth the anatomy of the animals and how they move. Squirrels communicate with one another using the ‘wag’, of the tail, I have tried to implement this into the scene but I feel like I have not taken advantage of this theory. I have used the main tail shake in my animation to try to show that the squirrel is shaking off the rejection of the snail, because the shake occurs just after the snail says no. So this the squirrel recovering from rejection and turning straight to humour  as a recovery tactic.

I am happy with some of the secondary movement such as the nose twitches, ear twitching and eye movements. Next time I need to spend more time to clearly understand the realistic movements.

I am happy with the render quality as it is not realistic in colouring but it is uniform throughout and all the textures adhere to the same style, I have reduced a lot of the noise in the scene so there is minimal distortion.

[decimusquartus]

Thanos the Rad Titan - Can someone hotspot me?

Chapter 1 or  ( Part One )                             Chapter 2 or   (Part Two) Chapter 3  or (Part Three) Chapter 4  or (Part Four)

Chapter 5 or here

That’s me (and also here)

Here we go: Chapter 6 and it's down to making space-surfboards and personalising them. Also there's a sitcom idea about Thanos and Thanos but they're not there yet. Help a Titan out! With internet or superpowers. Everything's acceptable

Chapter Six

I’ll tell you something: I know the basics of physics, and other than the 101s of engineering on combustion engines, I have nothing. But Thanos’s room of “Toys for playful and horrid death” (his title, I swear) has the stuff.

It’s big enough to rent it out as as a spaceship graveyard. And there actually are two shuttles, ripped apart, deconstructed to various points. This room is so big, there is enough space for an army to dress up and go around doing drills. This room is so big… it’s so big… hell, it’s so big it makes Thanos look small.

‘So, are we goin’ to be makin’ the hover-skate-surfboards here?’

‘Yes, but let’s start with you backing up for a second. It would be a shame to dismembered and die, before you had that wish of yours,’ he muses with grim cheeriness.

My jaw drops loud enough to make a sound in space. ‘You mean you can actually express something else than contempt, malice and scathing bile on everything that crawls? Colour me impressed.’

Thanos growls past me with a look of controlled exhaustion. ‘Follow me.’

We proceed by cutting the boards to our size. I must tell you, if it weren’t for my telekinetic precision, I’d definitely chopped something off.

‘So, the way you described it, we are going to need a complex fusion of stabilising technology and sufficient thruster engines,’ Thanos rants keeping his faraway eyes in the deep end of the room.

‘Yeah sure. What you said. How are we gonna do this?’

‘I shall send the drones to get the majority of the components and pieces necessary so we can assemble that joyride vehicles of yours.’

‘Well, good luck with that,’ I say, whipping out my phone. ‘You know if I can get any reception here? You have wi-fi? Data? Can you hotspot me?’

‘Are you not going to be the one to construct your own board?’ His body shits enigmatically in a small turn.

‘No. Of course not. I mean I can try, but chances are I’ll blow up a big hole somewhere in up here.’

He breathes out heavy and condescending. ‘How do you bear the name of Thanos and not excel in the sciences of your world and the cosmos?’

‘It ain’t that hard really. I’m more of a literature kind of guy. You know. Read. Ponder. Contemplate. Discover the nothing that is being in life, through the greatest works of the most inspiring minds of the world,’ I say overenthusiastically and sit on something that looks like a chair.

This time his eyes are prickling my skin, like he’s skewering me with them. Like he is trying to unravel what I’m thinking under there. Strangely there’s no hostility or malignance there. Only deep-rooted curiosity.

‘So, you believe in nothing and hold no hope for the meaning of life or existence?’ He chooses his words carefully and precisely. He has stopped tweaking and fiddling around.

‘Word. My friends and I from the university go around readin’, analysin’ and debatin’. Grouch please, I wanna snap a selfie.’ I take the picture with Thanos looking evil enough to shake the Green Goblin back to sanity.

‘And so far, I’ve decided that pretty much nothin’ matters, other than the nihilism that pervades everything.’

I keep taking photos and I'm telling you, I think I took one where Thanos is kinda smiling and I just can’t not consider this a win.

‘What’s the name of that institute of knowledge and how can I support it?’ Thanos growls as he turns his attention once more to my board.

‘I study the humanities. And I plan… No, kept plannin’ to continue my studies there. The funniest thing is how such a field takes away the will to live.’

