#oh look there's Ianto

[captainjackscoat]

DONNA AND TOSH I NEED IT

listen to me. donna noble would fit so much better with torchwood. torchwood three. think abt it. imagine her with them. imagine her and jack. the banter. imagine her with ianto THE GOSSIP!!! putting owen in his place her new skinny guy. she would give tosh the world. she and gwen would butt heads but then be besties. please. see the vision

[foolforlover]

Orestes trans. Anne Carson + Torchwood (1) (2) (3)

[quietwingsinthesky]

do u guys think jack ever let members of the torchwood team fall asleep on him in the backseat. because i do.

[universalsatan]

kinda wanna set up a betting pool for the ao3 ship brackets. i don’t even know who with, i just wanna be right

[toshsato]

Chapters: 1/?

Fandom: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood

Additional Tags: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Alternate Universe - Crack, Semi-Cannibalism, Angst and Humor

Series: Part 49 of Ianto Dies In Various Ways

Summary:

Why does the Doctor hate pears so much?

[cipher-fresh]

Mutual #1: Ruby is DEFINITELY Missy’s daughter guys

Mutual #2: I wish 15 had condemned cops or something when Ruby asked why the TARDIS looked like that

Mutual #3: CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON. CHRIS. CHRIS COME BACK BABY

Mutual #4: She Charley on my Pollard till i Scherzo

Mutual #5: I hate that Moffat is returning to write an episode. Can Steven Moffat kill himself please

Mutual #6: I love that Moffat is returning to write an episode. Can RTD kill himself please

Mutual #7: What if we kissed in front of Ianto’s shrine in Cardiff and we were both girls

Mutual #8: Chibnall’s episodes outside of his era are some of his better ones. I think for every cool thing he does there’s law of conservation of energy applies and the next episode he makes sucks

Mutual #9: I really do not mean to TJLC but i think the Doctor is going to realize he’s in a TV show this season. Bc i don’t know what to do with the death of RTD’s subtlety in foreshadowing

Mutual #10: I’m not misogynistic but I just hate everything about the 13th Doctor era and I just think it doesn’t have a single redeeming quality.

Mutual #11: You are literally an anti-feminist if you hate anything about the 13th Doctor era

Mutual #12: Spydoc are pegging each other rn in my Google docs

Mutual #13: Guys I’m getting a tattoo of the 8th doctor should it say “autism” or “lesbian” underneath in impact font

Mutual #14: It’s so sad that Simm!master turned into a puppygirl. Oh well I must comply to canon

Mutual #15: Was Thasmin queerbaiting? No nuance pick one

Mutual #16: Everybody listen to the TV movie soundtrack NEOWWWWWWW

Mutual #17: Tegan and Nyssa would have the Monkees on their sex playlist

Mutual #18: I just wish 14 got a whole season, you know? Or maybe two. Or three. Who needs 15 anyway?

Mutual #19: If David Tennant steps foot on a Doctor Who stage again I will kill him with my blade

Mutual #20: Link to pirating big finish in reblog. everybody please come to 6th Doctor land with me

[sp3akfromtheart]

uh-oh! looks like captain jack accidentally drank an alien love potion! not that ianto seems to mind...

[by-gray]

Okay, so my convo at Megacon with Gareth, Naoko and Kai so I can never forget it.

Okay so first of all, they all decided to troll the panel runner by coming on in the wrong order to how he announced them. Gareth seemed to be the lead-troller. The guy went “give a round of applause for Kai Owen!” And Gareth came leisurely walking on, hands in pockets. So the other two followed suit. When Naoko flopped down, she sorted out her bag and there was a muffin in it, so she asked us “does anyone want a muffin?” and she literally yeeted it (badly yeeted it) to this guy to have.

The cast’s whole dynamic seems to be “let’s bully Naoko for being lovably silly.” She’s chatty too. Like all I could think about is how she’s the complete opposite to Tosh whereas Kai is more Rhys than Rhys and Gareth is an even funnier Ianto (also, somehow, even more fucking gorgeous in real life his whole face seems to GLOW).

When it came to my convo, I asked “is it okay if I ask two questions?” because there was loads of people behind me queuing. Kai went “NO!” Naoko laughed. Gareth said: “Only if both questions are directed to Naoko.” This was a running joke since the beginning of the con because Naoko for some reason couldn’t understand any questions that day. Her excuse throughout the con was “English is my second language” – btw at some point, Gareth said “you have a lot to say for your second language.” He was hilariously savage.

Anyways, my two questions were: “what is your favourite Big Finsih audios you’ve done? And, if you could have one Doctor Who monster that could’ve been in Torchwood, which one would you pick?” Naoko didn’t quite get the questions (again). Kai went “bloody hell she only asked it two seconds ago!” Everyone laughed. Gareth tried to explain it to her, but he got it the other way around himself and said “which Torchwood alien would you like to be in Doctor who?” I explained the question again and Gareth went “oh sorry I got it the wrong way around”.

Naoko answered that she liked the Dinner and a Show audio and she loved the adipose because she thinks they’re really cute. Kai’s first audio mention I can’t remember… in the moment, you sort of find it hard to take in everything they say because you’re so overwhelmed and excited. It’s killing me, but he said he loved Rhys and Ianto’s Excellent Barbecue as well. He agreed that he liked the adipose but also the daleks and the weeping angels. Gareth’s fave audios I can’t remember either, but my friend thinks he said Fall to Earth because he mentioned a ship falling out of the sky. He also spoke about earlier, in answer to another person’s question, how cool Absent Friends was with DT (alas, as we know, never to be released). He immediately agreed with Kai about weeping angels. He said that he’s kinda been with the daleks in Doctor Who, but the Master would’ve also been amazing. I immediately jumped in and asked my third question: “which one?” He said John Simm. I nodded in agreement because all Masters/Missy are incredible choices.

