#oh deandra

[macdenlover]

we don’t acknowledge enough how dee used to be a pageant winner when she was a kid and how much damage it did to her. she worked her ass off and got recognition for being pretty and talented at a young age and it was the only source of self esteem she could garner in a family that constantly berated and talked down to her. she sought after that external approval because it was the only way she could prove everyone around her wrong. her dream of being a performer didn’t come from a self-aggrandizing delusion— she genuinely showed a lot of potential when she was younger. but she went through an unflattering puberty and her spinal condition got worse and that natural talent she had as a kid plateaued way too early. the “former gifted kid” dilemma. she slowly lost the thing that promised her that she was good, but she was so desperate to keep holding onto it that she tried anyway. again and again and again no matter how much people made fun of her because it was always about proving them wrong. but after a while she couldn’t jump anymore without anticipating the way it feels when she hits the ground face first. self-sabotage became her way out, choosing to rather live in the fantasy of her own unrealized potential and blaming those around her for her lack of success, than having tried and crashed again. she’d rather buy lottery tickets over and over and never scratch off the numbers than to see that she lost. that self-sabotaging behavior bled into other aspects of her life too, from friendships to relationships to therapy. her own short lived success is what made her grow into embodying the cycle of failure.

[killershrike]

you guys I have to admit to yall. I'm actually crazy. there is a dark side of me you haven't seen...

I like to take always sunny characters + lore seriously, I psychoanalyze them and then bring them to more extreme sides of the character while trying to keep always sunny vibe & humor. such as: I have a CharDen fic I've never posted which centres around Dennis murdering Jack Kelley for Charlie and bringing him the skin to show his love. yandere, obsessive, crazy, yes. but NOT that far from canon and I could tell you why i think so down to exact episodes + lines but I'll spare you my intense psychosis

[kazisonline]

This show is my guilty pleasure and chardee is my guilty pleasure toxic yuri and there's nothing I can do about it I'm sorry 😭😭

[novankenn]

Mom comes to Work Day! (From Assassin to Sales Clerk AU)

(A/N- Plot points from THIS by @rwby-encrusted-blog were used)

Deandra "Deery" Thistle rolled her eyes as she carried another case of Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flake Crunch towards the front display. At the counter, was her co-worker Blake Belladonna, she was sure she knew that name from somewhere, anyway not the point. The point is that while she was busting ass hauling stock out of the back, Blake was making goo-goo eyes at the blond girl that was leaning on the counter.

"She's a looker, but not my type." Deery muttered to herself as she started unboxed the cereal. "She better treat Blake good, though."

So as Deery muttered to herself while stocking the shelves, Blake was giggling as Yang regaled her with the most recent bet that Jaune, Ruby, Yang's sister, Yang had made while playing video games at the Arc Villa. A Bet that the trio ended up dragging Pyrrha in on.

"You should have seen her kitty-kat." Yang snorted. "Her face was so red I though she was going to shoot steam out of her ears!"

"Why was she so embarrassed?" Blake asked, a little annoyed at not getting the full story before the climax. "What happened? What was the bet?"

"Well were were playing Super-Mega-Ultimate-Edition Rumble Huntresses, so Ruby and Jaune started trash talking each other, and everyone on how epic they were." Yang's grin was infectious. "So they decided to have a round-robin tournament. Well you can't have one of those with only two players, and they didn't want to use bots.."

"So Ruby used her puppy-dog-eyes on you, and you caved."

"Not just her! Jaune uses them too, and I swear you not, paired together even the Brother Gods wouldn't be able to say no to them."

"So what was this bet?"

"The loser had to wear the winner's underwear on their head for rest of the night."

"Oh my gods! Did Pyrrha?"

"Yep!" Yang started to laugh, "Jaune won every match, and Pyrrha lost all of hers..."

"You have pics?" Blake asked her ears perked.

"Yep."

"Show...." the ding of a customer entering the store, had Blake instantly return to a more, professional persona. "Welcome to Pumpkin Pete's Nov... MOM!!!!"

"BLAKE!!! MY BABY!!!" howled an older faunus woman, who was the spitting image of the entirely flabbergasted young woman standing behind the counter.

"In coming!" Yang shouted as she back pedaled out of the way that was the black streak of Blake's mom crossing the floor.

"Blake... Blake... Blake..."

"It's okay mom. It's okay." Blake tried to console her overwhelmed mother as she was damn near pulling Blake over the counter with her hug. "It's okay."

