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erin-bo-berin · 5 years ago

Text

The Game

MASTERLIST

I wrote this with season 13-15 Spencer in mind. The more confident Spencer that would shoot his shot (no pun intended) because this one gets a little crazy. But I’ve always imagined Spencer could be a little wild in bed at times, even be up for a game or two. ;)

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: Mature (smut)

Word Count: 4,888

Objective: Whoever can withstand any form of teasing the opposite partner dishes out, the longest, wins.

Rule 1: No sexual activities allowed i.e. no sex, foreplay or kissing on the lips.

Rule 2: Normal touches are allowed, no matter the body part.

Rule 3: You may tantalize in whatever forms you please as long as it doesn’t break rule number one.

Rule 4: The game is over whenever one party gives in to his/her desires.

Rule 5: Winner is treated to whatever they please (sexual or non sexual).

Let the game begin.

•

You and Spencer had this little game you liked to play occasionally. Simply nicknamed, The Game, it had become a part of your relationship. It wasn’t often that you played, but when you did it was always played with high intensity. Sometimes the game could get nasty.

Currently, you were in the middle of it.

Working at the FBI had not only tuned your attention to details, but it also made for a monotonous work schedule with little or no free time. Somehow with the invention of this game it seemed to spice things up both at work and in your relationship respectively.

It’d began the previous morning.

After a rough month of cases, there finally seemed to be a lull long enough for the entire unit to catch their breath. Staying so busy obviously led to little to no time for intimacy, so it had been a few weeks. This would make the game much more exciting. Spencer was competitive, always wanting to win and you had to hand it to him, he had won more times than he’d lost.

It was on the flight home when you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. Pulling it out, you saw a text from Spencer.

Ready to lose again?

You looked across the jet towards your seated boyfriend. He shot you a wink, knowing his request was automatically met with a yes.

That all you got pretty boy? I’m shaking.

You didn’t watch as he answered, instead you watched the three dots appear that indicated he was typing.

His answer was only three words.

You will be.

A tingle of desire shot through your body.

Bring it.

•

Today had started off slow enough. You had some work to catch up on so you’d arrived at work early. It was already a tough morning as Spencer had purposely slept shirtless the night before. It was early yet, but you somehow knew this time around things would be even more intense.

His personal best was 6 and a half days. That was as long as he’d lasted before you jumped his bones. This time you were determined to win.

Your glance at the clock revealed that it was 7 in the morning. You only had an hour and a half until the currently deserted bullpen would be filled with bustling activity. You picked up your mug and made your way to the coffee machine. That was something you and your boyfriend definitely had in common, you both ran on coffee.

You were just about to pour the leftover day old coffee down the sink drain when the sound of the doors opening startled you. You weren’t expecting Emily in until at least 7:45.

You yelped, jumping at the sudden noise, the coffee spilling all over your blouse. You heard the sound of chuckling.

“Great start to your morning, huh babe?” Spencer walked over, handing you some paper towels.

“What are you doing here so early?” you asked, blotting the stain.

He shrugged, “Just felt like being extra productive today.”

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously. It was more likely he thought it would be a good opportunity to mess with you.

“Uh huh,” you said disbelievingly, “Thanks for making me ruin my shirt.”

“Anytime,” he grinned, walking away from you and towards his desk.

“Damnit,” you mumbled, realizing you wouldn’t be able to blot this stain away.

If you were lucky, you might have a spare shirt in your go bag. You paused, an idea forming in your mind. Since you were sure Spencer had an agenda of his own, you decided to pay back the favor.

“Spence?” you called across the room, “Is my go bag still by your desk?”

Your fingers unbutton your ruined shirt, trying hard to keep the smirk off your face. It was an ingenious idea, really.

“Yeah, why?” His back was still turned to you, his attention on the files he was flipping through.

“Can you grab my extra shirt please? I’ll just wear that today instead.”

You walked to his desk, your shirt dangling out of one hand, your upper torso clad in only your bra. The moment he turned to hand you the garment, his jaw about hit the floor.

“Figured it’d be faster to just change here. You don’t mind, do you?” you smile sweetly.

“That isn’t going to work,” he muttered, forcing his eyes back to the file after you took the shirt from him.

You shrugged, purposely leaning across the desk when you kissed his cheek to thank him, so he could get an eye full of your cleavage. Lucky for you this bra was just a hair too snug and you had to admit, your boobs looked amazing today.

“Get to work big boy, it’s gonna be a looong day” you called, pulling the shirt on as you walked away.

•

“Kid, I see the wheels turning. Just spit it out already,” Rossi said.

The team was currently in the middle of working a case, everyone working their hardest to catch the unsub. Everyone was spread around the briefing room, you at the round table with JJ and Penelope. Your boyfriend stood in front of the boards that held all the case information, one hand resting on his chin as he studied the information laid out in front of him.

You never knew how, but there was a place Spencer went when he thought. He would space out and focus on nothing but the problem at hand. It was always extremely attractive to you.

“Okay, I think I’ve figured out his pattern. He started in the western part of Virginia right? Then headed to—”

You’re not gonna lie, you ended up missing over half of what he said. You loved when he showed off his knowledge and that brain of his, even just in his job. Your eyes wandered as he talked, eyes lingering on his hands. They moved with his words and you couldn’t help but think of other places those hands had been rather than just used at a crime scene or flipping through case files.

“Right, Y/N?”

You were completely zoned out and missed the fact you were being spoken to.

“Y/N?”

You snap out of it, realizing the entire team was staring at you awaiting the answer to JJ’s question.

“Oh uh- sorry. What was that?”

“I asked if you received the coroner’s report from the latest victim.”

“Right, yes.” You pull out a paper from a file and hand it over to her.

“I know your man is dreamy and all Y/N, but you gotta stop zoning out,” Penelope smirked to herself.

“Hush,” you chuckled quietly, turning back to the rest of the team.

Apparently she wasn’t the only one to notice your staring. Spencer’s smirk made your stomach flip. You weren’t going to let him win again.

•

An unspoken rule of the game was that when it was time to focus strictly on the case, you obviously did. The game would be put on hold until the case was finished. It was one of those days where you were rushing against the clock to catch the killer.

The team was split up, everyone doing different tasks. You, Spencer and Matt were currently sat around a table trying to make connections with an old case, to the one you were currently working on. It seemed to be the same M.O.

“In 1989 Lila Long was found dead on the doorstep of her house,” Matt said, laying out the photo once again, “Stabbed 14 times.”

You nodded, chewing on your lip while you thought. It was presumed that she managed to escape the unsub who had grabbed her just blocks from her home. She had managed to make it to her front door where she died. It was unclear whether the unsub had caught up to her and stabbed her again or if she had succumbed to her injuries.

“I don’t think he found her again, as there isn’t any blood splatter here,” Spencer motioned to the picture, gesturing at the door, “We know there would be a specific pattern, but it was never recorded for sure because of the amount of blood found there.”

“Fast forward 30 odd years and another woman shows up dead on her doorstep in the same neighborhood,” you say, setting the most recent crime scene picture next to the older one.

“Rosalie Brewer, 51, blonde hair, blue eyes,” Matt reads off the file, “Exact same type of injuries, a dozen or so stabbings.”

“Are we sure it’s not just a copycat? The story does seem to be the local legend. Maybe someone decided to recreate the murder?” you ask, tapping your pen.

“I don’t think so.” Spencer rubs his jaw; you can tell his mind is whirring.

Matt and Spencer throw around some theories, your eyes focusing on Spencer’s fingers twirling his pencil as he thought.

Maybe because it’d been a longer dry spell of no intimacy than normal for you, but your thoughts automatically turned sexual. Memories of how those long, slender fingers of his had traced your bare skin flashes through your mind. How they’ve dug into your hips and slid down your thighs before parting them and—

You snap yourself back to reality quickly. Now is definitely not the time to be thinking of such things but damnit did it set your stomach churning in desire. Thankfully, a distraction came in the nick of time.

“Guys, we have a suspect!” Luke rushed into the room, Emily on his heels, “I think he just might be our unsub.”

“Garcia’s on the phone with intel,” Emily set her phone on the table for all of us to hear.

“So, turns out, Lila Long has a son. Yes my dears, you heard me right. Apparently she gave birth secretly 18 years prior to her death while out of the country. She gave said baby up for adoption and never looked back. Fast forward 18 years later little Adam, all grown up, goes looking for mommy dearest and let me tell you it wasn’t for a nice and cozy reunion. According to his adoptive mother he was always a difficult child with a very bad temper. It was so alarming to his adoptive parents that they made him see a therapist. The therapist notes that he showed bipolar symptoms, had a definite anger problem and at times seemed unhinged and out of touch with reality. It wasn’t until after his 18th birthday that he found out the true story about his birth mother; that she’d basically left the country to have him, secretly give him up for adoption and come back to the States like it never happened.”

“Let me guess,” you said, “That didn’t bode well with him?”

“Right you are. Adoptive parents said he made passing remarks about “hunting down the bitch”. They knew he was angry about how he came to be adopted but they never suspected he’d actually find her and kill her.”

“But he did,” Emily said.

“But how does that relate to our current case, Garcia?” Spencer asked.

“Get this: Rosalie Brewer was Lila Kong’s best friend and helped arrange for her to have her child in secret and even found the adoptive family. She just moved back to the neighborhood a few months ago. There was a witness report in the police files that she’d been seen at a local coffee shop talking to a man that no one seemed to recognize.”

Garcia rattled off the description of the man and sent over a picture of Adam. It was a dead ringer. Everything was a go from there.

•

Hours later, the case had come to a close. Adam, who had turned out to be the correct unsub had had so much resentment toward his birth mother and her best friend—accompanied with his unstable mental health—decided to hunt them down and kill them in cold blood. The reason for the 30 year difference between murders was the fact he hadn’t discovered Rosalie’s existence and role in the secret adoption until he was much older. In his mind, the job wasn’t complete until she, too, was dead.

You were exhausted; physically and mentally. He gave up pretty quickly and it could’ve been a worse take down, but the prior days of working hard had taken a toll. Currently, you were relaxing in one of the chairs on the jet, a blanket pulled over you. You thought you were the only one awake, when you heard your phone buzz in your lap, underneath the blanket.

You retrieved it and open a text message from Spencer.

Don’t think I didn’t notice you staring at my hands today.

Another text popped up.

Don’t forget what I can do with them, sweetheart.

Like you could.

You text back, ignoring his provocative texts.

Come over here and keep me company. I’m lonely and cold.

A buzz came slower this time.

Giving in already? Thought you’d last longer than this.

You typed your answer at lightning speed.

In your dreams, Dr. Reid.

You hear a soft chuckle as he walks over to join you in the seat next to you.

“Why are you even still awake?” you asked.

“Just wide awake. You?”

“Same.”

It’s quiet for a bit and you’re sure he’s asleep when you hear him shift positions next to you, alerting you that he’s still just as awake as you are.

A wicked smile slowly spreads across your face as you get an idea. You’re grateful for the dark so he can’t see your expression clearly or predict what’s coming.

“Spence?” Your hand rests on his knee gently, innocently as if it’s just a typical lingering affection.

“Mhm?”

He looks over at you and you can barely see the outline of his face in the darkness.

“Remember the mile high club?” you asked nonchalantly, as if you were simply chatting about the weather.

“The mile high club?” he repeats, clearly confused.

“You know,” you bite your lip, even though you’re not sure he can see it and lower your voice just in case anyone else happened to be awake.

“That time on the way home from a case? When you were having a little problem?”

Your hand slides barely an inch upward and you hear his sharp intake of breath, whether from your touch or the memory you’re unsure.

It had been before the game had been invented. Spencer was extra worked up that day on the way home from a case, so you decided to sneak into the jet bathroom with him to give him some help.

“When I gave you a blow job right there in the jet bathroom?” Your voice is low, your lips by his ear.

“I-I remember,” he croaked.

“That was extremely hot. Trying to make sure you stayed quiet so no one heard us.”

Your hand slides up his thigh and you smirk satisfactorily when you hear his breath hitch.

“But I could tell how hard it was for you. All you wanted to do was moan my name out loud and grab my head to push me farther down on you.”

He’s silent, his breathing becoming heavier. You’re turning him on and it feels good to be winning for once. You’re not one to dirty talk much, but for this situation, you were pulling out the big guns.

“Admit it. Part of you wanted the entire jet to know just how good it felt with my pretty little lips wrapped around your cock, driving you absolutely insane.”

A low groan escaped his lips and you find yourself having to muster up all the strength you have not to kiss them right then. His hand grabs your wrist, stopping your hand from moving any further.

“Give up now and you can have your way with me when we get home,” you grin triumphantly.

“Never.”

He places your hand back in your lap, before moving to get up.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a matter to sort out,” he grumbles, making his way back to the bathroom.

You can’t help it, you laugh as he half limps toward the back of the jet.

You didn’t see him for quite awhile after that.

•

“Gotta admit Spencer, I’m impressed you’ve held on for this long.”

It’d been only a week. Usually the games were over pretty quickly as one—usually yourself—gave in after only a few days. But you were so determined to crack him.

“That’s just because you have no idea what I have up my sleeve. Points for you for getting creative lately though.”

You snickered. His most recent jet bathroom escapade had involved him and his hand only.

“I’m still waiting to see what you got.”

He was picking up files to be delivered to Emily’s office when he turned and nodded to your phone.

“I’d check your phone if I were you.”

Your brows furrowed, confused as you reached for your mobile device. You press the home button, lighting up the screen to reveal a slew of messages from Spencer, which seems to include several pictures.

Opening them, you see that it’s a variety of selfies only showing his face from the nose down, his lips the center of attention in every one. The last message was actual text.

I seem to recall your little fascination with my lips. Thought you might enjoy. You especially like it when they’re in other areas too.

You could kill him. It was one of your weaknesses, that’s for sure. You look up and see he’s halfway to Emily’s office now.

“Not gonna work!” you hollered towards him and he sends back a huge grin as if he knew you’re full of shit.

Which you are because now you’re beginning to weaken. But you’re still far from giving up.

You get him back at lunch.

You’re eating at your desk with your legs propped up, clearly giving Spencer a good view of them. He’s purposely ignoring you though, doing paperwork, much to your amusement.

You finish your sandwich and reach for the banana you’d packed earlier that morning. You’d been wanting to try this one ever since the game began for the first time. He just happens to glance up as you finish peeling your banana and you shoot him a wink and give a sly, suggestive lick to the side of the banana.

His tongue flicks over his lips as his eyes flicker from your mouth to your eyes, the determination still strong in them. The desire is there alright, the will to give up, is not.

•

Fuck you, Spencer. No actually, fuck me.

The thought floats across your mind. It’s another day at the Behavioral Analysis Unit but damnit if Spencer doesn’t look extra good today.

He always looks good in his work suits and ties, but this one is beyond belief. Or it may just be the fact that you’re wound up and in need of release, but you’re pretty much drooling from afar.

His pants were probably the best part cause his ass looked amazing in them. You’re pretty sure if any of your other teammates were to notice you staring at your boyfriend across the room they’d see you practically in a puddle of your own drool.

“You’re not playing that game again are you?”

You jump at the sound of JJ’s voice nearly sending your pile of files, documents and paperwork flying off your desktop. You turn around in your chair to see her standing at the edge of your desk, an arched brow and amused expression on her face.

JJ was the only one of the team you’d actually relinquished details to about your teasing escapades. Being the one female you were closest to on the team, sometimes sex life talk came up and it slipped out once. She found it creative and intriguing, saying it was never a bad thing to spice things up. But now, apparently you’d been a bit too obvious.

“How’d you know? Is it that obvious?”

“Not exactly. But it was my first guess when I saw you ogling Spence like a dog after a steak.”

You chuckle snort, the simile quite an accurate description of yourself.

“Yes, but the stakes are high this time. It’s been over a month since the last time we..you know had time for anything.”

“By all means, continue on. Win this one for us ladies,” she joked, heading for the stairs.

I plan on it.

•

Okay, so, that plan is not going so well after all.

It’s a slower day than normal and it’s barely past lunchtime. Spencer isn’t even actively doing anything other than existing and you feel like jumping out of your skin. How the hell he’s keeping his cool is beyond your comprehension.

You glance at your phone when you notice it light up in the corner of your eyes.

Hey, Y/N.

Are you a tardis?

Your brow raises and you reply.

A what?

A time machine. Just stick with me here.

Another text arrives while you’re still reading his initial reply.

Because I’ve heard being inside you will take me to magical places.

You stifle a giggle.

That’s a pick up line made for you, Spencer.

Ooh baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive.

You laugh out loud causing a few agents to glance in your direction and you quickly hush.

Give me the chance and I’d be happy to turn that floppy disk into a hard drive.

The gray dots linger on your screen from some time before his answer comes.

Well, shit.

You can feel Spencer’s eyes on you all afternoon and you’re entirely grateful that you decided to wear the nicest, form fitting skirt you own along with a button down that shows just the perfect amount of cleavage to still be considered professional.

You cross the room to make copies and you feel his eyes follow you making you shiver. It’s been 12 days since the game started, a personal record for the both of you. The sexual tension between you and Spencer is so high you’re sure it’s gonna boil over at the most inopportune time.

Instead of focusing on reports you need to file, your daydreams have become more prominent. All you want is him and you want him bad. You’re on the verge of begging just to be able to feel the amount of bliss he puts you in.

You almost groan out loud when you hear Emily ask him if he minds staying a little later to finish up the final reports. You’re not really up to being home alone so you decide to stay with him until he’s finished.

The number of people in the bullpen starts to dwindle until it’s just you and Spencer left. You’re swiveling in your chair, watching him, his face a mask of determination, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth.

Oh, how much you want those lips on yours, on your skin, those hands roaming your body, squeezing the right places. To have his body pressed close against yours, so close that you can feel his erratic breathing and spiked heart rate against your own chest. You wanted him to make you moan, make you scream even, the building was practically empty at this hour anyway.

You weren’t sure when you got up, but you were halfway toward him when you croaked his name weakly.

Whether it was because of your tone of voice or he just could sense it, he looked up, jaw going slack when he saw your shirt half unbuttoned, your fingers fumbling on the bottom half.

“You win alright?”

In a quick as lighting movement, he’d stood, picked you up and deposited you on his desk, his lips firmly attached to yours.

“Let’s call it a truce, okay?” he murmured against your lips before resuming kissing you.

The kisses were hot and wild, all the pent up sexual frustration being released finally. His teeth scraped over your bottom lip, tugging on it gently before twirling his tongue simultaneously with your own. Your shirt was all the way unbuttoned and your bra pulled down before you comprehended Spencer performing the actions.

He moaned into the kiss, his hands cupping your breasts. You automatically arched into his touch, lavishing in it after going so long without it. His thumbs rubbed over your nipples eliciting a ragged moan from you. Your inhibitions were out the window at this point and you could care less what you sounded like, you just wanted more of him.

“If I knew you’d be this reactive to me, I would torture you more often,” he smirked, leaning down to place his lips around one nipple, sucking gently.

“Oh my god,” you moaned, a hand tangled into his hair.

