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solxamber · 1 month ago

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Fairytales and Fever Dreams - Vil Schoenheit x reader

When you decide to beg a fairy for help at your lowest point, you didn't expect that he'd decide to help you— at the cost of you making skincare for him.

You’re a mage at the academy, and life has officially declared war on you. Seriously. You’re about this close to having a full-on breakdown, the kind where they find you cackling in the library while surrounded by half-finished spell scrolls. One more minor inconvenience and you swear, you’re going to walk out onto the quad, set fire to the herbology building, and just stand there, staring blankly as it burns, sipping tea.

And why? Because you have four—count them—four finals on the same day. You don’t know who pissed in the universe’s cereal, but apparently, you’re the one paying for it.

"Okay, it’s fine," you mutter to yourself while chewing on the end of a quill. "You just need one little miracle. Just a small one. Like, I don’t know, a meteor wiping out the school. Or the headmaster spontaneously combusting. Something normal like that."

But then, you remember the rumor—the kind of rumor people whisper about when they’re this close to a mental collapse. Oh yes, the whispered tale of the fairies in the forest at the edge of town. Supposedly, if you bring an offering to the fairies, they’ll grant you a wish. Any wish. No strings attached.

You snort. It’s probably a load of magical nonsense. But considering your current state of sleep deprivation (and let’s be honest, mild hysteria), you’re willing to give it a shot. Desperate times and all that.

So, you scrape together the fanciest honey and milk your student budget can manage, which is probably a 5/10 by fairy standards but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. You pack it up in a basket like some weird, broke Little Red Riding Hood and trudge out to the forest.

The second you arrive, you’re not even trying to be subtle or respectful about it. No, you go straight to begging.

“Please, fairies, PLEASE!” You fall to your knees dramatically, waving the basket around like you’re presenting some holy relic. “I’m begging you. I need help. I haven’t slept in three days, I’m running on a liter of coffee and sheer spite, and if I fail one more class, I’m gonna have to turn myself into a toad and live under a rock. Just—just one wish, that’s all I’m asking!”

It’s bad. Like, so bad, you’re half-expecting some animal to come along and put you out of your misery out of sheer secondhand embarrassment.

But then, there’s this rustling sound behind you, and when you look up, someone is standing there.

Correction: the prettiest person you’ve ever seen is standing there.

He’s tall, ethereal, and glowing—literally glowing, like he bathes in moonlight and stardust. His hair’s all silky and perfect, his skin looks like it’s never heard of acne, and the expression on his face tells you that he’s about two seconds away from calling security on you.

“Why, exactly,” he starts, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow that could cut glass, “are you kneeling in front of my forest and making this embarrassing display?”

You blink. Several things occur to you all at once:

1. Fairies are real. Huh. You thought you were just being insane.

2. Holy hell, he’s the most beautiful person (fairy?) you’ve ever seen.

3. Wait—his forest?

You quickly wipe the pathetic tears from your face and stumble to your feet. “A-are you… a fairy?”

“No, I’m a sentient dust bunny,” he deadpans. “Yes, of course, I’m a fairy. What are you even doing here?”

You hesitate. He’s giving off serious annoyed model on a runway vibes, and you’re not sure if he’s going to hex you out of his forest or just roll his eyes so hard that you get flung into another dimension.

“I, uh… finals,” you mumble, the tears starting to well up again. “Four finals. Same day. And I haven’t slept. I’m one failed exam away from permanently turning into a raccoon.”

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose like your existence is just too much for him. “And you thought the best course of action was to come here and… grovel?”

You nod pathetically. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

For a moment, he looks like he’s about to just walk away, leaving you to your breakdown. But then his eyes narrow, and he points at your backpack. “What’s that?”

“Huh?” You look down and see the sunscreen bottle sticking out. “Oh, uh, that’s just something I made. I’ve been working on a skincare formula for sensitive skin.”

He steps closer, plucking it from your bag with the grace of someone used to handling priceless artifacts. “Skincare, you say?” He opens it, sniffing it cautiously before dabbing a bit onto the back of his hand. His eyes light up for a second, and you swear you hear an angelic choir in the background. “Hm. Not bad. A bit of a lavender undertone. Smooth texture. SPF 50?”

You nod. “Y-yeah.”

He looks back at you, and for the first time since he appeared, you see the barest hint of approval on his face. “It’s hard to find good skincare products these days, even among the fairies.”

You’re not sure how to respond. Is this your life now? Trading finals survival for skincare tips with a beautiful fairy?

“Well,” he says, still admiring the product, “I suppose I could grant you one wish. One. But only if you agree to make more of these skincare products for me.”

“Really?” You blink, not entirely believing your luck. “You’ll help me?”

He gives you a sidelong glance, a smirk playing on his lips. “I don’t do charity. But your skincare is adequate. And it’s not every day I meet someone this close to unraveling. It’s almost entertaining.”

You stare at him, mouth hanging open like a fish. “Deal. Deal. I’ll make you whatever skincare you want, just get me through these finals.”

He gives a nod, satisfied. “Then we have a deal.”

And just like that, you’ve somehow bartered your way out of academic doom with a fairy obsessed with sun protection. Let’s hope this arrangement works out better than the rest of your life so far.

Apparently, fairies like Vil don’t believe in things like cheating or, you know, the basic decency of using magic to fix your problems instantly. No, that would be too easy. And Vil—your very pretty, very exasperating new fairy overlord—has decided that the best way to help you pass your finals is to tutor you personally.

His price? One skincare product per lesson. And you, being surprisingly decent at making potions and cosmetics (alchemy major, what else), agreed because, at the time, you thought, How hard could it be?

Sweet summer child. You had no idea what you were getting into.

Because Vil? He’s not just strict. He’s villain origin story strict. His “tutoring” is so intense, so grueling, that you’re starting to wonder if he’s secretly training you for some kind of sadistic mage boot camp. At one point, you fail a poison-brewing technique, and he makes you redo it. Then again. And again. And again.

By the fifteenth attempt, you’re seriously contemplating bottling the poison and taking a little sip just to see what happens.

“Again,” Vil says, his voice icily calm, like he hasn’t just been watching you fail for an hour straight.

“I think I’m seeing stars,” you mutter, staring at the cauldron. “Should potions be giving me a near-death experience?”

“Focus,” he says, completely unfazed by your descent into madness. “If you can’t even get this basic potion right, I have serious concerns about your competency as a mage.”

You’re on the verge of a mental breakdown. One more failed attempt, and you’re going to throw yourself off the nearest cliff. Or better yet—turn yourself into a toad and hop into a pot of boiling water. Anything to escape the relentless perfectionism of Vil Schoenheit.

“Maybe I’ll just hex myself into a mushroom and live out the rest of my life in peace,” you grumble under your breath as you stir the potion yet again.

“ What was that?”

“Nothing!” You stir faster.

To your utter shock, the potion finally turns the right color. You’ve done it. You’ve successfully brewed the poison, and it only took, what, half your lifespan?

Vil inspects it with a critical eye, and after a long, painful pause, he says, “Acceptable.”

“Acceptable?!” You want to scream. This is the culmination of blood, sweat, tears, and the remnants of your sanity, and all he has to say is acceptable?

“Yes, acceptable,” Vil repeats, as if your suffering isn’t the most amusing thing he’s seen all week. “You’ll need to refine your technique, of course, but this will suffice for now.”

You groan, head in your hands. “I’m going to transmute myself into a sock and live in someone’s laundry basket.”

But here’s the kicker: despite all of Vil’s strictness, he’s actually the nicest person (fairy?) you’ve ever met. You don’t know if that’s pathetic or straight-up depressing, but still, it’s true. He’s picky, yes, but he cares.

Apparently, Vil has a radar for poor life choices because one day, after what feels like your 57th failed poison attempt, he takes one look at the sad pile of instant noodles and energy drinks cluttering your desk and clicks his tongue in disapproval.

"You've been eating this?" He gestures at the disaster that is your meal—a cup of ramen sitting next to an open bag of questionable chips. His expression could curdle milk. "Do you actually value your internal organs, or are you trying to audition for the role of a trash panda?"

You blink, staring at your gourmet spread, and then back at him. "Excuse me, I’ll have you know, this is an advanced student diet. We run on caffeine and MSG."

He raises an eyebrow. "You’re not running on anything. You’re sputtering at best."

You open your mouth to argue, but then glance down at the pathetic excuse for food in front of you. Okay. Fine. Maybe you are sputtering. But what are you supposed to do, handcraft five-course meals between four finals and Vil’s poison-torture sessions?

Vil sighs dramatically, as if your very existence is a personal affront. "I’m not letting you continue this… self-destruction. You’re going to eat real food even if it kills you." He waves a hand, and suddenly a basket of the most beautiful, vibrant fruits and vegetables you've ever seen appears out of thin air. It's like the entire organic section of a high-end grocery store, but, you know, without the soul-crushing price tags.

"Where did you even get all this?" you ask, poking suspiciously at a particularly shiny apple. "Did you steal it from some enchanted Whole Foods?"

Vil glares at you like you’ve personally insulted his lineage. "I foraged it from my forest, you uncultured turnip."

You blink. "I’m a potato now, and a turnip? What’s next? Are we making a root vegetable salad?"

Vil rolls his eyes. "No, we’re making something that doesn’t resemble a cry for help. Get to it."

You sigh, but with Vil watching like a disapproving food critic, you figure you might as well try to impress him. You rummage through the basket, grab a few ingredients, and somehow manage to throw together a halfway decent stir-fry. You may be broke, but you can cook. It’s one of the few things that hasn't gone completely sideways in your life.

