#oh look someone has been watching pop psych videos and think they know how people work

[eroticcannibal]

Did you not? See the screenshot you posted? Use your fucking eyes. and no I am in fact referring to both senses of desensitisation, you continue to be wrong about ptsd and treatment. Perhaps shut up about things you do not understand.

Feel free to block me over you being a misinformed cunt (who also, judging by the vile shit you spewed about groinal responses, also hates rape victims and ppl with ocd. I do not respect you, you are a fucking joke ✌️)

SWERFs/TERFs are saying a lot of shit on my posts right now, but this has to be one of the wildest ones. "Porn and kink are the reason the police do not take women's reports of sexual violence seriously" is such an embarrassing thing to say holy shit. Yeah sure that's the main problem with THE COPS lmao if only they didn't watch so much porn!

Also there's a reason they can't comprehend many kinky people actually care deeply about actual domestic violence and abuse - Consent and bodily autonomy are irrelevant to these 'feminists'. They are the ones who cannot see a difference between consensual kink, someone willingly producing BDSM content, and someone being genuinely abused and harmed.

[sunsetcurvecuddles]

Alex + Julie "You didn't deserve that... You deserve so much better."

you sent me this prompt a million years ago i'm sorry it took me so long to answer it. warning for friendship breakup angst. there's no carrie redemption arc in this fic but there IS alexjulie friendship.

with love on their throats | g | 1.7k | alex&julie, past julie&carrie

ao3 link in reblogs!

--

Julie doesn’t mean to ignore the boys all afternoon, but Carrie’s birthday was hard last year and so far, this year doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.

She has the foresight to turn her phone off, at least, this year. She can’t handle the social media posts from everyone else at their school. They’re probably in Carrie’s pool, in her kitchen, in her living room. Probably throwing around the throw cushions that Julie’s mom taught her and Carrie to sew covers for when they were ten. Maybe even smashing the glasses Julie used to drink Trevor’s homemade iced tea out of when she would come to visit before Carrie got home from sport in the evenings. The idea of seeing these familiar spaces still just… out there, existing, rather than stuck in the past along with her and Carrie’s friendship, makes Julie nauseous.

Plus, there’s the added bonus of not being able to text Carrie something reckless she might regret.

So her phone’s switched off. Her dad knows not to bother her today anyway, since he had a front-row seat to whole Carrie mess when it happened. He just shot her a sympathetic glance over breakfast and hasn’t spoken to her at all. Carlos is at a friend’s house, and wouldn’t bother her even if he were home.

It’s just the ghosts Julie is avoiding, locked her bedroom door, perched on her window seat with her headphones on, watching YouTube on her laptop.

Which means it scares her half to death when Alex waves a hand in front of her face.

She yanks her headphones off and curses, sharp and a little louder than she means to, and Alex jumps back like he’s been burned. “Julie! Uh, hi, hey. Sorry to scare you.”

“Why didn’t you knock?!” she demands, still breathless. “It’s you, you know better! Boundaries!”

At least Alex has the decency to look shamefaced. “I know, listen, it’s just -- we were worried about you! And we did knock, a lot, actually, but I don’t think you could hear us? So I said we should give you space but Luke and Reg started psyching each other out, and Luke’s never been able to handle space the same way since the Caleb Covington Kidnapping Incident--”

Which, okay, yeah, that’s fair enough. Julie still shudders at the memory of the Caleb Covington Kidnapping Incident.

“-- so then I got nominated because, well, Reg worried you might be getting changed or something, and that makes me the obvious choice, not that I wanted to be the obvious choice, just that -- okay, I’m doing a bad job, what I mean is --”

Finally, she decides to put him out of his misery. “Alex, stop. It’s fine.”

Relieved, he lets out a breath and leans on his knees, looking up at her with pretty, apologetic eyes. “Still. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to frighten you, we just… got worried. And wanted to see if you were okay. You’ve been in here all day.”

Julie nods and looks back at her laptop, where the YouTube video is still playing, and pauses it.

She hasn't looked back over at Alex when he says, cautious, "Are you okay?"

When she replies, “Yeah,” it isn’t because she wants to lie to him, necessarily. It’s more because she doesn’t know how to untangle her feelings enough to lay them out in front of him. More because it’s hard to explain why she still misses someone who she knows hurt her, who she knows should have known better.

It’s hard to explain why she feels guilt, and grief, over something she chose to let go.

The window seat dips when he sits down next to her, fingers twisted together in his lap, shoulders rolled forward. He’s offering her the tiniest, encouraging smile in the form of a little quirk at the corner of his mouth. Julie loves him so much that it softens the heartache, just for a moment.

But then it returns. Just as strong. Just as unreasonable. Just as painful.

“It’s Carrie’s birthday,” she tells him, without even knowing why she says it.

“Oh,” he replies, which seems fair. She doesn’t know what she’d say in his position. He chews his lip, a crease forming in his brow. “You guys used to be friends, right?”

God, can she talk about this out loud? It’s easier to joke with Flynn, to make fun of the situation, because Flynn saw it all play out, held Julie when she cried, stopped being friends with Carrie in solidarity. Explaining the situation from start to finish, to someone new, just feels impossible.

So instead she says, “Do you ever miss someone you know you can’t have back? Or not that you can’t. But you know you shouldn’t. You know that you can’t get them back, or you’d have to give up too much for it and it wouldn’t be worth it.”

Because sure, if Julie was really committed, she’s sure she could grovel her way back into Carrie’s inner circle. But as much as she misses her, she’s not prepared to do it.

Alex nods, understanding. “Yeah,” he says plainly. “Yeah, I do. Tons of people.”

Julie’s surprised, but she supposes she shouldn’t be. The boys talk about Alex’s family the way Julie’s mom used to talk about ghosts -- never directly, otherwise they’d hear her and be summoned -- and after the whole thing with Trevor, well. It makes sense.

“Can I get it to stop?” Julie asks. “I had to turn off my phone before I did something stupid like text her. What would I even say? Why would I want to say anything?”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs. He leans over so their shoulders bump together, and she leans her head on him. “It’s okay to miss her, you know. You guys had good things in your friendship -- I mean, I guess, right? That’s why you miss it?”

Julie nods, closing her eyes. There are so many good memories she doesn’t even know where to start. Running in the park. Sitting at the piano together. Fashion shows for their dads and Julie’s mom in the living room of the Wilsons’ huge house. Sleepovers with Flynn full of bickering and giggling and pillow fights. Birthday parties, their whole lives.

“But that doesn’t mean you didn’t have a good reason for stepping away,” Alex says.

That’s true, too. Julie’s pretty sure they didn’t have that good stuff for a while before their friendship ended, in reality. Carrie was becoming… snappish. Self-absorbed. All she wanted to do was boss the other girls in dance class around, and she didn’t ask to hear Julie’s songs anymore. Julie knew that being a good friend meant weathering the good with the bad, but she gave Carrie what felt like a million chances, and she wasn’t getting anything back. When she’d tried to bring it up to Carrie, things had… exploded.

She explains as much to Alex, in fits and spurts, and finishes with, “She just… blew up at me, she told me she’d been sick of me for ages and asked why I hadn’t noticed. Like I was just supposed to realise that we weren’t friends anymore without her telling me.” Sucking in a shaky breath, she manages, “And then my mom…”

“Oh, Julie,” Alex murmurs softly into her hair. She’s trying not to cry, she really is, but it feels all bubbly at the surface of her chest, and the way he puts an arm around her and squeezes tight shows that he can tell.

“I know it’s silly,” she chokes, “but it feels like we broke up, or something, even though we were just friends. It hurts so much just thinking about her.”

“It’s not silly,” he assures her, and wraps his other arm around her, too, so he’s hugging her close to him with her head against his chest. “There’s nothing less important about friends, and a friendship ending can really suck. Especially how she did it.” He presses a kiss to her forehead, and doesn’t draw attention to the few tears making their way down her cheeks. They sit like that for a moment, then Alex says quietly, “You’re a wonderful friend. You didn’t deserve that. You deserve so much better.”

Sniffling, Julie rubs her sleeve across her eyes, wiping away the tears. The thought dawns on her like the sunrise after a long, sleepless night. “I have so much better,” she realises out loud. “I have Flynn. And Dad and Carlos. And you and Luke and Reggie.”

“We are pretty fantastic,” Alex agrees, faux-smug, but his eyes are still cautious, and affectionate. “But it’s okay to be upset anyway.”

“I know,” she says. And she does. “But I think I’m almost done being upset. For now, at least. Maybe we could run through a few songs?”

“I’m sure the boys would love that,” Alex tells her, smiling, and he goes to stand up but she holds on tighter, so he won’t leave the hug.

He just feels so steady, and comforting, and she’ll never really get over being able to actually hold them. “Can we just. Stay here for a moment, first?”

Easing himself back down, Alex grins and pulls her closer, tucking her head under his chin. “Of course,” Alex says. “We can take as long as you need. Just us, or the others, too?”

She pauses. “The others, too.”

Alex closes his eyes, and Julie knows he’s reaching out to the others, through their one leftover remnant of their time in the afterlife, tugging at their leads until they come to find him. A moment later, Reggie and Luke both pop into presence in the middle of her room, puppy-eyed with worry and hope.

“Julie?” asks Reggie quietly, fiddling with his fingers.

“You good?” Luke asks, on the balls of his feet.

“Yeah,” she tells them. “Just needed a hug.”

Within moments, they’re all around her and Alex, Reggie’s arm around her waist, Luke’s leg somehow, inexplicably, over her lap. Alex makes an insulted noise, but he’s so relaxed, Julie knows he must not mean it. When she presses her ear to his collarbone, Julie can hear his heartbeat, solid and alive, miraculous. Her friend’s heartbeat. Her friends, all around her.

Things are still bittersweet, and it’s still Carrie’s birthday, but Julie is still surrounded by love, enveloped in it, living in it. She can be sad for what’s gone, and be grateful for what she has, at the same time.

[musictrash0426]

Killing Stalking

 My name is Elizabeth Stevens, I’m 17 and it is one month until my senior year of highschool. Most of my friends are going crazy trying to plan out their futures. However, unlike my peers, I've known what I've wanted to be since I was 13. I want to be an artist, my parents fully support my decision which is nice. They have bought me plenty of professional quality supplies since my 14th birthday when they saw all the hard work I put into my art. I've even started selling prints of my work on Redbubble. I also have quite the following 

Overall I live in a pretty good neighbourhood. It has great people, including my best friend Kai who lives a few streets over. My family and I live in a pretty large house. It has three floors which is a little big if you ask me. There are only the three of us living here, me, mom and dad. But with that being said my parents gave me the entire basement on my 13th birthday. They also helped me set up every room down here the way I want. Not much has changed, even after being down here for four years..

When you come down the stairs you are greeted with my lounge area. Where  we have a couch, tv, game system, large bookshelf and some other things. Next we have my room where I have a fairly minimal look. I have a large bed, large dresser, a walk in closet, and my vanity where I do my makeup. The next room is probably my favourite; it's my art studio. Like I said my parents have supported me over the years so I have a lot of supplies. Honestly I couldn't be more grateful for them and everything they’ve given me. I have a full easel, desk, and a lot of supplies, markers, colour pencils, paint (water, acrylic, oils), alongside my new drawing tablet.

This morning when I got up, I went to my art room and started sketching. I've gotten into this habit as it helps me get into a creative mindset, along with getting into drawing for the day. Once I stop doodling I start to make a list of the things of supplies I had recently run out of. 

As I was about to leave, I asked my parents if they needed anything. My mom told me to get her a drink from Starbucks on my way home as she knows I’m planning on going there anyways. 

I get into my car and drive to the art store. Luckily this store is only 10 minutes from my house. I walk into the store and look for the supplies on my list. While going through the store, grabbing the things I needed, I decided I also wanted to try out a new paint while I was here. I got some winsor and newton acrylics in red, blue,yellow, sienna, black and white along with some mixing pallets. I also got a canvas as I want to make a large painting later. 

My mom texted me asking if I could pick up milk and eggs. So I ran into the supermarket and picked up the few things she wanted. I then went to starbucks, got both my parents, and myself a few drinks, and went home. 

I got out of my car balancing shopping bags on my arm,the drinks in my hand and I went inside. I put the milk and eggs in the fridge, gave my parents their drinks and made my way down to my art room to put my supplies away. I started brainstorming ideas of what I want to paint and I finally came up with a concept I liked. I open my sketchbook and I start to draw the rough copy of the picture before blowing it up on the canvas and painting it. While I am drawing out the picture I'm watching lavendertowne’s creepypastas series as it's one of my favourites on youtube. 

In my concentration, I lose track of time, and before I know it it’s 4:30 pm. My mom walks to my art room saying her and dad are going on a trip for the next week. So I get the house to myself, which is cool. I've been home alone before. “Elle, you can have Kai over to stay for the week if you want.” mom said. “Also I transferred some money into your account so you and Kai can just order some food if you guys get hungry.” 

“Thanks mom,” I say “ I love you.”

“Love you too sweetie.” 

I walk upstairs with mom as her and dad are about to leave. I hug them goodbye and tell them to have a safe trip. 

I decide to take mom up with her offer and invite Kai over for the week. Lately I haven't been wanting to be home alone. So I called him and he said he’d be over in 10 minutes. 

I grab a glass of water and wait, before I knew it there was a knock on my door and it was Kai. I give him a hug and he smiles. 

“It’s like we haven't seen each other in a while.” Kai teases me. We saw each other yesterday and I called him late last night because I just wanted to talk to someone. 

Kai has literally been my best friend since we were both in diapers. Our moms grew up together so it was bound to happen that we would too. He’s my biggest support system, he’s one of the only people who know how I got into art. I watched a lot of anime growing up, I still do, and the art style is what got me into wanting to be an artist. 

“Have you started a new piece yet?” Kai asked 

“Yeah I have! And I just finished the rough copy” I say.

“Can I watch you work on it?” 

“Of course you can silly,” I say with a grin. I show Kai the canvas to let him gauge what I’ve been working on. 

“It looks really good!” But his face saddens a little bit. “Are you doing alright?” I give him a confused look. “You tend to draw horror pieces when you're trying to get yourself into a better place.” 

Horror pieces are my favourite to draw. I don't have an explanation for it, but I've always liked them. Maybe it's because I loved horror shows growing up but who knows. I look back at all my works and Kai’s right. I tend to do these pictures more when I'm not the best headspace. 

“You really know me, at this point it's mostly subconscious” I laugh “I was also watching creepypasta videos so the idea could have come from that. Anyways, what do you think about it so far?” 

“I love it of course!” Kai says

I work on transferring it onto the canvas and after about 2 hours the pencil sketch is laid out. Once that's done we decide to go to the movies. We went and saw whatever Kai wanted to see. He picked some rom com which I wasn't mad at as I enjoy these types of movies. 

After the movie we went to a sushi place for dinner. I wasn't that hungry so I got the rest of mine to go. Then we went to the supermarket to get some candy and pop for tonight. We decided that we were going to stay up quite a bit of the night so I can work on my artwork and we can just talk about life and stuff. We pull into the parking lot and head inside. This store is open 24/7 so we have plenty of time to get our stuff, but still it is 11:30pm and something makes the air feel very eerie tonight. 

After walking around the store Kai and I look at eachother and we both feel like something is off because this uneasy feeling Kai and I hurry up and grab what we wanted. Kai and I decided to pick up Sour Patch Kids, gummy bears and some chips. We then went into the drink aisle where I picked out Dr. Pepper, and ginger ale. Kai picked out diet Pepsi and cream soda. We picked out the four flavours that we both love. We then decided to get a tub of cotton candy ice cream. As we were turning there was this lady who crashed her cart into ours as we were on our way to check out. I looked up and noticed that it was the same lady that had been in each aisle with us, which honestly didn’t make any sense as we just went to the isles we needed. 

We check out of the store and head back to the car. After putting everything in the trunk of the car, I look up and see the same woman still there. What the fuck?

“Hey Kai, can you take the cart back please?” He nods and I get into the car and lock it. 

I hear a knock that startles me and I look up. It was just Kai. I unlocked the door and he got in. “Wanna tell me why you had the door locked Elle?”

I look over and the woman gets into the car next to us oh great my horror brain made something out of nothing. She was also probably having a movie night with some of her friends.

“It’s nothing Kai, I think I’m just psyching myself out.”

“Okay.” With that we drove back to my place right in the nic of time too as it just started to rain. We shut off all the lights and lock the doors and windows upstairs. We head back down to my studio and I set up everything to begin painting.

I wanted something in the background while I was working so I put on Another. Kai and I have already watched it a few times but we didn’t want to start something new since I wouldn't be able to give it my full attention. Also it's a horror anime so it will put me in the mood for my painting.

I looked down at the outline I drew; it was a girl who had gone psychotic and had a knife in her hand. My plan is to add blood to her once the painting is completely dry, but first I start by painting the eyes. When they are finished they look very dead and already mentally gone inside. I take a break and lay my head on Kai’s shoulder.

“Tired?” he asks me.

“No, I just wanted a break.” We continue watching the anime after two more episodes. There was a bang of thunder and a flash of lightning, I looked out the small window and saw what looked to be a figure of a woman. I looked back to get a better look but she's gone. I must just be seeing things.

I brush it off then get back to my painting. About an hour later I finish painting the skin and I see another flash out of the corner of my eye. I think to myself how odd that is  because there was no thunder. I brushed it off as the volume of the show probably just covered the sound. I decided to be done with painting for the night, so we moved out into the lounge area and continued watching Another. There was another flash and in the window we saw her. The woman from the supermarket was in my window.We were going to call the cops then with another flash she's gone.

We decided we couldn't take anymore horror tonight so we put on Ouran Highschool Host Club a few hours later we were on the episode where a character named Tamaki was trying to figure out his friend Haruhi’s biggest fear. When we see a flash of lightning in the episode, it also flashes here, and we see her silhouette again and she vanishes with the lightning once more. 

Creeped out we went to my room and lay in bed, I cuddled into Kai because honestly I was shaking and needed comfort.

In the morning Kai and I woke up to banging on the door. I checked the time and it was 8:30 am. We got up and checked no one was there, but there was an envelope that said Elizabeth Steevens and Kai Kalua I brought it inside.

“Ummmm Kai?”

“Yeah?”

I turn the envelope to show him. We were both scared and didn't know what to do. We opened it and there were at least 40 photos of us, starting from when we were coming out of the movie. There were photos of us at the sushi restaurant, the grocery store, and the worst ones of all the ones that were taken looking into my house. Ones of us in my art room, in the lounge, and ones of us asleep in my bed.

Panicked, I call the police and they tell us to come down to the station. Since neither of us knew the woman's name they said there was nothing they could really do for us except to have us tell them if something else happens. Some help they were, I thought.

Kai and I went back to my studio and I continued working on the piece. This time our show of choice was Miria Nikki. As I was painting the hair I saw another flash and considering what happened last night we decided to go to my parents office and check the security cameras and lo and behold she's there on the property.

“Kai whats that in her hand?”

“I don’t know,”

I looked closer and saw that it was a knife. We once again called the police and this time they came, but hearing a car must have scared her. They came inside and asked to watch the cameras with us. Only this time she was at the back door that's connected to the kitchen and of course I happened to leave it unlocked…

“Oh Elizabeth, Kai, come out come out wherever you are..” The woman sang out menacingly. Her voice rang through the house loudly causing me to look to one of the officers for advice

He nods for Kai and I walk out.

“There you two are,”

“Do we know you?” I ask, genuinely confused as to who this woman is.

“Yeah I don't know who you are either.” Kai said just as confused.

“I'm Chloe. I am in your art class.” She says.

We were both confused; we don’t remember having ever seen her before. Our art class had six people in it, us two, three other of our friends and some weird girl who doesn't talk to anybody.

“... you’re the weird girl in our class aren’t you?” Kai questions.

“What did you call me?” She asked with a defensive tone.

“What did you expect him to say, you literally refuse to talk to us. Then whenever the teacher praises my work, you get angry. Besides who goes around taking pictures of people in their own house! That is fucking creepy.” I say

“I get angry because you always get the spotlight! Give someone else a turn.”

“Elle gets the attention because she actually shows her artwork, you just sit in the back of the class and do nothing. If you want attention why ignore us when we try talking to you? What is your problem? And why do you have a knife?” You can tell Kai is starting to lose patience with the situation, as his questions get increasingly aggressive.

“So I can get rid of my competition,” she smiles sweetly.

“What competition? There is no competition Chloe” I ask 

“What competition? I have liked Kai forever!” Chloe says frustrated, slightly getting closer to the two of them with the knife.

