#oh well! i had to chop out a ton of things on the list to get it down to 10 (local chiz whiz was kept off the list for r e a s o n s o k)
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good evening~~ hereâs my very cursed(!!!) top 10 list on the most redundant [redacted] anime features off the top of my head~~
debates and disagreements welcome~
10- lxl and basketball
pointless inclusion that was pretty much just an excuse to get chiz to openly thirst over aizo. and to emphasise on just how much better aizo is at sports as compared to his poor sidekick yujiro. just male leads being male leads, ig
i mean, sure, it gave us that beautiful ball e mv, but lxlâs sporty [redacted] anime-induced hobby wasnât worth much in general.
9- the inclusion of â
of gen 2 tbh
they were pretty much just background extras for the most part, except for ken, who gets bonus moments thanks to being the male leadâs brother. heck, poor kodai doesnât get much time to shine, despite being the adoring bf of one of the three heroines of the show. mans got more screentime either behind his camera, or as juri love flashbacks during her conversations with the jk trio.
as for the others, arisa got like 5 seconds of screentime (and 4 of them occurred in the sports fest ep, romeo ed included), and kotahina were nerfed to heck and back. they were written to be competitive and stubborn characters, so why were they portrayed to be nothing more than your average caring senpai towards hiyoko? a nd cultural festival w h e r e ? helloooooooooo~~~?
sure, the sports fest ep did give gen 2 in general a chance to show their stuff, but it was clearly more of viewer fanservice for pre-[redacted] anime fans who know and love these characters for who they truly are.
8- aizoâs ��trauma revealâ
idk about you, but hiyoko does not need to know about aizoâs trauma. i mean, yeah, i totally get where kenâs coming from. as a scumbag older sibling myself, i, too, get the urge to dump lots of info about my brother to complete strangers. but. itâs just that. hiyori⌠really didnât need to go âoh thank god it wasnât real trauma. now. how can i fix him?â.
she really didnât need to say that mans. all forms of trauma are valid forms of trauma⌠if that makes sense. she canât just decide that someoneâs trauma âisnât real traumaâ and then go ahead and liken it to her dislike for squid. and that includes aizoâs trauma with ladies. not cool.
on the bright side, at least aizoâs local idol boo yujiro took his trauma seriously and stood by him even as their manager had a trauma minimising session with his brother. and speaking of yujiroâŚ
7- that someya âscandalâ
what the heck was that ep 4 someya scandal lmao. itâs never brought up again????? not even by koichiro and tamagoro in the later episodes??? do they even know that there was a scandal about them??? bruh. what was it even there for lol. the gayze???
i mean, yeah, heâs totally the shame of the someya family for going ahead to be the less popular member of a popular idol duo, with said idol-ling being something he had received the head of said someya familyâs permission for. but he had debuted without his familyâs name anyway so??? does it even matter???
it wouldâve actually made sense if it had a call back in a later episode, with, like, the reveal that maybe chizuru or one of the 100000 aizo stans there apparently are had leaked yujiroâs last name online in an attempt to take him down so that aizo can have a solo idol career or something. but no. itâs just never brought up again.
but before we drop the topic of yujiro like how his in-universe popularity dropped to 0 in the adaptationsâŚ
6- yujiro arrest reason
this. made. no. sense. either.
did the [redacted] anime throw darts at a dartboard of possible plot ideas to decide how the someya family side plot was going to go?? or was it decided with an online prompt generator?? or was it the result of a game of mad libs with the office crew????
like? lol? who smuggled koichiro into the bar??? and wh o let baby face yujiro into the bar??? and how did none of the staff at the bar question it?
though. wait. how the heck did hiyoko even see enough distinctive features of yujiroâs during the night that she witnessed his police encounter to identify him when they next crossed paths in the classroom? she was looking at him from above from her spot on a flight of stairs in dim lighting. just how good is her eyesight? hello?
5- repurposed yumefan
yeah yeah i k n o w the [redacted] anime staff justified their choice to use yumefan as a song to encourage hiyoko bc âitâs a song about encouraging othersâ and stuff. but still. yappa saikyou would probably have worked too, since itâs about not wanting to lose to your rivals and aiming to surpass the rest and stuff like that. or they couldâve just. yâknow. kept nonfan in their setlist anyway if they wanted to dedicate a song to their friend(?) slash manager, since that songâs mv was the first mv that hiyoko had worked on, and thus, â¨memories⨠are there, yâknow?
either way, the [redacted] anime staff saw yumefan, decided âok itâs for women nowâ and had it dedicated to hiyoko and got the narumi sisters to cover it as a special ed. much wow. aizo would be proud. and speaking of aizoâŚ
4- yuko in the countdown live
she moved to france in the lxl movie, so what is she doing here in the first place? to watch her estranged son hxld hxnds with some rando onstage? go back to france, yuko.
3- nagisa arc
the main problem i have with nagisaâs arc is how forced it felt tbh. it kinda felt like it was just. shoehorned into the plot? it just. didnât flow well. like⌠especially how nagisa was completely written out of the plot after he hopped on that train. lxl had been teasing hiyoko relentlessly about nagisa till he left. then it was just like. he never existed?? excuse???
i mean. i love nagihiyo. donât get me wrong. itâs just⌠the way the [redacted] anime staff plotted it into the story felt⌠off.
look, you see, i think the nagisa plot wouldâve worked better as a season closer. like, after all that friendship drama and scandals and stuff, we get a breather in the form of the nagisa visit. he could be visiting for the countdown live, or for a christmas or new yearâs visit for all i care, but itâd give the lxl + hiyoko trio, with newly strengthened bonds of friendship after all theyâve been through (thanks chiz), a chance to show off their cooperative skills with the hiyoko makeover sequence and subsequent nagisa encounter. heck, itâd even give nagisa another reason to be wary of lxl, since âarenât these the dudes from that relationship scandal you were in? you should be more careful around them frâ could be a legit point of concern. plus! it could lead into a post-series uni timeskip or something for that sweet, sweet nagihiyo uni arc crumbs!!
hmmm. well. in the end, i still hate how nagisaâs existence was all but retconned after his episodes. poor lad. he deserves better!!! and speaking of deserving betterâŚ
2- the narumi sistersâ appearance
for sena, as she has co-starred with lxl in the past, and since she is still in the industry, itâs no surprise that sheâd make an appearance or two. however, the r e a l problem is how she was handled. she was only abruptly thrown into ep 6 to fit in yet another âuwu woe is me im not cute uwuâ hiyoko moment in the 24 minutes of terror. plus, those sena-mona moments make no sense whatsoever if youâre a [redacted] anime-only who doesnât know how lxl and the narumis know each other. viewer fanservice at its finest, ig.
now. mona.
#notmymona
w h o is that girl and why does she have our angelâs name and face? i swear, the only redeeming trait she has is that her character design was done by moge, which is. yeah, much cuter than her lxl movie cameo appearance.
but aside from that. who is she? she has no goals, no ambition, all she does is go âuwu i look up to my sister who i envy⌠but nvm iâm here to be your relationship therapist so thatâs enough about meââ
she doesnât even get to perform in the [redacted] anime even though there was an entire joint-artiste concert in the last episode. she doesnât even salt about her nasty encounter with yujiro (which wouldâve made for a more interesting topic during her second encounter with hiyoko when they talked about conflicts with friends, instead of being demoted to a bonus manga tbh). sheâs so bland, she makes plain spaghetti taste like carbonara.
and speaking of carbonara, we return to lxl for number one, which isâŚ
1- the lxl shower scene (no image bc g o o d l a w d w h y w o u ld i include it)
they are 15. we donât need that extended shower scene. we donât need to know that hiyoko has no qualms about barging into the showers for the opposite gender, with said members of the opposite gender being completely nude and uncomfortable when she did so. we just. didnât need to see any of that.
who was that scene even made for? help???? just how bad did they think their own show was that they felt the need to put in an out of place scene of teen boys showering to pad the runtime?? excuse???
#good evening mom said that it was m y turn to be toxic on main s oâ#pls feel free to argue with me about my top 10 list i wanna see some c o n fl a ke s yk#mmmmm⌠but really though. am i the only one whoâs uncomfortable with the scene i put as my no. 1? hmmmmmmm#oh well! i had to chop out a ton of things on the list to get it down to 10 (local chiz whiz was kept off the list for r e a s o n s o k)#couldnât even put it as âtop 10 momentsâ bc there are too many moments that had to be lumped in together to condense it down to 10 lmao#so!!!! letâs clash over our different opinions okay~? m i s s i o n s t a r t ! ! !
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What You Deserve Part 12: Is This You?
Masterlist: Here
CW: Mentions of death
Tag List: @littlered0000 @saramelaniemoon @ali-r3n @sapphire4082 @sweetmoonlove0214 @eddies-girl-22 @darknesseddiem @peaches-roses-sins @blckburd @comeonatmebruh @daisy-munson @cultish-corner @mrsjellymunson @aol19 @micheledawn1975 @2000babies @marshmallowgem @ang3lc @angelina16torres-blog @transparentenemypenguin @alilstressyandlotdepressy @josephquinnsfreckles @plk-18
A/N: This is going to upset a lot of yâall for possibly two reasons but trust me it hurt my heart to even write it, but I still hope you enjoyâ¨
âSo what did you think of the class?â âIt wasâŚgoodâŚnice yeahâŚyou looked goodâŚreally uhm goodâŚyeahâŚâ âthank youâŚ.but I meant did you think it helped you at all?â âOh rightâŚyesâŚI did uhâŚlearn some good stuff and I think if I took a few more classes Iâd feel a little better about uhmâŚbeing homeâŚalone more.â âWell youâre more than welcome to come to the next one orâŚeven just a regular kick boxing class if youâre interested?â âOh that sounds funâŚuh whereâŚare we going? This is-â âwhere I grew upâŚâ âyou grew up here?â âYupâŚrightâŚhere actuallyâŚâ âit looks niceâŚis that the van youâve been working on?â âYeah thatâs herâŚsheâs nearly doneâŚwould you like to go inside?â âOh uhm yeah yeahâŚletâs go.â
âThis isnât what I was expecting the inside of this trailer to look like.â âI had it upgraded last yearâŚbut something tells me you wouldâve liked the way it looked originallyâŚâ âhow did it look? Not that this isnât niceâŚitâs very well done whoever did it-â âI didâŚI didnât want anyone else to mess with itâŚso I just did it when I had timeâŚ.took me a while but it was worth it.â âYou like doing things yourself donât you?â âOnly important thingsâŚlike thisâŚand the vanâŚâ âand DaveâŚyou fixed him yourself.â âWell heâs pretty important isnât he?â âI think soâŚbut you really grew up here? Was it just you and your parents?â âMe and my dad yeahâŚWayne.â âWayne? Thatâs a good name for a dadâŚI like that name.â âIt is a good name isnât it? Thatâs why I named the garage after himâŚit felt like a name people would trust leaving their car atâŚhe was a great mechanicâŚtaught me everything I know.â âI agreeâŚnaming the garage Wayneâs Auto Shop was a smart choiceâŚthatâs a huge reason why I started taking Dave there.â âThat makes senseâŚI think you and him wouldâve gotten along really well.â âHow long has he uhmâŚ.been gone?â âAbout three yearsâŚbut uh feel free to take a look aroundâŚâ âOkayâŚI have your permission to be nosey?â âYesâŚopen all the drawers and snoop through all the cabinets you want to sweetheart itâs fine.â âIf you say soâŚâ
âEddie?âŚEddie is thisâŚis this you?â âOh yeahâŚyeah thatâs me and the Hellfire club from high schoolâŚyou know a few of those kids like thatâsâŚDustinâŚand MikeâŚand Lucas.â âThatâs cool and all but is that your hair thatâs down to your shoulders?â âYeahâŚI used to have long hair for a while until I got tired of wearing it up for work so I just cut itâŚ.why do you look like you want to cry?â âYou hadâŚthis beautiful hair and you just chopped it off?â âI mean I can grow it out again ifâŚyou want? I just got tired of it and wanted a change thatâs all.â âYouâd grow it out for me? Really?â âItâs just hair sweetheartâŚif you want it long then sureâŚIâll let it get longâŚwhere did you find this picture anyway?â âIn the back bedroomâŚcan I askâŚwhat are we doing here?âŚreally?â âUh wellâŚI know you donât feel comfortable being alone at your houseâŚbecause of William andâŚI wanted to show you this place because if you wantâŚyou couldâŚmove inâŚâ âI could move in here?â âIf you want? William doesnât know this place even exists so youâd be perfectly safeâŚnot that you arenât safe at your house now but I just want you to feel comfortable being aloneâŚso just know this is an option if you want it.â âThis is huge Eddie I couldnât justâŚmove in hereâŚthis is your house.â âBaby does it look like anyone lives here?â âNo butâŚthis is where you grew up and you probably have tons of memories here and-â âI doâŚI have lots of great memories of living hereâŚbut I took those memories with me when I moved out a long time agoâŚso now you can come in and make some of your ownâŚin a place that you feel comfortable and safe inâŚbecause I know everyone in this park so trust meâŚyouâll be safe here.â âIâll think about itâŚâ âokayâŚthatâs totally fine take all the time you need.â
âSoâŚthis is the van huh? Sheâs niceâŚsmells like weed in the back thoughâŚâ âThatâs probably because I used to drive this around to make drug deals at house parties and offered customers the back seat to get high in for an extra fee.â âAh so youâve always been a business man then?â âOh yeahâŚ.Iâve always found a way to make a living..now I just do it legally.â âSteven told me you used to be an assholeâŚ.is that true?â âI was an angry teenagerâŚI used to be mean to people before they got the chance to be mean to me so yeahâŚI was an asshole.â âI canât imagine you being mean on purposeâŚâ âWell good thing you didnât know me back then sweetheart because I probably wouldâve made you cryâŚWayne always used to get on my ass about the way I treated girlsâŚâ âreally? But youâreâŚyouâre soâŚamazing?â âNow I amâŚbecause I finally became the man I was meant to be instead of the one I thought I wanted to beâŚâ âand thatâs because of Wayne?â âYeahâŚwe had a rough few years right before I graduated high schoolâŚI used to just yell at him and heâd stand there and take itâŚand then heâd just hold me while I cried and told him I was sorryâŚhe always used to tell me he knows the man I can be if Iâd only stop fighting itâŚso I justâŚstopped fighting it.â âWell thank god for Wayne becauseâŚI quite like the man you are right nowâŚâ âyeahâŚthank god for WayneâŚready to go sweetheart?â âYeahâŚIâm readyâŚthanks for bringing me here Eddie.â âYouâre welcomeâŚthanks for listening.â âAnytimeâŚI like listening to you talk about your dad and your wild high school days.â
#what you deserve#eddie munson series#eddie munson au#sugar daddy!eddie#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fluff#Eddie Munson fanfiction#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#Eddie Munson x fem!reader fluff#Eddie Munson#wayne munson#stranger things au#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things series#my little dungeon master baby
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Chapter 30: Costuming
During the Clone Wars, the Bad Batch is tasked with a variety of missions across the galaxy. An unexpected addition to their team throws a wrench in the mix, particularly for Tech, who finds a particular connection with this disillusioned Padawan-turned-mechanic named Vel throughout the events in this action-adventure romance. COVER ART BY @zaana!!
Master List of Chapters
LISTEN. I am chopping and rearranging the canon timeline like nobodyâs business, but I swear it all works out. ;) If youâd like more of an explanation than what I tried to convey in the story, check the notes at the end of the next chapter. Itâll be well worth it, trust me. ;) Also⌠I know there are tons of âwait, but what aboutââ kinds of points to be made with where the story goes, and I was going crazy trying to account for them all, but⌠just⌠ssshhh. Just enjoy. LOL!
â-----------------------------------------------------------
âLook at youuuu!â the grizzled old shopkeeper exclaimed, clapping Vel on the back as she faced a dirty old mirror. âItâs like it was made for you, sweetie!â The delight on the womanâs face was so pronounced that Vel couldnât do anything but stare at her reflection, mouth slightly open in a dumbfounded stare.Â
âI⌠ah⌠Thank you,â she stuttered, barely able to recognize the person looking back at her. Sheâd never been one for makeup, but everything had escalated quickly out of control today, and she now had dark, accentuated eyebrows, bright green eyeshadow, and peachy pink lips. Her hair had been piled on top of her head, twisting in some elaborate poof that led to a large green flower before spilling down her back. She wasnât sure sheâd ever seen so much green in her entire life. On the plus side, it did compliment and contrast with her skin quite well, and it made her smile inside as she remembered Tech noticing that her eye color was not gray, as many assumed, but a dark pale green.Â
âOh honey⌠He is going to have trouble getting his eyes off of you!â the vendor continued, making one last adjustment to the puff sleeves as Vel awkwardly tried to pull the tight shirt back over the frilly bra cups. Sheâd never seen such a contraption â this âpush-upâ bra suddenly made her look as though she were significantly more well-endowed than she was, and with the polka-dot shirt tied snugly at the top of her stomach, the hems curved over her now-voluptuous chest and created the illusion that she was positively spilling out of it. Not only that, but the skirt, as twirly and fun as it was, had a huge slit nearly all the way up, which meant that anything more than a small step would reveal the seamed stockings and garter belt underneath. Fortunately, it was high-waisted, and accentuated with adorable gold buttons that held in the parts of her stomach she was less confident about. But other than that, it didnât leave too much to the imagination. When the woman produced a sharp pair of black high heels to go with it, Vel couldnât help but chuckle and shake her head.
âI donât think I can walk in those,â she admitted, noting that even the bottom of the soles was the same flashy color as the rest of the outfit.
âThatâs what his arm is for,â the woman answered, waving her off as though it were a ridiculous thing to say. âCome on, step in. Wait til you see what these do for your backside!â
After only a few ungainly wobbles, Vel stood up straight again, and the ensemble was complete. She stared at herself in the mirror, puzzled at the conflicting emotions. No matter how many times the shopkeeper reassured her that she was stunning, beautiful, and would have been a complete hit during the era these clothes were popular, there was an odd queasiness in her stomach. She wasnât one to be âsexyâ... the disaster with Jouren Terrik had cemented that. And when sheâd gotten fancied up for that, with a dress that covered much more skin, Tech had said she was good bait for the unintelligent male gaze. She was much more comfortable in a mechanic's coveralls or loose-fitting tunics; things she could hide behind rather than being exposed, noticed, and found wanting. Taking a deep breath, she tried to shift her perspective⌠She was simply playing a role tonight.Â
(LOOK!! Fanart by @mythical-illustrator that inspired this chapter! And my mental image for Tech's costume)
* * *Â
The cab stopped in front of 79s, which was every bit as uproarious as Tech had made it out to be. Even more so tonight, apparently, with the contest going on. Tech had come across the advertisement for it while they were grounded on Kamino for a while. Their mission to Anaxes had led them to Skako Minor, where they discovered a clone who had been horrifically modified, imprisoned, and used for the military strategies in his mind. After his rescue, heâd decided to come with the Batch, feeling it to be a better fit than trying to return to his old squad, and theyâd been summoned to Kamino for him to receive proper medical treatment and rehabilitation, as well as better-fitting cybernetics.Â
So while Echo was âbeing upgradedâ, as Tech had put it, the rest of the crew enjoyed some rest. Or tried to. Never ones to be in the same place for long, they began to get restless, each in their own way. Vel was positive that if Wrecker worked out any more, he wouldnât fit through the Marauder door, and she hadnât even seen Crosshair for a few days now. Tech was lost in the holonet, at least until he came up with this fantastic idea.
The delegations from Pantora and Alderaan had offered to sponsor a costume contest at 79s, âto raise morale and thank the troopsâ. That in and of itself wasnât very attractive, but the considerable monetary prize promised to the winner definitely was. Since Echo was still in bacta and didnât look as though heâd be done anytime soon, Tech had tried to convince the team to go for it. He was immediately shut down, even by Wrecker, which was a surprise. But the look on his downcast little face had tugged at Velâs heart so much that sheâd agreed to do it with him.Â
When the day arrived, theyâd spent the entire afternoon in various seedy parts of Coruscant, sifting through âtreasuresâ at a variety of shops that featured all sorts of things that people had decided they didnât want. Many of the items were old and ragged; some were intriguing in their foreign nature, being from other planets and other centuries. Vel could have sworn theyâd gone through at least twenty possible costumes, but Tech had something in his mind, and he was determined to win. Maker knows they could use the credits, but Vel was starting to tire of his relentless search for⌠something.
His triumphant proclamation upon discovering the set of costumes they were now wearing had been music to her ears⌠until she saw what he was holding up. Her green ensemble had been wrapped around a dusty mannequin that Tech had picked up by the breasts, completely unaware as he was so distracted by his discovery. Along with it came a three-piece brown suit â the jacket and pants were lightly pinstriped, and the vest was a heathered beige color with the same gold buttons that adorned the high waist of Velâs skirt. The tie and pocket square matched her outfit as well, and the final piece was a funny-shaped hat with a thin swash of fabric running around it.Â
âTechâŚâ Vel began, but she was cut off immediately.
âI cannot believe it! If these are authentic, they are truly a piece of lost history!â he exclaimed. Vel had questions, but she knew he was far from done. âIf I am not mistaken, these are standard pieces of clothing worn by humans on a planet that is long since gone. Well, not gone, but entirely desolate. Their short-sighted waste management techniques and unsustainable environmental practices led to the planetâs abandonment, but before that⌠There were quite a few centuries of fascinating history. This style of clothing was worn during and after their second âworld warâ, which is inaccurately named due toâ Never mind. The point is simply that these are genuine artifacts from a time period and civilization that is long gone. Something so unique will easily set us apart and ensure our success in the contest.â
âI donât think people will know⌠Or, likeâŚâÂ
âAhh! Hello, my beautiful clients! Iâm so happy you found those!â the shopkeeper had appeared out of nowhere, the delight on her face mirroring Techâs. âThose have been in my family for generations. A real piece of history! It would warm my heart to know that they are being put to good use and seeing life again.â
âIâm just not sureââ
âWe would like to purchase them,â Tech interjected, and Vel covered her face with a hand. He balked upon hearing the price, and after a very thorough and nearly heated period of negotiations, the costumes were theirs, as well as a full makeover for Vel from the shopkeeper, who was apparently an expert on the fashions of other planets.Â
So as she began her precarious high-heeled walk across the platform toward 79s, Vel had plenty of regrets to mutter under her breath, most of which she had tried to say earlier but had been prevented from completing. A couple of comments from passersby caught her ears, suggesting that perhaps she was the hired entertainment or possibly an âunderworld dweller looking to make some money tonightâ. She grimaced, walking more stiffly as she scanned the crowd for Tech. The heel of one of her shoes found a crack on the sidewalk, jerking her off balance and sending her toppling to the side with her arms flung out. A pair of strong arms caught her, lifting her back to her feet with a gentle chuckle.Â
âEasy girl,â a trooper in a pilotâs uniform crooned as she steadied herself, not letting go of her arm and waist even once she was situated. âLooks like you fell into the right arms. Need some help getting around tonight?â His greasy grin and frequent glances at her outrageous cleavage did not give off good vibes, and she furrowed her brow with a snarky retort at the ready.Â
âThat will not be necessary,â came the pert voice she most wanted to hear, and the pilot turned to see Tech standing behind him. His outfit was similar to his casino disguise in the way it stood out like a sore thumb and also made Velâs heart flutter. The smart brown suit and hat were slightly loose on his frame, but the wing-tipped shoes had miraculously been a perfect fit. The pilot turned back to Vel, who had jerked her arm back with a stubborn expression.
âYouâre⌠uh⌠with him?â the trooper asked in disbelief.
