#oh no you know what i take that back. you can use google. id use google

[dumber-alek]

I'm trying and failing not to be autistic about it but god I'm loosing my mind when people talk about a 'tumblr accent'

I know they're being like hahah jokies it's silly we call it an accent BUT ITS A DIALECT. A SOCIOLECT ACTUALLY

What you're talking about is not an accent!!! An accent is based in phonetics!!! There's no varying phonetics on Tumblr it's just text!!!

Maybe this came from stuff like 'tiktok accent' which actually makes sense for tiktok, because they're speaking with a similar rhythm and cadence.

I can stop no one from doing shit and I may be a spoilsport but it's 'chat is a pronoun' of linguistic misinformation to me.

[renranram]

baby making with quackity. 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Baby Making!

q. version ヘ⁠（⁠。⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠ヘ

nsfw!

this is quackity version of my schlatt one!

word count: 1976!

( i made him speak spanish, i apologize please just use google if you're struggling with understanding, also do correct me if im wrong enjoy!! )

the discussion of having children hasn't came up to you and alex’s relationship, both of you are aware of the large responsibilities it came with

but god forbid alex quackity having a tiktok account, his fyp filled with baby videos that he couldn't help but coo to

“ after marriage “ that's two of you agreed to, after marriage then children, but can't the man just dream?

the boy had been giving you subtle hints, during one time, on live, his viewers notices a pair of baby shoes and started spamming about it, “ oh this? “ he picks up the small shoes, beige brown

< ilikemymenlikequack: is (y/n) pregnant??

< quackadoodledoo: ALEXIS FATHER ERA?

< husbandkosialex: WOI OMG??

“ chat, (y/n) isn't pregnant yet, i just found these on amazon and thought it was cute, “ alex shows off the baby shoes, fixing his beanie with a smile, “ id like to be a dad one day tho “

and it continued, “ chat, isn't this cute? “ alex asks, showing off semi realistic baby doll, one that was given to him during twitchcon, “ it looks so fucking cool “ he chuckles

“ id want this baby to be real in the future “ alex adds, chuckling, and it continued, giving you simple hints, such as baby toys, clothes, and sudden talks of marriage

“ so…. when do you think we'd get married? “ alex looks at you, as you cook dinner for the two of you, “ what? you wanna get married? “

“ when you want to of course, “ he spun on your counter's chair, “ i mean i think it's cute just the two of us having a wedding, rings in both of our fingers, then we can show off to everyone that we're so in love “ he rambles, shrugging his shoulder

you chuckle, “ we're not even fiances yet? “ you face him, turning off the stove as you serve up the dish in plates, “ well, we will be in the future “ alex replies

“ well… i think marriage with you would be great, would be happy and satisfied with my life, but aren't we still young? “ you added as alex makes his way on your dining table, “ hm… right… what about babies? “ quackity asks non chalantly

“ what about babies? “ you repeat, wanting him to get straight to the point, deadpanning him, your hand resting on your hip

“ you know… babies…? “ alex awkwardly chuckles as he scratches the back of his head, “ i know what babies are “ you reply

“ lex… is there something you need to tell me? “ you ask, removing the apron from your torso, hanging it somewhere as you approach him

cupping him by his cheeks, you ask, “ is there something wrong that we need to talk about? “ god, that was one of the reasons why he just wants to marry you right there right now

“...i wanna… get you pregnant “ alex confesses, sighing in defeat as he leans more onto your touch, “ i dont think i can wait after marriage… i wanna see you in cute maternal clothes…, feeding our baby, babying them, i know you'd be the perfect mother, fuck, you're the perfect wife id ever ask for even tho we're not even married yet, it's just… i know i sound selfish and desperate but fuck, “ alex returns your affection by cupping your cheek too, “ i love you so much that i think i wanna make babies with you to show off how much i love you “

alex pecks your cheek, “ i love you so much, i just wanna show you off with our baby in your stomach “ he added, “ can we do it? please? “ he pleaded, “ i know if you think it's too much, but let me be selfish for once please? “

you pause, blinking as your eyes flutter, a faint pink tint appearing on your cheeks, “ lex…, babies are big responsibilities “ you added, “ i know, that's why im working hard aren't i? “ alex replies to you, with a soft gentle tone, caressing your cheek with just his thumb, “ my money’s big enough “

“ fuck… i can marry you right now, take a flight to vegas and get married to that stupid elvis chapel you keep joking about “ alex smiles warmly and affectionately

“ please? mami? “ alex pleaded, and dear lord how you folded so fast, now there's the two of you, making out with small giggles and chuckles

it was warm, gentle and comfortable for the both of you as alex gently pressed you against your bedroom’s door, his tongue swirling with you, making out as if it's your first time again, his hands, rests on your waist, holding on you gently on your place

“ mami you're so beautiful “ he whispers between the kisses, fixing your hair out of your face, before pulling you into a kiss again, your hands resting on his chest as you take the kiss, your lips locked with eachother, passionately and warmly

alex slowly slips his hand in your blouse, resting in your midriff, “ vas a ser una gran mamá para nuestros hijos “ he whispers, pecking your cheek as you giggle softly in response, “ baby… is that why you've been ordering baby stuffs off amazon? “ you ask as he chuckles, nodding, “ i was hoping you'd get the hint “

“ im kinda hints-blinded “ you joke as he chuckles, pecking your neck, trailing kisses all over you, “ i should've told you from the start then “ he added, “ would've been a better idea “ you smile, giggling loudly as he picks you up, holding onto you gently yet tightly, securing his grip on your hand as he press kisses all over your face, “ mami, you're the only person i can think of doing this with me “ alex hums, gently setting you down on your bed, his eyes hovering all over your body as he smiles warmly, seeing you all so pretty underneath him

alex removes his shirt, tossing it to the side, and he leans back down with you, “ mami, i want a little girl, she's going to be as beautiful as you, “ he cuts himself off with a kiss to your collarbone, “ as smart as you, “ he kisses your upper chest, gently guiding you to take off your top, before continuing, “ as kind as you “ alex pecks your chest, “ as friendly as you “ he pecks your stomach, his hand resting on the waistband of your shorts, gently tugging it down with your underwear

“ as perfect as you are “ alex lowers, now pecking on pelvis, “ alex… didn't know you're shakespeare “ you joke, giggling, causing him to chuckle in response, “ oh fuck off mami im trying to be romantic here “ he added, smiling warmly, his eyes filled with love and adoration as he fixes your hair

“ im… going to make you feel so loved “ alex replies as he nuzzles his mouth onto your clitoris, liking a strip on your warm organ with smile on his lips, “ you already make me feel so love lex “ you reply as her intertwines his hand with yours, the other holding you up

“ it's not enough “ alex replies as he kisses your clit, sucking it, lapping you, nuzzling his warm tongue, “ it is enough “ you mutters, moaning softly as you squeezes his hand

“ not for me that is, “ as alex eats you out, his finger gently enters you, feeling your wetness and tighness as you moan softly, alex finding a moment as he playfully scolds you, “ can you stop being such a smartass so i can fuck you, querido dios por favor “

you cackle, giggling as he smiles warmly, his finger thrusting into you with his tongue wetting you all up, you toss your head back, moaning softly as your other hand kneads with your breast

alex maintains eye contact, giving you heart eyes with every reaction you could possibly release, god, that man is so in love with you, chuckling softly, seeing how you gasp when he enters another finger in, admiring how you squeezed his hand in response

“ hah… lex “ you whimper out as his fingers skillfully scissors you, “ does it feels good mami? “ he asks, lapping you like a damn dog, enjoying your slickness as you nods, your finger dancing gentle with your nipples, kneading you breast as the other squeezes his hand

after a few minutes of sucking, fingering, you felt a familiar pool in your stomach as you gasp, “ lex.. lex.. im close “ you moan out, louder than the rest as alex nods, kissing your clitoris as he fastens his finger, causing you a few sharp gasps

“ do it mami, make a mess to my face “ alex reassures you, licking a stripe as you groan out in pleasure, seeing your legs shake, and with a squirt of your juices in his face, alex accomplished what he wanted, even tho, that was just the first step

he pecked your clit one last time, before pulling away, you making a mess on his face as he giggles, watching you whine out as he pulls out his finger, “ so pretty, mi linda esposa “

seeing him chuckle and smile, couldn't help but bring a smile on your face too, you just couldn't believe you're making a baby with the man you've loved for years, alex as gently as possible, spreaded your legs, propping himself between it as he pecks the side of your ankle, releasing your intertwined finger as he whistles in amusement seeing you all so flustered and pink

“ i love you “ alex mutters as he slips his pants down with his boxers, “ i love so much mami, you're going to be such a pretty and perfect wife and mamá to our daughter “

as he worships your body, his eyes not letting a single crevice of your body left untouched or unloved, he hums as he gently enters your body, the two of you gasp in unison, “ you alright mami? “ he asks, making sure you felt pleasure instead of pain, his almond shaped brown eye watches you, filled with adoration and love as you bit your lip, nodding

“ im moving, ¿bueno?, tell me if it hurts, ill stop mami “ alex gently warns as his hips roll against you gently, watching you moan out, your eyes fluttering in pleasure, enjoying how your body bounces with every single thrust

you chuckle softly, a warm intimate moment like this was just perfect, he was perfect for you, a pretty, gentle, kind boy who'd do everything, just to make you feel loved, if you were to switch places and had the dick, you'd probably do the same

you moan out, as he leans down, kissing you, his arm wrapped around your torso, flattening you as his thrusts continues, his tongue swirling with yours, feeling the smile on his lips

your lips stayed intact, only pulling away for taking breathes, noticing his thrusts speeding up as he groans, “ te amo mucho, seré la esposa más bonita que jamás haya existido “ he whispers, as you moan back in reply

“ te amaré por siempre y te adoraré como si fueras mi dios, te amo mucho, no puedo creer que seas mía y que estemos haciendo esto “ he added, alex groans out as he holds onto tightly

“ feels so good mami? “ alex mutters, staggering slightly as you nod in response, moaning, as you gasp

“ ah fuck.. fuck… im so close “ alex gasps, “ let me be selfish this time, ¿está bien? “ he added as he tightens his hold onto you, his hips thrusting faster and faster, your moans and gasps giving him more power to just get you pregnant right there

“ fuck fuck fuck fuck “ with every curse his thrusts was speeding up, kissing you all over your face as you receive him, “ será la esposa más bonita que jamás haya existido, ¿eh? “

“ te luciré muy bien en casa, todos se sorprenderán de lo bonita que eres cuando estás embarazada, ¿de acuerdo? “ he groans out, catching his high as he climaxes into you, filling you up with his seed, making you a mother

[fatal-blow]

hi! im wondering if you know how to relax your muscles, i can’t seem to do it by laying down and i don’t think they do it on their own. ive googled this a few times and it said breathe pretty much and that didn’t work out for me. you’re so cool and make me want to go into medicine thank you!

REALLY GOOD QUESTION because relaxation doesnt come naturally to everyone! just like basically everything else, though, its a skill, and you can build it up

so operating under the assumption that you, like me, have chronic tension, you might not even be sure what relaxation feels like. you might not even realize that you dont know what it feels like!!

so first thing id recommend are tense and release exercises. the one that i used (on an app i cant remember the name of) the instructor guides you through tensing and relaxing the body in sections, starting in the feet and working up the body. here, you want to focus on the differences between what tension feels like, and what release feels like. the entire exercise takes about 5 minutes, and depending on what you prefer you can find a video/audio or written instructions

the next thing to keep in mind when practicing relaxation is your posture. positions you normally find comfortable might only be comfortable because you are protecting a tense muscle. for example, folding the legs to the chest is often protective of tense muscle in the back of the thighs. if you try to use relaxation exercises while youre folded up, you might encounter pain or just not make progress because your body isnt in the right position for everything to relax properly.

the best posture for relaxation exercises would be lying flat on your back, legs straight. place your knees and ankles together best you can (if i relax like this, my feet turn outwards, so i like to tuck blankets/pillows against them to keep them straight) and keep your toes pointed upwards, feet at a 90 degree angle. your arms can be lying at your sides, or hands resting on the stomach. properly arranging your lower body is more important than arranging the upper body. overall, you want your posture to be symmetrical, so try not to favour one side over the other. its okay if your posture isnt perfect, it just needs to be better than it usually is.

optionally, if you sit a lot and/or get lower back pain, put a pillow underneath your butt. this will put your hips at a gentle stretch, which will aid low back pain, and help encourage your body, especially your legs, to sit more neutrally.

also optionally, you can try relaxation on a hard surface. it seems counterintuitive, but hard surfaces will sorta force you to even out your posture, because when your weight is distributed unevenly it will hurt. not for everyone, because sometimes your posture is so messed up and your muscles so tight that you just wont be able to get comfy. something to keep in mind though!

next, you need to make sure youre nice and warm. electric blanket, warm shower, heating pad, just make sure youre nice and toasty from head to toe. if you get cold feet and hands, try to get them all warmed up too. the cold will tense you up, so even in day to day life its good practice to keep warm!

additionally, painkillers, muscle relaxants, and topical creams can all be helpful. pain is another factor that will tense you up. even if you dont think youre in pain, it is worth your time to try pain medication before relaxation exercises. i wouldnt take it every time, because its good to compare with and without and use it as a measure of progress.

oh and breathing i guess. this is the one that everyone knows, but its the one that i, personally, found to be the least effective. still, though, slow, deep breaths are proven to relax the body. try to breathe with your stomach; when you breathe with your chest, this strains the scalene muscles in your neck. breathing with your stomach activates the diaphragm, which is much better suited for your deep breathing needs. this is good practice for everyday life, not just relaxation!

and finally, you can do relaxation exercises at any time of the day, but i like to do them right before bed. it might even help you sleep better, too.

thats what i got for how to do it, but dont be surprised if you feel like you dont get results the first few times you try it. it really does take practice! just listen to your body, and chase the sensations that make you feel better--this is the best time to do so, because when you are cozy and warm and in bed and ready to relax, you can safely explore what makes your body feel better without worrying about accidentally hurting yourself.

and this is what relaxation exercises are really about, when you have chronic pain/tension--you are creating an environment where you can feel out the state of your body, in a place and posture where you are theoretically at your most (physically) comfortable. when you return to it again and again over time, it builds a sturdy base from which you can start tracking how your body feels and how it changes over time. kinda like running a little experiment!

