#oh look how far we've come. they make me insane

[andaniellight]

I am what you design me to be. I am your blade.

You cannot now complain if you also feel the hurt.

Waiting For This Story To End Before I Begin Another, Jan Heller Levi // David Bowie // Crybaby // Great Expectations, Charles Dickens

[sturniqlo]

KINKTOBER WEEK 3 | SMASH OR PASS- M.S

summary: where playing smash or pass with fictional characters turns into something more with matt

cw: cursing, SMUT; slight dom!matt, making out, fingering, unprotected p in v, backshots, creampie, spanking, hair pulling, aftercare

an: happy smutday- i mean thursday!!

masterlist | kinktober | join my taglist

-----------------------------------------------

tonight, y/n and her best friend, matt, were having a sleepover. before the night even started, matt had picked her up from her place and drove the two of them to the store to buy snacks and drinks for the night ahead of them.

as they walked around the grocery store, she had realized just how full the cart has gotten. "fuck, we've gotta get rid of some stuff." she picked up a random bag of peanuts. "bro, i didn't even realize how full it got." he giggled, picking up a few snacks he actually wanted.

once they arrived back at her place, it was matt's turn to order dinner for the two of them. "how's pizza sound?" he asked, his phone open to the postmates. "so good, get a stuffed crust, please." she looked at him with pleading eyes. "i will, i will." she smiled, she then went back to look for a movie.

that was a few hours ago. they were now playing smash or pass. "okay, okay, uh- the guy from tangled." matt snaps his fingers trying to think of his name. "flynn rider?" he nods. "oh i'd smash him any day. he can break into my tower." she smirks, taking a sip from her soda can.

"you're insane." matt laughs. "okay, my turn. let's see... betty boop." she looks at him. "smash... that's a classic, too easy. give me another one." she smirks at the thought. "fine.." she thinks for a few seconds before speaking.

"me." she smirks, raising her eyebrows at him. "y- you?" he stutters. "me." she confirms. "i- i would." he gulps, feeling himself grow hard at the thought. there had been far too many thoughts of her in that situation. "you would what?" she scoots closer to him. "y/n.." matt whispers.

"you would what, matt?" she repeats, feeling herself getting wet at the way he said her name. "smash." he finally says. "yeah? you'd fuck me?" she grabs a hold of his chin, bringing their faces inches apart. "i've been thinking about it for so fucking long." he wastes no time, brings his hand to the back of her neck and pulling her in for a kiss.

"mmm." she hums in satisfaction, feeling his soft lips on hers. their kiss hard and messy. she pulls away for a second, pushing him back so that he rests against the back of the couch. climbing onto his lap, matt's hands come to rest on her hips. "are you okay with this?" she asks him. "more than okay." he smiles before closing the gap again.

their tongues fight for dominance, his winning so he now has control. her hips roll against his and she feels his hard bulge. "so hard already, matt." she mumbles against his lips. "all for you, babe." he grips her ass in his hands. she gasps at the sudden feeling.

as they keep making out on the couch, she pulls away and throws her hoodie off of her and tosses it somewhere in her living room, leaving her in her bra. "fuck." matt groans at the sight of her cleavage. "can i?" matt presses a kiss on her shoulder, his finger ghosting over her bra strap. "yes, take it off for me."

his hand comes behind her back, easily unclasping her bra. he lets it fall down her arms before grabbing it and tossing it with her sweater. "so beautiful, look at you." he mumbles, awing at the sight of her tits. her nipples hardening at the change in temperature. matt brings his hands up and squeezes one in his hand, running his thumb over her nipple. she gasps.

"you like that, yeah?" he smirks, rolling the bud between two fingers, hearing her whimper. she nods, rolling her hips against him some more. "stand up." he says lowly, patting her thigh. she does as he says and he stands behind her, moving her loose hair over her left shoulder. pressing wet kisses along the exposed skin of her neck. she sighs in pleasure, leaning her head against his shoulder.

matts hands come around her her waist, caressing the soft skin of her belly, slowing creeping down to the waistband of her short. "take these off for me, please." he says into her ear, fiddling with the button. she hums, replacing his hands with hers, unbuttoning her jean shorts and letting them pool around her feel. "good girl." his hand comes back down, slightly touching her covered cunt. she practically moans at the pet name.

"on the couch." he nips on her neck and pats the side of her thigh. she nods, getting on all fours on the couch. her forearms resting on the head of the couch, and her ass sticking out. matt discards of his shirt, coming up behind her and rubbing his hand over her ass cheek. "so pretty." he mumbles, kissing up her spine. his hands runs up her body.

he then pulls back, admiring her almost naked body. he looks at her thin grey thong that already had a wet patch. "look at you, already so wet for me." his fingertip tracing her covered slit. "matt." she whines, arching her back at the small, yet teasing touch. "what, baby?" he smirks knowing she's getting impatient, just wanting him to do something.

"please." she turns her head around to see him and wiggles her ass against him as he leans his front against her. he groans at the contact, his cock feeling suffocated under his underwear and jeans. "so needy, yeah?" matt spanks her. she jolts at the sudden impact, the sting hurting so good. "again." she leans her head against her arm. "you like that? such a dirty girl." he rubs his hand over the red skin before hitting that same spot again, making her whimper.

matt looks down and sees that the wet patch on her thong has grown. he curses under his breath knowing he caused that. he wastes no time in booking his finger on the sides of the material and slides them down to her thighs. she helps him out but lifting each one of her knees so he can slip them completely off. she spreads her legs a bit more, giving him a better view of her dripping pussy.

matt sees her glistening core and grows harder, unbuttoning his pants to give him a bit more freedom. "so wet." he whispers, dipping his fingers into her hole, collecting some of her wetness. "please, matt." she's had enough of his teasing. "okay, okay. i'll give you want you want." he leans and gives her shoulder a kiss.

finally, he slides his two fingers from her hole down to her clit. he circles the sensitive bud. "shit- just like that." she pushes her ass back, moaning. "you like that?" his fingers moving back up to her hole. pushing two of his fingers in slowly, letting her get used to the feeling. "f- fuck!" she gasps, feeling his long fingers massaging her walls.

"so good, matt." y/n says. matt pumps his fingers faster, seeing his fingers shining with her arousal when they slip out. "keep- keep going." she starts to feel the pressure build up in her lower belly. matt can feel her pussy clenching around his fingers and slips out before she can get closer to her climax. "matt." she whimpers at the loss of contact.

"sorry, baby. i want you to come on my cock." he licks his fingers clean. "taste so good." y/n turns on her back and sees matt with a flustered look on his face, shirtless and his unbuttoned pants. she brings her arms out and matt hovers over her his hands coming to rest besides her head. her arms go around his neck. thier lips colliding into a messy kiss. y/n can taste herself on his tongue.

"gonna fuck you now, back on your knees." he cups her cheek, pressing one last kiss on her lips. she smirks at his words and turns back around into her original position, arching her back a bit more. matt slips his pants off along with his boxers, letting his hard cock spring up. he rubs himself a couple of times before running his leaking tip along her folds.

"y'ready, baby?" he bites back a groan. "yes- fuck." she whimpers. matt, slowly pushes his cock in holding her hips to steady himself. "oh- you're so big." she cries, feeling his dick stretch her out. matt groans as soon as he bottoms out, looking down to where they're connected, seeing her hold stretch out to accommodate to his size.

"move- please move." she puts her hand over his that rests on her hip. matt nods even though she isn't facing him. he starts to thrust in and out of her. "oh fuck!" she throws her head to the side.

"feel so good wrapped around me, baby. shit!" he slaps her ass cheek. seeing the skin turn red. "matt!" he groans feeling her pussy clench around his dick. "squeezing me so hard." matt reaches up and wraps her long hair around her hand, slightly pulling on it. "yes- yes!" she moans at the stinging of her scalp. matt pulls on the makeshift ponytail until she's on her knees leaning flush against his chest.

matt continues thrusting into her from behind, kissing along her neck and moaning into her skin hearing her moan from him hitting deep spots inside of her. "fuck- i'm so- i'm so close." she brings a hand behind his head and turning her head so they can meet in a kiss. "mm." she hums into the kiss. matt pulls away from the kiss, holding her chin in his hand. "come for me, come all over my dick."

"yes- gonna come for you." she whines, her eyes fluttering in pleasure. with a couple more thrusts she's cums. "fuck! i'm cumming!" she turns limp against him. matt rides her through her high and he then cums inside of her. "so good." she mumbles. "you did so good for me, babe." he coos, moving bits a pieces of her hair from her face.

matt carries her from the couch to her room to clean her up. knowing her place like the back of his hand, he knows where to get a rag. he cleans himself off before going to back to her and wiping the cum that is seeping out of her. she slightly hissed. "m' sorry, almost done." he kisses her thigh. matt gets her to pee before changing her into a pair of sweatpants and hoodie.

"well, i'd say 'smash or pass' was a great game since it ended up with us fucking." matt says as he lays on her. "you're unbelievable, matt." she giggles. "answer this one f'me, smash or pass... jack skellington." he looks up at her.

"smash."

