#oh god it really is just an ensemble isn't it

[reiderwriter]

Isn't She Pretty, Daddy?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Teacher f!Reader

Summary: You're a little bit worried about one of your brightest students recently, so you call her Dad to come in for a meeting. Her absolutely adorable - and single - Dad.

Warnings: the birds and the bees as explained by a kindergardener. Some angst about being a single parent.

A/N: Here's another entry for @imagining-in-the-margins Kid Fic Challenge! Dad Spencer has my heart, and I've been in a really fluff forward mood this weekend, evidently! I think I have one more Kid Fic left to go before the end of the challenge, but we'll see what the will of the fanfiction gods is...

Masterlist

If you were to be asked what the hardest part of being a teacher was, you would, without question or even a second to think, have an answer. Parents. The worst part of teaching is talking to parents. 

Little kids were easy to talk to. They asked questions if they didn't understand things clearly, and they didn't typically say things they didn't mean. Adults were the opposite, and it just so happened that all of your kids' parents were adults. 

Including your most recent problem  child. 

You were used to the kids in your class having some behavior issues - for one, they were kids, it was to be expected that their little bodies couldn't quite handle all of the emotions they were feeling at once. But you were doubly struck by your school area being close to Quantico, meaning half the kids in your care had families with law enforcement backgrounds. 

Absent parents plus growing bodies plus normal kid stress equalled attachment issues, and your problem child Harper Reid was one of your more worrying cases. 

You really hoped everything was okay in the Reid household, so you'd called the little girls parents. She was lovely - honest to god - one of the sweetest little kids you'd ever met. 

Every day she came to school with some older kids and their mom, carpooling on the way in, so you had yet to meet her parents, but you thought that anyone who could produce something that sweet and cute and brilliant couldn't possibly be a bad person. 

You didn't know what to expect, so when her little pigtails peaked around the corner and she came running in, you were momentarily filled with anxiety. 

“MOMMY!” The little girl yelled, launching herself into your arms as soon as she spotted you behind your desk. 

“Hi, Harper! Hi, you must be, Mr. Reid-”

“Doctor, actually, um, but that doesn't really matter. I'm so sorry about this, Harper doesn't usually tackle people.” 

The 3ft tall ball of energy had managed to crawl into your lap and wrap her arms around your neck, so you had to pick her up when you stood to greet her dad. 

“Will your wife be joining us for the meeting today?” You asked, already used to Harper's hugs and general closeness. 

“Oh, no. No, she's not coming. She, uh, doesn't exist. Single father.” 

“Oh my god, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume, it's just not on my files-” 

“It's okay, it's a …bit complicated.” 

You took your seat at the desk and gestured to the man to do the same. Finally, looking at him for the first time now that some of your anxiety had died down, you couldn't help but think that Doctor Reid was incredibly attractive. It wasn't one part of his face that stuck out to you as being particularly pretty, just the entire ensemble of it together that took your breath away. Either that of Harper was gripping you so tight she was restricting your ability to breathe, and considering a five year old is not a boa constrictor, this was all dad's fault. 

“So, you said on the phone Harper's been having some problems at school?” 

You snapped your attention back to the issue at hand, searching for the relevant files and pictures you wanted to show the man. Harper turned herself around in your lap and looped her arms around your arm, pulling it in close to use as a pillow. 

“Isn't Miss Y/N so pretty, Daddy?” You froze and flushed in an instant, suddenly so aware of the man's eyes on you. You weren't sure if you were thankful or even more embarrassed that Harper's dad seemed to be even more flushed than you. 

“Daddy? Isn't she pretty?” Harper insisted, and you realized that you both weren't going to get out of this without him answering. 

“Yes, angel. Miss Y/N is very pretty.” The little girl smiled in triumph and nuzzled into your arm even more, happily curled up into your lap like a cat. 

“Hey, Harper. We got a new puzzle delivered yesterday. It's got My Melody and Cinnamaroll on it. They're your favorites, right?” 

The little girl nodded in glee, eyes shining as she hung on your every word. 

“How about you go over to the play area and get it started, and then me and your daddy will come over and help you finish it?” 

In a flash, she'd hopped up out of your lap and wriggled away, shouting a quick “You promised, right?” behind her as she went. 

“I'm so sorry about that, I don't know what's gotten into her, she's usually very shy and-”

“Doctor Reid, it's fine. That's just why I called you in today. Teachers and parents are a team, right, we work together to make sure the kids grow up well, you don't need to apologize to me for that.” 

The man seemed to take a deep breath and nod, to regain his wits about him for a second. 

“Is she… this attached in her regular classes?” 

“Well honestly, she was a bit like that at the beginning of the semester, but she grew out of it after a while. In the last week or so, she fell back into it, and now she's calling me ‘Mommy,’ too. I was wondering if anything happened recently at home that could've led her in this direction, or…”

The man looked a little bashful, but there was a twinge of sadness in his expression that you recognised all too well. 

“Harper, uh, doesn't have a Mom. I adopted her, and it's a long story, but... She's been asking me to get her one recently, because she doesn't really understand all that well? I'm sorry, I didn't know she'd do something like this. I should've done a better job at home-” 

“Doctor Reid, raising a child is hard. It's so hard that humans usually do it in communities, or at least in couples. You're doing it alone, and Harper is already one of the smartest and most empathetic little girls I know. You're doing your job as Dad just fine.” 

The man smiled at you and looked down, quickly wiping away a tear as you gave him a moment of privacy. 

“So. If nothing at home set Harper off, we should probably go and ask her why she's calling me mommy, right?” 

You stood, and he stood with you, leaving his satchel next to his chair and unbuttoning his jacket. 

“Great. Sure, let's go see.”

Walking to the back of the room, you both smiled quietly, looking at the small girl. The 100 piece puzzle you'd guided her to was neatly arranged on the desk, pieces split into edges and centre pieces as she slowly looked at each one with a quietly focused face. Each time she found the piece she was looking for, her smile was bright as she connected it to the small part she was working on. 

“Mommy! Daddy! I can't find the melody's face, can you help me?” 

“Sure, Harper, we'll help you.” You moved to sit beside her at the tiny desks, giggling when the older Reid on Harper's other side struggled to fit himself in the toddler sized chairs. 

Harper assigned you roles, and you all started quietly doing your jobs, waiting for Harper to focus again so you could ask her questions without agitating her. 

“Harper, can you tell your Daddy why you call me Mommy?” 

“Sure! You're Mommy because I want you to marry with Daddy.” 

If you weren't already still flushed from her earlier comments, you certainly were lightheaded with embarrassment now. 

“Harper, that's not how it works-” 

“Yes, it is, Daddy! Henry said so. He said his mommy and daddy were sad one day, but then they were together again and they had a big party called a wedding and now they're happy, and that's why we have Michael.” You didn't quite follow from all the names and the story events, but it was evident that Reid did, so you waited quietly for his explanation. 

“My friend. Her son was at her wedding a few years back. They have another son who is a couple years older than Harper, they come to school together?” 

Your mouth made a small ‘o’ as you slowly filled in the blanks. 

“Harper, you want daddy to have a wedding so he isn't sad anymore?��� 

The little girl gave a big nod and a smile, like she was so happy that she was finally being understood. 

“Miss Y/N should marry daddy because he thinks she's pretty. Henry said that was important for a wedding, your mommy has to look beautiful.” You made eye contact with Doctor Reid awkwardly as she spoke, both of you looking away for fear of seeing the embarrassment on each others faces. 

“And Miss Y/N wants a baby. So I will be Miss Y/N's baby, so everyone can be happy!” Harper's kid logic was a little hard to find fault with, but you still had to push back a little. 

“Harper, why do you think I want a baby?” 

“Angie asked you, and you said," the girl pouted, almost frustrated woth habing to answer all these silly questions.

"She asked you why you don't have a baby, and you said that you can only have a baby if you're married and that you wanted to have a baby when you were married. So marry my dad, and I'll be your baby!” 

Harper's smile was so happy and content that you really didn't want to spoil her dream just yet. You continued putting the puzzle together for a few minutes in silence, the full picture nearly being complete now. Harper seemed to fidget a little in her seat next to you, pushing closer and closer to you before tugging on your sleeve. 

You leaned down and she whispered in your ear - though you didn't doubt that her dad heard every word. 

“If you really want, I'm sure we can get another baby like Henry got Michael. I'll ask my dad, but I think it's allowed.” 

The poor man on the other side of the desk had to cover his face with his hands to stop the blush from showing, devolving to just straight up resting his head on the desk when his daughter kept going. 

“A boy is okay, but my dad doesn't really know about boy stuff. Uncle Derek says that my daddy is just a pretty boy with a book brain. We should get another girl, so daddy can be not worry.” 

The more you listened to Harper's adorable family plan, the more you just wanted to squeeze her tight and say yes and give her everything she wanted. 

“Miss Y/N, once again, I'm so sorry for everything, I'll talk with Harper at home about this.” 

“It's okay, I actually find it all very sweet,” you laughed a little and smiled back at him. 

“No, I'm sure your boyfriend would be so uncomfortable if he knew that she was trying to marry you off-” 

“Doctor Reid, are you trying to ask me if I'm single?” 

The small grin that quirked his lips up was nothing if not unfair. He really was a very pretty boy. 

“It was that obvious?” 

“Yep.” You made sure the ‘p’ popped a lot as you both shared a small laugh. Harper looked up between you and smiled, too. 

“So, can you get married now? Henry said you can do it really quickly, like in Grandpa Rossi's garden, and then you can go and do the secret part at home while Auntie Penny looks after me.” 

“Secret part?” 

“To make the other baby, silly!” 

[reallyromealone]

Title: hazbin security

Fandom: hazbin hotel

Characters: hazbin hotel ensemble, male reader

Fic type: story - romance

Pairings: angel dust x reader

Warnings: male reader, reader insert, angst, rape themes, reader is a giant, reader is a sweetheart, mentions of nsfw, adult language, mention of kinks, hurt to comfort

Notes: bing bong

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

The hotel went quiet as a hulking demon stepped in, having to crouch under he door to enter "uhh, hi?" Charlie said putting on a friendly smile as the 13 foot tall demon stared at her quietly and held up a paper advertisement along with a resume "oh! You're here for the security position!" She said excitedly as the massive demon nodded, everyone too unnerved by his hulking presence to even begin to think about anything else.

Charlie and Alastor went to the back with him, husk looking at angel dust with raised eyebrows as the door closed "holy shit!" Husk said to his close friend who's sipped his martini, nodding "he's a fuckin' giant, seriously! He could crush us!" The spider demon said almost awe struck as he barely hit the demons chest, angel knew he was probably hung like hell... Something he could feel in his stomach.

Charlie busted in "everyone meet our newest security! (Name)!" Charlie introduced the silent demon as the others awkwardly waved to no response as (name) nodded softly, a passive expression on his face.

And that's how it was, everyone went about their days as (name) despite his size lurked quietly in the shadows out of view but angel always kept a keen eye on him, he stressed him out... Reminded him of the people val made him sleep with.

Especially since (name) always glanced at him, like he was suspicious of him... Angel hated it.

"Give me the word, I'll handle him" husk would back up angel dust and the spider demon smiled at his best friend "thanks husky" he smiled, happy he found a genuine friend in the bartender as (name) threw out some crackhead who pissed on the carpet in defiance.

It was late as Angel dust walked to the hotel, exhausted and drained as his heels clicked against the pavement, today was shit and he just wanted to go home...

"Excuse me?" A gravelly voice called as the spider turned to see an imp with an intense glare "you're... You're Angel dust right? I saw your work..." They said seriously and angel felt his hair stand on edge as he looked at the other "what's it to ya?" Angel hissed out as the imp stepped closer and angel stepped back "I really... Admire your work... You look amazing on the big screen though... It pales to the real deal" they said heatedly as Angel felt he needed to get away and fast "no you don't!" The imp hissed out as he grabbed angel dust and pinned him to the ground "I wanna see if you're like how you are on the big screen!" The imp said maniacally as he tore at angels shirt.

Angel felt tears well up in his eyes, fuck he didn't want this to go how it did...

No!

Shit!

"Show me your cute-- holy shit!" The imp was lifted as angel shook, looking at his savior and was surprised when he saw (name) throw the imp like a ragdoll before lifting angel into his arm, the spider secured snuggly in his bicep as he went back to the hotel without a word. Angel was shaking as he just let (name) take him wherever, he didn't care anymore... He just wanted this night to be over.

(Name) Put his sweater over the other, nights in hell we're ice cold and (name) seemed genuinely worried as he took the scared demon back to the hotel. (Name) Didn't speak a word as angel looked up at him fearfully as he processed what happened.

The lobby and the hotel was pretty empty as it was late as everyone was either at home or in their respective rooms, the massive demon just clicking the elevator button as he glanced down at the other before looking forward.

"Wait this isn't..." Oh god, angel panicked as they passed his room and He felt his fears confirmed as they went to (name)s room and he was plopped on the bed unceremoniously, closing his eyes and expecting the worst until a t-shirt handed to him and the white haired demon watched as (name) turned around, Angel realized he gave him one of his massive shirts that fit like a dress. He hid the smile on his face at the fact the massive demon wanted to respect his privacy even though every part of angel had been broadcasted across hell.

But it felt nice... Being respected.

Angel felt awkward as he spoke softly "I'm uh, I'm finished changing big boy" he hoped it wasn't some kink, a lot of demons loved seeing angel in their clothes and fucking like that but was more surprised when (Name) Left the room as angel processed what happened and was elated to see the massive demon gold a tiny piggy in his hand, setting him in angels lap "nuggie!" Angel smiled as (name) sat on the ground, even sitting he held perfect eye contact "thanks... Why did you help me?" Angel didn't get it, no one ever did anything in hell without wanting something in return and (name) tilted his head "why wouldn't I?"

"So do you wanna fuck as a thank you?" Angel asked bluntly and (name) just stared at him "no"

"Then why would you help me if you didn't want to fuck?!"

"You deserve to be treated with respect, i wasn't going to allow such scum to treat you with anything less" the demon grunted, angel realizing that this was the first conversation be ever had with the other, the demons voice soothing to his ears. "you aren't as intimidating as I thought" angel said genuinely as he slid down beside (name), smiling up at him "I intimidated you?" (Name) Seemed genuinely confused and angel cackled "we all were! You're a massive demon who never talks!" (Name) Looked down at his own body and seemed to be in thought "that must be why people run..."

Angel let out a genuine laugh and kissed the others cheek "you ain't intimidating at all anymore to me!" He teased and (name) seemed flustered a bit at the others actions "nuggie seems to like ya" angel said as the tiny piggy crawled into (name)s lap and promptly fell asleep, normally he stuck to angel and angel alone.

"I just admit I have been feeding him little treats, my apologies" (name) seemed embarrassed as angel felt his heart melt a bit, not only was this giant so sweet to him but his pet!

(Name) Let angel sleep in his bed, the demon trying to set up shop on the floor when angel practically forced him on the bed "it's big enough for both of us!" And angel didn't want to sleep alone, the night shaking him up as he snuggled into (name)s side.

Waking up, angel was being held like glass as (name) cuddled him close to his chest as If he were the most precious thing in the world.

Angel didn't want to move, the domestically sweet energy making him feel emotions he wasn't used to.

And god was (name)s chest the most comfortable thing ever, practically smothered by the large pectoral muscles and his massive arms keeping him secure.

Maybe he could close his eyes and enjoy this a little longer...

When (name) woke he gently tucked the spider in as he got out of bed, grabbing a sweater for the other and a pair of boxers for him to wear as he wasn't sure if Angel wanted to wear sleep clothes when he woke...

What he didn't know was angel woke and stared at him curious as the massive demon out together some clothes for him, already dressed for the day and a goody smile played on his face.

He was gonna fuck this demon.

But romantically.