[ridreamir]

Imagine Nebarra's reaction to the machines. All these technologies, huge buildings, eternal noise and crowds of people. That is, you will have to hold Nebarra's hand like a small child so that he does not get lost in a huge crowd and run into trouble. We don't need problems with the police, do we?

I use a translator, I apologize for possible mistakes.

Theoretically, Nebarra has encountered similar marvels of engineering within the Dwemer ruins, and they're usually hostile.

Cars are enemies. First instinct is to beat it until it's inoperable.

He would then be horrified to find that there were *people* inside. He'd probably try to bash the glass in to free them LMAO imagine a man in a full suit of armor sending his gauntlet through your windshield!!!

But wait, they're operable vehicles? A metal animal? Is it really just a moving room? He would so hijack and crash a car. If these idiots can do it, how hard can it be?

Nebarra hospital visit to the 'unqualified human healers who don't know what they're doing' arc?

Once he understands what he's looking at, he becomes a car enjoyer. Sunglasses and speeding. It's a lot to manage, but he learns quickly.

He doesn't have papers so he can't get a license. Nebarra pulled over for speeding and getting arrested for having no ID arc??? Nebarra having no incentive to listen to authority arc??? I DO WHAT I WANT sort of mer.

Cellphones. What strange devices indeed. Are they the creation of some Daedric Prince he doesn't know about? It would explain the hive mind they all seem to have.

He screams and flings your phone when he accidentally opens up the Google AI assistant. No wonder your people are so taken to their devices. It's actively sucking in their souls to feed its perverse power. No, no!! Get it away, get it away!!

...

As men tend to do, the air here reeks of something foul. He's so used to the stench of men, however, that he adjusts quickly. The cacophony of endless noise could drive a mer off the edge though and he's not keen on testing that theory.

He tends to keep away from areas that are noisy, but he has no problem in crowds. He's very happy to be swept away by all the new sights and sounds and could care less if you are separated because he can handle himself. Besides, you've been separated plenty of times before and he always finds his way back to you. Ah, wait, that came out wrong. He always returns to you- no, he will always find you again- no! He always knows you're not... far?

When you take his hand, he freezes.

The buildings are impressive. The blend of architectural styles is mildly counter-intuitive, there's a lack of cohesiveness in your civilization's building style, and though he can appreciate aesthetics, some of them are really quite ugly?? Oh well, this is farther than he could have expected men to get. Where are all the Mer? The Khajiit? The Argonians?

Are they inside your 'cellphones'?!?!?!!??!

[nescaveckwriter]

Finding Hope - Street Corners, secrets & Comfort - Chapter 4 💕🐞

A/N: Oh wow y'all 🤗 it's been to long but life has been busy lately, with moving😅 but I'm back and got plenty of ideas, so y'all are in for a treat, I hope y'all enjoy this chapter,💞 but goodness me, as I were busy writing this, my heart were beating out of my chest😱. So sit back and enjoy. Love y'all so much.💞 Also part of @badthingshappenbingo 💕

Prompt: I'm Fine - will be in bold.😅🐞

Warnings: 18+ only please. Violence, A body, in detail description of the victim, mentions of drug, using drug, hallucinations, weapons, blood, anything else 😱 please let me know.

Words: 2643 😅

A/N: All work is mine, please do not copy my writing, but feel free to comment, like and reblog. Thank you🐞🧡

Pictures: Pinterest, Google etc.

Chapter Name: Street Corners, Secrets & Comfort.

The sweat rolls down her delicate face, it's not that the temperature spiked, no! It's simple from the scenes, no the visions, okay let's face the nightmare she had, his eyes, his cold blue eyes, eyes of steel, hardened and lifeless, unless he, watched them, she bit her lower lip, she didn't want to go there, everything is going well, at work, finally at a good place with her parents.

But what! Why now? Why all of the sudden did she had a nightmare of him again, something must've triggered it, but what! Closing her eyes, falling back on the bed, the pillows feels a little uncomfortable, and the blankets heavy, ever since that day, she'd hold onto a blanket as if it's a lifeline, like it's the one thing that saved her. She opened her eyes, sat upright rubbing her temple's, glancing at the radio clock 2:45 , 5th May... Letting out a heavy sigh, "no wonder, I feel this way" she says to no one there, it's the day, 14 years years ago, she and Hope got taken. Quickly blinking the tears away, she threw the covers off her, got off the bed, then started pacing up and down, wound up, it's days like these, she craves ecstasy so much, its happy drug, ya know .. it's the kind that puts you in another dimension, well if your fine with spiders, that is... Letting out a humourless chuckle "damn I am losing it again," walking towards the kitchen, opening the fridge door, then closing it, and opening it again, it's empty, of course its empty, got to busy to do shopping. Maybe she can go for a jog? Maybe cross that corner, to just buy one packet, just one... Glancing at the clock at 2:57, whispering to herself "if I take just one now, it takes approximately 45 minutes to start working, then I'll feel better for 3 hours, I'll be off my high by the time I have to go to work, right?".

Before she knew it, she was out by the door, hoodie on, walking down the street, crumpled up money in her hand, she sees the sketchy looking guy there, just by the corner, approaching him, the guy looked at "move, nothing to see here little girl" her emerald green eyes piercing his "a packet of 'X'" he chuckled "damn girl," he hands her the packets, and she gave him the cash. 

With trembling hands she took the packet, and practically ran back towards her flat, and up the stairs. Closed the door behind her, slid down it, pulled her hoodie down, taking the pill between her point finger and thumb... Contemplating whether she should give in to the urge or not, her phone ringing startled her, without looking at the caller ID... "H-Hello?" 

He could hear it, in her voice, she didn't sound like herself, but he ignored it, it's just a little after 3 in the morning so "we got a case!" The urgency in Aaron's voice could tell her that it was important, "see you in 10 mins" she didn't wait for him to answer, she ended the call, got up from the floor, made her way to her closet, grabbed a pair of jeans and a button up shirt , she started dressing, and put her up in a ponytail, slipping the ecstasy into her jean pocket. No, of course she'll never use it on the job, but somehow it makes her feel better knowing it is there, even if it makes her feel guilty for thinking of actually using it again. Grabbing her keys, she can't think of that now there's a case. 

As soon as she got in her little car, she checked the coordinates of the crime scene, and then adjusted the mirror, but catching a sight of herself made her wince, some days as she looked at her reflection, the only thing she saw, was the broken lonely girl, not the woman she was today. With that thought she started the car, and drove to work.

She parks at the scene, and gets out, her FBI badge hanging around her neck, walking towards the scene. It's a public park, so the grass is short and neat, and green. Instantly smiling as she the scrawny, tall man with his brownish curls, "Hey Spence,".

He looks down towards her, she's so short and friendly, she is so kind always and a good agent, he likes her, maybe a little more than he'll admit, but she's not the type of woman who'd be into a man like him, a nerd! An awkward man, who's not good with the ladies like Derek would say, he smiles "Eddie, morning" as she looked up at him, he could tell something was wrong, her emerald eyes is troubled, his very perceptive, one of his strong suits, well that and having a eidetic memory and reading 20,000 words per minute. Concern evident "you okay?"

Nodding "I'm fine". She hated it when people asked that, so she got down to business "what happened?" He could tell she was far from fine, but also she didn't want to talk about so he spoke in a more professional tone "neighbourhood watch, saw something glistening and took a closer look, a woman wrapped in cling film, there's not a single drop of blood, so it was just a dumping ground" As he enlightened her she walked closer, crouching down, looking at the girls face, young about 17 maybe 18. 

Putting on a pair of gloves, she tilted her head side to side, her thumb at her chin, she had to check, tilted her head backwards, there it is .. "no" she whispered, she saw the small incision, in the crease of her neck. She took out her knife, and cut the cling film open. She didn't wait for the forensic team, she heard Reid say something but it sounded like he was underwater... She laid there, naked exposed to the whole world to see, her fingernails filled with her own skin, scratching marks everywhere, "bastard!" She kept repeating, as she looked at her feet, there it was the small needle marks. It's him! "The Collector" all of the sudden Meredith felt sick like she was about to puke, the sinking feeling in her stomach even worse than this morning, the unshed tears burning behind her eyes.

She stumbled to her feet,  shaking and trembling, her eyes wide as she looked up at Spencer, he looked down at her "Eddie? Are you okay? You don't look so well!" She couldn't form words, the collector's face, his eyes, his voice, his smell... Her breathing became ragged, sweat trickling down her face, her chest feels tight... Spencer placed his big hands on her shoulders, he knew she was having an anxiety attack, why he didn't know, yes this scene is bad, but they've seen worse, his voice calm and soothing "just breathe, in and out". 

It took a few seconds for her to register that someone was touching her, she didn't realise it was Spencer, when she went hysterical, "NO! No! Leave ... Me ... Leave me alone!" She said between gasps. 

Spencer immediately threw his hands up in the air "It's me, Spencer" but he could tell she was somewhere else caught up in a nightmare. Honestly he never saw her like this so scared, vulnerable looking, it's like she saw a ghost. 

Just then Aaron Hotchner arrived on the scene, he didn't get very far when he saw the concerned look on Reid's face, and when he saw Lang, he took long strides towards them. He saw the trembling, in her small body, the scared look on her face, without having to know the details he knew it had to be something with her past, and all if the sudden he felt this protective fatherly urge come over him, he embraced her, yes she struggled and mumbled something, but when he whispers in his low gruff voice "I've got you, your safe" it was the sentence Gideon said to her the day they found her. 

It's like she got out of her trance and then looked up at him, softly "Gideon he...he always said that" he looked down, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "I know". 

As she looked at him, realising, he looked familiar not his facial features but his eyes... She pushed him away, "you... You were there, weren't you!" Before he could reply, she started to stumble backwards, “get away from me…. Get away dammit!” tears streaming down her face, mumbling “I… I can’t believe this.. No… No… this can’t be happening”.

Aaron took a slow step towards her “Meredith listen to me, it doesn’t change anything, let us help you, your family, I know you don’t trust anyone, but you can trust me, trust Reid and your team, we’ve got you”. Her breathing were ragged and everything was a blur, nothing made sense, she could barely hear the words coming out of his mouth, she looked at Spencer who stood there, with a shocked expression, confusing written over his face, and at that stage it felt like her world came crashing down, she ran towards her car, she needed to get away,she needed to wake up from this nightmare, wishing - no praying she fell asleep and this isn’t real. 

Aaron tried to talk her out of it but she quickly reversed, and sped off. Before she knew it she was at her apartment, her safe space or rather her only place where she could regain focus, a sense of balance… She ran upstairs, opening the closet, looking at the evidence board, anger evident “Why now, you bastard, why strike after all these years?” She paces up and down, papers and flies flying through the air, as she goes through all the gathered evidence. “Why now?” she repeated out loud. 