After a minute or so Blake's mom, calmed down enough to release her daughter. After taking a couple of calming breaths, she fixed her gaze upon her daughter... and slapped her, hard! The sound of flesh striking flesh making both Yang and Deery jump.

"How DARE you make me think you were dead!" Blake's mom yelled. "Why didn't you call? Why didn't you tell me you were okay?"

"I'm so..."

Yang stepped in right after the second slap, cut off Blake's apology.

"Okay. Let's all take a deep breath, and let it out slowly. That's it. In and out. Nice and slow." Yang kept herself between the mother and daughter. "Alright, now that we've all had a chance to get centered, how about introductions? Blake?"

"Yang," still rubbing the side of her face, "This is my mom. kali Belladonna."

"Hello, Yang." Kali greeted the young blond woman. "I am sorry you had to see that, and I'm sorry I reacted that way Blake... but it's just been so long!"

"I'm sorry, mom. I am..." Blake's ears lay flat against her black hair. "Things just got so twisted... that I just kept putting talking to you off."

"Well it is better late then never. I'm glad your safe, though why are you in those clothes and standing behind the counter?"

"I'm working."

"Working? I thought you were still..." seeing the quick shake of Blake's head and her roll of her eyes towards Yang, Kali knew to shut up.

"What did you think my Kitty-Kat was, Mrs Belladonna?" Yang asked, making Blake blush.

"Travelling Remnant as a..."

"Acrobat!" Blake blurted out the first thing that popped into her head.

"Yes, yes. An acrobat."

"I thought you were a struggling writer?" Yang asked.

"I changed career paths. Acrobatics was too cut throat." Blake stammered out.

"Who would have thought." Yang responded. "The more you know."

"Question." Kali turned to look at Yang. "Why did you call my daughter Kitty-Kat? Is there some... special meaning to it?"

"Well sort of." Yang stammered. "I used to call her that a few years ago, and just fell right back into it when I ran into her here."

"I see." Kali studied Yang and Blake for a few moments. "Are you two... perhaps dating?"

Both young ladies blushed up a storm and mouthed words, unable to either confirm nor deny the accusation levied by Kali.

"They might as well be!" came an annoyed voice from behind the trio. "The way they be shooting looks and smiles at each other, just as bad as that Arc and Nikos couple!"

"Arc and Nikos..." Kali turned towards the voice, and froze. "DEERY?!?"

"Hi Kali." Deery shot Kali a smile before walking around the counter and placing a slightly possessive hand on Blake's shoulder. "Now I am all for reunions. I am. But Blake here has another six hours to go on her shift."

"I'll see you after your shift Blake. Yang pleasure to meet you, and Deery thank you for looking out for my daughter." Kali smiled as she slowly backed from the counter and made to leave the store.

"Well that's my que." Yang quipped. "If I don't see you tonight we'll meet up with Jaune and Pyrrha at the theatre around 8?"

"Sounds good." Blake shot Yang a warm smile, as the blond girl she once was going to kill left the store with a spring in her step. Though Blake's smile faltered when she saw her mom standing just outside of the store on her scroll. "Crap, there goes a quiet life."

"I don't think that call is about you." Deery commented. "And just an FYI. As long as you work here... I've got you back."

[kennysaysthings]

I love chardee friendship. I love you implication of the ending scene in “The waitress is getting married” when he finds out that not only was the waitress upset about Brad dumping her before the wedding BUT also that he was going to do it to Dee. I love you box of hornets. I love that Charlie is probably Dee’s bestfriend. I love the gang tends bar Deandra “I want Charlie to give me a valentine because I gave him one and I’m upset he hasn’t even hinted at making one” Reynolds. I love Charlie’s Dee song even though he was being forced to sing it. I love the “I love you” I love the “you said you loved me” scene. Oh my god I like Chardee when they are more than friends.

[stinky-fuck-swag]

Aaand here's the brackets!

Wacky ass formatting, i know- Matchups under the cut, polls will be starting soon!

