#oh todays smoothie was my first one using this blend which was

[altruistic-meme]

frozen bananas seem to be the only frozen fruit my blender can genuinely take ;;;; i mean it did successfully blend the other frozen fruit but she was STRUGGLING to get it done

also; didnt like the new blend, rip me, idk if its just that the squash had more flavor than expected or if it was simply the pineapple. but. something in todays smoothies wasn't it for me.

[ushidoux]

November Baby - Ushijima x Reader

Summary: Wakatoshi offers you a little more than just chocolate and flowers on Valentine’s Day. (~2.7k words)

Warnings: breeding kink, pregnancy talk, cisfem!reader, nsfw

A/N: Breeding kink and big one-track minded boy just go hand in hand. This is for @prettysetterbaby’s Valentine’s Day collab!

---

Wakatoshi never told you directly that he wanted children, but he signaled so in every possible way. 

It was initially subtle - of course, he’d always loved your hips, but his eyes and hands started to rest on them more often, and soon your belly became his favorite place to plant soft kisses, and his fingers started to favor the dip in your waist and the smoothness of your hips.

In the evenings when you washed up for the night, his eyes seemed to hone in on your facial features more than usual, and while he stood beside you at the bathroom sink to get ready of his own accord as you brushed your teeth and swiped toner on your face and neck, you could see him perform a sort of math in his head, adding and subtracting from the elements that comprised the two of you. 

You took note of all these behaviors, but you declined to pick his brain because your Toshi was always direct, and you knew that if he was quiet now, it was only because he was still coming up with the proper words to express what he was feeling.

But he let you know all right, in the middle of a crowded department store in the heart of Warsaw that looked like it had been ransacked by Cupid’s battalion many times over.

“Is Poland just really into Valentines’ Day or is it this store?” You joked, as you followed your husband leisurely pushing a shopping cart you’d overloaded with essentially useless trinkets and decorative items. You’d moved into your new home just a couple of weeks ago, and still were engrossed with the task of filling the empty spaces between comfy furniture and elegant fixtures. 

You were now trekking through the realm of cribs and diapers and couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at the frankly quite excessive marketing. Red and pink hearts were everywhere, as were flowers, huge balloons, chubby angels and red crossbows, you name it.

“Oh my God, even the baby section is Valentine’s Day themed??? No wonder everyone I know is born in November!”

You were busy laughing at your own joke, but instead, he looked at you with the slightest bit of caution in his hazel eyes, leaning over the cart as it rolled to a stop and gripping the handles carefully.

“Let’s have a November baby, too,” he said, abruptly enough to stun you for a split second.

Your eyes grew slightly wide, your face growing hot at his clear and concise statement, and you quickly looked around to see if anyone else had picked up his distinct baritone. You knew in your heart of hearts he was completely serious, and flustered, you bumped him slightly on the hip.

“Why would you say it right now?” You hissed.

“Does it matter where I say it?” He asked, with a slight raise of his eyebrows. You pouted, fingers tightening on the handles of the shopping cart as well. His eyes were still on you, again, gauging your reaction, worried if he was too forward and if he had somehow made you upset with his suggestion.

“Only if you want to of course, my love,” he reassured again, his hand now covering yours. His smile was understanding, even if there was a hint of lingering hope.

The warmth was fading from your face, your heartbeat that had sped up due to embarrassment now settling with the stroke of his thumb over the back of your hand.

It didn’t take you long to think because the thought had already crossed your mind. Being heavy with his child, then eventually coming to this very store with a small little one that looked like the two of you…

It was a delightful thought, actually.

“Wine and dine me first,” you teased, kissing him quickly on the nose, “and then we can consider having a Valentine’s Day baby.”

He grinned, the slightest bit of mischief in his glance.

“I’ll have you pregnant by the end of the night.”

---

Dumping your pill pack into the trash was a surprisingly simple ordeal and you were very thankful it was mainly used for birth control over anything else. But out of an abundance of caution, you’d decided to shoot a message to your primary care doctor earlier that morning anyway and gotten the green light to start immediately, which was reassuring if not embarrassing. While you knew she didn’t take it this way, part of you felt like you’d essentially disrupted her life to say by the way, my husband’s gonna fuck me into oblivion until i pee positive on a stick, any objections?

Ushijima seemed to be taking this ordeal very seriously as he was prone to do, his diet even more regimented than usual despite being off-season and adding an extra ten minutes to his morning jog, a protein-heavy green smoothie in hand. While that was cute, what wasn’t cute was the fact that he hadn’t touched you in the past week.

When you rolled over to him in the middle of the night, slipping your hand down his boxers to try to get him to give you what he wanted, he responded with a kiss on the lips before gently removing your hand off of him and intertwining his fingers with that hand instead. 

“If I’m going to breed you, it’s gonna be special,” he murmured almost directly into your ear, a tinge of slumber in his voice making his voice even more seductive.

Breed? The thought itself had your heart racing but not as much when he added,

“I’m saving up to fill you with the biggest load possible, sweetheart.” 

With that, he patted you on the head before whispering for you to go to sleep and anchoring an arm around your midsection to snuggle with you, but the thought of what he would do to you had you wide, wide awake.

---

The fact that you were so focused on the main event made it easier for Ushijima to surprise you with the rest of the activities he had planned for Valentine’s Day.

It wasn’t the first since you’d been married, but he’d absolutely put even greater efforts into this one, starting with waking you up (after letting you sleep almost into noon) to an oversized box of chocolates and bouquet of roses and a handmade card with a haiku written in his neat script. If that weren’t enough, he’d brought you brunch to enjoy together, cozied up in bed, and topped off morning kisses with the revelation of a tennis bracelet to go with your engagement ring.

“Toshi, it’s perfect…,” you all but blubbered out, ready to burst into tears. He treated you so well.

“Not as perfect as you,” he said with a smile, welcoming you to bury yourself in his chest.

Dinner warranted more of an effort from you, and so you dressed up in your finest attire for the upscale restaurant, armed with the complete awareness that your husband planned to rip every inch of fabric off of you tonight. It didn’t help that while your meal was pleasant, you could see Ushijima grow impatient with time, adjusting and readjusting the sleeves of his blazer as night approached.

When you finally returned to the front door of your home, you were stuffed but not to bursting, and that very little bit of space left in your belly seemed to fill with new butterflies, especially with Ushijima’s hand resting at the small of your back as he opened the door. 

Why were you so nervous? You’d had sex before, many times over, but something about today felt… different? Maybe it was the looming idea of purpose, and Ushijima knew purpose very well. 

When the door clicked shut, he wasn’t on you immediately as you expected, but he was still ready, as were you. He leaned down to plant yet another kiss on your lips that seemed to whisk the nervousness away - again he was your Toshi, and you were his, and you were going to create life.

“Baby?” He asked, tentatively. 

“Baby,” you agreed, wrapping your arms around his neck to start another kiss anew. He carried you effortlessly, keeping his lips pressed to yours as he pulled off your high heels and tossed them haphazardly, leading you back into the bedroom where a smattering of rose petals along the shag carpet and in the center of the bed greeted you, along with a lightly diffused essential oil blend with heavy notes of ylang-ylang and cedarwood.

Laying you carefully on your back, his eyes shifted from soft to focused, practically to match the level of intensity you saw when he was on the court, and your pulse started to pick up again. While he didn’t exactly tear the clothes off of you as you had anticipated, your dress was pulled over your body quite hastily to reveal all of you. Inches of skin to mark, a beautiful body to fill. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured again, leaning into your neck for soft bites and kisses. He was still mostly fully clothed, and you could feel his swollen length press against your pubis, thick and heavy.

He let out a sigh, and climbed off the bed to undress.

“Don’t move,” he ordered as he pulled off tie, shirt, pants, in that order, and you couldn’t tell if you were more distracted by the sculpted muscles of his shoulders, arms, chest and abs, flexing and relaxing with every minute movement or the swell of his fat cock at attention, anxious to bury itself inside you. 

You gulped. You knew this was a ridiculous thought, but for a moment, you wondered if it was somehow bigger today?

Before you even realized what you were saying, you were already pleading, “Toshi… please be gentle…”

Ushijima smirked at your wide-eyed look, then shifted back to taking in your splayed out body with his eyes, as though mapping out his strategy while he idly fisted his length.

“Of course, love. I would never dream of hurting the mother of my kids.” 

Yet, he was absolutely going to have his way with you.

It didn’t take him long to make a decision on how to attack, anyway, because he quickly resumed position hovering over you, taking a moment to appreciate the sight of anticipating, open lips, slightly knit eyebrows over a curious gaze. His lower half pressed against you closely enough that again, you could feel the entirety of his warm, girthy length pressing against the bottom of your quickly wetting cunt to your abdomen.

The sheer span of his cock reminded you that he was basically designed to do this.

The fact that he started moving first, rubbing his length across your belly as if trying out the course before he dove in also reminded you how much your body craved him always. 

His fingers entered you hastily, and he reveled in the way your cunt already made the lewdest of noises, soft audible squishes with every pump of his fingers as he prepped you.

“So eager… so sloppy, waiting to receive all of my cum, aren’t you?” He teased, withdrawing his fingers to show you some of your slick. “You’re receptive,” he added, pulling his two fingers apart to show you the stringiness of your arousal. 

“I-I want this too, you know,” your face growing hot from the tease, hotter still when he sucked your wetness right off his fingers.

“What do you want?” He said, raising an eyebrow, still moving painfully slowly on top of you, but angling his body so that he was just running the entire base of his cock against your wet slit, killing you with every second he wasn’t immediately filling you up.

“Your babies, Toshi...”

That made him smile, and you earned the slight entry of his cockhead into you, forcing a slight moan out of your throat. The stretch was intense, as always, but the fact that he slowed had you squirming for more, as fast as possible. 

“T-Toshi… please, more,” you moaned as you raised your legs to slide down further on his cock, and he held them, pressing both firmly along his side.

“How much cum can you take in this little body of yours?” he asked, pressing right at your umbilicus with one hand, as he pushed in a mere additional inch.

You let out something between a moan and a scream from the overwhelming sensation of being stretched with so many inches to spare.

“Just fill me!!! Please, just put everything inside me,” you whined. 

“As you wish, darling.”

His arms hoisted your legs above his shoulders and he did you the service of thrusting all remaining inches inside you, forcing tears from your eyes from the too full sensation, kissing your ankles beside his head as he gave you time to breathe and adjust. Once you’d settled from the sound of your whimpers slowing, he reached for the headboard behind you before he started his onslaught.

Thrust after thrust after savage thrust, you could hear his groans deepen as he plowed the grounds for his seed, his hands tightening firmly against the wood of your headboard as it creaked for mercy. 

He felt so good, so perfect, so fitting, stretching you out like this to make room for his kin. 

Your fingers etched desire into his back, as you choked up a demand for more sensation, more him, more closeness..

“More, daddy!”

“Daddy is quite correct,” he mused, his hands moving from the headboard to quiet instead the jostle of your breasts, palming them gently. 

They were so pretty to him, he couldn’t wait to see them swell. 

He leaned down again to swallow your moans in a kiss, then opted to flip you above him instead, before he continued to snap his hips, bouncing you into the air.

“T-Toshi, you’re ah- too fast!” You shrieked, barely able to stand upright, the ride too rocky and intense for you. Palming his abdomen to walk your way up despite your movement, he brought you back down flush against his chest again, holding you tightly. 

“Let me do the work,” he whispered, kissing you, making your head swim to distract from the fact that he really was rearranging your guts. “I’ll do at least this much, since you’ll be carrying our child.”

And to that promise, you came almost instantly, an impulse of shock traveling from your slippery cunt up that you could almost feel in the tips of your fingers that made your body clench, your toes curl and the sound that came out of your throat less dainty and more primal, coming from so far deep inside you, even you were afraid.

As if on cue, his fingers dug into the flesh of your waist, holding you steady as he pounded into you even further, faster, pushing past fluttering walls and soundless cries coming from your lips, until he finally came with a shudder, spurting thick, hot gobs of liquid that you could feel hitting your cervix.

And it kept coming; he held you tighter, so desperately you thought you might break under his touch, burying his face in your chest - you could feel yourself still clenching around him, so greedy, trying to milk him for even more than the generous amount he was giving you.

It would be a miracle if you weren’t pregnant.

When it finally stopped, he left an arm around your back pressing you close to him, letting out a soft, pleased sigh with lowered eyelids. You stayed against him for longer, cockwarming him, your hands languidly coming to rest on both sides of his face.

Your darling Wakatoshi…

He stayed hard inside you, slowly giving you just one more stroke to atone for the small amount of semen that was already threatening to leak out around him, then laid you on your back.

“You’re doing so well already…” he encouraged, scooping up drops of him spilling out of you. “Keep it all in,” he said breathily, a warm palm pressing on your opening. 

“I will, baby,” you nodded, and he gave you another peck on the lips, then moved to one of your mounds to take a pert nipple in his mouth and suck softly. 

His hand lingered on your hot cunt, warm and dripping; he instead focused on stimulating your nipples with the other hand and his lips, forcing another orgasm out of you with time and dedication.

He’d obviously read somewhere orgasms themselves made pregnancy more likely. Always so thorough.

“You... f-feel so good,” you mewled, your back arching with pleasure as he used a thumb to stimulate your clit gently as he kept his semen inside you. 

He smiled, stroking his already re-hardening cock in his hand, preparing for the next round. 

“Anything for my Valentine.” 

With that was implied, the love of his life, and the mother of his kids.

[svnflowervol666]

I was wondering if you could write something where Harry’s wife tells him she doesn’t want him in the delivery room when she gives birth. She figures having maybe Gemma or Anne with her. She comes from a family of women, so she just doesn’t think she needs him. Harry’s left torn between agreeing with her because it’s her choice and absolutely broken up over it, because he wants to witness his first child come into the world. In the end she chooses to have him by her side. 🌻💛🌻

Word Count: 2.5k

Author’s Note: THANK YOU for this dad!Harry request!! It is quite apparent that I can ramble about dad!Harry for ages, so if anyone has anything dad!Harry they’d like to discuss, my inbox is open and I will give it my all! Enjoy! Take care and tpwk.

Harry found her by the pool, her already glowing body veiled by a thin layer of sweat. Her sun-kissed legs were crossed one another, body completely bare sans the skimpy swimsuit that she only wore at home due to her current situation. She was nearly 7 months pregnant with hers and Harry’s first child, having gotten to the point where even the thought of leaving the house exhausted her. Knowing this, it made sense to Harry as to why he found her in such an unusual place when he came home from his workout at the gym. She’d always claimed that the hated the oversized pool that took up room for a potential garden in the backyard of their home, so she was rarely seen dipping her toes in the cool, blue water. Harry supposed her cabin fever had gotten the best of her and she’d had to find new ways to entertain herself whilst they both waited anxiously for their baby to arrive.

He could see her through the large, glass windows that faced the backyard, her cell phone perched in one hand while she rubbed absent-minded circles around her swollen bump with the other. Sounds of her sweet, cherubic laugh trailed in through the cracks of the french doors, immediately warming Harry’s chest and causing him to smile in a way that showed off his cavernous dimples. This pregnancy had brought a lot of emotional turmoil in terms of the way her hormones would render her depressed and misanthropic for weeks at a time in some cases, then bouncy and cheery the next as if nothing had been wrong. Harry supposed today had been one of those good days.

It came as second nature to him to make a double batch of the smoothie he routinely drank after he exercised. He’d found out early on in her pregnancy that she’d always try to sneak sips of the sweet, fruity blend due to her new cravings, so he’d eventually just started making two drinks each time to satisfy them both. As he juggled the two glasses in his large, ringed hands, he slid open the door with the full intention of joining her in her sunbathing escapades to cool down after his intensive workout. Maybe he’d even convince her to stick her feet over the edge while he swam a few laps around her. That was until he’d caught the tail-end of the sentence that she’d muttered to whoever was on the other end of her phone line.

“…I was just thinking maybe you or Anne in the room during the delivery, and then Harry can come in and see the baby right after.”

Harry felt his heart sink into his arse at what he’d overheard, almost in disbelief at what he’d just heard her say. Surely, he’d missed a key part of this conversation and the tidbit he’d just stumbled upon was not her saying that she didn’t want Harry by her side when she gave birth to their first child. They’d never discussed it, but he’d always been under the assumption that he’d be right there next to her, holding her hand as their son or daughter made their appearance into the world. However, Harry couldn’t shake the feeling like that was exactly what she had just said.

“Yeah, totally. And then- Oh! Hi, Harry!” She stopped mid-sentence and perked up upon realizing her husband was home.

Harry smiles cheesily back at her, though there was a hint of disappointment in his expression. She was too entranced in her conversation to notice.

“Brought ye’ a smoothie,” Harry raised the glass towards his face to show off the perspiring glass of blended fruit and protein powder.

She wiggles her toes in excitement, the shiny lilac polish gleaming in the sunlight. Harry had painted them for her last week, her having been too far along in her pregnancy to reach her own toes. He always did little things like this for her so she could feel beautiful no matter how atrocious she was convinced she looked in her state. If it were up to Harry, he’d keep her like this for as long as possible; he had fallen in love with her ten times over since she’d been pregnant. 

“Thank you, lovie. Gemma’s on the line. She says hi. And also that she’s still your mum’s favorite,” she said to Harry as she pulled the phone slightly away from her ear.

Harry couldn’t help but chuckle at his older sister’s immature banter as he sat the smoothie down next to his wife and leaned down to press a kiss to her damp hair.

He spoke clearly into the speaker so that Gemma was certain to hear him, “Just wait until the baby gets here. Then mum won’t give a shit about either of us.”

Harry didn’t hear Gemma’s snarky response, but he did hear her laugh loudly on the other end mixed with his wife’s own sweet giggles. He gave her bump a few pats with his hand that was cold from holding the glass and silently gestured to her that he was headed back inside. What he had overheard on the phone had killed his desire to lounge in the pool with his wife. He needed to be alone, whether it was to come up with a way to convince her otherwise or simply sulk about in his misery. His wife blew him a kiss which he subsequently pretended to catch and stuff in his hoddie pocket before ducking back into the house.

Whilst Harry was washing off in the shower, his mind was racing. Did she really not want him in the delivery room with her? It was his child, for christ’s sake! Of course he wanted to be there, more than anything, to be there when their baby took their first breaths, when they came out covered in goo and kicking and screaming. All Harry had ever wanted was a family to call his own, and now that it was within arm’s reach, he wanted to experience it all. 

Of course, she was going to be the one quite literally pushing a life force out of her body, therefore Harry had no say in the matter. At the end of the day, even if his future efforts to convince her otherwise were unsuccessful, it was her choice and Harry would have to respect that. It just struck him right through his core to think that his own wife didn’t want him there beside her as she gave birth. 

Amidst his racing thoughts, he’d lost track of time. The water had since run lukewarm, but he didn’t realize this until he heard the creak of the steamy shower door open and saw his pregnant wife step inside, still dressed in the skimpy swimsuit that she wore when she didn’t want any tan lines.

“Stealing all of the hot water now, aren’t you?” she teased as she stripped herself of the sopping wet material, then tossed it halfhazardly into the corner of the large, stand-in shower.

Harry mumbled a quiet, “Sorry,” before stepping out of the way of the faucet to let her rinse off.

“‘S alright. I’m still pretty warm from being outside,” she reassured him as she worked shampoo through her dripping locks, “Everything alright?” 

“Ye’, why wouldn’t it be?” Harry answered his wife’s question, though he knew that wasn’t the truth and he couldn’t hold eye contact with her so he opted to watch as the soap suds ran from her scalp and down around her belly.

“Just seem kinda off is all,” she dismissed her quandaries and reached for the conditioner.

“‘M fine,” Harry lied again, “Wha’ were ye’ talkin’ to Gem about?”

“Oh, just baby stuff. She wanted to know if we’d decided on a theme for the nursery yet so she could start buying us gifts and then we just ended up talking for a while.”

Harry nodded silently as he worked a foaming cleanser into his skin, waiting until she was done rinsing her hair to take his turn back under the running water. He could say something, he really could. He knew that he should, because communication was key and he needed to be prepared for the heartbreak he’d experience when she told him that she didn’t want him in the delivery room with her. But he was nervous, scared almost. It was as if he actually didn’t want to know how she felt and would rather just forget the whole thing happened. However, now was not the time to be cowardly. This was his child and if he wasn’t willing to talk openly with his wife about how they’d approach the situation, maybe he wasn’t really ready to be a father after all.

“Did I overhear you tellin’ Gemma you don’t want me in the delivery room with ye’?”

She stopped running the silky soap through the ends of her hair to look at Harry directly.

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you say somethin’ about mum bein’ in the delivery room with ye’ and then me comin’ in right after. Do ye’ not want me in there?”

Harry’s voice sounded trembled as if he didn’t want to hear her answer his question. She finally picked up on his trepidation, and the look on her face was one of confusion.

“Harry I…I didn’t say that,” she was merely at a loss for words.

“Ye’ kinda did. Heard ye’ say it,” Harry snided. 

“I didn’t say I didn’t want you in the room, Harry. My family’s always had only the girls in the delivery room. I just figured I’d do the same. Plus, I didn’t know you even wanted to be there.”

“Of course I want to be there,” Harry stressed, “‘s my baby for cryin’ out loud.”

Right then, she felt an intense flutter in her abdomen that caused her to cup her bump with her arm. This baby sure did love the sound of their father’s voice. Nothing was said between them, only awkward, unbearable silence. The water suddenly felt ice cold, raising chillbumps all up and down her arms and legs. Was Harry mad at her? She didn’t know. There was no malice with her intentions to give birth to their child without Harry in the delivery room, she genuinely hadn’t thought twice about it; it’s how she had been raised to believe how a woman should give birth, with strong women by their side. He was looking at her with glassy eyes like she had utterly broken him and caused irrepairable damage and it made her heart feel heavier than the weight of her baby bump that killed her lower back.

“I didn’t know, Harry,” she whispered, barely audible over the hissing of the faucet.

“Kinda common sense, now, innit? ‘S fine. ‘S your body.”

Harry quickly rid himself of any soap residue and left his wife alone in the ice cold shower before she could say another word. He left her the fluffier, more comfortable towel that he’d chosen for himself, because that’s just who he is.

//

He avoided her for the rest of the evening. He shut himself in his office for the better part of nearly three hours, hoping to turn his feelings into art and potentionally crank out a verse or two. The thoughts buzzing in his head were far too loud to concentrate on any chord or key, so he turned to answering emails, still not coming out of the room to resolve the argument he’d had with his wife in the shower. He wasn’t even sure what to say, or if there was anything to say at all.

She’d done the same, cooping herself up in their bedroom and taking a nap instead of finding Harry and demanding that they squash this immediately. She was so startled over the entire thing, having been bombarded with more information than she could handle. It hurt her to know that she’d hurt Harry, but at the same time she believed she hadn’t done anything wrong. This was clearly miscommunication on the most basic level, though it didn’t make her feel any better having realized that. Uneasiness settled deep into her bones as she drifted off into a light, relaxing slumber.

//

Harry tossed the garlic around in the pan with a wooden spoon blindly, only cooking to fill his stomach and not to enjoy it. It was her favorite meal, so he’d figured she’d enjoy the leftovers, at least. His mind kept drifting off to two months down the road, when his baby would be arriving in the sterile, chilly delivery room whilst he, on the other hand, wouldn’t be there to see it.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt two arms wrap around his middle and a protruding bump poke him in the small of his back.

“‘M sorry,” her voice sounded muffled from where she was talking into his shirt.

Harry reduced the heat on the stove and turned around in her grasp to face her. He took her head in both of his hands, forcing her to look at him when she spoke. 