You serve it up with a flourish, smirking a little. "Voilà, a proper meal. Happy now?"

Vil inspects the plate with his usual level of judgment. You half-expect him to whip out a magnifying glass and start searching for flaws. Finally, he takes a bite, chews thoughtfully, and then gives you a rare, grudging nod of approval.

"Surprisingly competent for someone who survives on garbage," he says, in what you can only assume is Vil’s version of high praise.

"Wow, a compliment. I feel blessed," you deadpan, but you’re grinning. It’s not every day you get validation from a fairy with standards so high he probably judges oxygen.

Vil continues eating, and you join him, secretly proud of the fact that you managed to cook something that didn’t send him into a rant about toxins and poor life choices. For a moment, the two of you sit in companionable silence, just… eating. It’s weirdly nice.

After you both finish, Vil leans back, looking mildly satisfied. "If you continue to feed yourself like a proper human being," he says, "you might actually survive your finals."

"Yeah, well, if I keep spending time with you, I might also survive on sheer fear," you mutter.

He smiles, that rare, dazzling smile that makes your brain short-circuit for a moment. "Fear is a good motivator. But I expect more than just survival from you. I expect excellence."

You groan. "You know, for a fairy who showed up because of my embarrassing begging, you sure do expect a lot."

Vil just smirks. "You begged for help. I’m making sure you don’t embarrass yourself further by failing."

"Touché," you admit, stuffing another bite of food into your mouth to avoid further conversation.

You know, maybe being insulted by the prettiest fairy in existence while eating fresh, organic food isn’t the worst thing that’s happened to you.

But soon enough, it was back to work. After the food debacle, you whipped up a fresh batch of moisturizer for him. It’s something you’ve done a thousand times before, so you’re not expecting much.

Then Vil tries it. And his entire face lights up like you’ve just handed him the elixir of eternal youth.

“This is… impressive,” he says, his voice soft with genuine surprise. “It’s incredibly hydrating, and the texture is—” He pauses, then flashes you a smile that’s so dazzling, it practically sparkles. “You’ve outdone yourself.”

And then, out of nowhere, he leans over and kisses you on the cheek.

You freeze.

Your brain flatlines.

“Wha—Did you just—?”

Vil pulls back, completely unfazed by the fact that he just KISSED YOU. “If you continue to make products of this quality, I may have to keep you around longer.”

Your heart is still trying to restart, but you manage to nod. “Yeah… yeah, sure. Skincare. I can do that.”

You stare at him, wondering if this is real life or if you’ve just died and gone to some bizarre, fairy-run skincare hell. Because if that’s what’s happening, it’s starting to feel weirdly okay. Especially with the way he’s smiling at you.

And as you walk away, still reeling, you catch yourself thinking, Is dropping out of the academy to become Vil’s personal skincare maker really such a bad idea?

Honestly? With a smile like that? You’re starting to think it’s the best idea.

You’ve finally survived—ahem mastered—the hell that was poisons and advanced magical theory under Vil’s terrifyingly perfect supervision. You can now confidently brew lethal concoctions and analyze obscure spells without mentally cursing out every deity you can name. That’s progress. But of course, your next subject is Magical Beasts, and because life apparently hates you, it’s your worst one yet.

When you express this to Vil, expecting some helpful advice or perhaps even a break (hah, wishful thinking), he just waves a hand dismissively.

“I’ll ask a friend for help,” he says simply.

And that’s how you end up in the presence of the most extra fairy you’ve ever seen in your life. (Okay, you’ve met a grand total of two fairies, but still.)

The fairy in question bursts into your study room in a whirlwind of sparkles and sheer chaos, trailing a cloud of rose petals and the distinct scent of overly expensive perfume. He’s tall and elegant, his wings shimmering with iridescent hues, and before you can so much as blink, he’s speaking a mile a minute in a mix of French and pure gibberish.

“Mon cher! Quelle horreur! This room is an insult to aesthetics! Non, non, I simply cannot work in these conditions!” he cries dramatically, gesturing wildly at your meticulously organized notes.

You blink. “…What?”

But he’s already prancing around, rearranging your books and scattering glitter like some kind of deranged fairy godmother. Then, with zero transition, Rook starts rambling about magical beasts and their habitats in a way that has your head spinning. One minute he’s critiquing your choice of ink color (“Black? How dull!”), and the next he’s rattling off obscure beast facts with the enthusiasm of a caffeinated professor.

“The Hippogriff prefers moonlight baths! Ah, and the Knarl must be serenaded with music, or it will—how you say?—stab you!” he chirps, waving his delicate hands around in a way that seems more dangerous than helpful.

You’re sitting there, bewildered and slightly concerned for your sanity. “Wait, wait, wait, so—hold up, what do I do if a Knarl shows up in the daytime?”

Rook stares at you like you’ve just asked if water is wet. “Why, you run, of course!” Then he bursts into laughter, as if this is the funniest joke he’s ever heard.

By the end of the afternoon, you’ve lost count of the number of strange and sometimes horrifying tidbits he’s thrown at you. You’re pretty sure you’ve somehow become an expert in magical beast theory without consciously realizing it, and the sheer absurdity of the situation is enough to make you feel like your brain’s been hijacked.

“And that,” the fairy declares with a dramatic twirl, “is how you tame a Chimaera!”

You blink, staring at your notes, which are now a colorful mess of drawings, beast diagrams, and snippets of what you hope are actual instructions and not just fashion advice. “…I feel like I’ve learned a lot. But also absolutely nothing.”

“Perfect!” he crows. “You have done magnifique!”

Before you can process what the heck just happened, you decide to thank him the only way you know how: by giving him a small, beautifully-packaged vial of a custom serum. You’ve worked hard on this formula, combining the best of alchemy and skincare magic, and as soon as you hand it to him, his eyes go wide.

“Pour moi? C’est incroyable!” He clutches it dramatically to his chest, as if you’ve just gifted him a crown jewel. Then, without warning, he’s leaning in way too close, inspecting your face with an intensity that borders on obsessive. “Mon Dieu, you are a true artiste! So beautiful! So—”

“Excuse me,” a low, frosty voice cuts in.

You turn just in time to see Vil gliding over, expression smooth but eyes narrowed. With the grace of a professional diplomat (or maybe a particularly possessive cat), he slips between the two of you, placing a firm hand on the other fairy’s shoulder and gently guiding him away from your personal space.

“Thank you for your assistance, Rook,” Vil says with a polite smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “We appreciate your expertise, but I believe that’s enough for today.”

Rook pouts but finally relents. He throws one last, longing glance at your serum and then at you, as if you’re both equally captivating. “Ah, c’est dommage… I shall return!” With that, he flits off, leaving you standing there, more confused than ever.

You turn to Vil, raising an eyebrow. “Uh… thanks?”

But Vil isn’t looking at you like a savior. No, he’s looking at you like you’ve just betrayed his entire bloodline.

“Excuse me,” you ask, blinking in confusion. “Did… did I do something wrong?”

“You,” Vil says slowly, his voice dangerously soft, “are my skincare human.”

You stare at him. “Um. What?”

“Mine.” Vil’s gaze flickers pointedly between you and the direction Rook flew off in, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I did not agree to share your talents with anyone else.”

Oh. Oh.

“Vil,” you say, a grin spreading across your face despite yourself. “Are you… jealous?”

The way his expression shifts from imperious to indignant would almost be funny if it weren’t so incredibly satisfying. “Jealous?” he scoffs, tossing his hair back with a haughty flick. “Don’t be absurd.”

You glance pointedly at the pink tips of his ears, which are steadily darkening into a bright red.

“Riiight,” you say slowly. “Totally not jealous at all. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I’m not,” he insists, crossing his arms, but his voice is just a fraction too defensive.

“Sure, sure,” you say with a mock-serious nod, fighting to keep a straight face. “It’s just that, you know, your ears are kind of giving you away.”

Vil sputters, shooting you a glare that could melt glass. “You—!”

“I’m just saying!” you chirp, smirking as you lean back. “I’m your skincare human. Got it, boss.”

He narrows his eyes, but the flush on his ears betrays him. “Remember it,” he huffs, turning sharply on his heel. “And don’t you dare give away my products to anyone else without consulting me first.”

You watch him stalk off, your grin widening. Maybe studying under Vil isn’t so bad after all.

Finally, your last subject: Offensive Magic. You’re almost at the finish line, but there’s one little problem. Apparently, dueling Vil or Rook is a fast track to the afterlife, and you aren’t too keen on becoming a cautionary tale.

That’s how you find yourself facing off against the youngest of the bunch—a fairy named Epel. He looks as thrilled to be there as you are, which is to say, not at all.

“Vil made me do this,” he mutters under his breath, glaring at nothing in particular.

You quickly realize that Epel’s main emotion is mild resentment, which honestly? Relatable.

The duel begins, and you’re expecting something simple—maybe some low-level spells, something to pad out your barely passing grades. But then Epel smirks, lifts his hand, and suddenly, half the field explodes in a brilliant display of magic that has you rethinking your life choices. Like, seriously reconsidering everything that led you to this exact moment.

You’re left standing there, jaw practically on the floor as bits of dirt rain down around you. “Holy shit,” you breathe. “You’re so cool.”

Epel freezes. His eyes dart to you, clearly shocked by the praise, and he suddenly looks a lot less surly. “...Really?”

“Yeah! That was amazing! I didn’t even know you could do that!”

He rubs the back of his neck, trying to hide a smile. “Well, I’ve been practicing…”

And just like that, you’re friends. Bonded over the mutual understanding that Offensive Magic is both terrifying and awesome when Epel’s involved.