(note: i know nothing about like. 80% of these characters. if their names or where theyre from is incorrect, just lmk cuz i have NOO IDEAA) also i am fully aware of every mistake made in this bracket. whoops

BRACKET A, SIDE A

Henry Oak (Dungeons and Daddies) VS Normal Oak (Dungeons and Daddies season 2

Zora Salazar (Epithet Erased) VS Stink (Epithet Erased)

Anders (Dragon Age) VS Isabela (Dragon Age)

Deandra the new girl (Most Popular Girls in School) VS Peach (real life)

Randy Jade (Dialtown) VS Phonegingi (Dialtown)

Stunky (Pokemon) VS Stinkeye (Yo-kai Watch)

Reigen Arataka (Mob Psycho 100) VS Dimple (Mob Psycho 100)

Moonbeam McSwine (Li'l Abner) VS Marc Spector (Marvel Comics)

Link (BOTW) VS Lt. Columbo (Columbo)

Yoda (Star Wars) VS Shaggy (Scooby Doo)

Dob the Half Orc Bard (Oxventure Dungeons and Dragons) VS Caleb Widogast (Critical Role campaign 2)

Shinjiro Aragaki (Persona 3) VS Ryuji Sakamoto (Persona 5)

Gyro Zepelli (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure) VS Guido Mista (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Tokkori (Kirby right back at ya) VS Jotaro Kujo (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Elon Musk (real life. sadly) VS Berdly (Deltarune)

Spamton G. Spamton (Deltarune) VS Susie (Deltarune)

BRACKET A, SIDE B

The Great Mighty Poo (Conker) VS The Poop Smith (Homestar Runner)

Michael Afton (Five Nights at Freddy’s) VS Springtrap (Five Nights at Freddy’s)

Manjoume Jun/Chazz Princeton (Yu-Gi-Oh! GX) VS Datz Are'bal (Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice)

Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) VS Humans in general (Star Trek)

Captain Rockhopper (Club Penguin) VS King Micah of Bright Moon (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Frank Gallagher (Shameless) VS Remus Sanders (Sanders Sides)

The Riddler (Batman: Arkham Knight) VS Power (Chainsaw Man)

Charlie Kelly (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) VS Every Dog (real life)

c!Technoblade (Dream SMP) VS c!Wilbur Soot (Dream SMP)

Harrier Du Bois (Disco Elysium) VS Bruno Madrigal (Encanto)

Submitters Brother (real life) VS Prosperity Redding (The Dreadful Tale of Prosper Redding)

Izutsumi (Dungeon Meshi) VS Goobleck (Just Roll With It)

Enoch O'Connor (Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children) VS Smores (real life)

Lady Macbeth (Macbeth) VS Erik (The Phantom of the Opera (Andrew Lloyd Webber musical & movie))

The Voters (Tumblr) VS Equius Zahhak (Homestuck)

Rotten Apple (Showvember) VS Loki (real life)

BRACKET B, SIDE A

Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes) VS Smudge (Cascão) (Monica’s Team (Turma da Monica))

Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street) VS Stinky Pete (Toy Story 2)

Toko Fukawa (Danganronpa) VS L (Death Note)

Stink Bomb (Skylanders: SWAP Force) VS Slugcat (Rain World)

Thorfinn (Vinland Saga) VS Vice (Kamen Rider Revice)

Dr. Iceberg (SCP Foundation) VS Dr. Alto Clef (SCP Foundation)

Ash Ketchum (Pokemon) VS Doug Eiffel (Wolf 359)

Estinien Wyrmblood (Final Fantasy XIV) VS Alphinaud Leveilleur (Final Fantasy XIV)

Raphael Hamato (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) VS Gobber (How To Train Your Dragon)

Keaton (Fire Emblem Fates) VS Sniper (Team Fortress 2)

Bill Lenz (Black Christmas 1974) VS Stinkor (Masters of the Universe)

The Sewer Urchin (The Tick (1994 Animated Series)) VS Macaque (Lego Monkie Kid)

Barfbat (Ward (Parahumans series)) VS Kevin (Synthesizer V)

Yellowfang (Warrior Cats) VS Big Mac (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Heppokomaru (Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo) VS Captain 3 (Splatoon 3)

Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls) VS Linus (Stardew Valley)

BRACKET B, SIDE B

Jeong-Jeong (Avatar: The Last Airbender) VS Pigpen (Peanuts)

Beelzebub (Good Omens) VS Stinkfly (Ben 10)C

Hiravias (Pillars of Eternity) VS Chell (Portal)

Murdoc Niccals (Gorillaz) VS Bacterian (Dragon Ball)

Captain K'nuckles (The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack) VS Kimchi (Chowder)

Stinky (Moomins) VS Stinky (Animal Crossing)

Mitchell Shephard (Hunt Down the Freeman) VS Melly Plinius (Identity V)

Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece) VS Yato (Noragami)