Angel stuck to (name) all day, the bigger demon letting him sit on his shoulder as he went about his day, angel dust talking away as the other listened carefully.

Eventually (name) needed to attend to things as he set angel carefully at the bar and walked off to do whatever it was charlie and Alastor needed him to do.

"So like, you fucking the big guy?" Husk asked bluntly and Angel dust explained what happened, the massive demon being nothing short of a gentleman to the lustful demon "he's only touched me to give me clothes or if I initiated it!" Angel was confused, usually people touch him first and without asking but (name) always looked at him for assurance before doing anything to the white spider, it was nice.

He felt special.

"You deserve someone nice like that, he's always watchin' ya, at first I thought he was glaring but now I think he was worried for ya" it was true, (name) always kept an eye on angel dust and the spider thought (name) was suspicious of him but...

Angel returned to the security demons room that night and (name) looks like a surprised puppy as he let the other in, angel looking up at him expectantly "I wanna fuck you but romantically" angel said simply and (name) tilted his head "you know you don't need to fuck me to be with me" he said simply and angel looked suspicious at him "what? You into cucking?"

(Name) Just lifted the spider and set him in his lap, absolutely tiny comparatively as he turned on the tv and pulled the blanket over them, kissing angel dusts forehead sweetly. Though their relationship seemed a bit rushed, angel couldn't help the goofy smile on his face as he snuggled into (name)s chest, the larger demon kissing his head softly.

Yeah...

He could get used to this.

[yaniluvs]

𝒾𝒾𝒾 ⁞ AS WE ARE “𝑎 𝑏𝘰𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑦, 𝑠𝑎𝜈𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑦𝘰𝑢𝑟 𝘰𝑛𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝘰𝑛𝑙𝑦.” ── hang out. libraries. kids. food. turns out, baseball guy isn't only a baseball guy..?

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𓍯 baseballcapt!seungmin ʚଓ fem!reader ：（ 𝒾 ）9.1k── ༯ SERIES uni au, slow paced & slow burn, curiosity, fluff, strangers to friends to ???, small town, slight angst, language, skz ensemble, very long, y/n is a foreigner/has mixed ethnicity, angsty, humour. ⸝⸝𓂃 LiBRARY . /ᐠ.ꞈ.ᐟ\ྀིྀི

yani's note ˖˙ ᰋ a month and 5 days to the last update of this fic omg !!!!! yes it is finally here and it's very long. IM SORRY but i love this chapter sm im actually so proud of myself with this :3 hope you all like it !! <3 i love seungmin sm guys, pls tag me if you find any good seungmo fics mwah. also when i posted the last chapter, i had only crossed 300 followers. right now, as of when im posting this, i actually just passed 600 of you, oh my god. in a span of 36 days, thank you so much to every single one of you ! this really motivates me a lot :(( i am also posting the requested fics soon loves, please be patient !!! comments, likes, req/asks and reblogs are always appreciated ! send in a reply or an ask if you want to be in my mastertag, or my individual series' taglists. happy reading <3

the sun hung low in the sky, its warm rays stretching lazily over the quiet baseball field. a faint breeze rustled the leaves of nearby trees, carrying with it the distant hum of voices from the university festival on the other side of town.

y/n strolled across the usual field with her usual carefree stride, her satchel slung over one shoulder and a grande paper cup of peach tea in her hand. her gaze caught a familiar figure, who she may have been hoping to find.

he stood on the pitcher’s mound, his cap pulled low over his face as usual, a baseball gripped loosely in his hand. his focus was sharp, his movements practiced and fluid as he wound up and pitched the ball toward the net. the satisfying smack of the ball hitting its target echoed across the empty field.

she paused for a moment, watching him. he looked so at ease here, like the field was an extension of himself. she smiled to herself before calling out, “practicing alone again?”

seungmin turned at the sound of her voice, his expression softening slightly when he saw her. “car girl, again,” he said, a hint of amusement in his tone.

she rolled her eyes at the nickname, though she couldn’t help but smile. “that nickname is never going away, is it?”

“not a chance,” he said, turning back to the net and throwing another pitch.

she began teasingly, walking closer to the netted boundary of the field. “so, has this time now become your usual or are you just excited to see your new friend everyday now?”

he shrugged, tossing the ball idly in one hand. “don't flatter yourself, maybe it's because i'm actually bored for once.”

“oh well, didn't hurt to try,” she laughed softly, the sound light and warm like the breeze that rustled the trees surrounding the field. she stopped a few feet away from him, crossing her arms as she watched the ball sail cleanly into the net. “your friends aren't here today?”

“nope,” he replied, brushing a bit of dirt off his palm. “they’re at some event thing on campus. didn’t feel like going.”

“why not?” she asked, genuinely curious.

he shrugged, retrieving another ball from the bucket nearby. “not my scene.”

she tilted her head, a teasing smile on her lips. “you say that about a lot of things.”

“that’s because it’s true about a lot of things,”

“so, instead of loud festivals, you decided to spend your evening throwing balls alone?”

“better than standing around pretending to have fun,” he said, his lips twitching into a faint smirk as he pitched the ball again.

“you really do have a grumpy streak, don’t you?”

“i’m not grumpy,” he shot back, catching the ball as it rebounded off the glove.

“you keep saying that,” she said, her voice light with amusement. “but i’m not convinced.”

seungmin glanced at her, shaking his head. “you talk too much.”

“again, only because you talk too little,” she countered easily, her grin widening.

he let out a soft huff—somewhere between a sigh and a laugh—before walking over to grab the ball again. this time, instead of pitching, he sat down on the grass near her, resting his elbows on his knees.

she blinked in mild surprise but quickly recovered, sitting up straighter. “taking a break?”

“something like that,” he said, spinning the ball absently in his hands.

“so,” she began, tucking her legs beneath her and leaning forward slightly. “if you don’t like festivals or loud places, what do you like?”

he gave her a sidelong glance, as if deciding whether to answer. “quiet places. like the library.”

“oh, so you did like the library,” she teased, her eyes sparkling.

he shook his head, a faint smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “i liked that it was quiet.”

“and because it had me,” she joked, “and what else? besides quiet places?”

he was quiet for a moment, his gaze drifting to the horizon where the sun hung low, casting long shadows across the field. “baseball,” he said eventually. “obviously.”

“obviously,” she echoed with a playful smile. “what else?”

“you’re really nosy,” he said, though his tone lacked any real bite.

“i prefer ‘curious,’” she said with a shrug. “come on, there’s gotta be more to you than baseball and quiet places.”

he didn’t respond right away, and for a moment, she thought he might not answer at all. but then he said, almost reluctantly, “music.”

her eyes lit up. “really? what kind?”

“depends,” he said, turning the ball in his hands. “mostly calm stuff. acoustic, sometimes jazz.”

“same!” she said excitedly, leaning forward. “do you play anything?”

he glanced at her, his expression unreadable. “guitar. a little, a friend is helping me.”

“seriously?” she asked, her excitement growing. “that’s really cool. i tried to play piano in elementary.. but let's just say i'm not too good with two hands and multitasking.”

"well, guess it’s a good thing breathing only takes one set of lungs."

“you're mean.”

“i prefer honest.”

“what about singing?” she asked again, her voice softer now.

he raised an eyebrow. “what about it?”

“do you sing?”

he shook his head. “not really.”

“not really or not at all?”

“not at all,” he said firmly, though there was a faint glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

“hm, interesting.” she mumbled under her breath, as he looked at her for a bit, and then stood up, dusting the dirt off his tracks and walking back to the field.

“so, what’s your plan? just… keep throwing balls at a net until sunset?”

“pretty much,” he said, glancing at her. “unless you’ve got a better idea.”

“are you admitting to wanting to be in my company?”

“no, i'm simply taking your offer from yesterday. you know, if i ever need help venturing around.”

“oh, did i say that?”

“you compared yourself to dor-”

“it's a rhetorical question!” her cheeks warmed up, at the realisation of her random 'boldness' from the previous day.

“but.. fair enough,” she shrugged, “in that case, i might have a better idea or a few.” she said, her grin widening mischievously.

he raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical but willing to entertain her suggestion. “oh yeah? let’s hear it.”

“well, it’s not much of a plan yet,” she admitted, resting her chin on her knees. “but you could hang out with your beloved library-worker-plus-her-who's-mysteriously-at-the-field-every-day-now-turned-friend, later. you know, after you’re done being all serious and athletic.”

he paused, the ball in his hand, and looked at her fully for a moment. “hang out?”

“yeah,” she said casually, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “you’re bored and free, i’m bored and free… why not?”

he considered her for a moment, his expression unreadable. “you’re pretty straightforward, you know that?”

she grinned, unfazed. “pretty? check. straightforward? definitely check. so yeah, what do you say?”

“i’ll think about it,” he said, turning back to the net.

“wow,” she said, pretending to be offended. “that’s the most noncommittal answer and rejection i’ve ever heard.”

he smirked slightly, not looking at her. “better than a no.”

“fine.” she said with a shrug, leaning back on her hands.

they fell into a comfortable silence after that, the rhythmic thwack of the ball hitting the net filling the air. the sun hung lower in the sky now, casting long shadows across the field and painting everything in shades of gold and orange.

eventually, the guy had straightened up, stretching his arms over his head. He glanced over at y/n, who was still sitting in the grass, absentmindedly twisting a strand of hair around her finger as she watched the sky.

“you’re still here,” he said, his tone more surprised than accusatory.

“oh you're done!” she replied, smiling up at him. “and yeah, of course, i was waiting for your answer.”

he shook his head slightly, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. “you're not gonna leave unless i say no, are you?”

“glad to know you're catching up! but i know you were never gonna say no, if you had a choice too.” her face lit up instantly, her grin so bright it could’ve rivaled the setting sun. “i promise i won’t be too annoying, by the way.”

“somehow, i don’t believe that,” he said, though there was no real bite to his words.

she laughed, springing to her feet and brushing the grass off her skirt. “you’ll survive. come on, let’s go, baseball boy.”

he rolled his eyes but followed her off the field, the faintest hint of a smile still lingering on his lips.

“call me a creep,” she said with a grin, glancing back at him as he tried to catch up with her. “but i did see a messy stack of crumpled music sheets under your backpack the other day. so i know you're not good at lying.”

seungmin froze mid-step, his eyes narrowing slightly as he processed her words. he stopped walking, turning his head slowly to look at her with a mixture of suspicion and amusement.

“you what?” he asked, voice laced with disbelief but not quite sharp.

y/n stopped a few paces ahead of him, spinning around to face him with an innocent shrug and a playful grin. “you heard me.” she leaned slightly toward him as if to emphasize her point.

he blinked at her, “you really are a creep.”

“hey!” she exclaimed, laughing as she placed a hand over her chest in mock offense. “i wasn’t snooping or anything. i just.. happened to see it while you were busy.”

“you just happened to notice crumpled music sheets under my backpack? that’s oddly specific.”

“call it observational skills,” she said matter-of-factly, tilting her head as she smiled at him again. “besides, you’re dodging the point.”

“which is?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

“you’re not good at lying,” she said, her tone teasing but her eyes sparkling with curiosity. “you said you didn’t play anything? but clearly, you’ve got something going on with music.”

he stared at her for a moment, his expression unreadable. she could tell he was debating whether or not to admit anything. finally, he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked off to the side while they walked slower.

“it’s not a big deal,” he muttered, his voice quieter now.

she raised an eyebrow, her grin softening into something more genuine. “clearly, it’s a big enough deal that you’re hiding it.”

“it’s just.. something i mess around with sometimes,” he said, still avoiding her gaze. “nothing serious.”

“mess around with?” she echoed, “like ..writing? playing? singing?”

“all of the above,” he admitted reluctantly, his voice barely audible.

“that's really cool, you know.”

“it’s not,” he said quickly, looking genuinely embarrassed now. “it’s just something i do when i’m bored.”

“doesn’t matter,” she said with a shake of her head. “it’s still cool. and honestly, it makes so much sense now.”

“what does?”

“why you’re so good at reading people,” she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “music’s all about emotions, right? you must have a knack for it.”

he blinked at her, clearly caught off guard by her logic. “…that’s a stretch.”

“is it?” she asked, tilting her head as she looked at him again. “come on, admit it. you’re secretly a genius, aren’t you?”

he rolled his eyes, but there was a faint flush on his cheeks now, barely visible in the dimming light. “you’re really weird, you know that?”

“and you’re really deflecting,” she said, grinning as she nudged his arm with her shoulder.

silence. the field was quiet, as the pair finally exited through the rusty old gates.

“i’m not hiding it or anything,” he said after a long pause. “it’s just something i don’t really talk about. that’s all.”

she nodded, her smile softening into something more understanding. “i get it. but for the record, i think it's a great hobby. you don’t have to hide it around me.”

he glanced at her then, his expression unreadable for a moment before he let out a quiet chuckle.

the walk was simple. the quiet of the small town wrapping around them like a warm blanket. the golden-orange glow of streetlights lit up the pathway in patches, casting soft shadows as the two strolled side by side. the occasional passerby—an older man walking his dog or a young couple holding hands—added a gentle hum of life to the evening, but it was mostly just the two of them.

y/n kicked at a stray pebble on the sidewalk, the sound of it skittering ahead breaking the silence. she looked over at seungmin, who was walking with his hands in his pockets, his shoulders relaxed but his face unreadable.

“you walk like you have all the time in the world.”

he raised an eyebrow at her. “and you walk like you’re about to challenge someone to a race.”

“funny you should say that,” she grinned, already picking up her pace. “because i was just thinking—”

“y/n, no,” he said immediately, his tone flat but his eyes narrowing as if he already knew where this was going.

“oh, come on!” she laughed, already a few steps ahead of him now. she spun around to face him, walking backward as she pointed toward the distant outline of the bus stop up ahead. “race you to the bus stop. loser owes the winner a snack!”

“i’m not racing you,” he said, shaking his head.

“scared you’ll lose?” she taunted, her grin widening.

he let out a small sigh, running a hand through his hair. “considering i'm the least athletic, y-” he mumbled to himself.

“fine,” she said, throwing her hands up dramatically. “guess i’ll just win by default, then!”

with that, she turned and took off, her laughter trailing behind her as she sprinted toward the bus stop.

seungmin stood there for a second, watching her with an incredulous look before muttering under his breath, “unbelievable.” despite himself, he started jogging after her, his strides quickly closing the gap between them.

she reached the bus stop just a second before him, her chest heaving as she laughed and turned to face him. “looks like you owe me—”

“nothing,” he interrupted, standing just a few feet away, barely out of breath. “you cheated.”

“what?” she exclaimed, her hands flying to her hips. “how did i cheat?”

“you gave yourself a head start,”

“excuses, excuses,” she said, waving him off as she leaned against the bus stop pole. “a loss is a loss, seungmin.”

before he could reply, the bus pulled up, its headlights cutting through the dim light. the doors hissed open, and y/n wasted no time, darting inside with the same energy as before. “i call the window seat!” she called over her shoulder.

seungmin followed her at a more relaxed pace, shaking his head. “you’re a child,” he muttered as he climbed the steps.

“aren't we all?”

inside, the bus was mostly empty, save for a small group of middle schoolers sitting near the front. they were chatting animatedly, their voices a mix of excitement and laughter. she had already claimed her spot by the window, her bag plopped down on her lap as she looked out at the darkening sky.

“don’t just stand there,” she said, looking up at him with a teasing smile. “sit.”

he sighed, sliding into the seat beside her. “you’re really full of energy today.”

“always am,” she replied cheerfully, leaning her head against the window as the bus started moving.

the middle schoolers noticed them then, their curious eyes flicking toward the older pair. one of the boys leaned forward, his face lighting up as he addressed the girl. “are you guys dating?”

seungmin nearly choked on his own breath, his head snapping toward the kid in disbelief.

y/n, however, paused, then shaking her head and senses back. “we’re friends.”

“really?” the boy asked, tilting his head. “you look like you’re dating.”

