#oh to be a pretty cat eating pretty cake

[baepsays]

How to breakup with your boyfriend — not a guide.

tw: mentions of food, just NSFW stuff, mention of periods, oral (m. receiving, f. receiving), p in v sex, no clear pronouns used for the reader, but written as a fem oriented person, insecurities, trauma responses.

If someone asked you what's your boyfriend like? — you'd say, "GREAT!"

And no it is not to compensate for the fact how badly you want to break up with him. It is infact that he is just great! No complaints really. Gojo Satoru was perfect.

He was kind, caring, attentive, and sweet. He knew when to just sit there and agree with you when you're telling him about this horrible fight you had with your parents, and not give you unwanted and unsolicited advice. He also knows exactly at what time to feed your cats, water your plants, how you like your coffee, which days you do your laundry — how you like them done. Which specific clothes are supposed to be sent for dry cleaning, and he drops them off on his way to work and pick them back up when they are done.

Satoru knows what foods you are allergic to, and which ones you're 'allergic' to (read: do not like to eat)—so he will be the first one at a table full of people you've known for decades, to say something like, "oh this dish has corn? Ah. Y/n can't have corn, allergies you know."

He also knows which detergent to pick up, which fabric softer you use. He knows your period dates and the brand of tampons and pads you use. He remembers your birthday, your cat's birthday, your parents' birthday, your bestfriend's birthday! He gets you your favourite cake to celebrate your promotion. He will watch every bad movie, every gore or horror movie and whatever you want, it doesn't matter if he doesn't like them.

He is one of those people who will cover the head of the car's entrence after opening the door for you so you don't hit your head there, he'll cover the corner and the sides of the table as you move around to find something you dropped and urge you to sit back up, so he can pick it up for you.

When you guys kissed for the first time, he let you take the lead, to make you feel comfortable knowing that you're quite inexperienced. He'd rather eat you out for days on, tongue inside you, on your clit, fingers and all than have you give him a head. Unless you want to! And sometimes you do want to. And when you do, despite his urge to push your head down on his cock, he resists. His hands are always in your hair, pushing it back in a comfortable ponytail. Always complimenting you and telling you how well you're doing. He won't leave marks on you if you don't want him to cause of an important work event, he'll even resist his impending urge to bite you. Even sex is just very sweet, he's the most gentle when pushing himself inside you. He simply worships your body and-

Ugh! You get it! He is absolutely picture perfect.

So back to the matter at hand. Why would you ever want to break up with a person like that? Maybe because he is just TOO perfect. There is a thing called overbearing, sometimes it feels like— he's too overwhelming, and all too consumed with you.

You do not really mind the last part—but maybe you don't want a man who's straight out of fiction! You weren't familiar with such treatment all your life really, this all can be too new. You do see him treating others more roughly when needed. But he's just so delicate with you. Not that it is a bad thing, but sometimes you'd rather he stayed rough around the edges. Being treated like a fragile doll to the maximum does sound great in theory, but in practice it can make you feel pathetic.

You have tried to breakup with satoru on multiple occasions. First you started dropping hints here and there, seeming to be uncertain about your future together —all he'd say is, "don't worry your pretty head about the future sweets, I'm planning accordingly."

You've started picking unreasonable fights with him more often, whether you'd get genuinely pissed off or not, you'd fight him over the most silliest things. "Why did you turn over the pillow on this side?? You should know I don't like this side! How could you not know!? It's like you don't even know me Satoru!"

All he'd respond with, "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I am genuinely so disappointed in myself. I hope you can forgive me please. I'll make sure to know which side you prefer better from now on. Please sit down and let me finish painting rest of your nails."

Yeah so that also didn't work out huh.

So you opted for for this weird strategy. You told him you wanted to get a nose job — to make it bigger! (No shaming anyone for wanting that just saying this is a very silly strategy you've decided upon). Satoru just smiled and kissed your nose, told you that whatever you'd like to do, he'd love you anyway (Insufferably loving man).

Then you stopped reciprocating his kisses, doging them even. You went as far as to try to not have sex with him. But this bastard is too good, and unfortunately for you despite wanting to break up with him you just still really love him. Too much. And he loves you. Too much.

You'd move your head away and he'd cradle your head in his hands and make you look at him, then let this staring contest go on until you just give in and pull him into a kiss. He'd be very sly about his choice of clothing, his touches, and get you all riled up that you can't just help it! "What happened to the sex ban sweets?" Satoru would whisper smugly in your ears while thrusting in you. Bastard! Even trying to control your expressions mid sex to make yourself seem disinterested was not on the table! He's just that good.

And infact satoru is better than what you think of him. And he's much more perceptive than what you give him the credit for. Because he picked up on this little mission of yours the exact day you probably thought to yourself —i need to leave him. You stayed up the whole night one day and silently went to the living room to go on the internet and search up articles about 'how to break up with my boyfriend'.

I wouldn't say he was not hurt. But he also understood you. He understood you more than yourself at times. He understands that you haven't had the best childhood and the best parents around, resulting into this hyper independent mindset you've curated. You'd rather bleed to death than ask for help. And he gets that you can sometimes get in your own head about things. But he was ready to tackle those things head on the day he signed up to fall inadvertently in love with you. And if you want to make excuses to your friends about him being too soft for the reason behind wanting to break up with him—

He can show you rough. As long as he gets to keep you all to himself, love you and cherish you. However you want.

A/n: dividers by— @/omi-resources. To check out more of my stuff click this.

[chuuyrr]

KISSIN' AND HOPE THEY CAUGHT US — DAZAI OSAMU

⊹ CW(s): f! reader, suggestive (kissing, touching, and making out in the office), dazai being a menace, established relationship, mentions of marriage, lovesick! dazai

⊹ SYNOPSIS: in which he wants you, and for you two to get caught

inspired by: agora hills by doja cat !

dazai osamu could never keep his hands to himself. he was dazai for goodness sake, and he has no shame, especially when it comes to you.

he enjoys being near to you at work just as much as he enjoys being with you in private. so, dazai takes every opportunity to be with you, whether it's holding your hand or twirling a strand of your hair in his hand while you work on reports, subtly leaning his head against your shoulder, or secretly squeezing your thigh, and he always loves the pink blush that spreads on your cheeks as you whisper yell him about pda.

but that's what makes it so difficult for him; dazai loves you too much to keep you a secret. you were his, and he wants everyone to know who you belong to, as well as who he belongs to.

you were about halfway through the papers given to you by the president when dazai slides next to you in his swivel chair, whining as he clings to your arm, "belladonna!~"

"osamu, i'm busy," you smile and giggle, but you quickly switch up, changing your tone as you sigh and flick his forehead, prompting a tiny scream and pout from him, "busy doing the papers you should be doing, mister."

"oh, come on! everyone has already gone out for lunch, and we're the only ones left here!" dazai grumbles as he wraps his arms around you after rubbing his forehead.

"and you insisted on staying with me! ugh, well maybe if you helped me, we can both get some lunch like the oth—" your eyes widen as dazai snatches the papers from your desk, putting them out of your reach and even causing some of the notepads and pens you had on your desk to roll off.

you gasp sharply, opening your mouth to scold him, but he slams his lips against yours, earning you a groan from him.

dazai's hands reach for your waist as he feverishly kisses you, his warm lips pressing deeply yet eagerly against yours.

you turn your face away, attempting to avoid his kiss as you let out a soft whine, trying to tell him off, "not now, osamu!"

but, alas, he closes the gap between you once more, this time much closer as his hands tenderly slide down and hold your hips to pull you into his lap.

dazai feels you squirm on his lap and finds himself chuckling in between the kisses, but he simply holds you firmly, one hand tenderly carressing your hip and the other now on the back of your neck to hold you in place.

how could he resist such a work of art as you? the way the sunlight from the window delicately highlights your face just for him to admire as your hair frames everything perfectly like icing on a cake, and don't even get him started on how you always smell so sweet like vanilla with your perfume.

dazai loves every single part of you and feels the need to be always closer to you, so he has his attention on you like a moth to a flame as you were a temptation for him.

you're so warm and plush in his embrace, and you can feel his warmth seeping through your clothes as much as his hands tenderly hold you in place on his lap.

"m-mmh, osamu. please—" you try to speak again, but he shuts you up with his lips once more, his kiss a demand as well as a declaration of love and desire.

"hush for a second, pretty girl," dazai's breath tickles your lips as he pulls away just a fraction before his lips were on yours again.

