#oh and steve o and johnny are here too I guess

[tonymarias]

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP STEPHANIE IS HERE

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Fun in the Sun(shine state)

Filming for the first movie brings our cast or merry idiots to the sunshine state. Despite the fact they aren’t in international waters, they still find a way to wreak havoc, wether that be by fooling around with alligators or getting into trouble at nightclubs…and guess who has to pick up the pieces.

Johnny Knoxville X Gn!Reader

(Fluff)

7.8k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, alcohol, drug use, vomit, sex toys, injury, fighting, public urination, strip teases, wet-t-shirt contests

An: Yet annother installment for Manager!Y/N!! Fun fact: besides Jackass, my second biggest interest is theme parks, particularly those in Europe and the U.S!! Over the summer, I visited Orlando and got to experience Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, which served as a major inspiration for writing this fic! Anyways, thank you for reading and please keep those requests coming! My inbox is never closed ;)

You knew that Steve’s apartment, the base of operations for his multi-year bender, would be a shitshow before they sent you in to grab his lazy ass. See, the crew had gotten to Orlando without any major casualties, and the only person who you hadn’t picked up at this point was Mr. O who, despite the last hour of calling him, hadn’t answered his phone once. But when he answered the door wearing only his boxers, you didn’t expect his place to be that bad. Immediately upon him answering the door, you were hit by this brick wall of Jack and weed stink as you took a quick skim around the room, whose decoration started and ended with open pizza boxes, towers of artfully piled up empty beer cans, and yellow fly strips hanging from the ceiling. Looking you up and down, Steve leaned against the doorframe and raised a flirty eyebrow, too fucked up to recognize you, “Hey, baby…You here for a piece of the ole Steve-o?”

So you had to explain very calmly and sweetly, despite how badly you wanted to grab both of his shoulders and vigorously shake him, that you weren't one of his groupies, “No, Steve- your friends are waiting outside for you. You’re gonna start on the new movie today, remember?” There was a moment where you could see the realization cross his face as he only then recognized you as his manager. “Oh... Oh! So you’re not here for a little…? No? But, hey- lemme get some clothes on!” Not bothering to close the door behind him, Steve turned his back to you as he grabbed a shirt from his couch, sniffing it before shaking his head and tossing it to the side. “Hey, if you wanna drink, there’s beer in the fridge!” Watching him scrounging around in the pile of old laundry in the dim apartment, you politely declined, “Yeah, I’m alright- but thanks though…” Everyone was all high fives and ‘what’s up, dude?’s when Steve finally arrived at the cherry red rental van, which was a nightmare for you to procure and insure, but we won’t discuss that. What everyone was talking about, however, was this stunt they had planned for later that day, something you didn’t pay too much attention to. God, why didn’t you listen?

Your bags were still sitting unpacked in your room by the time the guys started causing problems at the motel- which was maybe the filthiest one on I-Drive, which is a damn filthy thoroughfare to begin with. This is what stuck up Europeans imagine what America looks like: a dense bazaar of gas stations, fast food chains, and shithole motels much like the place you were set up at. Speaking of shitholes, that’s where you found Steve after you rushed out of your room to see what the commotion was- a literal shithole. Well, it was a drainage ditch that had sewage runoff, which you could only guess the crew assumed to also contain alligators, which it didn’t. Running down the concrete steps, you yelled at the idiots who were clustered around where Steve was wobbling around on his unicycle on the bank of the ditch. “What the hell are you guys doing?” Turning around with the handicam still angled towards the spectacle, Johnny flashed that signature, genuine grin at you, “We’re filmin’ for ‘Swamp Unicycling’! Y’wanna come watch?”

See, you won’t be that upset about this if you hadn’t already made arrangements with the nearby Gator Golf and Adventure Park to film this very stunt. It was this huge mini golf course with a mountain, and a faux waterfall, and oh yeah, they also had alligators. You spent two hours on the phone talking with some guy called the Gator Crusader trying to convince him to take time out of his day to humor you and let you film with his gators, now you’d have to call Mr. Gator Crusader back up to say sorry, but we don’t need you- we’ve got a filthy pit behind our hotel that did the trick. You shook your head, a bit irate, “No, no- I take my eyes off of you for one minute, and here you are-“ Your words were cut off by Steve retching, clamoring out of the ditch looking like the swamp thing before losing his balance and falling backwards as if he endured a shotgun blast to the stomach, landing with a splash of murky, rank shit water. Right around when you were going to point out the possibility of Jeff stumbling upon this, he scrambled to his feet and bolted towards you like a bat out of hell. Of course you couldn’t let that thing catch you, so there you were, a professional working for MTV, getting chased by a grown man dripping with sewage, only pausing periodically to vomit at his own stench before resuming the chase.

They had to ask the hotel manager to use the hose to clean Steve off outside, because there was no way they’d let him into the room in the state he was in. By the time the ensuing water fight calmed down and everyone was left dripping wet, the mosquitos were out and it had gotten dark, which brought to discussion the same conversation they had every time they were on the road when it came to sleeping arrangements, because they were always hard to determine when you had five guys to a room. Steve, as usual, got the shit end of the stick when it came to bed rights, “Why do you always get a bed?” The two lovebirds, Bam and Ryan, had long since claimed one of the two twin beds and were laying right up next to each other, stared at him as if he said something completely out of left field. Dunn shrugged, “We’re bros. Bros sleep together!” That word choice, coupled with the fact that everyone was half naked, didn’t make what he said sound any better, and of course the room erupted into laughter. Johnny and Chris had the other bed, after the latter called shotgun, leaving Steve to resign himself to the couch with a grumble, “Fine, just gimme a pillow...” Bam hurled one at him with a snicker, “You still smell like all that swamp shit!” “C’mon- I took a shower!” Johnny grabbed the TV remote, cracking a grin, “Yeah right, O. We hosed you off like the dog back there!”

It was around nine or ten, while you were getting ready for bed, the buzz of the sputtering AC unit humming in your ears, when you got that call from Ryan. “Hey, Y/N- where’d they hide the mini bar in this place?” Mini bar? You’re staying at the Super 8, and they thought there would be a mini bar! You laughed out loud before hanging up the phone, not giving him an answer. Bam leaned over Ryan’s shoulder as if to listen in, “So, where’s the mini bar at?” Despite the fact they were at a hotel that was thirty dollars a night, the crew seemed convinced that somewhere in that room was a hidden stack of tiny liquors, just under their noses. “They won’t tell me.” “Well, keep lookin’!” Johnny, the voice of reason here, didn’t join in on the search, stretching back on the bed with his hands behind his head, “Y’aint gonna find one…” However, not all hope was lost. They always had that liquor store Steve saw on the drive in…

After pulling up to the sketchy looking liquor store, Ryan and Steve went in to go pick up the booze while the other guys sat in the car like kids waiting for mom to finish up her errands. After a few minutes, the van door slid open with a whoosh and the men began loading the cases of beer into the car. “Dude- where’s my Jack?” Bam, looked the two up and down as if they were secretly holding a bottle of the liquor he asked them to grab behind one of their backs. Steve jabbed a finger behind him and snickered, “It's back at the store.If you want it so bad, get it yourself dude!” Chris got out to help Ryan with loading the beers in the van as Bam weakly argued, his words hushed, “No way! I’m gonna get shot in there, man!” Even with the cracked bulletproof glass and the flickering neon signs out front, Steve knew the chances of him actually being held up outside of I-Drive Liquor were pretty slim. Still, Bam was a skater, and he doesn’t get shot, so he’d have to settle for beer.

This explains the little beer parade that passed in front of the door to your room that night while you were still seething over that thing earlier with the swamp water. One by one, single file, a case in each hand. You scoffed at the display- they had to be up in seven hours, and they were drinking? “Seriously, guys?” Ryan, who was at the end of the pack, took a swig of the can he got from the open case he was lugging before holding it out to you, “Y’want one?” The only response you gave was slamming your door. Unbelievable…

As always, the mood the morning after a night of drinking is never as high as the night before. Sitting in the parking lot of your hotel, all blue and alluring, was the holy grail of restaurants: the International House of Pancakes. That’s where the guys ate and discussed their plans for the day, stuffed in one booth, huddled around their food. Johnny chewed a bite of his biscuits and gravy, glancing around to the other guys, “Well, since we’re gonna be at the beach, how about let’s knock out ‘Butt Bead Ass Kite’?” Clearly not looking forward to it, Bam groaned, putting his fork down, “C’mon, man- why can’t we just do, like- Preston as a mermaid or somethin’?” Chris, who was just fellating a sausage he stole from Bam’s plate, chuckled, “Cause the butt stuff’s funny! I mean-” He turned to Steve, “we’re still filmin’ ‘Butt Chug’ tonight, right?” See, this is when people started taking notice of what they were talking about. Taking a sip of his black coffee, a very hungover Steve-O nodded, not too excited to have a plastic tube shoved up his ass for whatever reason. Ryan, who was in even worse shape than him, rubbed his temples to try and quell his thrumming headache. And while everyone involved in this conversation thought nothing of it, the many families also eating in this IHOP did, and after a few people complained a waitress had to stop them mid conversation about this new stunt idea Knoxville had called ‘Dildo Tricks’, and let them know that, while she likes a good dildo story, they might want to cool it down a a bit.

By grace of them actually working on a real movie set, there was a driver scheduled to pick the guys up from the hotel, so the trouble they could cause wasn’t really on your mind that morning due to the fact they managed to get their asses up and out the door without you pushing them along. In fact, you hadn’t woken up until you got a call from a very panicked for-hire driver to let you know that, since the van was rented in your name, you were responsible for paying the twenty nine-thousand dollars worth of damages. This is what you could gathered about what went down:

Chris was the spark that lit this powder keg- well, Chris’ IPod was. See, he usually got the aux by default when they traveled anywhere, and while everything was pretty quiet and relaxed for a while, he knew that if he put on the right song, he could really get things going in that van, which would be good considering they had nearly an hour on the road ahead of them. That song ended up being Livewire by Motley Crue. Now maybe the bump of coke Steve did off the side of his hand in the backseat had something to do with what happened next, but it was as if a switch flipped in his head as soon as that riff kicked in. The right soundtrack, and these men turn into fucking animals. Suddenly no longer hungover, Steve was bouncing around as if he were a pinball- back of the van, front of the van- at lightning speeds! And then, if it couldn’t get worse, there came the property destruction…

It started with Steve, as he clawed open a seat cushion with the help of a glass beer bottle and let the fluffy wisps of upholstery tumble out, but soon after it was Ryan who, after ripping off a side panel of the van and in the flurry of excitement and adrenaline, ended up punching a pipe that just so happened to be where the Freon for the AC ran. There was this evil hiss from the back seat, before the van was filled with yellowish smokey shit and Fiber Fill. That’s where the driver tried to intervene and politely ask them to stop, but the only response he received was Bam gleefully donkey-kicking a window out and someone, the driver couldn't tell who, pissing on his shoulder. The only two people not participating in this were Johnny and Chris, with the former trying to sink into his seat to escape the chaos that surrounded them, and the latter marveling at everything that was happening.

Now, keep in mind for this next part of the story that this was entirely occurring while they were on the freeway. Steve then, in some inhuman feat he definitely learned in clown school, sprung up to grip the headliner like a cat, ripping the damn thing off while still bouncing around the moving vehicle, Superball fast. Said liner fell on the poor driver’s head and smashed his face into the steering wheel. So there they were, swerving around in this giant van on I-95, and the whole time everyone was laughing and having a great time as if they were watching football on TV instead of skinning a van.

And it didn’t end once they got to their destination- nooo, of course it didn’t. For some reason, Bam thought it was a great idea to, while the driver was distracted calling to report the damages, take his skateboard to the top of a nearby parking garage and ollie off of the rooftop to smash into the windshield, with Steve’s justification that if he was in his shoes, he wouldn’t take that window callin’ him a bitch. So Bam did this Superfly Snuka jump, landing elbow first for the glass to shatter into the van, flock of pigeons style. That’s when the hired driver decided to quit.

Ryan was still shaking shards of glass out of his hair as you lined them up on the balcony outside the room after they got back. You gave them the lecture of a lifetime, “Are you guys grown children or something? I mean- I leave you alone for one morning, and what do you do?” Johnny was going to butt in and say he had nothing to do with this, but it was a rhetorical question. “You caused thirty thousand dollars worth of damages to the rental van- and that’s going to come out of the studio’s pockets!” Bam, who was still smeared with random blood (hopefully not Steve’s) from earlier, whined as if you were being some unreasonable bitch, “Well, things happen! We got a bit outta’ control! Chill out, damn…” Dunn said something to the effect of them having ‘movie money’ now but, instead of reassuring you, it only served to make you more frustrated with them. Groaning, you raked a hand through your hair in frustration, “It's not about money! It’s about your behavior and my responsibility for you.”

“Jeez…they sound like Ape.” Even though Bam spoke all hushed to his buddy to deliver that quip, you could definitely hear him. Turning to you, Ryan sighed, “Yeah, sorry mom…” Throwing your hands in the air as your eyes widened, you stopped pacing and got serious, turning to face them, “I don’t even know what to say at this point. I spend all this time and energy on keeping you out of trouble- what am I supposed to do with you?” The guilt was starting to seep in, as evident by the way Bam- yes, Bam was sitting, fidgeting with his hands in his lap as he looked up at you through his eyelashes, “Well…you could take us to Universal tomorrow.”

Before you could start going off on him, Johnny stopped you, “Y/N- the guys’ve been workin’ real hard, and they’re gettin’ antsy, so maybe it’d be a good idea to take em’ out when they’ve gotta free day! How about…tomorrow?” Despite the short notice, you were more concerned with how it hadn’t occurred to you that maybe you could have prevented the whole situation with the rental car. Well, you certainly didn’t want anything like that to happen again, you thought. Stopping your train of thought in its tracks was Bam, butting in, “Yeah, I flew a kite outta my ass today, Y/N! I had anal beads in my ass!” In his mind, he thought his suffering would convince you more, “All my buddies had to watch me put in a string’a anal beads this long!” Bam held up two fingers to show the length, but his hands were quickly swatted away by Steve, who shook his head, not mentioning his own anal experiences that day, “We need a break.” So you thought long and hard over what you should do- what would be the responsible, adult thing to do.

And you caved. “This is a team building thing,” you reminded the guys as you stood at the little booths where they sold tickets, paying for them with Paramount’s money- movie money, “we’re going to stay together and have good, clean fun today. And we are not going to cause any sort of problems. Understood?” Bam saw through your little charade with you trying to justify it to yourself rather than them and leaned over to Ryan with a snicker, “Yeah, now they really sound like April…” Before Dunn could ask you if he could just wait for you guys at the bar near the entrance because he didn’t care about roller coasters, or meeting characters, or whatever you do in a theme park, you passed out their tickets, “Alright everybody, buddy up. Chris, you’re with Steve, Bam’s with Ryan, and that leaves…” Before you looked up to Johnny, you already knew he’d be wearing that crooked smirk of his as he playfully threw an arm around your shoulders, “That leaves you and me!”

Out of the guys, you could stand Knoxville the most. Maybe that’s why you gravitated towards him so much. He was relaxed, semi-mature, and easily digestible, so yeah, you agreed to go along with him on the imposing green rollercoaster in this section of the park that was themed to all these Marvel superheroes; predictably, the ride was named after the Hulk, and looking at it, you could tell it certainly lived up to it’s name- that thing was massive. It was on that day you discovered that Steve, a man who you’ve seen swim with sharks and eat roadkill, had only one fear, and that was rollercoasters, so he took the smart way out, “Hey, I’m gonna go hit the can real quick- you guys can go on without me.” Everyone knew he was chickening out, but he was cool about it so they let it slide. Bam, on the other hand, looked like he was going to do the same, judging by how pale the poor bastard was. Ryan tried to walk him over with an assuring hand on his back, explaining that, “It's nothing! You’ll be fine!” But his efforts were for nothing, seeing as Bam was already trying to sneakily slink away towards the men’s. “Uh, yeah- I gotta…go t’the bathroom too.” Johnny, ever the comedian, yelled after the two chickens, “Have fun, you bunch’a nancies!”

Well, maybe those two nancies had the right idea- at least, judging by how soon after those rubber, over the shoulder restraints clicked off that Johnny emptied the contents of his stomach into the nearest trash can. Pretty queasy yourself after riding a roller coaster at nine in the morning, you decided to be considerate and instead of shoving your face in the same trash can, you stood behind him, rubbing his back as he puked his guts out because you liked him and felt a little empathy for him. “You’re alright, c’mon…” Honestly, if it weren’t for all the vomit, it would be a really sweet sight- you soothing him gently while he was feeling bad. Chris, however, seemed totally fine after all of that, not nearly as affected by it as you were, that freak. By the time you and Knoxville got your bearings, Dunn was walking back to where the two of you were having your cute, romantic moment, touting a beer in each hand. Of course, that’s when Bam and Steve decided to emerge from their little bathroom rendezvous. Ryan handed a can to his buddy, giving Steve-O the shaft yet again, “Dude- why don’t I get a beer?” He shrugged, taking a drink from one of them, “‘Cause they only sell you two at a time.”

You didn’t pay much attention when the guys said they wanted to get on some water raft ride you walked past because it was hot as hell- you’d do it too if you didn’t wanna walk around sopping wet all day. So Johnny and you were idly waiting around for the, by the exit because Mr. Hollywood didn’t want to get his hair wet (which you totally teased him for despite also opting out), while Ryan went to grab another beer. A few minutes later, there they came, walking off looking like they just got out of a pool. Fittingly, they were stripping their shirts off as they joked around. “I look like I pissed all of me.” “Dude, I got soaked.” Bam shook his hair off on you the way a dog might, not seeing any problem with what was happening, even when you interjected, “I don't think you can walk around the park without shirts on, guys...” Chris chuckled at your concern, flexing his muscles, “C’mon- who wouldn’t wanna see this?” Bam copied him, albeit to less effect. Right as you were going to remind them that they weren't at some janky, hometown water park where they could walk around shirtless, not even five minutes later, guess who comes walking by. “Hey! Yeah- yeah, you guys without the shirts! Can’t be walkin’ around like that- this is a theme park, not Muscle Beach!” Some security guard passing by did your job for you. As he walked away, you shot them an ‘I Told You So’ look.

“Okay- just go buy some new shirts.” Part of you knew handing off the company card to Chris was a bad decision, but you still pointed them in the direction of some gift shop and the three scampered off, giggling. You and Knoxville took a seat on a nearby bench to escape the blistering heat that made you feel like you were poaching in your skin even before he flashed you that charming smile as if you didn’t see him throwing up not even twenty minutes ago, “I know it’s your job t’do it, but you really know how to keep those fellas in line.” There was genuine respect behind his words, which made sense- he knew how awful these guys could be better than anyone. Chuckling softly to yourself, you shook your head, “It’s like I have five, horrible kids…”

Honestly, you should’ve expected this. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Johnny and Ryan snickered, marveling at the three who returned from the gift shop with smiles plastered all over their faces. Yeah, they got the shirts, but they were clearly youth sizes- like those tiny baby tees that teenage girls wear. Seeing them walk towards you was like watching a slow motion fashion show of what not to wear- well, the only one who could make it work was Steve, but that might’ve been due to the fact that the tight Jurassic Park shirt and the oversized camo shirts kinda meshed well together in a weird, high fashion way. They looked pretty proud of their choices, but the only thing you could think was that you’d have to walk around being seen next to these three idiots all day. Johnny put a proud hand on your back, “Those are our boys…”

A Theme park is one of the most perfect places to do those public reaction pranks Jackass is known for, which explains why Chris and Steve decided to make a pit stop next to a snack stand and Lady and the Tramp this Ron Jeremy sized hot dog that was so big you weren't sure if they should’ve been concealing in a paper bag or not. I mean, the way those two were making weird eye contact while eating very suggestively and making almost choked moaning noises was one thing, but the cherry on top of all of this was the bedazzled, two sizes too small Betty Boop tank top Chris was rocking- that’s what really got them some attention. Documenting the action with the handheld was Knoxville, who leaned over to where you were standing next to him, ogling the crude act, “That’s what I call Tuesday…” Given that they weren't directly bothering any of the other guests with their spectacle, you decided not to intervene despite the disapproving looks they were getting from the other park goers. Nothing to see here, foaks- just two grown men in tiny shirts who really love hot dogs. Bam and Ryan, on the other hand- they couldn’t really get the benefit of the doubt.

You couldn't stand when the guys did this stuff because of the understandably upset reactions it would often elicit and the way you’d have to go put out the fires they caused, so it made sense that it was the first those two did once they got out of your line of sight. After searching for them for what felt like forever, you managed to catch up to them after they ran off to the Jurassic Park Discovery Center- this cute faux museum for little kids with all this dinosaur shit. Bam, wearing that dumbass Spider-Man shirt that clung to his frame, stumbled up to this middle aged lady holding an ice cream bar while she was trying to coral her wild kids. “Hey, hey- that ice cream looks really good…” she glanced up and right as she was about to tell him she got it from the cart by the River Adventure, he cut her off, “Can I have a bite?” There was this awkward, confused silence between the two while she tried to figure out if he really asked that. Even her kids stopped their screaming to gawk at the strange man until Ryan swooped in to rescue him from this situation, putting a protective hand on one of Bam’s shoulders, “I am so sorry, ma’am. My cousin here, he-“ Dunn paused mid sentence to hand him a beer, “here ya go, buddy. Let’s get goin’…” With that, he quietly shooed him off, leaving that woman to question what the hell just happened.

“What part of ‘we are not going to cause any kind of problems did you not understand?” After you profusely apologized to the lady, you pulled the two aside to chew them out. Bam barely stifled his laugh, leaning back against the railing by the staircase that overlooked some mechanical dinosaur display. “C'mon- that chick was totally checkin’ me out!” Ignoring the fact this lady was twice his age with kids, you continued with your lecture, turning to Ryan who was casting his gaze off to the side with faux innocence. “Yeah- you too, Dunn- don’t try to pretend you didn’t have a hand in this!” He gawked at you as if he had no clue what you were saying, putting his hands up defensively, “Me? What about Steve out there on the dinosaur? You’re not lecturing him!”

Steve is on the what? Dashing outside, you pushed through the crowd that had gathered around the big dinosaur photo op outside as Steve perched on its head, riling them up like the showman he is while someone was calling out to him from below, “Sir can you please get down from there? You can’t-“ the security guard tried to reason with him, which was pointless given that, a few seconds later, Steve leapt from where he stood on its head, doing a full flip before landing perfectly on his feet. “Well, that’s a way to get down...”