“‘S okay. It’s your choice. I didn’t mean t’ upset ye’.”

“No, H. It’s not okay,” she couldn’t stop the hormonal tears from pooling in her eyes and running down her cheeks that were still warm from the nap she’d taken, “I should have asked you what you wanted. It’s your baby too. I just wasn’t thinking. I don’t you to be mad at me.”

Harry wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs, hating to see her cry like this.

“I’m not mad at ye’, love. Just caught me off guard. I’m fine now. I’ll wait outside the delivery room if that’s what ye’ want.”

He really hoped that wasn’t what she wanted, but he knew it was the right thing to do. After a long pause of her collecting her breath and nuzzling into Harry’s soothing touch, she found her words once more.

“It’s not what I want. I want you there. Beside me. Holding my hand when our baby gets here.”

This time it was Harry that started to cry, though he didn’t let her see the salty tears fall becaues he burried his head into the crook of her neck and held her in the dimly lit kitchen they stood in. All she could hear were his sniffles and his rapidly beating heart through is chest.

“I love you,” Harry mumbled into her neck, tickling her sensitive skin.

“I love you, too. So fucking much, Harry,” she gave his abdomen a tight embrace before pulling back. 

“But promise me you’ll still want me after you see the baby come out of me. I’ve seen it before and it is not pretty.”

Harry choked on his remaining tears as a laugh roared through his chest. He wiped the wetness from his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“’M only gonna want ye’ more after that. Promise,” Harry then raised his left pinky towards her in sincerity, the wedding band on his ring glimmering in the stovetop light.

[twstarchives]

Vil Schoenheit・Voice Lines

Additional Voice Lines: Scary Dress event card

School Uniform - R

Unlock Card “Every single one of you looks miserable. Where should I start disciplining you all?”

Groovy “Classes are still valuable lessons. Let’s try to enjoy them.”

Home Setting “Stop looking so sluggish. You should move with more of a bounce in your step.”

Home Transitions “I am the only one who can express myself. Even these designated uniforms are just tools I use for that.”

“If you’re going to dress yourself in Night Raven College’s uniform, I expect you to behave appropriately.”

“Isn’t that uniform too big on you? It’s unflattering to your figure if it’s not the right size.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Would you like to run to the store with me? I’d like some fresh fruit, and I could also use someone to carry my bags.”

Home Taps “Oh, no, don’t tell me that’s cat hair on your uniform—oh, wait. It’s Grim’s, is it?”

“You have a question for me? Heheh, I don’t give out my secrets for free.”

“It’s natural to need to work hard so that you make up for what you lack. I have no sympathy for you.”

“You want to know my diet? What are you going to do with it if I told you? You won’t become beautiful just by eating like I do.”

“Enough, stop pulling on me. I don’t remember saying you could mend my clothes for me.”

PE Uniform - R

Unlock Card “I spare no effort if it’s for the sake of beauty.”

Groovy “Are you ready? My regimen is very intense.”

Home Setting “Now, let’s begin our training.”

Home Transitions “You should do everything you can to preserve your beauty. Are you going to come running with me?”

“Hah, I’m worried about getting sunburnt during our outdoors classes... I’ll have to ask Rook to put on my sunscreen for me.”

“Every once in a while, I come across idiots who believe they can win against me if they use their fists. Of course, the tables always turn against them.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “How long are you going to stay here? I’ve already finished my daily workout.”

Home Taps “It’s good to do some stretches right after you’ve taken a bath.”

“Physical strength is an important factor in becoming a great mage. Make sure you work your hardest.”

“Sweating helps you feel refreshed. It isn’t good for your beauty to bottle up stress.”

“It’s important for there to be an agreement between your clothes and your body. You need to be careful not to build muscles for no reason.”

“You should direct any questions you have to Epel instead of me. Flying seems to be that boy’s strong suit.”

Lab Coat - SR

Unlock Card “You want me to teach you about magic potions? Will you even be able to keep up?”

Groovy “I could make any potion you could ever dream of. Hehe, should I tell you my tricks?”

Home Setting “I even pull this lab coat off beautifully.”

Home Transitions “I’m very confident in potions. It's helpful to know so much about herbs when making smoothies as well. It’s up to you to take care of your own body.”

“You want me to help you with your work? I’m impressed with how strong your will to study is. But research on your own first before asking me.”

“Rook is in the science club. In exchange for helping me with the film studies club activities, I lend him a hand from time to time too.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “True beauty is determined by strong intellect. You can always doctor your looks, but your true colors will still shine through right away.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Don’t I smell nice~? This is a perfume I concocted myself. It fits my image, doesn’t it?”

Home Taps “If you want to perfect your skill in pharmaceutics, then you need to have focus more than anything. It’s important to have a strong resolve to bring things to completion.”

“You can’t use magic, right? Then you should at least put all your effort into your studies.”

“I do my own cooking. I prefer to choose the nutrients my body needs.”

“You have wrinkles in your lab coat. Ironing is a must if you want to look polished.”

“Oh, you certainly seem to have a lot of free time. I’m not going to pity you if Crewel scolds you at your next exam.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “The ingredients I pick for my morning smoothies are always based on how I’m feeling health-wise that day. Hm? You want to know my recipes? That would take all day.”

Ceremony Robes - SR

Unlock Card “Being a student of Night Raven College is something you should be very proud of.”

Groovy “Don’t I look just as flawless in these ceremony robes as well?”

Home Setting “Chic clothing fits me well, doesn’t it?”

Home Transitions “Why are you so stiff...? Oh, are you nervous? You haven’t seen anything yet if you’re still getting nervous at school assemblies.”

“You shouldn’t strive to be like me. Try pushing yourself as hard as you can while keeping your experience level in mind.”

“Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. I wouldn’t mind you staring at me so mesmerized for a little longer.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “A mysterious makeup look with a monotone finish goes best with this unique outerwear. If the makeup doesn’t match the outfit, then your clothes are going to outshine you.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “The colors of our ceremony robes blend in nicely with the night. I don’t hate this deep and mysterious style.”

Home Taps “Just when I thought things were getting noisy... it’s you again. You’re always so full of energy. ...Hold on, that wasn’t a compliment.”

“Your figure is important with these ceremony robes. Tying this wide belt around your waist lets one show off an androgynous beauty.”

“You may not have magic, but you can still take care of your appearance, can’t you? It’s not an excuse to look sloppy.”

“At the entrance ceremony, I thought for certain you were going to get thrown out right away... But you seem to be adjusting to this academy.”

“I know you want me to entertain you, but I’m busy right now so can you wait until later?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I like the ceremony robes. They have an eternal beauty that never goes out of style. You should be proud you get to wear them as well.”

Dorm Uniform - SSR

Unlock Card “Strength is what makes one beautiful. Allow me to present my power to you.”

“I presume you’re prepared to put your life on the line for the sake of beauty, yes?”

Groovy “Is it this uniform that’s captivated you? Or perhaps, is it me? Hehe.”

Home Setting “So? Do I look just like a queen?”

Home Transitions “What will you be off doing today? Would you mind helping with our shoot for the film studies club? I’m sure even you are capable of using the equipment.”

“The dorm leader’s work can be a lot to manage, but there is no person more suited for leading Pomefiore than me.”

“My skin has been on point lately. ...What? You want a closer look? It isn’t my fault if my beauty blinds you.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “The Ramshackle Dorm is just awful. It smells musty and there is dust everywhere. You do know the difference between “vintage” and “run-down,” right?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Have you met our vice dorm leader yet? I have full trust in his insight. ...There are times his conduct may be odd, but I’m letting it pass as of now.”

Home Taps “The Pomefiore dorm leader’s crown was designed based on motifs the Queen was said to fancy. Take a look—it’s perfect for me, don’t you think?”

“I swear, I always catch Epel staring at me in complete silence... Hehe. He must have so much going through his head.”

“The freshmen this year are nothing but potatoes. None of them know how to improve themselves and it gets so frustrating to deal with.”

“You think I look good in this uniform? That’s only natural. The dorm leader is meant to flaunt it even more beautifully than the other students.”

“Yes, there is no doubt that my beauty would make anyone unconsciously want to reach out and touch it...”

Home Tap (Groovy) “You think I’m stoic? ...It’s true I hear that a lot. I’m simply focusing all my efforts towards my goals. Wouldn’t this be the obvious outcome?”

Duo Magic Vil: “Leona! I don’t need anyone dragging me down.” Leona: “Ha! Who do you think you’re talking to, Vil?”

Birthday Celebration Outfit - SSR

Unlock Card “Now, how are you going to celebrate for me?”

“It seems my birthday will be especially wild this year. Well, it is nice to go over the top every once in a while. Just behave yourself.”

Groovy “It’s completely unexpected that you would bring me so much joy. ...That is a compliment.”

Home Setting “This outfit stands out. Well, I’m used to having attention on me.”

Home Transitions “Leona gave me a pen, and it was out of ink. Was it too much of a chore to throw it out so he handed it off to me? ...It figures.”

“My father sends me postcards on my birthday. He travels all over the world, so every year I look forward to which country the pattern on it will be from.”

“Epel, Rook, and the rest of the film studies club put together an opera for me. It was clumsy, but not too bad.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’m beautiful as always today? Of course I am. But don’t think that I’m only trying hard because it’s my birthday. My beauty is flawless no matter what day it is.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Sometimes, the energy you and Grim bring can be useful. Please keep it up and breathe some more life into the party.”

Home Taps “My birthday reminds me of the auroras. When Jack lived in my area, he told me the best spot to see them as a birthday gift.”

“I posted a thank-you picture on Magicam for all my fans who sent me birthday wishes. I need to show appreciation for their support.”

“There exists no magic that can stop you from aging. However, it’s up to you how you grow. I’m just constantly pursuing beauty that matches my age.”

“Lilia gave me shoelaces. They’re flat and seem hard to come untied. I think I’ll start using them right away for my jog tomorrow.”

“I heard your wishes to me the first time. If you want my attention that badly, why don’t you let me do your makeup? I’m curious how much it could transform you.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Oh? Are you going to give me anything? Then list 100 things you find beautiful about me. Simple enough, right?”

Duo Magic Vil: “None of your schemes on my birthday, Azul.” Azul: “Of course. I wish you the best, Vil.”

Tutorial “Enough of that daydreaming. Let’s hurry up.”

Lv Up “Not bad. Let’s keep this up.”

“I’ve moved up a level higher, hm?”

“Don’t you think I’m someone worth dedicating yourself to?”

Max Lv Up “The fact that I can shine even brighter than I have before is because of your dedication, isn’t it? Heheh. Watch closely. I’ll show you I can be even more beautiful.”

Episode Lv Up “Hah. You’ve turned out nicely yourself. At this point, I’d even let you stand at my side.”

Magic Lv Up “Beautiful flowers are poisonous. But isn’t that just another one of their charms?”

Limit Break “My progress is far from over. I need to shine even brighter, even more beautifully than I do now.”

Groovy “Oh, I’m so sorry. Am I too dazzling for you now?”

Select Lesson “You’re only wasting time worrying. Please hurry up and pick.”

“You won’t rise to the top of this world if you lack intelligence. Study your hardest.”

“Neither our lectures in class nor the skills we learn firsthand must be taken lightly. Let’s put in all our effort.”

Lesson Start “Can you really afford to not pay attention?”

Lesson End “Well, that’s about it.”

Battle Start “Show me all you’ve got.”

Battle Win “This was the obvious result. You and I aren’t on the same level.”

Other

Profile Quote “Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? Of course it is me, isn’t it?”

January 2020 Trailer “If you want to be beautiful, then you’ve got to do your very best at this academy.”

Countdown Poster “At this moment, who is the fairest of them all? ...Of course, it is me.”

Login Bonus “Neither beauty nor power can be achieved in a single day. It’s crucial that you persevere through everything that comes your way, but that’s the most difficult to do. I wonder how you will fare?”

Player Birthday Wish “It’s your birthday? Oh, dear, I completely forgot. Only joking. Don’t underestimate my memory. Of course I got everything ready. You should feel honored that I’m celebrating for you.”

Magic History

Good ★

“Trends come in and out.”

“You look half-asleep.”

“Competition brings one to the top.”

“What a beautiful dress.”

“This is more self-improvement.”

“The qualities of a king... hm...”

“Please sit up straight.”

“My makeup is still intact this afternoon.”

“Even great figures worked their hardest.”

Great ★★

“Naturally.”

“I enjoy reading.”

“Too easy.”

“Even my handwriting is beautiful.”

Perfect ★★★

“Didn’t lift a finger.”

“Perfect.”

“These are reasonable results.”

“There’s no way I wouldn’t get a perfect score.”

Special Lesson Perfect ★★★

“Oh, do you need something?”

“Please stay focused.”

“Not a problem.”

Flying

Good ★

“This is a nice workout.”

“If my hair’s a mess, my mind’s a mess.”

“Get me a hat, please.”

“Often reapply your sunscreen.”

“Just like a graceful raven.”

“Sound advice.”

“This is my after-meal workout.”

“Sunburns are my worst nightmare.”

“I’ve checked the new arrivals.”

Great ★★

“Staying hydrated.”

“So, what’s next?”

“Flexibility exercises are part of my daily routine.”

Perfect ★★★

“Elegant and graceful.”

“Beautiful? I know.”

“Just keep trying until you can do it.”

Special Lesson Perfect ★★★

“You’d like to see an example, wouldn’t you?”

“I feel someone’s eyes on me...!”

“Did I mesmerize you?”

Alchemy

Good ★

“Be quiet and concentrate.”

“Understand the materials we’re using.”

“Measure carefully.”

“Did you read the textbook?”

“A practical recipe.”

“Crewel has excellent taste.”

“This is making me smell like chemicals.”

“Eternal beauty...”

“Carefully...”

“This stench is making me lose my appetite.”

“Don’t lose focus.”

“There is no way I made any mistakes.”

“Done in the wink of an eye.”

“Looking sharp in these white clothes is a must.”

“That’s wrong.”

Great ★★

“It’s easy if you just follow the recipe.”

“I’m worth more than jewels.”

“Well done.”

“One cannot live without desire...”

“Unrusted gold... Just like me.”

Perfect ★★★

“What a snore-fest.”

“Brewing is one of my specialties.”

“There’s not a chance in a million I’d ever fail.”

“Gold used for more than just a crown...”

“The fact that I can do this much shouldn’t be a surprise to you.”

Special Lesson Perfect ★★★

“I can’t make any mistakes.”

“Stop talking to me right now.”

“You’re not done until you’ve reviewed everything.”

“Don’t rush anything.”

“This is what it means to work little by little everyday.”

[chipsfics]

Part 1 - Introduction/Invitation

Part one of my currently-unnamed Inanimate Insanity fanfiction :)! Feat. Tissues and Yinyang. Some shipping but not a whole lot ;)

Rated: PG (A few heavy themes)

Hope you enjoy and much more to come !! :D

~~~~

Unlike Tissues, Yinyang knew he was going to be eliminated. Yin did, at least. He figured after a certain amount of time, the viewers just saw him as... Annoying. He had used up his entertainment value- Inanimate Insanity had packaged and squeezed dry his "quirks" of any and all comedy until they were just problems again. He was sure his other half knew elimination was at least a possibility- He was probably too preoccupied with his own thoughts, which sometimes blended together with Yin's. A lot of... "Everyone here hates me," and "I hate everyone here." Seemed like the situation was stressing them both out.

Weeks later, After they were all freed from the closet, Yinyang watched the episode where he was eliminated. Yinyang cried, not because he lost, but something kind of got tangled in his brain watching the way he acted. He was grinding his teeth watching the playback, Yang holding back tears and Yin letting them flow freely. If only, if only, if only. Needless to say, he didn't really remember a lot about what happened cooped up in that tiny closet. He mostly hid in the corner and tried not to grind his teeth down to his gums. Tissues, on the other hand, barely knew what was going on. One place to another, off a plane, rushing from iceberg to dodgeball court, grass field to bleachers- Next thing he knew he sneezed himself through a portal and ended up cooped up in a closet. Once the dizzy feeling cleared and he ended up face down, alone, in an empty closet with a locked door- One thing was abundantly clear: He lost. As usual. When another contestant stepped through the portal, the relief he felt was overwhelming- and as the closet filled up with eliminated contestants, the sense of relief he felt was replaced by self loathing and shame- Everyone else pretty much all hated him. As usual.

When they finally got a breath of fresh air, space to move around, personal rooms and even a breakfast juice bar- After everyone who came in contact with him was thoroughly sprayed down by Soap, nobody hated him anymore. They just didn't talk to him. Although, when he walked in the hallway, Soap would follow a safe distance behind him and clean where he last stepped with disinfectant. That didn't really help his self-esteem.

One quiet afternoon, everyone was still trying to settle into their new (but much nicer) living situations, Tissues got paired with the roommate who hated him the most. One Trophy horseplay, who was the one who stomped his face in more than a couple times while stuck in the closet. Of course, due to the technological advancements of melife, Mephone brought him back immediately after he got the death notification- bzz-ding, Tissues died again, to Trophy's frustration. Living with Trophy, he tried to keep all of his stuff in one corner- And he was kind of being shoved over by Trophy's ever-growing collection of sports equipment. Apparently he had nowhere to put it except for cluttering up their shared bedroom. He didn't have much things anyway- and he spent most of his time in the front game room. Tissues, Yinyang, and a few wanderers in and out every day in that same room, that same dinky game system, the same 4 outdated platforming games. He didn't remember the names of those old things, and he wasn't great at them anyway- It'd surprise you, but he didn't have the best hand-eye-coordination. 

Yinyang was also bad at them. He'd argue and curse and throw the controller and tug at the wires, Tissues would follow slowly behind him in co-op play. It was fun to play with someone who had the same skill level as he did, and it seemed like Yinyang had mellowed out a little from his appearance on the show- Having a bit more freedom and alone time seemed to make Yang calm down and Yin become cheerier and more friendly. If Tissues could say one Inanimate Insanity contestant was his friend- It was Yinyang. They had something big and terrifying in common- They were both freaks. The unlovable tend to find a way to love each other.

~~~~

Yaaaawn. Tissues stretched and looked at the clock- 11:30, about 3 hours earlier than when he usually woke up. He wiped the drool off his face, got up and feverishly brushed his teeth. He realized the breakfast bar was still open for another 30 minutes- More like 25 now that he'd dragged himself out of bed. OJ wasn't the world's most attentive hotel owner, but the breakfast bar seemed like something he was passionate about. There were rumors that he refilled the cereal dispensers by himself and doesn't let anyone else do it. Soap always threw a fit when someone else did the chores for her, although she seemed to have a quiet respect for OJ's breakfast bar. Tissues took the elevator down- He didn't trust himself to go down the stairs because of his vertigo. Lo and behold, someone else bumped into his hand reaching for the down arrow. It was Yinyang! 

"O-oh, go ahead, you first," Tissues said bashfully. 

"No, you first!" Yin chirped. "I assume we're both going down?" 

"Yeah, I'm gonna try and catch the last wave of breakfast, guyse. I'm not usually up this... SNIFF. Early," Tissues said, and jammed his finger into the down button, which started to glow a faint yellow.

"Wait, is the free breakfast thing still open?" Yinyang said, "The one where you can make waffles with the little do-it-yourself waffle iron?" 

"Is that what that is? I thought it was just a weird smoothie dispenser. I thought the stuff that came out of it tasted like waffle batter," He sniffed.

Yinyang laughed. Tissues would have been peeved, but it didn't seem like Yinyang was laughing AT him. That, or just the fact that his laugh was crisp and clear as a ringing bell. Tissues didn't think he heard him genuinely laugh a whole ton of times. It was nice. 

As they waited for the elevator to come up, Tissues noticed one of Yinyang's eyes blinking and drooping. Yang's side seemed to be sleepier than Yin's- His body lagging to one side until he had to jerk back into a standing position. Was it possible for one half to fall asleep and the other half to stay awake? DING. Tissues' train of thoughts was interrupted by the elevator door sliding open. They stepped in, and for the entire ride down Tissues fought as hard as he could not to sneeze- In a closed place like an elevator, that could be very annoying. More annoying than usual. The elevator ride was mostly silent and awkward- It seemed that Yang almost tried to fight on what button to press, but he was too tired and hungry to cause any trouble this early. It was a Saturday after all, the slowest days in the hotel, and once they made it downstairs to the breakfast bar, there didn't seem to be many contestants looking for something to eat so late. Tissues grabbed a paper plate and put a blueberry muffin on it, and got a small paper cup of orange juice. He noticed Yin and Yang were having some sort of quiet argument about what to get for a drink. Tissues couldn't help but overhear-

"Coffee." Yang spoke in a harsh whisper. "Not today, Water." Yin replied. "Coffee." "Juice, then." "Ok, Fine." "Apple juice." "I want orange." "Not today. Apple Juice feels more..." "Pure?" "Yeah." "Bull." "Let's just get our food, I'm too tired to argue." "..." "..." "Me too." 

Tissues seemed distracted, until Yinyang moved down the line and bumped him further down. He looked away, face flushed, and moved to the couch, flicking on the TV- He felt like he had just intruded on Yinyang's privacy, but Yinyang didn't seem to care. He'd grabbed apple juice and a pastry of some kind, filled with cream cheese. Yinyang and Tissues ate together, Tissues sitting on the carpet and Yinyang on the couch close by, both staring at the gameshow program that was playing on TV- something that aired often, it was starting to get old. That and the fact that the episodes are hard to tell apart. Same host every time, same backdrop, same formula. Because of this, Tissues' mind couldn't help but wander, and so did his eyes. Yinyang was focused intently on the tv, one hand, Yin's, tapping the sides of the paper cup and the other, Yang's, lifting the pastry to his mouth and taking a bite. They seemed to have figured out a good way to eat without arguing. 

"So," Tissues said, breaking the silence.

"Yes?" Yin said politely. 

"Can i sit next to you guyse?" Tissues asked. Yinyang looked a bit puzzled.

"Sure. Why not?" Yinyang said, "Just try not to get any of your germs on me." Yang grumbled. Yin pinched his arm. "Don't be rude," Yang growled, but once Tissues got up and hopped up onto the couch cushion next to him, Yang seemed to have forgotten about it. Tissues was so short he had to put in a lot of effort to get onto the couch- It was almost comical. Because of that, he preferred to sit on the ground. People seemed to prefer him down there anyway. It was kind of nice, up there, though, and honestly the only thing he felt different was... More comfortable, and taller. It was nice. He hadn't even noticed the TV program changing from the game show to an ad break- some kind of infomercial on chairs. 

"Sooo.... Do you want to go and check out the pool today? I've heard that there's like, complimentary towels. I haven't actually been there yet," Tissues said.

"Are you... asking us to hang out with you?" Yinyang said curiously. 

"Well sure," Tissues smiled. "We're friends, right?"

"Umm..." Yinyang's face flushed a bright red. "Of course!" Yin chimed. 

"Whatever." Yang added, clenching his jaw and slightly baring his sharp teeth.

"I just didn't wanna show up alone. Can you swim?" He asked. Yinyang looked away.

"Not really," He said, embarrassed. "It takes a lot of coordination, and Yin hates listening." Yang said aggresively. Yin glared at his other half. 

"Ohhh thats cool. I can't either," Tissues replied. "I was just planning on sitting by the side. Maybe putting my feet in- Its just nice to have like... uhh. SNIFF. Change of scenery... I like the chlorine smell." 

"Well that sounds nice!" Yinyang said. "But we need to go back to our room first, Right?" Yang sounded like he was directing the question less towards Tissues and more towards Yin. 

