#oh okay. cool. I just wrote an entire final paper for NO REASON

[strohller27]

.

[bbangsoonie]

goal: your heart

member: sunwoo genre: fluff word count: 5,423 synopsis: due to a budget cut, you have to follow the soccer team around for both the school newspaper and yearbook despite knowing nothing about sports. before you know it, you find yourself warming up to the team’s star player, who you swore was the most annoying and arrogant person ever.

a/n: this is a part of the star player collab with @atbzkingdom​ for sunwoo’s birthday! (also, this will be written with the american academic calander in mind)

You knew exactly what you were doing. You were the top student of both your class and school and the leader of many clubs. Your college application was full of achievements and your essay exquisitely written. The only problem? You had no idea what to do after graduation. You didn’t know where you wanted to go or what you wanted to study.

Growing up, everyone told you that you’d eventually find something you love. By senior year, you thought you would at least have an idea by now.

But nope, you were even more lost if anything. Dream job? That was just a capitalistic lie meant to make people happy to slave away for money.

Grumbling, you listened as your friends rambled on about the campuses they visited. It was only the first day back and everyone was already obsessing over one thing and one thing only.

“Y/n, you’re so lucky,” Juyeon pouted. “You don’t have to worry about getting into a university. Your stats are literally perfect.”

“I have other things to stress over,” you groaned. “At least you know what you wanna pursue.”

“Y/n has other things to worry about. She’s about to graduate without ever finding love,” Younghoon teased.

“It’s all our fault,” Jaehyun squinted as he pinched his nose bridge. “We raised her standards too high. I’m sorry, Y/n, that I can’t take responsibility.”

The notebook in your hand threatened to fly over to his seat. Luckily for him, he was saved by Juyeon’s very unnatural attempt at changing the subject. He inquired about the school newspaper that was barely spared in a major budget cut last year.

Thinking about it made you sigh. You had poured in so much effort over the years for the paper and it was almost taken from you. The school was cutting funds for a lot of clubs and diverting the money to the many sports teams that brought home trophies.

A part of the negotiations to save the newspaper club was to feature more sports events and student athletes in order to garner support for the teams. You weren’t pleased with the decision. Your plate was already full without trying to inflate the ego of players who had a god superiority complex. Jaehyun was a great example of the type of jock you didn’t want to raise on a high pedestal.

You had also promised Kevin, the president of the yearbook committee, to help out with photographing games since you had to attend them anyway. Despite the many tasks assigned to you, you were relieved that you could spend your last year continuing to write articles.

“Does that mean you’ll get to come to practice with us? The basketball team is always on my ass about introducing them to you. Now I can finally stop being pestered to be the middleman,” Jaehyun grinned.

“No shot,” Younghoon shook his head. “My swim team has already tried but Y/n puts up a cold front.”

“Hey, I’m a delicately guarded rose with sharp thorns,” you joked, making Jaehyun pretend to gag. This time, the notebook hit his arm.

“No one is good enough for our Y/n,” Juyeon defended. You turned around to coo at him and said something about him being the only nice one as Younghoon guffawed.

The first day of soccer practice meant you had to stay behind after dismissal to meet the team. The coach introduced you to the players and beamed when he got to the last one.

“This is our ace, Sunwoo. Although I’m sure you know that already,” he said proudly.

To be honest, you had no idea who he was. The school was too big to know everyone and you had absolutely no interest in sports. You rarely even went to Juyeon and Jaehyun’s basketball games and Younghoon’s swim meets.

Not wanting to offend anyone, you simply smiled. Sunwoo, catching your hesitance, raised a brow. However, he kept quiet until he approached you during one of his breaks.

“Do you really not know me?” he asked as he took a seat next to you on the bleachers.

Surprised by his sudden question, you blankly stared at the boy in front of you. Sweat was dripping from his hair but he paid it no attention as he chugged an entire water bottle.

“How cocky are you?” you scoffed.

“You really don’t know our soccer team’s star player, Kim Sunwoo?” he gaped.

“Sorry to disappoint but I really don’t care or know much about soccer. Or any other sports for that matter,” you shrugged.

“You’re going to write about the soccer team… when you don’t even know who we are or what we’re doing?” he asked incredulously.

“That’s why I’m here to observe,” you snapped back.

Finding you amusing, he finally wiped away his sweat as the coach blew his whistle to gather the players again.

Sunwoo always gave it his best but for some reason he found himself practicing extra hard that day. Knowing your eyes were on him motivated him to show off his skills by annoying his teammates and stealing the spotlight. After his third goal in a row, he looked at you to see your reaction but was baffled to see you busy writing something down.

Frustrated and peeved, he kicked at the grass with a huff.

When practice came to an end, he snuck up behind you to see what you were so intently focused on. Reading the notes on your notebook, he hummed.

“So that’s what you were doing instead of watching me,” he mused.

You were listing physical traits and personality attributes of each player. He scanned the paper for his name and frowned when he saw what you wrote about him.

“Arrogant and conceited? That’s all you have to say about me?” he whined.

“What? It’s true,” you deadpanned.

“Haknyeon gets “tall, bubbly, and extroverted” but I get “arrogant and conceited”? That’s not fair. This is biased journalism!” he exclaimed.

Realizing that practice was over, you gathered your belongings and stood up to leave. With his cheeks puffed, he watched as you left the field. You were unlike any person he had ever encountered.

“Sunwoo? Kim Sunwoo?” Younghoon repeated with his eyes wide. “The soccer caption Kim Sunwoo?”

Jaehyun and Juyeon’s chopsticks froze midair in shock. Finding their reactions odd, you nodded as you took another bite of your lunch.

“I can’t believe the lady killer got rejected by the man hater,” Jaehyun broke out into a fit of laughter.

“Now that’s a title I’d like to see on the school newspaper,” Younghoon snickered.

“Okay, first of all, I did not reject him because he did not come on to me,” you rolled your eyes. “Secondly, who the hell is he anyway? Why do you all know him?”

“He’s notorious for his fuckboy image. Although I think that’s an exaggerated reputation,” Juyeon said you picked out all the vegetables from your plate. He willingly moved them to his own and you smiled gratefully in response.

“So my first impression of him was correct,” you said.

“He’s not that bad. He’s actually pretty cool. Rumors don’t do the sweet guy justice,” Juyeon explained.

“Our lovely Juyeon sees the good in everyone,” Younghoon gushed as he pet his friend, earning him a smack on the back of his head.

“We were partners for a history project,” Juyeon clarified. “I got to know him a bit and he’s a good guy. Just enjoys attention a little too much. Like Jaehyun.”

Weirdly offended, Jaehyun scowled. You shrugged it off, returning your attention back to your food. You had no intentions of getting to know Sunwoo anyway. At least, that was the plan until he bombarded you in the hallway while you were walking to class.

He blocked your path with that irritating smirk on his face. Exasperated, you asked him what he wanted.

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday,” he started.

“Oh, so you do think?”

“Hey!”

“Do you think you can move and get out of my way?”

“Anyway, as the president of the newspaper club who’s in charge of covering the soccer team, I think you lack way too much information about the sport. And our school’s players.”

“How do you know I’m the president?”

“I asked around.”

You look at his eyes, trying to peer through any ulterior motives. He was being suspiciously generous. But he wasn’t entirely wrong. Even you thought it was ridiculous that a person who didn’t know a thing about soccer had to write articles about it.

You were also aware that any interviews with the athletes would be surface level stuff that all the students probably already knew. You were the only one out of the loop.

You pursed your lips, annoyed that he was right. Realizing that you were in agreeance, Sunwoo grinned.

“I am offering you the very special privilege to follow me around and learn everything there is to know about the team. For the paper of course,” he quickly added the last part after seeing the look on your face. “I can teach you about both soccer and my teammates.”

After pondering his proposal, you finally nodded.

“Deal,” you eyed his happy expression. “What do you want in return?”

He was taken aback by your question. He hadn’t expected you to assume that he would demand compensation. Your presence and attention were what he was after in the first place. However, he couldn’t let the opportunity pass by.

“Bubble tea,” he declared after some thought. “You can treat me to bubble tea after practice and I can tutor you then.”

“Fine,” you sighed before pushing him aside to make it to class before the bell rang. He was left behind with a stupid smile on his face.

The first tutoring session was extremely awkward for you. You weren’t used to hanging out with guys other than Juyeon, Younghoon, and Jaehyun. They were the only members of the male species you didn’t despise. This riled up Sunwoo’s competitive side. He was determined to get close to you.

He couldn’t stand having someone not like him. He was used to being on friendly terms with everyone—including teachers and even wallflowers. He had a strong desire to receive acknowledgement from everyone.

Perhaps that was why so many girls fell for him.

Nevertheless, the wall around you remained thick and high. Just as he was well known for his playboy persona, you were infamous for never letting guys in. You cold heartedly turned down any and every guy who asked you out. And there had been a lot.

Sunwoo, on the other hand, was excited to spend time with you. Bubble tea was just an excuse to meet you outside of school grounds.

His phone dinged, notifying him of a text. Haknyeon had sent him a screenshot of a post made on the school’s gossip page and wrote “this you?”. He snorted at the content speculating his relationship status after supposedly receiving another confession and rolled his eyes. Curious, you asked him what he was looking at.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he shook his head as he put the device away. “Just the stupid tea account.”

“Oh you mean that anonymously run social media page that popped up over summer break?” you frowned.

You hated everything about it. It spread rumors, without fact-checking, and started drama. It resulted in both a breakup and the end of a friendship in the span of two months. It was exactly what you and the school newspaper stood against.

Nothing could be done to stop the false information and invasion of privacy because it wasn’t officially affiliated with the school and the students continued to feed into it. People even sent in stories to be posted.

“So tell me what you do know about soccer,” he leaned in and propped his chin on the palms of his hands.

“I know the very basics from catching glimpses of the World Cup,” you leaned back on your chair, making him pout.

“Well, to be honest, explaining the rules is a lot easier to do when directly pointing things out during a game. There’s a match airing tonight. Do you want to come over and watch it with me?” he asked expectantly.

“We can watch the replay tomorrow during study hall,” you said.

“Then we can start by talking about me today,” he chirped. “My squad number is 19 because 9 is usually worn by centre forwards but I wanted to be special and added a 1 in front of it. I’m the centre forward, which is the main striker. That means playing offensive is my main objective. Which is why I’m the highest scorer on the team.”

You wanted to wipe the smug look off his face. It irked you how he so easily bragged about himself.

“I also really like movies and can play the guitar. A true all-rounder and romanticist,” he smiled.

He continued to reveal fun facts about himself for another half an hour. It was only at the end that you realized most of it was useless when writing for the paper. You groaned, realizing you had fallen for his trap.

Still, you learned some things about soccer and his position in the team. Following him to the cafe hadn’t been a complete waste of your time.

The next day, Sunwoo hunted you down to make sure you kept your promise about watching the game together. He dragged you to the computer room during study hall and pulled out the earbuds he prepared. He had purposely rummaged through his drawers the night before to the share wired ones with you.

You had to admit he was extremely helpful when explaining the rules and strategies of soccer. Despite being uncomfortable with the proximity of his body to yours, he was a great teacher. He made everything sound so simple. After you began to understand the game, you even found yourself enjoying the match.

After spending a week with him, you hated that you couldn’t say you still disliked him. After all, you two met almost every day for hours.

You had a gut feeling that you would come to regret it and were proven right. You had a bad feeling the moment you saw Jaehyun run up to you as if his life depended on it. Panting, he barely pulled himself together to show you the post that made him immediately report to you.

“KSW and Y/INITIALS seen cozily spending time together. Will he be the one to finally break through her?” you read aloud.

A photo of your backs from the computer room and a mosaicked side shot of you two at the cafe were attached to the title. The comments under the post were even more ridiculous.

“A challenge to be anticipated.”

“Poor girl will only end up as one of his many heartbroken playthings.”

“I know who KSW is. Who’s Y/INITIALS??”

“The legendary man hater? With a guy?? Wow how good must he be 👀”

“Damn so she rejected me for him?”

Your blood boiled and you shoved the phone away. Trying to calm yourself down, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. And failed.

“What is this, fucking Dispatch?” you exploded. A few students passing by stared at your outburst and widened their eyes when they saw that it was you. You sighed, knowing that the whole school saw the post.

“I’m not a celebrity! Why are people so invested in fake rumors about me?” you yelled, trying to keep your voice to a whisper as you pulled Jaehyun into an empty classroom.

“I’m sure it’ll blow over,” he assured.

“If I ever find out who the admin of this page is, I will ruin them,” you glowered.

You almost didn’t go to the soccer practice that day. But you knew that avoiding him would only add fuel to the fire so you sucked it up and went to the field after school as usual. You heard the hushed murmurs that stirred among the team when you arrived and you wanted to turn back around and leave.

Before you could, however, Sunwoo appeared and shut everyone up with a warning glare. He announced that the coach would be late and to start by running laps.

You were more annoyed than upset about the post. It just stupefied you that people really had nothing better to do than gossip about you. You didn’t think you were that interesting.

You were so close to escaping after practice but Sunwoo caught you trying to sneak away. He stood in front of you, crossing his arms as if to ask where you were going. Giving up, you muttered a “fine” and waited for him to change out of his uniform.

This time, you two wordlessly agreed to go to a different cafe. With the bubble teas on the table in front of you, you sat in silence until Sunwoo finally spoke up.

“Don’t mind what the post or others say,” he huffed.

“I’m not too bothered by it,” you shrugged.

“Good. Because I want to get to know you as just Y/n and Sunwoo. Through whatever you wish to tell and show me. I feel like we’re always just talking about me.”

His words left you speechless. Juyeon hadn’t been kidding when he mentioned how thoughtful Sunwoo was. You felt your heart warm as you smiled.

“Well what do you want to know about me?” you asked.

“Anything. Everything.”

So you spilled about your interests, hobbies, and goals. It was strange. Although it hadn’t been long since you met him, you felt comfortable around him. He made you feel at ease and you didn’t think twice about opening up to him.

You told him about your struggles as a high achieving student. About the pressure you felt and how embarrassing it was to tell people that you didn’t have any dreams.

With your grades, all the teachers expected you to apply to medical school. On the other hand, your parents encouraged you to work towards a high paying and stable salary as a corporation employee. Your friends suggested that you go for something in journalism because of your passion and commitment to the school newspaper.

But the club was just something you did for fun. You didn’t know if you liked it enough to pursue it as a career.

Sunwoo listened attentively as you went on about your concerns. From the outside, you looked like you had your life together. You were the perfect student and the girl that many guys chased after. But as he spent more time with you, it became clear that you were very uncomfortable with boys.

“Can I ask how you got so close with the Bermuda line?” he asked.

“The Bermuda line? What’s that?”

“You’ve never heard of the term? Juyeon, Jaehyun, and Younghoon are called the Bermuda line because they’re the most popular athletes out of all the sports teams. The girls say that once you fall for them, you’re stuck in between them forever because you can’t get out.”

You hadn’t laughed that hard in so long. You knew they had fans but found it hilarious how the trio even had a nickname.

“Oh man, I can’t wait to make fun of them for this,” you laughed, nearly in tears.

When he told you that they actually took great pride in the title, you bursted out in laughter again. Their self love truly was on another level.

“So how’d you end up friends?” he asked again.

“Juyeon, I’ve known since middle school. We were in the same class for all three years. Jaehyun didn’t go to the same school as us but he was friends with Juyeon because they played basketball together. I met him and Younghoon at the end of freshman year. They kinda crash landed into my life but we really clicked so that’s why I still bless them with my friendship.”

Sunwoo giggled at your own overwhelming confidence. He loved that you never sold yourself short. He didn’t notice he had been staring at you until you pointed it out. Blushing, he insisted that it was nothing and took another sip of his bubble tea.

Two months passed by and you eventually came to call Sunwoo a friend. Younghoon teased you about him being more than a friend and at first, you thought he was crazy. But with him planting the idea in your head, you began to question your own feelings. Cursing Younghoon, you blamed him for confusing you.

As the designated photographer, you tagged along to the soccer team’s last match. The entire team was nervous as it would determine the winner of the tournament. Even Sunwoo was anxious.

Before the game started, you offered him a supportive smile and he felt all worries lifted off his shoulders. He erased all thoughts of winning and losing and just concentrated on the ball. He wanted to enjoy the last match of the season and look cool in front of you. That was all that mattered to him.

Fortunately, he got both plus the win. The crowd erupted into cheers as he scored the winning goal just seconds before the whistle was blown to signal the end of the game. His knees fell to the ground and his teammates rushed to surround him.

Seeing how happy he looked brought a smile to your lips. He jumped up and scanned the bleachers for your face. When he finally spotted you, he broke away from his team to run up to you and embrace you in a giant hug.

Caught off guard, you froze as his teammates hooted and applauded. You felt your cheeks heat up at the attention.

“Congratulations,” you chuckled, patting his back. “You did well.”

“Did you get a lot of pretty pictures of me?” he grinned, pulling away to look at you.

“No, I only took pictures of Haknyeon,” you joked. By now, he was used to your teasing and simply ruffled your hair in response.

“There’s gonna be an after party tonight,” he brought up carefully. “I’d really like it if you came. Only if you’re okay with that type of scene though.”

Surprised, you nodded before you fully thought it through.

That was how you ended up moping at Jaehyun’s house. The invitation was extended to the Bermuda line as well and they were all planning on dragging you there. Younghoon was excited at the thought of finally going to a party with the whole group and Juyeon was picking out an outfit for you from Jaehyun’s sister’s closet.

“I don’t know if I trust your fashion sense,” she made a face at the top he held up.

This was your first party and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. There was a reason you hadn’t gone to one throughout your high school years.

Nonetheless, you were dressed up in an outfit that definitely reflected Jaehyun’s sister’s style more than yours. She fawned over how pretty you were and urged you to go with the boys.

So you walked through the doors and into the house vibrating with music. Everyone who recognized you was shocked to see you there. Feeling awkward, you stuck by Jaehyun’s side as you maneuvered around the throng of people. When he finally caught sight of Sunwoo, he dipped and left you alone with him.

“Thanks for coming,” he shouted over the loud music.

“Thanks for inviting me,” you shouted back.

Sunwoo offered you a drink, which you declined. Following your choice, he opted for a soda instead as well. You weren’t much of a dancer so you enjoyed people watching instead. It was fascinating to see your classmates have so much fun.

You giggled when you saw Juyeon be so painfully oblivious to a girl’s advances and walked away to dance with Younghoon. Meanwhile, Jaehyun was having the time of his life flirting with girls. You blocked your eyesight when you saw him leaning in to kiss one of them.

“Ugh, gross,” you cringed. “I do not need to know this side of my best friend’s love life.”

Laughing, Sunwoo offered to take you outside for some fresh air and a change of scenery. You gladly agreed and let him guide you to the backyard.

The night sky was full of tranquility that contrasted the chaos that ensued indoors. You sat on the grass and Sunwoo joined next to you.

“You look beautiful today,” he commented.

“Only today?” you laughed.

“Especially today,” he answered in a serious manner. His sincerity made you clear your throat and look away. He stunned you by cupping your face with his hands.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Are you drunk?” you blinked.

“I haven’t had a single sip of alcohol.”

His voice was slow and raspy. Your heart was beating faster than you wanted it to and you knew the corners of your lips were betraying you.

“You can either lean in or pull away,” he said as he brought his lips closer to yours.

Your heart now felt like it was about to jump out of your chest. Red alarms were going off in your head and you didn’t know what to do. All you knew was what you were only a few centimeters away from kissing Sunwoo.

So you did what any insane person would do and closed the gap between your lips. You wanted to punch him when you felt him smirk but he pulled you closer and held onto you tightly.

The weekend passed without much changes in your relationship with Sunwoo. You were worried that you had either ruined your friendship or that he was sick of you but Juyeon reassured you that he probably wanted to talk about it in person. Anxiously, you overthought things until Monday finally arrived.

Wanting to keep yourself busy until you met Sunwoo, you stopped by the club room early in the morning to import the photos from the last game. Shortly after you connected the camera to the computer, you heard a knock on the door.

Startled, you looked at the door and saw Jacob sheepishly poking his head through the door. You told him to come in and he took a seat next to you.

“Kevin told me to drop by before class for an interview,” he said. You nearly facepalmed. You had completely forgotten about that. You were supposed to interview him for the paper.

“Oh yeah! Hold on, let me go get my notebook,” you searched through your backpack to find it.

The volleyball player was this month’s star of the month and you had to write a piece on his past achievements. He was extremely kind and was careful not to use any advanced sports terminology to make sure anyone could easily read the interview, which you were grateful for.

Before you parted, he gave you a side hug out of habit and apologized when he realized that it was only his first time meeting you. You laughed it off and insisted that now you could be friends since you two hugged already. Relieved that you weren’t disturbed, he happily waved goodbye to you as he walked away.

Being in a different class than Sunwoo meant that you had to wait until lunch period to see him. You honestly didn’t even know if you wanted to see him. You weren’t ready to face him yet.

When the bell finally rang and it was time for lunch, Juyeon forced you to go to the cafeteria instead of hiding out in an empty classroom. The moment you sat down with your tray, however, you felt all eyes on you. Your stomach dropped, knowing it couldn’t be good news.

“Y/n, is this true..?” Jaehyun asked, showing you the new post on the gossip page. You hated that you were always right about bad intuitions.

KSW and Y/INITIALS caught making out at last night’s party… is BJY a side hoe?

You had no idea when a photo was taken in the brief second you and Jacob hugged that morning. When you scrolled and saw the next part, your heart dropped.

A shocking revelation of history: Y/INITIALS and SYJ used to date in freshman year. Does this have anything to do with the swimmer and basketball players always next to her?

You felt your breath caught in your throat as you read through the comments.

“Isn’t BJY on the volleyball team and SYJ on the baseball team?”

“Wow she clearly has a type.”

“I guess athletes just hit it well 👀”

“And here I thought KSW was the hoe… who’s playing with who?”

“Aye so KSW finally managed to break through her. Thanks for my $10 bro.”

“Aren’t the basketball players LJY and LJH? And the swimmer KYH? The Bermuda line, right?? I always thought she had a thing with one of them.”

“So much for the icy Y/INITIALS. She was acting all pretentious when she was already having all her fun.”

Juyeon grabbed the phone out of your hands and glared at Jaehyun. You never thought your past relationship would ever get exposed. There were only a handful of people who knew about it and it had stayed hidden under the rug up until now. It was something you wanted to bury and never think about ever again.

Shakily, you got up and ran out of the cafeteria with Younghoon calling out after you. You ran as fast as you could. You didn’t stop until you busted through the doors and collapsed on the rooftop. Your lungs were on fire and you closed your eyes to stop the ringing in your ears.

Meanwhile, Sunwoo was running across the school to find you. When he didn’t see you in the club room, he changed his target and sought out Eric.

“Is it true?” he demanded when he finally saw his friend.

“I can’t believe people already figured out that it’s me,” Eric sighed.

“Is it true?” Sunwoo repeated.

“Yes, yes, it’s true,” he answered with his hands up in defeat. “She never wanted anyone to find out. We didn’t exactly end on good terms. It’s something I’m not proud of.”

“What happened?” he asked, trying to contain his anger. “What did you do to her?”

“I…” Eric trailed off. “I cheated on her.”

“What the hell, Eric?” Sunwoo yelled.

“I-I was stupid! And young. It’s the biggest mistake I made in my life,” he admitted.

Frustrated, Sunwoo left and ran off in search of you again. When you weren’t anywhere to be found, he checked the rooftop as a last resort. He didn’t expect to actually see you there.

“Y/n,” he breathed. You felt a lump form in your throat. It was the first time he had addressed you by your name.

“Get away from me,” you glared. “Was I nothing but a bet to you? Was I just a challenge for you to win?”

“Y/n, I never placed bets on you. I don’t know what other people have been betting on but I have always been genuine with you,” he affirmed.

You refused to let your tears fall. There was no way Kim Sunwoo was going to see you cry.

“I like you,” he confessed. “I like you a lot. I meant to say this that night but got too flustered. So I wanted to tell you today. Whenever I see you, the butterflies in my stomach won’t go away. When I don’t see you, I miss you like crazy. You inspire me to become a better person and all I want to do is hold you and call you mine.”

And now Kim Sunwoo has officially seen you cry. He bent down to wrap his arms around you as you sobbed into his shoulder.

“You’re an asshole,” you mumbled after you calmed down.