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙ like a feather 🪶 | CL16 ˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au

warnings: none just fluff as per

summary: in which you're his celebrity crush and he eventually becomes yours too

a/n: me doing research to write this fic 🤓 (watching the feather mv)

request!!!: Hi, how are you? sooo i was thinking maybe a smau where Charles is dating a singer and he's playing the guy who Milo was (in Sabrina Carpenter's Feather music video) and this breaks the internet and this leads to them dating ??? idk, just like a really wholesome one where she was his celebrity crush like Taylor and Travis's relationship. Sabrina Carpenter as a face claim if this okay and thank you.

fc: sabrina carpenter

my masterlist

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, dualipa, and 1,023,821 others

yourusername virtual postcards 💋

view all 22,293 comments

gracieabrams wow wow wow

yourusername blushingg

user1 omg mother

user2 ilysm

user3 she is so insane

yourbff wow i love u

yourusername i love u more

user4 im in love

dualipa beautiful as always 💋

liked by yourusername

user5 anyone else peep charles leclerc in the likes?? anyone? just me

user6 is y/n his next victim

user7 i would never allow it

interview ->

twitter ->

messages ->

/

instagram ->

yourusername posted a story

liked by yourbff, maxverstappen1, and 991,284 others

user12 urm yn??

user13 what does this mean

user14 Y/N???

user15 IS THIS A CHARLES LECLERC REFERENCE

yourbff ur gonna send ppl crazy with this

yourusername hehehehe

interview ->

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, charles_leclerc, and 1,827,023 others

yourusername the feather music video is urs now !!! <333 tysm for all the love on this track & to everyone who helped out with the making of the mv, u might notice a certain someone starring!!!! thank u to our mr ferrari , charles leclerc🙏🪶❤️

view all 31,294 comments

charles_leclerc thanks so much for having me, y/n! it was so much fun

yourusername tysm for being soo cooperative it was the most fun ever!!!! sorry if it was too crazy

charles_leclerc never too crazy

user20 omg 🥲🥲🥲

user21 OH MY GOD

user22 omg they are so hot

user23 THE CROSS OVER

user24 this mv is my new roman empire

user25 they srsly need to date

yourbff wow congrats gorgeous girl !!

liked by yourusername

twitter ->

messages ->

instagram ->

charles_leclerc posted a story

liked by yourbff, carlossainz55, and 398,183 others

user33 CHARLES????!!!!!! AND Y/N?

user34 hard launch or friends

maxverstappen1 wow wait a minute

pierregasly hello?

user35 they're dating i know it

user36 IS SHE UR GF CHARLES

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1, and 809,841 others

charles_leclerc ✈️

view all 27,283 comments

user37 omg...

user38 ok. im speechless

user39 this looks a lot like a hard launch

alex_albon go off

liked by yourusername

gracieabrams love love loveee

charles_leclerc ❤️

yourbff omg

liked by charles_leclerc

user40 HARD LAUNCH??!

user41 omg we've come so far

user42 "she doesnt know who i am" 😭😭😭

francisca.cgomes omg please introduce me

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername

interview ->

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and 1,087,918 others

yourusername well, sure and well, my cat loves him

view all 33,293 comments

user50 NOT THE INTERVIEW QUOTEEEE

maxverstappen1 this has been amazing to watch, so thank you y/n

charles_leclerc i hate you

yourusername hahahah

yourbff i just knew this would happen

pierregasly you're not the only one

user51 everything about this is amazing

user52 most iconic crossover ever

user53 the 2024 season in the ferrari garage is going to go OFF with y/n there

liked by charles_leclerc

user54 fast times? no, fast cars

user55 charles piano feature on a y/n track when

yourusername 👀

user56 OMG

charles_leclerc i feel so lucky

yourusername you're my celebrity crush 🫶

user57 omg

user58 i screamed

THE END ❤️

[bluehourbucky]

delicious

pairing: beefy!bucky x reader

summary: you obsessed with buckys thicc thighs

a/n: we've all seen the pictures and I know I'm not the first or the only one who's gonna write this but I have to bc look at him

18+

MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT

|main| bucky masterlist|

anyways

bucky loves how affectionate you are and you're not shy about it either.

you're always touching him in one way or another, he likes the attention he relishes in it.

bucky loves that you show everyone that he's yours as much as he is showing people you're his.

but there's one thing that bucky knows makes you feral and he doesn't know why but he knows what.

it's his thighs you're worshiping like there's literally nothing better on the planet earth than his thighs - and there's not according to you.

you love to put your head on his thighs when you two are on the couch and are watching something, it is rarely that you choose somewhere else to lay your head on. apparently they are comfier than pillows.

another thing you love his thighs for is when you're feeling extremely horny and needy you would use his thighs for your own pleasure and never just one because the other one would feel excluded whatever that meant.

what bucky has a love hate relationship with is the way you tease him and it always starts with his thighs.

him driving you somewhere, your hand is in his thigh so close to his crotch but yet so far away.

out and about in public you squeeze it either for the possessiveness or because you seek comfort it's usually the first thing but oh well

dinner with friends is a torture the gentle touches drive him insane and you live for it.

the way you hold onto his thighs when you're riding him makes him absolutely feral.

but his favorite was when you're choking and sucking his cock and the more you do it you start scratching his thighs harder and harder, you're hugging them with every little atom of your body. even before you get to his cock you always and he means always spend a few minutes on marking up his thighs.

bucky didn't know he could love being marked like this so much but he does and it's no surprise his favorite season has become summer just so he could show off your art work.

he doesn't know if you love giving his thighs hickeys more or him receiving them..

bucky hates to admit but he loves when there's other spaces you could sit on, any chair couch bean bag literally anything, you choose his lap, it does wonders to his confidence.

one time when he was feeling a little insecure about his thighs bucky got a long and very pleasant reminder from you how his thighs are in fact the sexiest thighs on planet earth.

and you remind him of that every day.

"doll me and the boys are going out for drinks wanna come?" bucky asks and you check him out and stand up from the couch and walk over to him.

'in those jeans?" you eye him.

"yes?"

"you're not going anywhere in those, you're going to take them off right now also tell them you're not going that you have some unavoidable business to attend to."

and who was bucky to deny you pleasure of enjoying his thighs.

[the end]

likes comments and reblogs are appreciated <3

[monzaaasharl]

Mama McLaren

A/n:: Mark is my favourite F1 dilf. During the making of this I accidentally posted it so this took me even longer than it should have 😝, I also had an insane writer's block, i got this request many months ago and I've only just got around to finishing it. Mixed with this request here!

Pairings:: Mark Webber x Reader, Oscar Piastri x Reader, Lando Norris x Reader

Summary:: Y/n Webber starts to act very motherly towards the McLaren boys

Genre:: Fluff

Warnings:: There aren't any

@pear-1206

Driver x Reader Masterlist Monzaaasharl

It was the third race of the season, but it wasn't just any race, oh no, it was the Australian Grand Prix. Not only was it your husband's home race but also the driver he manages.

Oscar, he was like a son to you with the amount of time he spent with your little family. Well little as in you, your husband, your 21 year old son Noah, and your 17 year old daughter Jasmine.

The Australian Grand Prix was something that the Webber family always looked forward to. And this year, just like the last, you'd be watching the race from the McLaren garage.

"Have you got everything both of you?", you asked your two kids knowing they would forget something.

"Yeah, we've got everything, mum", you received as a response.

"Come on, we don't want to be late now", Mark said knowing fully well there was not a possibily they would be late, but wanted them to get there early to cha to the McLaren boys and give them a small pep talk.

After a peaceful drive in the car through the city, you finally arrived at the paddock.

You made your way through the paddock in your small group, and ended up in the McLaren hospitality.

"How's it goin' you two?" Mark said when he spotted the papaya drivers.

Oscar and Lando both turned around when they heard the familiar voice of the older aussie man.

"Yeah not too bad"

"Everything's going pretty well so far"

"Well we'll just be around if you boys want us", Mark said to both the McLaren boys, not wanting to distract them too much before the race.

"Good luck boys, i know you're going to do amazing", you always felt quite protective over them both.

"Yeah, good luck mate", Noah

"Good luck"

"See ya"

"See you after"

⋆˚✿˚⋆

After an intense Grand Prix and a mix of emotions after seeing Max was out, you found yourself still in the McLaren garage after your husband had left you quickly for the podium ceremony.

Lando had finished third which definitely made you proud, but seeing Oscar so close and just missing out on the podium positions it made you just the slightest bit sad.

When you saw him come back to the garage you made sure to tell him how proud you were of him. He ended up staying with you, Jasmine, and Noah while watching the podium celebrations.

"You did amazing this race, I hope you know that"

"Thank you, I just wish that I could've got onto the podium"

You knew it made him a bit upset knowing he was so close to a podium finish for his home race.

When Mark came back from the podiums he made sure to congratulate Oscar on his race and tell him how well he did even if Oscar didn't feel like he did good enough.

"You did good mate, don't let it bring you down"

"I won't, don't worry"

Oscar made his way to his own family leaving you lot alone.

"Y'know, I always thought after you retired I wouldn't have to worry about someone else racing"

Your husband laughed at your comment and gave you sweet kiss, much to your kids disgust. It didn't matter how old they got, they still didn't like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are all appreciated!

[m4rs-ex3]

s7 spoilers ✨✨

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ok

"death alive" fucking snipe me the insane death motif that seems to be present here is killing me pun intended

GRAAAHAHAHHGROWLS IM SO EXCITED I CAN TEVEN

"i don't want to be separated again"

"i don't want to be separated again"

stop it right tf now bc this is literally what i have been wanting one of them to say so badly. also smooch. dear christ

the fact that terry wants so badly for him and claudia to be free that he is pleading with fucking archmage aaravos himself. like ik they're partners in crime atp but still my guy has balls. the dedication. poor thing 😭

aaravos fucking leading claudia on with even more hope of viren being saved - his own backstory making the way he's manipulating her grief 10x more twisted - and terry seeing right through his bullshit..... im foaming at the mouth

fuckin.g- FOR ME?!?!?!?!?!?

CALLUM SOBBING OVER EZRAN??? (dreamer's nightmare was prepping us for this huh)

SOREN APOLOGIZING TO CALLUM?? (for what i do not know) EMOTIONAL CALLUM/SOREN HUG DEAR GOD ALL IVE EVER WANTED

the making of a primal stone, more moon magic, a quest for an ingredient, insane biblical imagery... once again, FOR ME??!?!?!?!??!

"AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!"

