#oh my god they were mates

[thvndrlight]

more ocssss acotarxDA !

my mage boy Daniel and her illyrian mate Vega in medieval era

[justsierrasart]

And there was only one tent 🤭🍃🕷️

I thought I was strictly Halsin x Astarion and Minthara x women but bi rights I guess/j

Them bunking together is just an absolute fanfiction generator, it’s so funny and the scenarios about their dynamic are endless. Also I think they’re quite compatible, in an “opposites attract” way. I’m sure they’d balance each other. I can just see her picking up botany and him.. uh.. poisons.

I think I’m gonna post a lot of these two 🤭🤭

[tategaminu]

Not obvious at all since sharing a plate, touching arms and holding hands while eating is something normal everyone does. Don't worry about it

[qkmlh]

Still ducking hilarious to me that Zoro & Sanji began their beef because they thought the other was misogynistic and it came to a head of no return when Zoro felt his title of ‘Luffy’s specialest boi’ threatened by Sanji’s comment

[gareleia]

THE KNITTING SAGA BUT ODY PULLS A BRUCE WAYNE

update: my co-writer friend FINALLY got a tumblr account, so I can tag them now!!

previously: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

okay, bear with me for a moment. odysseus' perspective in all of this would be fascinating. and you know what is also fascinating? the way we can do whatever we want in this AU. so we can and will keep baby Astyanax alive.

to start with, Ody doesn't kill the baby. obviously. the reason is that, while he's having his fascinating little soliloquy about the morality of child murder in JAM, some terrified nursemaid that had been hiding somewhere in the room (I imagine her behind a conveniently shaped vase) picks up a dagger and stabs him in the shoulder from behind.

obviously she fails to do the deed, and he quickly and almost automatically kills her. but he's still stabbed. non-lethally, but enough to greatly hinder him.

Ody decides to go back to his people to get first aid. he can't bring himself to kill the baby, but he also can't just leave it there for others to find, because there's no telling if the remaining Trojans would rescue the boy, or if the Greeks would take him as a prisoner/slave or adopt/lose him somewhere where Odysseus can't ensure Zeus' prophecy won't come true. so Ody takes the baby with him.

the soldiers are,,, not impressed.

Eurylochus, looking at the infant: so, uh. what do you have here, captain? Odysseus, avoiding eye contact at all costs: a smoothie-

Eurylochus in particular is beside himself thinking about the implications. but overall people are too happy about finally going back home to really make much of a fuss about it, so it's fine (for now).

anyways Odysseus is still on edge about the baby's (and everyone else's) safety, so at first he tries to bring the boy with him everywhere. but his injured shoulder doesn't allow him to actually carry the kid too much. so that job falls to Eurylochus.

Eurylochus is soooo enthusiastic about the prospect, especially when the infant starts biting his chest, trying to nurse.

the baby: h o n g r y eurylochus: ARGH! GET YOUR GODS' DAMNED KID, BRO! odysseus: it don't bite eurylochus: YES IT DO

Odysseus prohibits everyone from using the baby's real name, both to keep its origins a secret from potential enemies, and to avoid getting attached to it (in case he actually decides he wants to kill it). so Eurylochus nicknames the baby Aphe, from greek "αφαιμάσσω", which means "to leech". because the damn brat keeps biting him.

eventually he and Poletes get into a heavy debate about whether or not it's mean to call a baby a bloodsucker, and Ody, who'd been having a crisis of faith, steps in and settles it for good.

from this point on, Astyanax the Prince of Troy is officially dead. and Odysseus is bringing home his infant son Aphemachus the Prince of Ithaca. etymology is somewhere along the lines of: afaimasso (to leech) + machos (war) = Aphemachus (the blood-sucking war; the war that sucked our blood)

Eurylochus is the one who Aphemachus had gotten attached to the most, due to all the carrying (and the biggest boo). He cries all the time when they're apart, and only Poletes seems to somehow be able to distract the boy, so they end up watching him in shifts.

aphemachus: *wailing in the dead of night* eurylochus, groaning: poletes, your leech is awake. poletes, also groaning: until the sun is up it's your leech.

