#oh yeah motherfucker

[fluloa]

A TINY TUBE | sam drake x reader [chapter fic]

“Oh, shit.”

Two lines. Two red, thin lines. You blinked one time. Two times. Yep, they were still there, redder than the lipstick sitting in your makeup bag and plastered on a white tiny tube.

What the fuck? Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck?

You had to be hallucinating shit. It’s just really late, that’s all. You’re beginning to see things from exhaustion. Yeah, that’s it.

You stood up, feeling shaky in the legs as you splashed cold water on your face. You looked to the pregnancy test once again.

“Okay,” you sighed. “We’re just gonna take a shower, and head straight to bed. It’s a dodgy test! I did get it from the dollar store.”

Wait— Sam. Fuck. Sam. Your heart picked up a pace. Wait! No, he’s on a fishing trip with Nate. He’ll be back in a night and two days. Fuck. Relax, girl.

Why are you worrying, anyway? It’s a dodgy test.

You strip yourself of your clothes, naked and lightly shivering from the cool wind flowing in from your tiny window. You shut it, accidentally a little too hard and you flinch. Your eyes catch in the mirror in front of you.

You are exhausted, that’s for sure. Bad stomach cramps lately. Your period hasn’t come for a week. You vomited twice in three days. You’ve caught barely any sleep. Your body’s sweaty consistently.

Your hands skim slowly to the lower curve of your belly, the warm flesh feathering at your fingertips. Maybe it wasn’t a dodgy test.

You woke up the next morning feeling almost dead, your hair tangled and eyelids puffed. A part of you was absolutely thrilled about having a small little bean growing inside of you, and the other was drop-dead afraid.

You began to think. The last time you and Sam had sex was about two weeks ago, just before he left on the fishing trip. You both had just finished locating and collecting the patiala necklace and stumbled into a dark, wet cave. Banged it out like no tomorrow. Popped a morning after pill you bought from a Mexican cheap store into your mouth and called it a day.

Okay, you were definitely pregnant.

“I think I’m gonna stop buying medical things from cheap stores.” You said to yourself, reaching down and patting your belly softly.

Your mind drifted to Sam once again. How’d he react? Would he be upset, happy, mad? The baby would affect your jobs, and Sam had told you many times before that he didn’t want to stop nor take a break any time soon. You’ve been together for a year, but hadn’t even bothered to talk about babies. Marriage, yeah. But babies?

Guess you had two days to prepare. You picked up your phone, opening up messages and tapping into Elena’s contact. Sliding the phone to your cheek, you were taken aback when she picked up immediately.

”Y/N.”

”Hey. Can I come o—“

”Yes.” Elena groaned, piercing your right ear with her loud voice. “I’m bored. Cassie’s bored. Get your ass over here right now.”

“Okay,” you laughed. “I’ll be there in five.”

As you go to end the call, Elena yells out three. You laugh again. Of course you would go to her first, especially since baby Cassie is turning one soon and god knows Elena’s information and experience on pregnancy. She’s also your closest and only female friend you have. Then again, you don’t know what her reaction will be.

You’re in her driveway in a flash, with one of Sam’s shirts and some sport shorts. You knock at her door, gasping when it flings open and wind gushes at your face.

“Hey. Love the outfit,” Elena grins. Her warm eyes flicker to your hair, which is effortlessly pinned up into a messy bun as it tilts to a side.

“Thanks.” You mumble, walking into her home and immediately being greeted to a little baby girl crawling her way to you. She gurgles, her shining blonde hair curling out and bouncing as she claps her hands.

“Hey there, honey…” you reach down, ignoring the stinging pinch in your back as you pick Cassie up and bounce her on your hip.

“We’ve missed you,” Elena smirks, as Cassie grabs your hair and yanks it, loosening the bun.

You wince, “I can tell. Missed you too.”

”So, a coffee?” she asks, making her way into the kitchen. You follow her, sitting down on one of the stools and placing Cassie on your thigh. “Or two coffees?”

Shit. Are you allowed coffee while pregnant? You don’t know, and you won’t take any chances.

“Uh— None, thanks.”

Elena frowns, flicking on the kettle while she stares you down. “Okay…”

“Possibly some water. I just brushed my teeth, that’s all.”

You let out a mental sigh when she brushes you off. Nice improv, you think.

“You can go into the loungeroom. Put on some Netflix or something. And no cocomelon.”

