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canmom · 9 months

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How do you live?

I (finally!) saw Miyazaki's new film 君たちはどう生きるか (How Do You Live?/The Boy and the Heron)! It's been out in the States for a while, and in Japan considerably longer, but it took a while to make its way over here.

I remember at the time it came out, people were having fun riffing on the incredibly cryptic marketing campaign, which consisted only of this rather abstract poster...

In the spirit of this, I resolutely avoided watching any trailers or knowing anything at all about the plot of the film. I picked up a thing or two here and there - I knew to expect some amazing Shinya Ohira animation for example, and you couldn't really avoid seeing the bird with teeth! - but overall, I had no idea.

There's plenty of great writing about this film in English already, such as kvin's fantastic sakugablog piece which discusses the physicality of Ghibli's animation, its weight and springiness, as a throughline. The stuff that kvin talks about really stood out to me as I watched this film. You can likewise read detailed interviews with Toshiyuki Inoue (fantastic interview for sakubutas) and Akihiko Yamashita on fufuro.

First up, the credits of this film are pretty much a who's who of the greatest jp animators of the last 30 years, and they've had some 7 years to cook it, so naturally this film looks fucking amazing. This is absolutely the kind of film that only Miyazaki could direct - its design language feels so familiar and yet it's iterating in all kinds of visually imaginative directions that show that yeah, the old bastard's still got it.

And like, god, man. This film's animation is really something special. Its real-world scenes in particular are full of shots that require an unbelievably strong sense of space, of both subtle and broad acting, the classic Ghibli attention to detail on mechanical objects and everyday tasks. It's full of bouncing and squishing and squeezing and oozing things. It loves to draw crowds and swarms of people and animals. It's the kind of film where any given shot would be the absolute star-of-the-show sakuga moment in just about any other anime film. If you wanted a complete statement of the Ghibli school of animation, it would be hard to do better.

And yet, for all that Miyazaki's known for his tight control over animation and heavy corrections to animators, in this film he had to step back from that kind of role and hand over the sousakkan reins to Takeshi Honda, who steps up admirably - as kvin writes above, bringing in more realist elements to the bouncy Miyazaki style to create a really effective unity that grounds all the big fantastical elements of the film and fills the first act with tension.

Alongside all that excellent key animation, the film's colour and photography departments evidently understand that well-chosen colours and good highlight shapes beat all the digital gradients and overlays you can imagine - the drawings get plenty of form from the strength of the animation, and the flat shading really pops. The backgrounds are as delicious as ever, skyscapes and vegetation and opulent interiors with the just-slightly desaturated and harmonious colours that just kind of remind you that oh yeah, it is still possible to do it this way.

Basically it's a Ghibli film lol. You know how it is.

But what of the story...? What's all this technical magic in service of?

The film's story has something of the feel of a serial story, perhaps reflecting Miyazaki's (in)famous process of working out the film gradually as he draws the storyboards. Certain ideas, like the parakeet empire, arrive in the film rather suddenly and then become fairly central to the plot. There's a clear emotional throughline, but this is not a film that is in a hurry to explain itself more than it absolutely has to. It wants to keep its magical elements numinous and mysterious. I would say, though, it's generally more satisfying in this approach than some of Miyazaki's other later films like Howl's Moving Castle, and resolves a lot more clearly.

So what is it like, About? Well, Miyazaki has been pretty open about channeling a lot of his personal relationships into the film, and a lot of it seems to reflect more or less obliquely on him. It's what they call a 'personal film'. The protagonist's position as the son of an aeroplane factory owner during WWII is straight-up from life. What about the old sorcerer, haphazardly stacking blocks to keep a world alive, and looking for someone to succeed him? The reading's kinda obvious, even if Miya himself says this guy is based on his memory of Takahata. Well, he can be both...

To say more I'm gonna have to delve into the spoiler zone. See you below the cut.

OK so! Let's try and get some thoughts in order.

first, a plot summary type of thing

Our first act introduces us to Mahito at roughly the moment his mother Hisako dies in a hospital fire. This is midway through the war, which is present mostly in the background - now and then we see soldiers marching around, and of course Mahito's dad runs a factory producing warplane parts, not entirely unlike Miyazaki's own father although seemingly a bit higher up the ladder.

We jump forward a little and Mahito's father remarries - to his deceased wife's sister, no less, and she's already pregnant. This is Natsuko, who does her best to play the role of mother, but Mahito still has big traumas and he is understandably not entirely on board with the idea of welcoming a mum 2 who looks almost exactly like mum 1. He moves with Natsuko into a huge old house complex, a mix of older Japanese architecture with a more recent Western wing where the family currently sleeps - and staffed by a small army of colourful old ladies who are eager for any canned meat or cigarettes they can get their hands on.

Also there's this freaky heron that keeps bothering Mahito. It seems to have something to do with a mysterious tower which turns out to have been built by his great-uncle. Mahito visits the tower, but can't make his way inside. Natsuko tells him not to go into the tower.

Mahito goes to school, but naturally they don't much take to the new rich kid on the block, and so after being attacked by his classmates on his way home he injures himself with a rock. (His dumbass dad is like, who did this to you son, I'll fuck 'em up.) For the rest of the movie, he has half his head shaved to accomodate a bandage, which is the sort of attention to detail this movie loves.

The heron has started growing teeth and talking to Mahito, telling him to come to the tower. Mahito is convinced it's a trap, and after a maybe-dream sequence in which Natsuko shoots an arrow to drive off the heron, he steals cigarettes from Natsuko in order to get one of the servants to sharpen his knife, and then constructs a bow and arrow out of bamboo - using a couple of the heron's feathers. Constructing the bow and arrow is shown in immense, loving detail.

In the process, he witnesses Natsuko walk into the forest, and also stumbles on a book: How Do You Live? by Genzaburō Yoshino, which contains a handwritten message from his mother. He looks at this book briefly... and this is about the extent of the connection of the film to the book, beyond thematic parallels.

The maids notice that Natsuko is missing. Mahito tells one of the maids, Kiriko, that he saw her go into the forest, and they follow, finding an old road that gives another approach to the tower. They're greated by the heron man, who is increasingly emerging from the heron's beak to reveal a big warty nose. He's some kind of like... heron selkie or something, a gnome in a heron skin. There's some wonderfully grotesque animation around this guy.

Heron dude taunts Mahito with an illusion of his mother Hisako. Mahito threatens him with the bow - the heron guy is like, do your worst, not realising it's a maaagic arrow. The arrow chases him around the room and pierces his beak, fucking up his magic. At this point, the tower master shows up and orders the heron to guide Mahito. Heron guy sends everyone through the floor into a fantastical world...

Mahito arrives in front of a huge, sinister tomb. He approaches the gate, and a swarm of pelicans walk up behind, crawling all over him and pressing him through the gate. This causes a storm to start brewing, since opening the gate seems to piss off the stones or something...

A fisher woman resembling a much younger Kiriko runs up and chases the pelicans away. She takes Mahito under her wing, explaining that this world is inhabited mostly by dead people, but there are also these little round guys called the wareware, who gain the ability to fly when they eat a fish's guts.

Kiriko, uniquely in this world, has the ability to kill, so she catches fish to sell to the other inhabitants and feed to the wareware; she and Mahito butcher a huge fish. Mahito fairly quickly figures out that she is somehow the same Kiriko that entered with him. She has tiny charms representing the other maids, which serve an apotropaic function.

That night, staying on Kiriko's huge derelict ship of a home, they watch the wareware rise into the sky to be born as humans in Mahito's world. They're attacked by the pelicans, but a fire-wielding magic user called Hisa (hmmmmmmmmmm) drives the pelicans away. Mahito shouts at her not to harm the wareware, but Kiriko assures him that more of the wareware will survive thanks to Hisa's intervention.