“I think you mean the opposite,” he chuckled. “Whatever barriers you put up to protect yourself, I’m going to take them down one by one. With you. Together.”

“Who said I’m helping?” you muttered.

“Then I guess I have to work twice as hard to prove myself,” he softly smiled.

“This is embarrassing,” you groaned.

“This will only be embarrassing for me if you reject me,” his hand reached out to the nape of his neck. “So what do you say? Will you go out with me?”

“I’ll think about it,” you huffed, prompting a chuckle from him.

[lexosaurus]

Going Angst Week 2021: Birth

I wrote a short five part fic for this year’s Going Angst Week! Fair warning as the event suggests, no one in this fic will make it out on top.

Chapter One: Birth

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“Don’t think of it as a death, think of it as a sort of rebirth.”

That’s what Vlad had told him anyhow, after he discovered who—or rather what—Danny was at their college reunion. 

“Who were you before this? A nobody, right? Just some little hormonal fourteen year old from the weirdo family, unpopular and bullied. No real hobbies or activities to speak of, aside from…” Vlad’s red eyes pierced down at him. “Video games, am I correct?”

Danny diverted his gaze to the floor. Vlad’s aura only increased in amusement.

“But now,” the ghost continued. “Now you’re something else. Something different, more powerful. The world is your oyster, and all you have to do is reach down and take it.”

“I don’t know,” Danny finally spoke up. He had been hoping that speaking to the older halfa would begin to patch things up between them, but so far every word out of Vlad’s mouth seemed coated in poison.

He knew that deep down he shouldn’t trust a damn word Plasmius said, but Vlad was the only person in the world who he could relate to. And according to the Vlad, there was no one else like them in the Ghost Zone either.

“What is there to be afraid of, Little Badger? You’re a half ghost, you can do whatever it is that you want and nobody, nobody can stop you.”

“It’s not that I’m afraid.” Lies, lies, all lies. “It just doesn’t seem right, is all.”

Plasmius leaned down, forcing Danny’s eyes to meet his. He grinned, bearing his fangs at the boy, as if he could see through all the fear that Danny was desperate to mask.

“Oh Daniel,” Vlad said. “Your parents will never accept you. No good you do in your ghost form could ever convince them that ghosts aren’t all evil, that some are good, that you are good. Don’t you see?”

“No, you’re wrong. My parents will accept me. I just have to—”

“Oh, will they?” Vlad laughed. “Your parents? The same ones who’ve dedicated their careers, their lives to developing ecto-weaponry meant to kill our kind? The people who have written countless academic papers as to the dangers of ecto-life on Earth?”

“If I can show them that we’re not all bad, then maybe they’ll see.”

“Ah, so I bet that explains why you haven’t told them about what really happened in the lab, right? You just wanted to wait for the ��right time’ to tell them. Foolish boy, don’t you know?” Vlad’s cocky tone died down, as did the power of his aura. In the first moment of sincerity Danny had witnessed from the older man, he turned to Danny and warned, “Your parents are too blinded by their ignorance to ever see the truth.”

---

Danny had been alone the day of the accident. He wasn’t sure why he did it, why he strapped on the hazmat suit (not before ripping off the Jack sticker), why he stepped in the portal, why he tried to figure out how to turn it on. Was it boredom? Teenage rebellion? Curiosity?

But delving into his reasoning was too little too late. Because the moment he tripped over the wire and hit the misplaced power switch, his life ended.

Literally.

Dying hurt. It was terrifying, waking up as something else entirely, and passing out all over again.

At first, he could almost pretend that he was okay. But then he woke up the next morning and felt like he’d been hit by a truck.

And then he fell through his bed, hitting the wood floor below his bed frame.

And then he dragged himself out and saw the extensive scarring on his arm.

And then he knew. That what had happened in the lab wasn’t just a fluke, that whatever the portal did had changed him forever.

That he wasn’t okay.

Still, he tried to carry on as normal. Eventually, the lightning scars snaking across his arm faded (even though they remained when he transformed), and the aching of his muscles subsided (but the coolness in his chest never went away), and his relative anonymity at his school meant that people hardly noticed a change in him (even though his two best friends seemed to hover more now than before).

Everything was going to be normal. Even if he wasn’t okay anymore. Even if he wasn’t human, even if he was...some monster.

What even was he?

“Danny?” Sam poked his shoulder. “Hey, space case? You haven’t touched your food. Are you okay?”

The world snapped into focus, and he realized that he was in the cafeteria at school with his untouched lunch tray splayed out in front of him. He couldn’t even remember getting out of bed this morning, much less making it all the way till lunch.

Regardless, he picked the cardboard excuse for pizza from his tray and took a bite, chewing slowly, and tried not to choke as he forced the food down his parched throat.

“I’m fine,” he said.

He’d been saying that a lot lately.

“We’ve been trying not to pry, but…” Sam looked helplessly at Tucker. “Danny, is...is something going on with you? You’ve just seemed off lately.”

“No, nothing happened. I’m fine.”

“You sure dude?” Tucker asked.

Danny set his school-issued pizza back down on his tray. “Guys, seriously. I’m your best friend. If anything happened, I promise you’d be the first to know. I’ve just been stressed about school, it’s nothing.”

Sam and Tucker exchanged a glance, evidently not looking too convinced. Regardless, Sam gave him her best fake smile and a, “If you say so. Just know we’re here if you wanna talk.”

But he didn’t want to talk. They were human, he...wasn’t. They wouldn’t get it. They’d think he was a freak, they’d stop talking to him, they’d tell Jazz who would tell his parents who would kill him trying to save him.

No one could help him.

They finished lunch in silence, and then it was back to class where Danny managed to fall out of his chair twice and drop his pencil too many times to count. In biology class a glass microscope plate flew past his fingers, shattering against the tiled floor, and in English class when Lancer handed him papers to pass out he dropped those too, sending them scattered along the ground.

He saw the way Lancer peered at him as he stumbled to the ground, hands shaking as he desperately tried to grab the papers while everyone laughed at him. He felt cold—he was always cold since the accident—and he was sure that he looked just as much of a mess as he felt.

Mr. Lancer sent him down to the nurses office after that.

But he couldn’t go to the nurse because his heart rate was slower than a human’s and he didn’t need to breathe as much and he was so cold.

And he was fine.

So he took the hall pass and hid in the bathroom for the rest of the class period.

“Think of it as a rebirth,” Vlad had told him. 

Except Vlad was wrong. Danny wasn’t stronger now, he wasn’t more powerful. In fact, Danny Fenton had never felt more powerless, lost, and alone in his entire life.

If this was the start of a new life, then he was terrified to see what would follow.

---

next chapter>

[peggyrose19]

What Happens in Vegas Doesn’t Always Stay There

i was gonna do homework but i got inspired and wrote this instead. i also took a 90 minute nap at 6pm so now i’m bouncing off the walls and can’t actually make myself focus for longer than 30 seconds.....what was i saying? anyways this really got away from me wow. i have no regrets.

characters by @lumosinlove​

@im-oknutzy-trash, @wonder-womans-ex

cw: mentions of characters being drunk, swearing, idiot gays

Alex wasn’t sure how on earth they’d gotten on the topic of marriage. But conversations were always chaotic between the three of them so really he shouldn’t have been so surprised. Besides, if he was being honest with himself, he’d been thinking about it far more than he cared to admit.

He enjoyed the idea, the three of them being married. Making the commitment to each other. It wasn’t legal, but that didn’t matter. They could still be married in spirit. Maybe one day it would even happen.

“Y’know, Alex and I are married,” Kasey said casually, raising the bottle to his lips. Natalie gaped at him.

“You what?”

Alex laughed. “I forgot about that.”

Natalie glanced between the two of them quickly. “Please explain.”

With a laugh, Alex just shook his head. “We were playing Vegas in 2015, right after they legalized gay marriage, right? Both of us got shit-faced drunk and, in our drunken state, decided that getting married was an obviously very sound plan.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, after we had sobered up, we had kind of....forgotten it happened.”

“Then a few days later I was going through some pictures on my phone for whatever reason, and found one from that night, of the two of us holding a marriage certificate. Alex found it in his suitcase when we got home.”

Alex and Kasey both watched Natalie expectantly. For a long moment, she just stared at them in disbelief, mouth open almost comically wide. Then she burst out laughing.

“Oh my god,” she cackled. “I cannot believe you two.”

Kasey shrugged. “We never got around to getting it annulled. I suppose neither of us particularly wanted to. We could now, I guess. If you wanted us to.”

Nat’s laughter faded. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Well what about you?” Alex asked before Kasey could, as synced with him as he always had been.

“What about me? I don’t need a piece of paper to say I’m in love with you two, not to mention it’s impossible anyways. One day we can have a ceremony with our family and friends and it’ll be dramatic and over-the-top, but for right now? I don’t need anything else.”

Alex very nearly melted at that. He glanced over at Kasey, unreadable to most everyone else, who was smiling that half smile Alex loved so much.

“You wanna get married someday?” he asked quietly.

“Hell yeah, I do.”

~

Alex had never spent a whole lot of time with Sirius Black. He was a bit of an enigma to him, someone so well-known in the media but so secretive in real life. These days, everyone knew Sirius as the first gay NHL player, and the first player to be married to his own teammate. Alex had gotten to know him as Kasey’s teammate, as a good player and captain. So when he found himself beside Sirius and Remus in a crowded bar, he wasn’t entirely sure what to say to the two of them. He could have gone and joined Kasey and Natalie, somewhere on the dance floor together, but he had never been one for public dancing.

“So. How does it feel to be married?” he asked the pair, who immediately glanced at each other and grinned sappily.

“Really good, man,” Sirius replied, not-so-subtly grabbing Remus’ hand. Alex smiled at the gesture. “And being on the same team is great, I mean we get to see each other so much more now.”

“Yeah, it’s cool,” Alex replied unthinkingly, remembering playing with Kasey even before they were together and relishing in the closeness it brought, the long hours they spent together both on and off the ice. He’d missed having that recently.

“What?”

Alex burst out laughing before he could stop himself, receiving a confused look from Remus and a glare from Sirius.

“You good?” Remus asked warily.

“Fine, fine.”

“What d’you mean ‘it’s cool’?” Sirius asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Ah jeez.” Alex shook his head at himself. “Well, might as well get this over with.”

“Get what over with? Alex what the hell are you talking about?” Sirius looked bewildered, watching him with equal parts suspicion and confusion. Remus too was frowning, but there was a knowing look in his eye, as if he was starting to catch on.

He sighed heavily. “It’s possible Kasey and I got married like, six years ago.”

“What.”

“Yeah. Back when we were on the Rangers together, we were playing Vegas when gay marriage was legalized. And the two of us got shit-faced drunk and decided getting married was a good idea. Then we promptly forgot about it in the morning and once we finally remembered, never actually bothered to annul it. So. We’re still married. Technically. According to the state of Nevada.”

Sirius and Remus both stared at him, expressions strikingly similar to Natalie’s. Alex eyed them warily, unsure what was going to happen now.

“You mean we’re not the first NHL players to marry each other?” Sirius asked, and he seemed so genuinely disappointed Alex had to fight back a laugh.

“Uh, I guess not?”

“Merde,” Sirius swore. Remus just looked at him.

“Does that really matter?” he asked amusedly.

“Of course it matters! We’re the first, Remus! This is a very important development.”

“Okay,” Remus laughed, nodding along. “Whatever you say.”

Sirius just grumbled under his breath.

~

“Hey Harz, how attached are you to your brother exactly?” Sirius asked at practice the next day, and Kasey glanced over at him. Alex had filled him and Natalie on their conversation the night before, and Sirius’ newfound knowledge was not likely to lead to anything good.

Finn frowned. “He’s alright. Why, what’d he do?“

“Got married, the little fucker.”

Finn dropped the jersey he’d been holding. “What, he’s married? Since when?!”

“Did Nat finally propose?” James piped up.

“He’s not married to Nat,” Sirius said.

If possible, Finn looked even more confused. “He’s not married to Nat?”

“No he’s fucking married to Winters.”

Finn just gaped at Sirius. James looked positively delighted. “What- our Winter?” he asked. “Like, Kasey Winters... the Lions goalie?”

“Standing right here,” Kasey added. He fought a smile.

Finn glared at him. “Explain yourself right now.”

Kasey squirmed a little under the sudden attention, but he couldn’t fight a laugh. Of course this was how they were all going to find out.

He sighed. “Long story short, Alex and I got ridiculously drunk one night in Vegas and decided to get married for shits and giggles, and then we never did anything about it.”

“What the fuck.” Finn was the first to break the silence. “What the fuck what the fuck.” He grabbed his phone from his stall and opened it, aggressively tapping at the screen. “Alex!” he very nearly shouted into his phone. Kasey could hear his bright laughter through the phone. “What the fuck?”

“Don’t bug him, Finn,” Kasey tried, but the red-head would hear nothing of it.

“Alex O’Hara, you get your ass down here now,” Finn demanded into the phone, and then promptly hung up. Kasey just shook his head and went back to getting dressed. A few moments later, the locker room door squeaked open and Alex stood before the team, wearing his Winters jersey and fighting a smirk.

“Something wrong Finn?” he asked with feigned innocence.

“Yes, you little shit. Sirius said you’re married? To Kasey?”

Alex’s eyes danced. “It’s possible.”

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “Prove it.”

“Finn how the fuck do you propose I do that?”

He jerked his head towards Kasey. “Kiss him.”

Alex frowned. “Dude, we’re literally together, you know this.”

But Finn’s jaw was set stubbornly, and Kasey knew that look never meant anything good. So Alex sighed good-naturedly and crossed the room to Kasey, stopping in front of him.

“Okay?” he asked quietly, meant only for Kasey’s ears. He nodded minutely.

Alex smiled softly, then leaned forward and captured his lips in a gentle kiss, one hand coming to rest on the small of Kasey’s back, the other cupping his cheek. After a moment he pulled away and looked expectantly back at Finn, staring at the two of them with a mixture of shock and approval.

“Satisfied?” Alex asked smugly, staying tucked against Kasey’s side. Kasey would never admit it, and certainly not in front of the team, but he rather enjoyed having Alex here, feeling his warmth even through the pads, knowing he’d later be watching the game and cheering him on.

“Fine,” Finn grumbled. “But I still can’t believe you kept that a secret.”

Conflicting emotions crossed Alex’s face, there and then gone, invisible unless one knew to look. Kasey knew the unintentional pain Finn’s words had on his brother, and knew Alex was far too polite to get into it with Finn right then.

“Talk to him later, baby,” Kasey whispered to Alex, hiding it by pressing a kiss to his cheek. “It’ll be okay.”

Alex nodded, hiding the pain with a good-natured smile. But he stayed pressed against Kasey, and that told him all he needed to know.

~

“Hey Finn!” Alex called out, jogging down the hallway to catch his brother, leaving with Leo and Logan.

“Yeah, what’s up?” he asked distractedly, still glancing down at his phone.

“I need to borrow you for a moment.” Finn looked up at him, eyes narrowing, before murmuring something to his boys. They both nodded and kissed him before continuing on towards the exit.

“What’s up?” Finn asked, clicking his phone off and sliding it into his pocket.

“I um...” Alex trailed off, finding himself suddenly without words, despite thinking over what he wanted to say earlier. “Just wanted to talk.”

“If this is about before, you don’t have to worry about it,” Finn interrupted gently before Alex could continue. “It’s okay. I get why you kept it a secret.”

Alex released a breath and stared at his little brother. He felt like he was just now seeing him for the first time, and seeing the man he had become in the past few years. He’d never noticed before, the understanding and kindness behind Finn’s lighthearted gaze.

“How did you know?”

Finn shrugged. “You’re easy to read.”

~

When Alex got home, he found Natalie watching television on the couch, Kasey seemingly asleep on her lap. She smiled when he appeared in the doorway, beckoning him over silently.

“You talk to Finn?” she asked silently as he slid in on her other side. She let him lean into her, tossing the blanket over him as well.

“Yeah.”

“And?”

Alex shrugged. “He was... surprisingly understanding about the whole thing. I didn’t even have to say anything. He just seemed to know.”

“Yeah, he’s like that sometimes,” Kasey mumbled, and Alex jumped a little.

“Hey, you’re awake.” Kasey didn’t bother sitting up, but he opened his eyes and looked blearily up at the two of them.

“Yeah. Was just resting.”

The three of them fell silent then, letting the comfortable silence settle over them.

“Hey Nat?” Alex broke the silence after a while.

“What’s up?”

“Were you serious about the whole marriage thing? Do you really want to get married at some point? Like, not married married. But, you know.”

“Yeah, I do,” she replied sincerely. “Maybe not yet. I don’t think we’re ready for that yet. But at some point.”

“I’d really like that,” Kasey said quietly.

“Me too.”

She smiled. “We should go to Vegas. Bring the whole thing full circle, y’know?”

Kasey huffed a laugh, “Whatever you want.”

[espinosaurusrexex]

Not Nice

In which Jeff and y/n have a heart to heart conversation about their relationship.

warnings: angst; just really sad, because that's what I do... BUT don’t worry, ya girl put some serious fluff in there, too!

a/n: Hello! God, it’s been a long time... How is everyone doing? I just felt like putting something out there again after not being able to write for so long. I don't know why; and I should actually be working on some term papers, but I found myself writing this so fast. I wrote this, because I felt like it, so it is not request related. I hope there are still some people whose feed this will end up on. I would love some feedback and as always: please enjoy! I hope you didn't forget about me :)

word count: 2.7k

It was a cool California night. Still not cold for February, but enough to send a shiver through your body when stepping outside. Y/n would normally not even consider going out right now, but the situation had called for it. David had called her minutes before, screaming at her through the phone to get her butt over to his house for a big problem that left him sleepless. She had fallen asleep on her desk trying to complete one of the assignments that were due by the end of the semester and basically fell off her chair when her phone rang annoyingly loud in her right ear. To say that she would rather be in her warm bed instead of her cold leather car seat was an understatement. But she knew that not helping David would leave her sleepless for days and seeing that it had already been 4 in the morning, she grabbed her keys and left. She was so tired that the lines on the road kept blurring in different directions. Just a couple more minutes, she thought to keep her focus on the road, but the exhaustion was unbearable at this point. A loud horn drew her back to reality when she accidentally served in the other lane. Shaking and flustered, she pulled over and rubbed her face with her hands aggressively. Pull yourself together Y/n. David needs your help. She looked up again, but the headlights of the few other cars made her eyes hurt, giving her an instant headache. That’s it. She was selfless, but not irresponsible. After searching for her phone in the passenger seat, she dialed Jeff’s number. Why she called him, she didn’t know. It was like an automatic movement to type in his number. The shrill beeping of the phone echoed through her head until Jeff’s sleepy voice broke it. “Are you Ok?“ He sounded confused and his voice reminded her of the time he had a terrible cold. Shit. “Oh my God. I’m sorry I didn’t think about the time. I-,“ but Jeff interrupted his friend with a chuckle. “It’s Ok. I was about to get up anyway.“ There was silence, and Y/n could hear him shuffling out of his bedsheets. “David called me and said he wanted me to help him with something.“ Y/n could almost hear the eye roll on the other line, and if she weren’t so tired, she would have probably laughed at it. “I’m guessing he called you, too?“ It sounded more like a question, but Jeff knew that he was right. “Yeah that’s actually why I called…“ She rested her head on the seat. “I’m on Linkin’ Road and I am too tired to drive… I was wondering… I- Could you maybe pick me up?“ She closed her eyes to focus on her friend’s voice. Jeff was grinning, she could hear it when he agreed to pick her up. Y/n’s heart beat faster at this. It was so insignificant and yet so attractive to her.

A couple minutes passed until Jeff’s car pulled up next to hers, sending vibrations through the floor and back to Y/n’s. She looked up and spotted a grinning man on the driver’s side rolling down the window to throw a holler at her. “Need a ride, beautiful?“ Y/n smiled, trying to hide the butterflies in her stomach. She got into his car taking in his woody scent and buckled up. Jeff threw a blanket over her legs and drove towards David’s house. The Drive was about 20 minutes and spend with Jeff humming to the calm tunes of the radio that sent Y/n straight to sleep. When they finally arrived, he tapped her shoulder lightly. “Y/n wake up. We’re here.“ 

They both walked into the house and went straight for the living room, where David was probably seated. It was so bright that Y/n had to rub her eyes. As soon as the brunette noticed his friends, he jumped up excitedly. “Now that everyone is finally here…“ It was just now that Y/n noticed that her whole friend group was scattered in the living room, snuggled up with fuzzy blankets or their significant other. Everyone was looking up to David, who was now standing on top of his couch table waving his remote control in the air. “It came to my attention that our dear friend Jeff has a problem.“ His grin grew wider with every word and if Y/n weren’t so exhausted, she would have probably noticed the mischief in David’s eyes. Jeff was looking around the room, trying to figure out if anybody could give him a hint on what was about to happen, and in his mind, a series of problematic things, he had recently done, were playing like a record. „What do you mean?“ He laughed nervously and scooted closer to Y/n. It always calmed him down to feel her next to him. David proceeded to pull his audience’s attention to the TV behind him. A blurry picture showed on the screen, displaying a woman in a tight blue dress and Jeff dancing in a rather inappropriate way. “Jeff, I think someone might have leaked something to the paparazzi.“ Before Y/n could process what was happening, the room filled with laughter. Y/n stood there as if she had turned to stone, too tired to show any form of emotion. She struggled to pull the corners of her mouth into a smile but she felt like throwing up then and there. Why did he not tell me about this? Why is this making me so sad? It was when Jeff’s hand had touched hers, that she was pulled back to reality. A wave of emotions came crushing over her, making her eyes water and her already pounding headache intensify. She was mad for so many reasons. Mad about David for pulling her away from a much-needed sleep by using her good conscience and selflessness to get her to his house for an immature prank that broke her heart. She was mad that she had not realized sooner how much of an impact Jeff actually had on her. And most of all, she was mad about the fact that something so stupid could even make her mad. It was all too much, and Y/n could not hold it any longer. Her thoughts had been weighing her down for too long now, making her feel like collapsing under their pressure. “Y/n are you okay?“ David managed to yell across the room. “What do you think of Jeff’s new girlfriend?“ Those words hit her like a truck. Girlfriend. The word made her shiver. Jeff did not have a girlfriend for the entire time they had known each other and Y/n never had to deal with the possible bother she would get from it. “I think they look great together!“ Someone said and this made Y/n burst. “You wanna know what I think about it?“ Everyone cheered, waiting for Y/n to drop a punch line. “I think that you’re an asshole, David. This is such bullshit!“ Low laughter were heard until David spoke again: “Don’t be such a drag, Y/n/n.“ Y/n tensed up again and Jeff tried to nudge her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down, but she shrugged him off harshly. “You don’t know what it is like to have responsibilities. I am late on two assignments and the average amount of sleep I get each night is about 2 hours. And you know what I ditched those two hours for today? Your fucking stupid prank. You think you can order everyone at any time just to end up on a 4:20 min vlog. You live in some fucked up carefree parallel universe. But guess what! Not everyone has this reality. Grow up, David! I can’t do this anymore. Being your friend is beyond exhausting and you don’t even care. God! You are the worst person I know!“ The room fell silent until a quiet “That was so uncalled for…“ could be heard. Y/n searched the crowd for the source of that statement in vain. “I’m just saying what every-“ But Jeff interrupted her, “Y/n! That’s enough!“ She shot him a dark glimpse and left the house with a shaking head. 

Y/n trembled from head to toe when she burst through the door of David’s house and the brisk air hit her skin. She just started to walk with no direction in mind. Her view was blurry from the tears pooling up in her eyes, but she did not care. The exhaustion in her bones was making her body hurt. Y/n did not stop, though. She just walked in hopes of the pain in both her heart and body was going to fade after some time. It felt like hours until she finally stopped. Her feet had lead her to a familiar spot. A small clearing with a beautiful view over the city. She sat down and allowed herself to breathe for the first time in hours. What have I done?