Given how long you were employed at Dickhouse to watch over the guys and how famous they were now, you were surprised you hadn’t had to deal with more crazy fans. But there you were, quietly ushering the guys through a crowd of frenzied fan girls who thought a sunny bottleneck would be a great place to stop and ask for autographs. Bam was having a pretty good time, considering how many chicks were asking him to sign their tits. Johnny and Steve, on the other hand, felt that they were gettin’ the shit end of the stick because they were stuck signing park tickets and flip phone cases. And Dunn? One of the girls pulling the top of her tank top down for Bam glanced over to him, looking him up and down, “Who’s the weird guy?” Bam snickered and pretended not to know him, scribbling down his number for the girl who asked as Ryan stood there, grappling with now being ‘the weird guy’. You pushed the guys along, much to the disappointment of their fans, “Alright, we got places to be- let’s just keep moving…” One of the girls, the one hanging off of Johnny’s arm, glared at you with disdain, “Ew. Is that your mom or your aunt or something?” Before you could spit back at the girl to tell her that no, you were neither, he beat you to it. “Well, that there’s our lovely manager, Y/N. If it weren’t for them, we’d all definitely be in theme park jail right about now!” He punctuated his words with that genuine Knoxville laugh that told you he wasn’t only defending you because you were in earshot.

At this point, you had gathered your bearings from the last roller coaster so you and the guys decided to try the red and blue dueling coaster creatively dubbed Dueling Dragons that they had in this fantasy themed section of the park. Well, the guys except Bam and Steve, who pulled off their disappearing act once again. It was surprisingly tame in comparison, and you were joking around in line until you got off…only to find that they hadn’t in fact gone to the bathroom and were instead standing in line for the unicorn themed kiddie coaster. Bam whipped around to you guys in genuine confusion, “Where were you?” Ryan parroted his words back, mirroring his expression, “Where were you?” “We were in line for the ride!” You started to piece things together in your head but you let them work it out. “Yeah, we were in line too!” Chris, who was trying to explain it and work out what happened at the same time, craned his head a bit to see the sign by the entrance, “Wait…you're waiting to get on the unicorn ride?” Steve stared at Pontius like he was crazy, “Yeah, isn’t that the one you went on?” Once Johnny figured it out and started losing it, everyone else figured it out in a second. Before the guys could start ragging on him, Bam jumped to defend himself, “Hey- unicorns are kickass!” Which only prompted more laughter.

The last attraction of the day was this little walkthrough special effects show thing you decided to stop at to cool off a bit before heading back. Orlando is hell in the summer, especially when you have to chase five sweaty, grown children around a theme park all day. The whole thing was themed to Poseidon or something Greek and watery- you weren't really paying attention at that point, just thankful to get a break in the AC. In contrast, the guys seemed to miraculously have all the energy in the world, laughing and messing around, though you had to admit, you did feel a good deal of satisfaction when Bam said something about needing to piss and Ryan started punching him in the kidneys- consider it payback for earlier.

There was this one section of the show where you walked through a hallway that gave the illusion of walking through a tunnel of water with the help of these jets that shot out water at some one-hundred miles per hour, if that travel brochure from the hotel lobby was anything to go off of. Point is, it was fast enough to take a finger off, which explains that there would be some safety measure if, say, some idiot decided to reach out and touch it. All of a sudden, while you were meandering along, you and around thirty innocent tourists were suddenly deluged with a torrent of freezing cold, reclaimed water when Steve fell prey to the curiosity that was clawing at him. Wide eyed with shock, the only thing he could do to feign innocence was to whip his head around when people turned to see who was responsible, not realizing there was absolutely nobody behind him.

On the way to the exit, you passed by the Element store they had in Citywalk, this retail area that served as the exit to the park. “Hey, Y/N-“ Bam piped up, pointing over at it, “How about I make a stop there an’ sign some boards and stuff?” Despite the fact this was not organized by the owners and would probably cause mass amounts of chaos, you gave him the go-ahead. not wanting to get caught up in the swarm of dorky little eleventeen year old skate fanatics, you excused yourself and told Ryan to keep him in line while you went to grab yourself something to eat, given that you hadn’t eaten lunch and it was already long past dinner. The dazzling mess of neon signs and beckoning storefronts that made up Citywalk had a couple options for food, but you ended up going for the place with the shortest line, which happened to be Cinnabon. As you settled down with your very adult dinner, guess who sat down next to you?

Having someone so close to you so suddenly made you jump a little, “Ah! What’re you doing here?” You thought Johnny was still back with the rest of the guys, but he seemed to sneak barely out of your line of sight. Unbeknownst to you, he hadn’t eaten very much that day either and, following your track of mind, was also on the hunt for some food. You were just unlucky enough to get caught. Knoxville shrugged, nabbing the plastic fork you got for yourself right from your hands, “I was hungry. D’you mind..?” Before you could tell him to keep his mitts off of your food, he had already torn open the small blue box it came in and stole a few bites. “Knoxville!” You swatted his hand as if he were a kid who got caught stealing from the cookie jar, and he handed over the fork with a sheepish chuckle, “Sorry, sorry…” Johnny resisted the urge to make a dirty innuendo while you ate and shit daggers his way as he reached up to wipe a bit of icing off the corner of his mouth, “How about just one more bite?” There was something with the way he had a twinkle of mischief in his eyes that you couldn’t normally see when he wore his sunglasses that made you think he’d try something, but you handed it over anyways, only for him to eat maybe a quarter of it in one bite.

Johnny’s flimsy promises to pay for your next meal went in one ear and out the other while you mentally debated if it was weird that you weren't even that mad about it, mentally preoccupied with wondering what it would taste like if you kissed him.

Everything cooled down a week into filming. Making a movie is pretty taxing after all, and you don’t have a whole lot of energy to cause trouble when your nerves are frayed from the round the clock threat of becoming victim to some prank that would likely end up as a DVD extra. You were blissfully unaware of this. So one night, when the guys were nursing their wounds and trying to sleep off the stresses of the day, you decided to pay them a visit. They’d been on their best behavior, which you really appreciated, so you thought they deserved to have a little fun! “Pick anywhere- anywhere at all! I’ll take you there. ” What a mistake that was. Ryan spoke up first, thinking back to a place he saw down the road when he ran out to buy cigarettes that morning, “Hey, why don’t we go to Mango’s?” After a little bit of questioning, you didn’t see how the guys could get into too much trouble at a place called Mango’s Tropical Cafe, so you obliged.

“Oh no- no! You are not-“ Downtown Miami, as you would come to discover, is this delightful melange of Time Square, Greenwich Village, and Bourbon Street, all places you would hate to see how the guys behaved. See, what you imagined as a cute place that sold pina coladas and little pineapple pastries turned out to actually be a nightclub with a very misleading name. The place was an imposing two stories, especially with his it was all lit up with neon making it glow in the night, and the guys couldn’t be more excited. Hell, Chris was practically dancing into the place once you got through the line. Johnny threw an arm around your shoulders, dragging you along“C’mon, Y/N- you'll have fun!”

You were in the club clinging to Knoxville for less than thirty minutes, and already you had to save someone’s ass. Bam was pissing in a fountain. See, this place was on some real Copacabana shit- I’m talking indoor palm trees with these lush tropical flowers, live parrots perched on the shoulders of bartenders, and in one corner of the club, a small faux waterfall fountain. Not too far into your tenure as manager, you discovered that Bam figured that with all the loud music and so much shit that’s going on in crowded bars, that he could get away with just pissing wherever he wanted so long as he played it cool- usually on the side of an arcade cabinet or onto someone’s leg. So you saw him standing there, beer in one hand, dick in the other, very not so covertly urinating in the multicolored fountain like an idiot with a security guard about twenty feet away. Luckily, Ryan was also sitting maybe twenty feet away at the bar. Shooting him a wide eyed, urgent look, you nodded your head towards Bam to silently tell Ry to get his girlfriend over there because she’s sloppy drunk already.

However, while you were managing that debacle with those two, something arguably much worse was going on with Steve and Chris. Down a hallway marked employees only that Chris wandered down by accident while looking for the can, he found the closet where the club stored the outfits for the Brazilian carnival showgirls that danced on stage- the ones Bam initially thought were strippers and tried to tip to see them ‘shake those tail feathers’. That closet was was a mess of sequins and rhinestones and bright colors, and that’s where he got a genius idea and decided to share his plan with Steve, who was too sober to want to play along, “Dude- I am not wearin’ that.” Pontius grabbed an outfit- this cute, little pink number- and held it up to himself, “I can’t wear this alone. C’mon- It’ll be funnier if we both do it!” Steve shook his head with a sigh.

Back at the bar, you had started loosening up a bit over drinks with Johnny when the way too excited DJ made an announcement over the loudspeakers, “Alright, it’s gettin’ to that point in the night that you’ve all been waiting for- the one, the only- Mango’s world famous wet-t-shirt contest!” Despite the fact that this man seemed far too enthusiastic even among DJs and that this club surely did not invent the wet t-shirt contest, your liquor-addled mind was intrigued. Apparently, so was Johnny’s, as he spoke up over the loud Latin music in the club, “You thinkin’ of goin’ up there?” It would be a far cry from the usual behavior from their uptight, by-the-books manager, but it didn’t hurt to ask…Fuck no! You laughed, shaking your head at the thought, ”No way!” Knoxville gave you one of those crooked, charming smiles that could convince you to do just about anything, “Aww, c'mon! Here-“ He fished around in his pocket for a quarter, “Heads: you do it- Tails: I go up there instead.” Balancing the quarter on the side of his hand, you weighed it in your mind and realized that it would be really fun to see a dude do one of these things for once, especially if that dude was Johnny. “Alright- deal.”

God, if you only had a camera to capture the look on your faces when that quarter hit the hibiscus flower tiled bar top. Tails. “Haha! You’re up!” Johnny could’ve very easily weaseled his way out of this, but there was something he loved about making you laugh and seeing you when you weren't so stressed and preoccupied with their bullshit. “Alright, alright- I’m goin’…” He feigned reluctance as you nudged him along. That DJ guy who was presenting it was totally cool with a dude participating on the grounds he was a celebrity, so they lined Johnny up next to around ten chicks who were all glaring daggers at him. See, unlike Chris, not every guy is born with the ole Magic Mike reflex, especially in the case of Knoxville, who was as coordinated as a baby giraffe on roller skates and was kinda hopeless when it came to this kinda stuff. So he thought about what Pontius would do.

That beer pitcher of ice cold liquid they dumped on him was a shock, but Johnny played it cool, raking a hand through his wet hair as the water soaked into his now transparent t-shirt. Yes, the just a tad too small one that hugged his biceps nice and tight in that male stripper way- and speaking of, Knoxville looked totally natural up there, running his hands up his torso, letting the bottom of that shirt ride up a bit to show off that delicious inch or two of skin above the belt that the women of the club went crazy for. In fact, you could’ve sworn by that shit eating grin and the teasing glint you saw in his eye when he squeezed at his pecs that he was enjoying the attention. Given how low your inhibitions were, you would’ve called him a whore if you didn’t enjoy watching him so damn much.

He didn’t end up winning the contest, but he certainly won the hearts of the crowd. Stripping off his sopping wet shirt with a chuckle as he hurried offstage, Johnny sat next to you at the bar, “So, what’d’ya think?” You had to use every ounce of self restraint in you not to tell him how you actually felt, “I think, if this movie doesn’t do well, you’ve gotta career lined up at Chippendale’s…” It was hard to push away the thought of how all that sticky skin would feel under your hands when Knoxville was talking to you, his voice knowing and honeyed, “Aww- c’mon! I saw how you were starin’ at me…” But as you were going to bring up how you also saw the way all those girls in the audience were starin’ at him, this ruckus in the club behind the two of you prevented that.

See, following the wet-t-shirt contest was a nightly Latin dance performance, and this was around the time those two idiots from earlier decided to make their showgirl debut, clad in their bejeweled outfits. Standing up there, next to actual trained performers, was Chris, strutting those pink and yellow feathers with pride and having a ball up there following the choreography (as best as he could) to whatever Reggaeton song was playing over the club speakers as he sort of dragged Steve along, who didn’t seem to be as nearly excited to be in heels and lipstick in front of a club full of people, not to mention that yellow and green headdress strapped to his head that probably weighed more than he did.

And as if things somehow couldn’t get any worse, it seemed that Ryan let Bam out of his sight for barely a second too long so he could chat up that sexy lookin’ bottle service chick, because as you were rushing over to drag Steve and Chris off the stage by their ears, guess who you see directly above you, leaping off the top railing of the second story? Yeah, Superbam. Super drunk Bam, who thought that it would be a given that people would be waiting underneath to catch him, which they luckily were because a guy can’t really do that sort of thing and be sneaky with it, especially if you’re Bam fucking Margera, because that’s kinda his bag. It was just a matter of time until you got kicked out, really. And moments after, a group of burly security guards hauled your asses out onto the sidewalk in front of the club.

Hey everybody, come look at the parade of freaks walking down I-Drive! The only people who really saw you that night were families driving into Disney world, which you were sure made for some rather magical memories. Leading the pack was Johnny in his soaked through Dickies, laughing and joking around about what happened as Ryan, too drunk to find anything funny, dragged his feet with Bam in tow, who was even drunker and found everything hilarious. Behind them was Chris, who was enjoying the way that tiny outfit made his ass look and was considering switching out his manikins for one of these puppies when he got back to LA, while Steve, the grumpiest little showgirl in Orlando, frustratedly tore off one of his high heels and hurled it into a bush. And at the very back was you, shepherding them all along to your final destination- the Pizza Hut a few blocks down. One catches a fragment of a vision- a taste of the exotic, and then it’s gone, washed away from your palate with greasy cheese and tomato sauce.

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Roasting you based on your outsiders crush ft. Gang + Cherry bc I’m bored

(ITS A JOKE I LOVE THEM ALL)

Horseman Smoker

-Why are you attracted to cigarette boy

-So you see him puff out that cancer causing stick and are like *bites lip* I like my men short with shorter lives

-You tell little boys they’re gonna be pretty when they grow up

-A guy could be a serial killer but loves books and you’d let it slide

-Good luck winning him over from Ed Sheeran Girl/Leprechaun Lady/Fruit Valance

UWU JOHNNY MAID CADE

-Ah… you like your men submissive🥺🥺🥺🥺

-tell me you haven’t fantasized about “saving him from the Socs” at least fifteen times

-pictured him in a maid dress at least once

-✨Whimpering Audios✨

-Dude stop trying to come up with some lame reason of why he’s your favorite character aside from “I want to get him pregnant” 🫃🏽

-you forgot all about “Staying Gold” the moment Ralph Macchio stepped onto the screen istg

Pepsi Cola Golden Retriever

-I bet he’s your sunshine isn’t he, and you’re a black cat

-I see your type and it’s spelled like

H

I

M

B

O

-Also, why are you so into people pleasers?

-though I doubt your crush can spell that for you with the amount of brain cells he has

Expired Milk DILF

-I didn’t know you were so into dairy

-you eat milk and cheese every day

-Also

-Daddy issues

-*cough* SIZE *cough* KINK

-you want to be his housewife/houseband be so fr rn

-you fall asleep to imagining him proposing

-Have thought about massaging him after work at least fifteen times

-he’s just your tired hubby, hmm?

Texas Bad Boy

-hey

-you should be a cop

-because if you chase the same guys they do at least get paid for it

-You either want to “fix him” and make him love you and you only (Along with Johnny bc let’s be so fr)

-or you want him to to stay the same *starts playing Toxic by Britney Spears*

-either way

-you need therapy, love. Seriously.

Mickey Mouse Fanboy Alcoholic

-Serious Black is the only kind of Serious you know

-Ah, You like your men too drunk to stand I see

-you think it’s “endearing” and “cute” that bro watches shows made for 7 year olds

-You need to stop listening to “I love you like an alcoholic” on repeat

-HeS yOuR SiLLy LiTtLe GuY

Sodapops Sexy Chocolate Carman

-Oh, you think you’re special? Liking the one that no one ever pays attention to?

-You want him to pump gas in your car

-you like your men to be bullies of children

-you watch Steve push pony like *bites lip*

-have fun being in a throuple with Sodapop

Ed Sheeran Girl/Leprechaun Lady/Fruit Valance

-ah you like Walmart Ginny Weasley over here

-Fruity Valance

-leprechaun lady

-Ed Sheerans Sister

-I guess your type is firetrucks

-Ask your gf how she actually got rich.

-it’s not from being a Soc

-It’s from a pot of gold

-tbh I can’t roast her for anything other than being ginger so if you like her than good 4 u

[ares--athena]

Continuing an ask from @longedelonge on my Ares-Athena account that is no longer accessible.

The outsiders react to male reader wanting to cuddle because of a nightmare

Outsiders x male! Reader

Darry

Spending nights at the Curtis was almost second nature to you. The couch had been vacant for the night. The rest of the gang must have found somewhere else to sleep. Normally sleeping at the Curtis house gave you a sense of comfort but not tonight. Throughout the silence of the house your mind kept racing until you finally feel asleep. Though it didn't last long, waking shortly after due to another nightmare. Deciding after a long debate with yourself to not sleep on the couch. You got up to see Darry's room lamp still on. Walking to Darry's room he saw you rather quickly hearing your steps in the quiet house. "What are you doing up?" He asked you putting whatever he was doing down. "Can I sleep here, I had a nightmare." You told him. Darry knew how nightmares could torture one's sleep, Ponyboy still had them from time to time. "Come on kid." He said patting his next to him on his bed. Going to follow quickly, laying next to him. Immediately feeling more tired than you did on the couch. Turning to light out darry had you close to him. Seeing you already asleep, "Sleep good."

Johnny

When nights were restless and you tossed and turned in the middle of the night a walk always made it better. Sometimes you saw people you knew sometimes it was too late for anyone to be out. But tonight was a night where nightmares wouldn't leave you alone and your thoughts were overpowering your rationality. Knowing you shouldn't walk alone in the day let alone night you went anyway. No particular destination just going where ever your feet would carry you. They just so happen to take you to the lot where Johnny next to always was. He was there laying my tree smoking a cancer stick as Dally called them. He saw you walking up, Johnny had helped you with nightmares before even when you both stayed at the Curtis house on some nights. "More nightmares that won't leave you alone." He called out. "Yeah how'd you guess." You replied quickly, taking a seat next to him. "Lucky guess." He said. Something about Johnny made you two quick friends and close ones at that. He wrapped an arm around to give you body heat but it didn't matter. You were already sleeping. "Good night to you too."

Ponyboy

Pony never slept alone. His own nightmares never allowed it. So the night Soda stayed over Steve's was the night he invited you to stay over. But even at the Curtis house your own nightmares didn't leave you. Waking up in a gasp for air you almost fell off the couch. You calmed yourself down, well enough so that you could breathe again. Getting up deciding that was enough sleeping on the couch for you, you headed to Pony's room. Being quiet so that you didn't wake up darry, you saw Pony awake in his room. "Glen?" He said but it sounded more like a question. "Nightmares, Can I sleep with you?" You said. "Yeah of course, Nightmares for me too." He said. You got in the bed next to him. "I thought you got over them?" You asked. Though sleep was coming quicker than you would have hoped. "Yeah me too, when I sleep alone is when they're the worst." He explained. "Well good I'm here than." You said cockily and quite sleepily. "Oh shut up." He said laughing and stifling a yawn. Expecting a retort back he looked down at you. You were already dead asleep. "What a weirdo."

Sodapop + Steve

Most of the gang was over tonight. Darry already asleep on his room, Pony gave up his part of the room for Steve. Johnny Pony and I were left in the living room. Pony had Darry's recliner and me and Johnny shared the couch. I feel asleep sitting up and woke up almost falling off the couch. "Shit." You mumbled. Knowing your nightmares wouldn't allow you s peaceful sleep alone. Ponyboy was still asleep and so was Johnny, you would feel bad for waking them so you got up and saw Steve in the kitchen. "What are you doing up?" You asked, apparently you scared the living shit out of him cause he jumped like a kid. "What the hell is wrong with you. Just sneaking up on people like that." He said. Mumbling curses your way. "Neither me or Soda could sleep so I decided to get up snacks. Why are you up?" "I had a nightmare." You explained. "Is that shit contagious. First Ponyboy now you. Am I gonna catch that?" "No you idiot nightmares are not contagious." "Yeah if I get I'm gonna kick your ass." He said getting a bag of chips from the cabinet. "Oh come on, don't want you to wake up Johnny and Pony." Quietly following Steve to the room soda was barely keeping his eyes open. "Nightmares again?" He asked me. "Yeah how'd you guess." "That's the only time you talk to Steve." He laughed, then yawned. Getting in the bed next to Soda. Steve put the chips on the desk by the bed and got in too. Funny how quickly you went to sleep. "I better not get nightmares from you motherfucker."

[sunnyie-eve]

11 | Ass kicking

Series: Uttermost Lifestyle

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Original female character

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: none

| MASTERLIST |

The next morning I was rudely awaken by Bam and Ryan pulling the blankets off me then a buck of cold water really waking me up. "GOD DAMN IT!" I yell at them getting out of bed soaking wet.

"You would win a wet t-shirt contest." Bam chuckles and I didn't even care.

"I'm gonna kill you." I say through my teeth. "Dunn! Eyes up here!" I yell at him so he runs out first then Bam pulls out a camera taking a picture before following. "You fuckers!" I scream running after them not giving a shit I was in a wet tight shirt and underwear. "Margera, give me that camera! Dunn!" I run into the room where they were with everyone else.

"Just let me keep the picture please." He laughs as I try getting to him.

"No!" I rush after and buy since Ryan thought he was in the clear I stop and grab his junk and twist it. He groans in pain and that distracts Bam so I go tackle him. The guys oh as I straddle him and take the camera out of his hand.

"All you had to do was ask, mama." Bam places his hands on my hips so I punch him in the chest before getting up.

"Alex..." Johnny says my name as everyone looks at me.

"Oh no!" I fake like I care. "Yes, you can basically see my tits though my shirt and I'm in my panties. Enjoy it." I fake a smile then go back to my room to get dressed.

A few of us end up going to a dojo where they would be doing a few bits and I was there just to watch. For Bamboo boo Weeman, Loomis, Preston, Chris, and Steve-O get hurt in the butt with the stick. That damn mark after a few seconds, I really understood the pain they had for a bit. Since Johnny didn't take part in that he ends up getting kicked hard in the ribs instead of the chest which I hiss at.

For Ryan was getting his ass kicked by a Woman's Lightweight Champion and he wasn't that nervous till we got to see her practice. "It will be over quickly so you didn't worry." I pat Ryan's back.

"I could sure go for a Miller High Life." He tells the camera making us laugh.

"Oh, you're in so much trouble." Johnny says as Ryan whines.

"In blue corner...West Chester, Pennsylvania... Ryan Dunn." The man introduces him so we applaud for him. "In the red corner... Double-K World Women's Lightweight Champion... Kumagai, Naoka." We applaud for her too.

"I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl." Ryan looks into the camera.