Odysseus at the same time is still having doubts, so he doesn't trust himself to be too close to the baby.

those thoughts will haunt him for years, and will eventually play a huge role in their relationship, even after Ody starts forcing himself to spend time with his new son to forge a bond that would hopefully stop Aphemachus from destroying Ithaca.

Aphemachus indirectly saves Poletes' life. because when they reach the cyclops' island, Poletes stays behind with the majority of the soldiers to look after the baby. as a result Polyphemus doesn't kill him.

the downside is, Polyphemus almost gets a drop on Odysseus, and in an effort to push him away from danger Eurylochus gets severely injured. his right shoulder never quite recovers, and very deep down he blames Odysseus for needing help in the first place, because not freezing up in battle is the first and most important lesson they were taught as children, and then Ody went and froze up anyway.

sidenote, in Mutiny later on Odysseus will intentionally aim for said shoulder, exploiting the weakness that Eurylochus will have been very put out by and insecure about. just to add to the overall drama.

what none of them know yet, is that Odysseus had royally pissed off Zeus by ignoring his 'friendly advice' of infanticide. so much so, in fact, that Zeus tasks Ares with ensuring that Aphemachus grows up to destroy Ithaca.

as a result, poor kid grows up with the voice of bloodthirsty God of War in his head, constantly trying to convince him that everyone secretly hates and wants to kill him, that he's been stolen from Troy for nefarious purposes, and that it's his duty to avenge his REAL family. so, basically, your standard run-of-the-mill gods-induced paranoid schizophrenia.

odysseus: so, what do you want for dinner? ares: YOUR HEAD ON A SPIKE aphemachus: a bagel ares: NOOO aphemachus: two bagels

as you can guess, the poor boy's mental health is... Not Great™. he grows up a difficult kid, sensitive, too smart for his own god, prone to angry outbursts. think a cross between Damian Wayne and Jason Todd. he's also very paranoid, and remember that Odysseus still has doubts? Aphemachus can sense that, and that scares and angers him more, which makes him lash out, to which Odysseus also tries to keep his distance even more. he doesn't have much experience at actual hands-on parenting, and it doesn't help that he's not sure if he has a right to act as a father to the boy he had indirectly orphaned and directly almost killed.

poletes, exasperated: aphe, dear, we've talked about this. you know violence is never the answer, right? aphemachus: right. aphemachus: violence is the question, and the answer is YES-

so the most consistent positive influence Aphemachus has in his life are Eurylochus, Polites, Perimedes and Elpenor - until the latter dies and Perimedes decides to stay away.

Eurylochus is the stone-faced stern mother hen. he's the one that makes lists upon lists in his head of what the baby, and later toddler, needs. he enforces bed time, makes him eat as healthy as possible on the ship, etc. as such, his status as 'favorite' is quickly revoked once the kid grows old enough to complain.

the new favorite is Poletes, who spoils Aphe rotten and has a hard time saying no to anything. he's the fun uncle who's always down to play games.

Perimedes and Elpenor are like semi-responsible older brothers, who teach him about all kinds of stuff. Perimedes is the type to give Aphe lots of different chores to keep him occupied, and Elpenor, in contrast, tends to whisk the kid away to get him to relax and unwind. he also likes to teach Aphe about stars and constellations. meanwhile Peri 100% had handed toddler Aphe a knife as a prank to test everyone's situational awareness (think Stabby the Roomba), and got shit from everyone.

eurylochus: let me see what you have! aphe: a knife! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ eurylochus, going through all stages of grief simultaneously: NO!

Ares, while he detests lying and 'cheating', doesn't want to wait until Aphe grows up to make him wreak havoc. so instead he starts trying to trick the kid into accidentally causing bloodshed. and most of the time he targets Polites, because the peace-loving fool is an affront to everything Ares stands for.

this results in Aphe often running in between someone's legs at most unfortunate times, spilling liquid where people walk frequently, hiding fish hooks in food as a 'joke'…

it comes to a head with a contraption born out of every inch of cunning Ares possesses (not much), all Aphe's wild child imagination and many of Perimedes' trap-making lessions. it's a glorious thing, straight out of something between Home Alone and the Final Destination series.