Thanos keeps me busy talking and using my telekinesis passing him. To be candid it’s strangely fulfilling. Using my brain, my hands, my power all at the same time. Even though this all is such a novel experience, Thanos is apparently a master on physics, engineering and all these stuff, so he puts the intricate design together in no time.

Despite the momentary satisfaction, this task still poses some kind of a challenge in the whole. So, testing the capabilities, the limits and the survivability of the boards does take some time.

‘This is simply wasteful. Why would you be interested in this hobby anyway?’ He spits out the word thick with condescendence.

‘It’s a decent workout,’ I say, playing pilot in a dilapidated cockpit. I’m even making the laser-cannon sounds. Which technically shouldn’t be there. But you can’t take this away from me. ‘It’s also helped a lot gettin’ around the finer, less obvious applications of my powers.’

I cannot shake this energised vibe I am getting. By now, I’m more than well in terms with the fact that there’s no getting out. I can’t pilot and have no idea how to contact the Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy or even order some inter-galactic junk food which I must have, as a food-lover.

So, I’m going to try and be more open to whatever’s happening. I mean sure I might die in some hours, days or whatever but damnit I’m in space and about to go thrashin’ and surfin’ around with Thanos. I'm feelin' it the charnel viewpoint that's broadening my perspective of life. Really gets the bantering going. But I'm still making the laser-cannon sounds.

‘Skateboardin’ is a mess of a skill. And if you’re a slacker like me, you’ll be wantin’ to be done with it, the easiest way possible.’ I shrug, feeling the old memories brushing all over me.

‘I used to get down 'cause it helped me get a grip on my powers. Keepin’ me on board, propellin’ me forward, doin’ all the flips and every now and then, maybe throw on of the jerks over their board, ‘cause they were pushin’ everyone out of the skatepark.’ I grin, recalling the very first days.

‘Ah, so it was some tenuous learning. Taxing but it paid out,’ Thanos suggests grandiosely.

‘What? Dude, no. I was doing it to be accepted. And I told you, it was a solid workout for body and mind.’

‘You truly are Thanos the Lesser Titan,’ he replied instantly.

‘God, I hope you never have children. They’ll end up hatin’ you for sure,’ I mumble under my breath, but Thanos’s sideways stabbing glance is a fair warning.

‘Try your board, whelp,’ he says hostilely, presenting me with the hovering piece of metal. It makes the humming sound of a vacuum cleaner and its motor and turbines are shooting off violet flames.

I step on it and keep my balance with some telekinetic support. Then I squint and one mental push later I’m slowly flying around, feeling out the weight. Which is non-existent. It’s like there is a stable cloud, right under my feet.

Or should I say nebula, to be in context?

I wink at Thanos, who proceeds with activating his own board. Still, there’s some heaviness marking his face.

‘Go on. Step on it,’ I encourage him, bringing my board right next to his. He doesn't move. His frown deepens and there is constant shifting of his weight.

‘Alright. I’m not sayin’ you’re afraid or whatever. But the sooner you try it, the sooner you’ll kill me.’ I wrap my argument with a cheeky smile. It brings out all the exasperation he has for me. And it might be the weirdest thought occurring in the universe right now, but Thanos and Thanos would make a perfect duo for a sitcom.

‘Maybe we can get Medusa and Thor as recurring characters. Oh, and together we can take shots at Black Bolt and M.O.D.O.K.’

When I realise I’m talking out loud, I stop because Thanos falls off his board and lands gracelessly.

‘Boy, you’ll do anythin’ for this to be over and kill me, huh?’

‘Well I need some real satisfaction, don’t I?’ he shoots back with a killer’s smile.

‘Look, just step on it and I’ll provide the balance telekinetically. Worked for me. So, I'm sure I help a Titan out.’

I step in and keep him on the board but it’s one dreary task, even with my powers. But couple of hours later, he is crossing the workshop’s space like the purple light beam of death and getting-there-sass he is.

‘Maybe this vehicle has some recreational properties,’ he admits amused, as he tinkers with the engine.

‘Word. Maybe Thanos the Lesser is the real deal, huh?’

‘Not really,’ he shoots me down. ‘Let us get all the gear you need to survive out there and get one with the surfing and skating.’