Later that day, after a lesson where you actually didn’t almost explode yourself (personal growth!), you, Vil, and Epel are lounging in the forest. Rook’s off doing...whatever mysterious thing he does, leaving you all in relative peace. You’re casually chatting about the lessons when Epel, totally offhandedly, drops the biggest bomb of the century.

“Yeah, well, you’re pretty lucky the king of the fairies decided to help you out.”

You blink. “The what?”

Epel gives you a look like you’ve just asked if the moon was real. “The king of the fairies. You know, Vil.”

You almost choke. “Vil’s the king of the fairies?” Your voice cracks like you’ve hit puberty again.

Vil, lounging nearby, doesn’t even flinch. “Didn’t I mention that?”

“NO. YOU DIDN’T.”

“Well, now you know.”

You stare at him, mind reeling. “I’ve been—wait—what in the Sevens—you’re the king of the fairies? And you just—casually tutor people? Like it’s no big deal?!”

Vil sighs, flipping through a book as if this is the most normal thing in the world. “I thought it was obvious.”

“It was not obvious!” You’re flailing at this point, and Epel is snickering behind his hand, clearly enjoying your existential crisis.

Vil’s still cool as a cucumber, but when you stammer, “No wonder you’re the most beautiful fairy I’ve ever seen,” you catch the faintest flicker of a smirk on his face. He straightens up just a little bit, clearly preening at the compliment.

Rook suddenly appears out of nowhere, laughing like he’s just witnessed the funniest thing in his life. “Ah! How charming! Our humble little mage finally sees the light!”

“Yeah, yeah,” you grumble, feeling your face heat up. “This is too much. My brain can’t handle this.”

The lesson ends, and you decide to thank Vil the only way you know how—by crafting him a night cream as a parting gift. You’ve gotten pretty good at making skincare, and you can tell he’s been eyeing this particular blend.

But then, in a rare moment of what can only be described as vulnerability, Vil hands you the jar and says, “Could you…apply it for me?”

You freeze. “Huh?”

He’s holding it out to you, but he’s not meeting your eyes, and—wait, are his hands shaking? You squint. Is he nervous?

Nah. Can’t be. Vil doesn’t do nervous.

“Sure,” you say, trying not to overthink it. You take the jar and start gently massaging the cream into his flawless skin. Vil closes his eyes, and for a moment, it’s almost…peaceful.

“You’re really good at this,” he murmurs.

You smile to yourself, oblivious to the emotional storm brewing inside him. “Thanks! I’ve been practicing.”

What you don’t realize is that this was your last lesson. Vil knows this. And for some reason, it’s hitting him hard. He’s spent all this time tutoring you, teaching you everything he knows, and now…you won’t need him anymore. You won’t come back. You’ll pass your exams and move on with your life, leaving him behind. And the thought of that—it stings more than he wants to admit.

Meanwhile, you’re completely unaware of his inner turmoil, humming to yourself as you finish applying the cream. “There you go. All set!”

You stretch, packing up your things, already mentally planning your next skincare batch for him. “Well, I’ll see you around, okay?”

“Wait.” Vil’s voice is soft, almost hesitant. You blink as he suddenly pulls you into a hug, catching you completely off guard.

“Uh…Vil?”

He’s holding you tightly, and when he speaks, his voice is a little sad. “Good luck.”

You frown, confused. “Why do you sound so sad? I'll pass my exams for sure after all your help.”

He doesn’t respond. You shrug and hug him back, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Alright, see you later, drama king.”

And with that, you stroll off, leaving Vil standing there, still holding on to the weight of his unspoken feelings.

Rook, watching from a distance, smiles knowingly. “Ah, how bittersweet…”

Epel just rolls his eyes. “Man, this is like watching a soap opera.”

You passed your exams. Scratch that—you topped them. You’re basically an academic legend now, leaving everyone wondering what kind of ancient god you made a pact with. The professors are whispering your name like you’re some ancient prodigy who’s been secretly acing exams since the dawn of time.

Naturally, you’ve decided to celebrate by making your magnum opus: the most legendary lip balm the world has ever seen. The kind of balm that could revive a dying star, or, more realistically, soothe the chapped lips of a certain fussy fairy.

With your glorious lip balm in hand, you set off to the forest to see Vil. The path is familiar, and yet, today something feels... off. The trees look droopy, the flowers are wilting—like someone forgot to water this whole section of the forest.

“Oh, great,” you mutter, stepping over a vine that looks like it’s given up on life. “Did everyone just forget what hydration is?”

When you reach Vil’s cottage, your gut instinct kicks into overdrive.

Something’s wrong. Really wrong. Your heart is racing. You knock once. Twice. Still nothing. Panic sets in, and before you know it, you’re knocking the door clean off its hinges in your haste.

“Oops,” you whisper, but there’s no time to dwell on it because you see someone on the bed. It’s Vil, and he’s looking about as far from his usual flawless self as you’ve ever seen. He’s feverish, pale, and frankly, it kind of looks like he's dying.

“Vil!” you rush over, shaking him gently. He opens his eyes, squinting at you like you’re an overly bright light in the middle of his fever dream.

“I didn’t know hallucinations could be so vivid,” he mumbles, his voice hoarse.

“What hallucinations? I’m real!” You’re practically crying now, shaking him harder. He just smiles faintly, completely convinced that you’re some fever-induced mirage.

Fantastic. Not only is he sick, but he also thinks you’re a figment of his imagination.

Frantically, you start brewing a cooling potion, your hands shaking as you mix the ingredients. Vil just watches you with a dazed, slightly amused expression, like he’s impressed that his hallucination has such a good grasp on potion-making.

“I’m real,” you repeat, as you pour the potion down his throat. He gives a tiny nod before slipping back into unconsciousness.

Cue full-on panic mode. You don’t know what’s happening or why Vil’s like this, so you do the only thing you can think of—you send a carrier pigeon to Rook, because of course fairies don’t have phones.

Rook shows up in record time, practically gliding into the cottage like some kind of majestic hunting bird. He takes one look at the pitiful scene—Vil feverish and weak, you hovering like an anxious mother hen—and smiles.

“Oh, he’s heartbroken,” Rook declares, as if that explains everything.

“Heartbroken?!” you echo, disbelief dripping from every syllable. “I saw him two days ago, and he was fine. How could he be heartbroken in two days?!”

“Ah,” Rook says, his eyes twinkling with dramatic flair, “fairies can only fall in love once, and when they do, they fall hard. He thought you wouldn’t return after your exams. He was suffering in silence, believing you’d move on without him.”

You stare at Rook, dumbfounded. “Is he blind?!” You throw your hands in the air. “I’ve been horrendously in love with him since day one! How could he not notice?”

Rook just beams at you, like you’ve confirmed his favorite romantic theory. “Ah, l’amour. So tragic, yet so beautiful.”

At this point, you’re ready to throw your hands up in frustration. How does Vil not notice? You’ve been making him skincare products, practically living in his cottage, and hovering over him like a lovesick puppy. Could he really think you were just going to leave? But of course, Vil—being Vil—had assumed you’d outgrow him and move on to something better, leaving him behind like a discarded serum bottle.

With renewed determination, you take care of Vil, nursing him back to health with potions and plenty of water. You even manage to coax him to eat something other than the fairy equivalent of air-dried kale. Slowly, he starts looking more like himself, his fever fading and his color returning. But when he finally wakes up, fully lucid, his eyes widen in shock.

“You... you’re real?” he whispers, staring at you like you’re some miraculous vision.

“Yes, I’m real,” you huff, crossing your arms. “And I made this.” You pull out the lip balm you’ve been working on, your prized creation. You swipe some on your lips and then lean down to kiss him.

Vil blinks, stunned into silence. After a moment, a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “That’s... a surprisingly effective balm.”

You grin, feeling the tension melt away. “Maybe you should test it again.”

Vil wastes no time, pulling you in for another kiss, his lips soft and cool from the balm. He kisses you a second time, then a third—because, well, it’s important to make sure the balm has long-lasting effects, right?

But then, you pull back slightly, the grin slipping from your face. “Vil, I... I passed all my exams. I even got an offer to move to the capital.”

Vil’s entire body tenses. His hands, still resting on your waist, tighten slightly as his eyes flicker with something you can’t quite place—fear? Dread? Whatever it is, it’s like a storm cloud settling over him.

“Oh.” His voice is soft, but there’s a weight to it, like he’s bracing himself for the inevitable. “I see.”

You can feel the tension in his body, the way he’s holding himself so carefully, as if preparing for you to tell him you’re leaving. That you’re going to take the offer and disappear from his life, just like he feared. He’s already trying to let you go, even as his hands tremble slightly against your waist. It hits you all at once—how terrified he must have been, thinking you’d leave him behind.

For a moment, you just watch him, your heart aching at the sight of his barely concealed distress. And then, finally, you say, “I declined the offer.”

Vil’s breath catches. His eyes snap up to yours, wide with disbelief. “You... you what?”

You smile, leaning in closer. “I declined. I’m not going anywhere, Vil. In fact...” You take a deep breath, your grin widening. “I’m opening a skincare shop right here, on the edge of the forest. And I’m going to live here. With you. No arguments.”

For a moment, Vil just stares at you, as if he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. Then, slowly, the tension in his body dissolves, replaced by pure, unfiltered relief. His hands, which had been shaking moments ago, steady as they pull you closer, wrapping you in a tight embrace.

“You’re staying?” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion.

“I’m staying,” you confirm, your heart swelling at the way he’s holding you, like he’s afraid to let go.