âDamn right I am,â she snapped, lifting her chin. âAnd you might want to work on your game.âÂ
âHey!â he squawked, holding his hands up in surrender, âI just thought you were aâŚâ
âDo not finish that sentence,â Tech said firmly, stepping closer. His extra three inches of height came in handy as he gave the pilot a stern expression, moving past him to take Velâs hand and wrap it around his arm. âAnd best wishes in your pursuit of sexual release.â
A laugh burst out of Vel before she could contain it, and the sight of the cloneâs face as they disappeared into the crowd of the club was one that would bring her mirth for weeks to come.Â
âWhat?â Tech asked, tipping his head toward her with a slight smile.Â
âWhat do you mean, âwhat?ââ she exclaimed, shaking her head in disbelief. âThat was brilliant.â
âIt was merely a statement of fact,â he returned evenly, although she could swear she saw a glimmer in his eye.Â
âYou didnât mean it as a jab?â Her tone was laced with suspicion, cheeks starting to hurt from smiling so hard.
âHm. Perhaps it functioned in multiple ways,â he observed, eyebrows slightly raised in complete innocence.Â
âAlright, clever boy,â Vel chuckled, snuggling against his side. She was eternally grateful for his steady frame and gentlemanly arm as the club doors whooshed closed behind them.
reblog artwork by @vimse!
Tag List: @merkitty49 @vimse @arctrooper69 @dystopicjumpsuit @starrylothcat @ghostperson69 @dreamie411 @savebytheodoresnonjosestuff @523rdrebel @clonemedickix @sinfulsalutations @ughhhhfoff @coraex @amorfista @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @followthepurrgil @littlefeatherr @sunshinesdaydream @thew0nderer2342 @dangraccoon @iceskategirl18 @chickentenderx @skellymom @girl_scout_reject @mooncommlink
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#tech fanfic#tech fanfiction#tech fanart#fanfiction writer#fanfiction#fanfic#star wars fanfiction#the bad batch fanfiction#tech romance#tech x oc#tech and vel
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supernatural s6e19 mommy dearest (w. adam glass)
well my whole eve/victoria pedretti mind connection (also this afternoon was crying for a good 20 minutes while painting and rewatching the haunting of hill house) this disabling the exit to the bar and then everyone trying to eat each other reminds me of that church scene in midnight mass (was she even in that one? lol) but way less emotionally fraught. and shorter. adds to the list of gif comparatives of various stuff with spn that i may never get around to because making gifs is tedious work i don't particularly enjoy.
i think i'm delighted to hear licensed music because it's so infrequent now and it's a lot more fun than the score đŹ
when i was a kid, i helped my dad fill shotgun shells using something like this (primarily for shooting skeet at a range though he also hunted)
anyway. dean is using a literal tablespoon to put the phoenix's ashes in these special shells apparently. fear not, a well used shotgun shell reloader in the back there (lee load-all reloader only $79.99 at cabela's!)
DEAN Why has it always got to be me that makes the call, huh? It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. (Cas appears behind him. Dean turns around, surprised) Cas, get out of my ass!
CAS I was never in yourâ
wait hold up is this like that weird wording that i talked about before, out of your ass...
okay this must be a wording thing because they had pestilence use the same and i was very perplexed by the phrasing. SHERIFF MILLS I lose my job over this, I am taking it out of your ass! s5e21 DR. GREEN You mean my brothers. What they did to my brothers. No. The only reasonable thing to do here is toâŚtake it out of their healthy young asses!
that's so strange. anyway. woo they can use more gay innuendo jokes because they have a non-brother dude who we're saying/joking/but actually saying has Feelings for dean to be on the receiving end (har har) đ
LENORE I remember. Your hunter friend almost killed me.
SAM Well if it makes you feel any better, uh, he turned into a vampire and I chopped his head off.
DEAN Yeah. With razor wire. Wicked.
dean's so proud
okay so thank fuck they didn't make sam kill another pretty lady that was a monster. we don't need madison 2.0.
CAS We needed to move this along.
mr funny again
đ§ââď¸đ§ââď¸
CAS Something in this town, is, uh, it's affecting me. I assume it's Eve.
DEAN So wait, Mom's making you limp?
CAS Figuratively, yes.
DEAN How?
CAS I don't know, but she is.
DEAN Well, that's great, because without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.
SAM I think you hurt his feelings.
don't be an asshole, dean. this is why i called cas a work friend :p
my dad travelled a ton for work when i was a kid so he always had a company car. one of them was a chevy caprice classic like this one, but white.
well the baby in the trench coat decapitated someone. good enough for you, dean?
reflection in the glass just reminding me of how model-pretty jensen's face is
are the kids gonna be monsters and try to eat sam and dean. okay the oldest "kid" has visible stubble and is 24. baby face and short stature and no pesky child actor rules
CAS We need to find Eve now.
DEAN Yeah. Go. Me and Sam just gotta make a milk run.
CAS We need your help here.
DEAN Hold your water. We'll be back in a few.
CAS Dean, Dean. Millions of lives are at stakes here, not just two. Stay focused.
my face at the "stay focused": đ like being told to relax
DEAN Are you kidding?
CAS There's a greater purpose here.
DEAN You know what, I-I'm getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I'd like to do now is save a couple of kids. If you don't mind. We'll catch up.
*schmoopy music*
oh the brother mush intensifies! big brother tells little brother he should get some rest and they cuddle up to sleep. and sam looks at dean, dean smiles fondly. sam makes his thinking thoughtful face out the window as he (obviously) thinks about how dean took care of him haha
BOBBY They won't take long.
CAS You don't know that. They may find more wayward orphans along the way.
đ
BOBBY Oh, don't get cute.
CAS Right. Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with "sarcasm". It was a bad idea â letting them go.
BOBBY Come on. You don't let Sam and Dean Winchester do squat. They do what they gotta. You know that.
haha pissy cas again, a treat. and ain't that the truth, they're gonna do what they want to do, come hell or highwater
oh my god the extended family reunion and the exchanged looks with sam and dean. WE GET IT, GUYS. feeling soft about big brothers taking care of little brothers. saving lives, reuniting families
this is so interesting, in a way, because i had no idea that cas had this darkside situation going on. the thing with the souls, the torturing. i know nothing about his character arc! when i know a lot about sam and dean's
lol so one of the kids was a monster. all gone, the mushy feelings
EVE You look upset. If it makes you feel any better, Ryan was bound to work on you. Little wayward orphan, like yourselves. There's nothing you can do about it now. So let's talk.
samantha smith's voice (eve as mary here) reminds me of someone in hill house. i think elizabeth reaser (played shirley [also esme in twilight])?
this whole thing is a lot. glad dean had some amazing forethought to consume some of the ash to make himself poisonous to her eating him LOLL
cas finally gettin something cool to do
demons *gasp*
so is cas working with crowley? i admit to tuning out a little when eve was talking about the soul battery stealing plan
well i guess that answers that. something weirdly satisfying about crowley scolding cas, what's that about
while i was looking up sam's boots, because i'm a weirdo, this site boldly declared dean winchester smells like some particular fragrance. i thought that was weird to be so specific without a source mentioned and so then i go searching the internet for dean winchester cologne. and ended up some pinterest link that is a youtube video of a con thing with j2 and jackles saying he wears tom ford "wood" (note: it's oud wood, but oud means a type of wood. agarwood wood.) and "it works" and then padalecki asking where he sprays it. i think for my sanity it is best i continue to avoid bts/con related content
like, nothing on the hey i know you front. suddenly started getting exclusively side characters actors i've never seen in anything else
also i guess eve is dead? that was anticlimactic. like a slightly longer than usual monster of the week. i guess we can't be working under the threat of being sent to hell all the time
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#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION
2024 MOVIE LIST
www.tumblr.com/theharpermovieblog
đHALLOWEEN 2024đ
I re-watched Faces Of Death (1978)
Yeah, that's right, I made this mistake.....again.
A coroner introduces footage of death.
Before the internet and streaming there were video stores. Places where people shopped around and either bought or rented physical copies of movies.
As a child, my parents were pretty lenient with what I could and could not rent. In their eyes, being a fan of horror from an early age wasn't seen as dangerous or as a bad thing. If I wanted to rent "Halloween 4" over and over again, my parents let me. They didn't understand my love for the genre, but they accepted it.
However, there was one movie...one series of movies actually, which I was not allowed to rent. Those films were called "Faces Of Death".
The rumor was that "Faces Of Death" had real death and real murder and real gore. Snuff films. The ultimate in fucked up horror. Kids my age all wanted to see it. Some kids even lied about having seeing it to look cool. It was this crazy Holy Grail of a taboo that made our little immature brains run wild.
So, is the original "Faces Of Death" all it's cracked up to be? Is it as wild as we all thought? Were my parents right to draw the line there? Well....yes and no.
"Faces Of Death" Really is just a clip show of some faked footage, some real surgery footage, some nature footage, and some footage of car accidents and such. But, then there is a ton of real animal cruelty and animal suffering on top of it.
Pretty early on there is footage of dog-fighting and it's heavily upsetting. There is also tribes of people killing and eating animals, which is fine because it's how they survive, but I didn't particularly enjoy watching it. We see a chicken get it's head chopped off on a farm too, which is also upsetting, but necessary for the farm I suppose. Anyway, you get the point. It's sitting through upside down sheep bleeding out, animals being skinned and It's not fun to watch if you ask me.
Simply, It's cheesy footage mixed with upsetting footage and it's a real bore of a downer. I suppose it does have an extremely minor educational value, but that's really pushing the definition of "educational".
This movie is neither enjoyable nor entertaining. In fact, if you find it such, you're probably a bit of a creep.
As a little kid I wanted to rent every one of the "Faces Of Death" films. Today, I'm glad I didn't watch any of them beyond the first. I'm actually upset with myself for re-watching the first one for this list.
Oh hooray, I saw animals slaughtered. Happy fucking Halloween. I need a drink.
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cee cee i have an idea!!! what about Cool and Cultured bookshop owner! tae and dorky y/n walking past the store everyday and one day goes in and strikes a conversation about a fancy book like catcher in the rye and talks about the symbolism of rye in the book and tae's like :0 das wildly inaccurate but you're kinda cute so here's my number so we can talk more about rye and y/ns like :0
âş pairing;Â kim taehyung x reader
âş genre;Â wowowow handsome & well-read bookkeeper!taehyung, fluff!!!! the kind of fluff that makes you feel like youâre wrapped up in a warm blanket sipping on a mug of hot chocolate on a nice autumnâs day when the leaves are just starting to turn red and orange, y/nâs kind of a dummy but in a very loveable kind of way, featuring namjoon the (sort of) wingman
âş wordcount;Â 6.2k
âş summary; the catcher in the rye? oh, sure - of course you know that book! itâs about catching loaves of bread, right?
âş what to expect;Â âi called it catch her in the eye, joon.â
âş note; our (first??) drabble of the month as voted by you guys! i finished writing this the day after it was decided that bookkeeper!tae was the winner because thatâs how excited i was about him >:-) enjoy!Â
                    ââââ-ăâ´ăââââ-ÂŤÂŤ
âand⌠open your eyes!â you exclaim, throwing your arms up into the air excitedly as namjoon takes his hands away from his eyes
he blinks owlishly before looking up and-
âyou brought me to a bookstore!â he gasps, a smile immediately spreading over his features as he claps his hands together, âoh, this is great! usually, you bring me to those awful rock-climbing places, or that horribly violent paintball gun place, and even when you brought me to the movie theatre the tickets were for that gory r-rated horror movie-â
âokay, letâs not get carried away-â you hold a finger out to shut namjoon up before he can list out moRe reasons as to why you seem more like you hate him instead of love him, âthe point is: this time, i brought you to a bookstore!â you smile proudly before crossing your arms
not to toot your own horn or anything but you did a pretty good job with this surprise
you even did tons of research to find the best bookstores in the city!!
which was difficult because namjoonâs been to like.,,. EVERY bookstore in the city
but not this one!
to be fair, it was a long forty-five minute car ride to get here so you understand why heâs never come out here himself
ââŚthis isnât like⌠a weird bookstore or anything, right?â namjoon narrows his eyes in suspicion before taking a step back and looking up at the name of the store again
the secret garden
oh!!!!
like the book!!!!
how clever :D
âwhat do you mean?â you frown, placing your hands on your hips before glancing back up at the name as well
the secret garden
hm
kind of a lame name for a bookstore
âlike aâŚâ namjoon trails off before clearing his throat, âyou know, like a bookstore thatâs actually a sex dungeon or something like that-â
âew!â you immediately make a face before shaking your head quickly, âwha- why would you even say that?!â
âwell, i donât know!â namjoon holds his hands up in defence, âiâve never been to this bookstore before-!â
âthis is a regular olâ bookstore, joon. i promise!â you clap your hands on his shoulders before giving him a squeeze, âjust the way you like it! old, dusty, and full of nothing but boring books.â
namjoon beams
thatâs exactly what he likes to hear
see, today is your seven year friendaversary with namjoon
you guys have known each other since middle school and noW the two of you are in your final year of university which is crazy
and so, for the past seven years, youâve gone out on this day to celebrate your beautiful friendship because honestly youâll take whatever excuse to go to a restaurant to try to get free dessert (âyeah, weâre celebrating our anniversary! so, iâll take three orders of your chocolate lava cake-â)
you guys usually take turns where one year one of you will plan an entire day of fun activities for the other, and then the next year, the other person will do it because that seems like a relatively fair system
last year, namjoon took you to this cute pottery place and you ended up making these adorable matching friendship mugs
theyâre both a little lopsided but thatâs just part of their charm!!
namjoon painted his a beige-brown and you painted yours a BRIGHT purple and then you traded mugs (so that when he comes over to your apartment, he has his mug, and when you go over to his apartment, you have your mug!)
he also insisted that you guys carve your guysâ initials on the bottom of yours and draw a heart around it which you thought was a little much but you are⌠very fond of namjoon so youâd jump off a cliff if he asked you to
admittedly, most of the things that youâve planned during your years have been catered to your own personal desires so youâve been a little unfair but namjoonâs always been too much of a sweetheart to say anything about it
and for the most part, heâs a pretty good sport even though itâs blatantly obvious that heâd rather chop a toe off than spend the afternoon doing your chosen activity
the last time it was your turn two years ago, you took him to a go-cart track and spent the entire two hours practically driving circles around him because he was driving like ten kilometres an hour
the only reason why he wasnât driving like one is supposed to drive on a go-cart track (i.e. like a maniac) is because he was worried that if he went too fast heâd get a ticket or something
and kim namjoon does not get speeding tickets
not on the real road and most certainly not on a man-made road either!
for the record, he definitely didnât appreciate you calling him a slowpoke and telling him to eat my dust, bitch! and he still brings it up from time to time whenever he wants to guilt you into doing something with him (âiâm not switching muffins with you. itâs not my fault you donât like yours!â ââŚhey, remember that time you called me a slowpoke and told me to-â  âtake the muffin.â)
anyways
heâs glad that this is just a normal bookstore and that he doesnât have to worry about whether or not one of your activities is going to end in him losing a limb for the first time
what a wonderful way to end the day!!
actually, you guys still have to grab dinner after this where youâll try to squeeze as many free desserts out of the restaurant as possible as per usual so this is a wonderful way to almost end the day
the little bell hanging above the door chimes as the two of you step in and almost immediately youâre greeted with the warm smell of what youâre pretty sure is hot chocolate??
âi love this place already.â namjoon breathes out, his jaw dropping in awe, âi wanna live here!â
âokay, keep it in your pants-â the door starts to shut and you nudge namjoon forward to keep from getting your butt nipped by the door
you donât even get a chance to say anything else before namjoon suddenly darts off
so much for keeping it in his pants
you pause when you get a good look at the place
huh
for some reason you feel like a lot of instagram pictures have been taken here
itâs obviously an antique place but itâs like one of those trendy antique places
a brass chandelier hangs from the ceiling, the (fake) candles casting a golden glow over the entire store
thereâs a spiral staircase that curls up to the second floor
the walls are covered with floor to ceiling shelves stacked with, duh, books, but even for what you thought would just be a dusty old bookstore⌠itâs pretty nice in here!
thereâs even an archway in the centre of the place that leads to what looks like a pretty cozy reading space for customers which is a nice touch
and there are people sipping on mugs of hot chocolate too!!!
you canât help but wonder if you need to be reading a book in order to get a mug of cocoa
you like the hot chocolate part but youâre not as excited about the reading part
ây/n, come on!â you look over to see namjoon - who already has three books cradled in his arms - waving you over enthusiastically, âcheck it out! itâs a vintage boxed set of the chronicle of narnia series! and theyâre leatherbound-â he practically moans before nudging you towards it, âhelp me take it out?â
ânarnia?â you snort, tilting your head so you can look at the titles pressed into the spine of the book, âisnât narnia, like⌠for kids?â
the last time you read the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe was when you had to read it for a book report in like the fourth grade
you glance over your shoulder to look at namjoon who now has an unimpressed frown on his face
âwhat??â
ââŚyou insult me.â he sniffles, âjust help!â
you roll your eyes playfully before turning back to pull the thick set out of the shelf and-
âhello!â
â-!â
the sudden sound of a strangerâs voice nearly makes you drop the set but you manage to prop the edge of the box back up onto the shelf before it falls and breaks all the bones in your foot
you turn to look at whoever-
oh my
hello indeed
âwelcome to the secret garden.â he smiles kindly, tilting his head at you, âdid you need any help with that, miss?â
oh good god
his voice makes you feel like youâre wading through a river of warm caramel
and youâd happily let yourself drown in that river
two seconds go by where you donât respond at all and instead you continue staring at mr. caramel with very obvious hubba-hubba eyes
âi think weâre good, thank you!â namjoon clears his throat, elbowing your back gently before offering a smile of his own
âoh, alright! well, my nameâs taehyung,â taehyung reaches up to adjust his glasses, âplease let me know if you need assistance of any kind - iâll just be up at the front. if youâre just here to relax and read, iâd be happy to whip up two mugs of hot chocolate for the two of you!â
âawesome! thank you.â namjoon nods all while you continue smiling at taehyung dazedly
he waits until taehyung disappears before turning back and looking at you
ââŚwhatâs wrong with you?â
âiâm good, thank youâŚâ you whisper your very delayed response and namjoon moves his head so that heâs blocking your view when you lean back a little to try to look at taehyung sitting behind the front counter, âholy moly. iâd let him explore my secret garden-â
âoh, now look who canât keep it in their pants-â
âhey, you should look at this as a good thing!â you grunt as you adjust the hefty box in your arms, ânow iâll willingly drive you back here⌠whenever you want.â
namjoonâs eyes immediately light up
                     ââââ-ăâ´ăââââ-ÂŤÂŤ
you and namjoon end up returning to the bookstore about two weeks later
last time, namjoon wanted to stay longer (and so did you, honestly) buT you were pretty close to losing your dinner reservations and you werenât about to give up your free chocolate lava cake just to stare at the cute bookkeeper from afar like a creep
so you had to leave!
namjoon ended up leaving with the boxed set and a couple other books so suffice to say, he was pretty happy
and when you suggested visiting the bookstore again this week⌠well, namjoon had to jump on that opportunity, didnât he??
you?? offering to take him to a bookstore?? again??
youâre obviously only using him as an excuse to go into the bookstore so you can spend hours watching taehyung like a weirdo but heâll take it
namjoon hums happily as he takes a sip of his hot chocolate before licking a little bit of whipped cream off his top lip
he wonders if taehyung would be willing to share the recipe to it because this is honestly the best hot chocolate heâs ever had
namjoon looks up from his book when he hears you let out a sigh for the tenth time in the last two minutes
oh god
look at you!
âoh⌠and heâs good with kids, too?â you sigh blissfully as you prop your elbow up on the arm of the sofa chair before leaning your cheek against your fist
you watch fondly as taehyung gets down on one knee, holding two fists out for a little girl
she taps his right hand shyly before quickly wrapping her arms back around her momâs leg, peeking at him from behind it shylyÂ
taehyung flips his wrist around and uncurls his fingers to reveal a single caramel, his face lighting up briefly as she takes it from his open palm into her little handÂ
âi donât know why you canât just go up and talk to him-â namjoon snorts at how lovestruck you look before peering around the corner of the archway to look at taehyung too, âitâs not a big deal. heâs really nice!â
âi canât just go up and talk to him. are you kidding me?â you frown, shaking your head, âwhat am i supposed to say??â
âtell him you need help finding a book!â namjoon states as if itâs the most obvious thing in the entire world (because it is) before slapping the book on his lap shut, âjust out of curiosity - what book would you ask him to help you find?â
you lean back against the sofa chair before twisting your lips in thought
hm
book?
what bookâŚ
what was the last book you read�
ooh!
âesio trot!â you perk up, namjoonâs eyebrows knitting together in confusion because he has no idea what just came out of your mouth-
âesio- oh my god, esio trot as in the roald dahl childrenâs novel??â namjoon frowns, âno! you canât go up to taehyung and ask him to help you find esio frigginâ trot-â
âokay, you donât see me making fun of you for buying what you bought last week, mr. chronicles of narnia-â
âyou did make fun of me!â namjoon gawks, âin fact, youâre still making fun of me for it-â he waves his hand to cease the conversation, âlisten to me. from the very few times that iâve spoken to taehyung, itâs clear that heâs⌠cultured, you know?â
âcultured⌠like yogurt.â you joke, slapping your own knee gently, âget it?? because yogurt is cultured? cultured yogurt??â
namjoon resists the urge to roll his eyes
see?
this is exactly what heâs talking about
ââŚyes, y/n. i get it. anyways, as i was saying- taehyung is just veryâŚâ namjoon kisses his teeth as he tries to think of how to phrase his words, ââŚwell-read⌠intelligent⌠scholarly⌠refinedâŚâ
you tilt your head in curiosity as namjoon continues listing out a bunch of snooty sounding adjectives
wait a minute
âare you-â you scoff, straightening up in your seat, âare you calling me dumb??â
hey!!
youâre not dumb!!!
itâs not like books are super complicated to figure out or anything
all you have to do is read whatâs inside of it and you certainly know how to read!!!
and sure, sometimes you still donât know if receive is spelt receive or recieve or if business is spelt buisness or biusness, but that doesnât mean that youâre dumb!!
âno, no, iâm not calling you dumb!â namjoon shakes his head quickly, âiâm just saying that if you had a choice, you would choose a movie over a book-â
âwell, yeah - obviously i would choose a movie over a book.â you snort, âwhy would i waste eight hours reading tiny little words on stiff white pages when i could be watching a movie that compresses the entire story in a convenient one hour and a half??â
âiâm your friend, and i donât want to watch you make a fool of yourself!â namjoon argues, âbecause if you do, then youâll be too embarrassed to ever come back here again, which means that iâll never be able to come back here again-â
âwhatâs stopping you from coming here by yourself?â
âbecause every time i tell you that iâm going to the bookstore, youâre going to ask me a bunch of taehyung related questions when i get back-â
okay
thatâs a fair point
that sounds like something you would do for sure
âalright, fine!â you huff before crossing your arms, âwhat book do you suggest i go up there and ask him to help me find?â
namjoon twists his lips in thought
hmâŚ
âcatch her in the eye!â you chirp, folding your hands behind you book as you smile brightly at taehyung
namjoon feels his own face flush at how confidently you just said that and he immediately slaps a hand over his mouth to keep himself from screaMING
he told you to ask taehyung to help you find the catcher in the rye
NOT CATCH HER IN THE EYE
âthe catcher in the rye?â taehyung nods, âsure! of course i can help you find the catcher in the rye.â he returns a smile as he steps out from behind the counter, âfollow me, please!â
you shoot namjoon a big thumbs up and a faT grin as you pass by the entrance of the archway and he gives you a weak one in return before turning back and slumping against the couch
oh boy
âŚheâs never going to come back to this beautiful bookstore, is he?