"then stop eating my face," you whine softly, grabbing his shoulders and successfully yanking your face away from him.

"aww, and why should i?" dazai says, smirking as he caresses your hip with one hand while the other glides from the back of your neck to your cheek to cup it, "you're just so tempting my dear."

"w-we're at work!" you stammer, squirming on his lap once more, "now put me down or else we might get caught, osamu!"

"too bad," dazai rolls his eyes at you, pinching your cheek before pulling you by the chin, so you were now nose-to-nose with each other.

you feel blood rush into your cheeks at his proximity, and even more so when he says the following words to you.

"i want us to get caught."

at this point, your face was on fire. in fact, the room—no, everything becomes too hot all of a sudden, prompting you to raise your voice out of surprise, "w-what? are you crazy?!"

"crazy in love with you, that is," dazai winks at you before tracing your cheek with his nose, trailing it down as his breath tickles your neck this time, and his breathy voice sends tingles up and down your spine, making you unable to sit still on his lap, "and you have no idea just how far a crazy man would go for his darling angel."

"your hips are an altar i would worship anytime of the day, my love," he whispers as his hands sensually trail from your neck and waist to your hips, squeezing them as he kisses your neck.

as one of his hands began to slip under your shirt, your breaths hitch and you couldn't help but let out a soft whine, and dazai revels in the feel of your skin as he kisses your neck, writing his love on it with marks and soft groans.

"and i know heaven is a thing because i go there whenever i touch you, and whenever i'm with you, baby," he groans with indulgence as his lips continue to kiss and bite at your neck, his hands slipping under your shirt now, caressing your side, the spot just under your chest.

dazai's emotions were all over the place, but it was desire mixed with exasperation. he immerses himself in the sensation of your lips and body during the heated moment, closing the gap between you with undeniable intimacy.

"fuck, i wanna tie the knot," he says in hushed mumbles, completely in love with you.

dazai lifts his head from your neck and presses his forehead against yours tenderly, his hands now cupping your face at a daydream of you that he has now engraved in his mind, "i wanna see my pretty girl in a wedding dress, walking up to me to be with me til' death do us part."

"and i just wanna show her off. tell everyone she's mine and no one else's," a soft, low growl escapes his breath as he claims your lips one more time with a feverish deep kiss to mark his territory, but this time it comes with a hint of tenderness as he strokes your cheek.

"osamu, we're gonna get caught," you say softly, your breath shaky, your hands still gripping his shoulders as he continues his assault of kisses.

"then let them catch us, sweetheart. you're mine to brag about," you feel dazai's smirk against your lips, and his hands on your hips again, but this time they're sliding down to squeeze your thighs in a firm grasp that causes you to squirm on his lap and wrap your arms around his neck.

dazai then purposefully but playfully bounces you on his lap, causing you to let out a sharp gasp mixed with a whine. suddenly, you hear footsteps outside the office door just as his hands begin to slip further past, and your eyes widen. it was as if he knew your coworkers were about to return from their lunch break, and he did know that.

your heart rate increases with strange excitement and fear. you squirm and try to pull yourself up and away from his lap, but he simply holds you tighter against him, his arms now locking around your waist to keep you in place.

"h-hey, now! let me go!" you whisper yell.

"oh, no. you stay right where you are, my pretty girl. i'm not letting you go," dazai says with a grin, finding amusement in your panic, "nope."

"what are we gonna tell them if they see us like this?! kunikida is gonna scold us!"

"heh, tell em' that we were kissing and hoping they caught us~"

"OSAMU!"

⊹ A.N: happy halloween! ok, but like, after re-reading this and stuff, this was waaaay better in my head ૮꒰ つᯅ⊂ ꒱ა ՞ˎˊ˗

[pixelscutz]

random jjk headcannons ₊˚✩

nanami - huge fan of doja cat

i’m not even sure why, but for some reason, the lyrics of her songs always turn him on. i mean come on? he can definitely relate to all of her lyrics,, wait actually no that sounds wrong. I hope yk what i mean. 

itadori - loves being babied 

although he wants to be a tough and protective guy in public, trust me, when you two are alone, he loves to lay in between your thighs and hear you sing sweet words to him. now that is the closest thing he has towards heaven. 

megumi - secretly has a sweet tooth

“hell no, i’m not eating that sugary shit, do you think i’m trying to speedrun diabetes?” 

and thennn you’ll find him secretly eating the leftover cake on his bed at 3am.

nobera- used to believe in ghost stories 

tbh, she still believes in some of the ghost stories, i mean when she first found out about jeff the killer and momo she fell down a rabbit hole of worries and fears on what she would do if they randomly appeared one day. although she now knows they don’t exist, she can’t help but always take extra precautions

sukuna - loves being praised like he’s a toddler 

I mean, we already think this guy’s ego is pretty big, but come on? “oh sukuna, you cleaned the kitchen? thank you love, you did such a good job!” he would be rolling his eyes, but secretly he’s jumping and screaming with joy

gojo - loves ariana grande & sabrina carpeter

gojo def understands how to treat a women,, i mean have you seen ari’s and sabrina’s lyrics? they teach him a lot about how to treat a woman, - heck he even studies them.

itadori + nobera - love to troll kids on roblox 

i mean, although they do save people from monsters and supernaturals everyday,, beefing with a couple of kids online doesn’t do any harm..

megumi - huge fnaf kid 

i know i can not be the only one who believes in this, i mean, the entire lore fanctinates him. if you ask him what fnaf is about, he will give you a deep breakdown from start to finish 

megumi + gojo - thinks of gojo as a father figure but will never admit it

once megumi called gojo dad,, yeah and that’s when gojo found out what megumi thinks of him and will always tease him abt it 

sukuna - has a extensive skincare and hair routine

i mean come on? have you ever wondered how his skin is always gleaming, and his hair is so silky? it’s obious this man loves to take care of himself but he will NEVER admit it 

megumi + itadori - they secretly watch romance animes together 

this is the definition of bromance, and they always love gushing over who’s their favorite ship, the annoying characters.. etc etc. so far,, fruit basket is their favorite !

part two soon ? :> 

[nabipumpum]

🍓̟!! Strawberry flavor ᴹⁱⁿʲⁱ ˣ ᶠ!ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

Pairing - Kim Minji x 6th member! reader {req}

Genre - fluff

Synopsis - Somehow you charmed Minji the moment you met, it wasn't in her plans to fall in love with your group member, but she did, maybe it's not so bad.

Warnings - 🚫

Word count - 1.821

Newjeans masterlist

When Minji met you, the first thing she thought was, “She smells like strawberries,” the second thing she thought was, “Shit, she’s so pretty,” that was almost enough for her to fall in love with you, but it was still too early to tell.

“Minji-unnie! Look!” you smiled with a cat plush in your arms, you proudly showed it to the girl “I got it for you, you said you liked it.” the girl smiled.

“Really? Thank you.” somehow, your smile got brighter, melting Minji’s heart “You didn’t have to.” she took the cat and watched it for a few seconds until you got closer and spoke softly.

“My mother always said that we don’t need reasons to give gifts to people we love.” Minji’s cheeks heated up.

The third thing Minji thought was: “Does she love me?”.

During a live stream, the six of you were sitting around talking to each other and answering some comments. You were as excited as ever. You and Danielle were nicknamed “Smileyz” by the bunnies, and today was no different. You two were the ones who interacted the most with the comments on that live stream. That’s something you never get tired of. Minji admires that about you.

“Minji looks pretty tonight.” You read a comment out loud, catching the girls’ attention.

“Oh, really?” The girl smiled shyly, not because of the comment, but because you were the one who said it.

“That’s a lie.” You frowned and the girls now looked at you confused, you smiled and looked at Minji, your fingers lightly running over her shoulder “Because Minji-unnie looks pretty every day, doesn’t she?” You heard the girls’ disapproving murmurs and Minji’s cheeks turning red and moving away from you and the camera’s frame.

“Oh God, she’s been doing this all night, ignore her guys.” Hanni said and you laughed.

“It’s not my fault she’s so pretty.”

The fourth thing Minji thought was: “Does she think I’m pretty?”

You smiled and waved to the airport cameras. Minji watched you with a small smile on her face that turned into a bigger smile when you turned to her. You approached her and linked your arm with hers.

“Are you happy?” you asked her, holding her tightly, as if she would run away from you at any moment.