Thanos takes me to chamber where he hands me a tiny box with incandescent lights. He straps it on me, instructing me how to turn it on. It’s going to encase me in a survival film, which will provide me with oxygen and keep my vitals stable. It’s also a gravity adjustor. I strap it on my pocket.

‘Are ready to go now?’ Thanos squabbles, looking out to the stretching and rolling space.

‘Look, Mauve Mayhem. I’ve got mad respect for you. You’re a stand-up guy. Even when you’re sitting. What? No laughter?’ I expect that the more I keep talking the more his line will keep getting deeper.

‘But I want you to let me add my personal touch to all this.’

‘Which is?’ Thanos asks wearily, with careful interest painting his eyes.

‘Well, first of all, appropriate threads,’ I start listing things. ‘Some speakers for the air-bubbles, on our boards.’

‘This is space, whelp. No one will be able to hear us, even if we play music,’ Thanos replies, dragging out the words extensively.

‘Still. Music is important. We need to get the full-rollin’ experience. Also, I need a fresh haircut. Can we meet in an hour? Two, tops? I need a way to get to my Spotify.’

His face grows more oblivious and confused by the words. It ends up expressionless, like the cosmos itself.

‘What is it with you and earthly music?’ Thanos grinds his teeth, giving an idea of the sound of dying patience.

I guess everything must be dying when it comes to Big T.

‘Look, just lemme do this and I’ll make Purple Rain your main theme.’ I have to bite my tongue to hold back.

There’s some approval ebbing down his face and he takes me to a room full of speakers and other stuff.

‘One hour, whelp. Ask anyone of my stuff for whatever paraphernalia you will be requiring.’ Before he goes out he gives me a glance over his shoulder. ‘After I’ve seen what you’re wearing, I might consider putting on something… of matching fashion.’

Alright, hearing this makes me smile brighter than any cheap, witty shot I’ve taken at him all day.

Still, how am I gonna get internet up in here?

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 14: “Where is Your Army?” - Kait

For a second there, I'll admit that I was really worried. With the power of hindsight, that could have been the dumbest move in ORG history. I'm glad the idol was a bluff – more on that later – but phew, thank god for tight alliances.

I suppose the most logical place to start this is at the beginning (and I can't remember what I've said so far, if anything, so bear with me if I duplicate info. I was a tiny bit plastered during that 25 minute long slog.) 

The decision to swap in with Steffen was made fairly impulsively, if I'm being honest. I had the discussion with Wes, who said MJ would swap in for Ruthie once the round was over. But Wes and I got to thinking, wouldn't it be better to cut MJ off at the knees and get rid of Ruthie, one of his strongest allies in the game? He and Jake had been running a lot of the show pre-merge, so why not weaken a strong competitor?

But to do that, we needed Steffen. And sure enough, he talks to me a short while later about being unsure which way to go and how he doesn't much care for being in the middle. (I'm very surprised to hear this, clearly, and had not been planning on this as the likeliest response AT ALL.) 

(That was sarcasm.)

(I was very unsurprised.)

So, I drop this bomb on Steffen: let's make the decision nice and easy. Vote Ruthie, which'll guarantee your safety for this round, then swap with me so you can be safe next round. I only want to swap to keep Wes safe!

Unsurprisingly, he jumps on it. Possibly because he didn't think through the results of the swap, or because he naturally assumed I'd gun for Jack (who, oops, is also an ally!) But regardless, the plan gets locked in. Ruthie's outta here, Steffen's in the Oasis and I'm back into the cold, merciless frozen tundras of the game. As it turns out, the plan's timing was awesome, too. Steffen told me after the fact that people approached him after we spoke, trying to get the vote to flip on Wes.

Anyway, I get in, Jack, Wes and I team up to work on the immunity, and unfortunately none of us get it... but neither does Steven. So that's good.

Then he starts busting out threats of an Immunity Idol. Uh oh. Not so great, and an eventuality that I didn't even think about when making the swap. This is why impulsive decisions are bad, y'all. I do think Wes would've had my back over Jack's, but I'm glad we didn't need to test that.