During Kai’s talk he looked straight at me, smiling so wide, teeth showing, and lovely. And when they all thanked me for the questions, he said: “you look great by the way.” I was in a gender-bend Jack costume.

Along with Gareth shaking everyone’s hands during the Photo op, asking our names and then saying “nice to meet you [insert name]” with the sweetest smile… highlight of my day.

[iantosource]

i think its a bit weird to act as though ianto is the only character who isnt bad/hateable/kind of an asshole cause even if you only take the show into account ianto is pretty clearly on the side of "barely cares about the consequences of torchwood's actions on the normal people who might be caught in the crossfire". you see it in day one when he's just as indifferent to carys as everyone else. in sleeper when all he does when a woman is about to get tortured for an interrogation is offer water. in adrift he does help gwen find flat holmes but its more because he knows she wont stop looking so he might as well make things quick. and if you add in all the extended universe oh boy he gets so much worse! locking a man alone in an office and retconning himself so he wont feel guilty about it. manipulating someone's memories to become their best friend jsut to gain access to a secret base. pretending to cut off someone's arm as "payback" for them disliking aliens. thats only a small sample of the range of shitty behaviours ianto displays. hes not the sweet baby angel people like to think he is

[phyrexian-lesbian]

*At a café*

Waiter: Oh you’re a pretty girl. Tell me, which one of you is third wheeling?

Gwen, looking at Jack and Ianto: That would be the pretty girl.

[the-torchwood-archive]

Plant Life by Trevor Baxendale.

Something I find interesting about this story is how often I see people misinterpreting Jack's behaviour in it, especially at the end. They want some sort of relief from him. Some sort of intimate moment. But honestly, I like how it ends. There's no space for intimacy because he's angry with himself. Angry that he missed the signs of an alien invasion because he was too preoccupied with wanting to be soft with Ianto.

Almost letting the world end because you want to protect the person you love. To me that's better than a tender moment. It's very Torchwood. It certainly won't be the last time.

Full text is under the cut. This was a quick transcription, so let me know if I've missed anything.

Gwen skipped lightly through the Hub portal as it ground slowly open. It wasn’t something she did very often. There was usually something to worry about – a midnight text to alert her to an attempted alien invasion or some kind of extra-dimensional incursion through the Rift – and any step taken in the underground headquarters of Torchwood could be a step closer to death.

But not today. Today was different. Today was normal. Properly normal. And nothing was going to stop it being normal.

“Good afternoon,” yelled Captain Jack.

Gwen smiled to herself as she jogged up the steps to his office.

He was sitting back with his boots up on the desktop, a wide, gleaming white smile splitting his face in half, “Nice of you to show up for work today, Mrs Williams,” he continued. “That’s if you actually had doing any work in mind. You could just float around the place looking all love-struck and everything if  you’d prefer. It says in the rulebook you can to that in lieu of a honeymoon.”

“Cooper,” said Gwen, still grinning, “I’m keeping my name. Rhys has agreed.”

“Oh, he has, has he?”

“Yeah. Said it wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t Gwen Cooper anymore. Besides,” Gwen raised her left hand and waggled her fingers, “this says I’m a Mrs.”

“And what does that say?” Jack pointed a finger at the thing under her left arm.

She looked down as if surprised, “This? It doesn’t say anything. It’s a plant.”

“A plant.”

“Yeah. Spider plant. For the flat. I picked it up from the market this morning on the way in. Do you like it?”

She held out the spindly little plant for Jack to see. He straightened up, a slight look of repulsion on his movie star face, “Not keen on spiders.”

Gwen laughed, following him out of the office and down towards Tosh’s desk space. Toshiko was staring intently at the phalanx of glowing computer screens that constituted her workstation.

“Morning, Gwen,” she said without looking up. Reflections of the monitors flickered in her glasses, “How’s married life?”

“Fantastic,” Gwen told her, gleefully spinning Tosh around in her chair. She skipped after Jack, “I never knew you were scared of spiders.”

“I’m not. I said I wasn’t keen on them. We had a falling out on Janus Prime, spiders and me.”

“Well, this is just a plant, that’s all. No worries,” Gwen plonked the potted plant down on her desk and bounced into her seat.

Jack frowned, “I hope all this post-nuptial bliss wears off soon. I'll have to have a work with Rhys, get him to start leaving his dirty socks on the floor and toe-nail clippings in the bed.”

“Oh, he does that already,” sighed Gwen, “Like I said, no worries.”

“I’m nauseous.”

“I’m in need of coffee,” Gwen rapped on her desktop, “Where’s Ianto? A Monday Morning Special is required.”

“Tea boy’s in the Hot House,” said Owen as he emerged from the depths of the autopsy room.

“Don’t call him that,” Gwen chided, “What’s he doing in there?”

---------------

“My turn to water the plants,” explained Ianto. He was carefully pouring a plastic cup full of water into the soil of a pot plant, his face a picture of care and concentration. Ianto Jones approached every one of his duties with the same level of precision and commitment, whether it was making a cup of coffee or aiming a stungun at a weevil.

The Hot House was the team’s quiet area, a small place of tranquillity in the often frenetic environment of the Hub. It was warm and secluded, located in an angular glass pod overlooking the rest of the base.

