#oh to be a pretty cat eating pretty cake

[pomefioredove]

now I'm actually invested in this idea. maybe I'll write a full length fic someday idk... for now I have short hcs

parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | bad ending

summary: crowley decides to "give away" yuu to the highest "donation" for financial reasons type of post: headcanons characters: all nrc students additional info: can be read as platonic or romantic, except malleus is pretty romantic, second person pov, yuu is gender neutral, maybe a little ooc I wrote this as soon as I got up

crowley has had his fair share of "what the fuck" moments from you but this was really taking the cake

he acts so... casual about it?

swaggers into ramshackle one morning and says times are tough and your personal expenses are straining the budget so he's decided to "put you in someone else's care"

"The screening process will be vigorous to make sure you end up in good hands!" like you're a cat or something "Your expenses will be covered and you'll have somewhere to go during break!"

okay great. pretty obvious you have no say in this, so you don't even argue. what's the worst that could happen?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ace, Deuce, Jack, and Epel find you the next day to say they're pooling their money to buy you

"To what?"

Epel shrugs. "Oh, well Crowley said we need to offer a donation to prove we're capable of supporting you..."

(you think that if not for the laws of this land you would have slaughtered that old fart)

Jack goes on a really long tirade about how shady and underhanded this is, making sure to reaffirm that he believes you should be free to make your own choices

"So you'll let me go once you get me?"

"Uhhh..."

Ace thinks once they buy you you'll have no choice but to do all of his homework for him

Deuce says that's not really how it works- and even if he tried, Riddle would kill him

(they've already gone over this twice before finding you)

Epel happily volunteers to take you home with him over breaks, probably the only positive in this mess

even if he thinks the whole thing is kind of funny

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

incapable of keeping his mouth shut, Ace accidentally spills the plan to Riddle, who is understandably aghast

you can't just give away a person under your care like a toy!

of all the irresponsible things...

of course, he'll have to put up his offer, too

purely for your sake! with a nicer room and a brand new copy of the dorm rules, maybe you'll stop getting yourself into trouble

he's got some family money (doctors, naturally) and considers this a worthwhile purchase, for his sanity and yours

of course, Trey and Cater overhear and may or may not be pooling their own cash for a chance, too

going behind Riddle's back on this is a risky venture, but hey, someone's gotta be on your side, here, right?

I mean, between a bunch of sixteen year old boys, the housewarden, and them, who would you choose?

actually don't answer that

...not that it's much of a secret, anyway. Cater's already got their gofundme equivalent link in bio

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona initially plans to have you become a live-in lackey like Ruggie

but then he really starts thinking- and, hey, the possibilities are endless, right?

for one, you'd make a really good pillow

he might have to kick Grim out for your full attention, but you could learn to live with that

and malleus would hate it

...that's reason enough for him

plus, he's got money to burn, so why not?

either way, he sets his bid at a reasonable (maybe too confident) price and sits back to watch the chaos unfold as everyone scrambles for a piece of the pie

news travels fast around school, after all

then Ruggie finds out that you could dethrone him as Leona's #2 and is understandably a little annoyed

that's his cushy post-grad job gig, thank you! he's worked hard for that!

besides, why should Leona get to hoard you? the guy can barely take care of himself!

so, Ruggie ends up outsourcing to a few dozen classmates for the necessary funds at a steep I-owe-you price

he's gonna be eating nothing but dandelions for a while...

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

now, Azul is annoyed

once the news goes school-wide, it's all anyone can talk about

talk about good marketing...

why didn't he think of such a brilliant scam? he could have negotiated with Crowley to have a café brand deal tie-in!

of course, he's already set his bid, with Jade and Floyd offering to pitch in as necessary

it's a risky investment, sure, but a worthwhile one

Azul tells everyone that with the prefect's "obvious" popularity, having them at the café a few nights a week would drive sales through the roof

though that's really just what he says to shirk suspicion

a likely excuse coming from him, though, really, it would just be nice having you around

and if not for his own affections, Floyd's incessant begging and Jade's subtly manipulative comments about "how nice" it would be having a new face around would be enough for him to cave eventually

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Kalim, no," is the first thing that Jamil says

"I strongly advise against this. It's another one of Crowley's silly scams and you could end up a target bec- are you even listening?"

hint: he is not

the second Kalim found out that he could get to take in his favorite magicless student like one of his treasures, he was all over it

(AKA infinite sleepovers)

and for what? a little optional donation to prove he's got the funds? he's got cash to spare!

he's already got your new room in Scarabia set up before he even puts his bid in

right next to his of course :)

and despite what Jamil insists, he himself might be working behind the curtain just a little to ensure he's the one who ends up with you

after all, why should Kalim get everything? this might be a valuable learning opportunity for him

You don't always get what you want

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

as much as Epel tries to keep the rest of his dorm from finding out, it's inevitable

he's actually a little surprised that the news didn't get to Vil sooner

with Rook around campus, surely he must have said something...

when Vil does find out, though, he just sighs

oh, of course. what next, will everyone meet each other in the arena and fight to the death over the prefect?

of all the silly, immature things...

oh? what's that? he's bidding anyway? of course he is, silly potato. he can't have some unwashed miscreant making you sleep on polyester bedding

(really, he's the only person on campus worthy of your time)

Rook has also been mysteriously absent from the dorm lately, though his initials on a poem and a strangely large sum of money end up in the donation pile

but really, that could be anyone... Rook would never dare betray Vil again, right?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ortho finds out directly from the other first years and sends Idia the details immediately

with a little note of encouragement, of course: "could be excellent for improving your social skills!"

Idia understandably freaks out

"WTF!!!! nooo way! this is a person, not a chatbot we're talking about here! I can barely keep virtual pets alive!!!!"

(liar)

(...but this is still different)

the conversation ends there, but semi-anonymous bid from someone named "gloomurai" gets cashapp'd directly to crowley

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

everyone in the room immediately turns to Malleus

"For the record, I think it's wrong to be bargaining over a human being," Silver says first. "But if anyone could handle it with grace, it's you."

Lilia laughs. "Oh, you're just saying that because you like the prefect so much!"

"Father, you're the one who likes the prefect so much,"

"Oh, right! carry on then. After all, I'm sure we could share,"

Sebek is the only one relatively against the idea, though Lilia luckily manages to get him to lower his voice after his third speech about how you aren't good enough for his liege

Malleus is rather quiet through the whole evening, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with any of the points made

he disappears for a short while, and when he comes back he seems a little more confident

though, of course, he goes to you first

seeing him at Ramshackle in the middle of the night is a familiar and welcoming sight after all of the chaos of your week

and he's in a great mood!

"Child of man! I've come with news," he says. "I have heard of your predicament and have come up with a solution!"

you immediately sulk. "Oh, no. You know I think this whole thing is terrible, right?"

"Yes, Silver mentioned you might not like the idea of being bought and sold like a trinket. But worry not, I do not plan on paying for you in money,"

you pause, at a loss for words, and then tentatively continue. "You're not...?"

"Of course not. What a primitive idea, I was baffled to hear it myself. My proposal will be more traditional: a modest sum of treasure, and a generous amount of livestock and the finest crop Briar Valley can offer,"

certainly he's not this naive, you think

"You really think Crowley is going to accept that over money? I'm pretty sure Kalim just bid away an entire country's worth,"

he laughs. "You speak as if this is some kind of business deal! I'm quite confident that my dowry will be best,"

huh. that was a strange way of putting it

but then again, you still didn't really understand how things work here, so you go along with it

and you allow yourself to relax. he seems confident in his offer, and he doesn't even see you as some kind of prize to win!

"Oh, well, alright. Thanks! I'm glad you're on it,"

he smiles. "Rest assured, child of man, you're in good hands. My dowry will far outshine the others, and the wedding will be even better,"

"I was honestly getting a little nervous for a momen- wait- wedding!?"

[chuuyrr]

KISSIN' AND HOPE THEY CAUGHT US — DAZAI OSAMU

⊹ CW(s): f! reader, suggestive (kissing, touching, and making out in the office), dazai being a menace, established relationship, mentions of marriage, lovesick! dazai

⊹ SYNOPSIS: in which he wants you, and for you two to get caught

inspired by: agora hills by doja cat !

dazai osamu could never keep his hands to himself. he was dazai for goodness sake, and he has no shame, especially when it comes to you.

he enjoys being near to you at work just as much as he enjoys being with you in private. so, dazai takes every opportunity to be with you, whether it's holding your hand or twirling a strand of your hair in his hand while you work on reports, subtly leaning his head against your shoulder, or secretly squeezing your thigh, and he always loves the pink blush that spreads on your cheeks as you whisper yell him about pda.

but that's what makes it so difficult for him; dazai loves you too much to keep you a secret. you were his, and he wants everyone to know who you belong to, as well as who he belongs to.

you were about halfway through the papers given to you by the president when dazai slides next to you in his swivel chair, whining as he clings to your arm, "belladonna!~"

"osamu, i'm busy," you smile and giggle, but you quickly switch up, changing your tone as you sigh and flick his forehead, prompting a tiny scream and pout from him, "busy doing the papers you should be doing, mister."

"oh, come on! everyone has already gone out for lunch, and we're the only ones left here!" dazai grumbles as he wraps his arms around you after rubbing his forehead.

"and you insisted on staying with me! ugh, well maybe if you helped me, we can both get some lunch like the oth—" your eyes widen as dazai snatches the papers from your desk, putting them out of your reach and even causing some of the notepads and pens you had on your desk to roll off.

you gasp sharply, opening your mouth to scold him, but he slams his lips against yours, earning you a groan from him.

dazai's hands reach for your waist as he feverishly kisses you, his warm lips pressing deeply yet eagerly against yours.

you turn your face away, attempting to avoid his kiss as you let out a soft whine, trying to tell him off, "not now, osamu!"

but, alas, he closes the gap between you once more, this time much closer as his hands tenderly slide down and hold your hips to pull you into his lap.

dazai feels you squirm on his lap and finds himself chuckling in between the kisses, but he simply holds you firmly, one hand tenderly carressing your hip and the other now on the back of your neck to hold you in place.

how could he resist such a work of art as you? the way the sunlight from the window delicately highlights your face just for him to admire as your hair frames everything perfectly like icing on a cake, and don't even get him started on how you always smell so sweet like vanilla with your perfume.

dazai loves every single part of you and feels the need to be always closer to you, so he has his attention on you like a moth to a flame as you were a temptation for him.

you're so warm and plush in his embrace, and you can feel his warmth seeping through your clothes as much as his hands tenderly hold you in place on his lap.