âyou were here about two weeks ago, werenât you?â taehyung asks as he looks over his shoulder, the two of you trotting up the spiral staircase, âwith your⌠boyfriend, right? you guys bought the boxed narnia set.â
âhm? oh!â you let out a little laugh, âyes, that was us, but joon- namjoonâs just my friend. um, that day was actually our seven-year friendaversary and heâs a real dork for books so i thought itâd be nice to bring him here-â
itâs in that moment that you suddenly hear namjoonâs voice in your head reminding you that youâre supposed to act like yoU like reading too
âi mean-â you clear your throat, âi, too, really like books, so i- you know, it was a mutually pleasant experience for the both of us t-to be here-â you chuckle nervously
hopefully you were able to save your own ass there
that was a close call!!
you trail behind taehyung as the two of you weave in and out of the bookshelves
you didnât get a chance to come up to the second floor last week
but itâs surprisingly nice up here!! Â
thereâs a lone sofa chair in the corner with a little coffee table sitting next to it
very nice for customers who prefer to read alone
âah, well, thatâs very thoughtful of you!â taehyung nods before suddenly pausing, âiâm so sorry-â he spins around and you nearly bump into his chest but you manage to stop yourself just in time, âi just realised i never got your name.â
ây/n. iâm- iâm y/n.â you stick your hand out quickly for him to shake
you feel a little zap! travel from your fingertips to the rest of your body as soon as taehyung takes your hand in his
he gives you a gentle shake before squeezing your hand lightly and then letting go, âwell, itâs very nice to meet you, y/n. now, give me a second to find the catcher in the rye for youâŚâ
taehyung turns to thumb through the books on the shelf and you feel your heart flutter in your chest as how pretty he looks from the side
wowie
you canât help but take your bottom lip in between your teeth as you continue to admire taehyungâs features from the soft swoosh of his hair to the rosy pink of his lips
how can one man be so pretty?
âah- here we are!â taehyung pulls a book out of the shelf and you quickly snap yourself out of your daze, âthe catcher in the rye⌠a novel by j.d. salinger.â he hands it to you and you take it before blinking down at the cover
âŚthe catcher in the rye?
what happened to catch her in the eye???
âitâs a great book.â taehyung hums, âhave you read it before?â
âoh, i⌠i have!â you scoff, making a face, âduh, of course i have. i mean, itâs⌠you know, itâs such a⌠um, a powerful novelâŚâ you clear your throat before reaching up to scratch the back of your neck, âi mean, the last time i read it was actually in⌠high school⌠so⌠you know, iâve forgotten most of the details but i figured itâd be nice to get a refresher, you know?â
(you never read this in high school.)
((you just made namjoon summarise the entire book to you in the form of a poorly drawn stickman comic and even then you still didnât fully understand the story.))
âabsolutely! thereâs nothing wrong with revisiting old friend from the past,â taehyung chuckles lightly, âin fact, i was reading animal farm the other day- what kind of literature do you typically read?â
you press your lips together tightly
oh god
namjoon didnât prepare you for additional questions Â
literature??
quick!
what kind of literature do you typically read??
âŚ
tell him you read all kinds of literature!
that sounds like a legitimate answer, right?
âi... read⌠all-â
youâre cut off by the sound of a bell chiming from below and you let out a breath of relief when taehyung scurries past you to peer over the balcony
âiâll be right there!â he holds a finger up at the customer waiting by the front counter before spinning around to face you again, âwas there anything else you needed, y/n?â
âwha- i-â you stammer, unable to come up with a non-creepy reason to keep him up here with you, âno! no, this was-â you give the front cover a hearty slap, âthis was all i needed-â
âperfect!â taehyung claps his hands together, âwell, let me know. you know where i am!â Â
he disappears down the staircase before you even get a chance to thank him
the smell of his cologne lingers in the air as you make your way down the staircase and you canât help but beat yourself up over how your interaction with taehyung went
it wasnât a bad interaction or anything
in fact, you think you did a pretty good job at acting like a bookworm!!
itâs just thatâŚ
you donât think it was a particularly memorable interaction for taehyung
that was just a typical customer interaction for him
you were supposed to charm him!!!
impress him!!
sweep him off his feet!!!
tickle his brain!!
âhey, buddyâŚâ namjoon coos as you plop back down on the sofa chair, âhow⌠did it go?â
heâs afraid to hear your answer because it certainly looks like it didnât go super well
damnit
he knows this moment is about you but now heâs thinking about how heâll probably never be able to taste this delicious hot chocolate ever again
âgot the book.â you grumble, tossing it onto the coffee table before shaking your head, âi called it catch her in the eye, joon.â
âyeah, i⌠uh, i heard you.â namjoon nods understandingly, crossing one leg over the other before leaning back against the couch, âi donât think he heard you say that, though! i mean, he knew what you were looking for right away.â
namjoon knows you well enough to see that youâre currently spiralling down a self-pity hole right now
oh boy
âhey, you know whatâll make you feel better?â he leans forward to give your knee a comforting squeeze
âwhat?â
âhow about i buy this for you so you can read it and fully impress taehyung next time with your newfound knowledge-â namjoon points to the book youâve abandoned on the table, âand then we can go for chocolate lava cake!â
your eyes widen slightly
âfree chocolate lava cake?â
âno, not free-â namjoon snorts, getting up from the couch before reaching back to pick up his bag, âi mean, iâll pay for it. my treat! so, yeah. i guess itâs kinda free for you.â
âthat sounds nice!â your frown is almost instantaneously replaced by a grin, âif i get more free things from you just for being sad, iâm going to be sad more often-â
âwhat?? no! do not pretend to be sad just to get me to pay for things-â
taehyung glances over from the front counter when he hears a twinkly laugh and he canât help but smile lightly at the sight of you giggling away in the sofa chair
your nose scrunches slightly as you let out a little snort and he presses his lips together to keep himself from beaming too wide
y/n, huh? cute.
                     ââââ-ăâ´ăââââ-ÂŤÂŤ
(taehyung canât stop thinking about you and your absurdly cute face.)
                     ââââ-ăâ´ăââââ-ÂŤÂŤ
itâs another two weeks later that you come back to the secret garden - but this time, you come alone.
and to be honest, you⌠donât know if this was a good idea or not
because joon was with you for the last two times and you were definitely using him as a security blanket so now you feel like youâre about to dive into the deep end of the pool without any floaties
you were going to ask if he wanted to come with you but you felt like this was something that you had to do alone
you swallow thickly as you tuck your car keys into your pocket
namjoon canât be your bookworm wingman forever, right?
the store is almost suspiciously quiet as you step in, the little bell ringing above your head as per usual
your classes ended a little later today which is why you werenât able to come in the afternoon
pluS you had to find a way to get namjoon to go home without you without raising any eyebrows so that sucked up a little more of your time
you were going to tell him that you were going to stay on campus to study at the library but even you couldnât believe that
so you told him that you had a group project to work on which was why you couldnât have dinner with him tonight!
you jump in surprise when the door suddenly slams shut behind you from the breeze
itâs a little chillier now that itâs november but itâs nice that you get to wear cozy cardigans and snuggly sweaters now
âiâll be right there!â
you hear taehyungâs voice ring out from the second floor and you swallow your nerves as you stand up a little straighter
fake it till you make it, right?
i love books
i love books so much
i love books so much that i would fuck a book if i could!
...okay, maybe not that one.
you glance around the store - there doesnât seem to be anyone else here
which makes sense because the sign says that the store closes at 7pm on weekdays and itâsâŚ
6:50
wow
so youâRE the asshole who comes into the place ten minutes before closing time
good one!
âso sorry for the wait, i was just-â taehyung pauses on the steps, his face immediately lighting up when he sees you, âoh, y/n!â
âhi!â you chirp before reaching up to scratch the back of your neck, âsorry i came ten minutes before youâre supposed to close⌠i wanted to come earlier, but i had a thingâŚâ
âoh, donât even worry about it!â taehyung snorts, tossing the dirty rag over his shoulder, âi was just doing some dustingâŚâ
you feel your mouth go drY as soon as you notice what heâs wearing
heâs wearing a henley tee (except all the buttons are undone and aLso he has his sleeves pushed up to his elbows), dark wash jeans, and a pair of tattered black converse sneakers
itâs just the casualness of it all that makes it so sexy
âso, what can i help you with tonight?â taehyung tosses the rag onto the counter before pushing his glasses back down from the top of his head
he adjusts them slightly before blinking at you and you find it awfully cute that his doe eyes now look a little bigger through the thick lenses
what can he help you with tonight?
âŚyeah, what can he help you with tonight?
the downside of not telling namjoon about your solo mission is the fact that namjoonâs usually the one who plans every little detail out for you
and you just came here on a whim
you donât have a plan
you donât have a plan at all!
your plan was to just come to the bookstore to see taehyung because you wanted to see taehyung
âiâŚâ
âoh, by the way-â taehyung perks up suddenly, âhow was your little trip down memory lane with the catcher in the rye?â
the catcher in the rye?
the catcher in the rye!!!
ah! yes!!
thatâs definitely something to talk about!
âŚwait a second
you-
you didnât read the book
oh god
you had two weeks to read the book and you didnât read the book
almost immediately you feel your anxiety sPike back up and you canât help but scold yourself for not bringing namjoon along with you
if namjoon was here, youâd just get him to say all the main points and youâd stand right next to him throwing in the occasional âyes, very good point!â and âof course, i completely agreeâ every now and then!
âthe catcher in the rye!â you blurt out, suddenly aware that you havenât spoken in like ten seconds, âi- yes! the book was- it was great. i thoroughly enjoyed it. i would definitely read it again!â
âhey, thatâs great!â taehyung laughs lightly, âyou know- i mean, i have to ask because i always ask this question to people whoâve read it- what do you think the main theme of it is?â taehyung hums, âbecause iâve always thought it focused a lot on alienation, you know? i mean, a loss of innocence is obviously another theme, what, with holden wanting to be sheltered from the harshness of adult life- i really think it can actually be seen as some kind of social commentary⌠like a critique of the superficiality in society-â
âof course, i completely agree!â you nod furiously, âthose are very good points-â
âiâm sorry, iâm probably sucking up all the oxygen in the room-â taehyung smiles sheepishly before shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, âso what do you think?â
if there was ever a moment for a black hole to appear in the floor and swallow you whole⌠youâd want for it to happen right now.
actually, youâd want it for it to happen whilst you were driving to the bookstore so that you wouldnât have even gotten the chance to say hi to taehyung
âi think⌠well, i⌠first of all, i agree completely with everything that you just said about aliens and⌠you know, a loss of innocence and how hard adult life isâŚâ you stumble over your words, your face beginning to flush from how idiotic you probably sound, âi just⌠i have to talk about my favourite part in the book! you know, the part where holden- holden, thatâs the name that you just mentioned- he⌠he does such a great job at catching those loaves of bread. i thought that part was hilarious.â
you clear your throat at the end of your mini-review
taehyungâs eyes flicker slightly and for a second you think youâre in danger of being called out for obviously noT having read the book butâŚ
he nods slowly and brings his hand up to stroke his chin thoughtfully, âi mean⌠yeah. i completely agree! that part always gets me! why donât you go on? iâm interested in hearing more of your thoughts.â Â
oh
oh!
hey, would you look at that??
phEW
maybe youâre better at improvising than you thought you were
now knowing that youâre on the right track gives you a booST of confidence and you give yourself a mental pat on the back
you canât wait to tell namjoon about this
heâs going to be so proud of you!!
you grin before nodding enthusiastically, âof course! i have a lot of thoughts to share on the book. i mean, i personally think it was an interesting choice on the authorâs part to choose rye as the main ingredient, because he had⌠so many other options that he couldâve gone with! and also - did he go with light rye or dark rye?? because throughout the entire novel, he never actually specifies what kind of rye bread heâs referring to-â
taehyung leans back against the counter and crosses his arms, smiling politely as he continues to listen to your rye bread rant
itâs obvious that you definitely didnât read the book but he was genuinely curious as to what you would be able to pull out of your ass which was why he asked you to go on
he doesnât think anyoneâs ever gone into a full-blown ramble about how the catcher in the rye is actually a narrative on the benefits on rye bread for lil olâ him before
but, for the recordâŚÂ
itâs really cute how much effort youâre putting into your analysis to try to impress him
âiâm sorry, i need to- i need to interrupt you-â taehyung giggles, cutting you off right as youâre about to dive into a discussion about the number of loaves holden caught in the novel, âas much as i would love to hear more⌠everything thatâs coming out of your mouth is wildly inaccurate, y/n.â
what
...
oh my god.
âwh-â your throat goes dry and you choke a little, âwhat?â
âbe honest- did you read the book?â taehyung asks flat-out and you feel your cheeks burning up again
uh-oh
âiâŚâ
okay
forget it
you canât do this anymore!
itâs too stressful!!!!
ââŚno.â you press your lips together before shooting taehyung a sheepish grin, âthereâs no catching loaves of bread in the novel, is there?â
ânot even one loaf.â
âoh, god-â you groan quietly, reaching up to cover your hot face with your hands at the realisation that you just very confidently ranted about the importance of rye bread in this novel for the past five minutes, ânot even one?!â
mortifying!
absolutely mortifying!!!!
well
itâs time to tell namjoon to find a new favourite bookstore because you are nevER bringing him back here agai-
âhey, itâs totally fine!â taehyung laughs lightly, stepping closer to you so that he can pry your hands away from your flushed face, âi actually think itâs really impressive how long you can go talking about bread-â
âyou let me- you knew that i hadnât read the book yet you let me continue talking about bread-?!â you gawk, taehyung now bursting into a full-blown chortle as he throws his head back, âhow could you??â
âi couldnât help it!!â taehyung wheezes, reaching up to flick a stray tear away, âiâm sorry! iâm sorry, really, i am-â
even when heâs laughing at you, your stomach canât help but feel fluttery
âyouâre lucky youâre pretty-â you snort, shaking your head gently, âotherwise i would be way more mad at youâŚâ
taehyungâs laughs dwindle down into light chuckles and you swallow thickly when he takes a small step closer
âyouâre lucky youâre pretty.â he retorts playfully, reaching over to move a strand of hair away from your eyes with his pinky finger, âotherwise i wouldnât have let you talk my ear off about bread for five whole minutesâŚâ
...he thinks youâre pretty?
âoh yeah?â you challenge, reaching over to jab your finger into his chest
taehyung reaches up to wrap his fingers around your wrist before offering you a particularly boyish smirk, âmm, yeah.â
you donât miss the way his eyes flicker down to your lips for a split second and you know itâs way too soon but you really want him to just lean down and kiss youâŚ
âhey, do you like dessert?â taehyung pulls away suddenly before turning to make his way behind the counter
âde- dessert?â you ask dumbly, still a little dazed from... that
what was that?!
âmhm!â tae leans down slightly and flips a couple of switches underneath the counter, the chandelier light shutting off first before the other little lights begin to switch off as well, âthereâs a little diner about a block away that makes really good strawberry cheesecakes.â
âi love dessert!â you nod, âand strawberry cheesecake sounds really yummy.â
âgood! in that case, would you be interested in sharing a slice of cheesecake with me and perhaps delving deeper into your rye-based analysis?â taehyung teases as he grabs his coat off the back of his chair, his keys jingling in his hands
you snort lightly
âi would love to share a slice of cheesecake with you but i refuse to embarrass myself further, so weâre going to have to find something else to talk about-â
taehyung holds the door open for you and you immediately shiver as you step out, the chilly air a stark contrast from the warmth of taeâs cozy store
you jolt in surprise when taehyung reaches down and slips his fingers in between yours (which he later explains he only did because his hand was cold and definitely noT because he just really really wanted to hold your hand) before beginning to tug you along next to him
âwell, we can talk about the fact that you thought the name of the book was catch her in the eye-â
âi knew you heard me! i knew it!!â
help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)
why donât you explore the rest of the library while youâre here?Â
or perhaps you want something shorter to read?
#requested drabbles#bookkeeper!tae#taehyung drabbles#taehyung fics#taehyung fic recs#taehyung drabble recs#taehyung fluff#taehyung fluff recs#bts fics#bts fic recs#bts drabbles#bts smut#bts smut recs#bts fluff#bts fluff recs#taehyung smut#taehyung smut recs#bts cute#taehyung cute#taehyung gifs#taehyung hot#taehyung#kim taehyung#taehyung x reader#reader insert#bts au#taehyung au#bts taehyung#bts v#bts writing
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⸠CHAPTER 5 | " ILLICIT AFFAIRS "
starring: enhypen ft. i-land daniel
pairing: jungwon x fem!reader x sunghoon
genres: royal au, romance, angst, slowburn, 18th century setting
word count: 1.8k
taglist: @serendipitysung @angeljungwon @en-sun @affectionaterainoflove @renkiv @softforjungwoo @jislix @fluffi @gyeraniee @stxrryemxlys
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âThe morning sun has come, and the evening moon is gone. Dearlings, I am elated to apprise you of the events at the debutantesâ ball that occurred as of late, and must I warn you, they're not for the feeble spirits!
The ton is abuzz with the most beefy tale as Northumberlandâs jewel among the lovely rocks, Miss Y//n Park, has earned herself a ticket to glory! She danced with the most favored noblemen in the ton and surely, she went home with a hearty grace as she'll most likely expect an abundant roster of suitors in the following days.
Not only was she offered a dance by our dear second-born, Lord Yang, but she also had the privilege and pleasure to be twirled around the court by the most charming, Lord Lee, and the ever coveted nobleman among the ton, Lord Park, the next-in-line Duke of Northumberland!
Where's the beef you might ask? Well, it seems to me that these men are blindfoldedly playing fire with each other.
Not only does Lord Lee has women wrapped easily around his fingers, he has men too! With a sly steal of Miss Y/nâs hand from Lord Yang last night, he certainly left the chap earnestly plotting for a segue of intrusion- and Lord Yang intriguingly delivered!
With the timing in its most opportune, Lord Yang managed to finally dance with the young miss, in private! Ooh! This is new! My senses told me they spent their waltz in the Queenâs library, alone! How in the world did they let this happen to the tonâs jewel unchaperoned? That is something the Daily Tattle is unfortunately unable to unearth, but the mystery will continue to haunt us for long. Do take note: the more you hide in careful secret, the more people will know and hear about it.
What happened next will have you either boggled, or enchanted! The young lord abruptly rushed out the room before the music even ended! Should that be counted as a waltz at all? Before you ask about the enchanting part, Miss Y/n was seen dashing out the room moments later in tears and evident heartache. What do you think happened in the mere minutes of alone time in that large 4-cornered room?
But come now, enchanting stories aren't as they are without a knight in shining armor. In fact, in our young missâ case, her knight wasn't clad in shining, silver sheath, but in magnificent and elegant, vintage red tailcoat draped over a loose white jabot shirt thatâs cleanly tucked into the black, satin knee breeches, finished off with a pair of shiny Hessian boots. With skin as white almost akin to snow, it complemented perfectly with his ravishing fit. The beautiful marquess certainly dressed himself valiantly for the seasonal occasion. With that stunning presence, anyone would surely presume he went to the ball looking like a duke in careful search of a duchess.
Lord Park and Miss Y/n surprisingly became one of the ballâs highlights as they graced the Royal Court with the most heart-stopping, corset-itching, tantalizing waltz. All the while their faces are almost an inch apart from each other, a brooding identity was found hiding in the crowded corner of the hall! Under the bright gleam of the grand chandeliers, our dearest second-born, Lord Yang, was seen eyeing the two with such stare that even the buffy slice of vanilla cake on Lord Sunooâs plate could almost melt in a blink of an eye!
Among the splendid tales told by yours truly, which tea do you think tastes like sweet ecstasy of oddity and fervor? It is the ton's tradition to portend the ladyâs endgame by the person whom she had her last waltz with. From one man to another, should these prophecies dictate Miss Y/n Parkâs fate?
Well, don't turn your heads away now! The story's just begun.â
The mid-morning sunrays peek through the large leaves and busty trunks of the hibernating redwood trees lining in disarray. Y/n is just about to plummet into her habitual readings in the Kielder forest and the autumnal breeze is keeping up with her bubbly morning approach, fortunately.
The sounds of the birds chirping and the dead leaves crunching under her shoes creep up through her puff sleeves making her tingle in giddiness and enthusiasm. She deeply inhales the aromatic forest and lets out a giggle in the process. With jumpy leaps and crispy leaves echoing in her every move, the young lady surely knows where she's going in this partly mysterious forest that is most often open only to men and men alone.
Somewhere deep in the evergreen woods, Y/n has built a fortress of her own for whenever she needs to run away from the seldom, mundane life in the manor. At the heart of Northumberland's famous Kielder Forest, lies a small, whimsical looking fort made up of translucent voile casually hanging on a tree branch. One of her lady maids helped her out with the fabric one time and it still stood prettily among the chaotic scenes that go around in the forest today.
She enters her slightly sheer fort and sits down on a pillow that she stole away from the comforts of her bedroom. Flipping the olden pages of the aged Jane Austen book she borrowed from a boy several years back, she heaves a sigh at the sight of a dead Catalpa flower resting on a particular page accompanied by a little, worn out parchment dating back to when she was a tiny ten-year-old lassie. She reads,
Her eyes drifted over the page to where the note and the old flower were situated. The pads of her fingers graze over the certain phrases that were underlined by the book's owner that says, âI cannot make speeches. If l loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am.ä¸ You hear nothing but truth from me.ä¸â
She suddenly feels a gush of nostalgia and loneliness upon muttering the words she had ultimately carved in her tongue way back; reciting each word with fervor while she bask herself under the brightly-lit moonlight in their garden. How can children of ten gobble up such emotions at once? So much for a pair of hopeless romantic hearts from the distant years of ten, screaming disagreements and would later huddle on a sprawled out table cloth on the flowery fields, exchanging sentimental poesies and stolen stares.
She relives the brief moments they both shared last night in the Queenâs library, and ponders on how one could be so adjacent to the changing of tides in the sea; promptly, and mostly without warning.
âWell, well, well. If it isn't the feelings I've been trying to avoid.â She whispers to the autumn air. Unfortunately, her pondering truncates as snaps of twigs and crisps off dried leaves echoes in her corner. She hastily crawls out her hand-made canopy and brushes away any pieces of tiny crumpled leaves off her dress.
âWhat are you doi-â
âWho are you?â She cuts off the startled chap cladded in ragged clothing, apparently embodying that of a mainland farm boy.
âGreetings, your ladyship. I come in peace and I am just here to fetch the chopped woods Iâve laboured a day prior for the farm.â The chap with a very odd accent replies with both hands hanging mid-air. âYou are fully aware that you shouldn't be in this place, especially unchaperoned, right?â He continues.
âI am fully aware. But such matters shouldn't concern you.â
âIndeed, my apologies. Furthermore, I will respect your unspoken wishes if it is truly your desire to keep your whereabouts hidden from your townspeople. My lady.â
Y/n relaxes from her bold stance as she found a hint of kindness from the odd stranger. Surprisingly, she extends her hand out to the stranger for a greeting.
âPlease. Call me Y/n instead.â The boy looks at her open palm for half a minute before shaking it, looking as equally surprised as the young miss with the sudden gesture.
âYou live pretty far from the town, huh?â
âI do. Life's utterly chaotic over on your end?â
âOh, you don't have the slightest idea.â They both share laughters and inside jokes of their own livelihood that made the young miss settle her shoulders down comfortably.
âI'm Jake Sim. Just Jake Sim. Apparently, my name was originally Jaeyun, but the farm folks got used with Jake and so did I. They said it sounds more Australian.â
âWhy would they associate your name with something Australian?â Y/n grew more curious as it was, after all, the first time she's ever been with a person that's not of Northumberland's proper.
âI grew up in Australia.â
âThat's curious. How did an Australian boy land among the ragged farms of Europe?â
âIt's complicated. The story involves a lot of conspiracies so it's definitely not for your ears. Some other time, maybe?â Y/n smirks at the sudden brazenness from her newly found acquaintance.
âIs this an Australian thing where we shift from acquaintanceship to something more?â She teases.
âCertainly, if you're down to it on your next Kielder visit?â
âFor sure. But as for now, I must take my leave. My presence is very much needed for the promenade scheduled for me today.â Y/n half-covers her mouth as if reaching out for a whisper, hissing the last sentence.
âAh! Rich people things that I could never.â The chap could only roll his eyes at the fancy thought.