Kai puts one hand out towards her, while using the other to pull me back with him a couple steps, creating distance between her and I before he speaks again.“I will never like you. Besides there is only one person I like, and hate to break it to sweetheart but it's not you.” This makes me curious who Kai was referring to.

“Then who is it then?” she asks angrily

That's when Kai kissed me. I kissed him back, albeit slightly flustered. This caused Chloe to become enraged, she came towards us with the knife and that's when the cops came out and told her to put the knife down. She complied and dropped the knife as she didn’t realize that the police were here. 

One of the two cops took her away as the other came and told us they were going to hold her and do a mental assessment on her. He also checked to see if Kai and I were okay. After we tell him we are he also leaves, leaving Kai and I alone to deal with this new revelation.

“Do you actually like me? Or were you just saying that to get her to stop…” anxious about the answer since I have liked Kai for a while, but didn't want to make things awkward with him.

“Elle I have liked you for a while but I didn't want to lose you.” Kai says as he pulls me closer to him.

I don't know how to respond, all my mind was telling me was ‘kiss him’. I pull him in by his shoulders to another kiss, quickly dispelling doubts either of us had. Kai placed his hands on my waist and melted into it. He pulls away and leans his forehead against mine, just holding me. For the first time in a few days I felt safe.

“Kai?” I ask in a quiet tone almost a whisper.

“Yeah sweetheart?” 

“Can you stay while my parents are gone?” I don’t feel safe enough to be home alone, and you wanted to stay in the comfort that he gave you.

“Of course I can angel.”

[shuahoonie]

everyday. [tom holland]

PAIRING:  college!tom holland x female!reader

SUMMARY: somebody call disney because you and tom met in the cheesiest way possible. karaoke was involved. so was high school musical. you could say it’s pretty meta. 

WARNINGS: swearing, i think? some alcohol. hella fluff yall. like sickly fluff. 

WORD COUNT: 2639

SONG INSPO: everyday (from disney’s high school musical 2) - troy & gabriella

A/N: hiya babes! get ready for a long ass note! first off, with everything that’s happening around the world, i hope that you guys are safe and you’re taking good care of your health!! i’m sorry if i’ve been away for quite a while, i’m really trying to be better at this. 

anyway, wrote this lil’ imagine for you guys since i can’t get this concept out of my head. i based it off on the tiktok that i saw and i just couldn’t help but write about it. i hope this piece provides a short distraction, something that we need from time to time. thanks and enjoy!

stay informed. stay safe. wash your hands, people! 

(also, the next chapter for the “you” series is still under works and i’m not entirely sure when that’ll be up. hopefully by the end of this week!!) 

gif credits: @loooo-lou  

vanessa’s masterlist  

“It’ll be fun, Y/N,” Your friend Kimmy said with a huge smile, dragging you to the student lounge located on the west side of the campus. 

"You’re just saying that because you’re part of the organizing committee,” You mumbled as you tried to hold on to your binder full of this week’s readings.

You were basically camping in the library the whole day as you tried to conquer the list of things that you had to do for the whole week. You were already knee-deep with your readings just for that research paper from one of your psych classes alone so what more from the other classes right?

It was already a rough couple of days for you and you definitely needed this as a break-whatever this is. Kimmy was basically doing you a favour.

“Okay, but you like High School Musical that’s why you had to go.” She pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I enjoy it,” You stressed, “To say that I like it would be an exaggeration.”

“Bitch, please” Kimmy snorted as you two found an empty booth at the lounge. “You can practically quote the whole trilogy and you can sing the songs like ABC’s.”

You just glared at her and made yourself comfortable, “This better be worth it, Kim. I am losing sleep because of my research paper and I can’t spend my spare time doing other things.”

“Honey,” Kimmy gasped as she put both her hands on top of your shoulders “Are you even hearing yourself? You know you can take a break, right?! No, actually you have to take a break.”

You sighed and just succumbed in defeat as your friend clasped her hands in excitement. “This is going to be great, Y/N.” She said in glee. “The org’s providing dinner tonight so you don’t have to worry about that. Also, we have karaoke set up and you can win at least a £50 gift card if you scored like a 90 and above.” 

“Wow, free dinner and a gift card?!"

“The org’s also serving alcohol if you really want to take an edge off,” Kimmy winked giving you a light nudge. 

“Now, there’s alcohol? Why didn’t you lead with that, you bitch!” You gasped, jokingly. 

Kimmy rolled her eyes, “Okay, I’ll get back to you later. I have to check with the others if the food’s ready.”

“Mkay,” You murmured as you pulled out your readings and took out your stack of sticky notes. “I mean, I think I can squeeze a bit of reading.” 

You tried to do a bit of your reading but with how they set up the lighting at the lounge, it was nearly impossible. They dimmed the lights and set up a few red lights in the corners of the lounge, the red popping out and setting the tone for the whole event. Fairy lights were put out as well, giving enough light to see the decorations that they did. 

It was High School Musical themed so you did expect a whole lot of red and white colours popping every now and then. Boy, you were definitely feeling the wildcat spirit. 

Knowing well enough that you weren’t going to accomplish any of your research work, you made the decision to scroll on your phone. After spending a good few minutes scrolling on Instagram, you’ve decided to take a quick video to post on your Instagram story. 

You posted the story with the caption saying: “high school musical karaoke night! @/kimmydelacruz thnx also u have to sing with me, i can’t possibly do it myself.” 

Kimmy was in the kitchen when a pair of arms snuck its way and were wrapped around her waist, “Hi babe, you okay?” 

“’m okay, love. Don’t worry,” Kimmy replied as she viewed her friend’s story, rolling her eyes in amusement. “Hey, Haz, did you manage to bring in more people?” 

“Uh, not a lot. Tom and a couple of mates from my kinesiology class are here though,” Harrison settled his chin on the crook of Kimmy’s neck. “What’cha watching, babe?” 

“Oh, it’s just Y/N’s story. She posted about our HSM-themed karaoke night and she wants me to sing with her, hoping that she can claim that gift card.” Kimmy replied as she continuously tapped on her phone, skipping a lot of stories from other people. 

Harrison hummed, “Babe, you know we can’t participate right?” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“You know, Tom really wants that gift card too, he wouldn’t stop saying how he would risk his reputation for that 50,” Harrison pointed out. “Tom’s gone mental, I’m telling ‘ya.”

Kimmy locked her phone and shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans. She turned to Harrison with a smirk playing on her face. “Haz, my love, has Tom ever met Y/N before?” 

Harrison took a good look at his girlfriend, he knows that devious smile anywhere. “Babe, what are you planning?” 

“You are the music in me,” A couple was on stage, trying their shot on the karaoke. The karaoke was now jumbling to flash the scores, the couple were both waiting in anticipation. 

“A bloody 81?” The girl yelled, appalled. She was trying to pull a serious face but a laugh was threatening to come out. “I have harnessed my vocal cords for this and all I got was a bloody 81?” 

The crowd couldn’t help but laugh at her comment. Their singing wasn’t bad, “maybe it was just the machine” as they said. 

“Why don’t you give it a go, mate?” Harrison nudged Tom, who was taking a sip of his beer. Harrison dropped by to check up on his mates when he found Tom, who was sitting at one of the booths along with a couple of mates from class. 

“Haz, mate, are you sure you want me to go up there?” Tom asked, laughing. “Might I remind you that you were the same person who practically begged me to not embarrass you in front of people.” 

“Yeah, ’m starting to regret even saying a mere word,” Harrison muttered to himself. “But I know you're not one to turn down karaoke, let alone have the opportunity to get £50 along innit,” Harrison said, placing a hand on Tom’s shoulder. 

“Alright, c’ mere, mate.” Harrison stood up and walked towards the karaoke machine. He punched a couple of numbers to a song and gave Tom the mic. 

“Mate, you are making a big mistake.” Tom chuckled, happily grabbing the mic. As soon as Tom saw the song that was playing on the screen, he quickly pressed the ‘pause’ button and grabbed Harrison’s arm before he left the stage “Mate, hold on, this is a duet.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Oh, so you know, do ‘ya?” Tom mocked. “Well, come on, mate. I am not going to sing this alone, ‘cause ‘ya know, a duet means two people.” Tom laughed, doing an impression of Sharpay’s infamous line. Tom loves binging the High School Musical movies and he isn’t afraid to say that. 

“Absolutely not, mate,”  Harrison stressed, making Tom raise his brow. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, Tom, but there’s no way I’m singing tonight. Why did you think I volunteered to be part of the organizing committee?”

“Uh, because you couldn’t say no to Kim?” Tom countered. 

“That and I’m not allowed to participate. Mate, if you want to win the gift card, you would have to find someone else to sing up here with you,” Haz explained. 

Tom let out a sigh, “I guess you’re right.” 

“I’m always right,” Harrison pointed out jokingly. 

“Alright, but who am I-” Before Tom even got the chance to finish his sentence, Harrison quickly left the stage. He looked over at the table where his friends were and asked,  “Connor, mate, do you want to sing up here with me?” 

Connor shook his head insanely fast. “Absolutely not, Tom. Have you forgotten that I am tone-deaf? I do not want to embarrass myself in front of people.” 

Tom turned towards Brandon and he shook his head as well. “Mate, I only came here for the food and drinks, remember?” 

“Great,” Tom muttered. He looked around the crowd, trying to figure out if he even wants to even push through this at all. 

“You still doing okay, Y/N?” Harrison asked as soon as he approached you. You just saw Harrison walk off stage after he finished talking to some guy who was about to sing. 

You gave him a nod as soon as you took a sip of the hard lemonade that they were serving at the bar. “Shouldn’t be drinking, but I really wanted one so...” You trailed off as you raised your cup at him. You wanted a drink but not something that would give you a headache after.  

“Eh,” Harrison shrugged. “You deserve to relax from time to time. Heard from Kimmy that you’ve been stressing a lot on that research paper of yours.” 

“Thanks,” you muttered. Harrison quickly excused himself, saying that Kimmy was looking for him, which you just dismissed him anyway. 

You were scrolling on your phone when you heard someone clear their throat. “Sorry, but have you seen Harrison?” 

You looked up and made contact with a gorgeous pair of brown eyes. He was the same guy who was on the stage not too long ago. You recognized him from the photos that Harrison posts on his Instagram.

One drunken night, you were sitting next to Kimmy as she mindlessly scrolled through her boyfriend’s photos on Instagram. You both came across the photo of Harrison and his friends, sitting at a luxe sofa, assuming that they were at an event. Harrison was sitting next to his friend who was wearing a white button-up shirt, his legs sprawled. This was the same night you admitted to your best friend, that you found Harrison’s friend cute.  

Well, he looks cuter up close.

“Uh, yeah, he just left and said that he has to meet Kimmy. Think they’ll be back quick though, I practically begged Kimmy to sing with me on stage.” You explained.

He nodded understandingly. “You here for the 50 quid?” He asked, a small smile playing on his lips. 

You gave him a sheepish smile, “Yeah, I’m in university and am broke. I’d do anything for that 50.” 

“Oh, I hear ‘ya,” He laughed “However, I do remember Haz telling me that the organizers aren’t allowed to participate though.” 

“You’re kidding,” You said in disbelief. This was news to you as you were really looking forward to singing up there and getting that prize money. Well, you were looking forward to singing with someone to get that prize money.

“I’m afraid not, darling.” He chuckled. “Trust me, I asked Harrison to sing with me as well.”  

“Well, that’s a shame,” You muttered. Well, tonight could be worse. At least you had a free meal. 

“Hold on, what would you say if we both get up there and sing?” He asked with a bright look on his face. 

“Are you joking?” You asked, taken back with the idea that a stranger (sort of) is asking to sing with you. 

“Absolutely not,” He insisted “It’s not like we have anything to lose-”

“Besides my dignity” You claimed. 

“C’mon,” He laughed “If anything, we can only gain from this moment.” 

“Which is?” 

“That prize money,” He listed off using his fingers. “A night to remember,” He continued. 

You nodded after every point until he said, “Maybe romance?” He suggested cheekily. 

“Shut up,” You murmured shyly, feeling your cheeks burn. You took a minute before you grabbed your cup of hard lemonade and finished the rest of your drink. “Alright, loverboy, c’mon.” 

You stood up and followed the stranger to the karaoke machine. You couldn’t believe it, you’re actually singing with someone you don’t know. 

He handed you a spare mic before he pressed the ‘play’ button and not long after, you heard the intro to the song that brought you nostalgia. 

“Once in a lifetime, means there’s no second chance

So I believe that you and me, should grab it while we can,” He was looking at the screen to guide himself with the lyrics and started singing,  surprising you that he had a wonderful voice. 

He was becoming more and more attractive to you and you didn’t even know his name. 

“Make it last forever and never give it back,” You sang into the mic, reading off the screen as well. You know this song by heart so god knows why you’re all of a sudden reading off the screen.

This was a whole new experience for you. You usually do karaoke in a private room with a couple of very close friends, and this is the complete opposite: you were singing in public with a stranger. 

“Because this moment’s really all we have,” Your voices melded together smoothly, which shocked you if you were being honest. It’s as if you were both meant to sing together. 

“Every day of our lives,” He was now facing you, stepping a bit closer to you.

“Wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight,” You faced him and did the same thing as well, taking a step closer to him. 

“Gonna run,” 

“While we’re young and keep the faith,” 

“Every day,” He took another step closer. “From right now, Gonna use our voices and scream out loud.” 

“Take my hand,” You sang, holding out your hand. At this point, you were convinced that the spirit of Gabriella Montez has taken over your body. Y/N Y/L/N would never be this bold. 

He gladly took your hand, a smile was permanently painted on his face, “Together we will celebrate.” 

“Oh, every day.” 

The instrumental kicked in and you two were really feeling the music when he leaned over into your ear and said, “Never would’ve pegged you to know this song, darling.” 

You laughed softly and said, “I should be the one saying that.”

You two carried on singing, having an absolute blast. Never in a million years would you have imagined for this moment to happen, it felt too good to be true. 

“Every day,” You both sang the last line with your faces in close proximity. How did this happen? Maybe it was the alcohol? Maybe you two were just so into it that it felt right? No one knows. 

As you two were waiting for the karaoke machine to show your score, the guy leaned in and said, “Darling, I don’t think I even got your name.” 

“Y/N,” You said with a smile and offered your hand. 

“Y/N” He repeated with a warm smile, shaking your hand. “What a lovely name, darling, I’m Tom.” 

“It was a pleasure to sing with you, Tom.” You said, laughing softly.

Tom brought your hand up to his lips, “Oh, trust me, darling, the pleasure is all mine.” He disclosed placing a gentle kiss on the top of your hand, leaving your cheeks burning. 

Maybe you and Tom were so into the moment that you didn’t even realize that Harrison and Kimmy joined you on stage. “Alright, give it up for tonight’s real-life Troy and Gabriella!” Kimmy yelled to the crowd, in which they happily obliged and gave you and Tom a thunderous cheer.

“Okay, lovebirds, in case you didn’t notice-which I know you didn’t,” Harrison pointed out “You two scored a 91, so here are your gift cards.”  He handed you both a gift card each. 

“Use it well.” Kimmy teased, in which you rolled your eyes and nudged your best friend. 

“Well, I guess this is our start of something new, huh?” Tom whispered in your ear, a teasing smile playing on his face.

TAGLIST: (if u guys are interested hehe)

@thomasthetankson @autty0314 @marvelous-tswiftfan @averyfosterthoughts @theolwebshooter @jackiehollanderr @sltwins @herondalescecilys @notjustpenandpaper @ihopethatwemeetinanotherlife @gothicwidowsworld @heartofholland @stxfxniexreads​ @peruvian-bae​ @hollands-osterfield​ @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @galacticstxrdust​ @sweartomendes​ @itsjstz​ @muade-mua-de​ @hayoosh2

[batskulldrag]

Phoenix by Fallout Boy

Chapter Ten: Ready Aim Fire by Imagine Dragons

once more I will state that I have no OC’. s everyone is either a youtuber or a character from 2017′s dream daddy. I will ask that you check out Jenna Marbles’ video ‘making corn on the cob but instead of the corn bone it’s a hotdog’ it’s not nessarry, but it is funny.

Patton squeezed Logan’s hand as he looked around the room. It was nice, it looked like every kid’s dream room. But the idea of being evaluated was crushing the air out of his lungs. Granted, E. S. had suggested a psych evaluation for them to boost their chances in court, and he did want some parenting advice. So, there they were in Picani’s office, waiting.

He stole a glance at Logan. His husband’s once stoic expression now a thin veil to mask resentment. Patton could almost see every memory of every doctor he was dragged to so his parents could cure him. Logan squeezed the arm rest until his knuckles were white and the bones threatened to pop out.

“It’s ok.” Patton rubbed his shoulder gently. “This time is going to be different. No one wants to cure you. We’re just gonna talk to him. There’s nothing wrong with you. Remember that.”

Logan silently slid his arm around Patton and held him close. Patton rested his head on Logan’s shoulder and listened to his heartbeat. It was slowing down and his own heart started mimicking the calmer rhythm.

The door opened and a cheerful man with curly blond hair and a tan cardigan danced in vocalizing the Loony Toon’s theme song. Ok, so Picani was definitely not a stuffed shirt. This would be nice.

“So, you’re Patton and Logan.” Emile smiled. “We met a few times before.”

“Virgil’s doing a lot better.” Patton chirped. “They’re taking the bandages off soon.”

“That’s good. Has he adjusted any since last week?”

“A little. He’s not as skittish.” Patton smiled. “I’ve been taking him to work with me since I had to go back to the library.”

“That should be a good way to keep his mind off things.” Emile pondered. “Maybe they’ll let him volunteer there. It’s good to keep busy.”

“Today, he read to the kids.” Logan added. “I think some interaction with people closer to his peer group is doing him good.”

“That is awesome news.” Emile smiled and put his hands together. “But now I think it’s time to talk about you two. ‘Sup?’”

“Our lawyer said that it would help us if we had psychological evaluations.” Logan responded. “We all suspect that Payton might try to use certain things against us.”

“Such as…” Emile led.

“For starters I have Asperger’s syndrome. One might argue that it would make me unfit to raise a child.”

“The usual ‘they can’t feel empathy’ song and dance?”

“No, there hasn’t been any singing.”

“It’s a metaphor sweetie.” Patton rubbed his hand.

“Oh.” Logan looked away. “Right.”

“So, where on the spectrum are you?” Emile asked. “You seem really high functioning.”

“I am high functioning. Mainly, I can’t read emotions, I don’t understand metaphors or sarcasm, flashing lights give me migraines, I have a noise sensitivity and I get intensely nervous around people. And I don’t like most sweet foods. They hurt my mouth.”

“How about routines?” Emile continued.

“I have routines, but I don’t impose them on other people. I like to stick to a schedule; to do things in a certain order. But I don’t have an episode if the schedule is disrupted.”

“What normally triggers one?”

“Usually things build up. My most recent episode was a two weeks ago when Roman and I were trying to build a futon without instructions.”

“Why without instructions?”

“They were lost long ago. It was maddening.”

“That.” Emile pointed at them. “Would drive anyone crazy. So, I don’t really see any reason why you can’t adopt Virgil with Patton. Asperger’s isn’t exactly the life ruining hinderance that everyone thinks it is.”

Patton nuzzled up to Logan.

“See. It’s fine.”

Emile smiled at them.

“It’s nice to see a happy couple in here.” He sighed. “I do a lot of couple’s therapy.”

“Logan and I are happy.” Patton confirmed. “We’re almost to out ten-year anniversary.”

“That’s quite the milestone. How’d you two meet?” he leaned forward.

“I had to go to him for tutoring, and we just clicked. Logan proposed while we were in college and we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

“We were more or less inseparable before that.” Logan interjected. “I just decided to make it official.”

“You’re a Garnet.” Emile clasped his hands to his heart.

“Like from Steven Universe?” Patton asked excitedly.

“Exactly, you two have found your balance and have a solid relationship.”

“That is fair.” Logan looked up. “Most of our arguments did consist of the fact that I can be stoic, and Patton can be over passionate. Exactly like Ruby and Sapphire.”

“That is awesome.” Emile smiled. “And having a stable marriage is usually important if you want to adopt.”

Patton squeezed Logan’s hand and beamed up at him from his shoulder. Logan returned a smile.

“So, what other things are on your minds?” Emile pointed his folded hands at them. “We’re in the judgement free zone here.”