Gwen turned away from her view of Jack and caught a glimpse of Ianto’s pinstripe through the foliage, “I thought this was Owen’s thing?”

“Well, I imagine he’s got other things on his mind right now,” Ianto responded, “What with being dead and everything.” He straightened up, observing his handiwork with a high achiever’s critical eye, “Besides, if it’s in the Hub, it’s my thing.”

Gwen walked along the rack of plants, letting her fingers play through the leaves, “These are all alien then, are they?”

Ianto shrugged, “Some of them are, certainly. Spores or seeds that have drifted in through the Rift. We plant them and see if they grow. Most die. There are some plants in the universe which don’t photosynthesise – and they find carbon dioxide poisonous. Others need specifically controlled environments,” he tapped the glass of a large blue bottle, “and ultraviolet light. Some only thrive in absolute darkness.” He knocked on the lid of a large black box. It was completely sealed and impossible to see into, “There’s something growing in here, allegedly.”

“How can you be sure?”

“We can’t. I call it Schrodinger’s plant.”

Gwen stooped to look at a small purple flower embedded in rich peaty soil on the next bench, “What’s this one called? It’s beautiful.”

“Nose Biter,” Ianto said flatly, “It’s carnivorous.”

Gwen jerked back as the jagged petals twitched.

“Not all plants are alien in origin,” Ianto continued as if conducting a tour, “Some come through the Rift from the future and the past. This one is from the Silurian era.” He indicated a large, bushy fern.

Gwen pulled an appropriately impressed face, although she had no idea what he was talking about. She looked at the specimen that Ianto had been watering so carefully when she came in, “And what about that one?”

“Ah, that’s my favourite.”

It was rather plain. Just a thin green stalk and a single, rather nondescript leaf. “Riight,” said Gwen.

“It’s really come on in the last few days,” Ianto explained, “It was practically dead last week. Owen as all for throwing it out, but I believe in giving everyone a chance.”

“Everyone?”

“Thing. Every thing.”

Gwen straightened up, bored. “It’s very nice.”

“All it needed was a drop of water. And a bit of patience.”

“Lovely,” Gwen turned her full beam smile on Ianto. “Any danger of a coffee this morning?”

---------------

Owen didn’t sleep anymore and spent most of his time pottering around the Hub. Captain Jack spent all of his time at the Hub; in fact, his sleeping quarters were located beneath his office, accessed via a salvaged submarine hatch set in the floor. Owen used to think it was just eccentric, but now he understood what it was like to have no life at all outside Torchwood. Or no life at all, full stop.

Nethertheless, no matter how early Owen checked, Jack was always up and washed and dressed before him and ready to greet the day with that big grin, “Morning!” Jack called from his office as Owen stalked up from the calls. He’d been inspecting the Weevil containment locks, just for something to do. He waved at Jack, who signalled back with a cheery flick of The Times. Somewhere above them a pterodactyl flapped lazily around the roof vault.

“Jack! Owen!” Ianto’s voice rang out from somewhere above them. Startled, Owen looked to see Ianto at the top of the spiral staircase leading to the Hot House. He was in his shirtsleeves, but still with a waistcoat and tie – what passed for early morning casual with Ianto.

“Hey, Ianto,” Jack yelled, “What gives?”

“New bud! New bud!” he cried, and then darted back into the Hot House.

Owen and Jack found him peering intensely at his plant – it had already become Ianto’s plant – and pointing, “Look! Just there. It’s a new bug. Isn’t that fantastic?”

They examined the plant. Sure enough, juts by the leaf, there was a tiny, shiny green bulge.

“I wonder where it came from,” Jack mused, “How far across the universe and how many centuries it’s travelled to get here and survive.”

“It’s doing well,” Owen concluded, “I’d almost given up on it.”

“You had given up on it,” Ianto said.

“Maybe I could run some tests,” Owen suggested, “Cross-check the cell patterns with the stuff in the archive. May tell us something.”

“There’s no need to waste your time on that,” Ianto said, “It’s here and it’s alive. That’s all that matters, surely?”

“It’s something to do,” Owen insisted.

Jack said, “Why don’t you check the archives anyway, see if you can find something that fits the description. Ianto can help. It’s going to be a quiet day after all. Tosh is off out and I’m tidying up some stuff with UNIT.”

But Ianto wasn’t listening. He was very gently pouring water into the pot around the base of the plant, watching the soil soaking it up.

Owen shrugged and headed for the exit, “At the double,” he sighed.

---------------

“Do you think it likes coffee?” Gwen asked.

Ianto shook his head, “I doubt it. Too many toxins. At the moment all it needs is water.”

“At the moment?”

“And love and understanding, of course.” Ianto added with a smile.

Gwen laughed gently, “You must have green fingers.”

“Hi there,” said Jack, strolling into the Hot House, “Thought I’d find you here. Everyone wants to know how Ianto’s plant is doing.”

“There’s another leaf coming through,” Ianto said proudly.

“Never a dull moment in Torchwood,” Jack said.

“It’s sort of cute, don’t you think?” smiled Gwen.

“That depends,” Jack replied, “on how much it takes Ianto away from his normal duties. Such as coffee.”

“Good point,” Gwen nodded.

“I’ll get you coffee in a moment,” Ianto assured them. There was a hint of abruptness in his tone that made Gwen and Jack pull a face at each other.

“I’ll get on with my work,” Gwen whispered, heading for the door.

“Yeah,” said Jack, “Me too.”

---------------

“Have you thought of a name for it yet?” Toshiko asked, powering her workstation down for the night.

Ianto school his head, “No pet names.”

“It seems silly not calling it anything,” Tosh insisted gently, “We ought to give it a name.”