NECROMANCY!! just what this show needed omg

astrid my love. i was a little worried post-s6/pre-date announcement that we really wouldn't see that much, if any, of the celestial elves, but oh ho ho i can't believe i ever doubted you tdp. like you're telling me that astrid is tired of watching, of being the wise observers (especially now that her own brother has been so far removed from, well, being a non-all-seeing prophet), and that all she wants is to, for once, do something about all the tragedy she knows is coming and hasn't been able to do anything about? christmas fucking morning i tell you

goddamn the true extent and emphasized tragedy of katolis has been brought up enough that you just know they're not messing around

NO STOP SEEING SARAI AND HARROW NEXT TO GROWN AND CURRENTLY FCUKED UP EZRAN IS GOING TO FUCKING DEMOLISH ME

obviously ez being angry is just wow omg teehee but just. immediately being so vengeful and wanting to "destroy him" with zero hang-ups is.......... yeah wow omg teehee

"it's great!" i genuinely trust that with my life

ok hello this will most certainly be the most incredible visual to ever exist holy shit. also this is making me realize that we've never actual seen ez on the throne in arc 2 and i mean that's insane enough

this is incredible what can i say. i can see it now: rayla shoving worms in his face like "JUST EAT THE FUCKING WORMS ITS GOOD FOR YOU ASSHOLE" and runaan fighting her like a toddler refusing to eat his vegetables (except it's the opposite bc it's a vegetarian father refusing to eat his grubs)

i love how out of touch aaravos is (makes sense after centuries underneath inside of a rock) bc in what world is this normal. i highly doubt they have snow white or the bible but still it's just human nature to be weirded tf out by that. also yes @zuppizup ur so right his affinity for fruit being played on is amazing

also corvus: yeah yeah uh huh right and what exactly is your name, sir? aaravos: ah yes my name! it's uh uhh i mean it's uhhhhhhhhhhh. jofus

TWO IN THE FIRST EPISODE (which worries me but anyhow) IN THE FORM OF A GOODBYE AND A REUNION AND IN FRONT OF EVERYONE TOO???? AS A TREAT??????????

i'm all for ezran ripping runaan to shreds but i can't exactly say i see the correlation here. although that is kinda funny. it's like when i can't find my phone or smth so i just look at my dog and go "whiskey did you eat it" (she's been asleep this whole time and also she has never eaten/chewed on an object in her life)

also help inigo montoya ahh

ok 1) i, much like everyone else, kinda presumed that the tension would mostly be between ezran and callum and he wouldn't really hold anything against rayla, but the act of straight up arresting him really makes me wonder how rayla's gonna react 2) i really need to see callum's reaction (mainly out of defending rayla, but also because i can see him kinda being like "HEY i JUST freed him bro fuck you") and 3) the way that it is emphasized that soren is the one to arrest him..... idk i just figured that between his love for rayla, his own daddy issues (+the fact that viren was the one to imprison him so it would kinda be like righting his wrong), and that harrow was in fact not his father so compared to ezran he'd have a lot less resentment (he was of course still his king and soren had to actually watch it so still some but like. comparatively) i didn't think he'd be this combative but i'm certainly not complaining. the more angst the merrier

AW YEAH BOYS SHES COMING TO KATOLIS!!!!!

this has been your incoherent, feral mars commentary.* thank you

[selarina]

I have a suggestion! What are your thoughts on the reader helping high school kento build a birdhouse?

"You know one of these days you'll have to actually help, right?"

"I am helping," you frown as you stare at your nails. You're not really looking. It's merely a shield, a way to avert your eyes from his piercing eyes.

"You're..." His voice trails off as he lifts the cumbersome goggles up from his eyes, to see you perched on the marble slab. A figure so idle and bored-looking and yet, you make no means to contribute. "You're sitting.”

He seemed clearly frustrated, but you're who you are, and so you giggled.

"I am. I am sitting while providing you moral support. I’m the pretty view that will keep you from going insane over that birdhouse. There is beauty in this world, Nanami-san. There is joy,” you beam as you wrap up your speech.

"We don't have time for this. We need to submit this birdhouse by Monday," he sighs, his frustration evident in the furrow of his brow. "That's only 3 more days."

“Oh, come on. We've got plenty of time," you say, waving off his concerns with a nonchalant flick of your hand.

But he's not easily swayed. "Plenty of time? We haven't even finished painting it, let alone adding the final touches. And we still need to figure out how to stabilise the roof so it doesn't collapse under the weight of the two birds."

You lean back on your hands, letting out a dramatic weary sigh. "Fine, Nanami-kun. If you're so worried, I'll try and help. But you have to promise me one thing."

He raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "What?"

"That you'll stop stressing out so much. It's just a birdhouse, not a spaceship," you tease, hoping to lighten the mood. "Oh, and that you'll buy me Mochi when we're done with an A+."

"I owe you nothing," he says, his arms crossed in defiance.

"Then I fear," you fake a frown. "I fear my legs just can't seem to reach the ground. You shall have to carry on without me." A tilt of your head, a pout on your lips. God, you're so annoying.

"I'll get you your Mochi," he concedes with a resigned shake of his head. "But only if we manage to finish this on time. And with an exemplary grade might I add."

"A+ and nothing less," you salute him as you hop off the counter. His eyes catch a glimpse of your skirt riding up before his eyes look away and move to the unfinished birdhouse.

---

Your heavy eyes threatened to lull, but you fought against it, you've slept for far too long. And it doesn't help that Nanami's hands are moving in soothing patterns against your back. Up and down, and a circle. Up and down, and a circle.

Your gaze strains to lift up, avoiding any movement that might disturb his lying form. He's already awake, so there's no fear of rousing him awake with your movement. No, your concern lies elsewhere — You're worried about moving, and having to start the day, and having to leave his arms. This is far too comfortable a moment to leave.

Your eyes drift across the room and settle on the red cage in the corner of the room. The cage seems to look a lot more lonelier in the dull light of this cold morning.

“I think he’s sad,” you murmur.

Your gaze remains fixed on the bird inside the cage. The love bird, now singular, was formerly a pair as they usually come. It's a horrible fate, you can't help but think.

“Obviously," came his terse reply.

You don't say anything, letting the silence join you both, you moved your hands on his chest. You repeat the familiar pattern. Up and down, and a circle. Up and down, and a circle.

“Do you think that’ll happen to you if I leave,” you ask, moments later.

“You’re not leaving," he says, quickly.

"No," you countered softly yet insistently. "No, of course not. I only meant if—"

"No," he cut in, his voice firm and resolute. Though his demeanor remained calm— as it often did— you felt his hand tighten around your waist.

You decided not to press further then.

"I think we need to pay more attention to it than usual," you suggested, redirecting the conversation to the love bird. "Else it'll die."

"Maybe that's better," he mused.

"Don't be silly," you chide gently. "He'll be alright. It's only been a week."

A week later, the love bird passed away, succumbing to a broken heart, as the veterinarian confirmed.

Three years have passed since, and you find yourself thinking back to that morning. He's the one who's gone now, his body finding the same soil as the two love birds.

You suppose you're the one who has to answer now.

[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 7 thoughts, feelings, etc

ALRIGHT i ran my errands, caught up on pit babe and playboyy to relax, and now i'm doing my speedwatch. i took some notes while watching the first time and they're a fucking MESS but hopefully they help me remember everything i want to comment on because without fail i always forget something.

you'll all be glad to know this week's meta bullshit from me is far, far less romantic and wistful than last weeks. you've all been spared by my adhd brain not being able to piece together a single poetic thought.

i kind of knew from this moment the trajectory the episode would take. Day is clearly nervous but not defensive - this isn't out of the realm of something Mhok would do for him but with recent context it probably feels fairly intimate. i think this was a really good indicator of what we're in for.

there's a collection of sunflowers in Day's room, tucked away in the corner, not unlike Mhok tucking away his feelings for Day's comfort. the poor things are shrouded in shadow, away from the light. the pain is unending and forever.

Day's flashback to the kiss has me curious. his eyes are closed so he's not even thinking back to seeing what he can of Mhok up close. as he reminisces about this kiss is he simply remembering the sensation of Mhok's lips on his own? how his hands curled into Mhok's jacket? and i'm sure we've all seen the post but - was he thinking of the way Mhok tasted like cigarettes? this isn't to romanticize his disability, i'm just genuinely wondering what exactly he's drawing on here in this moment, because it's clearly something significant to him.

Porjai just keeps getting prettier every episode and it's making me insane. i just think i should be allowed to take care of her.

"I'm jealous of Day's ability to make you smile."

this makes me think Mhok's smiles have been few and far between, and maybe Porjai has been looking to bring out that smile for a long time. does she ever worry that maybe someday Mhok could end up like Rung? does she worry about finding him too?

oh i so very badly want the context for this, i want to know everything. but also, it's really not that surprising. not when we've seen the things Mhok has done for Day. Mhok lives his life in extremes; anger, kindness, protectiveness, his work, etc. everything Mhok does he puts his whole self into it and it's nice to see his love is no different, because why would it be?

i'm once again in awe of what P'Aof has done with Mhok and Porjai, though. they live together so easily and naturally. there's nothing strange or awkward about it, just two people surviving life together. it's such a breath of fresh air.

Day just cannot catch a break when it comes to August. this has to hurt so fucking badly, the pity has to feel amplified by 1000. not only was August trying to force himself to like Day back because he's blind, but also because he was thinking of leaving. Day is a stronger man than me because i would be frothing at the mouth pissed.

but once again, Mhok doesn't let Day stew in his fish tank. he encourages him to go out and resolve his feelings, even if that means screaming at August and letting out all his hurt and frustration. he's seen what happens when Day lets his hurt fester and he won't let it happen again, not while he's around.

"He's a lot stronger than I thought. It's me who's so weak that I let him down."

as much as August pisses me off, i do think this is him realizing his pity was misplaced, and he failed Day in that way, so he gets some redemption points here. (still think he's a stinky bastard man tho)

the immediate distance Mhok puts between himself and the group never fails to hurt my heart. i get it, he's there for a job, but their relationship has progressed past that - now even moreso, and i cant help but wonder if this is his attempt at keeping a distance, curbing his expectations, reminding himself that while his role is to be by Day's side it's only in a professional capacity.

i love that Gee acknowledges him with a little head nod, occasionally looks in Mhok's direction as if to include him, she's just - ugh - i love all the women in this show so fucking much. i just wish someone would invite Mhok over sometime, encourage him to join the conversation (like they did back at the party.)

sometimes Mhok really is the embodiment of a shadow - both of Day and of his former self (for good or bad.)

(he looks so fucking sexy leaning like that with his shirt tucked into his pants tho, whew.)

Gee also becomes one of my favorite people for asking Day to take the photo of all of them. she just gets it, she includes him, she doesn't act like he can't do things, she even insists he can, she's just !!! the women of all time in this show i swear!!! I LOVE WOMEN!!!!

also the "you don't drink coffee, girl spill the tea" from Gee is just so good. she knows a diversion tactic when she sees one.

i want this expression framed, she's so cute, HELP.

i wish i had the time and energy today to make gifs for this week but ugh. the journey Mhok's face went on here to end up at quiet resignation. because he did figure. someone like Day? with someone like him? because we know Mhok's opinion of himself isn't great, largely influenced by his incarceration and reintegration into society, i'm sure, along with his guilt. but there had been that little bud of hope, a little sunflower seed that had bloomed just a little too far, reached for the sun a little too much. it must feel like a weed in his chest.

the way Day says 'here' so softly, with so much vulnerability made me feel like screaming. he doesn't know what his feelings are for Mhok yet (you can't tell me he doesn't feel anything) but he knows he doesn't want to lose Mhok and the sudden idea of it is terrifying. Mhok is the only person that really understands him, one of the only people he's comfortable around anymore, and he can't lose that. he doesn't want to go back to the dirty fish tank.

i also think this was an indicator to Mhok that maybe Day doesn't know how he feels, and maybe he can get away with flirting in tiny, subtle ways because from here on his secret flirting game is in full effect and it's so fucking cute. he's careful not to completely push past Day boundaries, but to test them in gentle ways.