It was like you were super sensitive to his touch because every little thing he did set your nerve endings on fire. You were throbbing with need and he was enjoying this way too much.

“You son of a bitch, you’re enjoying this aren’t you?” you half growled, pulling his face back up towards yours, pressing a kiss to his sharp jawline, attempting to kiss him again.

“I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about,” he grinned wickedly, denying your lips of his.

His hand pressed flat against your stomach, pushing you backwards on his desk while hiking up your skirt. His lips pressed against the soft skin of your inner thigh as his hands spread your legs and pushed your panties to the side.

“Spencer, please- fuck,” you moaned, his tongue licking a slow path up you.

“Oh I’ll get to that eventually, just you wait,” he chuckled.

Your ability to form coherent words had vanished, so no remark came in response from you. All you could focus on was his mouth on you and that you wanted more.

You could’ve killed him when he stopped just on the brink of your undoing.

“Darling, if I had to listen to you much longer I would’ve been done for,” he commented, kissing you again, helping you unfasten his pants before you climb in his lap.

The mutual feeling of ecstasy was all over both your faces the moment you lowered yourself down on him. You vowed then to always let him win the game after this because this was too amazing to miss out on.

“Oh fuck, Y/N, fucking hell,” he groaned into your neck, his slight stubble scratching against your neck giving you chills.

It was rough and border animalistic, your lust and need for each other more than either of you could handle. Your hips rocked roughly against his, fingers digging into his biceps. Your eyes may have rolled back in your head at one point.

One hand is on the small of your back to steady you as you move up and down on him, your back arched as the pleasure rippled down your spine. His lips trail down your exposed throat, marking you as his, his other hand squeezing your hip.

Your hands grip the back of his chair to aid you in your rougher and harder movements as your orgasm builds, the sensation of a pit of lava in your stomach increasing.

A sheen of sweat coats his forehead, stray pieces of his brown curls sticking to his forehead. Your own hair has partially come out of its ponytail, stray pieces hanging in your face. His hand moves from your hip pushing some stray strands from your face before giving you a brief kiss.

His own release is quickly approaching as his head falls back against the back of his chair, teeth scraping his bottom lip.

“Oh yes, baby, yes,” he growls deep in his throat.

A hand snakes towards your core, his thumb circling your clit. Your climax hits you hard and fast causing your vision to nearly go white. Your breath catches, interrupting your ragged moan of his name.

He lets himself go then, his groans filling the empty room, his expression of blissful pleasure the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen him do.

As you ride out the aftershocks, his lips return to yours, kissing you more gently this time, the action full of love. Your hips have slowed then stilled when he breaks the kiss.

“God, you’re amazing,” he whispers, nudging his nose playfully against yours.

You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck so you can stay in his lap for a moment longer before you have to stand and clean yourself up.

“I think I have a new rule for the game,” you commented.

“What’s that?”

“Spencer always wins.”

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king-finnigan · 5 years ago

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Play With Fire - part 2

People really seemed to want a sequel to the Geraskier Prison AU drabble I wrote yesterday, and I actually really loved the idea. So I did it, I wrote a sequel. And I will definitely write more cause I’m already loving this.

Title from Play With Fire by Sam Tinnesz.

(FYI, if you want to be tagged in the next parts so you get a notification when they come out, let me know! Leave a comment or DM me or send me an ask, or something like that)

***

He stands there, frozen in the middle of his bedroom, hand still ghosting the place where his badge should’ve been. He’s not sure what to do - should he go back to the prison immediately and corner Jaskier, demanding his badge back? Or should he wait until the morning? Who knows what the little shit could do in the meantime, though, but if Geralt returns to the prison now, he’s sure to attract attention from the higher-ups, and he’ll have to explain the situation, certainly costing him his job.

He startles out of his thoughts when his phone rings, and something sinks in the pit of his stomach when he sees that it’s his boss. With trembling hands, he picks up, raising the phone to his ear.

“Mr. Palmer, how can I h-”

“One of the inmates has escaped.” Geralt closes his eyes, silently cursing himself as panic and horror wash over him. His boss continues: “And we know he used your badge to escape, since it’s been used after you left.”

“Sir, I-”

“You have five minutes to explain yourself, Rivia.”

Geralt wipes a hand over his face, swallowing thickly. Of course he can’t just say what happened - that would surely get him arrested. After all, getting into sexual situations with inmates is highly illegal, for good reason - cause shit like this might happen. He blinks, trying to come up with a credible story, when he remembers - hazily - the few minutes before... well...

“He was looking for a pencil. A yellow one, he said. He refused to leave, so I made a compromise that if we found the pencil, he would go to the dining room. He must’ve nicked my badge when we were looking for it.”

It’s quiet for a few moments on the other end of the line, and Geralt feels his heartbeat in his throat, hard and fast.

“Look, sir, I am so sorry,” he continues, when the silence becomes unbearable, “I know I screwed up and I take full responsibility, I-”

“Oh, rest assured, Mr. Rivia,” his boss interrupts him, voice cold, “there will be consequences. Later. For now, get your ass back here. We’ve got a prisoner to catch.”

Mr. Palmer hangs up. Geralt sinks down on his bed, head in his hands, as the weight of the situation hits him. Not only is he certainly going to lose his job, and he probably won’t ever find another one after a screw-up of this magnitude, but now there’s also a murderer on the loose in the outside world, and any casualties that may come from that are his responsibility, his fault.

He curses himself for being so stupid, for being so careless. Not only did he fall for the tricks Jaskier played on him, but he also didn’t notice his badge missing until it was way too late. He sighs again, getting up, getting ready to go back to the prison and face what he’s done.

---

Four days later, the police find a dead man in a bar, stabbed in the neck with a broken beer bottle. The witnesses describe the murderer as a lean, young man, with brown hair, brilliant blue eyes, and a wicked grin.

Sure enough, they find Jaskier’s fingerprints on the neck of the bottle.

---

Two days after that, Geralt is sitting in an armchair, looking out of the window into the black night, lost in his thoughts.

Though the manhunt has been going on for six days now, they still haven’t found a trace of the prisoner - except for the dead body he left behind. No one seems to have seen him, and it’s almost like he just disappeared into thin air.

And it’s all Geralt’s fault, he knows. He’s sure to face some grave consequences the minute they capture Jaskier - if they capture Jaskier.

He frowns, pulled out of his thoughts when his phone rings. The caller ID simply says ‘unknown number’ and he blinks for a second, unsure of who it could be, before he picks up.

“Geralt Rivia,” he says.

“Good evening, sir.” He freezes, hands going numb, face slack, as he recognizes the voice that drawls into his ear.

“You,” he hisses. “Why are you calling me?”

“Oh, my, I thought you would be happy to hear from me.”

Geralt snarls. “Why the hell would I be happy?”

He can practically hear Jaskier shrug, before he hears a sigh on the other end of the phone. “It gets so lonely out here, you know that?” Another sigh. “I can’t stop thinking about the last time we saw each other.”

“When you stole my fucking badge and ruined my life?” He can’t keep the bite out of his voice. Rationally, he knows that if he sweet-talks Jaskier, he might get a hint about the young man’s whereabouts, but he’s too angry to take that into consideration, right now.

Jaskier sighs again, almost wistfully. “No, when you rutted against me like a wild animal. Too bad we were interrupted, I really would’ve liked to see what would’ve happened if we hadn’t been.”

Geralt closes his eyes, grinding his teeth as he tries to push away the memories of that evening, to suppress the slight arousal that stirs in him. He decides to change the subject.

“That man at the bar. Why’d you do it? Did he recognize you?”

Jaskier chuckles, low and deep. “No, he didn’t. As a matter of fact, I could’ve walked out of there and no one would’ve known that I was there that evening.”

“Then why?”

“He and his friends were talking about my wonderful little escape, and he said that the guard who’d let that happen was a moron. I couldn’t let that slide, of course.”

Geralt frowns, as the words start sinking in. “You killed him because he insulted me?”

“Why, yes,” he can practically hear the grin Jaskier must be wearing right now, “I knew you’d understand.”

“I- No, I don’t ‘understand’. You killed someone.”

“Yes, yes,” Jaskier sounds impatient, as if he doesn’t know what the fuss is about, “I killed someone. But I did it for you.”

Geralt sits there, frozen in his armchair, mind racing yet completely standing still at the same time. “Why? Why for me?”

“Because I love you.” Jaskier says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and Geralt frowns, wiping a hand over his face.

“No, you don’t. Killing for someone is not love. You barely even know me.”

“Don’t I?” Jaskier laughs again, softly, sincerely, voice like smooth silk against Geralt’s skin. “I know you only drink one cup of coffee in the morning because your stomach can’t handle more. I know you take said coffee with a lot of milk and three sugars, because you don’t like the bitter taste. You don’t like spice, either, you have a sensitive tongue. I know you wish you could get a dog, but the days at the prison are too long, and you don’t have the money. I know you’re senstive about the colour of your hair and eyes. I know your favourite colour is blue. I know you like my eyes because of that. I know you’re attracted to me, at the very least, and maybe you love me as well, but I’m not sure of that just yet-”

“Stop it,” Geralt says, face in one hand, the other trembling as he holds the phone to his ear, elbows on his knees.

Jaskier continues, unbothered. “I know you’d fuck me into next week if you had the chance-”

“Enough!” Geralt barks, taking deep, labored breaths. “Enough,” he says again, voice weak.

“Do you believe me now?” Jaskier asks, voice soft, sincere.

“Yes,” Geralt lies. “I believe you.”

“You’re a terrible liar, love.”

“Please,” Geralt whispers, voice laced with the pain and uncertainty he feels in his chest, “please just surrender. Go to the nearest police station, give yourself up. Please.”

Jaskier chuckles again. “I don’t think I will, love. I’m enjoying the outside world too much, and I just don’t feel like being stuck in a prison for the rest of my life.”

“It’s not for the rest of your life.”

“Oh, love, we both know it is. I’ve killed two people now, soon to be three, and we both know they’re never going to let me out, if I give myself up.”

Geralt frowns, lowering his hand from his eyes. “Wait. Soon to be three?”

Jaskier sighs, almost mournfully. “I have to go now, love. Until soon.”

“Wait!” Geralt shouts, panic building in his stomach. “What do you mean, soon to be three? Jaskier!” The phone clicks, and starts beeping incessantly into Geralt’s ear. Jaskier’s hung up.

He resists the urge to throw his phone across the room, laying it on the table next to him, putting his head in his hands.

Soon to be three. The words echo around his mind. Soon to be three.

---

Well enough, two days later, the cops find the body of Mr. Palmer, Geralt’s boss, sitting on the couch in his own living room, throat cut, eyes open and unseeing, staring ahead.

They find a little note next to the body, Jaskier’s fingerprints all over it. ‘He won’t be bothering you anymore,’ it says. One of the cops asks Geralt if he knows what it means.

Geralt lies and says that he doesn’t.

He later finds out that Mr. Palmer never told anyone that Jaskier used Geralt’s badge to escape. Though, he knows it won’t be long until someone else finds out, knows he’ll get fired and probably arrested at some point, now that there are two people dead because of his inattention.

Someone else will figure out what happened, he knows, and Geralt dreads the day Jaskier finds out who it is.

#geralt of rivia #jaskier #geraskier #play with fire #prison au #shits getting intense now huh #either way i loved writing this #don't worry there will be smut soon #lots of it #cw blood #cw murder

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #287

“keep him tied - it makes him well / he’s getting better, can’t you tell?”

What are you favorite things to watch on YouTube? I like a pretty big variety now. I’d say I’ve been mostly into pet YouTubers lately, especially reptile ones. Oh, and WoW stuff. Can you pick out any constellations in the sky without looking them up online? Besides the Little or Big Dipper (idk which is which), nope. Are you religious? If so, what influenced you to start believing God? If you’re not religious, what convinces you there is no God? I wouldn’t call myself religious, no. I do believe there’s some kind of ultimate power, but hell if I know what it is, and I don’t actually worship it. I don’t believe any “good” god would demand kissing its feet in order for you to end at peace, among a billion other reasons. I believe there is something though because the odds of life and everything is just… too perfect. Plus I believe in the paranormal, so to me, there is obviously something beyond the mortal form. Is there any animal out there that genuinely terrifies you? Is this an animal you’re worried about coming across in daily life? I am terrified of ticks and parasites in general. They’re fucking disgusting. Maggots will also make me scream. Oh, and then there’s whale sharks. In my daily life, I wouldn’t say there’s any that I actively worry about crossing paths with. When was the last time you wore make-up? Around Halloween when Summer, me, and another of her friends did a witch-themed photoshoot. It really fucking sucks that it was so dark by the time we were done that the pictures came out absolutely awful. You can’t see shit, and of course on camera, I look absolutely awful. Have you ever worn colored contacts? No, but I’m totally not opposed for a cool photoshoot. Have you seen any of the Disney re-makes (eg. Aladdin or The Lion King)? What do you think of them? I’ve seen a good number, and I really like them. I think The Jungle Book remake was the best of them. How long did it take you to pass your driving test once you started learning how to drive? Ha, I still haven’t tried. When was the last time you went out for a formal occasion or event? Do you remember what you wore? Uhhhh… I have zero clue. Well, does my last job interview count? I just wore black sweatpants and some kind of formal top. How often do you have the TV on? is it more background noise or are you actually watching things? Y’all know by now that I don’t watch TV. Do you like any songs by Elvis Presley? Well of course. “Devil In Disguise” is my favorite. Do you ever answer the phone to unknown numbers? Nope. Do you eat anything special for breakfast on Christmas Day? Nah. When you go to theme parks, what’s your favorite type of ride? I haven’t been to a theme park in beyond forever, so idk. Are you afraid of falling in love? Ohhhhh yes. Expecting something to change in the next month? No. e_e What is your biggest worry in life right now? That Mom’s cancer will come back. Well, it IS going to eventually flare somewhere else, but no one can estimate when. Could be tomorrow. Could be years. Do you give up easily? It depends. With a lot of things, honestly, yes, because I get upset with my incompetence. What are you listening to? "Going To Hell" by The Pretty Reckless just came on. Is anything bothering you right now? Always. Were you ever made fun of? Yes. Are you currently jealous? I’ve been having episodes of it. Do you find piercings attractive on the opposite sex? I find them attractive on almost all people. Who was the last person you yelled at? I don’t know. Probably Mom. What do you say a lot? “Mood,” “lmao,” “can’t relate,” “same,” “oof,” “yikes,” shit like that, haha. What is your favorite place you have traveled? Chicago. Do you like ice cream? Yeah, that’s my comfort food. Do you like bananas? Yeah, but I don’t dare to eat one if I haven’t had my heartburn medication, because otherwise I get it BADLY. Do you like Paramore? A handful of their songs, yeah. I don’t know a lot though, honestly. Do you plan on getting married? It’d be nice. Ever been given a promise ring? No. Sexual orientation? Bi. Who do you text the most? Definitely Sara. Do you still talk to the person who hurt you most in life? Why or why not? No, because he wants nothing to do with me. I don’t blame him. Have you ever given your number to a complete stranger? Um, no. Well, besides in like, job applications. What color is your keyboard? Black. Your mouse? Mostly black, but it does have this crackled pattern that can glow blue or red. Desktop or laptop? I prefer laptops for mobility’s sake. Do you like sweet tea? I hate tea. How much sugar do you put in your tea? ^ Have you ever called someone useless? Wow, no. Do you have a wood or glass dining room table? Wood. Do you tend to get attached easily? HOLY GOD OF FUCK, YES. Is Joe Jonas really hotter than Nick? I haven’t seen either in god knows how long, but I remember I thought Nick was very cute. Favorite flavor pudding? Chocolate is the only kind I’ve enjoyed. Not that I’ve tried a lot. What are three words used in your area/dialect that many other areas/dialects wouldn't be familiar with? Oh, there are most certainly some, but I can’t think of any right now. How do you feel when your partner is talking to an ex? This would depend on a lot of things. What is the most expensive gift you have ever given? Received? Given, I’m really unsure. I answer enough questions sharing that I don’t have my own source of income, so a lot of times, my mom lets me use her money, but there is obviously a ceiling to how much I can use. Received, definitely my Sager laptop Jason got me one year. Do children like you? I’m always surprised that kids seem to… I don’t know how the hell to interact with kids, but parents tend to tell me that they do like me. If you found your child's diary would you read it? What if you found the diary of one of your parents? Hell no would I read that shit. Both deserve privacy. Have you ever stalked or killed a wild animal? Fuck no. Name something you are now prepared to reveal about yourself that you weren't ready to talk about in the past? The state of my virginity. Name a talent someone has of which you are jealous: I am soooo envious of talented and actually successful photographers. What would you most likely complain about in a hotel? Probably if the bed sheets seemed dirty. Is it possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time? Probably. I’m monogamous though, so I really can’t say because I haven’t experienced this. Do you often feel pressured by others? Society, yes. Should couples live together before marriage? I feel that it’s the better decision, yes. You may not blend well actually sharing the same house. You learn things about your partner. How would you feel attending the wedding of an ex? It would depend on the person. Girt or Sara? I would love to. As a matter of fact, I better be invited lmao. Jason? I couldn’t in ten trillion years. Fiction or nonfiction. I strongly prefer fiction. Can you can lie with a straight face? Yes, if it’s something little. Name three things you have experienced that would shock your parents: Probably just sexual stuff. Do you believe in using the silent treatment? No. I’ve sure done it before, but I’d like to think I’ve grown out of this. Communication is where it’s at. Your most embarrassing thought: *shrug* Your most prejudiced thought: I don’t know. I don’t think I’m very prejudiced. A shameful moment for you: The situation w/ Joel. The biggest gamble of your life: Deciding to drop out of college the last time. Who knows if that was a good choice or not… It’s too early to tell. What is your greatest weakness as a friend? Idk off the top of my head, but I’m sure there’s something. Do you feel better when you have a tan? Nah, I like being pale. I did go through a period in HS of using tanning lotion on my legs though because I was self-conscious of JUST how pale they were. Do you sometimes enjoy being mean? ”I don’t think so. Maybe like... in certain contexts. Like being mean in video games can be really fun sometimes, haha. And being a little mean in a kink setting can be fun too.” <<<< This. Are you high maintenance? Definitely not. Has anybody ever told you that you’re too young to be in love? I think my dad has, just indirectly. Did you learn anything from the last BIG mistake you made? Yes. Do you have a favorite brand of shoes? Yeah, Converse. Do you like rollercoasters with big drops? I’m afraid of rollercoasters so have never been on one. Do you have any inside jokes with your parents? Not really. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for somebody? I don’t think so? Do you know who your mom’s favorite singer is? Oh, she’s totally obsessed with James Hetfield/Metallica. What year were you born in? 1996. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering, even though I was never great at it or totally understood all the rules. I just adore the artwork, and I like the detailed tactics behind it. Have you ever tried to surf? Nah. Do you want to learn? Nah. Have you ever had a song dedicated to you? What was it? Let’s not with this. What color eyes does your best friend have? Brown. Have you ever been on a blind date? Nah. Which one of your family members do you wish you could see more often? My brother and his son. I got really close to my nephew the last time they visited for a few days. What room in your house is the messiest? Right now, the extra bedroom that I want to make my dayroom. A lot of our “extra” stuff is just shoved into there. Have you ever requested a song on the radio? No. Are you proud of your parents? Yes. Have you ever (accidentally or not) set off a car alarm? I think I accidentally have before. Do you have dimples when you smile? Yes, way more prominently on my left cheek though. Do you find graveyards scary? No. They’re peaceful to me. Have you ever carved anything into a tree? I don’t think so. Do you read those celebrity gossip magazines? Ew, no. Celebs deserve privacy. Do you give or get advice more often? Well considering I’m in therapy, probably get. Did the last type of shoes you wore have laces? No. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? FUCK no. When was the last time somebody hit on you? Idr. Which one of your friends do you feel most comfortable around? Sara. What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Just pass me the rolls lmao. Who did you last spoon with? My cat lmao. What was the last video game you played? I don’t recall the last console game I played, so does World of Warcraft count, even tho it’s a computer game? When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Ha, my mom will sometimes. Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise? Very much so. I suffer (and I DO mean “suffer”) from insane hyperhidrosis, so I sweat my ass off if I so much as twitch, if even that. I just hate feeling gross. Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement? No, honestly. It’s hard for me to imagine even *getting* to retirement. Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not? No. I’m physically and even more mentally not okay. Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favorite thing about it? Yeah, some things. Though I really don’t even want to think about it. I look back on me being a teen with both wistfulness as well as bitterness. I don’t know which is stronger.