“Owen’s been checking through the botanical archives to see if he can find a match,” Ianto said, yawning, “We’ll know what it is if he finds one.”

“You look tired.”

Ianto stretched, leaning back on the old settee, “I could do with some sleep, that’s true.”

“You’re spending all your time here,” Tosh said, “Nothing unusual there, I know. But you looked bushed. Jack won’t thank you for being too tired to work. It may be quiet now, but you know how it is around here. Anything could happen at any time. We need to be ready.”

Ianto dragged a hand down his face, “I know, I know. I’ll go home soon. I’ll just check on the plant first.” He heaved himself up and headed for the Hot House.

---------------

“Well, I don’t really see any harm in it,” Gwen said the next day. They were in the boardroom, Jack playing thoughtfully with a pencil. Gwen sitting on the next, Tosh next to her. Owen was leaning against the double doors.

“You think it’s a hobby?” Jack asked, unimpressed.

“Well, I don’t know much about hobbies.”

“Hobbies are for men,” Owen commented.

“Ianto doesn’t have any hobbies,” Jack said.

“He’s very fond of that old stopwatch,” Gwen said, her eyes full of innocence.

“That’s not a hobby,” Jack insisted.

“It’s only a plant,” Toshiko ventured, “What harm can there be?”

“He’s obsessed with the thing,” Jack said, his voice hardening.

“The plant isn’t poisonous, carnivorous, mobile, or intelligent,” Toshiko continued, “For all intents and purposes, just a plant. I repeat: what harm can there be?”

Jack swivelled around to face Owen, “Have you come up with anything on the database?”

“Nothing. The Torchwood botanical records go back over 100 years. There’s nothing on the computer, the microfiche, the ledgers or diaries that fits the description. We don’t even know what it is. We don’t even know,” he added meaningfully, “if it’s alien.”

“What do you mean?” asked Gwen, “I thought all the plants in the Hot House were extraterrestrial in origin, or at least from another timezone.”

“So we think,” Owen replied, “What proof do we have in this particular case? I should point out that there’s nothing that fits the description of the plant in any Earth records either, but I’ve only been looking for three days and it’s a big job.”

“We could take a cell sample,” Toshiko said, “Put it under the microscope.”

“Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t done that already,” Jack cut in.

Toshiko looked momentarily fazed, unused to being reprimanded, even mildly. Jack had spoken softly, but he wasn’t smiling, “I – I just didn’t think it was necessary,” she said, “We’ve been busy with other things. I don’t see what the problem is – Ianto’s looking after his plant, that’s all.”

“She’s got a point, Jack.” Gwen agreed.

Jack sighted and threw his pencil down on the table top, signalling that the meeting was over, “Okay, back to work, people. I’m getting paranoid in my old age. Scat.”

They filed out, but he called Gwen back just before she left, “How did Rhys like the spider plant?” he asked.

She laughed, “Never even noticed it.”

---------------

The plant was looking very healthy. It was a good couple of centimetres taller, and possibly straighter, with two full leaves and the start of a new one. It wasn’t all that big, or even very special looking, but it now dominated the Hot House.

This was partially due to the fact that nearly all the other plants had gone.

Ianto had moved them out of the Hot House one by one. They were stacked on the steps of the spiral staircase and Toshiko had to climb very carefully through the foliage to reach the door to the pod. Inside, more plants had been moved to the floor on the far side, away from Ianto’s own little flower, and many of the racks had been completely cleared.

“Ianto…what’s happened up here?”

“Nothing,” Ianto grunted, straightening after placing the heavy glass bell jar containing who-knew-what by the door, “I’m just making a bit of space.”

“For what?”

“For the plant. It’s getting crowded. It can’t grow properly without light and space.”

Toshiko stepped into the Hot House, which now seemed very bare. Her voice echoed slightly against the glass walls as she spoke, “Does Owen know you’ve done this?”

“Owen?” Ianto repeated, “What’s his got to do with him?”

“Well, he sort of…kept this place going, didn’t he?”

“Owen’s got other things on his mind right now. As I think I have already pointed out.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“Jack says you’re obsessed with this plant thing,” Toshiko said carefully.

Ianto smiled, “He’s jealous.”

“Possible. You are giving it a lot of attention though. And it’s just a plant, after all.”

“He worries too much, and so do you. That’s your problem, Tosh. Too much worrying. Sometimes you’ve just got to do what’s right and ignore everything else.”

Toshiko was a little taken aback. She had never heard Ianto speak like this. He didn’t sound hostile, but there was something wrong. She took a deep breath and said, “I thought it was time we took a sample for investigation.”

He looked at her, and saw she was holding a microscope slide.

“You can’t,” he said.

“I only need a tiny piece,” Toshiko said, “I want to have a look at its cellular make-up.”

“You can’t,” Ianto repeated.

He said it simply, and with a smile, but Toshiko didn’t doubt him for a second, “All right,” she relented, “But I’ll have to tell Jack. He asked specifically. At the very least the plant needs to be catalogued, and we can’t do that without a cell sample.”

She left the Hot House, still holding the empty slide, while Ianto carefully added a few more drops of water to the plant’s soil.

---------------

“Hey,” Jack said from the doorway, “Need a break?”

“No thanks. I’m good here.”

“Kinda weird, though,” Jack said, leaning back against the glass that overlooked the rest of the Hub, He took a sip from his mug of coffee, “I mean, you sitting there like that. Doing nothing.”

“I’m not doing nothing,” Ianto stated. He didn’t look at Jack. His attention was fixed on the plant. It was all that was left in the Hot House now, with the exception of the swivel chair Ianto was sitting on, right in front of it.