Later, a singed and dying pelican explains the pelicans' predicament to Mahito in a scene that calls to mind the animals in Mononoke-hime. The pelicans are foreigners in this world, they don't have anything to eat, so they take it as their role to eat the wareware. The heron man arrives on the scene too, offering to help Mahito find Natsuko as Mahito - coming in to his own as a protagonist more - buries the pelican. Mahito distrusts him but eventually Kiriko persuades them to give working together a try.

Mahito and the heron set out. As they pass through a forest, the heron reveals that thanks to Mahito's arrow, he can't fly and do heron shit anymore - and by magic law, only Mahito can fix the hole. Mahito applies his new woodworking skills to fashion a bung for the hole. The heron tries to stage a top 10 anime betrayal, but then the bung needs more work, so Mahito fixes it, and from that point on, the heron joins the party and he and Mahito are fast friends.

(You might wonder why I just call him 'the heron' and not by a name. He never gets named! He's just the heron man.)

Mahito and the heron arrive at the house of a blacksmith who's supposed to help them find Natsuko, only to find it guarded by big buff parakeet men. The parakeets are splendidly goofy round guys - they remind me of the heedra in Nausicaa. The heron draws the parakeets away, and Mahito enters the house, only to find, uh oh! More parakeets. The parakeets prepare to eat Mahito, who is not carrying a child and therefore fair game unlike Natsuko, but Hisa shows up and burns them with fire magic. She looks just like a young version of Mahito's mum! Funny that. Hisa helps Mahito escape into her house through the fire, and then takes him to infiltrate the parakeets' empire.

In the human world, the maids explain the backstory of the tower to Mahito's dad. It's a weird meteorite that came from space, it turns out, and Mahito's great-uncle built the tower on top of it before eventually disappearing inside. Mahito's dad overprepares in an elaborate getup complete with katana, and goes to try to rescue everyone.

Hisa leads Mahito to a corridor full of doors which open into all the different worlds, including his own world. Mahito briefly glimpses his dad coming to try and rescue him - the two see each other briefly, but the parakeets catch wind of the whole thing and attack, and so Mahito and Hisa have to flee back into the magical world. We see that the parakeet guys turn into regular parakeets when they come into the human world. Mahito's dad becomes convinced he turned into a parakeet.

Mahito and Hisa make their way to the delivery room where Natsuko is resting, waiting to give birth. On their way, lightning starts emerging from the stone - Hisa explains that the stone is sentient and pissed with them. Mahito insists on approaching Natsuko despite this being a huge taboo. They have a heart to heart - Natsuko's mask breaks and she tells Mahito she hates him, while he finally starts calling her mother, as he's assaulted by paper charms that tear at him violently. They part, with Hisa burning the charms to free Mahito, but it's too much and they both pass out.

Mahito dreams of meeting the sorcerer, who stacks irregularly shaped wooden blocks, and explains that stacking the blocks is necessary to maintain the world, buying a few days at a time. The sorcerer reveals the huge flying rock that is the source of his power; he also shows Mahito some blocks, but Mahito somehow divines that these blocks are 'stone for building tombs' and stained with malice. The sorcerer approvingly says this is a good sign for Mahito's ability to succeed him.

While they were asleep, the parakeets have captured Hisa and Mahito. One of them is preparing to eat Mahito, but the heron arrives just in time to save him. They Metal Gear Solid their way through the kingdom while the Parakeet King - a big swaggering guy very like the colonel in Castle in the Sky - goes to press a claim on the wizard, using Hisa and Mahitos' taboo act of entering the delivery room as a bargaining chip. There's some very funny scenes where the parakeets cheer for their king.

Mahito pursues the parakeet king, but the king destroys the staircase behind him, and talks to the sorcerer. The sorcerer is inclined to wave away the transgression, because he wants to let Mahito succeed him, but the parakeet king seems to be bringing him around. I kind of forget how this part went, but the parakeet king goes away from the sorcerer for a bit while Hisa is freed from her prison thing.

Mahito climbs back up with the heron man's help, arriving in the sorcerer's little subplane. The parakeet king quietly follows him, after telling his aides to inform his subjects he was a good king. Mahito approaches the sorcerer, who reveals he has found a new set of blocks, unstained by malice, and again invites Mahito to succeed him. Mahito says that his self-injury is proof of his malice, making him unfit for the job.

At this point, the parakeet king intervenes. Angry at all this sorcerous malarky, he desperately attempts to stack the stones himself, but when they don't stack, he flies into a rage and slices them with his sword. This naturally causes the world to start collapsing, and everyone runs to the doors to escape into the human world.

Mahito has by this point figured out that Hisa is his mum, and he asks if she really wants to go back to their world, knowing that she will very definitely die in a fire not much later. But she is naturally on board with this. Young!Kiriko goes with her, suggesting that she and Hisako entered the magical world at the same time. Meanwhile, Mahito returns to his own time, with Natsuko and the heron. All the various parakeets and pelicans come out through this door too. Old!Kiriko is restored from her apatropaic charm.

As everyone celebrates their safe return (and the appearance of a fuckton of birds), the heron tells Mahito that he ought to forget what happened in the magic world. We skip forward again, with Mahito - now with a baby sibling - setting off to Tokyo. Roll credits!

now let's comment on it

This is not a film that necessarily prioritises an internal logic playing out - new elements enter unexpectedly even quite late in the film. The sorcerer's motivation is murky until late on; the parakeets become major antagonists despite entering only halfway through the film.

There is a certain temptation, knowing how autobiographical this film is, to take it is a roman à clef. Mahito is of course a young Miyazaki; the old sorcerer's concern about finding a successor might be about Miyazaki wondering who should take over Ghibli or if it should just be allowed to die. Under this schema, the parakeets might be Ghibli's legion of fans, or the merchandising empire that prints their designs on every possible product. kvin's article develops this kind of reading, finding some angles I wouldn't have even considered, such as how the idea of weight communicated by the animation factors in to such an allegaroy. It's also something suggested in Miyazaki's own comments about the film, where the sorcerer is Takahata, the heron man is producer Toshio Suzuki...

It definitely helps to know a bit about Miyazaki's background when approaching this film. However, I think it would be reductive to go too far with this kind of reading, and take everything as an allegory for something in Miyazaki's life. The film still has to stand on its own feet!

'Coming of age' is the spin put on it by some outlets, like the BBC. And this is accurate to an extent. The arc of this film is similar to Spirited Away: Mahito starts out sullen and traumatised, but like Chihiro he transitions over the course of his journey in the magical world into the kind of determined Miyazaki protagonist we're used to. On this coming of age angle... well, also like with Chihiro, I don't find the Mahito of the first part of the film especially unsympathetic, his alienation is extremely natural given his situation. Mahito's dad kinda sucks! Living in wartime Japan also really kinda sucks, even if you're the son of a rich dude. But definitely over the course of the film Mahito has a change of heart towards Natsuko, and forms friendships that motivate him to try to protect them. His character arc definitely sees him become 'more prosocial'.

However, there's another angle that's pretty important - the idea of the weight of 'malice', the cursed existences of the pelicans and the like, and the fantasy of building a utopian world that is free of these things. This returns to a theme of Nausicaa, the manga in particular, where Nausicaa discovers that the world she knows - the toxic forest in particular - is actually an elaborate artificial system for cleansing the world of pollutants, that the clean world on the other side will be uninhabitable to her and her people, and that the architects of this system wait in stasis to replace them in this utopian future world. Nausicaa destroys them, commiting instead to an uncertain future.

In Mononoke-hime likewise, we encounter the lepers and former sex workers of Irontown clinging on to the 'cursed' world. Their extractivist project proves incredibly destructive, but the film still regards them sympathetically, and the resolution sees them perhaps finding a new way to live - and San, the feral girl, reconciling herself to the idea of humans.