"To be honest, Alex would have this morning if she wasn't holding back." Chris adds and I agree with him.

We just watch Ryan get the shit kicked out of him and it was hilarious. "Oh, god, my jaw is like two inches to the left." Ryan says as my phone starts to ring. I slightly worry since it was from my parents since it was late back home.

"What's wrong?" I answer the call walking away from everyone.

"You didn't tell me Caiden was allergic to soy. How could you forget to tell me?" My mom raises her voice at me.

"I thought you knew since he was born?!" I shout at her.

"Well I guess I forgot but you should have wrote it down on his meds list." She snaps at me.

"Mom, it is... What did he eat? How bad is it?" I ask pacing around the empty room.

"Well he wanted some ice cream and the one we had was soy based. We didn't know so we had to take him to the hospital." She tell me and I almost lose it.

"Can I talk to him?" I ask calmly and she puts him on the phone. "Is grandma still in the room?" I ask him.

"No, she left to go smoke." You could her he didn't sound well.

"Did you try warning grandma that something was wrong?" I ask him.

"Yes but she told me it was nothing just that dairy upset me stomach. I told her no since I was having trouble breathing and was dizzy, but she told me to go to bed." He starts to cry and I hear her come back into the room. "Put grandma on the phone please. I love you baby."

"By mom. Love you too."

"You are a terrible grandmother!" I yell at her pissed off. "He tells you he can't breath and dizzy and you have the nerve to tell him go to bed? Did you wait for him to blackout and break out in a rash?" I ask and wait for an answer but she talked too long. "YOU DID DIDN'T YOU?!" I hang up and call Chris's mom and tell her everything and that I want her to take him and keep him while I'm away for the movie.

"Are you okay?" Johnny comes into the room.

"No! My mother is terrible! She could've killed my son because she didn't remember his allergy to soy. She had to take him to the hospital because he blacked out is a huge rash. She gave him soy based ice cream and he didn't know it was. He tried telling her but she didn't care he couldn't breathe. I called Chris's mom to go get him so he can stay with them till we get back."

"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down. Breath before you blackout." He grabs me by my shoulders holding me still. "Breath sweetie." He takes slow breaths making me do it to.

"I just can't believe that women. I should have known because how she was with me growing up. I was never the favorite and really wasn't when I got pregnant with him." I move away from Johnny upset.

"At least you can trust and relay on Chris's parents to take care of Caiden while we're gone." He moves hair out of my face.

"How are you feeling?" I step back as I see Ryan enter the room eyeing us.

"Jaw still hurts. I wanted come check on you. I hear you shouting." He walks over to us.

"Just my mom being a terrible grandmother so I had to call Chris's mom to pick him up from my mom." I roll my eyes.

"She didn't remember Caiden has a soy allergy and then didn't care he had a reaction." Johnny adds to let Ryan understand.

"What a bitch. I'm not surprised because of the way she talked to you that day we ran into her at the store." Ryan brings up so I nod my head as Johnny says he'll be right back.

"Sorry for interrupting." Ryan makes a face walking to stand in front of me.

"You didn't interrupt anything. I should actually thank you for stopping what could have happened."

"No! Let it happen. See what could happen." I slap him to shut him up.

"No. I don't want to be in a relationship."

"Then the two of you just mess around while we film." He says making me slap him upside the head.

"No. That won't help my feelings go away, Dunn." I explain so he nods his head with a thinking face.

"What if you two mess around but you also mess around with others so you don't get attached to him?"

"Others? I'm supposed to find random guys everywhere we go?" I cross my arms.

"Or use some of us. We won't mind. Especially Bam." He joke but I knew deep down he was serious at the same time. 

"That's not funny." I punch him in the arm. "I'm not getting with any of y'all to get over Johnny."

"Easy. I'm already hurt and I was joking." He rubs his arm when I punched him.

"Where you really though?" I glare at him and he makes a guilty face. "I hate you."

"If you hated me, you wouldn't still be here talking to me baby." He kisses my cheek. "Remember that offer." He winks walking away from me.

"In your dreams, Dunn. And Bam's too!"

[69bitterbeingz]

IF YOU'RE GONNA BE DUMB || CH. 4

<- prev | next ->

DISCLAIMER: This is a reupload from my prev account! best to follow the fic through ao3 [linked below] to avoid any future issues PAIRINGS - johnny knoxville, bam margera, steve-o, chris pontius, ryan dunn x female reader WARNINGS - swearing, a little suggestive

ao3 version

Over the next few weeks, you fell into a routine of sorts. You’d wake up around midday to a text with just an address and nothing else; this was now the Jackass way of inviting you to stunt shoots - who needs formal invitations anyway? It was far more interesting showing up to a mystery location every other day. You’d turn up per instruction, witness the carnage, then everyone went to the bar to get hammered. Thinking about the amount you’ve drank lately made your liver physically hurt, but you'd just chalk it up to building a tolerance.

Today was following that same pattern, as you woke up to a text from Bam with just an address. Business as usual, so you hauled ass to wherever it may be. However, you were a little confused this time when you pulled up to a public pool. Most of the places they sent you to were fields or streets, where it's out in the open, so you were wondering what the hell they were planning and how they got approval to do it. Still sat in the car, you texted Bam for the confirmation.

[Y/N]: the pool??

Bam: yeah go inside

Alright then. 

You felt a little odd going through to the pool area in jeans and a long sleeve, but once you saw the cast and crew were all fully clothed, you felt a little less weird. Shit, there was a lot of people here too - there were even a few faces you weren’t familiar with. It was always 50/50 on whether it'd be a select few of dumbasses or the whole gaggle. You stuffed your nervous hands in your pockets so you wouldn’t fidget with your fingers, and drew breath through your grit teeth; this was sure to be interesting. You said your casual 'hey's to the production team as you pushed through to where the stars were congregated, Ryan being the first to notice you and giving you a curt nod.

“Hey, good to see you.” He greeted, shuffling over so you could lean against the tarped equipment.

“What exactly are you doing at a pool?” You asked your burning question, and Ryan hung his head with a smile.

“Exactly the kinda dumb shit you expect.”

“Right, shoulda known.” The longer you looked around, the more props you noticed; a parasol, a pogo stick…? And-- was that a fucking bike? What the hell was a bike doing in a goddamn pool? You didn’t have long to agonise over that strange detail as you accidentally caught Johnny’s eye, who was talking with some of the men you didn’t recognise. Johnny said something to the two guys, then motioned for them to follow as he made his way up to you and Ryan. Oh boy, looks like it's time to make a first impression.

“Hey, [Y/N]! Sleep easy, honey?” He pulled you in for a side hug, and you rolled your eyes. Johnny motioned to you as he turned his attention to the two guys awkwardly stood there. “This here’s [Y/N], li’l lamb’s started hanging out with us.” After your brief introduction, he looked back at you. “And this is ‘Danger Ehren’ and Dave England.”

You raised an eyebrow, “Danger Ehren? What’s with the helmet then?”

He smiled goofily and knocked on it with his fist. “Safety first.” 

“Makes sense.” You turned then to Dave. “I think Bam told me about you, you’re the guy who can shit on command right?” They all started laughing at the mention, and Dave shrugged.

“Sure, that’s my defining talent I guess.”

“How is that even, like… possible? Are you sure you don’t have something seriously wrong with you?” 

“I’ve lived this long so I’m assuming I’m fine!”

The conversation was cut short by a yell from the camera man, telling Johnny to go ahead and film his intro. Johnny gave you a pat on the shoulder as he moved off of you.

“That’s my cue!”

He went on his merry way, and Ehren nudged you to get your attention long enough to say, “get a load of this.”

You watched as Johnny and a camera guy approached the ladder for the high dive, and - to your despair - grabbed the bike on his way. Immediately, you were pinching the bridge of your nose and groaning, Ryan giving you a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“Jesus Christ, is he serious?”

“By Knoxville standards, this is pretty tame.” Dave interjected, and yeah, he had a point. Finally at the top of the high dive, he perched on the bike seat and looked into the camera.

“Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!”

With no hesitation, he cycled off the diving board, and like a wounded bird, plummeted into the water below. Despite your exasperation, you found yourself laughing to yourself.

“This is so fucking stupid.” You knew you should be used to these antics by now, but somehow you were still floored by the shit they came up with.

“Just you wait.” Ryan assured, which gave you no confidence whatsoever. Emerging from the men’s changing room came none other than Chris Pontius, returning as your favourite lifeguard. A camera followed him as he gave his spiel about keeping everyone safe, covering up his usual goofy grin with a fake stern expression.

"These are the lifeguards at the facility here, but I am the personal lifeguard of these daredevils. And if they step on my feet while I'm rescuing, they're the ones that are going to need rescuing." As ‘Bunny’ gave his speech, Bam came marching through, skateboard in hand. He sported a cocky grin as he noticed your bewildered expression.

“What’s your issue?” He asked, sliding in between you and Ehren. 

“Well, I just saw Knoxville sail off a diving board on a fucking bike.” You glanced down at his skateboard, then gave him an exhausted look. “I think I can guess what you’re planning.” Bam ‘pshh’ ed, shoving your arm playfully. 

“Don’t be such a mom about it, enjoy it.”

“I’m allowed to think this is stupid. Because it is.”

“Only gonna get stupider!” He promised, the production team calling his name for him to go up. Before he left, he turned to you with a mischievous grin. “Kiss for good luck?” 

“You wish. Go on, do your stupid stunt.”

Admittedly, it was more entertaining than you thought to watch a guy skate off a high dive; you blamed it on the atmosphere. Doesn’t matter how stupid a stunt may be, if everyone’s whooping like idiots, you feel more inclined to do so as well. Soon, you couldn’t help getting into the spirit of things - what could you say? Idiocy sure is infectious. After Bam’s first stunt, he followed up by jumping with a parasol, but it slipped out of his grip half way through, leaving him to drop like a rock. Dave went after him, one of his legs folded up like a flamingo as he hopped off into the pool. Simple but effective. Then went Ehren and a guy you were introduced to as ‘wee man’, wearing matching red speedos and jumping in sync with each other, holding hands all the way down. Kinda cute in a weird way. With each splash into the pool, Chris made a show of ‘defending’ you from the water, which meant pulling you behind him like a human shield. He never failed to be charming, you couldn't help giggling - the best lifeguard. Next up on the board was Steve-O, and you couldn't help but gasp when you spotted the pogo stick he was carrying up the ladder with him.

“A fucking pogo stick? Those things are death traps! He’s gonna slip and crack his skull on the tile or something!” it was the first time you actually worried for one of them, eyebrows knitting to create a crinkle between them. Johnny nodded from beside you, arms folded.

“Yeah, that’s the hope.”

He cackled when you smacked his bicep.

Luckily, Steve-O made the jump in one piece, allowing you let go of the breath you didn’t realise you were still holding. Ehren made his second appearance, sailing off the diving board on his little scooter, and for whatever reason that was your favourite so far. Ah wait, nevermind, the guy running off the board at full speed was now your favourite so far. Chris perked up when the running man collided with the water.

“Oh, my turn!”

“What’s your gimmick?” You asked, but Chris only gave you a coy smile, winking as he walked off toward the board. That was ominous. You looked to Johnny for some kind of explanation, but he just giggled to himself. Ok, there was something going on here. At first you were confused about their secrecy, but you soon understood when - at the top of the high dive - Chris bent over and slipped off his thong. It was like your brain cells totally fried, and Johnny immediately laughed at your stunned expression.

“Like what ya see?” He asked, leaning over you, but you couldn’t respond, you were too mesmerised by Chris doing a canon ball totally starkers, with just his bunny ears left on. That was far more than what you were expecting to see when you got up this morning. Once he landed, he emerged from the pool with nothing but his hand to cover his shame. You couldn’t help staring still, until he caught you and blew you a kiss, flirtatiously waving at you. You’re not sure you can ever look at rabbits the same way. 

“That was… a lot.” You finally broke your silence.

“Honestly I’m surprised it’s taken this long for you to see anyone’s wiener.” Johnny remarked, placing his hand between your shoulder blades. You screwed up your nose, giving him an odd look.

“You say that like you guys whip it out for fun.”

“...Honestly…?”

A nudge to his ribs was his hint to shut up. At least Bam had the good graces to keep his shorts on, even if his shirt was nowhere to be seen - christ, men and their affinity for getting naked. This time, all he did was hang from the board and swing off into the water, but despite its simplicity it looked like a lot of fun to do. Last, but for damn sure not least, Steve-O made his return. In the most patriotic get up you’ve ever seen, he climbed the ladder with what looked like stilts under his arm.

“Oh my god, he’s gonna die.” 

Bam laughed, gently pushing your head. “No way, he’ll be fine.”

“No no, stilts plus high dive equals death, I passed high school math.”

“Nah, he went to clown college, he’ll be fine.” Johnny interjected, and suddenly a whole lot started to make sense. To your utter shock, Steve managed to get on the stilts while barely wobbling. With his arms stretched out on either side, he made it all the way to the end of the board and took his leap of faith, hitting the pool with a loud smack. You had to give him props, it was one hell of a spectacle, earning a round of applause when he made it out without any kind of fatal injury. While you were distracted by Steve-O, you didn't notice Chris until he was right in front of you, his face inches from yours with a wide grin.

“ You should do one, [N/N]!”

Is he trying to kill you?

“What? N-no, I don’t have anything interesting to do.”

Ryan shrugged. “Doesn’t have to be interesting.” Before you could respond, Bam started to snicker and hung his arm around Dunn’s neck.

“Nah, it’s alright if she wants to be a pussy.”

Damn your pride.

Somehow you found yourself climbing the rungs of the high dive ladder, barely hearing the general whooping and jeers coming from below over the blood rushing in your ears. This was stupid, why were you so easy to manipulate? If you were going to survive these guys, you’d have to learn not to be so easily swayed. After what felt like a million years of climbing, you reached the top. You’ve never really had an issue with heights, or at least you didn’t think you did, but now you were staring down at the pool so so far down with no railing to keep you steady, you were starting to think you might. How the hell was this so much more daunting than that stupid fucking ramp? You weren't even wearing roller skates this time, yet your pulse was starting to race as you couldn’t look away from the water, stood rooted to the spot lest you slip and fall and  die.

“...Nope. Fuck this.” You said to yourself, then called down to the hooligans waiting for your demise. “ Fuck all of you! I’m coming back down! ”

You turned to climb down, but someone was blocking your exit. None other than Bam stood there, dripping wet and with an absolutely malicious look on his face. You took a tentative step backwards, pointing at him accusingly.

“ Don’t you fucking dare. ”

He dared.

He lunged at you too quickly for you to react, and within seconds you were hurtling through the air because some shirtless asshole decided to tackle you off the high dive. You crashed into the water, his added weight on top of you knocking the air out of your lungs and sinking you to the bottom of the pool. You managed to shove him off, and pulled yourself back to the surface, catching your breath as you clung to the pool’s edge for dear life. You could hear Bam surface behind you, laughing his head off.

“Fucking prick.” You hissed, spitting water out onto the edge tiles.

“What? Aren’t you glad you didn’t puss out?” He asked, his shit eating grin really getting under your skin. Though there it was again, the adrenaline rushing through your veins, the excited airy thrill in your stomach, the manic desire to do it again . Admittedly… yes, you were glad, but fuck giving him that satisfaction.

“Blow me, you’re dead to me.”

Chris came to your aid, hooking his arms under yours and pulling you to safety. His arms then dropped to encircle your waist as Johnny gave you a thumbs up.

“Chin up, [Y/N], it’s good tv!”

“You can blow me too.”

Since you were forced into a pool fully clothed, you had to duck into the women’s changing room to ring them out as best you could. Unfortunately, there was no way they were gonna dry any time soon, so you admitted defeat and slipped back into the uncomfortable damp. Weirdly enough, this wasn't the first time your clothes got totally ruined at a shoot; you should really start keeping a spare set in your car.

As you left the women's changing room, you bumped into Steve-O.

“Shit, sorry.”

“No, it’s cool.” He looked you up and down, obviously still soaked. “...You can borrow my shirt if you want, don’t really need it right now.”

You blinked owlishly. “Really?” And he nodded, motioning for you to follow him to a nearby bench. He tossed his shirt at you [a black long sleeve with some kind of angular white graphic, you had half a mind to nick it], and was gentleman enough to look away as you changed. The jeans still sucked, but at least your chest was dry again.

“Thanks man, promise to give it back.” 

“Yeah don’t worry about it.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “You coming to the party tonight?”

You raised an eyebrow, racking your brain for a second.

Party…? Did you miss something?

“Uh… what party?”

Steve looked confused. “The party…? Did nobody tell you?”

“No??”

“Huh, guess we all just assumed someone invited you.” He shrugged. “Fuck it, I’m inviting you then. We’re all gonna trash Knoxville's place tonight, I’ll send you the address.”

“I don’t, uh…” You gestured awkwardly. “Don’t have your number, dude.”

“Shit, even after a month? Hand over your phone.” Like time was repeating itself, you obliged without question, and he clumsily added his number into your contacts. A strange sense of accomplishment filled your chest as he handed it back, like you got an achievement in a video game. “There, text me so I can give you the address.” Then abruptly, shirtless as the day he was born, he picked up his stilts and left.

Well... guess you had plans for tonight, not that these guys ever gave you a night off. You really had to start praying for your organs. You were left to wait for everyone to wrap up the shoot, idly flicking through the contacts on your phone. You had forgotten about the quest you set yourself all that time ago [i.e. four weeks], but now that there was only one left you needed to complete your collection, you were filled with an unexpected determination. Your eyes flicked up from your small phone screen to settle on the man in question, none the wiser as he chatted to the production team.

Tonight you’re getting Johnny Knoxville’s number.

[emoassx3]

Meeting the Jackass guys!

✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

No warnings! Just a silly little fic..

Note: hiii this is my first fic, i love writing though, if anyone wants me to write for any characters of jackass or another show/movie/etc. i’ll try my best i promise !!🖤🖤🖤 I know this is bad btw!! First fic but if y’all want to give tips or anything please dooo!

₊ ⊹₊ ⊹☣︎♰☣︎⊹₊ ⊹₊

I couldn’t remember the last time I skated, or let alone went to the skate park here in town. As a kid I was..well, considerably good, but after so long I definitely have lost my ability to do at least tricks. Waking up this morning though, it’s like I just HAD to go skating, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. “How’d you sleep?”, mom said, “Oh um, okay, I had a weird dream, but that’s all.”, “I’m sorry to hear that dear, I have to leave early for work today, though so I won’t be back for awhile, love you honey, have a good day!” Is all mom said before running out the door.

I can’t find my damn board!! I know I haven’t skated in awhile but shit, it has to be around here somewhere! I checked in the closet one more time, already having the outfit I wanted to wear out on my bed. There it is, I don’t know how I missed it the first few times I checked, guess I’m blind or something. I grab my board and put it next to my door and head to the shower real quick, even though I just know i’m gonna be sweating bullets. After shaving my legs and all that, I end my shower, put a towel on and head to my room and put my outfit on.

Pulling up to the skate park I see quite a few guys…actually a lot of guys, all…not bad looking at all. Well, they look like a fun group, should I go say hi? Or is that too forward or creepy…what if they’re like way older than me and think i’m a freak..? “AH!” I get startled out of my thoughts from a tap on my window. It’s a man, he looks older than me, but not by much, he has a shaved head, kind of defined cheekbones, shirtless of course because of the heat, and he’s holding a board. I roll down my window, he seems nice enough. “Hi! I was wondering if I could do a trick off your car? If not that’s totally chill, man!” The man exclaimed. “Oh uhhhhhhh sure why not..? Just don’t break anything or i’ll make you pay.” I say as I hit my right fist on my hand as if I’m about to beat him up. “HAH, nooooo no no of course not, I’m Steve by the way, everyone calls me Steve-O though. If you want you can go hangout over there with my friends, ya know…watch me do my rad ass trick!” He smiled so wide, such a gentle acting man I just have to let him do it.

“Do it you pussy!!” one of his friends next to me says, he looks more goth than all the other guys, has some sort of accent or way of talking, I can’t pinpoint it though. “Shut the hell up, dude! I’m trying, I don’t want to break the chicks car though!” Steve-O yells back. As if the guys completely didn’t see me next to them, some of them turn to look at me, a few giving me weird looks. One man though struts up to me, another man, little shorter than the first man, follows behind him, beaming almost. “Hi! I’m Johnny Knoxville! I dunno if you’ve heard of me, heh, me and these guys have an MTV show called—“ He was cut off by the guy behind him. “Come on man, don’t try to show us off! Let’s just hangout and skate, ya know?” This made Johnny’s eyes roll however. “Yeah yeah, Pontius, I know! I just wanna impress the gal a little.” Johnny says back to the other. The man ignores this though and turns to you and smiles, “Hey, i’m Chris, you seem real chill! Heh,” He kind of chuckles in that sort of dumb surfer guy kinda way, hella cute not gonna lie.

“DUDES. Stop trying to distract from my trick! What the hell!!” Steve-O says from off my car. “HAH, sorry Steve! Go on ahead, we’re all watching!” Johnny yells to Steve-O. Steve-O is about to do his trick, already starting to push off his board when.. ‘BEEP, BEEP, BEEP’ my car horns start blaring. Shit..I think I hit something on my car keys shiiiit!! “AH, fuck!” Steve-O yells before totally eating shit off my car. All of his friends laughed their asses off, I ran to go help him though. “ Dude! Are you okay??” I yelled. Steve-O, getting up, said “Ouch, yeah dude, i’m used to that kind of shit, don’t worry.” I figured as much, since he was a skater after all. Johnny walks up to us though from where the guys were STILL laughing at. “That’s what I tried to tell you earlier, doll, we have a tv show where we basically just hurt ourselves for fun!” I was a little shocked by the information honestly, not that I’m against it, just not a common thing to hear I guess. “Oh huh? That sounds kind of fun.. would it be crazy if I joined in on one of the episodes one day? I’d do some shit like that too!” I said, sounding a little more excited than I meant to. “HELL YEAH! we could use a chick in the gang!” Johnny said back.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆ Time Skip ⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

Later that night, I was just so excited to talk to all the guys, Steve-O and Johnny gave me their numbers so I can talk to them about tomorrow on set. They said this guys… ‘Jeff Tremaine’ would love me, and I hope so, I’d really love to be a permanent member of the shows crew.

Next morning, I woke up to texts from Steve-O and Johnny.

Johnny:“Y/Nnnnnnn where are you? We’re about to start some filming, come join!!”

Steve-O: “Yooo y/n where are you? Gotta have a buddy here today, Chris isn’t on set today😞”

Shit, didn’t I over sleep? Better get going..I reply back to them, “Omw!” and go take a shower. After my shower I go back to my room. Whaaat to wear what to wear? Something cute but not too cute, I’ll probably end up getting dirty. I ended up putting on something more casual and started driving to the address I was given.