The images of that girl in the park, that could have been her, fourteen years ago, she always did feel so guilty for surviving. And now to find out her new boss Aaron Hotchner was the second agent who found her, who saw her as that broken little girl. Screaming “How the hell am I supposed to face him again, arghhhh!” she threw a punch towards the sketch of the ‘collector’s’ face. Shaking out the bloody knuckles she fell to her knees crying “why… why the hell do you have to ruin my life still, you bastard” grunting as her back hit the wall, Her hands in her hair, she hated feeling helpless, scared and damn vulnerable. She rubbed her hands together, then brought her knees to her chest, the holstered 9 millimetre,uncomfortable so she unclips it. Removing the shiny metal object, clocks it and places it down next to her.

Removing her belt with the holster, her fingers brushing against the jean pocket, remembering the pills, “yes… yes I need it” the fingers fumble with them taking two… “The hell with staying clean” she mumbles before pushing it in between her full sweetheart lips, “I’ll feel better right? I have to” mumbling waiting for the effects to take place “I need to forget, I want to forget… why can’t I forget.?”   

She sat there, trembling, crying, clenching and unclenching her fists “Please I need to feel something else” she practically begs for the drugs to work. She grunts in frustration ‘Why isn’t it work, it needs to work dammit” Looking around the room, then up at the evidence board, she tilts her head to the side, out of her closet comes a big spider, carrying on his back about a 100 little black spiders, all of the sudden it starts to crawl up her boots, to her legs towards her thighs, up to her torso, then finally covering her arms. She can feel it on her face, her body everywhere. It’s been so long that it’s scary again, there’s so many and they keep coming and coming. Big and small… so many. “Get it off me… go away…” she begs. “Go away… get it off me” she starts slapping the non-existing spiders, clawing at her arms, neck. Then came the laughter, his laughter. “No… No… Please Go away. Don’t hurt me again please. Don’t please” His face was right in front of her and she punched into the air.

Spencer walked into her apartment, the door was unlocked and he could tell something was wrong, the grunts and frustrating sounds coming from upstairs sent a chill down his spine, weapon in hand he quickly but silently went up, his long legs only catching every third step. As he entered the bedroom, papers scattered everywhere, but what really shook him, was that 5ft2 woman rocking forward and backwards like she was a trapped little child, her whimpering and begging, “Go away, leave me and Hope alone” it was a chant, a desperate, heartbreaking chant. He catches a glimpse of the service pistol next to her, and then a packet of what must’ve been drugs, she sure is strung out of her mind. 

He slowly and softly approached, his voice soothing and calm “Eddie? Hey it’s me Spencer Reid” he repeated the same sentence a few times over, before she looked up at him, her pupils blown and in a swift motion she picked up the 9 mil and pointed it in his direction, his hazel eyes widens “Eddie, please don’t do that” hysterically she shouts at him “did he send you? Are you here to take me to the chamber?” the weapon swayed. He knew he looked intimidating so he slowly crouched down on his knees and spoke softly “It’s me Spencer” softly she replied “Spencer?” he nodded a compassionate smile on his lips “It’s me, your friend remember” she lowered the gun. “S-Sorry” he looked at her and despite the fact that he doesn’t like physical touch he pulled her towards him. Snaking his long arms around her, as she kept repeating “He’s here, his here” and he just cooed “You’re safe, I’m here I won’t let anything happen to you” and he meant every single word. The way she looked up at him, with tears streaking down her freckled cheeks “promise?” that one word broke him, the way she sounded, his own voice laced with heavy emotion “yes I promise” he went to sat down, not breaking the emotional embrace in fact he might’ve pulled her closer towards his chest, and she let out a sigh as her head rested on his chest as she found comfort in this, closing her eyes as her hands gripped his arm, he didn’t mind the slight pain, she needed him and he will always be there for her.

The coroner called Aaron Hotchner over, after the autopsy of that poor girl, the coroner explained that she was drugged, malnourished with multiple broken fractures, and that all the blood was drained out of her body, with her thyroid bone missing, he also told Hotch that he found a photo in her mouth with a inscription on the back, as Hotch took the photo he recognized the blonde much older woman from the framed photo on Meredith Lang’s desk it was Hope… he turned to read the message on the back. ‘Meredith Lang, you think you’re better than me, but I know what you did, so let’s play a game. You’re the little mouse and I’m the big bad cat. I’ll pounce when you least expect it. - love The Collector.’ Aaron clenched the photo in his fist, concern on his face. Somehow Meredith feels like his daughter and he’ll make sure that this bastard will never lay a finger on her again, he whispers underneath his breath “I’m coming for you.” 

[sofasoap]

Love, do not pass me by

Pairing: Simon “Ghost ” Riley x f!Reader ( OC aka Mini MacTavish )

Summary : This story sets after " Up for a challenge". Life turns upside down for the better, and the worse, and rock bottom.

Continuation/parallel universe of @saltofmercury ’s ““The Favorite MacTavish” , where the reader/OC is Soap’s little sister. PLEASE GO READ HER STORY first to make sense of this story. Also go read her König stories too, it’s brilliant.

Warning: R18/Explicit theme (mention of sex) , swearing. Slight violence. Unplanned pregnancy.

Anything about UK/SAS/military information I had to google and make up a bit, so it isn't entirely accurate.

English isn’t my first language so expect a lot of mistakes with tenses. Not beta'ed. If you don’t like it, move on. you are responsible for your own internet consumption.

 “masterlist” for more stories to this Mini MacTavish expanded verse.

After three hours of train ride from London to Credenhill usually easy ride for you during normal time, but with your physical condition and mental state, it seems like forever and you are ready to collapse. You know you have you push on. You were desperate to get in touch with the boys. With Simon.

Walking slowly towards the SAS headquarter, you were greeted by the two soldiers manning the gate.

Fishing out your I.D and presenting it to the guards and announcing your name, one of the guard look at you with wide eye, "OH! you are Sergeant Johnny MacTavish's sister? Mini? the one nearly outdrank L.T Simon Riley?"

" Oh gosh.. is this what my reputation is like in SAS... "

The Guard chuckled, " It's not necessary bad, you are actually a legend amongst the soldiers for making L.T losing his composure. Anyway, what can we do for you?"

"I tried to contact Captain Price's team for last few months,I know they are off on a mission and had to go dark for a while,but I have really urgent business I need to talk to them."

" You are in luck. the team actually just got back from South America early this morning." Passing you a visitor's ID for you to display around your chest, he waved you through the gate, " Come on through, I will take you to the meeting room."

Following the guard to a private waiting room, he indicate you to sit down on the couch, " I will go grab the boys for you. Wouldn't be too long." Giving you a salute, he left the room.

You sigh in relief, but at same time anxiety is starting to hit, you don't know how well Simon is going to receive the news you are about to break to him. You tried every avenue to contact the boys the last few months, coming up to the barrack was the last resort, and now you just have to face the music...

"MINI! What are you doing here??The guard said you had urgent news to bring to us, did something happen to Ma and Pa?" Soap slam the door open with extreme worry on his face, but once he had a good look at you, his eyes was wide with disbelief.

OH SHIT.

You totally didn't expect Johnny to come through, wait, what do you expect? You told the guard you were Johnny's sister and you were desperate to talk to the boys, of course they are going to assume something happened to your family and you have to see your brother. How stupid can you be? no wonder Johnny nag you about how you act before you think.

"Johnny... I'll explain to you later.. just let me talk to Simon first.."

" FUCK I KNEW IT'S HIM.... I FUCKEN KNEW" He quickly turned and storm out of the room and down the corridor, marching towards Price's office where everyone is meeting for mission debrief. " I am gonna fucken KILL HIM, I SWEAR!"

"Johnny WAIT!" you waddle after him as fast as you could in your state, but you just couldn't catch up. You saw him going around the corner and storm in a room, and next thing you hear was him yelling , follow by a loud bam.

Simon, Gaz, Price and few of other team members were sitting around quietly talking amongst themselves, when Soap flung the door open, march straight up to Ghost and threw him against the wall.

"Easy Soap! What the hell you doing? Where is Mini?" Gaz and Price rush towards Soap trying to pull him back from punching Ghost.

" I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK AROUND WITH MY SISTER, AND WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU FUCKER WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY??!!"

Ghost deflect Soap's punch with ease, looking at him with total confusing, not understanding what is going on,

"JOHN CAMPBELL MACTAVISH, let, him, GO. I don't need you to go around all braveheart like you are about to defend my honour. It's not his fault." You growled at your brother, everyone's eye all landed on you as you finally caught up.

Ghost look at you, and down at your belly. a very pregnant belly. Time just stopped.

You walked into the room, closing the door, Gaz hurryingly pulled a chair and make you sit down as you were trying to catch your breath. Burying your face in your hand for few second, you look up at Price with pleading eye, " Everyone out, including you Soap." as Ghost push himself off the wall Price stopped him and shovel him back towards you "You two need to talk."

Now just two of you in the room. You can still vaguely hear Soap yelling and Price's low voice telling him to calm down.

" I am sorry to sprung this upon you Simon.. I.. I tried to contact you guys few months ago earlier on the mission.. but ... I had no choice but to come here, I am due soon and I want to let you know..." You look up at him, into his eyes, trying to gauge his reaction.

All you see is a very cold, emotionless brown eye staring at you, through his ghost mask.

"And?"

You shuddered.

"I .. I thought you want to know, you have the right to know.. I am not asking much..."

" I don't care. Do whatever you want."

Anger arises, trying to hold back tears and not letting the hormone get the best of you, " Simon Riley, you are the FATHER of the babies, I am doing my duty to inform you, giving you a chance to opt in to be around our children, you don't need to be such an ass about it! I know it was my fault, I told you I was on the pill and you could just.. just.... " Your face burns thinking back to that night....

"Where... Where do you want me to..."

" Inside Simon.. I am on the pill.. I want you to fill me...Please.."

What you totally forgot was you were on antibiotics for infection which you had from a cut you got from work. So much for being a health professional... You mentally slap yourself thinking back.

Ghost remain silent. Body rigid. Fist clenched.

You don't know what else to say to him anymore, letting out a sob, you quickly walked out of the office, away from him.

"Mini, talk to me, did he hurt you.. " Soap wrap his arm around you and pulling you into embrace.

" No.. yes.. no... " You feel him turning and ready to walk back into the office, you pulled him back. "Johnny... Just.. just take me home."

"... Does Ma and Pa know about this."

" I haven't been home for quite a while.. the only person knew about this is Emma and I have informed work as well." Emma, your flatmate and work colleague working at same hospital as you in London had been supportive and wonderful, she's been helping you with looking for new flat with more room for you two to move in, to get ready for the birth of the babies.

"Please Johnny, I will tell Ma and Pa soon. Just let me sort this out myself. "

He open his mouth wanting to say more. You shook your head to shush him. Turning around to face Price and Gaz, " I am so sorry to make such a scene... Just don't blame Simon for this."

Both men nodding their head, gave you a quick hug and let you and Johnny on the way.

After collecting few stuff from his room from the dorm, he lead you to his jeep and drive you both back to London mostly in silence.

Emma was on the couch when both of you arrived at your London flat late at night. Emma raised her eyebrow as she saw Soap walking in.

"Oh, Hi Johnny."

Johnny gave her a half smile, and turning to you " Hey. I hope you don't mind me hogging the shower for a bit."

You wave at him to tell him to go ahead, he walked towards your room to put his bag down.

" Did you tell Simon." She ask as she lead you to sit down on the couch with glass of water.

" I did... and... I don't know, what was I expecting? Him to jump up and down with joy with the news? Oh Gawd, I feel so stupid.. "

Pulling you in for a hug, Emma chided ' Oh stop it, you are not stupid. You did what you can. Forget the asshole, we will be here to help you. Now, what is your brother doing here?"

" He said he's gonna stay with me for few days and make sure I am alright.. with drama aside, I think he is secretly excited to be an uncle." Soap's eyes lit up when you grabbed his hand to feel the baby kicking while driving. You are sure he is going to be a great uncle that will spoil the kids rotten.

" I am sure he is." Emma smiled.

" You don't mind if he stays on the couch for few days right?"

" Oh NONONO, Not at all, not a bother at all. " Is that a blush on Emma's face you just saw?

Two of you chatted for a little bit more before Johnny emerges from the shower and you three said your goodnight after setting him up on the sofa couch in the living room.

Taking a quick shower , winding down in bed, you were half hoping you get a text from Simon. Nothing. Gaz texted through though just to quickly check on how you are going. You replied with a smile emoji and threw your phone on charge.

Reality is starting to set in. You are going to have to raise the children without their father. Their emotionless, asshole father.

To who you fell in love. Very much.

And now he broke your heart.

A/N : Ghost is just being a emotionless asshole here. This poor boy got issue. he doesn't think he deserves happiness, so he pushes everything away. including Mini. hurting her immensely in the process.