"m-mmh, osamu. please—" you try to speak again, but he shuts you up with his lips once more, his kiss a demand as well as a declaration of love and desire.

"hush for a second, pretty girl," dazai's breath tickles your lips as he pulls away just a fraction before his lips were on yours again.

"then stop eating my face," you whine softly, grabbing his shoulders and successfully yanking your face away from him.

"aww, and why should i?" dazai says, smirking as he caresses your hip with one hand while the other glides from the back of your neck to your cheek to cup it, "you're just so tempting my dear."

"w-we're at work!" you stammer, squirming on his lap once more, "now put me down or else we might get caught, osamu!"

"too bad," dazai rolls his eyes at you, pinching your cheek before pulling you by the chin, so you were now nose-to-nose with each other.

you feel blood rush into your cheeks at his proximity, and even more so when he says the following words to you.

"i want us to get caught."

at this point, your face was on fire. in fact, the room—no, everything becomes too hot all of a sudden, prompting you to raise your voice out of surprise, "w-what? are you crazy?!"

"crazy in love with you, that is," dazai winks at you before tracing your cheek with his nose, trailing it down as his breath tickles your neck this time, and his breathy voice sends tingles up and down your spine, making you unable to sit still on his lap, "and you have no idea just how far a crazy man would go for his darling angel."

"your hips are an altar i would worship anytime of the day, my love," he whispers as his hands sensually trail from your neck and waist to your hips, squeezing them as he kisses your neck.

as one of his hands began to slip under your shirt, your breaths hitch and you couldn't help but let out a soft whine, and dazai revels in the feel of your skin as he kisses your neck, writing his love on it with marks and soft groans.

"and i know heaven is a thing because i go there whenever i touch you, and whenever i'm with you, baby," he groans with indulgence as his lips continue to kiss and bite at your neck, his hands slipping under your shirt now, caressing your side, the spot just under your chest.

dazai's emotions were all over the place, but it was desire mixed with exasperation. he immerses himself in the sensation of your lips and body during the heated moment, closing the gap between you with undeniable intimacy.

"fuck, i wanna tie the knot," he says in hushed mumbles, completely in love with you.

dazai lifts his head from your neck and presses his forehead against yours tenderly, his hands now cupping your face at a daydream of you that he has now engraved in his mind, "i wanna see my pretty girl in a wedding dress, walking up to me to be with me til' death do us part."

"and i just wanna show her off. tell everyone she's mine and no one else's," a soft, low growl escapes his breath as he claims your lips one more time with a feverish deep kiss to mark his territory, but this time it comes with a hint of tenderness as he strokes your cheek.

"osamu, we're gonna get caught," you say softly, your breath shaky, your hands still gripping his shoulders as he continues his assault of kisses.

"then let them catch us, sweetheart. you're mine to brag about," you feel dazai's smirk against your lips, and his hands on your hips again, but this time they're sliding down to squeeze your thighs in a firm grasp that causes you to squirm on his lap and wrap your arms around his neck.

dazai then purposefully but playfully bounces you on his lap, causing you to let out a sharp gasp mixed with a whine. suddenly, you hear footsteps outside the office door just as his hands begin to slip further past, and your eyes widen. it was as if he knew your coworkers were about to return from their lunch break, and he did know that.

your heart rate increases with strange excitement and fear. you squirm and try to pull yourself up and away from his lap, but he simply holds you tighter against him, his arms now locking around your waist to keep you in place.

"h-hey, now! let me go!" you whisper yell.

"oh, no. you stay right where you are, my pretty girl. i'm not letting you go," dazai says with a grin, finding amusement in your panic, "nope."

"what are we gonna tell them if they see us like this?! kunikida is gonna scold us!"

"heh, tell em' that we were kissing and hoping they caught us~"

"OSAMU!"

⊹ A.N: happy halloween! ok, but like, after re-reading this and stuff, this was waaaay better in my head ૮꒰ つᯅ⊂ ꒱ა ՞ˎˊ˗

[yandere-kokeshi]

We need to know how separate TF-141 would be as house-husbands!!! Please!!!

— Yandere headcanons of TF-141 as house-husbands

Warnings: Yandere behavior, older! characters, male gender roles, NSFW, slight delusional behaviors.

A/N: Anon, you are SO, so smart. I love you /a.

Captain “Price” John:

The type of house-husband nobody expected for him to be– not even himself. John had partially agreed to it, and now he’s a stay-at-home dad for your cats. When he wedded you, he never thought of it this way; and now, he had promised to always care for you, did he not?

Price is well over-tired, pretty hairy and massive; beard scratchy and face all squishy; he’s a chubby man. But that doesn’t stop him at all.

John loves waking you up in the mornings. Before even shaking you awake, he loves to admire you. Watching your different breathing patterns, some dribbles of drool, and the obvious bed marks staining your face makes him smirk. But of course, it ends too short when he realizes you need to get up.

John is so, oh gentle, when waking you up. Scarred hands rubbing at your hips as he rubs his beard into your shoulder, prepping kisses and telling you to get a move on. However, if you ignore him, he’s more than happy to leave some permanent marks, yes?

He always makes your breakfast and lunch the night before, chopping the meat, fruits, and vegetables into the correct order so he can easily sleep in with you till you leave. So, when your alarm goes off, he detaches himself from you, getting up with only his red boxers– turning on the oven to preheat the food yet again and leaving them on the table for you to enjoy when you get out of the shower.

And with that, he takes your health seriously, mentally and physically, which means most foods in the house are pretty healthy. All types of fruits, veggies, protein, and fiber nourishment is given with each meal, and he expects you to eat it all. 

When shopping, he takes everything seriously. He hates getting off track, only sticking to what’s on the list, and cashiers who take too long on talking– especially if they openly flirt with him. Can’t you see I'm taken? He snarks out, showing off his wedding ring before fast walking out towards his car with his hands full.

Chores are chores. They need to be done. Dishes are easy, laundry, and vacuuming are a piece of cake. But cleaning the bathroom? Oh, that’s a bit difficult. Especially with the hidden camera he’s put out of your sight, and at times, he gets distracted; watching the many films, seeing you all naked and wet, makes Price feel... a sudden urge. How are you just so gorgeous, hm?

John is the definition of a “Pro Loyalty Card”. For all those stores he visits, he has cards for each and every single one of them, including the convenience store. They always come in handy.

Routines are his specialty; he knows everything about your schedule, to the time you leave for work, to when you call him at your lunch break, come home and collapse in his lap, all the way to sleeping in the bed naked. He’s memorized it all. 

After the long antagonizing and stressful week, John always sits you down for a long bath. He massages your shoulders, using a special lotion to rub on you after the bath. But, that’s not the only gift he's giving. Before gently and lovingly pushing you to the bed, he slowly fucks the stress and irritation of you; teeth makes ensuring you stay loyal to your man.

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Simon is quick and sleek with shopping, getting and seeking foods that have high nutrition because you only deserve the best. Most foods he picks out are healthy, getting many baskets of fruits to ensure you enjoy your lunches. But when passing by the sugar aisle, he can’t help but choose a few sweets for you. 

A type of house-husband you’d never expect. He’s brooding, shoulders kept tight, wearing a black mask and hoodie as he sulks in the grocery aisles, holding the colored basket. You’d think he’s stealing with a gun hidden in his back pocket. However, when in reality, he’s taking his house duties extremely seriously as he eyes for the cereal aisle.

He wakes up way early, even before you start to stir awake, even before the sun rises and goals himself to get a good workout in. Even though he’s not the same lieutenant as he was years ago– he’s not lazy, and still picks up his pace whilst jogging down the street and doing push-ups in the open garage. 

At times, he wishes you could join him, and it would be fun, would it not? Having you down below, as his chest presses against yours and your flushed face being the main goal for him to continue? Or maybe, him guiding you through pull-ups, and you need his help? Oh, that’s how to make him very desperate for you in the early mornings. 

Speaking of early mornings, when you rise with his gentle shaking, whispers of “good mornin’”, and his rough stubble rubbing your neck, you realize just how lucky you are. Especially with how Riley joins in, when he notices his second favorite human is up and awake. 

Though, if you decide to ignore these two, covering your face and mumbling away, Simon will crawl over you, prep your face with sloppy kisses, and murmur hot and dirty words. His hand instinctively crawling down, snapping the band of your underwear, nails barely scratching at your skin whilst promising to get you all hot and messy, before forcing you out of bed. 

When you leave out of that door, regardless of the morning, he ensures the house is spotless before you come home. He doesn’t listen to any music, only the occasional barks from Riley as he sprays the leather couches, doing the dishes the “old-fashioned way”, and folding laundry like it’s a race. 

Most are scared of him– except for that one lady down the road. Her eyes follow Simon as if he’s a god, but he scoffs at that when she twirls her hair. You’re the real deity, he openly thinks. Of course, he shows off his pretty wedding ring, the one you got him; and somehow, Simon wishes you’d just make out with him in public, show her that he’s off limits and that he’s yours. 

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

The type of househusband who immediately recognized that you needed to be cared for, and went forth with that promise between the marriage. You work so hard to make money for the both of you. And he’s devoted to doing whatever he can to be helpful too. 

Kyle is a clean freak, which means the house is nearly spotless when you come home. Every scratch at the couch has him grunting and hands vigorously trying to rub it off. Shoes inside the house are immediately put up, and he hates rainy days; looking at you with glaring pupils as you step inside with soaked coverings. But, he loves you. 

The chores in the house are easily done before the afternoon, dishes cleaned with shiny marks and the floors vacuumed. Dusting and sweeping the house with headphones on, face flushed whilst… listening to among things he’d never want you to find out. 

Laundry is always last in line, as he tends to “borrow” a good deal of dirty underwear of yours, smelling them intensely. Don’t worry though, he returns them at some point. 

Kyle is the definition of “wifey material food”. Every breakfast consists of incredible fried eggs, mixed with bacon and fluffy pancakes; lunch and dinner being different every day, which is nice. He usually sticks with foods you’re comfortable with, never going out of your zone, and tries his hardest to make different sizes of hearts out of the food. 

Though, you never seem to notice the secret ingredient, the divine particular part where the two of you are bonded stronger. Such shame, he utters. Sometimes he wishes you’d come home early– catch him desperately adding it within the dish with utter lewd excitement. 

Having you come home is the best time of the day. Waiting by the door, wearing the cactus green apron you got him years ago, with a giant smile and dinner laid out, waiting for you. By the end of dinner, you’re full; both of love, and much suffocation of affection. 

All the other housewives in the area love him. They often invite him for yoga, or work-out sessions. But, he usually uses the excuse that you need him. You do, don't you?