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''welcome home (sanitarium)'' by metallica

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askdawnandvern · 5 years ago

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Mrs. Wilde: Oh, you mean Martin Bogo? Aw, well while he is a sweet heart, I'm not really a....I mean...I don't want it to seem like I'm putting Nicky down, but I'm just...I've only ever been attracted to predators. It's just my preference...

Nick: Wow mom, talk about old fashioned. *chuckles* And here i thought you were a progressive, forward thinking mammal.

Mrs. Wilde: Nicky...

Nick: I'm just joking Mom. Although...you never know what could happen if you just let things play out. I mean, it wasn't like I was cruising for bunnies before I met Carrots.

Mrs Wilde: Tell that to the “Beach Bunnies” Magazine you used to keep under your mattress.

Nick: Y-You knew about that!?

Mrs. Wilde: Oh Nicky relax, it's normal for growing boys to be curious...And I've always been supportive of your lifestyle choices....well...aside from hustling...Still, I wasn't going to shame you over what you found attractive.

Nick: No, that's not why I....*sighs* nevermind...

Mrs. Wilde: Alright, well anyway, I'd also like to stick with mates that are closer to my size range, so a wolf at most, or a fennec at least. A mammal like Martin....well...I mean let's be honest, a mammal of my size being intimate with him would more than likely mean a trip to the hospital.

*Scratches chin* Also, if I recall correctly, I believe Martin is already married.

Nick: That's right, there is a Mrs. Bogo....or at least I've heard as much. Most of us have never seen hide nor hair of her. We don't even know what species she is...

Mrs. Wilde: He didn't tell you about Nora? She's a deer dear...and quite a dear at that...

Nick: Wait, how did you find that out?!

Mrs. Wilde: Because I asked sweetie. You know, you might learn about your boss if you actually asked him things nicely once and a while...

Nick: *Chuckles* Sorry Mom, that ship has sailed...it sailed a long time ago...Still, how come I'm just finding out about this now? Hell, when did you even talk to him?

Mrs. Wilde: Oh come now, don't tell me you've forgotten the last ZPD baseball game you invited me along to watch? It gave me a great opportunity to chat to your boss and make sure you've been behaving, as well as a fantastic chance to show off your kit pictures.

Nick: No...Ma, you didn't...

Mrs. Wilde: The one with you in the bathtub was his absolute favorite!

#Zootopia #askdawnandvern #ask blog #Assistant Mayor Bellwether #mrs. wilde #chief bogo #Bellhunterverse #wastedtimeee

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oflovesandlikes · 4 years ago

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Harry x Louis Fic Rec List

A quick last minute thrown together list for my anon. I hope I made good choices in my hurry. This will be updated later on so check up on it dear anon when/if you need more harry x louis fics.

I didn’t add any tags/warnings so please go through the fic tags before reading in case of any triggers.

The Melody You Never Heard by bananasandboots

Summary:

It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

Be My Little Good Luck Charm by 100percentsassy

Summary:

In which Harry is a promising amateur golfer making his debut at the PGA Championship, and Louis is a Sky Sports anchor who would really rather be commentating on footie.

The other boys are around too: caddy!Niall provides victory pints, Liam is Louis's Very Serious co-anchor, and poor Zayn just gets his face drawn on.

led by your beating heart by missandrogyny

Summary:

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any helpful right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

Relief Next To Me by dolce_piccante

Summary:

AU. What happens when a baker and a graphic designer meet via a very specific Craigslist post? Fate, friendship, food, and maybe more.

You Watched Me Sink by bananasandboots

Summary:

They've discussed it a few times - the boyfriend thing. It's not like it's some forbidden, horrific, abandon hope all ye who talk about furthering the relationship sort of subject. They're mature adults. They're in tune with their feelings, their hearts' desires, the way those butterflies swoop in their bellies whenever they so much as hold each other's hands. They like each other. A lot. It's mutual, they know. But for now, they're just content to enjoy the simplicity of what they have, and what they have is great.

When dating in secret stops being enough, then they'll discuss that too.

Or, the one where Harry teaches Sex Ed and sneaks around with the drama teacher, and doesn't realize how out of tune he is with his true feelings until everyone else figures it out for him.

Play Me Like One of Your French Girls by zimriya

Summary:

Louis is Hollywood’s ‘Bad Boy and Sometimes Darling’, and Harry is the clumsy, endearingly attractive part-time cellist whose cello gets upgraded to the seat next to his on the plane. They fall in love.

Also featuring R&B Superstar Zayn Malik, Olympic Gold Medalist Liam Payne, and Masterchef Niall Horan.

Let's Fall in Love in a Place You Want to Stay by embro

Summary:

A George of the Jungle / Tarzan AU where Louis is a model who meets Wild Man Harry in the Congo. He was raised by apes and barely speaks a word of English and turns Louis' life upside down.

don't tell the gods (we left a mess) by bottomlinsons

Summary:

After a misunderstanding with Liam’s mother, Louis agrees to accompany his best friend to a family wedding and pretend to be the world’s best boyfriend. But their simple plan goes awry when he learns that Harry, ex-boyfriend/ex-love of Louis’ life, will also be in attendance. (aka: fake!boyfriends with a twist ft. bromance, romance and cake.)

Play the Odds by alivingfire

Summary:

Harry and Louis are best friends since childhood who, after a night of drinking, find themselves locked in a bet: first one to kiss the other a thousand times wins. Wins what? They don't know. Glory, Harry supposes. Bragging rights, though those don't do much in this economy. All Harry knows is that this is one bet he can finally win. What he doesn't expect, though, is what happens when he starts kissing his best friend on a daily basis.

Namely, he doesn't expect falling head over heels in love with his best friend.

Now all he has to do is make sure the bet never ends, so he never has to stop kissing Louis.

#harry x louis #fic rec #to be added #hope you enjoy #dear anon #i can't swear by this list because it was done in a hurry

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this-account-is-abandoned · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @actualsunflower ❤❤❤

Name? ➔ “Gabriel Jimenez. My friends call me Gabe, Gabby, or General.”

Are you single? ➔ “Nah. Put a ring on Preston as soon as it felt right.”

Are you happy? ➔ “Very. I made the Commonwealth the safest region on the East coast. Turns out a little military training goes a long way.”

Are you angry? ➔ “Only if you’re trying to fuck over people who ain’t done nothing wrong.”

Are your parents still married? ➔ ��They were until my padre got sick working on an oil rig off the Gulf Coast. Chemical leak. Mama never remarried.”

NINE FACTS

Birthplace? ➔ “Laredo, Texas.”

Hair color? ➔ “Black, but Preston likes to pretend he’s counting how many grays I’m getting. I love when he calls me ‘old man’.”

Eye color? ➔ “Brown.”

Birthday? ➔ “January 11th.”

Mood? ➔ “Generally, I try to stay laid back when it comes to things I can’t change. Always try to look on the bright side, y’know, but I can come off as a bit of a stiff in today’s crowd. Two hundred years and anyone would stick out like a sore thumb.”

Gender? ➔ “100% Grade ‘A’ man. Pure beef. Okay, I lied. I have a dangler, but to be honest, it doesn’t matter to me what I am. I feel good in both fatigues and a dress so neither I guess. I am beefy though.”

Summer or winter? ➔ “Winter. People resort to cuddling me for warmth because I’m a natural hot-rock. Win-win situation.”

Morning or afternoon? ➔ “Morning. I feel like my garden is more awake then and I like to encourage the flowers and crops when they’re not napping.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

Are you in love? ➔ “Honestly, Piper? I think I found my soul-mate. Don’t get me wrong, my late wife Nora was amazing. I still think about her. Preston reminds me of her sometimes, especially when he scrunches his face up when I do something dumb, but he’s also a completely different person entirely. Half of me didn’t seem to wanna move on at first out of respect for Nora’s memory, but the other half just clicked with him the moment I met him. I think she would’ve liked him. He means everything to me now.”

Do you believe in love at first sight? ➔ “Happened to me twice now.”

Who ended your last relationship? ➔ “The mother-fucker who’s gun in hanging over my mantle place and collecting dust, right now. He thought he knew how shit worked, just like every other rotten sonofabitch I ran out of Boston. Thought because the world dealt him a shitty hand, that justified him shooting my wife in cold-blood. I don’t fuckin care what life did to you, the moment you take it out on someone who did you no wrong to you, you just completed the cycle and became as bad as the villain in your own story. It was no wonder that his life ended at the barrel of the 10mm pistol I’d named after her. l put her away when I’d gotten my skin, buried with my whip-smart, beautiful Nora and that’s when I really accepted I’d never see her again.”

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? ➔ “I used to be quit the heart-throb in my day, before the war. My face was on posters, I did public talks, felt like Elvis, y’know? My Army days are a bit of blur now, but I do regret saying I maybe flirted with one too many naive hopefuls.”

Are you afraid of commitments? ➔ “Not in the slightest. I love risk. Y’know, Nora was actually a government agent sent to keep an eye on me? Y’know, cause of the prototype super soldier stuff. She flirted and I dove head first. I took my time with Preston, though. It still feels like he’s out of my league and I didn’t wanna bother him with my baggage an matching luggage.”

Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “Piper, please. We made the ‘cuddle puddle formation’ just last night when we were watching Loony Tunes in my house. I’m pretty sure I hugged: You, Preston, Dogmeat, Codwsorth for a little bit before he got squirrelly, Deacon, my second dad Longfellow, Nick, Joe, Cait, Strong, Ada, Curie, my five other dogs Gracie, Mishka, Duke, Sophie, and Screwball, and those Brotherhood boys came over too. Bruce and Danse, I think? X-6 was busy and Porter doesn’t really cuddle. I don’t know, there might of been more there. Point is I hug, a lot. (Out of character: Bruce is another OC. More on him later?)

Have you ever had a secret admirer? ➔ “I used to be famous. Had tons of those I’m sure. If only they knew.”

Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “Oh yea, but that comes with life. It’s like a term I heard from a fellow squaddie. She called it ‘Kintsugi’. Means when I break and repair the damage, and I come out with a unique design.”

SIX CHOICES

Love or lust? ➔ “My other head gets the better of me most of the time, twice now that has led be down the path to love, so I guess both?”

Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “Iced tea. Living in Texas, even during the pandemic, you could roll up to any joint and get a gallon of un-sweet delight for just sixteen bucks. Pretty cheap if you ask me.”

Cats or dogs? ➔ “Dogs. Preston has a cat, “Endicott’, and I try to be friendly with the feral creature but I swear it’s up to something. It just stares at me, menacingly.”

A few best friends or many regular friends? ➔ “I seem to make friends anywhere I go. Deacon says it’s because I have ‘charisma’ but I think my seven foot tall stature just makes people wanna be on my good side. Who knows?”

Wild night out or romantic night in? ➔ “Both. I make sure to mix it up with my ‘rey amor mio’”

Day or night? ➔ “Oddly enough, night-time in this new world is so beautiful. The stars are out, no air pollution, I have plenty of time to finish up my paperwork for the Minutemen in fucking peace. It’s quiet.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

Been caught sneaking out? ➔ “I would never...Okay that can be fact checked. Don’t include this okay, but yea, I sneak out from the Castle all the time. Gotta get away from Ronnie sometimes.”

Fallen down/up the stairs? ➔ “Never. I have the reflexes of a weasel... I think.”

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Yup.”

Wanted to disappear? ➔ “...Yea...Don’t wanna talk about it though.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

Smile or eyes? ➔ “Jeez. Can’t pick. Preston has both in spades. If he smiled at me an looked at me with those eyes I’d jump off a cliff at his command.”

Shorter or taller? ➔ “Doesn’t matter. Although, I’m seven feet tall so everyone’s shorter than me.”

Intelligence or attraction? ➔ “What?”

Hook-up or relationship? ➔ “I’ve done both. Preston is my choice.”

FAMILY

Do you and your family get along? ➔ “The Minutemen are my family. I try to make sure anyone who signs up for our lifestyle is known and compensated. Only had a few men go AWOL in the first few months, but most came after watching our progress. My closest friends are even closer. I would do anything for them.”

Would you say you have a “messed up life”? ➔ “Oh, definitely. I’m considered pre-war. That in itself it a fucked up term. I watched my padre die, joined the Army at sixteen, agreed to horrible experiments out of desperation, got my leg blown off in Anchorage, watched my wife die and my baby-boy kidnapped, and now I have to live in a world two hundred years older than the world I left behind when a fucking greedy, sadistic corporation called ‘Vault-Tec’ froze me. I’m still trying to get used to everything and probably won’t be able to ever feel at home ever again. Preston had to teach me a lot. That’s not even the short of it.”

Have you ever ran away from home? ➔ “One time when my older sister was arguing with my parents I got mad that no one was paying attention to me so I packed up my toys and made it a block before I got lost and started crying. Mama found me and I never ran away again.”

Have you ever gotten kicked out? ➔ “Feel like I got kicked out of the Army. I was supposed to be there big ticket to Anchorage, and I did win it back, but when they saw their ‘Super Soldier’ got his leg blasted off, they dropped me like a hot sack of shit. Still stings.”

FRIENDS

Do you secretly hate one of your friends? ➔ “They just need more love.”

Do you consider all of your friends good friends? ➔ “I have somehow managed to turn the Brotherhood to the Minutemen’s side. Long story. I met an Institute Courser and helped him with his personal issues. He’s my buddy now. Met a raider in Nuka-World during the Nuka-Siege, he’s currently in the Castle giving us counter-intel on raider tactics. I consider even the most unlikely of people I’ve met to be important friends. Not because they help, but because I hope the path I’ve offered them all is a road to peace and recovery.”

Who is your best friend? ➔ “Uh...Preston, Dogmeat, Codsworth, Gracie, Mishka, Sophie, Duke, Deacon, Longfellow, Hancock, Joe, Piper, Curie, Ada, Strong, Cait, Danse and Bruce, I guess, oh I forgot about X-6 and my crack-head dog Screwball. I would probably tell all of these people my secrets. Maybe.”

Who knows everything about you? ➔ “Preston, and no Piper, he won’t tell you nothing about the secret stash either, either.”

I tag anyone who wants in on the fun.

#fallout #fallout 4 #oc #tag

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estradioltone · 4 years ago

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Why’s my stomach hurting? Why am I feeling so lonely when I have so many messages to answer? I CANNOT have another favorite person. Does that mean I’m doomed to high school loneliness?

When I was fifteen lots of people liked me AND I didn’t have a favorite person. Sean? Sam? Danica S? I’m trying to remember. Alex? Stephanie? What show did we do that year? It was Charlie Brown. Mattress, Charlie Brown, Trial by Jury, Sound of Music, and Alice. Shauna? Alex? Danni? Jonathan? Jordan? Danica made those CDs for me. Gabi? Ellery? Irene? Keziah? There were so many people. And none was the favorite. Kaz? Therone? Felicia? Deja? Corri? Jae? Cassie? Leslie? Laureen? Katy? There were so many people around me and I wasn’t the favorite and no one was my favorite. I wasn’t even talking to Amanda at that point. And I did like her. There were a number of people I was attracted to, and, I didn’t make any moves, bc I didn’t get close enough to them in terms of conversations. I needed that first. Like to be comfortable? Lauren? Was she in focus? I can’t remember much if anything about her now, and I was so into her then. Kari?

I used to change with Kari.

Oliver and his male friends used to change in front of each other.

Kari was so great. We were always friends only. I don’t think either of us ever had feelings for the other. She was such an amazing friend. Caitlin? Anna or Sarah? Sarah F? Janell? This is the first time I’ve dug into the memories of those earlier high school years. It literally feels like a backhoe digging into dirt and clearing it away. Archeologist excavating.

I remember sitting in 204 watching some movie in the dark. Mrs. H was teaching. I don’t have memories. Of what we learned. I never learned in English. I never knew what the fuck was going on I just always got A’s. I wrote that paper about having a peanut allergy. It has terrible racist stereotypes. No one called me out. No teacher. I was fifteen. Today I would e known better. Unless I was a republican. Like I was then. I was very conservative. How was I conservative? It didn’t fit with any part of how I acted. Danielle? Remember that film I made that was literally just everyone swearing. Spencer? I remember so many things. Why did I write that.

I don’t want to remember many things.

Why not? That’s so fucking weird. There are many things I don’t want to remember? Where did that thought come from?

I don’t want to remember bc it hurts too much to remember? That thought just came to me.

I wasn’t hurting during that year. I wasn’t depressed. It was like that time with M in sophomore college. Wow. In that moment sophomore looked like high school sophomore to me. It felt like being in Maine. It felt like mid August two summers ago. It’s summer. It’s June. Two summers ago he sucked my sick for the first time and I couldn’t even get hard. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I forced myself to keep going bc I wanted it. That was my fuck up moment. He kissed me that night. It was like Amanda asking to marry me what the fuck to DATE me. How did that happen? It’s in retrospect I wish I’d said no

The hurt is that if I remember I’ll double remember how

The blue waffle thermal

I remember the car and snow pants but not skiing. I remember kissing and my precut glowing like a river. I got wet like a girl. I got hard like a boy. I don’t know what’s normal.

I remember the night she came to see me at the Estonian concert. “Let’s go over here. Lots of girls like me here.” She later told me that freaked her out not freaked out it was like “ullll” what are the words that describe what that means it’s like a little oh no and yikes at the same time. It’s like when O asked me what my main interest in the relationship was and I said sex. And he had the same reaction. And I said, how could I have ever said something like that. It’s callous. And, it was honest. And then I got attached. Before I was having fun. I was happy.