You roll your eyes, letting out an exasperated groan. You trudge over to the nearby loungeroom, pinching at the top of Cassie’s shirt and wiping around her mouth. “Mom’s just being a party pooper. Cocomelon is the bomb.”

“Mom heard that.”

“Huh? What? I said nothing,” you say. You decided to put on a kid’s movie, and it wasn’t long until Elena was on the couch next to you with a water bottle and coffee.

“So,” Elena said.

Cassie was playing with your left hand, trying to bend and twist the fingers. “So,” you replied. Elena hands you the water bottle, and you take it with gratitude.

“You gonna tell me something?”

“Right.” You breathed in, something Elena didn’t fail to notice. Your hand tenses around the water bottle, plastic crinkling as you mentally prepare yourself for the outcome. “Um, when did you first begin to realise you were pregnant?”

You avoid her gaze, focusing on the way Cassie’s chubby fingers clutched around your larger ones. When you notice that Elena hadn’t responded for a weird amount of time, you turned to look at her.

Her eyes were wide, a small frown and her mouth open like the letter O. She flicked her eyes to your stomach, then back up to your face. “You’re not…”

”Well—“

”Holy fucking shit, you’re pregnant!” Elena squeaks, and you jump at her loud tone.

“Jesus, Elena. Yeah, I guess so? I think so. I tested positive,” you ramble. Elena’s arms whip out, gripping you firm on the shoulders and shaking you hard. “Hey— hey, Cassie’s on my lap—“

”Hooooly shit! You’re gonna have a baby!” Elena shakes you, and you’re sure you’re going to get a concussion. She finally lets you go, letting you catch your breath. “Was it planned?”

“No, it wasn’t.” Still out of breath, you tuck some hair behind your ear.

“… Does he know?”

“No.”

Elena blinks a few times. “I just… wow. You’re pregnant. And Sam doesn’t know.”

You groan, chugging some water as the coldness strikes your throat, “Yeah.”

“Wait, so, it wasn’t planned.” Elena adds, before dropping her tone down to a playful one, “How did that happen?”

Putting the water bottle down on the couch, you cover Cassie’s tiny ears. “After we found the patiala necklace. In a, um, cave. No condom, and I took a morning after pill.”

You mumble the last part under your breath.

“Oh my god.” Elena sighs, shaking her head as gentle chuckles slip from her lips. Your face flushes warm.

“It was like, intense too. My ass still hurts from when he was pushi—“

”Okay! No more details,” the blonde cries. You smirk, finally uncovering Cassie’s ears and squishing at her soft cheeks.

You breathe out, a sadness dropping into your voice. “But I just don’t know how he’ll react. Don’t know how to tell him.”

“Honestly, me neither.” Elena admits, rolling up the long sleeves of her black cotton shirt. “Sam as a dad… that’s a weird thought.”

“Maybe he won’t have to be,” you say. It’s the truth. You don’t know whether or not you’re going to keep it. The thought of the choice sends a chill down your spine.

“Just see how it goes. Talk to him about it. At the end of the day, it’s your choice.” Elena places her hand onto your arm, her peachy lips out-stretched into a genuine smile. You weakly smile back.

About two hours later, you’re back at your house, munching away at some noodles you spotted in the fridge. The show you’re watching is quite interesting, and coincidentally, a female character just found out she was pregnant.

The female character screams and runs around the house while knocking over a bunch of things.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. You pause mid-eating, noodles dangling from your lips. A rather rough knock. It’s weird, because you weren’t expecting anyone today. You can’t help but feel goosebumps arise on your skin, a sense of fear creeping into you.

You walk over to the door, gliding it open slowly. Your heart then skips about ten beats.

“Hey there, beautiful girl.” Sam grins, fishing equipment dangling from his arm.

You splat out a hey as he scoops his arm around your back, pulling you in swift and kissing you firm on the lips. You’re greeted with the familiar taste of tobacco and pine, a taste you’ve grown to love and adore. But one you weren’t expecting until tomorrow. The warmth of his tongue dips into your mouth, taking you aback and you let a gasp flow from your throat.

He walks you back into the house, fishing equipment dropping onto the tiles with a loud clatter. He breathes against your lips, “Miss me?”

He pushes you against the side of the kitchen bench, his hands roaming along your stomach and legs before gripping at your hips. He picks you up, dunking you on the surface and tongue plunging into your mouth all at once. It’s too much.