Nobody ever really catches him, blaming the near-accidents on pure bad luck. Poletes never once notices that something is amiss, thinking he's just clumsy. the only reason he's still alive is because Elpenor is somehow always there to run interference.

Elpenor is the only one to suspect Aphe, but, since he's a dumbass alcoholic, nobody believes him, even his boyfriend Perimedes. Ares gets fed up with this and starts making Aphe target Eple instead, but before anything could really be done Ruthlessness happens, and they come to stay with Circe.

elpenor: I fear no man aphe: (✿◠‿◠) elpenor: but this thing… this thing scares me

it's only after Elpenor's untimely death that Perimedes starts to take his concerns seriously, but it's too little, too late. it's actually an honest to gods accident that Aphe has nothing to do with, but Peri had sat through so much paranoid, drunken rambling from Elpe that it just clicks to him. he blames Aphe, and, despite not voicing his concerns (because nobody would believe him either), he makes it abundantly clear that he doesn't want anything to do with Aphe anymore, to the boy's dismay.

finally, a few important notes on continuity:

in this AU the journey is a bit slower-paced than in canon, so instead of Act 1 happening almost at once after they left Troy, in the Knitting Saga after the Polyhemus fiasco, pissed off Poseidon decides to torture them first before the execution, so they are lost at sea for a couple years in between Remember Them and Storm, before Poseidon gets bored and decides to kill them for good. then they spend a year with Circe as she cooks up a way to send them into the Underworld, in the meantime hoping that Poseidon cools down somehow. then the Underworld and the Thunder Sagas happen a couple months apart, and then Ody (and Aphemachus, who is kept alive by the gods purposefully, so he has a chance to grow up and destroy Ithaca) spend 5 years with Calypso, and then another year trying to get to Ithaca.

Telegonus still exists in this AU, despite not being the son of Odysseus and Circe. instead, he is the unwanted son of Circe and some unnamed sailor from that first batch that she had taken pity upon and let her guard around. because of being born a demigod and living on a magical island his aging is a bit wonky, but he appears to be around 12-15 years old. he's a charming, confident, precocious child, who takes after his mother in personality and approaches. him and Odysseus get really close in the time that the crew stays on Aeaea, because Telegonus is not (as far as Ody knows, at least) prophecized to harm Ithaca and Odysseus desperately misses Telemachus; while Telegonus just imprints on the first dad-shaped adult he sees. Aphe is sad and desperately jealous.

aphemachus: d-daddy??|･ω･) odysseus: do I look like- ಠ益ಠ telegonus: you are my dad! you're my dad! boogie-woogie-woogie! (~˘▾˘)~ odysseus: awww!! yes!! what a good boy!!(✿◠‿◠) aphemachus: ಠ_ಠ

fun fact, Ody considers leaving Aphe on Calypso's island. Aphe, who's like 8-9 at the time, almost expects him to do so. only on the morning of their departure do they have a heart-to-heart about how Ody was a shitty, emotionally unavailable father, and how Aphe only ever wanted to be loved.

fun fact 2, telegonus will make another appearance later ٩(๑･ิᴗ･ิ)۶

[yaminerua]

Lister and Rimmer still being bunkmates even after the accident kills everyone on the ship but Lister is so funny

like you have a ship that’s practically the size of a city and loads of freshly empty rooms to take your pick from. You don’t have to stay in the same room complaining about each other’s living habits!

It’s like if the ‘only one bed’ scenario actually had loads of beds available to choose from and these two goofs were just sharing the same one out of stubbornness

Fucking A+++

I Love it

I Love Them

[heartofstanding]

It is entirely your fault that I hear a medieval cover of Take Me to Church and can only think of Hal and Courtenay

I regret nothing.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

I think you know whose coming for the fmk alternatives.

Blanche, Dorothy and Rose for 8 & 9 😊

Haha, I was hoping you'd send them!! Let's see...