And when I’m happy and having fun I behave like a disgusting jock boy. Maybe that’s who I essentially am. Maybe I’m choosing to be trans so I can become a different person. I do want to become a different person. Even then I thought back like what the fuck was I doing. Like when I touched G and C’s breasts. And I wasn’t allowed to go to cast parties. I didn’t get to do wild things. Would I have?

I was so many different people. I’m also the person at Sam’s house who was afraid to be there.

Remember Caitlins white dreads. Remember when Safi first came to school or Kylie. Remember how cool and superior you felt. Remember how everyone was lesser in your eyes. Sophie. Edna. Kendra. Nikki. That girl molly sitting on my lap and I was hard as fuck. I didn’t think of that in so long. Was that ninth grade? Or eighth?

We were at Burgerville.

I was just doing whatever I wanted.

Is that who I am in a state of nature?

And, I’m the person who stayed in my room instead of going out for a birthday party.

What was Menucha like that year

I didn’t have many years with older friends after that.

Remember Laura. You were twelve and she was seventeen. But you never really talked after the show ended. Would she hug me? Did she hug me in sixth grade? Was I happy at the end of sixth grade???? I think she hugged me by the 201 door. I can remember it now.

I drew that picture of her.

I said “your eyes aren’t quite even.” Wow that must have hurt her and I could see it in her face.

I did whatever I wanted. I thought I was cool I was trying to be cool at all times.

That was my first summer in Eugene. Jessica Zach Ted. Dr. A. Joe. Nicholas. Brahms. Komm Jesu Komm. Standing on the steps in that rehearsal room. My feet sweaty and stinky as fuck. Black like sweat things coming off my toes. My roommate was Nick.

That moment in the hallway taking down my pants. “Should we go all the way?”

Jessica wanted to be closer than I did. I fall back on ppl when I’m lonely but don’t want closeness when I’m not. I use people. I do what O did to me. He didn’t really love me? Or did he?

I’m single now but I’m not having fun but I need to give it more time and I am being more wild. I started to get wild sophomore year. Sarah G. I thought things had changed. But I didn’t want them to change bc I wanted to be unhappy there??????????????

You’re really cool for a freshman. Others wouldn’t do that.

Well I’m basically a senior bc I’ve already been at my school four years.

High school was my college time in a way. It was my amazing time and I was studying and creating big projects. College was my high school time hating things and not self actualizing and not being myself.

Did I do it on purpose???????????? Is that kind of thing possible???????? I know I’ve thought that before. Can I be faking this all? This little voice says yes. What the fuck. I have to be honest about that little voice. I have to bring it up.

She isn’t going to set the agenda. If I want to keep going on the same subject, I have to push onwards into it. What memories are there to open up there? God this is going to take so long and I want to do other things and I know I want to have done this work of digging through elementary school and things.

Honor choir I was the only freshman and I sang alone and they all clapped and cheered for me. I pooped and made the room stink and I was too embarrassed to say. I didn’t have anyone to sit with. I couldn’t sit with people who seemed cool to me. The directors were like gods. The guys were from Montana. I was wearing my first set of boxer briefs. They said I wasn’t like a normal freshman. The performance meant almost nothing. I was sick to my stomach going. I was sick to my stomach going to Eugene. I was sick to my stomach for years before undergrad. J. K. was too. She told me that later on. We read that same book.

I wanted to prove myself. That other guy was shaving and we were all sharing the bathroom. He was shaving. I took my underwear off before getting in the shower. I wanted to show myself I could. I wanted to expose myself.

Why am I so obsessed with the idea of having been molested or raped now and not earlier in my life? How could that be possible? How could I not have remembered it sooner? Or thought of it? Not in undergrad at all. I must be making up that fear. I make up my whole life. All of life is imagined and made up and fake and shit. All of life is imagined period. How am I tired again and yawning. I was always yawning with the computer on my lap. They said the computer heat makes you infertile. Did I lose my chance of having a bigger dick bc I sat a computer on my lap? I loved having a laptop. And, I never looked at porn porn. I was so abnormal. Everyone else did.

Talking with Jacob about penis size. I didn’t think about size mattering. That Hannah who later must’ve fucked Matt P. He came down with shorts so short his dick was hanging out. It was so exciting to me, and horrifying, bc I liked her. I liked so many people. I like so many people simultaneously. I jump around. I can’t find my place. Maybe I don’t have a place. Singing was my place.

I really liked Cole. How much older is he than me? Less older than I am compared to O. I think. He went to India and then he came back and did what. Was he only 24 or 25? We all thought it was fucked up that he dated Eric L and he was a senior and Eric was a freshman. He came out later. I’m so fucked. W moved on to a whole different kind of life where she has adult friends with children and she and F will probably have a kid sooner than later. She already got pregnant once.

J and M (C) are growing up a lot. I see everyone else changing so much. I’m objectively changing with HRT and whatnot. And therapy. And I don’t feel like I’m changing. When change is slow you don’t feel it. Which of these people is really me? My developmental stages are so mixed up. As a kid I fit better with adults. Even my parents say that. Now I really like nineteen year olds and twenty year olds. And, I just saw H and M tonight and there was a big gap between me and H but I was quite into M. I wanted to look at their breasts and forced myself not to. I wonder if both of them noticed and they talked about it later. I wonder how much people notice the things I try to hide. Am I good at it? Am I better than I think? Which me is really me?

I want my breasts to stay small. So I don’t get judged. I’m very worried about being judged. I’m not a women and I don’t like being called a woman. I felt like a man and no longer a boy if that makes sense. But I can be called a girl. I’m getting very agitated thinking that I’m faking being trans. We all change our gender identities bc it’s the thing to do. Conservatives are right. We should be conservatives. The conservative position is easier to defend. They never have to prove themselves. Their beliefs are the old ones. Why should we change. Life is fine. My mom doesn’t want things to change. Or I’m projecting on her. I tho m I’m better than others and I project my bad things onto them so I don’t deal with them. Is that why I feel so free?

How fucked up am I. I wrote that paper about L dying in sophomore year. I’m more introspective and controlled when I’m in a relationship. With A and W and O. Not D. I had to lie about her attractiveness. But I loved her mind. Or I loved her being there for me when I needed someone.

S isn’t comfortable with me. We went to the beach tgt with her brother. I felt she brought her brother so we would t be alone tgt. She probably knows I have feelings for her. And have for over ten years. She’s honestly so pretty. She never replies when I message her on ig. She’s had so much sex and partied so much. Idk if her hair really came back after her eating disorder. She’s a professor. A real one. Not like fake ass me. I live at home. I’m Jim the gentleman caller. I just want to relive my moment of being cool. She wasn’t cool in high school. And, she had a group. And, she’s secure in herself now. Is she? I don’t know her. She doesn’t engage with me probably bc she knows I have feelings for her. If she had feelings for me she wouldn’t react in that way. She would want to talk to me. Or she’s holding me back bc I’m a nightmare pos.

My dads bloody eyeballs. Bloody eyeball in New York.

I had introspection awake at night on my computer. Maybe if I slept more I’d have a bigger dick. They called me pancake. I’m sad that W’s life is complete without me. As I thought earlier me like O so much must make her feel the same way. S watches all my stories but never messages me. She keeps her distance on purpose and has for years. I need to stop reacting to her posts and messaging her ever. She never ever ever reacts to me. I talked to her about O. That was one of our only conversations. In the past year I mean.

I have so much left to say I have to pee I always tried to hold my excretia in.

I used to put stuff in my butt. They took me to the doctor for it I think. And in my ear. Or was that S. I know I fingered myself when I was quite young. I’ve been obsessed with pooping since forever. Obsessed. Butts. Anal phase development. Freud. We both stuck stuff inside ourselves I think. Or was it only him that stick stuff inside his butt. I can’t remember for sure. I thought it was me.

My blue basketball tracksuit. Orange basketball. So excited. Getting up early and getting fully dressed by myself. So excited. Running to my parents. It was so early. They told me to go back to sleep. They were sleeping. I couldn’t sleep. I read something. It was so boring.

Everyone was asleep at the R house. I woke up early and first and I was so bored. I went to play that football video game. My mom got mad at me for playing that game too much. Did she get mad that morning? Tf was I supposed to do????? I was bored. Why did I get disciplined for such stupid shit. That’s a reason I didn’t respect my parents. This shouldn’t be a rule. Same as eating in the living room whole watching tv.

2:30 tomorrow.

Hold on hold onnnnnnnn the bathroom at OLL.

I make up narratives of being emotionally hurt.

So many fucking thoughts!!!!!!!!

Im making up a catholic school molestation story. Or am I.

That bathroom. That bathroom. Urinals without dividers. The tall skinny ones. Just like in the bathroom but 220. 220. Second floor, room 20. Playing football with Dominick and Kyle and one other boy. Kyle is dead now. Kyle C. Kathryn was friends with him. She posted about him. Angie. Leah senior year.

Your profile picture is you with another girl.

I changed it.

How excellent. Walking with Jessica on 4th of July. Dr. A gave a speech. We stepped forward for How excellent. Why was I involved? I don’t know. I wanted to be. They taught me the song. I sang alto I think. My voice was free. Did anything hurt? I don’t remember it did. I didn’t need Ricola. Or did I. My voice got sore junior year. Not sophomore year. I could sing big. I should’ve always gotten to sing big.

I’m going into a tunnel with my practicing. I need to work on something different.

I’m squeezing my neck like crazy.

The church at OLL.

SW from church really really wants me involved in her prayer organization. I am not a believer. It’s BS. That speaker was so BS.

I need to text W.

The church has blue carpet. “Jesus died on the cross, you can stand for twenty minutes.” My legs hurt so much. I remember lighting candles but that happened in California, not here. When Aunt K got remarried. I found out much later her husband drank himself to death. They got divorced before that happened. He would drink rubbing alcohol. Steven went too fast lighting the candles. I was so mad. Don’t you know what you’re doing. But I had to stay in character. My dad has to go up and relight them. I was humiliated. I danced with Baby Anna. She didn’t recognize me after that. She was so cute. I was 10? She was probably three or four. I was so disappointed when she didn’t know me after that. We swam in our shorts. I got such a bad sunburn. My skin was peeling at the Aunt P ranch. We were reading H P. I’m still scarred from that sunburn. Left shoulder. The soda thing. They had their own automatic soda. That was so cool. Everyone else lived in the real world. Not us. We lived in church world where I wore clothes I hated. And we took family photos I hated.

I’m just born evil nothing happened to me I’ve just always been evil and bad.

I looked in the mirror in the same bathroom mirror the same bathroom mirror where I shaved my unibrow when I was mocked I still do or was I even mocked I was just afraid of being mocked why do I have a unibrow why am I the weird one how can anyone love me when I’m so weird

But it’s not the same mirror bc that ugly cupboard got replaced and the door was so broken and I shared it with S and A. Sharing is such a nightmare. This house is pretty small for three kids and two adults it was at capacity. I wonder if that’s why we fought so much.

I didn’t work on the book today again.

The book.

Not my book.

Not even his book.

The book.

Where’s the ownership dumdum dumbass

But even if it’s not the same mirror it’s the same thought. I looked in the mirror and I believe I even said out loud just now

Crazy that I don’t remember

But if I said it out loud my parents would’ve heard

Why don’t I want my parents to know anything

Did they know when Z said he would kill me if he could or he stole all my friends

I was talking about how Lindsay Lohan was naked in parent trap. She must not have known I said. That excited me so much. Being naked. She was naked. It’s bad but it turns me on so much. It’s not appropriate but I’m so into it.

Even T said my obsession with sex is abnormal. But she agreed with me saying that. Maybe she was just pushing me to do more thinking. Idk if others are telling the truth for sure. My moral compass is off. I always want or need an external standard. This is right. This is wrong. I’m bad. I’m a sinner. If I just be myself I do terrible things. I say I’m just in it for the sex. I say all these girls here like me.

He said what did we used to listen to? Jonsi?

Adele too I said

It’s so fucking weird that we message at all.

It’s weird FOR ME that we message

God I’m so far off topic

Did he really forget what we listened to? Are our moments tgt not seared into his brain like laser and fire? I remember everything. I remember his letter. I remember meeting him by the chapel. I remember sitting on the bench outside the music department and we sat for so long and I was thinking this is weird I should leave but he just kept talking and then it was bc he liked me. I’m sure I still have that first letter in my box of heartbreak which is actually an oversized envelope. I remember seeing him from down the hall and feeling so happy. Am. I really gay? And that happiness was real. And maybe I was his gf and that’s why it didn’t feel gay

If I was abused how come I can have sex without being triggered

After a lifetime of being obsessed with sex how come it doesn’t feel good

I never lose myself in it

It just doesn’t feel that good. Masturbating feels better. Did I not have the right partner

I see little me in a dress

Instead I was in stupid fucking clothes I hated

I wore white socks at St. Luke’s with black pants. My mom told me dont. I didn’t want to listen. Then she was right. She was self satisfied afterwards. “yyyyyyyyyyEP.” Why tf were we even at St. Luke’s. S and A lived behind St. Luke’s. They were so cool. BC was there. I talked about having written an opera. He must’ve been like wtf. I saw him at undergrad at a concert. M said to me who was that guy you were talking to and said he was sexy or something. He was. I wasn’t into him though.

Oh my fucking god I’m so off topic AND I want to get this whole thought out.

S and A were so cool. I can talk to A bc I don’t have sexual interest in him. It was a long time before I knew he was trans. I was trying to put so much stuff together. They were both so fucking cool. S isn’t that cool now to me. And it’s hard for me to talk to her calmly. She had meds. I’m sure she has problems like I have. Maybe that’s why our relationship became weird. Weirdly close but not close and I was always yearning for more like I did with B. But I knew I couldn’t !!!!! That was so fucked up. My legs twitched. I wanted to be her.

Hating boy dress clothes. I always have.

Wanting to be an older woman.

But I’m totally cis.

What am I

I looked in the mirror now like I always did in high school and said I think out loud WHO ARE YOU in an emphatic tone of voice. My face and voice were serious. My eyes were wide. My mouth was set. WHO ARE YOU didn’t mean what’s wrong with you in this case.

Katy is commenting to me again it’s the most interaction we’ve had in years why am I not giving more energy back why am I being aloof maybe bc she out distance there and I’m trying to keep myself safe or I’m hurt or I’m just consumed with other things or I just don’t feel close to her. Her not talking to me hurt a lot. Stop distracting from topic!!!!!!!!!!! T hurt a lot. Then T sent that heart emoji to my post today after “stay well”

Alright

Idk what that means and W sees it so simply and straightforward and I just don’t.

That’s not who she was

I’m obsessed with WAS

WHO ARE YOU meant which of these many different versions of yourself that you experience and present is the real one? How can there be so many?????

I did outpatient at the hospital near sams house and Sam dated Irene and Irene announced her engagement today and both of Irenes parents are dead and we haven’t spoken in decades but were still connected online.

I wish I was walking in snow like when I was hurting over D and I walked so far and my mom called me like what the fuck you’re going to get attacked and I said I used to walk the streets of New York much later than this

Sam dated K and he was never the same after that. I was there with Gabi and Kari and we made deep fried lovin and it was amazing and we loved it and Sam and I could never recapture that although we tried a few times. He always said “what do you want to do” and I didn’t know and neither of us had an idea. I went to so many weird ass coffee meets and hangouts in those first few years after high school. A had a pool party or something. When was the slip n slide party. We had all those AGT parties and tried to recreate or simply create the social life and friends over we should’ve had in high school and I believe my mom was extremely happy bc that’s what she had always wanted, to be the party house, like all the kids coming to play at her house when she was a kid. But how could anyone like coming here with the way she acted. We actually were a party house in elementary school. There’s that day when we all played in the rain and I was wearing red sweatpants. There’s the picture where I wanted the attention and I stood in front of the whole group sideways catching snowflakes on my tongue. We played smear the queer in the frosty grass. The athletic boys were the coolest. K’s older brother Dylan was called superstar on the soccer field. We played so many games at OLL. Do you remember tether ball. Words look weird rn what are letters even. Wall ball and black magic and double black magic and triple black magic and quadruple black magic and four square and kickball and soccer and basketball god we were so competitive it was amazing and so fun

Kickball on the asphalt we always had scraped knees who approved that who let us play like that. Brandon fell and left his teeth in the asphalt or at least that was my image of it. Zero the Hero. One hundreds day. Turbo math. Writing books. Everyone else knew things I didn’t. Star Wars. Everyone knew things I didn’t.

We couldn’t be the party house in middle school. She wasn’t safe. I wanted to die. I deserved to die bc I was so disobedient.

Who was I? The no friends middle school. Won’t let myself poop disgusting fart everyone smelled it too scared to pee off the stairs I had to get approval to go to the outhouse too scared to spray the wasp nest taking down the pole and failing and smashing my hand and it had that big scab and I washed it with hand sanitizer bf that was all I had and maybe that’s what caused my blood clot but it happened so many weeks later how did it happen so much later. I was so into J in college junior year and then she told me the story about fucking that other guy when they were drunk. She even Skyped me. She loved that one guy and then he picked someone else and it ruined everything and I was always starving and eating my cereal too fast but I didn’t want to spend money buying more I only went to Cub like once we rode the bus and took so many pictures and I looked so happy in that moment. And R was there. Before he assaulted me. I didn’t want to touch his dick the memory of touching his dick is literally making me shake rn I need to stop it was so hard and small he was everywhere on campus he did whatever he wanted he was loud everyone loved him stop thinking about him!!!!!!!!!!!

My neck and arms are so tense rn what is wrong with me why did I have so many social problems putting my backpack in those cubbies when we went to eat I was so scared it would be stolen I took it with me I was the only one it was so stupid I was such an envarrassing person I’ve been so controlled in my life by embarrassment only the Asian kids ran they didn’t care what anyone thought of them we laughed at them that was so typical mocking any difference. I read the books of school history trying to understand the values and I finally did I didn’t fit in!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have R and E and C.

The protests are dying down. We’re at the limit of change. It’ll take another death to rile this back up. That’s disgusting but I think it’s true. Things were done in Portland at about 9:30.

I feel sick. I feel legitimately sick.

I feel so sick and my ears are ringing great!!!!!!!!!!! And I saw T and her boyfriend and thought about how I want sex and I’m not fuckable. Which maybe I am. Maybe that’s my essential self. Unfuckable and insecure and anxious and scared of being different and scared of being judged and bc of this always already different and trying to be different so I stand out as a star but not wanting to stand out at the same time. Do I even like singing or like music or do I just want to be famous. I have been so confident that I would be famous. I’m so confident in my ideas. I’m so smart. No one can be more right than me. My co fife to self is despicable.

Maybe I loved being fifteen and being with M and being at A M F and two summers ago with O bc I wasn’t this disgusting insecure person but everyone liked me. I’ve been thinking that that person is my essential self. But maybe the whole thing is that thats NOT ME AT ALL. I’m not meant to be a star or be anyone I’m meant to be a worm and disappear and be nowhere and that’s why I do t have groups and that’s why no one liked me at undergrad and at the same time didn’t I keep myself out of groups on purpose so I would keep honoring high school? Like we keep honoring Leah. Just like I keep holding onto the pain of O to honor the relationship that we had and prove my real love for him. He’s moved on more than I could ever imagine moving on except that’s not true in the sense that I don’t know anything but I must be ABSOLUTELY clear with myself when I say that the reason it’s not true is because whatever I say is an assumption and I’m working on not making assumptions about other people at this point in my life bc I need to act on what people say bc I’m not at all a mind reader. And, I hope that he is thinking of me. But I’m playing with myself. He’s fine if he was here then he would be here. He might be in another state he might be in a whole other relationship.