“we’re not,” seungmin said firmly, though his voice lacked its usual sharpness.

another girl from the group leaned in, grinning. “but you’d make a cute couple!”

“i swear, all kids this age only talk about crushes and dating..” he mumbled silently.

“see?” she said, nudging him with her elbow. “even kids think we’re cute together.”

“don’t encourage them.”

she laughed again, turning back to the kids. “what about you guys? why are you out so late?”

“we had cram school,” one of them replied, his tone dramatic. “it’s the worst.”

y/n gasped in mock horror, clasping her hands together. “cram school? at your age? you poor things.”

the kids laughed, clearly enjoying her playful energy. “do you go to uni?” one of the girls asked.

“yup,” she said, nodding. “and i work part-time at the library, too. it’s fun, but uni is… a lot.”

“you work at a library?” the boy from earlier asked. “that’s so cool!”

“not as cool as you think,” she said with a wink. “but it has its moments.”

as the conversation continued, seungmin found himself watching her more than he intended to. the way her eyes lit up as she talked to the kids, the easy way she laughed and made them feel comfortable—it was… nice. she had this warmth about her, this effortless ability to make people smile.

he didn’t realize he was staring until one of the kids pointed at him. “what about you, mister? what do you do?”

“baseball,” he said simply, his gaze flicking away from her as he addressed the group.

“whoa, really? are you on a team?”

“not really an official one,” he said, his tone calm but polite. “but it's with my uni friends.”

“that’s so cool!” the kids chorused, their admiration genuine.

“looks like you’ve got some fans.”

he rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the faint smile that tugged at his lips. “you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“absolutely,”

as the bus continued down the quiet streets, the group fell into a comfortable rhythm, the kids’ chatter filling the space. and though seungmin wasn’t much of a talker, he found himself joining in, answering their questions and even cracking a joke or two.

she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, her smile softening as she watched him interact with the kids. for someone who claimed to be reserved, he had a way of connecting with people when he let his guard down.

by the time the bus reached their stop, the middle schoolers waved goodbye with big smiles, their energy still high.

“see you around!” one of them called as they hopped off.

“bye!” y/n had replied, waving back enthusiastically.

as the two of them stepped off the bus, the quiet of the town greeted them once more. she stretched her arms above her head, a content sigh escaping her lips. “come on,” she skipped quickly.

“so,” seungmin said, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and giving her a skeptical look. “where exactly are we going? you never actually said. are you sure you’re not kidnapping me?”

“if i were kidnapping you, wouldn’t i have tied you up and thrown you in the bus trunk or something?”

he tilted his head, pretending to think. “you’ve clearly never kidnapped anyone before. that’s not how it works.”

“oh, you’re an expert now?” she shot back, her grin widening as she glanced over her shoulder at him.

“i’ve watched enough movies to know you’re doing it wrong,” he deadpanned, his lips twitching upward.

“good to know.” she gave him a mock salute before skipping a little farther down the street. “come on! i know a great street food cart around here. you’re not afraid of trying new things, are you?”

he raised an eyebrow as he followed her. “i think i’ll survive. lead the way, sunshine.”

they stopped at a small street food cart nestled on a quiet corner, the warm smell of grilled meat and savory spices filling the air. a cheerful elderly vendor greeted them with a smile, his weathered hands busy flipping skewers on the grill. the small counter was lined with colorful condiments, sauces, and steaming bowls of rice.

“ah, young love!” the vendor teased as they approached. “out for a date, y/n?”

y/n's cheeks flushed, but she recovered quickly, laughing as she leaned her elbows on the counter. “not a date. just two people enjoying good food.”

“hmm, that’s what they all say,” the man said with a wink, handing her a menu.

seungmin sighed, shaking his head. “we’re not—”

“shh,” she interrupted, whispering, nudging him with her elbow. “let the man think what he wants. who knows, we might even get a discount.”

he gave her a look but didn’t argue, instead glancing at the menu she was holding. “what’s good here?”

“everything,” she said with a grin, handing it to him. “but if i had to pick, the japchae and chicken skewers are my favorites.”

he nodded, ordering exactly what she suggested while y/n added a few other things to their order. as they waited, she leaned back against the cart, looking up at the star-dotted sky.

“you’re not from around here, are you?” seungmin asked suddenly, his voice breaking the comfortable silence.

she shook her head, still gazing upward. “nope.. well not exactly. had to move here after elementary. my grandparents live here, though. i’ve been staying with them.”

“must be nice,” he said, his tone soft. “having family nearby.”

she smiled at that, turning to face him. “yeah. they’re great. super nosy, though. if they knew i was out with you right now, they’d probably be interrogating me over dinner later.”

“oh, so i’m a topic of conversation now?” he teased, one corner of his mouth quirking up.

“only because they’re obsessed with matchmaking,” she replied, rolling her eyes fondly. “they're caring, though. they just.. want me to be happy.”

he studied her for a moment, his gaze lingering on the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. “you seem happy.”

“i try to be,” she said simply, her voice quiet but steady, though there was an unfamiliar flicker in her eyes as she blinked it away. “life’s too short not to find little things to smile about, you know?”

before he could respond, the vendor handed them their food, and y/n immediately brightened, clapping her hands together. “perfect timing! let’s eat.”

they found a bench nearby, the soft glow of a lamppost casting a golden halo over their little spot. she handed him his share of the food before digging into her own, her face lighting up with every bite.

“this is so good,” she said around a mouthful of cold noodles, earning a laugh from seungmin.

“you’ve got sauce on your face,” he pointed out, gesturing to the corner of his own mouth.

“where?” she asked, swiping at her face with her sleeve.

“other side,” he said, leaning forward slightly. when she still missed it, he sighed, pulling a napkin from the bag and reaching over to wipe it off himself. “honestly, you’re worse than a kid.”

she froze for a second, her cheeks warming as his fingers brushed her skin. “thanks,” she mumbled, her voice softer than usual.

he pulled back quickly, clearing his throat as he sat up straighter. “you’re welcome.”

they ate in comfortable silence for a while, the sounds of the town around them—distant conversations, the hum of passing cars—filling the gaps. every now and then, seungmin would glance at her out of the corner of his eye, watching the way her face lit up as she talked about her favorite foods or how she waved enthusiastically at strangers passing by.

“you’re really… outgoing,” he said finally, his tone thoughtful.

“is that a bad thing?”

“no,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “it’s just.. different. in a good way.”

her smile softened, and she looked down at her hands. “thanks. i think?”

he shrugged, taking another bite of his food. “don’t let it go to your head.”

she laughed, the sound light and musical, and he found himself smiling despite himself. for someone so different from him, she was surprisingly easy to be around.

she leaned back on the bench, her chopsticks idly stirring the remaining japchae sauce in her container. her eyes sparkled with curiosity as she turned toward seungmin, who was quietly munching on a chicken skewer.

“so,” she began, her tone playful yet pointed. “you said you did play the guitar right?”

he paused mid-bite, his brows furrowing slightly as he glanced at her. “why does it sound like an interrogation?”

“because it is,” she replied, grinning. “i mean, you didn’t mention it until i asked you. oh and what’s the deal with the music sheets under your backpack the other day? planning to start a band or something?”

he huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “hardly. i’m just.. messing around. nothing serious.”

“messing around?” she echoed, her head tilting slightly as she scrutinized him. “come on, min. you don’t just carry music sheets around for no reason. what are you working on?”

he shifted uncomfortably, avoiding her gaze by focusing on the skewer in his hand. “i’m not working on anything. i just play a little when i have time. that’s all.”

she squinted at him, clearly unconvinced. “you’re being suspiciously vague.”

“maybe because there’s nothing more to say,” he countered, raising an eyebrow at her.

“oh, there’s definitely more to say,” she retorted, leaning closer as if trying to read his expression better. “do you write songs? or are you just playing covers? be honest—are you secretly a rockstar?”

he rolled his eyes, but there was a faint smile tugging at his lips. “definitely not a rockstar. and no, i’m not writing songs. i barely know enough to play properly as it is.”

“barely know enough?” she repeated, her tone skeptical. “you strike me as the type who’d quietly get really good at something and then pretend you’re just ‘okay’ at it.”

he let out a short laugh, shaking his head. “i’m really not that good. i’m just learning the basics. chords, strumming patterns, that kind of stuff.”

“that’s still cool,” she said earnestly, her face softening. “everyone starts somewhere. are you teaching yourself?”

“yeah,” he admitted, his voice quieter now. “i found an old guitar in the storage room at home and thought i’d give it a try. it’s.. relaxing.”

she smiled at that, leaning back against the bench. “music is good for that. it’s like.. this little world you can escape to, you know?”

“music is.. kind of magic, don’t you think?” she said, her voice tinged with awe. “like, it’s not just sounds. it’s emotion. it’s stories. it’s—” she paused, searching for the right word, “—connection. you can listen to a song in a language you don’t even understand, and still feel it. isn’t that amazing? like, how can a few notes and some words make you feel like that?”

she tilted her head back, staring up at the sky as she continued, her voice softening but growing no less passionate. “and it’s not just the big, dramatic moments, either. it’s the little ones, like how a single chord can make your chest ache, or how a melody can take you back to a memory you thought you’d forgotten. it’s so… alive. like it has this way of pulling you in, making you feel something you didn’t even know you were missing.”

he had just been listening, watching her as she spoke, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“and it’s so personal,” she said, her voice quieter now. “everyone has their own song, you know? something that feels like it’s just for them, like it knows them in a way no one else does. that’s what i love about it. music isn’t just one thing. it’s so many things, all at once. it’s chaos and comfort and beauty and sadness. it’s… everything.”

she exhaled, a small, almost sheepish smile crossing her face as she looked at him. “sorry, i’m rambling. i just—when i think about it, i can’t help it. it’s like… music’s the closest thing we have to magic.”

he glanced at her, surprised by how sincere she sounded. it was quiet for a moment, until he spoke. “do you?”

“hm?” that had gotten her attention, though the air felt slightly thicker now.

“i mean, you said earlier that you can't multitask. despite how hard i find it to believe- what i meant to ask was if you sang.. or tried playing after that or not.”

the girl only shifted her gaze and paused for a bit, exhaling as she smiled briefly again, “i did, try to play the guitar, in middle school. but i just kinda gave up after that,” she chuckled awkwardly. “and as for singing? i just hum here and there, but nothing professional or serious.”

“the way you talk about it says otherwise.”

“how do i talk about it?”

he tilted his head, studying her with an intensity that made her shift slightly in her seat. then, he smiled, soft and a little disbelieving, as if he couldn’t quite figure her out.

“you talk about it like it’s your whole world,” he started, his voice quieter, almost reflective. “like, when you mentioned music, your tone changed. it’s.. different. it’s not just words with you — it’s like your entire energy shifts. you sound so.. alive. like you’re describing something that’s a part of you, something you feel in your bones.”

he paused, glancing down at his hands as if he were trying to piece the rest together. “it’s in the way you look when you talk about it, too. you get this light in your eyes, like you’re remembering something important. like you’re somewhere else entirely—like music isn’t just something you like. it’s something you need. like it’s this space where nothing else matters, you know? like it’s a place that’s just yours.”

she blinked, caught off guard by the weight of his words. he ran a hand through his hair, clearing his throat as though realizing how much he’d said. but then, as if he couldn’t help himself, he continued, his gaze locking onto hers again.

his words hung in the air, heavy and quiet, as if they were something fragile. “am i wrong?” he asked finally, though he didn’t sound entirely convinced that he could be.

“for a baseball guy you're quite the poet.”

“that's not an answer.”

“i didn't mean to answer.”

“well?”

“well what?”

“am i?”

“you're not wrong. but music is just something.. i adore. like everyone else! that's all that there is to it.” she pursed her lips, getting up with the wooden bowl that was once full of japchae, to walk to the stall again and hand it to the man with a smile. seungmin followed shortly after, feeling slightly curious but he shook it off.

“seungmin!” she called out. “come on!”

then they were on the street again. she walked slightly ahead, her steps light and playful, occasionally skipping over cracks in the sidewalk. seungmin followed at a slower, more measured pace, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket.

“so,” she said, turning her head slightly to glance at him with a bright smile. “since we’re walking and have time, i think we should play twenty questions.”

he raised an eyebrow. “that’s a dangerous game.”

“not if you answer honestly,” she replied with a shrug, her grin widening. “come on, it’ll be fun. i’ll start. what’s your favorite color?”

he paused, thinking. “blue, i guess.”

“safe choice,” she teased. “very original.”

he rolled his eyes. “alright, my turn. why are you always so upbeat?”

“hey, that’s not a yes-or-no question!” she protested, narrowing her eyes playfully.

“neither is ‘what’s your favorite color,’” he pointed out, smirking.

she huffed, crossing her arms as she walked. “fine. i guess i’m just naturally optimistic? or maybe i just don’t see the point in being gloomy all the time. life’s too short to be grumpy.”

“are you calling me grumpy?” he asked, his tone mock-offended.

“well, you are kind of the poster child for ‘brooding baseball guy,’” she quipped, flashing him a cheeky smile.

he let out a short laugh. “i’m not brooding.”

“sure you’re not,” she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “alright, your turn again.”

he glanced at her, his curiosity piqued. “what made you want to work at the library?”

she tilted her head, thinking. “well, i’ve always loved books. and libraries are… peaceful, you know? there’s something magical about being surrounded by so many stories. plus, it’s a good excuse to read a lot while getting paid for it.”

“that makes sense,” he said, nodding. “what’s your favorite book, then?”

“oh, that’s impossible to answer!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up dramatically. “there are too many. but if i had to pick.. maybe white nights. classic, romantic, sad. it’s got everything.”

“romantic, hm?” he teased, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

she shot him a look. “don’t make fun of me! it’s a great book.”

“i’m not making fun,” he said, raising his hands in mock surrender. “i just didn’t take you for a romantic. or someone who liked reading sad love stories.”

“well you'll be surprised,” she said. “i like reading everything. it's art. whether sad, or happy, or anything else.”

he noticed the shift in her tone and decided not to press further. instead, he changed the subject. “alright, my turn again. what’s something most people don’t know about you?”

she thought for a moment, a mischievous glint returning to her eyes. “i have a terrible sense of direction. like, really bad. if i didn’t have my phone, i’d probably get lost on my way home.”

he snorted. “good to know. i’ll make sure to never follow you if we’re lost.”

“rude,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him. “my turn. same question. what’s something most people don’t know about you?”

he hesitated, his gaze dropping to the ground. “well, most people don’t know that i’ve always wanted a pet, like a dog. a big one. like, a golden retriever or something.” he chuckled softly at the thought. “my friends say i resemble a dog. but can't put up with one. i guess it’s kind of random, but i don’t know. i’ve always imagined having a dog, like, after i’m out of school, you know? just someone to come home to, someone who’s always excited to see me.”

he paused, a small, almost wistful smile tugging at his lips. “but i never really had the chance to get one, with school and everything. plus, i’m always busy with baseball or music, and i feel like i’d end up neglecting it. so… it’s one of those things that kind of stayed on the back burner.”

she had been watching him intently, her gaze fixed on him for a moment longer than usual. he didn’t seem to notice, too caught up in his own thoughts.

“hmm,” she said, breaking the silence with a light laugh. “you’d be a good pup owner, i think. you seem like the type.”

he raised an eyebrow at her, the mischievous grin returning. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

she just shrugged, her lips curling into a smile. “nothing, just.. you’ve got this calm about you. i don’t know. you’d probably spoil it.”

his grin widened, but he didn’t reply right away. instead, he sat back and looked up at the sky, clearly lost in his own thoughts for a moment.

“i see it though.”

he raises an eyebrow.

“the resemblance of you, physically, and in another way, to a dog.” she spoke, her gaze tracing his features. “you might seem mysterious to a stranger, and me, sadly, but i get a feeling you're really happy and playful around people you're close with.”

