#oh they are ROOMMATES

[no-place-to-be-happy]

Literally illegal sooob

[honingjongen]

Gotta give it to Reynolds for being able to make a 2 hour long gay slow burn enemies to lovers romcom

[deadsetobsessions]

Short DPXDC prompt #2, from @stealingyourbones.

“It’ll be good for you!” Dick threw an arm around Tim’s shoulders as he beamed his way through Gotham U’s campus.

“I could have done this online. They have virtual degrees. I could have hacked my way into one.”

“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t get the authentic experience!”

The group arrived at the dorm building, one of many, and Damian gave it a dubious once over.

“If this is authentic, I refuse to be a part of the locals.” Damian quietly remarked, before peering cautiously at Dick. “I have obtained my degrees. I do not need this experience.”

“It’s really not that bad, guys.”

“How would you know? You went to Blüdhaven for college.” Tim retorted with the voice of a young man resigned to despair. “You lived off campus and your door pin was Zitka’s birthday, month first then date second.”

“… Tim, why the fuck do you know that.”

“When I knocked on your door, that was just common courtesy. I didn’t actually need you to open it. I could have opened it myself.”

Dick’s smile brightens even further, with the light of an LED bulb instead of his usual sun, and places a hand on Tim’s head. “You’re creepy sometimes, you know that?”

“And you’re careless sometimes, you know that?” Tim groused. “Ugh, whatever. Let’s just get this over with. I can’t believe I’m going to have a roommate.”

“It’ll be fun! And if it isn’t, you can always swap roomies. We have enough pull to have that happen.”

“Doubtlessly.” Damian said. “This campus barely passes the bar of acceptability. Why is the campus like this. Why is it incorporated into the city.”

Tim smirked. Even though Damian spoke with formal language only found in the highest of echelons of society, Jon’s influence was beginning to make itself known. Good for him, the little shit. Privately, Tim thought the presence of a Kryptonian brought out the better sides of a bat. God knows Kon did, for him.

“Okay, enough whining you two! Let’s get Tim settled in.”

Tim elbowed Dick in the gut and kept walking into the building as his big brother wheezed dramatically. Damian rolled his eyes- he’s seen Nightwing take harder hits than Drake’s pointy elbows and walk it off- and followed. Unbeknownst to them, Dick all but beamed with joy at their solidarity. His plan was working.

——

Tim settled into the dorm, disgruntled at the small and uncomfortable twin mattress. The dorm smelt of faint mildew, had at least ten safety code violations, and had ventilation that probably hasn’t been cleaned since the last fear gas attack. The vent thing honestly might explain the state of Gotham U’s students and their proclivities to become supervillains. Tim is more tempted to go into villainy than ever before with these conditions.

That is, until his roomie walked in.

Step 1) reboot brain.

Holy shit, his roomie was HOT.

Step 2) notice all the weird things his roomie all showed unconsciously. Too graceful. Walking carefully, like how Kon does sometimes when he’s remembering to be careful with his fragile surroundings. Meta? Too sharp teeth.

Wait. Sharp teeth?

“Uh, hi. I’m Danny. You must be my roommate. Tim, right?” The guy, Danny, had a deep voice. And too sharp teeth. Because he smiled. It was a damn nice smile.

Step 3) bi panic. DID TIM MENTION HE WAS HOT??

“Uh. Hi. Yeah, I’m Tim.”

“Cool. What’re you majoring in?”

“Forensic Analysis. You?”

“Aerospace engineering.”

They looked at each other awkwardly. “Cool, I’m just gonna set my stuff down.”

“You’re not from here, right?” Tim asked and promptly flushed when an amused smile gets thrown his way.

“The accent give it away?”

“Yeah. Uh. You want a tour, man?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

——

It was flashes of things.

“Oh. I don’t go anywhere without my thermos.” Danny smiled, patting the dented thing. Except, Tim’s never seen him drink from it.

Or:

“Oh, woah. Food’s not attacking me.” And the thing is, Danny actually looked apprehensive before poking at the cafeteria food.

What??

And a month passes before Tim realizes he’s one hundred percent absolutely fucked.