Don’t fake yourself out. He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s moved on.

He had at least one other relationship.

He might not be single now.

He’s moved on.

He’s not coming back.

I need to finish this. I avoid the real point. Why does my brain do that. And I want to write down every thought. Why so many digressions

Okay then

I’m typing with my eyes closed sometimes which is something I used to do in high school while I was typing late into the night exactly like I am right now. S always lay facedown on his bed which I thought was fucking weird bc I only lay facedown to masturbate.

He did that in the day time

I kissed so many objects after reading the Star Wars novelization

We played Nanosaur at catholic school and public school.

The computers were in the portable

I never got to play as much as I wanted to

The computers were in the library and I played type to learn. I was watching Star Trek tng with my dad on a summer night and it enthralled me I couldn’t tell when special effects were bad at that age. We had to leave I had indoor soccer with Kirill’s dad and he was a star in the Soviet Union he said but who knows and I went to his house one time to play video games and it was a small apartment and I was so surprised. The preps took him in instantly but why not me WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME WHY IS MY GRIUP THE PPL WHO ARE WEIRD SS FUCK

We funked in the halls people laughed at how I didn’t know how to move myself or in anyway be in my body and I couldn’t let go why couldn’t I let go people who let go looked so cool Sam was our mascot at that high school duhduhduh day I didn’t know what tf I was doing there why was I in ASB it just seemed like the thing to do we tied I was relieved when I lost I missed the midnight going into the secret places in the school thing fuck my life I missed so many things I wanted

GOD DAMN JT

There were younger boys who went to pee in our one and only bathroom and they took their pants all the way down to their ankles and the older boys came in and made fun of them while they were still right there and I heard it and made sure not to be like the kindergarten boys so I wouldn’t be made fun of. I think I peed like that before that day. It didn’t matter??? Smooth white butts. There was one brown person in the class named Tharik. Maybe not but we were so white.

Is there anything else to remember about that moment?

Sinks where you pushed the bar at the feet to turn on the water

I’ve been to so many airport sinks and the urinals have no dividers

I always prayed no one else would be in the bathroom why was I so scared to pee beside someone I would be seen why didn’t I want to be seen? Other times I was dying to be seen. How did my desires change so much

Why was I obsessed with sex. I had fantasies of Hoth of magic school bus I was naked in so many. I didn’t want the doctor to examine my penis. I said can my mom do it instead and tell you. No he said but she can sit in the room. Okay he said. I was so scared. Why was I so scared. Why didn’t I handle it normally. Why I’m gods name would I want my mom to see my dick. What the fuck was wrong with me.

Is there ever a time I look back on myself and think wow that was a good decision I’m proud of that. No! I have happy moments like being the only freshman in honor choir or playing the zither or whatever it’s called with A

Am I more evolved than I was then

I choose not to act or do anything bc at least that way I can’t make any mistakes and not acting is also a mistake I can’t bear to do what I did in the past and then somehow I do it before I realize I’m doing it

Why was I obsessed with sex

I read about luke and Leia kissing in that movelization and I kissed so many things around the house trying to capture the description from the boom of how her lips felt. There were choose your own adventure books and i always imagined myself in them and unmade so many self insert fantasies where all the characters were still there. the boys were my friends and the girls were my lovers. I think OLL was where I read junior Jedi knights. We used to go to the library so much the old one and I read through so much Star Wars and Star Trek science fiction. I was never attracted to the boys. I never judged the stories I just enjoyed the imagination. And I read Ancient Greek mhths. I’m a fucking nerd and nothing nobody who got thrust into the center stage and suddenly I had some popularity and then I had that personality push and pull. Always being criticized. A criticized me and W criticized me after my recital like right after and A took down the program in Eugene and Ö tore me apart so many times including after the MC. Anneke was so fucking attractive.

God

I never should have had attention. I liked so much stupid nerd stuff. But I was cool in elementary school. I feel like wherever I am I try to make the stuff I like cool and bring people to me. I can’t fit into them. Music is a great way to do that bc everyone loves music.

I have always had false ideas of who I am but when I’m depressed I can be realistic. That’s why it’s good for me to be depressed. I’m a sinner and no good and deserve it. I deserve to feel bad. It’s penance. I deserve it.

That’s not what I should feel and that’s not what my brain feels but I write down stuff like that bc that’s what my heart is saying. Those could even be in quotes. That’s being said by a different me inside me if that makes any sense.

I’m so privileged. What do people think when they see me. Do I not have more followers and more story views bc I’m a fucking loser and that’s what people see? But I liked myself. I liked what I saw. I liked it. But it wasn’t or isn’t good enough for other people. My opinions grate. My opinions drive people away. Why do I always have such strong opinions.

I never do anything part way

I started masurbating so early. How did I find it

Don’t message back fast. They’re very inconsistent. You’re hoping for much more than they will ever give. You give what you look to receive. You don’t give what people deserve. You don’t give based on the real quality of your relationship but by what you want it to be or you give without regard for yourself and only regard for pleasing the other. A. W. O. D.

No boundaries. Too many boundaries. Inappropriate feelings. I do so much to avoid inappropriate feelings.

What’s inappropriate

Wrong

You should have sexual feelings for that person

You shouldn’t like people that much older or that much younger. I never knew him when he wasn’t an adult I stg

I can’t remember any sexual feelings at all in third grade. I remember so many times when I thought wby dont I like anyone. I remember like forcing myself to like K in fifth grade. I end up dating or whatever people I’m not attracted to. I see someone in them that isn’t the real them and then I expect them to act like that person

I guess I tried to change O. I’m the bad one

Idk if that’s true that I tried to change him.

But I definitely might say x is a good decision in my opinion. Stuff like that.

Am I asexual? The question doesn’t stop coming back to me.

Can I remember anything. I don’t fucking know.

I played with my penis from a time when I was very young.

W feels natural for me but wrong. That’s not who I am.

K doesn’t feel natural these days most of the time and idk why. Is she just a costume :( I don’t want her to be but maybe she is. I have to face all my inner voices. Avoiding them has hurt me a lot.

I don’t see people for who they are. For who they are inside I see them. Nope. That’s my projection. Who I think they could be which is another way of saying who I want them to be. Stupid stupid stupid.

Zuko

Rubbing my dick on my bed felt good. Rubbing it on blankets felt better. Pulling down my pants and then pulling down my underwear. Better and better and better. I didn’t think to masturbate with my hand for years. I went through so much shampoo. I came in so many showers. Once I was scared I would get my sister pregnant bc I came in the tub. I came in my grandparents’ bathrooms. Both of them. My dads dad doesn’t hardly seem like part of the family.

Why don’t i remember more?

Because there’s nothing else to remember.

Each experience is a different me. How will I ever know who the me me is. So many different selves. So many masks. A different person around every single person. Only O and D knew the full me. Not A or W. They were my sex friends and we were in a relationship. Sex was what I wanted. I turned into their emotional support doll. They didn’t support me. I don’t tell W things. She isn’t on my sinsta. I haven’t told her about it. She would be hurt that I didn’t. And that I wouldn’t add her. Don’t give people things they can’t handle. She doesn’t use my girl name. I wonder if O knows I changed my name online. It doesn’t matter. He’s not part of it.

She doesn’t understand a lot. A doesn’t understand a lot. There are these lines right. They’re not like me. But we have sex. Sex is so important to me bc they’re sex friends. But then I get sucked in emotionally. Same with O. We were sex friends that got emotional.

I never had sex that satisfied me.

There’s a gap of why sex why me. Etc. Why secret. I’ve always been a secret whore like lots of white girls.

I’m obsessed with symmetry too. I’m not normal. I hate seeing S’s name in my text suggestions or whatever they’re called. predictive text.

I’ve always been obsessed with symmetry. Idk where that came from. I can’t stand asymmetry in my body which ofc we all have bc nothing is perfect in nature in a mathematical sense.

Left right right left

Up left down right down left up right

I do that pattern constantly. Teeth tongue mouth eyes feet

I’ve done that since forever. Why

Idk

Nothing comes from nothing but that doesn’t mean it came from severe sexual trauma either

I’m trying to find trauma just find sexual thoughts in the past instead

Like my dad giving me that one shirt sex talk and how uncomfortable it was and how I thought about balls or how sex was always trash and we had to go to bed when our parents were watching a movie did they ever make out there was no physicality in their relationship ever. She has her couch my dad has his chair

I don’t want to be physical with them I do with everyone else maybe I’m the abuser maybe I was born that way I kissed everyone they didn’t want it maybe Mrs. H was right to punish me that way. I feel like my sexual interest started before kindergarten

Masturbatimg has always been fantasy time. Sometimes memory time. Sometimes creating fantasy memories. Sometimes living out things I read. Erotica really is the superior porn

I masturbated like crazy, and, I didn’t know any sexual terms. Bisexual is when the woman is older than the man LMAO

I think already in first grade or so I didn’t tell my parents about school. I didn’t want to. Everyone knew who we were. Big ass silver van. We always were the last to leave anything. Always talking like crazy. Public was our only freedom even though it was our fake selves. I kicked the rock into Mrs. G’s ankle. My mom shouted at me. We were just playing. AND I know that I knew I was being risky. We ran laps around the school. It was always hard for me. Running. I always hated it. I couldn’t push myself. That Mikaela or Michaela or however she spelled her name was ahead of me on the sidewalk. She was faster than me. We ran laps under the covered area. That was where we were allowed to play during rain time. I told Jesse she was dat and she said that’s a black mark on my soul and a sin. H E L L H E double L H E double hockey sticks

I peed my pants and somehow Mrs. H knew

2 notes · View notes

sol1056 · 6 years ago

Note

EPs: "we chose Netflix to explore things like sexuality" (nothing was explored or was explicit for even 2 seconds) "when they told us u cant kill Shiro, we knew we could push the reveal 4 later" (so nice of them to admit they stopped our rep just to be able to kill him) "when we found out about byg we knew we coulnt kill Shiro & we thought we'll find rep w another character. Then we learned we could go on w/ Shiro as the rep" (theres ANOTHER REP WE DIDNT GET?? Was it vague then erased? Whatt??)

I think these are two separate issues. One is related to who made VLD, and the other is related to the EPs’ ignorance of characterization. The second overlaps with a bunch of asks I’ve recently gotten about race and representation, so here I’m just keeping it to a general discussion of characterization, with Lance as example. And then about Shiro in particular, how the EPs’ statements reveal their lack of thought.

Behind the cut.

remember where these people came from

The team behind VLD is almost entirely formerly Nickelodeon. DreamWorks wanted to break into television on a much larger scale, and since they almost always promote from outside the company, they lured over Margie Cohn from her position as a Nick VP. As VP/exec levels tend to do, Cohn brought a bunch of people with her.

One of those was Mark Taylor, who’d been involved in both AtLA and LoK. Taylor, in turn, brought JDS, LM, and I think one or two of the other producers. Taylor also probably brought over Hamilton, Chan, and Hedrick, as known entities with proven track records.

These are people who — for for the last ten or more years — have swum in Nickelodeon’s considerably more conservative fishbowl. It’s entirely possible (given what people tell me about storylines in HTTYD, and DW’s open support of She-Ra) the former Nickelodeon team automatically downgraded DW’s “go ahead and explore these heavier/darker topics” to mean “maybe kinda mention in passing but don’t be too obvious about it.”

Now, to be fair, the EPs may have pushed for more LGBT+ rep, and their obstacle might not have been DW, but Taylor. It’d explain how the EPs could praise everyone (read: DreamWorks staff) as supportive, yet allso complain about pushback (read: Taylor’s Nickelodeon-influenced sensibilities). Two different parties were calling the shots.

It’s also possible what the EPs saw as ‘rep’ was still considerably toned-down from what DW execs (and the VAs) may’ve expected. After all, that one-minute scene in VLD might’ve required an act of god at Nickelodeon. VLD’s staff may have genuinely considered this scene landmark because even that tiny bit was far more than their previous employer would’ve allowed.

Cue the victory lap and excited chatter, and seeming blindness to Korra being long since surpassed by Steven Universe, Young Justice, Bob’s Burgers, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, RWBY, Rick and Morty, Clarence, BoJack Horseman, Danger & Eggs, Big Mouth, and Summer Camp Island. Remember, it wasn’t until 2016 that Nickelodeon would have a married gay couple (in The Loud House), and they’re not even central characters. The VLD staff may’ve thought itself bold, and unprepared for the reality of modern (non-Nickelodeon) audience expectations.

No, I don’t think that absolves them. It just seems the most reasonable explanation. That is, short of seeing the EPs as so utterly cynical they’d pump up the audience for what amounted to a nothingburger in light of what else popular media now delivers.

and then there’s representation

VLD’s troubles can all be traced to one crucial detail: the EPs don’t understand that characters are the bedrock of stories. And as such, there are no shortcuts.

Ever had the misfortune to catch a home decorating show? Here we have a windowless basement: mock up a mantle from polystyrene, paint the walls gray, put up sconces with flickering lightbulbs… it’s still a basement. It’s just now desperately pretending to be something it isn’t. The bones of the structure are undeniably American Suburbia, not generic castle keep, and those bones are integral to how we experience the space.

The average person isn’t trained to be aware of those bones — the underlying architecture — and its subtle impact on our experience, just as most non-storytellers aren’t trained to see how and where and why characters create plot. I guarantee you, though, you will never mistake a late-century Kmart for the Centre Pompidou or the Forbidden City or Mount Vernon. Just as you would never mistake a beginner’s first novel for Lord of the Rings or Left Hand of Darkness.

That is, the dressed stone isn’t paint and plaster; it’s a core element informing (even dictating) height, width, and depth of a space. Characterization is the same: it must be structural. In turn, characters inform the breadth and depth of the story. If your characterization is shallow, wild swerves and dramatic reveals can make the story fun, but they will never make it deep.

I empathize with the (hopefully genuine) intent to avoid making Shiro’s sexuality a ‘reveal.’ The unfortunate truth is: waiting 60+ episodes to even mention in passing makes it a reveal. It wasn’t structural, or viewers would’ve been sensing it from the very beginning.

This isn’t a haircut or a pair of jeans. It’s a person’s identity, and that has crucial impact on hopes, fears, desires, and needs. It doesn’t start only once the audience is let in on the secret; it was always there. It should’ve informed the character’s actions and reactions all along.

If Lance is Cuban, and the story takes place in a quasi-future America, then to understand Lance’s perspective, we need to ask questions like: is Cuba still under embargo? Is it a free democracy now, or did Lance’s family flee at some point? Is he part of an exchange program, or is there a lottery that let him come to the US for his education? Did he leave his family behind? How young was he, when he left? What was his childhood like, and how does that differ from what he found in America? What was his parents’ relationship like, and how does that influence his expectations for friends and lovers?

Was he fluent in English when he arrived, or did he only become fluent later? Does his Spanish have a noticeable accent, and if so, has he felt isolated from other Latinx at school? Or is he the only Latino at the Garrison? Is he proud of his heritage, or ashamed of it? Did he get bullied for being foreign, and how did that change what he says/does? Even if America is joyfully multi-cultural, he’d still be an immigrant or foreigner, and that’s a different experience from a non-white community that’s multi-generation American. What was his impression of his new life? What compared favorably (or not) to his childhood?

It’s not just, “He’s a boy from Cuba.” You have to think about what it means to be ‘from Cuba’ and how this is different from, say, growing up next door to the Garrison (like Pidge probably did). If you put that much thought into it, if you talk to people who’ve lived that experience, if you push yourself to imagine as deeply as you can how Lance’s life would have shaped him?

By the time you’re done, Lance would never need to say a word.

His reactions, his assumptions, maybe a few mannerisms, his humor, a few throwaway comments about his family or things he did as a kid — and there would be Cubans in the audience going, “hey, wait a minute, he’s just like my cousin.” Or brother or uncle or friend. By the time someone asks at a panel? Half the audience would be saying, yeah, we were right, Lance is totally Cuban.

Or you don’t think about it, and you use stereotypes in hopes that’ll do the work for you. As @sjwwerewolf commented:

Man, I’m ready to rant about Voltron. I’m Cuban. Lance, oh boy, Lance. From season 1 on, he has been written as a huge stereotype. The flirtatious, passionate comic relief character who’s dumb. Like. He’s literally Antman’s sidekick. That character. All you need to make him a full caricature is like, “I have a gangster brother.“

The stereotype is a shortcut. It’s slapping on behaviors without thought for a real person’s experiences or perspectives. VLD is, sadly, full of them: the Latino (wannabe) lover, the big guy who likes food (with only the slightest twist to have him actually good at cooking), the boyish-girl who’s a brain and likes computers more than people, etc.

just pull shiro out of a hat

At some point early on, the EPs said (once again in an interview, not in the story) that VLD is a world without homophobia. The story itself contradicts that ideal, or at least, it emphasizes a certain level of heternormativity over an open embrace of diverse relationships. What’s in our face for six seasons is Lance’s lover-boy stereotype, Allura’s attraction to Lotor, Lotor’s attraction to Allura, Matt’s attraction to Allura, and so on… and the closest we get to anything resembling an alternate attraction is one blush from a servant in a flashback, and Kuron’s startled reaction to Keith’s return.

All VLD had to do was have Hunk mention his moms. Or Coran mention his late husband. Or Lance mention his sister’s wife. Something explicit to offset the heterosexual attractions going on. Frankly, for six seasons it was an open question whether homosexuality even existed in VLD: the absence of a negative is not proof of the presence of a positive.

That absence means we really have no idea how being queer in VLD’s world would affect a character — and it would, have no doubt. Our sexuality affects every single one of us; it’s just that straight people have the benefit of seeing the roadmap of their sexuality played out in a million books, movies, and television shows. If you haven’t given thought to whether this is also true in your world, then you don’t really know how a character could discover, define, and map their sexuality, or how they’d quantify or qualify relationships that overlap their sexual preferences. You don’t understand the structure.

That lack of thought means, nine times out of ten, the creator has said to themselves, “it’s easier to just say this character’s experience of their sexuality is exactly like the one I, as a straight person, vaguely recall having (that I never actually had to question because it was already mapped out for me, everywhere I looked).” That’s not a queer character. That’s a character with a label slapped on their forehead that says here be a queer character. It’s paint, because the structure underneath is straight person.

Which means that of course the EPs could consider making someone else “the rep,” because they really seem to believe this is as easy as removing the label from Shiro’s forehead and sticking it on someone else. And it’s not. People don’t work like that. Sexuality is no more a simple paint-job than race, gender, culture, or dis/ability. Each of these things is etched on our bones, literally or metaphorically, and that changes us all the way through.