“Right,” Jack agreed slowly, “I guess I missed that.”

“Yes,” agreed Ianto, “I guess you did.”

“The others are getting pretty worried about you.”

“There’s no need for anyone to worry. We’re fine.”

“We?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine, really.” Ianto looked up at Jack, “Really.”

“Okay,” Jack said. He sipped his coffee again and grimaced, “Thing is, we’re all drinking lousy coffee here now. This stuff is disgusting. Tastes like Sontaran dysentery. And believe me, that’s something you don’t want to taste twice.”

“There’s more to life than coffee.”

“What, really?”

“That’s all you think I’m good for, isn’t it, Jack? Making coffee.”

Jack grinned, “Well, I can think of a couple other things you’re good for.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Jack moved further into the room, keeping his hands in his pockets, casual, “Ianto, this has gone far enough. You need a break. You haven’t slept in two days. You haven’t shaved either. And you know what I  think of beard rash.”

“Bring me a razor and I’ll shave.”

“Sure. How about a change of clothes too? Because frankly, Ianto, you ain’t as fragrant as you used to be.”

“I’m not leaving. More important things to do in here.”

“Just for ten minutes, then. A comfort break?”

“Don’t need one. Haven’t drunk anything in the last twenty-four hours.”

Something crunched under Jack’s boot and he noticed some tiny pieces of broken glass glinting on the floor behind Ianto’s chair. He stepped carefully over them and leaned on the back of the chair. It creaked slightly but Ianto didn’t move. Jack took a deep breath, “Don’t you think this is all a bit…unusual?” Receiving no reply, Jack squatted down at the side of the chair, speaking softly, “Ianto…I need a cell sample from the plant. We have to check it out, see what makes it tick. I mean, we know it doesn’t actually tick. We just want to find out what it is, what it’s doing.”

“It’s growing. It’s a plant. What else would it do?”

“Well, we don’t know. That’s why we’d like to check it out,” Jack held up a slim rectangle of glass, “I’ve got a slide right here. Let me take a sample and I can get out of here, leave you and the plant alone together. How does that sound?”

No answer.

“Toshiko’s got the equipment ready to do. All she needs is a sample. How about it?”

Still no answer.

Jack moved towards the plant, extending his hand with the microscope slide. Ianto grabbed Jack’s wrist, fast as a rattlesnake. His knuckles were white, but his eyes were red – bloodshot, but wide and alert.

“Don’t touch it,” he hissed, “You can’t touch it!”

Jack tried to pull away, but Ianto held him in a surprisingly strong grip. They struggled against each other for a few seconds until Jack wrenched his arm free, “Goddamnit, Ianto, I’m not fighting you over a plant!”

“Then don’t fight me!” Ianto cried hotly, “Just leave me alone and everything will be fine. Can’t you see that?”

Jack stood up, breathing heavily, “What’s up with your arm?”

“What?” Ianto looked down at his arm, where the shirt cuff had been pulled away to reveal a series of sticking plasters on the white flesh, “Nothing. I had an accident, that’s all. I was moving one of the specimens and the jar broke. Cut my arm. It’s nothing.”

Jack glanced down at the fragments of glass on the floor, “You need to be more careful.”

“I’ll brush it up later.”

“I wasn’t talking about the glass.”

Jack tossed the slide down onto the floor and walked out.

---------------

There was no natural light in the Hub. The Torchwood base was located deep below ground, and there were no windows. It was sometimes impossible to tell the difference between day and night, and this made it very easy to lose track of time. To counteract this, and maintain some vague kind of biological clock, Jack found it useful to dim the lights in the evening, and then turn them right back up in the morning. Ianto had once likened it to life on a submarine. Jack had winked and told him that he’d once spent many weeks onboard a German U-Boat in World War Two, “Technically I was a prisoner of war, but we were submerged for a long time and, well, sailors are sailors the world over.”

That had been in the early days, when Ianto blushed easily, “They’re called submariners,” he’d muttered, “Not sailors.”

Jack smiled at the memory. There was always a hint of the pedant about Ianto. Underneath that soft exterior, there was steel. Very very people got to know that. Those that did usually regretted it.

“He’ll be okay,” Gwen said quietly, joining him by the circular window in his office which overlooked the Hub. It was gone midnight and the vase chamber was in semi-darkness. On the far side they could see the glow of the lights in the Hot House, and Ianto, still sitting there watching his plant, “We’ll find a way.”

“Sure. We could just storm in and drag him out if we wanted to,” Jack sighed, “That’s what Owen wants.”

“Since when did you take any notice of what Owen wants?”

“There has to be a better way, Gwen. I don’t want to hurt him”

“He’ll fall asleep eventually. He has to. That’s what the police do in siege situations. Wait long enough and they’ll just…nod off.”

“Ianto won’t. He’s tougher than he looks. And that plant’s got a grip on him. I don’t know how, but I’m going to bread that grip, Gwen. That I promise.”

“He’s moving,” Gwen said suddenly.

Ianto was little more than a silhouette, but he had got up from his chair.

They both ran out of the office, Jack leaping down the steps to the lower level while Gwen clattered along behind him. Eventually she grabbed his arm and pulled him to a halt, “Wait!” she hissed, “Don’t rush! He’ll hear us!”

Owen emerged from the cells, looked at Jack and Gwen, glanced up at the Hot House. He realised immediately something was up and shot a questioning look at Gwen.

She raised a finger to her lips, signalling caution.