Vil presses his forehead against yours, his eyes closing as he takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I love you,” he murmurs, his voice so soft, you almost miss it.

Your heart skips a beat. You smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I love you too, drama king.”

Vil huffs out a small, breathy laugh, pulling you down into the bed with him, his arms wrapped securely around you. For a moment, everything is still, peaceful, as you lie there together, tangled in each other’s arms. Neither of you says a word, content just to hold each other, the weight of the past few days finally lifting.

And as you drift off to sleep, you can’t help but feel a sense of warmth, knowing that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be—by Vil’s side, where you’ve always belonged.

I'm so deeply in love with this man it's kinda embarrassing

Masterlist

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #vil schoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit x you #vil x reader #vil schoenheit #vil #twst vil #twst vil x reader

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iamnotdeadyet · 3 months ago

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Falling to Temptation |Pt.1

Priest! Gojo x Succubus! Reader

|°•°°•°•°|

After a long day of administering the sacrament, teaching and overall assisting in missionary work as the Father of his holy church, Gojo had taken a seat in his rectory, reading a book in his hands about the many kinds of religion.

You, however, were watching him from Hell, it wasn’t sure what your intentions or thoughts were of Gojo. But all you know for sure: You enjoy stoic men, and he was exactly that.

You were fascinated by how he can keep his head high with his expression unchangingly neutral. He was one cold man that isn’t easily swayed by others nor his own emotion. You wanted to drive his gears, to absolutely gain the objectory of pissing this man off. It exhilarated you.

So you decide to summon to where he is, of course.

A low chuckle could be heard in the room as all candles and lights were turned off. Then a clawed hand presses on his thigh.

He feels the sudden presence, his eyes flickering up from the book, his gaze piercing through you with an icy stare. He doesn't react, not moving a muscle, his hand continues to hold the book, his finger marking the page before setting it down on a table. He wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of a reaction.

He arches a brow, not breaking eye contact with you, his hypnotizing blue eyes not giving nothing away.

"Oh, you're spoiling me with your silence, Priest.~" a sultry voice whispers in his ear. His Adams apple bobs as he gulps, feeling hot everywhere.

Gojo's expression hardens slightly, his jaw clenching, but he maintains his composure. He speaks in a low, calm voice, "I am a man of God, not a plaything. I suggest you remove your hand."

"Oh no, whatever shall I do?~" your tone is mocking as you trace a finger down to his crotch before resting your palm on it.

Gojo's breath hitches slightly as your hand makes contact with his crotch, his muscles tensing. He tries to maintain his composure, but his voice cracks slightly as he speaks, "I-I warned you once, now I'm telling you again. Remove. Your. Hand."

A low sinister chuckle vibrates through the room before he finds his limbs locked to where they were resting. A spell, a hex of some sort.

"You should've made your move first."

Gojo's body goes rigid with the threat, his face contorted in a mix of frustration and anger. His eyes bore into yours, filled with unspoken words and unsaid threats.

His eyes flash with anger, but he's powerless to do anything as you slowly unbuckle his belt, unbutton his pants, and lower his zipper. His breathing grows heavier, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "Don't." You only grin at his poor attempt at making you back down.

His body trembles as you reach into his pants and pull out his cock your touch sending a jolt of electricity through him. He tries to resist, but he's completely under your control. His eyes are filled with shame and humiliation, but also a spark of desire.

"Such a pretty sight, aren't ya, Priest?" You exclaim after ruining his hair and cutting his cheek with one of your sharp claws. As Gojo watched the small amount of blood that oozed out he almost missed how your thumb went to press on his tip, circling the slit. Almost.

He grits his teeth, his face turning red. He struggles against the spell, but it's no use. Gojo can only watch as you admire his helpless state, his cock standing at attention-the tip red and leaking precum-despite his efforts to resist. "Shut up...you...wicked demon..."

You laugh and pout, faking offense. "Awe~ Come on, dont act like that... You're hurting my feelings!~" Still pouting, you wrap your hand around his shaft, giving it a good squeeze and enjoying the whimper that falls from Gojo's lips.

His head falls back, a low groan escaping his lips as you start moving your hand up and down, finding all the sensitive veins. He tries to speak, but the words catch in his throat, replaced by a sharp gasp. His body shudders, and he can feel himself slipping further and further under your spell. "Stop..." he mutters weakly, not knowing if he meant it or not himself.

"Feelin' a lil doubtful aren't we, Priest?~" you find yourself speeding your hand and easing the spell just to hear the sinful but oh so beautiful whimpers fall from his lips.

His breathing grows ragged, his face contorted in a mask of shame and pleasure. He tries to hold back, to resist the sensation, but it's no use. His body betrays him, his hips bucking forward to meet your touch. "Please...stop..." "I can't...ngh!"

"What's wrong, Priest? Begging already?" You weren't complaining though, that much was clear.

He lets out a strangled cry, his eyes rolling back in his head as you suck his balls. "Haah...hnnngh!!~" Your tongue was doing an expert job, licking and swirling around them. His voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper as he struggles to remember verses from the Bible he once vowed not to break. "I...am...the...priest...of...the...holy...church...I will not...bend...to... Ah!~ Fuuckkk!!"

The chuckle that leaves you was almost breathless as you drink in the view before you. The once stoic priest turned to putty in your hands. Snow white hair disheveled, marvelous blue eyes pricked with tears, lips parted open with moans and whines coming out as if he were singing them to you.

You lean your head down, pulling his foreskin down to reveal the swollen, burning red tip of his aching cock, and then taking it into your mouth. His self control ebbed away with each touch your tongue left on him and Gojo could feel his cock throb. A whimper escaped his lips as he glanced down and he swore he could cum right then and there.

You were playing with your clit, slick dripping down on the floor as your tail thrusted in and out you. As you take him into your mouth, his hands ball into fists and all words of protest he had earlier faded away, leaving him a blabbering mess.

"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseeeee!!~ 'm so close! Fuuuuckkk...ooh, right thERe!!"

He was big, veiny and the girth made your jaw ache. You struggled to put him whole in your mouth but when his tip hit the back of your throat and your nose was being tickled by his pubic hair, you felt satisfied with your work. Your head was a blur, moving in an inhumane speed and only then did Gojo's facade break completely.

Broken moans and loud, pitiful whimpers left his mouth everytime your throat constricted around him while you gagged. His eyes rolled back into his head, lips pursued then opened again in a silent scream as he shut his eyes tight. Embarrassingly soon, you felt warm spurts of cum in your throat and you pulled back, letting them fall on your tongue and breasts. The holy man was reduced to a panting, whimpering mess at only your mouth.

His gaze follows the movement of your hand as it wraps around his softening cock, his eyes wide as he watches you swallow his cum. A shudder runs through him, and he buries his face in one of his hands, his voice muffled as he speaks. "Fuck...fuck, fuck, fuck...what have you done to me?"

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I wanted to do this a two-part bc its too long so...enjoy!!♥︎

iamnotdeadyet owns this

#gojo smut #jjk #gojo #gojo x fem! reader #gojo x fem reader #gojo x reader smut #gojo x y/n #gojo x female reader #gojo x f!reader #gojo x reader #gojo x you #jjk x reader #jujutsu gojo #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen #Spotify

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 24 days ago

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Who's the Black Heart?

(SPOILERS!)

Ok Agatha all along theory time, because there was a moment in ep 6 that opened up the mystery of who the black heart on the list of names for the coven really represented, a mystery that I think we had all thought was already solved. But during ep 6 Billy's boyfriend, Eddie, sends him a message saying 'you're my 🖤'. So now there have been three characters who could potentially be the person behind the black heart on the coven list, Sharon who in wandavision was identified, along with her husband, as a black heart on the calendar and whose alias was Mrs Hart, Rio who tells Agatha that she has a black heart and that it beats for her and now Billy. So which one is the black heart that lilia put on the list and who was meant to be part of the coven?

Well my theory is that the answer is actually all three of them, here's my reasoning. When Lilia gives Agatha the list she says 'here's a list of four names, looks like you've got your coven' and as the audience we assume the four names are Jen, Lilia, Alice and whoever the black heart is. But I went back and looked at that moment again and noticed something:

Agatha's name is also on the list. So the four names are Agatha, Lilia, Jen and Alice, which are the four names that we see written here. The black heart is not seen as it's out of shot.

So whilst we at first assume the coven is meant to be made up of five witches, Agatha and the four names, I actually think the coven is meant to be made up of seven. After all 7 as a number is meant to hold magical significance. Part of the reason why 7 is considered a magical number is because it combines the holy trinity and the 4 elements bringing together the earthly and the divine.

Which brings me to the ballad because within the ballad there is the line 'darkest power, wake thy power, earthly and divine' in the first verse. Which I think could be a clue that there is supposed to be 7 members of the coven. As I said above the number 7 is also connected to the 4 elements which are also mentioned in the first verse of the ballad, in the line right before, 'Gather sisters fire, water, earth and air.'

Now the holy trinity, the other half of the magical number 7, isn't mentioned in the ballad, however the maiden, mother, crone is and this particular trinity you could argue is a witches version of the holy trinity, there is that moment when they are on the broomsticks and Billy is saying oh God repeatedly and Lilia tells him to try praying to the divine mother, which could indicate that the maiden, mother, crone trinity holds the same significance to witches as the holy trinity does to those of the Christian religion.

Another thing that is interesting is that in the second verse three more figures are mentioned, you have the lines 'I hold Death's hand in mine', 'Familiar by thy side' and 'Spirit as our guide.'