âSee you soon, Just Jake Sim!â
âWhere have you been, princess?â The young miss scoffs at the marquess upon arriving at the townâs park, with a hand immediately sliding through Lord Parkâs arm.
âDown with the flirtatious remarks now, aren't we? I went to promenade with myself, Your ever handsome Grace.â Sunghoon smirks at her tiny, playful whispers against his shoulders. They go around and about, traipsing along the cemented pavements as they give away acknowledging nods and polite smiles to whomever wants their brief attention.
The ton is still in amazed shock at the possibility of these two ending up with a ring on a finger. Everyone was subtly betting for Jungwon but as a result of his loss, a much better gent carried his girl off the floor. Something he let himself do, out of cowardice perhaps, or out of pride.
âRemind me the point of all this?â Y/n carefully whispers to Sunghoon.
âTo make your man jealous and spit out his genuine sentiments in the process, as well as an advantage for me as we get to keep the marriage-minded mothers of the ton at bay. Now, all we have to do is smile, nod, and appear madly in love with each other if this is to work. Is it clear enough for you?â He jerks a brow at her paired with the most charming smirk he could ever expose.
âCrystal.â
*send me an ask or a message if you wish to be added on this series' taglist!
ă
Ą Š ENHA-WOODZIES, 2021
#enhypenwriters#enhypennetwork#of lords and mischiefs#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen imagines#enhypen fics#enhypen series#enhypen jungwon#enhypen heeseung#enhypen jay#enhypen jake#enhypen sunghoon#enhypen sunoo#enhypen niki#iland daniel
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~Christmas with You~
(Itâs days after Christmas as usual I havenât active or slept properly yet but Iâve been focused on my store lol. I hadnât been super on my writing game in a hot minute so I decided to write how your partner would treat you during the holidays. This features EVERY single villain I write for from the list located in my bio IN ORDER. Also I apologize if you donât celebrate Christmas and this doesnât apply to you. I hope you still had a great holiday anyway, and I love you!)
~Togađ-She begins her present shopping early because she wants to find you something that sheâs sure youâll like! Eventually she ends up buying a ton of things, but none of them satisfy her and sheâs worried you wonât like any of them even though you will. So finally she settles on making you something instead. She will stay up all night long pushing herself to put together the perfect gift for you and will literally fall apart if you donât like it. But Iâm sure she wonât have to worry about anything like that.
~DabiđĽ-Hates the holidays. He tells you they hold some pretty shitty childhood memories for him and heâs honestly all for avoiding even just the thought of Christmas, but of course he looks at you and that changes. Heâs really willing to try and take part in a little holiday cheer just for you even if itâs stupid to him. Call it cheesy, but when he celebrates with you it helps take away from the old bad thoughts. It gives him a chance to replace the bad memories with good ones. So heâll bake some shitty cookies with you, and poorly wrap presents even if he knows that you know what he got for you. Of course heâs not opposed to a mistletoe kiss or two (or three). You help put the cheer in the holiday for him.
~OverhaulđĽ-Hates Christmas. Itâs not the holiday, itâs just how many people are buzzing around up until that point. So he gets ALL of his shopping done early. And and all emergencies are to be handled by his men (ex: in case he forgot something on the list). The number one thing he takes super seriously is you seeing your presents. You better hope he doesnât catch you sneaking around the tree. He will lock you in the bedroom until the day of Christmas itself before he lets you open any of them early...even on Christmas eve
~Shigarakiđ¤-Literally wakes you up super early on the morning of just so you can watch a movie with him in a fluffy throw blanket with the hum of his electric heater nearby. He loves this season with you more than any other because he can use the cold weather as an excuse to cuddle with you. âOh well you know Iâm kinda small here so I donât produce a lot of body heat. You should come closer.â Aside from that, he loves the way you celebrate. You make it up to him for not having a childhood at all. Surprisingly enough, he loves doing all the little things with you.
~Tengaiđł-Doesnât see a point in the holidays and never really supported it before. Now donât get me wrong, heâs no scrooge. He would rather spend his time the way he usually did around this time of the year: working at charity spots and donation centers. When you find out he spends every holiday season serving food to people less fortunate it makes your heart soar. So if you have the time to join him, then by all means please do so. Help him spread a little peace this season
~Deidorođş-Being someone that knows a LOT about different drinks out there, he has never in his life heard about eggnog. It throws you for a loop at first and you laugh at him as he watches you in confusion. âWait...youâre being serious about this???â So you have to sit him down, make it for him, and let him try it. I mean, how could he be the one person to not know about this when its alcohol related? Well letâs just say that not only does it stick, but Sakaki has been downing eggnog at the Hassaikai Christmas party all night, and now heâs trying to literally eat you in the bathroom while youâre washing your face. Itâs ridiculous
~Nemoutoâ-This man is 100% proposing to you on Christmas night after a long date with you. For someone that talks about feelings being pointless, he sure does have a lot of love for you. He pays attention to the details and the moods around him. This time was a boost in your happiness and it signaled the perfect time for him to pop the question to you. Add in all those romantic light attractions, and the snow with the carolers etc. Its free romance that he can ride on and use to his advantage. Catch him getting on one knee in the snow after you two are leaving a light show in the city.
~Setsunođ-Holidays are depressing to say the least. To him, Christmas and Valentines day were the worst 2 days to be alone out of any day of the year. Well WERE until you came into his life. He stares at you unwrapping presents under the tree while he sips some cocoa and he thinks about how lucky he was that you came into his life. Little moments like these help tie together the ideal that holidays arenât so bad. Thanks to you, he no longer has to fight back tears of sadness in the dead of night as the snow falls against his window and sticks until it melts. Now he has to fight tears of joy blurring his eyes while you two lounge on the couch and try to get through a holiday movie without falling asleep on each other
~Compressđ-Will do any and everything with you during this day. I mean heâs going to go all out for you on any day of the year, but this one is a little different. So bring in those matching Santa hats, and roll out the gingerbread house kits. Compress is down for it all. Itâs not just for you, but all for the sake of letting loose for once during the year and allowing himself to relax as a civilian instead of a villain on the run. Heâd rather spend time building a gingerbread house than trekking through the cold forest with the sounds of sirens in the background getting near.Â
~TwiceđŹ-This man gets a new ugly Christmas sweater like every year since 7 years ago. The only difference is now he can celebrate with you and his friends instead of celebrating with himself and his clones, alone somewhere in a storage unit. And yes: heâs the number one person to force the league into a Christmas party because he knows youâll have fun hanging out with him and everyone else (since usually he keeps you away for protection). Heâs also the most likely to make everyone engage in secret Santa with each other. Jin is also the one most likely to burn through Christmas movie marathons like itâs nothing at all to him. He runs on peppermint hot cocoa, and marshmallows so donât challenge him at all
~Kurogiriâď¸-Usually he wouldnât think twice to celebrate it. It doesnât bother him, but heâs not really focused on being cheerful when thereâs work to be done instead. You have to be the one to help him slow down and enjoy the tiny things here and there. Heâll help you string up lights, decorations, and the tree. Believe me, he does an amazing job on it all because he doesnât half-ass his work in any kind of way whatsoever. Heâs also kinda in love with the Christmas sweater/vest combo you got for him (and heâs secretly wanting to brag about it). Heâs not one for the sweets like the ribbon candy, or the candy canes but heâll blow through holiday food that you cook or order. Most of all, heâs invested in seeing you smileÂ
~AFOđ-Christmas is just another excuse for him to spoil you. However, you have to step up and let him know itâs more than just gift giving that he needs to do. Where you would love some quality time with him, heâs more about giving you 1,000â˛s of dollars of gifts and handling work that needs to be done. But who can say no to those eyes of yours huh? (Donât answer that. Just know heâs not one to deny you). Heâs not really into the holidays but he treats it like a big important date night between the two of you. Heâll go above and beyond to ensure things runs smoothly. Youâll have to introduce him to âstay at homeâ dates for once. If not
~StainđŞ- Isnât down for it until you mention the tradition that some people go out and chop a real tree. For some odd reason, heâs attached to the idea of chopping a tree down. At first you thought youâd successfully got him into the Christmas spirit, but it just turns out he was eager to use a blade for big business for the first time. Either way, you shrugged it off and rode with it. And boy was that a mistake to make...You were shivering out there. Stain had you in the forest for at least an hour now while he hunted down the perfect tree. You swore to yourself that youâd be getting a fake one next year
~MuscularđŞ-âCelebrate Christmas? Okay, why tho?â You maybe could convince him by disguising it as a romantic time but heâs not big on romance either. You entice him with gift giving. More importantly the idea of hiding his gifts and not letting him see a single one till Christmas day. THAT is how you get him into the holiday. Be warned though, heâs mostly taking part in the other celebrations because heâs wanting those presents so badly. Â
~MustardâŁ-Youâll be lucky if you can get him to go Christmas shopping with him, let alone celebrate. No offense against the holiday itself but Mustard doesnât celebrate ANY day. He doesnât even like to celebrate his own birthday! He seems to be a bit more bitter around the holidays and the cheer isnât helping. âCâmon donât be a scrooooooge!â You poke at his cheek while heâs scrolling through his phone on the couch. âY/N for the last time, kindly piss off.â He glares at you before turning his attention to his phone again. At this point youâll either have to risk getting put under from annoying him too much, or youâll have to find another way to convince him to loosen up. Good luck with it
~SpinnerđŚ-10/10 best person to spend Christmas with. Heâs more into it than you are. As soon as December 1st hits, heâs putting up decorations. In fact, he put up the tree a week before Thanksgiving. The holidays remind him of when he was little and he sat in his momâs lap while she sewed a Christmas tree quilt. Or when he and his sibling would have snowball fights in the backyard (despite his aversion to cold weather due to his quirk). Shuichi will sit down and write out a holiday movie watch list and watch a different Christmas almost every single day with you if youâd allow it. Heâs the first to bake cookies, and the first to start buying gifts early. Most of all, heâs happy to spend this time with you. (Oh be prepared for those walks in the park to admire the Christmas lights)
~Katsukameđż-Big guy is a lot more cheerful than you know, but he knows nothing about Christmas so you gotta show him all those old fashioned traditions. But please donât tell him to deck the halls because he will pull a âRappaâ move and punch holes in the hallway walls. Aside from that, heâs pretty open to Christmas cookies, and even decorating. But I have to say he draws the line at singing door to door at peopleâs houses because he hates to sing. He doesnât even like to hum lolÂ
~Rappađ-Hell yeah heâs gonna spend it with you! The big guy is literally sold on just about anything involving you (well as long as he doesnât have to wear a stuffy suit for it). His excitement stems mostly from his curiosity. He never had a bad childhood but he still canât remember much of the holidays back then. So who needs old memories when you can make new ones! At least thatâs his reasoning after all lol.Â
~HawksđŚ
-This guy is the WORST at giving you presents. I mean his gifts are amazing, but he always slips up and tells you what they are too soon. In fact, he will buy you something and ask if you wanna see it within the next five minutes afterward. Its gotten to the point where you have to beg him almost to stop letting wanting you to open stuff. He canât help it though! Keigo just loves spoiling you, and holidays are the exception where he can go crazy with his saved money.
~Magneđś-She has this crazy secret collection that she finally busted out once youâve gotten close enough to you in the relationship. Her secret collection ended up being a MASSIVE set of sweaters (specifically Christmas themed) While sheâs beaming proudly about how she has a different sweater for every day in December, your jaw is almost on the floor. âMag...donât...donât these cost like 50 bucks each? How long have you been collecting these?!â Anyway, you should expect an ugly Christmas sweater party with the League at least once this DecemberÂ
~TabeđĄ-Forget celebrating the other stuff that comes with Christmas, you already know what heâs excited about...All that yummy yummy food!!! Oh God (if it applies) take him to your family (or friends) for Christmas and watch his face as he enters to see that table full of food. Oh man, heâs going to do his best to be respectful but on the inside he wants to destroy all of the food on that table. Oh and donât worry about the whole baking cookies for Santa because Tabe is most likely going to eat them...and drink the milk too
~Hojođ-He starts present shopping in late October, early November so that way he has everything he needs to get for you (which is a lot). He hides your presents at the base so you have no idea where to find them. Thanks to the base being an underground labyrinth, youâll never see those gifts until Christmas eve (just one), and Christmas day (the rest of them). Hojo goes along with whatever you do to celebrate the holidays. Heâs just perfect husband material to be honest. Not too rough around the edges, but willing to beat a man to death if his job calls for it. Who knew heâd be the most willing to celebrate the holidays with you.
~ChronostasisđŤ-He will literally defy anyone that stood in the way of spending this holiday with you. That includes his own best friend/boss. Overhauls knows this, and heâs comes to respect your relationship so he purposefully doesnât schedule Hari to work on Christmas (but he still pays him for the full day since heâs still his friend). Hari will absolutely kill anyone that got in the way of your cheer. Even if you were one of those people that believed in Christmas magic, he would support you. The world is tough, and it shows no mercy so little things like joy during the holiday meant a lot more than anyone could know in your household. He loves to see you happy so if that means celebrating with you, then heâs going to do it. Besides...he secretly likes Christmas himself
~Mimicđ°-Literally loves to talk about how unnecessary it is while heâs also excited for it as well. Like heâll talk down about decorating while heâs decorating. If you try to step between him heâs gonna tell you to:Â âBack off, youâre messing up my artistic flow here. Go sit on the couch. Make yourself useful and unwrap the candy cane boxes for the tree.â You can see by the way he steps back and puts his hands on his hips to admire his handy-work that heâs taken a bit of pride in things here.Â
~PopsđŻđľ-The old man will take part in the celebration with you because he absolutely adores both you AND the holiday itself as well. He might mix in a few older traditions like Elf on a Shelf, and making a popcorn line to go around the tree. Most importantly you can look forward to opening one gift early as per tradition on Christmas eve. Pops is thankful every single year he gets to spend with you.Â
~Giranđ-Christmas presents from him are on lock. You see he developed this tactic after brainstorming some ideas. Heâs always buying you anything and everything but he realizes that it takes away from his Christmas gift pool. To combat this, he decided to cutdown on his generosity in the months of September, October, and November. That way, itâll give him some time to get you a bunch of stuff on Christmas that you DONT already own. Or at least some stuff you donât already need.Â
~Getenâ-Of course heâs number one at hiding how he feels about you. Or maybe more along the line of being a total Tsundere, but believe me he loves you. If that means celebrating this holiday with you then heâs willing to endure it. His grumpy face is getting harder and harder to hide from you. Sometimes you can just barely catch a glimpse of his content smile while you guys build a snowman together. Wanna have some real fun with him? Challenge him to a snow building competition. With his quirk at play youâll surely lose no matter what, but isnât it fun to see him bragging his ass off about how he ran circles around your âshitty snow projectâ?Â
~Sliceđ-She doesnât hate the holiday, but she DESPISES the cold weather. A lot of her clothes are shorter and sexier by far. Summer is her number one time of the year. Besides, winter dries her skin out, and she hates being under wraps of a thick jacket etc. She canât even wear her open toed heels!!! Besides that, sheâs down for celebrating indoors if you want to. Christmas movies, hot cocoa, and a few make-out sessions are her forte. Thatâs the best way to do Christmas in her opinion
~NineđŞ-Bake cookies? Sure. Volunteer at shelters? Absolutely. Hang lights around the house/apartment? Yes baby, anything for you. I mean Nine is a âyesâ man all year round, but heâs especially willing to agree to things during this time of year. Heâs completely whipped for you and thereâs nothing wrong with that. He celebrates however youâd like him to do so. There is just one thing he wants to do that he suggested first and thatâs either driving slowly through fancy neighborhoods to see their lights up, or going to a Christmas themed petting zoo and feeding carrots to the reindeer. Letâs say heâs a child at heart during this time of year
~Chimerađş-Literally sees no purpose in celebrating it at all. Heâll do the stuff you want but heâs going to complain the whole way. The only thing heâs big on is saving up his cash and getting you something. The only thing that matters to him is making you happy during the entirety of your relationship (which he hopes is the rest of your lives together). The rest of the stuff heâs just grumbling and putting up with so he can see your smile.Â
~MummyđĽ-Christmas? For what? Well okay then, if you say so. Really doesnât get the point but hey, why not. Heâs got nothing better to do. Heâs never really celebrated it, His family never really celebrated it either so heâs a little interested in how you get down for it. His favorite thing he developed was this odd present wrapping competition with you. You should already know how good he is at wrapping things due to his quirk (Iâm sure heâs shown you how good he is at binding and wrapping stuff before). Add a little competition into anything and heâs ready to do it. Baking competition, Caroling competition, Decorating competition. Heâll even challenge you to who can cuddle each other better. Whatever floats his boat I guess lol
~Gentle Criminalâ-He wants to travel during the holidays with you and he wants to vlog it all. Only if youâre okay with it of course! If you give him the âokayâ then heâs whisking you away somewhere overseas for a more extravagant vacation. He ends up spending so much time with you and having so much fun that he stop recording like 3 days in. His reasoning behind travelling is that snow must be so much more fun elsewhere, so of course the rest of the holidays must be as well. In all reality he just wants to make sure you have a fun Christmas. Travelling during it and experiencing different places and cultures are a fun new way to experience the holiday.Â
~La Bravađ¸-Handy with the tech, but mostly with the camera. She amasses an entire compilation of you throughout the day and sheâll stay up all night stitching it together. The day after Christmas comes and she sits you down on the couch to watch it with her. Honestly sheâs the sweetest and most dedicated partner that anyone could ask for. The way she treats you makes you thankful not just for spending Christmas with her, but for spending any day of the year with her.Â
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Hey there! So I said I was half tempted to post some mk fanfics, so i did *nervous jazz hands*
Basically just some subscorp, fluff with very little plot, basically Hanzo has a restless night and decides to drop by the Lin Kuei temple for some comfort in his lover, Kuai Liang. Also includes Hanzo feeding Kuai, because Kuai is such a workaholoic that when he has time to eat he forgets to. Iâm a sucker for lovers taking care of each other đĽşđ like literally the file name for this fic was âoops all fluffâ lmao
Oh, and a few puns because back when I rped as Kuai, I had this whole thing going on where he makes more puns than he should be allowed to and i got too attached to it as a hc lol
well hope yâall enjoy cuz all i want is some gotdamn happy subscorp
    Kuai Liang took a deep sigh as he laid back in the snow. Far past midnight, many of the students fast asleep, but not the Grandmaster himself. No, instead he was laying in the snow, bare of any clothes save for his briefs. His clothes were neatly folded in a pile by him as he laid, now closing his eyes. The thoughts were vanishing, nothing but emptiness in his mind. It was a new form of meditation he had picked up, becoming one with the snow. It was always when the ice began to coat his body as he let go of himself and his grip on the world that he knew he had succeeded in his meditation session.
    Sometime into his meditation, he heard in the distance the sounds of snow crunching. Someone was approaching. He opened his eyes and sat up to prepare himself for a potential visitor. But when he looked around, he saw nobody, only the footsteps. Perhaps just a student wondering, looking for something to do to tire themselves out. He laid back down, then closed his eyes after a few thoughtful blinks. And there they were again, the footsteps, snow crunching and packing under the weight of somebody approaching near. Next he heard the slow scraping of metal, and that was when he rolled over and stood up to face his visitor.
   âYour hearing hasnât failed you quite yet,â Hanzo teased as he sheathed his katana. He was without his armor, just casual clothes as it was late, but he still carried his weapons on him, just in case. âBut still, that was too close.â
   Kuai smiled sweetly as he faced Hanzo. âHearing is one of the most important senses. These ears will never fail me. But I felt my timing was amusingly dramatic no?â The cryomancer stepped forward to Hanzo, arms open. Of course Hanzo opened his arms and they united in a tight hug, cold and warmth meeting, fulfilling the temperatures each other craved. âIt is wonderful to see you again, Hanzo. But why are you here? It is quite late.â
   âI was having another restless night, I wanted to see you...â Hanzo let go of Kuai just slightly, just enough to see his face while still holding him. âWhy were you laying in the snow? Is your cryomancy not enough to keep you cool?â
   âI was meditating.â Kuai answered. "You are free to try it with me, if you're interested."
    Hanzo looked down at the snow, then back up at Kuai. "I worry I may melt the snow."
    "You are quite hot, you make even me melt." Kuai winked at him, causing Hanzo to blush lightly.
    "Is that another pun of yours?"
    Kuai had an awful cheeky smile. "Perhaps.â The cryomancer let go of Hanzo to retrieve his clothes he left on the ground and began to at least put on the pants. Sweat pants, just to emphasize it was the Grandmasterâs leisurely hours.
    âYou can still meditate if you please,â Hanzo offered.
   âAnd what would the fun be in having to pretend youâre not here with me? I would much rather spend time with you.â Kuai took a hold of Hanzoâs hand, once again the cold meeting hot, and out in the snow it caused a subtle steam from their strong hands holding each other. Then Kuai gently pulled Hanzo guiding him towards the doors. âCome inside with me, I will prepare you some tea.â
   âPerhaps I can make you some food, too.â
   âYou neednât, Hanzo. Not if it is making you go out of your way.â
   âI want to feed you, my snowflake. I know you forget to eat sometimes when you get so caught up between work and your own personal time.â
   âA fair point.â
   âWhen was the last time you had eaten?â Although it sounded like Hanzo was scolding Kuai, he really wasnât. He wasnât mad at all with Kuai, it was just his worry for Kuaiâs well being coming out in how he naturally expresses it.
   âLunch time, about⌠6 hours ago.â
   âDo you not feel hungry?â
   âI suppose I do now that you mention it. I suppose I canât ever say no to your cooking, I do enjoy it.â
   âGood,â Hanzo huffed.
   Inside the temple was much warmer, something the Grandmaster always made sure of every night for his students. While he was a cryomancer himself, and he understood some of his students were also cryomancers, there were plenty that were not. The nightfallâs cold would be far too bothersome if they tried to endure it in their sleep, and a warrior without proper rest is a vulnerable one. It was even warm enough for Hanzo to notice, giving him a cozy vibe, which he didnât mind at all given he tends to like it warmer⌠Except for when holding Kuai.
   Kuai took Hanzo around to the templeâs large kitchen, and let go of his hand just to begin preparing to boil the water for their tea. In the meanwhile, Hanzo looked around at the options of foods to work with for him and his lover. Something meaty, of course, since there were tons of meat stored and ready for cooking. Much of the Lin Kueiâs diet consisted of meat, it was easiest to obtain, as animals were more abundant than anything agricultural. What they did have besides meat was always received by the Special Forces to help them maintain at least some semblance of a balanced diet. Very nice of them.
   âWhat do you plan on making, Hanzo?â Kuai asked.
   âI am thinking of kushiyaki. It should be quick enough to prepare,â Hanzo answered as he began to pull some meat, labeled âgameâ, out of the fridge.
   Kuai loved hearing Hanzoâs Japanese. He could literally just be listing various foods in their Japanese names and Kuai would be head over heels for his loverâs mother tongue. âWhat is kushiyaki, dear?â
   âKushiyaki is like the yakitori, except that it can include non-poultry meats on it. Usually it is only meat on it, but I suppose some vegetables would benefit us.â It probably didnât count as kushiyaki then, rather than a regular grilled kebab.
   âWould you like some help preparing the meat?â Kuai asked, already drawing a knife from a drawer. âI can hardly cook, but I am quite skilled in cutting.â
   Hanzo nodded. âI would appreciate that.â
   And together they chopped the meat into cubes and rectangles. They cut off enough for five skewers, part of Hanzoâs plan. Of course, this was unnoticed by Kuai Liang until Hanzo had already flavoured and spiced them and began to put them on the skewers. âHanzo, we may have to make another one to even the amount.â
   âNo, my love. I am only going to have one, maybe two. I want you to eat the rest so you are eating enough.â
   âHanzo,â Kuai muttered as he felt the love and care from his love. âAre you sure?â
   âI am.â Hanzo set down some bell peppers and carrots on the counter in front of Kuaiâs cutting board. âNow please, help me chop the vegetables. You seem to have quite an abundance of peppers.â
   Kuai took a few peppers, and with a new knife began to cut them. âGeneral Blade warned us the harvest would be plentiful that shipment.â
   âYou do know if you ever need produce, I can supply you with some, right? My temple has a garden with plenty of vegetables.â
   âIndeed, but I do not want to take from your supply for ours.â
   âOur clans are allies, Kuai. We must help each other.â
   âI cannot disagree with that, but I do want you to take care of your clan.â
   âJust as I take care of you?â Hanzo teased as he leaned in to kiss Kuaiâs cheek, then continued on to set up the grilling process of their food.