Because it’s one thing if it’s an extremely attractive dork with brains and humor.

It’s an entirely different thing if the extremely attractive dork with brains and humor was a complete and total mystery. Tim is an absolute sucker for mysteries. It’s even more attractive than smacking him in the face with a brick!

“Hey, Tim?”

“Uh. Yeah?” Tim screamed at himself. He’s dated like fifteen different people! Why the hell is he so awkward with Danny?

(Tim was always awkward. He has that autistic rizz.)

“Tell me more about blood splatters?” Danny asked with a hopeful smile. Tim folded like wet paper. (It helps that he knows a lot- too much- about analyzing blood splatters.)

——

Outside of their window, Nightwing cackled to himself. It was worth using the Wayne name to get Tim the most interesting college kid Dick could find as a roommate. Who said Tim had the market corner on stalking anyways?

Nightwing flipped off of the roof, all but skipping home.

Robin, his patrol partner for the night, grimaced. For all Richard was his favorite, the man unsettled him at times.

[goosologist]

they have an exam in two days but they keep making out about it

[babydipper]

“How did you know how to do it?”

“Do what?”

“Stitch me up.”

“It's just sewing.”

“And the IV?”

Jazz’s mouth opens, then closes as she also closes her eyes. He lets her think about the answer, a good enough lie. “A friend had a doctor phase a few years ago. We would try to do a lot of things on fake skin before she moved on to tattooing.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I am telling the truth. Look, I had- I had a weird childhood, so sometimes I had to improvise.”

“No, I believe you,” he says, and he means it. It's so stupid she couldn't make it up. There's also a part of his still light-headed brain that can translate weird childhood and improvise into what it truly means. Maybe she has lied, but not about the thing he thought she would, and it counts for something. The wind on the roof gives him shivers. “Why would you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Help me out. It's none of your business.”

Jazz watches him attentively and there's something about it that makes his muscles tense, body fully ready to jump. She tilts her head just slightly. “We live together,” she points out as if it explains everything. As always, it doesn't. Then she bites her lip. “I- I have never had anyone to catch me if I fall. I guessed you don't have anyone like this either.”

It hits him harder than the fucking bullet last night. “You think I would catch you.”

Jazz smiles and it's full of mischief. Then, like a fucking psycho she is, she leans back out the edge of the building.

He has her arm in an iron grip before he can think about it and pulls so hard, she stumbles forward and falls onto him, laughing, bouncing back like a tennis ball. “Are you fucking insane?”

Jazz just laughs harder, her forehead on Jason's chest, her arm still firmly kept in his hand. “Now we both know you would catch me.”

“You are so full of shit,” he grumbles, but the vibration on his skin manages to calm his heart back to a rational tempo. “You could have died.” It makes her burst out into a fit of giggles. “I got shot last night, you dipshit, I wouldn't be able to jump after you.” Not to mention the lack of proper equipment.

“Sorry I needed an outlet after literally saving your ass.”

Jason closes his eyes, trying to contain the laughter, “I will push you.” The wound was on his inner thigh, not his ass, so she can fuck right off for all he cares.

“I'd like to see you try,” she bites back. “You should have this checked out, by the way. Are you even vaccinated?”

“No need to.”

“I'll drive,” she gets off him, deaf to anything he says, and starts to climb down.

Jason follows. She doesn't even know the address. “Like hell, you will.” The story on AO3

[shouyuus]

hi. thinking about painting vi's nails in arcane canon, and how she's so expressive with her hands, and how it's her main love language, how much she'd have to trust you to trust you with her hands, but you're so delicate with it, holding them so gently between your fingers as you layer thin coats of the bright pink polish over them, blowing on each layer to help it dry faster.

how she'd be staring at you the whole time, instead of what you're doing to her nails, because you're so focused, so intent on getting it perfect (she wants to lean in and kiss you, but she doesn't want to distract you either; a part of her wishes that she could stay in this moment forever, just you holding her hands, your knees pressed against each other on the rumpled sheets of your shared bed, the air between you liquid with warmth).

"and... done -- now you have to let it dry." you lean back, grinning to yourself, looking way too pleased.

vi looks at her freshly painted nails, holding them up, fingers apart, a grin teasing at her lips.