So I actually think that the four elements represent Lilia as air, Jen as water, Alice as fire and Sharon as earth. Now I know what you might be thinking, but Sharon isn't a witch let alone a green witch, Rio is the green witch. And true, but I think that's where the twist is going to come in, we all think this but we know that Sharon was good with plants, when Agatha approaches her to invite her she is gardening and Agatha comments on the garden and I feel like there was a point to that as opposed to it being a throw away line. Also Agatha mentions that within a three mile radius there will be a collection of witchy enough people to form a coven and I think Sharon is one of these witchy enough persons, she may not be a full on witch but there's enough magic about her for her to be included within the coven. As to what may give her some magical quality it could be something as simple as she has an ancestor way way back that was a witch so she's kind of a blood witch but it was so far back now that she doesn't possess any obvious magical abilities. Another possibility, though, is Wanda's hex. This idea of the hex changing people in a magical kind of way has been explored before. When in the hex Ralph Bohner was able to use super speed, passing through the hex gave Monica Rambeau powers and being created in the hex meant Billy and Tommy also had powers, Billy's powers as we have seen continued after the hex was gone as did Monica's. So maybe Sharon was left with just the smallest hint of magic due to the time she spent in Wanda's hex, again not necessarily enough to give her full blown magical powers but just enough to count her as part of the coven. Maybe she became extra skilled at gardening and plants etc in a slightly magical kind of way if I am making sense there. That could also be what Agatha meant when they were digging a grave for Sharon and she said 'I didn't know you had it in you.' Maybe Agatha realised that there was something at least a little magical about Sharon.

Ok so if those four are the elements who are the three figures mentioned in the second verse. Well I think death is actually Rio, I mentioned in my ep 4/5 review that I think Rio may either get her powers from people dying by like absorbing their souls or that she could be a grim reaper type figure based on some of the things she and Agatha have said. I think they are trying to trick us with Rio being a green witch, after all there is some cross over between earth and death, you know burial, returning to the earth and all that, I also do think that there is a connection between Sharon and Rio and they are supposed to mirror each other and we are supposed to connect them so that we are kept confused about who is really represented by what. Sharon did die and ended up in the earth, rio came out of that grave, rio is a green witch but Sharon also has something of a green thumb etc.

When it comes to who the familiar is supposed to be I think it's pretty obvious, the only person we've seen referred to as a familiar is Billy and he has been addressed this way on multiple occasions. Familiars are also considered to be spirits or supernatural beings which does kind of fit with Billy as he is technically a soul or spirit that took over a vessel.

The spirit I think might be in reference to Agatha. Episode 5 covered the spirit trial and that was agatha's trial, it seemed she has the ability to commune with spirits. As rio said who better to commune with the dead than someone whose put so many in the ground.

Going back to the trinity though I think Billy, Agatha and Rio are also meant to represent the maiden, mother and crone. Maiden could be representing youth and innocence, Billy is obviously the youngest of the group and when he started the journey on the road had that youthful innocence about him. Agatha would represent the mother, we know that she had a son but we have also seen her show a motherly concern and protection towards Billy, then Rio would represent the crone, old age and death, the end of life etc, although it isn't confirmed that she is the oldest, most ancient of the group from the way she said she was the green witch as opposed to a green witch makes me think she was the original.

Another reason why I think the list actually included all seven of the characters as members of the cove , is because each of them have taken part in the trials on the road and I feel like if any of them truly wasn't part of the coven that wouldn't have been allowed. We know the road has rules and that it has ways of making you follow them, like agatha's wine refilling, the house always appearing in front of them and being forced back down to the road when on the broomsticks. So I think the rule is everyone who is a part of the coven at that time, unless they die, has to take part in the trial some way. Even when it comes to opening the door to the road I feel like it wouldn't have worked if Sharon didn't have something magical about her and if she wasn't supposed to be part of the coven. She also takes part in the first trail. But Billy also technically takes part in the trials, including the first one even though he didn't drink the wine, he still took part in helping make the potion and his blood was used in the potion. Which if you think about it, if Billy hadn't been there and the rules were everyone in the coven has to drink that would have made the trial impossible to pass, as there wouldn't have been anyone to give the blood of the unpoisoned. So whilst we were all thinking that Billy didn't need to drink because he wasn't part of the coven and the glass kept refilling because not everyone in the coven had drunk it, I actually think that the truth is the rules were everyone but one member had to drink the wine, the glass kept refilling because too many members of the coven hadn't drunk the wine. Hoping that makes sense. I think there would always have been one less glass available than there were members of the coven, irregardless of whether Billy the underage teen was there or not. Rio also takes part in some of the trails as well after Sharon dies, so all of them have taken part in some way.

So basically tldr is there are supposed to be seven members of the coven, the four earthly elements, Lilia, Jen, Alice and Sharon and then the trinity Billy, Agatha and Rio. The list of four names was Agatha, Lilia, Jen and Alice and the black heart represented the three as of yet unknown members of the coven, Sharon, Rio and Billy. I mean I could be totally wrong about all of this but it makes sense in my head, I do think there are more layers and double meanings to some of the lines in the ballad like the spirit guide could also be Sharon's and/or Alice's spirit coming back in the future etc, but I've already written an essay so I think I will leave it there for now.

#agatha all along #agatha all along spoilers #agatha harkness #billy maximoff #rio vidal #lilia calderu #jennifer kale #alice wu gulliver #sharon davis #mrs hart

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gavillain · 26 days ago

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AGATHA EPISODE SIX SPOILER DISCUSSION; HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A GOOD EPISODE!!!!

A LOT happened in this episode, and we got a LOT of answers!

I'm really glad we got Billy Kaplan/Billy Maximoff's full backstory here at the midway point, and I really enjoy the way this episode bridged the gap between WandaVision and Agatha All Along. I'm just really excited to see Billy's story getting adapted here in general too. Obviously it's a bit different from the comics, but they kept a lot of the core ideas of it in tact. And I'm super happy to see that they explicitly kept his Jewishness in tact as well given the MCU's unfortunate habit of erasing or neglecting Jewish identities. We find out here that Billy Maximoff's spirit is inhabiting the body of Billy Kaplan, who died in a car accident the day the Hex came down. We also find out that Lilia was the one who put the sigil on Billy after reading his palm and seeing his broken life line (I was surprised but I thought that reveal was very satisfying). We find out that Billy's boyfriend's name is Eddie, so he's not Teddy Altman and thus probably not Hulkling, which I personally never really thought but other people were theorizing.

Oh and RALPH BOEHNER RETURNS!!!! :D Honestly, I didn't think I would care, but my boyfriend and I went WILD when we saw him pop up. A+ callback right there :D And I like him being the one to sort of facilitate Billy going to Westview after Agatha. After how little he did in WandaVision post-reveal that he wasn't Pietro, it was nice to see him get a bit more relevance again in the overarching plot.

Agatha pulls herself out of the mud and survives, and I also really loved how Agatha wasn't mad or vengeful towards Billy. She was legitimately excited to see him and know who he was. Their relationship is one of the most interesting parts of the show, so I'm glad to see that it's not totally being burned to the ground. Obviously, Billy is fully in the right not to trust Agatha, but we're now at a juncture where the two of them are going to be more open and honest with each other, and that has me excited! We just saw Agatha last episode prove why she is still very much a villain, but we also saw that Billy has a bit of a dark side in him too. I think we're gonna see Billy be torn between good and evil as the show goes forward and deciding what type of witch he wants to be, with Agatha being the proverbial devil on his shoulder. I made the comparison a few weeks back about Agatha and Billy being Maleficent and Riku from Kingdom Hearts in another font, and that seems to be the direction we're heading, which excites me.

Theory wise, there's not a whole lot of new theories for me at least, other than the ones continuing from previous episodes, but I do have a few more scattered thoughts: *Eddie uses the black heart emoji for Billy, so does that mean HE was the black heart that Lilia wrote on the list instead of Rio? If so, it's kind of weird that HE would be a "black heart" in any way. But also this still has me thinking that Blackheart may yet be involved. Not as Rio (who we pretty much know is Death due to leaks), but maybe somewhere else? I dunno, I'm not giving up hope that he or Mephisto are involved, even if it's just as an after credits scene.

*BILLY HAVING A BLACK CAULDRON POSTER IN HIS ROOM MADE ME SO FRIGGIN' HAPPY! To see Disney acknowledging that movie always warms my heart, but to know that Billy is a fan in this universe is REALLY cool and gives me a sort of kinship with him. Love to the underloved!

*Rio is still MIA since Alice died. Is she still tending to Alice or is she doing something else?

*Lilia and Jen aren't dead, and we know as much, but they didn't escape the bog with Agatha, so I'm wondering if the next trial will see the get out or maybe see them waiting there for Agatha and Billy.

*Billy is apparently on the road to find Tommy, which makes a lot of sense. I know people are upset that he's not after Wanda, but I genuinely don't think Wanda's return to the MCU was ever going to be in another TV show. I think, if Wanda returns, it's going to be in Avengers Doomsday, much like her return in the comics during Children's Crusade. But I'm excited to see if Tommy DOES return in this show or if Billy's ambitions are going to remain unresolved at the end of the road. I'm excited to find out!

NEXT EPISODE WITH SPEED PLEASE! I have a MIGHTY need to see Billy in that Maleficent cosplay in what I assume is the next trial… yes, I am, as ever, myself XD

#agatha all along #agatha harkness #agatha all along spoilers #billy kaplan #billy maximoff

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thatonefanficwriternooneknows · 1 month ago

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Corrie Week Day 3: “You shouldn’t be here”

Started writing this yesterday cause I’m spending most of today driving to get to our art class and then art class 😂

And there’s a lot of free time between Halloween shows ;)

As requested by @somestorythoughts ;) thanks for the brain worm!