8. share a car with, share a bank account with, share a cake with

This one had me stumped for a while because of the bank account thing. Blanche is very clearly the richest among the three, but she's also a big and extravagant spender, and I'm not sure a single bank account would be able to support both of us 😂 she also got swindled that one time in S5E22: Cheaters, so... yeah, I'm not putting my money into her hands 😂

My knee-jerk reaction was to share an account with Dorothy, since she's the most level-headed and responsible one of the trio. I mean, she kept her family afloat for decades on very little money, and she handles both her expenses and (most of) Sophia's ones! But then I remembered that she's been shown to take impulsive decisions and go on shopping sprees that she can't afford at times (see eg S3E3 Bringing Up Baby), and she has also dealt with a gambling addiction in the series, so...

All in all, surprisingly enough, I feel like the most reliable one when it comes to money is Rose! iirc, all her financial problems in the show were related to either losing her job or losing Charlie's pension -- so she's not *rich*, but she seems to be responsible with the little finances she has. She's a little too generous with donations (I vaguely remember her gifting money to a fund for needy rich people?), but apart from that, she's fairly sensible when it comes to money! I'd mostly feel safe sharing an account with her. :)

With that out of the way... if that 'sharing a car' is a long-term arrangement, I'm definitely sharing with Dorothy. I'm willing to bet she's great at car upkeep and at keeping track of car-related responsibilities! She'd be the type to fill up the tank once she's done using the car because she doesn't want to leave me with no gas :') and she'd be very respectful of any set turns or arrangements!

That leaves Blanche and sharing a cake -- and I have to say, it sounds like a dream! I can't wait to listen to her sordid tales of young romance while she convinces me to put some ice-cream on that cake (and it would be a cheesecake, obviously!).

9. watch a soap opera with, go to a play with, watch your favourite movie with

This one is much easier, haha! My favourite movie of all time is The Sound Of Music, and I'm sure watching it with Rose would be a fantastic experience. We'd make an evening out of it, complete with a good blanket to snuggle under and chocolates with little marshmallows on top! And we'd sing all the songs, of course -- so it would double as a karaoke night :)

I'm definitely bringing Dorothy to a play. She enjoys theater plays, so she'd have a grand time, and that's already a point in her favour; plus, she's knowledgeable about literature and history, so odds are she'd be able to enrich my experience by telling me interesting stuff about the play itself, the author, and/or the historical context it was written in. It would be so fascinating -- I'd learn so much, and I'd have a wonderful time!

As for the soap opera, Blanche is the perfect choice, no question -- and not just because she's the only one left. She's the queen of drama! And soap operas are the most dramatic shows ever! We'd have a blast just reacting to everything that happens (with a good cocktail glass of lemonade in hand, of course) -- and if I'm lucky, our watch party might even turn into a hell of a gossip session!

[fmk alternatives]

[jikigo]

you ever just see a post and just

. 😭

.⬅️🫀⬅️

[candycryptids]

Nightmares, Trauma, Jealousy

If the tireless, dauntless, Eikon slaying Warrior of Light won’t pay attention to him he’ll simply take more extreme measures until he Cannot Be Ignored.

Character on far left is Kizuna and belongs to @zombiesockfuckinglovescardfight

[courviknight]

today worst day ever 🥹🥹 so glad to be home

[blueberryattack]

What if we, two men who watch the light, held horny hands in our lighthouse while unbeknownst to us a ghost and a miser watched?

Just kidding, haha

....unless?😳

[hella1975]

SNORK FUCKING MIMIMI

[todayisafridaynight]

Today at trivia: learned a baby hedgehog is called a hoglet. You've many hedgehog themed shenanigans here and I thought you'd like to know if you didn't already 💕

YEAAAHHHH LIL HOGLETS !!!!!! an UPMOST important fact to know...

[heartofstanding]

do you ever wonder if richard courtenay looked at hal post-battle of shrewsbury and was just like, "oh my god it's like i've got my own st. sebastian?"

[abimee]

ruyan and chefant could never break up because the overseeing god of their fate (Minthe) (Sarah) (Aria) has designated them as having to be forever each other's perfect half. they are incapable of seperating once connected and its why he doesnt die. this has only happened twice in the entire timeline of my ocverse