Every Friday, he wears and shows off certain gifts he feels that you’ll love. You work so hard for the both of you, so he should show his appreciation, should he not? Wearing all types of risqué clothing, leaving desperate messages, and having lingerie hidden underneath his black vest, coloring his skin and outlining his scars, stretch marks, and moles. Sooner or later, it leads to a heavy cuddle-sex session that he knows you’ll love. 

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish:

The type of househusband who uses his pretty eyes and sculpted body, to get his way. Everything from seeing you at your working office and past your lunch break, to getting free food samples, all the way to a book full of coupons and all types of gifts for half the percentage. 

He’s amazing at picking food at the grocery outlet, picking up the correct portions of proper protein, vegetables, and iron. And sometimes, sneaking a few donuts, pops, and tubs of ice cream he knows you love. 

Johnny always wakes you up, the alarm rarely shaking you as your beloved husband knows your schedule by heart. He ensures your breakfast and lunch are ready by 7am, smirking at the added secret ingredients that he only knows. 

He’s more lenient with waking you up. Knowing how you like to sleep, beauty sleep he corrects, Johnny tries to let you snooze in as far as you can, before gently stirring you up as the sun rises in the opened window. 

His arms snake around your waist, cuddling up behind you whilst pulling you into his warm chest, as he nibbles on your ear and tells you to start getting up; breakfast is served on the table with awaited love. Though, if his sweet honey voice doesn’t work at this time, maybe some extremely sloppy oral will help, no? 

Johnny ensures that everybody knows you’re lovingly taken. Those hickeys and bruises on your arms, and neck show just how loveable he is. He boasts about you all the time, to his then-team, cashiers and ladies on the streets. It’s only expected you do the same, yes? 

Housewives and other househusbands either love him, or envy him. He’s pretty– too alluring to just be at home and caring for duties. Most women, and men constantly flaunt at his grown-out mohawk, often slicked back into a small bun and a few scars, especially one on his head, that prominent his face. 

He’s still in shape, working out in the early mornings and doing yoga with the other moms; who he regularly drinks coffee with. They love how sweet and handsome the man is, especially towards his spouse. 

Anyone would be lucky to have him, and many would trade a lifetime for him. But, he’s not going anywhere, not without you or your yummy neck anytime soon. 

—

Masterlist || Please support me as a writer by reblogging or commenting <3

© yandere-kokeshi 2024 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Grim - Apprentice Chef Vignette

"Let's keep on doing aaallll these fun things together"

[Kitchen]

Grim: It's… It's…

Grim: IT'S DONEEEE!!

Grim: Look, [Yuu]! My super special awesome cake's finished!

The cake looks like a tuna can…

Grim: Yeah! I made it look like the most delicious thing in the world. See how even the word "tuna" looks good?

Grim: As for what I put inside the cake… That's a surprise for when we eat it! MYAHA!

Grim: I bet this is gonna be the bestest thing on the table. We gotta hurry and get it back to Ramshackle!

[Ramshackle Dorm – Anniversary Party]

Grim: Slowly… Slowly…

Grim: Gently, gently… Careful…

We're almost back to the dorm, you got this!

Grim: Gah, carrying a cake so it doesn't collapse is so hard…!

Grim: …But all the guys we passed on the way here from the cafeteria said it totally looked tasty, yeah?

Grim: Y'know, maybe my genius ain't just in eatin' food, but makin' em, too.

Grim: Back when you and me took the Master Chef course, I thought all this work was a pain, but…

Grim: Now I'm thinkin' that it was good we did it. 'Cause now tasty things can be made into even tastier things!

Grim: Myahaha! Thanks to this cake, today's party's gonna be the cat's meow!

Grim: Ah! But that annoying guy Trein is gonna be there… He might get mad if I get too excited.

Grim: Maaan, he's always findin' things to nag me about. Like the other day, he tried scolding in me when I was runnin' in the halls.

Grim: It pissed me off, so I tried pokin' fun at him, but then he just came at me!

Grim: Obviously I ran, but that old man is faster than he looks…

Grim: And then he just caught me in no time, I wasn't expecting that. Just nabbed me by the neck.

Grim: "Try to be a bit more like Lucius," he said… But I ain't a cat, y'know!

Grim: Don't know if Trein snitched on me or what, but even Crewel got mad at me, saying "Stop causing problems."

Grim: But then Crewel whispered later, "If you're going to tease Trein-sensei, make sure you don't get caught."

Grim: Myahaha! Crewel might be a teacher, but sometimes he's got a wicked side. He gets me.

Grim: …Though, he can be a huge stickler if ya mess around in class or get bad grades.

Grim: I remember the other day was pretty scary. He had us all lined up in a row, and was grilling everyone on who spilled the chemicals on the table…

Grim: No one fessed up, and Ace and Deuce were silently keepin' their heads down, so I stayed quiet too.

Well, we all got held responsible, in the end.

Grim: Tch. Trein and Crewel are both way too strict!

Grim: I like Vargas's class the best. 'Cause I don't need to take difficult notes in his class!

Grim: Like the other day, he started going on and on, saying, "If you want to be a great mage, then you need to have muscles as rippling as mine!" or whatever…

Grim: I was just nodding along, and then class ended with just him talkin' about his own muscles. Myahaha, waaaay too easy～

Grim: …Hm? Wait a mo'.

Grim: Do you think… The reason that Vargas showed up here randomly one morning a few days ago to go exercise together…

Grim: DID HE THINK I WANTED TO TRAIN WITH HIM BECAUSE I WAS NODDING DURING ALL HIS BOASTING!?

Grim: The sun wasn't even up, it was still dark, so that was a real pain!!

Grim: …Man, I think I might like Crewel or Trein better after all, ‘cause they don't cause me problems.

[Ramshackle Dorm – Anniversary Party]

Grim: Y'know, now that I think about it, all the profs here are really strange… Is this school really alright?

Grim: Oh. But I think the strangest guy ain't one of the teachers, but Sam. I'm sure of it!

Grim: And that's cause… Remember the other day when I lost at rock-paper-scissors and I had to go buy snacks by myself?

Grim: Before I even got inside the store, I heard Sam talkin' with someone inside.

Grim: But… When I got inside, he was all alone.

Grim: When I asked who he was chattin' with, he said his "friends on the other side," but… WHAT DOES HE MEAN FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE!?

Grim: He wouldn't tell me no matter how many times I asked. It's so eerie. But man, he's got a ton of cool stuff for sale, so I keep going back.

Grim: I remember then, too, before I could say what I wanted, he already had out the perfect number of snacks I had money for.

Grim: Oh yeah, and Crowley came in the shop right after me. Looks like he's always shoppin' at the Mystery Shop, too.

Grim: He started braggin' to me that he gets to order whatever he wants.

Grim: So I told him I wanted some special tuna cans then, and he says, "This privilege is for teachers only!"

Grim: He just kept on bragging, he's the worst! Crowley's so useless!

We should be thankful, since he let us attend here.

Grim: THANKFUL!? He should be thanking me for gracing this school with my genius!

Grim: And I bet Crowley'd gobble down the whole feast we got prepped if I take my eye off him for even a second…

Grim: No way I'm gonna give him a single bite. This time I'll make sure he's jealous of me.

Grim: Hey, [Yuu]. You 'n me're gonna protect this cake with our lives!

Grim: I might not be able to rely on you to do everythin' yourself, so good things we also got those ghosts.

Grim: If all us Ramshackle folk work together, we could even take on two Crowleys. We'll stun him silent!

Grim: I bet the ghosts're feelin' real alive right now. They were really getting' excited for Founding Day.

Grim: They were all, "It's so wonderful everyone is throwing a party here at Ramshackle～"

Grim: They also said that everything's getting' amped up 'cause we came to Ramshackle.

Grim: Myahaha. So that means… All the fun and happy times are all thanks to me!

1. Exactly!

Grim: Yeah. So you just keep on following me, no worries. Grim: As the boss, it's my job to take care of my henchie!

2. I think you're going a little overboard there.

Grim: Myah!? Y-You… You don't get how good I am to ya, huh!? Grim: I'm always pushin' myself hard doin' things for ya. Like, uh… Uh… ALL SORTS OF THINGS!

Grim: So let's keep on doing aaallll these fun things together!

Grim: Ah. Looks like everyone's here.

Grim: Hey, [Yuu], open the gate. We gotta bring the cake in quick!

Grim: I bet everyone'll be so surprised and happy. Myahaha. I can't wait～!

Requested by @butterflyremix.

[de4dlyniightshade]

Headcanons request:

Spencer’s dream partner. What do you think is important to him? Do you think he has a “type”?

And since you mentioned him and I JUST got the movie to watch - any fun headcanons for Chip??

half of this is me lowkey projecting but sue me. i'm delusional.

has to be patient for sure because he's really inexperienced in all aspects of a relationship and is terrified of rejection so he takes a while to open up about things and be comfortable with certain things.

words of affirmation! he loves being told that he did good at something or that he looks nice and loves doing the same for you because he loves to see your happy expression.

curvy woman lover!!! every time he hears derek talking about curvy women he's always talking about their ass and boobs but spencer is just like <soft3 and <squishy3 he loves to lay his head on a soft pair of thighs.

i don't think he'd have much a preference for like hair colour or length but i think shorter hair is a plus for him so when you're cuddling it's not in his face too much.

loves someone who dresses alternative and doesn't care what others think or how they feel about it.

really shy about pda but also loves it because it shows him you're not embarrassed of him and that you actually like showing him off so he'd probably like someone who's completely comfortable with pda.

has to like cats. i've seen some people saying spencer would never be a cat person bcs he needs them to cuddle him when he wants but you're telling me he wouldn't raise the sweetest little girl cat ever? she'd be already waiting at the door for him beside you wdym???

has to enjoy old movies and music because it's what he likes and listens to and he loves sharing his interests with others.

as for fun chip hcs!!!

very forgetful like it's obvious in the movie he's pretty scatterbrained but oh my god he's the definition of the expression he'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to his neck.

very oblivious to danger and way too trusting and gets himself into some tight situations way too often.

wholeheartedly believes platypuses aren't real.

such a sweetheart like genuinely the most loving and kind man ever but he's just a little slow at times but with the right person it's very endearing rather than annoying.

refuses to eat things he's never tried but claims he doesn't like(me fr)

has such a sweet tooth like it doesn't matter what just anything sweet, especially cake.

can't cook. anything. and is scared of the microwave. claims he doesn't trust it.

loves driving with you and listening to music but it almost always ends up with you in a secluded area and getting it on in the backseats.

[juicywritinghoard]

a few more prompts

This crime is going almost too well?

Can you play with my hair? 