"they look good, princess. thanks."

you crinkle your nose, and vi feels the familiar tug behind her navel as she resists the urge to lean forward and jerk you to her for a kiss (she'd ruin her nails though, and she thinks she wants to keep them perfect).

"you have such pretty hands," you say, capping the nail polish and plopping it onto the bedside table, "and now they're even prettier!"

"mm... kinda sad i can't use them for a while though," vi says, curling her fingers in to stare at them again. her smile goes lopsided as she hears your breath hitch.

"i-it's just till they dry," you say. but already, you're biting your lips, and it takes every modicum of self control in vi not to pin you to the bed beneath her.

"yeah? how long's that usually take?" she asks, inching forward on her knees and pressing her palms against the wall as you back up against it. you lick your lips.

"u-usually like... an hour but --!" you cut off as vi's mouth falls open --

"an hour?"

"i used a top-coat so it's only like... five to ten-ish minutes... supposedly," you amend hurriedly.

vi cocks her head, "that's... better." she glances at the slightly cracked alarm clock on the bedside table before her eyes slingshot back to you, still backed up against the wall, her palms on either side of your face.

"so, how long do you think it's been, hm?"

[mischievous-thunder]

In Wade's defence, he wasn't really trying to hide it

[pathetic-tboy]

guys beware of letting ur mutuals cum in u i let mine cum in me and now we share a one bedroom apartment and sleep in the same bed bc we r in love

[veevil]

I once forgot the word for foreplay and called it pre-gaming sex. They're doing that.

[poughkeepsies]

hey guys. the people on twitter are COOKING I fear

[canisalbus]

I was thinking of Machete and his sheep toy 🐑

Also sorry I keep drawing him, I just love him so much ♡

.

[machveil]

Roommate!Ghost coming back after a long deployment where outside communication wasn't allowed, only to see you've gotten a cat during that time. The cat's name? Cat Simon. A chonky black cat with a bit of RBF who needs to be snuggled at all hours, and was lovingly provided via finding him in an alley trying to eat thrown out chinese food in the pouring rain. His paws are rated E for everybody and he sounds cranky when he meows while his purrs will vibrate the entire couch and can be heard across a room. Now Human Simon and Cat Simon have to figure out who gets to be the little spoon and who gets the most forehead kissies. (Surprise, there's actually two cats, they just look really really similar and for a while Simon didn't see them in the same space at the same time. This one's name? Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Reese or PB for short.)

-🐸

🐸 anon, your mind never ceases to amaze me

if you brought two chunky little cats home Simon wouldn’t even bat an eye - he might bat an eye at ‘Simon’ the cat, but he can work with that. since there’s two cats I think it’d be really funny if, while Simon thinks there’s only one, he thinks little Simon kitty man isn’t a fan of him. he’ll pspspsp Simon the cat and call his name - sometimes he chirps and comes right over (cat Simon) and sometimes Simon gets flat out ignored (PB)

once he sees two chunky cats eating in the kitchen he does a double take, eyebrows screwed together. “Oh— wha’ the fuck?”, he snorts and goes off to find you, chuckling when you nervously say PB looked so miserable when you found them, so… it’s okay to keep them both, right? obviously, Simon was already a proud father of what he presumed to be one, now he’s got basically twins

[house-of-naga]

Fellas, is it gay to write a love song about wanting to make your partner as happy as possible your solo song, title it “hold my hand”, shoot out rainbow confetti during your solo stage when you tour, and then hold the man you’ve described to be your soulmate’s hand when he comes on stage directly after you finish singing your love song you totally didn’t write for him?

Oh, and is it gay to also change the lyrics of the song so that you literally say his name in the love song you wrote? Twice? Is it gay to call him “Lee know-hyung, baby”?

[starjunkyard]

average hilson argument

[katabay]

some sam drakes :)

nate's theme 4.0 came up on my playlist while I was working on commissions and oh boy. that piano line about a minute in to it still gets me emotional shshdshs

[fruifruit]

angie would pick the most fucked up horror movies almost every time and no one can convince me otherwise