“Very…” you noticed when she looked at your lips for a few seconds, this made you unconsciously get closer but then you moved away when you remembered the people and the cameras around.

“I think I’ll bake a strawberry cake when we get home, what do you think? Or maybe a pie.” You waited for the girl’s opinion.

“I think both options are good.”

“No, choose one!” You shook the girl slightly, she laughed, everyone noticed how she laughs more when she’s with you and it even seems like she’s a little high, you make her high.

“Okay, then… Pie.” You smiled.

“Good, that’s what I wanted.”

Minji loves how you always bake pies and cakes every week, those are her favorites.

You placed the freshly baked pie on the counter, your members leaving the room and going to the kitchen to see what you had made.

“This looks so good.” Danielle came closer and smelled it “It smells so good too.”

“Yes, Y/n-unnie, can we eat it?” Hyein pleaded and you laughed.

“It’s hot, at least let it cool down a little.” the girls protested and you pushed them back into the room “Get out! Get out! Come back when I call you.” but before Minji could go with them, you pulled her “Ahm… Can you help me with something?” you smiled, Hanni watched.

“Uh-huh, yes, help.” you pushed her and pulled Minji.

“What do you need?” she watched you bend down to open the cabinet.

“I… I just didn’t want the girls to see me giving it to you.” you picked up a small box “There’s not enough for everyone.” you opened it and handed some red balls to Minji “Gum.” you smiled and the girl did the same.

“I think there’s enough for everyone.” she observed the amount in your hand and in hers.

“Shut up and say thank you.”

“Thank you.” You smiled, Minji smiled.

The fifth thing Minji thought was: “She has the most beautiful smile in the world.”

You strode into the dorm with a large box in your hands. Minji and Haerin were the first to notice you, and Haerin was the first to ask.

“Unnie, why are you so happy?” you looked at the girl.

“There’s something cool in here.” you nodded at the box.

“Are you smuggling drugs?” Hanni asked and you kicked her in the shin.

“It’s something cool but not illegal.” you went to your room.

“Aren’t you even going to show us?” Dani shouted from the kitchen, they only heard you yell “No” before slamming the door.

“I’m sure it’s drugs.”

You placed the box on the floor and opened it quickly, coming across all the gifts you had bought for your friends. You smiled broadly as you took them all out of the box, but one in particular caught your attention.

It had become common for you to give Minji stuffed animals, but this time it was one similar to yours. In fact, the ad said it was for couples, but she didn't need to know that. You smiled and held it against your chest. You texted Minji to tell her to come to your room. In a few seconds, she was knocking on the door.

“Come in.” You watched the girl open the door and smiled, you patted the rug next to you, the girl closed the door before sitting next to you “Look, I bought it for you.”

“Just for me?” She smiled as you handed her the plush.

“I didn’t buy it just for you, but… This one is more…”

“Important? Am I your favorite?”

“Oh, shut up before I regret it.” She laughed, hearing her laugh, you felt butterflies in your stomach, this was becoming common for you “They’re a duo.” You showed her your plush “Like it was me and you, only in plush toys…” You looked down as if you regretted what you said “It’s stupid…”

“Hey, no, don’t say that.” She lifted your chin gently with her fingertips, making you look back at her “It’s cute, I like that about you.” You felt your cheeks burn, in a surge of courage, you approached. “Minji, I-“ you were cut off by the door opening and the two of you turning to look.

“Do you guys want barbecue?”

Sometimes it sucks to have a shared dorm.

You sat on the couch and covered yourself with the blanket, it was finally the weekend and you could finally watch the movie you wanted so much, before you selected, you saw a sleepy Minji coming out of the hallway and looking at you, you smiled at her.

“Did you lose sleep?” she agreed. “Sit here.” You patted the place next to you. The girl came over sleepily and threw herself on the couch. You covered her with your blanket and looked at the girl. “Do you want to watch a movie?” She agreed and you started the movie. It was a horror movie. In fact, you were thankful when Minji arrived because you wouldn’t have to watch the movie alone now.

Minji didn't say much and you assumed it was because she was sleepy, but the truth is that she had lost sleep after dreaming about you, this happened sometimes and she got used to it, but this time it was different.

In the dream she ended up having the courage to confess to you after a show, something that wasn't planned and that you definitely didn't expect because of how her eyes opened in shock and her jaw slowly dropped. This usually wasn't enough to make her wake up and lose sleep, what did was that you refused her, harshly and called her disgusting for thinking that way about you, so Minji continued to hear the word "disgusting" over and over again until she woke up, this was the reason she couldn't sleep anymore.

During the movie, she noticed how you got scared a few times and clutched the blanket in a failed way of calming yourself down.

Minji sneakily held your hand, still looking at the screen, so she didn't notice when you looked at her in surprise or how your cheeks turned pink from the warm touch of her palm on yours, you tried to pay attention to the movie after that, but you couldn't take your attention away from your intertwined hands or when she caressed your hand with her thumb and gave you goosebumps.

One of the things you thought about Minji was: “She would make a great girlfriend.”

Minji brushed her hair with her fingertips, her forehead sweaty and her breathing heavy from practice. You looked at her, the girls had gone out to get food since you had finally finished practice, you approached her and handed her a glass of water, receiving a quiet thank you.

“Do you like me, Minji-unnie?” the girl spat out the water that was in her mouth and looked at you with wide eyes.

“Huh?”

“Do you like me?” you stepped closer and tilted your head slightly to the side.

“I… Why do you-“

“Yes or no?”

“Y/n…”

“Answer me!” she sighed and looked down.

“Yes.”

“Really?” you stood in front of her “Unnie, look at me.” she slowly raised her head and you smiled “Do you really like me?”

“I do.” you hugged her tightly, making her take a step back before wrapping her arm around you.

“I like you too, unnie.” you pulled away just enough to look at her “So, what are we now?” Minji was still in shock, you found it cute.

“Girlfriends?” she said quietly, you smiled more and hugged her again, but pulled away afterwards.

“Can… Can I kiss you?” Now you were the one who was shy, the girl nodded and you approached, smiling before finally touching your lips, a kiss that you both had been waiting for for a long time, Minji felt goosebumps when she felt you caress the back of her neck with affection, you both tried to be delicate, especially her, kissing you as if you were a fragile doll, you separated and looked at her.

“We're here!” you both separated quickly when the door opened “We brought roast pork.” you ran to Dani and looked at the bag.

“Minji, are you okay? Why is the floor wet?”

The sixth thing Minji thought was: “Strawberry flavor.”

[neerons]

Some of Yves Kloss’ best quotes

"He caaaaaaaaame! " (—Yves screaming about Clavis)

"You're the most common commoner I've ever seen. You have no redeeming features to speak of. Why should I accept someone like that?"

"Choosing me shows how sophisticated you are. You won't regret it." (—Yves' changing route quote)

"Y-You call that a CAKE...?" (—Yves reacting to Clavis' gift)

"If this shameless behavior goes on any longer, you’ll find out what happens if you test my patience. I suggest that you don’t." (—Yves defending Emma in front of a noblewoman that bullied her)

"ExCUSE me? What on earth are you doing hiding in my closet?!"

"Excuse me? And why not?! I’m going to tell everyone, so we can figure out how best to punish her for what she did to you! (…) Huh?! Hey, no, you’ve got it all wrong! This isn’t kindness! I just know I’d end up with the worst stomachache if something happened to you because of me!" (—Yves defending Emma)

"Why should you have to be the one to carry such a heavy burden? This is a problem between two nations. It’s not the sort of thing a simple, kind-hearted woman like yourself needs to get involved in."

"…Emma really is amazing. I could never do anything like that. I always wanted to be a bridge that could bring Obsidian and Rhodolite together… But I was despised just for being half-Obsidianite, and I accepted it all, like it was completely normal. I never did a single thing to actually improve the relationship between our countries. I didn’t even think I could. It takes courage and resolve to approach someone when you’re completely at odds with them. It’s not easy, not in the slightest. I bet it’s left Emma in tears countless times. But even so, she’s still here now, holding her head high and taking that first step towards peace. She really is… amazing. (…) She’s so beautiful it’s dazzling. (…) I’ve spent my whole life with my head down, seeing nothing but the ground at my feet. I really need to change—I need to learn from her example." (—Yves talking about Emma to Leon)

"Fhwhwh...?! Oh my god. How is my little brother this adorable?!" (—Yves talking about Licht)

"Know this: Yves Kloss loves you, and he's always thinking about you. There's not a day you're not in his thoughts."