The short version, then, is: no, we wouldn’t have gotten any other rep, just as we haven’t truly gotten any rep as VLD was delivered. Shiro has a label on his forehead, but unless and until the canonical story demonstrates this goes all the way down to his bones… he’s just a straight suburban basement with a mediocre paint job and some fake queer columns.

#vld #voltron #characterization #representation #sol thinks about stuff

132 notes · View notes

extraneousdominomask · 6 years ago

Note

sly for the character ask prompt?

the trilogy………….is complete

Why I like them:An iconic and hugely entertaining character who balances being a larger-than-life supercriminal with being a believable, loving friend

Why I don’t:Sometimes his antics end up being more childish than funny, particularly when it comes to jumping up and down on Carmelita’s last nerve

Favorite arc:Facing the possibility his father may have been a terrible teammate... and brushing it aside, since that should not and does not affect his own moral character. Very mature of a guy who grew up worshiping the old man

Favorite line:Oof, hard to pick. I could listen to him all day.There’s definitely a poetic, punchy option I’m missing, but off the top of my head:“My gang and I had done it. We had silenced Jean Bison’s Iron Horses, and we were walking away with three - Count them! Three! - Clockwerk parts!”I always loved that delivery. He’s just so happy about it!

Favorite outfit:His typical outfit is very sharp and iconic despite the lack of pants

OTP:okay, soMy magnum opus H&H2 is, nominally, a story which continues the romantic plotline between Sly and Carmelita It’s also an effort to explore the Sly/Nick vibes I felt the first story lackedAs a result, I tried to tone down the Sly/Judy vibes, and failed. That’s just how they talk to each other. I can’t slow them downHe’s also explicitly noted to be attracted to Officer Fangmeyer like the rest of us and now, in the most recent chapter (plug plug), he takes time out of his busy schedule of bleeding to death to flirt with a fifth person...I find Sly has a certain degree of romantic flexibility, is what I’m saying.

Brotp:With Bentley and Murray! This section has been very repetitive thus far…

Headcanon:Sly is just so fuckin hyped to be a dad. He relishes the thought of it all - awkward fishing trips, turning off the lights every night, awful jokes. (He’s got that last one down already.) He’s also totally open to the idea of being a stay-at-home dad. He’s attracted to independent women like Carmelita, and he’s eager to teach his kids once he retires. It only makes sense

Unpopular opinion:Despite some good character development, I think he still has some growing up to do (again: Carmelita’s last nerve and the stomping thereon). Related to the previous answer, I enjoy picturing him as a calmer, wiser adult a few decades from now

A wish:Meets and flirts with an attractive and pure-hearted male cop named Nick Wilde, thereby confirming he’s a bisexual with a type

An oh-god-please-don’t-ever-happen:my beloved childhood hero remains trapped in Ancient Egypt and isolated from his friends forever due to a combination of uncaring executive decisions and idiotic writing

5 words to best describe them:Suave, debonair, dashing, incomparable, dumbass.

My nickname for them:stupid sexy raccoon

#grelbin #coloured text

12 notes · View notes

luminous-shifting-vibes · 4 years ago

Text

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

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savannacentralperk · 7 years ago

Text

Work Things Out

The first thing that greeted Nick and Skye was laughter. Their mother still working her shift at the hospital, the vixen decided her brother would benefit from her supervision. She had kept a firm grip on his shoulder, guiding him to their mother’s apartment. Neither said a word to each other the entire time.

Nick’s irritation reached it’s peak at the sound of Gregory’s cackles as he lounged on the couch, watching something on his phone. From the sounds of it, Finnic had sent his big brother the video. And knowing Greg, it wasn’t his first viewing.

“I swear watching my kit brother get his tail handed to him by an itty bitty bunny is the funnest shit ever!” He roared. “Seriously, Nick, way to handle yourself.”

“Fuck off, Greg!” That earned him a sharp slap to the back of the head from Skye.

“You,” she said, grabbing Nick by the ear, “watch your mouth. And you!” Skye dragged Nick to the couch while pointing at her other brother, “Stop antagonizing him! Or you’re going to get your tail handed to you by me!”

Greg moved his legs just in time for Nick to be shoved onto the couch next to him. Both todds looked up at their sister, the elder still playing the video on his phone.

“So, wanna tell me why you picked a fight with Judy?”

“Oh my Karma! I didn’t pick a fight or start a fight! I was just skating and she got in my way! I called her cute, she went ballistic.” Both his siblings scoffed at that.

“Yeah right! I have it on video, Nicky,” Greg held up the phone, just at the part where Judy had lunged. “You knew exactly what you were doing and saying.”

Greg turned the phone to watch more of the fight, his grin growing.

“Damn…..That is a nice piece of tail.” Both Nick and Skye smacked him.

“Dude, she’s, like, thirteen!” Skye gave him a disgusted look. Greg made a face of horror and turned the video off, “And my boss’s sister. By the way, is it your own personal Halloween or do you have work today?”

Nick looked at his brother and saw him in his Buga Burger uniform. The older todd looked at the time on his phone, before yelping and dashing around the living room. His wallet was scooped from the end table and his house key lay under the recliner.

“You know, is it just me,” he said as he pulled himself together to leave, “or does that bunny look an awful lot like the one you always stare at when we’re out? I hate to say it, Nicky, but picking a fight with the female you like is something you would totally do.”

He straightened up and brushed his uniform off before turning towards the door. It was opened as the grey wolf on the other side was raising his paw to knock.

“And David is here! Hi Dave, bye Dave!” Greg side stepped him as he jogged out of sight.

Wolford gave him a grin as he held up Nick’s skateboard and cell phone.

“Drop these?”

Skye went to grab them from him as Nick gave his friend a reproachful look.

“Huh, see so much of your tail, I forget what your face looks like.” The wolf rolled his eyes and surrendered Nick’s things.

“I’m the one who told you to stop being an ass. If you listened, she would have just huffed away and we could be at Buga Buger making fun of Greg. But, nooooooo. Nick Wilde just has to goad his crush into beating him up!” Skye gave Nick a look of devilish delight while her brother fumed at the wolf. “You’re fuckin’ sick, dude. OW!”

“Watch your mouths! Oh my Karma! You’re thirteen! Stop. Swearing.”

“Ok, a) I do not have a crush on a bunny,” Nick leaned forward to snatch his phone from his sister, “and b) what was I supposed to do? I’m almost twice her size!”

Skye slammed the board into his lap and took the phone again.

“What’s wrong with liking a bunny?” She felt a sight blush creep over her face as green found blue. Nick quirked an eyebrow at her and, for a second, it was as though her father was getting ready to tease her.

“Oh that’s right!” This time it was Nick who looked gleeful, “Wolfie, buddy, you’ll never guess what happened at the station!”

Wolford looked between the two foxes, the vixen with a forced look of confusion on her face.

Interesting, he thought.

Skye usually had perfect control over her emotions. Even when their father died, her face rarely broke it’s cool surface. And while Nick was as intuitive as his species came, at their age he was naturally oblivious to others. If he picked up on something, Skye must have been caught completely off guard.

“Our little Skye here,” Skye’s eyes widened at that, paws on her hips as her hind paw started tapping, “is hot for a bunny!” Nick grinned at his sister who flushed.

“So that’s why you won’t give me a chance!” Wolford exclaimed, grinning. “My ears are a bit too short, huh?”

The vixen rolled her eyes, before turning towards the wolf.

“Yeah, that’s what it is! Not that you’re thirteen and I’ve changed your diapers before.”

This time, Nick laughed at his friend before checking time.

“Don’t you have that stupid ZPD camp thing today?”

The wolf, grin intact, nodded.

“Headed there now. Room for one more if you’re interested…” Nick bitterly shook his head. Wolford gave a small sigh and let his face drop a bit. “Nothing wrong with following in the old todd’s paw prints you know.”

The wolf turned for the door. His smile was a bit more reflective as looked back at his friend staring as his skateboard. He opened the door, hesitating on his next words.

“Think about it.”

Skye didn’t watch him leave, choosing instead to study her brother. He didn’t let her ponder for long before he heaved himself up and headed to his room. Skye followed behind him, standing in the doorway as he tossed the board aside and fell back onto his bed. Green eyes focused on the ceiling with paws behind his head.

Debating silently, she let out a quiet breath before walking to where he lay and tucking the phone by his side. She crouched to be ear level with him.

“I’m going to head to the market to pick up something special for dinner to celebrate the job. Any requests?” Nick didn’t look at her as he shook his head. “All right. Stay here. I won’t be long and I’ll let both Mrs. Oak and The Frosts know you’re here. No sneaking out.”

Her white paw reached out to stroke between his ears, at last making him turn to look at her. She gave him a soft smile before kissing his nose. Nick didn’t smile at her, but rather focused his attention back towards the ceiling. One head shake later and the vixen headed out.

Skye closed his door as she left, leaving the young todd alone with his thoughts. He felt bitter about the day. Not because the doe had attacked him. Greg was right. He had known what he was doing.

He also knew the pretty bunny would never had gone near him if he hadn’t antagonized her. And that thought made Nick feel even more lost. Crashing into her was an accident. But when his nose registered her scent for the first time, he had to figure out how to get her close again. He had imagined how she would smell for a few weeks now and reality had, for once, been better.

His friends were picking out their favorite females from their school. And Greg, it seemed, had a date with a different vixen every weekend. It seemed like none of them were interested outside their species. There were even a few vixens in his classes that gave him second and third glances. But they didn’t get the reaction Judy seemed to provoke.

He felt awkward asking his mom or Skye about what he was feeling. His brother would tease him mercilessly, as would Finnick. Wolford he may be able to talk to, he seemed to into any female with a pulse. But he didn’t want to make it weird. Everyone seemed to have already guessed his feelings about Judy. It was enough to make him feel like a freak.

But then again, Skye was attracted to a bunny………

An alert from his phone broke his contemplation. One quick glance showed it was from Finnick.

The video!

Nick couldn’t stop himself from pressing play, groaning as he saw his friend had his camera focused on the bunny from the waist down for the first thirty seconds. He felt himself grow indignant on her behalf. Until he pressed pause.

Feeling like he should be more disgusted with himself than he was, he got up and locked his door.

……………………..

Jack and Judy were a bit more talkative than Nick and Skye on their way back. Though Judy had tried to keep herself slightly distant from her irritated brother. Jack was having none of that, grabbing her paw when she fell back. He dragged her next to him as they headed for the cafe.

“Was that the first time or the last time I pick you up from the police station?” He asked, not looking at her. Judy dropped her ears and looked down.

“Last.”

“I’m glad to hear it. So, who started the fight?” The rabbit buck looked down at his sister as they got closer to the Perk. “And I’ll know if you’re lying.”

“……….I did…….” She looked up at him as they approached the doors, “But, Jack, he called me ‘cute’! Everyone knows you can’t call a rabbit ‘cute’! He did it to antagonize me!” Her brother allowed her to enter first, one paw rubbing the bridge of his nose, with his eyes squinted shut.

Jack released a sigh and headed around the counter. The cafe was still quiet, with only a couple new faces added to the seating area. Bobby, Kari, and Jon had paused their chat to look over at the two Hopps’. The elder threw his paws into the air and put on a horrified expression.

“Oh, no! Not ‘cute’! Anything but ‘cute’!” Jack brought his paws down and regarded her coldly. “Do you know how many mammals have called me cute while I’ve been in this city?” Judy shook her head.

“Way too many. My first year was a chorus of ‘Oh look at the cute little bunny and his cute little stripes!’” Jack snorted in disgust at the memory. “If you want to be a cop here, Jude, I guarantee you will hear mammals call you that everyday. So I suggest you get that nasty temper of yours under control and get over it,” her brother retrieved his apron from under the cash register, “or find a new dream. Making the world a better place starts with how you react to it.”

He looked over her shoulder to the tigress on the other side of the glass door. He gave her a small nod of acknowledgment, which she returned with a grin, before he focused back to Judy.

“Just, you know, stop with the emotionally unbalanced crap and start tapping into that sweet Hopps charm,” Jack grabbed an empty display plate from the case and handed it to Jon. The raccoon turned back to the kitchen with his boss following, calling over his shoulder as he did, “I can’t be the only Hopps’ that has it.”

Judy snorted as the tigress stopped next to her. She looked up into her friends amber eyes and shook her head.

“Know it all.” The bunny muttered.

“I heard that!” Judy winced but the tigress laughed at the rabbit’s antics.

“All set?” Brooklynn grinned down at her friend.

The two had met on Judy’s first weekend visit with Jack several months ago. She had gone into an ice cream store that served larger mammals. When the elephant behind the counter had tried to refuse the little bunny service, Brook had stepped in on her behalf. The two split a Junior Sunday and had been best friends ever since.

Looking at her brother through the order window, the doe sighed and nodded. The enthusiastic tigress bounced out with a thoughtful Judy following.

“By the way, why do you look like you picked a fight with a lawn mower?”

………………….

“Seriously? You got into a fight with Nick Wilde?” Brook almost ran into an elephant in her shock. Judy jumped to keep herself from being crushed by either of them.

“Yeah,” wrinkling her eyebrows, she peered up at her friend, “you know him?”

“Everyone knows the Wildes. Matthew Wilde was Zootopia’s first fox officer.”

“Real-oofftt!” In response to the statement, Judy’s head snapped up in surprise. Had she kept her eyes on the sidewalk, she wouldn’t have ran into the light post. With a now aching chin, the bunny thoughtfully processed what Brook had said to her. “What happened to him?”

Brook’s face grew a bit darker as the came to the precinct. A small collection of youths about their age were milling around a registration table.

“Did you hear about that night howler case a few years back?”

“I learned a little about it in school. For agriculture. I didn’t know there were any casualties.”

“Just one. Matthew Wilde and his partner were the ones working the case. One of the victims was a jaguar who went savage. The jaguar went after the partner, but Officer Wilde put himself between them. He died from his injuries the next day.”

Judy felt her ears drop as she thought about it. She had always wanted to be a cop and couldn’t imagine being anything else. But the risks were high. Of course, there was no guarantee she would be facing off with savage mammals but that didn’t mean some other freak occurrence couldn’t happen. She would have to some research on Officer Wilde.

And figure out how to face Nick when she saw him tomorrow. She was starting to feel a bite of guilt for her reaction earlier today. Giving a sigh, the bunny resolved to apologize to him and Skye.

Both females came up to the table, Judy’s ears barely peaking over it. The pig boar stood a bit to look over the table. Quirking his eyebrows at her, the pig seemed shocked when he spoke.

“You lost, little bunny?”

“No, I’m here for the camp,” Brook and Judy folded their arms, the bunny’s foot tapping a mile a minute. “The name’s Hopps and this is-“

“Brooklynn Fangmeyer.”

All three looked over to the lanky grey wolf standing with his paws on his hips. Brown eyes wide and bright as they rested on Brook, his tail wagged uncontrollably as his ears and grin skyrocketed up. Brook closed her eyes and groaned as he attempted a smooth stroll up to them.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing at a place like this?” He let his eyes go half lidded as he leaned up against the table. “My little kitten ready to run with the big dogs?”

Judy snorted into her hand as she looked between the two. She vaguely recognized him from somewhere. Brook opened her eyes and glared at him.

“Oh, David, I don’t have enough time to tell you how much I’m NOT your little kitten.” She glanced down at her friend still giggling, “Besides, I should save my energy for kicking your tail at the obstacle course.”

Wolford’s smile just got bigger.

“Whatever turns you on, gorgeous. My tail is yours to do WHATEVER you want with.” The wolf wagged his eyebrows suggestively at her. She did give him a small laugh.

“You know, Dave? You’re such a sweet, nice, charming pup,” she accepted hers and Judy’s name tags. She smirked at him before they both turned to join the rest of the group, “don’t make me hurt you.”

They left him still smiling after them. His tail wagging, he pulled out his phone to snap a quick picture of the bunny as she looked back at him. Starting a text message, he added the picture with a brief message and sent it out.

………………………………

Nick lay spent on his bed. The alert on his phone startled him, but he recovered quick enough to open it.

-guess whos at the camp- Wolfie

Nick had never gotten dressed so fast. Skye almost broke her neck as he bolted past on her way in.

“Hi Skye! Bye Skye! Gotta go to camp! See ya, love ya!”

#fangmeyer #wolford #finnick zootopia #skye zootopia #jack savage #judy hopps #nick wilde

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years ago

Text

992.

What to you believe happens to us after death? >> I’ve settled on “the lights go out and that’s that for my existence” as the most logical result. I’m actually disturbed by the concept of an afterlife -- one life is more than enough for me, I can’t imagine having to continue in some other realm. It baffles me that this could be a comforting thing to others when... don’t you just want to sleep? Wouldn’t you be tired? Consciousness takes so much energy. I mean, whatever. At the end of life I just want to curl up in the Great Void and take the eternal sleep. Have you ever cheated on someone? >> Yes. What are your plans for this weekend? >> The same as always -- grocery shopping, park meetup, laundry. Does the thought of growing old frighten you? >> Not usually. The only specific things that would frighten me are infirmity and terminal illness, but those aren’t guaranteed to happen with old age, they just become more and more likely the older you get (and if you get old enough, some level of infirmity is pretty impossible to avoid). Oh, and the other thing that frightens me is the American approach to ageing and dying -- everything is regarded as a fight against death, and I think at some point I would like to just accept my impending death and not have a myriad of weird medical techniques employed to keep me conscious (and for fucking what? just let me die with some dignity, not withered and noncommunicative and shitting myself in a hospital bed). What is the best movie you’ve ever seen? >> The question should be “what is your favourite movie?” and the answer to that question is “The Fountain”.

Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? >> Probably. Learned behaviour, you know. What is your favorite song of all time? >> I don’t have one. Has anyone you’ve known died on a holiday? >> No. If you could write a book, what would it be about? >> I don’t think I would write a book. I love to write, but only casually. Fanfiction is perfect for me in that regard. Do you think most people understand you? >> I don’t know. I assume most people aren’t terribly interested in me in the first place. Not even in an emo way, lol, just... that’s just the way it works. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? >> If I could change one unchangeable thing then it would definitely be to give myself the power to shapeshift. What are some lyrics that speak to your soul? >> The entirety of You Ain’t Coming Back by Zeal & Ardor, for one. Pearl Jam also has a lot of songs like that -- oh, and Guaranteed by Eddie Vedder, for the Into the Wild soundtrack.