It was still dark when Jeff's Car pulled up on the clearing. He sat in the driver’s seat for a while watching Y/n’s back shake and his heart felt squeezed. He always knew that he had a soft spot for her, but this felt different. Almost too much to process. He took a deep breath and walked up to Y/n, resting his hand on her shoulder once again. She looked up and smiled at him with this glimmering spark of sunshine in her eyes, but this time it wasn’t real. Not genuine enough for her. “I don’t get it. You seem like the happiest person in the world.“ Jeff sat down shaking his head while studying the floor beneath his feet. Y/n looked up. Anger flickered in her eyes as she realized what had slipped out of her friend’s mouth. “You wanna know why I’m always positive? You want to know why I’m always so ‚nice‘?“ Tears streamed down her face while she tried to hide the way her features cramped up in pain from the thoughts that flooded her brain like a tsunami. Y/n held her breath for a few seconds trying to collect herself before talking again. The attempt to cover up the ugly sobs that were about to slip her lips made her head feel like bursting. “I’m nice because I’m scared that if I speak my mind, people won’t like me anymore. I am positive because a lot of times I feel like that is the only thing that people could like about me.“ The words hit Jeff right in the heart. He caught her eyes for a second and shivered. He could see her breaking. Breaking to the point where it wouldn’t be a quick fix anymore that could be handled by a hug or kind words. No, the girl he saw in front of him, the very same girl that was sitting there, knees tucked to her chest, face hidden between it and her shoulders, was crumbling into a million pieces. Her body quivered as she attempted to hold her knees even tighter, trying everything to not fall apart any further. Jeff’s eyes started to water. It was a feeling he had never felt before. As if his heart was pulling on thin strains that were able to flood his entire brain with emotions yet so fragile. He hated seeing her like that. He hated everything about this situation. But the worst thing was that he didn’t know how to fix things. He wanted her to be happy, to be careless, and not let people’s opinions or some stupid assignment get the better of her, but he didn’t know how. It’s started to annoy him to the point where even the sky above him with the beautiful stars made him furious. “I had no idea…“ he trailed off after a while. Every word leaving his lips felt like one too much, but at the same time, he felt like he was not even able to say enough to fix things for her. “I’m so sorry.“ He just sat there shaking his head while moving some soil with his right hand. Y/n stayed quiet. She didn’t know what to say either. She felt bad for laying all her issues on him like that, but it felt so good. Iike a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Before she could even think about a response, Jeff interrupted her again. “You should feel able to tell me stuff like this, Y/n/n.“ They locked eyes and Y/n could see the pain in his. “No, I know… It's just that-“ “That what?“ Jeff was desperately hoping for anything that could help him help her. “I don't want to be a bother… especially not for you.“ She hid her face between her knees again, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill. “Oh, Y/n… You could never.“ He grabbed her hands and basically forced her to look back at him again. Y/n could feel the wet soil squeezed between their fingers, making her hand tingle a little. “Never in a million years do or say anything that would make me think anything less of you than an amazing person.“ A genuine smile formed on Jeff’s lips. He could see her relaxing with his touch. Just like he did with hers. “That means a lot, Jeff.“ The way she said his name sent shivers down his spine. His smile grew even wider and Y/n took the tiny bit of confidence in her to speak again. “Especially coming from you… I-“ Secretly hoping he would interrupt her like he always did, Y/n looked up through her lashes. “I know. Me too…“ Jeff smiled. There was this twinkle in his eyes. Just a faint glimmer for every other person, but for Y/n it meant the world. Like a whole new galaxy had been opened just for her. There was something so obvious and unspoken between them now and Y/n loved that they both knew what it was. With no intention to address it, Jeff leaned in closer to her. He watched her face with intent, making sure that she was feeling better from her previous breakdown before he planned on doing anything else. But all she did was smile and hint a small nod his way. That was enough for him. He longed for her lips. His hand wandered back to her shoulder, squeezing it slightly as he bumped his nose against hers. Y/n moved her fingers towards Jeff’s face, touching the scruff on his jaw lightly. They could feel the electricity dancing in the centimeters that separated them. With a final look into her eyes, Jeff pressed his lips against hers, enjoying the warmth for a moment. They started to move in synch, devouring each other. There was nothing else at this moment. Nothing, except for the salty taste of tears and the overwhelming warmth of a loved one. Jeff’s chest felt like bursting from joy. He loved the feeling this moment was giving him. It felt like finally breathing after holding a breath for a month. Their kiss felt like a Valve that had finally been opened for Y/n. It was letting all the hurt and worry out of her system and made the moment even more enjoyable. 

Once they separated from one another, there was nothing but positivity lingering in the air around them. They looked into each other’s eyes until Y/n was ripped from the moment by a yawn that had been sitting in her throat for hours. She rested her head on Jeff’s shoulder and slowly drifted off to sleep. Jeff was stroking her head calmly. There were no more words needed anymore. This moment was perfect.

Jeff looked ahead and noticed the sun rising on the horizon, dipping the world into beautiful red and yellow tones. He took a deep breath, leaning back carefully and enjoying the considerably most wholesome moment to ever exist. 

Hey hey, it’s me again. I know it’s not the best and I know it’s kinda short, but I just wanted to get something out there again. It felt good to write, but unfortunately I don’t have a lot of time lately. I hope you enjoyed this little piece anyways. I would love to hear some feedback on it. Thank you so much for reading this far!

[shoichee]

Rose-Tinted

Craving for angst with kise please!! Like both are afraid to act on their feelings which ends up hurting the both of them unconsciously. Idk, maybe kise is trying to “test” the girl, but went a bit too far i guess. Whatever floats your boat!! I just want angst but maybe hopefully still HEA in the end (or whichever your muse takes you) ;-; thank youu ❤️

Kise x Reader

Word Count: 6975

Note: oh my GOD, HELP THIS WAS 17 PAGES ON MY GOOGLE DOC I COULDNT STOP MYSELF………. angst, happy ending, fake dating!au, mean old kise ….. girl idk WHAT I WROTE I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT ????? reader POV first half and kise POV second half~

@knb-kreations

»»—————　☼　—————««

He holds you so gently, the touch so feather-light as he cradles your head and dips his own head in for a soft peck. The warmth of his lips makes you feel things you shouldn’t feel, things that you still chased for more in a never-ending cycle. You hold onto his hands thumbing your temples to try to anchor yourself further into the bliss, but it ends all too soon when he separates from you and gives you a radiant smile.

You were rudely pulled out of your rose-tinted trance when you heard gasps and chatter amongst the gawking students nearby, particularly Kise’s fans. He doesn’t pay any mind to their reactions and turns his friendly demeanor towards them.

“So you see everyone,” he cheerfully says. “I’m sorry I can’t accept any of your affections, as much as it flatters me so… after all, I have my dear (y/n)-cchi by my side!”

Groans and cries rung throughout the campus as most wail about missing out the opportunity to be Kise’s romantic partner, but before you can listen to their laments, Kise hurriedly tugs you away to the privacy of the back of a building nearby, away from prying eyes and ears. He drops your wrist just as fast and yawns with a stretch.

“What time should we meet up tomorrow?” he casually says, taking out his phone from his pocket.

“Huh?”

“Well, we can’t exactly sell our image of us being a couple unless we walk to and from school together consistently, right (y/n)?”

The rose-tinted lenses on your self-indulgent fantasy shatters to the ground instantly. You gulp, the swallowed spit hitting down to your stomach in heavy dread, where it was previously occupied by fluttering butterflies just moments prior.

This isn’t real.

“Ah… um,” you hesitated, thinking of a reasonable time, so you can wake up and get ready accordingly. “How about this time…”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he replies, shutting off his phone before he walks a few steps away from you but then stopping. “Huh, uh… should I walk you home first? There might be some nosy people around, and we might as well get some practice in as an official couple.”

“W-Why don’t we start tomorrow morning instead?” you suggest. “A lot’s happened today, and well, I wanna have some time to myself.” Kise impassively stares at you for a couple of seconds before he forms a grin.

“Ah ha, well then, (y/n)-cchi,” he shouts jovially, making sure that his voice rang throughout the area for anyone nearby to hear. “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow morning, my love!”

“Y-Yeah…” you mumbled, your hand held up in a half-hearted wave. “See you…”

With that parting, you turned to the opposite direction to exit through the side gates to get to your home. Your mind scrambles to recall the impulsive decisions you decided to take on a whim today. The grip on your bag tightens as you finally realized what sort of situation you got yourself into.

You like Kise, plain and simple. You’ve always gazed longingly at him whenever his presence entered within your line of vision. You couldn’t even fault his fans for being so whipped for the basketball player in the first place, not when you felt like you were more enthralled by him than anyone else. So what does a love-stricken fool like you do when the source of attraction directly asks you to partake in a “relationship?” You immediately accept his conditional proposal on auto-pilot before he barely finishes his sentence.

It felt so wrong, yet so right. How can you hate this arrangement when you enjoyed that first kiss you shared with Kise earlier? But how can you love this arrangement when you knew Kise only kissed you to drive everyone off? You stopped on the sidewalk and heaved a huge exhale, and you continued to walk again, the action not even remotely able to clear your head. Your mind continues to swirl and race.

You agreed to this. He even laid out his intentions very clearly to you, and he was more than ready to leave you alone if you didn’t consent to this. But stupid, desperate you did. You were ashamed to feel even a shred of flattery when he told you that you were the only one he can ask to drive off his fans in this only effective method: a relationship.

“Why me?” you said, looking up at his casual posture. “Don’t you have someone you like to ask to be in a relationship? I’m sure they’d be more than happy to accept you…”

“Well,” he mumbled. “I don’t really have someone in mind… you’re kinda the only one who doesn’t drool over me whenever I’m near, and I just ought to ask for your help.”

“W-Well,” you slightly stammered. “I’m okay with helping you, right, so…”

“This isn’t something to accept so readily, you know,” he said, raising a brow. “I know this is super sudden, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to force an answer out of you right at this moment. Besides, I don’t think there’s any incentive for you to be in this either? It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“N-No!” you interrupted, but you coughed to regain your composure. “I mean, I do have something in this… maybe if I got with you, people would stop trying to harass and tease me if I had someone like you by my side.” That was a half-truth, but you knew there was no way you could reveal your crush to him… not when he believed you were “different” from the others. But can anyone blame you for sticking up for Kise when someone was talking about him like a piece of meat rather than a normal person? “Besides, for you to get to this point, things must’ve gotten too chaotic to simply tell them to stop, right?”

“Huh… is that so,” he said, stretching his neck, but you didn’t know whether or not he intentionally ignored your last question. “Well, if you’re fine with this, I’m letting you know now that we’ll be doing actual couple stuff, like…” He pauses for a second to gauge your reaction. “Hugging, hand-holding… probably kissing too…”

“Y-Yeah,” you nodded. “That’s fine with me! And we’ll have a code word in case either of us overstep our boundaries in any way… maybe…”

“Unagi,” he said.

“Huh? Why?”

“Because they’re the bane of evil…”

“It’s just a dish, but…” you laughed, giddy at how he already showed a different side to you apart from his cool persona. “Alright, let’s go with that.”

How long were you able to keep this up? You pat yourself on the cheeks to dismiss the rest of your fantasies. If you keep this up, Kise will soon notice how you actually were head-over-heels for him all this time, and surely you’ll lose any future chance with him. Besides, maybe you can use this unique arrangement to learn about Kise and his hobbies other than basketball. Yes, you tell yourself, jogging the rest of the way home. It won’t be so bad, after all.

———

Starting today, you’ll be officially dating Kise.

That’s how it is on paper, anyways.

How are you supposed to act while dating the Kise Ryōta? Equally cool and flamboyant? Athletically capable? Would you weird out Kise if you were the one initiating physical affection?

“(y/n)!”

You flinch, not expecting anyone to call for you so early in the morning, and your walking route to school was never shared with another student as far as you were concerned. After all, your path was a little more obscured and unorthodox compared to the majority of students traversing the main neighborhood paths.

“Sorry… did I scare you?” You stop and turn to the source of the voice, only to be surprised when you see Kise himself. “Why do you look so surprised? Didn’t we agree on the time to meet up and walk to school together?”

“Oh… yeah…” In the midst of your thoughts, it seems that you forgot the arrangements you made with him yesterday evening. “My bad?”

“Oh, come on,” he gives a mock-hurt face with a hand to his chest. “Am I that forgettable, (y/n)?”

“N-No!” you immediately deny. You knew it was more like the other way around, the way constant thoughts of Kise preoccupy in your head too much. How can you ever forget him when he constantly runs through your mind everyday for so long? Kise merely gives a good-natured sigh before he changes the subject.

“Kidding,” he says, holding out a hand to you. “Seriously though, get your act together. We gotta start acting the part if we want this to work.” You stare at his hand, hesitating for a split moment before you put your own hand on top. His large hand easily encompasses yours, and the warmth makes you widen your eyes. It… felt nice.

You were so entranced by your linked hands that you failed to notice how Kise was staring at your face with a sharp glint in his eyes, but when you look up back to his face, he easily morphs his expression into his signature grin. He swings your hands around like an excited kid and turns to walk ahead to tug you along.

“Alrighty!~ Let’s hurry together before I get chewed out by Kasamatsu-senpai!”

“Kise, have you ever considered that it’s not really your tardiness that gets the captain mad but more so about the way you seem to irritate him with the way you skip around?”

“(y/n),” he says with a pout, “you know you’re not being convincing when you use my last name to address me as your boyfriend.”

“R-Right,” you stammer, still not used to the entire situation. “Ah… wait. Don’t you uh… call people who are close to you with -cchi?”

“Huh…” he mumbles, looking up at the cloudy sky before looking ahead of the path. “Not necessarily people who are close, just people who I really admire. I guess I addressed you like that yesterday without really thinking.”

“U-Uh, right… sorry.” He stops walking with your hand still in tow, and you almost bumped into his back at his sudden movement. He turns to you with a quite serious look.

“Do you want me to call you that?”

It was a normal question, but for some reason it felt like the next sentence coming from your mouth would make a huge impact on the way the two of you would interact in the future. From the way Kise looks at you with such a scrutinizing gaze, it feels like a trick question, and you’re not sure how to answer it. Your mouth goes dry when you try to reply.

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Kise’s eyes widen a fraction before he gives an unexpected chortle. “Pfft… how do you not know what you want to be addressed as?”

“Arrgh, oh shut it!” you frown, hitting his arm in a fluster before stalking off ahead. You remember that you were supposed to go to school together, and you begrudgingly stop and turn back to wait for him to catch up. “Ryōta, just call me whatever you want. You’re already calling me by my first name, so I doubt anyone would care if you added -cchi or not.” Still, your cheeks turn pink at the realization that Kise would be uttering your first name for the next couple… whenever this relationship will last.

“You… wait up!” Kise wheezes dramatically, despite the both of you knowing full well how easily he can catch up to your stride. “You really shouldn’t be treating your boyfriend like that! Especially on the first day!” Kise holds your hand again to lead you to the rest of the way to school.

All the while, you’ve been staring at his back, your heartstrings being tugged so mercilessly at the cacophony of emotions you were feeling the whole time. He felt so warm, so inviting, but the way he held your hands felt cold and transactional.

———

You’re not sure how to react whenever Kise introduced himself as your “boyfriend” to everyone or whenever nosy students inquired about your new “boyfriend.” All you could do was gulp and manage the most convincing act you could do within different contexts. Smile, laugh, get bashful, be modest in talking about how Kise managed to “like” you, pretend you know many embarrassing stories and sides to him that no one else did. Truthfully, you were just as in the dark as anybody else.

You think the only reason why everyone bought the couple-act was due to how enamored you were in talking about him. This was the only response you could be truthful about. At least you could use your huge crush to your advantage in portraying yourself as the “lovey-dovey” half of the couple. Yet it feels unbelievably wrong.

You knew you had to prepare yourself some preset answers for curious students, but you didn’t expect yourself to be participating in neverending “interviews” in these social settings. You thought this relationship would entail a closer access to Kise’s true self, but things suggest otherwise.

“Ryōta,” you say, peering up at his face as the both of you walk down the hallway to your designated spot for lunch together. Even as you two walk, he puts a reasonable distance between the two of you when there is no one in close proximity. Even when you two are together, he only grabs your hand when it’s socially convenient. Even when Kise approaches you to talk, you know it’s never anything beyond for the sake of acting. And you agreed to this entire thing.

“Hm?” He spares a glance to your figure before returning his gaze ahead.

“Uh, I brought extra food today,” you say, trying to use this situation to try to express your genuine feelings to him in small increments. “I brought an extra bento box too… in case, you don’t wanna actually share one…” He was about to reply before a pair of students turned around the corner to head towards your direction. Kise narrows his eyes at the unexpected turn of events, and immediately turns to you brightly.

“(y/n)! You really thought that I wouldn’t like the idea?” he pouts. “Of course I wanna share a bento with you! Silly…” He slightly bends to your level to place a chaste peck on your forehead.

“Ah…” you freeze at his soft touch, your legs stiff in place as you stop walking. Kise, in response, moves his lips to your ears, and you slightly shiver at the unexpected intimacy… it was the closest he’s gotten to you ever since that public stunt when he kissed you in front of everyone the other day.

“Hey, don’t just stand there… you can’t overreact like this over something couples do everyday.” You bit your lip in an attempt to stop your heart from sinking from disappointment, but in turning your face to him to spill an apology, your face ended up right in front of his. Your eyes widen but he only stares at you with such an intensity that makes you hold your breath in anticipation.

But he immediately draws away and stretches with a yawn. “Looks like those people left right after they thought they intruded on a private moment between us,” he says. “Sheesh, people really do the most to be so nosy nowadays.” You wonder how he can be so casual about this all. Perhaps it was a mistake to be here like this when you were so in love with him, overthinking every single thing he did.

Why didn’t he kiss you this time? Did he not find you the teensiest attractive enough to want to kiss you even without an audience nearby?

“Come on,” he mumbles, waving a hand through your face. “Quit making that face. I won’t be doing that to you without warning anytime soon. My bad, okay?” Kise sheepishly holds out a hand for a handshake to make peace, and you wordlessly take his hand. One day, you’ll stop being his special someone to savor his warmth…

No, you thought, you’re an idiot… he’s never considered you as someone special.

You debated in telling him that you were fine with him kissing you, but you hold your tongue, afraid that he’ll realize your true feelings about him. Besides, were you really okay with him kissing you when he didn’t reciprocate the same feelings?

“It… wasn’t like what you think,” you hesitate. “It just caught me off guard.”

“Well,” he laughs. “That’s a relief! By the way…” He stops to settle himself on the bench. “What’s exactly your lunch? Since you went through the effort to bring extras, I guess I’ll eat them.”

“I packed salmon from leftovers I had from home,” you reply, taking out your bento box and utensils. You decide to shake off your negative thoughts and shove them to the back of your mind. He makes a horrified face at the lunchbox. “Kise, what’s wrong?”

“Do you… happen to have anything else packed?”

“Rice?”

“Well,” he coughs. “I’m not a fan of dishes with boned fish.”

“Didn’t you say you hated unagi too?” Kise shyly averts his gaze before he reluctantly confirms it so. “They’re delicious though! Especially when they’re grilled!” At first, he refused to answer, but the more you tried to poke and prod (literally too, at his ribs), he finally gave in.

“Alright, alright! But I swear, you better not tell anyone!… I choked on a fish bone one time…”

“… And?”

“And yeah.”

“You choked on a bone once and you got scared out of eating fish—”

“Shhhh!” he hushes, emphasizing his hiss with a finger to his lips. At this very moment, you saw a glimpse into who Kise really is, and you can’t help but bust out a genuine, carefree laugh for the first time in front of him. In embarrassment, he bonks your head with his fist to get you to stop laughing, but it only makes you more conscious of how close he is to you.

But just as quickly and telepathically, Kise puts some distance between the two of you, sitting closer to the edge of the bench. He opts to hunch over casually and keenly watch you scarf down your meal in minutes without a care.

You wonder if you should feel guilty for enjoying this moment with Kise, even if he was only waiting with you out of obligation of being your “boyfriend,” but right now, you allowed yourself to indulge, letting your heart beat sporadically without guilt and fear for once. You continue to savor your lunch in silence, concentrating on munching around the fish bones, while Kise sat in contemplation all the while.

———

“You should come watch our practice game today, (y/n).”

“Eh?”

You tilt your head at him in confusion. It’s been two weeks since you started this arrangement with him, but nothing extraordinary or groundbreaking happened between the two of you, much to your despondency. But you knew, you shouldn’t be asking for too much when you already have the once-in-a-lifetime chance to be close to him like this.

“There’s going to be a lot of people coming,” he explains. “Even if it’s just a practice game… it’d be weird if you weren’t there, because, you know, we’re dating.”

“I don’t mind going,” you reply. “It sounds fun.”

“You know, you’ve been agreeing to everything I’ve been suggesting the entire time,” he mumbles to himself, but he zips his mouth shut when he sees you instinctively moving closer to try to catch what he said. “Uh, in any case… just stop by the gym whenever you can.”

So here you are a few hours later, being the first person to settle yourself on top of the 2nd floor of the gym. You rest your arms on the railway, fascinated by the Kaijō basketball team and their skills. As they warm up on the courts, it’s the first time you see Kise truly at ease and happy with the people he cares about, and your heart pangs in jealousy seeing his genuine smile. You were pulled out of your thoughts when you realized the gym became completely crowded, the constant chattering announcing huge crowds along the entrance and the lucky watchers at the 2nd floor with you.

You didn’t mind the onlookers when all you were focused on was Kise throughout the entire game with a smitten look, and you weren’t surprised when his team easily won against the other local school.

“That’s Kise isn’t it?” You were about to turn to leave the higher floor to wait outside the gym when you heard his name. You stop to eavesdrop on the conversation next to you.

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing about him way too much. Something about him dating now?”

“He’s dating (l/n) right now, which is super weird because they never even talked… and all of the sudden, they’re dating? I didn’t think of him to be into short-term flings.”

“You think he’s using (l/n) in some way? What an asshole.”

“Yikes. You’re probably not even that far off the bulls-eye. He’s a really heartless guy, from what I’ve heard.”

“Hey,” you interrupt, scaring the two girls out of their wits before they turn to you. “I don’t think you should talk about Kise like that when all you know of him is through speculation.”

“Ugh, here we go again with his fans…” one of them groans, rolling her eyes. “Look, I get it, he’s good-looking and all, but I don’t understand how you can defend him to death when he doesn’t even spare a glance at you… ah… shit, you’re (l/n)?” A flash of hurt was visible on your face for a split second before you frowned. Their words unintentionally hit the nail in the coffin.

“Whether I’m (l/n) or not doesn’t really matter,” you say angrily. “Gossiping about anyone like that isn’t something you should make a habit out of.”

“Jeez, let’s just leave,” the other girl whispers, dragging the first girl along.

You simply stand there watching them leave, but you can’t shake off what they said. They were right… how could you be so whipped for him when you know he’ll never see you the same way?

“Oy!”

Kise’s voice brings you back to your consciousness as he waves at you from the court. “You’ve been standing there for a while! Hurry up, or I’ll leave you behind, (y/n)-cchi!”

“Coming!” You race from the 2nd floor to the ground level to catch up to him, your heart pounding all the while. Did he… did he just…?

You shake your head before you reunite with him to walk home together. Stop it… don’t overthink it.

———

Kise waits at his usual spot to wait for you before walking to school together. It’s been three weeks since he’s approached you to “date.” He’s grown quite comfortable with this arrangement, being close to you and backing off when it’s convenient. After all, if you somehow showed a gruesome true self of yours, he’d be able to separate himself from you with no consequences… even if his heart would cry out not to.

“Ryōta!” There you are, running down the path towards him so cheerfully. Could you really be an awful person when you have such a pure smile like that?

“Ah, (y/n)-cchi,” he says. “We should hurry if we wanna be inside campus. It’s a little chilly today, so being indoors sounds really nice right now.” He peers over to your face to see your nose slightly red from the cold, and he huffs out a chuckle, noting the warm puff of air escaping from his own lips.

“I guess it’s a little cold today,” you say, looking up at Kise with a slight childish wonder. “Hey, that’s a pretty cool cloud that you puffed out.”

“You have some clouds around you too.” He gently smiles, and he notes that your eyes widen at the sight of him. “Wha? Is my face that horrific, (y/n)-cchi?” You avert your gaze as your cheeks grow just as red as your nose.

“Nah… i-it’s nothing…ah—” He holds your cheeks to turn your face back to him, and he draws near with a serious gaze, bumping his forehead against yours.

“You’re actually really cold…”

“Uh, um… I don’t think I’m c-cold anymore—” you stammer, your eyes darting to look everywhere but his face, and Kise’s eyes only scrutinize your behavior further.