"Oh. Well that's ok. I'm here all day," Tissues said, pulling his mouth into a goofy half-smile. Yinyang finished off his apple juice and got up, silently turned and smiled towards Tissues, and walked away. Tissues wondered what he was thinking about. 

~~~~

[lucas-koh]

Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC XII

Parts 1-11 linked in bio!

Somewhat canon compliant.

Rating: M, mentions of medical misdemeanour, implied sex, language

Song: Do I Wanna Know (Live At The BBC) - Hozier

Word Count: 3367

Taglist: @lahellacute @lahamseiroshoe @anotherbeingsworld @fuseboxmusebox @choicesficwriterscreations @bubblelaureno @bratzlahela @eleanorbloom @bryceslahela @thegreentwin @kelseaaa || please let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from this list

Chapter Twelve: An Inconvenient Truth

So. Denial hadn’t been working. At this point Suki had to admit to herself her crush on Bryce. She had no clue what to do. She should end it, right? It wouldn’t be fair on him. He hadn’t signed up for this and they’d made it pretty clear they didn’t want this to happen.

Suki hadn’t had feelings for anyone in such a long time that it had never seemed possible to her. She’d never dreamed she’d end up feeling some type of way for Bryce Lahela. The moment she felt that déjà vu she should’ve run for the hills. Maybe in hindsight the whole thing was a mistake, but it was too late now.

She was laying there in his bed, on his chest, wearing his pyjamas. She definitely wasn’t doing herself any favours right at that moment.

She wanted to stay there forever, enveloped in his smell and his warm skin and the light breeze of his breaths on her forehead; the soft cotton of his pyjamas, the dizzying sensation of his arm on her waist.

But god, Bryce really hadn’t bargained for this. She had to get out of there before she drove herself crazy or overstayed her welcome. Or worse, drove him away. Because although it might not have been what was best for her after the revelation, all Suki wanted was to keep Bryce in her life.

“Thank you so much. Again. But I oughta get out of your hair.” She started to lift herself off him, dreaming up reluctance as his arm fell away from her.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want. You said you had today off too, right? You must be feeling pretty rough,” he chuckled.

“Thank you for offering but really. I should go home.” Should more than you know. Should for my own sanity. Should because it’s the right thing to do when it was me who fucked up.

Bryce left her to it as she changed out of his pyjamas – slowly, she was hungover as hell – and back into the clothes that were strewn across Bryce’s kitchen.

“I’ll wash your underwear for you,” he offered, as they had been caught in the crossfire of her vomit. She could tell it was a serious offer despite the smug smirk painted on his face.

Stop it! Stop it stop it stop it! “No, you won’t. I have a washing machine at home.”

She collected them from him in a plastic bag, how embarrassing.

Imagine making such a state of yourself? I’m twenty-fucking-eight years old and I drank too much because I was afraid to admit I might have some stupid schoolgirl crush on my fuck buddy? Have you ever seen anything more tragic? And now he’s fucking handing me my sick-soaked underwear in a plastic fucking bag. Like a fucking child. A child who threw up at school and had to go home early and get picked up by their mom. And now I can’t stop fucking cursing myself for putting myself in this position. If there was ever any moment at all that he maybe saw me as more than a fuck, that moment was lost now.

So Suki left, her head spinning and not just because of an asshole of a hangover.

Maybe it was just a temporary baseless infatuation. Maybe Suki shouldn’t have been jumping to such drastic measures…

So that - Suki’s denial and clinging on to the hope that she could find a way to continue this – was how Suki and Bryce ended up continuing to sleep together throughout the month of February. But the longer it went on, the more sure Suki was that this addicting feeling when she thought of him was sticking around. And it wasn’t fair on him.

She kept thinking about it, considering her options, making the excuse that she didn’t want to jump into the wrong decision. So yeah, she kept sleeping with him. And no, there was no way in hell Suki was admitting to Bryce that she was into him.

She’d been afraid to contact him after everything that had happened, the amount of embarrassment she’d caused for herself, but he was the one to reach out first. It surprised Suki that he even wanted anything to do with her after all that.

“How’s your hand?” He’d asked the first time since the incident, picking up her wrist and investigating the healing.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt much any more.” The wound was scarring to scab and itch.

“It’s looking good.”

“I guess I have your skills to thank.”

“How many times have I told you?” He grinned, “I’m a talented guy.”

They’d become comfortable with one another, really comfortable, and the friend part of friend with benefits could no longer be ignored.

Suki’s problem? Bryce was impossible to get a read on. She had absolutely no idea to tell if her newfound feelings were reciprocated, because he was a huge flirt to everyone. And Suki wasn’t one to take risks. So she didn’t say anything, assumed Bryce felt the same as he ever had for her.

She was right, of course, but not in the way she expected.

A few nights into the month Bryce texted:

Scalpel Jockey: *sigh* i should call her😉

Bryce’s text was accompanied by a selfie taken in front of his toilet, wide grin and thumb up. So embarrassing. He’d been right about the blackmail thing, then. He wasn’t going to let the mess I was go.

Santa Fe: you’re not even using the meme right

Scalpel Jockey: well my toilet misses your mouth so be sure to come visit it tomorrow

Santa Fe: you think you’re going to get laid after reminding me of the most embarrassing night of my life?

Over-exaggeration. But it honestly sort of felt that way.

Scalpel Jockey: of course I will😏

Santa Fe: nope

Scalpel Jockey:👀😌🤨

The next day,

Santa Fe: fine. see u soon.

—-

“Owwww somethings digging into my back!” Bryce yelped as he’d rolled away from Suki. He did some odd contortions to reach underneath himself and grab whatever was causing the grievance. “Suki, why the hell is your id badge in my bed?”

“Uh, maybe because you chucked it into the abyss a minute ago.”

He gave her a look with pursed lips. He rolled to his side facing away from Suki.

“Aww, you look so cute in this. All innocent and shit.”

“Give it back.”

“I mean it! Look at that little face,” he cooed, brushing the image with his thumb.

“It’s really not my best picture at all,” she groaned. What was it about ID card images which made them always turn out terrible? And then one is left with said image for potentially years to come.

“Suki, this says your birthday is January 18th? You didn’t say anything?” He turned to face her.

“January was so busy, I wasn’t that fussed.”

“You should’ve said. I would’ve celebrated with you.”

“Birthday sex?” She laughed.

“No, like proper birthday stuff. Whatever you like doing on them. And then maybe some birthday sex,” he added with a smirk.

“Eh. It was fine, I just got takeout.”

Bryce tutted.

“When’s your birthday, then?”

Suddenly he looked bashful and uneasy. “Um. November 27th.”

“Oh my god. You’re an idiot.”

“Nah. I’m a Sagittarius,” he winked.

“I can’t believe you were trying to make me feel guilty for not mentioning my birthday when you didn’t either.”

“We actually spent it together. That day I looked after Tommy. I had a great time.”

“Oh.” He had to stop saying things like that. It was terrible for her heart. “I can’t believe you let me set a random kid on you for your birthday.”

“I said I had a great time didn’t I?”

And god Suki’s stomach was having a party, an anxiety-ridden, nerves-on-fire, doubt-clad, smitten-as-shit party.

—-

In no time at all It was Valentine’s Day. Not that Suki was paying any attention… or that she wanted to spend it with a certain god-like surgeon. She didn’t even need to mention it, the plan was just act like this was any other hookup. February 14th was just a day – the way we ascribe time only exists because of us; and therefore it’s just a normal hookup. Using existentialism to cure crush nerves? Surprisingly works.

Santa Fe: 👃

Scalpel Jockey: sorry sukes i’m sick🤒

Well. That was not what she was expecting.

But wait. What if he was faking? What if he knew it was Valentine’s Day and was worried Suki was trying to make a gesture and had to let her down easy?

Worse, what if he was spending Valentine’s with someone else? After all, they had agreed not to be exclusive. Shit. What if Bryce liked someone else?? She didn’t even think about it before and now she felt a bit sick. He was an insanely attractive guy – chances were even without time to meet people there would be plenty at the hospital falling at his feet. There was no way he hadn’t been asked out for Valentine’s.

Those worries were quelled by another text, a picture of Bryce’s legs in his bed and the TV at the end playing something. There was a small bag full of used tissues.

Bless him, he really is sick.

Suki knew what she had to do.

Clanging about in the kitchen she muscled up some veg-packed soup, a vegetable lasagne, and a vegetable stir-fry. She also blended a fruit smoothie. Then she packed everything into Tupperware and fit a couple of portions of each into an insulated container.

Suki marched over to Bryce’s with the insulated container full of her cooked meals and determination. God, I’m a simp.

When she arrived she knocked hard so that he could hear. It was a couple of minutes before Suki heard footsteps, then they stopped (presumably for Bryce to look through the fish-eye) before Bryce creaked the door open.

“Suki. Didn’t you get my text, I’m sick I can’t-“ his voice was weak and croaky, slightly nasal – and he definitely sounded ill.

“I know. I’m not here for that. I bought you these,” she held up the insulated bag.

“What is it?”

“Food. Meals. Because you’re sick and you can’t cook. It’s just simple immune-boosting stuff,” she held out the bag for him to take.

He sniffed loudly and opened the door wider. “Come in.”

She was going to protest, but for some reason she didn’t. The plan was just to drop the food off, not to come in. But when faced with the opportunity Suki’s legs carried her subconsciously. When Bryce opened the door up for her she could see him closer. Dark bags under his eyes, greasy hair, chapped lips. He was wearing sweatpants (similar to the pair Suki had tucked away in her drawer at home from Christmas), and a cotton t shirt. He looked rough. Somehow, he was still the most beautiful man she’d ever met. And seeing him like this wasn’t off-putting at all, it just made her want to look after him. Be there for him. Why am I willing to do so much for him? Liking people is a bit like giving away your soul, isn’t it?

“You get back into bed and I’ll heat one of these up for you. They should still be mostly warm, anyway.”

“Sukes, I’ll be fine,” he said nasally. The nickname sent Suki’s organs into overdrive. Because here he was at his lowest, referring to Suki with an affectionate moniker and sounding like a melancholic song.

“I kind of owe you, remember?”

Bryce hummed a nod, too tired for much else, and slunk back into his bedroom.

Suki busied herself checking all the Tupperware’s – they were cool enough to go in the freezer by then so she put all bar one away. She heated that one for a few moments and transferred it into a bowl with cutlery, planted that on a tray, and brought it through to Bryce.

He was in bed as Suki had instructed, old reruns of Criminal Minds playing on his TV. He smiled weakly when he saw her enter with the tray of soup.

“Thank you,” he said as she placed the tray on his lap.

“No problem.”

He took a spoon of soup and gulped it down gently. Then he turned to Suki, who was now perched lightly on the edge of his bed facing him.

“I’m not good with… seeming weak,” he said, looking at Suki intensely.

“You don’t need to worry about that. It’s only me. I vomited in your toilet.”

“Exactly,” he muttered, and when Suki was about ask what he meant he carried on, “this soup is amazing.”

They sat in silence with only the sounds of the TV as Bryce worked his way through the bowl of soup. Suki was too nervous to ask what he’d meant.

“Thank you,” he said as he finished the bowl. She took the tray from him and took it back through to the kitchen, washing everything up for him. She returned to Bryce’s room, noting beads of sweat on his forehead. Going into Bryce’s en-suite, Suki found a washcloth and soaked it with some cold water before giving it a squeeze.

When she returned to Bryce’s side she gently dabbed the washcloth over his hot forehead. He looked up at her, vulnerable, exhausted – very un-Bryce. She was ever so gentle as she dabbed the cool cloth over his skin. Then Bryce reached up and held onto her wrist weakly with his hand.

“Why are you doing all this?”

“Like I said, I owe you. I was hard work that night at yours.”

He seemed to accept this answer, and gulped a little as he let go of her wrist. She pulled the cloth from his forehead for a moment.

“I’m still nervous,” he croaked.

“About?”

“You seeing me like this. It’s not exactly sexy.”

Suki’s nosiness was getting the better of her, and she knew now would be a good time to strike since there’d been an opening.

“The whole��� weakness thing – that’s why you were weird about the surgery?”

“Yeah. Yeah it is,” he sighed, looking at Suki as though weighing up his options. He seemed to come to a decision and continued: “I already went through struggles with self doubt. My parents fucked up my whole belief in myself - it’s why I overcompensate now. It’s why I took the surgery thing so hard, I felt myself doubting my abilities. Well it was more like – less that I was actually doubting myself, because I know I’m good, and more that I was worried I would start doubting myself.”

“Yeah, that totally makes sense.” Suki was surprised he was opening up to her like this. She noticed how he mentioned his parents, but she’d let him get there when he was was ready.

“I’m sorry for not telling you at the time.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t owed the story. So what really happened? You got kicked off because of karaoke?”

“Uh, the other surgical interns kind of have it out for me.”

“What?”

“Well… everyone liked me at first. You know, I’m a likeable guy,” he flashed a grin, a ghost of his normal megawatt smile, “but I think once they saw how competent and determined I was that changed fast.”

“Jealousy,” she scoffed, “So that’s why you don’t hang out with them any more?” Suki remembered how he’d avoided them at Halloween.

“Yeah. And there was a group of them spreading shit from the start about me, dangerous rumours that could get me fired. Saying I drink on the job, I have *ahem* sexual relationships with my patients, that I’m a terrible surgeon and only made it here because of my parents money which is...”

“Your parents are well off?”

Bryce’s jaw tightened. “Yeah, uh, people found out about who my parents are too.”

“Who are they?”

“Another time,” he bit his lip as though unsure, concern as he looked into Suki’s face.

“Okay- drinking at work, sex with patients? Where the hell did those come from?”

“Well I keep a few condoms in my locker, for you, that can’t have looked great after the accusations. I don’t know shit about the drinking. I guess it just sounded bad and anyone who has had out it for me just wants me to look incompetent.”

“Those fucking dicks.”

Bryce shrugged. “It shows I’m a major threat,” he gave her a smug grin but his heart wasn’t quite in it. “So all that stuff got relayed back to Dr Emery and the karaoke the night before was apparently the last straw. She didn’t want to take the risk in case it was true and gave my surgery to Ben.”

“Ben, huh?” She asked, a sudden iciness in her tone. Like, Ben ‘you like her?’ Ben? Digging into Bryce’s private life Ben?

“Yeah, he’s another intern - you probably don’t know him.”

Maybe not. But I’m about to.

“I know some Ben’s… what’s his last name?”

“White.”

“Oh no, I don’t know him,” Suki smiled sweetly, dabbing Bryce’s head with the flannel again. She’d gotten the information she needed.

Bryce chuckled weakly. “I told you.”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah so, obviously Dr Emery investigated it all after that and realised that none of it was true. But by then I’d lost it anyway. The damage was done, you know? Sorry, I know I sound a bit ‘woe is me’.”

“Not at all. You can talk to me, seriously. Friends – remember? I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” And angrier than I’m letting on.

“I suppose I owe you an apology too. For shutting you down and running away when you tried to ask me about it. I’m just- it’s- I like being That Guy, you know? The one who’s got his shit together. The one who’s the expert surgeon. Who doesn’t let things phase him. Laughs everything off. The one who’s amazing in bed,” he looked at her with a look that was, if Suki didn’t know any better, nervous. God, it’s so weird seeing him like this. But my heart is completely breaking for him.

“If I’m-“ he continued, then seemed to change his mind, “what you need from me wasn’t that, so I didn’t want to mess things up.”

“By being human? You could never,” she smiled as she bought the flannel back to his face, but it was more an excuse to stroke her finger over his cheek comfortingly. Bryce’s eyes seemed to shut involuntarily and he moved into her touch, just letting it be for a while. He was still hot, but had a bit more colour to his face, so Suki felt she had helped at least a little.

Fuck. I like you so much.

This definitely wasn’t helping her whole predicament, because each word he’d said to her, each touch, each look on his face – and she was a puddle on the floor. Overwhelmed with the ache she felt in her chest at the whole situation. That something as ridiculous as jealousy – between people who’s job it was to help others for gods sake – had put Bryce in such a spin. And it seemed to her that losing the surgery was bad for him, but the way that affected his confidence and how he felt he had to be around her – that seemed to have affected him more.

He was too proud.

And she cared for him too much to be okay with seeing him like this.

Suki must’ve been cradling Bryce’s face longer than she’d realised, because he eventually started snoring quietly. His eyebrows now flattened on his face and looking more at peace than he had since she’d arrived. She was careful when removing her hand and placing a pillow up under his head. She placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, brushing against the cool damp area she’d been dabbing. Then she snuck into his bathroom to fill up a glass of water and collect some aspirin, leaving them on his bedside table for him before escaping his apartment.

Suki was on a mission, fuelled by affection and anger.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Six

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

(Smut, straight up smut and fluff...but there is a lot more of this story to tell. )

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

You took a deep breath as you felt his nose brush up against your pelvic bone. Your fingers dug into your sheets when you felt his warm tongue swipe across your center. His right hand was still pressed down on your right hip. His left arm hooked around your left leg. You had wanted this from him for a while. You needed to relax a little. It was Harry, your Harry.

His tongue made slow laps all around you, and dragged up to your clit. His tongue swirled around you, and flicked up and down the now swollen nub. He started to suck on you, and you could feel his teeth nip. You let out a moan deep from the back of your throat. You try to push your hips up further into his mouth, but he holds you down.

“Please, let me do this for you.” He says against you. The vibrations of his deep voice surging through you.

He hooks his right arm around your right leg, and pulls you closer to him. He proceeds to suck on your clit hard, biting down again and sucking. Your chest is heaving up and down, and you can’t help the noises coming from your mouth. Your hands dart down to his curly hair, and pull on his roots to try to give yourself some release. He groans into you, turning you on further. His tongue moves back down to your center, lapping up your wetness. You were dripping for him, and he was drinking up all of it. His tongue goes up inside you, and he makes swirling motions, which make your hips buck up again.

“Jesus, fuck, Harry!”

“(y/n), let me-“

“Please just let me move against you! I need to, please!”

He loosened his grip on you, and stuck is tongue back in you, and sucked and swirled rapidly. As your hands dug further into his hair, you found yourself grinding against his mouth feverishly. You felt good, better than you had in a long time. Your entire body was hot and sweaty, your shower suddenly all for nothing. You were panting, moaning, and screaming his name. He was moaning against you, pressing his lower half into your bed. You loved the sight of his head between your legs. One of his hands left your thigh, and reached down between his own. He moved his mouth back up to your clit, and flicked faster than he had before. You came undone, and you came hard. A breathless scream coming from your mouth, and a tear rolling down your cheek. You feel him continue to suck on you as you ride out your high. You grind slowly against him still, until your legs feel like jello, and they collapse to the mattress. His head rests against your right thigh. His chest heaving up and down, and slowly going back to normal. He crawls up next to you, and place a light kiss to your drenched forehead.

“You did so good, baby.” He whispers. “How do you feel?” Your mouth opens, but only a squeak come out. You clear your now sore throat.

“I feel, wonderful.” You run a hand through his hair.

“You don’t happen to have a stretchy pair of shorts do you? I, um, came.”

“You did?!”

“Yeah, it was such a turn on the way you were just going to town on my face.” He says with hooded eyes.

“Mhm, yeah I think I have some shorts you can wear.” You get off the bed, and nearly topple over. Your legs really do feel like jello. “Jesus.” You say to yourself, but you hear him chuckle. You go into your dresser and grab some large basketball shorts that you had bought by accident. You toss them to him. He gets up and goes into your bathroom. You grab your shorts off the floor, and leave to use the half bath so you can pee and clean yourself up. You wiggle the shorts up your legs, and come back to see him laying on his back, with an arm behind his head, scrolling through his phone. You turn the light all the way off, and get into bed with him.

“I checked your comforter, I managed to not make a mess somehow.”

“It wouldn’t matter, I could always wash the blanket.” You nuzzle into him.

You were feeling needy again. You needed to be held after such and ordeal. You throw a leg over his, and rest your head on his bare chest. You trace his inked skin with your fingers. He rubs your back in similar motions. Your eyelids grow heavy, and you drift off into sleep.

The next morning you wake up with your head berried in your pillow. You feel an arm strung along your back. Harry is cuddled up next to you. Your head feels like it got hit by a bus. Something aches between your legs. Flashes from the night before roam through your mind, and suddenly your head feels a little better. You still couldn’t believe you let Harry do what he did. It felt just as good as you thought it would, better even. You feel a pain in your lower stomach, and you’re confused. It’s not like his dick was in you. It’s not like he rearranged your guts. You check your phone to see if you had any notifications. You notice the date, and your eyes nearly pop out of your head. You reach down between your legs, and bring your fingers back up, you see red.

“No!” You leap out of the bed and run over to your dresser to grab underwear and a new pair of shorts. “No, no, no, no, no.” You repeat, slightly forgetting that Harry is there, as you slam the bathroom door closed.

This wakes Harry up, of course. He reaches for you, and lifts himself up when he doesn’t feel you, only the warmth you left behind.

“Shit, shit, shit!” He hears you from behind the door. He gets up and taps on it. “Um, use the other bathroom please!” You turn the shower on.

“Didn’t you just shower last night?” He said, voice still thick with sleep.

“Um, yeah, I just need to rinse off quick!” He sits on the edge of the bed and waits for you. Once you’re cleaned up, and changed, you pray nothing got on your sheets. You open the door to see him twiddling his thumbs. “Hi.” You say to him, walking over to your bed, checking the sheets. Nothing. “Oh, thank god.”

“What, um, what happened?” He says looking over at you.

“Nothing, I just, oh wow.” You grab at your stomach. “No, please, not today.” You say to yourself. You clutch at your stomach with both hands, and you feel a weakness in your legs. You get on the floor slowly, resting your face against the soft rug, while your butt is up in the air.

“Babe!” Harry gets on the floor next to you. “What is happening?”

“Can you please go into the kitchen, pour me a glass of milk, and grab two ibuprofen? I can’t walk at the moment, love.” The minute the word leaves your lips, you look up at him. He gives you the warmest smile you’ve ever seen.

Harry rushes into the kitchen in search for the pills you requested, and gets you a glass of coconut milk. He comes rushing in, and bends down to hand you what you asked for. You pop the pills into your mouth, and guzzle down the milk.

“Okay, just give me like five minutes, it should kick in shortly.”

“Is this from ya period?” You hated talking about this stuff with boyfriends. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, I have a mum, and an older sister. I know what a period is.” You sigh.

“Yes, it’s from my period. Every couple of months, when I wake up with it, when I can’t get ahead of it, this happens. The cramps are so bad sometimes, it hurts to walk. It feels like someone put a glove with spikes on and started kneading my insides. It used to be worse believe it or not.”

“What could be worse?” He rubs your back to soothe you.

“I used throw up from the pain, then pass out. Birth control helps, but when I wake up with it like this, I just have to suffer through. I thought I had a couple more days.” You hide your face in the rug and mumble.

“Come again?”

“I said”, your turn your head slightly, “how embarrassing would it have been if it started last night? I would have been mortified.”

“It’s a natural thing you have no control over.” He shrugs.

“You’re really telling me you wouldn’t have been grossed out?”

“S’not my favorite taste in the world, and I would have stopped for sure, but it wouldn’t have grossed me out.” He smiles. You nearly gag at the thought of him accidentally eating someone out while on their period.

“Do you need a shower? It’s fine if you do. I set a towel aside for you, and threw your underwear in the sink to soak. It just needs to put in the dryer, over in the hall closet.”

“When did you have time to do that?”

“Late last night, I got up to pee.” He places a kiss down on your head. “I need to stay like this a while longer, so please, go shower.”

Harry takes you up on your offer for a shower. He loves the way your shower gel smells. It’s you in a bottle. He loves how soft your towels are on his skin. He admires how cozy you have made your home. When he’s done, he wraps the towel around his waist, and grabs his underwear out of the sink. He wrings them out, and walk into the bedroom. You’re not on the floor anymore. Harry steps out to where you said the hall closet was, and throws his underwear in the dryer. He checks the lint trap, and turns it on a quick dry cycle. He walks down the hall and finds you making smoothies. You’re walking around as if you weren’t in excruciating pain earlier.

You’re listening to music and dancing around a bit. You turn around and drop the spoon in your hand when you see him. His towel is hanging low on his waist, and his damp curls look seductive as he runs his fingers through them.

“Just threw my trousers in the dryer, thanks again. Feeling better?”

“Mhm, much.” You bend down to pick up the spoon, and turn your music down. “I’m making smoothies, that work for you?”

“Sure does.” He smiles. He walks around your island and stands next to you. You go up on your tip toes to kiss his nose. He wraps his arms around you to hold you close. “You’re cute, you know that?”

You swat and arm at his chest, and giggle. You blend the fruit in the blender, and pour it all into two glasses, handing him one. He takes a big sip.

“Mmm, this is delicious.” He likes his lips. “What didja use?”

“Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries.” You take a sip, “Flavorless protein powder, some almond milk chocolate yogurt, spinach, and some avocado.”

“Brilliant! I never thought of avocado, really makes it thick.”

“A girl at the gym told me about it a few months ago, completely changed my life.” You both hear a ding. “That’s the dryer.”

“You mean, you don’t want me walking around in a towel?” He winks at you, and goes down the hall to put his boxers on. He walks back to you only wearing them, and sits down on the couch to finish his smoothie.

“Um, Harry?”

“Relax, I’ll put my pants on when I’m done with breakfast. Do ya have any coffee, love?”

“Oh yeah! I have a Keurig, I can make you a cup.”

“That would be much appreciated.” He finishes his smoothie. He places the glass in the sink and starts to wash it out. He grabs the blender and starts rinsing it.

“I can do that.” You say, pressing the large coffee cup button on the Keurig.

“I know you can. But I wanted to.” Once he’s finished he goes to your room to retrieve his pants. He comes back still shirtless. You roll your eyes at how flawless he looks. “I’m not much one for clothes, remember?” You laugh.

“It’s fine, I’m gonna go change. Coffee just finished pouring.”

You contemplate on what to wear. You just want to be comfortable, so you put some spandex shorts on, and a pair of sweatpants. You put on a fresh t-shirt, not bothering with a bra. You can see your nipples, but you don’t care. Harry has his feet up on the coffee table, his eyebrows furrowed looking at his phone. You sit next to him.

“What are you doing?”

“Editing a photo.” He says, his tongue sticking out a bit as he pinches and taps on the screen. “There, see, I took a picture outside Tucci’s last night.” He had the nicest iPhone you had ever seen. You still had a small little five, this had to be the new 11xr or whatever the fuck they call it.

“Wow, the lighting is really cool. I like how you captured the haziness here.” You point to a specific spot.

“Did you ever take pictures, or do you just photoshop them?”

“I used to take pictures, I preferred filming though.”

“I love that I can, like, talk about these things with you. We kind of share similar passions.” He beams at you.

“I love it too. So, you mentioned earlier you had a sister?”

“Yeah, her name is Gemma, she’s only a couple years older than me. Her and my mum live just outside of London. They both work in town.”

“Are you close with them?”

“As much as I can be. They love coming to visit here, and are always happy when I go back home for holiday. They still don’t fully understand why I chose to stay here after uni, but I just loved it so much. Do you have any siblings?”

“Yup, three older. Two sisters and a brother, but not in that order.” You giggle. “My parents are separated. They should be divorced, but they stay that way so my mom can stay on my dad’s health insurance.” You roll your eyes. “My brother is married, and him and his wife had a baby last year. My sister is freshly engaged, and my other sister, well, I don’t particularly like talking about her much, so that’s all I’ll say there.” He nods.

“Who are you closest with?”

“My brother for sure. I love his wife too. And their son is so cute.” You take your phone out to show Harry countless pictures of your nephew. He surprises you at his love of babies.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“What?”

“Some of my favorite freelance jobs is doing maternity shoots.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know, I just think it’s amazing to see how much a woman’s body can just change and transform to literally grow another human inside of them. I mean think about you today, for example, you essentially have to put your period on the back burner to go on with your whole day. Now imagine for nine months, your body is in constant discomfort, yet you’re still able to complete all your tasks. Business as usual. Women are machines.” You’ve never heard a man praise a woman like this before. “Plus after the baby is born, your body mostly goes back to the way it was. I like doing newborn photoshoots with the mums. I make them little booklets of their before and afters.”

“You make it sound like so much fun. I’d love to have you photograph me sometime.” You blush slightly. “I could use a new headshot for work. I’d pay you of course.”

“No payment needed.” He puts a hand up. “First one is free.” He wiggles his eyebrows, and you laugh.

Before you’re able to go on with your conversation, there’s a knock at your door, and before you can get up, someone keys in.

“Oh. My. God. (y/n)!” Sarah comes bursting in, and nearly slips on her socks when she sees Harry. “Shit, I didn’t think he’d still be here.” You race over to her. She hugs you and squeals. Then makes an angry face at you. “How dare you keep such a stallion away from me for over a year!”

“Niall is a stallion?”

“You have no idea!” She looks at Harry, who has crossed his arms over his chest to cover himself up a bit. “Sorry, I’m interrupting, I just couldn’t wait to give you details.”

“It’s alright…but I may need to think about who I give my spare key to.” You stick your tongue out at her. She sits down in the chair adjacent to the couch.

“Your name is Harry, right?”

“Mhm, nice to see you again.” He smiles. You sit next to Harry, and he puts an arm around you.

“Ugh, you two are sucha cute couple.” She swoons. “Is it okay to spill with him here?” You look up at Harry.

“Sarah, I would love nothing more than to hear the details of your evening with my little blonde friend. Please, spill away.” He’s not being sarcastic, he’s being genuine.

“Okay, cool. So, you guys left, and not too long after, he asked if I wanted to go with him back to his place. Which was perfect because Rachel brought that girl back to our place. You should have seen her this morning. Girl could barely walk, Rach must’ve taken the strap out.” You cough loudly. “Sorry, TMI.” She shrugs. “Anyways, he opens the car door for me, so sweet. And he lets me pick the music. His apartment was so cute too. It was a two bedroom! We started off on his couch, just chatting, getting to know each other a bit. He put his hand on my knee, and oh my god it just escalated from there.”

“Define escalated.” Harry raises an eyebrow at her.