THAT FUCKING THING IN YOUR BANNER (my banner lol) VS Harold (Fallout 1, 2, and 3)

Barik of the Stone Shields (Tyranny) VS Samuel Gladiator (Yandere High School (minecraft roleplay))

John Hart (Torchwood) VS Orochimaru (Naruto)

Dung Defender/Ogrim (Hollow Knight) VS Zane (Borderlands)

Pumbaa (The Lion King) VS Enki (Fear and Hunger)

Goro Majima (Yakuza) VS Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy)

Finn Mertins (Farmworld) (Adventure Time) VS John Doe (John Doe / John Doe+)

Dipper Pines (Gravity Falls) VS Ed Sheeran (ginger people fandom)

[jessilynallendilla]

The Most Popular Girls in School Quotes Without Context Season 1

“I want to poop here. Whenever I want, for as long as I want.” 

“I’ll be watching you.” “I’m going to poop now.” 

“Have fun smelling my poops, bitches!” 

“Was it slutty of me to give you a hand job last night?"

“Hey, if I watch an episode of Glee and an episode of Gossip Girl, can I get a blow job instead?” 

“God, I want to fucking murder you.” 

“What the fuck is a growler?”  

“Well then, I’ll gladly tell all the student bodies of Wichita State, Kansas and San Diego State, that you eat dick burritos.” 

“Suck my dick!” “Ok.” “What!?-” “Drop trou, I’ll suck your dick right now!” “Dude, that was an expression! Right? Am I right? That’s an expression, right guys?” 

“I’ll suck all your dicks right now!” 

“I’m a real man! I’m not afraid!” 

“Yeah, he’s definitely gay.” “He’s gay.” “We had an assembly about it.” 

“One last question...how come Matthew Daringer doesn’t have a penis or testicles?” 

“Jesus Christ, is that a fucking Gremlin?” “No, I’m a third grader.” 

“Rea-really? We talked, you pooped, I thought we had a connection.” 

“Wait, wait a minute, you lost control of the girl’s bathrooms?! Where the fuck am I supposed to shit now?” “Oh, you can go to the Jack in the Box across the street.” 

“We’ll I’m twenty-seven and still living with my parents in Overland Park. I have an art history degree from night school. My cat just died. I’ve lost 25% control of my sphincter muscles. I get a clicking sound in my jaw when I eat. I drive a ‘91 Dodge Neon. I have ovarian cysts. Sometimes I pee the bed still. I have alopecia. The only man who wants to fuck me is my 48-year-old manager at Pizza Street. PS, he only has one ball. So, I guess, better than you.”  

“No! Girls! On HBO! Kind of like Gossip Girl, but more tits.” 

“She said this is easier, you know, she said she just gets really emotional when she’s pregnant. And drunk.” 

“My mom said it’s about time people start feeling sorry for me.” 

“I won your card fair and square, so hand it ower before I bitch swap the bwack out of you.” 

*hit with a Hackey-Sack* “Aaah! Son of a bitch! Bastard! Aaah! God! Why me? Why me? Why? Does God hate me? Oh Jesus Christ!” 

“Oh my God I feel like I’m having an abortion!” 

“Mikayla, I’m six feet tall and weigh 105 pounds. I think I know how to mix x-lax into a fucking drink, ok?” 

“Mommy, what did you used to drink when you were a cheerleader?” “Squeez-its and Zima, why?” 

“Fuck it right it in the ass.” “No lube!” “Fisting!” “With a big black dildo!” The biggest!” 

“And don’t get me started on Pakistan. Ahmedinijad, am I right?” 

*principle making announcements* “And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, I know I’m excited, my nipples are hard.” 

“’Oh yes! Oh, fuck yes! Who else is wet in here?” 

“I’m sorry, was I not just in the middle of a story?” “Yeah, but I wasn’t really that interested in it.”  

“Do you like making me look like a dickhole? Do you?” “You want me to say no, right?” 

“She may be a dirty fucking slut but at least she’s ours.” 

“Deandra, you’re a member of this family, you poop with us!” “Uh no. Deandra, you’re a cheerleader. You shit with us!”  

*waving amputated arms* “These are a little girl’s arms!” 

“How could you do this to us? You literally bombed us. Like the Japanese you are.” 

“Oh my, somebody’s going to be walking very funny tomorrow morning.” 

“The babies you make tonight are going to be so stupid.” 

“I swear, if I was into ladies, I’d be elbow deep in you right now.” “Hello.” 