Jack was already moving up the spiral staircase, as quick and silent as a jungle cat. Gwen followed, trying to match him. Automatically, she reached behind her hip for her pistol, only then remembering that it was on her desk. She glanced behind her, past Owen, and saw Tosh heading towards them as well, pausing only to collect her PDA.

In the Hot House, Ianto was bent over his plant. His shirtsleeve was rolled up past his elbow, and his forearm was extended. The plasters had been removed. There were deep cuts in the flesh, and the blood stood out stark and red against the white skin, running down his wrist. His fist was clenched so the blood came freely, trickling into the soil of the plant pot.

Jack stood in the doorway, transfixed by the sight. He felt as if he was intruding on an intensely private communion. Ianto was oblivious, his full concentration on the plant. As Jack watched, a thing proboscis emerged from the plant stem, extending like the tongue of a hummingbird towards Ianto’s arm. It burrowed into the wound, pulsing slightly as it lapped up the blood.

“Bastard!” Jack had seen more than enough, hurling himself across the room, wrenching Ianto away from the plant. Blood jetted into the air as he spun away, collapsing into the waiting arms of Owen and Gwen. They lowered him gently to the floor.

The plant actually hissed.

Jack swept it off the shelf with enough force to send it crashing into the far wall. The pot burst against the glass in a shower of dirt. The plant hit the floor, white roots writhing in the air, groping like a hundred fingers for the scattered soil. Two quick strides took Jack to where it lay. He raised his boot and crushed the plant flat, screwing his feel down until it left a smear of green and red across the floor.

Instantly, Ianto fell slack. His head lolled as Gwen tried to sit him up. Owen was already putting a field dressing on his arm, “Okay, Ianto, you’re all right. We’ve got you. You’re going to be fine.”

Toshiko scanned the remains of the plant with her PDA, “No life signs,” she reported, “Whatever it was, it’s head. And not before time, I have to say.”

Jack’s lip curled in disgust, “What the hell was it?”

“A plant,” Owen said, “Some time of telepathic species, perhaps, using mind control of the local fauna for protection. It used Ianto to look after it, protect it, feed it. He was nothing more than a slave.”

“He’s all right now, though,” Gwen assured him, “The moment you killed it, I felt him relax, like a puppet with its strings cut. He’s free of the influence.”

Jack turned to leave, “Get this place cleaned up. Get Ianto cleaned up. This room feels dirty now.”

Gwen rested a hand on his arm, “Don’t be hard on yourself. No one knew what to do for the best.”

“Except the plant?”

“It’s gone. We’re still here. Ianto’s still here.”

“What if we hadn’t been alert? What if it had reproduced, spread seeds, got out of the Hub? Imagine a whole planet with those things growing in every park and hedgerow. The human race could have been reduced to mindless slaves doing nothing but feeding blood sucking plants,” He shrugged, then looked back up at his people, This is our life, guys. This is Torchwood. We can’t relax. We can’t hesitate. We have to be ready.”

[teslapunk3327]

just saw a post saying Ianto believes he is straight other than loving Jack....and I gotta disagree. Heavily.

You can't tell me the man who slept with Captain John, Captain Jack, snogged a man called Patrick, states that the Head of Torchwood One Security was easy to fall in love with, and who runs off with a 6" tall shapeshifter believes he is straight. (Oh, and the man who makes an elaborate lie about how he is boyfriends with the cousin of the man who is the son in law of the Prime Minister.)

Also that one book (is it Pack Animals?) where he does not deny the fact he is bisexual. Only denies that being bisexual means you "get the best of both worlds."

If you want to argue over his sexuality, I'd take his word as being bisexual. Though 18 years on, I'd also offer the fact he could be demisexual, just unaware of it. Especially how Lisa remarks, "you always said you never did care about what I looked like" after she takes the body of the pizza girl. Same with the "it's not men, it's just him." It's not an attraction to men, it's attraction to the individual after connecting with them personally.

Though, he is just bisexual.

And don't get me started on how in the Absent Friends transcript the first thing he and The Doctor do is start flirting

[littlegaybean1]

Ok ok ok...

It's been almost 18 years since it aired, but who cares I'm talking about it anyway.

I've seen a lot of people hating on Cyberwoman. And yeah, I understand why. That costume choice was, er, quite something. But it's still my favourite episode and yk why? The build up. The plotline. And most of all the acting. Oh my god the acting. My favourite scene has got to be the tourist office, because oh my days have you seen the way Gareth David Lloyd plays Ianto? It gives me chills. After watching it, I rewatched Everything Changes and Ghost Machine because I never actually noticed Ianto in them, unless he's speaking. The only time you ever see him is when he intentionally draws attention to himself, which he rarely does. I watched them again, specifically focusing on Ianto. He's barely in them. He's one of the main 5 characters, but in the first three episodes he has one of the most minor roles. Like, you see him let Gwen into the Hub, delete the stuff she typed to make herself remember and see him introduced. That's it for episode one. And yes, everyone has a minor role in that, but you never actually see him as part of the team. He works alone, always.

Episode three really highlights that for me. He appears every so often with a funny comment. He has less screen time than Rhys. If it wasn't for the fact that I was actively thinking about him, I would have completely forgotten that he was there. One of his rare appearances really got to me - the ending. Jack gives him the ghost machine to put in the secure archives. That's normal, the archives are his area.