THE SHOES MY BELOVEDS. we all know what i feel about these shoes after last week and i'm so glad to see all of my stupid babbling confirmed here. i love that Mhok constantly mends things instead of throwing them away. the sentimentality of items means something to Mhok and we love him for that.

we also got a proper 'sweet dreams' this episode, finally!! thank you subbers!

so many shots of feet this ep tho and lemme tell you as someone that HATES feet, this was rough.

oh you are so smitten. Day realizing Mhok is warm, warm in his own way, warm in such a gentle and understated way. UGH. you would've thought he knew after everything they've been through but sometimes people need a reminder and maybe something to drive them to pay closer attention. our boy is BESOTTED. kicking his feet and giggling. i think this is the happiest we've ever seen him.

so here's where i'm probably going to wax poetic the most. Mhok is finally opening up to Day in such an incredible way. he brings Day to his home with no fear of pity or judgement. he brings him into this sanctuary created by him, his sister, and Porjai and he cooks for him and cares for him and in letting him in Day sees even more how impossibly warm Mhok is.

what's even greater is there isn't a single moment where Day is jealous or questions Porjai being there. Mhok has told him she's expecting and he's never weird about it, just kind and understanding and it's all so normalized, it's fucking beautiful. Day even takes the time to encourage Porjai, to share about his mom, and about the strength it takes to be a single mom. P'Aof i adore you.

Mhok has planted jasmine simply because he knows Day likes it, and maybe now he likes it too. and he brings Last Twilight home to practice reading (i'd always wondered how he managed to read without stumbling over himself lmao) and he's done it so much that now Porjai wants to name their child Mee, wants to create this connection to Day forever.

and once prompted, once Day knows enough to ask, Mhok opens up about Rung, talks about her more. Day comments on the warmth of the house, something started by Rung and cultivated by Mhok. it would be so easy for the house to feel cold and clinical, especially knowing what happened here, but Mhok has kept it a home - warm, inviting, comforting - all the things Mhok has been to Day.

the noises took me by fuckin' surprise tho, i genuinely looked around my house like who the fuck is making all that noise and then i was like OH THOSE ARE-- OKAY--

and I know people are like haha P'Aof has a scent kink but like. idk. maybe it's just me but scents are something i'm drawn to. i remember the way someone smelled more than i remember their face. i recently took a shirt out of my closet and immediately started crying. it smelled like face powder and perfume. it smelled like my grandma. the leather jacket pushed to the side smells like cigarettes and horses, like my dad always did.

scent is such an ingrained memory, something that is so hard for our brains to let go of. every time i get a familiar smell it knocks me on my ass, and i'm so glad to see some of this represented in these shows.

this absolutely warmed my heart. whatever is going on with Night and Day is clearly more on Day's side than anything else. Night clearly loves his brother and i'm just fucking DYING to know what is going on that is causing Day to drive a wedge between them. sure, Night hasn't been perfect, but there's love there and that counts for so much.

and what exactly are you doing here??? this is a charity run for blindness - does he know someone that is blind other than Day? did meeting Day inspire him to participate? has he spent time talking to Mhok about Day and maybe the difficulties of his blindness? i am filled with questions but i love this character so much, he's just so kind.

Day's hesitation to cross the finish line was also something i found so interesting. it felt long, possibly too drawn out, but Day needed to think, needed time to understand that if he crosses that finish line, if he accepts Mhok's request to be his boyfriend, their lives will never go back to how they were. things between them will change forever, whether the relationship is a success or otherwise. it's an incredibly mature thing of Day to do, even if it felt a little lengthy for us, the audience.

i strongly believe that in addition to Mhok Porjai is going to be a big driving force in Night and Day's reconciliation. i would love to see Porjai gain Night's side of the story, Mhok gain Day's side of the story, and the two of them working together to see how they can reunite these brothers.

also if i had a nickle for every time P'Aof paired Mark with a pregnant woman in his shows i'd have two nickles, which isn't a lot but it's interesting it has happened twice.

while i, like everyone else, hope the mock proposal is a parallel we get to see later i want to focus more on this moment.

i forget who said it, it's long gone to the depths of my dash by now, but someone commented that disabilities do not stop for love, and fuck is that so true. i love Mhok's concern, his immediate reaction to soothe, and the way he seems to feel Day's fear as his own. and poor Day, he can't even enjoy this moment of bliss with Mhok because of course, of course something like this had to happen. it's so fucking real in the way Last Twilight has been this entire time.

the constant excellent representation of disabled living has been incredible to see, i've seen so much of myself in this show (even though my disability is so very different) and it's been like a warm blanket put over very single comment: you're too young to be disabled, you aren't THAT disabled, you're being dramatic, etc.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you P'Aof and team.

tag loves: @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious (as always tell me if you want to be added {for LT only or all meta} or removed!)

[thefandomlyricist]

Will Wood style X Jason Todd (DC)

The Myosotis Conundrum (Aka The Bush is on Fire Aka Iphigenia Sets Up A Dead Man's Switch)

I-ayayay am a selfish, selfish nasty man

You can check it black on white, section F60.2

It says I-ayayay am doomed to be a nasty man

It's written in your books and it's all thanks to you.

And maybe it's a cop out but for who?

For me, for you, for the idea of the idea of my idea of your idea of me and you!

Whoo!

Iyayay am a man, I'm a bomb, I'm a corpse with my hand on the detonator

I am really not that bad up until you press the trigger

I'm explosive as an explosion

I'm concussive as brain damage from a blunt force lesion.

Why are you afraid?

So many have done so much worse

Really I'm pretty tame

Why are you ashamed ?

You've crafted us a pretty neat curse

And now we're playing your own game!

(And now the chorus!)

I know my place (Do you?)

I know my place (Do you, do you?)

I know my place and it's six feet deep with a worm in the eye (What about you?)

But how far did you dig because you're not that high (Did they bury your heart where they buried my bones?)

And oh (I know my place know my place)

Why are you darkening your door (Know your place know your place because we share the same face)

You could bear to smile a little more (dark dark mirror on the wall)

It's a family reunion (they never prepare you for the violence of the fall)

It's the fibrosis osmosis of the scar tissue tying the god and the angel and the devil the fall and the son

We're always being chased in our nightmares

God we've had some really good scares!

Maybe what's chasing you wants you to look at it

Maybe Euridyce is crying out with her wrists slit.

(And if you dare to) Look at me without blinking

Think of me without sinking

This would make a man out of a salt pillar and a butterfly into a caterpillar.

And I-ayayay am a selfish man (stay in your lane or they will grind you down)

To become our fathers is so very human (going insane is no reason to drown)

And I-ayayay am looking for a place to rest

That's far away from you

If Abraham fails the test

Then what the fuck do you call what you do?

"You can't kill your father", they say

Can't is for quitters who don't try enough

"Tragic character", they say

But everything is a comedy if you just say it with a little laugh!

And I-ayayay (wall up your cellar, cover your well)

Am only our second worst enemy (better build your prison next to my cell)

And I will take responsibility for the atrocity but don't you say it didn't happen to me.

I know my place (Do you?)

I know my place (Do you, do you?)

I know my place and it's by your side in the family portrait (I'm not escaping you)

The day will come we'll be reunited just you wait (You're not escaping me)

And oh (I know my place know my place)

Why are you darkening your door (It's a gentle love song)

And when it all goes wrong

You could bear to smile a little more (We'll both be singing that song)

Singing I-ayayay know my place, know my place

It's a family reunion (god and the angel and the devil the fall and the son)

And your deontological hysterical dys-ethical intellectual role will not save you from being the father of your son.

[dreamofbecoming]

yeah alright this got away from me. posting in pieces, part one is just stobin, no shippy stuff. steddie and rockie to follow. i'll drop it on ao3 once all 3 parts are done

now on ao3!

platonic stobin

rating: t

wc: 3.5k

---

Robin stopped being surprised by Steve Harrington showing up at her bedroom window months ago. Jesus, there's a sentence her 16 year old self wouldn't fucking believe for a second. The Hair, climbing up the trellis her dad built for the roses her mom planted and then forgot about three months later? Yeah right, as if. But it turns out alternate dimensions and sci-fi movie monsters and Russian conspiracies in Bumfuck, Nowhere, USA are all real, so how surprising really is The King himself, collapsing through her window with all the grace of a baby giraffe, out of breath like he- holy shit, did he fucking run here?

"Dingus, did you run here? What the hell?"

"Had to- hang on, Jesus. Holy shit." He bends over, hands on his knees, panting like he just ran a marathon. Which, she guesses, he almost did.

"You have a car, you lunatic, what could possibly be so important?"

"Didn't think about it. Had to get here."

"Is someone dead?!" Oh fuck, Is the Upside Down back? Oh shit, oh no, it can't be back, right? Superhero girl closed the gates! Right?! Oh god, oh no, oh fuck, it's back, the Russians are back, they realized they couldn't let her live after what she's seen, her parents will never even know what happened to her, and they'll kill Dingus too, and dorky little Henderson, and that menace Erica, oh god, they're gonna die, and Hopper's gone and superhero girl is far away and she doesn't have superpowers anymore anyway, which is frankly bogus because what the hell, Robin never even got to hang out with a real live magic person before, which, ok, that's a selfish thought, but that's ok, we can think selfish thoughts and then set them aside and not act on them, thoughts are not actions, thoughts happen all the time without our consent, they don't determine our character-

"Bobs, you're spiraling. Nothing bad happened, I just realized something and I freaked out and I had to talk to you right away. Forgot to call. Sorry, I should have called. Ran straight out of the house. I don't even think my shoes match, what the fuck?"

She's gonna kill him, she really is.

She loves him so much.

"Jesus, you're insane. Sit, you absolute dweeb. I'm getting you some water, when I get back you can tell me what the hell is going on."

He's sitting on her bed when she gets back upstairs, staring at something in his hands. Christ, his hands are shaking. What the fuck, Dingus?

He takes the water and downs it in one go- ugh, sports guys- then flops onto his back and covers his eyes with a miserable groan.

"I know we've got the whole twin telepathy thing going on, bubba, but I'm gonna need at least a little bit to work with here. Give me something. Is it your parents? The kids? Uh, what was her name? From Thursday? Janice?"