Are you in love with anyone at the moment? >> No. Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time? >> The first question is whether I’ve ever been in love at all. But if I did/do have that capability, then there’s no reason it couldn’t happen with multiple people. Monogamy isn’t my bag. What is your favorite time of year? >> I really like this time of year in particular, and the winter holidays, activity-wise and vibe-wise. But the weather can be a downside. I do love spring best, but not much happens in spring, and it’s really short besides. :( What is your ideal first date? >> --- What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to you? >> *shrug* Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? >> Yeah, I have a few. What is the thing you are most ashamed of? >> Myself. Toxic shame is definitely a problem. I’m doing my best, but it’s going to take a lot of time and effort to unlearn thoughts and feelings that I’ve developed in childhood and have had reinforced ever since. What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? >> Grief. Sorrow. Loneliness. But also a certain kind of warmth and vibrancy and... love, I guess? that I think I only have access to when I’m willing to admit exactly how deep my sadness goes. Do you think of yourself as a unique person? >> As unique as anyone. What is a movie from childhood that you loved? >> The Prince of Egypt. Love*, though, not past tense. Are you afraid of death? >> Yes. But I’m pretty sure some of the various alternatives are more frightening -- being forced to live in a pain-riddled, broken body; being hooked up to a bunch of machines in a hospital, unable to communicate or interact with the world; being too afraid of death to recognise when it’s your time; the currently nonexistent but still disturbing idea of human immortality. I spent about a year wrestling with full-blown thanatophobia and that sucked, but the fear I have now is a more developed thing -- a sort of “holy terror”, I guess, that encompasses desire and awe and excitement along with the fear and anxiety and grief. I usually just say “I’m in love with death” but only other Scorpio dominants would understand that ~ What are your top three biggest fears, actually? >> A lot of chronic pain / terminal illness / that sort of thing; continuing to be conscious after death (hopefully this is as irrational a fear as I’m assuming it is); idk what else. Sandworms. Sure, let’s go with sandworms. Muad’dib I am not. Do you have an accent of any kind? >> Everyone does. I’d have to get a linguist or something to tell me what mine is, though, because I don’t have any idea. What do you want to be remembered for? >> --- What is your favorite number? >> 9 / 19. Do you have a favorite television show? If so, what is it? >> No, I just have a lot of favourites. Are you currently sad about anything? >> Not immediately. But sadness is kind of a default sub-feeling for me; it’s always accessible. What was your first job? >> Working in a casual restaurant. And what job do you have now? >> --- Have you ever changed your spiritual beliefs? >> Certainly, several times. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? >> Absinthe. Do you ever talk to yourself? >> Aside from Inner Child communication, I mostly just talk to other Inworlders, not myself. But to the average singlet, of course it would seem like talking to myself. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? >> Of course. What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? >> I don’t know. How do you celebrate your favorite holiday? >> I don’t really celebrate it, per se. I just enjoy the vibes and watch movies and listen to carols and... just immerse myself. I’m probably going to go full apeshit on my St Nick fixation this year, I can already feel it. Do you have a favorite book? If so, how many times have you read it? >> I don’t have one specific favourite book. Do you have any teachers from the past who inspired you? >> No. Do you prefer sad or happy music? >> I don’t have an emotional preference for music. My preference is that the music makes me feel something, but it doesn’t matter what the something is. Speaking of which, what is your favorite genre? >> I don’t have one. What is your best talent? >> *shrug* Have you ever wished you were from another country? >> No. What are you thinking about currently? >> Just these questions. What is the closest red thing to your body? >> Stella, one of my stuffed otters, is holding a red star (hence her name :D). What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable to speak about? >> My emotions. What is your favorite clothing store to shop at? >> --- Do you have anything you are extremely particular about? >> Oh, do I! Have you ever seen the ocean? >> Many times. I do miss it.

What is your most fond memory of your current S.O, if applicable? >> I don’t know, man. Do you find yourself confused often? >> Not often. What is your dream career? >> --- What was the best time of your life? >> --- Have you ever been on a cruise? >> Nope. Do you miss any of your exes? >> Nope. Who would you like to say something to? >> I don’t want to say anything to anyone right now. Are you religious? >> I’m something. Do you think you are attractive? >> Not usually. How many people have you slept with? >> Too many. Do you consider yourself a catch? >> I don’t. Again, toxic shame is a fuck. But even with that, I feel like deep down I do feel that I have value, that my existence is worth something, that I have something to offer to other people even if not everyone recognises or accepts it. I’ve just been so convinced otherwise that it’s hard for me to believe my own self. How could all those other people be wrong, and I’m the only one that’s right? (It sure sounds fallacious when you put it that way, doesn’t it? This is when being too logical just ruins your life.) Do you enjoy naps? >> No. What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? >> I eat Nuggs with barbecue sauce. I have this one that has no HFCS in it and now I like bbq sauce again! (Really got tired of bbq sauces being sweet as fuck for no reason, like everything else in this country.) Are you happy? >> Sometimes. What do you think you could do to improve your life? >> I could probably exercise more. But it’s damn near impossible to motivate myself to doing something I find tedious and unfun that has no immediate good results. There’s got to be a way I can get more exercise without brute-forcing myself into doing something I don’t want to do. I just haven’t found that way yet (and like, we can’t fit exercise equipment into this apartment, so while an exercise bike or treadmill sounds like a perfect solution for me, it’s not one I can employ right now).

#not for reblogging *glare*

0 notes

surveys-at-your-service · 7 years ago

Text

Survey #112

“i’m like a jesus crisis.”

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? He wasn't wasted or anything, but I'm pretty sure he was drunk with how ungodly talkative he was, and was way more expressive of emotions than he naturally was. Do you like going to weddings? I do again now. Although I haven't been to one since recovery, I'm sure I'd handle it fine and actually be happy this time. I need to get more comfortable in that setting since I'd actually really like a big part of my hopeful photography career to be weddings. Such a big celebration of love is something I adore. I already just like taking pictures of couples. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? BECAME pregnant, uh, I think a person I'm actually doing pictures for in January. Beach, city, or mountains? M O U N T A I N S. DAMMIT they're so beautiful. You get a call at 2:00 a.m. - your first thought is: My instinctive answer to this question is, "is something wrong with Sara?" I live with my mom and sister, so it wouldn't be them, and it's not like Ashley calls me if there's trouble, she'd call Mom. Dad would call Ashley. She's pretty much the only thing that would come to mind if someone called me at 2:00 A.M. Future names of your children: I'm not having kids, but I'd absolutely name my daughter Alessandra and my son probably Luther, Vincent, or Victor. How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? She's aware I'm a virgin but have "done things." Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? Nick and very recently Joshua. I don't know if one's married or anything whatsoever, two are in relationships, idk about my brother. Do you think age matters in relationships? In romantic relationships, yes. What brand of face wash do you use? Biore. What’s the last letter of your last name? S Did your parents give you an allowance as a kid? No, we couldn't afford to do that. Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career? No, and that's the reason I'm not pursuing being a meerkat biologist. Do you have any lingerie? Lol no, no one wants to see me in that. What was the shortest amount of time you knew someone before dating them? A few weeks. Maybe a little less than a month. What is your favorite app on your phone? Fuckin' thanks Sara, DragonVale. I love Pinterest more when I actually go on it, but I don't use it a lot. Which of your pets were you closest to in your lifetime? The dog I have now, Teddy. Who are you most proud of? Myself. I don't mean that in an arrogant way, but seriously. I don't over-exaggerate what I've been through, but I don't make it sound lesser than what it was, either. I know I should be proud. When you’re eating pizza do you add anything like crushed peppers, parmesan cheese or hot sauce to it? No. Jason got me into adding hot sauce to jalapeno pizza (we wanted death, I know), but I don't do it now. Loved it, but I think it being slightly less hot was more enjoyable. When was the last time that you plucked your eyebrows? I've never plucked them; I used to get them waxed, but no longer do. Don't see the point- they're just going to grow back, and quickly, and I'm not wasting money on that maintenance. It's not like normal eyebrows are hideous anyway. Do you ever argue or debate with people about your beliefs? I will avoid this at all costs. I hate it. When’s the last time you had Sunny D? Holy moly, I couldn't tell you. But it used to sometimes give me heartburn, so I could only fucking imagine drinking it now if I hadn't taken my heartburn medication. Would you turn a family member in if you see them commit murder? Duh. Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? A total stranger, honestly, no. I don't know anything about that person. Could be a piece of shit. Have you ever embarrassed someone intentionally in public? I don't remember ever doing so, and I never could now. As someone with AvPD, I know how fucking awful embarrassment can be. Plus it's just rude to try to make someone uncomfortable like that. Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? I'm perfectly aware this is wrong, but a woman. I'm afraid of and don't trust men. Are you satisfied with the picture on your ID card? Hell no. Thank God I look like a totally different person now. What fruit did you last eat? Hmmm, maybe strawberries? What font do you use most? I prefer Garamond for basic things. Are you allergic to anything? Pollen, big time, and silver. Where is your dad from? Ohio. ... Or maybe he was born in Michigan but grew up in Ohio. Idk. Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? Ashley's co-worker's. What was the first thing you learned how to cook? Scrambled eggs. And it's still the only thing I know how to cook lmao. What are some wild animals commonly found where you live? Squirrels and birds are the only things you commonly see. But you'll see a deer sometimes, too, and more rarely a rabbit. I think I've seen a fox once in my entire life. Oh yeah, you'll see possums and raccoons sometimes at night. Does it take a lot to make you cry? Noooope. Well, yes to physical pain. What’s the longest hospital stay you’ve had? For what? Uhhh I think I was there for two weeks. Mental stuff. Do you know any same-sex married couples? Hm... I actually don't think I personally do. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? There was a point where we dated, Jason was like my only real life friend lol, so he was. Now I call my girlfriend my best friend, but if you don't include s/os, then my current one would be a guy. Skim, 1%, 2% or whole milk? Eh, probably 2%. Was the last person you kissed physically attractive? Personally, I wasn't physically attracted to him. But he's definitely not an ugly guy or anything. Do you prefer to say “haha” or “lol?” I'd say I use them just about the same amount... maybe "lol" more? How many stories does your house have? One. Were you dreams very vivid as a child? Yes. Do you eat meat? If you do, what is your justification for it? Yes. One, the human diet is meant to contain meat. It's much easier for our bodies to receive the nutrients it needs with meat. Two, it's part of population control. Yes, I know, you could argue the exact same for humans, but it's not like a sane person's gonna start eating humans. Three, it's just the food chain. Humans are on top of it. The process of killing an animal for food seems horrible and cruel, I know, and I doubt I personally could do it unless it was a survival situation, but I don't see it as morally wrong. Do you think that time travel is a possibility? I don't think it's possible, really. And if it ever happened, you can bet we'd fuck shit up. Do you enjoy night or day better? I've actually gotten to where I enjoy day. I strangely have a much higher chance of experiencing anxiety at night, which has kinda turned me away from it. Plus I have more energy and am generally in a better mood over all in the early day. Have you ever been to a protest? No. But the more and more passionate I get about gay rights, I'd absolutely partake in a *peaceful* protest regarding that subject now if one was nearby. Worst decision you ever made? Let a heavily flawed person essentially become God to me. Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups? Eh, depends on the mood of those who would be involved, including myself. Bambi or Nemo? Nemo. I've actually never seen Bambi, but I love Nemo. Lil cutie. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Don and Aaron, yeah. Well wait, Juan too, but I barely even consider him an ex. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating, when you actually didn’t? No. If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? I have a short portion on the left and then the rest is shoulder-length. After seeing myself with a bit of short hair, I'm thinking of getting a purely short haircut eventually. Built my confidence up when Mom said she thought I'd probably look nice with a short hairstyle after seeing my new haircut. It'd be something different. What area of science interests you the most? Genetics. Have you ever been in an inflatable bouncy house? Yeah. Do you think there will be a WWIII? Yes, eventually. I don't think humanity's going anywhere too soon, and there's too many militant people. What are things you’re exceptionally good at? Uh. Going into full-blown panic mode over stupid shit?? That's my specialty. Do you have any good book ideas? I think a ton of the stories within my friend group's RP would make amazing novels, but I highly doubt any of us will ever actually make books about it. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Mixed feelings. I just don't think some people deserve being nice to, but a part of me says you should treat everyone with kindness regardless, all the while not letting people get away with shit. Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? Fuck yes it can be. Some people will take one worse than the other, but both are fucking awful. Both can ruin someone's life. Zelda Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I have zero interest in Zelda. Do you own a rosary? I'm sure I have one somewhere. I was raised Roman Catholic, and essentially every Catholic has one. What's the hardest game you've ever played? Fucking Dark Souls. I gave it a good effort, but did nooot get that far. The difficulty honestly drained all the fun out of it. The hardest game I've ever beaten, uhhh... omg. Maybe it was just my age/when I played it, but "The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night" was so. Fucking. Hard. It literally took me a year or so playing it on-and-off to beat it. Fantastic game, but my god it was hard. "Parasite Eve" was also pretty damn hard (mostly thanks to the last boss, jc), but I definitely beat it faster. Would you ever try Fear Factor for one million dollars? Why or why not? No, wouldn't see the point in wasting the time. I KNOW I would never get past the second day where you eat some crazy shit. Nope. Couldn't do most things they do due to me being a germaphobe, either. If you have a camera, when do you use flash? I never do because I hate the lighting personally, plus the red eyes are just no. I'd need to learn more about properly using it. What do you call your grandparents? Grammy and Grandpa. What color do you usually paint your nails? I don't paint my nails. Do you look better with red lipstick or black lipstick? I personally think black. It fits me better. How many times have you actually been in love? Once. I'm not to that point in my current relationship, but I most certainly love her. There's a difference. How many pills do you take a day? Five. Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah. Do you want a church wedding? Definitely not, that's way too traditional for my taste. Have you ever met any celebrities? Lol you don't meet celebrities among my interests in NC. One day. Have you ever tried archery? No, but I was interested in it once. Favorite foreign food? Hm. I'm not sure. Were your ancestors royalty? I only know of Queen Victoria. Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? Throughout. Would you ever move to Canada? Sure. I mean it wouldn't be my first pick for sure, but there's beautiful landscapes, and it at least seems to have way less drama than here. What about Kansas? Tornado Alley? Fuck that shit. When you go swimming, do you put your hair up or down? I keep it down. What do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else? Ohhh. This really depends on the person. Coolest... probably collarbone dermals. If mine were actually prominent and dermals didn't make me nervous, I'd probably have them. They're beautiful, but seem super painful. And risky. Are you attracted to girls? I've pretty quickly realized I'm more attracted to them than men both physically and emotionally. Growing up what were your favorite cartoon characters? I loved both Pikachu and Ash. Do you know anyone in a wheelchair? I don't believe so. If heaven or hell didn’t exist and wasn’t a reward would you still make an effort in being a good person? Duh. Do you want your kids to go to church, synagogue, temple, mosque? Why? If I had kids, I wouldn't force them to go. I don't even go. Do you think starting a gofundme is begging or helpful? It can be either depending on the reason and person's honest intentions. Could you put your dreams on hold to support your bf/gf pursuing theirs? On hold? Yes. How long should sex last? It depends on the couple and how they're feeling. But once one person wants to stop, you stop. Five year plan? Go! Move out and have a stable job. Those are the main two things. Other things will fall into place. Can you be content if you are physically uncomfortable? I couldn't be. Do you have pictures of your friends, and family in your bedroom? No. How old were you when you went on your first date? That was like 7th grade, don't know age. Me, Aaron, and I think two other friends went to a roller rink. It was enough of a date for middle schoolers lol. Have you ever had surgery, if so for what? Tubes put in ears when I was 2, pilonidal cyst surgery July this year. Have you ever seen a shark, and if so, were you scared? Never in the wild, just in aquariums. They never scared me. Such majestic creatures. Now if I saw one in the ocean, yeah, I'd be scared. Have you ever gone fishing, or is that totally yucky? Fishing with Dad may just hold my all-time favorite childhood memories. One of my most cherished memories is this time Dad, Nicole, and I woke up really early to go out on the boat at the nearby river to fish 'til around noon, when activity slows down. So peaceful and beautiful out there, I'd love to fish there again with him. I remember it so clearly that I can recall I packed those tiny 3 Musketeers chocolates and Nicole brought Snickers, lol. Didn't have breakfast since we left so early. Man... so many good memories related to fishing. Do you enjoy museums, or think they are totally boring? I. LOVE. Museums. Do you think illegally downloading things is wrong? My conscience says yes. You're stealing. Yet I still download music. Oops. Have you and your friend ever liked the same guy/girl? Not that I know of. Do you tell your best friend everything? I tell Sara just about every little thing. Ever taken any lessons for anything? Guitar lessons, yeah. Do you call it pop, soda, or fizzy drink? Soda. Do you like french fries, cheese and gravy mixed together? Uh, that sounds horrid, even without the fact I hate gravy. Do you live in a house, apartment, or what? House. How hot does the temperature get in the summer where you live? Mid-high 90s, low 100s. Sometimes high 80s. When was the last time you had a headache? What about stomachache? Headache, a couple days ago or so. I get them a lot. Stomachache, not since I got sick two or so months back. Where is your second home? Uh. I guess my dad's? Honestly, could you live without your computer? Honestly, after being exposed to one for so long, I couldn't live happily, no. Not unless I just adjusted to not having one after a very, very long time, but I don't even know if that would happen. What is more annoying, people who take forever to reply to texts or when they only say ‘K’? I stg do not reply to me with just "k." Is family the most important thing in your life? If not, what is? My definition of family is different than the traditional. Just like friends, for me, you pick "real" family. Say I'm related to an absolute asshole; by actual definition, they'd be family, but to me, nope. I can put other people above "actual" family, so to answer the question, not necessarily. After taking a shower, do you change in the bathroom or the bedroom? Bathroom. Are you completely over your last relationship? There was nothing to get over. I never got to where I loved him and doubt I ever could. It was just awkward. Last 3 movies you watched? "Monster House," "Corpse Bride," and uhhh... pretty sure "Coraline." Do you get stage fright? Well, when I used to dance, it wasn't that bad since I was with others. Now, I'm not so sure how I'd be. When was the last time you read a whole book, to the last page exactly? February. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? Pretty sure yes. Do you love your computer? MY laptop, yes. The one I currently have to use, ew. Is there an outdoor movie theater where you live? No. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Both. Mom claimed she wasn't, but I think she was. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. What’s your favorite thing to eat during a movie? Popcorn. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. Would you rather live without your Facebook or Tumblr? Facebook. What Lisa Frank character is your favorite? Ohhh, the angelic cat. If you inherited a large sum of money what is the first thing you’d buy? A train ticket. What did you do with your baby teeth when they fell out? Mom kept them. What is the last thing you took a photograph of? My snake. <3 Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? It's technically a bookshelf I think, but we store our DVDs there. If you answered yes to the above, are your books ordered in a special way? The DVDs are in alphabetical order. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? If they were guaranteed to not attack their owners/be docile and I could care for it appropriately, sure, I'd keep a smaller raptor. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? It's not consistent. If you could choose only one thing from Walmart, what would it be? Hot fries or Takis, depending on my mood. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? Dye everything.

#survey #quiz #questions

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blackwing2230-blog · 7 years ago

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Hey everyone! NickHopps_JudyWilde here with the next chapter of Honeymoon Vacation, “That One Call”. It took a but but it’s finally here, and I know some of you have been waiting for this for a while and I apologize for the wait. Thank you all who have read, reviewed and commented on this! Love you all!❤️

And again, I have to thank @quirky-middle-child for the awesome commission he did for me and this chapter! You’re awesome man!

So, without any further delay, here is the next chapter of Honeymoon Vacation!

That One Call

“Mr. Wilde, do you have anything to add before you say your vows?” The leopard preacher asked Nick.