“Hm, if you say so…” he mumbles. Your eyes flutter close at the anticipation, and he feels the pull towards your lips, closing his own lids shut…

Wait, what was he thinking? He snaps his lids open and slightly draws himself away to look at you, still vulnerable with your closed eyes. It’s only when he drops his hands from your cheeks and turns to walk ahead when you flutter your eyes open again. Don’t let your feelings for (y/n) blind you into figuring out who they really are.

“Come on,” Kise calls out to you. “We should get going… we don’t wanna be late.” Besides, what if there’s a possibility that you don’t really like him at all?

“Y-Yeah…”

The rest of the walk was in silence, with Kise slightly ahead of you. Perhaps if he turned around at least once to check on you, he would’ve seen the consequences of his actions.

You were silently crying the entire walk.

———

Nothing seems to change much for the entire month. The way the two of you dance and sway around each other, while never being too close, never being too affectionate, never being completely honest. In this shared rose-tinted world, the frail glass that holds these moments together threatens to break with every fickle interaction. Every shared kiss constitutes another small crack to the rose-tinted crystal.

And both of you are content with just the way things are.

Or that’s what you both mutter to yourselves like a mantra.

“Ryōta!” you call out to him. “Did you wait long?”

“Not really,” he says. “I just barely got out too… the teacher was really lenient on dismissal today, actually.” His heart swells at the sight of you as usual, but just as quickly, he’s always managed to quash his emotions in check.

For the first time, you initiate physical touch with him without hesitation, linking your hands with his and snuggling up to him. He flinches, not fast enough to process the sudden warmth of your body, and he immediately separates himself from you. Do you actually like him after all?… No, something is up, right?

“Ryōta…?” You flinch just as severely from the sudden reaction, and he turns to avoid looking at your face, knowing that his resolve would crumble right in front of you. He’s a coward, and he fucking knows it.

“S-Sorry, (y/n)-cchi! I don’t know what came over me like that, but you know you don’t have to force yourself to do things like that, right? There’s no one here, so let’s just walk home together like we always do, yeah?”

He turns to already walk ahead, too afraid of hearing your response and hoping you would follow and catch up to him… like you always do.

You simply stood there for a few moments, anguish clear as the sky above you as you keep telling yourself to manage your own expectations. Still, your voice croaks out quietly to respond to him, even if you knew he wasn’t going to hear it.

“… But I wanted to do these things with you, Ryōta.”

———

It’s been several days since that incident.

It was very awkward for the most part, the walks to and from school silent and suffocating. He’s not quite sure how to go about it while trying not to sound disingenuous about it. Nonetheless, even through his quiet apology, your face still lights up, and he’s confused about why you would ever be so forgiving of him.

Although today, lines have been crossed and this shared secretive world between the two of you have completely shattered to the point of no return.

It was quite a blur, an instinct that Kise has developed over the course of this relationship. Every time a group of students drew near, he was always ready to tug you close for a kiss until they left and carry on with their day. Today was usually no exception.

Another group of students was hanging around the corner, presumably spying on you two, and Kise did what he’s always done, grabbing your hand and embracing you for a kiss. Your eyes were blown open in surprise, but when you saw Kise’s eyes elsewhere, something finally snapped inside.

You push him away at his chest.

“U-Unagi… unagi…” Your voice trembles, and you use your arms to cover up the fresh tears. The code word sounds unbelievably stupid out of context, but at this moment, the word alone stabs Kise in his chest. “I-I… just stop… please.” Kise stares dumbly at you, processing the fact that you just used the agreed safe word against him.

“… (y/n)-cchi?” Kise asks with a confused smile. “You’ve never objected to kissing before… I’ve even told you what we’ll be doing if you agreed to this…?”

“How…” you choke on tears. “H-How can you kiss me like that while your eyes are on someone else…?”

“I don’t understand—”

“A-Am I that atrocious to kiss unless you stare at something else or there’s some convenience?”

“I don’t get it, (y/n)-cchi,” he frowns. “Did you expect more out of this or am I missing something?”

“There was no reason to kiss me like that,” you softly wail. “Everyone already knows we’re a thing for… o-over a month now. There’s no reason to kiss me around people anymore when they won’t suspect us anyways…”

“So you don’t want me to kiss you anymore?” Kise’s heart sinks in thinking about where this is going.

“No!—you don’t… you don’t fucking get it! I don’t get it—! Why are we doing this anymore—I just, I see no reason to continue this anymore… you already shooed off your fans, right? Why haven’t you ended this?!”

“(y/n)-cchi—I…” He reaches out for you, but you immediately recoil.

“No—please… no more, I can’t do this anymore!” you sniffle. “I can’t fucking do this… I’m done, I’m tired—please… just look for another person to take my place… I… I’m done—I can’t pretend with you anymore when I always expect more out of it like a love-stricken fool!”

“I…”

“Look—see,” you choke. “I’m just like everyone else who’s in love with you, I’m no different than everyone else R-Ryōta… so that’s why, I-I… can’t do this anymore!”

Kise stands there, staring at you running away from him. It was like everything had gone silent, save for the sound of his blood pounding in his ears.

“You think he’s using (l/n) in some way? What an asshole.”

“Yikes. You’re probably not even that far off the bulls-eye. He’s a really heartless guy, from what I’ve heard.”

He hated rumors, he really did… but for the first time, he feels like he deserves every word thrown at him around the hallways and classrooms. His memory flits to the time when he felt warm from seeing you standing up for him, even if he wasn’t bothered by them before. Now, the warmth is replaced by agonizing regret and guilt wracking through his entire body. His hands feel cold with you gone from his side.

What has he done?

———

He’s grown quiet for the next week.

It’s been a week since you ran from him, and it’s been a week since he last talked to you.

Even his teammates were concerned about his reserved behavior, but just as always, he’s managed to shoot them a convincing smile. Kasamatsu was more persistent about this but eventually dropped it seeing Kise’s refusal to talk about it.

That day when you pushed him away, he couldn’t sleep, his thoughts keeping him awake the entire night. He resolved himself to talk to you the next day… but he changed his mind the last minute… and then he told himself he’d do it the next day… and then he changed his mind again.

He tells himself that it’s because you rightfully hate him, with the way you’d surround yourself with other crowds and groups to prevent him from walking up to you when you were alone. He tells himself that it’s because both you and him needed space to cool off and go back to the way you two were. He refuses to tell himself that it’s because he’s an honest-to-god coward.

He misses you. He misses you damn badly. Why the fuck did he go through such lengths instead of confessing to you straight up? He tells himself that he was being cautious. He tells himself that he doesn’t want his heart to be broken again. He refuses to conclude that it’s because he’s a fucking coward.

“I don’t know what’s been on your mind, idiot,” Kasamatsu says. “But you better solve this yourself quickly if you’re not opening up to me about this. We can’t have your performance quality be dropping even in practice. Hurry up and fix this shit with (l/n)-san already.”

“H-How’d you know?!” Kise raises his head from his desk in astonishment.

“Tch, idiot,” he glowers, chopping Kise’s head with a swift hand. “It’s too obvious from the way you’re moping around… from the way you two stuck together all this time, who wouldn’t notice something happened from the way you’re at your desk watching (l/n)-san like that?”

“O-Ow…” Kise grumbles rubbing his head. Ironically, his captain’s hit cleared up his doubts and he took a deep breath before exhaling. “Got it, senpai.”

“You better.” Kasamatsu goes back to talking to his classmates during break, and even despite not knowing the truth of the relationship, he manages to give solid advice as usual.

Tomorrow. He’ll find you tomorrow.

———

He doesn’t know where else to find you alone other than the place he’s always waited for you before you two used to walk to school together. So he stands there, almost an hour earlier in case you had the idea to walk to school extremely early to avoid him at all costs.

He was right.

Here you are, shuffling your feet as you trudged yourself along the path and looking down at your feet. You even manage to walk past by him without noticing his presence.

Even if you’ve grown to hate him, he’s willed himself to come completely clean about his feelings to you for once. But a part of him is thinking to change his mind again and just let you slip away from his fingers. It’d spare the both of you the inevitable, right?

“R-Ryōta…?”

He was pulled from his thoughts, startled to see you staring at him from a short distance away. Apparently you did notice him after all.

“… (y/n)-cchi…” He swallows his words, knowing full well that his stupid words might blow this up for him again, his words responsible for all the rumors at school, his words responsible for hurting you and will hurt you again.

He wordlessly walks up to you and holds your cheek, and waits. He waits for you to push him away again. He waits for you to say the code word to let him know that you don’t want him near you again. The thought of you running away from him nearly brings him to tears, but he gulps his emotions down and stares at you calmly, with only his upturned brows hinting to his inner turmoil.

“Ryō—”

He swiftly brings his head down and kisses you. In feeling the warmth for the first time in a while, he greedily drinks from your lips, holding your temples more firmly as he searches for more, more, more.

You push him away.

Kise immediately lets go and stares at you like a lost child, unable to mask the devastation from the implications of your actions. But you’re still gripping his uniform tightly, almost as if you didn’t want to let go.

“W-Why…?” you croak, biting your lips to stop any tears from breaking through. “There’s no reason to kiss me. Don’t you know that we’re done? There’s no one to watch us here, no reason for you to walk me to school anymore. You know that, Ryōta. After all, we haven’t talked since a week ago, and you have the audacity to come here and kiss me like everything is okay—”

“… I want to kiss you, because there’s no one around, because there’s no other reason for me to.”

“Why…?” your voice softens to a whisper. “Don’t you hate anyone who likes you in that way? I… I already told you that I see you in that light, like many of your fans do. Don’t you hate me? Don’t you hate me for using this arrangement to get closer to you? Don’t you hate me for expecting something real out of this?”

“I already had an inkling of suspicion that you liked me, (y/n)-cchi,” Kise turns away to look at the bright morning sky. “I just didn’t know if I was wrong or not.”

“Then… why did you ask me to do this whole thing with you…?”

“Because I’m a coward,” he says, looking back to you. You were stunned into silence. For the first time, he finally admits what’s been weighing on his mind for weeks out loud, and his eyes, while drenched in shame, were full of resoluteness. “I liked you, but I was too afraid for the day when you ended up being not like the person I ended up liking. I liked you, but I was afraid of a real relationship that would tie me down. I liked you, but I was afraid of making huge decisions that involved another person into my life. I didn’t want to end the fake relationship because I was too fucking selfish… if I ended it, I’d lose the only connection I had with you… I’m sorry.”

Both of you went silent, bathed in the light of the rising sun. Kise drops to a squat to hide his face from you, and you knew he was trying to stop himself from tearing up. He knows how uncool he looks, but he had no right to cry when you were the one who got hurt the most.

“Ryōta, did you really find it difficult to kiss me…? Just… be honest.”

“Yes,” he looks up from his squat to stare at you with an intense look, even despite his puffy eyes. “Everytime I kissed you, I found it hard to control myself. I thought, what if you were using me to somehow get a kiss from me? or what if I couldn’t stop myself from kissing you and I ended up taking things too far? Looking anywhere but you at least stopped me from getting too invested…”

By now, both of you had turned completely red at his honesty, but he still found you frankly stunning even with your red, puffy eyes. “Look, (y/n)-cchi, don’t you hate me? I used you. The rumors are right—I’m a complete asshole. Just… I won’t blame you if you walk away right now.”

“You do know that I used this opportunity to get closer to you, right?… I wasn’t a saint about this either, so… I’m sorry too.” Both of you go silent again, and you slowly drop yourself to his level in a squat of your own in front of him.

“… C-Can we… can we start over?” you whisper, your warm breath tickling his chilled nose.

“(y/n)-cchi, I don’t think I’m capable of continuing this arrangement…”

“No,” you huff, before you tentatively press a chaste kiss to his lips. “I mean… can we… start over, but this time, as a real couple? I… want this relationship to be substantial. I really do like you, Ryōta.” You murmur against his lips with your hands on top of your knees, waiting for him to rebuke you away with an easygoing comment or a plastered smile.

But he doesn’t do any of that.

“I… guess we can try that,” Kise mumbles, gaze averted as his cheeks flame brighter than his nose and ears.

“Can you kiss me again?” you ask, your voice cracking at the end out of fear he’d turn down your request. Kise flicks his gaze back to you to see you equally red with a hesitant expression.

“Could you… close your eyes?” he asks with a frown.

“H-Huh?”

“Y-You don’t need to see me looking like a mess, I don’t look charming right now.”

“I… guess…” After a few moments of hesitation, you flutter your eyes shut, waiting apprehensively for his lips to descend onto yours again. Kise holds your cheeks and takes the time to admire your features for the first time, and his smile grows wider with every passing second.

‘R-Ryōta…?” Afraid of the fact that he actually may not like kissing you after all, you worriedly open your eyes, only to be greeted by the most brilliant smile from Kise, his figure illuminated by the sunshine hitting the back of his head at the perfect angle.

“(y/n)-cchi,” he teases with a small pout. “Didn’t I tell you to close your eyes?”

Who needs a rose-tinted lens when the sight before you is already so radiant to behold?

[aellynera]

Beat the System (Poe Dameron x f!Reader; high school AU)

BEAT THE SYSTEM

My darling @autumnleaves1991-blog is doing a Writer Wednesday thing (click that link for details) and today’s challenge was:

...so I wrote this little thing. may or may not be based on things that might have somewhat happened during my years as a summer amusement park lackey.

Word Count: ~2100

Summary: You see a lot of people at your summer job, and you didn’t really want to see him or for him to see you, but that’s not how the system works.

Warnings: Female reader. High School AU. References to clowns. Complaining. Nothing else really, just a lot of fluff. As usual, mostly kind of proofread.

You kind of hated your summer job. 

It wasn’t so much that you hated having to get a job in the first place, after your parents insisted that’s what you’d need to do if you wanted your own car. And the job itself was actually pretty easy, at least in theory.

The ring toss stand at the local amusement park was your domain. Your days were spent surrounded by giant stuffed elephants and aliens and teddy bears, taking money, handing out rings, watching people throw them at bottles. Ninety-nine percent of the time this also meant watching them lose. The losses generally led to another futile round of buying and tossing. And, invariably, cussing; never mind that this was a family establishment and there was a five-year-old standing three feet away from the offender.

No, it was the job on repeat for eight hours a day, five days out of the week. It was seeing all your friends come by and have fun while you literally had to watch them (but hey, at least you got paid.) It was having to work every single weekend. And it was all the people. People you’d known your whole life, people who lived in neighboring towns, busses full of people from who knows where that flocked to this place every single year.

And it was just weird to think of this place as a destination. It was just the amusement park that was there all your life, that your parents went to when they were in high school, and maybe their parents did too. This place was freaking old. But why people felt the need to come by the busload from hours away--

“Hey, I didn’t know you worked here.”

The voice broke through your ranting brain and you looked up to see a familiar face grinning back at you from the other side of the booth.

Poe Dameron was a senior. He was captain of both the football and the soccer team, treasurer of the student council, sang on the chorus, played bass in the jazz band, was in the drama club, and you were pretty sure there were at least a dozen other things he just did because he was good at everything. 

He was also ridiculously hot and the last person you wanted to see you in your ridiculous, brightly colored work uniform. He stood before you looking like he just crawled off the cover of a romance novel, all tan skin and dark curls and defined muscles, and there you were with a high ponytail and baggy shorts and a shirt that would put a clown to shame.

Honestly, all you needed were the giant floppy shoes.

He was also there with a group of his rowdy, juvenile football friends, which only promised to make this hell even more scorching. At least for now, they seemed to be occupied with ogling the girl who ran the tilt-a-whirl across the path and completely ignoring you.

You scrunched your face at him. “Poe, I’ve seen you here like twenty times this summer. You’ve even played this game before. You know I work here.”

“Okay, you got me,” his grin didn’t falter. You weren’t sure, but it might have even gotten a little bigger. He handed over ten dollars. “A bucket of rings, please.”

Great, he was going to hang around. You glanced at your watch, and it solemnly informed you that your break wasn’t for another hour and half. So you were stuck there. In a virtual clown suit. With the hot senior you might have had a little crush on.

Not like you ever doodled his initials in your notebooks or on scraps of paper when the crowds at the stand died down. You denied all knowledge of these supposed incidents.

You could act like a normal person in his presence.

You sighed and took the money from him, handing him a bucket full of red plastic rings in return. “You know this game is rigged, right? They all are.”

“So I’ve heard.” He picked up his first ring. “But I am determined to beat the system.”

You rolled your eyes. “Do you have to be good at everything?”

Poe shot you a quick side-eye before turning his attention back to the sea of bottles in front of him. He tossed the first ring and it flipped end over end before bouncing off a bottle top with a spectacular ding! His brow furrowed as he reached for another ring.

“Apparently not,” he muttered. “But I’ll still beat it. You see, there’s this girl I want to impress, and…” He tossed the second ring and watched it ricochet off another bottle top.

“Of course there is,” you snorted. “There’s probably a whole horde of them.”

He chuckled. “Nope, just one.”

You waved your arm in a grand gesture toward the playing field. “Well then, have at it, Romeo. You know the rules. No leaning over the rail, and you have to land five rings to win. Let me know when you need another bucket.”

“Oh ye of little faith,” he replied as he tossed yet another ring. You tried, you really really tried, to ignore the way the tip of his tongue stuck out between his teeth as he concentrated.

And so it went until the entire bucket full of rings littered the floor of the stall, with nary a single one landing on its intended target. You grabbed the sweeper and started pushing them back into the bins underneath the counter.

Poe growled in frustration. “Seriously?!” He waved another ten in your direction and you handed him another bucket, giggling as you made the exchange.

“I told you, it’s rigged. But…” you crooked a finger to motion him closer. And then tried to remember how breathing worked as he leaned in, now just inches from your face.

“Yeah?” he whispered.

The attempt to subtly clear your throat was only half successful.

“Well, I didn’t tell you this,” you pointed toward the bottles, “but the table is slightly higher on that side, and so is that one part in the middle. If you aim for those bottles, you can probably bounce the rings onto the lower ones.”

The grin he flashed almost blinded you. “Beat the system.”

“Beat the system,” you agreed.

You leaned back and watched. After the first six rings or so, Poe seemed to figure out which bottles to aim for and how to toss the ring (with a bit of spin, of course) and before you knew it, his fifth ring landed on the center bottle and he was shouting “yes!” with a little fist pump.

“I am impressed, Dameron,” you said, clapping. “I bet this girl will be too.”

“I hope so,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Did he suddenly look kind of shy? No, that wasn’t Poe Dameron. He was the polar opposite of shy.

“Which one?” you asked, pointing to the prizes hanging above you.

“Which one would you pick? If you just beat the system and you were trying to impress someone?”

“Uhhh…” Why in the world was he asking you? It didn’t matter, this was his deal, you just worked there. And quite honestly, you probably wouldn’t pick any of these monstrosities. They were huge. And kind of weird looking. And neon colored.

After a few moments of confused contemplation, your eyes finally landed on a giant purple teddy bear, half hidden behind a chartreuse alien and an orange thing that was trying to impersonate an octopus. You pulled it down and handed it over.

“Here you go, the least weird thing you just spent twenty bucks on when you could have just gone to the mall and bought something more reasonable.”

“Nah, this is perfect,” Poe replied, grabbing the bear. It was nearly half as big as he was. You often wondered how anyone dragged them around the park for the rest of the day, much less managed to get them home. “Thanks for the advice.”

You couldn’t help the smirk that rose on your lips. “It was either that, or have to explain to my supervisor why you would have ended up hanging around until the park closed.”

He laughed loudly. “Rey would have understood. She’s cool like that.”

“Geez, you’re good at everything, do you know everyone in the entire galaxy too?”

Poe didn’t seem to hear you, though, as he looked over his shoulder and around the area, and you followed his gaze. His friends were nowhere to be seen and vaguely, you wondered when they’d wandered off and why they hadn’t very loudly announced it to him. He glanced back at you with a sheepish smile.

“I, uh, I should go find the guys,” he said. “And let you get back to work.”

“Yeah, okay,” you replied. All of the easy-going rapport from the past however long Poe had been there suddenly evaporated and every ounce of awkwardness you normally felt around him returned. “I’ll see you.”

You might have been looking anywhere but at him, but you didn’t miss the small wave he gave you as he walked away, and you definitely felt the heat that rose in your cheeks.

Poe was quickly forgotten as a swarm of ten-year-olds rushed the stand and the incessant clanging of misthrown rings once again took over all your waking moments. You didn’t think about him for the rest of your shift. All you could think about was how tired you were, how hot the day had been, how much you wanted to shower and sleep and pretend you didn’t have to do this again tomorrow and--

Your feet ground to halt in the employee parking lot and approached your beloved car, the entire reason you had this forsaken job in the first place. Your car, which, you would have serious questions had you not known exactly where the thing came from, had a giant purple teddy bear sitting on the hood.

As you got closer, you could see something sticking out from beneath the bow tied around its neck. It was a slip of paper, with a phone number scrawled on it. And a little “P.” with a heart.

What was even happening right now.

Before you knew it, your phone was out of your purse and you were calling his number. Sure, you might have had to dial it four times because your nervous fingers kept pressing the wrong digits, but who was counting? And never mind that it was almost midnight. It was summer, he’d still be awake, right? 

Finally you got it right, and the call picked up on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” you breathed.

“Hey,” you could picture the trademark Dameron grin behind it. And he sounded...relieved? “I’m really glad you called.”

“How did you get into the employee parking lot?”

“I didn’t. I asked Rey for a favor. I figured she might know which car was yours. Told you she’s cool like that.”

You laughed softly. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess she really is.”

“So I do have a really important question for you. Well, two actually.”

“I’m listening,” you said. It was hard to hear anything over how hard your heart was thumping in your ears, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Question one. Can I take you out on a date?”

“Yeah,” you said again and closed your eyes, partly out of a need to center yourself and mostly out of sheer embarrassment. Maybe one day, you would remember how to speak to Poe Dameron in multiple word sentences, but right at this moment was not that time. Oh well.

“Awesome,” he breathed out. “I was hoping you’d say yes.”

“Yes.” Thankfully he didn’t seem to be deterred by your current lack of language skills.

Poe laughed warmly. “Now, second question. Did it work?”

This time you couldn’t even come up with a verbal response. You just erupted in a bout of giggles, Poe Dameron laughing along with you. And somehow, you got that ridiculous monstrosity of a teddy bear into your back seat.

The somehows kept coming. Somehow you remembered how to use words. Somehow it was well after midnight now without either of you giving it permission to get that late. Somehow your phone refused to end the call. Somehow the hours were slipping by until you had to be at the park for an early opening shift in the morning, and somehow you suddenly didn’t care at all about getting any sleep.

Maybe this job wasn’t so bad, after all.

~end~

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[darlingpetao3]

Thank You For Ruining My Life: An Homage to Tom Cavanagh

“You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.”

The costume-clad woman had the courage of steel to say this to the then 53-year-old actor, Tom Cavanagh of The Flash, in front of a ballroom filled with a couple hundred people. This brave utterance was spoken during the 2016 Fan Expo Vancouver convention during a Flash question and answer period with actors Tom Cavanagh and Candice Patton. In its third season, the show was undoubtedly still hitting its stride in popularity, and the room was packed to hear these two speak.

The brave woman whose turn it was at the microphone was referring to Tom’s role as Ed Stevens on the NBC 2000 hit, Ed. I had not known of this show previously, but having now heard such a proclamation intrigued me. “You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.” That was a tempting notion, and as I continued to listen to this disarmingly charming and wittingly funny man steal the stage, Tom intrigued me even more. I’d watched him play three different versions of Harrison Wells on The Flash since the show’s premiere date, yet I hadn’t truly noticed him in a “life-ruining” way before.

Little did I know that Tom Cavanagh would not only eventually ruin my expectations for men as well, but he would change my life in other ways, too.

After the Q&A, I had this urge to buy a S.T.A.R. Labs T-shirt from one of the vendors at the convention. In my head, I thought I would purchase something so that I could have an excuse to talk to Mr. Cavanagh at his signing booth. Again, he intrigued me, and I wanted to experience more of his incredibly likeable personality. So, I dragged my friend with me to wait for what was maybe ten minutes in a queue. Shortly, I was paying the assistant for my autograph I would soon acquire. They wrote my name on a sticky note so that Tom would know how to sign a personalized message to me. And then, it was my turn.

His eyes sparkled when he turned his attention to me. I instantly had a feeling this was just the way he was naturally. Oh yeah, and I swear to God I’d never seen eyes that blue in my entire life. It genuinely stunned me.

“Hi!” he greeted me.