Of all the people to body swap with. Of all the days. 

This is no time for cute cat pictures and heart emojis!!!

And ANOTHER THING. Zombies-

Hey. Honestly? [deep breath] [SCREAMS]

Nothing like yard sale drama and intrigue! 

I did not see your text. Actually I can't read. It's very sad. Sudden onset adult illiteracy is very real-

Do not put it in your mouth! 

I know I got in trouble for buying them a very cool toy last time, but hear me out. 

Bite me. You gotta.

I am not eating this raw, actually. Nope.

How long did it take you to make that for me? NO I am not crying 

You drive me insane. Obviously I would go to hell for you 

What does this button do? I gotta know

Sword fighting is even more charged than I expected and I was not prepared 

I know you grew up in a wet cardboard box all alone but I cannot believe you have not experienced this. I think we have to, right now,  immediately 

We both showed up alone to the couples cake decorating class, so obviously-

Oops! Run

It hurts, but it rules

After a bad day, what we really need is some chocolate and violence.

Meow? Are you kidding me? 

Oh don't even get me STARTED on monsters- 

Pick your battles. As in let go of some of them please I swear you cannot fight it all

You know that object from the thrift store we thought was haunted? Haha so guess what,

Good chances we all die. Counterpoint, everyone who lives gets ice cream with sprinkles, so gear up!

I think I pretty explicitly said not to get it on the carpet.

So your mic wasn't off,

Please dress up with me? Please please please?

It isn't my blood. Don't get it twisted 

Can we kiss behind the mini golf windmill one more time? 

Magic is real, it just looks fake. 

Quick! Propose to me! Also, what's your name? 

We have to get you a new super costume.

You're enchanting. You're resplendent. You're a little bit on fire,

I gotta be honest. I have no idea what's going on and I think I waited too long to say so. Sorry?

Why do they have cat ears? They're supposed to be DEAD

I have normal feelings about this. And regular opinions. And I'm vibrating a reasonable amount.

Help, help, I'm not supposed to be in this universe!! 

I will help you ruin your hair, obviously, but you have to tell me what's going on. 

You wore that to the funeral?? 

Baking is science. Wizardry is science. You know what isn't science? 

Tired, angry, and covered in spaghetti sauce, and here I am at your door. But I can explain?

Bear. Seriously 

gonna destroy you and end your legacy forever xoxo <3

Nothing could possibly make me laugh right now. Don't you dare start doing silly voices at me. 

You know what this giant fancy crystal is good for? Blunt force head trauma 

I know it's super dangerous but when your eyes glow like that I can't focus on the battle at all…

Life finds a way?

Fighting? No, no, we're having a great time arguing about this. 

[gabessquishytum]

Hob is the wedding singer hired to perform at Dream's wedding reception(s) (.........each time he's left at the altar.). A 5+1 romcom.

Hob was hired as a joke by Dream's friends for his wedding reception -- Dream's super intense about his romances and all in for getting married (and his parents/family are soooo buttoned up) that a wedding singer like Hob should (hopefully) losen things up.

1. Dream's wedding is called off a week or two before; Hob charges his 75% cancelation fee;

2. Dream is left at the altar this time; Hob sees him in passing. He charges his full rate since he was ready to go and all set up;

3. A pregnant Calliope calls off the wedding the day of, and since the reception venue is attached to where she and Dream were going to be married, she talks Dream into eating cake and dancing with her -- they'll co-parent, but one of them had to be honest about how ill-suited they were for each other. Hob tries to make sure everyone has fun --- and sees Dream for the first time and is smitten by the sad sack pretty man dancing oh so poorly with the hugely pregnant lady;

4. Left at the alter again (and knowing Hob was at the reception venue), Dream's friends (Matthew, Jessamy, Lucienne, Joanna, Cori) drag him to drink and dance to Hob's singing. Hob finally gets to talk to his favorite broken hearted cutey;

5. At this point, Hob and Dream are friends (it took a while for Dream to get with the program) and while Hob really really likes Dream (he loves him so much), Hob could only watch the train wreck of Dream asking another person who doesn't really understand (or love him like Hob) to marry him.

Hob was not hoping for a repeat of the runaway bride/groom (above all he wants Dream to be happy) .....but on the off chance Hob was bad luck for Dream's weddings,,,,,,Hob agreed to sing at the reception; and

+1. Hob refused to sing for his own wedding!! He needs all the good luck he can muster to secure Dream as his husband.

I live for the idea of Hob being like "Hmm. I like this weird little man. Let me study him like a bug. And also marry him."

And listen, Hob prides himself on the fact that all the couples he's sung for have been very successful! Not a single divorce among them! Dream is managing to spoil that record all by himself, and Hob is determined to see this poor wet cat happily settled down.

He pulls out ALL the stops with romantic playlists and backdrops, sexy lighting, the whole shebang. He's never tried so hard to make his set a success, but he's determined to make the ambience perfect for Dream.

And it still doesn't work. Calliope seems like a lovely lady, though. She even thanks Hob for putting in so much effort. And says she hopes to see him at Dream’s next wedding. Oof.

Admittedly at weddings number 4 and 5, Hob is less determined to make the whole thing a success. He's not actively sabotaging them (Dream definitely doesn't need his help in failing to get married)... but he's not exactly sad when he gets to put his arm around the poor abandoned groom and comfort him in his hour of need. At number 5 Dream falls asleep with his head in Hob’s lap while he sings a soft lullaby, and Hob decides right then and there that there will be no more failed weddings. HE is marrying Dream, and he's not going to let anything stop him.

And so he doesn't perform at their wedding (because he's secretly afraid that it might bring bad luck). And they do make it to the altar, and through the vows, and to the reception - without a single hitch. Dream doesn't seem to stop smiling all day, and it's like he can hardly believe it when they cut the cake and have the first dance. Hob catches him pinching himself several times, which is just adorable.

And much, much later, when they finally tumble into bed to enjoy a sleepy, cozy wedding night... Hob sings Dream to sleep with "I do" by ABBA, and they start the rest of their lives together. Hob is determined to regain his record of 100% successful marriages, and he's not letting Dream go!!

[meowlod]

picnic date with sweetheart furina!! <33

we’d go on a picnic together that’s on a nice patch of grass where the court of fontaine can be seen clearly.

once we set the picnic blanket under the shade, we’d bring out our basket with lots and LOTS of our favorite pastries and desserts! I’d feed her; her favorite cake slices and she’d feed me back as well omggg, she’s just a sweetheart <3

after eating, she’d rest her head on my lap as we gaze up at the clear sky with cloud figures. we’d name them and guess what they look like, crack jokes here and there about them.

we’d also talk about lots of stuff together, whether it’d be serious or not, flirtatious statements here and there- and lots of teasing, too!

oh, and once it starts raining out of the blue, we’d shriek and giggle and run off to a better place where we can’t get wet. but if she decides not to run off, she’d offer me her hand and ask for a dance!! she’d go, “may I have this dance, my lovely lady?” with the sweetest smile on her face HAJSKAJWLDL AND OF COURSE I’D SAY YES, I could never say no to her.

she’d pull me close and tell me how much she loves me and tell me how happy she is, spending time with her loved one <33

aaaand after that, we’d get sick afterwards LMFAO but at least we had our moment together <33!!

PICNIC DATE with her would be the best, oh my god. I NEED to do that. while u guys walk to the picnic place, you both hold hands!!!

biggest sweetheart ever. she will feed you pastries with the sweetest smile ever!!! the prettiest smile!! she never understood how she found the sweetest girlfriend ever, you.

she is pretty flirty with you sometimes every time. and a big teaser too, but she will get red too from the words she says to you!!! red tomato face <3

DEFINITELY dances in the rain with you. i can imagine charlotte secretly taking a picture of the both of you dancing a waltz in the middle of the rainy weather because the picture would look so pretty. she‘ll hand the picture to you and furina keeps it very close to her.

she is SO happy around you, so happy that she finally found someone she can actually trust and love a lot. the last 500 years she had nobody, literally no one. poor baby was so lonely and sad, she couldn‘t even trust anyone with her secrets. she was scared if she gets rejected, even. but when she found you, she never stopped being clingy. furina stays very close to you, and is pretty scared if you leave her! but you told her that you‘ll never leave her and that you will stay by her side forever.

at least you both are sick together and can cuddle in bed for hours, like clingy cats. <3

[starlightshadowsworld]

The Wary Weretiger

It doesn't exactly take a Ranpo for the Agency to know Atsushi is struggling. Not for nothing but Atsushi is a homeless teenager in Yokohama.

No one knows where he stays. No one knows how he's managed to fend for himself or how long he's been on the streets.

They do know the money Atsushi has, he stole. Atsushi had just looked at them coldly and asked if they'd arrest him for it.

Dazai had laughed and said if that was the case Kunikida would arrest him for however many times he's stolen his wallet. Which did lighten the mood again.

The Agency did want to help Atsushi. He had unknowingly wormed his way into everyone's hearts.

But the thing is, Atsushi was stubborn. He not accept help nor ask for it. The teen really was the embodiment of a stray cat.

Atsushi hid his hunger pains and the way his cash was depleting. And if they weren't detectives, they might've fallen for it.

Atsushi himself didn't seem concerned by it. Kenji, bless his heart was the only one who could really mention it. Atsushi had shrugged "tigers can go 2 weeks without food, don't worry about it."

No one really wanted to know how he knew that applied to him.

So, everyone was very excited when Kenji burst into the office one day. Quite literally, the door came straight off it's hinges, yelling "Atsushi got the job!"

Dazai grinned "that's great, what did he get?" Atsushi had been quietly job hunting on his own. Though they'd all known, they stayed quiet about it.

"Oh its a lovely little cat cafe." Smiled Kenji, telling them all about it. Dazai's smile wavered because he knew that cafe. Kunikida noticed his change in attitude and looked at him pointedly.

"I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that cafes a front company for the Port Mafia."

"What?!" Yelled Kunikida. Ranpo nodded "no yeah you're right on that."

Atsushi took the news well. And by well, he flopped onto the sofa. And screamed out whole bunch of swears that even had Dazai taken aback.... Before writing them down.

Kenji frowned, patting Atsushi's head like one would a distressed kitten. Atsushi sighed, allowing it for a moment before getting up. "So I finally get a job and I have to quit."

"Not necessarily" Said Dazai, getting everyone's attention. "Unlike most front companies, this one is still a legitimate cafe. It just so happens that the owners are running a successful cafe, while money laundering to the Port Mafia."

Atsushi frowned "well that's great and all. But last I checked I was being hunted by the Port Mafia. Wouldn't this just be me walking into a trap?"