“and as for physically, when you walk like this, your hair jumps and it actually looks like puppy ears. overall your face, especially with that wide smile that you try to avoid in front of me,” she laughed, “makes you seem more like a dog. playful. familiar. friendly.. and comforting.”

he stared at her, stunned into silence for a moment. her words had caught him completely off guard, and he wasn’t sure how to respond. finally, he let out a laugh—soft, genuine, and a little disbelieving.

“well, that’s… definitely not what i expected to hear today,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, a faint flush creeping up his cheeks. “i don’t know if i should be offended or flattered.”

“flattered,” she replied without missing a beat, a playful glint in her eyes. “dogs are great!”

“i can’t believe you just compared me to a dog. you’re really out here calling me mysterious and playful in the same sentence.”

“it’s true, though,” she insisted, crossing her arms with a smug grin. “i’m pretty good at reading people.”

“clearly,” he said, his tone teasing, though there was a warmth in his gaze as he looked at her. then, after a pause, he added, “you know, no one’s ever said anything like that about me before. it’s.. weirdly nice to hear.”

she tilted her head, her smile softening. “you’re welcome.”

he chuckled again, shaking his head. “alright, since you’re so good at reading people, what does that make you?”

her eyes lit up at the challenge, but she hesitated for a moment, her expression growing thoughtful. “hmm.. i guess you’ll just have to figure that out for yourself,” she said with a sly smile, leaving him to wonder as she walked further and quicker, the conversation still lingering between them.

they walked in comfortable silence for a moment, the sound of their footsteps echoing softly. the quiet of the town felt almost intimate, like they were the only two people in the world.

“where are we going?” he finally asked, watching as she spun around to face him briefly, walking backward with an impish grin.

“you’ll see,” she replied, her voice sing-song. “it’s a surprise.”

“i don’t like surprises,” he muttered, though there was no real bite to his words.

“well, you’ll like this one,” she countered, skipping ahead. “trust me.”

the library loomed ahead, its lights dimmed, the glass doors reflecting the moonlight. seungmin frowned. “wait. isn’t the library closed?”

“of course, it is,” she said casually, fishing a key out of her pocket. “but i work here, remember?”

“that doesn’t sound very legal, miss librarian.”

she laughed softly, “relax, mr. rule follower. felix closed up about half an hour ago, and i have permission to be here after hours. perks of the job.”

“okay,” she said, breaking the silence. “last question before we get there. what’s your happiest memory?”

he looked at her, caught off guard by the question. “happiest memory? that’s a tough one.”

“well, think about it,” she urged, her voice soft but insistent. “it doesn’t have to be big. just something that made you really happy.”

he thought for a moment, his gaze distant. “probably my first baseball game as a kid. my dad and grandpa took me. i remember the crowd, the excitement, the smell of popcorn. it was perfect.”

she smiled warmly. “that sounds amazing. thanks for sharing.”

he glanced at her, his expression unreadable. “what about you? what’s your happiest memory?”

she paused, her steps slowing. “probably… baking cookies with my mom when i was little. she’d let me lick the spoon, and we’d make such a mess, but it was always so much fun.”

her voice had taken on a wistful tone, and he found himself studying her face, the way her eyes softened with the memory.

“you’re really close to your mom, huh?” he asked gently.

“yeah,” she said softly, her smile bittersweet, as she didn't say more.

before he could say anything else, she stopped abruptly and turned to him with a grin. “we’re here.”

he looked up, realizing they had arrived at the library. the sight of it felt almost surreal in the quiet of the night.

“come on,” she said, pulling out her key and unlocking the door. “i’ve got something to show you.”

he followed her inside, the familiar scent of books and polished wood enveloping them. the quiet was even deeper now, the kind of silence that felt sacred. she flipped on a small desk lamp near the entrance, its warm glow casting long shadows across the shelves.

“you said you write and like literature, right? so what made you start writing in the first place?” seungmin asks her.

she paused mid-step as they walked through the library aisle, the soft glow of her phone flashlight illuminating the dust particles that floated lazily in the air. she turned her head to glance at seungmin, her expression thoughtful, as if the question had unlocked a memory she hadn’t revisited in a while.

“wow,” she said, breaking into a small smile, “that’s a deep question. you’re really pulling out the big guns tonight.”

seungmin leaned casually against the nearest bookshelf, crossing his arms with a faint smirk. “what can i say? i’m curious. you seem like the type who’d have a good story behind it.”

“flattery will get you nowhere,” she teased, sticking her tongue out at him. but then her expression softened as she considered his question more seriously. “i guess… it all started when i was little. mum loved stories. she’d always read to me before bed—fairy tales, myths, even poems sometimes. and she’d make up her own stories too, ones that no one else could tell like she did.”

seungmin nodded, his gaze steady on her as she spoke. he didn’t interrupt, sensing there was more to this than just bedtime stories.

“she had this way of making the ordinary feel magical,” she continued, her voice quieter now, as if she were speaking more to herself than to him. “when i was about seven, i remember her telling me that everyone has a story worth sharing. that stuck with me. writing became my way of… i don’t know, capturing moments, feelings, the things i was afraid i’d forget.”

there was a brief silence, the kind that felt heavy but not uncomfortable. seungmin tilted his head slightly, his voice softer than usual. “and you still feel that way. that everyone has a story.”

she turned to him fully, her lips curving into a small, sincere smile. “yeah, i do. even if someone thinks their life is boring or unimportant, there’s always something unique about how they see the world. i think that’s worth writing down.”

his expression shifted slightly, his usual neutral demeanor replaced with something warmer, more introspective. “that’s… a nice way to look at it.”

she chuckled lightly, breaking the intensity of the moment. “you sound surprised.”

“i’m not,” he said, shrugging one shoulder. “it just makes sense. it sounds like you.”

she blinked, taken aback for a second, before a faint flush crept up her cheeks. “well, thanks, i guess. so, mr. musician slash baseball guy, your turn. what made you pick up the guitar?” she said, still walking around the dark library, slowly, as he followed behind.

seungmin shifted his weight, suddenly looking a little sheepish. “honestly? i think it started because i wanted to impress someone.”

she raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued. “oh? do tell.”

he let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “it’s not that exciting. back in middle school, i had this.. huge crush on someone. she played piano, and i thought maybe if i learned guitar, we could do some duet thing.”

she burst into laughter, the sound light and infectious. “that’s so cute! did it work?”

“not at all,” he admitted, his own laugh mingling with hers. “i was terrible back then. and she moved schools before i even got the courage to play in front of her.”

she grinned at him, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “well, at least you stuck with it. now you’re here, a brooding baseball player with a secret musical side. very intriguing.”

“brooding again?” he teased, narrowing his eyes at her playfully.

“hey, it’s your aesthetic,” she said with a mock-serious shrug. “don’t fight it.”

they both laughed, the sound echoing softly through the quiet library. after a moment, she nudged his arm. “but seriously, i think it’s cool that you play. even if you started for, uh, questionable reasons.”

“questionable?” he repeated, pretending to be offended.

“okay, fine, romantic reasons,” she corrected, grinning. “but you must’ve kept playing for more than just that, right?”

he hesitated, looking down at the worn wooden floor beneath them. “yeah. after a while, it stopped being about anyone else. i started to enjoy it for what it was. there’s something calming about it, you know? like it’s just you and the music.”

her smile softened, her voice gentle. “i get that. music has a way of making everything else disappear, even if it’s just for a little while.”

her back and his chest collided suddenly, when she paused her footsteps to look around. their eyes met briefly, and for a moment, the space between them felt charged with an unspoken understanding. then she cleared her throat, breaking the moment with a grin. “alright, enough with the deep talk. we’re here.”

she gestured to a row of shelves, her excitement bubbling up again. seungmin watched as she reached up, pulling down a few old, dusty books and placing them on a nearby table, after turning the lights on.

“these,” she said, running her fingers over the faded covers, “belonged to my mom. she loved music almost as much as she loved literature.”

he approached the table, his curiosity evident as he looked at the books. “why are you showing me this?”

“because,” she said, her tone soft but earnest, “you’re still learning, right? these might help. and i don’t know, it just felt right to share them with you.”

seungmin glanced at her, a flicker of something unreadable crossing his face. “bold of you to assume i'm gonna take something that belongs to someone who has more passion for music than i do.”

“bold of you to assume i'm letting you leave without it.”

she smiled, softly. “these books, seungmin, helped her a lot. now, it's no use to her because she's learnt all from them. so, giving this to you seems as the best option, especially when compared to letting them catch dust in these shelves.”

seungmin picked up one of the books, flipping through the yellowed pages. the notes in the margins and the slight creases on the edges gave it a sense of history. he hesitated, then glanced back at her. “you know, you make it sound like this is some kind of inheritance or something. like i’m supposed to treat this like a family heirloom.”

she chuckled lightly. “well, maybe it is, in a way. but if anyone’s going to appreciate it, i figured it’d be you.”

he tilted his head, giving her a curious look. “why me? there are probably a hundred other people who’d jump at the chance to take something like this. people who might actually deserve it.”

her gaze softened as she met his eyes. “because you care,” she said simply. “even if you try to hide it, i can see it. music means something to you. and i think that’s enough of a reason.”

he looked at her for a moment, the words sinking in. then, with a small smirk, he set the book back on the table. “you’re really good at guilt-tripping, you know that?”

“it’s not guilt-tripping!” she said, crossing her arms with a playful smile. “it’s… persuasion.”

seungmin let out a breath, shaking his head in amusement. “fine. but only if you let me return them when i’m done. deal?”

“deal,” she said, her smile widening. “but i don’t think you’ll want to give them back. just saying.”

he laughed, picking up the book again and tucking it under his arm. “you really don’t let people argue with you, do you?”

“not when i know i’m right,” she quipped, earning a small shake of his head and a smile as he started for the door.

“hey,” he softly reached out, “thank you.”

she turned to him, her grin returning. “you’re welcome. but you owe me now.”

he chuckled softly, shaking his head. “what do i owe you?”

“hmmm,” she pretended to think. “how about.. a song? once you learn something new from these books, you have to play it for me.”

his lips quirked up in a small, reluctant smile. “deal.”

seungmin carried the stack of books they’d borrowed from the library, his expression as neutral as ever, but there was an unmistakable warmth to his presence. she walked beside him, hands shoved into the pockets of her jacket, her usual smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“thanks for helping me with the books,” she said, glancing sideways at him.

“no problem,” he replied casually. then, after a beat, he smirked. “i mean, it’s only fair since you’re sharing your mom’s secret stash with me.”

she chuckled, bumping her shoulder lightly against his. “it’s not really a ‘secret stash.’ it’s just stuff that mattered to her. stuff that matters to me.”

he looked at her, his gaze softer now. “that’s what makes it important.”

her steps faltered slightly, caught off guard by the sincerity in his voice. she recovered quickly, brushing it off with a small laugh. “look at you, mr. philosophical. spending time with me is really rubbing off on you, huh?”

“i think i deserve some credit,” he teased. “i was already pretty deep before.”

“sure,” she said with exaggerated skepticism. “if by ‘deep,’ you mean good at dodging questions about yourself.”

“i answer questions,” he defended, raising an eyebrow at her.

“uh-huh,” she shot back, grinning. “vague answers don’t count.”

their banter was interrupted by the sound of excited chatter. up ahead, near an open lot, a group of kids and a few elderly folks were gathered, their laughter mingling with the occasional crackle of fireworks. sparklers lit up the night, little bursts of light spinning in the hands of children as they ran around, their faces glowing with pure joy.

she slowed her pace, her eyes lighting up as she took in the scene. “oh, that looks so fun.”

“really?” seungmin asked, raising an eyebrow as he followed her gaze. “it’s just sparklers.”

“just sparklers?” she echoed, feigning offense. “excuse me, but sparklers are the most magical thing ever. you clearly don’t understand their charm.”

before he could respond, one of the kids noticed them and waved enthusiastically. “noona! hyung! do you want to play with us?”

her face broke into a wide grin. “of course! seungmin, come on!”

he hesitated, looking a little awkward. “i don’t think—”

“don’t think, just come,” she interrupted, grabbing his wrist and pulling him toward the group. he stumbled slightly but didn’t resist, letting her drag him along.

the kids and elders greeted them warmly, handing them sparklers and showing them where to place their books and bags safely away from the fireworks. y/n immediately lit her sparkler, holding it up and twirling it around with a delighted laugh.

“see?” she said, looking over at seungmin. “magic.”

he couldn’t help but smile at her, even as he reluctantly lit his own sparkler. “if you say so.”

“come on, you have to at least try to have fun,” she teased, stepping closer to him. “look, like this.” she moved her arm in a sweeping motion, drawing a glowing pattern in the air with her sparkler. “isn’t it pretty?”

he watched her, his sparkler momentarily forgotten in his hand. the orange-golden light reflected in her eyes, her face alight with joy. she looked so completely in her element, like the world around her had faded away, and she was just… glowing.

“you’re staring,” one of the elders said suddenly, catching him off guard. his tone was teasing, and his cheeks flushed as he was caught.

“a-ah sorry. i wasn’t,” he lied, quickly focusing on his sparkler. “i was just lost.. in thought!”

“you seem to have feelings for her, don't you?” the ahjussi asked.

“we're just friends.”

“that's what they all say, kid,” the ahjussi laughed, “and that's what i said when i met her, too.” he pointed towards a lady of the same age as him. “she was, is, and always will be everything to me.”

seungmin only glanced between them, gaze softening, and the moment being interrupted by y/n's voice.

“seungmin!” she called, giggling with the kids, “look! we fused all the colors of all the sparklers together and it made a rainbow!”

seungmin could only stare at her with a smile.

“good luck, kid.”

one of the kids ran up to them, holding out a small box of colorful sparklers. “noona, hyung! these ones make a big circle when you spin them really fast!”

y/n took one eagerly, thanking the child before lighting it and spinning it around. she let out a delighted laugh as it created a bright, shimmering circle in the air. “seungmin, try it!”

he took one reluctantly, lighting it and attempting the same motion. his first try was clumsy, earning a giggle from her.

“okay, that was terrible,” she said, stepping closer. “here, let me show you.”

before he could protest, she reached out, her hand brushing against his as she guided his arm. “like this,” she said, her voice softer now. the proximity between them suddenly felt charged, the air around them growing quieter despite the noise of the sparklers and laughter.

he followed her lead, their hands moving together in a smooth arc. the sparkler drew a perfect circle in the air, its light casting a warm glow over their faces.

“there,” she said, her smile bright and triumphant. “much better.”

“thanks to you,” he said, his voice quieter than usual.

their eyes met for a moment, the sparkler’s glow reflecting in both their gazes. it was one of those moments where time seemed to slow, the world around them fading into the background.

then, one of the kids yelled, “noona, hyung! look at this!” breaking the spell. she stepped back, laughing nervously as she turned to watch the child show off their new sparkler trick.

seungmin exhaled softly, a small smile tugging at his lips as he watched her. even in the chaos of sparklers and children’s laughter, she was like a beacon of light, drawing everyone—and him—toward her.

as the night wore on, they stayed with the group, laughing, playing, and creating memories under the starry sky. and though neither of them said it out loud, they both knew this evening would stay with them for a long, long time.

and maybe, just maybe, something shifted in the quiet corners of both their hearts that night.

taglists ୨୧ (mt) @cosmicalily @hyunjiiza @woozarts (st) @vixensss @miyeonna

!! please let me know under this chapter post, or this one, if i forgot you in the taglist, my inactivity made me lose track, i'm really sorry !!

[supergraphicgirl81]

With A Little Help From My Friends ⋆⁺₊❅.

Alexandra Saint Mleux ˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊

Formula 1 college hockey team social media AU! Instagram Edition

The tight-knit college hockey team, the Silver Blades, run by team captain Max Verstappen, isn't just about scoring goals—it's a chosen family. On and off the ice, the team has each other's backs, whether that's through college assignments, throwing awesome parties, or winning the championship together. Follow these overworked, tired, college students as they post through their day-to-day life.