Steven said at one point that "it was always gonna be 3-1 interesting." And obviously, I played it off as not being sure where Jack is at and that his vote's still a mystery... but yeah, he was right. It was going to be 3-1 from the moment I stepped on that island, barring an immunity catastrophe. There could be an argument that Steven's the most robbed player so far... but OTOH, the only reason I felt I had to come down and fight was because there's no way he was voting Steffen, and likewise in the inverse. My two dudes were in danger of a tiebreaker at the absolute best. And especially with Steven voting off Wes at Hudson, it was just that much more concerning. Sure, he voted off Ruthie over Wes the round prior to this one, but it still wasn't something where I could just sit idly by and hope everything worked out, la dee dah.

Anyway, the idol bluff. A smart play, possibly his only play, and he stuck with it right until the bitter end. But it lacked subtlety. He didn't even attempt to be coy about it, as you would if you really had one. He pulled out receipts from a chat with Matt Summers, not from a host chat. And rather than sit back and let the idol do the talking, he was still trying to flip my vote until 10 minutes before deadline.

That's dedication. All the credit in the world to him for giving it such a strong effort. Unfortunately for him, the only person who believed it was Lydia, and her panic wasn't enough to change my mind, Wes' mind or Jack's mind. Steven's fight will be missed, but boy am I glad I won't have to fight for my life against him. I'm not sure I'd win that fight.

So now we're back to an 11-person merge. Wild. If I can survive this round, I'll have topped my Olympics placement of 11/25... but I'd much rather beat my HvVII placement of 4/20 (lol blaze it)

But hey, the journey of one thousand miles begins with a single step. And I'd say we're halfway there. Whoa, living on a prayer.

I'm at the point where I'm mixing powerful sayings and idioms with cheesy words from a hair metal band. Eep. This has gone off the rails, fast.

Back to the game... overnight, Jimmy started an alliance with Jenn and myself, unofficially dubbed 'La rèsistance' due to our being the last three non-American players in the game. The accent on the e in résistance is pointing the wrong way, but I can deal. I do like this alliance, though. It sets me up in a very okay position in the short term. It tells me that Jimmy and Jenn aren't eager to blindside me any time soon (and I know this because they're both way better at jury management than that.) I know Kait is not trying me, and vice-versa. Steffen, I think, likes me well enough to keep me. And the BoomerAANG Squad is as tight as ever after that last round. That gives me 8 of 11 right there.

That leaves Carson, MJ and Jake.

That's assuming the game operates in a vacuum, which I clearly know it doesn't. There are conflicting ties and alliances and entanglements all over the damn place, made that much more confusing by pre-existing relationships and small tribes forcing everyone to work with everyone. Well, except me and Jake. We talked in the tribe chat while doing the music video, but nothing one on one. I wish more players left like Steven – fighting to the bitter end while keeping it to game talk. Too many people stoop to personal levels, and that's just not a game I appreciate, respect or endorse. And after seeing Jake's true colours on the Andaman vote, I'd like him gone ASAP.

I'm trying to map out a course to the end in my head, but it's not coming as easily as it usually would. Not that it ever works out as planned, mind. I do think I'm hitting that happy medium that I like, though, where I'm a strong player without being the blatant threat. So it might actually be a better move for me to get rid of Carson, not Jake, and keep that shield around. But if he's not on my side, can I really consider him a shield?

I picked the worst damn time to pick up freelance work. Everyone last night is apparently talking votes, and here I am trying to code a damn registration form. No bueno. I ended up more or less blowing off Steffen in a stress-induced fit of pique, but thankfully he was cool about it. Not that I'm surprised – that's just him, you know? Very good dude.

Anyway, Jack wins immunity which... phew. Great news. He wasn't on anyone's immediate hit list, near as I can tell, so it leaves our options pretty wide open. Right now the prevailing option seems to be a Carson blindside? There's chatter that he has an idol, so the big issue with that plan would be concealing it enough that he doesn't catch wind. With this tangled web of players, that's gonna be tricky. And that, I think, is why I need to make sure not to be the one to bring it up to too many people. Last thing I need is Carson hearing that I'm throwing his name out and choosing to idol me out. (Though, I guess we could toss a guard vote or two out there if we're worried.)

Only two people I've been able to chat game with so far have been Kait and Jimmy (Kait late last night, Jimmy this morning.) Both are obviously on board with the Carson thing, and Kait knows that I'd rather go for Jake but the Carson move just makes a lot of sense. I mentioned my misgivings about letting Jake win too many comps, but she correctly pointed out that we shouldn't be afraid of how others can play without keeping in mind that they should be afraid of us. And she ain't wrong.  They SHOULD be afraid. They should be very afraid.