“Really Commander? What in the kriff did you get into this time? Why is blood pouring from the seams of your kute?”

Hex rushed into Fox’s office, already swinging his medpack off his back and opening it for easy access. He slid it across the floor to the bunk Fox thought he didn’t know about.

“Hex? You…you’re not supposed to be here.” Fox wheezed out, chest hitching with each gasp of breath he took. Clearly a broken rib or two.

But Hex was more concerned about wherever that much blood was coming from.

“I’m the kriffing CMO and you’re injured. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.” Hex scoffed as he pushed Fox towards the bunk, carefully starting to de-shell his patient as he did.

Fox tried to stop him, but his arms were so weak Hex could push them away easily as he carefully placed the bloody armor out of the way. (A clear sign something was really really wrong. Even through all the haran that Coruscant has put them through, the ration cuts, the natborns, the GAR’s hatred, Fox remained the toughest shabuir the Corries had. The fact that Hex could easily push him way was a bad kriffing sign.)

“Let, let me rephrase then,” Fox gasped out, groaning as Hex pulled a little too hard on his kute when removing it from the gaping kriffing wound in his chest, “you shouldn’t be here.”

Hex growled at the stubborn di’kut and dug in his med pack one handed to get out the pre-portioned hypo, priming it as he brought the needle to Fox’s neck.

Of course the absolute besom knocked it out of Hex’s hands because he’s a self sacrifice kriffing moron.

“Fox, I swear to every holy and unholy deity I’ve ever heard of, including you, that if you do not let me give you this pain reliever I will tie you down and make you take it.”

Fox weakly glared at Hex, but bared his neck a few moments later, obviously realizing he wasn’t going to win against Hex.

“Good vod.”

Hex was then allowed the rare view of the Marshall Commander of the Coruscant Guard flushing a fetching scarlet.

“Kinky…” Fox’s voice slurred a little as the pain relief kicked in and Hex let his tense muscles relax slightly as Fox started to slowly blink at him.

“It is quite similar to the last time we were together, isn’t it? Could do without the blood and clearly life threatening injury.” Hex snarked, trying not to get distracted by Fox’s bare tits when there was a gaping kriffing wound right below them.

(He was a simple vod, and Fox was stunning even when beat to haran and bloody as kriff.)

“Wish it was more like that…”

“Oh? Want to let me order you around again, commander? Let you turn off your scheming brain for an hour or two?” Hex talked slowly while getting out the surgical thread and needle.

“Mmmm. My favorite…part of the month, Hex.” Fox breathed slowly as Hex started stitching the gash closed.

His commander was a kriffing awful patient, but he knew how to breath the right way when Hex had to stitch a wound on his abdomen up.

“I thought that was when Quinlan surfaces from the lower levels and kidnaps you for a day or two.” Hex laughed under his breath at the stank face Fox made at him.

“Why the kriff-”

“You can’t fool me, Fox, that trash tooka lights up your life.” Hex tied the surgical thread tightly, snapping it carefully and putting the excess away.

“Just like…Prost and…Hetic do…to yours.”

Hex scowled.

(The downside to knowing Fox for so kriffing long was that the bastard knew just as much about Hex and he knew about Fox.

It was a very equal relationship.)

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” When in doubt, deny it out.

Fox laughed lightly before coughing some bloody spittle onto his chin.

Of course there was internal bleeding.

“I need to give you a bacta injection, Fox.” Hex was already reaching for the scarce necessity, keeping an eye on Fox so the madvod didn’t try and knock it out of his hands again.

“No.”

“It’s cute that you think I’m giving you a choice. You have internal bleeding, you besom.”

Fox, of course,

#scream screams #screamhoney things #star wars #commander fox #coruscant guard #corrie week 2024 #corrieweek #corrieweek2024 #polyamory #clonecest

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coffincestuous · 8 months ago

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the progress report!! #3

happy march 1st!! kit9’s third progress report dropped today with a special bonus from nemlei!!

firat things first, we have The Entity in the thumbnail!! are they a little bigger to anyone else..? just me? anyways, the lights are a fun addition to the demon/dream world. i’m sure this has no importance whatsoever (lying)

next, we have… this. our dear protagonists caught in a compromising position, oh no!! seriously, though. what are they doing here? were they going to fuck in the car? good for them!! they don’t look very pleased to be disturbed by whoever this is, or disturbed at all. hopefully this isn’t anyone they used to know.

here, we have… the chapter two decay route vision area. you know, the one where andrew is chasing down ashley to murder her or get murdered.

yeah, that one.

it’s very interesting that we come back here. i wonder if this is still the decay route? also, why are we only seeing andrew’s little pixel sprite here? is she on one of the other sections? is this her vision or andrew’s? it seems to me that it’s ashley’s, considering we’ve been here before, but who knows!! there’s an axe and a signpost missing, and the tone of this preview reads a whole lot differently than the vision did at the end of chapter two.

i wonder what has prompted ashley to ask andrew what he wants? i wonder if he’ll be honest? i wonder if this is an important moment, or if it’s just them fucking around? god, i’m SO excited

little andy spotted!! and mrs graves. she is clearly unhappy about something, and i’m thinking it has to do with leyley. doesn’t it always, when it comes to mrs. graves? my guess is that she’s asking him to keep her out of trouble, but it’s just a guess. we’ve seen before that he only curls up in a ball like this when he’s really upset (and still does it as an adult). poor thing.

here, we see andrew with the entity in the thumbnail area, with the lights and everything. shout out to the little darkened souls in the far corners of the picture. our dear andrew is trying to negotiate with the demon.

i think that this is a huge moment in the game and the plot going forward!! assuming this is the burial route, ashley’s been asked to bring him along, AND he has that hex mark on his hand!! this demon is going to steal his soul!! ashley’s gonna be mad.

this could potentially happen in the decay route, too. if we assume the earlier dream/vision sequence is decay, this could be decay. maybe he’s going to meet the entity on his own regardless of what happens with ashley. again, who knows!!

[id: a screenshot of steam. the text reads “Next Episode. From the work completed so far, this episode will be the longest yet. Even in its unfinished state, it is roughly the length of both previous episodes combined. / Once finished, this episode will be released as a major content update, and work on the final episode will begin. / It is still too soon to give any release dates.” end id.]

before, nemlei had said episode three will be split into two separate chapters (one for each route), but maybe this has changed!! the length is… beyond my expectations, truthfully!! it’s longer than both episode one and two combined. holy shit??? that’s So Much Content. i think i will officially be losing my mind upon its release, and even more so when the game is finished. omg!!!!!!

finally, we have THIS!!!!

thank you nemlei. she knows what her fans want to see :33

(i think i need to set this as my phone background or something. it’s SO CUTE!!! i don’t even know where to start expressing my absolute JOY with this image!!!)

#tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #coffincest #tcoaal screencaps #devlog #coffin.txt

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delqcate · 2 years ago

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tonight, i'm gonna dance, for all that we've been through

(credits to gif owner!) | back to nav

summary - y/n make the mistake of accepting a daft boy's invitation to the yule ball and she has nothing to do but miss out on the fun, but draco malfoy would change that

warnings - rusty writing, modern day hogwarts (?), so many references to taylor swift that i "accidentally" snuck in, slight cormac slander, one cuss word, quite short, not proofread

paring - d.m. and y.n.

a/n - hey, it's been a while, i know i haven't been as active and people haven't really been interested in what i write anymore but i had that one part of holy ground in my head and i saw this prompt in my fic ideas so an idea sparked, i hope you guys enjoy <3

also yes we're just going to pretend that i didn't have a breakdown earlier ��

Y/N LOOKS OVER at the entrance. the daft gryffindor whom she decided to go to the yule ball with never came. she doesn't really know how it never occurred to her that he probably just asked her out for a stupid dare, but she saw it as an opportunity to make a special someone jealous.

draco malfoy, slytherins finest.

or in her eyes, her childhood best friend.

she wanted to ask him out; or more so him to ask her out, but she never had the guts to cause of her ever growing crush for the blonde boy. it's a little cliche but during one cruel summer night y/n invited him over for a sleepover cause she had another breakdown. she said a silly, lame, little joke that she knew wasn't even funny but he laughed, and that laugh hit her right in the heart and slowly melted into a puddle.

" y/n ? you alright there, darling ? " she snaps out of her thoughts and looks up at the voice; finding out it belonged to the same boy who owns her heart. " oh- yeah i'm fine, draco. don't worry. " she puts on a reassuring smile and watches as sits beside her. " so, where's mclaggen ? if that gryffindork stood you up i will hex him " he chuckles, not expecting her to look down and clear her throat. his mood changing almost immediately.

" y/n..did he really ? " draco looks down at her with a frown, anger slowly growing in him. she sniffles and mumbles " i think it was all a silly dare from his friends..i genuinely thought he wanted to come with me. pansy even helped me pick out a nice dress even if she didn't think too kindly of cormac. " she looks at him, her eyes now all glossy. " oh- love, c'mere.. " he hugs her gently and rubs her back, playing with her hair as she rests her chin on his shoulder.