“Well,” Patton rubbed his arm and looked at Logan. “I was on antidepressants for a while after my mom died. And I kind of still am on the medication. I was really out of it.”

“How old were you when she passed away?”

“I had to be about nineteen or twenty.”

“What happened to her?” He asked gently.

“She had ALS.” Patton looked at the floor to hide his tears, why was he still crying after all these years? “She lasted eight months.”

Eight months? That was it? He could have sworn that it was longer.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” He handed them a box of tissues.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know I still did this.” Patton dabbed his eyes. “It’s been twelve years.”

“If they put you on antidepressants that means that it must have hit you pretty hard. Watching family die, especially from something that awful can really take its toll. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel, or how long you feel it. And moms are important, losing one is a blow no matter how old they are.”

“It hit me really hard.” Patton pressed himself into Logan, who started petting his hair. “I was sleepwalking, one night I woke up in the parking lot of the hospital because I thought I was taking mom to the doctor. I used to do the dishes in my sleep.”

“Was it just you, taking care of her?” Emile squinted. “What about your brother?”

“Payton was in college too. He didn’t want anything to do with it.” Logan answered, still petting Patton.

“I told you I get why he didn’t want to be there.”

“Don’t make excuses for him, you know that’s not why he avoided the house.”

“Hey, don’t unfuse over this.” Emile offered hesitantly.

“Logan and Roman helped a lot during all that. With Mom and Virgil.”

“Virgil was with you?”

“He was just a baby. Mom was diagnosed a few months before his first birthday.”

“And Payton left him with you? Just like that? Just like Pink leaving Spinel in the garden?”

“If Payton was a good father, we wouldn’t be here.” Patton pulled out another tissue. “I don’t wanna talk about my brother.”

“Alright, we’ll just zap those thoughts with the memory eraser.” Emile pretended to zap himself with a ray gun. “Go on with your story.”

“Well, I still walked in my sleep even after mom died. And I lost my appetite and I lost interest in my job and all my classes. It was like I was dead. I went numb.”

“Do you know why?”

“I…” Patton clenched his fists against his knees. “I was relieved when she died, and I couldn’t handle feeling like that. Am I a terrible person?”

“That’s a normal reaction.” Emile said plainly. He said it as if it were a fact that he just knew. Like there was no doubt about its validity.

“What?” Patton looked up at him reeling from the whiplash that comment gave him.

“Your mother, someone you loved died in front of you. And you already said that it took a long time. Anyone would be relieved for that to be over. Like when they bubbled the cluster, they were relieved that the shards weren’t suffering anymore. And that’s normal. That, and the stress it was putting on you was over, and I know you think that sounds awful but it’s natural to be relieved. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“No?”

“No.”

Patton nestled closer to Logan. Logan hid it well, but Patton knew that he had just been vindicated and was thrilled. Patton accepted defeat contentedly and with guilt free relief.

“Logan was there the whole time.” Patton sighed. “All through it. He even got me to go to therapy.”

“Was Logan living with you at the time?” Emile asked. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Ruby and Sapphire were fused for a few thousand years before they got married. I was just wondering if he moved in to help with your mom.”

“My parents threw me out of the house after they found out I was gay.” Logan said blankly, but he was squeezing the couch arm again. His bones turned back up to say hello. “After they.” He sighed. “After they beat me severely.”

“Oh.” Emile said sadly. “I’m so sorry. Were they always like that?”

“The statistics of autistic children who are abused by their parents would break you.” Logan looked up at the ceiling.

“Yes then?”

“Yes.”

“Did you ever get help after you left your parents?”

“Yes, I’ve worked through my issues with them. And I don’t plan on letting them back into my life any time soon.”

“That’s fair.” Emile nodded. “They sound like a toxic influence.”

“I will consider forgiving them if they apologize.” Logan still looked at the ceiling. “And on no other conditions do I hold them any loyalty.”

“Well, last thing you need is your own abusive parents showing up when you’re trying to adopt.” Emile agreed. “And you shouldn’t forgive people who are going to continue to be a bad influence on your life.”

“I thought there was going to be more, I don’t know,” Logan looked back down. “More appeals for us to change our ways. Some form of judgement or a quote unquote cure.”

“Nah, you guys are good.” Emile smiled. “You can keep up therapy if you just wanna talk, but I don’t really have anything new to tell you.”

“This is it?” Logan gestured vaguely at the room.

“You’ve been on that couch before, haven’t you?”

“My parents wanted a cure. I’ve seen psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, holistic physicians, herb peddlers, and a neurosurgeon.”

“Wow,” Emile nodded. “That is one expensive wild goose chase. How do you feel about your Asperger’s now?”

“It’s a part of who I am. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t a horrible disease. And my parents dragging me to a new doctor every week didn’t help. They didn’t help.”

Patton put his arms around him and just hung there silently.

“Is any of this going to keep us from getting custody of Virgil?” Logan sighed.

“Well, your parents being abusive could bring up a ‘cycle of abuse’ argument, but I don’t think it’ll go anywhere. Aside from that, Asperger’s and situational depression shouldn’t stop you. Neither of you are violent or incapable of taking care of yourselves or a child. And you’ve already done a great job with Virgil so far. You’re made of love, and it’s stronger than him.”

“I wanna introduce you to our roommate sometime.” Patton said happily. “I think you’d be friends.”  

#             #             #

               The day of the barbeque rolled around and Patton, Logan and Roman were eagerly getting ready.

               “Let’s see him one-up this.” Roman said sternly, holding up a watermelon sculpture.

               The rind had been picked clean and gently sculpted into a frog with melon balls filling up his body and coming out of his mouth. Impressive was an understatement.

               “Right.” Logan sighed. “Remember what I said about competing with Brian. Leave Virgil out of it. He’s had enough pressure in his life as it is.”

               “I would never do anything to hurt our emo nightmare.” Roman was dead serious. “From now on Brian has to step to me. And anyone who wants our emo has to step to me as well.”

               “And me.” Patton clenched his fist.

               “We’re doing Lord of The Rings now?” Logan was not amused. “And me.”

               With that said a loud thud came from upstairs. All three of them had the same thought and ran upstairs. Reaching the door first, Logan knocked. But Patton had different ideas and burst into the room like a firefighter. Virgil was pulling himself off the floor with his jeans tangled up around his ankles and his cast shoved through one of the holes in the knee. The shock of Patton and Co’s sudden arrival knocked him back down.

               “Can I help you?” Virgil asked flatly, pulling his t-shirt down over his boxers.

               “Sorry,” Patton backed out of the room quickly. “We heard you fall and wanted to make sure you were ok.”

               “I’m ok. My stupid cast got stuck is all.”

               “Do you need help?”

               “Nope, I’m good.”

               “Ok, we’re ready as soon as you are.”

               “Cool, just let me get my pants on.”

               “Ok.” Patton closed the door and turned to the other two. “Am I a helicopter parent?”

               “No, I don’t think so.” Logan squinted as he thought. “Just be sure of boundaries. Don’t make a habit of bursting into his room. That is his space, and we want him to know we won’t violate it.”

               “And I want you to know that it isn’t soundproof.” Virgil opened the door and walked out, smiling at his own joke.

                                                                               #             #             #  

               Patton had his arm around Virgil the entire walk over. Admittedly, Virgil was happy both for the attention and the extra help walking. He wasn’t quite used to this walking cast, and he was still upset that he couldn’t keep the painted one. Sure, it smelled like an old band aid that crawled out of a sewer full of dead possums, but it was still cool on the outside. Maybe they could paint this one.

               Patton led him over to the food table and gingerly set down a tray of peanut blossoms. He pulled two off the plate with a flourish, handed one to Virgil and kept the other.

               “Clinkies.” He beamed, holding his cookie to Virgil’s.

               “Clinkies.” Virgil agreed, tapping the cookies together and shoving his entire cookie in his mouth.

               Roman set his melon frog down on the table and whispered to it.

               “Ok melon frog, this is what you trained for. This is your time. You don’t be scared. I trained you better than that. I love you, melon frog.”

               “You two need a moment alone?” Virgil smiled.

               “No.” Roman turned quickly, holding his forearm to his forehead. “it’s better this way. Long goodbyes would only make me weep.”

               “Dude, extra is a word they made up just so they could describe you.”

               “It is.” Roman ruffled his hair. Were they all just going to do that from now on?

               “Jenna!” Patton yipped, holding out his arms.

               A short woman with blond hair that showed dark brown at the roots ran over and hugged him. Two Italian grey hounds were at her heels keeping up surprisingly well. Virgil lost all interest in people and sat down to play with the dogs. They immediately started licking him and climbing him for food.

               “Where were you, beech?” Jenna asked. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

               “Family stuff.” Patton smiled and tiled his head towards Virgil. He turned his attention. “Virgil, this is our friend Jenna.”

               “Hi, I love your dogs.” Virgil chirped, strangely comforted by the mini dogs who were stomping the hell out of his every lower extremity.

               In response the grey dog started whining as if he were being tortured.

               “I didn’t do anything!” Virgil panicked.

               “Kermit, shut up.” Jenna scolded her dog, “He just does that.” She dismissed.

               Patton looked around with a look of concerned horror.

               “No Marble?” He said fearfully.

               “What? Beech am I mourning?” Jenna pointed to herself. “No, Marble is inside. He didn’t want to come out and mingle.”

               “What’s this one’s name?” Virgil asked, giving the tan doggo vigorous scratches as she wagged her tail at a mile a minute.

               “That one’s Peach-y girl.” Jenna baby talked at the dog, who somehow wagged her tail faster.

               Peach bolted off his lap, ran in a wide, happy circle and trampled back onto him.

               “So, how do you like the neighborhood so far?” Jenna asked.

               “It’s nice.” Virgil moved his head to keep Peach from licking the inside of his mouth. “I haven’t met too many people though.”

               “Well.” She gestured at the crowded yard. “That’s gonna change.”

               Jenna darted off to greet more guests and the dogs followed her. Darn. Virgil looked around tensely. There were a lot of people. Did they know? Were they going to bring it up? Were they going to ask? Were they going to take sides? Whose side would they be on?

               Slowly it became reality that he couldn’t just sit here until someone needed a prop and then just go back to his seat. What was he supposed to do? How did people act at things like this? He’d never been to anything so casual. Was he supposed to play with the other kids? Talk to the adults? Eat? Was he supposed to eat? Was it time to eat? Where were the dogs? Where was Patton? Where was he?

               “Ok kiddo,” Patton, it was really Patton, he was back. “Jenna and Julian are vegans, so there’s a lot of vegetables. But they’re good. Both of them are awesome cooks.”

               Patton set a paper plate full of food on his lap and sat down next to him.

               “She didn’t say she was a vegan while I was talking to her.” Virgil looked for Jenna in the crowd.

               “They’re not preachy about it.”

               “Cool.”

               “And plenty of other people brought meat.”

               Virgil took a bite of what he thought was pulled pork and spit it out immediately.

               “Is this?” He rubbed the seasoning off and saw that it was yellow. “This is a banana peel!”

               “What?” Patton took a taste and grimaced. “That is! Barbra must have brought it.”

               “Is she a raccoon?”

               “Wait here.” Patton stood up and walked over to the ‘pulled pork’ dish.

               He looked around and quickly set the dish on the grass. He made a few beckoning gestures and a mastiff ran at him and started inhaling the banana abomination. He pet the bear sized creature contentedly and strolled back to their spot.

               Having run out of food, Bear Dog lumbered over to them. Virgil tried to react in time but before he could, Bear Dog had his entire plate in its mouth. Plate and all, it ate everything.

               “Countess, no.” Patton ordered. “That wasn’t for you!”

               Countess smacked her lips and started licking Virgil’s face. He silently accepted that he would die by dog smothering and decided that was indeed how he wanted to go.

               “No.” Logan showed up out of nowhere and tried to nervously shoo the dog away. “No, shoo. Get away from him.”

               “I’m ok Uncle Logan.” Virgil wrapped his arms around the dog’s neck.

               Logan stared anxiously. His every muscle was tensed at the dog’s presence.

               So, Uncle Logan is afraid of dogs. I wonder why.

               “OK friend.” Virgil ruffled the dog’s fur. “Go play with someone else! Go play!”

               Countess zoomed away, no doubt measuring on the Richter scale. She would cause tidal waves in her wake. Tidal waves of drool.

               “I’ll get you a new plate.” Patton pushed himself off the ground. He paused and suddenly lit up. “Dodie!” He waved happily in someone’s direction. “Come meet the baby!”

               “Does he mean me?” Virgil looked to Logan for help.

               “I believe you’re about to experience an equivalent to women passing a newborn around for everyone to hold.” Logan raised an eyebrow. “Patton is very excited.”

               Patton scampered over with the tiniest morsel of a woman. This girl, who Virgil assumed was an adult had long brown hair and a young face. She could probably fit in a backpack.

               “This is Virgil.” Patton gestured eagerly. “Virgil, this is our friend, Dodie.”

               “Hello.” She chirped with an equally tiny voice nestled in an English accent.

               “Hi.” Virgil looked between the three adults.

               “I trust you’re adjusting to all the Patton hugs?” Dodie smiled. “It’s sometimes hard if you don’t like cuddles.”

               “I’m getting used to it.” Virgil smiled back. There was no way she’d hurt him, right?

               “Who doesn’t like cuddles?” Patton asked in surprise. “Cuddles are the best!”

               Dodie and Logan both laughed.

               “Virgil, they’re laughing at me.” Patton protested. “They’re making fun of my Patton-ted hugs.”

               “Did you just make a pun with your name?” Logan sighed.

               “Yeppers. You deserve a Patton the back for guessing that one.”

               “This is what my life has become.” Logan rubbed his temples.

               “Your name is a pun, Logan.” Patton put a hand on his shoulder.

               “Falsehood.” Logan snapped quickly.

               “It’s true honey, your name is Logan Berry. Like loganberries.”

               “I may scream.”

               “But can’t.” Patton added. “Your volume is too low-gun.”

               “You’re dead to me.”

               “I love you.” Patton wrapped his arms around him.

               Logan sighed and grabbed one of Patton’s hands.

               “Why are you like this?” Logan looked back at him.

               “God owed me a favor.” Patton pressed his cheek to Logan’s.

               Virgil couldn’t help but laugh at that. The sheer amount of confidence in that phrase was a power move for the ages. No one could top that.

               “You call yourself a catholic.” Logan said harshly.

               “No, I call myself Patton.”  

               “That one’s on me.”

               “Uncle Patton never said he was catholic.” Virgil looked up at them.

               Could this be it? The explanation. Could a stern religious upbringing have warped his father into a cruel person? And could that same life have also turned Patton into a soft puppy dog of a person?

               “Yeah, we were raised catholic.” Patton shrugged. “But mom was never too strict with it. She even ended up getting divorced, so, I guess we weren’t that religious. We didn’t even eat fish that often.”

               Virgil deflated. The explanation that he wanted, that he needed. The explanation that he deserved! Once again, it had slipped through his fingers. He saw red for a second. What made a monster? What made his father? Had a loving, supportive home really churned out that bastard? What the hell happened? It didn’t fit!

               He looked up at his uncles. Logan had come from the sort of home that Payton described to his voters, and he was a stand-up guy. Happily married despite his homophobic parents and willing to pull some strange kid off the streets and let him live in his house. And all in all, Logan would be a great dad. Were Logan and Payton just products of their environments in a different way? Did each of them just choose to defy their own upbringing? What made Payton decide to turn the other way? Hell, for that matter what made Logan?

               “Virgil, we can get you a chair if you don’t want to sit on the grass.” Logan shattered his concentration.

               “I’m good.” Virgil answered once the shock wore off.

               This! This is exactly what I am talking about!

               “Here you go.” Patton put another paper plate in his hands and kissed him on the forehead. “And this is for you, not the puppers.”

               “I tried to keep it away from her.” Virgil took the plate. “She was just too fast.”

               “I know.” Patton ruffled his hair. “Once you’ve eaten why don’t you go introduce yourself to the other kiddos? Maybe you can make some friends.”

               “Sure.” Virgil shoved an entire brownie in his mouth. For some ungodly reason it was spicy.

               Now beginning to think that no one in this cul-de-sac could cook, and not wanting to look rude Virgil swallowed the brownie. His eyes watered and his mouth tasted like a used napkin from an Italian restaurant. He ran his tongue across his teeth and found what was left of dried leaves stuck to his gums. He spat them out on the grass.

               Virgil glanced up at Patton, who also had a brownie. Maybe it was just him, maybe he just didn’t like sweets. He observed Patton intensely. Patton took a bite out of his pastry and a look of confused disappointment swept over his face. He reluctantly swallowed and set the remaining brownie on the grass.

               “I think someone put oregano in those.” Patton coughed.

               “Barbra again?” Logan questioned.

               “No, she doesn’t use sugar.” Patton rubbed his chin. “Let’s search out the culprit.”

               “Sure, why not?” Logan shrugged.

               “Ok, Virgil, if you need us, we’ll be nearby.” Patton patted him on the head.

               “I didn’t think you were gonna abandon me.”

               “Ok, just yell for us or Roman if you need us.”

               “Cool.” Virgil chanced a corncob. Surely plain vegetables couldn’t surprise him.

There was a hotdog in it.

               As soon as his uncles were out of sight Virgil set his plate on the ground. The dogs could have it. Desperately confused, he lay down on his side and thought. The pork was a banana peel, the brownies were made with oregano and the corn, which he couldn’t for the life of him figure out how, had a hotdog in the center instead of a corn cob.

               “If this is weird, I swear to god…” Virgil picked up one of Roman’s watermelon balls.

               Sweet rapture, it was just watermelon. He all but wept tears of relief. And had his foot not been in a cast he would have danced.

               “So,” A disinterested voice interrupted him. “You’re the new kid.”

               Virgil looked up and saw the single coolest person in the known universe. There before him was a man of about thirteen clad in baggy jeans that were held up by one belt and adorned with two more. A chain hung from one belt that trailed down into his pocket. He wore a legion of black rubber and leather bracelets that accented his MSI t-shirt. His judgmental look was emphasized by two eyebrow piercings and three small hoop earrings in his ear cartilage. He tilted his head to show off the half-shaved half long look his dyed grey hair had been styled in. It was notably uneven, he must have done it himself. What a legend.

               “Maybe.” Virgil tried to play it cool as he wiped watermelon juice off his chin. “I’m new here, but in other places I’ve live many lifetimes.”

               “Cool.” The legend accepted him. This was a glorious day. “My dad wanted me to introduce myself to you.”

               Man, doesn’t that just figure? I should’ve known that this icon wouldn’t just talk to me for the hell of it.

               “Cool, I’m Virgil.” He tried to sound like he wasn’t drooling over this guy’s look. “I’m named after hell’s tour guide.”

               “I’m Lucian.” He bested him with a way cooler name. “So, you’re living with Patton and Logan?”

               Wait, I can just call adults by their first names?

               “Yeah, they’re cool.”

               I think.

               Lucian scoffed. Evidently Patton and Logan weren’t cool. Virgil looked around a single idea was creeping up on him. And that was the idea that this dude may be here to torture him. He looked around for Patton, maybe he was within earshot. But if he yelled for Patton he’d be ‘that kid’ and so far, that was one of the few things he hadn’t been yet.

               No, mostly he was just that idiot who still wet the bed, and wasn’t that so fucking funny? He had also had a few panic attacks, one on stage. There weren’t many people in his corner.

               “Anyway…” Virgil said awkwardly, still trying to gauge if this guy wanted to attack him or not. “Are there any other cool guys here or is it just you?”

               “I’m pretty much the only cool guy in the neighborhood. And, like the only other dude.”

               At that Virgil looked around the yard. Lucian was right, most of the people had daughters. From the looks of things, they were they only guys there. Another observation was that a lot of the parents seemed to be single. That or they were all in gay relationships like his uncles were. Was this a gay community? A gay-borhood?

               “Wanna see my scars?” Virgil offered blankly.

               “Sure.” Lucian seemed taken aback.

               Virgil’s hands weren’t in as bad shape as before. But they were still messed up. The skin had stiffened up, making it difficult to open and close his hands still. And his palms currently looked like melted plastic with massive blisters jutting up out of them. He had band aids on both thumbs and his left index finger to cover up the missing nails. And finally, there was a very faint ribbing pattern in the center of his palms. Left over from the desk lamp he had tried to bust his window with.

               Lucian stared at his hands with a dismayed look of revolution and terror.

               “Geeze dude.” He gagged. “How long were you trapped in there?”

               “I don’t know. I left my stopwatch behind.” Virgil shrugged.