Here, although the parakeet king forces the decision, Mahito has already declared that he doesn't believe he's fit to oversee a utopia, but instead that his place is in the awful, violent human world.

The film, and the book it's vaguely based on, are titled How do you live? In Japanese, that's a plural 'you' (君たち). There's a lot of ways you could read it, depending on who you take as 'you' - a child asking an adult how to live, or equally a future question of how will you live. This is a lot more explicit in the novel - which I have not read, but here is a summary courtesy of wiki:

Junichi Honda is a fifteen-year-old junior high school student, known by his nickname Koperu, after the astronomer Nicholas Copernicus. He is athletic and academically gifted, and popular at school. Koperu's father, a bank executive, passed away when he was young and he lives with his mother. His uncle (on his mother's side) lives nearby and visits frequently. Koperu and his uncle are very close. Koperu shares about his life and his uncle gives him support and advice. His uncle also documents and comments on these interactions in a diary, with the intent to eventually give the diary to Koperu. The diary writing, which is interspersed with the narrative, provides insight into the ethical and emotional trials that Koperu shared with his uncle. The diary entries, which cover themes such as "view of things", "structure of society", "relation", etc. are in the style of a note written to Koperu.[8]

Thinking like Copernicus that our Earth is a celestial body moving within the vastness of space, or thinking that our Earth is fixed at the center of the universe, are two ways of thinking that, in reality, are not only related to astronomy. Even when we think about things like the world around us or our own lives, the truth is that we are still revolving around them after all.

In the end, Koperu writes a decision on his future way of living as a reply to his uncle, and the novel ends with the narrator asking the question "how do you live?" to the reader.

The author of the novel was a socialist, who had been imprisoned by the nationalist government, and wrote the book intending to impart lessons on ethics. The version of his book published after the war was heavily edited to strip the book of political content. But it's also, perhaps paradoxically, a book that centres on very wealthy characters, aimed narrowly at educated boys, though it became a widely read classic.

Studio Ghibli's films, from both Miyazaki and Takahata, have a habit of being framed as imparting something to the younger generation - something the pair seem to have seen as a mission all the way back in the days of Panda Kopanda. For example, while Grave of the Fireflies is seen as the classic tragic war movie, for Takahata it was also aimed at criticising what he saw as the careless, consumerist generation of the 80s; the stubborn arrogance of the protagonist supposed to reflect on this. It's an attitude that also emerges in their comments about Chihiro. And, indeed, one of the first things we heard about How Do You Live? was that it was aimed towards Miyazaki's grandson - and more broadly towards that generation.

So what does this film have to say to the younger generations? Let's have a look at it from Mahito's POV.

For Mahito, the adults in his life are all pretty complicated. His father is enthusiastic and well-meaning but incredibly oblivious to what his son is going through (we might recall some of what Miyazaki wrote about his father in Starting Point, describing him as basically a grifter). Natsuko is masking pretty hard, trying to play the role of Good New Mum and connect to her newly acquired son, but there's an intrinsic distance. It is understandable that Mahito would want to reject them.

Mahito is... not entirely a passive character, he goes to some efforts to for example fashion the bow and arrow and repair the heron man's beak, but mostly he is pulled around by the plot into a strange world he doesn't understand. At first, his instinct is to retreat, even to the point of self-injury. Once he arrives in the magical world, he has acquired something of a purpose (finding Natsuko), but he gets pushed into near-disaster situations (the pelicans piling up to push him through the gate at the tomb) or stumbles into circumstances where something is expected of him (hey kid, gut this fish!). Gradually though his exposure to this world pulls him out of his shell. He runs into conflicts and injustices that seem intractable - the wareware and the pelicans - and has little power to intervene except to bury the bodies.

Eventually, he gets to carry out his main objective - finding Natsuko - but despite finally deciding to accept Natsuko as his new mother, he finds himself rejected, not just by her but also by the earth. Perhaps feeling responsible for getting her into trouble, his new objective becomes rescuing freshly-damsel'd Hisa. But now new adults want things of him - his great-uncle has decided he'd make a fine successor. Mahito has to make a decision here about what relationships he wants to commit to, what sort of life he wants to build - and he chooses the world he found so alienating at the outset of the film, the one which hurt him by taking his mother, not to the secondary-world fantasy.

It could be a 'this world is all we have' sort of statement, perhaps. But also the last act of the film feels like it gets a bit caught up in Castle in the Sky-style adventure-story beats.

I do feel like some aspects of the film ended up a little underbaked - which is an odd thing to say because it's not a short film and there is so much in it already. But Hisa for example - she's got badass powers and all, but I feel we barely get a chance to get a sense of what motivates her. Why did she enter the fantasy world? She acts at first like she doesn't know Mahito is her future son, but rapidly becomes incredibly devoted to him (in a way that reads a little romancey lmao). So much of her screen time is dedicated to having her convey the secrets of the world that it's hard to get a bead on her as a person.

Likewise, Natsuko - why did she enter this world to have her baby in this special ritual delivery chamber? She clearly knows more than most of the characters, but she gets kind of sidelined after Mahito confronts her, with wizard shit becoming more central. The animation does such a fantastic job of selling her feelings in the first part of the film that it feels like a shame that she drifts away at the end.

The progression of the film feels rather like a dream, where everything is arranged by symbolic significance to Mahito. It makes sense... on a magical level, where the secondary world is shaped primarily by parallels in the real one. So the tiny apatropaic statues of the old ladies protect him because they represent the role the real old ladies have in his life. Hisa has fire magic because Hisako died in a fire. Once Mahito has come to his personal resolutions about returning to the world, the magical one is no longer needed, and it collapses.

This is not such an uncommon role for magic in a story. In Miyazaki's own works, we have Totoro and Spirited Away, where a magical world provides direction or relief to a child's real struggles. Or take for example Okiura's film A Letter To Momo, in which the three yōkai recognise taking care of the grieving Momo as their explicit purpose as spirits. This magical world comes to Mahito to help him come to terms with losing his mother, and reorient himself towards living in a painful world.

Meanwhile, the sorcerer, whether he be Miyazaki or Takahata, is quite a distant figure. He may maintain the magical world by stacking his blocks, may be the authority which factions within it must plead to, but he also rules from afar in a vast empty palace full of long halls and open air spaces. His main company seems to be a big fucking rock, with which he made a 'contract'. He's generally handling it a bit better than, say, Ushiromiya Kinzo - he receives the parakeet king with good humour - but he's a pretty flawed god of his little world. So much of this world seems to pre-exist him, it's not something he constructed. Still, when he shows up, you pretty much have to do what he says.

If this is about Miyazaki's relation to Takahata, it seems like quite a sad portrayal. But 'unapproachable patriarch' does sorta describe their role in the studio from what I understand (c.f. Oshii's infamous article comparing them to the Kremlin).

When it comes to the question of who should succeed Miyazaki, we should probably consider the matter of Yoshifumi Kondō, who was being set up as the next big Ghibli director until his untimely death - which allegedly Takahata was willing to accept the blame for. The mythology built up around Miyazaki and Takahata is double-edged.

Here are some rather startling comments from Toshiyuki Inoue's interview. Inoue is one of the most impressive animators who ever lived in my book, the other star of the realist line besides Okiura. Just have a look at his booru page: iconic scenes from GitS, Akira, Millenium Actress; even in more recent films, he pretty much carried Maquia, and steals the show with his scenes in Miss Hokusai.

And yet even he was intimidated to be working alongside Miyazaki when he first came on board for Kiki's Delivery Service, fresh off Akira:

I believe you’ve always been a fan of Miyazaki’s, why were you scared to work with him? Toshiyuki Inoue: I had heard quite a few scary stories. A lot of acquaintances had worked on Nausicaä, Laputa and Totoro before that, so I knew how scary he could be when he got angry – I had heard stories of people being fired mid-production, things like that. How was it actually? Toshiyuki Inoue: Not as scary as I had imagined. He’d only rarely scream in the studio. But he did get angry. I’d sometimes be called to some separate room and lectured alongside Kōji Morimoto and Masaaki Endō. It felt like being in school all over again.