Except Jack doesn't even look at him. He just holds it out, like Ianto is a servant, not someone with years of experience dealing with aliens. Ianto worked at Torchwood One. He was the most qualified of anyone on that team when each of them joined. Owen was medically trained, but no experience with aliens. Tosh was a genius, but she had only experienced aliens through wrong blueprints of their technology, plus a charge of treason. Gwen had police training, nothing more. She got a job by being stubborn, and in the right place at the right time. Jack was reckless, dangerous, and did not want to join Torchwood. He only did it because he needed to do something in the 100+ years that he would be waiting for the Doctor.

Ianto had everything taken from him all at once, and nobody bothered to check on him. He looked fine, so they didn't give it any more thought. They of all people should know that that's not how it works. Ianto was repressing his grief, exhausting himself with the amount he worked both at his job and caring for Lisa. He never had any desire to cause anyone any harm. He was blinded by overwhelming grief. When humans experience loss, the automatic reaction is to cling to what you have. For most people, that means reaching out to friends and family, creating a support system. Ianto lost all his friends, all at once. We don't hear about his family until S3 (goddamn S3), but it's implied that they aren't close. I haven't listened to any of the audios, so if there's more to it than that then I don't know it.

Ianto had nothing, except an echo pretending to be Lisa. He did the most natural thing in the world, clung to what he had. Or at least, what he thought he had. Don't blame Ianto for the events of Cyberwoman. His actions correlate with normal reactions to grief. Yes, his actions were extreme. But so was his grief.

[redlyriumidol]

this piece of concept art from ages ago is the lone bit of evidence feeding my delusion that isabela is going to be in this game. i mean, that's definitely her right? she has the same jewellery (the piercing under bottom lip especially) and a very similar look, she's got a dagger, she's in the sea... it's all giving isabela. so at the very least at one point in production she was part of the game, if this is her?

other points to my isabelusion:

she can't die. even if you hand her to the arishok varric mentions that she escapes.

we're going to be in rivain and she's the most major rivaini character we've had (there's duncan too but he's dead). it makes sense for her to be there.

when you ask varric about the da2 companions in inquisition, a codex entry pops up for isabela and not the others. this might just be related to the fact that she was a multiplayer character, but I choose to believe that it's set-up for something in da4.

that codex entry (notorious raider trash) is written by Isabela and talks about different raiders operating in rivain. of particular interest is Ianto, who has been mentioned previously and is the very worst of the raiders and a slave-trader, known as "the Terror of Llomerryn." he's too interesting and oft-mentioned a character not to be utilised at some point imo. Isabela suggests he might have dealings with Tevinter but this might just be a joke about how terrible he is- if he's dealing in slaves it seems likely, though.

Isabela is apparently an admiral now and is back with the raiders. she's an important figure in an area we'll be visiting, so if there's some kind of raider plotline she has to be involved. right? right?

points against (well, point)

they've said the decision to leave hawke in the fade or not won't be relevant to this game, and if it isn't a decision you can select at the beginning of DAV it would be strange for Isabela not to mention Hawke's fate, particularly when romanced. however the decision not being relevant doesn't mean it won't be mentioned.

personally I didn't leave Hawke in the fade (rip alistair, very sad, oh well) but I'd be fine with Isabela briefly mentioning that Hawke is with Carver doing (whatever). That being said, as much as I want the romance to be mentioned I would rather her be in the game and not talk about Hawke. but it would definitely be weird.

in conclusion I have thoroughly convinced myself that Isabela will make an appearance. it might be wishful thinking just makes sense.

[jantostolemyheart]

The Master And The Freak

Written for day one of @torchwoodfanweek - fic is also on my ao3

Prompt: Mind Control

Jack could feel something attempting to get past his protection, pressing at his mind. If it weren’t for his training, he was certain they’d be able to get in. He looked around at his teammates. Nothing seemed unusual. At the very least, it probably wasn’t Toshiko. She wasn’t foolish enough to try that twice. Everyone seemed focused on their work. Then he heard it, and he froze in terror. 

“Hello, freak.” That voice. The one that had put him through a year of hell. It was back. 

“I know you can hear me. You’re going to do exactly as I tell you to, or you can say bye-bye to your precious little Torchwood, and all your teammates. Ooh, and you’re even quite fond of them, especially a certain Welsh boy, aren’t you, Jack? You like them young, don’t you? Such a shame, he’s so full of life too.”

“Get out of my head,” Jack was furious now. 

“Now, now, freak. That’s not very nice,” the Master chided. 

“I’m going to kill you.” 

“How are you going to do that? You don’t even know where I am. For all you know, I could be in New Zealand. But. If you threaten me, you won’t like the consequences very much. I’ll start with the cute one. What’s her name? Tosh? I know you two are good friends.”

“Don’t you touch her!”

“Or what, freak? Remember, you’re not in control here. I am. 

“...”

“What’s that? Nothing to say, freak? That’s what I thought. Now, listen up. You are going to be my servant. You are going to get me whatever I need, whenever I ask. If you don’t, well my minions know exactly where your little group of friends are. And don’t even try to protect them. You can’t. Oh, and if you so much as try to tell them, they will all die immediately. Except for that little pet of yours. He’s my chip, because I know that without him, you will have no reason to cooperate. He won’t die, but he will still suffer, and wish he was dead. You wouldn’t want to risk his life like that, now would you, freak?”

Jack held back an anguished sob. “If I do what you want, will you go away? Leave us alone?” “Oh look, the freak has a heart. Yes, I will go away and leave you all alone. You have my word.”“Full offense, but your word carries no weight with me.”“Picky, picky. Fine. I swear upon Gallifrey and your precious Doctor. Satisfied?”“That will do.”