               Lucian gave a respectful scoff at the joke.

               “So, do a lot of people know about the…” Virgil struggled to do air quotes. “Fire?”

               “Yeah, my dad told me. Then he told me not to bring it up. I mean, like, why tell me if I have to act like I don’t know?”

               Virgil chewed on one of his bandages, he was debating running away from this conversation. The god of coolness knew that he used to be his dad’s punching bag and that wasn’t exactly ideal. He’d prefer for that not to have happened. Fight or flight was kicking in, but he couldn’t exactly fight a topic.

               “Whatever.” He tried to play it off. “So, do you go to school nearby?”

               “Yeah.”

               Ok, let’s try something that will get me a better answer.

               “Did you eat any of the food yet?”

               “No.”

               “Ok, because it’s all not what it’s supposed to be.”

               “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucian squinted.

               “It means I ate corn of the cob and found a hotdog in it.” Virgil held up the offending vegetable as proof. “Exhibit A.”

               “What the fuck?” Lucian snatched it away and looked at it closely. “What the hell? There’s a hot dog in here! How? Why? The fuck?”

               “I know right? And there was pulled pork that turned out to be a banana peel, and someone made brownies with oregano in them.”

               “Geeze, these cookouts get weirder every time.” Lucian sneered.

               “Do you have a lot of these around here?”

               “Sure, Jenna and Julian love to do weird things like this. And Brain is always ready to show off. And my dad likes to throw dinner parties.” He made a face and did air quotes. “Like the Victorians.”

               “Well, I guess I have to socialize now.” Virgil sighed.

               Speaking of that particular hell, Roman emerged out of nowhere with a tall, dark woman in tow. Roman’s friend had waist length hair that flowed down her back like liquid ebony and walked with an air of confidence that almost rivaled him.

               “Hi Virgil.” Roman greeted happily. “I see you’ve met Lucian.”

               “I have.” Virgil nodded. In his past life this would be the point where he was forbidden to talk to this guy under whatever pretext.

               “That’s nice. We all figured you two would get along.” Roman beamed and gestured towards his guest. “This is our friend Lily.”

               “What’s up?” Lily asked excitedly.

               “Uhh… we were talking about food?” Virgil looked at the grass, intimidated by this massive presence.

               “You shouldn’t talk about the food behind its back like that.” Lily answered. “You have to insult it to its face.”

               Virgil looked at Roman for help. Roman just smiled at him. But Lily saw him and laughed.

               “I’m just teasing.” She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m just here to observe how deep Patton and Logan’s betrayal runs.”

               “What?” Virgil sunk into himself.

               “Now that they’re adopting, every single person and childless couple is gonna get twice the flack about…” She did a higher voice. “Settling down and starting a family.” She returned to her normal voice. “When ya girl wants to do that, she will. And it is none of your business. I’m a brown woman, so I already get nagged about that by my family. I don’t need my neighbors to start.”

               “Yes mam.” Virgil uttered in awestruck terror.

               “Anyway.” She ruffled his hair, like Patton had done hundreds of times already. “It was nice meeting you. I won’t cramp your style anymore.”

               With that she left, and Virgil was convinced he had just met the god of yore or some other deity.

               “She’s fun, isn’t she?” Roman smiled.

               “Yeah.”

               “Well, I came over to make sure Barbra doesn’t get a chance to talk to you.” He continued. “She probably wishes you were dead as well.”

               “I’ll keep Karen away from him.” Lucian said disinterestedly.

               “Good. Don’t even let her look over here.” Roman said backing away.

               Roman tripped over a sprinkler but recovered himself with surprising grace and walked away. As he left a new figure emerged. A dude roughly the same age as them wearing an orange hoodie with the hood up. The hood half concealed dark curly hair and cast a shadow on his sort of mustache that he was trying to grow. You know the kind, it’s like six hairs and they’re all different lengths.

               “My dad told me to introduce myself to you.” Hood man sneered at him.

               I wonder if anyone can talk to me without being told first. But I’m two for two in pity friends.

               “Cool.” Virgil said blankly. “I’m Virgil.”

               “I’m Ernest.” Hood man returned.

               Virgil tried to think of anything he would have in common with people his own age. And unless these two were chess club members, which they obviously weren’t because they weren’t losers, he was going to come up short. His dad was in prison and he was still screwing him over. He really was all powerful.

               “Did either of you eat any of the brownies?” Ernest asked in a hushed voice.

               “Yeah, there was oregano in them for some ungodly reason.” Virgil answered.

               “What?” Ernest looked confused. “They’re pot brownies, they’re not made with Italian spices.”  

               “I don’t feel high.” Virgil shrugged. “You sure you didn’t get ripped off?”

               “Lucian.” Ernest glared daggers at their third member. “What did you sell me?”

               “Oregano leaves.” Lucian scoffed. “And apparently that’s a good thing, because you were planning on drugging the entire neighborhood!”

               “You scammed me! I want my ten bucks back!”

               “No way! You paid me ten bucks to learn a valuable lesson.”

               Virgil pulled the draw strings on his hoodie and started chewing on them.

               “What lesson?!”

               “Not to be an idiot! What would have happened if one of the little kids ate your roofied crap?”

               “Weed is less unhealthy than chocolate!”

               “Not if you don’t know you’re getting high! What if someone gave River a brownie?! You would have drugged a baby!”

               “So, you just threw whole ass leaves in some brownie mix?” Virgil interrupted. “And what, hoped that no one would notice?”

               “What?” Lucian walked over to the table and came back with a brownie. “You idiot! You’re supposed to make it into butter first!”

               “How the hell was I supposed to know that!” Ernest threw his hands up. “I can’t just google how to make pot brownies!”

               Virgil limped over to the table and came back with a lemonade. He drank it contentedly as the scene unfolded.

               “What if someone ate one of them and went in the pool you jackass?!”

               “You can’t swim after eating! No one would have!”

               “Ok, but they were whole leaves.” Virgil said probably to himself. “Even if it was real drugs anyone would have just spat them out after one bite.”  

               “You can’t just drug people! You’re describing the thought process of a rapist!” Lucian crescendo-ed.

               “Ok. I’m calling my dog over, so your head explodes.” Ernest said sternly.

               “Careful not to drug her!”  

               Virgil left and came back with a plate of chips. The argument was going great. Clearly Lucian was winning, but Ernest whistled, and bear dog came bounding over. Bear dog gave Lucian a quick lick on the hand before he could react and then she went for Virgil’s chips.

               “This isn’t over you dick.” Lucian said before storming off.

               Ernest stood victorious. Bear dog ate Virgil’s entire plate, plate and all.

               “The brownie thing was stupid though.” Virgil commented, petting the massive dog. “Like, that was poorly planned at best.”

               “I know that now.” Ernest rolled his eyes. “But it’ll be a cold day in hell before I admit that to Lucian.”

               “I admire your resolve.”

               Virgil counted that event as a success. No one died, nothing caught on fire and no one got arrested. He even made a couple of friends. Granted they were pity friends, but he would take what he could get. And they made hamburgers towards the end that didn’t have any weird stuff in them. Great success.  

[harrysdimples]

miss americana thoughts:

this is going to be very disorganised and long and ramble-y so I apologise lol but I have too much invested in this to not write an essay on it lmao. 

I’ve said before when talking about harry, that I hate when people say ‘oh how could you ever break up with THE harry styles’ because I feel that sort of absolves him from any possible wrongdoing he could ever do in a relationship. the breakup and endings of relationships and even friendships are very, very rarely at fault of only one person in the relationship and that shouldn’t be any different just because they’re a celebrity. I bring this up because with miss americana, the framing of taylor’s apolitical stance and overall good girl image feels somewhat disjointed to me, which is something that carries throughout the documentary unfortunately. It is absolutely true (and I am by no means refuting this whatsoever because it’s very, very apparent this happens in the music industry, especially in the time period taylor was making her debut) that female artists are told to sit idly by and project themselves in a way of being ‘pure’ or play into the sexiness they’re objectified by, but they shouldn’t speak out of turn unless spoken to. BUT framing taylor’s entire career that way to me feels a similar way to what I just mentioned about harry, it absolves her of the responsibility somewhat to speak out and instead frames the issue many people have with her as something different to what it is. 

I completely understand how pressured she must’ve felt to keep that image going (especially with how much she said she fought for approval from everyone) but that doesn’t mean it’s a cover-all bases excuse. for someone who has said before that they are directly involved with the marketing of their music and what she projects as her brand, I don’t think it’s fair enough to pivot to pinning all of what people find frustrating about taylor onto the media. I think that was one of my problems with reputation too, that any time I felt she could’ve really dug into her psyche and the disillusionment with her public image, she backed off or got too scared to push the envelope, and I sort of feel the same here with miss americana. it’s okay to say she fucked up (and she did say that with her politics in the arguing scene with her dad which I appreciated) and that she also was in the wrong at times, but I feel that a lot of the time rather than saying that, she circled back to the talking point of sexism in the industry (which is still prevalent of course) and that’s disappointing to me. 

I would’ve liked to see more about how she had to reject her previous belief systems, because judging from her dad’s politics, he is a republican, which growing up, whether she liked it or not, had to have influenced her, as it does with every person and their own parents. I don’t think she realises how much the kanye/taylor feud (regardless of whether kanye was ever right or wrong) played into the angry black man vs virginal pure white girl trope that was a microcosm of american politics at the time, and that’s why it was so important she spoke up when she failed to. it benefitted her, along with the belief that she was secretly conservative and someone alt-right groups could praise, whether she wants to acknowledge that or not, and I wish someone had challenged her on that. I appreciate what taylor has done in speaking out and what she has done for the LGBTQ community, but it all feels slightly marketed as Taylor Swift Is The First Pop Star To Talk About Politics to me still. 

I said when the trailer came out that the part about nobody actively hating her in the audience was meant to be played for laughs but was concerning to me, and a few things in the doc also stuck out to me in a similar vein. her comment about having a very ‘slappable face’ when filming the ME! music video is....concerning to say the least. i’m not surprised she’s unfortunately internalised seemingly a lot of what people have said about her, but combined with her saying that she had nobody to call after she won AOTY for 1989, I just can’t help but feel worried for her that she’s stuck her heels in the sand about therapy. it’s not a failure, and I feel like from what she’s said in interviews, she feels like it is. her being so upset about reputation not getting nominations was really sad to me, I know how much it must’ve hurt for her to feel she put out a great record and to not get recognition for it, but it was alarming to me that she disregarded it as soon as it didn’t get that validation and she had to be reminded that it was a good record. I think it was the NY Times review, or one of them at least, mentioned how much loneliness seemed to follow Taylor, and I can’t help but agree with that sentiment. the small moments shown with Joe were very sweet, but it all feels very contained and inward-looking, and besides her small circle she doesn’t really have many people around her. I mean, she’s mentioned multiple times in her lyrics on rep and lover that joe somewhat ‘saved’ her from the place she was in, which is lovely, but also she upped and moved to london for him and the kind of idolisation she seems to have in her lyrics about him isn’t really healthy for anyone imho. I don’t know. I just hope she has good people around her and not just yes men when it comes to her music and who she is as a person.

some of the scenes felt out of place in the way they were framing the documentary, like the scene where she and abigail were having dinner or when I felt like she was swearing to prove somewhat of a point (if anyone ever watched them, it felt the same way as to when zoella and alfie deyes on youtube started swearing on youtube to appeal to an older audience but it instead came off as a weird inclusion in their videos) and I think that took me out of what the film was supposed to be, because those scenes read to me as purely there to serve a purpose of pushing an image, whereas the others didn’t, they felt as if they were just following her and asking her questions in a natural way. 

I guess i’ll finish this post (even though im sure I have more thoughts that will come out once i’m reminded of some stuff) with i’m just not really sure what she was aiming for with this doc. I don’t know if it was for the fans, but I felt for me it didn’t include a lot of the stuff I love to see from her (behind the scenes writing stuff) as a fan, or if it was meant to convince or sway those that aren’t fans with her political views, which I don’t think it did, and if she was aiming for both, I don’t think she really achieved that. it’s similar to what I said about reputation before, she mostly backed off when things could’ve been even more interesting than what she presented to the audience in the first place. idk. this was a word vomit lol

[clubdolan]

Noah + Youtuber

Just like Noah dating a youtuber and being used to her vlogging. There’s pictures in here too.

“This is a vlog, I am Lucy and this week I am doing things.” The video went to an intro screen, a black and white sketch of her popped up and winked as -VlogLucyVlog- was written at the bottom.

“Hello everyone, it’s Lucy, I am power walking through LAX because I just got back from Fiji and I have to get ready, film with someone and get to Noah’s movie premiere in four hours so I am stressed.” She took off running as the camera and her camera person (her editor/assistant, Kelsey) chased her.

Two people stopped her as she rushed out, she took quick pictures and ran around the luggage carousel to find her bright red polka dot bags and wait on her uber.

“James said it’s fine to go to his apartment now, he’s set up to film.” Lucy kept tapping on her phone, “And Brandon is bringing my dress choices there to pick from.”

“Do you want any food? I’ll post mates.” Kelsey offered waving down the SUV that came towards them. 

-

“I can’t believe it’s time for his movie to come out, I think I’m freaking out more than him.” Lucy said, sipping on a  drink while James did her eye makeup. 

“Have you seen it?”

“Yes! I also read the books once he got the role. It’s the cutest and everyone will fall in love with the characters. And everyone will love Lana who plays Lara Jean, she is the sweetest and funniest person. Ugh, I love her.”

James and Lucy kept talking as he painted her face. A simple eye with a glossy, light brown lip. He ended his video thanking Lucy for coming over which she thanked him back for even offering. They were good friends, they hadn’t collabed in a while and she didn’t want to be stressed doing her own makeup in a  rush.

Her stylist, Brandon, had outfits laying out down James’ couch and Lucy scanned them, picking two to try on. She held up the mirror selfie Noah had taken of himself; navy suit and different muted greens on the shirt underneath. She scanned the outfits again and put one down and grabbed another.

Lucy shook out the bottom of her hair that Kelsey had helped put half up before straightening up her appearance in the mirror and taking a picture.

Lucy: TATBILB READY 🤗

Noah: Wooooahh woahh WOAH 😍 

Lucy: Also not wearing heels, prepare to look two feet taller than me.

Lucy: AND I’m 20 minutes away from your hotel.

A twenty minute Uber drive (that should normally take three minutes) and she practically ran into the hotel towards a group of familiar people with Kelsey filming on her heels.

“Peter Kavinsky, is that you? THE Peter K?” She laughed, wrapping her arms around Noah. “Are you excited?”

“Ahhh, babe. I’m so excited. I’m so happy you could make it.” He turned around and squeezed her to his chest, her head just touching his chin. “You’re so tan, I’m so jealous about Fiji.”

His hands traveled down her arms and grabbed onto hers, “You’re so pretty.” He smiled, looking her up and down again. “I really like you. Like a lot.” His face scrunched as he spoke in his baby voice. “Hi Kelsey.” Noah smiled at the camera that was popped over his shoulder. “Hi vlog!” He took the camera from her, “Today is the premier of the movie and I’m super psyched. Look how gorgeous Lucy looks. Give us your ootd.” 

Noah wasn’t a stranger to the vlogs. He hadn’t been since Lucy and him had met. This was her life, making beauty videos, making vlogs, instagramming her outfits, collaborating with brands and other influencers; doing anything to entertain her fan base of three million and growing.

Boyfriend Tag, Boyfriend Does my Makeup, on set with him, a day at the beach, a vacation to Greece; she had it all on their channel for the last seven months they had been dating.

The red carpet was packed, waiting on the main cast to arrive. She said her hellos to the director, the writer of the book and other actors before getting yelled at by fans for pictures. 

Lucy let Noah go ahead, he was with the cast taking pictures, doing interviews and continuously smiling for everyone. She was stopped for a few interviews, “It’s so good to see you again, we saw you were just in Fiji, how was that?”

“Yeah, Dote Shopping sent us to Fiji and it was honestly one of the prettiest places and I had a blast with all of my friends and made so many new friends and I didn’t want to leave but I did; I had to be back here for this.” Lucy smiled, listening to questions.

“I’m nervous for some reason even though I have nothing to do with the film. Noah is excited, he just wants everyone to see the movie and finally be able to talk about it. That whole cast is so talented and they were hilarious to watch. It’s a cute movie, everyone will love it.”

Kelsey still filmed, walking around the red carpet behind Lucy who randomly would talk to the camera, “I am absolutely starving.” She whispered to the camera, “I know Kelsey has snacks in her camera bag--

“LUCY!” It seemed like the whole population of the red carpet yelled at her. She turned around and saw Noah standing alone near the back drop, waving for her to come over.

She skipped her way over, wrapping her arms around him. The photographers had a hay-day as they smiled at each other, Noah held her in front of him, she pulled him down to kiss his cheek and they stood next to each other smiling for a few normal pictures.

Her cheek muscles were about to cramp from smiling so much when his publicists said they needed to get inside.

“I honestly don’t even know what happened, I think I blacked out that whole thing.” Lucy said to the camera, “Hopefully I didn’t say anything stupid.”

“You probably did.” Noah said, pulling her along by her hand. “I know I did.”

“You always say stupid stuff.” She laughed, leaning up to kiss him. “Hold on.” Lucy stopped him, using her thumb to wipe a little bit of lipstick off his cheek. She kept his face squished in her hand and looked at him, “Wow you’re cute.”

“Stahhhhp.” He laughed, walking away from her.

“A rare Noah Centineo, blushing?” She questioned, following him inside. “His cheeks turned a light pink from a compliment. This is a rarity. Usually it’s him making people blush.”

-

The premier was over and two SUV’s of them went to the Taco Bell drive-thru before crashing in one of their hotel rooms, reading up reviews of the movie as people watched it.

“Babe..” Lucy tapped on Noah’s shoulder as he slept with his head on her lap, “Noah..”

“Yeah?” He was the only one who immediately fell asleep after eating, no surprise to anyone.

“You had like eight hundred thousand instagram followers, right?” He nodded, his eyes still closed, “You’re almost at two million...”

He quickly sat up and pulled his phone from the charger on the table, “What?”

“You’re a trending topic and top on Social Blade and-- I got like two hundred thousand new followers....” She checked her apps, her statistics she tracked and was also texting her manager about it.

“This is .. insane.” He scrolled through instagram as his follower count grew.

“Aww, baby No is a lil heart throb.” She joked, poking his cheek, “These comments are.. intense.”

“Shove your--- I want to have you choke--- Run me over--- Jesus Christ these are like twelve year olds.” His eyes widened as he kept reading, “Oh someone here asked you how good the D was.”

“I should go reply.” She joked, getting her camera out to vlog. “So it’s been...” Lucy checked her wrist where no watch was, “It’s been two hours since the movie came out and someone has become Mr. Popular.” She scanned the camera to him and he grinned back, “He’s gotten like two million followers since it came out, it’s insane.”

“I don’t understand it.”

“You’re soooo cute everyone’s gotta follow you.” She teased, “It’s good, that means people are watching the movie and liking it! Let me know in the comments below if you have watched it.”

“To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, on Netflix now.” Noah said, “And in two weeks Sierra Burgess is a Loser comes out.”

“Have you said what else you’re filming?”

“Oh, the Fosters spin-off Good Trouble. I get to come back in one episode.” He danced a little as he sat. “And The Stand In has a release date soon.”

“Geez, after all this I’ll have to fight twenty billion people off of you.”

“You’ll never have to fight people off of me.” He wrapped his arms around her, “You’ll have to fight me off of you.” Noah squeezed her and kissed the top of her head, “Because I think you’re really cool. I like you a lot. Maybe we can .. go out or something.” He quoted a vine, like they always did with each other. Their own personal inside joke that some people caught onto.

“I dunno, maybe.” Lucy shrugged, getting a pillow shoved over her face as she laughed, “Noah! Noah let me see---- thanks.” She pushed her now messy hair from her face, “That’s it, that’s today, we did today, we finished today. Noah’s a movie star so go watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix! See you tomorrow.” 

[arivers610]

Bitches Be Crazy

Erica perked up when Celeste and Mina sat down,

“Good you guys are here now, okay so how does everyone feel about going to a club this weekend!”

Daisy and Mina nodded but Celeste and Nehemie didn’t seem too excited.

Celeste shrugged her shoulders,

“I’m just not a “club” person. Sorry but I think I’m going to pass.”

Nehemie nodded,

“Me too.”

“Oh come ‘on Neh, just tell your parents you’re staying over at my place.”