'Only rarely'. Honestly. Inoue describes how difficult it was for him to adapt his logical, analytical style to Ghibli's stretchy, bouncy characters - and how Miyazaki would disparage him if he, for example, drew a ship inaccurately.

For Inoue, coming back to How Do You Live was something like a 'return match'. He talks about how an older Miyazaki was no longer able to strictly correct the animation, and in general age was limiting him, but he still feels that Miyazaki is fundamentally superior:

Toshiyuki Inoue: I’ve always wished for a return match or a way to redeem myself. But even if I say that, I know I can’t even pretend to rival Miyazaki. I just can’t win. He’s extremely smart and learned, and on top of that, as an animator he always transcends common sense: he’s so talented that I know very well there’s nothing I can do against it. The more I learn about him, the more I realize I’ll never be on that level.

Miyazaki's genius is undeniable, but man... it's not a good mindset to cultivate if you want to find a successor lmao. If even Inoue doesn't feel he can measure up, who the hell could?

Mind you, it does rather seem that Miyazaki had mellowed out by the point of How Do You Live?. Here's Yamashita:

Akihiko Yamashita: As I said, the core of an animator’s job is to follow what the director asks, so whenever I had trouble with that, I’d go see Miyazaki to show him my roughs. He’d advise me on the things that were missing and reassure me about those that were good. He really helped me to gain more confidence in myself.

Reading these interviews underlines pretty hard that we shouldn't get too caught up in the mythology of Miyazaki the mighty auteur. While the story may be all on Miyazaki, and most of the character designs (with the notable exception of Natsuko)... so much of the details of the animation, the stuff that really makes this film land, is primarily shaped by everyone else - Honda in particular, but also the individual key animators who interpreted his scenes. I really need to get my hands on a copy of that Industrial History of Studio Ghibli book to get a less Miyazaki-centric perspective on the studio's history.

I do not feel, having come out of this film, any closer to knowing the answer to that eternally pressing question of how do you live - I guess I'm still working out my answer to that one, and I will be until I die. And maybe that's rather the point. I think this film still carries some of the flaws of Miyazaki's later films - despite having so many iconic scenes, it doesn't quite seem to know where it's going. But I am so glad to have seen this in the theatre (I saw it at the Prince Charles theatre in Soho with friends, the theatre was completely packed!), and glad Miyazaki managed to get this one out before he goes. Whatever happens to Ghibli without its sorcerer, it's been a hell of a thing to witness.

#anime #the boy and the heron #how do you live #studio ghibli #hayao miyazaki #film

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stevie-petey · 3 months

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Decided to just send this in directly but! I have explanations for everything so buckle in bc when i say i have brain rot about this fic I MEAN IT ITS SO GOOD

1. BI BUG CONFIRMATION. ENOUGH SAID.

2. I will never forget reading that scene from season 1 of steve driving bug home w her bike in his trunk and her all flustered about it and i dont super remember what time of day it was in the scene but in my head it was right after sunset where the sun has set but its light creates this contrast that makes everything look cool toned in comparison to whats in the light n i wanted to play w that in the coloring also im a sucker for steve n his big arms so this was almost entirely self indulgent

3. The cardigan bc i needed to. I re read that chapter constantly it gives me all the warm n fuzzies and thats good for the soul

4. The phones were both an “i need to put this in here immediately bc my brain never stops thinking about it” and a filler for blank space. The colors for each are tied to what s3 bug and what s3 are associated w in my head like you cannot tell me bug isnt soft ivory coded and steve is not light grey-blue coded in s3 it just feels right for them (plus i needed to reference the nicknames at least once my very soul craved it)

5. Dustins hat was a lil bit of a last minute thing, i was working on a bigger piece w all of this kids n their looks for season 3 but it wasnt coming out the way i wanted it to so i scrapped it but i still wanted a something in there that wasnt steve or bug related and it felt fitting to put in dustins camp know where cap both bc of his relationships w steve n bug and bc every now and then i think about how dustin felt ditched by the party at the beginning and how heartbreaking that scene was when i read it n how much i just wanted to hug the lil guy bc feeling lonely at an age like that is so devastating it made my heart hurt for him so i wanted to have a lil thing for dustin in there somewhere

6. In the show i really liked the whole bit w steve asking girls out and robin keeping score n before you wrote this scene i was curious as to how you were going to go about it and it ended up cracking me up dude i love that scene if him just being awkward and so not “king steve” suave and i needed to put down how my brain saw that scene to something visual bc it was so ugh hes such a dork i love steves himbo self

7. Follow up is the lil doodle of steve n robin running around high as hell and there was no way i wasnt going to include that somehow if i am given the chance to write the phrase “trash popcorn” and draw robin frolicking i will take it with both hands and bolt

8. Going back to the whole “steve is a desaturated light blue in s3” thing i just wanted an excuse to draw my boy being cute in my head this is when hes helping bug put away books at her job and yes the anatomy is a lil wonky but i luv him and his hair swoops and joes side profile is so very fun to draw <3

Over all come home is wonderful n amazing and i love it n ur brain is so big n full of wrinkles

i genuinely cried when i first saw this im not kidding. im speechless, its so fucking beautiful and everything you drew from the fic is captured SO perfectly i cannot even begin to explain how much this means to me :(((( thank you so so so so much. truly.

the DETAILS ???? you brought the cardigan to life. its exactly how i envisioned it in my head, its BEAUTIFUL :((((( and bug being ivory and steve a blue ,,,, god you really truly nailed this i again cannot put into words how PHENOMENAL this is. the telephone lines being connected with their nicknames, steve carrying a box of books at bugs job, him driving and the setting sub (which you got EXACTLY. it was the same i envisioned in my head writing that scene), the bi colors on the lady bug like are u kidding me !!!! youre insane and i LOVE YOU !!!

steve n high robin doodle is so <333 and the steve scene at scoops with his flustered monologue in the background made me giggle so hard oh my god.

i know you dont know this, but my birthday is tomorrow and this is the best gift ive ever been given. i want to frame the doodles and put it on my bedroom wall because i am astounded and in awe of your talent and still so baffled my fic was brought to life !!!!! its mind boggling and i cannot thank you enough for this experience <333

(obviously with ur permission in reference to wanting to print n frame the doodles because theyre so dear to me and i respect ur talent !!)

#n3muru #ask #m speaks #ch creations #im so serious i want to print this out and frame it #this is everything to me #i sobbed #my sister asked why and i showed her the pic and she also was like oh my GOD #ur so crazy talented im so so so in awe

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crushedsweets · 6 months

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hey sucker! im doing a lil project for school and i want to base it off of the creepjects but in strange shapes and colors

i feel like this is such a weird ask but what shapes and colors would fit best with the group? 😭

this is so cute oh my god. im half doing this on shape language(assuming its for art class), half on vibes

toby: rectangle/star, brown/orange (warm tones, desaturated) clocky: triangle/oval, brown/green (cool tones, desaturated) jack: triangle/circle, black/navy blue (cool tones, saturated) kate: square/triangle, white/red (warm tones, desaturated) nina: circle/heart, pink/purple/red (warm tones, saturated)

keep me updated on ur assignment PLEASE

#if i had a nickel for everytime someone did a school project related to my AU #id have two nickels #asks

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troythings · 6 months

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rating donna troy costumes part 3

oh god. what the fuck man. i have so many opinions about this damn costume. i should not have so many fkin opinions about this ONE costume. gahhhhhh.