The place looks kinda weird, big building but it has a very official office like feeling to it. I text Johnny that i’m here and I hop out of my car. Johnny jogs out the front doors to the building, “Hey y/n! What’s up? Ready to start filming? We’re dealing with simple stuff today don’t worry!” Johnny says excitedly. “Oh, sweet yeah we should head inside then, i’m ready to get started right now!” We walk inside, and i’m greeted to Jeff Tremaine almost immediately. “Hey Y/N, heard a lot about you from the guys already, I hope you’re ready to get hurt, heh!” Truthfully, I wasn’t, in the slightest.. but these guys all seem super cool so I feel obligated to now. “Yeah, little nervous but i’m sure it’d be okay, right?” My comment made Johnny chuckle a little. “Oh sweetheart, you’re in over your head huh.. these guys tase each other every day. Hope you’re okay with that!”

“Oh shit..”

End.

This is so bad, SORRY. I didn’t write any romance into this one either because I thought it’d be better to start off easy. Please please give me suggestions, tips, anything helps. Let me know if any of you actually did like this, for my first fic i know it’s bad but i’m learning! Thank you!

[philscoupons]

guest of honor - (johnny knoxville x steve-o x f!reader)

word count: 1.7k tags/warnings: smut. threesome. f/m/m. very slight alcohol consumption. nsfw. this is literally just smut. there's no plot. summary: it's self-explanatory, and i'm bad at summaries. a/n: i did not proofread this. i've had exams all week and my brain is fried. enjoy.

Johnny and I had talked about the idea before, of bringing another person into our sex life, even if it was just once. With that said, I never thought he'd actually go through with the idea. He brought up his plan over dinner one night, "I was thinking about the conversation we had a few nights ago, you know, about another person joining in and all." 

I set my fork down, my eyebrows raised in surprise, "So, what do you think?

“I think I’m on board, and I think I know the perfect person, too.”

“I’m intrigued, who do you have in mind?”

I racked my brain and couldn’t decide on who exactly Johnny might have chosen. My guess was it was between Chris and Steve-O.

“Steve-O,” he said hesitantly, “Only if you’re okay with it though.”

“Oh, I’m more than okay with that, Steve’s a sweetheart. Have you brought it up to him?”

Johnny smiled sheepishly at me, “Yeah… and he’s coming over for drinks later tonight.”

“Oh, wow, okay, you’re really on board with this.”

“I can tell him not to come over if you’re not ready.”

“No, no, I’m ready, it’s just a bit of a surprise.”

Johnny still looked unconvinced. 

"A good surprise," I added. 

"If it's alright with you, darling." 

Things got off to a bit of an awkward start when Steve-O got to our place. He seemed more nervous than Johnny and I did, which was understandable considering he was the one imposing on our relationship. We all sat down on the couch to talk it over.

"I promise, both of us are more than okay with this, O," Johnny reassured him. 

"Yeah, we've talked it out, and I trust you and Johnny." 

"Okay, yeah, that's good. Are there any lines I should know not to cross?" 

Johnny looked at me expectantly. 

"Oh, uh, yeah, just, wear a condom, and the safeword is just the traffic light system." 

Steve-O looked to Johnny and Johnny nodded to confirm. 

"Okay, got it, that's easy," Steve looked a little more calm now.

“Why don’t you put something on the TV, and I’ll go grab drinks?” “Sounds good to me,” Steve-O and I both agreed.

I ended up picking some old western, nothing we’d pay too much attention to, and when Johnny came back with drinks, I settled onto his lap, making myself comfortable as Steve-O sat down next to us. After taking a few sips of my drink, I leaned in to kiss Johnny, threading my hands through his hair. He sighed happily, holding me by my hips and kissing back lightly. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Steve-O shift in his seat. I pulled away from Johnny and beckoned Steve-O closer, "Come here, Steve." 

He leaned in close to me, letting me initiate the kiss. Steve-O kissed like Johnny did, soft and sweet, but with more hesitancy. I pulled away for a second and made eye contact, "Calm down, just go with it, yeah?" 

He took a deep breath, "Yeah, okay," he replied before flashing a small smile and leaning back in to kiss me. 

We both got more into the kiss this time, and I parted his lips with my tongue, taking what he gave me. I could feel Johnny getting hard under me, and I could only assume Steve-O was reaching the same point. When we pulled away to catch our breaths again, I ran my hand down Steve's chest, palming his crotch. I could feel his half hard-on through his pants and rubbed it lightly.

His hips followed my hand when I pulled them away, and he keened at the loss of contact.

Johnny chuckled, which I cut off by grinding my hips down onto his quickly hardening dick.

"Both of you guys are getting off on this, huh? You like sharing me?" I teased.

Steve turned red and Johnny nodded, "You're the best, sweetheart, it'd be a shame not to share."

"I'm doing okay so far?" Steve-O asked.

"You're doing perfect, hun," I reassured him, giving him another quick peck on the lips before turning my attention back to Johnny again.

He threw his head back as I rolled my hips down against him again, and I took the opportunity to kiss down the exposed column of his throat.

“Can I tell you what I want?” I asked, mouth pressed against his pulse point. “Anything you want, darling,” Johnny breathed out. “Can I suck you off while Steve eats me out?” I heard both of the boys’ breaths catch in their throats at the shameless request.

“You okay with that, O?”

Steve-O nodded eagerly at Johnny and I’s request, “More than okay with that. I’ll follow you guys lead.”

I moved off of Johnny’s lap and turned so Steve had space behind me on the couch. Johnny pulled his pants and boxers down as I slipped out of my shorts and underwear. I pulled my knees up underneath me, and leaned down to take Johnny in my mouth. 

He groaned and threaded his hand through my hair as I licked up and down his erection. “God you’re beautiful,” he said, absentmindedly. While I worked over Johnny’s cock, Steve-O situated himself behind me, getting in a comfortable position before grabbing my hips and licking a stripe up my cunt. I moaned around Johnny’s dick, causing him to tighten his grip in my hair, and let out a quiet moan of his own.

Steve-O ate me out like a man starved, alternating between licking and fucking me with his tongue. He added one finger, and then another, pumping them in and out as I felt the telltale signs of orgasm approaching. The closer I got to my climax, the less focus I put towards Johnny’s dick as my jaw went slack.

“Are you gonna cum on Steve’s fingers?” He asked, pulling me off his dick so I could answer properly. “Y-yes,” I managed to choke out before biting back a moan.

“Go ahead and make her cum, Steve,” Johnny commanded. 

I whined wantonly, and he let my head rest on his thigh as my orgasm washed over me.

“That’s my girl,” he said, quietly, hand still lightly tangled in my hair. Steve-O continued to eat me out, eagerly lapping up the result of my orgasm until he had swallowed most of it. I kept my head resting on Johnny’s thigh as I caught my breath. “How’s she taste?” “Unbelieavably good, dude.” I blushed as they talked above me, like I wasn’t there. I took another second before looking up at Johnny. “Your turn to choose?” 

“I say we let our guest of honor choose, Steve-O?”

Steve smiled and adjusted himself in his pants, “Well shit, your mouth looked pretty wrapped around Johnny’s cock, I’d love the same treatment.”

I nodded and began to switch positions before Johnny gently grabbed me, “Verbal responses, sweetheart,” he reminded me.

“Yes, I’d love to do that,” I corrected myself.

“Atta girl.” All three of us moved so Steve-O was now sat on the couch, shirtless and pants-less, I was on all fours between his legs, and Johnny had lined up behind me. Johnny grabbed a condom out of his pocket and handed it to Steve-O, who rolled it over his dick.

“Whenever you’re ready, baby,” Johnny said.

I started with kissing down Steve-O’s chest, admiring his tattoos and brand mark, slowly making my way towards his dick. By the time I was hovering over it, he had tangled his hand in my hair, and was pushing my head lightly down. I let him, and closed my lips around his dick. Steve-O let out a sigh of relief as the warm heat of my mouth surrounded is dick. I relaxed my jaw and let it slide down my throat, looking up to meet the desperate look in his eyes.

As soon as my nose bumped his navel, Johnny pushed into me, bottoming out in one thrust.

We moaned in unison, and the vibrations of mine traveled down Steve-O’s cock- which he promptly thrusted up into my mouth. I reminded myself to relax and breath through my nose as Steve-O and Johnny got into an alternating rhythm; as one thrust in, the other pulled out, stringing me out between their dicks. Tears of pleasure sprang to my eyes as I was filled from both ends and Steve-O used his free hand to wipe them from my cheeks as they ran down my face.

“Darlin’- I might not last long like this, watching you take Steve’s cock so well,” Johnny groaned out. His hands tightened on my hips, sure to leave bruises.I replied by using what little conscious brain power I had left to grind my hips back onto Johnny’s dick.

“Fuck she’s pretty, and so, so, good,” Steve-O added, tightening his grip on my head.

My focus shifted to the man in front of me as he began using the leverage in his grip to wholeheartedly fuck my mouth. My brain and body began to short circuit, overridden by the amount of pleasure the two men were giving me, Johnny filling me from behind while Steve took what he wanted from my mouth. I could feel my orgasm pooling quickly in my gut, threatening to spill over. Johnny quickly recognized this as my body began to squirm in his and Steve’s grip. He picked up his pace and encouraged Steve-O, “Keep going, she’s so close.” “Wouldn’t dream of stopping,” Steve replied with a groan of his own.

The moan I let out around his dick quickly turned into a muffled shout as my orgasm came crashing to a peak. Both of the boys’ hips stuttered and they both moaned my name as they came in unison with me. My vision blacked out for a moment as the warm feeling of climaxing washed over my entire body.

“You alright, sweetheart?” Johnny asked as my vision came to.

“M’alright.,” I smiled, voice already hoarse.

I turned my head lazily to see Steve-O waddling to go throw his condom away and laughed at his dumb walk.

Johnny kissed my forehead before helping me up and back onto the couch. 

“We should do this again sometime,” Steve-O smirked as he walked back towards us. “Agreed,” Johnny and I both said in unison.

[knoxvilleforever]

Surprise - Johnny Knoxville x Reader

request: Hello! Sorry to bother you but I was wondering if you could do a Johnny Knoxville X female reader (who is also apart of the crew) and it’s Johnny’s birthday but they all find out it’s also the readers birthday? And Johnny has had a crush on her for awhile so this makes him all excited. I share the same birthday as him (different year tho lmao)

The group of men huddled in a group in front of you was enough to rouse suspicion in any situation, but particularly on the set of Jackass.

As you got closer you could hear attempted whispers and people talking over each other, but you couldn’t quite grasp what they were saying.

‘…just remember you have to keep it a secret.’

‘Right. Secret, got it, don’t tell Johnny or-’

You interjected, ‘don’t tell Johnny what?’

The boys turned to you in surprise and a few of them jumped, making you giggle at how skittish everyone is whilst you’re working.

‘Shit, Y/N! You scared us!’ You picked the voice out as Steve O, who was still in the middle of the huddle as he spoke to you. ‘We were just-’

‘O! Shut up!’ Weeman interrupted, knocking Steve O’s arm to keep him quiet.

‘Dude we can tell her! We’re surprising Johnny with drinks tonight!’ Dave whisper shouted, whilst you heard a groan you could tell belonged to Jeff. ‘For his birthday!’

‘You guys are fucking useless.’ Jeff had his head in his hands whilst he looked at the confused group. ‘As I was saying earlier, don’t tell Johnny or Y/N. You guys share a birthday, right?’

You had a light blush to your cheeks as all the boys were now looking at you, ‘Uh, yeah! But don’t worry, I’ll keep the surprise quiet. Only if the rest of you can.’ You narrowed your eyes at Steve O and Dave in particular. ‘I hope Darf isn’t invited to the party.’

‘How did none of us know it was your birthday too?’ Steve O questioned, which explained the confused look on the rest of their faces.

You shrugged, ‘I guess it just never came up.’

‘That’s so weird! You and Knoxville! You’re like twins!’

‘Different years, remember Chris.’

‘Anyway, now these assholes have ruined your surprise too, let’s keep this quiet around Johnny.’

‘Keep what quiet around Johnny?’

You couldn’t mistake the Southern accent that sounded behind you, giggling at the multiple echoes of ‘shut up!’ that sounded from the rest of the guys.

‘Man, you guys are keeping secrets from me! Look how guilty you all look!’ He chuckled as he leaned against the wall of the corridor, giving you chance to admire him. From his signature chucks to the sunglasses perched on his face, you didn’t need anymore convincing why he catches so much attention when you all go out.

‘You’ll tell me, won’t you sweetheart?’ If you could see his eyes you’d know he was mirroring the way you were just checking him out, except the slight nod of his head gave him away a little.

‘My lips are sealed. It seems like I’m the only one who can keep a secret around here.’ You directed at the still silent group of boys opposite you.

‘Yeah like the fact you and Knoxville share a birthday!’

‘Dave!’ The collection of voices shouting at poor Dave made you drop your head in your hands as you laughed.

‘I can’t believe you never told me that! We really share a birthday?’ It was easy to hear the excitement in his voice, and if you weren’t so busy laughing at the current attack on Dave you’d realise how endeared you are.

‘We really do.’

‘Then we have to celebrate!’

‘I have a feeling that’s already been arranged.’

The next night you were just about to leave your apartment for the bar around the corner the guys told you to meet them at, when there was a knock on your door.

Swinging it open you were met with none other than Johnny Knoxville, and it took you a minute to speak after taking in the sight of him.

‘Johnny!’ Your eyes wandered up and down him unashamedly, before snapping out of it and recollecting yourself. ‘Oh, happy birthday!’

‘Happy birthday to you, sweetheart. You look…’ he paused and mirrored your previous action, that left you with more confidence than usual, ‘you look amazing.’

‘I could say the same about you. You clean up pretty well, Knoxville.’ You grinned, ushering him inside. ‘I thought we were all meeting at the bar?’

‘Well that was the plan, but I wasn’t gonna let the birthday girl arrive alone, right?’

‘Oh c’mon. Now I feel bad I didn’t think of escorting you out for drinks, birthday boy.’ You teased, fighting back the blush on your cheeks at your newfound flirty demeanour. Was tonight the night you’d finally do something about your crush?

‘I’m sure I can find a way to forgive you.’ As you put your heels on Johnny wandered over to you, glancing at your now lessened height difference.

Your breathing shallowed as you thought about this being the closest you’d ever been in such an intimate setting with Johnny, lifting your chin to find him glancing between your eyes and your lips.

‘And what would that be?’ You tilted your head to peer up at him, taking your chance to memorise the curve of his face.

‘You’ll have to buy me a drink before you find out.’ Johnny winked and you crumbled under his stare, giggling and leaning your head forward so it rested on his chest.

‘You really do look beautiful, Y/N.’ He lifted his hand to your chin to bring your gaze back up to him and all of a sudden it was you who couldn’t keep your glance from his lips.

‘Well, it’s someone’s birthday so I really had to dress to impress.’ You spoke softly, as if any loud noise would shatter the moment you’re in.

‘They must be pretty lucky if they get you to celebrate with.’

Your eyes fluttered shut as soon as you felt Johnny’s lips graze against yours softly, and then more firm as leant his body into yours. Both your hands found their way to his chest whilst his slid down your waist, pulling you closer if it were even possible.

Your heart was racing a mile a minute but everything was still and calm, like it were meant to fit into place. You felt your cheeks burning as you pulled away, not before Johnny pressed another light kiss to your lips.

‘You’re not gonna have to buy that drink for me to forgive you if we carry on like this.’ His voice was low and showcased the twinge of his accent, complimented by a slight chuckle.

‘We’re not going to make it to the bar if you keep looking at me like that.’ You giggled, looking over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. ‘We’re already fashionably late.’

‘The guys can wait. We’re the guests of honor, remember?’ Johnny leaned in again to leave a trail of kisses from your lips down your neck, and you let yourself indulge as much as possible until he was getting dangerously close to your cleavage.

‘Johnny, you can’t miss your own birthday drinks.’ You grinned as he dropped his head to your shoulder.

‘I had a feeling you’d say that.’

When you eventually made it to the bar, you were led through the door with your hand linked with Johnny’s. The smile on your face hurt when you saw the entire Jackass crew there for you and your other friends, many of them probably nursing their third or fourth drink already. Who could blame them, you were pretty late. Despite their earlier mistakes, the guys threw a pretty good party.

‘Surprise! Kind of!’ You heard multiple shouts and couldn’t help the laugh, even if it wasn’t the most well hidden surprise.

‘Here they are! Finally! What were you guys doing?’ Jeff questioned with a smirk on his face, and you avoided eye contact as best as you could.

‘I had a birthday gift for Y/N that I had to give her.’ Johnny grinned.

‘Well, I hope she liked it!’

You dipped your head out of embarrassment, feeling Johnny’s hand on your lower back.

‘Oh believe me, I hope so too.’

[abbatoirablaze]

Fated, Chapter 6

Word Count: 2.2k

Warning: fluff, angst, mentions of spining, werelion dynamics, insecurities, smut, knotting, a/b/o dynamics

“You know, I don’t live too far away…” Curtis tried to offer as he watched the beautiful woman in front of him. Autumn gave him a curious look, quirking her brow as if to doubt him, and he bit his lip, giving another small smile, “okay, I live out in the mountain…with my four brothers.”

“That sounds like how a slasher film starts,” Autumn laughed, trying to make a joke while sipping on the coffee that Curtis had bought her. While she knew that the brothers weren’t slashers, she just wanted to flirt and spend more time with Curtis. She’d never seen him smile so much as she had now, in town, “cute guy invites the new girl in town up into the mountains with four backwoods brothers waiting on standby the slaughter her…I can only imagine the headlines when they find the body.”

Curtis smiled, his head ducking slightly. She watched as he licked his lips, and his thumb ran over the bottom one, “did you just call me cute, new girl?”

Autumn blushed, her cheeks tinging pink as she looked away from him. His deep, rich laughter made her blush deepen as his hand reached across the table. She noticed it and her eyes flickered back to his as she inched her hand away from her coffee cup and towards his, “and what if I did? Would that affect your choice on selecting me as a victim, cute mountain man?”

“I’d probably ask you on a real date,” he admitted slowly, his calloused fingertips gliding over her manicured nails, “one where I’m not returning your purse to you because you dropped it on the street… and definitely the one that doesn’t end up with you in the headlines.”

“Oh darn, here I was hoping to become famous.”

He chuckled, “would a date be something that you were open to? If I asked you on one?”

“If you did…I’d probably like that,” she admitted back. Her index finger lifted just enough that it raised above his finger and the two of them messed around back and forth, the smallest amount of contact making the two of them feel as though electricity was being passed back and forth.

By the time Curtis’ cell phone rang, both of them had long forgotten about their coffees, which were almost cold enough to be considered an iced drink and had been silently flirting back and forth. His smile left him when she unlaced their fingers at his ringtone, as though it was an electrical shock whose current was too high. One that was unpleasant.

“Shit,” he cursed, his face contorting into a displeasured look, “the backwoods brothers…my guess is I should have been back with the victim a while ago…”

“Yeah?” Autumn giggled, biting her bottom lip, “what got you so caught up? Isn’t she cooperating?”

“Think I broke the cardinal rule of being a mountainous murderer…got a crush on the victim,” he chuckled, causing the blush on her cheeks to get darker, “she’s driving me crazy.”

“You should get that.” she urged. Curtis nodded and stood up to grab his phone out of his pocket. He’d hardly noticed when he answered it that she’d already snuck out the door and disappeared down the alley. She looked back down the side street wistfully, upset that she wouldn’t be able to continue with her little interactions with him. But she’d already made too much contact. She frowned, “hopefully I get to see you again soon.”

“You really want to know?”

Rain bit her lip and looked to the younger of the brothers, “yeah…I-I want to know…is it different for both of you, or is it…the same?”

Both Steve and Johnny blushed. While they both knew the differences between their appendages, neither one had cared to admit how they had come to know it. But it was Steve that spoke, “there…are, well…there’s some differences…but we both spine.”

“Oh.”

Rain had blushed as Steve reached across the table, “we wouldn’t hurt you though. I want you to know that…we-“

“I-I kind of liked it that Jake was rough with me.”

Both Steve and Johnny froze. They had not expected her to say that. Johnny’s brows raised as he looked at the innocent looking nymph, “excuse me?”

“I…uh…well, the first night, Jake was very soft…and it was sweet, because that was my first time with someone that wasn’t a nymph…” she said quickly, “but…nymphs aren’t very aggressive lovers…so on the morning we went to get Ember, I-I asked Jake to be less tender…I think I like that more. A-are lions and dragons more aggressive in bed?”

Johnny smiled and licked his lips. Instinctively his dragon was already breathing hard, waiting to pounce on the small nymph, “sweetheart, I can be whatever you want me to be.”

Meanwhile, Steve’s breath hitched in his throat. Big cats could be aggressive in bed. But they were also more reserved in public with their emotions, unless someone else was coming in on their claim. Then they were downright deadly. But how was he to explain that to her? Steve never had trouble getting a woman into bed, but he did usually have an issue keeping them there once they found out how aggressive he could be.

“M-maybe you should start out with Johnny,” Steve muttered, excusing himself from the table, “I-I’m going to go upstairs.”

Before she could say anything, Steve had disappeared up the stairs, leaving her with a very content Johnny. He was checking her out as she looked up the stairs to where Steve had disappeared, “d-did I do something wrong, master?”

Johnny’s dragon growled happily. He loved how she looked, the words spilling from her lips as she called him master. It made his cock twitch in his jeans. He wanted to bend her over the table and spine her right there. But then he saw her eyes, how they seemed to be filling with tears that were threatening to spill over.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he reassured her, instantly trying to sooth her, rubbing small circles on her back. He leaned over and kissed her temple. She turned to him, “Steve…he has issues in the making love department. A lot of women don’t deal with big cats because they can get really…really aggressive.”

“You mean like…he would hurt me?”

“No,” he said with a shake of his head. He took one of her hands in his own and began playing with her fingers, “at least, not intentionally. Steve is a good man…a great big brother. He taught me everything I know…except, well things are really different when it comes to sex…when each of us have sex with a partner. Dragons put a lot of thought into the act. It’s about worshipping our mates and making them feel good…sex for the big cats…lions, panthers, tigers…it’s more about ownership and mating. I think he’d be more worried about cutting you accidentally with his claws…or if he was to spine you. Big cats are great at aftercare though…if they can get a mate to stay that long.”

“D-does anyone ever stay with Steve that long?”

“No…” he sighed, looking away from her and up to the stairs where Steve had disappeared, “they don’t.”

“Oh…”

“Come on…let’s go outside,” Johnny offered, trying to change the subject, “you’re a water nymph, right? I’d love to see what you can do in the water.”

“Yeah…okay Johnny.”