Dazai shook his head "see because the Port Mafia don't own the place, they've given the workers and the business protection from all other criminals. Including the Port Mafia themselves."

Ranpo nodded "you're bounty has to mention of you, simply a white tiger. You're ability isn't registed and as long as you don't use it at work, they won't know otherwise.

Atsushi thinks about it for a bit before nodding, slowly. "Alright... I'll stick with it for now. Should've known it was suspicious that the pay was so good."

He doesn't mention how desperately he needed this job. Nor how relieved he is to keep this one.

Dazai smiles kindly "well congrats Atsushi" he said before jumping up excitedly. "And now we can all eat the celebration cake." Atsushi looks at him, confused "cake?" Ranpo jumps out of his chair "finally! Bring it in Kenji!"

Kenji lights up, hurrying off and returning with a delicious looking chocolate cake with "congratulations" in rainbow coloured icing.

"We got the cake from the cafe but me and Kyouka did the icing." Smiled Kenji, Kyouka nodded with a small smile. Atsushi looked at the cake, overwhelmed and disbelief. "You... You did this, for me?" He asked quietly.

And oh the sheer shock on his face made everyone want to hug this poor kid. But they refrained, knowing that wouldn't go well at all. "Of course we did" said Kyouka, before handing him the first slice.

Atsushi took it, and for the first time since they'd all met him, he put down his rucksack. The rucksack that Atsushi guarded like his life depended on it. That held all his valuables and possessions.

He put it down, and moved to sit with Kenji and Kyouka to eat cake. Everyone subtly exchanged smiles, using all their training not to react and dug into the cake together.

[spookymultimedia]

Do you have any headcanons 4 cartman's pets? :3

Oh I absolutely do!! :D (very very long)

(CW mentions of pet death/loss)

Cartman got Mr.Kitty as a pet when he saw her outside at 4 years old. He chased the cat and physically dragged her inside, which prompted her to freak out in the house. Then Cartman fed her cake and begged pretty please with a cherry on top to keep the kitty. Liane has no choice in the matter really so of course they kept the cat. They didn't give her shots or neuter her, they just gave her a bath and fed her cat food and called it a day.

Cartman got Fluffy from the County Fair from winning a pie eating contest. Liane was shocked to see Cartman with yet another animal he wanted to keep. And she can't say no, so Fluffy came home with them. Funny enough she was actually easier to take care of than the cat. They usually fed her scraps. She had a pretty good diet of food that Cartman was supposed to eat but he gave it to her and pretended to eat his veggies so he could have dessert please. He taught Fluffy a couple of tricks like spinning and sitting on command. He even claimed he was gonna take her to the fair just like Wilbur in that Charlottes Web movie. Fun fact for years Cartman was convinced Wilbur was a girl and hated when people corrected him because he's used to thinking about the character a certain way and didn't feel like changing how he watched it.

He loved fluffy to bits but she died due to hereditary health problems. Instead of telling Cartman the piggy was dead she just fell in love with a daddy pig and ran away with him to have sex and babies. Cartman resents Fluffy for being such a whore and leaving him behind. He still cried in bed about it for a couple nights though.

Once Cartman tried to keep a pet frog. On wet mornings when frogs huddled around all the puddles, he and the other 3 tried to catch frogs. All of the frogs they caught always went missing every time they tried, so eventually they just gave up and moved onto something else.

Once Gerald snatched up Mr.Kitty and took her away by force while Cartman was screaming and crying at him to let her go. Later he claimed she wasn't vaccinated so she was dangerous to be around Cartman, but he was also using her for cheesing. Later Kyle helped Cartman steal his cat back and Liane promised they would give the cats shots and gave her neutered. After that Gerald left their cat alone.

When they got Mr.Kitty neutered they discovered that she's is actually intersex. Cartman was extremely extremely happy to have a pet who's just like him. Well not exactly like him but still.

For years he depended on Mr.Kitty to get him through his audio hallucinations and grounding himself. If she didn't wake up then no one is at the door trying to harm him and it's just his head being weird. Petting her is very therapeutic for him and calms him down when he's experiencing big scary emotions. He also liked letting her in his bed so she can be there if he gets a nightmare.

During middle school his cat went missing and he was extremely upset about it. He kept accusing that his girlfriend Heidi is responsible for the cat going missing. The longer she was missing the more he accused Heidi of lying to him, hurting his cat because she resents him and she's an awful person. For two whole weeks Butters helped Cartman search for his cat. His friends also helped but Butters helped the most. One night while he was driving home without Mr.Kitty yet again and realized he's never going to see his cat ever again. He broke into tears while Butters and Stan comforted him. Later Heidi finds him grieving his cat and she tells him he forgives him for getting upset at her and understands he was just stressed and didn't mean it. Cartman didn't apologize at all and let her hug and console him.

After that Cartman didn't own a pet for several several years. When he was in his late 40s and the most depressed he had ever been in his life, his therapist suggested owning a cat to give him a routine to have and help him cope with loneliness. So he adopted a cat and it worked. After awhile he ended up with 9 cats in his house, but then he got his shit together and gave away the ones that had bad relationships with the other cats or didn't enjoy being in his house. Then he was left with four cats. Which was a pretty big improvement but still makes normal people gawk at him. And he kept those cats for a long long time. I haven't thought much about the other three, but I know one of the cats is a three legged cat named Zipper. He was born like that. He's the fastest of the four cats and the most friendly one.

After Cartman passed away from cancer in his early 60s Kyle and Stan the two cats Cartman still had. The cats where very comforting for Kyle since he had a harder time coping with his the loss.

And not a pet headcannon technically but Kyle had a habit of putting cat food and cat nip near Cartman's gave to "keep him company." People give Kyle weird looks when he brings cat food to a graveyard but it makes him happy so he doesn't care.

[mahs-dumpster]

On the house

a/n: this was fun to write!!! Fun Fact: I actually wrote this when I was first starting to post about daiggie, and I completely forgot this fic existed until today when I was bored scrolling through my wip... So I went and finished it lol

cw: oc x canon (Daisy x Ruggie)

words: 953

“There ya go, one chocolate milkshake, one strawberry milkshake, one omelet and one vanilla cake with an orange juice!” said Ruggie as he quickly and carefully laid all said items on the table, remembering exactly which one was who’s. “Anything else?” 

“No, I think we’re good for now. Thank you, Ruggie-senpai.” Daisy smiled at him and he gave her a wink as he smiled.

“Ok! Call me if ya need me, fresh meat.” He said, referring to the group of freshmen, but before he walked away to take someone else's order, he quickly looked at Daisy and added: “oh, Daisy: ya can just call me Ruggie.” 

With that, he was gone, off to look after another customer in the Mostro Lounge as Daisy couldn't contain her smile. She began to drink her chocolate milkshake until she noticed a pair of eyes staring at her. She lifted her head only to see Ace drinking his own strawberry milkshake, eyes stuck on her.

“What?”

“When are you two just going to start dating and be done with it?”

Daisy choked on her milkshake, Grim lightly hitting her back to help her as Deuce stopped eating his omelet to try and somehow help his friend. After a while, when the girl finally was able to regain her posture, she breathed in and out and glared at Ace with annoyance, while he continued unfazed.

“W-what are you talking about?” She asked, telling Grim she was alright. 

“Please. You two can barely keep your eyes off each other. It's irritating.” 

“I think they're perfectly fine.” Deuce said, finally going back to his omelet and Ace just rolled his eyes. 

“You wouldn't know when people are into each other, you're too dumb for that.” 

“Hey–”

“Guys, please.” Daisy said, catching both of their attention. She looked at Ace one more time, her fingers playing with the straw in her milkshake. “Ace, do you– do you think he– I mean…”

“Yes, he likes you. He makes it painfully obvious too, I'm shocked you didn't notice until now.” Ace answered and Daisy felt her cheeks growing warmer, so she went back to drinking her milkshake to distract herself.

“You mean Ruggie’s got a crush on Daisy?” Grim asked, his mouth full with cake. He finished swallowing his food and started thinking, a paw on his chin. “Now that you said it… he does show up often throughout the day.”

“T-that’s just because he’s busy doing odd jobs and errands for Leona-senpai all around campus. It's natural he gets to see us often…” Daisy tried to make up an excuse, not believing the idea that Ruggie would like her of all people.

“Actually, now that I think of it… I’m pretty sure you mentioned Bucchi-senpai coming to Ramshackle fairly often, no?” Deuce questioned and Daisy tried denying it once again.

“H-he just needed my help with some stuff recently! That's why he shows up!”

“Daisy. He told you to stop using honorifics.” It was Ace’s turn to give his own piece of evidence.

“We’re friends! Wouldn't it be strange if  I called you ‘Ace-san’? It's the same thing!”

“Who’s friends?” Ruggie’s sudden voice made itself known and all of them flinched, realizing the topic of the conversation was here at this moment. Ruggie lifted an eyebrow at that. “You guys ok or?”

“Y-yeah, we’re fine, senpai, no need to worry! Right, Ace?” Deuce tried, nudging Ace to cooperate, and with a heavy groan the ginger nodded. 

Ruggie didn't look convinced, but he let the topic die. Then, he laid a plate with a slice of a kind of pie in from of Daisy, making the girl look at him despite her red cheeks. 

“Is this for us?” Grim’s mouth watered looking at the food, but Ruggie prevented him from getting any closer to the plate, making the small cat-like creature grumble.

“It's for Daisy. A pumpkin pie, and don't worry, it's on the house.” 

“On the– wait, no, you don't need to, seriously, this will get you in trouble with–” Daisy tried to give him the plate back but Ruggie denied it.

“Azul owed me something.” Ruggie smirked at the idea. “I asked him for a free slice of pie in return. Simple as that.”

Daisy's eyes went back to the pie. It was her favorite flavor… Why was he doing that to her anyway? He couldn't possibly gain anything from it so… why? She couldn't understand.

Ah… her face felt ever warmer now.

“But there's always a price.” Ruggie grinned. “I need help with some chores this Friday. You better be at the Mirror Chamber at 5.”

“Chores?” She mumbled, a bit confused. Still, she knew how Ruggie worked, and she was used to doing chores around Ramshackle, — and back in her own world — so she’d be fine, but… “why do you need my help?”

The beastman's ears twitched as he looked away with an awkward laugh. Ace side eyed Daisy and Deuce simply looked curiously at the interaction while Grim was back at devouring his piece of cake. It felt awkward for a bit, Ruggie didn't really have a proper answer for her question, which only made the small hope in Daisy’s heart grow.

“Because.” He gave up, deciding to end the subject as he heard another customer asking for his service. “Enjoy your pie. See ya on Friday.” 