"You do realize you're pretty, no matter what?"

"For the record? Each time you make me happy, I swear I'll make you even happier."

"H-Hey... Have you really not noticed that I, Yves Kloss, am waiting for the right moment to talk with you?"

"U-Um, Emma... Don't tell me you're... with both of them...?" (—Yves talking about Emma holding Gilbert's and Clavis' hands)

"Just the thought of being tossed into a den full of women sends a shiver up my spine..."

"Did you just say... LOVE?!" (—Yves to Licht and Leon)

"I guess you captivated me. You were always striving to be perfect, and... that's the Emma I fell in love with."

"Y-You think you can just be all cute and get away with it, huh?"

"Please don't cry, Emma. When you cry... my heart aches so badly I don't know what to do."

"I'm not a prince to be pitied. It doesn't matter if no one accepts me. The only one I need acceptance from is me. (...) It doesn't matter what other people say. What's the point, if you can't trust yourself, and believe in your own worth? Even if they trample you under their filthy, worn boots—so long as you hold your head high and believe in yourself, it'll only make you stronger."

"Okay, which of you gave Licht wine?! How many times have I told you not to?!"

"There are so many people in the world who hate me. But... I hate me more than any of them."

"Aww, Licht, don't be so down. Failure is an unavoidable part of cooking!" (—Yves reassuring a sulking Licht)

"I'm never making dessert for any of you ever again!! You're all horrible and you can eat dirt for all I care!"

"I am NOT a cat!!!"

"...I know that kindness of yours is probably a virtue, but I can't help worrying that you're going to kindness yourself to death one day."

"What? No! I didn't meow. Why on earth would I meow?!"

"You're my goddess of happiness. I... thank you for coming, Emma."

"He's such a brazen fool! Not a principled bone in his body, and he's incorrigible to boot!" (—Yves talking about Nokto)

"Listen, you didn't hear this from me, but... Licht made almost five hundred attempts before he baked an edible batch of cookies. (...) That boy really loves you a lot. So much that it gives me heartburn just thinking about it."

"I often get told that I don't have luck. But when I talk to you, I feel like my life isn't all that bad."

"I hope she comes soo... WAHH! W-Warn me when you come!"

[synthbug]

I LOVE THIS SOOO MUCHHH WHATT‼️‼️🦋💙💙 AWWW THE THE SILLIES AND THE FUNNIES ‼️ THANK U SOO MUCH OH MY GOSH I CANT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE THIS✨️💥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @atlcscp !!!!! sorry they dropped your cake on the way to the party!!

[robo-milky]

SR! New Years Attire! Cloche

Summon:

“欢迎光临! いらっしゃいませ! Bienvenue! Willkommen! Please come in, dear customers!”

[Voicelines Below]

Groovy: [Locked]

Summon Line: I WAS apart of my old school’s student council, peer tutor program, theatre production… You think I can’t put on a fake smile here and there?

Home: Do it for the paycheque, do it for the paycheque-

Home Idle 1: If you ask me, New Years is where it’s at for big family celebrations. Hot pot, incense burning, all that ritual stuff. Annoying to clean up after, but the red pockets are worth it.

Home Idle 2: Truth be told, it’s my first time working a job. I have volunteered, but that’s all for a good university application.

Home Idle 3: Rice cakes are not all made equal. They can be sweet, savoury, and even spicy. People who can’t eat rice cakes plain have no taste. …Though daifuku is pretty good…

Home Idle Login: New Year’s resolutions are pretty pointless. Why not get started on that goal any other day? Past behaviour is a good indicator of future behaviour, after all.

Home Idle Groovy: [Locked]

Home Tap 1: Ah~ I get to see my beloved Master Rook working hard and stacking shelves! …But Master Jade’s blocking the view.

Home Tap 2: Kadomatsu, was it? I guess in my old home we did have something similar to that. It was just this tiny bunch of bamboo sprouts braided together. Not as fancy as the bamboo here, but it did bring some life into the living room.

Home Tap 3: On one hand, acting cute ‘wike thwis’ with Master Ortho rakes in a lot of tips… but it’s just so embarrassing!

Home Tap 4: This apron is so much softer than my regular one, and it has pockets. This one has a cat’s face on it! Though it’s a shame aprons are meant to get dirty.

Home Tap 5: Would you like any complimentary tea or snacks as you wait in line ♡— oh it’s just you.

Home Tap Groovy: [LOCKED]

[lunchboxpoems]

I'M NOT A RELIGIOUS PERSON BUT

God sent an angel. One of his least qualified, though. Fluent only in

Lemme get back to you. The angel sounded like me, early twenties,

unpaid interning. Proficient in fetching coffee, sending super

vague emails. It got so bad God personally had to speak to me.

This was annoying because I’m not a religious person. I thought

I’d made this clear to God by reading Harry Potter & not attending

church except for gay weddings. God did not listen to me. God is

not a good listener. I said Stop it please, I’ll give you wedding cake,

money, candy, marijuana. Go talk to married people, politicians,

children, reality TV stars. I’ll even set up a booth for you,

then everyone who wants to talk to you can do so

without the stuffy house of worship, the stuffier middlemen,

& the football blimps that accidentally intercept prayers

on their way to heaven. I’ll keep the booth decorations simple

but attractive: stickers of angels & cats, because I’m not religious

but didn’t people worship cats? Thing is, God couldn’t take a hint.

My doctor said to eat an apple every day. My best friend said to stop

sleeping with guys with messiah complexes. My mother said she is

pretty sure she had sex with my father so I can’t be some new

Asian Jesus. I tried to enrage God by saying things like When I asked 

my mother about you, she was in the middle of making dinner

so she just said Too busy. I tried to confuse God by saying I am 

a made-up dinosaur & a real dinosaur & who knows maybe 

I love you, but then God ended up relating to me. God said I am

a good dinosaur but also sort of evil & sometimes loving no one.

It rained & we stayed inside. Played a few rounds of backgammon.

We used our indoor voices. It got so quiet I asked God

about the afterlife. Its existence, human continued existence.

He said Oh. That. Then sent his angel again. Who said Ummmmmmm.

I never heard from God or his rookie angel after that. I miss them.

Like creatures I made up or found in a book, then got to know a bit.

CHEN CHEN

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Grim - Apprentice Chef Vignette

"Let's keep on doing aaallll these fun things together"

[Kitchen]

Grim: It's… It's…

Grim: IT'S DONEEEE!!

Grim: Look, [Yuu]! My super special awesome cake's finished!

The cake looks like a tuna can…

Grim: Yeah! I made it look like the most delicious thing in the world. See how even the word "tuna" looks good?

Grim: As for what I put inside the cake… That's a surprise for when we eat it! MYAHA!

Grim: I bet this is gonna be the bestest thing on the table. We gotta hurry and get it back to Ramshackle!

[Ramshackle Dorm – Anniversary Party]

Grim: Slowly… Slowly…

Grim: Gently, gently… Careful…

We're almost back to the dorm, you got this!

Grim: Gah, carrying a cake so it doesn't collapse is so hard…!

Grim: …But all the guys we passed on the way here from the cafeteria said it totally looked tasty, yeah?

Grim: Y'know, maybe my genius ain't just in eatin' food, but makin' em, too.

Grim: Back when you and me took the Master Chef course, I thought all this work was a pain, but…

Grim: Now I'm thinkin' that it was good we did it. 'Cause now tasty things can be made into even tastier things!

Grim: Myahaha! Thanks to this cake, today's party's gonna be the cat's meow!

Grim: Ah! But that annoying guy Trein is gonna be there… He might get mad if I get too excited.

Grim: Maaan, he's always findin' things to nag me about. Like the other day, he tried scolding in me when I was runnin' in the halls.

Grim: It pissed me off, so I tried pokin' fun at him, but then he just came at me!

Grim: Obviously I ran, but that old man is faster than he looks…

Grim: And then he just caught me in no time, I wasn't expecting that. Just nabbed me by the neck.

Grim: "Try to be a bit more like Lucius," he said… But I ain't a cat, y'know!

Grim: Don't know if Trein snitched on me or what, but even Crewel got mad at me, saying "Stop causing problems."

Grim: But then Crewel whispered later, "If you're going to tease Trein-sensei, make sure you don't get caught."

Grim: Myahaha! Crewel might be a teacher, but sometimes he's got a wicked side. He gets me.