Translations → Small text, Italics

With A Little Help From My Friends Masterlist ݁𝜗𝜚. Alexandra Saint Mleux Masterlist ݁𝜗𝜚.

AlexandraSaint

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AlexandraSaint long time coming

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ItsYourname YASSSSS MS TAYLOR SWIFT REFERENCE (liked by AlexandraSaint)

RandomHater God dumb swifities and making everything about her. 🙄

ItsYourname watch where u sleep 👁👁 (liked by AlexandraSaint)

Classmate/Hallmate ALEX!!! DYING TO SEE THE COLLECTION COME OVER ASAP (liked by AlexandraSaint)

DanielRicciardo Sick stuff mate, got your own business yet? If there are men's items I'm def willing to buy

AlexandraSaint merci! nothing for public sale yet, but i was looking to start my first male collection for the magazine I run if you want to help me with ideas!!!!!

DanielRicciardo ALEX PLEASE 😭😭😭😭 (liked by AlexandraSaint)

LewHamilton Wow Alex, clothes are really looking beautiful, cant wait for the pieces on them in the Mag (liked by AlexandraSaint)

AlexandraSaint merci lewis 🫶🫶🫶

CharLeclerc Beautiful as ever mon amour, can't wait for everyone else to see it (liked by AlexandraSaint) my love

ItsYourname oh he just HADD to announce that hes seen it, GET A GRIP CHARLES (liked by AlexandraSaint)

CharLeclerc You are my worse enemy

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AlexandraSaint date with cha ᡣ𐭩

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LandoNorris4 oo la la! *batting my eyes* (liked by AlexandraSaint)

AlexandraSaint tu es putain de stupide you are fucking stupid

DanielRicciardo Cha cha real smooth

RandomFan UGHHHHHH JUST KILLLL MEEEEEE WHY DOES HE GET HER????? (liked by ItsYourname)

ItsYourname oh!

ItsYourname so he's the reason i was drinking coffee by myself this morning, hm

ChaLeclerc Not my fault she likes me more

AlexandraSaint Charles do not start this with her again, you know she always ends up winning and you get your feelings hurts (liked by ItsYourname)

ChaLeclerc She is mean!

LilyMuniHe 😑😑😑😑😑 are those my shoes

AlexandraSaint LILYYYYYYY literally just for the day!!!!! (liked by LilyMuniHe)

AlexandraSaint THANK U! luv u!! (liked by LilyMuniHe)

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AlexandraSaint 📷 @ItsYourname

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CharLeclerc Oh my godf (liked by AlexandraSaint)

CharLeclerc Oh mon dieu comment (liked by AlexandraSaint) Oh my god how

CharLeclerc Alex please I need to breathe today (liked by AlexandraSaint)

CharLeclerc tu es parfait, tu es à moi, tu es tout, tes yeux, tes lèvres, tes cheveux, tu es parfait dans tous les sens imaginables un jour je vais t'épouser et nous passerons le reste de notre vie ensemble (liked by AlexandraSaint) you are perfect, you are mine, you are everything, your eyes, your lips, your hair, you are perfect in every way imaginable one day I will marry you and we will spend the rest of our lives together

Franco43Colapinto holy yap! 😭🙏

LandoNorris4 brother in christ CALM DOWN

OscarJP I think you've broken charles (liked by AlexandraSaint)

AlexandraSaint sorry son

OscarJP Please by all god 🙏 Do not call me that

CharLeclerc Oscar Jack Piastri do NOT speak to your mother like that (liked by AlexandraSaint and ItsYourname)

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AlexandraSaint oscar! quitte nos affaires!!!!! leave our business

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AlexandraSaint crazzzy day out

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Franco43Colapinto i noticed one franco was not invited to the hangout? Since when did it get cool to uninvited the cool people estoy muy confundido y curioso?

AlexandraSaint franco we literally asked you to go but you said and i quote "this is the worse hangover i will ever have, i cannot cope and will never drink again, please go on without me"

Franco43Colapinto i didn't actually mean go 🙄

AlexandraSaint no seas tan estúpido tengo algo de sopa para ti 🙄 don't be so stupid I have some soup for you

LandoNorris4 i think in another life i was meant to be your guys fourth roomate

LandoNorris4 like yeah wresting time and video game marathon nights with the boys are fun but my true potential was to be sipping a warm chai with my girls gossiping

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Albono Nono I know exactly what he means (liked by AlexandraSaint)

CharLeclerc 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

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AlexandraSaint i think leo took it again?

RandomFan One strand of her hair, and I'm copying her whole life

RandomOtherFan PUH-LEASE you could never do it like her (liked by AlexandraSaint)

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[madrone33]

I have been CHILLING this week post-Vengeance saga release! I managed to avoid debilitating stress and anxiety from the onslaught of fan stuff by simply avoiding all social media for the first two days, so it's been good!

However, I am now BACK, dumping my immediate reaction of the saga from a week ago. I thought I was ready. I was not ready. 600 Strike blew my mind. I was left staring blankly at my ceiling. Jorge please rest sometime, I'm begging you. The amount of talent beaming through my screen is exhausting even me.

Also, to every cast member and collaborator and behind the scenes person: y'all are amazing. Like seriously. I hope you all get a yummy drink and a cozy blanket and just. Bask in the satisfaction of a job well done. Hats off to y'all fr.

Anyways! I keysmashed the following at around midnight, 14 hours before the livestream ('cause australia is the superior timezone /j). Be warned there's LOTS of swearing 'cause sleep deprivation + incoherent excitement lol

AHHH IT'S GO TIME

Ok it's starting the same as the Goodspeed festival showed. Tho, the first lead in sound thing reminds me of Lucids.

Gorgeous vocals. Hate Calypso, love Wangui fr

"Let me speak!" She really doesn't care about his feelings huh. I noticed in LIP as well, she always makes it about her, which is absolutely in character.

Those ensemble harmonies tho!!

"... You do?" Girl you literally told him to lie smh

"Why in the world won't you love me too?" 'Cause he has a WIFE

IT'S HERMES TIME

FSA melody? YO??

"Cause I had one goal in mind..." the silence where the crew's chorus would come in is PAINFUL

BAG?? HERMES!!

"Hello old friend!" Grinning so hard rn

"Well it's a little bit ✨dangerous✨" AHHH IT'S HAPPENING

Fingertapping and headbopping to this chorus

"Put your whole braiin in it!" I love how he says that sm

"And lastly the wind bag" NEW STUFF

WINIONS

Wow ok I did not expect the wind bag to show up again. Tho it makes sense; this is probs the storm that Ody told Sirenelope kept blocking the way home

ODY SINGING THE CHORUS!!!!

RUTHLESSNESS MENTION

"Hermes! Thank you" AHHH THE CALLBACK! He sounds so tired and like down to his bones grateful this time 🥺

"I'm not the one who fought for you!" MY EYES WIDENED SO FAR. WE ALMOST GOT AN ATHENA NAMEDROP. I'll settle for the reference to her

Okeee. Charybdis!!

Oooh it's just like in the reference vid. No lyrics for this start part!

The 5/4 is amazing. And the electric guitar!!

God this song is SO BADASS

LETS GOOOO ODY!!!

ahhh I KNEW there'd be some sort of soft KYFC esque "I can't wait to make some new memories" type verse AND I WAS RIGHT

he sees ithaca!! Oh god poseidon's gonna show up isn't he

my heart's beating so fast i'm scared

PENELOPEEE

the ELECTRONIC DISTORTION OH NO IT'S HIM

RIGHT INTO GET IN THE WATER AHHH

"Coward" AHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE FINALY HEARING THIS FOR REAL

"That's when our paths collide!" THE RASP

"Now get in the water" Oh shiiiit here we go

the choir is so eerie

"GET IN THE WATER" THE GROWL

"aren't you tired poseidon" ooh it's this part!!

ha he changed it to ten years instead of eight like the demo had XD

"maybe you can learn to forgive" the line from that one snippet!

"No" oop

"DIE" DAMN that deep echo!!

*underwater sounds* oh shit ody's fucking dying

NO! FUCKING POLITES

EURY

ANTICLEA

FUCK YOU JORGE

THE CREW

WAITING??? EXCUSE ME WTF

AHHHHHH WHY TF DOES JAY LOVE HURTING US SO

HUH? HUH??? WHAT WAS THAT! AND THERE'S A FUCKING AD. Probs good, I need the break but WAHT. I KNEW he'd do another fucking polites reference gods damnit jorge WHEN I CATCH YOU

Ok time to hear 600 strike. Holy shit we're here

ELECTRIC GUITAR LETS GOOO

Aeolus theme. IS HE GONNA OPEN THE WIND BAG AGAIN??

600 MEN MOTIF HOLY SHIT

ANIME SCREAM

HOly shit there's magic sounds happening. I'm really curious about whatever Jorge's cooking up for the animatic in the livestream, 'cause I have no clue what's happening rn 👀

"For every comrade!" FSA melody!

"all those _ who were slaughtered by your hand" hmm I can't quite hear what he's saying there?

wait wait wait he's ACTUALLY using the power of his 600 men!!

"You idiot" damn lol

DIFFERENT BEAST ODY HOLY SHIT

is that a blade sound effect?

WAIT DID HE JUST STAB HIM WITH HIS OWN TRIDENT

HOLY SHIT ODY

HOLY FUCK

POP OFF ODY

OMG "MONSTER" AND THEN "RUTHLESSNESS"

BRO HE'S BEGGING??

*trident drops* hot damn ody

"Next to my wife." OHHHHHHH MIC DROP

Holy FUCK that was crazy

I'm gonna listen to it again.

Ok but holy shit Odysseus literally just tortured a god until he gave in?? Daym ody

Tho I like how he tries using open arms first, and then ruthlessness. He's kinda found a balance? I say kinda, 'cause he went hard on the ruthlessness, but since he sincerely tried to ask Poseidon to just drop the whole thing already, his later actions in 600 Strike feel more warranted.

I honestly don't know how Jorge keeps doing it. He just keeps topping himself! Like! Thunder Bringer? And then God Games?? And now Six Hundred Strike??? They just keep getting better! Banger after banger, like!! How.

Wait I just wanna. Sit with it. Imma lie down and stare at the ceiling for a bit, aight?

... I am shooketh.

But BRO THAT WAS INSANE! ODY FUCKED HIM UPPP

AMAZING BRAVO EXTRODINARY INCREDIBLE SHOWSTOPPING GORGEOUS WONDERFUL HOW DARE YOU

[redladydeath]

re: your vox mindbreak au, it's such a fascinating scenario with so many avenues of interest.

does vox definitively become one of alastor's thralls. you know, just like nifty is even though we're not sure her soul is alastor.

what sort of conflicts of interests would occur if he's still — if not commercially then emotionally, to them — part of the vees?

would alastor drag him to the hotel, making him a reluctant staff member, even though it fails to capture his interest? what surprising dynamics would crop up?

and if it occurs during/post-canon, and the hotel ensemble knew who vox used to be, would this irrevocably change his relationship with the cast who do not know alastor's cruelty? does vox have dysphoria when he remembers his head isn't a CRT, and then forgets, and then remembers, and then forgets, and then—? please reply asap im going insane.

Oh gosh, thank you. It's really flattering when people show interest in my weird little ideas.

does vox definitively become one of alastor's thralls

Not definitely. I have two avenues for this AU: One where the mindbreak happens in the 1960s, when Alastor and Vox have their first big fight, and one where it happens in the modern day, when Vox is part of the Vees. In the 60s route, he's one of Al's thralls; in the modern route, Alastor vanishes (possibly for seven years) immediately after breaking him and Val and Velvette are left to deal with the aftermath.

what sort of conflicts of interests would occur if he's still part of the vees?

Oh God, the subconscious yearning. Vox can't remember why he cares so much about these two random overlords, but he demonstrably does. He wouldn't feel so drawn to them and their products if they weren't important in some way. If Alastor ever ordered him to hurt them, he'd probably refuse (or at least try to talk his way out of it), which never happens anymore.

would alastor drag him to the hotel, making him a reluctant staff member, even though it fails to capture his interest? what surprising dynamics would crop up?

Of course! He's basically Alastor's loyal pet now– no reason not to bring him along! The hotel is novel enough that he's not particularly bored (always some wacky nonsense happening there!), even if the whole redemption thing is a bit out of his depth and doesn't feel possible.

Vox scares the absolute crap out of Husk. Knowing Niffty wasn't just a one-off and that Alastor is willing to do this to someone he considered a friend just because he didn't like his attitude is terrifying. Vox would also end up pretty close with Niffty, not because of their shared situation (neither of them are really aware of that), but because her 1950s sensibilities are comforting and familiar to him– she always makes sense to him in a way the rest of the world just doesn't. She also wouldn't even be remotely bothered by the constant out-of-nowhere topic changes or the short-term memory loss, so that's a plus.

and if it occurs during/post-canon, and the hotel ensemble knew who vox used to be, would this irrevocably change his relationship with the cast who do not know alastor's cruelty?

Oh yeah. I think seeing Alastor do something this extreme and unnecessary would be the final straw for Charlie. She's not even comfortable with killing genocidal freaks like Adam; no matter what Vox did, she wouldn't be okay with this. Plus, actually seeing him do this would make it click for everyone that maybe Niffty's not just some funny little creature, which would feel incredibly violating in retrospect given how much they've all come to care about her. Charlie would kick Alastor out of the hotel, which he'd be thrilled about, although he might end up back on their doorstep due to the constraints of his contract.

does vox have dysphoria when he remembers his head isn't a CRT, and then forgets, and then remembers, and then forgets, and then—?

Imo, in both routes he'd probably go back to the original 1950s set that he manifested with. It's just something he feels compelled to do– it's what Alastor would want him to do, after all. He'd probably need help making the change, but Alastor would do so happily / Velvette would do so reluctantly if that's what'll make him feel comfortable. I have a mental image where, when he first wakes up after The Incident, the first sign that something's wrong is that his display is fully black and white, despite the fact he's still using the modern flatscreen. But yeah, I imagine there'd be a lot of loops of "something is wrong– nevermind!– something is wrong– nevermind!" about various things, whether it's his body, the situation, or the presence/absence of certain people.

[wings-of-ink]

in the middle of slowly replaying with my roster of mc’s and i’m catching so many things. it’s mainly flavor text but hooh boy am i sucker for flavor text, i would go to hell and back for flavor text.

oswin dropping whatever he was holding at the shrine and it making a resounding clanging noise while duri talks about getting pet by mc. this guy…..oh my god……..he’s just. AAAAAAAAAAA he’s so awkward but also so???? so??????? i’m going to squeeze him. and where’s my gift, sir? what’s that thing you wanna tell me? yet again, another injuring life-threatening event keeps mc from finding out as getting better remains number one priority on oswins mind

second playthrough is somehow making duri even more charming to me. i must cuddle 😞 but him constantly calling mc some variation of sheep is making me nervous. it has me nervously looking around the room at my invisible audience going “🤨”

but speaking of looking at invisible audiences…..i thought duri’s nicknames for our little ensemble is so cute <3 duri calling zahn sunflower was really fitting, i thought “wow they see my vision they get it!” especially with the way there was a halo of light around zahns head when mc wakes up after passing out. my sweet little angel i’m going to squeeze them too (is the cuteness aggression getting to me). AGH i’m getting off topic!! what i’m trying to get at is, i noticed how strangely special these individual nicknames are. my healer mc has the nightfall-esque mark and i originally brushed off the moonbeam nickname because you know…wolves…..moons……the correlation is there! duri doesn’t know about the mark pssh *waves it off* zahn’s sunflower nickname had me raise an eyebrow but i was still like “yeah nooo duri doesn’t know heh.” and now on my second playthrough with my rising sun mark mc…its undeniable that duri has to know. oswin can try to protect that secret for mc until the day he dies but its like having a locked door on a house but the house has missing walls and a missing roof. the whole cast is going to know. and speaking of cast, does duri know rune?? he brought up magical bard with healing abilities so casually 🧐

I also love flavor text. I try to put what I can in there as long as it isn't too out of place. It is the salt to my potato, lol. There's so much going on that sometimes I remember something I can add like days after I write a segment and I have to wiggle it in.