“I’m being paid fifty dollars to stand here. Not talk to Rick Taylor’s bottom. Go away now.” 

“You look like a tampon that was dipped in skittles and vomit.” “Thank you.” 

“I get to run a hundred meters in the Special Olympics, I lost like twenty-seven pounds-” “Oh my god! What is your secret?” “...I had my arms ripped off.” 

“Well, I gave every boy in the school a blowjay!” 

"Um, Tanner, aren’t you gay?” "That’s a woman!?” 

[andromedism]

top five sunny playlists (i know your spotify contains multitudes, erin)

oh anon - and if it does, what then?

1. husbands (divorced) for macdennis brainrot

2. terrible people for general sunny vibes

3. do you know about the macden complimentary playlists i made a few months ago in a fugue state

4. viva la vulva for deandra (with love)

5. big feelings for a lil pathetic dennis moment

[superangsty]

re: your wips ask game: the gang gets what they want 👀

ask about one of my WIPs based on the file name!

okay SO this is an iasip au where like the gang never really became The Gang bc well. they got what they wanted. so Charlie is a lawyer and he's got two kids with the waitress, Dee is a famous comedian and she's married to Josh Groban, Dennis is a veterinarian and stayed married to Maureen and Mac is just kinda. vibing. bc to be quite honest I am NOT gonna let him be a karate champion and the ony other thing he's ever really wanted is Dennis. so.

Here's a bit of the Dee POV section

---

Dee’s phone rings and she groans, hoping it’ll go away if she ignores it long enough. She’d apparently forgotten to shut the curtains in her hotel room last night because the sun is streaming in and practically blinding her, already aggravating her shitty hangover.

The ringing stops, and she’s about to put a pillow over her head and try go back to sleep when it starts up again.

She picks it up and it’s a facetime call from her asshole brother, so she wipes her face, flattens down her hair, and answers.

“Dennis, what is it,” she groans. Her mouth feels dry, thank god for the glass of water on her bedside table with some Advil. She swallows it down, then continues. “It’s like… eight in the morning.”

“Eight is a perfectly reasonable time to wake up, Deandra,” says Dennis. His voice is enough to give her a headache on a regular day, but this… She fumbles to turn down the volume of the call. “Anyway, it’s twelve here, and I need to talk to you.”

She blinks. “Talk to your therapist. Talk to your wife, I don’t give a shit.”

Dennis does a manic laugh that seems to surpass the volume limit she’s just set, and it’s enough to snap her to attention, at least. He only sounds like that when he’s spiralling about something.

Still, it’ll probably freak him out more if she tries to be nice to him, so instead she says “keep it down, asshole, you’re gonna wake up Josh.”

She reaches a hand out to the other side of the bed and oh, her husband’s not there. Huh. He must’ve got up already, that explains the water and the painkillers. God, he’s weird. She rolls out of bed and shuffles out to the other room in their suite, flopping down onto a couch instead.

“Josh is there?” Dennis asks, “I didn’t know he was coming with you on tour.”

“He’s not,” Dee replies, rolling her eyes. “He flew out to surprise me for our anniversary.”

Dennis blinks. “That’s… sweet.”

“Ugh.”

There’s a moment’s pause, and Dee’s ready to hang up if he doesn’t get to the point already, when he says “so can we talk about my thing now?”

She waves a hand for him to go ahead, but it’s out of the camera’s line of sight so when he doesn’t continue she says “yeah, whatever.”

“I ran into Mac the other day.”

“Mac…” now there’s a name that means literally nothing to her. Less than nothing, if she’s being honest.

“From high school?”

Dee just keeps looking at Dennis blankly. It seems important, maybe she should know this. Maybe she does know it, she’s just too hung over to remember right now.

“For god’s sake, Dee, you did a whole bit about him in your special last year.”

“What –” she racks her brains. That was a good special, she’d gotten a bunch of awards for it. “Ronnie the rat? Is that who you’re talking about?”

“Yes, Dee.”

“Well why couldn’t you just say that!”

[kdnotkevindurant]

Mikayla: Don't worry, I've got this.

Deandra: What the fuck was that?

Mikayla: It was me, Mikayla Van Buren!

Deandra: Oh, Jesus Christ! Is that a fucking Gremlin?

Mikayla: No. I'm a third grader.

Deandra: Whatever, just no one feed that fucking thing after midnight.