   âI have no idea what you are talking about.â Despite how deadpan his tone was, he was very clearly joking. âBut of yourself, what made you so restless tonight?â
   Hanzo closed his eyes for a moment and sighed deeply. âNightmares, I suppose.â
   Kuai frowned with deep sorrow for Hanzo. âI am sorry to hear that.â He knew that they both suffered deeply from trauma, from all the fighting, protecting Earthrealm, their past feud, their own hardships through life and death as revenant and wraith, and their losses through time. They really had gone through it all, and then some. Nightmares were just a side effect of the trauma, one they both suffered from, sometimes together. âDid you need to talk about it?â
   Hanzo thought about talking about it, but shook his head. âNot this time, thank you.â
   âVery well then.â Kuai gave Hanzo a tight hug from behind and sighed. âRegardless, I am always happy to be here to help you, and I am glad you have come over here for comfort. I will always welcome you here, my love.â
   âThank you, my snowflakeâŚâ Hanzo did straighten himself from his vulnerable position, and instead began to help Kuai put the meat and vegetables onto the skewers so they could grill them.
   âI almost dare to ask if you can cook those yourself, but alas you had already set up the grill.â
   âYou seem to have an affinity for my hellfires cooking your food.â
   Kuai smiled. âIt leaves a taste of love.â
   âYou are a sap.â But of course, it was one of the traits Hanzo loved about Kuai.
   As their food cooked, the tea had successfully boiled. Kuai began to place the chamomile tea bags in, to turn it into tea. That was when a horrible pun came to mind. âHanzo, how do you make holy water?â
   âI would not know.â
   âYou boil the hell out of it.â That cheeky smirk again that showed the self-proclaimed pun-master was proud of another crack of a joke. Of course, it was always adorable, the way Kuai actually thought these puns were humorous.
   Typically Hanzo didnât like puns, they were cheesy and cheap, but Kuai was the only person allowed to make puns. He shook his head with a small touch of a smile. âYou are adorable, Kuai.â
   âI take pride in being the only one allowed to make puns around you.â
   âGood. Though I still would not have thought of you to be the one to make such jokes.â
   âCage may have had a slight influence.â Kuai Liang gently touched along Hanzoâs forearm with his cold finger tips. âItâs easy to make puns when youâre as cool as I am.â
   Hanzo huffed a small snicker. âYou are certainly cooler than Johnny Cage, I will give you that. â
   âHow generous of you, Hanzo.â
   âI can say plenty more nice things about you, my dear snowflake.â
   âAnd I, about you.â While the chamomile tea was finishing boiling into the water, Kuai grabbed a lemon from the fridge to chop it in half. A strong squeeze poured lemon juice right out of the lemon and into the tea kettle where it boiled into the tea, then back into the fridge it went when it was no longer of use. Next was the honey, which he had to retrieve from a jar within the pantry. As he set the jar down, he looked over at Hanzo. âYou know,â Already Hnazo knew a pun was about to come, it was that damn set up. âIâm not sure if honey is needed in this, since youâre already âsweetâ enough.â
    Okay, that pun may have got Hanzo blushing lightly again. âYes⌠Well⌠Not as sweet as you.â Oh Hanzo, bashful at sweet praises, just as he had been with his wife a very long time ago. He tried to carry on, returning to the task at hand. He took the skewers off the grill and set them down onto a plate. With the tea finishing just in time, Kuai poured them both a cup, and the settled at one of the kitchenâs islands to consume.
   Together they ate and drank their teas, discussing their lives and what they had been up to. Kuai had plenty of new stories about his dragons, and the ghosts heâd been noticing at the temple. Hanzo spoke of his students, the gardensâ new blooms, and a new training regiment he had started. But what they both had in common was missing each other. Kuai could fly over on his dragon any time, Hanzo could hellport any time, but alas it was about their scheduling. They missed each other deeply, they missed each otherâs quips, touches, shared pain and healing and comfort, each otherâs languages of love. All of it. They were both Grandmasters of their own clans just wanting to forget about the world to be with each other.
    Which eventually led Hanzo and Kuai in front of the door of the Grandmaster's bedroom. Initially it had just been to walk him there, and Hanzo had planned on leaving to return to his own temple, but Kuai pulled Hanzo in as he entered his room. "You should stay the night here, Hanzo. I think the both of us could use a night together."
    "I should return to my temple, I do not want to be leaving my students without word of where I am."
    "My dear, they know of our love, and they know you have slept here before. They will take the hint in the morning when you return."
    "I suppose. I just worry if something is going to happen while I am gone."
    Now Kuai realized what Hanzo's nightmares were about, what caused his restlessness. He was having nightmares of losing his clan once again. He was having those traumatic memories of losing them before. Kuai Liang sighed. "I will not force you to stay here or there. But I promise you, they will be okay. I understand your fears, as a Grandmaster myself. When I leave, I get worried my clan will be attacked and slain. We worry because we care, and we care for them as deeply as we should be. But alongside care, we must provide them with trust. We must be able to trust that they can fight for themselves and protect each other, should they be attacked. I know your students will be safe, because they have been taught by the greatest warrior I have ever fought in my whole life. Nobody compares to you, Hanzo.â Hanzo reflected on Kuaiâs words. Funny, he felt the same way, that Kuai was his toughest opponent, so surely the Lin Kuei must be great, too. âAnd as well, Hanzo, Iâm unsure if you noticed but one of my students is at your temple for the night. Weâre not the only ones visiting each other. Should anything go wrong, Iâm more than certain sheâd come home to alert us.â
    âI was unaware of your student staying at my temple. That does help to know, I suppose... But you are correct in your words, I need to give them trust that they can protect themselves.â Hanzo looked at Kuaiâs large bed, noticing one more blanket on the bed than before, and a rather thick one, too. A significant difference that warmed his heart. It meant Kuai was seeking warmth in his sleep, attempting to reach the same warmth of the pyromancer. âIt seems I should sleep with you tonight anyway,â He noted as he lifted the blanket.
    âI find myself sleeping better with a bit of warmth, it reminds me of you,â Kuai confessed as he sat down on his own bed.
    âI find myself needing at least a fan on when I sleep,â Hanzo also confessed. âThe cold grounds me when I start to get too nervous.â
    âWe truly do complete each other.â
    Hanzo began to start taking off his own clothes, as well as leaving behind his weapons all onto a neat pile on the floor close to the bed, so Hanzo may retrieve them in the morning. Then he got in bed with Kuai, and as he got comfortable Kuai was already holding him, admiring the natural warmth of Hanzo rather than the blanket.
    âDo you feel well enough to sleep again, Hanzo?â Kauai asked.
    Hanzo nodded. âI think I do.â
    âGood, Iâm glad.â Kauai closed his eyes with a sigh, and started to feel himself drift to sleep. âSleep well, Hanzo. Wake me up if you need anything, I wonât mind.â
    âAnd I hope you sleep well, too.â Hanzo hesitantly closed his own eyes. And together, in each otherâs arms, in each otherâs elements, they both fell asleep together.
#mortal kombat#subscorp#kuai liang#scorpion#sub zero#aaaaa my first time posting fanfic here đłđŹ#posting fanfics to try to work up my courage tho lets fucking gooo#also i dont apologize for any hcs or portrayals except yes i do dont kill me
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Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 37 - Happy Birthday!
"What if we gave her some jewelry?" Varian asked. "Like a necklace and some matching earrings?"
Hiro shot the idea down. "Naw, she already has a whole jewelry box full of that stuff and she hardly ever wears it."
The two boys were standing in the lunch line at the cafeteria discussing what to get Aunt Cass for her birthday.
"Hmmm...what about a new cookbook, then?"
Once again Hiro turned the idea down. "Can't she just look up recipes on her phone?"
"Well then.. I don't know. Why don't you come up with something?" Varian huffed as he grabbed an apple off the bar.
"Ooookay. What about⌠something sentimental, like a hand made card?" Hiro suggested.
"That's lame."
"Is not. Listen, she'll cry her eyes out over it. Trust me."
"Oh come on, we're not four year-olds. We got money now, let's actually buy her something nice."
The two teens stopped in front of the salad bar where the head lunch lady was busy cutting up vegetables. They continued their debate while they waited on the container holding the salad to be refilled.
"Like what?" Hiro asked. "She hasn't said what she wanted, and I'm sure if there was anything she did want she could just go out and buy it herself."
Varian crossed his arms and cupped his chin in thought. Then his eyes fell on the elderly lunch lady, who was still busy preparing the salad.
"Hey Miss Itamae, I don't suppose you could give us any womanly insight into what a lady turning 37 might want for her birthday?"
The grumpy cafeteria worker didn't answer. She just glared at them both as she deftly sliced a head of lettuce in two. Then went back to cutting up more vegetables with practiced precision. Â
"You're sparkling conversation is delightful as always Miss Itamae." Hiro said deadpan.
"Hey, wait, no, that's it!" Varian nudged him excitedly. "We'll buy Aunt Cass some new kitchen knives!" He then turned back to the lunch lady with a smug smile. "Thank you for the idea, Miss Itamae. You're always so helpful."
The insincerity dripped from his voice like honey and Miss Itamae only pursed her lips in irritation as she began to chop the lettuce even more fiercely.
Hiro rolled his eyes. The, quite literally, unspoken feud between them and the head lunch lady had only ramped up these last two weeks. True, she had been a little too gleeful when she pulled out the pan of leftover Monday's Mystery Meatloaf to give them, after handing the last hot ham sandwich to Karmi right before them, but Varian antagonizing the woman with his phony politeness probably didn't help matters.
"Aunt Cass literally has several sets of chef knives. I think she, like, collects them at this point."
"Well what if we just expanded her collection then? Does she have a machete yet? Or perhaps one of those big butcher axes?"
Hiro narrowed his eyes at the other boy. "Are you serious? What would she want with a machete?"
Varian shrugged.
"Yeah, no." Hiro continued. "I doubt we could even legally buy one."
"Really? Man, you can't do anything in America." Varian sighed.
Hiro gave Varian another irritated look of disbelief, but before he could say anything else a voice shouted out to them.
"Clear the way! Look out!" Fred yelled.
He was barreling right towards them on a pair of roller skates; careening out of control.
He couldn't stop and both boys had to quickly scramble out the way. Miss Itamae was not so fortunate.
Fred hit the salad bar and toppled over the edge, sending the vegetables flying everywhere and knocking over the poor woman.
"Ooops. Hehe⌠my bad." Fred said sheepishly as the lunch lady stood back up with a salad bowl on top of her head, lettuce stuck in her hair net and a slice of tomato dripping off her nose.
Miss Itamae stared at him with flame in her eyes and seethed with gritted teeth. Fred tried to helpfully brush off the bits of vegetables that sat on her shoulders, but this only made her even more angry.
She hissed at him and Fred scurried back over the railing as quickly as possible before ducking down on the other side of the bar. He cautiously peaked his head up just long enough to watch the cafeteria lady storm off in a huff; presumably to go get a broom.
"Are those Gogo's skates?" Hiro asked once the lunch lady had left.
"Uh, yeah." Fred admitted guiltily.
"Does she know that you have them?" Varian asked.
Fred dodged the question "Ummm⌠maybe?"
"Do we even want to know what's going on?" Hiro asked in a weary manner.
"Hiro, as your friend," Fred said as he placed a bracing hand upon the other teen's shoulder, "I feel it's my sworn d- woah, duty to protect you. The less the two of you know the better." And with that solemn proclamation the skates gave out from under him and Fred flopped to the ground.
"In other words she doesn't know, and when she finds out she's going to kill you." Varian confirmed.
"'Kill' is such a strong word, ya know." Fred strained as he gripped the bar and hoisted himself back up.
Varian and Hiro exchanged confused glances and just shrugged.
Hiro sighed and decided to set the matter aside. "Well, Varian and I were just discussing what to get Aunt Cass for her birthday. Got any ideas?"
Fred hummed in thought as he gave the matter some consideration. "Well mom always wants to be taken out to some new fancy restaurant on her birthdays."
"Hey now there's an idea," Varian enthused. "We cook dinner for her!"
"Oh no, you are not fixing any more weird Coronian recipes." Hiro replied.
"Hey, my cooking isn't weird. Besides all you know how to make is cereal."
"Yeah, I'm not a chef, neither of us are."
Varian pouted at that but before he could respond Hiro continued on. "Look, why don't we take her out? It's something she doesn't get to do often and we could both split the bill, deal?"
"Well alright," Varian agreed, "at least it'll save us from having to do the dishes."
"Great!" Fred cheered. "I even know of a place you can take her. Mom loves it."
Just then Gogo burst through the cafeteria doors.
"Hey! Give me back my blades!" She yelled.
"Uh oh." Fred said and clumsily skated away as Gogo furiously ran after him.
"Come on, we better make sure she doesn't actually murder him." Hiro sighed as he started to run after them.
Varian followed, but paused long enough to cheekily wave goodbye to Miss Itamae, who had just finished cleaning up Fred's mess and was back to chopping vegetables once more.
"See ya, Miss Itamae."
The woman never answered back. Instead she just scowled at him as she menacingly held up her knife before slamming it back down hard upon a head of lettuce, severing it in two.
Varian gulped as he backed away and hurried out the door after his friends. Maybe they were pushing the little old woman too hard, he thought.
                         ------------------------
"Are you sure it's not under Hamada?" Hiro asked the maĂŽtre d' who stood at the front of the restaurant's door. "Then try Templeton."
No such luck.
"Hey, tell them to check under Quirinson." Varian nudged him.
Hiro, Varian, and Aunt Cass stood in line at the Aragosta; the fine dining place that Fred had helped them make reservations for. Only the host was having trouble finding said reservations.
"Okay, how about Quirinson?"
The host shook his head.
"Frederickson?" Hiro squeaked hopefully. The matradee frowned.
Hiro sighed in resignation as Aunt Cass gently scooted the boys out of the way of the other guests who were also waiting to get in.
"Hey, it's okay." She encouraged, "So they lost the reservations. It happens. We can go someplace else and still have tons of fun. How about karaoke instead?"
"Let me check back with Fred first, before we decide to leave." Hiro said as he pulled out his phone.
The phone went straight to voicemail and Hiro hung up in irritation. Things weren't going as planned.
Just then Krei, of all people, walked up next to them on the sidewalk. He was also on his cell phone and didn't seem to notice them.
"But mother, I had these reservations for weeks!" He complained. "Yes I know your annual fundraising event for Helpers Helping the Helpless is importantâŚ. Yes I understand that the juggling seals canceled last minute... but surely you could just hire a new act? Why, Judy, my secretary, she can juggle fire for ya, I mean how hard can it be if a dumb seal can do it, right?" He frowned as he listened to the other end of the call, and then sighed deeply, "Alright, you win, as always. Love you too, mother." And with that he hung up.
That's when Keri noticed their little group. Â
"Oh, uh, hi Cass. Intern. Intern's new cousin-brother-whatever... Fancy meeting you here."
He gave an awkward grin and rocked back and forth on his heels, like a school boy accidentally running into his crush at the mall. Â
Aunt Cass gave an equally awkward smile. "Hi, Alistair. Trouble with your date?" She joked.
"Oh well, you know mom. Lovely woman, but can't not take charge when there's a crisis." He nervously chuckled. "So what brings you to Aragosta's?"
"We're taking Aunt Cass out for her birthday." Varian replied.
"Oh, it's your birthday!? And here I didn't bring you a gift. Well, happy birthday, Cass. You look great tonight."
Aunt Cass blushed, "Oh well, thank you, but unfortunately the restaurant's lost our reservations, soooâŚ"
"So it looks like we'll just have to go elsewhere." Hiro interrupted. He gave Krei a hard glare as he tried to quickly shuffle away his aunt. "Bye, Krei."
"Oh now wait a minute," Keri stopped them, "You lost a reservation, and I got a table waiting for me that I'm not going to use anymore. Why not take my spot on the list?"
"Oh, that's nice of you Alistair, but-"
"No buts, I insist. Call it a birthday present."
Keri gave his most charming smile and Aunt Cass looked at the two boys questioningly. Varian enthusiastically nodded yes, while Hiro silently pleaded 'no' to her.
"Weeelll, if you insist." She agreed.
"Wonderful! I'll go square it with the matradee." And with that he hurried off to speak with the host.
"Aunt Cass, why?" Hiro whined as soon as the businessman was out of ear shot.
"Why not?" Varian spoke up. "He's giving us a free table. Just cause you don't like the gu-"
"Boys, boys," Aunt Cass interceded before an argument broke out. "Look, I know Alistair can be a little⌠hmm.. difficult to get along with sometimes, but he means well and this is a nice gesture. It'd be rude to turn it down."
With that final word Krei returned.
"You're all set. Table number five, and just tell the waiter to put the meal on my tab."
"We were going to pay." Hiro grumbled.
"Oh that's so cute," Krei laughed, "you boys, wanting to do something nice for your aunt. But seriously though, you'll have to take out a loan just to afford the hors d'oeuvres."
Varian raised a worried eyebrow while Hiro only gave an annoyed huff.
"Look this is my treat. Dinner is on me." Keri continued, "Just give the host up there my last name."
He then gave another awkward smile and waved goodbye before turning to leave.
Aunt Cass frowned and Hiro's stomach dropped as he realized what she was about to do. He tried to say no. He tried to speak reason with his aunt, but before he could stop her she was already calling after Krei.
"Oh, won't you join us?" She asked.
"Naw, I couldn't." He sheepishly kicked the ground.
"Good." Hiro said, but was completely ignored as Keri immediately followed up with a, "But if you insist."
He and Aunt Cass shared a smile as they stared into each other's eyes transfixed and Hiro could only let out groan.
                         ------------------------
The lavish interior of the eatery was adorned with Tuscan columns, high vaulted ceilings, and expensive oil paintings that hung upon the walls depicting the ocean. The restaurant was known for its seafood and so there were also aquariums everywhere you looked, tucked away in the most unlikely of places.
Varian couldn't help but curiously stare at one particular aquarium lodged into the center of one of the columns. It didn't look like the most efficient place to house costly and rare tropical sea life to him, but hey, he wasn't a millionaire restaurateur, so what did he know?
The little party was seated near said column at a table covered in white linen and with gold plated cutlery already laid out upon it. They were then given menus bound in black leather by the waiter who was dressed to the nines in a tuxedo, complete with a bow tie.
Varian self consciously looked down at his own plain button down shirt and grey vest and felt hopelessly underdressed in comparison. This place was far more ostentatious than he had been unexpecting.
Well at least he had put more effort into his outfit than Hiro, who's idea of dressing up was to wear his black cargo shorts instead of his usual tan ones. Not that the other boy cared in the slightest. Hiro wasn't the least bit embarrassed about standing out in high society. He was too busy giving Krei the stink eye as the businessman flirted with Aunt Cass.
Varian rolled his eyes in dismissal of Hiro's petty disapproval of their aunt's choice in men and opened the menu. What he saw made his jaw drop.
"Ninety dollars for lobster!?" He sputtered. "Who pays nearly a hundred bucks for freakin' lobster?" He hissed at Hiro under his breath.
Hiro only shrugged, "Yeah, lobster is expensive. So what?"
"But it's lobster." Varian reiterated.
Hiro only stared at him blankly.
"You live right next to the ocean." Varian explained. "You can literally just walk down to the docks and catch yourself one to eat."
"Yeah, but who wants to do that."
"I would. I would much rather catch it and cook it myself than pay a hundred dollars for a lobster ." The disdain in his voice was evident.
"Yeah, but you're weird." Hiro quipped.
Varian gave him a hard look of annoyance, but Hiro only smugly smiled back; knowing full well that Varian wouldn't jump him in such an esteemed establishment with Aunt Cass right there looking on.
Varian grumbled under his breath and went back to looking at the menu. He was going to find at least one thing on here that didn't seem like a colossal waste of money, he swore it.
Back home, seafood was one of cheapest meats you buy at the market. Freshwater or salt, it didn't matter, anyone could catch a fish. Shellfish in particular were deemed low class.
In fact boiled lobster tail was one of the few proteins he could eat in prison. Every once in a while the chef would feed it to them as a 'treat'. But that was only because no one else in the castle wanted it.
He shook the memory away as he tried to calm himself. Never again was he going back to gruel and stale bread; and if he wanted a lobster for dinner, he was sure as heck going to fix it himself the way he liked it and not have to beg for it from anybody!
Aunt Cass and Keri, however, did not notice Varian and Hiro's discussion involving lobsters. They were completely engrossed with each other, giggling over some in-joke that only they two shared. Hiro had gone back to sulking while eyeing the adults disapprovingly.
The tension was only dispersed when the waiter returned to take their orders. Krei rattled off a ridiculously intricate and flamboyant entrĂŠe as a suggestion and Aunt Cass agreed to try it. Hiro ordered the most expensive thing he could find on the menu, just to spite Keri, and Varian chose the steak.
"Well it looks like it'll be a while before dinner arrives, so I'm just going to go powder my nose. Be right back." Aunt Cass excused herself.
As soon as she was out of sight Hiro lunged at Keri.
He grabbed the older man by the shirt collar and held up his fork up menacingly.
"Okay, spill it Keri! What are you up to?" He ordered.
"Nothing." The man insisted. "Can't a guy do something nice for once?"
"Not when the guy is you he can't." Hiro said. "Aunt Cass dumped you, remember? It's over."
"Wait, they used to date?" Varian asked, clueless as to what was happening.
"One date," Keri corrected, "and no I'm not trying to get back together with your aunt. Honest."
Hiro eyed him suspiciously and Keri met his gaze steadily. Finally, Hiro relented and let go of the other guy's shirt.
"Then what do you want?" He asked, confused.
"I want your aunt to have a good birthday. Nothing more. So can we please just have a nice dinner without any more threats, or revenge plots hatched by disgruntled employees, or any other weird superhero-y stuff going on?"
Hiro reluctantly sat back down in silent agreement and that was when Aunt Cass returned. Soon thereafter the food arrived and dinner proceeded smoothly for the rest of the night.
                         ------------------------
"I tell ya work has been a nightmare since production started on this new phone line." Keri complained. "I'm at the office everyday it seems like."
"Oh I hear you," Aunt Cass agreed. "The Luck Cat has been swamped for weeks now. I haven't had a day off in almost a month."
Dinner was over and the little group stood outside waiting on their rides. The two boys looked on as the adults chatted. Aunt Cass and Keri had barely stopped conversing with each other the whole night and even Varian was starting to feel just a little left out.
But he had little right to be. When did Aunt Cass get the chance to just hang out with people her age and have fun? By her own admission she was usually either at work all day or taking care of them.
"Sounds like you could use a break." Keri said. "Oooh, crazy idea, I got a membership to a spa retreat up in Napa. They got hot springs and a killer buffet. I'm too busy to go right now, but I can schedule you a trip. You could bring a friend and have a weekend off. What do you say."
"Weeell I don't know... I mean it's tempting, don't get me wrong, but I got the cafĂŠ to take care of and who'll look after the boys?" Aunt Cass said.
"Well surely they're old enough to be on their own for a few days, and I can be on hand if they need anything."
"We can manage the cafĂŠ if you want to go to Aunt Cass." Varian chimed in, happy to help.
Hiro nudged him the ribs, hard.
Aunt Cass pouted and then forlornly shook her head.
"You sure?" Keri asked. "Cause it's no trouble to me. It's the least I can do after.. well, after what happened last time."
Aunt Cass raised an eyebrow and Keri held his hands up defensively.