it works for that specific version of donna and her origin. an aggressive, more conservative take on diana’s armor. the shoulderguards give off this cool militaristic silhouette, and the belt buckle kinda reinforces that by looking a bit like the one in a service uniform. also personally, the combination of the W logo coupled with the winged shoulderguards, call me crazy but that looks like donna’s belt logo got incorporated. that’s my crazy

it’s also fking impractical. like i think, besides the silver eagle armor its the most impractical armor on this list. the titans hunt#3 cover (left) fixes this by simplifying it and removing the cape. make the shoulderguards smaller and more ‘sculpted’ along the shoulders and it works. also get it a better palette.

i actually liked the composition of this costume when i first saw it, which is bc sonia oback did good job making a cohesive palette. front bodice and the harness buckles were red. side bodice, battleskirt and the upper side of the boots were brown. silver (crest, boot decorations) and gold (studs, shoulderguards belt buckle etc) were used appropriately. leggings and cape were black. there were flaws. but the color continuity worked.

so this starts to fall apart when the artists get inconsistent. finch doesn’t draw it as detailed as it was in the debut issue. the war torn arc had colorists with WILDLY different ideas on coloring the armor. the one in the middle (brad anderson) is all over the place. like holy god. there’s no organized palette or any contrast to diana’s. i also hate the way they colored that cape like. the fuck. why????

that arc did its thing and then new 52 donna popped up in titans hunt. for the most part it only looks good in the covers that yanick paquette drew for the series. like the skirt is simplified, the belt is simplified, we don’t have a cape in that cover and it actually looks redeemable. we also have a structured color palette again: silver makes up a majority of the metals there and maintains consistency, the bodice, boots and arm/sleeves/wraps/whatever are the same shade of red. skirt and armbands are same color. the black non-cape looking harness thing and the leggings match. in the comic it looks like hot garbage. that is all.

imo i think the paquette take on this costume should be the definitive version. it could be improved further by saturating the red further, giving donna actual bracelets, desaturating the gold and changing the red harness buckles to match the silver belt. darken the leggings to black and we’re good.

but like. the perception of this is heavily colored by that one arc. people see this costume and remember that this version of donna committed genocide. same way i hate the current one, just for being in the liberal virtue-signaling steve orlando storyline where unlawful combatant donna troy breaks international law and topples an entire country but its somehow ok because fAsCiSm. and like this costume has to be improved so much from canon. in canon it’s about as ugly as the first troia suit and only slightly more functional. so like. 0/10

so this one’s solid actually. it’s a pretty cool way to tie in the black/silver color scheme without referring back to the godfuckingawful titan seed origin. here you just have the plausible deniability that a) the red became black, b) yellow stars went white and c) gold obviously turned into silver. sort of like a, costume graduation thing. kinda. like it’s a more tactical and reinforced version of the wonder girl aesthetic which is cool. modern militarism with amazon elements. i like the belt but i wish it wasn’t mistaken for an A all the time. the W on the collar is AESTHETIC im sorry but the one good thing of rebirth was that they gave the choker to donna and not diana. but it’s actually p good!! wish we still had it 10/10

fucking 0/10 what were they trying to do here this is ugly this is needless whoever approved this should be court-martialed

ew. ew. ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. like. im sorry but. dc it’s going to take a lot more than aesthetics to invoke the previous continuity. double that when this donna’s first solo story was her committing americentric violations of international law, thanks steve orlando for putting your dumbass liberal escapism in here and now this costume is ruined forever.

also im pretty sure its not gonna get better with the jimenez thing coming up. and the fucking “donna has a father” origin (goddamn ANOTHER RETCON). so not only does this suffer from the same thing with new 52 donna buuuuuut.

dc. this exact costume was conceived in a fan edit from the 2010s. you didn’t even fucking try. 0/10

#wonder woman #donna troy #dc comics #wonder girl #troia

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yanderespamton78 · 5 months

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OC :D !!

CW : mild body horror (mushrooms growing through skin, not gorey and not the focus of the image but kinda eugh)

WOW!! AN OC!!! WOH

(ugh the colours look so much brighter on my drawing tablet like theyre meant to be desaturated but she is practically black and white uuughghghhh :(((( sidenote the pupils were an afterthought because you couldnt tell she was looking down at the snail)

okokok now im gonna ramble about this oc

Willow

She/Her

Aroace

i actually made her right when i first got into art and she was very dear to me for a while, but i kinda forgot about her and i havent drawn her in over a year. i have some older drawings of her at the end of the post (not letting you skip my ramblings).

So Willow lives in the forest by herself, and has done for as long as she remembers (dont ask how she got there (i havent thought of that yet)) which also means she has never had any need for communication so is completely mute. And im not sure what exactly Willow is?? but she is immortal. BUT!! you see those mushrooms growing through her skin on her cheek, neck, eye and hand? they are the only thing that limits her lifetime. she has this disease thingy that causes mushrooms to grow in her body and occasionally through her skin. She lives until the disease kills her, which takes a few hundred years. i actually made a diagram of all the places where the mushrooms grow a bit ago (down below with the old art). the mushrooms on her neck nearly killed her, the mushroom in her left eye means shes blind, and the one on her finger can make it harder to grip and use her hand in general. she has an animal companion, though this companion has changed throughout the years. it started off being a frog, then it became a swarm of butterflies, now its a snail? its probably going to stay a snail tho. I honestly cant remember why she is in the forest alone, i feel like she did have some reason but i forgot it. Prolly something basic like keeping the animals happy by feeding them mushrooms or smth idk. also she moves kinda weird?? i cant describe exactly what im thinking but almost kinda jerky and doll like. like Cyn from murder drones kinda. the same weird loose doll feel.

old drawings VVV (from 2022-ish oh god theyre so bad)

the one on the left is the first ever drawing of her (it was just a sketch to practise and art style and then uh. smth happened)

the one on the left is the first proper design i had of her and the one on the right is the aforementioned frog companion (he was called wizzy)

that image ^^^ was drawn in 2023. i was trying to get back into art and i wanted to make willow again because i thought she was cool. theres some writing that you cant read but its not too important. mostly diagrams

#urg i wrote most of this post at 2am but im not gonna post it until like 11am because i know if i post it now very few people r gonna see it #i have 2 ocs #and both of them are completely alone in their seperate worlds; are mute; hate touch; and are aroace #huh #i project onto my ocs a lot #mainly the touch aversion and aroace bit but i also like making them long and gangly #and another thing is i give all my characters really;; modest?? is that the right word?? clothing ajshfkjh #i HATE showing skin and although i dont wear dresses often at all when i do they are knee level or lower #so all of my ocs have the same kind of thing where they dress in a way that they have almost all their skin covered up #DONT GET ME WRONG theres nothing wrong with showing skin and wearing crop tops ect just im weird about it for some reason #so i have to make my ocs weird about it too lol #ive never posted about the other oc #its name is termite and it is murderous thats all you need to know #the only exciting thing about it is that it has a cool design #i love body horror #im not a horror fan in general but body horror is like YES #but i hate psychological horror #oc #oc art #art #pixel art #cottagecore #CW : body horror #TW : body horror #body horror #mushrooms

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autailome · 5 months

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ok no one asked but here we go. heeramandi episode 1 liveblog

ok IMMEDIATELY let me say im so mad that SLB is falling prey to the "its so dark you can't see anything" trend from western movies. one of my favorite things about devdas is how well-lit it is and how perfectly you can see the colors of everything. instead this is desaturated and dark

its also a bizarre choice to me to let us see mallikajaan's backstory right away? I assume we'll get more but it would've been nice to have her be Evil Lady with no sympathy for at least an episode

also SLB's niece does not remotely have the talent to be one of the lead roles on this. she has 0 charisma and like no expression in her eyes at all. why why whyyyy

at least manisha koirala is absolutely fantastic as mallikajaan

I LOVE SAKAL BAN I must say. perfect perfect perfect music that i've already been looping on spotify and will continue to do so

although i will say when i saw the previews on youtube of sakal ban a few weeks ago i assumed it would be a more relevant scene than just "yay its spring". feels very much like SLB just wanted to produce the song and threw it in there. i miss sooooo much when bollywood songs were almost entirely conversations between leads and not just music videos!!!