BTW, I saw this brilliant imagine art by ShkretArt on what they think Simon looks like under the mask... that is my Simon face for my fic now ( Sorry Samuel Roukin lol ) Go check it out here:

"Simon/Ghost" - Credit to : @shkretart

[polyhexian]

Darius frantically googling childcare tips in the runaway au, hoping to god that the Emperor's Coven isn't monitoring his scroll. how do you take care of a child? how do you reassure a child? how do you feed a - okay actually that one's easy, Hunter has his father's painfully simple taste in food, if his looks didn't make it obvious that he's Jasper's son the fact that he considers salt a spice would be proof enough.

Eberwolf is like, I can give you some tips but they're all gonna be based on raising ratworm litters and Darius is like STOP.

Hunter is probably kind of an easy kid to take care of in most respects, tho. like you said, he's had to become independent. self-sufficient. I feel like a lot of his childhood he was kinda like a fawn - like, a mother deer will leave her baby in a place she deems safe and hidden, and the fawn will lay there completely still for HOURS until mom gets back. Jasper's definitely had to do that with Hunter, except as Hunter has grown older Jasper has likely left him alone for longer periods of time, so Hunter gets to wander around a bit while waiting for his dad to get back. Swipe some food, maybe work some odd jobs for some snails, visit the library and see if he can finish a book before they have to move on again.

so he doesn't complain easily, and he doesn't really get bored the way a regular kid might, he's used to either sitting perfectly still or going off to find something to take up his time. he probably also gets more mileage out of entertainment items Darius gets for him. Darius is like "uhhhh I found some crappy crayons and some paper, sorry, best I can do on short notice" and Hunter is just like, oh, cool! cuz he's rarely had time/space/resources to sit down and color on paper.

Darius is still fumbling his way through this tho. one night he wakes up to find a sniffling Hunter climbing into bed with him and he starts to panic like OH GOD IS HE SICK I DON'T WANNA DO GERMS BUT I WILL IF I HAVE TO except no, the kid just misses his dad. Darius surreptitiously grabs his phone to type in "what to do when a kid crawls into bed with you crying" except to his everlasting horror he did NOT type that into Ghoul-gle, he typed it into a text message and now Eberwolf is responding like DARIUS ARE YOU SERIOUS and Darius is like I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO and Eber is like JUST HUG HIM THE WAY YOU'D NEVER HUG A BABY RATWORM.

Rjjsjsjd Darius trying to figure out how to care for this kid via eberwolf describing how to care for various baby animals

Yeah yeah yeah. Hunter is a baby faun. He's very good at hiding and he's very good at following instructions. Jasper has to weigh a lot of risks. Is it riskier to steal what he needs, or is it riskier to earn it by bounty hunting or selling something or what have you? And things just get riskier as Hunter gets older. Another timeline where jasper can't give hunter the childhood he wants him to have, but he's going to make sure he has one that he makes it out of, at least. He would rather have an unhappy adult than a dead child.

Hunter is a little fuckin monkey. He's always stealing shit. Just to prove he can. I love this little goblin version of hunter, a highly skilled little artful dodger.

When I was a teenager and my dad left it was pretty hard on my family. My brother has down's syndrome and autism; he's nonverbal, low-functioning, legally dead/blind. So he has a lot of trouble communicating effectively. He was like nine around this time and yeah, normal stuff was no problem. He knew how to let me know he was hungry or he needed me to come hit play on his DVD or something- assistive communication devices were and I think still are thousands of dollars lol and my folks and I were eating out of the food bank so. Yeah. Not happening.

In any case, the point is that one night my brother started crying. Like. Really crying. Crying in a way id never heard before. And obviously my mom came but I drove him to the hospital and we spent all night in the ER while he screamed and sobbed and they did test after test after test trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong.

Nothing was wrong. He was completely fine, physically. The end "diagnosis" was... Our dad had been gone three months and it was finally hitting him that he might not be coming back.

Just thinking about poor little hunter trying to cope with the idea his dad might not be coming back because he doesn't know where he is or what happened to him; he's just gone and it hurts! Reminded me of that night (can you believe I had to go to school the next day lol)

All Darius can do is hold this sobbing little guy and tell him that at least HE isn't going anywhere because... What else can he say? It's going to be okay? Jasper is going to be okay? Jasper will come back? He doesn't know that. He doesn't know any of that. All he can do is his own best. And hunter just :(

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

My Head Is Stripped

First posted: August 7, 2019

Focuses on: Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent

Favorite bookmark: "things that make me happy"

Tier: Middle-ish

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

I am a deeply unhappy sick person. I rarely get sick, so when I do finally succumb, I am miserable and I, regrettably, make no effort to keep the misery from spreading. (Germs, yes. Misery, no.)

Clark's rambling, grumbly, petulant opening thoughts are very me.

Clark tightened his grip on his fabric shield and shuffled toward the sound. X-ray vision felt like too much work, so he leaned in and pressed his eye to the peephole. He wiped the moisture from his eye and tried again.

This fic was, if I remember correctly, one of those that was incredibly easy to write because it was less like creating and more like dictating. I sat back and watched them do their thing and just had to find the right ways to describe what was happening—or, in the case of Clark choosing to look through the peephole, explain why what I was seeing happen did actually make sense to be happening.

When the door opened, Bruce Wayne blinked at him. Just once. It was Bruce’s way of showing deliberate surprise, like taking a beat.

It's a very cat mannerism of him and I love it. I think I've used it in other fics, too.

Bruce Wayne didn’t look like he had ever wanted to discorporate in his life. Artfully tousled hair, tastefully expensive clothes without so much as a wrinkle, a good, healthy tan—even his shoes were shiny. Clark wanted to punt him into the sun.

Like I said, he's a crankypants.

Or the way Clark’s gripe came out closer to Dank ew, Wod’s Greadess Dedekdiv, wad gab id away?

I sat on my bed in my room quietly sounding this one out to figure out how to write it phonetically.

“I didn’t think you could get sick.” Bruce made a dismissive gesture down the length of Clark’s body, then turned away.

This specific line came back to BITE ME in a later fic in this series. We have elected to roundly ignore the error.

“Feed a cold, Clark.” “What?” Clark asked, though the word was muffled by the couch curtain. “Feed a cold, starve a fever. It’s a saying.”

I had to google it. I can never remember which goes with which.

Something cold and hard touched his face. Clark jerked and cracked open one eye. A thermometer hovered in front of his face. “Where?” Clark croaked. “I don’t have one.” “It’s mine.” At Clark’s look, Bruce shrugged. “Kids. Someone’s always sick at my house. Besides, I said I thought it was code, not that I was sure.”

Another moment for explanations, knowing Bruce absolutely would insist on taking Clark's temperature but also clocking that Clark would never own one and it felt a bridge too far to be like "oh it's on his belt next to the shark repellent spray."

Cool fingertips ghosted behind Clark’s ear, lingering just long enough to gauge the heat of his skin, then disappeared as Bruce retreated into the kitchen. “You don’t feel warm. Leave it in until it beeps, then tell me what the display says.”

He's such a dad. And no toxic masculinity here folks!!!

In the kitchen, Bruce was silent and Clark could picture Bruce’s long, flat-browed look. Barry called it his Don’t be stupid look.

That's what my friends called my dad's look. And mine. It's an inherited trait.

Also, Bruce mentions the thermometer's blue button which was literally just me describing my thermometer at the time, thank you, Target.

When the thermometer beeped, Clark pulled it out and squinted at the display. “Thirty-six? That doesn’t seem right.” “It’s in Celsius. You don’t have a fever. Good. How did you get sick?”

I thiiiiiink the chat had been having a discussion before about Alfred keeping the Manor stocked and this being his preferred thermometer brand. Or maybe just what Bruce was used to reading.

“You weren’t even there,” Clark whined, returning to the matter of the sickly translator.

No, because it wouldn't have happened if Bruce had been there.

There was a tug on Clark’s quilt, and the bare foot that had fallen off the end of the couch was tucked back in.

Such a daaaaaaaad! I was so delighted mentally picturing Bruce in his true element, sleeves rolled up, puttering from living room to kitchen and back as he got Clark's crap in order.

“Uhhh…” Clark struggled to sit up and keep himself fully wrapped in the quilt. “Head. Hurts. Feels… full? Like, full.” “Use your words, Mr. Reporter.”

Bruce grunted. Use your words… Ha.

I love them.

“I understand the saying is ‘Game recognizes game.’” Bruce gave another shrug. “I have the experience.”

I was dyyyyyyyinggggggg to use that line and the comments section rewarded me for the choice.

“Budge over,” he instructed, nudging Clark to the end of the couch so he could sit and rest the tray on the coffee table. Clark scooted and mentally added the phrase to his running list of words that made Bruce sound like Alfred.

I did make sure to weave that back in again in... N&N, I think? Yeah. In one of the Tim chapters.

“Bruce, I don’t think some salt and heat are going to fix this,” Clark mumbled.

Clark is so ANNOYING to make sick when he's not also robbed of his invulnerability. So many things we do to comfort sick people don't WORK if your skin doesn't respond to heat or cold or pressure!!

Bruce frowned down at the quilt. “Your layers are wrong. Where’s your linen closet?”

Bruce is correct, it is VITAL to get your layers right, or you'll overheat or freeze at just the wrong time and there might be too much PRESSURE and if that happens you'll just want to lay down and die because you're already sick and everything is the worst.

Bruce placed Clark’s head on his thigh just above his knee and said, “I’m going to place some eucalyptus oil under your nose. It’s an irritant to human skin, but it shouldn’t bother you, and the smell will help.”

I genuinely did not know eucalyptus oil was an irritant before writing this fic. My mom used to put it in a diffuser when we were sick, and I liked the smell a lot. Clark would likely not own a diffuser and it would be bulky for Bruce to carry.

A calloused thumb swiped gently at the corners of Clark’s eyes without comment, as if the tears were nothing more than the product of sinuses gone mad.

I just really needed them to be soft together, okay

Bruce’s hands, steady and sure, began to gently press against his face. “Facial massage can relieve sinus pressure,” Bruce explained. Clark doubted that any amount of pressing and massaging could ease pressure in a skull built to withstand an atomic bomb. And maybe it didn’t, but the contact felt good, and when Bruce’s blunted fingers scraped upward and began running through Clark’s hair, he sighed again and let himself relax against Bruce’s soft Italian slacks.

This was me DESPERATELY wanting Bruce to play with Clark's hair because that's all I want when I'm miserable and sick, and justifying making it happen any possible way I could. My dad, when he was trying to get us to sleep, would trace his finger across our brows, down the bridge of our nose, and across our cheekbones in a loop, too, and I wanted to add a little of that.

Clark half-expected a gruff “Goodnight, Clark-boy” from his pa.

My mom tells me this is a reference to The Waltons. It's a TV show.

Instead, Clark was enfolded in the subtle musk of Bruce’s aftershave as lips pressed to his forehead.

I wrote this whole thing so I get a little treat for me.

And in the cruelest of ironies, I posted this and not two weeks afterwards was sick and so so so so so so sad I didn't have a Bruce to take care of me.

[sherylhooper]

Thank you for your insight! Although I really used to believe that Gojo wont come back I read some strong theories circulating around the internet that Id like to share them with you too because all of them makes so much sense ,more sense than Gege did with the whole chapter.Seeing that they are hard for me to turn a blind eye on Im also hopping onto the Gojo will come back train.Here they are-

" Gojo is based on 2 deities, Gauthama Buddha and the Buddhist Indra or Sakra 帝释天。 google帝释天手印, you can see its similar to gojo's DE. 焰摩天手印 and you get Sukuna's.In one of buddhist texts, 帝释天battled a demon (which is sukuna here) and was stabbed in his gut. He was later revived by other divine beings to battle the same demon and clinch victory. Sukuna's hand sign deity is yama, 焰摩天. But sukuna's deity didnt fight gojo's deity. He is just represented here as a demon in the story whom gojo's deity fought."

"Kashimo Hajime (鹿紫雲 一) means "purple deer.” “鹿” means deer, “ 紫雲” means purple cloud."

"Raigō (来迎, "welcoming approach") in Japanese Buddhism is the appearance of the Amida Buddha on a "purple" cloud (紫雲) at the time of one's death. The narrator nicknames Kashimo “the God of Thunder” or “Thunder God.”

"What comes next may hint at an aspect of Kashimo’s Curse Technique and/or Domain Expansion: The Amida would either arrive with two bodhisavatta or with a large retinue that includes musicians playing celestial music (turn up the volume because this is a funeral for the living). The spirit would then ascend to the pure land.

The pure land is the celestial realm of the Buddha and where many Buddhists aspire to be reborn."