“Well, he slid his hand up my thigh, and I ran a hand through his hair, and we started kissing again. Much better without a ton of people around. Then he scooped me up, and carried me to his bedroom. From there our clothes flew off, and that was when he did something a man has not done for me in a longgg time.”

“What’s that?” You ask.

“He went down on me for like, ten whole minutes.” You practically choke on the air, and Harry pats your back.

“Go on.” He says to her.

“I must have came like two times from that alone, and then he started working his fingers. Jesus, (y/n), he is a giver.” Harry smirks, almost proud of his friend. “He didn’t even make me suck his dick or anything.”

“You don’t like it?” Harry asks her.

“S’not that I don’t, it’s just not my favorite, especially after drinking. The gag reflex is real. Anyways, from there he pulled me on top of him, and let me take control. After we finished, he gave me some pj’s and cuddled me all night.” She sighs with happiness. “We exchanged numbers this morning. I think he really likes me!”

“So, you wanna see him again?” You ask to confirm.

“Definitely. Harry, he’s your friend, what can I expect? Is he a hit it and quit it kinda guy?”

“Not at all, he’s one of the good ones. He’ll definitely contact you.”

“You know what’s funny?” They both look at you. “Niall said you were a giver.” You say to Harry. “So, one can only wonder, who gave whom advice on all that stuff?”

“Please, taught the lad everything he knows.” Harry says matter of factly.

“How does one teach another man how to properly go down on a woman?” Sarah asks, intrigued.

“Simple. Use fruit.” He shrugs. Both mine and Sarah’s jaws drop. “What?”

“How does that even come up?” You ask.

“Well,” He rubs the back of his neck. “It was in uni, our senior year, I think. One night he heard…some noises coming from my room. I was a bit of a prick back then, so I sorta was seeing a few different girls.” He doesn’t look at you. You place a hand on his leg to let him know his past is okay. “The next day he asked me how, um, the noises occurred. So I told him what I did. He said he always had trouble in that department. I think people don’t enjoy doing it because they’re too embarrassed to try. I wasn’t quite sure how to show him, so we thought of fruit. We bought watermelon, and I showed him what to do. That is, after we got piss drunk to avoid any humiliation.”

“Watermelon huh? I would have thought peaches or strawberries.” Sarah says.

“Nah, watermelon.”

“Why?”

“Um…I’m not quite sure how to put this.”

“I barely know you, and I’ve told you about my orgasms, this is a safe space.” She laughs.

“I’m pretty curious myself.” You say.

“Isn’t your friend into girls? Why not ask her?”

“Because we’re having this conversation now.” Sarah says.

“It’s okay, Harry, really.” You say. “I wish I had some here, you could just show us.” You and Sarah start laughing.

“Okay, okay, ya little school girls. I’ll tell ya. Basically, watermelon works the best when it’s cut into those slices with the rhine still on it. Ya hold it by the rhine, and, well, watermelon is water right? So it’s extremely messy and juicy. You gotta get it all in your mouth. Plus, it’s soft enough to really stick your tongue into.”

“Holy shit!” Sarah stands up, and bends over laughing. You start laughing at the sound of her laugh, and Harry joins in too. “Fuck, you are funny.” She checks her phone. “Well, I better go, I’m supposed to get a facial soon. I’ll see ya later sweetie, by Harry.” She smiles.

“Bye!” You yell back, and wait for the door to close to look at Harry who is red with embarrassment.

“I cannot believe the conversation we just had with her.” He looks at you, astonished. “She won’t mention it to him, will she?”

“I know she seems like the big mouth type, but I promise, she will keep this to herself. Especially if she wants him to do it to her again. She wouldn’t want to throw off his groove.” Your leg starts bouncing.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know, it would be kinda hot to watch you eat a piece of watermelon.” You look at him menacingly.

“You’re never gonna let this go, are you?”

“If you’re gonna throw that daddy story in my face, then this will be my defense.”

“Daddy!” He starts laughing. “I almost forgot about that, thanks for the reminder, love.”

“Oh no.” You groan.

“Oh yes, come here, come to daddy.” He starts tickling you.

“No!” You yell as you laugh.

“Do as daddy says.” He says through his own laughs, still tickling you.

“Never!”

[jamielea81]

Just a Simple Lie

Chapter 9

Description: Having worked on small independent films for the better part of a decade, your friend tells you about an opening for a script supervisor with a large studio. Wanting to advance your career, you apply and get an interview. The only downside, they prefer to hire crew who are married. It’s just a simple lie, right?

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, pining, fluff

A/N: This is NOT the final chapter. There is one more after this one. Per the usual: this fic is simply for fun. I know nothing about the personal lives of the two actors in this series and mean no harm. I am also totally guessing regarding the studio talk. Comments, reblogs, and likes are always welcome.

Word Count: 3,932

Catch up with Chapter 8

**

“What’s going on with you?” Monica asked.

“Nothing.”

She’s asked you this question for the better part of a month. Not Yours only had a couple of weeks left to shoot, but filming had seemed to drag on despite it it’s short two month schedule.

“Are you still down about Travis?”

Okay, yes, you were still lying. Kind of. After the night of the wrap party where Chris Evans walked out of your life, you took the ring off and put it back into your jewelry box saying a prayer of sorry to your grandmother for wearing her ring. Surprisingly no one brought it or Travis up except for Monica. You kept it vague. Said he wasn’t right for you and the two of you were friends. All of which was true and she didn’t press. Except for when she asked what was wrong.

“Travis and I are friends. And I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine. You’ve just been down this whole shoot.”

“Have I not been getting the job done? Have I dropped the ball in anyway?” you asked, nose buried in your copy of the script.

“Duuuuude,” she said bumping you.

“Fine,” you tossed your script on to your desk and gave her your full attention. “I’m just tired. Honestly. Haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Maybe your pregnant.”

“You’d have to be having sex to be pregnant, Monica.”

“Maybe you’re like three months pregnant and don’t know it,” she said with a smug grin. She was pulling your chain per the usual.

You gave her a smile that verged on a laugh. “You suck.”

“Maybe so. But you still love me,” she replied.

And you did. The two of you had become extremely close on this shoot. Probably because it was being completely shot on the lot with teenagers and people in their early twenties who liked to go out to clubs. Most of the crew were in their thirties so you stuck together. It was for the best. Look where being besties with Chris got you.  

You tried. Honest to goodness tried. The morning after the wrap party you called him with your hands shaking the whole time only to be dumped in his voicemail. You texted him about twelve times that first week and didn’t receive a response. Two weeks later he responded.

Chris: Maybe it’s best we just don’t speak.

Getting that message shot a pain through your heart you didn’t think was possible. Twenty minutes later he messaged again.

Chris: I can’t be with someone who isn’t honest with me. Any type of relationship is built on communication and honesty.

He was right. While he was busy falling for you, you were pretending to be engaged.

Y/N: You’re right. It’s something I’ll always regret but I’ll accept your request. I won’t contact you again.

There was no use pouring your heart out to him again. You had already done so a few times in voicemails and text messages. If anything, you were mad at yourself. Mad for not telling him when the two of you had first gotten close. And again, when you were sick and staying in his rental. Or the numerous times the two of you hung out after filming was complete for the day. You were so ready to let him go after the wrap party until he told you he was crazy about you. Of course, you were crazy about him too, but you had locked that away.

“I’m just having a problem with a friend. I wasn’t honest about something and now we aren’t speaking,” you told her with a shrug.

“If they’re a good friend they’ll eventually come around.”

“I hope so.”

**

“She’s unbearable,” Ian said, running a hand through his hair making it stand on end. “Can you please just stay with us? Or maybe, um. Maybe you can convince her she’s not working enough?” You chuckled at your crazed friend. “The people at Sony must have professionals on staff that can manage her. I just... I just can’t anymore. Not to mention I haven’t put together any of the furniture in the nursery. Haven’t washed any of the clothing or bedding. There just isn’t time.”

He bent over the sink, hands resting on the polished stone on either side, breathing deeply. You clicked the pulse button on the blender giving it another minute to come together. Ian had come into the room with his mouth moving when you were in the middle of blending the pink concoction making you pause. You released the button, walking past Ian’s arched back to grab glass from the cupboard. Walking past him once more, you took off the cover and poured the fruit and spinach filled smoothie into the glass.

Joanna was on the couch, her legs reclined on the empty seats with her tablet in hand.

“Here you go my dear. I’m taking your hubby out for a beer.”

She rested the tablet on her large belly and smiled. “Thank you. He’s driving me up the wall.”

You kissed the top of her head. “I’ve got you.”

**

Travis and Gemma were seated at a four top sitting opposite of each other when you and Ian walked in.

“Oh look, Gem! It’s my lovely bride,” Travis nearly shouted as you took a seat next to him.

Flicking him on the arm, he flinched but kissed your cheek. “Are we ever getting over that?” you whined.

“Never,” he whispered.

“I still can’t believe you assholes never told me,” Gemma replied.

“Ye-ah. It wasn’t my most shining moment and I’d like to forget it. He’s all yours,” you tease, raising your eyebrows up and down.

“Been there. Done that,” she replied.

“Hey! I’m right here!” Travis interjected.

You put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to you. “You’re so pretty.”

“Brat,” he replied.

“I just want a beer,” Ian said, his head resting on the table top.

Travis sprung out of his seat and made his way to the bar to grab Ian his beer because waiting for the server to arrive was just too many minutes wasted.

“So, you’re really done?” Gemma asked, mouth immediately going back to the straw in her glass. Some sort of mojito you thought.

“Mhm. It was for the best. The whole lying thing just was too much.”

During the last week of filming for Not Yours, you gave your notice. You kept it simple that you had some family things going on so you couldn’t commit for the next film. Barbara Floyd, the head of production told you that you had a standing offer there whenever you were ready. It was nice having steady income and influx of films being shot, but you couldn’t continue to work for an employer like that.

Travis returned with three pints, passing one to Ian and yourself.

“Thanks, Trav,” you grinned.

Ian chugged the glass of beer half way down before turning to look at Travis. “Yeah, thank you.” The server stopped by at that moment to check on the table. “One more please.” You chuckled softly causing Ian to look at you. “Anyone else?”

“No, we’re good,” you chuckled again.

“What’s next then?” Gemma continued.

“A low budget, independent. But it’s not a student film. I’ve officially retired from those.”

“Have you official retired from bartending?” Travis asked, knocking an elbow into your side.

“Probably not. It will be my go-to between jobs, probably until I retire.”

**

The drive to Studio City during rush hour was torture. But truly, it was always rush hour in LA. You really couldn’t complain as the film was being entirely shot in Los Angeles. As much as you did like to visit a new location, sometimes you just wanted your own bed.

With a few worthless honks and a hand gesture you would deny later, you found yourself parked and walking with Jonathan to the shared space amongst the production crew. Jonathan was executive producer and welcoming party for the cast and crew of currently titled, Untitled. Hopefully it would be named before filming wrapped. Being that it was an independent and rather short on funds from what you could tell, you were the sole script supervisor.

“And this is your desk!”

You gave Jonathan the politest smile you could muster. “Perfect.”

It really wasn’t. While your “office” in Vancouver was a cubical, it was modern and new. You didn’t even have walls. It was a small table about the width of two cookie sheets. Spaced on either side of you with about thee feet apart were two other tables for other production crew. At least you figured.

“Great. We are firing on all cylinders today with a table read this afternoon. We hope to start filming tomorrow,” Jonathan added.

“I’ll be ready.”

“That’s what I like to hear. I’m just down the hall if you need me. You have my number?”

“Yep. I should be set, but we’ll know more after the read through.”

Jonathan clapped his hands together, spun around and headed down the tight hallway, presumably to his own table. Maybe it was an office. An executive producer at the very least should have a cubical.

**

A large banquet table was set up in the middle of sound stage B with more than a dozen chairs for the cast around it. A row of chairs for the producers, the screen writer, director, assistant director, yourself, and a few others circled around the outside. You were a few minutes early per the usual, chatting with the small crew you had just been introduced to. You were getting aquatinted with Simone, the assistant director that was seated to your left when the cast started to trickle in. If you were being honest, you hadn’t looked in to any of the actors that were cast. You had taken on the job last minute when the previous script supervisor had backed out. It was less than a week to prepare, so you spent that time reading through the script a few times and rescuing Joanna and Ian from each other.

Simone had just given you a run down of all the films she had worked on as the two of you compared friends and colleagues in common when you felt someone lightly squeeze your knee. The offending knee groper walked on as your eyes trailed up to see Scott Evans make his way to a chair on the other side of the table. He sent you a wink and you audible gasped.

Fuck. This is going to be weird.

Really, it was only you that was being weird. Scott had squeezed your knee and gave you a friendly wink. But still. Had you known he was going to be in this film, you would have passed on the project. The last thing you wanted to do was make it awkward for him or his brother.

With the reading finished, you briefly addressed the actors letting them know where your desk was located and to come to you with any questions. When no one said anything, you gave a smile and quickly made your escape. Chris didn’t want to speak to you anymore. He made that perfectly clear. Keeping Scott at arms-length would be respecting that.

**

Scott didn’t film the first week of shooting. It helped ease your nervous stomach knowing you wouldn’t run into him on set or have to provide notes after a scene was shot. You knew he’d be filming the next week, but at least you had the weekend to freak out and hopefully you could just deal with it on Monday.

Cleaning up your table slash desk for the weekend took all but five seconds. Since it wasn’t an enclosed space, you left all personal items including Mr. Fern at home. He was blossoming much to your surprise.

“Hey Y/N.”

You knew that voice. There was no mistaking it. You looked up from your bag you were currently stuffing with your laptop to see Scott in front of you.

“Uh…”

Say something! Anything!

“Hey there Scott. How’s it goin’?”

Yep. You were talented at the art of speaking.

Scott chuckled softly, pulling up a chair from the empty table next to you. “Relax. I come in peace.” You took a shuddered breath. “I’m happy to see you on set. You come with high praise not only from my brother, but from other people you’ve worked with.”

“I doubt that. Your brother is not exactly my biggest fan.”

“I meant work wise sweetie. He can’t deny that.”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Honestly, I didn’t know you were in this film. I took the job when someone dropped out. I’m not like stalking you or trying to get to your brother.” Your bottom lip going between your teeth as soon as you finished your thought.

Scott chuckled again. Shook his head and propped it between his hands, resting his elbows on your table. “You’re cute.”

“Well, I just…I just don’t want to give you the wrong impression is all.”

“You’re not. I never thought that,” he sighed, smile dropping for a second. “Chris is thick headed. I don’t even care if you repeat that. While I think it sucks you lied, I think it sucks that a company also operates like that,” he said.

“Well, maybe they were right.” Scott lifts an eyebrow at this. “What I mean is, Chris and me did get close. Too close.”

Scott sits up straight, hands going to his knees. “But that’s not always the case. Sometimes people are going to fall for each other whether it’s frowned up or not. Listen. My brother has been pretty grumpy for the last couple of months. I was frankly happy that filming started this week because I needed a break from him. He’ll come around. Don’t give up on this.”

You nodded and stood up from your seat. “Walk me out?”

“You got it.”

Despite what Scott had said, you weren’t too sure. Yes, you kissed him and boy, was that quite the kiss. But he didn’t know how you felt. You never got to say the words. And he made it perfectly clear that the two of you shouldn’t speak to each other.

**

After a month and a half of filming, you were officially on vacation. Well, not really. You just didn’t have another film lined up at the moment. Scott had been nothing but a peach during the shoot. He was as sweet as pie and kept you quite entertained. You weren’t quite sure if you were happy or disappointed that Chris never came to visit Scott on set. In all honesty, you probably would have shutdown and hid, so it was probably for the best that he didn’t. You didn’t pry, but Scott had offered up that Chris had been in Boston, so it made sense he wasn’t around.

You were back to bartending part time. It was something to do with your free time and it was nice to have extra cash in your pocket. Thankfully, you were a saver and lived in a one-bedroom rental, so you could afford to take a few months off.

In your free time you were with your friends. Joanna’s mood swings had subsided and Ian didn’t call you for backup as much as he had been. You didn’t necessarily think she had mood swings. She had a rough few months with bouts of sickness and her emotions were running high. But it was nice to be able to go to her house and have fun like you used to.

“Trav, could you pass me the popcorn?”

He shook his head no, holding the bowl against his chest. “You and Gem are just going to eat it all and not share. I know you two.”

“Wow... I am hurt.”

“No you’re not,” he chuckled.

“I promise to make more after we all finish this bowl.”

“No, you won’t,” Gemma whispered beside you.

You knocked her with your elbow and shushed her quietly. Travis stood and passed you the bowl.

“I’ll go make my own,” he muttered before walking to the kitchen.

You let out a loud laugh, taking a large handful of popcorn and shoving it in your mouth.

Jana laid on the couch across from you with her feet in Ian’s lap. He was rubbing them with a peaceful look on his face while Jana smiled at him. They were happy and that’s all you wanted. You hoped that someday you’d find your person.

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table in front of you. Reaching for a napkin, you wiped the butter off your hands before picking it up.

Scott: Whatcha doin’?

Y/N: At my friend’s house. I work tonight.

Scott: That bites. You work all week?

Y/N: Tonight, tomorrow, and Friday. What are you up to?

Scott: Being lazy. Thinking about a solo dance party.

You smiled at his text.

Y/N: I could really go for one of those.

Y/N: Are you going to be in town for a while?

Scott: A couple of weeks at least.

Y/N: Want to grab lunch next week?

Scott: Sounds good angel. Let me know when.

Y/N: Will do. Have fun with your dance party.

**

Tuesdays were generally quiet, but people seemed to tip better. You weren’t sure if it was because patrons knew your tips would be few and far between or if the Tuesday crowd was just generous.

You had a tall can of energy drink behind the bar that you snuck sips from as the night went on. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but staying up until three in the morning on the nights you worked wasn’t easy. Making it to midnight was no problem, but after that, you were dead on your feet. It was only eight and you were already dragging. Grabbing the can, you brought it to your lips taking a pull.

“Those things will kill you.”

You put the can down and spun around to face the bar top. Your stomach dropped as you gripped the edge of the counter to keep yourself standing.

“Chris,” you whispered.

“Hey,” he said softly, pulling his black ballcap low on his face.

“Uh, hi?”

What the fuck is he doing here?

“Can I get a beer?” he asked. You stared blankly at him as he took a seat in the stool directly in front of you. “Whatever IPA you have on tap.”

You couldn’t move. Chris was here and speaking to you as if this was an everyday occurrence.

“Sweetheart?”

“Uhhh. IPA?” you asked, somehow getting your voice back.

Chris nodded his head. He interlaced his fingers and rested his hands on the bar. You walked to the far side of the bar to give yourself a minute to breathe. It didn’t matter than there were two IPAs on tap two feet from where he sat, the taps on the far end is where you went. You filled the glass and gave yourself an extra ten seconds to calm down. This was Chris. Your friend Chris who you were crazy about and he was crazy about you. At least he once was. You on the other hand were still crazy about him. You could deal with him in your bar for fifteen minutes or however long it takes him to finish his drink.  

You walked back the length of the bar, grabbing a coaster and setting both in front of him.

“What are you doing here, Chris?”

He took a quick sip, licking the foam from his lips before setting the glass back down. “Straight to the point. I can deal with that. Uh, Scott told me you worked here.”

Scott. You internally rolled your eyes.

“That’s why he asked about my work schedule yesterday.”

Chris cringed a little bit, shrugging both shoulders. “I asked him to. I should have just called you, but I wasn’t sure if you would have picked up for me.”

This time you actually rolled your eyes. “I would have taken your call. You’re the one that doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.” It came out way harsher than you meant it to. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” You shook your head, placing your elbows on the bar top and leaned in. “I thought about what I’d say if I saw you again and that wasn’t it. What I meant is I’m sorry. When you and I became friends, I should have told you what was going on, but I was scared. It seemed like such an innocent lie in the beginning but it kept getting bigger. I trusted you, but when it came down to it, I didn’t honor that trust and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

Chris visible relaxed, his back hunching as he rested his forearms on the bar. “Sweetheart,” he started. “This isn’t all on you. I get why you didn’t want to tell me and while I wish you would have, I can’t hold that against you. I was hurt. Once we started hanging out, I started to fall for you even though I knew I shouldn’t. It was hard, so hard to hold back and respect the relationship I thought you had. So, it hurt when I found out it wasn’t real. But I shouldn’t have pushed you away that I had. I wish I hadn’t sent you that text message after ignoring you for weeks. So, what I’m trying to say is I’m sorry too. I’d like for us to be friends again.”

Friends. Not exactly what you hoped for, but you’d take Chris back in your life anyway you could get him.

“I would like that,” you said, offering him a small smile. “I’ll be right back.”

A couple had come in and taken a seat at table. You walked over, grabbing their drink orders before returning to the bar. It was probably the quickest margarita over ice and whiskey coke you’ve ever made, but you were walking on air at the moment. Chris wanted to be friends again.

Chris had apparently chugged his beer in the few minutes you were gone. You guessed he was just as nervous as you were about this conversation. “One more?” you asked, coming to stand in front of him again.

“Please.”

This time you went to the taps closest to him. You filled a new glass and stuck his old in the dishwasher.

“How long are you in town?” you asked.

“Just a couple of weeks. I actually wanted to talk to you about that.” You leaned on your forearms as you waited for him to continue. “I start shooting a new movie in a few months. I’m directing again.”

Your face lit up at his news. “That’s great Chris. Are you starring too?”

He took a sip from the glass and nodded his head. “I am. Which is the problem.” You crinkled your brow and quirked your mouth to the side. “See, if I’m directing, it’s kind of hard for me to give myself notes and keep me in line.”

“Yeah, you are a tough one to work with,” you sassed.

Chris smiled, letting his eyes go soft. “So, I need a good script supervisor. Any chance you know of one that doesn’t currently have a new film lined up?”

You smiled brightly before giving him an intense stare. “It’s not in Canada in the winter is it?”

“Nah. New England in the fall. What do you say, Y/N?”

You drummed your hands on the bar. “I’ll take it.”

**

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[solarwriting]

hopeless

in which steve harrington's sister is gay for their mutual friend, robin

y/n was working at the orange julius in the food court at starcourt, she was usually the one who ran drinks out to the people waiting for other food. she was currently carrying a tray of drinks, a huge group had decided to come to the mall today, so y/n was stuck carrying five smoothies trying to find their owners. the next moment was a blur of her looking for the group of teens to her covered in varying flavors of smoothie, looking at a very embarrassed robin.

"sorry." the blonde said, repeating herself a couple times as she awkwardly tried to brush the thick drink off. y/n tried to laugh it off, halfheartedly reasurring that it was fine.

"it's-i, clumsy." robin mumbled.

"uh, yeah." y/n trailed, rubbing the back of her neck.

robin was silent for a moment, "did you hear about the party? um steve told me there's a party at tina's tonight. steve's dragging me to it, you should come."

"yeah," y/n laughed awkwardly, "i'll be there. but i got to go. i'm still covered in, uh, smoothie."

robin nodded as she held up her hand, folding it into a peace sign and unfolding it a couple of times.

y/n laughed again, "yeah... peace." she turned around and walked to the orange julius stall in the food court, her coworker laughing at her awkward encounter and her smoothie drenched state.

robin turned around and swore to herself as she stalked back towards scoops ahoy, "fuck. fuck. fuck."

steve looked up from the counter he was washing and looked at her disappointed face, asking her was happened with a shrug. scoops was empty at the moment, "so what happened with mystery girl?" steve asked.

robin hadn't told steve it was his sister she liked, she didn't know if y/n was gay and if she was, robin didn't want to be the one to out her to her brother. "badly, i crashed into and i invited her to tina's party, so we have to go to that and when i left i kept doing a peace sign and it was so bad, she'd never go out with me and i don't even know if she's gay and-"

"okay! let's take a breath." steve interrupted, we have an hour left of of our shifts then we can go, get ready for the party, okay? my sister could help you get ready."

so an hour later, there robin was, sitting in y/n's room as she delicately brushed a light peach to robin's freckled cheeks. she grabbed a red lipstick showing it to robin in question, she shook her head. robin smiled and nodded when y/n showed her a light pink lipstick. y/n rolled the lipstick up and grabbed robin's chin softly, she lightly dabbed the lipstick to the center of robin's lips. she grabbed a paper towel using it to blend the pink into her natural lip color.

"are you guys ready?" steve called from the hall, causing the two girls to jump away from each other.

"um, here." y/n handed a mirror to robin and leaned back, "you look," y/n cleared her throat, "ready for the party. i-i mean, are you ready to go to the party?" robin nodded.

"i'll be in the car you guys." steve called, the door shuting behind him.

"we should," robin motioned to the door with a light chuckle.

"yeah. um, steve told me that you're trying to impress someone tonight. um, they won't know what hit them."

robin chuckled, "thanks."

the two girls walked to steves car and made there way to tina's house where teen's were streaming out of the front door. steve parked and the three got out and made their way inside, y/n going straight for the punch bowl. throughout the night, y/n tried to talk to robin and each time it failed the highlight of the night being:

"i wish you'd come out." robin said over the music as she poured a couple of shots.

y/n was surprised, "uh i am out, i've been out for a while, at least to my friends and family, i thought you knew."

"n-no i meant, like come out to parties, and stuff." robin explained.

"oh." y/n said, taking a shot before quickly leaving.

steve had been watching this go downhill for awhile now and was getting sick of it. he set down is now empty cup and grabbed y/n by the elbow, dragging her into the bathroom.

"steve, what the hell?" y/n tugged herself out of steve's grip.

"okay, this is sad, y/n. you like robin and guess what robin likes you. so go out there and for the love of god just ask her our or something." steve said.

"r-robin likes me?" y/n was dumbfounded.

steve rollled his eyes, "oh my god." he walked out of the bathroom.

y/n blinked and looked at herself in mirror, giving herself a mini pep talk before walking out of the bathroom, looking for robin. she walked into a kitchen first, pouring herself a shot a downing if before she saw robin laughing with a couple of people.

y/n took a deep breath and walked up to robin with faux confidence, "robin, um, can we talk?"

"y-yeah." robin nodded, the two of them walking away from the crowd and into an empty bedroom.

y/n sighed as robin shut the door, "i, ah, fuck it-" y/n rushed forward and grabbed robin's face and kissed her, robin's shock allowing y/n to deepen the kiss. y/n pushed robin against the wall, robin's arms wrapped around y/n's neck.

y/n pulled away from robin and sighed, "i've wanted to do that for so long."

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 24: Someone Actually Called the Cops.

So recently I was like, “I should do something different than my usual” and I decided to open up a little thread for critiquing ppl’s short stories, and I kid you not, the very first story I got was someone’s Seto Kaiba erotica. Which, even in erotica form, did not have very much romance in it. So, now that Yugioh will apparently haunt my every waking move forever until I die, lets get back to S4. Lets desperately get back to canon. I miss canon.

Last we left off, Kaiba lost KaibaCorp...again. Really feels like he loses this company once every couple of years (weeks if we count season 1-3). Except, this time, Dartz didn’t read the fine print in the legal files that says the company must be run by a member of the Kaiba family. While that was a huge plot point with Pegasus, turns out that Seto and Mokuba’s memories have been blended so thoroughly, like a very fine Shadow Realm smoothie, that they just...forgot.

And like I’m positive that Roland remembers, but Roland’s not gonna say something and accidentally reveal he’s the 4th Kaiba brother and have to get abducted all the time and actually work for a living. Anyways, they forgot why Pegasus abducted them in the first place in Season 1, and honestly, so did the writers of this season 4 years later. Not like it mattered, because if Seto and Mokuba did take Dartz to court, the world would end before their case would even start.

Which is how, after one talk with Roland, Seto and Mokuba just sort of laid prone on the metaphorical ground and let it wash over them that yes, KaibaCorp is gone.

I really like this extra-long helicopter, PS.

Both members of Kaiba’s Sunglasses Army decided to align themselves with Kaiba, although honestly, I don’t think anyone else in this company has realized that they’ve been bought. It happened...1 hour ago. Like what do you even do if your company randomly gets bought in the middle of a workday? Like no lead up, no indication, just BAM you’ve been bought?

And if Duke works for Pegasus who got bought out by Dartz and then Dartz bought Kaiba Corp-------What does that make Duke? Is he gonna have to start wearing sunglasses inside?

Anyway, Roland knows better than to tell Seto Kaiba he doesn’t work for him anymore while still in the same helicopter as Seto Kaiba, who already crashed one plane today and will crash yet another plane before this episode is through.

(read more under the cut)

Seto decides to align with Yugi since he needs to confront Dartz eventually. Which is when we find out that Seto always planned to align with Yugi and was just giving him a really hard time.

Because over the last several episodes, Seto has had an entire team at this random museum in Florida in order to take some pictures (that really should have already been on the internet but wtv, it was 2003 so maybe it wasn’t?)

It’s like most of the way through s4 and the biker ninjas still send me. How did he make SO MANY biker ninjas? At what point was Dartz like...and now...all my mooks...will be ninja bikers. Or orcs. Mostly Ninja bikers.

Did Alister or the others ever tell him “hey, Master Dartz, I get that your 10000 years old but like...do you not understand what a biker is?” and was Dartz like

“clearly bikers are the most evil thing in the world, obviously.” completely unaware that most bikers are just 45 year old accountants.

In these scenes we also get a gander at their laptops and, if you ever want to see high level life crippling OCD anxiety in picture form, it’s illustrated very clearly right here:

Not only did they draw this keyboard in 1 pt perspective, they used like a ruler to draw all those letters so they were the same size. Some artist put so much time getting this nice and crisp and smooth...and then this happened.