“Hi!” I responded, equally as thrilled. Tom admired the T-shirt I had brought and took note of my name on the piece of paper. I remember us joking together about the extremely lax security in and around S.T.A.R. Labs on the show, which prompted his message to me on the heather-grey cotton. He wrote my name, [followed by a heart!] and a very welcoming, ‘Come on by, just walk right in!’

I had official clearance from Harrison Wells himself.

I thanked him very much, leaving with my treasure folded over my arms. My friend and I walked towards the hall’s exit, and I couldn’t shake this feeling inside me. It felt strange—I couldn’t name it for the life of me. It felt like an odd fluttering with a simultaneous yet contradictory slightness of breath. My head was confused and would continue to be so for the rest of that weekend.

As I waited at my gate in the airport on that Sunday evening to head home, all I knew was that the moments at the con featuring Tom were the highlights of the weekend for me.

And that I was going to begin watching more of the other films and television shows he’d been in. What was the show the brave cosplaying woman had said ruined her expectations of men? Oh yeah, Ed.

Maybe I’ll start there…

***

Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad…

In my house, it’s never really Christmastime until Michael Bublé croons through the speakers of the wooden stereo system in the living room. It felt especially festive as it was now Christmas Eve—a month and some change since the con. It was late, possibly ten o’clock. I was lying on the floor in front of the Christmas tree with my trusty laptop, a word document open. I was writing three holiday-song short stories featuring the new muse in my life, Harrison Wells. I wanted to be able to post them the next day, so my fingers were taptaptapping away.

I had written a handful of things before 2017, most of which had been Marvel-related, under my second, ‘rebirth’ pen name online. I was a little fish among all the grand and fabulous writers on Archive of Our Own, and in many ways, I still feel like that little fish. I was only just learning and feeling out the psyche of the Wells characters. Each one is so different. In my rewatch of the previous seasons of The Flash, I’d taken diligent notes, and as I’d later learn with each following rewatch, I would know them all—what they think, how they talk and behave—like the back of my hand. It was fun to suss out these guys, and I found that I was growing to love the act of writing even more.

One month later, in January, I would post all the stories I’d written thus far on Tumblr. I’d just created an account and, who knows? Maybe I’d get a wider range of readers on here, too.

Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

Wild horses couldn’t keep me from attending Fan Expo Vancouver 2017, especially when the big news dropped. Not only would Tom Cavanagh be attending again, but so would Carlos Valdes, Danielle Panabaker, Candice Patton, and the convention-elusive star of the show himself, Grant Gustin.

Before the moderator for the Flash cast’s Q&A panel could utter the final thanks to the actors at the end of the session, I bounded from my seat and sped down to the photo op booth where the cast would be taking “Team Up” photos with fans. ‘Sped down’ has to be the most appropriate couple of words because I indeed felt like a true Speedster dressed head to toe as the small screen’s adaptation of Jesse Quick, the angsty and brilliant daughter to Harrison Wells turned superhero.

After waiting in a queue that felt like ages, I was next to stand with Team Flash. As I took a step forward, all of the actors’ and actresses’ eyes—the people I spend time with every Tuesday evening—were on me. I heard a familiar voice approve of my costume. It was Danielle.

“Tremendous.”

Grant even joked that he thought for a second Violett Beane, the actress who plays Jesse Quick, had shown up to surprise them. “I was like, what’s Violett doing here?” he said.

I stood in the back row, happily sandwiched between Tom and Carlos. I dared to let my hands rest on their backs, and I couldn’t contain my joy. Shortly after, when I received my near-instant physical photograph of the moment, I saw Tom had pointed at me. In my mind, it felt as if in his gesture, he meant, hey, look at this cool person. Haha. I couldn’t be further from it.

I would go on to further be uncool in public as I later found myself virtually shaking and almost hyperventilating in line for a one-on-one photo op with Tom. The guy dressed as Kid Flash behind me gave me a few encouragements of the “it’ll be okay” variety. As my turn finally arrived, the lovely man of the hour greeted me with a bright smile in recognition of my Reverse Flash T-shirt (I had done a quick change before this photo op because I had worn a Flash T-shirt for a photo with Grant).

“Great shirt!”

The internet comes up with many hilarious and fitting words, but none such so than the term “Cavanarms.” One of the said Cavanarms found its way around my shoulder in such a casual way. My hand rested on his back, and I have told anyone who will listen about how soft his sweater was. What was approximately a five-second interaction will stay with me forever. And to this day, I will always regret how I’m standing beside him in the picture—there’s a distinguishable gap between us. I could have been closer—should have been!—but I like to use the fact that I felt as if I’d combust into flames if I were any closer to the man.

Maybe I’d have another chance to combust later again that day because, believe it or not, this fan hadn’t had enough of seeing Mr. Cavanagh in person. And since he was appearing at the con for this day only, there was no way I was going to squander any opportunities. Besides, there was still one final thing left on my convention docket: the autograph. In my mind, going to get his autograph was an excuse to get to talk to him and simply be in his presence for longer than five seconds. Here, take my money. I’m a sucker, and I’m proud of it. I saved all year for this kind of thing, and Fan Expo has always been my ultimate nerdy Treat Yoself Day.

Plus, this year I came equipped with a question for Tom (something for which I may have prepared a little too far in advance).

“Which of your characters would win in a lawyering battle: Ed or Miles?”

Miles was Tom’s latest character from his newly released project Darrow & Darrow, a fellow lawyer as Ed Stevens (remember, the man who ruins women’s expectations of men?), whom he portrayed almost two decades prior. What I loved about Tom when I got to ask him this was that he was silent for a moment following the question. He was genuinely putting thought into my question. As he pondered, Tom continued to autograph the photo of us together taken mere hours ago.

“Ed. He would wipe the floor with that other guy. Like, Miles is great, but Ed has a rapier-sharp mind, you know?”

I wholeheartedly agreed with his answer and felt relieved inside for some reason. We thanked each other (as politely as two Canadians can) before I left him to pay attention to the next lucky soul in line. I made the mistake of casting my eyes downward at the signed photo.

Tom had signed two little hearts over the I’s in my name. He really needed to stop adding hearts to my things, or I was just going to melt to the floor. In fact, I started to make these strange noises as I tried not to completely maul everyone in front of me while exiting. My friend ushered me as fast as physically possible on our way out of the main hall. One man took one look at me and asked, “Are you okay?”

No.

“Yep!”

The second I made it out of the herd, I broke out into open space. First came the minor hyperventilating. Then came the squealing followed by laughter. Top it off with various fangirlish comments of, “He’s so beautiful!”, “His eyes are so blue!” and “I love him!” and I was probably quite the sight to see (but at a convention, that’s considered normal!). My friend smiled on as she let me express everything that I had to keep inside until I had the right time to expel my emotions. I was on cloud nine. Ten, if at all possible.

The next day would be the con’s final day, which I would attend alone. My friend needed to catch the ferry in order to prepare for her courses the day after. I did a scan of the convention hall one final time in case there was something I missed purchasing. Afterwards, I sat on the cold hard flooring of the convention centre hallway for a bit of a break. I was wiped out. With my phone in hand, I smiled at the messages from this one Tumblr blogger who had been following my posted adventures at the con. I had seen and replied to many of her comments on my stories I’d written thus far, and I enjoyed her matching enthusiasm for Tom and The Flash in general. I felt her to be a kindred spirit. I had no idea then that I was chatting with one of my future best friends, L.

***

I spotted her.

She was wearing an identical shirt to the one I had on—a light grey T-shirt with a sequinned Spider-Man mask in the corner, which around it read, We met on the Web. A giddy me couldn’t wait for the short escalator ride to end. Her back was to me and facing the baggage claim, so here was my chance to surprise her instead.

I towered over my friend, E, and donned a low, authoritative voice.

“Excuse me, Miss, can you come with me?”

She squealed a greeting to me and I returned it as we hugged for the very first time after two and a half years of online friendship. We would still have about two hours to kill until our mutual Tumblr best friend, L, touched down at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport from across the Pond.

Something I noticed was that E and I carried on talking during our wait like it was second nature, that we hung out like this all the time. Whereas when I met L in person for the first time the year previously, our first meeting was that of quiet, delighted shock, unknowing how to react to one another’s physical presence. It almost felt like a fantasy. The closest thing we’d ever gotten to this was visiting over video chats! I’m not sure what each of these different reactions in these separate meetings meant, but what I do know is that I’ve never had such strong female friendships such as these—so full of uplifting support and love for one another. They are the greatest ladies I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

And as a searching L eventually turned the corner to meet us in the Arrivals terminal, I caught sight of her Tom & Grant bandana tied around the handle to her carry-on bag. It was an item she had received in return for helping fund the short film produced in 2018 (I’d bought the ringtone). Seeing the accessory jolted me to remember that the former of the titular short was the reason for this long-awaited get-together holiday in the Windy City in the first place. Tom Cavanagh, unbeknownst to him, had just officially united three online friends, each from a different country, to spend six full days of in-person bonding and a whole lot of fun.

***

I should have been shelving books.

I should have been doing a lot of library-related tasks, but my head was elsewhere. Anywhere other than the small-town public library where I work. Instead, I sat on the carpeted floor of the Junior/Young Adult section with my phone in hand and a dreadful article title staring back at me.

“The Flash: Carlos Valdes and Tom Cavanagh to Exit after 7 Seasons.”

My world felt like it was falling apart.

Tom was leaving? There had been rumours and wonderings spreading around the fandom regarding whether he was leaving the show. With a storyline ending with a monumental sacrifice and a time-travelling man saying his farewells, it all seemed to point to the fact. I should have known… I could have rivalled Supergirl as being the Paragon of Hope after all the optimism I doled out to my followers and friends who would come to me worried Tom would exit the show. I would always give reasons to deny such a thing could happen, claiming that I’d believe when I saw it.

Well, there it was, and I definitely saw it.

One could feel the ripple effect over the internet of the shards of broken and riled-up hearts around the world.

Tom’s exit was on his terms, having not felt challenged by his character’s plotlines, as mentioned in a recent Entertainment Weekly article. As a viewer—and I am a viewer (Mike and Tom Eat Snacks, anyone?), it has been increasingly difficult to look past the missed shots made by story editors and showrunner, so understandably, the actor would want to seek something more exciting and meatier. That said, Tom has always shone on-screen and taken what he’s been given in stride. He turns unearthed material into diamonds and indeed shines on screen. Steals it, even! Tom easily makes the episodes he’s in better, and when he’s missing, you feel the loss. The few episodes of Season 7 without him only give us a tiny hint at how the show will be without him going forward. It much resembles when you might bring out your favourite jigsaw puzzle, only to find that the one piece you need to complete it isn’t there.

***

On a personal note, as I write this, I am roughly 20 followers away from reaching a milestone of 2,000. I have written well over 200 stories for The Flash alone (whether they be short or long, one-shots or chaptered), and goodness knows how many words I’ve generated altogether over the course of these many years with inspiration from the show and my favourite character. I’ve written and co-written novel-length stories, one monumental Wellsian story of which was done alongside L and E (almost solely done through alternating text messaging in the app, Line) that reached over 108,000 words and consisted of 42 chapters. And when I’m not writing for my blog, I’m also working on trying to accomplish my dream of becoming a published author. Just as I thought before I launched my Tumblr blog, I think again now: Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

I have watched virtually everything Tom has been in that I could get my hands on, both physically and electronically. Sure, a few titles are out of my reach and probably lost to the very early 90's forever, but from what I've seen through Tom's filmography is enough to know that he can do anything. He can play the romantic leading man that will make you fall head over heels for him or a deranged killer that will have you genuinely scared of him. That is talent. Tom always brings something new to the table from each role to the next, and (when he's not playing those psycho killers) you can't help but admire his craft.

Not only is his acting stellar, but from what we as fans have gathered on the man, Tom has got to be one of the kindest men in the business. His humour and sheer ridiculousness could get anyone through a tough time (we’ve seen plenty of bloopers and behind-the-scenes videos to prove this!). He has clearly bottled and stored an endless supply of Fountain of Youth™ and each year continues to wow us with his handsomeness. Tom is charming, dedicated, and yes, arguably holds the world record for Bluest Eyes.

In my eyes, Tom Cavanagh gave me the two best friends I could have ever asked for, as well as plenty more lovely friends I’ve continued to make online. (One day, I hope to meet him again so that I can tell him in person how because of him, I’ve met such very important people in my life). Through Tom, I have truly found my passion for writing, and in doing so, segued me to dare to dream of becoming a published novelist. I wholeheartedly believe all of this would not have happened if it weren’t for those first series of events that led me to meet Tom and love and admire him immensely. He is indisputable proof that there are indeed men like him out there. Indeed, he did ruin all of my future expectations of men. He ruined my life in the absolute best way and I am eternally grateful.

I am very much looking forward to what Tom will do next. I think it’s rather needless to say that I will follow him in his career, as he has gained a devoted fan for life. He represents so much to me and so much of it I have gained since meeting him that fateful day, when I thought to myself, Maybe I should buy this T-shirt and get this guy to sign it. Wherever Tom goes in life, I’ll be here to cheer him on.

I have a pretty good feeling plenty of others will, too.

[readerinsertfanfiction]

Neeeeeeemo darling❤❤❤! Eeeeeeeep😆😆😆 okay i know i should probs be sleeping buuuut😅😅😅 hehehe yeah😅last spam for the night, else ima kick myself tomorrow for staying up past bedtime 😅😅😅 anyways! 😂😂😂

Could i pretty please with all the candy ontop request a comfort fic with my dearest Theo (hehehe cause no spam would be complete witbout my dearest theodorkus) ❤❤❤❤so basically i loved ya nobu comfort fic so much and like.... my heart melts just as much with fics where the suitors gets comforted and built up🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😳😳😳😳plus i feel like Theo needs one big hug for all the shit he goes through and has gone thru! Plus his work o holiness ❤❤☺😳

😳hehehe love ya to infinity! Hehehe okay i am finally off to bed😅for reals this time😅😅can ya tell i was thinking about that nobu comfort fic you did😅😅😅and then was like u know who else needs cuddles 😂😂//insert that meme of remembering unfinished homework 😂😂❤😳pfffffft whooooops left ya another essay 😅😅😅😳😳😳😳 night darling Nemo❤❤❤❤may u go to bed early and have sweet dreams🍁❤🥺

Zetaaaaa-daaaaarling!!! Y u no sleep? No kicking yourself, only sleeping more and less gym time and more me-time! 😂😂😂

I’m surprised that the comfort the suitor fics are getting popular now, because it isn’t like it is the first time I write them, just the first time I wrote for Nobu, I guess. 😂😂😂

I lub your rambles, Zeta-dearest. They’re so cute and really brightens the mood and makes your requests not so standard as well (and gives me a reason to talk more as well because apparently Tumblr still thinks I’m an oyster 😅😅😅). 

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Character: Theodor(k)us van Gogh

Prompt: Some comfort for the dork

When Theo woke up that day he knew that there was something off. The cool of the morning chilled him, his blankets were not enough, and there was an empty space next to him. A space usually occupied by you, but Theo knew that you had to leave early today. Yet, the space was glaring at him, the spot already cool from the heat that had evaporated.

Even the colours of the world seemed a little dimmer, duller. The garden wasn’t as captivating, his brother’s paintings didn’t fill him with the joy and spark he usually felt. And then there was the light throbbing of his scar. It felt sore and tender as the man groaned into his pillow, wondering what the day had planned for him.

"Sorry, they're a little burned," Sebastian had apologised at the breakfast table, horrifying him further. Was this how his entire day was to go? The bottle of maple syrup that Theo was so known to love was also half empty, though in the back of his mind an annoying voice told him to cheer up, followed by your chipper encouraging one;

'Kop op! You can still pour it!'

Theodorus wondered when you would return. He knew that you lived your own life just like he had his own. He even admired you for it, encouraging you to pursue your own path despite the strange times. But without you by his side Theo’s day felt off, strange, and it was the space next to him that he was missing. It felt as if eons had passed since he had felt your warmth, but he knew that he was being dramatic if he were to express it.

'Of all days to be busy…' he thought. A gentle press onto his shoulder followed and the sunny smile of his brother came into view.

"Goedemorgen Theo," Vincent chirped, but even his beloved brother's winning smile didn't help defrost the chill within. As if the chill he had frozen over instead, holding him hostage in this state of demurity and slight helplessness.

"Are you alright?" Vincent had questioned, those clear blue eyes nothing but sincerity and worry. It made Theo feel even worse who could only grimace back at his older brother and reassure the man that he was, perhaps just a little tired.

“The old chap is missing his darling,” Arthur had beamed up instead, hoping to draw out a reaction from Theo. The silence he was met with and the solemn confirmation within those dark blue eyes of the Dutchman floored even the infamous author, however. This had been a look that Theo hadn’t worn in a long while, at least not since you entered into his life.

Theo wasn’t the type to wear his emotions openly. Guarded as he was he kept them all securely locked away, sometimes even from himself as he didn’t want to be reminded of his own darkness and traumas. It had taken him so long to finally open up to you, and even then he had moments in which he relapsed.

Even the pompous asses of the Académie seemed to have taken note of his solemnity, for once keeping out of his way as they stared after him, striding in and out of the place as chitchats were kept to a bare minimum. A reaction that was for the best, for Theo didn’t feel like barking for once. Not at them, or at anyone.

“A note?”

The folded piece of paper stretched out to him came from a young boy that the two of you had helped. A budding talent, Theo had only needed to see the sand drawings the boy had made with his stick and an apprenticeship later the boy had turned into a little friend.

“I was told to give this one if you’re sad,” the boy explained, earning a quirk from Theo’s brows as he held out his hand, picking the note with his other.

“And if I was not?” he inquired, but the boy didn’t need that many words to understand what the art-dealer wanted;

“Then there was none, other than to tell you to ditch your hat.”

The child was much too witty as well, but the man let it slide as he chuckled, a grin spreading over his face for the first time of the day. With a tip of his hat the male turned away, leaving the last ignored as he unfolded the note;

‘Lonely? Ditch the hat. :) <3’

This earned another chuckle from the man, your familiar hand and the strange symbols that were supposed to mean something lifted something within him. When he looked up from the note the sky seemed a little bluer and the sun a bit brighter.

Adjusting his hat Theo pulled the piece off, looking down at the gray cap that matched his suit so well. “If that would summon you,” he contemplated. He often ignored your jabs at his hat, finding nothing wrong with the piece. But if he had to choose between the two of you his choice would have been easily made. It didn’t matter how attached he pretended to be, there were other hats, but there was only one you.

“Did you ditch it?” your voice popped up, your figure peeking up at him from behind as your face fell at the sight of the hat in his hands, “at least it isn’t on your head,” you pouted, rather disappointed, though grimaced at him all the same as Theo stared at you rather dumbfounded.

“Surprise?” you tell the man with a chuckle as you move your hands in the air, “I just finished, let’s go home together?”

Theo didn’t need to be asked a second time. Nor did he manage to answer in a smart quip or with his usual classics. The hat dropped out of his hand and arms wrapped around you, pulling you in and close as he felt himself defrost against your warmth. An exhale of relief followed after as now the man felt whole once more. A huff from your side filled with mirth ringing in his ears and committed to memory.

“Oh, who is the pup now,” you jovially exclaim, but you pat his back all the same. Comforting the man that would never admit the gloom and doom of the hours spent without you.

[kienava]

~~i stayed up til 4 am and wrote beauyasha and i regret nothing~~

When the Nein return to the tower, Beau finally has a chance to read Yasha's poem.

Awkward conversation ensues in a room full of flowers.

_______

how do i wake my spirit cold? [AO3 link]

It had taken Beau a solid three reads to convince herself that this poem was actually real, not just something that her cold-snapped brain had imagined for a fleeting sense of warmth. She’d gone from staring at the words blankly to reading slowly, scrutinizing the angles of each letter, and on her seventh read she’d discovered that it was impossible to tear her eyes off the piece of parchment in her hands. This was now the eighteenth time in a row she’d scanned over these four lines, though she’d long since memorized their contents. At this point, she was less reading a poem and more gazing at a painting. Its beautiful simplicity hit all at once, like a thin blade between the ribs.

Many months ago, Beau might have guessed that Yasha’s handwriting would resemble her intimidating appearance, or maybe even her fighting style: sharp and strong, rough strokes and firm lines. Now, the slight, slanted script on the page came as no surprise, not when Beau had all but reached out and touched the soft edges hidden under layers of rage and anguish - and shawls. Yasha was big on shawls.

Eventually, Beau knew, she would have to put this piece of paper down and stop reading, but her hands and eyes had yet to consider that idea for themselves.

Her breath stayed steady despite her sparking nerves, years of practice kicking in to steady her. After she folded that piece of parchment up, what could she possibly do? Sleep? Not a gods-damned chance. The tower was safe and still, much unlike the thumping in her chest. As skilled as she’d become at controlling her lungs and diaphragm, the ability to keep her heart calm eluded her.

She knew it was a symptom of something that she’d avoided addressing for as long as possible, a creature that would longer allow itself to be pushed off and locked up. Beau had done her best to drown it alive when she’d learned why Yasha pressed her own heart between the pages of a book to desiccate along with torn petals and broken thorns. Loving dead flowers left little room to tend a new garden.

For all Beau’s attempts to do otherwise, she kept coming back to this, perennially doomed to weather the most apocalyptic storms.

In an effort to inspire some new consideration besides poetry, Beau let the paper flutter onto her desk and took to the fighting post. She’d been curious to see how adaptable the tower’s contents really were, and she’d asked Caleb for a variety of weighted staves to train with in this rendition. She grabbed the heaviest one from its mount on the wall. Maybe if she exhausted herself by whaling on the fighting post, she’d be able to fall asleep sometime in the next several hours.

As soon as she started swinging, it was clear that her plan would be fruitless. Her muscles could go on autopilot and run through routines she knew deep in her bones, and she’d built up too much stamina fighting gnolls and ghosts and undead sea monsters to tire herself to the point of genuine exhaustion.

Despite all of her mediation training, she couldn’t shut her brain off. She’d been in research mode for weeks now, mind racing constantly to piece together theories that somehow sounded less and less wild the more their group trekked on. Even while sparring with this helpless post, she exerted more effort willing herself not to sit back down at her desk and scour between the grains of the paper Yasha had given her for clarity and truth.

She made a last-ditch effort at meditating, sitting in the middle of the room with her legs crossed, counting her inhales and exhales. It was the first technique Dairon had taught her, the simplest form of breathwork. The goal was not to control or influence the breath, but to build awareness of one’s natural pace without judgment. At the time, Beau laughed at the possibility that she could go a second without judging (herself or others). But she'd changed so much since then.

She felt herself smile, recalling a conversation from what felt like ages ago.

Thank you for not judging me, Beau.

Have you seen me? Who am I to fucking judge?

I’ve seen you. I’ve seen you a lot.

Was that it? Was that the moment that the harmless flirting had developed its own sense of gravity? That Beau had suddenly found herself tongue-tied during their most superficial conversations, yet secretly hoping for even the briefest moment alone together?

Without intention, her breath had started to line up with the endearingly crooked meter of the poem repeating infinitely in her mind. She inhaled through one line, then emptied her lungs by the end of the next.

Each time she ran through that short stanza again, more questions frayed out like a string splitting endlessly. None of the answers she sought could be found in the library. She’d only need to go one floor down, not two.

All distractions exhausted, Beau considered knocking on someone else’s door instead of seeking the one stamped with lilacs, but she couldn’t come up with a good reason to do so. Veth and Caleb would be together, huddled in front of a cozy fire and having one of those intense conversations meant only for them. Caduceus usually went to sleep early anyway, and he’d eaten a whopping dinner. No way he’d still be up. Fjord had taken up his own meditation practice, and far be it from Beau to interrupt that. Jester - well, that was just a bad idea. If Beau mentioned the poem (and there was very little chance she’d be able to talk about anything else), Jester might just drag her down to Yasha’s room and throw her through right the door.

If Yasha could be brave, so could Beau. In fights, that was the very thing that pushed her to go as hard as she did. She knew that Yasha would be there to pull her out of a giant lobster claw if her risks didn’t pay off. They had each other's backs, always.

Would that still be the case when neither of them held a weapon in their hands?

Only one way to find out.