[goodheartt]

@utallige sent : " can you not be a shameless manslut for three seconds, dennis? " (from dee!!!)

wide eyes glare at his sister, lips forming a tight line as he thinks over how exactly he wants to respond. they could flat out deny that they were behaving in any such way, but that wouldn't work. dennis wasn't exactly shy when it came to flirting with people ... and his sexual exploits. "oh, you've resorted to slut shaming now deandra ?? even for you, that is low." he rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he makes a soft 'tisk'. "how dare you ask me to repress my true self ... in this day and age too !! shame on you dee, shame on you."

[kazisonline]

I know during season 8 episode 10 " Reynold vs Reynold " Dee looking at Charlie be all lawyer-y, and Charlie looking at Dee being the same, both thought "oh my god she's so hot I can't NOT fuck her"

Bonus: also, Frank saying " Deandra's gonna side with Dennis, that's a given " did something to me. I love them, but still, Dee should get to kill Dennis a little bit

[novankenn]

The Enigma

(A snippet from A Mafia & From Assassin to Sales Clerk AUs.)

Blake Belladonna once a feared close quarters specialized assassin, turned over-worked, underpaid sales clerk for Pumpkin Pete's Novelty Store... was intrigued. Deandra Thistle her co-worker slash supervisor just gave her a feeling that made her... wary.

Now it was nothing outwardly. Denadra who insisted everyone call her Deery treated Blake well. She was an attentive person, and had on more than one occasion less that subtly informed Blake that as long as she was staff, she would have her back.

From all outward appearances Deery was a cheerful, hard worker, who took pride in her job. It was only when you looked her dead in the eyes that things... felt off. For someone who presented themselves as so approachable, those eyes underscored that Deery was someone you didn't want to mess with. they were cold, lifeless and empty. The only place or time Blake had ever seen eyes like that was during "Shark Week".

So Deery had become a topic of interest and conversation with Pyrrha a former rival for contracts... now friend? Acquaintance? Anyway in their on going chat, the subject of Deery always came up.

(BB signed in) (PN signed in)

BB: So we had a customer come in to the store today... PN: You work retail... that is not a strange occurrence, but then considering where you work... BB: Do not bad mouth the store, or I'll let Jaune know there is a new set of hoodies and another series of Sche-Pops being released. PN: DON'T YOU DARE! BB: Don't think I will have to anyway. Seeing as he ALWAYS seems to know what's happening with Pumpkin Peter merch. PN: I can't believe the amount of lien he wastes there! BB: Don't see you complaining much about the hoodie. You look cute BTW wearing it everywhere when you're with Jaune. PN: NEW topic! BB: Okay. Anyway this customer came in, and normally it doesn't matter who serves, but this guy was adamant to only speak to Deery about a "lay away"... which was strange because we don't offer that service... as far as I know. PN: That is strange... what happened? BB: Well Deery shooed me away, to the back room, and started talking real quiet to this guy. PN: That it? BB: Well I missed most of it, because I had to go get some stock from the back, but when I returned I saw him hand her a thankyou card sized red envelope. PN: Red envelope? That's old school. BB: You really think Deery is... in the business? PN: She's scary enough to be. BB: The eyes? PN: The eyes. BB: Well that was it, and when I tried to ask about "lay away" she just brushed me off. Went to the staff room and then came back. PN: Maybe we're reading too much into it? I mean what are the chances? BB: You're right. SO ready for the "date"? Get any good advice from Saphron? PN: Sort of. She said to just myself. Take it slow, and dress casual. She likes seeing me in the hoodie too. BB: LOL PN: Don't laugh or I'll talk Jaune into getting you and Yang matching ones. MEH! BB: Oh yeah?

(Image sent)

PN: DELETE THAT PIC RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BB: NO. You look too cute with jaune's boxers on your head! Might be a sign for things to come? PN: DO NOT MAKE ME KICK YOU ASS! BB: LOL. PN: I MEAN IT! BB: Won't matter if I did. Yang has the original. PN: FUCK!!! This is SO embarrassing!!!!!!! BB: Don't worry Pyrrha. Only us four know about it. We're your friends, we won't do you dirty like that, sharing it public. PN: Are we really... friends? BB: I would like to be... but maybe we can work up to it? besides what friends HAVEN'T tried to kill each other? PN: I have no idea. This whole... relationship, and friends thing is really confusing. Like am I REALLY with Jaune? Does he like me, like I think I like him? BB: Only one way to know for sure... ask him.

(PN signed out.) BB: Rude.