Nick gulped down the nervous lump stuck in the back of his throat. He looked out to the crowd, eyes looking for his mother, just to ease his nerves that just skyrocketed out of him.

With shaky paws, he reached into the pockets of his dress coat and pulled out the small white note cards he had written his vows down the night before. He read them, re-read them, and memorized every single word he had written down to the smallest detail. But as soon as he brought them out, his mind went blank.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Nicks mind frantically screamed out to him.

He stood there, paws and feet shaking. He looked to the pastor, then to Judy, who were both waiting for him, as was the rest of the mammals in the church. A few coughs from someone out in the pews indicated to the red fox that he was taking long.

“Pull yourself together, you dumb fox,” he told himself. “Mammal up. It’s now or never.”

He breathed out a nervous breath of air and began.

“Well, I did have a little something memorized, but it seems that my brain isn’t working at the moment,” he announced nervously.

The crowd, pastor and Judy all laughed and chuckled.

“Dumb fox,” Judy mumbled with a chuckle, her violet eyes shining towards Nick.

“But,” he continued. “I’m just gonna go with my gut on his one.” He then tossed the note cards back into his pocket. He cleared his throat, looking into Judy’s eyes that he loved so much, speaking his vows to her very soul.

“Judy, honestly, there isn’t enough words in all of Zootopia that could define how much love I have for you, and how you make me feel. I can still remember the first day I met you, back when you were just a little meter maid, in Jumbeaux’s Café. Most of you know the story, but even then, I had always found you really attractive, and quite beautiful, even for a cute bunny.”

He knew that this was the only time that Judy and her family wouldn’t blurt out about calling rabbits cute. He saw in Judy’s face that she wanted to.

“We solved one of the biggest cases in Zootopia together. And even through all the struggles you had to endure, my complete stubbornness against helping you in the beginning of the Missing Mammals case, and a few large speed bumps in the beginning of our relationship, you have become one of the most important mammal in my life. Everyday you prove to everyone that you truly can be anything you want to be, as long as you strive for your goal and never quit. You’ve also changed me from being the sly con fox who hustled others for a buck into an officer to help, serve and protect others while making the world a better place. As your husband and partner, I will protect you from all the dangers that cross our path in the line of duty. But I also can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you by my side, my sly bunny.”

Tears threatened to spill out of his and Judy’s eyes. He almost choked on a few of his words during his just thought of vows. But he did it. He made his vows to the love of his life, in front of family and friends for all to see.

“Thank you Mr. Wilde,” the pastor smiled with a nod of his head. He then turned his attention to Judy. “Now, Ms. Hopps, your vows…”

***********

Nick stood there on the dance floor of the country bar, petrified. He couldn’t move a muscle, he couldn’t even blink, not with those five gazes looking right at him. Into his very being.

Judy felt Nicks paw shaking in hers, but did not take her somber gaze off of the five mammals who stood in front of them, like they owned the place.

“You know, I almost didn’t believe Kieran here when he told me that you were actually here,” the beaver spoke out with a slight lisp. “But here he is, Nick Wilde, in the flesh.” He smiled wide, exposing more of the two huge front teeth.

Judy knew every single one of their names perfectly. The beavers name was Sam Logger, the leader of the bullies who had placed the muzzle on Nick when they were children. He wore an olive green collared shirt that had many stains on it with slightly torn blue jeans.

Next was Tim Underwood, the horse with the mangy mane. Though his mane was a complete mess, he was well dressed. He wore a black button shirt that complimented his brown coat very well with a pair of a pair of khaki shorts.

The one next to Tim was Mo Hamad, a wildebeest with multiple laceration scars on his forearms with chipped hooves, more than likely from previous violent fights. He wore a red striped shirt with an odd colored pair of sun yellow shorts that did not match him in the least.

She knew Kieran already. That smug zebra that had basically cheated them of their taxi ride, while portraying his distaste for interspecies couples.

The last mammal of the group was Simon Lim, the hippo. Out of all five of them, he was the largest. The shirt he wore was one size too small, exposing a small part of his stomach. One of his large teeth was chipped, almost to the point where it was non existent.

“Seems you haven’t changed a bit there, Nicky boy,” Tim said in a deep voice. His smile was large, matching the size of his snout. He moved in closer to Nick, reaching out a hoof towards him.

But Nick quickly backed away from Tim’s movement. His breathing was slow, shaking him to his core. He hadn’t blinked once as he stood there.

Tim withdrew his hoof and backed off, returning next to Mo. He saw the red foxes tenseness and the way he was shaking. He smiled on the inside, pleased is what he was feeling. He had that same terrified look on his face when they were in the basement of the junior ranger scouts building.

“Out for a little late night dancing?” Sam asked Nick, who remained silent.

“That’s right, we are,” Judy spoke harshly, her foot tapping with agitation on the floor.

Sam looked over to the gray bunny who had just spoke to him in a harsh tone. His eyelids lowered to a small scowl. “And you are?”

“I’m his wife. Judy Wilde.” She brought Nick close to her so she could try and snap him out of the trance he was trapped in. “And you and your buddies are the ones who hurt Nick when he was a kid.”

“Wife?” Simon broke in.

“You’re married?” This time, Mo asked.

“Yes, we are,” Judy replied proudly.

The group of five mammals each held different expressions from what Judy just told them. Kieran was already aware of the situation that these two freaks, he considered them, were in. He neglected to tell the others because he wanted them to hear it first hand if he ever encountered the two again.

“Oh, well, that’s quite the news,” Sam confessed, holding in the distaste in his mouth. “Congratulations.” He meant none of what he just said

Judy didn’t even acknowledge the beaver. She just replied, saying “I want to know why you muzzled him. He never did anything to you or your friends.”

She was demanding an explanation and she wasn’t going to leave without one.

“We were kids then,” Kieran defended. “It was a different time back then. We were just protecting ourselves in case… Something were to happen.”

While Kieran talked, Nick broke out of his trance, but was still slightly shaking.

“That’s no excuse!” Judy snapped back, a bit of spit leaving her mouth towards the five mammals. “I was afraid of foxes when I was a child too, but never in my life did I want to muzzle them! All Nick wanted to do was become a ranger scout just like you! And you stole that from him, along with his innocence and sense of belonging.”

“What is it you want then?” The brawny beaver asked coldly. “An apology?”

As Judy was about to exclaim, Nick grasped her paw and pulled her away. “We’re going Judy. Just let it go.”

“Nick! What are you…” Judy pleaded to deaf ears.

Nick walked straight to the entrance, even when Judy tried pulling him back with all her might. But all she was able to do was just slid across the floor while glaring back at the five mammals. She had so much more to say to those bastards of mammals who hurt her husband and wanted to curse their very beings.

Kieran stepped forward, ready to chase down the fox and bunny, but was stopped with the stubby arm of Sam.

“Don’t,” the beaver bluntly stated.

The zebra looked down to his old friend with a dumbfound expression. “You’re just gonna let them go?”

“For now. At least we know that what you told us wasn’t a lie. But right now, we have our own little ‘problem’ to deal with.”

Sam looked to Simon and Kieran to his right, and then to Tim and and Mo to his left. He nodded to them, and they nodded back, knowing exactly what the beaver had in mind.

Judy and Nick took a cab back to the hotel. Nick was silent. His ears down and his eyes were glued to the floor. The unexpected meeting with the rest of the bullies from his past was more than he had wanted in their honeymoon. Every breath he took was one more he heaved to try and calm himself down.

Judy however, was not in the same mindset as her husband. She was completely and utterly pissed. Her arms were crossed in annoyance, her cheeks puffed out with hot air with consistency in each huff of air. Her tail twitched and nose twitched in response to her flustered self.

Neither one of the two spoke on the way back. One was thinking that if she spoke, she would blow things out of proportion. The other, well, he was self explanatory. He was almost too scared to even talk, and he had every reason to be.

After paying the cab fee, Judy stormed into the hotel elevators. Her stomping feet echoed in the almost empty waiting room, loud enough even to cover up the volume of the TVs. Her ears were pointed forward. It was a sign to tell everyone around that she was very angry.

Nick followed behind his angry bunny wife with his paws in his pockets. He was scuffing his feet. He had a feeling he knew what was about to come once Judy and himself get back to their room.

The elevator ride and the small walk back to their room was still filled with silence between the married couple.

Judy placed her card through the card reader, aggressively sliding it through. It misread two or three times before Judy about punched the door, the fourth time finally read.

She stomped in towards the bedroom, not realizing that the door almost hit Nick in the nose. Though he wasn’t paying as much attention as he normally was, he was able to deflect it before it hit him. Their room was dark, besides the bedroom light that illuminated out into the kitchen and living room.

Nick crept his way into the doorway, peering his head around the corner. He saw his bunny sitting on the edge of the bed, her paws lying down by her side, her jewels of amethyst staring at the ground.

Her ears moved to the sound of the door silently creaking open. She saw the outline of large red colored feet approaching her, knowing that they belonged to Nick.

“Carrots, I…”

“Why didn’t you stand up to them Nick?” She asked before letting Nick finish what he was about to say.

He was surprised to the tone in which Judy spoke. It was calm, and collected. But he didn’t have an answer for her. Deep down inside of him, he knew, and he knew Judy knew as well. His head dipped down, dread covering his emotions.

“I just couldn’t do anything. I was frozen” was all he could mutter.

She turned her gaze back to her husband. “That was your chance to finally earn an explanation from those… Those… Dirtbags. But you just left. Like a coward.”

She could have called them much worse than 'dirtbags’ but held back the profanity. Her adrenaline was rushing through her veins at just the thought of the former bullies.

Judy calling him a coward made his muzzle shoot up, looking at her with new found aggression.

“A coward?” He questioned strictly. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be muzzled as child? Or how I felt that day knowing that I was worthless?” He glared at her menacingly. His anger flared inside of him, an action he had only shown to Judy when he thought he caught her cheating.

“Nick, I didn’t mean it like that,” she defended, now standing in front on Nick.

“Then what did you mean, Carrots?”

She groaned loudly, annoyed with Nick. “Why are you making this such a big deal? All I’m saying is that you ran off instead of confronting them.”

“It’s that easy huh? Just walk up the bullies of your past, who are by the way much larger than they were when you were a kit and say 'Hey! Remember me? The kid you put a muzzle on in ranger scouts? Yeah, I want an apology from you’? Things don’t work like that in the real world Carrots. And I know that you had an easier time with your bully as he apologized to you, but those guys could probably care less about apologizing to me, a fox.”

“It wasn’t that easy Nick!” Judy yelled, her arms flying up into the air. “I may not have been muzzled, but I was attacked as a kit too,” she countered, pointing to the scars on her left cheek. “And if you remember, I wasn’t too fond of foxes throughout my life after Gideon Gray. But you changed all of that.”

Nicks heavy breathing slowed down to a more sophisticated and calm way. She had told him the story about the run in with Gideon many times and how through her childhood she always had her eyes on foxes to make sure that they weren’t up to no good.

But he knew that she was right. About how she felt about foxes before they ever met and how she had grown to care for him after the case.

“That, back there, wasn’t the Nick i knew. The Nick I know would have stood up to even the largest mammals. You’re the most fearless animal I know in the whole world Nick, but I don’t want you to be fearful of these guys. They don’t deserve to see you scared, or even to see you in general.”

She moved in closer to Nick, but ever so slowly. He eyed her movements step by step, watching her small gray feet drawing in closer to his. She reached out a paw to his closed paw, taking hold but with hesitancy. The sense of trouble and anger coming off of Nick was strong. The air was filled with it, stale and heavy.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you Nick. And I’m sorry for calling you something that you aren’t. I’m just… Really angry with them,” she growled, grinding her teeth to the cringing thought of ten.

She hated raising her voice to him, and what’s more, she hated seeing Nick this way. In all honesty, she was scared for him.

“I’m sorry too Carrots,” he sighed heavily with regret. “I guess we were both surprised tonight by them. I don’t like yelling at you Judy. I was out of line for doing so.”

He lifted her paw to his muzzle and kissed the top of it.

“It’s okay Nick,” she replied whilst pulling him close to her. She buried her nose deep into his belly, squeezing her fox as tight as she could. Nick in turn placed his chin on top of her head, enveloping his arms around her. He felt the baby bump against his legs with Judy’s comforting embrace. That’s when he felt himself completely calm, as if the agony of the past he felt when he was the young tod faded away with the knowledge of their growing heartbeat of their baby.

“How 'bout we head to bed?” Judy asked with eyes closed against her foxes stomach, content.

“That sounds good right about now,” he chuckled. He was worn out, physically and mentally, as was his wife.

They eventually found their way under the covers of their awaiting comforter. But the night was filled with more than just a peaceful nights rest.

Many times throughout the night, Judy would awake to Nick rustling the comforter in his sleep. She lost count to how many times she had woken up, two, three, or four times? She had no clue. But all she could remember was his whimpers of help, like he were having a nightmare.

Nightmare was an understatement, if anything, watered down.

Nick was re-dreaming about the night with Sam, Kieran and the others. The same scene replayed over and over in his head. Being muzzled, constantly, over and over and over again. How many times, he didn’t know. A couple dozen? Maybe a hundred? It was like being tortured with the consistency of being stabbed in the heart with pin needles every second, for years on end.

His heart raced with fear, thudding in his rib cage, ready to burst out at any second.

The only way that he was able to calm down was to the warm loving touch of Judy. And all she had to do was wrap her arms around him, being big spoon. He whimpered and scratched the bed for a few seconds after she touched him, but soon stopped.

His body may have been calm, but the nightmare still replayed in his mind.

When morning arose, Judy felt the immediate results of getting little sleep. Her body ached in places she didn’t know were possible. Her eye lids were heavy and her arm that she placed underneath Nick had fallen asleep to the point where she couldn’t even feel it anymore.

Her body begged her to stay in bed, but she had to get up to stretch her sore and tired muscles. She sat up and extended her arms, feeling her sore back muscles and shoulder blades loosen. Everyday the baby would grow, and everyday, Judy could feel the tight pressure on her lower back building. She had no shirt on so it was easier for her to limber up.

She hopped off of the bed as quietly as she could without waking the now sound asleep fox just a paw lengths away from her. Her hamstrings had almost cramped when her feet hit the wood floor. They hadn’t fully awakened and the shock from being forced to do their jobs tightened her legs.

She slowly leaned over, allowing the tendons and muscles to extend so she wouldn’t cause herself any more pain from the possible cramps.

A small grunt left from within her throat from both her tender muscles and the baby bump. She could feel every movement from the baby and her skin and fur stretching, like tiny little growth spurts.

Meanwhile, Nicks ears were fluttering to Judy’s small grunts. The sound of her squeaks awoke one of his emerald eyes, the other refusing to budge from him being restless throughout the night.

“Morning sweetheart,” he mumbled tiredly, shifting his body over onto Judy’s side of the bed.

Judy stood up and stretched her arms once more with a wide yawn, her belly growing outwards as she stretched. “Good morning Mr. Restless. How’d you sleep?” She grumbled, watching her fox starting to stretch his own aching muscles.

The foxes eyes looked upon his wife, whilst his ears fell back to his head. He shook his head in reply, the memory of the nightmare still drilled into his mind.

“What was it about?” Judy asked , sitting back down next to her discouraged husband, her paw instinctively placing itself on his shoulder.

Nick took hold of his bunnies paw on his shoulder and tilted his head so his cheek was covering both of their paws.

“It was about Kieran and the others,” he proclaimed, his stare not moving from his feet that were uncovered. “The night they attacked me.”

“How bad was it?” She asked as an anxious feeling began showing itself.

“I lost count of how many times I was muzzled. It just replayed over and over. I was like a spectator to my own nightmare. And no matter how hard I tried to yell out to myself to fight back, nothing came out. All I could do was watch, hundreds of times.”

The paw that Judy placed on Nick’s shoulder quickly slid its way around his back, followed by her other arm that wrapped itself around his neck.

She hadn’t realized until now the damage that Kieran and his friends had caused Nick mentally until now. She saw fear in his eyes, even when it was just a dream. She knew it was a dramatic experience for him, but not to the extent that he was showing. And all she did the night before was call him a coward for not standing up to them.

“I’m so sorry Nick,” she cried, the salty water droplets in her eyes threatening to spill out. “I shouldn’t have said what I said last night. I didn’t know that it scarred you that badly.”

Her hold on him tightened with each breath of weeping air. She hadn’t expected herself to cry in that moment, but it didn’t matter to her just as long as he knew that she was truly sorry.

He heard her whimpers and the instantly felt the tightening pressure around his neck. But despite almost being choked, he still managed to wrap his arms around Judy.

“It’s all right Carrots,” he choked, struggling to get air into his lungs.

“Ummm… Could you… Possibly… loosen your hug a little Carrots?”

Judy’s attention was brought back. Her eyes opened with surprise from hearing Nick choking his words.

“Oh! I’m sorry Nick,” she sniffled, releasing the tension around his neck.

His paws had been sitting by his side the whole time, until one of them found its way at to the back of Judy’s soft head, right behind the ears, while the other caressed her back. He held her passionately, rubbing his paws softly on her head.

“No need for bunny tears, my adorable bunny. I’ll be okay,” he concluded, drawing Judy out of his shoulder so she was looking at him. He wiped a tear as it just fell from shimmering eyes.

“Are you sure? Nick, if you’re not, I need to know.”

He could hear the seriousness in her voice through the sadness. Because he knew that didn’t like seeing him change from his happy, sarcastic and sometimes smug self into a pile of tears and self loathing.

“I mean, I’m not one-hundred percent fine. I’m stressed to high heaven to be completely honest. But you’ll be the only one who’ll know that. Remember what I say,”

“'Never let them see that they get to you’,” Judy finished, rolling her eyes sarcastically. She sniffed two more times before ridding the left over water in her eyes with a broken up chuckle.

Nick chuckled along with her, a smile growing across his muzzle. But whether it was a real one or not, he couldn’t decipher. And just like Judy had repeated by not letting them see, he wasn’t showing everything that he was still feeling. He only said that he was okay just so Judy’s smile would return. Even when he was hurting on the inside, it was all worth it when the bright smile from his bunny was shining towards him. Nothing mattered as long as his wife was happy, which also meant that the baby was happy.

“Come 'ere you cute bunny,” he called, tracing his pointer claw lightly over Judy’s spine, a very sensitive, and quite ticklish spot for her.

Ripples of sensation pierced the nerves in her back, chills reaching the tips of her ears down to her toes. Her back arched as she bit down on her lip, an indentation in her forehead showing her pleasure. She moaned, fighting the urge to yell her favorite line of don’t call me cute.

“You… This will be the only time you can call me cute slick,” she breathed, the feminine hormones within her erupting, drowning out the 'C’ word he just called her.

Nick smiled proudly with his gaze to the back of the bunnies head. “You always say that fluff. And yet, I still get away with it.”

He was right, Judy admitted to herself. But, she liked it, secretly of course. She enjoyed the sly smile he wore whenever he could get away with things that she didn’t like. Especially when it came to calling her cute.

#zootopia #wildehopps #nick wilde #judy hopps #jack savage #skye

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