Beau opened and closed her own door as quietly as possible. Jester had some kind of sixth sense when it came to Beau’s interactions with Yasha, and Beau really didn’t want to explain anything when she wasn’t even entirely sure what was going on herself. She whispered the command word to the lift and sank slowly to the next floor down. She was careful to keep her knock quiet, though it probably wouldn’t wake Caduceus. No promises that Jester wouldn’t somehow hear it, no matter how thick Caleb claimed the walls were.

There was a long beat before Beau heard footsteps. Her stomach flipped - had she woken Yasha up? Normally she relied on some burst of brash confidence to start a conversation, and it had already taken her nearly an hour to build up the courage to step into the hallway and onto the lift. This was too different from the casual check-ins and mid-battle flirting that had happened more often in recent weeks, and Beau forgot every normal greeting she knew when the lilac-emblazoned door swung open.

She only had one thought: “Yasha.”

“Goodnight, Beau,” Yasha said. Quickly, she added, “Not goodnight like ‘goodbye, you should leave.’ Goodnight as in good morning. Like a greeting, I mean.”

“Ha, yeah. Goodnight, I guess,” Beau replied with a little wave. This was going about as badly as possible. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“No, no, no. I was just - well, I cannot read Zemnian, but those books Caleb gave us have very nice covers.”

“Yeah, they’re cool,” Beau said. She had an opening here. Might as well take it. “Speaking of reading...”

Yasha raised her eyebrows.

Beau tried to swallow the dryness in her mouth. It didn’t work. “I checked out your poem.”

“Oh, you did?” Yasha asked.

“You sound surprised.”

“Maybe a little.”

Beau wasn’t sure where to go with that, and all she could come up with was a stilted laugh.

Yasha joined in with her own quiet chuckle. The way she bit her lip, lost in thought, made it clear that she was just as much at a loss for words.

This was a bad idea. Beau hadn’t been thinking straight, obviously, when she’d come down here with a million questions and no plan for how to ask them.

“Okay,” Beau said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder. “I guess I’m gonna--”

“Do you want to come in?”

Beau blinked. “What? I mean, sure. Yeah.”

Yasha stepped back from the door to open it wider, and Beau stepped inside the flower-laden room for the first time since Caleb’s magical mansion tour.

The door settled shut behind them, and they were left standing in the middle of the bright, colorful blossoms.

“So,” Yasha started. She didn’t go on.

“Nice plants,” Beau commented, nearly smacking herself across the face for it.

Fortunately, Yasha smiled at that. “Caleb really thought of everything for this place.”

Beau’s mind flashed to the mirror mounted above her bed, and for the first time in many years she had to remind herself to breathe. She was more than getting ahead of herself.

“Anyway,” Yasha said, drawing out the end of the word a little more than normal, “what brings you down to the fifth floor?”

“Ah, just got lost on my way to the kitchen, thought I’d swing by,” Beau tried.

Every time Yasha let out even a small laugh, Beau counted it as a win.

The most concrete question burning in Beau’s skull was rooted in something ugly and frightened. She asked it anyway. “So did Jester put you up to that?”

“It was her idea, yes,” Yasha admitted.

“Oh,” Beau said, not quite catching her voice from cracking.

“I shouldn’t have said that. She only helped because I asked.”

“So it was your idea?”

“Not quite. I don’t think. Not the poem thing, specifically. I told her I wanted to...do something, for you, and that is what she suggested.”

Beau fought against the urge to convince herself that those words could mean anything other than what she wanted to hear. She’d been jumping through flaming mental hoops for weeks, maybe months, trying to talk herself out of this. And then Yasha had the pleasant audacity to write her a poem.

“No one’s ever done that before. For me,” Beau reiterated. She held her hands up. “Hey, I’m no expert, but I thought it was dope.”

“No, you didn’t,” Yasha dismissed.

“No, I did.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

Yasha busied herself by stroking the petal of a nearby flower with her thumb, a small smile creeping in.

“Why’d you write it?” Beau asked. 

Yasha’s fingers stilled. Her gaze stayed fixed on the flower in her hand, and her slight smile grew.

“Do you have a favorite flower, Beau?”

There was the answer Beau wanted to give, and then there was the truth. In the dense quiet, the latter won out. “Not really. Kinda wish I did. Do you?”

“I think...” Yasha gently plucked the flower from its stem. “I think they are all my favorite.”

“Really?”

Yasha nodded, cradling the flower in her palm.

It was, quite possibly, the happiest Beau had ever seen her. She suddenly wished that she knew the name of this plant, of every plant in the room. If something could bring Yasha such tranquil joy, it was worth knowing. 

“The ones in this room are from all over. I’ve never even heard of some of them,” Yasha said.

“Caleb probably read about a thousand botany books just for this.”

“Probably,” Yasha laughed.

“Come on. You’ve gotta have a favorite,” Beau pushed, in the back of her mind hoping that she could use the information for future reference.

Yasha shook her head. “My book...I was keeping it for Zuala at first, but I think I am also keeping it for myself now. I want to remember the places that I’ve been and the things that happened there. Because those things have brought me here, and I am very happy about that, even if some of what happened was...not so happy. I would not be here, with all of you, without every single one of those flowers.” 

She held her hand out, presenting the plucked flower. Beau stared at the five long, carefree, white petals, tinged with a sunshiny yellow at the tips. Slowly, she reached out and was surprised to find the petals were rich and soft like velvet. She couldn’t recall ever seeing it before - maybe it was from Xhorhas.

“And,” Yasha met Beau’s eyes, “finding new favorite flowers to add to my book does not mean I forget the old ones.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Beau agreed.

“This one reminds me a lot of you, actually,” Yasha said, almost whispering to herself. 

Beau felt her heart skip. She’d never been given a poem before, and she’d certainly been compared to something so delicate and precious. She wracked her brain for something witty to say, but she’d never been very good at that around Yasha. “It does?” she choked out.

“It grows in the desert,” Yasha explained. “It's very stubborn and strong. We called it Sunsbane. Even with very little water, it survives the hottest days. The buds stay closed for many years, but the plant stays strong. The roots grow deeper than you’d ever guess just from looking at it above the surface. It can take a long time, but when the nights get cool enough, the flowers finally bloom.” She paused, sweeping her hair behind her ear. “You probably didn’t come here to hear so much about plants, though.”

Beau could very well have been in the desert herself at the moment - her mouth went dry again, and she felt like it was about a thousand degrees in that room.

Untrusting of her own ability to form words after that, she lifted the flower from Yasha’s hand, then reached up and tucked its short stem back where Yasha had fixed her hair.

“Hey,” Beau managed.

“Mhm?”

“You can tell me about plants anytime, alright?”

“Alright,” Yasha returned. “Okay.”

Beau retreated a step, realizing how close they’d been standing. “White’s kinda more your color, though. Plus, the yellow really...your eyes, it - works. Looks nice. Um, goodnight.”

There was a strange look on Yasha’s face, like she was thinking too hard.

“What?” Beau risked asking.

“Just that...I didn’t answer your question yet. About the poem.”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s cool, honestly--”

“Beau.” Yasha said her name so softly that Beau had no choice but to stop protesting.

Yasha took the flower from behind her ear and clutched it to her chest. “You should know that I like this flower very much.”

So much of Beau’s old self - the person who’d just tried to leave again - wanted to bolt for the door, but her new self locked down and stood her ground. Inhale, exhale. “I think it likes you, too,” she said weakly.

Yasha waved her hand, still holding onto the flower. “Jester said some things, and I - well, I don’t know. I didn’t think I should hear them from someone else in case they weren’t true or--”

“They are,” Beau jumped in. “I don’t know what she said, exactly, but I can guess.”

“How do you mean?”

“Like I tried not to for a while. And then that became more impossible than it already was. Just like Sunsbane, I guess. Deep roots, you know?”

“I’m sorry,” Yasha said suddenly. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting. Not that I - I wasn’t expecting anything. You’ve surprised me in a lot of ways, is all.”

Beau couldn’t handle the guilt on Yasha’s face. It wasn’t her fault, everything that had happened to her, to them. Beau would’ve waited a thousand days in the desert if it meant letting Yasha heal and find herself.

The gap between them had shrunk again, somehow, but it was more unbearable than ever. It felt like every time they got closer by half, always lessening the space but never quite meeting. But Beau was very good at breaking things, and, for once, she could break something for good. Her palm met Yasha’s cheek, fingertips curling around a small braid hanging loosely.

“You said those flowers are pretty damn patient, right?” Beau said.

Yasha nodded almost imperceptibly, like she was afraid Beau’s hand would pull back.

“Then I think you have nothing to apologize for.”

“Still.”

“Well,” with much less confidence than she’d hoped for, Beau asked, “you gonna kiss me or what?”

Yasha’s eyes closed for a moment, her expression neutral save for the slight crease between her brows and the subtle part of her lips. When her eyes opened again, her gaze was angled down slightly, plotting a trajectory that Beau had hardly dared to dream of.

“You’re sure?” Yasha said softly.

Beau’s answer was no more than a breath of a laugh.

Yasha went on. “I just want to make sure that you are sure. I’m very sure, at this point, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be--”

Beau cut her off as gently as possible.

For a moment, Beau’s mind went blissfully blank.

Then it hit her. She was kissing Yasha.

It started soft - not tentative, but quiet.

And then, miracle of miracles, Yasha was kissing her back, and she was much less patient. She was lightning and thunder striking at once, a storm raw and deafening in its power. Beau wondered when her knees would give out under the sheer weight of it - until solid arms circled around her waist and pulled her in.

Desperate to hold onto something, Beau’s fingers wound into Yasha’s hair. Her other hand was trapped just below Yasha’s collarbone, grasping tighter until blunt nails scraped past a cloth edge and found skin.

Maybe Beau did have a favorite flower, after all.

***

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

Longview - Chapter 5

LAST ONE LAST ONE LAST ONE. it is very short. BUT we get some Stealth Force and I love stealth force with my entire heart.

CW: Gaslighting (their memories were wiped and his weren't but still happens)

Nick sat up and rubbed his eyes. To his great relief that his minds (HIS MINDS HE HAS MORE THAN ONE LMAO) and lungs were working fine, and that he could move fine. It was late in the day, but Chase was still sleeping. Nick could tell because he was snoring, loudly. Nick smirked and saw that Michael was already up and had made his bed. Nick pulled himself out of bed and noticed that there was a set of clothes on the dresser. There was a note that had his name on it pinned to the shirt. The Longview Uniform consisted of a blue collared shirt, dark blue pants, and a yellow and blue stripped tie. (spoiler for something I never wrote but the ties were remoted controlled and could be turned on to strangle them into submission if needed.) Nick shrugged as he put on the tie. When he stopped to look in the mirror, the tie stuck out to him. The last time I wore a tie was to my parent’s funeral, and now I have to wear one every day. Great. He put that out of his mind and walked downstairs. Melody and Treauna were sitting on the sofa laughing.

"Where's Michael?" asked Nick. The two girls turned to him with a confused look on their faces.

"Who?" asked Treauna. Nick looked to her, but then laughed.

"Oh, okay. I get it. Play a prank on the new guy. I'll play along." Melody and Treauana looked at each other, then back at Nick.

"Nick?" questioned Melody, "How are you feeling?"

Nick shrugged.

"I'm fine. I had this weird dream last night but-"

"Oh, I get weird dreams too," interrupted Treauna. "Like this one time I was running down this field and this guy stopped me and asked me how to get to the post office from there, and I was like, 'how should I know?'" Melody elbowed her in the side before she could finish her story. (I still have weird dreams and yes that one of them.)

"What?" she demanded.

Nick looked around the room. This is pretty far to go for a prank, he thought. All of Michael's things were gone from the library. There also wasn't enough chairs for all of them.

"When did you guys put together this prank? While I was sleeping?" asked Nick. Chase appeared behind him.

"What prank? Did someone prank someone? What did I miss?" Nick jumped.

"Nick is looking for Michael," said Melody. He tone was as if she was speaking to a toddler. Chase looked confused.

"Michael?" Nick laughed hollowly.

"Very funny guys." He turned around and Chase was now on the couch with the two girls. They were all looking over the back, and their heads were in a perfect line. They all looked concerned for him. Nick looked closely at Treauna. He knew that she wouldn't be able to keep his stare long if she was pranking him.

"Michael. Brown hair, glasses, laser vision," said Nick franticly. They all shook their heads in unison.

"Never heard of him," said Treauna.

"He's the lead of United!" Melody shook her head.

"I'm the head of United. Maybe you should go see the nurse."

"No, I'm fine. Micheal showed me around the school Friday."

"Nick, I showed you around the school Friday," said Treauna. "You made a joke about how Mr. Ferno was a hothead. I still think that it's pretty funny." Nick ran his hands through his own hair with a confused moan.

“No, it was Michael. I’m sure.” Chase appeared next to him.

“Hey, there’s a place that we haven’t shown you yet.” Nick was confused at the change of subject.

“What?” he asked as Chase took his arm and lead him out of the door.

“The nurse.” (SAVAGE OMG)

"Am I crazy?" asked Nick. He was sitting on the examination table in the nurses office.

"Open," commanded Mrs. Plum, the school's nurse. Nick obediently opened his mouth to let her put a thermometer in his mouth. The office was huge, and there was good reason. Half of the kids that were in there with Nick were Strength Force, and they need a lot of medical attention. All of these jocks have super strength, but that doesn't protect their bones. (🤣) The room consisted of almost a hundred beds, lined up against the wall. Like the entire school, there was many high windows that gave a view of forested area, and the large brick wall in the background. Mrs. Plum pulled the thermometer out of his mouth and read the temperature.

"Normal."

"Then why did I image someone that wasn't there?" asked Nick. Mrs. Plum walked over and picked up his chart.

"What force are you in?"

"United. Is there a psych ward here? Because-"

"Oh, stop that. You're not crazy, but you are driving me in that direction." She kept flipping through the pages as though to look for something.

"Ah," she exclaimed, "United Force House is next to Mind force. I need to speak with Mrs. Mintrid (that is a terrible made up name). She needs to keep her watches under control."

"What do you mean, 'under control'?" asked Nick. Mrs. Plum scrunched up his nose.

"Did you have any bad dreams last night? I mean really terrible, vivid dreams?" Nick nodded dumbly.

"The kids from Mind Force have a bad habit of taking control of people's, especially new students, minds. The longer that you are here, the more resilant your mind becomes. One of the things that they are the most well-known for doing is going back and changing people's memories. Changing memories is difficult though, it takes Last Years to do. They have bad habits of sneaking into other Force's clubhouse and changing memories. One changes the memories and the other distracts the subject with a vivid dream. Did the girl," Mrs. Plum kept flipping through the pages of the file.

"Melonie,"

"Melody. Her name is Melody," corrected Nick.

"Right, Meldiny. (lots of people get my friend's name wrong so I put this in here to tease her) Did she have an outburst last night? She has a record of using her ability without knowing it. One of the Last years must have disturbed her in the night. You are late for your class." (OMG what a sudden way to end that)

Nick headed down the hallway and looked around for his class. He had Honors first. whatever that means, thought Nick. All that Nick had to show him where to go was a piece of paper that told his classes and the knowledge of the layout that he had acquired yesterday. There wasn't very many people still in the halls, but there was a few Blaze Force members loitering around the halls.

When Nick first looked at them, they looked like there were smoking cigarettes, but he soon realized they were just blowing smoke out of the mouths in different shapes. Cool trick, thought Nick as walked past them. One blew a puff of smoke into his face as he passed. Nick held his breath and scurried around a corner.

Once he was out of hearing distance, Nick sputtered a cough and tried to get the smell out of his nose and the stinging out of his lungs. The stench burned up his nose and made his eyes water. It was a terrible mix of wood smoke, gasoline, and teenage boys. After the smoke cleared, Nick started back down the hallway. Looking around, the new student was sure that he had made a wrong turn. There was no one in the hall.

As Nick was walking, he felt eyes watching him. The feeling grew until Nick had to stop and look around him. He turned to his right, then his left, then up. When he looked up, he saw a girls somehow holding herself onto the ceiling. Nick cried out jumped back.

"Oh shush. You seem lost," said the girl. She wore the same uniform that he did, apart from plaid shorts instead of pants. He hair was braided tightly onto her head. She delicately swung down on top of the lockers. Dangling her legs over the edge, she continued.

"Where do you need to go?"

"Why were you on the ceiling?" asked Nick. He was still trying to figure out how she was holding on up there.

"I'm Stealth Force. (STEALTH FORCE STEALTH FORCE WE STAN) We're not allowed to use the ground. Well, all but Last Year, and I'm not even close to that."

"You're not allowed to use the floor?" question Nick. The idea seemed so foreign. The girl shrugged.

"Yeah, well, for training." Nick's mind was filled with more questions.

"How do they know you don't touch the ground?" The girl fiddled around with a small backpack that seemed to appear out of nowhere. After a moment, she pulled out a funny looking flash light.

"Throw me up on of your shoes," she ordered. It was a strange order, but Nick was starting to grow accustomed to them. After pulling off one of his sneakers, Nick tossed to her. Turning on the flashlight, the soles of Nick shoe shone orange. She then shone it on her own shoes to reveal they had no color. (I STILL LOVE THIS IDEA I THINK IT'S GREAT)

"Don't know what it's called," she said as she threw the shoe back down. "But I know it doesn't wash off. Trust me. Now, where do you need to go?" Nick fumbled with his paper.

"Um, GL 676." She smiled, then pointed back the way that he had come.

"Go down this hallway, take a left, then a right, then another left." Nick tried to commit that to memory. Left, right, then left again. He turned to walk down the hall then turned back to the girl.

"Oh, and thanks, for," when he turned, she was gone. Nick shivered. He had finally made his way to his next class.

annnnnnd that's all I ever wrote. Thanks for reading!

[captainillogical]

Profoundly Yours Ch.1

Amity receives a love letter in her locker. Luz wants to help figure out who it is.

Cover art by my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

AO3 mirror

Today is looking to be a long day, it seems.

Amity looks up at the clock on the wall just as the school bell screams, and she grabs for the books in front of her as the other students around her bustle about. All she really wants to do is find a nice, quiet place to take a nap - she could barely sleep the night prior. She waits for a moment, letting the other students leave the classroom first so as to not get trampled on, and makes her way out the door with an offhanded wave to her teacher.

She sighs, holding the books close to her chest as she walks over to her locker. At least the day is halfway done, she thinks to herself. She hasn’t even gotten to open her locker when Boscha rolls up, slamming a hand against the nearest wall.

“So, I had the brightest idea earlier that we’d all go get our nails done after school, and Skara is SUPER on board with it.” The three-eyed girl leans in, a smirk on her face. “You in, Amity?”

She doesn’t really want to, like, at all - so she thinks up a quick excuse.

“I can’t, sorry. I promised mom I’d help out with her afternoon errands.” Amity replies, trying to really sell the lie with a grimace. She wishes that Boscha would just lose interest in being her “friend” already.

“Ughhh, it’s not as fun if you can’t go,” Boscha rolls her eyes, a bit of a pout on her face. “Skara’s just going to talk about her boyfriend the entire time.”

“I really am sorry, I definitely would go with you guys if I was free,” Amity lies through her teeth, reaching out to open her locker. She wants to be in the lunchroom already - she can feel her stomach growling, and maybe she can see a certain someone’s face. That will absolutely make her day better.

The locker opens with a clatter - it growls at her and she ignores it, and a single square white envelope is sitting inside; there’s no name, or any indication of what it could be on the outside. Amity grabs for it curiously, placing her books inside.

“What’s that, some kind of love-letter?” The pink-haired girl snatches the envelope out of Amity’s hands, eyebrows shooting up into her hairline.

“Boscha! Give it!” Amity tries reaching for it, but the other girl just side-steps out of her way with a laugh, tearing the letter open to see what’s inside.

“What do we have here~” She teases, eyes scanning the page. They widen considerably when she catches onto something. “Whoa, actually - dude someone has it bad for you, ha ha!!” She snorts out a laugh, and Amity grabs the letter out of her hand, finally.

She stares at the piece of paper, and her heart starts to race. It’s a poem.

Someone WROTE her a poem.

Amity - your eyes shine like gold coins

And when I look into them

I feel like the richest person ever.

Oh, wow. That’s a terrible poem. And yet kind of sweet?.. Hm. There’s no name anywhere.

Amity forces her face into a grimace, and Boscha’s still laughing.

“This is awful, who wrote this?” She cackles, and Amity is almost starting to feel a little defensive over it. I mean, the person wrote it for her.

“There seems to be no name on it.” The green-haired witch shoves the letter into her pocket, hearing it crinkle loudly. “That’s too bad.”

“Yeah that’s too bad, I wanted to make fun of them for it!” She laughs again, and yeah okay, Amity’s starting to feel annoyed.

“Not everyone needs to be made fun of constantly,” She retorts, slamming her locker shut. She gives one last look to her not-sort-of-friend, before turning to leave. “I’m going to lunch.”

The sounds of Amity’s footsteps fade away within the noise of the school, and Boscha watches her go.

“What’s gotten up with her lately?” She says to no one in particular, scowling to herself.

-

Amity faces the crowded lunchroom, food in hand. She’s not even feeling particularly hungry now since she read that note, but will force down the food anyway. She looks around and happens to spot Willow sitting with Gus off to the side - as well as Luz.

Ah.

She feels so stupid, the way her heart does little flips every single time she sees the human. It feels irrational, at this point. Why did Luz turn out to be so nice, and caring, and cute - she stops that particular train of thought. It’s the entire reason why she hasn’t been getting enough sleep this last week, and with everything that happened after Grom, Amity feels a little like she might be going crazy.

Her feelings are going haywire, and she has no outlet for them. She can’t talk to anyone about it, come on, that’d be so embarrassing. Admitting you have feelings, romantic feelings, for a human? Yeah, she’d rather hex herself than go through that kind of social scrutiny right now.

She mulls over where to sit - spotting an empty table in the opposite corner by the windows, and walks over to it to sit down. She sighs, pulling her sandwich out of the bag, and takes a small bite out of it. It’s a bit dry, but it’s whatever. She pulls the note out of her pocket and unfolds it on the table, having to place her bottle of water on the top of it to stop it from folding back up.

Amity leans forward, peering hard at the handwriting, nice as it is. She doesn’t recognise it at all. Who could this be from, exactly? She feels like this could also possibly be a prank, because who in their right mind would send her a love letter? Definitely not the person she wants it to be. She takes another bite, chewing it slowly and thoughtfully. 

A familiar voice laughs nearby, and all of a sudden a hand slams down on the table about a foot from Amity. She jolts in her seat, looking up to see the face of Luz.

“Amity!” The human girl enthusiastically greets her. “Why are you sitting here all alone? Since you didn’t come to sit with us, we’ll sit with you!” She grins, Willow and Gus in tow right behind her. They all take a seat at the table around her, tossing their food onto the table and making themselves comfortable. Amity feels a little taken aback with the gesture, and tries to not let it show too much on her face. Being this close to Luz after what happened the other day.. she swallows her feelings.

“Oh, you don’t have to-” Luz gasps, cutting Amity off. She grabs the piece of paper on the table, and holds it up to her face. She’s squinting quite hard.

“A love letter!!!” Luz exclaims, eyes wide open with her mouth hanging dramatically - Willow shushes her. She rubs the back of her head sheepishly, looking apologetic. “Forget you heard anything!” She shouts back out to the lunch room. A stray “don’t tell me what to do!” pierces through the white noise of the other students chattering amongst themselves. Gus giggles into his soup.

“Thanks for that.” Amity half-glares at Luz, taking the letter back from her and folding it in half, placing it back on the table. She feels the tips of her ears get warm from embarrassment. “And yeah.. It was in my locker when I opened it earlier. I have no idea who it’s from.”

“I bet I can figure out who it is.” Gus says smugly, taking a spoonful into his mouth. “Let me see.”

“No! You’ll just judge it unfairly.” Amity replies, and reaches out to clutch it in her hands.

“C’mon, why are you being so defensive! What can it hurt?” He points his spoon at her, waving it a bit. 

"I'm not defensive!" She retorts back, Gus' smirk immediately widening. She quickly realizes her mistake, and slides the letter over to him to play it off cool. "It's just, it's a poem of all things, and I don't know of anyone that's written anything like.." She trails off as she watches Gus' eyebrows shoot up on his face, and she's unsure if it's either because he's impressed, or taken aback with said writing. Willow leans over to also peer at the letter.

"I don't know whether to laugh or applaud this guy."

"It could be a girl, Gus." Willow gives him a judgemental look. "Do you know of any guys here with that handwriting? It's too nice."