" next time i see him i will kill him.. " he mutters under his breath, smiling at y/n's soft giggle. followed by a sniffle as she mumbles " don't mess my hair up, please. " he laughs softly and nods, mumbling, " i won't. now, you stay right here love. i have something to do. " he kisses her head and stands up, walking over to the dj. y/n watches from afar as draco jogs back to her as the dj plays a new song.

y/n's eyes widen in realization as the song plays, her heart melting like crazy as she looks over at draco's silly smile. " i know you like this muggle singer. so i suppose if mglaggen won't make this night memorable for you, how about i do? " he stretches his hand out to her and she sniffles with a wide smile, taking his hand before dragging him to the dance floor. y/n's laughs and little dance moves are the only thing draco cared about at that moment.

he takes her hand and twirls her around, laughing with her as she falls onto him. his body thankfully stopping them from falling, then it's as if they were both in a movie. time had slowed down, both of them staring into each other's eyes. and just like clockwork, they slowly leaned in for a kiss. their eyes shut, enjoying every moment. after a while they both pull back and jump a little as they hear cheering.

they both look to the side and see their friends cheering. especially a very enthusiastic pansy jumping up and down on heels, screaming, " i fucking knew it ! pay up boys ! "

they both laugh and look at each other again to share another small, but tender kiss before he leans into her ear and whispers. " i've been listening to more of this muggle singers songs and checked the name of a very interesting song i was listening to that i remember you telling me it reminded you of me. london boy, was it ? " he asks teasingly before she laughs and slaps his chest before whispering back " yes, and many others from that album. "

he chuckles and pulls something out of his pocket, " is this one of them ? " he opens his palm and inside lays two paper rings, one green and one he painted silver. y/n's mouth drops and she lets out a small squeal. " draco lucius malfoy, you did not just make us paper rings ! " he chuckles and takes one of her hands, slipping it onto her ring finger. she bites her lip to contain her wide smile as she does the same to him, whispering as she does so,

" i take this magnetic force of a man to be my...lover "

#★ — ﹙daydreaming . . . 📜﹚#★ — ﹙draco . . . 💐﹚#draco malfoy #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy x female reader

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kellerybird · 1 year ago

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My contribution for @ocrosemagazine ✨

I’ve had so much going on irl I almost forgot to share this even though I love it so much!! Look at me babies!

#rink draws things #oh holy hex!#artists on tumblr #webcomics on tumblr #webcomics #art #digital art

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beesmygod · 7 months ago

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What's your take, if you have one, on the cut moon presence boss on the lake of mud?

as always, i dont know. i thought i didn't really have much to say but the more i typed the more i Realized. but i still don't really know lol. this is really image heavy, which made it long, so most of it is under a readmore.

e: hello bea from the future here. hey. this gave me so much to chew on for the next section in a shockingly positive direction. thank you so much for getting this ball rolling

it half-relevant but there's also some kind of. intermediary thing. i think it's the same shape as the used moon presence but its blue. for some reason.

no animations on this one, so it was cut early. different "faces" as well. or the low quality of the cut one doesn't maintain the "features" as accurately.

oh what the fuck. hold on. look at the head of the "lake of mud" (LOM from now on) moon presence compared to the others

ive made posts in the past about anti-clockwise and clockwise metamorphosis runes possibly referencing the in-game phenomenon of creature's heads being turned in odd directions. loran silverbeasts and the crawler enemies (ostensibly both loran/nightmare frontier residents) have their "heads" turned clockwise, like above. slime scholar and probably other things i cant remember turn anti-clockwise.

the crawlers are....i mean they're gross. but also uncanny. there's SOMETHING going on here, right? god only know what though. they are also known for the grim sight you can take in when they rear up to Get You: their...stomach?? is rife with messengers. being consumed? maybe? it evokes the image of the artbook moon presence, who is swarming with messengers in the same area of its body.

anyway back to the little creep.

in the center of its chest there's this bizarre unknown thing. if you peel away the majority of its body it looks like this. a grey blob with tentacles. as far as i can tell it doesn't have bones to animate, unlike the rest of the model. the entire model has unfinished textures so its hard to tell what it's supposed to be.

judging from the blisters on the creature, it is CURSED. the orphan of kos' placenta weapon (which is, i think, just a huge cursed blood gem?) has these same blisters, marking it as a fellow "cursed" great one infant (? probably? look at what a runt it is).

curses are a complex aspect of the bloodborne universe. sometimes they can be identified by the appearance of "sickly spots", but other times, curses are color-coded with purple (or red, but that seems strictly related to cainhurst nope i forgot foetid offering can give enemies red rally auras and change their drop tables to include cursed blood gems. much to think about) auras and magic.

a curse is exactly what you expect it to be: great power at a high price (like a huge weapon bonus but your health depletes per second), but the source is arcane. the cursed and defiled pthumerian chalice states, "curses are caused by inciting the anger of the Great Ones, and used to hex others." winter lanterns, the enemies with the heads made out of messengers fused into a brain shape, are the only enemy that consistently only drops cursed blood gems (and, evidently, blood gems only form in the dungeon or nears its entrances). given the pattern of these spots appearing on bosses, it can be reasonably assumed that winter lanterns are the result of a great one's wrath. what the fuck! i dont know what that means!

we're not going to bother going into the nuances of rites and data-mining because holy shit. this garbage is needlessly complex for how half-baked its implementation is. but cursed offerings create cursed dungeons to explore with cursed blood gems to collect. cursed and defiled pthumeru is differentiated by the purple (!) skull vapor overflowing from the chalice. cursed rites required cursed materials: bastards of loran are the mummified bodies of infants who died midway through their transformation into a silverbeast. with the clockwise heads.

okay. that wrapped us up back around to the beginning. i think the lake of mud arena was intended to be in loran, canonically. it has a bunch of different variations that probably would have been used for root dungeon generation rather than canon usage. a lake of dried up water fits perfectly with the terrifyingly arid climate of loran (which generates the blue bolts in the atmosphere). at one point, it seems that several chalice dungeons would have had secret 4th layers (they're still in the game and can be accessed with some light hex editing); i propose that this is where that fight would have taken place. the previous layer would have been the cut great one beast. and layer 2 would have been the loran darkbeast. layer 1 would have been the abhorrent beast instead of the baffling loran silverbeast boss fight that's completely inexplicable otherwise. isz has similar pacing issues. oh shit, i wonder if that's what that blue one is supposed to be. fuuuuccckkk.

the ailing loran chalice tells the player that "some have made the dreaded extrapolation that Yharnam may be next" but the game is telling YOU the player that YOU are supposed to look at loran and extrapolate the fate of yharnam from it. loran was also using old blood as medicine and became a place overrun with beasts and abandoned by god. the loran moon presence is bloated with curses and lives in a place devoid of water, a horrible thing for a great one given how much they love to yammer about lakes and the sea. the area outside of the LOM arena is, amazingly, the exact same facade as the entrance to mergo's loft. there's a stained glass window above the door that's shared between locations, yet again linking loran, the nightmare frontier, and the nightmare of mensis together. and, really, the hunter's nightmare, since the LOM arena was very, VERY similar to the orphan's ocean with identical architecture.

holy shit i guess this is what im working on tonight. and now i see how micolash fits into the entire timeline. neat

#bloodborne #bloodborne lore

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kthecritter · 23 days ago

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hegegeh hi Eli :3 getting hit by a minivan was crazy and I kinda sorta went into cardiac arrest but we 🆙 can I request 2 things if that's ok :3 a userbox and a wallpaper, but if not just the wallpaper please :D for the userbox: background: chromakopia green! (hex code: #127a3d) icon: I'll add a pic for u (it's a screenshot from the chromakopia teaser vid/first track vid :3) font: u pick! i'm so exhausted :] phrase: 'this user is incredibly hype for Tyler the creator's new album, PLEASE ask them questions about it!' for the wallpaper: main theme/s: chromakopia green, fire, radioactive-ish aesthetic (omg that's so vague I'm so sorry :[) secondary theme/s: genderfaun flag :3 stickers: Tyler the creator album covers! literally any of them, I love them all (goblin my beloved <33) anything else: can I have it say 'can you feel the light inside? can you feel that fire?' ref from the chromakopia song :3 tysm! much love and tail wags from Eli and the crew! :D picha :3

here you go, I hope you enjoy! oh wow I didn’t know you liked tyler the creator, he’s a pretty neat artist :3 (ALSO HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OK?!?! BRO THATS INSANE)

#tyler the creator #new album #genderfaun #custom wallpaper #wallpaper #phone wallpaper #requests closed

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scrollsfromarebornrealm · 3 months ago

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desertwalkers- baby rattler

"Stupid tumbleweed." Riven pouted, kicking another rock out of her path. The Hex Witch had created a beautiful pair of chakrams, all dainty and pretty with enchantments but oh-so-deadly. Riven had fallen in love with the weapons, her fingers itched to pick them up. To have proper chakrams again to dance, to let the magic in her blood fly free once more...But it was the Hex Witch. She was expensive. Thus, Riven's need for extra money.

Technically. The brunette huffed, shaking her head.

No. Her bridal trousseau and the jewelry that had been her dower--those were all stuffed into her spell-warded travel chest. Those were strictly for emergencies. Or when things cooled down that nobody would blink at the rich silks and satins, laces and linens, or the sparkling gemstones showing up in pawnshops...and Riven wouldn't be questioned for having a little bit extra pocket money. She was only two weeks into her arrival at Stonewood, if she went around dropping gil like ceruleum she'd get eyes clapped squarely onto her. So for right now, it'd be stupid to touch the lot. And given the conversation she and Sebastian had upon their arrival with Mz. Gohtawyn, Riven was determined to prove she wasn't stupid.

Maybe the traveling circus needs extra hands. The thought cheered the Tonawawtan woman up. She still had a little bit of lunch-time left, she could go right on over and ask! But before Riven could continue her train of thought, her path took her into the way of something hard like rock and covered in fabric. With a cry she stumbled backward, falling down again on her ass..