Grim: …Though, he can be a huge stickler if ya mess around in class or get bad grades.

Grim: I remember the other day was pretty scary. He had us all lined up in a row, and was grilling everyone on who spilled the chemicals on the table…

Grim: No one fessed up, and Ace and Deuce were silently keepin' their heads down, so I stayed quiet too.

Well, we all got held responsible, in the end.

Grim: Tch. Trein and Crewel are both way too strict!

Grim: I like Vargas's class the best. 'Cause I don't need to take difficult notes in his class!

Grim: Like the other day, he started going on and on, saying, "If you want to be a great mage, then you need to have muscles as rippling as mine!" or whatever…

Grim: I was just nodding along, and then class ended with just him talkin' about his own muscles. Myahaha, waaaay too easy～

Grim: …Hm? Wait a mo'.

Grim: Do you think… The reason that Vargas showed up here randomly one morning a few days ago to go exercise together…

Grim: DID HE THINK I WANTED TO TRAIN WITH HIM BECAUSE I WAS NODDING DURING ALL HIS BOASTING!?

Grim: The sun wasn't even up, it was still dark, so that was a real pain!!

Grim: …Man, I think I might like Crewel or Trein better after all, ‘cause they don't cause me problems.

[Ramshackle Dorm – Anniversary Party]

Grim: Y'know, now that I think about it, all the profs here are really strange… Is this school really alright?

Grim: Oh. But I think the strangest guy ain't one of the teachers, but Sam. I'm sure of it!

Grim: And that's cause… Remember the other day when I lost at rock-paper-scissors and I had to go buy snacks by myself?

Grim: Before I even got inside the store, I heard Sam talkin' with someone inside.

Grim: But… When I got inside, he was all alone.

Grim: When I asked who he was chattin' with, he said his "friends on the other side," but… WHAT DOES HE MEAN FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE!?

Grim: He wouldn't tell me no matter how many times I asked. It's so eerie. But man, he's got a ton of cool stuff for sale, so I keep going back.

Grim: I remember then, too, before I could say what I wanted, he already had out the perfect number of snacks I had money for.

Grim: Oh yeah, and Crowley came in the shop right after me. Looks like he's always shoppin' at the Mystery Shop, too.

Grim: He started braggin' to me that he gets to order whatever he wants.

Grim: So I told him I wanted some special tuna cans then, and he says, "This privilege is for teachers only!"

Grim: He just kept on bragging, he's the worst! Crowley's so useless!

We should be thankful, since he let us attend here.

Grim: THANKFUL!? He should be thanking me for gracing this school with my genius!

Grim: And I bet Crowley'd gobble down the whole feast we got prepped if I take my eye off him for even a second…

Grim: No way I'm gonna give him a single bite. This time I'll make sure he's jealous of me.

Grim: Hey, [Yuu]. You 'n me're gonna protect this cake with our lives!

Grim: I might not be able to rely on you to do everythin' yourself, so good things we also got those ghosts.

Grim: If all us Ramshackle folk work together, we could even take on two Crowleys. We'll stun him silent!

Grim: I bet the ghosts're feelin' real alive right now. They were really getting' excited for Founding Day.

Grim: They were all, "It's so wonderful everyone is throwing a party here at Ramshackle～"

Grim: They also said that everything's getting' amped up 'cause we came to Ramshackle.

Grim: Myahaha. So that means… All the fun and happy times are all thanks to me!

1. Exactly!

Grim: Yeah. So you just keep on following me, no worries. Grim: As the boss, it's my job to take care of my henchie!

2. I think you're going a little overboard there.

Grim: Myah!? Y-You… You don't get how good I am to ya, huh!? Grim: I'm always pushin' myself hard doin' things for ya. Like, uh… Uh… ALL SORTS OF THINGS!

Grim: So let's keep on doing aaallll these fun things together!

Grim: Ah. Looks like everyone's here.

Grim: Hey, [Yuu], open the gate. We gotta bring the cake in quick!

Grim: I bet everyone'll be so surprised and happy. Myahaha. I can't wait～!

Requested by @butterflyremix.

[de4dlyniightshade]

Headcanons request:

Spencer’s dream partner. What do you think is important to him? Do you think he has a “type”?

And since you mentioned him and I JUST got the movie to watch - any fun headcanons for Chip??

half of this is me lowkey projecting but sue me. i'm delusional.

has to be patient for sure because he's really inexperienced in all aspects of a relationship and is terrified of rejection so he takes a while to open up about things and be comfortable with certain things.

words of affirmation! he loves being told that he did good at something or that he looks nice and loves doing the same for you because he loves to see your happy expression.

curvy woman lover!!! every time he hears derek talking about curvy women he's always talking about their ass and boobs but spencer is just like <soft3 and <squishy3 he loves to lay his head on a soft pair of thighs.

i don't think he'd have much a preference for like hair colour or length but i think shorter hair is a plus for him so when you're cuddling it's not in his face too much.

loves someone who dresses alternative and doesn't care what others think or how they feel about it.

really shy about pda but also loves it because it shows him you're not embarrassed of him and that you actually like showing him off so he'd probably like someone who's completely comfortable with pda.

has to like cats. i've seen some people saying spencer would never be a cat person bcs he needs them to cuddle him when he wants but you're telling me he wouldn't raise the sweetest little girl cat ever? she'd be already waiting at the door for him beside you wdym???

has to enjoy old movies and music because it's what he likes and listens to and he loves sharing his interests with others.

as for fun chip hcs!!!

very forgetful like it's obvious in the movie he's pretty scatterbrained but oh my god he's the definition of the expression he'd lose his head if it wasn't attached to his neck.

very oblivious to danger and way too trusting and gets himself into some tight situations way too often.

wholeheartedly believes platypuses aren't real.

such a sweetheart like genuinely the most loving and kind man ever but he's just a little slow at times but with the right person it's very endearing rather than annoying.

refuses to eat things he's never tried but claims he doesn't like(me fr)

has such a sweet tooth like it doesn't matter what just anything sweet, especially cake.

can't cook. anything. and is scared of the microwave. claims he doesn't trust it.

loves driving with you and listening to music but it almost always ends up with you in a secluded area and getting it on in the backseats.

[juicywritinghoard]

a few more prompts

This crime is going almost too well?

Can you play with my hair? 

Of all the people to body swap with. Of all the days. 

This is no time for cute cat pictures and heart emojis!!!

And ANOTHER THING. Zombies-

Hey. Honestly? [deep breath] [SCREAMS]

Nothing like yard sale drama and intrigue! 

I did not see your text. Actually I can't read. It's very sad. Sudden onset adult illiteracy is very real-

Do not put it in your mouth! 

I know I got in trouble for buying them a very cool toy last time, but hear me out. 

Bite me. You gotta.

I am not eating this raw, actually. Nope.

How long did it take you to make that for me? NO I am not crying 

You drive me insane. Obviously I would go to hell for you 

What does this button do? I gotta know

Sword fighting is even more charged than I expected and I was not prepared 

I know you grew up in a wet cardboard box all alone but I cannot believe you have not experienced this. I think we have to, right now,  immediately 

We both showed up alone to the couples cake decorating class, so obviously-

Oops! Run

It hurts, but it rules

After a bad day, what we really need is some chocolate and violence.

Meow? Are you kidding me? 

Oh don't even get me STARTED on monsters- 

Pick your battles. As in let go of some of them please I swear you cannot fight it all

You know that object from the thrift store we thought was haunted? Haha so guess what,

Good chances we all die. Counterpoint, everyone who lives gets ice cream with sprinkles, so gear up!

I think I pretty explicitly said not to get it on the carpet.

So your mic wasn't off,

Please dress up with me? Please please please?

It isn't my blood. Don't get it twisted 

Can we kiss behind the mini golf windmill one more time? 

Magic is real, it just looks fake. 

Quick! Propose to me! Also, what's your name? 

We have to get you a new super costume.

You're enchanting. You're resplendent. You're a little bit on fire,

I gotta be honest. I have no idea what's going on and I think I waited too long to say so. Sorry?

Why do they have cat ears? They're supposed to be DEAD

I have normal feelings about this. And regular opinions. And I'm vibrating a reasonable amount.

Help, help, I'm not supposed to be in this universe!! 

I will help you ruin your hair, obviously, but you have to tell me what's going on. 

You wore that to the funeral?? 

Baking is science. Wizardry is science. You know what isn't science? 