"Janine, and no. Ugh. Here." The arm not covering his eyes flops out towards her, holding- ah. A zine. He had promised to drive up to Indy last weekend to the secret bookshop she told him about and get her some new ones, even though she couldn't go with him because her cousin Randy got caught cheating on his fiancée and her parents made her come with the rest of the family to help him move. Fucking Randy. Maybe he should make better choices, so the rest of them wouldn't have to clean up his messes. Jerk.

Anyway.

"Marked the page." Which, yep, there's a purple paper clip stuck to a page near the middle, because Steve knows how much she hates people who dogear books, even books that aren't really books at all, so he's been training himself out of it, because he's sort of the best. Again, 16 year old Robin would have her committed for thinking that, but here we are.

The pamphlet isn't one of the periodicals she sent him for, so he must have picked it up on his own. It looks handmade, just some folded sheets that look like they came out of a typewriter, bound with the kind of twine you can buy at the hardware store. It's called Awakenings. The page he's marked looks like a personal essay, no title, no real signature, just a pair of initials at the end of the page and a half of writing. She starts reading, trying to figure out what the hell spooked Steve so bad.

"I've always been normal. I've always had crushes on men, just like the other girls. There was never a feeling of "I'm different," or "Oh, this is wrong." There was never anything to think very hard about. I'd giggle and blush when the boys looked over at us on the playground, same as everyone else. Later on when I was older I looked at my poster of Harrison Ford, shirtless and hairy and sweating, and I touched myself, and it felt good, just like it was supposed to. I didn't mind thinking of my future husband, and our future kids, and the pretty house with the pretty garden we'd have, just like my parents have, just like they wanted for me. I was normal. Everything was fine.

I thought everything about me was normal. So I didn't understand why the other girls at sleepover parties would giggle and stop and say "Ew, gross!" when we practiced kissing. It felt nice! I wanted to keep going! But it seemed like no one else did. I didn't understand why none of them talked about getting butterflies in their stomach when Laura, who was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, transferred in our senior year, why they seemed so angry at her. Those butterflies were what jealousy felt like, right? So why did the other girls seem to feel so different?

I made my first lesbian friend in college, on the very first day, right across the hall in my dorm. We sat next to each other at Orientation and I thought I'd never have another best friend that wonderful in my whole life, so I'd hold on to her with everything I had. She came out to me the night before Christmas break, hiding under the blankets in my dorm room with the twinkling lights glowing. She was so scared. I held her and told her I loved her no matter what, and she seemed so glad, to have someone to talk to.

When she talked about falling in love with girls, I was so confused. The way she described it sounded like what it felt like to have girlfriends, I was sure. I felt that all the time. I asked her if she was sure she was gay, and she looked so shocked and angry and hurt, and I didn't know how to fix it, so I tried to explain. That what she felt couldn't be liking girls, because I felt that too, and I was normal. I liked boys, so I couldn't be gay. I couldn't be.

I'm glad it was her I said all that to. If someone else had told me about being bisexual, I think I would have hated them. I would have cried, and screamed, and said horrible things. Because I wasn't gay, I was normal, and it was so scary to think that might be a lie. Thank God it was her, my best friend in the world, who I never want to lose. Thank God I listened.

Because I'm not normal. I'm queer. I like men, and I like women. I can love them both the same, but it doesn't matter anymore, because I love her. I love her, and she loves me, and I don't need to be normal anymore."

Robin's face feels wet, which probably means she's crying. She cries a lot, reading these sorts of stories, in the zines she has to keep hidden under her bed, or, these days, at Steve's house. It's never going to be her, she knows. Not here in Hawkins, but it still makes something ache deep inside her, like pressing on a bruise, but in a good way, seeing love happen to other people. People like her. Seeing that it can.

"So?"

Oh shit. Right, Dingus. They're about him right now. Something about this essay in particular freaked him out.

"Uh. It's. A nice essay? I'm glad things worked out for them?"

Stevie lets out a pathetic whine, sort of like back at Scoops when he earned a particularly bad tally on the You Suck board. "Robbiiiiiiieeeee!"

"I'm sorry! I think I'm missing something, what's wrong with this essay? I don't get it, bubba, I'm sorry. I need some context." She does feel bad. Usually she can pluck whatever's bothering him right out of his brain and into the light, where it almost never looks as bad, but she's at a loss right now.

He's got both hands over his face again, and his response is so muffled she can't make out a word.

"Try again in human sounds, please."

"Ugh! I thought everyone felt like that!"

Huh? "Felt like...what, exactly?"

"Like that!" He flails wildly at the pamphlet in her hands. He's sitting up now, hair all askew from tugging at it, and there's a vaguely worrying crazed look in his eye, like right before he tackled that guard. "Like kissing boys and girls both feel nice, and like seeing a handsome guy and feeling jealous of him makes my stomach flutter, and like having friends feels the same as having crushes! I thought that was just how everyone felt all the time!"

Oh.

Oh.

Oh no.

Poor Dingus! No wonder he panicked and ran here like a crazy person!

"Stevie, can I hug you? Please?" She's not much for physical touch most of the time, but Steve is, and also she's found in the last few months that she doesn't mind so much when it's him. She sort of understands why other people like hugs so much, if they always feel like hugging Steve feels for her. And she really thinks he needs to be hugged, right now.

He nods miserably. She drapes her arms around his shoulders and holds on as tight as she can, hauling him sideways until he's practically laying down on her. He clutches her back and buries his face in her shoulder. She can feel her neck getting wet with tears, a sensation that would normally make her want to claw off her own skin, but this isn't about her. Dingus needs her.

"It's ok, bubba. I'm so sorry. I know how scary this is. When I first figured out I had a crush on Linda Sanderson I cried so hard I threw up, you know? I get it. It's gonna be ok, I promise. We'll make it ok. We faced down evil Russians and giant meat monsters, what's a little sexuality crisis, huh? We got this! We're the goddamn Wonder Twins!"

He snorts at that, which she's pretty sure leaves snot on her neck, which. Ew. Still. Problems for Later Robin.

"We are not, Will and El are the Wonder Twins."

"Uh, nope, no chance, I barely even met them so therefore I am vetoing their application. Sorry kiddos, better luck next time! Find your own nickname, losers!"

Steve sits back, laughing, and she preens a little at being able to bring him back from the brink so easily. She loves him so much she feels like she's glowing with it, sometimes. It almost makes her wish she was straight, because what girl is she ever going to find who loves her this much? But only almost, because. Well. Girls, amiright? Phew.

"So what now, Stevie? You wanna say it out loud? That helps, sometimes. You wanna not say it out loud? You wanna go to a gay bar and find you a boy? You wanna never think about it again? It's totally your call."

"Say it out loud, huh?"

"Hm. It took me like a month, and then the first time I could only say it sitting in the back of my closet with the bedroom door locked and the closet door closed, and I could only whisper it. Just "I'm a lesbian," to myself, like the world's most ironic little goblin. And I had to throw up again after. But it did feel good, once I rinsed my mouth out, anyway. Cleansing, you know? And it gets easier every time." Steve's eyebrows are raised and he's chuckling again, so that's a win. She's not lying, but it is sort of funny, she supposes. In hindsight, anyway.

"Ok. Ok, I can do that. I think. Yeah, I can do that."

She's so proud of him. He's the bravest person she's ever met, she thinks. "You wanna get in the closet?"

"Isn't the whole point to come out of the closet, Robs?" He's smirking at her. Bastard. She whacks him in the shoulder on principle. He may be having a crisis, but he's still a jackass. Her favorite jackass in the whole world, but still.

"Har har, you're a regular Bob Hope. Alright then, bigshot, let's hear it."

A little of that fear creeps back onto his face, and she wishes she could wipe it off, but that's not how this works. They can't make the scary things less scary. He couldn't make the Russians less terrifying, but he could hold her hand and make her laugh and carry some of that fear with her. She can do that for him now, too.

She grabs his hand, and he clutches back tightly. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm...fuck. Ok. Ok, I can do this. I'm...bisexual." The air leaves him in a big whoosh, and he laughs a little. "Yeah, ok, fuck. I'm bisexual. Holy shit, Robbie, I'm bisexual!"

"Hell yeah you are!" She's grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. She's so fucking proud of him.

He's laughing again, a little hysterically, and he hugs her tight again, and she holds him back just as close and thinks oh, he's like me. I'm not alone. I have Steve, and he's like me, and he's mine forever and ever.

When they separate, she looks at him seriously.

"So do you, like, want this to be a thing? Because we can totally make it a thing, and like, get me a fake ID and go to a gay bar and do all kinds of wild shit if you want, but we don't have to, you know? If you need to just, like. Digest this, for a while. It's totally up to you, I just know it took me a while to feel ok with it, and I have no idea if it's different for you but I just want to be what you need, you know? You've been so good with me, and I've never had a queer friend before, so I don't know how, but I want to be just as good to you. You're my Dingus and I love you and I don't know how much of a gay guru I can be on account of, you know, I've never met any gay people besides me and the pretty lady at the bookstore but I couldn't even get real human words to come out of my mouth when I tried to talk to her so I don't think that counts, you know? But I still wanna help! Let me help!"

"Bobbie! Bobbie breathe, you're gonna pass out. I don't think I need a gay guru, I just need a gay best friend, and I have that, so I promise I'm good, ok? Promise. Also I love you too.”

She takes a deep breath, following his lead the way they worked out in the horrible days after Starcourt, when she couldn't sleep without him next to her, warm and alive and breathing, and even then she would wake up in the night with her breath coming short and her vision tunneling and Steve would hold her hand against his chest and breathe slowly, in and out, until she could follow him, and the world wasn't so terrible and scary and loud anymore.

She still thinks about that awful hour underground, thinking she was strapped to the corpse of a boy she never let become her friend, but Steve is always there now when she needs him, and he never complains when she grabs his wrist or puts her head on his chest to make absolutely sure that big, stupid heart is still beating.

When she's breathing normally again, he drops their joined hands down between them, toying idly with the chain linking her ring to her bracelet. "I think...I think I'm glad I said it, and I'm glad we talked about it, but can we maybe just...put it away, for a while? Like it's not...ugh. I guess this is kind of shitty to say, so like, hit me if you want, I guess, but I kind of don't think it matters right now?"

"No no, that makes perfect sense! Like, you still like girls, right?" He nods. "And you don't like. Have a crush on any boys right now. Or do you? Oh man if you do you have to tell me though, it's platonic soulmate law. It's in the bylaws, Steve, don't make me soulmate fine you!"