SO THRILLED to see farida jalal on screen!!! love her!!! happy to see her!! great casting!

this like fruity eunuch character...why is it just like the weird gay side character from padmavaat but with even more comic relief. SAVE me from this specifically oh WAIT the cop is gay too???????? hello?

wow i can not stress enough how much better this would be if there wasnt a nepo kid playing mallikajaan's daughter lol she has 0 charm

i swear to god why is SLB so obsessed with the desaturated monochrome these days im so so sick of it. i feel like everyone lost their mind over deewani mastani and he just never moved on. the last time he had a movie with actual bright colors was ram leela . like why is this entire protest scene just faded yellow and tan. bruh

okay that was like .. enjoyable and fine but nothing incredible. which is pretty much what i expect even though im hopeful about better

excited to meet fareedan. i feel like her and mallikajaan are gonna be the two best parts.

oh also when mallikajaan said i dont punish your body ill punish your soul i was like wow. love her

#heeramandi #e

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ask-a-hiding-jester · 9 months

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//Hi! Hello! Yes, I am aware y'all are still on hiatus and revamping the blog and stuff but I believe I connected the dots! ... Okay, not really but I have a few theories I would like to share!

No. 1, The saturated Ragatha running towards Jax is some form or monster or mimic. I already had suspensions (as seen with my previous, which happens to be my first, ask towards this blog) but the fact that Mod Fenn directed me to the @/pomni-xddcc kissing saga I don't know how else to word that- solidified my idea as to what the saturated Ragatha could be.

Now, I know that the @/pomni-xddcc crossover is not canon but, and I'm putting on the Game Theory hat now, in said crossover (spoiler alert), @/pomni-xddcc!Pomni visited this 'verse to kiss its Ragatha and was gifted the privilege of two. One of them is desaturated, similar to what was established in this 'verse's canon, and another a surprised saturated one. You might see where I'm going with this. Pomni kissed both the Ragatha's, which would've been all fun & yuri games... Until the saturated one turned into an Abstraction-eques creature and tried to bite Pomni's face-off. (Don't worry, @/pomni-xddcc's fine. She even rated the kisses well despite the near-death experience :) ).

I'd read the crossover before but didn't think too much about it but the fact that Mod Fenn redirected me to it in their response about 'Ragatha' (alongside a compliment. Thanks for that :3 ) made me think more about its ending, hence the following sentence: Based on this crossover, I believe that 'Ragatha' is some form of shift-shaping monster.

It takes the form of a player (maybe its last meal, hence the blood in the water. Rest in Peace, Ragatha, if that's the case) and lures them into a false sense of security (perhaps its knowledgeable enough to know the circus used to be colourful & bright and that was what the players were used to. Which explains why it's Ragatha form is saturated and not dull, like everyone else. That or I'm giving the monster too much credit :P ) before mauling them, eating their remains and starting the cycle anew.

That or the crossover's ending is more metaphorical? Like, the monster is a piece of Ragatha pre-desaturation that managed to manifest after or survive the process and is now some sort of apparition or ghoul? I don't know, just another thought I had going along the doppelgänger angle.

This does still leave the question as to why 'Ragatha' is running towards Jax. Perhaps it is trying to bearhug him to death or another monster wants to eat it, for some reason. And let us all not forget the literal blood in the water. One of 'Ragatha''s previous victims or something else, somewhat hard to say.

Given the mods' statements on how they indent to 'ramp the blog up' combined with mentions of a monster encounter happening soon and recent events, I'm scared as well as anticipating the next plot point.

I was gonna include my other theories but this is getting too long so I'll spilt it up.

-K. Kat ˄·͈༝·͈˄

MOD FENN //

IM RESPONDING TO BOTH OF THESE BUT I SQUEALED/POS WHEN I GOT THESE OH MY GOD i had to put these in a google doc to read them anyways for this part this is what ill tell you: Ragatha is not dead Her (Ragathas) blood is stuffing This is Saturated Ragathas design. There was a good reason for her (saturated) to be running.

#asker k.kat #theories #mod fenn

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orchideae · 9 months

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I'm typing up some responses to these asks, and this sounds crazy, but man, I only just realized how utterly in love I am with Yelan's trailer.

I'll make a post where I'll be dissecting her trailer like I did Kafka's, but it really hit me tonight how even in the first 10 seconds, they really emphasize this 'noir' element that it has. Now for anyone who's unfamiliar, 'noir' is often used in a film noir concept, which is a genre of film that usually involves crime, mystery and a lot of moral ambiguity; and its presentation is also quite specific, often defaulting to B/W or de-saturated visuals in bleak or low lighting, often in weather and hours of the day that only add to the setting and mood respectively. Along with this, because it emerged during the 1940s and 1950s, it goes hand in hand with a lot of smokey, smooth jazz music, as that was the era when that peaked.

All of these things are present in Yelan's trailer. Immediately when you load in, you see Liyue Harbor in the background but it's not during the hours during which it's bright or at its most beautiful, no, it's bleak, grim and it's raining, and immediately we hear a slow piano kicking it. And when we zoom in on her and the man that she's talking to, they're momentarily out of focus and we really see the stark contrast of the warmth of the lights and the street that they're standing in while there's something close to a downpour. And god, the reveal of her face, or more specifically, her eyes, is so incredibly delayed that it immediately adds a sense of mystery, but more so, of intrigue, something so significant to her character. But to return to the weather for a second; Genshin is usually so bright and rain isn't exactly the most common— that the rain in this, and the mood it creates, really stands out to me. Instead of the bright colors that we're always faced with, we instead see very desaturated colors which bring it closer to that B/W feeling that is so inherently and intrinsically tied to the 'noir' genre. And the music, ugh, and it continues, it literally becomes so jazzy, none of this can be a coincidence, but now I'm even more hooked to her character. Ugh. It's literally what I said in my NY'E' post, every time I think I don't get more crumbs, I either am given more or I re-watch things and have all these new revelations. Hoyo, this has got to be a strategic and very intended decision, it's driving me crazy.

Yelan started as a character I wanted to pull for game-play purposes (was told not to, and then I learned she's pretty much a must pull), and then finally got, to finally playing through Perilous Trail and going 'uh oh', to then still wondering sometimes why I love her as much as I do. And then I realize this stuff, and everything makes sense and I love her even more.

#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ honestly most of this was going to be a tag ramble; but i couldn't resist making this a bit more coherent and putting it in the post. ]#[ but i'm going insane. i've had such a strong film noir phase and i still love it dearly. ]#[ and her playing into that-- god. why did i not realize it before. ]#[ uuuuuuuUUUUGHHH. moral ambiguity and the seduction within and of said morality. the intrigue. ]#[ the mood. the setting. ]#[ the way a casino also perfectly ties into this but also is simply a /very good/ and immensely smart/logical option in terms of... ]#[ gathering intelligence and /making sure it doesn't backfire on you/. ]#[ because i'm sure ning has some knowledge of it-- but outside of it; it's not like the crooks who gamble there... ]#[ would ever report her or complain too much about any losses or whatnot-- because they're crooks. they stand more to lose. ]#[ any way; i digress. /SLAMS HANDS ON DESK. ]#[ i'm going insane. i may also be changing up her banner in two seconds-- again. save me. ]

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rosabienfuerte · 2 years

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I really love the way that you utilize color in your work. And how you use so many different brushes in your digital art .....it inspires me .... I'd never really think of using certain combinations of them in my own art etc ......I kinda stick to 1 brush that I use for an entire piece ...want to try msking more digital art with the way you use the different brushes a bit more....also I love the way that u don't blend at times with digital pieces and instead move between a bunch of different colors to create like...."""shading""" sort of .......love 🌈🌈🌈 Im really not in a color mood right now for my own art. But your use of color in yours inspires me on a more emotional level when it comes to how I create rather than me physically using color in my srt like u do lol

Oh my god wow..i was just thinking about you Spoon. Like just now.