I'm glad you enjoyed those moments too. I really like little humorous reactions, especially at Oswin's expense. There's a lot of tension that can be brewing and those moments of levity are so much fun. You'll have to hunt Oswin down for that gift at this point, lol.

Duri will likely come up with other tasty nicknames for MC as we go too. They are very perceptive of others, so the right name just...comes to them.

This whole trip is going to teach Oswin just sooo many lessons.

Duri does in fact know Rune. Expect an interesting interaction/altercation later, lol.

So many wonderful things to uncover, so little time. ^_^

[the0verboss]

WIP Wednesday

Merry Christmas! Have some low stakes Durgetash going to a party at Lord Astarion's for Midwinter.

This was really an excuse for me to write Gortash fussing about fashion

🎄🎄🎄

There is a vein that runs from just around the outside of his eye and up toward his scalp, generally hidden by the dark shag of his hair. All the same even if he can't usually see it Archduke Enver Gortash can feel it, most especially during moments like this. The way it throbs occasionally makes his eye twitch, an entirely unsubtle showing of consternation.

“Is that what you're wearing my dear?” He asks, voice even in spite of the pulsing vein on his face.

Achaia stops dead still, fingers caught in the high brocade collar of his maroon and silver formal jacket. Facemaker’s Boutique again by the look of it. And trousers to match. Perfectly acceptable trousers, they could even be considered elegant in their cut. Hard soled flat leather shoes with a matching brocade pattern finish the outfit off. And yet…

“We are going to Astarion’s Midwinter party are we not? He's entertaining a delegation from Waterdeep, I thought-”

“Oh I can see what you thought, my love.”

“Is there a problem, Gortash?”

Ooh, a low blow, and Gortash can feel his eye twitch.

Gortash for himself is dressed in his customary black and gold. Subtle red hints throughout the ensemble that will catch and draw the eye to his exceptionally expensive and stylish boots. The shiny black thigh highs with the gold buckles and the red bottoms. It's perhaps a bit opulent but again there is the delegation from Waterdeep to parley with. He'd hoped Achaia would dress to match him.

He'd even attempted to make the desire hard to ignore and easy to acquiesce too. Their chamber in the newly restored Ducal Palace sported more than a few wardrobes so he’d left a collection of gorgeous lengths of silk out on their bed. All of them, beautiful blacks and golds and reds.

But that isn't exactly the crux of the issue. No if it were just that his beloved former Bhaalspawn had snubbed his desire in favor of his own it would be one thing. If Achaia had come down in his own draperies of a thousand different colors, gawdy and gauche by equal turns, hells Gortash would have simply rolled his eyes at the man and gone about his day. Let Achaia prance about like a spoiled peacock, gold in his ears and on his toes, his easy frivolity an intoxicating foil to his capable brutality. How many had once thought the man a particularly successful calimshan pirate for how he’d dressed?

But instead…..trousers, and a high collar. And fucking loafers, for every god’s sake.

It's been a regularly occurring problem since Achaia returned to him, his commitment to a new more Baldurian style of dress. A style that Achaia will spend all night picking at, like a particularly itchy boil. And in the morning when Gortash takes stock of the man's body, there will be blisters on his feet, a chafing at his neck and likely a subtle bruise around his middle where he’s pulled his girdle too tight. It would be one thing if Achaia liked the clothing, but he's seen the man eyeing the gowns and shawls of the other nobility on these types of occasions with palpable yearning. A yearning so obvious several of the finer textile workers have sent samples free of charge just for the opportunity to display them on the Archduke's Husband.

Between this reticence to dress in his old fashions and his commitment to cutting all his hair short above his ears, it's a wonder Gortash recognizes the man at all.

And it's beginning to get old.

“I left you a particularly fine set of silks on the bed.”

“Did you? I didn't see them.” The Bhaalspawn speaks without looking at him, eyes fixed on his wrist as he adjusts a stubborn cufflink. A stubborn silver cufflink.

Honestly the man couldn't look less matched to Gortash if he tried, their reds will clash horribly, their metallics in direct contrast. And he hates to say it but, next to Gortash, Achaia is going to look horribly common. Astarion is going to eat him alive for this.

“I'm not sure how you could have missed them darling, they're-”

Achaia's pale orchid pink eye, his only good eye, cuts quickly to him. The look is sharp as any dagger the man could wield and colder than a dockside corpse. “We are going to be late if you keep criticizing my wardrobe.”

And so they go, arm in arm to yet another Gala at the Czarr palace. Every guest is dressed to impress, twirling around the dance floor, trading looks in the corners, wheeling and dealing under tables. Unquestionably Astarion has a gift for always getting all the right people into the room. Some of these people won't be leaving, depending on what they have to say to the Archduke. a wonderfully fun way to keep a vampire lord entertained and fed, while also removing political barriers quietly.

Achaia slips from his arm almost the second they're through the door to take up with one of the Waterdeep delegation's wives. Gortash watches him bow deeply, kissing the top of her hand before inviting her to the dance floor. Perfection.

Or we'll it would be, if Gortash didn't see how stiff his love is moving in those damn trousers.

“You know. I didn't think-”

“Save it Lord Astarion. I know exactly what you think, and we're of the same mind.”

“That your boots are tacky? My my-”

“Hah! Enough, you toothsome flying rat, I know you have the match to these in your own wardrobe.”

“Quite. Speaking of wardrobes, Achaia-”

“I've tried to speak with him. He won't hear me. He'd prefer to pretend that he hasn't changed anything. I don't know what the problem is.”

[princess-of-the-corner]

I reread Hero Chat again, and one of the things I'm loving is how many characters get to be spotlighted and how many fun characters get to have individual interactions. Like, just in this new chapter we get Mylene and Tomoe, and that's something that canon would never even consider. And of course ALL the Zoe and Lila together is like my FAVORITE thing happening right now. I am canoeing them so hard (platonic shipping). Like, you've done a good enough job with it that I'm canoeing them outside of HC.

Basically: ML frequently seems to forget that people other than the MCs exist, but you do a really good job handling the frankly huge ensemble cast, and it's getting added to the pile of "things in ML fanfic that heal my soul after it turned into a dry withered husk from continuing to watch the show."

Canoeing is the perfect word oh my god.

But also yeah ML has just. This large cast of characters and they rarely get the time and attention dedicated to them.

They occasionally get the spotlight when they're the Akuma of the Day, because we need to know why they're upset enough to get Akumatized.

Sometimes their Hero Debut Episode focuses on them, but that's a tossup as they're balancing the other plots of the Akuma and whatever Mari and Adrien have going on.

Most often they get sidelined in favor of Mari and Adrien.

This is why I think the idea of having a larger Hero Team would be better to allow for shifted focus like. While the Main 5 would all be friends, they'd have episodes with individual groups where not all of them are present.

Like to compare, we can look at MLP. Something that has a similarly large cast. But you get different groups of characters depending on the episodes.

You have the Mane 6 all together. You have episodes focusing on just 2-3 of the group instead of the full 6 to get ideas of their own dynamics. You have episodes that focus on one member and the supporting cast is made up of characters around them ie: Applejack episode with her family, Pinkie episode with the Cakes, Rainbow and the Wonderbolts, Rarity and her clients, etc. You also have episodes where the focus isn't on the Mane 6 aren't in focus at all and instead we have the CMC or Spike or later we get Starlight and the Young Six.

With ML we could've had this in different spots. Like. We have our Main 5 Heroes.

But maybe one episode foucses on Marinette and the Art Club/Kitty Section. The next is Alya hanging with Max to do tech coding stuff. Adrien falls in with Alix and Kim for the athletic nonsense. Nino's hanging out with Mylene because he's into directing and she's in theatre so drama club overlap. Chloé would have Sabrina and maybe later Kagami and/or Lila then Zoé.

And then yeah have episodes without them. Let the others have the spotlight!

[hesgomorrah]

Until a few minutes ago I've never thought about Trapcahy but it seems intriguing tbh. Can you maybe share a few Trapcahy moments to get me started?

(Also I'm totally looking forward to the Trapcahy spanking fic now!)

Oh my god, hi, thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about them! Admittedly Trapcahy is a crackship that got wildly out of hand so there isn't actually a ton to point to in the show itself, a lot of it is just extrapolating, but they definitely have their moments that you can watch with shipping goggles on. Also sorry this is so many words, you activated my trap (heh) card. The important bits are in bold.

I tried to pick a top three episodes, but really it's a top four: Requiem for a Lightweight, Showtime, Life With Father, and Alcoholics Unanimous are probably the ones that give us the most to work with in terms of their dynamic. But they have lots of little moments sprinkled throughout the show! Trapper "shooting craps with the chaplain" (😏) in Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, their conversation in Mail Call, the opening scene of Rainbow Bridge ("Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful." "Aren't we lucky to have such a nice Father?"). Mulcahy watches Trapper make out with a nurse in L.I.P. (twice if you count Bulletin Board) and Trapper feeds him by hand in House Arrest and kisses his cheek in Kim. And I can't for the life of me remember the episode, but there's a scene where Trapper is pouring Mulcahy a drink at a party, and he says "Not too much, I'm praying later :)" and Trapper gives a side glance as if he'd been thinking he was about to get laid this whole time. (EDIT: It's Dear Dad Three!)

But mostly what interests me about Trapcahy is more their potential than what we actually see on-screen, just due to the relatively low-drama, ensemble nature of the seasons of MASH that Trapper was actually in. It's never explicitly stated in the show, but it's heavily implied on a number of occasions that Trapper was raised Catholic and now has a rocky at best relationship with the Church; I'm also very interested in the reading of Mulcahy as a closeted gay man, but each of those could be an essay unto themselves. The way I see them, they're two people with the specific experience of growing up both queer and very Irish Catholic in a big city, surrounded by suburban WASPs, and that gives them the unique potential to both heal and hurt each other in a way I don't think any other shipping partner could give either of them. They're mirrors in a way, two wildly different individuals that are the product of incredibly similar circumstances, and I think that's a fascinating space to play in!

[fructidors]

HI so i'm thinking about burning a CD with live versions of mountain goats songs, however i am not well-versed in the world of the mountain goats so. what would you recommend? (the CD can be up to 80 minutes long :))

YEAHHHH so as you're probably aware the world of mountain goats live recordings is unimaginably expansive and i am by most standards an amateur at traversing it BUT i do have lots of advice :D

there really is no such thing as a bad mountain goats show. even the ones with awful crowds or where the band isn't doing so great are bound to have some very very bright spots. at the same time, the mountain goats have a 30+ year touring history, with lineups varying from john alone, to the full four-piece current permanent ensemble, to the five-piece current touring ensemble, to on one remarkable occasion john with a medieval a cappella quartet, to absolutely everywhere in between, so everyone is bound to have their own tastes.

as such, a really good way to find tmg shows is to just look through the mountain goats wiki! they have over 1500 shows listed, the general majority of which have archive.org recordings. they also have every live show any particular song was played at listed-- most of my favorite shows i've found through looking through all the various performances of my favorite songs. there are also a lot of great recs over on r/themountaingoats. but here are some of my personal favorites:

the bottom of the hill shows!! the bottom of the hill is a small venue in san francisco that the mountain goats have played at quite a few times over the years, and for some combination of reasons the shows there always turn out ridiculously special. any mountain goats fan will point a new tmg live listener to the bottom of the hill. the rather infamous recording of no children sung entirely by the crowd took place there in 2006. the recording of california song i sent you was from a show there in 2014-- which by the way contains the entirety of transmissions from horace (an early tape that was later released as part of the compilation ghana), which is why there might be a lot of songs you don't recognize, and also why they played so many fan favorites to close it out (as compensation)(denton AND you were cool. WHAT A NIGHT). everything from no children on in that recording is pure gold. the show there from the next night is roughly the same in content but the rendition of the best ever death metal band in denton they close with is one of my favorite live tracks of all time. and finally a show there from 2008 was videoed in full by paste magazine!! (here is the archive.org version for audio files) this is SUCH a good show oh my god. the two really standout numbers in my opinion are not actually by the mountain goats-- one is ace of base's defining europop number the sign, which has been. drastically reimagined by the mountain goats. the bottom of the hill performance is punctuated with stories about john's own personal history with the song (which, if that appeals, check out this version too), and is just generally iconic. and also intense. SPEAKING OF INTENSE the other is houseguest-- which is a song by franklin bruno (who john was/is in a band called the extra glens/glenns/lens with) that john has played live quite a bit. this particular performance is really just my favorite because you get to watch john stalk around and lean out over the crowd like a vulture or perhaps some kind of crow. for the audio alone honestly i would recommend the version from this 2008 show. (fun fact about me personally the first time my mom ever left baby me alone with my dad overnight was to go to this exact show!! i am still mad at her for not taking me)

the fall 2005 tour!! the really cool thing about this tour is that at the time, the mountain goats were still comprised of just john darnielle and peter hughes (bassist), so typically live shows were very stripped down and a far cry from the aforementioned five-person full band they tour as now. but on this tour, their opener, the prayers and tears of arthur digby sellers, joined them for a few songs each set, which meant they had much fuller band (DRUMS!! MORE GUITAR!!) while also still being very much sunset tree-era mountain goats and BOY is it special. highlights include: the version of tollund man from toronto which doesn't feature the larger band, but john does incorporate a mangled paraphrase of the final couplet of shakespeare's sonnet 73 (this thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong / to love that well which thou must leave ere long) into the song; the performance of palmcorder yajna from the same night where john replaces the "send somebody out for soda" line with "send somebody out for ATIVAN;" and of course, against pollution knitting factory halloween 2005 (audio). you probably noticed me posting the youtube video of this every day of october. it's my second favorite tmg live recording of all time (after bottom of the hill california song). john is in a priest costume which adds the most je ne sais quoi ever to the song (which is about going to church and shooting a guy. amongst other things). the video and audio are not clear at all but you must understand that is what makes this performance SO. it's SOOOO. in conclusion:

(do christians have high holidays. i'm so jewish i'm sorry)

the webster hall 2009 show!! this show's from the life of the world to come tour which is why there are so many songs named after bible verses (unsure how familiar you are with the life of the world to come but i feel like it has some you vibes). they were touring with violinist owen pallet at the time which means we get going to bristol & hebrews 11:14 with string accompaniment!!!! this show literally never fails but the absolute highlights for me are deuteronomy 2:10 (although deuteronomy 2:10 is one of my favorite songs in the entire mountain goats canon so it's rare to come across a version i dislike), enoch 18:14 (which is actually an unreleased outtake from lotwtc-- the version you see online the most is from the lotwtc film but this one is full-band and prefaced by a long john story about video games)(if the latter appeals, i'd check out thank you mario), quito (which is probably best appreciated as part of the larger we shall all be healed album but the full-band version here SHINES), and of course full band going to georgia!!! i understand solo going to georgia purists so so well and there really is nothing like shouting the words back to just john and his guitar but there is SOMETHING in full band going to georgia that i suspect is rather close to real actual apotheosis. if the former appeals more though i am emotionally attached to the version from last august because i was there (one of only 7 times he's played it since 2012!) and it was the best day of my life but objectively this 2007 version is probably better.

also!! i've done something very similar with a tape! it's probably the most care i've ever put into a tracklist and remains one of my favorite tapes i've ever made-- finding tracks for it is how i found most of what i just recommended :) here's the setlist:

ignore the blank spot i tried to put in abandoned flesh from the aforementioned august show i went to but it turned out really bad for some reason so i wanted to put in shower from the show two days before john got married but then i forgot. anyways YEAH THAT'S ABOUT IT! lmk if you want more specific reqs or about any mountain goats thoughts ever anytime :DDD

[fast-moon]

My Top 10 Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Episodes

So, since I marathoned the entire series and now have nothing better to do than to reminisce, I figured I'd go back and revisit some of my favorite episodes and give a bit more thoughts on them beyond the one-line snark I did when I was liveblogging the whole series during my first-time watch.