He laughs and shoves her face away. "Jesus, Rob, no! I don't have a crush on any guys, who would I even crush on in this town? We're not exactly swimming in eligible bachelors. I don't have a crush on anybody at all, I'd tell you, I swear. I know the rules!"

"Oh phew, good. You have to tell me when you do, though, I'm way excited to get you back for making fun of Tammy."

"It was the God's honest truth, Bobbie! She sings like a muppet!"

"Oh my god, shut up, Dingus! Ugh! As I was saying, you super duper have to tell me when you do, but for now, I think maybe you don't have to think about it really at all if you don't want. I mean, practically speaking, it's not really relevant to your everyday life, so we can totally revisit when that changes, but you don't have to like. Join a pride parade tomorrow, you know? You are you who are no matter what. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, especially not to me, not ever."

He leans his head on her shoulder, and she scritches her nails through his hair. It really has no right being as soft as it is, with the amount of hairspray he uses. It's frankly rude, is what it is.

"Thanks, Bobs. I think I'm just gonna put it away for now. It just...another thing to know about me, you know? Like, I'm bad at fighting people but good at fighting monsters, all my best friends are kids except you, I'm bi but it doesn't matter because there aren't any boys to date in Hawkins anyway. Plus my dad would kill me if he found out. Like actually kill me, not "oh geez I missed curfew, my dad's gonna kill me" type kill me, like I think he'd actually try and beat me to death. So there's really no reason to talk about it right now, you know?"

There's a pit of ice in her stomach, and she tightens her arm around him like she can keep him safe just by holding on tight enough. She hates how casually he said that, just like she hates how casually he always talks about how his parents treat him, like he honestly believes it's normal. "Jesus, Dingus. You know you can come here if you need, right? My parents love you, they already think we're getting married. They'd make you sleep in the guest room, but I could sneak you in here easy."

He snorts again. "We're totally gonna end up married for tax reasons anyway, we're never beating the rumors." That makes her snort, too. He's not wrong, though. She isn't going to be allowed to have a wife anytime soon, and if she has to choose someone to be her next of kin, it's always gonna be him. They're planning to move in together when she goes to school next year anyway. No one is ever gonna believe them that they aren't dating, but that's...fine. Honestly, there are worse things. Better to have Steve by her side than not, and if no one else understands them, well, they understand each other, don't they? That's more than enough.

"Yeah, I know I can come here if I need, Robs. It's fine mostly, I swear. They're not home until Christmas anyway."

He takes another deep breath, like he's settling himself. "I'm just glad we talked about it. I feel better now."

She cards her fingers through his hair again, basking in the feeling of her favorite person so close, and so content. "I'm glad, Dingus."

They're alive, and they're together, and they're queer, and neither of them is ever going to have to be alone again.

"Hang on, did you say you've kissed girls and boys?!"

part 2 part 3

[hermitw]

I've been thinking about this reblog of yours for months and I finally figured out how to respond to it.

I went and read No Longer Human by Junji Ito and it was a very upsetting thing to go through. I don't think I can read it again. However, I came out of it thinking that Gege was probably inspired by it.

When Yozo is first introduced, I noticed that Takaba's backstory was very similar. Feeling isolated from others, he decided to become a clown to gain acceptance from others. (Citations in Image Captions)

And later when Yozo was caught "cheating" (it's in quotes because those women are child rapists), I noticed that her face was really similar to the one Higuruma's client made when he felt betrayed by the trial outcome.

There's probably a lot more to say about how themes surrounding CSA and suicide in this work are echoed in JJK, but I'm not able to make the post myself. No Longer Human is too far out of my comfort zone in terms of graphic depiction to delve into it deeper.

But you seem strong enough to handle it, so... Idk maybe run with this some more.

Ohhh this is so interesting! I could definitely read No Longer Human again - tbh I read Junji Ito's version years ago. This year I listened to the audio book and bought a copy - but it's like, a draft in the author's handwriting (bc I thought it would help me study Japanese and if I had an English translation that I'd read it on repeat lmao). But you're real for that - I forget how disturbed people tend to be trying to read through it, I'm sorry that was rough.

I did go back to read the reblog and idk how relevant all that was - I've reread the manga since and felt like, oh I might have been misremembering some things like Uraume - idk if they actually had a freeze response in ch. 219, since they did tell Yorozu to back off though it took a minute - but it's also interesting how their CT deals with ice. Like to have a fight response, they freeze others? It's so interesting but I can't be sure whether it's there at all. (ik that yap II inspired some more coherent posts, like how it influenced Choso's self-image, etc., I linked but didn't tag you back then bc I felt Annoying especially w heavy topics but I can definitely go back and find them if you'd like.)

On a twin peaks note (without spoiling it), I feel like it inspired jjk to some extent - I've been feeling like the last chapter will end the way s2 did. Or at least - with the weird dreamy themes, "we are the dreamer who dreams and who lives inside the dream", etc...

But you're right - Yozo and the others' reactions resemble more jjk characters than I would think to connect. Takaba's jokes are truly a shield... And now I have an excuse to read Junji Ito's version again? Thank u so much (also isn't it funny how September 28 Uzumaki airs and September 30 jjk ends?).

I think gege gets inspired by the most tragic stories, I wonder how much of that is accurate but I can't always be convinced otherwise.... Especially when anime / manga series that he's confirmed as influences often deal with autonomy in ways that I couldn't handle (Evangelion, the night beyond the tricornered window).

By the way - ik we've mentioned elfen lied before, but in the first episode, you know that coffee mug? How it looks like jjk foreshadowing? Even has snail head Mahito - cut off-, the baseball, Panda, the worm (also cut off).... and later the newborn babies that look just like Yuuji...

I swear that elfen lied, Kagewani, and banana fish influenced jjk. It seems so obvious w those, maybe Vampire Princess Miyu as well.

Sorry for getting off topic - I've been looking into why Momotaro keeps coming up in jujutsu kaisen, and in the end it came back full circle to that damn coffee cup. Invest in a baseball team? A zoo? I'm going insane.

All this to say - rereading Junji Ito's version and seeing if I notice similarities between manga panels is so exciting. Gege even made a note that he asked for permission before drawing - I think it was the Uzumaki CT - So we know he's a big fan of Junji Ito. And it seems like there is a rly good chance No Longer Human inspired him as well (though I feel like characters with similar traumas having similar reactions is inevitable to some extent, if they're written in a believable way, it should be clearer when I'm reading both stories in the same format) based on the stories he has officially referenced.

[omennatural]

What we know + a little speculation - eccles cakes, Gabriel, and Crowley's anger

Okay so with the past two teasers, a lot is put into context. I've finally sat down to put it all down for anyone that would like it, and a little spec on what could be related to the scenes we have, I'll be going in chronological order. I'm listening to Crowley's playlist as I write this so I'm going a little insane.

Okay first off we got a new teaser here, where we see their little coffee date happening, but the interesting thing to note here is that Crowley comes into this scene already pissed. Aziraphale is taking Nina's suggestion, eccles cakes, in hopes to calm Crowley.

So then Nina, darling Nina, asks about the NAKED MAN IN AZIRAPHALE'S SHOP and Crowley's very interested in this. Crowley doesn't know about Gabriel at this point, Aziraphale (probably) is taking this time to figure out how to tell Crowley Gabe's crashing at the bookshop, that he's even here on Earth at all. Nina's forced his hand, he's got to explain himself, I mean did you see the guilt in his face?

So it's safe to assume Aziraphale needs to show him, an explanation is a matter of great importance, they take those place of cakes to go (I imagine Aziraphale very sincerely promised to bring the plate back, washed and in perfect condition post haste) and we get, well, you know, the best discovery of my life. Original eccles post here.

So we all know what happens next.

SOME SPECULATION NOW

Okay now that that's established, I think the newest little teaser here, aside from sending me into a tailspin, comes pretty soon if not immediately after Crowley finds out about Gabriel. It makes sense, does it not? Gabriel introduces his presence, Crowley says, "A word, Angel. In private," or something of the like and they go upstairs and Crowley says he's gotta get the fuck out. It all fits.

Now my favorite little bit of spec about this whole thing is the scene where Crowley has his lighting outburst. He's pissed, to a degree we've never seen before. Angry enough to fucking smoke and summon lightning. Armageddon didn't even piss him off that bad. I think what could bring him to this level is someone messing with that fragile peace he's they've carved out for themselves, possibly. That makes a lot of sense if this outburst is after the discussion where Crowley says Gabriel's gotta go. Maybe they did have a little spat, didn't resolve it immediately, Crowley left and is so pissed that, well.

Boom.

The other option for this fitting into this bit with the cakes and Gabriel is if this happens before the coffee shop date. If that's the case, it explains why he's so damn angry. Maybe something with Hell, his car (he is living out of it), I don't know, but if this is the case then he has the outburst, maybe Aziraphale notices, comes out in a rush and takes Crowley into the shop to calm down? Does Crowley try to suggest they go into the bookshop but Aziraphale says no, takes him to the coffee shop? But oh, Nina forces the Gabriel reveal.

I really go back and forth on before or after, the scene looks right for the other ones as far as it could be the same day, continuity and all that. I could be totally wrong, this could come later, but I don't think so. But who knows.

Wait and see I guess.

[ghostsandfools]

Interesting Stuff From Yesterday's LAES Episode:

DISCLAIMER: I go insane under the cut. There is swearing. You have been warned.

Okay first of all, where are they???? Obviously in a dream, which Lunar says "doesn't feel normal", which is already weird, but they're in a location Lunar's never been in before. Probably not important I'm just curious, like, is it just some random place conjured up by Lunar's subconscious or does Res have him in a specific location for a reason???

Res works for Cetus apparently.

Lunar sees Res for the first time and goes "You don't have a face" and Res goes "Oh, I can assure you, I do." I'm sorry???????????

This is off topic, but these episodes stress me the fuck out. Like, the writing isn't always the best and I've seen people leave the fandom over some of the decisions the writers make. Now, I don't really care about how bad the writing is I'm gonna watch it anyways, but I genuinely get stressed out over the lore, it is an issue. I worry about it on a day to day basis, I think I'm starting to get WAY too attached to these characters.

Res looks so much like Nebula, I mentioned it in a separate post but like seriously, it's not even funny how similar they look. They could be twins, at least in my eyes idk if y'all see it too. Also, I love Nebula and I would NEVER accuse her of such heinous crimes, but the astrals have basically stripped her of her rights and are making her work constantly with almost no breaks and no pay, and from what we've seen Taurus specifically treats her pretty awful, and Res did mention hating Taurus and Leo, so... I mean I wouldn't be surprised if Res and Nebula were the same person.