Thank you so much really..im really inspired by like.."tacky" use of digital art tools.. i love airbrush and star brush etc etc..really so fun to use..i found the most incredible pearl ornamental brushes today..? i couldnt believe it..the way it was posted too so beautiful, im on phone now but i can link it later tomorrow it was really so heartwarming?

And also thank you i love colors..today was like..so many screens my eyes are gonna fall off LOL and constant music too. enneagram 7 moments. I feel like using muted colors would be good for me.. or lots of greys, and maybe very very dark colors too, desaturation, its a scary concept like life sucked out of the world but that is not true.. its just the whole world.. it has everything

i would like to explore "infrared " ways of thinking when coloring i think that could be so interesting

i really love your recent art so much by the way its so interesting to me that youre doing black&white.. when i saw it i thought of nature like little insects and dry leaves..

Again thank you so much, while doing these i was sort of..worried? about the buyable-ness of them.. i have a fair in some weeks and have to print stuff and felt insecure about recent pieces...

Its lovely getting a message from you spoon.💗 Have a wonderful day it is always beautiful to talk .. these exchanges 💗🌈

#asks #mildcicada

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chronomaza · 2 years

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"Adding up" - A short story by me

I saw an angel sitting on my porch this morning.

A man with brilliant silvery wings and dark skin, clad in a silky white dress shirt and holographic jacket, sitting on the outdoor couch in the morning dew. They were looking down at some sort of dizzlingly complex tablet as it floated in front of them. They did not touch it, but it remained in place as numbers were written into it.

Cautiously, I approached them. They were muttering something, and as I got closer, I realized what it was.

“6… 5… 10…”

My curiosity now getting the better of me, I walked up to them.

“Excuse me,” I asked. “What are you doing on my porch?”

The angel briefly looked up at me with desaturated yellow eyes and deep, navy blue pupils, then went back to their tablet. “Oh. Hello there. 20… 2… 12…”

I huffed and crossed my arms. Divine entity or not, I demanded I know their business being on my property. “That didn’t answer my question, why–”

“Sorry, I’m a little focused right now. 40… 2… 80… I’m doing some important work right now, been moving around a lot, and this spot looked comfortable enough to rest a bit, so. 12… 29… 5…”

I looked down at their tablet and its steady flow of seemingly meaningless numbers. “And… what is it you’re doing, exactly?”

“Counting. 67… 8… 7…”

“Yes, I can see that. But it’s rather out of order, isn’t it?”

“It’s not counting up, it’s gathering numbers. 2… 120… So, really, I’m not counting, I’m adding- well, it’s adding.” they gestured towards the tablet. “487… 68… Numbers appear, I say them, and they’re added to a sum in a different program for collection- data’s important.”

“Seems rather inefficient that you’d need to speak into it, doesn’t it?”

“Well, it keeps my hands free. 9… 15…” They said, not doing anything notable with their hands. “Besides, if I did use my hands, I’d surely lose them from how much I’d have to type.”

The angel suddenly paused, looking worried. “Wait… hold on.” they scrolled upwards on their tablet. “487…?” They swiped at the screen on their tablet, causing a second screen to appear beside it. They typed something on it, but I couldn’t see it.

I sat down next to them. “What’s it for, anyways?”

I seemingly caught their attention again. “Oh, I can’t tell you right now. Maybe I can in a minute or two, depending on how severe this gets. 860… 1647?! Shit! It is increasing fast! What the hell?! 2… 78… 346…”

“I thought angels didn’t cuss.”

They stifled a laugh. “That’s a stereotype- I sure as hell do. 2689… 345… 32… You would too if you had my job.”

“And… your job is…?”

“Again, I’ve already told you, adding up. 2345… 456… 823… 25…”

“Surely it can’t just be that, right? Surely there’s something else to it, right?”

They sighed a little. “Yes, but I don’t believe I’m allowed to tell you that either. 3007… 124… 743… 6789…”

“Why?”

“It’d scare you. 12786…” They scowled. “12786- Fuck me! What’s going on right now?! 345… 2345…”

Well, it was no use trying to get any answers at this point. I figured they couldn’t tell me much, so I decided to ask them something else. “What’s your name?”

They smiled a little. “Mavu. And I don’t believe anyone has bothered to ask that before. 3245… 8275… 1235…”

“Mavu huh?”

“Yep. 456…”

“Say, what’s it like being an angel, anyways?”

Mavu chuckled. “You ask odd questions. 23467… 9032… 5678…”

“What do you mean?”

“Most people don’t ask these sorts of questions. 46256… 23435… 2345…” They suddenly seemed incredibly nervous, and looked through the previous numbers. They mumbled something vulgar under their breath, but shook themself and continued. “Usually it’s stuff relating to their religion or whatever. You know, what happens after death, who god is, etc, etc. Both questions I’m not allowed to answer, by the way. 3245… 13567…”

“I’ve never been a super religious person. Besides, I guess I’m just curious.”

“Hm, I see. Well, an angel is just kind of what I am, it’s my job that really matters. 213245- I… GOD! What the hell?! Sorry- that wasn’t at you, 2468… 8927… As for my job, it’s… not fun, but someone’s gotta do it. 9348...”

“I see. Does your job pay well, at least?”

“Angels don’t have a need for money. 345…”

“I almost envy you…”

Suddenly, they stared blankly at their tablet, almost in a horrified way. “938237… 4234… Ok, no, this thing has got to be broken.” They pressed a button on the screen and the same number appeared again. They pressed it over and over, but the same thing happened every time. “Tears began to well up in their eyes. “No… no… no… no…” They briefly looked my way. “I’m sorry, this is sudden, but… can I… hold you?”

I woke up a little, both surprised and perhaps a bit flattered. “Uh… any… particular reason?”

Mavu went quiet for a moment, then wiped tears from their eyes. “I’ll tell you in a minute. Just… please, can I hold you? 1023478… 583394… shit… I… I… just really need some comfort right now, that’s all.”

“Ok, sure.”

“Thank you.” Mavu gently grabbed me and pulled me closer until I was sitting on their lap, and wrapped their wings around me as if they were a blanket. They rested their head on my shoulder and squeezed me tightly, almost like one would hold a cat while they were stressed. “14568646… 435567… 4358892… 239884111… oh god… no… no… no… This can’t be real, it can’t be…”

“You know, for the record, I believe this counts as cuddling.”

“I know… 100023478… I’m sorry…”

I let out a relaxed sigh and laid back into their arms. Sure, it was a little out of the blue, but I didn’t mind. Something about their embrace was unbelievably comforting. So warm, so soothing. Besides, I wasn’t going to pass up something like this.

I looked up at the sky as they went back to softly muttering their strange numbers. The sun had only risen a few minutes ago, and birds were chirping everywhere.

Everything seemed remarkably normal, and rather peaceful, until I turned my eyes to my right. On the horizon, was an ominous rim of glowing red light. Unexplainable rumbles could faintly be heard, and I could’ve sworn they were getting closer.

Mavu squeezed me even tighter, their tears now soaking my shoulder. “302983217… I… I believe I can tell you what my job is now. I-I don’t think the numbers will matter anymore in a moment…”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know. I don’t mind.”

“No… I… I think it’d be the right thing to do at this point.”

The rumbles in the distance were getting noticeably louder, so much so that it was obvious it wasn’t from a thunderstorm.