Tired, angry, and covered in spaghetti sauce, and here I am at your door. But I can explain?

Bear. Seriously 

gonna destroy you and end your legacy forever xoxo <3

Nothing could possibly make me laugh right now. Don't you dare start doing silly voices at me. 

You know what this giant fancy crystal is good for? Blunt force head trauma 

I know it's super dangerous but when your eyes glow like that I can't focus on the battle at all…

Life finds a way?

Fighting? No, no, we're having a great time arguing about this. 

[gabessquishytum]

Hob is the wedding singer hired to perform at Dream's wedding reception(s) (.........each time he's left at the altar.). A 5+1 romcom.

Hob was hired as a joke by Dream's friends for his wedding reception -- Dream's super intense about his romances and all in for getting married (and his parents/family are soooo buttoned up) that a wedding singer like Hob should (hopefully) losen things up.

1. Dream's wedding is called off a week or two before; Hob charges his 75% cancelation fee;

2. Dream is left at the altar this time; Hob sees him in passing. He charges his full rate since he was ready to go and all set up;

3. A pregnant Calliope calls off the wedding the day of, and since the reception venue is attached to where she and Dream were going to be married, she talks Dream into eating cake and dancing with her -- they'll co-parent, but one of them had to be honest about how ill-suited they were for each other. Hob tries to make sure everyone has fun --- and sees Dream for the first time and is smitten by the sad sack pretty man dancing oh so poorly with the hugely pregnant lady;

4. Left at the alter again (and knowing Hob was at the reception venue), Dream's friends (Matthew, Jessamy, Lucienne, Joanna, Cori) drag him to drink and dance to Hob's singing. Hob finally gets to talk to his favorite broken hearted cutey;

5. At this point, Hob and Dream are friends (it took a while for Dream to get with the program) and while Hob really really likes Dream (he loves him so much), Hob could only watch the train wreck of Dream asking another person who doesn't really understand (or love him like Hob) to marry him.

Hob was not hoping for a repeat of the runaway bride/groom (above all he wants Dream to be happy) .....but on the off chance Hob was bad luck for Dream's weddings,,,,,,Hob agreed to sing at the reception; and

+1. Hob refused to sing for his own wedding!! He needs all the good luck he can muster to secure Dream as his husband.

I live for the idea of Hob being like "Hmm. I like this weird little man. Let me study him like a bug. And also marry him."

And listen, Hob prides himself on the fact that all the couples he's sung for have been very successful! Not a single divorce among them! Dream is managing to spoil that record all by himself, and Hob is determined to see this poor wet cat happily settled down.

He pulls out ALL the stops with romantic playlists and backdrops, sexy lighting, the whole shebang. He's never tried so hard to make his set a success, but he's determined to make the ambience perfect for Dream.

And it still doesn't work. Calliope seems like a lovely lady, though. She even thanks Hob for putting in so much effort. And says she hopes to see him at Dream’s next wedding. Oof.

Admittedly at weddings number 4 and 5, Hob is less determined to make the whole thing a success. He's not actively sabotaging them (Dream definitely doesn't need his help in failing to get married)... but he's not exactly sad when he gets to put his arm around the poor abandoned groom and comfort him in his hour of need. At number 5 Dream falls asleep with his head in Hob’s lap while he sings a soft lullaby, and Hob decides right then and there that there will be no more failed weddings. HE is marrying Dream, and he's not going to let anything stop him.

And so he doesn't perform at their wedding (because he's secretly afraid that it might bring bad luck). And they do make it to the altar, and through the vows, and to the reception - without a single hitch. Dream doesn't seem to stop smiling all day, and it's like he can hardly believe it when they cut the cake and have the first dance. Hob catches him pinching himself several times, which is just adorable.

And much, much later, when they finally tumble into bed to enjoy a sleepy, cozy wedding night... Hob sings Dream to sleep with "I do" by ABBA, and they start the rest of their lives together. Hob is determined to regain his record of 100% successful marriages, and he's not letting Dream go!!

[storkmuffin]

How about you? Do you have a bias wrecker? Also what's your fav Ateez song + favorite performance you've seen thus far?

I am very hopeful that I will be sustained by Ateez stanning for a good long while simply from how very difficult this question is to answer. This is where I stand, as of now, in- I dunno - month four? or five?? of Ateez stanning.

Wooyoung gives me a weird combination of cuteness aggression and whatever feeling that soccer fans get when they scream and burst into tears because some guy kicked a ball really good into a faraway net. What is that? Hero worship? Or like, gender envy (?? I'm super ultra cis, but I've seen this phrase a lot on tumblr and I wonder if this is similar to what I am feeling.) I hang on to his every word, I strain my ears to catch his voice in the songs, and I stop everything I'm doing and contemplate his face whenever the meta or google algorithms choose to show it to me. I also want to just eat him. Bite his face. Not very hard or anything, but you know. Bite. I also want him to blow up and become the biggest star of all time. He was born for this job.

On the other hand, Seonghwa is fascinating. Everything about how he performs anything is fascinating. I wonder about what it would be like to BE Seonghwa. How does it physically feel when you're using your voice in all those different ways? How does it feel to go from stomping macho dance moves to making like a Greek goddess in one mv? What's it like to have the confidence and openness to tell a whole story, to the world, about how one time you burst into tears and cried and cried in public because you didn't have make up on and didn't feel safe going on stage without the shellac giving you cover? But I don't want to, uh, like shove my fingers in his mouth, or anything like that. Not at all. Instead, I want him to think I'm polite and have good manners and am trustworthy, like he said in that Live.

But then! There's San. Oh my god. Lovely, kind, beautiful San who cries easily and can't drink but wants to be a big bad boy. San who looks like he can break your neck using taekwondo but dances like a ballerino. San who hates doing girl group dances but smiles indulgently at his bestie Wooyoung when he goes all kittenmode. Also San who is Guileless but knows exactly what he's doing when he's doing an EDM mating dance on a chair, who knows exactly how pretty he is when he does that? AND ALSO SAN who can look like the roughest toughest Gyeongsangdo boy but when he sings it's all emotional and tearful when he's not going WOOT like he's a fucking US Marine? I want to protect him. But also eat him. And possibly make him cry before I eat him. He will taste like strawberry cake. Does this make him my bias or my wrecker or am I just a pervert?

And see, it was supposed to end there.

But then Minki, who I initially was like, Why is this boy who was born and raised in Korea such an LA fukboi!? Also he is loud and stern and huge and no thanks, had the audacity to be interesting. In an adorable way. He gave the hippo speech. He said his mommy raised him like a princess and he said it with pride and all his macho buddies laughed at him but he is proud of being raised like a princess. So then I looked at him, like, really looked, at his dancing, and now I'm like, Sir. You are 184 cms tall and heavily muscled - why are you so light on your feet? HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT? (I'm still in this deep dive).

OK so OK FINE. So it should end there.

But

BUUTTTTTTTTTTTT

LATAMAtiny who are evidently Catholic have shown me a compilation of Yunho doing HEAD LIPS HEART (Definition: The sign of the cross on the forehead, lips, and heart, which is a prayer that invites Christ to come to us in our minds, lips, and hearts, that we all do in mass before the Gospel reading) for a live performance of HALAZIA and that was such a personal attack that I actually stood up and howled and scared my cat and almost dropped my phone. SIR. SIR? What are you DOING? Now I'm going to have to fucking watch for you in the Halazia dances that I've watched too many times but mainly for Seonghwa doing the thrilling eye-roll chest- thump and figure out what YOU were doing in the meantime because - SIR??!??!

And that leaves Yeosang, HongJoong and Jongho. And I think 3/8 of this group being my little breathing spaces, you know, the members that I can go, Oh hey, friend I respect and admire in a normal way who is a wonderful Idol, I'm so happy to see you, is really great. Healthy. Optimal.

But um. Why is Hongjoong always doing that T-Rex arm thing with the broken wrist? Why is he so single minded and incautious? Why does he casually say things like, I have no friends, except for Seonghwa, when he clearly also gets hella overstimulated when he stands too close to Seonghwa (except when they're working on a song, when he knows exactly what to do and doesn't feel weird).... Is... Is he neuro-weird like me? And he seems so competitive and egotistical, but then he starts tearing up when he hears Seonghwa sing /rap the lyrics he wrote for him?

Staaaaahhhhp.