“Excellent. So! You will tell no one where you’re going, and you will go out to get all these items that I need, and then deliver them exactly to where I tell you to. You have until 22:00. That should give you what, five hours? Better run!” The Master gave Jack a list of his demands, and a location to get to, in a completely different city, nowhere near Cardiff. “Oh, and leave your communication devices behind. You won’t be needing them.”Jack turned and went back into his office, grabbing his coat. As far as he could tell, no one had noticed him up there on the catwalk, arguing with the Master in his head. It sounded ridiculous, even to him but he wasn’t willing to risk his teammates' lives. He did manage to slip out unnoticed, or so he thought. Both Ianto and Gwen saw him leaving. Tosh was engrossed in her software, and Owen was in the autopsy bay, so they hadn’t seen their Captain do the disappearing act. 

Ianto pressed his comms. “Sir? Where are you going?” A few moments passed, no response. He tried again. “Jack?” Nothing. Gwen tried too. Then they both tried. A moment later, they heard a bit of feedback. They ran up towards Jack’s office, where the noise came from. Jack had left his comms and mobile on his desk. Even his VM was there, and Ianto knew Jack never went anywhere without it. Something was seriously wrong. 

Gwen pulled out her PDA, it should be able to display where all Torchwood members were in case of emergency. Jack had had them implanted with a chip. If ever there was a need for emergency tracking of a missing Torchwood member, this was it. Four red blips showed up, centered in the Hub. Their Captain’s was nowhere to be found. “Jack has one, I know he does. I gave it to him myself. So why isn’t it showing up?” 

Ianto took the device from Gwen to examine it. Nothing. 

“Hello Torchwood bugs.”

Ianto and Gwen looked around, guns drawn. The Master laughed. 

“Silly bugs. I’m in your head, not your Hub. I gather by now you’ve noticed your precious Captain is missing. Sorry. Oh wait, no I’m not. He’s out doing exactly what I told him to. Because if he doesn’t, you all go Ka-BOOM. So you better hope he does exactly what he’s told. Don’t bother to try to find him, you haven’t got a chance. That little tracker in his cerebellum - very clever. Unfortunately, that went bye-bye! See, I’m not stupid. I’m always a few steps ahead. And you, boytoy, you better hope your boyfriend doesn’t make me angry. Or it’s playtime for me. If any of you bugs try to find the freak, you won’t ever see him again. Bye now!”

[captainfairygodmother]

if you were the doctor what would your Outfit™️ be

Oh, this- this is interesting!

As a forewarning, I am only up to the 2009 specials, but I know what the other Doctors look like so will draw some inspiration from them, as well as my own style.

So, without further ado;

Lowen As the Hypothetical Doctor:

Cue Doctor Who Theme

Coat:

What I'll first start with is the top layer, which, naturally, is going to be some sort of long coat/trench coat.

It would have to be long, and quite older fashioned- to be fair, it would probably be more Jack Harkness style than, say, 10th Doctor. I wouldn't have it in Navy though, I'd probably have it in black or grey.

Some random Google examples:

Shoes:

Now, this is probably going to be the easiest one. Why? Because I would probably directly copy the 9th Doctor's boots.

I mean, just look at them. Aren't they glorious?

My current pair of boots are falling apart, I've wore them pretty much every day for the past year, and the sole has now just completely separated from the bottom of the shoe. I have hot glued them back together, but it doesn't really work...

Actually, I might have a picture from when I first got them, just as some inspiration for what I'd wear...

Stunning. I love them. Definitely in my Doctor Outfit™.

Actually, you know what would be quite fun? If I had little charm things that dangle from the back loops of the boots. The charms could be little TARDISes, yes!

Rest of the Clothes:

As for clothes, everyone knows I'm obsessed with Ianto Jones, so obviously I'm going to include a suit of some sort in here.

Now, the difficult part is trying to find something that ma- oh wait, this doesn't have to match, it's a Doctor Outfit!

As a result, going by this logic, I can go wild- especially since the rest of my outfit is quite normal.

So, obviously I can just do something like:

It's an absolute eyesore. It's perfect. Yes.

Anyway, it can go with like, a white long sleeved shirt (sleeves rolled up to my elbows, of course) and some plain black/dark grey trousers.

Every three or four episodes, you'd spot me wearing a tie. My companion would- after the second time seeing me wearing a tie- ask me why I don't often wear one. I would then continue on to gaslight them and say that I always wear a tie. In the final episode of my season, I would then admit to the companion that I just forget how to tie a tie most of the time.

Accessories, Hair Etc Etc:

For my hair, I'd either go with Thirteenth Doctor but brunette, or just always tied back in two braids with rainbow ribbons. I think it would really tie the whole outfit together, you know?

As for accessories, you wouldn't catch me dead without THE pocket watch. Sorry, I just really love pocket watches- it doesn't even have to store my memory, I'd just wear it on the daily!

But just to really push for the whole "What the hell is wrong with you?" kind of look:

They'd probably be frequently seen on top of my head, because why the Hell not? If I'm travelling across the Universe, I should get to wear some fun spacey things!

Final Product:

Dear God. I'm supposed to be writing my Torchwood fic right now. But instead I'm drawing this absolute monstrosity.

Anyway, here is the theoretical Lowen Doctor Outfit™:

Ignore this literally being the worst drawing of my life, it's 23:35 and I needed to rush it.

As you can see, I tried to include as many elements as I could, INCLUDING the rainbow ribbons, pocket watch, and even the little TARDIS boot charms at the back.

In Conclusion:

I spent way too long on this and put in a lot more effort than I probably should have. It's a mess and I'm obsessed with it.

Thank you for this wonderful ask! I hope it's satisfactory!