Jake hadn’t shifted. He didn’t want to scare Ember. But as he chased the scent that was fresh through the tunnel and into the forest, he knew he was quickly losing it. He felt like he was going insane, as all he could smell was the spicy cinnamon, the warm vanilla, and the smokiness of a campfire. His cock twitched angrily in his jeans as he ran towards the scent. He was going feral and he knew that he had to find her soon.

But after just a few minutes, he began to lose the trail. And a panic began to rise in his chest. The panic brought along the shame that he wasn’t a worthy alpha, and his hunt began to slow.

What kind of alpha would bet his mateship on something so stupid?

What if he didn’t capture her?

What if she really had gotten away already and he went back to the house without her?

The thought made him sick. Made him worry that maybe his brothers were right all those times that they said he shouldn’t have been born an alpha. And he thought to what his life would be like if he couldn’t find her.

He couldn’t go back to his brothers. Couldn’t go back to sleeping with Rain. Sure…she would probably take him back…but even he could see that he was just a job in her eyes. He didn’t mean anything to her. He saw how she looked at Steve. How she went after Johnny the second she saw that he was hurt.

As he reached the dip of the mountain, and looked into the valley below, he began to feel more and more hopeless.

What kind of jackass would do this? They’d just captured her. And suddenly, she’s gone. And it was all Jake’s fault.

“Maybe I’m not meant to be anyone’s alpha.”

‘Maybe I’m not meant to be anyone’s alpha.’

That one sentence tugged on Ember’s heart strings. Hearing how sad he was when he said the sentence aloud made a whimper tug at the back of her throat.

She knew that she felt an attraction to him. There was definitely chemistry between her and him…but love was a weakness…a disease. She’d loved her sisters and had almost died from defending them from Ash when they were born.

Ember was terrified of what baggage would come open and what may come after her if she agreed to be the wolf’s mate.

But she looked above herself. Jake had moved from the top of the mountain’s ridge, and had turned back to the way he’d come, half-heartedly searching for her. She sighed to herself, knowing that there was no going back to the volcano.

There was no fake happy ending there. She looked to the still active eruption, where it’s top had blown, and the black smoke had turned an off-white even after almost a full day later. And she knew that suddenly, that wasn’t home anymore.

The gorgeous, dorky alpha felt safe. He felt right…looking at him, he felt like home.

So, she saw him dip east, towards the town, and she managed to sneak past him. And when they were almost to the edge, she purposefully turned, and stepped on a twig, breaking it underneath her foot.

“Mate.”

Feigning surprise, she looked back to see a renewed Jake. His eyes were wild, and he looked hopeful as his eyes captured hers. The tiniest corner of her lip turned upwards as she turned and ran. Her lips turned fully into a smile when she heard his heavy footfalls behind her, the leaves crunching beneath his shoes.

She felt alive running back towards the house. Felt so excited, knowing that he was willing to chase her. And then she felt two firm arms, wrap around her waist, and the two of them went tumbling to the ground.

And while Ember was graceful, everything seemed to go in slow motion. Jake held her, capturing her in his arms. She never hit the forest floor. No. Jake had maneuvered them so that he took the brunt of the fall, her legs splayed over his torso as her barely covered core rubbed against his jean clad cock.

“Little mate,” he rumbled huskily. His hands were eager as they explored her body, shredding the scraps of fabric that had covered her, “I caught you.”

Her response was to pull him up to her face by his tee shirt, their lips slamming together in a fevered passion. He held her in his arms, not daring to even think about letting go. They only momentarily stopped kissing as she pulled his shirt off of him, throwing it to the ground beside them both.

“Take me, alpha,” she whimpered against his lips as she fought to tear his jeans off him. Jake rumbled from beneath her, flipping them both over so his body hovered over hers. He ground his hardened member over her, and she hissed at the harsh contact of the denim on her slicked core as he continued to sloppily kiss her, “take me alpha…I’m yours. I’m all yours.”

“I’m gonna give you my knot, little mate,” he promised as she finally managed to unbutton his jeans and push them down to his thick thighs. He groaned as he lined himself up at her entrance, coating himself in her slick, “fuck, I’m going to fill you up, little mate. Gonna show you who your alpha is.”

“Knot me, alpha,” she begged, letting go of every insecurity and inhibition that she had as Jake thrust into her. She gripped his shoulders tightly, arching into him, “Jake. Fuck. Fuck, alpha.”

“Say it,” he begged, needing to hear the words from her lips, “say it!”

“Make me yours, mate,” she begged throughout her moan, “I belong to you. I belong to you!”

Chapter 7

[tell-dally]

Worthless

Johnny Cade hated Sylvia. Even before Dally told him she cheated on him, he hated her.

Why?

Because hearing her name reminded him of his sister. His sweet, loveable siter who would save up her measley allowance for months just so she could buy him ice cream or chocolates on his birthday. His thoughtful sister, who would take him to spy on schools so he could learn.

His sister who ran away when he was thirteen. His sister who his parents had said jumped off a cliff because she didn’t want him.

When he was fifteen, his father told him that someone agreed to pay for his education, so his lifelong dream was fullfilled. But it was all wrong, because Sylvia wasn’t there.

But no matter what he did, he couldn’t blame her. Who would want a kid like him? No wonder his sister left.

The day he met Dally’s girlfriend was the worst day of his life.

---

He had been sitting on the sidewalk after his parents kicked him out, when a girl had come up to him. She had silky black hair and creamy skin.

She hesitated for a minute before saying, “Johnny Cade right?”

“Who’s askin’?” he had choked out.

She sat down next to him, and offered him a chocolate bar. He stared at it suspiciously, wondering if he could trust her or not.

“I’m Sylvia.” she said softly, smiling at him.

“D-Dallas’s girl?” he said, scooting away from her. He had heard her rep, he had seen Dallas look lost and broken when he thought no one was looking after the first time he discovered that she had cheated.

She smiled sadly, and Johnny couldn’t help but doubt whether she really cheated on Dally. She didn’t seem the type. “Go on, honey, eat it, will you Sugar? It might make you feel better.”

Putting aside his thoughts, he took the chocolate bar and slowly munched on it.

“Your parents do this?” she asked, voice trembling as she fingered one of his cuts and bruises. He thought he detected a hint of anger in her voice.

He only nodded. Deciding not to push it, she switched the topic. “Do you go to school?”

He swallowed, wiping his fingers on his jeans. “Yeah. For ‘bout a year now. I like it okay, it’s fun. Least I don’ ‘ave to see the old man or my mother.”

He flinched suddlenly as he accidently pressed down on one of the bruises when he leaned back.

“Oh, you poor thing, come here.” she said, scooting closer and enveloping him in her arms.

It was an action so similar to that of his sister’s he shivered at the thought. She kinda looked like her too come to think of it. But his Sylvia never wore as much make up. He just let her hold him for a while, stroking his hair. She then leaned down and kissed his head.

“Hey!” a voice called.

They both looked up to see a furious Steve Randle marching towards them. “Don’t be tryin’ any o’ your tricks with our Johnny, Sylvia.” he said, spitting her name like it was a curse. “Get out, just wait till Dally hears what you’ve been up to when he’s in the reformatory.”

Her cool, collected mask faltered for a second at the mention of Dallas Winston.

“I-I don’t... I didn’t-”

“It don’t matter what ya did. GET OUT!” he shouted, and she hurried off casting a wistful, longing look over her shoulder.

Johnny knew Steve was trying to look out for him, but he had a habit of taking things like this too far.

“She didn’t hurt ya Johnny, did she?”

“N-No, Steve, I think you got it wrong, she was just-”

“No.” he said, cutting him off. “Your the one who’s got it wrong. Broads like Sylvia... They ain’t like Evie. They ain’t sweet and loyal, they’re bad business. And you better stay away from ‘em, because do you remember what ‘appened to the last guy she was with when Dally got his hands on him.”

Johnny shuddered as he remembered the state he’d been in when the ambulance had come. Steve placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Just be careful, okay, Johnnycake?”

Johnny thought she was just being nice, but he guessed he didn’t know much about girls. He liked Steve’s girl, Evie, she was alright, but he remembered how when he’d met Sandy he had been sure she was flirting. When he’d told Soda there was something about her that rubbed him the wrong way, he’d just laughed and told him to quit hallucinating.

“Alright.” he agreed. “I’ll be careful ‘round her.”

---

It didn’t matter, because Johnny never saw Sylvia again.

[danddymaro]

Johnny Storm x Reader x Steve Rogers

Part 1: The Boyfriend

Word count: 1861 

Seriously, I’d been wanting to do this for a long time. He played them both well, and I thought it’d be pretty fun. I mean I  like messy triangles.(for my sake they won’t be too long of parts, maybe just 4 in total.)

And yes, yes, I have other shit not continued, but I honestly plan on doing it... 

Its just work... and so much more Shit I have going on. I’m so worried about disappointing people, here and in Real life.

(｡ŏ﹏ŏ)

Oh well...

Everything is the same with reader inserts.

Italics are Flashbacks = Example

Italics with quotations are thoughts = ‘Example’

................................................................

She’d only agreed to have him visit because she assumed no one would be home.

She wanted to avoid questions at all costs, not until she was certain,

‘ Great, ‘ She thought to herself , knowing how it seemed to have some guy over while everyone was out...

She wasn’t ashamed of him, just unsure of what to tell everyone, especially the man before her,

“Hey Steve...” she said dumbly, nervously taking a soft chew of her inner cheek.

“Hey...(f/n) ,” he said awkwardly, “ (f/n) , and...” trailing off giving the two other people an opportunity to introduce the new person,

“Oh... Johnny,” (f/n) started, sounding less than enthusiastic to continue on with an introduction, stiffly standing in between the two men, “Steve, this is Johnny,” she said lowly, stepping aside to let Steve get a good view of the younger male who waved amiably . 

“ And Johnny, This is Steve.” She said smiling crookedly, holding out her hand over to the elder male in order to present the first Avenger. 

With a glorious grin, the hot-headed male looked over at the other man, eyebrows raising up high as he got a close-up look of him. “Wow, you’re really jacked up,” he commented. “Way bigger than I imagined,”  he added, holding out his right hand out towards Steve in order to properly shake. 

“Johnny Storm,” he said introducing himself, “ It really is a pleasure to meet THE captain America,” he added with the same widespread smile, linking his hand to the other male with a hearty shake as Steve extended his own arm to him.

“Johnny Storm? “ Steve repeated uncertain, but with a nod to indicate the name had stuck. 

During the interaction he strayed his eyes to  (f/n), giving her a brief look of the same uncertainty and question. 

 And sure enough, she could tell just what he wanted to ask,

“Oh, well...Johnny...He’s... “ She started off uneasily. 

‘What exactly is he?’ she asked herself. 

‘I could say he’s a friend... but .. he’s not really a friend,’ she thought to herself.

‘We have hung out a lot lately ... but he’s not my boyfriend either,’ she also went on. ‘I think we’ve well established nothing’s really there,’ she went on.

 For just a fraction of a millisecond her (e/c) colored eyes drifted off to Storm, a purse to her lips taking form, ‘Correction, I’VE well established it, and he’s being the same idiot as always,’ She thought with exasperation.

They'd been introduced with the intention of ending up as a couple, but from the young woman’s standpoint it wasn’t a match. 

Johnny was handsome, as well funny, being overall a charming guy when you look past his ego. He wasn’t a bad guy, but she had already set her eyes on someone else, which just so happened to be the man standing before her, waiting for an answer,

‘This is all so confusing,’ She told herself. ‘Messy and confusing,’

Admittedly, she had grown attached to Johnny, and was intent on continuing to see him, but only as a buddy. 

‘Only as a friend,’ she reminded herself, having to do so far too often.

“ I’m willing to accept it,” Johnny said nodding, “for now,” he added, making her drop her shoulders, because he had assured her there was something there. 

Because he was convinced otherwise,

“You’re just hung up on someone else,” he pointed out, surprising her with the statement. 

Because she hadn’t told him, not even mentioned a name...

“It’s pretty obvious, “ he replied, shrugging with a soft sigh, “ Otherwise you'd see how prefect we are for each other,” He added, managing to hit her with doubt.

For a moment she bit her lip, thinking that perhaps that was the problem, Maybe she was to distracted with Steve to actually give Johnny a try.

‘Between these two...’ She started, ‘ I’m really staring to have doubt,’ She told herself, taking back her earlier musing, because she hadn’t really made it clear to Johnny. 

She didn’t downright reject him, and had in actuality given him a maybe. 

Her fickle behavior was partial to blame...

“ Judging by you’re expression i’m guessing your thinking about it right?” he asked her, sounding just a smidge too smug. 

“So who is it?” he asked her, leaning onto the table with open ears, waiting in expectancy.

“Why do you want to know?” she asked him, turning from him, looking elsewhere, feeling her face heat.

Leaning back onto his chair he chuckled, tipping his head back just a bit as he laughed, “ I want to know what guy is trying to steal my girl,” he said while grinning.

He’s never serious, and she’s never certain,

“He's my...” 

‘My what?’ She asked herself again, feeling butterflies as the two men gazed at her.

It was then that the younger male interjected, 

“Boyfriend,” Johnny answered for her, cutting her off immediately with that single word, making her snap her eyes over to him instead, peeled so wide open that they could very well simply pop out of their sockets. 

‘Boyfriend...He’s my boyfriend?’ (f/n) thought swallowing down hard.

‘He says...

He thinks...

He’s my boyfriend,?’

While she did feel anxious and annoyed... she also felt tickled pink.

‘Only a friend.’ (f/n) argued with herself. ‘I see him as only a friend,’

“Boyfriend?” Steve repeated, his grip instantly tightening onto the other man’s hand, but as he realized what he did, he released his hold entirely, letting his arm fall back in place. 

“You two are dating?” he asked them both, but more specifically focused on (f/n), wanting to hear it from her. 

But again the other man spoke, this time putting his arm around her, bringing her close to him with a strong snuggle. He gave her a kiss over the crown of her head, the sound of his lips smacking together coming out exaggerated as he did so, “She’s so cute,” Johnny said amused, “ You know I just love seeing you blush like that,” he added, in a low tone, his hot, minty smelling breath touching her ear, worsening her flushed face and making it grow darker with rouge.

involuntarily she shuttered, feeling him so close, having his arm wrapped around her and his lips almost on her skin.

“Anyways,” Johnny started, placing his attention back to Steve, “ We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now, “ he added, “Right babe?” he said addressing (f/n), staring down at her with his pretty blue eyes. 

Panicking she gave a weary chuckle, “ O-Oh yeah! We had met a while back... “ She answered back, which hadn’t been a lie. She had met him about three months ago, being introduced by Stark himself. 

“ Yeah...we've been dating for a couple of weeks now,” she informed Steve, which of course was a big fat lie.

“ what would it be?  like about three... No...Four weeks ?”  Johnny asked her, questioning her and putting her more on the spot. She began to gnaw at the tip of her tongue, “ oh...” she said softly, “ Three...  I would say three,” she chatted, adding more to their lie.

‘Why am i doing this?’ She asked herself, mentally kicking herself.

“ That's quite a while now...” Steve commented rather blankley. “ yeah,” Johnny answered back “ it is isn't it ?” he said with a chuckle, “ but you know when you're with the right person...well time just flies by, right babe?”  he asked (f/n). 

“ Yeah, “ she breathed, looking right at Steve.

‘The right person...’

 Catching herself gazing too long she shook her head, batting her eyes, trying to force herself from eyeing him for too long.“ I'm sorry Steve,  we kind of have to go,” she said softly, giving him an apologetic smile.

She hastily grabbed the other man's hand within hers and pulled him along behind her,  briskly walking and leaving Rogers alone.

 “ Have fun...” he muttered non-enthusiastically,  his lips pressing together tightly, not even able to form a  false smile. His right hand lifted up in a  lifeless manner, not even having the will to wave at them.

.....................................................

Once in the closed elevator (f/n) pushed Storm back, her face completely overtaken by the color red as she glared at him, “ what the hell is wrong with you ?!” she exclaimed. “ We are not dating!”  she said to him,  her voice rising just a bit into a squeaky tone with how completely taken back by his claim she was.

“Relax, Relax,” he coaxed her putting up both his hands in defense as he tried to calm her.   

He then placed them on her shoulders, almost crushing them in his hold, bringing her close. “ come on babe, calm down!” he told her, making her stare at him like as if he had gone completely insane.

“babe..” she muttered.

Normally she’d brush off the little endearment , but in her current shame filled rage she shook at it,

“ you can't be serious!” she said in disbelief, “ you don't think we're actually dating right?!” she questioned him.

‘DO you even know if your dating?’ Her inner voice argued back in a sassy fashion, causing the woman’s teeth to tighten.

 “Well then why did you go along?” He asked her cheekily. “ Maybe perhaps you actually do like me, right?” he said coming down towards her, nearing her in a dangerously close manner, his nose grazing hers. 

He could see all the little specs in her eyes with his proximity and continuing on playfully he smiled at her, his hands landing on the side of her cheeks, ignoring the wild flame in her eyes.

 The part of him that loved playing with fire was drawn to the dangerous gleam, wanting to melt along with her.

And for just a moment her breath hitched, her lips trembling as she slipped into a lightly drunken state,

‘He’s so stupid...’ She told herself, ‘He’s so annoying...’ 

“But so sexy...” she muttered, unknowingly leaning into him more, just a hairline from smashing lips, 

“See,” he muttered, “ I told you you wanted me,” he said while giving her a quick , rushed peck.

Falling back from her high, her right hand swung, whipping above him and missing as he ducked. “ Chill! Chill!” he said continuing to laugh, being quick to grab both her wrists. 

“Why are you so stubborn?”he asked her, quick to pin her against the wall. 

He could easily melt her, knowing he had his effect on her. Well aware of the attraction they had for one another, it bothered him moreso to know what stopped them was one person,

‘Just one person,’ He thought to himself, knowing that if she would have laid eyes on him instead, she wouldn't have had the will to fall in love with anyone else.

‘I would have never wasted time,’ He added, biting his lower lip as he resisted the urge to dive down again and get an actual kiss.

‘But we’re just friends right?’ He silently asked her, 

‘ That’s what you say...

That’s what you want to feel too...’

Sighing , he released her, 

‘That’s why I have to go along with it and pretend...

If it will keep me close to you I can pretend,’

[tasteslikepepsicola]

Somebody Else (Sodapop Curtis x Reader Part 2)

Part One - please read first!

Y/N confronts the boys about what each of their relationships with her mean to them. A party at Buck’s is sure to cause drama when Y/N shows up with one of them, and the other proceeds to get drunk out of their mind, becoming Y/N’s responsibility.

Word Count: 4800+

Warnings: drinking, slight angst (not really)

Authors Note: Hey guys! Hope you all enjoyed part one, and heres part 2! I hope to have part 3 up within a week. I am not sure how much longer this story will continue, but I do not believe it will extend over 5 parts. Please like, share, and follow! Your support means the world <3 

As Y/N approached the D.X, her heart thumped. She could see Sodapop working on a car inside the garage. However, Steve wasn’t in sight. She watched the movie star handsome boy wipe a bit of sweat from his brow, and pause to take a sip of water.  As she came closer, he finally noticed her walking towards him.

“Hey, Pepsi-Cola” Y/N hummed sweetly. 

“Oh, hey, Y/N” He went back to working on the car, trying to look like he was concentrated on it, but Y/N could tell by the way he stared blankly at it, pretending to fidget with it, that he was just trying to seem uninterested in what she had to say.

“I’ve barely seen you the past three days,” she said.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“I tried calling... but um Darry and Ponyboy answered each time I called, you never seemed available. I even stopped by today hoping to see you, but um- your brothers told me you were at work so I-” she was abruptly cut off.

“Guess I figured you were too busy fooling around with Steve to want to see me.” He shrugs nonchalantly, but his words sting.

“Soda, it’s not like that, you and I both know that.” She takes a step closer to him, trying to reach out for his face, to rub off a smudge of dirt he got while working on the car. But he pulls away sharply.

“Really? Do I? Do I know that it’s not like that? Cause neither of you told me you cared for each other like, like- that until you got caught.” His anger fades and his voice breaks by the end of his sentence. His tone softens, “were you even going to tell me?”

“Soda, that was the only time Steve and I did something like that, I- I don’t even know why we did it. We didn’t even kiss. We just got caught up in the moment.” Y/N realizes how desperate she sounds for him to believe her, but she doesn’t care. “Please believe me…” her voice trails off.

Sodapop stands above the hood of the car he was working on, anger prevalent in the way his muscles are flexed from gripping the edge of the car so tightly. 

The desperation begins to leave her voice as Y/N becomes more frustrated, and it is replaced with indifference.

“I get that it was shitty to see your friends act so out of character, but it was one time, and there’s no reason for you to be reacting the way you are.” At those words, Sodapop breaks.

He slams the hood of the car shut aggressively, Y/N jumps back. The Sodapop she knew never acted like this. He runs his hands through his hair, tugging at it, he looks like he wants to punch something. He sighs, calming himself down. Finally, he makes eye contact with her with a softened expression.

“You’re right, okay? If you want to date Steve, that's fine. I don’t care. At all. Make out with him all you want.” He flails his arms around, exaggerating every gesture, like he often does when he's upset. “Just don’t do that shit in front of me, or in my house.”

“No, you don’t get to ignore me for three days because of one stupid decision and then pretend you’re okay with it because its easier than dealing with the truth.”

He laughs sarcastically. “Oh so now there’s some whole big hidden meaning behind why I’m upset that my two best friends betrayed me?”

Y/N stands there silent for a minute. Could she be wrong? Did she misinterpret what Darry and Pony had said? No, Soda has to be jealous, that's the only explanation. But what if she's wrong? What if she only believed it so easily because she wanted it to be true?

Softly, she asks, “isn’t there?”

He looks away from her, and down at the ground. “No, there isn’t.” He replies.

Y/N could feel her heart drop in that moment. She hadn’t even realized how much she had wanted it to be true, how much she wanted Sodapop to care about her the way she always cared about him. 

“Fine.” is all she says as she walks away from him, and through the doors of the D.X. Regardless of the hurt she may be feeling, she still owed someone else an explanation.

Above her head, the small chime of a bell rang, alerting the cashier of her presence. Another young teenage greaser stands at the cash register, mindlessly flipping through a magazine that looked to be about cars. He’s tall, with slicked back, thick black hair. He almost looked like Steve, but tanner and with chocolate eyes different from Steve's signature green. 

Y/N walks right up to the boy, as he chomps on a piece of gum obnoxiously, eyeing her up and down. 

“What's cookin’ good lookin’?”

Ugh, he did not seriously just use the cheesiest pick up line I’ve ever heard. Y/N sighed, rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly a little self conscious.

“Is Steve here?” she asked, fed up.