ALSO did you see Jongho in that one behind the scenes for whatever it was, they all climb into some sort of bed and pretend to be sleeping, where Jongho, as a joke, SINGS THE HARD PART OF KONIGEN DER NACHT ARIA FROM DIE ZAUBERFLOTE, like casually??? AS A PRANK. What? Wait Wait. What?? WHY ARE YOU ABLE TO DO THAT?

And Yeosang. 여상씨! 여상씨?? You shouldn't have done this to me.

Bitch. I have A JOB. OK? I have to make a living and commute and talk to my friends about stuff that isn't Kpop Idols because they're all too fancy for that. I have a LIFE. But now - NOW - because of youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu doing this with your HEAD, because you channeled motherfuckin' Greta Garbo in the middle of this dance (whom you probably don't even know??), I had to start doing a dance observation about you. And that made me realize that a significant part of the lines that I thought were being sung by Seonghwa were actually you and now I have to start all over and I am NOT OK with that.

[spiralinghours]

“Personal Assistant” Pt 6

Fandom: Saw franchise

Characters/Pairing: Mark Hoffman x fem/afab reader

Rating: PG-13? For this part maybe?

Tags/Warnings: feeding kink, belly kink, chubby Hoffman (duh obviously), bratty behavior, banter, switchy behavior for both characters, animal name calling/terms (lotta bear and maybe some pig and/or cat endearments here), general adult language

Summary: It’s Hoffman’s birthday so his secretary takes him out (even if her motivation is pretty selfish).

Author’s Notes: Written as a light, little distraction, so please enjoy—hopefully it’s a nice little distraction for you too.

None of these installments really take place in any particular order, btw. They’re just little slices of life.

WAY MORE emphasis on the feedery stuff in this one. Just be warned (or be excited idk).

As usual, there might be grammatical and spelling errors that I’ll try and fix later.

Hoffman begrudgingly (though still tender and endeared towards you) let you drag him around downtown, settling at some nice though generic enough restaurant that you had made reservations at. He wasn’t a man super keen and enthused about celebrations and milestones, which was why he moved hesitantly along when you sprung it on him that you were taking him out for his birthday. It took some investigative work on your own, under his nose, but in a workplace where everything about everyone was on record, in print, it wasn’t hard to learn his birthdate.

“Cheer up, you big grumpy bear,” you chimed, guiding him towards the restaurant entrance with a hand on his back.

“You must really be sweet on me to go to this trouble. You know I don’t care about this kinda thing.”

“Don’t make it sound sappy,” you hushed him. “Secretaries do shit like this for their bosses. Keep them organized and on task and content. It may as well be part of my job.”

“I dunno, darlin’. There’s a lot you do for me that isn’t necessarily part of the job description.”

“So don’t let it go to your big head, because maybe that’s for me. Anyways, you better say thank you. You’re gonna love it here.” You bustled around hautily, feeling as though you should have clipped a leash to your boss to get him to haul his ass. (“He’d probably like that,” you noted.)

His stern features softened, taking a moment to cast a glance down at you warmly. “I know I will, babydoll. Maybe I’m humoring you because you went to so much trouble. And you look so pretty.” His look took a sassy slant as he looped a finger through a loose strand of hair hanging by your ear.

“Oh yeah yeah,” you rolled your eyes (one time of hundreds to come that night). You leaned your head away, strand of hair untangling from his finger. “You’re humoring me? You act like you’re not excited to eat.”

“I think you’re the one excited that I’m gonna be eating,” he grinned in that smug feline way. He made a demonstration of grazing a hand over his softened belly, which you smacked lightly.

You took hold of his necktie (a nicer heather purple one you had picked out and left in his office that morning, almost as a threatening reminder of the occasion) and yanked it lightly, bringing his face down towards yours. “We can turn around and leave. Because you don’t sound so excited to have a nice dinner, birthday boy.” You sliced in the moniker like a cutting insult.

Hoffman enclosed his large hands around yours, still encircling his tie. “This is very sweet of you, and I would love nothing more than to have my very beautiful—and very hard ass—assistant spoil me and shove cake in my mouth for dessert.”

Your eyes lit up. “I’ll shove cake in your mouth if you’re good and finish all your food. All of it.”

“Whatever you want, honey. I’m on my best behavior tonight.”

You loosened your hand from his tie, letting your fingertips drift down his chest. “I’m gonna roll you outta here when we’re done,” you whispered, voice a little rough on the edges with excitement. But it was so goofy you had to giggle.

“That’s kinky, baby. I wish you would.” He gave you that snarky grin once again and let you drag him through the foyer by his jacket lapel.

—

You had sort of glazed over what all Hoffman had eaten, even though he let you order each course for him. The only vague reminders were the remaining dishes with crumbles of sausage and sauce, or some coated in chimichurri and bloody steak juices. A lot of meat and pasta for a big guy, you justified.

More attention was paid to how worn Hoffman was looking, and how he had adjusted his pants as he finished off each dish. You had noticed at two separate points his hands roamed downwards to undo some buttons; the first time was the lowest button on his shirt, which tucked uncomfortably tight under the curve of his belly; the second time was the main button on his pants, which would have been straining more obviously if not for his belt and suspenders keeping him strapped into his clothes.

You peeked under the table to confirm which buttons and other clasps had come undone. Grinning, you reached your high heel across the booth to toe at his gut teasingly.

You could see him wince slightly as he gripped your ankle and started massaging your calf—all an attempt to stop poking at his overfull belly.

“Please, baby, none of that now,” he pleaded softly, tiredly. He was so cute and pathetic with his sleepy blue eyes and his muffled little burps, all the while still tending to rubbing your leg (as if it wasn’t his own birthday that he should have been pampered on).

“So no cake?” you pried, eyebrows raised.

He looked at you somewhat defeated—all typical traces of sarcasm and cockiness dulled down (but never completely gone). “Can we take it to go? I think I need to lay down.”

“Of course, Hoffy-Bear. I’ll be nice about it since it’s your birthday. I guess.” You blepped your tongue out at him before gesturing towards the server for a little to-go cake and the check (on Hoffman’s card of course).

Once those final details had been squared away, you took your time getting up from the booth, savoring the way your boss heaved himself to his feet. The way he pulled himself up and out from the cushy red seating was such a feat, looking heavy and laborious. He hadn’t bothered fastening back up the two loosened buttons, but instead did the whole maneuver of hoisting his belt and waistband up with a small grunt.

He wasn’t the type to let on that he was struggling—at least not in public—and so kept his whining and wincing under his breath… Though his shallow breathing was hard to mask. Especially with the foolish attempts to suck in his gut, which barely moved with his inhale, so it rounded out burdensomely in front of him. Being so stuffed and moving so cautiously only emphasized the distinct waddle in his gait.

“Need help?” you couldn’t help but pipe up, spikes and lace all in your tone. As you stood, you placed one hand on his lower back—as you had when you all had entered—but the other secured firmly to his stomach, all solid and warm.

“Thought you were gonna be nice,” he grumbled at you.

You just giggled, guiding him out with slow, steady steps.

—

“Comfy, sir?” you inquired in an overly-babying tone.

You two had hauled it back to your apartment (Hoffman was seldom big on having you over at his, blaming the lack of comfort or too much mess) where you had let your boss settle back onto your bed. Lacey, silky trimmings fluttered around him as he took in the comfort of all your pillows under his back and head.

He didn’t quite answer, though he looked to be on the brink of sleep: eyes shading down lower than usual, blue irises glassy. A fragile “Mmmm” left his lips.

“Too tired for that birthday cake?” you prodded.

“Ugh… I guess not. Not if you promise to be sweet on me if I eat it.”

“Of course, Hoffy. Anyways, you gotta blow out your candle and make a wish.”

He nodded incoherently, allowing you the moment to retrieve the cake in the kitchen and plate it up with a single lit candle.

When you returned, seating yourself within the little room his lap allowed, he had groggily repositioned himself so that his suspenders were undone and slack at his sides, with one hand enveloped beneath his undershirt, and the other clutching one of your stuffed animals in the cleft between his chest and his tummy. It was too adorable. If he was more awake to catch you gawking he would’ve barbed something smart off at you. But he was so damn tired.

“Okay make a wish,” you instructed, cake held out in front of his face.

“Not even gonna sing to me, huh?”

“Do you really want me to?”

You exchanged shit-giving glances before he blew out the little flame. You immediately scooped a heaping bite of Devil’s Food onto the fork and poised it before his lips, your other hand gingerly propping his chin up.