“Alright, then what’s your job?” I asked.

Mavu wiped away their tears. “I’d like to apologize, first. For being so clingy, I mean. You see, I’m usually not like this.”

“Hey it’s alright, don’t get all bent over that. Besides, this is one hell of a thing to brag to my friends about. If they even believe me in the first place, heh…”

They chuckled a little, and teared up even more.

“Hey, it’s ok, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”

“It’s not that. I wouldn’t mind either way, I know very well nobody would believe you.” They looked up at the sky in a lonesome sort of way, then back down at me. “Thank you for comforting me like this.”

“It’s really no problem, it’s just the kind thing to do. But I do think you’re dodging my question.”

They rested their head on my shoulder again, closing their eyes. “I’m not sure if I want to tell you.”

“Again, you really don’t have to.”

“No, I do have to. I’m holding you in my arms, I’ve been talking to you. You deserve to know. You see… my job…” Mavu put his hands together, and his tablet turned into light, retreating into his pocket.

I waited in anticipation, watching the sky. As Mavu hesitated a little, I saw streaks of red dash through the clouds, burning them away and giving everything a red tint.

Soon, the entire sky was ablaze, waves of fire were dancing across the sky like a hellish version of the northern lights. I could feel the ground shaking, car alarms starting to go off and birds fleeing into the air.

The air was getting hotter, too hot to breathe, screams were echoing in the distance, steadily growing louder, and a horrendous, terrifying roar like a motor was rising up from the depths of the earth, becoming louder and louder.

It was then, softly, Mavu spoke again, scarcely audible over the now deafening turmoil around us, his voice somber and quiet. “My job… is tallying up human deaths for soul collection.”

#writing #my writing #short story #horror #angels #writers on tumblr #writeblr #short fiction

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istherewifiinhell · 2 years

Text

My morning dose of being sad about turtles, and afternoon dose of blogging about em.

Last Ronin spoilers, natch, and content warnings will be first thing under the cut

The pictures have blood, piercing wounds, and generally, violence. And metioned on top of that, death (familial), suicide and self harm, and drowning.

those are pretty telling aren't they....

Starting with flash back content.

[Image descriptions same as alt text]

[ID: Raphael running into April and Casey's appartment, dripping blood and knocking over a chair. He yells "Make a hole! *Incoming!*". April who'se recoiled from his entrance says "Oh my god... *Raph?!*". Raph wears a leather vest/harness that covers the front and back of his shell, and has a thigh holster. END ID]

[ID: Mikey and Donnie holding up a very injured and bleeding Splinter between them. Donnie says "April grab the *med kit!* Bring *everything!*, and Splinter groans in pain. Mikey is also yelling. END ID]

[ID: Mikey and Apirl lifting Splinter onto a table, April at his head, and Mikey on one arm. The table is quickly covered in blood. Mikey says "Easy... easy..." END ID]

[ID: Donnie holding Splinter's other hand in both oh his, looking crestfallen. April hold a part of scissors above Spinter's head and says "Donnie, help me *cut* the clothing way and clear all this blood." Donnie replies "I... I... I don't know *where* to start." Donnie wears a brown hat with ear flaps, his eye mask aroud his neck like a scarf, and light coat. END ID]

crestfallen... broken... completely shattered? maybe thats just me tho.

[ID: Raph sitting at the table by Splinter's feet, arms crossed infront of him. He says "Foot bastards..." Mikey stands near him, looking sadly over Splinter. Mikey has a sleeveless hooded coat. END ID]

[ID: Leo sheathing one sword, he wears a dark brown leather duster. He has a few splashes of blood on him. END ID]

And thus completes the turtle fashion, sadness edition. Fellas I know its like. The worst day of your life (worst day of their life *so far*), but, you look great.

[ID: Donnie in profile looking solemn. Raph behind him has both hands to his head, face scrunched up in anguish. END ID]

I cannot bare these expression. I feel like im gonna explode. But it gets worse

The trifecta of mikey softness and utter devastation. [All are of Mikey sitting by Splinter's side, holding his hand]

[ID: 1. Gazing sadly at Splinter, expression looking wobbly saying "Rear guard Sensei. Making sure we all got *Clear.*" 2. Splinter is pained as he says "Karai... trying to end it... once and for all." Mikey in profile, tears running from under his mask, says "Shhh... We *got* you, Sensei. It's okay." 3. Small drawing in the corner of a panel. The hand hold is a very gentle clasp now. Mikey's eyes are closed and he's leant very close to Splinter's snout, as if they could be whispering, bumping heads, or just listening to his breath. END ID]

fucking. I. YOU. ArGH. my boy.... my boy.

time to miss that side of him even more.

[In all, present Mikey is devoid of gear, clothes or eye mask, but is his head and arms have many small square bandages]

[ID: Mikey in the foreground, sitting at a table, at the other seats are visions of his brothers, desaturated and in cooler tones. They have their identifiable features now, masks slightly tinted, and gear visible. They also look significantly younger than Mikey. There are 3 cups, a dirty plate and screwdriver -near Donnie- on the table. Leo says "Yeah. Hard to believe *anyone* survived that." And Raph adds "Talk about *miracles*... Right, Mike?". Mikey says "Uh... Yeah. Yeah. Right." END ID]

really comparing the flashback turtles to him fucks me right up. but anyway. donnie's inexplicable screwdriver tho...

[ID: Mikey standing up behind his seat at the table, now seeing the chairs and table top as completely empty. He finishes a previous sentence "... Honor." END ID]

Oh my friends, my friends don't ask me what your sacrifice was for.... much... jesus.

[ID: Mikey standing in a kitchen, as seen from the far side of the table. He raises a cup of tea and says "I *will* finish what *we* started. What *Master Splinter* raised us to do. The last *Oroku*... [will die.]". The three phantom hands of his brothers raise their cups too. END ID]

now. now. hmm. I. That's concerning. That. that doesnt seem good.

but. questions of parenting or perhaps lessons long since twisted, for a quest of vengence aside. I have to ask. Do u think perspective is just hard (to draw and interpret) or maybe Raph just like. Really likes big cups of tea...

Well speaking of him. Wonder how he was holding up in the past.

[ID: Raph, covered in blood, numerous arrows pierce his leather vest, his shell, and his skin. In a low stance he holds his sais up, teeth grit. Framed by a red moon is Oroku Karai, dressed in all red, two swords in backwards grips, and descending upon him. She says "Yes... *We will*!" END ID]

oh... okay then....

[ID: Two panels, of Raph fighting, even more battle damaged. 1. Arm outstretched, hes taken a sword in the junction between his shoulder and his shell almost up to the hilt, bleeding heavily. 2. Blocking a strike aiming at his head with his sai, head partially retracted into his shell. Karai and him are both down a weapon, his other hand empty and both of hers on her remaining sword. END ID]

Man...

So again. The not pictured for sake of. Not posting the whole dang comic and. for. ough boy. of it. Him and Karai's fight is a tragic symmetrical erosion until they end up in the water. Grappling and with one free hand each they stab each other. Great visuals, fucking heartbreaking. Thematic mirroring for the cost of violence for violence... The revenge for the deaths of their father's. (That would be. Assumed death, on Raph's part tho. which, aint that the kicker...)

So like. The suicidal solo mission acts of revenge run in the family huh.... woof.

#some shit #turbles...#why do i do this at work again. oh cause im bored and i love pain. i guess.#heeeeey btw. just cause idk if ever came up and any beloveds are seeing this. the foot clan is the enemy of the turtles.#uhh if that one panel seemed inexplicable. its part of the parody origin we just all gotta take as part of it now.#anywaaaayy.#yeah from yesterday. i did read more today but i wont post it yet.#comic that. destroys me : )#turtle fashion digest #<- with saddness #idw placeholder tag

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