“And what will you be telling your parents Aminata?” Nehemie using Mina’s full name made her sound even more like the mother of the group.

“I’ll tell them we’re having a sleepover at your place. It’ll be just like that time we went to New York to see Drake and that turned out fine.”

“Us missing our bus, you losing your money and making us stay at some rent by the hour motel is not my definition of fine.”

“But that won’t happen because Celeste said that she lives on he own, everyone looked at Celeste, so can we stay with you this weekend?”

“Sure but I don’t know if I want to go out.”

“Please Celeste, Mina begged then Erica joined in, we need the whole gang.”

“Okay fine, but I have to ask my roommate.”

“Who’s your roommate?” Daisy asked

“His name is Julien, I found him on craigslist and he hasn’t killed me yet so he’s a pretty good roommate.”

“You live with a guy that you met on craigslist?” Erica shouted

“Is he cute?” Daisy asked

“He is and he is also very, very gay so there’s no need to worry about anything other than him possibly stealing your clothes.”

“Well that settles it, we’ll get ready at Celeste’s, drive over to the club and crash at her place, Erica shrugged her shoulders, as long as it’s okay with your roommate.”

Celeste sighed and nodded,

“I’ll ask him tonight but, Celeste pointed to Erica before she could celebrate, when one of us is ready to leave we all leave together, okay?”

Everyone nodded in agreement. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Later on~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celeste decided to take a break from her school work and do something that would relax her, paint. She threw on an old t-shirt of hers that was already splattered with paint, a pair of Soffe shorts, also covered in paint, and pulled her hair into a pony tail at the top of her head.

She laid down her white tarp, turned on some music and let her paint brush glide across the blank canvas. Her go to thing to paint was birds or flowers but this time she just started painting lines and dripping paint onto the canvas. Celeste picked up the canvas and slowly rotated it. The pinks and purples swirled together with the blue. She decided to leave the one corner completely free of paint. She dipped a thinner paint brush into some brown paint and painted a bird with its wings spread out. Underneath it she wrote with her fancy paint pen,

Be like a bird, fly forwards not backwards

When Julien came home, Celeste showed him her painting.

“I like the Jackson Pollock vibes, not crazy about the bird, Celeste rolled her eyes, but then again I can barely draw stick figures so who am I too judge. I love it.”

“Thanks, so how was work?”Celeste asked.

“It was okay, clam chowder girl called off again. So I had to stick around until thick ass Tony came in.” Julien smiled and grabbed a plate to warm up the leftover chicken and rice.

“I know why you call Tony, thick ass Tony but why do you call that girl clam chowder girl again?”

“Because it was the first thing she dropped when she started working, Celeste smiled and nodded, oh and how was school today? Did you learn anything?” he popped it in the microwave for 90 seconds.

Celeste shrugged her shoulders ,

“It was okay, oh by the way some of my friends want to go out on Saturday so I told them they can crash here afterwards, is that okay with you.”

Julien jumped up and hugged Celeste,

“Yes of course it’s okay, he flung her back and forth, I’m so happy you’re making friends.”

Celeste laughed and pushed him away,

“JuJu, you act like I’m some shut in who never wants to leave the house and would love nothing more than to lay on the couch and, Celeste stopped and nodded, okay so I guess that is pretty much me.”

“But not anymore, this weekend you’re going out, maybe next weekend you’ll  finally get laid.” Julien clapped his hands together.

Celeste sighed and shook her head,

“I don’t need to get laid Julien.”

“Oh really, he walked into the living room and grabbed the remote, let’s check and see what you’ve been watching on Netflix, shall we?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“When you’re sexually frustrated you watch Marvel movies because you’ve got the hots for the three Chris’s, Evans, Hemsworth and Pratt.”

“No I don’t, Celeste lunged at Julien for the remote, okay you’ve made you’re point. But it still doesn’t matter.”

Julien backed off,

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry I brought it up, he put his arm around her, you can do or not do whoever you want. Besides, one of us in this apartment should be welcomed at the pearly gates.” He winked and nudged his shoulder into hers.

“Nah, I’m already going to hell for laughing at old people falling down in those life alert commercials.”

“Did you ever see the video where someone takes clips from the commercials and adds music to it?”

“Yes, but let’s watch them anyway.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The next day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The feminist voice of Sylvia Plath can be heard in her writing and told through her life, Celeste cleared her throat and looked down at her note cards, an examples of her feminist voice can be found in her poem Lady Lazarus which ends with the words, out of the ash I rise with my red hair and I eat men like air, Celeste looked up from her note cards and saw Ian smiling at her, even at the young age of 17 Sylvia wasn’t interested in the traditional roles that women had during that time. She wrote, I am afraid of getting older. I am afraid of getting married. Spare me from cooking three meals a day, spare me from the relentless cage of routine and rote. I want to be free I want to think, to be omniscient.”

Celeste put her note cards down and used the rest of her time to show images of Sylvia in a PowerPoint.

“Okay thank you Ms. Drummer, that was very informative. Does anyone have any questions, just as she was about to go sit down, a hand shot up in the air, Ian do you have a question for Celeste?”

Celeste clenched her jaw and let out an audible sigh. Ian nodded and leaned forward in his seat,

“Yeah I was wondering why you didn’t mention the fact that she was mentally ill?”

“Well because it doesn’t have anything to do with her being a feminist. If this was a Psych class I would’ve mentioned it. Unless you think they’re connected?”

Everyone turned and looked at Ian. He shook his head,

“I’m not saying they’re connected but maybe there is some truth to the saying, bitches be crazy.”

A few people in the class laughed but the teacher stopped it from going any further,

“Okay let’s keep the questions relevant and stop using terms like bitch to describe women.”

“My apologies Ms. Anderson and Celeste, I should have phrased the question better.”

His apologetic smile was enough for the teacher but Celeste stuck her lip up in disgust and took her seat.

After class the teacher handed Celeste her paper back and the grade she got on her presentation,

“You’re paper was great I just wish you would have brought that in a little more with your presentation but overall you did a good job. Keep it up!”

Celeste smiled and took her paper from the teacher. An A- wasn’t a bad grade but if it weren’t for the presentation part of the assignment she would have gotten higher than a 90%. She walked out of class with her head down reading the comments on her paper. Someone in front of her held the door for her,

“Thanks.” She said without looking up.

“You’re welcome Ms. Drummer.”

Celeste shook her head and turned around to face Ian,

“Don’t say my name like that.” Celeste straightened her back to appear taller and louder than she actually was.

“Like what?” Ian put his hands in his pockets and leaned in.

“Like, Celeste waved her hands in front of his face, that. Like everything you say has some hidden motive. It’s creepy and weird.”

“Whatever you say, he looked down at her paper then up to her face, good job by the way.” He winked and brushed past her.

IanJReyes0716: “The night I lost my keys, broke into a car and realized it wasn’t my car.”

KingStephen009:”You never did get that jacket back from that tattooed chick, did you?”

IanJReyes0716: “Nope but it was worth it.”

[nbhd-daily]

Jesse Rutherford’s Blonde Ambition

After seeing success as the lead singer of standout band The Neighbourhood, the 26-year-old So-Cal native decided it was time to try things on his own. &, Rutherford's first solo album, perfectly embodies the personality of the man who was born to be blonde. It's funny, poppy, loose yet precise, and more than anything, honest.

office met with Rutherford at his hotel in New York City a day before his flight back to California to perform in front of a sold out crowd alongside the band that helped him find his voice. Rutherford was open and reflective. He's as transparent as you'd hope any musician would be. He knows the key to success as a musician is being your best and most honest self at all times, all while making great music.

Interview by Khufu Najee

Photos by Mitchell Connell

I want to start off by saying I love the album.

Thank you.

I was in LA with my girlfriend when I first heard it and on that same morning, I actually dyed my hair blonde.

Yo (laughs). That’s sick.

True story.

So cool. It looks great, by the way.

Thank you, man. But that leads me to my first question. "Born To Be Blonde." What was the inspiration for that song? I know you were very specific about starting the album with that song. What went into that thought process?

The general statement just kinda means be whoever you wanna be. It’s just kind of a twist on how to say that or my particular way of saying it. I felt like it was a chance for me to be as stupid and as smart as I am — or as I think I might be — all in one go. I don’t know. It just kind of happened. It was a poem. It was a poem that I wrote while The Neighbourhood was recording our Wiped Out album. It was just a poem. I wrote it one day and or one night. I don’t even remember. I just know it was during that process cause I was blonde at that point and I was really psyched about it. It was just the way it made me feel I guess. Wrote it down. Maybe 75% of it came from that initial poem. The last 25% — the bridge and shit — was written in the studio as I was recording it. But I tried doing it a couple times. It was going to be a Neighbourhood song a long time ago. Nothing ever happened to it.

It’s very interesting how often I hear a good portion of songs that we hear on someone’s new album are actually old.

Yep. And that comes with age and with time. It’s crazy you say that cause I’ve thought about that a lot recently too and it’s given me a new hope with writing music because I probably have hundreds of songs that are not released and now I know sometimes I can go back in the fucking Rolodex. Oh okay. Wrote it in 2013. It’s 2018. Now they're ready for it. That’s how it goes sometimes.

You have to be ready to let it go.

You have to be on time. You can’t be early in this game. That doesn’t get you anywhere. At least from my experience. I feel like there have been moments where I’ve been like well I did that first and then something else happens and someone else does it. And maybe they did it at a better time. Maybe they had it more refined. Maybe it was better than the version I had. Or the type of song. Or the type of sound. Sometimes you gotta wait for the right time.

The 2014 mixtape with the band. Two features I want to ask about. You had Gerald and Kossisko. Two really good friends of mine.

Oh, you grew up in the bay?

Yeah, man.

Dope.

So, I’m curious. How did the Bay Area connection come about?

(Laughs).

It's always a good answer when they laugh before answering.

Well, Kossisko, 100s at the time, that was through our friend Matthew. Kirk, who has a label now, runs it with Matthew’s partner label.

What’s the label?

Bad Habits.

Okay.

And Matthew, he’s like my LA homie. He’s like my first LA friend. When I was like 19 trying to rap and putting my shit on the internet, he was the first dude from the city — cause I’m from the suburbs outside the city — he was like the first dude from the city to be like, yo, you’re tight, come hang out with me and my friends. And those friends ended up being 4e, who helped me produce the mixtape and then helping The Neighbourhood do our Wiped Out album. It was a long process. That was, you know, six or seven years ago. It was a while ago. I met Kossisko through him.

He’s a good dude, man.

Yeah, dude. He’s smooth too.

Staying on collaborations, on that same mixtape, you had Danny Seth. And I noticed on this new album, you had MD$, both of whom are big on the music scene in London. How did that connection come about?

Danny was also through Matthew.

Of course he was. Danny lived in LA for a bit, yeah?

Yeah, and Matthew was fucking with him for a minute. I could give you Matthew's number if you want (laughs). He’s in with everyone.

Collabs are important. How did you go about choosing who to work with on this album?

Well, I met Dylan Brady, who produced the majority of the project. I think I was playing a show and Kirk came out. Kirk met with Dylan. I think we were in St. Louis, where Dylan is from and he just walked in and I saw him. I know this may sound very surface but I basically just judged a book by the cover. Like, clothing and how you present yourself, matters. Dylan walked in and he just had this steez that I’d never seen before and I was like there’s something about this guy. Then I ended up hearing his music and it was so ambitious and unique and at the time I was trying to figure out how to find my own lane and find my own sound and do my solo thing. So we got in the studio together, we had a week in Paramount in LA, five days, and we ended up doing seven songs, and about four or five ended up on the record. It was a solid week for sure. He’s a great producer. He can really do anything. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever seen before. He’s a fucking machine, dude. He’s nonstop. Dylan kinda kicked it off. We started with this sound. I worked with Daytrip a couple times before when they were back in LA and we did a couple records but nothing that was my favorite. They were amazing doing what they do but I wasn’t pleased with what I was doing on the songs.

The mind of a perfectionist, man.

Right? But then they randomly sent me a 30-pack and I was like this is fun. So I went through them, picked ten that I liked, recorded on about four or five really quickly and two of them ended up being on the album. MD$, that was just another random session when they were in LA.

MD$ is fire, dude. That’s good music.

They make really good music.

London, for the most part, is known for Grime Rap. When you think rap in London, you think grime. But what they do isn’t grime. It’s so dope and so different.

Very musical.

Very musical. Absolutely. I really want to meet the dude.

He’s a mystery. You never saw him?

No.

He’s cool. He has a swag to him for sure.

How old were you when you decided on music?

I started playing drums when I was in the eighth grade. High school came around and I met this guy who became my buddy. I grew up in a suburb where it’s like hard core punk kinda shit and I just wanted to be a part of that. But my balls took forever to drop and finally when they did I started singing. Voice is still pretty high so they only dropped so far (laughs). But I would say around 17 is when I took it seriously.

And around that age is when you knew this was what you were going to do with your life?

Yeah. Especially once I stopped doing hard core and started making really bad pop rap. I had to start somewhere though (laughs). I’ve never really thought twice about thinking twice. This is all I’ve ever done. And luckily it’s worked. It’s always felt so good. It’s the only thing I’ve ever felt natural at. I’m not that great at video games. I’m not that great at fucking school, all the cliche shit that everybody says.

Knowing what you know now, what would you tell that younger self?

Don’t get those tattoos on your right arm (laughs). Save that real estate because you’re going to want some other shit some day. Maybe don’t get any of the tattoos so early. But 17 year old me, looking at 26 year old me, with like neck tattoos and shit, would be like "yo this guy is so sick what the fuck.” I know that really surface level but I think the boxes you in. If I’m in the whitely tatted lane, then okay. I did it to myself. Other than that, just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s working.

Are you familiar with the word synesthesia?

No.

It’s basically a condition, although I don’t know why they call it that cause it almost gives it a bad connotation. But, Lorde has it, Frank Ocean, few other artists. Basically, you can taste, smell, see colors, in ways other people can’t. It’s amazing.

Me and my team talk about that all time time. We try to relate things to colors when it comes to Neighbourhood music and my own music. We try and connect songs to seasons. Some songs always seem to fit with certain seasons. Day or night. That’s a big one.

Very true. I have music I only listen to at night time. Or when the sun isn’t shining.

That’s the struggle of being asked to play a festival, when you make night music, but they give you the noon slot. How do you like the sun, yo? Yeah, this dark ass song is going to sound great while this bright ass sun is turning my pasty skin bright red.

What color would you say your music is?

I feel like I have to just say rainbow because it has to be the opposite of rainbow because The Neighbourhood has always done the black and white thing. But I don’t know. I really do like yellow. I think yellow is a really cool color. And it doesn’t even have to be bright yellow. Just a nice warm yellow that kinda has some warmth to it.

I’m not going to ask you who your musical inspirations are cause I think that shit is corny as fuck but I am curious where do you draw inspiration from? Are you the kind of dude who has a movie playing on silent in the studio at all times?

No. I’m terrible at watching movies. I need to start watching more. I just started on Apocalypse Now.

Started. Didn’t finish?

Not yet. I’m about half-way through. It's a slow process for me. But inspiration… It’s funny cause I do like Spongebob (laughs) but I feel like a sponge. I just absorb a lot of shit around me. Sometimes I can’t even pinpoint it. It’s just like shit that’s coming at me. Between the different styles and sounds of music that I like and what’s fucking constantly stewing in my head. I just feel like I can do all these different types of music, so I need to do it. And sometimes I fail. And sometimes I think, from what I’ve seen from the internet and from what fans tell me, I think I nail it sometimes. With this project especially, the title alone, just using &. Calling it that left it open to anything. Cause you can’t just have that and nothing else. There has to be something before and something after and you know that. So that alone it’s just like, I’m a sucker for that kind of shit. I just love hooks. I want everything to be a hook. A photo, to a fucking pair of shoes, the title of something, hooks only. I did a book two years ago I called that. It’s a collection of photos I took with my friend, ended up turning it into a book. I’ve always called that book the Bible of Jesse. In that book, there’s no words. All pictures. Just me wearing a whole bunch of shit. It’s all over the place. But that’s how I felt. That’s who I am. I think a lot of people are like that. Especially young people. With the internet how are you just gonna be one thing in this shit?

You have to do everything. It’s the norm now.

You have to. Remember when Drake came out. And he was singing and rapping? People were confused. But now? You can’t not do that (laughs). It’s all that. Which is great. It’s fucking incredible. I feel like now more than ever music is ready for me. You know what I mean? And I’m ready for it. I don’t feel old, I just feel grown enough to just be like, oh yeah I can do all this shit. I’ve been doing this shit for years. It’s just about catching the right moment and knowing what to do. Last time I caught the moment I didn’t know how to hold onto it. I never know how it’s gonna work anymore. I never know what song is going to work. You said you love Barbie and Ken. I was terrified to put the song out because it’s so, so opposite to the character of Jesse Rutherford from The Neighbourhood is known for.

Well, that’s what a solo project should do, innit? Show that other side?

I think so. I hope so.

[dearly]

[Tinashe’s] calm demeanour is at odds with the portrayal we often see of Tinashe in the media: a pop star caught in an endless game of musical chairs. In 2014, her DJ Mustard-producer hit “2 On” positioned her as pop music’s next big thing. She released her debut album Aquarius, and swiftly announced its follow-up, Joyride. But the project stalled. In September of 2015, with still no Joyride in sight, Tinashe released “Party Favors”, a smoky club banger featuring Young Thug. A month later, she debuted Joyride’s lead single “Player”, followed by “Superlove.”

Still, the Billboard barometer for acclaim continued to elude her. This fixation on chart success not only rules record label expectations, but the internet at large: online commentators are quick to brand artists a flop, even though their definition of ‘success’ is a very narrow one. In Tinashe’s case, there were rumours that her label mishandled her release, focusing too much of their attention on other labelmates. Tinashe responded accordingly, promoting her art independently (she admitted to leaking “Party Favors” herself) and self-funding music videos. In November 2016, she released Nightride, a project that demonstrated what Tinashe’s abilities look like when executed without compromise, reorienting loose singles like “Company” and “Party Favors” into an exquisite, softly lit body of work.

Now, after three years of setbacks, Joyride is finally out.

What’s been the biggest hurdle in creating and releasing your art?

Tinashe: There’s (been) a few things. From a business perspective, (one hurdle has been) the idea that hits drive albums, and having to chase hit-making formulas in order to put out my project. I really feel I’m an album artist, that I create worlds and universes and sonic environments – that’s where I know I thrive. To have that minimised, with this idea that one song is supposed to pop the fuck off, is reductive to me. But it’s something I have to deal with in terms how I’m able to even put certain projects out.

You’ve been verbal about your ambitions to follow in the footsteps of supremely visible and talented pop stars. Artists like Beyoncé, Michael, and Janet, those well-rounded artists that eclipse simple entertainment. How do you think that model of a pop star would fare within the current zeitgeist?

Tinashe: I think it’s almost detrimental in this day and age, like a sort of, ‘Oh, you’re super talented? We don’t like that. That’s not what we want to see!’ For me, it was such an important part of my childhood. I love well-rounded entertainers, that was my shit! Watching concerts, watching the music videos, and learning the choreography – my days were filled with those things. The art and thought that went into their visuals and all these elements which make someone an entertainer, it was obvious that this was what I had to do. I didn’t care if it was on trend or not, it’s always been important. It’s still important for me to be that all-encompassing entertainer, and to bring that to young girls who want to dance or watch the music video for choreography.

I don’t know how these iconic entertainers would do these days, because music is so disposable and there’s too much volume. Those entertainers had a certain level of mystery. It was a completely different era. The only thing I can do is continue to navigate the music industry and the era that we’re in. It’s always shifting and changing. I think the music industry is in a really interesting place right now in terms of streaming and where it will go in the future. Will albums still be a thing? All of these questions are up in the air. Right now (I’m) just continuing to make the best art and focusing on that, and wherever I fall into the public spectrum at this point, I’m kind of throwing my hands in the air. I’m at a place where I’m in flow with the universe and wherever it decides to take me, it takes me.

When you spoke with The Guardian, your comments about Beyoncé and Rihanna were sensationalised and placed out of context in the headline. What did you mean about their positions in the music industry?

Tinashe: What I meant by Beyoncé and Rihanna is that they are the pinnacle of success. When people look at artists today, if they haven’t reached that level of success, then they’re deemed failures. That’s what I meant, and that’s how I feel. It’s an unfair dialogue. Even for people to compare new artists to the best of the best, artists of tenure, legacy, and stature – it’s absurd. People don’t understand there’s a growth process, that even the biggest artist had to grow, and it took years for them to achieve these amazing feats. To be continuously torn down or mocked for not reaching those levels of fame and acclaim is detrimental to someone’s psyche and how they create. It’s definitely had an effect on me.