These are just the top 10 episodes that personally stuck with me for one reason or another, whether it be the topic they explored, the way it was executed, or basically just stuff that left me thinking, "Huh, that gave me something to think about."

10. 2x14 Whispers So we're still back in the era where the "Let's torture O'Brien" episodes weren't quite as grim as some of the later ones, and also before O'Brien's started getting redpilled. Early-season O'Brien episodes tended to be more enjoyable because the tone was more "Oh my god, they killed O'Brien!" (which an incarnation of him does die in this episode), before they took an uncomfortably dark turn starting with "Tribunal" and "Hard Time".

This episode is mostly notable due to its kind of brilliant twist ending, where it's revealed that we've been following an imposter O'Brien the entire episode and the real one had been kidnapped and held prisoner the whole time. Something similar ends up happening a few seasons later with a Changeling version of Bashir.

But early seasons really did love their crazypox episodes, so on an initial watch, it was easy to come to the same conclusion O'Brien did that there was some kind of conspiracy going on or everyone had been affected by something while he was away, similar to that TNG episode where Picard comes back to the ship and everyone's returned to monke.

There isn't much else to say about the rest of the episode, though, but the clever reveal at the end that re-contextualized the entire rest of the episode stuck with me through the whole series, which is why this one can earn the #10 spot on the list, at least.

9. 3x07 Civil Defense Attention Bajoran workers: The failure to rank this episode in the top 5 will cause the remainder of this list to self-destruct in 10 minutes.

This time instead of just torturing O'Brien, O'Brien decides to take everyone down with him by accidentally tripping an old Cardassian security protocol meant to suppress rioting prisoners. The crew then have to figure out how to disable it before the protocol escalates its countermeasures to total station annihilation.

I liked this episode because it ended up being a whole-ensemble episode without the focus on any one character. Except for locking Odo in his office with Quark, rendering him mostly useless the whole episode. Well, useless to the rescue mission. His role was to supply us with ample Odo/Quark banter, which he did very well with.

I did really end up liking the Odo/Quark frenemy relationship. They've got this sort of Lupin III/Zenigata thing going on with the inspector and the thief, constantly trying to outwit each other but also silently respecting each other. Just that "Zenigata" tends to win most of the time. And they do still have each other's backs if one of them gets in trouble (that they didn't cause). Sort of an "I'm the only one who gets to defeat you" kind of thing.

But this episode gets the honor of being the first one to make me laugh out loud, when Dukat tries to transport away after smugly gloating at everyone's predicament for 5 minutes, only to discover his codes had been overwritten and all he could do was stand there awkwardly twiddling his thumbs. It was also at that moment that I stopped being able to take him seriously as a villain, even when the series repeatedly tried to re-villainize him later. It just never worked. He will always be the guy who got caught in his own trap, and then later got stabbed in the ass with a cactus.

Just the way I'm sure Garak wants him remembered.

8. 3x17 Visionary They managed to kill O'Brien three times in this episode, so that's a new high score. And on a re-watch, I realized this episode was also the introduction of the dart board that then carried through the rest of the series.

The B-plot also involved some great scenes with Odo, with his memorable "I always investigate Quark" quip, to his "I just needed to remind you how good I am". And it's also three episodes out from "Heart of Stone", so Odo's crush on Kira is getting pushed hard, too. Kira's reaction to the Romulans' accusation that Odo had feelings for her felt more like she was being protective of him rather than embarrassment. That she had the understanding that he was aro-ace, completely respected that, and would get angrily defensive at anyone who tried to insinuate otherwise, since he has a hard time advocating for himself. As someone who's aro-ace myself, I very much recognize that frustration at people going to great lengths to "prove" that you do secretly want to date or fuck someone and simply don't want to admit it.

But what I like about O'Brien's side of this episode is how he just begrudgingly rolls with it like, "I guess this is my life now". And that everyone is basically immediately on-board with it like, "Oh, so O'Brien's tripping through time now. Hey, can you check tomorrow's lottery numbers?" instead of wasting half the episode not believing him.

And also in true Star Trek fashion, they figure out all the components necessary for his time-travel, from the radiation to the temporal frequencies coming off the anomaly, to the point where they can control the timing and execute it at will. And then proceed to never put this knowledge to use again. TNG was notoriously bad about this, as they regularly used the transporter to cure diseases, reverse aging, or straight-up bring people back to life, and then completely forget they can do that by the next time a similar problem arises. But think of how many problems they could have averted if they simply bothered to peek 5 hours into the future on the regular.

The ending of the episode also poses an interesting philosophical question, where the "Prime" timeline O'Brien dies, and instead sends back his incarnation from three hours in the future to live out the rest of his life. So is this still the "real" O'Brien? If instead the framing of the episode was that O'Brien went back in time and re-lived the last 3 hours of his life, then continued as normal, would it be interpreted the same? Because with all of Prime O'Brien's time-skips, the future incarnations of himself, including the two dead ones, ceased to exist, anyway, due to him changing the future with his foreknowledge.

Next time Keiko comes back, she'll give him the side-eye and be like, "I can tell..."

7. 2x08 Necessary Evil A film noir-style origin story for Odo, chronicling how he became chief of security on the station while it was under Cardassian rule, and how he first met Kira and Quark.

What stood out to me about this episode was how we'd had an entire season telling us about how things were under Cardassian occupation, but this was the first episode to actually show it. Plus Odo had a cooler outfit back when he was working for the bad guys, because bad guys always have cooler outfits. The Bajoran onesies are certainly one of the more questionable design choices for this series. I do miss Kira's shoulder pads from the early seasons, though.

So, the wife of a murdered Bajoran collaborator hires Quark to find his list of other collaborators so she can blackmail them for money, and hires a hitman to take out Quark. This causes Odo to reopen the investigation into her husband's death, which I guess he never actually solved originally, given that he didn't figure out Kira was the killer until the present day end of the episode.

But I like how this episode has a bit where Odo insists that he "doesn't take sides" and is only interested in impartial justice, but still ends up protecting Kira from Dukat after she confesses to a different crime than the one he's been charged with investigating. That "not choosing sides" isn't necessarily "justice" if the status quo itself is unjust.

This was also the episode where Rom seemed to start making the turn from the scheming sidekick who wanted Quark dead to beginning to have some actual personal skills and motives, such as being able to tamper with locks. He's not as stupid as he looks ("Yes I am!").

Also, Kira and Odo respect the shit out of each other even when there's friction between them, and I am all for that, every time.

6. 6x19 In the Pale Moonlight Hey, everybody, who wants some war crimes?!

There's a saying along the lines of, "The people who insist you use the proper channels are the ones who control those channels and know they won't work." And that, if there is an injustice that needs to be righted, and all legal means of righting it have been exhausted, does it justify extra-legal means?

In this episode, Sisko is desperate to turn the tide of the war so enlists the help of Garak to try to trick the Romulans into joining the war against the Dominion with a forged recording. The Romulan senator discovers it's a faaaake, but Garak has his ship blown up on the way home in such a way that the Dominion is implicated, anyway.

And Sisko insists that if he'd do it all again if he had to, since it got him what he needed and potentially saved the Alpha Quadrant. And as I get older, I'm more inclined to agree with him. I see so many problems continuing to persist because people would rather do nothing and keep their hands clean, than take action that might dirty their conscience. "This policy will fix a problem for 90% of the people who have it, but if we support it, it will look like we are actively shunning those 10% of people who won't be helped, so it's morally better to not help anyone so everyone continues to suffer equally."

Then there's also the issue where, if your enemy is breaking a rule with no consequence, why should you be obligated to follow it yourself? If you snitch on a resistance group trying to take down the evil empire, no one is going to be commending your dedication to truth and justice.

So in Sisko's case, I can't really fault his methodology, only marvel at the fact that it spiraled so far out of his control and yet he still managed to pick up a win at the end due to Garak being even more conniving than he was and having a backup plan that included murder. But if that one murder ended up saving millions of lives due to prompting a change in policy, does it become justified?

Asking for a guy who shot a health insurance CEO.

5. 2x22 The Wire It's only appropriate that the day I re-watch this episode to figure out where to rank it on the list is the day after Lower Decks drops an episode establishing Garak and Bashir having a romantic relationship in a parallel universe (with their actors reprising their roles, no less).

I'm not really a "shipper", though, as I find that there are scant few relationships in media that I feel would be improved if the relationship was turned romantic. That doesn't mean that a relationship turning romantic necessarily makes it worse, just that it's, at best, a lateral move, where the relationship remains exactly as it was before, just with the understanding that they're now "in love". But a lot of times media injects petty drama and bickering into a relationship once it turns romantic, which ends up destroying the chemistry that made the relationship compelling in the first place when it was platonic. So generally I'd rather just have good chemistry and leave it at that.

So here's an episode with two characters with good chemistry, interacting. Sold.

But we find that Garak's chipper personality until now seems to mostly have been drug-induced, as he's been riding a perpetual high the entire time he's been on the station to cope with being exiled. Now he's starting to suffer from severe side-effects of this dependency, and Bashir has to wean him off of it and help him through withdrawal.

This episode is noteworthy in that it's the episode that redeemed Bashir for me, first and foremost. In season 1, Bashir almost single-handedly ruined the series for me with how insufferable and womanizing he was. He very much did not come across as someone I could trust with my health and safety. But this episode is where he finally took the turn to actually acting like a doctor, Jim, not a narcissist.

Especially with all the skirt-chasing he was doing, he didn't seem to even particularly like any of the women he was chasing, or who were awkwardly written into romances with him with zero build-up, like Leeta or Ezri. Bashir must have a love interest, and it must not be any of the people he actually has rapport with.

We also finally get some Garak backstory, too. ... Or do we? His whole routine has been basically making it up as he goes along, but now that I have the blessing of foresight from having seen the rest of the series, he's actually not too terribly out of line here. He was indeed Obsidian Order, he was indeed "son of Tain". But even with the foresight, it's still unclear what story of his banishment is true. Or we can just take his word for it that they're all true. Even the lies.

Especially the lies.

4. 7x14 Chimera A recurring theme in my episode-by-episode reactions during my initial watch-through was #JusticeForOdo, due to how poorly he was accommodated by the station and crew. That it was just "easier" for everyone else if he contort himself into unnatural shapes every day in order to simply exist among them and perform his duties. And how this imbalance was never really addressed.

Well, it took 7 seasons, but it finally fucking was.

One thing that sci-fi is great for is allegory for social and political topics. People get so inundated with real-world examples of "racism bad", "sexism bad", "homophobia bad" that they tend to become numb to it. Show someone something they've seen a hundred times, and they're likely not going to feel any differently about it than they did before. So you have to make it novel to them to get them to reconsider it. Ask "why can't this man wear a dress in public when it's not hurting anyone", and they'll already have a canned answer ready without even having to think about it. Ask "why can't this man turn into fog in public when it's not hurting anyone", and now they have to think about it, because a canned answer for that isn't available.

On the other side, the episode also doesn't try to paint the station crew as unnecessarily xenophobic or Laas as an innocent victim. They are currently at war with the other Changelings, and so far, Odo is the only one they've ever met who's been "one of the good ones". So their suspicion is, unfortunately, justified. The problem is then compounded by them even being willing to give Laas a chance initially and reach out to him, and Laas being openly xenophobic right back at them, due to his own prior encounters with Solids. It's riding a thin line between having the right to express yourself and going out of your way to offend people and then crying victim when they get upset.

And by the end, all of this starts leading to the uncomfortable conclusion that sometimes two people are too radically different to comfortably co-exist. Laas only seems more reasonable than the Founders because he thinks oppression of other races is excessive, but segregating them is fine. That meeting the needs of one would require too many concessions from the other, and vice-versa. Laas repeatedly presses Odo about how "accepted" he truly is when he has to go out of his way to hide his true nature in public to maintain everyone else's relative comfort. Which is a very valid point.

So one thing I think this episode missed out on, was at least addressing that point for Odo. That things are only uncomfortable when they're novel, but over time as people get used to them and recognize that they're not a threat, they become accepted. Even in media, we've gone from only white men being represented, to Black men, to women, to interracial relationships, to same-sex relationships, all within only, like, 50 years. Similarly with Odo, I feel like there should have been a scene where Sisko states that Odo has always been free to shapeshift in public, and if anyone has a problem with it, they'd have to go through him.

Instead, that permission is limited to Kira. Which, great, and I continue to love how much of an ally and an advocate she is for him. And also her feeling of inadequacy due to there being a level of intimacy that she is physically incapable of giving him, and being okay with him leaving her for someone who can if that's what would make him happiest. So my aro-ace self is still absolutely enamored with the ending where Odo declines to go along with the guy who can give him the most mind-blowing sex in favor of staying with the person who makes him feel emotionally fulfilled.

3. 6x25 The Sound of Her Voice So, my absolute favorite dynamic is "The person you can comfortably vent your ails to." So many annoying conflicts happen in media simply because characters fail to communicate with each other. Or characters are too traumatized to talk about a problem until it becomes everyone else's problem. When so much can be solved by just having someone to talk to.

And that's what this episode is about. The crew intercepts a distress call from a marooned captain who is a 6-day journey away. She's running out of oxygen, so to help keep her conscious, they spend the entire journey keeping her talking over communications and taking turns having conversations with her.

And by doing so, basically the entire crew gets therapy without even realizing it. They're all mentally exhausted from the war and have been starting to become distant from each other. And it's a reality that if you have a problem, and everyone around you is associated with that problem (even if they're not the cause), then it's hard to talk to them about it. Because it means all your frustrated energy is simply recirculating into the same circle. It needs to be vented to the outside, to a third party.

I also love the B-plot of this episode utterly lampshading Odo's tsundere personality, and also a heartwarming take on Odo and Quark's relationship. Quark's got a scheme and needs Odo distracted, so tries to get Odo set up on a date with Kira. Odo ends up rescheduling his date last-minute, which puts Quark in a panic that he'll be found out. Except Odo has already found out, and decides to schedule his date back to when it's most convenient for Quark in order to let him have this one, in order to silently thank him for his efforts in helping him with his relationship with Kira.

The A-plot with the marooned captain then ends with a twist that the transmission they'd been interacting with the entire time had been time-shifted, and the captain had already died of hypoxia three years prior, so they never would have reached her in time. But the crew still decide to recover her body and hold a funeral for her in thanks for her help in getting them to open up about their problems and talk through them.

... Though, it's a good thing the time-shifted transmission still ended before they reached the planet. Otherwise they might have found her body while she was still talking to them, and that would have made for an awkward conversation.

2. 5x06 Trials and Tribble-ations So, I had actually seen this episode a couple times before back in the 90's because one of my friends had taped it and insisted I watch it, because it was kinda infamous at the time. And because I saw it as a teenager with no context for the rest of DS9 (I had at least already seen the original TOS episode), watching it now 30 years later as an adult was kind of weird because it was like... I remembered the scenes and dialogue, but I didn't know who the DS9 characters (aside from Worf) were at the time. I didn't know Kira was pregnant or Odo was stuck in human form at this point in the continuity. I didn't know why Sisko kept calling Dax "Old Man". All I knew was that they had been Forrest Gumped into a TOS episode for the lulz.

And you know what? Lulz are important. A lot of other episodes on this list are ones that have some kind of socio-political or psychological thematic discussion, but this one is just "Woo, self-insert fanfic time!"