With that, the four of them were left alone once again, and Daisy started poking at the pie while failing to contain a giddy smile. She cut herself a bite sized piece and brought it to her mouth, enjoying everything about it.

It was one of the best pumpkin pies she had tasted in a while.

“Have fun on your date.”

“It's not a date!”

[ashton-sano]

Food Wars! Shokugeki no Souma in: Having a Baker S/o

(Char. Involved: Sōma Yukihira, Akira Hayama, Erina Nakiri, Takumi Aldini)

Sōma Yukihira

-Same old Soma tbh

-Sees you as quite the worthy adversary whether or not you're better than he is

-Always the first one to try your dishes

“C’mon! Lemme have a taste, it looks so good!”

-Biggest supporter honestly 

-It doesn't make him any less likely to make you try his gross dishes though

“Oh don't be a scaredy cat, Just one bite!” 

-At least one food war per day honestly

      -Tiring, to say the least

-I'd like to think he has a sweet tooth so you being a baker is like heaven for him

“Everything is here. The cake is cooling in the fridge, The fondant is rolled and properly colored and the frosting is-'' I pause my listing as I realize the frosting isn't where I left it. “Huh?” Did I misplace it or something? “Could've sworn I left it right here.” I blink twice in an attempt to backtrack from when I had it. “Okay, so I remember grabbing the ingredients from the fridge, then setting them right here,” pointing to the counter as I pull a pout. “Then I brought out the stand mixer and began making it. Afterward, I turned away to put the mixer away but when I turned back I still remember seeing it.” I close my eyes in hopes that’ll jog my memory, “Then I ran to my room to get my molding knives and called Soma in to watch the Strawberry puree boiling.” Wait. I called Soma. “I came back and that's when I don't recall seeing it.” That bastard. “SOMA!” I yell throughout the dorm as I dash to his room in a fit of annoyance. As I made my way past several of my roommates, they each gave a fearful expression and made way for me to get by. I clutch the doorknob, slamming the door wide open as I catch the thief red-handed. He had the spoon halfway in his mouth as the frosting was mostly gone, eyes slightly dilating at my entrance. “Oh, Uh...Hey Y/n.” I glare at him, “Why are you eating my frosting.” He looks anywhere but my gaze as he lets out a nervous chuckle, “It looked good so I took a bit and then a bit turned into a spoonful, and well you see what happened.” I sigh, “Whatever, just know you’re making me dinner for the next month for that.” He smirks, “Why say that like it's a bad thing? I love making food for you, Y/n.” My heart warms at his sentiment, “Yeah yeah.” I make my way to close the door but stop just short to peek my head in, “However, do that again and I’ll make sure the only thing you can eat is frosting.” He drops his smile to replace it with worry at my threat, “Yes ma’am.” I close the door and shake my head, too touched to be truly mad. “He thought it was that good?” I let out a breathy laugh on my way back to the kitchen to remake it, “Stop making me want you to come back to steal my food you idiot.” 

Akira Hayama

-Very proud of you 

-However, he isn't very keen on showing it so you’ll have to be patient

-There are some things you add in that even he doesn't sniff out which is probably the only time he’ll get curious and ask about it

“Making something new? What crazy ingredient did you add this time, hm?”

-May act all mean but he is actually very excited when you come to let him try your food

         -Never call him out though, he’ll always deny it

- “This again? Still hard at work trying to perfect it, are you? Fine ill have a taste.”

-Don't let the facade fool you, he’d hate if you asked anyone else to try your food.

       -Can be a bit childish when it comes to that

“Is it too salty?” He smacks his lips a few times, taking in the flavor. “If anything it's a bit lumpy, kinda dry too.” I scrunch my face, “Odd. Could've sworn I kept the heat low enough. Guess I wasn't paying enough attention.” He tilts his head, “The flavors aren't bad though, honestly pretty perfect if you ask me.” I give a small smile, delighted by his praise. “Sorry to drag you all the way here for this Soma.” He gives a low chuckle, “No problem. I'm always down to taste test, especially your amazing food!” I grab the plate with the crumbs of the cake I had recently made and brought it to the sink, “You do not need to flatter me.” He shakes his head, “No flattery needed. You’re talented, nothing to sugar coat y’know.” I wasn't sure how to respond to such blatant compliments so I settled for a small lopsided grin.  “Thanks, that means a lot. Especially coming from the first seat of the council himself.” A light pink brushed his cheeks, “Now whos doing the flattering? It's nothing to brag about. I do have a lot I must improve on.” His ability to grow never ceases to surprise me, “You have quite the determined spirit, it's admirable.” 

“Yeah, I'm sure he's quite the guy.” 

We both turn to the voice that chimed in, “Ah, Akira, how's it going?” Soma inquires with his usual enthusiasm but the albino doesn't share the sentiment. “Fine. What's happening here?” I don't miss his dismissive tone as he turns himself to me. “Soma was just taste-testing a recent cake I was making.” He narrowed his eyes for a moment, “Well how's that going?” He asked but I'm certain he didn't really want the honest answer to that. “Still need some tweaking, but good overall.” He folds his arms, “Well I'm glad he's been of assistance. Now I think thats enough for today, it's getting late.” Its 6:30… Soma chirps up, “Well i gotta head out, needa prepare some stuff for tomorrow's food war, see ya’!” He waves as he leaves the room, and for a split second, you could see a glint of a smirk on Akira’s face.

“You’re such a jealous child.”

“Shut up.”

“You know I'm right.” He pulls me in, pressing a warm kiss to my forehead, “You don't need him to taste your food. I was here y’know.” I rest on his chest, “You never really seemed interested in tasting my food so I asked Soma since he wasn't busy.” He tightens his grip, “Don't do that again. Just come to me and ill give you feedback.” I give a knowing smile but don't comment on his obvious jealousy, “Well ill keep that in mind.”

Erina Nakiri

-A true sweetheart honestly

-Will 100% help you with your sweets and pastries as the loving girlfriend she is

-Baking dates every weekend is a must

 “Quite the variety you have! All this for just one night?”

-Takes a little more time to judge the taste since she does truly enjoy your food and doesn't want to miss any key flavors

       -Has to take a few tastes to actually take it in and not just judge with her god tongue and all that

“Wow, this is well made! The ganache you used brings a beautiful contrast to the moisture from the cake; well done my dear.”

-Basically, her and Hisako's relationship if they were dating; just very doting and sweet entanglement

 -Loves when you surprise her with your treats after/during a long day

      -Simply brightens her whole day

  (might be ooc)

    The kitchen brimmed with anticipation as I stood beside her as she flour-dusted the countertops, and the sweet scent of vanilla permeated the air. Today, she had invited me to step into her world, to experience the artistry she crafted every day.

I watched with admiration as Y/n effortlessly measured ingredients, their hands moving with precision and grace. Their culinary intuition was a marvel, as they expertly combined flavors and textures to create a symphony of tastes. The kitchen became their canvas, and I was fortunate enough to witness the strokes of their pure genius.

With every task that was to assigned me, Y/n’s patience and guidance enveloped me. They encouraged me to embrace the techniques, trust my instincts, and pour love into each step. Their professional expertise blended with unwavering belief in me, ignited a newfound passion within my heart.

As we worked side by side, I absorbed their knowledge like a sponge. They shared secrets and tricks, while their insights lifted my baking skills to new heights. The boundaries between teacher and student blurred, as our connection deepened and our shared love for the craft blossomed.

The oven hummed, the heat embracing our creations with warmth and anticipation. Together, we carefully placed our masterpieces inside, entrusting them to the alchemy of heat and time. The kitchen transformed into a sanctuary of hope and creativity, where dreams and flavors melded together.

As we waited for our creations to bake, Y/n's presence filled the room with an aura of confidence. They smiled,  eyes gleaming with pride and love. At that moment, I knew that this experience was not just about baking—it was a testament to the beautiful bond we shared.

As the aroma of freshly baked goods filled the air, we opened the oven with eager anticipation. The sight before us took my breath away—golden perfection, a testament to our collaboration and dedication. With a sense of accomplishment, we adorned our creations with delicate touches, transforming them into edible works of art.

Sitting at the table, forks in hand, we tasted the fruits of our labor. Each bite danced on my taste buds, an orchestra of flavors that sang of our love and shared passion. At that moment, I felt the warmth of Y/n’s presence, the fulfillment of our culinary journey, and the sweet taste of a love nurtured by the joy of creation.

Baking with Y/n was more than an adventure in the kitchen—it was a glimpse into her world, a celebration of her talent, and a reminder of the beautiful bond we shared. Together, we wove a tapestry of flavors and emotions, creating a lasting memory that would forever sweeten our lives.

Takumi Aldini

-A tad competitive 

-Will mellow out when you’re practicing your craft though

-Absolutely will stare hard at you (but do not point that out, he will blush and pout)

“N-No! I wasn't staring. I don't know what you’re talking about.”

-Please make him some, will be fussy if you don't let him have what you made

-Will always give you pointers though so never be afraid to ask

    -Especially loves it when you come up to him to ask; makes him feel all bubbly inside And a bit outside too. (Again, don't point it out. Tsun-Tsun.)

I carefully dusted the final touches of powdered sugar onto the delicate pastries, admiring the golden crust and the perfectly piped cream filling. My heart swelled with pride as I surveyed the display of my creations in the bakery. This was my passion, my art—the result of years of dedication and hard work.

Just as I was about to take a step back to fully appreciate the beauty before me, I felt a pair of arms wrapping around my waist. Takumi, my Italian chef boyfriend, nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine.

"Y/n, these look amazing," he murmured, his voice filled with admiration. "But you know, there's something missing."

I turned my head to catch a glimpse of his mischievous smile. "Oh? And what might that be?"

He pouted playfully, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Well, you see, I've been craving your sweet treats all day. You can't just tempt me with these delectable pastries and not save a few for your beloved Italian chef."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his theatrics. Takumi had a way of tugging at my heartstrings with his charm and infectious enthusiasm for food.

"All right, all right," I relented, unable to resist his request. "I'll save a couple of pastries just for you. But you better be prepared to savor every bite, Takumi."

He grinned triumphantly, his eyes gleaming with delight. "That's what I like to hear, Y/n. You know just how to make me happy."

As I carefully set aside a small box of pastries reserved exclusively for him, I couldn't help but marvel at the power food had to bring us closer. Our shared love for culinary delights was a bond that we cherished—a language of flavors and textures that spoke volumes in our relationship.

And so, with a secret stash of pastries hidden away, I looked forward to the moment when Takumi would indulge in my sweet creations. Because in those moments, as he savored every bite, I knew that our connection was strengthened, and our love for each other grew sweeter, one dessert at a time.