"Ow!! What the--" The obstacle turned. Riven trailed off, blinking. She'd collided with a man dressed all in black and silver, with what looked like a bayonet-style gunblade on his back. A frown crossed the stranger's features as he looked down at Riven. Riven stared back up at him. Then she gasped as fingers roughly seized her by one of her upper arms and yanked her to her feet.

"Ow!"

"Look at this one, boss!" A pink-haired Tonawawtan man also dressed in black leered at the brunette.

"Looks like there's a new whore in town! She's a cutie pie! You think they've been hidin'-AAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" A high-pitched scream filled the air as the toe of one of Riven's boots collected solidly with the man's groin. His grip loosened, and Riven broke free, watching as he fell down howling. With a screech, Riven lifted her foot.

"Don't touch me again!!!" This time her foot came down with all the force she could muster. The howl that escaped the man made the fast-forming group of onlookers cringe.

"Holy sheeeet!"

"Gods damn!"

"Little bit's got some spice!" A drunken Hhetsarro cheered. Riven turned on a heel and stomped away, fuming. Hoots and cat calls followed her.

"Hey Doc! Can ye fix that?!"

"Can't do nothing for smashed sausage and cracked eggs." Mathye commented, shaking his head as more laughter rippled through the crowd.

#ffxiv #wild west: au xiv style #desertwalkers

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uglygirlstatus · 1 year ago

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Curious to see how you’d rank every Riverdale musical episode

this ask has been in my inbox for months because I could not make up my mind whatsoever and had to rewatch all musical eps 2x each to decide.

Splitting rankings into categories for my own sake: Songs (ranked on both quality and integration), Plot (entertainment value of the storyline points featured), and Iconry (ratio of special/memorable/iconic lines and scenes)

#6. American Psycho

Songs ⭐️⭐️

Plot ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Iconry ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I remember somehow being underwhelmed when I first watched this because I had really hyped myself up after reading the episode description. But now in a post-50sdale world, I realize how lucky we were with this one. We got SlaughterCon, Cheryl and Kevin hexing Toni and Fangs, Betty being gay, Kevin not warning Betty in advance that he added a bit to his musical number where Doctor Curdle Jr dresses as TBK and then getting visibly annoyed with her when she interrupts it fearing for his life, Betty finally killing TBK and he’s literally just wrapped in duct tape and garbage bags, AS WELL AS Archie’s Labour Union all in one episode. However, since this IS a ranking of musical episodes, I’m afraid I can’t let the incredible plot compensate too much for the lack of strong musical bangers.

Stand out lines:

“It’s your dad’s knife. I bought it on eSlay.”

“Betty Cooper, are you hot for agent Drake?”

“You’re one of us. An American Psycho.”

Not a line but shoutout to Lili Reinhart’s boobs in You Are What You Wear.

#5. Carrie

Songs ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Plot ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Iconry ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Cheryls heavily autotuned explosion into “THATS NOT MY NAAAAAAAME” will forever tickle me. And her finale drenching herself in blood and coming to her mother with the candelabra to threaten burning down their mansion for a second time is one of the top ten Cheryl Blossom moments for all time. Everything about the presence of Alice Cooper also kills me like she is IN this high school musical. Madchen I could listen to pitch correction software fighting for its life against your dulcet tones forever. I read in a Twitter thread by the duo who produces all the Riverdale music that Madchen had literally never sung in her entire life prior to this episode. And they still gave her a solo. Amazing. The plot doesn’t carry as much weight for me in this one but the I love the integration of the music, and it also gave us the first ever Beronica duet and Fifi appearance. Oh and rip Midge!

Stand Out Lines:

“I will not succumb to thespian terrorism!”

“I’m not the same girl who burned down Thornhill.” “Sure you are!”

“Nightmare child, what do you want from me?!”

#4. Next to Normal

Songs ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Plot ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Iconry ⭐️⭐️

This one has real emotional impact okay. It was genuinely moving. I love when the musical episodes tackle a huge range of plot lines and still try to apply the niche musical choice of the season to each of them. We have Cooper grieving & family choreography and spite-Jabitha and Cheryl attacking her mother with song & holy water and Varchie being useless and Britta becoming Cheryl’s little child servant/protege. Reggie is there too. Also all of the music hits for real. It’s a shame that “I Am The One” and “I’m Alive” had so much cut in the ep because the spectres of Polly and Charles are killing it on the harmonies in the full versions. I could listen to Lili Reinhart sing all day long. Above all though I think my favourite part is the uncanny photoshop of Alice and Betty and Polly in front of the Next to Normal Broadway poster.

Stand Out Lines:

“YOU’VE GOT SOME NERVE JUGHEAD, AND I’M JUST ALL NERVES!”

“I’m gonna eat in the garage.”

“You remind me of Hiram Lodge.” “I don’t know who that is. But please, have a Swelligrino for the road.”

#3. Heathers

Songs ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Plot ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Iconry ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Guys It’s so crazy that Midge literally died in the middle of our musical last year. Anyway time for Heathers! Something fun about this episode is that I first watched it before I was fully Riverdalepilled and was still foolishly rolling my eyes at the show while I watched with my mom and sister. I was like “guys Heathers is actually a great musical, it’s going to be hard for me to see what Riverdale does to it”. We began watching and very soon my mom and sister were commenting on the music. It quickly dawned on me that they were complaining about the aspects of the show that were more or less unchanged from the original musical. And I had a great epiphany moment where I realized 1) Heathers is sort of bad 2) if I loved Heathers the musical in earnest then why should I not love Riverdale? Heathers was actually PERFECTLY CRAFTED to be performed by the Riverdale cast. Anyway. This episode had a lot going for it. Lodge divorce arc straight into Veronica partying. Kevin’s sudden perm. Toni’s threesome fake out. Our favourite Chad Michael Murray Rhythmic cult clapping. And of course KJ Apa doing this

Stand Out Lines

“Did you have a lobotomy for breakfast?”

“Here I invented red. I AM red. *snaps*”

“Evelyn called a closed rehearsal for select members in the Gargoyle Chamber.”

#2. Archie the Musical

Songs ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Plot ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Iconry ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This one had EVERYTHINGGGGGGGG. Fun with the meta narrative and original songs mixed with covers taken from various obscure and specific sources and by far some of the most fun choreography and sets of all musical episodes since they were able to be so free with it. Seeing Gay Kevin back in his natural habitat of directing the school musical was so heartwarming. Jughead and Reggie quitting immediately. Archie going left. And Archie going right. Bisexually. Julian demolishing Archie vocally every chance he gets. And knowing it. Also every single facial expression and mannerism that Julian has in this episode is god tier. Actually kj apa too. Actually also Lili and Camilla. SANDWICH? The loudest in-song sound effects we’ve ever experienced. Archie the happiest he’s ever been in his life on the back of Toni’s bike. BERONICA - PRIMAL AND INTENSE! My review is barely coherent because this one does fill me with silly giddy joy. Plot loses a star because how the hell are we expected to care about Gay Kevin’s divorcing parents. I know “ohh suffering isn’t a competition ohhh” Ethel just watched her parents get murdered by a milkman and no one sang for her.

Stand Out Lines:

“I don’t wanna be a drip, but it’s super distracting when my understudy is singing literally at the same time as me!”

“You completely captured the longing of being in a queer, interracial relationship in the 1950s.”

“Maybe there are other more emotionally complex mountains to climb.”

“The new Archie, Julian, he’s even better than the real Archie!”

#1. Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Songs ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Plot ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Iconry ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

On a 9 hour flight to Europe in the Summer I had all the Riverdale musical eps downloaded to rewatch and then noticed that among the plane’s complimentary movie selections was the original movie of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, which was pure kismet. I decided to watch the movie for the first time prior to rewatching the Riverdale ep and I was blown away. Knowing the context of all the songs and musical they chose to include in the episode made everything so much more insane. The song about feeling like a stranger in your body after surgical malpractice being used for the Bughead conflict over Juggie prioritizing mysteries over finishing high school and Varchie conflict over Archie not telling Veronica about her dad’s epic fail at the gym. 20? something year old gay Kevin proclaiming WE ARE GENERATION Z before jumping into Random Number Generation. The BIZARRELY spliced version of the best ever rendition of Origin of Love all for BARCHIE FODDER?!? Actually all the rest of the songs were perfectly fitting no notes. Anyway hallway full of students in Hedwig drag one of the top Riverdale shots ever though I forever mourn KJ Apa’s absence. At least he got to kiss a man in this one. The plane hit turbulence while I watching the Midnight Radio scene but I was so happy witnessing it in that moment that I thought to myself “it would be ok if I died right now”.

Stand Out Lines:

“Writing a book report? Now I know how Sisyphus must have felt.”

“It celebrates identities, genders, expressions of all kinds.”

“[scoffs] How queer-phobic of you.”

“There’s a problem that comes once you get caught up on your homework. Your mind wanders and evil creeps back in.”

I was convinced Archie the Musical would come out on top for me due to the obscene level of euphoria I felt upon first experiencing it but after intensive review I do have to say Hedwig wins. Ultimately I miss the original timeline that much and I am all for the events that eventually tear apart everyone’s relationships and most of all it gave us Origin of Love full version Riverdale cast edition. But know that it is so so so so so close between the two. And honestly really all 6 are close in my heart as this exercise reminded me just how much the musical episodes are to watch and rewatch.

#idk why I treated this like a life or death question #riverdale #t #ask #riverdale musical ranking #long post

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