"When Buddha was reborn with the Thunder God's arrival, he took several strides towards North. “If you wish to make yourself anew, go North.” With each stride, a lotus bloomed beneath their feet and declared himself to be the honoured one. Lotus flowers are indicative of strength, resilience, rebirth, rising from the mud pure."

Buddha started his spiritual journey at the age of 29

"Gojo is supposed to be 29 in the manga but he is not because he was sealed in the realm where time stopped for 19 days and his birthday was on 7 December and now he's dead as of 24th December.He will turn 29 in some hours."

"Gojo here will be revived and completely born as Buddha and choose north."

After reading all this and convinced enough I've come to a conclusion that maybe the reason Gege wrote Gojo's death in such a pathetic way was because it was not worth the effort to give him a beautiful and glorious death if he were to be revived anyway.Fans would be enraged about his return complaining that it ruined the emotional impact over his beautiful death and there was no reason to bring him back (Look at Bleach fans rants about Byakuya's death in soul society and his return).

The difference here is that eventhough fans are heartbroken over Gojo's death they are furious about the way he died.

Anyway I believe that if Gojo were to return he will only come after the Kashimo fight,the student's fight or at the climax of the series which will take so many months to finish up either way.

Oh, oh, this is wonderful and answers loots of questions.

I did know Gojo was based on Buddha, seeing as he also quoted him with heaven and earth and only him being honored one (The same way Toji was based on Sun Wukong, if I'm not mistaken).

I don't know Buddhism to a level to make connection to it, but I absulutely love the idea of Gege giving Gojo hirrible death so he can be revived.

I also love connection between Hakari and Gojo as Thunder God and Buddha.

[banannabethchase]

Matt was so focused on a bit for BTE that he misses his flight out to LA, and finds himself stuck in North Carolina. How lucky is he that a certain cowboy, a certain ex, sees his sad Instagram post and is able to give him an alternative.

~

Song title inspired by Heart Upon My Sleeve by Avicii feat. Imagine Dragons.

I had all of this read to publish like half an hour ago then AO3 stopped working and deleted all the edits and formatting I did. So. I am Upset.

~

“I know, I know,” Matt says, propping the phone up between his cheek and shoulder. “Just go without me.”

“You’ll miss your flight,” Nick says. “You know that, right? If you wait too long –”

“Nick, it’ll be fine,” Matt says, a little too sharply. “I’ll get there. You two get to the airport.” Matt hangs up the phone instead of dealing with Kenny and Nick’s haranguing, going back to the camera. He really needs to get this bit filmed in a hotel room – if he does it in an airport or at home, it won’t feel right.

It's another three takes, another half an hour, which Matt doesn’t realize until his alarm goes off.

“Uh oh.”

That’s his get to the gate alarm.

Matt pulls up Google Maps to find that the airport is half an hour away, and his flight leaves in an hour. Before he can do anything else, Nick’s name pops up on Caller ID.

“You’re still at the hotel, aren’t you.”

“I lost track of time,” and Matt won’t admit it to anyone else, but he’s whining. “Are they, like, boarding?”

“Yeah, me and Kenny are in line to get on the plane, man,” Nick says. “You’re screwed.”

Matt winces as he looks around the hotel. He still has to pick up the hotel room, still has to call a Lyft, still has to wait for it, still has to check out. “I’m screwed,” he says in a small voice.

“Call the airport and see if you can get a later flight out,” Kenny yells into the phone. “There’s got to be other flights.”

“Please stop reminding me you’re on your way to LA and I’m not,” Matt grumbles. “The one week you decide to come hang out.”

“Keep us posted on the other flights available,” Nick says. “Hopefully there are a bunch.”

There are, he finds out an hour and a half later when he gets to the front of the line of the check in area of the airport, but they’re all four or more hours away.

“And I wouldn’t bet on those flights making it to LA,” says the airline attendant. She turns the screen so Matt can see it. “Big storm across the Midwest. Honestly, if I were you, I’d find a place to stay here and try a flight tomorrow.”

Matt fights the urge to whine. “Okay,” he says, deflating. “Yeah, I’ll. I’ll check out a hotel. Thank you, ma’am.”

“No problem.”

Matt posts an Instagram story of himself pouting in the airport, captioning it with, “Stuck in North Carolina.”

As he’s scrolling hotel options, he gets a text.

[12:47pm]

You’re stuck in North Carolina?

Matt refuses to get too fluttery over a text from Adam. It’s clearly just him checking in.

[12:48pm]

big storm across the Midwest no flights out until Friday night they said

There’s a pause, and the phone dings

[12:56pm]

Need a ride?

Matt panics about the response for long enough to make it weird, then makes himself text back.

[1:03pm]

Not unless you can get me to la

[1:16pm]

If you want, you can stay at my place until it all clears up. I drove into NC so I’m about to make the trip back

Matt stares at his phone, rereading the text three times before allowing himself to believe what he’s seeing.

[1:20pm]

If that’s too weird, you can pretend I never sent that. But I’m happy to help you get wherever you need to go.

Matt’s stuck here until he can get a flight out, probably in a miserable hotel room bed that'll kill his back. Or, he’s going on a road trip with his ex to his ex’s house, who he just recently got back on texting and speaking terms with.

Unfortunately, Matt’s better at suffering emotional discomfort than physical.

[1:26pm]

that would be great. im at the airport if you could swing by

[1:30pm]

Yeah of course. GPS says 30 minutes, but I need to pack up and get ready. I'll text when I'm almost there. See you soon.

Matt is half vibrating as he waits outside the airport. He looks like any other person, hanging out while waiting for their ride. But he feels like this is different.

He and Adam haven’t been alone together, really alone, for any significant amount of time for years. Matt’s knee starts going a little nuts as he sits on the bench, so he stands up and gives in to the urge to pace around the small waiting area.

And then a familiar truck comes by. A few new dents, what looks like a new interior. But it’s the same truck.

“Hey, stranger, need a ride?” Adam leans down and grins at Matt, and, god, Matt had missed his dumb little jokes.

“Hey, Hanger,” Matt says, throwing the smile back at him. He chucks his hard side suitcase in the back of the truck with a grunt then brings his backpack and carryon into the cab.

Adam raises an eyebrow. “Where are you gonna sit?”

“They fit!”

“They – they don’t,” Adam says. “I mean, the backpack probably can, but the – the little rolly guy, you’re gonna have to chuck that in the truck bed, too.”

Matt wants to argue, wants to say that there is important stuff in here that really shouldn’t roll its way around the back of a truck when rain could hit at any moment. But then he remembers that Adam is doing him a huge favor, and he relents.

“Yeah, okay,” he says. He tosses the carryon over the edge into the bed. “You don’t have a lot of stuff.”

Adam shrugs. “Didn’t need a lot this time, since all I had to do was drive down yesterday morning.”

“You drove four hours yesterday?”

Adam nods as he puts the car into drive and pulls out expertly around the manic airport drivers, making his way to the main airport road with ease. “I like driving. Redid the truck cab to make it even more comfortable.”

“I noticed,” Matt says, before he thinks about it.

Adam glances over at him. “You did?”

Matt nods. “I mean, I spent a lot of time in this truck, right?”

Adam starts to blush, just a little bit, and Matt absolutely didn’t mean it like that. “Um. Right.”

They make their way out of the airport mess, and onto the highway.

“Thanks, again, for this,” Matt says.

Adam chuckles.

“What?!”

“Thanks again implies you said thank you the first time,” Adam says.

~

Matt’s never been this uncomfortable in his life. The drive started off awkward, yeah, but this is somehow worse. It’s been two hours since they left the airport, and everything they do or say has made the cab of the truck feel like it’s airtight and the oxygen is quickly depleting. Adam keeps making random half comments, things Matt can’t even begin to parse, but shuts up before any of it makes sense. Matt has pointed out five cows.

They’ve maybe exchanged six full sentences since getting on the highway, and that’s being generous.

Matt’s leg is bouncing like mad and he can’t control it, just pulls his fingers into fists and wishes he knew what to say to make this less awful.

“So you wanna talk about why you’re freaking out, or are you just gonna let your leg vibrate the cab of my truck into the stratosphere?”

Matt exhales. At least one of them said something. “I’m fine.”

“Sure,” Adam says, laughing a little bit. “Because that,” he nods down at the way Matt’s knee is still going, “suggests a very normal and put together person.”

Matt adjusts so he’s got his legs uncomfortably crossed, forcing his knee down. “I’m normal.”

“You are fucking not,” Adam says. “It’s fine, though. It’s why people like you.”

Matt glances over at him, Adam’s eyes are locked on the road. “Sure. I guess.” Before he can say anything else stupid, his phone rings.

“Hey, buddy!” Kenny says. “LA’s looking great. But…” He trails off, frowning. “I figure answering means you didn’t get a flight out, huh.”

Matt shakes his head. “Nope. Yours was the last flight toward the west to go out, actually.”

“Where are you?” Kenny asks. “You sound funny.”

Matt can’t help but flick his eyes over to Adam when he says, “Um. Adam’s letting me stay at his place for a couple of days, until the weather clears up.”

Kenny’s quiet for a moment. “Am I on speaker phone?”

Matt clicks it up and holds the phone up to his ear. “Not anymore.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Matt?” Kenny says, voice low. Matt hates being on this end of Kenny’s Dad voice.

“Everything’s fine, Kenny, he’s just helping me out.”

“This is a terrible idea,” Kenny says. “He’s going to hurt you again.”

“It’s fine, Kenny,” Matt says. His voice is tense. He can’t fix it. “I’ll text you when we get there or something. It’s fine.” He pauses. “And, uh. Don’t tell Nick.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Matt can pretty much hear Kenny roll his eyes. “Fuck it. Fine. Just don’t get yourself killed, you dumbass.” And he hangs up.

“Sorry about that,” Matt mumbles, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“Kenny seems,” Adam pauses, searching for words, “agitated.”

Matt shrugs. “He’s been weird the past few months about everything. It’s not you.”

They’re quiet for a while, and Matt wonders if Adam is desperately trying to come up with something to say just like Matt.

“I can drop you off at Kenny’s, if you want,” Adam says, hesitantly.

“No, it’s the opposite direction,” Matt says. “Literally. That’s not fair to you. Plus,” he squirms a little that he’s about to admit this, “I feel weird staying there without him. The walls make weird noises.”

Adam nods. “Yeah, I get that. The one time I visited there was this weird squeaking sound in the walls. Sounded like a mouse, but Dobby would have gone nuts over it.”

Matt processes that for a second. “You visited Kenny?”

Adam sits up a little straighter. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah, right before All Out.”

“You visited Kenny during the pandemic?” Matt asks. He has no right to be mad. He doesn’t. They were well and broken up at that point, hadn’t spoken in a few days. “What the hell, Adam?!”

“It didn’t involve an airplane,” Adam says through gritted teeth, knuckles white on the steering wheel. “And it was your fault for refusing to come stay with me right before everything shut down, anyway.”

“My fault?!” Matt yells, and he glances at the clock. Here they go. “You had just pulled that weird stuff at Revolution – you were acting like you didn’t even know me!”

“You could have spoken to me once!”

Thus begins the worst two hours or so of Matt’s life in a long damned time, which he knows because he keeps checking the time. They go back and forth, shooting long-forgotten accusations and angry defenses at each other like blows in the ring. Matt almost wishes they’d been able to do this in the ring, where he could hear the smack of Adam’s open palm against his chest instead of the words, “You cared about your stupid YouTube channel more than me and you know it!”

“I went to California so that Nick wouldn’t be alone!”

“Which means you were okay with me being alone!”

He wishes he could hear the thud of his body against the mat when Adam would powerslam him instead of, “Don’t pretend you gave a shit in the trio’s match, Matt, you just wanted another belt.”

“I asked you to be my partner first. Before Kenny was even cleared!”

“Right, because I’ll believe that.”

“You should, because it’s the truth, you jerk.”

They’re yelling about something that happened way back in Ring of Honor, a miscommunication when they were first dating, when they take the turn off the highway toward the little country roads that are a little too familiar to Matt. He glances at the clock for the millionth time, then back out at the charming roadside stores. And then Adam interrupts him.

“Stop fucking timing our argument!” Adam yells. “Fuck, Matty, you still annoy me the same goddamn way!”

Matt shrinks. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“You keep looking at the center display every, like, two minutes,” Adam says, voice calmer than it’s been in a while. “Unless you’re super interested in my mileage, which I doubt, it’s the clock.” He sighs. “Just like you always used to.”

“I didn’t just time our fights,” Matt says, his voice quiet. “I time everything. You know that.” He chances a glance over at Adam, who, despite fighting it, is unable to fully hide his smile. Matt can find it in the corners of Adam’s eyes.