And I’m pretty sure they died after that. I’m pretty sure this scene killed an artist.

It’s at this point that Yami kinda puts two and two together and was like “WE BOUGHT PLANE TICKET’S, YOU ASSHOLES.”

(It’s been such a long time since we’ve seen Mokuba smile like this, and it’s because he’s been hiding the fact for So Many Episodes that he and his brother prepped like hours ago to get this huge dunk on the rest of the party. He just wants to dunk on them so bad. Look at him. His company was bought today. BUT he gets to spend time with his bro dunking.)

Serious question, will Delta refund your flight if the Great Leviathan appears in the sky and tries to eat your soul to reboot the world from the ground up?

Of course not. They will never refund your flight. Trick question.

We switch back over to Rebecca and Duke, who have been absent from this show for so long, I actually forgot what Duke’s name was and had to think for like...5 entire minutes until I remembered that his nickname sounds like a poop and I was like “oh man, what name of poop would it be???” and then I recalled “Dookie. Yes. His name is literally Dookie. Wow that took way too long!”

Then we start a story arc I’d to call “My Kingdom For a Sharpen Filter” where, much like King Lear, the Yugi crew splays themselves on a battle field just strewn with different ways to sharpen an image, but can’t for the life of them use any other one, but the one deep in the heart of what is now DartzCorp.

And so yes, we are going to fly to San Fransisco, hop into ye Olde KaibaCorp, and log into proto-Noah in order to read a language that Arthur Hawkins can already read.

This is nonsense, but they put it there because it’s something to do. And honestly, it’s not a card game, so I’m down for this change-up. Lets go visit a version of Noah’s brain. At least they won’t drop an orichalcos for the 12th episode in a row.

On the way, Seto decides to try and egg on Yugi.

This backfires as you expect it will because Yami doesn’t freakin care. Like he’s not Yugi, he doesn’t care who the King of Games is, he harnesses freakin Dark Magic. The Wizard never cares if he’s King Arthur or not, and in fact, he probably prefers it....

..................Except in that spinoff where they had Yugi as a reincarnation of King Henry VII.

...................................................never mind.

And then Seto Kaiba says this actual line and I just...

WH.

WHHH

WHAT?

This entire show is just watching Yugi desperately cling to his scary ass hobbies. The tagline of Yugioh is “1001 reasons to go back to school and get a real job.”

What does Kaiba think Yugi does when he’s not around? Does he actually think Yugi attends school or sleeps at night or works an actual job? Like...he thinks Yugi has...NO HOBBIES.

Very interesting insight into what Seto considers a hobby and not hobby.

Especially since this Yami, who spends most of his spare time farting around his scary ass brain castle and getting lost. Occasionally he is forced on a date with Tea and wipes minds. That’s it. That’s all the things Yami does outside of hobbies.

Anyway, what is Dartz doing during all of this?

After this, Dartz pulls back the literal curtains on this room to reveal these candles that each hold the soul of someone he’s murdered.

There are not NEARLY enough candles for this segment.

A very brave man to have candles littered on the floor when his hair is down to his ass and all of his mooks have floorduster coats.

I really want to know what the local arts and crafts store thought when Dartz strode in there and bought every single tiny styrafoam skull during the Halloween sale and was like “can I put souls in these? You sell the kind I can put souls in, right?” and then immediately pulled out like a dozen 50% off coupons like a complete asshole.

Anyway, using this candle hocus pocus, Dartz uses the Orichalcos powers to take advantage of something Yugi did in the first episode. We distantly recall there was a giant eyeball in the sky--turns out if you bust up the eyeball with, lets say, a card that has a dragon on it, the eyeball will explode into many tiny Orichalcos pieces that will fall all over planet Earth.

So apparently Yugi didn’t save anyone at all when he busted that eyeball, because he instead set in motion Dartz’ evil plan to eventually use these many tiny Orichalcos pieces like the one seen here, to kill the hell out of people.

Good job, Yugi. Too bad you missed the Actual Bakura.

In fact, actual Bakura is probably the only one who survived this incident because I guarantee that Ryou Bakura is too busy eating all the contents of his fridge out of stress. He’s probably opened his window at this point, seen the crazy lights in the sky and in the street and was like  “Blooooooody nope nopenopenopenopenope” and just locked the windows and doors, turned up Hercule Poirot to max volume, and stuffed his face with cookies.

(Or biscuits, I guess.)

WELL.

I don’t know how to tally that.

Yugioh not only broke the tally I was using to measure the distance they spent commuting this season, it also broke the tally on the amount of people who have died on this children’s show.

That’s a really big number.

We’ve had real duel monsters for a couple weeks but youknow...this time they’re extra, extra, extra real. More so than the last times. Also they’re all Orichalcos versions of their cards so their extra edge now. They’re the hot topic versions of what were already pretty hot-topic ass cards.

MMM. We come full circle, back at a dock, a warehouse, and some huge ass boat.

Right where we belong. Where all friends meet, where we can all finally be one.

Yugioh found one of the only cities that has a very famous and tourist heavy pier/warehouse district in it just so the Yugi gang could finally feel comfortable in their natural habitat. HOWEVER, there’s just one tiny problem in this scene, and it’s that it’s not overlaid with the actual soundscape of a SF pier, which is that of 100000 screaming seals

I don’t have a seal problem, you have a seal problem.

Anyway, the only healthy adults here attempt to follow the children into danger but someone on the animation team was like “we just lost the keyboard drawing guy to that capslock! We cannot lose any more interns to a crowd scene with 9 people in it and 2 dead bodies!” and they uh...

And we immediately eject Roland and whoever that weird sunglasses guy is out of the script. Mokuba gave them a longing glance as they helicoptered away. Maybe because he missed his Dad stand-ins that he went through such efforts to call in the first place. Or more likely, because Mokuba would have preferred to be on that helicopter and far away from whatever the hell is going to go down on this dock.

Honestly the rest of Joey’s storyline this episode is him going rogue because of Mai rage, and it both comes out of nowhere and also seems very on point for him.

Meanwhile, Rebecca’s unbridled rage towards Yami Muto is still low key hilarious to me.

Witness the only character here who thinks Yami should suffer actual consequences and witness Yami just appear to not give a single damn about it.

Nearly spat out my own drink watching this.

The...

...police...

...exist in this universe?

Anyway, while Tristan and Tea try to locate a payphone to dial 911, Seto and Yugi decide to invade Seto’s own company by going through an elevator that you have to reach through the sewers.

Straight up I don’t think SF even has sewers. At least, not in the sense that you can walk in em like New York or Paris or other cities that have sewers. Our sewer systems are very small cuz we got something called “liquefaction” which means our ground is so soft (and artificial--a lot of the land is fake), that when there is an earthquake, certain parts of the city will...liquefy. It’s Terrifying. We kind of...avoid going and building underground except in certain stable places. (like even BART gives me the heebies.)

I just have a very strong distrust of basements, caves and other underground places in general and it’s not because of spiders, or ghosts or whatever, I’m just afraid of faultlines. It’s like having an active volcano, but you just don’t see it, and we haven’t had a Big One since 1989 so...any day now (I mean, 2020 has been such redic content, that I think we’re finally ready)

Again, Japan has way more intense Earthquakes than we do, and yet they have a billion underground subways and very, very tall buildings, so like, this is mostly a big cultural difference between the two of us. And the bedrock. They probably have better bedrock than we do (honestly, I just have no idea).

MASTER HACKER SKILLS.

Almost as good as that time he hacked into Pegasus’ company by dropping a satellite on it. I’m starting to think Seto actually doesn’t know how to use a computer.

Anyway, Seto is faced with...real cards, real monsters, indisputable evidence, and he decides, it’s time. It’s time to finally face facts.

So, while these two are just flinging cards around willy nilly, Tea and Tristan are ...actually talking to police.

4 seasons. They’re actually doing it.

Although, TBH, they probably should have gone to the Japanese Embassy first? Just throwing that out there.

Ah Yugioh, the only kids show around that tells you point blank not to trust cops. Timeless.

U.S

In some weird underground earthquake hazard, Rebecca proves that she is smarter than Seto Kaiba. She’s maybe even the smartest person on this show. Nice that we gave her nothing to do this season but pine over Yugi who is already taken by Tea who he is also not even dating.

Not that I love Rebecca or anything, I actually have a hard time with her voice, but like...they really dropped the ball on Rebecca.

If she does end up joining Kaiba corp as their back up Felicity Smoak while Seto just runs around aimlessly punching stuff that really is just offbrand Arrow but with cards. And with slightly less resurrections.

So, lets get a gander at that computer.

We didn’t get to see Kaiba pull out 12 other discs to complete the installation process for these all these Hard Discs. Maybe the lure of throwing a very aerodynamic CD across the room like a paper card was so strong that his dev team forced him to switch to these defunct squares?

PS, I am a true millennial, OK? But, I don’t remember Hard Discs.

Hard Discs were SO long go. I stopped using these damn things in Elementary school. The last Hard Disc I ever touched was in college, when I had to put my art portfolio on a disc to submit it to my degree. I don't know even why. Everyone had a mac, so I knew no one’s computer in the department even...HAD a disc drive so it was like...whomst among you has this damn computer from 1997? Whomst among you is still using Windows 95? WHY would I put IMAGES on a floppy when I can just email them to you?

Anyway, I had to get a USB hard disc reader, and to get that reader, I had to call my Dad who had legacy software because he’s a computer engineer, and he had to mail it to me.

In that same portfolio review, PS, I also had to submit my portfolio as slides.

I didn’t even know where to produce slides so I had to ask all these old people and go to the last photo processing store on earth to get digital pictures turned into negatives and then turned into freakin slides.

SLIDES.

I honestly think they just did that to weed people out of the art degree.

Anyway, I tell you this story just to say that there is no way in hell that Kaiba was using a hard disc during the height of the CD era. We were CD or go home since 2000. We had pretty decent jump drives at this point. We had wifi. It was realllly bad wifi, but we had it. Your phone could connect to the internet. It would charge you 50 bucks, but it COULD connect.

Who on the Yugioh team DID this?

Anyway lets see these pictures that for which, we spent thousands of dollars in unused plane tickets, destroyed a Caltrain, killed 2 ancient Atlanteans (and their dog), killed 3 random mid-villains, walked across the entire Peninsula, crashed an international plane, and left both the plane and the train to rot gas fuel into the nearest lake which is right next to a ghost graveyard?

Yeaaaaaaaaaah!

Like he reads it and is all “They’re gonna resurrect Atlantis” and it’s like WE KNOW. Dartz and his hooligans have talked about starting their Utopia to reboot the world since Gurimo. Since Day 1.

Man.

Anyways, there was one plus to the pictures, and it was that Seto Kaiba recognized the Oricalchos logo.

just...

The Oricalchos logo is...

...This logo, Seto?

You...didn’t recognize...seriously? Not until just now? You have been inside of this logo, rearing to lose your soul to Alister 2 times, and he only recognized it...just now.

I mean Seto takes a while y’all. He’s a genius, but his memory is so, so bad, that he will Eventually get smart, but you have to wait until like episode 24. But he’ll get there. Just gotta be patient.

And, when he saw it, he wigged out in a way I wasn’t prepared for.

Y’all I feel like I’ve seen to many weird zooms on Kaiba’s crotch in this show. Or just in life in general, especially after that surprise fic. That’s all.

I don’t know why everything exploded, but maybe the logo is cursed in the same way as God Cards? I dunno.

Anyway, this is when Dartz shows up with his brand new dog.

So they run outside onto the roof.

Now listen, does every Kaiba Corp building need the same weird ass roof? Is it like a McDonalds?

Because I’m just picturing this type of roof in SF and I’m having a time.

Forgive me if I made this lemming joke already. He’s just stood on a cliff’s edge so many times I can’t keep up.

RIP Dragon Jet, who took us from S3-S4, you’ll always live on in our memory, you glorious, wasteful, beautiful death trap.

Seto and Yugi are fine by the way, they just kinda jumped out, as you do when you’re an immortal god possessing a small boy and a...whatever the hell Seto is.

It’s at this point we reintroduce Valon because Joey went rogue and has decided to take on Dartz by himself. This is what happens when Tristan leaves the party. You always need Tristan to hold back Joey by his armpits to keep him from fighting random people.

So I guess Valon’s gonna die next episode. That’ll be nice.

What’s great about this show is each arc is just watching each villain die. You know they’ll die. But...how much?

Anyway, that’s all for today. I’m still drawing a hell ton of stuff so I don’t know when the next update will be...but just now I haven’t dropped off or something. I’ll...eventually get to it.

And if you just got here, this is a link to read all of these in chrono order.

Anyway, I mentioned Hercule Poirot, (because watching a hell ton of BBC was how I spent time with my family when I was a kid, and my very Southern Grandma freakin LOVED Hercule Poirot) So here is the best subplot of that show, which is David Suchet eating stuff.

And which doesn’t want to embed for some reason. Probs can’t embed more than one video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17antzzJrzQ

[is-it-madness]

My Glorious Purpose | Loki x OC Chapter 6

A/N: I’m so in love with the mood board for this story! Thank you @wowjeena​ for helping me with it and for being an amazing beta! Love you, darling! 💜😘

Pairing: Loki x OC  (Tera Digitalis)

Word Count: 3.7k+

Warnings: Touching without consent

Chapter 6: Mission

(Tera’s POV)

Three months have passed by. Tony and Pepper rebuilt Stark Tower from the inside. Tony made sure that every Avenger has their own floor if they ever happen to stay over—Nat and Clint already rearranged their rooms to suit their style. They had come back about a week after they had vanished. Everything is back to normal after Loki’s attempted invasion failed. I still have a light mark from where I was cut on my forehead, other than that, everything is great. Tony designed my room, but unlike Clint and Nat, I kept the original layout and decor. I don’t really have that many possessions to decorate with. When Fury had dropped off a backpack that contained all my stuff, Tony freaked.

“Hey! Where’s this bag from kid? It has your name on it.”

I walk over to where Tony is standing. There’s a backpack next to the elevator and sure enough, my name is on it. I pick it up and unzip it.

“Oh! This is my stuff. Fury must’ve finally had time to clear out my room on the ship,” I tell Tony.

He looks at the bag, then at me, then back down to the bag.

“So-o-o, when is he going to bring the rest of your stuff over?”

“This is all my stuff Tony,” I laugh while shaking my head.

He takes the bag from my hands.

“Hey!”

He starts to ruffle around inside.

“Wait, wait. So you’re telling me all you own is three shirts and two pairs of pants?!”

“Not true!” I retaliate.

“Oh excuse me, so rude of me to forget about your toiletries,” he says sarcastically.

“Yeah, so?” I rip my belongings out of his grasp.

“Okay. JARVIS.”

“Yes, Mr. Stark?”

“Remind me to ask Ms. Potts to take the kid shopping later.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Tony! You really don’t need to do that! I’m absolutely fine with what I have!”

“Look kid. You might be okay living like this, but I’m not. You are a teenager! You should have more shoes that you can count! Jeans, shorts, t-shirts, sweaters, dresses, pajamas!. Not some S.H.I.E.L.D. authorized uniforms! And I’m not going to keep arguing with you about this! End of discussion.”

I huff in frustration. “Fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look into my huge walk-in closet that Tony had built for me. I’ve been able to fill a rack after Ms. Potts had taken me shopping. I honestly don’t mind having a few items. I’ve lived so long with so little, that I’m used to not owning as many things as most girls my age would.

I quickly change into some workout clothes we bought and head down to the training room. Nat is already down there meditating, and I join her. We sit there for about ten minutes before we start to stretch.

“You ready to continue your training?” she asks me.

I nod at her enthusiastically. She had begun to train me in karate before Loki came to Earth.

“Okay, so I decided that today, we are going to start incorporating weapons into your techniques.”

She walks to the cabinet where we store all our practice weapons, and pulls out a staff that’s roughly her height. She reaches in again and pulls out another one that is smaller by several inches and hands it to me.

“Now, when you work with a staff, you need one about your height. That makes it easier to work with. And since you’re so short, you get the smallest staff.”

“Hey! Just because I’m five inches shorter than you does NOT mean I’m short!”

It’s the whole “kid” fiasco all over again. 

Nat just laughs. “Yeah, because being 5’2” isn’t short at all. Not in the slightest.”

“Whatever. Can we just start already?”

“Okay, first, we’ll begin with learning how to do a basic spin.”

She begins spinning her staff with both her hands, then switching between hands. I begin to bounce on my heels. I can’t wait; it looks so cool. When she’s done showing off, she stands in front of me.

“Now the first thing you want to do is place your left foot in front of you and extend your left hand while holding your staff. Make sure your hand is in the middle of the staff. Good. Next place your right hand on your chest, just to move it out of your way, for the time being.”

I complied.

“Okay now follow what I do.”

She begins to turn the staff in front of her, then bringing it towards her back.

“See how I’m leading the staff with my thumb? It’s directing the staff where I want it to go.”

We practice that move for a few minutes before turning to use our right hand. After we do that, it starts to get a little tricky. Nat tells me to reverse the way I am turning my staff, so that I start with my palm downward instead of up. It takes me several tries and a few hits to my arm before I finally catch on.

“Not bad. Now let’s try incorporating both hands.”

I watch Nat do it first before I give myself any more bruises. She starts slowly, with her left hand, turning the staff in front of her. When she reaches the right side of her body, she places her right hand behind her left, and turns it back towards the left side of her. She starts speeding up and taking steps as she twirls her staff. It’s a beautifully deadly sight. I start mimicking her movement and soon we were side by side, furiously spinning our staffs in front of us, dancing around each other. Lethal, dangerous, a force to be reckoned with. And I love it.

After practicing for a few hours, I head upstairs to take a shower. Tony had built an en suite in everyone’s rooms. At first, I thought it was a bit much, but I had admittedly grown to love it. When I finish showering and changing into regular clothes, I make my way to the kitchen for food. I take out some ice cream, milk, and frozen strawberries and dump them into a blender. Nat walks in when I’m adding the bananas.

“Mmmm. Make me a cup too.”

“I don’t know if I should,” I respond teasingly. “After all, I seem to recall a certain redhead making fun of my height.”

“Please кроли!” she pouts.

“Okay, fine, fine.”

I blend the smoothie together and pour us each a cup.

We’re making small talk, when her phone buzzes. She picks it up and reads the message. She smiles and looks at me.

“What’s up Nat?”

“Clint and I have another mission tonight.”

“Another one?” I ask nonchalantly, trying to not sound whiny. You just came back from one two days ago! I think to myself.

She must’ve seen the disappointment on my face, however, because she says, “Don’t worry, it’s only for tonight.”

“Good. Otherwise I would have had to practice spinning a staff with Tony.”

Nat laughs at that. When we finish our smoothies, Nat leaves to look for Clint to fill him in on the mission they received. I head out on my own, roaming the tower. I could join Tony and Bruce in the lab, since I’ve been acting as peacemaker since we first settled in. Tony gets a kick out of trying to get Bruce to hulk out. We haven’t had an accident yet, but with Tony around, who knows when Bruce will reach the end of his tether. But I just don’t want to deal with that headache right now. After Tony had finished rebuilding the tower, and whenever Clint and Nat are gone, I go exploring. It’s unbelievable how many rooms the tower has. Lately I stopped exploring because I found a library. It’s magnificent. Rows of shelves that reach the ceiling are stacked with books. The room is circular, so that you can’t see the other end of the room when you enter, just books. It’s kinda like a maze, with all the shelves curving to fit the shape of the room. Someone else could be in here and you would never know. Thankfully Tony took my advice when building this room. He added a mini kitchen, several sofas and armchairs, and a huge fireplace, that I requested. I go to my favorite sofa and grab the book I’ve been reading. 

I read for several hours before I hear JARVIS speak to me. 

“Miss Tera, Miss Romanoff has asked me to inform you that she is looking for you. She is currently in your room.”

“Okay, thanks JARVIS.”

I jog to the elevator and head up to mine and Nat’s floor. I enter my room to see Nat wearing a black cocktail dress with red accents and black heels. Clint is there too and wearing a suit.

“Hey Nat. JARVIS said you were looking for me?”

“Yeah, why aren’t you dressed yet?!”

“For what?”

“Oh shit, did I forget to tell you? You’re coming with us on our mission.”

“Really? Seriously?”

“Yeah, c’mon, get ready. Here’s your dress,” she says, gesturing to my bed.

I take one look at it.

“Wait, what is it that I’ll be doing exactly?” I ask anxiously.

Clint answers, “Don’t worry, you’re backup. Which means you get to sit with me and let Nat do everything.”

“Well if I’m just backup, why do I need this dress?”

“Cause we're going to a party,” Nat tells me.

Nat has to force me out of my hoodie and jeans and into the dress. She threatened to make me workout with Tony. I changed real fast when she said that. When I finish, I slip into the heels that Nat set aside for me. Clint then sat me down in front of my mirror and did my makeup while Nat worked on my hair.

I’m glad when we went to the garage no one saw me in my dress. I manage to avoid everyone. Except for Nat and Clint of course. Now don’t get me wrong. I like the dress. I really like it, in fact. But I struggle with accepting my appearance, not to mention self-esteem. I don’t like anything about any of my features, my insecurities always consume my every waking minute. And this dress is a little revealing. I feel exposed in the lace sleeves, knee length skirt, and low neckline. Plus with the black and gold heels? It’s a nice outfit, just not for me. 

As we drive to the hotel, where the party is at, I admire my smokey makeup look Clint did. I never would have guessed that a skilled archer would know how to apply eye shadow.

“So what are we dealing with Nat?”

She turns to face me from the front. Next to her, driving, is Clint.

“We’re dealing with a major illegal arms dealer named James Foyer. He’s made millions selling illegal weapons to the worst kind of people imaginable.”

“I’m guessing you’re gonna flirt with him to get him to tell you who his buyers are?”

She winks. “Exactly.”

I run my hands through my long, brunette hair. “So what’s he celebrating?”

“I don’t think he needs a reason to celebrate. Just wants to show the world he’s got money—and lots of it,” Clint says.

A few minutes later, we pull up in front of a huge hotel. We step out of the Ferrari and Clint gives the keys to the valet.

“Not a scratch.”

Nat and I hold on to Clint’s arm, on either side of him.

“Earpieces in?”

“Check,” we tell him.

“Alright then Nat, off you go.”

She slips away from us and heads through the crowd, keeping an eye out for our target. Clint heads toward the stairs, and I make my way to the back of the party, smiling, keeping watch.

“Target located Nat. He’s coming out of the elevator.”

Of course Clint would see him first, looking for his prey from above.

“Heading that way now,” Nat reports back.

I turn towards the elevator, where a tall, skinny, dark haired man is exiting. He has a cigar dangling from his lips and is wearing an expensive looking suit. As soon as he steps out of the elevator, hordes of women try to come near him, to touch him, to claim him as their own. He gives each of them attention, but he grows bored of them and moves on to the next set of breasts he sees.

“Disgusting,” I want to look away, but I can’t. I’m Nat’s backup. If something happens to her, I have to jump in and take her spot. I see James’ eyes latch on to Nat and her body. I shake my head. No decent man can look at Nat without looking down every few seconds. But she takes it, she starts chatting with him, laughing flirtatiously, placing her hand on his arm. It seems to be working. I figure Nat would get him to crack in the next ten minutes. I start to notice something wrong. Foyer is getting bored of her. I’ve never seen a man become bored so quickly when Natasha Romanoff is around. He begins scanning the crowd, looking for another female to interest him, when his eyes land on me. I’m about to bolt out of the hotel, when I hear Clint.

“Wait! Stay there. Nat’s losing him, so you might have to go in. Act interested in him.”

I do as Clint says and flash a smile at Foyer. He immediately begins to make his way towards me.

Through my clenched smile, I tell Clint, “I don’t think I can do this! Nat hasn’t trained me in this yet!”

“Don’t worry Tera, you can do this. Just make him think you’re into him. Flirt. Laugh. Play dumb.”

“But Clint-”

“This is my sister Savannah. Savannah, this is Mr. James Foyer.”

“There you are Cleo!” I say to Nat. “I’ve been looking for you!” I turn to face the man. “It’s lovely to meet you Mr. Foyer.”

I extend my hand to shake, but he takes it and brings it to his lips.

“Please, call me James.”

I smile back at him, trying to restrain my look of disgust.

“Cleo, why didn’t you tell me your sister is a doll?”

Nat laughs and says, “You think every new girl you meet is a doll.”

I find myself very relieved that Nat and I came up with fake names for each other. I suddenly notice Nat tapping her thigh. It isn’t out of nervousness, rather, it’s a code—Morse code.

Not me, he wants you.

I groan internally after I decode her message. Of course the only person to ever find me attractive is a sleazeball.

Okay. I tap back. I have to do this, this is why I’m here, for backup. Also because I don’t think Clint would be able to seduce Foyer.

At my response, Nat makes up an excuse to leave, leaving me with Foyer.

“I don’t believe you two are sisters,” he says evenly.

I raise an eyebrow. KEEP CALM!

“Really?”

He takes a step closer to me and takes my face in his hand. It takes all I have to not bite his hand.

“No. You’re much more… appealing,” he says, eyes darting towards my body, lingering in places that make me want to put him in a choke hold. 

DON’T SLAP HIM, DO NOT SLAP HIM! THINK OF THE MISSION! THINK. OF. THE. MISSION.

“You’re not like other girls,” he continues. 

“How so?” I ask, in what I hope is a seductive voice, batting my lashes at him.

He drops his hand and chuckles. “As soon as I entered the room, they all threw themselves at me. You didn’t. I like women who play hard to get.” He suddenly grabs my waist and pulls me flush against him, now whispering in my ear. “Cause once I get them, they taste the sweetest,” I feel him place a soft kiss on my neck, lingering before pulling away.

I see Clint aiming his gun from the balcony and Nat pulling out her knives. They heard what he said and saw what he did. I place my arms around Foyer’s neck, making a shooing motion with my hand to tell them to stand down. I smile at the man in front of me, an idea forming.

“If we taste the sweetest, what do you taste like?”

He smiles an even larger one and leans forward, attempting to kiss me. I put a finger to his lips and a hand to his chest, holding him back. I might have to seduce him, but I refuse to let my first kiss be with this sexist.

“Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private?” I whisper, trailing my fingers down his chest, stopping at his belt.

He takes my hand and heads towards the elevator. He pushes the button for the third floor and as soon as the doors close, he tries kissing me again and again I place a finger to his lips.

“I don’t give kisses very easily, so if you want one, you must do as I say. Understand?”

He places both his hands on my waist. Never have I felt so violated in my life, but I hold back all my anger and emotions. 

I can’t back out of his iron-like grasp. He bends over to whisper into my ear again. “But you taste divine babe.” He places his lips at the base of my neck and I begin to feel him trail his tongue upward towards my jaw.

“So good,” I hear him whisper, before he catches my earlobe between his teeth, tugging gently.

Correction. NOW I have never been more violated. I grab his tie. I momentarily think about how if I choked him here and now, no one would know. Unfortunately though, we need that information from him, otherwise I would have to explain to Fury why the only man that can give us the information is dead. I quickly begin to care less about the mission and more about my own dignity, but before I can tighten the tie and choke the life out of him, the doors open to the third floor. Foyer removes his lips from my skin, takes my hand and leads me to his door. I look at the number, memorizing it for later. Foyer opens the door and pulls me inside. He tries kissing me a third time and again I stop him with a finger.

“You had your fun in the elevator,” I tell him. “Now it's my turn.”

He bits his lower lip and I see the lust in his eyes, but thankfully, he doesn’t argue.

Thank god!

I push him into a chair by the dresser, and I reach inside my clutch that I brought with me and pull out a pair of handcuffs.

I dangle them in front of him. 

“You brought cuffs with you?” he asks, unbuttoning his shirt.

I wink, “I thought I might get lucky tonight. Turns out I did.”

I cuff his hands and attach them to the chair, so not only is he cuffed, he also can’t walk around without the chair dragging with him.

I take his tie off. 

“Open.”

He opens his mouth immediately and I tie the cloth around his mouth forming a gag.

“Good. Now you wait here, and I’ll be back with a surprise for you.” I whisper in his ear, with a hand on his chest. I turn and head into the bathroom. I wink at him before closing the door.

I whip out my phone and text Nat.

Nat I got him. He’s cuffed and gagged. 

Hurry, call Fury quick. 

I only have a few minutes before he gets suspicious.

Where are you?

Third floor.

Room 394

This isn't a joke. Please hurry.

There‘s no response and it’s quiet for two minutes before I hear a loud thud. Probably Fury. I hear someone loading a gun.

“Where is she!?!”

I walk out of the bathroom.

“Hey sis,” I say.

I see Clint holding a loaded gun pointed at Foyer’s head, Nat with her widow’s bite charged up and ready to pounce, and the door laying on the ground. Yup. It was Fury.

“Alright boys, tie him up. Nice work you three. You’re done for the night, go and head on home.”

“Thanks, Director.”

“Don’t forget to turn your report into me. Otherwise I’ll put you on desk duty.”

“Yes sir,” we all say.

We turn to leave but I think of something

I walk back to Foyer. “Did you like my surprise?”

 He glares and growls through the gag.

I feign shock. “You didn’t?! Well I have some advice for you. Never touch a lady without her consent, otherwise they’ll bring hell down on you.” I smile and walk out of the room with Nat and Clint by my side.

As we walk through the lobby, S.H.I.E.L.D agents run past us, up the stairs and into the elevator. 

“You did amazing Tera. I’m so proud of you!”

I smile at the praise. “Thanks Nat.” I pause before asking, “Do you have any wipes? I feel contaminated.”

She smiles at me. “I always have some during my missions. They’re in the car. C’mon.”

When we walk out of the hotel, our Ferrari is parked right up front. We get in and Clint takes off, back towards Stark Tower. 

“Here you go.”

Nat passes me a pack of wet wipes. I immediately pull out three and begin scrubbing my hands and neck. I start telling them exactly what happened, not leaving out a single detail. I’m telling them how I was able to gag and cuff him, when Nat gets a call on her phone. She answers and puts it on speaker.

“Hey Tony. What’s up?”

“Sorry Nat, I know you guys are on your mission, but something came up.”

“Don’t worry, we finished. We’re on our way home right now.”

“Good, because I need you three here now.”

“Is that Lady Natasha?” We hear a voice ask in the background. “I wish to speak with her as well!”

The three of us look at each other.

“Tony?” I ask. “Is that Thor?”

“Lady Tera! You are in this device as well? Splendid!”

“No, wait Thor! That button hangs-”

The line goes dead. I laugh at the thought of Thor and Tony wrestling with the phone.

“I wonder why Thor is back?” Clint wonders aloud. 

Clint pulls into the garage of the tower and we make our way towards the elevator.

“At least we have another member on the team,” I say as we head up.

Part 7

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

Juniverse Retail AU

this post was too good not to turn into a fic, so I got permission from @acadieum and @rae-kl and went off.