Your hands find his shoulders, digging your fingertips into the fluffiness of his black jumper. You gently push him back, to which he surprisingly obliges to and leans back, staring up at you with those all too familiar dark golden eyes.

”You’re early,” you say, huffing as his thumbs massage circles into your hips.

“Sure am. Thought I’d surprise you and come home a day early.” He reaches into his back pocket, fishing around for something. “I got you something.”

You nod as he takes something from his pocket, his hand closed into a fist. Your eyes widen when his hand stretches out, revealing a black beaded necklace that shone a little underneath the kitchen yellow light.

“It was in one of the markets. It’s simple, but I think it’s cute,” Sam explains. He unclips the metal clip, lifting his arms and wrapping it around your neck. You hear a click, your fingers moving to play with the beaded necklace.

“It’s pretty. Thanks, baby.”

He’s already leaning closer as you say those words, his eyes landing on the plumpness of your lips. “You’re welcome.”

His mouth is back on yours again, more aggressive, more hungry. His fingers slip underneath your shirt, the warmness of his tips dancing along the skin of your belly before grabbing at your sides. You let him pick you up (again), leading you to the couch and plonking you there.

He presses at the button of your jeans, skilfully flicking it undone and swiftly gripping onto your metal zipper. He’s moving too fast, and you can’t catch up. You hum an uncomfortable grunt, placing your hands on his chest and pushing him. His face is written in confusion as he jumps off of you, his mouth glistened with saliva and his pupils dilated. Fuck, he looked good. But you needed to talk. As much as you didn’t want to.

“What did I do?” he asks, and god, the look on his face makes you want to just jump back onto him.

“You didn’t do anything, it’s just— we need to talk.”

His gaze averts to the ground for a second, his chest sinking and he wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “Alright.”

He looks worried, and you can tell that he is because of the way his tongue pokes from the bottom of his mouth. He does that when he’s worried. Fuck, there’s that feeling, the yucky swirly shit that thrushes in the pit of your tummy.

“I tested positive.”

You said the words in a big blurred rush, not connecting his burning gaze on you, instead playing with your fingers.

“You… tested positive?” he repeated, his voice wavering and quiet.

“On a pregnancy test.”

His jaw dropped, his eyes now unfocused and not on you and now on your abdomen. “You have a baby. In there.”

“Mhm,” you murmur.

“Oh, shit.”

“That’s what I said.” You dryly chuckle, your eyes settled in a wince and he flicks his attention back up to you. There’s something in his eyes that you can’t pin point.

“You’re pregnant.” He said, sounding as if the words were to himself. “Holy fuck.”

You couldn’t ignore the pain rumbling in your chest, your lips twitching into a miniature pout. He didn’t want it. “Yeah… I know. I can organise an appoi—“

”I’m gonna be a fucking daddy,” he laughed, his teeth poking out as his mouth stretches into a grin.

”What? You aren’t upset?” you question. That wasn’t the sentence you were expecting.

“Are you kidding me? We’re gonna have a frickin’ kid and you think I’m upset?”

“Well, yeah, I mean, I thought it would be a burden. We’re busy all the time, and you’ve told me many times that you don’t want to take a break any time soon.”

“We just found a necklace that gave us about a million each. I’m pretty sure we’ll be fine for now,” Sam grins.

You frown. “But… so… you wanna keep it?”

“Yes. Fuck, more than anything.” He lets out a breathy laugh, leaning over and cupping your cheek. You could just melt. You seriously could absolutely just melt into his hands like a hot puddle of runny goop. He wanted the baby, he wanted it.

He kisses you, a kiss so sweet and sensual that you can barely believe it’s his lips giving it to you. You can’t help but let a groan out, your hands sliding up his back and into his messy brown hair.

“Can’t fuckin’ believe it,” he sighs against your hot lips, gushing sounds forming as he slips his tongue in to catch your own. “My baby’s gonna have a baby.”

You giggle, and it turns into a low gasp when his hand snakes, down to the liner of your jeans and skimming underneath to touch the rim of your underwear.

“This is the only action I’ll be getting for a while, right?” Sam asks, his breath hot and wet against your mouth.

“You know it, cowboy.” You take your own hand and scoop underneath his jacket, slipping it off his shoulder. “So make it worth its while.”

A devilish smirk paints across his lips, grabbing you tight and laying you out on the couch. He hikes his arm up your thigh and wraps it around his large hip, dropping his voice an octave lower. “Yes ma’am.”