"That's a.. fair point." He puts a finger up to his lip, and then looks around at the other students in the lunch room, squinting his eyes in suspicion. He points to a person waaay over in the opposite corner. "What about him? He's always been pretty well-spoken."

"Geoffrey?!" Amity hisses out, and then reels enough back to not look so.. frantic. "It's obviously not him, I mean, he's nice sure. But he never goes out of his way to talk to me, and he's never given any kind of indication he even likes me as a fellow classmate."

"Plus, Geoffrey has had that thing for Brian since last year, remember?" Willow takes a bite out of her apple, and grabs the poem to read it again. 

"Oh right, kind of forgot about that since that one incident." Gus sighs a little dramatically, and the rest of the table ignores his theatrics. He makes a show to place his hand over his eyes - like he's staring out into bright open seas er - students. "Maybe it is a girl. Maybe it's.. someone we know. Maybe it's… Luz!!" He points to her like gotcha! and Amity feels her heart stop.

Luz chokes on the bite of food she's just placed inside her mouth, her spoon clattering on the table. "I've never written a love letter in my life," She sputters and coughs several more times - her cheeks are turning pink a little, but surely it's from the lack of air intake. Gus laughs at her, Willow rolling her eyes at her friend's antics. "Besides, if I were to write a love letter, it would definitely not be poetry. There's a reason why mom wanted me to go to that summer camp. If anything, I'd write a fanfic."

"A fanfic." Willow deadpans at her for a couple seconds, and then shrugs. "That is very you, though."

Amity takes the last bite of her sandwich and tries not to sit there in disappointment. Like, she knew it wasn't Luz of course. Still stings a little. Luz gives Amity a curious look as she swallows her food, and Amity hopes her emotions aren't showing on her face. That'd be terrible.

"Was the letter in your locker when you first came into school today?" The human asks, wiping her face for any food crumbs. She takes the letter from Willow, her eyes scanning the page one last time.

"No, now that I think about it." Amity replies, watching the other girl. She tries not to let her eyes linger on Luz for too long in anyone else's presence, for fear that someone might catch wind of her feelings for the human.

"Well then, clearly, we know they're a student here. Now if only it were obvious!" Gus says excitedly. "We should build a student card bingo for this."

"That would be interesting." Willow laughs.

"You think the admirer will come forward sometime to confess?" Luz leans near Amity to ask, making the other girl acutely aware of just how close she is.

"It wouldn't matter, honestly." Amity admits, taking the poem back from Luz and folding it into her pocket. "It's not like I'm interested."

"Why, you like someone else?" Gus interjects, slurping up another spoonful of soup.

"N-no! Of course not!" Amity says a little too quickly, and she feels a specific set of eyes on her. "Besides, I wouldn't date someone I don't know, just because they wrote me a poem."

She sees Luz staring at her out of the corner of her eye, like she's remembering the note Amity has been trying to forget about since the night of Grom.

"Yeah, I wouldn't either." Willow agrees, and hands Gus a napkin absentmindedly. He's kind of a messy eater.

"Wow, give the person a break, they just put their whole heart out there! Doesn't that mean anything in the name of romance?" Gus says in between mouthfuls of soup.

"They're welcome to say it to my face." Amity replies, and she tries to change the subject.

Lunch period ends pretty soon after that, and the rest of classes go by pretty slowly for Amity. Ed and Em rip into her about her day after school a little more than usual, and she retires to her bedroom early that night, a lot on her mind to think about.

She has a hard time falling asleep, like she has been for a while now, one very specific person plaguing her thoughts constantly. She thinks she'll just forget about the love letter for now. Or maybe entirely, actually, since there's no point.

Sleep comes to her after a couple of hours.

-

When her locker physically spits another letter at her the next day, she decides this might be a problem.

[uwua3]

that taichi headcannon for jealousy broke my heart :( could you do one where he finds another person? one that makes him laugh, ruffles his hair, games with him etc~ a happier one!

oh no!!! i’m so sorry here u go *offers u a new, super cool heart that is angst–proof* ♡ yes, i definitely want taichi to find ~ love ~ like he deserves because he’s such a puppy 🥺 i adore him endlessly so him having a happy alternative is Required Immediately!

summary: love came in many forms—including platonic best friends

warnings: heartbreak, unrequited love

author’s note: i actually went a bit more different route with this! i know this prompt typically means a romantic love, but i didn’t really feel like it would fit. this is a best friend! reader x taichi, and i am so happy with the message in this! go best friends!!!

love is love and you shouldn’t have to rush into a relationship to find it. your friends love you, and although it’s not the same, it’s more than enough ♡ love isn’t just what you do for others, so don’t try so hard to be loved. people will love you for you, not whatever romantic movie–based idea you have of them. i hope you know you are loved. i love you ♡

word count: 2,106

music: ily (i love you baby) – surf mesa ft. emilee

a skater gets back up.

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

taichi missed being in love

he missed writing all those heart–shaped love letters made of pink construction paper and his exaggerated, overwhelming feelings with red pen. he’d write their name in pretty cursive that took so many tries, he dotted the i’s with hearts, he color–coded it so well that it was just an explosion of valentine’s day

he missed dedicating his favorite songs to them, hearing it randomly in his shuffled mix and immediately thinking of them. he missed explaining what the songs meant, feeling all types of love when he repeated them over and over again

he missed creating playlists with them in his mind, forming it so it flowed perfectly and it was like he handcrafted the album himself. he missed sending the link and listening to it on repeat like a lovesick fool

he missed sending good morning/night texts, putting all his time aside just to fall head over heels again like he was on his skateboard. taichi knew he was a good boyfriend, that he loved with all of his heart and his feelings were real. but, he missed all of it, he missed love so much. taichi needed love

(it was so fucked up, but taichi sometimes listened to all the music he dedicated to them at night and stared up at his dark bedroom ceiling, crying just wishing he didn’t break it off. that he kept the toxic relationship going for just a bit more, just for the attention. he missed them)

so, taichi knew what he had to do. he actively started looking for love, not caring if he was going to get hurt again or if his heart was weak and broken from his last situation

(taichi’s reliance on love was so unhealthy, that even his friends got tired of his whining and eventually stopped communicating back when he went on a rant again)

(taichi didn’t mind, his dependency and need to be someone’s and be their one & only was too strong for him to even consider any other rational solution)

but you, you came out of no where

taichi was busy scrolling through his instagram following list, trying to find out if anyone cute was single. he could slide into their DMs with a fun message, be as enthusiastic as possible to avoid being left on seen. he was considering if he should start a digital conversation as he rode home from school

(he wasn’t the best multitasker. taichi was skating to the dorms, texting on his phone without looking up. he was casually skating before bam! he hit a curb, tumbling to the pavement as his phone flew a few feet away)

taichi groaned, knowing he was going to get scolded and laughed at by autumn troupe the moment he showed up to the dorms like he lost in a fight. as he moved to lay on his back, taichi rubbed his eyes as the sunlight was suddenly blocked from his vision

taichi opened his eyes and looked up, you were looking over him with wide, concerned eyes as you were saying something about first aid and asking if he was okay. taichi just blinked, not hearing you over the ringing in his ears as he stared at your face

you were cute! this could work, taichi just had to say some clever pick–up line you’d like. you would maybe find it so witty that you’d give him your number, you two would walk, form a momentary bond where he’d fall in love, and then you’d leave. taichi couldn’t believe fate finally recognized he needed a partner so it made him fall for them instead (literally)

taichi was about to open his mouth before you took his hand and pulled him up, helping him stand and he stared at your face, trying to process the situation. why were you helping? were you interested? did you want to go on a date? taichi blushed, never having someone ever be this direct to him

in reality, taichi’s sense of perception and reading between the lines was so warped. taichi romanticized his entire life, the way you touched his arm and made sure a completely random stranger was okay. this had to be the universe’s calling! but really, he just fell in love with everyone he met and pretended like his soulmate was out there

(maybe, this was all just an elaborate game to prove to himself that someone could love him. maybe, taichi just wanted to be worthy of someone’s love)

last time, he purposely fell off his skateboard to get a person’s attention. but this time, you were the one who came over to help. maybe, this could be different

“hey, hey! are you okay?!”

when the ringing subsided and he could pick up on your voice, taichi kicked his board up and swung it in his open backpack, putting his free hand out as he grinned like he didn’t just embarrass himself in front of you

“nanao taichi, great to meet you!” he exclaimed, smiling like his elbows weren’t scraped or his uniform was in desperate need of an ironing. he had a dull headache and he needed an ice pack for that bruise on his hip, but he looked so happy

you carefully took his hand, shaking it as you warily wondered how could someone be this happy after crashing like that (it was honestly a wreck, he looked like he could’ve died from the way he landed)

you said your name and the rest was history as he picked up his phone, wincing at the cracked screen, as he asked for your number

from there on, it was the start of a healthy friendship. at first, taichi tried to force this image he had onto you, convinced the timeline was basically telling him he had to do everything in his power to fall in love. but you shut him down quickly, emphasizing you guys were only friends and you weren’t about to risk this great friendship for some fling taichi wanted

honestly, it was for the best. taichi respected your boundaries and backed down (especially after you were adamant on not entering a fake relationship for the attention). when taichi took off his rose–tinted glasses and realized not every relationship he had meant pursuing some fantasy of love only he could imagine, your friendship with him became even better

taichi wrote you letters when he genuinely meant them, not because he felt like he was obligated to. sometimes, when he was so appreciative of how much you were there for him, he wrote pages of what you meant to him. they weren’t heart–shaped, but it had even more meaning because you actually read them and ruffled his hair, saying he was the bestest friend ever

you loved it! even though, he didn’t try as hard as he always did. he wrote your name normally, but you still smiled when you read it. he didn’t dot his i’s with hearts, but you still joked about how messy his handwriting was, and it didn’t bother him! it wasn’t perfect nor a representation of his lovey–dovey heart, but you loved it more than anyone else he ever did it for in his past

(his heart swelled with pride, not because he did something romantic, but because it made you happy. taichi was happy you felt loved, and were loved. was that the true purpose of letters? taichi didn’t think he could’ve wrote letters that were just plain without all the love clichés in the world, but you enjoyed them just the same without the flowery language)

taichi even sent you songs he knew you would love. you always listened to them, even sent back feedback about what you liked. but, taichi didn’t think it was romantic in any way. you appreciated that he took his time to send you something he associated with you. you always sent one back, but it wasn’t random, he always had on repeat whatever you chose because it fit him so well

he even remembered the first time he created a playlist for you on your birthday, selecting the same amount of songs as your age with thoughtful consideration. but this time, he didn’t go overboard and nitpicked at every single beat and rhythm. he just picked songs that made him think of you in a random order, and you still loved it. you even sent a video of you listening to it and shooting a thumbs up to the camera

(taichi’s heart doubled in size. you knew him so well! you knew what he liked and always paid attention to his likes & dislikes just like he did with you! you put in just as much effort with him, you really tried in this friendship and it wasn’t for the gifts he’d shower his future significant other with)

taichi always said good morning/night to you, but you didn’t yell at him when he forgot sometimes. you always said it back and even texted him first on occassion

(his heart was truly overwhelmed with all the subtle love you showed him. for once in his life, taichi felt like this was love. but he didn’t have to follow every romance movie’s rules or imitate every protagonist ever to get that love, all he did was be his true, authentic self)

taichi stopped himself from forcing love onto everyone he met. on nights when he felt like texting his ex again, or rekindling old relationships that didn’t work out for a reason, you stayed up with him, reminding him how much pain he went through and he couldn’t just put himself through hell again

taichi had to accept not everyone was his soulmate–to–be, that maybe this wasn’t his time to be in love. it took so much time to know that he’d rather be in love for a very long time than in short bursts

(not because it was more romantic, but he deserved a long–term, stable relationship that wasn’t just him begging for validation)

you taught him he was more than the people who played him in the past. he couldn’t sink to their level and start messing around just for the satisfaction, he would fall in love with someone right and it would be all worth it

(you two even once got into an argument. when taichi was going on and on about wanting a partner, you cut him off angrily, frustrated he wasn’t listening to your pleas for him to stop. you were so confused why he kept doing this to himself on purpose and if he was going to turn into some player. he kept ignoring you, whining about some partner before you gave up, telling him you couldn’t handle it today)

(that’s what it took for him to snap back to reality, taichi apologized immediately and tried his best to avoid ranting so much. at the end, you were always right and wanted the best for him. taichi had to accept that)

you provided taichi with real love that wasn’t because because he did all these romantic things, it was because you liked him for him. he stopped trying to see you as a potential lover and loved you as a friend, and that was more than enough

taichi had skateboarded to your house, rapidly knocking on your door as you came outside to see him with a boquet of flowers and your favorite candy. your heart dropped, oh no, was he about to confess when you made it clear—

“i love you.” taichi said, passing you the gifts as you stood shocked. you couldn’t believe it, you told him numerous times you two would never be in a relationship like this... you were about to object, reprimand him before he burst out laughing, holding his stomach as he hopped off his board

“oh my god! your face!!!” taichi hollered, trying to contain himself as you smacked his head with your boquet. you were genuinely so freaked out but breathed a sigh of relief once you saw he looked at you the same as before. taichi wasn’t in love with you, but—

“i just came to say i love you, as my best friend. i love you, and you taught me real love. i love you.”

your best friend, taichi, smiled just like that day he fell off his skateboard and scraped up his entire body. you hoped he never changed and stayed the same romantic nutcase as before, but for the right person

as you hugged him, taichi realized he didn’t need a relationship. he needed love, and his best friend was more than enough

[fletchphoenix]

Study Date With Destiny

Chapter two of the High School AU <3 i love these boys. Thank you guys for the support on this and my other projects, I love y’all loads for that!! :)) Onwards with the chapter!!

TW - Strong Language (yet again, i cannot remember but knowing me there probably is some somewhere)

--------------------------

  As Varian trudged along, he felt himself slowly starting to slip closer towards just strangling the boy who was rambling beside him, hands in his pockets and laughing obnoxiously loud at his own jokes. Hugo Atkinson may possibly be the most annoying, egotistical guy he’s ever met in his life and he was sure he hated him with his whole being. He didn’t get how a human being could annoy him so much that he’d want to just disappear on the spot, but here he was.

  His hatred intensified as the other wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s shoulders in a vice-like grip, pulling him closer. “Hey hairstripe, are we gonna be there yet? And are you okay? You’ve been staring at the floor for the past twenty minutes. Are you really that in love with me that you can’t focus around me?” he added with a wide grin.

  Varian’s cheeks immediately flushed and he shoved Hugo away as hard as he could, the other boy merely stumbling and cackling with laughter. “As if I’d have a crush on you! You’re-ugh! You’re insufferable!” he complained as he sped up his pace, Hugo struggling slightly to keep up. Okay, now Varian definitely wanted to kill him. It wasn’t fair how the taller boy thought he could just- just torment him on his first official day back at school and get away with it! Mr Crick had better be right about Hugo being smart, or Varian was gonna lose it with the other. His patience was already wearing thin - so he just prayed for Hugo’s sake that it didn’t run out almost immediately.

  He finally halted his relentless pace, turning and walking through the pearly white, wooden  gates to Rapunzel and Eugene’s house as Hugo stood in shock and stared up at the building in awe. It was only a quaint house with a tiny garden out front, the couple having moved there after their wedding and Varian joining them after...everything that happened last year, but Hugo stared at it as though it was the largest, most beautiful mansion in the world. “Nice place, hairstripe…” he whistled as he trailed after Varian, the raven haired boy rolling his eyes in response and praying that their little ‘study session’ would fly by just as fast as the rest of the day had. He wasn’t sure if he could put up with another few hours of Hugo teasing him and lounging over him in the middle of class. It was probably to embarrass him, and it was sure as hell working. 

  He fumbled with his keys for a second before unlocking the door and walking into the cooling air of the house. Maybe it was the heat making him all hot and bothered about Hugo - after all, his mother had always told him how he was more irritable in the summer months and had a tendency as a child to just curl up into a ball on the floor of their kitchen and cry because he found it unbearable. It made sense as much as he hated to admit it, sometimes he’d get the urge to do it in Rapunzel’s kitchen before remembering he was sixteen now and, contrary to popular belief, couldn’t just lie on the kitchen floor and cry his eyes out over all his problems. Instead, he’d have to do it in his bedroom. Now, Hugo’s presence in his life gave him something justifiable to cry over. Great!

  “Hey sis, me and Hugo are going upstairs to work on a project-” he yelled, grabbing Hugo’s wrist to pull him up the oak stairs and to his room before Rapunzel could ambush him and pull him into a lengthy conversation of ‘how did you meet?’ and ‘he’s nice Varian, could make a lovely friend’, because truth be told, he didn’t want to be friends with the arrogant son of a- Light pattering of what sounded like bare feet sounded from the kitchen and he let out a loud groan as Rapunzel bounded into the hallway and smiled up at him and Hugo. Oh no.

  “Hello Hugo, I’m Rapunzel! It’s a pleasure to meet you!” she declared, sticking out her hand with a freakishly wide smile on her face, clearly putting Hugo off. Varian almost felt bad for the other until he remembered the relentless teasing and rambling on the way here, a smile building on his face as Hugo’s expression of discomfort. “Not a fan of handshakes? That’s fine! I’ll call you both down when dinner is ready, okay?” she told them both before turning on her heel and skipping towards the kitchen. Varian gave Hugo no time to recover before grabbing his hand and pulling him along upstairs to his bedroom in the attic, ascending the two flights of stairs and pulling the cord to turn the light on. 

  “You sleep in the attic? What kind of Cinderella situation is this, hairstripe?” Hugo questioned, already making himself at home by dropping his bag beside Varian’s bed and lounging on it. “See something you like?” He teased before Varian’s face, for the second time today, flushed red. “I’m teasing, hairstripe. Obviously you do. But, I’ve gotta admit, it’s a nice set up. The two desks are a nice decorative touch.”

  “Shut up.” Varian quipped back, sitting at his desk and resting his forehead against it.  They hadn’t even started and he’d already thought of all the ways he could kill Hugo, all of them seeming like pretty good options at this point in time. “So, we’ve gotta do a project on green chemistry, and the extraction of biodiesel and biofuels. That’ll be..interesting, right?” he muttered aloud, raising his head to look at Hugo, who just frowned in confusion. “You...you get what I’m talking about, right?”

  “Oh, yeah. Of course I get what you’re talking about, I’m a genius. I just got a bit confused at why in the living hell you’ve got a raccoon on your desk and why he looks as though he’s going to kill me.” Hugo stated bluntly, pointing hix index finger to the pile of papers behind Varian. The other turned in his chair and gasped happily, pulling the raccoon into his arms and peppering kisses over the furry little angel’s face. 

  “Ruddiger!” he cried happily, the raccoon nuzzling his cheek against his owner’s and sitting on his shoulders. “Sorry, this is Ruddiger, my pet raccoon! I saved him from a bear trap when I was fourteen and the little guy’s stuck with me ever since! Pretty loyal, right?” he chuckled, his smile contorting into a frown at the unreadable expression on Hugo’s face. Oh no, now he’d just given Hugo more reasons to bully him. Brilliant. He couldn’t believe he’d just so openly admitted to having a goddamn pet raccoon in front of the one guy who made fun of him the most!

  “That’s cute.” Hugo said, almost whispering.

  “I-I’m sorry, what?”

  “It’s cute. The raccoon, I mean. A bit weird you named him after your last name, but hey. That’s pretty sweet how you got him. I have a pet mouse called Olivia at home, and she’s one of my favourite things in the world if I’m being honest.” Hugo shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck with his prosthetic arm subconsciously, his gaze drifting towards the floor as Varian swore a light blush came to those pale, freckled cheeks of his. “Anyway-” Hugo interrupted, standing and pulling the chair from the other desk over to sit beside Varian. “What are we gonna do for this project then, hairstripe?” 

  “Oh, I have a few ideas-” Varian began, proceeding to explain all the thoughts and ideas culminating in his head for various different aspects of the topic they could cover - the need for biofuels, alternative energy sources, how to make a sustainable fuel supply..you name it, he said it, along with different ways to present it, such as papers, a powerpoint or something along those lines. However, he couldn’t shake the feeling he was being stared at, the thought making him feel slightly uneasy. He turned his head slightly, his eyes meeting Hugo’s who simply stared at him, his head propped up by his flesh hand with a stupid smile on his face, instantly disappearing as soon as Varian looked over and straightening his back. “Perfect ideas, hairstripe. Absolutely perfect.” he added as he looked away and covered his mouth to feign a cough. 

  Varian raised an eyebrow, a frown forming on his face before hesitantly turning his attention back to the brainstorm of notes he’d written on the page, however he couldn’t bring himself to fully focus again. Why was Hugo staring at him like that? Was there something on his face? Was he just really invested in what Varian had to say? It was weird to say the least - having the guy he hated stare at him. It was probably one of his tricks to make Varian let his guard down even more, Nuru did say he was an infamous playboy in school and dated around a lot. Yep, that was most definitely it, he concluded as the boys began to write and work together.

  Surprisingly, they worked extremely well together - akin to a well-oiled machine or a pair of old lab partners. Hugo was much smarter than he let on, even better than Varian in some areas of the topic and, although he let out a few quips every now and then, he really wasn’t a pain to work with and was..extremely co-operative and receptive to whatever ideas Varian had. He’d give his genuine thoughts with no insults to Varian’s intelligence and seemed to really respect his ideas. It felt like an entirely different guy to the one in chemistry class only a few hours prior, a soft smile drifting onto his face as he sat there and wrote, before he and Hugo locked eyes in silence. 

  “DINNER!” Rapunzel called from downstairs, breaking the trance the two boys had been placed into and causing them both to hurriedly stand and rush downstairs quietly. Varian didn’t understand - it's gotta be Hugo putting an act on. It didn’t make any sense on how he was so different to how he was in chemistry. Nonetheless, the pair entered the kitchen. “Hey boys! How’s the studying going?” Rapunzel questioned from her seat at the table, Eugene sitting beside her with a smile on his face, presumably happy that Varian finally had a friend at school. 

  “It’s been fine, Rapunzel. Going swimmingly. Hairstripe here has plenty of great ideas.” Hugo declared with a grin, reaching over with his flesh arm to ruffle the boy’s hair, who ducked as fast as he could. Unfortunately, he wasn’t fast enough, his raven locks being messed up by the blonde. “How did you even get that streak anyway? Did ya just get bored when you were fourteen and do it to be ‘emo’?” he teased, nudging Varian and sitting down at the table. 

  “It’s natural, okay? Don’t ask how - I don’t know either. Probably my mom’s fault.” he shrugged and leaned over his plate, shovelling food into his mouth and trying to ignore any conversations taking place at the table. Hugo, on the other hand, relished in the attention Rapunzel and Eugene were giving him, showing off his achievements in school and how superior he was at..literally everything. He’d managed to hear that his mother ran a small company in town, that he worked for her and she was a single mom after his dad walked out on them. He also heard that he had over a dozen awards in school for multiple different clubs and activities, Varian listening in fascination. He had no idea Hugo was this..versatile. It was pretty damn amazing in his eyes. 

  After dinner had finished, Varian and Hugo lounged about on his bed in the attic after playing some video games together, waiting for Hugo’s mom to pick him up before Varian finally broke the comfortable silence after a few minutes. “How did you lose your arm?” he blurted out. He wasn’t really thinking when he said it, if he was being honest. He knew it was probably a sensitive topic to Hugo and talking about it would probably bring back some unwanted memories for the other boy. Clearly it did, as evident from Hugo’s features twisting into a look of sadness. “I..I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer, I was just curious and wasn’t thinking and-”

  “No, no. It’s alright. I thought you’d ask sooner if I’m being honest.” He let out a little nervous, breathy chuckle, turning on the bed to look at Varian quietly. “I..kinda lied about my childhood. Donella adopted me. I was six, and me, my mom and dad were driving in the middle of winter. I got excited about something stupid - a deer or something like that. It threw my dad off, he swerved and...the car crashed. My parents..they didn’t make it out alive. I did, but uh..paid the consequences with my arm being severed from the shoulder. So Donella took me in and made me a new arm. And voila, here we are.” his voice died out into a murmur before he shrugged nonchalantly. “Can I hear about the story between you and your parents or is that too personal? I kinda figured Rapunzel and Fitzherbert weren’t your parents so...” 