Res has met Castor and Pollux at some point and thinks that they're "entertaining" so I don't know what the fuck that means but I'm scared-

The order to begin the infection has been given :)

We're all fucked :)))))))

Res didn't want Lunar there??? Lunar says "I shouldn't be here," and Res goes "You shouldn't be, this was a very private meeting," so Lunar can just get dragged into antimatter shenanigans with no say in the matter randomly????? Res didn't even intend for this to happen???????

The fact that Res doesn't care about Lunar knowing is scary. Res doesn't try to hurt Lunar or kill him or get him not to tell anyone, they just don't care. Which is worrying, because Lunar could tell the astrals, and the fact that Res doesn't care about that means that they're already far enough into this plan that the astrals knowing about it will hardly be a setback.

I was thinking, maybe Res stands for Residual or Residue. Because, they said they're made out of dark star power, but they AREN'T a witherstorm, so maybe they're residual leftover dark star power.

THEIR VOICE EVEN SOUNDS LIKE A CORRUPTED NEBULA, am I going crazy here??? Their voices even sound similar, except Nebula's is much smoother obviously, but they both speak the same way, y'know? AM I INSANE??? Like, their voices are different but the way they talk and their enunciation of certain words is the EXACT SAME.

Res being Nebula could explain their inside knowledge about the astrals. I mean, obviously they could just figure stuff out on their own or through Cetus, I'm assuming dark star power entities can probably spy on people pretty well, but it would explain why they already know Lunar and that Taurus is coming to Earth, I'm just saying...

OKAY OKAY OKAY okaay okaoaksyaa SO. Res talks about getting rid of one of the astrals for good, which is interesting. Gemini said that astrals can die, but they usually come back because they're stars and stars will just supernova and reform. But Res says they could get rid of one of the astrals for good and how Cetus would love having one less to deal with. They also say one of the astrals is already out of commission??? Unless I missed something, this is the first time that's been mentioned. I wonder who it is. Probably not Libra since she's a leader, not Gemini since they've been around recently, not Taurus because he's showing up soon, probably not Aries since they're the one who helped Gemini get into Lunar's dreams, SO WHO?!

Res, (with that incredibly sexy voice of theirs~), says that they "Need Lunar" and that he's the "Perfect Catalyst". Which is interesting because like two minutes ago they described themself as a catalyst??? I wonder what they need Lunar for, maybe to get more inside knowledge about the astrals for them?

It is getting more and more difficult for me not to talk about how hot Res is the longer this post gets, they said Lunar was "Ample for corruption~" JESUS RES, JUST KILL PEOPLE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HOT ABOUT IT, JUST KILL PEOPLE AND FUCK OFF!

WHY ARE THEY BEING SO SEDUCTIVE???? "What I'm going to do to you when I get my hands on you, I'm going to do so many horrid things..." I'M SORRY? EXCUSE ME BITCH??????

How do you turn positive star power into negative star power? Gemini said that when star power is harnessed, negative star power is the result. Lunar does not harness star power, he is basically an astral now which means he's MADE of it. Him using it won't produce any negative star power, which means Res has a way to convert pure, unharnessed star power into negative star power. Interesting. If I didn't have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to my hyperfixations, maybe I could tell you have that would work with stars and dark matter in real life, but I forgot so sorry :D

How many negative star power entities are there??? Res says Lunar will "become one of us". So far there are at least 2, Res and Cetus, but there HAS to be more than that. C'mon. There has to be. The astrals are also interesting, how many of them are there? Obviously there's the main 12, based on the zodiac constellations, but are there more based on other constellations? Are the "Astrals" just what the main 12 are called and any others are considered lesser than them? And then for the dark matter ones, are there 12 to act as dark zodiacs? Or are the less, or worse, are there MORE?

I wonder if Gemini made Taurus and Leo sound more scary as a way to get Lunar to behave himself. All they said was "Taurus and Leo destroy planets", but according to Res, they really don't. They only put planets out of their misery once they've been infected and already basically destroyed.

I wonder if Res did anything to Lunar while he was asleep? They say "you need to wake up" and then Lunar falls asleep in the dream only to wake up in real life, but I wonder if they could've done something to him in that time that he doesn't realize?

It's kinda interesting that Lunar's first thought was to go to Monty rather than Gemini or Moon or waiting for Taurus to show up. I actually have kinda a sweet reason why, more of a headcanon than a theory though. Whenever i have nightmares, my brain kinda goes back in time for a little while, and instead of calling someone I actually trust like one of my friends or my partner, my first thought is to go to my mom. Now, i don't talk to my mom anymore because she sucks, but I really liked her as a kid and when I have bad dreams I forget about all the people i have in my life now and wanna go back to her. And Monty and Lunar used to be so close, obviously Monty knows a lot about negative star power so they're a logical option of who to get help from, but i also think it would be really sweet if Lunar goes through the same thing and that's why they want to go to Monty first, because they're almost like a parental figure to him.

ANYWAYS, that's enough rambling and simping and theorizing and trauma-dumping and going fucking insane for today, if you read this far you have a VERY good attention span. I would not read a post this long, you are a better person than me.

[cementcornfield]

The flaws in the team - is this fixable in one offseason?

I’m worried they’re gonna see how close some games were and talk themselves out of making necessary changes 😕

god. i have no idea. the thing is that the bengals have always had this reputation, and it's a fair one for the most part. but as a new fan, i've only been experiencing these good years. (became aware of them during the super bowl, really got into them the next season. luckily became a fan right around when they went on a 10 game win streak so like, i wasn't aware this team DID lose?? and now look at me.)

i think, if you want to be Fair, the front office and organization HAVE been making changes. selling the stadium naming rights, making an in-season trade, paying joe the most guaranteed money they've ever paid, these are all steps in the right direction. but you can also fairly point out that a lot of this is way too little too late. they are far far behind the way most other front offices are run, and we're seeing the consequences of that.

i hope that progress keeps being made. i hope they see what they have in joe and ja'marr after this insane season, and see how they've let them down. i think joe (and certainly ja'marr lol) is the type to speak his mind when he sees something he's not happy about. i'm not sure how much power or sway he does have in the organization, but i imagine it's more than pretty much any player they've had til this point. and i can only hope they listen to him!! (without him having to threaten a trade, which i wouldn't blame him for. but i don't think it's come to that quite yet.)

in terms of what changes they could reasonably make this offseason, i think we need to (ONCE AGAIN) focus on drafting and signing defensive talent. it sucks because oh my god we've dedicated so many resources to that the last few years, but we just keep missing (and of course letting the actual proven talent go, assuming we can replace and it turns out we can't!) and then when you think about how high-potential players haven't developed, you do have to look at coaching. lou has been incredible for us scheme-wise the last few years. he is one of the few DCs who has proven he can consistently limit patrick mahomes, josh allen, and even lamar sometimes (less so this year lol). but! when you take away his top talent, he's not able to reproduce these results reliably. which i mean, that's a hard ask for anyone, but it's his job to work with the tools given, and two years in a row now he's proven that he can't set up the players he has currently on the roster for success. so the answer might be in replacing him? or at the very least, keep him for his scheming creativity but maybe replace position coaches? who actually work with and develop the guys every day?

i still think zac's job is safe. and i know i'm in the minority when i say i'm mostly okay with that. when you look at this team's problems, and what they've been able to do on offense this year despite key injuries, i still think that's impressive. and obviously you can attribute some of that to joe's ability to improvise, but i think when you look at the game plans recently, they've been pretty good overall. zac definitely still has trouble with deciding on when to be aggressive, and sometimes he gets too cute with shit, but i really don't think he's this team's biggest problem, and i think joe is still very much on his side. if that changes though, then yeah, i'd think zac's seat could get pretty hot.

oh i do think we need to get rid of frank though. our o-line is better at pass protection this year, especially when orlando is in and having one of his best years statistically. and i get that when we have joe at qb, we're always going to prioritize passing, that's fine. but i'm pretty sure we're dead last in run blocking. which is a shame because chase brown has shown he can be pretty special! but we need to give him SOMETHING to work with on these runs. and given that frank is the o-line AND run coordinator, it's pretty evident that he's the problem there. so maybe the team gets rid of him? hopefully?

i dunno, this has become a whole rant but these are just some of the things that i think could happen? and maybe if they do, we'll be in better shape next year to get things figured out. i'm excited to watch our young guys this season, see what we have in them. because they could definitely be the key to success next season!

[sangoqueenkoko]

I don't want realism; I want magic

angst

MAIN MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST

.

Previous, Part 1 | Part 2 | Next, Part 3

Synopsis: Being with Dottore for some time is enough to drive some insane. But what about living with him? Thick and thin. Sweet and sour. Love and hatred. Lust and chastity. It all burns passionately. Wrapped around each other's fingers.

Warnings? This is an experimental series. Also contains the mention of inner body parts, blood and gore.

He finally exploded. Combusted.

Shattered.

Finally.

All the built-up anger that led to this moment could finally escape. In an unfortunate way.

And unfortunately, this isn’t an illusion. It’s actually happening. Whatever toxic gas that could be concocted in the Hell that is his Lab hadn’t affected you to the point of changing your reality to the magic most wanted. No.

His breath was heavy—seething, in fact. He looked over his shoulder at you. At this point, he had removed his mask so you could see the anger in his eyes in all its glory. They pierced your soul.

He would turn to you before walking over. It was like he suddenly appeared in front of you, and the fast rhythm of your panicked heart may as well have been the speed at which he was walking. The closer he got, the more of his body heat you could feel and the more anger you could sense.

"Of all pathetic homo-sapiens to be this disruptive and disrespecting to my research, I never would have never expected it to be you", Dottore growled with his hands behind his back, coat nowhere to be seen again. His eyes were full of fire, no reconciliation to be seen nearby; they were alluring to some, deadly to most. Like the so-called innocence of a rosebud, to the prickly points on its stem, dealing harm even if it didn’t want to, no matter how careful. His hair is a little unkempt due to the amount of time he's spent working with no self-care. Which you always cared for even if he didn't. But he didn't seem to care about what you thought at the moment. He didn’t care what anyone thought at this point. But his mask was always perfectly in place. As if he's always trying to conceal something away from everyone he comes across.

But he isn't concealing his anger now. He's let it out.

"I-I'm sorry, Zan-" you would try to muster up an excuse he would take, but you don't know why because he can see through anyone's lies like glass. No one else’s anger made your usually composed and undeviating composure waver unless it was from Dottore.