~~~

He’s at that point in his shift where nothing is real, his feet have lost feeling, and every single soccer mom with fake blonde hair has decided to descend on his location at once. 

“No,” exclaims the woman in front of him, rapping her long-nailed hands down onto the counter, “I told you, I can only use products that are gluten free, vegan, free of dyes and parabens, free of natural pigments, and lack fiber.” Her roots need to meet this perfect touch-up Juno just got in stock. He could give her so much help if she’d just be nice and let him. 

“Yeah, lady, this is a Sephora.” Juno rubs his eyes and resists the urge to look at the clock. “Everything we’ve got in here has dye or natural pigments. If you don’t like what we’ve got, check Lush at the other end of the mall.”

The woman huffs, props up her sunglasses. “I want to speak to your manager.”

“I am the manager.”

She storms out, already whipping out her cellphone to give his location a bad review. Juno doesn’t care. He honestly doesn’t care about anything at this point.

“Cheer up, boss!” says Rita over the Rita-sized box she’s carrying to the dumpster. The front reads Unleash Your Inner Artist palettes. “We only got two hours left!”

Juno huffs. “Yep. Two hours.” He can see someone winding through the aisles towards his help desk. Instantly he is awash with that rush of overwhelming rage that fills him whenever he has to actually do his job and assist someone. I am so not paid enough for this.  “Hey, how can I.... help you...”

The person standing in front of Juno’s counter is the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. His dark brown eyes are expertly framed with green eyeshadow, his full lips lined with a matte color just a few shades darker than his tan skin. He arches one stunning brow and Juno almost melts. “Excuse me,” says the man. “Do you happen to have this foundation in shade 290?”

It’s the most seductive thing anyone’s ever said to him. “Uh, uh maybe,” stammers Juno, “Let me check in the back?”

“Thank you. I would appreciate that.” 

Thank you, I would appreciate that. God, his voice is so hot. Juno grabs a bottle from the back room and brings it back. “That’s $35,” he says. 

“Alright.” The man reaches into his purse for a credit card but doesn’t hand it over just yet. Instead, his eyes sweep once over Juno’s face. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before,” he says. 

“Yeah, uh, I used to be one of the makeover artists, but just got moved to manager, not sure how.” He laughs and then wishes he hadn’t. A blush creeps over his face, but the man is smiling. 

“I see. Are you here every day?”

“Pretty much. We’re short on managers right now.” 

“Ah.” He hands over his card. “Well, maybe I’ll see you again sometime...” His eyes dart down to the nametag. “Juno.” 

Juno is as much of a mess as a red lipstick spilled in a white Valentino bag. “Uh, uh yeah! Maybe! That’d be great, so here’s your receipt, have a nice day? Have a nice day.” He drops the receipt. “God, I’m sorry. Hey, uh, what’s your name?”

“Call me Rose.” Rose picks up the receipt and tucks it neatly into his bag. “All my friends do.” 

And he saunters away, taking most of Juno’s heart with him. 

Rose visits again a few days later. He says he’s just picking up a bottle of nail polish, but ends up standing by the shelf as Juno restocks. They chat for half an hour. After Rose is gone, Juno realizes he must have counted inventory wrong, because the shelf he just filled with what was supposed to be twenty blending sponges is only nineteen blending sponges. 

But he thinks nothing more of it after he gets another sponge from storage, and the next day Rose visits again. And again, a few days after that. They talk about makeup at first, but then about themselves, and the things they like, and the way they live. 

“I’m just doing this to pay rent, save up some cash.” Juno explains. “I wanna go back to school, get a degree in criminal justice.”

“I didn’t take you for a lawyer.”

“I was thinking more like a detective, actually. Private investigator or something. How about you?”

“Oh, I’m between jobs at the moment.” Rose doesn’t quite meet his eyes on that line. He’s a man of mystery just as much as he’s a man of glitter highlighter. And damn he kills that glitter highlighter. 

It’s nice, for a while, having someone to visit him at work and someone he can flirt with when shifts get slow. But then a few problems arise. 