But that raises another concern with me. In my last confessional I talked about what a great position I'm in. The problem, though, is that I didn't realize other people were noticing my good position, too. Kait and Jenn talked about it and about how I'd win against a lot of people right now. At the risk of a thorough lack of humility, I think the two people I couldn't win against in the finals are MJ and Jake. MJ because he's more or less dictated the entire pre-merge and Jake because he EASILY came into the merge in the worst position. If he somehow managed to get to the end, it'd be hard not to vote for him.

Otherwise, right now? I think I'd stand a good chance against anyone. I've played a strong game to date – but no winner has ever been crowned because of their actions in the pre-merge. It's where things go from here that will dictate that. And that's why it's too early to even be thinking that way. But the fact that it's crossed somebody's mind does worry me, because that's the kind of justification people use to blindside someone in the early merge. And I've had enough blindsides for one lifetime

POWER RANKINGS:

1. Kait. Still my #1. I'll have to pull a heel turn on some people at some point, but I won't do that to Kait. My ride or die.

2. Wes. A damn good buddy. Has stuck his neck out for me and vice-versa. Possibly an even more transparent duo than MJ and Jake at the moment, but I don't much care. Wes is the bomb.

3. Lydia. Equally awesome. I've always wanted to play with Lydia and I'm glad this has finally given us the opportunity to do so. She's great and I don't know why she gets this reputation for being cold-hearted or merciless.

4. Jack. Our communication's dropped off a touch from the Andaman days, and I know he's in good with MJ, which is concerning. But Jack is still one of my favourite people and has this raw infectious energy that you just can't help but reciprocate.

5a/b. Jimmy/Jenn. It feels like a copout to put them in the same spot but they both fill that niche of being super pleasant and fun to chat with. But while both are pretty good strategically, they're simultaneously enjoyable to play with but also give me a reason to be concerned long-term. That said, they're only middle of the pack because I haven't had huge opportunities to strategize with them yet. Still both absolutely lovely people, and a big part of me hopes Team International takes off.

7. Steffen. Also super pleasant and fun to chat with. But when game talk comes along, it feels like a different beast. He can be frustrating to deal with. Love the guy to death, but his game style and mine just don't seem to be super compatible.

8. MJ. See Steffen. MJ's probably one of my favourite people in the entire TS community, but his game style just doesn't jive super well with mine. Not when we're on two ships floating in different directions. Or when he's leaving me out of the loop on important votes and then telling me he doesn't have an answer for why he did it. There are ways to play self-interestedly while keeping others in the loop, and I feel like I've been doing a decent job of that. MJ's style so far has been more of a "we'll burn that bridge when we get to it" kind of approach. I hope his post-merge game proves me wrong.

9. Carson. Our last 'conversation' involved him telling me five times in three minutes that he was bored. Carson's a perfectly fine dude, but talking with him is like pulling teeth. It also doesn't help that he's cagey, doesn't share any information at all and expects me to tell him everything. Hence, part of the reason why I'd be fine with dumping him now.

10. Jake. I'm over the Andaman drama. He's down this low because we haven't spoken since then, plain and simple. He's pleasant enough in tribe chat though! I'm sure we could get along. Our ships just aren't crossing paths right now.

Alright, back to waiting for people to wake up so we can chat vote. If we can't muster up the votes, or if it gets leaked to Carson, it would be nice to have a plan B.

Okay bless making the merge for one, and bless the good lord below us that I got to the merge with those two live still in tact and untouched so that I could sit on my ass and look pretty in oasis while the one lifers battled it out. When Pat told me he was going to switch with Steffen in and try to protect Wes in the four person round or w/e dumbass name it's been given, I was truly stressin!!! That's my showmance america!! Bein a dumbass and all heroic, look at him go :') jk SDGJKSD WHEN LYDIA WAS LIKE "steve nhas an idol btw" oh i was shaking in my boots that my #1 was leaving but hehe wouldn't that've been funny HEHEHE. 

ok so.........this vote. well ok lemme just break down the merge for a hot SECOND. 