(BB signed out)

Blake signed as she put her scroll away and tried to focus on her job. It was a really slow day, but closing time was only about forty-five minutes away, so that was a good thing. The time dragged on, and soon cash-out and end-of-day had been completed.

"You good to lock up Blake?" Deery asked as she came out of the back carrying a large black duffle bag. "I have an appointment to get to."

"Sure." Blake answered, while eyeing the bag. "See you tomorrow?"

"Bright and early." Deery replied as she grabbed her bag and walked out the door.

"Nah." Blake commented to herself. "Not a chance."

[pollencoveredman]

went a bit mad after seeing this thought hey lets write a little fic which spiralled into 1.4k words of trash twins nonsense

“hey, i think he’s waking up,” dee whisper-shouts across the apartment to frank, who’s preparing a bowl of fruit in the kitchen.

“thank fuck for that,” frank mutters as he sets everything down on the coffee table, taking a seat on the floor. “thought he’d croaked.”

dee rolls her eyes, but she feels her stomach turn at the thought of such a thing. “don’t be dramatic, of course he’s not dead.”

“dead? who’s…” the weak voice behind them is suddenly interrupted by a series of harsh, dry coughs, followed by a groan and an, “oh, jesus christ.”

“hey, den,” dee says softly, turning around and taking hold of her brother’s shaking hand. “how you doing?”

dennis attempts to sit up, but moving his head even an inch is enough to make the room spin. he brings a hand up to clutch his head, the other subconsciously digging its fingernails into dee’s skin.

“hey, no, take it easy,” she whispers as she runs a calming hand over his palm. “frank, pillow.”

“what… what happened?” dennis chokes out, trembling fingers rubbing at his sore throat as frank wordlessly passes a fluffy cushion over to dee. “hurts,” he mumbles to himself, wincing at the ache that seems to run through his whole body.

dee’s careful, gentle as possible as she places the throw under dennis’s head, propping him up a little. she takes a good look at him — white as a sheet, lips chapped and bloody, dark circles surrounding his bloodshot eyes. frowning, she runs a hand through his hair as he looks at her with the caliber of a deer caught in headlights.

she ignores the pang in her chest that strikes as he leans into her touch and carries on valiantly. “well, you didn’t eat for three days, made yourself sick and passed out on the floor of the bar. think you hit your head pretty hard. you’ve been out cold for an hour; had to drive you back to my place.”

“mm… why?”

dee blinks slowly. “why? ‘cause you’re a stupid vain asshole.”

dennis’s face crumples a little, and dee wants to kick herself. she doesn’t want to be mean, she really doesn’t, not when her brother’s in this state, but the guy’s such a dick to her all the time that it’s like a second nature at this point.

“deandra, come on,” frank sighs heavily. “your sister’s right though, den. you gotta stop doing that shit to yourself, kiddo.”

“dad, go home. i know how to handle this.” dee mumbles, not taking her eyes off dennis and the way he’s blankly staring at the wall.

“i’m his dad!”

dee scoffs. “you were never there! always out banging some skank, drinking yourself into oblivion while dennis was home puking his guts up— do you know how hard it is to deal with this guy when he’s sick?” she pauses to take a breath and frank opens his mouth to speak, but he’s swiftly cut off. “wh— what am i saying, of course you don’t. ‘cause you were never around.”

she chokes back the lump in her throat, tears pricking at her eyes. “get out of my apartment.”

frank raises his hands up as he stands, as if to say he’s not the one to blame, that it’s all their whore mother’s fault, that maybe if dennis grew up a little he wouldn’t have to rely on his barely-older sister for every little thing.

dee sighs heavily once he’s left, cursing under her breath, and feels her heart doing cartwheels as she turns to see dennis, shaking with fingers plugging his ears, breath laboured and uneven.

“oh, dennis,” she mutters. “i’m— i’m sorry, were we too loud?”

he curls up into the fetal position, shivering. “just… everything. everything hurts.”

“here,” she helps his hands find their way around a glass of cold water, and he winces as the condensation drips onto his fingers. “sit up.”

he does so, quiet and docile, taking a tentative sip. it’s like ice shooting down his spine, a feeling so foreign after days without it.