(This is my first writing piece on this platform so it's not the best but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Never hesitate to make a request and ill make time for it.)

[spiralinghours]

“Personal Assistant” Pt 6

Fandom: Saw franchise

Characters/Pairing: Mark Hoffman x fem/afab reader

Rating: PG-13? For this part maybe?

Tags/Warnings: feeding kink, belly kink, chubby Hoffman (duh obviously), bratty behavior, banter, switchy behavior for both characters, animal name calling/terms (lotta bear and maybe some pig and/or cat endearments here), general adult language

Summary: It’s Hoffman’s birthday so his secretary takes him out (even if her motivation is pretty selfish).

Author’s Notes: Written as a light, little distraction, so please enjoy—hopefully it’s a nice little distraction for you too.

None of these installments really take place in any particular order, btw. They’re just little slices of life.

WAY MORE emphasis on the feedery stuff in this one. Just be warned (or be excited idk).

As usual, there might be grammatical and spelling errors that I’ll try and fix later.

Hoffman begrudgingly (though still tender and endeared towards you) let you drag him around downtown, settling at some nice though generic enough restaurant that you had made reservations at. He wasn’t a man super keen and enthused about celebrations and milestones, which was why he moved hesitantly along when you sprung it on him that you were taking him out for his birthday. It took some investigative work on your own, under his nose, but in a workplace where everything about everyone was on record, in print, it wasn’t hard to learn his birthdate.

“Cheer up, you big grumpy bear,” you chimed, guiding him towards the restaurant entrance with a hand on his back.

“You must really be sweet on me to go to this trouble. You know I don’t care about this kinda thing.”

“Don’t make it sound sappy,” you hushed him. “Secretaries do shit like this for their bosses. Keep them organized and on task and content. It may as well be part of my job.”

“I dunno, darlin’. There’s a lot you do for me that isn’t necessarily part of the job description.”

“So don’t let it go to your big head, because maybe that’s for me. Anyways, you better say thank you. You’re gonna love it here.” You bustled around hautily, feeling as though you should have clipped a leash to your boss to get him to haul his ass. (“He’d probably like that,” you noted.)

His stern features softened, taking a moment to cast a glance down at you warmly. “I know I will, babydoll. Maybe I’m humoring you because you went to so much trouble. And you look so pretty.” His look took a sassy slant as he looped a finger through a loose strand of hair hanging by your ear.

“Oh yeah yeah,” you rolled your eyes (one time of hundreds to come that night). You leaned your head away, strand of hair untangling from his finger. “You’re humoring me? You act like you’re not excited to eat.”

“I think you’re the one excited that I’m gonna be eating,” he grinned in that smug feline way. He made a demonstration of grazing a hand over his softened belly, which you smacked lightly.

You took hold of his necktie (a nicer heather purple one you had picked out and left in his office that morning, almost as a threatening reminder of the occasion) and yanked it lightly, bringing his face down towards yours. “We can turn around and leave. Because you don’t sound so excited to have a nice dinner, birthday boy.” You sliced in the moniker like a cutting insult.

Hoffman enclosed his large hands around yours, still encircling his tie. “This is very sweet of you, and I would love nothing more than to have my very beautiful—and very hard ass—assistant spoil me and shove cake in my mouth for dessert.”

Your eyes lit up. “I’ll shove cake in your mouth if you’re good and finish all your food. All of it.”

“Whatever you want, honey. I’m on my best behavior tonight.”

You loosened your hand from his tie, letting your fingertips drift down his chest. “I’m gonna roll you outta here when we’re done,” you whispered, voice a little rough on the edges with excitement. But it was so goofy you had to giggle.

“That’s kinky, baby. I wish you would.” He gave you that snarky grin once again and let you drag him through the foyer by his jacket lapel.

—

You had sort of glazed over what all Hoffman had eaten, even though he let you order each course for him. The only vague reminders were the remaining dishes with crumbles of sausage and sauce, or some coated in chimichurri and bloody steak juices. A lot of meat and pasta for a big guy, you justified.

More attention was paid to how worn Hoffman was looking, and how he had adjusted his pants as he finished off each dish. You had noticed at two separate points his hands roamed downwards to undo some buttons; the first time was the lowest button on his shirt, which tucked uncomfortably tight under the curve of his belly; the second time was the main button on his pants, which would have been straining more obviously if not for his belt and suspenders keeping him strapped into his clothes.

You peeked under the table to confirm which buttons and other clasps had come undone. Grinning, you reached your high heel across the booth to toe at his gut teasingly.

You could see him wince slightly as he gripped your ankle and started massaging your calf—all an attempt to stop poking at his overfull belly.

“Please, baby, none of that now,” he pleaded softly, tiredly. He was so cute and pathetic with his sleepy blue eyes and his muffled little burps, all the while still tending to rubbing your leg (as if it wasn’t his own birthday that he should have been pampered on).

“So no cake?” you pried, eyebrows raised.

He looked at you somewhat defeated—all typical traces of sarcasm and cockiness dulled down (but never completely gone). “Can we take it to go? I think I need to lay down.”

“Of course, Hoffy-Bear. I’ll be nice about it since it’s your birthday. I guess.” You blepped your tongue out at him before gesturing towards the server for a little to-go cake and the check (on Hoffman’s card of course).

Once those final details had been squared away, you took your time getting up from the booth, savoring the way your boss heaved himself to his feet. The way he pulled himself up and out from the cushy red seating was such a feat, looking heavy and laborious. He hadn’t bothered fastening back up the two loosened buttons, but instead did the whole maneuver of hoisting his belt and waistband up with a small grunt.

He wasn’t the type to let on that he was struggling—at least not in public—and so kept his whining and wincing under his breath… Though his shallow breathing was hard to mask. Especially with the foolish attempts to suck in his gut, which barely moved with his inhale, so it rounded out burdensomely in front of him. Being so stuffed and moving so cautiously only emphasized the distinct waddle in his gait.

“Need help?” you couldn’t help but pipe up, spikes and lace all in your tone. As you stood, you placed one hand on his lower back—as you had when you all had entered—but the other secured firmly to his stomach, all solid and warm.

“Thought you were gonna be nice,” he grumbled at you.

You just giggled, guiding him out with slow, steady steps.

—

“Comfy, sir?” you inquired in an overly-babying tone.

You two had hauled it back to your apartment (Hoffman was seldom big on having you over at his, blaming the lack of comfort or too much mess) where you had let your boss settle back onto your bed. Lacey, silky trimmings fluttered around him as he took in the comfort of all your pillows under his back and head.

He didn’t quite answer, though he looked to be on the brink of sleep: eyes shading down lower than usual, blue irises glassy. A fragile ��Mmmm” left his lips.

“Too tired for that birthday cake?” you prodded.

“Ugh… I guess not. Not if you promise to be sweet on me if I eat it.”

“Of course, Hoffy. Anyways, you gotta blow out your candle and make a wish.”

He nodded incoherently, allowing you the moment to retrieve the cake in the kitchen and plate it up with a single lit candle.

When you returned, seating yourself within the little room his lap allowed, he had groggily repositioned himself so that his suspenders were undone and slack at his sides, with one hand enveloped beneath his undershirt, and the other clutching one of your stuffed animals in the cleft between his chest and his tummy. It was too adorable. If he was more awake to catch you gawking he would’ve barbed something smart off at you. But he was so damn tired.

“Okay make a wish,” you instructed, cake held out in front of his face.

“Not even gonna sing to me, huh?”

“Do you really want me to?”

You exchanged shit-giving glances before he blew out the little flame. You immediately scooped a heaping bite of Devil’s Food onto the fork and poised it before his lips, your other hand gingerly propping his chin up.

Without question, he slid his mouth over the fork, pinkened thick lips becoming slick with frosting and saliva.

The motion repeated in silence, save for some quiet groans and hiccups on his part. The thing was, the slice was bigger than typical—really meant to serve two to four people.

“Such a good boy for finishing all that,” you cooed with a slight edge of condescending playfulness. “Whatta big bear.” You set the plate aside and gave his belly a light but firm pat. Other than the very obvious visual evidence, you could feel how stuffed he was in how his gut barely had any give to the touch, under that black, stiff, starched fabric. Only a solid wobble as he shifted around and breathed.

“Ugh, I feel like going into hibernation. You don’t need to coddle me like that,” he snipped, too incapacitated to sound threatening.

“Maybe I wanna. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

“Nothing I guess. Too full of cake… Which is entirely your fault.”

You were about to sass him for such choice words, when you decided to indulge in the situation instead. You spread your fingers over his broad sides, brushing up against the dips of his love handles, and raked your touch in a deep massage.

Hoffman squirmed slightly, a tiny frustrated grunt bumbling from his lips. “Knew it.”

“What?” you feigned offense, not relenting at your soft, slow presses into his bulk.

“This wasn’t for my birthday, this was so you could get me all fat and sleepy and play with me like I’m some kinda toy.”

“Aren’t you? My big stuffed bear,” you laughed lightly.

It was his turn to roll his eyes at you. Nonetheless he reached a hand over one of yours, guiding your smaller palm around his gut. “Right there… Ah… Yes. Like that. A little softer, please.”

“Usually I’d give you shit for trying to micromanage me, but I did promise to be nice.”

“That’s right.” Hoffman pinched your chin with his free hand.

You undid the rest of his shirt buttons, looking over how the tight white shirt underneath had rolled up over the curve of his stomach.

“I know it’s not typical,” he went on, “but would it be so bad if I fell asleep here tonight? I’m fucking exhausted.”

“You don’t have to work tomorrow?”

“I made a point to take tomorrow off. So if I’m not at work, neither are you.”

“I can’t argue with that,” you murmured, roaming your hands up to his face, pushing away the unkempt curtain of black hair that had previously been slicked back. “Well, I’ll be sure to get up early anyways. Gotta make you a decent breakfast.”

[i-am-xp-64]

It's my mom's birthday today! 🎂🎉🍻

...