  Varian paused before letting out a sigh. “You told me your tragic backstory, so it’s only fair I tell you mine, right?” he responded and laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Well, my mom died when I was younger, which left me and my dad alone. When I was fifteen, my dad got sick. Really...really sick. He was getting to the point where it just wasn’t fair on him to keep him alive, so..we made the decision to stop with his treatment and let him pass away, so now I live with Rapunzel and Eugene. But..there isn’t a day where I don’t miss him and regret my decision.” he sighed, shocked when Hugo pulled him into a tight embrace in silence.

  He wasn’t used to the feeling of someone else other than Rapunzel or Eugene wrapping their arms around him and pulling him closer, but..it felt nice, comforting even. Just lying there in Hugo’s embrace. It felt right, he thought, as he laid there satisfied in the other boy’s arms, so close he could hear Hugo’s heart thudding in his chest, grounding him to the room they were in. It was different, but a good different that Varian didn’t want to give up just yet, subconsciously cuddling closer to the blonde before-

  “Hugo! Your mother is here!” Rapunzel called from downstairs, Hugo quickly sitting bolt upright and looking down at Varian, a twinge of sadness on his face. Even Varian felt a pang of sadness on his heartstrings as the boy moved off his bed, though he quickly dismissed it.

  “Hey, its uh-its been fun. Next time we can go to mine if you feel comfortable. Anyway-see you later.” he said with a smile, heading towards the door before Varian lunged forward and grabbed his wrist. “Wait. You’ll need this.” he muttered, writing his phone number down onto Hugo’s flesh forearm, Hugo’s skin warm to the touch. “Give me a text, alright?” he said with a smile, his eyes locking onto Hugo’s emerald ones. Were they always that vibrant?

  “Aw, don’t miss me too much, hairstripe.” he teased. Okay. Back to the teasing again, thought Varian, a loud and annoyed groan leaving his lips as Hugo smirked and turned away from him. “Okay, I’ll see you around. Have a good night.” he waved and disappeared around the corner, descending the two flights of stairs and, after twenty minutes, Varian heard the front door to the house shut.

  Immediately, he flopped back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Well, that was an experience. He’d made his first enemy, somehow managed to see that enemy as someone completely different to who he initially thought and then gave said-enemy his phone number. Huh. Maybe Hugo wasn’t as bad as he’d initially thought, he pondered as he laid back on his bed. A small ding broke him from his thoughts, pulling his phone from his pocket and registering the number as Hugo.

Hugo : Hey hairstripe, it's me. Your absolute favourite person in the whole wide world.

Varian : Ha. You wish you were, dweeb.

Hugo : *gasp* INSULTING ME?? Hugo : You wound me, hairstripe. Will you keep relentlessly tearing down my pride?

Varian : mmm,,,let me think about it

Varian : Yep. I will.

Hugo : Aha, love you too.

Hugo : Anyway, I’ve gotta dash for work and all. See you tomorrow, sweetcheeks.

Varian : See ya, twerp.

  “Sooo...he was nice!” Rapunzel called from the doorway, Varian dropping his phone and instantly losing the ghost of a smile on his face. He hadn’t realised she was there, her smug expression and the way she leaned against the doorframe with her arms folded made him cringe. 

  “Y’know knocking exists, right? That's a thing that people do. And yes, he’s nice around you guys, but gives me hell at school.” Varian groaned, knowing full well Hugo was going to treat him the same as he had while they were at school instead of the soft side he’d revealed to Varian that, admittedly, Varian much preferred to the suave persona the other had put on. It felt more genuine - the way he acted tonight. It felt like he was really seeing the real Hugo Atkinson in all his glory. 

  “Yeah I know. He does seem nice though. Okay buddy, me and Eugene will be downstairs if you need us, alright? Love you, Varian!” She assured before turning and heading down towards the first floor as Hugo had done only a few minutes prior, her brunette hair bouncing on her shoulders as she walked with her usual slight skip in her step. 

  Varian laid back once again with a satisfied smile, letting Ruddiger curl up into a small ball on his chest and absentmindedly, he reached down and trailed his hand across the raccoon’s fur, lost in thought. Maybe this year wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[doodles-arts]

Absence makes the heart grow forgetful

Pairing: Leonardo x reader

rating?: pg-13

warnings?: mild angst! and a curse word

word count: 2369

summary: Leo hasn’t seen you in a while. You start to worry but he let’s you know he’s just busy. But with no job as of recently, you can’t help but worry and investigate

a/n: I was in a mood recently and decided to write it on a piece of paper, no I didn’t break up with anybodyyy. thankfully. Just had a little mood and decided to make fictional characters suffer in my fictional writing like a sadist lmfaoo. Please go easy on any grammar or spelling mistakes, this was just alittle oneshot I wrote while I was brooding and didn’t feel like checking over!

enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I miss you..”

You didn’t expect him to see it anytime soon. Or be able to come over, or even wanna come over. Not because he didn’t love you, but because he was busy and would be too tired to wanna come all the way over to your house. You understood that much, but the thought still made you bitter. But Leo was no dog, he was not at your beck and call. If you were lucky, he’d promise to see you throughout the week and that would be enough. But the sentimental thought didn’t wash away the bitter feeling you had in your mouth.

You missed him dearly, you wanted to see him that second, wanted for him to drop everything and come see you that second. For some cuddles, late-night talk and much needed alone time. It was all you wanted. But he had been so busy this month you hadn’t seen him in two weeks. I hadn’t heard from him in 3 days. So, yes, you were a little bitter he wasn’t by your side at the moment.

Of course, you wouldn’t lash out at him because of it though, it wasn’t his fault he had a life separate from yours. It was normal to be busy and you were in no way mad at him. But your parents were out of time, you wanted him there, while you still could. He never came…

When you awoke the next morning to a text from you blue-clad turtle, and it read:

“Sorry, Had a busy patrol tonight, I miss ya too babe.”

You huffed out in annoyance. I guess you wouldn’t be seeing him any other time soon. It left you wondering if this would be a normal thing? An everyday thing. Because if it was, you weren’t comfortable. You checked the time and the day, it was late enough that they were finished with morning training. You’d call, make sure he was alright, and let him know that you missed and wished to see him. No problem in you taking the first step right?

Picking up the phone to your ear, it rang. Four rings later and Leo picked up the phone and you immediately smiled.

“Hi, babe!”

“Hey.”

“How are you, chicken?” A little nickname you had for him that always made him chuckle. not this time.

He hummed, “pretty good, babe”

“...well, I hope I didn’t catch you in a bad time, but I just wanted to check in”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Oh, alright. Well maybe you can come over tonight for some movies? I’m home alone right now and have really missed you these past few weeks.” You almost whispered the last part, feeling like a nuisance.

“Listen, I’ve just been really busy lately, I’ll try to make it. I’ll let you know if I can’t”

He sounded a bit distracted, “oh. Alright then.”

“Let’s talk later, alright?”

You nodded not really all their, “yeah, yeah”

He hung up before saying ‘I love you.’ It wasn’t like him. You felt a little nervous, had you done something? Playing with your hands while you thought of what it was you might have done, it couldn’t have been the late night text because he wrote that he also missed. You tried to brush it off. But the dent in your mood was an obvious indication that you had been unsuccessful.

Through the night you still waited for Leonardo, having faith that he’d come and fix anything that was going between the two of you. You fell asleep on the living room floor waiting for him. In the morning you had a terrible crick in your neck. You checked your phone and saw no notifications and when you pulled up your cellphone messages, there were no messages from him. He didn’t even let you know he wasn’t coming. That wasn’t like him. What the hell was going on?

You texted him a simple, “Coming down, okay?”

After an hour, you heard no response from him and decided to text Raph, “Is it okay if I come down?”

As you set your phone down to check your hair a quick ping! was heard. You checked and Raph had replied: “sure :)”

You smirked at his sarcastic texting emoticon, not have heard, or rather seen it in a while. You used to compete with Raph with everything.

Putting your boots on and walked down to the closet manhole, as you pulled the cover and started climbing in, another ping! was heard from your phone. It was Leo and it read:

“Busy, sorry”

You almost felt the urge to go back home. But if Raph said it was okay, and they weren’t busy, then what was Leo doing? No matter, you’d wait and hang with his brothers. Missing them just as much. As you walked towards the lair and rounded the corner inside. Your boyfriend was on the couch, his phone in his hand, and the remote in the other. You were frozen and the only reason he had even realized your presence was that Mikey had announced it. Or he would have been to busy on his phone, doing whatever.

As he looked up, a little panicked, Mikey swooped you in a hug and you hugged back lightly, and what he said next started boiling the pot on anger in your stomach. “You’re finally back! Leo took the liberty to tell us you were too busy to find time to come down to the lair the past few weeks.”

“Weeks?” You looked at him, the fake smile painted on your face. About to investigate this entire situation before you reacted. “Yeah, because of your job, dudette.” You nodded and slapped your forehead playfully.

“Yup, sorry, time gets so jumbled when you’re busy, ya know?” He smiled and nodded innocently, telling you there was warm pizza in the kitchen as he walked away. You bore a glare towards Leo and he knew he was in for it. Raph had stopped you on the way towards him, “hey pipsqueak, you look like your about loose your cool, ya’ good?” His golden eyes looked concerned, and his furrowed eyebrows seconded it. You nodded your teeth grinding, and quickly looked at the couch and back to him. He took the hint and walked away with hands up in surrender. The towel in his left hand wiping the sweat of his burly neck.

As you walked up to him, stopping right in front of him, He gave a side glance to see if any of his brothers were in the room. They weren’t and they weren’t going to be, Raph would make sure of that, being the good friend he was, he’d give you the privacy you wanted. “Busy from work? Huh, that would actually be great if I wasn’t LAID OFF”, he clears his throat and stood up to answer you.

“I know what this looks like-”

“And it’s exactly what I think, you’ve been avoiding me, and you can’t even own up to it?” You rolled your eyes in frustration. He quickly adds, “I wasn’t trying to I just wanted a little break. I was a little stressed.” You scoffed, more offended then before.

“I’m your girlfriend dumbass, I can help with that. And why is it the first thing you decided to remove from your plate was me? Am I that unimportant?” Leo’s eyes widened and quickly shook his head. “Of course not baby, I just didn’t wanna hurt you.”

“So you thought by pushing me away that it would make it better? God, I thought you were better than that. You lied to me ALL this time. Why the hell should I even believe anything-”

“I was tired, okay? Of you! Damnit, I just couldn’t find any of the times where I didn’t feel like our relationship wasn’t a responsibility.”

You felt the sting of the tears. The realization, that he never appreciated you, he’d never be able to appreciate you. “Fuck you, Leo. we’re through.” Before he could see your teary eyes, you walked away. Knowing he wouldn’t come after you, you walked away proudly. No way was he going to that away from you. You knew your worth and that sure as hell wasn’t it. But he was glad you were gone.

As you were far away enough, you felt yourself break, tears falling down your cheeks. And to think you ever felt like you had loved him. Gave him everything, everything you could offer. Your time, your affection, and your dedication. Your loyalty and admiration. What a prick, he couldn’t remember all the times your both stayed up late talking about the star signs or the American justice system. The nights you both watched the buildings twinkle their lights like stars.

You were still crying, the tears blurring your vision, but you still got up and walk the path to go home. You thought of the first night you spent the night together, the morning after where you played in the shower with the bubbles. The night you baked cupcake and threw flour at each other. Was that not memorable? You thought you were making memories. Were you really that unbearable that he liked it better when you were apart?

You tripped, your hands had flown out to catch your fall, and they scrapped on the sewer concrete. How could you have been so dumb? Let yourself be taken advantage of like that? Now you were in the sewers, on the floor on your hands, crying your heart out. You had yourself to blame for that. Your hands burned and it only fueled your anger and tears further.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A month and a few weeks later.

As you finished another study session with Donatello you got ready for bed. You were glad his brother held no ill feelings towards the breakup. They even seemed more helpful and close to you than before. Perhaps Leo told them about how the break-up and they felt bad?

You were pretty torn up about it, but you learned that Leo was his own person, he had his own view to your relationship. But you still cried some nights, remembering all the things you had put on pause for him. Or the fact that he felt driven away by you. You were still working on getting over him but it was a slow and steady process. You had self-control however, deleting his pictures and other messages from your phone.

As you pulled the blankets over you a distinctive knock the window that made you stand up straight in bed. In couldn’t be, he had some nerve to come knocking on your window after how he let you go.

Your hands trembled as you ripped off the covers, you wanted to be angry. You really did. But all you could feel was the nerves shooting up your body. You couldn’t let him get to you, he couldn’t hurt you any further, you weren’t together anymore. As you pulled open the window he smiled slowly, “h-hey.”

You just stared, not believing how nonchalant this man was being. It was quite obvious that you were uncomfortable, so what the hell was he waiting for?

“What do you want?” You asked, mumbling through your teeth, but you knew he could hear it, his hearing was impeccable. He rubbed the back of his neck, about to step a foot into your apartment, “I had a fight with Mikey… about you… and then Raph sorta jumped in. Just thought that maybe you and I could talk for a little. Just need someone to hear me out, like you, as you promised.”

You closed the sliding window slightly before he could walk in, “sorry, but no.” Your voice was at the peak of a tremble. You could feel the tears at bay. You weren’t going to let him back in, and you weren’t going to help him until you were over him. He looked hurt, genuinely. “I thought we promised each other we’d always be there?”

Your head snapped up to finally look him in the eyes, you kept your glare up. “We promised that, with the thought that we’d still be together Leo. I mean, Leonardo. You lost that privilege when you left me behind, I lost my job, I was swimming in debt and about to lose my apartment. Where were you? Oh! That’s right! You were stressed!-” The tears were no longer at bay, but rolling down on your cheeks. “-Too busy to think if I needed you! Why should I help you? When I was all alone, when I needed you most, you were already heading for the hills. Pfft, a break? More like an excuse.”

You were sniffling, but you didn’t miss a beat. This would be therapeutic, “You led me one, kept me worried, kept me up all those nights wondering if you were okay!” You noticed the tears in his eyes, and it tipped your anger over the top. You growled and slammed the window on his face. Not caring what else he had to say. He had lost his chance with you the second you had walked into the lair that day.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He stood on the fire escape, his eyes burning. He knew he was doing the right thing, but did it have to hurt so bad? His brothers called him stupid for playing you like that. Hence the fight, but he didn’t have a choice, his enemies knew of you and he knew they wouldn’t rest until he was dead trying to save you. Or worse, killed you to get to him.

He never meant for it to get this far, he just wanted to spend some time apart until his enemies assumed he had ended it, but then you had come down into the lair because you had texted Raph. God how had he been so blind, he didn’t think he could explain the truth so he came up with a lie. It was dumb, but you bought it. And he wished tonight he could have turned to you, but it was true, he had broken you. You were crying and so was he, and it was so hard not to force your window open and hold you.

He had lost the best thing that had ever happened to him and it was because he was always putting others in front of his own desires.

Raph made sure to remind him everyday about it.

He cried into his hands, in the middle of the night. Thrown out into the cold on your balcony, knowing he had failed you... 

If only he could have told you he loved you one more time.

[alitaimagines]

“stars shining right above you. night breezes seem to whisper I love you. birds singing in the sycamore tree, dream a little dream of me.” 

iwaizumi hajime - HAIKYUU!!

note: yall getting a Kenma imagine v soon. also, the reader isn’t specified to have a certain nationality! they’re just implied not to be from Japan :)

-please see my note above this imagine-

“and this is the boys volleyball practice gym,” one of the orientation leaders said, “they’re the best team in the entire school, maybe in all of Japan! and as a little known secret, keep your eye on Oikawa. he’s the popular one here,” she whispered. 

you watched as she swooned to the team and her eye trajectory landing on light brown haired boy. you could sense that your orientation leader might not be the only one who felt away about the boy named Oikawa. 

just as the two of you were about to leave, their coach blew the whistle. not bothering to put another thought into it, you were gazing at their enormous amount of trophies when you felt a few people come up to you. 

“you’re new here, right?” Oikawa asked as you nodded, “I’m Oikawa, what’s your name?” he asked as he leaned up against the wall and wiped the sweat off his forehead. 

you remained silent for a moment, “( your name ),” you replied as he gave you a smile, “would you mind if I showed you around?” he asked with a smirk playing on his face. 

you knew exactly what game he was playing, “no,” you said in a monotone voice as you sarcastically checked your watch, “classes start soon and I wouldn’t want either of us to be late, okay?” 

the other boys that had walked with Oikawa started laughing as you grabbed your backpack and the required uniform jacket before finally heading out. you took the small bit of advice that your orientation leader had given you and made sure to stick to it. 

“watch out for the boys on the team, they’re not what they seem.” 

you walked up towards the main entrance of the school and quickly made your way to the office to get a few papers you needed to turn in to the teacher before class started. 

after struggling a bit to find your homeroom, you walked in to see everyone’s eyes on you. your face went warm with embarrassment as you immediately went to talk to the teacher. she gave you a run down of a few things before introducing you to the students that were in the class. 

unfortunately for you, you came to the sudden realization that Oikawa and one of the other boys that was with him before class were in your homeroom. you just hoped that if this was like your other schools, you wouldn’t be with them all day. 

“new girl!” Oikawa exclaimed as you sighed as your head fell to the desk behind you in annoyance, “leave her alone Shittykawa, can’t you tell that she doesn’t want to talk to you?”

you gave replied with a thank you before going back to the bell work the teacher assigned and not bothering a second glance Oikawa or his very attractive friend. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but wonder why you weren’t you cracking like the other girls did for him. Iwaizumi on the other hand was able to put two and two together. 

he watched as you looked at the time and back to your school work every so often. Iwaizumi just figured that the reason why he kept looking at you was because you were the new girl. totally not because he thought you were cute. 

once you realized that the half day mark came and lunch time finally started, you took your lunch from your backpack and munched on it while you looked over the options for after school clubs. 

girls tennis? boring. choir? even more boring. volleyball manager? the thought of dealing with Oikawa all day and now after school made you gag. 

you sighed realizing none of the school clubs sounded not even mildly appealing. you revised the list once more before realizing that the other manager position Aobajohsai was offering was for boy’s soccer. you scribbled your name down before handing it back to your teacher. 

Iwaizumi watched as you struggled with your decision and a part of him hoped that you would pick Volleyball but your hand wrote your name down for soccer and his small bit of hope faltered. 

you plugged your headphones into your phone before blaring your music as you ate your lunch and started your homework. you received a letter a few minutes later stating that the soccer team would need you after school to help them with setting up the field and getting to know your teammates. 

once the end of the day came and you were informed on where to go for your after school club, you saw as the boys for the volleyball team heading towards their gym. 

you could tell that Oikawa wanted to confront you but the same boy from your class and the team stopped him once again and kicked him in the back before shoving him inside of the gym. 

you knew that you would eventually have to thank him for helping you get away from the pretty boy. 

a few months passed as you got familiar with your surrounding and got adjusted to helping the boys with their club activities. even thought their season was active, you had to be there every day to help with trainings, practices, or scrimmage games. 

some of the boys on the team were also in your class so it was easy to just stick by them when breaks came up. 

to Iwaizumi, his infatuation for you became more and more prevalent to himself. there would be days where he would watch you from afar. he tried to remain as uncreepy as possible but he could sense that if you knew he was watching you, you would probably freak out. 

Iwai would watch as you would sing songs to yourself and although he didn’t understand most of what you said, seeing you sing and dance to yourself and along with your friends made his heart race. 

“hey, we have that weird school festival thingy coming up, right?” you asked one of the boys as he nodded, “are we doing anything to promote the club? we haven’t exactly spoken about it and as your team manager, I need to know what we’re planning on doing.” 

some of the boys sighed knowing the team struggled to come up with a theme every for this school festival. you thought for a moment before snapping your fingers, “what if we do a combined theme? we get another team and we play a scrimmage of their sport and ours!” you offered as you noticed all of their eyes light up. 

“you’re a genius!” your captain, Daisuke exclaimed, “but which team?” he asked before you noticed a few of them turn their heads to see the volleyball team walking out of their gym. 

“not the volleyball team, I’m begging!” you exclaimed as they started laughing, “we’re the top two teams in all of Seijoh, it’s going to be the volleyball team!” Daisuke muttered as he grabbed your hand and dragged you over to where the team was. 

by the time you reached them, your face was red but you were still holding Daisuke’s hand. Iwaizumi took notice and sighed figuring that of course you fell for your teams captain. it was inevitable that someone as cute as you would fall for someone so popular. 

“hey, we wanted to ask, do you guys have any plans for the fall festival?” Daisuke asked as Oikawa shook his head no, “she came up with the brilliant idea! what if we were to combine both of our teams and play a game of our sports against each other! one 20 minute game of soccer and one round of volleyball! it would promote both of Seijoh’s biggest teams!” 

Oikawa’s smirk fell to you, “ah, I knew the lovely lady would fall to our trap eventually,” Oikawa boasted as you growled, “didn’t I tell you, Daisuke? we should’ve teamed up with the boys basketball team instead,” you muttered as half the boys volleyball team gave you a surprising look. 

“we accept! we can meet up after our practices end and come up with ideas,” Oikawa replied as you rolled your eyes harder than you had ever felt, “fine, just drop your cocky attitude at the door,” you threatened before releasing yourself Daisuke’s hand and leaving to meet the rest of team. 

Iwaizumi could tell that maybe it wasn’t the team that you didn’t like, it for sure had to be Oikawa that you really didn’t like. 

-

after meeting up a few times with the boys on the volleyball team and creating a small stand, the day of the festival finally came. 

being that the other boys didn’t have a manager, Iwaizumi, admittedly took up the position to help you at the stand to reel in as many people to attend each others game. 

you were wearing the managers uniform which was more comfortable than you liked to admit. your uniform was the Seijoh blue athletic skirt with a white shirt that read ‘Seijoh Soccer’ on the side.

“hey, can you hand me that water bottle? I don’t want it to get cold,” you told Iwaizumi as he nodded, “thanks Iwai!” you murmured, not thinking of the nickname you just called him. 

Iwaizumi on the other hand did notice and felt himself blush. since both of you were working the stand, the two of you had to miss out on both games. you weren’t too upset at missing the games since Iwaizumi was keeping you company. 

“how long have you been playing volleyball?” you asked Iwaizumi, “since I was in middle school,” he replied as he dragged two barstools for the two of you to sit on, “that’s cool, have you always played with Oikawa?” he nodded again. 

“what made you move to Japan?” Iwaizumi asked as he tried to continue the conversation, “oh, just my parents. their job made them move and I really didn’t have choice, ya know?” you said a bit vaguely. 

as the two of you continued on with talking, you noticed how the sun was starting to set and how much time had passed. you had your arm resting on top of the ledge, as did Iwaizumi. 

you took a chance and softly felt up his hand with your fingers. Iwaizumi was surprised at the sudden affection and for a second, he wanted to intertwine his fingers with yours when he suddenly remembered, 

Daisuke. 

“aren’t you dating the captain of your team?” you immediately let out a laugh making Iwaizumi confused, “Daisuke? he wishes!” you managed to say, “oh god, that was the laugh of the day!” 

Iwaizumi was confused by your response as you tried to calm your laugh down. it took a while but eventually, you stopped laughing and gave Iwaizumi a small smile. 

“I am not dating Daisuke. I can assure you that!” you said as he gave you one final question, “so what was up with the hand holding a few weeks ago?” you thought as you realized what he was talking about. 

you grabbed his hand, this time a lot more gently than last time and gave it a squeeze, “he was just dragging me to the team because I didn’t want to go with him. I can assure you that there’s no feelings, at least on my part their isn’t,” you confessed as he smiled. 

Iwaizumi nodded as he gave your hand a squeeze before lifting it and kissing the back of it, “than is it okay if I ask you for ramen on Saturday?” he asked as you nodded yes, rather aggressively than you intended. 

not too far away was Oikawa groaning in annoyance. the girl he had tried so hard to befriend was stolen from right underneath him. stolen by his best friend. 

Oikawa didn’t mind it but he just wondered why you became putty in Iwaizumi’s hands so quickly yet you didn’t even give him a time of day. regardless, he was happy for his best friend nonetheless. 

just as he was about to head home, he watched Iwaizumi wrap his volleyball sweater around you and offered to walk you back home. there was a part of Oikawa’s heart that swelled. 

his best friend probably found his first love and hopefully, it remained at his only love. Oikawa knew you weren’t too fond of him but he knew that you were genuinely attracted to Iwaizumi and not using Iwai as a way to get closer to Oikawa.  

ALITA