"I'm not trying to ask you out again. Honest. I know that ship has sailed, and I also know that it was my fault. I just would like to apologize that's all."
"Oh Alistair, you don't need to buy me expensive things just to say 'I'm sorry'. "Aunt Cass smiled warmly at him before continuing on. "But the answer is still no. I just can't right now, not with everything that's going on."
"Well alright, but if you change your mind just give my secretary, Judy, a call. She'll arrange everything." And with that Keri handed Aunt Cass a business card and got into his limo which had just pulled up.
He waved goodbye to everyone before driving away.
                         ------------------------
"I think you should have taken Keri up on his offer." Varian said as they returned to the Luck Cat.
"Why, just so he can try and weasel his way back into Aunt Cass's life?" Hiro grumbled under his breath.
However, Aunt Cass heard him anyways. "Hey now, I can take care of myself, thank you very much." She admonished him. "But no, I'm not going. There's too much to do around here."
"Oh come on, I can look after the cafĂŠ for a few days." Varian insisted.
"And who's going to look after you?" Aunt Cass asked.
Varian looked hurt by that reply. "We can take care of ourselves."
"Oh like how you took care of my toaster?"
"That was an accident, and I put out the fire."
"Umm hmm, and the alarm clock?"
"I fixed it, and it works even better now."
"..and the dishwasher."
Varian opened his mouth to argue but then shut again quickly as he really had no excuse for that particular mishap. They were still finding pieces of broken china to this day.
Hiro snickered at their argument as he reached down under the counter to grab a donut.
The food he had ordered at the restaurant was some weird seafood monstrosity made of jellyfish, kelp, fish eggs, squid tentacles and other unidentifiable fishy bits and bobs. Rich people were weird, was all he had thought as he picked at his meal all night. He was still half starved.
"Oh laugh it up, mister 'I never wash a dish'." Varian shot back.
"I've cleaned dirty dishes before." Hiro said with his mouth full.
"BoysâŚ" Aunt Cass groaned, ending their argument. "Look, I know things have been stressful these last few weeks, what with finals, and the cafĂŠ being busy⌠and well, everything else, but we can get through this if we stick together, as a family, and not have anymore petty squabbles."
She wrapped an arm around Varian's shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze as she smiled.
The 'everything else' Â comment didn't go unnoticed by the two teens. Ever since Varian had come to live with them life had been turned upside down inside the Hamada home, in more ways than one, and while everyone was trying their best to adjust, there was still clearly friction over minor things, like chores and little mishaps here and there.
"That's why you should Aunt Cass." Varian insisted. "Finals end next week for us, but the cafĂŠ is still going to be busy no matter what. Why not let me and Hiro run the Luck Cat for a weekend? We can get along for just two days, surely."
"And we can call Chief Cruz if anything goes wrong." Hiro piped in.
Aunt Cass raised an eyebrow "I thought you didn't want me to go?"
"I just don't think you should fool with Keri, but of course, I'm all for you taking a break. Varian's right, you deserve a rest and a few days' of fun."
"Well, I mean, I could ask Tracy what she's up to next weekend, I guessâŚgee I haven't seen Trace in awhile..." Aunt Cass said as she mulled over their proposal.
"Who's Tracy?" Varian asked.
"She's Aunt Cass's roommate from college." Hiro answered.
"AhâŚ" Varian nodded in realization, but as soon as he was done Aunt Cass snapped out of her wishful reprieve.
"Oh no, I couldn't. It's too last minute. Besides I can still have fun here with you two." She flashed them a huge grin before walking upstairs.
Hiro ran after her, with Varian following behind. "Well in that case, you can open your presents then." He said.
"More presents?" She asked with a smile as she sat in her favorite comfy chair in the living room.
"Yup!" Hiro said as Varian brought out a gift bag that was hidden in his room, and Baymax, having heard his humans return home, came down the stairs carrying a wrapped box with a bow on top.
"Oh boys, you shouldn't have." She said.
"For you Aunt Cass. Happy Birthday." Baymax said in his usual clipped voice.
"Honey Lemon, Gogo, and Wasabi helped me pick something out for you."
"Oh how nice of them." Aunt Cass exclaimed as she opened up the gift. It was a cute apron with a matching headband and dish towel. In the pocket of the apron was a little booklet of printed recipes that Baymax had downloaded.
"See I told you that a cookbook was a good idea." Varian whispered to Hiro. The other boy shushed him.
"Oh thank you Baymax. I love it." Aunt Cass said as she flipped through the book. As she was reading Mochi, curled up in her lap.
"Do you have a birthday gift for me too, Mochi." She cooed at the cat as she scratched under its chin. The cat of course gave no answer other than a purr.
"I doubt he does, but I think Ruddiger made you something." Varian said in all seriousness.
With that the raccoon popped his head up over the top of the chair, startling Aunt Cass. The forest creature gave her an affectionate nuzzle, causing her to laugh, before jumping down and running off.
Only to immediately return dragging something along the ground with it's mouth.
Once the raccoon had made it back to the chair, it turned around and lifted the thing up with it's paws, as if offering it to her.
It was a plate, and on the plate was an apple inside a cupcake liner with whipped cream swirled on top and a single lighted candle stuck in the center.
"Ooooh how adorable!" She laughed.
"Make a wish!" Varian insisted.
She did and blew out the single candle easily.
"An apple cupcake; oh how did you ever come up with such a clever idea?" She asked of Varian.
"Oh I didn't. It was all Ruddiger. I saw him in the kitchen earlier today putting it together."
This gave Aunt Cass pause. Raccoons were smart, true, but the idea of one actually cooking was ridiculous. But the sheer earnestness of Varian's comment left her confused as to if he was pulling her leg or not.
Ruddiger for his part, looked as proud as he could be, for a raccoon, as he crawled up Varian's back and perched himself on the boy's arm. Â
"I guess he figured you'd enjoy the same stuff he likes. Oh and don't worry I rescued the cool whip can from him before he could eat the rest."
Aunt Cass tried very hard to keep the smile on her face as the news of the wild creature rummaging in her food stores, again, was made known. She gave a tense laugh, "Well I hope the kitchen is clean by tomorrow before the rush."
The implication in her voice was not lost on Varian. "Already done." Â He chirped and Aunt Cass sighed in relief.
"There's one more present." Hiro said as he took the gift bag from Varian. "It's from the both of us."
A lump formed in Aunt Cass's throat as she pulled out the gift. It was a framed photograph, of all three of them hugging.
"I had Baymax snap the photo earlier so you wouldn't notice and had prints made." Hiro explained.
"And I bought the frame so you could hang it up." Varian added.
She couldn't stop the tears from flowing as she choked back her gratitude. Instead she excitedly jumped up and ran around the room looking for the perfect place to put it. T'was a difficult task as she already had so many photos scattered throughout the home.
Finally she decided to hang it up on the wall next to the staircase, right alongside an earlier family portrait, this one depicting Tadashi as a young kid and Hiro not much older than a baby.
"I love it." She finally said through her tears, as she stepped back to admire it. "It's the best birthday present I've ever gotten."
The two boys walked over to join her and she wrapped them in a hug that mirrored the one in the picture.
                         ------------------------
Hiro carried the tray full of dishes into the cafe's back kitchen. He placed the heavy load onto the counter and let out a sigh. He then took a moment to gather himself before heading back out into the fray.
The Lucky Cat was packed today; more so than usual. He had volunteered to help out now that his final project was done ahead of schedule, only for them to get slammed with a bus load of tourists in the first 10 mins of opening, on top of the  regular customers who usually ate breakfast there.
No good deed goes unpunished; he dryly thought.
Just then Aunt Cass walked into the kitchen as well.
"Phew, it's like a madhouse out there. Have you seen Varian this morning? I know I told him he could have the day off, but I might have to ask him for a rain check on that."
Hiro shook his head. The other boy had left before sunrise, leaving only a text that he was going down to the pier. For what reason though, Hiro could only guess.
He didn't have to wonder for long however, for Varian returned at that moment.
"I didn't!" He sang as he burst through the back door carrying a small wooden crate in one hand.
"Did what?" Hiro asked.
"I caught a lobster." Varian eagerly replied. "See?" And with that he held up the fisherman's trap close to Hiro, who jumped back when a claw emerged from between the gaps in the wooden planks and snapped at him.
Unfortunately there wasn't anywhere to run to and so Hiro wound up crawling onto the counter to escape the creepy creature that Varian teased him with.
Hiro wasn't the only one in the household who didn't care for the lobster either. Ruddiger popped out of the storage cabinet he had been hiding in and crawled up upon Hiro's shoulder and hissed at the invading new animal.
This did not make Hiro any more
comfortable.
Varian though was blissfully grinning ear to ear, too proud of his accomplishment to notice or care about their disapproval.
"I caught him this morning. He's got to be at least 16, no 17, pounds! I've never seen one so big. He barely fits into my homemade fishing crate."
"That's great sweetie," Aunt Cass said with a strained smile, "what are you going to do with him? Have lobster thermidor for supper?"
Varian's smile deflated somewhat as he sheepishly tried to explain to Aunt Cass the circumstances that he found himself in.
"Well that was the plan when I went out fishing this morning, buuut, I kind of, sort of, named him."
And with that admission he hugged the crate as if cuddling a kitten.
This proved to be a bad idea though. As the lobster did not like to be cuddled. It turned its claws to snap at Varian instead who dropped the crate in surprise. The fishing trapped shattered and broke apart upon hitting the ground, freeing the creature inside. Then before anyone could stop it, the overgrown crustacean scurried out the swinging doors and into the cafĂŠ.
"Lorenzo!" Varian called out after it as he ran to catch it once more.
Both Hiro and Aunt Cass stood there dumbstruck as the screams of customers and loud clattering noises, that sounded suspiciously like china breaking, could be heard through the other side of the door.
Hiro snagged a weary sidelong glance at his aunt wondering what she might do. All she did was just stand there, wide eyed, unblinking, with shocked dread upon her face.
The clean up of this mess was going to be a nightmare. She'd probably have to spend hours refunding customers, apologizing profusely to them, and practically begging them not to give her a bad rating online.
Hiro took pity on her, and fished out Keri's business card and her phone out of her purse which was hung up on the coat rack by the back door.
"Here," he said as he handed the phone and card to her, "maybe you should take up that offer." Then he also ran back into the cafĂŠ to help Varian catch the wayward lobster.
On his way out the door he heard Aunt Cass say over the phone, "Hello, is this Judy? Hi I was calling back about the spaâŚ"
#varian#Hiro Hamada#krei#big hero six#tangled#bh6#tangled the series#rapunzel's tangled adventure#big hero 6 the series#of rocks and robots#aunt cass
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Greetings to you! On this Mirror Manic Money Making MANIFESTATION MONDAY!! October 11, 2021.
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Most of the individuals on my FB (ms.atlantathickdream) are people from the lifestyle, some are my Spiritual folks, and then there is the actual bread breaking-money spending consumer of mine. Men who were either on my adult streaming platforms and found me on the âbeastâ or men who just stumbled upon me from scrolling.Â
The majority of these people are also on my Instagram(ms.atlantathickdream)-the cousin of the beast(FB). When IG was created,the app probably suggested that they follow me there since they were also on my FB page too. Many of them clicked âadd friendâ only to increase how many friends that appeared on their profile...some of them were NEVER interested in my work...my energy, and were most definitely not considering doing paid business with me. So..this explains a lot...or does it??!!
Yes and NO--it does not explain why when I was doing FREE live positive vibe motivational FB post I had a decent amount of people participating in engagement(but barely did I receive any paid private booking consultations for readings and intimacy/confidence coaching). And when I chose to show up to do my live âChitty Chatsâ dishing on my âEnd of The Day Thoughtsâ..people showed up for those..I guess to hear me run my mouth or to see what the fuck I was wearing and what Iâve been up to---oh---and to see if Iâd possibly bust out and do a little TWERK/dance break for them.
See---after yesterdays lesson...I begun drastically trimming my FBÂ âfriends listâ. Yesterday evening, I got in my feelingâs kinda deep about my Raphael the Masculine post, where I shared my snippets of me acting as my Masculine side. I did it for (drama therapy) healing, comedy reasons and creative expressive purposes too..shit-to showcase my acting talents! I also later posted the same thing on my YouTube channel (atlthickdream) and my Twitter (atl_thickdream) but I chose to premiere it first on the beast(FB). I even went so far as tagging certain random âfriendsâ in the comments (like some people do me,who want me to support their post)...well-that was a fail...the views on the post was low.Â
Now THAT was the final straw for me because as a (for profit) content Creator and a expressive being---the ability to do multiple creativity post is important. I felt (unsupported and misunderstood) YUP-boxed in..but the thing about me when I feel that way I take gasoline and light that bitch up! Â
Yes I was somewhat âhurtâ that people I tagged-most had not taken the time to engage with my post, but I see them popping up on MY timeline. Yes I was also somewhat âhurtâ that someone who has met me in person, a Spiritual âfriendâ commented âhuhâ then âchiilleeâ. Why was I hurt? Because as a Artist and a Creative being who has struggled with people in her personal life accepting all sides of ME-Iâve been doing tons of inner work and healing that Iâve shared and allowed others to witness my growth...plus shared my career desires privately to some as well (some close individuals who happened to be tagged on the post too). So you fucking right...I was feeling some way last night. This was another shake I needed to get myself out of spaces where I am not understood and genuinely supported.Â
Last night I started removing people until my eyes got heavy. And soon as I hit the floor this morning, I started back up again reducing my âfriends listâ. I dedicated my day or however long it took me to chop down the beast list. After almost an hour of removing people-the BEAST bites back and restricts my account!!! The beast disabled me from unfriending on my OWN PROFILE!! Wow!! Yall..this is crazyyy..I know...but a TRUE STORY! I waited a few hours to see if the block would reset...nope! The feature was not restored! The beast was not having that action..the beast trying to keep me down and tied down to what it thinks is my âfriendsâ! What the hell people?! I did message the help center on âthe beastâ but of course no response at all.Â
Listen Dear Reader--its not like âthe beastâ doesnât know that I am Public Figure it owns the cousin IG..where I am listed as a Public Figure there AND I have several like pages&a FANPAGE on Facebook too..so it knows I am there for business not leisure. Shit..I feel bad for the people who actual try to downsize their pages on the only day of the week they had off..they would be screwed.Â
Lastly, I want you the reader to know this...I do also believe that I have been shadow banned slightly on IG because I have been out networking and folks had major difficulty finding my page and on another occasion my bestie couldnât find my IG even when she searched me. I had to DM her in order for her to get directly linked to me. I wouldnât be surprised this is what is going on with the beast/FB because I rarely post on it. And these two apps are known for making the self promotion job of Colored sexy creatives difficult (to be seen and heard). Â
Anyway...Iâll continue to reduce my list on FB, once this feature is restored. I shall WIN against the BEAST! Followers can follow me still but I will not answer âfriendâ request.Â
Hugs to you,
~Dream~
#facebook#facebook bullshit#shadow work#facebook algorithm#social media hacks#real talk#ms atlanta#figuring this out#breaking the code#msatlantathickdream#public figure#content creator#blogger#advocate#coach#curvy and confident#confident women#social media bullshit#that bullshit#they on that bullshit#self promotion#social media marketing#social media engagement#fake friends#removing friends#friends list#true story
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On the Four Table Legs of Traveller, Leg 1: Mortgages
Mongoose Traveller's starship mortgage-payment-system is the most brilliant game mechanic I've ever encountered, as a DM. It's also the first rule I'd ignore if I wasn't consciously trying to play the game exactly how it's described in the book.
A Bit of Background
I've been involved in two Traveller campaigns in the past as a player (both with the same DM), and am currently DMing a third. All of them are using Mongoose's first edition. I've never played any other edition of traveller, and know almost nothing about the history of the game. I don't know which mechanics are unique to this edition of Traveller and which have been around for decades.
In the campaigns in which I was a player, I think the DM was continually frustrated with the rules of the game. He wanted to run a tight, story-focused campaign and picked up Traveller assuming it would be, essentially, D&D in space. For his second campaign, he chopped out huge chunks of the ruleset and replaced it with homebrew ones, removing space travel and Traveller's quirky character creation entirely. This worked for the game he wanted to run (he's an extraordinarily talented DM), but I think we all came away feeling pretty lukewarm about the actual rules.
Bored out of my mind in lockdown, desperate for anything to shake up the daily routine, I picked up the copy of Traveller that had been sitting on my bookshelf, untouched, and skimmed through it. In a mood of "I'll humour this weird rulebook," I followed the random subsector creation chapter to the letter, creating a surprisingly-well fleshed out chunk of space to play around in.
It was then that I realized I'd never actually played Traveller. So I dragged my partner along in an experiment: let's play Traveller, exactly how it is described in the book, no matter how flat-out insane the rules seem to be. I will only consider houseruling or changing a rule once we've both figured out what it's for. I learned a ton in this experiment, so, during my kid's naps (oh, right, I have a daughter now, that's where I disappeared to, Internet), I'll write about what I've learned.
(The Carlia Subsector. Not pictured: along with this map is a LONG word document describing the atmosphere, gravity, population, tech level, cultural quirks, government, etc. of the main world in each of these systems, plus a huge table of the price of dozens of trade goods on each planet. These, it turns out, are crucial game aids. I'll get into them later.)
Traveller, I've learned, is a table held up by four legs: Finances, Character Creation, Patrons, and Random Encounters. If you remove any of these legs, the rest of the game stops working. Following them, as described, gives you a rip-roaring swashbuckling adventure of fighting pirates, escaping bounty hunters, smuggling, jailbreaks, and all that good stuff you want in a campaignâbut it happens spontaneously. I'll get into it more in detail, but for now, we're going to talk about finances in Traveller.
Yes, the Game Is About Mortgage Payments
The central driving mechanic of Traveller is making mortgage payments for your starship. The assumption is that the player characters are part-owners of an FTL-capable starship that's more expensive than any one person, or any ten people, could ever afford outright. The game (thankfully) provides a quick way to calculate your starship's mortgage payments (something like the value of the ship/240 per month), and for all of the example ships in the book, gives them to you pre-calculated. In the case of my solo campaign, my partner owed the bank a whopping 500,000 credits a month for her Corsair. For scale, that's the exact same price as the single most powerful gun in the game (the "Fusion Gun, Man Portable"), owed monthly. In D&D terms, she had to raise the equivalent of a +5 Longsword every. Single. Month.
(In addition to mortgage payments are smaller fees: life support (i.e., food and water), crew salaries, fuel, and ship maintenance, but the mortgage is by far the largest single expense, so that's what I'll focus on).
I started my partner out with a fueled up and fully-crewed ship (we used pre-generated NPC stats from the middle of the book for her crew, plus an NPC who was generated during her character creation, which I'll get into later). Character creation started her with 10,000 credits, and I told her she had until the end of the month to multiply that by fifty times.
Debt Leads to Trade
The fastest way by far in Traveller to make money is to interact with the very well fleshed-out trade rules. Each spaceship has a certain amount of tons of cargo it can carry, and each world has a list of trade goods for sale at various prices. So the clear way to raise that 500 grand was to speculatively buy trade goods, pick up passengers and freight, deliver mail, and so on. These rules are generous; by stacking modifiers, it's possible to reliably quadruple your principal every time you reach a new planet (which happens every week).
I think my old DM severely nerfed the trade rules (he also didn't enforce mortgage payments, leaving them on the cutting room floor like D&D's Encumbrance rules) due to this seemingly-unbalanced generosity. Again: the best gun in the game is 500,000 creditsâso how on earth can a system that lets you make hundreds, even millions, of credits by trading stand?
Well, it turns out, the bank simply taking 95% of your player's earnings every month severely dampens potentially-snowballing nonlinear growth, so my partner and I never saw the kind of wealth explosion that looks inevitable from the rules as written, despite her scraping together everything she could do maximize profits. In all the time we've been playing, despite having already made millions of credits, she actually hasn't been able to buy a gun better than her starting laser pistol, or, in fact, any armour at all. I'll get to why in a moment, because the most important thing about the trade system is thatâŚ
Trade Leads to Travel
Garden worlds sell cheap food. High-population worlds buy food for a high price. High-population worlds sell manufactured goods that are in high-demand on non-industrial worlds, and so on. In a quest to maximize profits, the party was locked into a continual tour of the subsector I generated earlier, constantly moving from place to place. Staying put for any length of time meant letting time trickle away (time that could be spent raking in cash for crippling mortgage payments), so that wasn't an option. What wound up happening was that the party went on a self-guided tour of the subsector, stopping in at colourful worlds I'd generated earlier. This happened entirely without me, as DM, having to dangle bait in front of the party the way that I always have to in D&D. Travel is good, becauseâŚ
Travel Leads to Conflict
I've already spoken at length on the subject of random encounters here, but Traveller really builds the game around random tables in an elegant way. Every time the party jumps from one world to another, there's a chance they'll get waylaid by pirates (the rulebook has a fun, albeit hidden, 'pirate table' that describes different tricks and hijinks that pirates use to attack). 'Pirates' in Traveller are spaceship owners unable to pay their mortgages by legitimate means, so turn to piracy. The fact that the party is always carrying their life savings in trade commodities whenever they travel around makes them a prime target for piracy, and leads to combat with stakes beyond "fight till everyone's dead." The pirates aren't orcs, and don't want to kill the players for no reason. They want to take their cargo and get away as quickly as possible, suffering the least damage as possible, and the players want the opposite. Thus: pre-combat negotiations, tricks, hijinks (my partner, carrying a cargo of "domestic goods," chose to have her crew throw individual toasters out of the cargo bay each in different directions to ensure that the pirates had to engage in lengthy EVA-missions to catch them each, thus allowing her ship to escape without suffering damage).
Traveller's starship battle rules are fun (and integrate into boarding actions that results in player-scale combat), and are triggered primarily just by moving around. Conflict is fun by itself (that's why combat rules are most of the rules in most games), but in this context, have the added advantage, asâŚ
Conflict Leads to Tradeoffs
It became clear to my partner after her first run-in with pirates that her ship and crew were under-gunned. While buying powerful weapons and armour is trivially cheap compared to the amount of money she was raking in through trade (most weapons cap out at a few thousand credits, and she was moving hundreds of thousands a week), actually getting her hands on some was another matter.
Good weapons in Traveller are advanced ones, which have a high-TL (tech level) rating. These weapons are only available on high-TL worlds (each world has a TL rating generated in subsector generation). Making a detour from trading to buy 'adventuring equipment' wound up being an extremely costly endeavour, taking the party weeks out of the way of the most profitable trade route. The closest world in which these weapons exist also outlaws all weapons (various laws are generated procedurally as well) which means engaging in black market smuggling (which is fleshed out in the rules) and risks run-ins with the law.
Compounding this problem was that her Corsair took minor damage in the combat with the pirates, and the nearest world with a shipyard capable of repairing the ship was different from, and out of the way of, the high tech world with fancy fusion guns. Also, getting the ship repaired meant that it would be in drydock for days or even weeks, which incurs an opportunity cost of almost a million credits that could have been made during tradeâŚ
Tradeoffs lead to Debt
In her case, she wound up getting her ship repaired, forgoing arming herself and her crew, and skirting dangerously close to bankruptcy kicking her heels as her ship was patched up. There isn't an easy answer to what she 'ought' to have done, which was fun as hell. Further, as a DM, I wasn't annoyed that she was 'messing up the plot' by staying put (or frustrated that she wasn't going to my elaborately-plotted narrative that would occur when she tried to buy black market weapons) because there was no plot. Everything that came about emerged procedurally.
The 'Loop'
The beating heart of a Traveller sandbox campaign is this loop:
Without DM intervention (or Patrons, which are sort of procedurally-generated adventure hooks), this loop can sustain a campaign pretty much indefinitely. What this means as a DM is that any DM-interventions (i.e., adding in pre-written adventure hooks or encounters or whatever) can be attached to any of these steps to allow it to come about during play. It also means that if you don't have any pre-scripted content (to choose an example completely at random, let's just say your hypothetical one-year-old threw your notes in a toilet) you can just sit back and let the loop above take care of providing entertainment.