For me, there are so many artists that I respect and love that aren’t the biggest artists in the world. How do you navigate that? Imagine how those people feel? Some of the best artists are incredibly underrated. I’m learning that I have to respect myself. I’m still doing this. I’m in a blessed space able to do what I love, to create art for a living, to maintain business endeavours. Sometimes the internet will try to invalidate that and you almost believe it, but my fan base is my fan base, and that can’t be undermined because it’s not the whole universe. It’s still important.

[ask-svt-hearteu]

college! Minghao

requested by anon: “could you write a college au of minghao please? if you do, tsym (and please include a reader in it, i’m sorry if it’s too much to ask for)”

Admin note: I wrote and rewrote this and researched and rewrote and deleted and wrote this again so many times, it's not funny (ok maybe a little). I'm sorry if this wasn't any good, I legit had such a tough time with this one, well anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Minghao is a Performance Music Major

particularly with a dance focus

when he's not sitting around in some rehearsal room in the music building practicing his vocals or reviewing for the next postmodernism in dance exam

he can usually be found with the other music majors

usually sitting in the outside picnic area of campus

or running through some of the choreos created for the next final project out on the lawn with Soonyoung, Jun, and Chan

with Joshua (vocal performance major) playing guitar

or with Jihoon telling Mingyu to stop blaring rap long enough for him to finish composing

which causes Mingyu and Vernon (contemporary production majors) to both defend Drake as a musical artist

and that Jihoon should stop composing his boring classically arranged piece

which Jihoon says he can't because he's a freaking music theory and composition major and it's due soon

while the rest are debating the musical merits of the latest pop sensation and whether or not the hook is repeated over and over

"'Despacito' has the same chord progressions throughout" "Ok no, there's a modulation in the bridge..." "DEEESSPAAACITOO"

and Minghao's music major friends may seem a bit like a mess

but they're all really close friends

they host recitals every winter and spring

the whole music and drama department

and Minghao is always one of the front performers especially from the dance program

though someone should give him more vocal lines in the shows, why can't the professors realize his vocals are amazing and that he never gets enough lines smfh

Minghao's best classes outside of his major are those relating to liberal arts

especially lit and psychology

the only two courses you shared with him since they were mandatory for graduation

you both have talked before, but mostly just the universal complaining and groaning over homework assignments that characterize every college student ever

since your major was in media studies, his in performance arts

it was understandable that you didn't really get a chance to get to know Minghao, since students with the same majors normally spend a lot of time with people from their own departments

but that's how you always saw Minghao

since the media studies classes were in the humanities and social science building

which is a little past the music building

his group of music majors is always sitting on the lawn in between

and you've noticed little things Minghao does

like how he always opens the doors for the instrumentalists carrying in cases in the morning

or the way he acts like he's done with his friends 100% but then ends up buying them breakfast and making sure they eat

and while it seems as though Minghao is always rehearsing for one thing or another

you sometimes see him skating down the campus on his skateboard or reading in the library

stuff not even assigned to him by your lit professor

joined by Jun, Wonwoo, and Joshua, or other random music majors

they sort of claimed the back corner of the library

one day your lit professor decides it's been too quiet and boring

time to assign a huge project that could potentially make or break your grade

because college professors like torturing students as hobbies

and better yet, it's a partner research essay and visual presentation

which works for you because whoever your partner is, you can just borrow some equipment from the media productions classroom to get the visual presentation part done

and as the teacher starts reading off names

all you can think about is how you hope you don't get stuck with someone who won't do their work

the professor calls out Utopia by Thomas More

the one book on the list you really wanted

and then "Minghao, y/n."

jumping up and silently thanking the heavens for giving you such an easy book to work with

so many freaking things you could talk about, you're so excited

you almost forgot that you had a partner as you go up to collect the book and the directions

Minghao walks up to you quietly

"So when do you want to meet to work on the essay and visual presentation?"

"Oh uh, we can do tomorrow at the student café if you want." you tell him

"Alright."

the two of you meet the next day and split the work evenly in half before

"I have a postmodernism in dance exam tomorrow so I'll take-off first."

"That's fine, we have a whole month, we can chill." you said smiling

Minghao returned the smile and turned around to leave when

"Here, call me if you need help with your half, I'll finish my half of the essay by the end of the week, so we can begin the visual presentation."

he hands you his number and you just nod and assure him he can just leave

with Minghao off to study, you decide to go work on your half in the library

the library is usually open quite late anyway

you start researching the ways More wrote his socio-political satire

but with the amount of sleep you've been getting, you fall asleep on top of your laptop

and sure, the library isn’t for napping

but screw it, you’re running on 3 hours of sleep in the last two days, what else can you do?

Minghao walks into the library a little while later, looking for a global dance history book when he sees you sleeping on your laptop

hair cascading over the table as you breathe slowly in and out

he smiles unconsciously

he had noticed this before

but you’re really pretty

while the closest interactions you've both had together were the random jokes Wonwoo would tell you and Minghao in psych

he knew you were a really nice person, since you and the video production team would always film the shows and performances he did with the rest of his department

he had even seen some of your short student films, the ones that he could only describe as art from someone who must really love what they do

and seeing you calmly napping was cute

so he goes to the nearest vending machine impulsively and buys a can of coffee before he puts it behind your laptop that you’re using as a pillow

“What are you doing Minghao?” Jun says giving Minghao a sly smile while coming up behind him

“Nothing.” he laughs

“Doesn’t look like nothing.” Jun smirks

“We have a project for lit, she's my partner.” he said shrugging his shoulders while looking down at you

“Does she always sleep here?”

“Not sure.”

Jun nods his head slowly, an understanding look on his face 

“Yea you like her, imma call it now.”

“Yah!” Minghao says punching Jun’s arm

“Hey I called it so remember this moment in the future and thank me later.”

Minghao shakes his head

“Well, Wonwoo and I are ready to go, let’s get something to drink.”

when you wake up and shut your laptop you see the can of coffee sitting in front of your closed laptop, with a post-it note

"Keep up the hard work partner! Fighting! -Minghao" you read

you laugh and take the can with you

over the next few weeks, you and Minghao work together on the lit project

and when it's done and you both get an A-

you both celebrate with ice cream from the student café

he’s cute

and funny too

he makes you laugh quite a bit by trying poorly to imitate the lit professor

the two of you kept texting about random hw assignments even after the project was over about anything like movies you wanted to see or concerts that were nearby

you got to know more about his dream to be a performer

he was so passionate about it

they way he talked about performing was the same way you felt about filming in media studies

each a form of art, but each a way to express it in your own style

by the time the winter showcase comes along, your professor assigns you to camera 3 on stage for the show

and you text Minghao

"Hey, break a leg at the concert :)"

"Breaking appendages would actually be a bad thing XD" he texts you back

"You know what I meant!"

"Yea haha, are you coming to watch?" your heart skips a beat a little reading his message

you watch as your phone shows that "Minghao is typing" message a few times before it stops

"I mean you don't have to if you don't want to"

"I'm filming so of course I'll be there ;)" you text back

"Oh ok lol"

you laughed at his short response

when you go to the performance hall the night before opening night to set up the audio systems with some of the other video production crew

you see Minghao and one of his friends running through a choreography

you stare at him amazed, the choreo included them dancing with a white ribbon connecting the two of them, which should have gotten tangled countless times but didn't

you didn't really want to intrude on the rehearsal, so you leave him a can of coffee with a post-it note on it by the stage

“I believe I owe you a coffee, don't forget to rest, I believe in you, fighting!-y/n :)”

Minghao is internally screaming at how cute you are when he reads it

“JUST ASK HER OUT ALREADY AND STOP BOTHERING ME.”

Jun's trying to work on the choreo and practically yells at Minghao who’s told the guys the story for like the fifth time

"Ok but isn't she so cute? 'don't forget to rest, I believe in you'"

"Minghao, I called this remember?" Jun say laughing

Minghao smacks him on the arm again

so Minghao decides to finally gather up the courage

with you sitting in the desk next to him in lit

your knees inches away from each other

“Hey y/n wanna grab a dinner after the show or something?”

“Depends.” you say heart beat steadily increasing

“On what?” Minghao says trying to keep his cool

“On whether it’s a date or not.” you want to scream at yourself, where did this courage come from?!?!

“And if it is?” he smiles

“I’d be happy to.”

and when you're filming the show that night, Minghao catches your eyes while waiting in the wings on stage left

and shoots you a wink

which nearly causes you to drop your camera

and you see him getting smacked by Jun

after the show, he brings you backstage

"Got the gardening club to get me these" he says handing you a small bunch of white carnations

"Aw they're beautiful."

"I ended up doing a lot of research on the significance of flowers thanks to a lit project, white carnations mean sweet and lovely." he smiles shyly

"They also mean pure love." you say smiling

"Yea, well... they're just flowers to celebrate a show well-done." he coughs blushing

"Let's go for dinner, shall we?"

when all the other music majors found out

it was chaos

"HONESTLY Y/N DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUSIC MAJORS HAVE ATTACKED ME TODAY WITH QUESTIONS?" your friend from the media production course asked you

"It's like some celebrity is dating you or something from this response!" she says shaking her head

and whenever you walk to the humanities building

Minghao bounds up and takes your hand

in front of both the departments

so you have the music majors screaming at Minghao

and the media studies majors cheering you on

it's a mess

but Minghao just shrugs it off and wraps an arm around you

"Want to grab a coffee before lit?"

"Sure" you laugh

and he holds your hand as you both make your way to the student café

and the both of you lay on the lawn after sipping your lattes

hands intertwined staring up at the clouds in the sky

"Look, they look like white carnations." you smile and point up at a cluster of clouds

just enjoying the light breeze of a spring day

when he pulls you closer until you're laying on his arm

and kisses your forehead

"Sweet and lovely just like you."

MASTERLIST

[canaryatlaw]

it’s 2 am and I’m tired so idk if this will be short or if I’m gonna end up rambling about emotions. today was fine I guess. I woke up to my alarm at 8, and quickly realized I definitely didn’t need to wake up that early in order to be on call at 8:30, I can definitely do that in 15 minutes, so that’s good to know. I just kinda hung out for the morning, watched an episode of the monsta x “x-ray” show where they just make the band members do ridiculous things and it’s hilarious. otherwise I was mostly trying to ignore things on the internet for obvious reasons. once my shift was over at 1, friend came over and we had late brunch because we like that, and then watched The Social Network, which is one of friend’s favorite movies, and I had never seen before, so that was interesting. I did like the set up with it all taking place in depositions, even if that meant I had to point out all the legal errors they made in their depiction, but I did like the movie. then got bubble tea which was great and watched Legally Blonde the musical because it’s fabulous and I know the entire show backwards and forwards lol (and of course I had to point out all the legal inaccuracies in that too, because that’s just me as a person). so that was enjoyable. I did have to field one work call during it, still working out how all of the procedure is here, but since it was late in the day we set up an appointment to give remote services on Monday, idk if it’ll be me or not because the client is a spanish speaker and it’s obviously easier to have our attorney that speaks spanish handle it, but we also have several staff members who can translate, so we’ll see what happens. after legally blonde we ordered dinner from the Thai place we like. We’d gone there not long before the lockdown was put into place, and it was like a ghost town, pretty much entirely empty, when that’s never been the case before when we go on weekday nights all the time. Since people suck, we kinda figured it was people being shitty and racist and refusing to get food from them due to the sheer fact that they’re Asian, even from an entirely different country than where this actually started, and we like the place a lot- there’s a kid (’kid”) who mans like the entrancing and a lot of the wait staff work, we figured he was probably someone’s son (he’s like around 20 I guess?) but we’ve built up a really good rapport with him (it pretty much happens at any place we regularly go to, lol) so we definitely wanted to support them during this, and we hoped that the kid would see the order being placed and know it had to be us, because we order the same thing every time which he has memorized at this point, so I hope at least he saw that and it brought a smile to his face. We’ve been trying really hard to patronize local businesses with delivery and such (though we sometimes use mcdonalds for coffee/coke just because they’re cheap and super quick being that it’s just down the street a bit), so I can at least appreciate that. while we were waiting for the food and once we got it we were watching jeopardy, which there are a disappointingly lack of many episodes on netflix, they have like 33 seasons or something ridiculous like that and there’s like, 15 episodes on netflix, which is just sad. They’re organized though by “collection” of people that one a series of episodes, and we had watched all the other episodes so we were watching this one with this lady that was the champion just annoyed the shit out of us and we were ragging on her the whole time, only for the episode she finished on to end with a statement that winning jeopardy had been a lifelong goal for her, and nobody knew that while they were filming she actually had stage 4 cancer, and passed away before the episodes were played, and of course then we were like WELL SHIT that was a plot twist to say the least, so now I feel bad about ragging on her, but oh well. friend headed home once we finished eating, and I watched another episode of x-ray but then got tired of reading subtitles and watched more of Hunters on amazon prime video, which is really damn good so far. so I did that for a bit then eventually switched over to Jimmy Kimmel, which I watched until the end of the episode, then showered and started getting ready for bed, and now I am here. so, those are the actual things I did today.

emotionally, of course, was on a whole other level. I have this very specific feeling that I had when I was in college and my best friend back home tried to kill herself and was then locked in a psych ward where I couldn’t communicate with her at all, and of course, I was trapped 500 miles away when all of this was happening. that very specific feeling of things are terrible and I’m not okay at all but there’s absolutely nothing I can actually do about it. I spoke with my mom on the phone this morning. she didn’t really have any updates, but said the doctors had said over the next couple days they should be able to find out where this is going, which is I guess kinda promising but also kinda scary. my mom was of course saying things weren’t going to go bad because so many people are praying for him. and this is where I feel like I’m having a bit of a crisis of faith going on here. I never really understood when people were angry at God that their loved ones passed away, it’s just what happened, and I definitely did not think I would ever feel that way, and yet here I am having the same questions. Because like, yes, prayer is great and appreciated, but people pray all the times and people still die all the time. there was a recent situation with a youngish guy from my parents’ church going through a long health battle, and he had so many people constantly praying him for months and months....and then he died about a month ago, leaving behind an incredibly distraught wife who’s now a widow. and I’m just like, how can I expect prayer to influence the outcome here and be a reason why I think it can’t go badly when I see people who were prayed for in abundance and yet still died. it does remind me of a quote from C.S. Lewis which is something along the lines of “I don’t pray because it changes God, I pray because it changes me” and I guess that’s what I should be focusing on? and yes, of course God has a plan and his timing is perfect even when we can’t see it, and I’ve seen that play out in my life so many times, when I was crying out to God screaming where are you, and looking back I can see he was right there the entire time, he was just out of the frame that I could see at the time. and everything I’ve been taught is telling me I need to trust God and know his plan is for the best (all things work to the good of those who please him, for who are called according to his purpose- Romans 8:28). It’s just....when it’s your life being affected, everything is different. I never begrudged God when all of my grandparents died, they were old and that’s just what happens. But I’m just.....I’m not ready to let go of him. I can’t do this without him here. and the idea that God’s perfect plan involves taking him away from me, even if it makes sense in the long run, is just not something I can deal with right now. sigh. I don’t know where I’m going with any of this. I did make a facebook post about it, then ignored my phone for 2 hours so I didn’t have to see the constant notifications of people commenting pop up when each well meaning comment just reminds me of all of this. Of course there were a ton of comments, and I was really caught between knowing I should appreciate every prayer and well wishes from anyone, or feeling like if you haven’t spoken to me in the last 10 years you’re clearly not invested at all in my life and I don’t need your pity, or you getting to feel better about yourself because you left a comment. I’ve done a good amount of crying over the past few days too. okay, it’s almost 3 am and I’ve been writing this massive post for an hour now, which is definitely a sign I should end this here before I end up rambling even more, so that’s what I will do. Goodnight friends. Hope you enjoy your weekend and stay safe.

[promisedangel]

The Dark Spiral

This is a paid commission for an irl friend of mine who asked me to take as many moments from his fight with depression as possible and weave it into a small tale with a special, not real so don’t worry, end. I admit this is a lot more fragmented than my usual work, but vignettes are really all I could dig up.

Enjoy

It started off with just a question from myself, “James… are you okay?” I looked at my friend across the table, his head facedown and nested in his arms. He mixed a whine and a moan, “I’m fine.” I knew better. We knew better. Behind me, I felt her materialize. My beloved creation. My genie, Clara. Only I could see her currently. She whispered in my ear, her long silver hair draped past, “It’s the same as you.” She was right. The disinterest in the Pokémon TCG league around him, of which he was an unofficial gym leader, the lack of focus... This was depression. The same kind I suffered.

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The ongoing weeks showed many more signs. Lack of interest, appetite, and aloofness for anything other than myself or Clara. He ended up quitting his gym leader position and began to go to league less often. He at first said he didn’t have money for the bus, but then we worried after three straight weeks of not going. Thankfully, his mother saw what was happening. She signed him up for therapy. He confided in me in person, “Hey… could you not tell anyone yet that I’m going to therapy? I just…” He sighed, “I just don’t want anyone else to know yet.” I frowned, “Okay…” He smiled, “My first appointment is the 30th. Can… you be there for support?” I grimace, “I dunno if they’ll let me in… I’m not family…” “I’m sure we can think of something.” “…I’ll be there.” He gave a look of relief, “Thanks, Amy.” The day comes, and the homework I have is mountainous. I try to focus on it, try to get some of it done. After a few hours, I feel confident enough to take a break. I notice the time. I remember and panic. I begin to cry, “No…” I want to confide myself with someone, but I remember my promise. I quickly pull out my phone and text James in a panic, “I’m so sorry I was wrapped up in my homework that I totally forgot! T.T you’re probably in session right now or about to be. Gods, this is horrible of me.” I get a text back from James, “We’re here…” I continue with tears streaming down my face, “I don’t know if I could do anything there, I would be so late, gods the one time I don’t set an alarm is always the most important things!” I pause, I can feel Clara try to physically console me, but it goes right through my back. Forever a ghost on my plane of existence. She silently resigns herself to watch as I text James again while in sobs, “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry…” Through my sobs, I hear Clara, “You… can still go…” I sniffle and close in on myself, “But-“ Clara floats in front of me from above, her face curious, but playful, “You can be there when he gets out. That’s something. You pushed for him to go to therapy. Sure, his mom noticed, but you were the one poking him about it. You did all this to help him, right?” I sigh and wipe my tears, “Yeah.” “So, don’t beat yourself up about it so much.” She smiled. I ended up going after all.  I gave James a hug after he got out and congratulated him on this first big step. Yet, there were still so many bumps along the way.

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He began to be more aloof at league, often not playing any games or even conversing with our friends. I texted him as I arrived at league, “U coming today?” He responded simply, “No….” “Why?” I could only imagine the sigh, “No money for the bus is the main reason. Also just meh…” Thinking he was done, I responded, “K.” He wasn’t finished, “I’m just losing interest in coming to league now. Seems like a waste of money every week. Anyway, don’t worry about me, I’m not that important anymore. Have fun at league.” I frown, “U r important.” “Doesn’t seem like it…” I feel at the loss of how to respond, so I end up not doing so. I find time to enjoy the TCG league, but he texted me later, “Well, once again, I make a mistake in life… should have came to league instead of staying home… or just stayed in my room…” I roll my eyes, “See? Isolation makes things worse.” “No… I shouldn’t have gone and played basketball… would have been safer to stay at home honestly…” I panicked, even Clara was now focused on the text, “Oh shit, what happened?!” “I got hit in the face not once… but twice.” I lightly hit my head on the table around me and groan. I whisper to Clara and myself, “Really?!” Clara sighed and pouted, “Why did your mind jump to a broken limb?” “Because that’s how my mind works.” She shrugged as I continue the text conversation, “Oh…” He explained the incident, “Once while on defense, got popped hard on the chin. Surprised I’m still standing to be honest… the other I didn’t see someone pass the ball back to me, didn’t expect it and well… yeah.” “It happens.” “If I stayed home, wouldn’t have happened. I’m back in the safety of my home though now.” “Did you get some ice on it?” “No… I don’t think it’s hurting that bad… yet… who knows…” I let it go, tempted to respond again, but knew it wasn’t worth it. But these sorts of put-downs continued from him. The sense of uselessness and loss of agency still remained. Therapy was only once a month at best. All the while, he locked himself in his home, often not going to league or even attempting to find something to do.