The greaser boy smirked at her. “So you’re Y/N?” he let out a low whistle. “You’re even prettier than I imagined. And trust me, he was talking about you a lot, so I thought I had a good idea. Anyways how did a girl like you end up with someone li-” he was interrupted by a flustered Steve running out of the stock room. 

“Y/N!” he forces a smile. “I see you’ve met my friend Jess,” he slaps Jess on the back, a little too hard to be considered friendly. 

Jess turns to look at Steve, casually, then points back at Y/N, “Your girlfriend is here.” He says smugly.

Steve and Y/N both immediately rush to explain, speaking at the same time.

“Woah woah woah buddy you are way off base. We are not dating. Nope”

“She is not my girlfriend, okay? We’re just friends.”

Jess lets out a small laugh, ignoring their claims, and heading back to the cash register. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. But um, if you’re not dating then, does that mean you might wanna catch a movie sometime Y/N.” He nods in her direction, flashing a smile.

Steve defensively puts an arm around Y/N. “Yeah, nope. That’s not happening on my watch.” He replies.

“Relax Steve-o, I’m just messin with ya.” Jess winks at Y/N, causing Steve to glare back at him. 

Quickly, Steve checks his watch, then smiles. “I’ve still got fifteen minutes left of my break. Y/N, take a walk with me?” he offers.

“Sure,” she accepts.

Jess returns to flipping through the pages of his magazine, as Steve and Y/N walk out of the convenience store, past the garage, and down the road they had walked so many times before. It almost felt like old times, Y/N reminisced about a time when she, Steve, and Sodapop would all walk to the D.X and she would sit at a short distance watching them fixing up cars. Y/N would never admit she actually found it kind of boring, but she appreciated any time she could spend with her friends, since their schedules were already so packed. She also knew the days she would watch them at work they were always happier, having a little more distraction and just slightly more fun. And, if she was being truly honest, she had always loved the way Sodapop looked when he was really into something he was doing, it was one of the only times she ever saw him have a passion. He was a dropout, there weren’t many options for a guy like him. And he needed to provide for his family, he didn’t have time to pursue his interests. But cars, well they seemed to genuinely bring him excitement and joy. And for that, Y/N was so grateful.

“So,” Steve starts, unsure of what to say next. “I guess we should talk about what, um, ya know, happened that night with the gang.”

Y/N nods, knowing he didn’t know how to continue. Instead of watching him struggle to find the words, she prompted him, “Well, what did it feel like to you? Was it just fooling around, or did it mean something?” Y/N asks, unsure of which answer she would rather hear.

“Honestly, I could stand here and lie to you and say I didn’t feel anything, but I just can’t anymore. I- I didn’t know I felt the way I did about you. But then you were just, there, in my arms. And your skin is so soft, and your hair smells like flowers, and um-” he pauses, blushing. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I care about you. But also, if you don’t feel that way about me, we can just pretend this never happened. It’s not like I’m in love with you or anything but-”

“Steve?” she cuts him off, smiling up at him.

“Hmm?” he hums.

Suddenly, something comes over Y/N, she doesn’t owe anyone anything. Sodapop has made it clear how she feels about her, and she might have a real chance at happiness with Steve.

“Can I just, um try something?” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Uh, sure.” he replies, unsure.

Y/N tries to steady her breathing, before wrapping her arms around Steve’s neck, standing on her tiptoes to reach him, and leaning in to kiss him. He meets her halfway, and before either of them fully understand what they’re doing, the two of them are kissing. Y/N feels warm, and safe, and comforted, like Dally pulling her into his lap with a blanket, or Darry holding her while she cries because she had another horrible fight with her family. It’s like how Ponyboy always listens to her no matter how frivolous her topic of conversations seem. It’s like how Two-Bit never fails to put a smile on her face. It’s how Johnny always gives up his jacket when she says she's cold. It’s almost like the butterflies she feels in her stomach when Sodapop says her name.

When they finally pull away, they are both smiling at each other. 

“Wow,” is all Steve says.

“Yeah,” is all Y/N can add.

“Alright, I know this is all new and I don’t wanna scare you off, or think I’m trying to be exclusive all at once but um- do you wanna come to this party with me Friday? It’s at Bucks which I know isn’t your usual scene, but most of the gang will be there and, I don’t know, I’d love to have you there with me.”

Y/N kisses him on the cheek swiftly, “I’ll be there.”

“I’ll pick you up at eight?” he beams.

“It’s a date.” she replies.

*****

Friday came sooner than Y/N could have ever expected. A thousand nervous thoughts ran through her head. But truthfully, what did she have to be afraid of? It was still Steve, and she was still Y/N. They would always be best friends above all. 

All her attempts to reassure herself were equally matched with the nagging thought, would Sodapop be there? But no, she was just being paranoid. She knew as well as everyone that Soda was not the partier type. He never touched a drop of alcohol, he always talked about getting drunk off life instead. Y/N finally managed to push her thoughts away from Sodapop so she could focus on getting ready for the night.

She settled on a simple white flowy sundress that fell just above her knees. She let her hair do its natural beach wave type-of-thing, and used a few bobby pins to make it look a little more intricate. She kept her makeup light and natural, as always, with just a bit more mascara and a lip gloss with a peachy tint.

Once she was done, she looked in the mirror and was reminded of how good it felt to dress up a little from time to time. She had always been relatively girly, and although she certainly doesn’t wear flannels and boots everyday, she still had to stick to some form of the greaser look. But tonight, it looked like she could party with the Soc’s any night. Y/N loved the look, hated the actual concept of a Soc party. Although she doesn’t go out much, when she does, she would much rather be with her own people.

Y/N checked the clock across her room, and noticed it was now 7:58 p.m, meaning Steve would be here any minute. She has just enough time to apply a dash of her signature perfume, before there's a knock at the door. Luckily enough for both her and Steve, her parents weren’t home, so they didn’t have to face any interrogation about where they’re going and when they’ll be back.

When she opened the door, she could have sworn she saw Steve’s eyes bulge out of his head.

“Y/N, you look...incredible.” He barely manages to get the words out.

She giggles, cheeks heating. “Thank you, so do you.”

The two of them stand there staring at each other for a moment.

“Uh, Steve? Shouldn’t we be going now?” Y/N inquires.

A second passes before he seems to return to reality. “Oh yeah, of course. Sorry, it’s just- you look really beautiful.”

Y/N smiles at the ground for a second, before replying. “Okay, smooth guy. Let’s get going now.” She loops her arm through his as he escorted her to the car.

*****

When they enter the house, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes fills the air. Loud music is playing, it seems a couple card games are already going on, and the night is just starting.

The couple immediately sees Dallas and Two-Bit and makes their way across the room to them. 

“Guys! You made it!” Two-Bit exclaims.

“And...together?” Dally questions.

“Well, I mean, we’re here together, but we’re not together.” Y/N tries to explain.

“Ahh, and how does Romeo feel about Mercutio stealing his Juliet?” Dallas quips.

Y/N is stunned for a second, “Wow, since when does Dallas Winston reference Shakespeare?” she asks.

“Since I heard Ponyboy use that exact same phrase an hour ago and he had to explain to me what it meant. I’d figure you’d get it Y/N.” He laughs.

“Oh, trust me, Romeo and Juliet is my favorite Shakespearean tragedy, but I still don’t get what you’re meaning to relate it to.” Y/N added.

Steve let out a nervous laugh, before placing his hand in the small of Y/N’s back. “How about you and I go grab a drink, Y/N?” Steve suggests while leading them off. “Catch up with you later guys!” He shouts, already halfway across the room.

For another hour or two, Y/N tried to let loose, she had a couple drinks and danced with Steve. She was having a great time, no doubt. But she still couldn’t push Dally’s words out of her mind. He was quoting Pony? About Steve and Y/N… The whole situation was messy and she was trying to piece it together as she sat at an empty table watching Steve play a game of pool from a short distance.

And all of a sudden, from across the room, none other than the handsome greaser who she had been trying to push from her mind all night walks through the door. Sodapop Curtis is at one of Bucks crazy parties. But why? And then it clicks all at once. Ponyboy must have been trying to say that, well, if Y/N is Juliet, Steve is Mercutio, that means...Soda is supposed to be Romeo? But in some messed up version where Juliet is at a party with Mercutio, and kissing him, and making out with him during movies with Romeo just feet away. 

Y/N felt light headed, trying to process where she was and what she was doing. Sodapop told her there was no hidden meaning behind his passive aggressiveness. He assured her he was just mad because he was shocked, because it could break up their friendships. He practically told her he wasn’t jealous. He couldn’t be Romeo, he couldn’t feel that way about Y/N. Ponyboy must have been severely misinformed.

Before he can catch her staring, Y/N pulls her gaze away from Soda, instead opting to grab onto Steves hand, and leading him onto the dance floor once again. She can feel his eyes on them as they dance, his burning gaze that he had no right to be plaguing her with. Maybe it was the liquid courage, but Y/N thought to herself, fine, if he wants to stare, might as well give him something to stare at.

Just then, she pulls Steve close to her again, crashing her lips on his, while they continue to sway to the music. When they finally come up for air again, Sodapop is nowhere in sight. 

“What was that for?” Steve grins.

“You just look so darn cute when you dance,” she replies, pecking him on the cheek. 

Another hour or so passes by, and the party is in full swing. But Y/N has yet to see Sodapop since he first walked in.

“You know, I’m gonna go grab another drink, you want anything?” She asks Steve.

“I’m alright, thanks though.” he replies.

She swiftly saunters off, pushing through the crowds of people, scanning their faces for an all too familiar one.

After a few minutes of wandering, and almost completing a whole lap around the party, Y/N is about to give up. Remembering she was supposed to come back with a fresh drink in hand, she makes her way into the kitchen. Of course, in the comical mess that was Y/N’s life, a very intoxicated Sodapop was standing next to Jess as he handed out drinks. Y/N cautiously approached the pair.

“Y/N! Steve actually managed to convince you to come?” Jess joked.

She let out an uneasy laugh, “yeah, I guess he did.”

Sodapop completely avoids Y/N’s eyeline, huffing at the mention of Steve.

“So what can I get you?” Jess asks. 

“Just another…” Y/N pauses, lifting up her drink to inspect it. “Whatever this is?” she replies unsure, giggling a little.

“Coming right up, beautiful!” he replies, before ducking deeper into the kitchen to retrieve the drink, leaving Y/N and Soda alone together, for the first time in days.

The silence is practically unbearable, so Y/N decides to be the first to end it. She takes a seat at the table next to Sodapop. Around them, people dance, sing, kiss, scream, and fight. But not here. Here, at this remote island Y/N finds herself stuck on, it’s just her and Sodapop, not knowing what to say.

“Hey,” she begins with.

He rolls his eyes over to meet hers, over exaggerated annoyance apparent on his face. “Hello, Y/N.” he states. 

“How have you been?” she questions.

“Grand.” he says sharply, crossing his arms over his chest.

Y/N puffs out her cheeks, lost for words. She’s about to go find Jess and head back to Steve, and she even stands up to leave before she feels Sodapop reaching for her.

“Wait...don’t leave.” he slurs out. 

She sighs, but ultimately sits back down.

“I’m sorry I’ve been like this, the past few daysss.” he extends the last word, sounding barely awake. 

Y/N says nothing, waiting for an explanation. 

He realizes she isn’t just brushing him off and he continues. “I- I just don’t like-” he pauses, tilts his head back, and scrunches his eyes shut for half a second before quickly continuing. “I don’t like seeing you and Steve together. All in my-” he gestures his hands around his head. “all in my face.” he finishes.

Y/N bites her lip, not knowing what to say next. He eagerly awaits her response.

“I know, Pepsi-Cola, and I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you earlier.” she apologizes.

He lets out a sharp laugh. “That's ironic isn’t it?” he stares down at the table, seemingly not focused on anything.

Y/N feels her brows knit together like they do when she’s confused.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

Suddenly, Sodapop looks stone cold sober. “It just didn’t matter to him at all did it?” he says.

Now, Y/N is more confused than she was before they started talking. She wasn’t even sure how that could be possible.

“What didn’t?” she pushes for an answer.

“I’ve been in love with you since the seventh grade, and he still took you from me, like it- like my feelings, our friendship- like it meant nothing.”

Y/N’s heart sinks. Her head whirls. Her breathing halts. The world stops spinning, just for that moment. That moment where Sodapop said he loved Y/N. Loved...loves? She tried to replay what his exact words were, but her brain couldn’t produce a coherent thought.

“You’re drunk, Sodapop.” is all she can say.

“In fact I am, Y/N.” he replies.

Just then, Jess reappears, a drink in hand. He places it in front of Y/N proudly.

“Thanks, but I actually don’t think I’m gonna need it. I really think I should bring Soda home.” Y/N places her hand over Sodapop’s forehead, who looks like hes about to be sick. 

“What do you mean? The party’s just starting! It’s barely past midnight- and I haven’t even gotten to show off my impeccable dance moves to you yet.” he jokes.

Y/N keeps a hand against Sodapop’s cheek. He wraps his arms around her waist, as she is now standing while he remains seated. She messes up his hair a little, affectionately. 

“While that is quite tempting, this dumby here is kinda my best friend. And he’s pretty much the biggest light weight you’ll ever meet.” She says, helping Soda rise to his feet. He slings his arm around her for balance. “So with that being said, if you could do me a favor? Tell Steve something came up and that um- I had a great time. And to call me when he gets home so I know he got back safe.” She smiles at Jess, about to leave before turning around and adding, “And if you wouldn’t mention that I left with Soda?” she says barely above a whisper.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He winks at Y/N, before heading back to serve more drinks.

When they had finally made their way out of the party, they began the short walk across town, to the Curtis house. 

*****

Wow, that walk takes a lot longer when you’re dragging your drunk buddy behind you the whole time. Y/N notes. Darry and Ponyboy are both fast asleep by now, so quietly she sneaks Sodapop into the kitchen. 

She manages to get him to sit at the counter without breaking anything in their path. She quickly grabs a glass from the cabinet, fills it with water, and leaves the room for a moment, before returning with a couple aspirin in hand.

“Take these.” She hands them to Sodapop, watching as he swallows them to make sure he does. “And drink all of this.” She taps the glass.

He smiles at her, amused.

She can’t help but feel her face slightly light up at his sudden cheerfulness. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks.

“Cause you love me,” he hums.

Y/N’s heart races, but she attempts to remain composed.

“Of course I do, you’re my best friend.” she reasons.

“No, not like that Y/N. Never like that. Okay? We’re more than that. I love you. You see?” His motions still indicate he’s intoxicated, but not quite as heavily as he previously was. 

Y/N pours herself a glass of water, too, and stands across the kitchen from him, leaning against the counter. 

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Sodapop.” Y/N mentions.

He smiles obliviously, before shouting as loud as he can, “I love you Y/F/N! I am in love with you!” She immediately rushes over to him. Clasping a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh my god Sodapop, what are you thinking? Are you trying to get us killed? In about two seconds Darry is gonna run in here and he’s going to see that you are drunk and then-”

Sodapop grabs Y/N, pulling her into his lap. Y/N removes her hand from his mouth, in shock by his blatant neediness. 

“Why don’t you just kiss me already, Y/N?” he whispers to her. At this point, her heart is racing so fast, that Y/N is sure he can hear it beat. And as much as she wants to, she can’t do this.

“No Soda, come on, not like this. We’re better than this. If we’re gonna do this, our first kiss will not be in your kitchen at one A.M when we are both drunk.” She kisses his temple lightly, before standing up and offering him her hand. He takes it half-heartedly as she leads him to bed.

“So you’re saying you’ve thought about it then? And want it to be special?” he inquires.

Y/N rolls her eyes and giggles. “I didn’t say that Pepsi-Cola.”

“Well I’ve thought about it. A lot. More than I should possibly.” When he says this, Y/N swears she’s died and gone to heaven. Or that she must be dreaming. 

Finally, they reach Ponyboy and Sodapop’s shared bedroom. Pony is sound asleep, somehow, despite Sodapop’s previous screaming. 

“Okay,  smooth guy, let's get you to bed.” It isn’t until the words leave her mouth that she recalls how she used the exact same nickname earlier in the night, to her date, Steve. A wave of guilt comes crashing over her. She tries to brush it off, and focus on the task at hand.

Sodapop struggles to take off his shirt, so Y/N helps him, while he manages to take off his belt and jeans. Standing there in just his underwear, Y/N tosses him a shirt she grabbed from his dresser. He quickly puts it on.

“Turn around, I need to get dressed too.” she states. Sodapop obliges, quickly turning around. And then there is silence as Y/N reaches behind her to try to unzip her own dress. Even in his drunken haze, with his back turned to her, Sodapop knows she's struggling.

“Uh- do you need help?” he asks innocently.

She sighs, “Actually, yes.” Y/N replies.

Finally, Sodapop stands behind her as she holds her hair up and away from the zipper. He is extremely cautious as he unzips the tight dress, and it falls off her body, and to the floor softly. For that brief moment, there was a shared intimacy between them- the tension was so much. It was almost like, Y/N could have just turned around and kissed him. Well, she could have. But it wasn’t right. Not yet. They had waited years for their time, it certainly wasn’t right now.

Sodapop’s cheeks turned a bright red, flushed, and he quickly turned around to hide this from Y/N. She threw on one of his oversized shirts, and noted that it smelled so much like him and found comfort in that. She taps him on the shoulder, “you can turn around now.” she adds.

“Oh,” they face each other once more.

“Let's get you to bed Pepsi-Cola.”

And then, shes at his bed side. Guiding him under the covers, leaving a glass of water on his nightstand. And wanting nothing more than to stay there with him, possibly forever.

She kisses him on the cheek, “goodnight, Sodapop.”

“Why do you always sleep on the couch, there’s enough room for two people in the bed.” he yawns through his question.

“There's already two people in the bed silly,” she glances at Ponyboy, who remains sleeping.

“I guess that's a valid point…” he mumbles. “Have I mentioned that I love you?” he responds.

“A couple times.” She kisses him on the nose. “Now goodnight, for real, Pepsi-”

“Do you love me Y/N?” he asks with pleading eyes.

Maybe it was because she just wanted to go to bed, or maybe it was the alcohol, or even because deep down she knew it was the truth, but Y/N responds, “Of course I do, Sodapop, I always have, I always will.”

“Always?” he asks.

“Always.” she repeats, before closing his door, and heading to the couch for an inevitable restless night's sleep.

[averagemarvelbitch]

PROMPT LIST CHALLENGE

Challenging myself to write 50 short stories based on a prompts list.

1. “We’re not just friends and you know it”.

Alternate Universe / Stony

Warning: There is a scene where someone exposes someone else’s sexuality and I tried to make it clear that’s NEVER okay. I hope I succeeded.

Tony just couldn’t understand. He tried, God knows he tried, but he couldn’t seem to grasp why Steve would want to keep this, them, a secret.

They had been together for two years now. Tony remembered the day they met like it was yesterday. Rhodey got tired of his roommates shenanigans ― Tony had been in a “inventing spree” for three days, which meant little food, smelly clothes and very deep dark circles under his eyes ― and decided enough was enough. He took Tony by the ear ― literally, he might add ― and locked him in the bathroom until he took a shower, shaved and put on clean clothes. When he resembled a normal person again, Rhodey took him out to a party to get some air, see some people, you’re gonna go crazy in there all alone with your bots, man.

The party was a typical frat party. Lots of booze, lots of people, lots of chances to hook up. And it was there Tony met Steve. He had been in a corner, looking around like he wanted to be anywhere else but there, drinking beer from a plastic cup. Years after, Tony would swear to anyone that it was love at first sight. The minute he saw Steve standing there, with his way too small white shirt, and his blue pants, and his hair looking like freaking Johnny Bravo, he knew he had found the one… The one to spend many nights under the sheets doing things that would make a very experienced hooker blush.

So Tony approached him carefully. He’d learned the hard way to never assume a guy was, well, interested in guys. Straight men could be real dick heads about getting hit on by another man. So he introduced himself with a smile, asked for Steve’s name, which he promptly gave, and they started talking. As the party went on, they talked about everything… college, parents, favorite movies, favorite food, how cool is the new Star Wars movie, and on and on. At one point, Tony asked if Steve was interested in going somewhere private. They ended up in Steve’s apartment, with a very satisfied Tony being thoroughly fucked against a wall.

It could have been just a fling. They could have parted ways the next morning with a very sore ass ― in Tony’s case ― and a wonderful memory to cherish. But Tony woke up to the smell of coffee and freshly baked bagels and went to the kitchen, only to find a very naked Steve wearing a Captain America apron. Needless to say, breakfast was forgotten as Tony sucked Steve’s cock right there on the floor and the blond moaned his name until he came in Tony’s throat.

After that, they would meet regularly. Sometimes, when Steve had a bad day at work or had had a particularly difficult assignment, he would call Tony and they would watch a movie, eat Chinese food and fuck on every available surface in the small apartment. Other times, when Tony was frustrated with some new invention that just wouldn’t work the way he wanted or angry at the fact that every single person in MIT was too goddamn stupid, Steve, I swear to God, he would show up unannounced, already taking his clothes off as soon as the blond opened the door, and he would forget all of this troubles as Steve tore him apart, kissing every inch of his body and pressing him roughly against the mattress as he slammed his cock inside Tony again and again and again until the brunette was covered in cum, murmuring nonsense as he came back from his high, completely and utterly satisfied.

But it wasn’t just sex. They would do other things too. Every week, they’d rent a movie and watch it while cuddling on the sofa. Sometimes, they’d go out for a walk and have hot dogs at the park, or go to Howie’s and have cheeseburgers with fries. They did many couples thing and so, really, no one could blame Tony for thinking they were, in fact, a couple, even though they’d never said it out loud. Maybe Steve didn’t like labels or whatever, but they were definitely dating. Or so Tony thought.

Six months after that party ― and a LOT of mind blowing sex ― Tony begun to notice some things. It all started on a fateful Tuesday. He’d had a very bad day, full of uninteresting classes and way too many assignments due next week, not to mention the lovely phone call he’d gotten from his father earlier, in which, as usual, Howard specified every single thing that was wrong with Tony in a very disappointed voice. All the engineer wanted was to see Steve, to cuddle with him on his very uncomfortable couch and watch bad TV while complaining about everyone and everything as Steve hugged him and stroked his hair. A perfect night for a otherwise shitty day, he thought as he knocked on the door.

Only, when Steve opened the door, he didn’t immediately invite Tony in, which was odd on itself. He kept the door somewhat closed and, when he smiled, it looked more like a grimace than a actually “happy to see you” smile.

“Hey Tony, what are you doing here?”

Tony looked very confused for a moment.

“Uh… I… had a shitty day, thought we could watch crappy TV and eat some Mexican food. Are you… Are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, totally fine”, he answered, taking a quick look inside before turning to Tony, the door still almost closed, as if he was afraid Tony might just walk in if he opened it a little bit more.