“Yeah, I know,” Adam says, voice low. “Two hours seven minutes.”

“And fifty-three seconds,” Matt adds.

They’re quiet for a few moments. But Matt is stupid, and he wants the last word, and he’s still not over this one thing. “I just think it’s a dick move that you straight up abandoned us.”

“Would you stop bringing that up!” Adam half yells. “Jesus, you guys made it pretty fuckin’ clear you didn’t want me around anymore. Kenny was acting like a dick and you and Nick kicked me out of the Elite. Hell, even before the pandemic you acted like you were sick of me!”

“I did not,” Matt says, suddenly even angrier. “You don’t – don’t you dare say that.”

Adam laughs, a little mean. “Yeah. Sure. I bet you were just waiting to break up with me. Had to find an excuse, right?”

“I bought a ring.”

Matt waits as Adam corrects his truck from crashing into a mailbox. “You what?!”

“A ring,” Matt says, and it’s hell to keep his voice steady. He doesn’t know why he’s saying it – to hurt Adam, to help Adam, to apologize. To prove that he was always so much more in it than Adam was. To show that he put in the effort Adam accused him of shirking. “Revolution 2020? Yeah, I was planning on proposing that night.” He ignores the catch in his voice. “It was the four of us putting on the match of a lifetime at Revolution, but it would be you and me forever.”

Adam is silent, and Matt looks over to see him staring dead ahead, lips pressed together in a firm line. “You bought a ring,” he finally says, voice shaky and wet. “For – for me?”

“Yes, for you, you dumb idiot,” Matt half shrieks. All composure gone, he continues. “And then you almost hit Kenny with a Buckshot, and you wouldn’t even talk to me and Nick after, and – and you proved it was always all about winning for you.” He angrily rubs at his eyes, refusing to let any tears into this conversation. “Proved that I was only there to help you get what you wanted. And that wasn’t me.”

Matt’s glad for the seat belt when Adam takes a rapid right turn into a surprisingly secluded little area without a word.

“Are you gonna kill me in the woods?” Matt asks, trying to hide his worry. “This feels very serial killer, Adam.”

“I am not,” Adam says, voice disturbingly calm as he pulls into a practically empty campsite, “going to kill you.”

“Oh, cool, leave me to die in the woods, of course.” Matt will admit it: he’s a bit hysterical. Adam parks and it’s…it’s not comforting. “Cool. Good to know you’re still willing to drop me and leave me to –”

Adam leans over and yanks Matt into a kiss that he feels down to his toes, half crawling into Matt’s lap, and makes this miserable, tearing noise from the back of his throat. Matt remembers to kiss back just in time for Adam to pull away. “You stupid, self-centered, bastard,” Adam says, voice ragged. He’s crying, trails of tears down his cheeks. “I only ever wanted you, you dumb fucking – god, I could kill you right now.”

“Not super comforting,” Matt mumbles.

“Just shut up for once in your fucking life!” Adam yells. It feels like it echoes around the cab of the truck, sinks into Matt’s skin. “Matt, Jesus fucking Christ, you stupid – I walked away because I couldn’t stand what I’d done to you!” He pounds the steering wheel with his fist, teeth gritted together. “And – and then, before All Out. When I thought I’d have to – when I thought we would…” He trails off and finally looks at Matt again, eyes red and wet and face shattered. “I couldn’t hurt you like that again,” Adam whispers. “I left the Elite to keep from hurting you more. I couldn’t let it happen again in the ring.”

They sit in it, for god knows how long. Matt’s pretty sure they’re, like, a few miles away from Adam’s home.

Eventually, Matt has to speak. “I didn’t know that’s what you were thinking. I didn’t – I thought you. I thought you stopped loving me.”

Adam laughs and closes his eyes, dropping his head back against the head rest. “How the fuck could anyone ever stop loving you?” He turns to Matt. “How could you think I’ve ever stopped?”

Matt lets out this weird little noise. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” Adam says, turning his body to Matt. His hand is an inch away from Matt’s on the middle seat. “That the day you and Nick and Kenny came to have my back in the ring, I almost died. Because it was proof I might still matter to you.” He reaches up and cups Matt’s cheek. “That loving you for all this time made me worth another shot.”

Matt can’t fight it. He leans forward and catches Adam’s lips, climbing into Adam’s lap. He tries to tell Adam everything he hasn’t been able to say for almost three years, apologies, confessions, questions, anything he can think of. His hands cup Adam’s cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears that make their ways down his faces.

His ass hits the steering wheel and the honk makes him jump.

“We, uh,” Adam says, eyes flicking to Matt’s lips, “we should get back to my – my house. We. We could.”

“God, please,” Matt says. He has to force himself off of Adam’s lap and onto the passenger seat. Adam doesn’t let go of his hand as he starts up the car and tears out of there like a bat out of hell. It’s only ten minutes before they pull into the long driveway in front of Adam’s house, familiar dirt and bumps that send something bizarrely nostalgic through Matt’s entire body.

Adam parks and turns to Matt. “I – I want –”

Matt nods rapidly, unbuckling and jumping out of the truck. Adam meets him around the front of the truck and they grab at each other on their ways to the door, Adam fumbling for the house keys and pressing Matt up against the door at the same time. The weight of him feels the same kind of thrilling, the same anticipation, as it always did before, and he almost falls backward before Adam catches him by the waist as the door pushes open.

“Bedroom,” Matt half pleads, “please.”

Adam laughs, turning them to shove Matt against the wall. “Yeah, Matty. I – yeah.”

Matt’s head spins as Adam gets two strong hands under his thighs and pulls his legs up.

“Just like old times,” Matt murmurs against Adam’s lips. He loops his legs around Adam’s waist and hooks them, and the balance is set so Adam can pull back from the wall and walk them down the hall to the bedroom. They don’t break away for more than a second on the way there, and it’s like they never stopped.

Adam half throws Matt on the bed and yanks his tee shirt off over his head.

“Aw,” Matt says, a little stupid already, “I wanted to do that.”

“Next time,” Adam laughs, and it sounds like a promise.

They kiss frantically for some time, hands roaming familiar planes of each other’s bodies, and Matt thinks he could melt into this moment and stay here for the rest of his life.

“I – I want you – I want you to –” Adam stumbles over his words, almost shaking.

“Slow down,” Matt says, and he reaches up to rest his hand on the side of Adam’s neck. “Hey, Adam. Breathe.”

Adam nods, still a little wild eyed, but he slows down and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to mess it up again,” he says.

Matt sees the tears welling in his eyes. “Adam,” he says. “Hey. Adam. Nobody’s going to mess anything up this time.” He rolls them so he’s straddling Adam’s hips, hands pressing Adam’s shoulders to the mattress. “Adam,” he says again, because having the right to speak that name feels like a privilege, “I promise. We’re going to be okay.”

Adam sighs. “I don’t want this to be one time, Matty.” He settles his hands on Matt’s hips. “I can’t do this if it’s just pretend.”

Matt lets that settle over him. It’s a decent question – is this a spur of the moment? Or is this a road to what comes next? He thinks about it. He considers it.

And he speaks.

“Okay,” Matt says, smoothing his hands over Adam’s chest. “Yeah. I – don’t expect the ring, not yet, but.” He nods. “I want you to come back to me, Adam.”

Adam reaches up and yanks Matt down into another blazing kiss, his hands sliding up the back of Matt’s shirt, hesitating just a tiny bit. Matt leans back enough to let Adam pull the shirt up over his head.

“How do you look like this,” Adam murmurs, hands sliding up and down Matt’s back. The touch sends sparks through him, desperate for more.

“Weights, genetics, being God’s favorite,” Matt says. He grins at the way Adam rolls his eyes.

“Jesus, you never change.”

They fall into it, clothes strewn across the room in record speed, before Adam’s fingers skitter down Matt’s back to the top of his ass.

“Can I…?”

“Please,” Matt begs. “If you stop, I might die.”

Adam moves his fingers in a decision that makes Matt want to throw a shoe, but he reaches to the bedside table and pulls it open.

“Always so prepared,” Matt singsongs. His voice cuts off quickly, though, with the way Adam locks eyes with him. He drops lube on his fingertips.

“Lean forward, princess, so I can take care of you.”

 And there it is. That low voice from Adam, that focused control, that masterful understanding of Matt’s body and how to make it sing. His fingers work gentle magic, sliding into Matt and fitting like puzzles, and Matt can’t help but rock back against the touch. “More,” he whimpers, “too soft.”

“Patient, baby,” Adam says, leaning up to press kisses to the skin of Matt’s chest. “Be patient.”

Matt squirms, though, terrible with patience, and pushes down. “More,” he says, a little more demanding. “Come on!”

“Maybe I want to draw it out,” Adam says, fingers sliding at a pace almost excruciatingly slow, “maybe I’ve wanted this for so long that I won’t want to miss a second. Maybe,” he leans up, a little bite at Matt’s pec, “I want to make you wait.”

And, well. To Matt, that sounds like a challenge.

He rolls his hips down onto Adam’s fingers until there’s two, until there’s three, until he can feel Adam beneath his hips, rock hard.

“I’m ready, Adam, please,” Matt says. “I want you.”

“You have me,” Adam says, deadly serious as he looks into Matt’s eyes. “I promise.”

Adam slides his cock into Matt even better than his fingers, and Matt almost falls against him in relief. He never knew he could miss a feeling so much. “I missed this so much.” Matt’s almost crying with it as he rocks his hips, eyes fluttering shut as he angles better against Adam’s body.

“Me too,” Adam says. “God, you’re beautiful.”

They’re silent for some time, Matt doesn’t know, as they rock slowly, relishing the moment. They forgive each other over and over, with gentle touches and rocking hips, and with Adam’s hands resting gentle on Matt’s thighs. The weight steadies him, makes him feel whole.

He slowly opens his eyes to see Adam looking up at him with an ethereal little grin. He looks years younger, like he did when they first met on the indies.

“Adam,” Matt murmurs, “are you close?”

“Almost,” Adam says. “I – I could be.”

Matt stills immediately, and Adam stares at him.

“What?”

Matt grins. “Be patient, baby. Maybe I want to make you wait.”

Adam glares at him. “Oh, you’re a dick.”

Matt shrugs. “And?”

Adam laughs and Matt moves, bringing him closer and closer to release before freezing his motions until Adam relaxes again. Adam starts begging, pleading, singing Matt’s name beautifully.

Tears have gathered in the corners of Adam’s eyes again, for very different reasons, as he pleads again. “Please, Matt,” he gasps, “I need – I have to. Please.”

“Okay,” Matt says, on the edge himself. “I – you can come, baby, it’s time.”

“Oh, thank god.”

Adam gets an arm around Matt’s lower back and flips them, driving into Matt with single minded fury. Matt comes almost immediately untouched, the tension and the build crashing through him so hard he cries out Adam’s name and digs his nails into Adam’s back. Adam comes soon after with a hoarse sob, his face turned into Matt’s leg, and shoves himself into Matt one final time as the two of them calm down, bodies going more and more limp as the seconds pass.

“So, I know this is a weird thing to ask,” Matt asks, running his fingers through Adam’s hair, “but our stuff is safe in your truck, right?”

Adam laughs then pushes himself up so he can look at Matt. “Yes, it’s fine. My nearest neighbor is, like, two miles away. There’s no one out here.”

“So you can’t be sure there’s nobody living in your barn, waiting for you to come home so they can steal your food.” Matt pushes himself to sitting so he can kiss Adam before he steps out of the bed. “That’s a bit naïve, isn’t it?”

Adam shrugs and stands, stretching his arms out. It’s a good sight. Matt intentionally doesn’t look away.

“Come on,” Adam says, reaching out an arm. “Let’s take a shower. I remodeled it back in 2020. I think you’ll like it.”

Matt blinks. “Did you finally add the jacuzzi?”

Adam nods. “You were right. Changes everything.”

They wrap themselves around each other as they wash each other’s hair, as they clean themselves up, and Matt is unable to keep himself from the question. “When exactly did you do this?”

Adam doesn’t meet his eyes. “Finished it that May. I started it back when you refused to quarantine with me, when you were mad.” He fidgets a little. “I thought it would convince you to come back.”

Matt curls into himself. “Oh.”

They’re quiet as they dry off. Matt wraps himself in one of Adam’s giant towels and half fidgets while Adam gets changed. “Could you, um. Would you be able to bring my stuff into the car?”

“Yeah, course,” Adam says. “I know your thing about putting dirty clothes back on. Planning on getting your bag once I’m dressed.” He gives Matt a shy little smile and leans in, kissing Matt’s cheek as he does his belt. “I’ll be right back, baby.”

Matt sits down on the bed, cozy in his towel, as he watches Adam walk away.