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He found some comfort in talking to Clara. It was an interesting experience to have the genie either whisper in my ear or possess my body to talk/text directly. One day, I allowed her to occasionally control my hands from a distance as James texted his almost trademarked greeting via text, “Mew…” “Hi.” “What’s up, Clara?” My hands began to move by themselves, even as the genie was far away. Clara typed out, “The sky? But I’m also kinda high up atm. Flying is great when you don’t have to worry about planes!” “At least you’re having more fun than the sack of flesh I am.” “I’m sure you’re having fun! Amy’s being boring and surfing the web while using the tv.” “I’m going grocery shopping with my mom and uncle…” I could feel Clara’s tinges of disappointment, “Well, it’s doing something.” He texted hints he would say this in mumbles, “Still wish I was in an eternal sleep…” Clara texted back immediately, “No.” “Why?” I felt her pained tone, her voice began to echo in my mind. I was now focused on the conversation, “It’s horrible.” “Can’t be that horrible.” Clara immediately jumped into my body. She spoke with my own voice, “Sorry, Amy. He keeps asking… he has to know…” I sighed, able to speak myself, “Go ahead.” Clara nodded before she texted him, her eyes lit crimson like fire. Her inner voice rang darkly yet sensual, as though it was someone else’s voice, “What you are wishing for will not help. In fact, it would only compound your problems. Putting your soul in an eternal sleep will only cause you to live your life over and over again while you sleep. You would never escape the torment.” There was a pause, which gave Clara a chance to calm down. The fire died down, but she continued, “Anyway, if you put your soul to sleep it will merely repeat not just your current life, but you could possibly delve into worse lives.” “Okay… sorry if I offended you, Clara… seems like I put both of you through a living nightmare with all my problems.” The fire inside Clara rekindled briefly. Her tone turned cruel as she gave a condescending laugh, “Your problems are a living nightmare? Do you remember what kind of character development you helped Amy form for me?!” I push Clara out of the conversation, unconsciously texting James as well, “What is wrong with you?!” Clara huffed as her eyes slowly fade away from crimson to their normal blue. I spoke to her only, “Stay there, I’m going to examine you after this.” I turn back to the text to see he has responded, “She’s right, though. Besides, you two have been taking care of me for almost a year now. I probably owe you so much.” I sigh, “You don’t owe us anything.” Clara chimed in once more, now calmer, “Just look for happiness, that would be more than enough.” “Well… you both make me happy… and well... video games.” I start to smile again, “See? Talking to people always feels good!” “I suppose it’s working for now…” Clara quickly took the texting power into her hands and wrote, “It always does. Humans are social creatures, and yes there are introverts, but there is a difference between introversion and self-imposed isolation.” I shiver slightly, I text and speak, “You sound like a psych ward.” James texted back, “Amazed they haven’t sent me there yet.” I grimace, “Those are for panic attacks and extreme cases. Your condition is not in that league. Granted, if it continues downward, it will.” “Yeah, you’re right.”

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James’s depression continued. I began to think of ways to get him out of his house all of the time. I started driving him to league and encouraged him to seek out new activities. We texted each other one night, he texted, “Tomorrow marks 2 weeks… one week from my next appointment…” I text back, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” “Doubt it… still haven’t done the homework she wanted me to do… doubt it’ll ever get done… and I just don’t know anymore about this whole thing.” I remember my trepidation to my own therapist and decide to give some advice, “It always sucks at first, but you will progress with time. Since you have a couple appointments a month technically, give it a couple months. And if it’s not helping maybe another therapist will be able to help.” “I don’t have a couple months though to wait… by then I’ll be like… 20 feet under and my life in worse shape. Why can’t we just agree that there’s a problem with me and I’m a hopeless case?” I groan and rub my temples. We’ve had this song and dance before. I growl lightly as I text, “You’re not a hopeless case. That’s how I felt at first. And I swear to god if you are seriously contemplating suicide I will never forgive you. I will reach into whatever afterlife you go to and I will slap you so hard, you will have a bruise in your next life.” “I doubt I could do something like that. I’d just hide in a dark hole for the rest of my life... All I know is that my future is dim and my options are very slim.” “Then look for new options, seek them out. You could search for a part-time job until you figure something out.” “But this whole thing was to figure out if I could hold down a job…” “It’ll get you out of the house, and give you some money. Look. There are some positions available at my work. Can you put in one application?” “I don’t know how.” “I’d obviously help you…” “Oh.” I could hear the deep sigh, “Fine... Only because you keep bugging me about it…” He applied, and I helped him along the way. He ended up getting a job in the department next to mine. I felt good that I could keep an eye on him. He seemed to do well. It was only a little over a week after he started that he asked me to take him home. Everything was okay at first, but he suddenly bent over and began to sob. I speak, “Whoa?! What’s wrong?!” He sobs, “I’m so useless!” “Wait, what happened?!” “Why does everyone think I’m good at my job when I’m shit?” I raise a brow, “But, you’re doing well! Your boss—heck, my boss likes you!” “But I’m barely doing anything!” I begin to sound upset, “You’re new! You’ve only been here just a week. They all know the struggle and can help you!” He just continued to cry. I sigh, “Just… let it out…” At safe spots, I occasionally rubbed his back during the drive to help calm him down.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Everything was getting worse. He wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t eat. I sent Clara to console him, as some nights he would cry himself to sleep. Though he could not touch her, they could see and talk to her. He sighed, laying at the edge of his bed, “I don’t know what to do anymore…” Clara crooked her head, confused, “Don’t you have to sleep for work tomorrow?” James covered his face and curled slightly, “I don’t want to go to work.” “But, you have to, right? So you can get money, right?” “I don’t… want to suffer through this life anymore.” Clara floated above him with a pout, “But you don’t suffer.” “Yes, I do.” “Maybe just your mind…” James was silent for a moment, deep in thought. Chara gave a curious look, “What’cha thinking about?” “You… can grant wishes… right?” “Well I am a genie!” “Then... can you affect my soul?” Clara hesitated, “…Yes.” His eyes gained confidence. He sat up and spoke clearly, “I want you to transform me into a character in your world.” Clara looked upset, “Why? Why would you want to just give up your life? It’ll be harder in my world-“ He nearly yelled, “I don’t care!” Clara jumped back slightly. He calmed down and began to sob, “I just… can’t take it anymore.” Clara sighed, “What about Amy?” He groaned, “Shit, she’ll never forgive me-“ He perked up, “Wait! You could clone my soul!” Clara looked unsure, “I guess… I could split your soul in half… have one half keep the memories… then I could do it. But, you’d lose yourself…” James smiled, “Sounds perfect. Clara. I wish for you to do all that.” Clara sighed. Magic began to dance around her and James until it focused on him. He felt a sharp pain in his chest before he felt his soul dragged from his body, which fell on the bed, unconscious. In her hands, Clara split the soul in two, keeping the memories in one. She shoved that half back into James’s body. It breathed heavily but remained unconscious. Clara looked at the soul in her hand and frowned. It looked familiar. A portal opened next to her and she smiled, “I guess this is really the first time we met. See you later, Chingu.” She tossed the soul into the portal before it closed and she immediately fainted.

[jimintomystery]

Slate is a really great website that made me very happy

Psych, actually Slate just pissed me off, and they’re making me work to tell you about it, so strap yourselves in.

They’ve got a story called “How Star Trek’s Transporter Could Really Work.”

This got my attention because usually pieces like this are about how the Star Trek transporter wouldn’t work.  I think anybody who cares about this sort of thing knows the drill by now–disassembling a person atom-by-atom would kill them, reassembling the atoms would only create a copy, it wouldn’t work anyway because of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, etc., etc.  But hell, maybe Slate has some new twist on this idea.  Spoiler alert: The headline lies, the article is about how Star Trek’s transporter would never ever work, Slate can jump up my ass.

So I was gonna bitch about this on Twitter.  I was going to paste a link, which would display the misleading headline, and add a caption like “No it wouldn’t #SavedYouAClick”  But hey, funny thing about the metadata that gets piped in when you embed this link on Twitter:

Now the article is entitled: “One of Star Trek’s Best Scenes Was Very Wrong, but It Still Anticipated the Future.”  So yeah, when you share the link, Slate doesn’t want anybody to see the headline that duped you into clicking it in the first place. 

I don’t know what purpose that serves, except to make it more difficult to complain about the misleading headline.  Slate has miscalculated, however, in that making it more difficult has incited me to complain harder.

At this point you may be wondering what the article actually says.  Well, I’m sure you’ll be delighted to know it mostly says “watch this video, because it’s not like you’re on the train or in the office or anything.”

The video just runs through all the boilerplate “the transporter doesn’t make sense” stuff I’ve been reading since I was 15.  They always get some professional scientist to do this shit, as if things like “taking someone apart causes death” and “television isn’t real” require a doctorate to understand.  The guy explains that it’d be easier to transmit the information about your atoms to another set of atoms, as if this is the breakthrough that would make the transporter halfway plausible, but then immediately shoots down his own idea with the Heisenberg uncertainty principle.

Look, here’s the thing: The only people who give a shit if the transporters on Star Trek could really work are superdorks like me, and I think I can speak for all of us when I say we all know what the Heisenberg uncertainty principle is.  Setting that group aside, everybody else just wants to know when we can instantly travel from New York to Paris, and doesn’t care whether the underlying technology happens to resemble some old TV show or folds space into a miniature wormhole.  So quibbling about dematerialization/rematerialization is at best tedious and at worst missing the point.

The only halfway novel point the video makes is that, yes, the Star Trek writers knew about Heisenberg and took it into account by revealing that the transporter has “Heisenberg compensators.”  I appreciate that because these pieces are usually like “here’s my snide 37-part proof that Star Trek doesn’t know how to science!” which overlooks that the show literally has a “science-turny-offy” button baked into the premise.  So bravo for just acknowledging that point in under 150 seconds.  Unfortunately, the video brings it up to conclude that “you cannot make a transporter,” which is the exact fucking opposite of what you said in the headline, you jackasses.

The video also mentions quantum teleportation of a single atom in a carefully controlled state.  I mean, I guess.  But it’s like promising to take a kid on an adventure and then handing them a book because “the real adventure is the magic of reading!”  Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

Then the guy wraps up by returning to his quantum fax machine idea, talking about making unlimited copies of people and storing backup copies and where the soul would be.  Gosh, those sure would be interesting ramifications of storing all the quantum-level information about a person, except oh wait, you already told us that’s as unworkable as the transporter.  So now you’re just wasting my time with debunked shit that isn’t even from a popular TV show.

Look, I’m not the guy from Galaxy Quest that just desperately wants to be told Star Trek really happened and all the technology is legit.  But I am interested in scientific breakthroughs, and the idea that we might be one discovery away from the Standard Model becoming as incomplete and backward as classical mechanics or alchemy.  I’m not counting on that to happen, but it’s not impossible, so it’s a thing that gets my attention. 

So when I see a story about how the transporter might really work, I immediately wonder if there’s been some paradigm shift regarding the uncertainty principle or quantum teleporting, and Star Trek is just being used as a metaphor to help people understand it.  And it really pisses me off when such articles just phone in a tired old gag about how science fiction sounds plausible but totally isn’t.  That’s not news, and it isn’t even good pop-culture analysis.  And Slate must know this, because they sure wanted me to click the link but they suuure didn’t want to make it easy to tell anyone why that was a mistake.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 12x21 “There’s Something About Mary”

in which i lose my shit for a full hour, reach peak despair, trigger temporary depression, and then proceed to watch in lowkey sarcasm mode with emotions switched off!!!! what fun

08:46pm

...........buckleming episode

instead of watching this, did i put it off for three hours? did i pet our new dog at length (a rescue staffordshire bull terrier cross, who we have named seven!!! after seven of nine from star trek: voyager. yes, like the number 7.), watch half an episode of columbo with my family, have a shower, and then watch 35 minutes of dan and phil playing that horse prince game ?

quite possibly

(read: yes)

sidenote: i just googled “staffordshire bull terrier” and found a picture. seven looks almost exactly like this, including the lil white socks ~ SHE’S SO SWEET and she passed her Good Dog Test so she gets to stay with us now!~ (my sister found her abandoned on our road, vet said she’d been kept with pigs, her leg was broken and didn’t heal right. and she’s an adult but hadn’t been registered to anyone. FINDERS KEEPERS)

new doggo > a brad buckner + eugenie ross-leming episode EVERY TIME

post-episode addition: oh look how much life i had in me before this

-

08:58pm

why does wikipedia say the next two episodes are both airing on may 18th

i guess it’s a double-bill finale

-

08:59

URGH okay fiiiiine i’mma watch this now

the preview made the script seem okay but i’m guessing that the better writer wrote that bit

-

also! @cassammydean and i were talking about the last episode, and we realised that i’d misinterpreted that final scene.

it looked (to me) like, while mary was tied up, her phone rang, and ketch went over to it. then the camera panned up and ketch had turned into toni. and i legit thought ketch and toni were the SAME PERSON (shapeshifter maybe) and i got to expressing how cool that was, and how that brought back the ~gay subtext~ from 11x23 with the rainbow light on toni’s face, because if ketch=toni, and ketch bangs mary, then that’s kinda non-heterosexual since gender isn’t a defined thing for ketch=toni

EXCEPT

i realised i’d seen it all wrong. ketch starts to move over to mary’s phone, but then camera pans up, and toni comes in from the oTHER SIDE and answers it. she’s wearing the same grey suit as ketch was. I WAS TRICKED BY THE COSTUME CHOICES. they were both in the room, ketch in front of mary, toni behind her, wearing the same suit.

and i’m still kinda bummed because if ketch=toni that would’ve been really cool imo

-

09:09

oh no eileen is in this episode

I DON’T WANT HER TO DIE

WHO LET THE DEADLY DUO WRITE THIS

PLEASE DON’T DIE HORRIBLY EILEEN I LOVE YOU YOU’RE SO IMPORTANT

SHE AND SAM NEED TO BE TOGETHER

IF SHE DIES IN THIS EPISODE I WILL TEAR THROUGH MY LAPTOP SCREEN, SWIM ACROSS THE OCEAN INSIDE A CABLE, POP UP THROUGH THE DEADLY DUO’S COMPUTER SCREENS AND PULL OUT ALL THEIR HAIRS ONE BY ONE

INCLUDING THEIR EYELASHES

post-episode edit: is there a wikihow article for this i’d like to give it a go

-

09:13

NO NO NO NO NO

PLEASE GOD NO

-

please let her still be alive dear god no

-

i’m fucking shaking i can’t watch this

;A;

-

09:15

NO BAD PUPPY

MY DOG IS BETTER THAN YOUR DOG, KETCH

fuck you, up the nose with a cactus

-

09:16

are you ever just nauseous because the deadly duo not only exist in this world, but write for a show that deserves so much better

-

09:18

IT FUCKING HURTS MY FEELINGS THAT DEAN CHECKS BEHIND THE SHOWER CURTAIN FOR A BLOODY CORPSE OF THE PEOPLE HE LOVES

FROM ANY OTHER WRITER I’D BE LIKE “OH HE’S SCARRED BY HIS MEMORIES THIS IS AN INTERESTING AND HEARTBREAKING CHARACTER THING”

BUT FROM THESE TWO I’M LIKE “OH THANKS FOR RUBBING IT IN OUR FACES YOU MISOGYNISTIC ASSPRICKS”

-

///BREATHES INTENSELY

-

09:21

look

have i ever made it clear that these writers make me very angry

BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME SO FUCKING ANGRY

-

09:23

sam gets worried when he hears from jody

my heart just dropped

fuck

if any other favourite charatcters are dead

i swear to god i’m 

i don’t even know i’m 

please

no

i think i need to ragequit before this fucks me up because i can feel it coming

-

09:25

eileen

-

welp that’s it i’mma cry

if there is a fucking petition to get these writers fired and/or assassinated i want to know about it

-

...i’m not crying

i’m 

a n g r y

//sits and stares at my screen

i hate them.

 i hate them.

why

what the fuck do they think they’re doing

ugh i’m exhausted already

i’m so tired of these writers, and specifically these ones. the rest of the season is fine. it’s the fact these fuckheads have 5 episodes a season and they clearly take extreme pleasure in sucking the joy out of a show that fuels a community of people. they kill the characters we love IN THE MOST DISTRESSING WAY POSSIBLE with no sensitivity whatsoever

it fucking disgusts me, okay

they’re not just bad writers, they’re clearly horrible people

there’s no kindness or redemption on their stories, they’re literally just trying to torture us (NOT A COMPLIMENT), and i’m sure they feel gleeful when they see people crying (if they even look up fan responses, which i doubt, given the years of complaints and constructive criticism they’ve clearly ignored)

listen, i’m no stranger to feeling good when my work affects someone, all right. neither am i a stranger to killing beloved characters for emotional effect, but sweet jesus theRE’S ALWAYS A BETTER WAY TO DO IT THAN A COLD OPEN WHERE A BELOVED CHARACTER WHO REPRESENTS SO MUCH TO SO MANY PEOPLE HAS NO LINES AND IMMEDIATELY GETS TORN TO FUCKING SHREDS

the list of things they’ve ruined on this show is so long i need that gif of crowley unrolling his scroll across the floor

idk what to do now. do i want to watch this? no. fuck no.

am i gonna watch anyway just to get it out of the way so i can never watch this shit again? yeah fine why the fuck not my evening is already ruined

(ha, and my mother always asks why i don’t rewatch the show with the family. because of these writers.)

-

09:43

this has taken me an hour and i’m 4 minutes in

what a waste of my life

-

09:44

i dont have words

how dare they do this to sam

-

09:45

i feel sick

i’m so tired

..........i kinda wanna die

man i really wish i had a friend here who i could hug and talk shit about these writers with

-

09:47

sam: “i wannA PUNCH SOMETHING IN THE FACE”

you and me both dude

can we write “buckleming” on a dartboart and blow a round of bullets through it

-

09:53

jesus christ this is a clusterfuck of triggers

i wanna go home

-

09:54pm

well i’m 9 minutes in, this is so hard to watch and i’m goddamn tired

i wanna stop honestly

the only good thing i can say about this is that the director (p. j. pesce) is good, the shots are visually interesting, and the pacing of the editing is not something i’ve noticed on this show before

i dunno whether just to take a break or what

i don’t want to come back and have to watch this next week

i wish this didn’t exist

-

the problem is i’m invested in the overall story. over the years i keep compelling myself to quit this show because of these writers, but ultimately i keep coming back because i love the characters so much

i can’t just stop

but every time i pause this video file, my brain blanks out and the world is peaceful again

i wonder if it’s possible for just this episode to trigger depression? because i’m so empty right now

-

10:00pm

yup i’mma take a break and come back to this in a bit

-

10:04

just thinking, while looking over the list of spn episodes and their writers

if i wasn’t part of the spn fandom, and didn’t check which writer wrote what, i’d dislike this show just because of these writers, and i wouldn’t even realise it was the same writers over and over.

the kind of shit they write is exactly what puts me off a show. shows like ‘castle’ or ‘the x files’ or ‘psych’ are good overall, but occasionally they’ll have a problematic thing that i can ignore for one episode, recognising that it’s a one-off writer, and i’ll stick with the show. but spn has those kind of issues four or five times a season, when these two are writing - and not in a small way, either. if i was a casual watcher, i’d have ragequit already, thinking it was just how the show is.

and i’d probably vote this show 3/10 and never watch it again

just because of these two writers

-

10:19pm

i’m back

i shall eat some things with sugar in them

and tell myself It’s Okay!! They’re Just Fictional Characters!!

YEAH!!!

..........NOPE

they’re fictional charatcters and they mean a lot to me and other people and the writers are basically killing our friends so

YEAH LET’S DO THIS 

c: C: C:

/sarcastic smile

me: haha fuck you

-

10:24

do we praise them for canonising john’s abuse

-

10:25

“repealed and replaced”

well that’s another way to set my blood boiling

-

10:27

current emotion: middle finger up

-

10:29

oh look a black guy

let’s see... bad guy, dead guy or doormat?

my money’s on all three

-

10:33

that line would’ve been cooler if crowley said “dagon dead and gone”

-

10:34

“the winchesters’ love slave, castiel”

*steeples fingers and peers over the rims of my glasses*

hm

-

10:38

i see dean and i just wanna go up to him and rest my forehead on his chest

and just be for a while

we’ve all been through too much

-

10:39

don’t worry sam i’mma write a fic someday where you and eileen live happily ever after

-

10:41

the sam x telescope porn vid is alive and well

-

10:43

black demon: bad guy + doormat

somehow not dead yet!!!