Ok I know I said I have mommy issues before and I still do but this woman is like surprise card

If you lucky, one day she be so motherly and all, and some moments she try her best to make everyone feel hatred in life-

So let's just say I have uply downly mommy issues 😅

Anyway-

Today I had a course so I didn't able to attend to the little cake cutting my dad did at her work place, but it's ok tho

She gave me some cake too after I came to visit her after course

My brother wanted to sent her a meal from him workplace but she were already ate (my mom can't eat so much because of her appetite after it)

Then I think her brother(my mom's brother) sent her some flowers because a delivery man came with a big ass bouquet of flowers, saying if was for her

I thought to myself, well I'mma just use the "forget" in "forgive and forget" and but her a gift, so I sneak out from her workplace as "go to check something" and when to a hot topic kind of store (there's a lot of those around there and I didn't had too much money)

I buy a little pretty gift box and a iron clover Bracelet and then I ready the gift and go back to the workplace to give it

She loved it so much :3

So yeah, I just wanted to tell some stuff

Oh! Also I saw a cat entering a gift shop and the workers there called it "the boss" lol

Anyway that's all

Happy birthday mom🎉🎂🍰🎁🎊

[thateldribitch]

So I feel like not enough people know about Hedgehogs in the TWST community, sooo let me tell you ALL about them as someone who has worked in an exotic pet store.

So the full context is that the pet store bred and sold hedgehogs. We sold the babies, kept the adults, and it was pretty chill. We didn’t do anything like separate them until the babies were big enough, which I think took a month or two? Can’t quite recall. Either way, I’ve dealt with hedgehogs and cared for them extensively. And I don’t hate them, but wouldn’t want one as a pet. They’re high maintenance little dudes, but most of my tone here is from working retail here haha. So sorry if it sounds sliiiightly negative; not my intention.

I loved the job but I had favorite animals to work with— rats were the best, fuck mice, screw you random banana ball python(the only animal that ever bit me there haha.)

Let me start with the positives:

1. Adorable

2. Cute

3. Very soft bellies

4. They like their quills being stroked back

With that out of the way, here are some interesting things about them:

- Hedgehogs are technically venomous. Their quills have a light coating of it, but at most it usually just irritates skin. Always wash your hands after handling a hedgehog.

- Whenever hedgehogs run, they poop. So every. Night. We would have to clean their caked wheels. Usually this would be done in the morning so customers didn’t think we were neglecting them, but *no one* would want to. Either way, if the wheel got bad, you had to wash it. It is not pleasant. When I say caked, I mean crusted, would have to soak, scrub, and oh my god did it never want to come off—

Anyway cannot blame Heartslabyul boys for not wanting to do so. Again, they’re high maintenance little dudes!

- Hedgehogs are omnivores. What we fed them at the pet store was: wet cat food, veggies, and hedgehog pellets. I think there was some sort of calcium we added as well. Are there fancier diets? Oh yes. And I think Riddle would only feed them fresh veggies, probably the best ones.

- They are mean if not socialized properly. Now; it was a pet store and the breeder hedgehogs were meant to not be interacted with much. Because, Yknow, if you bug them with babies we were always warned they’d *eat* them. This never happened when I was there, but I think it was more of an extreme ‘what if’ to encourage staff not to mess with the babies.

- They make the weirdest sounds when angry. You can also hear their quills when they puff them out. It’s a weird “whewhe click”. Poor babs got scared and balled up and did that.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my hedgetalk. Hope this helps with fanfics?

[whatdudtheysay]

Maid cafes ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

Toji fushiguro x F!reader (Black female reader)

Context - Toji finally goes along with Gojo to a maid café he's been bugging him about.

Cw - smut , use of strong language (not proofread so sorry for errors)

Part 2

Toji regretted it as soon as they entered. Why? Well the welcome was enough for him to want to go home.

A pink haired girl in a maid dress, fluffy cat ears adorned her cosplay. Toji thought she was cute, sure but the whole place wasn't his style. He stuck out like a sore thumb in his black button up shirt and grey paid pants whilst Gojo wore lighter attire.

"Welcome to the sweet treats café!" The pink haired maid greeted the pair, bowing out of respect. "Oh, master Gojo, would you like for me to get your usual table?"

Gojo shook his head.

"No thanks Diane, a table for two on the balcony should be good."

The maid toji now knew as Diane nodded with a smile, leading them upstairs and into the balcony area which was less crowded.

"I'll get a server with you guys as soon as possible." Diane informed once they were seated, giving them one last sweet smile before heading back downstairs.

Toji sighed deeply, already regretting coming here. This was where the next hour and a half of his break would be spent. An overly pink decorated cafe with plushies and pink cats decorated.

"She's a cute one right?" Gojo hummed, flicking through the menu.

Toji just shrugged, taking his own menu and looking through the different cakes and sweets that were available.

"You fucked her yet?" Toji asked, focusing on some of the more basic options. I mean, how the fuck was he supposed to know what a strawberry matcha delight was?

Gojo almost choked on his saliva, looking around to make sure there weren't any kids.

"geez. You really have no filter." He rolled his eyes.

Toji raised a brow.

"And that isn't your business."

He got his answer.

He was about to complain more but the sound of heels clacking made him pause, both him and Gojo looking towards the stairs.

As told, a maid showed. But Toji didn't expect the so-called 'maid' to look like that. He practically froze. You were dressed in the light pink maid costume but the skirt looked a lot shorter, pink lace thigh highs hugging your legs, hands hosting pink and white lacy cuffs whilst your head held pink cat ears, long light brown french curls with some streaks being pink coming down to your back, tied back in a high pony tail.

For once in his life, toji was speechless, watching silently as you walked over.

"Ah, master Gojo!" You greeted, bowing slightly. Fuck your voice was the cherry on the cake.

"it's so lovely to see you again. And you are.."

Toji realised you were talking to him and that he'd been staring longer than he wanted.

"Oh." Gojo interrupted. "This is my co-worker, Toji."

You smiled wholeheartedly. "It's nice to meet you master Toji." You bowed slightly.

He cleared his throat, beads of sweat starting to build at his forehead.

"Feelings mutual."

"So," you started, bringing out your notepad. "What can I get for you both?"

"I'll have the tiramisu with a white chocolate glaze and a black coffee."

You jotted Gojo's order down quickly, your attention moving to toji after.

"And for you, sir?"

Toji's mind was going wild and he finally realised he hadn't even chosen.

Gojo just sighed and flipped toji's menu so it was closed, placing it on top of his.

"He'll get the chocolate and vanilla cake and the same drink."

You smiled and jotted that down before taking both menus from Gojo.

"Alright, thanks. I'll be up here soon with that."

When you were finally gone Gojo turned to toji with a shit eating grin.

"That whipped by a girl you just met? You're sweating"

Toji swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry.

"Shut up." Toji brushed off, using his sleeve to wipe the sweat off his forehead, Gojo laughing in return.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't though. You were too pretty for your own good. And even though he had just met you, he already wanted you.

After minutes of painful teasing from Gojo, you finally returned, tray in hand, your face focused on balancing it all, a giveaway that you weren't the most dexterous waitress here.

You placed the tray down gently, a proud look on your face.

"Phew.." you whispered, "Enjoy your meal!"

You then skipped off. Toji was slightly distracted though. Looking at the stairs every time he heard heels or shuffling of feet, hoping to see you, only to be disappointed by other maids or guests. Luckily for him though, the balcony area soon began to become more crowded, meaning he got to see you a couple of times, talking to different people and interacting with kids that ran by every so often. Distracted by your presence so much that he wasn't even sure as to what Gojo was babbling about.

"And then I said, Sarah, you can't just steal food from the work fridge all the time and- toji? Toji!"

"Hm?" Toji hummed, still looking at you taking orders from a nearby table.

"Dude. You're being creepy." Gojo pointed out, finally making toji look down at his plate again. "If you're that interested in her then get her number. We gotta get back to the office in 15 minutes."

Usually that would be easy for Toji but there was something about you that was different. For one, you weren't just one of the girls he'd sleep with when he went to different clubs or parties.

Gojo practically deadpanned toji at his reluctance before calling you over, toji's heart dropping to his ass.

You quickly wrapped up the table you were attending before skipping over to their table.

"Can I do anything else for you guys?"

"Well, we're ready to wrap up here, could we get the check?"

You nodded before clearing the table, taking the messy tray back downstairs. Once you were gone, Gojo faced Toji with a mischievous look.

"Get her number. Put it on my card." Gojo quickly said before placing his card down and leaving the table before Toji could even react.

Toji mentally cursed himself, the only option was for him to wait for you to come back up. He waited and waited. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes felt like hours. Why was he acting like this?

Eventually, you finally came back up again, an apologetic smile on your lips.

"So sorry for the holdup! Did master Gojo leave already?"

Toji felt his head blur before he snapped back into it.

"Yeah. Shit....uh, can you put it on this card?"

You nodded, taking the card from Toji, your fingers slightly brushing against his gave Toji a weird surge of electricity, watching as you tapped it against the card reader, waiting before a confirmation sound came from the reader, giving toji the card back.

"Please, let me walk you out." You offered. And you were too fucking cute to say no to so toji ended up agreeing, walking down the stairs with you to see that the place had become a lot more crowded. He guessed this was rush hour.

Just as you got to the doors toji bit his tongue before deciding to go for it.

"Hey..." Toji mentally slapped himself. He hadn't even gotten your name off of Gojo and you didn't have a tag. "Uh...can I get your number."

You stared at him silently, just blinking before snapping back to reality.

"Oh- of course, sure-" you stammered.

Toji offered you his phone, watching as you typed your digits into his mobile before handing it back to him.

Toji took his phone, staring at the contact, expecting to see your name but just saw the words "maid café girl".

He was about to ask but by the time he looked back up you were a few steps away.

"I'll see you, please come again soon-"

Toji just nodded, walking out and taking in a deep breath of air, tension finally being let off of his chest.

Guess he had something to thank Gojo for anyway.

⎯⎯ ୨ ୧ ⎯⎯

"Shit-" toji cursed, his hand moving faster over his erection, brows knitted together as he gripped the sheets.

He'd made a big mess of his aftermath on both him and his bed, some leaking onto the floor. He'd been up since he got home and now it was 1am in the morning and here he was, rubbing his hard cock with only you in his mind.

At first, his thoughts about you became a lot more lewd, leading to him getting an erection that wouldn't be ignored, instead giving him an uncomfortable ache. And once he started he couldn't stop, thoughts of you flooding his mind.

He wanted to fuck you from behind in your uniform and listen to how you struggled to take him. Or even better, fuck you on the counter of the maid café and watch as your pretty eyes rolled back as he sunk into your wet pussy.

Toji whined pathetically as he felt another orgasm coming up, grunts coming from deep into his throat.

Or maybe he'd make you choke on his dick, watching as your tiny hands tried to stroke what you couldn't fit in your mouth, your pretty eyes looking up at him pleadingly.

That was enough for Toji. He groaned loudly as his cum spurted out in thick ropes, making a mess on the floor. He finally sighed in relief, watching as his erection finally began to calm down. He laid flat against his bed, the cool sheets giving him comfort.

Once Toji finally got himself and his room cleaned, he laid in bed, staring at his phone before finally deciding to text you.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