"Do NOT call me that!" he spat, lunging forward towards you, but he caught himself at the last second and tried to hold himself back. The sudden movement from him made you move back, too; you hated being in the path of his destructive anger; he could do literally anything. But he hated that name. Zandik. It reminded him of his Akademiya days. "Never, EVER speak of that name again! I have heard that name FAR too many times over the years, and I am sick of it! Especially hearing it from you! I loathe it! You make it oh so much worse. And I. AM. FINISHED!"

What happened after that—an argument or conversation, if you even call it that—was awkward but surreal. You had never seen him so angry, especially towards yourself, especially over the measliest of things. Now you know what other people felt when The Doctor was beyond seething.

Poor you.

Pity.

Though you were used to it, it still hit close.

When he was in various moods, you knew it was better to leave him alone and let him cool off, to do whatever cacophonous activities he pleased.

In the meantime, you knew to do your own thing, be it reading, talking, walking to let your thoughts simmer and fester, or practising sparring. No one could ever separate you from your blade.

"Heh," Childe mused with his usual shit-eating grin as he put his bow away, it disappearing beside his waist in a small cloud of golden sparkles before they hurridly faded away, "remember, we've been over this, girlie. Many times. Disputes happen. Adohiro and I have them, even over the pettiest things. And it's no different for you and The Doctor either. Even if... he tends to be a loose canon sometimes," he admitted openly, because you obviously knew that already. But you wouldn't call it 'petty.'

Despite your loose friendship, as in you and Childe, you were both good at fighting. He was always looking for a fight with those who would... 'ask for it,' and you were always up to the opportunity to refine your skills and execute them perfectly. So, if someone came upon you two sparring, they would think it looks like a dance. The way both of your manoeuvres melt together creates something that flows smoother than water: perfect pars, swift flourishing, and endless energy. Flashy.

It was comfortable for both of you. Your sword, slender, dark in colour, like obsidian, yet shiny, with no stains despite your work, would collide with Childe's slick, ocean-blue Riptide blades. From time to time, it would be some friendly jabs and remarks at each other before it would work up the energy and get a little more aggressive, as it would be if you were to actually fight against a foe. More flamboyant.

You could easily tell he was enjoying it, almost like he was showing off. But the word 'petty' stuck in your mind like an adhesive; he may not have meant it to be necessary, but you didn't see it like he did. That drove you to fight for your life, so to speak. And whatever he said next would fall upon your deaf ears.

Let’s just say that no words were spoken for a while.

Nothing but the sounds of quick swoops and clangs as weapons collided. The occasional friendly jabs turned into witty quips shared between the two of you, only before more swoops and clangs would sound out more rapidly with more force. With wits at their ends, it would be a surprise if someone got hurt, right? Right?

No matter. Because how could either of you get hurt? You’re both skilled bladesman. Meaning that no matter the circumstances you shouldn’t get hurt, you should only deal damage to those that don’t matter.

That was also told to you in your line of work. Constantly. This drove you. And it drove you insane. The idea of hurting the seemingly innocent until proven til they perish. They’ve worked alongside the criminally insane without knowing? Kill them. Their family? Kill them; there can’t be any more ‘bad blood’ spared. Knowing that you were once as innocent as the genuinely innocent you have killed haunted you; it was this burden that sat and will forever sit, on your shoulders until your own death. Constantly whispering to you, reminding you every day. Without fail. Like the angels and demons on either side of you. Only that it was only the demon. The angel was still there. But it was long dead. Dead by the hands of your own being. Signifying you are no longer innocent. And haven't been for a long time

You had a quick breather between quick rounds. During this break, you protested because you wanted to keep going, but Childe persisted.

"You've gotten much better than last time, Konchina" He took a deep breath as he put his arm in front of him, stretching it as his other arm held it close to his chest before lightly shaking it, relieving the tension pent up from the sudden blade swings.

"Of course, I've gotten better, Tartaglia", you retorted, mocking his enthusiasm in the way he said your 'name' "I can only get better from here."

He shrugged after a brief silence as he let the air settle between you both. "Okay, whatever you say. Just don't push yourself. I have to keep telling you this; the more you do this, the more you push yourself to your limit, and the more likely you will get hurt and put out of commission, depending on the severity, of course. And you know that Her Majesty can't have any of her followers, especially one of her close subordinates, out of action when work needs to be done. And you know what The Do-"

He would begin to carry on but was immediately cut off by you groaning at the name, throwing your sword down as it bedded itself into the dirt, standing at an angle, "Do not bring him up now. I can't tolerate him now, and I don't think he will be able to tolerate me now after... what happened." You would rather not think about that again.

And, of course, you know what The Doctor will say; it wouldn't be the first time. He keeps you close to his lab until you get better, not until he patches you up while giving you a long lecture. Ugh. You can't stand his lectures. As knowledgeable as he is in the medical field, it doesn't help that when you want peace, he can't keep his mouth shut.

Like last time, the last time you hurt yourself was during another spar session, this time with the Captain himself, Capitano. You got too into it, pent-up emotions up to the brim as you swung your weapon a little too hard and fast and accidentally dislocated your shoulder. As uncomfortable as it was, Capitano advised you to get it fixed, against your wishes, as you still wanted to fight. Thus sending you to the lab that is Dottore's. When you walked in, and he saw the damage, even at a glance, he knew; he sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, as he didn't have his mask on due to what he was working on; he snapped his fingers, echoing across the room, before pointing at the chair beside his main lab desk.

He pushed your arm back into place with a resounding POP, immediately followed by you sounding in agony despite restraining yourself.

"Tut. You know full well not to throw your body weight in a fight unless it is detrimental. You should know that by now." He would say things like that, only more patronizing; at least, that's what it felt like.

"You know to leave him alone and do whatever he wants," Childe mentioned. I've heard that before, you thought. Many times. "Now. Where were we?" he smirked as he picked his weapon up again.

Reaping up your weapon out of the ground began round two.

Those memories came back and took control. What you've been told many times came back and took control. And it wanted to do some damage. Yet, it would only backfire.

CLANG. CLANG. CRASH. PING.

Was the sounds of your blades. Only the PING was when Childe managed to disarm you and accidentally pierced your right upper quadrant. He dropped his weapons once he noticed.

"(Y/N)! Oh my- I genuinely didn't mean to do that-"

"Childe! I'm fine," you said with a shaky voice, speaking through the adrenaline rush that was now coming to a close, the pain slowly yet quickly overtaking your side.

"Let's get you to the lab- and yes, we are going!" he said quickly before you could even think about protesting, "and I don't care what The Doctor thinks; he has to help."

He will.

He must.

taglist: @jqnehr • @rain-soaked-sun • @mmeatt • @leoisgayforwriting (for Childe) •

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[adamwatchesmovies]

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

The Silence of the Lambs is an unnerving film with memorable scenes, intense performances and terrific characters… along with plenty of gore. This makes it a horror film - the only one to ever win an Academy Award for Best Picture - so far. On its own, the central mystery would be enough but we get much, much more.

25-year-old FBI trainee Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) is assigned to interview Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), a former psychiatrist and cannibalistic serial killer apprehended six years ago. Officially, Jack Crawford (Scott Glenn) wants her to convince Hannibal to fill out a questionnaire. Unofficially, he hopes she can convince Hannibal to help find “Buffalo Bill” (Ted Levine), a serial killer who has been abducting and murdering women.

It doesn’t take long for you to realize that director Jonathan Demme isn’t simply giving us another serial killer detective story. When Clarice hops into an elevator at the academy, all of the men inside tower over her. While she isn’t the only woman studying to become an FBI agent, there’s a recurring theme of her being debased or disrespected because she is a woman. Jack Crawford makes an unintentional remark to some police officers, Dr. Frederick Chilton (Anthony Heald) at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane doesn’t take her seriously and makes certain assumptions about her interview with Lecter (considering what Crawford says later, he might be slightly right), at least one inmate gets particularly lewd once he sees her. The theme continues with Buffalo Bill, who has a fundamental misunderstanding of what a woman even is, which leads him to commit his gruesome - and bizarre - murders. The only person (besides a female student played by Kasi Lemmons) who seems to treat Clarice with respect… is Hannibal.

Labelling Clarice as nothing more than "the film's female aspiring FBI agent" would be a mistake. Starling is a memorable character. She’s resourceful, smarter than she looks, doesn’t easily get rattled, and develops this odd sort of relationship with Lecter that says a lot about who she is and why she wants to join the FBI. At one point, Hannibal is offering her clues that could help her apprehend Buffalo Bill but in exchange, he demands to know more about her childhood. Obviously, he's using the techniques he learned as a psychologist to gather more information than even we could understand. During the interrogation, we learn where the movie's title comes from. Considering all of the grisly sights we see, it’s telling that the most chilling moment is that exchange. There’s something about Lecter that’s so dangerous. He’s classy. He’s smart. He always seems to have the perfect remark whenever anyone says anything to him. He’s alluring but just as you start getting close to the glass, you remember that he’s a monster.

With Clarice and Hannibal sufficiently covered, we can now talk about the mystery. If it took me this long, it's because if the movie was just a conversation between those characters, it would be enough. You’re glued to the screen watching them interact. You’re having a great time putting the pieces together, trying to figure these people out. Then, they part ways and you remember "Oh, right! The mystery!" How could you have forgotten? Buffalo Bill has captured another victim (Brooke Smith as Catherine Martin, who actually creates a memorable character with her few scenes). There’s only so much time before he does whatever it is he does to her. We've seen the other victims. We don't quite understand what it is that's going to happen, but we know it's not good. Martin’s mother, a U.S. Senator (Diane Baker) has the power to accelerate processes - anything to get her daughter back. Hannibal knows it. So does Clarice. Jonathan Demme and screenplay writer Ted Tally (who bases it off of the novel by Thomas Harris) keep playing tennis with you, moving you from the interviews with Lecter, to the mystery with the FBI and back again.

The Silence of the Lambs is a thriller that makes you sweat. Its horror elements will make you uneasy and one thing’s for sure, there’s no forgetting this movie once you’ve seen it. The performances are exceptional and even some of the smaller parts are far and above what you’d expect to see, even in a classy horror film - well, as classy as you can be when you have severed heads in bottles and rotting corpses dug out of rivers. I'm returning to the idea that it is a horror movie because it's an important quality of Silence of the Lambs. It's gruesome, it's thrilling, it's filled with engaging characters and it is undeniably frightening. (On Blu-ray, January 16th, 2023)