To bring this back to mortgages, if your players don't have the threat of having their spaceship repossessed by the bank hanging over them like the Doom of Damocles, then the whole system breaks down, and the DM has to do all the heavy lifting of providing character motivation to go explore new planets.
Next, we'll talk about how Traveller's patron system ties into all of this.
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A Lot of Words about a Thing
This is a âIâm writing this out so next time someone asks I can just point them to this (or copy/paste) instead of having to type it againâ thing.
Iâve been doing Hello Fresh for the last two or three months and I thought Iâd talk about the ups and downs of it and if Iâm going to keep doing it. This is not an endorsement (which will be clear when you get to the overall middling scoring), but I will put a link at the bottom so we can both get a deal if you want to try it.
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So anyway, I had been thinking about doing a meal kit for a long time but pulled the trigger on it back in... like Mid-January, I guess?Â
the tl;dr of it all is that I like it and Iâll probably keep doing it for awhile, but itâs not for everyone, and is expensive for what it is, especially if you already know how to cook.
Before I started, I made myself sit down and write out a quick list of what I wanted to get out of trying a meal kit experience, so Iâll rate how successful or not each one of those things is.
First of all, I want to also say, I can already cook. Iâm a pretty good cook. I can follow a recipe and improvise successfully when necessary usually. One reason why a lot of people do a meal kit is because they need to learn how to cook and that definitely wasnât me.
Also, they offer a variety of number and portions on meals to try. I get three meals a week, with two portions a meal, which means I cook Hello Fresh for dinner one night, and usually the next night have the leftovers. Friday night is usually âYay You Made It To The Weekend, You Get To Order Takeoutâ night. You can order for several more meals a week, and for up to four portions in each meal, if you want.
So on to the reasons why I decided to try HF, with a grading of how I feel about each one after trying.
Reason One: Try Something New
I was super excited at the beginning of the pandemic now working from home full time, because this was a great chance to really start trying some new recipes. I had fallen into a pretty bad rut for awhile of some of the same frozen type meals or just making super easy things for dinner and sandwiches for lunch pre-pandemic. Even though my commute was stupid easy I often felt too wiped at the end of the day to make like, real meals. So when the pandemic hit and I was Home All The Time, for the first couple of months I was buying interesting ingredients (what I could get my hands on at the time) and really digging into making new and interesting things. Even baking my own bread and bought some new kitchen gadgets like a pressure cooker to expand my repertoire.Â
By like... the end of summer... well the good news was that I was still cooking and hadnât fallen back to a packaged-food routine most of the time (though still some frozen pizzas or bags of pre-made Asian or Italian food you cook on the stovetop mostly for lunch) but also I had more or less found The Ten Things I Make (like Spaghetti, a great chicken and rice dish that is so good and makes about 6 meals worth of leftovers) and I was real tired of like, recipe hunting. The most work I was then doing was finding new pressure cooker recipes and tbh almost all of what I was making was Chicken In Some Kind of Sauce Over Rice. I was burned out.
So Hello Fresh... has been great for that. I have only made the same thing a couple of times and those were only because i loved them so much the first time I wanted that thing again. For the most part, I have tried just a ton of new things, including some ingredients Iâve never worked with before or really thought I wouldnât like! And I did! I feel like I am often trying something I have never made before.
Reason 1.5: Variety
OK this is hand-in-hand with Something New but also slightly different.
Try Something New would be rated like a 4.5 out of 5 stars.... but some stars are taken away though, because a lot of their recipes are very similar. For a protein, thereâs like, chicken breasts, hamburger meat, pork chops, chicken sausage and pork sausage. Occasionally steak. Basically every meal will start with one of those things.... oh and I guess thereâs like some fish choices, but I hate fish. Thereâs also vegetarian options, which I have only occasionally gotten. So within the variety, thereâs a lot of similarities.
Also there are a lot of same ingredients in their recipes. I have grated a lot of lemons and limes. I have chopped up a lot of carrots, green onions, and potatoes (so many potatoes.) I have consumed more sour cream than I ever have. I have started looking for ways to add even a little more variety to the things that are often-repeats that they give you. Â
But part of that is my fault -- I am mostly selecting items that I know I will like, or can modify to how I like. There are a lot of veggie and fish-based choices I could pick up most weeks which I avoid.Â
And almost everything Iâve ever made... Iâd make again. I save all the recipe cards so that someday when I donât wanna do HF anymore, I will have all them all handy to make later. The HF Subreddit also has a lot of resources like how to do their custom spice mixes, very handy.  Thereâs been maybe 3 things Iâve made which Iâd say were Just Okay, but nothing Iâd say that was bad.  And some of the ideas in this paragraph I talk about more, further down.
But also on the topic of âVarietyâ -- since every meal I make has two portions (occasionally I will stretch something to three) -- points are given back because Iâm not âMaking a huge pot of spaghetti that I eat for five meals in a row.â So thatâs good, even if it means more cooking overall.
So honestly, on Something New overall, Iâll give this like a 3.5 out of 5 stars, correcting up to 4 stars on a curve, since I strike entire categories of their offerings based on my own tastes. They offer a pretty good variety of meals to select, and part of the problem here is my fault for hating All Seafood and not being thrilled with the vegetarian options (I also donât feel like Iâm getting my moneyâs worth without a protein) so there are a lot of meals re-using similar ingredients.  It slides back down to a 3.5 though when you factor in Reasons 3 & 4 below.
Reason Two: Kill Analysis Paralysis
A thing I found increasingly happening by the end of last year was analysis paralysis. Especially as I started a new job where Iâm much, much busier (but happier) in October. I would find myself staring at the fact that Iâd have to make the decision on What To Make For Dinner and dreading it more and more. It wasnât really the cooking I hated, but the deciding what to cook, which got me into the lack of variety rut. More often than Iâd like to admit Iâd just make a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese or like... just... toast... for dinner because the decision-making part of my brain was tired... or out of spoons as the kids say these days.
This is maybe my favorite part of Hello Fresh overall. Once every week or two I log onto HF, pick what Iâm going to eat like... 5 or 6 weeks in the future, which I can do at a time when I have that decision-making energy, and forget about it. Every Monday a box shows up on my doorstep, I see what nice things I picked out for myself several weeks ago, and the most I have to decide is which order I will make those things in.
So when itâs a âMake Dinnerâ day, I donât have that âshit, I have to make a decisionâ feeling. I already know because I pre-planned it back when I wasnât at the end of a long workday. Itâs one of those small, dumb things that really really helps me mentally in an almost inexplicable way. And I can feel better about myself because I didnât eat something dumb for dinner. And I still allow myself to make easy things for lunch, like a small frozen pizza, a sandwich and some chips, or hey, Kraft Dinner. And sometimes I do make a big pot of Spaghetti or something that I love and will just have that for lunch every day for a week, and so I donât have to feel like Iâm always cooking.
And on Eat HF Leftovers For Dinner nights, thatâs even better, because I have a tasty meal and it just had to get reheated in the microwave or stovetop. Some meals are easy to half-prepare ahead of time on day one, and just do the last steps on leftover night the next night to have fresher dinner easily.
 Just 5 out of 5 stars here. This is my favorite part.
Reason Three: Eat More Vegetables.
Uh, yeah, Iâm terrible about eating veggies on my own. The best I can do usually is buy a bag of mixed greens and try to have a side salad with dinner, or buy bags of frozen foods and hope they come with veggies Iâd eat.Â
So the good thing here, is that when HF sends me vegetables to make, if itâs a veggie I like, Iâll probably make it.
The big problem, though, is that thereâs no substitutions. And Iâm still not gonna eat brussell sprouts or, broccoli, or mushrooms. I was a sport and tried making them (except the mushrooms) the first time I got recipes that used them as sides. And nope... still cant.
But hey, I have done a lot better at eating more fresh green beans, and onions, and carrots, and peppers. Though sometimes I just snack on the bell pepper instead of cooking it. Still, I call it a win.
I really, really wish I could trade out the side-dish vegetables I know I wonât eat for like, a small side salad, an apple, or hey, even just... carrots! But nope, no substitutions. =\ Iâd score this way better if we could do so.
Still, Iâm doing better here, and overall, more vegetables are being eaten. So, 3 out of 5 stars.
Reason Four: Waste Less Food
The amount of fruit and vegetables Iâve ordered and thrown away over the last year make me cringe. I would order things with every intention of eating them and then just... not. Oh yeah I need two lemons, an orange and two limes in case I make ____ recipe! I need a new bag of baby carrots to snack on and make a side dish and cut into a salad!Â
And then I maybe... maybe use half of that before it goes bad.
Probably less. Because of the Analysis Paralysis and not trying new things. You run into that problem where you donât have the ingredients on hand to make a new thing so you canât make a new thing... but then you buy them but forgot (crucial thing) so the thing still doesnât get made. Or you just... donât plan when youâre gonna make the thing and by the time Iâd be like âOh yeah I should make something with those vegetablesâ theyâd have already turned.
SO... I felt shitty throwing away so much produce, and loaves of bread, and other perishable food that got maybe half-eaten. So much, for so long. Yeah, I know I could do better with my meal planning, but itâs been one of those things I always vow to do, and then did not do that thing.
Doing HF has really made me re-evaluate what I buy as groceries, and I have cut way down on ordering unnecessary produce and perishables like bread. Because I donât really have to worry about dinner and am allowing myself to do easy lunches that donât require real âcooking.â So, overall I am definitely buying and tossing less food.
Also just as another quick note -- what also tends to get tossed out of my HF boxes is a âspicy ingredientâ Â But in some ways, this works in HFâs favor. Â I donât really like spicy foods. Â A small amount of spice is OK but Iâd rather just do without it in most things, sorry Iâm that white girl. Â Most âSpicyâ HF meals get spicy by a spice blend, a packet of sriracha / hot sauce, or a jalapeno which they want you to cut up and include. Â So whenever I see something that looks good but listed as âspicyâ, I can check the ingredient list first and see what makes it spicy, If I think the thing still sounds good without the spicy part, I can order it. Â So yeah, Iâll toss spicy ingredients, but that is 100% my choice and it makes things better because it gives me more variety to order those meals and still make it to my own taste.
Oh, and occasionally, the produce is just bad when you get it or not long after.  I havenât had this problem often, mostly with ginger and garlic.  I do evaluate which meal has the most perishables when I get my box on Mondays and make those first. Apparently you can call customer service if this happens for a small credit, but I just use pre-diced garlic or powdered ginger when this has happened to me.
So, this would be a 4.5 out of 5 except for... as discussed above... I end up tossing out HF vegetables on occasion I know I hate and wonât eat, and they wonât let me make substitutions.Â
But also... cooking for myself... when I make a big batch of something that lasts 4 - 6 portions... more often than Iâd like to admit, the last portion or two would never get eaten. Sometimes Iâd TELL myself Iâd eat them in a week or so and freeze them only to throw it all away months later.
So letâs call this a 4 out of 5. Overall, significantly less food waste with HF.
Reason Five: Save Time
I thought that doing HF would mean less prep-work and less time in the kitchen, especially with their easy-to-follow recipes and pre-measured ingredients.
So in that way, yes, time is saved, and it so again takes that mental load off in a lot of ways of not having to make all those pesky decisions. The materials youâre working with and what you need to do are all Right There for you. Itâs really, nice.
As a side note, like I said Iâm a good cook, and I havenât had any problems following along anything Iâve made, but there were a few things I think are more of a moderate skill level and could be a little challenging for newcomers. But then, I see people on the HF subreddit all the time saying they learned to cook with no skill and they find the recipes easy so... weâre good there.
However, Saving Time loses points for two big reasons:
First, Iâm only making two portions of each meal. Which, ok... this is my decision. I could order four portions per meal. But then... hey thatâs taking big points away on the âvarietyâ front.Â
The Vegetable Chopping / prep work on a lot of the recipes often takes 10 - 20 minutes, depending on the number of fruits and veggies. So yay for meeting Goal #3 (more veggies) even if it is balanced out by Goal #5.
And unfortunately, most meals end up taking up more dishes than Iâd like to clean up (usually at least a pan and baking sheet, sometimes also a pot. Plus knife, cutting board, tongs, stirring spoon, maybe a zester, etc.) So no time is saved on cleanup, either.
Mostly where time is saved is having to pick out recipes and making sure you have/buy all the ingredients. Not much is saved in the actual cooking.
I do, however, enjoy the time I spent cooking and the knowledge that Iâm gonna make something good, so weâll give it a bit back, there.
As a time saver, Iâd give HF a 2.5 out of 5 stars.
Reason Six: Save Money
Yâall, Hello Fresh is expensive. Honestly the #1 reason I re-evaluate whether I want to keep going with it every few weeks is the cost. Even though I can afford it.
For basically six meals a week, Iâm paying $63 for the food, plus $9 for the shipping.
Which means Iâm paying $12 a meal. For food I make myself.
Not cheap. A luxury.
Where I donât feel quite so bad about it is the fact that... for the most part, I am wasting a lot less food. Except, as mentioned, when I canât swap out vegetables I hate for something Iâd actually eat.
So that makes it irk me even more when I am throwing out vegetables I really hate, because theyâre expensive vegetables.
Also that price tag is motivation to make and eat every meal.
Overall, my grocery bills have gone down... honestly pretty significantly. Because Iâm not overbuying food! Now, they havenât gone down enough to even out the cost for Hello Fresh... Iâm still probably spending about 50% more overall for each dinner now than I was before.
This isnât a cost savings. Itâs an expense, but one I can afford. And part of writing out this post is to remind myself to decide when the experience is no longer worth the expense.
1 out of 5 stars.
Reason Seven: Eat Better
I would like to challenge myself to define âBetterâ because thatâs all I wrote down when I made the list.
Healthier? Eeeehhhhhh.... maybe? But not much.
Hello Fresh does offer lighter choices, and sometimes I pick those because they look good and are filled with things I will eat!
But Iâm just as likely to pick the most calor-ific things on the menu.
HF also adds a lot of Sour Cream to their recipes, and encourage you to salt and butter your food liberally. I try to cut down on some of this where I think itâs too much. But sometimes thereâs not much to cut out and still have the meal you ordered.
But also Iâm not eating any worse calorie-wise than I was before, probably. And overall Iâm eating a lot more âreal foodâ instead of âpackaged foodâ and fast food than I was.... especially pre-pandemic. And again, I AM eating a lot more vegetables, so.... thatâs... better?
If I define better as Tastier, yeah, Iâm doing pretty good in that regard, haha.Â
So Better as in healthier: 2.5 of 5 stars.
Better as in tastier: 4 out of 5 stars.
Overall Scoring & Tips
Okay, overall that comes out to a 3.18 out of 5, which Iâd round up to a 3.5... which is a pretty good score for how I feel about HF overall. My current plan is to keep doing it until I go back to working in the office again, and re-evaluate. For now, it works for me.
IF YOU WANT TO TRY IT, this is my referral link, youâll get $70 off over a monthâs worth of meals (so like, $20 or something off 3 boxes and $10 off the last one, something like that.Â
I also have four âFree boxâ codes to give out, PM me if you want one of those. I donât think those are compatible with the $70 off link, but it might be a box of completely free food for you? I donât know how it works, but this may be the better deal? PM me.
If you decide to go for it, hereâs a few tips:
Every week or two, go in and choose your meals, donât let HF choose for you unless you really donât care.
Read the ingredient list and make sure thereâs not too much stuff you donât like coming in a meal.
The extras are pretty expensive and not really worth it.
Plan on each meal taking about 45 minutes to cook from start to finish including chopping vegetables. Another 10 - 20 with cleanup depending if you have to handwash dishes or not.
Look for ways to make the meal healthier, especially if it encourages you to add more butter and salt near the end. You probably do NOT need to do so.
Buy a decent pepper. I love McCormickâs Peppercorn Medley pepper grinder. Also sea salt grinder is my personal salt preference.
Add some of your own seasonings. I buy a jar of pre-diced garlic (yes yes I know the criticisms of the stuff but itâs easy) and throw in a half tablespoon or so of that into a lot of recipes. Also there are a lot of potatoes that they want you to just cook with olive oil, salt and pepper. Throw some garlic or onion salt on them, or some Lawryâs Seasoning Salt or steak salt of your choice for some variety.
Your basic 2 quart pot, 8 - 12âł frying pan and cookie sheet, plus a cutting board, decent veggie knife, and typical kitchen utensil set are all you need. However, a decent meat thermometer and a zester that collects the zest as you go are both highly recommended.Â
A sieve and very small rice cooker have also been a lifesaver for making good rice that doesnât get overcooked.
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Smokey band Movie Reviews: Wowza
The Suicide Squad is the best film DC has made since The Dark Knight. Thatâs it. Thatâs the review. If you want to know why i can say that with unassailable confidence, you can continue reading but from this point on, i am literally just going to gush about this f*cking thing like a straight up school girl. Â Itâs that good and you should go watch it right now. This is about to be a love letter to the best film I've seen all year, mostly because i havenât seen any A24 flicks, but this thing is a fantastic consolation for that glaring disappointment.
The Inspired
The writing in this movie is easily the best the DCEU has to offer. I say that knowing there are some people who believe BvS is f*cking Shakespeare and MoS is Hemingway. Theyâre not. Theyâre both dogsh*t. The Suicide Squad absolutely is everything the neckbeard fanboys want those films to be. I marvel at how well the events blend, how organically the character interact, how real they feel in a movie with a giant kaiju space starfish as the driving conflict for the plot. Itâs f*cking inspired and lays solid ground work for very exceptional aspect of this movie going forward. Your film starts on the page and James Gunn understands that sh*t very well.
The emotion in this movie is palpable. I literally teared up toward the end. Thatâs rare for me because I'm kind of an emotionless monster but that line, âIâm a superhero!â f*cking gut checked me. Gunn has done that to me three times. âWE are Groot.â "He may have been your father, boy. But he wasn't your daddy." It wasnât Pete swinging in after the âOn your left.â in Endgame but it was close. Dude is too good at that sh*t and itâs weird that Marvel is willing to let him go. They better lock that dude the f*ck up!
Chemistry is everything for an ensemble like this and this cast definitely has that. I bought their interactions without having to suspend my disbelief, not like in other, lesser SKWAD films. I particularly like the relationship between Ratcatcher II and Bloodsport. That sh*t was sweet and brought a legitimate smile to my face.
I mentioned how well this film was written but, aside from the brilliant plot that made all of these misfit killers relevant, the character work really goes a long way to selling this narrative. Like, you absolutely fall in love with Polka Dot Man by the end of this thing. They made Peacemaker an irredeemable bastard. Like, do you know how well you have to develop a character played by John f*cking Cena, for people to hate him? Heâs the White people version of The Rock! Thatâs near impossible but they definitely pull it off. Itâs like Gunn watched the first SKWAD, saw what they did with El Diablo and just decided to do that. And when i say âdo thatâ, i mean actually write these f*cking characters as people instead of stereotypes and tropes.
The Great
This is an ensemble film, which means it lives and dies by itâs cast. Well, this motherf*cker is living mas! Not a single character was miscast in this. Not a one. From the supporting characters like Alice Bragaâs Sol Soria and Peter Capaldiâs Thinker, to the expendable distraction SKWAD. Loved seeing Jai Courtneyâs Captain Boomerang again and i even like Pete Davidsonâs Blackguard. I canât stand Pete Davidson. This cast is MCU levels of excellent but, of course, there are standouts.
Joel Kinnaman as Rick Flag does the best work of his career. This dude almost always sucks in the roles he takes on but I'm starting to think thatâs because of the direction heâs given because dude kills it as Flag in this. I genuinely liked him this time around. He felt like a real person and not some caricature of whatever the generic US Marine is supposed to be.
Margot Robbie is the live action Harley Quinn. She embodies this character like Ledger did Joker and RDJ did Stark. Itâs that good and this version of Harley is easily the best. She feels complete, like sheâs finally the Harls in the comics and i love it. This Harleen is who the character should have been from the jump but a lot of that was on Margot. She had to grow into the character, develop her ability because the first time she donned that Puddinâ necklace was rough. Sheâs come a long way and so has Harley.
I touched on this before but John Cenaâs Peacemaker is a f*cking bastard. This casting genius because of the message behind the movie. Iâll get into that later but casting the most All-America motherf*cker to play the villain in a film about US involvement in Sovereign Foreign nations? And for Cena to literally play up his Patriot shtick only to turn out to be an allegory for the sordid reality of America? Bro, this sh*t got over. Cena is outstanding as Peacemaker. This cat really does have the chops to be a movie star. Looking forward to this show they gave him, for sure.
Polka-Dot Man is arguably the best character in this entire film. I love what Gunn wrote for him and absolutely adore how David Dastmalchian gave the character life. He had the best arc in the entire film and i really enjoyed his journey. When he got his moment, i teared up a little bit. Dude deserved that. Dude earned that. For me to have such a visceral reaction to that scene is testament to how well  Dastmalchian did his job!
Listen, i love Idris Elba. I do. Cat has all of the swagger. Heâs easily as charismatic as Obama and i dig that. However, he just plays Idris Elba. Like, his Bloodsport is literally just John Luther but, you know, murder prone. Thatâs not a bad thing, it definitely works, but, if I'm being honest, as a character, heâs the weakest of the lot but thatâs how good everyone is in this. Idris f*cking Elba is the weakest character in this cast! What?? Itâs not even like heâs bad or anything, he just plays the same dude over and over.
And now we get to my favorite character in this flick, Ratcatcher II. Listen, i have no idea who the f*ck Daniela Melchior is, but she is the absolute heart of this film, the moral compass of this team, and she never shirks away from that challenge. She has outstanding chemistry with Elba and the relationship between their two characters is the sweetest sh*t I've seen in a long time. It reminded me a lot of Logan and Laura. Melchior, if he chooses, can have a great career in Hollywood because sheâs a real talent.
The Good
The plot to this thing makes sense. Itâs not something as intricate as The Dark Knight but itâs head-and-shoulders better than anything the DCEU has produced and objectively sh*ts on the SKWAD that came before it. Destabilizing a small Latin American nation feels more like something Waller would have theses assholes do, rather than trying to kill a f*cking god with boomerangs and bullets. This movie is everything the first SWKAD attempt wants to be.
The violence and gore in this is ramped up to a eleven. There is a lot of grotesque sh*t in this thing and it starts the second Blackguard gets his face blown off. Like, his entire f*cking face. You see ALL of that sh*t and SO much more. Like, it gets grimy and i appreciated that. A SKWAD film needs that blood. This is a team of remorseless killers. We, as the audience, need to feel that and this flick delivers.
James Gunn can direct his ass off. When they announced he was going to be in charge of this film way back when, i knew it was going to be legit. When they announced t was a hard R, i needed it in my life. Weâre talking Guardians with murder. Were talking the quintessential James Gunn vision and what a vision it is. Not only did he direct the f*ck out of this movie, but he wrote it, too! Mans has the only writing credit on this production. This is all him! Itâs wild seeing the difference between directors on display. Gunn delivered a film that one could argue is the best of the year while Zack Snyder made f*cking Army of the Dead. The discrepancy between the quality of these two films is why i hate Snyder so much and have all of the love for Gunn.
The imagery in this thing is f*cking top tier. There are shot that are legitimate art It's a weird juxtaposition considering how bloody some of these scenes get but, f*ck, is it gorgeous!
I have to mention the editing. I usually donât bother because itâs always adequate and, admittedly, it feels only slightly better in this film but itâs competent. Itâs better than the first and you really feel that sh*t. Like, i watched the movie in preparation for this one and, oh my god, the difference in an actual team of professional film editors really cut a great film. Whoâ have thought letting a f*cking trailer house construct your movie that it would end up feeling like a ton of trailers strung together and be bad?