-

10:44

how and why do crowley and lucifer have dna

also.... is hell a physical place ?

-

10:49

YEAH MARY !!! SHOOT HIM !!!

-

...or...not

-

10:52

oh look another black guy with a gun

bad guy, dead guy, or doormat?

...bad guy, managed to escape death

!!!! oh boy how exciting !!!

-

10:53

dean to toni, who just kneed him in the nuts: “you keep that up, we’re gonna have to start dating”

uhhhhhhhh

masochist!dean or unnecessary heterosexual reminder ?

let’s go with the former

(he reacts the same way to dudes. like that time a dude vampire said “on your knees” and dean’s flirt-o-meter went to 11)

-

10:58

for real, this crowley + lucifer monologue in the dungeon storyline is the single most uninteresting storyline this season

-

11:03

jody and claire aren;t dead

nope

NOPE.

*raises seventeen more middle fingers*

-

11:08

look if everyone’s dead i just hope the world ends in the season finale and the next season is set in heaven where all the characters are happy to team up and fight demons and angels and monsters in purgatory

-

11:11

crowley’s actually gonna die this time isn’t he

-

11:13

everything is so anticlimactic

-

11:17

THE LIL BOUNCY RAT WHO IS OBVIOUSLY CROWLEY IN SECRET

my favourite thing so far

and chances are that wasn’t buckleming’s idea since that plotline extends past this one episode. same for the black demon who isn’t dead yet

-

11:19pm

it’s over

i’m sure you all noticed how absurd those plot devices were. magical reversible-polarity puppet lucifer. mind control mary. dean and sam who don’t actually do anything except drive around looking sad and walking into traps. magical oxygen-sucking bunker which apparently they can’t shut off from the inside??? like if the bunker’s gonna have an air-sucking feature why the fuck does it take 3 days? i assume it would exist as an emergency suicide thing but SURELY THAT WOULD WORK QUICKER

ONE BIG OLD THUMBS DOWN MEH FUCK THIS

okay bye i don’t care 1/10

i hope y’all have a better day than me. i’m gonna eat something, drink some tea, eat some chocolate, and watch jenna marbles do something weird with fake eyelashes or safiya nygaard wearing clear jeans in public

-

12:02am

(also, just in case-- you don’t need to worry about me. honestly i’m better now it’s over, this was just hell to get through. there is a smile on my face and i’m looking forward to not doing anything taxing for the rest of the night.)

eta: why is there a rat in hell? is it a demon rat? a bad rat who sold his soul?

[jayankles]

Not J2

Pairing: Dean x Plus size!Reader → Dean x Bailey[Me :)] - Platonic

Word Count: 3525

Warnings: Mentions of blood and gore, Language.

A/N – for @mrswhozeewhatsis #Not An April Fool’s Joke Challenge. Everyone received the same prompt - Your doorbell rings, and when you answer it, Sam and Dean Winchester are standing there in all of their denim-wrapped glory. Sam gives you the most effective set of puppy eyes you’ve ever seen and says, “[insert your name here], thank God you’re home. We need you.” They are not actually Jared and Jensen sent by your friend as an April Fool’s joke, they really are Sam and Dean Winchester, and they really need your help to save their hunt. - I kinda changed it a little tiny bit but it still makes sense. It was so hard to write in the first person.

Adjusting the thick black rimmed glasses on my face, I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes, not wanting to continue the torture that was studying. Papers were scattered across the dining room table, some information going straight to my long term memory with enough rehearsal, but some of the others were completely missing the mark, becoming a tangled for me not to recall it at all.

A knock at my door sounded, I breathed out a sigh of relief, able to take my burning eyes off of my laptop screen. I opened my door and smiled seeing my best friend, Jessica. Her green floral bag slung over her shoulder, she smiled as she shook a bag of chocolate in my face.

‘God, I love you.’ I said as I took the bag from her grasp and hugged her.

‘Only when I give you food, you whore.’

I strolled past the full table, nodding with a lopsided smile.

‘Too right.’ I walked to my cupboard pulling out three serving bowls, then ambled over to the pantry, a packet of barbeque beef hula hoops and a few tubes of fruit pastels. ‘You think this will hold us over?’

When she didn’t answer me, I turned around, finding her taking selfies and being her natural, vain self. I rolled my eyes as she tilted her head to the side, getting a better angle, pushing the fringe of her bob cut brunette hair, off her face.

‘Are you done feeling yourself? I’m going to need some of your smartness right about now.’

‘Bailey, you know the answer, you just don’t think you do.’

‘Most of the stuff, I’m relatively okay at, at best. But anything biopsychology related is a big no no. Then there’s research methods and approaches. Fucking hate approaches. Stress convieniently stresses me out, aggression I can relate to and I like relationships even though I’ve never been in one. My memory is like a fish...shall I go on?’

Jess laughed, the sound passing through her red coated lips. ‘Nah, I think I got the message.’

‘Proper food’s almost done. My mom’s out and my sister’s are at my grandpa’s. Just you and me, the house to ourselves. Chicken and mash, you good with that?’ I asked as I poured the contents of the food bags out into the bowls.

‘Bibble, I so cool with that. You’re cooking and I get free food.’ She rolled her eyes, taking a seat up at the table. I punched her shoulder lightly before speaking.

‘Good because whether or not you like it or not, I would have rammed it down your throat, you had no other choice in the matter.’ I smiled sweetly.

Twenty minutes after Jess had arrived, the chicken was ready to be served. I had purposely cooked too much chicken for two people. If I’m being honest with you I told her it was for lunch for a few days in the week but I knew that after she left in the morning I would devour the rest of that poor chicken. I rubbed my plump stomach just thinking about it. Fucking skinny bitches. I love her really.

We ate our dinner relatively quickly, needing to retain and learn as much information as possible.

‘EWT...who studied it and what was their procedure?’ Jess asked, reading from her flashcards as I loaded the dishwasher with our empty plates.

‘Uh, that was Loftus, right?’ when she nodded, I continued, ‘it was a lab study of 45 particpants that were split into five groups. They watched a video of a car crash. Each group was given a verb in the misleading question.’

‘What were the verbs?’ She inquired taunting me as she popped a handful of hula hoops in her mouth, then reached for the fruit pastels.

‘Hit, bumped, smashed, contacted and… shit. It began with a “c” right?’

‘Yeah, come on, you know this, Bibble. Gimme another word for hit.’

‘Consti- nope, that has nothing to do with Psych. Lin’ll kill me.’

‘Dude another word for intersected!’

‘Oh god, I do this in maths...oh wait. Collided! Fuck yeah, bitch got it.’

I started to wiggle my shoulders in a little happy dance, Jess joining in quickly after.

‘Look at you knowing shit, but you ain’t done. What was the speed of the cars in the study that the groups gave, and give me supporting studies or AO2 points.’

‘Hit; 32, and smashed was...41 ish?’

‘Actually it was 31.8 and 40.8 but you got the verbs right.’

‘Do you have to be so pedantic?’

‘Duh,’ she winked, ‘supporting studies, go.’

Just as I was about to answer the knocker at my door alerted me of someone’s presence.

‘Be a doll and get that for me.’

‘Uh huh.’

‘Thanks. Love ya.’ I smiled.

‘I know,’

I scoffed, ‘rude.’

When Jess went to the door, I busied myself, flicking the kettle on for another cup of tea, and tiding the table, straightening a few papers before taking my laptop and plugging it in before it died.

‘Uh Bailey.’ Jess’ voice sounded through the hallway a little shaky. I made my way down there to see who was at my door. My breath escaped me as  I saw Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki standing there, in their jeans, flannels and jackets. They looked as if they just walked off of the set of Supernatural still in character.

‘Hi.’

‘Hey.’ they spoke one after the other.

‘Holy shit, you guys are tall...and hot. Damn.’

Jensen looked a bit cocky like he knew exactly how hot he was. When you look like that, though, could anyone blame him.

I turned to Jess, ‘did you do this? You got Jensen and Jared here?’

‘Um no, and a little scared and horny at the same time.’ She whispered.

‘No kiddo. No Jensen and Jared here. Just Sam and Dean Winchester. But Bailey, we need your help.’ “Sam” said.

‘Oh my god. This is a prank, right? Sam and Dean can’t be real, they’re played by Jensen and Jared. This is the Frech Mistake all over again.’

‘Excuse me, what?’ Jared, no Sam, questioned. I didn’t even know what was going on anymore.

‘Sorry, come on in. Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? We can talk about it if I get some tea in me.’

The men walked over the threshold and into my kitchen. I was freaking out and not Jensen but Dean had to make it worse and open his big, stupid, beautiful mouth.

‘Coffee’s perfect, thanks sweetheart.’ His deep voice was making my knees weak, I know cliché, but it was true the bastard just oozed sex appeal. It was wrong for me to fantasize about him, but anyone with eyes knew my pain. The twenty one year age gap didn’t make it better either.

‘What about you Sam? Can I get you anything? And how do you take it’ The last part I directed towards Dean.

‘Black, two sugars.’ I nodded my acknowledgement.

‘Do you have a bottle of water by chance?’

‘Sure do, moose.’

Jess raised an eyebrow at me and I just explained that Moose was Sam’s nickname on the show. She followed me around like a lost puppy as I frantically pulled out a bottle of water from my fridge and gave it to Jessica to give to Sam, while I finished my tea and Dean fucking Winchester’s coffee.

‘So lemme get this straight. You’re really Sam and Dean. And you need my help of all people. I got one question. Why me? I’m nobody, I have no talents where it counts. I can’t- no I don’t run, I can’t fight. I’ve gone through so much shit with my dad’s controlling and possessive behaviour. My mom’s nickname for me is “my little goldfish.” All I’m good at is eating and watching twelve seasons Supernatural in three months. So I ask you again, why me?’

Jess heard the quiver in my voice as I put myself down and talked about my family.

Sam was the one that spoke, ‘Bailey, you are so much more than that. You think that we would be here if you weren’t needed, if you weren’t strong enough, if you weren’t good enough?’ He scrambled from his seat and sat next to me, wrapping a large arm around my shoulder. ‘Apparently, this monster is right up your alley.’

‘Yeah, that’s something I want to hear, a monster made for me to take down. That’s great Sam, just great.’ I sassed as I again adjusted my glasses, ripping them off my face and rubbing my tear stained, red cheeks before putting them back on.

‘Bailey, Garth talks about you and your “mad Disney skills.” We need you on this one.’ Dean interjected.

‘Garth? How can Garth know of me? I don’t even exist in your freaking universe, I barely exist in this universe.’

‘Obviously, he’s heard of you, otherwise we wouldn’t be here.’ I was completely stunned, from what I had deduced from the prior discussion, people were dying because they didn’t know enough about Disney. I was freaking talented at something.

‘What do you need me to do?’ I was determined to be good at something and this was it.

The brothers looked at each other, telepathically speaking, if I was honest with myself I didn’t know whether I was impressed or spooked out.

‘You have to be the bait, answer the questions, then the monster dies itself. It should foam at the mouth and then vanish into thin air. It’s body can’t control itself when its prey gets all the questions right.’ Sam explained, his hand waving around, wildly gesturing in the air.

‘And what if I don’t? I become the bait, get the answers wrong. I die then it moves onto someone else to kill?’

Jess huffed and shook me. ‘You can’t think like that, you’re always pumping out unnecessary Disney information. I know you can do this Bibble. You need to do this and you will not die!’

I changed from my pyjamas into a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt. If I did die I’d rather save my clothes. On the bright side, if I did die, I wouldn’t have to worry about the stress that was hanging over my head to do well in my exams at the end of the college year.

‘I don’t even know what this monster is.’ I whisper shouted as Sam and Dean walked on either side of me into the warehouse, of course it had to be an old, abandoned warehouse. Why couldn’t it be a nicely decorated mansion. I’d be happy to die there. Gosh, I am such a drama queen.

Dean knew what was running through my mind, also my heavy breathing was a give away. He stops and grabs my face in his large callous hands. God this feels good. ‘Alright, sweetheart. You go in there, you answer those questions to the best of your ability and kill that son of a bitch. If we think things are about to go south, we come here guns blazing and we save your ass for as long as we can.’ His hands drop and he nods at me.

‘Great pep talk, thanks Dean. Okay but all jokes aside, you and your brother really make a difference; in any world you are in. You truly are my hero, Dean Winchester.’ Sam coughed. ‘You’re up there too but you’ve ruined my moment so let’s go kill this son of a bitch.’

‘That’s my girl.’ Dean grinned before he nodded to his brother, ‘she’s ready.’

‘Wait, one more thing, actually two. If I don’t make it, tell Jess to tell my family that I love them and second thing. Can I get a hug from the infamous Winchesters?’

‘Sure thing.’ I embraced both the brothers in a side hug each, sandwiched between them before I let go, leaving my fate in the monsters hands.

‘Ten cuts, ten facts. The wounds will heal one by one if you answer the questions correctly.’

‘What! Wait a minute, why are you slicing me up? Can’t you just tie me to a chair?’

‘More suffering on your part. You’ll be free but unable to go anywhere until you answer all the questions, but if you don’t answer them, well, my poor child, I kill you. You die a slow death, so much so that you will beg me to stab a knife into your chest just to stop the pain.’ His voice was sinister as he continued to tell me the types of torture that he would use. Apparently, I wasn’t worth killing straight away and I don’t know whether to be flattered or scared shitless; always the latter.

‘Can we just start so I can kill your ass?’ I huffed as I sat on the floor, playing with a loose thread on my sweatpants. Might as well get comfortable, right?

‘Very well. Let’s begin.’ He flicked his wrist, pain serged through my body as wounds scattered across my limbs and stomach, crimson blood already seeping through my clothes. ‘Who voiced Belle in the original 1991 Beauty in the Beast?’

‘Paige O’Hara.’ I felt the smallest of the wounds close up, no doubt that I gave the correct answer.

‘Which two female villains were voiced by the same person?’

‘Maleficent and Lady Tremaine.’ Another wound healed.

‘Who was WALL-E named after?’

‘Walter Elias Disney.’ Another.

‘Who voiced Scar?’

‘Jeremy Irons’

‘Character with the least lines?’

‘You’d think it would be Sleeping Beauty but it’s Dumbo with no lines at all.

‘What’s so special about the Frozen characters; Sven, Hans, Anna and Kristoff?’

‘Frozen was based off of The Snow Queen written by Hans Christian Anderson rearrange the names. Hans, Kristoff, Anna, Sven – sounds an awful lot like Hans Christian Anderson.’

‘The Beatles were supposed to voice characters in a movie, which characters in which movie was it?’

‘The...it was the – um – it was The Jungle Book. They were supposed to be the vultures.’

‘There’s a Disney theory revolving around Anna, Elsa, Rapunzel, Ariel and Tarzan. What is it?’

‘Anna and Elsa are cousins with Rapunzel through their mothers, they are sisters. When Anna and Elsa’s parent’s go on the ship for two weeks they are supposedly going to Flynn and Rapunzel’s wedding but the thunder strikes, the parents don’t die, they’re washed up on the island and give birth to Tarzan. As for Ariel, the ship she looks around for human thingimabobs, the ship belongs to Anna and Elsa’s parents.’

The more questions that were thrown at me the more pain from the contuisions followed as he continued. I’m not a big fan of pain but then again who was? I couldn’t think straight. I clutched my sides as I got to the last two questions, these last lacerations giving me the most amount of discomfort but I had to do this. I knew the answers and I couldn’t put myself down any longer, not if more people would die after my mistake.

I felt light headed, the ground shaking as I went from the sitting position to curled up in the fetal position. A scream through my throat as he asked the next set of questions

‘Name King Triton’s seven daughters.’

‘Arista, Attina, Adella, Alana, Aquata, Ariel’ These were getting harder and harder, it took me a while to remember all of them and it was my favourite movie, I couldn’t remember the last one until it finally hit me. ‘Andrina.’

If I thought that the pain couldn’t get any worse, I was wrong. The penultimate would healed only for me to feel the transference of pain in my right side.

‘Should’ve worn red, dammit. Fuck I feel like I should’ve studied. Alright, last question, come on, Walt. Hit me with it.’

He asked the final question and my heart dropped. ‘Mary Poppins says that this word is a word to say when you don’t know what to say. How do you say it backwards?’

‘Shit,’ “Walt” smiled. ‘Just give me a second to figure this out. Supercali-Supercalifra-supe-’ I pause for a second, the pain still evident and lingering on my side before I look into his muddy brown eyes and smirked. ‘Docious-ali-expi-istic-fragi-cali-rupus. Suck on that you son of a bitch.’ I breathed. And just as the brothers explained, the monster foamed at the mouth, its sternum started to glow before he exploded, some of its gut landing on my face.

‘Great, just what I needed,’ I whispered before shouting out to the brothers that it was over and if they had a tissue or something to wipe my gut covered face with. I collapsed even further into the floor, the pain a little numb before disappearing completely.

Sweat was forming on my face, combining itself with the guts, before it dribbled down my neck. All my wounds were healed and all I could do was lie there in a daze, waiting for the brothers to come through the door. Sam and Dean came through the door, along with Jess.

‘See Bibble, you didn’t die. Good job you watch all those Disney movies, huh?’ When she came into the light and saw your face, she didn’t hold back her comments. ‘Ew, you look like shit, even more than usual.’

‘Thanks for that, just totally saved your ass and you’re giving my shit.’

‘You know I love you.’

She hugged me despite my disgusting state, ‘yeah, yeah.’

Sam laughed at the banter between Jess and I while Dean pulled out a black bandana from his back pocket and handed it to me.

‘Thanks, how many times you had to do that?’

The older Winchester smirked, ‘too many. Let’s just say that it’s enough to own at least ten of them.’

‘Oh one question. How do I get the blood out?’

The drive back in the impala was a dream come true for me. I was with my best friend, in the backseat of the Winchester’s baby.

When we reached my home, the Winchesters got out first. Sam and Dean respectively opening the doors for Jess and I, walking us to my front door.

‘How do you guys go this on a daily basis? I gotta give you guys credit, you live a crazy life.’ Jess was impressed by the brothers, and they hadn’t even done anything today but she soon realised that the episodes that I made her watch, they endured so much pain physically and emotionally. The brothers smiled again and shared a look. Jess whispered, ‘ do they do that all the time?’ I nodded. ‘Damn.’

‘We ever need you again, we’ll give you a call. And if you ever need us,’ Sam grabbed a card from his jacket pocket, handing it to me. ‘Anytime.’

‘Got it.’ I wrapped my arms around his waist and thanked him once more.

Jess went into the house after she said goodbye to the Winchesters, and Sam made his way over to the impala, leaving Dean and I alone.

‘You’re such a Disnerd!’

I punched his shoulder, ‘shut up, I saved...well, myself and future vics and aren’t you the one that’s always referencing Star Wars or anything pop culture.’

‘No, maybe, shut up.’

‘Mmm. That’s what I thought.’ Raising my eyebrows and smirking at him. ‘You heading back to the bunker?’

‘Yeah, ‘bout a three days drive.’

I tsked at Dean, asking him to follow me into the kitchen. ‘That’s what I was afraid of. Good job I’m a fat ass who cooked too much food.’

I pulled out the two containers; one with the chicken and the other with the mash. ‘For the road. Should hold you over for a while, better than gas station food right?’

‘Jeez, kid. I’m glad we found you.’

‘Eh. Gives me a chance to see you guys again. You gotta bring back the containers though otherwise my mom will go ballistic.’ I giggled as he fell into a whole body laughter, his back swinging as he lent back. ‘I’m not even joking.’

‘Got any jerky while you’re at it.’

I knew it was a joke but as I thought about it, I recalled something. ‘Actually, I do. I totally forgot about that. I tried it but didn’t like it.’ I made my way to the pantry and pulled out the packages, handing them to him, walking to the front door.

‘God, kid. You’re better than Sam.’

‘Hold that thought because before you ask, no I do not have any pie. Not a fan.’

He dramatically gasped. ‘How dare you! I should kill you for commit such a crime.’

‘Just means more pie for you, dumbass.’ I pushed his back, shoving him out the door, arms laden with goodies. ‘Alright, come’ere, tough guy.’

I embraced him, when he pulled back, he kissed my temple. We said our final goodbyes and he set off, the familiar creek of Baby’s doors sound as Dean got into his beloved Chevrolet. The brothers both waved before they drove away, heading off to save the world from the monsters that supposedly didn’t exist. But I knew differently.

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