And he thinks, maybe, the ring that’s still in his top drawer at home could soon find a home on Adam’s finger. Maybe, this time, he’ll be able to ask. And maybe Adam will say yes.

~

Mini Playlist: Heart Upon My Sleeve - Avicii feat. Imagine Dragons What I Need - Hayley Kioko Cowboy Take Me Away - The Chicks Back Together - Loote

[weirdprophetess]

been seeing people talk about Ethel Cain a lot and had chills the entire time i watched her perform Morning Elvis with Florence so I'm playing Preacher's Daughter for the first time and writing notes as I go

fair warning this is an incredibly long post

first of all i have to say i love this album cover the dark warm browns are gorgeous and really give off that rural small town vibe and i read a few articles about her so i know she grew up in a place like that and the album title is describing her because her dad was a deacon of the church her and her family grew up in

the basssss the bass starting family tree ooooooohhhhh i love that

these crosses all over my body remind me of who i used to be and christ forgive these bones im hiding from no one successfully jesus can always reject his father but he cannot escape his mothers blood W H A T

THE BEATSSS THEYRE SO DARK AND DRAMATIC AND ATMOSPHERIC IM SCREAMING IM ONE MINUTE IN AND THIS IS MAYBE THE BEST ALBUM INTRO IVE EVER HEARD

my brain chemistry has already been altered i instantly need this on vinyl

loveee the guitar starting off american teenagerrrrrr

the suspended vocalization tooooooo)(U*U@PIHF@

i love love love her voice its so rich and she does deep and high notes both so amazingly welllllllll screaming

the melody the flow of the lyrics the beat the synthy floaty sounds im deadddd i love thissss i want to rip it apart like soft hot bread and eat ittttt

SAY WHAT YOU WANT BUT SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT WITH YOU F I S T S FOR ONCE

MAIN CHARACTER TYPE SONG I LOVE THE IRONY I LOVE TEH SADNESS IM GOING TO WALK AROUND TO THIS SO MUCH THAT IS ONE OF THE HIGHEST HONORS I CAN GIVE A SONG @mothercain YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE BITCHHHH

I HAVE FINISHED TWO SONGS AND ITS ALREADY MY NEW PERSONALITY TIME TO HYPERFIXATE FOR MONTHS AND LET IT TAKE OVER THIS WHOLE FUCKING BLOG

THE SUSPENDED PIANO NOTES FOR HOUSE IN NEBRASKA???? Y E S

THE ECHOEY VOCALS MAKE ME INSANE IM CLAWING AT THE WALLS RENDING MY GARMENTS GNASHING MY TEETH OH MY GODDDDDD

I STILL CALL HOME THAT HOUSE IN NEBRASKA WHERE WE FOUND EACH OTHER IN A DIRTY MATTRESS ON THE SECOND FLOOR WHERE THE WORLD WAS EMPTY SAVE YOU AND I WHERE YOU CAME AND I LAUGHED AND YOU LEFT AND I CRIED WHERE YOU TOLD ME EVEN IF WE DIED TONIGHT THAT ID DIE YOURS

YOU KNOW I STILL WAIT AT THE EDGE OF TOWN PRAYING STRAIGHT TO GOD THAT MAYBE YOULL COME BACK AROUND I HAVE FULL BODY CHILLSSSSSS

THE ROCK GUITAR SMASHING IN AND BEING SO CRUNCHY GODDDDDDDDD

He's never looked more beautiful on his Harley in the parking lot breaking into the ATMs sleeping naked when it gets too hot from what ive heard people say about Lana Del Rey's music this sounds like she might've been an influence

show me how much i mean to you while im lying in these sheets undressed id hold the gun if you ask me to but if you love me like you say you do would you ask me to troubles always gonna find you baby but so will i crying only because im happy hold me across every state line im never gonna leave you baby even if you lose whats left of your mind cause you know ill be right there beside you riding through those western nights

ooh there's another song called family tree the first one was family tree (intro) but there's track five without (intro) delicious

oohhhhhooohohoho same first two lines but then new lyrics

give myself up to him in offering let him make a woman out of me ooooh hoo hoo hooooo

so family tree is a banger

i immediately thought emo cowboy on hearing those lyrics and google actually gave me that so thank you whoever made this image because its truly the essence of this album

the next one is hard times and the first thing i thought of was paramore ive been obsessed with that song lately

nine going on eightaayynn lay it on meeeeeeheeeeheeeee yessssss

im tiiiiired of you too tiiiiired to leave im tiiiired of you still tiiiiied to meeeee

I MET YOU THERE IN TEXAS

MY ASS WHO LIVES IN TEXAS👀👀👀

i met you there in texas somewhere on the thoroughfare on the side of the road with a pistol in my pocket i didnt trust no one but you said baby dont run ill take you anywhere

AND YOU SAID HEY DO YOU WANNA SEE THE WEST WITH MEEEHEEEEEE CAUSE LOVES OUT THERE AND I CANT LEAVE IT BEEEEEE AND I SAID HONEY LOVES NEVER MEANT MUCH TO ME BUT ILL COME WITH YOU IF YOURE SURE ITS WHAT YOU NEED

love love lovvveeeeee the beat that comes in a bit before that part

sad cowgirl winter lets go girls

i am halfway through this album and ive made more notes than i have for some albums twice the length thats how good 13 track albums always are

its not a real cowboy album if youre not spending the last two minutes of a nine and a half minute song just vocalizing

oh the nexts songs called gibson girl ive heard of that but i forgot what it is hang on

a type of drawing by a man named Charles Gibson of the ideal woman of the 1890s ooh should be interesting

the intro for this songgggg

the production is the fucking besttttt

the echoes for this one too yesss i love this shitttt

i dont even know what image to put this over but just youre all the same black leather and dark glasses pourin another while i shake my ass hes cold blooded so it takes more time to bleed obsession with the money addicted to the drugs says hes in love with my body thats why hes fucking it up

the guitar breakkkkkkk:PO(*&^%$^;l;pqokpiaw

next ones name is ptolemaea so lemme go look that up too

oh yeahhh that greek astrologer dude okay

ooh the distortion in the beginningggg

the intensity building is so horror-like i love it

the screech on the last stop made me jump a lil goodbye

I am the face of loves rage what the fuck

the guitar and drums all getting more intense after that line remind of of the end of I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers ill take ten million more songs with that please

the entire ending um???

its a good thing i decided to listen to this album around noon and not the middle of the night because i love demonic speaking parts but not when my eyes arent adjusted to the dark girl

ooh august underground is an instrumental i went to look up the lyrics and apparently its named after a horror film trilogy so ill probably check that out soon

televangelism is also purely instrumental and genius says its ethels ascent to heaven as music god this sounds gorgeous

what i wouldnt give to be in church this sunday listening to the choir so heartfelt all singing god loves you but not enough to save you so good luck on your own baby so i said fine cause thats how my daddy raised if they strike one once then you just hit em twice as hard but in the end the fire bent under the weight they gave me and this heart would break and fall twice as far eating these lyrics

WE ALL KNOW HOW IT GOES THE MORE IT HURTS THE LESS IT SHOWS BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE THEY ALL KNOW AND THATS WHY I COULD NEVER G O BACK HOME E T H E L THERE IS NO NEED TO EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS???

SO I MET HIM THERE AND TOLD HIM I BELIEVE SINGING IF ITS MEANT TO BE THEN IT WILL BE AND I FORGIVE IT ALL AS IT COMES BACK TO ME IM STILL PRAYING FOR THAT HOUSE IN NEBRASKA BY THE HIGHWAY OUT ON THE EDGE OF TOWN DANCING WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN I CANT LET GO WHEN SOMETHINGS BROKEN ITS ALL I KNOW AND ITS ALL I WANNA KNOW

one more song i have no idea what to say

freezer bride, your sweet divine look i have been obsessed with the locked tomb for over a year im not going to NOT think of Alecto when i see this

when my mother sees me on the side of a carton in winn-dixie's dairy aisle like the one promo picture for this right

and arlington's in texas👀👀👀

f.inisheddd thea lbum(*&#!OHPI#!HFo

wow what the hell was that im going to obsess over it forever

if there is not a colored vinyl of this i am going to fucking murder someone this deserves something gorgeous for me to stare at while its playing

in conclusion i cannot in any way let my religious mother know im trying to get this album so im going to work with my friend who helps me get explicit/gay music my mom wont let me because spotifys alright but i need to listen to this on my little portable cd player with headphones on full blast on the floor in the middle of the night because truly every album experience is better that way but especially shit like this

ethel if youre reading this how the everloving FUCK is this your debut album this literally deserves a grammy we all know they havent been shit for a while but if you dont get one for this im going to maul the entire Academy for real. keep doing weird shit i literally heard about you from Morning Elvis with Florence, my number one weird music woman and her taste has not failed me yet, especially not after an hour of being immersed in this

[sentientgopro]

Okay, screw it, It's been on my mind alot, I'm writing the damn mirror post so I can get it off my mind.

There's a song I listen to often that has a couple of lines about "breaking the mirror". I'm the type of person who feels the need to understand every line of every song they listen to, so I googled the meaning. (Side note, part of me felt like it was right to write girl instead of person and she instead of they? I almost always use gender neutral terms in anything I say online regardless of being about me, but feeling like saying she is not something I've done before. That was weird. Back to the point.)

So I don't know how commonly known it is or whether people still pay attention to old superstitions, but apparently breaking mirrors brings you years of bad luck, but eventually you'll be just fine.

And there's obvious parallels between this idea and transitioning. Things will get alot harder after you start, but you'll be infinitely better off when you start to reach the other side. Right now, I can live simply as a guy and not have to worry about the perils of being trans, but once I break the mirror, it's on.

But I can't get over how there's this really old symbolism of taking the very thing that displays who you are, and shattering it, and it's gonna cause alot of problems for a while, but then the reflection is restored, better than ever, and all the bad is washed away.

And this was just a neat little idea in my head, until I saw a CERTAIN game with a certain stereotype was on sale for like £3 and bought it. And oh my fucking God, mirror symbolism is EVERYWHERE, because of course it is. The very incarnation of the bad parts of Madeline literally come from looking herself in the mirror and breaking it. People have talked before about the heavy Mirror symbolism in Celeste, often mentioning trans people's relation to mirrors, but recontextualising that with the superstition and the things I just mentioned made it hit so hard for me when it clicked and I put it all together.

Now, I always knew this would be an aimless rant, but I still spent a while trying to think of a good way to tie it together but its not working. I'm just gonna talk about the lyrics now and how they reflect my specific situation. Its 4 lines, in pairs, in two seperate verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer."

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror."

How often do you hear trans people talk about how theyre not ready, or theyre finding excuses for themselves, and they don't know why? I'm the same, but I genuinely have a rock solid excuse for myself, that I live in an unsupportive and overcontrolling household, so I couldn't even start doing anything in secret because of how restricted I am. I should be going to Uni in about a year and a half, so that's the starting point. But even if this wasn't the case, I dont think Id start transitioing yet, Im not ready, my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer.

But that's the thing, it IS time to make it all clearer. Ive got time, with no pressure, to figure myself out and improve my mental state so that I'm in the best position possible to break the mirror. So as long as I never cease doing that, I'll be ready to break the mirror.

If you're wondering what the song is, It's The Gift by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman. The rest of the song isn't a trans allegory or anything, I honestly couldn't tell you what most of it is about, it's from fucking COD: Black Ops 3 Zombies lmfao. Every map in the Zombies mode of the Black Ops games has a secret song, usually by Kevin Sherwood and often with Elena Siegman singing, but sometimes its a different vocalist.

The reason I'm mentioning all this is because the map this song is on is Literally called "Revelations". Yep, certainly having a few of them lmao.

So, thanks for reading this unhinged rant about mirrors that's probably unoriginal as shit, I'm going to cut this off Immediately before I launch into a rant about how good Kevin Sherwood's music is. Honestly, hes too good to be working on COD, not to mention how Elena Siegman has the voice of an angel and a demon at the same time, that girls range is insane. Fuck, Im already slipping into a rant, I just need to stop writi

[goatlingsvent]

Lupisvulpes also dated a trans person despite being straight herself, I believe her intent was to encourage them to detranisition because she herself also concluded trans people being "just as perverted as gay people" and thus just as icky. Ironically if she was refusing to acknowledge them as their gender identity, she'd be, at least in her mind, in a lesbian relationship (dude was a trans guy) and this would be seem to be the case as she was nortious for misgendering him!

Also she sold off all the characters for her original series so she can't continue the series, this isnt a add on the growing list of the controversy irs just not a lot of people know that but still get confused why she won't continue the series. Additionally most of the new owners don't like lupis after the incident and or don't plan on reselling the characters either.