Without question, he slid his mouth over the fork, pinkened thick lips becoming slick with frosting and saliva.

The motion repeated in silence, save for some quiet groans and hiccups on his part. The thing was, the slice was bigger than typical—really meant to serve two to four people.

“Such a good boy for finishing all that,” you cooed with a slight edge of condescending playfulness. “Whatta big bear.” You set the plate aside and gave his belly a light but firm pat. Other than the very obvious visual evidence, you could feel how stuffed he was in how his gut barely had any give to the touch, under that black, stiff, starched fabric. Only a solid wobble as he shifted around and breathed.

“Ugh, I feel like going into hibernation. You don’t need to coddle me like that,” he snipped, too incapacitated to sound threatening.

“Maybe I wanna. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

“Nothing I guess. Too full of cake… Which is entirely your fault.”

You were about to sass him for such choice words, when you decided to indulge in the situation instead. You spread your fingers over his broad sides, brushing up against the dips of his love handles, and raked your touch in a deep massage.

Hoffman squirmed slightly, a tiny frustrated grunt bumbling from his lips. “Knew it.”

“What?” you feigned offense, not relenting at your soft, slow presses into his bulk.

“This wasn’t for my birthday, this was so you could get me all fat and sleepy and play with me like I’m some kinda toy.”

“Aren’t you? My big stuffed bear,” you laughed lightly.

It was his turn to roll his eyes at you. Nonetheless he reached a hand over one of yours, guiding your smaller palm around his gut. “Right there… Ah… Yes. Like that. A little softer, please.”

“Usually I’d give you shit for trying to micromanage me, but I did promise to be nice.”

“That’s right.” Hoffman pinched your chin with his free hand.

You undid the rest of his shirt buttons, looking over how the tight white shirt underneath had rolled up over the curve of his stomach.

“I know it’s not typical,” he went on, “but would it be so bad if I fell asleep here tonight? I’m fucking exhausted.”

“You don’t have to work tomorrow?”

“I made a point to take tomorrow off. So if I’m not at work, neither are you.”

“I can’t argue with that,” you murmured, roaming your hands up to his face, pushing away the unkempt curtain of black hair that had previously been slicked back. “Well, I’ll be sure to get up early anyways. Gotta make you a decent breakfast.”

[meowlod]

picnic date with sweetheart furina!! <33

we’d go on a picnic together that’s on a nice patch of grass where the court of fontaine can be seen clearly.

once we set the picnic blanket under the shade, we’d bring out our basket with lots and LOTS of our favorite pastries and desserts! I’d feed her; her favorite cake slices and she’d feed me back as well omggg, she’s just a sweetheart <3

after eating, she’d rest her head on my lap as we gaze up at the clear sky with cloud figures. we’d name them and guess what they look like, crack jokes here and there about them.

we’d also talk about lots of stuff together, whether it’d be serious or not, flirtatious statements here and there- and lots of teasing, too!

oh, and once it starts raining out of the blue, we’d shriek and giggle and run off to a better place where we can’t get wet. but if she decides not to run off, she’d offer me her hand and ask for a dance!! she’d go, “may I have this dance, my lovely lady?” with the sweetest smile on her face HAJSKAJWLDL AND OF COURSE I’D SAY YES, I could never say no to her.

she’d pull me close and tell me how much she loves me and tell me how happy she is, spending time with her loved one <33

aaaand after that, we’d get sick afterwards LMFAO but at least we had our moment together <33!!

PICNIC DATE with her would be the best, oh my god. I NEED to do that. while u guys walk to the picnic place, you both hold hands!!!

biggest sweetheart ever. she will feed you pastries with the sweetest smile ever!!! the prettiest smile!! she never understood how she found the sweetest girlfriend ever, you.

she is pretty flirty with you sometimes every time. and a big teaser too, but she will get red too from the words she says to you!!! red tomato face <3

DEFINITELY dances in the rain with you. i can imagine charlotte secretly taking a picture of the both of you dancing a waltz in the middle of the rainy weather because the picture would look so pretty. she‘ll hand the picture to you and furina keeps it very close to her.

she is SO happy around you, so happy that she finally found someone she can actually trust and love a lot. the last 500 years she had nobody, literally no one. poor baby was so lonely and sad, she couldn‘t even trust anyone with her secrets. she was scared if she gets rejected, even. but when she found you, she never stopped being clingy. furina stays very close to you, and is pretty scared if you leave her! but you told her that you‘ll never leave her and that you will stay by her side forever.

at least you both are sick together and can cuddle in bed for hours, like clingy cats. <3

[starlightshadowsworld]

The Wary Weretiger

It doesn't exactly take a Ranpo for the Agency to know Atsushi is struggling. Not for nothing but Atsushi is a homeless teenager in Yokohama.

No one knows where he stays. No one knows how he's managed to fend for himself or how long he's been on the streets.

They do know the money Atsushi has, he stole. Atsushi had just looked at them coldly and asked if they'd arrest him for it.

Dazai had laughed and said if that was the case Kunikida would arrest him for however many times he's stolen his wallet. Which did lighten the mood again.

The Agency did want to help Atsushi. He had unknowingly wormed his way into everyone's hearts.

But the thing is, Atsushi was stubborn. He not accept help nor ask for it. The teen really was the embodiment of a stray cat.

Atsushi hid his hunger pains and the way his cash was depleting. And if they weren't detectives, they might've fallen for it.

Atsushi himself didn't seem concerned by it. Kenji, bless his heart was the only one who could really mention it. Atsushi had shrugged "tigers can go 2 weeks without food, don't worry about it."

No one really wanted to know how he knew that applied to him.

So, everyone was very excited when Kenji burst into the office one day. Quite literally, the door came straight off it's hinges, yelling "Atsushi got the job!"

Dazai grinned "that's great, what did he get?" Atsushi had been quietly job hunting on his own. Though they'd all known, they stayed quiet about it.

"Oh its a lovely little cat cafe." Smiled Kenji, telling them all about it. Dazai's smile wavered because he knew that cafe. Kunikida noticed his change in attitude and looked at him pointedly.

"I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that cafes a front company for the Port Mafia."

"What?!" Yelled Kunikida. Ranpo nodded "no yeah you're right on that."

Atsushi took the news well. And by well, he flopped onto the sofa. And screamed out whole bunch of swears that even had Dazai taken aback.... Before writing them down.

Kenji frowned, patting Atsushi's head like one would a distressed kitten. Atsushi sighed, allowing it for a moment before getting up. "So I finally get a job and I have to quit."

"Not necessarily" Said Dazai, getting everyone's attention. "Unlike most front companies, this one is still a legitimate cafe. It just so happens that the owners are running a successful cafe, while money laundering to the Port Mafia."

Atsushi frowned "well that's great and all. But last I checked I was being hunted by the Port Mafia. Wouldn't this just be me walking into a trap?"

Dazai shook his head "see because the Port Mafia don't own the place, they've given the workers and the business protection from all other criminals. Including the Port Mafia themselves."

Ranpo nodded "you're bounty has to mention of you, simply a white tiger. You're ability isn't registed and as long as you don't use it at work, they won't know otherwise.

Atsushi thinks about it for a bit before nodding, slowly. "Alright... I'll stick with it for now. Should've known it was suspicious that the pay was so good."

He doesn't mention how desperately he needed this job. Nor how relieved he is to keep this one.

Dazai smiles kindly "well congrats Atsushi" he said before jumping up excitedly. "And now we can all eat the celebration cake." Atsushi looks at him, confused "cake?" Ranpo jumps out of his chair "finally! Bring it in Kenji!"

Kenji lights up, hurrying off and returning with a delicious looking chocolate cake with "congratulations" in rainbow coloured icing.

"We got the cake from the cafe but me and Kyouka did the icing." Smiled Kenji, Kyouka nodded with a small smile. Atsushi looked at the cake, overwhelmed and disbelief. "You... You did this, for me?" He asked quietly.

And oh the sheer shock on his face made everyone want to hug this poor kid. But they refrained, knowing that wouldn't go well at all. "Of course we did" said Kyouka, before handing him the first slice.

Atsushi took it, and for the first time since they'd all met him, he put down his rucksack. The rucksack that Atsushi guarded like his life depended on it. That held all his valuables and possessions.

He put it down, and moved to sit with Kenji and Kyouka to eat cake. Everyone subtly exchanged smiles, using all their training not to react and dug into the cake together.