I do love that it pokes fun at its own history, like the OG Klingons not having forehead prosthetics and simply having goatees instead, or how laughably bulky all of the handheld equipment was. Granted, they were poking fun at the 60's view of futuristic tech being so analog, and now we poke fun at the 90's view of futuristic tech still being so tied to physical media (like needing a different pad for each document). I'm sure 30 years from now, they'll be laughing at how quaint our view of future tech looked.

The editing in this episode is certainly still impressive for being done on a 90's TV budget, though there are still some areas were it was obvious characters were pasted into the background. The shadows on O'Brien and Bashir when Kirk paces in front of them during the line-up are quite clearly edited in. But the best part is Dax and Sisko being in the storage bin tossing tribbles onto Kirk's head.

It's also hilarious that time-travel happens so often in the Star Trek universe that they have specific training and departments dedicated to handling it. Although, it's also amusing that time travel only seems to happen to the main characters. What happens if they're all sitting around minding their own business, and some other Starfleet crew went back in time and mucked up the timeline and suddenly everything's different? The investigators said that Kirk alone had 17 temporal violations, and the DS9 crew time-travels at least once a season. Hell, Quark time-traveled by accident just by carrying a shipment of magic rocks. If it's that common for them, it must be that common for everyone else.

This episode didn't have any kind of mind-blowing message, but it was silly, it was memorable, and it was innovative enough to get me to watch it back when I wasn't even interested in this series, so that earns it it's spot on this list. 1. 1x19 Duet It was a tough call whether to place this episode or the Tribble one first because they're absolutely impossible to compare. But this episode caught me off guard by literally making me cry at the end, even on a re-watch when I already knew what the reveal was.

Plus it deals with a topic that I spend a lot of time contemplating myself: how much the rank and file of a corrupt regime should realistically be expected to be able to do anything about it. Generally the lower your standing, the more extreme measures you'd need to take in order to have any chance at affecting anything, so at what point can you judge someone for not taking an extremely personally risky action to save others?

So in this episode we have Marritza, a low-level Cardassian file clerk who was stationed at a brutal Bajoran concentration camp. He ends up haunted by his time there and wracked with guilt that there was nothing he could do to stop it, so assumes the identity of the camp's leader, Gul Darheel, and gets himself captured. His intent is to take all the Bajorans' anger at the occupation onto himself and give themselves a target of vengeance, and have himself stand trial to force the Cardassians to acknowledge what they did.

But over the course of the episode, Kira figures out his ploy and becomes sympathetic to him. As much as she hates Cardassians for what they did, she can't bring herself to use an innocent one as a scapegoat to take out her anger on, even if he's gift-wrapped himself for her for that purpose.

This also ended up being the episode that really enamored me to Kira. She had already been a decent character, but up until now I had worried that she would just be the 90's archetype of a "strong female character" who's simply an impulsive hot-head who gets offended at everything. And while she started out with an irrational vengeful streak in this episode, she also proved that she could accept new evidence and view an emotionally-charged situation objectively. Which is super hot.

[aphfanficwriters]

Every month we will pose a question and collate responses as a fun and informal little exercise in getting to know each other and spark discussion. This month's question is:

“What genre do you most enjoy writing?”

Tama / @delgumofics: I like to write horror and comedy. Both those things are fun and they really appeal to my interests. Generally when I'm watching movies I gravitate toward those genres as well.

Lacy: I shall categorise my favourite genre to write under the umbrella term of drama. My interests span across too much spectrum, however I notice that I enjoy writing characters narratives towards the scenarios I present in the stories. It is enjoyable, to act almost like a God, and they can act and be whatever I want them to.

Eru / @eruverse: I think I’ve not written under any genre but slice of life? I already love writing domestic situations but slice of life serves me well as it provides a neutral setting for me to explore characters and their interactions. Basically, my whole shtick is character building, and I find that you don’t really need complex plots to effectively do this. My characters are well rounded even in very simple mundane situations!

Mossman / @one-more-mossman: I never thought about it, but I think I usually write slice of life stories. Maybe with a dash of drama. They are small, so I guess, they can be called miniatures.

Didi / @teaedon: What I write the most tends to be Drama, Comedy, or both, with more focus in characters interiority over plots. Sometimes Angst, often Horror, other times Slapstick or straight up bizarre (Crack). Something violent or bloody will happen ;) (or immoral, that's what fiction is for)

Yukihitomi / @arthurhonda: My favorite thing to write tends to be Romance, slice of life, and comedy. I also enjoy writing tragedies on occasion, but I have to be in the right mood (or need the right music)

Ash / Lutz: My favorite genre to write is drama 💙 I like writing characters being forced to open up as the plot progresses, writing something where "the only way out is through". But then they get a happy ever after, even if it isn't one they started out wanting 💖

WhiteWings / @smuttyandabsurd: I was leaning towards romance and drama as, well… that’s what a shippy author like me writes lol But in recent years I find that I like adding a touch of the absurdist in my fics. It’s not particularly overt nor over-the-top. I just like grounding some of the more fanciful characteristics of the romance/drama genre with something a bit silly. I like comments that point out the slightly absurd moments in my fics, I feel like it has succeeded in standing out then.

Prush / @proosh: Erotica and horror are my passions, because I find they've got a not insigificant overlap. I love horror lurking in the background of eroticism, and I love the eroticism that comes with horror. Interpersonal intimacy is something intriguing and frightening in equal measure and sometimes the author needs to be the scalpel peeling back the narrative flesh to dissect it.

Fed / @fedpawstered: Disturbia, erotica.. usually the two meshed into one strange little amalgamation. I like freakay stuff what can I say

@folightening: Definitely fantasy. I've always loved fantasy, and I enjoy not having to worry about how realistic things are while I'm writing. My favorite thing to focus on is the characters and their relationship to each other but I'm not sure what exactly that falls under. And I've been very interested in trying to write horror recently.

Rui / @reodo: I think my favourite thing to write is probably slice of life? I like writing stories with ensemble casts and lots of drama. Separately, I also like writing Erotica! pwp is super fun to write (especially since I don't have to think too hard about it!)

Sicily: I'd say horror or 'crackfic' (i don't know if it is a genre), and its just fun to do like a horror story with aph Germany x Shrek, oh and erotica even if I'm not good!

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

I think part of why most people I've talked to like Hazbin Hotel better then Helluva Boss, and why most of the writing problems in Helluva aren't as present in Hazbin, are because Hazbin is an ensemble show that treats all it's characters as EQUALLY IMPORTANT, while Helluva Boss is an ensemble show that just. Really wants to be the Blitzø and Stolas show.

Like oh my god that show wants to be about only Blitzø and Stolas so bad. It's why Moxxie gets more focus then Millie(he's closer to Blitzø), it's why the Stolitz drama gets dragged out the way it does, it's why Fizz has been getting more attention then the rest of the supposed main cast lately. Viv and Brandon(who doesn't get brought up very often when discussing the writing in Helluva Boss despite being the main cowriter?) CLEARLY just wanna focus on Blitzø and Stolas' backstories and relationship, despite marketing Helluva as an ensemble show. Moxxie gets some time as an individual, but I think that's more of a biproduct of him being around for longer then the other side characters tbh. Like they were initially concieved FOR Hazbin, and I'm not really sure where production went from there, but I believe they were originally just supposed to be an assassin duo that showed up in Hazbin a couple times? Idk details are fuzzy so if anybody knows more and feels like sharing feel free to rb/comment with your knowledge. Anyways Moxxie has more depth because he's been in development for longer, and as season 2 progresses it really feels like they're running out of shit to talk about with him. Everybody else is secondary to those two, which would be FINE if the show was PRESENTED as being about Stolitz, but it's kinda. Not. The show, especially if your going off of the pilot, is presented more like "the Office but in Hell". That is the concept most people are drawn in by. So when the people who signed up for a funny ensemble show in Hell start watching and end up with just a bunch of relationship drama and some occasional focus on like 1 or 2 other characters, they get confused and put off. It's like trying to watch the Office but getting Bojack Horseman(I think. I don't know much abt BJH-) instead.

Meanwhile Hazbin is advertised as an ensemble show and, so far, has fulfilled that promise. All 4 of the episodes we've gotten so far have focused on different characters and, between them, given an equal amount of focus to everyone except maybe Niffty. Episode 1 had Charlie and Vaggie leading the subplots, episode 2 had weirdly Vox and Sir Pentious as the focuses?, episode 3 was about. Pretty much everyone really but Velvette, Carmilla and Vaggie got especially highlighted because of their songs, and episode 4 was focused entirely on Angel and his relationships with the rest of the cast. Like. That's how ensemble shows are supposed to work. And while Charlie is still the main focus of the show, and I'm sure we'll see her get highlighted a whole lot more in coming episodes, Hazbin is still at it's core about EVERYBODY. Even characters that aren't even close to mains are getting attention! And aside from some uh. Very obvious pacing issues, the show handles the ensemble cast surprisingly well! And like, I think the main complaint I've seen(that isn't a straight up controversy) is that the Hotel isn't the main focus of the show? Which like. To be fair we're only like four episodes in? And also fits into my false advertising argument about Helluva but honestly this post is getting long and my brain is kinda melting and it's almost 2am and I have school tomorrow so I'm gonna cut this off here.

In conclusion Hazbin Hotel is generally more well liked than Helluva Boss because it's a true ensemble show, while Helluva is actually the Blitzø show PRETENDING to be an ensemble show. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk :)

[transgender-eichi]

your turn mutual! Top 3 Danganronpa and Enstars characters! :D

big essay type paragraph, so it's under the break:

aahh its been so long since i played danganronpa!!

since i've only played the official games, my faves from eacj game:

Trigger Happy Havoc: Leon Kuwata

rest in pieces. Idk what it was about him but i just really liked him. His design, his personality, his struggles. He defo didnt get enough development (since he got executed first...) but he's my top fave i think. I just really like him.

DR2 Goodbye Despair: Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

again, i dont really know why i like him, i just love LOVE his character arc in the game. he's just a little guy tbh. He's also my only fave that actually survived in the games lmao

DRV3 Killing Harmony: Kaito Momota

I LOVE HIM. he deserved better :(. although i dislike how they ended the series with the whole meta thing, i have to say i still liked the game alot. Kaito could be a little annoying but i genuinely loved him. He just wanted to be an astronaut man. Love him

I should really replay the games tbh. I have them all on the switch-

ENSEMBLE STARS!!!!

1. Tomoya Mashiro

oh my god i love this boy so much. genuinely. I cant even remember when i started liking him, because he wasn't my original favorite character. It was his RELOADED card that got me into his character though. I'm a big zombie and zombie apocalypse guy, and seeing this little guy in a ZOMBIE APOC THEMED CARD!! made me go a little insane. And it just kinda spiralled from there- I love his design, his personality, his interests, his struggles, his interactions with the other characters- he's just an incredible character to me. He's the "Average" boy, but he's honestly so, so much more than that. He's the leader of Ra*bits, (my favorite unit and imo the best one~), he's an incredible actor, he reads manga, he loves animals (he's got like a disney princess-like power with animals-), he loves his omurice, he loves idols, he loves his unit, he's just so passionate. His insecurities speak to me personally too, and it's like this little guy was made just for me. He may seem cute and plain, but he's such a nuanced character. It's the way that, since he feels boring surrounded by all of the chaos and such from the idol world, he's able to stay right-minded- such as in the RELOADED story. He's so insecure about being forgotten or being uninteresting, and he wants to stand out because he believe that he isn't impressive or special enough to be a good idol, and he works on that every day. He's a leader, and a friend, and can bring a certain bluntness and reason-mindedness when he needs to. He's just, hands down, my favorite character in the entire game.

2. Mao Isara

Mao was my first ever favorite in the game, and has constantly remained a favorite of mine since the beginning. This can be partially accredited to my bsf ( @autisticmao ) lmao, but also i just honestly love him. He's so underrated and such an interesting and deep character, with a beautiful voice, appearance, and personality. I genuinely love him as a character, and always will.

3. Yuzuru Fushimi

It's actually also Ky's fault that i started liking yuzu aswell, even if they somewhat deny it. They introduced yuzumao as a ship to me (which is one of my fave ships still tbh) and i kinda just started loving his character. His backstory is so interesting and the way he interacts with other characters, and his personality, and just. He's such an interesting character. I may not be the biggest finé fan (im defo not an eichiP, despite my username), but yuzuru's just different for me. I love him quite a lot for many reasons.

aaandd that's all! if you wanna know more lmk, im happy to share :D

especially about tomoya. i love him sm.

ofc there's other characters i like quite a lot, but these are my top faves.

[fragileizywriting]

"the reason why you're so let down by your own art is because you have expectations for it," my ceramics teacher told me, senior year of highschool, where i was trying to make something and i was getting frustrated because i didn't have the skills to build it. with that, she'd essentially made me stop crying on the spot— i was sobbing, because i wasn't sure about anything in my future, and we were nearing the end of the year and i couldn't even make one stupid ceramic piece.

at the time, contextually, life was getting hard.

i was practicing 5 hours a day for solo-ensemble; 2 hours during school and 3 hours after, while trying to pass my graduate-required classes, unmedicated with terrible ADHD. i was exhausted. i'd lost a friend group because they didn't like that i was putting music before them, because i wouldn't see them in the mornings because i was busy in the practice rooms with the pianist working on beethoven, of all things, showing up nearly an hour before school opened for classes because i was so unsatisfied...

and idk. the weight just kind of got to me. i won't lie, being 17-18 was hard. it's too much. and i was just having such a bad time, trying to make something in the one class that actually felt like fun, as opposed to singing that had taken over quite literally my whole life. (it dominated. i couldn't do anything. prospects of going professional; of going to a school specifically for music, because i've done it my whole life, played so many instruments and sang for so long, i even had a dream for three months of becoming an opera singer, because there was a local school that practically everyone who was in this section of my hs got shipped off to after they graduated.) so when i couldn't make a simple rectangular prism out of clay, i just started sobbing. full on tears. i couldn't even breathe.

i think i was having a panic attack.

i remember my ceramics teacher so well, how she was one of those old women who drank green and blue smoothies for breakfast and had expressive, abstract acrylic earrings. her art room was a mess, and it was always made worse by just how she lost everything all the time. you couldn't tell if it was grey hair or clay. she had the smallest, narrowest glasses you've ever seen, full of clay on them, too. all she wore was denim overalls, or flightsuits, and it looked nice on her. i think they fit her really well, and hid that she was skinnier than a normal spine.

she just sat me down—- i don't know how she saw me over the stack of massive sketchbooks on her table, the ones that she was grading them for her 2d drawing class—- and told me that.

"the reason why you're so let down by your own art is because you have expectations for it."

god, i was so embarrassed, crying in the middle of class. it was horrible. humiliating. i couldn't stop myself from crying from embarrassment.

i remember asking her, "isn't that the point?" because this was for a grade, i needed points, i needed all As in my classes because that was the only way in to get to the college that i wanted.

"you're being graded on intention, not the actual box. and you're having too much expectation of yourself to make a perfect box and it's hurting you. it doesn't need to be a perfect box. who are you making?"

she was so smart. she'd clocked immediately that i wasn't just making a random box, but rather a way-too-specific design. i told her that i was creating a character of mine.

"he doesn't need to be perfect. i hope he isn't perfect." she kept repeating that over and over again while i broke down in tears again. with one look at my sketchbook, she went: "oh. you don't even need to make a box. if the box isn't working, try making a hotpocket shape. show me that you're having fun. don't spend so much time trying to fix it."

i still have the ceramic i made. i've been digging through my drawers today looking for a notepad when i found him and i got shotblasted back into the past. it's not bad. it's a little broken, because there was always a girl who loved making things to break in the kiln, so some pieces are missing. my box can't even stand on it's own, either, because it tips forward from the weight (and causes it to break more).

i'm glad i made him, anyway. he's really important to me.