“Ok… Can I come in, then?”

“Uh, you know what, I have a friend over, so maybe we could meet another ti…”

“Hey, Stevie, who’s at the door?” a voice asked from inside the apartment.

In a second, the floor flew open, revealing another man. He was tall, with a prosthetic arm, a beard and long hair, pulled together in a bun on the top of his head. But Tony didn’t pay much attention to any of that. He was too busy staring at the pained look in Steve’s face.

“Oh, hey, I’m Bucky”, the guy said, offering his hand.

“Uh, I’m…”, Tony started to say, but a desperate Steve interrupted him immediately.

“This is Tony. He’s a friend from MIT”.

“Oh, cool, you wanna come in? We’re just gonna play some Call of Duty and chill”.

“He can’t stay. Maybe some other time, right Tony?” Steve interrupted again, looking at Tony with a desperate look on his face.

And Tony had to admit. That hurt him worse than a kick in the balls. He had heard about Bucky, of course, he was in every single one of Steve’s stories. But it was obvious that Bucky had never heard of him. Who doesn’t tell their best friend about their boyfriend?, Tony thought. But that was the thing, wasn’t it. Steve hadn’t introduced him as his boyfriend or his partner, he had introduced him as a friend. Not only that, but he was desperate to see Tony gone as soon as possible.

“Yeah, yeah, I, uh, I was just passing by and I gotta… I gotta go now, so… Yeah, sorry to bother you, Steve, I guess I’ll see you around”, as he said the words, Tony was very aware that he sounded like a kicked puppy, but he couldn’t help it. Without waiting for a reply, he just turned his back to Steve and his friend and got the hell out of there.

That night, he got fifteen calls from Steve, three voicemails and a dozen texts. He ignored all of them. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, least of all Steve. He was deeply hurt and had never felt so stupid in his entire life. Of course they weren’t dating. Tony should have seen it coming. He laid there on his bed and remembered every single moment he spent with Steve out in the open. They never held hands when they were in public. They never hugged, never kissed, shit, even when they went to those restaurants, Steve never even sat close to him. He always kept his distance, and at first Tony thought he was just one of those guys who didn’t like PDAs, but now he knew better.  Steve just didn’t want anyone to know he was fucking Tony. He didn’t want people to figure out he was involved with someone like Tony. And honestly, who could blame him? Tony was aware of who he was. Howard had never let him forget it. Lazy, good for nothing, never got anything right. And his last two boyfriends, Justin and Ty, had both agreed wholeheartedly with Howard’s opinion on his son. So why would Steve be any different? He should have known. It was stupid of him to think anyone would want him for anything more than just sex. And so Tony spent the whole night hating himself.

The next morning, Steve came over. Tony met him outside of his building while he was getting out with Rhodey. He told his best friend to go along without him, that he and Steve needed to talk. Rhodey wasn’t happy about it, but left anyway, although not without giving Steve the nastiest look first.

Steve looked devastated. “Tony, look, I’m so sorry”.

“For what?”

“For being a dick to you last night. For introducing you as just my friend. I know that really hurt you and I’m so sorry”.

“Nah”, Tony denied, gesturing with his hand as if the whole thing was no big deal, “It’s fine, I mean, what are you going to do, introduce me to everyone as your fuck buddy? That would be awkward, right?”

Steve looked like he’d been slapped when Tony said “fuck buddies”.

“You’re not… Tony, you know you’re not… that… to me”.

“Really? So what am I, Steve?”

“You’re… Shit, listen… I’m… I’m in love with you, Tony, I really am. I never met anyone like you in my entire life and you make me so happy and all I want is to make you as happy as you make me. But… I can’t tell my friends. They don’t know I’m…”, he stopped talking all of a sudden, looking around like he’s afraid someone might hear him, before whispering the last word, “…gay”.

Tony didn’t know how to react. He remembered when he first came out to his parents as bisexual. His mother thought it was just a phase, something that would pass with time. Howard, on the other hand, almost ripped him a new one. He screamed for hours, called Tony every name in the book, told him he was a disgrace to the Stark name and so on and so on. It was horrible. Then he thought about Rhodey and how terrified he’d been when the older boy caught him in a compromising position with Tiberion Stone. He looked livid. He threw Tiberion out of the apartment and he was so angry Tony actually thought Rhodey might hit him or something. And then he started screaming. And Tony almost burst into tears out of sheer relief. What the hell are you doing with that asshole, Tony? Seriously, he punched his last boyfriend in the face, man, in the middle of a party. There’s no fucking way I’m letting you date that abusive asshole, you hear me? He was worried. About Tony. Not angry that Tony was dating a man and hadn’t told him, just worried about his safety. So, you’re not mad?, Tony had asked with a small voice. I’m mad about a lot of things you do, Tony, like leaving the freaking screwdrivers in the middle of my living room or drinking the fucking milk straight for the carton. But I’ll never be mad about who you are, man. I can promise you that.

So Tony got it. He did, really. The fear of coming out and not being accepted, of losing the people close to you because they can’t accept this very important part of you. And he really did like Steve. Like he never liked anyone before in his life. So he made a decision.

And so, for the past two years, much to Rhodey’s displeasure, Steve and Tony had been secretly seeing each other. Bucky, and his girlfriend, Natasha, knew Tony only as “Steve’s friend from MIT” and seemed to think nothing of it. Sometimes, Natasha would try to set Steve up with one of her friends, and Steve would politely decline while saying he just didn’t have the time for that. And it killed a little bit of Tony when it happened, but he would stand there, every time, a fake smile on his face as he pretended to be Steve’s very straight friend.

And it had worked. It wasn’t ideal, and Tony hated it, but he loved Steve and he was willing to suffer if it meant they could be together. Everything worked fine. Until today.

They were at Steve’s apartment. It was his birthday. All of his friends were there. Sam, Bucky, Natasha, Clint, Thor. He’d invited some of Tony’s friends as well, like Bruce, Rhodey and Pepper. They had beer, vodka, pizza and a huge cake with “Happy Birthday, Dumbass” written in icing, courtesy of Bucky. It was all good, until Natasha came over and started talking.

There were in the kitchen when it happened. Pepper, Rhodey and Bucky were opening pizza boxes and getting paper plates, and Steve was sitting on the counter, drinking a beer while talking to Tony, when Natasha showed up.

“So, Steve, I just talked to Sharon. She said she had a great time. Are you taking her out again or what?”

Immediately, the room got quiet. Pepper and Rhodey, who were both very aware of Steve and Tony’s secret relationship, turned to look at Tony, who looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

“What date?”, he asked quietly, looking at Steve.

“It’s nothing, just…”

“You went out with someone?”, Tony asked again, the pain now clear in his voice.

“Yeah, but just to make Nat… No, wait, Tony, stop”, he said, jumping down from the counter, but Tony was already leaving the kitchen.

He ran after him and grabbed his arm, trying to stop him from leaving the house. The others ran after them, stopping at the door, while Clint, Bruce and Thor, who were at the couch playing videogames, stopped and looked at them, confused.

“LET ME GO, I’M DONE WITH THIS. I’M DONE, STEVE. YOU WANNA HIDE YOUR WHOLE LIFE, THAT’S FINE, BUT I’M FUCKING DONE BEING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET”, Tony screamed, pushing Steve away from him.

“Wait, what. Are you guys…?” Clint started asking, looking even more confused.

“NO, we’re just friends”, Steve tried to explain, but Tony’d had enough.

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it”, he shouted, tears coming down his face now, “I tried to be understanding, I tried to give you time, but FUCK YOU, STEVE. WE’RE DONE”.

And with that, Tony left, Pepper and Rhodey right after him.

It took Tony almost two weeks to even resemble a functioning human being again. In that time, he had cried on his bed every single day, unable to hold it in, as either Rhodey or Pepper sat there by his side, stroking his hair while whispering that everything was going to be okay. Tony didn’t believe them. How could anything ever be okay again? Steve had kept him as a dirty little secret no one could ever find out about, cuddling with him at night, whispering “I love you” again and again in his ear, all the while going out with whoever Natasha set him up. It hurt. It hurt so bad Tony honestly didn’t think he could recover from it.

Natasha had called as well. She apologized for setting Steve up with someone else, berating herself for not noticing anything was amiss before. Tony forgave her, of course. It wasn’t her fault. It was his. His fault for believing in Steve, for thinking he could have this. That he could actually be happy.

But after two weeks of feeling miserable and sorry for himself, Tony decided he needed to get back to his life. Steve already ruined my love life, he thought, a bit dramatically, not gonna let him ruin my academic life as well. So, on a Monday, he got up, got dressed, and left the apartment, somewhat ready to face the day. And found Steve sitting on the ground, just outside his building, with a bouquet of flowers on his hand.

“What the hell are you doing here?”, Tony exclaimed, surprised.

Steve, who was staring at the ground looking miserable, suddenly looked up when he heard Tony’s voice and immediately got up.

“Hi”, he whispered, “I’ve been coming here every day, waiting for you to come out”.

“Why didn’t you just ring the doorbell?”

“I did”, he said, grimacing, “Rhodey broke my nose and told me to get lost both times”.

“Good”, Tony replied, satisfied, even though deep down he felt a little sorry for Steve.

“Look, Tony, please, just let me say this. And when I’m finished, if you want me to go away and never come back, I will, I promise. Please”.

He was begging. He looked so sad and so lost, Tony’s heart melted a little. So, he crossed his arms and waited for Steve to talk.

“I… I know I hurt you. Bad. And I’m so sorry. I’ll never forgive myself for causing you so much pain, Tony, really. You were right. The problem was me. Deep down, I knew my ma wouldn’t care if I was gay. And I know Bucky and the others wouldn’t care either. I just… I don’t know, I had this idea in my head that it was different with me, you know. That it was okay for Clint to be gay, but if they found out I was? They would hate me. I don’t know why I thought that, but I did”.

Tony looked away for a moment and exhaled, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry for exposing you like that. That wasn’t cool. You should be able to come out on your own terms and I took that from you. I exposed you to your friends when you clearly weren’t ready to come clean. I’m really sorry about that. It was a dick move”.

“Yeah, it was”, Steve replied, with a huffed laugh, “But I get it. You spent two years hiding for me, Tony. Two years pretending and trusting that I would get the courage to come out one day, and then you find out I went out with some girl. I get how much that hurt you, because if it was me in your place, and I heard you went out with someone else, I’d be devastated. But I need you to know this. Nothing happened. I swear. We ate, we talked, she went home. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t even hug. I just did it so Natasha would leave me alone, you know”.

“Yeah, I get it. I guess we both screwed up”.

Steve nodded, looking down at the flowers in his hand.

“I’m seeing a therapist. She’s helping me with this idea I had in my head, you know. That it’s okay for other people to be who they are, but not for me. I’m getting better”.

“That’s good, Steve”, Tony replied, “I’m happy for you”, he said and he meant it.

“I just… I know it’s a lot to ask, but… Can we try again? I’ll be better this time, I promise. I just… I love you. And I miss you so much. Please”, he whispered, looking at Tony with a pained look.

And Tony thought about it. He remembered every happy moment he had with Steve, and how much he loved him. They had hurt each other, he knew, but they could get past it. He knew they could. So he smiled and took the flowers from Steve’s hand, holding them to his chest.

“How about this time we start with a date?”

And, in that moment, Steve’s smile could light up the entire city.

[69bitterbeingz]

IF YOU'RE GONNA BE DUMB || CH. 3

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DISCLAIMER: This is a reupload from my prev account! best to follow the fic through ao3 [linked below] to avoid any future issues PAIRINGS - johnny knoxville, bam margera, steve-o, chris pontius, ryan dunn x female reader WARNINGS - swearing, drinking, a little suggestive

ao3 version

In the end you didn’t make it to the bar, and apparently that was a controversial decision.

You didn’t actually remember when you passed out last night, but you woke up on your sofa at 11am, disoriented and exhausted. This had to be the earliest you’ve woken up in months , must have knocked out early because of the blow to your head. Through the bleary just-woke-up haze, you heard activity coming from your kitchen, making your ears perk. Someone was in your kitchen? You sure as hell didn’t bring anyone back from that shoot yesterday…

“Mila…?” You guessed.

“Nah, Dan.”

Yay, not an intruder! Your bones creaked miserably as you went from the sofa to the kitchen, but you always feel like that first thing in the morning. Dan was your drummer and a friend from secondary school - long black hair, odd braids twisted into his locks here and there. His hazel eyes always looked sunken, like he never caught a wink of sleep, but his slightly tanned skin hid it well. Like any metal artist, he had countless piercings and tattoos - you were always jealous of his coin slot mod in his ear, but never had the balls to get it done, even when he offered to give you one himself. Despite his appearance, Dan was incredibly gentle and soft spoken, but people always thought him some kind of tough guy . Maybe his stature didn’t help. At this moment in time, Dan was waiting for his tea to steep.

“I would’ve made you a coffee, but I didn’t think you’d be awake for another few hours.” He excused himself, his geordie accent especially thick [or maybe it just felt that way after a week of not seeing him]. You shrugged, rubbing your eye with the heel of your palm.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, I’ll just go get one later.” You leaned against the counter, looking around for his partner. “Where’s Mila?”

“He went to bed as soon as we got back, you know what he’s like.”

Mila, lead guitar, Dan’s beloved [ick][just kidding]. Since Dan is a couple years older than you, he actually finished university, unlike you, which is where he met Mila. Mila was more of a pretty boy, blonde hair pulled back into a short spiky ponytail, with deep brown eyes and a permanent scowl. He was a little taller than Dan, covered in scars and homemade tattoos & piercings. It seems like every night of drinking he comes back with a new one of the three - you tell him he’s shit at all of them, but he’s nothing if not stubborn. Guess he’s a little like you in terms of his brash personality and ‘ fuck you I can totally do it’ attitude. Dan’s even offered to give the guy self defense lessons, but he’s too proud to take them. Idiot. 

“By the way–” Dan’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “Your phone was ringing earlier, few times really. Dunno who’s trying to get hold of you but you should probably ring back.”

Oh? 

Before you could forget, you scurried back into the living room and picked up your flip-phone, checking your missed calls. Two from the same guy, one from last night and one this morning - Chris. Did you remember to text him? You sucked the air through your teeth, probably not. You hit redial and fell back onto the sofa; as Chris picked up, Dan shuffled in the room to nose into your conversation.

“Hey, just woke up.”

“ Morning, just checking in. How’s the head?”

“Good, no complaints.” You leaned forward, rubbing your forehead. “Look, sorry I didn’t turn up to the bar last night.”

“ You abandoned us, I was hoping you’d show up.” You could hear his puppy dog eyes. “ Bam said you were wussing out, but he forgot about it a few beers in. I think he’s bitter you ditched him.”

You scoffed, a little unamused, a little flattered. “Brat. Whatever, I wasn’t gonna drink in case it killed my brain. I stand by that decision.”

“ If your head’s better then come out tonight! C’mooooon, you owe us for last night!” 

The anxious side of you wanted you to be cautious, maybe not go out for a few more nights just to make sure you don’t do any lasting damage. But where’s the fun in that?

“Alright fine, you’ve convinced me.”

“ Yes!! Awesome, I’ll text you the address for the place, we’ll meet at 7! We should go clubbing after, too.”

“Sure, 7pm, got it.”

“ Okay okay, I gotta go but I’ll see you tonight!”

He hung up pretty immediately after that, and putting your phone back down was Dan’s cue.

“...Have I missed something? You don’t have friends.”

“What about you guys? And Valo?” You defended, but he wasn’t convinced. 

“So who was that…? Did you actually put yourself out there?”

“Fine…” You fiddled with your hands. “I went to Ville’s show a couple weeks back, and he had one of his friends backstage, a guy called Bam.”

As soon as you said Bam’s name, Dan’s attention was grabbed.

“Bam Margera?”

You raised an eyebrow. “You know the guy?”

“Yeah, he was in those CKY tapes I showed you ages ago!”

“Oh…” You trailed off. “...I thought I recognised him from that new MTV show.”

“Go on!”

“Fine, anyway, we drank all night, went clubbing, got kicked out and a little beat up, then told me to come to the Jackass set. Did that yesterday and met like… 5 other guys. Even Tony was there.” You looked up at the ceiling as you tried to remember the name of the other guy you met. “I met the director too… Tremaine I think.”

Dan’s jaw damn near dropped .

“Jeff Tremaine? Big Brother Jeff Tremaine? Bloody hell if I knew that stupid show had Tremaine behind it I would’ve watched it.”

You raised your eyebrow. “Y’know, I don’t remember you being such a skater boy mega fan? I thought you were just super into the magazines.”

“Eh…” Dan sheepishly looked down at his mug of tea, drumming his fingers over the porcelain. “...Mila’s a bit of a skater boy.”

“Mila’s whatever the fuck he thinks is cool that week. He’s a chameleon.” You tossed your phone aside and kicked up your legs to recline on the sofa. “Last I checked he was a 'true punk', his words.” Dan didn’t respond, just switched on the TV and started flicking through channels. The mindless slog of the day had begun, much earlier than you were used to.

“So which of those five guys called you?” He kept the conversation going since clearly your brain hadn't started functioning properly yet. You grinned as Bunny’s face popped into your head.

“Guy called Chris Pontius, he’s sweet, likes dressing in little bikinis. He invited me out to a bar, so… guess that’s what I’m doing tonight.”

Dan smiled at you, eventually settling on Comedy Central and taking a sip of his tea. “It’s good to see you getting out the house, y’know? Glad you made some friends.”

You scoffed, hanging your head over the arm of the sofa. “Man, way to make me sound fuckin’ pathetic. Thanks mum.”

“What are you gonna do for the next 9 hours?”

Christ. 9 fucking hours? No way were you waiting that long. With a huff, you swung your legs off of the sofa to stand up, pocketing your phone on the way. 

“Shower, then I’m sleeping for 8 more hours.”

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

You were mostly kidding about sleeping that long, but lo and behold, 8 hours later you woke up to your cell phone ringing. Hazy and bleary eyed, you patted around for the little device lost in the sea of your duvet. Lucky for whoever was bothering you, you found it before it rang out.

“Unh, hello…?”

“ Did you just wake up? It’s fuckin’ 7pm.”

“Bam…?”

“ Get your ass out of bed, we’re picking you up. Where do you live?”

“...Uh, my mother told me not to give my address to strange men.”

“ Haha, c’mon already we’re already driving.”

“Fine, fine.”

As you relayed your address, you could hear general commotion in the background, the incessant snickering of mischievous daredevils. He hung up pretty immediately after, leaving you to get your shit together in time for their arrival. At least you had the good mind to shower before you knocked out, cut down your prep time by a solid hour. By the time the doorbell was ringing, you only just finished getting ready. You gave yourself a once over in the mirror - an old black slip dress with lace trim, ripped-to-shit fishnets, chunky demonias and a red leather jacket. To top it off, you had a silver ring on every finger [you remember Dan once said they were like knuckle dusters]. It was about time you left, if those assholes keep jamming the doorbell like that it’d break. Mila and Dan were cuddled up on the sofa when you ran down the stairs, almost tripping and eating shit when you stepped on your wedge platform wrong. They both waved you off as you ran for the door.

“Have fun.”

“Be back before 11, young lady!”

“Fuck off, Mila.” You yelled back, throwing open the door to see Bam about to spam the bell again. You grabbed his wrist before he got the chance. “Don’t.”

“Nice to see you, sleeping beauty. Let’s go.” 

Bam dragged you out of your driveway to the beat up Toyota Tacoma parked on the street, Chris waving at you from the driver seat. He stuck his head out the rolled down window to greet you with a goofy smile. “Wow, you look exhausted, your head still good?” 

In response, you smiled and knocked on the side of your head. “Good as it’ll ever be.”

“Awesome! Go on, get in!” But as soon as the back seat door swung open, you noticed a problem.

“Uh. Chris there’s only space for three back here.”

“No way, you can totally get four in.” Steve-O insisted, but you doubted it, it wasn’t exactly the biggest car in the world. Sensing your resistance, Bam clapped a hand on your shoulder.

“Guess somebody’s gotta sit on somebody else’s lap.”

His suggestion triggered everyone to start giggling like shitty teenagers, but like hell were you agreeing to what he was thinking of. Wordlessly, you pushed Bam aside and sat next to Steve. At first, Bam seemed confused, but he caught on when you patted your thighs.

“Get your ass in here, Margera.”

And that had them cackling . Johnny was holding his stomach in the front seat like it was the funniest shit ever, but he didn’t have the privilege of seeing Bam fidget and blush. You get why they pick on each other now, it was kinda fun to watch someone squirm. 

“Seriously?” He whined, and you nodded with a smirk. Defeated, hesitant and knowing he’d never hear the end of it, he climbed in and perched in your lap, having to uncomfortably crane his head to accommodate the low ceiling. “I can’t believe this shit.”

“Smile!”

“What?!”

Bam had just a second to react before Ryan snapped a picture on a throwaway kodak.

“Dude, come on!” Bam hissed, but you bumped your leg up to get him to shut up.

“It was your idea, Bammy.” The childish name you gave him didn’t help the red on his cheeks, though there wasn’t much he could really do other than hope the ride passed quickly. You screwed your nose up as you took note of the car’s smell.

“Aw Christ, it fuckin’ stinks in here.” You complained, and Johnny snickered.

“Probably Chris’ jockstraps in the back.”

“His–!” You kicked the back of Chris’ seat, making him laugh. “Why the fuck do you keep your jockstraps in here?”

Chris tried to explain through his giggles, “I fucking live here, man!”

“You live in your car…? Guess the smell makes sense then.”

Mercifully, the ride to the bar was pretty quick, though a lot more eventful than it should be. As fun as these guys are, you’re not sure you ever want to be in an enclosed space with them ever again. Bam was first out [can’t imagine why he was so desperate to get out], followed by the rest of you. The bar they had chosen looked like a pretty hole-in-the-wall place, kinda seedy, but you could get behind that. The music was so loud you could hear it from outside, thank god they were playing something good. As you followed the group in, an arm suddenly threw itself around your shoulders and drew you into a tall body.

“You ever been here before?” Johnny asked, raising his voice so he had a chance of being heard over the music. You shook your head, and he smiled. “Don’t worry, you’ll get acquainted real soon.” For whatever reason, the way he said that sent a shiver down your spine, and when he left your side to join the others at the bar you felt… disappointed. Dammit, stop thinking like that, you barely met this guy. You shook the feeling away and joined them as well, taking a seat on the other side of Chris as they ordered a round of tequila shots. He was quick to replace Johnny, throwing his arm over you and pulling you in close.

“You guys don’t start easy, huh?” You asked, the shots already set down in front of the six of you with a bowl of lime wedges and a salt shaker. Chris snorted, squeezing your shoulder.