This movie is overtly political. It has a lot to say about the influence of the US abroad. It doesnât shy away from the realities of our international policy and really hammers home the reality of what the United States is, rather than the way we portray ourselves to be. This culminates in a struggle between Flag and Peacemaker; Both soldiers to the core but on opposite ends of the American ideal. Itâs actually really brilliant and, if you arenât paying attention, will go over your head. This is how you instill your politics into a film. This is how you execute ideals in a narrative. Gunn has a lot to say and he says it in the loudest way, but with the quietest voice.
The Okay
The only beef i can see people having with this is the exposition dumps. There are a few but they kind of stall the overall flow. I didnât mind them too much because, by the time we get to them, the film has built up so much good will by being just fantastic.
The Verdict
I f*cking loved this movie, dude. Look how long this list of dope sh*t is. I literally itemized all of the reasons why this flick is so great. I canât articulate it and more clear. I told you at the very beginning, literally the first thing i wrote, that The Suicide Squad is the best film in the DCEU and i mean that sh*t. Grace Randolph is a f*cking hack. Donât listen to her incredibly bias opinion. Just f*cking go watch it and decide for yourself! Itâs in theaters right now and on HBO max for free.
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any bittyholtz headcanonsđ
holster knows heâs big ok? and he realizes pretty quick his sophomore year that bitty is Not Great at handling large guys coming at him quickly. so out of consideration for this tiny frosh, who is cute but holster can also tell is scared shitless by ransom and holster being their loud selves, holster tries to be conscious of bitty and respect his space (and also not yell too much around him because who knows what specifically bothers him)
and the great thing about ransom and holster being best bros for so long is that holster doesnât have to explain what heâs doing to ransom, ransom just kind of matches him and thatâs that
and holster is delighted every time bitty opens up a bit more and relaxes a bit more around the team, and when he comes out to ransom and holster holster internally is like oh. oh of COURSE. of course big loud jocks who talk about hooking up with women all the time and check people really hard on the ice bother him. duh holster
but holster would NEVER hurt someone for being gay thatâs a huge asshole move and he feels it is Very Important That Bitty Knows That Holster Would Never Hurt Him. why does he feel itâs so important?? thatâs a question for later holster isnât a whole âanalyze my feelingsâ dude
so holster actively makes an effort to be around bitty in a non-threatening way. by a couple of months into spring semester theyâre very comfortable around each other, comfortable enough that bitty jokes about their size difference and at one point he literally jumps into holsterâs arms (who catches him on instinct) and then holster is like oh my god iâm holding bitty. oh my god heâs so small but so muscular. oh my god his hair smells so nice oh god oh fUCK
there is literally so much more under the cut. (send me ur headcanons for rarepairs/qpps!)
bitty, for his part, was initially very wary of ransom and holster for exactly the reasons holster figured out. it also doesnât help that ransom dresses like a preppy frat bro and holster dresses like a messy frat bro. theyâre both frat bros and bitty takes a long time to warm up to them.
but what does help is the way holster always lets bitty know heâs there before he gets too close (sometimes bitty is in the zone in the kitchen and doesnât notice things like his teammates entering), and the way he doesnât friendly-punch bitty like he does ransom. or jack. or shitty. or even lardo honestly nobodyâs safe. except bitty is.
holster is also definitely responsible for putting some of bittyâs favorite songs on the kegster playlist and bitty definitely finds out and his heart warms a little more
and once bittyâs come out to ransom and holster and they donât treat him any differently or weirdly and still profess their love for him when he bakes things without a single no homo, bitty finds himself hanging around with them a little more?
ransom likes to study in the attic without distractions so that means that bitty and holster wind up spending a lot more time together and listen. bitty canât spend that much time with holster without noticing that the guy is a) extremely tall b) ripped and c) has an excellent jawline. and bitty is only human yâall
when he plays music in the kitchen holster will always dance (and sing along if he knows the words, or enough of the words to get them wrong in a funny way because bittyâs laugh sounds like angels singing and okay yeah holster is smitten)
holster Cannot make pies because he cannot touch pastry, bitty forbids him from trying before he even asks because his hands are too warm and heâll fuck it all up. (holster, internally, is pleased bittyâs noticed. bitty, internally, is like fuck was that too weird) BUT if holster is in there he usually gets dragged into stirring things or chopping things or handing bitty sticks of butter from the fridge and basically whatever he can do without fucking up the pastry
and a while after that holster is like hang on wait itâs been a while since i realized i had a crush on bitty and it has Not gone away should i like. i donât know. fucking tell him iâm into guys or something like that?? that would be smart
this is more how they get together than a list of headcanons LMAO i always get distracted and this is so fucking long omg
so heâs like rans. how do i do this. and ransom is like you should blast gettinâ bi from crazy ex girlfriend and holster is like weird. i love it.
other things holster does to subtly let bitty know heâs bi: loudly discuss his plans for going to pride that summer, make a lot of bi puns and hope one of them lands, show bitty funny posts from the lgbtq+ samwell student group on facebook
eventually bitty is like . hm. holster is either a VERY supportive ally. or he is trying to tell me something. and after the 80th bi meme post from the facebook group heâs like holster. hon. are you trying to tell me something
and holster is like YES. I AM BISEXUAL and bittyâs like oh thatâs great!! (internally: can i climb him like a tree yet)
and then bittyâs like well thanks for telling me! and holster is like uh yeah! (because listen heâs good at wheeling but he is SO bad at wheeling bitty because this isnât just someone cute he found at a kegster u know??? itâs BITTY and holster kind of wants to sweep him off his feet but in like. a gentlemanly way that wonât scare him)
when holster relates this interaction to ransom ransom is like oh my fucking god holster you could have told him and holster is like yeah and i did not for some fucking reason???????? ransom. iâm dumb and ransom is like no you just caught feelings
(bitty, to shitty: hey so uh. if a guy aggressively hints heâs into guys for like. a month. and then when i ask him straight out he tells me heâs bi. what does that mean. and shittyâs like i mean i wouldnât know unless i know the guy?? but i wouldnât ask u to tell me bc like. hes gotta choose who heâs out to u know and bittyâs like yeah i mean u know him but maybe iâll ask him who else heâs out to bc i need some advice and shitty is like hell yeah)
the next day, bittyâs like holster are u out to anyone else?? just bc the team seems kinda. hetero. except for me. and holster is like oh yeah rans knows and shitty knows. also johnson. and jack if heâs not stupid because iâve definitely had guys stay over. but mostly just the guys in the haus yeah
then they go to murder stop ân shop and buy baking ingredients. holster carries a metric fuck ton of flour and butter and pretends he doesnât notice bitty staring at his arms (but he might flex just a little more than necessary)
so bittyâs like EXCELLENT. and then he talks to shitty again and is like ITâS HOLSTER AND IâM SUPER INTO HIM WHAT DO I DO and shittyâs like hooooo boy. and then HEâS like well uh. holster doesnât like. feel the need to formally come out to people usually like the way he told me was by just telling me about a guy he hooked up with last year with zero context or warning? like i donât know holster as well as, like, rans, but he definitely wants you specifically to know that heâs bi.
and bittyâs like intriguing. iâm gonna go combust now. and shittyâs like cool catch ya later.
so then bitty decides thereâs only one way to find out if holsterâs into him. and itâs not asking him, what the fuck?? no obviously not. itâs wearing very short shorts and touching him a lot and watching him to see if he blushes or gets flustered. bitty may not be a blunt or forthright person when it comes to hitting on people but he can at least make it impossible for holster to try and hide any feelings he may or may not have.
so rip holster is what iâm saying. but he also observes how much bitty is still watching him-- usually when bitty is doing something like wearing very short shorts or dancing at a kegster or flinging himself into holsterâs lap-- and heâs like HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. because also holster is like way more experienced with like. relationships in general? like heâs familiar with what someone flirting with him looks like. so heâs like alright well if bitty wants to make me suffer iâm going to make him suffer too. (ârans can i borrow your skinny jeansâ âis this so you can get back at bittyâ âyes itâs importantâ âyeah sure whateverâ)
holster knows heâs jacked, he just has to make sure bitty knows it. he also knows that bitty is comfortable with holster standing pretty close to him now so heâs going to use that to his advantage since holster is also tall as Fuck. (obviously he doesnât do anything creepy like stand right behind him or smth but like. if theyâre talking. holster is gonna get just a little in bittyâs space just so bitty has to look up at him a little. is this partially because bitty has really nice eyelashes? yeah)
basically what iâm saying is once holster decides to get back at bitty all hell breaks loose. literally nobody else in the haus can deal with the sexual tension when theyâre in the same room. bitty is now pretty sure that holster is into him. shitty texts bitty saying âcan you please bone for the love of godâ. for good measure shitty also texts holster saying the same thing. heâs so tired but also this is hilarious
like it gets EXTRA. bitty and holster can both bend and snap and they DO. holster intentionally spills water on his t-shirt to make it cling more. when he sits at the kitchen table doing work bitty comes by and leans over his shoulder to see what heâs doing and if he brushes holsterâs neck a little as he does it, well, thatâs between them. at one point holster and bitty are both standing at the counter washing dishes and holster starts chirping bitty about not being able to reach the top shelf and asks if he wants to stand on a chair and bittyâs like hmm or you could just carry me. and holster almost has a conniption and it gets even worse when they finish washing up and bittyâs like oh great the counterâs all cleared off! and hops up and sits on it and that gets his face a little closer, vertically, to holster, who is suddenly aware that bitty is wearing very short shorts AGAIN, which like, seem to have become his uniform, and that when bitty sits like that holster can barely see those shorts, thatâs how tiny they are, and it looks like bittyâs just sitting there in a shirt and nothing else and holsterâs brain supplies a LOT of images once he thinks of that and hoo boy.
and holsterâs like how can i get back at him. and bittyâs sitting right next to the hanging cabinets so holster grabs some of the plates from the drying rack that look dry enough and goes and stands *right* in front of bitty. like heâs not actually brushing bittyâs legs where they dangle off the counter but if he stepped forward like. half an inch. he would be. and they make eye contact for a second and then, without moving, holster starts putting plates away.
and bitty is like oh my fucking god WHAT else do i have to do (he doesnât say this out loud) and then when holsterâs done putting away the plates and it looks like heâs going to go grab more bitty just. wraps his legs around holsterâs waist and pulls him in (and holster is like holy FUCK because he knew bittyâs legs were strong but not THAT STRONG HOLY SHIT) and at this point thereâs really nothing else for them to do but make out at the kitchen counter and thatâs what they do. (bitty does, in fact, climb that man like a tree)
okay so some actual headcanons lol. you thought you knew bitty was a clothes stealing fiend?? you were wrong. he absolutely is but you just didnât know how much. does holster still have literally any of his sweatshirts? probably not honestly
the only way bitty will sit on the green couch will be if holster is sitting on the green couch and bitty is sitting in his lap because that way he can avoid any actual contact with the couch
when bitty makes anything with blueberries in it holster steals some but he also feeds bitty some because heâs mushy like that
they continue to go to extreme lengths to try and get each other flustered in public. shitty is so tired.
they share playlists constantly and even more of bittyâs favorites find their way onto the kegster playlist
when bitty moves into the haus holster is in his room c o n s t a n t l y. he just likes the space ok??? thereâs lil reminders of bitty everywhere and of course if bitty is there too then thatâs just the BEST
the puck bunny halloween costume physically murders adam birkholtz
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Gretchen Lieberum Interview: Eerie Nostalgia
BY JORDAN MAINZER
Singer-songwriter Gretchen Lieberum wanted to make an album of standards while totally subverting your preconception of what that sounded like. With This May Only Be A Dream, which came out Friday, she succeeds, in both capturing the magic of old recordings and performance styles while talking full advantage of the time-bending quality of modern production. In BAFTA-winning composer Keefus Ciancia, Lieberum picked the perfect partner. After singing over piano, she sent what were basically demos to Ciancia, who removed the piano, deconstructing and reconstructing the songs to then be rerecorded with session musicians. The result shares the ambition of something like Julia Holterâs version of âHello Strangerâ but over a whole album. Album opener âCome Rain or Come Shineâ, which has been recorded by Ray Charles, Billie Holliday, and Chet Baker, combines lurking, fluttering woodwinds with reverb-laden vocals and chaotic orchestration. On âBlue Skiesâ, a song that you expect to build up with drums, strings, and chorus, like in a climax scene in a Hollywood epic, the strings cut in and out, toying with your perception. While there are some songs that sound familiar, like the Fiona Apple-esque percussive clatter of âAngel Eyesâ or the solemn, quiet closer âWhile Weâre Youngâ, the back-and-forth between subtlety and Technicolor orchestration keeps you on your toes.
A couple months ago, I spoke with Lieberum from her home in L.A. and Ciancia from his in France about how the album was constructed, their approach to recording, and how they would describe the music. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.
Since I Left You: So this seriously just started with you singing over piano, Gretchen?
Gretchen Lieberum: I have a friend who has a studio in his house. I wanted to do an album of standards for years and years. Itâs just an idea Iâve had I couldnât let go of. I wanted to do an album of these songs but interpreted in an unusual way, not acoustic bass, drums, piano, and thatâs it. Iâve known Keefus for years, and he was the only guy I wanted for the job. So I waited years and years, and finally, the timing was right to start working on it. Iâd just record vocals with my friend Peter at his studio playing piano, which is great because I do much better in low pressure situations. If Iâm in a big fancy studio, Iâm like, âOh god, how much is this costing?â Itâs hard for me to be emotional and in the moment. I was just able to go to my friendâs house and record any song that popped into my head or I was feeling. I would send them to Keefus, and he would pick his faves. I think I recorded maybe 25 songs in all, and we ended up with 10.
Keefus Ciancia: The most important part is what Gretchen said--the comfort zone that Gretchen was in where she could get to the feel and heart of the song, comfortably with Peter. Heâs an amazing piano player, and they had such a good rhythm that everything I was getting made it so that it was just real. It felt right. That was always fun to be able to open these and also have total separation, pick out Peterâs stuff and start reimagining things, erasing the chords. Gretchen was on fire! She was knocking them out. A lot of great pieces Iâve never heard, too, which I really enjoyed. Maybe that was good for me, too, to not know those standards as well so I wasnât trapped in the chords. Maybe my lameness of being a hack--I wanted to be a jazz player but I couldnât do it! [laughs]
GL: Thatâs whatâs so great. I didnât want a jazz guy to produce it. Thatâs what ended up happening--he would choose his own chords underneath the melodies that were really interesting and cool.
SILY: Did you know he was gonna remove the piano?
GL: Oh yeah. I know Keefusâs aesthetic and how he works, so I was like, âIâm gonna send you this, have fun, go to town.â I sent him literally zero notes and never knew what I was gonna get back. Thereâd be a song thatâs a stark ballad that would come back with a full orchestra, some of the tempo sped up, some of it slowed down. Different lines chopped up into different places. Quite a few times, Iâd take the song and rerecord the vocal to go with what Keefus did, to emotionally match what he created. Sometimes not--the song âCome Rain or Come Shineâ was one take I did at Peterâs house and didnât change at all.
SILY: How did you whittle down from the initial list of 25 songs for this record?
GL: This project was so much about emotion and love and love of these songs. What songs I loved singing and what was inspiring me. I grew up in a house where jazz was constantly playing. My father wasnât a musician but a huge fan. It was a big part of my life growing up. I was in the jazz band as a singer in high school. These are songs Iâve known my whole life. There were some that I tried that I didnât feel that I didnât send to Keefus.
There are a few that arenât jazz standards, too. We do a Beach Boys song, which is also a song that I love.
SILY: Theyâre standards nonetheless, independent of genre.
GL: Yes.
SILY: What made you want to release âCome Rain or Come Shineâ as the first single and open with it?
GL: Itâs just one of my favorites. One of the ones Iâm most proud of. Itâs indicative of the project as a whole. Itâs a standard I approach traditionally from how Iâm singing it, but there are these surreal flourishes around it. Also, I mean, what an intro, that [screams]Â âAhhh!â
KC: I agree.
SILY: What was the process of getting the session musicians in after Keefus worked on the songs?
KC: Basically, it was kind of known all the way through that once we got these bodies weâd get some more breath and air on it to get more of the quality Gretchen and I love from old 50â˛s recordings but also taking it somewhere new. That studio is now closed--Vox Studios--such an amazing place that was perfect for that record. It was the first commercial studio in Hollywood through Paramount.
GL: It was the longest continuously running studio in the world, I read.
KC: Someone will move in, Iâm sure. Woody [Jackson], who owns it, there was no rebuilding the rooms because they sounded so good from how they were built in the 40â˛s. The room is amazing, and his engineer Michael Harris is incredible. He was the first one to get his ears on this stuff besides Gretchen and I. To be able to put it in a room, listen through a different system, warm things up for his outboard gear. We had some of our favorite musicians. It wasnât a ton of folks, but the dream scenario where we had 5 days and a rolling, âGet movingâ. The next day, Gretchen sings, then some more people come in.
GL: Jay Bellerose is so damn good. So tasty. He just goes in and does his thing.
KC: His heart breathes all the old jazz but heâs also someone who likes to keep pushing things. I think that was the trick with us--we always want to hear something new. Of course, there are some things that sound great that you should do again, but we all listen to music so much you just want something new. Sometimes, you have to make it yourself.
SILY: The album does sound new even though it has older reference points, both the songs themselves and aesthetically. A lot of older jazz tunes with woodwinds and fluttery strings have something eerie and disorienting about them. Thinking about a track like âBlue Skiesâ, when the sound cuts in and out. Thatâs not something you hear on traditional âstandardsâ records. To what extent were you trying to achieve that eerie nostalgia?
GL: I think âeerie nostalgiaââs just our M.O., you know? [laughs]
KC: I like that, eerie nostalgia.
GL: I donât even think we try.Â
SILY: âFor All We Knowâ starts out with quiet plucks of string but ends up a swinging jazz tune, the moment on here thatâs the most âtraditional.â
GL: Even on that one, itâs funny because our friend David Ralicke, who plays the horns on everything--heâs incredible and has such great taste. But this one, I was like âKeefus, I donât know.â Keefus was like, âItâs gotta get big. Itâs gotta be a party at the end, an explosion!â Ralicke, he sent a bunch of horns. When he sent them in, they were very bright and intense, and I was like, âOh god, this is a little weird!â Keefus was like, âDonât worry, Iâm gonna make it weird and demented.â It is traditional, but something about the way itâs mixed or the added affects give it that eeriness, which I love.
One thing Keefus often did that was really surprising to me was there were songs I sent as straight ballads, like this one. If you listen to the lyrics, the first half is like, âWho knows whatâs gonna happen? Life is so uncertain.â But then itâs like, âWho cares? Tomorrow may never come.â And itâs a celebration. Itâs one of my favorite songs now after being most uncertain about it at first. Keefus, you sent me Frank Sinatra, Jr. singing âBlack Knightâ [as a reference]. It starts as a ballad and explodes, an emotional outburst.
SILY: Is there any other specific track on here you think is a standout?
KC: Each one is such a little episode, that even that was tricky to put in order for the record. It almost would have been interesting to go old school and release 45s, make each one of them a single and B-side. When you hear âWild Is The Windâ, on my radio, I would make that a single. Itâs totally different than the others. Itâs not this powerhouse. But if I bought it as a single, I would think itâs a really beautiful single. Same with âWho Knows Where The Time Goesâ. Thatâs on Keefus & Gretchen radio. [laughs]
GL: âWho Knows Where The Time Goesâ was the very first song Keefus did. It was the only vocal recorded at my house, with a different friend in my dining room, with a little laptop mic set up. We used that vocal. Itâs a pretty special one, and genre-defying. âWild Is The Windâ fits comfortably in the jazz section. Or not--I donât know. Itâs a weird question. One of the things I hate more than anything is when Iâm uploading my music and it asks you to pick a category. I donât know. I hate picking a category. Nothing feels quite right, and it feels like a mixture of all of these things.
KC: Gretchen is a huge jazz fan listening for a long time, but jazz records strayed from her and my tastes as it went along. Jazz records went on a different road and started getting not such a punk rock vibe. It was a classy thing, not so underground. That was one thing we were talking about when finishing the record. We think it should be heard by all age groups and invite them to learn these pieces because they might not have the chance to learn them as often. To pick a genre can really be dangerous for all artists because there are a ton of artists that like a ton of different music and can make a ton of different music and change their records as they go. That was big, too: approaching this apart from being a jazz record and bringing in new listeners. Gretchen and I donât know exaxctly how this works with the tagging on Spotify, but if you put âjazzâ on it, does that mean other people will never listen to it?
GL: I donât think it is a jazz album. Itâs an album of standards, but I wouldnât call it a jazz album.
KC: I like to call it torched songs instead of torch songs.
SILY: What was the overall approach to the sequencing?
GL: I really pulled my hair out. I was crying myself to sleep at night. It was hard. One thing we ended up doing, which was Keefusâs idea, was he felt like the A-side of the record leaned themselves more to samples and surreal electronic elements. Keefus was like, âOnce you get sucked into the album, the vibe is very complementary, and you can take people anywhere.â So after the first 4-5 songs, âWild is the Windâ comes, which is a stripped down ballad. From then, youâre just on the ride.
SILY: What was the inspiration behind the album title?
GL: I had this idea of taking a line from one of the songs as the album title. I went through all the songs and went through some of my favorite lines. At one point, I thought I was gonna call it âHow Blue The Skyâ which is from the last song, âWhile Weâre Young.â But then I thought âThis May Only Be A Dreamâ felt really good with the dreaminess of this music and the somewhat surreal journey it takes you on. One thing Iâm really proud of about the record is it takes you on an emotional journey from start to finish. I know the kids donât listen to albums anymore. Peter was one of the people I sent it to, and he said, âI feel like I watched a film listening to this album.â That felt right.
SILY: Whatâs the story behind the cover art?
GL: Keefusâs daughter Raven [Violet Ciancia-Vincent] is a really talented visual video artist. Sheâs the one that directed the video for âCome Rain or Come Shine.â We made a video for the song âDonât Explainâ, and thatâs just a still from the video. She layers things like a collage, so thereâs a video of me with fireworks on top of it. When I was trying to come up with something to make the cover, I took a bunch of stills from the video, and that one jumped out at me, especially with the title, This May Only Be A Dream. I just thought it really worked beautifully together. The font, to me, is a throwback to the Blue Note covers. I know a lot of people do Blue Note covers, so I wanted to do a little nod to it without fully going there.
SILY: Are you planning on doing any shows?
GL: When we do end up playing live again--Keefus, I should probably talk to you about what the hell you think I should do--but some of it would be laptop-tracked songs with live bass or drums on top of it. Thatâs possible, right, Keefus?
KC: I would dream of a full-on 10-to-12 piece orchestra. For a special show in Los Angeles, and when everything explodes, a special show in New York and Paris. I think you could get the right band, and itâs all completely playable.
GL: Maybe a keyboard player adding samples.
KC: Do you play, Jordan? Gretchenâs looking for band members.
SILY: I donât.
GL: Show me ya stuff, kid! [laughs]
SILY: What else is next for you?
GL: My husband [filmmaker Jacob Aaron Estes] ended up doing an alternate video for âDonât Explainâ that weâre gonna release that Iâm pretty excited about. The other thing that I do--which is a totally other universe--is my Prince cover band with Maya Rudolph. I hope we start playing again. That would be great. I am glad, though, that I had so much time to focus on my own music. As much as I love doing Princess, itâs not totally me. I want to really focus on this for a while.
KC: Iâm doing Pringles commericals. [laughs] Iâve been working on a bunch of shows and some records and a new soundtrack for a show [Made For Love]. Iâve made a lot of music during the last year and a half. Thereâs some fun stuff coming up. Iâll start a new Unloved record when our band is allowed to fly over here.
SILY: Anything youâve been listening to, watching, or reading thatâs caught your attention?
GL: My mind just went utterly blank. [laughs] Utterly. Iâve been reading a lot of weird dystopian future stuff to distract my anxiety about the dystopian future stuff weâre dealing with in real life. Reading it calms my nerves.
KC: I watched the Bee Gees documentary [How Can You Mend a Broken Heart]Â the other night on HBO. I thought it was beautiful. They just touch those places, when you hear those voices.
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