[sircantus]

I WANT. secret royalty.

King!Philza pretending that he’s just a random civilian so he can wander in his own streets without fuss. Prince!Techno trying very hard to keep his cover as a random guard in training bc he wants to be able to have a fair fight without any worry of “hitting the heir too hard”. Prince!Wilbur hiding his identity so he can partake in festivities and celebrate with others instead of being the one who is celebrated.

And tommy- I want him to be the one to be constantly blowing their cover with him shrieking “YOURE THE KING?” down the entirety of the street bc he would listen he just would

[soupinaboot]

Do you think Batman ever just casually drops the most insane lore to people at random like it's nothing? Cause I do.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[tobibius]

what's a little (consensual) intimidation between friends?

this is honestly just a 'before' piece to... this meme redraw.

[megacarapa]

i found this post and had to make it with them immediately

[ezziemagpie]

Fanfic authors, please, I implore you, from one writer to another, DO NOT DELETE YOUR WORKS. Change the account ownership, make a different pseud to put it under, anonymise or orphan them, it doesn't matter, just please, please, PLEASE, do not delete them. Please. Even if you think they're badly written, or out of character, or a decade old, or 'cringe', or whatever, there will be some poor schmuck out there who loves what you've written and will cry over its deletion because they forgot to download it. - Sincerely, some poor schmuck who loves what someone wrote and has spent the last ten hours trying to track it down because he forgot to download it.

[fostersffff]

[saints-helen]

CREPIC KANAJABAKNAAN

Anyway.

I like to think that, randomly, while they're in the same room together, epic often just suddenly starts audibly purring.

No contexts, no clear reason why, he himself doesn't even react to it or cross's questioning look, he just carries on with what he's doing.

Up until cross asks him why he's purring. Did something good happen? Are you watching a show, did you order food?

And epic just smiles and replies that, no, not really,

"i just like being around you."

And cross just kinda.. malfunctions, like..

",,o,,oh"

[fipindustries]

ok we are all super cavalier about killing but lets be honest here,

Like genuenly stop for three minutes and imagine doing it irl and then imagine going on with your life.

[ghast1yghosts]

eddie being invited to girls night on the basis they clocked his gay ass & his persona seemed exhausting. and it quickly becomes the closest thing he’s ever had to experiencing “girlhood.”

because although, yes, he’s not a girl—never has been—he grew up hearing all about sleepovers, parties, lunch groups, that he never was apart of. he never had much of anyone, frankly, there was one girl he can’t remember the name of, but he moved away when he was eight. and by then, he was already trying to drop who he was told to be—and just be eddie.

and boys, well, boys are drastically different. the roughhousing, teasing, and constant need to puff your chest up to be seen as cool. he only started doing that when he couldn’t take being alone anymore. at least that way, he still has a good group of guys to lean on.

but the long and short of it is: he never got girlhood. not even something similar. he never got sleepovers, doing each other’s hair and makeup, gossiping about crushes while painting nails, and giggling over romcoms.

he never thought he’d get that. he also thought he never would’ve felt comfortable trying.

yet here he was, in the middle of another girls night at kimmy’s. feeling everything but uncomfortable. he can relax, not care how his voice sounds or how he phrases things. not care if he’s the odd one out because they actually want him there. not care when they tease or pick on him because he knows it’s just fun and they could actually care less.

they didn’t know when they invited him, purely inviting him on the basis of just eddie. but when they found out—when eddie mentioned it offhandedly—they where quick to confirm then clarify that was not the reason for inviting him, obviously. he reassured the girls that he knew that, he just thought to mention it. and my god, nothing changed. it’s was refreshing to just- be. with people. feel comfortable around people.

he just never expected it to be at girls night.

[mysteriouspersonrambles]

Using a kind boy for your own personal gain who’s devoted to you. This guy is 100% Magnus

[jewishraypalmer]

Me: I'm liking White Collar but I feel like something is missing

*Peter gets kidnapped and Neal goes absolutely feral*

Me: AH THERE IT IS!!!

[eggcakes27]

[sillysymbol]

my awesome dr strangelove image compilation

[hanzajesthanza]

i am the staunch defender of regis’ sobriety i will never not take the chance to remind everyone he doesn’t drink. from the most depthful analysis to the character fic to the throwaway jokes and incorrect quote posts. i will not let anyone forget about this