So please don't try and "steal" the characters thinking your reclaiming them. They already have new, better owners who have all but given them much more queer friendly back stories.

Point is of my rant however: my character uncommon-ish species that I had to go out of my way to look up to find any examples of, and none of what I found that look like my guy, it was a water fowl, and "dry land birds" are FAR more common. In my experience ravens, crows, jays and other corvids are much more common- and my guy wasn't a penguin either.

I'm not gating keeping the species either, is just the design while on the simpler side was 1:1 with the design I entered in their raffle, and they claimed to have never seen my design before, a lie.

I'm ok with "sibling" designs. It's just they took the design I entered 1:1 in their raffle, a simple design but the species and circumstances making at least hella sus to me. Had it been something way more common id easily shrug it off. But no, I had a very uncommon species by furry standards.

The reason the Christrain thing was brought up is I've never heard the words Christian and furry in the same sentence without the said "CF" (Christian furry) saying or doing some inheritly anti-christrin but also anti-furry: stealing someone's uncommon species fursona design- yes a real life animal, but us furies have a huge species bias so if it's not one of the cooler animals or as well known it gets shafted big time. Stealing and lying about is anti-christrian, but stealing someone's design and profiting off it is also anti-furry.

Like again, if it wasnt for the fact I entered in their raffle which was held through Google forms, I couldn't claim oh yeah they've already seen my design and made a 1:1 copy of it to keep for themselves because they are uninspired as all fuck. But I did enter and I paid to enter. Which caused some drama because something about the legal differences between raffles, lotteries and gambling or whatever. A Google search corrects me and that you can pay to enter raffles: however unlike a lottery there MUST be a guaranteed winner. Which I think there was.

It's just, claiming you never saw my uncommon species design before despite entering in your raffle some months earlier (about the time it would take to finish a fursuit give or take a month or two) with that said exact species and you turn around and 1:1 recreate it. Had I won the raffle I'd have the suit.

So like I shouldn't have done what I've done: I actually offered to buy it back much more than they were asking for, even offered to make stuff for them only for them turn around and give it someone else.

I don't trust Christrian furries any more. It's a walking contridicting giving the furry community has ties to the kink and LGBTQA+ communities which APPEARS TO GO AGAINST MOSR CHRISTIAN VALUES.

No seriously look it up, the first ever conventions that were anime related doubled as furry ones and the first furry conventions were kink met ups. Not saying modern furrism hasn't changed to very much being a welcoming space for all ages, but know your history given it's deeply connected to queer, kink and even anime history.

🤲

[megumar]

i translated はっはー's TR/ID and NL/ID comics out of sheer force of curiosity

the translations might not be 100% correct (i used google translate) and i didn't translate some of the tiny texts, sorry about that 🙏

1/10

"Sadik's special made chocolates and Nesia's favorite very sweet chocolates"

TR : Don't you get tired of being stuck in meetings? That's why, I sometimes make sweets and bring them over.

ID : Thank you very much...

ID : *eats* I-It's delicious.

TR : I'm confident with sweets from my house!

ID : *whispers* I want everyone at SEA to eat this too...

TR : !

TR : I'll bring a lot next time! Would you like to make it together~? *strokes Nesia's hair*

ID : wai-- augh...

-------

2/10

TR : Shall we go out to eat after work?

ID : Sure.

TR : Even though the food is mainly desserts.

ID : Yes.

TR : i'm hoping to find something good.

ID : yes.

TR : You don't want it...?

ID : Ah, no... It's not like that, um...

TR : *thinking* Oh, this is...

ID : I'd love it! Very!! I'm thinking of eating something sweet...

ID : I'd love to go eat! I'm looking forward to it!

TR : Hahaha! I get it, I get it. *pats Nesia's back*

TR : Then, we should finish this quickly!

ID : ... Alright.

-------

3/10

ID : What is it?

TR : Hm?

ID : You keep staring at me, makes me hard to eat...

TR : Weeell~~ You have something over here. *pokes his own right cheek*

TR : You seem lost in thought while eating to the point that you don't even notice it.

ID : *blushes* Huh? Has it... always...?

ID : T-That's... more and more...

ID : WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER!!

TR : Hmm~?

ID : Ah... This is kind of embarrassing...

TR : Now, now~ Never mind that and eat more!

-------

4/10

TR : *pets Nesia's head* Indonesia is really a...

EG : SEKUHARA.

ID : U-Um...

TR : S-SE--!? Oi! It was Egypt who said that, right!!

TR : Ah, that's not it...

TR : Could it be that you didn't like it?

TR : If so, I don't mind if you tell me honestly.

TR : I won't do it again.

TR : No, really, I'm sorry...

ID : ...

TR : E-Err, this is just embarrassing...

ID : I didn't... hate it...

TR : O-Oh, I see...

ID : Yes.

TR : *internally* T-This is-- (sekuhara to what extent, exactly...?)

TR : As long as it's okay-!

TR : Should I hug? Or not!?

TR : EEEH?!

-------

5/10

TR : *still thinking* Will it be too chummy?? *flails*

(He's overthinks too much that he ended up not knowing how to communicate)

ID : Pfft-- Hahahahaha!

ID : Even though Mr. Turkey is wearing a mask, your emotions are leaking.

ID : you can't even say hello properly like that, can you?

ID : Mr. Turkey may hate it, but I like that kind of thing.

ID : I think it's cute. *chuckles*

TR : *internally* HAH? Leaking?? Like??? CUTE????

ID : I'm sorry. Am I being too rude?

TR : ... No, it's--

TR : ... Thanks.

TR : I'm so uncool, huh... (how miserable...)

EG : *thinking* Funny. (and stupid.)

ID : Eh, don't say that...!

-------

6/10 (this is the one that confuses me the most because of Ned’s dialect, please correct me if i’m wrong ;; )

ID : Do you still have something you want from me?

NL : If I do something like that now, the surroundings will be silent.

NL : You do it first.

ID : *slides away* ...

NL : Don't say you don't want it.

NL : Let's get along. (how overt)

ID : If you want to get along, then do something about it.

NL : Ha?

ID : There! There it is! You, and... A GHOST!!

NL : AAH? There's no way I can do it!

NL : Come on, me or the ghost, which one do you hate...? Answer clearly!

ID : BOTH!! (i don't want to get along!)

-------

7/10

NL : Let me take a ride.

ID : I'm not a taxi.

NL : I know, I'm not paying you.

ID : That's not the case, I mean, how did you know it was me?

ID : i'm wearing a full face in this crowd.

NL : I can not lose sight of you. *sparkles*

ID : Eh... *blushes*

ID : *trembling* Whoa... Please pardon me for not picking you up today. (vigilance MAX)

NL : Please, I beg you.

-------

8/10

NL : What is this? *frowns*

ID : Mr. Turkey gave them to me. Aren't they beautiful~?

NL : Ooh...

(Later...)

ID : *opens door* Wel... COME!?

NL : *hands a bouquet of tulips* Accept this.

ID : HA!?

ID : this house is already full of tulips!

NL : there is still space...

ID : it's enough!!

-------

9/10

ID : WHY ARE YOU IN THE SAME BED...!? (unbelieveable...)

NL : Shut up.

NL : Because you're scared of being alone in the dark.

ID : Ha!?

ID : Just as expected. I'm not a child who can't sleep alone at night.

NL : Of course... Otherwise I'll be in trouble... *smooches Nesia's forehead*

ID : *blushes* What the hell...? (we're not in a relationship anymore...)

ID : *thinking* Don't blame me...

-------

10/10

ID : *still thinking* He fell asleep...

ID : *internally, while he's hugging Ned* HAH!! Oops, a force of habit...!

ID : I have to leave while he's sleeping...

NL : *suddenly wakes up* Oh, how passionate.

ID : *blushes and sweats* A-AH... T-This is...!

ID : ALL YOUR FAULT---!!

NL : No it's not.

ID : ... Yes it is...

[petrolstationflowers]

Get to Know Me- Sims Style

@treason-and-plot tagged me, thank you so much!!

What’s your favorite Sims death?

I honestly hate the deaths because everyone cries and it makes me really sad ):

Alpha CC or MaxisMatch?

So I had to google what this was because I am Old tm so... bearing in mind I don't play TS4, I think I have to say MaxisMatch? I'm not using a super powerful PC and I don't like my sims looking hyper realistic. That being said, I do use a LOT of cc hair because the textures and colour blending tends to be much better.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

Nope! I take them as they come but may slim them down again with the gym when I can.

Do you move objects?

Yeah... I get frustrated when I can't put decorative objects in slots where there's very obviously space for them so I abuse it horribly.

Favourite Mod?

I mean I have a TON but tbh NRaas Story Progression was a total gamechanger back in the day and fixed the shitty EA Story Progression that still doesn't work.

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

The Sims! I recently found the discs again, they came in a pack with my family's first computer (:

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing

What oh god oh fuck the CRISIS I had thinking about this. LIVe mode.

Who’s your favourite sim that you’ve made?

It's probably this bitch:

Have you made a simself?

Nope! I actually have always felt really weird about them so I've never done it.

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

The bright flaming red, I'm a sucker for redheads.

Favorite EA hair?

Pretty much anything that came with Island Paradise, those are the few I haven't swapped for default replacements.

Favorite life stage?

Teen! I feel like it's when their personalities really start coming out.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Gameplay; I do like building but I'm not amazing at it.

Are you a CC creator?

Yes! I'm very slow but I try.

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

Not at the moment but I'd love to make some!

Do you have any sims merch?

Not official; I have a plumbbob necklace and earrings from Etsy. Other than that, just hard copies of the games and the poster from the anniversary edition of Ambitions.

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

Nope.

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I don't think it really has tbh. I'm always trying to improve though.

What’s your origin id?

Oh god what even is that... looks like it's CeriseLaflamme.

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

Ooooh.... TheSweetSimmer for their excellent toddler and QOL mods! MaryJaneSims also does the best default hair replacements, too.

How long have you had simblr?

Uh, Stan's stuff only this year, but I've been posting on WordPress etc since 2012.

How do you edit your pictures?

The default image editor I have on my PC.

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite?

All of them, tbh, they all have a special place in my heart. Maybe Seasons?

Tagging @hazely-sims, @hurricanesims, @sircesimblr. @starsweeperskies, and @faeriefrolic!

[justabunchofdragons]

Well akdnsjd idk I'm just curious what like your life was like? Like what hobbies did you have, what was your house/apartment/living space like? Did you have any plants? What were your friends like? (I feel like. That's a lot akdnjsns sry)

>:D theo you've unlocked chaos ramble mode™️ buckle up im about to talk for half n hour

ok. im not gna lie and say i was overly interesting. also i won't make shit up. some stuff i literally don't remember because source (well. the fic) was fuzzy about details & also this was 4 yrs ago.. did not have a diary back then to record stuff but i will try to answer as best i can :D

so. !! i ran away from home at 16 ! not completely sure why. racking my brains and coming up blank. dropped outta school and met . sherlock.. sigh. on a train to london. he figured out everything about me in like 2 seconds which was. really fucking weird. my sherlock needed to learn some people skills.

anyway i think we parted ways after that and i must've lived somewhere close to them (don't remember that part.) because somehow i got johns number. dunno if i knew sherlock & john were flatmates but i called john when i got stabbed. why not the ambulance you ask!! well i was 16 and scared. also this is slightly off topic but i remember (as a irl memory not an exomem) old host spending like half an hour finding an alley on google maps that was a short enough drive from 221b that i wouldn't. u know. die. before john got there.

why did i say all of that. oh yeah. !! i was homeless for a bit. teach me to run away to london /j. after i got .u know. john either took me in or 221a did. something like that. got to know lestrade & co. etc etc. dont think i had any plants. everything was very. intense. plants probably wouldve just died.

didn't have any friends 😔 it was absolutely not healthy for me to only be talking to 25+ yr olds.but im gna be honest. that was an oversight on old hosts part. shoulda written better fic 🙄. kgkgjgkf. uhmm i feel like there was a creepy boyfriend at some point...? after my ordeal with moriarty (not getting into that. i think that part was testing how much trauma would fit into one person without killing them) he tried to get back w me and i punched him in the face. i remember walking back to the office with a new coffee and a black eye and literally i was the "you should see the other guy" trope

also id like to clarify i pretty much always looked like shit. never got any decent sleep. definitely. OH SHIT. I JUST REMEMBERED. sherlock let me take drugs one time. that was so shitty of him wtf john yelled for DAYS. oh my gosh. that was why i think someone forcibly stopped us watching sherlock actually. it was. not a good time in our life & constantly thinking abt taking drugs was Not good. holy shit. epiphanies at 11.30pm i wasn't prepared for