“you think you can manage to eat a little?” dee asks, once he’s downed half the glass.

dennis thinks for a moment, picking at a loose thread on the seam of the couch. he shakes his head, inhaling sharply when it makes the room spin again. “feel sick,” he mumbles, avoiding his sister’s gaze.

dee sighs. she knows he won’t go down easy, but she’s got twenty-something years of experience looking after him, even at his most stubborn. even when they were just kids, eight, nine years old, he’d come to her when their mom was passed out on the couch, never really for anything in particular, just for the attention he so desperately craved. they turned thirteen, and suddenly barbara decided they’d grown out of being taken care of, that her children being ill was no longer pitiful and endearing, but disgusting and certainly not something she wanted to be involved with. 

from then onwards, during the winter, dennis would spend days on end curled up in dee’s bed, clinging onto his stuffed elephant like a lifeline, down with whatever cold or flu had worked its way through their school that year.

it was never that pleasant, trying to sleep through his incessant whining and sniffling, or all the times during college she’d had to drive him to hospital for some ridiculous injury after getting a little too drunk at a party, but she knew she was the only one willing to put up with him, and it’s been that way for as long as she can remember. maybe less so ever since he moved in with mac, which she’s infinitely grateful for, but sometimes she needs to save him from being tea-bagged by his own roommate after passing out from starvation.

she sets the bowl of fruit down on his lap, taking a slice of apple out for herself. “c’mon, please, just a few bites. you’ll feel so much better, i promise.” her unoccupied hand rests on his back, rubbing calming circles into the wrinkled fabric of his sweater.

dennis groans softly and nibbles hesitantly at an orange slice, and he can’t quite comprehend the relief that washes over him as he swallows something solid for the first time in what feels like an eternity.

“good?”

he nods, smiling weakly and reaching for another piece. dee watches contently as he eats, keeping a careful eye on him in case something doesn’t quite sit right. he’s the world’s slowest chewer, but she’s just glad he’s keeping things down. 

“hey, um,” she starts once he’s managed a few more grapes — cut in half, because better safe than sorry, right? 

stupid mac and his stupid worries about stupid dennis and his stupid eating habits.

“i’m sorry i said you looked fat.”

dennis sets the bowl back on the table, expression blank and unchanging. “s’fine,” he says around a mouthful of kiwi. “i’m always giving you shit about how you look.”

“i know, but—” dee sighs, edging in a little closer. “i didn’t mean to make you starve yourself. that’s, like, borderline evil, den, i’m really sorry.”

he shrugs, resting his head on her shoulder. “i said it’s fine,” he says, so uncharacteristically nonchalant.

“god, you are really out of it, aren’t you?” dee laughs. 

“m’tired,” dennis whines, and his tone of voice is almost comically akin to that of his teenage self, stumbling into dee’s bedroom after a particularly nasty fever dream.

“i know, buddy,” dee says, clicking her tongue. “hey, go sleep in my bed, okay? i’ll take the couch tonight.”

dennis blinks. “but—”

dee grins, suddenly amused by how pathetic her brother looks. “i’m kidding, dickwad, we’re sharing. it’s what we do, right?”

“yeah. yeah, it’s what we do.”

he’s curled up under dee’s duvet within minutes, clinging onto her arm in lieu of mr. tibbs. he still hasn’t forgiven her for so cruelly decapitating him, and he doesn’t ever intend to, but right now, he thinks the good outweighs the unforgivable.

“thank you,” he says weakly, voice barely a whisper, muffled under the comforter.

“s’okay,” dee says with a smile. “i missed this. taking care of my stupid little brother.”

“you have got to stop with that; we’re twins—”

“shh, shh, go to sleep, okay?” her demeanor is a familiar one — being undoubtedly pissed off with him, but loving him and wanting to look after him nonetheless.

dennis wouldn’t have it any other way. 

might fucking cry actually i just noticed dee is feeding dennis nuts in the background of exploits a miracle

[ez-ra-zed]

Sometimes I feel like I become characters from the shows I watch. I used to talk exactly like Deandra from Most Popular Girls in School, cuz I watched the fuck out of that as did my friends. On Halloween once I was Deandra with a white dress and a blonde wig, we were stoned and some old lady kindly asked "How's the Pot?"

Some straight guys cat called me and then were like "OH SHIT IS THAT A DUDE?"

Some lady asked if I was Marilyn Monroe and I was like, "No, I'm Deandra" in Deandra's voice and she looked so confused

Bitch was like "Everyone knows your from Montreal," to this French bitch Saison - as if French people aren't from Montreal. Like? That plot was so thick, amazing story line

[badnew2005]

dee and dennis reynolds in chalie wants an abortion (iasip 1x2)