“We started hours ago. C’mon, set up.” He offered you the salt shaker, so you smiled and licked the side of your hand. On went the salt, then you passed it down the line; once Ryan was done at the end of that line, everyone raised their shot glass, and you fumbled to follow along. 

“ Prost! ” Steve-O cheered, then down the hatch. You all followed suit, quickly sucking the lime after as you cringed at the tequila taste. You never liked spirits all that much - you couldn’t get over that perfume taste - but hell, you’ll drink whatever’s set in front of you. Again, Chris ended up leaning against you, a dopey grin on his face.

“You’re one of us now, [Y/n].” There was a boyish giddiness in his voice that made you smile, and you glanced back at the others, Bam already smacking Dunn’s arm for god knows what. There was an air of comradery among them, one you didn’t quite feel at the shoot yesterday, but you definitely felt it now. It was infectious, too, encouraging you to flag down the bartender.

“Can I get six kamikazes?” The bartender nodded, quick to set up the shots. Johnny playfully punched your shoulder, stealing away your attention.

“Ain’t that sweet? Buying a round for a buncha guys you just met?”

“Actually they’re for me.” 

Johnny barked out a laugh, while Bam booed and said something along the lines of ‘fucking alcoholic’. Six more shots in your hands, and Johnny nudged you with a look. Was it your turn to cheers? You only knew one interesting one. So, you raised your shot glass, the others following like before, and with a tilt of your glass you called:

“ Payehali! ”

Down the hatch. Kamikazes are way easier to stomach. Steve-O leaned forward to look past Johnny. “What does that mean?”

“God knows, some Russian guy taught me that a couple years back.”

“I should remember that for the next time Dimitry comes out with us.” Johnny commented, some murmurs of agreement as you guessed that was yet another man you’re yet to meet. Things continued in that fashion: a round of shots, somebody gets to show off some cool cheers, rinse and repeat. After 5 rounds, the group started to splinter - some took an interest in darts, some in pool - for now, you were trying to aim a dart while your head felt full of cotton.

“Just throw it already!” Bam called out, beer bottle rim pressed to his lips. You scowled, waving him off.

“ Shuddup! I’m seein’ double here…”

“Already?! Christ, you’re a fucking lightweight.”

“You can’t talk.” Johnny cut in, cracking a smile when Bam glared at him.

“What’re you talking about?? I’m not a goddamn lightweight.”

“You’re just as drunk as her. Look, you’re wobbling like a fawn fresh out the womb.” He cackled as he pushed Bam’s shoulder, enough to throw him off balance. All the background noise seemed to blend together as you focused all your brain power on that goddamn dart board. One eye closed and tongue poking out the side of your mouth, you decided fuck it and just tossed it. The dart lodged itself in the cork near the bottom, but you victoriously fist bumped nonetheless.

“What’re you celebrating for?” Bam asked, stumbling forward and practically crashing into your shoulder. Rolling your eyes, you jabbed his shoulder.

“It hit the board, didn’t it?” 

“Yeah, unlike the last 5 darts.”

“So? a win’s a win.”

Bam downed the rest of his beer and plucked out the dart from the board. “Watch ‘n learn.”

Meanwhile, Johnny was more interested in watching you than Bam, leaning against a table with a beer in hand. You stood back with him, shoulders nearly brushing, and he smiled down at you.

“You seem comfortable.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I mean ’m half pissed so…” You glanced at up at him then back at your glass, swirling the liquid.

“Just mentioning it, you seemed a little stand-offish yesterday, nice to see you loosen up.”

“Hard not to with a gin and tonic.”

Johnny nodded, took a swig then set down his bottle. “You know you put on a great show yesterday. I was a li’l concerned when you took that hit, you had this crazed look in your eye. Still surprised you got back up with no helmet.” Ohhh yeah, the ramp. You still remembered the buzz in your chest as you stared up at the sky, blood pumping like never before. You shrugged, sipping your drink.

“I don’t know, adrenaline felt pretty cool, plus I wanted to show up Margera.” You clumsily motioned to Bam with your glass, spilling some of your drink over the side. On cue, he yelled ‘fuck!’, the dart just missing the board.

“I win, loser buys me a drink.” Johnny grinned. “[Y/n], that’s you.”

“Fuck this, gonna go find Ryan.” With that, Bam was gone. Johnny followed you to the bar where the conversation continued.

“We got some great footage - the wipeout, the way you bombed into the lake.” He laughed as he thought back on it, grabbing his new beer. For a moment, you were too focused on his smile to pay attention to what he was saying. “By the way, Jeff wanted to ask if we could put it in the show, but you disappeared.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Oh… sure, I don’ care.”

“I didn’t think you would.” 

Usually, the booze would make it much easier for you to talk by this point, but somehow Johnny still made you nervous. What about him made you so nervous…? 

“You should come by more often, ‘specially if you pull more shit like that. Impulse is welcome ‘round here.” Maybe it was the drink making your hearing weird, but you swear his southern drawl was a lot thicker 6 drinks deep. Then you realised that he was inviting you back to set, maybe even accepting you into his crazy little group. Though a part of you was apprehensive, a lot more of you was excited, like you had accomplished something. When did you suddenly get so hung up on someone else's approval? You’ve never really been one to want to be included… you guess the drink makes you vulnerable. Or at least you preferred that excuse.

“Fuck it, I’m down! I’ll do anything if it’s fun.” You chuckled to yourself, and knocked back the rest of your drink. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He got up from his stool, nudging your shoulder with his cold bottle. “‘M going for a piss.”

And off he goes; like hell you were waiting around on your own. You scanned the bar for any of the other familiar faces, then spotted Chris and Steve-O at the pool table. Unsteady on your feet, you abandoned the bar and crossed over to the dingy corner as Steve-O polished the end of his pool cue.

“[Y/n]!” Chris greeted, pulling you in with an arm around your shoulders. “Play a game with us!”

“You any good at pool?” Steve-O asked, and you shrugged.

“Decent.”

“Good enough, here.” He handed you the long cue, almost smacking you across the face with it. Ryan ended up joining the game on Chris’ side, but somehow you and Steve-O won, despite you barely remembering the rules and confusing them with snooker rules half the time. You and Steve whooped, clinking your beer bottles and basking in the glory.

“Fuck darts, I’m playing pool for the rest of my life!”

Steve-O pointed at the guys on the other side of the table, slamming back their drinks like their lives depended on it. “Loser shoves the cue up his ass.”

Ryan immediately left, while Chris giggled and twirled his hair. “Maybe if you take me out to dinner first!”

“Chris, I’ll give you five bucks if you do it.” You were only half joking.

“Five bucks?”

“Yeah, for the whole thing.”

“ The–” Chris was howling at just the idea of it. “The whole thing? Up my ass?”

“C’mon Chris, I’ve seen you take more.” Steve-O couldn’t stop grinning like a maniac, and soon it was suggested another round was gotten in before the next game. Then another, and another. Eventually, you never did get around to another game. You lost count of how many drinks later it was, but everyone got kicked out for unruly conduct - it was either because Bam was trying to pick a fight with a random drunk or because Chris dropped his pants to get started on that pool cue. Either way, you arguing with security didn’t help anyone’s case. At least they didn’t care enough to take your beers, that would be tragic.

“ Fuckin’ asshole .” You hissed under your breath, and Bam pushed you.

“You’ve gotta stop fucking doing that.”

“Whatever, let’s just go clubbing! It was getting boring anyway.” Everyone seemed to agree with Pontius, and despite barely seeing straight, you thought it was a great idea too. You all paraded down the street, loudly singing a Johnny Cash song, generally being a public nuisance. Somebody stumbled into you, and next thing you know, Ryan was next to you. 

"You really kicked our asses at pool, huh?"

"I don't know how, swear that was a total flook, didn't know what I was fuckin' doing." You chuckled to yourself as you raised your beer to your lips, then realised you'd already drank it all so dropped it on the pavement. "Barely saw you for most of the night."

"Yeah, Bam needs a lotta attention." The blonde looked you up and down, then nodded his head towards Bam down the front of the group. "Y'know he doesn't shut up about you?"

You raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Honestly it's fuckin' annoying. Makes me think I'm missing out or something."

Without thinking, you blurted out, "Gimme your number 'n I can keep you clued in." Ryan was clearly taken aback - after all, kind of forward for someone he just met - but you barely noticed, to wasted to pick up on pretty much anything at this point. He seemed to hesitate, but ultimately held out his hand for you to hand your phone over.

"...Alright, what the hell."

It was quick; luckily, he was marginally less drunk than the rest of them, so small buttons weren't really an issue at that time. When he handed back the device, you gave him a wide grin, like you'd tricked him into something. With that, he nodded at you and went ahead to join his best friend. You toyed with the weight of your phone in your hand, watching the charms jostle - still smiling like an idiot. Three down.

[callunavulgari]

TOP 25 FICS OF 2018

1. A Cornstalk Fiddle by @notbecauseofvictories | Devil Went Down To Georgia | The Devil/Johnny | 17k

Where Johnny goes, the Devil follows; where Johnny goes, the Devil is already there.

Heather Says: So. I never thought that my favorite fic of the entire year would be a fic written about a song - and one that I don’t even particularly like - but here I am. I read this fic the same night that I finally broke down and watched Moonlight, and ended up listening to Moonlight’s End Credits and Hello Stranger by Barbara Lewis on repeat while I finished that first chapter on my back porch. This is that perfectly atmospheric fic that you’ll find maybe once every ten years and could probably sustain you on its memory for just as long.

2. Work of All Saints by @kaikamahine | Coco | Imelda/Hector/Ernesto | 210k

Imelda Rivera (b. 1899 - d. 1969), a story that includes but is not limited to: the finest music school this side of the Santo Domingo, three traveling musicians and the mess they made of love, the twice-cursed assassination of Venustiano Carranza, all the patron saints, and ninety-six ways a man can try to cross a bridge.

Heather Says: This story blew my entire mind. It was lovely, and tragic, and hilarious, and everything that a good novel should be. The parts of this fic that map out the unseen lives of Imelda, Hector, and Ernesto, that hidden backstory that a movie can only hint about, were exquisite to the point that I was afraid getting to the point where, well, they die, would be a letdown. It really wasn’t. If anything, the story managed to get richer as it went along, until suddenly you’re in a room sobbing into a pillow at four in the morning and have to be awake in four hours. No regrets.

3. Under the Covers by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 87k

Steve is (maybe) a little bit still in love with Nancy Wheeler and (maybe) trying to figure himself out-- between the night terrors and the babysitting and the general weirdness that is Hawkins, Indiana-- before he graduates.

Billy Hargrove fits in there somewhere (probably).

Heather Says: Under the Covers was the first Harringrove fic that actually kicked me over the edge from ‘eh this ship looks like it would have good hate sex’ and into full-fledged believer. It’s an intricately crafted look into the world of Billy Hargrove and Steve Harrington post-season two and it is absolutely glorious.

4. Bloody Ruin by esama | Castlevania | Alucard/Trevor | 37k

Vampire hunter and a vampire try to get along.

Heather Says: Written before season two came out, this was one of those fics that I clicked on because the pairing interested me and I wanted to see how it worked. It did not disappoint, and even after I delved through the tag on ao3 after I marathoned season two, this is still my favorite.

5. a road less traveled and a life less led by Azzandra | Dishonored | Billie & The Outsider | 9k

She took him out of the Void, as promised. And then she kept him, she supposed.

Heather Says: You know all that fanart that started cropping up after Death of the Outsider came out? The ones where Billie and the Outsider crept around Dunwall or Karnaca stealing fish and safes and graffiti-ing buildings? The ones with that found family vibe? Yeah. This fic scratches the same itch that all that art did.

6. But I’m Not There Yet by sarahyyy | Yuri On Ice | Yuri/Otabek | 71k

“Are you not going to read the article?” she asks, flopping onto his bed. “Look who ranked second, just after Phichit Chulanont.”

Otabek reluctantly scrolls down, and oh. #2 - Yuri Plisetsky

In the embedded Instagram photo just under that subheading, a very grumpy Yuri is cuddling a very grumpy-looking cat. The caption reads: I found the cat version of me at the shelter today. #iknowisaidnomorecats #canyoublameme

Heather Says: And here, in the stupid cute category we have teenagers navigating love through social media. What’s more, there’s a companion fic.

7. flowers start to bloom in every different hue by orphan-account | Coraline | Coraline/Wybourn | 1k

Coraline grows up, gets a tattoo, and falls in love. In that order.

Heather Says: I read this fic on a slow day at work, often in quick bursts while I was waiting for the kitchen to finish my table’s food. It’s short. It’s sweet. It’s perfect. And honestly? It’s everything that I was looking for when I ventured into the Coraline tag on ao3 because I was curious.

8. Victory Conditions by @astolat | Transformers | Megatron/Optimus Prime | 37k

“Do you want me to tell you a story?” Megatron said mockingly. “You won’t like it, Prime. It’s not a very nice one.”

Heather Says: Fun fact, I’m not even in this fandom. I haven’t touched the Transformers fandom since the first movie came out in 2007 and I spent a very confusing week shipping a boy and his car. But Astolat has literally never lead me wrong, and I was having one of those bored days where nothing quite itches the right spot, so I sat down on the couch and spent two hours reading this. Worth it.

  9. just in it for the game by grim_lupine | Thor | Thor/Loki | 6k

“It's excellent rehabilitation for my image,” Loki says, widening his eyes. “They love you, and because of that they'll trust me. You wouldn't ruin this for me, would you?”

Thor glares at him.

Loki’s mouth twitches. “Also, it's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.”

Heather Says: The Thor/Loki bug never really bit me until after Ragnorak came out. I mean, sure, I read it and it was good, but hella’s Frostiron fics basically destroyed me for any other Loki pairing. HOWEVER. Ragnorak happened and screwed that all the way up. Also, you know, this fic is absolutely lovely and was just what the doctor ordered.

10. so this guy walks into a bar by MasterOfAllImagination | Pacific Rim | Newt/Hermann | 2.5k

“Bourbon,” Hermann says, hooking his cane on the edge of the bar and sliding by degrees onto a stool.

“Straight up?” the bartender asks.

“Please.” Does he look like the kind of man who enjoys having his nostrils fumigated by undiluted whiskey? “On the rocks.”

Heather Says: I coped with Pacific Rim 2 by reading a couple AUs and a couple very, very long fics full of tragedy and math. Weirdly, the AU of a chance meeting in a bar was the one that stuck.

11. cherry pie by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 133k

Billy Hargrove lives for summer. Endless sunshine, heavily chlorinated pools, roaming ice cream trucks, and unencumbered freedom? There’s nothing better.

Even being stuck in Hawkins can’t ruin the summer for him. He eats it up, devouring every day whole.

Heather Says: Yeah, okay, but this is the fic that made summer worth it. Highly recommend reading at the pool or with your feet hanging off the back porch. Every piece of this fic was dripping in summertime nostalgia. It was fan-freaking-tastic.

12. the ghost and the good queen val by Wildehack (tyleet) | Thor | Thor/Valkyrie/Loki | 27k

“What,” she says, her heart racing, “was that.”

“What was what?” Korg asks, frowning up at her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Valkyrie squints suspiciously at the ship.

“Oh my god,” Korg says. “You did! You saw a ghost!”

Heather Says: So, remember how I coped with Pacific Rim 2 with copious AUs? This is how I coped with Infinity War.

13. For Better or Worse by DragonBandit  | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 22k

All Damien ever wanted was someone who wanted him. All Damien deserves is to die alone, stripped bare of any of the comforts or affections of humanity, a title he willingly shed.

Mark Bryant seems to be the Universe's compromise.

Wherein Damien and Mark are soulmates, and this changes enough.

Heather Says: I think I’ve read this one three or four time this year? It’s 22k of well-written fic for a fandom that has a max of like 100 fics all with lengths that tend to vary between a couple hundred words to 2 or 3k, max. This fic is the one that really catapulted me into the fandom. 

14. in waves by @lymricks | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 38k

It’s March and it’s too cold for Billy to be shirtless and wearing shorts, but he hadn’t noticed until Harrington appeared and made him hold still. Harrington can’t seem to stop looking at the bruises. “What’s it to you if I miss a little school, Harrington?” Billy asks. He feels goosebumps rising on his skin.

“I don’t know,” Harrington snaps back, looking uncomfortable. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Plant your feet, Billy wants to scream at him. I’m going to bowl you over.

Heather Says: And here we have the first fic that wasn’t written by either @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger or @brawlite that made me realize that this fandom was gonna be a good one. So fantastic.

15. the cure by aquaexplicit | The Flash | Cisco/Harry | 43k

“I guess I don’t really get what you need to fix? Harrison Wells is a hot, rich genius that pays you to make cool stuff with his daughter and is totally into you. If you guys boning is the biggest problem you have, I think this officially qualifies as your best relationship ever.”

When Barry puts it like that, everything sounds so simple and not at all as angst ridden as Cisco has been suffering the past few months.

Cisco hangs up on him.

Heather Says: I remember a couple years ago, I fell absolutely head over heels for this one Sterek fic where Derek had twin toddlers and Stiles was the hired babysitter. So I think there’s something about dad + babysitter fics that get me, even if this one in particular the ‘baby’ in question is a fifteen year old genius. Still. Dad + babysitter. I don’t even know, but apparently it works for me.

16. pull out the insides by SpineAndSpite | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 3k

“Stop,” Damien says again, more insistent this time.

“I’m not doing it on purpose.” Mark's heart pounds in his ears and he sees Damien’s hands shaking. God. They shouldn’t have started talking about sex. Shouldn’t have filled in the colors and shadows to this pencil outline of a sketch forming between them. They shouldn’t have given it a name.

Heather Says: This year seems to have had a theme when it comes to fics that I’ve liked and it seems to boil down to: people who are bad for each other have sex and catch feelings. Mark/Damien is not the healthiest ship. But it also hurts in this stupidly tragic way and hell if I didn’t fall head over heels for it.

17. tell me, get my shit together by paperclipbitch | Star Wars | Han/Lando | 5k

“I thought we were actively avoiding each other after the Trandosha Shitshow,” Han says.

“We’re actively avoiding each other after the Iridonia Shitshow,” Lando corrects him, “the Trandosha Shitshow is That Which We Do Not Speak Of.”

Heather Says: So, guess what I did in the two to three hours after seeing Solo? If you guessed: ‘combed through ao3 until you ran out of fic’ ding ding ding, you are 100% correct. This one was very, very good, which makes sense, because paperclipbitch has some good shit.

18. chases, escapes, true love, miracles by pepperfield | The Flash | Cisco/Harry 55k

Just because the timeline has been restored, doesn't mean things are back to normal. Cisco's got 99 problems, and Harry Wells is approximately 38 of them.

In which Cisco makes a bunch of plans, fails most of them, narrowly avoids being disintegrated, receives a hug or two, finds his groove, and gets his man. More or less in that order.

Heather Says: This one was long and wibbly wobbly, because it was basically what season 3 should have been. But it was also really great, and had some super quality Harrisco interactions.

19. Your Pretty Little Heart by Ever-so-reylo | Star Wars | Reylo | 64k

Modern day AU in which Ben is an Alpha, Rey is an Omega, and they are way better at having sex than at communicating with each other.

Heather Says: Speaking of people who are probably a little bit bad for each other... This particular fic was new to me, not because of the um, extensive sexual content, but because I’m usually not a fan of A/B/O. But this one was extremely good, enough that I actually liked it for a/b/o aspect rather than in spite of it.

20. Draconia by perceived_nobility | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 4k

"So I was driving. One ex wife and one ex husband later, stopping at the same fucking gas stations you and I stopped at."

Heather Says: This fic actually prompted a 3 hour long conversation on the ‘adult’ Mark/Damien discord where we basically outlined an entire fic that I never got around to writing where Damien is raising a child, has a farm, and runs into Mark ten years down the ride. One day, I might write it, because vaguely domestic, meet-again-ten-years-down-the-road fics always bowl me right the fuck over and just. There needs to be more fic like this one in the world. But until then, the world can marvel at the beauty that is this one.

21. Artifice by buttpatrol | Wolf 359 | Hera/Eiffel | 23k

A story told in parts about colour palettes, identity, robot uprisings, sensational trials, space, and messy love.

Heather Says: As I’ve recently finished relistening to Wolf 359 I have a fresh appreciation for this fic, which is one of the only longer fics on ao3 that just grips you by the heart and squeezes the same way that the series does. It might have been written before the end of the series, but it’s honestly just as perfect.

22. (shoot the lights out, hide) till its bright out by lipgallagher | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 93k

The most dangerous thing walking around Hawkins goes by the name Billy Hargrove.

And he fucking knows it.

Heather Says: I’m kind of cheating here, because this is a series rather than a single fic, but I’m not picking just one part. I read the first four or so parts of this fic when I was visiting my family in South Carolina and spent the next few days wandering around the place half-in Steve Harrington’s headspace. It was an incredibly surreal experience, which lead to a pretty strong combination of mania, depression, and an indescribable craving for ice cream. So like, maybe don’t read this fic if you’re in a bad head space? But also it’s very good and features one of the most fucked up and intriguing Steve’s that I’ve seen yet.

23. Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya | Yuri On Ice | Yuuri/Viktor | 197k

‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’

Heather Says: I actually read this one on the plane ride down to South Carolina, and kind of didn’t like it at first? I’m not sure if it was just the act of putting Yuuri and Victor into the position of rivals that made me uncomfortable or the goddamn delays that turned half a day of travelling into a full one, but eventually I was able to get into and enjoyed it quite a bit. I really like the rivals to lovers trope, so I’d been looking forward to this one a lot.

24. Traveling Far by @astolat | Game of Thrones | Jaime/Brienne | 24k

Three weeks into their delightful slog across Westeros, during yet another charming day of shitting in the woods, eating half-raw squirrel, and trudging his feet bloody, the single most dour and uninteresting woman Jaime had ever met in all of Westeros stopped in the middle of a field, drew a deep breath, and said, “When I was seven, my aunt came to visit with her son. My father told me that as the daughter of the house, it was my duty to show hospitality to my guests and to be gracious to them. I wanted to make him proud. So for three weeks, I let my cousin follow me around and talk to me about spiders.”

Heather Says: I’ve become very fond of astolat’s Jaime/Brienne fics, and I think this one is my favorite yet. Featuring Starks, found family, and a whole lot of walking.

25. lilies of the valley (cover me with kisses, make my garden grow) by diasterisms | Star Wars | Reylo | 8k

Every girl is entitled to the mistake. That one colossal fuck-up that permanently alters the terrain of who you are. You'll either learn from it or you won't, so might as well have the time of your life.

Heather Says: I just. I really like flower shop AUs, and the idea of a Kylo Ren who owns a sleek flower shop being menaced by a tiny gremlin in a leather jacket just. Kills me. It was really sweet and all kinds of wonderful.