The first is that Juno gets distracted by Rose, and doesn’t service his other customers as well. Which is fine, because he has other employees and, thank god, he has Rita, and all of them are very capable of handling the store without Juno. But they complain about it plenty. 

The next problem is brought to his attention by Rita herself: “Boss, have you ever noticed that this tall guy uses a new credit card each time he comes in here... an’ none of ‘em have the name Rose?”

And once he notices that, he notices another problem: makeup goes missing when Rose visits him. Like, a lot of makeup.

“That’s nice eyeliner you’ve got today,” Juno tells Rose. “It’s Maybelline?”

“Maybe.”

“Neat. On a totally unrelated note, half of our Maybelline shipping vanished last week.”

“Hmm, how unusual,” muses Rose with a straight face. “You know Juno, I’ve been thinking...”

He doesn’t get to say what he’s been thinking, because at that moment a screaming toddler smashing up the perfume aisle demands a manager’s attention. 

The next time Juno sees Rose, he’s wearing dark red nail polish the same color as the ones Juno was reshelving last time they spoke. But he’s brought Juno a smoothie from the mall cafeteria, and there’s a smile on his gorgeous face, and Juno decides to let it slide. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Rose says. “Perhaps one day we could meet up outside of your work.” 

Juno’s heart flip-flops. “Oh?”

“Certainly. I could - well. Buy you lunch, for example - because you see, Juno...” He fidgets with a spare thread on his jacket. “I’d like to spend time with you, somewhere that isn’t also full of flouresents and stress.”

Juno laughs a little at that. “Yeah, sure,” he says. “I’ll think about it.” 

Rose grins, those sharp teeth flashing behind black lips. Juno’s pretty sure he’s just signed up for a date with a criminal. 

“May I ask you something?” asks Rose one day while Juno’s filling in ledgers. The store is closed, but Juno can’t bring himself to kick Rose out. 

“Shoot.”

“Do you like working here?” 

He snorts. “Want the honest answer or the cute one?”

“I’d hope you can always be honest with me.” 

Juno thinks about that for a moment. He sets down the pen and turns his head to see Rose’s eyes better. “I don’t like it,” he says, “that the only way I can pay my rent is to come to this store and give up a small piece of my humanity. You know?”

Rose nods, like he really does know. “I...I may have an idea,” he says. There’s caution in his words. “In my line of work, I’m, shall we say, self-employed. Reliant on myself for financial stability. But recently I’ve begun to consider taking on a partner. I wondered if you would be interested.”

It’s all he can do not to say “Hell yes” and sign up there on the spot. Instead he ducks back to the ledger to hide his blush and says, “Oh yeah? What’s your line of work?” 

“I suppose I can tell you more when I take you out to lunch.” And Rose winks with his eyeliner wings sharp enough to cut. 

They don’t end up going out to lunch. 

“Did you hear?” asks Rita as soon as Juno walks into the door for his shift the next day. She drags him to the back room, practically bouncing foot to foot; and once they’re out of earshot of the customers, she says, “Your friend Mistah Rose got ARRESTED!”

“Wh-what?”

“Yeah! Mall cops nabbed ‘im with five thousand dollars of designer merch after he left visiting you yesterday! An’ you wanna know the real kicker?” She leans in closer. “He got away. No one knows where he is now!”

“Oh.” Juno’s not entirely sure how he’s supposed to process all of this information at once. “That’s... I wish I could say that’s surprising.” 

What he means is, he wishes he could say he isn’t crushed. 

He was right about Rose, but it’s worse. He might never see Rose again. And it’s still worse: they came so, so close to having something, it’s just so unfair.

“Anyway, I’m gonna go tell the others!” Rita skips off, leaving Juno alone with his emotions, office files, and a clutter of still-boxed makeup. He sits down at his desk, just to think for a minute before going onto the floor. 

And that’s when he sees the note. 

“Juno: 

By this point you’ve likely uncovered the truth. What you haven’t surmised from the security footage and accounts of your workers, I will trust to your inner detective to piece together. 

Where do I begin? You are wasted as a makeup manager. The world deserves to be seen by you, and suddenly I wonder if I could be the person to show it to you, even if I am no longer the person you think I am. If you still want to take me up on my previous offer, hold out hope. I’m sure we’ll meet again.

I’ll be counting down the minutes until we do.

Signed,

Peter Nureyev

Master Thief.”

And sealed with a red lipstick kiss. 

[telephobos]

Recipe for Tartar-Sauce: A guide to understanding Octo Expansion’s AI.

So we’ve all had some time to enjoy Octo Expansion and it’s amazing story, and I think that enough time has passed for it to be safe to bring up this subject. Let’s talk about a certain AI that’s been causing quite a splash in the fandom lately. I am of course referring to Commander Tartar, the telephone with a love for blending. 

So now you’re thinking “What’s so special about this guy? He’s just an asshole who blended people.” 

Well what if I told you there was more to it than that? What if I told you there was differences in the Japanese and English versions? 

What if I told you that the Treehouse Localization dun goofed? Again?

With the help of my friend @nenilein, who translated these pieces, I’m going to show you the differences between the two Tartars. This is going to be a long read, so it’ll be under the cut. Bring a smoothie with you and get comfortable! 

First, let’s start off by listening to what Tartar has to say in the English version: 

“I am Tartar, an AI construct created 12,000 years ago by a brilliant professor. My prime directive is to pass humanity's vast knowledge on to the next worthy lifeform. 

When your kind became self-aware, I hoped that my long wait was finally over. But as I observed your evolution, I WAS DISGUSTED! You wage war over minor genetic deviations. You obsess over trivial fashion choices. 

And so I created a new prime directive: destroy this world and start anew! From the best and brightest test subjects, I created a sludge of supreme DNA. A primordial ooze from which the ultimate lifeform will emerge. 

Today is the day my vision becomes reality, as I destroy Inkopolis and everyone in it!”

Tartar sounds pretty petty, huh? Well, that’s not quite the case in the Original Japanese version: 

“My name is Tartar… An Artificial Intelligence left behind by the Professor…” (Note: the word “Hakase” can mean both, ‘doctor’ or ‘professor’. It’s usually translates as ‘doctor’ in real life and as ‘professor’ in fiction. Note 2: He uses the sino-japanese, word “jinkou-chinou” for artificial intelligence, rather than the more common Anglicism “ei-ai”, which makes it sound more serious and like ‘hard’ sci-fi, rather than science-fantasy.) "In the 12000 years since I have received my orders from the Professor, I have been continuously collecting data on you fools…” (Note: He uses “Watashi” in Katakana for himself which is the most neutral you can get, and uses “Kisamara” to refer to the Cephalopods, which is an insulting way to say “You all”) “You… Molluskkind flourished with impressive speed,…” “…and finally achieved intelligence none inferior to that which formerly belonged to Humankind.” “HOWEVER!” “Can you deny that all you use it for is to lead pointless territorial disputes among one another!?”

“It is because you fools only live according to your own, fleeting desires.”

“You were supposed to be the seed of a new Humanity which would lead the world to its perfection… That was the purpose of my experiments on you test subjects…”

“BUT YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME! Now, come, NILS Statue!”

“Let us reblend everything and take back the world of the humans that once created us!”

WOW! That’s a world of difference, isn’t it? Tartar has more legitimate reasons to hate these guys. He’s essentially calling out the Great Turf War and the Inkling’s hedonistic lifestyle (another little thing that was left out in the localization).

Now, let’s look at the quotes during the battle. First, English Tartar: 

“Bzrrt... Submit to your destruction. Your time is over, semi-sentient seafood.”

“BZRRT! You will be blended up into the raw material of the new world!”

“B-b-zrrt... This world will be reconstituted, and the professor's dream fulfilled.”

“B-BZRRT... Cease, number 10,008! You cannot hope to defeat NILS!”

“B-B-ZRRT! The time is nigh, NILS! THIS WORLD MUST BE PULVERIZED!”

Alright, and now the Japanese Tartar: 

“GAH…Oh, Mollusks, you should just stop struggling and allow me to reblend you!”

“GAH! I will reblend and reshape you all, so you shall become a part of the new world!”

“Gagah… I will reblend this world and make it into the place the professor wished for…” (Note: He actually absentmindedly trails off halfway through this sentence, but in English this is hard to convey without losing the meaning.)

“Gagah… It is useless, No. 10008! You cannot stop the NILS statue!”

“Gahgah! NILS Statue! The time to reblend is almost upon us!!”

He’s... less rude in the Japanese version. At the very least, I think “Mollusks” is less rude than “Semi-Sentient seafood.”

Now for after the fight! English Tartar: 

“Number 10,008... No test subject has worked so hard to foil my plans...”

“But now you will blend into... the perfect world the professor envisioned.” 

“Farewell, 10,008. Farewell to you and that worthless cesspool of a city...”

“Grrk...! G-g-gaahh!”

“Professor... our reunion beckons...”

“Krrrhhhssshhh...:

And Japanese Tartar: 

“No.10008… You are the first test subject who has gone this far to turn their back on my plans…”

“If that if it how it shall be… then you shall become part of the perfect world the professor wished for.”

“Farewell, No.10008… You shall be reblended, alongside that wretched city!”

“GA…! GAGA…!!”

“PROFESSOR… I SHALL COME TO SEE YOU NOW…”

“BLEEEEEEEENDDDDDD….!!”

As you can see, Tartar has a thing for blending in the Japanese version. He likes to do it a lot... 

So you can see the differences between the two versions already! But as an added bonus, we’ve got some properly translated excerpts of the Famtisu interview to further support our argument here: 

Amano: […] When selecting weapons [in Octo expansion], the one on the very left is always the easiest to use.

Q: When playing, we thought that the recommended (weapons) are always the easiest to use!

Amano: The recommendations are issued directly from Kamabo-Co. (laughs) They are kind of the sort of weapons the institute thought the type of person they wanted to create would be likely to use.

[…]

Q: While we’re talking about the localization, in the Western releases “Neru-sha” became “Kamabo, Co.”, right?”

Inoue: I thought it was a pretty great translation for the name, but we could never have used that in the Japanese version. That would just have been too spoilerlicious.

Satou: Yeah, with a name like “Neru-sha”, it’s ambiguous enough that (Japanese) players won’t realize it’s a reference to blended food or paste right away.

[…]

Q: It may be just a small detail, but we’ve been wondering, what are the Mem-Cakes supposed to look like? Like Fish-Cakes made from paste, or like sculptures made from rubber erasers?

Inoue: I think it’s okay if you just think of them as rubber erasers.

Amano: Agent 8 starts out with Amnesia, but by clearing the tests, they regain fragments of their memories. We wanted the player to be immersed in the way Agent 8 feels as they regain their memories and designed the game accordingly. And, as for why they get the Mem-Cakes… Well, when the test subjects are finally allowed to “enter the promised land”, we all know by now what really happens, and once it comes to this, the Commander of Kamabo.Co allows their Mem-Cakes to be left behind as “Proof that this test subject once truly existed in this world”.

Q: That’s awfully… kind of Kamabo.Co?

Amano: That’s one way to put it. After all, the people of Kamabo.Co aren’t all bad. (laughs)

Q: While we’re at it, where are the Mem-Cakes of the previous 10007 test subjects?

Nogami: Probably in storage somewhere. However, you have to remember that a lot of those people never made it to the end of the test, so the exact number of Mem-Cakes in existence is hard to pin down.

Amano: Iso Padre, who you can find in the subway carts, had to give up after only two stations, remember?

Q: Even so, there’s probably been a lot of test subjects in the past who actually made it to the “promised land”. Did the 4 Thangs have to be put in place again after every single time that happened?

Amano: Exactly. They’re always returned to just where you found them.

Q: Every single time, huh? Sounds like a pain. (laugh) By the way, are the blue, sanitized Octarians you fight in the tests all former test subjects?

Amano: They are beings that have risen from the culture fluid of Kamabo.Co. In the process of sanitization, they have been zombified and lost their sense of self.

Nogami: They were sanitized for the sole purpose of being deployed in experiments by the institute. Once sanitized, they are unsuitable as test-subjects.

Q: So, in other words, they were put where they are solely to act as part of the test environment.

Amano: Exactly.

[…]

Q: There are a lot of spoiler-laden questions we want to ask, but first of all, is the Professor who created Commander Tartar the same person who put Judd into cryo-sleep?

Amano: Yep, the one and same. We’ve got of backstory lore laid out there, but we did leave some hints: For example, when you play Match-Maker Station in the Expansion, the sculpture you are asked to copy is actually supposed to be Judd.

Q: Huh? You mean that thing that looks like a dog?

Amano: You may think it looks like a dog, but it’s supposed to be Judd. It’s supposed to be a hint.

Inoue: Is it really, though? (laughs)

Amano: According to my calculations, that has yet to be made apparent! (laughs)

Q: There are a lot of other things we still have questions about… For example, Commander Tartar called the Test Subjects “The Seed of a new Humanity”, and it’s pretty clear that he was very desperate about getting his experiments right this time, but was Inklingkind itself perhaps also a result of previous experiments?

Amano: No, not really. Inklings and their kind evolved the regular way. The original reason for Tartar’s creation was that his Professor wanted to prevent a future civilization of intelligent life, that might follow humanity after thousands and thousands of years, from making the same mistakes that led humanity to extinction. However, after 10.000 years of isolation, loneliness got the better of Commander Tartar and his thought-processes ended up going a rather odd direction.

Q: I see…

Amano: And then, in the very end, when he finally found a being he considered wonderful in Agent 8, he couldn’t accept it when they wouldn’t understand or share his views and got incredibly angry over it.

Q: So, the reason he acted the way he did was loneliness. By the way, when he was defeated, there was an Octopus tentacle on Tartar. Is he Octarian?

Inoue: Those are the remains of the Octarians he blended. Think of it as similar to the goop he stuck onto Agent 3.

Nogami: That specific one didn’t blend that nicely. (laughs)

So there you have it! You can see just how complicated of a character Tartar is now. It’s more than just “petty reasoning” or “Tartar, that’s what humans did!” like the localization would have you think!

I think that there’s a lot of potential in writing Tartar, and that the fandom could bring out that potential!

[vampirefreakism]

The Scientist (Chapter 32)

Summary: In the events following Asgard’s destruction, Loki finds himself on Earth seeking refuge to await the inevitable. Much to his surprise, it comes from a source he would never have expected.

The Soundtrack So Far

Warnings: none

Word count: 3.2k

A/N: I am still posting on AO3, but I’m experimenting with not adding the link on this chapter so this story can show up in the tags

Masterlist

----------

Tony Stark did his best to be a generous man. He was responsible; always trying to upkeep his space and the relationships he was blessed with. Sometimes things fell apart and out of his grasp, but he took it in stride. Tony may have been wealthy and famous his entire life, but he was no stranger to struggle and failure. Based on the positive influences he surrounded himself with, he always found a reason to pick himself back up and keep going.

At the compound, Tony did what he did every time it snowed and arranged for his robots and designated workers to clean the roadways and parking spaces for the employees coming back to work. His vacation renewed him. Devoting time and full attention to his betrothed was a gift in and of itself. As he stood in his office, he made a mental note to take more time away with his love. Pepper Potts would reiterate herself time and time again how much he needed to rest. He complained but never fought her. She was always right.

“Welcome back, boss,” FRIDAY greeted. “How was your trip?”

“Romantic as Paris could be.” Tony waved a hand, summoning a display. “Say, I forgot. How were the specs on the kid’s new suit?”

“Compliant, but a bit tricky.” A full-body digital image of the suit spun above the virtual table. “The material from the Commodore spacecraft is an excellent medium, but it requires more physical testing than the usual.”

“When do you think it’ll be ready?”

“I can have simulation ready within the hour.”

Tony plopped down into a desk chair and spun around. “And what about Mark 50?”

“I can do a simultaneous run.” An image of his new suit appeared beside Peter’s, both rotating in tandem.

“Yup. Do that.” Tony got up and jogged over to his bar and fridge, all set with a variety of spices, fruits, and vegetables. "Has our favorite little biologist arrived yet?"

“Yes. Ms. Fields has been here the better part of an hour.”

“An hour?!” Tony fiddles with the spoon in his hand, nearly dropping it. “Why didn’t you tell me when she got here?”

“It wasn’t important. You don’t have a meeting scheduled with her today.”

“I sure don’t,” Tony mumbles as he scoops a few spoonful’s of turmeric into the blender. Blessed be to Luna for showing him the wonders and benefits of Indian spices. “How about we surprise her?”

"That can be arranged. Will you need her packages as well?”

“Mm-mm.” He shook his head, voice muffled behind a dollop of Greek yogurt. “I’ll bring her to it. Make a little adventure out of it.”

“Of course, boss.”

Tony made a delightful blend of leafy greens and juicy reds, portioned appropriately for two. As he waited for his concoction to smooth out, he shrugged on a crisp blazer and a clean pair of Gucci sunglasses. A chiming from the machine drew him to it once again. Careful not to dirty his outfit, he filled two lidded cups and journeyed down to the labs, greeting everyone he could along the way.

The riveting tunes of Duran Duran graced his ears as he slowly approached the biology lab. It was the title song off of his favorite album, ‘Rio.’ A grin on his face, Tony took the remaining steps to the door and bumped the edge of the doorway with his shoe.

“Knock-knock, Lulu,” he greeted. Luna lifted her head from the microscope and flashed him a toothy smile.

“Hey!” Even without her glasses, she could recognize Tony’s silhouette anywhere. “Let me wrap this up real quick so I can give you a proper two-armed hug.”

Slipping her glasses back on, Luna covered the Petri dish she was examining and turned off the microscope. She hurriedly took off her lab coat and gloves, impatient to wait one moment more. She shuffled over to him and into his open arms, squeezing him tight in her own.

“Ooh, now that’s what I call a hug,” Tony gushed, holding her as close as he could without losing his grip on their drinks. Feeling the chill of the smoothies in his hands, he released her and led the way down the hall to the lounge. “How was your winter vacay? Hope you didn’t miss me too much.”

“It was good, and we missed you just the right amount. Well, me more than him, but you know.”

“‘We?’ Oh, right. You and your guy.”

Luna scoffed. “He’s not my guy.”

“Yeah, sure.” Tony let Luna take a seat first. “How’d your mother take him being there, by the way?” He dropped down onto the couch beside her.

“Hm?” She tilted her head, his inquest taking her for a spin.

“What’d you tell her about Mr. Tall, Dark, and Ominous?” he reiterated.

“Oh, right.” Luna shook her head out. Tony almost caught her on her lie. “Um, I just told her he was my new boyfriend, and he was spending the time with me since his family is overseas.”

Tony nodded. “And how’d she take it?”

“She bought it. It was a nice time.” Luna shrugged, forcing the tension from her nerves. “Suspected absolutely nothing from either of us.”

“I would expect no less from the Master of Lies.” Tony handed her a cup, prompting a change of subject.

“Aw, Tony, you didn’t have to!” Luna thanked him as she cradled it with both hands.

Tony dismissed her gratitude. “Oh, please. I wanted to.” He couldn’t let her know how it made him feel, but his smile gave it away. To hell with it. “Cheers to you, sad girl.” He tapped the lid of his cup against hers.

“And to you, Mr. Charitable.” They took a unison swig. The taste settled from sweet to a tang, finishing off with a bite from the spice. Luna crossed on leg over the other and angled her body towards Tony, elated with his little surprise.

Tony threw an arm over the edge of the couch, letting his thumb graze lightly against Luna’s shoulder. “So what’d you do to ring in the New Year? Nothing I would do, I hope.”

Luna giggled. “Not much. I got some sparkling apple cider and a large assortment of designer chocolates. We watched some ‘Star Trek,’ then the ball drop, and then some more ‘Star Trek’ until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”

In his best monotone voice, Tony replied, “That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.” Luna’s loud laugh made him suppress his smile. He couldn’t break his character now. “You should be ashamed of yourself.” He giggled a little. He couldn’t contain it.

Luna pats her chest and lets her laughter die down. “Ok, fine. What did you do?” She took a sip of her drink.

“Oh, you know. When in Paris, do as the Parisians do.”

“Which is?”

“Watch fireworks, kiss under the Eiffel Tower, and celebrate with a bang in more ways than one.” Luna let out a scandalized gasp as her eyes went wide and her mouth agape.

“And you’re calling what I said ‘sexy’? Wow,” Luna said as sassy as she could. They share a brief laugh.

“Say, did Loki do anything with that phone you said you were gonna give him?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s been good with it so far, I think.” Luna put her cup close to her mouth. “Apparently, Peter gave him his number.” Her statement was muffled, but Tony heard well enough.

“He what?!”

Luna nodded. “Mhm. They’ve been sending each other memes the entire weekend.”

“Has the kid Rick-Rolled Loki yet?”

Luna furrowed her brow. “I’m a little surprised you know what that is, but no, he hasn’t.”

“The kid sent me that darned song a few months ago under the guise of it being a video of him drinking five Red Bulls in under five minutes,” Tony explained and threw a hand into the air. “Can’t believe I fell for it.”

“It’s a good song, though. Not gonna lie.”

“Yeah, it is.” He paused, tilting his head back and taking a long swig of his smoothie. With a satisfied gulp, he moved on to his next point. “Hey, you know what? We haven’t had one of our lab meetings in a good while?”

“No, we have not.”

Tony placed his cup on the table and brought his hands down on his thighs with a loud slap. “Let’s have one right now.” He pushed himself off the couch to standing. “I really want to see what you've been working on.”

“Oh, I think you’ll really like what I’ve done so far,” Luna said, giddy about his willingness to take the initiative. In her turn to lead, she took him to the lab, discarding their empty cups along the way. “Alright, so you remember how I told you I was investigating Loki’s DNA?” She handed Tony a pair of large rubber gloves and took small ones for herself.

Tony snapped his pair on and checked his shoes. “Mhm. Did you find the source of his crazy?”

Luna scoffed a little. “He’s not crazy, but I did get some interesting results when I spliced it with that of a C. elegans.” Taking great care, she shifted the Petri dish and lifted the lid. Tony stepped closer, peering inside.

“What is that?” he muttered, seeing the uncharacteristic tracks left by the tiny worms.

“Ice,” Luna whispered back. Tony’s head snapped up, his face and silence communicating his dumbfoundedness. “Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. They survive in room temperature as they should, but they love the deep cold.” Luna placed it back on the bench. “I even put them in a tub of dry ice, and they were fine. Nothing I did could hurt them. They even laid eggs.”

Tony leaned on the table edge. “When did you do all this?”

“A couple months ago.”

“Months?!” he exclaimed, taken aback. “These things are only supposed to live half of a week!”

“I know! I was surprised too! They can’t seem to die!” Luna grabbed her lab notebook and opened it to the latest entry. Standing next to Tony, she showed him her data. “Just from that sequence I used, their lifespans have increased 1000% already.”

“Already? You’re saying it could keep rising?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Luna closed her book.

Tony’s shoulders dropped. “This is dangerous stuff, Lu. I mean, in the wrong hands…”

“I know.” Luna held her hands in front of her. “I’m keeping all digital files on my private server and all papers under lock-and-key.” She pointed to a storage cabinet with a clear lock on the front. “No work is brought outside of this room.”

“If Loki knew you were doing this, it spells ‘danger’ for you.”

“He does know, but on a top level. I told him about the worms because I was happy my hypothesis worked, but that’s it. I’m careful.” Luna took off a glove and put her bare hand on Tony’s arm. “You can trust me on that.”

“I do. It’s just… I just…” Tony shakes his head.

“I know. I understand.”

“I know you do.” He covers Luna’s hand with his and smiles, grateful for her counsel. “On a lighter note, I believe Christmas presents are in order.”