carson - eh??? he close with jenn and mj and jake i do believe but acts like he doesn't talk to anyone , is very transparent and is ALWAYS BORED??? ok go read a book KIDDO. jack - ????????????? it's hard to get a read on jack for me bc we never talked much game before we got put onto the andaman tribe together and then it seemed kinda like walking on a tightrope talking about game with him. apparently he wants to stick with the malaysia cru so i mean i'm not gonna complain but i'm also pretty tired of just being pinned with them because like i want to play a game that stands out from them and doesn't just have the lingering "oh she relied on her built in friends the whle time" jake - this game has been a roller coaster with him and i'm kind of over it at this point. i want to help jake, i really do but there has to be some willingness from him to help himself. i'm not shareef, i'm not gonna hold his hand the whole game and walk him to the end and make sure he's comfy the wohle time. this is all stars, pick yourself up, put your big boy pants on and keep on trucking. anywho, i don't wanna vote jake this vote and told him i'm not gonna. jenn - k jimmy - k lydia - worries me and needs to go sooner rather than later, esp with her being sus'd out by me because of jenn leaking that i knew about the whole entire owen ordeal when i swore up and down that i didnt know and thath e wasn't leaving. anyways, a working relationship at best i think though i am glad that we've built our friendship back up again mj - mess. i want to give mj the benefit of the doubt even when i know he doesn't deserve it. also everyoen is just writing him off compeltely just like jake and im like are y'all dumb?????????????/ whew like they still exist in this game why are y'all just being so blunt like they're dead to you!!!! pat - bae i trust him 100% i know i prob can't beat him in the end but i'd be willing to lose to him if it came to that point because it's been my mission to make sure that he's safe this whole time why stop now steffen - idgi!!!!!1 i've done everythnig i can to like make sure that we're good with each other and he's still really shady when talking about game stuff so w/e wes - okay so! i thought wes and i were good but then upon talking to pat on call today we apparently are not! despite my not ever doing anything to attack wes or anything and constantly wishing him luck on his tribals and stuff and like surviving on the non-oasis type of shit so w/e he was saying my name in regards to not wanting to do what i want as well as what mj wants so he can basically consider himself dead to me and officially on my radar. 

anywho THIS VOTE!!! i was on call with mj last night and he was running through his options of what he wants to do which included lydia, jake, or steffen, and im sitting there pushing for jake to leave of those three options because i still see a use to both steffen and lydia to my game if i want to get a leg up on the other malaysians and give myself much more power. so i was just rattling off ideas and talking about people as per usual and fall on the idea of blindsiding carson? it seems kinda useless from the outside but keeping in mind the thot that two or three idols may or may not still be in play - jake would play one tonight if he had one i am pretty sure, and i do think that carson potentially has one. knowign that mj has the vote peak power thing and whatever the fuck lydia has does make things a little bit easier moving forwards if i'm good with both of them in the future. so cason leaving potentially flushes an idol from jake, sends carson home with an idol and also takes a shot at mj and his numbers without me making it known that that's what im doing. so it accomplishes a lot. 

i talked to pat, lydia, and jenn/jimmy last night about this and they were all down for it. jimmy was kinda pissing me off bcause he just wants to move one round at a time and that's not how i operate. i need to have a game plan fro at least three rounds in the future beacuse i dn't want somoene to get the upper hand before me etc. anyways talkign to pat today and wes is pitchign some bitch fit and im just like noah fence wes but where do you come off acting like you have a ton of power in this game (not saying that i do by any means) but like WHERE IS YOUR ARMY to jut follow through on what you want to do instead of what is beign presented to you with a large amount of logic etc 

WHATEVER i have to go to work so hopefully this works 

so um mj and carson are telling me that the malay-cult and jack are voting out lydia with us but i just dont trust it at all so.... i think im leaving tonight but i cant blow up anyones game bc theres still a possibility that the malaycult is actually voitng out lydia and are just not saying anything to me and they just all suck at the game, which wouldnt surprise me but it wouldnt surprise me if they all voted me out.

so yeh uhhhh this game sucks and i hope mj or carson wins bc literally anyone else winning would be so fucking tragic. uhhhhhhh yeah bye

Okay so......I was feeling Okay about the vote, but now MJ tells me Jake and Carson are voting me which I don't believe he would do if they were trying to blindside me as a team.  But I still don't really approve? If I get voted out with two idols I'm honestly deleting Skype out of pure shame. 

well the plan is to vote lydia? which i guess is ok idk im not rlly aligned with her but im just following mj for now. i love mj and jake.... i just hope its ez idk

steffen is being weird! shook! i love being voted out.