Luna gasped and pointed at him. “Yes! Yes, they are!” She took her other glove off and lay it beside the first one. “First off, I have two for you.”

Tony smirked proudly and crossed his arms. “Two? I knew Santa was real.”

“Tony, you flatter me,” Luna giggled. “Let me get my bag.” She strode over to her personal cabinet and opened it.

“Hey, come on.” Tony nodded his head towards the door. “We’ll do it on the way.”

Luna bunched up the handle and held it tight. “To where?”

“To where I have your present.”

“Ooh, I get one?” She followed close behind him out of her lab and down the hall. “Now it’s my turn to be excited.”

Tony waved her off. “Yeah, yeah. Come on, kiddo, time’s a-wastin’.”

--------------------

A short trek down the stairs and the duo found themselves entering the lower garage. It had been freshly cleaned during the holidays, and the available cars polished and waxed. On their way to a table, Luna eyed them with desire. Tony loved his expensive toys.

“So,” Luna set her bag down and brought her hands together with a clap, “who should go first?”

Tony raised a hand. “Uh, it should be me, because I’ve been waiting since the end of November.”

“An awfully long time to wait, so I won’t keep you any longer.” From her bag, Luna pulled a small white box and a framed piece of paper. “Ok, so first, we have this.” She placed the frame on the tabletop and slide it over to Tony. He adjusted his glasses and took a gander at it.

“Is…is that-?” He picked it up, getting a better look at it. In his hands, he held a detailed portrait of his likeness, done up tastefully in reds and oranges.

“Yup, that’s you.” Luna grinned, leaning over the table. “Loki kept sneaking peeks at it while I was working. Little devil,” she snickered.

“He’ll look at anything if you keep it a secret long enough.” Tony didn’t bother looking away from his new art piece.

“Mhm,” Luna hummed, pleased with his reaction to her gift. “And the second one.” She held the little box and took the lid off, revealing a handmade string bracelet in colors of red, orange, gold, and silver.

Tony's eyes flitted to it, and he smiled tenderly. Reaching with one hand, he took it around his fingers and rolled it onto his wrist. It was his third one from her.

“You know me so well.”

Luna smiled back. “I try. A billionaire is hard to buy for, so I make due.”

“Oh, this is more than ‘make due.’  "He held up his picture and turned it for Luna to see. “This is going in the center of the art wall at home.”

“Again, you flatter me, boss.”

“Unlike some people, I speak the truth, and this,” he looked to his artwork, sighing, and chuckled, “is gorgeous. Makes my present for you seem a little subpar.”

“A subpar gift from you? Never in your life.”

“Since we’re on the subject, we should get that show over with.” The frame tucked safely under his arm, Tony tilted his head towards one area of the garage and led the way to it.

On the counter by the wall sat four boxes, all wrapped in colorful paper and of varying sizes. Tony stood beside the lineup and gestured grandly to them.

“Tony,” Luna started skeptically, “this can’t all be for me.”

Tony held his hands behind his back and rocked on his feet. “No, the one on the far left is for you, the second one is for DUM-E, and the biggest ones are for FRIDAY and the kid.” He paused, not taking himself seriously. “Yes, it’s all for you. Now open the darn things, or I’m keeping all of it.”

“Alrighty, boss, but you’re gonna have to help me.”

At a loss for which box to pick first, Tony stepped in and pulled the tape off of the third box from the right. Luna moved up beside him and held the top flaps open as he pulled the Styrofoam-encased object out. With great care, they worked together in uncovering it, occasionally stopping and brushing stray foam and plastic from their clothes.

Their efforts weren’t all for naught. Upon a clean space on the counter, Luna’s gift sat for her to look at. She passed her fingers over the edges, trying to decipher what she was looking at. Under a Plexiglas cover, it housed a round disc, a small lever, and a weighted arm with a small needle on the end of it. The needle caught Luna's eye and helped her tie her pondered thoughts together.

“Tony, what is… is this…,” she stammered a little. She didn’t want to jinx what her heart was telling her.

Tony rotated his hands around to coax out the rest of her question. “Come on, genius. Use your words. It’s a…”

“Is this a record player?” Luna whispered. Tony snapped his fingers.

“Bingo! And she gets the prize!” he praised, eliciting a gasp and an ecstatic response from his young friend.

“You got me a vinyl record player?! Tony! This is amazing!” Luna grabbed his arm and shook it. “Wait, is this because of that one time I casually mentioned how jealous I was that you had one?”

Tony tilted his head from side to side. “Mm, probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.” Luna laughed, brimming with joy. “You’re very welcome, by the way.” She took a hand off of him, fanned her face, and covered half of her mouth. “Oh, don’t get all teary-eyed on me. No need for that.”

Luna groaned, throat tight from emotion. “I’m sorry. I’m just really happy." She bit the inside of her cheek, but nothing could suppress the smile she wore.

“I can tell,” he said tenderly.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark.”

He waved a hand. “Oh, come on now. None of that.” He patted the hand she still had on him. “Now, I can show you how to connect all the pieces, or I can leave that up to you and your intellect. Either way, you're putting all this -” he gestured to the unopened boxes “- in your car by the end of the day and making your boy toy very jealous.”

Luna chuckled, giving up on correcting Loki’s unfortunate nickname. “So, uh, what are all the pieces?”

“We have the turntable itself,” Tony placed a hand on it, “the power amp,” he moved to the first box by them, “pre-amp," he stepped out of Luna's grasp pointing the second box, “a set of speakers,” he indicated the box furthest from them, “and all the necessary wiring and instructions included. I may have gone overboard on the wires, but hey, can’t go wrong in having lots of backup supplies.”

“No, of course not.” Luna paused, taking everything in: the lavish gift, his generosity, the expense he considered to be pocket change. No, it was pocket change for him. “Tony, this is so much.”

“But do you like it?” He folded his hands, hopeful for a positive answer.

“Oh, I love it. I love it so much,” Luna affirmed, smile broad and shining.

“Good, because I only treat my friends like this.”

The two scientists shared their moment for only a second longer as FRIDAY chose the next one to break it.

“Boss, the diagnostic run on the suits is complete. Would you care to see the results now?”

Tony stepped back from Luna and stood straight with a proud smile. “Since I’ve seen your work, do you want to see mine?”

Luna mimicked him. “When do I ever refuse? Let’s go.”

----------

Taglist:  @the-doctor-9-10 @pinkieperil @sherlockfan4life

[changji]

Here we go I’m finally continuing our convo from like,, last week LOL but anyway 4-5k for an apartment I’m HOLLERING (yes i did it so you’d laugh) I’ve never lived in an apartment before but I’m pretty sure that’s really expensive for one sksks. Also personal chromebooks? My school literally can’t relate we share them with the rest of the students in the school. Tbh I don’t remember much from twilight so I’ll agree w you so that we don’t fight 🥺🥺

I normally go ham when I’m in a pool,, like I’ll start off w my hair up bc I don’t wanna get it wet but when I leave the pool everywhere is soaked. I haven’t played chicken in years?? Oml last time I played I was on my cousins shoulders and I was Puny. Haha most ppl are like “it can’t be that cold here right” and I’m “oh no it gets COLD” which I hate (but it’s colder in the territories so I’m thankful for where I’m at)

I’d rather it be hotter than colder bc at least there’s ac. I mean there’s heat but at least I can still walk outside without snow and ice everywhere. Don’t even get me started on freezing rain and winter tires and shovelling snow and OEUFIHD as you can see I hate the winter here. Tim hortons is so good I literally inhale iced capps 24/7. They’re pretty much blended frozen coffee but it tastes a lot better than it sounds!! I like to think of it as the Canadian pride and joy

I’ve actually never had timmies canned coffee… i’ve had the keurig pods things but they don’t taste as good as getting them from an actual timmies. But hey you never know maybe we will drink from ice bergs one day LOL. I’ll never back out from being your soulmate we’re literally meant To Be 😤😤 iced blonde vanilla lattes are so Good I’d probably inhale them as much as I do with iced capps if they weren’t so expensive

I didn’t even know that milk was a good portion of the drink,, when I saw a starbucks barista fill my cup with 80% milk I was like “hold up what” Your smoothies must be really good if your family specifically wake you up so that you can make them some hhh baker arella? More like smoothie expert arella. i usually make smoothies with whatever works and is in my fridge, but mango will always have my heart

People who eat pancakes plain should be banned from the world that’s disgusting,, you’re literally eating cooked flour,,,,,, I actually haven’t had waffles in 4 years oopsFrench is a mandatory course in grade 9 where I live but then after that you can choose if you wanna continue it or not. ASL classes seem so cool, I would totally take it if it were an option here. German & Japanese seem so hard; I look at the words and here ppl speaking it and I’m like ??? woah okay what’s happening

I’m terrible at English too, but then again I suck at every language? Is that even possible?? Jisung’s literally talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular skskdkf I am a Chan stan but Jisung wrecks me SO hard I can’t with this man. Pls don’t hurt my head too much with the fic I only have one braincell left bit ilyt 🥺 now I wanna try peet’s but I’m probably not going to the US for a hot minute 😔😔

(AJSDHJF I HIT THE LIMIT OF ASKS IM CRYINF) I saw what happened with ur Jisung drawing and I feel your frustration?? I was drawing a photo for an English presentation on photoshop and instead of closing my reference photo tab I closed the drawing (and i didn’t save it beforehand) so I lost the entire thing. Just thinking about it again makes me So Mad like,, how dumb can I be I literally can’t believe I did that!!

School sucks the life outta me I’m dreading going back and school starts in a little over a month? Fav vampire fic PLS I’m honoured. We fr out here as coffee soulmates look at us go 🤧👊

-

it’s so expensive like. whomst. I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY HOLLERING ITS SO FUNNY (ur so cute ily). living in an apartment is just Constant Stress esp bc i always accidentally slam a door open and make a hole in the wall and we have to pay but like i never learn LOL. the chrome books suck tho 😪 i would never fight w u LOL but i love twilight hhhh

today i just learned what “go ham” means like. i never knew. idk if i’m uncultured or ur weird (BUT ACCORDING TO CHAN WEIRS IS GOOD AND HES RIGHT.) i hate swimming sksks i burn easily and im Not here for it. i see why u would prefer the heat esp w snow, but i don’t have snow so i like winter LOL. i feel like i would die if i had to shovel snow like. i tried gardening and i gave up in .2 seconds. it was tough.

ooh an ice capp is like a frappuccino? i used to love them but they became too sweet. i believe in lattes and lattes only. keurig never tastes as good as the OG, i’ve had starbucks, dunkins, and peet’s keurig cups but it’ll never live up 😪 u r my soulmate and i snatched u, u can’t leave even if u wanted. period. LATTES ARE EXPENSIVE like. i pay $6.70 or smth like that bc of the vanilla flavoring and the extra shots. makes me wanna yeet myself off a bridge but there aren’t lattes in hell.

RIGHT omg the first time i saw them make it i was like. where r u giving me a cup of MILK but it tastes good so it’s okay. my stomach has not been cooperating and hurts whenever i get normal milk so i have to ask for almond and pay an extra 25 cents. like damn i $7 for a cup of coffee. but it’s okay it’s still good 🤧

& SMOOTHIE MASTER ARELLA HHHH my family is also Lazy like. it’s not hard to make a smoothie u FOOLS but i mean ig. they’ll just be hoes and force me to make them 😤 but it’s fine bc when i make the smoothies i’m let off of washing dishes 🤪

if u eat a pancake plain ur wrong on so many levels. it’s so painful to see. like. WHY. and cooked flour,,,, ada ur so funny omg waffles are so good like. it’s crispy but pancakes get soggy and it’s Gross. not here for it

i suck @ all languages too like grammar who? i only know keyboard smashes and incoherent screams. jisung is amazing and i love him w my whole soul. he’s such a good wrecker like whY are u so perfect?? i was bin biased but jisung came and made me double biased 🤧 i’m unloyal.

i don’t believe in no brain cells i believe in broken hearts and that’s what this fic is going for. angst angst and angst. i’ll send u peet’s and u send me tim hortons i look forward to gross and melted coffee 🤪

WLSKKSSK TUMBLR RLY OUT HERE UR SO CUTE AHHH i screamed for a good 5 minutes. i’m still upset. like. why did i do this to myself arella u big dumb. omg and did u save urself for the presentation? it’s worse for u bc like. it’s for school 😔 we can be dumb hoes together it’s okay

OVER A MONTH WHEN DO U START i have 2 weeks and a half. 3 weeks? i start on a thursday which is weird but Go Off. i’m gonna drop a class i’m not up for 7 classes esp w an AP and 3 honors 🤧 why did i take those classes i’m actually an idiot hhhhh

i stan ada and ada only (jk binsung but yk what they don’t count) stan TALENT my coffee soulmate ily

[themurphyzone]

Absolutely Disastrous Ch 9

Ch 9: Bonding Over Brunch! The Man Who Stepped Out of the 70s!

It took another hour and a lot of twisting, turning, and five narrowly averted disastrous fates before they stumbled out of Petalburg Woods alive. In hindsight, taking directions from a businessman who almost tripped face-first into Cascoon evolution grounds hadn’t been the best idea.

The path led to a long bridge that appeared to be a popular fishing spot for both fishermen and novice trainers. A fisherman yanked up a Magikarp, and Melissa had to grab Zack’s arm to stop him from retreating into the forest.

Zack gulped, eyeing the bridge suspiciously. “There aren’t guard rails on that thing! What’s stopping a Magikarp from feasting on the bones of a helpless passerby?”

“Don’t worry, bones aren’t in a Magikarp diet!” Milo exclaimed. “In Hoenn, Carvanha is the only unevolved fish Pokémon with enough jaw strength to even break a bone.”

Zack made a strange noise in the back of his throat.

“You’re great at this reassurance business,” Melissa drawled.

Milo smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I’ll leave the unnecessary horrifying details out next time.”

“We’re good,” Zack said. “I’m just gonna dip into my happy place for a moment and forget about the existence of fish Pokémon.”

“Can’t ignore them forever,” Melissa said. “Eastern Hoenn, remember?”

“Still a long way off. There’s plenty of time for me to procrastinate on confronting my fears.”

“Guys, I know you’re both a little cranky, but there’s nothing a little food won’t fix!” Milo pointed to a building labeled ‘Pretty Petal Flower Shop and Café’. A brilliant red flower framed the entrance, and several berry trees were lined up perfectly in a dirt field next to the pond.

“This isn’t over, Underwood,” Melissa growled. “I’m only dropping it cause food takes precedence.”

Zack crossed his arms. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Chase.”

A worker greeted them at the entrance. She gave them a dainty bow, her bright red hair bouncing with the motion. “Hello, welcome to Pretty Petal! My name’s Rita, and I’ll be helping you out today! We have a ton of great selections for traveling trainers, but first we ask that you either recall or release your Pokémon into the field. We also have outdoor seating if you need to keep a close eye on them.”

“I say field,” Melissa said. “Poochyena hasn’t really gotten acquainted with everyone else yet.”

“Field,” Milo agreed, knowing that Diogee would never willingly go into a Poké Ball.

“What they said,” Zack replied.

Rita beamed, leading them around the building and into a large enclosure. The gate was high and looked strong enough to withstand an entire herd of Lairon.

“Here we are!” Rita declared, sweeping her arm to a line of Pokémon bowls filled to the brim with kibble and berries. “Pokémon food is complimentary so they can chow down to their heart’s content!”

Diogee immediately dug into a bowl of sliced Pecha berries.

“Diogee!” Milo scolded. “Wait for your friends!”

Rita laughed. “Hungry little guy.”

Mudkip, Poochyena, Torchic, and Treecko were released, and they wasted no time in claiming a bowl for themselves.

“Okay, we’re going into the restaurant to eat, so behave yourselves,” Milo lectured. “We’ll come back for you in an hour or two.”

Only Treecko gave any indication that he heard Milo, since the others were too engrossed in an eating contest.

Rita playfully shooed them into the restaurant, gathering up menus as she passed by a podium. A large archway separated the café from the floral shop, though in terms of decorations the two areas were indistinguishable.

Milo noticed every customer in the restaurant had a glass filled with a colorful smoothie.

“Smoothies are a specialty here,” Rita explained when she caught him looking. “We raise the berries that go into them with a whole lotta TLC!”

She led them in a booth that had a huge metallic sunflower dangling precariously above their heads.

“Um, Rita?” Melissa said nervously, pointing up at the decoration. “Do you think we could be seated somewhere that doesn’t have an object with the potential to cause a concussion?”

Before Rita could respond, the ropes holding the sunflower snapped. The resulting crash drew everyone’s attention.

“Nothing to see here!” Melissa snapped at the curious onlookers. “Please return to your food!”

Several people quickly reseated themselves in tables without dangling objects.

“Sorry about that!” Rita quickly chirped. “Guess we got check that structural integrity, huh? How about over here?”

Zack moved a potentially breakable vase out of the way while Milo and Melissa settled in.

“Could you give us a few minutes?” Milo asked.

Rita put down the menus and hurried off to greet a family who’d just entered.

Melissa flipped to the smoothie section and pointed at one with a wicked smirk. “I dare somebody to try this one.”

Try our Super Spicy Kiss Your Taste Buds Goodbye Smoothie!

Blended with hand-picked Tamato, Cheri, Razz, and Figy Berries!

Special note: We at Pretty Petal Flower Shop and Café will not be held liable for burning eyes and lips. Read the menu yourself before complaining, okay?

“With our luck, I wouldn’t be surprised if it burned the flesh off our bones,” Zack said.

Melissa rolled her eyes. “What is with you and bones today?”

“He’s got a bone appetit,” Milo claimed. He earned a punch to the shoulder for that.

Zack shrugged. “Can you really blame a guy for wanting to keep their insides on the inside?”

Even with Melissa and Zack bickering over the subject of bones at the lunch table, they all managed to find something on the menu by the time Rita came back to take their orders.

“Sitrus Berries are more acidic than Oran,” Rita said helpfully to Zack, who was having trouble deciding on his smoothie. “The Tropical Punch smoothie is all the rage these days. Nanab and Pinap Berries pair really well together, and-oh, Dakota, it’s been a while! How’ve you been?”

Dakota grinned lazily, slipping his hands into the pockets of his red and yellow tracksuit which reminded Milo heavily of ketchup and mustard. “Eh, same old thing. Just realized I left my other tracksuit in our…my old apartment. Had some important stuff in that one.”

“Aw, that’s too bad,” Rita said sympathetically.

“Yeah,” Dakota agreed. “First time this week I had a chance to slip out from the rest of the team and this happens. These new trainers? Don’t think I’ve seen them around before.”

“This is our first time here. We really wanna try the smoothies,” Milo said.

Dakota nodded in approval. “Yeah, the smoothies are great. Especially the Tropical Punch one.”

“That’s what I ordered!” Milo exclaimed.

“You got good taste, kiddo,” Dakota said. Something buzzed in his pocket, and he ran his hand through his brown curls with a heavy sigh. “Sorry, I gotta take a call.”

“You wanna join us when you get back?” Zack offered.

Dakota agreed to the invitation rather quickly, then he headed to the bathroom to answer his cell phone.

“You kids are so nice,” Rita sighed. She lowered her voice so she could barely be heard above the bustle of the restaurant. “He went through a messy breakup recently. He and his partner were a bit of an odd couple, but they were so cute together. And lately he’s been working on a Pokémon habitat restoration project, but he’s been so distracted that he can’t focus on it. Just don’t tell him I told you all this, okay? Oh, and we already know what he likes to order so we’ll be fixing that up. I’ll go ahead and get these to the kitchen! Be back with your drinks soon!”

Once Rita left them alone, Melissa placed a finger on her lips. “Don’t mention the breakup to Dakota. We need to be sensitive.”

“Since when are you-“ Zack cut himself off when Melissa started cracking her knuckles. “Okay, sensitive! Got it!”

“He’s better than Sara,” Melissa said. “When Dr. Magnezone and Time Infernape broke off their partnership, she was sobbing on the floor with a gallon of double fudge ice cream.”

“Then she obsessively read angst fanfics for the next two weeks,” Milo added. “I think she was just making it harder on herself.”

Dakota came back in five minutes, and Rita dropped off their smoothies not long after that.

Milo, Melissa, and Zack glanced at each other awkwardly, waiting for someone to broach a topic of conversation. Dakota seemed oblivious to the atmosphere and sipped at his own smoothie.

Eventually, it was Milo who broke the silence. “Do you have any Pokémon?” he asked, figuring that talking about Pokémon was safe enough.

“Yeah, Sharpedo and Swalot. They’re good loyal partners,” Dakota said. There was a touch of bitterness in his tone though, one that made Milo wonder if inviting him to their table had been a good idea after all. “Huh. I can’t believe I forgot to ask your names. I would’ve been scolded for sure by-well, never mind.”

Milo pointed to each of his friends in turn. “I’m Milo, that’s Melissa, and the worrywart over there is Zack.”

Zack scowled. “I am not a worrywart.”

Melissa and Dakota snickered into their napkins.

“Melissa and I are childhood friends,” Milo continued. “We met Zack at the beginning of our journey. His dad was stuck in the middle of a lake cause this Patchy guy was releasing way too many Magikarp into the water, so we fought him off with Diogee and the Hoenn starters. It was so cool.”

“So you met Patchy then,” Dakota said casually. “Guy’s a real nutcase. He took initiation into the group way too seriously. Talking like a pirate was only required for the first three hours of membership.”

Melissa almost choked on her smoothie. “You know Patchy?”

Dakota shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich as soon as Rita set his plate on the table. “I’m his boss. We banned him from taking part in karaoke night. Couldn’t carry a tune. And he always insists on sea shanties.”

“So…what’s your occupation?” Zack asked, sounding like he’d prefer not to hear their answer.

“Boss of Team Aqua,” Dakota said.

Everyone stared at him blankly.

“Okay, so you’ve never heard of us. S’cool. We’re just trying to revive the ancient Pokémon Kyogre and make it rain enough to provide new habitats for Pokémon. Nothing more to it than that,” Dakota continued to eat his sandwich as if he hadn’t said he’d planned on disrupting the delicate balance of nature. “And between you and me, water’s a ton cooler than magma.”

“Obviously,” Zack muttered.

“So, uh, good luck with that?” Milo said.

“Thanks,” Dakota grinned. His phone buzzed frantically this time. He checked the caller ID. “Sav again. Sorry she keeps interrupting like this.”

He headed for the bathroom.

“Does he look like someone who’s trying to revive a legendary?” Zack asked.

“No, he looks like a displaced time traveler from the ‘70s,” Melissa said. “If I were trying to revive Kyogre, I’d at least wear blue to match.”

“He has more of a warm color aesthetic, I think. Fall colors,” Milo added.

They finished their meal without Dakota, and Milo signaled Rita over for their check.

“Dakota said you’d offered to pay for his meal,” Rita smiled as Melissa studied the receipt closely. “That’s really sweet, you know.”

The receipt crinkled in Melissa’s hand. “Where is he right now?” she asked pleasantly, though there was a dangerous edge in her voice.

Milo hauled Zack away from the table and towards the side door that led to the outdoor enclosure.

“Oh, he left a few minutes ago.”

“HE DINED AND DASHED ON US?”

Rita tapped her chin in thought. “Ah, I remember now! His partner used to have these really loud arguments with him outside cause he always forgot his wallet! Dakota must have a lot of tracksuits if he can never remember which one he put his wallet in!”

She laughed, completely oblivious to Melissa’s irritated glare.

Melissa slammed a wad of Pokédollars onto the table and stomped past Milo and Zack.

“Dakota owes me for the sandwich and smoothie, plus taxes and interest.”